Every single day I get hundreds of comments, emails and Facebook messages on my Facebook Page asking me all kinds of questions about the no contact rule. Now, when I first started this site I didn’t mind answering the same questions over and over again because for me it was mind blowing that so many people wanted advice from me.

Of course, time is a great equalizer and pretty soon answering the same questions over and over again began to wear on me.

For example, I am guaranteed to answer the following three questions pretty much every single day.

” My ex boyfriend has a birthday coming up should I break the no contact rule to wish him a happy birthday?”

” I work with my ex so how am I supposed to do the no contact rule?”

What do I do if my ex boyfriend doesn’t contact me during the NC period? Should I just stay in NC until he contacts me?”

One of the most annoying things for me when I write about relationships is that no two relationships are ever alike. Each one is unique in it’s own way. Now, this can be an incredible thing for the two people experiencing the relationship but for me, someone who is trying to help others by looking for trends, it can be quite annoying as there are so many situations that I have to cover.

The no contact is not immune to this principle as evidenced by the many different situations that can accompany it.

In fact, I often find myself wishing there was some sort of cheat sheet I could point people to so that all their NC questions could be answered in a snap. Unfortunately, no such cheat sheet exists…

UNTIL NOW!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

What Is The Point Of This Page?

whats the point

I have high ambitions for this page.

Here is my big vision.

Imagine that you are about to embark on the incredibly hard task of implementing a period of no contact on your ex boyfriend. You understand the basic principle of no contact but midway through your no contact a situation arises and you don’t know how to handle it.

The Situation- Your ex boyfriend wants his things back from your house.

All of a sudden you are panicking because you have no idea what to do? Are you supposed to break the no contact? Are you supposed to stick with it and be rude?

That is where this guide comes in. It is my goal to put down every possible situation I can think of that you could possibly encounter during the no contact period on this page so it can serve as a “cheat sheet” or a “go to” guide that you can reference for an easy answer.

Of course, for me it’s not enough just to give you the answer. I want to explain to you why “the answer” is important so not only are you going to have all of your no contact questions answered but you are going to understand why they are answered the way they are answered.

Here are the situations I will be covering,

  • What to do if you or your ex boyfriend want to get your things back.
  • How to handle NC if you work with your ex.
  • How to approach the no contact rule if you have a child with your ex boyfriend.
  • What about if you live together?
  • Can you break NC to wish your boyfriend a happy birthday?

Now, before we start dissecting these items one by one I feel it is important to mention that I want this particular guide to be completely comprehensive. So, if you can think of any other situations (that can occur during the no contact period) then make me aware of them in the comments section and I will update this page to answer them.

Yes, I really will!

I want you ladies to be involved in this process so we can create the ultimate cheat sheet for people who have questions about no contact.

A Brief Introduction

introduction

In this section I am going to assume that you have no knowledge what-so-ever on what the no contact rule is. So, since you don’t know what the no contact rule is I am going to give you a quick crash course.

The No Contact Rule- A period of time (which you select) in which you completely ignore your ex in every way imaginable. That means no texting, calling, Facetiming, Skyping or emailing.

Probably what you want to hear is how the no contact rule can help you if you decide to use it.

I have always found that examples are best for explaining stuff like this. So, lets use an example!

Lets say that your boyfriend broke up with you because you were a little too clingy during your relationship. Obviously after the break up you are very heartbroken and you take to the internet to find a way to get your ex back. Luckily you end up on my website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, and learn about the no contact rule.

Now, if you did a good job reading my site you would know that I am a fan of the 30 day no contact rule for most cases (21 days in some cases.) So, you decide that you are going to implement a month long no contact period where you completely ignore your ex by essentially freezing him out of your life.

Lets hit the pause button for a second and look at things from your exes perspective now.

Your boyfriend broke up with you because you were too clingy. After the breakup it will probably be normal for him to feel a sense of freedom since he doesn’t feel so “weighed down” by you anymore. Of course, you did have a lot of amazing qualities outside of the clinginess and as time goes on your ex boyfriend begins to think back to those qualities.

Now, since you were clingy he is probably expecting you to contact him first after the break up. Of course, that doesn’t happen since you are abiding by a strict 30 day NC rule. By day 10 of this no contact period your ex begins to get a little antsy and decides to break the ice first with a simple little text message.

He waits and waits and waits and no response to his text message.

This has been the first time that you have ever ignored him and all of a sudden he begins to see your value.

By ignoring him you are proving to him that you know your own value and that you don’t need him to be happy.

One of the best insights I can give you about men is the fact that we all want to feel needed or wanted. We all want to believe that we are like a god in your eyes. So, by ignoring your ex boyfriend in this case you are essentially telling him that you don’t need him to survive. You don’t need him for anything and this fact is going to drive him nuts.

Remember, men want what they can’t have and the no contact rule is a strong statement that they can’t have you.

FYI, it really works.

Now that you have a better idea of what the no contact rule is lets take a look at how to handle it during some of the most complicated situations.

What To Do If You Or Your Boyfriend Wants To Get Your Things Back During NC

(Learn how to get your boyfriend back with The No Contact Rule Book.)

tooks it

When you are with someone for a long time it is normal for the two of you to swap items here and there.

For example, lets say that your boyfriend has an apartment and you still live at home with your parents (no judgement here.) Lets also say that you dated your boyfriend for well over a year. Well, sometime throughout that year I am assuming that you stayed over his place for the night or left some of your things there.

Well, most likely a time is going to come when you are going to want your things back.

(Side Note: There also may be cases where he leaves things with you and wants to get them back.)

The question on the table right now is how do you approach this situation if you are in the middle of a no contact rule.

Do you ignore him if he wants his things back?

Do you not say anything if you want your things back from him?

Funny thing is that I get this question pretty much every single day on the site. So, exchanging items after a break up is a very common situation you could find yourself in if you are in the middle of the no contact rule.

Here’s what you do.

How To Handle This Situation

the truth

In my mind there are really two different approaches on how to handle this and it all depends on what situation you find yourself in.

What do I mean by that?

Well, is it him asking for his things back or is it you that wants your things back from him?

Lets start with the easiest situation, you wanting your things back from him.

What To Do If YOU Want Your Things Back

The first thing you need to determine is how badly you want your things back.

Are the items that you want back very important to you or can you live without them?

In a perfect world you would have left items with him that you wouldn’t have really cared about. A toothbrush or hairbrush would be a perfect example of this. If you have left items like this with your ex don’t worry about breaking the no contact rule to get them since they aren’t really that important.

Remember, a perfect no contact is one where you don’t have to break your silence for anything.

Of course, exceptions sometimes have to be made.

Lets say that the items you left with your ex mean a lot to you and you absolutely need them back. Well, in this case I think we can make an exception and break the no contact rule so you can get them back.

Here’s the thing though, when you do break the no contact rule to talk to your ex about getting your things don’t get sucked into a conversation with him about anything other than getting your things back. If he tries to talk to you about your relationship with him don’t engage him with it at all.

This is strictly business and the business in question is getting your things back. That is all you talk to him about.

Lets talk a little about how you should approach seeing him in person when you do go to get your things. A lot of women who want their exes back turn to jelly when they see their man. Under no circumstances can you turn to jelly. Just like the initial discussion over getting your things back this is strictly business and that business is just to get your things back.

Now, this doesn’t mean you should be rude to your ex boyfriend. In fact, you should do exactly the opposite, be extremely nice and bubbly.

Don’t let him know that anything is wrong with you or that you are even hurt about the breakup.

Now, your ex may try to bring up your old relationship in person. If he does this simply say the following to him,

“I am not comfortable talking about that right now.”

Remember, your goal is to just get your things and get out as soon as you can. Don’t linger or talk to your ex about anything else. If you ex does try to talk to you about normal stuff like the weather don’t be mean to him. You can engage him but just be really short with him.

What do I mean by that?

Your Ex: “We have been having some nice weather lately haven’t we?”

You: ” We sure have…”

One last thing before we move on. I don’t want you to hug or kiss your ex at all. You are still technically in no contact and I don’t want him to think he even has a chance with you. In fact, I want him to feel what its like to be alone without you.

Why?

Because it’s going to make him realize that being without you is not a very good feeling.

What To Do If HE Wants His Things Back

If your ex boyfriend calls you up one day and asks you if he can have his things back during the no contact rule this kind of paints you in a corner where you are going to have to break the no contact rule to give him his things back.

Why does this paint you into a corner?

Well, with the situation above you had the privilege of choosing whether or not your things were important enough to take back. If you decided that they were important then you could contact your ex. In this case your ex has already contacted you which means he has deemed his things important enough to take back.

The protocol is pretty much the same as above.

Business is business and that business is giving him his things back.

When you see him in person be super bubbly and friendly but be kind of short. Don’t engage him about your relationship with him. Just make the meeting about HIS things. After he has left with his things you jump right back into the no contact rule.

How To Handle NC If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

(Learn what to do if you live with an ex during the no contact rule with the No Contact Rule Book.)

working

The no contact rule pretty much hinges on the fact that you are supposed to completely freeze out your ex for a certain amount of time. Of course, this “freeze out” can be quite challenging to do if you see your ex on a daily basis due to the fact that you work together.

When I first wrote about the no contact rule I didn’t really think that much about the many different situations that you could encounter if you were to do something like this. To me the concept of the no contact rule seemed pretty simple. You pick a certain time frame that you should do the NC in and you do it (meaning you freeze out your ex.)

Of course, it wasn’t until I started getting comments that I started to realize that for many people the no contact rule can be quite challenging.

In fact, one of the first comments I got pointing out a problem with NC was like this,

Hi Chris,

I really want to do the no contact rule but I might have a bit of an issue. My ex and I met through work and we still work together. Will it be possible for me to try the no contact rule since we still work together?

This situation made me think of other people in similar situations.

I mean, what if you are going to school and you have a bunch of classes with your ex so you are forced to see him?

What about if you attend a certain event for work  and your ex shows up. What are you supposed to do then?

Well, here is the smartest solution I can think of.

What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

The first thing I would like to talk about here is what you should look like.

I think I can speak for all men when I say that we are very visual creatures. Yes, a woman needs to have a lot more than looks to captivate a man but don’t fall into the trap of thinking that how you look doesn’t matter. I know a lot of experts would have you believe that all you need is an amazing personality to make a man yours but if I am being 100% honest with you I am not quite sure I believe that.

Take one of my good male friends for example.

He once told me that he would never date someone who he thought was unattractive. In other words, he is basically saying that even if he met a girl with the best personality in history he still wouldn’t date her if he found her unattractive.

As a general rule of thumb I would just say that you should assume that any man you meet is the most shallow person ever.

So, what does any of this have to do with approaching the NC at work?

Well, you are going to be seeing your ex on a daily basis if you work with him so you really have two choices on how to approach the situation.

  1. You can look like the breakup is breaking you.
  2. You can look like the breakup is making you.

Now, just using your common sense what do you think most men are going to find more attractive?

A woman who looks like a million bucks after the breakup.

Wear your make up.

Wear your nicest clothes.

Wear your a push up bra if you have to.

If you feel you could lose a few pounds then get your butt to the gym and lose those pounds.

I want your ex to be unbelievably attracted to you every single time he sees you in person. I want him to want you in the dirtiest ways.

Why?

Because if you can get him to think of you like that AND you are using the NC rule on him he is going to want you even more and that puts the ball in your court.

How To Handle The Actual NC Part Of Working With An Ex

working hard

The no contact rule strictly states that you can in no way have any contact with your ex boyfriend during the time period you have implemented the rule. Of course, this is kind of thrown out the window if you work with your ex since you will be forced to either see or interact with him on a daily basis.

In this case I would like you to follow these special no contact “amendments.”

Amendment 1 – In the case where you are forced to interact with your ex on work

Work is business, right?

I mean, you and your ex were employed to do a job and that job was to help your company make money.

Well, in the case where you are forced to interact with your ex for work I want you to keep things strictly business. In other words, the only type of interaction you should have with him should be about work. If he decides to deviate and talk about your relationship you should simply feed him the line I taught you in the section above,

“I am not comfortable talking about that right now.”

Amendment 2- If He Talks To You About General Topics

Lets say that you do an amazing job of keeping things strictly about your work but unfortunately your ex starts engaging you on more general topics.

Maybe he asks you something like,

“Did you see that episode of Game of Thrones last night?”

or

“What did you do last weekend?”

If he asks you general stuff like that I don’t want you to panic.

Here are your marching orders.

I want you to be super nice and bubbly but also a little short with him. Try not to engage him in a long conversation. Be nice with your answers to his questions but also don’t make your answers very long. There is brilliance in brevity.

What To Do During NC If You Have A Child With Your Ex

(Make sure you read my book, The No Contact Rule Book.)

children everywhere

This is another one of those topics that I really didn’t think much about when I wrote about the no contact rule initially.

Of course, the ladies visiting this site were quick to point out the issue with this and no contact. Before you read on I want to make you aware that I have written multiple guides specifically covering what you should be doing to get your ex boyfriend back if you do have a child with him here and here.

Ok, now that we have the pleasantries out of the way lets take a look at how you should approach the no contact rule if you have a child with your boyfriend.

The Rules Of NC Still Apply For The Most Part

Lets say that you have a child with your ex boyfriend and you have decided to use NC on him. You make it about 3 days in and then all of a sudden your ex calls you up. You stay strict on your no contact credo and don’t give in to his calls. Of course, he does leave a voicemail on your phone and curiosity gets to you so you decide to listen to it.

“Hey, I just wanted to know if I could see Chad (your child together) tomorrow?”

Now all of a sudden you are having this debate in your head on whether or not you should break no contact so you can tell your ex when he can see his son next. I mean, he still does have a right to see his son since he has been a very good father to him.

So, what do you do?

Is it ok to break no contact in this case?

The Child Factor

Listen up because this is important.

The only time you can break the no contact rule in the case where you have a child with your ex is if you have to communicate with your ex about that child.

Whether it’s who can pick him up at school…

When your ex can see that child…

Something going on in that child’s life that has to be talked about…

Much like how when you work with your ex you have to keep things strictly about work. Well, when you have a child with your ex you have to keep things strictly about that child. In other words, if your ex tries to talk to you about anything else other than that child your job is simple, DO NOT ENGAGE HIM.

The only thing I want you talking about with your ex during this no contact period is your child together because that child without a doubt is more important than you wanting your ex back (that’s my personal opinion.)

Of course, a lot of the couples with children end up living together. So, how do you approach the no contact rule then?

How To Approach NC If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend?

living together

Going through a break up when you live with your boyfriend has to be one of the most disheartening feelings ever.

I mean, one moment everything in your relationship is going great and the next you feel like an outsider in your own home.

So, the question on the table right now is how are you supposed to approach no contact if you find yourself in a position where you have to live with your boyfriend? Surely you and him are going to have to communicate at some point, right? I mean, is it even possible do implement the NC rule if you live with your boyfriend?

Technically…

Yes it is.

However, your circumstance prevents you from following the NC rules perfectly.

Lets take a moment and talk about some of the changes you are going to have to make if you live with your ex boyfriend.

Sleeping Arrangements

It is pretty normal for a couple that lives together to sleep together in the same bed.

Well, I don’t think this is going to come as a shock but if you break up with your ex or he breaks up with you then you can’t be sleeping in the same bed as him. That means that you or him are going to have to figure out a new sleeping arrangement.

Now, if he is a gentlemen he would probably opt to sleep on the couch without starting any type of fight over who is going to sleep where.

Of course, most men out there aren’t gentlemen and will opt to get into a massive argument on who will sleep where rather than just taking the hit and sleeping on the couch themselves. If you feel your ex boyfriend is like this don’t even engage in an argument with him.

YOU sleep on the couch yourself.

Is it uncomfortable?

It is…

However, it’ll help you avoid an argument and will make strides in showing him you are an independent woman and show him that you don’t need to sleep in the same bed with him.

Do Not Get Over Emotional

Going through a break up can cause you to experience some of the worst feelings ever.

Going through a break up where you live with the person brings a whole new level of pain.

You are going to be tempted to feel sorry for yourself, sulk throughout the house, sit in a corner and cry or even cry so hard that you can’t even function. In fact, a part of you may hope that your ex feels so sorry for yourself that he rushes over to your side and tries to make you feel better. Heck, maybe he will feel so sorry that he will ask to get back together with you.

Would you like me to explain why acting like this is so dumb?

Your ex boyfriend is probably expecting you to act like this. He is probably expecting you to sulk around the house, sit in a corner, cry and do everything in your power to try to get his attention.

That is his expectation.

If instead you walked around like the breakup wasn’t bothering you. If you acted bubbly and happy and in a good mood it is going to mess with him.

You see, he had an expectation that you would be devastated but when your behavior doesn’t match up as someone who is devastated he is going to all of a sudden think to himself,

“Wow, maybe I didn’t mean as much to her as I thought.”

Now, we all know that a mans mind is a little warped. So, somehow having a man think that he didn’t mean as much to you as he thought he did is going to make you more attractive in his eyes because deep down he wants to be the most important person in your life.

I know… we are messed up huh?

How To Handle Interactions

When you live with someone then that means that you are most likely going to have to talk to them at one point.

This causes a bit of a problem with the no contact rule which strictly forbids contact with your ex in anyway shape or form.

While you can still abide by the rules of not responding or sending texts, phone calls, facebooks or skypes to your ex the face to face contact bit may be a little hard to get around since you will probably see this person a lot until you get a new living situation figured out.

So, the question on the table is how do you approach a situation where you are forced to interact with your ex boyfriend face to face.

As a general rule I have always said that it is best to act like a respectful roommate would act.

In other words, don’t be rude or mean to your ex just give him very casual answers to the questions he asks.

For example, if your ex were to ask you if you took the trash out in person you would respond to him like this,

“I did yesterday.”

Here’s the thing though, you don’t want him to sense that you are angry or upset with him at all. You want to respond to all of his questions in a very upbeat manner without going into a lot of detail. Of course, you do live with this person so your relationship is bound to pop up at one point.

If he does bring up your relationship you simply feed him our favorite line,

“I am not ready to talk about that right now.”

If he throws a hissy fit because you won’t engage him on this topic you simply remove yourself from the situation.

To Recap

  • Be very respectful
  • Keep the interactions you are forced to break NC for very pleasant but also short.
  • Do not talk about your relationship with him.
  • You still can’t text or respond to texts, phone calls or any other social media.

Lets move on to another common question I get here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Can You Wish Your Ex A Happy Birthday/Happy Holiday During NC?

(Need help getting your ex boyfriend back? Check out The No Contact Rule Book.)

happy birthday meme

EVERY DAY!

I literally get this question in comments and emails every single day.

“Chris, is it ok if I break NC to wish my ex a happy birthday?”

Oh, and I get this one every year,

“Chris, as you know tomorrow is Christmas. Is it ok if I text my ex that I hope he has a merry Christmas tomorrow? Even if it is during NC?”

So, I guess what most of you ladies are wondering is if it is ok for you to break a no contact rule (that you have already committed to completing) just to wish your ex a happy birthday.

Hmm… how can I get this through your head so that you understand once in for all if you can break NC just to wish your ex a happy birthday or whatever holiday is coming up.

NO…. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES CAN YOU BREAK THE NO CONTACT RULE TO WISH YOUR EX A HAPPY BIRTHDAY OR A HAPPY HOLIDAY.

Got it?

Good!

Why You Can’t Break NC In This Case

There is one main reason why I think it’s dumb to wish your ex boyfriend a happy birthday or holiday during NC.

It’s actually pretty simple.

Do you realize how many people are probably wishing him a happy birthday on his birthday. I had like 100 people wish me a happy birthday on my Facebook last year. Half of these people I didn’t even know or have never even talked to before. To me, someone wishing me a happy isn’t that big of a deal.

Does it feel nice, sure.

Does someone wishing me a happy birthday dictate whether I am going to take an ex back?

No way.

So, why would your ex be any different?

In other words, wishing your ex boyfriend a happy birthday isn’t really going to help you in what you really want to have happen, him taking you back.

In fact, not wishing a happy birthday may actually make him sit there and go,

“Wait, why didn’t she wish me a happy birthday? Did she forget or something?”

When everyone zigs you had better zag.

What to Read Next

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1,009 thoughts on “How To Handle Every Situation During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    Nicole

    February 28, 2021 at 9:27 pm

    I’m on day 5 of NC after my ex broke up with me. His reasoning was that he needed to work on himself and didn’t like how we both have been the past month. He said he wants to see how things are in 3-4 months but I told him that’s not my style. I didn’t beg and just immediately went to focusing on myself. During the break up he said he knows he won’t find someone better than me and I do actually agree with that. I’m a huge catch and I got away from that at the end by trying to cater to whatever he needed. I think he lost respect for me honestly. Anyway he now is the first to view my stories and I can feel him lurking in the background as he still follows me on all social media. I posted a pic today and within an hour or so he texted me saying he was going to drop my stuff off. He ended up dropping off a blanket and (half eaten) candy that I had at his place. I said thank you and left it at that. Any thoughts here? Is he done or was this an excuse to talk to me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 9, 2021 at 10:08 pm

      Hi Nicole I think the drop off was an attempt to see you – but it great how you handled it being in No Contact, you need to be sure that you are sticking with it to allow him to miss you.

  2. Avatar

    Zheendar

    February 28, 2021 at 5:23 am

    I have no contact in place but my ex boyfriend is my neighbour. When I leave my house I have no choice but to see him. How can I feel strong and continue with no contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2021 at 9:31 pm

      You need to follow the rules of NC and just hope to avoid him, but if you happen to pass each other, you say hello politely and keep walking.

  3. Avatar

    Marianne G Messina

    February 17, 2021 at 7:33 pm

    I met my boyfriend in September and we got along immediately sharing many deep feelings. Then coronavirus he was sick on all December I was sick all of January and we didn’t get to see each other. He was never a big texter so many times he would wait for me to text and if I didn’t he would say what was wrong why didnt I text him. We had a date for him to come over but he had fallen in a parking lot and had to go to the hospital. I didn’t text him the next day and he texted me asking what was wrong he said I felt I was distant and that he thought I was done. I said no and told him I missed him. And then I reason I’m texting him like I always would in the morning. I sent him a text and he never answered me and I got upset and I didn’t text him for 5 days and he didn’t text me either. I did reach out to him on the sixth days saying sorry I didn’t text him I had personal stuff was going on. He answered me. I text him the next day to say Happy Valentine’s Day and he answered thank you you too and then I text him asking if you wanted to come over and he never answered. So should I give him no contact? He never said anything about not seeing each other anymore. I don’t know if this is his way of waiting for me you’re ghosting me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 19, 2021 at 12:31 pm

      Hi Marianne, so I would suggest that you do a short NC 21 days as he seems disinterest in conversation but has not actually ended things with you, give him a chance to chase you a little be less available to him. Check out this article to help you understand more about ghosting – https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-to-do-if-your-ex-boyfriend-ghosted-you/

  4. Avatar

    Maria

    January 15, 2021 at 1:44 pm

    Thanks, I love your web site❤️
    But what do I do if he shows up at my house to talk when I’m returning home? Should I just walk past him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 15, 2021 at 5:24 pm

      If he is turning up at your place, hopefully it is to get you back and then you can talk things through. If he is there and not wanting to reconcile just tell him you will be in touch soon and to please leave as right now you do not want to speak with him. Go inside and let him leave.

  5. Avatar

    Angie

    January 12, 2021 at 7:45 am

    Doing no contact after a massive emotional spiral. Got a trainer joined the gym. However he uses the same gym at the same time. I cnt alter my training sessions cuz that’s how I am scheduled. Small town so only have one big reputable gym. I am going to work on myslf and my image. But I see him there everyday. I smile and wave as hi and he does the same. He stares when I work out with the trainer. But it’s getting hard because of the awkwardness. I wish I if change the gym but I can’t cuz it’s paid for already. Prior to no contact I had stablizied from emotional spiral. N told him that I respect his space and would prefer he be the 1st 1 to talk. But I feel like saying that might have been what made things awkward. I try my best to concentrate on my work outs and I do but the awkwardness makes me feel weirs. I don’t Wana reach out, or go to him and initiate a convo. I don’t Wana do that. But how do I deal with this situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 27, 2021 at 10:13 pm

      Hi Angie, so you need to keep going as you are and make sure that you are focusing on you. In this program we suggest that you do send the first text and reach out first. There are articles to help you understand the types of texts to send for the first time, Chris also has YouTube videos to help you understand too.

  6. Avatar

    Lisa

    December 30, 2020 at 8:09 pm

    What if he texts me and simply said “my mom is Covid-19 positive” after I have been ignoring all other messages (it was a messy break-up and I left him). I want him back just he has to fix a lot of drama he has.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 30, 2020 at 8:15 pm

      I would suggest you reply along the lines of “Hope she recovers soon, send her my love” and nothing else

  7. Avatar

    Maya

    December 16, 2020 at 8:06 pm

    Hi! These articles have helped me but also made me realise some unwanted, but necessary truths. The guy I’ve been dating for 6 months needed a break due to personal reasons, and I said okay. I realized after a few days that we hadn’t set any ‘rules’ to the break, so a week later I texted him and asked if it was over or we were still exclusive and would talk in after a month or what? He left me on read. So I foolishly sent two messages two weeks later and asked him to kindly answer the question and if he didn’t, I would take it as we were now ending our relationship, but I still wanted to see him some day in the future if we were both single. That was 6 weeks ago and I don’t know what to do. Will he ever write me back? At least acknowledge that we’re over?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 30, 2020 at 7:11 pm

      Hi Maya, so you need to stop reaching out and follow the no contact rule where you work on yourself and accept that a break is the same as a break up essentially as they feel they need time away from you and the relationship. If you have spent 45 days in no contact then you can start reaching out with Chris’ texting style but make sure that you prepare yourself for all outcomes.

  8. Avatar

    Didsi

    December 2, 2020 at 10:31 am

    What if my ex wishes me happy holiday after about a month of no contact? How does one respond?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 2, 2020 at 5:02 pm

      If you are in No Contact, do not reply. If you have completed your NC then you should be reaching out to them using Chris’ advice and methods

  9. Avatar

    Sven

    November 19, 2020 at 8:26 pm

    My ex has a monthly subscription and didn’t update her new address in time for the most recent package? I don’t want to contact her and tell her that it’s here. I just don’t want to come off like I’m keeping it from her

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 20, 2020 at 5:15 pm

      Hi Sven if se wants it she can reach out to you asking for it, which you can reply to when is a suitable time for her to collect. No other conversation needed.

  10. Avatar

    ABENA ACQUAH

    July 14, 2020 at 9:21 am

    So i am in an off and on dating/friendship with this guy he is not ready to commit hence i lay it out that this cant continue and i move on with my life so I actiavte the N/C rule however just a week into the N/C rule this my friend calls me that he is sick what should i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 14, 2020 at 4:33 pm

      Hey Abena, you say he is sick. Is it life threatening? Or just unwell? If he is seriously ill then you could send a message wishing him better. If he has some illness that he will get over in a matter of days then stick with NC

  11. Avatar

    Jessica

    July 13, 2020 at 5:06 pm

    My boyfriend who I was living with and had been with for five years broke up with me a few days ago. I went to stay at my parents and have been doing nc and only texted with him once about piking up some of my stuff. The broblem is before we broke up my family and my boyfriend and I had booked a weekend at a beach house together. My boyfriend says he still has to go because it’s booked under his name and my family is going because it’s already been paid for. I really want to go too and would feel bad about missing it just because of him and letting him “win”. But it would only be 18 days into the no contant. Is it better to not break the no contact rule and cancel going with everyone or do you think I can go and break the nc even tough I want him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 5, 2020 at 10:42 pm

      Hi Jessica, I think if you went you would need to make sure that you avoid spending time with him as much as possible, by going off and doing your own thing with your family etc. Does he even know that your family still plan on going? You will need to make sure that you work on yourself in this time, read about the holy trinity and being ungettable

  12. Avatar

    Tina

    June 17, 2020 at 9:58 am

    Hi I wrote a very important comment earlier today and got locked out of my email. If possible to please send any email notifications to the new one below that would be appreciated. Thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 17, 2020 at 10:18 am

      Hi Tina I have already replied to your previous comment

  13. Avatar

    Tina

    June 17, 2020 at 8:31 am

    Hi. I have been seeing someone above me at work for the past year. Recently, I was let go by them and lost my job. We continued to see each other, but were apart for over a month in lockdown, and then reunited. When we reunited, he was incredibly mean and cold with me for no apparent reason. He’d then look visibly guilty for being unkind and we would have sex which seemed to alleviate things for that day. I have believe he’s started seeing someone else. We were meant to discuss what was going on with our relationship when I got sick and had to quarantine. During quarantine, I received a message that he left town and we’d have to meet when he got back. I never responded as I was very sick. I was thinking he would either write again to see how I was feeling or to let me know when he returned, but never heard from him again. I initiated NC after I received his message even though we haven’t formally broken up. I’m on day 12 of NC (the last text I sent) but he wrote that message 8 days ago. Should I continue NC even though we haven’t formally ended or is this damaging something that isn’t officially over? Is there anything else I should do? Trying to focus on healing and getting better. We weren’t able to have our talk where I assumed we would end things. Ideally if it is over I’d like for us to talk to end it properly – this is incredibly important to me. If it isn’t over, I hope we can fix whatever is broken. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 17, 2020 at 10:15 am

      Hi Tina, yes stick with your NC until the end and read some articles to prepare for your first reach out that Chris suggests.

  14. Avatar

    Lyndsie

    June 3, 2020 at 3:56 pm

    I was dating a guy for several months. Long story short, I was led on to believe things were going somewhere and he was going to make me his girlfriend. He unexpectedly broke things off with me to pursue another girl (I had no idea at the time). I backed away and he would periodically text from time to time just being casual because he wanted to stay friends. Once I found out he made the new girl his girlfriend, I backed off and went no contact and blocked him on social media to heal. I stayed in no contact for 7 weeks. When I finally felt like I was over him, I unblocked him on social media. Now I see that he has me blocked. Why did he block me when he already moved on with a new girlfriend?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 3, 2020 at 9:06 pm

      Hey Lyndsie, he could have blocked you – because you blocked him. Or the new girlfriend asked him to do so.

  15. Avatar

    Anon

    May 28, 2020 at 10:53 am

    Hi. I think my situation is slightly different because we lived together in his house for the last 3 years and were engaged. I had my own house but my mother moved in after my dad died. During covid lockdown I stayed with mum as my partner works with covid patients and I wanted to keep her company. My ex and I have been house hunting to get a bigger house and for mum to move in with us too, even before covid. For the first few weeks of living apart he was sending cards daily with lovely messages about how much he’s missing me. Then…. my mum passed away ( non covid related). Still in lockdown I moved to my aunts house with family and to be around people when my ex continued to work. He came to visit on every day off and still wanted to continue house hunting. I became insecure in my grief and kept telling him he was not supportive enough and showing him messages from other male friends and telling him he should be saying what they are saying. 5 days after mums funeral he ended our relationship over the phone. He said he’s not the right person for me and feels fed up of all the arguments we were having ( we’d been going through a tough patch before all of this as I was depressed but he constantly told me we would get through it all and he wanted to marry me). Now, I’m still at my aunts house as it’s too painful to move back to my house just yet because it’s where mum lived and it’s just too painful to be there at the moment. She passed on April 20th. My ex left on May 20th, just a week ago. All of my lifelong belongings are at his house including my 2 cats that I had before we met. We’ve been together for 8 years but he’s left 5 times. He always wants to come back but last time was 3 years ago, he had a fling with someone and I went into a rebound relationship. Within 6 months he was begging for me to come back. We went to counselling together…. all his idea and we really moved on together and he proposed. The relationship seemed far more solid this time. He doesn’t seem to be able to handle a crisis but I still love him and want him back. I’m in no contact on day 8. He’s sent messages 3 times, one saying the cats can stay there as long as needs be and he will continue to transfer money to me weekly until August as previously arranged as I’m off work. I didn’t reply and the next day he text to ask if I need any clean clothes dropped off and he hopes I stay safe and well. I didn’t reply. The next day he text to say he’s only offered to drop some clothes off incase I didn’t have any clean clothes with me. He then told me the cats are enjoying the sunshine and doing well. Again I didn’t reply. He then text my brother to say he’s sorry about the timing, was t sure if he’d ever see my brrothers kids again and that he sends his love to them. My brother didn’t reply. He’s not text now for a few days. He’s working 2 jobs as a nurse until one contract ends in 5 weeks. I’m hoping for some time to get used to the idea of being back in my own house soon but at the moment it’s painful without mum there. What do I do? Should I wait for him to ask me to come and get my stuff? It’s everything I own and would need a van and at least a whole day to move. I’d really appreciate some advice with this as it’s not covered in your scenarios. Thank you in advance. Xxx

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 16, 2020 at 7:59 am

      Hey there, I am so sorry for your loss! It can be really hard losing a parent.

      While things stand as they are, you are doing great in No Contact and sticking to it well. Asking / telling your ex you are coming for your things is not breaking no contact as long as that is the ONLY thing you speak about when you see him. I wouldn’t rush this if he isnt asking you to come and get your belongings, do it at a time that is best for you, then arrange with him.

  16. Avatar

    AG

    May 25, 2020 at 12:24 am

    Hi, I bought the course and completed it half way. I am on a 45 day no contact rule with an ex that I broke up with because he cheated on me and I forgave him then I found things on his phone. I tried to get him back 2 days after the break up and he said no he doesn’t think we will work together anymore and didn’t give me many chances to share my side of the story. So I am on day 17 of NC and he reached out twice checking how I am doing and I ignored and today he sent me a holiday greeting for a holiday we both celebrate. Should I respond to that one wishing him a happy holiday too or continue to ignore him? I am waiting till the end of the 45 days to decide if I want to go back or not but I definitely want to have the option of going back at the 45 day mark because I really like him and think that we could get passed the past. Let me know if I should continue to ignore him or reply.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 3, 2020 at 8:15 pm

      Hi AG no you are not supposed to reply to holiday messages or any messages of that sort.

  17. Avatar

    Alice

    May 10, 2020 at 12:25 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me over a very small argument that we had where I accidentally offended him last Friday. It’s the second time we break up and he did it over text again saying that the situation highlighted what is wrong with the relationship and that he “ could not anymore” Two days later he had to go to my house to talk to my mom about business and I talked to him outside and I told him that I would fix my errors And he told me there was no hope ( he is very prideful and i think that’s why he won’t forgive me) We were very happy in our relationship although it was four months and I feel as though maybe being together almost every day ( except when he was with his friends and family) during quarantine was too much for him. Do you think quarantine will maybe make him miss me and realize his mistake or want to come back? Do you think that there is hope for him to come back? Would the no contact rule work in this case?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 9:09 am

      Hi Alice, yes the no contact rule will work as long as you stick to it and work on yourself in that time. You said he needed to speak with your Mother in regards to business so if that happens again you be sure to not be around or speak with him after either. You must fight that urge as he is going to know that you are still wanting to get back together. I would suggest that you follow the 30 day NC as this is going to give you some time to start rebuilding your connection

  18. Avatar

    Ashley

    May 2, 2020 at 10:26 pm

    I have things to get back from my ex’s place, he reached out to me a few times to pick fights with me ..I ignored all of them until he blocked me and ended up speaking via email and a quick phone call to coordinate me getting my things. Since I am moving I will have some help and could possibly have one of my siblings go. Should I have someone else go? Would that be overly dramatic , I don’t want to seem weak

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 3, 2020 at 10:08 am

      Hi Ashley if you could get a male friend – even if its just a cousin he never met to help you that would be a power move. But no it is not weak to have someone help you collect your things

  19. Avatar

    Jenn

    April 13, 2020 at 5:31 am

    Hello,
    My boyfriend and I were together for 6 years. He was the father figure to my daughter since she was a month old. On March 20th I found out he had reconnected with his high school girlfriend whom has a lot of serious drug and alcohol problems. He left me for her and I’ve been miserable since. I’ve seen him a few times since. He brought us groceries and came to watch a movie at our house with my daughter. His current girlfriend has now forbid him from contact with us. The last time I spoke with him he told me he’s making the choice himself to stay away from us. He recently changed his profile picture on Facebook to a picture of them togther. Ive now deactivated my Facebook for a period so I’m not tempted to look him up and feel sad. Also, I have a playstation like him and he has been sending me game invites and requests to talk in a party. He said she doesn’t need to know and he wants to be friends. I changed all my statuses to appear offline today. I’m now at 24 hours of no contact and it was hard. Do you think no contact will truly work?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 14, 2020 at 11:21 pm

      Hi Jenn you need to do 45 days of NC so it is going to get easier, but I would not allow him to treat you as a secret. If you want him back then you need to complete 45 days NC and then reach out following the being there method.

  20. Avatar

    Nina

    April 9, 2020 at 9:35 am

    Thanks for the article! My boy friend and I broke up because he was trying for jobs globally. Thought it was best to end it to avoid heart breaks in the future. He was clear that he can’t put his dreams away which I respect. It was a very respectful and calm breakup. After two weeks he texted and I spoke to him. I asked if he changed his mind and I was very disappointed to hear a “no” and he just misses but still stick to the decision – our conversation ended up bad this time where he said we both have to work on ourselves too. Now I am no contact for a week and he texted & called me – I haven’t responded! I’m worried it will hurt his ego. I wanted to text and say-“ I am not ignoring you, However need some time to cool off” . Is that the right approach or just continue with no contact ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 9:54 pm

      Hi Nina, do not send a message telling him you are not ignoring him! You need to just let him sit in NC and wonder why you are ignoring him. You want him back then follow the rules of NC this includes that you do not explain that you are not talking to them for a reason

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