Today we’re going to talk about what to do if your ex contacts you during a No Contact Rule.

But first, I want you to stop everything you’re doing and answer one simple question.

Do you even think you have a chance of getting back with your ex?

Assuming that’s what you want to use your No Contact Rule for, and if you don’t have a clear answer to that question, I’ve got great news. I’ve put together a special resource on this website to help you – a free, simple quiz to tell you exactly what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back.

Give it a go, then come back and read on.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

What Do You Do If You’re Doing No Contact And Your Ex Texts You?

The first thing we should do is define what we consider to be a No Contact Rule.

The No Contact Rule is a predetermined amount of time during which you cut off all communication with your ex, without explanation.

When I teach this rule to people, their first reaction is often:

“Wait, won’t that make my ex really angry?”

Well, yes – that’s kind of the point.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if your ex is angry (or upset, sad or anything else) with you, because if you do it right, No Contact will set you up for a situation where everything’s going to snowball in your favor when you do finally get in contact with your ex.

In the meantime, your ex has the chance to recover from the breakup and forget some of the negative emotions and memories associated with it, and with you. He has the chance to miss you.

Another common reaction is:

“Wait, won’t that mean my ex will just forget me and move on?”

In fact, our research shows that he’s more likely to be wondering why you have suddenly stopped contacting him, and why you seem to be doing so well after the breakup (because you will, of course, be using your No Contact Rule time to live your best life and recover from the breakup yourself).

For more worries about what he’s thinking during No Contact and how it works on an ex, try reading my article The Psychology Of A Man During The No Contact Rule.

The No Contact Rule really is the best first step (after my free quiz, of course!) to getting your ex back.

There’s just one problem.

The Biggest Problem With The No Contact Rule

Most people who try the No Contact Rule will break it.

That’s because the No Contact Rule is hard.

You will want to contact your ex, because you are missing them.

And if your ex contacts you first? It’s going to be extremely hard not to reply, because you crave communication with that person.

Your mind is trying to find ways to process this breakup, and it will find interesting ways to rationalise why you should get back in contact with your ex.

My mantra is K.I.S.S. – Keep It Super Simple.

Here’s the super simple view of the No Contact Rule.

There’s only one rule that you have to follow.

Do Not Break It!

That means you will not be responding to any;

  • text messages
  • phone calls
  • emails, likes,
  • snaps

Or any type of correspondence from your ex that they might send through any channel.

It can be extremely difficult if you receive a text message or email from your ex to sit there and say, you know what, I’m going to ignore it. What’s the big deal, you might think, if I respond?

The Consequence If You Respond To Your Ex

There are consequences if you really want this No Contact Rule to work.

If you break your No Contact Rule prematurely before your predetermined length of time, you need to start over from Day 1.

And starting over means another round of No Contact, which means even more time when you can’t speak to the person you want to talk to more than anything.

Remember that No Contact doesn’t last forever (unless you decide you want it to!). So don’t prolong the agony by messing it up and having to start again.

And don’t dilute its effectiveness by restarting, then contacting, then restarting.

Actually Let’s Talk About Diluting The No Contact Rule If You Break It Early

Right, so let’s say you’ve gotten 21 days through the No Contact Rule and on Day 22 you ex reaches out to you, begging to talk to you.

You break the No Contact Rule, message him and start a conversation.

What do you do? Well, you have to restart your No Contact Rule over from the get go.

Don’t be surprised if your ex gets mad, starts calling you mean names, gets upset because you’re ignoring him on his birthday, even bangs on your door.

These are all really good signs that No Contact is working. These are all common reactions, and show that he is having an emotional reaction to your withdrawal.

You must still not respond.

If you feel bad about this, if you are ignoring him and it’s his birthday, or he’s broken down and wants your help, or whatever, just remember that he dumped you (or treated you so badly you had to leave him).

He hurt you, and while it’s not about tit-for-tat, he does need to realize that things are not okay, and that there are consequences to the breakup.

So do not respond.

What If He Wants His Stuff?

There are a couple of situations where ignoring him might not be possible – if he turns up and you are face to face, or if he asks to get his belongings back (or you need something important or valuable back from him).

If you need to exchange belongings, you can break No Contact for this and not have to restart.

If you refuse a reasonable request, you would seem rude and obstinate; not very helpful if you want to get back together.

If you want something back, make sure it’s something worth it – don’t just use it as an excuse to see him. You don’t need to get your old t-shirt or toothbrush back. Leave it. If he wants something back, be gracious about it and agree to meet him to exchange. If he doesn’t want to do it face to face, respect that.

When you do see him, keep the interaction short and sweet. Look your best, be nice, but don’t linger or ask him questions. You are busy getting on with your life.

What If He Turns Up?

If he turns up suddenly wherever you are and you have to talk to him or you would appear completely rude – the same rules apply.

If you are out and about, I will assume you are being the Ungettable Girl and looking the best you can. That’s step one covered.

Be happy, bubbly and positive.

Answer his questions, but don’t engage him in any extra conversation. So, if he asks how you are, tell him you are great, thanks. Don’t then ask him how he is, or what he’s been up to, or if his sister went to that salon you recommended… Keep the conversation short and sweet.

If he asks you why you are ignoring him/being childish/being mean or tries to start an argument, avoid reacting. Smile a natural smile and say, “I’m not ignoring you. I’m just focusing on myself and my life.” Or something similar.

Be the one to end the conversation. You can say something like, “I have to get back now. Nice to see you,” then leave. You want to leave him wanting more. If he hasn’t had all his questions answered, he will be even more curious.

He’s caught you out, but you can still come out of it with the upper hand.

Note that most exes don’t contact during the No Contact period. This doesn’t mean they don’t care or that they have forgotten about you. Want to know more about what’s going on in his brain while you are laying that No Contact on him? Here’s another article all about it.

So Why Does The No Contact Rule Work?

Well, by ignoring your ex, you’re stirring up his curiosity. There’s no explanation why for all of a sudden you began to ignore him.

Especially if you were gnatting him beforehand (bothering him constantly, like an annoying little fly).

Especially if he asked you repeatedly to leave him alone, and you didn’t…then suddenly, there’s radio silence.

And most especially if, at the same time as rebuffing all contact, you are seemingly having the time of your life and not wallowing in the usual post-breakup misery.

He becomes curious.

He can’t live without knowing why you’re not trying to talk to him. He wonders why you aren’t at home crying every night. His male pride will be smarting at least a little bit.

He will feel the need to fight against the change, even if he doesn’t understand why he is feeling this way.

Now the issue is that if you break your own No Contact Rule by responding to any messages, you undermine the effectiveness of the Rule. Instead of thinking that he doesn’t know what’s going on and becoming more curious, if you respond, you are reassuring him.

His curiosity disappears. He’ll sit and think you know what? She’s probably wanting me back. She’s probably chasing me. I can get her to talk to me anytime I want. I’ve still got her if I want her.

You don’t want your ex to think that.

The Grey Areas And The Limited No Contact Rule

I’m a big believer that there are no absolutes in life. Oftentimes you find the answers you need in the grey areas.

That can certainly be true with a No Contact Rule. There are some circumstances where you’re going to be forced to modify your No Contact Rule into a Limited No Contact Rule.

So what is the Limited No Contact Rule?

Limited No Contact is a predetermined amount of time after specific types of breakups where you cut off all communication except on essential matters.

Now, I made a big stink about the one rule with a No Contact Rule being, do not contact.

Here’s that grey area. There are certain situations you will find yourself in where you’re just not going to be able to use the No Contact Rule in its purest form. Instead you must use the Limited No Contact Rule.

Here’s where people get messed up. They try to rationalise the fact that they need to go into Limited No Contact Rule so they don’t have to do the full No Contact Rule.

This is a bad idea. Full No Contact, where possible, gives you the best chance of having your ex go through all the stages of post-breakup thinking regarding you, from anger and pain through to the curiosity we were just talking about, then hopefully regret and a desire to connect with you again.

So don’t kid yourself that Limited No Contact will be best for you. That’s not how it works. You are either in a No Contact circumstance or you are in a Limited No Contact circumstance. In this case it is black and white.

There are no ways to turn things from a No Contact Rule into a Limited No Contact rule. It just doesn’t work like that.

If you are in one of the scenarios below, you can utlise the Limited No Contact Rule. If not, you can’t – so don’t try to wriggle out of full No Contact!

How Do you know if you are in a Limited No Contact Rule situation?

There are five scenarios where you will need to employ a Limited No Contact Rule.

  1. You are co-workers or at school together
  2. You share a living space
  3. You are married
  4. You have children together
  5. You are pregnant with your ex’s child

In these five scenarios, the question isn’t, will you break the No Contact Rule? You have to, and that is why in these circumstances we instead recommend a Limited No Contact Rule.

And What Should I Do In Limited No Contact?

As little as possible.

Basically, you keep things strictly business.

You only communicate about the important things that need to be talked about.

Essentials such as:

  • A work project you’re both involved in
  • Childcare arrangements
  • Important documents or possessions you need to exchange
  • Paying bills or other joint issues

Think about what these essentials are in your situation.

Instead of responding to your ex’s attempts to make small talk e.g, about the weather, you are only going to talk to your ex about things related to these essentials.

If he asks how you are, reply that you’re great, thanks. This doesn’t break the rule. But remember that if you then ask him how he is, you’re creating more of a conversation than is totally necessary and that breaks your Limited No Contact Rule.

What about the shared living space?

How do you handle situations like that?

The absolute best way is to move out. Do anything you can to remove yourself from this situation, even temporarily, because our research has shown that this brings down your chance of success at getting your ex back. He just won’t have the chance to get over the breakup and miss you – because you’re right there.

If you are living with your ex, when you are in his vicinity, you’re going to keep things strictly business, the same as with the other situations outlined. You’re not going to start a conversation with your ex.

But if, for example you’re having breakfast and your ex walks in and starts talking to you, you don’t want to be flat out rude to them, so you’re going to keep it short and sweet, and exit the conversation as soon as you can.

Your ex needs to understand that things are not okay, and that you are not okay together. You don’t want him to get a sense of security.

Work on this by also keeping your distance. Spend time with friends, on dates, out at the gym, with family – don’t mope about where he can see.

You don’t need to explain where you’re going, even if you are leaving the kids with him. Just say, “Out!” and exit with a smile. Look your best as much as you can; you can even flaunt nice new outfits or haircuts…as long as you don’t talk about it!

So keep it super simple and all about the business of whatever circumstance you find yourself in.

Hopefully you have gained some clarity on how to handle things if your ex contacts you during the No Contact Rule.

Remember, the first rule of the No Contact Rule is that you do not break no contact. The second rule of the No Contact Rule is that you do not break no contact!

Except if you’re in a legitimate limited No Contact situation…

Remember to take the free and easy quiz to work out what chance you have of getting your ex back, before you invest your precious time and effort.

Also, if you’re a little unsure about how all this works or any aspect of it, please leave a comment below. I try to respond to every comment and give you some steps to help you move forward.

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79 thoughts on “What To Do When Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact”

  1. Avatar

    Umama

    May 13, 2020 at 3:17 pm

    Hey, so i really really need your help. I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for 6 months and the last two months, we’ve been doing long distance because of quarantine. he suddenly started ignoring me a lot during the past month and we really started becoming distant. we quarreled multiples of times on the topic of who’s ignoring who and his excuse was usually that he just didn’t like texting. (he didn’t even call me anyways) and i used to forgive him, this happened about 5 times. and then i started seeing as if he had started loosing his interest in me. all he ever showed interest in was sexual stuff and that’s it. Sometimes i really felt as if he wanted me to break up with him but he wanted me to do it so that he could blame me for it, and so i couldnt keep it in anymore. everyone told me that he was becoming really toxic and all, and so i broke up with him last week. i was a mess after that and surprisingly, he wasn’t. i don’t think he even cried once. he told me to stay friends with him to which i agreed but it kept getting harder for me to keep seeing his snaps and him on social media. and even in school meetings online. thus, i thought about applying the no contact rule.just to make it clear, i still love him and i want him back. i forgave him knowing how he used me but i still keep missing him. Its hardly been one whole day, i removed him from my insta and blocked him on snap. but he just texted me saying how hes sorry that our streaks were broken and wants me to add him back. I’m really tempted to tell him that “i need space” so that he wont text me now, but should i really do it? how do i go about it? is it necessary to respond to him now? he keeps on texting saying my name. should i open the message and leave him on seen? or should i completely ignore? or should i just tell him to give me space? keeping in mind i want him to love me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 2:41 pm

      Hey Umama, yes definitely allow some time and space. Complete a No Contact period and then when you have done the 30 days use a text that Chris suggests in his articles. The important thing when an ex asks for space is you allow them that. It shows you are respectful and not sitting there waiting for them, you use social media or mutual friends to show how you are doing well even though you are broken up

  2. Avatar

    Shel

    May 10, 2020 at 6:45 pm

    Hello,
    My ex split with me, a week later we ended up in a heated argument resulting in being blocked by my ex on most platforms. Aiming for the 45 days NC and on day 37 he has sent an email saying hope you are good and could I post his items to him. He knows I don’t really have anything of his and definitely nothing he actually would want / needs – a towel for example.

    Do I break NC when it seems like an excuse to contact? Maybe he’s testing the waters if I have calmed down or wants closure but it is not a positive reach out text so do I reply? Or wait a bit longer with NC or do the full 45?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 2:07 pm

      HI Shel as he has asked for things back, I would reply asking what is is he wants sent back. Provide a list of things you know are his and then ask for his forwarding address. Then add another 10 days to your NC before reaching out with a text that you planned at the end of your NC

  3. Avatar

    Kayla.Louise

    April 20, 2020 at 8:46 pm

    Hi there;
    After multiple phone calls and many text messages from him, my ex showed up at my front door on day 20 (as of apr/20 I’m on my 21st day of full NC since we broke up less than a month ago). I didn’t went out to meet him, my sister told him politely that ‘she was sorry, but there was little to no response on my part’, so he left, but kept calling me as well as texting my closest friends to play the victim -.-
    You think I should’ve talked to him?? should I just finish the 30 days, or contact him ASAP?
    Regards, and thanks for your repense in advance
    – Kay

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 9:01 pm

      Hey Kayla, so unless your ex reaching out to you telling you, that you want to get back together then I would stick to NC for now. You mention he plays the victim, this is common in break ups where they feel they need to be the victim in the break up so that they are not guilty for the break up

  4. Avatar

    Shae

    April 15, 2020 at 5:33 pm

    So me and my ex were together for almost 4 years. He broke up with me because he said he isn’t ready for a committed relationship, he said I should find someone who can give me what I deserve, I asked if he loves me he said yes but he has to do whats best for us both, I started no contact then broke it trying to ask him to try again, he said we should just be friends. I don’t want to just be friends with him, I sent him a heart felt message and he said he would answer when he’s ready and he still hasn’t replied days after. I told him to just say bye since he doesn’t want me and he refuses to say bye. I asked him to unblock me from Twitter so I can check in to see how he is doing and he said he would but he hasn’t. I don’t know what to think. I really love him and want him back. He text me good morning today and I decided to ignore him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 23, 2020 at 5:33 pm

      Hi Shae, I would suggest that you complete a full NC without replying to him at all when he does reach out. Also you telling him to unblock you, sending heart felt messages are not going help you in this situation, you need to make him feel that you are done and moving on with your life as the way you left things he knew he could have you back when he wanted

  5. Avatar

    Saurav

    April 11, 2020 at 5:47 pm

    Hi, I’m really confused – should I or should I not, apply No contact rule in my situation.

    We argued over messenger. I was bit needy and was expecting sometime of her, but latter things didn’t went well and conversation ends on getting apart(my mistake). Though we didnt had any harsh or hurting conversations and I thought next day it will get sorted. Whole day we didnt spoke to each other.
    I felt to initiate talk again and I apologized for my mistake by calling her and said sorry. But she was so serious that she don’t want me any more. Things went beyond reach that I begged …to give me a chance …I will change …but she was determined and rejected all my apologies and said she will never have a feeling for me but can remain as friend. (There were many other things that she said 🙂 )

    I personally feel and agree that we both share strong bond beyond friendship. We know each other from last 6 years and in a very very good love relationship from last 8 months.

    I stopped interacting with her to give her space and respect what she wants and decided. After break up, for two days or so…I started talking to her as a friend but that wasn’t me and our formal conversations made me more restless but I didnt said a word to create any sort of argument.

    Then I decided not to contact her, but she still text or calls me every day and I’m trying my best to ignore her.
    I dont know what does she wants from me – to express my feelings so as to comeback Or she’s just testing me.
    Should I talk to her what she exactly want and clear things or stop all contact with her.

    Finally, I love her and don’t want to lose her in any way.

    Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 10:52 pm

      Hi Saurav, yes you need to apply a 30 day NC minimum, unless she messages you to say she wants to get back together keep ignoring her

  6. Avatar

    kate

    April 8, 2020 at 1:19 am

    Hi,
    My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago. At the time he was pretty wishy-washy about it, even said he’s only 51:49% sure this is what he wants to do and asked if he could call me in a week.
    We were together for about 6 mo, and don’t live close, so were mostly apart during the week and together for a day on the weekends. We talked every night.
    We talked a week later and then have had intermittent exchanges since then. It’s very limbo land. We haven’t seen each other in person. I do want a chance at this relationship. I have my concerns about it as well but I think it’s worth a shot of both giving it an all in go. He is somewhat of an avoidant.
    I want to initiate the no contact rule. We’ve had no contact for 3 days so far. Do I tell him that I’m initiating this? I’m afraid he will worry about me if I all of a sudden I don’t respond. I know that’s partly the goal, but it will be very out of character for me to not respond and I don’t want him to worry. He’s not on social media and we don’t have mutual friends who could tell him that I’m fine. Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 13, 2020 at 3:22 pm

      Hi Kate, no you do not tell your ex that you are doing a No Contact you just vanish on them so they wonder why you stopped talking to them, and if they reach out you ignore them and allow them to worry about the fact that you seem done.

  7. Avatar

    Simona

    March 27, 2020 at 5:52 pm

    Hello, I think my boyfriend broke up with me because we had a fight and he said he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, then he forgave me but started to act cold to me and said he doesn’t know if he still wants to date me. So I began No Contact rule two days ago. Today I asked about something on Instagram story (I used poll and he voted in the poll) and he responded to my story but I didn’t read and reply the message, then he stared to call me, when I didn’t answer the call he started to send me “?” and then posted a sad song on Instagram (probably about love). Do you think I could break no contact rule and reply? The problem is I don’t know exactly if it’s breakup, maybe he just needed the time to cope what happened. Give me a little advice please. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 12:22 pm

      Hi Simona, so it sounds as if he is in limbo so I would give him space, but I would reply if he reaches out to you as you are not “broken up” if he does end things that is when you go into a proper No Contact. HOWEVER him telling you he doesnt know if he wants to date you anymore, you need to make it clear that you are going to walk away and not accept being made to feel like an option. Even if that pushed him to end things you deserve better than a maybe!

  8. Avatar

    Diana

    March 21, 2020 at 5:15 pm

    Hi,

    My boyfriend of 7 years and I broke up last week. We’ve been in contact since the breakup and hung out a few days ago. I’m trying the no contact rule because I feel like it’ll give us time to reflect, especially given the situation everyone’s going through right now (virus). He’s texted me and double texted me. I feel guilty because he got laid off and I feel like I should be there for him. When is it okay to break no contact? Especially during this pandemic? Won’t he resent me for not being here for him during this time?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 11:37 pm

      Hi Diana, the advice is still the same stick to your No Contact period of 30 days. No he wont resent you for not being there for him during this time. You need to take care of yourself, we don’t mother boyfriends… they need to realise you put you first

  9. Avatar

    Sharma

    March 21, 2020 at 7:29 am

    Hey chris..
    I was begging him nd explaining my ex each situation but he was in no mood to listen..I didnt left him alone after his continuously pleading to leave him alone..then I told him that I know he is with someone else nd it made him to explain that he is not..but i instantly started no contact by saying that i dont care at all..now after 1 day of no contact he is messaging that he is not like me means he is not with anyone and blaming me that I might be with someone else.. I ignored him..he blocked me.next day he again unblocked nd messaged me to blame me I again ignored..he was trying to make me guilty..then he again blocked me by saying that it is good that I am not replying to him..
    .do you think no contact is working???its 3rd day today..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 11:46 am

      Hi Sharma yes I would say it is working, as long as you are not replying to anything at all for 30 days. It sounds as if he is angry at the moment so allow him time to cool down, he is going to block and unblock you often during the process it sounds

  10. Avatar

    Samantha

    March 13, 2020 at 8:50 pm

    My ex kept reaching out during no contact we had some nice conversations but I broke it. Will no contact work again even though we have to start over and we have already been having conversations that show positivity? I fear that I ruined it because now he thinks that he will get me to respond whenever he wants me to.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 12:50 am

      Hi Samantha, so if you want to follow the program. No Contact is essential but by doing so you must stick with it even if your ex reaches out with a positive message! You must stick to it to have an effect on your ex

  11. Avatar

    Anon

    March 11, 2020 at 12:47 pm

    Hi, my ex texted me with just my name as he has done before and I am 2 days away from completing my no contact period. However, I am waiting for him to text me something more concrete. He usually texts me my name, asks how I am and then stops replying. Breadcrumbing?! I am going to extend my no contact period for a little while. I want a proposal lol. Think this is a good idea?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 11:56 pm

      Hey there yes its breadcrumbing, or checking to see if you blocked them / would answer them I agree not to answer a message with such little effort

  12. Avatar

    marni

    March 11, 2020 at 11:04 am

    Me and my ex were together for just under a year with a 8 year age difference, until he broke up with me out of the blue one day. He gave me a ring and some flowers and told me he didnt have to give me what i deserved. i found out that he had cheated on me the night before and clearly freaked out. Since then he had been on holiday for 3 weeks and i told him not to talk to me until at least a month and he had contacted me during this period briefly. He got back of his holiday and found out he had a job about 10 hours away starting 2 days later and wanted to see me before he went, i agreed fearing i would never see him again. He told me he missed me and he was sorry and i was the biggest love of his life and we spoke about all the amazing memories. He said he doesnt know why he cheated and maybe he had some issues from past trauma/family life but that he thought maybe one day when we were alot older we would be together again (right person wrong timing). He is now living away in his new life and i am outgrowing him but i wonder if what we had was something as special as he makes out. I get where he is coming from which makes me feel like i should let him go but i really want him to come back to me. I dont understand why he cheated but i guess he wants to try and see what life is like on the other side of things. I dont know what to do, i have myself to put first but i love him and dont know if i should i let it go?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2020 at 12:06 am

      Hi Marni, only you can answer that question for yourself I am afraid. Good luck in your decisions

  13. Avatar

    Eunice

    March 5, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    Hi. My ex and I broke up month ago. We were bestfriends. I know he is seeing another girl. I pleaded him to not leave me but he said he made his decision. But he still wants me to be his bestfriend, as we were even before the relationship. I disagreed being just a bestfriend, telling him i love him, became pushy for days, convincing him not to leave me. Then after reading some articles here, I decided not to disturb him for days. Then today, he messaged me asking how I am doing. Should I reply? Should I agree that we still become bestfriends, I know he is pursuing another girl. Thank youu so much for help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 10, 2020 at 10:58 pm

      Hi Eunice, so if you want to get your ex back then you need to read about the being there method. Understanding the process before moving forward is key, where you need to complete a full 45 day No contact before reaching out for the first time

  14. Avatar

    Grace

    February 24, 2020 at 8:37 pm

    Hello,
    My ex broke up with me a week ago after 2.5yrs and asked to be friends with benefits and I agreed. A couple of days later he asked if he come over to pick up his stuff and hook up. I texted him that I know I said I wanted to be FWB but I don’t think thats what is right for me right now. He said okay and sent me a list of things he needed. He came over yesterday and picked up his stuff but left some things that he said he would be back for. I told him I would not be living at the house as of Tuesday anymore because I was being evicted after my mom passed 3 months. He thanked me for letting him know and I told him I would leave his stuff with his sister(who I still talk to). I found out from his sister’s bf that my ex told him I was too clingy and he didn’t like that we did everything together. I tried my best not to show too much emotion while he was at the house bc I knew I would just beg him to take me back. When he was leaving he told me he had no regrets and for me to hit him up for anything. I’ve been doing the no contact for 3 days as of his birthday but I wonder if that interaction counted as me breaking it. Also he texted me today telling me he could send my tax documents and which email he should send them to and if I received the money yet. Should I reply even though I know he has my emails?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 3, 2020 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Grace, yes reaching out for a birthday is breaking the no contact rule. You need to spend some time working on yourself and your holy trinity. Then start preparing your first reach out text from what Chris suggests

  15. Avatar

    Mina

    February 23, 2020 at 11:49 am

    Hi there,

    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago and were still in contact for 1,5 week. After those 1,5 week, we decided to not speak to each other anymore and have a phone call every Sunday evening. We haven’t spoken to each other since 3 days, but today is Sunday so I’m 100% sure that he is gonna call. Should I answer his call or should I just ignore unless I agreed to speak with him once a week?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2020 at 10:31 pm

      Hi Mina, so as much as you are sure he was going to call. I know it can be upsetting when we were hoping to hear from someone and you don’t get that phone call. So try not to set your emotions up for heartache. If you are in No Contact then you need to stick to your NC through to 30 days solid

  16. Avatar

    Ifeoluwa

    February 22, 2020 at 6:03 am

    My ex blocked me, two days after he unblocked and since then he has been calling me but I didn’t respond to it.
    Should I continue the no contact rule?? Or what should I do

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 9:50 pm

      Yes continue with your No contact for 30 days

  17. Avatar

    Kelly

    February 19, 2020 at 8:32 pm

    Hi,

    So I had been talking to this guy for a little over 2 months. A month into the talking stage, I met him and slept together. Everything was perfect but we broke up almost 10 days ago because he said he doesn’t want anything serious and since we are not in a relationship, he can talk to whoever if he wants to in the future and I shouldn’t have a problem with it. I did not like that and decided to end it. I totally cut him off and removed from social media. He called 5 days later to wish me Valentines day and asked to call back. I never reached back to him and he dropped in another text today. Not sure what to do. I do want him to come back and commit to me because I genuinely liked him. Please help me, what should I do and if he calls or text, how should I deal with it? Should I reach back after 21 days of NC and how exactly to initiate the conversation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 28, 2020 at 8:19 pm

      Hi Kelly yes a short 21 day no contact and reaching out to try to rebuild your connection however if you want a relationship then you need to not sleep with him again without a relationship

  18. Avatar

    Queen

    February 8, 2020 at 12:26 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. I begged and pleased as usually I guess and he blocked me. I broke no contact on day 10 because it was very hard and sent a heartfelt email and he said he would reply and he hasn’t so I left him alone and went back into no contact. Yesterday he sent a random email about something to help me with school work,I am not sure what this means and should I reply and be polite?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 8, 2020 at 4:55 pm

      Hey Queen, so you need to stick with No Contact and avoid replying to this email as it will shock him that you have not replied. If he sends a follow up askign if you got his email. Reply with “Yes thanks, just been really busy” and leave the conversation as that NOTHING else.

  19. Avatar

    yasmin

    January 24, 2020 at 12:41 pm

    Yasmin here, well he said I needed to grow up because I told him I would move in to his city with him but I had some stuff happening to me that I had to prospone and he got tired of it. I want him back and I want him to see that I am changed I am working on myself, getting less anxious and more ready but I have no idea of how on earth im gonna do it.

  20. Avatar

    Yasmin

    January 23, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    Hello if you could please help. I’m doing no contact after my boyfriend said we should move on with our lifes and etc. we were in a Long distance relantionship, I he broke up with me and he said I needed to grow up. that was around january 10th. He travelled for some days and now texted me with a lot of photos of the trip and he’s asking how am I doing. I still want him back but I dont know if I should ignore or just reply with a short reply. I have no idea whats going on his mind and if he wants to get back or not. Im just really confused help! Should I ignore, keep the NC or reply?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 24, 2020 at 11:29 am

      Hey Yasmin, can you elaborate with the grow up comment? If you are doing No Contact then you do not reply to this message as it is not warranting a response. You can reach out to him again in 30 days using a text that Chris suggests

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