I am a huge proponent of the no contact rule and have thousands of successful client stories about it, but I’ve never addressed one specific type of no contact rule – the indefinite no contact rule.
This kind of no contact rule situation is actually fairly common, so today, I’m going to walk you through it.
By the end of this article, you’ll know about the three types of no contact rules and which one you should be using according to your specific situation.
Let’s dive in!
To understand the indefinite no contact rule, you must first know about the different types of no contact rules.
The Three Types Of No Contact Rules
In general, there are three main types of no contact rules that you may be considering using on your ex:
Each type of no contact rule has certain modifications for specific situations because every breakup is different, so there’s no one perfect formula that applies to them all.
Let’s get into some more details about the no contact rules and why you should use each of them.
The Standard No Contact Rule
This is the basic standard no contact rule that you use if you want to get your ex back.
It simply entails ignoring your ex, no matter what happens, for 21-45 days.
By the end of that period, you’re trying to attain two goals: getting your ex to miss you and trying to reshape your life in the way that you want it to be shaped, so you’re the number one priority.
Think about it – this time of self-reflection and self-love makes it so when you talk to your ex after that period, he sees you as a completely new person, potentially even someone he wants to get back with.
The Limited No Contact Rule
Here’s where things get a little complicated.
There aren’t many differences between this and the standard no contact rule because the purpose of both is to make your ex miss you and give you time to restructure and cultivate a better life for yourself.
There’s one caveat with the limited no contact rule though – everyone can’t cut their ex out from their life entirely, so that’s where the limited no contact rule shines best.
Imagine a situation of having children with your ex or seeing them at work every day or even at home.
The limited no contact rule, therefore, allows you to break the rule for specific moments when it’s absolutely unavoidable. You’re still human, after all, and might need to keep cordial relations with your ex based on your circumstances.
For example, let’s say you and your ex shared a child together, and your child gets injured on the playground, and you have to rush them to the hospital. That’s definitely a situation where you’re socially and morally obligated to tell your ex what happened. As a parent, they need to know what’s happening in their child’s life.
But beware because some people can take advantage of this so do not be that person.
Don’t try to look for excuses to break the no contact rule where there are none.
So, to repeat: you are only allowed to break the no contact rule in UNAVOIDABLE circumstances.
The Indefinite No Contact Rule
After letting this concept stew in my mind for a bit since I’d never tried defining it formally, I came to the ultimate description based on the dictionary definition of indefinite.
The dictionary defines indefinite as lasting for an unknown or unstated length of time.
Here’s where things get interested in your standard no contact rule. Imagine you’re enacting a 30-day standard no contact rule, and on day 21, you realize you’re living your best life and are really beginning to enjoy your time in the no contact rule.
So, the thirty days go by and you find yourself feeling great emotionally and physically so you might not even want to approach your ex again just yet.
What do you do then?
When the time to break your no contact rule arrives, you just let it go for an indefinite amount of time.
You don’t know when your rule will end. The ball is in your court now.
You can decide if and when you talk to your ex again. In fact, most people who take the no contact rule seriously find themselves enjoying it so much that they don’t even speak to their ex at all!
Let’s dig deeper into this.
What Are The Rules To Know That You’re Read For Indefinite No Contact?
There are actually two things you need to do if you’re going to do an indefinite no contact rule:
1. You start off with a standard or limited no contact rule, and you see it perfectly to the very end without faltering.
Your mind changes throughout the no contact rule, so you need to let it take its course and tell you what it needs next. During the no contact rule, you will have moments where you want to text your ex urgently, and you’ll also have moments where you forget about their existence. Such mood swings are exactly why you need to let the no contact period finish so your mind can strike a balance between them.
2. Before you make the decision to extend your no contact period, you MUST be in a better place emotionally.
Ever heard the saying that when emotions run high logic runs low? That’s the case during a no-contact period. You need to think with logic and not emotions while making this decision.
What does it mean to be in a better emotional place, though?
Well, first off, use the no contact rule well. Sulking around and doing nothing isn’t the best way to spend your time. The point is to have an active no contact rule where YOU are the number one priority, so you need to let your focus shift back onto yourself.
Here are some things you want to have accomplished during your no contact period before you’re ready for an indefinite no contact rule.
Find a safe space to let your emotions out.
We all have a lot of pent up emotions after a breakup, and those make us volatile and might even preemptively pish us back to your ex. So, you need to find somewhere to channel those. Think close friends and family, but if you feel uncomfortable with those, our Facebook page is a great resource in this step too!
Take control of areas of your life that you haven’t been able to
This could be something as little as going to see a horror movie in theaters because you couldn’t do it with your ex.
It could also be something major like your choice in clothing in case your ex was always trying to tell you what’s okay to wear and what isn’t.
Treat yourself right
A big part of putting yourself first is treating yourself in the best way. Take a spa day if that helps you do this or just take a long drive that lets you reconnect with yourself.
Eat and sleep properly
Physical well-being is a huge part of emotional well-being, so you need to truly nurture your body to allow your mind some emotional peace too.
The decision to enact an indefinite no contact rule should not be made lightly, so let’s recap how to tell if you’re ready for it.
- First off, you need to have completed the standard or limited no contact rule without making any unnecessary exemptions.
- You need to allow your brain to process your emotions and calm down, and that requires strict adherence to the no contact rule throughout the process.
- You must also make sure that you’re in a good place emotionally before you make the decision. If you haven’t been able to prioritize yourself during the no contact rule, then you should work on that first.
Only after accomplishing these two things can you decide whether you want to speak to your ex and end the no contact rule or if you want to keep it going as long as you wish.