This is the ultimate nightmare scenario for women who go through a breakup, being pregnant.
You see, when most women go through a breakup they go through the 5 emotional stages that accompany that breakup,
Stage 1- “How in the world did this happen?”
Stage 2- ” There is no way that this is happening to me..”
Stage 3- ” LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”
Stage 4- ” How am I going to get him back?”
Stage 5- ” Can I survive without him?”
The stages seen above are normal for 99% of the women visiting this site.
But what about that 1%?
You know, the 1% that are going through a breakup AND pregnant?
I am going to admit that these cases are very rare but they do exist. Whats worse is the fact that there isn’t really much good information out there on the internet teaching women what to do if they find themselves in these rare circumstances. I plan on changing that with this page.
For the first time on Ex Boyfriend Recovery I am going to be talking about how to approach getting an ex boyfriend back if you find yourself pregnant with his child.
First things first though, I need to make sure your priorities are right.
Your Unborn Child Vs. Your Ex Boyfriend
Lets get something straight here, the most important thing in your life right now isn’t your ex boyfriend, it’s your child.
The second you found out that you were about to become a mother the game completely changed. You see, before you were pregnant your ex boyfriend was probably priority number one. You would have done anything for him.
How do I know that?
Well, you are pregnant with his child and you came to this page because despite him leaving you, at arguably the most important time of your life, you still want him back.
However, now that you are going to be a mother your boyfriend just became priority number two.
Yes, I know this is a page designed to help you get your ex boyfriend back (and don’t worry I am going to go above and beyond when it comes to that) but let me tell you something about “the love of your life.”
A real man wouldn’t have left you during this fragile time in your life. A real man would have stuck around for HIS child. A real man would have stepped up and found a way to take care of you AND his child. Unfortunately for you though, your ex boyfriend is not a real man.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand why you want him back. He is the father of your unborn child and you want your family to be complete. Besides, it just doesn’t seem complete without him in the picture, right?
I totally get that and I promise you that I am going to impart as much wisdom as I possibly can on you to make sure you can achieve that goal. However, I want to ask you a question first,
Is your ex boyfriend even worth the effort to try to get back?
I already know your answer is going to be a resounding YES. However, you are answering from a place of extreme grief (your ex just left you) and I probably have a much more logical view of the situation than you do.
I would say that there is a scenario I can see where he is worth the effort to get back.
What is that scenario?
Only if he can add substantial value to you and your child’s life.
Now, if I were to tell you to pick out the most important word in that phrase what do you think it would be?
If you guessed,
Then you would be right.
What do I mean when I say that in order for your ex to even be worth trying to get back he has to add substantial value to you and your child’s life?
Let me give you an example.
Lets say that your ex has a really secure well paying job, a stable house and you know for a fact that he has the ability to support you emotionally. Well, in this case that would mean your ex can bring a lot to the table and would probably be worth getting back.
Wait… But Does Me Wanting An Ex Boyfriend Back Because Of His Job Make Me A Gold Digger?
If you wanted a man only because of his money then yes that does make you a gold digger.
However, it actually makes me angry when men throw around the gold digger accusation to women wanting money/help to support a child. The truth is that if a man gets a woman pregnant he has an obligation to step up and help.
Call me old fashioned but I believe that once you and another human being create a child together you can’t be selfish anymore. In fact, you have to become so selfless that you’d be willing to do anything to make sure that, that child can have a happy and healthy life.
Now, obviously you should want to get your ex boyfriend back for a lot more than just his financial obligation. He is the father or your child and without him your family is not complete. I know for a fact that you love him very much and I know that you feel he can be there for you emotionally.
However, the main point of me writing this section was this.
If it comes down to it, your child is going to take top priority over your ex.
Never forget that.
The “My Life Is Over” Mindset
In my experience there are two types of reactions men can have when they learn they are going to be a father for the first time.
- Some men will be extremely excited and dedicate the rest of their lives to making sure that they can do everything in their power to create a stable environment for their child.
- The other portion of men adopt the, “My life is completely over” mindset.
Unfortunately, since you are on this page it seems that your ex adopted the “my life is over” type of thinking.
So, what is this type of thinking and how does it apply to your relationship with your boyfriend?
I am glad you asked.
What Is The “My Life Is Over” Mindset?
There is an interesting story to how I came up with the idea of this mindset. Around three years ago a friend of mine had a pregnancy scare with his girlfriend. Now, at the time I was extremely close to this friend so I was the first person he called to vent to about the situation.
Him: “I don’t know what to do. She’s late and she’s never late.”
Me: “Give it some time. You told me there is still some time for her to have her period right?”
Him: “Ya… but what if she doesn’t? My life will be over. I can’t go out and have fun anymore…”
Thus, the “my life is over” mindset was born.
Some men are frightened to death of having a child because they know that the second that, that child comes into the world they can’t be that selfish anymore. They know that they are going to have to dedicate time and energy to the child and that threatens the freedom they have of running around and having fun.
Gone are the nights where they can stay out all night and get drunk with their friends.
Gone are the nights where they can jump from girl to girl having one night stand after one night stand (though some pathetic guys still do this.)
My point is simple, in these men’s minds the life that they have grown accustomed to living is over. Here is the most ironic part of the whole situation though. If your ex boyfriend has adopted this “my life is over” mindset he isn’t thinking too clearly.
The truth is that his life isn’t over it is just going to change.
The only constant in life is change and adding a baby into the mix whether he is with you or not is going to change his life. This is a fact that he will eventually accept but it just may take some time before he has this epiphany.
One of my favorite examples to cite when it comes to this mindset came from another friend of mine.
In fact, there is a really interesting story to this one as well.
A Real Life Case Study Of A Woman Who Got Her Ex Back While Pregnant
(Yes, apparantely Harry Potter got pregnant… and I think Ron or Malfoy is the father…) ”
Believe it or not but the very first person who I helped get her ex boyfriend back was a woman who was pregnant.
The woman was actually a friend I had met in college. She ended up meeting a guy, falling in love and then he broke up with her which I am sure a lot of you can relate to.
The major twist here happened when she found out she was pregnant with his child literally a day after the breakup occurred. Of course, when she told her ex boyfriend that he was the father he adopted the, “my life is over,” mindset and ran off to try to preserve the life he had grown accustomed to.
My friend, the woman, was obviously devastated. The man who she fell in love with had rejected her, she had nowhere to go and on top of everything she was pregnant and broke.
Now, I don’t know about you but that is a really bad situation to be in.
Of course, when all of this happened the two of us hadn’t really talked in months. So, when I was goofing off on Facebook one day I was surprised to receive a personal message from her. We got to talking and she filled me in on everything that had been going on in her life.
She told me about how she fell in love, how he broke up with her, how she was now pregnant with his child and how she was still deeply in love with him.
The whole story made me feel bad to be honest and I kind of wanted to help her out.
So, at first I provided some support by listening to her situation and offering helpful tidbits of information here and there which she would sometimes take. However, eventually things had gotten so bad between her and her ex boyfriend that it didn’t seem like anything would work.
That’s when I decided I was going to do some research on how most people typically approach a situation where they are trying to get their ex boyfriends back. Through my research I learned a lot about male psychology, how to properly build attraction and the importance of timing.
However, I would have to say that the most useful piece of advice I learned was the no contact rule.
It was the first time I had ever heard of something where you essentially cut someone out for a certain period of time in order to make them realize how important they are to you. So, I suggested that my friend should try this on her ex. Of course, some modifications had to be made to a strict NC since she was pregnant and he had every right to know what was going on with his child.
So, the way she approached the situation was simple.
Any time where there was a checkup or any other important information regarding the baby she would be allowed to message or talk to him on the phone. Other than that however, she was strict about her NC and didn’t break it.
At first, it didn’t seem like it was working too well because she missed him more than she had ever missed anyone in her life before. However, slowly but surely the no contact rule began to work its magic as he started getting antsy and wondering why she wasn’t begging for him back anymore.
Perhaps I should hit the pause button and explain the timing of how this all went down.
My friend didn’t get into contact with me until she was already a month pregnant. Four months after she had got into contact with me I simply listened to her vent and provided the necessary,
“It’s going to be ok’s.”
“It’s all going to work out in the end’s.”
as I could to her.
Around the start of month six of her pregnancy I decided to suggest that she try out the no contact rule and she complied.
She did NC (in the way I described above) for about a month and a half before it fully worked and her ex wanted her back. Yes, about midway through month seven of her pregnancy her ex boyfriend accompanied her to a checkup for the baby and they got back together the very next day.
I guess the question you are wondering is why?
What was it that she did that made him want to get back with her?
Why He Went Back To Her
I believe there are a number of reasons that he went back to her.
I already taught you about the “my life is over” mindset and her ex definitely had some of that. Rather than accepting that his life was about to change he decided to run away from this fact and try to preserve the lifestyle he was so used to living. Of course, seven months after my friend told him the big news that she was pregnant he had some time to let reality set in and he began to realize that running away from his unborn child is not the right way to do things.
I have always found it interesting that men who get this MLIO (my life is over) mindset tend to have their hearts in the right place.
Now, that doesn’t excuse them for their pathetic actions of bailing but on some subconscious level they know that the second that, that child enters the world they are going to have to step up and act like a man. They know that they can’t be selfish anymore but rather selfless.
The idea that their life is over stems from this fact.
Of course, some men don’t come to this realization right away and that is where the no contact rule comes in, especially in this case.
What were some of the rules that my friend implemented when she was pregnant when it came to the no contact rule?
Well, she obviously wouldn’t contact him. However, when she went in for a checkup she felt he was entitled to know what was going on with his child so she would break NC then. Of course, she was short with him in those instances and any time he would try to steer the conversation to a topic other than their child she simply wouldn’t respond.
This was a massive 180 from the beginning of their breakup when she practically begged for him back and who can blame her?
She just found out she was pregnant. She had never felt more alone in her life and she was in love with him.
Her ex was just like most men in that he loved admiration. Any time she would beg for him back or plead for him to reconsider he kind of liked it. It made him feel wanted. It made him feel like he was powerful since he had a girl wanting him on this deep level.
Of course, when you fast forward seven months later the dynamic had changed when she blocked him out.
For the longest time he was used to her begging, used to her trying to reason with him and then all of a sudden it all stopped. The begging stopped, the reconsideration requests stopped, it all just stopped. He no longer felt wanted. He no longer felt needed.
This singular act of the no contact rule served as a wake up call for him that made him realize what a mistake he had made in leaving her and his child in the first place.
The Game Plan For Getting An Ex Back While Pregnant
We are going to take a page out of my friends book in how she got her ex back when we look at how to get yours back. Of course, it has been years since my friends situation unfolded and I am a bit more crafty now when it comes to exes so I have new insight and advice for you to implement on top of what she did.
Here’s a brief overview of what you should do,
- Modified NC
- Building Attraction
- Inviting To Checkups0
As always, I am going to be covering each of these steps in-depth.
The No Contact Rule During Pregnancy
Breakups tend to put people in a place where they feel highly emotional. Of course, pregnancy seems to do that to women too. So, when you couple the two together you are probably going to experience emotional pain like no other. This emotional pain is going to make doing the no contact rule extremely challenging.
I would say that a good 80% of women who visit this site and attempt the no contact rule end up failing it. Well, those 80% of women aren’t pregnant. So, if they are having such a rough time with no contact how do you think you are going to fare when you add in things like pregnancy hormones?
What I am about to say now is probably the most important piece of information you will find on this page.
Under no circumstances can you stray from NC in this case.
Because NC on a man who has left you while you are pregnant seems to have an increased effect since he is going to assume that you are going to beg for him back.
Of course, we are going to have to modify the no contact rule a little bit since you are pregnant and your ex does have a right to know what is going on.
Modification 1- If He Asks Anything About The Baby
I am going to leave this one up to you.
If you are in the middle of the no contact rule and he asks you something about the baby you are allowed to respond and talk to him about his inquiry. Of course, I do want to point out that if he shifts the focus to anything other than your child you are not to respond to him.
If I was in your position though the only time I would talk to him about the baby is if I were to volunteer the information myself.
Look, the thing to remember here is that these rules only apply for the time during the NC rule. After the NC rule you can go back to normal.
Modification 2- Volunteering Information On Checkups
As I am sure you have noticed one of the major sections on this page has to do with how to handle the checkups you get when you are pregnant. Well, during the NC rule you aren’t supposed to invite him to the checkups. Rather you are supposed to go to the checkup yourself and then volunteer the information to him after the fact.
Because this paints you in an independent light and should make him realize what he is missing out on.
Will it make him angry?
But you know what?
He has no right to be angry when he is the one who left. This is what he misses out on when he leaves so make sure you make him realize that.
Building Attraction After The No Contact Rule
After the no contact rule is up then that’s when you should start building some attraction in your ex boyfriend.
What is the best way to do this?
The truth is that it’s a little too long to go into here. So, what I have done is compiled a list of the best guides I have written on Ex Boyfriend Recovery for building attraction. Check them out below,
- Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO– My E-Book that covers exactly what to do, what to say and how to act in order to get your ex boyfriend back in pretty much any situation you can think of.
- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back– The very first guide I ever wrote for this site that talks a lot about rebuilding attraction in your ex boyfriend.
- How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Love You Again– An excellent guide that focuses ONLY on how to build attraction in your ex boyfriend.
- Get An Ex To Chase You– Another excellent guide that focuses on what you need to do if you want a man to chase after you (which can be helpful in your case.)
I know me linking to those pages is kind of weak and you probably want me to write something long and in-depth on how to build attraction in your ex but the truth is that those pages are excellent at teaching you how to do it. Besides, we have another very important issue to cover, how to handle checkups.
The Invitation To Pregnancy Checkups
One of the smartest things that I feel my friend did when she was trying to get her ex boyfriend back was the fact that she would invite him to her checkups.
I actually remember she would tell me how excited she was to see him during these checkups. She even compared it to a date once.
Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but one of the biggest advantages to being pregnant and trying to get your ex boyfriend back is that you can use these checkups as a way to get him on your own version of a mini date. I know that sounds a little weird but hear me out.
When you go on a date with someone the main objective is to get that person to feel a connection with you. Generally speaking if you don’t feel a connection with that person you aren’t going to go on another date with that person. Now, let me ask you something.
What can make two human beings more connected than going to checkup and checking on a baby that is essentially made from them?
I dare you to find an activity that can match the level of connection that something like that can.
What you want to be doing is using these checkups as a way to slowly advance things and take advantage of your opportunities.
A Final Word
I don’t want to end on a bummer but I feel this is important to mention.
It’s not out of the realm of possibility that even if you do everything right, if you hit all the right emotional buttons within your ex you still may not get him back. This is another human being we are talking about here and as much as you may wish you had the ability to mind control him you can’t.
I don’t want this to discourage you and let you think that your dating life is over forever, it’s not.
The truth of the matter is that a man who leaves you during a time when you are pregnant is pathetic. No excuse can be made for that.
I know it sounds cliche but there are men out there who would be more than happy to have a beautiful woman with a child. So, if your ex can’t see you for the incredible person that you are then you can find a man who knows your value and who will treat you right.