What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are Pregnant

This is the ultimate nightmare scenario for women who go through a breakup, being pregnant.

You see, when most women go through a breakup they go through the 5 emotional stages that accompany that breakup,

Stage 1- “How in the world did this happen?”

Stage 2- ” There is no way that this is happening to me..”

Stage 3- ” LEAVE ME ALONE!!!”

Stage 4- ” How am I going to get him back?”

Stage 5- ” Can I survive without him?”

The stages seen above are normal for 99% of the women visiting this site.

But what about that 1%?

You know, the 1% that are going through a breakup AND pregnant?

I am going to admit that these cases are very rare but they do exist. Whats worse is the fact that there isn’t really much good information out there on the internet teaching women what to do if they find themselves in these rare circumstances. I plan on changing that with this page.

For the first time on Ex Boyfriend Recovery I am going to be talking about how to approach getting an ex boyfriend back if you find yourself pregnant with his child.

First things first though, I need to make sure your priorities are right.

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Your Unborn Child Vs. Your Ex Boyfriend

man vs toddler

Lets get something straight here, the most important thing in your life right now isn’t your ex boyfriend, it’s your child.

The second you found out that you were about to become a mother the game completely changed. You see, before you were pregnant your ex boyfriend was probably priority number one. You would have done anything for him.

How do I know that?

Well, you are pregnant with his child and you came to this page because despite him leaving you, at arguably the most important time of your life, you still want him back.

However, now that you are going to be a mother your boyfriend just became priority number two.

Yes, I know this is a page designed to help you get your ex boyfriend back (and don’t worry I am going to go above and beyond when it comes to that) but let me tell you something about “the love of your life.”

A real man wouldn’t have left you during this fragile time in your life. A real man would have stuck around for HIS child. A real man would have stepped up and found a way to take care of you AND his child. Unfortunately for you though, your ex boyfriend is not a real man.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why you want him back. He is the father of your unborn child and you want your family to be complete. Besides, it just doesn’t seem complete without him in the picture, right?

I totally get that and I promise you that I am going to impart as much wisdom as I possibly can on you to make sure you can achieve that goal. However, I want to ask you a question first,

Is your ex boyfriend even worth the effort to try to get back?

I already know your answer is going to be a resounding YES. However, you are answering from a place of extreme grief (your ex just left you) and I probably have a much more logical view of the situation than you do.

I would say that there is a scenario I can see where he is worth the effort to get back.

What is that scenario?

Only if he can add substantial value to you and your child’s life.

Now, if I were to tell you to pick out the most important word in that phrase what do you think it would be?

If you guessed,

SUBSTANTIAL

Then you would be right.

What do I mean when I say that in order for your ex to even be worth trying to get back he has to add substantial value to you and your child’s life?

Let me give you an example.

Lets say that your ex has a really secure well paying job, a stable house and you know for a fact that he has the ability to support you emotionally. Well, in this case that would mean your ex can bring a lot to the table and would probably be worth getting back.

Wait… But Does Me Wanting An Ex Boyfriend Back Because Of His Job Make Me A Gold Digger?

If you wanted a man only because of his money then yes that does make you a gold digger.

However, it actually makes me angry when men throw around the gold digger accusation to women wanting money/help to support a child. The truth is that if a man gets a woman pregnant he has an obligation to step up and help.

Call me old fashioned but I believe that once you and another human being create a child together you can’t be selfish anymore. In fact, you have to become so selfless that you’d be willing to do anything to make sure that, that child can have a happy and healthy life.

Now, obviously you should want to get your ex boyfriend back for a lot more than just his financial obligation. He is the father or your child and without him your family is not complete. I know for a fact that you love him very much and I know that you feel he can be there for you emotionally.

However, the main point of me writing this section was this.

If it comes down to it, your child is going to take top priority over your ex.

Never forget that.

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The “My Life Is Over” Mindset

life is over

In my experience there are two types of reactions men can have when they learn they are going to be a father for the first time.

  1. Some men will be extremely excited and dedicate the rest of their lives to making sure that they can do everything in their power to create a stable environment for their child.
  2. The other portion of men adopt the, “My life is completely over” mindset.

Unfortunately, since you are on this page it seems that your ex adopted the “my life is over” type of thinking.

So, what is this type of thinking and how does it apply to your relationship with your boyfriend?

I am glad you asked.

What Is The “My Life Is Over” Mindset?

There is an interesting story to how I came up with the idea of this mindset. Around three years ago a friend of mine had a pregnancy scare with his girlfriend. Now, at the time I was extremely close to this friend so I was the first person he called to vent to about the situation.

Him: “I don’t know what to do. She’s late and she’s never late.”

Me: “Give it some time. You told me there is still some time for her to have her period right?”

Him: “Ya… but what if she doesn’t? My life will be over. I can’t go out and have fun anymore…”

Thus, the “my life is over” mindset was born.

Some men are frightened to death of having a child because they know that the second that, that child comes into the world they can’t be that selfish anymore. They know that they are going to have to dedicate time and energy to the child and that threatens the freedom they have of running around and having fun.

Gone are the nights where they can stay out all night and get drunk with their friends.

Gone are the nights where they can jump from girl to girl having one night stand after one night stand (though some pathetic guys still do this.)

My point is simple, in these men’s minds the life that they have grown accustomed to living is over. Here is the most ironic part of the whole situation though. If your ex boyfriend has adopted this “my life is over” mindset he isn’t thinking too clearly.

The truth is that his life isn’t over it is just going to change.

The only constant in life is change and adding a baby into the mix whether he is with you or not is going to change his life. This is a fact that he will eventually accept but it just may take some time before he has this epiphany.

One of my favorite examples to cite when it comes to this mindset came from another friend of mine.

In fact, there is a really interesting story to this one as well.

A Real Life Case Study Of A Woman Who Got Her Ex Back While Pregnant

harry potter pregnant

(Yes, apparantely Harry Potter got pregnant… and I think Ron or Malfoy is the father…) ”

Believe it or not but the very first person who I helped get her ex boyfriend back was a woman who was pregnant.

The woman was actually a friend I had met in college. She ended up meeting a guy, falling in love and then he broke up with her which I am sure a lot of you can relate to.

The major twist here happened when she found out she was pregnant with his child literally a day after the breakup occurred. Of course, when she told her ex boyfriend that he was the father he adopted the, “my life is over,” mindset and ran off to try to preserve the life he had grown accustomed to.

My friend, the woman, was obviously devastated. The man who she fell in love with had rejected her, she had nowhere to go and on top of everything she was pregnant and broke.

Now, I don’t know about you but that is a really bad situation to be in.

Of course, when all of this happened the two of us hadn’t really talked in months. So, when I was goofing off on Facebook one day I was surprised to receive a personal message from her. We got to talking and she filled me in on everything that had been going on in her life.

She told me about how she fell in love, how he broke up with her, how she was now pregnant with his child and how she was still deeply in love with him.

The whole story made me feel bad to be honest and I kind of wanted to help her out.

So, at first I provided some support by listening to her situation and offering helpful tidbits of information here and there which she would sometimes take. However, eventually things had gotten so bad between her and her ex boyfriend that it didn’t seem like anything would work.

That’s when I decided I was going to do some research on how most people typically approach a situation where they are trying to get their ex boyfriends back. Through my research I learned a lot about male psychology, how to properly build attraction and the importance of timing.

However, I would have to say that the most useful piece of advice I learned was the no contact rule.

It was the first time I had ever heard of something where you essentially cut someone out for a certain period of time in order to make them realize how important they are to you. So, I suggested that my friend should try this on her ex. Of course, some modifications had to be made to a strict NC since she was pregnant and he had every right to know what was going on with his child.

So, the way she approached the situation was simple.

Any time where there was a checkup or any other important information regarding the baby she would be allowed to message or talk to him on the phone. Other than that however, she was strict about her NC and didn’t break it.

At first, it didn’t seem like it was working too well because she missed him more than she had ever missed anyone in her life before. However, slowly but surely the no contact rule began to work its magic as he started getting antsy and wondering why she wasn’t begging for him back anymore.

Perhaps I should hit the pause button and explain the timing of how this all went down.

My friend didn’t get into contact with me until she was already a month pregnant. Four months after she had got into contact with me I simply listened to her vent and provided the necessary,

“It’s going to be ok’s.”

and

“It’s all going to work out in the end’s.”

as I could to her.

Around the start of month six of her pregnancy I decided to suggest that she try out the no contact rule and she complied.

She did NC (in the way I described above) for about a month and a half before it fully worked and her ex wanted her back. Yes, about midway through month seven of her pregnancy her ex boyfriend accompanied her to a checkup for the baby and they got back together the very next day.

I guess the question you are wondering is why?

What was it that she did that made him want to get back with her?

Why He Went Back To Her

im back

I believe there are a number of reasons that he went back to her.

I already taught you about the “my life is over” mindset and her ex definitely had some of that. Rather than accepting that his life was about to change he decided to run away from this fact and try to preserve the lifestyle he was so used to living. Of course, seven months after my friend told him the big news that she was pregnant he had some time to let reality set in and he began to realize that running away from his unborn child is not the right way to do things.

I have always found it interesting that men who get this MLIO (my life is over) mindset tend to have their hearts in the right place.

Now, that doesn’t excuse them for their pathetic actions of bailing but on some subconscious level they know that the second that, that child enters the world they are going to have to step up and act like a man. They know that they can’t be selfish anymore but rather selfless.

The idea that their life is over stems from this fact.

Of course, some men don’t come to this realization right away and that is where the no contact rule comes in, especially in this case.

What were some of the rules that my friend implemented when she was pregnant when it came to the no contact rule?

Well, she obviously wouldn’t contact him. However, when she went in for a checkup she felt he was entitled to know what was going on with his child so she would break NC then. Of course, she was short with him in those instances and any time he would try to steer the conversation to a topic other than their child she simply wouldn’t respond.

This was a massive 180 from the beginning of their breakup when she practically begged for him back and who can blame her?

She just found out she was pregnant. She had never felt more alone in her life and she was in love with him.

Her ex was just like most men in that he loved admiration. Any time she would beg for him back or plead for him to reconsider he kind of liked it. It made him feel wanted. It made him feel like he was powerful since he had a girl wanting him on this deep level.

Of course, when you fast forward seven months later the dynamic had changed when she blocked him out.

For the longest time he was used to her begging, used to her trying to reason with him and then all of a sudden it all stopped. The begging stopped, the reconsideration requests stopped, it all just stopped. He no longer felt wanted. He no longer felt needed.

This singular act of the no contact rule served as a wake up call for him that made him realize what a mistake he had made in leaving her and his child in the first place.

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The Game Plan For Getting An Ex Back While Pregnant

according to plan

We are going to take a page out of my friends book in how she got her ex back when we look at how to get yours back. Of course, it has been years since my friends situation unfolded and I am a bit more crafty now when it comes to exes so I have new insight and advice for you to implement on top of what she did.

Here’s a brief overview of what you should do,

  • Modified NC
  • Building Attraction
  • Inviting To Checkups0

As always, I am going to be covering each of these steps in-depth.

The No Contact Rule During Pregnancy

einstein

Breakups tend to put people in a place where they feel highly emotional. Of course, pregnancy seems to do that to women too. So, when you couple the two together you are probably going to experience emotional pain like no other. This emotional pain is going to make doing the no contact rule extremely challenging.

Why?

I would say that a good 80% of women who visit this site and attempt the no contact rule end up failing it. Well, those 80% of women aren’t pregnant. So, if they are having such a rough time with no contact how do you think you are going to fare when you add in things like pregnancy hormones?

What I am about to say now is probably the most important piece of information you will find on this page.

Under no circumstances can you stray from NC in this case.

Why?

Because NC on a man who has left you while you are pregnant seems to have an increased effect since he is going to assume that you are going to beg for him back.

Of course, we are going to have to modify the no contact rule a little bit since you are pregnant and your ex does have a right to know what is going on.

Modification 1- If He Asks Anything About The Baby

I am going to leave this one up to you.

If you are in the middle of the no contact rule and he asks you something about the baby you are allowed to respond and talk to him about his inquiry. Of course, I do want to point out that if he shifts the focus to anything other than your child you are not to respond to him.

If I was in your position though the only time I would talk to him about the baby is if I were to volunteer the information myself.

Look, the thing to remember here is that these rules only apply for the time during the NC rule. After the NC rule you can go back to normal.

Modification 2- Volunteering Information On Checkups

As I am sure you have noticed one of the major sections on this page has to do with how to handle the checkups you get when you are pregnant. Well, during the NC rule you aren’t supposed to invite him to the checkups. Rather you are supposed to go to the checkup yourself and then volunteer the information to him after the fact.

Why?

Because this paints you in an independent light and should make him realize what he is missing out on.

Will it make him angry?

Probably.

But you know what?

He has no right to be angry when he is the one who left. This is what he misses out on when he leaves so make sure you make him realize that.

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Building Attraction After The No Contact Rule

After the no contact rule is up then that’s when you should start building some attraction in your ex boyfriend.

What is the best way to do this?

The truth is that it’s a little too long to go into here. So, what I have done is compiled a list of the best guides I have written on Ex Boyfriend Recovery for building attraction. Check them out below,

  • Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO– My E-Book that covers exactly what to do, what to say and how to act in order to get your ex boyfriend back in pretty much any situation you can think of.
  • How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back– The very first guide I ever wrote for this site that talks a lot about rebuilding attraction in your ex boyfriend.
  • How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Love You Again– An excellent guide that focuses ONLY on how to build attraction in your ex boyfriend.
  • Get An Ex To Chase You– Another excellent guide that focuses on what you need to do if you want a man to chase after you (which can be helpful in your case.)

I know me linking to those pages is kind of weak and you probably want me to write something long and in-depth on how to build attraction in your ex but the truth is that those pages are excellent at teaching you how to do it. Besides, we have another very important issue to cover, how to handle checkups.

The Invitation To Pregnancy Checkups

invite

One of the smartest things that I feel my friend did when she was trying to get her ex boyfriend back was the fact that she would invite him to her checkups.

I actually remember she would tell me how excited she was to see him during these checkups. She even compared it to a date once.

Now, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but one of the biggest advantages to being pregnant and trying to get your ex boyfriend back is that you can use these checkups as a way to get him on your own version of a mini date. I know that sounds a little weird but hear me out.

When you go on a date with someone the main objective is to get that person to feel a connection with you. Generally speaking if you don’t feel a connection with that person you aren’t going to go on another date with that person. Now, let me ask you something.

What can make two human beings more connected than going to checkup and checking on a baby that is essentially made from them?

I dare you to find an activity that can match the level of connection that something like that can.

What you want to be doing is using these checkups as a way to slowly advance things and take advantage of your opportunities.

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A Final Word

I don’t want to end on a bummer but I feel this is important to mention.

It’s not out of the realm of possibility that even if you do everything right, if you hit all the right emotional buttons within your ex you still may not get him back. This is another human being we are talking about here and as much as you may wish you had the ability to mind control him you can’t.

I don’t want this to discourage you and let you think that your dating life is over forever, it’s not.

The truth of the matter is that a man who leaves you during a time when you are pregnant is pathetic. No excuse can be made for that.

I know it sounds cliche but there are men out there who would be more than happy to have a beautiful woman with a child. So, if your ex can’t see you for the incredible person that you are then you can find a man who knows your value and who will treat you right.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

251 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are Pregnant”

  1. Nam

    November 20, 2017 at 4:18 pm

    Me and my boyfriend broke up about a month already. At the beginning, he told me that we will meet again. After that we got in problem of miscommunication . 3rd and 4th person try to get involved. That’s make him stop and blocks me everywhere. He closes his account. This is a third week that I haven’t communicate with him. I found out that i’m pregnant. I called him from another number and left voicemail. He has right to know what is going on with me and his unborn baby. I’m going to leave him a letter with the paper test result to confirm about pregnancy. Anything else should I do, please advice me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 22, 2017 at 2:51 am

      Hi Nam,

      Get a personal therapist, because it’s going to be emotional hard in the coming weeks..and it would be best for you and the baby to have professional help

  2. Velka

    November 10, 2017 at 2:38 am

    But how about when my ex has a new girlfriend and found out she’s pregnant, too? I’m just a month ahead. We broke up and when I moved to city he’s in, we met and thought we were back together. Little did I know that he has a new girlfriend and was out of town. When I found out I was pregnant, I told him and hoped that we would get back together. He told me he has a new girlfriend and got her knocked up, too, but he doesn’t want his new girl to find out about mine. Though he assured me that he will cover all expenses for the both of us, the problem is, I’m still in love with him. If I do the NC, he still has someone else. I don’t think he loves her that much because he wouldn’t cheat on her for me. The way we treat each other is the same way when we were together, like nothing has changed. He just didn’t want to let his girl know because she has suicidal tendencies and doesn’t want to stress her out. I don’t know why but I’m taking this whole situation well and wanted to help him also. I don’t want to him to choose between me or her. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 11:58 pm

      Hi Velka,

      You have to remind yourself what you standards are and how much you really value yourself because what we allow, we get. It will really be hard to move on and just co-parent, but it doesn’t mean staying in that situation of hoping he will choose you is easier.

  3. Louise

    August 28, 2017 at 9:39 pm

    Hi, I’d been with my partner for 9 years…we have a 6 year old child together and am currently 8 months pregnant with our second child. The last year my partner had to move away to complete studies…and I have not handled my stress well and have not been supportive with his problems. We had an argument around 8 weeks ago where I spoke disgusting to him and he said how I acted triggered feelings in his head and he can’t do it anymore. (There is no cheating or anyone else in the picture 100%)
    I have had bad depression the past few years and have been awful to him and feel that this is mostly my fault…but this is also his fault for failing to communicate any issues.
    Presently we talk for the sake of our child and child to be born…we even went out on a family trip for the day…but he said that he has no feelings to me…they are dead and buried…that we will never get back together and that whilst he loves me he is not in love with me.
    I’m working on bettering myself and making a good future for me and my children….but I love my ex so much and feel that I have no chance of ever having a future with him now because of how he says all of these things calmly when we are having conversations…no arguing.
    Do you think I should forget about him in that way?
    Any advice will be appreciated

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 30, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      Hi Louise,

      Focus in healing and improving yourself for now and get a therapisr for yourself.. Do at least 30 days limited nc and after continue healing and improving whether you decide to build rapport with him or not..

  4. Susie

    July 13, 2017 at 5:27 am

    My person (doesnt feel right to say ex) and I have been together for almost a year. 11 months and 2 weeks to be exact and found out that I was 8 weeks pregnant earlier this year. It was a complete shock as I have been told I was infertile and was in recovery from brain cancer surgery at the time.
    5 months on and 25 weeks pregnant he’s told by my OBGYN there’s no way an abortion is possible and breaks up with me, telling me we will get back together once “the problem” (our baby) is gone.
    Promised he will stay faithful to me and isnt going to find someone else until I give birth and we’ll find a way to get back together.
    It makes no sense to me because he is still telling me he loves me, still wants to hang out and see each other, be friends and get back together in a short time. If he wants all that and has plans to rekindle our relationship, why bother ending things in the process?
    We’d been together for 2 months (known each other for 3months) when he decided to stay by me through brain surgery – knowing that I might not make it through but backs away at pregnancy.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2017 at 2:47 pm

      Wait are you going through abortion or not? Do you really want a guy who doesn’t want your baby?

    2. Susie

      July 15, 2017 at 10:41 am

      We’ve tried having 3 abortions none which have worked. Its an unwanted pregnancy for both of us but I have since grown to the idea of a child
      Its more that he is scared of his parents reaction and having to put his dreams on hold than actually having a child

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 8:03 pm

      ok, I understand. If you’re continuing the pregnancy, then focus on that because worrying will not help the baby nor you if you want to get him back. follow the advice above, if he’s just scared that means he’ll probably change his mind later on and be a father, if not. You still have your baby with you. It’s hard to look at the brighter side, but that’s your best option because that can help you make right decisions.

  5. Leanne

    July 11, 2017 at 5:00 pm

    Me and my recent ex have been together for 3 years moved in together 7 months ago. Saving to buy a property. I was a student teacher now qualifies and have successfully accepted my first teaching job. We have been having a rough patch for the last few months and both know that things are not the same anymore. Infact he said to me that things just don’t feel right anymore. He went out drinking and seeing friends a good 3 weeks before our break up. However the day before we broke up I found out I was pregnant. I told him this after an argument the day we broke up. (3weeks ago) He has moved all his belongings out of the house while I was at work and won’t meet up or talk to me. I confess I have been slightly crazy, messaging him and calling him with little response at first and now nothing. We have broken up previously for about a month and he said how he hated the fact I pushed and pestered him. But I couldn’t help myself even though I knew I shouldn’t and it was the worst thing I could do. He won’t even talk to me about the baby. I’m about 8weeks pregnant and have no idea what to do for the best. He says he doesn’t want to be with me and that we will never be together. He will be there for his child and that’s it. However my friend told me that he was planning on proposing to me this year. So as you can imagine I’m confused and heartbroken. How do I go about getting him back and sorting everything out? I get the NC rule but I’m worried that I will do it and he will still be stupidly stubborn or that I have already pushed him too far with my crazy texts and calls. Any advice would be great!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2017 at 1:07 pm

      Pushing, begging or chasing wont help either..it’s still better to do nc than do those..

  6. Star

    July 8, 2017 at 12:51 pm

    My ex and I wer together for 2 years then fell out for 5 months he came back saying he had missed me we were both seeinvbother people in this time. We wer back together 6 months when we found out I was pregnant he was happy at first then at 14 weeks he changed saying he felt everything moving too fast and is scared of having another bsbyb, he has a four year old from a previous relationship. He was ok the first couple of eeeks then turned nasty towards me and my unborn baby saying horrible things will be change

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2017 at 7:22 pm

      Hi Star,

      Are you going to do the advice above?

  7. Marcia

    July 7, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    Hey I need advice I’m 7 months pregnant. Me and the father were friends at first and I never saw him as anything else. Until we slept together one night. At the time him and his girlfriend were not together as from his point it was a rocky relationship from the start. After he said they made up and that we could not have sex anymore I was fine with that. Only I did not stop. I told him did he see me as more than just sex and he said yes but that his relationship was always up and down and on it’s way to an end. I jist kept my distance which was difficult for the both of us. We eventually cut off all sexual ties but I then found out I was pregnant. He told me have an abortion or was hoping for a miscarriage. I didn’t get one is he didn’t talk to me for a few months. He eventually came around but sent mixed signals. I won’t go into all the ends and ours but he has recently moved to another state and I feel like he’s trying to run he’s 22 btw. I am the emotional texter and it’s only been getting worse. He told me this week he wants nothing to do with me and just want to care for our child. He says even though he said he loves me he doesn’t. Btw he is not with the girl anymore but not with me either. I have started limited contact before I read this cause I’ve been having preg issues. So if he ask how I’m doing I respond. He is coming back a few days and we will be together for my baby shower. How do I deal with this I know I pushed him to this with my emotional baggage. I want to sleep with him.even though I know I should when he’s here ima try my best. After he leaves I’ll be doing NC unless it’s baby related but do you think I have a chance or not. He always seems to give me empty promises and prolong stuff until this week when he just said he wants nothing to do with me and sorry for leading me on he doesn’t know what he wants and said he didn’t then.. I hate this situationship i put myself in.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2017 at 6:55 pm

      If you know you’re the one who put yourself in it, then remind yourself that you can get yourself out.. Follow the advice above.. And have professional help for your emotional well being, so that you dont harm the baby while you’re going through all of this because sadness can have a lot of negative effects on the baby..

  8. Emily

    July 4, 2017 at 5:25 pm

    Is it possible NC could be needed for longer than 30 days? Does it work if he doesn’t realize he’s being ignored? I did NC for about 6 weeks when he finally messaged me “hey.” I didn’t respond and a few days later he said he just wanted to see how I’ve been and said I don’t have to reply, he just wanted to reach out. Nothing about the baby. I don’t know if I should respond. I’m still really angry about him abandoning me and how he’s treated me since I told him I’m pregnant. Last time we spoke, he said he didn’t want to talk unless necessary and has been pretty nasty since I told him. He’s pretty unpredictable, I don’t know if he contacted me just to make himself not feel guilty?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 5:16 pm

      Yeah, you can extend it but in no circumstance that the nc is guaranteed to work. It just raises your chances

    2. Emily

      July 6, 2017 at 3:42 pm

      I feel like if I respond positively, he won’t respect me and will know how easy it is to get me back. I won’t be a challenge. But being negative isn’t good either. If he just messaged me to appease his guilt, I don’t want him to get away with it. I’m really afraid of saying the wrong thing and messing up any chances of reconciliation.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2017 at 8:06 pm

      Being ungettable doesn’t mean being rude.. It means having standards while being respectful..having your own life, loving yourself, being fun to talk to

  9. Cheryl

    May 18, 2017 at 1:12 am

    Hi im 15 weeks pregnant and my ex broke up with me about a month ago. We were together about 7 months. This is our 1st real break up. When I 1st found out I was preg he was over the moon excited I was scared that he would abandon me. He would rub my belly and we started talking about how we were going to prepare for baby (anouncements, living situation, ect) For some reason that began to change in my 1st trimester I was really sick and had no desire to have sex that bothered him a lot. I felt bad because I knew I wasn’t satisfying him the way he should be but I couldn’t help it I was sick everyday. We began to argue and one night his phone kept ringing of course I questioned him about it. After that he became extremely distant. I knew something was up. I went out of town for about 8 hours on my way back he began to ignore my calls. I was mad so of course I texted him a novel of mess because I’m an emotional mess. After that we got into an argument and he said I don’t think this relationship is healthy for either of us. He then told me to find out how much and abortion would be so “we can take care of that” of course i was crushed i had already formed a bond with my baby so to me it would have been straight murder. I couldnt do it. He began to ignore me and our contact slowed down. I figured he was really stressed and needed space. Wish granted. I let him know about every visit he hasn’t come to any since we broke up. He doesn’t ask about the baby at all. He contacted me to get his Xbox . I agreed when he came over he was really flirty gave me the long hug and when he left gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me he loved me. Did not ask about the baby. Since then I gotten a few “good morning” text and a mother’s day text that said “happy mother’s day to the most amazing woman I know” wtf?! What should I do if I text him he may or may not text me back but it’s rare that I do text him.if I do It’s usually about the baby. Or I respond to his text. He is sending mixed signals and I don’t get it. In my mind it’s another woman. My heart misses this man so much. Should i hardcore do the no contact. Im scared he will lose interest if so how long?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 9:01 pm

      Hi Cheryl,

      You can inform him of your check up schedules, just leave the decision on him if he wants to come or not. No contact will not push him away, he may use it as a reason, but if he really wants to come, he would ask before you even tell him the schedule..

  10. Mama OJ

    March 27, 2017 at 9:52 am

    One week after starting NC in February my ex called and wanted to talk things through and I gave him the chance, but instead he just made promises that he never kept. So I went back to NC on the 8th of March and almost two weeks after that (on the 23rd) he called me and asked if he could send me money for a scan. I agreed and the next morning he called and asked if we could meet in town. He left me at the Gynea’s and said he had to rush somewhere and later that evening he called and asked if he could come see the scan print-outs and I agreed. He tried to get me to leave with him but I politely refused and when he left he asked me to remind him to send me money for vitamins and a chest of drawers. I had to call him several times before he sent the money and when he finally did it wasn’t the amount we had agreed on so I had to call him again and tell him. He claimed he forgot what we had agreed on and said he would send the rest. Two days have passed and he still hasn’t sent it. He started ignoring my texts and when I called this morning he brushed me off and said he’ll call me later. It hurts me that he seems to keep doing this to me and every time I make progress with NC he contacts me and that sets me back so I blocked his number from calling my phone, deactivated my Facebook acc and deleted my WhatsApp. Should I continue with NC or start over?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2017 at 4:49 pm

      Hi Mama Oj,

      I think you need to extend at least 2 weeks.It looks like he tried to regain power by having you ask him..

  11. Abigail

    March 20, 2017 at 1:32 am

    Hi my name is Abigail I’m 21 years old and my ex is 22. He broke up with me 5 weeks ago. I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant. We were together for 7 years (engaged the last). The day he broke up with me he said he “wanted to find himself, wanted to be free, and was confused if he still wanted to be with me or not.” I was devastated but was cool and calm because he’s been dealing with depression for 4 years and I think the news of our pregnancy broke him. I knew he was unhappy with himself because he got in a real bad car accident 4 years ago that changed his life. He lost his football scholarship, the chance to go to school, and hasn’t been able to find a job. When he broke up with me he said that he loves me and always will love me. When he decided to split I decided I wouldn’t contact him because he wanted space, but he calls me at least once a day to check on me. At times he offers to do favors for me like being me things when I’m sick and wash my car. I agree to let him do these things for me because I miss him so much and it seems like everytime I see him he still kisses me and tells me he loves me. He still wants to go to all our sons check up and I do invite him to them. I’m trying to be strong but his actions are confusing me. This was the guy I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t know what to do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 24, 2017 at 2:22 pm

      Hi Abigail,

      Be indifferent. When you’re together in person, don’t be sweet, just be civil

    2. Abigail

      May 4, 2017 at 3:51 am

      It’s been 3 months and he asked a mutual friend of ours how co-parenting has worked for them. He told our friend that he loves me and cares for me but isn’t in love with me anymore and hasn’t been happy for a while. I started to initiate the no contact rule a couple days ago but I feel like he’ll just lose interest in me. Is there still a chance? He’s been more distant recently.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 4, 2017 at 2:58 pm

      You have a child, so you’ll eventually see each other no matter what..just don’t chase him nor beg..use this as a restart..change your mindset and follow the advice above..

    4. Abigail

      May 4, 2017 at 4:10 pm

      Don’t no if the NC will really get me far. Starting next week I have to see him once a week for birthing classes. Not sure if this is considered a modified NC. But I should just be indifferent and civil when I’m interacting with him at these classes correct? No more trying to rekindle the speak for now.

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 5, 2017 at 3:54 pm

      yup, just be indifferent

    6. Abigail

      May 15, 2017 at 1:56 am

      So I’ve been in no contact for 2 weeks now. We have to see each other once a week because of our child birthing classes. We’ve been civil with each other. Today he called me. I didn’t want to answer but because it was Mother’s Day I figured he was calling to to wish me a happy Mother’s Day. Sure enough he called saying he bought me flowers and wants to stop by. He stopped by with flowers and said he loves me and wanted to do this since im the mother of his unborn son. He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead. I was very indifferent. He tried to linger the conversation on. Is this a good sign? Or is he just being nice. Do I continue the no contact?

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2017 at 4:15 pm

      yes, you should continue the no contact but yes, that’s a good sign.

    8. Abigail

      May 19, 2017 at 3:56 pm

      Hi Amor,
      Just found out he basically left me to be in a relationship with some girl he “always had feelings for in middle school” and reconnected with at bartending school. Unfortunately he was stringing me along this whole time and I feel disgusted because I had to find out through other people and he couldn’t tell me. He basically stays the night at her house everyday, they go to school together, and they work together. At this point I want nothing to do with him but I love him so much I don’t know what to do. I called him to confront him about the other girl 2 days ago. I’m starting a strict no contact with him. Not even going to answer texts regarding the baby. I don’t understand how he can just let go of our 7 year relationship, engagement, and planned family like we meant nothing. I want to say this is a grass is greener case. Should I just move on with my baby. Or is there a possibility of reconciliation. He says they’ve just been talking to each other for a month and a half but others tell me otherwise. He said the relationship is not serious and he’s confused and upset that he couldn’t be the one to tell me about her. But I feel like he was never going to tell me.

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 11:05 pm

      yeah, it’s a grass is greener.. Hmm.. he’s probably confused because of guilt and maybe afraid that you would not let him in his son’s life.. let time pass first. dont make decisions now because you’re still very emotional

  12. Beautilocs

    March 10, 2017 at 1:03 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I reunited after years of being apart. We were both coming out of marriages and decided it was best to work some issues out separately before jumping into a new relationship… we tried but ended up dating for a few months, got pregnant and decided not to have the child. It left us both scarred and it set ablaze a breakup. We both wanted the child but feared the inability to care for the child. Fast forward to 5 years later and “old trusty” Facebook reconnected us. It was like love at first sight all over again. We dated for months and swore we would never part. I was hard on my luck because I was struggling to work and pay bills due to caring for my special needs son. He gave up his one bedroom, got a place for my children (3) and I to live together. Originally the plan was for us to work together and pay the bills, save money and eventually get married. We even begin trying for another child. We were all happy or so I thought… 7 months (almost a year down the line) later, the struggle had gotten so real. My son’s autism turned for the worse. I eventually was forced to resign as a teacher. He was the only one working. Money was scarce. Anything bad that could happened, happened; from tires busting out on cars, to me loosing my car… more money more problems. Arguments grew because he would always get on the phone with his family and friends and divulge all our issues in our relationship. Not to mention money issues became more evident to his parents because his car note had gotten behind. Now I wasn’t just without info. I still received almost closed to $1000 a month in benefits. I would take every dime of that to help us. We finally decided to move closer to my family, get a cheaper rental and start over. We were able to find a beautiful rental way less. I took all my income tax, paid past due bills, paid for the move and the rent/deposit, utilities. I was only waiting to buy a car. March 1, we moved. March 3, we went out and bought a car. That same night he took all of his boxes etc and left without saying a word to me. I didn’t even know he was gone. I cried all night. Called and text, no answer. He called the next day to apologize and to say he was overwhelmed about everything. I realized (through our share cell phone bill) he had been texting his ex girlfriend. He exclaimed nothing happened etc. He was at his aunt house. That same day after months of trying, I found out I was pregnant. He was suppose to come home that evening. I caught him at the ex gf house. I lost it and tried to knock the hell out of him. Instead of leaving with me, he stayed with her. Came home the next day, admitted he cheated and he was sorry. I tried to remain calm and talk through everything. I cooked, washed his clothes, and gave him cash because I assume he was broke. He left for work the next morning and was suppose to pick me up from a dealership. I had to take the car back due to financing issues. My children and I sat in a parking lot, cold and hungry for 3 hours waiting for him. He stood us up and by 8pm I had to call my mom to pick us up. I am completely in shock at what he did. He answered my calls the next morning to explain he just couldn’t do it. He can’t come back because things isn’t going to change. I begged him to come home and went on about we could pushed through this but he wasn’t buying it. He could only talk or answer my calls when he’s at work. Once he’s off, he disappears and ignores my calls. My parents wants me to let him go and terminate the pregnancy (5weeks). He’s all like I need time to “recalibrate myself” and I want to be there for the baby. Hundreds of texts and phone calls… wondering if he’s really worth NC, if he’s really worth it all. He’s 36 and I’m 32.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 13, 2017 at 4:07 pm

      Hi Beautilocs,

      try it first.. try a 45 day one. Do it for yourself. Heal and improve yourself.

  13. 051116jk

    March 5, 2017 at 3:19 am

    Hi! Im 5months pregnant. My bf and i broke up recently. Well everything was perfect til february. It all started when i moved into a nee hoyse which he wanted. He problematic with the financial like paying for our rent etc so helped him. And we had an argue before that i said i wont give him the his rights and surname to our child which is my really false and didnt mean it and now hes makin it as an excuse. The 1st time i found out that im pregnant i caught him cheating he chose us. And now its the same girl. He dont want to go with into check ups during his off becoz hes spending alot of time with the girl. They havin sex also coz i read it into his cellphone. Ive tried to centralized the baby and asked him to try to remember everything but he’s close minded. He has also different decision time by time. At first we broke up and let the girl heard it, then the other day he said it was all act since he’s trying to caught if this girl is the one who is trying to ruin us. Then he even made a letter and surprise during valentines since he has work he asked my friends for some help but also i found out that after his work he brought somewhere the girl for a dinner. Then broke up again. He said he will contact me for the babys sake and come with me during check ups but it changed again. He said he will help me thru expenses during giving birth. So now i did some agreement which stated that he will pay for the monthly check ups and meds, he will call and talk to our baby even its still in my womb, that he will come with me every check ups. Hopefully doing the agreement wont make the situation worst. Im trying to do the NO CONTACT and if he agreed on agreement i will just let him talk to our child and be cold as ice. But tbh i want him back. But how is theres someone in a picture already. Hope ull help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 5, 2017 at 9:09 pm

      Hi 051116jk,

      Do you still live together? The other girl doesn’t matter right now. What matters more is what you can control, yourself.

  14. Sofia

    March 3, 2017 at 7:50 am

    Hi im 38 weeks pregnant & my ex (nearly 20) and I (18) ended things yesterday. 2 weeks prior to that I found out he was chatting up other girls online for months and once i confronted him about it he admitted to hooking up with a couple of girls while he was out with his mates. I was so upset but because i loved him, i forgave him. Btw my ex recently moved 2 hours away from me to pursue his football dream career this was while we were still together and when i had no idea he was being unfaithful. He told me he had been feeling like there was a loss of love for me ever since he moved there as he wasnt seeing me as much as we use to, and he would always go out partying with his new mates because he had no one else to hang out with. Even though he hurt me alot with what he did i really wanted us to be together especially for our babys sake. So i tried getting him to work things out with me until he said he wanted to break up. I agreed only because i knew i couldnt force to keep him in the relationship. I felt that would just drive him more away from me so i agreed to the break up which became official yesterday. We both agreed to having no contact through this break up though he still wants to be apart of the babys life 100% and he will even be there for the birth. But until then we are having no contact whatsoever. He told me he is using this breakup as a way to see if itll make him miss me & if he really does want to be with me. I wont lie, deep down i hope he comes to the realisation that he wants me back but for now im working on being the best mum i can for my baby girl and im going to try and move on so im not waiting around for him. I never ever wanted my baby to be brought up with split parents but im hoping this no contact helps things. Do you think hell want to get back with me in his own time? Am I handling this situation the right way?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 3, 2017 at 11:05 pm

      Hi Sofia,

      get counseling too because that helps a lot for your emotional well being. But when you say you both agreed to no contact, does he know how long you’re going to do no contact?

  15. Mama OJ

    February 9, 2017 at 7:02 am

    Hi, I am 13 weeks pregnant and 30 years old by my ex (32 in May) who I had been in an on and off relationship with for 18months. He has lied to me a lot during that time and has been going between me and the mother of his two other children whom he had also lied about in the past. He is emotionally abusive one minute and nice the next. He broke up with me because I fell pregnant and refused to have an abortion. Two weeks ago we had a long fight over the phone and I ended it by telling him that I am done begging him to be there for us now when we need him the most and that if he isn’t going to be there for us during the pregnancy he shouldn’t bother once the child is born. 4 days later he texted me asking when I was going for a scan and if he could come with I asked why all of a sudden and he responded “just” and then two days after that he texted me again and asked how I was, I told him that I am okay and he responded with a “thumbs-up” emoji. The next day I texted him to ask whether he thinks I should buy a second hand travel system (cot, stroller and car seat) for the baby or get new ones. He said we will chat later as he was busy with a shutdown at work but he never got back to me. The next day (last night) I send him a picture of my supper and invited him to come eat with us but he never responded so after eating I texted him and told him I am sorry, I should have never texted him and again he just read the text and never responded. So I asked why he was doing what he’s doing and he pretended he didn’t know what I was talking about so I asked him why did he start communicating with me if he’s just going to ignore me when I text him? He then called me with his caller ID withheld and told me he will come and see me when he gets off work today so we can talk. I think he enjoys seeing me miserable and begging him to reconsider our break-up and hates it when I stop doing that. He knows that I love him and that I want him back regardless of all the pain and heartache he has put me through. I want to start no contact again today but I don’t know if I should let him come and talk first. And the other thing I would like to know is, should I respond to his random “Hi.. How are you?” texts during NC?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2017 at 6:16 pm

      Hi Mama OJ,

      He will keep doing that as long as he sees you keep talking to him like normal. For me you shouldn’t answer how are you questions, unless it’s about the baby. Focus on other things. Read, see family, go to classes for the baby, watch videos that help you through and after pregancy. Be productive.. but honestly for me, I don’t advise going back to an emotionally abusive person.

    2. Mama OJ

      February 9, 2017 at 8:19 pm

      So he never came for the “talk” but he called (again with his number withheld) to let me know he won’t be able to come as he is on standby at work. I knew it was him when the phone rang, answered cheerfully and didn’t say anything. I just listened to what he had to say and then said “okay, bye”. Except for that I have had no other contact with him today (first day of NC) Didn’t even check his profile (which I did a lot in the past).

      I honestly don’t know if I actually want him back or if I want to move on but either way I am going through with no contact for at least 4full weeks. Hopefully by then I will know whether I want him back or not.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2017 at 9:34 pm

      If not, it’s ok to extend the nc period.

  16. Natalia

    January 29, 2017 at 11:01 pm

    I’m in this situation, me and him were together for a year and on and off for a year, I won’t get into tremendous details but I told him when I was about 8 weeks, I let him know I didn’t know what I was going to do as far as keeping the baby because our relationship was already so complicated, a couple weeks later, I let him know I was keeping it, he started down talking me, accusing me of sleeping with his friends, after the argument is let him know we are more than welcome to do paternity testing, afterwards I immediately implemented the no contact, I only reached to let him no its a girl, he didn’t respond, it’s been 32 days….Should I just give up or is he just scared??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2017 at 2:30 pm

      Hi Natalia,

      he’s probably scared.. you might have to do minimal contact

  17. Sabrina

    January 28, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    So, I have a sincere question… I fall into a few of these categories and am unsure how to approach this. My ex and I broke up in May after a few years together only to reconcile and officially end in October. We continued to sleep together and as of December, I’m pregnant. We had been trying for years & he even admitted when we conceived that was why he gave up on us. Well, I have sense learned that during the last few months of our relationship while we actually miscarried that he was talking to someone else. He is a man who starts one before leaving another. He told me recently they’re telling one another the love each other. He hasn’t told her yet I’m pregnant though. Obviously had I known he had already moved on I would have been far more careful, but to me this was the man I’d been trying to have children with for at least a year… so I allowed this to happen. I asked him why he would be risky if he knew he was moving on. Part of him admits he wanted a child the other he didn’t think it would happen, and lastly… maybe I love you both. I know he can’t love her or I and act this way. Hiding it from her is only going to cause them issues. He stated she isn’t his girlfriend. Honestly he is a mess.

    Part of me wants to be back with him since I know we ended because we had a rocky past I was struggling to forgive, hence the grass is greener – she doesn’t have any drama with him, well, until now. The other part of me knows I deserve way more then this man has to offer.

    So, he didn’t break up with me because I’m pregnant he ended it cause I couldn’t let go of the past and met a new woman who was fun and had not been hurt by him, yet. But I am pregnant and I am now dealing with a man who more or less has a girlfriend, even if he says he doesn’t. I’ve started to do the 30day no contact although I’m not sure it’s right for us. Last time I saw him I was weak and intimate with him – that doesn’t help… I also was very much living in the past because seeing him interact with another woman he met while we were still involved doesn’t allow me to live in the moment specially while carrying his child.

    Any wisdom is appreciated. Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 29, 2017 at 11:06 am

      Hi Sabrina,

      yes its a grass is greener.. He doesnt see that the pregnancy outweighs what he thinks about you.. Its not it’s all your fault..it’s just that he has already associated you to bad memories..

    2. Sabrina

      March 14, 2017 at 12:29 pm

      Thank you for writing back. Since this time I learned he was lying to me the whole time. The woman he cheated on me with Sept 15 is the same woman who made it look like he cheated in May which is the same woman he is with now. Turns out May he did cheat with her even though he said he didn’t and made her look like a crazy stalker in May.

      Idk, what to do. He isn’t committed to her. Before he told me had a gf in Feb I slept with him in Jan. I then stayed away… and when he saw me to talk this past weekend he pushed sex. I don’t feel raped, but he was like being more pushy then normal. I physically wanted it so I can’t call it rape but I definitely said no a few times, pulled away, and asked him why he wanted to sleep with me. He didn’t really answer. I won’t do this again! I Mt goes against who I am even though she slept with him while he was my bf.

      We spoke, he doesn’t plan on leaving her, he said she took the news about the baby well… which is normal. She has ALWAYS wanted him. He would end it and she just waits on a back burner for him. They work near one another and half to see each other, because of this she just pushes her way back & he takes her.

      I really, in my heart, don’t know. He says he’s committed to her, trying to treat her right, but he can’t be around me without wanting to be with me. He’s even said he’s polyamorous. He said that if he left her to come back to me he would just cheat on me again and he doesn’t want to hurt me. He thinks he will cheat on her again, but is trying to treat her right. He doesn’t say he’s in love with her. He says he loves us both.

      I really don’t know what to do… my pregnant part wants him back. I don’t think he will cheat. Because if I walk away he won’t cheat on her. If she would stop being obsessed and leave he wouldn’t go back.

      I have tried doing NC but makes me feel bad so I answered which always leads to a fight. He text Sat asking how’s it going? He then text Mon a picture and comment he thought I’d find funny. He’s back in our area not hers… so he’s got time to think. Tues am how are you? Tue pm pic of the pillow he bought me, “I’ll use this I’m bloated” Wed am I guess this line is blocked – I feel bad, say no… the chain of hated opens up because I’m mad at him. To where we saw one another and slept together.

      =\ idk what to do… it seems like NC could work, but do I really want him back? He’s also building his life so he can live in her area more then ours. This is where I would love your honest opinion. Thank you Amor!

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2017 at 8:06 am

      then use nc to heal and reflect for now..

    4. Sabrina

      March 16, 2017 at 9:58 pm

      Thank you Amor. As much as I would like to get back with him as the father of my child. He is not changing… and I don’t foresee it anytime soon. Sadly, his loss <3 thanks again!

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 17, 2017 at 6:06 pm

      that’s rught3..its his loss! You’re welcome!

    6. Sabrina

      May 18, 2017 at 7:24 am

      So, I thought I’d update. I finally took the time to do a real NC. I ended phone communication with him March 30th and texts April 9th. I reached out via email May 6th or so to share information solely about the baby.

      Durning NC he went from texting every few days, to texting daily to texting and calling to giving up to trying again for week to ignoring communications about baby.

      I broke NC on Mothers Day as to say thank you for the well wishes. I also text with him briefly that night. Where I went off on him for starting a conversation but not finishing it. The next morning I apologized and said that even though I don’t want to speak to him clearly we need to speak.

      We spoke for an hour and a half the next night. He wanted to be friendly, I kept reiterating that we are not friends, lovers, or partners. He wanted to know how I was, I stressed it’s irrelevance. He seemed sad, unhappy about not being involved in the pregnancy and not overly happy with his choices, although the last one he didn’t say… it was just the energy. He stated I wish things were different & I am sorry all with a very solemn tone.

      Since last writing I learned he had moved her into his home in the other area, bad mouthed me saying I got pregnant on purpose, and made me seem like a gold digger. All of these I brought to his attention as well.

      The next day I was kind and invited him to the baby appointment for Friday, because I felt it was the loving thing to do.

      Well, today he called. I tried to be kind and answer. Told him I’d call him back, he joked with me, but I hung up. When I called back he was on the phone with his “gf” and sent the call to vm. This hurt me. When he called me back I was asleep and then he text ignoring me and then “fine” so I called him. Big mistake!

      I was so emotional, so not happy, the conversation turned to me telling him to stay away, leave me alone, sign over his rights, etc. This first conversation post NC I was centered and in my strength. I know it’s normal for him having a gf to bother me, but it brings out the worst in me… all emotions, not centered & at peace.

      The first convo was great. It ended with him not wanting to get off the phone even though he was passing out on the line. He even said tonight he was looking forward to seeing me on Friday. He also admitted part of him could see a family with me. He also pulled the I will always love you card which I rebutted, love doesn’t do this… but before hanging up he told me “I love you” again.

      I can’t handle the having a girlfriend ish. I know being the bigger person and acting from a place of love is right, but man… the emotions from feeling it hurt… even after a month.

      I see him having distance from me is good. He misses what isn’t there. He felt left out of the pregnancy. Which I told him was his choice during the good convo. He had said to me the month prior he would go on a baby Moon with me but doesn’t want to deal with the consequences if I told the other woman, like I did before. He also brought this up in the first convo “I don’t want to talk about her” “That’s fine with me, me neither” “I feel like I cant tell you anything without you going back to her” However, if it’s nothing bad why would he care 1. and 2. I don’t want anything to do with her. Only told her he cheated cause she or he should have told me. But I digress, sorry.. during the first convo I really felt an overwhelming sense of sadness with his choices.

      He wants to be cool with me, but I don’t want friends so… I feel like I need to say sorry for last night. Express I am not in a place to be his friend. Let him come to the appointment, but keep my distance!

      It’s such a hard palaces to be in. Part of me wants to be a family, the other part wants to be away from him and have him sign over his rights. =|

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 9:41 pm

      have you decided?

  18. Veronica

    December 20, 2016 at 7:06 pm

    I’ve been in a relationship for five years. We have been trying to have a baby for the past year. I am now five months pregnant. He broke up with me a month ago. He made very good money but about 2 years ago he was laid off of work. I took care of the household for the past two years financially. Shortly after we found out we were pregnant he got his job back which requires a lot of traveling. We moved into a bigger place which requires his help financially although not much. One month after going back to his old job he broke up with me. He began being very mean and nasty toward me. I honestly don’t know what’s going on or if he has someone else but it was very strange and out of the blue. He has become so harsh and will not talk to me and blocked me from his phone. We live together and he has not come back home since leaving for work last month. His job will take him away for months at a time. But we’ve always made sure we see each other. But not this time. I am not only heart broken but it hurts because it seems like the interest in this baby has gone. He initially would call every night to be put on speaker phone to talk to the baby and now I’m getting nothing. Two days ago we had a long talk which turned into arguing but I got him to start calling to speak to the baby at night time because it’s very important to me that she hears his voice while still inside of me. I explained to him that it’s so much bigger than the two of us at this point but he’s just so nasty and seems so angry towards me as if I did something and I know that I did not. When I ask him why did he decide to walk away from me now while pregnant he gives 1 million different excuses which are lies. I really don’t know what’s going on all I know is that I want my family. I am doing the no contact other than in reference to the baby I just don’t know how long I can do it because at times I feel very sad and alone. Please help me at least deal with these emotions and figure out what I need to do here.

    Within the last 3 days he has called every night to read bed time stories to the baby in my belly. He told me last week when he calls do not make small talk with him as he is only calling to talk about to the baby. The problem is, he has attempted small talk but as much as I want to, I dismiss it and tell him we will talk to him tomorrow. I had a doc appointment yesterday and he asked to be on speaker phone for the first time. It was actually harder for me with him on speaker than me going alone because I wish he was there. I did find out that his assignment for this job ended and he is remaining in the rental property and refusing to come home. He has a million excuses about me as to why he won’t come home which is why I’m thinking it may be someone else. However he is a loner and a little strange so it’s hard to tell.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 8:03 am

      Hi Veronica,

      even if he’s a loner, if he really loves you he would want to be with you.. Aside from the advice above, be in counseling to have professional help.. Put the baby first for now..Be with family and friends and enjoy the preparatiob for the baby..he’s still co parenting with you, so dont worry about the baby not having a father because it looks like he’s still willing to do that..

  19. Adrianna

    December 20, 2016 at 5:10 pm

    Hi I just found out I’m pregnant and my ex doesn’t want to be with me cuz he wants to be with another woman and I told him he has a chance to be with me or her and I told him I would rather be with the baby dad and if doesn’t want to be with me that he will never see his child what I should do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 10:21 pm

      Hi Adrianna,

      Do you want to try the advise above? Are you going to do the no contact rule?

  20. Santateresa

    December 16, 2016 at 10:54 am

    Hi
    I first asked my question on 9/10.
    Well I have given birth. He hasn’t seen the baby. He broke up with me saying he doesn’t want to live together anymore as we’re fighting a lot via text but still want to “co-parent” as if that is possible with him living in another country.

    I was devastated but now I am angry. It’s an awful timing for a break up. I had been asking him earlier but he timed it right before Christmas!! Right after giving birth to his son.

    Now he doesn’t want a clean break. He wants me to message him everyday because we are parents to the same kid and “we should behave normally towards each other” I suggested making a website he can access to check out updates about the baby or even just contacting my mom, but he wants us to be in touch. He said he’d visit the baby every other month and we should see how if it’d would work out. I pressed him if he wanted me keep the door open for him and he said he’s not saying yes not saying no but we’re old enough to decide for ourselves. When pressed about whether or not I should keep my Japanese visa he said I better have a visa (so he can order me back when he wants?!) . I said I didn’t have the means to, and he said maybe next year he would be in Singapore anyway so I might not need the visa (so? Is he implying he’ll take me to Singapore?)

    Frankly I don’t know if I should continue messaging him. I send him photos of his baby:no messages, just photos, just because I’m afraid he’d cancel child support if I didn’t. My mom said I should continue being amicable because I might “win him back” and I should “make him fall in love with me again” A part of me wants to be together, a part of me is angry, and a part of me is just physically and emotionally exhausted and don’t care. This is the third or fourth time he’s breaking up with me in 18 months and each time he came back.
    Unfortunately, pregnancy hormones+ post partum. And there is a baby now. Getting tired of all these.

    What’s the best course of action, ignore him totally, message him with photos of kid only or communicate with him as before as though we didn’t break up (which is what he wants? )

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 18, 2016 at 6:25 pm

      Hi Santateresa,

      communicate with him as a co parent only..
      You have too much on your plate. Now,is not the right time to think about how or if you should get him back with him because you have to bounce back from the pregnancy and take care of the baby at the same time.. That means only messaging him about the baby..If photos is the only thing that’s comfortable for you, that’s ok. Just don’t fight. Physically, you’re going through post partum, don’t feed that by more negativity.. Enjoy these moments with your baby. Yes, it’s very hard but they grow up too fast and you could unintentionally project your mood to the baby.. Make happy memories that you can go back to when your baby starts to understand..

      If he wants to see the baby, so be it. Let him be a father. Be polite. You don’t have to be all warm, just calm, polite, and amicable is enough..

  21. Jennifer

    December 11, 2016 at 3:42 pm

    I am 8 weeks pregnant, he left screwing around with 5 other girls. I been NC for 6 days but called him today because I was on the way to hospital thought I was miscarrying bleeding and he hung up on me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2016 at 12:37 pm

      Hi Jennifer,

      It’s ok to talk to him about the pregnancy. How long were you together?

  22. Softly Feather

    October 27, 2016 at 11:04 pm

    Hello, I am 7 months pregnant to this day. Before I got pregnant, I was seeing someone from highschool and I was fit, in shape, and happy about life. I was planning on travelling and finishing Univeristy. My boss at the time seemed interested in me, he was 10 years older and his parents owned the business I worked at. One night he invited a few of my friends over for some drinks, I got a little tipsy and long story short I ended up pregnant by him. I had it on my mind while we continued working together. He would do cute things to me and treat me with special attention. I grew to enjoy it and even crave it. I knew about a week later I was pregnant. Something about my body was different. Backaches, headaches, mood swings, and two weeks later I threw up in the morning. I got a pregnancy test (two actually) and both came back positive. I told my boss the next day, I went to his work early and asked to see him. He had no idea, it took him completely by surprise. He was excited to be a dad (he’s 35 with no kids or girlfriend) and we decided to work on it together. A few weeks went by, he took me to my appointments and scheduled my shifts differently (evening shifts on account of the morning sickness) he even bought me a tonne of food and displayed interest in my friends. Everything seemed great, but then he grew distant. He was mad I had told my friend and it got around, because of the position we were in he obviously wasn’t supposed to be sleeping with staff. I was excited though. It was my first pregnancy and I liked the idea of us being a family. Then the girls at the place we worked at told him that I went behind his back and told them. They would tell him things about what I said and he started to grow even more distant. Being hormonal I would call him to come over often, but he never seemed to open up. He said he felt a little trapped. Then another person from work said I was seeing someone when I got there, which wasn’t a lie I was seeing someone I dated in highschool. He was going to come see me, and we were together before I started the job, but I knew by the time frame I was with him too far away from the time I got pregnant. He asked me for a paternity test, and things were different at work. It wasn’t the same and I just wanted to be by my family and friends back home, so I told him I was going to leave. He didn’t even stop me, he just told me to tell him if I was going to. The next day I messaged him and told him, and I left back home. He has never forgiven me for that and even when I regretted leaving and asked to come back he said we were over. He said he couldn’t handle my emotions and my flip flopping but the truth is I’m just very emotional right now. More than I have ever been in my life. I told him that he was the meanest person I ever met, and he called me crazy. So I blocked, deleted him, everything. Even changed my number. A week ago I finally messaged him, because I knew I was just hurt that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, but I knew it was selfish for my unborn child because he still wanted to be a father, just not with me. He freaked out on me for blocking him, saying I was the craziest, meanest, and selfish person he ever met. He makes me feel like complete crap. I have never felt this emotional in my life and with him he just gets angrier and angrier. I told him that I was sorry, but I had my reasons, and that he can be a part of his sons life. I also finally accepted his offer for some money, which he sent right away to help with everything he needs. At this point we are kind of at a friendly, amicable talking stage where I tell him what’s going on, and he doesn’t talk about anything else, except for the baby. I still feel hurt, and confused, and emotionally torn but I’m trying to act civil. Truth is I just wish things could go back to the way things were, before I used to bother him to come over, or before I left his work. He says that me and him will never be a couple, and I’ve never seen anyone hold a grudge for so long. I’m glad he has always stepped up and agreed to be part of his life, and even helped me out without confirming that it was his son. I feel so used, and ugly now. I used to be wanted, and fit, and so confident but now I am even failing at that. I wish things could go back to the way things were, and I’m currently not talking to him (Although it has only been a few days) I agreed to let him stay at my place when he comes in for the birth, this seemed to make him kind of emotional but happy, since he was probably worried about that. I told him I was fine with just remaining friends but the truth is I’m dying inside and I really want him back. How do I prove to him it’s just the emotions that were making me flip-floppy? Or that me leaving his business was because I couldn’t deal with the stress for working for him anymore. Currently I am at a new job and have been saving for a few months. I am in a relaxed state of mind but these pregnant emotions are making me feel all kinds of lonely. Help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2016 at 1:03 am

      Hi Softly Feather,

      Just tell him.. Email if you want to, so, that he would have to read before he answers. If he doesn’t believe you, it’s not your fault anymore.. And not to be offensive, I believe it is his baby, but for everybody’s peace of mind, it would be better if you get a paternity test when the baby is born. For me, it’s for your baby’s security too. So, that whatever happens, he won’t say that he’s not even sure if the baby is his… Right now, just stay civil with him and be healthy for you and the baby. Set aside getting him back, because honestly, it’s not the right time. All the emotional roller coaster will not be good for the baby.

  23. Softly Feather

    October 27, 2016 at 9:53 pm

    Hello, I am 7 months pregnant to this day. Before I got pregnant, I was seeing someone from highschool and I was fit, in shape, and happy about life. I was planning on travelling and finishing Univeristy. My boss at the time seemed interested in me, he was 10 years older and his parents owned the business I worked at. One night he invited a few of my friends over for some drinks, I got a little tipsy and long story short I ended up pregnant by him. I had it on my mind while we continued working together. He would do cute things to me and treat me with special attention. I grew to enjoy it and even crave it. I knew about a week later I was pregnant. Something about my body was different. Backaches, headaches, mood swings, and two weeks later I threw up in the morning. I got a pregnancy test (two actually) and it came back positive. I told my boss the next day, I went to his work early and asked to see him. He had no idea, it took him completely by surprise. He was excited to be a dad (he’s 35 with no kids of girlfriend) and we decided to work on it together. A few weeks went by, he took me to my appointments and scheduled my shifts differently (evening shifts on account of the morning sickness) he even bought me a tonne of food and displayed interest in my friends. Everything seemed great, but then he grew distant. He was mad I had told my friend and it got around, because of the position we were in he obviously wasn’t supposed to be sleeping with staff. I was excited though. It was my first pregnancy and I liked the idea of us being a family. Then the girls at the place we worked at told him that I went behind his back and told them. They would tell him things about what I said and he started to grow even more distant. Being hormonal I would call him to come over often, but he never seemed to open up. He said he felt a little trapped. Then another person from work said I was seeing someone when I got there, which wasn’t a lie I was seeing someone I dated in highschool. He was going to come see me, and we were together before I started the job, but I knew by the time frame I was with him too far away from the time I got pregnant. He asked me for a paternity test, and things were different at work. It wasn’t the same and I just wanted to be by my family and friends back home, so I told him I was going to leave. He didn’t even stop me, he just told me to tell him if I was going to. The next day I messaged him and told him, and I left back home. He has never forgiven me for that and even when I regretted leaving and asked to come back he said we were over. He said he couldn’t handle my emotions and my flip flopping but the truth is I’m just very emotional right now. More than I have ever been in my life. I told him that he was the meanest person I ever met, and he called me crazy. So I blocked, deleted him, everything. Even changed my number. A week ago I finally messaged him, because I knew I was just hurt that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, but I knew it was selfish for my unborn child because he still wanted to be a father, just not with me. He freaked out on me for blocking him, saying I was the craziest, meanest, and selfish person he ever met. He makes me feel like complete crap. I have never felt this emotional in my life and with him he just gets angrier and angrier. I told him that I was sorry, but I had my reasons, and that he can be a part of his sons life. I also finally accepted his offer for some money, which he sent right away to help with everything he needs. At this point we are kind of at a friendly, amicable talking stage where I tell him what’s going on, and he doesn’t talk about anything else, except for the baby. I still feel hurt, and confused, and emotionally torn but I’m trying to act civil. Truth is I just wish things could go back to the way things were, before I used to bother him to come over, or before I left his work. He says that me and him will never be a couple, and I’ve never seen anyone hold a grudge for so long. I’m glad he has always stepped up and agreed to be part of his life, and even helped me out without confirming that it was his son. I feel so used, and ugly now. I used to be wanted, and fit, and so confident but now I am even failing at that. I wish things could go back to the way things were, and I’m currently not talking to him (Although it has only been a few days) I agreed to let him stay at my place when he comes in for the birth, this seemed to make him kind of emotional but happy, since he was probably worried about that. I told him I was fine with just remaining friends but the truth is I’m dying inside and I really want him back. How do I prove to him it’s just the emotions that were making me flip-floppy? Or that me leaving his business was because I couldn’t deal with the stress for working for him anymore. Currently I am at a new job and have been saving for a few months. I am in a relaxed state of mind but these pregnant emotions are making me feel all kinds of lonely. Help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 29, 2016 at 1:02 am

      Hi Softly Feather,

      Just tell him.. Email if you want to, so, that he would have to read before he answers. If he doesn’t believe you, it’s not your fault anymore.. And not to be offensive, I believe it is his baby, but for everybody’s peace of mind, it would be better if you get a paternity test when the baby is born. For me, it’s for your baby’s security too. So, that whatever happens, he won’t say that he’s not even sure if the baby is his… Right now, just stay civil with him and be healthy for you and the baby. Set aside getting him back, because honestly, it’s not the right time. All the emotional roller coaster will not be good for the baby.

  24. Mary

    October 22, 2016 at 8:26 pm

    I am almost 7 months pregnant .. was living with my ex and due to trust issues from my side because of him leaving me and walking out on me before, I because a little insecure and jealous.. the hormones were making act irrational at times I admit it.. we had 4 big fights and on the last one he broke up things with me for good he said.. he said he was tired of my jealousy and didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby.. i asked him to give a chance that the pregnancy has me very emotional and that I’m not the person I was projecting. He said no
    It’s been 3 weeks and he hasn’t try to look for me or the baby
    I had 2 dr’s appointments already and he hasn’t even try to see how the baby is doing I am doing the no contact rule in planning to do it for one more week .. I’ll be getting another ultrasound before the baby is born and I don’t know if I should let him know about it ?
    After all he told his mom he doesn’t want to be with us because he doubts the baby is his , I still feel very offended by that but god and I know is his baby.. I’m afraid he will use me not communicating about he baby’s well being against me one day if I file for child support?
    My things are still at his parents house it’s hard for me to find a place to move out I’m almost 7 months and don’t have money to do so.
    I’m staying at my parents but that’s until the baby is born.. i don’t know what to do here
    He is acting like if he hates me or like if I done something terrible to him. I have a feeling he went back to his ex just how he is done in on the past .. help here please

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 23, 2016 at 9:26 pm

      Hi Mary,

      that’s too short for a no contact period. You have to do at least 30 or I think or 45 even.. but don’t worry, you can still contact him about doctor’s appointments, as long as it’s only about those.. No feelings, no relationship, no begging for him to come back, no trying to convince him that you’re changing, no hate, no anger… just being civil..

      and then focus in making yourself healthy and happy for yourself and the baby.. you can get a paternity test later on if needed.. but right now, he has to think that you’ve accepted the situation, moved on, and aiming to be independent and just to co parent with him…

      that way you have a higher chance of him realizing you won’t act jealous anymore and he wont feel pressured around you…

  25. Nanteza Prossy

    October 19, 2016 at 1:50 pm

    Am also 3months pregnant but my boyfriend changed the day he came to know i was pregnant.So wen i asked if he wanted mi to abort he never supported it.Am the one to cal smtyms he picks up other he makes ma cal busy.i love him and even wen i try to give him time without calling,i end up calling.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 21, 2016 at 1:27 am

      Hi Nanteza,
      how long were you together? how old are you both? And what do you think about the advice above? are you going to try it?

  26. Alex

    October 15, 2016 at 9:20 am

    Hi all 🙂

    I am 8 and a half months pregnant, met the father, had couple of dates, then I decided I didn’t want to see him again and made it clear to him as I didn’t think he was a good match, had very poor lines and sounded like a cheap player,
    When I found out I was pregnant I called him and was really supportive, even though he already had 3 other kids with another woman,
    He showed he is very mature and a good man, opposed to what I thought at first.
    We tried to be together as a couple but the hormones didn’t let the magic last long as I became really jealous and didn’t trust him at all.
    We had 3 big fights and always tried to make things work.
    I moved to his place in another country where he works so we could be together when the baby comes and then he told me he is unsure if he wants to be in a serious relationship with me as he is used to live alone.
    He cried a lot when I left and also cried few days latter when I said I didn’t want to discuss relationships anymore as I don’t love him, we never really had any talk about feelings or relationships before.
    I met his kids and his mother but he hasn’t met anyone in my family.
    He is worried also that the mother of his kids won’t allow him to see the kids if we are together, or else that she will make it harder and demand his presence all the time using the kids as an excuse (sick, school issues,..)
    I have initiated NC, however he will come to live with me now for few weeks so he can be present when the baby arrives and also spend the first days together as a family to bond with the baby.
    Now I’m not sure how this will work (NC) as he can’t sleep next to me without hugging me and initiating sex (which I already decided it won’t happen this time),
    I am not sure about my feelings at the moment as I am focusing on the baby but would like things to work as we were great together, he has issues to express his feelings in general and doesn’t like to talk about things that make him worried and he is going through a lot too but this time he was selfish enough to have that conversation that made me go away even when I am already so close to my due date to then regret it.
    Sometimes it still crosses my mind that he is seeing other girls but not as much as before, however this is something I have to work on myself too, I could be with someone else even now if I wanted to.
    I am keeping positive about this all and will keep you updated on how it goes,

    Thank you for all the advice and helping so many people to be happy 🙂

    Alex

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 16, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      Hi Alex,

      there are too many issues.. First, his problem with his ex should be his problem only.. If he doesn’t or can’t see your baby because of that, then have a talk that you’re sole concern is your child. His always welcome to be the father of the child but he has to be man enough to talk to his ex about his situation with his other kids.. It’s good that you’re not going to sleep with him again because that will just make your situation worse.

      Just make everything simple. I know it’s easy to say but hard to do but that’s the only solution I can see.. Have separate rooms when you live together, and remind yourself of your standards so that it would be easier for you to deal with him. No relationship with him if he’s not faithful. If he really wants this to work, there should more effort on his side than you trying to convince him.. Because there shouldn’t even any convincing to be done..

  27. Cathorse

    October 11, 2016 at 4:45 pm

    So I was in a long-distance relationship with the boyfriend for 1.5 years. We just broke up during my this visit to him. Reason? He don’t want to marry me, for many reasons. But I wanted to marry him… However, I agreed this breakup. When I was leaving, I found out being pregnant. I told him, he insisted I should go abortion. But I’m 36 already, this is my first child. I do want to keep the baby. Now questions: 1. The baby’s father actually is a man in his fifties, never married or have kids, he told me want to settle with kids in the early stage of our dating. So is that possible for this man to change his mind to accept the child? 2. Now he is in a mode no communication since I don’t agree abortion, and he thinks I’m trying to trap him, what shall I do to make him know I just want a child, not on purpose trap him? 3. Being a single mum is difficult, and even more difficult in my country. If possible, I hope at least can have a marriage certificate to keep this child even later divorce, I don’t need his financial support or being there, but I just don’t want the social pressure having child without marriage. How can I made him to agree on this? Finally…I’m still happy even this relationship didn’t go the way I was expecting. But I’m so grateful the god given me this gift. Appreciate your answers.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 5:50 pm

      Hi Cathrose,

      You need to be strong.. Other people’s opinions are just opinions. Getting a marriage certificate for other people’s opinion is not the right reason for it.. People will have a say in whatever situation you are in, so you have to build a thick skin for that. Besides, you don’t live for them, you live for your child now..

      You can’t force him, so the best you can do is to give him space because the more you try to convince him now, the more you will look like you’re forcing him. Right?

      I’m happy that you think that whatever happens, you have a blessing, hold on to that. Him marrying you is the least priority now..

  28. S

    September 19, 2016 at 3:59 am

    Wow just proves how phyco you girls are, I’m researching why my ex is telling me is pregnant while I am at sea working but insists I keep it to myself and don’t tell a soul and refuses to send me and scan photos or any evidence to prove that she is in fact pregnant..

    you say your old fashioned am assuming you still want equal rights yeah? But still expect the man to pay for everything? Pfft the what’s yours is mine and what’s mine is my own I call this the wyimawmim mindset..

    Seriously if you guys just stopped playing these phyco head games we would all be in a better place just say what your thinking and tell us how you feel.. So hard? Treat us like personal phyco logical experiment no wonder we have the life is over mindset half the time is not the child we worry about but the mind battering women we have messed up having them with!

    1. Abbigail

      October 3, 2016 at 6:33 pm

      That’s not always true. I’m pregnant and my ex left me bc of a fight that could have been avoided if he would have just met me in the middle. He was playing mind games and continues to play mind games even still. I’ve been sad and worrying wth he’s been doing for weeks now but he continues to hang with his friends, drinking, and doing God knows what. I’ve told him about my complications during the pregnancy and he could care less. I’ve done all I could to try and keep us together but his own selfishness kept him away. That is not mine or the baby’s fault. It’s his own selfishness. Any man who can walk away from a child or the mother at this time over a petty fight was never a man in the first place.

      Your situation is a little different, considering she isn’t giving any evidence but we aren’t all just crazy and play mind games. We’re given a reason.

  29. Santateresa

    September 10, 2016 at 4:50 am

    Hi. I am 26 weeks pregnant and my situation is kind of different.
    I was living with my baby daddy and we would always fight. He initially wanted me to abort but I refused. And then we agreed we’d go for it. When I was 20 weeks and couldn’t take both the emotional pain and the physical pain of the pregnancy (my tummy was hurting so much, I was afraid I’d have a miscarriage) , I decided to fly home to my parents, coz my mom is a Dr. He didn’t approve of it and hated my making decision to fly home without consulting him (he always wearing earphones at home so I couldn’t talk to him). My mom found what was wrong with me-UTI, malnutrition for me and the baby, low hemoglobin etc. I started treatment and kept in touch with him, promising to fly back in two weeks. Well, days prior to my flight he was saying he would fly home to his parents in another continent basically for two weeks and spend the weekend away after my return probably to spend a weekend biking with his friends .
    I was angry, because it felt like he was trying to get back at me for just jetting off and he wanted me to feel how he felt when I left him. But it’s not fair coz I was having pregnancy issues and I was hurting and the doctors in that country were helpless and we are both expats so I have no one in that country but him. I told him I wasn’t flying back if he would hardly be by my side. What do I do in case of emergency???
    I stopped messaging him a month ago.
    He would message me about the baby and my check ups and then lately my parents were asking what his plans were. So I messaged him and he said he plans to be a dad. I said he could still be a dad without us being together. I asked him if he still wants to work it out or not. But I’ll be giving birth in a few months and I need know for practicalities sake – considering there are three countries involved- if we are going to try it out. I said for example if he doesn’t want to try it out that’s fine, but because we live in two different countries I want my baby to have my last name, not his. If he wants to try it out, we can fly back to our country of residence, but I want a consent form that lets me fly internationally with the baby-so we can leave if it doesn’t work out.
    Well,. It’s been a week and he hasn’t replied. Im not being emotional about it, I’m being practical. i just need to know if I should start looking for a nanny, a bigger house etc here. I’m mentally preparing for him to say he doesn’t want to to work it out and I made it clear its OK, but due to laws and legalities(visas, taxes) , the earlier I know the better. It’s frustrating that he doesn’t reply-all I want is news, even if its bad news. What so difficult about ending it so I can move on? I want it to come from him, that’s it . and I made that quite clear to him. But he refuses to communicate when the topic goes to our relationship. I’ve been doing the NC rule(I’m pretty good at that). I don’t text him and don’t plan on doing so. I just don’t know how to coax an answer out of him. Don’t get me wrong I want it to work out -i love him but he hurt me mea lot and besides I’m too proud to go crawling back. So my attitude is like, ‘ You want to end it? Fine, let’ s f*****g end it! Bring it on! Your loss!! !!! ‘ and then he disappears and I don’t hear from him!!!! I don’t know how to handle him when he builds that stone wall around him

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 7:11 am

      Hi Santateresa,

      You can’t control him, so the best you can do is if it doesn’t work out when you’ve already given birth to your child, is to use your last name for the child. If he really wants it to work out, he’ll fly to you and your child.

  30. Nichole

    August 29, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    7 weeks pregnant by my ex. He’s 28 I’m 26. Broke up in 2013 after 4.5 years. Been fooling around on and off even since. Fast forward to today. Shortly after we became pregnant he started dating this girl. He has since told her that I’m expecting and that it his child but wasn’t truthful about how far along I was to cover his butt (we all know the truth will come out in the end.) We have incredibly good chemistry and always have. We get a long great and during my worst times and his worst times we were both very supportive of another. Eventually though my depression got the best of.me and he couldnt handle it hence the break up. Any ways. Although we say we don’t want a relationship with eachother do you think that may change with this for be use of the baby. We basically dobthe no contact thing. He never messages me about the baby and I only message him to let him know about appts. Idk. I don’t know if I want the family because I’m pregnant or if I still care about him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 9:26 am

      Hi Nichole,

      A baby is always a blessing right? 🙂 Anyways, I’m not a mom but of course you’re going to be a mom and maybe the hormones, makes you want to have a complete family.

      But him being a father and a partner is two different roles. For me, it’s ok to ask him or demand that he should be a great father but being a partner should come more naturally from him. If I was in your position, I won’t ask to be back together especially that he has a girlfriend. He has to work for me. The good news is that you have a lot of time because he will see you everytime he will come to see his child. So, just focus in your health right now, and in recovering after birth, getting your life routine back and working on yourself independently as a person, apart from being a mom..

      Don’t sleep with him again if you’re not together. Raise your value. Don’t let him think that you’re chasing him to have a complete family. Even if you are not together, as long as he’s being a good father, that ok.

  31. Ann

    August 29, 2016 at 8:29 am

    I’m almost 7 months pregnant and the father of my child left me because I didn’t get an abortion. We were dating for almost 2 years and I did love him. However I found out that he had three other girlfriends while he was dating me. I know he’s not worth it because he’s a lying cheater but I want my baby to have a relationship with his father. Will the No Contact rule still work? Also he told me he doesn’t want to be on the birth certificate and that he doesn’t want anything to do with me or the child, no life updates, nothing. So inviting him to check ups won’t work. Any tips?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 7:20 am

      Hi Ann,

      We can’t guarantee that.. Basically the only thing that will most likely happen if you stop asking him to be responsible for his child is that he will be less annoyed of you.. Maybe when he sees that you’re happy, you and your child, he may have second thoughts and want to be involved again.

  32. Sarah

    August 28, 2016 at 4:17 pm

    So my ex and I dated for about 8 months during that time we were so in love but my family didn’t like him and I think that really affected him. I fought for him the next couple of months and then gave up but then he contacted me and we got back together (during that period he had said some quite mean things to me and also used to just not respond to me a lot of the time except when he wanted to speak). I probably sound quite desperate
    Anyway, we thought let’s try to make it work. I was really trying and putting in loads of effort but he wasn’t and if j ever mentioned this he would say that I was “nagging” and so is apologise. To me it felt like a vicious cycle. Anyway, we eventually broke up 5 weeks ago. I was out with my friends and he responsed in our convo about 3 hours later saying that he was no longer having a night in but going for a couple of drinks but he was driving. I thought and said excited “come and pick me up!” Thinking itd be nice to have some drinks together with his friends. His response was to say he wasn’t driving anymore. I was expecting to tell me to come anyway but he didn’t so I just said ok have fun. He then asked what my problem was to which I replied I just thought we could be spontaneous and have some drinks together. He then started saying to me that I was creating issues and unnecessary animosity and we’d planned to see each other the next night so what was the issue. He then turned his phone off so I couldn’t contact him. The next morning he said to me “read back the messages and let me know what you think”. I stupidly apologised and said sorry I just wanted to see you and have fun with you. He then just said he’d talk to me later. I messaged asking what time we were meeting that evening. He didn’t respond for 4 hours and said “he wasn’t happy about last night and didn’t want to see me” – this was an hour before my suggested time of meeting. We then didn’t speak until the following evening when I tried to call (he didn’t answer as expected) and then messaged to say that I was just phone to draw a line under our relationship. He then messaged saying he’d call me the next day- he had a habit of prolonging things out. We had a nice amicable convo the next day and it was all fine. We met the following weekend so I could get some of my stuff and he seemed quite cold and checked out of the relationship. We didn’t speak for 3 weeks until he messaged on my birthday. I was abroad but just said thank and then stupidly dropped the bombshell that I needed to talk to him. (I realised I should’ve waited now). Once I was back the next day I messaged saying I was weeks late and worried. His concern wasn’t to ask if I was ok but ok we need to sort this out. I said I’d message later in the week. He messaged the next day. Things turned sour because I asked him bout something a mutual friend said re him taking drugs. He immediately went on the defensive and attacked me and said that she said she didn’t say he took drugs and that I was lying to catch him out and I was now lying about being late. So I told him to leave me alone and I’d deal with it myself. He then said no we’ll deal with it together but when we tried to organise a time he was like gues I’ll have to cancel my plans on that day then (he was going for drinks). I said don’t worry about it I’ll deal with it because I didn’t want him to resent me any more than he did but he seemed to just get angry when I said we need to stop talking because he constantly just has me in tears and attacks and I deserve better, all I needed was some support from him. We have now not spoken since. I’ve had to omit some details because this is already so long but am I in the wrong here??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 30, 2016 at 5:46 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      Well, it looks like he thinks you’re chasing him.. how are you now?

    2. Saeah

      September 7, 2016 at 7:50 am

      Hi,
      So turns out I was pregnant and I told him, he didn’t respond with anything except so you’re pregnant.
      When I was at my appointment to deal with it I messaged saying all I needed was his support.
      I don’t want to be with him at all but he’s made out like I’m crazy and blocked me on via phone and social media.
      Will he ever feel any remorse?!

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 8, 2016 at 8:26 am

      Just like what the article said, give him time. If he thought you were chasing before, now he likely feels pressured..

  33. JESSI

    July 20, 2016 at 9:02 am

    i am 1 month pregnant. My ex and i had relationship for 6 months and we broke up 6 months ago. Last two months we met few time. Last month we had a huge fight cause i found out he has a girlfriend. And. i blocked him away. Yesterday, i found out i am pregnant with his child. What should i do? i cant go into surgery room.
    i love him but he is a playboy. Actually, when we had relationship he cheated me with his highschool girl. Now he is with her, and he cheated her with me. He said he ended everything. but it was lie. what should i do ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 21, 2016 at 3:15 pm

      Hi Jessi

      let him know the truth but of course, it would only be for the sake of being transparent first..

      if he is willing to support the baby, that’s good but don’t ask to be back with him and then do limited no contact

  34. Brittany

    July 5, 2016 at 2:15 am

    I am only 7 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend recently left me. We have only been together in a romantic relationship for 7 months but we have been close friends for many years. We discussed having children and for the most part this was a planned pregnancy. When I first told him he seemed excited and we had just found a place together. Well within a week about 2 weeks after discovering I was pregnant he decided he no longer wanted to live together and signed our lease by himself and told me I could not move in. He also has been trying to convince me and even begged me to have an abortion. His parents are foreign immigrants and do not approve of our relationship (even though I’m 26 and he’s 30 and were adults capable of making our own decisions). His parents set him up with another woman before discovering I was pregnant. When I refused to have an abortion he told me he wanted nothing to do with me or the child and to stay out of his life. I feel very lost and confused and betrayed because he was the one who wanted children and was set on making our relationship work (I wanted to stay friends). What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2016 at 5:52 am

      Hi Brittany,

      keep the baby if you want, you can do it.. do you want to try Chris’ advice above?

  35. Meryl

    July 2, 2016 at 6:05 pm

    Hi chris, i really hope you can give some advice ive read your site and its really intriguing.
    Well to cut a long story short im currently 30 weeks pregnant ive known my ‘boyfriend’ for almost a year we first started as friends with benefits but then when became good friends and started to have feelings for each other but our relationship was always kept a secret…then a couple of months later started to have feelings for each other he went to his native home for holiday (his Indian) and got engaged for an arranged marriage from then on i told him that i could accept him as before but he was saying he has no choice im older than him by 3 years and that his parents will never accept me blah blah…so when he came back he still wanted to continue our relationship then he got some bad news his mom had passed away he went back for the funeral after that i felt pity for him so I continued to sleep with him but in my head i knew i will never accept him with his new wife well one month later i found out i was pregnant i told him about it but he was hysterical he wanted me to have an abortion because it would ruin his name…but i told him that i dont believe in abortion and promised him that he can carry on with his life and I will never tell anyone his the father but still he was upset saying that i was ruining his name blah blah so i cut off contact with him he continued to contact me saying that we should meet up for a holiday I went thinking that we would talk about the baby we never talked about the baby so after the holiday i felt used and he started to become distant saying he was busy with the wedding preparation and that to please give him so time and we will talk more when he was less busy…this never happened two weeks before his wedding i had a huge fight with him because he was ignoring eventhough i told him to at least keep contact to tell me how he us and he got very upset and told me to forget about him well after a few days i missed him and apologized but since then he was never the same and gave me one word answers so I decided to leave him alone and wished him all the best then i did nc for one week and he text me to say if I remember him and why i didn’t wish him for his wedding i gave him a one word answer then one week after he txt to ask how i was i said im ok and he said he was not bad at all and that he was living at his wife place since then I continued nc and i haven’t heard from him I loved him but cannot accept him being married to another and he has been posting photos of him and his wife looking happy together…the thing is should I keep him informed about the baby im going to have a scan in two weeks…the first scan i had i send him photos and he was happy to see his baby but that was before he got married…i know that there’s no possibility of getting him back because how he is reacting but should i keep limited contact to update him about the baby…i hope uni i dont sound pathetic….if you can reply me in private that would be nice…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 4:20 pm

      hi Meryl,

      Nope don’t update him anymore.. if he really wants to see his chils, he has to make an effort for it

  36. Isis

    June 13, 2016 at 1:56 am

    I’m 28, almost 7 mos pregnant. My 31 yr old ex knew about the surprise pregnancy since month one. At that time, we’d been dating for about 8 mos. He already has a 5-yr old with another woman who has long since moved on and married, but he supports and visits his kid, so when he found out I was pregnant, he reacted with surprise but knew he could handle another child since he cares for one already. He also valued that I was independent with a good career, financially stable which his previous gf didn’t have (plus she had 4 other kids). Initially, the first 4 mos he seemed ok, started making plans to get a new place so we can move in together and raise a family. He said he loved me, would say supportive words and tell me not to be afraid when the day comes. However, I started having mood swings, becoming impatient with how little we got to see each other (he works as a full time chef) and barely communicating about plans for the future. I became a text gnat, pushing him further away, which in turn his avoidance just made me even more stressed and feeling unsupported. He started asking if I could give him time to think things through, which I did poorly in respecting. 3 wks ago after being a text gnat again, he told me, “Now I have been nice before, but I can’t stand your millions of texts and I hate to sound cold but we’re done. Just keep me posted about (pregnancy) updates.”

    I became the worst I ever could be that night, sending begging texts, breaking down entirely, and tried to meet him after his work but he entirely avoided me. What’s worse is I contacted his parents and told them of the pregnancy, but they never knew about it and were very shocked too. A few days later my ex got very upset with me, sending me multiple texts about how it feels like I trapped him, and resentment for telling his parents when he wanted to do that with them in person (they live in another country). He texted me “that’s why I’m avoiding you, you keep trying to force things”. He wanted a paternity test too (which really hurt because he was my first too, I’m very introverted and it’s hard to get that close to anyone). My responses were short, I knew I went too far and I was too overwhelmed to start drama again. After that last exchange, I started No Contact on my own. I only sent a text about a paternity test appointment, and recently a small 2-line text about how baby is doing after my last appointment (following your column advice). He responded to my last one with a question “what’s breech?” which I couldn’t reply immediately to, then about 20 min later, he sent a “nevermind, I got it” text which I didn’t need to respond to. Paternity results will be in a few more days.

    My question is, what are the chances that he might reconsider things? Before we broke up, he was very cold, stubborn, unwavering during the moments we did converse. And I’m afraid he wouldnt care to go to check ups even after 3 wks of No Contact.

    I will purchase soon your book, so far everything I’ve read, watched vids and podcasts too, have helped me improve and heal myself (new dresses, nice maternity pictures, nails done ect.). In the end no matter what happens, I know I’ll be okay, and am blessed and excited to meet baby soon.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 11:59 am

      Hi Isis,

      actually you should do 45 day nc because of the extent of what happened..how are you now?

  37. kawaii

    June 12, 2016 at 4:07 pm

    hi I’m 27weeks of pregnant and we are in a long distance relationships right now because of his job before he is excited to have a baby to me but before we met each other I’m not the kind of girl who take a serious relationships just flirt cause I’m afraid to be hurt and i met many men and i cheated him but when I’ve realize that i can’t live without him I’ve change i become serious to him and i cant lose him ,even if i hurt him many times but he’s still there for me even if he’s friends are against us but he still choose me and at that time I’ve change already and i really love him now that I’m 27weeks pregnant it seems he’s avoiding me he deactivated his fb ,but of course he know may fb ,skype etc. last month we have a misunderstanding he said he can’t forget my past,and he can’t forgive me i ask him it’s my past and I’ve change already etc. it’s almost 2weeks he did not message me but i call he’s num.again and again so today he message me and he said sorry he can’t forgive me and forget my past ,i know he really loves me and ireally love him and i can’t live without him what should i do now so that he will forget,and forgive me to my stupid past I know i hurt him .please i need your help ….

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 10:42 am

      Hi Kawaii,

      are you following chris’ advice here?

  38. Morgan Hill

    June 6, 2016 at 10:19 am

    What if he asks you to get an abortion?
    I am 12 weeks now, but 2 weeks ago, he told me he wanted me to get an abortion. I got really upset because I’ve told him many times over I don’t believe in abortion and I’d never consider it. When I got upset about it (and cried the whole time), he basically called me stupid and said I was ruining his (and my own) life. Told me I’d be an unfit mother and I’d probably die during child birth (I have many medical conditions, none of which would effect the child’s birth). We’ve only spoken once since then, and that was for me to ask him how he feels about me and the situation (if he still loves me and wants to be involved with the child). He said he doesn’t know and was still adamant about wanting an abortion. I believe me saying no is the reason he left me, so what do I do about that? I mean, I still love him to death and want him in my life, but I feel so alone and heartbroken.
    Also, he’s 19 (20 this month) and I’m 20 (21 in October). I don’t know if that makes any difference.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 6:23 am

      HI Morgan,

      how are you now? I hope you made the decision that you really want.

  39. Charlie

    June 5, 2016 at 2:11 pm

    Hi, me again. He started to seem very disinterested in texts so I slipped into no contact for about a week. Towards the end of that week I had a prental appointment and he showed upto that. We ended up texting that day and the next about the appointments. Then out of nowhere he texted and asked if we could meet up sometime to talk. I said yes and we setup to meet the next day. He basically wanted to meet up to apologize is in person. Not just for leaving me pregnant but his entire actions throughout our relationship. We continued to talk as friends a bit of other relationship stuff, no arguments though. I ended the conversation at about an hour while we were still chatting about life. Within about an hour he texted me about a band, I responded and mentioned I had a nice time. He mentioned he felt the same. Soooo now what? We never even had a phone call before this. Do I try to build rapport?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 4:47 am

      Hi Charlie,

      slowly.. He’s just starting to open up so just continue on being interdependent and end convos in high note.

  40. Charlie

    May 25, 2016 at 7:18 pm

    Sooo I need to know if I screwed up. I have bought all three books and they have been super helpful. I’m 13 weeks pregnant with my ex’s baby. I successfully completed the no contact period. The first two times I contacted him he responded positively and quickly. Third time I used to ” memory text” like outlined in the book. He responded positive but also asked why I was being so nice to him lately. I responded that I’m a nice person haha and if he was going to be in my child’s life if I could try to be a friend of sorts. I had tried to find something about how to respond to those questions but couldn’t. We texted back and forth a couple of times then conversation ended. Do I proceed as normal and try the story next? Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2016 at 1:33 pm

      Hi Charlie,

      don’t go too fast, because I think he’s starting to think that you’re trying to get him back. And slowing down can also help to portray that you’re not available always. So, keep maintaining being happy or just optimistic for the baby. Continue with being friendly so that he’ll be more comfortable around you.

  41. Susan

    May 22, 2016 at 9:56 am

    Hi, my ex partner left me at six weeks pregnant. Prior to me being pregnant, he had stress about being unemployed and would always threaten to leave the State to find more opportunities. The pregnancy was the final straw – he left me to do this as well as wanting no involvement with the child. He even tried to encourage me to get an abortion. The first week and a half he left I ignored all communication. Then I started communicating again and he would take his time to get back to me. Anyway, the other day he decided to have an argument with me and made it clear he did not want anything to do with us. I am 10 weeks pregnant and alone. How will the ‘no contact’ rule apply now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 26, 2016 at 10:26 am

      Hi Susan,

      The baby is the first priority. So, do no contact for the both you. You have to find your own happiness. You know even healthy relationships has to have their individual priorities and character intact. If he doesn’t want you and the baby, it will be his loss.

  42. Nikki

    May 9, 2016 at 6:21 am

    Now, what if you dumped him before you realized you were pregnant? I sometimes have a habit of quiting relationships when I get stressed out and I fear with the Pregnancy hormones going crazy on top of work stress, I might have blown things out of of proportion and ended things. Now I know I’m pregnant with his baby, but he doesn’t. He did try to talk me out of it initially, but I was angry and we haven’t spoken in a month. My question is, if I am the dumper rather than the dump-ee and he doesn’t even know about the baby, how would first contact work? Do I tell him in the first message?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 9, 2016 at 12:17 pm

      Hi Nikki,

      he should the at the soonest best possible time that you can tell him.. so that whatever he’s reaction is, you can deal with it early

  43. Ashlynn

    April 19, 2016 at 4:09 pm

    My x and I are both 21. He left me at 29 weeks pregnant after being together for 2 years he said we never have worked well together and are too different (I am not outgoing, we want different things but I’m not sure what he could have meant by that) He said he still loves me, even in love with me, but he wants to focus on his business and that we should have ended things much earlier on. Towards the end he acted like his life was ruined. We met to talk about his involvement with the baby and he said it would crush him to see me with someone else and he wants to be a part of our childs life, even though his family despises me and tells him not to. He’s always been obsessed with friends I feel he is more relieved than anything to be able to go out and party without reporting to someone but a few months ago he said he wanted to marry me and be a family and he started seeming more and more uninterested. I think his family and his friends have encouraged his negative mindset I don’t know if there could be a chance I am confused by the inconsistency. I haven’t contacted him in 5 days and he hasn’t tried either. Before I get the book I want to know a professional opinion of my chances.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 21, 2016 at 10:44 am

      Hi Ashlynn,

      to be honest, it may even take longer than 30 days.. you have to be patient because it looks like he’s not ready for the responsibility.. give him space.. I know he should be involved and it’s good that you already talked it but don’t do it repetitively so he won’t feel more preasured…it has more to do with his age because 21 is still young.. it’s really the age that you would want experience a lot

  44. Ashleigh

    March 19, 2016 at 8:04 am

    Hi Chris I bought your book but just hoping you can help. I’m 5 month pregnant and my ex has been seeing his new girlfriend for the whole time I’ve been pregnant. When I found out he was seeing someone else I went crazy. I sent them messages l, I went to our old house where she was in bed with him. I’ve really made a mess of things he absolutely hates me now. I’ve made myself look an absolute pyscho. He’s coming to th 20 week scan with me in two weeks. It’s the first one he has come to. The girl he’s been seeing is in Dubai for a few month. Please please help me get him back. I think I’ve lost him forever now as I’ve pushed him so close to her but I really want him back. We were together 4 years and split up 6 month ago. I got pregnant after we broke up. He says I’ve ruined his life and that he will never ever get back with me. Please help me Chris xx

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 20, 2016 at 4:29 am

      Hi Ashleigh,

      But the truth is, he’s not worth getting back with..Let’s say he really doesn’t want to get back with you, but he could at least be supportive with the pregnancy.. We don’t encourage something that we know will not be good for you.. You said you got pregnant after you broke up, was he also already with the other girl by that time?

      And because of the child, if he’s going to be a hand on father, you will be connected for life.. So, for now focus on your pregnancy.. No to negativity.. let him be for now..Coz pushing for him and being sad whenever he rejects will not be good for the baby.. For now, be civil.

  45. K

    December 27, 2015 at 7:48 am

    Comments are hidden on this page. FYI

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 16, 2016 at 10:51 pm

      Yup, I have since fixed the issue!

  46. Vanna

    December 25, 2015 at 5:22 pm

    What if the reason he broke up with you is because you changed after you got pregnant and you were no longer the supportive and loving woman he once loved but just the opposite. Critical and naggy? And then in the end he tells you he doesn’t love you anymore but still wants to be part of the child’s life.

    I have initiated contact once, not to beg but to give an update on the pregnancy. I did take that opportunity to say some kind words and take ownership for what happened in the relationship. Have not contacted since (and he has made zero contact except to answer the update). Also this is now more than a 500 mile distance to factor in.

    What is supposed to happen here when the woman is pregnant but at fault? Surely the M.O. is a bit different.

  47. Mela

    December 4, 2015 at 4:24 am

    I should have finished this with a question but when a man leaves you pregnant and it’s actually your fault, what’s the difference in the plan?

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