Ah, the no contact rule!  When to use it.  When not to use it. And how to use it!  That last one is probably the most important thing you need to learn.

Quite frankly, for some situations, when the no contact rule doesn’t work, it’s because how it was used.

Did you know that the NC principle is looked at as a religion here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.  And this is mainly because when you use the No Contact Rule correctly on your ex boyfriend, the results can be amazing for the two of you, particularly for your emotional health.

But there are times when you should NOT use the no contact rule on your boyfriend and if you don’t heed my advice, you may end up causing more damage to the already struggling relationship.

Today we are going to explore why the No Contact Rule does not work for some people and when it does work, what are the necessary conditions that should be in place.

We are also going to take a look at when the no contact rule backfires, how you should handle it. It doesn’t usually happen, but when the NC rule fails, you need to ask yourself why and what you expected to get out of it.

In my book, the No Contact Rule seldom fails if you think about how it can benefit you in so many ways.  Remember, it not just about getting your ex boyfriend back.  NC plays a huge role in you getting back your confidence, self-esteem, and sense of dignity.  Never forget that a big component of this principle is your self recovery!

Should You Use The No Contact Rule or Should You Avoid It Like A Plague!

If you take some time to look around the site you will notice that every single article I have written that is based on the no contact rule has hundreds (and sometimes thousands) of comments from women.  And many of these ladies are interested in the “how long” question.

The timing of when you should apply the No Contact Rule for your situation is critical.  How long you do it for and whether you can end it sooner than planned are very popular questions.

Often times the comments go something like this:

“Chris, my ex and I broke up last month.  Is it still too late to do the no contact rule?”


“Chris, I am trying out the no contact rule but his birthday falls on that date. Am I allowed to wish him a happy birthday.  Does that mean I need to end NC, then start it up again?”

or my personal favorite:

“Can you tell me what dictates “breaking” the no contact rule. I think I may have broken it…”

Guess what? If you are asking that then you probably did break it!

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7 Situations When You Probably Shouldn’t Use the No Contact Rule on Your Ex Boyfriend

So let’s start first with when you really shouldn’t even try using the NC rule.  In fact, it is really less of a rule and more of principle and sometimes it just doesn’t make sense to use this strategy on your ex boyfriend.  So let’s discuss seven situations where you should think twice before instituting this concept.

1. The Relationship With Your Ex Boyfriend Has Been Very Lengthy and Successful

When you and your ex have a long history together and you both have been happy with each other, with minimal fights, that would suggest you both have put down some powerful relationship roots.  Sure, you might need some space from each other.  That approach could be very beneficial.  But if you were to implement No Contact fully, it is bound to backfire.

2. You Are Living Together and Have a Child

One of the most challenging things in life is raising a child together at the same time you are trying to work through relationship conflicts.  So it is understandable if couples have problems that get magnified because of the stresses in their life.  Often these spats and temporary breakups have a very short life.  Using the No Contact rule requires evaluating the full scope of what has happened in the past and present and the couple’s prospects for the future.  If you have a kid together, I would caution you about doing anything that will create more division.  Keeping the communication channel open (even if its limited) is often the best strategy.

3. It Is Your First Breakup With This Guy

Once again, it is important to get a full read of the relationship landscape with your ex boyfriend before you decide to ghost him or just do a radio silence number on him.  If this is the first breakup test for the relationship, then you should err on the side of avoiding initiating the No Contact Rule.  Whatever led to the collapse of your connection may not be serious enough to go this route.  The NC rule is often best used in very toxic situations and unless this falling out has gotten real ugly, just keep this tactic in your pocket.  You can always deploy it later if communications are not re-established and things are worsening.

4. Don’t Use No Contact If You are Acting out of Anger

Make no mistake, when you and your boyfriend split up, you are likely going to be mad, possibly really angry.  You may feel so bitter that you will immediately seek for a way to teach him a lesson.  So what better lesson can you teach your “good for nothing” ex than just never speaking with him again, ever.  This is what anger can do to us.  It can cause us to to say and do very stupid things.  So don’t make a decision as important as this out of passion.  It seldom leads anywhere good.

5. Don’t Allow Your Impulsive Nature Cut Your Ex Boyfriend Completely Out of Your Life

When we are upset, we do things impulsively and if your ex bf has disappointed you, there may be a part of you that wants nothing to do with him.  You may immediately come to believe that he is not worth having around so cutting your ex out may come easy at first.  So when the no contact rule doesn’t work because you were impulsive, don’t be surprised because you are doing it for the wrong reasons and in the wrong way.

6. If You Initiated The Breakup With You Ex, Think Twice About Using No Contact

While the NC rule has great applicability to many situations, it is probably gets the least results when you are the one that initiated the breakup and dumped your ex boyfriend.  He already feels rejected and signing up for a long period of no communications of any kind with him is likely not going to help your cause.  This is very much the case if you are sure you want him back.   Now if you left him because things were toxic, then putting some space and distance between the two of you may be called for.  But never think that no contact should always immediately follow a breakup.  It may not be called for at all or a form of limited contact may be in order.

7. If You Are Uncertain and Have Serious Doubts About The Breakup, Then Take A Time Out

It may be that you are really unsure about what has transpired.  Both you and your ex bf may be seriously questioning whether this breakup is the real deal.  Maybe you just needed a day or two to emotionally reset.  Sometimes, just giving each other some space for a few days, then slowly resuming contact is a wiser course of action.


10 Situations Where Using the No Contact Rule Makes A lot of Sense

Let’s now talk about those cases in which it makes a lot of sense to seriously consider implementing the NC rule.   So while not every one of these situations will necessarily result in the you implementing the principle, more often that not, it will do you good in these situations.

  1. Your ex boyfriend left you and made it clear it was over and claims he doesn’t want to see you again.
  2. You discovered that your ex bf was cheating on you.
  3. The relationship with your boyfriend has been toxic in many ways and this has been going on for several months.
  4. You and your boyfriend have experienced a series of breakups and the relationships seems to be getting worse.
  5. Your ex has been emotionally abusive and then dumped you in the cruelest way.
  6. You feel very unhappy and have yet to recover from the pain of the breakup and your ex bf has given you zero support.
  7. Its been a few weeks already with no sign of your ex boyfriend showing any interest in you.
  8. You find yourself in a cycle of constantly texting him and he has yet to respond to any of your texts.
  9. Your boyfriend has specifically asked you that he needs space and has shown signs of pulling away from the relationship.
  10.  You boyfriend did something from each of the above, in which case go directly into NC and forget about him.

Dispelling 5 Top Myths About Using the No Contact Rule

For all the years I have been doing this, I have had to dispel a lot of rumors about the No Contact Rule and what it is used for and how it works and what it can and can’t do for you.  So let’s talk about the top 5 myths surrounding the NC rule.

1. It Always Works

While implementing this principle can do so many positive things for you, it cannot guarantee your ex boyfriend will come running back to you.  First of all, it’s hard to implement, so while the idea of the concept is solid, it is not easy for people to follow its guidelines perfectly. And even it you did everything right, making all the right decisions along the way, you can still be left wondering what happened with what you thought was the dream man for your life.

2. The No Contact Rule Is All About Getting Your Ex To Come Back To You

This may be one of the biggest myths of them all.  It turns out, using NC rule to get him back is probably the least impactful thing about this principle.  The part that I believe can have positive life changing consequences is the self recovery process.  Learning more about who you are and what you want and picking yourself up and loving yourself fully and becoming the Ungettable Girl…these are just a few of the self recovery aspects associated with the No Contact Rule.

3. It Always Makes Him Miss You

While it certainly can make your man miss you and think about you constantly, it is not solely designed to do this.  And sometimes, it falls short of this expectation.  Instead of missing you, your ex could be out there just partying it up.  And the more he feels ignored, the more he is going to show you how he doesn’t need you.  This can happen, though it is not often that men behave in this way.  Indeed, if your ex boyfriend is incapable of truly missing you, then it shows he either doesn’t value you or is just a rotten kind of guy.

4. Once You Start It You Can’t Break It

This is of course is a big fallacy.  The way I see it, the no contact rule is best employed when it can be adapted for each individual situation.  Sometimes it works to modify your approach, breaking your code of silence, if the right circumstances present themselves.  I discuss this at length in my ebook The No Contact Rule Book!

5.  It Has To Be 30 Days Long

No it doesn’t.  Your No Contact period can be any number of days, though I have found the best results when it runs 21 to 45 days.  But there have been times when I recommended 14 days or just get away from each other for a few days.  So there is no magic number that you must adhere to at all costs.

Why Is This NC Rule So Confusing and Complicated!

The no contact rule is a relatively simple idea at first, but gets progressively more complex as you peel the layers back.

For example, the general premise of the no contact rule states that you are supposed to ignore an ex in just about every way for 21-45 days straight.

(Note: The length of the no contact rule can be modified, but I like to recommend a 30 day rule for most folks!)

It’s a simple idea, right?

I mean, you just carve out a block of time and ignore him.

Simple as that!

Umm…. actually it’s not that easy.

What if you find yourself in the following situations?

  • You Live With An Ex
  • You Go To Work or School With Him
  • You Share Children Together
  • HE Becomes A Text Gnat And Seems Unstable
  • He Wants To Pick Up His Things (Or You Need To From Him)

All of a sudden this really easy idea becomes quite complicated.

So what I am going to do next is teach you exactly what to do in all of the above situations.

Hint Hint… You cannot always do a strict no contact rule.

8 Must Know Rules Of Using No Contact Rule In The Proper Way

grammatical errors

When I first started Ex Boyfriend Recovery I was very cerebral in my thinking.

In other words, I was book smart but I wasn’t street smart.

As a result, the advice I gave women was good, but it could have been better as I hadn’t seen enough cases to evaluate all the possibilities. Now that I am several years into dealing with breakups, I can honestly say that the advice I offer now isn’t only better but it’s more complete and informative.

You often hear the ex recovery experts out there preach the strictness that goes along with the no contact rule.

What do I mean by that?

“Make sure you DO NOT break the no contact rule under any circumstances.”

I was actually guilty of this in the very early days.

Well, I will say this about my advice in those instances.

I was mostly right, but not right along the margins.

There are some instances where holding true to the no contact rule is a bad idea. In other words, you have to bend the no contact rule a little bit to suit your needs.

1. Recognize There Are Complexities In Getting An Ex Back


How often have you heard me say this phrase?

“No two “ex” situations are alike.”

There has probably never been a truer phrase that I have muttered in my time on this earth than that phrase above.

In all my years doing this the one big epiphany I have had is that every situation I encounter is unique and may require different tactics to succeed. Heck, there are some situations that are doomed to fail no matter what you do.

This upsets me because I honestly just want to help everyone who needs it and the thought that I might fail you at times is disheartening.

So, I guess I am fighting a losing battle in that sense since this is such a complex process.

Nevertheless, I am all about improving YOUR odds so you can succeed in the end and I intend on searching for answers for the rest of my life if I have to, to improve your odds dramatically.

Here is what I have picked up in my “journey” so far.

Getting an ex boyfriend back is one of the most challenging processes and is reliant on many factors that are difficult to predict.

You are attempting to do one of the more difficult things on earth!

Changing a man’s mind that is already made up.

And the no contact rule may be the best ammunition you have for this fight. So what happens when you are faced with a situation where you can’t do the no contact rule or you are not sure how it will work in your situation?

Do you just give up?

I think not.  You recognize the challenge and roll up your sleeves and get the best information available and get to work.

2. The Secret To Making No Contact Work Is About Adaptation and Perseverance


If you want to persevere with the no contact rule in a situation where it looks like you won’t get far, then you have to be willing to adapt.

You see, adaptation is your key to success.

It is the thing that sets the unsuccessful women apart from those ladies who are able to rebuild the connection with their ex boyfriend.

Well, that and the fact that the women who actually listen to my advice always seem to do better in the end as well!

Below I have compiled a list of the most common situations where no contact seems impossible,

  • You Live With An Ex
  • You Go To Work or School With Him
  • You Share Children Together
  • HE Becomes A Text Gnat And Seems Unstable
  • He Wants To Pick Up His Things (Or You Need To From Him)

Most women who are faced with these situations fail because they think that utilizing the no contact rule is impossible. What they fail to realize is that this concept is not impossible.  Indeed, it is almost necessary for most given its many benefits. It just simply requires a few adaptations for some.

So, what I am going to do for you is go through each of these situations one by one and explain the adaptations, alterations and tweaks that I recommend for each situation.

Sound like a plan?

Good, because that leads to our 3rd must know lesson!

3. How To Handle NC When You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

cat dog

It’s kind of hard to implement not talking, texting, or communicating in any way with your ex if  your significant other lives with you.

So, rather than admitting defeat and just scrapping the no contact rule you should abide by the follow rules if you find yourself in this situation,

  • Don’t initiate any conversations unless absolutely necessary
  • If he instigates a conversation about your job or some other topic, just be somewhat pleasant, but don’t  linger in a conversation too long.
  • Any chance you get you should end the conversation, particularly if he started it.  Don’t do it abruptly, just fade out of the convo.

What is the point of doing this?

He needs to feel like there is a definite difference between the normal you that he is so used to and the post breakup you.

Now, you may be wondering where I came up with these rules.

Well, the truth is that I came up with them as a result of my wife.

Allow me to explain.

Obviously my wife and I live together, so we have become pretty used to each other.

We both know what each other is like when we are in good moods, bad moods and eh moods.

If I notice that my wife is really quiet or non responsive,then I immediately think to myself:

“I wonder what’s wrong?”

It is at this point that I pry and probe:

“Hey, is everything ok?”

Usually I will get a candid sounding response like:

“Yup, everything is fine.”

Now, do I believe her?



Because I am used to her normal behavior and her normal behavior isn’t quiet and distant.  Rather it’s bubbly and talkative.

So, what do you think I do next?

Well, much to her annoyance I try to start fixing a problem that I have no knowledge of. This puts me in a position where I am chasing her trying to gain her approval. It is a position that many of the women on this site would love to see their ex boyfriends do.

This is why, when you live with your ex, you need to show them  that things aren’t OK.  That the relationship is not in a good place.  That things between the two of you are far from optimal.

There definitely has to be some type of difference between you before and after the breakup if you live together in order to coax out some potential solutions.  Though admittedly, this is short term tactic because it is very difficult for a couple to remain together, living under the same roof, if they are still in breakup mode.

4. Make the No Contact Period A Problem or Challenge Your Ex Boyfriend Must Solve

I am not a construction expert.

I haven’t built a house and I don’t know how to fix cars.

But, as a man, I like to think I do.

There is no way in hell that I would ever be able to, but I like to think I can.

So, when it comes to putting things together, I am always the first person in line to attempt it. For example, I recently put together a TV stand for a new TV I bought. The idea of solving a problem like putting together a new stand was very intriguing to me.

5 hours later… it wasn’t so intriguing.

(Seriously, it took me 5 hours.)

Here is my point, I am a man and I like to solve problems. It makes me feel accomplished and smart.

This principle isn’t just true of physical problems like putting together a TV stand.

It is also true of emotional ones like trying to figure out what is bothering my wife and helping people in their darkest moments when it comes to relationships (Ex Boyfriend Recovery.)

This isn’t a trait that I just have.

ALL MEN like to solve problems, they just don’t always know it.

So, the idea behind the no contact rule (like the situation above while living together) is to give your ex a problem to solve so you can position him in an area where he is going to be forced to gain your approval to fix the problem.

Here’s a quick recap of how you are supposed to use no contact to do that (if you live together.)

5. How Does NC Rules Work If You Go To Work Or School With Him


This is another one of those situations where you can’t really use the no contact rule in the fullest way you would prefer.

However, what am I teaching you in this article?

Just because you can’t use it fully, doesn’t mean you can’t adapt it to your advantage.

So, how do we alter the no contact rule to our advantage in these cases.

Well, before we get to that I think it is important to mention that work and school are two different entities and within those entities are different challenges.

What the heck do I mean by that?

Lets take work as an example.

There are different types of work. For example, if you have a summer job where you work with your ex then that isn’t going to be the same as having a career where you are going to see your ex boyfriend five days a week.

School also has different entities associated with it

High school versus college for example.

So, what I would like to do now is take these different entities and explain how the no contact rule has to be altered to fit the needs of each individual situation.

Before I get started I am going to give you a quick run down on topics I will be covering and how No Contact Rule might work for each of these.


  • High School
  • College


  • Part Time Job
  • Career

Lets start with school first!

How Do You Implement the No Contact Rule If You Are In School School Together?

In my opinion the differences between high school and college present a big enough difference to warrant a divide.

So, obviously I am going to be talking about the changes you have to make during your period of no contact in each of these cases.

Lets start with high school.

NC If You Are In High School

High school has it’s advantages and disadvantages.

Lets focus on the negative first.

The biggest disadvantage that follows high school is the fact that your opportunity to see your ex boyfriend is higher than it would be in college. With college you are often running from building to building, taking different classes. With high school, while you may be taking different classes, you may be in the same building a lot of the time.

Now, an advantage that goes along with the no contact rule in high school is the fact that I haven’t met many high school students who have been able to successfully implement it. So, your ex boyfriend won’t know what hit him when you do try it on him.  He may just think you are acting unusually cold which really doesn’t serve your purposes.  There is little mystery to what is happening.

So, how do you navigate a NC situation if you go to high school with him?

Simple, avoid him as much as possible but don’t be obvious about it. If he tracks you down or if you are forced to talk to him make sure you aren’t rude to him.  Dazzle your ex boyfriend with kindness they say. The no contact rule isn’t about being mean (though some aspects of it may seem that way.) Our goal here isn’t to alienate him enough to where he hates you.

So, what do you do if he walks up to you in class and asks you why you are ignoring him?

I want you to look at him with a smile and repeat the following,


The smile is the important part so don’t forget that.  Maybe even a hug.  That will throw him off too!

You want to be short with him but not mean which is actually a pretty hard thing to accomplish if you think about it because we automatically assume that someone is mad with us if they are short with us.

That is actually why having a pleasant and happy demeanor is so important.

Anyway, other than the situations where you are forced to communicate with him, the no contact rule pretty much remains the same.

Don’t contact him..

Don’t respond to him…

Do this for 30 days and then you can begin the process outlined in The No Contact Rule Book.

Lets turn our attention to college.

How Does it Work If You Are In College?

What is the main difference between an ex in college versus one in high school?


An ex boyfriend who you have dated through college has probably seen more when it comes to relationships and you have to use this to your advantage.

So, what happens to men when they have seen a lot in relationships?

They get paranoid.

Let me give you an example.

A man who was in a relationship with a girl who cheated on him is most likely going to be paranoid that his next girlfriend will do the same to him.

Use his paranoia to your advantage.

How do you do that?

Through jealousy!

Since you are in college I am going to assume that you are going to be taking a class together.

So, lets say that you walk into class one day and you completely ignore your ex and you start talking to some other guy that sits near you.

You lightly touch this new guy…

You laugh at his jokes…

But most importantly it’s not obvious what you are doing.

It seems natural.

Trust me when I say that your ex is going to take notice.

Especially if it’s right after the breakup.

What’s the point of doing this?

It’s to serve as a gentle reminder at what he’s losing out on and boy is it effective if you can pull it off.

Again, if he tries to talk to you apply the same rules as above in that you are pleasant but very short.

Also, one thing I forgot to mention above was the fact that the second he gives you an opportunity to exit the conversation you take it.

You do this for 30 days straight and then attempt to get him back via the methods in PRO.

How Does No Contact Work If you Work Together?

There are a lot of women who visit this site that wonder what they should do with regards to the no contact rule if they work with their ex. In fact, I received a voice mail today for my new podcast, The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast asking this very question (EBR 009 if you are interested.)

A lot of the rules for work are similar to school but there are a few minor differences.

But before we get into that lets take a look at the two different categories of work,

  1. Part Time Jobs
  2. Careers

Lets start with number one!

Part Time Jobs and NC

I look at this as any type of job that you won’t see your ex five days a week like you would with a career.

Think of a summer job for a kid in high school or just a job on the side to pick up some extra cash.

The biggest positive that goes along with a part time job is that the job only requires some of your time so it makes the no contact rule slightly more effective because you won’t have to see your ex all the time.

Again, the same rules apply as above (upbeat, positive, short, exit the conversation the first chance you get.)

There really isn’t anything much to add here. Just treat a part time job like you would a college NC alteration.

Where things get really interesting is in careers.

That is where you have to make some serious alterations to the no contact rule.

Careers and NC

A career is a job that you will be at for many years and it is looked at as a full time job where you will have to see your ex boyfriend a minimum of five days a week.

Obviously doing the no contact rule at work is going to be extremely tough, so you are going to have to adopt a form of limited contact.

In other words, the rules of no contact still apply but since you are going to be forced to talk with your ex (since you see him 5 days a week) you are going to have to figure out exactly how to approach conversations with him.

I like recommending keeping things strictly about business.

In other words, if you worked at a balloon shop:


(Hey, I am trying to keep things interesting don’t hate.)

If you worked at a balloon shop then try to keep all forced conversations about balloons. In the unlikely case he brings up your relationship be short with him.  Work and relationship talk during this breakup phase rarely mix well.  So avoid it.

One word or brief answers work wonders here.

However, you need to be very careful in how you communicate.

  • If you look depressed, angry and sad then your one word answer is going to be taken as negative.
  • If you look happy, upbeat and bubbly then your one word answer is going to be taken more positive and maybe perplexing

This is the important part.

Brief answers are indicative of when something is wrong.


You want it in a positive manner (hence the happy, upbeat and positive stuff I said above) but you also want him to think in the back of his head:

“Hey there is a problem with her.”  


Remember what I said above about men wanting to fix problems?

Yup, this plays right into that.

Also, really work hard to sprinkle some jealousy into the environment. The combination of these can be very powerful during limited contact.

6. How Does the No Contact Rule Work If You Share Children Together?


Another situation that I would like to talk about today is if you have children together.

Obviously you can’t do the no contact rule if you have to communicate with your ex over the kids.

So, what alterations do you need to make in this instance?

Lets give an example to further explore what should be done.

Mary and Mike have one child together and they just broke up. Mary took the child and is living with her parents right now. She would also like to use the no contact rule on Mike but she isn’t sure on how to approach it when she has to communicate with him over their child.

What should she do?

Well, lets look at her situation this way.

Can she still use the no contact rule on Mike?

In some aspects she can.

She is living with her parents so she can use the no contact rule in some respects with not contacting and seeing her ex.

But what if he sends her this text message one day?


Obviously, Jake is the child that Mike and Mary share.

So, what should Mary do?

Should her child suffer the wrath of no contact?

Of course not.

No, in this case Mary is allowed to break the no contact rule to talk about topics concerning the child.




As long as it’s about Jake (the child) Mary can break the no contact rule to communicate.

This brings up an interesting question though.

Can Mary branch out to topics outside of her child?

No, any time she breaks her no contact rule it has to strictly be about her child and that’s it. If she talks about the weather, the amazing game last night or something that reminded her of Mike then that is considered a breach of the no contact rule and you will incur the wrath of me.

And you don’t want to incur my wrath!

Jennifer Chris W-121-X2

(Hey don’t judge, they told us to glare in the picture….)

One last note about no contact with kids before I move on to our next scenario.

You will find that since you are forced to communicate a bit more with your ex during NC in this situation. The chances of having him bring up the past relationship are slightly more likely.

What should you do if this happens?

I am so glad you asked!

Don’t talk about your relationship at all until after the no contact rule.

Again, you can find out how to do this correctly with Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

So, how do you fend off his questions about your relationship?

Well, you can always refer to the working together section above on one word or brief responses.  Or you can say one of my favorite phrases:

“I am not in the mood to talk about that right now.”

Both are equally effective!

7.  Turn Your Ex Into A Text Gnat (In A Good Way)

This site has becomes famous in underground circles and as a result a lot of the ideas I have presented on it have gone viral.

One of those ideas has been the idea of a text gnat.

What is a text gnat?

Look at the graphic below,

text gnat

The serious of messages above are synonymous with a text gnat.

When women do this to men it is almost equivalent to having an annoying gnat buzz around your head and no matter how many times you try to swat it away it just keeps on buzzing around.

Hence the name, text gnat.

Now, when it comes to Ex Boyfriend Recovery I am usually talking about “text gnats” with regards to crazy women alienating their ex boyfriend.

In fact, I don’t think I have ever talked about crazy men text gnatting women who have done the no contact rule on them.

Gnatting does work both ways after all.

So, what happens if you use the no contact rule on an ex boyfriend and he texts you the following series of text messages seven days into NC?

good gnat

Most experts will have you believe that you should continue your no contact period if this happens.

Well, I am not like most experts.

You have to remember that the main reason that you are doing NC in the first place is to get your ex back and if he is begging for you back you have already won!

You accomplished your goal.


So, do you break no contact right there and then and have the happy reunion that you so desperately want?

No, don’t get ahead of yourself yet.

Your ex boyfriend would be expected to send some positive gnat messages in one day or over the course of the week for you to break NC off early.

So, if he sends you some text messages (begging for you back) and and perhaps he calls you as well, then that would demonstrate a positive trend  and you can break NC off early to discuss his terms of reinstatement.

What About Negative Gnatting?

Now, you may be sitting there and wondering:

“Chris, what if I have already achieved the “multiple positive actions” but they were all negative?”

Well, if that’s the case then I have some bad news for you.

You won’t be able to end your no contact period early.


Lets say that your ex boyfriend has sent you ten text messages all with one common theme, they are all negative.

They all look like this:

apike message

If your ex boyfriend tries to send a text message like this to you he is trying to illicit a reaction out of you.

Don’t give it to him.

I liken this to a reaction a child would have if it isn’t getting it’s way.

I mean, we aren’t here to re-enforce bad behavior, we are here to eliminate it.

You wouldn’t give a child who just spilled milk on a $500 rug a cookie, would you?

So, why would you give your ex boyfriend the pleasure of communicating with you if he has just got done fussing or cursing you out?

The only time you get to reward him with the proverbial cookie is if he his positive about wanting you back.

Do you understand!

I am going to go out on a limb here and say you do, so lets move on!

8. The NC Rules About Exchanging Items

give it to me

Another common question I get asked by readers of Ex Boyfriend Recovery is:

“Am I allowed to break the no contact rule if I have to give him his things back.”

Well, there are two categories I would like to divide this section up into.

  1. Him Asking For His Things Back
  2. You Wanting Your Things Back

There are different protocols that have to be put into effect for each of these situations.

Lets start first with him asking for his things back,

What To Do About NC If He Wants His Things Back?

He has kind of forced your hand here if he calls you up one day and asks for his things back.

It is at this point that you are going to be faced with a pretty tough decision if you are already doing the NC rule.

Do you break it and give him his things back?


Do you ignore him and contact him after his NC rule?

Remember, our goal with the NC rule isn’t to steal his things and make him so mad that he never talks to you again, which you run the risk of doing if you ignore his attempts to exchange things.

So, here is the protocol that I want you to put in place if he contacts you during your NC period and wants his things back.

Lets say that he texts you with a text saying that he wants his things back.

Well, I want you to respond the following way:


Notice how short and to the point the texts were.

I want you to act exactly like this on texts and in person.

Short and to the point.

Remember, you are all business and the business in this case is exchange your things.

If he tries to bring up your past relationship you just use some of the tricks I taught you already with the previous situations.

You are just there to give him his things back and that is it.

Any talk about anything else needs to be short and to the point.

(Finding a theme anyone?)

Lets move on to the protocols that are in place if you want your things back.

What To Do In NC If YOU Want Your Things Back From Him

The very first thing you need to determine is how important the things you want back from him are.

For example, if its just a silly toothbrush you left over at his place it would be a little ridiculous if you wanted that back when you could just go to the dollar store and get one for a buck. So, the protocol that is in place here has to do with how important the items you want back are.

A toothbrush…. not so important.

A dog on the other hand…

Well, that is probably worth contacting him and asking him for.

Basically the point I am trying to get at is this.

If you can live without the things that he has then don’t bother breaking NC for them. After all, you can just get them back after the NC rule is completed.

If you do deem the things important enough then you have my permission to break NC for them.

However, the same rules above apply.

Short and to the point!

Frequently Asked Questions About When You Should or Shouldn’t Use the No Contact Rule

1. When can I break the no contact rule? He has been calling me and texting me and I think he is really sorry.

If it has only been a few days, I would caution you about completely breaking away from your plan to allow for some space.  It’s OK to reach out to him to acknowledge his efforts and explain why you need your space.  If he loves you, he will honor your request for privacy.  Depending on the circumstance, you might want to shorten up the period of no contact.  In other situations, a few weeks may have already passed by, so in the event you are getting numerous positive indications from your ex boyfriend, then it wouldn’t be unreasonable to reach out to him in a measured way.

2. Does the No Contact Rule work if you were dumped.  My ex bf made me feel inferior and now he says he wants to talk to me about living up to his standards.  I am afraid to upset him more, but I am not sure if I should give in to him.

In this situation, it makes sense to keep your distance and stay true to your plan to create some space between him and you. At the very least, you need some quality time to heal.  No boyfriend, worth their salt, should treat their ex girlfriend in such a condescending way.  After you invest some time to heal and find yourself again, you may discover you don’t need him or want him back in your life.

3. My ex boyfriend is stubborn to a fault and has in the past insisted I need to respond quickly to his texts.  Will this no contact rule  work on stubborn men or should I just relent and keep answering his messages?

Some men are control freaks and your ex boyfriend seems to want to control your life, even after the breakup.  So this is bordering on toxic behavior and you should embrace the NC rule and put  a lot of space between you and he.  Give your ex a heads up, so he is not surprised.  No doubt he will be unhappy, but it is unwise to enable your ex’s undesirable behavior.

4. What situations does the No Contact Rule accomplish what you need?  I am just torn in half and really don’t know what I want or need from him.

If you are looking for emotional recovery, that is what this concept was founded on.  It is meant to get you out of the jaws of the pain of a breakup and focus you on getting emotionally healthier.  The most important thing for you to accomplish after parting ways with your ex boyfriend is finding yourself again and getting perspective about what is really important.  This principle is intended to get you to that place.

478 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. NLC

    October 19, 2018 at 2:50 am

    Hi Chris, my boyfriend broke up with me a week before meeting his parents for a woman he met in Vegas two weeks prior. There was no indication that there were any problems. We’ve been together 3 years.His reasons was that he saw no future with me but he did with his Vegas woman. I’ve applied NC three weeks ago but he saw me in my car leaving for work today. Will that effect the NC?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 19, 2018 at 3:05 am

      Hi NLC!

      3 years is pretty solid and that kind traction can come into play later. Your ex could be chasing a dream. Him seeing you in a car if anything will likely have a positive effect. It could get his head thinking about that which he left behind.

  2. Maggie

    October 15, 2018 at 7:20 pm

    Hrye, Chris! I broke up with him last Thursday and haven’t spoken to him since then. He’s been acting weird: suddenly he’s interacting with me in social media, something he never did while we were dating… he keeps checking my instagram stories and answers my polls and questions. I know that’s normal behavior, but he’s never done that before, I feel like he’s trying to get my attention. Thing is, he works at the pet shop where I buy cat food (that’s how we met). I don’t go everyday, but my pets will need food nex week. Should I keep my distance if he tries to talk to me about us? This is our first break up, and I dumped him because I felt like he didn’t appreciate me. Actually, because he’d rather go out with his mommy than me… and now I’m thinking thay maybe it was too much. His mother lives far away and he wouldn’t see her until Christmas, so maybe he wasn’t being such a mommy’s boy. So, any advice is welcome. Thanks a lot!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 16, 2018 at 3:00 am

      Hi Maggie!

      I know this is rough for you. Everything is fresh and raw, but you will get thru it. I think a brief No contact period would work well here. Let him know you need some time to heal and work through things on your mind. You should look at picking up one of my Companion Guides to help you thru all this!

  3. Amy

    October 15, 2018 at 4:44 am

    Chris, will the NC rule still work even if your ex tells you he doesn’t love you anymore?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 16, 2018 at 3:08 am

      Hi Amy….some guys will just say stupid things. Many of them don’t even know what love is or they may not be all that connected to their true feelings or they can be cavalier or mean spirited. So unless you are sure he isn’t any of those things, best to execute an ex recovery plan and I have lots of resources to help you with that!

  4. Rara

    October 15, 2018 at 12:46 am

    I have broken the NC rule and reached out to my ex on the 12th day. I know, I know. I’m a fool. I asked him if there is still a chance for us and he point blank told me he doesn’t love me anymore. Should I still start over NC and would it still be effective provided that I accomplish my goals to self-betterment? Is it still possible to win him back even if he is claiming he doesn’t love me anymore?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 15, 2018 at 3:03 am

      Hi Rara!

      No, you are not a fool. We all make mistakes. Just continue your NC and add another week to it. Guys will say things. Doesn’t mean its true or they really know their feelings. Best to follow thru with the process to give yourself the best chances.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 15, 2018 at 3:03 am

      Hi Rara!

      No, you are not a fool. We all make mistakes. Just continue your NC and add another week to it. Guys will say things. Doesn’t mean its true or they really know their feelings. Best to follow thru with the process to give yourself the best chances.

  5. Serena

    October 11, 2018 at 11:06 am

    Hey, my ex of nearly a year broke up with me 7 months ago ( February this year) I then did no contact till may, so for 2 months. We then regained contact by me reaching out and he was very excited to have me back in his life at first. We started to sleep together regularly and gradually after 3 months he started to become more distant. I fell pregnant in September and decided not to keep the child with him as I couldn’t fully trust him and he wasn’t keen on the idea of a child aswel, now he has become more distant and we don’t talk as much but we still speak everyday. He takes me for granted he never wants to go out of his way for me on small things. I wonder if it’s hopeless to try NC for 30 days. I know he flirts with other females and it hurts me but I can’t do anything. Is no contact a good idea? And is there any other advice you would give me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 12, 2018 at 3:11 am

      Hi Serena!

      I think NC is a reasonable strategy, but focus on your own healing and personal growth. Also, be sure you have a solid ex recovery plan. Feel free to visit my home page and you can take a look at all the resources i have there!

  6. Nicky

    October 4, 2018 at 12:50 pm

    Hi, most of the comments here relate to quite long relationships. Mine was only 3 months although I felt we had a connection and had regular contact and text and spoke every day. Out of the blue he told me he wanted to knock things on the head, he doesn’t want me anymore. I or course went “crazy” then deleted his number and haven’t contacted him since. My question is will NC even work in such a short relationship? Or is it too early in dating him to even think there were any feelings on his part? He did refer to me as his girlfriend by the way and used work as an excuse to dump me. Any advice please?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:18 am

      Hi Nicky!

      I do think NC has a good shot with this relationship. Why not try tactics you have not tried before if your previous plans are not working.

  7. DJ

    September 23, 2018 at 2:26 am

    Hi there, would greatly appreciate some advice on NC in my situation.

    Fast facts: We dated for about 5 years, 1 of which was long distance which was difficult for him. We broke up about 6 months ago, but have been very much involved in each other lives as much as possible considering he is in another country. Our relationship has been pretty looked the same as when we were dating, just no label. He told me a few days ago that he was “seeing” someone. It was pretty upsetting because I knew we were single, but I still felt blindsided. He says his feelings for me are still very strong and in his mind he still sees us having a future together.

    My last contact with his was a few days ago and I really wanted to gain control in the situation. I said that I will not come second to someone else and that I don’t think he is ready for the commitment. Side note–he have always had a girlfriend there physically so I believe he struggles with that in terms of distance. I think this time apart could be valuable so that he can miss me and realize that he truly wants to be with me. Should I do no contact? I was certain that I should, but I think the fact that he is seeing someone and we are currently long distance make it a little more complicated. Thank you!!!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 23, 2018 at 4:28 pm

      Hi DJ!

      I do think NC will help as part of its aim to reinforce your value. I wrote a book, “The No Contact Rule Book” that get’s into all of this.

  8. Janetth

    September 19, 2018 at 8:46 pm

    Hi, the ex and I were in a relationship for 5 years (living together). We broke up because of money issues, that lead to him going out all the time. I decided to move out to see if space could help us get back together. We texted for the 1st month of the break up. While he was “thinking about us getting back together”. Anyhow, we got into a fight and I told him not to contact me unless he was willing to fix our relationship. It’s been 3 week and I haven’t heard from him. Will no contact work in this situation?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 20, 2018 at 12:53 am

      So 5 years is meaningful. So just keep reading up on NC. I have lots of info on the site, podcasts, videos, and have written an in depth book, unlike the market has seen before, called, “The No Contact Rule Book”.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 20, 2018 at 12:53 am

      So 5 years is meaningful. So just keep reading up on NC. I have lots of info on the site, podcasts, videos, and have written an in depth book, unlike the market has seen before, called, “The No Contact Rule Book”.

  9. Annette

    September 16, 2018 at 2:04 pm

    Hi, so my ex and I have been dating for almost 10 years and we lived together for 5 years. We recently had a huge fight due to the fact both of us have been through a very tough period. After spending almost a month fighting and telling each other the worsts things ever he told me he did not want to pursue the relationship with me; he told me he was very disappointed, that he did not believe in love anymore for the way I had treated him. I understood I did a lot of mistakes, that I should have been clearer during certain situation instead of boosting in anger, I told him I really want to change and I begged him to give me another chance, but I did not have any success. I decide to apply the NC since 6 days ago but I am unsure about a couple of things:
    – as we had a long lasting and pretty good relationship, is NC the correct approach to sort out the issue?
    – Is he going to think I moved on with my life and do the same?
    – I believe he is very disappointed and does not trust I can change therefore I honestly do not think he is going to contact me, so should I contact him first once NC period is over?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 17, 2018 at 4:09 am

      Hi Annette…so 10 years makes for some solid roots and roots that deep don’t pull too far away. I am sure your ex made plenty of mistakes…not just you. I do think NC is the right move. Feel free to give him a heads up if you wish about your need for some space and healing and self discovery and improvement. And based on your questions, I strongly encourage you to pick up my 485 page eBook Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro so you understand well how this whole ex recovery process works and how to maximize your chances

  10. Clare

    September 6, 2018 at 12:22 am


    My BF of 7 years (we were in an unofficial relationship for 2 years before this 7 years, so totalling to 9 years) broke up with me last April, got back together but he firmly decided after 2 months that he don’t want to be in relationship with me anymore. We’re still in contact afterwards and I was extremely devastated and was needy for months. Beginning August I stopped texting him constantly and started limited contact because we agreed to review for a career exam together so I was just texting him regarding the review. But things was so awkward everytime we were together and time and time again he reiterated that he do not want us to be back together. So I finally decided to finally finish things off for closure and told him that I already accepted the break up and I needed some time off. We agreed to be friends for now and focus on the review.

    I’m on the 3rd day of NC and he sent his work schedule to me last night as agreed so I can plan the classes that we’ll attend together. Should I still text and inform him that I’m doing NC even though I already told him that I needed some time off and that he should just attend the classes that he can attend to even without me, a few days back? Or just ignore it and push through with the NC? I’m afraid that he might have the wrong idea and think I’m ghosting on him after deciding to be friends.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 6, 2018 at 3:42 am

      Hi Clare….you should know that 9 years in a relationship tends to create some traction, helping people later to find their way back to each other. He knows you are in NC as you have conveyed it to him.

  11. Beth

    September 2, 2018 at 1:17 pm

    Me and my ex were so in love and we had both said we felt we had found the one. We’ve had ups and downs in the 1.5 yrs together but generally had agreed to work through all problems as we had more good times than bad. We both enrolled on a training program together mid August to start a new career. We wouldn’t have been working together in the end but the training is together. The training has been really tough and stressful. We had a fallout during the first week and I called it off between us because she really upset me (she’s quite good at that when things get rough!) so it turned out to be a very mutual break which shocked me – she acted relieved and has been playing the happy go lucky personality at training. I tried to talk it over a week later at training one evening and she said she felt a weight had been lifted and says she doesn’t love me anymore. Says she cares for me still but there’s no going back. I felt I couldn’t complain but unfortunately I did break down in tears after being so strong for a week at training – I called for this but I felt I had no choice with the way she was letting the stress of training effect our relationship. I said I still loved her. I’m just so shocked because I know what I mean to her I don’t believe for a minute she is truly taking this well but it’s all very confusing and I don’t know if I should be moving on or holding out hope!? We are on and off training together over next two months. I’ve been home this week and i initiated NC telling her I needed to have time and space – she insisted that she was gutted about it and felt sad about me crying and we need to remain amicable at training and at work. I gracefully agreed to this but stated I had accepted the breakup now and needed space to get over it and move on. That was a week ago and in this week she has messaged me three times spread out – each message was sort of pointless in my opinion. ‘You left your such and such at my house shall I bring it to training next week’ – ‘have you seen my such and such’ – ‘Did your manager talk to you about such and such because mine did’ bearing in mind she knows I don’t want to hear from her to move on and there’s 10+ other people she could have asked about the training re the last message! So I’ve tried to remain NC but did reply to all three of those messages in my own time and VERY minimal responses. Not an ideal situation, trying to stay focused on the course but my heartache is winning my thoughts most of the time. I feel I’m doing the right thing for any outcome – I intend to be amicable next week but don’t know if I can hide my hurt and remain strong. I miss her so much and I’m heartbroken. This did need to happen though as neither of us were happy in that moment. I Regret my way of ending it but I felt I couldn’t talk to her about us as she was so stressed at training. Just the worst possible timing EVER!

  12. Amanda

    September 1, 2018 at 1:45 am

    Hello! Me and my BF broke up 2.5 weeks ago. He is in the coast guard and we have been in a long distance relationship the entire time. He broke up with me because he felt he needed space and time to figure out what he wanted in life and what his goals are. This is his first time on his own (he is 26, I’m 27). He said he loved me but he wasnt in love with me. The last month of this relationship things weren’t great. I was sort of mean to him, and things were just different. Both were going through our own personal things. Our break up was friendly. I was very upset but we ended on great terms. He said when we broke up it was a possibility we could end up back together one day, and said I could still call him if I wanted and that he wanted to still be friends on Social Media. The day after the break up I reached out to him about something, 2 days after break up he reached out to me because he saw I had a flat tire, 1 week after break up he texted me wishing me luck on something in my life, the day after that I texted him and we had a conversation that was extremely positive, where he told me about his life and reminded me if I ever needed him I could call. I haven’t talked to him via text in 9 days. I was trying to do NC. He is still liking and looking at my stuff on Social Media, I am trying to avoid his. I decided to try NC so I could give him time and space to realize what he wants, and hopefully help him miss me. He hasn’t reached out to me since I last texted him, just liked stuff on Social Media. So I am wondering… is No contact the best option, or should I do limited contact?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 1, 2018 at 3:43 am

      I think you stick with no contact, but you want to follow my program in order to employ it properly.

  13. simran

    August 29, 2018 at 6:12 pm

    my ex and I broke up 10 days ago. we were together for 5 years and it was good relationship, we were happy and in love. but his reason for break up with me was that his feeling have changed and he has out grown me.
    I implemented the no contact rule for 2 days but he called me on the the third day regarding some work and kept extending the conversation, he then later said that he feels lonely to which I said I am really sorry but I need some time to myself and I can’t be there because he feels lonely.
    he got upset and disconnected the call.
    I had an instant regret of why I was rude to him. I texted him the next day that I am sorry that I was rude to him but I explained that I am not ready to yet, I need to move on and it will make it difficult for me.
    but I had a melt down yesterday and texted him that I am hurting and he asked if I needed to talk, I said yes and we spoke for an hour. during the conversation we were talking about what ifs and he said that maybe after sometime he comes back to me. I am not holding to any false hopes but I am really confused on what to do.he is aware of the changes I have been making in my life and in myself.
    we have to be in contact for work related stuff but that is not on daily basis, but he called me today as well just to talk about work a little and told me he met a common friend who he broke the news of our break up.

    this is the first article I could find on when not to implement that NC rule.
    I just want to know what to do if not using no contact rule.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 30, 2018 at 1:28 am

      Hi Simaran!

      Being together 5 years is a solid plus. I am going to encourage you to take at some of the posts I have written about limited contact, given the work situation. I talk about in my eBooks. NC is highly adaptable

  14. Sara

    August 26, 2018 at 12:41 am

    He dumped me in the beginning of August after dating for over a year (our official 1 year anniversary was coming up at the end of the month though). I didn’t see it coming. Before we were together, him and I casually dated for a couple months with the intent of going slowly and he said his end game was to be together (he hadnt really done relationships or dating before me and he’s 24). Then randomly he ghosted me. A few months later he texted me apologizing and asked if he could have a shot with me again. By that time I was involved with another man, and I told him that. Long story shorter, after a couple weeks I broke it off with the other guy, and him and I began to casually date (He wanted to be offical, but I said I wanted to go slow given how he ghosted me before). After a couple months, we were together. From that point on he told me how sorry he was for ghosting me, he made a huge mistake, consistently talked about getting engaged once he was financially stable, our future together, how sure and happy he was with me (consistent is an understatement and with such convincing detail). Then he left. Claiming it was because of problems going unresolved. He said he needed space, and I didnt give it (but every argument we did have he always apologized after saying he was just angry, he didn’t mean it then it would go back to the ‘im so happy with you’ talk so I honestly thought the issues he brought up were just out of anger). When I said that, his response was that he only said he didn’t mean it to avoid hurting my feeling and an argument..which to that I pointed out that if he didn’t tell me there were issues he thought weren’t getting resolved and didn’t actually voice them, I couldn’t possibly know to adapt to his feelings. And when he was telling me outwardly “i love you, I’m so sure about you”, talking about marriage all the time, etc, but because of I guess the resentment he was feeling over feeling as though he wasnt getting his needs met by me, he ended up doing things (such as ditching me) which made me upset and I would get angry. I mean, here I’m thinking I’m such a priority, he’s telling me all the time I am, but then doing things that make me feel I’m not. And I was so confused why I was getting consistent commitment comments from him but then stuff like that would happen. And only after we broke up I got the missing puzzle piece of why; of what was wrong. So basically because of the space thing and me getting angry over the things he would do (he compared it to a mine field, saying if he did something I wasnt happy with, I’d “blow”), he left. He said I didnt care about his feelings and needs (which now I’m wondering if it’s my fault, i didnt show how important his feelings are to me in the way he needed). We broke up once before for a night over the space thing, but similar to every other fight we had he came back in the morning apologizing, saying he overrracted due to anger and didnt mean anything he said. Ive also been struggling with my mental health (which he knows), so part of me wonders if that’s why he left; I’m not all smiles and fun like I used to be. Now this time he said it’s over. He said he’d drop off my stuff on a specific day, but never did. I have been in NC for two days. We didnt exactly end on great terms, but not awful either. I plan to drop off his stuff tonight to his porch and hopefully it’ll prompt him to do the same. Since our anniversay was about to happen I have his favorite cookies, a card I drew, his toothbrush, his pillow, and seashells from a vacation we took. I threw it all, along with everything of his or that I associated with him or as his in the bag along with his clothes (i kept two hoodies he gave me though that no longer fit him). Hopefully I didn’t do anything stupid? I just don’t want the constant reminders hes gone and I know I’m not strong enough to box it up and put it away or throw out the card or the things I bought for us unless I return it to him. I want him back. Did I mess up? What do I do?
    Thank you! I appreciate this site and your team so much

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 26, 2018 at 1:24 am

      Hi Sarah!

      So there is a lot of things going on here! Stay in the NC. If you don’t have my program, go take a look so you know all the ins and outs. Go to my website home page to explore all the tools and resources and get your ex recovery plan underway!

  15. Sam

    August 24, 2018 at 7:02 pm

    My boyfriend of 7 months just broke up with me. He is working out of town and had a lady hearting his face book pictures that lives in the same city he is working in. I messaged the lady to ask why and how she knows him politely. Then she blocks me and he says its over between us for assuming before speaking to him! I dont think he was cheating I just let my emotions get the best of me! Should I use the no contact rule because I do want to fix this but also I have to meet him in 2 weeks to return his car!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 24, 2018 at 11:55 pm

      Hi Sam….yes, I think NC will allow cooler heads to prevail and so much can get accomplished during NC if you understand fully how to employ it. I have tons of content on this site in posts, books, videos, podcasts, a Private Facebook Support Group. So tap into some of these resources to help yourself!

  16. Noveros

    August 8, 2018 at 3:51 am

    What am I supposed to do?
    My ex and I had 4,5 years of relationship. Last month I broke with him just because he showed me less efforts,he said he wud visit me in the beginning of 2018, but he delayed it from January to march then July. I already did 38 days of NC. I figured out he blocked me 2 days ago on WA. So now should I text him?

  17. sarah garden

    February 16, 2018 at 3:39 pm

    hi so i was seeing a guy for 3 months. we spoke every day, he introduced me to his mum, he took me to his favourite special places. the past month the communication was missing despite speaking every day and when i asked him we were okay and if we could go back to the way we were before he wanted to just be friends but he said he meant it.
    i said can we not just give it another try? and he said no he’s made his mind. (all over text and face time)
    i want him back or at least to give things another go, i have started the NC rule a day after this occurred. will this jeopardise our friendship and push him into someone else?
    also i’ll be seeing him because we’re going to the same party on saturday, is it okay for me to just say hello and ask him how he is? since we’re friends?


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2018 at 12:51 pm

      Hi Sarah,
      Yeah, but keep it short.. check this one too:
      Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

  18. NikJo

    February 16, 2018 at 8:11 am

    I’m only on Day 1 of no contact and my ex boyfriend is threatening to show up at my door because I refuse to reply.

    A little background- it’s an off and on relationship of 4 years…but we were always having sex even during the off times. He did somethings I had a hard time forgiving him for so the recent off stage lasted way longer than the others before-close to a year. But we were still having sex.

    I do love the fool so I did some thinking and decided to give us another chance. The problem is, he moved in someone he cheated on me with… she was there for a month around the time I decided to take him back. Apparently, they were both in a tough spot and he needed a room mate and she was evicted or something… and of course they’re having sex. The girl wants a relationship with HIM- he promised her the world then came home one day to come clean about me.

    He made it clear that he wants to be with me, I know for a fact he loves me to death…but she doesn’t have a place to go. So I decided to cut it off…not really to win him back, more because I want to move on for good. There is always drama and toxic behaviour with this man.

    So it’s been little over 24 hours since I started the No Contact and he is threatening to show up at my door. Sure, I will not answer if I am inside…but I have a lot of errands to do this week and I’m worried he will be at my front door when I am showing up my door. I want absolutely nothing to do with him and I do not want to talk to him- him wanting to talk will be nothing but excuses and empty promises and I do not want to hear it at all. I am determined to stay away for at least 90 days to heal and then decide if I still want to continue on my own. I love him but like I said, its a very toxic relationship.

    What should I do if we are face to face at my front door?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2018 at 11:44 am

      Hi Nikjo,

      Tell him that in a calm way.

  19. ariel

    February 15, 2018 at 2:06 pm

    My boyfriend of eight years broke up with me last week. We own a home together and he is moving to California March 1st due to a job relocation. I was supposed to move with him but obviously that is no longer happening. We have to sell our home and have been in the midst of remodeling. We have to be in contact daily and we are even sleeping in the same bed but it’s incredibly painful for me because I still want to be together. He says he is still in love with me but that breaking up is what is best for both of us. That I need to figure out my life (go back to school) and he needs to move for his career. He says I wasted too much time worrying about him instead of myself. He seems very confident that we need to break up and has shut down my every attempt at reconciliation. I think our issues were easily resolvable. We both were just stressed and unable to focus on our relationship due to outside forces so we started to grow distant and annoyed with one another. If we had just agreed to refocus, we would have been perfectly fine. He wants us to continue living together until he leaves and even wants to hang out as friends. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 11:54 pm

  20. Elizabeth

    February 13, 2018 at 8:18 pm

    So my ex boyfriend and I just broke up about a month ago, I recently just started the no contact rule and a few weeks before we broke up I had made plans for us to get together for his birthday and spend all day together, I booked us a nice get away at a hotel and dinner for two. I told him about the hotel and he said that he thinks we should still spend that weekend of his birthday together, that conversation happened a couple days ago before I started the no contact rule. I am trying to get back together with my ex, I cheated on him and he wants to see if I can be more mature in a relationship or not. His birthday is next week should I just call off the plans since I am in no contact rule or since I cheated on him and I am trying to get him to forgive me and want to be with me again should I hang out with him since he wants to? What is your advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2018 at 1:00 pm

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