What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Will My Ex Forget About Me?

I am a member of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Facebook Group and have been since the beginning of March. Joining it is one of the best decisions I have ever made. There are a number of established members, but new people are joining every day, and are at various stages of the process when they do. Many women (and a few men now, too), find the group in the direct aftermath of their breakup, and come seeking advice and support as they work through their heartache.

Of course, it’s been well documented on Ex Boyfriend Recovery, and on many other sites that one of the first steps you should take if you want to get your ex back is to implement the No Contact rule. On the Facebook group, one of the concerns a lot of girls have is “But will my ex forget about me?”

I’m here to tell you: It is HIGHLY unlikely that your ex will forget about you. Unless they experience a head injury that causes them to lose their memory, they are not going to forget you. Over time, memories fade, of course, but you never really forget the feelings you had for someone (though there are honestly times I really wish I could). Unless your ex is a total jerk or a sociopath – in which case, you don’t want to be with him anyway – he is not going to forget about you so easily.

Positive Memories

Whether you were together for three months or three years, your ex had positive feelings for you at one point. Even if the breakup was absolutely awful and the relationship ended in a fiery mess, or your ex claims to hate you, keep in mind: “Hate is love that’s been injured.”

Positive feelings don’t dissipate so easily, as much as we wish they did. I mean, you’re here, aren’t you? Your feelings for him haven’t totally evaporated. What makes you think he would?

If you think your ex is going to forget about you, it’s a sign you really need to leap into No Contact and start rebuilding your self-esteem.  He’s not going to forget about you. You are unforgettable. That is the mentality you need to adopt during No Contact. Imagine that your ex is thinking as much about you as you are about them. Tell yourself that it’s killing him not to reach out to you.

No Contact acts as a reset for you and your ex. You don’t want him to forget about you, but you do want him to forget about all of the negative memories, or at least make them fade a bit so that the positive memories are what remain. No Contact will assist with that, so embrace it!

Of course, you shouldn’t do No Contact for forever (unless you’ve decided you don’t want him back, obviously). Chris says that the max period for No Contact should be 45 days, as this is around the time that your ex will begin to emotionally separate from you. People are habit forming, and if you do No Contact for too long, your ex is going to begin the process of moving on. This is what we do not want, so be sure to not go too over the 45 day mark.

The Male Mind

When I met up with my ex following my No Contact period, I got a bit of insight into what he was thinking about during those 30 days.

The answer? Me. Constantly.

He told me as much. He said he thought about me a lot and missed me. He asked if I was seeing anyone. My silence made him think that I was moving on. He mentioned that he had been talking about me with his friends and that they always asked about me. He even admitted he still had feelings for me. He kept trying to draw out our date, and at the end of the night, he didn’t want me to leave.  I had him right where I wanted him.

He didn’t forget me. How could he? I am totally and 100% unforgettable.

Why He’s Not Reaching Out During No Contact

Another question women in the facebook group ask is “Is it bad that my ex isn’t reaching out to me during the No Contact period?”

And the answer is, not really. Let’s explore some of the reasons why your ex may not reach out to you over the course of the No Contact period:

  1. He’s giving you space to heal – This is what my ex did. And if he’s a good guy, it shows he respects you and your feelings. My ex wanted to reach out to me all the time during No Contact. But he knew that he had hurt me, and that I needed some space. So though he texted me before No Contact was up, he left me alone for three weeks to do some healing. A good guy does this. A guy who knows you’re in pain and knows that he is the root cause of that pain will give you time to learn to love yourself again after your heart has been destroyed.
  2. He needs space to heal – Maybe you broke up with or cheated on him and he’s angry and needs time, but even if he broke up with you, he may need some time to get over you as well. As I mentioned before, people are habit forming, and he may need that time to do some healing work just as much as you do. Space is a GOOD thing. You both need it after the breakup, so do not fear if he is not reaching out. He’s probably wondering why you’re not reaching out.
  3. He’s using tactics – No Contact is a pretty popular idea and lots of breakup experts advocate for its use. I think a lot of people implement it, even if they aren’t in a program like Ex Boyfriend Recovery. It’s common sense, really: What’s a good way to make someone miss you? Completely disappear from their life overnight. The thing that is complicated about breakups is that even if your guy dumped you, he doesn’t want you jumping to be with someone else right away. He wants you to mourn his loss. He wants you to show him his value by indicating how heartbroken you are. There is always a race to be the “winner” of the breakup, and No Contact is a strong way to start off on the right foot to ensure you beat him to the finish line.
  4. His Sphere of Influence – Maybe he has another woman he’s seeing who doesn’t want him talking to you (don’t worry – she’s almost certainly a rebound). Maybe his family and friends are discouraging him from talking to you. Either way, your guy is going to take advice from those closest to him, and if they push him to stay silent, he likely will. This doesn’t mean he won’t respond when you reach out, though, so don’t let that get you down! Stick to the plan. It works for women in our group on a daily basis.
  5. He’s stubborn – As Chris has mentioned before, guys often have the “she needs to be the one to reach out first” mentality after the breakup. Even if they broke up with you! It’s annoying, but again, No Contact is a great way to show him that you are not ruffled by his actions. Embrace the 21/30/45 days and then try reaching out.
  6. He’s a jerk – and therefore, not worth your time – This does happen sometimes, and it sucks. Sometimes, we lose ourselves in our relationships, and our partners hurt us more than we could ever have imagined. They start showing a side of themselves that we’ve never seen before. It is possible that your guy is ignoring you through No Contact because he is, quite simply, a jerk, and doesn’t care about you. However,  I think that those instances are rare. But if your situation falls into this category, do you want to be with him anyway?

Related Article: What is your ex thinking during No Contact”

So What Do I Do?

Okay, so your ex isn’t going to forget about you. We’ve established that. So with that in mind, embrace No Contact fully. Now, what do we do to keep you on his radar while you are off living your amazing life as an Ungettable Girl?

There is a great article here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery about how to amp your social media presence to make sure your ex is seeing what you’re up to. An amazing success story was shared on the facebook group a month or so ago, and this woman was an absolute genius and used a whole bunch of amazing tactics to make sure that her status updates were always showing up at the top of her ex’s feed. Be sure to check out her article and the podcast interview she did with Chris on the site. There are lots of really solid tips and ideas there.

He’s not going to forget about you, but it definitely doesn’t hurt to make sure he’s seeing how great you’re doing without him. And admit it – it feels a little nice to rub it in, doesn’t it?

The Mindset

If you fear that your ex will forget about you, the best thing that you can do is to focus on yourself. You are the only thing that you have the power to control, so start there. You can’t change the past, and you can’t read your ex’s mind or force him to change his mind, but you can do everything in your power to make him regret the breakup. So start there.

One of the biggest things I see for some girls when they first join the group is that they are so obsessed with their ex and scared to begin the No Contact period for fear that their ex will forget about them. He will not. Some women obsess over their ex so much that they don’t take the golden opportunity that the No Contact stage offers. If there is one message I could make sure gets through to every girl, it would be to please use the No Contact period to take care of yourself. You are the only thing that you can control. And that is powerful.

The No Contact period can be an amazing opportunity to become an even better version of yourself. It’s when we are feeling at our lowest that we have to fight the hardest, and that is when you find out what you’re made of.

Whistler is a minor character in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but he has a quote in season 2 (superior to all other seasons) that has always resonated with me:

“Bottom line is, even if you see ’em coming, you’re not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can’t help that. It’s what you do afterward that counts. That’s when you find out who you are.”  – Whistler (Becoming: Part 1).

You’re hurting, and deserve the time to take care of yourself and feel whole again. Your ex will not forget about you. Take your power back. Your power is in your silence. Do everything you can to feel good about yourself – go get a massage, get your nails done, take up a new hobby. Don’t obsess over your ex and if he’s thinking about you. He is. Frequently.  He is also almost absolutely checking out your social media pages, so give him something to look at, ladies. Make him regret leaving you. Make it impossible for him to forget you. Because you are absolutely unforgettable. It’s time to start living like it.

(Written by an anonymous member of EBR.)

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

20 responses to “Will My Ex Forget About Me?”

  1. Aashin says:

    My boyfrnd left me becoz he went into another city … now he likes someone esle nd wants to be with her.. he blocked me by saying that he im nt going to move on untill he stops all contact .. but i really love him .. now he ‘s consdering my negtive thngs only.. he said that he dont feel anythng for me.. nd thn he kissed me .. but still he said that he dnt feel anythng for me nd started liking someone else nd love her too

  2. Amenda says:

    My bf broke up with me cuz of long distance. We’ve been dated for 2yrs but we had to live in different states this year because of college. He unfollowed my instagram and blocked facebook. So I’m doing NC period and it’s been 20 days right now. He was checking my stories every single day even if he unfollowed my instagram. However he deleted his account after a day I uploaded a good pic of me having a fun time. It was obvious. I assume he got mad at some point and decided not to see me anymore. I was thinking about texting him after 10 days but I’m afraid whether he also delete my phone number or not and worried that he thinks I’m moving on. He has severe mood swings too so I’m not sure I should stop NC period or not and contact him asap. Ex deleting a social media account during a NC period, is it a good sign or bad sign?

  3. Dy says:

    Hi,

    I would like to know what I should do if in 21/30/45 days he doesn’t contact me or if I contacted him and there’s no response? What does it mean? How should I react? He got bored of our relationship. Also, it has been 3 days since I am not contacting him because he wanted for us to have “space” for the meantime but I asked him until when he just said he doesn’t know. Also, I don’t have the means to contact him because I asked him and gave him my phone and told him that “hang on to my phone. if you’re already okay, give me back my phone or contact my sister or brother or call me in landline or office phone.” This is for me to be able to not contact him because if I have my phone I’ll only be texting, calling, and/or emailing him.

    What should I do? I’m really depressed and devastated.

  4. Dy says:

    Hi

    What if in the period of 21/30/45 days, he won’t contact me? What should I do? Should I contact him? How? Also, what I did during the initial split up (he wants to cool off because he got bored of me) is I gave him my phone because I have the tendency to text/call or message him in facebook or email him so that I won’t have any contact with him.

  5. Nilüfer says:

    He was my first bf and we were together for only 3 weeks. He said that 2 days later from me he found another girl. And we worked at the same place and i didn’t hear about nc rule. He started to wear better and laughed more. It really hurt me. A few days later on 18th august i said “i miss you” and he was a bit negative but mostly neutral. And i read about nc rule and i won’t write till 19th september. It really works. I focus on myself,share beautiful photos of me and my trip. Everday i am active and will go shopping. Thanks for everything. But my questions:
    1-Should i continue nc rule?(becuz i tried to talk with him for a few years before 18th august maybe it won’t work)
    2-Our relationship was only for 3 weeks but i was the first girl he kissed and had many good memes. So will he forget me in your opinion?
    Thanks for everything,i love you all 🙂

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Nilufer,

      It’s not a guarantee that it will work, it will only help increase your chances.. The nc rule is for you to be less emotional and more rational and to have a restart and to start a new routine in your life that is open to the poasibility of not getting him back

  6. Lynn says:

    I don’t know, we have a friends relationship with some intimate moments recently but I didn’t tell him I want him back… He is going next month a few days to that city looking for apartment (good luck, most expensive city in the country and 30th in the world) and after that, we would meet, before he moves in October (and me too, I move to his city in tha same moment). I don’t know, he is going there because he loves the city, he doesn’t have a job, only some savings (and not much), just because. And I am afraid even of that days of apartment hunt.
    Thank you so much…
    I told him “I am happy for you buut I feel I little sad because you are going away” and he told m “nah, this will be always be my home, I’ll come back for holidays and more” but… I couldn’t tell him more, not by text. I thought in telling him everything, since everything is lost, that things could have been different, that moving to his town made me realize that I miss him and that we could have give us another chance (obvioulsy I can’t tell him “I’ve been devastated for you). But I don’t know how to convince him. May his “adventure” go wrong (is very difficult affording living in that city, I know it because I wanted to study my MA there and I couldn’t and I had my family to support me) but maybe not, I can’t rely on that. It is about us. And I don’t know what to do, I know that we could work and I don’t know how to convince him because he is stubborn and if before he has “barriers”, now…
    I have a few weeks before the meeting (if that happens, I am afraid he regrets his decision of meeting, even if he suggested first and promised), I need to know what could I do during his weeks (with him dreaming about his new life, which wouldn’t be that easy but I’m not breaking his illusions) and how to reassure the meeting…and what to do and say then.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      ah ok.. I may have said this to you already but it’s really just focusing in yourself and in your own life. You don’t convince a person to be attracted. When you’re attractive it’s because you’re doing you’re own thing and being happy about it.

    • Lynn says:

      I know Amor, thank you, you’re right but I miss him so much…I’m trying to focus on myself but still want to be with him and I don’t know what to tell him when we meet before he leaves for asking him for another chance, is my last opportunity and odds are aganist me (distance, a gir from that city who chases him, greener grass syndrome…) and I don’t know how to increase my chances…

    • Lynn says:

      Plus, I’ve just read the article about having “the talk”, it is wonderful…my situation is not the best but as I told, I will try it during our meeting before he left. So I need to know what can I do these previous weeks for setting the mood. He is going to that city a few days before we met to search for an apartment and he may meet the girl I’m jealous about, and he will experience the city and be more illusioned about his “new life” so the circumstances are not great but it would be my last chance…
      Our relationship actually, sum up: friends, texting every week, 60% he initiating 40% me iniciating, some intimate conversations a few weeks ago, he is still physically attracted to me and let me know that, I made him happy recently and he didn’t stop saying it and complimenting me those days.
      What can I do to get him more before his first trip and before having the talk?

      Thank you a lot

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You have to incorporate jealousy tactics and during the talk, make it seem like that’s he’s last chance if he wants to work it out.. Like, if he says he really doesn’t want to try anymore, tell him, you understand.. you just wanted to hear that so you can fully move on.

    • Lynn says:

      You are right Amor, thank you. And since this is really our last chance, this is how I’ll play it. It is hard…I have been following the steps from before NC to here and now everything is ruined, I hope these months actions were something and…Well, I need a miracle, almost… Thank you again of everything

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Don’t be so hard on yourself..you’re welcome!

  7. Lynn says:

    I am truly desperated.
    I was in the friends stage trying to get my ex back. We were texting each other at least once a week, sometimes kinda intimately, he let me know that he is still attracted to me, that he used to look at my pictures, I made him happy in his bday (a month ago) even we weren’t together. We lived in different but close cities and I am moving for a year to his. I just told him but…he is moving to the other side of the country. I am broken, I don’t want to lost him forever but he didn’t like distance relationships (one of our problems was that, it started my insecurities, I became needy and negative and…). He told me that we could met when I move if he is still there but I think it’s going to be impossible, same days of moving more or less… So I told him to met before, next month (he moves in October). It would be the first time we see each other after the break up.
    I know my case is impossible but…is there anything I can do? Please, I need help…I am devastated and I think that we were meant to be, that we can make it (If we went back together, the distance would only be for a year, I could move after this course and he is moving to my favorite city in the world – well, now that city will hurt me forever). But this is not important, first we should give us another chance and I don’t know what to do. Any help? Please

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