How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t. We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him get back with you I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have.

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

Here Is The Truth

It is impossible to guarantee that you can get a previous boyfriend back 100% of the time. However, it is possible to significantly raise your chances. The keyword there being SIGNIFICANTLY and before you get all argumentative I have seen the tactics outlined on this page work time and time again. It isn’t necessarily a fast process but there is proof out there to back up the claims being made.

But First..

Getting your ex back is going to be tough. This page, while amazingly detailed, won’t have every single step that you will need to successfully get him back. It is such a complicated process that even the 10,000 words on this page can’t cover everything you need to know. I have been running this site for quite some time and get an incredible amount of emails and comments every single day. Each person wants me to give them a detailed step by step plan that they can follow to get their ex back. The fact of the matter is that it is such a complex process that I really can’t give you everything you need in a post, email, comment or Facebook chat.

Don’t worry though, I saw this problem and spent two months creating that step by step plan people were clamoring for. It took me 20,000 words but I finally did it! I highly recommend you check it out if you get a chance. Click the link below!

ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn More

What This Page Is About

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

Here are some of the things that will be covered:

  • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  • Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back
  • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex
  • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
  • What To Do & What Not To Do
  • What To Do If He Cheated On You
  • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
  • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
  • How To Define Your Dating Goals

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1 - The No Contact Rule

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we do any soul searching or serious strategizing you are going to have to implement the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it. Remember above when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is done for two reasons.

First

Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.

Second

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.

IMPORTANT:

He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Special Cases Where You Have To Contact During No Contact

(Oh, just an FYI. I actually recently put together a massive book on the no contact rule. Check it out.)

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

2 - What Caused The Breakup?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On Men

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

He Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks. I feel for you but don’t worry we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex gave you for the break up is really why they broke up with you. This may sound a bit mean but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.

Cheating:

(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

You Broke Up With Him?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

You don’t feel attracted to him anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

There was a big fight and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goal

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

  • Saying you will die without him.
  • That he’s your whole life.
  • You’ll never find someone better.
  • Your not happy alone.
  • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

3 - What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Re-Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

  • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking or writing your ex boyfriend.
  • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
  • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
  • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
  • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

  • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
  • Staying home and not going out.
  • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
  • Making big life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend 😉 .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Physical Changes You Can Make:

You can change your hairstyle- I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

Get in shape- There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

Clean up your diet- Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

Mental Changes You Can Make:

Focus on work- It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

Renew a hobby- I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

Have fun- If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

To learn more about what other changes you can make during the no contact rule please check out my newest book,

The No Contact Rule Book

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)

This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

4 - Your Means Of Contact

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

The Phone

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkerish and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.

Texting

Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him.

I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

5 - The Game Plan

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

6 - Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Lets take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.

7 - First Contact Text Message

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

(Quick Sidenote: If you want a much more in-depth look at the process of texting an ex boyfriend I encourage you to take a look at “The Texting Bible.”

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big No-No’s

  • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

  • You have to be positive
  • You have to be confident
  • Again, don’t expect anything.
  • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
  • The messages can’t be too long.
  • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts

One Word Texts-

“hey…”

“Hello”

“What’s Up”

“Hi”

You get the gist here I hope.

GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts

For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:

“Thxs”
“Great”
“Interesting”

Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

8 - Remembering The Good Times

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

Big No-No’s

  • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”

or

Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

9 - How To Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. It certainly was in my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

The Rules

  • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
  • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
  • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

10 - The Heart To Heart Conversations

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

Important Things To Remember

  • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

11 - Taking THE Risk

taking-risk

Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

Guidelines For The Call

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
NEVER CALL MORE THAN ONCE A DAY.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

Two Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Beg,
Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

12 - The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

What Do You Think? (7,213)

  1. Alex - 0

    Alex

    My boyfriend of two years just broke up with me on Sunday. The breakup was really calm (aside from both of us crying) he asked to give me one last hug before he left…then he sprinted out of the door because he was crying so much. The next day we ran into each other at a coffee shop we used to go to (I will admit, I only went because I knew he would be there). I pretended like I didn’t see him. He saw me, and instead of leaving, he came up and patted me on the back asking how I was doing. I asked him if we could talk more and he said no because it’s only healthy to have some distance after a breakup. I took it as it is an backed off. The breakup came as a complete surprise to me. We had gone through quite a bit together and even travelled to Europe twice. We had one semi bad fight a month ago (but every couple has fights). When I asked him why he was breaking up with me he said “it’s not as enjoyable as it used to be and that he was tired of the on and off fighting(again, didn’t fight more than the average couple). When I asked him if he was sure about wanting to break up with me at the moment he said yes he was sure. I know other friends who have been in similar situations and they are now back together with their ex. I still love him, and I’m going to implement to the no contact rule for 5 weeks. I think that the five weeks will give me time to reflect on my feelings towards him and at the end of the five weeks if I still want to be with him then I am planning on sending him a text to ask if we can grab a quick drink or a coffee or something. Do you think that with my situation I should implement the no contact rule? He has also not unfollowed me on social media (which he is very active with)…should I unfollow him? Or should I let him view my posts/let him realize that I’m still going about my life and that I am not dependent on him for my happiness?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alex,

      yes on doing the no contact rule and being active in social media.. and yes, it would be better to make the posts public.. but after no contact, it would be better if you build rapport first before asking out.. texts firsts, then calls, then meet ups

  2. Josephine - 0

    Josephine

    I (25 years old) met my boyfriend (28 years old) 5 months ago and we hit it off from the start…a couple months in he lost his dad. He had cancer but was recovering and then actually ended up dying from a heart attack because his system and heart were weak from the cancer. I was away when his dad went to the hospital. I drove from the beach turned around immediately and we went to the ER. He died later the next morning and I stood by my boyfriend and held him through the tears. 2 weeks ago, we went to visit his family who loves us together and he was attached to his phone and when we argued he said he was just trying to focus on what makes him happy and can’t worry about me. Last week, I noticed that he was not surrounding himself with the best influences with drinking and all of that. I know people need to grieve in their own way but it concerned me when I saw the destructiveness. I started to feel sick around him because I could just see how hurt he was and there was nothing I could do except be there. We had a talk finally and I said that I didn’t know what to do for him anymore, that I care and will always be here but I want to be able to talk to him about my life too and haven’t felt like I could. He said he can’t be in a relationship right now and that I shouldn’t take it personally, that he thinks it is unfair to me that he can’t be there for me like he should or wishes he could. He said he is in a bad place, mentally, emotionally, etc. and he has nothing to give no matter how much he cares. His mom asked me to take care of him because she is a mess. One of the last things that his dad said to his family, that I found out at the funeral was that he said his son was good because he found me and he knew that I would take care of him when he died. I keep replaying that message in my head because I intend to live up to what they wanted for their son and care for him so much. I told him that I want to be with him and that I can’t begin to understand what he is going through but I also don’t want to be added stress to everything he is dealing with. I let him know that I will always be there to talk or listen, whatever he needs even if we aren’t together anymore. I have no idea what to do from here. I want him to get better but at the same time I also want to be with him. I know what is meant to be will be but I feel terrible that I am not by his side during this, even if it is what he asked of me. It has been a week and a half since we ended things and we spoke once, because we work in the same building and just kept it to basic work related things because there were other people around and I am respecting the space. During this time I can see things more clearly and have reconnected with friends, family, my job is going great and everything has gotten to a good point in my life. I realize now that I just got so used to being there for him because I thought it was the right thing to do, that I took on too much responsibility that I was drained emotionally and mentally until my breaking point. I know now, that regardless of the current circumstances that I need to come to a place of balance in all aspects of my life so I can have a better relationship with him and he will have more time to deal with everything on his own. (no matter how people grieve, I know they at least need some times to themselves to think). I know, a week and a half, crazy to make that transition but I cried for days, got it out of my system and know that I need to heal too for myself and if I want to get back with him someday. Advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you :))

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Josephine,

      But that’s good that you already had that realization with just a week after. Why not try to do a full 30 days? And then after, slowly start being friendly again with him

  3. marie - 0

    marie

    it all started when i was 14.. we actually used to talk on social network togeter just as firends…but we always wanted to meet each other… we talked so much almost everysinge day .. send eachother pictures…one day we decided we need to meet eachother but that was like 2 years later…so when we first met …every thing was good… i kinda felt akward because i just felt like maybe he things im ugly… but we were sitting next to each other.. and the moment i turn my face towards him he kissed me… since that day we started dating…everything was soo perfect i felt like .. this guys .. i need him for ever cus he is like me we have the same interests.. we laugh about the same thing …but our only issue was the distance … we lived 2 hours from eachother so we had ahard time to see eachother…something horrible happend after that… my parents decided bto put me in a boarding school to another country …i was only able to come on my vacation time… so we even saw eachother less….after 2 years of faditng he just suddenly broke up with me…didnt even really tell me why just that he wants to stay friends… we met once again with my friends and his frinds… and he couldt stop lookin at me… we even ended up kissing…and i told him maybe we should just give it a try …he said he will think about it…after i left he said he cant go back with me….when i went back to borading school from my school break…i found out that he was dating another girl…i was so heart broken..i even talked to his new girlfriend… i just told her to take good care of him..and just cryed all the time every day…..i even tryed to talk to him after a year again and he told me to never ever talk to him again and move on .. to finish my studies ….thats when i just completly stopped talking to him…i started to take care of my self even if i new i will never forget him…started to work out go out sing a lot do photoshooting i even had to move to a completly different continent to become more successfull…. but he came back from nowhere after 6 years…he added me on instagram liked all my pics but than unfriend me after a couple of days… he didnt even say 1 word so i just ignored every thing …after a year he came back again added me on snapchat and facebook started watching my snap for about a month all the time.. but removed me again without saying anything… this time i blocked him everywere because it hurts my feeling him doing this to me…he left and now trying coming back twice without saying anything.. and i just dont understand why….he even is now in contact with my sister they are talkin together …he even told my sister that he misses me but its just because of the distance….he dont know that i know that…but still why cant he just speak up to me ..he is the one who said i should never ever talk to him…i dont know what to do… id be ready to leave everything for him and start over just to spend the rest of my life with him but he is being complicated…im even planning to take some vacation to go back there and i really dont know what will happen but can you help me and give me some advise??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Marie,

      So, how old are you both now? I think you need to take it slow. You’re not together, but you’re already willing to give it your all. It’s not going to be a healthy relationship if you’re going to lose yourself in it.

  4. Ellie - 0

    Ellie

    Hi,
    Thank you for maintaining this great website. It really helps. I do have a question though. With my boyfriend we have been together for 4 years. I moved countries for him and we started living together around our first anniversary. Things were rocky though and we fought a lot. I attribute this to my personal insecurities at the time. We split following a huge fight around our second anniversary. I moved out and after a month, I was still living there, 2we started having sex. When I moved out, we started seeing each other more and more often. Initially he was distant but was warming up. Every time I mentioned relationship though he said he wanted to let things happen and feel it. During the past two months he became even more caring and interested and brought back his boyfriend behavior. I however needed answers. This rollercoaster has been going on for teo years and I wanted to know where this is going. Long story short, after a weird reaction on his side about whether we will celebrate our anniversary, I lost it. It ended with him saying: I like seeing you but I don’t want to make any plans woth you; you convinced me we are waisting our time; i have feelings for you but love is not coming back; maybe I will regret my decision but it is what it is. Just as a side note, three weeks before that we both took separate vacations and the first thing that he did when he came back was to come to my place and surprise me. When I asked hom about all this behaviour and him saying we are together. He could not answer. My question is – is there even a point to try or it is gone and over for good? Thank you. I am very very confised

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ellie,

      Look likes you’re actually just friends with benefits for two years but you’re not aware of it, or you try to move past it. If you want, you can still try doing the no contact rule.

  5. Lisa James - 0

    Lisa James

    I did sleep with him yeh, I don’t think either of us could ever get into a friends with benefits situation, it just couldn’t go that way, if ever one of us got with someone else I know we would cut it off and that would be that. But I get your point, that’s all I kind of have to hold back isn’t it. I will think about that if there is a next time. I’m trying very hard just to not initiate any chat over text and when I am away will be sure to keep up the no contact from my end. shouod i really be not getting back to his texts considering where we are and how much dialog we are in about it all?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you are going into no contact rule, yes you can’t reply.. And it’s not really good thing if you see each other and keep having sex without commitment. You’re more likely going to end more hurt than him because you know, he might get comfortable with just and not commit.

  6. Erikah07 - 0

    Erikah07

    My bf called it quits 2days ago after i struggled to gety my phone back from him…
    And its less than a month we hust made up from a quarrel.
    Its 6 months so far…
    I’ve texted him saying I’m sorry n all that but he’s just fixed on he wanting us to remain friends but relationship not any more.
    He says.. I’m too hard. Im not loyal for me to refuse to give him my phone.
    What do i do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erika,

      why does he want your phone? How old are you both?

  7. Lisa James - 0

    Lisa James

    Hi,
    I didn’t check back for your response until now and I wish I had. It seems you were right. I called him Wednesday night and we went for a drink and he stayed over, everything very normal. Went for breakfast the next morning and I said I felt a bit silly for being there since all he had said and he said not to and he should be the one feeling silly cos he had gone back on his word. I told him about my trip and said i didn’t want him to feel I was moving away from him and that was the last thing I would want. He encouraged me to go and when I suggested he come he said maybe and when would he need to tell me. We spent all day together and it was lovely. We met the next day , I went for dinner, he made a big effort , nice food, candles etc. After dinner we had a chat and I said I was nervous about leaving and that I was scared he would move on and he said that wouldn’t happen but that there was no guarantee we would get back together when I got back. After that I think I was a bit stressy, I woke him up early cos I thought I needed to go to a meeting and then managed to cancel it. I took the morning after pill and when I took it I told him I didn’t want to take it and he just said I was being dramatic and didn’t get drawn into it at all. He suggested we go for breakfast and I said maybe we were Jst torturing each other, he said we were just having a nice time enjoying each other’s company and couldn’t I just enjoy it. So we went for breakfast and a walk at end of the walk I said I wouldn’t see him before I went and had some stuff to say. He said wouldn’t we meet me for a coffee before I go and I said ok, and then I WISH I had gone but I went into this little speil about what would be different and what I had learned and e was just like – I don’t need to hear this – this is your own stuff – this feels like an assault. He said I hadn’t given him any space and (although I hadn’t contacted him in two weeks) and that he needed time and I needed to give him credit to make this decision and stop just trying to fix it and what would I do if i was in his shoes and did I think I could just say some magic words to unlock some answers. He was very kind and kissed me and told me he loved me when I left but I rly feel I have messed that up and now seeing your answer it is clear you understand where he is at better than me in my post beak up madness. He txt me yesterday after he found an old bank card asking if I had lost it I reported just saying no it was an old one and he could bin it thanks. Then HE asked what I was up to and we went back and forth with him re-starting a convo that could have ended a couple of times. I leave for my trip on Thursday. I won’t contact him for this coffee unless he does. Please give me some advice as to how to play this. I am not clear headed about any of it and wake up every day with an anxiety attack that he is lost.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lisa,

      Actually it was good that you didn’t read it right away. You have to hear it like from him, like a confirmation. Anyways, did you sleep with him? Don’t do that or you’re going to be friends with benefits… If you are going to do no contact, that means not replying if he asks for coffee.

  8. Susan - 0

    Susan

    Hi,

    My boyfriend broke up with me just a couple of days ago. She recently went to college about 2 hours away and we had plans to visit each other every couple of weeks. We’ve been together for just over a year and practically spent every day together and had so much fun. Although lately we both have been stressed and busy so things weren’t always in a great spot, but we worked through them (after discussing breaking up some months ago). He started to argue about small things and always had me prove I wasnt going to cheat on him (when I never gave him a reason not to trust me). After an argument he decided to break up with me saying it was because of long distance and because I have a medical condition which makes it difficult to enjoy his hobbies (which I liked and were still wanting to do in moderation). He knew when he started dating me that he didn’t care that I wasnt perfectly “his type”. Since he’s been gone he’s been making the long distance worse for himself and I feel as though it was stressing him out for some reason. He says he still loves me but he thinks it’s best. And advice? I love him and want to get back together but I am not sure.

    Reply
  9. Cece - 0

    Cece

    My ex and I were on and off for a sum of almost four years before he broke it off again four days ago, saying he just wanted to be friends and that he had tried and stayed every time he had tried to end it before because he didn’t want to lose me completely. He was my first everything, and I mean everything. When we first met, it felt like a dream. We instantly hit it off and have not been somehow together (text or in person) for more than a few weeks in the last four years. After we met we started talking, but he was talking to another girl, who he ended up being with for a few months. We still talked and were “friends” but always had that more than friends connection. When they broke up, he said he wanted to pick up where we left off. We started talking as more than friends again, but he also started talking to an old girl again. They ended up starting a relationship that lasted for the next year and a half. During this time, we still grew closer, and despite my better judgement, he cheated on her with me. We went through so much turmoil during this time, with him knowing that all I wanted was to be with him. He decided to move in with her, and I warned him it was a bad idea, and he refused to believe me and said he was ready. She made him call me and leave me a voicemail saying that for his relationship, we could not be friends and blocked my number. Not even a week after, she moved out. After three weeks of no contact, I was at a baseball game and he say me there. He instantly contacted me and asked if I was at the game, and spent the whole night apologizing for everything, saying that what she made him do was the biggest mistake of his life. We started talking consistently again, and after a month they officially broke up. From then, we finally had our chance and we dated, hung out and did almost everything together for the first time. He wasn’t quite ready to be with anyone, but he gave it a shot. We would get into fights here and there about stupid little things, that would scare Gina me make him feel controlled like his last ex did. We always somehow made it work and have texted almost every single day for most of the day since. I have told him I love him, and say it all the time, but he has never said it back. Since then, we have gone through little “breaks” where he wanted space, and didn’t want to talk, and more recently that he just wanted to be friends. But every single time, we would ever stop talking and eventually start being together again after a few weeks. This time, was much worse. He said that he just couldn’t do it anymore, and that we needed space. He said he wants to be friends, because he can’t imagine his life without me, but doesn’t understand why I can’t just be his friend. He doesn’t want to talk, and wants space. He is my best friend, and my rock. I cannot imagine my life without him either, and just have his feeling in my heart that he is afraid of having something real, because he doesn’t think he’s deserving of true love. He told me roommate who works with him, that he just couldn’t do it anymore and that he’s trying to stay away from texting me. I think if he realizes what life is like without me, he will realize how big of a mistake he made. We are on day 4 of no contact, but I am missing him so much that I don’t know how I’m going to hold out and not talk to him. Do I still have a chance to win him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cece,

      With all your back and forth, yes, he will probably be back later on but you need a restart, so it’s better if you do no contact. Check this one so, you’ll know what to do during no contact:
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

    • Cece - 0

      Cece

      Thank you! It’s frustrating, because he’s been asking my roommate about me indirectly every day, and we used to work at the same place, and he is making sure he tells anyone and everyone there that we are”done and never talking again”. He refused to delete my number and still has remains my friend on social medias (he doesn’t have a Facebook). I’m pretty sure this is just for show to cover up the fact that he doesn’t really want to be done, or that he doesn’t know what he wants, but could I be wrong?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It could be the later.. He may want to portray that he made a solid decision

  10. lauren - 0

    lauren

    So my ex boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. He basically said he thinks I needed to “learn and grow” as a person, and that he was in the way of my growth. I thought to myself, “if that was true, I would’ve approached him about that.” We honestly fought a lot, but it was because I would get frustrated with him, and things would just turn into an argument. After the breakup, I wrote him a short letter about a week later (just apologizing on my behalf because of the things I had said). Some of the things I had said were just immature and weren’t right. I felt it was good for me to just write that, and it made me feel better. He then wrote me a letter back the next day. It was a page longer than mine, and talked about “getting back together in the future.” It made me excited, but I then realized that it was probably just false hope. After that day, we talked for a little on the phone as regular (like we used to). He ended up having to go, and after that day, he didn’t show up to school for almost two weeks and we didn’t talk. When he came back to school, he would wave at me, say hi, try to initiate conversation, etc. It completely confused me, and made me wonder what he wanted. I didn’t even wave back sometimes, and eventually after a week, he stopped waving, and stopped trying to talk to me. After that, it was last Monday where I was finally the first to initiate conversation with him. It was honestly because I was tired of the confusion and annoyed with the fact that I never received closure in the relationship, so it was hard for me to move on. I just wanted to talk, get answers, and quit being confused. We ended up hanging out all last week during lunch, and we even went out after school to talk about things. He bought me food and we talked mainly about how we were doing. I was wanting closure, however, he failed to give me that. Our conversation carried on to the next day, and I even ditched class to “talk” to him, but we ended up just hanging out like how we used to. After that, he basically said “sorry we couldn’t continue our conversation. we can talk more Monday.” I was so annoyed that I said, “why do you want to carry it on until Monday. if there is more you need to say, just text me, as long as you’re comfortable doing so.” He simply said “okay. I won’t text you today, but I’ll text you tomorrow.” He never ended up texting me (which is fine), but I’m just so annoyed because I feel like he is just trying to play games with me. Trying to keep me around and engaged for whatever reason, but it doesn’t help with my growth or my feelings. I’m so hurt. He told me “I would love to get back together, but it’s the timing that confuses me.” That made absolutely no sense to me, and i don’t know what to do. He can’t keep hanging out with me and act like everything is okay. He broke up with me. There really shouldn’t be any contact. I don’t know if he really even cares to get back together, but I just think he wants to act interested so while he moves on, I don’t. I hope I’m wrong, but I’m afraid I’m not. I just want help, and I don’t know what to do next. Do I ignore him? Or confront him and just say I feel like he’s playing games and I’m not gonna play them?? PLEASE HELP!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lauren,

      Let’s say, I believe his reason for breaking up with you then that means he probably think you were clingy and he wants to be less of that. He’s still attracted to you but he doesn’t want you to continue to be clingy. And if that’s so, then you should try 30 days no contact.

  11. Sara - 0

    Sara

    Hi,

    we were together for almost two years. At the beginning we saw us everyday and we did a lot. After some month, he just says im not sure, about you, i like you and all but i don’t know. After two days he writes me can we meet? so we went to eat and then talk, and we talked a lot, i also sad that this is new for me(for him also second /3 girlfriend) and i tried to ask why? because everything was for me good, at least we had fun. Then we went back together again, we did a lot, we had a lot of stress(uni, work) and i was with him a lot…on the summer we went together in Spain… I also asked if he is happy? he sad yes. Then after he came later, i started talking about for future, he just reply: how can you be so sure we will be together? I mean i never told you i love you, only if you sad i had the feeling i should say too?! Then suddenly this came all shock to me, i couldn’t believe it!!! Actually i started loving him, and i thought with the time he will be more open and will say to me back, but this was worse, he sad he wanted to say to me after summer plans.. After we broke up, i didn’t contact him for a 27days or something, then suddenly we meet and he tries to talk to me as nothing happened as normal friend!!! so i wrote i need a distance. After a week, i wanted to meet him, and just talk that i finally accept this and see on his face, what he would say.. He just sad that he didn’t felt we will stay forever, and there are some small stuff i don’t like about you !! :O And since i saw the situation i tried to act norma and be a normal friend( i work with him too, so i didn’t wanted to have a wired situation at work)we enjoyed the dinner, talking a lot of things…I still have feelings for him, but this relationship mad me stronger, and made me somehow more selfish, that first i think more about me, that my feelings will not get hurt…i guess i just should move on, and try to forget him because as it look he didn’t love me enough..

    Reply
  12. Geena - 0

    Geena

    Hi me and my boyfriend recently broke up after 5 days break. I’m 21 and he’s 22, we’ve been dating 2 years and 8 months. Reason we broke up, coz he had personal issues with mixed feelings to me and I was depending to him so much. Which we both had problem and caused the unhappy relationship. He send me a text message and saying
    ‘I’m sorry we have to end it because I don’t want you focusing on getting back to me please don’t wait for me
    I want you to focus on your own life no distractions
    I’m doing this because it’s best for both of us
    I really need my space to myself geena, and I feel like going through this break won’t change anything
    So I’m breaking up with you
    Please understand’

    I am giving him the space, however I really want to back together

    Reply
  13. Casey - 0

    Casey

    My boyfriend and I just broke up last week after 2 years. He was my first love and my first everything. I thought everything was going fine between him and I until he decided to FaceTime me to break it all off because he said he lost feelings. How can someone lost feelings after an amazing 2 years of being together? We were both happy and all of the sudden it just happened. We barely had any fights and we would frequently come to each other’s houses to hang. I’ve been crying nonstop and haven’t been eating or sleeping. I went to the doctor and they gave me antidepressants because I’m not in the best shape emotionally and physically. I tried the NC rule but I always have the urge to text him and know how he’s doing. He would reply but usually it’s just one word answers. I miss him so much and I want him back. I can barely focus in class because all I can think about is him. We had plans for the future and we were both very commited to each other. Do you think he will ever come back? I said I would wait for him but he said we should just stay friends and maybe in the future will be back, just not right now.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Casey,

      did the relationship became boring? How old are you both? I understand that it’s hard but I think doing nc is still the better choice than keeping on chasing him right? If you want to increase your chances, then start no contact. And check this ones:
      The “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You” Video
      The Ungettable Girl

    • Casey - 0

      Casey

      Honestly, in my opinion, it didn’t get boring. We still did the things that made us happy. We would plan road trips and go on dates twice a week. He would say he loved me a few days before he broke up with me and I don’t understand how he was able to move on so quickly. We are 20 years old and I know thats pretty young. Hes a huge fanatic of playing video games and most of his friends said he broke up with me because of it! I’m planning on doing NC because what’s the point if I text him and he doesn’t reply, right?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yup.. So, he wants more time to play video games? Seems like you’re the only mature one in the relationship.. or maybe he just didn’t convey to you how he would really like to make time for it..

  14. Sara - 0

    Sara

    Hi,

    we were together for almost two years. At the beginning we saw us everyday and we did a lot. After some month, he just says im not sure, about you, i like you and all but i don’t know. After two days he writes me can we meet? so we went to eat and then talk, and we talked a lot, i also sad that this is new for me(for him also second /3 girlfriend) and i tried to ask why? because everything was for me good, at least we had fun. Then we went back together again, we did a lot, we had a lot of stress(uni, work) and i was with him a lot…on the summer we went together in Spain… I also asked if he is happy? he sad yes. Then after he came later, i started talking about for future, he just reply: how can you be so sure we will be together? I mean i never told you i love you, only if you sad i had the feeling i should say too?! Then suddenly this came all shock to me, i couldn’t believe it!!! Actually i started loving him, and i thought with the time he will be more open and will say to me back, but this was worse, he sad he wanted to say to me after summer plans.. After we broke up, i didn’t contact him for a 27days or something, then suddenly we meet and he tries to talk to me as nothing happened as normal friend!!! so i wrote i need a distance. After a week, i wanted to meet him, and just talk that i finally accept this and see on his face, what he would say.. He just sad that he didn’t felt we will stay forever, and there are some small stuff i don’t like about you !! :O And since i saw the situation i tried to act norma and be a normal friend( i work with him too, so i didn’t wanted to have a wired situation at work)we enjoyed the dinner, talking a lot of things…I still have feelings for him, but this relationship mad me stronger, and made me somehow more selfish, that first i think more about me, that my feelings will not get hurt…i guess i just should move on, and try to forget him because as it look he didn’t love me enough..

    Reply
  15. Harry - 0

    Harry

    Hello,
    My name is Henry. My ex and I were dating for 11 months before we broke up. After the break I went crazy and begged and pleaded too much. I started the NC with my ex and completed 21 days yesterday. I missed her and I called her and we talked positively really well. After this, it all went down hill. She’s in college now and lives an hour away. She told me about her schedule and what she’s been doing and how she missed me and didn’t contact me because I told her I needed space. She also found out that I started talking to another girl and she said “aww she’s cute, I’ll talk to her for you.” And then said “wow I’m giving you girl advice now, I don’t like it haha.” She went on to say that “wow you moved on fast” and I said no I didn’t move on. I accepted the break up. I also told her that the girl is only a friend for now. She said she missed me and still loved me and was wanting to know that if she doesn’t move on and I don’t move on, if we could get back together in the future. I told her idk and that’s unfair to me. I said I’ve changed and I want her back now. I know…I’m stupid! She said no she doesn’t wanna be with me right now. She said a lot of stupid stuff like how she wants to kiss me and how my birthday is coming up this weekend and she doesn’t care if I allow her or not but she’s gonna text me. I told her okay. I asked her if I should move on or not because I don’t want to be strung along and I don’t want to be friends and she said I should do whatever makes me happy and that’s all she cares about. I said I don’t wanna move on and that I love her still and I wanna be with her. Again I know stupid move! I asked her what I should do and she said whatever makes her happy! She asked me if she can start texting me and I said no because everytime she texts me, it will just give me false hope. My birthday is coming up in 3 days and I know she is going to text me. I’m planning on telling her thank you and that I’m sorry how I reacted over the call and that I’ve accepted the break up and going to move on and start talking about the new girl I’m talking to and try to make her jealous. Then start the tide affect of texting from there. Idk if this is the best move…but do you think I should do? Please help me!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Harry,
      uhm.. not really. It’s going to push her away because it’s too forward. What you want is to make her feel to want to be with you again but that you’re not rushing her. Less words more action. Build rapport through text, don’t ask or demand to be back together. Keep improving yourself. Don’t tell her directly that you are pursuing this girl and things are going forward, yada, yada. You’ll sound like you’re purposely trying to make her jealous. Keep it a mystery. Like yeah, we’re talking, just getting to know like being friends and then end it at that. Build rapport slowly..

    • Harry - 0

      Harry

      Thank you for the advice Amor! So what should I do when she texts me for my birthday? And should I start slowly texting her more and more after that or should I still keep my distance?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Thank her and then start a topic you can talk about. You need to build rapport, so that means you need to talk to her, just don’t be too available. If you had a good conversation today, leave it at that, and then continue it the next day or start a new topic again the next day and it’s important that you improve or maintain yourself. Go out with your friends too and be active in social media. Make her miss you by having fun in your own time, maintaining your own life, having fun conversations with her whenever you talk and maintaining your physical looks.

    • Harry - 0

      Harry

      Omg Amor I really messed up! Everything was going amazing yesterday! We were talking and everything. It was my birthday and I got pretty drunk with my friends. One of them idiots told me that my ex was making out with some guy at a random party! I felt so many emotions rushing inside my body that I called her many times to tell her that she lost me and that she fucked me over and I even texted her nasty stuff! It was the alcohol Amor!! Did I ruin my last chances of ever being with her?! What do I do amor? Please help me please!!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah, your chances took a hit but I think it’s not yet too late.. Apologize and then avoid that from happening again. You really have to make it seem that you’re moving on now but do not use any forward jealousy.

    • Harry - 0

      Harry

      Amor I tried calling her and she didn’t answer. I texted her asking her to call me back and she hasn’t replied at all! What should I do amor?!? Last night she said she didn’t love me anymore which is weird bc the time we spoke before she said she still loved me and missed me and wanted to kiss me! Idk what to do anymore. Please help!!

    • Harry - 0

      Harry

      Amor she finally called! I apologized and told her I was drunk and that it would never happen again. I also told her that I understand that she’s young and single and that I can’t help or control if she does kiss someone. That I will just have to be okay with it. She said yea and that we should just lead our own lives. I asked her if I can text and she said “why” and I said idk. I asked if she wants me to be in her life and that if we should remain in touch and she said, “why, what’s the point?” She found out I’m talking to a girl and that girl is her friend but not close friend, just friend. She said she was gonna tell that friend that she’s my ex. I said okay, idk why you need to do that but okay. I asked her if we have a future and she said idk. She just seemed like right now she doesn’t wanna talk but she’s afraid of me not talking to her again. I asked if I should leave her alone and she said “I mean no, idk! I just don’t want you thinking there’s something still there.” Should I talk to her? Text her? What should I do? I don’t want to do another no contact. Please help me Amor. I know she still cares about me because she was bothered by the fact that I talk to her distant friend. Please help

    • Harry - 0

      Harry

      Hey Amor! Sorry for constantly bothering you! But I have an update. I messaged her last night and she responded. But it was small one sentence with 5 word answers. I only sent two messages and she replied with two. Then I ended the convo. Today I messaged her and she replied. It was fast and the convo was interesting. I messaged her 4 times and she replied. I know I’m not suppose to message anymore. But it’s only the afternoon. The book says that I’m suppose to send 2 texts on day 1 and 4 texts on day 2 and increase as the days go by. But wouldn’t it seem weird to her if it’s only the afternoon and I don’t reply to her until tomorrow?! Can you please explain the concept behind this? Thank you so much. Also is there any other advice you want to give me since I am at the texting stage?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok.. it’s not a hard rule..
      what you need to keep in mind is the mystery and how you would keep her interested.. After what happened, yes she knows you still have feelings for her but you dont want her to think you’re chasing her.. dont be too avaialable.. be the one to end the conversation to end in high point and dont text all day.. if you always do that, it will become boring before you reach the calling phase

  16. Jen - 0

    Jen

    Hi!
    So my boyfriend and I just broke up 2 days ago. We broke up because I had lied to him about my ex calling me. So far he hasn’t changed his relationship status on Facebook yet, and he still has a picture of him and I for his default picture. We have been together for a year, but we have known each other for 6. We had split up before for a month because I lied to him about where I was at. (I went to my brothers to drink after my dad’s funeral and didn’t tell him.) He’s really big on honesty. We had a very serious relationship, lived together and everything. I explained to him that I was scared to tell him about my ex calling, thinking it would start a big fight, and that’s why I deleted it. He doesn’t understand and told me he’s given me too many chances and will never trust me again. I have always been faithful to him, I just made little mistakes. I really want another chance with him so I have started no contact. I don’t know what else to do… but I’m willing to do anything.

    Reply
  17. Mary Louise - 0

    Mary Louise

    Hi there,

    I am wondering about my situation. My ex broke up with me 8 months ago. I did no-contact and we started communicating again in June. He was very curious about me and wanted to see me a lot. It seemed like things were going pretty well, he was a bit hot and cold, then I distanced my self and he came back, being really sweet and loving. Then he went abroad for a month and became distant. Instead of re-instating NC I was confused, and messaged him frequently asking why he was acting the way he was etc. He wasn’t even being mean, but I just felt he wasn’t paying me attention or calling me or wanting to skype. I went a little over the top, but when he came back he wanted to see me, but seemed a bit more distant one moment, but would then be really sweet the next. Finally he said he didn’t know if he could really be in a committed relationship now since a lot of things are changing in his life. I left town for a week after that and did not have cell service so did NC. When I returned home he wanted to see me straight away. There was still this hot and cold thing, we were sleeping together and spending time together because I thought we were moving into a relationship, but he kept pulling away. Then he started trying to provoke me by talking about other women friends, who i believe are really friends, but it seemed like a way to try to make me jealous. He kept talking about all his other friends who he was so grateful for, seemingly as a way to say he wasn’t grateful for me. I was really hurt and then he said he was just confused and didn’t know what he wanted so he was being mean. But then later when i cried he looked smug and uncaring, pretty indifferent. I said i needed some space because he was being so mean, but then later i called him a number of times and texted and he turned off his phone. i was in a state and he wouldn’t respond which made me feel even worse and send more messages. Finally he responded saying that he didn’t want a relationship right now and can not commit “at the moment”, and that he thinks we should not be talking so we can have time to move on and re-connect as friends. I tried to call him and he would not pick up. I responded in a message saying it made sense….But I’m not sure what to do? NC ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Mary,

      if you keep doing nc, in the long run it won’t work anymore. But it looks it’s still the better option now.. Don’t sleep with him again until you’re really back together

  18. eva - 0

    eva

    Very stressed about my relationsip well ex relationship.

    Weve been together for three years and its gone really well, I knew he loved me and really wanted me.

    But this summer it started to fall apart. it definitelt started with me spending all my savings and using my student overdraft (id done it before) and I don’t think he was happy at all :/
    really messed things up we are long distance so I couldn’t see him (he wanted me to pay my debt before seeing me) I was accepted into a china summer programme (and he lend me money- now paid back and debt free)

    I also saw him again and he surprised me by visiting me up north, and I don’t think I appeared as happy as I shud have been I had my exam and super stressed. we had arguments after him saying he felt used etc…

    ive been trying my hardest but yesterday we had a silly argument over nothing and he broke up with me 🙁
    I begged him back and he was like too tired to talk and sad. and we ended it.
    not sure what to :/

    Reply
  19. Cherry Chily - 0

    Cherry Chily

    Hei! So, me and my boyfriend had been together for two and a half years. We were both each other’s first. This summer we travelled to Brasil to meet my family, he met my family for the first time. We had an amazing summer and were really happy. But when we came back his Mom got too involved in our relationship, requiring me to pay him back a good deal of the big amount of money he used up on the trip (he used way more than me on both of us). I agreed to it but I got really mad at him for allowing her to mix herself up in our relationship that much and for not talking to me himself, plus letting her say very humiliating things to me. The whole situation kept on escalating since he didn’t stand up against her, and at some point I had to tell her myself that it wasn’t her I was in a relationship with. She got very mad, didn’t wanna talk to me anymore… Called his Dad and etc. He stopped talking to me for a while, like a week, then we started talking again but had a fight about his parents once more at a wedding dinner I was working at. I ended up yelling at him and calling him childish in front of a lot of other people. He told me his Mom was thinking of starting a case against me with the police. I got very mad, and when she called him I kept on yelling on hte background that I wanted them out of my life. I realized I had overreacted, bought him flowers and etc. But he said it was “too little and too late”, and that it was over cause he had to think abou himself. Now his whole family knows about everything and thinks I’m a manipulative gold digger. After the breakup we met two days later when I dropped a gift to him at his job, I wasn’t supposed to meet him… We talked, kissed and he said he was trying to forgive me and etc. The day after he didn’t wanna talk to me anymore and was really mad… Cause he said the day before was proof of how I had been manipulating him for two and a half years. Around one and a half week later, he started talking to me again, we met 4 days on a row. On the 3rd day he kissed me cause he wanted to “test” our reactions to it… On total, by the end of the night we had kissed 4 times. He said he missed me and etc. But the day after when we were supposed to meet up with friends at the cinema, he asked to picked me up and said that he had made a decision that we had to be just friends with no kissing and etc. That he didn’t know if it would be like that forever, but that both his head and his heart were “foggy” and that he felt like a stone cause he didn’t know who he was anymore and he didn’t know what he felt… I cried the whole movie long. And when he dropped me at home, I kissed him and told him that I loved him and nearly begged him to forgive me and to just give us one chance to try again cause I couldn’t be just his friend. He left saying he would try. I sent him tons of pictures of us on Whatsapp and audios telling him how much he meant to me, so that he would listen to them and look at them while thinking… This was on sunday. On monday we talked a bit and at the end of the conversation I asked if he missed me and he said he didn’t know atm, and when I asked if I was bothering he said he didn’t know… That was the final drop for me and I decided to try NC, an hour and a half after I stopped answering he sent an emoji and I didn’t answer to that either. So he just stopped talking to me as well. Yesterday he met up with two friends of mine and said to both of them that it was being very hard for him as well but that he had made a decision of just being friends, even though he was very confused about his feelings… He said that there was too much in the past he wasn’t able to get over in orther to give us a new try. I don’t know what else to do, I have cried all night and all morning today. I miss him every minute of every single day. I don’t wanna see him move on and I don’t wanna move on either. I really want to win him back, and I know he still has feelings for me and loves me but everyone says that just isn’t enough. I’m up for changing and I have been changing. It’s been nearly 3 weeks since the breakup (on sunday). And we’re both 18, he’s turning 19 next month. What should I do? Should I keep on trying NC, and then contact him even though everyone says it’s stupid and I need to just let it go? He says he’s ready to be friends but that I’m not… Should I text him? Call? Try to be his friend now and build it back up from that? Do I even have a chance at all? Or should I wait with NC for 3/4 weeks and then get back in touch again, be friends and try to build it back up? Do you even think I have a chance at all? Specially with his whole family and some of his friends thinking and telling him that I’m a manipulative gold digger? Please answer, I don’t know what else to do! I love him so much!!

    Reply
    • Cherry Chily - 0

      Cherry Chily

      P.S.: The thing he said about having made a decision on just being friends and that he can’t get over the past has been freaking me out and making me cry and feel hopeless. Everyone said he was very serious and determined about his decision and that I just need to get off denial. I’m just wondering if this is normal? For him to react like that? Or if maybe his decision can be changed…? Even though he’s determined. As I said, I’m desperate about it… But just be, brutally honest. We had a great relationship but fought basically every day on the last months.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cherry Chilly,

      Imagine yourself in his position. It’s hard right? You face the people who hate your girlfriend every single day and you can’t argue because they’re right. You’re girlfriend did something very disrespectful to them and you can’t blame them even if you know your girlfriend probably didn’t mean it.

      First, I think you need to say a sincere apology to his family and then try to pay off whatever you can pay off. Yes, you were right that his mom shouldn’t have done what she did. That he should have been the one who talked to you, but because of how you reacted, it doesn’t matter that much now. All everybody can see is that you were disrespectful and you’re not a good influence.

      But I think you can still redeem yourself. You’re young. Still immature, so use that to explain yourself. It doesn’t matter now who’s wrong or right. What matters is you make up for what you did. Set your ego aside because being proud is immature. Say a sincere apology first and tell them it was out of being immature. And then don’t try to get back with your boyfriend right after that.
      Take it slow. They will probably think you’re just apologizing to get your bf back. So prove them wrong. Don’t do it yet. Get their trust back first. Just be friends with your ex.

      Say your apology, and then do no contact with your ex. Before doing nc, tell him you can’t manage being friends with him for a while and you need space to heal and when you’re ready, you’ll reconnect and then do nc. It’s ok to talk to his mom during nc. Just as long it’s nothing about trying to get help from his mom or anyone in his family to get him back. Just make it about the apology and making up. Do it with dignity. Be formal and respectful.

      and then after nc, slowly rebuild rapport.

    • Cherry Chily - 0

      Cherry Chily

      I am not completely sure I should apologize to her because she had already been rude a big amount of times. And by escalating I mean, she even went to my house when he was there and accused me of taking money from him. I don’t feel like I owe HER an apology, but him yes and I have apologized a thousand times at least. I never did anything towards her but after everything she did I had to say something. I sent flowers to his Dad and apologized about ever getting in between their relationship and I have asked him to talk to his grandparents about it because their conception of this situation is very far from the reality. And I always agreed on paying back. In fact, I offered him help paying off the bills while we still were on the trip, and he said no. He said that we would rather talk about it once we had gotten back home. I have already started nc a week ago, after apologizing tons of times to him. But neither me nor my family or friend feel like it would be correct of me to apologize to his Mom, because they created the situation in the first place and constantly accused me og things I didn’t do.

    • Cherry Chily - 0

      Cherry Chily

      I have also told them that I can’t be friends and everything else. It’s just that looking at the situation as a whole it would not have been correct for ME to apologize. It’s really not out of ego, I swear, it’s just that they think I have done things I haven’t. How can I apologize for things I didn’t really do? The only part I sincerely regret was the yelling when he was on the phone with her while I was working however, I had already taken so much from his family, so much judgement and humiliation that when he said what she had said about me… Then I couldn’t take it anymore. I was the one to offer help in the first place but no one even mentions that, they just say it as if I had taken money from him and refused myself to help which was never true. I have always treated his family with very much respect, and I only said what I said after had been yelled at in front of my house for minutes without saying a word… In fact the first thing I said was that I wasn’t comfortable with any of this and that I didn’t wanna hurt her (his Mom’s) feelings. I was called childish, accused of things and still… That was all I said. When I put myself on his place I would’ve set an end to it a long time ago, I would never even have let it get so far. I just wish he would realize that and explain the truth to his family, because I understand their anger towards what they think they know… But when that isn’t true and no one bothers to give a chance to explain myself… Then it’s impossible. Thank you for replying <3

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Well, you apologized to his father, that’s the same. The apology is to help you influence the way they think about you. You already did it, so that’s good.

    • Cherry Chily - 0

      Cherry Chily

      Is there anything else I should do besides from (or meanwhile) NC? Or should I do something specific after NC?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yes, you should continue the routine that you will start during nc. Be consistent in having your own life apart from your ex and don’t rush things after nc.

    • Cherry Chily - 0

      Cherry Chily

      P.s. Should I do more or less than 30 days?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you should do at least 45 days.

    • Cherry Chily - 0

      Cherry Chily

      I think these are the last questions I have… It’s been 8 days since I started NC, but apparently he’s having a party in around 10 days that I might be invited to… Many of my friend r going… Should I go? And hee’s birthday is coming up pretty soon… Around the 31st day of NC… Should I send a message? I thought of dropping a gift at his job… Should I do that as well or should I do that at all? And should I continue with the other 15 days of NC after that or should I just start talking to him aroung/on his b-day? I guess my question is generally what I should do on these two situations coming up soon… :/

    • Cherry Chily - 0

      Cherry Chily

      Oh yes and, last saturday (ot 3 days ago but the one before that) he kissed me. Then on sunady he said he had made a decisionn that we should only be friends because he didn’t wanna confuse himself more nor hurt me. And he also said that he had regreted the kiss. Although he seemed pretty into it on saturday like I told you before… His friends say he seem pretty serious and determined about his decision of staying friends and I am very unsure about if this means I should just give up…? They also said he just seems like he want to get this “Awkard part” over with. He said to me on Saturday that the kiss felt good/normal, as if we had been in a relationship again… But he had also been syaing all the time we had been talking that his mind and his heart felt foggy, that he didn’t know who he was nor what he felt. That he just felt cold inside like a stone. But when he’s on and off, then idk… If he’s mind and heart are foggy then, how can he still regret the kiss and decide to just be friends? Does that mean I should give up and take his decision and his friend’s word as a final word?

    • Cherry Chily - 0

      Cherry Chily

      He also said he didn’t want me to adapt to this new cold version of him because he needed me to be myself so that he could go back to being himself. But that was on friday, before the kiss on saturday and the decision on sunday… I started NC after I asked if he had been missing me and he answered idk, and asked if I was bothering and he also answered idk. Around one and a half hour after his last reply he sent an emoji, I guess to make me answer or something but I didn’t answer anymore… Since then we haven’t spoken. It just went a bit too hell last week when he met up with a friend we have in common and he said that he didn’t see us being more than friends… Then another common friend said the same thing, and that he had some things he wanted to deliver back and pick up at my place… As I said… Should I just give up? Even though he says his mind and heart are foggy he still made this decisions and said these things and the whole picture is very confusing… After this 2nd friend was at my place, he thanked this friend for taking care of me when I was crying and not understanding anything… And our friend said to him that he did it for me not for him, and that he really had to make up his mind… Then he answered that he had made up his mind, and that he didn’t want anything else but friendship… Even though he was having a hard time and the whole foggy thing… Idk! What should I do about this? What do you think is going on in his mind? Is it hopeless? Should I just give up?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      No, on all situations.. Because you’re in nc.. You should listen to the podcast that I’m linking on why you shouldn’t greet and send a birthday present. He’s confused. That’s normal. Try doing no contact first before giving up. Focus in improving and healing yourself for 45 days..

  20. Eunice - 0

    Eunice

    Hi, we just broke up one week ago. I am 20 and he is 22, we have been on and off for several times. Me and my boy friend together for 6 months. We have been quarrelled all the time and people say we just don’t meant to be together. But we do have a lot of sweet memories. Last Thursday, he came to my house, we have a big argument again because of he doesn’t want to continue his studies and I’m not agree with it. Therefore we broken up because of this. He blocked me from all the application such as whatsapp, facebook, snapchat. I have no any way to contact him. Thus I use my dad’s phone to text him 5 days after we broke up, he ask me to stop wasting his time and said he is happy with his life without me now. I’m sad. But he did not change all his social media profile picture, he is still using the picture of both of us. I really want him back… What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Eunice,

      What about the advice above? Are you going to try it? Are you going to do no contact?

    • Eunice - 0

      Eunice

      Yes and I am already doing the NC now. But what I’m worried about how he still blocked me after NC… then i will have no way to contact him…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you’re still blocked after nc, that means you need to extend it.. Focus more in improving yourself during nc.. If he sees you have moved on and that you’re not going to try to chase him anymore, there’s a higher chance he will unblock you

  21. Lisa James - 0

    Lisa James

    I was with my ex for nearly 4 years. The power balance in our relationship was always with me, with hindsight I can see that was a problem now. He always wanted us to live alone without flatmates and I always said I wasn’t ready, he would bring up marriage and I would bat it away and I knew that upset him. He would get quite jealous and although I never had any flirtations with anyone let alone cheated on him I know I didn’t ever reassure him as much as I could have, I was always holding back and he never was. He was away on work a lot and I had a lot on and was very independent and took him for granted I think, thinking he would always be there. At the start of this year I told him I was moving out, that needed space, he was devastated and tried to convince me to stay, I refused and went ahead with the move. He tried to re-start the relationship for a couple of months but I kept on the back foot saying I wasn’t ready and being quite un-committal. Eventually he broke up with me saying it was the only thing left to try and that he felt I didn’t want to be with him. After a week I realised how devestated I was and contacted him but he had found a new flat and was in a different head space. We chatted on the phone and he said the power imbalance in our relationship had always been off (in my favor) and what really has changed etc. We didn’t meet up. I then sent him a letter saying what had changed for me and how I was seeing things now and that I want him back and sorry for what I have put him through. He text me and said thank you and that it gave him lots to think about. He then went on holiday for three weeks and I got completely obsessive about him, I manage to text him just twice and call him twice while he was away. Again saying how sorry I was and that I wanted him back, He responded very kindly and I took hope in phases like “it’s not a mess” and “use this time rather than just panicking” and that he said he loved me etc. When he got back I texted him and he text back genral chat, when I asked to meet up he didn’t reply. I called him three days later and asked if I could come over and see him, I said it didn’t have to be everything, just seeing him. I went over, we had sex and were being normal and like a couple and everything, in the morning I was being very normal bringing up the future as if we would be back together a couple of times. We went for breakfast and when I went to hold his hand he moved it away slightly which I clocked but later we held hands etc as normal. He asked if we could not talk about it today and just enjoy today and I said ok. We had a lovely normal day and hung out until late evening and I asked him to stay at mine and he said he better not and that we would meet later in the week to discuss things. We left on great terms and I text saying it was great to see him and he text saying the same, I asked if he needed help with some work he was doing the next day and he said that his friend would probably be helping him but he would let me know. We texted the following day. The day after that he texted me a photo of something he was doing at 11am and I forgot to text back until 7pm, me not texting back is something that always upset him so this was not a good thing to have done. I texted him a few days later about this meet up and he said he was busy it was his friends BBQ, I made a bit of a fuss saying I had cancelled plans and was this not important to him, not what he wanted and suddenly he said that this chat was about us discussing hvaing broken up rather than about us getting back together and he was insulted that I wasn’t taking him breaking up me seriously. He said he felt like he had been standing still going mad all this time and everytime there is hope we are getting back together it messes with his brain. That night, in the midddle of the night I turned up at his flat, he gave me a hug, told me he loved me, let me sleep in his bed but in the morning said that we are broken up and that is it. I tried to contact him the next night and asked to meet up he said he didn’t think it was a good idea. The next morning I called him and asked to meet up, we had a long chat, I told him he was the love of my life, he said he had always thought I was and now something had shifted and he didn’t feel like that anymore, that he hadn’t been happy and that he never thought I was really in it for the long haul. I begged him and said it would be different but he stuck by it and got angry and said that he was insulted I wasn’t taking it seriously and that I hadn’t given him a second while he was on holiday or since he had come back. I said i would stop contacting him now and he said ok, although there was a pause in his voice before he said ok. I dropped a moving in present off at his flat with a note saying I had bought it earlier and still wanted him to have it. Three days later he texted to say thank you and I replied saying I was glad he liked it. two weeks later I called him in the night and he didn’t pick up and text him and he didn’t reply. Three days ago I asked him to meet face to face and said I am going traveling and wanted to chat before I go, he replied saying he would be up for that and with casual chatty conversation. I have brought up traveling before and said I would not go if he wanted me to stay and he has said I should go. My friend is flying in 9 days, if I am going that is when I need to go but I am not meeting my ex until Friday (today is Wednesday) I am going MAD without him being in the same city as him and am hugely down and sad so going away seems like a good idea but I also know that our main issue is me not committing so I don’t want to add more fuel to the fire by leaving at this crucial point. My friends and family are all telling me to go because they believe it is over and they are worried about me and think I need space but I want to do everything I can to save this relationship and if that means bearing being in the city longer then I would do it. I am really stuck about this. What do you think I should do?? not going would be needy and seem weak and unattractive but going might give him more space to move on from me???

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lisa,

      you’re giving committment at the wrong time now.. He already made a decision and your actions doesn’t convey commitment, it conveys disrespect and contradiction to him.. Listen to him.. That’s what he has been saying.

  22. Kat - 0

    Kat

    I am not sure I understand what to do after NC if your ex contacts you during. We broke up for good about a week and a half ago; he initially wanted to break up with me prior but I asked for more time for us to think about it. After we talked and he broke up with me I sent him one last text thanking him for the good times and started NC. About a week into NC he texted me because he heard about people getting hurt in NYC where I am from and wanted to know if it was anyone I knew. I did not respond because it’s a big city, no one has told me of anything happening to them. I did not see this as an emergency so I did not answer. I got the sense based on the timing of the text that he was less worried that something happened and more so wanted to touch base. He is also the type of person that will not respond to a text when he has nothing to say, so I figure for once it is a taste of his own medicine. Once the 30 days pass though, what should I say? It would seem odd to completely ignore this text given the subject and bring up another topic when I reach out. But it would also seem weird to respond to it after weeks. I deleted his contact info from my phone when we broke up but he is not blocked so I knew it was him when he texted. I am hoping he will contact me again closer to the end of NC so it gives me a chance to respond to something else. What should I do?

    Reply
  23. Regina - 0

    Regina

    My boyfriend and I started dating after 3 months of talking and we recently broke up after 9 months. We’ve seen each other at our lowest and have always been there for each other. His family situation is really complicated in a sense that he doesn’t really know how to care for someone the way normal people do. He always pushes people away and thinks it’s always him against the world because that’s the way it’s always been for him. When we first broke up he told me that he didn’t feel like he had freedom with me and that he couldn’t do it anymore (we were in a long distance relationship). Yesterday he called me after I had texted him the night before explaining that he can’t keep going back and forth, stringing me along and said that he loves me and that he does want to be with me but he would just cause me more pain in the long run because he can’t care for me the way that I deserve. He told me that if we do get back together, it won’t be any time soon because he needs to learn how to care about others besides himself. What do I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Regina,

      he broke up with you because he’s having family problems? Or is it because you’re doing a long distance relationship? Have you met in person?

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