This is a complete guide for how to make your ex miss you without talking to them.

So, if you’re looking for:

  • What actually makes an ex miss you.
  • The role no contact plays into that.
  • How attachment theory plays a role.

Then you are definitely in the right place.

Let’s begin!

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Making An Ex Miss You Without Talking To Them

If you’re trying to get your ex back, one of the crucial steps is to make them actually miss you. Now some people have the completely wrong idea here and think that talking to their ex is the only way to make them miss you.

That’s not really true!

You can make your ex miss you without even talking to them thanks to the no contact rule.

So, what is the no contact rule?

Here’s the updated 2021 definition of the no contact rule that we’ve come up with after almost a decade of experimentation and seeing what actually works in real life:

The no contact rule is a period of time where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should not be to make your ex miss you, but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so you can outgrow your ex. By doing this the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you.

See how making your ex miss you is more of an afterthought rather than the main purpose of the no contact rule?

The key to a successful no-contact rule is the intent behind it.

Most people only look at no contact as a tactic of playing hard to get and making their ex miss them, but over the years we’ve seen that approach fail time and time again. After all, if all you did during no contact was obsess over your ex, what’s changed to make them miss you?

There needs to be some level of self-development or change to make your ex miss you and there’s no way you’ll get there if you spend the whole no contact rule pining over your ex. Instead, you need to seize the no contact rule as an opportunity to concentrate on bettering other elements of your life. That way, you emerge from the no contact period as someone your ex might actually miss.

I recently came across a philosophical concept that perfectly describes this whole process…

The Backwards Law

The backwards law proposes that the more we pursue something, the more we achieve the opposite of what we truly want and the more disappointed we end up feeling.

Or simply put – the harder we try, the less likely we’ll succeed.

You can also flip that around to mean that when we stop trying too hard we’ll have what we want.

You’ve probably heard of or experienced this concept at some point in your life but how does it work with the no contact rule?

A lot of the times we found that people who wanted to use the no contact rule to make an ex miss them without talking to them had really poor results because they went into the no contact rule with the wrong type of intent.

On the flip side, those who went into the no contact rule trying to outgrow their exes actually had the correct kind of intent and often saw that their ex started missing them. So it seems the backwards law is definitely in practice here.

But when you actually sit back and think about the backwards law, there are a few flies in the ointment.

The backwards law is basically the opposite of everything we were taught to do our whole lives. We were conditioned to work hard and give our 100% to everything so we could be rewarded. In fact, willpower is one of the most sought-after qualities in the workforce today.

The concept of working hard to achieve our goals holds true for a lot of things where the backwards law would just fail.

For example, what would you expect if you walk into a final with no preparation or if you intend to lose 10 pounds but keep eating junk food all day? If you expect anything but failure…have I got a hot take for you…

A lot of things in life don’t operate with the backwards law but we shouldn’t count it out just yet.

How the backwards law works during a no contact rule to make an ex miss you

Here’s how I understand the backwards law – the more we seek, the less we find.

So if we’re talking about getting an ex back, the more you hyper-focus on getting them to miss you, the more you miss out on everything else life has to offer.

You see if you want your ex back more than anything in the world you tend to get tunnel vision and forget about everything else. I don’t just mean romantic relationships, I mean everything beyond that like missing out on potential new hobbies, trips with friends, or just doing anything out of your comfort zone!

You’ll be too anxious to concentrate on yourself or building up your life if all you think about is your ex.

Interestingly, if you actually take the focus off your ex and start focusing on yourself and taking advantage of all the possibilities around you, you will actually notice your ex starting to miss you! This has a lot to do about our sense of lack.

Sense of lack and getting an ex to miss you without talking to him

A lot of times throughout life when you’re really anxious about something or you’re experiencing a huge problem like wanting to make your ex miss you, you think to yourself “if I could only make them miss me, that would solve all of my problems.”

However, if you do get your ex to miss you you’ll find that doesn’t solve any of your problems.

We experience this in other areas of life as well, such as our weight loss example.

Let’s say you’re uncomfortable with the way you look and you think to yourself, “if only I looked like person X, I’d be happy.” Now I believe everyone should love the skin they’re in but let’s stick with this for logic’s sake.

Next thing you know you went on a crash diet and started exercising every day till you looked like the person you wanted to look like.

So you lose all this weight and look like that person and then what? You find you have the exact same problems, some of the problems might be less intense but they’ll all still be there. You might even face new problems you didn’t think of before.

This is an interesting concept with regards to how human beings or human psychology works – we often think if we can fix this one specific problem, our problems will be over and we can sit back and relax.

Well, newsflash: according to psychology, we human beings have this survival mechanism that causes us to constantly worry about things. If you stop worrying about one thing you’ll start worrying about the next!

So if you think getting your ex to miss you or getting them back will solve all your problems I’m here to tell you that’s wrong.

Getting your ex back won’t magically solve all your problems. In fact, we’ve done studies to see how often couples we’ve helped get back together actually stay together, and guess what?

Half of the couples that get back together after a breakup end up breaking up again within the first three months.

So clearly their problems were not solved. Now, what does this have to do with making your ex miss you?

If you sit there and think “if I get my ex back, all of my problems will go away”, you’re limiting yourself so you aren’t having the opportunity to stop and enjoy the roses in life.

You’re letting life pass you by as you keep putting off any chance at happiness till you can get your ex back.

Now my wife is great at living in the moment. She can always enjoy experiences as they are happening. Meanwhile, I’m horrible at that. I almost always regret not having more fun after the experiences are over. And that’s kind of the entire point of this…

Don’t be like me and stop watching your life from the sidelines.

If you want your ex to miss you I’m not saying you have to change your personality, I’m saying that you need to change your paradigm.

You must train yourself to use the no-contact rule as a chance to enjoy the finer things in life and work on yourself. And trust me, when your ex sees you living your best life he will be attracted to you again.


The key to making an ex miss you without talking to him is… not trying too hard.

All you really need to do is enact a no-contact rule and let the backwards law do its thing. You should focus on growing yourself as a person and that will give you the best chance of making your ex miss you.

What to Read Next

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129 thoughts on “How to Make Your Ex Miss You Without Talking To Him”

  1. Avatar

    amelia shoon

    February 10, 2021 at 3:56 am

    hi chris, me and my ex end this 2021 feb i didn’t remembered what he says his feelings for me is completely gone he said me cos he found new girl from his country but I still hope him as like I’m crazier girl but he still ignore my feelings instead of understand my feeling he misunderstood me all.i noticed when he changes but i didn’t told him why he changes cos i scary if i tell he will tell me about break up but even u stay blind he told me the end i didn’t played him but he thought I’m played but i don’t know how should i showed him .he says me he love new girl cos that new girl is more sweet than me how he can says me that i want to forget him but i still love him and i still forgive all his mistakes .my fri said me to forget him but i still can’t i already tried best but then end i fail on him .i still love him i already decide he is my last lover but he did changed to feeling for me.he said he is caring and loyal boyfri but the end he did changed he had another girlfriend in his country and he isnult me well .he kill me with his words all time again and again but i forgive him.i enjoy whatever he insult me cos it’s his wishes .i will full his wishes forever.seeen how i am fool .i hope he will back to me

  2. Avatar


    May 25, 2020 at 12:36 am

    Hi Chris,
    Me and my ex ended in January after seeing eachother for a few months and had a period of no contact for 6 weeks after break up.
    He texts from time to time now to check in with me and we have plans to meet up for a weekend the end of July hopefully when lockdown is over. We live 4.5 hrs apart so are planning to meet halfway and have surfing weekend.
    When we were together i can admit when I look back now I came across as needy and I probably wasn’t ready for a relationship with the mindset I had.
    Since January I have done some major work on myself…
    Iv quit smoking and moved home to further my career, iv got a new car and also managed to land myself a small modelling job, iv taken up surfing, I’m getting my teeth fixed and have done some major work on self love and can see a massive improvement in myself.
    Do you think that when we meet and he sees how different I am now and all the accomplishments I have made that he would maybe want to see me again after?
    Also I need to add that when we ended it wasn’t face to face and I would like to see him this one last time in order to say goodbye and move on, I’m not sure now that if he wanted a relationship that I would want it back but it would be nice to walk away and for him to feel he’d made massive mistake.

  3. Avatar


    March 17, 2020 at 2:26 pm

    Hi Chris.

    I met my ex boyfriend when were in our 20s. He was separated from his wife. But he told me he didn’t want to get married it was arranged. He told me he loved me and that I was the girl he wanted to marry. He was my first true love. But circumstances prevailed we came from different backgrounds so I had to break up with him. So he went back to his wife. After that I got married. I love my husband he is a wonderful man to me and my kids. But deep down inside I always knew he was the one I truly loved. His sister and I are close friends. So I always kept in contact with her. Since we broke up and since I got married I found out he cheats excessively on his wife. Eventually we did get into contact with each other after 20 years. But he never revealed how he felt about me. But when he would be around me and my husband he would always act cold and distant and would try to leave as soon as he could. We still kept in contact but he seemed cold and distant. One day I had a pic of a guy friend of mine on my watsapp profile. He got so upset and told me to take it off. The one day he asked me why am I online early hours of the morning. Who am I chatting to. He started acting like a jealous boyfriend. A few days ago we had this argument. So I told him it’s best we do t talk to each other. He messaged me back and told me he will give me my wish. So he blocked me. It breaks my heart because I still love him and I got so use to still having him in my life. I wish I knew what he felt.

  4. Avatar


    November 5, 2019 at 11:14 pm

    Hi. My ex and I recently broke up. We’ve been together for 2 months. I know it’s short, but everything was going great. He was actively discussing about our future, he even gave me the keys to his apartment. I was initially more reserved, but his actions and words slowly opened me up to him and accepted his advances. Everything felt perfect until he got too busy with school and I said some things I didn’t mean. I was complaining about him not spending enough time with me, and it ended up being a cold War via text. When I finally snapped out of it and went to his place to try and talk, he was cold. He said that he thought I’d broken up with him and he’d shut down emotionally to protect himself. (he had a very bad past experience) we talked and I though things were OK, but a week after, he wanted to break up saying that he couldn’t get past that. He wanted a clean break and to have his keys back. He also admitted that he was going through a stressful period (school and family), and if I’d said the same things at another time, it probably wouldn’t have had the same impact on him.

    And after more talking, he said that for us to continue, we needed to become good friends and get to know each other more first. I did NC/limited contact for about a week, before we went on our ‘first date’ to restart things. It’s been a week after that. We’re still meeting this weekend to hang out (I initiated). I’m not sure which phase of the stages in your plan that I should continue with.. Please help. I’m someone who doesn’t let people get too close, so it’s been hard to find someone like him who managed to break down my barriers. I really like him, and feel that what we had was quite special and want to get back together.

  5. Avatar


    August 28, 2019 at 1:33 pm

    Hey if my ex reads this I just want you to know before you left i hope you know i did nothing but believe in you . Not that it would change how awsome your personality realy is. but its inpossible for you to not be withsomeone else knowing how many people are always watching and in there heads know i always get the best,,,youve been the best you havnt ever been the best to me and i did evey thing i could do… Know you know I know how this all happened I truly hate and your family of suveere dirtbag ass people …

  6. Avatar


    August 21, 2019 at 3:07 pm

    Hi Chris – my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years . He’s my best friend .. in the last year we have had to move to 3 homes and remodel them, we have financially been taking care of both his parents and working full time. Things have been very stressful lately and not a lot of time for play… the last house we moved into was on his job site. About 4 weeks ago he came home telling me he was going to lose his job and possibly the house .. he began getting stressed out about work , remodeling and we began to bicker.
    My parents came to visit so I thought the space for us would be good. I stayed with them at there hotel for 2 days … Monday he called me and told me he missed me, he loved me and couldn’t wait to see me … on Tuesday the next day he broke up with me. He said he was tired of not having fun … he wanted to party with friends and see other people. He told me I could stay in the house as friends until I found a place…. Tuesday night ( the night of the breakup ) he had his parents drive him to a casino an hour away to meet a girl and spends the entire night until morning hanging out with her …. I stayed with my parents until Friday and went to the house to get my things … when I showed up all my belongings were thrown out on the front porch …. I found a room to rent immediately… he then blocks me on Facebook .. after we broke up … I didn’t beg – plead – call or text him … I immediately went into no contact the day we broke up … I am now on day 5 of no contact… he hasn’t reached out .. nothing … yesterday I find out he was inquiring about a different girl in our town from a guy friend of mine… does any of this sound normal ? On Day 9 since the breakup .. we had to exchange minimal words here and there for me to pick up my clothes. But 5 solid days of no contact .. your thoughts ?

  7. Avatar


    May 24, 2019 at 4:48 am

    Hi! thank you for the very informative article. my boyfriend of 5 months asked for some space and time to think just after we had a misunderstanding.. it wasn’t even a fight. everything went so well and its like he got cold feet after he introduced me to his family and told me he loves me. I gave him space for about a week and reached out..where he started to talk to me again and told me that he misses me. and then when I aked to meet up he again went all silent.. it’s very difficult to sit and wait and not knowing what went wrong when we were in such a good space in our relationship. I guess I sounded desperate but I felt it was infair on his side not being honest with me. so after a few days I told him that i can feel he is pulling away and I’m wondering about the way forward, in which he replied that he does love me.. but he is still deliberating.. and has been busy with work.. after that he never replied to my messages.
    I felt hurt and angry after a few days and texted him that I’m letting him so, his avoidance and silence is hurting me. he only read it and never a word again. we are two people in this relationship, How do I give hom the world of space whilst I’m also hurting. It felt in a wat that he pushed me away, hoping I would he the one to end it.
    it’s been a week with no contact and I’ve started to train again and eat healthy.. I’m trying my best. but I do miss him and I’m now wondering if there is still a chance for us.

  8. Avatar


    May 22, 2019 at 10:36 am

    I am selfish. I am jealous. I like to catch his mistake. I only want to win him. I never listen to him. Because of this things that he asked me to break up. and he has a new girlfriend. He said she lovely not like me. So how can I get him back? What should I do?
    I want to forget him.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 22, 2019 at 2:05 pm

      HI Rathana…so I think you should consider executing my Program which involves No Contact. For more details, check out my Program (EBR PRO Bundle)

  9. Avatar


    January 18, 2019 at 5:48 am

    Hi Chris, my boyfriend and I didn’t breakup but we had a problem and it’s been 6 months he hasn’t texted me. He texted me on New year to wish me happy new year and when I replied he didn’t respond back. I just texted him today and told him” if you like you text if you like don’t text my life will still continue with or without you nice life” . I don’t know why he doesn’t text back and he rejects my calls.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 18, 2019 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Behonce!

      Probably best if you embrace an ex recovery plan which is what I specialize in on this website!

  10. Avatar


    October 26, 2018 at 7:27 pm

    First of all, let me apologize for the long story:
    One of my friends told me about his feelings for me and how he wants to marry me etc. I kindly told him that the romantic feelings weren’t mutual. So he has talked a lot about his feelings for me with his best friend. Fast forward his best friend starts flirting with me and showing interest in me asking what his chances are of having a child with me etc.
    I fall for his charm and we start dating. Now he is a person who rarely uses his phone, but in the beginning he changed that for me as he began to call me several times a day etc.
    I am a virgin, but sex for him was important. I ended up being sexual with him without having sex though. I didn’t hear from him afterwards and saw how he had time to talk to other girls which hurt me. When I tried to express my feelings he would get frustrated. He might go to jail after new years for something he did two years ago, and he has a 10 year old son, so he is probably frustrated and sad about his situation, but he has send so many mixed signals. First he said he wanted to start a relationship with me, then he said he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone because he is going to jail, then he said he is looking for a girlfriend to take care of his mom and son when he goes to jail, then he changed back to not wanting to have a girlfriend because of his situation. I have been very patient and kind to him, while he has been quite hurtful towards me. I found out he has been seing his ex this entire time and confronted him, and his respons was: “that’s none of your business. X and I have always been on/off.” As if that makes it okay. Then he said that he would cancel his plans with her if I could promise him to see him once every day. One night he called me really late and asked if we could meet, I declined and said it was late, so he hung up on me and texted one of my good friends trying to hook up with her. After a while I spoke to his bestfriend who has feelings for me, and he told me that this guy has done this to a million girls and he has always been with his ex and even lives with her. I was devasted and hurt, so I left a voicemail saying how I would like him to delete my number and never contact me again. And i told him that I thought he was a horrible person for treating other people like that. Btw I could go days or weeks without hearing from him, and even if he made a hurtful move, I was the one contacting him.
    So after sending the voicemail I blocked his number and he had called my friend asking how I knew he lived with X? My friend was having a halloween party and asked him not to come because she could not have a person who treat other people like that around. This apparently affected him.
    So weeks past by and I haven’t heard a thing from him or any sign that he is sad, but this tuesday I went to school and sat in the car waiting for my class to begin and saw his car there. I was so annoyed because it wasn’t the first time. He doesn’t go to my school, but came to talk to our mutual friend. I chose to ignore him. He kept driving around me as if he was trying to catch my attention, but I kept looking away. Then he came out of his car and knocked on my window being really angry. He said that I should stop talking about him otherwise he would start going around telling people what I did with him. I didn’t understand because I haven’t talked about him other than with my friend and what he was saying was not true. So through the entire conversation he was talking down to me, calling me names, being angry and cold. He kept saying how worthless I am to him, how I don’t mean a thing to him, how he doesn’t care about him and how he threw everything away after hearing my voicemail. He was so mean that I started crying in front of him. And it was the first time crying in front of him, but he just stared at me with a cold look saying “I really don’t care. You mean nothing to me and you never will. I never wanted you or anyone. You are so stupid. You don’t understand. You and I will never talk again, we will never hang out again. It’s over.”
    And he said I should write him a message saying his friend told me about the fact that he lives with his girlfriend which apparently isn’t true and whom apparently isn’t his gf and he doesn’t care about her either etc.
    He said that if I don’t text him that message he would call him and tell him everything we did. And I asked what the point of it is since he doesn’t care about losing me, and thats all that happened by it. He said that he doesnt want a friend who says stuff like that about him etc.
    So I am really broken over all of this and he seems to be absolutely heartless about it. He doesn’t seem to care one bit and it hurts so bad. And what makes it even more difficult is the fact that I cried in front of him. He probably feels like he has me around his finger, so I don’t think anything can make him regret losing me as his last memory of me was me crying about his words. What are your thoughts?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 27, 2018 at 2:20 am

      Hi there!

      I can see you have been thru a lot. I am sorry you had to deal with such abusive language from your ex. Have you though of implementing no contact as I think you will benefit from the healing and recovery you so much deserve. Go to my home page and you will see a lot of resources there for you to tap into!

  11. Avatar


    September 4, 2018 at 6:08 pm

    I actually broke up with him because he liked another girl and also I believe that God told me to break up with him. Now, I think that me and him belong together. I just need to know how to get him back because I miss him myself like crazy. He likes another girl, but I think he still has some kind of feelings towards me. He was being rude to me and also bringing up that I am dating his brother, which I am not doing. I think he is jealous, but he isn’t really talking to me about it. We actually are trying to be friends, but he hasn’t really come to talk to me. And every time I talk to him, he is always not smiling. Help me please and thank you!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 4, 2018 at 9:12 pm

      Hi Haley…I know it hurts when your ex shows interest in another girl. He seems to be the jealous type. I think you should employ no contact but getting our ex back is so much more. So tap into the resources I offer here. My home page will direct you where to go.

  12. Avatar

    ane su

    August 23, 2018 at 3:03 pm

    my ex and I broke up July 2017. he said that he wants to cheat and explore . it made me angry and i broke up with him. he says getting back together is hopeless. its been over a year now and i want him back. i never did no contact and we have been talking. but these days he has become distant and he never initiates any conversations anymore. is it possible toget him back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 23, 2018 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Ane!

      That is an awful thing for your ex to tell you. Are you sure you want him back? I do think No contact is something you should seriously consider and use that time to reflect on what you really want. Learn more about how to do this and much more by picking up one of my eBooks which you can learn about on my Home Page!

  13. Avatar


    August 17, 2018 at 1:55 am

    Hi EBR team. What do you recommend if I was the one who caused the breakup by cheating… I really loved him and can’t afford to loose him

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 1:59 pm

      Hi Anita!

      Best to have a solid plan and that is what I specialize in. I offer webinars, ebooks, coaching services, and a wonderful Private Facebook Support Group that is aimed at helping people with their ex recovery situation. So go to my home page and check it all out!

  14. Avatar


    May 4, 2018 at 3:00 pm

    Hello so my boyfriend of three years broke up with me. He asked for a break and for two weeks straight we still snapped and I called him twice and texted him twice. And then he broke up with me because he said he just can’t feel the way that he needs to. We haven’t talked since and it’s been a week and a half. Yesterday he liked my Facebook and Instagram picture and it makes no sense. When breaking up I asked when he wanted me to get my stuff and he said I could keep it at his house because he has no use for the space anyways. I’m so confused and he said that maybe we can see where we are in the future when your done with school and that he doesn’t want to hold me back from dating other people. I’m so confused by all of this.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 4, 2018 at 3:15 pm

      Hi Amy… seems your ex is churning through what he thinks he wants. 3 years is a good amount of time to be together and so those roots are hard to pull up. Deep in his mind, he may be unsure what is best. So he seems unwilling to cut off all ties. You picked up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, right? (visit my website Menu/Products Section). Because it kinda gives you a blueprint of what you can do to increase your value and show him that not only are you independent and improving in so many ways as a person, but that he cannot assume you will always be in his life. So that can cause a person to appreciate more what they had with someone. Oddly, sometimes pulling away (No Contact), can help with attracting the person. But it is so much more than that too…so go take a look at my ebook as it will help optimize your chances in the future to put the relationship back in a better place if that is eventually what you want.

  15. Avatar


    April 22, 2018 at 7:44 pm

    Hi Chris, I am on day 13 of NC rule. He hasn’t said anything yet. Do you think cut off all communication with someone can help a person to completely forget or get over his/her ex? Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 22, 2018 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Julie…certainly all things are possible in the world of relationships, but it is unlikely. Have you picked up my ebook yet? It serves as a Companion Guide and can help you navigate all the things you should be doing. It’s best to have a comprehensive blueprint to figure out things and adapt along the way as needed. How long have you guys been dating? I ask, because if you both have a good amount of history with each other, then gives the relationship some traction to recover.

    2. Avatar


      April 22, 2018 at 11:09 pm

      We’ve been dating for 2 years. His family and friends don’t like me. They are very much conservative and we happen to be interracial couples…So I guess the breakup received a lot of pressure from the outside too

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 12:20 am

      Well, two years counts for something because people can put down some roots over that time which means they can find a way back to each other. But you need to develop your plan and seek to execute it!

    4. Avatar


      April 23, 2018 at 2:50 am

      With that much outside forces, I am just not sure if he would stand by me. He is the type of person that is really easily swayed by others around him…
      What type of mentality should I have if I decide to fight against those outside forces and get him back?

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 5:08 am

      Hey there….I guess we are going to find out if your boyfriend can think for himself. Just be calm and stick with your plan and don’t allow emotions and uncertainty twist you up inside, because its not worth it. You can’t control everything, just mainly your own actions and attitude.

  16. Avatar

    J M

    April 7, 2018 at 1:58 pm

    I was with my ex for 4 years, 4 months. We met at 15 (me) + 16 (him). We knew each other for 5 years. Long distance for 2 years (NY and FL). Then I moved to Florida for college (4 hours away from him), but we made trips to see each other every 3-5 months. They would be for a week or long weekends. We were in love, he bought me a promise ring, we made plans to get married, have kids, etc. But we did have our rough patches and small arguements. I have a quick temper, and sometimes short patience. I got along great with his friends and family. Suddenly after I came back from a family vacation in Dec from TX, he was distant, he changed. As the new year came, he and I went to a festival with friends and kind of rekindled our love. However, afterwards he became even more distant, but still telling me he loves me. I did catch him dancing with another girl on social media during the time he was distant with me, and he was hanging out A LOT with his friends (so he says). He claims he didn’t know the girl at the time, and it was an innocent dance. I have caught him in the past sending suspicious flirty texts to other girls. Suddenly, he drove down 4 hours just to tell me in person that he can’t do it anymore. That things have changed, he’s been having tempations, he still loves and cares about me deeply, but is no longer in love with me, and didnt want to keep the relationship going in fear of hurting me. He cried a lot and I could tell he was heartbroken as he was breaking up with me. I was even more heartbroken, and crying a lot. We cuddled all night, and had sex the next morning (he initiated it). He said I will always be a special person in his life, and that he still wants to be friends. I stuck by him through the worst parts of his life, he had to retake certain programs in college TWICE, and I still supported him, and was there for him, encouraged him. For the past 2 months we talked as friends, but I would still bring up the break up sometimes because there were a lot of things that didn’t make sense, and he would never want to talk about it. I feel like there is something he hasn’t told me. There is something missing because it was so sudden, and before him becoming distant, I never got the impression he had lost feelings. He’s called me his blessing and future wife before all this happened. He even said he’s been feeling that way for months, even tho we had just seen each other September-January for long weekend trips. I never got the sensation he was feeling that way cuz he treated me like a queen. 1 week after our breakup he started going after the girl I saw him grinding up on social media. This girl lives in the same town as him, she’s 3 years older, finished school, and working. She looks a lot like me, and I wonder if my ex and I just lost our spark. 2 weeks after our break up, he ended up going out with her, and is still currently in a relationship with her. Its been 2 months since the break up, and 1 month he’s been with the new girl, and he posted the first picture of them together on social media on Easter Sunday. It tore me up, I blocked him on facebook and instagram without saying a word, but not snapchat, and am currently on Day 7 of the no contact period. I do have his family and friends on social media. He has a group of friends where he lives that either have a wife or girlfriend, so when he would hang out with them, he would be the only one without a partner because I lived 4 hours away. It seems like with time, it got to him. I think his friends manipulated him saying that long distance relationships dont work, even tho we always made the time to see each other, and we video chatted every day. He used the negative parts about our relationship as an excuse to break up and be with this new girl. He said he is taking things slow with this new girl, and he says he really cares about her. It made me mad and jealous when he said that, yet he still tells me he loves and cares about me a lot. All he does is go to school, work, and hang out with his new girl. Day 7 of the no contact period, I guess he realized I blocked him, and has yet to contact me through text, snapchat, kik, or email. I guess maybe he took it wrong ? But I am planning to keep the no contact period for about 1 month, and start to talk to him again, but I don’t know how I would initiate it, how I would make him miss me. I know long distances are difficult to rekindle, but we both still have plans to move to Tampa within the next year. His friends in Tampa became more of my friends in Tampa, I live in Central Florida, he lives by the panhandle. I don’t speak too much to the friends in his town, but he does hang out with his friends in Tampa, but I hang out with them more often. How would I make him miss me if we are 4 hours away, and he’s with someone he says he cares about a lot. It will always be hard for me to see him with someone else on social media, and I plan on keeping him blocked from IG and FCBK because I just cant see those pics.

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 7:43 pm

      Can you unblock him but just unfollow him? That would be ideal because he should see you update often to keep you top of mind.

    2. Avatar

      J M

      April 9, 2018 at 3:06 am

      Yea I can keep him unfriended. How would I go about talking to him after the no contact period? How would I start the conversation up? And how would I go about our friendship afterwards. I want him to realize he has lost a good woman, someone who was there for him through the good and the bad, someone who made him a better person.

    3. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 6:57 pm

      Are you able to text him or are you blocked from texting? That would be the best way to contact him. He will realize he lost a good woman when you show him your changes with actions. During your no contact you should be focusing on yourself and improving anything that you think you need to improve.

  17. Avatar


    April 5, 2018 at 8:25 pm

    Me and my now ex-boyfriend dated for almost a year- our anniversary was going to be next saturday. He saw me on easter and acted like everything was ok, but on monday, he was avoiding me and talked to me here and there. I felt something was wrong and then later that night he broke up with me through text saying that it wasn’t going to work and that for 2 weeks he didn’t love me, but he wanted to be friends and continued talking to me but I was hurt and he kept saying that he didn’t want me to go quiet or disappear. On tuesday, he would talk to me and tell me that he missed me and wants to hang out in the future and see each other and that in the future there is a possibility we are getting back together and that he is “obviously not going to rule out wanting to be with me”. But that tuesday night, I told him that I was sad and angry and I need to have a couple of days to myself so I can get better. He texted me in the morning saying that he was going to miss me and wanted me to come back soon. I love him and I’m in love with him still and I have a strong feeling he could be to, but I’m confused by all this and still in shock by all this. I figured that he was seeing someone else or met someone new, but he told me no and that it was and is always going to be only me, and that’s what I’m so confused on. He broke up with me but he still makes it known that he misses me. What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 6, 2018 at 12:09 am

      I feel like you need to achieve the following things,

      Scarcity, Urgnecy and Fear of Loss

      Create those and he’s yours.

    2. Avatar


      April 6, 2018 at 1:06 am

      How would I go about it? I haven’t talked to him in two days, would that be a good start to this?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:40 am

      I’d start first with trying to find a way to prime. Basically build up anticipation.

      Start with the fear of loss…. Potentially try a jealousy text. Go out with a friend, preferably a guy, take a picture of your food with a guys arm in the picture and post it. Create that perception first before you reach out.

  18. Avatar


    March 28, 2018 at 1:26 am

    Dated for 4 months, we decided to be casual, i found out he slept with someone else while he had unprotected sex with me. I got mad at him and he thought i was threatening him when i got mad at him. We decided to be on a break and get lunch, but when i texted him a week later to confirm lunch plans, he said he needed more time. He then later said we should talk. He would have normal conversations with me and whenever I brought up when we should meet to talk he would push back the day. I asked him via text how I threatened him, he explained, I tried to understand and apologize, he got more mad and deleted me off of snapchat and he said he didn’t want to meet up to talk and that we should both move on. I wrote him a letter for my own closure, gave it to his doorman, and said that i just wanted him to be happy via text. I miss him and just want to resume our casual relationship with more respect and better communication in regards to protection – what do i do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:44 am

      So, just so we are on the same wavelength.

      You found out he cheated on you, correct?

    2. Avatar


      April 4, 2018 at 12:58 am

      Also not sure if this makes a difference to the story, but the day before he broke things off via text, he was flirting with me, asking me about my day, and asking me for my opinion on a haircut (conversation was completely normal until I asked him how I threatened him and he got angry)

    3. Avatar


      April 4, 2018 at 12:56 am

      Well to be clear, we had decided to be casual/non committal. For me, that meant dating other people, but sleeping together exclusively. For him, that meant dating and sleeping with other people, something which we didn’t go in depth about.

    4. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 10:38 pm

      I feel like the issue here is that you have given him permission to do what he wants when he wants with no repercussions. I guess my question for you is are you trying to get him back in a committed relationship or just trying to reset things back to the way they were before?

    5. Avatar


      April 3, 2018 at 2:15 am

      I’m not sure what we would call it here since we mutually decided to be non exclusive/date casually. To me, that meant dating other people while we were exclusive sexually (I was talking to other guys as well). But to him, that meant dating and sleeping with other people. We should have been more clear with each other, but I still thought it was disrespectful. Bottom line – I just want to continue a casual relationship while opening myself to date other guys because I do enjoy hanging out with him.

    6. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2018 at 12:57 am

      So, it seems to me like you guys had a wavelength issue.

      I feel like you might have opened pandoras box b/c I think once men get a taste of non exclusivity they kinda only want that.

    7. Avatar


      April 4, 2018 at 1:02 am

      Sure, and to be quite honest, I am in a stage in my life where I’m not sure I’m ready for a relationship. But admittedly, I would like to continue hanging out with him – any tips? I have been doing my own thing (focusing on my studies, successfully doing interviews at top institutes, and posting attractive pictures of myself on social media) and haven’t spoken to him since then. I have, however, planned on reach out after a couple more weeks.

    8. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 10:38 pm

      I’d say really harp on the Zeigarnik Effect if you do get into conversation or hang out with him a lot. Leave him wanting more so he has a reason to continually come back.

    9. Avatar


      April 5, 2018 at 11:08 pm

      So I should continue no contact, and start with a text in a couple weeks to see if I can get the ball rolling? Thought I’d either say guess what and show him a screenshot of a completed crossword we use to do together, or ask him what him and friends dressed up as for this big rugby tournament he’s going to in China. Preference? Thanks for taking the time to reply, by the way!

    10. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 2:27 am

      You definitely should continue NC!

    11. Avatar


      April 7, 2018 at 2:59 am

      Okay, thank you. Last q- any preference as to which text to use when the time comes?

    12. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 3:30 am

      No problem, you can ask as many questions as you’d like. Make a list of his interests and then compose a text from that. Check out the post on texting.

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    M. A.

    March 15, 2018 at 8:56 pm

    I read the GIGS article which was super helpful after your response!

    To be honest I’m still not sure what she would be considered because he and I had been broken up since August but acting like a couple for 2 months after reconnecting in October and we said we loved each other and were sleeping together and he kept asking about our future. I was just too nervous and one day he got fed up (he thought I was toying with him) but we had been involved for 3 years at this point.

    He decided (without telling me but he blocked me so I guess he showed me) that he was done after a stupid fight we had on New Years. he started talking to the girl who’s now his new GF in January so clearly he didn’t give himself time to actually process.

    So that’s why I can’t tell which approach to take. He didn’t unblock me and officially tell me flat out he didn’t want to try anymore until a month ago (which is also a month into his talking to her) but I suppose I got the message before hand. But this conversation was super emotional we both cried. I could tell there was a lot of unresolved emotion there. It was only three weeks after he officially said he didn’t want to try with me anymore that he made this girl his girlfriend. I haven’t spoken to him in a month which is why I wasn’t sure if I should restart NC (because now I feel stupid contacting him only two weeks after he entered a new relationship, it feels like he’d think I’m only contacting him for that reason and I’d be chasing). I honestly feel like the new girlfriend is a mixture of Rebound and GIGS. Especially knowing his history: he doesn’t just jump into things and takes relationships super serious.

    should I just wait it out? continue NC and see?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2018 at 3:25 pm

      You can extend to 45 days, after that try to rebuild rapport.

  20. Avatar


    March 14, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    Thank you Amor! Should I start nc over or just extend it?

    And about the new girl being a rebound, you don’t think so? I thought so because he decided he didn’t want us in January (which apparently was when they started talking) and then beginning of feb 5 is when we had our emotional final ending and end of feb is when they became official. I just thought after 3 years of I love you and I want to marry you, here’s a ring you couldn’t establish a meaningful connection so quickly with someone, especially if you yourself are still holding on to emotion whether its anger or hurt and especially if its only a couple of weeks after he said he loved me and wanted to know our status.

    but then again my emotions are all over the place so maybe I missed the signs?

    Thank you so much for taking the time to reply by the way, you’re really helping me cope.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2018 at 2:40 pm

      If he started talking to her after the break up, she’s rebound but before it she’s a grass is greener. If you contacted him last week, yes, you need to restart nc.

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