How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

 Ex-Boyfriend-Recovery-PRO

This may make you upset, but it’s the truth. I can’t guarantee that you are going to get your ex boyfriend back, I just can’t. We are dealing with a male human being here and as much as I would love to be able to just make him get back with you I don’t have the mind control powers that so many others in this “how to get your ex boyfriend back” community seem to have.

Seriously though, if you see any book, product or article that guarantees that it can get you your ex back 100% of the time you should stop and realize that you are probably about to look at something that was made up just to get you to buy it or read it. Ironically, a lot of the stuff out there that makes these ridiculous claims offer no value and leave you feeling taken advantage of.

Here Is The Truth

It is impossible to guarantee that you can get a previous boyfriend back 100% of the time. However, it is possible to significantly raise your chances. The keyword there being SIGNIFICANTLY and before you get all argumentative I have seen the tactics outlined on this page work time and time again. It isn’t necessarily a fast process but there is proof out there to back up the claims being made.

But First..

Getting your ex back is going to be tough. This page, while amazingly detailed, won’t have every single step that you will need to successfully get him back. It is such a complicated process that even the 10,000 words on this page can’t cover everything you need to know. I have been running this site for quite some time and get an incredible amount of emails and comments every single day. Each person wants me to give them a detailed step by step plan that they can follow to get their ex back. The fact of the matter is that it is such a complex process that I really can’t give you everything you need in a post, email, comment or Facebook chat.

Don’t worry though, I saw this problem and spent two months creating that step by step plan people were clamoring for. It took me 20,000 words but I finally did it! I highly recommend you check it out if you get a chance. Click the link below!

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

What This Page Is About

relationship infographic

I am not going to lie to you. I put a lot of work into this page (1 full month to be exact.) I read relationship books, I took notes on speeches that dating experts gave, I bought online products, I listened my friends tell me stories about what they did to reunite with their exes and tested out some of the things I learned.

You are going to discover that this page is really long, in-depth but more importantly, it is going to help you to not only get your boyfriend back but to rediscover yourself in the process.

Here are some of the things that will be covered:

  • A Step by Step System To Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  • Helpful Tips To Get Him Running Back
  • The Best Way To Contact Your Ex
  • Building Up Your Personal Confidence
  • What To Do & What Not To Do
  • What To Do If He Cheated On You
  • How To Get Him Back If You Cheated On Him
  • What To Do If He Has A Girlfriend
  • How To Define Your Dating Goals

(Side Note: The system I have outlined on this page will work for teenagers in high school, married couples, people who haven’t seen each other in six months or two years and people who just got out of a long distance relationship. Basically, I am saying this system is universal!)

I thought the best way to go about the rest of this page would be to take an in-depth look at each step of the ex recovery process starting with your break up and what to do immediately after it.

The No Contact Rule

(If you want a more in-depth look at the No Contact Rule please visit this page.)

still thinking about your ex

Ok, before we do any soul searching or serious strategizing you are going to have to implement the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule- No texting, talking or stalking your ex for a full month. That is 30 days of essentially cutting your man out of your life. Remember, don’t dig into his life and don’t Google + or Facebook him.

If you don’t believe in the no contact rule then all I can say to you is that you had better start believing in it. Remember above when I said I spent a lot of time researching this topic? Yea well, I only took a look at credible sources and every one and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE recommends the no contact rule.

The no contact rule is done for two reasons.

First

Right after a break up is when you are at your emotional peak and I don’t mean a good emotional peak, I am talking about anger, hate, basically everything that Yoda from Star Wars said to avoid. The no contact rule is going to give you time to work on yourself and calm down a little bit so you can think more rationally instead of emotionally.

Second

Your ex boyfriend is probably going to start wondering why you aren’t talking to him and possibly may even begin to miss you.

IMPORTANT:

He will probably try to call or text you during this no contact period. It is important that you ignore him.
You may hear from mutual friends that he called you a bad name/s or you may get the feeling that he hates you or wants nothing to do with you. Don’t worry, he is emotional and doesn’t mean it. Besides, after 30 days he will change his tune.

Special Cases Where You Have To Contact During No Contact

There are certain special cases where it is pretty much impossible to “ignore” your ex without seeming like a jerk. Here are those specific cases and what you should do if you find yourself in them.

If you live with the person- Your goal is to be a respectful roommate. Make sure any interactions you do have with the person are short, pleasant and to the point. Make sure you are as positive as possible.

If you have kids together- The last thing you want is to come off like a jerk. So, if you are in this situation make sure you keep your interactions to a minimum. Keep things short, simple and positive.

Are you seeing a trend here?

What Caused The Breakup?

breakup cartoon

Knowing what caused your breakup is important because it can give you an idea of where your relationship went wrong and how you can possibly correct it in the future.

A Word On Men

(Disclaimer- these views reflect the average male. Not every single male acts according to these guidelines.)

Typically men don’t like to hurt your feelings. Thus, it is entirely possible that whatever reason they gave you for the breakup may not be completely true. I’ll admit that we men sometimes don’t even know why we want out of a relationship we just do.

However, I would say that the average man will leave a relationship when his is no longer getting what he needs. No I am not talking about sex here (although that can lead to problems for some men.) I am talking about admiration.

Men like to be admired for who they are. They love the newness of a relationship, want respect and like to see significant interest coming from females.

The best way I can describe this phenomenon would be like this:

You just started dating a new guy. You are in that honeymoon phase and everything is great. You are constantly complimenting him and giving him acknowledgment that he is wanted by you. Basically he loves hearing that you are interested in him. However, as time goes on things begin to change. You don’t compliment him as much because you don’t need to land him anymore. This is when the problems begin for him.

Another thing that you always hear guys saying is the fact that they are constantly nagged to death by their girlfriends.

Let me break this down for you…

Nagged To Death = A man looks at this as if his woman no longer is satisfied with what he has to offer or bring to the table. This doesn’t mean you can’t always express your feelings you just need to do a better job at mixing them in with love and admiration for him.

He Broke Up With You?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if HE broke up with you please visit this page.)

reasons for breakup infographic

Getting dumped sucks. I feel for you but don’t worry we are going to take a look at your breakup and figure out the best way to approach things. Again, I want to reiterate this point- don’t assume that the reason your ex gave you for the break up is really why they broke up with you. This may sound a bit mean but you are going to have to be completely honest with yourself and possibly look at things that may make you uncomfortable.

Here are some of the most common reasons for break ups:

Your ex boyfriend didn’t feel attracted to you anymore:

Ouch, I know this one must definitely sting to hear but it is a legitimate REAL reason for why he may have broken up with you. This is a common complaint among men who are dating someone who let themselves go a little bit in the relationship. You may have to put in some extra work here but trust me when I say that your physical appearance is easier to improve than your personality so don’t let his thoughts get to you.

You ex boyfriend was getting bored with you:

This is another legitimate reason for a breakup. Unfortunately, in my personal opinion it says more about of his lack of character (unless you were really boring but I doubt that) than anything you actually did. Luckily, seeming boring is quite easy to fix!

Your boyfriends emotional and sexual needs weren’t fulfilled by you:

A lot of times this can be happening but you won’t have any clue. Men aren’t the best communicators especially when it comes to breaking bad news. The last thing they want is to hurt you so they will just break up with you and give you some general reason. Luckily again this can be addressed!

Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know what he wants:

In this case it really is the classic line “it’s not you, it’s me.” This one can be a little harder to come back from but trust me it can be done if you are smart about how you approach the situation.

Cheating:

(If YOU cheated on your boyfriend then click this link for more information.)

(If HE cheated on you and you want him back click here for more information.)

One of the most popular questions I get around here is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back if I cheated on him/ if he cheated on me.” First things first, when it comes to cheating you need to understand one thing. Men and women cheat for very different reasons.

Men cheat because they are horny.

Women cheat because they aren’t feeling appreciated or other emotional reasons.

A lot of times what can happen is an ex can realize what they missed about you once they are settled in with their new person.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

You Broke Up With Him?

(For a more in-depth look at what your options are if YOU broke up with him please visit this page.)

peak breakup times according to facebook

A huge misconception out there is that because you did the dumping it is a lot easier to get back with your ex. This is completely NOT TRUE. Trust me, your going to have to do a lot of work, perhaps more than the women who were dumped.

Here are some of the most common reasons why you may have broken up with your boyfriend:

You believed that the grass was greener and things could be better:

Everyone always thinks they could do better until they go out and realize that the relationship they had before wasn’t so bad.

You mistakenly believed that your ex boyfriend betrayed or cheated on you:

Ah so you had a sneaking suspicion but were proven wrong. This is bad for you for a couple of reasons. First off, your boyfriend surely will feel worried about incurring your wrath whenever they want to do something. Secondly, it makes your ex feel like you never trusted them. Luckily, you can work on this and prove to him that you are no longer the person who suspects him every time he goes out (without you.)

Your ex boyfriend cheated on you:

Honestly, this is tough for me to give advice on. You were faithful but he was not. I would say think very carefully if this person is worth getting in a relationship with again. Personally, cheating to me is a big no no and I don’t think I could forgive that so easily. But hey, that’s me.

You don’t feel attracted to him anymore:

They let themselves go huh? You were too familiar with them and it just got old or boring? Make sure that you are very serious about wanting to get back with this person before you keep reading.

There was a big fight and a break up occurred:

A while back I was dating someone and it always seemed that we would fight over the silliest things. Now, I like to think that I am generally a calm person but for whatever reason my girlfriend and I would always fight. So, I went to the most trusted of friends for advice, my dad. He explained to me that a relationship is like a bank account. Every time you have a good experience or something of that nature you are putting money into the account. However, every time you have an argument or a fight you are taking money out of the account. The key thing here is to have more green deposits than red withdrawals in your relationship bank account.

(If you were abused either physically or emotionally I recommend that you NEVER get back together with an ex.)

Defining Your Goal

One thing that needs to be made clear is that if you are going to seriously invest the time and effort to get your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to adopt a new mindset.

At one time you were dating this person. Maybe it was serious, maybe it was casual. Whatever the facts you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. Not only that but you want it to stay dead. A lot of times women make the mistake of picking up right where they left off whenever they do get their ex back.

Why in the world would they want that? Your old relationship had problems or failed right? So, the last thing you want to do is resume that doomed relationship.

The big goal that you should strive for is to create a relationship with your ex boyfriend that is not only new but better.

I am in to helping women who want a lasting relationship with their boyfriends. This may sound goofy but I like those women who so strongly believe that they are going to be together with their exes for good that they are willing to try anything.

To a casual observer that may sound really risky but personally I love women with that belief that after they get their boyfriend back they will be with him forever. Those are the type of women who work really hard to create that NEW and BETTER relationship.

So, the big take away that I want you to get from this section is that your ultimate goal assuming this process works for you is that you are discarding your old relationship and creating a new one that is stronger.

Having A Legitimate Reason For Getting Back Together

(For a more in-depth look at legitimate reasons for getting back together please visit this page.)

If you can’t already tell I truly do enjoy helping women strategize on how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, one thing that I have neglected to mention so far is that there are certain women (not you) that don’t have legitimate reasons for wanting to get back together with their boyfriends.

As a general rule it is good to have a legitimate reason for getting back together with your significant other. Here are some of the reasons that ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE.

  • Saying you will die without him.
  • That he’s your whole life.
  • You’ll never find someone better.
  • Your not happy alone.
  • It will be different next time.

Again, these reasons are not good enough to get back together. The fact of the matter is that you can be perfectly fine without this person if you are citing any of these.

Here are a few reasons that ARE ACCEPTABLE.

  • The breakup was a rash decision.
  • You had a huge fight that caused the breakup.
  • You were happy almost all of the time you were together.
  • Both of you want the same things out of a life together.

What To Do During The No Contact Period

what to do?

Just a heads up this is an extremely important section. Remember how you are going to implement the no contact rule for a month (30 days?) Yes, well you are not going to just sit on your butt and twiddle your thumbs during this time. No, you are going to work towards your goal of a new and better relationship by focusing on the one thing you can control, yourself!

Re-Reminder Of The No Contact Period Rules

  • No texting, calling, emailing, Facebooking or writing your ex boyfriend.
  • It is recommended that you don’t dig into your exes life at all.
  • If your ex calls, texts, emails or Facebooks you, you are not allowed to respond.
  • Don’t listen to anything your ex says about you (even if it is hurtful names.)
  • If you break your no contact period agreement (talking to him in any shape or form before the 30 days are up) then you have to start your 30 day no contact period over.

Things To Avoid During The No Contact Period

  • Sleeping all day because of how you feel.
  • Staying home and not going out.
  • Drinking too much (alcohol.)
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about the breakup.
  • Making big life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work frequently.

Ok, so those are pretty much the most basic things of the big NO-NO’s of the no contact period. Now we get to the good stuff. Honestly, I am getting excited here because this is where you start taking the first steps of getting your ex boyfriend back. Granted, they are baby steps but they are still steps in the right direction.

Alright, so the biggest thing I want you to focus on for the no contact period is the fact that you are using this month to become the best version of yourself that you have ever been. There is a 100% chance, especially if you are ignoring him, that your ex is going to check up on you during this period and instead of sulking around feeling sorry for yourself he is going to see a strong, sexy, fun-having woman!

(Disclaimer: please don’t take offense ladies, some of the things I cover here are meant to help you not to criticize.)

Physical Changes

change your appearance

First things first, you are going to become the sexiest version of yourself that the world has ever seen. Let’s say you and I were dating and we had a fight and broke up (I know I am a horrible boyfriend ;) .) Anyways, after a month of you basically freezing me out (no contact) I happen to bump into you at a Starbucks or somewhere where we both frequented. The first thought I have of our encounter will be based on the choices that you made during the 30 day no contact period. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself and ate ice cream on the couch all day I will probably think “she looks terrible.” However, if you spent that no contact time working on yourself physically and mentally I am probably going to think “WOW! She is even more beautiful than I remember.”

Where did I come up with this? Actually this really happened to me. I was dating a girl and after we broke up I happened to run into her at a Starbucks and even though we had a short friendly conversation I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because she just looked so gorgeous. She looked so good in fact that all I could think was “how in the hell did I let her get away?”

Physical Changes You Can Make:

You can change your hairstyle- I’ll admit, I am not a hairstyle guru but everywhere I researched claimed that this was an excellent tactic to looking good for your man so who am I to argue with the experts.

Get in shape- There is no argument that you can make to me to say that this isn’t a good idea. This is especially true if (no offense) you are a little overweight. However, even if you are a workout fanatic don’t let your breakup change that side of you.

Clean up your diet- Again, this is another great way to feel better about yourself and notice how it is the opposite of sitting around eating ice cream all day.

Update your wardrobe- I am giving you permission to go out and shop! You can thank me later when you are on your mans arm.

Clean up your smile- No, I don’t mean smile more even though you should do that. I am talking about literally looking at how you can get a better smile. If you have bad teeth then go to the dentist and see if you can get them cleaned.

Clean up any skin problems you have- If you have excessive acne or any unwanted moles you can get those taken care of. I know it may be uncomfortable to talk about but in this case you need to suck it up and get the proper treatment if you don’t want them.

(I am not recommending plastic surgery or anything of that nature.)

Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

So, now that you know what changes you need to make physically lets talk about arguably the harder thing to improve, your mental state. One of the biggest assets about the no contact period is that it gives you time to calm down a bit from the mental tension that was your breakup. This section is going to be all about how to get through your breakup and heal emotionally. However, in order for that to happen you need to take a few actions first.

Mental Changes You Can Make:

Focus on work- It is good to distract your mind for a while and what better way to do that than with work. Careful though, you don’t want to be one of those career first women and lose sight of your goal. Remember, focusing on work in this particular case should be used to take your mind of your ex boyfriend.

Renew a hobby- I don’t have to explain this one do I? Ok, basically if there was anything fun that you used to do (tennis, golf, puzzles, collecting, hiking, photography, music) renew it.

Write in a journal- Sometimes your mind is constantly racing with thoughts about your ex boyfriend and since you can’t talk to him for 30 days it might be a good idea to jot your thoughts down in a journal.

Have fun- If your friends invite you out to a party or club I would recommend that you go out and have fun with them. Honestly time is the number one thing that can help you get over a break up but the second best thing is definitely having fun.

Reconnect with friends- Friends are great. You can talk to them about your problems and they will listen. You can rely on them in the bad times to pick you up. Careful though, don’t let them talk you into calling him before the no contact period is up.

How Other People Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

I thought this deserved it’s own section because there is a lot to talk about here. During your no contact period I recommend that you go on a date…. with someone new! Yes, I am saying to go on a date with someone who isn’t your ex. I know you may be a bit hesitant but trust me it’s a smart idea. Here are a few reasons why.

It shows you are moving on- In a strange way you kind of want your ex to know that you are on a date with someone. You appear self-assured and strong which are very attractive qualities.

It can build up your self confidence- Dating other people helps you feel a little bit more confident. Knowing that someone finds you attractive is always a great feeling. Not to mention the person you may be on the date with might be extremely fun.

It will help keep your mind off your ex (probably)- When you are busy you have less time to mope around or think about your ex. Instead of being completely miserable and depressed you are doing something constructive and dare I say having a bit of fun?

It will cure any phobias you may have developed- Women who haven’t been in a relationship for a long time may feel a little worried about meeting someone new. Don’t worry at all. Just focus on having fun with someone and making new friendships.

My Ex Boyfriend Is Dating Someone Else

(If you want an in-depth look at what to do if your ex boyfriend is dating someone else visit this page.)

jealous-girl

This is yet another one of those very popular questions I get: “Chris, how do I get my ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend?”

If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation I have two words for you.

Be Cool.

Studies have shown that 90% of rebound relationships don’t work out in the long run so the odds are probably in your favor. There is no reason to start harassing him or the girl he is dating. Under no circumstances will you contact him. In fact, DO NOT CONTACT HIM OR HER. The further away from the breakup your ex gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. This means he will forget the bad times and remember the good times.

So, be glad because it may be a blessing in disguise.

If you are still not convinced then all I can say to you is this. The tactics you will learn on this page are probably going to make you more attractive than the girl he is dating so just…

Be Cool.

One Last Word

You may notice that a lot of what you are doing during the no contact period is working on bettering yourself. I am not saying it’s going to be easy but doing what I recommended above will really help to heal you. Oh, and you may realize after some time that you don’t really want to get back with your ex (stranger things have happened.)

Your Means Of Contact

(If you want a more in-depth look at the ways to contact your ex please visit this page.)

(If you want more information on the strategies behind texting please click this link.)

funny text message

Wow that was a lot huh? I mean, we haven’t even started contacting our exes yet have we? Well, right now is when we begin that step. Are you excited? Alright, there is a lot of debate about this step. Every expert (myself included) seems to have a different opinion on the method you should use for contacting an ex. Some recommend writing a get your boyfriend back letter, some say you should give them a call and some even say you should text. So, what is the best method?

Well, the truth is that there is no best method. Every single relationship is different and will require different methods. Some people prefer calling while some prefer letters. Personally I prefer texting. So, from this point on I am just going to be focusing on that method and the best practices using it. But first….

Why I Prefer Texting

As stated above, I personally prefer texting over any method of contact for a number of reasons. If you are a little hesitant to text then I am hoping this section can sway you. Lets look at each method individually starting with..

The Phone

Actually, in my research I found that a lot of experts recommend calling (after the no contact period.) I have read multiple stories of women who have actually had some success with this method. However, I don’t like the phone for a lot of reasons. First off, it doesn’t give you time to think. The second your ex boyfriend picks up (if he even picks up) you have to be on your toes and there is a lot that can go wrong. Not to mention he still may be a little resentful about the break up.

Writing A Letter

I don’t know about you but if I got a letter out of the blue from an ex girlfriend I might be a little creeped out. The last thing you want to be is perceived as creepy or stalkerish and writing a letter the wrong way can definitely hurt you.

Texting

Honestly, it is hard to think of any disadvantages when using text messages. Texts are sacred, meaning that people rarely share them with anyone. Basically texting is super intimate. You can share cute pictures and do all sorts of really fun things. Not to mention it is impossible to raise your voice over a text message. However, I would say the biggest advantage to text messaging would be the fact that you can take your time and think everything through. This is something that calling on the phone won’t allow you.

The Game Plan

Before you plot to get your boyfriend back you are going to need a plan right? Well, it just so happens I have come up with the ultimate game plan for getting your ex back. I present to you “The Game Plan” a number of cool psychological tricks that, if implemented correctly, will give you the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Game Plan

A lot of the plan outlined above may not make sense to you right away. In fact, I would be shocked if it did. Don’t worry though because I am going to go through every single step in a very-in depth manner.

However, before we hit the ground running I feel it is important to mention a few things. The game plan outlined above is not set in stone. Every single relationship is unique and may require unique steps that I haven’t outlined. Knowing what to do can sometimes depend on your gut. So, if your gut is telling you that a particular tactic I have outlined won’t work for you I would definitely trust it. The main takeaway here is that you are going to have to get creative and sometimes even skip entire skips depending on how fast you are moving.

Important Things To Know Before You Contact Your Ex

Before you contact your ex there are certain rules you are going to have to abide by. These rules will definitely give you the best shot at winning him back. Lets take a look:

1. Controlling the conversation is key that means that you should always be the one who brings the conversation to a close, YOU WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.
2. Typically you want your ex to only think about the most positive experiences during your relationship.
3. You will need to get in touch with what you and your ex once had. What made you a successful couple? I recommend taking out a pen and paper and brainstorming.
4. You also have to know what he disliked about your relationships.
5. You have to know his likes and dislikes. (you can’t start talking about a band he hated and expect it to go well.)
6. Don’t expect him to be receptive of your messages right off the bat, it may take a while.
7. As a general rule the faster things move the worse off you are, TAKE THINGS SLOW.
8. DO NOT SPAM YOUR EX WITH TEXTS… if he doesn’t respond to your first one just wait a couple of days and try again.
9. You can’t come off as needy.
10. Be very patient.

First Contact Text Message 

first contact

First impressions are everything. You need to remember that. How you approach this first contact message is almost as important as the text messages later in this process. Why? Because, if you screw this part up you can kiss your chances of getting your boyfriend back goodbye. No pressure though.

Your main goal in this section is to just open up communication. Remember though, you want to be in control at all times. That means that YOU have to be the one to end the conversation. To make matters more complicated you can’t get into a full blown conversation with him yet. This is simply a small baby step that you are using to test the waters and gauge where you are at.

Big No-No’s

  • This message is not about rekindling the sexual flames (NOT A BOOTY CALL)
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to be a cure all text that repairs the relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • Don’t make your ex think too much.

The First Contact Rules

  • You have to be positive
  • You have to be confident
  • Again, don’t expect anything.
  • NO ONE WORD TEXTS (each message has to have a point.)
  • The messages can’t be too long.
  • You should try to create a message that is so interesting it is impossible for your ex boyfriend not to respond.

BAD Examples Of First Contact Texts

One Word Texts-

“hey…”

“Hello”

“What’s Up”

“Hi”

You get the gist here I hope.

GOOD Examples Of First Contact Texts

For a couple who both love Harry Potter.

first contact 1

For a couple who both loved eating out.

first contact 2

What To Do If You Get A Positive Response

Using the Harry Potter Example Above:

good example of a text first contact

A few things you should take note of. The conversation was friendly, short and ended on a good note. This is what you definitely should aim for. Your ex should be thinking about the text for days!

Since things went positively you can contact them again in a few days and talk for a little bit longer. However, the conversation can’t be too much longer and YOU have to end it first.

What To Do If You Get A Neutral Response

Neutral responses are typically the one word responses that I hate so much:

“Thxs”
“Great”
“Interesting”

Here is how you should handle a neutral reaction

neutral first contact text

Basically it is the same type of a response as a positive one. You end the conversation first, blah blah blah.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

Negative responses do not feel good at all. It really sucks and can feel like the end of the world especially if you put a lot of work into getting your ex boyfriend back. Your best bet in these situations is to simply not respond at all and understand that your ex is still processing their emotions. It doesn’t necessarily mean that all hope is lost it just means you may need to be more patient and try again in a week or so.

Remembering The Good Times

Alright, assuming you successfully engaged your ex boyfriend and got a decent response you can move on to this section. I’ll admit that you will have a distinct advantage here if you had a long relationship and made a lot of great memories. If your relationship was brief then this part of engaging your ex may be a little bit more challenging. However, that doesn’t mean anything bad it just means you might have to get more creative.

First things first, this is not the part where you are going to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, many of the same rules that I talked about above apply here.

Big No-No’s

  • This text is not intended to be a “booty call.”
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • This is not meant to cure your entire relationship.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.

The main thing you are trying to do with “remembering the good times” is to get them to think about the most positive aspects of your previous relationship. This means that you are going to have to be as positive as you possibly can.

Think of it this way, if you do this set of messages correctly then you have a good chance of getting your ex to feel the same feelings you are feeling and they will start to remember how great your times together were.

What To Say

When you write your text message to him you are going to have to go into details instead of just writing something general. Let’s take a look at a few simple phrases to further explore this point:

Alright, lets say that I was trying to get an ex girlfriend back and I had made it this far into the step by step process I am outlining here. I took out a sheet of paper and wrote down what I thought our best couple experiences were together. For the sake of this page lets say that me and my ex had an experience where we were watching a football game outdoors and it was really cold. She was getting very cold so I offered her my jacket.

Now, what do you think would be better to write:

Choice 1: “Hey do you remember when I let you borrow my jacket at the football game?”

or

Choice 2: “Do you remember the night where I loaned you my jacket at the football game? I was freezing in my little t-shirt but you held my hand the entire time. I liked that quality about you.”

If you said Choice 2 then you would be correct.

The more details you can give the better you will do. Remember, this has to be an experience that your ex enjoyed as well as you. Lets look at some examples.

GOOD Examples Of Remembering The Good Times

Example of Fun Experience:

good example 1

Example of Bonding Experience

good example 2

Sometimes asking your ex a question can work well to get them to remember a good experience. (Remember your question has to be aimed at getting them to feel something positive.)

good example 3

What To Do If You Get A Positive/Neutral Response

More often than not if you have gotten this far in your conquest to get them back they are going to respond back positively. Except this time you are going to engage them in a conversation but make sure that you don’t go too fast. Remember, you still have to be the one to end the conversation first. Lets look at how a conversation like this might play out using an example from above:

remembering the good times text

What To Do If You Get NO Response

Ok, so you sent out your text to remind them of the good ole days where the two of you were as thick as thieves but they haven’t responded yet. First off, it isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes people get busy and don’t have time to respond right away. Waite a few days before you jump to any conclusions.

If you haven’t heard anything from them yet and it has been past a couple of days then this could mean a couple of things. They are either extremely excited by the prospect of moving forward with things and they can sense that you are trying to move things along but this also makes them extremely nervous.

They could be scared by you progressing things along.

Whatever the case is just simply take things down a notch and start a few more harmless text messages where you just make first contact.

What To Do If You Get A Negative Response

You have spent a month not contacting your ex. You spent that entire time working on yourself becoming more and more confident as the days past. Everything seemed to be going fine until you hit your first road block with a negative response. Make no mistake about it, negative responses are never good. However, they don’t EVER mean that you should give up right away. It just means you have to be smarter about how you approach things. Lets take a look at a negative response example (from my past) this is a true story.

negative remembering the good times response

Ouch! That definitely hurts. Nevertheless, if you get a response like this you just have to be polite, positive and collected. Remember, you are the one that has to be in control. You may have made one of the following mistakes:

A. You may have selected the wrong thing to remind him of. This isn’t horrible just give it some more time before you contact him again.

B. What you said to your ex made him uneasy…. Interesting. This just means you misread the situation and you moved a little to fast to start bringing up your relationship.

C. Maybe you caught your ex during the wrong day and you caught him at a bad time. Either way just give him some time to get his head together.

How To Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

This section is going to be controversial. That is a certainty. Some of you may not agree with this but everywhere I researched said that using your ex boyfriends jealousy to your advantage is one of the most powerful things you can do.

First, I think it is important to understand how jealousy can work to your advantage. Since I am a male I feel I can explain my genders feelings towards this particular topic. In my opinion I think it is ok to get jealous. However, I don’t think it is ok to get overly jealous. If your ex boyfriend would get jealous every time you would talk to another man or every time you went out then I would say you should really revisit your thinking on getting back together with him. Nevertheless, I want to tell you an interesting story about jealousy.

I have a friend (who wants to remain unnamed.) He ended up breaking up with his girlfriend of 5 months for some silly reason (I honestly never understood it.) Anyways, three months after their breakup she started dating a new guy. Immediately my friend called me up and wanted her back. He didn’t realize what he had until he saw her with another guy.

This is the power of jealousy. Now, I am NOT recommending that you go out and date someone new. I am recommending that you drop certain hints in your communication with your ex boyfriend that you are out meeting new people. The key to this is that YOU CAN’T BE OBVIOUS. Do you think you will get very far if you rub the fact that you are out and about with other guys? The answer is no. There is a subtle art to incorporating jealousy texts into your conversations and I am going to teach you that art.

The Rules

  • You have to be really careful because if this is done wrong then your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back drop drastically.
  • Gauge the situation and decide when the time is right.
  • You have to be discreet (If you say “So, I was with this really hot guy last night and he said….” your chances are pretty much done.)

The Art Of Using Jealousy

(Disclaimer: These only work if you actually do the things you are talking about. So, don’t make any situations up. How will it look if he goes to verify and finds out your lying about being out and about with another guy?)

Ok, the first tactic is from my own experience. I don’t have any research to back it up but I feel it will work because it worked on me. One thing that always made me a bit jealous (even though I never voice it) was when a girl I felt really strongly about has a bunch of pictures with a bunch of different guys on her Facebook profile. I know that sounds ridiculous but it legitimately made me like “Damn, that guy got to be in her presence.” Here is the key though, if I felt strongly about a girl (who was single) and I saw a bunch of pictures of her getting totally drunk and making out with a bunch of guys I will no longer feel strongly about her. In fact, I might lose interest entirely. So, I would say that your best bet would be to post innocent pictures with other guys. The key is to be really subtle about it but trust me if your man has a Facebook I promise you he will check your profile from time to time.

Don’t believe me?

I still check my ex girlfriends profile from high school. He is going to check yours so you better be prepared.

Using Jealousy In Text Messages

Getting your guy jealous through a text message is quite easy.

Notice how I didn’t specify if this friend was a male or female. You just planted a seed of doubt in your ex boyfriends head and now he is going to wonder if you saw a romantic movie with a friend or with a date.

romantic movie text

Another popular way to get someone jealous is with the “hey did I see you at” type message. One of my good friends came up with this and I have to say it works extremely well.

jealousy (did I see you at)

Your ex boyfriend is thinking “I wasn’t at Sherlocks last night.” This is perfect because now he is going to read between the lines and see that you were checking out another guy that wasn’t him. Also in a way you are complimenting him. Jealousy text messages are interesting aren’t they?

The Heart To Heart Conversations

Alright, lets take a step back and look at how the game plan is progressing thus far.

Step 1- You sent a first contact text (got a positive/neutral response and kept the conversation short.)

Step 2- You finally started a real conversation with the “remembering the good times text message” (again the conversation was controlled by you.)

Step 3- You implemented a little bit of jealousy (You kept it subtle and got him thinking about you again as a potential relationship partner.)

Well, now you are going to implement a number of small heart to heart chats in various different ways that are going to change your fortune in a positive way.

Important Things To Remember

  • Don’t fall in the booty call trap.
  • You can’t get angry or upset.
  • You can’t expect anything (manage your expectations.)
  • Don’t try to fix everything at once.
  • Do not ask to meet up with your ex.
  • You have to remain positive.

IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to try these tactics in order (if possible) before you can move on to the “Taking THE Risk” section.

Tactic 1- Reminder Reminder

One of the little things I always love about relationships that are going well is how you are constantly helping each other remember things. This tactic is no different and can definitely earn you some huge brownie points if you remind him about something he forgot. Lets look at a few examples.

(Ex who watches the same T.V. show that you do)

reminder message

(Ex who has a family members birthday coming up)

reminder message 2

Tactic 2- Showing Your Support

This tactic may be a little harder to implement because it can sometimes depend on the situation that your ex is currently in. Basically you are going to bring up a stressful event very gently and show that you are going to be supportive no matter what with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. This has to be completely genuine otherwise you are better off not saying anything at all.

(Ex with family who just died.)

grandmother text

(Ex preparing for a test or exam.)

test text

(Ex who gets injured)

heal up

Tactic 3- Complimenting Your Ex Boyfriend

This tactic is a little like flirting. The key to compliments are to work them in during your conversation over text. Knowing when to slip them in will depend on your gut feeling and the context of the conversation you are having. Here is a good example of a great compliment:

compliment 1

I know it may sound a little goofy but trust me this goofy stuff works. How do I know? Let’s put it this way. I still remember TO THIS DAY when a girl who sat in front of me in my high school class turned around and said “you have beautiful eyes.”

Compliments work!

Tactic 4- Value Your Ex

Tactic 4 is very similar to tactic 3. Except this time instead of slipping in a compliment during a conversation you are going to slip in something that you have always appreciated about your ex. Here is a great example of an appreciation text:

Your best bet here is to take out a sheet of paper and write down all of the things that you have ever appreciated about your ex so you have an inventory to dive in. Oh, and don’t write down just general things. Be as specific as possible.

Tactic 5- I Miss This

I don’t need to explain this one do I? Ok, basically this is a tactic where you tell your ex boyfriend what you miss about your relationship. Be careful though because these messages need to be worded properly or your screwed.

value your ex

It is essential that you talk about experiences that your ex enjoyed. A lot of people screw up because they only talk about stuff that they miss. Make sure you are talking about stuff that your ex misses as well. Here is a good example of how this should be done.

i miss you text

Notice how the text above was super specific and brings up good memories for both parties. That is what you are aiming for.

Taking THE Risk

taking-risk

Wow I can’t believe how much I have written. I just checked and this is getting close to 10,000 words. Ok, we are very close to the end here. This section is all about taking a big risk. More specifically, setting up a date with your ex boyfriend for the first time since your break up. All the experts have a different view of how this should be done. The truth of the matter is that if you played pretty close to the game plan I laid out for you, your ex boyfriend will probably have suggested to meet up IN PERSON by now. However, if he didn’t don’t worry, I have a plan for you!

(Disclaimer: Only implement THE Risk plan outlined below if he hasn’t suggested to meet up and you sense that you two are wanting to get close to a physical connection.)

It’s time to take the kids gloves off ladies! NO MORE TEXTING! At least for this part.

The Plan

You are going to call him with the intention of only going out for a small get together. The key here is to be non threatening. Your ex boyfriend might not be as receptive to meeting you somewhere extravagant and out of his way.

Examples of good places for a meet up: lunch, coffee, etc (lunch is better than dinner.)

Guidelines For The Call

The phone call needs to seem innocent
Plan your phone call when you know that your ex boyfriend will have a moment to talk privately.
You want the phone call to be very pleasant, positive and short.
DO NOT bring up any bad memories from the past.
Don’t act desperate.
Manage your expectations.
NEVER CALL MORE THAN ONCE A DAY.
Don’t leave a voice mail if he lets his phone go to it.

Two Ways To Make The Call

I researched a lot on this section and discovered there are two types of very different methods to making this important phone call. The first method is the “I was in the neighborhood” and the second is the “week in advance.” I don’t have any bias towards either method so I leave the choice on which one to use entirely up to you.

Tactic 1- I Was In The Neighborhood…

This one is risky and may not get you a yes to a meet up but it allows you the ability to try again later whereas the method below this one pretty much lays your cards on the table. Ok, the way this works is simple:

You: Hey Jake, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it might be fun to catch up. Would you like to meet at Starbucks?

Again, this is risky since there is a higher chance of him saying no. However, if you two were really making a lot of progress via texting and you really think he is feeling the same way you are about your current relationship then the “I was in the neighborhood method” may do the trick for you. The obvious advantage is that you get an instant date/meet up!

Tactic 2- Week In Advance

The week in advance method is just like it sounds. You call him a week in advance and ask him out. The obvious advantage to this is that he has time to clear his schedule and make time for you ;). The obvious disadvantage is that you are laying a lot of your cards on the table and rejection will certainly hurt your feelings. Speaking of rejection…

What To Do If He Says No

Don’t panic. He will probably say something like

“Uhh…. I don’t know.”

If so…

Just chuckle and nonchalantly say “It’s only coffee” or “come on it’s only lunch” usually that “umm I don’t know” will turn into an “okay”

If he still says no then don’t panic. Even if you are tempted to

Beg,
Get Angry
Rehash arguments
Fly Off The Handle

Gracefully accept his no, say goodbye and end the conversation on good terms. This will leave the door open for more communication.

The Meet Up

the meet up

Yes, there are certain rules even for your mini date/meet up or whatever you want to call it. As stated above, you want to keep this meet up as casual as possible. Don’t plan to meet over a nice dinner. I suggest getting coffee at Starbucks with chairs and couches where the two of you can just sit and talk. Another great idea would be to meet up at a park and go for a walk together. Honestly, the dates I have enjoyed the most wasn’t anything super romantic it was just when I was enjoying the company of someone else and walking around.

Some experts recommend that you go out for a beer or something like that. Personally I am not against that I would just recommend not to drink too much. The last thing you want is to creep your ex boyfriend out by confessing your undying love. The key is to just do something that the two of you will both enjoy where you can have fun and talk.

Avoid being too romantic. Just have open and honest communication. Hopefully at the end of the meet up your ex boyfriend will want to see you again. If so, YOUR IN!

What To Do After The Date

Ok, I just added this section in from my own personal experiences from dating girls. One of the things I enjoy most is when they are the ones to text me first afterwards. I love it when they text me something like:

“Today was really fun.”

Women who do that are always off to a great start in my book. Good luck!

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4,714 Responses to How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
  1. C. Moon
    September 2, 2014 | 2:30 am

    My ex didn’t call me, didn’t text me, the only way he did was if I didn’t text him for 3-4 days. Then he was all “just checking in”. When I went over to his place it was for 2-3 days at a time and he came over maybe once a week if it fit into his schedule. The reason I stayed over more was because there was actual talking and conversation involved. If not I’d got nothing. At the beginning of the summer I asked for a 50/50 I see you, you see me and he told me that once I said that, it felt more like a chore than a desire to come see me. All I wanted was to see him. There was this time at the beginning of the summer where we didn’t see each other for 2 2/12 weeks so of course I’d address the issue. Then he went on about how he couldn’t see me every day god damn it I didn’t want to see him every day I just wanted like “hey good morning ” or “thinking of you” or just a plain “how have you been” I never got it. He didn’t take effort in things I enjoy. I am not very keen on baseball, though I learned a lot and started to appreciate a bit… I went to the majority of his games, but I did get annoyed with him once and told him I hated he game, bad move on my part I guess. I wanted to watch a movie with him a couple of weeks ago, a sci-fi movie and he left to go read his baseball book. Well that made me feel great I respect his sister a lot she organized a going away concert in which she performed in every number along with her family and friends. I wasn’t invited to perform and it hurt pretty bad going to a concert where you have the impression that you’re not good enough. I felt I wasn’t good enough on multiple occasions, maybe that is why I tried so hard. People after asked me “Why didn’t you sing? Are you still going out with him?” And after I was invited to a BBQ that was really hard to attend because of how I felt but I kept my attitude in check. His family thought it was absolutely ridiculous that I was hurt about this situation. His sister had another going away party this time American themed. I was invited of course by her. But with all the crap going on between my ex and I asked him if he wanted me there. He said I don’t know. So I asked him again later, same answer. After a couple of tries he said “if you can forget all of our problems for a night you can come” and I was all ‘I can do that” and then he said “but you can’t be sour in anyway. I’d there is a game you don’t like pretend to like it, if someone says something that offends you don’t react, if someone insults you as a joke, brush it off” I mean I can keep myself in check if I am hurt or if something bothers me… but if someone insults me I have to take it like an idiot and not defend myself? You don’t say that to a person, you don’t invite them into your home on condition. I would not have even done that to someone I hate. I asked for something in return if I was to obey his conditions at the party. I asked him at the end of the night, that he would follow me to bed. He then went into a “what does it matter if you go to bed and then I go 30-45 mins later?” I said it was important to me but it didn’t really matter. So when I called him he gave me silence than an unenthusiastic “yes” like I was ruining his fun. You know me, I mean I don’t go to bed early. And he said why does there need to be a time, (I gave an example of 11;30-midnight) I said it was just an example, there wasn’t a time. I just needed to know that he would follow me… that was the other reason i didn’t go. He didn’t want to follow me. Anyway I took that as a real sign that he didn’t want me there. That wasn’t a yes. I told him to make his life easier I wouldn’t go. Then all communication has been cold from his side. His family thought that request was utterly ridiculous. But I was getting nothing, no time I wanted just a little time. Then he said that everything isn’t always about me I god damn know that. But I put him first. Before me, there was music, baseball, the sister he adores, family, his mother’s orders, umpiring, job, then me. I told him that I didn’t feel like a priority several times and he didn’t do anything. One of my by friends said it appears that he thinks I become sour around him, but if he would have worked a bit. other say because his is his first relationship he doesn’t know how to be in one, others say I deserve better and they don’t know why I put up with it

    I never really had he concept of family. So when I told that to him and he welcomed me I to his. He told me is mom said whoever he loves they will love, consider my sisters yours. I became attached. And for all this to be cut from my life along with the one I love is something terribly hard. Why must a relationship be on his time alone? I mean all I wanted was something in return on my time. The only time that was worthy enough was at his house and an activity with his family. Like his schedule this semester he has two early mornings and I was all “I get to see him and do stuff with him on my time because he’ll get more time to sleep. He said I am trying to find out which night is more worth it. I wasn’t worth it? I posted things on Facebook the last 2 weeks because it is helping me cope. According to him his mother almost contacted me to stop. She said they were out of line. I have asked other people what they think of the posts and they say they are necessary and inspirational. Anyway I actually apologized to his mom. I said I that I was sorry if j did anything she considered irrational, that I really loved her so and this is extremely hard for me. I was ignored. She saw it and answered it is really hard on him to but he has to make his own choices in life and that I was lovely and that she wished me well. What did I do wrong to not even be addressed? In some way I feel used. I don’t understand. Why do you leave if you still love the person? Did I ask for too much? But how can I follow something that isn’t equal? I sort of wised he lied, because I have hope because of that. I felt great, real love when I held him or he held me, but I didn’t know how to feel that way all the time. I used to feel that way all the time. He used to be there. Everything changed after Christmas when I over stayed my welcome at his house and he payed more attention to be than his family. His mom talked to him and said family is important and I slowly wasn’t a priority anymore and by summer.

    His mom didn’t answer me until after 4/5 days after I apologized her He denies anything concerning his family. He is blind to the real situation I have tried to tell him. My teacher says he will never have a successful relationship until he realizes. His 2nd eldest sister isn’t in music but in travel. She actually has a 50/50 relationship going on and it drives because she misses some “crucial” family time to be with her boyfriend and my ex and his mom nuts. His mom said it was like they were living on their own while her house became lodging. She is your daughter for god sake let her grow up, it didn’t really bother his eldest sister that just left for Indiana, which left him heartbroken because they are really close, or their dad. He obeys his mom like a puppy. He was on the path of growth until his mother stunted it during Christmas break. This doesn’t help that he is 5 years younger than me.

    There is girl that they took under their wing since she was 5, she finally moved in when she turned 18. I never really trusted her because my ex and she get along so well. He considers her as his sister but I just have this funky feeling that they will end up together. Sounds harsh but his mom would like that; it wouldn’t bring toxic into their little club. I told him I was uncomfortable with her and he just didn’t understand how I didn’t see her as his sister. This all comes from his mom though. Like my ex doesn’t do so well in his general education classes but is phenomenal in music. The expectation to “do your best” more like be perfect is crazy especially in music. I caught him crying once because he got a 97 on a theory final and he was disappointed and said he could do better? And now since his eldest sister is in Indiana for her masters, my ex has been promoted to everything she did. Teaching music theory at a music school on Saturdays, all her piano students and the biggest thing that I think he might fail at because he is not his sister, musical director of her choir. He has no experience in choir direction at all and it was placed upon him. He hasn’t seen any of his friends from school all summer and I mean I saw his eldest sister go out for lunch go out with friends and be back in time for dinner or not too late And well his second eldest sister pretty much has a 50/50 committed relationship going on like I said so she sees her friends a couple of times and is mostly with her boyfriend and since this girl moved in they complain that they see less of her now than then she lived with her mom and came over to visit. She is always out with her friends or work.

    I went to so many places for answers and I didn’t get any just lots of advice. I did the no contact rule until school started again. that was for about 2 1/2 weeks. I gave him a coffee as a peace offering on the second day of school and said I wanted a form a closure. So… after all that he gave me 3 weeks of anxiety and false hope. I thought he still had feelings so Friday I did this. I wanted to talk to him and he knew it so I tried to catch him off guard. It didn’t work. I was trying to make him want me again and it didn’t work. I said I wanted to talk and go out for coffee. But instead I took him to all the places where we had our best times and I tried to make him see what we had. I tried to make it fun. He was unimpressed and unresponsive. By our last stop, our bench at the theatre where he officially asked me out. I was discouraged by this point and my cute plan of drawing a circle on a piece of paper saying we have come full circle didn’t happen and I told him I was going to do that, but by his reactions he would probably find it useless instead of romantic. I pulled out a note he wrote to me last Christmas. It said that he didn’t know how someone as talented and beautiful as me actually wanted to date him, how he was in disbelief and overjoyed. How I was his lover and best friend and how much he loved me. He looked at me and said that he didn’t feel that way anymore, that he didn’t regret his decision, he is happier than he has ever been and that he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I asked him when he fell out of love and he said he didn’t know. He said the day he broke up with me, he went to bed feeling relived that I wasn’t in his life like that anymore. Yet he still said he loved me when we broke up to which he said there is a difference between being in love and loving someone. He lead me on, giving me false hope that he still loved me and that circumstance just didn’t allow. I explained the stages of relationship and he just sat there saying that he predicted everything I was going to say and yet he still let me think that entire journey through the city that there was maybe something there. He told me he went along with it because he wanted to believe I wasn’t lying to him, that I really wanted closure and not to get back together. he knew I still loved him.

    When he left me and I had some answers, I went into a panic attack. I couldn’t believe he had fallen out of love with me. I sent texts of really raw emotion. I regret sending them, I feel that blew my chance. He sees me as dependent. “I might go off the grid. I haven’t felt this much pain in a long time. I fear I might fail this semester if I continue school. I am very close to dropping it, I have thought about this for about a week. This is just too much for me. You might not see me. I wish you nothing but the best because above anyone else you deserve it, I love you goodbye. Just be grateful for your family, because I considered them mine and I lost them. You never know when you might”

    His family thinks that I am immature, that I didn’t act my age around him. But there was no maturity to bounce off of. I didn’t really use my head and went with my heart the entire time because well I fell deep and it was deeper than I ever fell before. So I guess that could be what they saw. I mean everyone knew we were dating, so we acted like a couple, you know holding hands, snuggling on the couch, him putting his arm over me during desert when we had supper. But his family said it was too much affection in ‘public’ … erm, you mean private? It was his house for god sake… it wasn’t like we were making out 24/7. When his mother talked to him at Christmas about how we should act more the friends around people it took a good month and a half for him to even put his hand on my knee in front of his parents like a supper or something. Is that too much affection?
    And well I lost myself completely with this guy. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I wasn’t the same me. I even went to therapy for him. He is fabulous musician. I was trying to see myself worthy for him and not comparing myself to him all the time. People seemed to think it was because I wanted to be better than him or everyone, but I started to doubt myself and anytime he would do better, my self-worth for just went down. I was proud of him, I just didn’t show it or just got mad and it came off badly.

    He never made me feel sexy and I always wondered why. I lost my confidence and fun side. I wasn’t spontaneous anymore because he wanted everything planned. He blamed me for asking too much of him when I gave my everything. He couldn’t even call, he couldn’t even come over, and he was too busy. It’s like I was trying to fit their mold. But I didn’t succeed and they shut me out He is influenced heavily by his mother and she said, “She’s lovely, but she isn’t the girl for you” Everyone I have asked for advice says “Maybe he isn’t right for you” but not a direct statement, they leave me to choose. he didn’t talk to me for a week before he broke up with me, I tried and I got very, very small talk and his answer was always, ” I need time” My good friend, my voice teacher, knows the family and says they are toxic, not the one’s who come in from outside. They just don’t see that. And that family holds my voice teacher in high regards.
    Last night I spoke to him on how to actually break up with someone clearly. That I don’t want anyone else to go through what he made me go through. It was my 6th relationship and it was his first so I consider it normal I suppose.

    And still, after all of this, I want him back. Are my chances gone?

    • C. Moon
      September 2, 2014 | 2:34 am

      Well I haven’t felt sexy since April/May of this year… to be honest. We started dating October 2013.

    • C. Moon
      September 2, 2014 | 2:44 am

      The beginning paragraph explains a month before the break up… ahhh I can’t even get my thoughts straight :(

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 2:28 pm

      I am not here to judge you on if you want him back or not. But I will say this. To me it seems like when you were with him he made you a worse version of yourself and not a better one…

  2. Ellie
    September 1, 2014 | 9:29 pm

    I have a massive thank you to make. I know you probably won’t remember, but I wrote on here almost a year ago about H and M, the two guys in my life.
    And yesterday, I fixed it. H (my guy), came back to me (M is long gone, the cheating, rapist bastard). He said that he missed me and he wanted to be friends again, but that all the old feelings were still there and that he still loved me. We’re taking it slow, testing the waters; a lot of awful stuff passed between us and he’s a little nervous of it happening again. As are all of our friends because they don’t get the intense connection we have! We’re both nervous, but I definitely have my friend back and for that I thank you so, so much. I don’t know if I couldn’t have done it without studying the relevant pages of your blog!
    I put him in no contact (because it was really him to start it, I felt he had to end it), and after months of not speaking at college but seeing each other at friend’s parties and at work, we started talking again.
    Eventually, after seeing how I’d changed into a decent human being, he accepted his feelings of wanting me back and here we are!
    I think I even managed to become a UG from the amount of male friend who suddenly found me attractive…
    Thank you so, so much! I am definitely recommending your blog and techniques to any of my friends in need!!

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 1:46 pm

      Wow, you are so welcome. So happy to hear this!!

      Made my day.

  3. Anna
    September 1, 2014 | 7:25 pm

    My breakup is only a week old and me and him have been talking everyday since then, even saw each other twice. (Since we broke up, he still would hold my hand, kiss my forehead and even kissed my lips goodbye, which confuses me deeply)
    Is it too late to start the no contact rule? (We broke up due to the fact he wasn’t “happy” in the relationship, we dated for nine months, I assume he was getting bored or something)

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 1:32 pm

      Not to late at all.

  4. Christine
    August 31, 2014 | 11:18 pm

    Hello Chris… Im Christine, from Sweden and – you are my last hope, nobody seems to get what im dealing with so, please..

    A year ago, I met my true love, click, bang, boom and we were insanely in love. I’m 25, he likewise.

    But .. early in the relationship, I showed destructive behavior in the form of jealousy, telling little lies and all that you get in a package of being a person with low self-esteem. We fought atleast once a week, for a year. But.. aside from that we had a beautiful chemistry and relationship over all. My best friend and love.

    But – a month ago, the final bomb came, he said – seek help otherwise we are completely over. I said – Ok, I will look for help. The bomb struck down not only in our relationship, but for me, as an awakening to, damn .. I have to deal with myself.

    So, I looked for private help and found a really good therapist and only got to see the therapist one time before my boyfriend left me, he slammed on the brakes, said that “this is the end, for good, but I love you, you are my true love, I’m crazy in love .. but you make me sick and anxious and I promise that I will never have a relationship with you ever again. ”

    The next two weeks we saw each other sporadically, camped out in the woods, ate dinner, had cozy evenings at home, playing video games ..then he went silent for a week. I broke the silence and called him, we met up last weekend when I called him and wanted to talk.
    Talk about? Yes, I simply wanted to apologize for my behavior, how all my inner anger passed over him, how I behaved downright wrong. We met and communicated as never ever. In five hours, we were at his place and listened, understand, spoke, respected. Absolutely fantastic. Which ended with awesome sex .. uf.

    The following day we woke up, lying in bed and talking good again .. then I mentioned our relationship and he ”woke up from of a bubble,” and told me that he will never have a relationship with me again. My therapist calls on the cell phone, I answer and we booked the new session. When I hung up my ex says he wants to follow me to the next session ….. but only as a friendly gesture (point out this hard!) (?)
    My ex drove me home in his car, saying that “we need to stop being intimate now, we will never get back together” then he kisses me and drove away.

    So om aug 14th, he accompanied to my therapist, gave his opinion of me, and how we had it in the relationship – which is good for my work and my therapist to understand me more. In the middle .. he started crying .. never seen this. He cried when he talked about his feelings for me.

    But he certainly claimed 5 times during the session that “we will never have a relationship again, She will not hear from me again .. but I love her, is just here as a friend now,” he confidently said like that 100 times over the last month now.. who is he trying to convince, anyway? He said he could go on MAXIMUM three sessions more with me then I get to go on my own. My therapist says “we do not need more, thanks.”

    So when we were done with the session my ex turns to me and says ”I would be happy to hear from you…” and walked away …….

    Whats going on?

    I love the man with all my heart, but I’m not ready for a relationship with him now, even if he wanted, but when I am .. do you think he can change his mind? He is not responsive to feelings now.

    I have made tremendous progress in a short time with my therapy, my self esteem comes on and I’ve never felt like this strongly positive before. I’m on my way to something really good!

    Ps. Haven’t heard from him since that last day and I haven’t made any form of contact..

    Love,

    Christine

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 12:29 pm

      Did he give any more reason for the breakup than what you mentioned here?

  5. Caroline
    August 29, 2014 | 3:19 pm

    Hi! I continually read everything and your site is definitely the best! My ex BF & I dated on and off for 2 years. It was a whirlwind and in retrospect we probably moved too fast. We had both come from serious long-term relationships that lacked passion. We had a ton of passion and things in common, and overall had a very loving relationship. He broke-up with me 6-7 weeks ago. In the past we would end up back together in a few days, maybe even hours. This time, he had a new GF 2-3 weeks after we broke-up. I know it is a rebound but it doesn’t make me feel any better. She is new to town so they spend all their time together which was his #1 complaint with our relationship. I was always busy so we only saw each other a couple times a week. When we first broke-up I did the worst things; I texted, emailed, called, online stalked him and his new GF. I would profess my love then tell him I hate him! For a while he would respond half the time saying; “we both need space”, “you will find happiness. You are a great person”, regarding our possible future “I do love…This is still fading, I do care, and you know I hate saying never what if I wondered what you are up to?”. I told him that is insulting to me and his new GF. I finally gained some control of myself and stopped talking to him. Then 2 weeks of NC, he messaged me in an online game forum we both play. We messaged only in the game about the game, I’d even wait 12-24 hrs to respond. Then randomly he messaged about a song that they played at a concert he just went to, that I used to like. I didn’t respond. Then 4 days later he messaged about how he had to get a new phone battery. I wasn’t going to respond but then just said “ok…” to that he responded “yup sorry, didn’t need to tell you that i guess” and “yea, maybe a lil weird lol. I’ll stop”. I texted him asking if I needed a new battery. I wanted to get us back to texting instead of using the game forum to communicate…which I’m assuming he used because it’s safer? I do still love him a ton and am scared that he will actually stop and not tell me anything anymore…now what? Do I go to NC? Do I need to stop playing the online game? I’m confused as to why he would send me those irrelevant & useless messages? As for myself since the break-up; I work out every day, I’m doing well financially, I’m going to church and started volunteering again but I still feel so empty inside and I still want him back! Thank you for listening and any guidance…

    • Caroline
      August 29, 2014 | 3:30 pm

      I forgot to mention that his new GF is VERY similar to me; physically, career, and family…

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 12:06 pm

      What did he cite as the reason for his breakup?

  6. Rizza
    August 29, 2014 | 2:36 pm

    Hi…im so glad that i found this since i am so much broken right now..my fiance and i broke up a couple of days ago with a reason that it wasnt me but him..that he do not know what to do..that he likes me and love me but there is something missing and he dont know why that he need space for himself..what hurts most is that we used to be super happy and sweet before that day we just had small argumentation jealousy on both sides early that day and with just that reason he broke up with me…i am still here in his house but im planning to move to my friend soon as she arrives from her vacation. I love this guy so much and i dont want to loose him..i want him back…i really love him….what is the best thing for me to do???i hope you can help me..waiting for your reply.God bless always

    • admin
      September 2, 2014 | 12:01 pm

      Best thing to do is follow the directions scattered throughout this site and on this page.

  7. Elena
    August 27, 2014 | 3:41 am

    Hello my name is Elena, I broke up with my ex over two years ago. I still love him very much. He is currently dating someone of over a year now. I want to implement this guide in order to see if I can get him back. He is the love of my life. We had a great relationship, yet we broke up for some reasons, however we had a very bad break up he was my first bf. I made many mistakes and made more when I found out he had a gf. I was devastated and didn’t know how to react when I found out. Would anyone other than Chris be able to help me with this? I’d appreciate it so much! THank you!

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 12:29 pm

      You dont want my help :(

  8. Anna
    August 26, 2014 | 11:51 pm

    Hi. Where do I start my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me. He said you know “its not you its me” phase he said he still want to be friends and talk to me but he seems like he doesn’t give a damn about me. This bits a bit personal but oh well I told him I haven’t had my period this month and his reply was “your not pregnant.so stop pushing it” so I just left it cause I didn’t really know what to say to it. I still love him to bits he said he needs time to think about us but he keeps telling me to go out and look for Another boyfriend. And the truth is I love him to bits he was always there for me and he said he would always be there now I feel like he doesn’t give a flying monkey about me. I stupidly told him how much I love him and he told me he need time by himself for a while.what should I do xx

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 12:20 pm

      Have you entered into NC yet?

  9. MaraS
    August 26, 2014 | 3:22 pm

    Hey Chris,
    I’ve read most of your website and I’m having trouble with one major thing. My ex and I were off and on all through college. There were really bad aspects of our relationship and really good aspects. He would break it off and come back every time (we broke up about 3x total) and I’ve always waited at least a month before contacting after a break up… if at all. He ended it when we graduated 2 months ago, but we’ve ended up in the same city (for school and work respectively).
    My questions are, what is you opinion on on and off ex’s (do they follow the same rules/are they as likely to come back)? Also, if I were to try to get him back (I want to but I want to make sure I can let any resentment go) what timeline would you suggest?
    Thanks for all your advice,
    Mara
    p.s. he texted me exactly 30 days after NC saying “hope you’re well” and referencing a movie we watched. I texted him a week later and got a so-so response. It’s been a month since then

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 11:52 am

      I think on and off is never a good thing because it means someone is willing to use “breaking up” as a way to get what they want and I also think feelings get ruined a little bit if it happens to often. (Your feelings.)

      • MaraS
        August 28, 2014 | 3:07 pm

        Thanks Chris and yeah, I’ve never really understood the underlying reasons for the break ups (never because of a fight) so I think it’s hard to let it go because I believe we can work (and know but don’t really understand why he doesn’t think we can).

        Also I know you said never delete your ex of facebook but if I decide to follow the “get over him” path does it matter as much (would it be super immature of me too delete him)? I’m not someone who believes in being friends with your ex until you have had ample (many months/years) time to get over each other so I wouldn’t be looking to stay in contact via social media/at all.

        Basically, what’s your opinion on girls who delete their exes off of social media pages when trying to get over them?

        Thanks again for all your advice! It’s cool to get a guys perspective on this stuff/a perspective that doesn’t immediately say “Forget about him, boys suck!”

        • admin
          August 29, 2014 | 11:52 am

          No if you decide to get over him I would say you can delete him on Facebook.

  10. Lisa
    August 26, 2014 | 2:39 pm

    Hi I was with my partner for 4 years and lived together for the last 2. We both came to the agreement that he would move out for lots of reason but basically we wasn’t having any fun no more. We stayed in contact for the first month then completely broke up. Since then he has come and stayed the night twice but the last time we both really missed each other and told each other that we was still in love. However after he left and within a couple of days I started to feel things weren’t right so I honey trapped him on a dating web site that I knew he was on and of course he responded and gave out his number. I told him that I had done this and ended it. I deeply miss him so much and want him back but he’s blocked me on the phone. Altogether he has been moved out for 3 months now but the last contact of this honey trap was 11 days ago. Today I’ve found out that he is seeing someone else and I’m so distraught over this. Do you think this plan will work for me?

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 11:48 am

      Well, were you two ever offically back together?

  11. Maria
    August 25, 2014 | 6:25 pm

    First of all, thank you very much for your time and your advices. My story is long, but it is summarized in 3 years of a wonderful relationship even with their ups and downs. I think that the things that deteriorated our relationship was the distance since I was studying away from home and also the routine in which we got caught . Five months ago I decided to break up with my ex. I made the decision because he did something that was very disrespect to another lady, his classmate and I was very ashamed and surprise of how immature he was behaving at that time. Even thou I was frustrated and disappointed I was positive that we were perfect for each other and that we were going to be able to overcome everything by having some time apart. Unfortunately in that moment I was again leaving the country to go to a review course for my boards and spent 2 months there. In all those months we kept separated without communication because during that time I thought we were having the time to think and reflect on us and then give us a new opportunity to begin a new and healthy relationship. About 6 weeks ago or so, I found out that he is in a relationship with a girl he met a year ago while doing his Masters. It has been extremely painful to find out that only a few days after our breakup he was already in a new relationship. Also I think that he was with her while having the relationship with me. He denies ir…off course! It is the hardest thing I’ve had to face in my entire life. In these weeks I’ve been trying to move on. I have to admit that I did the typical mistakes when dealing with a break up. I insulted him and it got ugly because he ended up blocking me from all the social media except instagram. For some reason he still wants to see my pictures. Then I sent an email apologizing and he answered me. He says that if he had known about my feelings sooner this would not be happening. So this is all my fault according to him. He says that he kept me in his mind, even his subconscious brings special memories and that I will always have a special place in his heart. All these words just confused me and destroy me at once. After I found out about his new relationship I did the 30 days no contact rule and after that I started to send him a few texts. I wrote 3 texts and he answer the third one. His response was neutral but positive. He even sent his greetings to my nephew who was very special to him. All this happened last week and I was very happy for his reply. But also that same week he makes public his relationship with her on facebook and he upload photos where he looks very happy. Now I don’t know what to do. He answer me but he seems to be happy. Should I continue texting or should I move on? Do you thing I have any chance? He has 5 months with her and Im afraid to do something that will hurt me even more. It has been so hard for me to move on because we had the most amazing three years together and still love him. We were engaged and also we were planing our future weeding and family. I don’t want to lose him but I feel I did. I want to know if his answer to my text means something or not…..I am so hurt and I want him in my life but I don’t want to keep hurting myself while he is happy with her. What should I do? Thanks for your help.

  12. Rebecca
    August 19, 2014 | 1:27 am

    Hi there. I’m not sure if this has been answered but how long should one wait in between contact points (i.e. first contact, second contact and so forth)?

    Thank you :)

    • admin
      August 19, 2014 | 2:30 pm

      Usually at the beginning 1-3 days but slowly but surely you want to get on a schedule where you are talking every day.

  13. Lulu
    August 18, 2014 | 10:13 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend of one year just broke up with me. He says he is not ready for a relationship, yet he keeps telling me he is so in love with me. He texts me still but I still feel the distance… What should I do?

    • admin
      August 19, 2014 | 2:29 pm

      How does he say it when he says he loves you?

  14. jem j
    August 18, 2014 | 1:58 pm

    hey, i just stumbled across this website and your advice looks great. you see i broke up with my boyfrend last year and he got together with another girl and hes still with her, but during that time he said to me we still have a chance in the future, he has gone on exchange over seas for a year and we havent talked about us for a while, i miss him all the time and it bugs me. im wondering if you think i should tell him i still miss him, or wait to see if they ever split up. i feel i cant move on until i know. thanks so much i hope u can help
    jem :)

    • admin
      August 19, 2014 | 2:00 pm

      I wouldn’t tell him that. Don’t do anything to make him think he can get you at this point. Men want what they can’t have. Remember that.

  15. jaylin
    August 16, 2014 | 1:20 am

    Please reply :(

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:36 pm

      Sure!

      How can I help?

  16. lorna
    August 15, 2014 | 6:44 pm

    Hey so me and my ex bf have been broken up 2 months now it was unexpected his excuse was he wanted to travel to australia with his friend only his friend is already gone with oit him, we were together 2 years we are eachothers first bf and gf, a week after we broke up he started sleeping and going on dates with a girl he works with, I found out and there was bad words between us, a wk and a half ago we met up and he asked if I was seeing anyone I said yes, he got freaked started looking like it hurt him and said he still loves me and she doesn’t compare to me, I held onto that and the next day asked would we try again, he said too much has happened that we should give up, we haven’t talked in a week but I really want him back 85% of the time we where good and had our arguments, any advice? Thank you!

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:23 pm

      Is he still currently with the girl he works with?

  17. electra
    August 14, 2014 | 11:49 pm

    My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me right before he left for a month long trip. We live together, so its complicated, Leasing, ect ext. When he returned he was behaving like nothing happened still flirty affectionate and wanting to go on dates and we did. I soon found out that he had started a few different dating accounts and I flipped out. I found it extremely disrespectful and inappropriate because we still live together and whats the rush why is acting desperate with these sites? He deactivated his accounts and apologized. Also he seemed to be trying to start things with me flirting hand holding ect .We had a nice few weeks when he returned and so I was priming him to talk about reconcilation but he declined. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. NO WAY thats going to happen. He left again for 3 weeks for some other obligation. I told him right before he left for the airport that I agree to the break up and will not pursue him any more and will start dating. He changed the subject and exchanged fair wells. I deleted him from all of my social media. Im thinking that I should implement the no contact. I just don’t know if that even makes a difference at this point.

    • electra
      August 19, 2014 | 7:23 pm

      ????

  18. Yara
    August 13, 2014 | 9:27 pm

    Dear Chris,

    Firstly, thank you very much for putting this together. I really enjoyed reading your guide and the points articulated make sense.

    My Question is:
    Do the get your boyfriend back if the two people are in two different but nearby countries??

    I met him while i was on a project with his company, we connected greatly, then we took it to the next step. few weeks after he seemed to push away. I overreacted and couldn’t handle him pushing away so he broke up with me. He has always been nice and gave a special goodbye before I left. I went on NC afterwards and i am on day 25 now. any advice on next steps?

    Thank you very very much!!

    • admin
      August 14, 2014 | 12:22 pm

      Is it a long distance type thing?

  19. Jordan
    August 13, 2014 | 5:30 pm

    Hi I really need your advice. My boyfriend and I well I guess now ex boyfriend and I were together for 3 years. We truly did love each other. He was going to purpose to me and everything an I would have said yes. Well I caught him talking to his ex. Nothing bad but this was a girl I told him he couldn’t talk to again because of issues I’ve had with her in the past. Well I was so hurt he broke my trust I broke it off with him and needed time to think. In that time he begged me back almost every day crying to me but I wasn’t ready yet. Now I’m ready and he’s found someone new. I’m so beyond heart broken thag I don’t even know what to do with myself. I begged him back for days and he just said he needed space and he doesn’t see us together right now. So we agreed not to talk to each other so he can have time to think about us. Do I still have a chance with him? Or did I lose him for good to this other girl.. When we said our goodbyes he told me he was still in love with me he just needed time but I don’t know if he’s just saying that to make me feel better so I will leave him alone. I’m so lost I need help :(

    • admin
      August 14, 2014 | 12:01 pm

      Wait, is he dating his ex?

      • Jordan
        August 14, 2014 | 3:30 pm

        No he’s not. This is a girl he met at the gym he goes too. He told me they aren’t anyhing right now he just has a crush on her and wants to get to know her.. And that hurts so bad. I just want him back more than anything. I truly love him with all my heart.

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