Ever since the creation of this site there has been one strategy that it has been associated with it above all others.

Care to take a guess?

The “Ungettable Girl?”


The “I have a confession… text?”


Give up yet?

Ok, I will stop playing around with you.

It’s the no contact rule.

You know, that pesky little rule that forces you to ignore your ex boyfriend on purpose for a certain amount of time with the hope that he will miss you and you can be that much further along with your plans to win him back.

I must admit that while I get a lot of association with the no contact rule I am not the one who initially came up with the idea but if I ever do meet the person who came up with it I would shake their hand.


Because I have seen the power of the no contact rule (if it is implemented correctly) firsthand and it is POWERFUL!

In fact a wrote an awesome ebook about the topic and you should pick up a copy.  It’s called, “The No Contact Rule Book”!

Now, does it work every single time?

No, but it’s incredible how many women have had great successes with it,

nc 2 NC 3 no contact

And these are just a small handful of the women who have gotten back in touch with me after they got their exes back (using NC.) I literally have HUNDREDS of stories just like this saved to my iMac.

(I thought it might be a little excessive to post all of them here.)

Anyways, I don’t think there is any doubt about the fact that the no contact rule does work when it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back.

Of course, even I would be lying if I said it works 100% of the time.

What This Page Is About

I have this theory.

I think people learn more from failures than they do from successes.

Above I mentioned that the no contact rule doesn’t work 100% of the time.

Does it work for most women who successfully attempt it on their exes?


However, what I want to focus on in this “complete guide” are the attempts that it doesn’t work for.

When it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back you always need to have a contingency plan.

For example, I can give you the best advice in the world and you can implement it to perfection but maybe your ex doesn’t react to it the way you were expecting and you are thinking “now what?”

Having a backup plan in case things don’t go your way is a very good idea (and something almost no one does.)

And then having a backup plan of your backup plan protects you from failure even more.

That is what this page is all about.

I want to take a situation,

Where the no contact rule doesn’t work on your ex boyfriend

And give you a back up plan.

This page is going to be very long because I am going to be tackling things in an in-depth manner (like always) but at the same time I am going to make sure that this page is going to be very easy to digest because what we are talking about here is very advanced stuff.

In other words, I got your back 😉 .

A Brief Introduction To The No Contact Rule

(If you are already pretty familiar with the no contact rule then you can skip this section and go to the next one.)

Since this whole guide revolves around the no contact rule I thought it would be a little strange if I just started talking about what to do if it doesn’t work without first explaining it to those of you who may be reading this that aren’t too familiar with what it is.

So, what is it?

What is this rule of no contact?

Put simply, the no contact rule is a period of time where you completely ignore your ex.

Click To Pick Up Your Copy of My eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”!

For example, lets say that you and your ex boyfriend break up (and it’s a pretty nasty breakup.) Well, rather than doing what every other girl on this planet will do (which is begging for him back) you decide that it would be a great idea to ignore your ex for…. lets say 30 days.

That means that if your ex boyfriend were to call you, text you, Facebook message you or contact you in any other way, shape or form you would flat out ignore him.

Now, this “freeze out” only lasts for 30 days and then after that you are free to contact him. Of course, I have a specific way that I like to teach women to do that which is outlined in my book,

The No Contact Rule Book

Now, the definition of the no contact rule above is pretty thin. It’s just a quick crash course or the bare minimum of what you need to know.

Luckily for you I have written about the no contact rule a lot on this site,

Now that you have a brief idea of what the no contact rule is lets move on to talking about how we measure a failed no contact period.

What Constitutes A Failed No Contact Period?

It’s funny, I pulled out a piece of paper to write down the hundreds of things that constitute a failed no contact period and guess how many “constitutions” I ended up with?

A measly two…

Seriously, check it out,


Those were the only two things I could think of that constituted a failed no contact rule.

Now, maybe old age is starting to catch up to me (which at 25 would be kind of pathetic) but I can’t think of anything outside of those two reasons. If you can then please feel free to comment.

Luckily, the two reasons I gave above are all we need to really have an in-depth discussion.

Lets talk about them now.

Constitution One- Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Respond To You After The No Contact Rule


Pretty much the whole reason women get excited about the no contact rule is the fact that it has the power to potentially make their ex boyfriends miss them so much that they will want to come back to them on the spot once the period of time is up.

While it almost never works out that way (NEWFLASH you have to do more than just no contact to win your ex back) it can be very saddening when you don’t even receive a response from your ex after no contact.

Now, before I move on there is something that I feel entitled to cover.

Most women are under the impression that if their ex boyfriends do not message them during the no contact rule it means that NC is not working.

This is simply not true (as explained here.)

What really makes a no contact rule a failure is if your ex doesn’t even respond to you after it’s over.

Why is this a failure?

Because, in order for you to even have a chance to win your ex boyfriend back you have to communicate with him.

I mean, imagine that you were trying to win back the love of a concrete wall…

concrete wall

That is the situation you are in if your ex boyfriend doesn’t contact you after the no contact rule is complete.

There Is Some Good News Though

Your ex boyfriend not talking to you after the no contact rule is rare.

I recently went through the comments here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery and compiled a list of the first 20 women I could find who implemented the no contact rule on their exes.

Here were my findings,

  • 11 of them had their exes contact them during the no contact period.
  • 6 of them got in touch with their exes after the no contact rule was over.
  • 3 of them had failed no contact periods where there ex didn’t respond at all.

That means that 17 out of 20 women had successful no contact periods while the other 3 women didn’t.

This means that there is an 85% chance that you will have a successful no contact rule in which your ex boyfriend gets back in touch with you.

Constitution Two- You Break The No Contact Rule Before It’s Up

Tsk… Tsk… Tsk…

I gave you ironclad instructions to NOT contact your ex under any circumstances (except the ones here) and you disobeyed my orders.

I am sorry to go all Mufasa on you but,

disobey me

A woman breaking no contact early because she either misses her ex or he calls her during the no contact rule is without a doubt the most common mistake I see on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

In order for the no contact rule to be fully effective you have to wait 30 days.

You can’t do 14 days and then think to yourself,

“Ok, enough time has gone by I think I can get in touch with him now.”

I am sorry but the no contact rule doesn’t work that way.

Of course, I would have to say that without a doubt my most favorite situation is one where a woman messages me the following,

“Chris, I followed your no contact rule and I failed. He doesn’t want me back and he won’t even go on a date with me.”

My initial reaction upon reading this is,

“Darn, what can I do to help her?”

Of course, after further investigation I find out that she really didn’t do the no contact rule right as she broke it 3 days in after he messaged her on Facebook and she would sporadically break the no contact rule throughout the 30 days.

You see, this woman was under the impression that the no contact rule meant that she could respond to him only if he contacted her first.

Umm… no… just no…

The no contact has to be continuous.

There can be no interruptions save for a few special circumstances which I talk about in my book,

The No Contact Rule Book

Why does it have to be continuous?

Lets take a look at the graphic below for clarity,


This is how a perfect no contact rule timeline should look.

Notice how the NC period starts on the left of the line and then as time goes by it ends on the right of the line.

This uninterrupted no contact rule gives your ex boyfriend plenty of time to miss you and reminisce about your relationship (which you want to happen.)

Ok, now lets take a look at a no contact rule with a lot of interruptions,


The little bubbles in the line above serve as interruptions to the no contact rule.

They are all the times that you broke the no contact rule prematurely.

Why is this such a mistake?

Because, instead of giving your ex boyfriend time to reminisce and miss you, you are signifying to him with your actions (of interrupting NC) that you are still into him and as a result he isn’t going to respond the way you want him to after the no contact rule.

All it takes is one little interruption for this to happen.

One little slip up where you respond to a text message he sends.

The point I am trying to get at here is you have to be disciplined when it comes to the no contact rule.

Of course, I created this page for women who are in a worst case scenario situation in which the no contact rule doesn’t work.

So, lets move on to the exciting part of this article, figuring out what to do if things aren’t going your way after the no contact rule.

What To Do If The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work

do it now

This is where things start to get fun.

Lets assume that you are in a worst case scenario where your no contact rule has just failed.

At day 10 you broke the no contact rule to respond to your exes text message.

At day 13 you ended up talking to your ex on the phone after he called you.

Then at day 31 (the day after day 30) you send a text message to your ex boyfriend and he doesn’t respond.

“Darn..” you think to yourself.

“Maybe he was just busy.”

You try him again a few days later.

Still no response.

“What the heck is going on?” you wonder.

“Ok, I am going to try one last time and then that’s it.”

Nope he still hasn’t responded.

It appears that the no contact rule has failed.

For many women this is the worst scenario that they could face.

So, if you are in this situation what are you supposed to do?

Well, that is what this section is all about.

Luckily for you I have come up with 5 strategies on how to approach a failed no contact rule.

Lets start with strategy one.

Strategy One – Restart Your No Contact Period (With A Staggered Approach)


If you go back and read my original thoughts that I had on the no contact rule years ago here what do I recommend that you do if you mess it up?

Mess It Up= breaking it prematurely by messaging your ex boyfriend in any way shape or form outside of the allowed instances.

If you mess up on the no contact rule you have to start over from square one…

What does that mean?

It means that if you determined that you were going to use a 30 day no contact rule and on day 12 you broke that no contact rule then you have to restart the 30 days from that point on.

Hence, you are back at square one.

The same principle kind of applies here after a failed no contact rule.

We are assuming a worst case scenario so that means that no only did you break the no contact rule (and not start over from square one) but you also reached out to your ex boyfriend AFTER no contact was over and he ignored you.

What do you think most women do in this situation?

The press even harder.

Rather than taking a step back and re-evaluating the situation they continue to text their ex or call him.

This comes off as desperate and will have the opposite effect of what we are trying to accomplish here.

So, what I have been recommending to women lately (with great success) is a staggered approach to the no contact rule.

What is that?

Good question!

Lets say that you have contacted your ex boyfriend after your failed no contact rule and he has ignored you.

Well, rather than messaging him again the next day I would say jump back into no contact for a week and try again.

If you fail at getting his attention again after a week then go back into no contact for 2 weeks.

This trend continues over and over again until you get a response from him.


Still confused?

It’s ok, I understand I didn’t do a great job of explaining it.

Picture a running track,


Notice how on the running track picture above there are seven starting places (there are really eight but the eighth one is out of the picture so we won’t count it.)

Well, lets imagine that you have completed the no contact rule and not gotten a response from your ex. Well, then you are going to wait one week before you try to contact him again,


After you have waited one week in no contact then you simply “reach out” to him again. If he doesn’t respond to that “reach out” then you are going to go back into no contact for two weeks,


So, after two weeks you are going to reach out to your ex boyfriend. He will usually respond by now but lets assume that he doesn’t.

What now?

Simple, you are going to continued the staggered approach and go back into the no contact rule for three weeks.


Do you see what is going on now?

You basically continue this approach until you get a response from your ex.

Is There Ever An End To The Staggered Approach?

This is a legitimate question.

Initially I talk about how I recommend a 30 day no contact rule for women who are trying to get their ex boyfriends back.

Well, if you are holding true to this “staggered approach” of no contact then isn’t it possible that if your ex boyfriend decides not to respond to any of your attempts to reach out that you can surpass that 30 days?

Yes, that is possible.

However, 4 weeks is the maximum I would stay in this staggered approach.

Now, I am not some sort of math wiz but by my count if you reach weeks using this approach 6 weeks will have already passed. If you add an additional 4 from the four weeks you have ahead of you that means that 10 weeks will have gone by and you will have given your ex boyfriend plenty of opportunities to respond to your attempts to reach out.

I don’t know about you but that seems like a lot…

In that case (and only in that case) it may be time to admit defeat and focus your energies in recovering from the relationship.

Strategy Two- A Prolonged No Contact Rule

too long

Ah the prolonged no contact rule.

This is actually similar to strategy one above but with one main difference.

Instead of going with a staggered approach you are going to go with a prolonged approach.

What’s the prolonged approach?

I will get to that in a moment.

First things first, I need to do a quick recap of something important.

By this point of the guide you should know that a standard no contact rule is 30 days. That means that in a perfect world you will be ignoring your ex boyfriend for 30 days straight.

Of course, we are looking at a worst case scenario here where you did not last 30 days. Instead, you lasted something like 10 or 11 days before you broke NC (and then you tried finishing out the rest of the time in silence.)

Well, breaking the sacred bond of no contact like this pretty much defeats the entire purpose.

The Purpose- To use silence to make your ex boyfriend realize what he is missing out on and to kick start his feelings for you.

This purpose can only be achieved by complete silence.

That is what the prolonged strategy focuses in on.

So, rather than trying a staggered approach to the no contact rule (which is heavily focused on trying to get your ex boyfriend to respond to you) the prolonged approach is geared towards making him miss you.

Like I said above.

An initial no contact rule is meant to be implemented for 30 days.

The prolonged no contact rule is meant to be implemented for 45 days. This means that a prolonged no contact rule is longer than the actual no contact rule.

Now, some of you may read that and think to yourself,

“Is that enough time in no contact? I mean, there are NC rules that extend up to 90 days.”

While it is true that there are no contact rules that can be extended for up to 90 days I am not a fan of those type of prolonged periods.


I have found that there is a correlation between moving on and a super prolonged period of no contact.

While 45 days can be considered a lot it is nothing close to 90 days. I meant, 90 days is three months and A LOT can happen in three months.

45 days is a perfect prolonged period because it gives your ex boyfriend time to miss you and at the same time not enough time has gone by for him to lose feelings in you yet.

Strategy Three- It’s A Function Of Your Texts

Those of you who were smart enough to pick up my book,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Know that I have a very specific way that I like to teach women to reach out to their ex boyfriends after no contact.

Oftentimes when a woman comes to me after a failed no contact and asks me something like this,

“Chris, I texted my boyfriend after the no contact rule and he didn’t respond… Now what do I do?”

I ask them about the actual text that they sent.

Usually it is something along the lines of,



whats up

Umm… I hate to break it to you but these types of text messages aren’t good enough for contacting an ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.

Oftentimes I have found that 35% to 45% of no contact rules fail because the initial “reach out” text wasn’t good enough.

Look, I understand the temptation of not sending a good first contact text message after ignoring your ex boyfriend. Saying something like, “hey” or “what’s up” is safe. It doesn’t require a lot of thought and in the past your ex boyfriend responded to everything you sent him.

However, you have to keep in mind that if you used the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend you just ignored him (on purpose) for hopefully 30 days.

No one likes to be ignored…

Just sending him a message out of the blue is going to be a little awkward.

Sending him “hey” out of the blue like nothing even happened is even more awkward.

So, what I would like to do now is teach you my method for getting in touch with an ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.

So Interesting He Has No Choice But To Respond

I want you to take a look at something for me.

Screen Shot 2015-04-02 at 12.18.25 PM

Do you know what this is?

This is a small little screenshot of one tiny aspect of a redesign that Ex Boyfriend Recovery is going through.

Yup, I hired a designer to give this website a facelift and he is doing a fantastic job. The picture above is just his work with my email case study in which two women try to get their exes back (one succeeds and one fails.)

Anyways, take a look at the whole picture.

If you want your ex boyfriend back (which I am assuming you do) doesn’t it make you want to click on the “find out why…” button?

I showed it to my wife and even she admitted that she wanted to click on it.


Because it’s so interesting she wanted to find out what it was all about.

This is the kind of effect your first contact text message needs to have on your ex boyfriend.

It needs to be so interesting that he can’t not respond to it.

He will see it and be so intrigued by it that he will have to respond to your text message just to find out what you are going on about.

You want an example of how to do this, huh?

Ok, try this text message on for size.


It seems so simple, right?

It’s actually more complex than you realize.

If we dated in the past and you texted this to me after ignoring me for 30 days I would respond to it.


Because I am intrigued by it.

I am intrigued by the fact that you ignored me for that long and are reaching out to me for the first time. I am intrigued that you saw something and I want to know what it is.

These are the kinds of text messages that you are shooting for.

Any text message that is intriguing or interesting.

Got it?

Strategy Four- Moving On Without Moving On

get over it

Tell me if this sounds familiar.

Girl meets boy…

Girl and boy fall in love…

Boy breaks girls heart…

Girl begins to move on…

Once boy sees girl moving on he “miraculously” comes back into the picture…

Sound familiar?

To me it does.

I can’t tell you how many times I have stumbled across a situation just like the one described above through this site. Heck, even a podcast listener called in with a situation like this.

Men have this funny tendency to come back into the picture after women have moved on already.

Why is this?

Well, I don’t have exact statistics on this or anything but what I do have is a theory.

My Theory- After a breakup most women display a very needy persona. This needy persona is the exact opposite of what drew your ex boyfriend to you in the first place. Of course, after you have gotten over the breakup and moved on you are no longer displaying that needy persona. Instead, you are displaying a successful, happy and pleasant one. The are all things that attract a man. Hence, your ex boyfriend comes back into the picture.

I want you to remember this theory as it is going to come into play here in a second.

Obviously I have constructed this page around what to do if your no contact rule fails.

Well, instead of tinkering with the no contact rule what if you took the exact opposite approach and moved on without moving on.

What do I mean by that?

Move on without moving on is an idea I came up with that basically leverages my theory above.

The hypothesis that we are operating with is that if you “move on” you will display a persona that is attractive to your ex. So attractive in fact that he will come back into the picture.

It kind of jumps over the effectiveness of restarting the no contact rule, huh?

Now, before I move on to our final strategy I will admit that this particular strategy is a bit riskier than the others.


Because in order to “move on without moving on” you kind of have to go on a very extended no contact rule and by extended I mean forever…

Hey, I take moving on very seriously and you should too.

989 thoughts on “What To Do When The No Contact Rule Doesn’t Work”

  1. Avatar


    February 18, 2020 at 6:47 pm

    I texted him after 3 months of no contact and he said he wanted to know everything that happened in my life in the past 3 months, but I did not share everything in the beginning. He said one of his friends passed away and he went through a bad phase. From his texts I understood he wanted to share that with me., it lasted about 2 weeks. After that he stopped texting me, its been 4 days. Should I text him again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 20, 2020 at 11:01 pm

      Hi Nikky yes you need to reach out again when its been around 10 days with a text about something where you are asking for advice something you know he would be able to advise you on

  2. Avatar


    January 9, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    It has been over 30 and 90 days since me and my ex have had any type of conversation I did the no rule contact and like your articles here I’m reading yes the no contact rule have not worked I reached out and waited longer than two weeks still no reply I read and understand how it may work but in my case it has been nothing I’m about to literally move on since it seems easy for him to but before I just do completely not do just move on do you have any other examples to help me to get him to respond it worked the first time when we broke up but this time I really don’t see a respond a change or anything just asking cause I’m good with moving on myself b

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 7:09 pm

      Hey Chandra, so did you reach out with a text that Chris suggests? One that is focus on hooking his attention? Breaking a pattern? About his interest? There are many articles here about texting so make sure you read those before you reach out to your ex again so you are confident your first texting plan is strong

  3. Avatar


    December 31, 2019 at 4:26 am

    me and my ex broke up in may, we talked for a month after the breakup then i went no contact, without knowing what it was at the time, and at the very last week of nc i blocked him for a week and then unblocked him. in late july he began viewing my stories on instagram before he eventually followed me again a week later and messaged me on that same day. he said he missed me, was sorry for how he treated me and asked if i was willing to try us again, so i gave him another chance but only under the condition of talking about it and taking things slow. about a month has passed and he didn’t come through. another month and he didn’t come through or showed me that he’s changed. another month and nothing. last month i asked him if he what he said was true and he tried to avoid the question and eventually said it was a “weird situation.” so i went no contact on him again, i still had him on snapchat for about a week or so until i unadded him again and on instagram i removed him from my followers and blocked him for a day. he viewed my story on my birthday and christmas but never tried to contact me. lately he hasn’t really been “stalking” me anymore so i don’t know if it’s because he knows about the nc rule or if he genuinely moved on and lied to me. i still miss him and i’m angry but at the same time i want him to reach out again like before.. i honestly don’t know what to do and i felt like i had no other choice but to leave him alone.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 6:08 am

      Hi Dolores, so I’m wondering have you reached out at all as you have had a long time since the break up and have spent some time doing no contact even though you didnt know about it at the time? What work have you done during your break up to improve yourself? I would reach out to your ex and start a conversation if you have not had any interaction for at least 21 days now

  4. Avatar


    December 1, 2019 at 11:43 am

    My ex had a bad depression issue. And he broke up with me. We tried to work it. But 1 month ago he broke up with me saying he can’t do it. I make his depression worse. All I think I did was support him through out. But he blames me for everything that happened. I even begged him to come back. But he didn’t. It’s been one month since our breakup. Things have been really complicated. Sometimes we meet and he says he still loves me but can’t be with me because we complicated everything up. I thought of no contact period but we work at the same place. How to do the no contact thing when he basically sees me everyday?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 11:05 pm

      Hi Sarah, so sometimes people find it easier to blame the way they are feeling on someone, like your ex has to you, with you out of the picture and you doing your no contact to work on yourself. He is going to realise that you were not the issue and he is still depressed. What you may find is that you will take a long time to make progress with him until he is actually doing some positive work to help his mental state. So for now you need to No Contact and do the work that it takes to become ungettable. As for how to do this when you see each other every day, its called limited no contact where you only speak if it is essential, where you keep it strictly business and do not speak about emotions, the relationship or the break up

  5. Avatar


    November 12, 2019 at 1:46 pm

    He dumped me on November 1st. I begged repeatedly for about 2 hours (he stayed on the phone with me while I cried until he just hung up). I haven’t spoken to him since. I don’t want to, though I miss him a lot of the time. I’m not ready for him to come back. I woke up one morning and he had blocked me on some social media. So I blocked him on the rest of the social media’s and I blocked his number to stop the anxiety of hoping for a text to pop up from him. He owes me a lot of money (about £800) and it’s money I need back (he gets paid at the end of the month)… at the end of the money, how do I ask him for my money but in a way that doesn’t compromise his likelihood is coming back? I was planning on not talking to him for 60 days. A large part of me is really angry with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 7:46 pm

      So as you want the money back you need to unblock him ask for it directly, explaining you need it back. Then do not speak to him about anything else just go back into NC. It is not great that oyu have blocked him as if you want him to come back in the end you need to show him how indifferent you are by him leaving and how youre happy in your life right now

  6. Avatar


    November 2, 2019 at 4:37 pm

    I dont have him on social media unfortunately! When I got him to text me back initially I did so with something I knew would catch his eye but then he just…stopped. So it’s now been 2 texts he has not responded to. Any other tips?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 12:11 am

      Try one more time with a text that Chris calls a confession text, look for the the article or YouTube video where you can learn about the types of messages that get exes to reply

  7. Avatar


    October 30, 2019 at 4:06 am

    My ex and I split up in July. Did a month NC, texted back and forth, got him interested, and then he stopped responding. texted last week…nothing. Do I call him out on this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 12:37 pm

      Hi Jen, no you need to give him some time. SOMETIMES they back off because they start to feel old feelings which is where you need to stay calm and not appear as “needy” so up your social media UGness and do something you know he would have liked to have done. This may get him to reach out, if you done hear back from him within a week try again with a “you’ll never guess what I did” and tell him about an interesting activity or something he would think was interesting

  8. Avatar


    October 25, 2019 at 1:12 am

    I’m posting this in response to your “if you have any other reasons it didn’t work” comment. I “broke up” with my boyfriend a little over 2 months ago cause he was being the general disrespectful self he is and it was getting worse, plus 2 dates in a year so not much of a relationship for me and dating was one of my known expectations. At first I said nothing but then started the 30 day no contact rule. I made it through and texted him on Monday when he needed help with his new phone, I helped him because we have children so he needs a phone. I texted your awesome first texts after no contact (to test his phone), and he seemed thrilled and nicer. Anyway, today I was finishing the work on his phone and had lunch with him and saw a letter from his deceased grandma addressed to family, which I consider myself to be cause I’ve been with him 7 years, and he snapped “don’t read through my mail”. I lost my appetite, told him I felt disrespected and left, and he refused to apologize even though I did for reading his mail. I’m not sure whether to do the staggered or extended approach as the first no contact seemed to work until he did the thing I broke up with him for in the first place. So he didn’t change like I was really hoping for, because I love him and we have kids. Anyway, that’s my other reason it didn’t work, because he’s too stubborn to fix what’s wrong with us (Btw, he was the midcaller/ignorer type).

  9. Avatar


    October 15, 2019 at 6:14 pm

    We’ve been togther since a year. Initially he hurt me thrice but I let him in and gave him chances to work it out and he was pretty serious about us after that and then over a month we’ve been having fights about his insecurities regarding certain guys and the fact he wanted to make our relation public which I was never convinced of. Eventually we had a fight n he broke up with me and I told him I don’t mind doing anythin he says he’s like why now it’s too late. He told me to move on. During the first week of our breakup I kept tryna contact him go to his house n meet him and leave in messages n he said he wants his space and he’s getting annoyed with the things I’ve been doing. And eventually he called me once in between coz he said he’d call and after I though things were normal so I tried reaching out too but he again told me to stop calling and rach ain’t out to him coz he needs space and his parents have become strict regarding him being on calls. And after that I decided to apply the NCR and try taht it’s been awhile he hasn’t contacted. Now he feels he’s gonna move out fo the city in few months to study there and he thinks it’s best for us not to be togther and concentrate on his career as our fights were effecting that and he didn’t want to risk that. But it’s very unlikely of him to even breakup with me coz he always told me not to give up on him or leave him and thsi happened suddenly. All my friend told me he’s very firm about his decision he might not come back and he wouldn’t hurt you so much n be so rude if it wasn’t the case. The fact that he told me we need to learn to live without each other and move scares me as I feel the NCR might fail coz he’s using this space to get over me. How do I get things right and him back when he’s so firm with his decision if we not getting back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2019 at 8:33 pm

      Hi kiara, so you need to start with completing a NC and making sure that you work on yourself in that time so when you reach out again youre happier and more confident in yourself. You need to make sure that you become the best version of yourself. Hes firm on his decision as hes not long made that choice give him some time to miss you

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    August 30, 2019 at 1:24 am

    Hyy I am trupti.me and my boyfriend has a relationship of 3 years physical and mentally we are close but he break up with me because of my religion.we had agrument etc I used no contact rule then for 30 days but he still didn’t contact to me.i can’t live without him please help me so that he would come back to me forever please help

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    July 7, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    My ex bf broke up with me 5 months ago, i begged him so much since then but he never returned and once he told me that he lost interest over the relationship before 4 months, it really broke my heart .
    “He wants a girl who is independent, of course i am .. we are all in fact. But in love we want them always that doesn’t mean that we are dependent its just love and these guys never understand that anyway.”
    Coming to the no contact rule i did that many times and broke it too,but he just never responded. He is not following me on Instagram too.
    I moved from that city after the graduation now i’m in a different country(Long distance). I’m not using any social media now, because i don’t want to be a stalker, literally. After a 2 month of complete NO contact i texted him to see what he’s up to. He replied to me but was mean and did not show any interest in me . He actually made me feel that he completely forgot about me and he did not miss me even a bit.(by asking me which country i was living in.. which i’m sure that he knows it well.) After getting hurt by his behaviour, i replied to him that there was” no need to show such attitude, i’m over you and you were just an experience to me, chill” (in a funny way.)
    Do you think that No contact period will work?(He is a very stubborn person)

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    July 3, 2019 at 2:33 pm

    hey chris tnx for ur great article , after ending NC period is my ex’s birthday . do u think is it good initiate to text my ex for that ?

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    April 27, 2019 at 9:20 am

    I’m a man but thought you could help my gir left after almost 6 years no real reason but I was pretty clingy because she worked late and everyday off she spent with her friends, the week before she picked out an engagement ring I brought the night before she was upset and she has suffered from depression because of her child hood but she had a break down the night before she hadn’t had one in a while so I asked what was wrong and if it was us she swore over her dads life it wasn’t and it was just the same things after I calmed her down she was still a bit upset she went with her friends for a drive to have a smoke come back and it was like she didn’t want to talk to me, we were lying in bed and I went to get up to go to the lounge room to watch tv but she begged me to stay in bed and cuddle so I did and she said good night I love you the next day around 8pm she text whilst at work and says she’s done, that was 6 weeks ago yeah I begged for a few days for a second chance after about a week she came to speak to me about it but she didn’t really say much I asked if we were done I said I understood the reasons but did understand why she never wanted to try fix things and she said she did I said no you didn’t come to me once and say there was problems and she said I know we didn’t really say much about our problems and she was sorry and I said to her are we done for good she said for now yes. We went out the back for a smoke with our dogs who we both love very much then she got up went inside to our room and stared at things cried and walked out and left. Couple weeks went on I hadn’t contacted her again so I’ve been no contact for 5 weeks I had to break it a couple times because she asked to come grab some over her clothes and some stuff she needed there is still a lot of stuff at home of hers, and she messaged me twice about it my messages back were just blunt yeah and that’s fine, skip couple weeks I get a message saying people have been telling her I said she is coming back but I actually never said that to anyone at all and she asked me not to see her family which o did see a couple of them because they are and were a big part of my life, but I replied I promise I didn’t say that and yeah that’s fine I won’t see them any more and she also said I hadn’t left her alone but I have so i was a bit cofused from that, she also said in the message she isn’t coming back so stop telling people that but like I said I actually hadn’t told anyone she was coming back, so now I’m just stuck on what to do since that message which was 6 days ago I havnt messaged again or she hasn’t what do I do from this point on? When my no contacted is pretty much finished? I’m worried if I do leave it much longer she will move on and it is very hard not to see her in public but when o do she just looks straight past me like I’m a stranger we have argued or anything so it didn’t really end ok bad terms so I don’t get why she’s acting like this and the way she’s gone about it it honestly doesn’t come across like she isnt doing it like it’s soneone else if that makes sense please help????

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    April 5, 2019 at 6:14 am

    My ex and I have been dating for 1 year then we broke up. It was his idea. After the break up, his parents has come up to me for a few times to ask me to find him, but I applied no contact rule.
    I waited for 5 months then contacted him. I asked him to hang out during Christmas but he rejected me. So I applied no contact again for another 3 months then contacting him and his parents again. He has agreed to meet up with me once but with a common friend. Later on he said he does not love me so he can’t even be friends with me. His parents also asked me to move on. I tried to contact him again but he was firm that he won’t hang out with me again. Should I apply no contact again?
    I have applied no contact for 8 months in total. However within that 8 months I have went on rebound for 3 months.
    What do you think?
    PS: I have tried to move on so I have just contacted my ex ex ex boyfriend who I have applied 6 years of no contact. But he ignored me too. Seems like no contact does not work?

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    February 12, 2019 at 12:11 pm

    My bf of almost 6 years broke up with me, now he is going around chatting to other girls and adding every girl on facebook. He goes out with his friends and it’s like he has forgotten about me. We used to talk after the break up but he would always be distant and mean. I started the no contact rule today and it has been hard. He initially broke up with me because he felt I was breaking him down and being controlling. Do you think the no contact rule will work?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 13, 2019 at 12:45 am

      Hi Carla!

      6 years is solid traction and roots get laid down and that can come into play later. He may be in some form of denial. Guys usually have a delayed reaction to a breakup..hits them later. I do think NC is a good choice going forward. Take a look at my 485 page eBook, “EBR PRO” as it will walk you through the whole process!

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    February 12, 2019 at 4:32 am

    I’ve been involved with what a lot people would consider a “fWB” situation for 5 years off and on. However, we walk my dogs often go for breakfast, met each others friends/parents ect. When things start to get serious he tells me he’s too busy for a relationship and refuses to offer anything more. I said I respected his wishes and deleted him from social media and implemented no contact ( I have done no contact in the past and failed it a few times) no contact now for 26 days, feeling discouraged. I feel as though he’s just letting me move on and won’t contact, any words of encouragement since we never had an “official” relationship. Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 13, 2019 at 12:53 am

      Hi Alycia!

      Just stay the course and make sure you are implementing NC correctly. If you have my Program, be sure to read up on how to lift yourself up emotionally as that is the number 1 goal in NC!

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    February 11, 2019 at 6:47 pm

    This didn’t work. I reached out after a month he responded then started acting distant again when I said i would like to still be friends. I reached out a couple weeks ago again and he ignored me. I did a final text asking a question about something he knew about and he ignored me. He clearly doesnt care and wants me to leave him alone! I ended it 2 months ago because it wasn’t going anywhere.
    Now the reality of it is he really doesn’t care and never really did!! Any feedback would be appreciated.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 11, 2019 at 11:28 pm

      Hi Valerie…Sometimes despite your best efforts, things won’t work out as planned. One way of looking at it is its his loss and you have many reward paths ahead of you to explore.

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    February 1, 2019 at 9:10 pm


    Quick question. He broke up with me because I’m a single mom and he wasn’t ready to be a dad yet. We agreed at the time to be friends because as he says he still loves me, just can’t be the man that I need (a father, which I told him I didn’t need that and he agreed but this was a non-negotiable deal). I’m trying so hard to do no contact but he’s been helping me around the house with stuff that I desperately need help with and after asking friends for over a year, he’s the only one that helped, which is why we started dating in the first place. I have broken no contact once but he hasn’t reached out at all. Is no contact something that is actually going to work because I desperately need his help around the house? We didn’t break up because of fighting or arguments, he is just not ready to take on a family and he told me he is scared of that. HELP!

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    January 2, 2019 at 7:43 am

    I’m confused. He broke up with me after a 2-month relationship. It was quite amicable when we parted ways. 24 days of NC, I got his friend to pass him a Christmas gift. He texted me on the same night (19 Dec) to thank me for the gift. He texted me again on Christmas Eve to send me a greeting. I tried to continue the conversation but he didn’t seem keen to talk to me. I reached out to him on New Year’s Day to send him a greeting. He replied, but after I continued to tell him about a musical I felt he might be interested in, I didn’t receive a reply thereon. Is there still hope in this relationship? I don’t wish to give up just yet, but I’m not sure what I should/should not do anymore. I’d be glad to hear from you. Thank you.

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    December 16, 2018 at 12:14 pm

    I have a problem. My ex broke up with me 2,5 weeks ago out of the blue, saying he does not love me anymore. I am doing no contact since 10 days now (he did not text me yet). Anyways, We were having a long distance relationship for 3 years but the distance never mattered (we were really really close). we always talked about the long distance time as a transition period, about moving in together, marrying and telling our kids about our two homes and skype calls..
    Since its almost christmas, and were both from the same hometown, I know he’ll be at his parents house during christmas. I planned to contact him right after and wanted to ask whether we could meet up. I feel like this is the “only” chance right now to see him again and engage in a physical conversation with him due to the long-distance problem.
    I still have some things on my mind which I would like to clarify with him about the break-up & our relationship.. should I do it when I see him? Or should I just have a normal chat with him?
    because if he does not want me back I will regret if I did not say anything..
    Furthermore, I am still thinking about how to write him that I want to meet up without making it sound .. negative? if that makes sense.
    Hope to hear from you soon!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 16, 2018 at 4:19 pm

      Hi Angela!

      Its best if you proceed forward with an ex recovery plan. Usually best to start off with text communications leading up to a meetup after your No Contact.

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