We think, after a breakup, that we will never be the same.
Right after he tells you it’s all over, you usually aren’t sitting around thinking of all the good reasons to get back with your ex boyfriend.
Not at all.
Rather, you are probably giving a lot of thought to why you shouldn’t simply shut him out of your life forever.
Perhaps he just ditched you, leaving you dumbfounded, with a huge hole in your heart.
If it happened recently, you are probably still shell shocked after what went down. You are likely feeling angry, confused, and rejected.
So it’s going to take a while for you to even come to terms with the central question of why you would ever want to get back with your ex. You may end up coming to a site like this, looking for answers.
You might end up taking a “Do I want my ex back quiz” or “Why did he leave me quiz”, in search of answers.
Well, if you are here, you are in luck. Consider this place your portal for all breakup information!
This is the place that offers answers to complicated breakup situations.
In fact, I just did a survey that I want to share with you. It pertains to the very thing all of you will eventually need to come to terms with if you want your ex back, namely:
What is the Number One reason you want to get back together with your ex?
It turns out I have the answer!
The Top Three Reasons To Get Back Together With Your Ex
You see, I like to do surveys from the people who know best what really is going on in the world of breakups.
I love to dive into the “getting back together” statistics. I look at things like your chances. I evaluate matters of tactics and strategies. And today I bring you the latest information on why the women I surveyed want their ex back into their life.
I have this Private Facebook Support Group for which I am the administrator. It literally has over 1700 members in it. Women and men (mostly women) who share a common experience of having lost their ex come together seeking to help each other.
I asked this group what was their number one reason to want to be back with their ex boyfriend (or girlfriend) again. As as you can imagine I received a number of responses, but there were three top explanations that stood out.
If you are looking for the top reason to resume a relationship that has soured, the main reason given for why you would want to get back with your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend) is because of the intensity of the deep feelings and connection that existed before the breakup.
Why Would You Want Him Back After What He Did To You?
Imagine if you took an all encompassing quiz that covered every single breakup situation. Imagine that this quiz asked you why you feel so strongly about getting him back after all he put you through. Let’s say you were asked:
- Why do you want your ex if he cheated on you?
- What makes you interested in getting back with your ex boyfriend if he dumped you?
- Why would you want him back if he treated you badly?
- What special qualities makes your ex boyfriend worth pursuing?
- What motivates you to give him another chance if he was emotionally abusive?
- When does it make sense to give your ex boyfriend the benefit of the doubt?
- What makes your ex boyfriend worth opening yourself up for disappointment?
- What makes you think you and your ex actually have a chance?
- Is your ex boyfriend worth all the risk and pain you might end up enduring?
How would you have fared with this ex back quiz?
Would you have been completely honest with yourself? Are you even able to answer these questions right now or is it too soon after the breakup?
Let take a look at the three favored responses from a survey I conducted of women and men who either left their ex or their partner chose to leave them. Since most of the respondents were women, I am going to take the perspective of women who lost their ex boyfriend.
So what is it that drives these ladies to want to go back and be with a guy who may have dumped them or a boyfriend who they didn’t see eye to eye on lot of things?
Are they just desperate and given to irrational, impulsive desires to be with him again? Or do they know best and it’s just taking a while for their boyfriend to catch up with his own true feelings?
Remember, in many of these cases, these ladies were close to be emotionally broken. Yet they are still determined to make things right and start up the relationship again with their ex boyfriend.
So what is that thing inside them that drives them forward, fighting back the hurt and the tears. What makes these amazing people act proactively to bring an end to the destructive split up.
For many of these special women, all they think of is ending this temporary madness and coming out the other side with themselves and their ex boyfriend intact.
Let’s explore these women’s motivations.
1. I Never Experienced Such Love and Deep Connection With Anyone Else
By far, this is the most popular reason given for why getting back with your ex is paramount.
49% of the get your ex back respondents who took this survey said the history between them and their ex boyfriend has had such a profound impact in their life, they simply could not imagine leaving behind a guy who they felt such a deep love and connection with.
So essentially, the reason 49% of you want to reunite with your ex-boyfriend is because of a deep emotional connection and a love that you may never have experienced before or with anyone else. One of our members wrote that this process isn’t for sissies and she’s right! It takes a sound strategy combined with time and patience and a plan.
No one else compared to the love they had with their ex boyfriend. Not only can they NOT get him out of their mind, but these women are driven to do what they need to do to get their ex boyfriend to see what it is they see so clearly.
I would get responses like:
- Only if my ex boyfriend could see that I love him so much.
- We have always had the closest connection and are meant for each other.
- What else can I do when I am so deeply in love with my ex boyfriend.
- The deep love connection between my ex and I is off the charts.
- I can’t explain it but there is this deep soul connection between my ex and I so I will never give up on him.
- I have never felt this way about another boyfriend. I love him like no other.
- I am incapable of falling in love with anyone else other than my ex.
In the minds of some of these women, something has happened to upset the natural balance in their relationship with their ex boyfriend. They are convinced that there is no one else they want back more.
As to whether these feelings are brought on by the changing chemistry of wounded minds that are going through the hardships and withdrawal of a breakup, I will leave that to another article to explore in more depth.
It suffices to say that in the minds of these women, who have lost their boyfriend, there exists no forces on earth that will stop them from getting the ex boyfriend back. They are utterly convinced that their ex is the man for them for the rest of their lives.
2. 33% of the Women Surveyed Said “I Could See a Future With Him”
With this survey response, the women of the Private Facebook Group are looking at reuniting with their ex boyfriend because they can see a future with him and it looks bright.
Sure, not everything has worked out in the way they would have imagined it. Things with their ex may have been shaky in the past, but in their minds, there has been plenty of good times and they are convinced the relationship will work. In their view, the future looks bright with their ex boyfriend, whether he realizes it or not.
It’s interesting how this often turns out. It is almost like some of these women have a certain sixth sense about whether their ex boyfriend is worthy of their efforts. It is as if a little voice is speaking to these women, telling them their boyfriend is the right one for them and is worth the hardship they may be going through right now.
- My ex boyfriend can royally piss me off, but love him very much and and see us spending our life together.
- My ex has his share of problems, but he does so many things for me that I can’t lose him.
- I think my ex boyfriend, for all his faults, has some really good qualities and so I can see a future for us.
- I really don’t no what I would do without him in my life.
- My ex boyfriend would often talk about how we will spend our future together, so I know there is hope.
- I see signs that he wants me in his future. He has made plans and he is not one to give me up so easily.
- He says he loves me and said he sees a future with me so that is good enough for now.
- His parents love me and he has told them that I am the real deal so that must mean we are meant for each other, right?
3. 8% Say “It Hurts Too Much Not To Have Him In My Life”
The survey takers also described feeling in pain because of their ex’s absence in their life and a need to fill in that void. It is like their world has been turned upside down. Everything these women knew to be true is now tested, yet deep down they can’t get rid of the intense feeling that it hurts too much to be without him.
It is as if their pain is telling them something. Some surmise that they couldn’t possibly feel this way if the relationship wasn’t meant to be. How could they hurt so much unless it was a sign from the love gods (so to speak) that their ex boyfriend was indeed the one and only.
Sometimes the intensity of the breakup emotions can create a strange coupling of thoughts and desires. Here are some common responses:
- I hate my ex so much right now it must mean I really care about him.
- I need my ex boyfriend back because it’s all I think about.
- Why am I still angry at my boyfriend, yet I want him to come back to me?
- My ex boyfriend and I still love each other and I don’t know how we will ever get over each other.
- Is my ex hurting too because I feel lost, but still in love. We have always been in sync.
- When you can’t let go of someone does that mean we still have a chance?
How To Know If You Should Get Back Together With Your Ex or Not
Well, that’s the trick isn’t? You can never be sure that agreeing to taking him back is truly the right thing for you to pursue.
The 3 reasons listed above aren’t the only ones. It turns out that there are a lot of other reason that makes sense to reunite. Perhaps these reasons are not as compelling or even completely rationale explanations for why you should go back to him. But couples that break up, come back together again for lots of different reasons.
It happens every day.
Now not all reasons that drive you back into the arms of your ex boyfriend is going to keep the relationship alive for the long haul. Without the proper nurturing, your relationship with your ex boyfriend can quickly deteriorate, causing you further pain.
But right now, let’s just focus on those other explanations women have offered as to why they chose to get back with their ex. We will leave it to another day to decide if these reasons are legitimate motivations to make friendly with your ex.
10 Convincing Signs That Tell You Whether Your Ex Is Worth Going After
Taken individually, none of the signs justify you getting too excited.
None of them, by themselves, should be relied on as evidence you should get back with him. The truth is that your ex may be a horrible person and is baiting you for his own agenda. Or it could be that your ex boyfriend is truly sorry for the troubles he has caused and wants nothing more than to reconcile with you.
Of course, neither of those things will be made clear until you can get a better read on how he is interacting with you and that takes time and that is why ex recovery is a process.
So don’t rely on any particular sign to judge whether or not your ex boyfriend is worth your effort and emotional investment. But taken together, some of these signs can give you a better picture if your ex is truly long term, boyfriend material.
- He is being awful nice to you lately, sending you friendly, positive text messages
- Your ex initiates the contact and follows up consistently.
- The relationship history with your boyfriend was good. You both got along quite well and the breakup was not terribly painful.
- Your ex boyfriend has respected your request for time and space and has been supportive in the best way that he can.
- Your ex has not blocked you and the signs are that he is actively following your posts and stories on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat.
- There are no signs that your ex boyfriend is dating anyone else and he has not bad mouthed you to others after the breakup.
- Your ex boyfriend told you at the time you parted that he loved you just needed some space to work things out.
- When checking out your ex boyfriend’s social media pages you discover he has posted some positive things about you.
- When you completed your No Contact period, your ex bf responded positively and quickly to your initial text messages.
- When you had your meet up with your ex, he was generous and kind and he expressed interest in seeing you again.
7 Reasons To Not Get Back With Your Ex
So its only fair to talk about the signs and reasons for why you should NOT get back with your ex.
I know. I know. This is not the sort of thing you probably want to hear about!
But if truth be known, many of these breakups happen for a reason. Often the underlying causes are a bad enough that forgiving your ex and getting back with him could be something you want to dearly avoid.
Just a reminder. The same rules apply here as discussed above. No single reason is necessarily enough by itself to decide your ex isn’t worth pursuing any more. Always remember that given the complexities of relationships, it is best to take a bigger picture view of whether you see a future with your ex. Take in all the information. Don’t be in a hurry to rush in. Don’t be in a hurry to rush out of the relationship.
Consider these developments as possible reasons to avoid your ex boyfriend:
- Your ex was abusive and it happened a lot and no matter how much you think you love him, you need a long break to work out the truth.
- He ghosted you then your boyfriend went immediately from dating you to shacking up with another girl.
- He has initiated many breakups with you and all of them were ugly and divisive.
- You and your ex boyfriend have not dated very long and is now moving away.
- Never go back to your ex if he is threatening you or guilt tripping you.
- Forget about your ex boyfriend if he dumps you and now only wants sex from you.
- Avoid making up with your ex because you feel lonely and lost. This is vulnerable time for you. You must find yourself first and learn to stand up with or without him.
Frequently Asked Questions About Reasons Why You Want Your Ex Back
1. My ex boyfriend wants to get back together but i’m not sure if he is right for me.
If you are plagued with doubts about whether you should make up and put all your troubles behind you, then don’t make up. Don’t go back to him unless you have a foundation to work with.. You need to find time for yourself to heal and focus on those things that allow you to build value and stand strong, independent of whether you get him back or not.
2. What are my chances of getting back with an ex years later. I still miss him and love him, but don’t no if he feels the same.
So much can happen over the course of a year or two. Your ex could be in an entirely different place emotionally and may have move on. Your ex boyfriend may have fallen in love with another girl and could be living a happy life. He may still have fond memories of you, but has turned the page. But unless you know this for certain, you really can’t be sure. You should know up front the odds are stacked against you given the passage of time, but it is not impossible. If it is something that you really need to know and has been bothering you, interfering with your ability to move on yourself, the best way to get an answer on where your ex stands and what he thinks is to call him. You might be afraid to hear from your ex, fearing what he might tell you will crush you. You might be afraid to embarrass yourself or you could be frightened about being rejected. But such fears are often overblown and if negative consequences come from your efforts, they are usually a small price to pay. What can cause you more damage in the long run is not getting some degree of closure, even if it means you take on some short term pain. So make the plunge. Call your ex and find out what he is up to.
3. My Ex boyfriend wants us to try again. Is it worth the chance of us going wrong again?
More often that not, it is worth trying again. Relationships can be messy and confusing, depending on the parties involved and how much you both invested into making the relationship work. If there is a reasonable chance for it to work, then you pursue it. But make sure the two of you don’t sweep all your troubles under the carpet. You have to identify and fix them. Unless you are involved in a toxic relationship, then you owe it to each other to find a common understanding of what the main problems are and address them. Otherwise you are going to be back at the same emotional place and the relationship will suffer even more.
4. My boyfriend left me but I can’t stop thinking about him. We have only known each other. We are each other’s first love. Our connection was tight. I don’t see how he could be happy with anyone else. Do you see us getting through this?
Well you have outlined some good reasons why your chances of recovery are higher than most. Now, it is possible you are both very young and the passions are new to both of you. You may sincerely feel your ex boyfriend is your dream man and that there has been a terrible misunderstanding. But it is possible your lack of relationship experience is shaping your views on passion and love. Deep, mature love is founded on years of of experience with each other, tested by problems of all types. So while it is possibly that with the right tactics you can successfully navigate this setback in both of your lives, don’t think you are immune to long term challenges.
My Private Facebook Group Survey of the Month
Before we part, there is something I need to share with you!
We’re proud to announce that we have over 1,700 members on our Private Facebook Support Group Page!
Thank you for trusting our team to help you on your journey and we want to thank our members for supporting each other through the ups and downs of establishing a new relationship with your ex.
Starting today, each month we are going to poll our members on some of their most pressing issues and concerns. From breakups to texting to establishing rapport, we’ll poll a variety of relevant topics, so you can see how our members feel about themselves and their exes in the process.
One thing is clear, when you join my Private Facebook Support Group, you’re not alone and we want to continue to share our findings to help you heal and succeed.
If you have ideas for future polls, just speak up and let us know!