Will Text Messages Work To Get Your Ex Back?

The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)

It’s been a while since I’ve written about the no contact rule so I figured now was a good time for me to update you on my philosophy regarding it. You see, one of my greatest fears for this website is that it gets out of date.

I don’t want this to be one of those websites that is a flash in the pan. You know, the kind of website that has really good content for a few years and then all of a sudden just falls off the map. Nope, I want this website to always stay up to date and in tune with it’s audience.

As a result, I am always updating my philosophy on things.

You can see that I have done that here and here.

If there is one constant in this life it’s change and this website is no different. So, as my thoughts on things change. Ex Boyfriend Recovery will change as well to reflect them.

Why is this so important?

Well, I already explained that it keeps the website up to date but as time moves on and I formulate more and more game plans for women and I see more situations I become better and better at helping people get their exes back.

If you take my knowledge today and compare it to the knowledge I had when I first started this little website it’s like night and day.

Anyways, you are probably getting tired of me talking so lets dive right in to the new way of looking at the no contact rule.

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What Is The No Contact Rule?

what is it precious

Ah what a great question.

The no contact rule is without a doubt one of the most important strategies that you can employ to get your ex boyfriend back.

When you look at the big picture of the overall strategy of getting a boyfriend back you can generally divide the strategy into three separate parts.

  1. Before No Contact
  2. During No Contact
  3. After No Contact

Before No Contact

This is usually the time where you are desperate to get your ex boyfriend back and you make every mistake in the book. I am talking about mistakes like becoming a GNAT, having him perceive you a desperate and coming off as super needy.

It is also during this time that most women stumble upon Ex Boyfriend Recovery and actually learn about the no contact rule.

During No Contact

This is the period of time when you are actually implementing the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend.

To be honest there isn’t much more that I can say that can fill this section out.

If you are in NC then you are in the “During No Contact” time frame.

After No Contact

Yup, you guessed it!

Basically this is the period of time from when the no contact rule ends to when you get your ex boyfriend back (if you do end up getting him back)

So, what is the point of me even telling you all of this? Well, generally women who decide that they do want to get their ex boyfriends back AND use the no contact rule to do so will spend half of their strategy in the no contact rule and half of their strategy outside the no contact rule.

My point?

If the no contact rule is going to eat up half of your overall strategy to get your ex boyfriend back then it’s kind of a big deal and you should fully grasp it.

Wait…

Hahahahaha…

I just realized I haven’t even fully explained what the no contact rule.

The No Contact Rule Explained

let me sum up

This isn’t as complicated as people make it out to be.

When someone says the words “No Contact” what is the first thing that pops into your head?

No = Not Any (I actually looked in the dictionary for that definition 😉 .)

Contact = A meeting, communication or relationship with someone.

So, if “No” means not any and “Contact” means meeting, communication or relationships then combining the two would basically mean,

No Contact- Not any meetings, communication or relationships with someone.

Could that be accurate to what the no contact rule is?

Actually…

That is entirely accurate.

Basically the no contact rule is a period of time where you aren’t going to have any meetings, relationships or communications with a certain someone. Of course, that certain someone is going to be your ex boyfriend.

Now, can you pick out the key of the sentence above?

It’s when I said “a period of time.”

I want to make this as clear as possible because I get so many women who make this mistake.

The no contact rule isn’t meant to be forever or until your ex boyfriend comes crawling back. It’s only meant to be for a certain amount of time and that’s it. In other words, once that time frame is up your no contact rule ends immediately and you start to go on the offensive to get your boyfriend back.

What The Purpose Of The No Contact Rule Is (The Effect It Has On Men)

purpose

Lets talk about the purpose of the no contact rule.

Above I explained what the no contact rule is but I didn’t explain what it does.

Hmm…

Perhaps I need to explain this a little better.

Basically this section is all about the effect that the no contact has on men.

However, in order for me to properly explain this effect we are going to have to do a little role playing.

What’s this role play over?

Well, lets pretend that you are implementing the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend and things are going well. What I would like to do is explain why things are going well. In other words, I want to explain the effect no contact is having on your ex.

Get it now?

Ok, lets begin.

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What Happens To A Man When The No Contact Works

Before I dive in to this I think it’s my duty to explain what the no contact rule working actually looks like.

(Ready for the role play 😉 .)

Ok,  lets say that you decide that you want to do the no contact rule on your ex. After much thought you determine that you want to do the 30 day rule so that means for the next thirty days you are going to be ignoring your ex in every shape or form possible.

Around day 3 your ex boyfriend ends up texting you something like,

hey

Ok, while that little “hey” message he sends you is pretty generic it’s a positive start.

Of course, since you are in the no contact rule you cannot break your silence so you do the smart thing and continue ignoring him.

Your ex, being the persistent man he is decides to continue texting your throughout your no contact period until you finally end up with a message like this,

are you getting these

Another good sign.

It looks like your ex is starting to get annoyed that you are ignoring him. Heck, I wouldn’t be surprised if he reached out to you accusing you of ignoring him on purpose (which you totally are.)

Of course, as time goes on within the 30 day time frame he begins to soften up and eventually starts sending text messages like,

miss you

Hmm…

I think it’s safe to say that the no contact rule is having the effect on him that you were hoping.

In other words, IT’S WORKING!

But why?

What is happening inside the head of a man where the no contact rule is working?

Allow me to explain!

What Is Going On Inside The Mind Of A Man During A Successful No Contact Rule

going on

In order to understand what is going on inside the mind of a man during a successful no contact rule you need to understand a bit about the way humans are.

I want you to imagine two children playing at the park.

One child is playing with a toy in a sandbox while the other child is playing with a toy as well. The two children have been best friends for a very long time and are talking to each other. All of a sudden one child gets upset with the other one and decides to ignore the other child.

What do you think happens?

Well, the one child that is getting ignored probably is going to go crazy trying to get acknowledged.

Get it?

No?

Ok, how can I put this in an even better way.

Oh I got it!

What does a baby do when a mother starts to ignore it?

The baby starts to cry, right?

Why?

Probably because the baby is trying to get attention from the mother.

In fact, a famous experiment was done to illustrate this point.

It’s called the “still face” experiment. It basically consists of having a mother sit in front of a baby and start blankly at the baby with a still face.

What do you think happens?

Find out for yourself by watching the video below,

Pretty crazy, right?

Basically the baby went berserk trying to get the mothers attention when the mother went still.

In a weird way I think this is happening inside men when they are ignored via the no contact rule.

Women are always commenting that they don’t know why their ex boyfriend is reacting so crazily during the no contact rule. Well, this is actually why.

No one likes to be ignored.

(Even babies.)

But did you notice what happened with the baby when the mother went from being “still” to being loving again?

All of a sudden all was right in the world.

The baby stopped crying and starting smiling again.

I have found that this same effect happens after the no contact rule is lifted on an ex.

So, for those women who are worried that the no contact rule may be too harsh on their exes and that their exes will hold a grudge for the rest of their life I have two things to tell you.

  1. From what I have seen from women who use the no contact rule it is rare for a man to hold a grudge.
  2. Why would you want to be with a man who would hold a grudge over something so trivial?

Now, another thing you may be wondering is why some men react sweetly during the no contact rule and some men react in a negative way.

Again, I would like to point to the “still experiment” above.

Notice how when the mother first starts ignoring her baby the baby doesn’t cry or throw a tantrum.

The baby smiles…

It smiles because it assumes that the mother will mirror the smile.

It is only after half a minute of stillness that the baby starts to cry.

The same can be said about men who are nice during NC and mean who are a tad mean during it.

Some men determine that the best way to stop from being ignored by you is to be nice to you. To send you those sweet text messages saying “I miss you…” while others tend to get nasty

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My 3 Versions Of The No Contact Rule

three

Lets talk about time.

More specifically, how much time you are supposed to spend in the no contact rule. I know I have said this a lot throughout this site but I am going to say it again because it’s that important.

Experts seem to be completely split when it comes to how long the no contact rule should be for.

Some will swear by the 30 day rule while others swear by the 90 day rule.

So, what’s the right answer?

What’s the right amount of time?

Well, it depends…

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear but the truth is that your ex boyfriend is unique. He is unlike anyone else walking this earth and that means that the no contact rule will have to be shaped to him.

Before I used to be under the impression that the 30 day no contact rule was the way to go.

However, as I have gotten more and more experience my mind has changed a little bit. In my opinion, there are three optimum no contact times and which one you choose to use will depend entirely on your situation.

What are the time frames?

  1. 21 days
  2. 30 days
  3. 45 days

Notice how none of the time frames are crazy like 60 days or 90 days.

Why do you think that is?

Truth be told it’s all about habits.

How Habits Play A Role

Now I know what you are thinking.

What the heck do habits have to do with anything?

Perhaps I can put this in a way so that you will understand.

How long does it take to perform a habit?

Do you get it yet?

No?

Ok, how bout this one,

How long does it take to get rid of a habit?

Well, let me save you the trip to Google (in fact, if you look it up on Google you will get a wrong answer.)

Fun story.

I went to Google to research this and this is what I was greeted with,

Screen Shot 2015-08-24 at 12.40.34 PM

So, it takes 21 days to break a habit, right?

WRONG!

Upon further research that 21 days to make or break a habit thing is a myth. In actuality it really takes around 66 days to break a habit.

So, with this in mind we don’t want any no contact rule to be longer than 66 days.

Why?

Well, lets imagine that you were to do a 90 day no contact rule on your ex boyfriend. That’s three whole months without talking to him. Assuming that it took him 66 days to get out of the habit of talking to you that would mean that a 90 day rule would far exceed that 66 day habit rule.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that if your no contact rule is longer than 66 days then you run the risk of having an ex boyfriend be over you and if he completely is over you by that point then it makes getting him back that much harder.

You will notice that the three time frames that we are focused in on here are all below 60 days.

Well, now you know why.

We don’t want to run the risk of having your ex boyfriend get out of the habit of thinking about you.

But that still doesn’t help us determine which of the three rules is best for you, does it?

Well, allow me to dive in a bit deeper for you.

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The 21 Day Rule

For those of you seeing the 21 day rule and celebrating don’t get too excited yet. Generally speaking the sweet spot in no contact is right around the 30 day period. In other words, the vast majority of situations are going to fall under it.

However, lets say that you have a really good chance to get your ex back and you know in your heart that your situation is conducive to success.

(You can go here to find that out.)

Well, if that’s the case then I would say you can get away with the 21 day no contact rule.

BUT BEWARE…

For those of you women who are just trying to cut down on the time it takes to get an ex boyfriend back this isn’t going to help your chances.

Remember, the only ones who should be allowed to use this no contact rule are the women with really good chances of getting an ex boyfriend back.

The 30 Day Rule

This is the sweet spot for the no contact rule.

Pretty much every situation you can think of will fall into the 30 day time frame.

  • If he broke up with you…
  • If you broke up with him…
  • If you had a massive fight…
  • If you cheated…
  • If he cheated…
  • The list goes on and on.

Basically I want you to be doing the 30 day rule 90% of the time.

The rest of the 10%?

Well, lets just say that they are either going to be in the 21 day rule or the 45 day rule below.

The 45 Day Rule

This is the longest no contact rule that I am willing to recommend.

Anything longer than 45 days is too much.

Now, this begs the question.

In what instance should you use the 45 day rule?

Here is the interesting thing. I used to think that situations where you cheated on an ex or did something horrible like that would be ideal for the 45 day rule but as I have seen more and more women embark on the rule in those instances I have found that more time tends to be more negative.

So, that’s why I cut cheating down to the 30 day rule since it has more success there.

The 45 day rule should be used in only one circumstance.

The Circumstance- Where you have annoyed your boyfriend to the MAX. In other words, you have become a GNAT to him.

Basically, the more time that goes by without you re-exhibiting the behavior the better because he will stop looking at you as a GNAT and you will have a better chance of getting him back.

The Instances Where You Can Break The No Contact Rule

break time

Now that you have a pretty good idea of what the no contact rule is lets talk about some of the wrinkles about it that none of the experts really touch on out there.

Specifically the situations where you are allowed to break the no contact rule.

Now, I want to preface this section by saying that I am not going to go as in-depth here as you like.

Why?

Because I have already written an uber in-depth article about how to handle just about every situation during the no contact rule.

Nevertheless, I am going to add some new situations that I have covered in that article here.

So buckle up!

Lets get this party started.

Situation One: If He Asks You To Be His Girlfriend Again

I want to tell you a little story about a girl named Jane.

For the record Jane is totally made up but her made up story based on real life is going to help me prove a point.

So Jane is using the no contact rule on her ex boyfriend in an attempt to get him back.

Here is the thing about Jane.

When she reads advice on something she takes it very literally. When she read my advice about the no contact rule and how you can’t break it for anything she didn’t realize that, that wasn’t exactly true. So, when the no contact rule starts affecting her ex in a positive way so much so that he decides that he wants to ask her to be back together she completely ignores him.

In other words, when he sends her a text message like this during no contact,

get back together

She completely ignores it and continues on with no contact.

…..

IS SHE CRAZY???

One of the biggest reasons you do the no contact rule is so that you can get your ex boyfriend back so when that fantasy becomes a reality it’s ok to break no contact for that.

Situation Two: Exchanging Things

Lets say that you are using a 30 day no contact rule on your ex boyfriend and around day 4 or 5 he messages you and asks if he can get his things back from your place.

The inevitability of a couple exchanging things when together is very high so it makes sense that if things were exchanged he would want them back.

Are you allowed to break the no contact rule in this case?

Simply put, yes you are.

But what if your ex boyfriend has things of yours that you want back?

Should you break the no contact rule and ask for those things back?

Hmm…

It depends…

What does it depend on?

What things your ex boyfriend has of yours.

Let me give you two examples.

Example One

Lets pretend that you left your prized ring at your ex boyfriends house. This is the ring that your father gave you before he passed away so it holds a lot of sentimental value to you.

Example Two

Now lets say that you left a tooth bush at your ex boyfriends house. There isn’t anything special about this tooth brush it’s just a normal tooth brush that you could get at any grocery store.

So, here is my question to you.

Out of these two examples what is worth breaking the no contact rule over?

A prized ring given to you by your father who has passed away?

OR

A tooth brush…

The prized ring, right?

The more important the possession is to you the more you can break the no contact rule. However, if you have just left some clothes or toiletries over at your exes you shouldn’t bother breaking the no contact rule to get them.

You can totally live without them.

Besides, you will get them back when you get back with him 😉 .

Situation Three: If You Have Kids Together

It’s kind of hard to ignore your ex significant other when you have kids together.

I mean, it’s amazing how these two little versions of you and your ex can bring about conversations after a breakup.

But how does the no contact rule fit into this?

Can you even do the no contact rule?

The answer is yes but you are going to have to make some obvious adjustments for the kiddos.

How can I put this?

Hmm…

Ok, I know.

I want you to start the no contact rule with no adjustments at all. In other words, I want you to embark on the no contact rule the same way most everyone else would. HOWEVER, you will have to make one tiny little adjustment.

If your ex brings up the kids (or you are forced to bring them up) you can break the no contact rule for that.

But that’s it…

You can only break no contact for that one type of interaction.

In other words, if you get a text like this,

tj

You are absolutely allowed to break NC and respond to it but you want to keep the interaction ONLY about the kids.

So, if you get a text like this,

day

Then you aren’t allowed to break NC.

Do you see the difference now?

Good!

Let’s move on and talk about the true purpose of no contact.

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The True Purpose Of NC

true story

This is something that I haven’t talked a lot about here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery….

Well, actually that’s not true.

I HAVE talked about it quite a bit but I haven’t ever really put the pieces together for you all in one place.

That ends today obviously.

So, what is the true purpose of the no contact rule?

On instinct most women guess that it’s to get their exes back and while the no contact rule can certainly be used for that there is another purpose of the no contact rule that hardly ever gets talked about.

I want you to think about something for a moment.

This website is called Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

That’s a very telling name, isn’t it?

The truth is that when I first started this website I really only focused on helping women get back with their exes but as I gained more and more experience and credibility I learned something interesting. Sometimes the best way to get an ex back isn’t just to focus on getting him back but to focus your energies inward.

Hence, the “recovery” part of Ex Boyfriend Recovery really has two meanings.

Meaning One: Recovery means to recover your ex or to get him back.

Meaning Two: Recovery means to recover from the breakup. To truly be happy on the inside instead of depressed and sad.

Well, the no contact rule works in this way.

Yes, it is a strategy that is meant to get your ex back but think about the time frame of the no contact rule.

In many cases you are going to be waiting a full month before you can actively have a talk with your ex boyfriend.

You know what this means right?

It means that you have a month of preparation to turn yourself into the best version of yourself and by doing that you will be actively working to get over the pain of the breakup. Look, I am not going to presume to know your entire situation with your ex like the back of my hand but I will tell you one thing.

Winning a man back from a place of depression is a lot harder than trying to win him back from a place of happiness which is why I recommend self improvement during the no contact rule.

You (Version 2.0)

improvement

The best way to get over the pain you are feeling is to focus on the things that you have control over.

Do you have control over your ex boyfriend?

No?

Do you have control over yourself?

YES!

So, lets focus on that.

Right off the bat we know that we have 21 – 45 days before we have to talk to your ex so lets not just sit on our hands here during this time frame. Lets do something that will actively increase your chances of winning him back AND help you get over that sinking feeling in your gut that you are feeling right now.

So, what I want to do now is show you something that I have never shown anyone before.

I am going to call it…

The No Contact Role Play

The no contact role play is simple.

We are going to go through the no contact rule from start to finish and show you what you are supposed to do every step of the way using a fake character that I am about to create.

Are you ready?

Yes?

Ok then, I would like to introduce you to Virginia.

Virginia is a 24 year old girl who has just broken up with her boyfriend of a year. The boyfriend stated that he just didn’t feel love for her anymore and that she wasn’t giving him the attention that he thought he deserved.

(Side Note: Virginia is a FAKE character that I just made up to illustrate a point.)

So, the first thing that Virginia is going to want to do is to determine which no contact rule time frame is best for her.

What No Contact Time Frame Is Best For Virginia?

After much thought and deliberation Virginia has decided that she wants to embark on a 30 day no contact rule since she thinks that will give her ex enough time to miss her and give HER enough time to change her image completely.

What’s next?

Ah yes, the self improvement plan.

How Can Virginia Improve Herself During This 30 Day Period?

There are a lot of ways that Virgina can improve herself during the 30 day no contact period.

Specifically here are some of the things that she wants to do,

  • Get in the best shape of her life
  • Read a book
  • Learn some new things (salsa dancing, cooking class, learn another language)
  • Redo wardrobe
  • Educate herself about the world
  • Get out more by socializing with friends and family

The No Contact Calendar

What I am about to do now is something that I have never done here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery but I think it will be extremely helpful for you to see HOW the no contact rule will look from a birds eye view.

Above we established two things.

Thing One: Virginia is doing a 30 day rule

Thing Two: What Virginia is going to do during the 30 day rule.

But how are these things implemented?

What do they look like?

Like I said above, I am going to be answering those questions today but I am going to be doing so in a very unique way.

I am going to be using a calendar to demonstrate what a perfect no contact rule looks like.

To be honest I don’t think there is much more set up that I can use for this so I am just going to dive right in.

Take a look at the graphic below for me,

nc calendar

Now, I do know that a lot of you are using phones to read this article so hopefully you can see the calendar above because it’s kind of important.

Basically this is what a birds eye view of the no contact rule looks like.

You will notice that there are 30 days on this calendar and under each of the 30 days are little items ranging from workouts to learning a new language.

Sound familiar?

You remember how Virginia wanted to improve during the no contact rule, right?

Well, all the things she wanted to improve on are found here.

Cooking class…

Salsa dancing…

Getting in incredible shape…

Reading a book…

Learning a language…

Revamping her wardrobe…

Learning about the world…

Socializing…

All of it can be found on this calendar.

Oh, also take notice on how every single day during this 30 day no contact period is jam packed with stuff to do. The idea is to fill up your own personal calendar so much that you don’t even have time to text an ex. Heck, you don’t even have time to think about him.

Of course, then there is the fact that every action found on the calendar serves one purpose, to help you become the best version of yourself.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

954 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)”

  1. Prachi

    January 12, 2018 at 8:35 am

    So my boyfriend and I were together for 1.5 years and it was a rocky relationship. The great times were out of the world but during the worst ones we used to not talk for weeks. It was my jealous, controlling behavior that made us end up with no friends. I was that way because he used to lie and hide stuff. Not something great but a lie nevertheless. He used to always take all the efforts. All. So basically i used to try no contact a lot to make him stay how i wanted him to. Then after a point he snapped. He was depressed. He just wouldn’t want to talk to me and i just kept making it worse by not understanding that i was wrong. I kept making him jealous and just begging him to give me his love. He dropped out of college due to bad grades and blames that on me. That was the ultimate blow after which he didn’t talk to me at all for weeks. I gave him space and then went back. He was very angry and started abusing me. He thought i was enjoying my life whereas he was depressed. I had hacked his whatsapp and found out he is the most loyal person ever. Even though i had tried to support him, he was the one to push me away. All this went on till mid Oct 2017. After that we met with our common friends and he ended up kissing me. But he immediately pulled away saying it was wrong. I was done begging so instead i did what he used to do. I started making him feel better. Doing things for him selflessly for two months. Till dec 2017 i brought him various gifts, supported him unconditionally, let him dump his anger on me. He started taking me for granted. He friendzoned me. He had no friends. That’s when i started no contact and its going to be 30 days next week. He tried to check my profile in the third week. I know this because i have his fb account, he doesn’t know of. But after that he has started badmouthing me again.
    See the thing is i was always the one to go back after no contact. So this time I’m sure he’s hoping i would go back. We have one class together that happens twice a week. He looked bad in the third week when i met him. He ignored me. But now he has started to workout since two days. He’s getting attention from this girl as well. What’s going on? Suddenly after being lonely and missing me, he started recovering, how?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 14, 2018 at 9:19 pm

      Hi Prachi,

      It’s not healthy to go back to an abusive relationship. Check this one:
      Should You Get An Emotionally Abusive Ex Back?

  2. Ruth

    December 24, 2017 at 9:55 pm

    My ex reminds me several times that he is done being my bfand that he can be nothing more than just friends and that is his final decision. It has been 7 months since the break up. He has reached out to me at most 2 weeks since breakup, sometime 2-3x a week. I havent done no contact. Would it still be effective in getting my ex back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 26, 2017 at 10:09 pm

      Hi Ruth,

      It’s not a guarantee but you can still try it

  3. Hanna

    December 22, 2017 at 2:39 pm

    Hey Amor

    I announced No contact three days ago to focus on myself. I really mean it as I see it as a chance. We split up now for 2 months already bit with good contact in between but ended up fighting again because I was too fast.
    LLDR btw.

    Now I contacted him AGAIN the last three days. I GNATTED
    Hehe doesn’t believe me any more… pushes me away and tries to destroy all hope. He said he doesn’t want me any more and thinks we are better off alone. He says we both need to fix ourselves and heal. He said it’s may be better to be friends.

    Since I f**** up NC several times… is there any chance left?
    Do I need to initiate it with a text…maybe by apologising for that mistake or no text nothing just staying quiet? I really want to do now. I made a calendar even.

    I am considering to join the fb group but without an idea if that makes sense at all… don’t know. He fell out of love completely ..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 26, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      If you already sent a clean slate text and then you gnatted, you can’t send it again..just restart nc and stick to it.. The more you restart it, the less it can help you

  4. Charlie

    December 12, 2017 at 10:28 pm

    My boyfriend of four years broke up with me, he got a new job and new friends and was going out partying 3-4 times a week so I got a bit naggy. He said he’s to immature for a relationship but he still very much loves me. Anyway I’ve been doing the no contact rule for a week now but he keeps liking all of my posts on Facebook? I just feel like it’s making the no contact role pointless as he’s still “seeing” me everyday? I don’t want to block him or unfriendly him as he’ll take it the wrong way! What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2017 at 3:36 pm

      Hi Charlie,

      That’s good that he stalks your account..just dont talk to him..

  5. Amanda

    December 8, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    Hey Chris,

    Sorry I forgot to mention, we have been together for 3 years and we broke up multiple times in between. Eventually ended up fixing it after a short period of time. But I’m sure you understand, every time feels like the last time and this time he said he was “serious”.

    Amanda

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 10:23 am

      Hi Amanda,

      Yup, you’re on track..

  6. Amanda

    December 8, 2017 at 7:42 pm

    Hey Chris,

    I’m 2 weeks into no contact. We broke up because he said our “small fights are piling up”. He dumped me and obviously I went through the begging and pleading cycle for a few days but he was adamant about not changing his mind. I must say I looked very desperate. However, I went out with all our friends (including him) a few days later and pretended to be completely normal and joyful. The day after that he messaged me asking me how I am and I ignored it (started the no contact). He called, I ignored again. He sent another message saying ” he just wanted to drop of something of mine and talk”. I ignored that too. Then he sent another message saying ” I still want to talk if you want to”. I decided to do the no contact because I wanted to avoid getting into the “make up break up cycle” like you mentioned in your site. Also I didn’t want to forgive him so easily for saying some really nasty things to me, some things were very personal. He called once a week later, but my phone was off. Thing is I’m leaving the city for a vacation at home while he’ll still be here. He always gets a little paranoid when I go back alone. Anyway, I just wanted your reassurance that I’m on track, and if I didn’t make a mistake by ignoring his initial message where he said he wants to talk. I’ll be back shortly 2 weeks after the 30 day NC ends, but I plan on messaging him before that.

    Looking forward to your reply.

    Kind Regards,

    Amanda

  7. sally

    December 6, 2017 at 7:54 am

    And do u think there is any hope for reconcillation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 4:10 am

      Hi Sally,

      He wanted to get back with you but he also wants to continue seeing the other girl? Check this one:
      My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

  8. sally

    December 6, 2017 at 7:49 am

    Hello, my fiance and i we broke up 7 days ago. Our relationship was on and off for about 2 years where he said he loved me and i’m his 1st love and 1st time he considers marriage(he’s 34) but he would leave after fights when angry. 2 months ago he wanted to leave and blamed it on me. I tried to work it out with him and to convince him or beg him to stay. Sometime he was v loving and wanted to proceed with marriage(it was scheduled last month). And sometimes wanted to leave after fights. Then our parents talked together about us separating and fought somehow.. it was nasty. That day he panicked and asked to try to fix things and to get back. I took him back. Then we were love birds then he wanted to leave again last week. I asked him if he was sure he said yes. I thanked him for everything and said that i loved him. It got emotional and he told me that he loved everything about me from the time i wake up in morning till i’m sleepy late at night and when i talked in enthusiastic way. We agreed to end the financial issues smoothly as we bought new furniture and appliances for house and i’ve got the ring and family shared in it (family share in our country) . It was a clean breakup. I did no contact. He texted me that night: love don’t b upset with me… i want to make u happy but i swear i couldn’t. I didn’t reply. 4 days later my mom texted him asking him to get her money after 1 week as she asked him for it 1 month before. He texted me asking about the amount of money but being nice. I answered in a professional short way. Then he texted me asking me to send my mom appologies and doesn’t want us to b angry with him. I didn’t answer and continued posting nice pics and working on myself. Then yesterday his mom called me to tell me something about the money. The he texted me saying that his mom told him she called and he is appologizing sincerely about her calling if she said anything to call me and he was planing that no one bothers me with this. I didn’t answer the text. He texted again : it seemed he really bothered u. I’m really sorry. I didn’t answer to this. My question is: how can i apply no contact in this situaton. Should i call or meet him to solve this mess as i feel no one is getting along here. I don’t want this to end in drama. And do his multiple appologies indicate anything good. Thank u and sorry the complexity of things

  9. Jane

    December 5, 2017 at 3:31 am

    Hi, I’ve read several articles on your blog about NC but I don’t recall reading something about having to be active on social media. My ex bf and I dated for four years and he broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. After being a complete mess and begging him to take me back the first couple of days and then a slip about another week later, I have been in NC for the last 2-3 weeks. I have been working on improving myself and focusing on how I can just heal (even though my heart wants him back). As the end of the 30 days approaches, I saw some comments here that said you should be actively posting on social media so he can see how you’ve changed. I haven’t done that as neither he nor I use social media at all really. We occasionally look at it but never post. My questions are: 1) Should I be posting or can NC still improve your chances if you don’t? 2) I understand you’re supposed to reach out after the NC period with an interesting text but what if you told him that you at the beginning of NC that you can’t be in contact because you needed to pick up pieces of yourself and you can’t be friends?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 8:12 pm

      Hi Jane,

      If he said that to you, then the posts will help you indirectly show him that you’re moving on.. because there’s a high chance that he will check your account when he gets curious on what you’ve been doing lately. Just extend to 45 days so you can do that first before initiating and check this one:
      EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

  10. Jeri

    November 21, 2017 at 8:49 pm

    Hi
    Here recently, me and my boyfriend of almost 4 years have broken up. The past 2 years it’s been on and off. This time I was tired of the on and off situation, anyway, it’s the first time I’ve initiated the no contact rule ever. Today is exactly a week. My ex is weird and very hard to understand, he has blocked me on social media, however, before I initiated NC, we texted back and fourth with each other. Well, here is my problem.. a week into NC, my cell number has changed. So I have no way of knowing if me not contacting him is driving I’m crazy, should I text him and let him know my new number, or wait until NC is over and text him without knowing if he’s tried contacting me. Which do you think is best, or am I just overthinking this entire thing?
    Thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 2:57 am

      Hi Jeri,

      finish nc first and then initiate contact after that.. Be active in improving yourself and in posting, just make your posts public.

  11. Lou

    November 20, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he found old sexual texts on my phone that I exchaged with my best friend before I had met him. My best friend is in a comitted relationship with a girl who has bipolar. ha never told my boyfriend about this little ‘affair’ because it was short lived, I put a stop to it before I met him and we had remained friends, I was also very ashamed of it. But my boyfriend has depression and has had a failed marraige because he was cheated on and when he found this out he said that he couldn’t look at me, would never look at me the same and had no trust in me anymore. (although he ad waited 2 days to tell me that he had seen these texts and had acted normal in that time before completely blowing up when he decided to ask me about it) He called me vile and said he hated me and that he’s shared everything and I didn’t show him the same. However, we were together for nearly 6 months, I was devoted to him, we had talked about marraige, I was very close with his 6 year old daughter, we very nearly moved in together. I’d let him live with me briefly, lent him money. A month ago he thought that he might have cancer and broke up with me because he said that he didn’t want me to be put through it even though I had said that I would stick by him no matter what. When he found out that he didn’t have it, he came back after 2 weeks and told me he needed and wanted me in his life and loved me, a week later this happened. We had a very intense love, it did happen very quickly but we were very attached and devoted to one another. I have things at his and he owes me money, I’ve been blocked on all platforms, phone, facebook, instagram. The day we broke up he told me not to contact him but then prceeded to keep texting me telling me how disgusted he was, that he despised me, how he wishes he’d never found the tets and then said that he was deleting me from his life. I dropped off his keys and a watch that I’d fixed for him a week after we broke up but posted it and cycled away, he wasn’t in. I’m not ready to see him or deal with any of it yet, if I did I would just break down. He’s very unstable but last time he came back and he’d been drinking and self harming. I’m just at a loss, I’ve told him i’m sorry repeatedly, that I’m ashamed and that all I have done is love him and that that period of time wa a strange time for me and meant nothing but that still doesn’t make it ok. but I have had absolutely no contact since the break up and I’ve come off social media. How much more no contact would you reccommend, and how should I go about contacting him when I need to?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 22, 2017 at 12:58 am

  12. Mia

    November 20, 2017 at 12:59 am

    Hi
    So recently, my boyfriend of about 7 months broke up with me completely out of nowhere because he ‘needs to sort his life out’ or get things in order, and to be fair I do believe him because he is failing uni and doesn’t know what he’s doing with his life at the moment, and despite being heartbroken I’m trying to be as supportive as possible
    In my head, we had a really good relationship, we were like best friends and i saw a future with him and I thought that he felt the same, but he said he cannot be committed while he sorts things out
    the break up was so unexpected that I freaked out because I love him so much, but then to make myself not seem needy or anything i sent him a message saying i support his decision for ‘space’ and we’ve had no contact since then
    I am planning on trying the 21 or 30 day no contact rule, however I am very worried because I’m meant to be going to Asia in December (just over a month) and so by the time that month of no contact is over, I am going on holiday for 6 weeks and I am really worried that I’ll lose him
    i’ve had past relationships and I’ve never loved any one or been so happy with someone before
    Please help as I am so unsure of how to handle this situation and I’m worried that while I’m away he’ll get over me and not want to be with me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 21, 2017 at 7:24 pm

  13. M

    November 15, 2017 at 9:01 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago. We have been dating for around 3 months, and I really enjoy spending time with him, from going to the grocery store, to going to a corn maze, to just cuddling on the couch; I’ve loved every minute. I’ve dated a few guys in the past, one seriously for a year, but I have never felt the way that I feel about him about anyone else; from the first day I met him I honestly thought he was the one (of course I never told him that) and I still believe he is. We had some minor skirmishes during our 3 months, but nothing I would consider break-up worthy or abnormal. He would constantly tell me how happy he was in our relationship, how lucky he was to have me, and how he had never been such good friends with any of his other girlfriends, and how nice it was. One night we were talking about our views on marriage (which wasn’t uncomfortable or abnormal- we talk about pretty much everything); he thinks it’s governmental and for insecure people- I think its romantic and the ultimate commitment. Later on I asked him if he saw our relationship as a “just for now thing, or could he see a future with me”? He replied by saying “I can only answer that by evaluation of the type of person I’d need to be with in order to make it a future thing, I don’t think you’re that person now, but I’d also mention that you’re young and have time to change, so I’m not making any conclusions. I’d recommend not worrying about what person you are now and maybe just enjoying life as it is and letting everything happen naturally.” He is 22 and I am 19. This stung, but I didn’t respond, and we moved on. I then asked if I could think about what he said for a while and we could talk about it in a few days? He said sure; I thought everything was fine. The next day he didn’t speak to me at all, which was weird because he usually told me good morning every morning. Eventually I messaged him and asked if he was just busy, or there was something wrong? He replied “both.” The conversation resulted in him saying that he “needed some time apart.” I told him that if he wanted that he needed to say it to my face. We met up after his class (we go to the same college but share no classes). I asked him point blank, “so, are you breaking up with me” and he said “yes, that my question about the future made him realize that he was “half-assing” our relationship, and it wasn’t fair for me to be with someone who couldn’t return feelings/actions full force, and that he needs to be with someone who is more realistic, someone that won’t get hurt when he leaves after graduation (he wants to go work in Holland for a year, but has not fully decided on a plan) and that he never should have tried to have sex with me and ruining being friends” (we met on Tinder- where I made my intentions of wanting to date crystal clear- being friends wasn’t something we ever really discussed being). He also said there was nothing wrong with me, and said that he wants to be friends when I’m ready. Also, if it’s relevant he was cheated on by his last girlfriend, and she got pregnant on purpose by him so that he would stay with her. He just met my family last week and I thought things were going awesome. I think his reasoning is all over the place. Is there a way to know the true reason he broke up with me? Could he have gotten overwhelmed by the seriousness of our relationship (meeting my family, talking about a future)? How do I get him back? I’ve started the no contact rule. Please let me know if anything needs clarification- sorry this was so long; I just really need help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 1:58 am

      Hi M,

      it looks like you were too committed and he’s not.. do at least 21 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting.

  14. KC

    November 15, 2017 at 8:17 am

    Hi,

    I left two comments here yesterday but, they are no where to be seen.

    I hope they were submitted okay.

    I’d love to hear your advice.

    Thank you.

    KC

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 1:27 am

      Hi KC,

      I only see one in pending comments.. Why are you the only one making adjustments in your schedule? Can’t he file a leave or sleep over in your place?

  15. KC

    November 14, 2017 at 10:04 am

    Hi,
    I’d really appreciate it if you could help me with this. );

    Our relationship is 6 month old.
    During the period, we’ve said I love you to each other and expressed how lucky we are to have found one another.
    We’ve never had an argument.
    I guess the unfortunate thing was that we are both busy with our work and so we only get to meet up once a week ish. But even that was not a whole day. Just the evening + overnight.
    I wasn’t complaining of this at all though. I was happy to see him once a week.
    But the problem was when that short amount of time was cut even shorter.
    One day, my bf said he would like to spend more time with me and that we should spend a whole day together.
    His day off is Mondays and Tuesdays, not weekends like me.
    So I used my annual leave to get a day off on a Monday so we could spend time properly together. I didn’t mind that I used my leave. I was happy to do so.
    But, on that day, he received a call during afternoon asking him to work due to urgent issue. So we had to split at around 3 pm.
    To be honest, I was quite disappointed. This wasn’t totally easy for me to do either. I was busy too and took extra measure to ensure my work wasn’t affected from time off.
    I understood in my head that it’s not his fault but, in my mind, I was quite bummed out.
    And the sad thing was that this wasn’t the only time. This happened once before too.
    We don’t usually text or call each other often because we are both busy (we would text maybe every 2-3 days) but, particularly the week following this incident, we hardly talked.
    I asked him whether we would be meeting up next week. He said, he’s really busy but, can do Tuesday night.
    So on Tuesday, I texted him in the afternoon saying, “I’m finishing work early today so might be able to see you sooner”.
    And then he replied to me with this, “hey, i’m really sorry but, a friend of mine rocked up at my doorstep this morning and she is a mess. I think we have to postpone. I’m really sorry”.
    I was actually quite hurt by this. Again, there was a reason why but, it felt like the promise we made to each other was disrespected and I am like his 5th or 10th priority.
    We already weren’t seeing or talking to each other all that often so I just felt that this is really unfair for me.
    So that day, I texted him explaining all this to him and said that I don’t think I can do this anymore, that it’s not fair for me.
    He said he is sorry but understands where I am coming from.
    I asked him if I could pick up my things from his place and he said I can do that the next day.
    So I finally saw him face to face that day. When we saw each other, we embraced and kissed each other. I didn’t realise how much I missed being in his arms.
    I asked him straight up, “do you actually want this to end?”
    He said, “No of course not. I love you. As I said, I wanted you to move in with me. I still do”.
    After hearing this, I asked him whether we should take a break for a bit instead of breaking up.
    He said, “okay, if you are alright with that”.
    I said, “let me know when you are ready and I’ll let you know when I am ready”, which he agreed.
    We said “I’ll see you soon” to each other when we parted. Still being very affectionate towards the end.
    I also didn’t remove my things from his place too. Just left them there.
    It’s been nearly a week now since this and we haven’t talked to each other since.
    I do want to get back together but, I’m worried he might change his mind.

    My questions is, does it seem like I need to do the 21 day no-contact rule in this case? Or is 21 days a little too long or short in this instance?
    If it’s a yes to no-contact rule, shall I reach out to him first after the no-contact period?

    I’d really appreciate your opinion!!

    – KC

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 1:27 am

      Hi KC,

      I only see one in pending comments.. Why are you the only one making adjustments in your schedule? Can’t he file a leave or sleep over in your place?

  16. D

    November 5, 2017 at 4:15 pm

    Please help,

    I cannot find the 2 comments I have made earlier today. I had written quite a long one and then a shorter one right after that about my relationship and the breakup.

    I really need your advice.

    Thanks
    D

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 1:14 pm

      Hi D,
      If you’re still broken up after your graduation, start nc.. You dont have to be super active in posting.. 2-3 posts a week, that’s ok to start with… Because your posts are your indirect way of showing ypur improvements..and even the act of posting shows you’re not the same person as before

  17. D

    November 5, 2017 at 12:11 pm

    Hello again,
    Also, I am not sure what we are right now. I think he sees it as “over” and only wrote to me for my health issue. He accepted to wait till I go there not to continue the talk and not hurt me, he already made up his mind.
    After what I saw on his account, confronted him, how he did not bother to reach out to me when I blocked him right after that, but still unblocked him a day later and wrote to him or the fact that he did not try to defend himself and days later tried to break up.. I feel so lame for still trying to get him back. I will only be there for 3 days when I go there, then I won’t be able to go to UK due to my visa termination and the only way for us to see each other, if we made up, would be like the old times.. him coming to visit me. It really has always been very hard, expecially after parents being involved with over a fight, but not impossible. I would try to find a job there if he asked, extend my visa, do something for us, persuade my parents when necessary. But he is bored, fed up, maybe attracted to other girls he sees on social media.. he doesn’t see me, we never even talked on the phone or video called since I came back because our parents did not know. He did not have 5 mins for me. he eventually started saying he does not like talking on the phone (funny, thats what we always did)
    and I am unable to get over my 3 years relationship with him and carry on with my life when he was in the center of my life, my future.. because we did always talk about marriage, rings, where to live, buying a house, kids, visa, everyting. I am so upset to see him give up on us, in one message. to see him hungry for girls and making me feel like a paranoid when I was right to be suspicious.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 1:14 pm

      Hi D,
      If you’re still broken up after your graduation, start nc.. You dont have to be super active in posting.. 2-3 posts a week, that’s ok to start with… Because your posts are your indirect way of showing ypur improvements..and even the act of posting shows you’re not the same person as before

  18. D

    November 5, 2017 at 11:41 am

    Dear Team,
    My boyfriend and I have been/were together for almost 3 years. We met when he was in my city for an exchange program and we carried on our relationship even when we fell apart. We were going to celebrate our 3rd year on November 14 but he wanted to end our relationship 5 days ago. I want to specify it has always been a LDR (different countries, 2-3 hour time difference) apart from the last 1 year of it when I went London to do my masters and returned back for good to my country 3 months ago. Although I was always okay with LDR, everything is a lot different now compared to before I went to London. He is not as loving, caring, jealous, kind as before. By the way, when I was in London, I lived with him and his family for 5 months and I left their place in a tense situation with his family so they don’t like me at all and my parents don’t like them. Therefore, for the last 8 months, we have been hiding us from them. While I was still in London living somewhere else, we kept meeting every day, worked part-time in the same place, kept doing everything together. However, his parents’ views must have a big impact on him that he recently, before the breakup, said he sees no future for us. Although I am going through the same hardship with my family, I never pronounced this future thing, neither had he before that very time. In fact, when I was leaving London, he and I cried and he begged me to come work there in London, promised we would talk every day and he would tell me everything as in whoever would write to him etc.

    Back to today. Before he came up with that decision saying it’s the best for us 5 days ago, I had asked for a little break (so that he would miss me and wonder about me because he was way less caring). In the meantime, my fb account was deactivated but I deleted him not to see what he does (rushed decisions) and re-deactivated it. So I guess he has not realized I deleted him because my account is still off. While asking for this break, I had told him I would write back to him when I felt ready. On the second day of NC, I couldn’t hold myself back and stalked his instagram through someone else (I don’t have any social media apart from FB that I only use to stalk people and I never post anything). I saw so many people he is following and is being followed by half as many. A few months ago, he had told me he had opened a new account so him following more than 700 people was shocking for me. Furthermore, I saw that one of these girls was the one we had a massive argument about and I broke up for. Meaning he was supposed to have her blocked everywhere, let alone follow her. I saw she liked all his recent photos (he only has 5). Previously, I had caught my boyfriend flirt with her, try to continue the conversation and arranging a meet up. It was a total shook-up because I never imagined him doing these things behind my back, that’s why ı had broken up. Again, when I saw her name a week ago, I immediately confronted him with screenshots. He was shocked to see how I found out his followers as his account was private. He said it was about the follower-followed ratio. on the next day, he lowered the number of followings to the same number as followers, because he is obssessed with these things. Maybe a “narcissist” as you refer to in your articles.) But she was still there in both followers and following. He did not delete or block that girl saying I should first tell him my source. Although I insisted it was out of question for him to blackmail me, all he did was to unfollow her but she was still following her. I wrote essays asking why she was more valuable than our relationship, why he chose to have her and risk me, what is special about her etc. And all he answered to those long msgs was “it’s a struggle to read those msgs” and nothing more. By the way, I had caught his tweets and how he followed, liked and commented on pornstars, publicly asking about her sex life on twitter around the same time I had first found about this girl months ago. That was huge for me because not only was he horny for pornstars but also it was public. He had said it was a joke between him and his friend trolling pornstars. He never did that after I asked him. Since then I have been a heavy stalker of his twitter but I had never thought of stalking his instagram as I already couldn’t as he didn’t want to tell me his instagram name. Once I saw +95% of his friends are girls on instagram, and that I went through all their accounts and saw the photos my boyfriend liked (boobs, butt, legs, bikinis etc) I felt very disappointed for having been betrayed all this time. My messages could not go any further than me interrogating him. I would call him when he was free and he rejected. I was suspicious he was with a girl (not that one above because she is somewhere else). When he msgd me back after my calls, he said he didn’t like the way I am in our relationship and wanted to end it. He kept saying he is not seeing anyone and he unfriended and deleted her (yes, he did) but I am guessing he does flirt or like the idea of being able to flirt without me being a barrier in his way.

    I am going to London in less than 3 weeks for my graduation where he was going to accompany me during the ceremony. I asked him how he could end it over a msg, that I am going there for graduation and we could talk face to face. He said he’ll wait until I go there so that “I can say whatever I need to” and that he is not running away from anything. I need to get some of my stuff so I have to see him on the day of my arrival. That’s why I cannot apply the NC rule. In the meantime, I have been checking my facebook (then deactivating it) to see if he deleted our photos and so far he hasn’t but I am scared to activate and check it every day. Furthermore, he is always online on whatsapp (he does have many football groups and a best friend (male) group that he always talks to.) But after what I found out on his social media and the fact that he broke up makes me think he could possibly be talking to girls.

    I know I need to create social media accounts and be active there, carefully posting parts of my fun life without him but I am not a photo person as I find it very insincere and fake nor do I have any friends here to hang out with. And I don’t work so I cannot interact with new people to make friends. Basically, I am a loner without him and my parents. I can’t keep myself busy apart from working out at home which is, again, for partly him to see me beautiful when I go there for 3 days.

    By the way, we talked 2 days ago because I had some health issues and I informed him and he asked me how I was later on. I tried to continue the conversation by asking him how he is doing with university stuff. The conversation ended after his response. Since 2 days ago, there has been NC from his side, I don’t stalk him on twitter or instagram anymore (the latter because he unfriended my source, definitely not knowing he is my source, but for some other reason, so I actually can’t stalk rather than “don’t”).

    Please tell me how I should behave until I go to London. Should I celebrate our 3rd year anniversary on the 14th, which will be a week before I go there? And say what and how? or accept it is over and not say anything? I need to definitely contact him before and during my visit for my stuff and maybe about our break up. “What I need to say” won’t change his decision or maybe he won’t even talk about it nor meet me as it is already over in his eyes but I want to be cool and UG so he regrets the tiniest bit deep inside. I want him to be mesmerized when he sees me, hence why I am working out, because it is different when I am there physically than us chatting on the phone. But if he is already seeing someone, it is definitely over for me, I won’t and can’t accept it.

    I have read many of your articles, comments of people and your feedbacks, I know I should do NC, social media update, improve myself for myself rather than for him, focus on hobbies and friends ( I have none of either), not stalk him and try to be the UG etc. but now you know my story. I am so lonely to make it look like I am living my life.

    Please kindly write an extensive feedback on my situation. I am drowning in possibilities and the truth.

    Thanks for your time.
    D.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 1:15 pm

      Hi D,
      If you’re still broken up after your graduation, start nc.. You dont have to be super active in posting.. 2-3 posts a week, that’s ok to start with… Because your posts are your indirect way of showing ypur improvements..and even the act of posting shows you’re not the same person as before

  19. Kerry

    October 16, 2017 at 2:38 pm

    Help!
    Day 5 of NC he’s called me 7 times, text, fb messaged and reached out to my friends as he’s had no response from me. I am due to go on holiday next month… with him, and because I’m not replying he’s asking what we are going to do about the holiday as we aren’t even on speaking terms, and has asked if my friends or family want to take his place. I feel like he’s desperate to get a response from me. What should I do!?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 16, 2017 at 11:54 pm

      It’s not breaking nc if you’re only going to talk to him about that.. And make it one time only talk so that he doesn’t keep using it as a reason to talk to you..

  20. Kerry

    October 16, 2017 at 8:48 am

    Help!
    Day 4 of NC he’s called me 7 times, text, fb messaged and reached out to my friends as he’s had no response from me. I am due to go on holiday next month… with him, and because I’m not replying he’s asking what we are going to do about the holiday as we aren’t even on speaking terms. I feel like he’s desperate to get a response from me. What should I do!?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 16, 2017 at 11:54 pm

      It’s not breaking nc if you’re only going to talk to him about that.. And make it one time only talk so that he doesn’t keep using it as a reason to talk to you..

  21. ev

    October 5, 2017 at 12:06 am

    Hi,

    I’ll try to keep this short. My ex and I separated less than 2 weeks ago. We were together 4 years, mainly long distance since he’s in the military. I was upset at first, but we left on a good note in which he indicated this is probably just “for now”. I told him I couldn’t downgrade myself from girlfriend to friend, yet he still wanted to remain in touch. He very obviously still cares about me and is still very attracted to me physically, but thinks this is our best bet right now. I’m handling this as if it is a permanent breakup, though, because of his mixed signals and mixed reasons.

    I’ve been doing NC for a week now. On the 4th day of NC, my ex sent me a text (it was insignificant and I didn’t reply to it) and added me on snapchat. I only downloaded this a week ago so it’s new to me. I decided not to add him because I felt it was too soon, plus I don’t want to be in the friend zone. However, we’re still fb friends. Was it right of me to refuse his snapchat add?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2017 at 8:30 am

      Hi Ev,

      Yeah that’s ok of it helps you..because if you add him, you still cant5 reply since you’re in nc.. And post more in sites where posts last

  22. Rachel

    September 27, 2017 at 2:06 am

    I’m not sure if I’ve messed up the purpose of NC. I started about 10 days ago but before I went no contact I told him I was leaving because I needed to get my thoughts in order. He didn’t want me to leave and wished to remain friends so I feel like I shut that door on him, however I did allude to returning later if I was feeling better. I definitely realize I probably shouldn’t have said this and just gone ahead and implemented the rule without word of it, but now I’m somewhat stuck and confused. Is this no contact still going to have any effect? I’m working to improve myself, but it’s hard to stay focused because everywhere I’ve read it appears like I’ve already messed up the beginning because you’re not supposed to tell them. Another thing to mention is that before I left, my ex straight out told me he would definitely miss me, and that he didn’t want me to leave. If I decided to return, he would still be there.

    Our relationship was tough, but we got along really well despite our worries about our relationship. We had a long-distance and due to him not feeling we could share as much as we both wanted, we’ve had our fair share of fights and struggles trying to make it work. We broke up once, got back together, but then he broke up with me again. Our situation has spanned over the last 6 months. He says he has logical reasons to want me and he still wishes it could work, but he’s not emotionally feeling it. He also said he’s exhausted at this point and pessimistic to future possibilities because of our past experiences. I would be able to fix our circumstances soon as this issue was money, but waiting for so long for things to get better has taken it’s toll. The last time we talked, around 10 days ago, I got a little questioney about us and it turned into an argument. He apologized before I said I was leaving, and said pushing this for as long as we could has brought out the worst qualities in him. I left and told him I won’t be returning until something changes. I’m sure I’ve messed up at least a little by saying I was going away, but is there a way I can work with what’s already been done and can’t be changed? I haven’t broken the rule yet.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2017 at 9:34 pm

      HI Rachel,

      if you didn’t tell him the no contact rule exactly and when you’re going back, it’s ok.. And be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

  23. Jade

    September 1, 2017 at 2:46 am

    So, basically I was strung along after the break-up. We are long distance. He told me he thought it was for the best to break up because he wasn’t certain about our future cuz of the long distance (he had been uncertain for a while) and it was clear the uncertainty was hurting me. So, I did the worst. I begged him. But he said because he missed me so much even while we were just talking, and that he still loved me he just needed more time because he was worried he was making a huge mistake, but he needed a month. I agreed being dumb. So all that went on and we spoke every single day while broken up. We both love talking to each other so much. It was hard for us both to stop. And he was bad at responding, He responded enough to keep me around but not enough to where he had responsibility. When he got back after a month he started avoiding my texts even more. I brought up the fact that he said he would make a decision again. He said he was putting off the conversation. Then he would somehow put off the conversation for a week, and then I would bring it up again. At this point I knew I was annoying him. Eventually I got sick and I just said that I change my mind and I want to stay broken up for now because this isn’t right. He said he thought it was for the best too because his uncertainty was hurting me. He told me after that month and a half that he still loves me but he just doesn’t know what he wants. He still hasn’t made up his mind. I wouldn’t believe him for so long because that didn’t make sense to me. I had a solution for us to end the long distance and everything and I was telling him about it that whole month (Reading this site I get what I was doing was absolutely wrong). One time I just flat out said, I think we should stop talking because I needed a break from him and cuz I wanted to try NCR. But it erupted into a huge conversation and this was the first time he expressed serious annoyance with me. I was telling him how we could work for that whole time, which wasn’t fair cuz he kind of put me in that position instead of allowing me to just go full no contact. I had a whole plan to end the distance. He wouldn’t respond to any of that so I finally just decided to make the decision for him and say I want the break-up now. But none the less, I did what you DON’T do if you want someone back. I hounded him that whole time asking when he would respond to me so we could finish the conversation and reach a conclusion- good or bad. Anyways. so I finally said I was okay with the break-up too now and I thought it was for the best. Obviously if I really did want that, I wouldn’t be here at all. My question is, where do I go from here? I called it off in a way. He said I “forced the decision”, but honestly I had no other choice because he was being so unresponsive. Anyways, if I told him it’s best that we don’t talk, will the no contact rule work? I mean it’s not me ignoring him anymore, he knows I’m cutting him off. Will NC still work? And are the odds in my favor if he says even now (despite clearly not wanting a relationship) that he still loves me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 3, 2017 at 7:23 pm

      HI Jade,

      the nc just helps increase your chances, it doesn’t guarantee that it will get him back. So, ignoring him after saying it’s better not to talk can still help because he probably doesn’t expect you to stick to it and improve.

  24. Juli

    August 27, 2017 at 9:06 pm

    hello
    Does the no contact tule Work on someone i ve dated only
    For 3 weeks?
    We met and started going out after 3 days and everything happened very fast
    Then he said he can’t continue with me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 2:37 pm

      There’s no guarantee that it will work on any situation, it just helps increase your chances

  25. KK

    August 27, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    My ex has been back forwards between me and his ex for the past 3 months. Sadly I have fallen in love with him and never completed no contact because each time he says he wants to be with me, so I break it.
    We also work together in a very close environment.
    Anyway, on Thursday just gone we had a huge row (at work awkwardly) where he said we were done and could never be together because he wanted to be with his ex. It hurt. I tried one last time, but nothing.
    I’m now on day 3 of no contact. He has text me every day. Saying he’s worried about me. Saying he wants to speak to me. Saying he wants us to sort out what we’re going to do about work. (I’m leaving but he doesn’t know this) Today he’s called, left voicemail, text a mutual friend, text me from both his personal & work phones. Oh and DM’d me on social media.
    Although NC is clearly doing the job, he’s still not saying the all important “I want us to be together” so I’m still not responding.
    Please can you tell me if I’m doing the right thing still? I’m confused. I want him back and I want to see him and of course I want to talk to him. Do I keep quiet for now? Should I shorten NC? I was going for 30 days. I’m on day 3.
    Just need a bit of guidance at the moment. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 1:10 pm

      If I were you, I wouldn’t believe him unless he really cuts ties with the other girl

  26. Alex

    August 27, 2017 at 6:21 am

    Baskcally, my ex ended things becuase he will be leaving for the military soon . I wanted to ask if I should still use the no contact rule or try to keep in touch until he leaves and have the no contact rule work itself when he’s gone for bootcamp?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2017 at 2:04 pm

  27. Mae

    August 20, 2017 at 2:50 am

    I just recently found out that my boyfriend has been using Tinder to talk to girls. He doesn’t know that I know his phone’s password. I just had a gut feeling about it. So I checked his phone while he was away. From his messages, it seems that nothing materialized, and he never contacted them again since June 30th.

    I confronted him about it, and he eventually admitted. He said it was because he sometimes felt that I was pressuring him into marriage and kids. He feels that I am too good for him, and that he doesn’t deserve me. That I am “so so kind, generous, sweet, and selfless” towards him.

    Long story short, I asked for time out (no contact) to heal and to reassess the relationship. He started crying really hard, and begged that I give him another chance, that I am everything to him.

    I already know that I will forgive him. But I don’t want him to think that I will forgive him easily, because he might just do it again. Does the 30-day no contact rule still apply here? Because he is already begging me to forgive him. But I just don’t want it to be too easy for him. I want him to work hard to get me back. And I want him to put in more effort to the relationship. I am a 34 year old surgeon, and he’s a 30 year old fireman btw. I do want to eventually get married, but I am not going to settle for anyone just because of that.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 7:01 pm

      you already told him you need time, so take your time. Just do whatever number of days will make you less angry before talking to him again.

  28. sarah

    August 17, 2017 at 4:21 am

    On Day 21 of NC, I found out that MY FRIEND reached out to my ex without my permission or knowledge. That friend tried to get my ex to talk to me by saying that I was having a big meltdown the other night, and was “afraid of something happening when I’m left alone” — inferring that I was suicidal. That friend’s message to my ex was exaggerated and false. I was absolutely FURIOUS when I found out my friend did that. Because not only did he violated my trust, and painted me in a desperate/pathetic light, he also messaged my ex WHO HE HAS MET ONCE. They’re not even acquaintances. My ex never liked him very much either. I feel stupid for trusting this friend..
    ANYWAY.. My ex, responded to his message by saying “I’ll do something about it”. My ex reached out to my brother stating that he does not think that there is anything he can do for me, and so my brother should handle it. Which is totally understandable, because we are broken up and he is no longer responsible for me.

    Now I’m wondering if what my friend did completely ruined my NC/chances? For all of 21 days, I was active and whatnot. To my ex, I looked happy and moved on. But now, I feel like what my friend did has ruined all the work I’ve done. My NC is almost up (I’m doing 30 days), should I still talk to him after NC? Or should I prolong it?

    Any insight or advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 17, 2017 at 3:41 pm

      Yeah, you should extend to 45 days

    2. sarah

      August 17, 2017 at 3:55 pm

      Ok, I thought so too..but after 45 days of NC, 1) it ends the day after my birthday, 2) he leaves overseas for a couple of weeks with his family…. Would that hinder my chances because he will be busy?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 18, 2017 at 3:09 pm

      If the 46th day is the day after your birthday..better to end it at 30 days so you can start building rapport before they leave too

    4. sarah

      August 17, 2017 at 8:18 pm

      Should I apologize to my ex on behalf of my friend’s behaviour? Should I mention this incident at all after NC?
      Thanks

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 18, 2017 at 5:31 pm

      for me yes, to clear the air about that

  29. Roche

    August 16, 2017 at 3:38 pm

    My ex and I broke up last month, pretty big fight, we were together for 1 and a half years.

    I didn’t speak to him for two weeks, we then had a discussion where he agreed to work on his issues and said that he loves me, misses me, wants me in his life and that it is my choice.
    He then became distant, so I asked what’s going on, to which he said that he feels really bad about hurting me and that he is scared to try again because he doesn’t want to hurt me again and that is why he is not trying again. (Complete 180 on our last discussion.

    I’ve seen him a few times since, during which he told me he still loves me and that he isn’t over me yet. Last time I saw him was on Monday evening. I was in an accident this weekend and while in hospital, learned that I was 8 weeks pregnant and that I’d started having a miscarriage due to the shock from the accident.

    I told him about this on Monday night. He was shocked and said that he needed to think about what I’d just told him and would talk to me once he figures out how to feel. We’re both still relatively young (25 and 26), and didn’t exactly plan on getting pregnant, so I can understand that he might be confused as to how he feels about this. But planned or not, I’m devastated by it, and can honestly not see why he would be so nonchalant about it..

    I found this website a few days ago and would like to try your strategy, but I’m not sure how to apply it. Firstly, we broke up a month ago now. To start NC now, would put me very close to the 66days mentioned by Chris. I did ignore him for 2 weeks though before we had the initial conversation, so if I were to continue and use the “broken, extended” NC Chris mentions in his other article, that gives me roughly 17 days of NC to do still.

    This morning I texted him to tell him that I’m going in for my first checkup, and asked him why he changed his mind after our first conversation post breakup. He basically replied that we’d already had that discussion, that I mustn’t ask something 100 times (I honestly didn’t ask that before), and that he feels worse when I ask that and proceeded to say good luck with the appointment. I replied and said that no, we did not have the discussion, he never told me why he’d changed his mind, and thank you for wishing me good luck. I was left on read. (Yay me, lol).

    Should I do complete NC or proceed to do extended NC (starting from the 2 weeks I ignored him previously) ? I’m a little conflicted on complete NC, since I honestly do not know if he will try to talk to me about the miscarriage. Also, he knows I did ignore him on purpose before (before having found your site), will this make a difference?

    Help, please…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 17, 2017 at 3:26 pm

      Hi Roche
      Start the count of 30 days of nc after reading this

  30. Laurie

    August 13, 2017 at 6:36 pm

    My ex ended things and I went into no contact 30 days ago today. He reached out to me once three weeks in to via text to wish me a happy birthday. But all he said was “happy birthday!” I responded with just “thanks.” He didn’t reach out again after that and neither did I. And now it’s been a month. Do I reach out now? Or do I need to restart no contact because I responded to his text and stay in no contact an additional few weeks?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 13, 2017 at 7:44 pm

      How active were you in improving yourself and in posting?

    2. Laurie

      August 13, 2017 at 8:44 pm

      Yes improving stuff but I’m not over the breakup. I still want him back. I’ve been posting but my ex is not on social media.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 14, 2017 at 8:20 pm

      The purpose of nc is for you to heal, improve and be more rational and to continue doing that after nc while slowly building rapport.. The purpose of posting during and after nc is for you to indirectly show that you’re moving on and improving.. If he’s not in social media or you’re blocked that means you need to make your publick so that if he gets curious during or after your nc, he will see them.. If you didn’t that, restart nc..

  31. pooja

    August 8, 2017 at 8:16 pm

    Hi!
    Thank you so much for your website and podcasts.. they’ve been helping me recover from the pain my ex has put me through. He’s a great guy and also a good person by heart. I do not hate him and I know that I emotionally pushed him to a level wherein he decided “enough is enough” and dumped me. I constantly fought with him and complained about many things. We are in a long distance relationship and he dumped me on my birthday (that was pretty messed up). He said he’s confused and not sure that he loves me. I wanted to do the no contact so badly but i broke it off everytime he messaged or called. This happened 5-6 times but I’m damn sure I’m going to do the no contact properly now. Will it still work? He messaged me last week seeing my snapstory (quote that says “if someone doesn’t value you, they need to lose you”) saying “I’m sorry i’m making you feel this bad”. That was his last message and it’s been a week since then. He hasn’t called or texted me. Please let me know what’s the correct approach to follow. Background information about us:- we’ve been together for five years (typical high school sweethearts and we’re both 23 now). We’ve fought multiple times and I have been pretty immature and dumped him a couple of times knowing at the back of my mind that I’ll be back with him again. This time he broke things off and is pretty stubborn with his decision, saying he’s confused.. he’s not sure what to do and he cannot make the efforts in our relationship. Please help me. It’s been almost two months since this happened.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 9, 2017 at 3:44 pm

      Hi Pooja,

      Only you can help yourself. No matter what we say, if you don’t start being active in starting a new life and routine, nothing will change in your life.

    2. Pooja

      August 14, 2017 at 3:05 am

      Hi Amor,

      I’ve become active with the social media posts and I’m following the no contact rule correctly. His only message was “I’m sorry I’m making u feel this bad” and after that he hasn’t messaged or called at all. Should I keep hopes or should I just ‘Move on?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 14, 2017 at 8:30 pm

      Finish thr nc process and the steps after that..if it doesn’t work, move ob..

  32. Jellyhearts

    August 8, 2017 at 2:11 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend of 6 months and I broke up almost 2 weeks ago, we’ve had no contact since. He’s a pessimist and a defeatist and has said that he does not want a relationship with anyone ever again, I think this was said out of anger because he had to balance many commitments i.e. work and school, and is feeling frustrated that he isn’t able to meet what he thinks are my expectations and needs. I also think breaking up was said out of anger but I cannot be sure. After reflecting, I feel like the two of us could work it out if we’re able to communicate better and that I am more patient and accepting of his flaws. I’m implementing the no contact rule but I’m worried that after no contact and slowly building rapport and becoming good friends again, he’ll still be resistant to getting back together because he’s such a pessimist and defeatist. I’m not sure that we even stand a fighting chance of getting through this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 9, 2017 at 3:20 pm

      no contact is not for changing the other person’s mind.. It’s for you. To heal, improve and be rational.

    2. Jellyhearts

      September 1, 2017 at 2:14 pm

      He reached out to me halfway through no contact to explain to me why he felt the relationship did not work out and to tell me to move on. I’ve been on no contact for 15 days now. However, our mutual friend has been talking to the both of us. This friend told me that my ex was feeling quite stressed about the fact that I wasn’t moving on. He has said all he had to say 15 days ago when he called and he is basically done with the relationship. After reading the How to Get Your Ex Back 2.0, I conveyed a message to him through our mutual friend about respecting what he wants. Do I restart No Contact again or do I continue for another 15 days?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 3, 2017 at 8:05 pm

      Yup, because in the first 15 days your friend was talking to him..

  33. Mel

    July 14, 2017 at 11:51 am

    Hi, I would like an opinion as I am not sure if the nc rule will help in my situation. I was seeing a guy for 7 months from Jan to Aug 2016 then he said that we were nothing and wanted some space. I begged him all the crazy stuff and told him I loved him and web nc for just 11 days ..after that he was happy to hear back from me but again I went into desperate mode again because I was frustrated that he would not love me back. Again we started to talk and decided to go skiing together as friends..it has always bean like this I chase to connect with me he responds whenever he fancies..he says he bought me a gift and some cakes for my birthday this year in April but never organised anything to meet with me. I think he just want a sort of friendship and not even because real friends meet each other. I keep showing my nediness and frustration to him wanting more. He knows I want more and he distances himself from me. He told me a week ago that I scare him after I called him multiple times and texted asking to meet up. He is not really my ex but I don’t know how to call him ..an ex friend .? I would like to reconnect with him and attract him back because I know I came off needy and longing and I started nc about 9 days ago. What should I do? Will this work on him knowing he is not interested in a romantic way with me? Do I have any chance of making him forget the old needy me and move forward as close friends or even be back together? I am working on self love because I know I was not attractive to him and to myself also. Please can you advise if the nc would work in this case or I just have to move on and that’s it? Thank you! Pleaae reply back I really need help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2017 at 7:23 pm

      It’s not a guarantee that nc will work but try it first..if it doesn’t work then move on…

  34. Sal

    July 13, 2017 at 7:23 pm

    Hi,

    I was wondering if NC works the second time….
    My ex and I broke up once before 10 months ago, for about 6 weeks, and i tried the 30 NC rule and it worked (obviously, since we got back together) but now that we ended things again, I wonder if the same method will work again??
    We broke up this time around because we would fight for a few days but then have a really great time the rest of the week, and this cycle has been happening for the past few weeks. We are eachothers’ first big love (talked about moving in soon and marriage etc), and we still love each other very much. The past 2+ years had alot of ups and downs, but I still want him back.. Do I have a second shot?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2017 at 6:51 pm

      It’s not a guarantee but you can still try it.. And check this one:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  35. Canna

    July 4, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago. I’ve tried the NC for a few days before, but eventually it wouldn’t last. The thing is my ex is my best friend (only friend also) and we work together, he also still keeps the key to my apartment (we used to live together). So, we see each other often because of work. Throughout the 4 months, we have hung out, texted, flirted and etc, but we haven’t gotten back together yet 🙁 He says that he doesn’t want a relationship at all, but I feel that he does have feelings for me still because of his actions towards me. I’ve been clingy, told him my feelings, I’ve told him plenty of times that’s i want to get back together and I’ve been needy and I have been a shadow at work (When he leaves a room, I try to keep him in the room but talking just to talk or I’ll follow him around). Today at work, was another one of those days when I was being extra clingy and needy. I wanted to try to start the NC for 30 days, but since we work together I was just going to keep conversations short and simple at work if he initiates conversation with me.

    Do you feel that it’s possible the NC will work with him? I do worry for all of the reasons that are probably common, fear of him forgetting me and moving onto another girl (even thought he said he isn’t interested in anyone). I downloaded a habit app to track my NC with him. Any advice would be helpful.

    (Btw, we had a great relationship, no cheating or arguing, but he did break up with me)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 5:42 pm

  36. Sara

    July 3, 2017 at 2:09 am

    Should I worry if he doesn’t text me in the no contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 1:32 pm

      the solution to all your worries is to be active in your life…be active in improving yourself and in posting..you need to do that because that’s your indirect way of showing that you’re improving and have your own life and that you’re not going to chase

  37. Mary

    June 27, 2017 at 1:06 pm

    hello, my name is Maria and I have a question.

    I’m doing a 45 days NC rule on my ex boyfriend. So the days didn’t finish yet and yesterday he texted me saying something but I really you know couldn’t open the message it was like a simple joke or whatever it was written ” hey stranger god damn.. ” and something ( I couldn’t see the message cause if I did, it will show the message to
    Him as ” seen ” so I just looked at the message without entering the chat.

    So after a day ( today ) he deleted the message for some reason.. is it a good sign? Maybe because he saw that I didn’t answer or see the Message he deleted it.
    So is it a good sign? Is the no -contact thing working?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2017 at 4:18 pm

      It’s hard to say just from that but it can be a good sign because he still cared to delete it since you didn’t look at it

  38. Brittany

    June 26, 2017 at 9:24 pm

    I have purchased the No Contact rule book and have read many blogs in this site. I have not seen any posts that address the issue: what if he sleeps with someone else during no contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2017 at 6:06 am

      You don’t have to do anything about that.. That’s out of your control.. Focus in yourself and how you would build rapport

  39. Brittany

    June 25, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    I am in the process of no contact with my ex. I unfortunately ran into him in public and things seemed okay. He has called and text a few times since then but then this morning he said he was only seeing if I wanted my things back. I haven’t responded.

  40. Jennifer

    June 13, 2017 at 1:24 pm

    Okay so this is a long one. Me and my ex dated for 3.5 years. He broke up with me June 2016 and we got back togetherand just broke up again (mutual) in January 2017. We never really gave each other the space that is needed. We hung out until May and then we both said we couldn’t do this anymore. He said a couple of 1 liners to me sine we really ended things in May. Like don’t shut me out down the line. And I never did no contact with him. I never ignored him. I know he knows that he could get me back whenever he wants. And I had the power for a little and just kept giving it right back to him. I feel so disgusted that I made so many mistakes. I don’t know where to really go from here. I know I need to move on but at the same time I still want him back. He said he is and fraud to lose me but in a way that he would want a friendship from me because I’m a great person. He said if 2 people are meant to be together it doesn’t matter how much time they are apart. I know I ruined every chance I had. What advice can you give me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 3:22 pm

      you know the answer.. the question is are you going to stick to it? the more you do nc, the less it can help you.. so either you stick to 45 days or move on

    2. Jennifer

      June 14, 2017 at 4:00 pm

      You’re right. I have to stick to no contact. Everytime I did it I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by ignoring him so i kept answering him. I never put my feelings in perspective. I wish I would’ve ignored him so he knows what it’s like to really lose me.

  41. Eliza

    May 28, 2017 at 4:57 am

    Hey.

    Considering he’s my best friend, wouldn’t it be best if I told him about putting distance between us so I can sort myself out? I can’t just abruptly cut all ties off since he goes to the same school as I do and I’ll be seeing him everyday and I’d like to avoid confrontation since I am still quite hurt from the breakup. What’s the best move from your opinion?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 29, 2017 at 6:54 pm

      does he know you have feelings for him?

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