It’s funny, I still remember the days when MySpace was a thing.

(If you don’t know what that is don’t worry, I got your back)

my-space

But then Facebook came along and took over as the social media giant!

And as the years ticked by and Facebook became more and more mainstream it started to work it’s way into relationships. Heck, I suppose I do owe Facebook a debt of gratitude because without it I wouldn’t have met my wife.

(FYI: we met on Facebook!)

Don’t believe me?

Well, here is our very first conversation ever,

screen-shot-2016-09-23-at-12-54-41-pm

Honestly it’s really funny looking back at it but I don’t want to get too off topic here.

As Facebook has worked it’s way into dating there are certain rules that you need to abide by if you want to achieve the maximum results with it.

And that leads us to today’s episode.

A few days ago a woman contacted me and asked a relatively simple question,

I have unfriended my ex on Facebook as a result of the advice of my friends but when I found your website I noticed that you advised against unfriending your ex. What am I supposed to do?

I’m not going to lie.

This is a question that I get all the time and in this episode I tackle it!

Video Of Episode 62 (I Unfriended My Ex Boyfriend On Facebook…)

Let me know in the comments what you think of this episode. I love getting feedback from you guys. What are we doing right? What are we doing wrong?

Please, let us know.

The Situation At Hand

  • The breakup was relatively recent
  • Anonymous (the woman who called in to the podcast) says that his reasoning for the breakup was that work was a big issue
  • He claims “he’s feeling lost.”
  • Her friends suggested that she should unfriend him on Facebook
  • So she did just that
  • She is currently in the midst of a no contact rule
  • She wonders if she should “friend” him on Facebook again
Are You Wasting Your Time With Your Ex?
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What I Talk About In This Episode

  • Facebook is a tool that you can use during the no contact rule
  • In fact, all social media is a tool that you can use
  • The uninformed giving advice
  • Taking what your friend say with a grain of salt
  • The stereotypes that society has about getting an ex back
  • An embarrassing story about me
  • What you should do now that you have unfriended your ex

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Interview Transcript

  • Hey there and welcome to another episode of the exboyfriend recovery podcast.

    As always, excited to have you here. I feel like a broken record every time I start one of this episodes. It’s like the go to phrase. I probably should switch it up a bit huh?

    Anyways we have really, really good episode playing for you today because we’re going to be talking about social media which is something that’s gained a lot of steam and popularity in our specific niche. So, the thing we’re going to talk about specifically is Facebook and we had a woman call in and asked a really, really simple question but I have a lot to say about it.

    I have a pretty really, maybe a little embarrassing story to tell you about it. So, stay tuned for that and let’s just not beat around the bush today. Let’s just get right to it.

    Lets’ hear the woman’s question who called in about Facebook.

  • My boyfriend and I recently broke up because he wasn’t able to be in a relationship right now due to work and work stress and saying that he’s feeling lost.

    As per my friend’s request or suggestions, I unfriended him on Facebook. I read your article just about an hour ago about how I should not have done that. I don’t even know if he and I can get back together and by the way I am doing the no contact right now.

    And if there’s–should I– I don’t know what to do about Facebook. If you could help me, do I just let it go and re-friend him after the 30 day no contact rule? I would appreciate your guidance.

    Thanks.

  • Alright. Well, I’m really glad you brought this question is up because it’s a question that I get a lot.

    As you can imagine we have a half a million people coming to exboyfriend recovery every single month and every single day we get this exact question where you have unfriended your exboyfriend on Facebook or he’s unfriended you and you don’t know how to go about it. So, that’s what I’m going to do for you today. I’m going to tell you exactly what you should do and I also have some thoughts and like I said an embarrassing story to tell you.

    So, first up, let’s do a quick recap of your situation. You called in and you didn’t give your name. So, I’m just going to assume that you want to remain anonymous.

    You have just went through a break up so, it’s a very, very recent which is an important thing to note because generally speaking the longer you are away from your break up and the longer you haven’t had a real conversation with your ex, the harder it is to get him back.

    He says that work was the biggest issue and he couldn’t really have a relationship because of his work. He was feeling lost blah, blah, blah.

    We’ve all heard that story and your friends suggested that you do something really interesting I suppose. I’ll put it that way. Your friends suggested that you should unfriend him on Facebook. So, you did. You unfriended him on Facebook and then you read my article and you saw that I said not to do that and now you kind of find yourself between a rock and a hard place.

    You don’t know what to do.

    Should you re-friend him? Should you wait until after the no contact rule which you mentioned that you just started to try to refriend him and you also had a really interesting question. I think really the gist of this, you want to kind of gauge your chances of getting him back. So, we’ll talk a little bit about that.

    Alright, so the first that thing that I want to really cover is your friends.

    So, your friends gave you some very poor advice. Now, everyone knows that if you’ve coming to my website, reading my website, that I am big on staying friends with your ex after social media because statistics have shown that your ex will probably snoop around your Facebook or your Twitter or whatever other social, Snapchat or whatever other, Instagram– I keep thinking of them, of new social medias as I’m talking.

    Well, chances are your ex is probably going to snoop around those and you can kind of control the narrative and control what he sees and that’s an important thing to do because not only can you project the way you want to be projected to him. It also will give you some quiet confidence I’ve found but your friends gave you some bad advice and I’m really actually glad that you brought this up because this is something that I see a lot of.

    I have dedicated about half a decade to researching break ups and trying to understand the male psyche and what goes through his mind during a break up and why he acts the way he acts. I suppose, if you look at it from a bird’s eye view, I am what you would call a very informed individual when it comes to break ups. It’s something that I deal with pretty much everyday of my life for the last 5 years.

    Now, your friends do not have that ability. They are uninformed when it comes to break ups and the interesting thing about break ups is that there is always this negative stereotypes. Especially when it comes to getting an ex back. People don’t want you to succeed. It’s a weird thing but there’s this negative stereotype behind it.

    You’ve always heard the phrase,

    “Hey, there’s other fish in the sea.”

    or,

    “Oh it’s ok. You’ll find another one. There are a zillion men out there.”

    But you, when you come to the realization that, “No, I want this one man.” Your friends aren’t always going to be supportive. Now, I had an interview which I’ll make sure I’ll write a note to link to it.

    It was with a gentleman by the name of Neil Sattin. He is a professional relationship coach and I interviewed him for this podcast.

    Now, the really cool thing about Neil is he is really into self-healing and he agrees that sometimes it’s really important for two people to be apart in order for them to come to the realization that they need to be together.
    And he mentioned that one of the best things you can do after a break up is to kind of rely on your friends and family.

    And I think this is great advice but he said something and I’m really glad that he said it because I am definitely aligned with him on this. He said take everything that they say to you with a grain of salt. These are people that aren’t dedicated to this area.

    They aren’t dedicated to breakups. They don’t understand the tendencies that people tend to act out when they go through a break up and one of those tendencies and one of those stereotypes is the fact that everyone thinks that you should unfriend your ex on Facebook. Block him on Facebook but in a research and in my personal experience, this is not the way to go.

    Now, you read an article where I mentioned that and I’m really glad that you had the foresight to read the article to get to the point where I did mention that. But it is very important that you not unfriend your ex on Facebook or any other social media because it is a tool for getting him back, assuming that’s what you want to do. Now, your friends are uninformed.

    So, here’s what I want you to do, I want you to rely on them for support but when it comes to your ex in advising you, “Hey, say this.” or “Hey, do this.” Take everything they say with a grain of salt. This are uninformed individuals. I’m not saying that they’re dumb. I’m not saying that their advice is bad. What I’m saying is they are uninformed. They haven’t been doing this for half a decade and I’m trying to think of a really great analogy for you.

    So,  a great analogy would be kind of like if a- if you wanted to become a professional baseball player, would you go to someone who’s just been doing–just started playing baseball for a year or you would go to a professional major league baseball player? Chances are you take the advice from the professional major league baseball player and that’s kind of what we’re doing with here.

    I’m here telling you, “Ok, not a good idea to unfriend your ex. I have experience in this. I’ve dedicated half a decade of my life to this art.” Your friends haven’t dedicated anything. They just probably have their own experience as to go off of and chances are not many of them have gotten their exes back. Now, like I said, it’s not to say that they’re dumb and their advice is bad. Sometimes your friends will have the greatest advice ever but just remember take everything with a grain of salt before you take any action.

    Now, let’s move on to what you should do about the Facebook dilemma that you found yourself in. So, you asked the question, “Ok, what do I do to remedy this situation? Should I just try refriend him right now or wait until a little bit of time goes by?” And my thoughts on this are pretty clear. You’re off to a great start. You’re in the midst of a no contact rule and that no contact rule usually is where you want to utilize the Facebook and all of the social media but here’s the thing. You cannot take your action back of unfriending him on Facebook.

    That is an action that you have basically done. You can’t take it back and it is going to appear to him–because he is going to be paying attention. Make no mistake about it anonymous. If you were to refriend him during the no contact rule when you’re not talking about him, it is a clear action that you are taking that prove to him that you are still thinking about him.

    And one of the reasons that the no contact rule is kind of effective is it projects this persona where it appears to him like you’re not thinking about him and you’ve always heard that phrase, “Men want what they can’t have.” Well, that kind of plays into that. So, it is important that you do not refriend him during the no contact rule.

    Instead, here is my recommendation. I want you to eventually refriend but only after you’ve built rapport after the no contact rule. It’s a natural way of getting him to accept your friend request. Why? Well, imagine this. Imagine you’ve gone through a no contact rule.

    Ok so far so good right there and you’ve started rebuilding rapport through text messages and you’re texting back and forth every single day and he’s enjoying the conversations and you’re enjoying the conversations. Well, re-friending him on Facebook is going to be a lot easier to get him to accept that friend request as opposed to doing it when you’re ignoring him and he could still be angry at you.

    Now, I promised you that I was going to tell an embarrassing story. So, here it is. I mentioned that–maybe I should back up and rephrase this. One of the things that people don’t seem to believe when I tell them that, yes, your ex is going to snoop around your Facebook profile, is they believe that that’s a lie. They don’t believe that he is going to do that. Except research has pointed out that 90% of exes have been proven to do this, Facebook creep on you. So, I’m going to tell you a story about my very first break up and essentially what I did.

    So, I was in a similar situation to you anonymous. My ex and I, even though your break up sounds a little bit amicable and mine was really, really bad. There was yelling, fighting. Nothing was thrown or anything violent like that but inside, mentally, it hurt my feelings and things have been going pretty stale between the two of us for a long time.

    So, the break up was a long time coming and I remember being so upset after the break up that I decided to unfriend my ex after. Like almost immediately after the break up. And I remember thinking to myself, “I am not going to talk to her. I am not going to look at her profile or anything.”

    But of course, it took a full day, one full day. I lasted for one full day without looking at her Facebook profile and then I did. I looked at her Facebook profile. Essentially what I wanted to see was that she was depressed. That she couldn’t live without me.

    That would have given me the greatest satisfaction. And really, it was kind of nothing. She didn’t update her profile for like a week or two which I supposed meant something because this was a girl who updated her Facebook profile pretty much every single day but that–even though it’s embarrassing for me to talk about that.

    Yes, I even stooped to a level where I unfriended my ex. It was very vindictive and the fact that yes, I wanted her to suffer and I did this to hurt her. It is something that I did. It does prove my point that exes do snoop around your Facebook profile.

    So, that is going to do it for this episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast. If you have any question or comments, please feel free to visit the show notes of this episode and ask your questions or comments there.

    If you’re watching this on Youtube and you have a question about Facebook or just exes in general, feel free to comment on our Facebook profile.

    We do our best to respond to every single comment that we get.

    This was a blast! Thank you so much! I’ll see you next time.

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104 thoughts on “EBR 062: I Unfriended My Ex Boyfriend On Facebook… What Do I Do?”

  1. Avatar

    Jade Ivo

    December 10, 2020 at 6:31 am

    Hi chris. Me and my ex girlfriend decided to end the relationship last month, Because I pushed her away, Told her i’m not happy because we’re in this LDR, But that’s not true, Just pushed her away because I felt like i’m dragging her down, Because I felt like she’s gonna be happy without me, But it turns out I made a huge mistake. And when I tried to apologize, she said she have a limit too, and she is tired. And I felt like there’s no chance anymore. We’re engaged, weve been dating for 2 years. She spent time with me for almost a year. We’ve been together 24/7. Now I unfriended her on facebook. Blocked her on my IG because she’s always gonna post these stories that she’s doing well now. Another huge mistake. How can I get her back? Is there still chance? We’re not talking for like 1 month and 2 weeks. And i’m doing the no contact for 2 weeks. How can I get her back? Is there still a way?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 12, 2020 at 8:51 pm

      Hi Jade, yes there could be a way but you need to be patient and understand you need to follow this program and work on getting her back through building your rapport and trust again

  2. Avatar

    Astrid

    April 10, 2020 at 9:22 am

    Hi,
    So I recently went through a break up and I’m doing the no contact rule and following all steps. But one of these days I was feeling very low and asked my friends for advice. I asked them if I should remove pictures of “him and I”. They said I should because it could help my healing process. But I feel like it might of been the wrong thing to do and now not sure what to do because I don’t want him thinking I’m over him..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 18, 2020 at 12:32 pm

      Hey Astrid I wouldn’t worry too much if you have already done this, its just an emotional reaction people do at times. If you are in NC stick with it work on yourself in that time reading and following the Holy Trintiy and apply this to your life

  3. Avatar

    Anonymous

    October 5, 2019 at 10:56 pm

    Hi Shaunna,
    Unfortunately I deleted him off of Facebook when we first went on a break back in August, so I don’t have that as a tool to show him how I’m doing. The only way he can know what I’m up to is if he willingly reached out on his own and asked, and he’s not going to do that. I have active dating profiles – he’s blocked me on the one we matched on on Tuesday, and I blocked him on the other. It’s clear he cut me out of his life, I just don’t understand why. He handled this whole situation so badly. We had a perfect relationship, we just were both facing depression and stress from our own personal situations and the dynamic became unhealthy. Just bad timing. He dragged the break up out over 2 months, 1 month break, then 1 month breakup before he reactivated his dating profiles. And he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and needed to work on himself. What a joke! No way he could magically have worked on himself enough to be ready in 5 weeks. I don’t know what to do now. I have tried so hard to move on and I can’t, because I still feel he is the one, it just was the wrong timing, but I already tried to contact him this week to talk and he ignored me. I don’t think there is anything more I can do, do you? Trying to date but it just is making me feel worse…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 6, 2019 at 2:43 pm

      Hi A, so you are doing the right thing by dating even though you are feeling worse right now. Tell yourself these dates are not for looking for a new relationship or a hook up it is for you to see how different people are. Meeting new people does help you see what you truly want in a partner. From reading your comment, it sounds like youve been broken up for less than 3 months so it is understandable that you think he is the one for you still. And Im not saying he isn’t but if hes blocking you from talking to him then just give ti some solid 30 days minimum before you reach out to him again and try talking to him using a text that Chris suggests. Ones that will hook his curiosity to talk to you

  4. Avatar

    Anonymous

    October 5, 2019 at 4:35 am

    Hi Shaunna,
    So I was going to reach out to him today after almost a month and a half, because I got myself to a good place and felt confident I could try to rekindle contact, but before I could, there he is, right in front of my face, as my match of the day on one of my dating sites. He told me a month ago he didn’t want a relationship and told me he would communicate with me once he decided he wanted to start dating again, whether he wanted to rekindle things or date other people, and he didn’t. No only did he not, but he ghosted me over the past month. I figured I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he thought cuz I didn’t reach out in the last month, I had moved on. So I reached out to him and asked him if we could meet up and talk in person now that we had some time apart. He completely ignored my text and also blocked me on the dating site. I assume that’s my answer, as cowardly as it is. It’s pretty awful honestly. He never properly broke up with me. He kept me hanging on for almost 2 months because he could never say he didn’t want to be with me, only that he needed to work on himself and didn’t want a relationship right now. He said he couldn’t tell me he didn’t want to be with me ever again but didn’t want me waiting for him. But that he would still be in contact with me. He’s such a liar. I’m so unbelievably hurt. I want to call him out on his behavior, to let him know this is not okay, but I don’t think it will do any good. I wish he could be a man and tell me how he feels. I rather hear the real reasons for the breakup than he ghosted.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 5, 2019 at 8:40 pm

      Hi A, Im sorry thats how it played out essentially you need to do the moving on without moving on if you still want him back. But I highly suggest you get to dating and making sure that your social media accounts show that youre living your life now. I dont mean posing photos of you making out with anyone, just showing drinks, meals, and subtle hints that you are with another man casually.

  5. Avatar

    Anonymous

    September 25, 2019 at 6:32 pm

    Hi Shaunna,
    I followed your advice and continued NC. It will be a month in two days. I’m not sure how to proceed then. Because he told me he would still be in contact with me and not go silent on me, but he has in fact ghosted me since, I’m not sure if there is anything more I can do. He’s doing the opposite of what he said he would, so either he was lying and just telling me what I wanted to hear then, or something changed his mind. Even though there are various ways of me reaching out in positive ways, the fact that he broke up with me because he didn’t think I was in a good place – he essentially threw me away, and I am concerned that if I try to continue to be in contact with him, I will be lowering my self respect and worth. If he wanted me in his life, he would be putting in the effort to make that happen at some point. Since I already technically sent him an email apologizing for my behavior after the breakup (a couple days after), I feel like I put things in the best possible position for him to reach out to me when he’s ready, if he wants me in his life. I ended the email by saying “when you’re comfortable I would like to be in contact again”. Essentially shouldn’t I assume that if he doesn’t reach out to me on his own now that that is my answer? I don’t want to put myself in the situation of reaching out first, maybe potentially becoming friendly again, just to find out he doesn’t want to get back together and I will have wasted time and opened up the hurt again. I have no desire to be just friends with him. I rather not have him in my life if we aren’t going to get back together. He made it clear to me that he had no idea how he was going to feel or when he would be ready to date (anyone) again. He still hasn’t reactivated his online dating profiles. He mentioned he had a lot of growing and healing to do within himself as well, as our breakup wasn’t solely because of what I was going through.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 26, 2019 at 9:16 pm

      Hi E, so I wouldn’t assume he doesn’t want you in his life because he hasn’t reached out after NC. Giving him a full NC gives time to get over the feelings he was having during the breakup. Reach out with one of the texts that Chris suggest with curiosity hook and something he is interested in

  6. Avatar

    Anonymous

    September 13, 2019 at 12:28 am

    Hi Shaunna,
    The last time we saw each other was July 27th, before our fight and when we were still very much together, and then the fight was August 2nd and the breakup was dragged out between then and August 25th through his radio silence. We made the breakup official on the 25th when I reached out to talk. That was the convo I explained above when he gave me vague confusing answers and I couldn’t tell how he felt or what he wanted. He seemed to get very frustrated with me the more I pressed him for solid answers. He did, however, promise to stay in contact, which he hasn’t. The last time I reached out was August 27th, with the email I sent apologizing for handling things badly two days prior, and letting him know I wanted him in my life when he was comfortable. It’s been really hard not reaching out since, because I’m afraid since it’s technically been almost 2 months since we broke up, he will move on for good if I wait too long. Is there any benefit in waiting an additional 2 weeks at this point? I don’t understand this magic rule with 30 days. I was thinking of sending him something light to break the ice, such as “I met a couple at the farmer’s market the other day walking their two dogs, Banjo and Kazzoie lol. Thought of you. How are you doing?” (Banjo Kazooie was a video game we used to like to play together)

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 15, 2019 at 12:31 am

      Hi, 100% stick to your NC. No Contact – gives our exes time to forget the negative factors of the relationship (45 for really bad breakups) start to miss us enough to show interest in whats going on with us online. And then enough time for you to focus on yourself to be the best version of yourself and deal with your own emotions after the break up. Look at a few more articles with the text, for example a “Hook” type text

  7. Avatar

    Anonymous

    September 12, 2019 at 5:41 am

    Hi Chris,
    My situation is similar to this woman’s in the article. My ex bf broke up with me because of work stress and relationship stress becoming too much for him. We both were going through tough times at work and taking it out on each other. He dragged the break up over a month of radio silence. After 3 weeks I couldn’t take it anymore, so I contacted him to find out what was up. We had 3 talks over the course of a week or two after that. He said he couldn’t be in a relationship because he was burned out from work and what was going on with us. He said he didn’t want to date anyone (confirmed this because it’s now been almost two months and he still hasn’t reactivated his dating profiles). He said he couldn’t tell me he never wanted to be with me again, but didn’t think it was fair to make me wait, because he didn’t know how long he would feel burned out like this. I asked him if he would be willing to try again when he felt better, and though he said he was open to that for sure, he couldn’t promise it would definitely happen because he didn’t know how he felt or would feel by the time he was ready for a relationship again. I told him I wouldn’t move on until he told me he didn’t want to be with me again. He said he wanted me to do what was best for my happiness, but by no means was he promising he would come back to the dating scene wanting to rekindle. That he had a lot of growing and healing to do and it depended on many factors which he was not clear on yet. He did say he was happy to still be in contact and he promised he wouldn’t ghost me. I kept pushing him more for a concrete answer. I told him it wasn’t fair to leave me hanging like that because he knew I loved him and would wait until I was sure there was no chance (pathetic I know). He told me to let him work on himself and we would see what happens. By the end of the conversation he was getting very irritated and told me the more I asked and microanalyzed the less enthusiastic he became. I let things go, he told me to not overthink and contact him if I had something to say, and he promised to be contact and not go silent. Since then I sent him a text wishing him a nice labor day vacation and an email apologizing for the last convo we had and for stressing him out. I told him I wanted him in my life even if just a friend because he was too important to be, and when he was comfortable to let me know. That was 2.5 weeks ago that we had that last conversation and I sent the email 2 days later. He has ignored me and been radio silent since. So I’m not sure what to think. He promised me he wouldn’t go silent on me or ghost me, and he told me to contact him if I wanted, and he wouldn’t ignore me. But his actions are showing the opposite. I don’t know what to do. I also made the mistake of deleting him off FB when we first when on the break (we discussed this before hand so he was ok with it), so I can’t use social media to find out where his head is at. What should I do? I want him back of course, but at the very least as a friend now. The silence is deafening and I don’t know what it means when he promised me he wouldn’t ghost me.

    1. Shaunna

      Shaunna

      September 12, 2019 at 8:00 pm

      Hey there, as he has been ignoring your messages, I would make sure that there has been a period of 30 days where you haven’t reached out at all, and then start texting him but look up my articles of how to send a great message to your ex. There is also the Texting Bible available if you need the extra help.

  8. Avatar

    Kyntiew

    March 27, 2018 at 2:31 am

    Hey, me and my ex boyfriend broke up because he was not ready to be committed. So the next two days after the break up he went out with a girl. That freaks me out and the next day I saw him since we are working together I asked him back the phone I gifted him on his birthday and he don’t wanna give it back to me instead he asked me to pay him back every penny he spend on me. So I gave him alot alot of cash and I got the phone back and he told me to return back all the stuffs he gave me I did that but he didn’t accept that.. Even after everything happen I still love him… Am I crazy or OMG I just want him back.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:37 am

      You aren’t crazy.

      You are just going through a tough time and conflicting emotions are normal.

      I think though it might be time to start standing up for yourself. You aren’t entitled to pay him back every penny he spent on you. He has no legal precedent to demand that unless I’m missing something here.

    2. Avatar

      Kyntiew

      April 3, 2018 at 1:45 am

      Yes, Chris but I still miss him and I want him back for good… We planned for marriage sometime this year and I just can’t forget him just like that… Should I do the “No contact “?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2018 at 12:39 am

      So, you guys were engaged!

      That’s actually good news. I have a sneaking suspiscion that it makes it a bit easier to get back together.

      And to answer your question yes definitely do the no contact rule.

    4. Avatar

      Kyntiew

      April 4, 2018 at 1:06 am

      Not officially engaged…. My family have approved our love but he haven’t introduced me to his mom yet.

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 10:39 pm

      Need any tips on how to handle that interaction?

    6. Avatar

      Kyntiew

      April 5, 2018 at 11:56 pm

      Of course ! I would love to…

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:34 am

      So, what you want to do is win the woman over as much as you possibly can! Bring a gift of something. You want her to champion your cause.

    8. Avatar

      Kyntiew

      April 7, 2018 at 5:39 am

      Yup….right

    9. Avatar

      Kyntiew

      April 21, 2018 at 1:00 am

      Chris is it right to leave my job since he is now the boss in our office…. I’m thinking of resigning… I just can’t take it anymore its been more than 30 days that we didn’t talk I’ve been in no contact but since nothing changed I just want to forget him forever now….coz I know that it’s impossible for us I guess to get back. I love him way too much I’m confused now don’t know what to do.. I need help!

    10. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2018 at 1:19 am

      Hi Kyntiew! thanks for stopping by. When you are confused and are not sure what you want to do, then you should avoid doing anything rash. I don’t now all the details of your situation, but perhaps there are other options. Is a transfer possible? If you do leave, perhaps it would be best not to do so until you have something else lined up. Another option is to ask for some time off, so you have an opportunity to sort through this. I understand it is upsetting to work around the person you had a falling out with. But take a deep breath and step back for a minute and make sure you think your way through all the angles.

      As far as the possibility of the relationship being resurrected, it would be helpful to have a blueprint on all the things you should consider if you wish to optimize your chances. So take a look at some of my ebooks (website Menu/Products link).

    11. Avatar

      Kyntiew

      April 21, 2018 at 6:57 pm

      Thanks for your suggestion.

    12. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2018 at 11:38 pm

      Your welcome Kyntiew…let me know how this turns out for you!

    13. Avatar

      Kyntiew

      April 25, 2018 at 12:53 am

      Hi, Chris once again so after everything. I had some official work to deal with him. So I spoke to him and he was ready to help me out. He came to my place and helped. After that I received a message from him in Skype saying that you smell good. And I responded thank you. And then I had to call him again for some work and I gave him my seat he was like its hot like u. After our work he came out and he saw me sitting he told me can I join you and I was like OK. So he started talking just like how we met and stuff and out of the blue he told me that he missed me everytime and always wanted to talk to me. He asked me back whether I miss him or not then I told him yes I miss you. He told me that he can’t come back to me he’s not sure of everything but he misses me. So I told him ok. He told me that he’s not ready to marry me, he not ready to be committed. He even told me that he started texting with other girls but he didn’t get any vibe and he stopped coz he keeps remembering me.
      I don’t know what to do. I love him way too much but m acting just like a friend at the moment. This happens after the no contact of 30 days. Please suggest me what to do.

    14. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 25, 2018 at 2:58 am

      Hello again Kyntiew. I think you want to build some more attraction to remind him why he misses you. Some let him initiate contact going forward. He seems to want everything his way and offers you very little certainty around commitment. I discus in my ebook the importance of the “Chase”. Its important to build value in yourself and work on being the best version of yourself….but not for him….but for you. Consider you may not be able to count on him to be the “one”, but that should not stop you from moving forward. Indeed, when he realizes you don’t need him to be happy, that will grow your value even more.

  9. Avatar

    Felicia

    March 25, 2018 at 5:37 am

    I unfriended him on Facebook about a few days ago. He broke up with me on the 5th of March. He stated that he needed to spend time alone but later texted me that he feels that we lost what we had. I had thought we were on break when he said time alone.

    Context for this, we’d been a bit rocky for a month. He said he felt pushed to a dark place and couldn’t handle being there again. He said it was too much stress being there for me, during a depressive period of mine. We fought over simple things, I didn’t like him using his phone during our time together. I had no idea, and it felt like it was building resentment that exploded on the 5th when we said we’d talk. This is our third breakup, the previous two were him being scared of loving me so much. Now, it feels like he fell out of love with me and it’s out of the blue. I thought we could work things out, we’d been doing so well until a month ago.

    I want him back. We’re are each other’s first loves, and he is my first everything. We’re in NC technically except he and I are in a group chat of mutual friends.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:13 am

      I recently did a video about “if men fall out of love with you” and what it means.

      I feel it might be relavent in this situation.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eV9Aj-jLWiQ&t=1s

  10. Avatar

    Patricia

    September 19, 2017 at 2:31 pm

    My ex and I were together for almost 4 years. It was an off an on relationship but either way for this last period we were doing so well.. Then the fights started so we broke up in a “mutual agreement” (actually he didn’t want to break up initially so I broke up with him and after a few hours he told me that maybe it was for the best.) . It’s been two months since the break up. At first I was doing the NC period. He reach out to me a few times after a few weeks of the break up telling me that he wanted to be with me and that he want to work things through but he was taking time to think. Then.. I started texting him but not in the right way. I was jealous, impatient, begging for him to come back and picking fights every week telling him that I don’t even believe him anymore when he said that he loves me and then I deleted him from every social media we shared. A week after this he told me that he never wants to speak to me again, that I hurt him so bad that he doesn’t even think of getting back together anymore. He told me that he doesn’t want to heard my voice again, or anything about me and that he is over me and doing well. It’s been a week since this episode and since we didn’t speak again. After two months of the break up it’s actually the first week we didn’t spoke. I know I hurt him but is it possible to fix this? Was he telling the truth when he all of a sudden didn’t want to be with me anymore? is he over me? or is he just hurt? I’m currently starting again the NC rule but I don’t know if it even work anymore.. I using in the correct way my social media apps but I don’t even have him there so he doesn’t even see anything. I don’t know what to think anymore.. I just want him back

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 11:20 am

      HI Patricia,

      Just do everything right. Make your posts public.. If it doesn’t work out, move on.

  11. Avatar

    Waga

    March 14, 2017 at 5:47 pm

    So…I unfriended my ex a few months ago; due to the fact I had became unhealthily obsessed with his online ness that I couldn’t heal or move on with anything. Our break up completely floored me and it was sort of left uncertain about future reconciliation too. Then I seen something that upset me so my friends urged me to do it to help myself. He reached out to me despite it to apologise for how he’d treated me in the break up. I stupidly rose to it thinking it might mean there something there but he has since made clear he wants to date others “right now” but still wouldn’t completely rule me out (LOL) but now after contact he seems comfortable and I miss having him on social media. I’m now getting hurt via other ways but what do you suggest?! It’s been 15 days since last contact and it always feels so weird we are now in completely different worlds (distance)

    1. Avatar

      Waga

      March 22, 2017 at 7:44 am

      Thank you, but I unfriended him on social media, almost three months ago to aid my recovery….I’m missing him a lot but on day 22 of making no contact. This is the longest period we have gone without messaging to date, so it’s upsetting.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2017 at 2:54 pm

      make your posts public

    3. Avatar

      waga

      March 17, 2017 at 9:21 am

      Thank you. Yes that is what I’m doing..however how will this improvement be portrayed if we don’t have any contact. His ‘gut’ tells him I’m not the one..yet i was also his first gf so he’s pretty inexperienced.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 21, 2017 at 4:07 pm

      you need to be active in posting in social media..that’s your indirect way of showing it..

    5. Avatar

      Waga

      March 16, 2017 at 1:42 pm

      I’m currently like 16 days in to it. I’m not sure what it’ll achieve since there’s distance involved. And the split was six months ago

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2017 at 6:17 pm

      your improvement… That’s the most important aspect of it.. Whether you gwt him back or not, you still have your better self.. The improvement is what will increase the chanes of hin regretting the break up.. That’s why it needs to be genuine…

    7. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2017 at 10:12 am

      Hi Waga,

      do you want to do the no contact rule?

  12. Avatar

    Hana

    March 8, 2017 at 8:44 pm

    we were in distance relation for 3years and suddenly broke up with me in june.2016 and in october .2016 we inter NC . and unfriend each other from social media. he blocked me on whats app but one month ago he unblock me. yesterday i sent him a text via whats app and he replied directly. is it mean any thing ??? by the ways, it was like a cold texts

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2017 at 9:26 am

      Hi Hana,

      what was the text you sent? It could mean he just unblocked you so that it doesn’t seem like he’s still angry with you.

  13. Avatar

    JS

    February 14, 2017 at 9:54 am

    Hi there,

    I was really upset with my ex. He broke up with me but wants to stay friends. I made it very clear to him that I don’t want to stay friends. I started NC of 30 days. But in 3 days he texted me when I didn’t respond he called and eventually I had to answer his calls. He said he cannot do without talking to me but we don’t have a future together. He wants to be friends with me. I don’t want to be friends with him. i got so annoyed with the whole on-off relationship that we were having that I blocked him on all social media except for one fitness app. He wants me to take care of my health and be fit. If i finish a run, he likes that activity. Currently as suggested by Chris I cannot re-friend him on FB or unblock him on whatsapp. Maybe I should start my jogs again. He will definitely see that I am doing what he always asked me to and maybe post pictures on FB that can be viewed by public. so he will be able to see me during NC.
    Honestly blocking him on whatsapp and FB was the only way of keeping him off.
    Should I unblock him or let things be?

    1. Avatar

      JS

      February 15, 2017 at 5:14 am

      Amor, It is really difficult to do NC. I am breaking down each day. I broke the NC in 5 days and texted him if he wants to meet on Valentine’s day and he said NO. he is not angry with me. we broke up because of his parents. so e just wants to move on now.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2017 at 7:10 pm

      well, the more you do nc, the less it can help you. So, it’s either you stick to it, or move on.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 14, 2017 at 8:47 pm

      Hi Js,

      nope, just make your posts public..

  14. Avatar

    Erica

    February 1, 2017 at 9:04 pm

    What if he unfriend on Facebook me during NC? Should I just wait until NC end and then rebuild the rapport and maybe after that befriend him? It is my 10th day now. i sent my last message 10 days ago but no reply. I heard from him last time three weeks ago. Normally I am not so active on Facebook but now I try being more active but I worry if he unfriends me.

    Thanks for a great site!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 2, 2017 at 5:41 pm

      Hi Erica,

      yes, that’s the right approach if he unfriends you..

  15. Avatar

    Dee

    January 31, 2017 at 9:02 pm

    My boyfriend of two years broke up with me during an unexpected fight. We are long distance currently and I isit came back from a good visit. The phone call was 15 minutes of I love you miss you can’t wait to see you and ended with a random fight and him ending things. I melted down and asked him not to end it to talk tomorrow when we aren’t upset and he cancelled my plane ticket while on the phone.
    It’s been a week and a half and he hasn’t changed his relationship status on Facebook. I’m wondering when I should take us out of a relationship? I have it hidden so my relationship status isn’t shown on my page.

    1. Avatar

      Dee

      February 7, 2017 at 6:15 pm

      Isn’t there such thing as a window of opportunity for reconciliation? Like why does it have to Be no contact and let’s play a game and see if we get back together
      Like what if I missed the reconciliation period ?? And that’s why he waited 2+ weeks to change his status ??

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2017 at 11:47 pm

      it depends but more likely if he wasn’t really sure, the nc period would have made him realize that early on, made him panic and asked for you back because he can see he’s losing you because of an unsure move..

      He could have taken 2 weeks because he wants to avoid drama or there was still some feelings but it was not enough to want you back

    3. Avatar

      Dee

      February 7, 2017 at 11:11 am

      So I decided not to change it just to see what happened. We were long distance and I was supposed to be there this weekend so I was thinking maybe he’d miss me and reach out. He didn’t. But he changed his Facebook status tonight ! He took us out of a relationship and then hid the relationship on his page so at least it’s not blaring that it’s single
      I haven’t heard from him since the breakup it has been 18 nights
      I did melt down during the breakup convo but I didn’t reach out to him since. I was going for immediate NC.
      I’m afraid he was waiting for me to reach out !

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2017 at 6:01 pm

      if he’s waiting for you then he would be happy once you initiate after nc

    5. Avatar

      Dee

      February 3, 2017 at 1:42 am

      Well – everyone on his page can?

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 3, 2017 at 5:22 pm

      ah.. ok! if you want to do it foe the purpose of conveying you’re moving on, go..but just a friendly reminder to prepare yourself emotionally if he ever gets angry or does something to match that, just ignore it

    7. Avatar

      Dee

      February 2, 2017 at 4:42 pm

      Wouldn’t changing it show I’m moving on?

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 2, 2017 at 9:04 pm

      yes thats right.. but it could also make him think you’re purposely doing it for him since he’s the only one who can see it right?

    9. Avatar

      Dee

      February 1, 2017 at 5:19 pm

      It still shows on his page tho? Is changing the status considered a “contact?”

    10. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 2, 2017 at 4:22 pm

      not really but if you’re wanting him back, that’s just a small detail.. and if you ever get him back then you would have to change it again

    11. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 1, 2017 at 11:39 am

      Hi Dee,

      if you’re going to do the no contact rule, set aside changing the status.Since it’s also hidden, it wouldn’t really matter that much.. What’s more important is that your active in posting your activities

  16. Avatar

    Dreida

    January 18, 2017 at 12:15 am

    Hello,

    My ex-boyfriend and I dated for approximately 2 years and officially broke up on October 30, 2016, but stayed as “friends” to start from scratch. However, that didn’t work out and we ended everything on January 1, 2017 and I have been doing the NC for 13 days, after begging him for 3 days to not do this (I feel ashamed for this). Out of a few things, the big issue was that we fought a lot, I have a lot of insecurities that came out while we were dating, and he was emotionally unavailable (we lost our emotional connection more than 6 months ago). He said that he needed a change in his life, and that change was for me to not be in his life anymore, but he also said that he hadn’t lost interest which gave me hope, even though he says he doesn’t want to give me false hope. I’ve been trying to let go and move on, but it’s difficult when I believe we are meant to be together and I don’t want to let go nor move on. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes I am feeling well and determined and optimistic, other times I am feeling weak and very pessimistic. So, yesterday, I unfriended him from Facebook thinking that it would be beneficial for me emotionally, that way I don’t stalk him. I am pretty sure he had blocked my Facebook feed anyway, and he had already removed me on Snapchat and stopped following me on Instagram. So, he is 27 years old, and I am 29 years old, my friends say that he is at the age that wants to have fun and is probably not ready for a relationship or doesn’t want one. I got the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery E-book, and it’s pretty interesting and helpful (although, I haven’t finished reading it yet), but I haven’t seen anything about when the other person is emotionally unavailable. And no, he has not contacted me at all, and he probably won’t because he wants me to let go and move on, have no false hopes, he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore (his words); he also has a very strong will, especially when he can detach so easily. I made a lot of mistakes during the relationship, but if he doesn’t want a relationship nor me, is it even worth trying to get him back, or should I just completely forget him, move on and believe what my friends say? I tend to want to fix things, especially when it was mostly my fault the relationship wasn’t happier, but I can’t help him if he doesn’t want my help, and if he doesn’t want me, then, is there even a chance to get him back?

    1. Avatar

      Dredia

      January 23, 2017 at 3:46 pm

      I am still undecided if to go for 30 or 45 days in the NC, but when it’s over, should I reach out to him even though he hasn’t contacted me, or just let things be and keep moving on? And how we’ll he think that I have moved on if I unfriended him from social media?

      Thank you for your help, Amor.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 12:20 pm

      Don’t send a friend request during nc.. Do it after nc when you’ve built enough rapport. I think you should make it 45 days.. Make your posts public, so that he can see it through mutual friends or when he gets curious. That’s your indirect way of showing your improvements.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2017 at 5:06 pm

      Hi Dreida,

      approach it like he has moved on.. take this as a restart and think of it as attracting him back..you’re right, he has to think you have moved on..So be active in improving yourself

  17. Avatar

    Jorda

    November 8, 2016 at 11:44 am

    Hello ex-boyfriend recovery!
    After the breakup and me begging him to not leave, I went into no contact. I responded to some important letters (my address, business stuff) to get things out of the way. A month after the breakup, he decided he wants to talk to me an arrange to meet up. I was very down-to-earth and didn’t let emotions rule over me. I was pretty neutral, saying ”yeah, sure we can hang out and grab a coffee, smoke together, sure we can remain friends”. He wrote me a few days after with some book recommendation and I ignored it. I wrote him a week later asking him how he is doing (he suffers from PTSD and a few other mental issues and I honestly do care about his health, which was the main reason we broke up – he needed to fix himself).
    He said he was fine, etc, etc. I didn’t respond. One day I was a little caught up into my own feelings and decided that I have had enough. I felt like seeing him in my friends’ list was only making it worse. I unfollowed him on Twitter, deleted his Messanger ID, deleted him on facebook (although my facebook posts are always profile for business reasons), a month after that he wrote me asking me if I am upset and why I suddenly deleted him if we were ”okay”. I told him I was not upset.
    He wrote me saying that he was confused why I did it. I didn’t reply. A few days later I decided to write him, apologized for the short letter, ; I was not home. Told him that I am doing great, etc, etc, wanted to see how he was.
    He replied: I am happy for you, that is awesome, but that doesn’t answer my question as to why you unfriended me.”

    I have absolutely no idea how to let him see that I am focusing on MYSELF without telling him something mean, desperate, or something that would push him away. I deleted him because it was weighing down on me and not letting me move on and focus on myself, the no contact for a month had helped me become independant and, although I miss him and want him to come back, I want him to see the better me, the happy, the confident me – the me that I had lost in the relationship but the me that he would still desire.

    How to handle things from now on?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 11, 2016 at 8:29 pm

      Hi Jorda,

      You can say:

      I’m sorry I didn’t address that immediately. I didn’t do it to upset you, but I had to do it to completely move on.

  18. Avatar

    kay

    November 2, 2016 at 5:12 pm

    okay so I haven’t unfounded my ex on Facebook but i am STRONGLY considering deleting him on instagram. I can see every time he likes a female’s photo and it honestly bothers me way too much, and is really starting to hurt my self esteem. I am in no contact and trying not to think about him but Instagram bothers me almost everyday. Can I delete him? I dont see why not? Maybe it will piss him off and thats what he needs.

    1. Avatar

      Krissy d

      November 3, 2016 at 7:50 pm

      But do you think it will harm my chances with him?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 5, 2016 at 10:31 pm

      You can add him back when you’ve built rapport later on.. because if it helps you more when you delete, go for it. But if you can find a way around it,not deleting him, then better.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 3, 2016 at 5:29 pm

      if it helps you emotionally, sure.

  19. Avatar

    Lexi

    October 24, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    Hi,
    So I’ve been in this back and forth relationship with this guy since the beginning of February (like 6-8 months). We met in February, but didn’t date till March because I found out when we started seeing each other that he had a girlfriend. Were together for three weeks when I found out he was talking to other girls on Tinder, I forgave him, and then a week later he broke up with me because he felt he shouldn’t be in a relationship at the moment (this is at the end of April). Two weeks go by and we’re pretty much in LC, just to get my things back from his house. In the week before I left college for the summer (first week of may), I was still getting things from there, and we ended up hooking up and spending a few days together.

    I left for the summer and it seemed it was a constant back and forth with him. He would call/text then avoid me, he’d make plans and then cancel them, he’d hit on my closest friends, and overall was a dick to me. However, I was still seriously into him so I was always there whenever he did contact me. In the end of the summer right before I moved back he asked me to be his girlfriend again, I was a little reluctant but after a few days, being afraid to lose my opportunity, I took him back. I kinda knew it would happen again, but I just wanted it so bad. The first three weeks were good and then the final week he just stopped talking to me, so I told him he just needed to end it now if he was gonna end it. He sent me a vague text on how he didn’t want to string me along and he needed to figure out his life. I didn’t realize we had actually broken up when I tried to confirm it the next day and he ignored my call. I went silent for two weeks after and then contacted him to get my stuff back from his house. After that he spoke to me a few times scattered in the next couple of weeks. First just friendly, then a sexual favor (which I ignored), and finally the last time we spoke which he was going to bring me my belt and then he suddenly forgot where it was and then just tried to talk to me all day.

    A week later I was obsessively going through social media and saw that he was constantly liking this one girl’s pictures and Facebook posts, starting from around the time he broke up with me. I figured then that it was time for me to go NO CONTACT. I deleted/unfollowed him on all social networks and deleted his number out of my phone so I wouldn’t be able to contact him. I’m on day 15 of this no contact, and I have a few questions.

    I was going to do what I heard was called the 8 week challenge which is like 56 days of no contact, is that too long?

    Second, what do you think about the whole situation in itself? Should I even try for this? I just have a feeling about this guy, and it’s not that I’m afraid of finding someone else because I know that’s possible it’s just a feeling.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 26, 2016 at 10:26 am

      Hi Lexi,

      that’s good that you’re in no contact..be active in improving yourself and be activw in social media too..for us, the longest most of the time 45 days..Try that first, so you can reflect if you really want him back.. Do new things too. Join a short course or volunteer or a club to make new friends..

  20. Avatar

    Liz

    October 19, 2016 at 3:53 am

    Initially, I received messages about something going on between the two of them apparent sent by her. He lied about things, wasn’t forthcoming with info, and walked away without explaining all of this. That’s the reason I went the family (they knew the other girl). He go upset with me because I let them know what he was doing basically and his game was up. So, he apparently let her go along with blaming me and let me go too. Or has he really let her go? Either way, he’s not communicating with me.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 20, 2016 at 8:08 pm

      well whatever he did with her,.it looks like he’s ok with starting out as friends but not now.. I think he wants to be sure that you’ve moved on..

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