Welcome to another episode of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery podcast. Today, we’re going to be talking about the no contact rule, specifically does the no contact rule work if you’ve been blocked?

We’re going to hear from a listener named Diana who has a question about just that. But before we hear her question, I first want to let you know that no matter what situation that you’re in, you’re always going to need a starting point.

Whether you want to get your ex back or you want to get over your ex, the best thing you should always do is start on our website, and take our ex recovery chances quiz.

Now, I know, I know I sound like a broken record always talking about this quiz, but that’s because I think it’s the perfect starting point for you to determine what you should be doing about your situation.

Most people, when they start trying to get exes back, have no idea where to begin. The first question they always have for me is,

“Chris, do I have a chance of getting back with my ex?”

Even if they’re a little on the fence about it, having that knowledge can help them make decisions going forward.

Now, I put together a special quiz designed to basically answer this exact question. It’s on my website. Again, www.exboyfriendrecovery.com.

All you’ve got to do is simply look in the navigation bar and click on the quiz tab. It’ll take you right to the quiz where you can take a two minute assessment where I’m going to ask you all sorts of questions about you, your ex, and your past relationship together.

Then based on your answers, I can give you an approximate idea of what your chances are.

If you’re interested in taking that quiz again, hop over to my website. But now that that’s out of the way, which I can’t tell you how glad I am that that’s out of the way, let’s hear from Diana.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

The Listeners Question

“Is there a way for the no contact to work if he blocked me from his cell phone? I am one week into no contact, will this still work?”

Now, I chose this question not only because it’s shorter, which is always easy for me to handle because we get so many questions every single day, but because really what she’s asking here is two questions.

She first wants to figure out will the no contact rule work for her, especially if she’s been blocked. But also she wants to learn how to handle the no contact rule if she’s been blocked.

That’s what we’re going to focus our time on today. Basically, I’m going to teach you if the no contact rule will work, if you’ve been blocked a little bit, about how the no contact rule will work, and also what to do if you’re blocked during the no contact rule.

Let me first start off by saying, I think there’s a really big misconception about the no contact rule. Most people, when they hear about the no contact rule, they only focus on one aspect of it.

They focus on the aspect that can potentially happen where an ex will reach out to you.

Sometimes they’ll say, “Oh, I made a mistake,” or, “I miss you,” or they’ll reach out to you or get a little upset that you’re not responding to them.

But I think this is a really common misconception because people who only focus on this aspect of a no contact rule are kind of missing the boat of what the no contact rule is supposed to do.

Here’s the common misconception that I’m seeing time and time again, people believe that the no contact rule doesn’t consider or isn’t considered working if you don’t hear from an ex.

What you really need to understand is, technically speaking, the no contact rule can work if one of three criteria are met.

What are those three criteria?

Well, number one is by implementing a no contact rule, it’s supposed to give both you and him time to let your emotions settle. You see, usually during a breakup, there’s quite a bit of anger, resentment, and, quite honestly, genuine despair between you and him or her.

Now, these are all incredibly strong emotions, and emotions tend to override our ability to act and react rationally. We’ve all heard that phrase, when emotion runs high, logic runs low. That is sort of what the no contact rule can do, it can help kind of get your logic back in line and in control.

By implementing a no contact rule, if you stick to it for, let’s say, the entire 30 day rule that we recommend, and sometimes people will do the 21 day rule, the 45 day rule, depending on their situation. But, generally speaking, most people are going to fall in that 30 day time frame.

If you’re doing that 30 day rule, the no contact will can technically work because it will give you time, both him and you time, to settle down and let logic win out.

But there’s also a second criteria that can be considered working with the no contact rule. That’s it gives you a chance to evolve.

It allows you a chance to become a better version of yourself.

That’s never a bad idea, especially when you reconnect with your ex, when that time does come, you need to bring more value to the table than he expects you. I think that’s really what it’s all about, right?

Most of the people who focus on the no contact rule get so settled on what their ex is doing, they forget to kind of look internally.

I know it sounds very cliche, but sometimes the cliches are there for a reason, so that’s the second criteria that I would use to consider a no contact rule technically working.

But the third one is the more kind of common one that you would think of. The no contact rule can allow you to turn your ex’s mindset against him, so he’ll expect you to contact him and, when you don’t, his thoughts become, “Well, why isn’t she contacting me?”

Technically speaking, these are the three criteria that can dictate whether or not the no contact rule is working, but I think what you probably also need to learn is a little bit about the psychology behind how the no contact rule works because it’s not just hitting these criteria that matters in the grand scheme of thing, it’s also gaining understanding about why we implement the no contact rule.

Why We Implement The No Contact Rule

Now, there’s been this alarming trend lately where we’re having some ‘experts’ out there say that the no contact rule is a bad idea and that it doesn’t work. But all of our research psychology wise says something different.

What I’m going to point to today is two psychological researches that I often point to to prove to people, yes, this is something that you should be doing and using.

What are those two specific psychological ideas behind how the no contact rule is meant to work?

Well, there’s one, which is the theory of reactance, and there’s two, which is the information gap theory.

What are those two things?

The Theory Of Reactance.

The theory of reactions refers to the human need to react when someone or something interferes with things that come naturally, also called behavioural freedoms. You see, when you implement a no contact rule, you’re taking away your ex’s ‘free will’, the choice to talk to you or not talk to you was his and someone has taken it away, you.

Now, ideally this will cause him or raise the chances that he’s going to react. He will try and force you to talk to him. It’s a little bit of this idea of like, hey, I’m going to take your cookie away, now all of a sudden, you want your cookie back.

But of course that’s not all that sort of powers the power of the no contact, rule, we also have information gap theory.

Now, information gap theory is a little bit harder to describe because you kind of need some visualisation to sort of fully understand it, but I’m hoping that you can open your minds to maybe visualising some of the things I’m going to be talking about.

What is the information gap theory?

Well, the information gap theory basically states that when it feels as if we are missing out on something, the mind seeks to fill the void. Imagine that there’s a triangle, right?

We all know what a triangle looks like, but let’s say that the bottom of the triangle isn’t closed, it’s just an upside down V. You look at that, and your mind just gets a little annoyed by it. Every so often you just kind of want that bottom of that triangle to close.

Another really great example is, let’s say that you and I are best friends and I invite myself over to your house one day. I knock on the door, you say, “Hey Chris, what’s up?” I say, “Hey, can I come in?” You’re like, “Oh yeah, sure. Come right on in.” You invite me in and I don’t close the door, I leave it open.

You, in the back of your mind are like, I want to close that door, but I take you away from the door. I take you into your living room and say, “Hey, this is a really cool painting. Tell me about who painted that painting,” all the while you’re sitting there, obsessing about the fact that the door is open, it’s annoying you.

You have to close it. You can’t focus on anything else.

The no contact rule acts as the ‘open door’ for your ex. There’s unfinished business that needs to get finished.

Now, that we understand a little bit more about how the no contact rule works psychologically and even how you can look at the criteria to determine that it works, let’s switch focus on what you’re probably dying to learn about, and that’s what to do if you’ve been blocked during the no contact rule.

There Are Four Points

There’s really four points that I want to leave you with on this particular section. Let’s go down them one by one, and then we’ll define each one of them later.

Point number one, it’s that over 70% of exes who are blocked get unblocked at some point.

Point number two is understanding what soft blocks are versus hard blocks.

Point number three is learning to create mystery on social media to capture your ex’s attention.

Point four is sending them a text from a new number, which I have some interesting thoughts on, but let’s start from the top and go through it.

Point number one with what to do if you’re blocked by your ex is understanding that over 70% of exes who are blocked get unblocked at some point. What we learn is that oftentimes when an ex blocks you, it is usually due to a knee jerk reaction. Most of the time breakups don’t go really well.

There’s a lot of anger involved from your side, anger involved from his or her side. You’re just kind of fighting a lot, right?

Sometimes our fight or flight response gets triggered, and the people who are ‘fighting’ from this situation will block you because they don’t want to deal with you anymore. But that’s the brilliance of the no contact rule. Sometimes just ignoring your ex is enough to null, kind of inception yourself into their mind, so they start wondering what you’re up to, what is going on.

That’s why we see a high level of people who have been blocked by simply doing nothing will get unblocked just by being patient.

Now, it’s one of the hardest things to do because when you’re blocked and you are basically being no contacted by your ex, that reactance kicks in, you start to basically get really upset by the fact that you don’t have an ability to talk to your ex.

Usually, most of the time, you need to understand that you will get unblocked simply by doing nothing, just by playing the odds in your favor, but we don’t want to just play the odds in our favor.

We want to go a little bit deeper and come up with a plan for grabbing an ex’s attention to get him to unblock you or, barring that, finding some way of communicating, right, so that’s really the first point that I want you to understand.

The second point is understanding the difference between soft blocks versus hard blocks.

When there’s these knee jerk blocking reactions by your ex, there’s also knee jerk reactions that you guys tend to have when you’re talking to me or Coach Anna or even my wife sometimes.

You’re saying, “My God, he’s blocked me on Facebook. My God, he’s blocked me on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, whatever.” I don’t know many guys who use Pinterest by the way.

What you need to understand is that there’s a difference between soft blocks and hard blocks.

Soft blocks are pretty simple. It’s meaning you’re blocked maybe on Facebook, but you can still talk to him or communicate with him through cell phones.

Hard blocks is the exact opposite. You are blocked everywhere imaginable.

Now, let’s go back to soft blocks a little bit. If you are soft blocked by your ex, maybe you’re blocked to communicate on the phone with him, but you’re still able to communicate with him through Facebook. What you need to first do before you start figuring out how to handle being blocked by your ex is figure out which category you fit into.

Are you a soft block or are you a hard block?

Usually most of our clients fall in the soft block category, but if you are stuck in kind of the hard block category, what can you do?

Well, that’s where step number three really comes into play here, and that’s creating mystery on social media to capture their attention.

Now, you’re probably sitting there and wondering, well, why? That doesn’t even make any sense because if you’re ‘hard blocked’, how would your ex even see your social media account?

Well, what we’ve learned through research and also our own personal findings is that most exes, in fact, research has the number up to 90% of exes will Facebook creep or stalk their ex digitally after the breakup, they get curious to see what you’re up to.

Now, the issue most women have is they don’t really have a good way of creating enough mystery or intent or reason for an ex to want to reach out. I’ll give you an example, most people and women who are going through breakups sometimes don’t want to deal with social media.

They just want to lock themselves in a room and feel sorry for themselves, and that I totally get, believe me, I get that more than you probably realize.

But the smarter thing to do is actually to use social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, all of the tools in your tool belt, even if you’re blocked, to create the narrative that you want to have created about you.

If your ex broke up with you because he thought you were too stable, do something adventurous. If your ex thought or broke up with you because you were too adventurous or too mysterious, do something stable.

Find a way to reshape his perception, to change the paradigm in your favor.

All right, now we get to the final one

This is something that I don’t love to recommend to people, but I feel a need to mention its existence because we have had clients do this, though, I will say not many of them have been successful, and that’s sending an ex a text from a new number.

There’s a very specific way to do this, and I’m going to go on the record right here, right now, I say more times than not, 9.5 times out of 10 do not do this, but if you have for six months you’ve been blocked, you’ve tried everything to not seem like a creepy stalker, to not show up your ex’s door.

You’ve done everything we’ve recommended. You’ve learned that you’re in a hard block, you’ve waited enough time, you’ve created that mystery on social media, you’ve gone out, you’ve improved your life.

If you’re still blocked and you still are just dying to hear from your ex, one thing we have seen our clients do is to go out, buy a new phone, get a new number, and text their ex with the following text,

“Hey, I’m just letting you know I got a new number. I didn’t know if you would need it. This is like a mass text I’m sending out to everyone.”

We have had a few clients who haven’t gotten much overall success but have gotten responses from exes who have done that. Now, here’s the issue with this, sending a new text from a new number. Sometimes it is enough to creep an ex out to where you lose your chance forever, right?

But it is the only option we see for people who are hard blocked to find a way to kind of throw that last hail Mary. I want to reiterate, this is something I actually would not recommend, but it is kind of my duty to show you every possible thing that you can do.

Now, when you take all that into account, Diana,

Yes, the no contact rule can definitely work if you’ve been blocked.

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58 thoughts on “Does No Contact Work If Your Ex Has You Blocked?”

  1. Avatar

    Jude

    May 14, 2020 at 7:53 pm

    Can I ask why use social media if they aren’t going to see it because they have blocked you?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 15, 2020 at 5:44 pm

      Hi Jude, people get curious over time, even if you are blocked mutual friends can feed information back to your ex. And eventually your ex will unblock you usually when they are feeling less angry or upset about the breakup

  2. Avatar

    Tiffany

    April 24, 2020 at 4:52 pm

    Hi, my ex and I weren’t exactly together but it was almost like we were. We had feelings for each other and texted everyday. We both weren’t talking to other people (I wasn’t; hope he wasn’t either since he told me he wasn’t talking to any other girls). Sometimes when I wouldn’t text back he would even go as far as to message me on Snapchat. Anyways, we got into our very first really bad fight. He just made Instagram and I confronted him about a girl that commented on his first picture. I didn’t know if he was being honest so I decided to message the girl the next day and ask if they were talking but I deleted it because I was so embarrassed. Turns out, the girl told him that I had messaged her (which I still don’t know how she knows about me) and my ex got VERY upset with me. He told me to block him and he said that I was immature. The next day, I texted him to apologize and I saw the next day that he had blocked my number. Keep in mind, prior to this we had been texting nonstop and he was all over me the days before this. I panicked and went to Snapchat and frantically messaged and called him. We had unfriended each other but he was on public. I was surprised to see he didn’t block me on Snapchat (pretty sure he knows my username and could’ve blocked me easily). I’m 100% sure he saw that I messaged him and called him. I deleted my messages and left him alone since he had not opened them. I’m scared that he could really be done with me since this is the first time he blocked me and he seemed really mad. I’m on day 3 of no contact and it’s killing me. Will be cool down within a month? Will he take me back? I made myself look crazy and embarrassed him. I just really want him back 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 8:35 pm

      Hi Tiffany, the way you explain that you made yourself look crazy you need to give your ex some real space 45 days Minimum of NC and then you need to start the texting phase but you are going to have to show extreme patience the fact that you are not going to get positive responses for sometime you may find that it takes time for your ex to let his guard down when talking to you

  3. Avatar

    Anon

    April 17, 2020 at 10:41 am

    I had to cancel a date at the last minute with my ex and he was so angry that he sent me a text saying “Don’t come. Dont call or text me. Have a nice day.” My reaction was to text him back in shock and disbelief. When he did not respond, I text him a few more times and still no text back from him. The next day, I tried again, this time apologizing for having canceled our date – he did not reply and I panicked and sent him a couple more, not so nice texts. I tried contacting him on Facebook Messenger but he did not read my messages. The next day he blocked me on Instagram. I knew I had to stop. As of today, it has been 30 days of no contact but I have heard nothing from him. This is a man I have been seeing for 5 years and prior to this we talked and text everyday throughout the day and night. I am devastated. The fact that we are having a pandemic and he has not once picked up the phone to ask if I am okay is particularly upsetting. The very last text I sent him 30 days ago, was to ask if he was okay. I have posted a few photos and funny memes on Facebook but I do not know if he has bothered to look. I can not understand how he does not miss me. He is extremely stubborn but has never blocked me or refused to speak to me for more than a day or two on rare occasions in the past.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2020 at 10:42 pm

      Hey I think it was more his ego that was hurt by you cancelling on him, so that is why he got upset. But the fact that thing turned so bad so quickly may show that you need more time to build your new connection so that he knows when or if you cancel on him that it is legit and not something for him to be offended or angered by. Reach out after 45 Days of NC and then see if he responds to the type of text that Chris suggests

  4. Avatar

    Confused

    April 16, 2020 at 9:32 pm

    Hey there, would appreciate any guidance here. My ex and I broke up less than a week ago. We were together for a little over a year and previously lived together. Back in early February, he broke up with me because of some minor issues that came up on my part, I planned moving out, he had a change of heart and wanted me to stay. I said no, I moved out and we decided to give the relationship another try. It was at that time that he admitted his struggles with communication, his hesitancy to move to fast towards getting married (he was previously married) and that he needed to work on himself, emotionally. As we worked on things, here and there we experienced some intimacy issues, and I equated those to the fact that we weren’t fully healed yet. As we entered quarantine, I decided that it would be best for us to stay at our new respective places, so we weren’t going back and forth, we both have pets to care for and he is still working. His first love language is physical touch. I know it was hard for him to not physically see me but I also felt like he wasn’t doing a great job of being receptive to my suggestions (face timing, mailing each other cards, etc.) I got to the point where I felt like I was putting in all the work and I told him I couldn’t continue like this. He agreed and admitted to the guilt that he carries from hurting me from the first breakup. We have had many conversations where we have talked about our future together and both admitted to each other that day that we felt like the other was the one. He also stated that he didn’t know if the attraction was there, which seemed a little contradicting because we lived together and have many wonderful memories together. I am a counselor and in some ways, it makes me feel like if he fell in love with the idea of me and not really me. Regardless, I needed to take a stand and realize that as much as I love him (and my family loves him), I needed a break from him. We broke up on a Saturday and he reached out to me the following Monday with a very long text, half apologizing to me and half essentially bringing up my issues again and not really taking ownership of his role in the breakup. I didn’t respond to him. Today, Thursday, I saw that he blocked me on social media. In some ways, it makes me upset, but in other ways, I see how it can help us both heal right now. I have considered saying something after NC but I am not really sure where to go from here. Do I cut my losses and move on, or do I try to fight for the man I thought I would call my future husband?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 7:46 pm

      Hey there C, as far as if you should move on or not that is totally up to you. However while you need to make those decisions I would say that you need to follow the rules of No Contact until you make your decision where you focus on your Holy Trinity

  5. Avatar

    Rose

    March 28, 2020 at 1:39 am

    Hi, I would appreciate any guidance on my situation here.
    My fiancé and I were together for almost two years and a lot of unfortunate events happened to me (job loss, parent passing away from illness, worsened physical and mental health). This obviously took a toll on both of us. We started to fight a lot, mostly about me not feeling supported in looking for a new job and him feeling like I wasn’t trying hard enough, and some of his family and mutual friends put it in his head to leave me.
    Over a week after the breakup, I tried to reach out apologizing and explaining some things I didn’t feel I got a chance to during our last conversation before I moved out. No response. At the advice of a friend, over a month after my first attempt to contact him, I commented on his status that addressed the breakup in a civil manner, only stating we were seeing the situation from different viewpoints and that I had messaged him privately and would appreciate a conversation with him about everything. He blocked me.
    It’s now going on three months since I’ve tried to reach out and still haven’t heard from him. I don’t know if it’s worth trying again or just waiting hopelessly that he’ll eventually reach out.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 5:51 pm

      Hi Rose, I am so sorry that you have been going through such a hard time as of late. However the blocking you is understandable if you are commenting on his social media about the break up as this is going to be appearing over emotional and still focused on the break up. If you want your ex back you need to get over the break up letting the past go. Read up on the Holy Trinity and apply this to your life where you can so that your ex can see you are making positive steps to improve yourself and your life, especially career wise as this seemed to have caused issues from the start

  6. Avatar

    anonymous

    March 13, 2020 at 4:51 pm

    Hi, i have a unique situation where I was seeing someone, dating but not officially together since october last year. Talking every day, never had a single argument etc. We never talked about mutual exclusivity so he started hanging out with a girl who he says was just a friend but hid from me, and then proceeded to post a picture of out on a date. I dont doubt he liked me as he was engaged in convo all the time with me, would get jealous if i was hanging out with friends if I didn’t specify they were girls etc. But i confronted him about this girl, and he lied to me. So i got very angry at him and very emotional as I was hurt. He then blocked me on whatsapp and imessage, but not instagram. I then saw he was using his second instagram to watch my stories as soon as he blocked me. I posted a picture of me out but not specifically with anyone and he deleted his stalking insta – im assuming out of not wanting to see anymore.

    How do i resolve it? Currently at 7 days no contact and haven’t attempted to contact him – what would be the best way to break NC? Via instagram after 30 days?

    Just very confused as to how approach then getting him back as we were very well suited and literally never had any issues

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 12:52 am

      Hey there, so when you have completed a 30 day no contact, you reach out with a text that Chris suggest. I would recommend that you read some more articles and watch videos so that you understand how ex recovery works before the end of your NC

  7. Avatar

    Ds

    March 7, 2020 at 12:23 pm

    I blocked my ex on social media after terrible advice from friends and when I broke no contact after a week (one week after break up) he said he noticed I blocked him and he did care so I unblocked him but that’s it. Should I follow him again? Or just let it be? I’m back on the no contact grind. I am friends with mutuals who have since posted that they are hanging out with me on their social media and he’s seen it. Are my chances ruined?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 9, 2020 at 9:51 pm

      Hi Ds leave the social media as it is for now. He is unblocked so that is most important. If you are in no contact and that you are spending time with your friends too this is starting the process, keep to no contact and make sure you read the materials so that you know what you are doing throughout this process and how to work up the value ladder

  8. Avatar

    Sabrina

    March 6, 2020 at 4:53 pm

    My ex and I broke up a month ago, we had been together for 10 months and living together. We were trying to figure things out and she was open that she wasn’t sure what she wanted but continued to say I love you and I miss you. She would call me during the week. We discussed trying to date other people and she started seeing another girl. I decided that I was unable to handle this and set boundaries. It has been 5 days of no contact. She has blocked me on her phone but not on facebook. Is this a lost cause?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 6:22 pm

      Hi Sabrina, not it is not a lost cause and you did the right thing by setting boundaries and starting a no contact. She now knows you wont stand for being made to feel badly. After 30 days if she has not unblocked you then you are forced to stay in your No Contact but if not you can reach out with a text that Chris suggests, but look up the being there method also

  9. Avatar

    Anonymous

    January 24, 2020 at 7:50 pm

    Hi my boyfriend and I had been dating for about a year. He’s like in love with me, even his family loves me and tells me that he acts the way he acts because of how much he cares. The only thing is that he’s extremely insecure, he feels as if he’s not worth my love so therefore sometimes we could be really great and sometimes he could be feeling really down because he’s uncertain if I really love him as much as I say. He’s been hurt before by other women and he thinks I just may be like them. His thoughts are if I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. What makes him think other men may not think that and I’ll just end up leaving him for someone else. But that’s not the case. I love him. We moved in together which was great because we were spending the night with each other everyday anyways. But I had to move to the next state with my older sibling because they’re in the military and they wanted to be there and help me while I go through the process of joining and selecting a job… being that my boyfriend is so insecure he had doubts about me not going away or going to boot camp. But being in the school for your job after boot camp with other men. I tried to reassure him that that’s not my concern my concern is to make a better life for myself, for us. So I still ended up moving Because even though he knew he may not like the idea he was happy for me to do so. He knew it’d be best for me and that’s all he really wants. Been away for three weeks. Literally for the whole three weeks he’s been hounding me about me and other men and how this can’t work because he’s too insecure for long distance relationships. Then one day he came to his senses and said he loves me. He’s do anything for me. He wanted me to tell him what he needs to do in order for this to work. We discussed eloping and him moving to where I’m stationed once I get my first command. Then next thing you know I realized I was blocked.. like a hard block… it’s been three days. So at first I reached out to him in different ways before I found this website. Mainly because I was shocked, devastated, and in denial that this could be especially given our last conversation. Ever way I reached out, he just ignored. I’m willing to do the NC rule and see if I can get him back. It just hurts that’d he’d just block me when we were supposed to be on good terms and with no explanation. And I’m just wondering is it even worth it? Do you think he’d come back? Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 25, 2020 at 10:40 pm

      Hey there, I think following the no contact rule is going to be the best way forward for you. Working on yourself in the mean time so that you do speak with him he can see you are a better version of you and how much you’ve grown. However if he does not want to do a long distance relationship and this is going to be a consistent issue for you both then you may want to consider what is best. If in the mean time he does not work on his insecurities then your relationship will go through challenges often

  10. Avatar

    Ally

    January 19, 2020 at 5:34 am

    My ex and I dated for two years, we broke up three weeks ago, and I have followed NC to a T. My social media has been incredibly UG, and I’ve been widening my social circle. The breakup has been amicable and I was accommodating when he wanted to pick up his things, I left them on the porch and per his request directed him to leave my stuff on the porch. He has not left my things but retrieved his. Last night after playing at my local bar (he’s a musician) he blocked me on Facebook and IG. Without me reaching out or doing anything. Will he reach out again? What’s my next move? Do I reach out in a week as planned or extend my NC from 30 days to 45? Is NC working or am I doing something wrong?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 1:41 pm

      Hey Ally, so this would show more that he had some sort of emotional moment when you were on his mind and he blocked you as he did not want to see how you were doing. I would say you were doing NC right if this is what has happened. Keep going as you are, you will see him unblock you eventually just keep strong. Check out Chris video about this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Jp4CRVdUfc

  11. Avatar

    nathi Reyes

    January 9, 2020 at 9:13 pm

    Boyfriend and I broke up in November after a year and half together with our children involved. We were together 24-7 and he even gave me keys to his home… We got into it right before christmas really ugly bec he said he was seeing someone but I think could have been for a reaction. boy did he get one! He blocked me after we I went ape shit on him and its been two weeks since i been blocked.. I was so mad that i started emailing him because I was so upset… now that I have settled my emotions is it possible with me not emailing him anymore he’ll reach out? Hard because our kids are so close and his family have been very involved. He told his sis he need time to figure his stuff out and sort his life out.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 13, 2020 at 11:33 pm

      Hey Nathi, so it sounds complicated, but you need to do a No Contact for at least 30 days and this means that you do not speak to his family or friends about him, the relationship, the break up or the future that involves him. You have to work on yourself, and learn how to control your emotions. Even though he said he was seeing someone for a reaction, the calmer and more composed you could have been would have more of an impact on him than you being angry and upset like he expects. Read as many articles that apply to you here and make sure you stick to your NC while he works on his stuff, you work on yours ready to be the best version of yourself when you speak to him next

  12. Avatar

    Anonymous

    January 2, 2020 at 1:10 am

    Hey, I recently dated a guy for not very long at all, less than a month… We immediately hit it off, and we talked nonstop every day since knowing each other. There was an attraction and attachment between us right away, but after we had met in person the first time, things went wrong so quickly. He lives about a two hour commute away from me, but he still chose to come see me, and throughout the whole date, we were totally into each other, and we had spent the whole date talking and cuddling.
    However, when we had to part ways, he was completely crushed, and he admitted that the distance between us hurt too much, and as he kept texting me, he turned more and more frustrated. He and his ex had broken up because of distance 2-3 months before he met me… After I had tried to reassure him, he broke up with me, saying that I was the girl of his dreams and he loves me, but he had to figure himself out first. I felt so panicked and lashed out at him a bit… And I also contacted him the next morning, which he didn’t respond to. And then I again contacted him the next day or so asking to meet up in person so we could talk. He declined, but he told me he’d talk to me later on in the day. This time, however, he was cold and told me he still had feelings for his ex. He said he couldn’t be happy with me. He was so blunt, which really shocked me because he was always so careful about hurting my feelings. We then agreed to be friends, but I checked snapchat in the middle of the night, and I found out he had deleted me. I know now I should have initiated no contact, but I hadn’t known to do it at the time.
    He won’t even talk about it to his closest friend (the friend had introduced us) even though he’s usually very sensitive and shares his feelings quite a lot. I’m giving him time to get over his ex and sort his feelings out, but how much time should I give him? And will he ever readd me even though he has such a fear of engaging in a long distance relationship again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 5, 2020 at 12:45 am

      Hey there, so you need to start this process with a no contact and work on yourself during this time. When it comes to getting him to want to be in a long distance relationship, you need to consider if it is going to be long term or not. If it is then you have to make him re attract him enough to make him want to commit.

  13. Avatar

    Anon

    December 21, 2019 at 2:24 pm

    Hi

    I started speaking with a guy i met online for the last 3 months – we became extremely close in a short space of time and we both developed strong feelings.

    We planned to meet but unfortunately had a fall out before this could ever happen.

    He would show signs of insecurity which would lead to us arguing and i would sometimes end up blocking him from everything so he couldn’t contact me for a day.

    He would hate that i would do this but I equally hated his accusations towards me based on his insecurities.

    A few days ago he told me that he had had enough of the way i blocked him and the arguments and I apologised for the way i had been.

    He then went back on the dating app and said it was because i had told him i was done before blocking him.

    I explained that u blocked him because i needed space.

    We reconnected after a few days and he was hot and cold wth me for a week saying he wanted to take it slow. He told me that he missed me every day that we didnt speak and looked at our conversations and pictures every day.

    He didnt call me as much the week after.
    I became paranoid because he was back on the app and I didn’t understand how he went from being so into me and in contact all day and night, to this.

    Naturally I assumed that maybe his attention had been focused on someone else though when i asked he said he wasn’t speaking with anyone else.

    That week it felt he was making excuses for why we may not work and i gad a gut feeling he wanted to end it.

    He promised to call me one evening and then didnt and i called and text him but he had read my messages and ignored me.
    again i was paranoid and i said to him i was going to hang around as a backup whilst he got to know other women.

    He responded to this saying that he ignored my calls purposely just like i had blocked him for a whole day previously – this made no sense since we had already got over that and i had apologised since.

    He said he was cutting all ties with me and I haven’t heard from him since.

    It had been 3 days and I’ve not contacted him either.

    I would like to think that he is missing me and thinking of me – because we were too involved in each other’s daily lives for him to not think of me even if he is talking to other girls.

    He admitted that us getting too close too soon was toxic – but for me his insecurities were more toxic.

    The week before he ended it he knew i had been crying over him and wanted us to work out – so now i assume he thinks that i am crying now too in a depressed state and maybe that’s why he ended it so abruptly where in the past he would always come back to me after we had similar arguments.

    Maybe he thinks i will reach out – he deleted me off snapchat and i cannot see his profile picture on whatsapp so im not sure if he has deleted my number or blocked me.

    I was able to message him on iMessage 3 days ago so he hadnt blocked me on there.

    I miss him terribly and would do anything to make us work. I know what changes to make to make us work but he needs to want the same.

    Im not sure what is going through his head but i hope no contact will work.

    Like i said we never got the chance to meet though we don’t live too fat r from each other – we became extremely close and it felt like we had known each other forever we would call and facetime often.

    Is there still hope for us? I know he had very strong feelings for me initially and thought very highly of me until he started to tell me the things i said when we argued would make his blood boil and he couldn’t be with someone like that.

    I do think my positives would outweight that for him and once his emotions of anger settle he will miss that.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2019 at 8:03 pm

      Hey there, so honestly I think he is right that this was so intense way way too soon! You didnt let it grow naturally to let a real connection develop it was so rushed and went wrong because you do not know each other that well so arguments are bound to blow up the situation as you do not know how each other function in a relationship yet, if you want to guy back you have to do a no contact and then reach out as a friend casually and start slowly

  14. Avatar

    Ag

    December 14, 2019 at 8:31 am

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me two months ago because he cheated on me and I said extreme mean things to him out of anger and frustration. Due to that he blocked me everywhere.
    I am in no contact for 30 days but he still has blocked me. The problem is that I see him 3-4 times a week because he is my coach I ignore him during that time and he ignores me and is also very mean to me. I don’t know how to handle the situation. I miss him so much but I don’t want him back because he mentally and physically abused me. But I am so angry that he doesn’t even care or apologize to me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 14, 2019 at 10:23 pm

      Ag, if he has been mentally and physically abusive, I suggest reporting this to his line of work as well as the authorities as he could start with a new girl and abuse her the same. Also change coaches, even if its difficult to find a new (assuming) team it is better than being around someone who has hurt you in those ways!

  15. Avatar

    Lucy

    December 9, 2019 at 9:17 pm

    Thank you so much for your kind words Shaunna.
    We have no friends in common and it was a very short term relationship, I don’t see the way he could see/know how my life is doing.
    Even though I regret my mistakes, I guess the best I can do is work on myself and see this as a “missed train”, trying not to seek and obsess over him unblocking me.
    Again, thanks for your support, you have really helped me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 11, 2019 at 8:38 pm

      Im glad its helped stay positive exes do eventually reach out so in the mean time, focus on you! <3

  16. Avatar

    Lucy

    December 9, 2019 at 8:01 am

    Thanks Shaunna. What you say gives me some hope but it´s been 32 days already and he hasn’t unblocked me… He has no social media, so I’m blocked on the phone (calls, text message, WA..). I don’t know, its hard and I think about this a lot during my days…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 9, 2019 at 7:08 pm

      So Lucy, I’m not sure on your age but in the day you are either going to be in school or working I assume, but in your free time that is when you need to start doing things that make you happy. (Mine during my break up was cleaning, reading and walking)

      As your ex has no social media and only have a phone for him then it classed as a hard block, but it does not mean mutual friends of his wont tell him what you are doing online and posting about so make sure your profile is looking very UG. 32 days feels like a long time for you, but people from the Private Facebook Group have been blocked for 3 months and then get unblocked to an ex who is more ready to speak with them. So try keep a positive mindset and focus on your Ungettable Girl work for now

  17. Avatar

    Anonymous

    December 8, 2019 at 4:22 pm

    I dated my ex for two months but we were together all the time, talked about a future together, the works. He moved a couple weeks ago 4 hours away for a job but we said it was doable because it’s driving distance and we wanted to be with each other so we were going to make it work.
    Last week, he was supposed to come see me and the night before, we were on the phone. I did push him a little about other girls and him being out so late partying and asking what time he was coming to see me and that I wanted him to come early bc I missed him.
    He seemed a bit off and I know I annoyed him but then it went back to normal. I went to bed, I woke up at 1am to a generic breakup text, not even an I’m sorry, just that he wasn’t feeling this serious long distance relationship, thinks I’m awesome, enjoyed our time together and that it was nothing I did wrong. he sent it while he was out at another party.
    Then he hard blocked me on everything and I haven’t heard from him since, never got any response to understand why he was breaking up with me, nothing. Just completely erased me like I was nothing.
    I don’t think I would want to get back with someone who could do that to me. But it’s hard for me to move on, not having any answers, I don’t understand the hard block if I did nothing wrong and it was just the distance according to him? Did he do something at that party or wanted to do something so he broke up with me so he wouldn’t feel guilty? Did he just really not want to drive the couple hours to see me so he ended it?
    Or was I just not enough anymore?
    it’s haunting me and I don’t know what to do, will I ever get unblocked?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 11, 2019 at 8:18 pm

      Hey K so usually exes unblock eventually so you are just going to have to be patient. Where you just focus on yourself and how to get over the break up and be the best version of yourself while he gets over his own negative emotions

  18. Avatar

    Lucy

    December 7, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    Thanks for the reply Shaunna. I guess I’m afraid even that he forgets he has me blocked.. I’m not sure If I want him back, but I feel sorry and guilty for having invaded his space so much and for what he might be thinking about me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 8, 2019 at 9:47 pm

      He wont forget you are blocked as when he starts feeling less hurt/angry you will cross his mind and he will remember you are blocked. Normally exes unblock you within 6 months

  19. Avatar

    Lucy

    December 4, 2019 at 9:27 pm

    Hi,
    I have dated this guy for 3 months and things were kind of good until I told him I had some doubts.. like i didn’t know were things were with me at that time, didn´t know if I wanted to continue seeing him, etc.. He was disappointed and told me that he needed some time to think about my doubts etc. When he said that to me, I absolutely regret having told him about my doubts and felt that I made a big mistake by sabotaging something that was starting and felt good. So, 2 weeks later and after sorting things out together, I did it again and pushed him too much by “demanding” more time together.. a big mistake again. He talked with me and told me that he didn’t want to try thing anymore. I felt so bad, started texting him to get him back and he blocked me, saying that he was dissaponted and he didn’t want me to upset and make him feel anxious anymore. Almost a month have passed after this, he hasn’t unblocked me and, even though I understand his decision, I regret my mistakes and would like to talk with him.. By your experience, is there any chance that he will unblock me?. Many thanks!.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 10:32 pm

      Hi Lucy, so yes there is a chance but it will just take time

  20. Avatar

    Kira

    December 4, 2019 at 6:10 pm

    Hey there,
    My ex boyfriend and I dated for 4 years in high school. We broke up towards the end of our senior year. Fast forward to age 20, we got back together for a short time and ended up ghosting me. Coincidently, i ran into him the same day he ghost me at a restaurant with his friends. I confront him and he said i should move on because hes doing bad things and dont want me to drag down with him. Turns out he was on drugs. We broke up and moved on. He cleaned himself up and We both ended up getting married to other people. Years down the road up to 5 months ago, we both happen to be in process of separating frm our spouses and we rekindled a relationship. But in Aug. I told him i was scared and didnt want this. We broke up and he was upset. Less than a month later we got back together again. but he dumped me at the end of Oct. He said that its because of his kids but i suspected he wanted to make things work again with his wife. I did the no contact thing but broke it less than 3 weeks in. He was saying he wasnt sure if he was completely healed from his ex wife situation but still loved me. He said he wanted try again. We ended up talking all night about how much we missed each other and wanted to be together. We planned to meet the next day. But things fell through. As we were arranging another meet up time through text, he said “oh by the way, not to worry you but im going to visit my friend Ashley soon to say my goodbyes. Shes dying”. He sent me screen shots of their conversation s but things were not adding up and i was getting suspicious. I got up set. He re assured their just friends. I told him i wanted a few days to think and we’ll meet up on Sun. He agreed on it. The day we were supposed to meet up, he sends me a text 2:30am saying, “Ive given this a lot of thought.. And I think you need to forget about me.  Your hurting and trying to heal.  But I see those pictures with your daughters and you and I don’t want to take that away.  I don’t want you to walk away from that.  The way I feel doesn’t matter at this point. Ive hurt you enough and I don’t want to do it again.  I understand how you feel about me.  I understand there is a lot of trust issues between me and you and that’s my fault.  I want you to forget all about me Kira.  I refuse to keep hurting you this way and screwing with your head.  So I’m going to do what I have to. And I know it will be hard.  I’m so sorry Kira”. I went to respond and saw he blocked me on his phone and facebook. I called him through my friends phone and he answered knowing its me. He said the same thing that he didnt want to hurt me anymore and drag me down. He told me what ever i do to not respond if he tries to reach out. I told him i loved him but he wouldnt say it back. He was very quiet and sounded sad but not crying. I asked if it was good bye and he said he dont know. So i said “well ill leave you alone. You know how I feel…” and hung up. ts been 7 days of NC..i pretty much think i blew my chances. Do you think the NC wont work in this situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 8:29 pm

      Hey Kira, yes No Contact would work but I suggest doing the longer version of 45 days

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