Today we’re going to talk about what to do if your ex contacts you during a No Contact Rule.

But first, I want you to stop everything you’re doing and answer one simple question.

Do you even think you have a chance of getting back with your ex?

Assuming that’s what you want to use your No Contact Rule for, and if you don’t have a clear answer to that question, I’ve got great news. I’ve put together a special resource on this website to help you – a free, simple quiz to tell you exactly what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back.

Give it a go, then come back and read on.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

What Do You Do If You’re Doing No Contact And Your Ex Texts You?

The first thing we should do is define what we consider to be a No Contact Rule.

The No Contact Rule is a predetermined amount of time during which you cut off all communication with your ex, without explanation.

When I teach this rule to people, their first reaction is often:

“Wait, won’t that make my ex really angry?”

Well, yes – that’s kind of the point.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if your ex is angry (or upset, sad or anything else) with you, because if you do it right, No Contact will set you up for a situation where everything’s going to snowball in your favor when you do finally get in contact with your ex.

In the meantime, your ex has the chance to recover from the breakup and forget some of the negative emotions and memories associated with it, and with you. He has the chance to miss you.

Another common reaction is:

“Wait, won’t that mean my ex will just forget me and move on?”

In fact, our research shows that he’s more likely to be wondering why you have suddenly stopped contacting him, and why you seem to be doing so well after the breakup (because you will, of course, be using your No Contact Rule time to live your best life and recover from the breakup yourself).

For more worries about what he’s thinking during No Contact and how it works on an ex, try reading my article The Psychology Of A Man During The No Contact Rule.

The No Contact Rule really is the best first step (after my free quiz, of course!) to getting your ex back.

There’s just one problem.

The Biggest Problem With The No Contact Rule

Most people who try the No Contact Rule will break it.

That’s because the No Contact Rule is hard.

You will want to contact your ex, because you are missing them.

And if your ex contacts you first? It’s going to be extremely hard not to reply, because you crave communication with that person.

Your mind is trying to find ways to process this breakup, and it will find interesting ways to rationalise why you should get back in contact with your ex.

My mantra is K.I.S.S. – Keep It Super Simple.

Here’s the super simple view of the No Contact Rule.

There’s only one rule that you have to follow.

Do Not Break It!

That means you will not be responding to any;

  • text messages
  • phone calls
  • emails, likes,
  • snaps

Or any type of correspondence from your ex that they might send through any channel.

It can be extremely difficult if you receive a text message or email from your ex to sit there and say, you know what, I’m going to ignore it. What’s the big deal, you might think, if I respond?

The Consequence If You Respond To Your Ex

There are consequences if you really want this No Contact Rule to work.

If you break your No Contact Rule prematurely before your predetermined length of time, you need to start over from Day 1.

And starting over means another round of No Contact, which means even more time when you can’t speak to the person you want to talk to more than anything.

Remember that No Contact doesn’t last forever (unless you decide you want it to!). So don’t prolong the agony by messing it up and having to start again.

And don’t dilute its effectiveness by restarting, then contacting, then restarting.

Actually Let’s Talk About Diluting The No Contact Rule If You Break It Early

Right, so let’s say you’ve gotten 21 days through the No Contact Rule and on Day 22 you ex reaches out to you, begging to talk to you.

You break the No Contact Rule, message him and start a conversation.

What do you do? Well, you have to restart your No Contact Rule over from the get go.

Don’t be surprised if your ex gets mad, starts calling you mean names, gets upset because you’re ignoring him on his birthday, even bangs on your door.

These are all really good signs that No Contact is working. These are all common reactions, and show that he is having an emotional reaction to your withdrawal.

You must still not respond.

If you feel bad about this, if you are ignoring him and it’s his birthday, or he’s broken down and wants your help, or whatever, just remember that he dumped you (or treated you so badly you had to leave him).

He hurt you, and while it’s not about tit-for-tat, he does need to realize that things are not okay, and that there are consequences to the breakup.

So do not respond.

What If He Wants His Stuff?

There are a couple of situations where ignoring him might not be possible – if he turns up and you are face to face, or if he asks to get his belongings back (or you need something important or valuable back from him).

If you need to exchange belongings, you can break No Contact for this and not have to restart.

If you refuse a reasonable request, you would seem rude and obstinate; not very helpful if you want to get back together.

If you want something back, make sure it’s something worth it – don’t just use it as an excuse to see him. You don’t need to get your old t-shirt or toothbrush back. Leave it. If he wants something back, be gracious about it and agree to meet him to exchange. If he doesn’t want to do it face to face, respect that.

When you do see him, keep the interaction short and sweet. Look your best, be nice, but don’t linger or ask him questions. You are busy getting on with your life.

What If He Turns Up?

If he turns up suddenly wherever you are and you have to talk to him or you would appear completely rude – the same rules apply.

If you are out and about, I will assume you are being the Ungettable Girl and looking the best you can. That’s step one covered.

Be happy, bubbly and positive.

Answer his questions, but don’t engage him in any extra conversation. So, if he asks how you are, tell him you are great, thanks. Don’t then ask him how he is, or what he’s been up to, or if his sister went to that salon you recommended… Keep the conversation short and sweet.

If he asks you why you are ignoring him/being childish/being mean or tries to start an argument, avoid reacting. Smile a natural smile and say, “I’m not ignoring you. I’m just focusing on myself and my life.” Or something similar.

Be the one to end the conversation. You can say something like, “I have to get back now. Nice to see you,” then leave. You want to leave him wanting more. If he hasn’t had all his questions answered, he will be even more curious.

He’s caught you out, but you can still come out of it with the upper hand.

Note that most exes don’t contact during the No Contact period. This doesn’t mean they don’t care or that they have forgotten about you. Want to know more about what’s going on in his brain while you are laying that No Contact on him? Here’s another article all about it.

So Why Does The No Contact Rule Work?

Well, by ignoring your ex, you’re stirring up his curiosity. There’s no explanation why for all of a sudden you began to ignore him.

Especially if you were gnatting him beforehand (bothering him constantly, like an annoying little fly).

Especially if he asked you repeatedly to leave him alone, and you didn’t…then suddenly, there’s radio silence.

And most especially if, at the same time as rebuffing all contact, you are seemingly having the time of your life and not wallowing in the usual post-breakup misery.

He becomes curious.

He can’t live without knowing why you’re not trying to talk to him. He wonders why you aren’t at home crying every night. His male pride will be smarting at least a little bit.

He will feel the need to fight against the change, even if he doesn’t understand why he is feeling this way.

Now the issue is that if you break your own No Contact Rule by responding to any messages, you undermine the effectiveness of the Rule. Instead of thinking that he doesn’t know what’s going on and becoming more curious, if you respond, you are reassuring him.

His curiosity disappears. He’ll sit and think you know what? She’s probably wanting me back. She’s probably chasing me. I can get her to talk to me anytime I want. I’ve still got her if I want her.

You don’t want your ex to think that.

The Grey Areas And The Limited No Contact Rule

I’m a big believer that there are no absolutes in life. Oftentimes you find the answers you need in the grey areas.

That can certainly be true with a No Contact Rule. There are some circumstances where you’re going to be forced to modify your No Contact Rule into a Limited No Contact Rule.

So what is the Limited No Contact Rule?

Limited No Contact is a predetermined amount of time after specific types of breakups where you cut off all communication except on essential matters.

Now, I made a big stink about the one rule with a No Contact Rule being, do not contact.

Here’s that grey area. There are certain situations you will find yourself in where you’re just not going to be able to use the No Contact Rule in its purest form. Instead you must use the Limited No Contact Rule.

Here’s where people get messed up. They try to rationalise the fact that they need to go into Limited No Contact Rule so they don’t have to do the full No Contact Rule.

This is a bad idea. Full No Contact, where possible, gives you the best chance of having your ex go through all the stages of post-breakup thinking regarding you, from anger and pain through to the curiosity we were just talking about, then hopefully regret and a desire to connect with you again.

So don’t kid yourself that Limited No Contact will be best for you. That’s not how it works. You are either in a No Contact circumstance or you are in a Limited No Contact circumstance. In this case it is black and white.

There are no ways to turn things from a No Contact Rule into a Limited No Contact rule. It just doesn’t work like that.

If you are in one of the scenarios below, you can utlise the Limited No Contact Rule. If not, you can’t – so don’t try to wriggle out of full No Contact!

How Do you know if you are in a Limited No Contact Rule situation?

There are five scenarios where you will need to employ a Limited No Contact Rule.

  1. You are co-workers or at school together
  2. You share a living space
  3. You are married
  4. You have children together
  5. You are pregnant with your ex’s child

In these five scenarios, the question isn’t, will you break the No Contact Rule? You have to, and that is why in these circumstances we instead recommend a Limited No Contact Rule.

And What Should I Do In Limited No Contact?

As little as possible.

Basically, you keep things strictly business.

You only communicate about the important things that need to be talked about.

Essentials such as:

  • A work project you’re both involved in
  • Childcare arrangements
  • Important documents or possessions you need to exchange
  • Paying bills or other joint issues

Think about what these essentials are in your situation.

Instead of responding to your ex’s attempts to make small talk e.g, about the weather, you are only going to talk to your ex about things related to these essentials.

If he asks how you are, reply that you’re great, thanks. This doesn’t break the rule. But remember that if you then ask him how he is, you’re creating more of a conversation than is totally necessary and that breaks your Limited No Contact Rule.

What about the shared living space?

How do you handle situations like that?

The absolute best way is to move out. Do anything you can to remove yourself from this situation, even temporarily, because our research has shown that this brings down your chance of success at getting your ex back. He just won’t have the chance to get over the breakup and miss you – because you’re right there.

If you are living with your ex, when you are in his vicinity, you’re going to keep things strictly business, the same as with the other situations outlined. You’re not going to start a conversation with your ex.

But if, for example you’re having breakfast and your ex walks in and starts talking to you, you don’t want to be flat out rude to them, so you’re going to keep it short and sweet, and exit the conversation as soon as you can.

Your ex needs to understand that things are not okay, and that you are not okay together. You don’t want him to get a sense of security.

Work on this by also keeping your distance. Spend time with friends, on dates, out at the gym, with family – don’t mope about where he can see.

You don’t need to explain where you’re going, even if you are leaving the kids with him. Just say, “Out!” and exit with a smile. Look your best as much as you can; you can even flaunt nice new outfits or haircuts…as long as you don’t talk about it!

So keep it super simple and all about the business of whatever circumstance you find yourself in.

Hopefully you have gained some clarity on how to handle things if your ex contacts you during the No Contact Rule.

Remember, the first rule of the No Contact Rule is that you do not break no contact. The second rule of the No Contact Rule is that you do not break no contact!

Except if you’re in a legitimate limited No Contact situation…

Remember to take the free and easy quiz to work out what chance you have of getting your ex back, before you invest your precious time and effort.

Also, if you’re a little unsure about how all this works or any aspect of it, please leave a comment below. I try to respond to every comment and give you some steps to help you move forward.

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109 thoughts on “What To Do When Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact”

  1. Avatar

    Sam

    September 9, 2020 at 2:16 pm

    My boyfriend and I were only together for 2 months and he broke up with me 6 days ago because we had a couple of arguments and he said he couldn’t handle it. I implemented the NC rule straight away and he has text me today saying he hopes I’m okay and he needs to drop off my dvd and pick up paint that he left at mine. He also asked me why I blocked him on social media (I hadn’t blocked him, I actually just deleted my accounts). I opened the message but didn’t reply and hes now just messaged again saying “hmm.. Maybe that was the plan..” I think he is maybe trying to get a reaction from me but I’m not taking the bait. Is this the right thing to do? Should I reply to him or leave it? Doesn’t seem like a dvd and paint are that important to want to pick up/drop off…? Thanks in advance!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 9, 2020 at 9:37 pm

      Hey Sam, you are allowed to reply when it comes to giving items back, however if the paints and DVD are easily replaceable make sure that you avoid answering him until after your No Contact is over. However the fact hes noticed you are off social media / thought you blocked him. Shows he is keeping an eye on you, or at least trying to

  2. Avatar

    Wanda

    September 1, 2020 at 1:15 pm

    Hello there, i also need advice i broke up with my ex 4 months ago, after 2 months i started applying no contact, she contacted me on day 5 wanting her stuff which she never came to take. We have been communicating quite frequently but im still not getting what i want and today was day 4 of another NC she just called 5 times i felt bad and thought maybe she not okay I responded only for her to tell me she misses me badly and she been stalking my Facebook profile. Should I restart NC , she is not sure about us getting back she loves me but shes going through stuff that involves a late spouse..im so confused

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 6, 2020 at 11:04 am

      Hey Wanda, it sounds as if when NC starts working you give in to her. You need to follow a NC and stick with it! Being strong, let her miss you. That’s the point. In the mean time you work on yourself to be the best version of you

  3. Avatar

    Sadhana

    August 24, 2020 at 7:40 am

    What to do he keeps texting me everyday, this is sixth day of my nc. He tries to contact me through his cousins and friends. I answered his friend, she told me that he felt very bad, and he missed me. I answered to her “it’s alright. I will be talk to him”.does it cause spoil no contact? Will no contact still have impact on him after this event? Will it work?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 9:56 pm

      Hey there, so speaking to his friends and family is breaking the no contact as you are indirectly speaking to him during your NC. You need to re start and ignore him he is feeling bad – let him! He broke up with you. Focus on yourself and start working on the UG information

  4. Avatar

    Sadhana

    August 21, 2020 at 3:06 am

    What to do he texting me everyday. This is 3rd day of my no contact. Accidently I was seen his text, But i am not replied him. Does it cause spoil my nc? Will no contact still have impact on him after this event? Will it work?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 27, 2020 at 1:30 pm

      Hey Sadhana, this is not going to break your NC if you opened it and didnt reply. Just try to avoid opening it again for the rest of the NC period

  5. Avatar

    D

    August 16, 2020 at 12:50 pm

    What to do if you were in a week of nc but u had to tell him about doctor’s appointment? Do you continue with NC or start over?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 17, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      You would need to start over, unless the appointment concerned his health, or his child there was no need for you to tell him about said appointment

  6. Avatar

    Ayesha Najeeb

    August 11, 2020 at 9:05 am

    So, there has been certain conflicts in my relationships since the past two months. And as much as i like to address those and the feelings associated with them, my boyfriend just does not like that. He is like its all okay, whenever he is calm again. It made me uncomfortable and he also started hiding things and started lying about that, even after i have told him that i know he has been doing it. I have been needy and I won’t say my actions have been entirely appropriate but i told him that i want to know how he feel when he is ready as trusting has become an issue now with all the lies. He lashed out at me stating old fights and issues i had no idea about and he has never mentioned and said alot of things one thing which was recurring was that he can’t do it anymore and then he blocked me from all of his social media. I didn’t try to call him either since it was clear that he doesn’t want to talk. He texted me after 4 hours if he can call me and i replied by saying if he wants to. I haven’t got any calls or texts since then and neither have I texted.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 1:58 pm

      Hey Ayesha, I think it sounds as if what ever he is lying about is causing you to not trust him and it is going to break your relationship up. No trust – not healthy for any relationship. I think it sounds as if you do both need a break from each other to be honest if all you are doing is falling out and fighting. Give him some space for 30 days and then try to contact him and build on that if you still want to be with him. Removing your feelings for him look at how he is treating you and consider if this is a person you think you can have a good relationship with

  7. Avatar

    Parvathy

    August 3, 2020 at 3:45 pm

    Hi Shauna, it was actually a beginning of two different state relationship between us.We have a huge distance between us,but I just fell for him . Initially he was the one who told me that he finds it so comfortable with me and he hasn’t ever felt such deep feelings for any other.But at that time I told him that we shouldn’t be concluding anything so fast and asked him let’s wait for sometime..and in between somewhere I started falling for him..He was just the perfect guy for me.He knew very well to handle with my mood swings and all .But things changed when he started having exams at his college,he had exams every alternate day(used to send me snapshots of announcements) .He is doing MBBS and is a studious kinda person.And I started clinging on to him and everyday I used to argue with him saying why he is not messaging me.It was the first relationship for him and he was always afraid to commit.And when I messed everything up,he told me that he prefer being single and now I am controlling him and he feels like someone is putting pressure on his head and pressing..(the same phrase he used).He told me that we will remain friends,but I need him.Nowadays he messages(WhatsApp) and calls me continuously but I haven’t attended yet.Please help me, what should I do to get him back as mine

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 3, 2020 at 8:06 pm

      Hi Parvathy, I would suggest that you start following the rules of No Contact that is explained in the articles, stop reading his messages and definitely do not answer calls let him feel the loss of you this is how you start changing things. If he thinks that you were controlling him then not speaking to him for some time will make him realise that. And then spend your time working on your holy trinity

  8. Avatar

    Leonora

    August 1, 2020 at 2:43 am

    Hello.. I was broken up with my bf 2 weeks ago. We have been in LDR relationship for 6 months. He said he wanted us to just stay as friend and I decided to do NC after his only reading my long text without reply.
    So he is typical guy who doesnt like talking over phone. I had been feeling distant since 1 month before breakup. I thought he might have found another person there. During breakup, he refused to talk directly over phone and never contact nor give me a call after I beg him to communicate honestly over the phone.
    After 3 weeks, I posted like stories of me smiling with my friends. He commented “Finally you can smile (with smiley emoticon)”. I only read the text without replying back. The following day (today), he texted me again with random question asking if i went back to my hometown. I havent responded yet. Im still loving him and it has been hurt this past 3 weeks. However I have been trying to move on and divert my mind from him. What should i do with his texting? Should I just continue ignoring him during NC?
    Thankyou

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 15, 2020 at 2:43 pm

      Hi Leonora, yes you keep ignoring him through your 30 day no contact, even if he does reach out to you you do not reply. Unless he messages you to say he wanted to get back together you do not break

  9. Avatar

    Natalie

    July 12, 2020 at 3:29 pm

    Good morning
    your articles have been very insightful for me and I would like to get advice for my situation since it does not seem like one of those “stereotypical” breakups.

    My ex boyfriend and I were friends first and started to go out after half a year.
    Everything was great but because of our communication problems when we did have arguments, he started to become more distant by saying “I need time”.
    By this, he meant completely not being in touch until he was ready to talk about the fight.
    It was so painful that I broke up with him after that happened twice, thought that I cannot stand the pain to wait for him to be ready all the time while all I want to do is talk and solve the issue as soon as possible.

    So even though I triggered the break up, it still feels like he is the one who broke up with me.

    After that, I sent him an email how truly I feel about him, how much I love him and how much I regret triggering the break up.
    but he only said it’s very confusing and not wanting to talk for a while. So he is going No Contact.

    I realized that me breaking up with him was an act of defending myself and there was nothing wrong with it.
    I did everything I could and now I am also trying to move on/ go No Contact with him.
    He still said about the possibility of reconnecting in the future and at least being friends later.

    I already muted everything that comes from him on social media so I don’t have to see anything.
    It has helped me so much and I feel better and better about myself! revisiting my old hobbies, hanging out with friends, I feel the change in myself little by little.

    But I see my ex checking my social media even though he said he needed space.
    I am confused about his actions and don’t know what to do.

    Should I hide it from him? or Should I do nothing about it?

    also, I wonder, does this make sense?
    I feel like he broke up with me even though I said that out loud, and he’s the one who wanted no contact first.
    Does it work if I go no contact with him too, hopefully for him to talk to me again?

    I still miss him and we didn’t break up because we stopped liking one another so I hope that we can reconnect again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 5, 2020 at 11:33 am

      Hey there, do not hide your social media you need to let him see how great you are doing and make him question why you are not sad and missing him. This is the impression you need to give to him! Complete your No Contact working on yourself and then reach out after the 30 days.

  10. Avatar

    Flora

    July 5, 2020 at 9:42 pm

    I was broken up w/ via text recently, (after 3 years) I had responded w/ a initial (angry) response, but, I’ve been silent ever since. He has “leftover” girlfriend business, apparently they are “friends”, but intuition tells me there’s still something there… he defends it always, and threatens our relationship whenever it comes up. Hence the breakup. I feel there might be something deeper going on as well, something he refuses to look at. Anyway he reached out to check in, and I haven’t responded… Of course I want him to wake the F-up, and deal with his past, but unsure if I should give a very short reply, or no reply at all. BTW, were older, 40’s. He left a b-day gift for my daughter the other day at the door, I never texted him a thank you or anything, as well as no response to the reach out last night…
    As far as what I want, well, I’d love to be with him, but the circumstances must change, he has to deal with this ex thing, and address the deeper wound inside him, But for some reason he won’t let go of this ex situation. So here I sit quietly…. lol… I mean I guess I answered my own question NC is the way to go…. What does one do after 30 days of no contact? 24 days to go….Thoughts? Thank You : )

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 7, 2020 at 9:32 pm

      Hey Flora at the end of your NC you need to reach out with a text that Chris has suggested in his articles, this is to have a short conversation to break the ice with your ex. Be sure to read and understand before reacting out

  11. Avatar

    Jasmine

    July 3, 2020 at 3:27 pm

    Me and my ex broken up 2 months ago after a 4 year relationship. And we had a house together. Hes now with another girl. Weve kept in contact to sort out Bill’s and such. I’ve moved into a new house and he texts about the old house Bill’s and slyly asked if I settled into the new one. Do I respond? Or just ignore that text all together?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 4, 2020 at 10:37 pm

      Hi Jasmine, it really depends on what you want to achieve, if you want him back then you need to read and follow the being there method, if you want to be friends you can answer him. If you want nothing to do with him then ignore him. If you want to follow the program then you need to have done 45 days of No Contact before you can reply to him

  12. Avatar

    Sam

    July 1, 2020 at 3:19 pm

    I really need your help, my ex Partner broke up with me 3 weeks ago and took all his belongings. He started to text the next day but I started no contact. He has text and called many times since then. The other day he called from a new number, which I didn’t know it was him and I answered. When I recognised his voice I said I didn’t want to speak to him and I put the phone down. I’ve not answered any calls from that new number or his old number and have been ignoring him since. I would like to know did I break the contact and have to start again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 1, 2020 at 9:35 pm

      Hey Sam, you did not break NC as you didn’t know it was him and ended the conversation sharply so that you didnt have an emotional conversation. If he continues to contact you I would hear him out – but do not accept that he is sorry etc but he thinks it is for best. Do not engage in emotional conversations either.

  13. Avatar

    Lola

    June 19, 2020 at 6:56 am

    So here is my story. He texted me after 6 days of NC saying this “I hope that we will be able to talk soon with calm head. If you dont want that and you dont care, I will understand.”….We really had a bad fight that lasted almost two weeks of constant shifting of guilt. And it was me that ended things one month ago but we would still talk and send messeges and it was me that started NC 9 days ago. I ended things cause I wasn’t sure what he wanted and I am ashamed of this but I was a bit needy, sending messages first (a lot of them) and he would only reply to one. We were together for 4 years and there were ups and downs, we would break up a lot but would send constant message and it never looked like a real break up. He said I was his soulmate, but in all 4 years all I had from him was his words not actions, I was always the one to initiate something first. I think I just want him to show how much he cares for me cause he never did, it was always me giving 100%. I still love him and want him back. One more thing: we work together so we see each other sometimes,and I dont say hello anymore. How soon should I reply on his message? I am gonna lose him, cause he said if i dont care he will understand. It’s been two days after his message, what should I do? Thanks in advance for help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 18, 2020 at 12:04 am

      Hey Lola, while in work you need to follow a limted no contact where you only speak with him for professional reasons but not for general conversation. You need to complete a 30 days limited no contact, so I would suggest that you ignore his message as you are not worse off for not replying. You have already broken up. So stick with the program and work on yourself in that time

  14. Avatar

    Kristen

    June 16, 2020 at 2:28 pm

    What if my ex asked for space, and then when I give it to him he then texts that he wants me to come over so we can talk. Clearly I should be ignoring this? Right?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 7:47 pm

      Hey Kristen, not if you are not broken up no. But if he ends things with you – Agree that you think you should take some time apart and leave remaining composed

  15. Avatar

    Selene

    June 13, 2020 at 7:30 am

    Hi, so on the day I broke up with my ex (a little more than a month ago), I told him I will be going to his house to collect my clothes and stuff after the COVID-19 lockdown. I only started no-contact 10 days ago and he texted me today confirming the plan, asking “u’re coming over to my place to collect your things, right?” If I reply yes, is it breaking no-contact or should I just ignore the question?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 13, 2020 at 9:56 pm

      Hey Selene, no it is not breaking NC if you are going to collect your belongings

  16. Avatar

    Umama

    May 13, 2020 at 3:17 pm

    Hey, so i really really need your help. I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for 6 months and the last two months, we’ve been doing long distance because of quarantine. he suddenly started ignoring me a lot during the past month and we really started becoming distant. we quarreled multiples of times on the topic of who’s ignoring who and his excuse was usually that he just didn’t like texting. (he didn’t even call me anyways) and i used to forgive him, this happened about 5 times. and then i started seeing as if he had started loosing his interest in me. all he ever showed interest in was sexual stuff and that’s it. Sometimes i really felt as if he wanted me to break up with him but he wanted me to do it so that he could blame me for it, and so i couldnt keep it in anymore. everyone told me that he was becoming really toxic and all, and so i broke up with him last week. i was a mess after that and surprisingly, he wasn’t. i don’t think he even cried once. he told me to stay friends with him to which i agreed but it kept getting harder for me to keep seeing his snaps and him on social media. and even in school meetings online. thus, i thought about applying the no contact rule.just to make it clear, i still love him and i want him back. i forgave him knowing how he used me but i still keep missing him. Its hardly been one whole day, i removed him from my insta and blocked him on snap. but he just texted me saying how hes sorry that our streaks were broken and wants me to add him back. I’m really tempted to tell him that “i need space” so that he wont text me now, but should i really do it? how do i go about it? is it necessary to respond to him now? he keeps on texting saying my name. should i open the message and leave him on seen? or should i completely ignore? or should i just tell him to give me space? keeping in mind i want him to love me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 2:41 pm

      Hey Umama, yes definitely allow some time and space. Complete a No Contact period and then when you have done the 30 days use a text that Chris suggests in his articles. The important thing when an ex asks for space is you allow them that. It shows you are respectful and not sitting there waiting for them, you use social media or mutual friends to show how you are doing well even though you are broken up

  17. Avatar

    Shel

    May 10, 2020 at 6:45 pm

    Hello,
    My ex split with me, a week later we ended up in a heated argument resulting in being blocked by my ex on most platforms. Aiming for the 45 days NC and on day 37 he has sent an email saying hope you are good and could I post his items to him. He knows I don’t really have anything of his and definitely nothing he actually would want / needs – a towel for example.

    Do I break NC when it seems like an excuse to contact? Maybe he’s testing the waters if I have calmed down or wants closure but it is not a positive reach out text so do I reply? Or wait a bit longer with NC or do the full 45?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 2:07 pm

      HI Shel as he has asked for things back, I would reply asking what is is he wants sent back. Provide a list of things you know are his and then ask for his forwarding address. Then add another 10 days to your NC before reaching out with a text that you planned at the end of your NC

  18. Avatar

    Kayla.Louise

    April 20, 2020 at 8:46 pm

    Hi there;
    After multiple phone calls and many text messages from him, my ex showed up at my front door on day 20 (as of apr/20 I’m on my 21st day of full NC since we broke up less than a month ago). I didn’t went out to meet him, my sister told him politely that ‘she was sorry, but there was little to no response on my part’, so he left, but kept calling me as well as texting my closest friends to play the victim -.-
    You think I should’ve talked to him?? should I just finish the 30 days, or contact him ASAP?
    Regards, and thanks for your repense in advance
    – Kay

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 9:01 pm

      Hey Kayla, so unless your ex reaching out to you telling you, that you want to get back together then I would stick to NC for now. You mention he plays the victim, this is common in break ups where they feel they need to be the victim in the break up so that they are not guilty for the break up

  19. Avatar

    Shae

    April 15, 2020 at 5:33 pm

    So me and my ex were together for almost 4 years. He broke up with me because he said he isn’t ready for a committed relationship, he said I should find someone who can give me what I deserve, I asked if he loves me he said yes but he has to do whats best for us both, I started no contact then broke it trying to ask him to try again, he said we should just be friends. I don’t want to just be friends with him, I sent him a heart felt message and he said he would answer when he’s ready and he still hasn’t replied days after. I told him to just say bye since he doesn’t want me and he refuses to say bye. I asked him to unblock me from Twitter so I can check in to see how he is doing and he said he would but he hasn’t. I don’t know what to think. I really love him and want him back. He text me good morning today and I decided to ignore him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 23, 2020 at 5:33 pm

      Hi Shae, I would suggest that you complete a full NC without replying to him at all when he does reach out. Also you telling him to unblock you, sending heart felt messages are not going help you in this situation, you need to make him feel that you are done and moving on with your life as the way you left things he knew he could have you back when he wanted

  20. Avatar

    Saurav

    April 11, 2020 at 5:47 pm

    Hi, I’m really confused – should I or should I not, apply No contact rule in my situation.

    We argued over messenger. I was bit needy and was expecting sometime of her, but latter things didn’t went well and conversation ends on getting apart(my mistake). Though we didnt had any harsh or hurting conversations and I thought next day it will get sorted. Whole day we didnt spoke to each other.
    I felt to initiate talk again and I apologized for my mistake by calling her and said sorry. But she was so serious that she don’t want me any more. Things went beyond reach that I begged …to give me a chance …I will change …but she was determined and rejected all my apologies and said she will never have a feeling for me but can remain as friend. (There were many other things that she said 🙂 )

    I personally feel and agree that we both share strong bond beyond friendship. We know each other from last 6 years and in a very very good love relationship from last 8 months.

    I stopped interacting with her to give her space and respect what she wants and decided. After break up, for two days or so…I started talking to her as a friend but that wasn’t me and our formal conversations made me more restless but I didnt said a word to create any sort of argument.

    Then I decided not to contact her, but she still text or calls me every day and I’m trying my best to ignore her.
    I dont know what does she wants from me – to express my feelings so as to comeback Or she’s just testing me.
    Should I talk to her what she exactly want and clear things or stop all contact with her.

    Finally, I love her and don’t want to lose her in any way.

    Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 10:52 pm

      Hi Saurav, yes you need to apply a 30 day NC minimum, unless she messages you to say she wants to get back together keep ignoring her

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