What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule

Every single day I get hundreds of comments, emails and Facebook messages on my Facebook Page asking me all kinds of questions about the no contact rule. Now, when I first started this site I didn’t mind answering the same questions over and over again because for me it was mind blowing that so many people wanted advice from me.

Of course, time is a great equalizer and pretty soon answering the same questions over and over again began to wear on me.

For example, I am guaranteed to answer the following three questions pretty much every single day.

” My ex boyfriend has a birthday coming up should I break the no contact rule to wish him a happy birthday?”

” I work with my ex so how am I supposed to do the no contact rule?”

” What do I do if my ex boyfriend doesn’t contact me during the NC period? Should I just stay in NC until he contacts me?”

One of the most annoying things for me when I write about relationships is that no two relationships are ever alike. Each one is unique in it’s own way. Now, this can be an incredible thing for the two people experiencing the relationship but for me, someone who is trying to help others by looking for trends, it can be quite annoying as there are so many situations that I have to cover.

The no contact is not immune to this principle as evidenced by the many different situations that can accompany it.

In fact, I often find myself wishing there was some sort of cheat sheet I could point people to so that all their NC questions could be answered in a snap. Unfortunately, no such cheat sheet exists…

UNTIL NOW!

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Learn More About The No Contact Rule

Hopefully a lot of you who are reading this page are already aware of my E-Book, The No Contact Rule Book. However, if you aren’t then I would like to take a small moment to let you in on what it is.

About a year ago I came to the conclusion that I need to put something together for people who were embarking on the long arduous journey of implementing the no contact rule.

There were just so many questions.

How do I handle NC if I work with him?

How do I handle it if he is super nice to me?

Am I ever allowed to break it?

So, I put together this monster book (that’s almost as long as Harry Potter) to explain and outline the entire process of the no contact rule.

Check it out,

The No Contact Rule Book

What Is The Point Of This Page?

whats the point

I have high ambitions for this page.

Here is my big vision.

Imagine that you are about to embark on the incredibly hard task of implementing a period of no contact on your ex boyfriend. You understand the basic principle of no contact but midway through your no contact a situation arises and you don’t know how to handle it.

The Situation- Your ex boyfriend wants his things back from your house.

All of a sudden you are panicking because you have no idea what to do? Are you supposed to break the no contact? Are you supposed to stick with it and be rude?

That is where this guide comes in. It is my goal to put down every possible situation I can think of that you could possibly encounter during the no contact period on this page so it can serve as a “cheat sheet” or a “go to” guide that you can reference for an easy answer.

Of course, for me it’s not enough just to give you the answer. I want to explain to you why “the answer” is important so not only are you going to have all of your no contact questions answered but you are going to understand why they are answered the way they are answered.

Here are the situations I will be covering,

  • What to do if you or your ex boyfriend want to get your things back.
  • How to handle NC if you work with your ex.
  • How to approach the no contact rule if you have a child with your ex boyfriend.
  • What about if you live together?
  • Can you break NC to wish your boyfriend a happy birthday?

Now, before we start dissecting these items one by one I feel it is important to mention that I want this particular guide to be completely comprehensive. So, if you can think of any other situations (that can occur during the no contact period) then make me aware of them in the comments section and I will update this page to answer them.

Yes, I really will!

I want you ladies to be involved in this process so we can create the ultimate cheat sheet for people who have questions about no contact.

A Brief Introduction

introduction

In this section I am going to assume that you have no knowledge what-so-ever on what the no contact rule is. So, since you don’t know what the no contact rule is I am going to give you a quick crash course.

The No Contact Rule- A period of time (which you select) in which you completely ignore your ex in every way imaginable. That means no texting, calling, Facetiming, Skyping or emailing.

Probably what you want to hear is how the no contact rule can help you if you decide to use it.

I have always found that examples are best for explaining stuff like this. So, lets use an example!

Lets say that your boyfriend broke up with you because you were a little too clingy during your relationship. Obviously after the break up you are very heartbroken and you take to the internet to find a way to get your ex back. Luckily you end up on my website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, and learn about the no contact rule.

Now, if you did a good job reading my site you would know that I am a fan of the 30 day no contact rule for most cases (21 days in some cases.) So, you decide that you are going to implement a month long no contact period where you completely ignore your ex by essentially freezing him out of your life.

Lets hit the pause button for a second and look at things from your exes perspective now.

Your boyfriend broke up with you because you were too clingy. After the breakup it will probably be normal for him to feel a sense of freedom since he doesn’t feel so “weighed down” by you anymore. Of course, you did have a lot of amazing qualities outside of the clinginess and as time goes on your ex boyfriend begins to think back to those qualities.

Now, since you were clingy he is probably expecting you to contact him first after the break up. Of course, that doesn’t happen since you are abiding by a strict 30 day NC rule. By day 10 of this no contact period your ex begins to get a little antsy and decides to break the ice first with a simple little text message.

He waits and waits and waits and no response to his text message.

This has been the first time that you have ever ignored him and all of a sudden he begins to see your value.

By ignoring him you are proving to him that you know your own value and that you don’t need him to be happy.

One of the best insights I can give you about men is the fact that we all want to feel needed or wanted. We all want to believe that we are like a god in your eyes. So, by ignoring your ex boyfriend in this case you are essentially telling him that you don’t need him to survive. You don’t need him for anything and this fact is going to drive him nuts.

Remember, men want what they can’t have and the no contact rule is a strong statement that they can’t have you.

FYI, it really works.

Now that you have a better idea of what the no contact rule is lets take a look at how to handle it during some of the most complicated situations.

What To Do If You Or Your Boyfriend Wants To Get Your Things Back During NC

(Learn how to get your boyfriend back with The No Contact Rule Book.)

tooks it

When you are with someone for a long time it is normal for the two of you to swap items here and there.

For example, lets say that your boyfriend has an apartment and you still live at home with your parents (no judgement here.) Lets also say that you dated your boyfriend for well over a year. Well, sometime throughout that year I am assuming that you stayed over his place for the night or left some of your things there.

Well, most likely a time is going to come when you are going to want your things back.

(Side Note: There also may be cases where he leaves things with you and wants to get them back.)

The question on the table right now is how do you approach this situation if you are in the middle of a no contact rule.

Do you ignore him if he wants his things back?

Do you not say anything if you want your things back from him?

Funny thing is that I get this question pretty much every single day on the site. So, exchanging items after a break up is a very common situation you could find yourself in if you are in the middle of the no contact rule.

Here’s what you do.

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How To Handle This Situation

the truth

In my mind there are really two different approaches on how to handle this and it all depends on what situation you find yourself in.

What do I mean by that?

Well, is it him asking for his things back or is it you that wants your things back from him?

Lets start with the easiest situation, you wanting your things back from him.

What To Do If YOU Want Your Things Back

The first thing you need to determine is how badly you want your things back.

Are the items that you want back very important to you or can you live without them?

In a perfect world you would have left items with him that you wouldn’t have really cared about. A toothbrush or hairbrush would be a perfect example of this. If you have left items like this with your ex don’t worry about breaking the no contact rule to get them since they aren’t really that important.

Remember, a perfect no contact is one where you don’t have to break your silence for anything.

Of course, exceptions sometimes have to be made.

Lets say that the items you left with your ex mean a lot to you and you absolutely need them back. Well, in this case I think we can make an exception and break the no contact rule so you can get them back.

Here’s the thing though, when you do break the no contact rule to talk to your ex about getting your things don’t get sucked into a conversation with him about anything other than getting your things back. If he tries to talk to you about your relationship with him don’t engage him with it at all.

This is strictly business and the business in question is getting your things back. That is all you talk to him about.

Lets talk a little about how you should approach seeing him in person when you do go to get your things. A lot of women who want their exes back turn to jelly when they see their man. Under no circumstances can you turn to jelly. Just like the initial discussion over getting your things back this is strictly business and that business is just to get your things back.

Now, this doesn’t mean you should be rude to your ex boyfriend. In fact, you should do exactly the opposite, be extremely nice and bubbly.

Don’t let him know that anything is wrong with you or that you are even hurt about the breakup.

Now, your ex may try to bring up your old relationship in person. If he does this simply say the following to him,

“I am not comfortable talking about that right now.”

Remember, your goal is to just get your things and get out as soon as you can. Don’t linger or talk to your ex about anything else. If you ex does try to talk to you about normal stuff like the weather don’t be mean to him. You can engage him but just be really short with him.

What do I mean by that?

Your Ex: “We have been having some nice weather lately haven’t we?”

You: ” We sure have…”

One last thing before we move on. I don’t want you to hug or kiss your ex at all. You are still technically in no contact and I don’t want him to think he even has a chance with you. In fact, I want him to feel what its like to be alone without you.

Why?

Because it’s going to make him realize that being without you is not a very good feeling.

What To Do If HE Wants His Things Back

If your ex boyfriend calls you up one day and asks you if he can have his things back during the no contact rule this kind of paints you in a corner where you are going to have to break the no contact rule to give him his things back.

Why does this paint you into a corner?

Well, with the situation above you had the privilege of choosing whether or not your things were important enough to take back. If you decided that they were important then you could contact your ex. In this case your ex has already contacted you which means he has deemed his things important enough to take back.

The protocol is pretty much the same as above.

Business is business and that business is giving him his things back.

When you see him in person be super bubbly and friendly but be kind of short. Don’t engage him about your relationship with him. Just make the meeting about HIS things. After he has left with his things you jump right back into the no contact rule.

How To Handle NC If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

(Learn what to do if you live with an ex during the no contact rule with the no contact rule book.)

working

The no contact rule pretty much hinges on the fact that you are supposed to completely freeze out your ex for a certain amount of time. Of course, this “freeze out” can be quite challenging to do if you see your ex on a daily basis due to the fact that you work together.

When I first wrote about the no contact rule I didn’t really think that much about the many different situations that you could encounter if you were to do something like this. To me the concept of the no contact rule seemed pretty simple. You pick a certain time frame that you should do the NC in and you do it (meaning you freeze out your ex.)

Of course, it wasn’t until I started getting comments that I started to realize that for many people the no contact rule can be quite challenging.

In fact, one of the first comments I got pointing out a problem with NC was like this,

Hi Chris,

I really want to do the no contact rule but I might have a bit of an issue. My ex and I met through work and we still work together. Will it be possible for me to try the no contact rule since we still work together?

This situation made me think of other people in similar situations.

I mean, what if you are going to school and you have a bunch of classes with your ex so you are forced to see him?

What about if you attend a certain event for work  and your ex shows up. What are you supposed to do then?

Well, here is the smartest solution I can think of.

What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

The first thing I would like to talk about here is what you should look like.

I think I can speak for all men when I say that we are very visual creatures. Yes, a woman needs to have a lot more than looks to captivate a man but don’t fall into the trap of thinking that how you look doesn’t matter. I know a lot of experts would have you believe that all you need is an amazing personality to make a man yours but if I am being 100% honest with you I am not quite sure I believe that.

Take one of my good male friends for example.

He once told me that he would never date someone who he thought was unattractive. In other words, he is basically saying that even if he met a girl with the best personality in history he still wouldn’t date her if he found her unattractive.

As a general rule of thumb I would just say that you should assume that any man you meet is the most shallow person ever.

So, what does any of this have to do with approaching the NC at work?

Well, you are going to be seeing your ex on a daily basis if you work with him so you really have two choices on how to approach the situation.

  1. You can look like the breakup is breaking you.
  2. You can look like the breakup is making you.

Now, just using your common sense what do you think most men are going to find more attractive?

A woman who looks like a million bucks after the breakup.

Wear your make up.

Wear your nicest clothes.

Wear your a push up bra if you have to.

If you feel you could lose a few pounds then get your butt to the gym and lose those pounds.

I want your ex to be unbelievably attracted to you every single time he sees you in person. I want him to want you in the dirtiest ways.

Why?

Because if you can get him to think of you like that AND you are using the NC rule on him he is going to want you even more and that puts the ball in your court.

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How To Handle The Actual NC Part Of Working With An Ex

working hard

The no contact rule strictly states that you can in no way have any contact with your ex boyfriend during the time period you have implemented the rule. Of course, this is kind of thrown out the window if you work with your ex since you will be forced to either see or interact with him on a daily basis.

In this case I would like you to follow these special no contact “amendments.”

Amendment 1 – In the case where you are forced to interact with your ex on work

Work is business, right?

I mean, you and your ex were employed to do a job and that job was to help your company make money.

Well, in the case where you are forced to interact with your ex for work I want you to keep things strictly business. In other words, the only type of interaction you should have with him should be about work. If he decides to deviate and talk about your relationship you should simply feed him the line I taught you in the section above,

“I am not comfortable talking about that right now.”

Amendment 2- If He Talks To You About General Topics

Lets say that you do an amazing job of keeping things strictly about your work but unfortunately your ex starts engaging you on more general topics.

Maybe he asks you something like,

“Did you see that episode of Game of Thrones last night?”

or

“What did you do last weekend?”

If he asks you general stuff like that I don’t want you to panic.

Here are your marching orders.

I want you to be super nice and bubbly but also a little short with him. Try not to engage him in a long conversation. Be nice with your answers to his questions but also don’t make your answers very long. There is brilliance in brevity.

What To Do During NC If You Have A Child With Your Ex

(Make sure you read my book, The No Contact Rule Book.)

children everywhere

This is another one of those topics that I really didn’t think much about when I wrote about the no contact rule initially.

Of course, the ladies visiting this site were quick to point out the issue with this and no contact. Before you read on I want to make you aware that I have written multiple guides specifically covering what you should be doing to get your ex boyfriend back if you do have a child with him here and here.

Ok, now that we have the pleasantries out of the way lets take a look at how you should approach the no contact rule if you have a child with your boyfriend.

The Rules Of NC Still Apply For The Most Part

Lets say that you have a child with your ex boyfriend and you have decided to use NC on him. You make it about 3 days in and then all of a sudden your ex calls you up. You stay strict on your no contact credo and don’t give in to his calls. Of course, he does leave a voicemail on your phone and curiosity gets to you so you decide to listen to it.

“Hey, I just wanted to know if I could see Chad (your child together) tomorrow?”

Now all of a sudden you are having this debate in your head on whether or not you should break no contact so you can tell your ex when he can see his son next. I mean, he still does have a right to see his son since he has been a very good father to him.

So, what do you do?

Is it ok to break no contact in this case?

The Child Factor

Listen up because this is important.

The only time you can break the no contact rule in the case where you have a child with your ex is if you have to communicate with your ex about that child.

Whether it’s who can pick him up at school…

When your ex can see that child…

Something going on in that child’s life that has to be talked about…

Much like how when you work with your ex you have to keep things strictly about work. Well, when you have a child with your ex you have to keep things strictly about that child. In other words, if your ex tries to talk to you about anything else other than that child your job is simple, DO NOT ENGAGE HIM.

The only thing I want you talking about with your ex during this no contact period is your child together because that child without a doubt is more important than you wanting your ex back (that’s my personal opinion.)

Of course, a lot of the couples with children end up living together. So, how do you approach the no contact rule then?

How To Approach NC If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend?

living together

Going through a break up when you live with your boyfriend has to be one of the most disheartening feelings ever.

I mean, one moment everything in your relationship is going great and the next you feel like an outsider in your own home.

So, the question on the table right now is how are you supposed to approach no contact if you find yourself in a position where you have to live with your boyfriend? Surely you and him are going to have to communicate at some point, right? I mean, is it even possible do implement the NC rule if you live with your boyfriend?

Technically…

Yes it is.

However, your circumstance prevents you from following the NC rules perfectly.

Lets take a moment and talk about some of the changes you are going to have to make if you live with your ex boyfriend.

Sleeping Arrangements

It is pretty normal for a couple that lives together to sleep together in the same bed.

Well, I don’t think this is going to come as a shock but if you break up with your ex or he breaks up with you then you can’t be sleeping in the same bed as him. That means that you or him are going to have to figure out a new sleeping arrangement.

Now, if he is a gentlemen he would probably opt to sleep on the couch without starting any type of fight over who is going to sleep where.

Of course, most men out there aren’t gentlemen and will opt to get into a massive argument on who will sleep where rather than just taking the hit and sleeping on the couch themselves. If you feel your ex boyfriend is like this don’t even engage in an argument with him.

YOU sleep on the couch yourself.

Is it uncomfortable?

It is…

However, it’ll help you avoid an argument and will make strides in showing him you are an independent woman and show him that you don’t need to sleep in the same bed with him.

Do Not Get Over Emotional

Going through a break up can cause you to experience some of the worst feelings ever.

Going through a break up where you live with the person brings a whole new level of pain.

You are going to be tempted to feel sorry for yourself, sulk throughout the house, sit in a corner and cry or even cry so hard that you can’t even function. In fact, a part of you may hope that your ex feels so sorry for yourself that he rushes over to your side and tries to make you feel better. Heck, maybe he will feel so sorry that he will ask to get back together with you.

Would you like me to explain why acting like this is so dumb?

Your ex boyfriend is probably expecting you to act like this. He is probably expecting you to sulk around the house, sit in a corner, cry and do everything in your power to try to get his attention.

That is his expectation.

If instead you walked around like the breakup wasn’t bothering you. If you acted bubbly and happy and in a good mood it is going to mess with him.

You see, he had an expectation that you would be devastated but when your behavior doesn’t match up as someone who is devastated he is going to all of a sudden think to himself,

“Wow, maybe I didn’t mean as much to her as I thought.”

Now, we all know that a mans mind is a little warped. So, somehow having a man think that he didn’t mean as much to you as he thought he did is going to make you more attractive in his eyes because deep down he wants to be the most important person in your life.

I know… we are messed up huh?

How To Handle Interactions

When you live with someone then that means that you are most likely going to have to talk to them at one point.

This causes a bit of a problem with the no contact rule which strictly forbids contact with your ex in anyway shape or form.

While you can still abide by the rules of not responding or sending texts, phone calls, facebooks or skypes to your ex the face to face contact bit may be a little hard to get around since you will probably see this person a lot until you get a new living situation figured out.

So, the question on the table is how do you approach a situation where you are forced to interact with your ex boyfriend face to face.

As a general rule I have always said that it is best to act like a respectful roommate would act.

In other words, don’t be rude or mean to your ex just give him very casual answers to the questions he asks.

For example, if your ex were to ask you if you took the trash out in person you would respond to him like this,

“I did yesterday.”

Here’s the thing though, you don’t want him to sense that you are angry or upset with him at all. You want to respond to all of his questions in a very upbeat manner without going into a lot of detail. Of course, you do live with this person so your relationship is bound to pop up at one point.

If he does bring up your relationship you simply feed him our favorite line,

“I am not ready to talk about that right now.”

If he throws a hissy fit because you won’t engage him on this topic you simply remove yourself from the situation.

To Recap

  • Be very respectful
  • Keep the interactions you are forced to break NC for very pleasant but also short.
  • Do not talk about your relationship with him.
  • You still can’t text or respond to texts, phone calls or any other social media.

Lets move on to another common question I get here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

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Can You Wish Your Ex A Happy Birthday/Happy Holiday During NC?

(Need help getting your ex boyfriend back? Check out The No Contact Rule Book.)

happy birthday meme

EVERY DAY!

I literally get this question in comments and emails every single day.

“Chris, is it ok if I break NC to wish my ex a happy birthday?”

Oh, and I get this one every year,

“Chris, as you know tomorrow is Christmas. Is it ok if I text my ex that I hope he has a merry Christmas tomorrow? Even if it is during NC?”

So, I guess what most of you ladies are wondering is if it is ok for you to break a no contact rule (that you have already committed to completing) just to wish your ex a happy birthday.

Hmm… how can I get this through your head so that you understand once in for all if you can break NC just to wish your ex a happy birthday or whatever holiday is coming up.

NO…. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CAN YOU BREAK THE NO CONTACT RULE TO WISH YOUR EX A HAPPY BIRTHDAY OR A HAPPY HOLIDAY.

Got it?

Good!

Why You Can’t Break NC In This Case

There is one main reason why I think it’s dumb to wish your ex boyfriend a happy birthday or holiday during NC.

It’s actually pretty simple.

Do you realize how many people are probably wishing him a happy birthday on his birthday. I had like 100 people wish me a happy birthday on my Facebook last year. Half of these people I didn’t even know or have never even talked to before. To me, someone wishing me a happy isn’t that big of a deal.

Does it feel nice, sure.

Does someone wishing me a happy birthday dictate whether I am going to take an ex back?

No way.

So, why would your ex be any different?

In other words, wishing your ex boyfriend a happy birthday isn’t really going to help you in what you really want to have happen, him taking you back.

In fact, not wishing a happy birthday may actually make him sit there and go,

“Wait, why didn’t she wish me a happy birthday? Did she forget or something?”

When everyone zigs you had better zag.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

832 responses to “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Tee says:

    hey there I’m on day 23 of no contact.
    my ex and I dated for about 2 months it was awesome cos he was so sweet and treated me like a princess he introduced me to all his friends and family. But at one point I noticed he started pulling away and after a while he broke up with me and told me he wasn’t feeling that way anymore. I then found out there was another girl in the picture
    He told me he had feelings for her I got hurt and cried in front of him after that I started the no contact rule. But then I broke it twice cos he was always upset that I was ignoring him. I realized replying him always got me nowhere so I started to take the no contact rule seriously during this period I started working on my self. I changed my look focused on adding weight cos I’m quite slim, cleaned my teeth changed my perfume and body wash and updated my instagram I noticed he kept liking all my posts on instagram but I never liked any of his back he would post pictures that I took of him on our first dates probably trying to get my attention. This is my problem now, his birthday came up during the NC all though during this period he didn’t bother to contact me till a day to his birthday of course I didn’t pick then he sent me a text inviting me to his party I didn’t reply, on his birthday he sent me an angry text saying “U didn’t even have the decency to wish me a happy birthday” I know he was upset some minuets later he sent another text saying “But I made sure you were happy on yours”,
    I told u he treated me like a princess he made my birthday very special. I feel really bad that I didn’t reply or say happy birthday or even attend the party even when his brother kept calling me to come for it. I really didn’t want to end up in an awkward situation especially if the girl was there I never followed up on her but she keeps liking my posts on IG, plus I wasn’t ready to give up on my no contact I’m on day 23 and all this happened yesterday I feel like when I’m ready to initiate contact he might ignore me the way I ignored him or say something offensive to me. please what do I do I’m really scared cos I really still do love him.

  2. Marie says:

    My boyfriend and I broke up two days ago. It was a very confusing conversation because he brought up getting back together later down the road.
    We are in the same small house church. (Only about 8-10 people in the group, and all of the others are couples) And when he broke up with me on Wednesday, we agreed it would be okay to stay in house church together. But after he left that night, I had a change of mind and realized I need to create space. We have not spoken since he left my house after breaking up with me.

    I am still on the house church group chat with him and everyone else though.
    How should I move forward with this? Is it ok to respond to other people on the group chat, but not him? Or should I be silent on there as well? Would you also suggest that I should not be attending our house church for the time being, as long as he is there?

  3. EP says:

    Hey!
    3 months after the breakup I initiated the no contact period. Its the 6th day today. 2 days ago I received really bad news about a familymember of mine. Im all alone right now because my whole family is abroad And Its been really hard for me. My ex heard about this from our mutual friend and is really sorties about me. He sent me a text saying that he knows I dont want to be in contact with him And that he’s sorry for sending me this message but that he heard from my situation. He really wants me to tell him how Im doing And If there’s anything he can do to help me or If there’s any way for him to be there for me.

    My question: would responding to his text by saying ‘Im Okay And that I appreciate his offer’ break the No contact rule? will I have to start the nc over again If I would respond in this situation? It feels so mean not to respond.

    I hope you can help or advise me!

  4. Susiev says:

    I moved to another state and bf has always wanted to move there. We have been on & off for over 20 years and in tbis time he married and divorced. His ex wife lives in Iowa and takes care of her elderly parents. She came to his town to see all of her family and he went campung with her & her kids for 10 days then lied about where he was. Her adult kids do not like him for some of the derogatory things he has said about her & members of the family. When he got back he called and said he would like to drive out and see me for 4 days ( I live 600 miles away) I told him I am not playing second fiddle to his ex wife and he said he would not come out if we were going to argue about her. I started feeling needy and he told me to stop badgering him about moving west with me. I told him I didnt want to argue about her any more than changed my phone number and have not been in contact with him for 10 days. I found out he was going to take his RV to Iowa where she lives and stay for a month. She asked him for 1 more chance but she will never leave Iowa because she cares for her elderly parents. He hates Iowa esp. the weather and is a workaholic and will be trapped in a small town taking care of her parents. Is it hopeless even with the NC?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Susie,

      Yep, he’s married and looks like has no plans of divorcing her and he’s using you as rebound when they have fights..

    • SUSIEV says:

      He is divorced but she keeps pulling him back. She gained over 150 lbs and now that she has lost the weight she thinks their relationship will work…even though he has no desire to live in Iowa and take care of her parents.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      he’s an adult.. if he really doesn’t want to, he can refuse..

  5. Susie says:

    I moved to another state and bf has always wanted to move there. We have been on & off for over 20 years and in tbis time he married and divorced. His ex wife lives in Iowa and takes care of her elderly parents. She came to his town to see all of her family and he went campung with her & her kids for 10 days then lied about where he was. Her adult kids do not like him for some of the derogatory things he has said about her & members of the family. When he got back he called and said he would like to drive out and see me for 4 days ( I live 600 miles away) I told him I am not playing second fiddle to his ex wife and he said he would not come out if we were going to argue about her. I started feeling needy and he told me to stop badgering him about moving west with me. I told him I didnt want to argue about her any more than changed my phone number and have not been in contact with him for 10 days. I found out he was going to take his RV to Iowa where she lives and stay for a month. She asked him for 1 more chance but she will never leave Iowa because she cares for her elderly parents. He hates Iowa esp. the weather and is a workaholic and will be trapped in a small town taking care of her parents. Is it hopeless even with the NC?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Susie,

      Yep, he’s married and looks like has no plans of divorcing her and he’s using you as rebound when they have fights..

  6. Remoabetswe says:

    What if things he comments on something you posted on social media?

  7. Yanna says:

    Need someone to help me or to enlighten me. I don’t know what to do.

    This is not the first time we decided to end our relationship we’ve been 8yrs. But this is the first time he said this things to me….. that made me decided to distant myself till I learned NC rule. I sent multiple messages expressing my bad emotions, disappointments.whenever I feel not okay he is the one who taught me that to express everything to.him than to keep quite…. Till I received a message from him.He said, he is hoping I can find better than him, someone I really deserve. Someone who is not insensitive and can commit. Someone who can makes me happy. He added he is afraid and cannot make a promise he can’t hurt me. He said he can’t blame me if I cannot trust him.No more words to say since I don’t trust him. If we are destined then may the right time unite as again…and more messages……..I am speechless after I read it….was a mixed emotion.asking myself maybe I put a lot of pressure on him.and at the same time. I feel sad for myself too. So I decided not to reply. I started NC. This.is not to win him back but I feel the pain and feeling no words can express how I feel. I feel confused. I cried and cried…..till on the 2nd day He texted me. Asking if we could meet to talk… I am still not okay and I don’t want to see him so I ignored the message. He keeps calling several time but I decided not to answer it because I feel lost. I don’t know if I still want to fix the relationship or not. All I know something is wrong. I am really hurt..For him and for.myself. . I decided to change my #. So that he don’t need to keep ringing my phone. I jus really don’t know what to say..I want to take a pause. On the 3rd day afternoon, he sent me an email. He said he is worried, asking if I wouldn’t mind if we meet and talk.he said he wants to see me even for a short period of time..or maybe for a last time. He said he realized many things and he is very sad realizing he hurts me a lot. He feel sorry he said. Hope we could talk. If there’s one regret that he can never forget on his life is the day he’s not taking care of me and hurting me.He said he thought I will always understand him to the point he has no clue that I might taken for granted…… I don’t know what to say….. and I feel very sad for both of us that’s why I decided not to reply right away. I took 3days after when I realized I have to reply and make him feel I’m ok not just to make him realize I’m fine but also to make him feel I’m not his obligation. So I replied and said I’m sorry for the late reply. I also shared how busy I was and I think I cannot meet him because i have a tight schedule at my work and on the weekend I’ll be out of town…yup I agree It was really an excuses but I love to make him feel I have life he has nothing to get worry about me anymore. .. it was mixed emotion……then he replied after couple of minutes he is asking if I am still working on the same schedule at the same workplace…… so I don’t know what to reply again because I’m asking myself what’s next after he confirmed Yah I’m still working same time same place..then what….. does it make any sense…… I am full of hesitation and questions…till after 2days I decided to reply. What i realized. I should not overanalyze. Just answer his question then that’s it. So I replied 3 letter word ,”yes” then I received a quick reply from him ” 9pm I will be there tomorrow ,” that’s tonight…

    Now I don’t know what to do….I did not reply.

    I don’t know what to do because I am afraid to hurt him and to hurt myself again.

    I don’t know if I’ want to fix it or no more.

    I don’t know what to say maybe I’m full of fears, pain,doubts and love.

    Idk. Need someone to enlighten me.
    I learned what I’m doing is NC rule somehow. AND I realize maybe i just need time..we just need time..idk..

    Need help..I am confused and feeling lost.

  8. Yanna says:

    Need someone to help me or to enlighten me. I don’t know what to do.

    This is not the first time we decided to end our relationship we’ve been 8yrs. But this is the first time he said this things to me….. that made me decided to distant myself till I learned NC rule. I sent multiple messages expressing my bad emotions, disappointments.whenever I feel not okay he is the one who taught me that to express everything to.him than to keep quite…. Till I received a message from him.He said, he is hoping I can find better than him, someone I really deserve. Someone who is not insensitive and can commit. Someone who can makes me happy. He added he is afraid and cannot make a promise he can’t hurt me. He said he can’t blame me if I cannot trust him.No more words to say since I don’t trust him. If we are destined then may the right time unite as again…and more messages……..I am speechless after I read it….was a mixed emotion.asking myself maybe I put a lot of pressure on him.and at the same time. I feel sad for myself too. So I decided not to reply. I started NC. This.is not to win him back but I feel the pain and feeling no words can express how I feel. I feel confused. I cried and cried…..till on the 2nd day He texted me. Asking if we could meet to talk… I am still not okay and I don’t want to see him so I ignored the message. He keeps calling several time but I decided not to answer it because I feel lost. I don’t know if I still want to fix the relationship or not. All I know something is wrong. I am really hurt..For him and for.myself. . I decided to change my #. So that he don’t need to keep ringing my phone. I jus really don’t know what to say..I want to take a pause. On the 3rd day afternoon, he sent me an email. He said he is worried, asking if I wouldn’t mind if we meet and talk.he said he wants to see me even for a short period of time..or maybe for a last time. He said he realized many things and he is very sad realizing he hurts me a lot. He feel sorry he said. Hope we could talk. If there’s one regret that he can never forget on his life is the day he’s not taking care of me and hurting me.He said he thought I will always understand him to the point he has no clue that I might taken for granted…… I don’t know what to say….. and I feel very sad for both of us that’s why I decided not to reply right away. I took 3days after when I realized I have to reply and make him feel I’m ok not just to make him realize I’m fine but also to make him feel I’m not his obligation. So I replied and said I’m sorry for the late reply. I also shared how busy I was and I think I cannot meet him because i have a tight schedule at my work and on the weekend I’ll be out of town…yup I agree It was really an excuses but I love to make him feel I have life he has nothing to get worry about me anymore. .. it was mixed emotion……then he replied after couple of minutes he is asking if I am still working on the same schedule at the same workplace…… so I don’t know what to reply again because I’m asking myself what’s next after he confirmed Yah I’m still working same time same place..then what….. does it make any sense…… I am full of hesitation and questions…till after 2days I decided to reply. What i realized. I should not overanalyze. Just answer his question then that’s it. So I replied 3 letter word ,”yes” then I received a quick reply from him ” 9pm I will be there tomorrow ,” that’s tonight…

    Now I don’t know what to do….I did not reply.

    I don’t know what to do because I am afraid to hurt him and to hurt myself again.

    I don’t know if I’ want to fix it or no more.

    I don’t know what to say maybe I’m full of fears, pain,doubts and love.

    Idk. Need someone to enlighten me.
    I learned what I’m doing is NC rule somehow. AND I realize maybe i just need time..we just need time..idk..

    Need help..

  9. shreya says:

    i am in the 2nd week of no contact, he texted me in 1st 2 days, that he wanted to talk but than i didnt rply, from than he didnt text yet, and yup he broke up with me cz he said he has feelings for some new girl so in no contact obvio he must be talking to his new girl, is no contact will help in this case ? and one more thing i should block him everywhere too or just dont talk to him?
    hope you will rply
    thanks

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Shreya,

      Stay in nc.. and no need to block him.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting.

  10. Cathy says:

    Hi!

    So, do you tell him that you’re going NC?

    And more importantly, do I delete him from Facebook and messenger? I think it’s a bit extreme but friends suggest I do, because he seems to play games, was rather manipulative, and may have moved on. Plus, he doesn’t handle rejection well. Not sure what to do- deleting off Facebook is permanent… thoughts? I’m on day 3 of NC but we’ve been broken up for 3 months…xx

  11. Lucy says:

    Hey! Was going for the 21 day NC because we never officially ended things just a lot of stress factors led to needing some space. Family, work, life etc. So it’s been two weeks full NC despite some social media attempts to lure me into talking ,We work together and have kept that professional but now he wants to talk. Do I break?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If you meant about the relationship..just let him talk.. Listen and nod.. If he wants to get back together, good.. If he’s just apologizing, just accept.if he wants to be friends tell him it’s not workable for now

  12. Nicole says:

    Hi Amore, UPDATE:

    I sent the phone charger through my friend she said the look on his face was priceless. She was still texting me his reaction and he was already calling me. I didn´t answer, Later on in the day when I got off work, I called back and HE didn´t answer… anyways I didn´t insist , left it at that and 4 days later , yesterday he calls me. Exactly on the 30th day of no contact. I answered. At first he was saying that it was not necessary to send the phone charger through someone else and that I could have given it to him myself. I kept calm, and told him it was easier that way because I have been busy… he then made small talk. Asking how I was, saying he had gone out with some friends and asking about my family, and excusing himself for not answering my call back on thursday because he could not answer at the time… my big question is… what should I do now? Should I go into no contact again since he has no other excuse to call me… should I start trying to build rapport? Help me

  13. Nina says:

    I have been doing the nc thing & my x boyfriend reached out saying good morning, early in the morning, how have you been trying to start conversation my response was very short, later that evening, “hey, I’ve been gud pretty much” & I’m not sure why he reached out I really need to know how to handle this situation. What is he thinking to contact me during nc, It’s been 2weeks since the break up & he contacted me 10 days in what do I do.

  14. Amber says:

    What if he wants to fix things before the NC ends?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If he literally says he wants to fet back with you, you can break nc.. If he just says he misses you.. Dont break nc..

  15. Iris says:

    I have been in no contact for 2 weeks with my ex. We have a son together. He sees his son twice a month. I only reply when it has to do with our son. Anyways, since I’ve been ignoring him, he txted me last night telling me was sorry for hurting my son and I. He told me that he hoped our son had a happy fourth. What do I reply to that? Thanks!

  16. Nicole says:

    Hi! I have now been in no contact for 25 days. Last night super late at 1 am my ex texted me asking if I had his phone charger (he had two and left one at my house to use as needed). I don´t feel like he needs it really and has a really old phone.. but anyways my question is … is it normal to get a text like this or is he maybe starting to miss me and doesn´t know how to go about it? Anyways, I stayed strong and didn´t text him back. My best friend is his co worker, so I believe what I am going to do is not answer the text and give her his EXTRA phone charger to give to him. Is this a good way to go about it?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Nicole,

      Yeah, he might be starting to miss you and yes, it’s ok to have someone else give it

  17. Alexis says:

    My ex has been texting me without me replying. He’s not mad or desperate, he seems to be staying calm (almost clueless?) so I can’t tell if he’s actually affected by NC. Thing is, today (4th of July) he texted to wish me a happy Independence Day to “my favorite American” (he’s an immigrant). I see articles about not contacting your ex during NC to wish them happy bday or happy holidays, but what if the ex contacts me in these situations (my bday is coming up soon so I have a feeling I’ll need to have a plan for him contacting me then too).

    Thank you for all the advice you give! The EBR team is great 🙂

  18. Sonia says:

    Hi I have a question. I completed the 30 days successfully without reaching out. He reached , but with a call then a text wanting his personal belongings. Ignored his call and text. In text he said he wanted his iPhone and letters or if not he wanted my mom’s number. The thing is his mail ,would arrive at my mom’s. The next day he went to my mom’s to ask for his letters but of course there wasn’t any because he changed his address and he even told my mom he changed his address.. he’s a reaL dummy here. And if I can say the items he wants letters, it was something he didn’t need. His car insurance letters which he would always throw away because he payed the bill over the phone. The iPhone was old and broken and he had said many times he was gonna throw away . I had confiscated it a year and half ago after he told me I could hold on to it so I could trust him ect long story. But anyway I find it strange he’s reaching out for these things and actually went to my mom’s for this. To me it felt like he was just trying to see if my mom would tell him how I’m doing. What should I do? By the way this day he called was on June 22 the day I changed my phone plan to a separate one since last month him and I discussed over text I could change my plan this month and soon as I did metro sent me and him a text and within an HR or less he reached out..wierd huh? But I didn’t answer. I stayed zero contact. This was last weekend he reached out. What do I do? And what’s your opinion? I do want him back but I’m scared I’ll ruin my chances. Thanks, Sonia

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Sonia,

      How much did you improve and how active were you in posting?

  19. Caitlyn says:

    Hello,
    My ex boyfriend and I have been split since March 31, and we were together for almost two years but best friends for 11 years. Well his reasoning of breaking up with me was because of his combat ptsd, he said he needed to work on himself and not on a relationship, he wants to keep our friendship since I am his best friend… it makes no sense but I agreed because I was scared for him mentally. Anyways he said he was still in love with me but we can only ever be best friends, come to find out it is because he started seeing an old high school friend of ours and they are now living together. Well I have started the NC so many time and he always contacts me and pushes for the friendship. I can not just be friends with him, I want him back, he won’t let me go and he flirts still. So my real question is what is a good excuse to start the no contact rule again or is it too late for him to miss me?
    I am just at am impasse right now; I want to let him go, I also want to hold on and be his friend since he always comes back to me. I sound pathetic… but he is my person. Kind of toxic, but combat ptsd or any kind of ptsd is a hell of a thing.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Looks like it’s not ptsd.. Maybe he does have it, but he just used it as an excuse to you.. Just start nc.. You’re not his gf, nor his mother..so, dont worry much about his excuse..unless you want to stay friendzoned

  20. Alex says:

    Hello,

    I tried writing a comment yesterday, but I still don’t see it posted so I am writing again. I feel like I am in a bit of a predicament today. For some background, my ex of over 4 years broke up with me about 3 and a half months ago. He said he knew we were both unhappy and incompatible. I know my own insecurities help to cause him to lose attraction towards me and felt he broke up with me to hang out with someone else he did connect with while I was struggling with my own issues, pushing him away at the same time. We lived together for about a month after the initial split (during which he were hanging out and were intimate towards the end of the month) and had been in contact a good amount since. I noticed for myself that I started to engage in clingy behaviors such as texting more than he was and started to really feel him pull away, so I decided to try No Contact as an effort to work towards not only getting him back, but bettering myself by finally taking care of my own shit and myself both mentally and physically. I have recently implemented the No Contact about 6 days ago (but have been actively not speaking with him for 11 days).

    Anyhow, I am wondering if it would be OK to break No Contact to wish my ex a Happy Father’s Day. I know hands down that being a father has always been something that has been very important to him, he has struggled with his own insecurities of being a good father due to the fact his daughter (9 years old) lives in another state majority of the year with her mother and step father (whom her mother has her call him ‘dad’ instead of my ex, which has been an issue for my ex). I have always supported and encouraged my ex in his fatherly abilities and efforts to build a stronger relationship with his daughter and be as present as he can in her life and I would be present and there for him in turn. During the course of our 4+ year relationship, I have grown soooo incredible close to my ex’s daughter as well and still love her as my own despite not having been in contact with her either, which has made the break up all the more difficult. I have seen his struggles with trying to be the best father he can despite the difficulties he may have with his daughter’s mother. I admire him so much for all he has ever done for his daughter and how he has stepped up his efforts. I know he questions his abilities and can feel he isn’t good enough despite how hard he tries. I used to make Father’s Day special for my ex since he doesn’t have his daughter present and doesn’t always get to speak to his daughter due to circumstances outside of his control. I know that today is Father’s Day and I’m not sure if you received my post at all previously, but I really would like to know if it would be meaningful to break No Contact to send him a thoughtful happy father’s day wish knowing being a father is a very important part of his identity and has his own insecurities around it. I know not every one will be showering him with happy father’s day wishes like a birthday, so would it be helpful to wish him one, especially knowing how much being a father means to him and I know he IS an amazing father? If you could let me know that would be great, I wouldn’t mind sending him a belated one either if I get a response later than today. Please help and thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      I hope you didn’t greet him, if you greeted him, you need to restart the count

    • Alex says:

      Thanks for getting back, I actually didn’t send him a greeting/wish yesterday for Father’s Day, but got advice from another expert that Chris has advertised and recognized in his emails and videos, who thought it would be a good idea for me to send a quick greeting. I reached out on this site too since I know you all are busy getting back to those of us with all our questions, however, with that said, I signed up for his coaching too and he knows more of my situation and am a little confused now… it’s hard when I’m getting different advice from recognized experts.. I guess my fault for asking more than one person? Do you think I really need to restart no contact?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      That’s ok.. since you didn’t, you don’t have yo restart the count

  21. Mindy says:

    What about Father’s Day? We have no kids together, he has kids from previous relationships.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Nope too.. a birthday is more personal but ît’s not a reason to break nc too

  22. Alex says:

    I am finding myself in bit of a predicament. For some background, my ex has a daughter, who lives majority of the year with her mother out of state. I have grown incredibly attached to his daughter over the course of our 4+ year relationship which has made the break up all the more difficult because I have been out of contact with her as well. Ever since being with him, I have encouraged and supported him with his parenting and making a stronger connection with his daughter. I praised and appreciated his efforts with her both as a father and the man he is, being a good father is something that is very important to him and he can be very insecure about his efforts and position he plays in his daughter’s life (she has a step father whom her mother has been having her call ‘dad’ instead of my ex) which has been difficult for him especially being at a distance.

    This brings me to my concern, father’s day is coming up, and I’ve always made an effort to make this a special day for him since he highly values being a father and has his insecurities with himself about it.

    My question is, should I break my no contact (which I have been actively successful with only the past 5 days, but we haven’t spoken in 10 days) to wish him a thoughtful happy Father’s Day?

    I would absolutely love your input and if you could get back to me as soon as you have the time and get the chance, that would be absolutely amazing! Thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      I hope you didn’t greet him, if you greeted him, you need to restart the count

  23. Kinzie says:

    I accidentally butt dialed my ex during NC. He texted me asking what’s up. Do I respond? Do I need to start over NC?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      if you didn’t respond or just said you butt dialed his number, you dont have to restart

  24. Diane says:

    Should I reply to my ex, wishing me a happy birthday during No contact?

  25. Amy says:

    What if he wants to meet up a week after he broke up and says he loves me and wants to spend a day with me? Reason being because he might lose his job and if he does it might be the last chance to see him if he moves to another city? I have ignored his messages but wonder am I meant to respond, cause I don’t want to piss him off. I know I am NOT ready to see him. How do I communicate that or do I? HELP

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If you’re in nc..dont respond..just let him..if he really loves, why did he break up with you

  26. Anna says:

    Hey…I had a relathionship of 8 months with this guy..he was deeply in love with me .And we had a really bad breakup,he asked me to move out of the house and after that for a month we talked and he says that I need to repair things and yestarday he talked kinda bad with me and i got pissed off and stop answering and he says well I don’t wanna be with you,never and blocked me on fb.What should I do?Please help

  27. Rea says:

    What if HE greets me on my birthday? Should I respond or should I just completely ignore it?

  28. Sarah says:

    Hi there,

    So my ex and I had a great start to our relationship. It was happy and loving. We shared a lot of the same interests, were in the same major, and spent a ton of time together. I would describe our relationship as intense- with as much love and happiness, there was also a lot of fighting. Over little insecurities mostly, never any dishonesty luckily. I broke up with him twice in those four or five months.
    In the six months we were together, I visited his family twice, and he flew up to see mine during our Christmas break. He’s two years younger than me, and ultimately the immaturity that brought got under my skin. So I decided to end it about a week after we got back to school from break. And from there it went horribly downhill. There was a lot of anger and pain from him. And it was hard for me too, since we are were in the same major and saw each other daily. There were a lot of arguments still, because although we were broken up, we couldn’t help but spend time together. And that ended up being horrible for each of us. We had some expectations of each other that were similar to when we were dating, however each of us failed to reach those because we, “weren’t dating and didn’t have to anymore.” He started lying to me about things, and I caught him a few times with prying I know I shouldn’t have been doing. But obviously that cycle continued because I had caught him once before and didn’t want to be played with. Eventually, by the end of the semester his grades had slipped so much that he failed out of our major. I was crushed that it had come to this because I wanted us to take the summer apart and hopefully come back to the whole things with freshness and open hearts to have a mature discussion.
    While I was sobbing and apologizing and feeling hopeless about the whole thing, he seemed numb and unaffected. We agreed to give each other the summer to clear our heads and see where things were once the dust had settled. We said we’d keep out of contact for some time- the big NC that we had been needing. The day after we made that decision he texted me saying it was hard not hearing from me- I didn’t reply. The day after that he sent me a snapchat- which I opened but did not reply to. On the third day he sent me a message on snapchat- asking if I was just not going to respond anymore. I simply said that I’d told him before I wanted space to heal. After he opened that message- he blocked me and unfriended me from Facebook. I’m not sure if he’s blocked my number because I haven’t texted him.
    He had plans to study abroad this summer. And on occasion I see pictures people post with him in them. And he looks like he’s having a great time- with lots of distractions. While I’m over here still trying to recover and just now not crying every day or at every thought of him.
    It hurts to see those pictures though because I’m scared he’s forgetting about me. Or that the pain he’s supposed to feel will never happen because he’s across the world. I miss him terribly but set a date in my calendar to when I will reach out to him if he doesn’t first. I’m scared he never will because he’s stubborn and because he’s on this trip.
    Is there anything else I should be doing? Will we have another chance to make things right or is the NC rule not going to work this late in the game?
    I have a lot of things I have learned from this whole experience. And know that I have grown and could reapproach it someday and be a better partner to him. But I’m really worried that he won’t want the same.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      how long is your nc now? how much are you improving and how active are you in posting?

    • Sarah says:

      We have been in NC for 10 days. But probably 6 of those, I’ve been blocked anyway.
      I don’t post much on social media at all. Occasionally I put on a snap story or tag friends in things.
      I’m kind of improving but I miss him a lot. I don’t want it to be over for good. I’m just worried he is being stubborn but that it’ll help him get over me completely since he’s traveling across the world. It bothers me that I can’t reach out to him to talk when I have healed a little bit because he’s blocked me.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      restart the count and post on sites where the posts lasts, whether you’re blocked or not..check this one:
      Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

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