How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back


This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t. We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him get back with you I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have.

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

Here Is The Truth

It is impossible to guarantee that you can get a previous boyfriend back 100% of the time. However, it is possible to significantly raise your chances. The keyword there being SIGNIFICANTLY and before you get all argumentative I have seen the tactics outlined on this page work time and time again. It isn’t necessarily a fast process but there is proof out there to back up the claims being made.

But First..

Getting your ex back is going to be tough. This page, while amazingly detailed, won’t have every single step that you will need to successfully get him back. It is such a complicated process that even the 10,000 words on this page can’t cover everything you need to know. I have been running this site for quite some time and get an incredible amount of emails and comments every single day. Each person wants me to give them a detailed step by step plan that they can follow to get their ex back. The fact of the matter is that it is such a complex process that I really can’t give you everything you need in a post, email, comment or Facebook chat.

Don’t worry though, I saw this problem and spent two months creating that step by step plan people were clamoring for. It took me 20,000 words but I finally did it! I highly recommend you check it out if you get a chance. Click the link below!

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

What This Page Is About

relationship infographic

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

Here are some of the things that will be covered:

  • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  • Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back
  • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex
  • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
  • What To Do & What Not To Do
  • What To Do If He Cheated On You
  • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
  • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
  • How To Define Your Dating Goals

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

The No Contact Rule

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we do any soul searching or serious strategizing you are going to have to implement the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it. Remember above when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is done for two reasons.


Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.


Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.


He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Special Cases Where You Have To Contact During No Contact

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

What Caused The Breakup?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On Men

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

He Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks. I feel for you but don’t worry we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex gave you for the break up is really why they broke up with you. This may sound a bit mean but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.


(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

You Broke Up With Him?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

You don’t feel attracted to him anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

There was a big fight and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goal

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

  • Saying you will die without him.
  • That he’s your whole life.
  • You’ll never find someone better.
  • Your not happy alone.
  • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Re-Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

  • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking or writing your ex boyfriend.
  • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
  • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
  • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
  • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

  • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
  • Staying home and not going out.
  • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
  • Making big life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend ;) .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Physical Changes You Can Make:

You can change your hairstyle- I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

Get in shape- There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

Clean up your diet- Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

Mental Changes You Can Make:

Focus on work- It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

Renew a hobby- I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

Have fun- If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)


This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

Your Means Of Contact

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

The Phone

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkerish and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.


Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

The Game Plan

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Lets take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.

First Contact Text Message 

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big No-No’s

  • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

  • You have to be positive
  • You have to be confident
  • Again, don’t expect anything.
  • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
  • The messages can’t be too long.
  • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts

One Word Texts-



“What’s Up”


You get the gist here I hope.

GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts

For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:


Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

Remembering The Good Times

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

Big No-No’s

  • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”


Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

How To Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. That is a certainty. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

The Rules

  • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
  • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
  • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

The Heart To Heart Conversations

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

Important Things To Remember

  • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

Taking THE Risk


Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

Guidelines For The Call

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

Two Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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4,794 Responses to How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  1. Kate
    October 1, 2014 | 6:50 am

    Hello Chris,

    First of all I have to say Thank you all of your time helping us who want to get an ex bf back. Now I will start my story, I have end my no contact days on the last friday and sent him a text about the restaurant and dish that we had for our first date as I want to bring my friend there. He answered me nice and said thank you for the surprise. then i wait for 24 hours and sent thank you and said i have to head out for pool party with friends then he not answered. I sent him text again on this Monday evening that I had watch last episode of the the tv show ( that we watched together ) that he told me about and I agreed with what he said and i will waiting for the next season. He not answer me either :( what should I do next?

    Thank you in advanced Chris!

    • admin
      October 1, 2014 | 4:01 pm

      Why did you wait 24 hours to respond to the initial text? You are only supposed to wait a few minutes to an hour.

  2. Anni
    September 29, 2014 | 7:01 pm


    Me and my Boyfriend just broke up or should i say in the verge of break up and the reason behind this is his parents. Sorry to say but he is more attached to his parents and has that misconception that i won’t be taking care of them.Now we are not in taking terms.I am afraid how to start communication with him and get him back. I really love him and want to spend life with him.

    • admin
      September 30, 2014 | 2:56 pm

      Why would he think you wouldn’t help take care of them?

  3. Nelly
    September 19, 2014 | 8:39 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Me and my ex were together for 7 months but he was seperated from his ex wife and his ex didn’t want to divorce as she was using him financially and they have two school girls together. So I dumped him many times during this 7 months because of his problems with his ex and divorcing period. But he came back to me each time saying he loves me and he will put things together. But I dumped him again in middle of June and around ten days later he called me and said he is finally divorcing and they have a court appointment in acouple of days.

    We got back together, he divorced but he seemed like in depression and unhappy because of the divorce so I wanted to stay away from him for a couple days only contacted him over phone to ask how he was but at the last contact he started to yell at me accusing me leaving him alone on this his sensitive period of his life, no matter I said I couldn’t convince him then I dumped him again. Our all fights were like this, he had problems with his ex or about his kids and I didn’t want to get involve and he accused me for leaving him alone never convinced so resulted me dumping him.

    Last time was horrible as we said many hurtful things to eachother. I blocked him on FB, Instagram and whatsupp (I did these before also).. Around ywo weeks later he texted me in the middle of a night said he is so drunk and trying to sleep in his car, I had missed him so much and told him he can come over. He came and hugged me tightly slept on my knees, in the morning we had sex then he left for work. I thought we got back together but he didn’t call me all day, I texted him in the evening to ask what is going on and he said he is confused, he doesn’t know what to do and he is scared living through all that fights dumpings all over again. But he said he wants to talk later. I said ok. I waited 5 days but he didn’t call, I only unblocked him on whatsupp and texted him when we are going to talk. He said he is still in the same phase don’t know what to do. So I got angry and texted him back saying if you don’t know what to do, do not text me or come to my place again we both should move on and shouldn’t look back. he didn’t respond. And this was exactly 25 days ago I never contacted him, I didn’t unblock him on FB and instagram but left whatsupp unblocked and now I am dying to see him and get him back. He never contacted me either. This is really a long time for him and I am worried if he has really moved on. I don’t want to contact him with the message you advised after NC period as I was the one who said lets move on. I dont know what to do… please help…

    • admin
      September 29, 2014 | 4:24 pm

      Divorce is devestating for everyone involved. He is all sorts of confused.

  4. chris
    September 18, 2014 | 7:09 pm

    My ex and I have been in a relationship for nearly 3 years. We are both 24. He doesn’t know what he wants in life and says the future is so so uncertain that he can’t give me what I want ie.commitment. He is adamant that he made the right decision and won’t change his mind. He says that he loves me that that is why he is doing this. I’ve been devastated and broke nearly all the rules in the first week of breaking up. We still both have feelings for one another but have decided to not be friends at this stage as it is too painful for me.l although we both agreed that our relationship was beautiful amd special and he will never forget that. I will begin the no contact rule now and see how it works.

    • admin
      September 29, 2014 | 12:45 pm

      How serious is the relationship?

  5. nana
    September 17, 2014 | 9:42 pm

    Your website made me a lot better! Thank you so much!
    Excuse me if my English is hard to understand (Im not native)

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. We were together for 2years. We had 11yo difference (Im younger) We had had few breaks before but he always came back to me saying he had made a mistake.
    But this time it was actually breakup.He told his family about us too. He said he loves me but something didn’t feel right and he doesn’t know what it is. He also thought our age difference wouldn’t work out (he worried if I would cheat on him in the future).
    He didn’t really say the actual reason that made him want to break up with me, but I can tell. I was really cranky and moody. Especially the last 2months together. If I were him I wouldn’t want to be with me andthink about the future with me.
    I am doing my absolute best to change my bad character and I want him to see that. Im working out too. We ended our relationship over facebook message and I hate to end this way. I wanted to see him but he said hes busy so I stoped asking him(I didn’t wanna be too clingy). I haven’t seen him for a month and half now although we had some chat. I could tell that he cared about me.
    Now Im on 2weeks of NC. Its killing me but I wanna get him back.
    I hope I can meet him after 30days NC but how can I let him know that Ive changed when we catch up? I think he will come back if I became a happy attractive person like I used to 2years ago.
    I just don’t know how to make him realize that Ive changed…

    • admin
      September 18, 2014 | 4:34 pm

      Just stick with the NC right now. YOu are doing well.

      • nana
        September 19, 2014 | 7:54 am

        Ok. Thank you for your advice :)
        He always worried our age difference and if I might cheat on him someday. He said “If we get 40 and 30 you would be with another younger attractive guy ”
        I told him that Im not that kinda girl and love him no matter what but he said people are all like that. I thought he didn’t have a confident on himself.
        Is there anything I can do to erase his negative worries about age difference?

        • admin
          September 29, 2014 | 12:55 pm

          How often would you have to reassure him?

          • nana
            September 30, 2014 | 9:35 am

            We used to see each other once a week and I had to reassure him one a month or 2.

  6. Jordan J
    September 17, 2014 | 7:56 pm

    I broke up with my guy August 5th after dating for a year and 6 months, before college which is 2 hours away. The only reason why I did was because for months of my family and friends telling me to break up with him because he would hold me back, I wouldn’t get to live my life, I would be too consumed in him. We are friends now (I don’t want to be, I want him to my boyfriend again) and I have plenty of time for him and homework and all my activities, but I want to be able to go home and see him, kiss him and all. I immediately regretted my horrible mistake and I told him that, but a few days ago he said he wanted to be friends. He then was talking to his other ex…who has feelings for him still. Since we are “friends” I talk to him quite a bit. What can I do to get this relationship back?

    • admin
      September 18, 2014 | 4:32 pm

      NC seems like an ideal start.

      • Jordan J
        September 18, 2014 | 9:21 pm

        For a month? I’m only on the second day, and it is frustrating me so much. I’ve ignored 1 instant message and 1 snap (snapchat) yesterday. He didn’t try talking to me today, probably only because he’s been too busy snapchatting his ex girlfriend, for all I know they are probably back together.

  7. T
    September 16, 2014 | 9:00 pm

    Hi me and my boyfriend of ten months broke up nearly two moths ago after we argued a lot and I stalked him twice to his house. In that time I’ve chased him and he soon got annoyed and started blocking my numbers. I’ve changed it numerous times to get through to him. The last time I did I just sent him a nice text to say I’m sorry and wished him the best. I sent this via whatsapp and his blocked me on there but not sure if overall. I have not contacted him since then and it’s been a week. During the break up he said I took peace away from him and that he didn’t love me anymore. Idk what to do :/

    • admin
      September 17, 2014 | 4:51 pm

      Did he notice you stalking him?

      • T
        September 17, 2014 | 5:21 pm

        Yes he did but After that he was okay with it and we left things on good note. I’ve called few times after but then I started pestering so he blocked me

        • admin
          September 18, 2014 | 4:19 pm

          How bad was the pestering?

          • T
            September 18, 2014 | 10:29 pm

            I’d constantly text and call like twenty times a day :/

  8. Jasmine
    September 15, 2014 | 11:43 pm

    I’m 20 years old, my boyfriend was 19. We broke up about two weeks ago and I really need your advice.

    Our entire relationship he’s been obsessed with me. I encouraged him to spend time with his friends but he rather wanted to spend time with me above all, so he barely spent any time with his friends during an entire year except when we were partying.

    Then this period came when things were going bad for him, including no job and bad economy. And he blamed everything on me for some reason. He was tired all the time and began to behave really badly, he couldn’t take one second of sarcasm from me without lashing out telling me how annoying I am. Then one day he had enough of me and threw me out his apartment. I cried and tried to get him back, but he refused and acted as if I was filth to him and ignored me most of the time, including my texts. He told me to leave him alone and disappear out of his life for good, he even wanted me to leave the city so he doesn’t have to see me again. During this time apart from me he refused to be alone, he was always with his friends, playing computer games with them, riding along in the car with them and of course partied a lot.

    I texted him every day ,telling him I would wait for him. Then one day I gave up and he knew I was letting him go so he wanted to meet up and cried and cried and wanted me back, so we got back together. Then we had one great week after 1 month of barely seeing each other, but after that week we started fighting again. I broke up with him over silly things, but I regretted it immediately and wanted him back but he refused. He’s back to treating me like filth. Last time I saw him I was crying and I almost begged at my feet for him to take me back. He was mad and yelled at me to go away, leave him alone etc. “Go fuck every guy you can lay your eyes on, I know you will now that you can’t have me!” (Like im some sort of slut). And yeah, we parted. He was mad , wanting nothing to do with me, and I was sad, he could see that. I asked him if there was any chance for me, ever in the future. He said no, not ever. He said that he needs to be alone (yet he’s always with his friends) and doesn’t need a girlfriend to worry about and think about all the time. That was yesterday and we haven’t spoken since. He’s also been acting weirder and weirder since he began to spend time with his friends again.

    I know we’re young but we wanted it all! Marriage , kids, and I am crazy for him. We had wild chemistry and I know for a fact he’s still attracted to me ,but apparently doesn’t want me anymore.

    Have I any chance of getting him back, even if he says I haven’t? Please help me and tell me what to do!!
    I don’t wanna text him all the time (haven’t yet) , but i’m so afraid he’s going to forget me! He’s so good at blocking that stuff away and he’s going to find someone else soon because he’s very addicted to feeling good about himself and having a girl making him feel that way. Please help me, cause i want to be that girl!

    • admin
      September 16, 2014 | 3:25 pm

      Have you tried any form of NC yet Jasmine?

      • Jasmine, from Sweden
        September 16, 2014 | 4:46 pm

        It’s been almost two days without contact from either side, it’s just that I don’t think he’ll ever try to contact me again, I think he’s done with me and not contacting him will only make him forget about me, but contacting him will make him even more annoyed with me, it feels like I’m gonna lose him either way.

        • Jasmine, from Sweden
          September 16, 2014 | 4:51 pm

          + It’s my birthday the 24th of october and I’m almost 100% sure he won’t contact me then either, which will break my heart even more.

          And i’ve already done the things on your list that you shouldn’t do, I was needy and so desperate during the breakup, he knew I’d do anything to get him back

          • admin
            September 17, 2014 | 4:12 pm

            Its not that big of a deal if he doesn’t contact you on your birthday. Seriously, in the grand scheme of things it isn’t.

        • admin
          September 17, 2014 | 4:12 pm

          Its just two days Jasmine… It still so early.

          • Jasmine, from Sweden
            September 17, 2014 | 7:27 pm

            I know for a fact we’re both going to the same club on friday, what should I do if we see each other?

            • admin
              September 18, 2014 | 4:27 pm

              Be extremely upbeat and positive.

  9. A
    September 15, 2014 | 5:25 pm

    Hey Chris, acutally i really wanna thank you for this site. It has made me feel better and I have hope of getting my ex-boyfriend back. I have written here many times, when I have got hurt or something, but I was using another name. I dont have to tell my whole story etc and ask for many advices becuase actually everything stands here on your page. Im so thankful fort this. But i only have one question, next week my ex has his birthday, I was planning to buy him something special that I know he likes. But i realised it’s stupid and will not change anything. My question then is, should I tell him happy birthday? I really eant to, beacuse his birthday means the most for me. But how should I tell him happy birthday?
    We broke up in april. I have wanted him back and I have done everything i shouldnt, like begging, crying, stalking him, not given him space or not even made him feel like his lost me. I was dumb when we broke up, I couldnt stand that he didnt want me back, started to drink every weekend like 3 weeks. I kissed a boy 1,5 motnhs after we broke up when I was drunk, still he cant get over it and it is holding him back. He is still so hurt about that. He did the same thing (what he told me I dont know if its true) to give me revenge. We have stuck togheter but he didnt wanna give me a chance. We have had sex like 4 times since the breakup and no one dates another. He has told me many times when he got mad that he dont wanna have conact anymor etc.. It has been some many ups and dowm. Now i startedthe contact rule for real, its my second day now. I now im not allowed to write or ansswer. but I really think I should tell him happy bithday…. what do u say Chris?

    • admin
      September 16, 2014 | 3:13 pm

      Your very welcome!!

      No breaking NC for happy birthday…

      • A
        September 16, 2014 | 9:11 pm

        But this is very important and a different situation… I really care about him and I never now with him. It might even break my chances of getting him back if I act like I Don’t care om his birthday.. Why is it bad to tell hon happy birthday ? ;(

        • admin
          September 17, 2014 | 4:27 pm

          I am posting an article today that is going to explain why :)

          • A
            September 21, 2014 | 10:42 am

            It’s to late now.. This Friday I saw the one thing I never wanted to see in my life. I was on a disco. He came with his friends 2 hours late. I saw him when he gave his jacket to the wardrobe.. He looked at me and hugged a girl. They were hugging eachother from the beginning. I Walked away tried to forget it, I Danced with my friends. Later i looked away and say him watching me while he was standing with the girl. When we got eye contat he started making out with her. I fainted. I Walked home 2 hours earlier from the disco and cried all Night. I have just been in my bed and felt like shit.. He has told his friends that it was the best Night in a long time, that he had so fun and made ut with a girl. His friends told me that my friends had said “he wanted to make her jelaous and hurt” then he said “no, it was not because of her, I wanted to do this. Why does she even care? We are not togheter anymore and we broke up 6 months ago”…
            I have a knife in my heart. We have stayed in contact since we broke up, he gave me small hopes and we have had sex. So how can he do this?

          • A
            September 21, 2014 | 10:42 am

            It’s to late now.. This Friday I saw the one thing I never wanted to see in my life. I was on a disco. He came with his friends 2 hours late. I saw him when he gave his jacket to the wardrobe.. He looked at me and hugged a girl. They were hugging eachother from the beginning. I Walked away tried to forget it, I Danced with my friends. Later i looked away and say him watching me while he was standing with the girl. When we got eye contat he started making out with her. I fainted. I Walked home 2 hours earlier from the disco and cried all Night. I have just been in my bed and felt like shit.. He has told his friends that it was the best Night in a long time, that he had so fun and made ut with a girl. His friends told me that my friends had said “he wanted to make her jelaous and hurt” then he said “no, it was not because of her, I wanted to do this. Why does she even care? We are not togheter anymore and we broke up 6 months ago”…
            I have a knife in my heart. We have stayed in contact since we broke up, he gave me small hopes and we have had sex. So how can he do this?

  10. Anna
    September 9, 2014 | 4:40 pm

    My ex broke up with me earlier this year in March. He said he had lost feelings for me since we were long distance due to internships. After NC for a month, we went out for dessert to talk. Unfortunately it didnt end too well since he told me he was in love with someone else from his past but due to their age difference at that time, they did not pursue each other. He told me that he would do anything to get her back now. After a month or so, he told me that he decided to end things with her.

    My ex and I go to the same university and during the summer, we bumped into each other a lot and ended up having an on and off relationship for 4 months. After classes ended, I ended up going on vacation for two weeks. I came back finding out that he had recently started to get involved with one of his high school friends (cuddling, holding hands) and I was devastated. I had asked him if it meant anything and he said no. It wasn’t until a few days ago while we were making movie plans did he tell me that he is now seeing his high school friend.

    What do you think I should do? I have’t contacted him since he told me he’s been dating her.

  11. Gabriela
    September 5, 2014 | 2:52 pm

    Hi! Me and my boyfriend of 2 years & 2 months broke up a week ago. He actually has broken up with me close to 3 weeks ago because i accidentally threw the promise ring out the window. Then we started talking again for a week. After that week we went on a break for 4 days and then we officially got back together 2 sundays ago. But this past Monday I broke it off because he didn’t seem to want to see me and blew our date off for the weekend. I ended up having an anxiety attack on that Sunday and my girl friend came to the rescue and called him and he didn’t seem to care. I was very distraught so I ended it with him. On Wednesday of this week i caved and sent him a voice message. And he said that it was best that we both walk away from each other because the relationship became “unhealthy” which I do agree. Now its friday and we were suppose to meet up with to talk and basically say what we have to say and completely be done with the relationship. But i don’t think Im gonna meet him up. What do you think I should do? Please Help!!!!!

    • admin
      September 15, 2014 | 2:26 pm

      What was his reasoning for the break up?

  12. Jennifer
    September 5, 2014 | 12:14 am

    Hi Chris,
    My name is Jennifer and I recently graduated from high school. Now, I’m in community college.

    The summer after graduation my boyfriend broke up with me. Well, he tried to a couple days before graduation. I know this because I called him the night before graduation. I noticed that he tends to tell me the truth when we talk on the phone. The week of graduation was sad for me but it should be the other way around. His reason to break up with me was that I was going to college and he wanted to grow up. I didn’t understand because I was still close and I was wondering who was the mature one here. The phone call before graduation, i suggested a break. It didn’t work out. He posted a picture of this girl (his cousin which I didn’t know) during the break. When I saw it, i panicked and messaged him constantly which was a mistake to do. When he messaged back, he said that he appreciated me that I cared and he hoped that he made my senior year special. But it’s time. So days after, I finally let go. I tried persuading him and telling him that we could just fix the problem, but it didn’t work. He was still on the same mind set. I said that I didn’t want to stress him out anymore and that I really cared about him. He replied with,”that means a lot to me! You’re very mature.” I just felt really sad. It’s been 2 and a half months since we broke up. In those months, I’ve been crying on and off. I thought that I was fine by now. If I cry this much, then I must really love him and I do. This is actually my first heartbreak and I don’t want to lose him.

    He lacked communication and respect.
    He had me and my friend’s yearbook for a month. I’ve tried asking him constantly to return it, but he tried to ignore me and not tell me anything.
    So, we didn’t sign each others yearbook. The day he returned them, i gave him an 8page letter that I wrote for his yearbook. It contained many memories that we had together and I wished him a good year. Because of this letter, i felt like it changed his mind or feelings about me.

    So, I’ve noticed some signs. My nephew is in marching band and he had band camp recently. My ex is also in marching band. Well, i visited for a couple of days and he was there. I tried to act all happy and friendly towards everyone. It seemed like he was showing some signs of liking me. One day, we were watching a live show with everyone and I invited some friends to come and I coincidentally invited him. I was just being nice. He sat next to me and I pointed out a cute guy. So, he kind of hinted that he was comparing himself by pointing out that he was blonde. He would also look at me across the room. He did some childish stuff too.
    Another thing that happened was that I told him that I was going to California. I also told my friends too, but he was the only one who texted me have fun the day I left.

    I don’t know, if I should make the first move and ask him what’s going on. People tell me to let him make the first move for once. What shall I do?

    • admin
      September 5, 2014 | 12:34 pm

      I erased your last name since I figured youd want some privacy.

      Have you attempted any form of NC yet?

      • Jennifer
        September 10, 2014 | 3:22 am

        Yes I haven’t texted him for almost a month. Over the summer, we texted a little bit on and off. I see him once a week, but we don’t really talk.

  13. Melissa
    September 4, 2014 | 8:48 pm

    Can you please help me? I’m very lost.

    My bf and I have been dating just over 4 years. We started dating at the end of highschool. We are 21, im about to be 22. Our relationship was rocky generally, but we were always very happy in spite of that. Just after our 4 years anniversary, it seemed like he was loosing interest and more frustrated with me. That was the only warning sign really. He left me 3 months ago now. His reasons were that he needed to do something with his life since he hadnt been in school for 2 years and only kept one job for about 3 months during that period of time and he said he saw me as more of a friend now. I did have issues with jealousy and clinginess so im pretty sure that played a factor, but he really didnt want to talk about how I influenced his disappearing feelings, grasping at straws when he did talk about it and saying how he doesnt want a relationship with anyone right now. I did the typical begging , but no texting/calling. He was very mad and sad during the breakup and i know how deeply he loved me. He talked to his bestie and he told me that me that my ex was missing me, and that is was the hardest thing for him to do, but that he wanted to try and figure out where his life is headed without a relationship.He left the week after the break up to visit his family in jakarta for a month, as planned. I didnt try to contact him at all during that time, but the day before he left I showed up at his house and I asked for another chance. When he came back, his friends told me he decided to move across country to florida to get a job with his aunts business and go to school there, he told his friends not to tell me because he didnt wanna tell me til the day he was leaving. I was devistated but I didnt contact him. He texted me the day after he got back and we chatted. Then I stopped replying a day later. He txt me the day he was leaving and said I have to come pick up more of my stuff. I showed up and he was really happy to see me. We hung out for 4 hours and even tho his friends were gonna come over to say bye, he asked them not to come because I was there. When it came time to say bye he was crying. We hugged for a couple more minutes, his body language showed how much he liked me, he said I better go or else he’s gonna have sex with me (joking but showing his interest), saying that Im the most beautiful. He said “we have to stay friends. When I come back in december we’ll play (such n such) games and go see the hobbit” like we’d planned before the breakup. I handed him his aunts jewelry to give back to her and he said “no you can give it to her in the winter” and I said okay but I thought I wasnt gonna see his extended family anymore since we’re broken up? He was leaving with no phone and planned to buy one in FL. I said txt me when you buy a phone, but he said we cant be friends like that. See the back and fwd mixed messages.. That was a month ago. Last week he txt me from his new #. His 1st txt he didnt say anything, he just sent his fav picture of bobafett that he knows would help me realize its him. Weve been talking every few days for two weeks, all of them his contacting me, txts are several sentances long, often he sends 2 or 3 txts and im trying to keep my texts the same ratio or less. I subtly asked him why hes texting since he said he wasnt gonna txt me. He said “I thought we could txt as friends but not more, ill stop if you want”. I said I thought it was counter productive since he asked for time and space.. he replied “I want you as a friend, I think were better like that. You dont think so?” And I tried to avoid an answer and said how our friendship developed from the relationship and we based our relationship on our friendship which is healthy. He agreed and said thanks for the experiences… that was two days ago and I dont know what to do now. Was I really friend zoned or is he faking trying to figure out his feelings? Should I start NC again?

    Thank you so much.

    • Melissa
      September 4, 2014 | 9:23 pm

      Also, when he left he said he didnt see me in his future anymore. He claimed that because my life is so in order that im ready for marriage, and he said hes immature and doesnt wanna fet married.

      • admin
        September 5, 2014 | 12:31 pm

        Was he accurate about this or do you think that this was just an excuse?

    • admin
      September 5, 2014 | 12:30 pm

      Wait a week and try textin ghim again.

      • Melissa
        September 5, 2014 | 4:42 pm

        I think it was an excuse. Why should I continue to text him? Am I supposed to continue being his friend or should I go NC and let him think? I feel like it’s hopeless now that he plans to stay in Florida..

  14. C
    September 4, 2014 | 11:28 am

    I was seeing this guy for several months. Everything was going great, we would talk non-stop all day everyday. He would want to see me all the time and I was in complete control. Then I had a bad day and cried on his shoulder. After that he became a bit distant and then stood me up. He ended things with me saying he was bad for me. I said fine and cut of all contact with him. Then he wouldn’t leave me alone! So I gave him another chance but it wasn’t the same. He never had time for me and would constantly point out that we weren’t dating. We ended things for good and I told him I didn’t want to be friends. He still texts me sometimes and snapchats me.

    Is it possible to go back to how we were at the start of our “relationship”? I haven’t contacted him in nearly a month but he has sent me some snaps and a text which I have ignored.


  15. Elizabeth
    September 4, 2014 | 1:03 am

    Hi. My boyfriend of 10 months just broke up with me. He just started college and said we were going nowhere. His friends talked to him then told me that he said I was annoying. And looking back i can see that. I really love him. He makes me smile even when im sad. Can you guys help me?

    • admin
      September 4, 2014 | 12:22 pm

      Give me specifics. What kind of annoying things did you do?

  16. Charlie
    September 3, 2014 | 3:01 pm

    Hi….. My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. We have known each other since 2011 and got involved but he panicked and ended it after a few months I used to call him all the time then I gave up and moved on. I met someone else and was with him for a couple of years then it didnt work out and I ended it. As soon as my first boyfriend heard of this he started contacting each other again…. It was perfect for 3 months all the previous problems were gone its like we value each other more….I was pretty sure things are going great. Then he decided to start a business I supported him and helped him as Much as I could. A few days ago he decided to break up with me because he feels he will be so busy for at least a year nd doesn’t want to be unfair to me. Of course I said that this is stupid and doesn’t make sense so he apologized for it and said he is just stressed Bcz of the business and everything. He asked me to forget what he said. We went on a date and things were fine. He started to drift away. I waited for him to call me all day then I called him at night to find out he booked a trip with 2 friends for 3 days!! Without telling me anything. I snapped I told him you r too busy to call me or text me and u have time to travel? I just wish you care more nd call me at least once a day…. He said I need to break up. I called him of course and he responded in a v bad way. And he travelled today…. I really love him and he says he loves me but I always see the things he doesn’t do and I generalize…. When he is the one who broke up with me over an incident. What can I do now?

    • admin
      September 4, 2014 | 11:54 am

      Did he mention anything about the trip during your date?

      • charlie
        September 6, 2014 | 3:32 pm

        No he says it was a surprise I texted him while he was away…. He didnt reply but today he got back and he called me. He said he was being himself but the relationship deteriorated on its own so we dont make each other happy. I’m never satisfied this is not true. During the last week my mother was admitted twice to the hospital I was just trying to tell him that I needed his support. At the same time I know he is nervous about a new business he will launch this month. He offered earlier to break up bcz he will be so busy with the business in case it succeeded then he took that back bcz it didn’t make sense. I was supporting with this business and I guess he felt he is assuming way too much. I told him today on the fone that if I were him I would see what went wrong I wouldn’t generalize. He said if in one month I felt I miss u I would even propose and accept all ur shit. I objected to what he said and I hanged up. I just feel he is taking down all his stress on me.

  17. ella
    September 3, 2014 | 8:34 am

    uhm can’t seem to find my comment, was it removed or something?

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 3:44 pm

      I don’t think so. Is it on the second page?

  18. Claudine
    September 2, 2014 | 11:53 pm

    Hi Chris

    Thank you so much for putting this site together. I learnt so much and it is great having a male perspective on things and hearing the cold hard truth which is often what is needed.

    My ex who is 42 and I broke up just over two months ago. We had a good relationship and respected each other’s individuality and freedom. We are very much alike so knew how to communicate with and understand one another. Even when we disagreed we never raised our voices in anger but could discuss matters calmly. We connected very well on an emotional level and instinctively understood one another.I was never a clingy girlfriend as I felt secure enough about myself and I knew I could trust him

    However he had, had bad experiences with women and had been hurt badly and I would sometimes feel like he was shutting me out or pushing me away. This always seemed to happen right after we had been extremly affectionate or when we were having a great time hanging out.I always felt like he was holding back on me and it hurt. I did not know how to handle it so I distanced myself from him emotionally as well. I thought maybe if I gave him space he would sort out whatever was bothering him. I did broach the matter with him once and it did not go well because he withdrew even more.

    When we eventually broke up I was not surprised in fact I was considering breaking up with him as well. I felt he needed time to deal with things on his own and time away from me would help him put things into perspective. The reason I considered it was because I love him so much and only wanted the best for him even if that did not include me being part of his life. The break up went peacefully and we met a few days later to return each others belongings and chated. It was sad because we both cared for each other deeply but we felt at the time it was for the best. When he returned my things he had forgotten to return a very important item which he said he would make sure I received as soon as possible as he was moving.He has yet to do so

    Directly after that meeting I went into NC for just over 30 days. The urge in the beginning to text was huge and I missed him but NC was not that bad for me because I knew why we had broken up and had made peace with it because I wanted what was best for us both but especially for him. After NC I texted him like you recommended and used your text guide and we started chatting. It went very well. He was speaking to me as if we had never broken up and on our last chat he was calling me “sweetie pie” and “sweetheart” which surprised me. The funny thing is that when I messaged him a week later he was cool and reserved towards me which left me confused. The other day I sent him a text to ask for the return of the item he had which belonged to me as I really needed it and he just did not respond.

    Please help me understand what is going on here. I love him and I miss him and all of this is very confusing to me


    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 3:37 pm

      Does he usually say sweetie or sweetheart often to people hes not dating?

    • Claudine
      September 3, 2014 | 6:20 pm

      No I have never heard him use that term with anyone else

      • Claudine
        September 3, 2014 | 6:30 pm

        I forgot to mention he called me ” sweetie pie” almost exclusively when we were dating

        • admin
          September 4, 2014 | 12:02 pm

          Then I would say that is a good sign!

          • Claudine
            September 5, 2014 | 7:59 pm

            I am just confused about why he is hot one day and cool the next. I dont know what to make of it

  19. Briana
    September 2, 2014 | 8:50 pm

    My boyfriend and I were together for nearly four years. He broke up with me Saturday and our four year anniversary is this Friday. He was upset for several reasons. I became really obsessed with a specific hobby where I talked about it all the time so it got annoying. We practically lived together and had spent every waking moment together. Also, he admitted that I would try to lose weight and just gain it back when I got comfortable with him and that within the last few months he began to lose attraction for me and was uncertain if it would come back.

    More importantly he expressed that he was unhappy and didn’t feel like he treated me right the last few months of our relationship. That deep within himself he is unhappy of where his life is going and needs the time and space to recollect himself. He didn’t want a break because he doesn’t know when this void will go away or what would become of us. Yet, he admitted he still sees a future with me and if we truly are meant to be, our paths will cross but he needs his time to work on himself.

    Our friends express the same thing. They were shocked because they knew we had some problems he feared expressing with me but that he truly wanted to be with me and make it work. One friend said he truly talked about being with me forever.

    He told me last Tuesday what was bothering him and we continued to talk. He prolonged it because he wanted to see us work but he couldn’t get out of his mindset. He admitted to our friends that he truly still sees a future or the possibility of marrying me. One friend says he hopes for that, but where he is in his life is complicated. He doesn’t plan to date right now because he wants to fix himself. When he broke up with me. . I cried in his arms for hours. It was difficult not to.

    I then began crying and packing my stuff. He stopped me and told me he was uncertain if he was making the right decision by leaving me. . but he needs a few days to clear his head but that he will make no promises. After that he told me to lay down and he gathered all my necessities. But. . He took our relationship off his facebook yesterday. . So i felt like he made his decision by doing that.

    I haven’t texted him, although before he walked away he said I could. He said he wants to keep me in his life.

    I see a lot of faults in myself that could have truly added to this break up. He is surrounded by difficulties in school and his dad who brings him down all the time. We haven’t truly had a chance to be alone because his brother is now around the house too and always opens the door without knocking and bugs him. But his mother and sister who doesn’t live with are good people, sweet and are very friendly with me. His mom would always hug me and say that she loves me.

    I am upset because we didn’t fight, but we did lack communication. However, we love one another and have a lot of qualities of one another we share and enjoy. Not too long ago he said I was the best thing to ever happen to him. And yet. . he let me go.

    Next month is his birthday too. . . And our friend is having a wedding at the end of October. He is one of the groomsmen. And of course I will be there.

    So I don’t know what to do. My heart is truly broken and although I’m planning all these new things for myself and truly wanting to conquer my goal and lose weight, I keep thinking of him and hoping to see us together. . . It’s hard not to text him, but I didn’t after he broke up with me. I texted our friends and maybe even friends that might be more of his friends now. . But today, I’m doing my best not to text anyone. . . I just need friends and for some reason this week is the week all my friends are super busy or out of town.

    My heart is broken and I really want this to work. . I just fear that no contact will make him distant with me.

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 2:41 pm

      NC is PERFECT for you situation.

  20. Ella
    September 2, 2014 | 1:34 pm

    hiiii i need your help! been reading your articles but i kinda broke one rule that you’ve been stressing about, the no contact rule. let me start, I’ve been dating this guy for six months but when i got into college, our relationship got a little rocky. we didnt have time for each other anymore, we rarely see each other and so resulting to us breaking up. he said the spark was kinda off already. he texted me immediately after breaking up saying he was sorry and all and thank you for everything. the next day was my birthday so he greeted me twice and the next day we didnt contact each other anymore. the next day i texted him and we had a fight and he kept on texting me and i just shut him out and i didnt reply. then i gave him a letter and for a day or two there was no response from him. so i started thinking. i secretly opened his account and found out his flirting with a girl. i dont know if he was flirting with her but it kinda looked like it. so i confronted him and he was super pissed, i just got mad because it was only a week after the break up and he was already like that. we fought and so we end up hating each other and i threw all his gifts away and deleted all of of our pictures. i was that mad at him. then i stopped contacting him or whatsoever. after a week ( think), we saw each other for three consecutive days. and it was a little awkward we didn’t talk to each other at all. it was back to strangers all over again. my friend said he was staring at me but i never dared to look at him. for three consecutive days we saw each other after the third day, i contacted him, i said sorry because i dont wanna have hard feelings and i wanna take this heavy feeling out of my chest. it only took him a second to reply and he too also said sorry. so i kinda asked him, i guess you have moved on already? and he answered me, “to be honest, not yet. i just know how to act like i have already. seeing you hurts.” and i told him that i felt the same way. then we said goodbye, and our last conversation was, “see you around” so uhm help me please? i can’t understand already! i don’t know what to do.

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 2:24 pm

      Define flirting for me?

      What did you see?

      • ella
        September 3, 2014 | 2:31 pm

        like he called her fat cheeked lady, he used to call me that too! oh and when we saw each other, his friends tried talking about me and he said, “can we just not talk about her?” what does that meeeeeeeeeeeean :(

        • admin
          September 4, 2014 | 11:52 am

          Fat cheeked lady?

          Hahaha is that supposed to be a compliment?

          • ella
            September 4, 2014 | 12:42 pm

            AHAHAHHA YES! it’s sounds weird but yessss hahahah :))

            • admin
              September 5, 2014 | 11:53 am

              Well, then if its a compliment then I guess its good haha!

  21. Rose
    September 2, 2014 | 12:59 pm

    So my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me a week and a half ago. We were living together and he told me he doesn’t love me anymore and it’s nothing to do with me. We have an expensive holiday booked for next week and we have both agreed to go as long as I have no hope that we are getting back together. I think I will go. If he still doesn’t want to be with me after I’m going to follow your plan because he is my best friend and the best person to me because of who he is. The break up was totally unexpected and most of my friends have been through the same thing where they thought they didn’t love their partner broke it off in a rush and realised that they actually do. I would like some advise so I know what his thoughts are. Thank you

    • admin
      September 3, 2014 | 2:23 pm

      I think you are spot on with this. Go and then after that if things aren’t repaired put this method in place.

  22. C. Moon
    September 2, 2014 | 2:30 am

    My ex didn’t call me, didn’t text me, the only way he did was if I didn’t text him for 3-4 days. Then he was all “just checking in”. When I went over to his place it was for 2-3 days at a time and he came over maybe once a week if it fit into his schedule. The reason I stayed over more was because there was actual talking and conversation involved. If not I’d got nothing. At the beginning of the summer I asked for a 50/50 I see you, you see me and he told me that once I said that, it felt more like a chore than a desire to come see me. All I wanted was to see him. There was this time at the beginning of the summer where we didn’t see each other for 2 2/12 weeks so of course I’d address the issue. Then he went on about how he couldn’t see me every day god damn it I didn’t want to see him every day I just wanted like “hey good morning ” or “thinking of you” or just a plain “how have you been” I never got it. He didn’t take effort in things I enjoy. I am not very keen on baseball, though I learned a lot and started to appreciate a bit… I went to the majority of his games, but I did get annoyed with him once and told him I hated he game, bad move on my part I guess. I wanted to watch a movie with him a couple of weeks ago, a sci-fi movie and he left to go read his baseball book. Well that made me feel great I respect his sister a lot she organized a going away concert in which she performed in every number along with her family and friends. I wasn’t invited to perform and it hurt pretty bad going to a concert where you have the impression that you’re not good enough. I felt I wasn’t good enough on multiple occasions, maybe that is why I tried so hard. People after asked me “Why didn’t you sing? Are you still going out with him?” And after I was invited to a BBQ that was really hard to attend because of how I felt but I kept my attitude in check. His family thought it was absolutely ridiculous that I was hurt about this situation. His sister had another going away party this time American themed. I was invited of course by her. But with all the crap going on between my ex and I asked him if he wanted me there. He said I don’t know. So I asked him again later, same answer. After a couple of tries he said “if you can forget all of our problems for a night you can come” and I was all ‘I can do that” and then he said “but you can’t be sour in anyway. I’d there is a game you don’t like pretend to like it, if someone says something that offends you don’t react, if someone insults you as a joke, brush it off” I mean I can keep myself in check if I am hurt or if something bothers me… but if someone insults me I have to take it like an idiot and not defend myself? You don’t say that to a person, you don’t invite them into your home on condition. I would not have even done that to someone I hate. I asked for something in return if I was to obey his conditions at the party. I asked him at the end of the night, that he would follow me to bed. He then went into a “what does it matter if you go to bed and then I go 30-45 mins later?” I said it was important to me but it didn’t really matter. So when I called him he gave me silence than an unenthusiastic “yes” like I was ruining his fun. You know me, I mean I don’t go to bed early. And he said why does there need to be a time, (I gave an example of 11;30-midnight) I said it was just an example, there wasn’t a time. I just needed to know that he would follow me… that was the other reason i didn’t go. He didn’t want to follow me. Anyway I took that as a real sign that he didn’t want me there. That wasn’t a yes. I told him to make his life easier I wouldn’t go. Then all communication has been cold from his side. His family thought that request was utterly ridiculous. But I was getting nothing, no time I wanted just a little time. Then he said that everything isn’t always about me I god damn know that. But I put him first. Before me, there was music, baseball, the sister he adores, family, his mother’s orders, umpiring, job, then me. I told him that I didn’t feel like a priority several times and he didn’t do anything. One of my by friends said it appears that he thinks I become sour around him, but if he would have worked a bit. other say because his is his first relationship he doesn’t know how to be in one, others say I deserve better and they don’t know why I put up with it

    I never really had he concept of family. So when I told that to him and he welcomed me I to his. He told me is mom said whoever he loves they will love, consider my sisters yours. I became attached. And for all this to be cut from my life along with the one I love is something terribly hard. Why must a relationship be on his time alone? I mean all I wanted was something in return on my time. The only time that was worthy enough was at his house and an activity with his family. Like his schedule this semester he has two early mornings and I was all “I get to see him and do stuff with him on my time because he’ll get more time to sleep. He said I am trying to find out which night is more worth it. I wasn’t worth it? I posted things on Facebook the last 2 weeks because it is helping me cope. According to him his mother almost contacted me to stop. She said they were out of line. I have asked other people what they think of the posts and they say they are necessary and inspirational. Anyway I actually apologized to his mom. I said I that I was sorry if j did anything she considered irrational, that I really loved her so and this is extremely hard for me. I was ignored. She saw it and answered it is really hard on him to but he has to make his own choices in life and that I was lovely and that she wished me well. What did I do wrong to not even be addressed? In some way I feel used. I don’t understand. Why do you leave if you still love the person? Did I ask for too much? But how can I follow something that isn’t equal? I sort of wised he lied, because I have hope because of that. I felt great, real love when I held him or he held me, but I didn’t know how to feel that way all the time. I used to feel that way all the time. He used to be there. Everything changed after Christmas when I over stayed my welcome at his house and he payed more attention to be than his family. His mom talked to him and said family is important and I slowly wasn’t a priority anymore and by summer.

    His mom didn’t answer me until after 4/5 days after I apologized her He denies anything concerning his family. He is blind to the real situation I have tried to tell him. My teacher says he will never have a successful relationship until he realizes. His 2nd eldest sister isn’t in music but in travel. She actually has a 50/50 relationship going on and it drives because she misses some “crucial” family time to be with her boyfriend and my ex and his mom nuts. His mom said it was like they were living on their own while her house became lodging. She is your daughter for god sake let her grow up, it didn’t really bother his eldest sister that just left for Indiana, which left him heartbroken because they are really close, or their dad. He obeys his mom like a puppy. He was on the path of growth until his mother stunted it during Christmas break. This doesn’t help that he is 5 years younger than me.

    There is girl that they took under their wing since she was 5, she finally moved in when she turned 18. I never really trusted her because my ex and she get along so well. He considers her as his sister but I just have this funky feeling that they will end up together. Sounds harsh but his mom would like that; it wouldn’t bring toxic into their little club. I told him I was uncomfortable with her and he just didn’t understand how I didn’t see her as his sister. This all comes from his mom though. Like my ex doesn’t do so well in his general education classes but is phenomenal in music. The expectation to “do your best” more like be perfect is crazy especially in music. I caught him crying once because he got a 97 on a theory final and he was disappointed and said he could do better? And now since his eldest sister is in Indiana for her masters, my ex has been promoted to everything she did. Teaching music theory at a music school on Saturdays, all her piano students and the biggest thing that I think he might fail at because he is not his sister, musical director of her choir. He has no experience in choir direction at all and it was placed upon him. He hasn’t seen any of his friends from school all summer and I mean I saw his eldest sister go out for lunch go out with friends and be back in time for dinner or not too late And well his second eldest sister pretty much has a 50/50 committed relationship going on like I said so she sees her friends a couple of times and is mostly with her boyfriend and since this girl moved in they complain that they see less of her now than then she lived with her mom and came over to visit. She is always out with her friends or work.

    I went to so many places for answers and I didn’t get any just lots of advice. I did the no contact rule until school started again. that was for about 2 1/2 weeks. I gave him a coffee as a peace offering on the second day of school and said I wanted a form a closure. So… after all that he gave me 3 weeks of anxiety and false hope. I thought he still had feelings so Friday I did this. I wanted to talk to him and he knew it so I tried to catch him off guard. It didn’t work. I was trying to make him want me again and it didn’t work. I said I wanted to talk and go out for coffee. But instead I took him to all the places where we had our best times and I tried to make him see what we had. I tried to make it fun. He was unimpressed and unresponsive. By our last stop, our bench at the theatre where he officially asked me out. I was discouraged by this point and my cute plan of drawing a circle on a piece of paper saying we have come full circle didn’t happen and I told him I was going to do that, but by his reactions he would probably find it useless instead of romantic. I pulled out a note he wrote to me last Christmas. It said that he didn’t know how someone as talented and beautiful as me actually wanted to date him, how he was in disbelief and overjoyed. How I was his lover and best friend and how much he loved me. He looked at me and said that he didn’t feel that way anymore, that he didn’t regret his decision, he is happier than he has ever been and that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I asked him when he fell out of love and he said he didn’t know. He said the day he broke up with me, he went to bed feeling relived that I wasn’t in his life like that anymore. Yet he still said he loved me when we broke up to which he said there is a difference between being in love and loving someone. He lead me on, giving me false hope that he still loved me and that circumstance just didn’t allow. I explained the stages of relationship and he just sat there saying that he predicted everything I was going to say and yet he still let me think that entire journey through the city that there was maybe something there. He told me he went along with it because he wanted to believe I wasn’t lying to him, that I really wanted closure and not to get back together. he knew I still loved him.

    When he left me and I had some answers, I went into a panic attack. I couldn’t believe he had fallen out of love with me. I sent texts of really raw emotion. I regret sending them, I feel that blew my chance. He sees me as dependent. “I might go off the grid. I haven’t felt this much pain in a long time. I fear I might fail this semester if I continue school. I am very close to dropping it, I have thought about this for about a week. This is just too much for me. You might not see me. I wish you nothing but the best because above anyone else you deserve it, I love you goodbye. Just be grateful for your family, because I considered them mine and I lost them. You never know when you might”

    His family thinks that I am immature, that I didn’t act my age around him. But there was no maturity to bounce off of. I didn’t really use my head and went with my heart the entire time because well I fell deep and it was deeper than I ever fell before. So I guess that could be what they saw. I mean everyone knew we were dating, so we acted like a couple, you know holding hands, snuggling on the couch, him putting his arm over me during desert when we had supper. But his family said it was too much affection in ‘public’ … erm, you mean private? It was his house for god sake… it wasn’t like we were making out 24/7. When his mother talked to him at Christmas about how we should act more the friends around people it took a good month and a half for him to even put his hand on my knee in front of his parents like a supper or something. Is that too much affection?
    And well I lost myself completely with this guy. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I wasn’t the same me. I even went to therapy for him. He is fabulous musician. I was trying to see myself worthy for him and not comparing myself to him all the time. People seemed to think it was because I wanted to be better than him or everyone, but I started to doubt myself and anytime he would do better, my self-worth for just went down. I was proud of him, I just didn’t show it or just got mad and it came off badly.

    He never made me feel sexy and I always wondered why. I lost my confidence and fun side. I wasn’t spontaneous anymore because he wanted everything planned. He blamed me for asking too much of him when I gave my everything. He couldn’t even call, he couldn’t even come over, and he was too busy. It’s like I was trying to fit their mold. But I didn’t succeed and they shut me out He is influenced heavily by his mother and she said, “She’s lovely, but she isn’t the girl for you” Everyone I have asked for advice says “Maybe he isn’t right for you” but not a direct statement, they leave me to choose. he didn’t talk to me for a week before he broke up with me, I tried and I got very, very small talk and his answer was always, ” I need time” My good friend, my voice teacher, knows the family and says they are toxic, not the one’s who come in from outside. They just don’t see that. And that family holds my voice teacher in high regards.
    Last night I spoke to him on how to actually break up with someone clearly. That I don’t want anyone else to go through what he made me go through. It was my 6th relationship and it was his first so I consider it normal I suppose.

    And still, after all of this, I want him back. Are my chances gone?

    • C. Moon
      September 2, 2014 | 2:34 am

      Well I haven’t felt sexy since April/May of this year… to be honest. We started dating October 2013.

    • C. Moon
      September 2, 2014 | 2:44 am

      The beginning paragraph explains a month before the break up… ahhh I can’t even get my thoughts straight :(

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 2:28 pm

      I am not here to judge you on if you want him back or not. But I will say this. To me it seems like when you were with him he made you a worse version of yourself and not a better one…

      • C. Moon
        September 2, 2014 | 6:08 pm

        But I feel that I made so many mistakes. If I hadn’t it have been so much better. :( You think it’s a bad idea don’t you.

        • admin
          September 3, 2014 | 2:38 pm

          I do.

          • C. Moon
            September 3, 2014 | 8:09 pm

            Am I the first one to whom you said no to help? I really think it is his mom that’s the problem and well he’s 18 :/. I felt that I learned about relationships after the break up, I really didn’t know what I was doing because I never thought with my head, I just did whatever my heart said to do. So of course I lost myself. I truly believe that with my new knowledge it would be different. What if I wait and he also become more mature? Why can this work?

            • C. Moon
              September 3, 2014 | 9:23 pm

              I said too much didn’t I? You don’t want to help me. I come off angry in the post. I’m still irrational with raw emotion aren’t I?

              • admin
                September 4, 2014 | 12:14 pm

                No thats not it at all I am just extremely busy so sometimes I don’t get to answer everyone I want to. I am sorry that is my fualt.

              • Brian
                September 15, 2014 | 10:45 pm

                Hey C.Moon. I was just reading over posts and yours is the one I had to reply to. I don’t even know you but trust me you can do so much better than this immature mama’s boy. You are young and there are so many other guys out there who will treat you like a real woman and like you deserve to be treated. I know its hard but only time will heal you. Be with someone who appreciates and accepts you for who you are. You shouldn’t have to change who you are for anybody. Things will be better off without this crazy family in your life. Believe me.

  23. Ellie
    September 1, 2014 | 9:29 pm

    I have a massive thank you to make. I know you probably won’t remember, but I wrote on here almost a year ago about H and M, the two guys in my life.
    And yesterday, I fixed it. H (my guy), came back to me (M is long gone, the cheating, rapist bastard). He said that he missed me and he wanted to be friends again, but that all the old feelings were still there and that he still loved me. We’re taking it slow, testing the waters; a lot of awful stuff passed between us and he’s a little nervous of it happening again. As are all of our friends because they don’t get the intense connection we have! We’re both nervous, but I definitely have my friend back and for that I thank you so, so much. I don’t know if I couldn’t have done it without studying the relevant pages of your blog!
    I put him in no contact (because it was really him to start it, I felt he had to end it), and after months of not speaking at college but seeing each other at friend’s parties and at work, we started talking again.
    Eventually, after seeing how I’d changed into a decent human being, he accepted his feelings of wanting me back and here we are!
    I think I even managed to become a UG from the amount of male friend who suddenly found me attractive…
    Thank you so, so much! I am definitely recommending your blog and techniques to any of my friends in need!!

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 1:46 pm

      Wow, you are so welcome. So happy to hear this!!

      Made my day.

  24. Anna
    September 1, 2014 | 7:25 pm

    My breakup is only a week old and me and him have been talking everyday since then, even saw each other twice. (Since we broke up, he still would hold my hand, kiss my forehead and even kissed my lips goodbye, which confuses me deeply)
    Is it too late to start the no contact rule? (We broke up due to the fact he wasn’t “happy” in the relationship, we dated for nine months, I assume he was getting bored or something)

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 1:32 pm

      Not to late at all.

  25. Christine
    August 31, 2014 | 11:18 pm

    Hello Chris… Im Christine, from Sweden and – you are my last hope, nobody seems to get what im dealing with so, please..

    A year ago, I met my true love, click, bang, boom and we were insanely in love. I’m 25, he likewise.

    But .. early in the relationship, I showed destructive behavior in the form of jealousy, telling little lies and all that you get in a package of being a person with low self-esteem. We fought atleast once a week, for a year. But.. aside from that we had a beautiful chemistry and relationship over all. My best friend and love.

    But – a month ago, the final bomb came, he said – seek help otherwise we are completely over. I said – Ok, I will look for help. The bomb struck down not only in our relationship, but for me, as an awakening to, damn .. I have to deal with myself.

    So, I looked for private help and found a really good therapist and only got to see the therapist one time before my boyfriend left me, he slammed on the brakes, said that “this is the end, for good, but I love you, you are my true love, I’m crazy in love .. but you make me sick and anxious and I promise that I will never have a relationship with you ever again. ”

    The next two weeks we saw each other sporadically, camped out in the woods, ate dinner, had cozy evenings at home, playing video games ..then he went silent for a week. I broke the silence and called him, we met up last weekend when I called him and wanted to talk.
    Talk about? Yes, I simply wanted to apologize for my behavior, how all my inner anger passed over him, how I behaved downright wrong. We met and communicated as never ever. In five hours, we were at his place and listened, understand, spoke, respected. Absolutely fantastic. Which ended with awesome sex .. uf.

    The following day we woke up, lying in bed and talking good again .. then I mentioned our relationship and he ”woke up from of a bubble,” and told me that he will never have a relationship with me again. My therapist calls on the cell phone, I answer and we booked the new session. When I hung up my ex says he wants to follow me to the next session ….. but only as a friendly gesture (point out this hard!) (?)
    My ex drove me home in his car, saying that “we need to stop being intimate now, we will never get back together” then he kisses me and drove away.

    So om aug 14th, he accompanied to my therapist, gave his opinion of me, and how we had it in the relationship – which is good for my work and my therapist to understand me more. In the middle .. he started crying .. never seen this. He cried when he talked about his feelings for me.

    But he certainly claimed 5 times during the session that “we will never have a relationship again, She will not hear from me again .. but I love her, is just here as a friend now,” he confidently said like that 100 times over the last month now.. who is he trying to convince, anyway? He said he could go on MAXIMUM three sessions more with me then I get to go on my own. My therapist says “we do not need more, thanks.”

    So when we were done with the session my ex turns to me and says ”I would be happy to hear from you…” and walked away …….

    Whats going on?

    I love the man with all my heart, but I’m not ready for a relationship with him now, even if he wanted, but when I am .. do you think he can change his mind? He is not responsive to feelings now.

    I have made tremendous progress in a short time with my therapy, my self esteem comes on and I’ve never felt like this strongly positive before. I’m on my way to something really good!

    Ps. Haven’t heard from him since that last day and I haven’t made any form of contact..



    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 12:29 pm

      Did he give any more reason for the breakup than what you mentioned here?

      • Christine
        September 3, 2014 | 7:52 pm

        He really only said that the relationship made ​​him feel very bad and anxious because out of all the fights and my jealousy. He also said that the only thing he asked of me is that I should not to try break his core values​​, like getting to sleep at night for example. I used to keep him awake when I was angry..

        But he never mentioned that it would be because he lost feelings, quite the contrary, that they would be stronger than ever.

        I think hes really stubborn, havent heard from him in 3 weeks no during NC. I dont understand, he doesnt want a relationship with me but last time we met he said “Id like to hear from you” wtf :O

        I bought your book to, but still feels like a mess about what to do.

        BUT the good thing is im feeling okay, and my sessions going great! :) Sad he cant see that though.

      • Christine
        September 13, 2014 | 12:39 pm

        its been 32 days now with NC.. as I read in your book, shall I now take the first step with an sms or do you think he needs more time? May I should let him take the first step?

        Need help now.. :/

      • Christine
        September 13, 2014 | 2:00 pm

        Thought maybe I should wait for him to contact me first so I dont scare him of or push him away even if its just a friendly message from me with a touch of good memroies in it —

        • Christine
          September 14, 2014 | 10:23 pm

          NM.. I sent a “good reminder text” today and got a pos answer, so now Ill wait two days and gonna send another one almost like it before i continue to “I have a confession..” Hope this gonna work out. Have been reading your book like 5 times just tonight to be prepared so, wish me luck. Haha! :D

  26. Caroline
    August 29, 2014 | 3:19 pm

    Hi! I continually read everything and your site is definitely the best! My ex BF & I dated on and off for 2 years. It was a whirlwind and in retrospect we probably moved too fast. We had both come from serious long-term relationships that lacked passion. We had a ton of passion and things in common, and overall had a very loving relationship. He broke-up with me 6-7 weeks ago. In the past we would end up back together in a few days, maybe even hours. This time, he had a new GF 2-3 weeks after we broke-up. I know it is a rebound but it doesn’t make me feel any better. She is new to town so they spend all their time together which was his #1 complaint with our relationship. I was always busy so we only saw each other a couple times a week. When we first broke-up I did the worst things; I texted, emailed, called, online stalked him and his new GF. I would profess my love then tell him I hate him! For a while he would respond half the time saying; “we both need space”, “you will find happiness. You are a great person”, regarding our possible future “I do love…This is still fading, I do care, and you know I hate saying never what if I wondered what you are up to?”. I told him that is insulting to me and his new GF. I finally gained some control of myself and stopped talking to him. Then 2 weeks of NC, he messaged me in an online game forum we both play. We messaged only in the game about the game, I’d even wait 12-24 hrs to respond. Then randomly he messaged about a song that they played at a concert he just went to, that I used to like. I didn’t respond. Then 4 days later he messaged about how he had to get a new phone battery. I wasn’t going to respond but then just said “ok…” to that he responded “yup sorry, didn’t need to tell you that i guess” and “yea, maybe a lil weird lol. I’ll stop”. I texted him asking if I needed a new battery. I wanted to get us back to texting instead of using the game forum to communicate…which I’m assuming he used because it’s safer? I do still love him a ton and am scared that he will actually stop and not tell me anything anymore…now what? Do I go to NC? Do I need to stop playing the online game? I’m confused as to why he would send me those irrelevant & useless messages? As for myself since the break-up; I work out every day, I’m doing well financially, I’m going to church and started volunteering again but I still feel so empty inside and I still want him back! Thank you for listening and any guidance…

    • Caroline
      August 29, 2014 | 3:30 pm

      I forgot to mention that his new GF is VERY similar to me; physically, career, and family…

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 12:06 pm

      What did he cite as the reason for his breakup?

  27. Rizza
    August 29, 2014 | 2:36 pm

    Hi…im so glad that i found this since i am so much broken right fiance and i broke up a couple of days ago with a reason that it wasnt me but him..that he do not know what to do..that he likes me and love me but there is something missing and he dont know why that he need space for himself..what hurts most is that we used to be super happy and sweet before that day we just had small argumentation jealousy on both sides early that day and with just that reason he broke up with me…i am still here in his house but im planning to move to my friend soon as she arrives from her vacation. I love this guy so much and i dont want to loose him..i want him back…i really love him….what is the best thing for me to do???i hope you can help me..waiting for your reply.God bless always

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 12:01 pm

      Best thing to do is follow the directions scattered throughout this site and on this page.

  28. Elena
    August 27, 2014 | 3:41 am

    Hello my name is Elena, I broke up with my ex over two years ago. I still love him very much. He is currently dating someone of over a year now. I want to implement this guide in order to see if I can get him back. He is the love of my life. We had a great relationship, yet we broke up for some reasons, however we had a very bad break up he was my first bf. I made many mistakes and made more when I found out he had a gf. I was devastated and didn’t know how to react when I found out. Would anyone other than Chris be able to help me with this? I’d appreciate it so much! THank you!

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 12:29 pm

      You dont want my help :(

  29. Anna
    August 26, 2014 | 11:51 pm

    Hi. Where do I start my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me. He said you know “its not you its me” phase he said he still want to be friends and talk to me but he seems like he doesn’t give a damn about me. This bits a bit personal but oh well I told him I haven’t had my period this month and his reply was “your not stop pushing it” so I just left it cause I didn’t really know what to say to it. I still love him to bits he said he needs time to think about us but he keeps telling me to go out and look for Another boyfriend. And the truth is I love him to bits he was always there for me and he said he would always be there now I feel like he doesn’t give a flying monkey about me. I stupidly told him how much I love him and he told me he need time by himself for a while.what should I do xx

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 12:20 pm

      Have you entered into NC yet?

  30. MaraS
    August 26, 2014 | 3:22 pm

    Hey Chris,
    I’ve read most of your website and I’m having trouble with one major thing. My ex and I were off and on all through college. There were really bad aspects of our relationship and really good aspects. He would break it off and come back every time (we broke up about 3x total) and I’ve always waited at least a month before contacting after a break up… if at all. He ended it when we graduated 2 months ago, but we’ve ended up in the same city (for school and work respectively).
    My questions are, what is you opinion on on and off ex’s (do they follow the same rules/are they as likely to come back)? Also, if I were to try to get him back (I want to but I want to make sure I can let any resentment go) what timeline would you suggest?
    Thanks for all your advice,
    p.s. he texted me exactly 30 days after NC saying “hope you’re well” and referencing a movie we watched. I texted him a week later and got a so-so response. It’s been a month since then

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 11:52 am

      I think on and off is never a good thing because it means someone is willing to use “breaking up” as a way to get what they want and I also think feelings get ruined a little bit if it happens to often. (Your feelings.)

      • MaraS
        August 28, 2014 | 3:07 pm

        Thanks Chris and yeah, I’ve never really understood the underlying reasons for the break ups (never because of a fight) so I think it’s hard to let it go because I believe we can work (and know but don’t really understand why he doesn’t think we can).

        Also I know you said never delete your ex of facebook but if I decide to follow the “get over him” path does it matter as much (would it be super immature of me too delete him)? I’m not someone who believes in being friends with your ex until you have had ample (many months/years) time to get over each other so I wouldn’t be looking to stay in contact via social media/at all.

        Basically, what’s your opinion on girls who delete their exes off of social media pages when trying to get over them?

        Thanks again for all your advice! It’s cool to get a guys perspective on this stuff/a perspective that doesn’t immediately say “Forget about him, boys suck!”

        • admin
          August 29, 2014 | 11:52 am

          No if you decide to get over him I would say you can delete him on Facebook.

  31. Lisa
    August 26, 2014 | 2:39 pm

    Hi I was with my partner for 4 years and lived together for the last 2. We both came to the agreement that he would move out for lots of reason but basically we wasn’t having any fun no more. We stayed in contact for the first month then completely broke up. Since then he has come and stayed the night twice but the last time we both really missed each other and told each other that we was still in love. However after he left and within a couple of days I started to feel things weren’t right so I honey trapped him on a dating web site that I knew he was on and of course he responded and gave out his number. I told him that I had done this and ended it. I deeply miss him so much and want him back but he’s blocked me on the phone. Altogether he has been moved out for 3 months now but the last contact of this honey trap was 11 days ago. Today I’ve found out that he is seeing someone else and I’m so distraught over this. Do you think this plan will work for me?

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 11:48 am

      Well, were you two ever offically back together?

  32. Maria
    August 25, 2014 | 6:25 pm

    First of all, thank you very much for your time and your advices. My story is long, but it is summarized in 3 years of a wonderful relationship even with their ups and downs. I think that the things that deteriorated our relationship was the distance since I was studying away from home and also the routine in which we got caught . Five months ago I decided to break up with my ex. I made the decision because he did something that was very disrespect to another lady, his classmate and I was very ashamed and surprise of how immature he was behaving at that time. Even thou I was frustrated and disappointed I was positive that we were perfect for each other and that we were going to be able to overcome everything by having some time apart. Unfortunately in that moment I was again leaving the country to go to a review course for my boards and spent 2 months there. In all those months we kept separated without communication because during that time I thought we were having the time to think and reflect on us and then give us a new opportunity to begin a new and healthy relationship. About 6 weeks ago or so, I found out that he is in a relationship with a girl he met a year ago while doing his Masters. It has been extremely painful to find out that only a few days after our breakup he was already in a new relationship. Also I think that he was with her while having the relationship with me. He denies ir…off course! It is the hardest thing I’ve had to face in my entire life. In these weeks I’ve been trying to move on. I have to admit that I did the typical mistakes when dealing with a break up. I insulted him and it got ugly because he ended up blocking me from all the social media except instagram. For some reason he still wants to see my pictures. Then I sent an email apologizing and he answered me. He says that if he had known about my feelings sooner this would not be happening. So this is all my fault according to him. He says that he kept me in his mind, even his subconscious brings special memories and that I will always have a special place in his heart. All these words just confused me and destroy me at once. After I found out about his new relationship I did the 30 days no contact rule and after that I started to send him a few texts. I wrote 3 texts and he answer the third one. His response was neutral but positive. He even sent his greetings to my nephew who was very special to him. All this happened last week and I was very happy for his reply. But also that same week he makes public his relationship with her on facebook and he upload photos where he looks very happy. Now I don’t know what to do. He answer me but he seems to be happy. Should I continue texting or should I move on? Do you thing I have any chance? He has 5 months with her and Im afraid to do something that will hurt me even more. It has been so hard for me to move on because we had the most amazing three years together and still love him. We were engaged and also we were planing our future weeding and family. I don’t want to lose him but I feel I did. I want to know if his answer to my text means something or not…..I am so hurt and I want him in my life but I don’t want to keep hurting myself while he is happy with her. What should I do? Thanks for your help.

  33. Rebecca
    August 19, 2014 | 1:27 am

    Hi there. I’m not sure if this has been answered but how long should one wait in between contact points (i.e. first contact, second contact and so forth)?

    Thank you :)

    • admin
      August 19, 2014 | 2:30 pm

      Usually at the beginning 1-3 days but slowly but surely you want to get on a schedule where you are talking every day.

  34. Lulu
    August 18, 2014 | 10:13 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend of one year just broke up with me. He says he is not ready for a relationship, yet he keeps telling me he is so in love with me. He texts me still but I still feel the distance… What should I do?

    • admin
      August 19, 2014 | 2:29 pm

      How does he say it when he says he loves you?

  35. jem j
    August 18, 2014 | 1:58 pm

    hey, i just stumbled across this website and your advice looks great. you see i broke up with my boyfrend last year and he got together with another girl and hes still with her, but during that time he said to me we still have a chance in the future, he has gone on exchange over seas for a year and we havent talked about us for a while, i miss him all the time and it bugs me. im wondering if you think i should tell him i still miss him, or wait to see if they ever split up. i feel i cant move on until i know. thanks so much i hope u can help
    jem :)

    • admin
      August 19, 2014 | 2:00 pm

      I wouldn’t tell him that. Don’t do anything to make him think he can get you at this point. Men want what they can’t have. Remember that.

  36. jaylin
    August 16, 2014 | 1:20 am

    Please reply :(

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:36 pm


      How can I help?

  37. lorna
    August 15, 2014 | 6:44 pm

    Hey so me and my ex bf have been broken up 2 months now it was unexpected his excuse was he wanted to travel to australia with his friend only his friend is already gone with oit him, we were together 2 years we are eachothers first bf and gf, a week after we broke up he started sleeping and going on dates with a girl he works with, I found out and there was bad words between us, a wk and a half ago we met up and he asked if I was seeing anyone I said yes, he got freaked started looking like it hurt him and said he still loves me and she doesn’t compare to me, I held onto that and the next day asked would we try again, he said too much has happened that we should give up, we haven’t talked in a week but I really want him back 85% of the time we where good and had our arguments, any advice? Thank you!

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:23 pm

      Is he still currently with the girl he works with?

  38. electra
    August 14, 2014 | 11:49 pm

    My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me right before he left for a month long trip. We live together, so its complicated, Leasing, ect ext. When he returned he was behaving like nothing happened still flirty affectionate and wanting to go on dates and we did. I soon found out that he had started a few different dating accounts and I flipped out. I found it extremely disrespectful and inappropriate because we still live together and whats the rush why is acting desperate with these sites? He deactivated his accounts and apologized. Also he seemed to be trying to start things with me flirting hand holding ect .We had a nice few weeks when he returned and so I was priming him to talk about reconcilation but he declined. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. NO WAY thats going to happen. He left again for 3 weeks for some other obligation. I told him right before he left for the airport that I agree to the break up and will not pursue him any more and will start dating. He changed the subject and exchanged fair wells. I deleted him from all of my social media. Im thinking that I should implement the no contact. I just don’t know if that even makes a difference at this point.

    • electra
      August 19, 2014 | 7:23 pm


  39. Yara
    August 13, 2014 | 9:27 pm

    Dear Chris,

    Firstly, thank you very much for putting this together. I really enjoyed reading your guide and the points articulated make sense.

    My Question is:
    Do the get your boyfriend back if the two people are in two different but nearby countries??

    I met him while i was on a project with his company, we connected greatly, then we took it to the next step. few weeks after he seemed to push away. I overreacted and couldn’t handle him pushing away so he broke up with me. He has always been nice and gave a special goodbye before I left. I went on NC afterwards and i am on day 25 now. any advice on next steps?

    Thank you very very much!!

    • admin
      August 14, 2014 | 12:22 pm

      Is it a long distance type thing?

  40. Jordan
    August 13, 2014 | 5:30 pm

    Hi I really need your advice. My boyfriend and I well I guess now ex boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. We truly did love each other. He was going to purpose to me and everything an I would have said yes. Well I caught him talking to his ex. Nothing bad but this was a girl I told him he couldn’t talk to again because of issues I’ve had with her in the past. Well I was so hurt he broke my trust I broke it off with him and needed time to think. In that time he begged me back almost every day crying to me but I wasn’t ready yet. Now I’m ready and he’s found someone new. I’m so beyond heart broken thag I don’t even know what to do with myself. I begged him back for days and he just said he needed space and he doesn’t see us together right now. So we agreed not to talk to each other so he can have time to think about us. Do I still have a chance with him? Or did I lose him for good to this other girl.. When we said our goodbyes he told me he was still in love with me he just needed time but I don’t know if he’s just saying that to make me feel better so I will leave him alone. I’m so lost I need help :(

    • admin
      August 14, 2014 | 12:01 pm

      Wait, is he dating his ex?

      • Jordan
        August 14, 2014 | 3:30 pm

        No he’s not. This is a girl he met at the gym he goes too. He told me they aren’t anyhing right now he just has a crush on her and wants to get to know her.. And that hurts so bad. I just want him back more than anything. I truly love him with all my heart.

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