By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 8th, 2021

Today you’re going to learn EXACTLY what the psychology of a man is during the no contact rule.

In fact, many of the insights I’m going to unveil to you today have been lauded by my own audience.

The best part?

Everything I’m about to show you has been proven by real who have gone through breakups and used the no contact rule on a man.

Are you ready?

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Why The No Contact Rule Works On Men

Most people hear about the no contact rule and all it can do for them but they never really seek to understand the internal workings of why it works. I’ve written a lot about this concept in the past but

I’ve always alluded to it indirectly.

That stops today.

Let’s start by defining exactly what the no contact rule is for our newbies.

The No Contact Rule: A period of time where you purposefully ignore your ex with the intent of making them miss you and improving your life.

What many of my clients seem to miss is the second part of that definition.

They get so caught up in making their ex miss them that they forget to make meaningful changes in their own lives.

But that’s another battle for another day.

What you are here to learn is why it works on men.

Psychologically the no contact rule operates on the idea of reactance.

Reactance And The No Contact Rule: When you take away an exes freedom to communicate with you he will react in a way to get that freedom back.

It plays on the same concept of reverse psychology.

Essentially by ignoring your ex you are indicating to them that you don’t want to talk to them which in turn makes them want to talk to you.

Weird how that works, huh?

Perhaps the most interesting tidbit of information I can provide for you is the simple fact that even if your ex understand what you are doing to them it can still be extremely effective. I can’t tell you how often I’ve worked with clients who have expressed this fear only to see it not even matter and still continue to work on their exes.

But you’re not here to listen to me get all technical. What you really want is to understand the psychology of what happens in a mans head as the no contact rule is being applied to him.

I’ve briefly talked about that in this video,

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But the limiting aspect of the video didn’t allow me to go into deep detail on some of the exact thought processes that your ex boyfriend may be having. The video mentions five stages that a man will go through if a no contact rule is working on him.

In truth, there’s actually seven.

I’d like to let you in on them right now.

Stage One: He Is Confident In His Decision To Break Up With You

This may seem like an odd place to start but in my experience close to 80% of the women reading this website are not the ones who broke up with their ex boyfriends. Instead, they are the ones wallowing in despair because their ex has broken up with them.

So, they go from website to website reading and trying to figure out the best way to win their exes back.

Some go to YouTube and stumble across my channel and inevitably learn about the no contact rule.

They start it with high hopes that their ex will reach out to them admitting a mistake but the opposite typically happens.

It’s crickets for the first few days that they implement it.


Well, to put it bluntly, their ex doesn’t care enough.

Instead, he will walk around extremely confident in his decision. There’s this meme that gained popularity about seven or eight years ago depicting the differences in how men and women handle breakups.

As crazy and uncultured as this is going to sound I have found that this meme is pretty darn accurate to what actually happens if you successfully complete your no contact rule.

When you start your no contact rule on your ex boyfriend he is not going to care.

That may be a pretty hard pill to swallow right now but it’s important that if you want to get the successful results that others have gotten with no contact you are going to have to earn them.

And the only way to do that is to actually complete your no contact period without any hiccups.

Right now your ex is confident in his decision to break up with you but don’t worry, the tide will soon begin to turn.

Stage Two: Why Isn’t She Acting Like A Normal Girl?

This may strike you as an odd “stage” for a man to go through during the no contact rule but if you really think about it, it does make total sense.

The stereotype for women after a breakup has always been extremely clear.

  • Crying
  • Depression
  • Sadness
  • Depression
  • Oh wait, I said that twice

After the breakup your ex boyfriend is going to have this internal thought process that he’s going to go through.

Thought process of a man after a breakup

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“She’s going to be so depressed without me” he’s going to think to himself and most women play into that narrative by posting depressing things and updates on their social media profiles.

Some even go as far as begging for their ex boyfriends back.

But where things get really wild for the women who use the no contact rule is that they fight the normal narrative of depression with a hopeful narrative of positivity.

So, instead of the narrative being.

“She’s going to be depressed and beg for me back.”

It becomes,

Why isn’t she depressed and why doesn’t she want me back?

Ah, the first sign that the no contact rule is making headway.

Stage Three: I’m Upset She Is Ignoring Me

Paradigm shifts can be extremely powerful.

In fact, I’d argue that one of the primary reasons the no contact rule is so successful is the fact that it forces this dramatic paradigm shift upon your ex. You are essentially rewriting the narrative of what he expects is supposed to happen.

Of course, a paradigm shift in and of itself is a dramatic change in circumstances and it’s my experience that men don’t deal well with change.

In reality, no one deals well with change but change is an ever present entity throughout the universe.

Personally speaking when sudden change occurs for me I grow visibly upset. Expect your ex to be upset with you during no contact.

This is something I feel every woman should be prepared for and yet when it happens they start panicking.

My advice to them is always the same.

Don’t panic, just realize the no contact rule is working

In fact, I talk about this very concept in one of my more recent podcast episodes.

Don’t be worried if you get a bunch of angry texts from your ex boyfriend.

They are growing angry because change has occurred and they don’t quite know how to handle it properly.

Stage Four: I’m Going To Find Someone Better Than Her

This is simply an extension of stage three.

Cause and effect so to speak.

You instituted this extreme change by interrupting the status quo.

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Your ex grows angry.

As a result he thinks he’s better off without you and can find someone better.

Many women have this recurring nightmare where their ex moves on to someone else and in most cases it would be at this moment that, that outcome would occur.

Here’s the interesting tidbit that you may not know.

There is a difference between an ex who has another girl lined up before he breaks up with you and one who gets another girl to show you up.

One is more likely to turn into a longer relationship while the other is almost surely a rebound.

That’s why I don’t worry too much if your ex boyfriend finds another girlfriend during the no contact period. Most of the time it is done from a place of anger and disappointment.

I don’t know about you but those don’t seem like the great foundations of a lasting relationship.

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Stage Five: I Need To Find A Distraction To Avoid This Pain

Are you starting to see the trend developing here?

Each new stage is a knee jerk reaction to the stage before it.

Stage four was a direct result of stage three.

This stage is an explanation of the mindset for stage four.

Why do you think your ex boyfriend would want to “find someone better than you?”

It’s probably because he needs to find a way to distract himself from the pain he’s feeling. I think I’ve been pretty direct in explaining exactly what happens to the mind and body during a breakup.

In short, it aint pretty.

Getting over a breakup is a little like trying to shake off a drug habit.

It doesn’t happen overnight and in many cases your ex boyfriend is going to look for anything or anyone to distract from the pain he’s feeling.

It’s that whole fight or flight response.

Some people face their problems head on while others run away from them.

This is the ultimate “run away” from the problem stage.

Stage Six: What Have I Lost?

Here we have the proverbial confrontation.

Remember the fight or flight instinct I was talking about in the last section?

Well, while stage five was the “flight” response here is the “fight response.”

After enough time has gone by for an ex to process the breakup and feel like he’s lost you forever it will force him to confront a reality in which he can’t have you.

“What have I lost?” he will think to himself.

He has arrived at the proverbial crossroads.

On the one hand, he may determine that he is ok with losing you.

But if you’ve been active during your no contact rule you increase the chance of him not being able to face that reality without you.

But as you’ll learn very shortly.

Men are pretty stubborn.

Even if he doesn’t like a reality in which he can’t have you ever again it may not be enough to fully push him over the edge and get him to contact you.

Stage Seven: Maybe She’ll Contact Me

Men are stubborn by nature.

Sometimes no matter how perfectly you play a situation they still will cling to their outdated philosophies.

One of those philosophies is that you should be the one to reach out first after a break.

Ironic, in most cases they are the ones who break up with you.

Shouldn’t they be the ones to reach out to you first?

Nevertheless, the psychology behind this thought is pretty simple.

Even after the rollercoaster of emotions that come with stages one through six.

Men are stubborn at heart and often they’ll cling to hope that you’ll reach out to them at some point during the no contact rule.

It’s interesting because they start out expecting you to reach out to them and then when that doesn’t happen they throw a tantrum only to wind up hoping that you’ll reach out to them first.

That’s the beauty of the no contact rule.

It takes your ex boyfriend on this emotional journey and it’s rooted almost completely in reverse psychology.

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44 thoughts on “The Psychology Of A Man During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Shalini

    February 19, 2022 at 1:52 am

    Hi, my Bf broke up with me week a go and we are still living together. After 2 years he suddenly feel that I can deserve better boyfriend and family. He still call ND msg me if I come home late but on other side he also say that he don’t feel comfortable with me nor compatibility in relation.

    He alway say I m leaving house ND go back to my country ND all. Should I apply no contact rule ? Will he start missing me and forget the bad side of relation ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 21, 2022 at 10:57 am

      Hey Shalini, yes you need to go into a limited no contact where you would only discuss living situation and shared responsibilities with him. Otherwise you ignore any messages including if he is checking if you are okay and where you are! Even though he is thinking if your wellbeing he has no right to know if you are okay or not.

  2. Faye

    November 16, 2021 at 12:40 am

    Hi. We met online. We texted and talked for weeks. Our average conversation was 3-5 hours long each night. We met after two weeks and talk for 4.5 hours. We saw each other again and the same thing. The third time we talked for 6 hours but we had way too much wine and slept together. The week following it was different until some days were still great but then I would feel a disconnect. He’s 51 and I’m 46. It was the best emotional connection I have had in a very long time if ever. He ended it a week ago.

  3. Sarah

    September 23, 2021 at 7:07 am

    My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago. He told me he lost his feelings and didn’t miss our text/call. I believe there’s more to it such as stress of work and have to find a new place to live. We were in LDR for 2 years. We had a good relationship aside from fighting that I cause. I’m doing NC right now, I want to do it for 2 months. Is that a long time or should I cut it to a month?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 23, 2021 at 4:45 pm

      Hi Sarah, the maximum NC we suggest is 45 days, if you feel you need longer that is fine but be sure not to pass the 60 day NC mark.

  4. Carmen

    July 23, 2021 at 9:15 pm

    I got dumped a month ago. We were together for 4 years, broken up twice before. Everything was going great. No fighting no arguing. We/he had made a life plan and we were doing it. I paid for him to get out of debt he WAS going to pay off mine. Long story short. Two weeks prior to the break up he was saying how stressed he was. So I backed off plans and kept it low key. We were planning our family vacation and out of the blue he stopped responding. I called him and he said he wasn’t coming. He told me he needs a break. He doesn’t love me. It’s not you it’s me. Blah blah blah.
    Wouldn’t speak to me anymore. Dropped off my things at his moms house for me to pick up. He got everything we acquired together. He even sold my bike. No apology. He has even gone to lengths to block me on social media and his phone. I had to email him to get ahold of him. But I’ve been no contact for 30 days. And still nothing. I am working on me. Making the best of it and riding the grief train. We have unfinished business between the two of regarding vehicles and what not. Should I wait the 60 days and see what happens?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 7, 2021 at 12:08 am

      Hey Carmen, I would suggest that you reach out after 45 days NC

  5. Stacie

    July 19, 2021 at 1:36 am

    My ex and I broke up almost two months ago now. At first I did all the wrong things: begging to stay in touch, still had sexual encounters and slept over at his house a lot, went on outings to the city with him etc. This lasted about a month. Then I straight up asked him what he wanted from me and he said he didn’t know, so I cut him off right then and this Wednesday will be four weeks. He has texted me once since then, just to send me a tiktok video, and I just responded “lol” and that was it. He has been looking at my instagram stories here recently, too. Did I mess it up by still chasing him in the beginning? I just want to know that he could potentially reach out again despite me acting so desperate right after the split.

  6. Jaki Hawkins

    July 8, 2021 at 9:13 am

    I have been with my ex for 6 months, long distance. He has grown more distant as time has gone on. He is dealing with major stresses in his life. And has said more than once he can’t handle a relationship at this time. We stayed in contact but then he started going days without contacting me. Does no contact work when there are other factors involved??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 11, 2021 at 10:09 pm

      Hi Jaki, yes NC still applies in this situation.

  7. Lola

    June 13, 2021 at 6:26 pm

    Hi! I was dating my ex for 7 months. When we met he said it was live at first site for him. He also told me a secret. He has never been with 1 woman, ever. He had a girlfriend for 5 years but had outside involvements while with her. He told me that he was ready to settle down and he wanted that we me.
    Weeeellll… he wasn’t completely ready to let go of his past. Since we have been dating I have had to deal with him still keeping around and entertaining “friends” since we have been together. While he is with them he doesn’t answer the phone and I don’t hear from him for the rest of the night. Now that we have gotten they that stage, it’s his ex girlfriend back in the picture. He says they are just friends but she has tried to have sex with him. He said he turned her down. In front of her he does talk to me but his temperament is extremely different like I’m his friend or something, they’re going out together, and she is still doing stuff for him like they are still together.
    The reason why I stayed, I’m sure you are wondering? Lol! It’s because of the feeling I get with him. The passion we have. The vision of forever with him. How when we are together we feel complete. I feeling I have never felt.
    But I broke up with him a week ago because my worth is waaayy greater than what has been shown by this man and I was more unhappy with him than happy. He also had a huge problem with gaslighting and has a lack of emotional intelligence. It’s hard to communicate with him so we never got anywhere.
    I blocked him and cut off all communication since the break up.
    He recently put a note on my car saying how much he misses me…
    I’m wondering if the no contact rule will do what my words couldn’t… light a fire up under him to move right by me or should I just leave him alone all together

  8. ad

    October 1, 2020 at 4:39 am

    hi,me and my ex was in a ldr for 1 year .we were in a very happy and serious relationship and now we started fighting alot.he started lying to me and ignoring me. then he started lying to me alot and then i warned him that i’ll call his parents and tell them everything about us and how u r treating me.then he got very stressed and said that i m frustrating him ,i was also freaked out so i really warned him many times and then because of all that frustration he said that if i called his parents he will leak my embarrassing pics on internet and everywhere. he said me very disrespectful things which i really cant tolerate. then i asked him for breakup and then we got seperated. i m very depressed because of the things he said to me. we love each other so much. i want him to appologize and beg me. i m following no contact since one week but he doesnt contacted me yet. what should i do?i cant stay without him like this for much time.

  9. Maria

    September 26, 2020 at 6:45 am

    We went on 2 dates he was very interested when we had sex he became distant, he said he couldn’t offer me what I needed. Will the no contact rule work on someone I just met twice and slept with?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 26, 2020 at 9:02 am

      Hi Maria, if you want more from him then you could attempt to do a short NC where you do not reach out to him for 21 days and then see if he is open to talking to you again, however the issue is if you want a relationship from this guy then you are going to have to not sleep with him until he is invested into you and chased you more than two dates. Sorry if it seems harsh, but if you give sex too early, the chase is over and he loses interest quickly

  10. Pooja

    July 21, 2020 at 4:13 pm

    Hi me and my boyfriend started to date eachother in 2017 . Everything was going good but later we started to have fights because of my anger and once we had fight and just to hurt him I went and cheated on him but I was feeling so guilty so I told him everything honestly . In 2018 he broke up with me but we were living together and I was doing everything to make him happy and to come back in relation but he said no . 2 months before I come to know that he shared his feelings with my friend that he love her and she knew that how much I love him still she accepted him and now they are talking all the time and I am in my pain . He is right now in his country , he will come back in August , I begged him a lot but now it feels like he is more into that girl he just told me that he was with me just for me , nd now he don’t care , I applied this no contact rule from three days , he was messaging me but it was more like formality and today he messaged me for paying the rent so I had to talk to him and then he asked me why I’m ignoring him , I didn’t reply , then he asked me do you hate me , I told him I will hate u , I hate nobody and then we finished the talk. Now what should I do keep on ignoring him because my 3 days got wasted ….please help me I really need your advice . Does he gonna be with that girl now and he will never come back to me . He told me that if he will feel that we have future together he will come running back to me even after 10 years . So now tell me I’m paining everyday . Please help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 8:00 pm

      Hi Pooja, I can not tell you if he is going to come back to you or not. But I can help you work the program in hope to get him back, showing him you are the better option for him. You need to follow a solid No Contact before anything and then work on yourself, read and follow the articles that give advice about being Ungettable and apply this to yourself, and use social media to show how great you are doing right now

  11. Simone

    June 28, 2020 at 12:42 pm

    He left me 2 weeks ago. Im about to move out in a week, ive told him i have things to work on with myself, but after that i hope we can meet and maybe start over. His response was.. – Dont wait. So i just said that i respect his wishes.

    Would the no contact be a wise idea after he broke up with me due to me having some personal issues with anger and so that caused a lot of fights and mean words over the last 10 months. And ive sometimes used withdrawal and silence as a punishment.

    I mean, wouldnt that prove he were right when he left me and said “Theres no going back from what youve said to me and I dont believe you ever loved me and it will get better fast when we are alone. Ok?” wouldnt it be passive aggressive of me to ignore him if he reaches out to check up or whatever? And if i then connect say, 30 days later, he will be mad and say stuff like “see, you havent changed, ignoring me and being passive aggressive”

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 19, 2020 at 6:45 pm

      Hey Simone, so yes you need to do the No Contact rule, especially when you break up from being angry with each other. Also when you reach out after 30 days you are follow the advice of Chris not talking to him like you normally would.

  12. N.J

    June 18, 2020 at 7:19 am


    Will me and my boyfriend were best friends for 3 years and then we started dating for 4 months , he dont like any drama in his life because of his work and lifestyle , me either, but sometimes i make a big problems out of nowhere ..
    anyways 3 days ago he told me I believe we should be best friends again , i dont want to lose you you are different than anyone i know but at this time i dont want a relationship, i can see hope later maybe we can be best friends and then talk about everything was wrong and then we come back but at this time i cant be in a relationship and i dont want to lose you , i respected his opinion i told him okay its fine , he said its like a break for us because i really dont want to lose you , 3 days we didnt text obviously, but i want him to text me and get him back as a boyfriend, i know deep down that he will text me for sure , but this is my situation, can i put hope on it or no hope at all ?


    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 6, 2020 at 6:41 pm

      Hey NJ I would suggest that you start following the program if you want to try and get your ex back starting with the No Contact for 45 days

  13. Anna

    June 8, 2020 at 12:07 pm

    I need help. Nearly a week ago my boyfriend of 3 years blocked me from all social media, phone, everything. I’m absolutley distraught. We have fell out twice before (both times because of my depression and negativity) and this time because I was too stressed with my new job and started crying.
    He said “I need time and I’m not sure in want i want in my life anymore” He then said go sleep and I’ll message in the morning. Never heard next day and saw he blocked me from Facebook.
    I then contacted his close friend to ask if he was ok, then he was blocked (I’m thinking the friend told my boyfriend and he told him to block me)
    I understand im fully responsible for my mental health issues but he did love me very much and saw a future together.
    He does live a very stressful life with his work, 3 kids and 2 ex wives (1 not divorced yet)
    I can’t eat and hardly sleep. Im constantly crying as deep down I feel he has let me go but not told me in words so the emotional turmoil is horrific.
    I just want him back and to show him that I have changed. I’m done with being negative and stressed. It’s no good for the both of us 🙁

  14. AngelAngel

    March 1, 2020 at 11:49 pm

    Hi I have been in a long distance relationship with my soldier fiance for 7 yrs now, he constantly threatens me with breakup, he neglets my text and call some times he cheated on me, he still chat and communicate with his ex, he hardly forgives me whatever I said to him during misunderstanding. Recently he picked up a quarrel just because I suggest a solution on how we can live peacefully without constant issues. He misunderstood me and started avoiding my calls and ignored my text messages throughout a night and the next morning he picked and I asked him why he didn’t pick my call or reply my messages, he became angry and said I am interrogating him a lot.He has not called or even reply my whatsapp messages to him even though I have apologized. He doesn’t care to know how I feel. Am always the one apologizing and begging even when am not at fault. Someone I supported with everything I had. He has changed and complains a lot about me. Does it mean he don’t love me anymore and looking for how to push me away

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 2, 2020 at 10:47 pm

      Hi Angel, so if someone is going to make you feel this way. I suggest that you end the relationship with him as no I don’t believe he is showing you love right now. He is manipulating your emotions, threatening to end the relationship when he is unhappy with something. I would end the relationship with you and explain that you have not been happy for some time. Go into a No Contact for your ex to see you are serious about the fact you are unhappy with the relationship

  15. Alice Adam

    February 13, 2020 at 3:21 am

    Actually Shuanna. Do you mind not publishing my comment. Thanks so much though. I understand you cant really dispense free advice, but I would be grateful for any feedback.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 15, 2020 at 5:31 pm

      Hey Alice, so I wont post your previous comment but to reply I need to post a comment. Going off your previous comment… not following instructions. You are not put here to be controlled by ANYONE. And let me make that very clear! Personally, and I don’t say this often, based on what you told me. I would refuse the meet up and focus on moving on with your life as this person does not sound like a positive person to have in your life anyway! You should start casually dating and you will soon realise how decent human beings treat each other!

  16. Jennifer

    February 7, 2020 at 10:51 am

    So you said that there is a difference between a guy who has a girl lined up before the break up and a guy who gets into a rebound relationship. But I’m in that situation where I feel like the guy had a girl lined up before breaking up…so how do I apply no contact for that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 7, 2020 at 9:33 pm

      Still go into a No Contact and work on yourself in that time, also read up about the being there method too!

  17. Alice Adam

    January 16, 2020 at 6:26 pm

    (Continuation) but on the 2nd of december he called it off again and blocked me over something very silly. I immediately went into defensive and apologised. But also said if that was his decision well and good. But he didnt reply. So I never bothered after that. Mid december his mother contacted me to tell me she wanted to meet to discuss it. I was very polite but told her there was no point in discussing as this was his decision. On the 20th of dec I broke down and crazy emailed him, all day. He replied with 4 emails telling me to move on which were very rude. I didnt email him again. But then on the 28th I sent him this collage of our picture memories. No reply. So then on the 2nd of jan I blocked him too from everywhere etc and deactivated all my social media. So the day I had crazy emailed him, I had also wanted to send him our first conversations. But I wasnt able to, so it was stuck in drafts. So while getting rid of his stuff on the 9th of jan, i accidentally emailed him the draft. It had some sappy one liner intro. He immediately about how he was so touched by the email. I never replied back. Since I had sent it accidentally. Also that’s not a good enough reply from him. He didnt apologise or asked to get back.have not contacted since.What do I do now?.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 10:44 pm

      Hi Alice, thanks for your posts, I have replied to both in this one comment. So you have done some things that you need to complete a 45 day No Contact to give your ex that space that is needed after a break up to see that you have respected his decision and are accepting the break up, even if this is not the case we still have to do it to allow the silence to give your ex that chance to wonder, where has she gone! As for no contact the other thing you need to do is read this article… and apply this to your life as best as you can

  18. Alice Adam

    January 16, 2020 at 6:07 pm

    Hello Chris. I was supposed to get engaged/sign our religious marriage documents on the 24th of november to this guy. We are both 29, 30 this year. I am a post graduate student. And we have been together since 2 years. It’s been long distance. But we met in high school over 11 years ago.but didnt initiate till 2 years ago Anyway the last year long distance was insanely tough. I gave up a very well paid job in uk to start the transit move to him and hence started post grad studies to help get employed where he was. So I had my postgrad exams in early november when I had a fight with him and I called it off and blocked him(but these fights were pretty usual towards the end and the long distance had started getting insane). He also blocked me from everywhere but email.I had to focus anyway and wanted headspace, so thought it was just another petty fight and wanted to stay blocked to focus. meanwhile he contacted my parents and called it off with them. Nobody told me as I had my exams. I did email him tickets and logistics in the middle to which he always replied he would get back after I’m done with my exams. So on the day I get done he tells me it’s over. 15th nov. We were supposed to fly to a common destination to get engaged/sign the docs that week. I obviously broke down, but after he told me I took three days off from him and then called him to figure it out. He had pretty lame reasons but I heard them out told him we would work through it. And i apologised profusely. Took all the blame. Flew back to the common destination on my own. He told me he wanted it in feb, I said fine. But he said he still loved me

  19. Megan

    December 12, 2019 at 1:26 am

    Hi. Is it normal for a guy to play victim after they are actually the one who initiates breakup?

    It pressure me so much during I ignoring him for almost a year. i know I did my best to make him feel that he is special to me, that my feelings are true.

    The first weeks and a month that no contact, hes enjoying his life without me and posting a photos with his friends. Then after 6 months he is actually playing victim and change his profile in black photo.

    I know to myself that I never disturb him again. And not hoping for his comeback but Im so confused. I always blaming myself and cant ignore those what ifs.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 7:07 pm

      Hi Megan, yes it is common for people to victimise themselves as they do not like to be the bad guy in their own stories. At times you find that at first the person who wanted the break up is happy but then the realisation that it wasnt what they wanted or what was making the unhappy in the first place and that feeling comes back. Don’t take it personal as you know you did your best and thats all you can do

  20. Chelsea

    December 2, 2019 at 1:45 am

    Hi Chris,
    We’ve been dating for over a year and this is the second time we’ve broken up. The first time he broke up with me but after a few days he would reach out and randomly call or text me saying he misses me. We even had sex a couple times. This would go on for 3-4 weeks until we officially got back together on our monthsary. He had told me that during the time of the break that he felt something pulling him back to me and that he was super sorry for what he did and that he won’t do it again. Here we are two months later, he does it again. I’m completely heartbroken but I do feel a lot stronger than last break up. I tried to take a break from social media so I deactivated my FB. Weirdly enough, when my account automatically signed off, it went back to the login page where his acc name was an option. Not knowing it would login, i tapped on his name and it automatically logged on. I don’t even know the password to it which is weird to me. I don’t wanna creep on his account but I did take a look at this recent search history, and I found out that he’s been checking my profile multiple times a day since the break up. Mind you, its been two weeks since the break up and I haven’t seen or spoken to him since then. He’s clearly monitoring my social media. I honestly think that he’s waiting for me to reach out to him cuz during both break ups I begged for him (i know, dumb move but love makes ya crazy), so he knows I’m crazy about him but I really want the No Contact Rule to push through. Lately I have been doing better, crying less and all that. But some days it just hits you again.
    How long should I do this to myself? 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 7:48 pm

      Hi Chelsea, so the emotions you are feeling are normal after a break up so dont be so hard on yourself, once you have had your cry, pick yourself up and carry on. If you want your ex back however, you need to complete a 30 day no contact and read read read this website to all that applies to you especially the Ungettable Girl articles. And then reach out to your ex at the end of the 30 days with a short text that Chris advises as a hook, you can read about those on this website too. Good Luck

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