How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t. We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him get back with you I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have.

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

Here Is The Truth

It is impossible to guarantee that you can get a previous boyfriend back 100% of the time. However, it is possible to significantly raise your chances. The keyword there being SIGNIFICANTLY and before you get all argumentative I have seen the tactics outlined on this page work time and time again. It isn’t necessarily a fast process but there is proof out there to back up the claims being made.

But First..

Getting your ex back is going to be tough. This page, while amazingly detailed, won’t have every single step that you will need to successfully get him back. It is such a complicated process that even the 10,000 words on this page can’t cover everything you need to know. I have been running this site for quite some time and get an incredible amount of emails and comments every single day. Each person wants me to give them a detailed step by step plan that they can follow to get their ex back. The fact of the matter is that it is such a complex process that I really can’t give you everything you need in a post, email, comment or Facebook chat.

Don’t worry though, I saw this problem and spent two months creating that step by step plan people were clamoring for. It took me 20,000 words but I finally did it! I highly recommend you check it out if you get a chance. Click the link below!

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

What This Page Is About

relationship infographic

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

Here are some of the things that will be covered:

  • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  • Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back
  • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex
  • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
  • What To Do & What Not To Do
  • What To Do If He Cheated On You
  • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
  • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
  • How To Define Your Dating Goals

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

The No Contact Rule

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we do any soul searching or serious strategizing you are going to have to implement the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it. Remember above when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is done for two reasons.


Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.


Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.


He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Special Cases Where You Have To Contact During No Contact

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

What Caused The Breakup?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On Men

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

He Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks. I feel for you but don’t worry we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex gave you for the break up is really why they broke up with you. This may sound a bit mean but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.


(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

You Broke Up With Him?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

You don’t feel attracted to him anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

There was a big fight and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goal

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

  • Saying you will die without him.
  • That he’s your whole life.
  • You’ll never find someone better.
  • Your not happy alone.
  • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Re-Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

  • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking or writing your ex boyfriend.
  • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
  • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
  • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
  • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

  • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
  • Staying home and not going out.
  • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
  • Making big life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend ;) .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Physical Changes You Can Make:

You can change your hairstyle- I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

Get in shape- There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

Clean up your diet- Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

Mental Changes You Can Make:

Focus on work- It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

Renew a hobby- I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

Have fun- If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)


This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

Your Means Of Contact

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

The Phone

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkerish and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.


Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

The Game Plan

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Lets take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.

First Contact Text Message 

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big No-No’s

  • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

  • You have to be positive
  • You have to be confident
  • Again, don’t expect anything.
  • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
  • The messages can’t be too long.
  • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts

One Word Texts-



“What’s Up”


You get the gist here I hope.

GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts

For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:


Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

Remembering The Good Times

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

Big No-No’s

  • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”


Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

How To Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. That is a certainty. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

The Rules

  • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
  • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
  • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

The Heart To Heart Conversations

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

Important Things To Remember

  • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

Taking THE Risk


Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

Guidelines For The Call

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

Two Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

Sarah and Kai

The Sarah Vs. Kai Case Study

Put your email in the box on the right to follow along as I show two women exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.Right Arrow

4,228 Responses to How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  1. Tina
    April 23, 2014 | 10:22 pm

    My ex and I dated for three months than off an on for two more. His friends told him he spent too much time with me. I got mad after he cancelled dinner for the fifth day in a row and he said I wanted too much of a commitment. Although, he wanted to move in together, for me to meet his family, and to get a dog together. I told him I wasn’t ready for those things, but he says I’m the one who wants too much of a commitment. He always talks about the future and has told me he was worried he would push me away if he cared too much.

    He also is a military veteran with PTSD and other invisible wounds. He has been divorced for three years and recently moved back to his hometown, where I live. He is financially taking care of his teen brother and mother who doesn’t work. He started school right before we broke up the first time. He says he loves me but he doesn’t have time for a relationship, because he has to focus on work and school so he can take care of his family. He told me I deserve someone who is already financially responsible and has a life plan. I told him I didn’t care about that. After the last time we broke up, I cut off contact. He tried to text, but I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea because he wants space. He isn’t dating anyone. He really is going to school and working all day.

    I had started NC but 3 weeks in he started telling our mutual friends that I hate him. He told them that I’m too perfect for him. I felt the need to ask him to stop telling people that I hate him. He tried to reply about other things, but I shut it down. He has been telling me for 5 weeks that he is mailing me a letter, but I have yet to receive it. I restarted NC, but I guess do you think there is any hope? He isn’t making any initial direct contact.

    • admin
      April 24, 2014 | 4:07 pm

      So, he has a lot going on. Man… thats a lot for any guy to take with the war and the PTSD and the teen brother and mother.

      Its probably good he is thinking about you so much even if he is saying stuff like that.

  2. Tanya
    April 23, 2014 | 3:21 pm

    My ex and I dated for about six months before he broke things off with me exactly a month today. we were so happy, made each other happy and made plans for the future i.e. get married next year etc. A friend advised on the no contact rule but the following day my cousin asked i send him an email, i apologized and all in he email, he reads it, calls me and says i should stop making it harder than it already is and hes not changing his mind. The reason we broke up was due to my fears and insecurities so i would basically accuse him of doing something or be overtly suspicious of other things and to be honest it wasn’t an issue of trust and neither did he give me a reason to doubt him ever, i guess its a baggage from past relationships. after the email and call, i left him alone for a few days no contact, i contacted his best friend and asked him to speak to him on my behalf, he was still insisting it was over, at that point i asked him to call me to which he did and we had a conversation, talking and catching up but still when the topic came up it was still the same response, after that incident i decided not to contact him (this was 2nd week after we broke up). I had to get in touch with him because of some recruiter he put me in touch with (he lives in the middle east and we were looking for jobs for me out there)so he called me back and we caught up again until i brought up the conversation of us again, he still was adamant. he sounded even more angry because each time we spoke i would ask if hes met someone and he will say no but then say to me this is what he doesn’t like and why he feels he made the right decision. at the end of our last conversation, i was very angry and asked him to go check himself and stop running away from his fears. that was 2 weeks ago. he has not contacted me since and neither have I. I am off to Dubai on Tuesday where he lives and I don’t know what to do, obviously i would like to see him but that will be breaking the no contact rule, he initially asked me not to come but my ticket was non-refundable and tbh i need a break from work. I don’t know if i contact him when im out there to meet up if he will oblige. he does know exactly when im coming. im so confused because i don’t know what to do. Another thing that’s confused me, since the last two weeks we haven’t spoken, he has been changing his profile picture on his blackberry messenger everyday, either with pictures of things we talked about or him going to concerts or having fun with friends and colleagues, now this is weird because ever since i met him and we dated 8 months in total he only ever changed his profile picture 3x. in my head i feel like he misses me and wants me to see what hes up to or sharing what hes up to without contacting me or am i reading too much into it. Please i need advise cos i don’t know what else to do. this was a relationship leading to marriage. I have apologized for letting my fears get the best of me, i know hes a bit worried about ending up in an unhappy marriage or something, maybe that’s his reason. please help cos i want him back but i don’t want to push him away any further as i realize i may have in the initial contact stage immediately after the break up. Please contact me asap. my trip is on the 29th April

  3. Yvette
    April 23, 2014 | 1:16 pm

    What if my reason of wanting him back is because ” I want him in my life”
    is it an acceptable reason?

    • Yvette
      April 23, 2014 | 1:21 pm

      And his birthday is in this coming May.. I think ofcourse I should greet him…. but will it affect the 30days no contact rule?

      • Yvette
        April 23, 2014 | 1:23 pm

        And his birthday is on this coming May.. I think ofcourse I should greet him…. but will it affect the 30days no contact rule?

    • admin
      April 23, 2014 | 4:10 pm

      Nope you need to find something better than that.

  4. Jovi
    April 23, 2014 | 7:48 am

    Hi, I spent time with my boyfriend’s family over the weekend and it was so much fun. But when it was my turn to ask if he wants to go out with my family he said he will think about it which made me felt really insulted. I felt like my efforts were not being reciprocated. So we got into a huge fight and he decided to break up with me. I got too emotional to the point that I looked so desperate, begging him to stay in the relationship. He said he’s no longer happy and he doesn’t know if he still loves me. So I gave him his space thinking that maybe he just said that because he’s mad at me. We agreed to meet on a certain date to finally decide on things. Do I still have hopes of getting him back? Thanks.

  5. Sally
    April 23, 2014 | 3:15 am

    hey chris I have been re reading the website and the books that you had published. should I wait for a positive response in each stage before moving to the next stage?

    • admin
      April 23, 2014 | 3:34 pm

      Generally yes.

  6. Yesi
    April 22, 2014 | 11:12 pm

    My bf of 5 months broke up with me last Friday due to an argument about him leaving so late to see me ( we leave 5 hours away) made him so unstable and cranky . We are different since he is laid back and self employ and I am planner and hAve a job at office . Anyway he has my car and we had to here to go to Vegas in less than 2 weeks . He want it to be left alone until he felt better and calm, to talk about this after I told him I can’t change name on the companion award ticket . I left him alone Sunday and today he says he is ready to talk . He had told me when he ended things that he will return my car within a week and he was not going to Vegas. What shouid I do ? I kind still want to go to Vegas as friends but is that a good idea . A friénd suggested i just ask him What Was fair to both of us . I paid for airfare and he was paying fur everthing else down there . Please advice soon

    • admin
      April 23, 2014 | 3:54 pm

      Get your car before anything else.

  7. Catherine
    April 22, 2014 | 1:54 pm

    Hola! I would love to get your insight on my situation. My loving boyfriend of 2 years ( plus good friends since we were 15) randomly broke up with me. He is the nicest guy and we have had a very strong, happy relationship. We were the couple people were jealous of. Unfortunately, he has been unbelievably busy this year with school. Plus this semester has been tough for me due to harassment at work that triggered a lot of anxiety. He stood by me through all of it but it was really stressful and hard for both of us. But He was amazing. But then he turned 21 ( im 20) and wanted to go out to the bars. One night I got mad at him for going out but quickly apologized with a nice text. He said it was okay and told me he loved me. That night we got into a uge fight and he just left. I didn’t find him until 4:30 in the morning. He all of a sudden said he could t do this anymore and we needed to break up. I apologized for acting like a jerk that night but he still wanted to end it. Instead we took a break for a week and then we met up and he said he didn’t think I was the one anymore. He said we didn’t have anything in common and he wants to see whats out there. I acted like it was okay. He seemed sad. It’s like he turned into a different person after our fight. He was always the one to say that our relationship will be okay. No matter what. Now he isn’t happy with me anymore? Like wth lol. I haven’t talked to him since we broke up on Saturday. Do you think I have a good chance getting him back if I keep following the plan? I mean how can things be so happy and then go to hell after one fight. Maybe he is just too stressed? Idk…but I want to be a family and marriage therapist so this is very interesting to me too! Let me know, as a guy, what you think!

    • admin
      April 22, 2014 | 5:01 pm

      What about him going out to the bars bugged you? Were you afraid he would cheat or something?

  8. Gabriela
    April 22, 2014 | 12:29 pm

    Hello. My boyfriend (7 years older) broke up with me 2 weeks ago after 2 and a half year relationship. First two years we had a long distance relationship, and for the last 6 months we’ve been living together.We want the same things in life. We were happy, he was always telling me I was the one for him and that he loves me very much, but lately we were growing apart. He never wanted to go somewhere out of the apartment. He says he thinks he’s never gonna be happy with me because I’m nagging and pressure him and sometimes take my stress out on him and that he needs his peace and prefers being alone. That is partly true, I really started taking him for granted and now I am sorry and I told him that but he is sometimes very sure that he doesn’t want me anymore, but sometimes he says he loves me but he is not sure what to do. We will be living together for the next two months because I am finishing college (this is one of the reasons I was nervous and hard to talk to lately). What do I do to get him bach, I can’t try the NC rule since we’re living together, can’t see anything similar in previous comments?
    Thank you very much for your help.

  9. Denise
    April 21, 2014 | 3:50 pm

    I have been following the steps for the past two weeks trying to get my ex-boyfriend back. We dated for 6 months, but he broke up with me 4.5 months ago. I wanted more time together and, as a person with ADD, he was struggling to balance time with me with all the other things he was cramming into his life. He has been responsive to my text messages and the tone has been positive. However, I only get one response. If I send a follow-up text to his response, he does not respond. Also, the “showing support” and “complimenting him” got no response at all. I am almost to the part of the plan where I am supposed to call him, but so far, my efforts don’t seem to be drawing him out (i.e., he seems happy but not eager to be in contact). Do I keep proceeding with the plan, which means I would be calling him in a few days, or do I keep sending him texts until I get a warmer response?

  10. Brenda
    April 21, 2014 | 3:46 pm

    Yay! I got a positive response :)

    So I sent a happy Easter text as my initial contact and he responded back quickly and positively. Even agreed to to telling his parents I said happy Easter to them.

    Do I send more of the initial contact formatted texts or do I move onto the good times one now? Do I just send one of each and move down the line…. One initial, one good times, one jealousy, etc?

    And most importantly, how long do I wait to send something again? Days? Weeks? Help! I don’t want to be pushy with him but I’d like to progress in the communication.

    • admin
      April 21, 2014 | 4:24 pm

      No you spread the texts out.

      • Brenda
        April 21, 2014 | 6:22 pm

        As in waiting over a week between texts? And I should send the memory text as my 2nd contact, correct?

        • admin
          April 22, 2014 | 4:38 pm

          Only if you think the time is right. You kind of have to play it by ear with this stuff.

  11. Kimberly
    April 21, 2014 | 12:45 pm

    I text my ex boyfriend happy Easter I hope you have a blessed day:)…and after I already went to sleep I woke up to yeah happy Easter….What should I say now?

  12. Elle
    April 21, 2014 | 5:13 am

    Me and my ex have been separated for several months now. I didn’t contact him, nor did he contact me whatsoever. We have several mutual friends so we’ve been in each others presence a few times but never really talked. A few weeks ago I decided to write him a letter, letting him know that I had accepted the breakup and apologized for my insecurity and not respecting his decision. He responded via FB message telling me how much he appreciated what I had written.

    About a week later, he texted me out of the blue, making small talk and curious about something I had gotten. A few days later, we’re at a mutual friends’ party, we talked very little though. He had brought a lady friend, not sure if she’s a girlfriend or something else, I already knew of her though. I had a friend with me as well. He made his curiosity of who my friend was obvious when I had to go out to my car, buzzed to be let back in the apt., and he came down to let me in asking if I was waiting for him. He actually made conversation with my friend when he did show, chatted with him more than me funny enough.

    There was also an observation I made of how he had become a tad affectionate towards his lady friend when my friend showed up, but when my friend had to leave, he stopped. I don’t know if he was trying to get a feel of me and my friend’s relationship or what.

    Party was good too, no drama, no negativity of the sort, a little awkward at first but it was good. Next day I unexpectedly get a friend request from my ex on FB. This has thrown me for a loop honestly. The big question is why? Did the situation just pique is curiosity of how I’ve been doing? Trying to keep tabs now? Get into the friend zone? The biggest question here is why? It was just really out of the blue.

    (I have neither confirmed nor denied the request as I’m still unsure on how to go about it..)

    • admin
      April 21, 2014 | 4:23 pm

      I say confirm it and work it to your advantage.

      • Elle
        April 24, 2014 | 3:47 am

        I won’t deny that it has piqued my curiosity as to what has suddenly made him so curious. But at the same time I also feel a little uncertain. Not to toot my own horn, I’m going to anyway, but I did look pretty fantastic and felt really good about myself at the party. I can only assume that may have played a roll in it. Not to mention my male companion, who has made it quite obvious of his interest in me.

        Really I just want to pick his brain. :p

  13. Beautiful Brunette
    April 21, 2014 | 1:20 am

    Dear Chris,
    I am a fan of your website and I have
    been taking a lot of your advice on
    how to get an ex boyfriend back. I am in a
    pretty unique and slightly twisted situation
    here with my ex bf and I am hoping and
    praying you will take the time to read my
    post and shed some light on my situation
    and help me from where to go from here
    because I am feeling a little stuck.
    First of all, I’ll start by letting you know that
    My ex and I first got together in June 2012,
    it was a whirlwind romance, he swept me off
    my feet completely and we both fell very
    hard very fast. He told me he loved me on
    our third date, and we were inseparable
    for four months. He started to become really
    busy (working a lot, and also professionally
    Races motocross ) and he tried his best to
    make time for me but I was not happy with
    only seeing him twice a week and we just
    ended up fighting and I was always upset
    he was never around. I made a rash decision
    to break up with him, regretting it a couple days
    Later and every day since then and to this day.
    He began dating another girl only about two
    Weeks after the breakup (I was crushed and he
    Later admitted that he did this intentionally
    to make me jealous. We didn’t talk for about two
    months or so and then one random night I ran
    Into him at the bar and we ended up going home
    together despite the fact he was still dating the
    rebound girl. Someone saw us leave the bar together
    and notified her. She dumped him, and him and I soon
    began to pick up where we left off and it was
    All sunshine and rainbows..for about two months.
    Things were going so well, we were more in love
    than ever, until a small argument one day turned
    into a big falling out and eventually drove him to
    the arms of another girl. He dated this girl for about a year
    (They just recently broke up about two months
    ago or so ) during this time, I was devastated
    And I did some stupid things such as: hook up
    With one of his friends, and date his best friend.
    That drove him crazy with jealousy, he was calling
    and texting me a lot, after things fizzled out
    with his best friend and I, and things ended with
    his gf, we began talking regularly on text and
    Occasionally the phone. These were mostly
    not casual “how’s it going ” conversations, they
    were always flirtatious, and sentimental. We would
    sometimes talk on the phone for hours
    Reliving the past and all of our great memories.
    He has told me many times that he “will always love
    me ” and that I will always be in his heart and
    He will never be over me. I feel the same way,
    I have loved him since the moment I met him
    and have never stopped. Whenever we are together
    It just feels right. I just know that he is the one
    that I’m meant to be with.
    We were trying to make plans to meet up over
    Text for about a month now. We haven’t seen each
    other since this past December… We both
    have very busy schedules so every time we
    Try and make a plan to meet up something comes
    up with one of us. Anyways this is where I think I
    May have really screwed up…..
    Last night I went out to the bar with my girlfriends.
    Low and behold – who do I run into ? Him.
    Strange because I know he goes out often as do
    I but we have yet to cross paths there past few
    months. Anyways, I’m standing at the bar ordering
    a vodka cran and someone slides up beside me and
    Says “so do you come here often?”
    He then proceeded to compliment me, I have
    made a lot of changes this past year, I joined the
    gym, work out four days a week, changed my hair,
    went back to school and have a great career now.
    I wasn’t stand offish but I didn’t act overly
    excited to see him. This drove him nuts and he
    spent the whole night making sure I saw him talking
    And dancing with girls… Near the end of the night
    he came up to me as my friends on the dance floor
    and started dancing with us and we began talking
    My friends were wanting to get going, so I said to
    him and he seemed sad that it was time for us to
    part ways. He suggested I stick around and hang
    out with him and said that his friend could give
    me a ride home after the bar as I lived near by.
    We had a great time, things were rekindled,
    completely. When it was time to go, we got
    into his friends truck along with his two friends and
    one or their gfs. He told me how good it was to see
    me and how he didn’t want to call it a night just yet
    (And neither did I ) so he asked if I wanted
    to come hang out at his friends place and I thought
    Sure why not. Of course we ended up hooking up
    (3 times ) and spent the night together. This
    morning wasn’t awkward at all, we just laid there
    cuddling like old times and be kept saying
    how he was so glad that this happened and
    how impressed he was with how I’m in such
    great shape etc etc. I had to leave very early and
    he didn’t t have his vehicle there so
    he called me a cab and paid for it and walked me
    out when it came. gave me the tightest hug ever and
    a long kiss goodbye. We didn’t really discuss
    anything last night in terms of us possibly
    getting back together as I didn’t really want to
    press the issue and also we were drunk.
    I don’t know where to go from here, I know
    It was probably not a great idea to hop back
    into bed with the guy the first time running into
    each other again… I don’t know what to think or
    how to feel or what to do ? Do I contact him ?
    Do I wait for him to contact me ? Did I screw things
    up by hooking up with him ? I need some
    Good advice on where to go from here ….

    • admin
      April 21, 2014 | 4:18 pm

      Wait for him to contact you at this point.

  14. Heather
    April 19, 2014 | 5:49 am

    Hey chris.. my boyfriend broke up with me last week. Im nearly 16 and Im taking it pretty hard. Normally I think I wouldn’t try to get him back, but he is very.. confusing. The reason he gave me, and everyone else, is he didnt want to hurt me anymore. You see, we dated for 10 months, but because hes a doofus we always have had problems with seeing eachother often enough. He knew it frustrated me but (despite what many other people said) I never left him, because he was worth it. According to him, he isnt. I tried to tell him how wrong he was.. he stayed firm. (We are both stubborn). I found your website and started the NC right after the break up, however I broke after 7 days, because well, I needed closure. My main question is, we go to the same school, and have the same friends. Should I avoid him at school and not sit at lunch? But I dont want him to know how depressed I am.. what should I do about this? I get an overwhelming feeling of longing whenever I see him.. Im thinking as far as game plans go, Ill finish the NC, then spend some of may getting friendly with him, and in June I hope to win him over.. assuming I will still want to. His inability to see how happy he made me frustrates me to no end. Wish me luck!

    • admin
      April 20, 2014 | 3:30 am

      Good luck!

      Was he your first boyfriend?

    • Karla
      April 20, 2014 | 4:15 pm

      We sound like a very similar situation! I’ve been looking up guides as well because like you, I’ve been in mourning. Good luck to you, and good luck to me too. :)

  15. Tams
    April 19, 2014 | 2:31 am

    Hey! Thanks for all of this! I wanted to ask: all of these tips, and especially the 30 days no-contact role – do they apply also for short term relationship of 3 months? It was a very intensive relationship, but he didn’t fall in love with me :-( He was into me in the first month/two months and than got cold. Another thing: He is also going through a very sever crisis at work these days, and is extremely stressed. He said he felt like the relationship just added more stress into his life and that he couldn’t handle it. And, as I mentioned, he said that he likes me, but not more than that. (I will just add that he had problems with falling in love, according to what he told me; with his last girlfriend it took him a very long time, according to what he said). Would really appreciate you advice! I think I love him, and I feel that we didn’t really examined the relationship thoroughly enough :-( Should I keep the one month no-contact role? Or should I email to ask how are things going with the work crisis? Do you think there is any chance we’ll get back together? Thank you so much!

    • admin
      April 20, 2014 | 3:29 am

      They absolutely apply.

  16. Ana
    April 18, 2014 | 3:59 pm

    There is my story. I broke up with my boyfriend,2months 1/2 ago.we were together 1year and 1/2 (in distance) but we were ok,we had plans for the future,marriage,children ect. The reason why we broke was me,i was too pushy,stubborn,cranky and he said that he couldnt take it anymore.appart that was the distance because he lives in another state(rome,italy).he said that he need a woman not a teenager to live the life together,and i wasnt good enough for him with this attitude.i wasnt tolerant ect. Also he said that he didnt feel nothing for me anymore.he said also that he was contradictor thats why we cant stay together. 1month After our break up i sent him a message just to know how he was and he replied but was too formal and cold,then (i think i made a mistake) after 10days that i sent the message,i called him and he didnt pick up and then after 1month i sent him a long message saying that i was really sorry for what happened,i was sorry that he didnt give me the last chance and i missed him and that i want him to be ok( i sent this message at 3am) i know i made a mistake but pleaseeeeeee help what can i do??? The no contact rule is not working i think. I want to say also that i talk oftenly with his mother and his relatives because we are very close to each other.
    What should i doo???
    Thank you

    • admin
      April 20, 2014 | 2:12 am

      Did you try using any of the messages outlined on this page?

      • Ana
        April 20, 2014 | 9:00 am

        Well i wrote before,the last time that i wrote to him was a long message just to let him know that i was sorry that things came to this point and he didnt wasnt too desperate but yeah maybe it was a mistake that i broke the no contact rule.
        Remember that we are far from each other.he lives in rome,italy and me in another state near italy. What the birthday wishes? Very soon he has his birthday(39) if he dont want to talk with me i cant send him a birthday message. I dont knooooow why this happened.i did everything i could.i had a bad behavior i know,but i took the plane and went there on february but he was too cold:((( but i was surprised that still we went for lunch and dinner to his parents though he was convinced that im not good for him. Please chris help me? He is very difficult. I mean even when we had fights with each other when we were together if he was angry he didnt reply to my messages. I think its a problem even the age difference maybe 13 years older than me.
        What do you think?
        I really will appreciate your advices because its been almost 3months that i dont talk with him:((((
        Happy easter to you and everyone here!

        • Ana
          April 21, 2014 | 9:24 pm

          Hello Chris?
          Please when is possible what should i do
          I replied to your question and i looking forward to read your advice

  17. ana
    April 18, 2014 | 1:01 pm

    Hello Chris,
    My ex boyfriend and i broke up after a 1 year and half relationship(in distance)its been 2 months 1/2 that i dont hear nothing from him.after a month of our break up i sent him a message just to say hi and he replied but too cold,then after 10 days i called him and he didnt pick up and then in 5th of april i sent him a long message saying that i was sorry that we broke up ect ect. and he didnt reply.I must say that our relationship was strong,full of plans for the future,he presented me with his family and friends everywhere that i was his fiancee. the reason that he left was because i was to pushy and stubborn and cranky and he could not pass his life at this way,than he says that he was contradictory and thats why we cannot stay together.He is 39 years old and im 26 and i really dont know what to do anymore.I keep talking with his mother because we are very closed to each other. i see that the no contact rule even the contrary doesnt work.
    Pleaseeeeee help!!!!

  18. Kimberly
    April 18, 2014 | 5:06 am

    Well still haven’t heard a peep from my ex..but i have a week and a half before i.can break the no contact…however his mom and I have been texting back and forth a lot..i never ask about him..but she checks on me..I sent her a Easter Card wrote a heartfelt message inside..along witg her favorite coffee..I was actually crying as I was writing im hoping it will touch her heart as well…not sure if it will help my ex and I out..I don’t think she knows im not talking to her son..but who knows :) do you u think it will make things better..since she has a lot of pull with him?

  19. Nicole
    April 18, 2014 | 1:27 am

    Okay so here’s my situation… I’ve was dating my boyfriend for almost 6 years. We were on and off a couple times, but for the most part we were completely fine. I did cheat on him in the past, a little over a year ago, but we moved past it and were stronger than ever. This last week, we argued a few days and then said we “needed to talk”, I went in with the intentions of fixing things and working on our problems but he went in with the attitude he wanted to break up for sure. He told me he needed his space and he felt like I was always nagging him and we were just going through the motions. SO I kind of went crazy, because I’m so incredibly used to having him here to talk to all the time, for such a long time! I blew up his phone, wouldn’t leave him alone, and as the result of all of that he blocked me off everything and just ignores me completely. He told me that me going crazy and not giving him his space is ensuring his decision of breaking up with him and he feels great about his decision.

    It just doesn’t make sense.. there was no reason for him to even break up with me. I feel like there has to be someone or something. Then, literally the day after we broke up, I was stalking his social networks, and he was snap chatting a girl from his work a lot a lot and this is a girl whom we have had issues with before. I can’t help but think this is the reason why he broke up with me. BTW.. this girl is really pretty.

    I just don’t know what to do, I feel like i have to talk to him and I’m going crazy not talking to him. I feel like if i leave him alone for 30 days he’s going to move on and I’m so scared of this thought :(

    • admin
      April 18, 2014 | 3:30 pm

      Are you sure he had completely forgiven you for the cheating?

      That can be tough for a lot of men.

  20. I P
    April 16, 2014 | 1:29 am

    Hey, Chris!
    So, I’m really new to all of this, and I’m going through my first break-up (I like to call it an “amicable separation”).
    Here’s the deal:
    My ex and I met over a year ago in high school physics class. We started out as just best friends because I am typically not a relationship type of person. Not because I can’t commit, I am just generally not interested. But, somehow, the summer after my graduation (he was a junior, I was a senior, because I graduated two years early), we became something more. For the next 10 months, things were great. We bonded, laughed, and found a way to break down the walls we had spent our entire lives building around ourselves so we could let each other in. I was his fifth girlfriend, but the first to ever meet or spend the holidays with his family. We never, ever fought about a thing. We just never found anything to fight about. Our relationship was great, our relationships with our families and mutual friends was great, everything seemed to be going well. But, there was one problem: we never spent time together. We could go months without seeing each other. It was practically a long-distance relationship even though he only lived 15 minutes away. What could I do? I am in college studying pre-medicine. He and I both knew I just never had the time. Yet, he always respected my goals and knew that school comes first, always. Even with the separation, everything was great. We treasured time with each other more. But, a couple of months ago, I lost my phone and my Wi-Fi constantly cut out. So, no communication, either. I still tried the best I could. During this time, I also decided to apply for transfer to a bigger, better school hundreds of miles away. But, I never told him. How could I? We hardly spoke. Three weeks ago, he called it quits. The separation was just too much, and he knew that with my transfer (he found out from a mutual friend) it wouldn’t ever get any better. So, it was over. Still, we were best friends before the relationship, and we were determined to be best friends afterward. We still hang out, talk, and even use the same old pet names. Like nothing ever happened at all. But, I can still sense this underlying awkwardness between us. Awkwardness was exactly what we tried to avoid. Even worse: I decided to reject the other university’s offer of a transfer. He seemed genuinely happy for me, because we always said that I have to do what’s best for me. But, recently, he just stopped talking. To make matters worse: He’s attending my current university next year (he applied while we were still together so we could study together). I don’t badger him or constantly text him. I always wait for him to respond, no matter how long it takes. But, I didn’t follow the “no-contact” rule either. I wish I could follow the rule, but it’s Spring and everyone we know is starting a new relationship. What if he decides to do the same thing? How do I get him back? Have I blown my chance? Should I continue being a casual friend and see if he comes to me? If I try to go ice cold on him, what if he loses interest? It is frustrating because I used to be able to tell everything he was thinking, now I’m left in the dark. And, I can’t ask my friends because they’re his friends, too. And, he’s very private. But, it feels like he never even cared, no matter how much he used to tell me that he did. What can I do?

    • admin
      April 16, 2014 | 4:19 pm

      Amicable seperation… I like your style hahaha.

      Do you think the age has something to do with it? Like he is still in HS right?

  21. Alex
    April 14, 2014 | 1:29 am

    Hey Chris, Me and my ex boyfriend just went in our separate ways last week. He said that he doesn’t love me anymore, he’s not in our relationship anymore, his mother doesn’t like him to have a girlfriend for a while AND HE IS INLOVE WITH MY COUSIN. But he keeps telling me he still loves me and he will be back with me somehow he doesn’t know when. He keeps sending me messages that he is currently texting with other girls while I start my no contact policy yesterday. What shall I do to get him back? Take note: He is my classmate. Please help me. Thank you.

    • admin
      April 14, 2014 | 5:33 pm

      I think he is not a good cantidate… Are you sure you want this guy back?

      • Alex
        April 15, 2014 | 5:58 am

        I really want him back. He keeps sending me messages thats why I text him back. Now, he tells me that this Franceska went sweet to their first conversation and she’s just a friend that I’m the one he loves. He told me he will be back to me when we both finish college. He is planning to take Marine during his college days.

  22. Shannie
    April 12, 2014 | 11:07 pm

    Things have been actually going well, but I’d love some advice. I’ve been following the system, did about 3 and 1/2 weeks of no contact then circumstance brought my guy and I back together. Frist, our house was broken into. He came to help and stayed over, but reaffirmed his decision to stay apart. There were some mixed signals, but alcohol was involved so I tried really hard to read too much in to it. I know he loves me, but he’s stubborn. After the break in when had some long, personal conversations (not about out relationship) about things going on with our lives. Then our dog got sick and we’ve since had even more conversations that have been great. Now I’ve been sending clever texts, he has been super responsive, but is not at all initiating. When I call, he always says “I was just getting ready to call.” Yet, he hasn’t nor has he texted. My thought was to pull back some and see if he notices. What do you think? Should I stay the course and keep texting or go quiet for awhile. Thoughts?

    • admin
      April 13, 2014 | 4:49 pm

      go quiet for a while.. but just a little bit.

  23. Regan
    April 12, 2014 | 8:48 pm

    Okay I am super salty about my situation right now, I’ll give you the run down. And by the way yes I’m doge girl from the 2.0 guide so I’ve posted before. I’ll give you the full story this time.

    THE BREAKUP: Basically where he’s at in his life right now he can’t be in a relationship is what he said. He has feelings for me but can’t act on them. While breaking up he said he was doing this so we could possibly get back together in the future and he hoped things would still work out for us. We had a trip planned together for next year and he said that might still happen.

    So then I gave him space, possibly not enough but I did no contact for 2 weeks and then did the you’ll never believe what just happened text. Neutral leaning positive response. Cool. Then he texted me first a week later, positive conversation, I didn’t respond to the last text he sent. A few days later I pulled the doge stunt I told you about where I sent him the picture and he was like lol that’s funny it’s interesting bc (stuff about when he was a kid), I replied and then I sent him another one and he was like lol that’s pretty good. So obviously that wasn’t so great.

    That was a few days ago and you said to wait a few days to try something else, so today I did this whole “guess where I am” thing. He was pretty neutral, then he turned slightly more positive, and I said I had to go for a while. I came back 2 hours later to the conversation and I was like I know so much about this place bc you showed it to me, I feel like an expert lol and he was like “as you should” and I said something about that being a really fun night and he didn’t answer

    WHY WHY WHY come on I’m doing everything right this is the worst. What am I supposed to do, I used this guide to get a different guy back last semester 3 times I’m better than this.

    What do I do, what’s happening, please help me this is so frustrating.

    • admin
      April 13, 2014 | 4:40 pm

      Super salty?

      hahaha haven’t heard that one before.

      Do you honestly buy his reason for a breakup?

      • Regan
        April 13, 2014 | 6:31 pm

        Lol it’s my new favorite catch phrase.

        But honestly yeah I do believe him, his roommate said he hasn’t been on any dates or talked to any other girls and I know he was having serious issues with school, family and money. We were together for a while and we never even fought, and if he truly wanted it to be over forever I don’t think he’d put so much emphasis on getting back together.

        For real though, what should I do? I mean his responses are always neutral leaning positive, never bad I just want to speed things up a bit bc I’m not a patient person. I’m gonna do another 1.5 week freeze out and then text him again, let him miss me a bit. But I mean should I first contact it up or do a good ole days type thing or..?

  24. olivia14
    April 12, 2014 | 4:59 am

    Dear Chris, what could be the reason a guy would call his ex gf everyday atleast once or twice to check on her when he has a new gf and in love with her?

    • admin
      April 12, 2014 | 4:28 pm

      He still cares about waht the ex thinks and the ex can possibly be there for him in a way that the new girl cannot.

      • olivia14
        April 14, 2014 | 7:39 pm

        Is it possible for the girl to get his ex back in this situation?

        • admin
          April 15, 2014 | 4:12 pm

          Of course.

  25. Alyssa
    April 12, 2014 | 3:27 am

    My ex boyfriend and I dated for almost a year. We fell in love really fast while he lived 3000 miles away from me (we were friends before he moved, and he came back to visit for a festival last summer and we hung out the whole time he was here, then kept in contact and started dating). He came to visit me a couple of times while he lived there and both times were perfect. He ended up moving back for me, and now we are broken up. He broke up with me because I was dishonest with him about stupid things that I should have told him the truth about, really stupid little things that I don’t know why I lied about. I don’t think I was completely ready for our relationship. I am 21 and he is 26. He’s had two serious relationships before me, and my only serious one was in high school. He says that he doesn’t want to talk to me and that he hates me. And he may be hanging out with another girl now, I am not sure. But he told me that he is leaving in a couple of weeks. So I don’t really have time for the no contact rule. Do you think that I can save this? We talked about getting married and having kids together… I don’t want to give up but I don’t know if even this will work for me.

  26. Denise
    April 12, 2014 | 12:37 am

    My ex-boyfriend and I dated for 6 months. We ran into problems when I asked him for more time together. Because he has ADD, the entire issue was overwhelming for him, and as is common with people with ADD, over the course of two weeks, he became distant and then ran away dumping me via e-mail. I instituted “no contact” for two months until I sent him a “Happy Birthday” text to which he replied “Thank You”. My gay guy and married guy friends told me that it was clearly over. So, I did not continue with the other steps. It has now been 4.5 months since the break up and my ex has not contacted me. I sent him a “first contact text” two days ago and he did not respond. How long do I wait before texting him again? If he continues not to respond, how many texts should I send before I stop?

Leave a Reply

Wanting to leave an <em>phasis on your comment?

five − = 3

Trackback URL