This is a complete guide for how to make your ex miss you without talking to them.
So, if you’re looking for:
- What actually makes an ex miss you.
- The role no contact plays into that.
- How attachment theory plays a role.
Then you are definitely in the right place.
Making An Ex Miss You Without Talking To Them
If you’re trying to get your ex back, one of the crucial steps is to make them actually miss you. Now some people have the completely wrong idea here and think that talking to their ex is the only way to make them miss you.
That’s not really true!
You can make your ex miss you without even talking to them thanks to the no contact rule.
So, what is the no contact rule?
Here’s the updated 2021 definition of the no contact rule that we’ve come up with after almost a decade of experimentation and seeing what actually works in real life:
The no contact rule is a period of time where you cut off all conceivable communication with an ex after a breakup. The intent of this tactic should not be to make your ex miss you, but instead should be used to rebuild your own life so you can outgrow your ex. By doing this the no contact rule can have the added benefit of making an ex miss you.
See how making your ex miss you is more of an afterthought rather than the main purpose of the no contact rule?
The key to a successful no-contact rule is the intent behind it.
Most people only look at no contact as a tactic of playing hard to get and making their ex miss them, but over the years we’ve seen that approach fail time and time again. After all, if all you did during no contact was obsess over your ex, what’s changed to make them miss you?
There needs to be some level of self-development or change to make your ex miss you and there’s no way you’ll get there if you spend the whole no contact rule pining over your ex. Instead, you need to seize the no contact rule as an opportunity to concentrate on bettering other elements of your life. That way, you emerge from the no contact period as someone your ex might actually miss.
I recently came across a philosophical concept that perfectly describes this whole process…
The Backwards Law
The backwards law proposes that the more we pursue something, the more we achieve the opposite of what we truly want and the more disappointed we end up feeling.
Or simply put – the harder we try, the less likely we’ll succeed.
You can also flip that around to mean that when we stop trying too hard we’ll have what we want.
You’ve probably heard of or experienced this concept at some point in your life but how does it work with the no contact rule?
A lot of the times we found that people who wanted to use the no contact rule to make an ex miss them without talking to them had really poor results because they went into the no contact rule with the wrong type of intent.
On the flip side, those who went into the no contact rule trying to outgrow their exes actually had the correct kind of intent and often saw that their ex started missing them. So it seems the backwards law is definitely in practice here.
But when you actually sit back and think about the backwards law, there are a few flies in the ointment.
The backwards law is basically the opposite of everything we were taught to do our whole lives. We were conditioned to work hard and give our 100% to everything so we could be rewarded. In fact, willpower is one of the most sought-after qualities in the workforce today.
The concept of working hard to achieve our goals holds true for a lot of things where the backwards law would just fail.
For example, what would you expect if you walk into a final with no preparation or if you intend to lose 10 pounds but keep eating junk food all day? If you expect anything but failure…have I got a hot take for you…
A lot of things in life don’t operate with the backwards law but we shouldn’t count it out just yet.
How the backwards law works during a no contact rule to make an ex miss you
Here’s how I understand the backwards law – the more we seek, the less we find.
So if we’re talking about getting an ex back, the more you hyper-focus on getting them to miss you, the more you miss out on everything else life has to offer.
You see if you want your ex back more than anything in the world you tend to get tunnel vision and forget about everything else. I don’t just mean romantic relationships, I mean everything beyond that like missing out on potential new hobbies, trips with friends, or just doing anything out of your comfort zone!
You’ll be too anxious to concentrate on yourself or building up your life if all you think about is your ex.
Interestingly, if you actually take the focus off your ex and start focusing on yourself and taking advantage of all the possibilities around you, you will actually notice your ex starting to miss you! This has a lot to do about our sense of lack.
Sense of lack and getting an ex to miss you without talking to him
A lot of times throughout life when you’re really anxious about something or you’re experiencing a huge problem like wanting to make your ex miss you, you think to yourself “if I could only make them miss me, that would solve all of my problems.”
However, if you do get your ex to miss you you’ll find that doesn’t solve any of your problems.
We experience this in other areas of life as well, such as our weight loss example.
Let’s say you’re uncomfortable with the way you look and you think to yourself, “if only I looked like person X, I’d be happy.” Now I believe everyone should love the skin they’re in but let’s stick with this for logic’s sake.
Next thing you know you went on a crash diet and started exercising every day till you looked like the person you wanted to look like.
So you lose all this weight and look like that person and then what? You find you have the exact same problems, some of the problems might be less intense but they’ll all still be there. You might even face new problems you didn’t think of before.
This is an interesting concept with regards to how human beings or human psychology works – we often think if we can fix this one specific problem, our problems will be over and we can sit back and relax.
Well, newsflash: according to psychology, we human beings have this survival mechanism that causes us to constantly worry about things. If you stop worrying about one thing you’ll start worrying about the next!
So if you think getting your ex to miss you or getting them back will solve all your problems I’m here to tell you that’s wrong.
Getting your ex back won’t magically solve all your problems. In fact, we’ve done studies to see how often couples we’ve helped get back together actually stay together, and guess what?
Half of the couples that get back together after a breakup end up breaking up again within the first three months.
So clearly their problems were not solved. Now, what does this have to do with making your ex miss you?
If you sit there and think “if I get my ex back, all of my problems will go away”, you’re limiting yourself so you aren’t having the opportunity to stop and enjoy the roses in life.
You’re letting life pass you by as you keep putting off any chance at happiness till you can get your ex back.
Now my wife is great at living in the moment. She can always enjoy experiences as they are happening. Meanwhile, I’m horrible at that. I almost always regret not having more fun after the experiences are over. And that’s kind of the entire point of this…
Don’t be like me and stop watching your life from the sidelines.
If you want your ex to miss you I’m not saying you have to change your personality, I’m saying that you need to change your paradigm.
You must train yourself to use the no-contact rule as a chance to enjoy the finer things in life and work on yourself. And trust me, when your ex sees you living your best life he will be attracted to you again.
The key to making an ex miss you without talking to him is… not trying too hard.
All you really need to do is enact a no-contact rule and let the backwards law do its thing. You should focus on growing yourself as a person and that will give you the best chance of making your ex miss you.