How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are Pregnant

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

This is the ultimate nightmare scenario for women who go through a breakup, being pregnant.

You see, when most women go through a breakup they go through the 5 emotional stages that accompany that breakup,

Stage 1- “How in the world did this happen?”

Stage 2- ” There is no way that this is happening to me..”

Stage 3- ” LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”

Stage 4- ” How am I going to get him back?”

Stage 5- ” Can I survive without him?”

The stages seen above are normal for 99% of the women visiting this site.

But what about that 1%?

You know, the 1% that are going through a breakup AND pregnant?

I am going to admit that these cases are very rare but they do exist. Whats worse is the fact that there isn’t really much good information out there on the internet teaching women what to do if they find themselves in these rare circumstances. I plan on changing that with this page.

For the first time on Ex Boyfriend Recovery I am going to be talking about how to approach getting an ex boyfriend back if you find yourself pregnant with his child.

First things first though, I need to make sure your priorities are right.

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Your Unborn Child Vs. Your Ex Boyfriend

man vs toddler

Lets get something straight here, the most important thing in your life right now isn’t your ex boyfriend, it’s your child.

The second you found out that you were about to become a mother the game completely changed. You see, before you were pregnant your ex boyfriend was probably priority number one. You would have done anything for him.

How do I know that?

Well, you are pregnant with his child and you came to this page because despite him leaving you, at arguably the most important time of your life, you still want him back.

However, now that you are going to be a mother your boyfriend just became priority number two.

Yes, I know this is a page designed to help you get your ex boyfriend back (and don’t worry I am going to go above and beyond when it comes to that) but let me tell you something about “the love of your life.”

A real man wouldn’t have left you during this fragile time in your life. A real man would have stuck around for HIS child. A real man would have stepped up and found a way to take care of you AND his child. Unfortunately for you though, your ex boyfriend is not a real man.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why you want him back. He is the father of your unborn child and you want your family to be complete. Besides, it just doesn’t seem complete without him in the picture, right?

I totally get that and I promise you that I am going to impart as much wisdom as I possibly can on you to make sure you can achieve that goal. However, I want to ask you a question first,

Is your ex boyfriend even worth the effort to try to get back?

I already know your answer is going to be a resounding YES. However, you are answering from a place of extreme grief (your ex just left you) and I probably have a much more logical view of the situation than you do.

I would say that there is a scenario I can see where he is worth the effort to get back.

What is that scenario?

Only if he can add substantial value to you and your child’s life.

Now, if I were to tell you to pick out the most important word in that phrase what do you think it would be?

If you guessed,

SUBSTANTIAL

Then you would be right.

What do I mean when I say that in order for your ex to even be worth trying to get back he has to add substantial value to you and your child’s life?

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that your ex has a really secure well paying job, a stable house and you know for a fact that he has the ability to support you emotionally. Well, in this case that would mean your ex can bring a lot to the table and would probably be worth getting back.

Wait… But Does Me Wanting An Ex Boyfriend Back Because Of His Job Make Me A Gold Digger?

If you wanted a man only because of his money then yes that does make you a gold digger.

However, it actually makes me angry when men throw around the gold digger accusation to women wanting money/help to support a child. The truth is that if a man gets a woman pregnant he has an obligation to step up and help.

Call me old fashioned but I believe that once you and another human being create a child together you can’t be selfish anymore. In fact, you have to become so selfless that you’d be willing to do anything to make sure that, that child can have a happy and healthy life.

Now, obviously you should want to get your ex boyfriend back for a lot more than just his financial obligation. He is the father or your child and without him your family is not complete. I know for a fact that you love him very much and I know that you feel he can be there for you emotionally.

However, the main point of me writing this section was this.

If it comes down to it, your child is going to take top priority over your ex.

Never forget that.

The “My Life Is Over” Mindset

life is over

In my experience there are two types of reactions men can have when they learn they are going to be a father for the first time.

  1. Some men will be extremely excited and dedicate the rest of their lives to making sure that they can do everything in their power to create a stable environment for their child.
  2. The other portion of men adopt the, “My life is completely over” mindset.

Unfortunately, since you are on this page it seems that your ex adopted the “my life is over” type of thinking.

So, what is this type of thinking and how does it apply to your relationship with your boyfriend?

I am glad you asked.

What Is The “My Life Is Over” Mindset?

There is an interesting story to how I came up with the idea of this mindset. Around three years ago a friend of mine had a pregnancy scare with his girlfriend. Now, at the time I was extremely close to this friend so I was the first person he called to vent to about the situation.

Him: “I don’t know what to do. She’s late and she’s never late.”

Me: “Give it some time. You told me there is still some time for her to have her period right?”

Him: “Ya… but what if she doesn’t? My life will be over. I can’t go out and have fun anymore…”

Thus, the “my life is over” mindset was born.

Some men are frightened to death of having a child because they know that the second that, that child comes into the world they can’t be that selfish anymore. They know that they are going to have to dedicate time and energy to the child and that threatens the freedom they have of running around and having fun.

Gone are the nights where they can stay out all night and get drunk with their friends.

Gone are the nights where they can jump from girl to girl having one night stand after one night stand (though some pathetic guys still do this.)

My point is simple, in these men’s minds the life that they have grown accustomed to living is over. Here is the most ironic part of the whole situation though. If your ex boyfriend has adopted this “my life is over” mindset he isn’t thinking too clearly.

The truth is that his life isn’t over it is just going to change.

The only constant in life is change and adding a baby into the mix whether he is with you or not is going to change his life. This is a fact that he will eventually accept but it just may take some time before he has this epiphany.

One of my favorite examples to cite when it comes to this mindset came from another friend of mine.

In fact, there is a really interesting story to this one as well.

A Real Life Case Study Of A Woman Who Got Her Ex Back While Pregnant

harry potter pregnant

(Yes, apparantely Harry Potter got pregnant… and I think Ron or Malfoy is the father…) ”

Believe it or not but the very first person who I helped get her ex boyfriend back was a woman who was pregnant.

The woman was actually a friend I had met in college. She ended up meeting a guy, falling in love and then he broke up with her which I am sure a lot of you can relate to.

The major twist here happened when she found out she was pregnant with his child literally a day after the breakup occurred. Of course, when she told her ex boyfriend that he was the father he adopted the, “my life is over,” mindset and ran off to try to preserve the life he had grown accustomed to.

My friend, the woman, was obviously devastated. The man who she fell in love with had rejected her, she had nowhere to go and on top of everything she was pregnant and broke.

Now, I don’t know about you but that is a really bad situation to be in.

Of course, when all of this happened the two of us hadn’t really talked in months. So, when I was goofing off on Facebook one day I was surprised to receive a personal message from her. We got to talking and she filled me in on everything that had been going on in her life.

She told me about how she fell in love, how he broke up with her, how she was now pregnant with his child and how she was still deeply in love with him.

The whole story made me feel bad to be honest and I kind of wanted to help her out.

So, at first I provided some support by listening to her situation and offering helpful tidbits of information here and there which she would sometimes take. However, eventually things had gotten so bad between her and her ex boyfriend that it didn’t seem like anything would work.

That’s when I decided I was going to do some research on how most people typically approach a situation where they are trying to get their ex boyfriends back. Through my research I learned a lot about male psychology, how to properly build attraction and the importance of timing.

However, I would have to say that the most useful piece of advice I learned was the no contact rule.

It was the first time I had ever heard of something where you essentially cut someone out for a certain period of time in order to make them realize how important they are to you. So, I suggested that my friend should try this on her ex. Of course, some modifications had to be made to a strict NC since she was pregnant and he had every right to know what was going on with his child.

So, the way she approached the situation was simple.

Any time where there was a checkup or any other important information regarding the baby she would be allowed to message or talk to him on the phone. Other than that however, she was strict about her NC and didn’t break it.

At first, it didn’t seem like it was working too well because she missed him more than she had ever missed anyone in her life before. However, slowly but surely the no contact rule began to work its magic as he started getting antsy and wondering why she wasn’t begging for him back anymore.

Perhaps I should hit the pause button and explain the timing of how this all went down.

My friend didn’t get into contact with me until she was already a month pregnant. Four months after she had got into contact with me I simply listened to her vent and provided the necessary,

“It’s going to be ok’s.”

and

“It’s all going to work out in the end’s.”

as I could to her.

Around the start of month six of her pregnancy I decided to suggest that she try out the no contact rule and she complied.

She did NC (in the way I described above) for about a month and a half before it fully worked and her ex wanted her back. Yes, about midway through month seven of her pregnancy her ex boyfriend accompanied her to a checkup for the baby and they got back together the very next day.

I guess the question you are wondering is why?

What was it that she did that made him want to get back with her?

Why He Went Back To Her

im back

I believe there are a number of reasons that he went back to her.

I already taught you about the “my life is over” mindset and her ex definitely had some of that. Rather than accepting that his life was about to change he decided to run away from this fact and try to preserve the lifestyle he was so used to living. Of course, seven months after my friend told him the big news that she was pregnant he had some time to let reality set in and he began to realize that running away from his unborn child is not the right way to do things.

I have always found it interesting that men who get this MLIO (my life is over) mindset tend to have their hearts in the right place.

Now, that doesn’t excuse them for their pathetic actions of bailing but on some subconscious level they know that the second that, that child enters the world they are going to have to step up and act like a man. They know that they can’t be selfish anymore but rather selfless.

The idea that their life is over stems from this fact.

Of course, some men don’t come to this realization right away and that is where the no contact rule comes in, especially in this case.

What were some of the rules that my friend implemented when she was pregnant when it came to the no contact rule?

Well, she obviously wouldn’t contact him. However, when she went in for a checkup she felt he was entitled to know what was going on with his child so she would break NC then. Of course, she was short with him in those instances and any time he would try to steer the conversation to a topic other than their child she simply wouldn’t respond.

This was a massive 180 from the beginning of their breakup when she practically begged for him back and who can blame her?

She just found out she was pregnant. She had never felt more alone in her life and she was in love with him.

Her ex was just like most men in that he loved admiration. Any time she would beg for him back or plead for him to reconsider he kind of liked it. It made him feel wanted. It made him feel like he was powerful since he had a girl wanting him on this deep level.

Of course, when you fast forward seven months later the dynamic had changed when she blocked him out.

For the longest time he was used to her begging, used to her trying to reason with him and then all of a sudden it all stopped. The begging stopped, the reconsideration requests stopped, it all just stopped. He no longer felt wanted. He no longer felt needed.

This singular act of the no contact rule served as a wake up call for him that made him realize what a mistake he had made in leaving her and his child in the first place.

The Game Plan For Getting An Ex Back While Pregnant

according to plan

We are going to take a page out of my friends book in how she got her ex back when we look at how to get yours back. Of course, it has been years since my friends situation unfolded and I am a bit more crafty now when it comes to exes so I have new insight and advice for you to implement on top of what she did.

Here’s a brief overview of what you should do,

  • Modified NC
  • Building Attraction
  • Inviting To Checkups0

As always, I am going to be covering each of these steps in-depth.

The No Contact Rule During Pregnancy

einstein

Breakups tend to put people in a place where they feel highly emotional. Of course, pregnancy seems to do that to women too. So, when you couple the two together you are probably going to experience emotional pain like no other. This emotional pain is going to make doing the no contact rule extremely challenging.

Why?

I would say that a good 80% of women who visit this site and attempt the no contact rule end up failing it. Well, those 80% of women aren’t pregnant. So, if they are having such a rough time with no contact how do you think you are going to fare when you add in things like pregnancy hormones?

What I am about to say now is probably the most important piece of information you will find on this page.

Under no circumstances can you stray from NC in this case.

Why?

Because NC on a man who has left you while you are pregnant seems to have an increased effect since he is going to assume that you are going to beg for him back.

Of course, we are going to have to modify the no contact rule a little bit since you are pregnant and your ex does have a right to know what is going on.

Modification 1- If He Asks Anything About The Baby

I am going to leave this one up to you.

If you are in the middle of the no contact rule and he asks you something about the baby you are allowed to respond and talk to him about his inquiry. Of course, I do want to point out that if he shifts the focus to anything other than your child you are not to respond to him.

If I was in your position though the only time I would talk to him about the baby is if I were to volunteer the information myself.

Look, the thing to remember here is that these rules only apply for the time during the NC rule. After the NC rule you can go back to normal.

Modification 2- Volunteering Information On Checkups

As I am sure you have noticed one of the major sections on this page has to do with how to handle the checkups you get when you are pregnant. Well, during the NC rule you aren’t supposed to invite him to the checkups. Rather you are supposed to go to the checkup yourself and then volunteer the information to him after the fact.

Why?

Because this paints you in an independent light and should make him realize what he is missing out on.

Will it make him angry?

Probably.

But you know what?

He has no right to be angry when he is the one who left. This is what he misses out on when he leaves so make sure you make him realize that.

Building Attraction After The No Contact Rule

After the no contact rule is up then that’s when you should start building some attraction in your ex boyfriend.

What is the best way to do this?

The truth is that it’s a little too long to go into here. So, what I have done is compiled a list of the best guides I have written on Ex Boyfriend Recovery for building attraction. Check them out below,

  • Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO– My E-Book that covers exactly what to do, what to say and how to act in order to get your ex boyfriend back in pretty much any situation you can think of.
  • How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back– The very first guide I ever wrote for this site that talks a lot about rebuilding attraction in your ex boyfriend.
  • How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Love You Again– An excellent guide that focuses ONLY on how to build attraction in your ex boyfriend.
  • Get An Ex To Chase You– Another excellent guide that focuses on what you need to do if you want a man to chase after you (which can be helpful in your case.)

I know me linking to those pages is kind of weak and you probably want me to write something long and in-depth on how to build attraction in your ex but the truth is that those pages are excellent at teaching you how to do it. Besides, we have another very important issue to cover, how to handle checkups.

The Invitation To Pregnancy Checkups

invite

One of the smartest things that I feel my friend did when she was trying to get her ex boyfriend back was the fact that she would invite him to her checkups.

I actually remember she would tell me how excited she was to see him during these checkups. She even compared it to a date once.

Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but one of the biggest advantages to being pregnant and trying to get your ex boyfriend back is that you can use these checkups as a way to get him on your own version of a mini date. I know that sounds a little weird but hear me out.

When you go on a date with someone the main objective is to get that person to feel a connection with you. Generally speaking if you don’t feel a connection with that person you aren’t going to go on another date with that person. Now, let me ask you something.

What can make two human beings more connected than going to checkup and checking on a baby that is essentially made from them?

I dare you to find an activity that can match the level of connection that something like that can.

What you want to be doing is using these checkups as a way to slowly advance things and take advantage of your opportunities.

A Final Word

I don’t want to end on a bummer but I feel this is important to mention.

It’s not out of the realm of possibility that even if you do everything right, if you hit all the right emotional buttons within your ex you still may not get him back. This is another human being we are talking about here and as much as you may wish you had the ability to mind control him you can’t.

I don’t want this to discourage you and let you think that your dating life is over forever, it’s not.

The truth of the matter is that a man who leaves you during a time when you are pregnant is pathetic. No excuse can be made for that.

I know it sounds cliche but there are men out there who would be more than happy to have a beautiful woman with a child. So, if your ex can’t see you for the incredible person that you are then you can find a man who knows your value and who will treat you right.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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What Do You Think? (205)

  1. Mama OJ - 0

    Mama OJ

    Hi, I am 13 weeks pregnant and 30 years old by my ex (32 in May) who I had been in an on and off relationship with for 18months. He has lied to me a lot during that time and has been going between me and the mother of his two other children whom he had also lied about in the past. He is emotionally abusive one minute and nice the next. He broke up with me because I fell pregnant and refused to have an abortion. Two weeks ago we had a long fight over the phone and I ended it by telling him that I am done begging him to be there for us now when we need him the most and that if he isn’t going to be there for us during the pregnancy he shouldn’t bother once the child is born. 4 days later he texted me asking when I was going for a scan and if he could come with I asked why all of a sudden and he responded “just” and then two days after that he texted me again and asked how I was, I told him that I am okay and he responded with a “thumbs-up” emoji. The next day I texted him to ask whether he thinks I should buy a second hand travel system (cot, stroller and car seat) for the baby or get new ones. He said we will chat later as he was busy with a shutdown at work but he never got back to me. The next day (last night) I send him a picture of my supper and invited him to come eat with us but he never responded so after eating I texted him and told him I am sorry, I should have never texted him and again he just read the text and never responded. So I asked why he was doing what he’s doing and he pretended he didn’t know what I was talking about so I asked him why did he start communicating with me if he’s just going to ignore me when I text him? He then called me with his caller ID withheld and told me he will come and see me when he gets off work today so we can talk. I think he enjoys seeing me miserable and begging him to reconsider our break-up and hates it when I stop doing that. He knows that I love him and that I want him back regardless of all the pain and heartache he has put me through. I want to start no contact again today but I don’t know if I should let him come and talk first. And the other thing I would like to know is, should I respond to his random “Hi.. How are you?” texts during NC?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mama OJ,

      He will keep doing that as long as he sees you keep talking to him like normal. For me you shouldn’t answer how are you questions, unless it’s about the baby. Focus on other things. Read, see family, go to classes for the baby, watch videos that help you through and after pregancy. Be productive.. but honestly for me, I don’t advise going back to an emotionally abusive person.

    • Mama OJ - 0

      Mama OJ

      So he never came for the “talk” but he called (again with his number withheld) to let me know he won’t be able to come as he is on standby at work. I knew it was him when the phone rang, answered cheerfully and didn’t say anything. I just listened to what he had to say and then said “okay, bye”. Except for that I have had no other contact with him today (first day of NC) Didn’t even check his profile (which I did a lot in the past).

      I honestly don’t know if I actually want him back or if I want to move on but either way I am going through with no contact for at least 4full weeks. Hopefully by then I will know whether I want him back or not.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If not, it’s ok to extend the nc period.

  2. Natalia - 0

    Natalia

    I’m in this situation, me and him were together for a year and on and off for a year, I won’t get into tremendous details but I told him when I was about 8 weeks, I let him know I didn’t know what I was going to do as far as keeping the baby because our relationship was already so complicated, a couple weeks later, I let him know I was keeping it, he started down talking me, accusing me of sleeping with his friends, after the argument is let him know we are more than welcome to do paternity testing, afterwards I immediately implemented the no contact, I only reached to let him no its a girl, he didn’t respond, it’s been 32 days….Should I just give up or is he just scared??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Natalia,

      he’s probably scared.. you might have to do minimal contact

  3. Sabrina - 0

    Sabrina

    So, I have a sincere question… I fall into a few of these categories and am unsure how to approach this. My ex and I broke up in May after a few years together only to reconcile and officially end in October. We continued to sleep together and as of December, I’m pregnant. We had been trying for years & he even admitted when we conceived that was why he gave up on us. Well, I have sense learned that during the last few months of our relationship while we actually miscarried that he was talking to someone else. He is a man who starts one before leaving another. He told me recently they’re telling one another the love each other. He hasn’t told her yet I’m pregnant though. Obviously had I known he had already moved on I would have been far more careful, but to me this was the man I’d been trying to have children with for at least a year… so I allowed this to happen. I asked him why he would be risky if he knew he was moving on. Part of him admits he wanted a child the other he didn’t think it would happen, and lastly… maybe I love you both. I know he can’t love her or I and act this way. Hiding it from her is only going to cause them issues. He stated she isn’t his girlfriend. Honestly he is a mess.

    Part of me wants to be back with him since I know we ended because we had a rocky past I was struggling to forgive, hence the grass is greener – she doesn’t have any drama with him, well, until now. The other part of me knows I deserve way more then this man has to offer.

    So, he didn’t break up with me because I’m pregnant he ended it cause I couldn’t let go of the past and met a new woman who was fun and had not been hurt by him, yet. But I am pregnant and I am now dealing with a man who more or less has a girlfriend, even if he says he doesn’t. I’ve started to do the 30day no contact although I’m not sure it’s right for us. Last time I saw him I was weak and intimate with him – that doesn’t help… I also was very much living in the past because seeing him interact with another woman he met while we were still involved doesn’t allow me to live in the moment specially while carrying his child.

    Any wisdom is appreciated. Thank you!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sabrina,

      yes its a grass is greener.. He doesnt see that the pregnancy outweighs what he thinks about you.. Its not it’s all your fault..it’s just that he has already associated you to bad memories..

  4. Veronica - 0

    Veronica

    I’ve been in a relationship for five years. We have been trying to have a baby for the past year. I am now five months pregnant. He broke up with me a month ago. He made very good money but about 2 years ago he was laid off of work. I took care of the household for the past two years financially. Shortly after we found out we were pregnant he got his job back which requires a lot of traveling. We moved into a bigger place which requires his help financially although not much. One month after going back to his old job he broke up with me. He began being very mean and nasty toward me. I honestly don’t know what’s going on or if he has someone else but it was very strange and out of the blue. He has become so harsh and will not talk to me and blocked me from his phone. We live together and he has not come back home since leaving for work last month. His job will take him away for months at a time. But we’ve always made sure we see each other. But not this time. I am not only heart broken but it hurts because it seems like the interest in this baby has gone. He initially would call every night to be put on speaker phone to talk to the baby and now I’m getting nothing. Two days ago we had a long talk which turned into arguing but I got him to start calling to speak to the baby at night time because it’s very important to me that she hears his voice while still inside of me. I explained to him that it’s so much bigger than the two of us at this point but he’s just so nasty and seems so angry towards me as if I did something and I know that I did not. When I ask him why did he decide to walk away from me now while pregnant he gives 1 million different excuses which are lies. I really don’t know what’s going on all I know is that I want my family. I am doing the no contact other than in reference to the baby I just don’t know how long I can do it because at times I feel very sad and alone. Please help me at least deal with these emotions and figure out what I need to do here.

    Within the last 3 days he has called every night to read bed time stories to the baby in my belly. He told me last week when he calls do not make small talk with him as he is only calling to talk about to the baby. The problem is, he has attempted small talk but as much as I want to, I dismiss it and tell him we will talk to him tomorrow. I had a doc appointment yesterday and he asked to be on speaker phone for the first time. It was actually harder for me with him on speaker than me going alone because I wish he was there. I did find out that his assignment for this job ended and he is remaining in the rental property and refusing to come home. He has a million excuses about me as to why he won’t come home which is why I’m thinking it may be someone else. However he is a loner and a little strange so it’s hard to tell.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Veronica,

      even if he’s a loner, if he really loves you he would want to be with you.. Aside from the advice above, be in counseling to have professional help.. Put the baby first for now..Be with family and friends and enjoy the preparatiob for the baby..he’s still co parenting with you, so dont worry about the baby not having a father because it looks like he’s still willing to do that..

  5. Adrianna - 0

    Adrianna

    Hi I just found out I’m pregnant and my ex doesn’t want to be with me cuz he wants to be with another woman and I told him he has a chance to be with me or her and I told him I would rather be with the baby dad and if doesn’t want to be with me that he will never see his child what I should do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Adrianna,

      Do you want to try the advise above? Are you going to do the no contact rule?

  6. Santateresa - 0

    Santateresa

    Hi
    I first asked my question on 9/10.
    Well I have given birth. He hasn’t seen the baby. He broke up with me saying he doesn’t want to live together anymore as we’re fighting a lot via text but still want to “co-parent” as if that is possible with him living in another country.

    I was devastated but now I am angry. It’s an awful timing for a break up. I had been asking him earlier but he timed it right before Christmas!! Right after giving birth to his son.

    Now he doesn’t want a clean break. He wants me to message him everyday because we are parents to the same kid and “we should behave normally towards each other” I suggested making a website he can access to check out updates about the baby or even just contacting my mom, but he wants us to be in touch. He said he’d visit the baby every other month and we should see how if it’d would work out. I pressed him if he wanted me keep the door open for him and he said he’s not saying yes not saying no but we’re old enough to decide for ourselves. When pressed about whether or not I should keep my Japanese visa he said I better have a visa (so he can order me back when he wants?!) . I said I didn’t have the means to, and he said maybe next year he would be in Singapore anyway so I might not need the visa (so? Is he implying he’ll take me to Singapore?)

    Frankly I don’t know if I should continue messaging him. I send him photos of his baby:no messages, just photos, just because I’m afraid he’d cancel child support if I didn’t. My mom said I should continue being amicable because I might “win him back” and I should “make him fall in love with me again” A part of me wants to be together, a part of me is angry, and a part of me is just physically and emotionally exhausted and don’t care. This is the third or fourth time he’s breaking up with me in 18 months and each time he came back.
    Unfortunately, pregnancy hormones+ post partum. And there is a baby now. Getting tired of all these.

    What’s the best course of action, ignore him totally, message him with photos of kid only or communicate with him as before as though we didn’t break up (which is what he wants? )

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Santateresa,

      communicate with him as a co parent only..
      You have too much on your plate. Now,is not the right time to think about how or if you should get him back with him because you have to bounce back from the pregnancy and take care of the baby at the same time.. That means only messaging him about the baby..If photos is the only thing that’s comfortable for you, that’s ok. Just don’t fight. Physically, you’re going through post partum, don’t feed that by more negativity.. Enjoy these moments with your baby. Yes, it’s very hard but they grow up too fast and you could unintentionally project your mood to the baby.. Make happy memories that you can go back to when your baby starts to understand..

      If he wants to see the baby, so be it. Let him be a father. Be polite. You don’t have to be all warm, just calm, polite, and amicable is enough..

  7. Jennifer - 0

    Jennifer

    I am 8 weeks pregnant, he left screwing around with 5 other girls. I been NC for 6 days but called him today because I was on the way to hospital thought I was miscarrying bleeding and he hung up on me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jennifer,

      It’s ok to talk to him about the pregnancy. How long were you together?

  8. Softly Feather - 0

    Softly Feather

    Hello, I am 7 months pregnant to this day. Before I got pregnant, I was seeing someone from highschool and I was fit, in shape, and happy about life. I was planning on travelling and finishing Univeristy. My boss at the time seemed interested in me, he was 10 years older and his parents owned the business I worked at. One night he invited a few of my friends over for some drinks, I got a little tipsy and long story short I ended up pregnant by him. I had it on my mind while we continued working together. He would do cute things to me and treat me with special attention. I grew to enjoy it and even crave it. I knew about a week later I was pregnant. Something about my body was different. Backaches, headaches, mood swings, and two weeks later I threw up in the morning. I got a pregnancy test (two actually) and both came back positive. I told my boss the next day, I went to his work early and asked to see him. He had no idea, it took him completely by surprise. He was excited to be a dad (he’s 35 with no kids or girlfriend) and we decided to work on it together. A few weeks went by, he took me to my appointments and scheduled my shifts differently (evening shifts on account of the morning sickness) he even bought me a tonne of food and displayed interest in my friends. Everything seemed great, but then he grew distant. He was mad I had told my friend and it got around, because of the position we were in he obviously wasn’t supposed to be sleeping with staff. I was excited though. It was my first pregnancy and I liked the idea of us being a family. Then the girls at the place we worked at told him that I went behind his back and told them. They would tell him things about what I said and he started to grow even more distant. Being hormonal I would call him to come over often, but he never seemed to open up. He said he felt a little trapped. Then another person from work said I was seeing someone when I got there, which wasn’t a lie I was seeing someone I dated in highschool. He was going to come see me, and we were together before I started the job, but I knew by the time frame I was with him too far away from the time I got pregnant. He asked me for a paternity test, and things were different at work. It wasn’t the same and I just wanted to be by my family and friends back home, so I told him I was going to leave. He didn’t even stop me, he just told me to tell him if I was going to. The next day I messaged him and told him, and I left back home. He has never forgiven me for that and even when I regretted leaving and asked to come back he said we were over. He said he couldn’t handle my emotions and my flip flopping but the truth is I’m just very emotional right now. More than I have ever been in my life. I told him that he was the meanest person I ever met, and he called me crazy. So I blocked, deleted him, everything. Even changed my number. A week ago I finally messaged him, because I knew I was just hurt that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, but I knew it was selfish for my unborn child because he still wanted to be a father, just not with me. He freaked out on me for blocking him, saying I was the craziest, meanest, and selfish person he ever met. He makes me feel like complete crap. I have never felt this emotional in my life and with him he just gets angrier and angrier. I told him that I was sorry, but I had my reasons, and that he can be a part of his sons life. I also finally accepted his offer for some money, which he sent right away to help with everything he needs. At this point we are kind of at a friendly, amicable talking stage where I tell him what’s going on, and he doesn’t talk about anything else, except for the baby. I still feel hurt, and confused, and emotionally torn but I’m trying to act civil. Truth is I just wish things could go back to the way things were, before I used to bother him to come over, or before I left his work. He says that me and him will never be a couple, and I’ve never seen anyone hold a grudge for so long. I’m glad he has always stepped up and agreed to be part of his life, and even helped me out without confirming that it was his son. I feel so used, and ugly now. I used to be wanted, and fit, and so confident but now I am even failing at that. I wish things could go back to the way things were, and I’m currently not talking to him (Although it has only been a few days) I agreed to let him stay at my place when he comes in for the birth, this seemed to make him kind of emotional but happy, since he was probably worried about that. I told him I was fine with just remaining friends but the truth is I’m dying inside and I really want him back. How do I prove to him it’s just the emotions that were making me flip-floppy? Or that me leaving his business was because I couldn’t deal with the stress for working for him anymore. Currently I am at a new job and have been saving for a few months. I am in a relaxed state of mind but these pregnant emotions are making me feel all kinds of lonely. Help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Softly Feather,

      Just tell him.. Email if you want to, so, that he would have to read before he answers. If he doesn’t believe you, it’s not your fault anymore.. And not to be offensive, I believe it is his baby, but for everybody’s peace of mind, it would be better if you get a paternity test when the baby is born. For me, it’s for your baby’s security too. So, that whatever happens, he won’t say that he’s not even sure if the baby is his… Right now, just stay civil with him and be healthy for you and the baby. Set aside getting him back, because honestly, it’s not the right time. All the emotional roller coaster will not be good for the baby.

  9. Softly Feather - 0

    Softly Feather

    Hello, I am 7 months pregnant to this day. Before I got pregnant, I was seeing someone from highschool and I was fit, in shape, and happy about life. I was planning on travelling and finishing Univeristy. My boss at the time seemed interested in me, he was 10 years older and his parents owned the business I worked at. One night he invited a few of my friends over for some drinks, I got a little tipsy and long story short I ended up pregnant by him. I had it on my mind while we continued working together. He would do cute things to me and treat me with special attention. I grew to enjoy it and even crave it. I knew about a week later I was pregnant. Something about my body was different. Backaches, headaches, mood swings, and two weeks later I threw up in the morning. I got a pregnancy test (two actually) and it came back positive. I told my boss the next day, I went to his work early and asked to see him. He had no idea, it took him completely by surprise. He was excited to be a dad (he’s 35 with no kids of girlfriend) and we decided to work on it together. A few weeks went by, he took me to my appointments and scheduled my shifts differently (evening shifts on account of the morning sickness) he even bought me a tonne of food and displayed interest in my friends. Everything seemed great, but then he grew distant. He was mad I had told my friend and it got around, because of the position we were in he obviously wasn’t supposed to be sleeping with staff. I was excited though. It was my first pregnancy and I liked the idea of us being a family. Then the girls at the place we worked at told him that I went behind his back and told them. They would tell him things about what I said and he started to grow even more distant. Being hormonal I would call him to come over often, but he never seemed to open up. He said he felt a little trapped. Then another person from work said I was seeing someone when I got there, which wasn’t a lie I was seeing someone I dated in highschool. He was going to come see me, and we were together before I started the job, but I knew by the time frame I was with him too far away from the time I got pregnant. He asked me for a paternity test, and things were different at work. It wasn’t the same and I just wanted to be by my family and friends back home, so I told him I was going to leave. He didn’t even stop me, he just told me to tell him if I was going to. The next day I messaged him and told him, and I left back home. He has never forgiven me for that and even when I regretted leaving and asked to come back he said we were over. He said he couldn’t handle my emotions and my flip flopping but the truth is I’m just very emotional right now. More than I have ever been in my life. I told him that he was the meanest person I ever met, and he called me crazy. So I blocked, deleted him, everything. Even changed my number. A week ago I finally messaged him, because I knew I was just hurt that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, but I knew it was selfish for my unborn child because he still wanted to be a father, just not with me. He freaked out on me for blocking him, saying I was the craziest, meanest, and selfish person he ever met. He makes me feel like complete crap. I have never felt this emotional in my life and with him he just gets angrier and angrier. I told him that I was sorry, but I had my reasons, and that he can be a part of his sons life. I also finally accepted his offer for some money, which he sent right away to help with everything he needs. At this point we are kind of at a friendly, amicable talking stage where I tell him what’s going on, and he doesn’t talk about anything else, except for the baby. I still feel hurt, and confused, and emotionally torn but I’m trying to act civil. Truth is I just wish things could go back to the way things were, before I used to bother him to come over, or before I left his work. He says that me and him will never be a couple, and I’ve never seen anyone hold a grudge for so long. I’m glad he has always stepped up and agreed to be part of his life, and even helped me out without confirming that it was his son. I feel so used, and ugly now. I used to be wanted, and fit, and so confident but now I am even failing at that. I wish things could go back to the way things were, and I’m currently not talking to him (Although it has only been a few days) I agreed to let him stay at my place when he comes in for the birth, this seemed to make him kind of emotional but happy, since he was probably worried about that. I told him I was fine with just remaining friends but the truth is I’m dying inside and I really want him back. How do I prove to him it’s just the emotions that were making me flip-floppy? Or that me leaving his business was because I couldn’t deal with the stress for working for him anymore. Currently I am at a new job and have been saving for a few months. I am in a relaxed state of mind but these pregnant emotions are making me feel all kinds of lonely. Help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Softly Feather,

      Just tell him.. Email if you want to, so, that he would have to read before he answers. If he doesn’t believe you, it’s not your fault anymore.. And not to be offensive, I believe it is his baby, but for everybody’s peace of mind, it would be better if you get a paternity test when the baby is born. For me, it’s for your baby’s security too. So, that whatever happens, he won’t say that he’s not even sure if the baby is his… Right now, just stay civil with him and be healthy for you and the baby. Set aside getting him back, because honestly, it’s not the right time. All the emotional roller coaster will not be good for the baby.

  10. Mary - 0

    Mary

    I am almost 7 months pregnant .. was living with my ex and due to trust issues from my side because of him leaving me and walking out on me before, I because a little insecure and jealous.. the hormones were making act irrational at times I admit it.. we had 4 big fights and on the last one he broke up things with me for good he said.. he said he was tired of my jealousy and didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby.. i asked him to give a chance that the pregnancy has me very emotional and that I’m not the person I was projecting. He said no
    It’s been 3 weeks and he hasn’t try to look for me or the baby
    I had 2 dr’s appointments already and he hasn’t even try to see how the baby is doing I am doing the no contact rule in planning to do it for one more week .. I’ll be getting another ultrasound before the baby is born and I don’t know if I should let him know about it ?
    After all he told his mom he doesn’t want to be with us because he doubts the baby is his , I still feel very offended by that but god and I know is his baby.. I’m afraid he will use me not communicating about he baby’s well being against me one day if I file for child support?
    My things are still at his parents house it’s hard for me to find a place to move out I’m almost 7 months and don’t have money to do so.
    I’m staying at my parents but that’s until the baby is born.. i don’t know what to do here
    He is acting like if he hates me or like if I done something terrible to him. I have a feeling he went back to his ex just how he is done in on the past .. help here please

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mary,

      that’s too short for a no contact period. You have to do at least 30 or I think or 45 even.. but don’t worry, you can still contact him about doctor’s appointments, as long as it’s only about those.. No feelings, no relationship, no begging for him to come back, no trying to convince him that you’re changing, no hate, no anger… just being civil..

      and then focus in making yourself healthy and happy for yourself and the baby.. you can get a paternity test later on if needed.. but right now, he has to think that you’ve accepted the situation, moved on, and aiming to be independent and just to co parent with him…

      that way you have a higher chance of him realizing you won’t act jealous anymore and he wont feel pressured around you…

  11. Nanteza Prossy - 0

    Nanteza Prossy

    Am also 3months pregnant but my boyfriend changed the day he came to know i was pregnant.So wen i asked if he wanted mi to abort he never supported it.Am the one to cal smtyms he picks up other he makes ma cal busy.i love him and even wen i try to give him time without calling,i end up calling.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nanteza,
      how long were you together? how old are you both? And what do you think about the advice above? are you going to try it?

  12. Alex - 0

    Alex

    Hi all 🙂

    I am 8 and a half months pregnant, met the father, had couple of dates, then I decided I didn’t want to see him again and made it clear to him as I didn’t think he was a good match, had very poor lines and sounded like a cheap player,
    When I found out I was pregnant I called him and was really supportive, even though he already had 3 other kids with another woman,
    He showed he is very mature and a good man, opposed to what I thought at first.
    We tried to be together as a couple but the hormones didn’t let the magic last long as I became really jealous and didn’t trust him at all.
    We had 3 big fights and always tried to make things work.
    I moved to his place in another country where he works so we could be together when the baby comes and then he told me he is unsure if he wants to be in a serious relationship with me as he is used to live alone.
    He cried a lot when I left and also cried few days latter when I said I didn’t want to discuss relationships anymore as I don’t love him, we never really had any talk about feelings or relationships before.
    I met his kids and his mother but he hasn’t met anyone in my family.
    He is worried also that the mother of his kids won’t allow him to see the kids if we are together, or else that she will make it harder and demand his presence all the time using the kids as an excuse (sick, school issues,..)
    I have initiated NC, however he will come to live with me now for few weeks so he can be present when the baby arrives and also spend the first days together as a family to bond with the baby.
    Now I’m not sure how this will work (NC) as he can’t sleep next to me without hugging me and initiating sex (which I already decided it won’t happen this time),
    I am not sure about my feelings at the moment as I am focusing on the baby but would like things to work as we were great together, he has issues to express his feelings in general and doesn’t like to talk about things that make him worried and he is going through a lot too but this time he was selfish enough to have that conversation that made me go away even when I am already so close to my due date to then regret it.
    Sometimes it still crosses my mind that he is seeing other girls but not as much as before, however this is something I have to work on myself too, I could be with someone else even now if I wanted to.
    I am keeping positive about this all and will keep you updated on how it goes,

    Thank you for all the advice and helping so many people to be happy 🙂

    Alex

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alex,

      there are too many issues.. First, his problem with his ex should be his problem only.. If he doesn’t or can’t see your baby because of that, then have a talk that you’re sole concern is your child. His always welcome to be the father of the child but he has to be man enough to talk to his ex about his situation with his other kids.. It’s good that you’re not going to sleep with him again because that will just make your situation worse.

      Just make everything simple. I know it’s easy to say but hard to do but that’s the only solution I can see.. Have separate rooms when you live together, and remind yourself of your standards so that it would be easier for you to deal with him. No relationship with him if he’s not faithful. If he really wants this to work, there should more effort on his side than you trying to convince him.. Because there shouldn’t even any convincing to be done..

  13. Cathorse - 0

    Cathorse

    So I was in a long-distance relationship with the boyfriend for 1.5 years. We just broke up during my this visit to him. Reason? He don’t want to marry me, for many reasons. But I wanted to marry him… However, I agreed this breakup. When I was leaving, I found out being pregnant. I told him, he insisted I should go abortion. But I’m 36 already, this is my first child. I do want to keep the baby. Now questions: 1. The baby’s father actually is a man in his fifties, never married or have kids, he told me want to settle with kids in the early stage of our dating. So is that possible for this man to change his mind to accept the child? 2. Now he is in a mode no communication since I don’t agree abortion, and he thinks I’m trying to trap him, what shall I do to make him know I just want a child, not on purpose trap him? 3. Being a single mum is difficult, and even more difficult in my country. If possible, I hope at least can have a marriage certificate to keep this child even later divorce, I don’t need his financial support or being there, but I just don’t want the social pressure having child without marriage. How can I made him to agree on this? Finally…I’m still happy even this relationship didn’t go the way I was expecting. But I’m so grateful the god given me this gift. Appreciate your answers.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cathrose,

      You need to be strong.. Other people’s opinions are just opinions. Getting a marriage certificate for other people’s opinion is not the right reason for it.. People will have a say in whatever situation you are in, so you have to build a thick skin for that. Besides, you don’t live for them, you live for your child now..

      You can’t force him, so the best you can do is to give him space because the more you try to convince him now, the more you will look like you’re forcing him. Right?

      I’m happy that you think that whatever happens, you have a blessing, hold on to that. Him marrying you is the least priority now..

  14. S - 0

    S

    Wow just proves how phyco you girls are, I’m researching why my ex is telling me is pregnant while I am at sea working but insists I keep it to myself and don’t tell a soul and refuses to send me and scan photos or any evidence to prove that she is in fact pregnant..

    you say your old fashioned am assuming you still want equal rights yeah? But still expect the man to pay for everything? Pfft the what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is my own I call this the wyimawmim mindset..

    Seriously if you guys just stopped playing these phyco head games we would all be in a better place just say what your thinking and tell us how you feel.. So hard? Treat us like personal phyco logical experiment no wonder we have the life is over mindset half the time is not the child we worry about but the mind battering women we have messed up having them with!

    Reply
    • Abbigail - 0

      Abbigail

      That’s not always true. I’m pregnant and my ex left me bc of a fight that could have been avoided if he would have just met me in the middle. He was playing mind games and continues to play mind games even still. I’ve been sad and worrying wth he’s been doing for weeks now but he continues to hang with his friends, drinking, and doing God knows what. I’ve told him about my complications during the pregnancy and he could care less. I’ve done all I could to try and keep us together but his own selfishness kept him away. That is not mine or the baby’s fault. It’s his own selfishness. Any man who can walk away from a child or the mother at this time over a petty fight was never a man in the first place.

      Your situation is a little different, considering she isn’t giving any evidence but we aren’t all just crazy and play mind games. We’re given a reason.

  15. Santateresa - 0

    Santateresa

    Hi. I am 26 weeks pregnant and my situation is kind of different.
    I was living with my baby daddy and we would always fight. He initially wanted me to abort but I refused. And then we agreed we’d go for it. When I was 20 weeks and couldn’t take both the emotional pain and the physical pain of the pregnancy (my tummy was hurting so much, I was afraid I’d have a miscarriage) , I decided to fly home to my parents, coz my mom is a Dr. He didn’t approve of it and hated my making decision to fly home without consulting him (he always wearing earphones at home so I couldn’t talk to him). My mom found what was wrong with me-UTI, malnutrition for me and the baby, low hemoglobin etc. I started treatment and kept in touch with him, promising to fly back in two weeks. Well, days prior to my flight he was saying he would fly home to his parents in another continent basically for two weeks and spend the weekend away after my return probably to spend a weekend biking with his friends .
    I was angry, because it felt like he was trying to get back at me for just jetting off and he wanted me to feel how he felt when I left him. But it’s not fair coz I was having pregnancy issues and I was hurting and the doctors in that country were helpless and we are both expats so I have no one in that country but him. I told him I wasn’t flying back if he would hardly be by my side. What do I do in case of emergency???
    I stopped messaging him a month ago.
    He would message me about the baby and my check ups and then lately my parents were asking what his plans were. So I messaged him and he said he plans to be a dad. I said he could still be a dad without us being together. I asked him if he still wants to work it out or not. But I’ll be giving birth in a few months and I need know for practicalities sake – considering there are three countries involved- if we are going to try it out. I said for example if he doesn’t want to try it out that’s fine, but because we live in two different countries I want my baby to have my last name, not his. If he wants to try it out, we can fly back to our country of residence, but I want a consent form that lets me fly internationally with the baby-so we can leave if it doesn’t work out.
    Well,. It’s been a week and he hasn’t replied. Im not being emotional about it, I’m being practical. i just need to know if I should start looking for a nanny, a bigger house etc here. I’m mentally preparing for him to say he doesn’t want to to work it out and I made it clear its OK, but due to laws and legalities(visas, taxes) , the earlier I know the better. It’s frustrating that he doesn’t reply-all I want is news, even if its bad news. What so difficult about ending it so I can move on? I want it to come from him, that’s it . and I made that quite clear to him. But he refuses to communicate when the topic goes to our relationship. I’ve been doing the NC rule(I’m pretty good at that). I don’t text him and don’t plan on doing so. I just don’t know how to coax an answer out of him. Don’t get me wrong I want it to work out -i love him but he hurt me mea lot and besides I’m too proud to go crawling back. So my attitude is like, ‘ You want to end it? Fine, let’ s f*****g end it! Bring it on! Your loss!! !!! ‘ and then he disappears and I don’t hear from him!!!! I don’t know how to handle him when he builds that stone wall around him

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Santateresa,

      You can’t control him, so the best you can do is if it doesn’t work out when you’ve already given birth to your child, is to use your last name for the child. If he really wants it to work out, he’ll fly to you and your child.

  16. Nichole - 0

    Nichole

    7 weeks pregnant by my ex. He’s 28 I’m 26. Broke up in 2013 after 4.5 years. Been fooling around on and off even since. Fast forward to today. Shortly after we became pregnant he started dating this girl. He has since told her that I’m expecting and that it his child but wasn’t truthful about how far along I was to cover his butt (we all know the truth will come out in the end.) We have incredibly good chemistry and always have. We get a long great and during my worst times and his worst times we were both very supportive of another. Eventually though my depression got the best of.me and he couldnt handle it hence the break up. Any ways. Although we say we don’t want a relationship with eachother do you think that may change with this for be use of the baby. We basically dobthe no contact thing. He never messages me about the baby and I only message him to let him know about appts. Idk. I don’t know if I want the family because I’m pregnant or if I still care about him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nichole,

      A baby is always a blessing right? 🙂 Anyways, I’m not a mom but of course you’re going to be a mom and maybe the hormones, makes you want to have a complete family.

      But him being a father and a partner is two different roles. For me, it’s ok to ask him or demand that he should be a great father but being a partner should come more naturally from him. If I was in your position, I won’t ask to be back together especially that he has a girlfriend. He has to work for me. The good news is that you have a lot of time because he will see you everytime he will come to see his child. So, just focus in your health right now, and in recovering after birth, getting your life routine back and working on yourself independently as a person, apart from being a mom..

      Don’t sleep with him again if you’re not together. Raise your value. Don’t let him think that you’re chasing him to have a complete family. Even if you are not together, as long as he’s being a good father, that ok.

  17. Ann - 0

    Ann

    I’m almost 7 months pregnant and the father of my child left me because I didn’t get an abortion. We were dating for almost 2 years and I did love him. However I found out that he had three other girlfriends while he was dating me. I know he’s not worth it because he’s a lying cheater but I want my baby to have a relationship with his father. Will the No Contact rule still work? Also he told me he doesn’t want to be on the birth certificate and that he doesn’t want anything to do with me or the child, no life updates, nothing. So inviting him to check ups won’t work. Any tips?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ann,

      We can’t guarantee that.. Basically the only thing that will most likely happen if you stop asking him to be responsible for his child is that he will be less annoyed of you.. Maybe when he sees that you’re happy, you and your child, he may have second thoughts and want to be involved again.

  18. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    So my ex and I dated for about 8 months during that time we were so in love but my family didn’t like him and I think that really affected him. I fought for him the next couple of months and then gave up but then he contacted me and we got back together (during that period he had said some quite mean things to me and also used to just not respond to me a lot of the time except when he wanted to speak). I probably sound quite desperate
    Anyway, we thought let’s try to make it work. I was really trying and putting in loads of effort but he wasn’t and if j ever mentioned this he would say that I was “nagging” and so is apologise. To me it felt like a vicious cycle. Anyway, we eventually broke up 5 weeks ago. I was out with my friends and he responsed in our convo about 3 hours later saying that he was no longer having a night in but going for a couple of drinks but he was driving. I thought and said excited “come and pick me up!” Thinking itd be nice to have some drinks together with his friends. His response was to say he wasn’t driving anymore. I was expecting to tell me to come anyway but he didn’t so I just said ok have fun. He then asked what my problem was to which I replied I just thought we could be spontaneous and have some drinks together. He then started saying to me that I was creating issues and unnecessary animosity and we’d planned to see each other the next night so what was the issue. He then turned his phone off so I couldn’t contact him. The next morning he said to me “read back the messages and let me know what you think”. I stupidly apologised and said sorry I just wanted to see you and have fun with you. He then just said he’d talk to me later. I messaged asking what time we were meeting that evening. He didn’t respond for 4 hours and said “he wasn’t happy about last night and didn’t want to see me” – this was an hour before my suggested time of meeting. We then didn’t speak until the following evening when I tried to call (he didn’t answer as expected) and then messaged to say that I was just phone to draw a line under our relationship. He then messaged saying he’d call me the next day- he had a habit of prolonging things out. We had a nice amicable convo the next day and it was all fine. We met the following weekend so I could get some of my stuff and he seemed quite cold and checked out of the relationship. We didn’t speak for 3 weeks until he messaged on my birthday. I was abroad but just said thank and then stupidly dropped the bombshell that I needed to talk to him. (I realised I should’ve waited now). Once I was back the next day I messaged saying I was weeks late and worried. His concern wasn’t to ask if I was ok but ok we need to sort this out. I said I’d message later in the week. He messaged the next day. Things turned sour because I asked him bout something a mutual friend said re him taking drugs. He immediately went on the defensive and attacked me and said that she said she didn’t say he took drugs and that I was lying to catch him out and I was now lying about being late. So I told him to leave me alone and I’d deal with it myself. He then said no we’ll deal with it together but when we tried to organise a time he was like gues I’ll have to cancel my plans on that day then (he was going for drinks). I said don’t worry about it I’ll deal with it because I didn’t want him to resent me any more than he did but he seemed to just get angry when I said we need to stop talking because he constantly just has me in tears and attacks and I deserve better, all I needed was some support from him. We have now not spoken since. I’ve had to omit some details because this is already so long but am I in the wrong here??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      Well, it looks like he thinks you’re chasing him.. how are you now?

    • Saeah - 0

      Saeah

      Hi,
      So turns out I was pregnant and I told him, he didn’t respond with anything except so you’re pregnant.
      When I was at my appointment to deal with it I messaged saying all I needed was his support.
      I don’t want to be with him at all but he’s made out like I’m crazy and blocked me on via phone and social media.
      Will he ever feel any remorse?!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Just like what the article said, give him time. If he thought you were chasing before, now he likely feels pressured..

  19. JESSI - 0

    JESSI

    i am 1 month pregnant. My ex and i had relationship for 6 months and we broke up 6 months ago. Last two months we met few time. Last month we had a huge fight cause i found out he has a girlfriend. And. i blocked him away. Yesterday, i found out i am pregnant with his child. What should i do? i cant go into surgery room.
    i love him but he is a playboy. Actually, when we had relationship he cheated me with his highschool girl. Now he is with her, and he cheated her with me. He said he ended everything. but it was lie. what should i do ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jessi

      let him know the truth but of course, it would only be for the sake of being transparent first..

      if he is willing to support the baby, that’s good but don’t ask to be back with him and then do limited no contact

  20. Brittany - 0

    Brittany

    I am only 7 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend recently left me. We have only been together in a romantic relationship for 7 months but we have been close friends for many years. We discussed having children and for the most part this was a planned pregnancy. When I first told him he seemed excited and we had just found a place together. Well within a week about 2 weeks after discovering I was pregnant he decided he no longer wanted to live together and signed our lease by himself and told me I could not move in. He also has been trying to convince me and even begged me to have an abortion. His parents are foreign immigrants and do not approve of our relationship (even though I’m 26 and he’s 30 and were adults capable of making our own decisions). His parents set him up with another woman before discovering I was pregnant. When I refused to have an abortion he told me he wanted nothing to do with me or the child and to stay out of his life. I feel very lost and confused and betrayed because he was the one who wanted children and was set on making our relationship work (I wanted to stay friends). What do I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Brittany,

      keep the baby if you want, you can do it.. do you want to try Chris’ advice above?

  21. Meryl - 0

    Meryl

    Hi chris, i really hope you can give some advice ive read your site and its really intriguing.
    Well to cut a long story short im currently 30 weeks pregnant ive known my ‘boyfriend’ for almost a year we first started as friends with benefits but then when became good friends and started to have feelings for each other but our relationship was always kept a secret…then a couple of months later started to have feelings for each other he went to his native home for holiday (his Indian) and got engaged for an arranged marriage from then on i told him that i could accept him as before but he was saying he has no choice im older than him by 3 years and that his parents will never accept me blah blah…so when he came back he still wanted to continue our relationship then he got some bad news his mom had passed away he went back for the funeral after that i felt pity for him so I continued to sleep with him but in my head i knew i will never accept him with his new wife well one month later i found out i was pregnant i told him about it but he was hysterical he wanted me to have an abortion because it would ruin his name…but i told him that i dont believe in abortion and promised him that he can carry on with his life and I will never tell anyone his the father but still he was upset saying that i was ruining his name blah blah so i cut off contact with him he continued to contact me saying that we should meet up for a holiday I went thinking that we would talk about the baby we never talked about the baby so after the holiday i felt used and he started to become distant saying he was busy with the wedding preparation and that to please give him so time and we will talk more when he was less busy…this never happened two weeks before his wedding i had a huge fight with him because he was ignoring eventhough i told him to at least keep contact to tell me how he us and he got very upset and told me to forget about him well after a few days i missed him and apologized but since then he was never the same and gave me one word answers so I decided to leave him alone and wished him all the best then i did nc for one week and he text me to say if I remember him and why i didn’t wish him for his wedding i gave him a one word answer then one week after he txt to ask how i was i said im ok and he said he was not bad at all and that he was living at his wife place since then I continued nc and i haven’t heard from him I loved him but cannot accept him being married to another and he has been posting photos of him and his wife looking happy together…the thing is should I keep him informed about the baby im going to have a scan in two weeks…the first scan i had i send him photos and he was happy to see his baby but that was before he got married…i know that there’s no possibility of getting him back because how he is reacting but should i keep limited contact to update him about the baby…i hope uni i dont sound pathetic….if you can reply me in private that would be nice…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Meryl,

      Nope don’t update him anymore.. if he really wants to see his chils, he has to make an effort for it

  22. Isis - 0

    Isis

    I’m 28, almost 7 mos pregnant. My 31 yr old ex knew about the surprise pregnancy since month one. At that time, we’d been dating for about 8 mos. He already has a 5-yr old with another woman who has long since moved on and married, but he supports and visits his kid, so when he found out I was pregnant, he reacted with surprise but knew he could handle another child since he cares for one already. He also valued that I was independent with a good career, financially stable which his previous gf didn’t have (plus she had 4 other kids). Initially, the first 4 mos he seemed ok, started making plans to get a new place so we can move in together and raise a family. He said he loved me, would say supportive words and tell me not to be afraid when the day comes. However, I started having mood swings, becoming impatient with how little we got to see each other (he works as a full time chef) and barely communicating about plans for the future. I became a text gnat, pushing him further away, which in turn his avoidance just made me even more stressed and feeling unsupported. He started asking if I could give him time to think things through, which I did poorly in respecting. 3 wks ago after being a text gnat again, he told me, “Now I have been nice before, but I can’t stand your millions of texts and I hate to sound cold but we’re done. Just keep me posted about (pregnancy) updates.”

    I became the worst I ever could be that night, sending begging texts, breaking down entirely, and tried to meet him after his work but he entirely avoided me. What’s worse is I contacted his parents and told them of the pregnancy, but they never knew about it and were very shocked too. A few days later my ex got very upset with me, sending me multiple texts about how it feels like I trapped him, and resentment for telling his parents when he wanted to do that with them in person (they live in another country). He texted me “that’s why I’m avoiding you, you keep trying to force things”. He wanted a paternity test too (which really hurt because he was my first too, I’m very introverted and it’s hard to get that close to anyone). My responses were short, I knew I went too far and I was too overwhelmed to start drama again. After that last exchange, I started No Contact on my own. I only sent a text about a paternity test appointment, and recently a small 2-line text about how baby is doing after my last appointment (following your column advice). He responded to my last one with a question “what’s breech?” which I couldn’t reply immediately to, then about 20 min later, he sent a “nevermind, I got it” text which I didn’t need to respond to. Paternity results will be in a few more days.

    My question is, what are the chances that he might reconsider things? Before we broke up, he was very cold, stubborn, unwavering during the moments we did converse. And I’m afraid he wouldnt care to go to check ups even after 3 wks of No Contact.

    I will purchase soon your book, so far everything I’ve read, watched vids and podcasts too, have helped me improve and heal myself (new dresses, nice maternity pictures, nails done ect.). In the end no matter what happens, I know I’ll be okay, and am blessed and excited to meet baby soon.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Isis,

      actually you should do 45 day nc because of the extent of what happened..how are you now?

  23. kawaii - 0

    kawaii

    hi I’m 27weeks of pregnant and we are in a long distance relationships right now because of his job before he is excited to have a baby to me but before we met each other I’m not the kind of girl who take a serious relationships just flirt cause I’m afraid to be hurt and i met many men and i cheated him but when I’ve realize that i can’t live without him I’ve change i become serious to him and i cant lose him ,even if i hurt him many times but he’s still there for me even if he’s friends are against us but he still choose me and at that time I’ve change already and i really love him now that I’m 27weeks pregnant it seems he’s avoiding me he deactivated his fb ,but of course he know may fb ,skype etc. last month we have a misunderstanding he said he can’t forget my past,and he can’t forgive me i ask him it’s my past and I’ve change already etc. it’s almost 2weeks he did not message me but i call he’s num.again and again so today he message me and he said sorry he can’t forgive me and forget my past ,i know he really loves me and ireally love him and i can’t live without him what should i do now so that he will forget,and forgive me to my stupid past I know i hurt him .please i need your help ….

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kawaii,

      are you following chris’ advice here?

  24. Morgan Hill - 0

    Morgan Hill

    What if he asks you to get an abortion?
    I am 12 weeks now, but 2 weeks ago, he told me he wanted me to get an abortion. I got really upset because I’ve told him many times over I don’t believe in abortion and I’d never consider it. When I got upset about it (and cried the whole time), he basically called me stupid and said I was ruining his (and my own) life. Told me I’d be an unfit mother and I’d probably die during child birth (I have many medical conditions, none of which would effect the child’s birth). We’ve only spoken once since then, and that was for me to ask him how he feels about me and the situation (if he still loves me and wants to be involved with the child). He said he doesn’t know and was still adamant about wanting an abortion. I believe me saying no is the reason he left me, so what do I do about that? I mean, I still love him to death and want him in my life, but I feel so alone and heartbroken.
    Also, he’s 19 (20 this month) and I’m 20 (21 in October). I don’t know if that makes any difference.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Morgan,

      how are you now? I hope you made the decision that you really want.

  25. Charlie - 0

    Charlie

    Hi, me again. He started to seem very disinterested in texts so I slipped into no contact for about a week. Towards the end of that week I had a prental appointment and he showed upto that. We ended up texting that day and the next about the appointments. Then out of nowhere he texted and asked if we could meet up sometime to talk. I said yes and we setup to meet the next day. He basically wanted to meet up to apologize is in person. Not just for leaving me pregnant but his entire actions throughout our relationship. We continued to talk as friends a bit of other relationship stuff, no arguments though. I ended the conversation at about an hour while we were still chatting about life. Within about an hour he texted me about a band, I responded and mentioned I had a nice time. He mentioned he felt the same. Soooo now what? We never even had a phone call before this. Do I try to build rapport?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Charlie,

      slowly.. He’s just starting to open up so just continue on being interdependent and end convos in high note.

  26. Charlie - 0

    Charlie

    Sooo I need to know if I screwed up. I have bought all three books and they have been super helpful. I’m 13 weeks pregnant with my ex’s baby. I successfully completed the no contact period. The first two times I contacted him he responded positively and quickly. Third time I used to ” memory text” like outlined in the book. He responded positive but also asked why I was being so nice to him lately. I responded that I’m a nice person haha and if he was going to be in my child’s life if I could try to be a friend of sorts. I had tried to find something about how to respond to those questions but couldn’t. We texted back and forth a couple of times then conversation ended. Do I proceed as normal and try the story next? Thank you!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Charlie,

      don’t go too fast, because I think he’s starting to think that you’re trying to get him back. And slowing down can also help to portray that you’re not available always. So, keep maintaining being happy or just optimistic for the baby. Continue with being friendly so that he’ll be more comfortable around you.

  27. Susan - 0

    Susan

    Hi, my ex partner left me at six weeks pregnant. Prior to me being pregnant, he had stress about being unemployed and would always threaten to leave the State to find more opportunities. The pregnancy was the final straw – he left me to do this as well as wanting no involvement with the child. He even tried to encourage me to get an abortion. The first week and a half he left I ignored all communication. Then I started communicating again and he would take his time to get back to me. Anyway, the other day he decided to have an argument with me and made it clear he did not want anything to do with us. I am 10 weeks pregnant and alone. How will the ‘no contact’ rule apply now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Susan,

      The baby is the first priority. So, do no contact for the both you. You have to find your own happiness. You know even healthy relationships has to have their individual priorities and character intact. If he doesn’t want you and the baby, it will be his loss.

  28. Nikki - 0

    Nikki

    Now, what if you dumped him before you realized you were pregnant? I sometimes have a habit of quiting relationships when I get stressed out and I fear with the Pregnancy hormones going crazy on top of work stress, I might have blown things out of of proportion and ended things. Now I know I’m pregnant with his baby, but he doesn’t. He did try to talk me out of it initially, but I was angry and we haven’t spoken in a month. My question is, if I am the dumper rather than the dump-ee and he doesn’t even know about the baby, how would first contact work? Do I tell him in the first message?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nikki,

      he should the at the soonest best possible time that you can tell him.. so that whatever he’s reaction is, you can deal with it early

  29. Ashlynn - 0

    Ashlynn

    My x and I are both 21. He left me at 29 weeks pregnant after being together for 2 years he said we never have worked well together and are too different (I am not outgoing, we want different things but I’m not sure what he could have meant by that) He said he still loves me, even in love with me, but he wants to focus on his business and that we should have ended things much earlier on. Towards the end he acted like his life was ruined. We met to talk about his involvement with the baby and he said it would crush him to see me with someone else and he wants to be a part of our childs life, even though his family despises me and tells him not to. He’s always been obsessed with friends I feel he is more relieved than anything to be able to go out and party without reporting to someone but a few months ago he said he wanted to marry me and be a family and he started seeming more and more uninterested. I think his family and his friends have encouraged his negative mindset I don’t know if there could be a chance I am confused by the inconsistency. I haven’t contacted him in 5 days and he hasn’t tried either. Before I get the book I want to know a professional opinion of my chances.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ashlynn,

      to be honest, it may even take longer than 30 days.. you have to be patient because it looks like he’s not ready for the responsibility.. give him space.. I know he should be involved and it’s good that you already talked it but don’t do it repetitively so he won’t feel more preasured…it has more to do with his age because 21 is still young.. it’s really the age that you would want experience a lot

  30. Ashleigh - 0

    Ashleigh

    Hi Chris I bought your book but just hoping you can help. I’m 5 month pregnant and my ex has been seeing his new girlfriend for the whole time I’ve been pregnant. When I found out he was seeing someone else I went crazy. I sent them messages l, I went to our old house where she was in bed with him. I’ve really made a mess of things he absolutely hates me now. I’ve made myself look an absolute pyscho. He’s coming to th 20 week scan with me in two weeks. It’s the first one he has come to. The girl he’s been seeing is in Dubai for a few month. Please please help me get him back. I think I’ve lost him forever now as I’ve pushed him so close to her but I really want him back. We were together 4 years and split up 6 month ago. I got pregnant after we broke up. He says I’ve ruined his life and that he will never ever get back with me. Please help me Chris xx

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ashleigh,

      But the truth is, he’s not worth getting back with..Let’s say he really doesn’t want to get back with you, but he could at least be supportive with the pregnancy.. We don’t encourage something that we know will not be good for you.. You said you got pregnant after you broke up, was he also already with the other girl by that time?

      And because of the child, if he’s going to be a hand on father, you will be connected for life.. So, for now focus on your pregnancy.. No to negativity.. let him be for now..Coz pushing for him and being sad whenever he rejects will not be good for the baby.. For now, be civil.

  31. K - 0

    K

    Comments are hidden on this page. FYI

    Reply
  32. Vanna - 0

    Vanna

    What if the reason he broke up with you is because you changed after you got pregnant and you were no longer the supportive and loving woman he once loved but just the opposite. Critical and naggy? And then in the end he tells you he doesn’t love you anymore but still wants to be part of the child’s life.

    I have initiated contact once, not to beg but to give an update on the pregnancy. I did take that opportunity to say some kind words and take ownership for what happened in the relationship. Have not contacted since (and he has made zero contact except to answer the update). Also this is now more than a 500 mile distance to factor in.

    What is supposed to happen here when the woman is pregnant but at fault? Surely the M.O. is a bit different.

    Reply
  33. Mela - 0

    Mela

    I should have finished this with a question but when a man leaves you pregnant and it’s actually your fault, what’s the difference in the plan?

    Reply

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