Most of my readers will know that I am a big believer that to win your ex-boyfriend back you should always start with a solid period of no-contact. I recommend this to help you get your head straight, work on yourself and give your ex-boyfriend some time to get over any negative feelings they may have towards you and start to miss you.

But you can’t stay in no-contact forever, so what do you do afterwards?

Well…. It seems obvious but it is time to reach out and initiate contact!

You start with texting your ex-boyfriend and go from there…. And that is what this article is going to talk about.

We are going to discuss: –

  1. The First Contact Text Message
  2. Zeigarnik Effect
  3. Positive, Neutral, Negative responses and No Replies
  4. Next steps

If you are reading this because you are coming to the end of your no-contact period, congratulations!!!… no contact is difficult, so well done for getting this far!

The next stage of winning your ex back is the texting phase.

During your no contact period the focus is on self-improvement, becoming the Ungettable Girl, posting to social media and not texting your ex or stalking your ex-boyfriend’s social media.

Now that you are entering the texting phase the approach is going to change and we are going to start introducing some new elements into the plan to get your ex-boyfriend back.

What can you see from this picture?

That all your self-improvement to become the Ungettable Girl is central to all your efforts in winning your ex back. All your texting activities will be positively influenced by the new improved you.

Once you are in the texting phase you will continue to post amazing pictures to social media but then also start to introduce texts, followed by phone calls and lastly you are going to start going on dates with your ex-boyfriend.

The phone calls and dates should be scheduled later in the texting phase, this is because you will need to gradually build-up some rapport with your ex and we will take about that more later.

Regardless of the reason you broke up with your ex-boyfriend the first thing you will need to do after your no-contact period is send a First Contact text message.

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Sending You First Text Message

Some of you may have already planned out your texting schedule, if not don’t worry it is not an essential part of the plan to win your ex back but it will make the texting process easier if you have.

Your “First Contact” text message should be something non-threatening and low pressure that will make your ex-boyfriend want to reply. It should be something that is:-

  • Fun
  • Interesting
  • Positive

When you send your first message to your ex-boyfriend, I want you to do something totally counter-intuitive and avoid…..

  • Mentioning the breakup
  • Saying you miss him
  • Saying you want to get back together.

It is a good idea to focus your first contact text message around his hobbies and interests. The sort of topics you could use include talking about his favorite sports team, TV shows he likes, things about his pet or even his favorite local bar.

There are two types of First Contact text messages.

  1. The Million Dollars Technique
  2. The Curiosity Technique

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The Million Dollars Technique

I call this the Million Dollars technique because everyone wants to hear that they have won a Million Dollars!

What this text does is share information that your ex would be super excited to hear about. This type of text is suited to breakups that happened on relatively good terms.

Here are some examples of what your first contact text message might look like:-

You see what is great about this text is that it shows your ex-boyfriend that you are in a good mood and it is safe to talk to you.

You are also starting a conversation with your ex that he is going to find both interesting and easy to reply to because it doesn’t require too much thinking.

Finally adding a funny picture brings the text message to life and makes it seem more fun. Generally speaking texts that include funny pictures get better responses than those without.

Just remember that you should not be sending pictures of yourself to your ex when you first make contact as this will seem too forward.

The Curiosity Text

I really like this type of text message because it really grabs the attention, it utilizes something called the Zeigarnik Effect to get your ex to reply! This type of text is perfect if you think your ex is really unlikely to reply to you.

The Zeigarnik Effect is the cliff-hanger technique they use in TV shows to pique you interest and get you coming back next week to watch the show.

For example

You are watching television and the main character is in a car chase and suddenly he drives off a cliff….

You know what happens next!

The show ends with “TO BE CONTINUED” and you have to wait until next week to see if he has survived.

You can use this effect in your First Contact Text message by dangling a carrot of information in-front of your ex-boyfriend and then make him wait to find out what the information is.

Here is an actual example of a genuine curiosity text that was donated to me from one of the girls on the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery support group: –

What I really like about this text is that it subtly tells your ex that you are improving yourself by working out and thus going to be even hotter than when he broke up with you. When he hears this, he is going to start stalking your social media IMMEDIATELY, so make sure you have some great pictures up that he can see.

The other thing I love about this text message is that it is fun and unusual…… How often do you actually see a dog in your gym?

It really is something an ex-boyfriend would never be able to guess!

What helps this type of text works even better if you can keep your ex-boyfriend in suspense you before you give him the answer about what you saw…. Ideally make him wait 30-45 mins when he asks what the information is, that is how you create a cliff hanger!

There are other ways you can use the Zeigarnik effect to create a cliff-hanger through your social media too.

For Example

You might post something like this on Facebook:-

The first thing your ex-boyfriend is going to do when he sees this is wonder what the big announcement will be…..

Does she have a new job?

Has she bought a house?

Did she get engaged?

But the best part is he won’t have any real idea what your announcement is, so it will drive him crazy wondering endlessly.

To keep your cliff hanger going you would leave that post up for a couple of days before texting him something like this:-

I really love this approach because your ex is going to be in suspense for a couple of days, regularly checking your social media to figure out what it could be.

The other thing I like is that it has the potential to give you some feedback as to whether he is actually checking your Facebook and having this kind of data is really helpful when trying to get your ex back!

There are important factors you need to bear in mind when having your first text conversation and that is always end the conversation on a high point.

I want you to wait until the conversation gets really interesting for him and then immediately end it by either ghosting or saying you are off out with friends. When you end on a high point you are going to leave him wanting more, and this will encourage him to start texting you.

In other words, it gets him to start chasing you!

Ex Boyfriend Response Types

When you send your First Contact Text Message to your ex-boyfriend he is going to respond to you in one of four ways.

  1. Positive response
  2. Negative response
  3. Neutral response
  4. No reply

Positive response

If your ex responds positively he might say something back like: –

  • “Haha that is great!” 

  • “Thanks for the heads up! It’s good to hear from you!”

If you get a positive response I want you to wait 3 days from your first contact text message before you start another text conversation.

Why?….. to make him wonder if you will text again, to show you aren’t a text GNAT and finally to give him sometime to initiate a conversation if he wants to.

A GNAT is a person who Goes Nuts At Texting! It is someone who texts your phone so often it starts to explode….. this is a huge turnoff for men and will only reinforce in his mind that the breakup was the right decision.

Once a few days have passed and your ex has not reached out to you after you have your first conversation, that’s not a problem. It doesn’t matter who starts the conversation, it only matters who ends it….

You need to be the person who ends the conversations as this will give the power and allow you to take back control from him after the breakup and make him chase you.

Neutral response

The neutral response is something that generally tends to happen when your ex-boyfriend is curious enough to reply to your text but isn’t excited enough to generate a positive reply or he is nervous about why you are suddenly texting after a month of no-contact.

Here is an example of what a neutral response might look like:-

  • “Ok”
  • “Cool”
  • “Thanks”

As you can see the neutral response isn’t necessarily bad, it just isn’t going to blow you away when you read it.

When you get a neutral reply, it is going to be pretty tempting to chase after him and try and push the conversation further.

DO NOT TEXT HIM BACK!

Remember what I said earlier?…. It matters who ends the conversation.

If you get a neutral response, that is a big signal that the conversation needs to end. If you try to push the conversation further he will end the conversation and you will lose the power.

When you get a neutral response to your first contact text message you should wait 5 or 6 days before texting him again with the other first contact text massage format.

What I recommend is that if you get a neutral response from your ex take some time to review the message you sent and ask yourself

“Was this exciting or interesting enough? Would I want to reply to this?”

I am a big fan of reviewing the data you are getting from your ex, so it’s a great idea to keep a log about what you are learning from your ex’s responses.

Negative Response

This kind of text is never pleasant for you to receive but it doesn’t mean things are totally doomed forever! 
When your ex-boyfriend sends you a negative response it usually means that he is not ready to talk and needs a little while longer to get over the pain of the breakup before he starts to miss you.

Here are examples of Negative responses:-

  • “I hate what you did to us”
  • “Leave me alone!”
  • “It is over!”
  • “I’m seeing someone”

If your ex responds negatively towards your first contact text message reply and say this before going back into a mini co-contact period.

“I understand you are upset, I will leave you in peace, hope you are doing well”

If you get a negative response from your ex I suggest you wait between 2-4 weeks before trying to text your ex-boyfriend again.
If your ex is angry for no reason or says he is seeing someone new then I think it is safe to wait 2 weeks.

The best approach to take if your ex-boyfriend has a new girlfriend is to use the “Being There Method” which I cover in more detail in Ex-Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

If your ex is angry because your breakup was caused by major life issues like alcoholism then wait 3 weeks. If this is the case think about whether you need to make a one off apology for your behavior.

If your ex is angry because you cheated I would definitely wait 4 weeks before trying to re-contact your ex-boyfriend, again a one off apology is probably a good idea here before returning to no contact.

Sometimes a few days after you get a negative response from your ex, he will text you again with an apology. If this happens it is a good indicator that your ex-boyfriend has calmed down enough to have a conversation and you should reply calmly.

The last thing I will say about negative responses is that if you are greeted with an angry response from your ex, do not to chase after him and do not become a GNAT.

No reply

Now this one is probably the hardest one to deal with.

Imagine the situation…..

You have been missing your ex-boyfriend for a month whilst you painfully wait out no contact.

You’ve been working so hard on improving yourself and you are excited to show off the new you.

You spend all day wondering what to text, you finally craft the perfect text message and press send……………..

Minutes later you see the notification that it has been read but you get no reply from your ex….

You check your phone every five minutes, but still nothing comes….

That’s got to be pretty heart-breaking, right?

You can imagine how that panic might set in as you start to wonder why he is ignoring you. For a lot of my readers getting no reply feels much worse than getting a negative reply because it leaves them wondering what is going on.

If your ex-boyfriend doesn’t respond to your first contact text message then you should be patient and wait it out for 7-10 days. Please do not GNAT your ex!

Quite often an ex-boyfriend will read your message and be so surprised you have text that he doesn’t know what to say. He will basically get scared about replying in case he says the wrong thing and so won’t reply until he is ready.

Another reason he might not reply is because of your behavior after the breakup, if you were a major Text Gnat then he might worry that you are about to start bombarding him with texts if he replies. By not replying to your First Contact Text Message, he is testing to see if you are a text gnat, so don’t fail the test!!!

Next steps

So what happens after you have received a positive reply to your First Contact Text Message? 
Easy!……..You are going to send more texts!

You see….. one text alone won’t get your ex-boyfriend back.

What is required is a series of texts to build some rapport i.e. get him to start liking you again.
When this happens you can escalate and start adding phone calls to your texts to build even more rapport.

Then you can start going on some dates to build on your text and phone calls!

Exciting stuff!

So to round up let’s have a quick recap on what we have covered.

  • You need to continue to work on your self-improvement and becoming the Ungettable Girl.
  • You should send either Million Dollar or Curiosity technique First Contact text message.
  • You should always finish a conversation on a high.
  • You should NEVER gnat or chase after him.
  • You should refer to the positive, negative, neutral and no response waiting times before initiating further contact with a second text message.
  • That your next steps are to send some more texts, escalate to phone calls and then escalate to dates building rapport at every level as you go!

What to Read Next

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216 thoughts on “What To Do After The No Contact Period”

  1. Avatar

    Zola

    February 12, 2021 at 2:26 am

    I did 32 days of NC and reached out to my ex about help with selecting a new car (he rebuilds cars). We had a few back and forth texts and he asked if he could call to explain something. After he explained, he said, “I will leave you alone now.” I was surprised (he initiated the breakup) he said that. I just said he wasn’t bothering me and it was nice to catch up. He also said he was happy to help when I found ones I liked. He’s very polite though so I’m not sure if this is positive or neutral. Gah. I guess I’ll wait 5 or 6 days to reach out.

  2. Avatar

    Gisel

    January 7, 2021 at 4:33 am

    Hi EBR,

    My ex broke up with me on November after 6 months of relationship, saying that our communication failed & I talk too much (not balanced) whereas he told me the reason why he’s in love at the first place is because of our communication is going really well & he’s never like this way & can be really open up with me… and that’s really strange, right? The broke up went pretty good, he says sorry to me & hug me.

    We met up 3 days after and I tried to explain every situation & possibilities & that we still could work it out and turns out it makes him pull away more.

    After that, I reach 2 times but the responds are not good (he is responsive but he keeps avoiding me). After that, I go to NC and I’ve been following on each every steps, improving myself, go to the gym, going out, let him stalk me in Instagram stories (he view almost all of it) & I didn’t stalk him at all.

    After 37 days of NC, on Jan 5 2021, I initiate first text message talking about coffee (he’s into it and even has several coffee related thing). He reply what kind of coffee is it? After I explain the type of coffee, he said ok i’ll try it sometimes, thanks. That’s it.

    What’s the next thing to do? I’m planning to text him again tomorrow.

    Throughout the relationship, he’s not really good in texting, I’d like to text again & ask for his help, which at the moment, I really need his help and quick phone call or meet up. Is it a good idea?

    Because the problem needs process in discussion and I don’t think text messages only is enough.

    But… there’s also this covid-19 issue & I’m really confused whether it’s a good idea or not to ask for meet up, because there’s an elderly in his house & he’s kind of concern of it (he told me when he’s still together with me)… However, I got this feeling that he still going out and don’t know why I kind of suspect he has someone else, much younger than me and I know deep in my heart it’s not his type at all.

    Kindly advised.. I felt lost 🙁

  3. Avatar

    Pam

    January 5, 2021 at 6:16 pm

    Hey my ex has mailed me saying “can we please talk” do i respond ? Or wait for 30 days. I’m on day 8.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 6, 2021 at 5:34 pm

      Ignore, unless he says he wants to get back together then you do not reply to him

  4. Avatar

    Celia

    December 28, 2020 at 10:17 pm

    I got o question… my ex broke up with me because he wasnt in love anymore, we were together for 1.5 years and lived together. Anyways, he wants us to remain friends. But i still went in to no contact after about 1.5 months after we broke up. I’ve been working my ass off in the gym and just tried to make me the best version i can be both with my looks and personality. After you done the no contact for 30 days, and you are now in the texting phase…how long should each phase be? We just started talking via text last week and he’s really positive and nice in his texts. He asks me things and seems interested in keeping the conversations going. He has also ended some texts with ”kisses and hugs” and with that emoji face thats kissing… am i overthinking when i feel thats a positive sign?
    Please give me som answers, i kinda feel lost right now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 6, 2021 at 10:31 pm

      Hi Celia, the texting phase can run into months, it really depends on your exes investments and the quality of texts that you are sending. You need to read some more articles or consider getting the texting bible if you feel you need that assistance with the types of texts you should be sending in more detail

  5. Avatar

    Jana

    September 12, 2020 at 12:47 am

    Hello EBR team!
    My ex and I lets call him Ben. We work tog. and dated for 4-5 ms and he broke up with me 1.5 ms ago after a period of no seeing or speaking with each other of I think about 1 wk. Breakup went mostly well and I let him go and quickly started a 21day nc. I initiated contact 3 days ago and Ben replied very positive even txting after I 1st dismissed my self and we talked for a lot of the day really having fun and joking but then he left me on read when he mentioned a boyfriend but…I don’t have 1. I did reply that but maybe it was vague within my joke and he maybe didn’t understand since its now been almost 3 days since we talk. I do plan on contcting in 1 more day since I don’t want to be a gnat but Ben kept bringing up the relationship here and there though I didn’t. When he said he looks for new people I just replied with very normal level of support so I don’t know if maybe that helped me or not. I think our relationship problems are able to be fixed now that I have worked on my self and my confidence and also made more convent choices for my life. How do I keep building that rapport and planting attrction so that this becomes more successful the coming wks? I think I am so close to being UG and that I could bring him back with your help. If not I do wish him the best but I saw in that conversation that he could maybe miss me.

  6. Avatar

    Eva

    August 21, 2020 at 7:01 pm

    On again off again long distance relationship for 8 years. After another round of a 3 month silent treatment… he answered. He did want to talk about our fight 3 months ago to which I replied that I did not come back to pick up where we left off and that I’m not angry anymore. I feel slighted however that he doesn’t ask how I’ve been or what I’m up to. I mentioned coming through his town in a couple of months or so but he keeps steering the conversation to sex. When I texted him about my new job however… no answer. I love him but I’m having second thoughts about going to see him if he is so focused on the sexual side of things. Should I just go no contact again???

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 10, 2020 at 7:54 pm

      Hey Eva so if you were to meet up then you need to be sure that you do something fun, public and definitely no sex. You need to have the “best day” with him and then when you leave him it will give him time to want to see you again and reflect on the great time you had with him, without sex

  7. Avatar

    Tayyaba

    July 21, 2020 at 9:42 am

    Hello hope you are well. please help me…. my relation ship has gone toxic and he does says me good morning and good night and communicates in a day but it is just a little bit without any true deep meaning because i mistakenly smothered him, without knowing. i liked spending time with him. we are in a long term relationship, cant even meet. please help. should i break up with him…. for no contact rule? or let him contact me in this distant way. hes very distant and cold. without emotions

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 8:09 pm

      Hi Tayyaba, so I would suggest that you follow the rules of Limited no contact for a while and pull back giving your other half some space and time without you around. Then when you are apart you need to work on yourself so that you learn to not be so smothering and clingy. Spend time with your friends and family with out him

  8. Avatar

    Lionnel

    July 18, 2020 at 8:43 am

    Hey I did no contact rule , and today I texted him and after few minutes he replied back positively”I do also hope you are okay too and all is well back at home”. am confused what to reply back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 9, 2020 at 10:41 am

      Hey Lionnel, did you read the texting articles about how to have interesting conversations rather than general conversaions?

  9. Avatar

    Anna

    June 15, 2020 at 6:20 pm

    Hi. I dated a guy very briefly (just a couple of dates) and he ended it because he started seeing someone else. I responded very positively and started NC. He reached out 10 days later but it was clearly for a hook up which he apologized for. I told him I was upset and need some time to process and he apologized several more times and told me how much respect he has for me. I sent him a text a couple of weeks later and he replied immediately. Another week later I texted him and again he replied immediately. Following week the same. The thing is, this guy responds very positively with lols and stories about what he’s doing and then it just stops, no conversation, just replies (though I don’t think he is generally a great texter). If I ask questions, he will reply but he doesn’t ask any questions so it is easy to end the conversation with him. So I stop. I am not sure if I should take this as though he is just being nice, or if I should continue to reach out.

  10. Avatar

    Kiki

    May 31, 2020 at 7:05 pm

    Hello, please help me. I did the no contact rule and then messaged him. It was going pretty good. We would text almost every day. But I was scared and took too long to tell him I still like him or that I miss him and so now he said he just started talking to another girl. It’s only been a week so it’s not that serious but I’m worried he’ll forget me. He hasn’t messaged me as much anymore. What do I do? Do I admit my feelings for him? I’m not sure I can keep talking to him while he’s with another girl. I want to be happy for him but it hurts. I told him congratulations though. But I feel like I’m lying since I’m not happy. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 1, 2020 at 10:23 am

      Hey Kiki, so if he has started talking to someone else, that isn’t such a big deal but if they get into a relationship then you would need to follow a 45 day rule and then start the being there method. I would suggest that you follow the information about being there method while they are not in a relationship as he is going to compare you and her as you are his ex.

  11. Avatar

    Jane

    May 17, 2020 at 1:37 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up 4 months ago. He always has a lot of drama in his life. It’s mostly due to the way he deals with things to begin with. I broke up with him because we were going nowhere. We just were dating a few times a month. It just seem to me that he didn’t want anything more. I felt like I was wasting my time. Also, anytime I really needed him he would flake. I was sick and I didn’t hear from him. No…. I hope your okay. No…. phone call. I began to see that it seem to me that he did not want a real relationship at all. I ended it for that reason. I was fed up with the fact that we were not going anywhere. I was hoping he would fight for us but he didn’t. I am ready to move on. I have had a few people ask me out and I am ready. I really wanted to work things out with my boy friend but the big question is why. Things will not change. The no contact brought me to all these realizations. It’s time to move on. He was obviously not the one. This is for all the people who think that after a period of time of no contact they will get him back but there is also the good chance that you will realize that you don’t want someone that won’t fight for the relationship back. I’m happy with my decision and I’m looking forward to dating again.

  12. Avatar

    Jenn

    May 12, 2020 at 3:48 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago in a mutual way. We were becoming codependent and we moved extremely quickly with each other. We moved in with each other after 6 months of dating which took a huge toll on our relationship and sex life. We both want to be apart of each other’s lives and decided to be friends. So we have been in no contact for 10 days now to clear our heads and I am starting to realize that I want to give the relationship another shot because I truly think that our issues are something that can be fixed If we are both willing. We have tremendous amounts of respect for each other and what we need, great at communicating, and have lots of trust with each other. Part of me is scared he won’t feel the same way and I don’t want to immediately open with “I want you back.” How do I first contact him when our no contact period is over? Should I wait before telling him I want him back if he doesn’t say it first?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 2:53 pm

      Hi Jenn, spend some time reading some more articles as you are not supposed to reach out with a message that says you want the ex back immediately this just undoes your work during the NC. I suggest you complete a 30 day NC and read more articles so that you fully understand the program

  13. Avatar

    M

    May 3, 2020 at 9:51 am

    Hi Shaunna, I have commented before on your page but I received no response, so I really really hope you respond this time although I know how busy you guys are

    So me and my ex broke up one month ago, and I didn’t cause any drama at all when he broke it off, he told me he didn’t see himself falling in love with me and I said “thank you for being honest with me, I appreciate that”. I wished him for his birthday 2 weeks later and then I started nc. Since his birthday he texted me 1-3 times and also wished me for my birthday but I didn’t respond. I texted him yesterday asking about smth that now I realize it was super lame… taxes…
    You see the last message that he sent me that I didn’t respond to was “Previous intern friends- don’t forget to do your taxes otherwise you’re leaving money on the table” (we were both doing our internship at the same company, there’s where we met each other) anyways I didn’t respond to that..

    However after 21 days of no contact, I contacted him a week after his send the last text and told him “hey so i was wondering if you could help me out, i went through old taxes and I received nothing related to our internship so what were you talking about?”

    He sent me a voicemail where he was being very neutral with his tone explaining me all the procedure

    I told him “Thank you for your help, very sweet of you” and attached this cute emoji hahah

    But he didn’t respond… so he left me on seen….He is stubborn and has a high ego.. so I think that the fact that I ignored his texts in the past really annoyed him and made him lose interest, also my gut tells me he might be seeing his ex..
    They used to be friends even when we were dating so I assume that they continued to be friends after he broke it off with me (After reading your blogs I realized, she might have been using the “be there method”) My gut tells me they may be back together, because he cannot meet other girls now in quarantine and his ex would be the easiest choice for him..

    I don’t know how to act now that I texted him that super super lame text (I know) and he left me on seen… I would really appreciate if you could help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 13, 2020 at 11:05 am

      Hi M, so the most important thing is that you do not assume he is in a relationship or that he is involved with someone else without you having solid proof he has met someone else. This would also mean that you would need to do a 45 day NC. Now that you sent that message and got a NR, he didnt really have anythign to reply to. I suggest that you read some articles about texting and use that to create more interesting conversations with your ex to build rapport

  14. Avatar

    Jane

    April 24, 2020 at 3:16 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I reached out after a 6 week period of no contact last week. Received a response but the responses were very neutral ‘yes’, ‘hope you are well’ etc. He didn’t seem interested in continuing on the conversation. He then stopped talking when I said that I was happy about the break up and how it made me realize that we are better off as friends (I was trying to save face because I felt embarrassed having texted then in the first place).

    When he broke up with me I immediately went into no contact, no text gnatting or anything like that. I said that I accepted his choice and that was that. We haven’t been in contact since. I haven’t seen him at all since the quarantine, but I will be seeing him when it is over (we work together). I’ve been working out and look and feel great so I don’t think I’d be too devastated if it is over!

    Any advice on what to do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 8:38 pm

      Hi Jane, when you reach out ideally we suggest that you do not speak about the break up or emotional conversations at all. I would recommend that you read the articles that Chris has produced to help you plan what to talk to your ex about to build rapport

  15. Avatar

    Sarah

    April 1, 2020 at 4:45 am

    I broke up with my ex boyfriend about 5 weeks ago, he texted me yesterday due to a payment that was charged to his card by mistake. We chat for a bit and fix the issue with no arguments, we never had problems with those things so it was a smooth text conversation. A bit short, but friendly and polite. Actually, was nice to hear from him during this pandemic days and know that he cares about my health as well. However, I was planning to keep with the NC until next week cause tomorrow is his birthday and now I feel kinda of obligated to wish him happy birthday. I really don’t want give him the impression that I don’t care about him but it seems to fast to jump into that. Should I just wait for a week or so to contact him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 7, 2020 at 11:48 pm

      Hi Sarah yes stick to the original plan of NC do not reach out on his birthday he will then think about you and wonder why you have not reached out to him

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    Jolene

    February 21, 2020 at 9:32 am

    Hi there, just need some advice.
    I went no contact for a month, lost alot of weight, got my head sorted out, all in all feeling like a new person, and today broke the rule by sending a positive and humorous message because I was feeling good and happy.
    To which he responded: Oh, are you talking to me again? To which I responded that yes, I just needed time away from him to gain perspective on our situation. And then texted that we can be friends because that is all I am ready for!!!?? He didn’t respond to that.
    Does this mean I should just move on? I am good to do that, not sure if I should just give up and if I messed everything up totally now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 26, 2020 at 10:38 pm

      Hi Jolene so the fact you told him you only wanted to be friends and he didn’t reply more than likely he felt a little bit sad that you appear to be over him. I would reach out again in a few days and see what sort of response you get without getting into a conversation about the past, the relationship, or emotions. Talk about something interesting that he is going to want to talk about and end the conversation at its peak

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    Katie

    February 19, 2020 at 10:52 pm

    In our last conversation, I told my ex that I still loved him. I think it scared him (though it wasn’t the first time I’d said it. He then suggested that “maybe we shouldn’t talk.” I already knew that I’d have to do no contact in order to have a chance at getting him back, and that’s when I started it. Today marks day 30. I’m eager to start the next part of this process but I’m also nervous. I want to be sure I take the right steps and don’t ruin my chances of getting him back. I’ve read many of your blogs, listened to your podcasts, and watched your YouTube videos. My gut tells me that he will come back, but I’m terrified of screwing anything up! Please help me figure out the right way to go about this!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 20, 2020 at 10:51 pm

      Hi Katie following the program starting with No Contact and working towards being Ungettable is the way forward while reading the materials on this website

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    Shan

    December 3, 2019 at 10:53 am

    Hey so I finished 38 days no contact. The first conversation was fine and then I ended up texting him 3 days after that and having a great conversation. However I ended up ruining it . I don’t have much great advice at home and when I told my mother this she told me I was acting like a dog and basically all of this overwhelmed so much into calling my ex and just asking him if he still cares for me or not. I told him I honestly did not want to be friends and we don’t have to be a couple or anything right now, but I would prefer if he just let me know if he doesn’t like me so I could move on fully. Basically he told me he still loves me and has feelings for me but he doesn’t know if he still wants me to be with him in the future or not. I feel better knowing that he loves me but I feel sucky for giving in to peer pressure and my anxiety. Anyways within the conversation on the phone I apologized to him for my outburst and rushing him and I just told him that we will talk about it another time in the future and this is the last negative thing we will discuss for a while till we feel ready to have that convo later. I also asked him if he still felt comfortable texting and talking to me afterwards to which he replied yes it’s fine if I keep texting him the way I was after no contact. He said he doesn’t mind, but I feel so bad that I want to send him an apology text. I know what I said wasn’t as extreme as an ultimatum bc I wasn’t like “either be with me or I’ll never talk to u again” but I did say I didn’t want to be his friend and that I would rather move on if he has no feelings for me, which is true. (I suffer with anxiety btw, so knowing things like this is better for me. Atleast I would know if it was over or not) Now that I know he still has feelings for me I don’t want to make any more mistakes. So should I send another apology through text even though I said sorry at the end of our conversation, or should I just not say anything so that I don’t cause any more damage or initiate contact too soon. He said he is ok with me contacting him once in a while (I was doing light hearted text and it was actually going really well). So should I just not say anything and back off of him for a week or two since he’s not entirely angry? Please help. I’m trying to look on the bright side being that I know how he feels and I know I’m not wasting my time entirely, but I still feel bad because I don’t know if I should apologize again or not. Sorry if this seems repetitive by the way lol.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 7:25 pm

      Hi Shan so I know this is going to be hard to hear but you need to do another no contact as you have 1 – skipped the value chain 2 – had an emotional conversation 3 – made him fully aware that he still has you if he wanted you back. These are all things that we do No Contact to change. You do not want your ex knowing he has you if he wants you, you do not want to have emotional conversations with someone, especially when you haven’t spoken in over a month, and you do not have a phone call so soon in the process. You need to read the articles here so that you learn how to follow the program properly while you do a second bought of No Contact for 21 days this time

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    Alexandra

    December 1, 2019 at 12:41 am

    Hey!
    I commented on another post before about my ex leaving me, blocking, getting a new gf, unblocking me, he gave me a chance to start over instead i bombarded him with essays being a beg. all that dilemma. I chased him hard for 5 months and he blocked me again. I tried contacting him and he said no chance he doesnt want to talk and Too much has happened.
    So I stayed away for 5 weeks. Last friday I saw him out and I managed to be normal say hello how are you? He didnt want to talk at first but he did in the end. He said ‘i’ll be in touch when ive healed and ready’. Last night I decided to try and text him knowing that i’m blocked, and it delivered hes unblocked me!! I said how Im ready to be normal now and stop this pattern and be happy, that I love him but willing to be an adult and not chase anymore. Then i pocket dialed him by and he said “ ill block you if you keep ringing “.. I said sorry didnt mean too, drop me a message when you fancy a chat. He sent me a thumbs up..
    .
    My plan is now to be normal, text him when i know hes at work and not with with the new girl, have normal conversations and not bring anything up like he wanted before.

    Could this work? I have such high hopes for us I know we are ment to be. Im not going to beg again or come accross needy. Im going to try my hardest now to strike conversation like you suggest, and prove to him I can be normal and we can move forward. Im hoping over time he will trust me, remember the girl he loved and this new girl wont matter?
    My friends have saw him out with this new girl they are together but i really do believe hes blocking his emotions out with me, shes the opposite to me! Im obsessing now what to talk to him about I feel everything i put will be wrong..i just need to not give him a reason to be annoyed at me? Like starting a new friendship? God this is hard

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 7:50 pm

      Hey Alexandra, so the continuous messages and calling you are doing youre going to get yourself labelled as his “crazy” ex so rein that in and do not do it anymore, you need to give it a 21 day no contact again now after you sent emotional messages again to him. Knowing he has a new girl and that you plan on doing the being there method spend your no contact reading about that and the ungettable girl ready for when you reach out to him agian

  20. Avatar

    Davis nicole

    November 6, 2019 at 7:46 am

    Hey Chris my ex decided we should go on a break till he gets back from school so I agreed and gave him space and then I did the no contact rule then after one month he replied to my picture on my status and I replied normally with a thanks and a happy new month then after two days on a Sunday he replied to my Sunday picture on my status again so I just laughed coz it was a funny one but I don’t know what to do now and I don’t know if he actually wants to come back or he just wants us to be friends…..how do I know if it’s what he wants or not.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Davis so he is showing interest in your social media, and you now know he is watching. So read up on what being an Ungettable girl is and do that work, social media is an important part of this. However hes has asked for a break so communication is not supposed to happen. So go into a 30 day NC while you are doing the UG work. This is going to make him re consider that space he asked for and make him miss you and talking to you.

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