What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

EBR 062: I Unfriended My Ex Boyfriend On Facebook… What Do I Do?

It’s funny, I still remember the days when MySpace was a thing.

(If you don’t know what that is don’t worry, I got your back)

my-space

But then Facebook came along and took over as the social media giant!

And as the years ticked by and Facebook became more and more mainstream it started to work it’s way into relationships. Heck, I suppose I do owe Facebook a debt of gratitude because without it I wouldn’t have met my wife.

(FYI: we met on Facebook!)

Don’t believe me?

Well, here is our very first conversation ever,

screen-shot-2016-09-23-at-12-54-41-pm

Honestly it’s really funny looking back at it but I don’t want to get too off topic here.

As Facebook has worked it’s way into dating there are certain rules that you need to abide by if you want to achieve the maximum results with it.

And that leads us to today’s episode.

A few days ago a woman contacted me and asked a relatively simple question,

I have unfriended my ex on Facebook as a result of the advice of my friends but when I found your website I noticed that you advised against unfriending your ex. What am I supposed to do?

I’m not going to lie.

This is a question that I get all the time and in this episode I tackle it!

Video Of Episode 62 (I Unfriended My Ex Boyfriend On Facebook…)

Let me know in the comments what you think of this episode. I love getting feedback from you guys. What are we doing right? What are we doing wrong?

Please, let us know.

The Situation At Hand

  • The breakup was relatively recent
  • Anonymous (the woman who called in to the podcast) says that his reasoning for the breakup was that work was a big issue
  • He claims “he’s feeling lost.”
  • Her friends suggested that she should unfriend him on Facebook
  • So she did just that
  • She is currently in the midst of a no contact rule
  • She wonders if she should “friend” him on Facebook again

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • Facebook is a tool that you can use during the no contact rule
  • In fact, all social media is a tool that you can use
  • The uninformed giving advice
  • Taking what your friend say with a grain of salt
  • The stereotypes that society has about getting an ex back
  • An embarrassing story about me
  • What you should do now that you have unfriended your ex

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

73 responses to “EBR 062: I Unfriended My Ex Boyfriend On Facebook… What Do I Do?”

  1. Patricia says:

    My ex and I were together for almost 4 years. It was an off an on relationship but either way for this last period we were doing so well.. Then the fights started so we broke up in a “mutual agreement” (actually he didn’t want to break up initially so I broke up with him and after a few hours he told me that maybe it was for the best.) . It’s been two months since the break up. At first I was doing the NC period. He reach out to me a few times after a few weeks of the break up telling me that he wanted to be with me and that he want to work things through but he was taking time to think. Then.. I started texting him but not in the right way. I was jealous, impatient, begging for him to come back and picking fights every week telling him that I don’t even believe him anymore when he said that he loves me and then I deleted him from every social media we shared. A week after this he told me that he never wants to speak to me again, that I hurt him so bad that he doesn’t even think of getting back together anymore. He told me that he doesn’t want to heard my voice again, or anything about me and that he is over me and doing well. It’s been a week since this episode and since we didn’t speak again. After two months of the break up it’s actually the first week we didn’t spoke. I know I hurt him but is it possible to fix this? Was he telling the truth when he all of a sudden didn’t want to be with me anymore? is he over me? or is he just hurt? I’m currently starting again the NC rule but I don’t know if it even work anymore.. I using in the correct way my social media apps but I don’t even have him there so he doesn’t even see anything. I don’t know what to think anymore.. I just want him back

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Patricia,

      Just do everything right. Make your posts public.. If it doesn’t work out, move on.

  2. Waga says:

    So…I unfriended my ex a few months ago; due to the fact I had became unhealthily obsessed with his online ness that I couldn’t heal or move on with anything. Our break up completely floored me and it was sort of left uncertain about future reconciliation too. Then I seen something that upset me so my friends urged me to do it to help myself. He reached out to me despite it to apologise for how he’d treated me in the break up. I stupidly rose to it thinking it might mean there something there but he has since made clear he wants to date others “right now” but still wouldn’t completely rule me out (LOL) but now after contact he seems comfortable and I miss having him on social media. I’m now getting hurt via other ways but what do you suggest?! It’s been 15 days since last contact and it always feels so weird we are now in completely different worlds (distance)

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Waga,

      do you want to do the no contact rule?

    • Waga says:

      I’m currently like 16 days in to it. I’m not sure what it’ll achieve since there’s distance involved. And the split was six months ago

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      your improvement… That’s the most important aspect of it.. Whether you gwt him back or not, you still have your better self.. The improvement is what will increase the chanes of hin regretting the break up.. That’s why it needs to be genuine…

    • waga says:

      Thank you. Yes that is what I’m doing..however how will this improvement be portrayed if we don’t have any contact. His ‘gut’ tells him I’m not the one..yet i was also his first gf so he’s pretty inexperienced.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      you need to be active in posting in social media..that’s your indirect way of showing it..

    • Waga says:

      Thank you, but I unfriended him on social media, almost three months ago to aid my recovery….I’m missing him a lot but on day 22 of making no contact. This is the longest period we have gone without messaging to date, so it’s upsetting.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      make your posts public

  3. Hana says:

    we were in distance relation for 3years and suddenly broke up with me in june.2016 and in october .2016 we inter NC . and unfriend each other from social media. he blocked me on whats app but one month ago he unblock me. yesterday i sent him a text via whats app and he replied directly. is it mean any thing ??? by the ways, it was like a cold texts

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Hana,

      what was the text you sent? It could mean he just unblocked you so that it doesn’t seem like he’s still angry with you.

  4. JS says:

    Hi there,

    I was really upset with my ex. He broke up with me but wants to stay friends. I made it very clear to him that I don’t want to stay friends. I started NC of 30 days. But in 3 days he texted me when I didn’t respond he called and eventually I had to answer his calls. He said he cannot do without talking to me but we don’t have a future together. He wants to be friends with me. I don’t want to be friends with him. i got so annoyed with the whole on-off relationship that we were having that I blocked him on all social media except for one fitness app. He wants me to take care of my health and be fit. If i finish a run, he likes that activity. Currently as suggested by Chris I cannot re-friend him on FB or unblock him on whatsapp. Maybe I should start my jogs again. He will definitely see that I am doing what he always asked me to and maybe post pictures on FB that can be viewed by public. so he will be able to see me during NC.
    Honestly blocking him on whatsapp and FB was the only way of keeping him off.
    Should I unblock him or let things be?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Js,

      nope, just make your posts public..

    • JS says:

      Amor, It is really difficult to do NC. I am breaking down each day. I broke the NC in 5 days and texted him if he wants to meet on Valentine’s day and he said NO. he is not angry with me. we broke up because of his parents. so e just wants to move on now.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      well, the more you do nc, the less it can help you. So, it’s either you stick to it, or move on.

  5. Erica says:

    What if he unfriend on Facebook me during NC? Should I just wait until NC end and then rebuild the rapport and maybe after that befriend him? It is my 10th day now. i sent my last message 10 days ago but no reply. I heard from him last time three weeks ago. Normally I am not so active on Facebook but now I try being more active but I worry if he unfriends me.

    Thanks for a great site!

  6. Dee says:

    My boyfriend of two years broke up with me during an unexpected fight. We are long distance currently and I isit came back from a good visit. The phone call was 15 minutes of I love you miss you can’t wait to see you and ended with a random fight and him ending things. I melted down and asked him not to end it to talk tomorrow when we aren’t upset and he cancelled my plane ticket while on the phone.
    It’s been a week and a half and he hasn’t changed his relationship status on Facebook. I’m wondering when I should take us out of a relationship? I have it hidden so my relationship status isn’t shown on my page.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Dee,

      if you’re going to do the no contact rule, set aside changing the status.Since it’s also hidden, it wouldn’t really matter that much.. What’s more important is that your active in posting your activities

    • Dee says:

      It still shows on his page tho? Is changing the status considered a “contact?”

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      not really but if you’re wanting him back, that’s just a small detail.. and if you ever get him back then you would have to change it again

    • Dee says:

      Wouldn’t changing it show I’m moving on?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      yes thats right.. but it could also make him think you’re purposely doing it for him since he’s the only one who can see it right?

    • Dee says:

      Well – everyone on his page can?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      ah.. ok! if you want to do it foe the purpose of conveying you’re moving on, go..but just a friendly reminder to prepare yourself emotionally if he ever gets angry or does something to match that, just ignore it

    • Dee says:

      So I decided not to change it just to see what happened. We were long distance and I was supposed to be there this weekend so I was thinking maybe he’d miss me and reach out. He didn’t. But he changed his Facebook status tonight ! He took us out of a relationship and then hid the relationship on his page so at least it’s not blaring that it’s single
      I haven’t heard from him since the breakup it has been 18 nights
      I did melt down during the breakup convo but I didn’t reach out to him since. I was going for immediate NC.
      I’m afraid he was waiting for me to reach out !

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      if he’s waiting for you then he would be happy once you initiate after nc

    • Dee says:

      Isn’t there such thing as a window of opportunity for reconciliation? Like why does it have to Be no contact and let’s play a game and see if we get back together
      Like what if I missed the reconciliation period ?? And that’s why he waited 2+ weeks to change his status ??

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it depends but more likely if he wasn’t really sure, the nc period would have made him realize that early on, made him panic and asked for you back because he can see he’s losing you because of an unsure move..

      He could have taken 2 weeks because he wants to avoid drama or there was still some feelings but it was not enough to want you back

  7. Dreida says:

    Hello,

    My ex-boyfriend and I dated for approximately 2 years and officially broke up on October 30, 2016, but stayed as “friends” to start from scratch. However, that didn’t work out and we ended everything on January 1, 2017 and I have been doing the NC for 13 days, after begging him for 3 days to not do this (I feel ashamed for this). Out of a few things, the big issue was that we fought a lot, I have a lot of insecurities that came out while we were dating, and he was emotionally unavailable (we lost our emotional connection more than 6 months ago). He said that he needed a change in his life, and that change was for me to not be in his life anymore, but he also said that he hadn’t lost interest which gave me hope, even though he says he doesn’t want to give me false hope. I’ve been trying to let go and move on, but it’s difficult when I believe we are meant to be together and I don’t want to let go nor move on. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes I am feeling well and determined and optimistic, other times I am feeling weak and very pessimistic. So, yesterday, I unfriended him from Facebook thinking that it would be beneficial for me emotionally, that way I don’t stalk him. I am pretty sure he had blocked my Facebook feed anyway, and he had already removed me on Snapchat and stopped following me on Instagram. So, he is 27 years old, and I am 29 years old, my friends say that he is at the age that wants to have fun and is probably not ready for a relationship or doesn’t want one. I got the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery E-book, and it’s pretty interesting and helpful (although, I haven’t finished reading it yet), but I haven’t seen anything about when the other person is emotionally unavailable. And no, he has not contacted me at all, and he probably won’t because he wants me to let go and move on, have no false hopes, he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore (his words); he also has a very strong will, especially when he can detach so easily. I made a lot of mistakes during the relationship, but if he doesn’t want a relationship nor me, is it even worth trying to get him back, or should I just completely forget him, move on and believe what my friends say? I tend to want to fix things, especially when it was mostly my fault the relationship wasn’t happier, but I can’t help him if he doesn’t want my help, and if he doesn’t want me, then, is there even a chance to get him back?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Dreida,

      approach it like he has moved on.. take this as a restart and think of it as attracting him back..you’re right, he has to think you have moved on..So be active in improving yourself

    • Dredia says:

      I am still undecided if to go for 30 or 45 days in the NC, but when it’s over, should I reach out to him even though he hasn’t contacted me, or just let things be and keep moving on? And how we’ll he think that I have moved on if I unfriended him from social media?

      Thank you for your help, Amor.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Don’t send a friend request during nc.. Do it after nc when you’ve built enough rapport. I think you should make it 45 days.. Make your posts public, so that he can see it through mutual friends or when he gets curious. That’s your indirect way of showing your improvements.

  8. Jorda says:

    Hello ex-boyfriend recovery!
    After the breakup and me begging him to not leave, I went into no contact. I responded to some important letters (my address, business stuff) to get things out of the way. A month after the breakup, he decided he wants to talk to me an arrange to meet up. I was very down-to-earth and didn’t let emotions rule over me. I was pretty neutral, saying ”yeah, sure we can hang out and grab a coffee, smoke together, sure we can remain friends”. He wrote me a few days after with some book recommendation and I ignored it. I wrote him a week later asking him how he is doing (he suffers from PTSD and a few other mental issues and I honestly do care about his health, which was the main reason we broke up – he needed to fix himself).
    He said he was fine, etc, etc. I didn’t respond. One day I was a little caught up into my own feelings and decided that I have had enough. I felt like seeing him in my friends’ list was only making it worse. I unfollowed him on Twitter, deleted his Messanger ID, deleted him on facebook (although my facebook posts are always profile for business reasons), a month after that he wrote me asking me if I am upset and why I suddenly deleted him if we were ”okay”. I told him I was not upset.
    He wrote me saying that he was confused why I did it. I didn’t reply. A few days later I decided to write him, apologized for the short letter, ; I was not home. Told him that I am doing great, etc, etc, wanted to see how he was.
    He replied: I am happy for you, that is awesome, but that doesn’t answer my question as to why you unfriended me.”

    I have absolutely no idea how to let him see that I am focusing on MYSELF without telling him something mean, desperate, or something that would push him away. I deleted him because it was weighing down on me and not letting me move on and focus on myself, the no contact for a month had helped me become independant and, although I miss him and want him to come back, I want him to see the better me, the happy, the confident me – the me that I had lost in the relationship but the me that he would still desire.

    How to handle things from now on?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Jorda,

      You can say:

      I’m sorry I didn’t address that immediately. I didn’t do it to upset you, but I had to do it to completely move on.

  9. kay says:

    okay so I haven’t unfounded my ex on Facebook but i am STRONGLY considering deleting him on instagram. I can see every time he likes a female’s photo and it honestly bothers me way too much, and is really starting to hurt my self esteem. I am in no contact and trying not to think about him but Instagram bothers me almost everyday. Can I delete him? I dont see why not? Maybe it will piss him off and thats what he needs.

  10. Lexi says:

    Hi,
    So I’ve been in this back and forth relationship with this guy since the beginning of February (like 6-8 months). We met in February, but didn’t date till March because I found out when we started seeing each other that he had a girlfriend. Were together for three weeks when I found out he was talking to other girls on Tinder, I forgave him, and then a week later he broke up with me because he felt he shouldn’t be in a relationship at the moment (this is at the end of April). Two weeks go by and we’re pretty much in LC, just to get my things back from his house. In the week before I left college for the summer (first week of may), I was still getting things from there, and we ended up hooking up and spending a few days together.

    I left for the summer and it seemed it was a constant back and forth with him. He would call/text then avoid me, he’d make plans and then cancel them, he’d hit on my closest friends, and overall was a dick to me. However, I was still seriously into him so I was always there whenever he did contact me. In the end of the summer right before I moved back he asked me to be his girlfriend again, I was a little reluctant but after a few days, being afraid to lose my opportunity, I took him back. I kinda knew it would happen again, but I just wanted it so bad. The first three weeks were good and then the final week he just stopped talking to me, so I told him he just needed to end it now if he was gonna end it. He sent me a vague text on how he didn’t want to string me along and he needed to figure out his life. I didn’t realize we had actually broken up when I tried to confirm it the next day and he ignored my call. I went silent for two weeks after and then contacted him to get my stuff back from his house. After that he spoke to me a few times scattered in the next couple of weeks. First just friendly, then a sexual favor (which I ignored), and finally the last time we spoke which he was going to bring me my belt and then he suddenly forgot where it was and then just tried to talk to me all day.

    A week later I was obsessively going through social media and saw that he was constantly liking this one girl’s pictures and Facebook posts, starting from around the time he broke up with me. I figured then that it was time for me to go NO CONTACT. I deleted/unfollowed him on all social networks and deleted his number out of my phone so I wouldn’t be able to contact him. I’m on day 15 of this no contact, and I have a few questions.

    I was going to do what I heard was called the 8 week challenge which is like 56 days of no contact, is that too long?

    Second, what do you think about the whole situation in itself? Should I even try for this? I just have a feeling about this guy, and it’s not that I’m afraid of finding someone else because I know that’s possible it’s just a feeling.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Lexi,

      that’s good that you’re in no contact..be active in improving yourself and be activw in social media too..for us, the longest most of the time 45 days..Try that first, so you can reflect if you really want him back.. Do new things too. Join a short course or volunteer or a club to make new friends..

  11. Liz says:

    Initially, I received messages about something going on between the two of them apparent sent by her. He lied about things, wasn’t forthcoming with info, and walked away without explaining all of this. That’s the reason I went the family (they knew the other girl). He go upset with me because I let them know what he was doing basically and his game was up. So, he apparently let her go along with blaming me and let me go too. Or has he really let her go? Either way, he’s not communicating with me.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      well whatever he did with her,.it looks like he’s ok with starting out as friends but not now.. I think he wants to be sure that you’ve moved on..

  12. Jenn says:

    My ex and I got into a fight a little over a week ago, when he broke up with me. He wanted to stay friends, but I told him that wasn’t possible.

    He was upset with me, and he deleted me from FB right away. Then he told me to lose his number and never text to call him again, then told me I was blocked.

    He then calmed down, and he friend requested me again on FB. I had already read your articles about NC, and so far I am on day 9. I did not accept his friend request, because I was afraid I would be tempted to stalk his FB during this painful time.

    Did I make a mistake? Should I friend him again after this NC period is over? I am afraid to do so, because it was harder posting things on FB and him NOT liking it and liking all my friends statuses, then to not have him see them at all. It just feels less painful to me.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Jenn,

      that’s good that you didn’t approve it now.. It would be better to approve when you’ve already started building rapport.

  13. Alicja says:

    Hello everyone ! I am not English, so I’m sorry for my possibly mistakes in text. When I have been looking for advice what to do, to make my Ex back ( he left me about 3 weeks ago) I found your page. Please, tell me – does No Contact Rule work even then if my boyfriend told me that he has stoped love me?? < He doesnt need realtionship with anybody, he prefer to live alone . what to do now? Is any chance to get him back ? ps. No there isn’t another woman in his live

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Alicja,

      if he said he doesn’t love you anymore, that more probably means he lost desire. There’s not guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it would be better if you try it. So, that you won’t look like you’re chasing him and that you start to heal and improve yourself. That means you can’t like his posts too. Just focus in improving yourself.. be active in posting in social media but don’t stalk his account.

  14. riley says:

    I deleted my ex on the day he broke up with me a week ago. What if my ex tries to re-add me on facebook during NC? Should I accept it? He wants to get back together but it’s only been a week. I am afraid he will continue to be hot and cold, and I feel we need more time apart. Should I ignore his emails and friend request?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Riley,

      since he asked for you back,.talk to him.. tell him why you’re having second thoughts on taking him back

  15. Liz says:

    Hi Chris,
    I just watched your podcast about unfriending your ex…a week too late. My ex and I were together for almost 2 years. However, there was some dishonesty on his part and he wouldn’t talk to me, he walked away. I have a relationship with his sister and asked her for advice (my intentions were just to get answers) with the situation (she knew the person). When he found out he was angry. We broke up officially. He said he doesn’t hate me, could never hate me, but resents what I did. Even though he wouldn’t address the problem. Do you think we will talk again, will he reach out, or are we done? We are in nc day 10.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Liz,

      I think he was irritated because he doesnt want you to get his family involved with your relationship problems.. just let him cool down by staying in nc

    • Liz says:

      Thank you! How long do I stay in no contact mode? Do I eventually reach out to him if he doesn’t?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Do at least 30 days and be active in improving yourself during and after it.. you can initiate a text after 30 days

    • Liz says:

      So Amor,
      I have been in NC for 24 days now. His birthday came and went without me contacting him. Unfortunately, now the so-called other girl (the reason we broke up along with his dishonesty about it) has been harassing me via FB under different accounts. I was told to get a photo of her, so I contacted him (found out I was blocked) for the info. He eventually responded via text and email, gave me the info, we emailed back and forth a few times. I mentioned I hoped we could talk one day. His response was “We’ll see what the future holds with a talk some day . You take care Liz. Always your friend—-.” Oh, then he reblocked me. Which I don’t understand considering he was the one dishonest, although I do admit to reaching out to his sister.
      Is this the proverbial kiss off? I’ve just gone back into NC. Is it time to move on?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      how did the other girl harass you? I think it’s too early to say..but dont break nc again

    • Liz says:

      She has created multiple FB accounts, pretends to be these people and has sent me messages about him. This time, she mentioned things about my job which has caused me to inform my boss. Clearly, there’s some reason she’s doing this.
      I just don’t know why he would block me. I have not tried to contact him since being in NC except for needing to know who she is, that’s how I found out he has me blocked.
      Is he just playing games by the whole “always your friend”, “we’ll see what the future holds”, sending the picture, and blocking me? Is he thinking he’s punishing me or something like he controls the contact or something. Why the games? He either wants to talk or not. How hard is it to communicate that? Granted, by doing all this isn’t he communicating a message as well? I did go right back into NC mode.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      well whatever he did with her,.it looks like he’s ok with starting out as friends but not now.. I think he wants to be sure that you’ve moved on..

  16. Ali says:

    Hi- I’m hoping you can help me. I broke up with my Boyfriend 7 months ago. We were together 4 years. We lived together for a year, but he cheated on me for 5 months, and though we tried to work through it, the fighting got too much, and he moved out. Since then it’s been a roller coaster. Sometimes we get along great, there have been a few weeks where we didn’t talk because I told him I couldn’t be friends (then ones of us will reach out) , and we’ve slept together multiple times. Sometimes I miss him so much, or get lonely, that I will agree to see him. This past couple weeks he’s been texting me almost every day, and had invited me over or to go out every day for the last week. I convinced myself that if I had no expectations, I could spend time with him, and I wouldn’t get hurt. Of course, that wasn’t ok. I sent him a text yesterday that said I loved him with all my heart, but I couldn’t be with him if he couldn’t make a commitment. I couldn’t be his buddy that he sleeps with because I need romance and commitment. I said I adored him, but I needed some space to think about things. He never responded. He’s always been a bit of a womanizer, so part of me thinks he’ll never change, and it’s time to walk away. Part of me misses him like crazy. We are both in our late 40’s, and he’s never gone this long without a girlfriend, and he’s never dated anyone as long as he dated me. Am I going myself to think he’ll change and want to commit?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Ali,

      you can’t force him to change so the best you can do is to be strict with yourself. Don’t enable him. Don’t sleep with him again. DO 45 days no contact and just focus in improving yourself. After it, slowly build rapport with him. If it doesn’t work out, move on.

  17. Vera says:

    Hi Chris,

    I’m on day 24 of nc after months of kind of being in the friend zone with my ex. We had a phenomenal relationship, but were never officially dating. We stopped seeing each other because he says he’s not happy with himself and wants to figure out some stuff before he gets into another (he’s never really had casual) relationship. After ghosting me for a month, we met and he apologized, saying that he couldn’t hang out with me one on one because things between us were too “effortlessly intimate” and the chemistry was “undeniably powerful and very rare”, but he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now as he doesn’t want to bring a “cool girl” down with him. He also said that he couldn’t trust me that if we hung out that it wouldn’t get intimate again, and I take it that he also means he can’t trust himself, even if he can’t admit it (am I right??). I agreed to have a text only relationship with him, even though I hate it and he knows this. Any time getting back together or meeting came up, he’d say that nothing had changed for him and that he’s sorry about it. I figured that giving him his space to figure things out was fair, considering I know what it’s like and I’d been in a similar situation when we met and didn’t respond well to his advances at the time.
    The text relationship carried on for about 5 months, during which time he definitely wasn’t dating anyone, and we would have fun chats multiple times a week. He would often tell me if he was having trouble with something emotionally or what he was up to, and we were pretty good at cheering each other up/making each other laugh. Until he told me he rejoined tinder. He said he’s not interested in dating and not looking for a girlfriend out of it, but why the hell would he tell me any of that!?
    I didn’t respond negatively, but told him it hurt and said that he needs to do what’s right for him and have not reached out since.
    When I say I’m doing nc, I really mean it, although I had already blocked (now unblocked but not followed) him on instagram, and we have not been friends on Facebook since he ghosted me. We do follow each other on twitter though and he has recently started liking more of my tweets. I’m fitter than I have been in years and have an active and fun life, so I post about that stuff.
    I know you say above that it does have significance (liking posts on social media), and I trust you, but I’m still a bit worried that when I can finish nc, that things won’t have changed for him and he still won’t come back. I am going away for 3 weeks on the day that a 30 day nc would end, and am not sure whether to extend this to 45 or 60 to give him more space and to just enjoy my trip. I know him liking my posts is his subtle way of making me think about him, but it’s actually driving me crazy because he and I have talked about this before and I know he will fall into the “what do you mean, it’s just a like”. He’s also really stubborn, so I know he’s not likely to reach out to me first.

    I guess I’d really love to know what the hell he’s thinking and if any of this is a good sign or not. This is the longest we’ve gone without talking in nearly a year.
    Thanks for your awesome website and helping us ladies (and gents) through the really crazy and confusing world of love.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Vera,

      No contact will not change his mind. It will not make him commit. It can help but it certainly is not the reason he will commit. And I’m pretty sure it will take some time after no contact for him to do that because you already had a 5 month text only relationship, so if he’s going to go back, he’ll probably try it that way again. I think you should extend to 45 and then slowly build rapport after that.. Try dating others too.. whether or groups or just one on one dates

  18. Vera says:

    Hi Chris,

    I’m on day 24 of nc after months of kind of being in the friend zone with my ex. We had a phenomenal relationship, but were never officially dating. We stopped seeing each other because he says he’s not happy with himself and wants to figure out some stuff before he gets into another (he’s never really had casual) relationship. After ghosting me for a month, we met and he apologized, saying that he couldn’t hang out with me one on one because things between us were too “effortlessly intimate” and the chemistry was “undeniably powerful and very rare”, but he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now as he doesn’t want to bring a “cool girl” down with him. He also said that he couldn’t trust me that if we hung out that it wouldn’t get intimate again, and I take it that he also means he can’t trust himself, even if he can’t admit it (am I right??). I agreed to have a text only relationship with him, even though I hate it and he knows this. Any time getting back together or meeting came up, he’d say that nothing had changed for him and that he’s sorry about it. I figured that giving him his space to figure things out was fair, considering I know what it’s like and I’d been in a similar situation when we met and didn’t respond well to his advances at the time.
    The text relationship carried on for about 5 months, during which time he definitely wasn’t dating anyone, and we would have fun chats multiple times a week. He would often tell me if he was having trouble with something emotionally or what he was up to, and we were pretty good at cheering each other up/making each other laugh. Until he told me he rejoined tinder. He said he’s not interested in dating and not looking for a girlfriend out of it, but why the hell would he tell me any of that!?
    I didn’t respond negatively, but told him it hurt and said that he needs to do what’s right for him and have not reached out since.
    When I say I’m doing nc, I really mean it, although I had already blocked (now unblocked but not followed) him on instagram, and we have not been friends on Facebook since he ghosted me. We do follow each other on twitter though and he has recently started liking more of my tweets. I’m fitter than I have been in years and have an active and fun life, so I post about that stuff.
    I know you say above that it does have significance (liking posts on social media), and I trust you, but I’m still a bit worried that when I can finish nc, that things won’t have changed for him and he still won’t come back. I am going away for 3 weeks on the day that a 30 day nc would end, and am not sure whether to extend this to 45 or 60 to give him more space and to just enjoy my trip. I know him liking my posts is his subtle way of making me think about him, but it’s actually driving me crazy because he and I have talked about this before and I know he will fall into the “what do you mean, it’s just a like”. He’s also really stubborn, so I know he’s not likely to reach out to me first.

    I guess I’d really love to know what the hell he’s thinking and if any of this is a good sign or not. This is the longest we’ve gone without talking in nearly a year.
    Thanks for your awesome website and helping us ladies (and gents) through the really crazy and confusing world of love.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Vera,

      No contact will not change his mind. It will not make him commit. It can help but it certainly is not the reason he will commit. And I’m pretty sure it will take some time after no contact for him to do that because you already had a 5 month text only relationship, so if he’s going to go back, he’ll probably try it that way again. I think you should extend to 45 and then slowly build rapport after that.. Try dating others too.. whether or groups or just one on one dates

    • Vera says:

      Hi Amor,

      That’s excellent advice and thank you for replying.
      I am already dating other people, because I don’t think I should have to wait around for him to figure himself out. It’s just hard when I know that we both feel the same way about each other, but the timing is all wrong.
      I’ll definitely give it a shot and see what happens anyway, as there’s no harm in trying…

      Will let you know how it pans out.
      Thanks again!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      we’ll love to hear what happens anx thank you too!

  19. Kevyn says:

    I wanted to add something as well
    I’m still in the rapport building process with my ex, but in the meantime I’ve set my Facebook profile posts to be viewable by “friends of friends” instead of fully public, since we have mutuals. So if you aren’t comfortable going fully public, that is an alternative so it’ll allow him to see what you’re doing.

  20. Lisa says:

    Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. Everytime we talk we will argue over little things and he’ll flip flop his mind on what he wants. He will go to my friends saying he wants to be with me but he dosent know what his parents will think about it (he’s really close to his family and likes their approval on everything). Then the other day he’s all asking my friends what I was doing over the weekend and asking who I hung out with. I guess he got mad because he found out I was hanging out with a few guy friends and afterwards blocked me on everything except for texting. I haven’t texted him asking him about it because I know he wants a reaction out of me. I never had been in a situation like this about an ex and I don’t know what to do.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi lisa,

      how old is your ex and how long were you together?

    • Lisa says:

      I’m 18 and he’s 19. And we were together for a little more than 4 months

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Ah, that’s why. He’s still young. He doesn’t have the capacity or the maturity to stand up on his own yet. You can’t force him to do that. That’s for him to learn. The best you can do is try the no contact rule, and just focus in improving yourself.

    • Lisa says:

      I don’t understand why he had to block me and everything. The only thing he didn’t block me on was snapchat and through text. But I’m blocked through Facebook and snapchat

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      more likely it’s to help him hurt less

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