EBR 062: I Unfriended My Ex Boyfriend On Facebook… What Do I Do?

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

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It’s funny, I still remember the days when MySpace was a thing.

(If you don’t know what that is don’t worry, I got your back)

my-space

But then Facebook came along and took over as the social media giant!

And as the years ticked by and Facebook became more and more mainstream it started to work it’s way into relationships. Heck, I suppose I do owe Facebook a debt of gratitude because without it I wouldn’t have met my wife.

(FYI: we met on Facebook!)

Don’t believe me?

Well, here is our very first conversation ever,

screen-shot-2016-09-23-at-12-54-41-pm

Honestly it’s really funny looking back at it but I don’t want to get too off topic here.

As Facebook has worked it’s way into dating there are certain rules that you need to abide by if you want to achieve the maximum results with it.

And that leads us to today’s episode.

A few days ago a woman contacted me and asked a relatively simple question,

I have unfriended my ex on Facebook as a result of the advice of my friends but when I found your website I noticed that you advised against unfriending your ex. What am I supposed to do?

I’m not going to lie.

This is a question that I get all the time and in this episode I tackle it!

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I’ve got about 300 more Facebook testimonials just like this.

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Video Of Episode 62 (I Unfriended My Ex Boyfriend On Facebook…)

Let me know in the comments what you think of this episode. I love getting feedback from you guys. What are we doing right? What are we doing wrong?

Please, let us know.

The Situation At Hand

  • The breakup was relatively recent
  • Anonymous (the woman who called in to the podcast) says that his reasoning for the breakup was that work was a big issue
  • He claims “he’s feeling lost.”
  • Her friends suggested that she should unfriend him on Facebook
  • So she did just that
  • She is currently in the midst of a no contact rule
  • She wonders if she should “friend” him on Facebook again

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • Facebook is a tool that you can use during the no contact rule
  • In fact, all social media is a tool that you can use
  • The uninformed giving advice
  • Taking what your friend say with a grain of salt
  • The stereotypes that society has about getting an ex back
  • An embarrassing story about me
  • What you should do now that you have unfriended your ex

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Interview Transcript:

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Hey there and welcome to another episode of the exboyfriend recovery podcast.

As always, excited to have you here. I feel like a broken record every time I start one of this episodes. It’s like the go to phrase. I probably should switch it up a bit huh?

Anyways we have really, really good episode playing for you today because we’re going to be talking about social media which is something that’s gained a lot of steam and popularity in our specific niche. So, the thing we’re going to talk about specifically is Facebook and we had a woman call in and asked a really, really simple question but I have a lot to say about it.

I have a pretty really, maybe a little embarrassing story to tell you about it. So, stay tuned for that and let’s just not beat around the bush today. Let’s just get right to it.

Lets’ hear the woman’s question who called in about Facebook.

Anonymous

Anonymous

My boyfriend and I recently broke up because he wasn’t able to be in a relationship right now due to work and work stress and saying that he’s feeling lost.

As per my friend’s request or suggestions, I unfriended him on Facebook. I read your article just about an hour ago about how I should not have done that. I don’t even know if he and I can get back together and by the way I am doing the no contact right now.

And if there’s–should I– I don’t know what to do about Facebook. If you could help me, do I just let it go and re-friend him after the 30 day no contact rule? I would appreciate your guidance.

Thanks.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Alright. Well, I’m really glad you brought this question is up because it’s a question that I get a lot.

As you can imagine we have a half a million people coming to exboyfriend recovery every single month and every single day we get this exact question where you have unfriended your exboyfriend on Facebook or he’s unfriended you and you don’t know how to go about it. So, that’s what I’m going to do for you today. I’m going to tell you exactly what you should do and I also have some thoughts and like I said an embarrassing story to tell you.

So, first up, let’s do a quick recap of your situation. You called in and you didn’t give your name. So, I’m just going to assume that you want to remain anonymous.

You have just went through a break up so, it’s a very, very recent which is an important thing to note because generally speaking the longer you are away from your break up and the longer you haven’t had a real conversation with your ex, the harder it is to get him back.

He says that work was the biggest issue and he couldn’t really have a relationship because of his work. He was feeling lost blah, blah, blah.

We’ve all heard that story and your friends suggested that you do something really interesting I suppose. I’ll put it that way. Your friends suggested that you should unfriend him on Facebook. So, you did. You unfriended him on Facebook and then you read my article and you saw that I said not to do that and now you kind of find yourself between a rock and a hard place.

You don’t know what to do.

Should you re-friend him? Should you wait until after the no contact rule which you mentioned that you just started to try to refriend him and you also had a really interesting question. I think really the gist of this, you want to kind of gauge your chances of getting him back. So, we’ll talk a little bit about that.

Alright, so the first that thing that I want to really cover is your friends.

So, your friends gave you some very poor advice. Now, everyone knows that if you’ve coming to my website, reading my website, that I am big on staying friends with your ex after social media because statistics have shown that your ex will probably snoop around your Facebook or your Twitter or whatever other social, Snapchat or whatever other, Instagram– I keep thinking of them, of new social medias as I’m talking.

Well, chances are your ex is probably going to snoop around those and you can kind of control the narrative and control what he sees and that’s an important thing to do because not only can you project the way you want to be projected to him. It also will give you some quiet confidence I’ve found but your friends gave you some bad advice and I’m really actually glad that you brought this up because this is something that I see a lot of.

I have dedicated about half a decade to researching break ups and trying to understand the male psyche and what goes through his mind during a break up and why he acts the way he acts. I suppose, if you look at it from a bird’s eye view, I am what you would call a very informed individual when it comes to break ups. It’s something that I deal with pretty much everyday of my life for the last 5 years.

Now, your friends do not have that ability. They are uninformed when it comes to break ups and the interesting thing about break ups is that there is always this negative stereotypes. Especially when it comes to getting an ex back. People don’t want you to succeed. It’s a weird thing but there’s this negative stereotype behind it.

You’ve always heard the phrase,

“Hey, there’s other fish in the sea.”

or,

“Oh it’s ok. You’ll find another one. There are a zillion men out there.”

But you, when you come to the realization that, “No, I want this one man.” Your friends aren’t always going to be supportive. Now, I had an interview which I’ll make sure I’ll write a note to link to it.

It was with a gentleman by the name of Neil Sattin. He is a professional relationship coach and I interviewed him for this podcast.

Now, the really cool thing about Neil is he is really into self-healing and he agrees that sometimes it’s really important for two people to be apart in order for them to come to the realization that they need to be together.
And he mentioned that one of the best things you can do after a break up is to kind of rely on your friends and family.

And I think this is great advice but he said something and I’m really glad that he said it because I am definitely aligned with him on this. He said take everything that they say to you with a grain of salt. These are people that aren’t dedicated to this area.

They aren’t dedicated to breakups. They don’t understand the tendencies that people tend to act out when they go through a break up and one of those tendencies and one of those stereotypes is the fact that everyone thinks that you should unfriend your ex on Facebook. Block him on Facebook but in a research and in my personal experience, this is not the way to go.

Now, you read an article where I mentioned that and I’m really glad that you had the foresight to read the article to get to the point where I did mention that. But it is very important that you not unfriend your ex on Facebook or any other social media because it is a tool for getting him back, assuming that’s what you want to do. Now, your friends are uninformed.

So, here’s what I want you to do, I want you to rely on them for support but when it comes to your ex in advising you, “Hey, say this.” or “Hey, do this.” Take everything they say with a grain of salt. This are uninformed individuals. I’m not saying that they’re dumb. I’m not saying that their advice is bad. What I’m saying is they are uninformed. They haven’t been doing this for half a decade and I’m trying to think of a really great analogy for you.

So,  a great analogy would be kind of like if a- if you wanted to become a professional baseball player, would you go to someone who’s just been doing–just started playing baseball for a year or you would go to a professional major league baseball player? Chances are you take the advice from the professional major league baseball player and that’s kind of what we’re doing with here.

I’m here telling you, “Ok, not a good idea to unfriend your ex. I have experience in this. I’ve dedicated half a decade of my life to this art.” Your friends haven’t dedicated anything. They just probably have their own experience as to go off of and chances are not many of them have gotten their exes back. Now, like I said, it’s not to say that they’re dumb and their advice is bad. Sometimes your friends will have the greatest advice ever but just remember take everything with a grain of salt before you take any action.

Now, let’s move on to what you should do about the Facebook dilemma that you found yourself in. So, you asked the question, “Ok, what do I do to remedy this situation? Should I just try refriend him right now or wait until a little bit of time goes by?” And my thoughts on this are pretty clear. You’re off to a great start. You’re in the midst of a no contact rule and that no contact rule usually is where you want to utilize the Facebook and all of the social media but here’s the thing. You cannot take your action back of unfriending him on Facebook.

That is an action that you have basically done. You can’t take it back and it is going to appear to him–because he is going to be paying attention. Make no mistake about it anonymous. If you were to refriend him during the no contact rule when you’re not talking about him, it is a clear action that you are taking that prove to him that you are still thinking about him.

And one of the reasons that the no contact rule is kind of effective is it projects this persona where it appears to him like you’re not thinking about him and you’ve always heard that phrase, “Men want what they can’t have.” Well, that kind of plays into that. So, it is important that you do not refriend him during the no contact rule.

Instead, here is my recommendation. I want you to eventually refriend but only after you’ve built rapport after the no contact rule. It’s a natural way of getting him to accept your friend request. Why? Well, imagine this. Imagine you’ve gone through a no contact rule.

Ok so far so good right there and you’ve started rebuilding rapport through text messages and you’re texting back and forth every single day and he’s enjoying the conversations and you’re enjoying the conversations. Well, re-friending him on Facebook is going to be a lot easier to get him to accept that friend request as opposed to doing it when you’re ignoring him and he could still be angry at you.

Now, I promised you that I was going to tell an embarrassing story. So, here it is. I mentioned that–maybe I should back up and rephrase this. One of the things that people don’t seem to believe when I tell them that, yes, your ex is going to snoop around your Facebook profile, is they believe that that’s a lie. They don’t believe that he is going to do that. Except research has pointed out that 90% of exes have been proven to do this, Facebook creep on you. So, I’m going to tell you a story about my very first break up and essentially what I did.

So, I was in a similar situation to you anonymous. My ex and I, even though your break up sounds a little bit amicable and mine was really, really bad. There was yelling, fighting. Nothing was thrown or anything violent like that but inside, mentally, it hurt my feelings and things have been going pretty stale between the two of us for a long time.

So, the break up was a long time coming and I remember being so upset after the break up that I decided to unfriend my ex after. Like almost immediately after the break up. And I remember thinking to myself, “I am not going to talk to her. I am not going to look at her profile or anything.”

But of course, it took a full day, one full day. I lasted for one full day without looking at her Facebook profile and then I did. I looked at her Facebook profile. Essentially what I wanted to see was that she was depressed. That she couldn’t live without me.

That would have given me the greatest satisfaction. And really, it was kind of nothing. She didn’t update her profile for like a week or two which I supposed meant something because this was a girl who updated her Facebook profile pretty much every single day but that–even though it’s embarrassing for me to talk about that.

Yes, I even stooped to a level where I unfriended my ex. It was very vindictive and the fact that yes, I wanted her to suffer and I did this to hurt her. It is something that I did. It does prove my point that exes do snoop around your Facebook profile.

So, that is going to do it for this episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast. If you have any question or comments, please feel free to visit the show notes of this episode and ask your questions or comments there.

If you’re watching this on Youtube and you have a question about Facebook or just exes in general, feel free to comment on our Facebook profile.

We do our best to respond to every single comment that we get.

This was a blast! Thank you so much! I’ll see you next time.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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What Do You Think? (61)

  1. JS - 0

    JS

    Hi there,

    I was really upset with my ex. He broke up with me but wants to stay friends. I made it very clear to him that I don’t want to stay friends. I started NC of 30 days. But in 3 days he texted me when I didn’t respond he called and eventually I had to answer his calls. He said he cannot do without talking to me but we don’t have a future together. He wants to be friends with me. I don’t want to be friends with him. i got so annoyed with the whole on-off relationship that we were having that I blocked him on all social media except for one fitness app. He wants me to take care of my health and be fit. If i finish a run, he likes that activity. Currently as suggested by Chris I cannot re-friend him on FB or unblock him on whatsapp. Maybe I should start my jogs again. He will definitely see that I am doing what he always asked me to and maybe post pictures on FB that can be viewed by public. so he will be able to see me during NC.
    Honestly blocking him on whatsapp and FB was the only way of keeping him off.
    Should I unblock him or let things be?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Js,

      nope, just make your posts public..

    • JS - 0

      JS

      Amor, It is really difficult to do NC. I am breaking down each day. I broke the NC in 5 days and texted him if he wants to meet on Valentine’s day and he said NO. he is not angry with me. we broke up because of his parents. so e just wants to move on now.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well, the more you do nc, the less it can help you. So, it’s either you stick to it, or move on.

  2. Erica - 0

    Erica

    What if he unfriend on Facebook me during NC? Should I just wait until NC end and then rebuild the rapport and maybe after that befriend him? It is my 10th day now. i sent my last message 10 days ago but no reply. I heard from him last time three weeks ago. Normally I am not so active on Facebook but now I try being more active but I worry if he unfriends me.

    Thanks for a great site!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erica,

      yes, that’s the right approach if he unfriends you..

  3. Dee - 0

    Dee

    My boyfriend of two years broke up with me during an unexpected fight. We are long distance currently and I isit came back from a good visit. The phone call was 15 minutes of I love you miss you can’t wait to see you and ended with a random fight and him ending things. I melted down and asked him not to end it to talk tomorrow when we aren’t upset and he cancelled my plane ticket while on the phone.
    It’s been a week and a half and he hasn’t changed his relationship status on Facebook. I’m wondering when I should take us out of a relationship? I have it hidden so my relationship status isn’t shown on my page.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dee,

      if you’re going to do the no contact rule, set aside changing the status.Since it’s also hidden, it wouldn’t really matter that much.. What’s more important is that your active in posting your activities

    • Dee - 0

      Dee

      It still shows on his page tho? Is changing the status considered a “contact?”

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      not really but if you’re wanting him back, that’s just a small detail.. and if you ever get him back then you would have to change it again

    • Dee - 0

      Dee

      Wouldn’t changing it show I’m moving on?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes thats right.. but it could also make him think you’re purposely doing it for him since he’s the only one who can see it right?

    • Dee - 0

      Dee

      Well – everyone on his page can?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ah.. ok! if you want to do it foe the purpose of conveying you’re moving on, go..but just a friendly reminder to prepare yourself emotionally if he ever gets angry or does something to match that, just ignore it

    • Dee - 0

      Dee

      So I decided not to change it just to see what happened. We were long distance and I was supposed to be there this weekend so I was thinking maybe he’d miss me and reach out. He didn’t. But he changed his Facebook status tonight ! He took us out of a relationship and then hid the relationship on his page so at least it’s not blaring that it’s single
      I haven’t heard from him since the breakup it has been 18 nights
      I did melt down during the breakup convo but I didn’t reach out to him since. I was going for immediate NC.
      I’m afraid he was waiting for me to reach out !

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if he’s waiting for you then he would be happy once you initiate after nc

    • Dee - 0

      Dee

      Isn’t there such thing as a window of opportunity for reconciliation? Like why does it have to Be no contact and let’s play a game and see if we get back together
      Like what if I missed the reconciliation period ?? And that’s why he waited 2+ weeks to change his status ??

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it depends but more likely if he wasn’t really sure, the nc period would have made him realize that early on, made him panic and asked for you back because he can see he’s losing you because of an unsure move..

      He could have taken 2 weeks because he wants to avoid drama or there was still some feelings but it was not enough to want you back

  4. Dreida - 0

    Dreida

    Hello,

    My ex-boyfriend and I dated for approximately 2 years and officially broke up on October 30, 2016, but stayed as “friends” to start from scratch. However, that didn’t work out and we ended everything on January 1, 2017 and I have been doing the NC for 13 days, after begging him for 3 days to not do this (I feel ashamed for this). Out of a few things, the big issue was that we fought a lot, I have a lot of insecurities that came out while we were dating, and he was emotionally unavailable (we lost our emotional connection more than 6 months ago). He said that he needed a change in his life, and that change was for me to not be in his life anymore, but he also said that he hadn’t lost interest which gave me hope, even though he says he doesn’t want to give me false hope. I’ve been trying to let go and move on, but it’s difficult when I believe we are meant to be together and I don’t want to let go nor move on. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes I am feeling well and determined and optimistic, other times I am feeling weak and very pessimistic. So, yesterday, I unfriended him from Facebook thinking that it would be beneficial for me emotionally, that way I don’t stalk him. I am pretty sure he had blocked my Facebook feed anyway, and he had already removed me on Snapchat and stopped following me on Instagram. So, he is 27 years old, and I am 29 years old, my friends say that he is at the age that wants to have fun and is probably not ready for a relationship or doesn’t want one. I got the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery E-book, and it’s pretty interesting and helpful (although, I haven’t finished reading it yet), but I haven’t seen anything about when the other person is emotionally unavailable. And no, he has not contacted me at all, and he probably won’t because he wants me to let go and move on, have no false hopes, he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore (his words); he also has a very strong will, especially when he can detach so easily. I made a lot of mistakes during the relationship, but if he doesn’t want a relationship nor me, is it even worth trying to get him back, or should I just completely forget him, move on and believe what my friends say? I tend to want to fix things, especially when it was mostly my fault the relationship wasn’t happier, but I can’t help him if he doesn’t want my help, and if he doesn’t want me, then, is there even a chance to get him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dreida,

      approach it like he has moved on.. take this as a restart and think of it as attracting him back..you’re right, he has to think you have moved on..So be active in improving yourself

    • Dredia - 0

      Dredia

      I am still undecided if to go for 30 or 45 days in the NC, but when it’s over, should I reach out to him even though he hasn’t contacted me, or just let things be and keep moving on? And how we’ll he think that I have moved on if I unfriended him from social media?

      Thank you for your help, Amor.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Don’t send a friend request during nc.. Do it after nc when you’ve built enough rapport. I think you should make it 45 days.. Make your posts public, so that he can see it through mutual friends or when he gets curious. That’s your indirect way of showing your improvements.

  5. Jorda - 0

    Jorda

    Hello ex-boyfriend recovery!
    After the breakup and me begging him to not leave, I went into no contact. I responded to some important letters (my address, business stuff) to get things out of the way. A month after the breakup, he decided he wants to talk to me an arrange to meet up. I was very down-to-earth and didn’t let emotions rule over me. I was pretty neutral, saying ”yeah, sure we can hang out and grab a coffee, smoke together, sure we can remain friends”. He wrote me a few days after with some book recommendation and I ignored it. I wrote him a week later asking him how he is doing (he suffers from PTSD and a few other mental issues and I honestly do care about his health, which was the main reason we broke up – he needed to fix himself).
    He said he was fine, etc, etc. I didn’t respond. One day I was a little caught up into my own feelings and decided that I have had enough. I felt like seeing him in my friends’ list was only making it worse. I unfollowed him on Twitter, deleted his Messanger ID, deleted him on facebook (although my facebook posts are always profile for business reasons), a month after that he wrote me asking me if I am upset and why I suddenly deleted him if we were ”okay”. I told him I was not upset.
    He wrote me saying that he was confused why I did it. I didn’t reply. A few days later I decided to write him, apologized for the short letter, ; I was not home. Told him that I am doing great, etc, etc, wanted to see how he was.
    He replied: I am happy for you, that is awesome, but that doesn’t answer my question as to why you unfriended me.”

    I have absolutely no idea how to let him see that I am focusing on MYSELF without telling him something mean, desperate, or something that would push him away. I deleted him because it was weighing down on me and not letting me move on and focus on myself, the no contact for a month had helped me become independant and, although I miss him and want him to come back, I want him to see the better me, the happy, the confident me – the me that I had lost in the relationship but the me that he would still desire.

    How to handle things from now on?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jorda,

      You can say:

      I’m sorry I didn’t address that immediately. I didn’t do it to upset you, but I had to do it to completely move on.

  6. kay - 0

    kay

    okay so I haven’t unfounded my ex on Facebook but i am STRONGLY considering deleting him on instagram. I can see every time he likes a female’s photo and it honestly bothers me way too much, and is really starting to hurt my self esteem. I am in no contact and trying not to think about him but Instagram bothers me almost everyday. Can I delete him? I dont see why not? Maybe it will piss him off and thats what he needs.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if it helps you emotionally, sure.

    • Krissy d - 0

      Krissy d

      But do you think it will harm my chances with him?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You can add him back when you’ve built rapport later on.. because if it helps you more when you delete, go for it. But if you can find a way around it,not deleting him, then better.

  7. Lexi - 0

    Lexi

    Hi,
    So I’ve been in this back and forth relationship with this guy since the beginning of February (like 6-8 months). We met in February, but didn’t date till March because I found out when we started seeing each other that he had a girlfriend. Were together for three weeks when I found out he was talking to other girls on Tinder, I forgave him, and then a week later he broke up with me because he felt he shouldn’t be in a relationship at the moment (this is at the end of April). Two weeks go by and we’re pretty much in LC, just to get my things back from his house. In the week before I left college for the summer (first week of may), I was still getting things from there, and we ended up hooking up and spending a few days together.

    I left for the summer and it seemed it was a constant back and forth with him. He would call/text then avoid me, he’d make plans and then cancel them, he’d hit on my closest friends, and overall was a dick to me. However, I was still seriously into him so I was always there whenever he did contact me. In the end of the summer right before I moved back he asked me to be his girlfriend again, I was a little reluctant but after a few days, being afraid to lose my opportunity, I took him back. I kinda knew it would happen again, but I just wanted it so bad. The first three weeks were good and then the final week he just stopped talking to me, so I told him he just needed to end it now if he was gonna end it. He sent me a vague text on how he didn’t want to string me along and he needed to figure out his life. I didn’t realize we had actually broken up when I tried to confirm it the next day and he ignored my call. I went silent for two weeks after and then contacted him to get my stuff back from his house. After that he spoke to me a few times scattered in the next couple of weeks. First just friendly, then a sexual favor (which I ignored), and finally the last time we spoke which he was going to bring me my belt and then he suddenly forgot where it was and then just tried to talk to me all day.

    A week later I was obsessively going through social media and saw that he was constantly liking this one girl’s pictures and Facebook posts, starting from around the time he broke up with me. I figured then that it was time for me to go NO CONTACT. I deleted/unfollowed him on all social networks and deleted his number out of my phone so I wouldn’t be able to contact him. I’m on day 15 of this no contact, and I have a few questions.

    I was going to do what I heard was called the 8 week challenge which is like 56 days of no contact, is that too long?

    Second, what do you think about the whole situation in itself? Should I even try for this? I just have a feeling about this guy, and it’s not that I’m afraid of finding someone else because I know that’s possible it’s just a feeling.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lexi,

      that’s good that you’re in no contact..be active in improving yourself and be activw in social media too..for us, the longest most of the time 45 days..Try that first, so you can reflect if you really want him back.. Do new things too. Join a short course or volunteer or a club to make new friends..

  8. Liz - 0

    Liz

    Initially, I received messages about something going on between the two of them apparent sent by her. He lied about things, wasn’t forthcoming with info, and walked away without explaining all of this. That’s the reason I went the family (they knew the other girl). He go upset with me because I let them know what he was doing basically and his game was up. So, he apparently let her go along with blaming me and let me go too. Or has he really let her go? Either way, he’s not communicating with me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well whatever he did with her,.it looks like he’s ok with starting out as friends but not now.. I think he wants to be sure that you’ve moved on..

  9. Jenn - 0

    Jenn

    My ex and I got into a fight a little over a week ago, when he broke up with me. He wanted to stay friends, but I told him that wasn’t possible.

    He was upset with me, and he deleted me from FB right away. Then he told me to lose his number and never text to call him again, then told me I was blocked.

    He then calmed down, and he friend requested me again on FB. I had already read your articles about NC, and so far I am on day 9. I did not accept his friend request, because I was afraid I would be tempted to stalk his FB during this painful time.

    Did I make a mistake? Should I friend him again after this NC period is over? I am afraid to do so, because it was harder posting things on FB and him NOT liking it and liking all my friends statuses, then to not have him see them at all. It just feels less painful to me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jenn,

      that’s good that you didn’t approve it now.. It would be better to approve when you’ve already started building rapport.

  10. Alicja - 0

    Alicja

    Hello everyone ! I am not English, so I’m sorry for my possibly mistakes in text. When I have been looking for advice what to do, to make my Ex back ( he left me about 3 weeks ago) I found your page. Please, tell me – does No Contact Rule work even then if my boyfriend told me that he has stoped love me?? < He doesnt need realtionship with anybody, he prefer to live alone . what to do now? Is any chance to get him back ? ps. No there isn’t another woman in his live

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alicja,

      if he said he doesn’t love you anymore, that more probably means he lost desire. There’s not guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it would be better if you try it. So, that you won’t look like you’re chasing him and that you start to heal and improve yourself. That means you can’t like his posts too. Just focus in improving yourself.. be active in posting in social media but don’t stalk his account.

  11. riley - 0

    riley

    I deleted my ex on the day he broke up with me a week ago. What if my ex tries to re-add me on facebook during NC? Should I accept it? He wants to get back together but it’s only been a week. I am afraid he will continue to be hot and cold, and I feel we need more time apart. Should I ignore his emails and friend request?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Riley,

      since he asked for you back,.talk to him.. tell him why you’re having second thoughts on taking him back

  12. Liz - 0

    Liz

    Hi Chris,
    I just watched your podcast about unfriending your ex…a week too late. My ex and I were together for almost 2 years. However, there was some dishonesty on his part and he wouldn’t talk to me, he walked away. I have a relationship with his sister and asked her for advice (my intentions were just to get answers) with the situation (she knew the person). When he found out he was angry. We broke up officially. He said he doesn’t hate me, could never hate me, but resents what I did. Even though he wouldn’t address the problem. Do you think we will talk again, will he reach out, or are we done? We are in nc day 10.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Liz,

      I think he was irritated because he doesnt want you to get his family involved with your relationship problems.. just let him cool down by staying in nc

    • Liz - 0

      Liz

      Thank you! How long do I stay in no contact mode? Do I eventually reach out to him if he doesn’t?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Do at least 30 days and be active in improving yourself during and after it.. you can initiate a text after 30 days

    • Liz - 0

      Liz

      So Amor,
      I have been in NC for 24 days now. His birthday came and went without me contacting him. Unfortunately, now the so-called other girl (the reason we broke up along with his dishonesty about it) has been harassing me via FB under different accounts. I was told to get a photo of her, so I contacted him (found out I was blocked) for the info. He eventually responded via text and email, gave me the info, we emailed back and forth a few times. I mentioned I hoped we could talk one day. His response was “We’ll see what the future holds with a talk some day . You take care Liz. Always your friend—-.” Oh, then he reblocked me. Which I don’t understand considering he was the one dishonest, although I do admit to reaching out to his sister.
      Is this the proverbial kiss off? I’ve just gone back into NC. Is it time to move on?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      how did the other girl harass you? I think it’s too early to say..but dont break nc again

    • Liz - 0

      Liz

      She has created multiple FB accounts, pretends to be these people and has sent me messages about him. This time, she mentioned things about my job which has caused me to inform my boss. Clearly, there’s some reason she’s doing this.
      I just don’t know why he would block me. I have not tried to contact him since being in NC except for needing to know who she is, that’s how I found out he has me blocked.
      Is he just playing games by the whole “always your friend”, “we’ll see what the future holds”, sending the picture, and blocking me? Is he thinking he’s punishing me or something like he controls the contact or something. Why the games? He either wants to talk or not. How hard is it to communicate that? Granted, by doing all this isn’t he communicating a message as well? I did go right back into NC mode.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well whatever he did with her,.it looks like he’s ok with starting out as friends but not now.. I think he wants to be sure that you’ve moved on..

  13. Ali - 0

    Ali

    Hi- I’m hoping you can help me. I broke up with my Boyfriend 7 months ago. We were together 4 years. We lived together for a year, but he cheated on me for 5 months, and though we tried to work through it, the fighting got too much, and he moved out. Since then it’s been a roller coaster. Sometimes we get along great, there have been a few weeks where we didn’t talk because I told him I couldn’t be friends (then ones of us will reach out) , and we’ve slept together multiple times. Sometimes I miss him so much, or get lonely, that I will agree to see him. This past couple weeks he’s been texting me almost every day, and had invited me over or to go out every day for the last week. I convinced myself that if I had no expectations, I could spend time with him, and I wouldn’t get hurt. Of course, that wasn’t ok. I sent him a text yesterday that said I loved him with all my heart, but I couldn’t be with him if he couldn’t make a commitment. I couldn’t be his buddy that he sleeps with because I need romance and commitment. I said I adored him, but I needed some space to think about things. He never responded. He’s always been a bit of a womanizer, so part of me thinks he’ll never change, and it’s time to walk away. Part of me misses him like crazy. We are both in our late 40’s, and he’s never gone this long without a girlfriend, and he’s never dated anyone as long as he dated me. Am I going myself to think he’ll change and want to commit?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ali,

      you can’t force him to change so the best you can do is to be strict with yourself. Don’t enable him. Don’t sleep with him again. DO 45 days no contact and just focus in improving yourself. After it, slowly build rapport with him. If it doesn’t work out, move on.

  14. Vera - 0

    Vera

    Hi Chris,

    I’m on day 24 of nc after months of kind of being in the friend zone with my ex. We had a phenomenal relationship, but were never officially dating. We stopped seeing each other because he says he’s not happy with himself and wants to figure out some stuff before he gets into another (he’s never really had casual) relationship. After ghosting me for a month, we met and he apologized, saying that he couldn’t hang out with me one on one because things between us were too “effortlessly intimate” and the chemistry was “undeniably powerful and very rare”, but he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now as he doesn’t want to bring a “cool girl” down with him. He also said that he couldn’t trust me that if we hung out that it wouldn’t get intimate again, and I take it that he also means he can’t trust himself, even if he can’t admit it (am I right??). I agreed to have a text only relationship with him, even though I hate it and he knows this. Any time getting back together or meeting came up, he’d say that nothing had changed for him and that he’s sorry about it. I figured that giving him his space to figure things out was fair, considering I know what it’s like and I’d been in a similar situation when we met and didn’t respond well to his advances at the time.
    The text relationship carried on for about 5 months, during which time he definitely wasn’t dating anyone, and we would have fun chats multiple times a week. He would often tell me if he was having trouble with something emotionally or what he was up to, and we were pretty good at cheering each other up/making each other laugh. Until he told me he rejoined tinder. He said he’s not interested in dating and not looking for a girlfriend out of it, but why the hell would he tell me any of that!?
    I didn’t respond negatively, but told him it hurt and said that he needs to do what’s right for him and have not reached out since.
    When I say I’m doing nc, I really mean it, although I had already blocked (now unblocked but not followed) him on instagram, and we have not been friends on Facebook since he ghosted me. We do follow each other on twitter though and he has recently started liking more of my tweets. I’m fitter than I have been in years and have an active and fun life, so I post about that stuff.
    I know you say above that it does have significance (liking posts on social media), and I trust you, but I’m still a bit worried that when I can finish nc, that things won’t have changed for him and he still won’t come back. I am going away for 3 weeks on the day that a 30 day nc would end, and am not sure whether to extend this to 45 or 60 to give him more space and to just enjoy my trip. I know him liking my posts is his subtle way of making me think about him, but it’s actually driving me crazy because he and I have talked about this before and I know he will fall into the “what do you mean, it’s just a like”. He’s also really stubborn, so I know he’s not likely to reach out to me first.

    I guess I’d really love to know what the hell he’s thinking and if any of this is a good sign or not. This is the longest we’ve gone without talking in nearly a year.
    Thanks for your awesome website and helping us ladies (and gents) through the really crazy and confusing world of love.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Vera,

      No contact will not change his mind. It will not make him commit. It can help but it certainly is not the reason he will commit. And I’m pretty sure it will take some time after no contact for him to do that because you already had a 5 month text only relationship, so if he’s going to go back, he’ll probably try it that way again. I think you should extend to 45 and then slowly build rapport after that.. Try dating others too.. whether or groups or just one on one dates

  15. Vera - 0

    Vera

    Hi Chris,

    I’m on day 24 of nc after months of kind of being in the friend zone with my ex. We had a phenomenal relationship, but were never officially dating. We stopped seeing each other because he says he’s not happy with himself and wants to figure out some stuff before he gets into another (he’s never really had casual) relationship. After ghosting me for a month, we met and he apologized, saying that he couldn’t hang out with me one on one because things between us were too “effortlessly intimate” and the chemistry was “undeniably powerful and very rare”, but he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now as he doesn’t want to bring a “cool girl” down with him. He also said that he couldn’t trust me that if we hung out that it wouldn’t get intimate again, and I take it that he also means he can’t trust himself, even if he can’t admit it (am I right??). I agreed to have a text only relationship with him, even though I hate it and he knows this. Any time getting back together or meeting came up, he’d say that nothing had changed for him and that he’s sorry about it. I figured that giving him his space to figure things out was fair, considering I know what it’s like and I’d been in a similar situation when we met and didn’t respond well to his advances at the time.
    The text relationship carried on for about 5 months, during which time he definitely wasn’t dating anyone, and we would have fun chats multiple times a week. He would often tell me if he was having trouble with something emotionally or what he was up to, and we were pretty good at cheering each other up/making each other laugh. Until he told me he rejoined tinder. He said he’s not interested in dating and not looking for a girlfriend out of it, but why the hell would he tell me any of that!?
    I didn’t respond negatively, but told him it hurt and said that he needs to do what’s right for him and have not reached out since.
    When I say I’m doing nc, I really mean it, although I had already blocked (now unblocked but not followed) him on instagram, and we have not been friends on Facebook since he ghosted me. We do follow each other on twitter though and he has recently started liking more of my tweets. I’m fitter than I have been in years and have an active and fun life, so I post about that stuff.
    I know you say above that it does have significance (liking posts on social media), and I trust you, but I’m still a bit worried that when I can finish nc, that things won’t have changed for him and he still won’t come back. I am going away for 3 weeks on the day that a 30 day nc would end, and am not sure whether to extend this to 45 or 60 to give him more space and to just enjoy my trip. I know him liking my posts is his subtle way of making me think about him, but it’s actually driving me crazy because he and I have talked about this before and I know he will fall into the “what do you mean, it’s just a like”. He’s also really stubborn, so I know he’s not likely to reach out to me first.

    I guess I’d really love to know what the hell he’s thinking and if any of this is a good sign or not. This is the longest we’ve gone without talking in nearly a year.
    Thanks for your awesome website and helping us ladies (and gents) through the really crazy and confusing world of love.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Vera,

      No contact will not change his mind. It will not make him commit. It can help but it certainly is not the reason he will commit. And I’m pretty sure it will take some time after no contact for him to do that because you already had a 5 month text only relationship, so if he’s going to go back, he’ll probably try it that way again. I think you should extend to 45 and then slowly build rapport after that.. Try dating others too.. whether or groups or just one on one dates

    • Vera - 0

      Vera

      Hi Amor,

      That’s excellent advice and thank you for replying.
      I am already dating other people, because I don’t think I should have to wait around for him to figure himself out. It’s just hard when I know that we both feel the same way about each other, but the timing is all wrong.
      I’ll definitely give it a shot and see what happens anyway, as there’s no harm in trying…

      Will let you know how it pans out.
      Thanks again!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      we’ll love to hear what happens anx thank you too!

  16. Kevyn - 0

    Kevyn

    I wanted to add something as well
    I’m still in the rapport building process with my ex, but in the meantime I’ve set my Facebook profile posts to be viewable by “friends of friends” instead of fully public, since we have mutuals. So if you aren’t comfortable going fully public, that is an alternative so it’ll allow him to see what you’re doing.

    Reply
  17. Lisa - 0

    Lisa

    Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. Everytime we talk we will argue over little things and he’ll flip flop his mind on what he wants. He will go to my friends saying he wants to be with me but he dosent know what his parents will think about it (he’s really close to his family and likes their approval on everything). Then the other day he’s all asking my friends what I was doing over the weekend and asking who I hung out with. I guess he got mad because he found out I was hanging out with a few guy friends and afterwards blocked me on everything except for texting. I haven’t texted him asking him about it because I know he wants a reaction out of me. I never had been in a situation like this about an ex and I don’t know what to do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi lisa,

      how old is your ex and how long were you together?

    • Lisa - 0

      Lisa

      I’m 18 and he’s 19. And we were together for a little more than 4 months

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ah, that’s why. He’s still young. He doesn’t have the capacity or the maturity to stand up on his own yet. You can’t force him to do that. That’s for him to learn. The best you can do is try the no contact rule, and just focus in improving yourself.

    • Lisa - 0

      Lisa

      I don’t understand why he had to block me and everything. The only thing he didn’t block me on was snapchat and through text. But I’m blocked through Facebook and snapchat

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      more likely it’s to help him hurt less

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