About a year ago I announced on my podcast that I was considering doing coaching. Of course, that coaching was going to be paid.
But that all changed a few months ago when I was sitting with my wife in my office and I asked her one simple question,
I want to create content that blows people away. Something that they have never seen before…
That’s when she suggested that instead of asking people for money to coach them that I do it for free.
I’ll admit, it took me a little while to fully wrap my head around the idea because no relationship consultant, dating coach or match maker would ever do what they do for free.
But I guess we do 😉 .
That’s what makes us different.
That’s why people trust us and continually come back to visit this site.
Whitney was someone who I had been helping for about a month so I knew her situation pretty well. I had identified her as a potential coaching client because her situation was interesting enough to feature.
After some bartering back and forth we agreed that she would be the ideal first live coaching client that I would take on. Here’s the video of our session,
Now, the thing that I am expecting you to get out of this is the simple fact that this is free.
Also, I am doing these live coaching sessions to prove a point.
The Point I Want To Prove: That out of all the “get your ex back” people out there I am pretty much the only one who has the guts to get on camera and coach someone.
My belief has always been that the proof is in the pudding and someone shouldn’t be a coach to someone if they don’t know what they are doing.
In other words, I am trying to show you through actions that I know what I am talking about.
But enough of the “power trip” by me.
Let’s take a look at Whitney’s situation.
Whitney’s “In-Depth” Situation
Before we started our one hour live session I asked Whitney to send me anything she could to help me better her chances.
Well, she did just that.
She did just that in spades.
I remember opening up my email and receiving this uber long PDF document highlighting all of their important dates. Now, normally I would attach this document so you could see it with your own eyes. However, it’s important that we respect Whitney’s privacy.
So instead, I would like to show you the notes I took on her situation.
But before I do that I would like to let you in on what really is confusing Whitney.
Whitney want’s to know how to handle the first interaction with her ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.
That’s really where she stuck and really what we talked a lot about during this live coaching session.
Ok, so here is a quick rundown of her situation,
- Whitney and her boyfriend were madly in love
- He actually ended up flying her across the country to meet his parents
- Things seemed to be going so well until “out of the blue” he broke up with her
- Whitney guessed that the reasons for the breakup may have been the new roommates he had or a very serious health condition that he contracted
Hmm… you know what. We do a much better job of covering her situation in the actual recording so I will just leave it there.
I’d like to show you the notes I took on her situation
Looking at Whitney’s situation I can tell that there are going to be some major “headwinds” that she is going to face when it comes to getting him back.
The Major Headwind’s She Will Face
Headwind #1: Why Did He Really Break Up With Her?
Things seemed to be going so well and then “all of a sudden” he does a complete 180 and breaks up with her, why?
The Potential Reasons For Break Up:
- The Health Condition (We have some evidence backing this up)
- Going Too Fast, Too Soon (Not enough “chase” anymore.)
- Something Unknown (Worst case scenario)
Headwind #2: Did You Date Long Enough To Form A Lasting Connection
Generally the better/stronger the connection that you have with your ex the easier it is to get them back.
She dated her ex for a little under two months. This probably wasn’t enough time to build a super strong connection.
So, we are going to have to find a way to make him establish more of a connection with her. We are going to try to weave that within her conversations with him.
My Personal Questions For Whitney
- What are your overall goals for a relationship with him? (Marriage, just dating and seeing where it goes?)
- Is there a major age difference between the two of you?
- Why do you want him back? What is your main reasons for wanting him back?
Side Note: Most of the words written beyond this point are reminders to me on what to teach her during the live coaching call.
Whitney is actually in the minority of people who have approached the no contact rule in the right way. Make sure to congratulate her.
Make sure you make her list out every positive thing that she did during the no contact rule.
Has she utilized “The Holy Trinity?”
Emphasize the “Dating Yourself” philosophy to see if this is someone who she really wants to put the effort into winning back.
This seems to be where Whitney is stuck. She is afraid to start a conversation with her ex.
Her Goal With Texting Should Be…
The Tide Theory Mentality: Slowly but surely advancing the conversation intensity and frequency
The ultimate goal here is to get back on the speaking terms with her ex. Much like she was at the beginning of the relationship. However, I want her to be utilizing a few principles throughout the period that she attempts this.
Interdependence Theory: Teach her about the interdependence theory to highlight why he wouldn’t commit. Basically the interdependence theory states that human beings commit to each other based on a cost and benefit scenario. We try to maximize the benefits and minimize the costs. Three main factors are looked at,
- Satisfaction: Seemed high in his relationship with Whitney
- Alternatives: Average! I would say due to the fact that he might have wanted to live it up because of the health condition thing
- Investment: Low… 2 months dating?
Whitney can utilize her conversations with him to improve satisfaction, lower his alternatives and improve his investment in you
The other thing I want her to weave into her conversations is to utilize “The Peak-End Rule”
Peak-End Rule: Human beings usually remember an experience based on the peak of it and the end of it. Since you have such a STRONG peak and such an amicable end I think she would do well by doing subtle things to reinforce her peak or things that make him remember it.
Finally, I need to teach her how to construct a perfect first contact text message utilizing the following factors,
- Action Phrase
- The Tie In (Optional)
The Results Of Our Coaching Session
Almost immediately after I had stopped recording our live coaching session Whitney wanted to try out the first contact text message that we had constructed on the coaching call.
I literally watched as she sent it to her ex.
Do you think he replied?
Of course he did!
I got this email from Whitney,
With this text message attached to it,