Black or white, I see. Ok, well, in that particular case. I think you’re very intuitive and the fact that you realized that it’s not like his personality will change. He can make all the promises in the world but generally in my experience, people don’t change unless something massive happens to them. So, in order for him, in order for your arguments to go a little bit smoothly, I think in that case, he’s avoiding taking care of the children or seeing the children because it is a hard job. It can be tiring. I can kind of sympathize with him a little bit because there’s times when Jen wants me to be with the family and I come with the family but sometimes I’ll sit there and think, “Oh man, I wish out working or I wish I was doing this.”
So, I think in your case and this is what Jen does to me sometimes and it always sets me straight is, making him watch the kids and you having a hard line. Because if you can put him through action and let him experience what you’re experiencing every single day, he will have a different way of looking at things. He will replace his values so to speak because guilt is an amazing thing. And you need to probably use it if you want some of the arguments to change in your favor a little bit because what’s happening is he’s got no guilt when he goes out with his guy friends to watch a movie for example. So, in your mind, you’re thinking that’s not fair because I’m here having to watch the kids, that’s such a tough job. You’re out with your friends having fun. That’s not fair.
Maybe in the moment, there’s nothing you can do insight massive change within him but maybe going forward consistently leave the children in his care and make him watch them. So, he can understand the value of what you are doing and then going forward, he will start to feel guilty any time he makes this crazy statements where he’s going to go out and have fun with his friends. He’ll think in the back of his mind, “Oh wait. No, That’s bad because I’m leaving her.” If he cares about you, he will feel guilt because he’s leaving you in charge of the kids. Not that that’s hard for you or anything. You’re clearly born to do it.
You’re amazing at what you do. You’re an amazing mother and everything like that but he’ll feel guilty because he’s not helping out. So, I think in order to create the massive change with the arguments that you want, I don’t think necessarily, it’s a function getting the arguments to stop. I’m sorry. I don’t think it’s the function of not having arguments. I think arguments are just 39:06 . They’re going to happen. I think it’s sort of how can you get stupid arguments like that to stop because you’re clearly in the right and he’s clearly on the wrong from where I’m sitting. What do you think?