Today we’re going to talk about what to do if your ex contacts you during a No Contact Rule.

But first, I want you to stop everything you’re doing and answer one simple question.

Do you even think you have a chance of getting back with your ex?

Assuming that’s what you want to use your No Contact Rule for, and if you don’t have a clear answer to that question, I’ve got great news. I’ve put together a special resource on this website to help you – a free, simple quiz to tell you exactly what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back.

Give it a go, then come back and read on.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

What Do You Do If You’re Doing No Contact And Your Ex Texts You?

The first thing we should do is define what we consider to be a No Contact Rule.

The No Contact Rule is a predetermined amount of time during which you cut off all communication with your ex, without explanation.

When I teach this rule to people, their first reaction is often:

“Wait, won’t that make my ex really angry?”

Well, yes – that’s kind of the point.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if your ex is angry (or upset, sad or anything else) with you, because if you do it right, No Contact will set you up for a situation where everything’s going to snowball in your favor when you do finally get in contact with your ex.

In the meantime, your ex has the chance to recover from the breakup and forget some of the negative emotions and memories associated with it, and with you. He has the chance to miss you.

Another common reaction is:

“Wait, won’t that mean my ex will just forget me and move on?”

In fact, our research shows that he’s more likely to be wondering why you have suddenly stopped contacting him, and why you seem to be doing so well after the breakup (because you will, of course, be using your No Contact Rule time to live your best life and recover from the breakup yourself).

For more worries about what he’s thinking during No Contact and how it works on an ex, try reading my article The Psychology Of A Man During The No Contact Rule.

The No Contact Rule really is the best first step (after my free quiz, of course!) to getting your ex back.

There’s just one problem.

The Biggest Problem With The No Contact Rule

Most people who try the No Contact Rule will break it.

That’s because the No Contact Rule is hard.

You will want to contact your ex, because you are missing them.

And if your ex contacts you first? It’s going to be extremely hard not to reply, because you crave communication with that person.

Your mind is trying to find ways to process this breakup, and it will find interesting ways to rationalise why you should get back in contact with your ex.

My mantra is K.I.S.S. – Keep It Super Simple.

Here’s the super simple view of the No Contact Rule.

There’s only one rule that you have to follow.

Do Not Break It!

That means you will not be responding to any;

  • text messages
  • phone calls
  • emails, likes,
  • snaps

Or any type of correspondence from your ex that they might send through any channel.

It can be extremely difficult if you receive a text message or email from your ex to sit there and say, you know what, I’m going to ignore it. What’s the big deal, you might think, if I respond?

The Consequence If You Respond To Your Ex

There are consequences if you really want this No Contact Rule to work.

If you break your No Contact Rule prematurely before your predetermined length of time, you need to start over from Day 1.

And starting over means another round of No Contact, which means even more time when you can’t speak to the person you want to talk to more than anything.

Remember that No Contact doesn’t last forever (unless you decide you want it to!). So don’t prolong the agony by messing it up and having to start again.

And don’t dilute its effectiveness by restarting, then contacting, then restarting.

Actually Let’s Talk About Diluting The No Contact Rule If You Break It Early

Right, so let’s say you’ve gotten 21 days through the No Contact Rule and on Day 22 you ex reaches out to you, begging to talk to you.

You break the No Contact Rule, message him and start a conversation.

What do you do? Well, you have to restart your No Contact Rule over from the get go.

Don’t be surprised if your ex gets mad, starts calling you mean names, gets upset because you’re ignoring him on his birthday, even bangs on your door.

These are all really good signs that No Contact is working. These are all common reactions, and show that he is having an emotional reaction to your withdrawal.

You must still not respond.

If you feel bad about this, if you are ignoring him and it’s his birthday, or he’s broken down and wants your help, or whatever, just remember that he dumped you (or treated you so badly you had to leave him).

He hurt you, and while it’s not about tit-for-tat, he does need to realize that things are not okay, and that there are consequences to the breakup.

So do not respond.

What If He Wants His Stuff?

There are a couple of situations where ignoring him might not be possible – if he turns up and you are face to face, or if he asks to get his belongings back (or you need something important or valuable back from him).

If you need to exchange belongings, you can break No Contact for this and not have to restart.

If you refuse a reasonable request, you would seem rude and obstinate; not very helpful if you want to get back together.

If you want something back, make sure it’s something worth it – don’t just use it as an excuse to see him. You don’t need to get your old t-shirt or toothbrush back. Leave it. If he wants something back, be gracious about it and agree to meet him to exchange. If he doesn’t want to do it face to face, respect that.

When you do see him, keep the interaction short and sweet. Look your best, be nice, but don’t linger or ask him questions. You are busy getting on with your life.

What If He Turns Up?

If he turns up suddenly wherever you are and you have to talk to him or you would appear completely rude – the same rules apply.

If you are out and about, I will assume you are being the Ungettable Girl and looking the best you can. That’s step one covered.

Be happy, bubbly and positive.

Answer his questions, but don’t engage him in any extra conversation. So, if he asks how you are, tell him you are great, thanks. Don’t then ask him how he is, or what he’s been up to, or if his sister went to that salon you recommended… Keep the conversation short and sweet.

If he asks you why you are ignoring him/being childish/being mean or tries to start an argument, avoid reacting. Smile a natural smile and say, “I’m not ignoring you. I’m just focusing on myself and my life.” Or something similar.

Be the one to end the conversation. You can say something like, “I have to get back now. Nice to see you,” then leave. You want to leave him wanting more. If he hasn’t had all his questions answered, he will be even more curious.

He’s caught you out, but you can still come out of it with the upper hand.

Note that most exes don’t contact during the No Contact period. This doesn’t mean they don’t care or that they have forgotten about you. Want to know more about what’s going on in his brain while you are laying that No Contact on him? Here’s another article all about it.

So Why Does The No Contact Rule Work?

Well, by ignoring your ex, you’re stirring up his curiosity. There’s no explanation why for all of a sudden you began to ignore him.

Especially if you were gnatting him beforehand (bothering him constantly, like an annoying little fly).

Especially if he asked you repeatedly to leave him alone, and you didn’t…then suddenly, there’s radio silence.

And most especially if, at the same time as rebuffing all contact, you are seemingly having the time of your life and not wallowing in the usual post-breakup misery.

He becomes curious.

He can’t live without knowing why you’re not trying to talk to him. He wonders why you aren’t at home crying every night. His male pride will be smarting at least a little bit.

He will feel the need to fight against the change, even if he doesn’t understand why he is feeling this way.

Now the issue is that if you break your own No Contact Rule by responding to any messages, you undermine the effectiveness of the Rule. Instead of thinking that he doesn’t know what’s going on and becoming more curious, if you respond, you are reassuring him.

His curiosity disappears. He’ll sit and think you know what? She’s probably wanting me back. She’s probably chasing me. I can get her to talk to me anytime I want. I’ve still got her if I want her.

You don’t want your ex to think that.

The Grey Areas And The Limited No Contact Rule

I’m a big believer that there are no absolutes in life. Oftentimes you find the answers you need in the grey areas.

That can certainly be true with a No Contact Rule. There are some circumstances where you’re going to be forced to modify your No Contact Rule into a Limited No Contact Rule.

So what is the Limited No Contact Rule?

Limited No Contact is a predetermined amount of time after specific types of breakups where you cut off all communication except on essential matters.

Now, I made a big stink about the one rule with a No Contact Rule being, do not contact.

Here’s that grey area. There are certain situations you will find yourself in where you’re just not going to be able to use the No Contact Rule in its purest form. Instead you must use the Limited No Contact Rule.

Here’s where people get messed up. They try to rationalise the fact that they need to go into Limited No Contact Rule so they don’t have to do the full No Contact Rule.

This is a bad idea. Full No Contact, where possible, gives you the best chance of having your ex go through all the stages of post-breakup thinking regarding you, from anger and pain through to the curiosity we were just talking about, then hopefully regret and a desire to connect with you again.

So don’t kid yourself that Limited No Contact will be best for you. That’s not how it works. You are either in a No Contact circumstance or you are in a Limited No Contact circumstance. In this case it is black and white.

There are no ways to turn things from a No Contact Rule into a Limited No Contact rule. It just doesn’t work like that.

If you are in one of the scenarios below, you can utlise the Limited No Contact Rule. If not, you can’t – so don’t try to wriggle out of full No Contact!

How Do you know if you are in a Limited No Contact Rule situation?

There are five scenarios where you will need to employ a Limited No Contact Rule.

  1. You are co-workers or at school together
  2. You share a living space
  3. You are married
  4. You have children together
  5. You are pregnant with your ex’s child

In these five scenarios, the question isn’t, will you break the No Contact Rule? You have to, and that is why in these circumstances we instead recommend a Limited No Contact Rule.

And What Should I Do In Limited No Contact?

As little as possible.

Basically, you keep things strictly business.

You only communicate about the important things that need to be talked about.

Essentials such as:

  • A work project you’re both involved in
  • Childcare arrangements
  • Important documents or possessions you need to exchange
  • Paying bills or other joint issues

Think about what these essentials are in your situation.

Instead of responding to your ex’s attempts to make small talk e.g, about the weather, you are only going to talk to your ex about things related to these essentials.

If he asks how you are, reply that you’re great, thanks. This doesn’t break the rule. But remember that if you then ask him how he is, you’re creating more of a conversation than is totally necessary and that breaks your Limited No Contact Rule.

What about the shared living space?

How do you handle situations like that?

The absolute best way is to move out. Do anything you can to remove yourself from this situation, even temporarily, because our research has shown that this brings down your chance of success at getting your ex back. He just won’t have the chance to get over the breakup and miss you – because you’re right there.

If you are living with your ex, when you are in his vicinity, you’re going to keep things strictly business, the same as with the other situations outlined. You’re not going to start a conversation with your ex.

But if, for example you’re having breakfast and your ex walks in and starts talking to you, you don’t want to be flat out rude to them, so you’re going to keep it short and sweet, and exit the conversation as soon as you can.

Your ex needs to understand that things are not okay, and that you are not okay together. You don’t want him to get a sense of security.

Work on this by also keeping your distance. Spend time with friends, on dates, out at the gym, with family – don’t mope about where he can see.

You don’t need to explain where you’re going, even if you are leaving the kids with him. Just say, “Out!” and exit with a smile. Look your best as much as you can; you can even flaunt nice new outfits or haircuts…as long as you don’t talk about it!

So keep it super simple and all about the business of whatever circumstance you find yourself in.

Hopefully you have gained some clarity on how to handle things if your ex contacts you during the No Contact Rule.

Remember, the first rule of the No Contact Rule is that you do not break no contact. The second rule of the No Contact Rule is that you do not break no contact!

Except if you’re in a legitimate limited No Contact situation…

Remember to take the free and easy quiz to work out what chance you have of getting your ex back, before you invest your precious time and effort.

Also, if you’re a little unsure about how all this works or any aspect of it, please leave a comment below. I try to respond to every comment and give you some steps to help you move forward.

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140 thoughts on “What To Do When Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact”

  1. Avatar

    Rachel

    March 9, 2021 at 5:35 am

    Hey! my ex just texted me a “.”
    I accidentally said “Yes?”
    Where he then continued to send me photos and videos of before, during, and after our relationship.
    I never replied.

    The only time I replied was “Yes?”.
    Do I have to restart?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 9, 2021 at 10:32 pm

      Hi Rachel yes you need to restart as you replied.

  2. Avatar

    Christie Madden

    February 16, 2021 at 5:05 pm

    Hi, so my husband let me a couple of weeks ago, and I pretty much started the NC pretty quick. There were a couple of times he reached out to me for (through text)
    because after leaving, he left his dolly (hand truck) which he does not need anytime soon. I told him “that today was not a good day. Maybe some other time”. He also asked about mail addressed to him. I let him know that I had already had the mail forwarded. He also asked how I was doing and I said fine. I am afraid that he is just going to show up and knock on my door. I am not emotionally ready for that. I still need time to heal and get stronger. Would it be totally weird if I just didn’t answer the door ? FYI, I do still have feelings of love towards him, and ideally would want our relationship to work.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 19, 2021 at 9:45 am

      Hi Christie, so you need to stop replying when he reaches out and asks how you are – you need to follow the no contact correctly for this to work. The only time you speak to him is if you have shared responsibilities or bills etc. Otherwise you do not reply to anything he reaches out to you with for 30 days solid.

  3. Avatar

    Kay

    January 15, 2021 at 1:26 pm

    My ex reached out to me on day 14 of NC on facebook messenger. I accidentally opened it and I think he’s seen that I have read it. I didn’t reply to him though and no communication was made. Did I break NC and should I start over again or should I continue the count? Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 15, 2021 at 5:25 pm

      Hi Kay, no you are okay. Continue just try not to open any more of his messages going forward.

  4. Avatar

    Suomi

    December 21, 2020 at 3:27 am

    My ex bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago. And I started no contact just 4 days ago. And since day 1 he has been calling me several times. On day 3 he asked me to meet him because he says he misses me and wants me to help him emotionally. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 22, 2020 at 6:56 pm

      Hi Suomi, do not meet up, if he wanted to get back together then yes, but he wants you ease his guilt from the break up. Stick with your no contact

  5. Avatar

    Janet

    December 17, 2020 at 10:06 pm

    Hi.. I started the No contact rule 3days back and he texted me “my one and only” tonight.. my own issue is that we didn’t break up but I felt disrespected in the relationship coz I always do the calls and text and it was like I was pushing too hard
    Then he stood me up a day to his birthday,I brought him dinner and he left me hanging at his gate
    So I decided to let him be since then till he apologizes
    But it’s looking like he doesn’t even know he did anything wrong

  6. Avatar

    Chelsea

    December 16, 2020 at 4:26 pm

    It’s the holiday season. I have three events coming up: Christmas, New Years, and my birthday in mid-January. I just started no-contact a few days ago, and it should be taking me to the day before my birthday. If my ex contacts me with well wishes on Christmas or New Years, I shouldn’t be replying, right? And if he contacts me on my birthday (the day after my 30 day NC is finished), should I reply or wait some more time? Thanks in advance!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 16, 2020 at 8:07 pm

      Hi Chelsea, I would suggest that you go over your birthday by a week with your NC

  7. Avatar

    Light

    December 3, 2020 at 7:02 am

    I dated this guy who was my neighbor,I didn’t knw how I fell so much in love with him,I showed it to him that I loved him and he reciprocated in a good manners, and we started dating,but we only dated for 3months and I asked him what he wanted from the dating and he told me he was confused that he didn’t want to commit himself in a relationship for now,I told him we should stop seeing each other since he’s not ready to commit,and he left ,he always sent me messages after then , sometimes called me,but I resisted all that wanted him to come out and tell me he was ready to commit which he didn’t, unfortunately he brought another lady home, which I saw them together,I asked him he didn’t denial it and didn’t apologize for hurting my feelings,he knew I love him so very much,how could he? I later told him we should break up ..over a week now he has been calling me to help him with something’s..I have been breaking the no contact rule for some day’s now…but am sticking to it this period..why is he calling me when he knows that have broken up with him? Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 28, 2020 at 7:48 pm

      Hi Light, so he is calling you and asking you for help because he knows you are there to help him, hoping that this next gesture of help will get him to commit. You need to complete your NC and stop answering his calls, make him think that he has lost his chance of being with you.

  8. Avatar

    Annie

    November 21, 2020 at 10:29 am

    Hii, so we broke up about a month ago and I have to use the limited no contact rule because we are on a sports team together but he keeps trying to contact me to be friends at least once or twice a week and when I say I need/want space he gets mad and doesn’t understand. I don’t want to get friend zoned by responding but I also don’t want him to have negative feelings towards me or for him to feel like he shouldn’t contact at all because when the no contact rule is over and it’s time to talk again, what do I do then?? What if me constantly asking for space makes him not even want to talk to me? And what if me saying I want space causes more negative feelings than good for getting back together? Thank you for taking time to read this. I really need help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 21, 2020 at 2:38 pm

      Hi Annie, so him being angry that you need his space – shows that he is not thinking about YOU. He just wants to ease his guilt from the break up and be friends so that he can show everyone he is not the “bad guy” You need to be strict with yourself, do not reply telling you need space – thats breaking your NC. You just ignore him, unless you are at sport meetings/games where you make the least amount of effort to speak or be around him as possible.

  9. Avatar

    Pooja

    November 9, 2020 at 10:10 am

    Hi I have started no contact rule with my boyfriend he has messaged to check up on me and I replied he didn’t continue the message much further. However he also snapchatted me, I want to know what he messaged me. Am I allowed to open it and not reply? I also wanted to send his friends a message just telling them thanks for making me feel very welcome etc. Should I not do that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2020 at 7:53 pm

      Why are you following no contact if you are still together? If you are broken up then you are not to reply to any messages or snapchats etc. You ignore him and his friends for 30 days solid

  10. Avatar

    Eunive

    November 4, 2020 at 8:33 am

    Amm hii I’m the one who told him to leave me alone but I still have feelings for him plus he keeps texting me I miss u how r u?I’m in the no contact rule but I really want to reply back to his texts what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 4, 2020 at 4:09 pm

      Hi Eunive, if you want to follow this program then you need to keep with your NC and not reply to these messages, the only time you reply is if they want to get back together.

  11. Avatar

    gina

    October 26, 2020 at 5:12 pm

    one week into NC… Can I say thank you (and nothing more) if he sends me a gift?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 28, 2020 at 1:31 am

      No stick with your NC

  12. Avatar

    Morgan

    October 24, 2020 at 2:13 am

    I’m feeling so uncertain. It’s been 10 days no contact and my ex has reached out to me a couple times now to say that he feels bad for his actions and that he’s feeling confused and lost. Then tonight he texted me goodnight and that he loves me. I have not responded to any of his texts but tonight when I didn’t respond he got upset and started insinuating that I’m probably with someone else already and then tried calling me. I don’t want him to think I’m with anyone else but I don’t want to mess up no contact to get him back for good. I also don’t want him to get angry and give up on us out of spite because I’m not talking to him. I’d love some advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 28, 2020 at 4:42 am

      Hi Morgan, I hope this makes you feel better – This is the no contact working and is typical messages from an ex. He is looking for comfort from you, unless he tells you he is sorry and wants to get back together, do not reply to any of his attempts of conversation.

  13. Avatar

    Emily

    October 22, 2020 at 12:06 am

    I’m curious what to do here. I’ve started no contact for 3 days now but he’s paying for my phone plan right now. He will most likely contact me to see if he should shut it off Nov 2 or ask if I’m going to pay for next months. Should I ignore him and hope he keeps it on bc I previously threatened to just get a new number and block him and he’s still probably wanting to not lose total contact of me? But I don’t really know that either. Should I test to see if he keeps my phone on with me never responding to him? Besides I always gave him too much money anyways and really he owes me. If I did test him this way, I’d know for sure then I have him and he doesn’t want to lose me and I have a chance later. Or should I answer the first time he contacts me again that I will pay him but that’s it? He won’t contact me for any other reason.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 22, 2020 at 9:12 pm

      I would suggest that you message to tell him that you will take care of the bill yourself without him having to ask you to do so. Make the amendments and go back into your NC

  14. Avatar

    Coral

    October 21, 2020 at 4:29 pm

    Hi Shaunna… Hru? thanks so much for taking the time to support me and countless other bleeding hearts. Thank you! I am beside myself.. I met my man right before covid started in nyc. I ended up losing my best friend my dog and countless other people during the time that I was bonding with him as well as still trying to manage my little bar and restaurant despite the pandemic. I am near to surrendering my space and am also a single mom w ZERO outside support. This man was my rock and we were unseparable since the day we met. I trusted as he did that we’d never leave each other’s side . We went everywhere together. When I met him he was still married (7yrs) to a woman that he has since divorced however she still lived in their home up until recently (she went back to uk on Friday) but after he asked for a divorce he moved in with me. Also with my help he recently discovered he also has a 13yo child from a fling in his past. I am in full support of him being in his child’s life.. I wasn’t concerned about the woman until he reached out to her. He said ” hey you” and she responded “hey pumpkinhead”. At that point I asked him if they had a more recent history. He lied and said they hadn’t but when I asked to see their messages, up until a few month before he met me, he was making advances at her. I didn’t understand why he lied. He’s told me about every chick he’s ever been with why had I never heard about her? Why had he been conveniently oblivious to this child? Didn’t he SEE that this little boy was his twin? The woman raised him w two different men.lettinv each think they were the father. Anyway I guess she had told my man that the baby resembled him 12 years ago (although she had already told another man it was his) and he went for a paternity test and she didn’t show up so he dropped it but they didn’t drop their sexual energy towards each other apparently. I don’t know.. the conversations I did see were in December of 2019. Idk if he’d deleted more recent activity and how far it went back.. We got together in late February early March. Anyways we were kind of rude to each other that day I saw their convos ( kissy faces and what not) and he called me and said if I wanted him to move out? I was surprised he took it there so I was like if you feel like that’s best and he flipped out and said I was kicking him out I told him that that is not what I said but he insisted he was going to pack his things. I called him a “p#$$y” He ended up going by our house dropping off the keys but going out again. Turns out he ended up going and spending the night at his ex-wife’s house while she was still there (although he claims he was at his boys bar until he went there and was in communication w me from that point on). He did text me throughout the night and I did ask him to just pick up the phone if he was alone. He wasn’t able to do so. Verbally texting I was extremely mean. By the morning I was so upset I had told him to just come get his s*** then.. when he showed up he started screaming at me and accusing me of having slept with someone in my past before I met him. So I joked around and said I did. He got scary and started ripping hs clothes out of the closet and hit the walls. I told him he was bugging out that I had never had sexual relations with that person but how was that equivalent or relevant to anything else that was going on. In my mind I really thought he was deflecting because he had slept with his ex wife who was leaving the next day. I was so upset I just kept helping him pack his stuff he broke down and apologized that he loved me and I was amazing and that he didn’t want this but I was already so upset and I kept beating him up with my words. Although I never addressed our sex life or wanting to be with other men I did demasculize him by calling him names. Anyways when I came to my senses and realized I hurt someone I loved like 30m after I said it and helped him pack I tried to call him immediately and ask HIM to hear me out. But he hung up on me. I knew he had gone to his old apt where his x was again. He had always told me that they had no sexual energy in the past 4 years. He married her to help her get her card but that the to.ance died quick. But recently he hadn’t wanted me going in public settings with my male friends. he was starting to get a little possessive over me before I started to feel like I should question him (I feel like)… so I got angry again and went to their house and asked the ex-wife if they had had any sexual relations I also told her that we had been living together. And that we had been together for 7 months ( which would mean before the divorce). (I was under the impression that he wanted to tell her he was in love with someone else at one point but I suggested he not. ) I needed to hear the truth because I was so confused by his actions. I thought he’d deceived me. She said nothing happened. We fought viciously via text after that for a day or two then he came by my house drunk in the middle of the night but I didn’t wake up.. I regret going there I regret all the terrible things I said. I don’t understand why blowing his cover is more important than his new relationship. He had cheated on her I guess for many years before he met me. Still I feel terrible I should have trusted the man that I gave my heart to. He told me I violated him and I asked for his forgiveness but he says he did nothing wrong and that he was w his friend until he went to his old place and started texting me. I don’t know what to do without him. I have a son and he was very good to my son as well. my kid is heartbroken. My son made friends through his friends kids and he won’t put them in touch. He stopped responding to texts. It’s been two days since he cAme by drunk and stopped responding to texts. he won’t speak to me and is slandering my name and reaching out to my old friends that I had falling outs with for disrespecting him. Is it over. I haven’t tried to reach him for two days either. I can’t handle this loss. I can’t handle my son hurting too… Hes never had a dad or even a prospective dad.. he’s 12 too. I can’t handle that he would turn his back on us

  15. Avatar

    Kalli

    October 19, 2020 at 3:28 am

    We recently broke up (first break up) and he has said he needs time, but mentioned that we have a chance. I was controlling in the relationship which is why we broke up. I just started no contact yesterday. I feel like he is going to reach out to me during the no contact period because he mentioned how he still wanted to talk to see if we could have positive conversations/he could re-strengthen feelings through talking to me. I don’t know if I should do no contact or if I should just respond concisely if he does reach out? I feel weary of doing no contact because he did say that I rarely asked about him/could have positive conversations with him during the relationship and I fear by not having them it will only reinforce his decision to break up.

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    D

    October 17, 2020 at 9:02 pm

    Hey! We’ve been broken up for a week after nearly 3 years together and it was a fairly emotional break up – he said he needed space and that he couldn’t concentrate on himself and the relationship at the same time. He keeps messaging to see if i’m okay. Should I break NC? I’ve been doing it for 5 days so far.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 19, 2020 at 11:21 pm

      Hey D, no do not break NC just because he is reaching out to see how you are, you need to stick with it for 30 days minimum

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    gail shannon

    October 12, 2020 at 12:42 am

    how long do i have to do nc it has been 2 month he has sent a text asking how i am and telling me he has been a shitty person and i did not respond i have been told at some point i need to answer and let him know i am great some coach told me if i keep rejecting him he wont text again and he is very intimidated by me anyway he has been great boyfriend

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 22, 2020 at 9:04 pm

      Hi Gail your no contact should be 30 days as long as you didnt have a terrible break up (lots of begging pleading and gnatting)

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    Sam

    September 9, 2020 at 2:16 pm

    My boyfriend and I were only together for 2 months and he broke up with me 6 days ago because we had a couple of arguments and he said he couldn’t handle it. I implemented the NC rule straight away and he has text me today saying he hopes I’m okay and he needs to drop off my dvd and pick up paint that he left at mine. He also asked me why I blocked him on social media (I hadn’t blocked him, I actually just deleted my accounts). I opened the message but didn’t reply and hes now just messaged again saying “hmm.. Maybe that was the plan..” I think he is maybe trying to get a reaction from me but I’m not taking the bait. Is this the right thing to do? Should I reply to him or leave it? Doesn’t seem like a dvd and paint are that important to want to pick up/drop off…? Thanks in advance!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 9, 2020 at 9:37 pm

      Hey Sam, you are allowed to reply when it comes to giving items back, however if the paints and DVD are easily replaceable make sure that you avoid answering him until after your No Contact is over. However the fact hes noticed you are off social media / thought you blocked him. Shows he is keeping an eye on you, or at least trying to

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    Wanda

    September 1, 2020 at 1:15 pm

    Hello there, i also need advice i broke up with my ex 4 months ago, after 2 months i started applying no contact, she contacted me on day 5 wanting her stuff which she never came to take. We have been communicating quite frequently but im still not getting what i want and today was day 4 of another NC she just called 5 times i felt bad and thought maybe she not okay I responded only for her to tell me she misses me badly and she been stalking my Facebook profile. Should I restart NC , she is not sure about us getting back she loves me but shes going through stuff that involves a late spouse..im so confused

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 6, 2020 at 11:04 am

      Hey Wanda, it sounds as if when NC starts working you give in to her. You need to follow a NC and stick with it! Being strong, let her miss you. That’s the point. In the mean time you work on yourself to be the best version of you

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    Sadhana

    August 24, 2020 at 7:40 am

    What to do he keeps texting me everyday, this is sixth day of my nc. He tries to contact me through his cousins and friends. I answered his friend, she told me that he felt very bad, and he missed me. I answered to her “it’s alright. I will be talk to him”.does it cause spoil no contact? Will no contact still have impact on him after this event? Will it work?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 9:56 pm

      Hey there, so speaking to his friends and family is breaking the no contact as you are indirectly speaking to him during your NC. You need to re start and ignore him he is feeling bad – let him! He broke up with you. Focus on yourself and start working on the UG information

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