Want to show your ex that you are changing?
Then you’re in the right place.
Because today I’m going to tell you 6 powerful ways/mindset shifts that you can use to show your ex that you’ve turned over a new leaf.
The best part?
Let’s get started!
5 Ways To Show Your Ex That You Are Changing?
There’s a common misconception that a lot of people have about “changing” for an ex.
People seem to be under the impression that they need to change themselves.
To change how they are or how they act.
I think that is a dangerous line of thinking to curate. Instead, I often tell the people that I work with that they shouldn’t ever change themselves for another human being. Instead, I think it’s important to improve themselves as evidenced in my most popular guide..
And that’s what I am going to show you.
Instead, of picking on different behaviors and telling you to “change it” I’m going to show you how to improve it.
In all there are five things I’d like to discuss with you today,
- Do A Relationship Inventory
- Improve Any Trust Issues
- Grasp That Reality And Expectations Don’t Always Meet
- Understand And Improve Compatibility Issues
- Work On The Communication Issues You May Have
The more you get to know me the more you’ll see that I like to go above and beyond for my readers.
And I’m not changing (see what I did there?) that behavior just yet.
I’m going to take a good hard look at each one of these things and show you how they can be improved.
Change #1: Do A Relationship Inventory
Have you ever heard that phrase,
History repeats itself?
How could you not?
It’s one of the most popular phrases out there.
The meaning is relatively simple to catch, if something is done once then there is a high probability that it’ll happen again.
Well, I want you to go to town on that phrase and take a good hard look at your own relationships.
Specifically the breakups.
Did you notice a common theme?
Here is what you are looking for?
- Insecurity issues on your part
- Flirting too much with someone else
- Being too overbearing
- You get the picture
Why would I have you do this exercise?
Because often if you can find a set of behaviors that have negatively impacted your past relationship then it’s a pretty good bet that they will continue to do so.
I look at relationships in an interesting way.
Each romantic relationship I’ve ever had in my life has taught me something.
I’ll give you an example,
In this graphic you’ll notice that I took something to better myself in each relationship.
- With the very first one I learned about insecurity because I let my own insecurities take over and ruin the relationship.
- With the second relationship I didn’t exactly learn my lesson and didn’t have the most trust in the world which of course ruined the relationship
- The third relationship taught me to not be desperate and make sure I do a better job picking my potential partner
After each relationship I took what I learned and applied it to the next relationship.
Eventually after doing this a few times I was ready to find my wife and here we are!
The big mistake I see people making time and time again is that they keep repeating the same mistakes from relationship to relationship.
They don’t change or improve the offending behavior.
Change #2: Improve Any Trust Issues
I talked a bit about this with change #1, didn’t I?
Well, that is because it’s such a common thing I see that can absolutely ruin things.
Trust issues and insecurity go hand in hand in my experience
I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve worked with that have told me their stories and I just sit there and think,
If this person wasn’t so insecure and had a little more trust they’d still be with their ex.
It’s actually quite frustrating.
But trust can also go both ways.
It’s entirely possible to do something that freaks your ex so much they run for the door as fast as possible.
Do you know what I’m talking about?
Cheating, specifically you cheating on them.
Nothing kills trust more than cheating.
So, how do you rebuild that trust?
Well, my best advice for you is to actually watch this video,
You’re welcome 🙂 .
Change #3: Grasp That Reality And Expectations Don’t Always Meet
In my opinion the best romantic movie of all time is 500 days of summer and I’m willing to rap battle anyone who thinks any different.
Anyways, I’m such a fan of it because I think it touches on so many relevant things that most of us go through in our romantic lives at least once.
However, there is one scene in it in particular that sticks out and that we can use as a lesson.
It’s this little ditty right here,
Let me do some set up here.
You’ve got a guy who is madly in love with a girl and wants to win her back (sound familiar?)
Anyways, the girl invites the guy to a party that she is hosting and he starts daydreaming on what it will be like seeing her again. He expects that everything he utters will be captivating and will hold the key to his ultimate success in winning her back.
Reality goes a bit differently as the poor guy realizes that she is actually engaged.
Sometimes what we expect to happen can create our own misery when it doesn’t
I see this exact scenario play out on an almost daily basis in our private facebook support group where someones expectations become so unrealistic they are disappointed with reality even when reality is pretty good.
So, what is the big change here?
I want you to change your mindset on expectations.
Start living in reality!
Change #4: Understand And Improve Compatibility Issues
Are you familiar with my wavelength theory?
In a nutshell it goes like this,
Essentially you are looking for a romantic partner that you can be on the same wavelength with.
The problem is, since starting Ex Boyfriend Recovery and seeing thousands of relationships I find that most couples aren’t on the same wavelength.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say Dean and Sarah are dating.
(I just randomly made up names so bear with me here.)
Sarah wants nothing more than for Dean to propose. They’ve been dating for three years after all.
The problem is that Dean hasn’t shown any interest in advancing the relationship to that level.
And yet here is Sarah pushing him to go look at rings.
It also comes as a complete shock to her when he eventually breaks up with her.
Because she is living on a different wavelength.
Relationships are meant to be mutual
Mutual relationships live on the same wavelength.
Failed relationships live on different wavelengths.
One of the best pieces of advice that I can give you is to actually take a look at your overall relationship goals and see if they match with your exes.
If they don’t then you probably need to work to make sure that they do.
Change #5: Work On The Communication Issues That You May Have
Communication is an interesting topic.
When most people talk about it the assumption is that one party sucks at it and the other is good.
I’m here to tell you that you are wearing blinders if you only look at the situation that way.
Here’s the best way I can describe it,
I want you to view communication as a spectrum.
On one side of the spectrum you have the people who aren’t good at communicating,
- They can’t tell you what they want
- Aren’t good at communicating their needs
- Often are silent and let things boil
On the other side of the spectrum you have the people who are too good at communicating,
- They do tell you what they want
- Are great at communicating their needs
- Are not silent when there are problems
So, where should you fall in the spectrum?
Well, clearly you shouldn’t fall on the bad side of the spectrum but don’t fool yourself into thinking that you should fall completely on the good side as well.
Sounds weird, right?
I’ll give you an example that is literally happening to me right now.
As many of you know I coach people for a living.
One thing I do for my clients (not all the time anymore) is communicate with them in the moment when they are having a tough time. I started writing this article about an hour and a half ago. As I began writing one of my clients had a bit of a breakdown and reached out to me.
I told them very clearly that I wouldn’t be able to answer them as I had things to do today.
Out of curiosity, as I was writing this section, I checked my messages to see if they had disregarded my response.
I have an additional 20 messages sent from this one person.
This is an example of someone who is very good at communicating… too good.
It can actually be a turn off if you are too overwhelming so ideally you want to aim to be right around here when it comes to the spectrum,
You aren’t TOO good at communicating you are just good at communicating.
That’s probably the best way I can think of to describe this because a lot of it is going to be based on feel.
Lets do a quick round up for the lazy people who didn’t read and skipped to the end.
I’m just kidding!
Here’s everything you need to be taking from this article,
- Make sure you do a relationship inventory and look at if you have consistent breakup behaviors
- Shore up any trust issues you may have and do what you can to ease your exes trust issues (see the video above for more information on how to do that
- The movie 500 Days of Summer teaches us a lot about relationships
- Sometimes our expectations set us up for heartbreak, don’t get seduced by it
- Pay attention to your exes wavelength. If the two of you are too far apart you might have a massive problem
- Ensure that you understand the communication spectrum and where you need to be falling on it
I’m under no illusions that some of what I talked about today might be very complicated and might be too advanced for you to fully grasp. If you have any questions about anything I talked about here or need further clarification make sure you comment below.