How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t. We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him get back with you I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have.

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

Here Is The Truth

It is impossible to guarantee that you can get a previous boyfriend back 100% of the time. However, it is possible to significantly raise your chances. The keyword there being SIGNIFICANTLY and before you get all argumentative I have seen the tactics outlined on this page work time and time again. It isn’t necessarily a fast process but there is proof out there to back up the claims being made.

But First..

Getting your ex back is going to be tough. This page, while amazingly detailed, won’t have every single step that you will need to successfully get him back. It is such a complicated process that even the 10,000 words on this page can’t cover everything you need to know. I have been running this site for quite some time and get an incredible amount of emails and comments every single day. Each person wants me to give them a detailed step by step plan that they can follow to get their ex back. The fact of the matter is that it is such a complex process that I really can’t give you everything you need in a post, email, comment or Facebook chat.

Don’t worry though, I saw this problem and spent two months creating that step by step plan people were clamoring for. It took me 20,000 words but I finally did it! I highly recommend you check it out if you get a chance. Click the link below!

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

What This Page Is About

relationship infographic

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

Here are some of the things that will be covered:

  • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  • Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back
  • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex
  • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
  • What To Do & What Not To Do
  • What To Do If He Cheated On You
  • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
  • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
  • How To Define Your Dating Goals

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

The No Contact Rule

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we do any soul searching or serious strategizing you are going to have to implement the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it. Remember above when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is done for two reasons.

First

Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.

Second

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.

IMPORTANT:

He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Special Cases Where You Have To Contact During No Contact

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

What Caused The Breakup?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On Men

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

He Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks. I feel for you but don’t worry we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex gave you for the break up is really why they broke up with you. This may sound a bit mean but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.

Cheating:

(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

You Broke Up With Him?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

You don’t feel attracted to him anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

There was a big fight and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goal

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

  • Saying you will die without him.
  • That he’s your whole life.
  • You’ll never find someone better.
  • Your not happy alone.
  • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Re-Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

  • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking or writing your ex boyfriend.
  • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
  • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
  • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
  • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

  • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
  • Staying home and not going out.
  • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
  • Making big life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend ;) .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Physical Changes You Can Make:

You can change your hairstyle- I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

Get in shape- There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

Clean up your diet- Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

Mental Changes You Can Make:

Focus on work- It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

Renew a hobby- I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

Have fun- If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)

jealous-girl

This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

Your Means Of Contact

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

The Phone

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkerish and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.

Texting

Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

The Game Plan

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Lets take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.

First Contact Text Message 

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big No-No’s

  • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

  • You have to be positive
  • You have to be confident
  • Again, don’t expect anything.
  • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
  • The messages can’t be too long.
  • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts

One Word Texts-

“hey…”

“Hello”

“What’s Up”

“Hi”

You get the gist here I hope.

GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts

For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:

“Thxs”
“Great”
“Interesting”

Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

Remembering The Good Times

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

Big No-No’s

  • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”

or

Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

How To Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. That is a certainty. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

The Rules

  • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
  • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
  • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

The Heart To Heart Conversations

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

Important Things To Remember

  • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

Taking THE Risk

taking-risk

Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

Guidelines For The Call

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
NEVER CALL MORE THAN ONCE A DAY.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

Two Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Beg,
Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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5,301 Responses to How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  1. drunkenlove
    March 4, 2015 | 3:06 am

    Hi, me and my ex went out for 3 years.we were madly in love with each other and then after 3 years i found out that he been sending nudes to other people and receiving them. I got upset and said i would break up. He said he was sorry and said he needed me in his life and to give him a chance. I did give it chances. During those time i was hurt so i was making it hard for him to make me happy again. He tried alot. We did have fights about how i am not contributing to this relationship and my response was that he screwed it up so he needs to treat me better. We broke up a month ago and i went to another city to see my friends. I did hook up with 2 guys when i was interstate but it was solely because i was hurt. I came back to our hometown. It had been a month. I missed hhim so much and just couldnt bear the fact that we wont be in my life anymore. So i begged him to take me back i cried and i did endless amount of things. He finally said he is willing but he wants to take things slow. I was honest with him before that i kissed other guys during our breakup and he said he kissed another person too. It hurt me alot but i cant be a hypocrite. However a week went by and i wanted to make him feel special by sending all this loving msgs. He just seemed so distant and cold. Later the other day i opened up to him and he ssaid he was angry that i didnt contact him much during the month of our breakup. And he said it cant go back to the same because he doesnt feel the same way about me anymore. Like he doesnt get excited when i text him or when i see him or kiss him. I am devastated. He cried as well and said he wants me in his life still. Probably he is purposing to be friends. But i said i cant do that and i just couldnt stop crying. I need him back and i want him back because i just know i wont get another one like him. please help me.

    • admin
      March 5, 2015 | 8:34 pm

      I think you just need to find a way to restart his feeling a bit…

      It will take time though… Like it could take up to a year in some cases.

  2. Rachel
    March 4, 2015 | 12:14 am

    My boyfriend of almost 6 months broke up with me 4 days ago. I was completely blindsided by it. He said that our relationship was 99% great, but that 1% was missing for him. We never fought and always had a great time with one another. Our chemistry was on point. The only issue was the fact that we kept our emotions suppressed and ended up having somewhat of a superficial bond. When he broke up with me he said that he wanted an organic connection, one that was deep, and that it was just a gut feeling he had that things wouldn’t work in the long run. At that point, I poured out my heart to him. I told him all the things I’d been feeling, but hadn’t been able to say before. I told him that I loved him (because I truly do).

    The last that I’ve heard from him was in an email and he basically said that those were the nicest words anyone has ever said to him, but unless his gut changes, he has to stand by his feelings. In his closing of the email he said for me to ‘stay strong and understand that the right decisions are sometimes the hardest’.

    Is there any hope of me winning him back? I feel like I don’t have a clear understanding of what he wants or what went wrong for him. If it was a deeper connection that he needed, I showed him that I was ready to give that to him and I have still not heard anything in return other than what was in his email I described above.

    Please help. I know in my heart that he is “the one” because I have never been able to open my heart to someone so freely until now.

    • admin
      March 5, 2015 | 8:30 pm

      Sure there is hope.

      I think NC would do wonders for you.

      Also, I think creating a deeper emotional connection after NC is up would serve you well too.

  3. carly
    March 3, 2015 | 11:29 am

    My ex (of almost 2 years) and I broke up for the third time last Monday (8 days ago). The first breakup was me and the last two were his choice. When he left the first time I begged him back for almost a month and honestly that was the biggest mistake. I should have given us time to heal before jumping right back into it a month later. This time the past 8 days I have been going back and forth saying okay I’ll give you space to drunk texting him that I have a bunch of guys on my new tinder if they want me how come he doesn’t. We had sex yesterday and had a plan to give it two weeks where we see if we can work things out but then he flip flopped and said that it wasn’t a good idea and then when I did the whole drunk text about tinder thing he told me that I proved to him that we just aren’t mature enough to be in this relationship anymore. I apologized for trying to make him jealous and admitted people do stupid things when they’re hurt and he said he understood and that he just wants us to have a peaceful split. I asked if he saw us getting back together and he said not in the near future but no one can be certain because he saw how my parents divorced and then found each other 10 years later so he says never say never. My question is I think your plan would have worked if I would have just given him the space he wanted 8 days ago… Did I screw it up by texting him so much these past 8 days or if I start the 30 day no contact thing now can it still work? Also, we have a college class together so we have to sit beside each other once a week. He said that he still wants to be friendly and wants me to find happiness and he says he still loves me but he doesn’t want to fight anymore and I also think his friends don’t help because they don’t want him to be in a relationship when they’re all single. Please give me some advice!

    • carly
      March 3, 2015 | 11:31 am

      I also should mention we needed to end our relationship because we were fighting about everything but I just feel like a break away from each other is all we need.

    • admin
      March 3, 2015 | 10:08 pm

      Nc can still work.

      In fact, that’s what it’s kind of there for.

  4. Kitty
    March 2, 2015 | 10:52 pm

    Hi Chris, my ex bf really came back asking me for dinner. But I rejected and very slow in replying him and he just throw his temper on me again said now that he wants to work out the relationship but I am half hearted. And blame me for not replying etc. I told him that let’s stop talking about the passed since we are now frds and have moved on. He got angrier and then reply me good for me and like forget it and he sounds pissed off and stop texting. Anyway I just feel that after this 2 mths I realised he is not the guy I want and he is not reliable, just want me to be around whenever he wants to come back. It’s really bad and I deserve someone who appreciate me more. But I’m happy now at least in the end i’m the one who walk away and leave him let him know that i wont be there as and when he want so he will remember me! Do u think after a few weeks he will come back to texting me again?

    • admin
      March 3, 2015 | 9:44 pm

      He actually came back to you and you turned him away?

      Why?

      • Kitty
        March 3, 2015 | 11:59 pm

        I have moved on.. and I felt he is not the one for me. But still I felt abit guilty and abit uncertain if my choice to turn him down is right or wrong. So I’m wondering will he come back to text me again?

  5. Felicia
    March 2, 2015 | 9:33 pm

    Hey can someone email me at feliciamartinez44@gmail.com and help me on some advice I really need it:/ ok thank u

    • admin
      March 3, 2015 | 9:35 pm

      Why can’t you just ask your question here Felicia?

  6. Eggroll
    March 2, 2015 | 3:56 pm

    Hey, perfect guide, I wish I had found this 2 months ago! Went through a very rough emotional patch last year and as such kept cutting my ex off, saying I didn’t want to see him anymore then being clingy… I don’t think I can salvage the contact phase! I love this guide and am following it happily, but my only chance of speaking to him is casually when he is on the door at a club we frequent… I plan on being cheery and beautiful and casual, but I absolutely cannot text or initiate with him. What can I do instead? I don’t mind just turning up to the same events and being polite and interested in him when I see him, but can I throw some of the jealousy elements in there (chatting with men while out) to progress things, do you think? For any hope at all I need to show him I’ve changed and that I’m moving on, but still care about him, very hard to do when I can no longer text him. In the last few months I looked like shit, but I’m usually very attractive, so I’ve done my hair and got some new clothes, this Sunday he will see me in my former glory. Hopes are up but I expect nothing!

    Tl;dr what to do when you have been clingy, or reeled him in then freaked out one too many times? I’ve really changed my outlook on it and I forgive him for not knowing how to help me and becoming tired of me too.

  7. Moon
    March 2, 2015 | 2:35 pm

    So if no matter what I try to do, my ex just doesn’t want me anymore. But I still deeply love him and I don’t want to give up.
    What should I do in advance?

  8. V
    March 2, 2015 | 4:27 am

    If he and I are in a different country, How could I reach the last step?

    • admin
      March 2, 2015 | 9:41 pm

      You should read the LDR articles.

      They are more applicable to your situation.

  9. May
    March 1, 2015 | 3:30 am

    Hello Chris! Thanks for your effort here n please let me share my problem with my boyfriend too.Before I start NC , I called him n SMS him but he didn’t respond to anything. So I decided to start NC and now I’m in my second weeks. He also contact me neither. I want to know what is this situation and what should I do after 1 month NC period? Please help me ;(

  10. Lily
    February 28, 2015 | 7:33 pm

    (FYI: If it helps, I commented on this article under the same name on Feb 22)
    My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years broke up with me about 2 months ago because he wasn’t happy in our relationship any longer. We had a very close, loving relationship. I recently found out from my best friend that he started a new relationship shortly after we broke up, maybe a week or two later. I don’t know if he and this girl were seeing each other when we were still dating. My friend said she had seen my ex and this other girl sitting close to each other/cuddling at youth group, and she had seen them hug after a basketball game. I don’t know this girl well, but my friends say she’s with a lot of guys and she’s a flirt. Yesterday, my friend happened to talk to my ex, and she mentioned to him that she knew about his new relationship. He said he “didn’t want to talk about her and what she did to him,” but he ended up telling my friend anyway: This other girl ended things with my ex because she didn’t feel the same way and wasn’t ready to date. My ex stayed up until 3 am “thinking about it,” and he wasn’t going to give up so he emailed her repeatedly without a response. My ex even showed my friend the emails between them. Last night, my friend and my ex were at youth group together. She said he acted depressed and cringed at love songs that came on the radio. He told someone there that he had been dumped. I had noticed that my ex had been acting depressed lately. Normally, we would make eye contact a few times during the day, but lately he doesn’t even look in my direction, acknowledge my existance or anything. He didn’t act this depressed after our break up.
    Since he entered a relationship with this girl shortly after our relationship ended, I automatically assumed it was a rebound relationship, but he was upset this other girl had dumped him and emailed her repeatedly, so is it really? It hurts to know that he is actively trying to save this one month long relationship with a girl that doesn’t even have feelings for him, and he moved on so quickly from a 2 1/2 year relationship with me. Was he using this other girl to “fill the void?” Has he been (pretty much) avoiding me lately perhaps because he feels guilty? I would love your insight to my situation. Thank you so much!

    • Lily
      March 1, 2015 | 5:22 pm

      I saw him today, and some pretty weird stuff happened. He looked at me across the room a lot and gave me some seductive sideways smiles, which I thought was odd, given we’re not dating anymore. He came up to me later and rubbed my back (which he did often when we dated) and said hey, and asked me how I was doing. I said I was fine. He said that he missed me. Why in the world is he acting this way??? He’s pretty much been ignoring me for a while while he dated the rebound girl, and now that they’re broken up, he’s suddenly talking to me again? Is he only saying this stuff because his rebound relationship didn’t work out? Please give me some insight into this because I have no idea how to interpret this! Thanks again Chris!

      • Lily
        March 4, 2015 | 12:16 am

        Can you please give me your advice? I’d appreciate it! :)

        • admin
          March 5, 2015 | 8:28 pm

          Sure!

          Can you do me a favor though.

          List your questions in number format.

          For example,

          1. Question 1
          2. Question 2

          and so on and so forth.

  11. Jo
    February 28, 2015 | 2:33 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me 2 weeks ago. Although it was not a very long relationship, we were very passionate for each other and fell in love really quickly. In short, we started arguing a lot when I started getting really busy in med school. He got sick of the fighting one day and told me “he couldnt take it anymore.” He told me he still loves me but that he just doesnt think we can date “right now” bc I’m too busy to work on the relationship and that maybe we can reconcile again when I’m done with this school year. When we broke up, I tried to convince him to reverse his decision, but luckily I didnt beg and eventually just agreed with it. He said that he still wants me in his life and even mentioned that we should go out and eat one day. Sometimes he would text me randomly to update me about his life. Why is my ex bf giving me such mixed signals? Is he intentionally just trying to string me along or is he serious about the chance of us reconciling in the future? Or does he really just want to be friends? I already told him that I need some space from him in the meantime and that maybe we’ll be friends one day in the future. After reading about the no contact rule, I will start implementing that. Hopefully its not too late…since it already been 2 weeks since our break up.

  12. Val
    February 28, 2015 | 11:32 am

    Hi Chris, it’s me again!

    I did a succesful nc and got a positive responce from my ex after the initial text. But now I get the feeling he feels forced to answer my texts, his tone went from positive to neutral… What do I do? Do I pause for a (few) week(s) and text again or should I keep going? I ve always kept the texts light and airy and followed your “rules”. I know he had a bit of a rough time the last couple of days, is he just taking it out on me?

    Thanks so much!

  13. Tiffany
    February 27, 2015 | 8:20 pm

    I was with my bf for a little over 2 years. He decided early on that we would be together – a little early/overwhelming for me but I was happy and went along with it. I was SO fixated on the outcome (getting married) that didn;t really spend time on the relationship. He and some of my friends always said I had one foot out of the relationship – I never understood that until now. I would talk about breaking up all the time. A little over a month ago I told him I want some time to myself and he said ok. I called him twice in the following week (pretending it was fine) and he said no he wants a break so I said ok.He didn’t want to talk about how the long break or anything. A week later he had an unexpected surgery. He didn’t tell me but had his sister reach out to me to “let me know”. I contacted him via text just for that and he’d respond to that only and didn’t ask anything about me. I wanted to follow the no contact and then text etc that you have above but didn’t. I did follow the no contact but did try calling him yesterday. He didn’t pick up. Before I would try calling a few times and text him to call me and he would. This time no voicemail just a missed call I guess. I am wondering if I should still try your text tactic in a few days or does it change since I called him now?

  14. Olivia
    February 27, 2015 | 12:54 am

    Um well long story short, I had a boy friend for about 9 months and boy was I really freaking happy. We hit a rough patch in January and he sought other companions on omegle. He found this girl that lives in Australia and he essentially flirted with her. I didn’t know about this until 2 weeks ago when I went through his phone and found his kik (when I didn’t know he had a kik) I realized something was wrong the last time he came to my house. We were watching a movie and I noticed he was texting someone. But when I looked over, he hid his phone for me and turned his phone to the point where I couldn’t see the screen. But I didn’t think anything of it so I ignored it but it happen again. But i still thought that it couldn’t be happening to me. Fast forward to when i found out about this girl from Australia, I confronted him that night and he told me the truth. And we later talked about the situation the next day. I told him that it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, and he agreed. He could have been dating her and she could have lived in the same city as we do. So that was my reasoning. But later on that day he told me that we really needed a break and I went crazy. I begged him not to do it. And he said it was just just a break. And keep in mind our 9th anniversary was going to be on valentine’s day. So i kept waiting for a message through that long weekend.(i had a four day weekend) And nothing. I confronted him last Tuesday (2-17-15) and that’s when he finally told me that it was over. He told me that he no longer loved me and that he just didn’t want to be with me anymore. I ask his friends how he is doing and they say that he seems fine and seems to be taking it all very well, which is something rather disturbing because I’ve been miserable this past week.

    Even though he said that he didn’t love me anymore and also said that he just doesn’t feel the same, do you think i can still get him back with the techniques from the book? I know that one cannot turn off love like a light switch, but he is definitely the type of person to fulfill what he says. He is very stubborn and seemed very serious about his decision.

  15. Amanda
    February 26, 2015 | 4:54 pm

    Update: He also texted me late last night with “I hope all is OK”… thoughts?

  16. Pororo
    February 26, 2015 | 4:22 pm

    I and my ex have been together for about 2 years. But suddenly, he said that we had better break up because he thought we didn’t go along with each other and he also in love with another girl. We were in long distance relationship and now, he is back home. I was a needy girl, begged and he agreed to think about us one more time. Then he contacted me again just to talk and also wanted to skype with me.
    I did think that our relationship was improving because, you know, he started contact me may mean that he miss me or he want to love again.
    However, now I think he just does that because of being polite to me. I did think that the biggest problem is other girl, but now I realize the biggest problem is his feeling. No matter I do NC, how I improve myself, the problem is he doesn’t love me anymore. I can not attract him. It feels like nobody wants to wear old clothes after taking shower, right? :( Especially now, he has moved on. Although that girl hasn’t accept him yet, but in his mind, I am not important anymore. Once time he said that our relationship did end completely to him, but because I beg so he agreed to think again. He said that he is not ready for our relationship now, but he is not sure if he can come back or not. He just asked me to wait. But you know, waiting like that is a terrible feeling.
    It’s a sad fact and it makes me feel hopeless. You will say I shouldn’t beg or being needy, right? But he is very important to me that I can try to do anything to get him back. I just want him back as soon as possible because the longer time takes, the longer distance between us.
    What should I do now??

    • admin
      March 1, 2015 | 6:23 pm

      Well, read some of the articles more relavant to your situation with the other girl then!

  17. Porii
    February 26, 2015 | 3:58 am

    Hey, Chris.

    So I recently broke up with my ex a few weeks ago (he was the one who decided this), and it’s literally almost impossible to get over him because we go to the same school. I am using the NC, as you’ve mentioned, but whenever I meet up with him at school, he usually treats me the same way he treated me when we we’re both dating, for example, he would hug me, or fist-bump, or even try to hold my hand. Sometimes my ex would watch me with some other guys (I have a lot of guy friends) and tries his best to jump into my group of friends just to get close to me, and then leaves. This has been going on for a while now, and I know he doesn’t love me the way that he used to because my friend pulled the wrong move for me.
    What should I do?

    • admin
      March 1, 2015 | 6:07 pm

      I think he might be getting jealous if he is jumping into your conversations like that.

  18. Sarah
    February 26, 2015 | 1:13 am

    Hi Chris – can you give me some insight? It’s Sarah from Feb 24st.

    • admin
      March 1, 2015 | 5:57 pm

      I am sorry sarah you have been lost in the shuffle here.

      I have answered about a thousand people since Feb 24th….

      Mind refreshing my mind.

  19. Kitty
    February 26, 2015 | 1:06 am

    Chris my ex bf have been texting me continuously everyday talking abt nothing important suddenly today he asked me my stuffs at his place do I still want to collect it. How shd i reply? why he suddenly say this..?

  20. Amanda
    February 25, 2015 | 3:31 pm

    Hi!

    I feel ridiculous even writing this, but I am willing to give anything a shot. My boyfriend of just short of a year broke up with me a few days ago. I knew something was up over the last few weeks. He seemed off to me. Every time I would ask what was wrong, he would say nothing. I’ll admit, I started to nag, mainly because I knew I. My guy something was wrong. We broke up this past Sunday after him telling me he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship anymore or future plans. This is coming from the guy who always talked about the future with me. AL WAYS. He recently got a promotion at work. And I feel, or want to feel, a lot of the issue comes from that. We have had fights before but I’ve always talked him down and he would respond with I love you so much. One side says to leave the other says to stay because he thinks what we have is special. We dated for a year when we were younger as well. He didn’t have the greatest of childhoods and definitely has some issues stemming from that. I went crisis mode naturally and have been trying to talk to him. To each response (he does respond) he states he just needs some time and space to think about things. That I was smothering his recently (since I knew something was wrong and he wasn’t telling me). Today is the first day he will be waking up to no contact from me. I blocked him on Facebook cause I cannot stand seeing his profile pictures change and new friend requests. What should I do? I’m 27, he’s 30. And has said before he isn’t where he wants to be in his life yet (house, finances, etc). I want to give him the space he requests because I love him dearly. But thus is killing me. Any advice is appreciated.

    • Amanda
      February 25, 2015 | 9:52 pm

      I forgot to mention he was usually spending nights at my house 4-5 days a week. And we were always together.

      • Amanda
        February 25, 2015 | 9:53 pm

        Whoops meant “knew in my gut”.

    • admin
      February 25, 2015 | 10:08 pm

      Where is he at currently in his life?

      • Amanda
        February 25, 2015 | 10:24 pm

        He just was promoted at his job from field technician to sales. Pay cut in base but room for double the money with commission. Has to learn all new stuff and manager isn’t a gem with helping him or guidance. He’s 30, 31 in July. He’s told me in the one multiple times, we even wrote up our wedding guest list for shits and giggles a few months ago. Last relationship they lived together and he broke it off and moved back home. That was about 6 months before we got together. He lives with his mother. Father passed after a very bad relationship. I’m 27 and finishing my residency in ear, nose and throat in may.

    • Amanda
      February 26, 2015 | 5:17 pm

      Somehow my reply got deleted.

      He recently got promoted from field technician to sales. Lots of new information and his manager isn’t a gem with training him or providing insight. He’s 30. I’m 27. He lives with his mom and has voiced many times about not having his own place yet, etc. The promotion cuts his base pay but could double his income with commission. I’m finishing my residency in ear nose and throat in may. His last relationship was 2 years and they lived together. He broke things off and moved back home. I haven’t spoken to him in 2 days and he texted me last night saying he hopes all is OK. It was a very late text. I was a mess when he was breaking up with me. But I’ve left him ve the last 2 days. He said we were broken up but that he needed time and space to think about things and to please understand.

      Any input would really help, it’s hard to see patients today.

  21. Mira
    February 25, 2015 | 6:23 am

    Hi Chris
    I followed exactly the rules , during the NC he saw me at gym and than we met again walking on the beach but I pretend as I didn’t see him.
    While we were together I ordered a gift for him but I didn’t give it to him because I just received it.
    So what would be better send him the gift with a note , what if he calls after getting the gift !! I know he might not take it but at the same time he wil love it.
    Plz help tell me what should I do !??? Text him first n thn try the meet up to give my gift or send him a gift with a note , I really have feelings for him n during the NC I always had positive that we will be back after few months .
    Thanks Chris

    • admin
      February 25, 2015 | 9:39 pm

      NO GIFTS!

      Thats always an unsuccesful ploy.

      Have you followed the texting rules?

      • Mira
        February 25, 2015 | 9:57 pm

        I didn’t text him yet m still giving more time to the Nc

      • Mira
        February 26, 2015 | 3:02 am

        No texting yet just more days with the NC

      • Mira
        February 27, 2015 | 6:32 pm

        I did last night

  22. Kelly -J
    February 24, 2015 | 12:29 am

    Should i contact him again or just give up?

    • admin
      February 24, 2015 | 9:21 pm

      If you have already attempted NC then yes, contact him and abide by the guidelines I have set up.

      • Kelly -J
        February 24, 2015 | 11:55 pm

        Really? :( even though he said that he was “dead” ?

  23. Ruth
    February 23, 2015 | 11:27 pm

    Hey Chris, thank you for your wonderful work here!

    Me and my boyfriend had been dating for a year before breaking up a few days ago. There is no hard feelings really, but the main reason is that he had to move abroad late last year and it has been difficult for both of us. He is coming home for a visit in a few days and I suggested we would meet up and return our personal things to one another.
    He is coming to see me in a couple of days and I’m really stressed since I’m nervous of losinh him out the door and from the country.
    He will move back to the country this summer. What do you recommend I do?
    He was the one to break it off after about three days of disgussing the situation in tears. This is obviously as hard on him as it is on me, so just maybe your plan will worl after nc.
    My main question is – eith him out of the country fir the next 12 weeks – should I tackle my situation any differently?

    Best regards
    Ruth

    • admin
      February 24, 2015 | 9:21 pm

      You are welcome ruth!

      Also, don’t forget to check out the podcast.

      No, I think you would treat it normally just try to get a date for when he comes back. Build up enough attraction over that point.

  24. Sarah
    February 23, 2015 | 6:44 pm

    Hi there Chris. I am in day 7 of NC. You’re advice is absolutely right-on-target. I was getting itchy over the last day or so to call him, fought the urge, and I get a text from him with “How r u doing? You have some mail over here. Do you want me to put it back in the box or you can come to the house?” I only texted back robitically, “Please put my mail in the box and I will get it when U get off work” Can I take this one as he was thinking about me, or he just wanted to give me my mail?

    Thank you so much for all of the insights. It’s really pushed me for some personal growth.

    • Sarah
      February 23, 2015 | 6:52 pm

      Edit from above:Sorry, *”when I get off work”*

      • Sarah
        February 24, 2015 | 12:55 am

        **Update: He’s texting alot, wanting to talk to me. Asking if I’m mad, then saying that he tried to make it easy for the both of us. 7 texts back to back, and now he believes I want to make him suffer. Ha! Suffer from what?
        Chris – I know you’re beyond busy, but I need some insight, staying strong and keeping to no contact.

  25. Kitty
    February 23, 2015 | 11:04 am

    I meant so now after the nc period my ex bf start to keep texting me everyday but asking repeated question like take care how am I, happy vday, happy bday etc only. Nothing long and my reply is normal like short and reply like a friend. And he didn’t mention anything about patching up or related just simple daily remarks and take care and hi kind. Been like this for continuously of 6 days and u stop texting me for 3 days already. What does this action means? He even posted our signature song lyrics etc.

    • admin
      February 23, 2015 | 9:48 pm

      Seems like he is checking up on you.

      • Kitty
        February 24, 2015 | 3:36 pm

        But right now he stopped msg me again like 6 days of continuous msg and suddenly stopped for 3 days already. What does this action means? And should I text him or do not initial to text him?

  26. Lily
    February 22, 2015 | 6:24 pm

    Hi Chris, I hope this isn’t too much information, but I would really appreciate your advice.
    I was with my boyfriend for 2 years, and we had an awesome relationship. We were really close and we were both crazy about each other. Towards the end of last year, for some reason, we went through a period where we would bicker over stupid little things that didn’t matter, which was weird for us because we never fought over anything, ever. We got past it and I forgot about it. A few months later out of the blue, my boyfriend (through a text) said he needed to see me soon because we needed to talk about us. I of course asked him what there was to talk about, and he said that he wasn’t happy anymore in our relationship, “it’s not you it’s me,” we didn’t have the same connection, he loved me but he didn’t want to drag me down, and he didn’t know what to do anymore. He said he had been feeling this way since our period of fighting, he was stressed, and couldn’t be comfortable with anything he did. We ended up seeing each other that night at my house. As soon as he came in the door, he said I love you, and hugged me, and said that he was so stupid for nearly letting me go, I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him, he hadn’t been a good boyfriend lately, but he was “here to stay.” He actually started crying, harder than I had ever seen him cry, so I knew he was genuine. We had a really romantic, fun date then. The next day (texting) he said he was sorry, and doing what he was going to do originally (break up with me) was childish, and he was “madly in love with” me. Two days later was New Year’s Eve, and we of course had planned a date which I was super excited for, thinking that spending time together would help make our relationship stronger. He then texted me and said his friends had asked him to hang out on NYE and he said yes to hanging out with them, in other words, screwing me over on our date. He said that he was sorry for canceling our date, but I of course was mad since we’d been talking about our date for several days already. I didn’t understand why he said yes to hanging out with friends when we already had a date planned. After NYE, our relationship went back to how it was before he had made up with me. For nearly a week, he pretty much ignored me, never said I love you or anything romantic. In early January he broke up with me through a text, using the same reasons he had expressed before. It was a very nice text honestly as far as his word choice, he wasn’t accusing or mean at all. He repeatedly said that none of this was my fault and I had done nothing wrong. Something I noticed was that 3 times in the text he said he would always love me and have a place for me in his heart, the one time even saying he’d always love me “whether we’re together again or apart,” which to me sounded like he might give me a second chance. He said also said that I made him happy but our relationship didn’t. He said he wanted to be “close” friends, and I agreed. We saw each other in person two days later, and he was really nice to me, nicer than he had been to me in a while. We talked a lot and kind of teased each other. It honestly felt like we were still in a relationship. We had to hold hands with each other for a prayer and he stroked my thumb, which in my mind means something. We texted each other the rest of the day then and had a really pleasant conversation, and again he was much nicer to me than he had been in a while. After that day, though, he didn’t talk to me in person, only smiled at me across the room. We actually went a couple weeks without talking to each other again. I was disappointed that we had agreed to be friends yet we didn’t talk to each other, so I texted him and expressed this. (I realize now that it was stupid to expect us to be best friends right out of the gate.) He said he did want to be friends but he felt awkward around me now and he needed some time to get acclimated to the change in our relationship. He, like before, said he was stressed and felt like he couldn’t do anything right. I’ve noticed him look at me and then look away as if he didn’t want me to see him looking at me. Today was the first time we had talked in person in close to a month. (I’m a few days away from the end of NC.) He came up to me and started talking, kind of teasing me, again a nice conversation. To me, his teasing feels exactly like how he would flirt with me when we were dating.
    I started this process because I want him to be that special person in my life, and since we agreed to be friends I didn’t want to fall into the friend zone trap. Does the fact that he reconciled with me, even though he ended up breaking up with me, mean something? Why is he being nice and friendly to me now even though was he rude to me and ignored me towards the end of our relationship? And finally, is it too soon after the break up to be seeking my second chance, or can this process be started at any time? I love him a lot and want him to be in my life again, so I really don’t want to mess this up. Thanks for your help! :)

    • admin
      February 23, 2015 | 9:17 pm

      Maybe he is starting to look at your past relationship in a better light hence his better mood.

      • Lily
        February 25, 2015 | 1:05 am

        Hopefully, because that certainly sounds like a good thing to me!

  27. Julia
    February 22, 2015 | 9:43 am

    Hello Chris ! It’s amazing how you are devoted to website, a check every once in a while to find much more rich information, thank you :)

    Actually I finished NC, and I don’t feel that need to talk to my BF like before,I feel like moving on instead of reaching him, maybe talking to him as a friend;later. I have this independant feeling, I feel good and want to see what life brings more, Is it normal to feel that way after NC or it’s just caused by stubborness and fear to talk to him ?

    • Julia
      February 22, 2015 | 9:48 am

      Sorry for writing mistakes :D I want to mention also that he didn’t contact me at all during this periode, and was ignoring my last messages, I don’t know for sure why I see no need to talk to him right now

      • Julia
        February 22, 2015 | 9:58 am

        We did have a break up, we had argument, and I did the mistake of accusing him of seeing other girl because he ignored my texts, then I apologized, all this through texts we did meet, He didn’t answer to all this texts and jut ignored them, so I started going into NC, now I wanna move on even without trying that first reaching text, i m not sure if this is just a pscycological wall i m builing

        sorry for mistake again, english isn’t my native language ;)

    • admin
      February 22, 2015 | 5:30 pm

      Hi Julia,

      Have you checked out the new podcast?

      • Julia
        February 22, 2015 | 7:06 pm

        Oh I just listened to the podcast, I see how this applies to my situation. Beside we are both in our 20’s and inexperienced with relationships, I guess we are both falling out of love and we suppose that we can choose the easy way out. Well, After listening to the podcat I realised that realtionships needs effort to improve, I’ll try the plan :) lets see where it ll take us :) thank you soo much Chris

        • admin
          February 23, 2015 | 9:19 pm

          Definitely try the plan and stay tuned to the podcast. Also, leave a review in iTunes if you can.

  28. Syd
    February 21, 2015 | 10:21 am

    Uh, yeah..my ex would see right through all these texts. They are too long and involved. I think my best bet after NC is to just say hey, how have you been? and leave it at that.

    • admin
      February 22, 2015 | 4:50 pm

      You know your situation best BUT don’t just read this page. Read the entire site there are a lot more texts than just these.

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