How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Every single day I get hundreds of comments, emails and Facebook messages on my Facebook Page asking me all kinds of questions about the no contact rule. Now, when I first started this site I didn’t mind answering the same questions over and over again because for me it was mind blowing that so many people wanted advice from me.

Of course, time is a great equalizer and pretty soon answering the same questions over and over again began to wear on me.

For example, I am guaranteed to answer the following three questions pretty much every single day.

” My ex boyfriend has a birthday coming up should I break the no contact rule to wish him a happy birthday?”

” I work with my ex so how am I supposed to do the no contact rule?”

” What do I do if my ex boyfriend doesn’t contact me during the NC period? Should I just stay in NC until he contacts me?”

One of the most annoying things for me when I write about relationships is that no two relationships are ever alike. Each one is unique in it’s own way. Now, this can be an incredible thing for the two people experiencing the relationship but for me, someone who is trying to help others by looking for trends, it can be quite annoying as there are so many situations that I have to cover.

The no contact is not immune to this principle as evidenced by the many different situations that can accompany it.

In fact, I often find myself wishing there was some sort of cheat sheet I could point people to so that all their NC questions could be answered in a snap. Unfortunately, no such cheat sheet exists…

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Learn More About The No Contact Rule

Hopefully a lot of you who are reading this page are already aware of my E-Book, The No Contact Rule Book. However, if you aren’t then I would like to take a small moment to let you in on what it is.

About a year ago I came to the conclusion that I need to put something together for people who were embarking on the long arduous journey of implementing the no contact rule.

There were just so many questions.

How do I handle NC if I work with him?

How do I handle it if he is super nice to me?

Am I ever allowed to break it?

So, I put together this monster book (that’s almost as long as Harry Potter) to explain and outline the entire process of the no contact rule.

Check it out,

The No Contact Rule Book

What Is The Point Of This Page?

whats the point

I have high ambitions for this page.

Here is my big vision.

Imagine that you are about to embark on the incredibly hard task of implementing a period of no contact on your ex boyfriend. You understand the basic principle of no contact but midway through your no contact a situation arises and you don’t know how to handle it.

The Situation- Your ex boyfriend wants his things back from your house.

All of a sudden you are panicking because you have no idea what to do? Are you supposed to break the no contact? Are you supposed to stick with it and be rude?

That is where this guide comes in. It is my goal to put down every possible situation I can think of that you could possibly encounter during the no contact period on this page so it can serve as a “cheat sheet” or a “go to” guide that you can reference for an easy answer.

Of course, for me it’s not enough just to give you the answer. I want to explain to you why “the answer” is important so not only are you going to have all of your no contact questions answered but you are going to understand why they are answered the way they are answered.

Here are the situations I will be covering,

  • What to do if you or your ex boyfriend want to get your things back.
  • How to handle NC if you work with your ex.
  • How to approach the no contact rule if you have a child with your ex boyfriend.
  • What about if you live together?
  • Can you break NC to wish your boyfriend a happy birthday?

Now, before we start dissecting these items one by one I feel it is important to mention that I want this particular guide to be completely comprehensive. So, if you can think of any other situations (that can occur during the no contact period) then make me aware of them in the comments section and I will update this page to answer them.

Yes, I really will!

I want you ladies to be involved in this process so we can create the ultimate cheat sheet for people who have questions about no contact.

A Brief Introduction

introduction

In this section I am going to assume that you have no knowledge what-so-ever on what the no contact rule is. So, since you don’t know what the no contact rule is I am going to give you a quick crash course.

The No Contact Rule- A period of time (which you select) in which you completely ignore your ex in every way imaginable. That means no texting, calling, Facetiming, Skyping or emailing.

Probably what you want to hear is how the no contact rule can help you if you decide to use it.

I have always found that examples are best for explaining stuff like this. So, lets use an example!

Lets say that your boyfriend broke up with you because you were a little too clingy during your relationship. Obviously after the break up you are very heartbroken and you take to the internet to find a way to get your ex back. Luckily you end up on my website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, and learn about the no contact rule.

Now, if you did a good job reading my site you would know that I am a fan of the 30 day no contact rule for most cases (21 days in some cases.) So, you decide that you are going to implement a month long no contact period where you completely ignore your ex by essentially freezing him out of your life.

Lets hit the pause button for a second and look at things from your exes perspective now.

Your boyfriend broke up with you because you were too clingy. After the breakup it will probably be normal for him to feel a sense of freedom since he doesn’t feel so “weighed down” by you anymore. Of course, you did have a lot of amazing qualities outside of the clinginess and as time goes on your ex boyfriend begins to think back to those qualities.

Now, since you were clingy he is probably expecting you to contact him first after the break up. Of course, that doesn’t happen since you are abiding by a strict 30 day NC rule. By day 10 of this no contact period your ex begins to get a little antsy and decides to break the ice first with a simple little text message.

He waits and waits and waits and no response to his text message.

This has been the first time that you have ever ignored him and all of a sudden he begins to see your value.

By ignoring him you are proving to him that you know your own value and that you don’t need him to be happy.

One of the best insights I can give you about men is the fact that we all want to feel needed or wanted. We all want to believe that we are like a god in your eyes. So, by ignoring your ex boyfriend in this case you are essentially telling him that you don’t need him to survive. You don’t need him for anything and this fact is going to drive him nuts.

Remember, men want what they can’t have and the no contact rule is a strong statement that they can’t have you.

FYI, it really works.

Now that you have a better idea of what the no contact rule is lets take a look at how to handle it during some of the most complicated situations.

What To Do If You Or Your Boyfriend Wants To Get Your Things Back During NC

(Learn how to get your boyfriend back with The No Contact Rule Book.)

tooks it

When you are with someone for a long time it is normal for the two of you to swap items here and there.

For example, lets say that your boyfriend has an apartment and you still live at home with your parents (no judgement here.) Lets also say that you dated your boyfriend for well over a year. Well, sometime throughout that year I am assuming that you stayed over his place for the night or left some of your things there.

Well, most likely a time is going to come when you are going to want your things back.

(Side Note: There also may be cases where he leaves things with you and wants to get them back.)

The question on the table right now is how do you approach this situation if you are in the middle of a no contact rule.

Do you ignore him if he wants his things back?

Do you not say anything if you want your things back from him?

Funny thing is that I get this question pretty much every single day on the site. So, exchanging items after a break up is a very common situation you could find yourself in if you are in the middle of the no contact rule.

Here’s what you do.

How To Handle This Situation

the truth

In my mind there are really two different approaches on how to handle this and it all depends on what situation you find yourself in.

What do I mean by that?

Well, is it him asking for his things back or is it you that wants your things back from him?

Lets start with the easiest situation, you wanting your things back from him.

What To Do If YOU Want Your Things Back

The first thing you need to determine is how badly you want your things back.

Are the items that you want back very important to you or can you live without them?

In a perfect world you would have left items with him that you wouldn’t have really cared about. A toothbrush or hairbrush would be a perfect example of this. If you have left items like this with your ex don’t worry about breaking the no contact rule to get them since they aren’t really that important.

Remember, a perfect no contact is one where you don’t have to break your silence for anything.

Of course, exceptions sometimes have to be made.

Lets say that the items you left with your ex mean a lot to you and you absolutely need them back. Well, in this case I think we can make an exception and break the no contact rule so you can get them back.

Here’s the thing though, when you do break the no contact rule to talk to your ex about getting your things don’t get sucked into a conversation with him about anything other than getting your things back. If he tries to talk to you about your relationship with him don’t engage him with it at all.

This is strictly business and the business in question is getting your things back. That is all you talk to him about.

Lets talk a little about how you should approach seeing him in person when you do go to get your things. A lot of women who want their exes back turn to jelly when they see their man. Under no circumstances can you turn to jelly. Just like the initial discussion over getting your things back this is strictly business and that business is just to get your things back.

Now, this doesn’t mean you should be rude to your ex boyfriend. In fact, you should do exactly the opposite, be extremely nice and bubbly.

Don’t let him know that anything is wrong with you or that you are even hurt about the breakup.

Now, your ex may try to bring up your old relationship in person. If he does this simply say the following to him,

“I am not comfortable talking about that right now.”

Remember, your goal is to just get your things and get out as soon as you can. Don’t linger or talk to your ex about anything else. If you ex does try to talk to you about normal stuff like the weather don’t be mean to him. You can engage him but just be really short with him.

What do I mean by that?

Your Ex: “We have been having some nice weather lately haven’t we?”

You: ” We sure have…”

One last thing before we move on. I don’t want you to hug or kiss your ex at all. You are still technically in no contact and I don’t want him to think he even has a chance with you. In fact, I want him to feel what its like to be alone without you.

Why?

Because it’s going to make him realize that being without you is not a very good feeling.

What To Do If HE Wants His Things Back

If your ex boyfriend calls you up one day and asks you if he can have his things back during the no contact rule this kind of paints you in a corner where you are going to have to break the no contact rule to give him his things back.

Why does this paint you into a corner?

Well, with the situation above you had the privilege of choosing whether or not your things were important enough to take back. If you decided that they were important then you could contact your ex. In this case your ex has already contacted you which means he has deemed his things important enough to take back.

The protocol is pretty much the same as above.

Business is business and that business is giving him his things back.

When you see him in person be super bubbly and friendly but be kind of short. Don’t engage him about your relationship with him. Just make the meeting about HIS things. After he has left with his things you jump right back into the no contact rule.

How To Handle NC If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

(Learn what to do if you live with an ex during the no contact rule with the no contact rule book.)

working

The no contact rule pretty much hinges on the fact that you are supposed to completely freeze out your ex for a certain amount of time. Of course, this “freeze out” can be quite challenging to do if you see your ex on a daily basis due to the fact that you work together.

When I first wrote about the no contact rule I didn’t really think that much about the many different situations that you could encounter if you were to do something like this. To me the concept of the no contact rule seemed pretty simple. You pick a certain time frame that you should do the NC in and you do it (meaning you freeze out your ex.)

Of course, it wasn’t until I started getting comments that I started to realize that for many people the no contact rule can be quite challenging.

In fact, one of the first comments I got pointing out a problem with NC was like this,

Hi Chris,

I really want to do the no contact rule but I might have a bit of an issue. My ex and I met through work and we still work together. Will it be possible for me to try the no contact rule since we still work together?

This situation made me think of other people in similar situations.

I mean, what if you are going to school and you have a bunch of classes with your ex so you are forced to see him?

What about if you attend a certain event for work  and your ex shows up. What are you supposed to do then?

Well, here is the smartest solution I can think of.

What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

The first thing I would like to talk about here is what you should look like.

I think I can speak for all men when I say that we are very visual creatures. Yes, a woman needs to have a lot more than looks to captivate a man but don’t fall into the trap of thinking that how you look doesn’t matter. I know a lot of experts would have you believe that all you need is an amazing personality to make a man yours but if I am being 100% honest with you I am not quite sure I believe that.

Take one of my good male friends for example.

He once told me that he would never date someone who he thought was unattractive. In other words, he is basically saying that even if he met a girl with the best personality in history he still wouldn’t date her if he found her unattractive.

As a general rule of thumb I would just say that you should assume that any man you meet is the most shallow person ever.

So, what does any of this have to do with approaching the NC at work?

Well, you are going to be seeing your ex on a daily basis if you work with him so you really have two choices on how to approach the situation.

  1. You can look like the breakup is breaking you.
  2. You can look like the breakup is making you.

Now, just using your common sense what do you think most men are going to find more attractive?

A woman who looks like a million bucks after the breakup.

Wear your make up.

Wear your nicest clothes.

Wear your a push up bra if you have to.

If you feel you could lose a few pounds then get your butt to the gym and lose those pounds.

I want your ex to be unbelievably attracted to you every single time he sees you in person. I want him to want you in the dirtiest ways.

Why?

Because if you can get him to think of you like that AND you are using the NC rule on him he is going to want you even more and that puts the ball in your court.

How To Handle The Actual NC Part Of Working With An Ex

working hard

The no contact rule strictly states that you can in no way have any contact with your ex boyfriend during the time period you have implemented the rule. Of course, this is kind of thrown out the window if you work with your ex since you will be forced to either see or interact with him on a daily basis.

In this case I would like you to follow these special no contact “amendments.”

Amendment 1 – In the case where you are forced to interact with your ex on work

Work is business, right?

I mean, you and your ex were employed to do a job and that job was to help your company make money.

Well, in the case where you are forced to interact with your ex for work I want you to keep things strictly business. In other words, the only type of interaction you should have with him should be about work. If he decides to deviate and talk about your relationship you should simply feed him the line I taught you in the section above,

“I am not comfortable talking about that right now.”

Amendment 2- If He Talks To You About General Topics

Lets say that you do an amazing job of keeping things strictly about your work but unfortunately your ex starts engaging you on more general topics.

Maybe he asks you something like,

“Did you see that episode of Game of Thrones last night?”

or

“What did you do last weekend?”

If he asks you general stuff like that I don’t want you to panic.

Here are your marching orders.

I want you to be super nice and bubbly but also a little short with him. Try not to engage him in a long conversation. Be nice with your answers to his questions but also don’t make your answers very long. There is brilliance in brevity.

What To Do During NC If You Have A Child With Your Ex

(Make sure you read my book, The No Contact Rule Book.)

children everywhere

This is another one of those topics that I really didn’t think much about when I wrote about the no contact rule initially.

Of course, the ladies visiting this site were quick to point out the issue with this and no contact. Before you read on I want to make you aware that I have written multiple guides specifically covering what you should be doing to get your ex boyfriend back if you do have a child with him here and here.

Ok, now that we have the pleasantries out of the way lets take a look at how you should approach the no contact rule if you have a child with your boyfriend.

The Rules Of NC Still Apply For The Most Part

Lets say that you have a child with your ex boyfriend and you have decided to use NC on him. You make it about 3 days in and then all of a sudden your ex calls you up. You stay strict on your no contact credo and don’t give in to his calls. Of course, he does leave a voicemail on your phone and curiosity gets to you so you decide to listen to it.

“Hey, I just wanted to know if I could see Chad (your child together) tomorrow?”

Now all of a sudden you are having this debate in your head on whether or not you should break no contact so you can tell your ex when he can see his son next. I mean, he still does have a right to see his son since he has been a very good father to him.

So, what do you do?

Is it ok to break no contact in this case?

The Child Factor

Listen up because this is important.

The only time you can break the no contact rule in the case where you have a child with your ex is if you have to communicate with your ex about that child.

Whether it’s who can pick him up at school…

When your ex can see that child…

Something going on in that child’s life that has to be talked about…

Much like how when you work with your ex you have to keep things strictly about work. Well, when you have a child with your ex you have to keep things strictly about that child. In other words, if your ex tries to talk to you about anything else other than that child your job is simple, DO NOT ENGAGE HIM.

The only thing I want you talking about with your ex during this no contact period is your child together because that child without a doubt is more important than you wanting your ex back (that’s my personal opinion.)

Of course, a lot of the couples with children end up living together. So, how do you approach the no contact rule then?

How To Approach NC If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend?

living together

Going through a break up when you live with your boyfriend has to be one of the most disheartening feelings ever.

I mean, one moment everything in your relationship is going great and the next you feel like an outsider in your own home.

So, the question on the table right now is how are you supposed to approach no contact if you find yourself in a position where you have to live with your boyfriend? Surely you and him are going to have to communicate at some point, right? I mean, is it even possible do implement the NC rule if you live with your boyfriend?

Technically…

Yes it is.

However, your circumstance prevents you from following the NC rules perfectly.

Lets take a moment and talk about some of the changes you are going to have to make if you live with your ex boyfriend.

Sleeping Arrangements

It is pretty normal for a couple that lives together to sleep together in the same bed.

Well, I don’t think this is going to come as a shock but if you break up with your ex or he breaks up with you then you can’t be sleeping in the same bed as him. That means that you or him are going to have to figure out a new sleeping arrangement.

Now, if he is a gentlemen he would probably opt to sleep on the couch without starting any type of fight over who is going to sleep where.

Of course, most men out there aren’t gentlemen and will opt to get into a massive argument on who will sleep where rather than just taking the hit and sleeping on the couch themselves. If you feel your ex boyfriend is like this don’t even engage in an argument with him.

YOU sleep on the couch yourself.

Is it uncomfortable?

It is…

However, it’ll help you avoid an argument and will make strides in showing him you are an independent woman and show him that you don’t need to sleep in the same bed with him.

Do Not Get Over Emotional

Going through a break up can cause you to experience some of the worst feelings ever.

Going through a break up where you live with the person brings a whole new level of pain.

You are going to be tempted to feel sorry for yourself, sulk throughout the house, sit in a corner and cry or even cry so hard that you can’t even function. In fact, a part of you may hope that your ex feels so sorry for yourself that he rushes over to your side and tries to make you feel better. Heck, maybe he will feel so sorry that he will ask to get back together with you.

Would you like me to explain why acting like this is so dumb?

Your ex boyfriend is probably expecting you to act like this. He is probably expecting you to sulk around the house, sit in a corner, cry and do everything in your power to try to get his attention.

That is his expectation.

If instead you walked around like the breakup wasn’t bothering you. If you acted bubbly and happy and in a good mood it is going to mess with him.

You see, he had an expectation that you would be devastated but when your behavior doesn’t match up as someone who is devastated he is going to all of a sudden think to himself,

“Wow, maybe I didn’t mean as much to her as I thought.”

Now, we all know that a mans mind is a little warped. So, somehow having a man think that he didn’t mean as much to you as he thought he did is going to make you more attractive in his eyes because deep down he wants to be the most important person in your life.

I know… we are messed up huh?

How To Handle Interactions

When you live with someone then that means that you are most likely going to have to talk to them at one point.

This causes a bit of a problem with the no contact rule which strictly forbids contact with your ex in anyway shape or form.

While you can still abide by the rules of not responding or sending texts, phone calls, facebooks or skypes to your ex the face to face contact bit may be a little hard to get around since you will probably see this person a lot until you get a new living situation figured out.

So, the question on the table is how do you approach a situation where you are forced to interact with your ex boyfriend face to face.

As a general rule I have always said that it is best to act like a respectful roommate would act.

In other words, don’t be rude or mean to your ex just give him very casual answers to the questions he asks.

For example, if your ex were to ask you if you took the trash out in person you would respond to him like this,

“I did yesterday.”

Here’s the thing though, you don’t want him to sense that you are angry or upset with him at all. You want to respond to all of his questions in a very upbeat manner without going into a lot of detail. Of course, you do live with this person so your relationship is bound to pop up at one point.

If he does bring up your relationship you simply feed him our favorite line,

“I am not ready to talk about that right now.”

If he throws a hissy fit because you won’t engage him on this topic you simply remove yourself from the situation.

To Recap

  • Be very respectful
  • Keep the interactions you are forced to break NC for very pleasant but also short.
  • Do not talk about your relationship with him.
  • You still can’t text or respond to texts, phone calls or any other social media.

Lets move on to another common question I get here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Can You Wish Your Ex A Happy Birthday/Happy Holiday During NC?

(Need help getting your ex boyfriend back? Check out The No Contact Rule Book.)

happy birthday meme

EVERY DAY!

I literally get this question in comments and emails every single day.

“Chris, is it ok if I break NC to wish my ex a happy birthday?”

Oh, and I get this one every year,

“Chris, as you know tomorrow is Christmas. Is it ok if I text my ex that I hope he has a merry Christmas tomorrow? Even if it is during NC?”

So, I guess what most of you ladies are wondering is if it is ok for you to break a no contact rule (that you have already committed to completing) just to wish your ex a happy birthday.

Hmm… how can I get this through your head so that you understand once in for all if you can break NC just to wish your ex a happy birthday or whatever holiday is coming up.

NO…. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CAN YOU BREAK THE NO CONTACT RULE TO WISH YOUR EX A HAPPY BIRTHDAY OR A HAPPY HOLIDAY.

Got it?

Good!

Why You Can’t Break NC In This Case

There is one main reason why I think it’s dumb to wish your ex boyfriend a happy birthday or holiday during NC.

It’s actually pretty simple.

Do you realize how many people are probably wishing him a happy birthday on his birthday. I had like 100 people wish me a happy birthday on my Facebook last year. Half of these people I didn’t even know or have never even talked to before. To me, someone wishing me a happy isn’t that big of a deal.

Does it feel nice, sure.

Does someone wishing me a happy birthday dictate whether I am going to take an ex back?

No way.

So, why would your ex be any different?

In other words, wishing your ex boyfriend a happy birthday isn’t really going to help you in what you really want to have happen, him taking you back.

In fact, not wishing a happy birthday may actually make him sit there and go,

“Wait, why didn’t she wish me a happy birthday? Did she forget or something?”

When everyone zigs you had better zag.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (739)

  1. SID - 0

    SID

    I and she were good friends and I started liking her. We used to hug each other in a romantic attire on all our bike rides. Never she wanted to leave me. Each time I had to leave the town on some work she misses me so badly. Texts me all the time that she was missing me please come back soon. We were so close to get into a relationship. All this happened for 2 months. She was with me each day all time. So I was very sure she had no other guy between us.

    Suddenly a guy from her collage days came and proposed her and she started ignoring me. Then the guy left to another country but they are in contact with each other. They speak on phone till the midnight and sometimes till early in the mornings.

    Also she started going out for dinners with different guys. Even if I say that some guy is not good. She responds to me like this: “He is good with me, I don’t care if he was a pervert”.
    At our work place there came a rumor that she was dating one of our colleges. She got irritated and left the job showing me, the rumor was the reason she want to leave the job. But then she meets him outside for dinner some times.

    I tried to convince her and she gets irritated. She stopped saying everything to me about her daily routines. she started having a secret life. If she is out with some one and if I call her, she doesn’t respond to my calls., then later gives me stupid reasons like “The battery in the phone was down”, “I kept the phone some where” etc…

    She gets irritated even if I ask her simple questions like:
    “Whats up?”, “Done with your dinner?”, “Where are you?, free in the evening?”

    She stopped meeting me. Even if I plan something something like a party with friends, treck with her she drops the plan with some reason. I then saw some of your videos and tried not to text her. and tried to ignore her. It was hard though. But this is not happening.
    After a day she texts me “good morning” along with other friends and we speak again and I get hurt for what ever she is doing again and again. She ignores me like anything and I get so disturbed and feel like useless.

    Earlier if I go back to my place with out meeting her she used to feel bad and I came back all the way to see her excitement for seeing me, and we were happy. But now she hates to see me. She don’t answer my calls, even if I text she responds slowly where I can see her online status and she is busy texting some one else. She stopped sending the kissy smiles to me and asked me not to send her such smiley anymore. She doesn’t share her selfies with me anymore which she used to do daily and I used to complement her beauty, But she shares them with other people now.

    My mistakes I realized after watching your videos are:
    I tried to convince her and please her very badly. Tried to give a bad image of all the guys she meets. Which I stopped from the past 2 weeks.
    Pleasing her not to meet few people as I thought I might loose her.
    Pleasing her to like me like earlier as I like her.

    When I ask her some thing she responds “Why should I answer you for everything?”,
    She also started saying “Why are you trying to control my life?, leave me alone”.
    She is now saying all the good memories were just a moment. she never liked me and It was my mistake to think that she likes me.

    I am so confused about everything now. Have I been attracted to a wrong girl. But I liked her so much and she also liked me the same. Can I change her back to how we were earlier?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sid,

      you cant control other people.. if you want, do the no contact rule.. heal and improve..so you can reflect on what you really want..

  2. Hannah - 0

    Hannah

    Hi, first of all thanks so much for your advises, it really prevents me from getting all depressed in these horrible days. My ex suddenly told me he had another gf, while a week before everything was still fine. I think it was to get revange as I wasn’t ready to commit to him for a long time while all he wanted was to live with me. While I was almost ready to take the jump to a life with him, he suddenly came with this news of the new gf and dropped me completely. I did everything wrong of course by begging and telling that I was ready to commit but it made things worse and he got angry with insults. Since then, it was begin dec16, we met 2 times, had a nice day together, went dancing and made love. He said I wasn’t his ex and still his nr one, but after the meetings he went quiet again and telling me he was with her. Now he is for a month abroad with her, she lives abroad, but he comes back tomorrow. I think she is just a rebound. We had NC during this time he was abroad, mostly his choice because he hasn’t been online. I sent him a text 2 weeks ago saying in a cool way that I hoped it made him happy whatever it is he was doing. How should I behave when he comes back and texts me? I know he will tell me he’s back, but will I reply briefly to his text or ignore him and stay silent? In essence we did have a month of NC. I hope you can help me decide.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hannah,

      It’s not nc if it was not focused in improving yourself. You have to restart the count and do that. Especially now, talking to him after knowing he’s still with her is like showing you’re ok with everything and have no standards..

  3. Mary - 0

    Mary

    Hello, after 2.5 years of being together I broke up with my boyfriend because of reasons other than him cheating on me. I have since tried to get back with him buy he says he can’t trust my loyalty because I walked away from him. I tried the NC for 18 days but all throughout he would text me and tell me he missed me so I caved In. I went to go see him and he still feels the same about us not being together but says he can’t be without me and loves me so much he doesn’t want me out of his life. He also wants me to go on a trip with him for the weekend. So in my eyes I’m still not getting what I want which is my man back. I’m wondering if I can redo the NC and if there’s anything different i do now to make sure this works.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mary

      it’s not guaranteed that it will work but the best you can do is to restart and stick to it..

  4. Sofia - 0

    Sofia

    I have long gistabce relatinship
    My bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago or less
    I texted him everyday since break up first and he ignored my last message (one week ago). Since that moment I starte NC rule and after a week he texted me and asked about my study (before he told he can help me with it after break up)
    Should I ignore him? Is he texting me bcz feel guilty? (He used to help me before)

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sofia,

      That can be the reason but whatever it is, stick to nc. Be very active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

  5. Lila - 0

    Lila

    Am I allowed to comment on a mutual friends Facebook post that he liked during NC? We have over 100 mutual friends, so there’s also a chance that he’s bound to see something I comment… should I try my best to not comment on mutual friend fb posts??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lila,

      it’s ok as long as it’s not his comment and his post.

  6. EG - 0

    EG

    I had a long distance relationship, everything was good, we had an argument and i said ‘i’m done’ then 10 minutes later i called her to say im sorry, at that time she didnt wanted to talk, the next week she called me but she didnt talk, during the weekend she went out with friends and posted some pictures partying, i was upset, i didnt say anything, she called me at 2 am and i just said ‘If the only thing that you wanted to do was partying and meeting other people you could have just told me’ so she finished the call.
    We spent 2 weeks blocking and unblocking each other from social media sites, i sent her 2 messages saying ‘we should talk, we are grown ups, i love you, this argument shouldnt be a reason to give up on this beautiful relationship’ she just ignored me while i was in a business trip for 2 weeks (also i told her i was going to her city once i get back to my country)

    When i came back to my country, i waited until the weekend to take a flight to her city, so i did, when i was there i texted her and said ‘Hey, how are you? I would like to talk to you, could you get out please?’ ( i was in the gate of her complex for almost 3 hours)
    She just sent me a text saying ‘I dont want to see you and we dont have anything to talk about, respect my choice’

    I took a cab and went to the airport, one week later i had my bday, at 3 am she started sending me voice messages (she was drunk singing a sad song, she was in a bar or something) i just blocked her number, she called me once, twice and then i just turned my phone off. I didnt answer.
    The next day she sent me a package with one of the gifts i got her when we were fine with a picture of us all ripped and destroyed (she has a lot of things such as clothing, music, photos so i think she could have sent everything right? Unless she got rid of everything) so i thought she did it because she got mad because i didnt answer. (It wasnt pride or ego, i was just hurt and i didny want to say anything lead by anger because she didnt even went out just to say ‘im done’ or whatever, she knows that for me, travelling like that is really complicated due to my work and i did it)
    Now its been almost 2 weeks and i havent heard from her, should i try to contact her? Im kinda confused
    Extra details (i dont wanna talk bad about her, but also i dont wanna lie, she is arrogant and likes to show of a lot)
    Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Eg,

      You should try the no contact rule. Even if you haven’t talked for weeks, it was not focused in improving yourself and being active in social media.

  7. Sam - 0

    Sam

    I hae blocked my ex after an argument. He has aot of anger and i can’t deal with how mean he gets when he doesn’t get his way. Since i have blocked him he has rang me a number of times on no caller id.. Deep down, I do want him to change and value me more. Do i leave him blocked? Also he does have my email incase he has something to say..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sam,

      do what makes you have more peace of mind.. As you say, if it’s really important, he has your email add.

  8. Brittany - 0

    Brittany

    My ex have had a very difficult on/off again relationship and I have tried several times to do no contact during our off times. Usually after a few days he texts and calls constantly until I pick up. I have even blocked his number and Facebook for a short time just to get some distance. This time I am trying very hard to commit to the no contact for a full 30 days to break the cycle of on/off again, however, he keeps contacting me from different numbers because I have him blocked. I asked him respectfully to just give me some space and when he wouldn’t I told him I was going to block his number for awhile because I needed time to myself. What do I do now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Brittany,

      with on and off, it’s advised to do 45 days. The more you do it, the less it can help you, so stick to this one. Just don’t answer any anonymous call. If it’s important, that person would text.

    • Brittany - 0

      Brittany

      Amor,

      That is how he is trying to contact me. He is texting me from a different cell phone number than his usual number because I have that one blocked. I believe he downloaded a phone app that you can use to text and gives you a different number (similar to what many kids with iPods use to communicate). And I am confused by what you said “the more you do it, the less it can help”. What does this mean?

    • Brittany - 0

      Brittany

      Amor, he has been texting – just from a different number. I haven’t responded but I’m wondering if blocking him was a bad idea and what to do if he comes to my house because he has no other way of reaching me. Also, I’m confused by your remark – the more you do it, the less it can help you. What are you referring to?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      The more you do the no contact rule, the less it can help you because he would start to think that it’s just your pattern, that you would talk to him eventually after some time. If he comes by the house, that’s not your fault anymore, just be civil and be clear on what you want.

    • Brittany - 0

      Brittany

      Amor, if doing no contact won’t help , what do I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s not that it won’t help totally but if you keep breaking it at some point it won’t anymore. That’s why this time stick to it.

  9. Katy - 0

    Katy

    Please help. So my ex and i broke up 4 months ago we had a relationship of 6 months in the beginning of the end of our relationship we would try again the whole time but it didnt work and the last month he didnt want to anymore i begged cried, he blocked me everywhere. So i went no contact two months but i was stupid his mother kept sending me messaged i rplied we kept contact and he didnt contact me and now i understand he knew everything about me i think it is to late now. ….. i told his mother today that i dont want contact anymore for him and me… but i just messed up

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi katy,

      just try as a last resort.. do 45 days..be very active in improving yourself and in posting in social media..

  10. Alex - 0

    Alex

    Hi Amor,

    My ex of 6 years, 2 of them living together broke up with me on January 28 and moved back to Spain (where he is originally from). I sent him one last text saying that I will lways love him a day after that.
    Now, I have been doing the NC for 25. Yesterday, he sent me a very long text where he said that he has been thinking about me every single day and about our two dogs.
    I already know what I want to say, my question is: Is it OK for me to reply to his text? Or should I wait 5 more days until NC is over?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alex,

      wait, it would be better if you finish the 30 days and text on the 31st day.

  11. Patrycia - 0

    Patrycia

    In the NO CONTACT … is it better to read the text and not respond or just not open them. This is more for Facebook when my ex can see if i read the texts

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Patricia,

      if it’s facebook, better not to.

  12. Daisy - 0

    Daisy

    My ex and I broken up last month because we had our moments. But I already knew I was loosing him . He doesn’t wanna fix nothing because he likes this new girl and wants to date her. But the girl he likes to hop in and out of relationships. My cousin goes to the same school as them and she told me the girl doesn’t like him like that but my ex really like her. I get pissed when I seen him on the girl snap. I contact him and goes completely off. Sometimes he replies or he’s doesn’t . An i tell him that’s she’s going to do him wrong. Because the girl is a hoe. We broke up because I promised him a lot of things to buy and I would buy some but not a lot . I feel bad and really want him back so the stuff I promised to buy I bought and get it shipped to his house. He says he’s not interested in me and I need to move because im never getting him back . But I only made 1 simple mistake . An I’m really hurt and getting depressed .,

    Reply
  13. Alisha - 0

    Alisha

    Hi.. my 2.5yr relationship ended with my boyfriend a few days ago. He was having many insecurity issues. He always talked and argued about my past relationship during our conversation.. but he always tried to make me happy and make me special at times.. He was of the opinion that I and him are very diffrent.. so after few months of him continously saying that he doesn’t want this relationship.. i decided to agree to him and just left. I started following the no contact rule. I just want gim back but a a new person without all the negative memories and impressions he has about me. He always said that i should stop calling him and it irritates him when i request him to stay. He also said that he could not bear me even for a minute. So i jst stopped doing all this and went cold. On the second day of no contact he text me around 30 messages about how he feels that we should be friends he wants to take care of me and my family but doesnt want a relationship. I did not reply to any of message.. I just wanted to know can things work out between us? I dont want him to leave i want a relationship which is postive and happy. And am on the 5th day of no contact.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Alisha,

      the danger of what you’re thinking is that you want him to change, but that doesn’t depend on you because you can’t control him. But I understand what you mean is that, that’s what you hope happens. So, now the best you can do is influence him by sticking to no contact, improving and healing yourself. Because he has to feel, he’s going to lose you and you’re not into being friendzoned.

  14. Tanya - 0

    Tanya

    Hi
    I’ve started the NC with my ex we broke up only Saturday I haven’t texted or called him and I turned my phone off he can’t contact but Valentine’s Day has arrived should I go see him? Would that be a mistake?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tanya,

      nc means no initiating, no replying, no social media stalking. You can only talk about important unavoidable matters like children

  15. Miss Lost - 0

    Miss Lost

    Hi there,

    It’s been 4 months since we’ve broken up, 3 months since we last saw each and almost 6 weeks of no contact. We were together for 2 years and I love him deeply -like no other man before. Unfortunately somewhere along the way things completely changed. He became verbally abusive and stopped trusting me because of my past (I’m talking a good 18 years ago past.) I finally got fed up and extremely upset so we broke up but kept contact. Post break-up he would come off as indecisive sometimes giving me false hopes of getting back together until one day he sounded convinced enough saying it was truly over. I lashed out and did something that caused him pain. I came clean about my actions to him (sidenote this “thing” I’m referring to has nothing to do with me being involved with another person but I did put his biggest secret out there) he said though he loved me and could never be angry enough to hate me over it but that things just would never be the same after that. I regretted everything and still feel ashamed for so many reasons. I just don’t know when or how exactly we lost it. I never had a connection before like the one I had with him. I miss him so much and it’s hard accepting this is truly over. His birthday is this coming Saturday which is causing to think that much more about him. I need help coping or simply looking past this relationship. I don’t know why I’m still so attached even though I know we’re just not compatible anymore 🙁

    Reply
  16. Miss G - 0

    Miss G

    So my ex is a very insecure jealous person. he got mad at me at work because I went to a male co-worker he doesn’t like but I had to. he broke up with me because of that. I’m not allowed to talk to any guys, have no contacts ,talk to no one on social media and I had to leave my motorcycle club.. his issue is just men. Can’t talk to no man at all co-workers nothing. And me going to this co-worker that I had to for the job I had no other choice he broke up with me because of that he said he can’t do it no more. other than his jealousy insecurity issues he is the perfect guy and I love him. I’ve been doing no contact for 3 days now and I doing the right thing what should I do? Also he is very stubborn and has a big ego kind of a show off.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Miss g,

      realistically can you really agree to that for long? that’s not healthy.. it’s not a healthy relationship if it’s like that and the more you allow him, the more he will do it.. that’s good that you’re in nc, start being active in improving yourself and making new friends. but what im concerned is, are you hoping he will change? because if yes, have you talked to him about it?

  17. Jenny Knight - 0

    Jenny Knight

    Is it bad if we went into mutual no contact? I’d been communicating with him for 3 months after he broke up with me (big mistake) and was very emotional. He told me he was dating his friend from high school two months into that 3 months and I feel like the fact that I kept talking to him and bringing up our relationship caused him to completely lose feelings for me and have stronger feelings for this other girl. So I finally decided to initiate NC but I told him so we both agreed. Do I still have a chance to win him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jenny,

      what did you exactly told him?

  18. Lily - 0

    Lily

    Hi,
    Im on 14 days of NC . We were in a 1.5 year relationship, i left his stuff yesterday athis apparment thinking his brother would be there and we could do the switch of bags, however his brother told me he left and only my ex was still up there. So i left the bag in the lobby, texted the brother to tell him his stuff was here and then I
    Left. His brother confirmed me he got his stuff and that he would bring my stuff to my locker at school soon. Today , I bumped into him three times, i was in shock every time . So Idisnt speak. He saw me every time, the second time he tried to make contactbut I just stood there and didnt say hi. The third time, i decided to look at myphone… im trying to do the 21 days NC. We work and go to the same school. I do not know how to do this.. im mix up on if I am doing the right thing.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lily,

      I think you should extend to 30.. Just be civil and polite when you bump into him..are you actively improving yourself?

  19. Lulu - 0

    Lulu

    Hi amor,
    So i just went through my breakup because he finallt confessed that the past 5 month were a complete lie and he had feeling for another girl which happens to be his ex (best friends now tho) “kinda complicated ” so I ended things with him but he still wants me in his life as his friend for as he says he needs me…needs my support cause no one ever supported him like that whatsoever so I started the NC today..but I am 100% sure that he will most likely contact me within these days and if not maybe in a week or so..and so if he does really reach me out via whatsapp or calling how am I suppose to act? i mean i can ignore his calls and act as of im not there to reply but do I ask him afterwards what he wanted by calling? and if he texted by whatsapp do I just open the text and not reply ? tho hes a virgo/ kinda stubborn guy Im kinda a bit scared if I ignored him much and not reply at any of his attempts he might feel humiliates and just stop reaching me for good..what to do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lulu

      you can open the messages but dont reply. He has to think you’re not his friend because he already friendzoned you… Be active in improving yourself too

  20. Frida - 0

    Frida

    Hi
    Hope you get my text and reply. I just sent it and i don’t know if it’s delivered

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Frida,

      yes it did went through..
      you can’t change other people.. That’s why you need to know your standards, your non negotiables. There’s a chance that a person will change to make another person stay, but that is because they know they have to or the other person will not care and walk away if they dont.

  21. Frida - 0

    Frida

    Hi’?
    I’m i have a burning question. Please help me.
    My ex and I broke up 4 months ago. I’m currently doing no contact and I’m on the 17th day of it.
    I am so mad at my ex boyfriend and i feel like talking to him and putting some sense into his head for all the wrong things he has done. I do love him but he’ll never change his ways.
    He has been lying to me ever since we were dating and I don’t even know why he has the need to lie to me. He is keeps things to himself and he lies and I don’t think he’ll ever change and it really hurts me. I know most of what he has ever told me have always been lies and that just makes me so angry coz it’s hard to know when he is saying the truth or not.
    I’ve made inquiries from people but they say he doesn’t talk about personal stuff with people. He doesn’t give out his phone to his friends yet he’ll want to go through other peoples phones. I have a feeling he is hiding so much that’s not good. Like talking to other girls in a sexual way. I know he has done that but how do i control myself and no one has ever even told him the truth about he does. He has an ego and he always doesn’t seem to care or get affected by most things. I am so tempted to contact him and tell him what’s on my mind.Is there hope for us if i don’t even trust him? I really need your help. Can he change and stop lying and also stop hiding things from people and doing whatever he does in secret?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Frida,

      yes it did went through..
      you can’t change other people.. That’s why you need to know your standards, your non negotiables. There’s a chance that a person will change to make another person stay, but that is because they know they have to or the other person will not care and walk away if they dont.

  22. Maria - 0

    Maria

    Hi Amor,
    So about 2 weeks ago I bought the Ex Recovery System in hopes of getting my ex back. My ex and I have been friends since middle school and started dating in high school. As of right now we are both 22. We dated for 2 1/2 years before he initiated the break up, which was 2 years ago. He said we were fighting too much and his feelings were going away. I made the mistake of begging him not to leave. We remained friends, but still continued be intimate. His feelings would come and go, but I still love him, I always have. I read about the No Contact Rule and decided to give it a shot. I am now on Day 7. He tried to contact me on Day 2 and on Day 4. Will any of this help me? Or am I wasting my time with the No Contact Rule? Thank you for your time!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maria,

      i’m not sure, I understood your question.. did you mean you just want to move on or break nc and talk to him? If it’s the later, dont.. focus in improving yourself instead .

  23. WinterBlues - 0

    WinterBlues

    I am uncertain of what to do, I didn’t exactly follow the NC rules. So, on December 1st my boyfriend and I broke up after 2 years of dating. Prior to this, about 2 months prior he kept saying he needs a break and that he doesn’t know what he wanted. I was willing to give him a break – while occasionally texting and maybe seeing eachother once a week. But still he came back to me with “I don’t know what I want, but I still love you” .. being both in our 30s and knowing that I wanted a family, I didn’t like being toyed around especially since we were getting serious and plans were made to come to my country and meet my family. So I felt I had no choice but to end the relationship, I told him – I love you and I am willing to support you as your girlfriend through this and he stated “I don’t want this relationship but I still love you and I don’t want to let you go.” He also stated that he feels very confused and depressed with work influences and wants to just enjoy time with his friends without me. And as an aside, I am not a clingy person and have always been supportive of him enjoying time with this friends. Naturally, I was confused and felt I had no choice but to end it to protect my heart from further heartache as this boy is clearly confused. Now 15 days after NC – I texted him and asked “are you happy” and he responded with “No, I am not, I still love you and want to work things out” … we texted back and forth with eachother and met up and talked, I asked him what that text meant and he kept saying the same things “I don’t know what I want still, I think I want you in my future, etc” Which again, really confusing and I said, you need to figure yourself out and until that happens I can’t be with you. We were no contact until he sent me a text on christmas telling me that he loves me and to wish me a merry xmas … I was so tired of being toyed around – I just responded with “you too” and now there has been no contact ever since. I don’t hear from him nothing. I asked a mutual friend if he has talked to him about us, His friend tells me that he tells him that he felt I was very cold of how I responded to him at christmas and stated that he was sad when he saw I unfriended him on facebook – but still has not made he effort to call or text me or at least put some action toward making this happen. I am very sad, I love him – during this NC I really went into a great depression, I am now slowly getting out of it – I have been hanging out with new people, going on road trips, and putting more effort into my career. Can this not be salvaged? Should I just let it go? Any thoughts?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Winterblues,

      I think as a last resort, restart the count of nc after this and do 30 days and just focus in healing and improving.Move on without fully moving on.. and then after nc slowly rebuild rapport and attraction with him but don’t be too available.. if it doesn’t work, then move on..

  24. Trisha Claire - 0

    Trisha Claire

    Hi,
    We broke up 2 or 3 weeks ago. I started the no contact for like 11 days ago. But then there’s something important that i needed to get from him so i went to his place.. at that time his friend also told me that he is struggling with his family and he needed me to understand him. so i took the chance to ask him how he was when i went to his place and then we talked about our relationship.. i was hurt with what he said that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.. because he’s having so much problem.. i needed to respect his decision, decided to left.. my mistake the day after that i went to see him again and tried to talk about our relationship.. and that time he was annoyed and made it clear that he doesn’t want a relationship now, and that he’ll talk to me soon. I think i’ve put so much pressure on him at that time so i apologized and left.. his birthday is next week i wanted to make him happy but i don’t want to annoy him anymore.. i’m starting to lose hope.. but i am still willing to do everything to have him back so i decided to start the nc period again.. is it too late now? or do you think i still have the chance to change his negative perception of me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Trisha,

      yeah you have to restart the count after that.. I think you have to approach it like he has moved on.. So, focus in improving and changing because he won’t have a different perspective of you if you don’t change for yourself first

  25. Brinda - 0

    Brinda

    Hello,
    I have started with the NC period with my ex. My birthday is in a week, so if he wishes me on my bday what should I do? Should I respond with a Thank you?
    I tried NC before I learnt about this site and he seems to try to reach out to me with a Hi or Hello but when I say something either he gets mad or is neutral. He also keeps checking my Instagram and if I’m enjoying with friends and putting pics, he will make me feel guilty saying sarcastically that you are partying around….

    Please help

    Reply
  26. Rose - 0

    Rose

    Hello
    my ex bf wished me for happy new year like at 2:30 am on the 31/12 ( not yet New Year’s Eve ) it wasn’t a cold msg
    I wished him back too ( not a cold msg as well ) and I don’t know if I did wrong but I asked about him he answered but didn’t ask about me as I said hope always he said assuming I’m good ” you more as well ” then he liked my nye’s pic on insta .-.

    I’m wondering what is this and what should I do ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rose,
      it does mean you cross his mind but what do you want? If you want to build rapport, do it through texts and calls first. If you want to move on, ignore him

  27. Adia - 0

    Adia

    My ex asked to send some of my things back (long distance) after a few days of me implementing NC. One was the second part of the xmas gift he got me, the other is a skullcap I left at his place. What should I say? I don’t really care for these items btw.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Adia,

      if it’s not important, either ignore or tell him you’ll inform him when he can send it

  28. tanya - 0

    tanya

    Hello,

    So have been in NC for about a week and a bit. My ex texted me telling me he was going to be somewhere that I would be. What does this mean? Should I even reply?

    We also have a ton of mutual friends should I be avoiding places he will be at, or should I be acknowledging him when I am in the same social setting?

    Thanks.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Tanya,

      don’t reply to that. Just be polite if you bump into each other personally.

  29. Ally - 0

    Ally

    Hey, so I was talking to this guy seriously for about two months. It was a long distance thing. He went out if his way, flew me out to see him for the holidays for a week. Everything was going well until he told me that he couldn’t see this going into a relationship. He told me this the day before I left, needless to say we didn’t end on the best of terms. We’ve texted a bit and decided to be friends and I haven’t heard from him since, it’s been a couple of days. How should I go about this since it is long distance? Also, he really went out of his way to impress me and see me simply to claim that he doesn’t want a relationship all of a sudden… What do you think is going on?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Ally,

      You mean you never met him in person? If that’s the case, that’s hard to say if he really was serious with you nor with his efforts of impressing because you never met him and he bailed on you just before you were to meet him. If you want, the best you can do is to do a 30 day no contact rule. But for me, you should move on from him

    • Leigh - 0

      Leigh

      Hi,

      Reading your story sounds a lot like a guy I was friends with. He had lots of friends who he would entertain, but had very very few relationships. He had a friend he had told me about that he flew out to Vegas once and then she ended up leaving early. I can’t recall if he paid for her to go, but the sense I got was she wanted more. Yes, he can be very impressive. I’ve seen him in action, but truth be told he isn’t looking for anything. He cuts women off very quickly and doesn’t think twice. The few relationships he has had were because he had to pursue them for long periods of time. If I were you I’d get out while I can. You’re not head over heals and there are plenty of men who will honor you and be sincere. A man worth having wouldn’t act that way.

  30. Nancy - 0

    Nancy

    Hi Amor, I reached out after the 60 days of no contact with a fun memory that we had. He responded almost 24 hrs later saying that yes, that is a cool memory. I responded back to that casually and mentioning I had some exciting news and got no response after that. Should i try again or does that mean he’s not interested in communicating with me and was just being nice by responding to the first text?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nancy,

      more likely he’s just being nice.. wait a week before trying again but dont use a memory text..try a different one, use a topic he always loves talking about

  31. josh88 - 0

    josh88

    Sorry for my English. My fincè and I broke after 10 years of relationship, bot 28yo. Too much work on both side, few money and her couldn’t accept the idea of me not having a work, bacause I promised to marry her for the end of the year. She was getting depressed and obsessed with that. I simply let her go. I wanted to fix my problems first, study hard and find a work. She needed of me but I told her to live her life, whatever happened to us. I literally gave her the strenght to stay away from me. We slowly cut off communication. 5 months passed, I finally got my degree and found a work but she slowly become hystercal and hostile to every attempt of me contacting her. I tried to get news about her by calling her brother, my good friend. She enraged a lot many times about this. In the end she outclassed me: she found this great job with great salary, and from that moment she is going out with these bitchy friends, very sluts, in nightclubs and discos; she did a new facebook profile and adds boys everyday. On december 19 I was still on my new NC time from my last failed attempt. I struggled a lot but I didn’t give her birthday wishes; she send me a message three days after telling me that she was being obnoxious staying away from me, but she suffered like a beast because of the study to prepare this successful test to gain this new job; she had deprived herself of a life, of pleasure, of going out with friends, just because of studying to apply for this job. She recognize I was always standing by her. She says she is now breathing for the first time, and discovering she has emotions and happiness, not because of me being bad previously, but because of the lifestyle due to her study. She is going out with her friends, dancing and laughing but she is not doing “stupid things with boys”, there is no need of that. Indeed, she says she is confused.
    I took time to understand this email and to know if and what to answer. I finally asked my brother for a suggestion, then two friends, all of them who know how much I suffered because of her tell me that is a bye bye from her, a closure.
    But why after so many months? why she also tell me she is not doing stupid things with boys? there is no need! she is not mine anymore! I finally decided to not answer, even for christmas I did no contact at all, and didn t answered at her hypocrital mother giving me wishes.
    Did I do this wrong? NC is finished now. Did I waited too much for answer to her message? what to answer?
    5 days with me not answwring and not doing christmas wishes.. is this dangerous? she is still going out every day!!!!

    PLEASE HELP.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Josh 88,

      the second nc is just 5 days? how much did you improve physically and socially since the first nc? how many new things did you do and new friends did you make?

    • josh88 - 0

      josh88

      The month of NC ended on 20 december. On 22 december she sent me the letter above. I was so confused about the meaning of the letter that I didn’t answered. Not even to this day!!! 8 days passed from the letter to this moment.
      In the previous time I went out quite a lot with my friends and subscribed to a gym. But I’m not doing things continuously.
      But now !!! what to do about this letter? it falls after the first month of NC !!! please help.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Nothing..treat it like a closure letter.. be continuous in improving yourself during and after this nc.. be the alpha male..do new things and make new friends.. Show that you’re moving on through your posts and do new things to widen your world..

  32. Mela - 0

    Mela

    Hi, should I reply to his Christmas wishes during NC period? He just sent me a cold text: Merry Christmas…

    Reply
  33. Shannon Pageon - 0

    Shannon Pageon

    My ex and I broke up 6 months ago. We still live together and hang out all the time. We’ve both gone on dates with other people and had sexual relations with other people… but he still asks me to go to the movies with him and we cook dinner together… its like we are together without any commitment to one abother. he’s currently in North Carolina for two weeks. I haven’t responded to his texts since he went there but I feel like there isn’t much hope for us at this point. Any advise?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shannon,
      are you or him going to move out and when? Don’t sleep with him again..

  34. Anon - 0

    Anon

    Hey Chris,

    My boyfriend of 8 and a half years broke up with me. Says he needs time to find himself. He’s lost and doesn’t love himself and so he can’t be in love with someone else. He told me I’m his best friend, the best thing that ever happened to him, he still loves me but doesn’t think he’s in love. It’s been 4 days since he broke up with me and 3 days since NC. He contacted me the first day sayin he’s sorry he’s hurting me and he still wants to be there for me. He then texted me 3 days ago saying he’s hurting too and that he wanted to see me Monday. (We had Christmas plans together that day). I texted him 3 days ago and told him that I thought it was best we took time apart right now and that’s the last we’ve talked to each other. Until today. He texted me Merry Christmas. Can I respond back? Also, when would be a good time discussing when I should get my things? We lived together so when I left I only packed what I would need for a week. We also have a dog together and I’ll need to stop there to get her more food. Do I wait until NC to completely move out, or before?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi A,

      It’s ok to talk to him about your things that you need and about the dog, as long as it’s only about those things. So, that means no greeting him, no asking how he is, no small talk. If he does initiate when you meet, just reply politely short.

  35. Melissa - 0

    Melissa

    Hello, my ex and I were together 2 years. This past year we’ve had a lot of arguments and broke up then made up more than i can count. This last time we got together, things were better, no arguing, spent a lot of time with each other and had a good thanksgiving with fam. We made Christmas plans then out of the blue i felt he started an argument and wanted a break into Christmas and said we could still spend it and miss each other. I flipped out and became a gnat. I found out a week later his ex was in town visiting the kids because they live with him and that she stayed with him. She’s engaged and he said they didn’t do anything. I started no contact a few days ago so my question is, do i spend Christmas with him if he tries? My kid and his kids are very close and it’s hard but is what to do..thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Melissa,

      If the kids want to spens christmas with his kids, I think it would be better to start nc after the holidays..but in the mean time.. treat this like an nc also.. dont initiate contac but if he does, just give polite short answers.. and start improving yourself too

  36. Nancy - 0

    Nancy

    Hello,

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me 4 months ago. after a 9 mo relationship. We had great chemistry but have both been through some painful experiences in prior relationships (I am recently divorced and he hasn’t attempted a serious relationship for 6-7 yrs before me) so we both had our guard up. There was also a 15 yr age gap with me being 35 and him 50. I love him dearly and although I did want to socialize with my friends once a week, he felt I was too old to go out all the time. He is a man very set in his ways but I too take the blame for being stubborn and not taking the time to listen to him. I also made the mistake of saying horrible things when we would argue which I deeply regret. After the break up I would send little texts here and there and he would respond within a few hours. At first he would ask me in return how am i and then he ended up texting me to “be well”. I took those words as he truly wants nothing to do with me and sent a goodbye email which he never responded to. I have now been practicing NC for 2 months and he hasn’t contacted me. I didn’t wish him a happy birthday or happy thanksgiving..with Xmas coming up I was thinking of wishing him happy holidays either via text or a card in the mail. Is it pretty much hopeless of us ever reconciling?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nancy,

      Take this as a restart. How much did you improve in the past 2 months?

    • Nancy - 0

      Nancy

      I have grown a lot actually. I picked up yoga and have been spending more quality time with myself and close friends while focusing on my career. I’m just not sure if I should reach out. I know I hurt him a lot with being very detached and not overly affectionate. Is it a pretty safe bet that if he hasn’t reached out on his own once in all this time that he is probably not interested in hearing from me?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Nope, don’t assume anything about him for now.. After no contact, you can initiate. Just really improve yourself during and after no contact period.

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