This is the ultimate nightmare scenario for women who go through a breakup, being pregnant.

You see, when most women go through a breakup they go through the 5 emotional stages that accompany that breakup,

Stage 1- “How in the world did this happen?”

Stage 2- ” There is no way that this is happening to me..”

Stage 3- ” LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”

Stage 4- ” How am I going to get him back?”

Stage 5- ” Can I survive without him?”

The stages seen above are normal for 99% of the women visiting this site.

But what about that 1%?

You know, the 1% that are going through a breakup AND pregnant?

I am going to admit that these cases are very rare but they do exist. Whats worse is the fact that there isn’t really much good information out there on the internet teaching women what to do if they find themselves in these rare circumstances. I plan on changing that with this page.

For the first time on Ex Boyfriend Recovery I am going to be talking about how to approach getting an ex boyfriend back if you find yourself pregnant with his child.

First things first though, I need to make sure your priorities are right.

Your Unborn Child Vs. Your Ex Boyfriend

man vs toddler

Lets get something straight here, the most important thing in your life right now isn’t your ex boyfriend, it’s your child.

The second you found out that you were about to become a mother the game completely changed. You see, before you were pregnant your ex boyfriend was probably priority number one. You would have done anything for him.

How do I know that?

Well, you are pregnant with his child and you came to this page because despite him leaving you, at arguably the most important time of your life, you still want him back.

However, now that you are going to be a mother your boyfriend just became priority number two.

Yes, I know this is a page designed to help you get your ex boyfriend back (and don’t worry I am going to go above and beyond when it comes to that) but let me tell you something about “the love of your life.”

A real man wouldn’t have left you during this fragile time in your life. A real man would have stuck around for HIS child. A real man would have stepped up and found a way to take care of you AND his child. Unfortunately for you though, your ex boyfriend is not a real man.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why you want him back. He is the father of your unborn child and you want your family to be complete. Besides, it just doesn’t seem complete without him in the picture, right?

I totally get that and I promise you that I am going to impart as much wisdom as I possibly can on you to make sure you can achieve that goal. However, I want to ask you a question first,

Is your ex boyfriend even worth the effort to try to get back?

I already know your answer is going to be a resounding YES. However, you are answering from a place of extreme grief (your ex just left you) and I probably have a much more logical view of the situation than you do.

I would say that there is a scenario I can see where he is worth the effort to get back.

What is that scenario?

Only if he can add substantial value to you and your child’s life.

Now, if I were to tell you to pick out the most important word in that phrase what do you think it would be?

If you guessed,

SUBSTANTIAL

Then you would be right.

What do I mean when I say that in order for your ex to even be worth trying to get back he has to add substantial value to you and your child’s life?

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that your ex has a really secure well paying job, a stable house and you know for a fact that he has the ability to support you emotionally. Well, in this case that would mean your ex can bring a lot to the table and would probably be worth getting back.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Wait… But Does Me Wanting An Ex Boyfriend Back Because Of His Job Make Me A Gold Digger?

If you wanted a man only because of his money then yes that does make you a gold digger.

However, it actually makes me angry when men throw around the gold digger accusation to women wanting money/help to support a child. The truth is that if a man gets a woman pregnant he has an obligation to step up and help.

Call me old fashioned but I believe that once you and another human being create a child together you can’t be selfish anymore. In fact, you have to become so selfless that you’d be willing to do anything to make sure that, that child can have a happy and healthy life.

Now, obviously you should want to get your ex boyfriend back for a lot more than just his financial obligation. He is the father or your child and without him your family is not complete. I know for a fact that you love him very much and I know that you feel he can be there for you emotionally.

However, the main point of me writing this section was this.

If it comes down to it, your child is going to take top priority over your ex.

Never forget that.

The “My Life Is Over” Mindset

life is over

In my experience there are two types of reactions men can have when they learn they are going to be a father for the first time.

  1. Some men will be extremely excited and dedicate the rest of their lives to making sure that they can do everything in their power to create a stable environment for their child.
  2. The other portion of men adopt the, “My life is completely over” mindset.

Unfortunately, since you are on this page it seems that your ex adopted the “my life is over” type of thinking.

So, what is this type of thinking and how does it apply to your relationship with your boyfriend?

I am glad you asked.

What Is The “My Life Is Over” Mindset?

There is an interesting story to how I came up with the idea of this mindset. Around three years ago a friend of mine had a pregnancy scare with his girlfriend. Now, at the time I was extremely close to this friend so I was the first person he called to vent to about the situation.

Him: “I don’t know what to do. She’s late and she’s never late.”

Me: “Give it some time. You told me there is still some time for her to have her period right?”

Him: “Ya… but what if she doesn’t? My life will be over. I can’t go out and have fun anymore…”

Thus, the “my life is over” mindset was born.

Some men are frightened to death of having a child because they know that the second that, that child comes into the world they can’t be that selfish anymore. They know that they are going to have to dedicate time and energy to the child and that threatens the freedom they have of running around and having fun.

Gone are the nights where they can stay out all night and get drunk with their friends.

Gone are the nights where they can jump from girl to girl having one night stand after one night stand (though some pathetic guys still do this.)

My point is simple, in these men’s minds the life that they have grown accustomed to living is over. Here is the most ironic part of the whole situation though. If your ex boyfriend has adopted this “my life is over” mindset he isn’t thinking too clearly.

The truth is that his life isn’t over it is just going to change.

The only constant in life is change and adding a baby into the mix whether he is with you or not is going to change his life. This is a fact that he will eventually accept but it just may take some time before he has this epiphany.

One of my favorite examples to cite when it comes to this mindset came from another friend of mine.

In fact, there is a really interesting story to this one as well.

A Real Life Case Study Of A Woman Who Got Her Ex Back While Pregnant

harry potter pregnant

(Yes, apparantely Harry Potter got pregnant… and I think Ron or Malfoy is the father…) ”

Believe it or not but the very first person who I helped get her ex boyfriend back was a woman who was pregnant.

The woman was actually a friend I had met in college. She ended up meeting a guy, falling in love and then he broke up with her which I am sure a lot of you can relate to.

The major twist here happened when she found out she was pregnant with his child literally a day after the breakup occurred. Of course, when she told her ex boyfriend that he was the father he adopted the, “my life is over,” mindset and ran off to try to preserve the life he had grown accustomed to.

My friend, the woman, was obviously devastated. The man who she fell in love with had rejected her, she had nowhere to go and on top of everything she was pregnant and broke.

Now, I don’t know about you but that is a really bad situation to be in.

Of course, when all of this happened the two of us hadn’t really talked in months. So, when I was goofing off on Facebook one day I was surprised to receive a personal message from her. We got to talking and she filled me in on everything that had been going on in her life.

She told me about how she fell in love, how he broke up with her, how she was now pregnant with his child and how she was still deeply in love with him.

The whole story made me feel bad to be honest and I kind of wanted to help her out.

So, at first I provided some support by listening to her situation and offering helpful tidbits of information here and there which she would sometimes take. However, eventually things had gotten so bad between her and her ex boyfriend that it didn’t seem like anything would work.

That’s when I decided I was going to do some research on how most people typically approach a situation where they are trying to get their ex boyfriends back. Through my research I learned a lot about male psychology, how to properly build attraction and the importance of timing.

However, I would have to say that the most useful piece of advice I learned was the no contact rule.

It was the first time I had ever heard of something where you essentially cut someone out for a certain period of time in order to make them realize how important they are to you. So, I suggested that my friend should try this on her ex. Of course, some modifications had to be made to a strict NC since she was pregnant and he had every right to know what was going on with his child.

So, the way she approached the situation was simple.

Any time where there was a checkup or any other important information regarding the baby she would be allowed to message or talk to him on the phone. Other than that however, she was strict about her NC and didn’t break it.

At first, it didn’t seem like it was working too well because she missed him more than she had ever missed anyone in her life before. However, slowly but surely the no contact rule began to work its magic as he started getting antsy and wondering why she wasn’t begging for him back anymore.

Perhaps I should hit the pause button and explain the timing of how this all went down.

My friend didn’t get into contact with me until she was already a month pregnant. Four months after she had got into contact with me I simply listened to her vent and provided the necessary,

“It’s going to be ok’s.”

and

“It’s all going to work out in the end’s.”

as I could to her.

Around the start of month six of her pregnancy I decided to suggest that she try out the no contact rule and she complied.

She did NC (in the way I described above) for about a month and a half before it fully worked and her ex wanted her back. Yes, about midway through month seven of her pregnancy her ex boyfriend accompanied her to a checkup for the baby and they got back together the very next day.

I guess the question you are wondering is why?

What was it that she did that made him want to get back with her?

Why He Went Back To Her

im back

I believe there are a number of reasons that he went back to her.

I already taught you about the “my life is over” mindset and her ex definitely had some of that. Rather than accepting that his life was about to change he decided to run away from this fact and try to preserve the lifestyle he was so used to living. Of course, seven months after my friend told him the big news that she was pregnant he had some time to let reality set in and he began to realize that running away from his unborn child is not the right way to do things.

I have always found it interesting that men who get this MLIO (my life is over) mindset tend to have their hearts in the right place.

Now, that doesn’t excuse them for their pathetic actions of bailing but on some subconscious level they know that the second that, that child enters the world they are going to have to step up and act like a man. They know that they can’t be selfish anymore but rather selfless.

The idea that their life is over stems from this fact.

Of course, some men don’t come to this realization right away and that is where the no contact rule comes in, especially in this case.

What were some of the rules that my friend implemented when she was pregnant when it came to the no contact rule?

Well, she obviously wouldn’t contact him. However, when she went in for a checkup she felt he was entitled to know what was going on with his child so she would break NC then. Of course, she was short with him in those instances and any time he would try to steer the conversation to a topic other than their child she simply wouldn’t respond.

This was a massive 180 from the beginning of their breakup when she practically begged for him back and who can blame her?

She just found out she was pregnant. She had never felt more alone in her life and she was in love with him.

Her ex was just like most men in that he loved admiration. Any time she would beg for him back or plead for him to reconsider he kind of liked it. It made him feel wanted. It made him feel like he was powerful since he had a girl wanting him on this deep level.

Of course, when you fast forward seven months later the dynamic had changed when she blocked him out.

For the longest time he was used to her begging, used to her trying to reason with him and then all of a sudden it all stopped. The begging stopped, the reconsideration requests stopped, it all just stopped. He no longer felt wanted. He no longer felt needed.

This singular act of the no contact rule served as a wake up call for him that made him realize what a mistake he had made in leaving her and his child in the first place.

The Game Plan For Getting An Ex Back While Pregnant

according to plan

We are going to take a page out of my friends book in how she got her ex back when we look at how to get yours back. Of course, it has been years since my friends situation unfolded and I am a bit more crafty now when it comes to exes so I have new insight and advice for you to implement on top of what she did.

Here’s a brief overview of what you should do,

  • Modified NC
  • Building Attraction
  • Inviting To Checkups0

As always, I am going to be covering each of these steps in-depth.

The No Contact Rule During Pregnancy

einstein

Breakups tend to put people in a place where they feel highly emotional. Of course, pregnancy seems to do that to women too. So, when you couple the two together you are probably going to experience emotional pain like no other. This emotional pain is going to make doing the no contact rule extremely challenging.

Why?

I would say that a good 80% of women who visit this site and attempt the no contact rule end up failing it. Well, those 80% of women aren’t pregnant. So, if they are having such a rough time with no contact how do you think you are going to fare when you add in things like pregnancy hormones?

What I am about to say now is probably the most important piece of information you will find on this page.

Under no circumstances can you stray from NC in this case.

Why?

Because NC on a man who has left you while you are pregnant seems to have an increased effect since he is going to assume that you are going to beg for him back.

Of course, we are going to have to modify the no contact rule a little bit since you are pregnant and your ex does have a right to know what is going on.

Modification 1- If He Asks Anything About The Baby

I am going to leave this one up to you.

If you are in the middle of the no contact rule and he asks you something about the baby you are allowed to respond and talk to him about his inquiry. Of course, I do want to point out that if he shifts the focus to anything other than your child you are not to respond to him.

If I was in your position though the only time I would talk to him about the baby is if I were to volunteer the information myself.

Look, the thing to remember here is that these rules only apply for the time during the NC rule. After the NC rule you can go back to normal.

Modification 2- Volunteering Information On Checkups

As I am sure you have noticed one of the major sections on this page has to do with how to handle the checkups you get when you are pregnant. Well, during the NC rule you aren’t supposed to invite him to the checkups. Rather you are supposed to go to the checkup yourself and then volunteer the information to him after the fact.

Why?

Because this paints you in an independent light and should make him realize what he is missing out on.

Will it make him angry?

Probably.

But you know what?

He has no right to be angry when he is the one who left. This is what he misses out on when he leaves so make sure you make him realize that.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Building Attraction After The No Contact Rule

After the no contact rule is up then that’s when you should start building some attraction in your ex boyfriend.

What is the best way to do this?

The truth is that it’s a little too long to go into here. So, what I have done is compiled a list of the best guides I have written on Ex Boyfriend Recovery for building attraction. Check them out below,

  • Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO– My E-Book that covers exactly what to do, what to say and how to act in order to get your ex boyfriend back in pretty much any situation you can think of.
  • How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back– The very first guide I ever wrote for this site that talks a lot about rebuilding attraction in your ex boyfriend.
  • How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Love You Again– An excellent guide that focuses ONLY on how to build attraction in your ex boyfriend.
  • Get An Ex To Chase You– Another excellent guide that focuses on what you need to do if you want a man to chase after you (which can be helpful in your case.)

I know me linking to those pages is kind of weak and you probably want me to write something long and in-depth on how to build attraction in your ex but the truth is that those pages are excellent at teaching you how to do it. Besides, we have another very important issue to cover, how to handle checkups.

The Invitation To Pregnancy Checkups

invite

One of the smartest things that I feel my friend did when she was trying to get her ex boyfriend back was the fact that she would invite him to her checkups.

I actually remember she would tell me how excited she was to see him during these checkups. She even compared it to a date once.

Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but one of the biggest advantages to being pregnant and trying to get your ex boyfriend back is that you can use these checkups as a way to get him on your own version of a mini date. I know that sounds a little weird but hear me out.

When you go on a date with someone the main objective is to get that person to feel a connection with you. Generally speaking if you don’t feel a connection with that person you aren’t going to go on another date with that person. Now, let me ask you something.

What can make two human beings more connected than going to checkup and checking on a baby that is essentially made from them?

I dare you to find an activity that can match the level of connection that something like that can.

What you want to be doing is using these checkups as a way to slowly advance things and take advantage of your opportunities.

A Final Word

I don’t want to end on a bummer but I feel this is important to mention.

It’s not out of the realm of possibility that even if you do everything right, if you hit all the right emotional buttons within your ex you still may not get him back. This is another human being we are talking about here and as much as you may wish you had the ability to mind control him you can’t.

I don’t want this to discourage you and let you think that your dating life is over forever, it’s not.

The truth of the matter is that a man who leaves you during a time when you are pregnant is pathetic. No excuse can be made for that.

I know it sounds cliche but there are men out there who would be more than happy to have a beautiful woman with a child. So, if your ex can’t see you for the incredible person that you are then you can find a man who knows your value and who will treat you right.

What to Read Next

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369 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are Pregnant”

  1. Avatar

    Alyssa

    January 9, 2021 at 2:38 am

    So, we got pregnant, 4 weeks into our relationship, like a lot of people, that news was intense and changed the dynamic of the relationship 100%
    I was emotional, we both agreed abortion was out of question and to co parent together.
    Yet, he comes to stay, says he misses me, and I cave in.. then it suddenly back to co parenting again… and that all we are.

    Do I do the nc rule? But still let him know appointments? As he wants to be part of all that.
    Bit confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2021 at 7:03 pm

      Hi Alyssa, yes you need to follow the limited no contact rule where you only tell him what he needs to know otherwise you ignore him. If he comes to you telling you he wants to sort things out and misses you etc, then agree to start DATING again. Not sleeping with him etc make him work to be the boyfriend again not just falling back into the same routines over and over again as clearly that is not working.

  2. Avatar

    Nicki

    November 29, 2020 at 12:44 am

    Hello,

    Thank you for writing this article.
    A little insight on my situation and hope you can offer advice. I am 10 weeks pregnant. My ex left a month ago and was adamant that he was not ready to be a father and didn’t want to be a part of this baby’s life. He has a stable life and his family was super excited about the baby until he threatened to never talk to them again if they are part of it. He tried to push abortion (something I did contemplate for him but just ultimately couldn’t go through with it, baby over boyfriend) every second he could so it felt best for us to break up. We both cried a lot when we were breaking up and it took him 3 hours to leave my house. I haven’t talked to him since we broke up and it has torn me apart. Because he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby, I haven’t updated him about any appointments or information about the baby as I don’t want to shove anything down his throat. I do want him back. We had such a great relationship up until we found out I was pregnant (no joke the day we found it, it turned into a nightmare, something I never experienced with him before). I know I can do this without him but I am still terrified and I really love him. Should I give up any hope for us? Should I continue the no contact rule? I really don’t know what to do. All I want to do it try with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 30, 2020 at 7:51 pm

      Hi Nicki, so first of all good for you not being pushed into something you didnt want to do, but the same side he is not ready to be a father then you need to accept that you are doing this alone (with support of your family I am hope). You have time for him to change his mind about being a father, he could well be afraid of growing up and having to take care of another human full time. But if he doesn’t it is 100% his loss and you can allow his family access if they want to. It does not mean he has to be involved. I would just focus on yourself right now and your pregnancy, you will see when baby is born that this is totally his loss and that you will get over him breaking up with you.

  3. Avatar

    Jane

    October 30, 2020 at 11:41 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I met last June 2019 and he ended up our relationship last February 2020 because he wasn’t happy anymore. I couldn’t accept his reason because there was no 3rd party issue. But I gave him what he wanted. After a month he came back realizing that he shouldn’t have done that. So we went back together and after couple of months he broke up with me again and I ended up pregnant with him. I told him right away and he said that he didn’t want to be part of this. I was so devastated but I just accepted the fact that we’re done and I had enough. I was 12 weeks pregnant when I contacted him and beg him to come back, he refused it many times and later on he said he wanted to try but it didn’t work anymore and he promised me again not to be part of our lives anymore. Then after couple of weeks, he contacted me to recognize his child but he couldn’t love me anymore, I have accepted it because that is his right. It’s been 6 weeks already that he keeps on helping me buying groceries and sending me messages almost everyday asking how am I doing? Because there was a complication on my pregnancy. I told myself he maybe wanted to know of i’m okay and everything is fine on my end with the baby. But I still in love with him and I want him badly back in my life. But 4 days ago, he told me that we couldn’t be together anymore. I really don’t know what to do, we keep on seeing each other and sending messages because he wanted to have a nice relationship with me as we’re going to be a parent soon.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 31, 2020 at 3:33 pm

      Hi Jane, so you need to follow the program if you want this guy back in a relationship this starts with a limited no contact, and when pregnant that means that you can speak to him when important things happen, otherwise there is no need for you to speak with him while broken up. I would attempt to take care of yourself, and show him that you do not need him even though he is going to be in your childs life. Read some more articles about how to follow the program and stick with it to see positive changes.

  4. Avatar

    Ash

    October 28, 2020 at 11:14 pm

    So I’m kind of in a weird situation. I have a child from a previous marriage (I’m 30 and my daughter is 6.) i recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship and it was also sexless too for like 8 months. I started dating this guy and we were together for about a month. Everything was great and then his dad started dying. I found out I was pregnant (we both wanted a kid. I know. We are insane) anyway after I told him I was pregnant he said he couldn’t be in a relationship right now because he was so depressed and a shell of a person that he wouldn’t be able to make me happy. Of course I argued that but let it go. I was furious but remained calm. This was over text so way worse too. Anyway. He was with a girl 6 years before me. She cheated on him and got pregnant and he thought it was his and he was with her and the baby about a year after the baby was born and she just up and left one day and moved on with the real father of her child. So I’m sure that has something to do with this as well. We have barely stayed in contact. I’ve seen him 3 times briefly since the breakup and he’s is clearly a wreck emotionally. He had to pull the plug on his dad a few days ago. He’s also only 24. He only contacts me when he needs something like emotional support. I went over the day after his dad died to console him. He tried to kiss me and tell me he wanted to have sex and I was like “No. you’re grieving and I don’t know if this is real so it’s a bad idea.” He apologized and I left for work. We have talked a little since then but anytime I need him emotionally he’s just not there. I invited him to my checkup that will be on November 17th and he said he mentally can’t handle being in a doctors office right now which To me feels like an excuse since he can go out and play shows at raves -_-
    Anyway all I said was “k. I have someone coming with me anyway but I thought I would offer.” He hasn’t spoken to me since and that was a couple of days ago. I’m definitely going to do NC now but any chance you see us getting back together? And what else can I do? You just can’t take the connection that we had. I’m honestly shocked that he knowingly raised a kid that wasn’t his and was fine that she cheated but breaks up with a girl who is carrying his actual child. It just blows my mind.

    -Ash

  5. Avatar

    NS

    October 20, 2020 at 7:35 am

    My boyfriend and i have been together for seven months. Last monday I found out that i was pregnant. I decided to wait until i see him face to face over the weekend, to tell him of this wonderful news.

    Last friday however, he suddenly turned cold in his messages and when i called him he said we needed to talk. i texted telling him i love him and he didn’t reply. I panicked, I knew it meant he wants to break up. So i texted him looong messages begging him to not break up with me and telling him how much i love him. he ignored my messages, didn’t even read them.

    Saturday afternoon, I met him, he told me he thinks it’s best we end the relationship. Again, I pleaded and begged for him to give me another chance, he refused to even consider it, completely. I didn’t know if I would ever see or hear from him again, so I decided to tell him I’m pregnant. He didn’t respond anything, he said we’ll talk about it later. We hanged out together with his friends for the rest of that day, he was drinking, he ignored me alot, turned his back towards me and only talked to his friends, but once he got really drunk, we were back to being lovers again. We spent the whole night together.

    On sunday, I tried to talk to him about the pregnancy. He didn’t want to talk about it. He seemed angry and distant. He said I got pregnant on purpose. I didn’t. It just happened. We made love two times. I felt confused yet hopeful. I didn’t know whether that meant he’s not breaking up with me anymore or whether it meant nothing and he still didn’t want me. I also found out that he’s still seeing and sleeping with one of his ex. they have a child together. I think maybe he wants to end things with me so he can be with her.

    Yesterday (monday) morning he texted me saying he didn’t sleep at night because of the issue of me being pregnant. He said he is not ready right now (he has three kids with other women already). He said it interferes with his work. He also told me he can’t marry me. That people from his work have to approve who he marries and because I was previously married I won’t qualify. I texted him telling him I have understood him, I have understood how I’m not right for him and that he should go ahead and marry the woman people from his work approve for him. This was my last text to him.

    He texted me a cold “goodnight” last night, I didn’t respond. He texted me a cold “good morning” this morning, I didn’t respond. Everything just hurts so much. I thought we would last. We had so many plans for our future. He became a part of my everyday life. We talked everyday, saw each other everyday, and spent all weekends together, morning till night, always. And now suddenly I am alone. I want him back. I wish, hope and pray that he would miss me and want me. I’m glad I’m pregnant because maybe then he’ll always be a part of my life. But I don’t know if he will. I think he will stay away from us and I will have to raise this baby alone. I’m five weeks pregnant now. Should I do the NC? Should I keep ignoring his texts and stay away?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 28, 2020 at 1:59 am

      Hi NS, so the most important thing is that you look out for you and baby, he clearly has a lot going on and the fact he was cheating on you and the mother of his other child shows what sort of person he is deep down. I wouldn’t try and use the baby to keep him in a relationship with you, you’ve seen this does not work! Keep with your No Contact and work on yourself and prepare for motherhood.

  6. Avatar

    Reva

    September 29, 2020 at 3:41 pm

    Hello,

    This article is extremely helpful! I. 8 months pregnant and he broke up with me 2 days ago. What I would like to ask is how do you even begin to initiate Limited No Contact if you LIVE together? I am at a disadvantage, having no where to go, living states away from family, no car, no finances. I depend on him for everything. Because of Covid-19, and having a high risk pregnancy, I haven’t been able to work in 6 months. We are living with his parents who interfere, money is tight, and arguing over these things is what ended it, not because we hate each other. Any advice in the world would help! And yes, I do take full responsibility for getting myself into such a mess.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 8, 2020 at 8:16 pm

      Hi Reva, I think your situation is exactly as you said its all stress related. You need to allow your ex to calm his own emotions and your own. While explaining to him that his parents interfering so much is not helping the situation. You should ideally have moved out before getting pregnant, but things don’t always work out like that. The issue is that you are coming to the end of your pregnancy you are going to have a fair bit of contact with him unless you can move home to your own parents. When you have limited no contact and living together you are just going to have to avoid speaking about getting back together and how to fix your problems, instead you need to show him that you can be laid back and happy person.

  7. Avatar

    Lu

    September 26, 2020 at 10:25 am

    My boyfriend left me and i’m three months pregnant, he told me he has moved on with his life, and i did not respond to his message. What should i do??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 9:19 pm

      Hi Lu, this is really upsetting thing to go through when you are pregnant. I would suggest that you first follow a 30 day No Contact and do not reach out or reply to him unless it is to do with the baby, and that is only when the baby is due or if there is an emergency

  8. Avatar

    L

    July 6, 2020 at 8:36 am

    My ex moved out of our home 20 days before I was due you have our baby. I cut off all communication and didn’t talk to him until the day I had our child. He was really upset that I wasn’t talking to him and was very mean. I only talk to now if it’s about the baby. I don’t text or call he does all of the texting and calling. He has asked me if I hate him. Which I responsed with “what do you think”. He texted me the other day saying he miss our conversations and all I said was oh ok. I haven’t heard from him since. Do you think he was trying to see if he still has a chance? Should I have told him something i miss about him? I don’t want him to feel like he can run in and out of my life. Help!!! What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 6, 2020 at 6:23 pm

      Hey L, so yes I think he was testing the waters to see if he still had a chance of getting back with you. While I agree that you need to show that he can not just walk out and back in again. If you want him back then you are going to have to work on your value chain where you are increasing the amount of time you are spending talking to him, and getting him investing that time into you again. And start dating – do not allow him to just move back in. Make him work for that family again

  9. Avatar

    Joy

    June 24, 2020 at 11:17 am

    What to do if he Suddenly loose interest and start treating me bad while am pregnant for him, and he is also seeing another girl even in my present

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 26, 2020 at 10:55 pm

      Hi Joy, I would suggest that you go into a limited no contact and end your relationship with him as you do not deserve to be cheated on! If he is going to treat you poorly it is best to be without him until he realises your worth

  10. Avatar

    AJ

    June 16, 2020 at 1:05 pm

    Hi,

    Im about 8 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend decided to lie about going out of town in order to secure an apartment with his first babymother and child. Apparently it was a stressful situation with his daughter living with her mom and her family. So he sets them up in an apartment, I found out about the lie. Confront him, tell him of my hurt and how he could’ve just told me the truth, since we’re together, we should handle situations together and not be left in the dark. Obviously the lie really hurts because trust is broken, his first bm is still in love with him, he swears to me he will always love her but he’s not in love with her. He tells me it’s not like that, I’m not sure what to believe. But I know he loves me and I love him and I’m pregnant and so after to go through it alone because I imagined us being a family. Now he has moved out, says he needs time to make things right between everyone. He swears he will be the best dad and I need to trust him to do that but we shouldn’t be together right now. I asked if he was going to be living with his ex, he says no, I asked if he was going to get back with his ex, he told me no. I asked if he still was in love with me, he said he’s not sure. But he loves me and wants me to have the baby. I didn’t sign up to have a baby alone, we had talks of being together during all of this and I feel so abandoned. Crying all the time, just don’t understand why he doesn’t want to be with me, in my most vulnerable time, all this stress is not good for me and the baby I know but I can’t help how I feel. Do you think he has a shot of coming back to me? I asked him if he sees a future with me and he says maybe and I feel like perhaps he just being kind to not hurt my feelings further. Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 10:50 pm

      Hi AJ, I think your guy has been playing games with the both of you. I would suggest that you go into a strict Limited no contact where you focus on you and your baby and keep him updated what he needs to know about baby. Nothing else for now. At the end of 45 days you then start the being there method if you want him back, but keep in mind he has treated you both as pawns by the sounds of things.

  11. Avatar

    Nadia Serrano

    June 3, 2020 at 1:08 am

    Me and my boyfriend dated for about a year and last year in August 2019 we moved in along with my 3 other children. We had a great relationship but 2 weeks ago everything changed. I found out he was cheating on me and I am 5 months pregnant. I confronted him and he got upset and played the victim role on me. He text me asking about the baby but Its really hard for me to answer because i go off on him. I sometimes like today get ideas of going to look for him and telling him that i still love him and for us to work things out since i did leave the house where we were leaving. What do i do. How do i deal with all of this. I hope you can help me out.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 14, 2020 at 8:53 pm

      Hi Nadia, I am sorry you are going through this while pregnant! You need to follow a limited no contact where you inform him regarding pregnancy related issues. But otherwise you follow the No Contact period. You need to stop going off at him as you do not want to have a constant stress and pressure while pregnant. You need to take care of you and baby first

  12. Avatar

    Kyle

    April 19, 2020 at 5:36 am

    Ok I’m the boyfriend in this situation, but my girlfriend was extremely toxic, immature, unstable and emotionally and mentally abusive. I knew she was pregnant. I made it clear to her that I would remain in contact and take care of things on my end. I ended our relationship and she has not responded to me in a week. I’m giving it time as well and employing the NC rule. But I have tried everything I could to do my part and she won’t have it (because she’s toxic). I’m being a man, and she’s being immature and self destructive, and potentially causing the baby harm. Should I continue to wait for her to reach out to me to update me throughout the pregnancy?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 9:19 am

      Hi Kyle, I would say it would be best if you ask about the pregnancy / baby directly – even if its just for your peace of mind. I would look for a way that you can co parent with your ex in a civil way so that the toxic traits you are talking about do not affect baby when he/she arrives

  13. Avatar

    Chandler

    April 15, 2020 at 6:02 pm

    This article helped me. I’m actually on the opposite side of this.

    My girlfriend and I mutually broke up on Friday. She texted me on Monday to call her. I did and she told me she was pregnant. As you can imagine a combination of the break up and the pregnancy was tough to swallow. We agreed to part ways because at that time because we felt we wouldn’t be happy being married. Now I’m stunned trying to be supportive but gather facts. Some of which don’t seem to add up.

    Why would you agree to leave me if you knew you were two weeks late?

    When you went on vacation two of the last 6 weeks did you see anyone else?

    We’ve had sex only twice in the last 6 weeks and I’m scepticle whether it’s mine but I know it only takes once accident for this to happen.

    Why is she so content on having this baby out of wed lock after informing me 12 hours ago? How long has she known this?

    I know I may be over thinking this but I’m trying to remain calm.

    We are going to see her OBGYN next Wednesday so hopefully that will help put me at ease.

    How should I communicate with my girlfriend to get the facts and help support her?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 23, 2020 at 4:15 pm

      Hi Chandler, so I am looking at your post and understand that you are questioning things if she is content with the situation. I obviously can not answer some of those questions, but usually to make a woman do a test she would have had a feeling/thought she was pregnant for a few days. If you choose to be apart and not get back in a relationship then I suggest the most important thing you do is learn how you are going to co-parent with your ex for the sake of the baby. When you get an idea on dates I hope that makes you feel better about the baby being yours and not someone else.

  14. Avatar

    Mickey

    March 18, 2020 at 1:51 pm

    Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and we are expecting our first child together. Almost a week ago he moved out because I told him I needed space away from him because he was stressing me out. He begged me to let him stay but I felt that if he was still at home with me my stress level would still be out of whack. So i told him that he have to leave for a few days and then when i am back to myself he can come back home. Now I’m not gonna lie….i did tell him that if he decides not to come back it wont bother me because i was planning on relocating to the states, but I only said that to make him realize how he been treating me and to straighten up. But he took it as I’m taking his child away from him so he packed his things and left. I never meant for things to turn out the way it did. I’m still in love with him and I want him back but I’m scared that he wont come back. What can I do to make this right?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 11:48 pm

      I suggest that you have a calm conversation with your ex / boyfriend about how you are struggling to deal with your emotions, also mention this to your midwife. And explain that you want the relationship to work and seek out a couples therapist. As you are pregnant and the timing is delicate with the events of the world right now make sure that you are putting yours and your babys health first at all times right now

  15. Avatar

    shine

    March 12, 2020 at 11:14 pm

    Hi my name is shine I dated my ex for about 2yeas and half and he suddenly wanted space from the relationship which ended into a breakup I cried and pleaded bcos I didn’t know what exactly my fault was he also kept on tellING me I did nothing wrong to but he wanted a break up to work on him self so I did everything I could to get him back but it didn’t just work two months after we broke up I found out I was two month pregnant I informed him about it and he insisted that I get an abortion I tried getting the abortion because considerin our age and arriving a child will be too much stress on him he is 21 and I am 19, I went to the hospital for the scan before the abortion will take place and I was told I have a serious ovarian cyst so we got scared and decided to keep the baby but the neXT day he told me he can’t take it anymore so the decision was too hard for him to take so he wanted an abortion I told him I was afraid of that and he insisted I have the abortion or else his going to abondan I and the child I attempted to have a abortion and my mothere saw the drugs and toke them away from me I called him and told him what happened and he got very angry , he blocked me on whatsApp and unblocked me the next day my baby was also developing and he become the hot and cold type he tells me doesn’t love me anymore and now as m carrying his child he can’t think straight anymore, he had been the one sending me money for my up keeps since I got pregnant now am 15 weeks pregnant and he always tells me he doesn’t want me anymore he can’t love me like he used to he tells me to give birth and he will take the baby and I continue my life i sometimes leave him for some days when he put me in much pain but he reaches out to check on me and my tommy too, am afraid of losing him I love him soo much now that am carrying his baby what should I do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 9:59 pm

      Hi Shine so considering you are pregnant at this difficult time I Would suggest that you follow the limited no contact rule. Where you do not reach out to him but if he asks how baby is you answer him. Otherwise you need to solely focus on yourself. Focus on having a pregnancy that you are going to enjoy – not feel that you worried, were upset and stressed through. Because believe me it doesnt feel like it at the time but this is going to go by so fast! And you will miss this feeling! If you want him back then you need to follow the process, but there is also the chance that he is scared if this is his first child he is just freaking about the responsibility that is on its way

  16. Avatar

    Sisi

    February 20, 2020 at 6:47 am

    Me and my ex were together about 7 months, when a week ago he broke up with me due to the fact I had been in a very terrible depression since I lost my job and my grandmother had passed at the same time a week prior. He told me he needed to work on himself and he still loved me and this isn’t what he wanted but he needs it. So I let him go. In the middle of NC is when I found out he had a new girlfriend already, a girl that I had always been suspicious he had a crush on before we got together but he told me no. The same day I found out I was pregnant, when I reached out he told me to abort it and I said I wouldn’t do that. He said he will be involved and we’ve maintained a healthy communication. He told the girl and she’s supportive. Him and this girl got together only 3 days after our breakup, so I’m not sure if it’s a rebound but it seems to be. I want him to come back because I love him and would like us to be a family. I left him on read almost two days ago because i felt I needed to reinstate NC. He has blocked me on Instagram and Snapchat, after changing his Instagram name to match hers. Idk what to do but I love him very deeply and I feel this is such a big mistake on his part. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 10:32 pm

      Hi Sisi so you still need to follow the no contact rule as you need to give your ex some time away from you. And give yourself this chance to work on your mental health to show you are working on becoming happier in yourself. Read about the being there method and try to work out if you feel that you are mentally able to follow this process.

  17. Avatar

    Thalia

    February 16, 2020 at 11:09 pm

    Hi! I’m 18 and about to have my first baby. Yes I’m young and this wasn’t planned but it wasn’t unexpected either. My life would have probably ended up differently if my mother wasn’t such a bitch. And I’m serious when I say she’s a bitch. She’s the kind of mother who desires your death and curses the day you were born. But anywho, I’m having my first baby like I said, and I’m only a few weeks pregnant. I live with my ex boyfriend right now and I know he still loves me but I pushed him away so much that I don’t know if he’s really done trying. But the reason I pushed him away was because he can be so thoughtless. Makes me feel like he doesn’t care and like I’m talking to a wall most days. And I feel like some days he wants to be a good father and other days he’s on the “my life is over” mindset. Like he’s not ready to give up on his old lifestyle, though he used to talk about marriage etc. What do I do? I love him and I want to be with him and have my little family with him but I feel like we constantly fight and there’s no point to the fights because he doesn’t care. And it’s difficult not being in a relationship with him when I’m carrying his child and sharing the same bed. And soon our own apartment as well.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 17, 2020 at 10:27 am

      Hey Thalia, if you want to get your ex back then you need to work on your emotional control and learn when you need to not react to what people say and do. Silence is a powerful tool believe me. If you keep pushing him away then maybe you need to seek out a therapist who will help you deal with your emotions regarding your childhood so that when you are in relationships you have the tools how to work through things healthily. I can understand how hard it is to live with your babys father and not be with them, it takes a lot of emotional, physical and mental control. So make sure you are focusing on becoming the best version of yourself ready for when the baby arrives.

  18. Avatar

    Nell

    February 13, 2020 at 1:45 am

    Hi
    My ex and I actually had a great relationship, we love spending time together and we both enjoy and value the same things. The only reason he left me a month ago was because of one thing that I should have changed early on. I usually wouldn’t tell people this but I feel like I should tell the whole story to get the best help. I am a sex worker, he knew this before we got together and he said he accepted it. I always planned to get out but it is a hard industry to leave sometimes and he was struggling financially and I wanted to help him so I stayed in it. Jump to a year and 4 months later, I am renting a house on my own but I have come to the decision I don’t want to do this job anymore, I can’t do it when I love him so much. I told him my decision and he was happy but also told me how he had been thinking or leaving me because he couldn’t handle it anymore. He said knowing what I do and all the things that come with it, all the emotional support he has given me over the course of the relationship has worn him down and he doesn’t love me anymore.
    We tried to make it work, I told him I was leaving as soon as my rental lease was up and asked if he could stick it out till then, he said he would but only a few weeks later he broke it off.
    We still spent time together, still slept together after this. He told me he loves spending time with me and really likes me and cares about me as a person. He then started to become more affectionate again, he said he was confused. He also said that things might be different now because we have communicated about everything and have been able to be completely open with each other. He started to go back and forwards saying he didn’t know what he wanted so I was about to cut him off until I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant.
    I told him the news when he came over the next night, he took it really well. He was calm and supportive, we talked about it and all the different scenarios. It has only been a week since I found out but this last week we have spent a lot of time together. He became super affectionate, holding my hand in public, kissing me on the forehead, always wanting to cuddle me and hold me. He told me the feelings had come back a little and he thinks the relationship could be good now. He spent friday night and all day Saturday with me and we had a great time. Sunday morning I offered to pick him up and give him a lift somewhere and he accepted even thougv he had multiple people offering that would have been easier. He wanted me to spend Sunday with him watching movies but I declined as I was busy so instead he came out Sunday night. We were both a little tired Sunday so we weren’t as chatty and he left early Monday morning for work. He messaged me all day Monday, he was happy and flirting and making plans for the week but then he went to his mother’s for dinner and he changed. He asked when I was stopping work and I said as soon as I can find someone to take over the lease or find other work (I can’t just stop working and live on the streets and I have only some 2 shifts since I found out) he then called me that night and said he doesn’t want me or the baby. He became nasty and said that his mum thinks it is disgusting that I am working and that she won’t accept me or this baby and has no respect.. I don’t know what she thought I could do different. He said that he doesn’t love me and will never get back with me and that he was always leaning towards terminating the baby. I asked if that was the case then why give me false hope and act all happy and excited and he said because he wasn’t sure yet. He has since apologied for some of the horrible things he said and told me he wants to be there for me and the baby if I decide to keep it but he thinks that it is the most logical thing to terminate. I want to keep it, I haven’t told him yet. Once we sorted things out after the heated argument I stopped talking to him. We have an appointment on Tuesday and he wants to come to that. What do you think of all of this? I am going to try the NC and see how it goes.
    I just need to say through out the relationship I did ask how he was coping and he always told me he was dealing with it. We did agree that he could have communicated and that was part of the problem but now it’s too late, what’s done is done.
    Do you think it is possible to win him back?
    I am stopping my job now, I am about to start counselling, I am making plans to build a house before baby arrives and I have just started studying. I really do want him back.

    PS: I haven’t contacted him this morning but he just called me and asked if I wanted to go to the movies.. I’m so confused

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 11:17 pm

      Hi Nell so your situation has a few things you need to think about

      If you want the baby, then you have to be willing to do it alone as he has told you not to have the child. If you really want to be parent then you must tell him you are 100% keeping the baby and then explain to him that he is either in or out there is no 50/50 when baby arrives.

      Sometimes people freak out when they hear that their ex is pregnant and auto suggest a termination because you are not together anymore.

      You need to follow a limited no contact where you make him aware of any pregnancy or baby issues but the rest of the time you do not speak with him. As for him calling you up and asking if you want to go to the movies. You are doing great things with your life, such as building a house, going to counselling. Is there a reason you are leaving your job with such a big project on the go?

      I would decline the movies invitation at the moment and allow him to come to appointments with you and see what he says in the mean time. Do not become his friend while you still want to get him back as a boyfriend.

  19. Avatar

    Emily

    February 5, 2020 at 11:22 pm

    I’m 29 and 21wks pregnant my ex left me at 17wks and has since then pretty much ignored me. We had been together since March of 2019, lived together, and talked about the future and planned this baby. Well things began to escalate after I found out I was pregnant we were fighting almost everyday about something, mainly financial stuff. He was working two jobs but I still felt I was support him myself and my son when that wasn’t the agreement. With each fight he would always end up leaving and staying away for the night, and of course I’d reach out to him and he’d come back. The last fight we had, we both acknowledged we had our own issues and needed to work on it we were willing to do whatever to make it happen because we owed it to this baby. But the next day I was asking for reassurance and he couldn’t give it to me.. so we started talking about breaking up, said he needed time.. that he feels empty and doesn’t recognize himself.. long story short he ended things with me and cut off all contact .. I went into a very low state and wanted to end my life and get rid of the baby like he had gotten rid of us.. I reached out for help because I was afraid of myself. Every promise he ever made was broken. We had commitments together financially and emotionally. After a few days I reach out to him again.. he says that he’s seriously done and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. So I decide I want him out of my house because having his things there only depresses me .. so I gave him a date he moved out and took some things he had bought me for the baby and somethings he had gotten for my son. I called him outraged and he made excuses. Said he didn’t love me anymore that I pushed him that far with all the fighting and making him feel like he wasn’t good enough.. he contacts me a week later not asking about me or the baby just about his fire pit that he forget that I had thrown out bc anything he left I thru away. I ignored him after that and we didn’t speak.. I got off his phone plan changed my number because to me it was clear we were done and I didn’t want him to hold the phone over my head. I sent him one last text pouring my heart out then blocked his number for a few days.. unblocked him without telling him. Had my appt yesterday to find out the sex of my baby and he decides to contact me about the gender and pictures and if the baby was healthy.. I told him baby was fine he insist on wanting to know the sex and see pictures I lied at first saying I didn’t find out.. he asked why .. I said bc I didn’t want too, originally I didn’t want too.. he replies with … I did. I sent him a long heart felt message about how he left and had shown no concern and then admitted I found out the sex and how beautiful the baby was .. he went on about how it was my fault he had two choices to leave or kill himself.. that nothing he did was ever good enough.. and that it killed him to leave but he had no other choice. Mind you he has shown no interest in the baby or cared to ask about when I was in the hospital when he first left me and I had my breakdown.. he’s 23 and personally acting selfish.. I’ve turned my life around and come to acceptance of everything.. been focusing on me my son and this baby. It’s not about him or me anymore and he’s just stuck putting all the blame on for me the relationship and I don’t understand because he wasn’t mister perfect. I didn’t think our relationship was so bad. My question is what do I do? Should I tell him the gender? Is there a chance he’ll come out of this and man up? I never saw him to be this person.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 8, 2020 at 5:21 pm

      Hey there, yes you should tell him the gender of your baby as it is just as much is as it is yours. The situation you described, sounds like it was the relationship had become toxic and wasnt good for either of you. I would suggest that you look for a way to co parent positively before the baby arrives and then follow this program if you want to get him back. As for “manning up” That may come with time when baby is here.

  20. Avatar

    Yelle

    January 29, 2020 at 9:28 am

    Hi!!

    I need your advise on this. My ex recently broke up with me because he felt that I didn’t deserve him and that he became attracted to other woman (attracted only, no physical contact). Just two days ago, I found out that I’m pregnant and I told him about that he said he’s still willing to be the father of our child support him or her etc but has no intentions of getting us back together because he said he doesn’t love me anymore. I tried NC for a day but he keeps on texting/chatting or calling me, asking me how was I and the baby, and if ever I want to have check ups etc with him. And also, he drops foods at my office (he drops it at the guards station and the guards calls me to get it) when I asked him his plan and why is he doing this, he just said that he just wants to be involved with the baby and he really made clear that he has no plans on getting us back together. So my question would be, do I have a chance to be with him? Or he’s just really trying to be decent for our child? Please help. I really love him. Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 5, 2020 at 9:08 pm

      Hey Yelle, so as you are pregnant with his child you need to do a limited No Contact, so you dont spek to him unless he reaches out to you about the baby. So when he asks how you are just ignore the message. He needs to have time to miss you! And he is not going to do that unless you complete a NC. I would say next time he mentions baby, tell him youll let him know any appointments and changes that come around. And leave it at that.

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