How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

 Ex-Boyfriend-Recovery-PRO

This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t. We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him get back with you I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have.

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

Here Is The Truth

It is impossible to guarantee that you can get a previous boyfriend back 100% of the time. However, it is possible to significantly raise your chances. The keyword there being SIGNIFICANTLY and before you get all argumentative I have seen the tactics outlined on this page work time and time again. It isn’t necessarily a fast process but there is proof out there to back up the claims being made.

But First..

Getting your ex back is going to be tough. This page, while amazingly detailed, won’t have every single step that you will need to successfully get him back. It is such a complicated process that even the 10,000 words on this page can’t cover everything you need to know. I have been running this site for quite some time and get an incredible amount of emails and comments every single day. Each person wants me to give them a detailed step by step plan that they can follow to get their ex back. The fact of the matter is that it is such a complex process that I really can’t give you everything you need in a post, email, comment or Facebook chat.

Don’t worry though, I saw this problem and spent two months creating that step by step plan people were clamoring for. It took me 20,000 words but I finally did it! I highly recommend you check it out if you get a chance. Click the link below!

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

What This Page Is About

relationship infographic

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

Here are some of the things that will be covered:

  • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  • Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back
  • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex
  • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
  • What To Do & What Not To Do
  • What To Do If He Cheated On You
  • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
  • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
  • How To Define Your Dating Goals

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

The No Contact Rule

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we do any soul searching or serious strategizing you are going to have to implement the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it. Remember above when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is done for two reasons.

First

Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.

Second

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.

IMPORTANT:

He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Special Cases Where You Have To Contact During No Contact

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

What Caused The Breakup?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On Men

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

He Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks. I feel for you but don’t worry we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex gave you for the break up is really why they broke up with you. This may sound a bit mean but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.

Cheating:

(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

You Broke Up With Him?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

You don’t feel attracted to him anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

There was a big fight and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goal

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

  • Saying you will die without him.
  • That he’s your whole life.
  • You’ll never find someone better.
  • Your not happy alone.
  • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Re-Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

  • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking or writing your ex boyfriend.
  • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
  • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
  • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
  • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

  • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
  • Staying home and not going out.
  • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
  • Making big life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend ;) .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Physical Changes You Can Make:

You can change your hairstyle- I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

Get in shape- There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

Clean up your diet- Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

Mental Changes You Can Make:

Focus on work- It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

Renew a hobby- I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

Have fun- If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)

jealous-girl

This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

Your Means Of Contact

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

The Phone

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkerish and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.

Texting

Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

The Game Plan

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Lets take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.

First Contact Text Message 

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big No-No’s

  • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

  • You have to be positive
  • You have to be confident
  • Again, don’t expect anything.
  • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
  • The messages can’t be too long.
  • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts

One Word Texts-

“hey…”

“Hello”

“What’s Up”

“Hi”

You get the gist here I hope.

GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts

For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:

“Thxs”
“Great”
“Interesting”

Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

Remembering The Good Times

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

Big No-No’s

  • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”

or

Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

How To Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. That is a certainty. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

The Rules

  • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
  • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
  • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

The Heart To Heart Conversations

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

Important Things To Remember

  • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

Taking THE Risk

taking-risk

Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

Guidelines For The Call

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
NEVER CALL MORE THAN ONCE A DAY.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

Two Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Beg,
Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

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4,880 Responses to How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  1. ashhh
    November 17, 2014 | 8:42 pm

    Hey Chris, so I made it through 30 days of no contact. After 30 days I sent out my initial text in which my ex responded very positive. We texted for a bit and then I ended the convo. I then waited 3 days to send my meme text. Finally when it came time to send it, I sent it but he hasn’t responded to it! It was pretty funny too.. What have I done wrong? I don’t get it!! Should I go back into NC? I don’t know what to do next now :( It was going so well.

  2. HopelessLover
    November 6, 2014 | 5:55 am

    Could you maybe help me with a layout plan since it been a long process and nothing seems to work and I am not in mood of giving up. I have waited and follow your directions and nothing good has resulted I would really like to make him want me back even if in the end I do not get him back I just want get the confidence back

  3. Steph
    November 3, 2014 | 8:38 pm

    Hi Chris –

    I need your opinion on whether or not you think this will work for me. I have been with my bf for a little over a year. He is a terrible communicator and gets upset each time I try to discuss our relationship – it always turns in to a huge fight, but there are so many things left unsaid and unresolved that I always feel the need to bring it up over and over (I know, big no-no, but what else can I do if I have underlying issues?). He has broken up with me 4 different times – each time I gave it a week or so of no contact and then ended up going to his place to talk. He never seems to mine and things always end up normal after each visit. Things would go well for a few months and then he would get angry about something or another and break up with me again. It was always over the dumbest things. He always told me that he cared a lot about me and wanted to be with me, but that it seems like when we talk nothing he says is ever good enough or he always feels like I need to hear more. I told him that’s not the case, that I love when he tells me that he cares about me and wants to be with me, but that his actions don’t match his words. This most recent break up – I went over to his house after a party I was at – he said to come over. I get there and he is sleeping on his chair. I tried to wake him up and he had an absolute meltdown. He was sooo angry for no reason. I asked him why he was being like that and he said “because I do not want to be in this relationship anymore” he said that he has felt like that for a while – but I think that’s bs because he is not the type to just be in a relationship for no reason – he’s as honest as they come. He was saying hurtful things like he didn’t care about me. The last time he broke up with me I told him that if he does it again I am done. So I have to stick to my word. I am all for the 30 day NC, but just want to be sure I have a shot at getting him back. As a side note – he invited me over 3x that week and we had a blast each time. The break ups always seem to come out of nowhere or during the most ridiculous arguments. We’ve had a few wrenches thrown into our relationship throughout the last year (he found out his mom has cancer and that he has another kid by some random girl from a long time ago) so I know he is stressed, but as a 32 year old man, I just feel like he should be more respectful of me. He said that he doesn’t want to be in any relationship ever and that he just wants to be alone. He always tells me he always resorts to breaking up with me because I leave him no choice when I am trying to talk to him and won’t stop asking the same questions. Keep in mind I NEVER yell – only talk. He can’t stand it.

    • admin
      November 20, 2014 | 2:49 pm

      Hmm… Have you tried communicating to him in a calm and nonthreatening manner? Just sitting down, taking his hand and speaking very softly.

      I know you don’t yell but the two of you always end up fighting so something needs to chang ehere.

  4. Sarah
    November 3, 2014 | 6:31 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My boyfriend and I were only together for two weeks before he broke it off. I think it was a rash decision and don’t fully understand what happened. Over the past few months, we talked on and off with one another. Then we decided to give it a shot. We met eachothers parents, texted daily, and walked eachother to and from class (we are only in highschool). He was very busy those two weeks and had very little time to do anything together since he was preparing to compete in a State Championship. So I didn’t ask him if he wanted to hang out or do anything. (Our only date was meeting eachothers parents). Right before he left for State, I gave him a small gift, which I’m pretty sure he didn’t like. Up until then we seemed to be doing great as a couple. Then the day of State, he didn’t do as well as he wanted. He said he needed time to think and I didn’t hear from him for 3 days. Then the next time I saw him he broke up saying he wasn’t feeling like we had a good relationship connection but he still wanted to be friends. I did not act upset at all when we broke up and kind of felt it coming, but truly I was upset.

    Should I give up on the situation or try to get him back? I thought we had a connection but maybe not.
    Also, for the No Contact, I see him at least two-times a week because we were involved in afterschool activities together. Last week when I saw him, I just said hi and talked casually with him, but don’t know if this correct. How should I handle the No Contact if I continually run into him?
    Thanks

    • admin
      November 20, 2014 | 2:46 pm

      He seems very young.. and immature. Did he seem serious when the two of you first dated?

  5. Lisaaa
    November 2, 2014 | 3:57 am

    Hiiii…Me and my ex boyfriend broke up two months ago. We broke up because he wasn’t trying and we barely hung out. I did the 30 day no contact and then texted him to see how he was doing, after a few weeks I texted him again. Two days after he texted me very flirty and very happy. Two days after that we talked about things and he says he wants to stay friends. What should I do?
    Lisa

  6. Kelly
    October 31, 2014 | 2:19 am

    I am dating a separated man for 5 months. We keep breaking up everytime we have a small fight. We break up and then he texts me that he misses me. The last fight was a little different. He told me we keep trying and it doesn’t work. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship. He wants to be alone. I text him that I miss him after a week and he says he misses me but we need to move on. I talked to him on the phone and asked if I can come over and he tells me bring wine. I get there and I address what happened and he says he doesn’t want drama. It was a discussion. I asked him to cuddle with me and of course things happened. Then after, he said we shouldn’t have done that. He said its awkward and basically asked him if he wants me to leave amd I did. I texted him I missed andhe said we will talk soon. I haven’t texted or called since and do not plan to. Do u think he will call or is it over for good?

    • admin
      November 3, 2014 | 4:05 pm

      He is seperated from his wife but not fully divorced?

  7. Hayley
    October 30, 2014 | 7:44 pm

    My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. We had such a strong love, but in the last months it was awful. We fought a lot, and screamed at each other.
    To hold him back the last month I told a big lie. I had the posibility of having cancer, but I was waiting for the results, so I told him I had 70% possibilities of having cancer. So it was like I confirmed it. I was so sorry, but didn’t told him. Because I needed help and get my mind right before telling him.
    We broke up, we reached a limit.
    We saw each other,and talked for a bit and it was nice.
    But, at an event I saw him, I wanted to say sorry for all the fights,but he trated me so bad because he said “I don’t believe you have cancer”, we were oth drunk so I don’t even remember what I said to him, but things turned out really bad. He said how much he hated me, and was so hurt.
    I saved him from drugs, and because of me he wanted to study and follow his dreams, and now it’s all so sad.
    I’ve got help, I told my psychologist my problem and decided to start resolving that right away, it doesn’t matter how much time it takes.
    I sent him a long text via Facebook apologizing, and saying he was a dick for the way he treated me, and stuff. I wished him well, and blocked him after.
    I want to get better now. I hope he understands that the possibility of having cancer was big, but I confirmed it when it was not.
    I know he hates me now, but I hope times heals this a little bit.
    Maybe in a year could I ask him how he is doing?
    I’m so sorry, but I needed this to get help for real.

    • admin
      November 3, 2014 | 3:26 pm

      Definitely give him some time before you reach out. A time in NC.

  8. Kosy
    October 30, 2014 | 1:51 pm

    In need of help.Hi..so m been posting here about my relationship.a week ago my ex told me he slept with his ex but then he said he had no feelings.after he said we should take things slow nd not rush it.jux two days ago I got a txt from him saying he had gone back to his ex that something happened nd I don’t get it.he doesn’t want to tell me anything.all he said was something happened.i know I messed up in the begging by cheating 4minths ago but he forgave me nd we started working on I still really do love him but I don’t know what to do now.he used to say distance can’t make him date me cuz we in a distant relationship but m thinking that’s not the case now.i tried ur idea of making him trust me nd giving him time but this is what he is doing.replacing me.i need to know what to do because m inlove with him nd I feel he is my soulmate.havent been myself sinc

  9. Sonja Flack
    October 29, 2014 | 11:27 pm

    Hey , I was curious if this would work for me. My boyfriend broke up with me after we were together for a little over 8 years. He said he was unhappily with a lot of things going on in his life ( work, me, friends, family, himself) . I admitt the broke up was bad and I made a lot of bad mistake, once he said ” this isn’t working , I want to break up” . He seemed at first that he was sure that’s it over ( when only a few weeks before that we were talking about marriage and kids and our future) . Week later we texted and he got upset because I was talking about rekindling with time and space ( he saying things like it would not work, that a pipe dream ext.) But we live together and he came over the next day to talk about our apartment and pets , but he didn’t talk much about that we talk about everything day things and he even said ” maybe we could rekindle our relationship , maybe not I’m unsure” that gave me so much hope. I texted him about 3 days later to see if he want to come over and he said no , it seemed some thing was wrong so I made the mistake of pushing to express what was wrong ( mutual friends had posted a pictures of all of us from three year ago and everyone was commenting on having a reunion with everyone and this made him sad and upest , because he wanted the reunion but was unsure about us abd didn’t know if the reunion will ever happen) he got upset and told me that we both need to come to grips with the fact me may never be a couple again and as he got more upset he said things like I have no interest in being you boyfriend and I don’t love you. I tried to call and he refused to answer his phone. Week and a half after I texted, to see how he was and started to get things done with moving out if our apartment , conversation well at first he said he would think of coming over and maybe going out and doing something. Then we start taking about the relationship stuff again he got upset and this time mean , saying it friends or nothing , and it not ment to be and to f-off and alot a personal blow about me personality and work situation. He said he would still come over but it was only going to be business meeting ( about the apartment and all our crap and what we are doing about it and we real have no reason to talk after all this stuff is done, and he block my number so I could not call his phone)
    Well he came over the next day and we talked about the apartment and pets for about 30 mins , he then told me he cried at work when talking to a co-worker about her divorce , he said he don’t mean to be mean he just gets so pissed. I told him that to me it seems that the only thing from the many things that he told me was making him unhappy , I was the only thing he was giving up on. (he put his head in his hands and looked sad ) he said he thinks we both need time ( I didn’t ask but I was wondering time for what to get over each other ? Or time to grow individually before us could be again ? Time to be friends or more?)then he agreed to go out , we had a few drinks , talked (sports, family , friends, work) we had a great time smiling laughing. Before he left I apologized for pushing relationships conversation it’s just I miss him a lot. He gave me like 3 long tight hugs. I’ve seen him a few times after that as we continue to work out apartment/ all our stuff details. Well each time we meet in person it seem wonderful, we talk about past times together, work, friends and smile a lot. And no matter what he always wants a hug before he leaves or i leave.
    I guess my question is should I do the NC rule ? Can I even do the above advice or is it too late? It hard when he going to have to be around a lot to pack up our life we built over 8 years. Can I ever get out of just being a friend in the furture ? Maybe with the “time” he is talking about. It feels so good to hangout with him , but should I be doing that if I don’t want to be stuck in the friend zone ? ADVICE?? for my situation?

    • admin
      October 30, 2014 | 6:32 pm

      I definitely think this strategy can work for you!

      • Sonja Flack
        October 30, 2014 | 8:42 pm

        Should i tell him i can’t be friends with him? I been thinking i should…… how should i do that? it’s really hard after i seen him :-(. How will i do the NC when he going to need to see me a lot over the next month.

        • admin
          November 3, 2014 | 3:35 pm

          I wouldn’t tell him you couldn’t be friends. I would just do it without a conversation. I guess you are going to have to do limited contact.

  10. L
    October 29, 2014 | 3:34 am

    Is it okay to start off with a “showing your support” text if you know something important for them is coming up?

    • admin
      October 29, 2014 | 3:53 pm

      I would say its not perfect to start out with it but its ok to do if you feel its right in your circumstance.

  11. elizabeth
    October 27, 2014 | 8:02 pm

    Would you be able to post a timeline laying out a very specific? Text this then and then this and then this. I am struggling with when to do what in addition to the what :)

    • admin
      October 28, 2014 | 4:28 pm

      I might actually work on one for you!

      • Elizabeth
        October 28, 2014 | 7:33 pm

        Thank you. I think that would very helpful :)

  12. Betty
    October 27, 2014 | 3:59 pm

    Hello,

    My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. A month up until the break up, we were arguing a lot. The issue was that he was really busy with work, and other responsibilities, to the point where he couldn’t see me. Instead of being the understanding girlfriend, I got mad, took it personally, and argued with him about it, accusing him of not caring about me or this relationship, not wanting to give the time. I got insecure. I felt like he wasn’t acting as affectionate as he had before, he was disconnected, and the more I would feel that way, the more he would disconnect. We were together 8 months. He ended up breaking up with me saying that he didn’t need the stress, he didn’t have the time, he didn’t need me getting pissed at him all the time, I was a negative influence on his life vs. a positive one. I was broken and devestated, I just lost my best friend because I couldn’t be patient and respect his time. I realize now that I am taking time for myself the mistakes I made in the relationship, and kind of where things went wrong in general. I tried to beg him to get back, and he said to just drop it, this was his decision. I realize how silly I was being the entire month of accusing him, and I wish that there was a way to convince him what I realize. I just want him back in my life. I tried to contact him yesterday, and he answered, although he was short in it. I have no idea how he feels about the breakup, I miss him terribly and I’m overall just frustrated. I’ve been trying to go out and do stuff for myself, see my familym,ore, school, friends, and even working out. He said at the end of the relationship that we could talk just give it time. Just need some imput.

    • admin
      October 28, 2014 | 4:21 pm

      I would say just jump right into the no contact rule!

      • BETTY
        October 28, 2014 | 5:11 pm

        Yeah, I agree. I broke the no contact rule and asked how he was doing. He did answer, but he was very short. My friends said that all he needs is time. He is still very stressed out with things. He just seems very cold. I just feel incredible guilty, and I can’t get over feeling like the bad guy

  13. Constanza
    October 26, 2014 | 4:38 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up after 2 years, the last months we were fighting a lot. So I tried to hold him back for a month and then all enden terribly.

    I saw him four days later,at a party,hegave me a hug and accepted to help me with a project.
    I saw him yesterday at a party after three weeks of no contact, we were both drunk, but he started screaming at me how much he hated me and some girl friends of him were saying “liar” to me ,because one of them was my friend too and I didnt tell them that I had the possibility of having cancer, then I got the results and I didn’t have it. But she told him that I was a liar and he didin’t want to hear me, he pushed me,threw me to the ground, and he walked away.

    I called him several times, and talked him,so he blocked me. I decided finally to go home, but today I wrote him something about our relationship and that i’m so sorry for that and why he hates me. I blocked him after that.

    I know it’s over, but I really, really love him, he always loved me the most, and I pushed him away several times and now I’m so so sad.

    • BETTY
      October 28, 2014 | 3:20 am

      Do you really want to be with somebody who physically hurts you ?

      • admin
        October 28, 2014 | 4:32 pm

        Agreed… I don’t think you should.

  14. Lynn
    October 26, 2014 | 3:36 am

    Hi Chris,
    After 7 weeks of NC, I FB messaged him to congratulate him on an accomplishment and told him I was really proud of him. He responded with ” thank you babe” and I left it at that. Later on that day he text me with the same thing. I waited a few hours and responded with ” you’re welcome”. I was surprised that he responded twice calling me babe. This all happened yesterday and I haven’t heard anything since my reply. I’m not sure where to go from here.

  15. Laila
    October 23, 2014 | 7:35 pm

    So I love this post, I sort of stumbled across it. I saw stumbled I obviously Googled “how to get my ex back” haha.

    So here’s my deal, I was with him for about 4 year on and off. We recently broke up well 2 months ago. A few weeks ago we started talking on the phone. At first he said he doesn’t want to rush into anything then he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore because he is so anti relationship at the moment. I’ve been speaking to him for the past few days and I’m trying to play it cool but I think I need to take a step back and start from the reminding him about the good times. I want to follow your guide because I think it will help but I don’t know where to begin because we are already talking and on top of that we’re kinda dirty talking lol. Should I take a step back to messaging him about the good times now and again? Not sure where to start or what to do but that seems like the best idea now. Help me! And thanks :)

  16. Rosa Nunez
    October 18, 2014 | 5:33 am

    My name is Rosa Nunez. I just want to share a brief tell about a friend of mine who’s boyfriend left her and she didn’t know why. She was in constant pain and had moments where she felt desperate. She tried researching articles to get some advice but nothing seemed to help. So she did something different. And her ex came back. What she did is found in this course “Together Again Forever” which I highly recommend. It’s worked for hundreds of women everywhere….

  17. Bee
    October 18, 2014 | 12:01 am

    Hi Chris!

    I need your opinion regarding this. My boyfriend and I were together for more than 2 years. I was really jealous with his friend. But he never gave me my reason to get jealous. I actually had trust issues because of my past. And it affected our relationship. We had our on and off regarding my trust issues. He always leytme get back with him whenever we fight about this. But this time, he went to his boiling point and broke up with me. He made this decision during his review for his board exam. All pressured and stuff, but now he passed his exam and all happy and enjoying the time of his life without me. We haven’t spoken for more than 3 weeks. Well, he just greeted me on my birthday, I gave him a good luck text during his exams, and just congratulated him. But whenever he text back saying thank you, I didn’t text back. I try not to because I don’t want to seem needy and desperate and make him think that I’m still the same girl. I want him back but I really don’t know what to do. I am torn from texting him and ask how he’s doing to keep the communication or just let go. Because it feels like I’m just the only one wanting this. :(

  18. Christy
    October 16, 2014 | 5:32 pm

    Hi Chris
    I want help from you. I’ve dated my boyfriend for three months. My friends introduced me with him and we soon started dating.. everything was fine, we hang out had fun,and so on…and one day we saw each other on skype had conversation and of course after every talk as usual he said ‘love you’… but that SAME day in the evening he told me this:”We have a problem”. and then he said that he actually doesn’t love me anymore, that he’s not in love in me anymore(he said he was first month or two), but he likes me and it would be fair that we stay friends.. He said it was very hard for him to do this’cause it will hurt me.. i was in shock and asked him how so suddenly. he said that he was really depressed that day and he realized that this week. in the end he said’m a wonderful girl who will find somebody who will love me and that this:’who knows, maybe in the next ten years we’ll be together again..'(TEN YEARS??)day or two before brakeup we even talk about seeing each other next weekend, ’cause the previous we couldn’t see each other because my dad didn’t let me out…We even text each other the day after the brakeup (studying your resercheas it maybe was a mistake) and he asked me was i alright,and then we texted the two days after and then i looked at your website and decided to do non contact rule.. honestly i have pissed of when i saw him with somw friend who is a girl but also fast cooled off..this is my 6th day of non contact.. what do you think what caused him to do such thing? Can i bring him back to me? Should i say to him ‘happy birthday’ on his birthday or not? I’ve also trying now to focus on the school and i have also improved my body and cnfidence that maybe he has feelings for me.. Please tell me what coul possibly he thinking and should i have my hopes up..

    • admin
      October 27, 2014 | 2:54 pm

      No happy birthday… You should read a few more of the no contact guides I put together.

  19. Marissa
    October 15, 2014 | 3:31 am

    Hi Chris,

    So I think I’ve understood this article… I’m ready.

    I was with my boyfriend for just over 2 years. We got together when I was 24 and he was 21. I am now 26 and he is 23. We are from the same town and we met during the summer holidays 2012.

    We decided to do long distance, he was in New York finishing his bachelors and I was in D.C. doing a one year masters program. We made the long distance work, though it was turbulent. In 2013 we had both graduated and we were at the brink of ending the relationship because I found out he had cheated on me.

    I moved back to our hometown after graduation (as planned). He decided to move back to our hometown also to prove to me that he loved me, sacraficing his pursuit of an MBA for a year or so. (Chris, I strongly asked him not to make that sacrafice but he was adamant). During the summer of 2013 I found that he had been inappropriately texting another woman DESPITE his reason for moving home being about showing me that he could change. I broke up with him for about a month.

    When we got back together a month later he had COMPLETELY changed. No more cheating and no more speaking inappropriately with women. He worked so hard at trying to regain my trust and was extremely loving. I had lingering trust issues and it took me a while to be happy again.

    2014 came and we had arguments every now and again that all related to my trust issues BUT it had improved a heck of a lot. Summer 2014 came and he started to get distant… there was hardly any love in his eyes and he seemed to just be on ‘auto pilot’. We were arguing a lot and on my side it was because I didn’t feel the love from him anymore. At this point, however, we were living together.

    Four weeks ago he finally came clean and told me that he isn’t happy and he doesn’t feel like himself anymore and that he needs a ‘break’ and ‘space’ for him to ‘breeze off’ and ‘find his peace’. He moved back in with his parents. I didn’t message him for about a week but when I did he finally said that he doesn’t want me anymore and that this has to be a breakup.

    So… I did everything that I wasn’t supposed to… I begged, I cried… I pleaded for a second chance. For a chance to show him that I can put in the work to make him happy… and to stop getting upset and angry all the time. In fact, Yesterday he agreed to give me a second chance but he told me his heart wasn’t in it… I see that because he isn’t really texting me and he has no emotion at all.

    After A LOT of tears I’ve realized that I can’t fight for a man who says he doesn’t want me… at least not by being up in his face and trying to get him to be in the relationship. Time for plan B a.k.a “NC”.

    30 days starts from midnight tonight.

    It’s going to be difficult as we work right across the street from each other and it’s an extremely small town but I’m going to try and be strong.

    Any advice for me moving forward on to Day 1?
    Do you think this method will work for me, given the above context?

    Thank you in advance.

    • Marissa
      October 15, 2014 | 3:55 am

      Should I TELL him that I just want some space? Or just go into full NC straight away?

      He did say he would give me a second chance and we have been texting back and forth (which isn’t working out at all because his mind and heart aren’t in it).

      So, tell him that I would like to cut contact or just go cold turkey?

      • admin
        October 27, 2014 | 2:37 pm

        Just go right into NC.

    • admin
      October 27, 2014 | 2:37 pm

      I also did an updated version of this article that you might find helpful, http://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back-version-2-0/

  20. HopelessLover
    October 15, 2014 | 2:09 am

    I am desperate. i did go germany this past year but well we were being crazy in love 2 weeks into my visit he received a report card with what in USA would consider decent with A,B,C his mother did not.(They have 12 classes in total). I told him to relax we would find a solution but the first worry that did come in mind was that I was going to be kicked out of being with him in germany and cut short my trip. Well his mother decided that she would allow me to go to berlin with my loves to his brothers appt and stay after this i came back to jena and left to paris with my love. This is where I had a horrrible time because my love told me we need to break up because he does not want me to be held back since at this time i knew his(or moms decision) to repeat year meaning no longer he needs 1 year but 2 years until he enter college and of had come into USA. So in paris we spent much time I devasted by his thought of decision to just leave me just because of school meaning I could help him out or support him in his hard time. I even told him he need stop worrying about me because in my future all I could see was him and I would make the deicsion to come study in germany so we would be close. The day we parted ways (him to germany and I for normandy) he had said forget me but a few hours later he skyped and called me and said he regreted everything he said because without me he had no life and i was his everything and even went crazy enough to send me a pic of him crying to show that he truly did miss me. So I spent a week in normandy when we no longer could stand it and he sent for me to go to back to germany which I did but after a few days there we madly in love and saying we were crazy to ever think badly but there was slight fight when I (in my culture when with out bf/gf do not look at people of opposite sex when they are trying to flirt) got mad when he did that and I was already frustrated because our schedule practically got from us deciding what to do to what his mother wanted to do and follow her schedule and I did comment on that and was frustrated because my last true day with him I was devastated I did not get spend much time exploring a castle.

    The next day I left and I was already missing my love but he reassured me in a note on our way to frankfurt that “he has loved me for who I am, to not be sad, to just change things and see the positive, for whatever I have to be or are 2 years and still loves me” After I came back to america we were on sweet normal tlaking terms every now and then we talked about how we missed each other and i would ask about his preparation for russia as his student exchange and he was excited about. But then we had lost contact when he was in russia and then came the weird changes he changed his profile pic which was a pic of in paris kissing to a different one and days later erased my post on his wall and after then he changed to hiding out relationship and i though maybe he liked someone else. Then I get the devastating mssg about how he is breaking up and how he didnt like america(which i do not either i am used to tropical places like my home country mexico) and how he didnt think we did free things although i do many like cliff diving hiking(which he said I did not) and other free stuff. He said he felt “had to be something for me” although i always tell him to relax to be what he needs be not push himself soo much and siad cultturual and distance and then I was at the time waiting for iphone 6 wantning to solution everything got clingy and went into a desperate act saying what is really up and i did not believe what he was writing and asked him to skype and he said was he does not love me and he would not skype. Then he blocked me on facebook although he stayed in contact with many of my friends(so i asked his friends and they said he would never do it and some them were like maybe he is just confused or something but also commented that he had not talked with anyone not even when he came back from russia(2weeks later what should have been a month and i also asked someone to check up on him and his friend said he would visit him and he did as he posted on his profile pic the date they meet but in the end his friend never got back with me about what happened between me and my ex and what he thought) and I got a friends account seeing what he did on facebook and he posted some some songs about cheating and breaking up and wanting to get back together on his spotify but he never talked to me except the day I sent him a sweet message on his bday 11 days later which he sent kind of emotionless email and I was devasted and just commented in back that turns out that in college I had enough credits to be a junior although its my 1st year and I was allowed to travel and study abroad and tried about his trip to russia and new class but he never answered. I noticed his music changed to different music some sounding like he would never forget me in its message but now it his playlist is only theatrical i only imagine school thing and now he has barely used his facbeook but he has some new girl friends( they have not liked anything or him liked anything of them) and guy friends. So Since October 2 I no longer contact him but he has not contacted him I do not know what to do anymore because since he no longer has my facebook I am not a daily reminder of him wanting me back or anything like that although I have lost some weight and perfected my skin and worked out more and have done much academic and musical and other advances be see no point to of it if he does not know. I have even got in contact with some germans over some online websites in attempt to know which university to go in germany and I even have some scholarships I am applying for so I can go study over there. But and I do not know what to when 30 days are up and I have to supposedly “text” him :/ How to get him to talk to me when it seems he had just completely changed and does not care about me anymore HELPPP!!!! I AM DESPERATE I AM TIRED OF CRYING AND PRAYING EACH NIGHT AND FEELING THIS EMPTY SPACE IN MY HEART AND NOT KNOWING ANYTHING I WANT HIM SO BADLY I GIVE EVERYTHING FOR HIM EVEN FOR HIM TO BE MY FRIEND <z3

    • HopelessLover
      October 15, 2014 | 2:10 am

      I fell in love in junior year with the most incredible man I have ever meet and am for sure I would meet the only situation is that he was a exchange student form germany. We both understood this situation well as we believed we wanted to keep it going it never crossed our mind when he was here that he wanted to break up or anything. We simply were madly in love. We knew we had part ways as he had go back to study in germany to abirtu which is a more harder high school then normals and we kept skype calling and talked daily because we could not imagine no life without each other we made countless plans his greatest one was to come to study in USA with me once he finished high school.( He even said that the moment he meet me he fell deeply in love and that even if I never had gone out with him he would of worked so hard to come to USA to find me one day) although for his first year he kept hidden to me the fact that his school in germany is 13 years not 12 and well I was okay with it and he came visit me senior year in october and we undoubtly spent as much time together. Then we had rough time that february as i felt neglected but i believe it was just me feeling lonely and worried since it was my senior year and I had sent my applications to Harvard, Stanford, Berkley and( which i got accepted to all 3)we broke up for a bit but I realized i just needed to relax and appreciate more his love. Well we both undoubtley came more in love but his worry was always if I was ever going to germany and turns out

    • admin
      October 27, 2014 | 2:36 pm

      Yes, text him. Did you read this page from start to finish?

      • HopelessLover
        October 30, 2014 | 10:21 pm

        Hello and i did read the page but that is my issue i have no cellphone number the way we contacted was through skype, facebook, and i have his email and i emailed him one his birthday and he responded very dry saying that i am well and i emailed him after this but he did not respond so i started the 30 day no contact and his music on spotify has changed drasctically and today there seemed to be some hope as he listen to a song about just wanting one word from me called nur ein wort (german song)… But now i do not know to do the ” i have a confession” text or to bring about a memory???

        • HopelessLover
          October 30, 2014 | 10:30 pm

          he also blocked me on facebook so i do not know which way contact him

          • HopelessLover
            November 6, 2014 | 5:49 am

            UPDATE: I was currently friends with his friend from germany but now he too has blocked me I do not know what to do anymore and send him a contact email and he just ignored

  21. Ashley Young
    October 14, 2014 | 9:00 pm

    Hello Chris.
    I also need a little bit of advice about a guy I was seeing.
    We never dated actually in an official way.
    I knew him from my college days for 6 years. We were just friends by then and he would drop me a line or two every year to see how I’ve been doing.
    Last summer he texted me and we started to talk frequently. Honestly I was never interested in him romantically before so I kept our texts quite casual except some flirting here and there. After a month he wanted to meet up and I wasn’t too keen about it at first. Once we did he started to shower me with affection. Sending me texts day and night and asking me out almost every day inviting me to his place for a movie. I was reluctant at first and didn’t accept most of his advances but in time I started to open up and we hit it off. Went to grab coffee, dinner, worked a little bit together etc. We also got intimate but I was a virgin at that time and we didn’t go all the way. I told him I felt sorry for him cause I wasn’t going to do it yet but he said he was quite happy with how things were. He sent gifts to my workplace, made future plans together and I was getting really close to him.
    But one day he just stopped. He was starting a new business at the time and I figured he was just being busy with it. I thought I didn’t care but I was wrong. Once he pulled back all the affection I got crazy like any woman and probably pestered him too much cause I couldn’t understand why he was acting completely opposite of hwo he was befor. I was angry, mad and heartbroken. He finally told me that he didn’t want a serious relationship and he had no energy to keep up with one.He also had a possibility of moving to another country because of work. I got drunk sent him drunk texts and dragged the issue for a month before I finally got it. he didn’t want me.

    One year later I couldn’t forget him and started to check his instagram page then sent him a mail which he responded right away. we started talking keeping it casual as possible. But when I asked to meet up he didn’t like the idea because he blew me a little bit. 1 month later it was my birthday and I told him he could swing by the place I was going to celebrate it and wish me a happy birthday during out mails. We did, went to his place and started making out as soon as we walked through the door. He wanted to have sex but I said no. Not tonight. He asked me to stay the night but I said No again and he dropped me home quite dissapointed.

    We kept texting on and off but he was still not that guy from thr first time he approached me. It was really the same as where I left him a year ago. He didn’t want to meet often , actually we met only 4 times in 3 months I think. Our second meeting after my birthday (and it was me always asking him out and forcing my way) we had sex for the first time. That night I spent the night at his place. After that whenever I asked to meet he kept saying he was busy and I could understand it because his business from last year failed and he started a new one recently where he was working quite a lot and late because his partner was foreigner and the time difference was making it hard. He was asking me to spend the night before but he didn’t want it anymore, when I brought the subject he kindly refused it.

    During this time we started to follow eachother on Instagram but he had hard time doing it and I kind of forced him to do it too. I didn’t understand why he was being so complicated about it but I found out later.
    He had some kind of a friend who I think was a friend of his sisters in the first place. They were working together for some photoshoot ( his sister as a model ) These are all my guesses from what I saw in instagram honestly cause he is aclosed box and he never mentions anything deep about his friends to me. Anyway I started to check this girl out cause he was being too flirty with him in instagram. Even in his birtday celebration she was there with him and her sister and maybe no one else( again I am guessing from the pictures). Since I was checking her out I asked my friend to follow her for a while. I am a woman and if I smell something fishy I would follow the trail. One day when we were checking her pictures I saw her laying on his bed. In the picture she wasn’t naked but it looked like she was . I was quite furious .
    I called him and asked him about the picture. He said she was being rude by taking a picture like that and he was not home at that time. I asked him twice if she was more than a friend and was he having sex with her. He said No. I don’t have sex with anybody else except you. I said ok but the bad feeling was just there still. But honestly he had no reason to lie cause we were never official. The day after that girl deleted that picture from her instagram page ( it was up there for almost a week before I noticed and told him about it)

    My guess about the picture was that it was taking at his birthday. They went to celebrate it with his sister and this girl( don’t know why or how) then they went to his place or maybe evenspent the night at his place. So the sister was with them. And he left early the next morning to go to work so that means she could have the liberty to take any picture she wanted when he wasn’t home. I dont know….

    He also kept telling me he still didn’t want a serious relationship and had no energy for one. I said I understand and I am ok with it which was a mistake I know.

    One day after I texted him when I was working late he asked me if I had any connection to a stalker he had in instagram. I didn’t but he thought I may had. He said I hope you don’t and didn’t give me any details even if I asked him to. I said no firmly he said ok and I thougth we closed the subject.

    By the way remember I asked my friend to follow that girl ? She stopped following her after some time which was 2-3 weeks before the stalker subject.

    Anyway after some time he got more and more distant. I literally seduced him but he still didn’t want to meet up. He finally told me we should give eachother some break. I said fine but answer some questions. Because I still had a bad feeling about that girl. My guy maybe seeing her just as a friend but I am sure she was hitting on him,flirting with him. And maybe he liked the attention as well.I asked is she really just your friend? And he said he didn’t want toexplain himself for no reason and he was suspecting me as a stalker now cause I was asking him about the person I found out in instagram. I said no and no over again and he acted like he beleieved me once more but it was just off still.

    After this convo I gave him space like he wanted to. But after a week I looked to that girls page in instagram to see she blocked me from viewing her page for some reason. Why? I didn’t know cause she could never know who I was. Just that the day before I liked my guys picture he put up on instagram which she commented like every other picture he had.

    I started to suspect him talking about me to that girl. Why else would she know me and block me for no reason? I texted him angry about me not being the stalker and that I had enough of the accusation. He didn’t reply at first then after a few more anrgy texts from me he asked ” What is your underwear doing under my bed? ” I was dumbstruck as what the hell he was talking about?

    I called him, he said he couldn’t text because he had a business contact with him and he was driving him. I said fine but what are you talking about? He said I found something and it can only be yours. I was happy and sad at the same time. He thought it was mine for sure because he was only sleeping with me but sad or rather furious because whose was that for real?

    I reminded him about the naked picture accident saying ” maybe you should ay more attention to whoever is coming and going to your house” He probably couldn’t put them together.

    there was 2 possiblities.
    1- It could be his sisters. But If it was his sisters she would ask him or rather just go and find the underwear she forgot/lost at his house. he also said it was new and unused.
    2- That girl who was taking naked looking pictures laying on his bed when he wasn’t around could have just tossed an underwear there and if another woman came by she could see and figured he had others besides her. That is the most simple scheme a woman would think of.

    As the subject was left unresolved I texted him a few days later about something else to forget it. He responded normally but asked me about the stalker case again. he asked I saw your friend was following that naked picture girl.

    We had an argument cause I had enough. Enough was enough. In the end he said we should cut all our contact now if we wanted to forget anything negative between us.

    Then I started the no contact period.

    Honestly there are a lot more details going on but even this version is longer than I thought.
    When I asked could there be a possible future for us? He replied we will see in time. Right now he wasn’t looking for a relationship not with anyone. Not me but also not anyone else. It was not like he wasn’t being with me because there was someone else. there wasn’t. And he just had no energy to keep up with a relationship right now.

    Also I know everyone told me he just wanted sex but no. He could have me whenever he wanted but I think that was his way of respecting in a way. he didn’t want to use me.

    Do you think I should contact him after the NC? Would it worth this time? Cause I do like him enough to give my virginity but I don’t know how to get that sweet guy from the begining back? he also tells me that I am like a dream come true to many man but not right now for him.

    Maybe he is trying to put his life on track for sure cause his business is fairly new and wants to have something serious afterwards? So time is all we need? I just don’t know..

    • admin
      October 27, 2014 | 2:30 pm

      I think you should contacthim after NC.

  22. Emilie
    October 14, 2014 | 7:24 pm

    Hi!
    I broke up with my boyfriend about three weeks ago. He initiated it saying that things wasn’t the same, that he loved me but he felt like we were not happy together as we were before. We were together for 2 and a half years mostly in a long distance relationship but about three months ago I moved to his country to be closer and managed to be only a four hour drive away sop that we could see each other on weekends. It came as a huge surprise to me and I was (still am) a wreck about it… It is even harder now that I am in a big city on my own so it is hard to think about anything else. After that we texted for about a week because he wants to stay friend but it was very hard for me because it gave me the illusion that it was not really over and even though I tried to keep it light we couldn’t help but mention the breakup and how I was sad etc. After one last text where he said that for him his decision was made and he wasn’t going to change his mind, I was really hurt and asked him that we stop contacting each other for a while so that I can get better. The thing is that like many of you I suppose, I really want him back and I cannot help but think that this is the only thing in the world that I really want because I do love him. I know he is young (22) and that he probably feels like he wants to get more experience with other people but I cannot help but feel that we are right for each other… I haven’t harassed him or stalked him so I got that going for me… Now I am trying my best to not contact him for a while and work on myself to look better and feel better and hopefully see him again. I wanted to ask anyone for advice on this No Contact Rule, do you think it is efficient? Is there a chance we can be together again? Also since we live within a four hour drive distance it will be difficult for me to re-connect with him… I mean if he comes see me or I go see him we will have to sleep at each others places… Which is not that great to try to give it some space at first… Any advice for a broken heart is welcome! :)

    • admin
      October 27, 2014 | 2:28 pm

      I think it is deifnitely worth a try.

      Sleeping at each others places is a no no until after NC though.

  23. Elaine
    October 14, 2014 | 12:29 am

    Hi Chris,

    Hope this message finds you well.

    This is Elaine from Singapore. 8 sincerely hope you can help me on this. Thank you very much for your kind help and advice in advance.

    I knew my Jewish boyfriend on online dating slightly more than 2 years ago. We hit it off online right away and went on chatting everyday. We talked everything even to marriage.

    After a few months,he asked me to visit him as he is still studying to be a doctor. I made plans to book the air tickets,but was told by him to postpone the trip twice due to various reasons. When I finally booked my 3rd trip successfully in Aug 2013,he finally confessed he is married as I kept asking him about his wedding ring via Skype. But he told me he love me differently and way more than his wife,because she is Japanese,lives away from him and don’t understand him as well as I do. We are soulmates as what he said. I feel the same too and although being so hurt,I went on the trip because I can’t cancel it anymore.

    During the trip,I stayed at his home. His parents are very fond of me and he loves me to death. I asked him and his parents seperately about his marriage. He told me that he is going to get a divorce from her since he can’t live without me now. I had wanted to return him to his wife after my trip,but I really love him so much and he pleaded me not to do so.

    In late Dec 2013,he texted me to say that he has finally divorced her and he is so happy to be free from her. He even told me his Mom knows everything about us and is very happy about us together and in love. We fell more deeply in love with each other and he depended greatly on me for everything from his sickness,school,insurance,scholarships,etc. I even lent him lots of money.

    We made plans to marry. On Sep 2014,we fought badly because his Japanese wife left an intimate message on his Line profile and I suspect she is there as she used her initials to pick up controlled medicine that he asked me to help him buy for his own sickness. He kept insisting she is not around and even emailed me the engagement ring he bought for me which he wants to surprise me during my upcoming Dec trip.

    Then his wife emailed me and asked me not to bother them. She asked me to ask his folks since I don’t believe they are still married. I did and copied his Mom and him in all our email correspondences. His Mom did not respond but according to him,she was very mad. He kept assuring me that I am the only one for him and she was jealous that he left her for me.

    A few days later,right before their Jewish New Year,his Mom emailed me alone to tell me they are together and asked me to go away though she knows how amazing I am. I replied her angrily with him on copy telling her everything about us,from he taking my virginity,borrowing my money to promising to propose to me in Dec. I texted him so many times to ask if he actually loves me and wants to marry me and he still wants me to believe him. He said he will explain after the Jewish New Year in end Sep,but I kept texting and calling for his explanation until he blocks me.

    Right on the start of New Year,I called him but his Mom picked up and we talked. I told her everything about us. She said she thought we were only good friends but we are Not! She told me his Japanese wife was at his home a few months ago until now too but I told her he has been talking to me all this while on phone,texts and emails. She was so mad that he cheated on both of us and threatened to chase him out of the house. She asked me to forward her everything I have including our conversations and bank statements so that she can confront him and get a fair solution for his wife and me. I did.

    He blocked me and refused to talk to me until I called his home again about 2-3 days later. His step-dad picked up and said he is tending to his sick wife and cannot pass him the phone because they want to avoid another drama. I insist on speaking to him,and his step-dad called him to the phone but he refused to pick up saying that the New Year is not over and he cannot use electronics during that time. He called me back a few hours later and he said he cannot speak to me ever again because I destroyed his New Year. It doesn’t matter if he is married or not,but he can’t be with someone who did that.

    What followed was many emails,texts and calls to him in the US from my country far away in Singapore. I even sent them flowers to apologize right after. He and his family refused to talk or respond to my calls,emails and texts. I even threatened to go to the police,medical societies and his school to report on the money and the controlled medicine but they still did not respond. I did not do so because I still live him deeply.

    He finally picked up my call a few days ago because I contacted his Rabbi to ask if I can join their events in Dec to reconcile with him. He was so mad at me,but I can still sense he loves me because he sounded regretful about what I did. “As though if I have not destroyed his New Year,we can still be together” tone of voice.

    He read my messages and thought I had a new man so quickly when I told him this new man was just a friend who is trying to help me get back my money from him the legal way. He sounded so jealous and mad and called me a few times that day. He said he will pay me back the money when he has the money but don’t know when. He said he gonna get a restraining order against me so that I can’t get near his family. I did not even harm or hurt them! I don’t even have the chance to get near them since I am living so far away!

    After that we stopped talking again,and yesterday I emailed him and his Mom to say that I will stop bothering them for the time being because I am learning to be a Jewish. I love him deeply and want to convert to a Jew for him. I know his marriage is broken because I saw him on Jdate.com (a Jewish dating website) as a Single Man finding for his soulmate. We are each other’s soulmates and we know each other so well. I told them all these and I will keep waiting and improving myself until they forgive me. They did not respond.

    Could you please advise what I can do to win him back? We truly love each other and can’t lose each other at all. We are nearly getting married! His marriage is long broken already since he is also finding someone new now. I done too much for him to let him go and I want to fulfil our life goals together. Please kindly help me Chris.

    Thank you very much.

    With best regards,
    Elaine

    • admin
      October 14, 2014 | 3:57 pm

      Wait, he is still married to his wife?

  24. Constanza
    October 10, 2014 | 3:17 am

    Hi Chris,
    My boyfriend and I were dating for two years,at first I wasn’t really sure to be with him,so I was seeing other guys,and he was really pacient,and with time I developed feelings for him. We started dating,and I started to get more paranoid and lose myself into this psycho girl. We were fighting a lot the last months,and after a month of trying to bhold on into the relationship hedumped me saying sorry for not staying with me forever but he needs distance and get me out of his life,that he’s depressed but he hopes I’m fine and everything goes well for me. If I use the no contact rule,do you think I’ve got chances to come back? He was the one who didn’t want to end this so many times and now I’m so sad.

    • admin
      October 13, 2014 | 3:35 pm

      I think it will prove your chances, definitely.

  25. Krista
    October 9, 2014 | 9:13 pm

    Hi guys,

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago after being with him for 16 months. Im 23 and he’s 26. He said he has thought it through and wants to be friends. I am so heartbroken that it has been so difficult for me to do school work and everything else. He’s someone I truly love and I thought we had something special. He was someone who I thought I was going to marry someday. He told me he loved me and would never leave me, well I guess I got fooled on that one. We did talk about our future about getting married and what not and so I need help in showing him what he’s missing and see how lucky of a wonderful woman he had in his life. So I need help in getting him back permanently.To also add that he told me that he can’t imagine his life without me and it would be weird if I wasn’t in his life anymore so I don’t know if that means something or not.

    • admin
      October 13, 2014 | 3:13 pm

      Have you attempted any type of NC rule?

  26. Jen
    October 9, 2014 | 6:20 pm

    My boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me three weeks ago. It was after a blow out fight about him not wanting to move forward. We had been fighting about the same thing for a year, with him telling me that he wants to get married and move in, but that the fighting had to stop. He made no attempts to move forward at all and was uncomfortable when I would try to discuss it with him.

    There were little things that he would do that would cause me insecurity, such as not giving me a key to his place over 2 years into our relationship, being hesitant to go on vacation, ect. At the same time he would tell me how much he loved me and that he wanted to move forward.

    In the big fight I had told him that he needed to take a week to figure out what he wants. He begged me not to and I kept pushing. He then said he was done and I should grab my stuff. He went on a rant that he hadn’t been happy in two years and that he wasn’t sure if he loved me anymore. At the same time he said he just wanted some space. I begged him over the course of a couple of weeks and we had one meeting where we actually talked about the problems and I acknowledge the actions I took that were wrong and contacted a counselor to help work on my insecurity issues. He is also going through a lot of issues with the end of his career as a musician, turning 30, ect.

    The day I went to a counselor he texted me that he hoped I had a good appointment and then sent me info on a relationship counselor, saying that her blog sounded like a lot of the things we were going through. He did not want to see her with me, but he is going on his own now. Upon the advice of my counselor, I contacted him to let him know that I respect he needs space but also that I wanted a time limit to know when he might want to get together and discuss the relationship in a month or so time. He freaked out and said that he didn’t have a time and it was indefinite. He then said the demise of the relationship is my fault. I then pointed out the things he did to cause me to be insecure. It wasn’t a good conversation, but i feel like he needed to take some responsibility. We were best friends and did have a really good relationship, with the issues of fighting because he wasn’t moving forward. We discussed marriage and kids; I even looked at engagement rings with his mom.

    It’s been a week of no contact and I feel a lot better. I am aware not only that how I dealt with things weren’t healthy but that he has some comittment issues. I am just wondering what you think? Do you think that there is a chance he will change his mind? I just don’t want to feel like I’m holding on to false hope. Please let me know.

    • admin
      October 13, 2014 | 3:11 pm

      Just keep on keeping on with the NC.

      I think there is always a chance his mind will change but you kind of have to move on without moving on for that to happen and NC is perfect for that.

      • Jen
        October 14, 2014 | 6:33 pm

        Hi Chris,

        It’s officially week two. This weekend my ex liked one of my instagram photos. This seems like not a big deal, except that I told him not to contact me unless he wants to work on the relationship.

        Also, his Grandmother called me out of the blue and spoke to me. She said that he had cried the day after the breakup and told her that he loves me and that he is scared. He does not show his emotions very easily. She told me she would talk to him this weekend.

        Are these good signs? Am I looking into the instagram thing too much? Do you think I will receive any significant contact from him?

  27. Marija
    October 9, 2014 | 3:33 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I really need your opinion. My ex and I were in a relationship for three and a half years. Most of the time we were fighting about everything. He was extremely jealous and didn’t believe me although I was trying on every possible way to prove him that there’s nothing to be worried about. He’s been selfish and did things that hurt me and didn’t really care about that. It was OK for him to do them but not for me. The previous time we broke up, he said that he needed space in the relationship and that I should stop picking fights for everything. I was OK with that and I tried to give him the space and time he needed. I’ve stopped picking fights and did the things the way he liked. But once more he wasn’t pleased. It’s been a week since we last broke up. Two days after the break up, we talked about our relationship and he said that it was better this way because he didn’t want a relationship where he’ll be constantly fighting. I can say that I was sometimes very needy and clingy girlfriend but that’s because he was acting so indifferently and didn’t want to try to make the relationship better, he was just sitting there, waiting for me to do the whole effort and make the things right. Since then, I was following your NC and didn’t call him or text him under any circumstances and tried to make him see that I’m OK with the decision he made. I noticed that he’s constantly online on facebook (which is so unusual for him) doing things that he knows I didn’t like and that’ll hurt me or even make me jealous. On one hand I know that he’s feeling happy now being finally single but on the other hand I want to know if he’s trying to get my attention and make me call him (which has always worked before) by doing this things. He also stopped saying hello to my friends when he sees them. I don’t know what to think anymore. I don’t know whether I should move on or wait for his call. I would be extremely grateful if you give me your opinion.
    Thank you in advance.

    Best regards,
    Marija

    • admin
      October 13, 2014 | 3:07 pm

      CAn I ask you a question.

      Do you think his jealous nature will ever improve?

      • Marija
        October 13, 2014 | 11:19 pm

        I don’t know, but I think that it would be possible, only if he is willing to stop comparing other people’s experience with the events in his own life and relationship. The mistakes that they made are not mine and he needs to deal with that once and for all and I know that that’s a tough job but I’m willing to do it, only if I knew what precisely I should do. He was always the most important person in my life and I never hid that from him. I think that that was my biggest mistake, me boosting his ego up too much.

  28. Amy
    October 8, 2014 | 8:30 pm

    Hi Chris,
    It has been just less than a week since first contact and it went well – it was friendly, short and I felt in control. We’ve talked a couple of times since then, him starting one of the said conversations.
    How long should I wait between now and texting him about the ‘good times’? Should I just use my gut feeling and do it when it feels right?
    Thank you.

    • admin
      October 9, 2014 | 1:42 pm

      Yes, use your gut feeling on when it feels right.

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