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6,764 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. Avatar

    scarlet

    May 31, 2020 at 12:46 pm

    Hi
    My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. He said that he don’t love me anymore but he still care about me. what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 1, 2020 at 11:44 pm

      Hi Scarlet, you need to start your No Contact and work on your Holy Trinity. Read articles so that you understand how the program works.

  2. Avatar

    Cris

    May 31, 2020 at 9:18 am

    Hello. My ex boyfriend broke up with me 7 months ago because I was very confused about us. We were in an almost 6-years serious relationship and we were talking about marriage, when I started to feel attracted to another man. When he discovered it, he said he couldn’t trust me anymore, even if with this other man nothing happened at all. In January we had a 30-days no contact and he was the one who went out with a message first because of my birthday in February, asking me out. Since then, we went out other two times and everything seemed positive. Then there has been the lockdown situation and we continued texting frequently during these 2 months; we also had two pretty long phone calls. Since the situation is now better, 10 days ago I decided to ask him out with an excuse but he said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea we see each other because he doesn’t want me to feel bad about it and to misunderstand his intentions. I explained him I feel much better about the situation between us and that he doesn’t have to worry for me. I wrote him two days ago just to be sure he is ok and he sent me some positive vocal messages but he didn’t say anything about our eventual meeting. I don’t know what to do next. I’m thinking about taking again a no contact period because I feel really frustrated right now. What do you suggest? I’m really determined to get him back. I think he is just feeling afraid about seeing me and maybe reconsider our breakup. He has always been stubborn. Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 9, 2020 at 11:50 pm

      Hey Cris, if you feel you need a NC again then you can do one but remember they lose effectiveness each time you restart it. Keep in mind when it comes to meeting up you need to be working up the value ladder to reach that point. Starting with the texting phase, then phone calls, but this can take a number of weeks to get your ex to want to meet up

  3. Avatar

    Lonely

    May 31, 2020 at 8:23 am

    Hi,

    It has been 39 days after my ex has blocked me everywhere. He did that because I told his parents about his drug abuse. It was completely getting out of control, as he was drinking, doing drugs and driving at the same time.

    I’m planning on inviting him to meet me halfway. What are your thoughts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 8:50 pm

      Hey Lonely, it does not sound like a good idea. I think your ex needs to focus on getting better before he enters into a relationship again. You need to focus on your Holy Trinity and read the Ungettable information so you know your worth and what you will accept the best for you and nothing less

  4. Avatar

    Rose

    May 30, 2020 at 9:06 am

    My boyfriend and I had been dating almost 2 years. About a year back I broke up with him to have break from everything and to get back all what I had lost during our relationship. But that break ended soon and we got back together. 6 days back my boyfriend stopped calling me and when I called him he said that he wanted to stop everything because he was not good for me and he was toxic. He also said that this wouldn’t work out because we are of different religions. We were so much in love with each other. He also said that he was in a bad mood and was not interested in anything at all. I think he left me due to his mood swings that resulted from sitting home during the lockdown. But I am facing a lot of issues now. I couldn’t eat or sleep. Even my parents are bothered about my condition. I can’t stop calling or texting him even though he is not responding. I know for sure that he loves me a lot and it is his mood swings that made him say that he doesn’t love me anymore. I really want him back. Today I decided to start the no contact rule. But I m scared whether he would avoid me for the rest of my life.

  5. Avatar

    Sofia

    May 19, 2020 at 6:18 pm

    We were in a relationship for 4 years..but he is not interested to talk with me anymore and when I avoid talking he say that It is my ego..But I really love him though I think I am not good at expressing my feelings but 2 days ago when I said that I love you so much but he didn’t replied and what now stop doing this drama..But I had decided not to talk him so I blocked his number and his sisters too so that he couldn’t contact from that number my he texted from next number that his sister thinks that I am not good and I have ego…He also thought that I have ego and I don’t have any feelings and I am very cruel..
    Please tell me how to fix this mess..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 8:23 pm

      Hi Sofia, so you would need to give your ex 45 day No Contact as you need to give him some time to be less angry and upset but the thoughts he has. You also need to spend some time working on yourself and showing that you are not cruel and that you are a kind person who doesn’t think of their own ego

  6. Avatar

    Anna

    May 13, 2020 at 6:51 pm

    Hello,
    I have been in a long distance relationship with my partner for 1 and half year. It’s been one of the best relationships, we were really close and in love, and we were having plans for the future.
    But he broke up with saying that he does not love me anymore, which for me is still hard to believe given the fact that the day before we were talking how to close the distance after this pandemic is over.
    The next day after the break-up, he texted me that he wants to see me again. I texted him back: OK. I will wait for you. Let me know when you can come. And no answer for 3 days… i get it that he cannot do anything right now given the fact there are so many flights bans, but I think he should have said something….
    I am going to live my life, to take care of myself, ignore him for some weeks… maybe 45 since he was really harsh, but I am still wondering if I should text him to leave as it is and that I will come back to you when I think its ok to meet. I dont like that “I will wait for you”. I wanted to say that I wait for his reply, not waiting for him my whole life or something like…
    Or maybe he thinks that I will get mad at him by not replying, and that I will surely reply to him.
    Anyway what do you think I should do?
    Thank you.
    All the best,
    A

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 26, 2020 at 11:01 pm

      Hey Anna, I would suggest that you complete a 45 day No Contact and stick with it no matter what he sends to you, unless he says the words ” I want to get back together” you need to ignore all other attempts for your attention.

  7. Avatar

    ANTONIA

    May 13, 2020 at 12:23 am

    Hi! I recently had an old university crush coming back after 6 years of silence. I was happy when he called me with camera and we both looked very excited. We both admitted to feel strongly attracted to each other even now and we chatted for about 2 weeks. He asked me if I date someone, I said no and he also said that he is not dating. He was acting super emotional and I could feel that he was opening up in front of me and was genuinely interested. However, I when tried to contact him, he ignored me. I tried again and he still ignored me and at first I could not understand why was he reacting like this. We did not argue, on the contrary, he was xomplimenting me, telling me how beautiful and amazing I am, suggesting that we should definitely meet up in summer. When I realized taht he is purposefully ignoring me when calling him on camera, I waited for an answer but he kept silent. I then blocked him and stopped any interaction. I do like him but he cannot and should not treat me according to his moods. What rule should I apply? Since we have a history together and I saw that after so many years, he still likes me I would like to givw him a chance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 13, 2020 at 12:43 pm

      Hi Antonia, I would follow the NC for 30 days

  8. Avatar

    Maria Herrera

    May 8, 2020 at 2:48 am

    My boyfriend and I had been dating almost 2 years. We haven’t officially broken up but got into a fight over the weekend and haven’t talked for about 6 days. I’ve noticed he’s developed a drinking problem this year and doesn’t know how to control it. I’ve discussed my concerns with him on 3 different occasions because when he’s drunk his attitude towards me changes completely and he’s angry. I asked that he limit his alcohol intake and he said he would but he ended up drinking way too much and didn’t want to stop and come home with me. I was so upset because I felt he’s being disrespectful and inconsiderate. He’s so stubborn that he won’t ever admit when he’s in the wrong. I feel he’s not the same person anymore and I deserve to be treated better. He’s always told me he loves me and wants a future together but I don’t believe it anymore. It just hurts that he hasn’t even bothered to reach out to me or at least apologize. I’m not sure if I’m doing right by cutting him off too but I hate that he always chooses to ignore our issues and ghost me. Do you think he’ll ever realize what he’s lost? Will he ever call me again? How long should I go without responding if he does reach out?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 19, 2020 at 11:46 am

      Hi Maria, I would suggest that you complete a 30 day NC and then reach out if you want to reconcile after that

  9. Avatar

    Rachel

    May 7, 2020 at 2:24 pm

    Hi
    So my ex broke up with me a few days ago. For background information, I’m 22 years old and he’s 25 years old. We were friends before we dated and I always had more feelings for him than he did for me. We were in a relationship for 4 months. However we “dated” unofficially on and off for about 6 months before then. During this 6 month time we “broke up” twice. Once because he didn’t feel as affectionate towards me for a day and he took that as a sign that things weren’t going to work. Once because I wanted us to be in a committed relationship and if we weren’t then I wanted to just be friends. We entered a relationship 2 months after that and things were fine. We had a two disagreements in the 4 months but were able to compromise and sort them out. However since the social distancing started he became more distanced and less affectionate. We ended up arguing more having our third and worst argument yet. A few weeks later he told me his feelings were gone and he hadn’t felt them since social distancing started. He said he never felt love towards me and was never really in the relationship in the first place. Going on online dates with me felt like he was hanging out with a friend not connecting with a partner. He said I had qualities or ways of expressing myself that he didn’t jive with (ie. Qualities he didn’t normally look for in friends, partners or people/qualities he was indifferent to/he didn’t feel like he connected with me as much as his other friends). He won’t tell me what things are wrong though because he says the qualities I have aren’t bad, just different and I shouldn’t try to change them. I want him back and I’ve entered a 30 day no contact but I’m a little worried. Can no contact work in situations like mine where my ex never felt love for me but still had some connection and cared about me? Also how do I tell the difference between if he’s contacting or talking to me because he missed me as his friend rather than his girlfriend?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 13, 2020 at 12:31 pm

      Hi Rachel, its great you started you NC and make sure you stick to it for at least 30 days. And when/ if he does reach out to you there isnt going to be a way to tell if hes doing so as a friend or missing you as a girlfriend until you have worked up the value ladder, one thing I must say is unless he meets someone else and gets into a relationship you should avoid being friend zoned again as you want him back at this point. The only time you are going to be open to being in the friend zone is if he has a new relationship and you need to do the being there method.

  10. Avatar

    Martin

    May 4, 2020 at 8:23 pm

    So my boyfriend (we were in a gay relationship) does not want to see me since 3 months ago, he said he needed space, so i agreed, but i guest i was too clingy in my text to him, he stopped texting me since early march, and i kept reaching out to him( always in a positive note and telling him i love him) he barely replied sometimes he doesnt, at 29th march he finally blocked me, i went over to his place, and knock, he never opened, later that day he texted me and i asked if he still wanted me, he said “not right now” and i replied with a sweet text, basicly saying i still love him and will be waiting for him until we formally broke off or we got back together, he replied okay(with a smiley emoji) and said i could text him as long as i didn’t mention love (or sex),so in april i texted 3 times and he barely replied, i’m now in my 6th day of no contact should i keep this up for 30 days? Since i havent seen him in almost 3 months?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Martin yes it is important that you follow the No Contact rule now but I suggest that you do a 45 day No Contact period and then reach out in the style of texting that Chris suggests in his articles and videos

  11. Avatar

    Rachel

    May 3, 2020 at 2:21 am

    The other question I have is my ex boyfriend and I are friends. We tried dating for 10 months but we are social distancing his feelings went away and he broke up with me. He’s made a definitive conclusion that I’m not right for him and he never had strong feelings for me and doesn’t want to meet in person or wait until we’re done social distancing to assess how he feels. I’ve initiated a 30 day no contact. My question is how do I know when he reaches out positively, he’s reaching out because he misses me and wants to connect to me as his girlfriend and not just his friend?

  12. Avatar

    Liza

    April 28, 2020 at 9:32 am

    Hi, I really need your help. I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years now. We love each other and we really care for each other. I told my parents about him and he has been planning for moving into a bigger house, so we can marry next year or at least get engaged. Through out the relationship, we have had our ups n downs. He doesnt express love in words but in his actions sometimes. I have always been a person who expresses more, but he just cant reciprocate that much. I had accepted that gradually. However, for the past 4 months,we have been having fights and arguments 3-4 times a month. I would go silent after being treated badly. He would come later with apologies. It has been an on n off relationship for so long that we speak for 20 days in a month and 10 days we don’t speak at all.
    I don’t know i have pulled NC a couple of times but not more 10 days. 3 days back we had a stupid fight, since then he hasn’t called or texted, neither have i. We just stopped speaking, i don’t want to seen as a needy person. I am the person who reaches out the most after a fight, even he does that(only when he has screwed up and he realizes that). I feel he doesn’t value me much. He has been active on Instagram and Facebook. Not posting much but can see him online every now n then.I guess i am obsessing over him, it is making me nuts. I don’t know if its a breakup or a break. I am confused if he is the right person for me or not.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 5, 2020 at 9:41 pm

      Hi Liza, I cant really tell you if he is the right person for you or not but if he is not making you happy – which it seems the case right now, then maybe this isn’t what you are looking for in a relationship.

  13. Avatar

    Amelia

    April 26, 2020 at 2:33 pm

    My ex broke up with me 3 days ago. He is going through a tough time in lockdown he has lots of mental illness. He says he doesn’t know how he feels anymore and the timing is bad. He says it has nothing to do with the lockdown but this is when I noticed a difference and I know he is struggling. He would like to stay friends and still wants me in his life, he suggested that it would be nice to meet him in 2 weeks. I Have initiated no contact straight away, he said he will not message me as the ball should be in my court. Our relationship started a year and a half ago we always have fun together and have had many trips and have fun trips planned. The only problem is this is my first proper relationship and he has had a few, he believes I need to do things for me and be less dependant on the relationship for example see old friends more often or have more hobbies. I can see a future and he said never say never and maybe in the future so I guess I’m a bit lost. Going forward I think maybe no contact for 21 days and evaluate then if I need 30 days. I am going to pick up a hobby at home and show I am making an effort with old friends. I think him seeing that I am okay without him will make me more appealing and our relationship can progress. I want to show him that we can have our own lives and still be together. He even said we had fun together and it’s good things haven’t ended bad. I am afraid he not message me as he said he wouldn’t, I am also fearful he will forget about me.

  14. Avatar

    Beryl

    April 23, 2020 at 9:53 pm

    Hi Chris,
    So we were together for 2 years then he cheated so then he apologized but i kept pushing him away until he dated the lady so we’ve been back for 5 months and we argued alot about the lady he cheated with before because the keeps contacting him. Now am 1 month pregnant he already proposed but now packed and left him yesterday . I tried apologizing but now he is not replying any of my text nor calls.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 11:08 am

      Hi Beryl I would suggest that you follow a limited NC where you only speak about your pregnancy. But I do suggest that you slow everything right down. 30 days lnc and decide if you can forgive him for the cheating or not. As you need to be settled secure and happy before baby arrives. Either together as a couple or apart where you co parent positively

  15. Avatar

    Jessica

    April 22, 2020 at 9:17 pm

    What if my birthday falls within the time period and he decides to wish me a happy birthday? Do I ignore that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 22, 2020 at 9:42 pm

      Yes Jessica, you need to ignore that too

  16. Avatar

    Tammie

    April 21, 2020 at 8:38 pm

    I ended it with my ex because I thought I could be treated better couple weeks later a met someone just causal dinner etc , my ex found out n went mental I stopped it, 4 months down the line I was strong never met anything thinking we would come back together and he would realise what he lost .. we went a walk a week ago and I told him I wanted to try at that time he said he was seeing his ex the mother to his wein but wanted me and try again so I was willing to get over that and try again but now he’s saying he needs a few days as he is scared we go back again and it’s the same arguments . And am going crazy can’t stop crying don’t know what to do trying not to contact him but I keep contacting him when I think he should be contacting me and making the effort n I feel am Waitint on him now to make a decision when it should be me and I don’t know what to don

  17. Avatar

    Jules Antonette Alamin

    April 20, 2020 at 2:55 pm

    Is there a way that you can advise me more on how to use the no contact rule on our case?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 10:31 pm

      Hi Jules what is it that you want to know about NC?

  18. Avatar

    Lola

    April 19, 2020 at 10:26 am

    Hi ! We had a long distance relationship for 2 and a half years. He broke up with me because he said “there were a lot of things that i didnt like in ower relationship about u” . He told me he soesnt see a furure with me anymore and we reached a point we cant turn back. Also he ia seen someone else. We talked for 10 days, me begging for him to give us a chance but he said NO to all of if nomatter what i said to him. As much as i want to believe that there is a chance, i cant see it …the new woman in his life and he is a person who once decided, he doesn’t come back on his decisions. So in feel hopeless…
    (Sorry for the grammar but my native language is not english)

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 12:53 pm

      Hi Lola, you need to complete 45 days NC and then implement the being there method

  19. Avatar

    Tamia

    April 19, 2020 at 9:16 am

    Hi,
    I met this guy and we’ve were seeing each other for about a year. He is nice and we don’t fight. Im the first person he dated after his divorce and I’ve been very patient not pushing him or pressing him for too much. The issue is, he blows hot and cold, one minute he gives a lot of affection, the next he’s distant. Ive mentioned it on a couple of occasions and asked for us to end things because I find that change in mood difficult to deal with but he’s always asked me to stay.
    I was feeling down about the situation and I ended things because I don’t know what he wants sometimes and other times I don’t feel wanted. I do love him and want to be with him.
    I’ve tried NC rule but gave in and checked on him, He did respond and was not mean. Should I restart the NC rule or what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 6:09 pm

      Hey Tamia, yes restart as he is going to assume that you are just upset and will come back. Does he know why you ended the relationship? Work on the information about becoming Ungettable and apply this to your life best you can

  20. Avatar

    Meryam

    April 14, 2020 at 3:32 pm

    What if my ex doesn’t reach out to me at all?
    And if the relationship was long distance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 14, 2020 at 8:57 pm

      Hi Meryam, after you have completed your No Contact period you are supposed to reach out to them with a text like Chris suggests, you can read texting articles or watch his videos to help you create a first text idea

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