How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

 Ex-Boyfriend-Recovery-PRO

This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t. We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him get back with you I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have.

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

Here Is The Truth

It is impossible to guarantee that you can get a previous boyfriend back 100% of the time. However, it is possible to significantly raise your chances. The keyword there being SIGNIFICANTLY and before you get all argumentative I have seen the tactics outlined on this page work time and time again. It isn’t necessarily a fast process but there is proof out there to back up the claims being made.

But First..

Getting your ex back is going to be tough. This page, while amazingly detailed, won’t have every single step that you will need to successfully get him back. It is such a complicated process that even the 10,000 words on this page can’t cover everything you need to know. I have been running this site for quite some time and get an incredible amount of emails and comments every single day. Each person wants me to give them a detailed step by step plan that they can follow to get their ex back. The fact of the matter is that it is such a complex process that I really can’t give you everything you need in a post, email, comment or Facebook chat.

Don’t worry though, I saw this problem and spent two months creating that step by step plan people were clamoring for. It took me 20,000 words but I finally did it! I highly recommend you check it out if you get a chance. Click the link below!

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

What This Page Is About

relationship infographic

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

Here are some of the things that will be covered:

  • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  • Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back
  • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex
  • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
  • What To Do & What Not To Do
  • What To Do If He Cheated On You
  • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
  • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
  • How To Define Your Dating Goals

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

The No Contact Rule

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we do any soul searching or serious strategizing you are going to have to implement the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it. Remember above when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is done for two reasons.

First

Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.

Second

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.

IMPORTANT:

He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Special Cases Where You Have To Contact During No Contact

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

What Caused The Breakup?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On Men

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

He Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks. I feel for you but don’t worry we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex gave you for the break up is really why they broke up with you. This may sound a bit mean but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.

Cheating:

(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

You Broke Up With Him?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

You don’t feel attracted to him anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

There was a big fight and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goal

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

  • Saying you will die without him.
  • That he’s your whole life.
  • You’ll never find someone better.
  • Your not happy alone.
  • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Re-Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

  • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking or writing your ex boyfriend.
  • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
  • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
  • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
  • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

  • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
  • Staying home and not going out.
  • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
  • Making big life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend ;) .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Physical Changes You Can Make:

You can change your hairstyle- I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

Get in shape- There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

Clean up your diet- Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

Mental Changes You Can Make:

Focus on work- It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

Renew a hobby- I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

Have fun- If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)

jealous-girl

This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

Your Means Of Contact

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

The Phone

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkerish and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.

Texting

Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

The Game Plan

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Lets take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.

First Contact Text Message 

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big No-No’s

  • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

  • You have to be positive
  • You have to be confident
  • Again, don’t expect anything.
  • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
  • The messages can’t be too long.
  • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts

One Word Texts-

“hey…”

“Hello”

“What’s Up”

“Hi”

You get the gist here I hope.

GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts

For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:

“Thxs”
“Great”
“Interesting”

Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

Remembering The Good Times

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

Big No-No’s

  • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”

or

Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

How To Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. That is a certainty. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

The Rules

  • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
  • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
  • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

The Heart To Heart Conversations

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

Important Things To Remember

  • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

Taking THE Risk

taking-risk

Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

Guidelines For The Call

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
NEVER CALL MORE THAN ONCE A DAY.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

Two Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Beg,
Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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4,605 Responses to How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  1. RUBY
    July 22, 2014 | 9:15 am

    Hello Chris. Please help me out I am clueless. I told you I sent him an I miss you text with a funny message after my NC and it’s been 6 days but no response. He has ‘seen’ the message. U told me not to write I miss him but what should be the next message? He is not replying.

  2. diana
    July 22, 2014 | 3:05 am

    I have just broken up with my boyfriend of 2 years . I broke up with him about a week ago because he said that he is half hearted in continuing the relationship due to a big fight that we got ourself into.

    The Fight …
    The fight is about him not saving money. He’ll always end up using my money. I got irritated and I kind of scolded him using harsh words. He said that I’m always bringing up the past and that made him really annoyed.

    I really wanted him back. I can’t shook of my love towards him because of the times we spent together and all the good memories.

    We had the serious talk and I told him what I felt. He understood but he said he is still unable to accept me back but he is willing to be my friend. He said that he does remember the old times where we were sooo happy together but he said he need to focus on himself for now and stay friends with him.

    So what should I do ?

    • admin
      July 22, 2014 | 2:45 pm

      Well, he shouldn’t have used your money….

  3. Sarah
    July 22, 2014 | 12:24 am

    Hi
    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago because of a drunken fight I said some horrible things and he said he has had enough theres no chance of us getting back together although he still loves me and misses me already. He said we can be friends although he needs sometimes and to give him a few days I just don’t know where I stand?

    • admin
      July 22, 2014 | 2:37 pm

      What things did you say?

      Were they things you couldn’t ever come back from?

  4. Kelly
    July 21, 2014 | 11:28 pm

    Okayyy so you’ve been helping me this whole time and your advice has been great so thank you! My ex lives about 2 and a half hours away, and I was planning on driving there to see him this weekend (with my friend who’s gonna shop there while I’m with my ex). I already asked him to hang out and he said he wanted to. Here’s the thing… I told my mom about this and she told me I was humiliating myself. She said if my ex was interested in me I would know by now, he would come up to see me instead of me driving there and he probably sees me as desperate. She thinks he’ll probably friend zone me and I am in her words “wasting my life.” She said she feels sorry for me.

    So brutal honesty time, is she right? I mean he’s texted me first multiple times and snapchatted me, he seems friendly and receptive but is it bad that I’m the one who asked to hang out? I’ve been texting him for about 2 months, he became receptive and positive maybe a month ago… Would he have already tried to see me? My mom really freaked me out…

    • admin
      July 22, 2014 | 2:35 pm

      She is right about one thing… It can be kind of desperate looking. However, if you really think the connection with him is there and if your relationship is worth fighting for you should at least give it a try so you will know.

      Of course, if you don’t want it to be desperate looking you can agree to meet in the middle somewhere.

  5. Jane
    July 21, 2014 | 7:47 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My bf of 6mths and I broke up last month. We were happy & contended in our relationship but he said he was losing the butterflies in the stomach for me. This went back and forth for about a month so out of frustration, I broke it off with him.
    Afew days later I regretted my actions and asked him for a timeout to reconsider but he rejected me by saying he was relieved after we broke up and he doesn’t feel for me the same way anymore.
    I implemented NC immediately. But every couple of days to a week he will reach out to text me and I don’t respond. A few days ago, I heard that he is dating someone new.
    I know that I shouldn’t contact him but I just texted him to wish him the best and that I am happy for him. The next day, he texted me that he broke up with her and he wants to remain single.
    What should I do in this case? Start NC again? Do you think that there’s a chance that he will come back?

    • admin
      July 22, 2014 | 2:23 pm

      Yes, go into NC.

      How long did you last the first time?

  6. Nata
    July 20, 2014 | 7:16 am

    We broke up in December, after that we got back and hang our baby times. Last time when I felt he is pulling away I asked him ifhe lived me or wants to be with me, he said that he doesn’t love me as before and maybe I love him more than he does. It was hard to hear. But this is life so I have to respect his feelings and leave him alone. I stopped contacting him 18 days ago. I doubt no contact would help in my case where the guy who was really very in love with me before says he doesn’t feel the same!!!! It hurts, but it’s better to know the truth.

    I am not gonna try to talk to him anymore. He is obviously not into me!
    Ps we dated for 7 months and it was serious.

    Thanks Chris for helping women here:) good luck everyone

    • admin
      July 21, 2014 | 4:08 pm

      Well, what you do after NC is just as important.

      • Nata
        July 22, 2014 | 5:24 am

        I know, and I think you are right. When I was done with NC, we started to talk and he wanted to meet do dinner or lunch. And I think after more than 1 month break I have to much of myself so he felt again the same as he was feeling.aftwr that, he stopped with excited and interested in me. I can’t explain it, but I know he loves me maybe, but doesn’t want me for I guess bad thoughts and drama that happened before Nc.

        Also, I think if it’s supposed to happen it will happen, no matter what you do :) maybe we are not match.

        I so appreciate your help, I come here almost every day. It helps to calm down.

        Hugs Chris :)

  7. Erica
    July 18, 2014 | 10:36 pm

    My boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me officially about 4 days ago. This whole summer we’ve spent it apart because he lives two hours away and both of us were and still are busy taking summer classes and going to work. He is the best I ever had treating me a like a queen, always paying for me, putting my needs first, and always reminding me how much he loved me and knew what he had in front of him. It wasn’t until about 2-3 weeks ago that he said he just wanted to take a break, since we couldn’t see each other, and “what sort of relationship is that?” He said. So we both agreed with tears in our eyes, but still talked to each other in the same loving sense. Nothing changed besides the title. But days went by after the declaration of a break, and I noticed the way he was talking to me was very casually. Like I was a friend or acquaintance. I asked him if he was okay, and he concluding that I asked based on the tone of his texts. He said he was fine with a smiley face. So I let this pass and continued texting him in a lovey dovey way, as I always did. And he kept with the dry text messages. Until suddenly I noticed on his Facebook page he deleted pictures he had taken of me and took off the “in a relationship with…” status. I confronted him on fb chat why he did such a thing and that it was all unnecessary. And he merely replied with it all being his decision and that I should respect it. That because he wants to be single and live his own life, just like he had told me before several times apparently. But this was all a shocker to me.. I went in denial and clarified that he just wanted to be single only because we couldn’t see each other for the time being… And I assumed that we would reunite again after summer was over. But he just said he doesn’t know, that he may want to be single for a while.. He then said that maybe it wasn’t the distance that caused all this, because he isn’t “that low”, but his exact words were “maybe I don’t see us getting married in the future like I thought I did”. So this instantly killed me. And he continued saying that nothing is written in stone. Which honestly bugged me, because that’s what marriage was for. But whatever, marriage is for much later. My concern was why he suddenly was leaving me. And he wasn’t being affected by it at all. It was so easy for him to tell me he preferred being single.

    So after hearing my story, my question is, did he simply just fall out of love with me? Because nothing bad ended our relationship.. He just sort of, wanted to be single and take care of his priorities (like school and work since that’s all he’s doing this summer). And that he isn’t cutting me out of his life but only focusing on himself.
    Ps. Also, we will be living in the same apartment complex by campus after summer. I was wondering if since our relationship did not end for a bad reason, am I able to rekindle the spark we had when we were together? Of course, I’m not going to play the desperate card. I am far from that.
    Anyways, please get back to me, thank you

    • admin
      July 21, 2014 | 3:53 pm

      So, you two are technically in a long distance relationship?

  8. Ellie
    July 18, 2014 | 12:42 pm

    Out of curiosity, what if my guy is in the military? He can’t respond sometimes because he’s in the navy and in and out all the time.
    I screwed up right after we stopped talking by texting him and trying to be friends, so I figured doing NC for a little longer would be beneficial. I waited four months. He started seeing someone immediately after we broke up, and they’re still together. So I was hoping doing NC for longer would help me not seem like I was trying to break them apart also. Which honestly I don’t want to do. I just want him to be in my life and happy, even if it’s just as friends.. I respect him too much to do try anything manipulative like that.
    But I started making contact again. He replied the first time right away. The second time I got no response. Like I said, he’s in the navy. Do you think this will work at all? He’s trained to leave distractions at home. And since we haven’t spoken, I don’t know when he’s here or when he’s away. Military complicates everything.

  9. Kate
    July 17, 2014 | 2:00 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I was in a relationship that got too serious (introducing each other to each other’s parents, planning to get married someday)from the end of 2013 till the first two months of 2014, we broke up because of reasons that don’t matter anymore, but we stayed closest of friends. After a while, he was acting so cold with me,pushing me away, so I started acting clingy and crying,and that just pushed him away even furthur, then when I got myself together,he told me that he is being cold with everyone because he is really depressed about our break-up, but didn’t think that we should get back together because there were some unresolved issues.
    We started later on having fights over nothing, even three months after the break-up, I always found myself fighting with him over the same issue that caused our break up, and we were just fighting and we were just really angry at each other,he even told me that I broke his heart and that I never loved him and I just wanted to try something new, when he actually really loved me (it’s not true, I adore him).
    The fights were unstoppable!, we would fight over the silliest things, and we were just so mad at each other.
    After 3 months of fighting,we decided to remain “classmates”, and he said some hurtful words after a fight.
    It didn’t work, a week later it was like we never had that fight,he called me and hung out with me on campus and was extra nice. It didn’t last, a week later, there was this girl who basically sticks to every guy to get her projects done,and basically does nothing, gets her grade and never even say hi to the guy again asked him to be her partner, and he agreed very innocently, I started shouting at him telling him how stupid he was, and we started fighting again, and that girl stuck on him like gum, and our relationship was worst than ever.
    After a while of giving each other a semi-silent treatment, he came to me, told me I was right about that girl, and asked me how I wanted things to be, and what he could do to stop this silent war between us, we had a long half-talk, half-fight, and turned out that people took advantage of us being quite apart from each other,and they went and told him lies,telling him that I said “He doesn’t dare do anything without my permission”, and what’s worse is that he actually believed them, the girl who was pretending to be my best friend,the one that I cried to when we’d have a fight was the first person who was telling him lies, her and the others convinced him that I’m not good, and he started seeing in me what they told him, he told me that he is so mad at me for talking bad about him behind his back (which is not true at all, even when we are on a fight and someone says he’s a jackass, I’d say “dont call him that). We decided that we should be “friends”, and to stop those fights once and for all, it worked on the surface, each time I’d be with a guy who is not one of my usual fiends, his face gets red and he gets really angry, and starts being rude to him, his eyes are constantly on me even when he is surrounded by 10 people and I’m across campus,and now each time we have a conversation, he acts really nice. I still feel though that things are not completely right between us, since summer started we only contacted once, I asked some of our mutual friends if he is contacting them, and they said no, so maybe he’s not contacting anyone anyways, but still…also, his two guy best friends are contacting me almost on daily basis.
    We are going to see each other again in a month in college, and live nearby, I don’t want things to end, I know that we are on bad terms now,there have been many fights, that it seems almost impossible to be at peace with each other instantly, but I really want us to get back together,in time. I know my first step would be to show him that I’m through with childish behaviors, that he is special to me like I am special to him,but how could I start doing that when we are almost not talking?. Chris please help me and do not answer with a question :P

    • admin
      July 18, 2014 | 3:55 pm

      Well, right now keep your focus on rebuilding the attraction with him until you do see him again in a month.

      Youve already done NC right?

  10. Ray
    July 17, 2014 | 4:34 am

    I was sure I left a comment before but I dunno. My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he told me he didn’t love me anymore and he didn’t want to be with me anymore, but I obviously love him so much and I want him back, I am giving him space, but it’s hard. When he’s around me he still acts the same like when we were together but he also tells me that he doesn’t miss me and I can tell that he definitely doesn’t care for me like he used to. Also his friends are kind of talking about me and telling him to drop me completely and don’t talk to me anymore, and he said he’s only telling them what they want to hear, but it seems like he’s starting to believe it now. But I told him that I’m done fighting for him when he’s not doing the same for me. What should I do??

    • admin
      July 18, 2014 | 3:14 pm

      Were there any signs in the relationship where he started drifting and falling out of love?

  11. Emily
    July 15, 2014 | 4:10 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago because he felt nothing for me and didn’t love me anymore. The two weeks leading up to the breakup had been rocky, and I recognize moments when I nagged him. However the last thing I texted him is what seemed to set him off, I had to type something shorthand because I was in the middle of something and he assumed I was acting angrily and that’s why I asked him if he was coming or not in that shorthand way (we had plans later). His response was rather angry and I feel as though that was the instance he decided he was done with me. Later that week I saw him and we had an angry conversation where he said he just didn’t love me or feel anything for me at all. I was very hurt and ended up saying mean things to him for which I later apologized and we stopped speaking after that. I followed the nc rule and contacted him last week, it went well. I then waited a week and did the good times reminder in the form of a question, he responded neutrally and we had a long, friendly conversation afterwards but it was very platonic. I’m not sure how to begin the jealousy stage or if my attempts will even work given that he says he feels nothing for me, I know he is very stubborn. What should I do from here? Keep going or give up?

    Thank you

    • admin
      July 16, 2014 | 2:37 pm

      I think you should try the jealousy stage regardless.

  12. Kate
    July 13, 2014 | 7:36 am

    Hello Chris,

    me and my boyfriend were together for 9 months, 7 of which were perfect. We broke up a month ago because he got a depression and didn’t know what to do with his life. He said he doesn’t want my support and has too little feelings. I know this is because of the depression, because when we were dating, he said more then once how much he likes me etc.

    Anyway I want him back and I already sent him the first message to which I got positive/neutral response. I wanted to persume to step two, but yesterday I met him in the city and we had a little talk. He told me about himself, and changes in his life (the depression is almost healed and he begins new things in his life) and asked about mine… Then he hugged me, like if it was not a friendly hug, but a long romantic hug (i didn’t even expect so much). Anyway I told him, he can text me call me anytime and as a response he asked me, whether I will be in the city this month.

    Thats how our conversation was over. It was friendly, and I satied positive but I don’t know with this hug and he touched me couple times on my shoulder.. Does this mean something? How can I proceed of bringing him back? Should I wait for him to text me, or should I just continue with step two?

    Thank you!

    Kind Regards,

    Ekaterina

    • admin
      July 14, 2014 | 3:08 pm

      Let me ask you something.

      What makes you think he has changed from the depression/not knowing what he wants to do phase?

  13. Kate
    July 12, 2014 | 2:44 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I was in a relationship that got too serious from the end of 2013 till the first two months of 2014, we broke up because of reasons that don’t matter anymore, but we stayed closest of friends. After a while, he was acting so cold with me,pushing me away, so I started acting clingy and crying,and that just pushed him away even furthur, then when I got myself together,he told me that he is being cold with everyone because he is really depressed about our break-up, but didn’t think that we should get back together because there were some unresolved issues.
    We started later on having fights over nothing, even three months after the break-up, I always found myself fighting with him over the same issue that caused our break up, and we were just fighting and we were just really angry at each other,he even told me that I broke his heart and that I never loved him and I just wanted to try something new, when he actually really loved me (it’s not true, I adore him).
    The fights were unstoppable!, we would fight over the silliest things, and we were just so mad at each other.
    After 3 months of fighting,we decided to remain “classmates”, and he said some hurtful words after a fight.
    It didn’t work, a week later it was like we never had that fight,he called me and hung out with me on campus and was extra nice. It didn’t last, a week later, there was this girl who basically sticks to every guy to get her projects done,and basically does nothing, gets her grade and never even say hi to the guy again asked him to be her partner, and he agreed very innocently, I started shouting at him telling him how stupid he was, and we started fighting again, and that girl stuck on him like gum, and our relationship was worst than ever.
    After a while of giving each other a semi-silent treatment, he came to me, told me I was right about that girl, and asked me how I wanted things to be, and what he could do to stop this silent war between us, we had a long half-talk, half-fight, and turned out that people took advantage of us being quite apart from each other,and they went and told him lies,telling him that I said “He doesn’t dare do anything without my permission”, and what’s worse is that he actually believed them, the girl who was pretending to be my best friend,the one that I cried to when we’d have a fight was the first person who was telling him lies, her and the others convinced him that I’m not good, and he started seeing in me what they told him, he told me that he is so mad at me for talking bad about him behind his back (which is not true at all, even when we are on a fight and someone says he’s a jackass, I’d say “dont call him that). We decided that we should be “friends”, and to stop those fights once and for all, it worked on the surface, each time I’d be with a guy who is not one of my usual fiends, his face gets red and he gets really angry, and starts being rude to him, his eyes are constantly on me even when he is surrounded by 10 people and I’m across campus,and now each time we have a conversation, he acts really nice. I still feel though that things are not completely right between us, since summer started we only contacted once, I asked some of our mutual friends if he is contacting them, and they said no, so maybe he’s not contacting anyone anyways, but still…also, his two guy best friends are contacting me almost on daily basis.
    We are going to see each other again in a month in college, and live nearby, I don’t want things to end, I know that we are on bad terms now,there have been many fights, that it seems almost impossible to be at peace with each other instantly, but I really want us to get back together,in time. I know my first step would be to show him that I’m through with childish behaviors, that he is special to me like I am special to him,but how could I start doing that when we are almost not talking?. Chris please help me and do not answer with a question :P

    • admin
      July 14, 2014 | 3:01 pm

      Define “too serious” for me?

      • Kate
        July 15, 2014 | 5:53 pm

        too serious as in he introduced me to his parents and we were planning on spending the rest of our lives together…PLEASE ANSWER

  14. Ray
    July 10, 2014 | 10:03 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend dumped me, almost 2 weeks ago because he said he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want to be with me anymore, but we still hang out once in a while and he tells me that he cares for me and that he still likes me but doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to be with me. I want him back, but I don’t want to force him into anything. I’m not sure on what to do at this point because he still acts the same when we’re hanging out, like he acts the same as he did when we we’re in a relationship.

  15. Shar
    July 10, 2014 | 9:42 pm

    Hey Chris, it’s only been three days since my boyfriend dumped me but yesterday I went a little crazy on the texts and he told me not to text or call him. Will the 30 days NC still work? Oh, and I also know during the time he called he was his is “bad influence” guy friends.

    • admin
      July 11, 2014 | 2:32 pm

      I think it can be effective sure.

  16. Lexica Hawthorne
    July 10, 2014 | 8:12 pm

    Hi! great article! Ok so my ex and I didn’t have a bad break up. He made up excuses but really he called it because he doesn’t do well with stress and was stressed from work. He said its not the right time/moment right now for him to be in a relationship and he cant emotionally handle it right now. I was ok with it and we agreed to go back to good friends like we were before we dated. Do you think that that’s a good sign? I asked about dating in the future and he said maybe. I feel like I am better off than most girls in break ups but I wanted your take on it.

    • admin
      July 11, 2014 | 2:26 pm

      I think your better off than most girls too. I woul dstill recommend the NC rule though.

      • Lexica Hawthorne
        July 14, 2014 | 7:31 pm

        He already messaged me lol it hasn’t been a week yet since the break up. When we broke up we talked about being friends. I asked him a questions about something not related to the relationship and he didn’t reply (this was last Weds) today he messages me apologizing for not responding and saying he was busy -.- ohkay
        Not replying has been easier than I thought =]
        Im gonna continue following your advice and I have a good feeling it could work for me =] thanx!

        • Lexica Hawthorne
          July 14, 2014 | 7:38 pm

          btw (I don’t know if this makes a difference) but This started caus we were arguing about something and out of anger I suggested we go on a break. we did and a week later is when he said to break up.

          • admin
            July 15, 2014 | 3:05 pm

            Give me the specifics of the argument

            • Lexica Hawthorne
              July 20, 2014 | 7:02 pm

              He loves kids and I want my own some day but I am an only child and don’t know how to be around them and im not used to their energy. We argued about me not liking kids. I got him to understand that I do want kids but not till im comfortable with them. His nephews, 3 years old, and 2 months old, are everything to him and he made a point about me not making an effort which I admitted I hadn’t done and said I would make an effort with. After the fight out of anger I suggested we go on a break. A week later he broke up with me with stupid not legit excuses. We were good friends before going out and I played it cool and agreed to go back to that. To break the ice I changed the subject to an acting class we both take and he didn’t reply. 6 days later he replied with the excuse he was busy when I saw he had been on facebook and posting things. With the no contact rule I didn’t respond. The next day he texted me and said “I thought we were still being friends?” I didn’t reply. I went to my therapist that day and she said there is a difference between space and blowing off. I texted him back and only said ” I meant what I said about being friends but I need some space right now” he replied “you seemed fine a couple days ago”. keep in mind the break up was more than a couple days prior to that so that means he had been looking at my facebook.
              To keep my self from checking on him I deleted him off facebook for now and I liked a photo he posted on instagram yesterday and he unfollowed me on instagram.
              What do you think about the situation so far?

  17. asha
    July 10, 2014 | 12:22 am

    hi chris,
    i have completed almost 2 months of nc, he texted me multiple times just saying hello, where am i, but i stuck to NC, so now im ready to contact him. can i just directly go into a positive feel good text out of the blue, wouldnt that be strange after 2 months (ie harry potter example) or do i need to kind of have some transition text (ie was out of town? or something?). can you please provide some guidance.

    • admin
      July 10, 2014 | 2:30 pm

      No you should lead up to it.

  18. Kate
    July 9, 2014 | 8:27 pm

    Hey Chris,

    what is if I texted him with “How are you” after 21 days and got a
    neutral repond: first with i’m fine blah blah and how are you? then after I congratulated him on his team winning he just responded: “thanks)”.

    When can I move to the next step? How long do I have to wait: couple of days or a whole week maybe?

    Thank you!

    • admin
      July 10, 2014 | 2:27 pm

      I think thats a decent response.

      Wait a couple of days.

  19. Becca
    July 9, 2014 | 4:40 pm

    Hey, just wondering how long do you need to wait between the first contact and talking about good times with them? He answered my first contact, I ended the covo. So when do I send him the next text?

    • admin
      July 10, 2014 | 2:17 pm

      1-3 days depending on how you are feeling about things.

  20. casey
    July 9, 2014 | 3:30 pm

    hi. its been 19 days. and i dont follow my boyfriend on instagram and twitter anymore but i know he still checks up on me bc every time i post a pic of me having a good time he tweets some negative thing about women. the other day i posted a sexually suggestive pic but no tits or ass out. it was more cutesy than anything tha just showed the sillouete of my body. i checked his twitter and he tweeted a bunch of things like how girls post the lamest things for attention and that it was disgusting and such. i was so offended it hurt me so much bc he likes photos of girls in thongs and tiits out and stuff but its supposed to be classy bc theyre models? i had my prudest friends approve of this picture and they said it wasnt even inappropriate but cute and quirky. does he hate me now? i know he was slightl jealous but i feel like theres no way hes going to be contacting me anymore after “making fun” of me like that.

    • admin
      July 10, 2014 | 2:14 pm

      What about Facebook are you still following him there.

      No he doesn’t hate you at all. Just dont get jealous. Stay in NC.

      • casey
        July 10, 2014 | 6:45 pm

        he doesnt have fb. i dont follow him on anything but his account is public so i still see it. he follows me on twitter but not instagram but judging from his recent tweets he did see my instagram picture. even if he doesnt text first i should text him after 30 days right? also is 40 days too late??

  21. Deann
    July 9, 2014 | 12:38 am

    Chris,

    If my ex and I had a huge blow out argument and I really made things worse by throwing low blows (bringing up what I’ve done for him and so on..) do you think it’s too late? Of course he still talks to me but is very hurt by things that I’ve said. We were together for close to three years and have been broken up for four months. Also will “no contact” work at this point or is it too late?

    • admin
      July 9, 2014 | 2:22 pm

      No I don’t think it’s too late.

      NC can work mostly if you two have been in contact for those four months.

  22. Mic May
    July 8, 2014 | 12:41 pm

    Also, I left out another question… When would be best to take down all of our pics off Facebook & Instagram? I was going to yesterday, but I didn’t have it in me to do it, I just started crying more…. I mean 7 months I feel was just thrown out the door & we had so many plans we would talk about doing… I just feel so heartbroken knowing that the guy I cared for the most just walked away from me…

  23. Mic May
    July 8, 2014 | 12:36 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My boyfriend & me just broke up literally yesterday…. I feel like an emotional wreck, his reasoning was not justified as I felt because he said it was about my attitude, which all I did was try to calm him down & have effective communication with him when he’d start to flip out. I have been disrespected, but I’m overlooking the bad times & focusing on the good… I have his sweatshirt still…. What do I do with it? I know it’s been a day, but I feel like I lost the one true person I cared for. He said he still cares & loves for me, but if he did, why would he end it? He said he’s been unhappy the last month, I feel like I’m losing out of every situation because when I’m silent/awkward towards his friends he hates it, but once I started opening up & being social I get called fake…. What do I do? I need some help & one that’ll stop my emotions from letting me text him today, the next day, etc. Please help!

  24. nola
    July 8, 2014 | 10:21 am

    So I’ve used the jealousy text yesterday and the respond was very good. He was like, oh oh someone ? had a date ? How did it go ?

    When I did t respond he was in two minuts like. Well ok nevermind.

    So I didnt respond on it because I did not how to. How am I supposed to respond here I couldn’t find it in the text.

    • admin
      July 8, 2014 | 2:38 pm

      What do you mean? Just start a new conversation thread with him NOT about the jealousy.

  25. Anne
    July 8, 2014 | 2:25 am

    Your articles are really good and helpful. However what does a girl do if she messed up the no contact the first two weeks and made herself look desprate. What should be the game plan then? What can she do to redeem herself? Also an article about this type of situation would be really helpful for girls who mess up. Especially since the first two weeks are really hard. Any advice would be great I really love this website and how you help people so I decided to purchase your book since you are willing to help so many people

    • admin
      July 8, 2014 | 2:34 pm

      Well, honestly I think the best thing is to make it through a full nc without any slipups.

      • Anne
        July 9, 2014 | 12:03 am

        Thank u

  26. Lila
    July 7, 2014 | 10:39 pm

    It’s been almost a year after the break up, we’ve been together for 6 years. I’ve tried a lot of things but couldn’t move beyond friend zone. We would only be talking via text. At some point we were talking on daily basis, had amazing conversations again and he would say that he is happy to hear from me. Then one day he randomly haven’t replied and wasn’t talking to me for two weeks. I got so fed up by this. So after two weeks he texts (just after I updated my profile picture)like nothing happened and asks all of the casual things he usually asks. I ignored. Later, he texts again and asks why am I ignoring him. I probably made the biggest mistake that cannot be undone. I said that I’m tired of these pointless texts and if he really has anything to say, he knows where to find me. He haven’t replied. What are your thoughts on this, Chris? Was it a bad idea?

    • admin
      July 8, 2014 | 2:24 pm

      Is talking through text normal for you guys or before when you were dating would you talk on the phone too?

      • Lila
        July 21, 2014 | 3:53 am

        Yes, we were mostly only texting when we were dating but then we would see each other quite often. Now he really wanted to be friends but would never make time to see me. Even though we live an hour away I don’t think that is the reason. He broke up over text as well. After six years. We met two month later by my initiative, as I said I was passing by in the neighborhood. When we met he avoided any eye contact.

  27. Pat
    July 6, 2014 | 2:01 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thanks for the reply. I would like to ask if he said that he do not love me anymore and he want his freedom. Then in this 1 month of NC, will the feeling for me (if there still a little) fade even more?

    I am really afraid of losing him…

  28. Pat
    July 1, 2014 | 3:01 am

    Hi Chris,
    My bf and I broke up recently nearing to our 4 years together. Reasons that he gave was he dont feel that he still love me and he would like to have more freedom. He said that we can still remain as friend. Do you think that NC will work on him please?

    • admin
      July 3, 2014 | 12:50 am

      I think it can be effective in this case yes.

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