By Chris Seiter

Updated on May 18th, 2021

I want you to close your eyes and imagine something.

I know it sounds super goofy but just bear with me for a moment.


Me: Do you have them closed?

You: Yes Chris…

Ok, close your eyes and imagine a perfect version of yourself.

A version of yourself that not just interests your ex boyfriend (which is what this entire article/video is about) but captivates him. Every word you mutter gives him meaning.

Every glance you cast his way sends shivers down his spine.

Hell, every time he closes his eyes the only woman he sees is you.

He misses you deeply.

Does this sound too good to be true?

Well, that’s probably because for most women it is.

But you’re not most women.

No, you are special because you are a member of this site and one thing that has been proven consistently over time is that members of this site are given the tools to captivate their ex boyfriends.

And that’s what I am going to do for you.

I am going to give you four tools that you can use, right here, right now to make your ex boyfriend interested in you.

My Four Step Method For Making An Ex Boyfriend Interested In You

So, What Exactly Are These Four Steps?

Oh! Hello There!

So, you want to learn how to make your ex boyfriend interested in you.

Well, you came to the right place.

Hey there! Chris Seiter here from Ex Boyfriend Recovery and today I’m going to teach you my simple four step method for fascinating your ex boyfriend and making him interested in you so you can rebuild the attraction that you need to rebuild in order to get him back.

Now, I realized some of you maybe sitting there thinking:


“Yeah, Chris we already know like everything we need to know about like rebuilding attraction and everything like that.”

Well, if that’s truly the case then why are you here? The truth is I’m going to give you a really simple four step game plan that can work on not just your ex boyfriend but any man out there.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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The four steps are as follows:

Step 1: Preparation

Now, I’m not going to lie to you. Preparation is key not only in getting your ex boyfriend back but in learning how to re-attract him.

Mark Twain once said,

twain speech

“It usually takes me a good three weeks for a good impromptu speech.”

Preparation is key in order to re-attract or interest your ex boyfriend. One of the biggest mistakes that I see women continually make on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is not having  a plan. And what’s worse is the women who do have a plan, don’t stick to it.

So, make sure that if you want to re-attract your ex, that you have a solid game plan in place.

Luckily for you, that’s what this video/article is for.

Step 2: Slight of hand

Now, I can see how it would be easy to confuse this with the simple card trick or something like that but that doesn’t have anything to do with what I’m about to teach you. Politicians often use slight of hand when they’re asked very difficult questions that get them off topic.

For example, let’s pretend that good old Mark Twain asks me a very difficult question.

Mean Twain


Mark Twain: “So, my dear old chap. What’s the square root of 55 hahaha?!”


Me: “You know Mark, that is an excellent question. It reminded me of this crazy story I heard the other day where this clown was walking down the street and…”

Now, do you see what I did there?

I took the really bad Mark Twain impersonator’s question and deflected it into something that I wanted to talk about.

This is conversational slight of hand.

In other words, I take a question that has nothing to do with what I want to talk about and flip it over to talk about what I want to talk about.

I basically answered the question I wished I was asked.

Now, you maybe sitting there wondering,

“Well, how does that even apply to rebuilding attraction or keeping my ex boyfriend interested in me?”

Well, it will make sense later but first we have to cover the next two steps of the “fascinate” game plan.

Step 3: Aikido


Aikido is a Japanese martial arts that really revolves around three factors.

Factor 1: Decide your own mood. You can always be in a good mood when you are talking to your ex.
Factor 2: Redirect anything negative to become positive. It sounds a lot like step 2 which was the conversational slight of hand.
Factor 3: Remain calm at all times.

So, what I’ve done now is given you three very confusing steps.

Be prepared, master conversational slight of hand and Aikido but what do these have to do with getting your ex back or re-attracting him?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Well, that’s where step four comes into play.

Step 4: Logic and Rhetoric

You see, the ancient Greek philosophers really had it right.

They determined that expert communication really revolves around two things: logic and rhetoric.

But what is logic and rhetoric?

Well, logic is essentially getting the facts right.

Saying something and getting it right but rhetoric goes into so much more detail. It’s essentially telling the facts in such a convincing manner that it has a maximum impact.

Take a movie like the Titanic for example. Can you imagine if I just walked up on stage and said this?


“Uhm, so, uh, yeah The Titanic. Uh, ship went out to sea. Hit an ice berg and people died.”

Pretty boring right? Well with the rehetoric, we essentially take those same facts but tell them in a much more convincing manner like this:


“Oh my god! Jack save me! I’m drowning!”


“Hmm.. you know what? After second thought, I think I’ll pass on saving you Rose. If I save you, I might die an icy death at the bottom of the ocean. So, see ya!”

Wait, that’s not how that movie went…

Now, do you see how much more powerful it is to combine redirect and logic as opposed to just relying on logic?

Of course there is still one problem. We really haven’t combined all 4 steps yet.

I mean what the heck is going on? Why would you need to prepare when essentially all you really need to understand is logic and redirect? Or in other words how to be really good at rhetoric?

Combining The Four Steps

Well, here’s what I want you to do.

Take out a pen and paper right now.

We’re going to start with step one. I want you to prepare as much as possible.

Prepare a story and figure out the facts you want to tell with the story and then figure out how to get the most out of those facts from maximum value. In other words, tell a story that combines logic and rhetoric.

Prepare it before hand.

Of course, that’s where step two comes in.

Nothing ever goes according to plan. Especially when you prepare ahead of time. You have to understand that you have to have contingency plans. And that’s where conversational slight of hand can come into play. There’s no guarantee that you’re going to get the perfect segway into talking about the story that you want to talk about but with conversational slight of hand or basically answering the question that you wished you were asked, you can have that perfect segway to tell this amazing story that combines logic and redirect.

But then how does step three come into play? -Aikido.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Well, the task is daunting enough.

You’ve prepared.

You understand that nothing will go according to plan a 100% of the time and you have your contingency for that–the conversational slight of hand.

Well, now it’s time to become zen. To become one with yourself, to remain calm and understand that you are going to turn any negative thing that happens into a positive thing.

Once you combine all four of these things: preparation, aikido, logic, rhetoric and finally conversational slight of hand, you’re not only going to have the tools to fascinate your ex boyfriend. You’re going to have the tool to fascinate any man in the world.

dark side
What’s up? I’m Chris Seiter’s dark side or “suave” side, I guess you could say.

Anyways, he asked me to come out here to plug his dumb website

Apparently he’s got some quiz he wants you to take there. It can like tell you your chance of getting your ex back.

Anyways, yeah, so check that out when you get a chance and peace out!

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48 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Interested In You”

  1. Chelsi

    November 28, 2019 at 7:43 am

    Hi! I need help! My ex and dated for 4 months 3 of the 4 months we had argued on and off. Over silly things. Eventually he broke up with me I did 30 NC and I never reached out at all. But niether did he! No even a peep! At the end of the NC last week or so he deleted my number off whatsapp. I had a good first contact conversation but he still hasn’t re-added my number on WA. How do I read this situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 28, 2019 at 9:42 pm

      Hey Chelsi so you did well to get the positive conversation done. But what you may find is you need to reach out a few times before you get him adding your number and reaching out to you first

  2. Lucy

    September 10, 2017 at 10:27 am

    Hi Amor,

    i was dating a guy for less than two months and he went on holiday for just over two weeks. During that time our conversations were great and we were able to sustain the attraction for each other. But during the last week or so of his holiday, things started to become a bit messy. we organised to meet two days after he arrived back from his holiday but on the day before we were meant to meet, he didnt text me at all and kept quiet. then on the day of the date he messaged me. but i freaked out because i didnt feel like i had a sense of security but i couldnt tell him that. instead i kept quiet the whole day and flaked on him. i then told him at the end of the day that i wasnt sure. the following day, i messaged him saying that i had to see my friend before she went on holiday for a month which he was ok with but very upset. during the rest of the day the conversation was very tumultuous, he then eventually said he didnt want to talk to me again and deleted my number. i called him twice and we had a small argument through text. we were then meant to meet up the following day and talk things through but he cancelled and told me he felt nothing which i assume he was just saying out of anger. i then told him i wasn’t going to contact to him anymore and wished him well even though it was hurting me inside. i felt like things could of gone really well with him but i messed up. During the short period we dated, he had become very invested in me and had begun to make lots of lifestyle changes just so that he could better himself for me. he also took the time to get to know me and would always ask me questions which i really appreciated. whats more, during our dates he showed very strong signs of attraction and would always make time for me in his busy schedule. do you think he will come back after no contact or have i completely messed up.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2017 at 12:50 pm

      Hi lucy,

      Give it a week.. If he doesn’t initiate contact after that week, start the count of at least two weeks nc

  3. Miss troubled

    June 24, 2017 at 7:32 am

    So I caved and didn’t last the whole no contact. Actually I only lasted 12 days. I contacted my ex and did get a positive reply and now I’m wondering what now? Have I messed it up because I caved and stopped NC. I’m really struggling being apart from him and having no contact with him whatsoever.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 28, 2017 at 5:24 pm

      How are you now? Are you still talking?

  4. Annee

    January 17, 2017 at 2:48 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Am a regular reader of ur site and i have great faith in whatever you say..
    so the situation am facing right now is a little problematic… see..i applied no contact or my ex boyfriend… and i think am really doing good..but recently he posted a picture with a girl i used to hate .(23rd day of no contact),,.he knows very well i dont like her..and the next he blocked me on whatsapp…but not on other social sites…i dnt understand why he did so ? …is he doing so because he wants a reaction from me or what… so close to completing my no contact rule…i dont want to ruin my chances of getting him back…please help..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 17, 2017 at 8:37 pm

      Hi Annee,

      yup, dont react..just let him be..

  5. Gwen

    December 22, 2016 at 2:35 pm

    Hi Amor,

    (Something happened to my comment and the way I see the site so I don’t know if I submited it or not. Sorry if I’m commenting the same thing twice…)

    I’ve been using the advices here for months and it all really worked really well for me. I got him to talk to me again, to chase me and finally to tell me he still was feeling something for me. It’s a complicated situation because we are long distance and we can’t see each other very often and in another comment I made some time ago you told me to think if it was worth it that I had to think about it… But after that everything with him went very very well, he told me he loves me and he changed his mind, he told me that he doesn’t care about the distance because he realized I’m the girl he wants to be with and the only one for him and in time I wanna move to his city, I can’t right now but in a future I will and well we are still young so he told me he wants to wait for me and try to be together. So everything was alright for months. But some days ago I screwed it 🙁 I got very jealous of one of his friends and we had a horrible argument then he showed me she knows about me and she even has given him advice to be with me… So yeah I really messed everything up 🙁 The next day I apologyzed and told him I was sorry that I made a mistake but I trust him and I don’t want him to think that I don’t. He told me there’s no problem, that he wants to be with me anyway and he’s not angry anymore. However, he’s being cold with me when we talk, I don’t know if I just have to let things flow naturally, like aplying the tide theory again, until he starts being the same and cute with me. What I’m doing is using mirroring with my texts and always being in a good mood, I’m trying not to be very avaliable and all of that but he’s still cold, I mean he’s acting like he’s alright with me but we just seem like friends the way he texts me, he isn’t as cute as before and also I’ve seen he has started following girls on his social media, so I’m afraid he wants to meet new girls now. I don’t wanna look crazy so I haven’t talked with him about those girls he followed ( and btw I know he doesn’t know those girls, they are not just friends ) I haven’t told him anything because I don’t want him to think I am paranoic and jealous again (actually I am very jealous) but I don’t want him to know so I’m just keeping everything to myself. He’s supposed to come and visit me in two weeks and it’s the first time I’m seeing him since he broke up with me. So… What should I do to re-recover him? Just tide theory and being in a good mood or should I do something else? Because I see this a bit difficult, it’s not the same as when he didn’t know what I was feeling so I could play so he chased me easier than now… What should I do?

    1. Gwen

      December 25, 2016 at 3:04 pm

      Ok i’ll try it
      thank you Amor

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2016 at 11:35 am

      you’re welcome

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 24, 2016 at 7:31 am

      Hi Gwen,

      just be less available, less initiating. Try the advice above and if he comes, then have fun

  6. Steph

    November 11, 2016 at 5:06 am

    Hi, my ex and I were together for almost 4 years and I was his first serious relationship. He’s a strong believer in cutting off all ties after break up but I’ve recently reconnected with him via texts after 1.5 years of NC. At first he was really against continuing the conversation, but after I persisted for 5 months, he now seems much more open to keeping our conversations ongoing via texting. However he’s rejecting the idea of phone calls or meet ups. I casually suggested that we could get some coffee once and he said he didn’t want to, and that it would be awkward. I’ve also caught up with some of his friends recently (I previously cut ties with them post-break up too), and according to them, my ex said he’s fine if they wanted to meet up with me, but he’s not going to. It took me 5 months to get our conversation flowing like aquaintances. How do I get him more interested in me to want to see me in person?

    1. Steph

      November 11, 2016 at 5:17 am

      I thought I might also add that we didn’t have a bad break up. It was fairly mutual, I wanted to settle down and he wasn’t ready.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 14, 2016 at 7:43 pm

      Hi Steph,

      you’ve been texting for 5 months already? It’s time to move on, because by this time he should have been more comfortable with you but it looks like he knows what you want to happen

  7. maria

    October 26, 2016 at 1:49 pm

    I’m 33 years old and here is my story from which I really want to figure out what is that I’m doing wrong that makes all men leave. I dated this guy for a month. We’ve known each other for years now and would meet only in group gatherings. I always kinda liked him, but we were always in and out of relationships with other people. This summer I met him at my friend’s house and we talked for hours, it was super fun. I went home and forgot about it. Month later he contacted me and asked me out. What the hell, why not. So I went. The date went really well and I ended up at his place. We spent the next two days together and he asked if I want to go to our mutual friends wedding next weekend. I accepted. I really started to like this guy and he seemed interested to get to know me. Everything went well, but few weeks later I noticed that he was starting to pull away. All of a sudden he didn’t have time to meet and our dates became shorter and somewhat colder. Last time we were together he was coming home from a trip and we had plans to go to the concert together. He went with his friends and met me at the club, it was really awkward. Later we talked and he told me that he doesn’t want me to wait for him (he’s constantly travelling because of his work) and that he doesn’t want me to have hopes that we will be anything more than this. I was devastated but didn’t show it. Turns out that everything was just sex even though it didn’t at all seem like it in the beginning. All I can think of is that he liked me but didn’t fall in love, or he lost his attraction to me somewhere along the way. After that we kissed and I went home. He went on a trip and we haven’t talked in two weeks. I contacted him today and he was polite but he showed no interest to see me whatsoever. He is in town now and going for another trip in 10 days. And it’s important to mention that I think he found someone else who wasn’t here when we “broke up”, he met the girl on his last trip. I’m not sure, but I think there is something going on.
    Now, I’d like to know if there is any chance to gain back his attraction or this is completely lost cause? I have no intention to contact him in recent future and any advice from you guys would be very helpful. This is not the first situation that men suddenly lose attraction when I start to like them. And I’m not acting needy. I really have no idea, but I like this guy and we had such a good time together. Can’t believe it was all for nothing.
    Thank you in advance!

    1. maria

      November 2, 2016 at 1:04 pm

      I went there and stayed overnight and the next day we’ve spent together. After that I went home and we met again the day after that and spent the whole day together. Sorry I didn’t explain well. 🙂

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 3, 2016 at 4:09 pm

      ah.. You asked what might have went wrong..I’m not sure what exactly went wrong in the relationship, but staying overnight and then seeing each other again for a whole day after a first date means you invest too much too soon. It was too fast and too much.. Yeah, he might have liked it too but it has an effect on how he sees you.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 28, 2016 at 2:24 pm

      HI Maria,

      I just want ask to make it clear, did you mean you went to his place on the first date and stayed there for two days?

  8. Amy

    October 13, 2016 at 6:15 pm


    There was no need for me to initiate contact because after no contact, HE was the one who re contacted me. He makes effort to talk to me every day which (i guess) is positive.. However, I do know he’s playing games with me. For example, being in a conversation then reading and ignoring my message for long periods of time.. i can see he’s online but just ignoring me. I find it difficult to end conversations first, because the last few days he’s been the one to do so. He also seems to make less effort to talk at the weekend which bothers me.

    I don’t really like game playing because it makes me really anxious, so is there any way I can turn this around so I feel like i’m in more control?

    1. Amy

      October 14, 2016 at 9:35 am

      Yes, I thought he was! Is there anything else I can do as well?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 14, 2016 at 4:41 pm

      don’t forget yourself. Don’t forget improving, going out and being with other people..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2016 at 8:59 pm

      Hi Amy,

      well, you really have to be the one to end the conversation at high point if you want to be more in control.. He basically is doing what you should be doing..

  9. Meg

    October 5, 2016 at 6:39 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up about a little over a month ago. He was my first love and I was his. We were so great together and then I got really depressed and brought him down. It really hurt him to see me sad but he said he had to make a decision for himself. I am a lot better and got the help that I needed and have been so happy and really doing well. I really want him back in my life but he is afraid things would end up the way they used to. How do I make him know that they wont end up the same way and that I was sick and not myself. We were together for 2 plus years and I really think that he is the one. We are each others best friends and I know he still love me. He says he wishes we could be together but that he thinks we would just fall back into a bad path, even though I know that wouldn’t happen. How do I make him see that I am different than I was?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 7, 2016 at 3:39 pm

      Hi Meg,

      by stopping on trying to convince him and just being different. Stop chasing and start living your own life.. That way, if he sees you’re independent, there’s a higher chance that he will think you have changed.

  10. becky

    September 21, 2016 at 7:56 am

    about a month ago my boyfriend broke up with me… now we had a great relationship, i mean amazing we were each others best friends, we were passionate and we were both in love, we never fought because we communicated so well and I never thought id meet anyone like him. My boyfriend, however was middle way through his second last year of a masters degree in engineering, and constantly studying, like would sleep at his uni studying! that combined with his sports, friends and job all became a bit too much for him as he was someone who has to do everything perfect! and unfortunately he decided to let me go…. now he has said to me that “it could definitely happen in the future, just not now” because of the things going on in his life at the moment, he has also said he does miss me a bit but he is content with his decision . we decided to stay friends, but I’m scared that if i waited a year for him, he would have moved on by then! HOW CAN I MAKE HIM WANT ME BACK! how can i make him see that I’m not worth loosing!? i’ve got the guide to getting your ex back, but I’m not sure if i should do the no contact or how to go about it, since I’m already in the friend zone! HELP ME PLEASEEE

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 22, 2016 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Becky,

      Uh, I don’t understand Becky.. You’re not sure doing no contact because you’re already friendzoned, so there’s a thought in you that staying friends would make him regret losing you?

  11. Amanda

    September 12, 2016 at 12:48 am


    I broke up with my boyfriend around 10 months ago. We did the NC rule at first but after a couple of months he texts me to come over and ended up sleeping together. Now for the next few months we wouldn’t be in touch for a few weeks but then he’d text again and we would hang out for a day or two and end up sleeping with each other again. This happens every month. Last week after another 3 weeks of no contact we went to Vegas together that we’ve planned a few months prior. I have a guy that’s courting me and he has a new girl he’s going after that he’s completely smitten by. He tells me that he’s changed and that he wasn’t the depressed, angry guy he used to be. Kept comparing me to this new girl and told me I should move on and let go cause we’ll never get back together. Also that he never loved me. We talked for a bit more and I told him my annoyance over him comparing me to this other girl and that he should stop talking to me about her but he wouldn’t. Anyway, we had an amazing amazing time that whole weekend and it made me fall in love with him again. After the weekend I texted him to ask him to give me a chance but he said our relationship was shit. So I told him to block me and he doesn’t want to. Do I still even have a chance with this guy? Unfortunatley he’s a sociopath who likes the chase and only remembered the bad stuff from our relationship and all I can remember were the good stuff. He also blamed me for everything that went wrong with us.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 13, 2016 at 5:52 pm

      Hi Amanda,

      I’m going to assume that’s he’s not really a sociopath and that’s just your figure of your speech..

      You have to remove yourself from the image of being his booty call. You have to have your own life. Never sleep with him again unless you’re really together. Don’t sleep with him when he comes running to you when they have relationship problems. Do not lower your value.

      Read this one: How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him
      and this one too:
      What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

      If he is really a sociopath, then run girl.. don’t put yourself in danger

  12. June

    September 11, 2016 at 1:21 am

    Amor… I dunno how I should feel now. First after the nc we got back into talking terms. It was great, I mean it feels great cause we both have sorta a balance portion of conversations. But these few days he’s been starting to be quite distant to me. Whenever he thinks he’s not gonna see me, out of no where he will drop a few Facebook tags and snapchats me. I didn’t want to be always the conversation starter. But starting two days ago, everything stops. His friend told me he’s been tinder-ing girls, and plans to meet them up next week. Idk what to do now, he stops looking at my snapchat story even if he posted something which is abnormal of him, I felt these subtle changes even before his friend told me. I don’t know what to do, I felt like doing my best is already useless when he stop looking in my way…. What should I do Amor… Should I start mini nc again? I feel like shit being emotionally affected by him, part of me understands that this situation will come sooner or later. But I just didn’t expect it because he said he still loves me but doesn’t have the heart to continue, then why is he hanging out with so many other girls and tinder dates… I just don’t understand how can he do that, I tinder too but I just couldn’t open my heart. Do I have no chance with my ex now?

    1. June

      September 12, 2016 at 2:38 pm

      Yea I can tell he’s trying to move on… He’s been posting photos with girls, posting selfies of himself and gain a lot of attention… Idk, these seems to me like he wants to move on entirely, so what if he moves on completely and I lose my chance completely even if I’ve been improving myself? How can I make him notice me? If he doesn’t want to 🙁

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2016 at 1:26 pm

      if he moves on completely that means you have to take it as a restart.. Starting over as friends and not as improved version from the previous relationship to continue the previous relationship

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 12:58 pm

      Maybe he feels guilty talking to while he’s tindering other girls. I think he’s at that cross roads that he’s moving on, he wants to move on but he still has feelings for you and because of that he can’t have a restart. If I were in your shoes, the best I can do is to just give him space and that when he initiates, make the conversations fun so that you always leave good impressions on him

  13. Wum

    September 5, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    My ex called it quits with me in April, and after the initial pleading I decided to go the NC way. We work together so it’s actually hard. I know he still loves me but he doesn’t want to get into a relationship with me. We used to have intense fight and tons of drama which caused d break up. He would say he still loves me but needs to stick to his decision. But yet he would always want to hug me at work for any little work successes. He would always want to steal a kiss. Tricked me into bringing some docs to his house and cajoled me into having sex with him. I convinced myself that that’s all I wanted and we did that for another month before we had another fight on his birthday in August. Fight was work related but he thinks I’m being emotional. Told his guys it was me who pulled him back into the sexual relationship. There and then I decided to move on completely. Yet I see the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not looking. He isn’t seeing anyone seriously to the best of my knowledge. I have stuck to keeping our interactions at work for the last one month and done a good job. Today I had to go give him some docs to sign and as I was leaving his home , he grabbed and long story short we had sex. We have always been like that. We r so attracted to each other. But truly I realized I didn’t want the on/off sex only relationship, so when I got home and even though I know I would miss him and the sex, I sent him a text that I wasn’t down for the sex stuff anymore even tho I find him desirable but I want more and since he doesn’t which I respect, I would rather we stick to just work stuff. He said ‘ok. I am so sorry’ . Amor, where do I go from here ? He feels something I’m sure and I do for him to. But I totally don’t want to be the one trying to make him see that. And I deserve better.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 6, 2016 at 5:31 pm

      Hi Wum,

      so, he’s not recommitting because he’s afraid the relationship would go back to the way it was before? He’s still attracted but he doesn’t want the fighting anymore. And now, that you have slept many times, he likes that more. Benefits without the dramatic stuff. So, first, stick to not having sex until you’re back together. Second let things flow slowly. Build your friendship with again. Be friends first again but don’t be too available. When he approaches to talk, have a good talk and then do your own thing.

  14. Sarah

    September 2, 2016 at 8:09 pm

    Hi 🙂
    I broke up with my ex 9 months ago. We were each others first love, and i was his first girlfriend, and we were together for 4 years. I did NC and we saw each other a few times afterwards, but things didn’t work out.

    Now 3 months after i decided to move on with my life, he recently got back in touch with me saying that he wasn’t over me. I thought i had moved on, so i agreed to meet to see if we could be friends.

    He showed me his new place, the new area in which he lived and said that he wasn’t over me. We talked about our break up and we both genuinely apologized, most of the night we were spent laughing and joking with each other. One thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. He was very emotional and caring, and he slept with his arms wrapped tightly around me.

    The next day he kept asking if i had missed him, and he kept kissing me and hugging me gently. Telling me that he was sorry about what happened. But he also said that he finds it a bit surreal and weird, almost as though he’s been asleep for serveral months and he’s just woken up. But then he would suddenly say that i broke his heart, and become quite depressive. He also kept making excuses for me to stay with him longer and didn’t want me to leave.

    Now I would say that i love him, but I’m not ‘in’ love with him any more. I can’t do the whole friends with benefits thing, and i really don’t want to hurt him again. I genuinely do care about him. So i asked him what he wants to happen between us, that i won’t sleep with him again until we’ve discussed everything. But he refuses to discuss what he wants, and says that he doesn’t like questions.

    So I’m left feeling really confused. I would like to see if we can make something new between us over time, slowly, but i don’t know how to move forward now. Do you have any advice on what I should do next?

    Thank you! x

    1. Sarah

      September 3, 2016 at 11:27 am

      Hi Amor,

      You’re right. He’s not said that he wants to commit to me, but with all of his past messages and the way he’s said he wished we had never broken up I’m left feeling confused. He keeps bringing up our past and saying that he’s missed being a couple. That i should know what he wants, but I’m being difficult by asking where we go from here.
      I’m not sure how I feel about him. I know i care more for him than i would as a friend, and there’s still an attraction there.
      I just can’t open myself to him again when I’m unsure of if he’s stringing me along for sex or not.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 4, 2016 at 4:13 pm

      honestly I dont know what to say because you said you dont want to hurt him but he’s not even asking you back, so it’s not like you’re going to hurt him if you dont get back wih him because he doesnt even want to get back with you.. 😐

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 3, 2016 at 10:27 am

      Hi Sarah,

      Correct me if I’m wrong.. You’re not inlove with him anymore and you dont want to be friends with benefits and he’s not saying you should get back together.. so that means all he wants is to be friends with benefits?

      And you want to try a relationship even if you’re not inlove with him because you dont want to hurt him?

      but he’s not saying he wants to commit right?

  15. Emma

    September 2, 2016 at 8:30 am

    Hi Amor,
    I broke up about 6 months ago. Did NC and reinitiated contact etc. My ex attempted to have a FwB situation. I said I won’t sleep with him or anyone casually. He then tried to friend zone me and said a relationship won’t work out as we are too different. So I reverse friend zoned him as Chris suggested. Asked him for dating advice, makeup advice etc. While asking for dating advice I asked him about this one guy who is interested in something serious with me and sees marriage and kids down the line but I told my ex I was unsure if I should date him etc. My ex then started being very interested. We went of a few dates. Even a romantic dinner. We started sleeping in the same bed (as before) but ofcouse we don’t have sex. We do kiss and cuddle and hold hands but he never pushed me for sex yet. I was just wondering if my ex is still trying for a FwB situation or is he doing this because he is jealous of the serious guy I am thinking of dating (in which case I should probably pull back a bit)? Or should I continue seeing him as we are doing now without having sex?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 2, 2016 at 5:48 pm

      Hi Emma,

      that’s a big progress.. Continue seeing him but don’t be too be available. Don’t let go of the activities you started during nc.. The moment he feels you’re still hung up on him, he will get comfortable. Go out with friends, and then rest from texting him for a day.. Continue having fun and being great apart from him. Make the dates fun always, better if you leave at high point. Leave him wanting more..

  16. ester

    September 2, 2016 at 1:53 am


    I just know him recently and only go with him for few dates. He told me he like me and so do I.
    but because of few situation, He feel that I and Him not match together, because both of us is stubborn.

    He ignore me and doesnt want to reply my message.

    I did no contact, and after one month, I text him, and he now reply my text.
    but he just reply with short and polite message, like.. thank you.. or hahaha..
    he not initiate any conversation.

    what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 2, 2016 at 3:34 pm

      HI Ester,

      how long were you dating before? ANd how much did you improve during the last month? Are you still continuing to do that?

  17. Sara

    September 1, 2016 at 12:13 pm

    We broke up about 2 months ago. I did no contact. I know that it was to fast, but I met with my ex. We was really resentful, I think that he found out that I wanted to show my better version. In meantime I blocked him on facebook, because i had a big need to check his profile constantly. A few days ago I unblock him, just to see what’s happening on his wall. Yesterday he wrote me and asked me why I did it. I told him that it was better for me but right now I don’t care about it and I don’t want to be with him anymore. He told me that if this can help me with letting go then it’s ok. I blocked him again, because I don’t want to hurt myself by looking at his profile.
    How should I behave now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 2:59 pm

      Hi Sara,

      restart the count and then just focus in improving yourself.. Be active in posting in social media even if you blocked him.

  18. kim

    September 1, 2016 at 11:08 am

    This article was really helpful for me because I I’m not really good at having a conversation. I was wondering though if you could write an article about getting your ex boyfriends (who you met on vacation btw) back after 2 or 3 years being apart. Especially because in 2 or 3 years a lot of things can change (not a LDR anymore, more experience, othrr boy- and girlfriends, …). However after 3 years you are a stranger to him….so it seems more diffcult to me.
    Just consider my suggestion if you don’t know what to write about 😉

    1. EBR Team Member: Ashley

      September 11, 2016 at 6:16 pm

      Thank you SO MUCH for the suggestion! It may not cover the exact situation you’ve laid out; there were a LOT of factors in there. But I’ll keep this in mind when I’m coming up with new and exciting content for you all.

      Thanks again!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 2:57 pm