How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t. We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him get back with you I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have.

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

Here Is The Truth

It is impossible to guarantee that you can get a previous boyfriend back 100% of the time. However, it is possible to significantly raise your chances. The keyword there being SIGNIFICANTLY and before you get all argumentative I have seen the tactics outlined on this page work time and time again. It isn’t necessarily a fast process but there is proof out there to back up the claims being made.

But First..

Getting your ex back is going to be tough. This page, while amazingly detailed, won’t have every single step that you will need to successfully get him back. It is such a complicated process that even the 10,000 words on this page can’t cover everything you need to know. I have been running this site for quite some time and get an incredible amount of emails and comments every single day. Each person wants me to give them a detailed step by step plan that they can follow to get their ex back. The fact of the matter is that it is such a complex process that I really can’t give you everything you need in a post, email, comment or Facebook chat.

Don’t worry though, I saw this problem and spent two months creating that step by step plan people were clamoring for. It took me 20,000 words but I finally did it! I highly recommend you check it out if you get a chance. Click the link below!

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

What This Page Is About

relationship infographic

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

Here are some of the things that will be covered:

  • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  • Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back
  • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex
  • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
  • What To Do & What Not To Do
  • What To Do If He Cheated On You
  • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
  • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
  • How To Define Your Dating Goals

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

The No Contact Rule

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we do any soul searching or serious strategizing you are going to have to implement the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it. Remember above when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is done for two reasons.


Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.


Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.


He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Special Cases Where You Have To Contact During No Contact

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

What Caused The Breakup?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On Men

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

He Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks. I feel for you but don’t worry we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex gave you for the break up is really why they broke up with you. This may sound a bit mean but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.


(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

You Broke Up With Him?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

You don’t feel attracted to him anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

There was a big fight and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goal

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

  • Saying you will die without him.
  • That he’s your whole life.
  • You’ll never find someone better.
  • Your not happy alone.
  • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Re-Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

  • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking or writing your ex boyfriend.
  • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
  • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
  • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
  • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

  • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
  • Staying home and not going out.
  • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
  • Making big life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend ;) .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Physical Changes You Can Make:

You can change your hairstyle- I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

Get in shape- There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

Clean up your diet- Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

Mental Changes You Can Make:

Focus on work- It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

Renew a hobby- I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

Have fun- If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)


This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

Your Means Of Contact

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

The Phone

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkerish and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.


Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

The Game Plan

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Lets take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.

First Contact Text Message 

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big No-No’s

  • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

  • You have to be positive
  • You have to be confident
  • Again, don’t expect anything.
  • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
  • The messages can’t be too long.
  • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts

One Word Texts-



“What’s Up”


You get the gist here I hope.

GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts

For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:


Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

Remembering The Good Times

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

Big No-No’s

  • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”


Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

How To Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. That is a certainty. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

The Rules

  • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
  • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
  • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

The Heart To Heart Conversations

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

Important Things To Remember

  • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

Taking THE Risk


Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

Guidelines For The Call

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

Two Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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5,083 Responses to How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  1. Kitty
    January 29, 2015 | 11:28 pm

    I manage to sms my ex bf a message to hint him that I know what he have done and he have betrayed me who end the relationship yet blame on me. So he asking me what is it and since when but I ignore and he got so angry keep texting me said I always Mia at wrong timing etc and he choose to believe I tink it’s all bullshit cos he have been super cold to me and very firm on the break up and wasn’t talking to me for 2 weeks all his msg is its over and short ok reply. Right now am I correct to ignore his msg and carry out the nc? But now hr seem angry cos I’m not replying the msg to explain what I have know :)

    • admin
      January 30, 2015 | 4:29 pm

      Wait, what did he do?

      Did he cheat?

  2. Kathryn
    January 29, 2015 | 10:44 pm

    My ex broke up with me out of the blue. We had only been dating 4.5 months, but we always had a good time. We never had any issues. We enjoyed hanging out and enjoyed some of the same things, but we both enjoyed time alone or with friends. We had a great physical relationship as well. He would call and text every morning and night because he wanted too. We both worked. I’m still confused. One weekend we are out having a great time with friends. Come Tuesday I notice he is a little distant but says he is fine and by Thursday the dreaded “we need to talk”. So when we talk he tells me “It’s not me, it is him”, and then “He just isn’t good with relationships”, and then he didn’t see it going anywhere. He had been single for a while like over a year and a half. I figured maybe it was a commitment thing, however I don’t know what to think or do. I asked him what I did if anything and he said nothing. I left it at that and haven’t had any contact with him since. It was a Thursday we broke up and that Monday I returned his clothes I had and just sent a friendly text letting him know I left it outside his house. Going on almost 2 weeks now and I turned my fb off so I had no contact in any way, shape or form. I deleted all pictures and messages. I was told by his friends gf who is a mutual friend he had thought about breaking up with me on that Tuesday. All he said to his friend was I was a “great girl” but just didn’t work or click. I don’t know exact words. I liked him a lot. What should I do? I’d like to give it a shot on getting back together but I would like to know your thoughts. Any recommendations or ideas? Thanks

    • admin
      January 30, 2015 | 4:23 pm

      So, it really came out of nowhere?

      ARe you in NC?

  3. kay
    January 29, 2015 | 9:10 pm

    My ex broke up with me this past December after over two years of dating exclusively. It came out of the blue; we were preparing for date night and he came to my house and just broke down. We messaged each other back and forth…where we felt wronged, Merry Christmas, no Happy New Years text, and trying to get our stuff back from each others homes. About a month and a half later of NC I messaged him to meet me at a coffee shop between our homes to exchange stuff and possibly talk. He texts me immediately back with an okay, I’ll see you then. The day before we would meet, he unfriends me on FB which bummed me out. The day of the meet he wouldn’t stop texting to me before we were supposed to meet up. I told him I’d see him later and left. When I saw him his eyes were red and puffy, indicating crying. We sat and talked for about an hour: where we went wrong as individuals, as a couple (basically, letting the past and others have a say in us), and he kept complimenting me on my looks. I asked where does that lead us and he says that I’d find happiness in my next relationship. Again, bummed. He says that he’s bee going out a lot, drinking. I ask why, he says it’s been hard to get over me so he deleted me off of FB. We walk around the block of the coffeehouse for another hour and he says he wants to hang with me but it would be hard because all he’d want to do was kiss me. I don’t say anything and keep walking. Then we make mention about he does believe in second chances, I say I do when things end on good notes because it shows that the person can grow and learn from their mistakes. As we round the corner and walk to my vehicle to get his belongings his face gets really sad. He says “f*** it”, grabs me and kisses me. Passionate. I can feel it in his arms wrapped around my waist, in his kiss. I accidentally nuzzle his neck and quickly apologize. He kisses me again. We stare at each other and decide it’s time to go. He text me immediately afterwards and says it was so nice to see me, that he sees a positive change in me, that we need to hang soon. In the recent days he’s texted me about how much he still thinks about the good times we had and our wacky ways with each other. It may sound like things are good but in the past 24 hours, no texts from him, I’m left more lost than before because his words didn’t equate to his actions, and slightly regretting that kiss because I know I want to start over with a clean slate. Anyone have any insight as to what is going on?

    • kay
      January 29, 2015 | 9:15 pm

      *let me clarify the ending: I’ve wanted to start over with a clean slate and leaving the past in the past long before the kiss.

      • admin
        January 30, 2015 | 4:15 pm

        I think that is the smartest way to go forward.

  4. nikki
    January 29, 2015 | 2:18 pm

    refer to precious comments

    • admin
      January 30, 2015 | 3:23 pm


  5. nikki
    January 29, 2015 | 2:04 pm

    My ex broke up with me three days ago. He is Brazilian and I am American, he is 40 and I am 28. Our relationship has been great we have always been happy, have the same goals and very respectful of one another. We went to a lounge with his best friend and his girl friend a couple of nights ago and when a man cam and set next to me and started speaking Portuguese I kept telling him that I did not understand him. My ex got upset and told me not to turn my back on him to speak to another man, a lot of drinking had been involved. His best friend tried to talk to him but he wouldn’t listen and I kept trying to tell him I was not disrespecting him. His best friend and his girlfriend kept emphasizing that I am a good person and they still want to be my friend and that they knew I did nothing wrong. I texted him for two days apologizing for my reactions because I had been drinking as well but also letting him know that i care about him and that I do not want to argue but work things out. He ignored me for two days and then finally wrote me back and said he accepted my apology but we need to both live our lives, I asked him if he wanted to work on it he said no and told me he doesn’t care anymore. He refused to discuss this with me over the phone and when I asked him what was the problem he kept referring to the incident that night as if it happened the way he thought it did. All of his friends and family said we are the most positive couple and that we are great together and that our chemistry is so great which is true, everybody thinks we should marry. I am starting the no contact rule as I have read about but I am also confused because he has always been sweet, caring, compassionate a giver, etc. I am kind of confused as to what is going on and why he is still living in the frustration of the situation that did not occur. Am I doing the right thing by initiating No Contact? Do you think he just really needs time to calm down or something?

  6. Kitty
    January 29, 2015 | 10:33 am

    Hi Chris I have something to ask ur advice. My bf break up with me and making the whole break up my fault and we have been on nc for 2 weeks but I just realised recently that actually he slept with someone. So shd i let him know that I know about it so that the whole situation will Not be against me. At least let him know I know that he is trying to push the blame to me but in fact I know the real reason. Will this make him guilty and let him know that I’m glad the reason I know and I have moved on. So that the situation reversed.

  7. Nikki
    January 28, 2015 | 8:02 pm

    My ex-boyfriend and I dated for 5 months, he is Brazilian and I am American, he is 40 and I am 28. Our relationship was always pleasant really no arguing or drama just fun times with friends, going out, learning each other’s language, etc. I returned from a work trip Friday and he took off from his second job as security to spend time with me since I had been gone all week we went to the club and had a great time with his best friend and his girl. Saturday we spent the day together and hung out with his best friend and his girl, he even mentioned us having dinner and watching the fight at the house next weekend. We went to a Go-Go that night which he originally didn’t want to go to but decided to anyway. We went out and everything was fine until a guy sat down beside me and started talking a different dialect of Portugese and I kept telling him I didn’t understand. When my ex got back from getting us drinks he didn’t want to sit next to me because he said that he is my boyfriend and I shouldn’t have turned my back to speak to another man. Things escalated and we eventually left but his best friend and his girl kept telling me that they knew that I didn’t do anything wrong and that I am good person and no matter what happens they still want to be my friend. I tried to call him on the phone as I got in my apartment as he wanted to hand me back the jacket I had given him but I refused to take it, during our phone call he said we would talk later and hung up. The following two days I sent two texts apologizing for the way I reacted but also that I was saddened at his thought that I would disrespect him. That night we had been drinking and the next day I told him how I do not like arguing and I like the fact that we are always happy together and smiling and I wanted to go back to that. He refused to respond to me but his friend did contact me and told me that if I needed help during the snow storm I could always call him and he could help me out. On the third day he contacted me and told me he accepted my apology and wanted us to both live our lives, when i asked him if he wanted to work on things he said “no i am fine”. I asked him if we could talk over the phone instead of texting this out he said “not now”. He told me he could bring whatever I had left at his house and I told him I didn’t need anything back and I hadn’t left anything. When I asked him what was the problem all he could say was you were there that night you know what happened (kind of like these events occurred to him the same way they did when he had been drinking that night).All of his friends and family loved how positive we were together and everybody really liked me and always would express to him how I was a good person, even to that night his best friend kept telling me that he couldn’t get through to him but that I was a good person and he wanted to remain my friend. I am in the beginning of the NC period and I am still confused as to how this argument ended everything and why is he still in the mindset of how things were that night. He has always been sweet and kind and protective of me but now he seems cold hearted. I am starting this process because I would love to be back with him as we helped each other grow, gave each other new experiences, danced, cooked different foods, taught each other sports and cultural differences. Do you think me taking these steps will genuinely help or is my case just completely different?

    • admin
      January 29, 2015 | 2:35 pm

      I hear the brazilians are extremely jealous.

      Brazilians and Latin men…

      Very territorial.

      I think he overreacted a bit but whats done is done.

      I do think these steps can be very helpful for you.

      • nikki
        January 29, 2015 | 3:52 pm

        Do you think that since his friends supported me and all continually told him what a good person I am that they will help at all? And during the no contact period should I not have contact with the friends either?

      • nikki
        January 30, 2015 | 1:58 pm

        So I broke the no contact rule last night because he kept saying he wanting to bring me a watch that I left that I told him to throw away and when I told him just throw it away because clearly you will never understand how much I care for you and love you. He responded: no you don’t. I feel like he did this because I had not been begging and pleading or saying anything to him for two days and he just wanted me to tell him how much I care for him and love him and all that which is why he provoked me by saying “no you don’t”. Why wouldn’t he just throw it away after I told him twice that I didn’t want him to bring it to me? I have to start NC all over again now don’t I?

        • admin
          January 30, 2015 | 4:47 pm

          He is probably getting frustrated with situation.

  8. Kitty
    January 28, 2015 | 6:06 am

    Hi Chris I have been nc with him for 2 weeks he broke up with me but I just found out 1 year ago that incident he actually slept with someone and pied to me. So now I wanna move on don’t want patch back anymore shd i just send him a msg ti said I’m picking up my stuffs at his place tml?

    • admin
      January 28, 2015 | 5:02 pm

      You should, if you want to move on go get your stuff and that can be the last you ever see him.

      • Kitty
        January 28, 2015 | 11:42 pm

        So meaning if I go and pick up my stuffs it will he the end of our relationship he won’t come back to me anymore? If I want him to come back I need to leave my stuffs at his place and do the 30 days nc? Even when now he is already moving on and chasing another girl?

  9. Ali
    January 28, 2015 | 1:56 am

    Hi, i just stumbled on this site… but my ex broke up with me 2 days ago and to be honest we’ve been having rough patches in the relationship since maybe end of november where we’d have talks and he’d be super close to breaking up with me saying “im 50/50 about loving you” or something like that. and id tell him id work on improving for him as well as letting him know i want him to help me work out our problems instead of ignoring it. and itd usually work for a little bit. then he moved into his new place the start of this month and it was all good i helped him unpack and clean and it was great. we cooked together and did things together and i honestly felt like he loved me… then 4 days ago he started acting weird and distant. he wouldnt give me a hug in the morning like he usually does, and he wouldnt say i love you until i repeated it to him once more. and then sunday morning he broke up with me. we made plans that day to hang out and then id stay over at his place for half the week. but that didnt happen seeing as he texted me to come outside my house and i see him with all my stuff packed up in bags beside him. he told me he was done. and that he didn’t feel anything for me anymore. that he didnt feel like he loved me. and that he felt like he wasnt ready for a long term relationship.
    i kinda freaked out and told him that he wasn’t trying hard enough to communicate with me and that he always thought of the negative things. even the small stuff and he wasnt thinking about the good things enough. i asked him if he felt anything when i was with him the last few days and he said yes. from time to time he did. but now he just felt like it was done.
    the key things i want to mention is he told me that we’d see each other again sometime. and that we could probably start talking again after a year or so. i asked him if he thought we could ever end up together again and he said maybe but it wont be for a long time like 5 years…. but he said he just didnt see a future with us right now… and this happened before… he broke up with me one other time 5 months into our relationship he broke up with me because we had a big communication. and after that first time i gave him around a month of no contact then i asked to see him again and he agreed to it. we talked stuff out and he realized what a mistake he did and asked to get back together to which i said yes (even though i wasnt really expecting it. i was only hoping wed stay friends). but this time im treating it really differently… it feels like this is so important. we had the same view of the future and had so much interests in common and i felt like we didnt have proper communication in the end… again. all im saying is… should i still try to get back with him even after we already broke up the first time and got back together?? i honestly really want to fix this miss communication because what we had planned together was so in common i cant really fully get over that. felt like we didnt talk enough. plus all our friends and family. even relatives know us and even expected us to stick together way longer… and all his friends are also my friends now so idk what to do… i dont want to avoid trying to do something about it. but i dont know if its the right decision after the first break up… and him being indecisive and immature by not listening and agreeing to comminicate..

    • Ali
      January 28, 2015 | 2:26 am

      oh i just want to add that i also asked if a break would be better and he said it probably wouldnt work. and i honestly just want to know if trying to get back with him a second time would even have a chance of working?

    • admin
      January 28, 2015 | 4:54 pm

      50/50 about loving you?

      No, thats not how love works.

      That makes me mad.

      Have you attempted NC yet?

      • Ali
        January 29, 2015 | 6:42 am

        yes im in the process of NC now actually but hes been doing stupid stuff… and its only been 3 days… like missing out on his classes in college that kick people out if they dont attend… and going out to bars alone.. on a weeknight and apparently already meeting up with “two nice ladies” as per my friend telling me as well as him starting to spread rumors that ive been too clingy… which was never a case… all im saying is its getting me pretty discouraged to try again… but i the NC rule is there for a reason so maybe in a months time he smartens up.

  10. Nick
    January 27, 2015 | 8:45 am

    Okay, I will be as concise as I can. Long distance relatioship due to work and studies. We were together for 2 years and were lovely. No fights, we always talked about all and always there was something dodgy, we fixed it and came back more in love than before. There were pressure from her family (i think because of religion) but i never knew the reason, and they really didnt show that to me. She stresses too much and I always gave her time, and twice she came back after a few days regretting treating me badly. This happened twice, the first time took a week, which i spoke to her as long as she did. She was stressed about what apparently her family was saying about me. But all good!
    After that, again, so i gave her time once more. This time, i did not speak to her AT ALL. and in less than the first time, she came back saying she loved me. I gave her space anyway but we return to talk again, all was good again, all of the sudden, i text her to say something silly about a common friend and she flipped saying I was invading her space…i thought all was okay…she started talking to me all weird and after 1 week said wanted to break up, that she didnt love me…I was shocked, but i stopped talking to her. She said was going to do all this things like giving my stuff back and deleting me and remove her from our bank account so on and so forth…its been a month and none of those things happened. She deleted me form a gamesite, but nowhere else…
    I slowly started to talk to her after 3 week since the “break up” line, once every 2 or 3 days, she replied with short answers but happy faces, i happened to know from a close source that she looked sad, im confused. We live 2 states away…what is the best way to start working on it..? I dont want to look needy or scare her. We really had the BEST of times.


    • admin
      January 27, 2015 | 3:17 pm

      Hi Nick, You should really check out my other site for men, Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

  11. Marilyn
    January 27, 2015 | 7:21 am

    Hi, my ex broke up with me 2 months ago. We have a cat together and I have forbidden him from seeing the cat so I can move on an so can the cat. But ever since he left, the cat has changed and vet has been diagnosing the cat is going through depression. I have exhausted all my money and time to make the cat better but to no avail. I’m single now and I can’t lose the cat. I contacted the ex to inform him on the situation and he was the one who suggested to see the cat. Did I do the right thing? Will this dampen my chances of us getting back? I’m just really worried about the cat. The cat looks lost and always stay in my ex’s favorite spot.

    • admin
      January 27, 2015 | 3:14 pm

      Seriously, your cat is depressed?

      Is that even possible?

      I don’t mean to sound rude but I have never heard of that.

      • Marilyn
        January 28, 2015 | 5:58 am

        I understand, it’s mind blowing for myself as well but it has happened. And I have read through numerous forums and articles and this does happen. It’s even more with dogs. I’m clueless myself. But I can’t let an innocent creature be sad that way. As much as I am happy with life right now, watching her go down this road is just heart breaking. It’s really puzzling.

  12. catie
    January 27, 2015 | 2:50 am

    Hi! This helped me boost my confidence on getting my boyfriend Back.he and I dated for almost 2 months. He was always the initiator.he told me he loved me first and wanted an apartment together. We moved in and after 2 months he moved back in with his parents and said he needed space. Heartbroken, I didn’t give him the space he needed. We talked things out and had a lovely night together until 3 days later he started to avoid me. The break up was Harsh” I feel trapped. I don’t love you anymore and I want to be alone.” Do you think meant it? Should I even try this method? Help!

    • admin
      January 27, 2015 | 3:03 pm


      I am really happy this helped boost your confidence.

      Definitely try this method out.

  13. Chloe
    January 26, 2015 | 5:46 pm

    Right, a couple of weeks ago me and my boyfriend broke up I guess mutually but we were drifting apart at the end of our relationship and it got to the point where he ignored me so I text him then asking if he was okay and he replied with no and I asked why and he replied you and that’s when I asked what I’d done and if I could walk home from school with him to talk about it and his reply was nah bro, which really annoyed me anyway a week later was Christmas and I stupidly inboxed him on Facebook saying merry Christmas and he read it a day later and obviously ignored it but since then I haven’t spoken to him at all and have done the no contact rule, I do see him in school walking past me and I always feel like I should say something but I don’t I try and smile but I don’t aha but when he sees me it’s like he looks away or acts as if I was a stranger and we were nothing and it does upset me but the no contact rule is a great thing because I have thought through a lot and become a better person but what I want to know from him is what I did? Because I don’t know what I’ve done to then avoid when trying to get back with him, but deep down I know he doesn’t want me back is it still worth trying? Thanks for all tips.

    • admin
      January 27, 2015 | 2:30 pm

      Any reasons for the two of you drifting apart.

  14. Kitty
    January 26, 2015 | 4:21 pm

    Hi Chris, I just broken up with my bf of 3 years. He is 5 yrs younger than me but his career and maturity are about same level as me so when I just started the relationship I didn’t know he is so much younger. Well anyway during the break up he keep emphasise that it’s over! Quoted by him: Too many things happened and things happened at the wrong timing and wrong situation, but it’s okay it’s over, it’s reli over i’m clear. Before this break up he was still sharing with me about getting wedding banquet in june etc. We started quarrelling becos i found out he have been chatting with a girl and went out for lunch tgt. So i called this girl up which happen to be my galfrd’s frd and ask her about what happened so he is unhappy but he has bad record of flirting with girls before and the last time he begged me to patch back with him which I did. So this time round he is angry becos he said this is just a friend and he felt he has no freedom no space and couldn’t go clubbing or night spot drinking with his frds. And when we are having fight there is this period he found out that i was playing dating app and he texted me but i ignore him for 3 days and he was very sad and painful and after i contact him on the 3rd day he told me its over, so i tink must be he is reli sad and decided to move on. The sudden change was shocking and his words was so hurtful even i explained how much i love him and hope for a chance for us he said no its over. so right now I decide to go with your no contact advice, it have been a week he didn’t contact me at all. Well I am thinking right now he should be dating ard or hanging out with new girls. I will be just cool. Do u tink there is hope for us to get back together again?

    • admin
      January 27, 2015 | 2:18 pm

      Sure, I think there is definitely hope.

      However, you need to really follow the steps outlined on this page.

      Why specifically were you on a dating app.

      • Kitty
        January 27, 2015 | 3:14 pm

        My frd ask me to check it out i was on dating app just for fun. Seeing how it works becos I caught him played it before as well. But I didn’t chat with anyone from there I just delete off my account after 1 hr but his frd saw me inside and screenshot it to him. Btw currently he is seeing someone. Looks like he has moved in completely. He is a stubborn and egotistic person.

        • Kitty
          January 27, 2015 | 5:53 pm

          He is in love with a girl now

  15. Jessica
    January 26, 2015 | 5:26 am

    Hey, My boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago. I missed him for awhile after the breakup and finally just gave up until he asked me back one day but next morning, he told me he wanted someone else. I was heartbroken and was just speechless. I was in pain and anger so I moved on.I tried the no contact technique. Seeing other guys, however my ex was complaining recently about a guy I dated saying “He’s ugly, why are you dating him? he’s gross” I knew the fact he was jealous, but I didn’t really care. Now it got as far as phone calls with him. My friend which is his sister, sometimes called me to chat and my ex is on the other phone line listening. The phone calls weren’t all that great. We argued and were insulting each other. We pretty much were still talking about the past. Now what’s frustrating is that I get that he’s jealous but it’s difficult to have a nice conversation with him when all he does is talk about the past and the things he thinks of the breakup. What would you do if you were in my situation? oh by the way, we’re both adolescents so is it because of our maturity the reason why we can’t cool down? or…

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 4:11 pm

      Maturity yes but I have seen evern the most mature people go crazy in relationship sos its not just that.

  16. Coco
    January 25, 2015 | 8:31 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex boyfriend contacted me after the no contact period and he seems to have feelings for me. He hasn’t asked me back or anything, he just told me how much he misses me and cares about me… Will he ever ask me back? Or is this something to just help him move on?

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:43 pm

      What have YOU done so far to make him ask you back?

  17. Brittany
    January 25, 2015 | 4:56 am

    Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up. We live 30 mins away and with us both having children from previous relationships, crazy work schedules,and other reasons,we were only seeing each other about once a week. We have been together for 3 years and I suggested moving in together. He made a bunch of excuses as to why it wasn’t the best timing for it. I told him if we didn’t move in together that I would leave him because I would not go another year without our relationship having any advancement.He told me he needed time to think and within that time there was a lot of back and forth bickering and disagreeing which ultimately led to a break up. Is it too late for us to reconcile? If we do, how will our relationship work if we still won’t be living together and only seeing each other once a week? Is there some sort of compromise in this situation? It kind of seems like an all or nothing ordeal. I love him and I want to be with him but it is hard dealing with all this distance between us when we have been together so long.

  18. tina
    January 25, 2015 | 3:51 am

    Hi!! Please take the time and reply to my message I need help! Me and my ex have been dating for 2 months. It was my birthday yesterday and he came out to the club with his friends. He met my friends for the first time and I introduced him to everyone!! Im his group of friends there was this one girl he was constantly staring at…later after the club I went with my sister and my friends to another club he didnt come. But he texted me go have fun with those guys and dont call me tomorrow.. I introduced him to all my guy friends .. so I got pissed off because he didnt even wish me a happy birthday!!! Can u believe that?!?!?! He didnt even get me a card .. didnt even mention my birthday.. so I got so mad when I saw that twxted from him.. I was very drunk soo I cussed at him and told him never to call me back.. I tried calling him the day after (today) and he ignored all my calls and texts.. do you think he will call me if I dont contact him going forward?? Do you think he really doesnt want to talk to me anymore??

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:39 pm

      I can’t guarantee that, that will happen but usually I have found that it will.

  19. sapna
    January 25, 2015 | 2:22 am

    Hi my friend broke with me a week ago we didn’t have fight he just said that he is busy at work and it is not fiar on me to wait till he is free o see me, because in his past relationship when he while he was busy his wife cheated on him and i think he thinks that history repeat it self he never told that he is insecure becase of that but i think that is the reason the next day of our breaking up i text him once that we should give the relationship another chance but he said no and wished me good luck and told me that he hopes that one i find Mr right after that i did,
    t contect him i am trying the no contact role but i text him today because a month ago he bought my a lottery ticket an last night i found out that i won some money on that i just let him know that i won some money and said hope all is well and his reply was (lucky you, spend it wisely) is that good reply or just he is been polite should i contact him in a few weeks or not

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 3:36 pm

      He is probably terrified of being cheated on again and like you said doesn’t want history to repeat itself.

  20. Elizabeth
    January 24, 2015 | 4:18 am

    Hi Chris-

    I’m new to a small town and met a guy on my first wknd. We started texting and went on a few dates – which were super fun. He says how much fun he has with me, and how attractive I am to him and how I make him laugh – all good things. We’ve slept together (and it’s really good sex) and the last time we had a heart to heart i said that i wasn’t in it to be his wknd hook-up….which is when he said that he was being really cautious about me because I’m only here for a year and he has still feelings for his ex (they broke up 3 mths ago).

    I said that I didn’t want to go any further if he’s thinking about someone else. I initiated no contact, and then saw him out on a Friday night (about 4 days later) – he walked me home and said that he really wanted to be friends and hang out and then he kissed me (which was confusing). He texted me the following Monday and asked how my wknd had been – I responded and then he sent me back a closed type of response about his. I haven’t responded since and that was 4 days ago. He’s the kind of guy that says/does what he wants and the fact that I’m not getting much from him makes me wonder if he’s completely lost interest…

    Should I keep doing no contact? Should I reach out as friends and try to slowly build the relationship that way? Should I forget him entierly?

    Thanks for your help!

    • Elizabeth
      January 24, 2015 | 4:22 am

      Sorry – I should clarify that his text with a ‘closed type of response’ was still super friendly!

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 2:52 pm

      Yup keep doing NC.

      REach out AFTER NC.

      • Elizabeth
        January 27, 2015 | 8:52 am

        OK – I caved (before I saw your response) and messaged him and it was a really positive conversation. And because I knew he wasn’t going to be somewhere he usually is on a Sunday afternoon, I met some friends there (all guys) for drinks – which I put on Facebook. Then the afterthought set in that maybe he thought I went there to see him and got the stalker vibe – which is the opposite of what I was trying to achieve. Are guys that clever? Really, my friends invited me and I just wanted to go out and have fun with them!

        Salvageable if I keep doing NC??

  21. Kitty
    January 23, 2015 | 7:02 pm

    Dear Chris, I didn’t get a reply from u on a question I asked earlier which is do u think it’s appropriate to courier his stuffs back to him or its rude to do so? Also i would like to listen to your advice and what exactly I should do if during no contact period he wants to pick up his stuffs or return my stuffs what should I reply? :)

    • admin
      January 26, 2015 | 2:20 pm

      Well, if it is his stuff then he is entitled to it and you can break nc.

  22. Ntando
    January 23, 2015 | 1:43 pm

    Hi Chris

    My ex and I are doing or were doing long distance. Since I can’t meet up with him after all these steps,will a Skype date also b sufficient? We used to spend hours on Skype when we were together.


  23. Kitty
    January 23, 2015 | 4:58 am

    Dear Chris, I just started my no contact period with my ex bf and what if during this period he msg me to meet up to collect my stuffs at his place or he would like to collect his stuff at my place. Should I reply? Or continue to no contact and no reply until 30 days end? Please kindly advise need your view on this hehe :)

    • admin
      January 23, 2015 | 4:31 pm

      You are allowed to reply to this (the only instance where you are though.)

      • Kitty
        January 25, 2015 | 1:25 pm

        What reply should i give when he ask to pick up my stuffs?

        • admin
          January 26, 2015 | 3:47 pm

          Something like,

          “Ok, pick up your stuff at (you pick the place) at (you pick the time.)

  24. Jasmine, from Sweden
    January 23, 2015 | 3:18 am

    I followed all of these steps. Eventually when I visited my ex (after the no contact period) i went to his place to get my things back, we ended up talking and in the end he literally begged for me to take him back. I did. One week late he broke up with me AGAIN. We had a fight about something he had lied about to me earlier, but I really need to get him back again, although he’s lost all hope in us now. I’ve promised myself to let go of the past if I can only have one more shot with him. Can I do the no contact rule again, and try again with him? Is it gonna be any harder this time? His birthday is in 3 weeks as well, maybe if i do the no contact rule once more and show up with a belated birthday present? Please tell me what to do, i can’t live without him! I know he wants to be with me too, but he’s sick and tired of all the drama, how do I make him feel like he needs me again?

    • admin
      January 23, 2015 | 4:32 pm

      Wow, congrats on getting him back but I am sorry he broke up with you AGAIN.

      What was the fight about?

      • Jasmine, from Sweden
        January 25, 2015 | 12:38 am

        well basically I found out that he was flirting with my friend when we had broken up, which he had denied. But during our second chance together I received proof that he had lied about that so we started fighting and just had this massive jealous fight about everyone the other had been with during our single-period. it was so immature but he’s got a lot going on in his life right now and he can’t afford all the drama messing it up for him. How do I make him feel like I won’t be a burden like that again? Is it even possible to get him back once more?

  25. Rina
    January 23, 2015 | 1:14 am

    me and my bf broke up a month and a half ago we were together for 16 all happened because my trust issues it was mostly my fault he tried convincing me but I was too stupid now he says he wants some time and I really want him back but I pushed him away because I was sooo needy I was sending texts 24/7to him…so what can I do to get him back? is it to late now?

    • admin
      January 23, 2015 | 4:24 pm

      It’s not too late. Though I think your mission righ tnow is not to be so desperate with those texts.

  26. Kitty
    January 22, 2015 | 2:07 pm

    Hi dear, I just broken up with my bf of 3 years. And he keep emphasise that it’s over! Quoted by him: Too many things happened and things happened at the wrong timing and wrong situation, but it’s okay it’s over. Before this break up he was still sharing with me about getting wedding banquet in june etc. The sudden change was shocking and his words was so hurtful so right now I decide to go with your no contact advice. Well he said that it’s over, whereas for my stuffs at his hse and his stuffs over at my place just leave it first. So I was just wondering should I courier it back to him to let him feel the pinch and also letting him know that I won’t ask for patching up again and I have moved on and no contact? Is it appropriate? Looking forward to your reply.

  27. Holly
    January 22, 2015 | 1:08 am

    Hi Chris
    Thanks for your website. I want to ask if you think any of these steps you give here are even worth me trying because I just don’t know how to for sure tell if this guy is 100% done with me and it would be a waste of my time when I could be moving on. I will try my best to give as brief a synopsis as possible. I know this sounds crazy but I only dated him for 3 weeks. It started out with sex just to be honest. I thought we were just going to be FWB. But then I started having strong feelings for him. I was sort of going a little crazy in my mind because I didn’t know how he felt about me. I finally asked him if I was just a piece of ass to him and his response was actually “if you were just a piece of ass to me I wouldn’t text you all day everyday.” SO I thought “great”. But I just kept wondering what type of a relationship we had. I wondered if he was seeing other people and if he was texting other girls, I questioned what he was doing when he didn’t text me for hours at a time, and I basically told him that I really liked him a lot, and **cringe** that I would do just about anything for him. One night he just seemed to be ignoring me and my texts and I texted him several times asking him what he was doing and why he wasn’t texting, etc. The next day he told me he needed to talk to me and told me that he couldn’t see me any more because I was “too intense” for him. He said the last several girls he dated walked all over him and he didn’t want to do it again. I asked him if he would give me another chance and he shook his head no. I said “is it because you don’t like me or because you think I am always going to act too intense?” his reply was “the second one” I tried to assure him I wouldn’t but to no avail. I text him a couple more times that night asking him to please come over and talk about it. He didn’t reply. That was a week and 1 day ago. I have not text him even once since then but about 5 days of no contact I did go up to the convenience store where he worked and talked to my other friend who was there working also. I said a few things to him but mostly talked to her and he did join in on the conversation at times. I did end up saying “you can text me if you want to”, which I only said because he told me the night he broke up with me that he still wanted to “be friends and text and hang out”. That was 3 days ago and he hasn’t texted. I have not texted him or gone back up to the store to talk to him. All my friends keep saying that he is finished with me but I keep thinking that if I can show him that I am not really that intense of a person he might give me another chance. I wish I had just come out in the very beginning and asked him what kind of relationship we had instead of pestering him with annoying texts. I would really appreciate your opinion. I am willing to do work to get him back if there is a chance but if not I need to just move on. I am pretty torn up over it and need to start now trying to get over it if that is what needs to be done. Thanks so much for any help you can give me!!!

    • admin
      January 22, 2015 | 4:55 pm

      I always recommend everyone pretty much starts out with the NC rule.Have you done that yet?

      • Holly
        January 22, 2015 | 9:48 pm

        As I said, I had no contact with him for 4 days then I saw him at his job and talked to a friend of mine that he works with. He also talked to me a little bit that day too. I don’t mind trying the NC rule if you think it is actually worth trying in my situation. If there is no hope at all then I want to try to start letting him go. By what I wrote in my previous post do you think there is any hope at all?

  28. Shian
    January 21, 2015 | 8:17 pm

    I will try to make this short. About 8 months into our relationship we had a big fight & I broke up with him over a blown up fight. Without realizing it I followed your NC rule after the 1st 2 days of the breakup. A little over 30 days later he calls me and says he wants to get back together. This also coincided with me going on vacation to Las Vegas. Not sure if he realized the timing but I hadn’t even been there 24 hrs yet. We get back together Than in mid November 2014 he breaks up with me. I couldn’t say it was for 1 reason but a combination of 3 of the main reasons. Not even knowing what the NC rule was until I found your site today we have been contacting each other via text, and seeing each other a few times in the last two months. I have even asked him to think seriously about getting back together. After New Years he comes back with NO but can we be FwB? I said that’s flattering in one way but so f***** up in another. He already knew I was going to say no. I like your idea of the old relationship being dead & starting a brand new one. I believe we are meant to be. Honest opinion is this messed up beyond repair?

    • admin
      January 22, 2015 | 4:48 pm

      Not beyond repair. A bit messed up but its salvagable.

  29. Georgie
    January 21, 2015 | 6:04 pm

    My ex broke up with me a couple days ago. He has always wanted me to watch Seinfeld but I always said no. Would me watching the first couple seasons and then telling him how I feel about them be a good start? He broke up with me because he wasn’t as emotionally there as I was.

    • admin
      January 22, 2015 | 4:43 pm

      Seinfield is so good though!

      It might be a good start but I would sent a text like that later in the process.

  30. Jennifer
    January 21, 2015 | 1:11 pm

    My ex broke up with me 4 days ago, we had been together for 1year and a few months. He had kicked me out of his house a couple days ago and I figured he never wanted to see me again. After the first day I had called him his response”what do u want” ME:(I had left something at the house) he wanted to bring it over. So he did. I told him I wanted to talk to him about some things. Mostly wanted to talk about us. But I couldn’t pull myself to do it. I had been getting random text from some stranger,very explicit text and pictures of himself. Text that said how much this guy wanted to be with me. So I had asked my ex if he had gave my number out to someone. He said no and asked why. So I showed him all the text. He said just to block them. So after that I didn’t text him back. I woke up from a text from my ex. Now I have a son from a previous relationship and my son and ex do get along pretty well. So he was asking about how I’m going to get him to school for the rest of the school year. I had told him that I wasn’t entirely sure that maybe my brother would help me out that I just didn’t know. I said I have a friend up here and that “HE “may help me out. So the next text I had received was “just come back then when you can”. I didn’t text back. So he had called me. I can’t remember the conversation. But I packed my things and went back. I have been wanting to give him space as much as possible. So I have been sleeping in a seperate room than him for the past few days. I didn’t know why I was there or why he wanted me there. So later that day I asked him if he thought we were completely through,he said yes,I asked if he were sure,he said yes. I said ok I was just making sure. He asked me why I said it like that. I told him I’m just making sure we are completely over and I left the room. So 2 mins later he follows me and asks what my plans are. I told him I have plans to finish sschool,get a vehicle in a couple weeks,and have a job.which is all hard to do with a 7 year old and no sitter. And the conversation went on about his plans. Which failed to mention me in any if it. So he went back to a separate room to finish whatever he was doing. Later that night he was taking me to my class and was asking if I was talking to anyone. I asked what he meant,and he was like you know who are you talking to your mom your friends. I told him I was talking to family and friends but that I wasn’t trying to get with anyone. So the conversation headed back to the explicit pic dude. I told him that I found out who he was, and tht the guy was a friend of my brothers and he was trying to have him come over to hang with me. And my ex was asking if I had went anywhere with him. Or if I saw him. I told him I didn’t. So now he is Telling me tht I’m only here so he can help me back on my feet. I do not understand him at all. I dont know if he wants me back because of all the concern he had when I mentioned the guy or if he honestly just wants to help me. I would really need some good advice one this one. I’m so lost. I love him to death and Icant picture myself without him. If I live with him what can I do to get him back?

    • admin
      January 21, 2015 | 3:30 pm

      Have you attempted any of the advice on this page yet?

      • Jennifer
        January 21, 2015 | 6:09 pm

        I haven’t been able to try the 30 day no contact method. Only because my family lives out of town and my son goes to school. So it’s kind of difficult to manage. Since I do live with him I have tried to keep our conversations short and sweet. I’ve changed my wardrobe up a little bit as well. And even went as far as seeking proper ways to put on makeup. I have changed my appearance slightly. I’ve been walking and feeding his dog and taking care of the normal house chores. He had even asked me to cook him something last night..and of course because I care I did. And besides I was cooking for my son too. So I couldn’t say I wasn’t cooking anything. It was the nicest meal I had ever made him. But still I’m getting nothing in thank you nothing. I’m at a loss.

        • Jennifer
          January 21, 2015 | 10:12 pm

          I should add tht it’s close to the end of the school year and I don’t want to put my son in another district. It will only hurt his chances of passing. Do you think a relationship is still possible even if you live with each other?

          • admin
            January 22, 2015 | 4:49 pm

            Yes, it’s a lot more challenging though.

  31. Angela
    January 15, 2015 | 10:05 pm

    Hey chris

    • Angela
      January 15, 2015 | 10:10 pm

      Hey Chris. My boyfriend of 2 and half years broke up with me yesterday because he felt like he couldnt handle a relationship and his studies at the same time. He is trying to become a doctor and he gave his first Mcat Tuesday, he didnt do too well and he thinks its because he cant focus when he has a relationship to handle too. We have been through this twice before.. Everytime he gets a bad grade in his college courses, he automatically wants to leave. Same happened yesterday. He cried a lot while saying he doesn’t want to commit to this right now, and the day he feels he really can, he will come back to me. I responded with “but I cant wait all my life for your feelings to change, I have to move on too.” And he said, “yes, don’t wait for me if you cant.. But I don’t want to mend this relationship right now. ” we both cried and I left. I truly loved him and he still loves me too, Chris. But he feels like he cant do relationship and focus on his career and trying to become a doctor at the same time. Im really not sure if No contact rule will work.. I have never tried this before except for the time that I broke up because he flirted with another girl.. I ignored him and he texted me a lot. But that was it. Before when he used to break up because of his studies, he would come back within 2 days or even the next day and I would message him saying, its fine.. We can make it work.. But now, I dont want to take any risks. I dont know what to do, Chris. Will no contact work or should I try to message him saying “we have ways.. We can make it work..” And if he still says no, THEN do the no contact? I feel like if I ignore him, he will think it is for the best and that I am happy and dont want him.

    • admin
      January 19, 2015 | 3:44 pm

      Hey Angela

  32. Lisa
    January 13, 2015 | 3:35 am

    Hi! My boyfriend just broke up with me 2 days ago. However, I left for vacation and everything seemed fine. However, on his birthday, I sent him a very cute message and I never received a response. I messaged him later and he was being very cold and distant so I thought he was upset about the grades he received. What was strange was that overtime I said I love you, he wouldn’t say it back to me. When I got back he told me he wanted to focus on himself and that things between us weren’t the same. He basically told me that his feelings for me weren’t as strong as they used to be. We’ve been broken up before; once because I broke up with him which was a huge mistake and the second time was that we both decided that we should try and see other people which only lasted for a month. I really miss him and feel like made a mistake. I told him that I hoped that he would regret this decision and he even said he probably would in the next few days. I would take him back in a heart beat. Please help me.

    • admin
      January 19, 2015 | 3:38 pm

      AFter a breakup I recommend a period of NC… you don’t seem like you have done that.

  33. Lanna
    January 13, 2015 | 1:30 am

    Hi… I just broke up with my ex after 5 years serious relationship. And knowinfg each other for 8 years.
    We have already planned our life together and about to get married in a week before our wedding. He said he is not ready to have me anymore because he is not happy with his life and didn’t achieve the goal on career bcoz he has put too much energy on our relationship to be together. We live in different country and he had to move to be with me and stuff. But this time i was about to move to be with him and get married. Even we both are not really ready. I still feel like we could work something out coz we are great together. Just have to make it more slow and i can wait. I was somehow hurry into this wedding too much.
    He said don’t wait for him but if one day we both find peace, anything can happen or nothing can happen. And he really need space to achieve his goal by himself without me coz being bf means responsibility.
    I was pretty needy and not really supportive during his hard month also.
    I still wish i could fix this. As we have tried a lot already and i still want to try but he has lost his energy along the way.
    It just happen 10 days ago. And i did No contact for only a few days.
    We now live in different country. But we still have a lot of mutual friends.
    Do you think no contact period is good for my case? Should it be even longer than a month? To let him have space he wants. I have a ticket to go to his country in April. Should i ask him out for coffee by then? Is it gonna be too soon.
    P.s. He promise he won’t disappear from my life bcoz i am way too important for him. And he still feel for me. But he CANNOT be with me under this situation.
    Please give me some advice
    Thank you

    • Lanna
      January 13, 2015 | 1:41 am

      Becoz we are long distance. Is it gonna be even harder to get back? But we have lived together for almosrt 3 years. And we were apart only last year for 5 months… Maybe he has lost his love for me?
      P.s. His friends told me he even bought the ring and really prepared for my move. But the wedding is somehow over cultural thing and for me to be able to move in with him legally.
      When will u know you should start to contact again? Or should i let him be the one who contact me first?
      Do u think in my case there’s still chance?

    • admin
      January 19, 2015 | 3:37 pm

      Wait, he broke up with you a week before your wedding date????

      • Lanna
        January 19, 2015 | 5:17 pm

        He said he just realized he cannot take care of me and can’t handle the whoke long distance anymore. Its too much. He said he is not happy with himself right now. I think he is having problem with his job and his life right now.

        • admin
          January 20, 2015 | 3:32 pm

          Hmm… Well, to me it seems like he does have to work that out a bit but I never buy into that kind of stuff.

          I mean, would he break up with megan fox if he had a rough time at work?

          Something tells me he wouldnt.

    • Carol
      January 22, 2015 | 4:26 pm

      I started dating a man at the end of September who pursued me aggressively. After a couple weeks we were spending almost every day together because he was so aggressive about seeing me. He introduced me to all of his friends multiple times and planned super fun dates for is, took me out for an amazing birthday night. It was so much fun. We waited about 15 dates before we had sex and agreed before we had sex we wouldn’t be having sex with anyone else. I did notice he was still on his online dating profiles so I never took mine down either but it did irk me. After 2 months I brought up the talk because I was frustrated. I told him to think about it but he didn’t bring it back up again so I waited a week and told him I was going to take a step back. He insisted on seeing me in person and when I told him that he cried and said he didn’t want to lose me but couldn’t do a committed relationship right now. (He lived with his previous girlfriend, they broke up in February and he was obviously not over it) I told him not to talk to me for 2 weeks so I could get some clarity. I am not usually the type to become so attached or want to nail down a guy but this seemed different. I wanted him on such a basic level, just his company and his presence put me at ease. He texted me after one week, I did not respond. After the 2 weeks he asked if we could do dinner. I told him I’d think about it and the agreed. He asked if he could cook me dinner. Once I got there things were like old times with lots of laughs and affection. We talked and it was the same old that he couldn’t commit but wanted to see me so badly. He told me I was someone he could see himself marrying and I let him know how selfish it was to say that. I had too much to drink and slept with him and slept over. We texted a bit after that and then had a 2 hour phone conversation where he said he really was taking the steps to do what he needed to do. He has a couple health problems from football he is working on so he doesn’t have to get surgery. He then texted me after that a few times. I haven’t responded to his last three text messages since I just don’t get the point of talking to him if we aren’t together. I just miss him terribly and can honestly say that even ending my previous 5 year relationship didn’t feel this terrible and I miss him so much. How long should I go no contact before contacting him? Or is this a lost cause and I should never reach back out to him?

  34. Ngahuia
    January 8, 2015 | 7:57 pm

    yeah, and I will do everything I can to get you back but right now no I dont to get back together.

    I can’t stop thinking about him, I guess if he wasn’t happy then I should let him be happy on his own. But do you think if he feels this way about me that maybe he could find that spark with me again? Should I try get him back? Please help

    • admin
      January 19, 2015 | 3:17 pm

      If you really want him I say yes you should.

  35. Ngahuia
    January 8, 2015 | 7:55 pm

    I’ve recently gone through a break up with my past boyfriend of 15months. We had been living together for the past 6 or 7 of those months. We are very alike in our hobbies and interest but are very different in our cultural traditions. We both have dreams of being the Army, he has just passed his basic training an I am starting mine mid this year.

    I am still head over heels in love with this lad and can’t seem to get him out of my mind.

    He had been away on has for 4 months from July to October during that time we saw each other 4 times :-) I continued to work both my job,s pay our bills our house and care for our dog. And I trained everyday to prepare for my basic training and at that time I was going to Japan for my karate which was supposed to be from December 26 to January 13. (I did not go) I supported him with all I had to give and distracted myself from missing him too much and turned that into care for him and support to get him through his ttraining. I am so proud of him and still love him for following his dreams and finally make it there.

    Anyway, we broke up 4 days ago and it was a terrible break up for me. We had an argument the day before about communication, he would go out and stay out and wouldn’t give me a heads up of where he is. Sometimes he would leave and wouldn’t come home until that night. I would try to avoid arguments and ask him if he’d give me a heads up about where he is maybe a text message letting me know what time he’d be home and such. He would say ya but do the same thing. He would also get angry at me a lot over nothing just for doing something the way I’d do it but he’d disagree and get angry. After our argument I was upset but wanted to be around my family so I went to my parents house and he went to the beach with his family. I came home that night everything was a little awkward with him but I was happy to have had time to myself and I think he was happy to have the same. We fell asleep that night, I was happy but I believe he wasn’t. The next morning we watched a movie together cuddling after it finished I asked him if he wanted to walk our dog with me he said:

    Him: Do you think we are meant to be together?

    Me: I love you sweety, no matter what you do I’d love you always.

    Him: Do you think we should break up?

    Me: (feeling confused and overwhelmed. As my heart just dropped out of my chest) No. I don’t want to. I love you. Do you think we should break up?

    Him: long pause* Yes.

    Me: (shocked. I froze and couldn’t process what was happening my heart was racing) What did I do? I know the past two weeks you have been angry a lot but you’re allowed to get angry, taking it out on me is normal when living together. Please don’t do this, maybe we can work this out just wait a little longer.

    Him: No I’ve tried. I haven’t felt the same for the past 2 months. I’m not in love with you anymore. Its me, I had to change and I’ve tried but I just can’t..

    Me:(holding back all my emotions and temptations to cry) 2 months!? Why didn’t you just tell me 2 months ago and we could have worked together?

    Him: I’ve tried I just can’t. You can’t do anything I just don’t feel the same anymore. I f you really new me you would know.

    Me: so I’ll call my parents and move out today?

    Him: yes

    I gathered myself for the mean time I walked outside and called my mom and my sister neither person answered I felt so alone. That is when I began to cry I began packing my things and tried to conceal my emotions. He didn’t seem to want anything to do with me at the time he didn’t help pack my things and just sat in the living room. I was tempted to sit next to him and hold him but I kept packing. He didn’t even shed a tear the entire time in the end it was about 4 hours and I had my things packed and my sister brought me home. The next day I went back to pick up the TV washing machine etc the big things and he just hugged me and kept being cute the way we were in our relationship. I was so very hurt by it and almost began to cry so I said goodbye and left.

    I texted him yesterday and asked to meet up so I could give him the last of his things that I had, he wanted to meet up but then I realized no I need to let go so we no longer keep in contact. The last few days before that we did not talk and he contacted me asking if I have ever cheated on him and to please text him. I did not reply but when we contacted yesterday he asked why did you want to meet up and why didn’t you answer my questions? I replied with ” to bring you the last of ur things and no to ur question” he said “no you don’t have to and promise?” I did not reply.

    Would this situation be worth pursuing? Or should i move on? During our relationship we have broken up before for about 3 days. He broke up just before he went to basic training but instantly regretted it and missed me, he came looking for me and begged me back and so we did. This time he isn’t doing anything the same he isn’t even contacting me and has deleted me from Facebook etc.

    I also asked when I was moving out the last time we were together, if the were any chance of getting back together with him? He said that there is always hope that if its meant to be it will happen.
    I asked him for a direct answer and he said no, he didn’t want to get back togrther right now. But once I’m back on has I might feel different and regret it yeah, and I will do everything I can to get you back but right now no I dont to get back together.

    I can’t stop thinking about him, I guess if he wasn’t happy then I should let him be happy on his own. But do you think if he feels this way about me that maybe he could find that spark with me again? Should I try get him back? Please help

    • Ngahuia
      January 8, 2015 | 8:07 pm

      He did say that he is still my best friend before I left. I almost cried again after hearing he would rather just be friends.

      I felt that he didn’t actually care about me during the moving out process he didn’t help me he didn’t cry and he wasn’t very sincere either. I don’t know if he still cares or if that’s just how he wants to deal with his emotions.

      (I also don’t know why base* keeps showing up as has on my post)

    • admin
      January 19, 2015 | 3:13 pm

      Have you attempted any form of NC or any of the other strategies on this site?

  36. Jane
    January 8, 2015 | 12:56 pm

    Just after the no contact period ends, he has a birthday. What kind of a message I should send ? Thanks

    • admin
      January 19, 2015 | 3:08 pm

      Don’t send him something on his birthday. Do it a few days after.

  37. Alice
    January 8, 2015 | 1:51 am

    Hello my name is Alice,
    My boyfriend broke up with me two days ago, we were in a relationship for four years… he kept saying that he did not know what he wanted and that he was very hurt, i begged him i know now i shouldnt have but I did, however it did not work. We had arguments and I know i made mistakes like being jealous, limiting him at a certain point but I was actually realizing I was very wrong and was commited to changing and was already working on changing how I was when out of the blue he broke up with me. We had winter break and went back home for the break and he says he realized his feeling had changed over the break, but when we were together during that break he looked very happy and I felt that he loved me, I never felt that hs feelings changed. I dont know if he hid his feelings for so long but I do not think he could have hidden them very well. And he also that his feelings are not completely gone, he cares about me a lot and stiill texts me every day. He wants to be best friends and keeps telling me he does not want to lose me… Do you think I can get him back using no communication and everyting you talked about? I would really appreciate any of your advice, I really need it. Thank you in advance

  38. Brina
    January 5, 2015 | 9:03 pm

    My name is Brina, I just recently discovered your website.

    So, of course, I’m fresh out of a long term relationship. A 4 year relationship with a guy named Bryan.
    Bryan and I hit it off quick and easy when we first met, and found that falling in love happened quickly and effortlessly. He was so easy to fall in love with and stay in love with, which is also something he used to tell me.
    After 3 years passed, I was starting to feel limited as far as exploring my options went. Given that we are young, I think it is vital to experience a variety of people before seriously committing yourself to someone. This mindset is what overcame me in the March of 2014 when I started receiving attention from other men at my work…a lot of attention ranging from simple compliments to sexual interest. So, being young with still a little naiveness left, I succumbed to the attention and decided to take a break with Bryan to experience my youth with other men. At that time in our relationship, Bryan was in one of those peaks of “I’m so damn in love with you,” where I was the opposite. I knew I loved him, but I questioned whether I was really in love with him. Needles to say, I left him horribly heartbroken for about 1.5 to 2 months. I was upfront with my desire to experience new things, which hurt him beyond explanation. I mean, we both know how much it SUCKS to see the person you love with someone else, right? Bryan went to extreme lengths help save our relationship and I just ignored them, and I would get incredibly annoyed with his efforts to smother me with attention. I hated every effort he made to save our relationship. I was so set in my ways of seeing other people that I even ignored advice from my mother and best friend who told me what I was doing was not healthy. Well, sooner than later guilt caught up to me. And the pain was so real and frightening, I wanted Bryan back as soon as I could have him. I started to realize how rude and ignorant I was, and the guilt flooded my brain. I felt so horrible that I even told him who I slept with and how many people I saw. I remember the pain on his face when he found out that he was no longer the only person I had had sex with. To put simplistically, Bryan was heartbroken. Aside from that he did one thing right: he gave me my space and gave himself the space to heal. Eventually, we moved on with our relationship and got back together about a month and half later. We hit insane peaks of being in crazy love, spent almost everyday together and did not get bored of each other ever. We were back to who we were before- the crazy happy, hopeless romantic couple that was crazy about each other.
    Well, it didn’t last long enough.
    I had to move 330 miles away to continue my education. In the beginning, the distance was not hard at all. We would video chat, text, and talk on the phone frequently. And of course the inevitable happened: the distance became impossible given that we don’t have the time nor money to visit each other. We had a heart-to-heart conversation and decided to establish an open relationship, because we both agreed that it is important to see other people. But this is where it got hard: in our open relationship, we were allowed to talk to and hook-up with other people and have to tell each other about it eventually. Stupid. The time came where I did have sex with someone else, and so did he. Of course we were upset about it at first but then we both came to terms with what our open relationship agreement was. Little did I know he wasn’t telling me everything… but I will get to that later. Anyway, there came a time when he would beg for me to let him go and let him explore his options without having to tell me everything, but every single time I would convince him otherwise and it seemed as though he was convinced. Continuous back and forth.
    One day, I received a text from a friend back home saying “Ew, why is Bryan dating that girl? She’s so annoying.” She proceeded to send me pictures of him and the girl from the girl’s social media pages. I was shocked because I knew the girl. Confused because it was definitely not someone Bryan would EVER go for in the past, he would always talk about how she was obsessed with him and was incredibly annoying. Mad because he would lie every time I would ask him whether he was seeing someone else. Depressed because I am madly in love with this guy. Infuriated, I called him. And called. And called. And texted texted texted. Of course it wasn’t pretty… I bitched, whined, cried, screamed, and begged for him to take me back incessantly. I kept asking him “WHY HER?! WHY HER SHE’S GROSS!!!” All he would say was “Please give me my space. I need to experience new people at a young age.” He continually asked for space over and over while I was annoyingly contacting him way too much to talk about what was going on. I eventually learned that this was the girl that he has slept with, even though he told me the girl he slept with was only a one time thing. So, I now know that him and this girl are having sex which bothers me way more than it should, probably because they had sex within the early weeks of their relationship. It’s now only been a month and half give or take, and she’s already his official girlfriend. I begged him to end things with her, but nothing worked. So, I looked for help from a few close male friends. All of them told me the same thing: “his new girl is a rebound. Trust me. Give it a couple months and that’s it.” Mind you, he told me that he was unlikely going to put a “girlfriend label” on their affair, but he would tell me he really likes her. Which was painful to hear nonetheless.

    I came home for the holidays, and we decided to meet up at his house one night to talk things out. I was expecting things to go smoothly, and for him to realize that this new relationship was a rebound, and for us to eventually hook-up and rekindle things. Well, not everything goes as planned of course. I did everything I told myself not to: asked him questions about his new lady friend, told him how depressed I was and how it’s been so hard without him, etc. I was so infuriated that I wasn’t receiving the emotional response I desired. So, it got worse and escalated. I told him, in a whiny/half-yelling voice : “SHE’S NOTHING BUT A REBOUND! SHE’S NOT RIGHT FOR YOU! ALL YOU’RE DOING IS FILLING AN EMPTY HOLE IN YOUR LIFE BECAUSE I’M NO LONGER HERE!” all that good stuff, the things our depressed and heartbroken mind insists we say. He never denied the rebound part, but was skeptical and semi-denied the accusation of him filling an empty hole/void. The night proceeded with petty conversations as followed:

    Me: “Do you love me?”
    Bryan: hesitates, “Ahh. I love you but I’m just not in love with you.”
    Me: “How can you say that? I’m so in love with you.”

    Me: picks up gift from new girl in his room with the word “gemini” on it, “great, she got you into horoscopes. Is she in middle school? Oh yeah, she is awkwardly younger than you right?”
    Him: no response.

    Me: “Is she your girlfriend?”
    Him: “I mean yeah I guess she is, that’s kind what we’ve been doing.”
    Me: “How did you move on so quickly?”
    Him: “I mean, it’s just a time thing. Me and you weren’t really dating anymore.”
    Me: “Are you in love with her?!” **asked several times.
    Him: “No!”
    Me: “She’s not me. You’re never going to find the same level of intimacy you and I had with her.”
    Him: “I mean her and I are intimate but-”
    Me: “Rebound. She’s a rebound. You used to talk about how annoying she was.”

    Me: “Why did you hide your relationship from me?”
    Him: “I know how emotional you are. I didn’t want to hurt you. It would kill me to see you with someone else, too.”

    Him: “I just can’t do this anymore..”
    Me: “do what?”
    Him: “THIS!”

    Me: “I’m so heartbroken. How could you do this to me?”
    Him: A little teary eyed, “I’m heartbroken too, I’m hurt too-”
    Me: “How can you be heartbroken by someone you’re not in love with? Do you even realize how much I miss you, and how much I miss us?”
    Him: “I miss you too!!! I just really think it’s important we see other people…”

    Anyway, at the end of our drama infested night, I apologized for the annoyance and asked him kindly to rethink everything. Kindly, he said he would and he would call me the following day. Without a doubt, that was a heartbreaking night. I lost faith in the “rebound” convenience and began thinking that he would never come back, ever.

    The next day we talked on the phone, and damn it! I was still being annoying! He told me his mind hadn’t changed on anything, and that everything was going to be okay as long as I gave him his space. Still unsatisfied because I hadn’t said everything I wanted to, I asked him how he moved on so quickly and also said “the candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long,” indirectly referring to the quickness of his new relationship. That received no response. The last thing he said in that conversation was for me to not talk to him for at least a month.

    Finally, I came to terms with that and have not had a conversation with him since. He has applied to transfer to my school next year as well, but that’s uncertain until we know if he’s been accepted.

    I believe for you to have a more concrete idea of this situation so you could give me the best advice possible, I should give you some background information on the both of us and him and her from what I gather.

    Him and I:
    -Both of us are intelligent, impatient, stubborn, and witty.
    -I am a writer (I know this email has tons of grammar mistakes and what not, I wrote this in fury) and he plays music.
    -Our relationship was north of magical. There was an actual spark when we kissed, and there was true intimacy in and out of bed.
    -We had those stupid petty arguments every other day. Usually lasted about <10 minutes.
    -He only had eyes for me up until recently.
    -Neither of us are materialistic. Don't expect diamonds nor expensive dinners.
    -I am extremely close with his family.
    -We would grocery shop together, you know. That cheesy cute stuff.
    -When I saw him over my holiday break, he told me I was "impossible to resist" but didn't kiss me anyway.

    Him and her:
    -She advertises their relationship on Facebook, Instagram, etc. like they've been together for a year.
    -He posts nothing. Well, he's not much of a social media-er to begin with.
    -Nothing is "Facebook official"
    -She buys him and makes him stupid bracelets.
    -He has said in the past when I was concerned over her obsession with him: "she's not even pretty and is really annoying."
    -When I asked how they started talking: "Well, she told me she was into me and I figured why not. I give people chances and we ended up getting a long really well."
    -He's already met the family.
    -"Her age isn't much of a concern to me. At first I was hesitant but now it doesn't matter."
    -He just recently deleted his only picture of him and I off Instagram. In turn, I deleted the last one I posted but not all.

    Furthermore, I really, really do want him to come back more than anything. But, he has never really dated anyone seriously outside of me so I fear that him and I will become a thing of the past and he will move on to new people like he wants to, considering he's so set in his ways of "seeing new people." Im also confused because in the past he has said that I'm the greatest thing that ever happened to him, and when we officially broke it off he said I was a fantastic girlfriend.

    Well, that's about all I can think about right now. I'm in dire need of some solid advice, opinions, feedback, and what's likely to happen in the future. Thank you so much for your help.


    • admin
      January 6, 2015 | 2:01 pm

      Personally I think this problem stemmed from your relationship agreement. You gave him a free pass to cheat and he gave you a free pass to cheat.

      Problem is that when you did sleep with someone else he couldn’t handle it.

      • Brina
        January 6, 2015 | 5:08 pm

        When we found out that we had slept with other people we were upset at first but got over it very quickly. We went back to being our typical selves by sayin “I love you” and calling each other baby, etc.

        • Brina
          January 6, 2015 | 5:12 pm

          Also, he had slept with someone too around the same time before even knowing that I did too. But he didn’t tell me that the girl he slept with was someone that he was still talking too. I don’t know if this is a rebound relationship but I would like to believe it is and that he will eventually come back if I do the right things.

          • admin
            January 7, 2015 | 5:27 am

            How long has he been with this girl? Trying to determine if it is a rebound.

        • admin
          January 7, 2015 | 5:28 am

          How often do you guys see each other in person?

          • Brina
            January 7, 2015 | 5:41 am

            Well we were making the distance really work at first and it wasn’t hard. I visit home once per quarter in addition to holidays. So over my first fall quarter I went home 3 times and my holiday break was 2 weeks. When I first visited home he was really excited to see me.

          • Brina
            January 7, 2015 | 5:51 am

            When I saw him a weekend I visited home we slept together and we also slept together over Thanksgiving weekend too… And he was talking to the other girl at the same time without me knowing. When I visited home for the weekend it was amazing. He was shaking and smiling and overly excited.

            • Brina
              January 8, 2015 | 10:37 pm

              Also has been talking to this girl now since October. He made her his girlfriend in December.

  39. Kez
    January 5, 2015 | 8:58 pm

    Hi, I was just wondering a couple of things.
    The 30 days no contact, is that like an ideal time or is it a minimum time?
    My ex thinks I’m not over my ex-ex and won’t believe me when I say I’m not. Because he went on my internet history and saw that I’d clicked on his profile. The trouble is I’d also googled ‘how do you get over somebody’ but that was literally nothing to do with him, I was looking for a video I’d seen on youtube ages ago that was funny and I wanted to show a friend. But he doesn’t believe it (I don’t think I would either but it is the truth) So he says we can’t be together. After a night of talking and crying (on my part) we decided not to split up. We stayed together for like a month after that and then we split up quite out of the blue. we spoke on the phone the other day and he was drunk and was saying he doesn’t love me and it just changed he doesn’t know why or how and he doesn’t want it anymore. He said he feels like a (excuse my french) C&^t but that’s how it is.
    Should I even think about persuing this if that’s how he feels?
    Thank you
    Sorry it was such a long message

    • admin
      January 6, 2015 | 1:59 pm

      Minimum & usually ideal.

      Seems to me he has some growing up to do. However, I think this is worth pursuing if you really think you can have a stable relationship with him.

  40. CM
    January 4, 2015 | 2:11 am

    Chris– Okay, I’ve asked a few different questions on your site, and I was about to buy your e-book just now when I finally realized why I’m so confused/lost about it all now. Basically, I’m realizing that everything you’ve recommended, I did (with the exception of the full 30 days nc, which I know is a huge part but I gauged that a shorter time might be appropriate and I think it was.) — and everything was extremely helpful/working!!

    I talk in past tense b/c the breakup happened ~7 months ago. A few weeks after the breakup, basically everything you wrote in this article happened. After backing off, adjusting my texts, being MUCH less needy etc, he evnetually asked to get dinner (went well)… then coffee… then hangout… etc etc and things were looking WAY up. BUT HERE is where the curveball comes in and I just don’t really know how to handle it. (And Pretty please don’t just refer me to LDR page b/c I don’t think it necessarily applies given what I just told you above ^ !?)

    So… very shortly after all of that positive stuff/dates he had to move back home to South America, b/c we’d just graduated college. In the past (like a year earlier) we’d discussed me moving with him “when the time came” and how he imagined our lives there together, etc. I even went to there visit and meet the fam last summer, and so he could convince me of how great his friends and city are so I’d want to move with him. But then graduation just came so soon that suddenly it all became “too much” for him. During those last days before he left, we both cried a lot and he said “sorry he wasn’t brave enough” and that if he was staying in the US it would all be so different and we would be together again.

    So all that you said worked! But I guess I just need to take it a step further— because remember, I was willing to move there, or even to do long distance for a while as we figured it all out. (we did LDR when he studied abroad a semester so we’ve had experience there too). But for him, he didn’t wanna do LDR anymore while “figuring his life out” but also said that me moving there was too much pressure right now. I totally understand that…. But I also know that if he felt so strongly about me/us as he USED to (and in general when you really love someone), you break through barriers no matter how tough. And it also shows that his feelings for me became less strong than they were a year before…

    So it’s really hard b/c I know that I was doing it right and it was all working picture-perfectly. And the feelings were there to get back together if he had stayed here. But that being said, I feel like he’s sort of sitting right ontop of this fence and if I can just do some little thing to tap into those feelings so strongly again I could bump him to the other side of the fence…where he wants to make it work whether it means here or there or however!!?

    I just have no idea how to do that. =/ If you can offer any suggestions based on all that ^ I would be forever grateful. (Also, you should know that he’s still down there and I’m in the US; his dad (only his dad) lives here so it would technically be possible for him to come back; BUT he recently accepted a 1-year job position down there.) Oh and I know this b/c we’ve been texting like every 2 weeks random little texts which are friendly but obviously haven’t accomplished what I want to accomplish.

    I know it’s sort of a toughie but I think you’re working with some potential here!!! And I believe you can do it ;) Thank you immensely!!! :) :)

    • CM
      January 6, 2015 | 3:44 am

      please? =/ (Last week I asked him to skype bc i missed him so much and I had no idea how to handle all this. He said “yeah of course” but he asked if it could wait a few days since he’s busy with the move I mentioned up there ^ … I’m regretting this now b/c I think I just need your opinion from here on what to do before I ruin my chances.)

      • CM
        January 6, 2015 | 3:45 am

        ugh not the ‘move’ I meant the new job***

        • CM
          January 9, 2015 | 4:44 am

          If anyone else wants to take a shot at this, lol, I’d really appreciate it!! (But you’ll prob have to read all that stuff ^^ for my question to make sense.) But please do bc literally every day I wonder if I’m supposed to text him (get him so used to talking to me on a normal basis again… or if I should wait like, a long long time without anything to let him really feel what it’s like to be without me. Bc again right it’s a little check-in text convo every 2 or 3 weeks, aka like i’m giving him the best of both worlds kind of…and I need to “push him over that fence” of emotions to make him not just want to be with me, but AT ALL COSTS. By changing what I’m doing, somehow, but I don’t know which way to go. —->>> B/c as I said up there, Chris’ advice worked miraculously after the breakup/before he moved back to South America (so, what’s applicable to most people)!! …. I even got the meetups, the dinner date, etc. But then he moved so soon after before the effects could really settle in. :((

          Lastly, Skype update: it’s been a week since he asked to wait a few days to Skype… Even though he’s busy b/c he’s moving cities down there for the new job, I sorta think he’s just associating the idea of us skyping with extreme pressure. otherwise it wouldn’t need such a build up (He was a foreign student, he’s used to Skyping everyone while busy!) So it’s obviously a stressful thought, Even if he’s acting nice about it. Should I text something light to lighten the mood? I’m literally about to just say “nevermind!” — kidding. (…or should I? lol)

  41. Sam
    December 29, 2014 | 6:03 pm

    Hey I hve been with my boyfriend for 5 years we love each other alot I did everytging for him bit it’s been a week he has broke up with me and I phone and text him he don’t wat to know I kmow he loves me and it’s his family they don’t like me how do I get him back I can’t live without him please help me

    • admin
      January 5, 2015 | 2:28 pm

      Has he responded to your phone and texts?

  42. Rhia
    December 29, 2014 | 3:17 pm

    My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me a week ago and leading up to the break up I could see a big difference in him from when I first met him. We had a few arguments during the relationship , but we said wed make it through it, he then broke up with me the day after Christmas saying he couldn’t do it anymore he’s just not that interested, and kept saying he doesn’t know what he wants, he says he still cares but but needs to be alone , please help, I genuienly love this boy and what we had was magic, I should of gave him space but I just smothered him, I really need him back, even a text off him when I was down would have me in great humour, and seeing him still gave me butterflies, I know what went wrong but I need your help to make it right please xx

    • admin
      January 5, 2015 | 2:27 pm

      Well, I think going forward it is time to give him that space.

  43. Martil
    December 26, 2014 | 2:58 am

    Hi Chris,
    I was dating this guy for 4 month . Things were going , but I starting noticing he was changing with me . He was not replying to my messages as he used to do . I got upset and I asked him what was going on with him . I told him I can’t guess if something wrong unless he speak up to me .. Later on that day , he sent me a text saying that his ex had contacting him recently and that she wanted to work things out with him . So, I asking him if he wanted us to stop seen each other , he replied with this ” I don’t know” I don’t want to be hurtful to anyone . I got upset with this . I told him he had the right to date anyone he wants , that I wanted he to know that I was looking to have a exclusive relationship with the right person . That I was not looking forward to be anyone’s rebound .. He replied saying he doesn’t know if he wants to be back with Her and it was a lot to procees from his end . He also mentioned that he knows her for years and that has a lot of value he can’t ignore . I told him that my ex and I dated for years and he has a lot of value on me as well, but that doesn’t mean I can go around to play with people nfeelings because of that .. He told me he was not playing with anyone and that she recently started to called him .. I told him he’s free to date his ex if that’s what he’d like and that I wish him good luck with it .. I told him that I was not mad , but that it seems he doesn’t know what he wants right now . I told him I know what I want ,and if he has doubt between 2 people that means he still has feeling for someone else and that I can’t fight with that . I apologize for the messages I’ve sent him earlier . I was upset and called him liar . I also told him that it seems he had already back to her and now he was giving me a Bs talk about recently contact him .. After I apolized to him , I told him , that he needs to understand that I was the one going to a process as well and not only him . This was 2 days ago , I haven’t call him or text him and he hasn’t either.
    Basically , I’m the one who end up with him . I do like him . Do you think that I can have any chance here ?? :/

    Thank you

    • admin
      December 29, 2014 | 2:36 pm

      Defintely there is a chance.

      Lets talk about what you have done so far in an effort to get him back.

      • Martil
        December 30, 2014 | 2:33 am

        Thank you for the replied Chris . My last conversation via text with him was on Dec 23rd, he hasn’t contact me at all and I haven’t contact him either I mentioned before ,I kind of ended it because he wasn’t sure weather he wants to go back to his ex or stay with me ..:/ .. I told him they I knew what I wnat and to me if he has doubt about the 2 of us ,that he might have Feelings for someone else and that I can’t fight with that . At the end I apolgize for all my angry messages .. It’s been six days since the last time we spoke and I was giving him sometime to think what he really wants .. Do you think I should wait for 30 days to contact him or do you think I can send him a message right now ? If so , what type of message should I send him ?
        Thank you Chris

        • Martil
          January 1, 2015 | 6:47 pm

          Happy New Year Chris,
          I text him yesterday to wish him happy NY, he replied right away ,so i made the concerstion short , he sounded happy when texting back and forth .. I accidentally texted him after midnight , I was texting one of my friend to wish her happy NY ,I wrote her name on the text , but sent it to him instead , I realized right away ,but thought he’ll figure I made a mistake since that’s not his name , but he replied saying thank you , same to you instead .. Lol . I didn’t replied to that and didn’t want to say that made a mistake ..

          How long do you think I should wait to contact him again? I was trying to apply the 30 days , but texted him on my 9 day yesterday ..
          Thank you Chris !

        • admin
          January 5, 2015 | 2:40 pm

          Wait for the 30 days to be completed.

          • Martil
            January 9, 2015 | 1:47 am

            Thank you Chris ,
            I’ll wait for the 30 days. My hands are itching already for wanting to text .. I’ll be having a surgery these days and I thought about contact him , felling little scared about this procedure and I wanted to talk to him for support ,but at the same time I don’t want him to feel forced to come to see me :/ .. I guess I’ll wait for the 30 days .
            I’ll keep you posted ..

            Thank you Chris

  44. Hanna
    December 18, 2014 | 4:07 am

    My ex broke up with me in late November and since then we are not in touch (plus he lives in a different city). He was pretty determined about the break up so I doubt that he changed his mind.
    So far he texted me three times and the last text message I received today. He said that he is curious about me and asked me if we should talk sometime. I guess he wants to talk to catch up or something.
    I’m not sure if I should reply..I kind of want to even though I would break the rule.
    What do you think?

  45. Annabelle
    December 15, 2014 | 8:27 pm

    Hello Chris! I’ve been following this website for a while, and before anything, I must say, congratulations on your work!

    I’ve been putting your words to practice. My ex and I dated for 2 years and broke up over a month ago. I did NC for over 30 days, because I still didn’t feel quite ready to text or chat him up. I see him almost everyday because we go to college together and during NC the times I spoke to him were times that were absolutely necessary and I tried my best to stay calm and collected. I was actually starting to feel good, I had a lot of fun with my friends and I was focusing on old hobbies and passions. He was my first boyfriend and I was his first girlfriend too, we broke up because he said he didn’t feel the same thing for me anymore and it was just physical, but he also told me he realized this because of a conversation he had with his mom, which was “You two won’t be good together because you want different things out of life, you’re studying different things, she’s very different from you, ect”. I personally don’t believe this to be true, we did have common goals in life and we were quite similar in a lot of aspects.

    Now, on the exact day it reached 30 days of NC he approached me saying he was having some “urges”. Which immediately set me off, because I do want to get back together, but not for sex and I refuse to be friends with benefits (I only reached this conclusion after an agonizing day of pondering and almost falling into temptation..). But the next day I stayed true to myself and told him that and he apologized saying it was very wrong of him and he should’ve never mentioned it in the first place. Then he told me he had been thinking about me and went back to read some old conversations and he was confused on whether he really misses me or misses the physical stuff. We haven’t spoken about that subject since but we’ve spoken twice, once on facebook, which went surprisingly well, and once by text. He seems very receptive but then again when we broke up he did mention he wanted to remain friends. By text I just asked him about a college related thing and kept it simple and ended the conversation soon. But then after a few minutes he texted again wanting to know more about that college related thing but I took control of the conversation and ended it after 2 texts. He’s very stubborn so I doubt he’ll take the initiative to talk through text or facebook, but he has no problems doing it personally. What do you think? I’m gonna stick to your plan but sometimes I’m really overcome with doubts, like am I doing it right? I won’t admit defeat so soon though, but yeah… I wanted to know your opinion.

    Thank you for your work and dedication! Hope to hear from you :)

  46. shiela
    December 15, 2014 | 7:31 pm

    my boyfriend of 3 yrs broke up with me. he said the feeling is not the same anymore. at first i begged him to give us a chance and he agreed but he said the relationship will never be the same and he is not comfortable anymore. So i decided to let go because i dnt want make it harder for him. i want to follow NC but we are living together and one of us can’t move out yet because we are still settling some financial obligations..what can i do to somewhat apply NC? I really want him back and keep him forever

  47. Ed
    December 15, 2014 | 12:12 pm

    My ex and I broke up two weeks ago. He was having financial issues (student loan bills, hard time paying rent, hours getting cut at work, etc.) we got in a fight and he said the money reasons were becoming too strong and he needed to leave. we decided to stay together when he moved back, and he had intentions to move back to my place when he saved enough money.

    however when he moved back things did not go as planned. we were getting into a lot of fights, I went to thanksgiving with him and he and I figured out that he would be working almost everyday at his new jobs and we’d barely get to see each other. after thanksgiving we barely talked and he went to go hang out with his friends. didn’t speak to me for about a day and a half.

    I said that I think we needed a break and he said “I agree, I don’t think I can give you the love you need and deserve right now. and then he broke up with me. Not sure how to interpret that statement.

    I contacted him once since and he was extremely angry and told me “don’t text me again”. I’ve been in NC since then. Do you think there’s a chance we’ll get back together? he’s also deleted me on Facebook and all of our pixtures. Didn’t delete his other ex.

  48. amie
    December 11, 2014 | 9:45 pm

    Is this a good first text after 30 days NC? (the HIM part is me anticipating what he’ll say)

    ME: “Hey! I think I’m headed somewhere you’ve been…”

    HIM: “Where?”

    ME: “Sedona. Any recommendations? I hear it’s beautiful.”

    HIM: “blah blah blah”

    ME: Awesome, I’ll check (recommendation) out. Thank you. Have a great night.”

    (we dated 8 months and took a couple trips together. in 30 days of NC he has liked a couple pics on my Instagram but that’s all)

    • admin
      December 15, 2014 | 5:24 am


      • amie
        December 15, 2014 | 9:27 pm

        no need for me to initiate because he texted me on day # 25 !! ;)

        • amie
          December 16, 2014 | 9:21 pm

          PS … I forgot to mention his first message was, “I’m thinking about you. I haven’t heard from you in awhile.”


  49. Yui
    December 11, 2014 | 1:24 am

    Help Chris! My boyfriend broke up with me one month ago. He blocked me on facebook. I begged him to stay and chased him through email. He told me that we could be friends and made him unblock me on facebook. I tried to be friends with him, until I gave up on his cold replies such as “thanks” “okay” “bye”. I ask him if we could talk in skype for the last time because I have to forget about him too (but the truth is I still want him). The next day, he messaged me that he’s confuse. But I did not reply on his message thinking that I should apply the no contact rule. I’m on my 15 day of not contacting him. I can see him online on facebook but I ever message him. We were in a long distance relationship now by the way. What will I do? Do you think I can still get him back? Help me please.

    • admin
      December 15, 2014 | 5:15 am

      Are you blocked on the phone?

  50. Pam
    December 9, 2014 | 4:50 am

    My ex broke up with me a month and a half ago. We recently just started talking again, he said we could be friends, but I’ve been getting a lot of mixed signals. Telling me he remembers our favorite songs, places we used to go to, and stuff. He’s also been apologizing for the way he treated me a lot lately. Is there any chance of getting back together?

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