What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

The fear of experiencing all sorts of nightmare outcomes after a breakup or during the No Contact Period plagues many of our reader’s minds.

It is painful to endure the suffering of a breakup. Your boyfriend, who was always the focus of your attention…the guy you looked forward to seeing, talking to, and texting with…now suddenly is no longer in your life.

That can be scary and tough to deal with!

It is nightmarish enough just to deal with this huge change… this hole in your life.

Then you happen upon Chris’ website and start learning about how you can go about getting your ex back. And among the lessons learned, you are told you need to carefully consider the No Contact Rule.

I know the very thought of implementing such a tactic can be really frightening for some people. It seems to run against the grain of what you have been doing in the past.

I should know, because I read and answer so many of the comments that you leave on the website. Oh, I almost forgot to introduce myself,

amor

Hi! I am Amor and I am part of Chris’ Ex Boyfriend Recovery Team. I love what I do. It is my privilege to work with and help women and men throughout the world with their breakups.

So I guess if Chris is the Ex Recovery “Whisperer”, then that makes me the Ex Recovery “Listener”! I have listened to many readers stories. I know and understand your fears and insecurities. I feel like I live inside your broken hearts.

One of the biggest fears readers have is that their ex boyfriend may never give them another chance if they were to do the no contact rule. Heck, I know many of you are concerned that the No Contact Rule may not even work for you. I talk with women everyday who struggle to complete their No Contact Period.

Take these commenters as an example,

NC question 1

NC question 2

NC question 3

It is tough out there in the break up world!

But my job is to help you with easing the fears and anxieties. I hope I can help you gain some perspective. You should not have to constantly fret over your ex boyfriend recovery plan going sour.

So let’s start first with the language we are using when we talk about this stuff!. Let’s stop talking about nightmare scenarios. Let’s get more realistic and centered!

Sure, it is challenging in many ways when you start your No Contact Period. And we are not going to avoid discussing some of these problems. It is good to know what kind of thoughts might later be racing through your mind.

But we are not going to just focus on problems. Much of this post will also focus on solutions. I like shining some positive light into your life! So, instead of talking about nightmares, let’s use the language of a “Mantra”!

Do you know what that is?

Definition of Mantra: It’s a group of words in Sanskrit believed by practitioners to have psychological and spiritual powers.

Better yet, let’s refer to it as the Moonstruck Mantra.

Sometimes we all get struck down by certain thoughts and notions that are simply not true or are exaggerated. These ideas that get lodged into our minds can have negative psychological and spiritual consequences on our attitudes and behaviors.

So do you, at times, suffer from a “Moonstruck Mantra” around this whole topic of getting your ex boyfriend back?

Does the very thought of entering into a No Contact Period with your ex boyfriend shake you at your very core?

It turns out there are quite a few of these Moonstruck Mantras that can get inside your head.

Let’s explore some of the notions we get that are linked to implementing the No Contact Rule.

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You Will Lose Any Chance You Have With Your Ex If You Do The No Contact Rule

going to happen

This one is a pretty common concern.

But ask yourself, “didn’t you already lose him when he broke up with you?”

Now, I am not saying you can’t ever get him back. But really, what do you have to lose going forward. Think about what you have to gain.

Now, we sometimes have this little voice that speaks in our minds. It can too frequently remind us of all the negative possibilities. For example, you might be thinking:

“But wouldn’t doing no contact give him more freedom to stay away from me and forget me?”

The fact that he broke up with you, probably means he doesn’t want you to give him attention anymore. Or maybe, you broke up with him for all the right reasons. Perhaps he needs time and his so called “freedom” to sort things.

On one hand, he probably expects you to beg him or offer an alternative solution. But you will discover that as time passes, his attitude and thoughts around the “whole breakup situation” is likely to evolve. But you need to create some distance.

Our research shows he is more likely to miss you, than to just forget you forever. This is particularly true if the two of you were getting along for a good part of the relationship. Those memories don’t just disappear or waste away in a matter of weeks or months.

He likely was not thinking that you would move on so easily. He was probably expecting to hear from you. Maybe his ego was anticipating some begging or excuses….anything. But silence. No, that is not what he was expecting.

That’s why you need to do no contact. Leverage the remaining feelings he has for you by making him see you in a different light. If he’s tired of being with you, then doing no contact is your way of respecting his decision.

But it can also be your way of influencing the way he thinks about you. He may discover what he actually was experiencing before when he said he was “tired of you,” was just the normal up and down of relationship. Those who are immature or have little experience with relationships can sometimes act impulsively. Give him a chance to reflect on things.

So let’s dive a little deeper into this topic. What are some of the more common examples of how a Moonstruck Girl can get sideways with her emotions?

Let’s probe into what she is thinking.

Moonstruck Girl 1:

“I’m afraid to do the No Contact Rule. What if I lose him because of it? What if he decides to never talk to me because I’m implementing the no contact rule?”

Moonstruck Girl 2:

“I’m already losing him because of everything that I’ve done, but I don’t get why ignoring him would help? Wouldn’t that let him get away faster or become angrier with me. Will he just give up on me because he feels I gave up on him?”

Moonstruck Girl 3:

“He already said he’s not ever coming back. So wouldn’t using the No Contact Rule just give him the idea that I’m fine with that and then he’s free . I am afraid that I will lose him, instead of trying to get with him to discuss the solutions on how we can improve our relationship?”

Moonstruck Girl 4

“He will think that I gave up and decided to move on to another guy.”

Moonstruck Girl 5

“What if he moves on to another girl during the No Contact Period?”

Yep, that is a lot to take in. Our minds can race away in all kinds of directions when we start thinking about our boyfriends. So let’s try to put things into perspective and give you insights into what is more likely to happen and why you should stay the course.

Why Your Worst Fear of Being Lost to Him Forever Probably Won’t Ever Happen

More often than not, implementing the No contact Rule usually makes your guy want to talk to you more.

As Chris discussed in the How to make him miss you after a break up article, a study that was performed back in 2005 by Helen Fisher showed us that there are some fascinating things going on in the brain of both men and women when they experience a breakup.

When we want something really bad and feel hooked to it…much like a drug addict…we can find ourselves literally experiencing states of emotional and physical withdrawal symptoms. Such is our predicament when we are pulled away from our boyfriend.

Once there is separation, there is a certain part of the brain that just takes on this bad news and it cannot handle it very well. Your brain is looking for those feel good chemicals that it naturally releases when you are together in a loving and intimate relationship and when it cannot be found in the right quantities after the breakup, you end up paying dearly.

But so does your ex boyfriend. Remember, this is not a one way street irrespective of how he is acting or saying or behaving.

So when you choose to implement No Contact, you’re like putting him in an enhanced withdrawal state. Even if he’s the one who broke up with you, he will hurt because it doesn’t erase the fact that he’s still use to you being around. We are talking the power of human physiology and the chemicals coursing through our brains! I bet you never thought of your ex has a science experiment!

What You Should Do To Overcome Your Fears of Losing Him

The recipe is pretty simple, but I admit it can be hard to implement consistently. So what should you do?

First, stop thinking like that!

If you think in these terms and form images about the crazy scenarios you conjure up, then you are prone to think this way….again and again. And worst, this kind of thinking can cause you to act out on what you are thinking. If you persist with the negative focus, it can result in a self fulfilling prophecy. And that gets you nowhere fast!

Secondly, focus on being really, really productive during your no contact period. I mean get engaged in lots of things…different things. Consider including activities or things he loves (so long as you enjoy as well). This can help you in many ways. You can post some images of you participating and being involved in these activities on your Facebook account.

We want him to notice. It could lead later to something the two of you talk about.

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Moonstruck Girl #1: But What If Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Want to Talk After No Contact?

don't contact me again

First, ask yourself….is it really because of the No Contact Period or is it that he needs more time. And by the way, before I expand on this topic, let me remind you that the success of No Contact is not solely predicated on him reaching out to your first.

The method Chris teaches deals with you initiating contact. Also, just perhaps it is a good thing that he does not want to talk with you. Just maybe he is not the right guy for you or maybe he needs a lot more time to figure things out.

Ok….sorry! I digressed a bit. Let’s get back to some of the things that can complicate the No Contact Principle.

It could be due to the possibility that the break up was a really bad one. He may still be angry with you or terribly hurt. Maybe someone has his “ear” and is whispering a lot of negativity to him about you.

Perhaps during the No Contact Period, you did not do enough things to subtly re-build attraction. There are many ways you can do this which Chris discusses in his ebook, “The No Contact Rulebook“!

Those are probably the most common reasons why your ex-boyfriend is still not talking to you after the no contact period….which by the way usually ranges 21-30 days.

If he said he’s never going to talk to you before No Contact, that’s probably a manipulative move or he said it out of emotion because he can see you’re serious about wanting to have space. And that’s a good sign.

That means he doesn’t want to lose you. And the more that chemical cocktail in his brain starts churning with all the wrong hormones, that favors you. Yep, you will be hurting too. But it empowers you to know why and to know that he is missing you as much or more.

Now, if he says he “wants nothing to do with you” after the No Contact Period is over, don’t be in such a hurry to believe him or hang on every word. Remember Chris’ teachings. It is not what people say that matters. Rather it is measuring their behavior over time that informs you more.

If he pushes back at you in a negative way, it is probably either because he’s still angry over the reasons he broke up with you or he’s getting revenge from being ignored. Chalk one up for immaturity. It is one of the leading causes of bad reactions from an ex.

What You Should You Do If Your Ex Pushes Back After You Reach Out

If your ex boyfriend pushes back in a ugly way or even just in a neutral way, just meet his resistance with kindness and brevity! Apologize, but do so only one time and keep it heartfelt and brief. Sometimes, less is more!

You Can Say (or text):

Text 1

This kind of response allows your ex boyfriend to think about his actions. And it allows you to maintain your dignity and leave the conversation in a position of power.

And if he replies in an ugly matter, don’t reply. You already said your piece. There will always be more options to reach out to your ex in the future if you choose to explore them.

Moonstruck Girl 2: He Moves on Because He thinks You Have Moved On

moved on

This whole notion of people moving on is short sighted. There are a lot of things under the surface that tugs at us to keep us connected with our Ex after a break up. We have talked about it a bit already. You remember… the chemistry of our brain and all of the precious memories that are shared between you and your ex.

Utilizing No Contact seldom leads to your guy moving on faster. He may think a lot of things, including that you have possibly moved on. But it won’t be hard for him to figure out the truth on that score. A quick look at your Facebook page or a reach out to one of your friends, will relieve him of any concerns about you moving on.

So while he may feel relieved that you are potentially still available, don’t be surprised if you end up annoying him because of your chose to observe the No Contact Rule. He is probably going to be secretly hoping you will make an effort to get him back. When you don’t he may feel pushed away.

But such is the post break up environment. Emotions can get messy and feelings can get confused. What often happens is that once he learns you are not out there chasing other guys, his little hopes will grow to be larger hopes and that is what you want to happen.

What You Should Do to Keep the Spark Alive

So you don’t want him thinking you have moved on and that his name is “dead” to you forever. So what can you do to keep that relationship spark alive?

You should do what you fear! Implement the No Contact Rule and drop little hints in social media or with your friends that you are happy and engaged with life. Say nice and lovely things to your friends about him. Make positive references about him in social media like, “my ex is a really great guy and it’s a shame we were not able to work thru things”.

I call this “psyche play”. You are like planting little seeds that hopefully get rooted in your ex boyfriend’s mind. Over time, it plays over and over again. You control the message.

Meanwhile, while you are in No Contact Period, be active in improving yourself and having your own life. Show him you have moved on (but you think of him fondly), but also show him that you’re not going to chase him anymore because you have a full life.

What Should You Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On?

If your guy still avoids you after no contact, that may mean your ex has moved on emotionally. It is not the end of the world. Indeed, sometimes that is the best thing for both of you. He makes a clean break from you and you make a clean break from him.

While that may sound horrible to you, particularly now with the break up still fresh in your mind, a clean break sometimes cleanses the soul. Sometimes your ex boyfriend won’t be able to see the error of his way or learn to forgive you of your mistakes unless there is a clean break.

Never say never, particularly when it comes to relationships. Just because a couple breaks up and don’t get back together after a month or two months or even a year; does not mean they never will.

Now, I do want to be realistic. As significantly more time goes by after a break up, the odds of the couple rekindling their passion is reduced. But look, I am a “glass is half full” kind of girl!

So don’t throw away all your hopes. If after all this time you still think your ex boyfriend is the “one” for you, then you can revisit. Try to look at things rationally and critically.

Explore whether you used the right approach on delivering the initial text or if your actions during no contact period was in the direction of becoming the unforgettable girl. But whatever you decide, don’t put your life on hold hoping he will come back into your life. Maybe the two of you will be joined together again. Maybe not. That is life! We cannot always see down the road.

Moonstruck Girl 3: Wouldn’t I Just Be Turning Him Free Such That He Never Commits?

commitment

In one sense, you are not freeing him up. But in another, you are. Let me explain.

The No Contact Rule facilitates the process of you letting him go. So just turn him free. In doing so, you free yourself up. But don’t forget, by implementing the No Contact Rule, you are showing some personal power. Your are not just giving him what “he thinks he wants” (his freedom), but in actuality you are taking a freedom away from him.

You are now probably thinking,

“What are you talking about Amor? How on earth does letting him go, take away one of his freedoms”?

Well, I am so glad you asked! What your ex boyfriend is losing is you. That’s right, he is losing his freedom to see you…talk to you….touch you….and text you. In the past, he was quite comfortable and accustomed with being in contact with you whenever it pleased him. But now you have set him free, but in the process you have freed yourself up.

By entering into the No Contact Period, you have essentially taken away one of his freedoms to reach out to you. If he does, you won’t be reciprocating. And over time, that will work on his psyche. And as a result, he will want you more. This little tug to regain his freedom will likely start first in his unconscious mind, but soon it will work its way to his conscious thinking.

You see, there is this principle called psychological reactance. When a person perceives that they are losing a freedom….something they are use to having….they will behave in a way to get it back. That which they are told they can’t have, will hold even more attraction to them.

What You Should Do If Your Ex is Non Committal About the Relationship?

If you have made efforts to reconcile, but he is undecided, the No Contact Rule will help to make him see your worth and have second thoughts about totally leaving you.

If he is really undecided, it can help make him see that you’re mature enough to handle the break up and then if you implemented the No Contact Rule immediately, it could help with making him miss you and just maybe he will rethink his decision. Especially if he sees how much fun you’re having and that you are making improvements in your life.

When you finally complete your No Contact Period and reach out to initiate contact as Chris has taught you, you can expect any number of outcomes. One outcome could be a noncommittal statement from your guy like:

“We’re just friends right? You’re doing good right? I just don’t want you to think I’m leading you on. Let’s just hang out”

If he says that, then, don’t panic. The world has not ended and by the time you have completed the No Contact Period, you should have a completely different perspective on things. Remember, Chris wants you to work on becoming the Ungettable Girl!

So let’s take stock of what it might mean if your ex responds this way. The truth is he probably trying to figure things out. This new you could be something he needs to take stock of.

He remembers how things were before. Maybe the break up had more to do with his failings. Maybe you needed to work some things out. In most cases, there is plenty of blame to pass around. Whatever the case, your ex boyfriend will be hesitant to go back to the way things were when you were both together in the past. So take things slow. Don’t be in a rush. Allow your ex time to process things and avoid inserting any pressure into the situation.

What You Should Do Going Forward!

Well, just like I laid out, agree with him girl!

He probably won’t expect that.

Make his case for him.

In a weird sort of way, that helps build attraction. Remember, guys often want that which they don’t have. Think of this process as a restart of a possible new future, not a continuation of your previous relationship.

The goal is just to start as friends and then slowly build the rapport and attraction through texts, and then calls, and then the dates until the feelings accumulate in him and he sees that you’re now a different girl and he is a different guy in some respects.

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Moonstruck Girl 4: You Fear That He Will Think You Moved on To Another Guy

evil on me

Now, I am not advocating you or anyone else try to convince your ex boyfriend that you found another guy. But if your ex is the real jealous or insecure type and you suspect or hear that he thinks you are with another guy, then let that notion of his simmer for awhile. In time you can do something to help correct that false perception.

But don’t be too quick to ease his worries.

There are all kinds of reasons why a guy can think like this. If you initiated the breakup, his insecurities may get the best of him.

What You Can Do To Set the Record Straight

To change the way he thinks about a lot of things, your guy will need to come to terms with why you broke up with him, if that is the way it went down. Don’t allow him to put the blame on you. You’re doing the no contact because you need time to heal and he needs time to think about his actions that contributed to the breakup.

If you hear from the grapevine that he is still clinging to this notion that you are with another guy, don’t break the no contact period. Post your availability status on Facebook. Find a friend that can do a little subtle “setting the record straight” dialogue with your ex.

What if He Confronts You About This Imaginary Guy?

If he did reach out to you to ask about this mystery guy he thinks you are seeing, then yes, you should set the record straight, particularly if you are fairly far along in the no contact period.

If you get a positive response back from him, then it may just provide an opening for you to get him back (if that is what you want). That’s the purpose of no contact right?

But there is a caveat to my advice! In this situation where you are contemplating breaking the No Contact Rule, you should be far along in the process. Don’t be in a hurry to rush back into the fire if there has not been sufficient time for you both to heal. Chris talks about situations in which you can make exceptions in great detail in his ebook, “The No Contact Rulebook“.

Check it out!

Moonstruck Girl 5: What if You Are Afraid Your Ex Boyfriend Will Move On To Another Girl?

scared

In my experience, such concerns are often never realized.

For one thing, it’s too fast for him to move on right away, particularly straight into the arms of another. Why? Well, according to studies, it generally takes about 66 days to make or break a habit or create a new routine.

Don’t forget, you were (and may still be in his mind) a very important part of his life. So based on that, 21, 30, or even 45 days of No Contact is usually too soon a period for him to move on. Now, he might try to make you think that he has, but it is no easy thing for him to simply tuck away all of the emotional connections he has built with you.

What You Can Do To To Lessen the Chance of This Happening?

Be very active during no contact.

Improve the health, wealth and relationships aspects of your life. That way you can become more interesting to him. Plant those attraction seeds that Chris talks about in all his books. It will help in making him value you more and miss you.

So What If Your Ex Does Move On?

“What if he’s so busy that he won’t need me anymore. What if he finds the perfect girl for him?,” you worry.
I received that question from one of the commenters and it got me thinking.

“Yeah, what if the ex chooses to do that after one week of no contact and then just ignored you all throughout the remaining days of your no contact?”

So, that means he moved on from you right?

In a way, yes he did. But my experience in these matters has taught me that often these other relationships an ex will get involved in are short term. Guys often suffer from the “grass is greener” syndrome. I know it hurts if you see or hear that he is with another girl. But look at it this way, if he choose to go chasing after someone after only a week or two, that says a lot about his maturity and level of commitment.

What You Should Do If Such a Thing Happens?

Avoid reacting to what you think he is doing. Stay true to the No Contact Period. One can argue that in such a situation, this would mean your ex moved on from your previous relationship. but that doesn’t mean he has forgotten about you.

He just chose this course of action. Time will tell how he really feels about things. And time will tell how you feel about the bigger picture as well. Remember, you are working to become the best version of yourself.

You Fear He Will Become Angry and Then Avoid You

rage

You can’t control how your ex feels. So, when he gets angry during no contact, what do you do?

Ask yourself first. Why? Why is he angry?

Let’s breakdown some of the most common reasons why your ex can become angry during the No Contact Period.

A) Did he get angry because you didn’t implement the no contact rule the right way?

Let’s get some perspective! Let’s walk down the path many women often take.

You’re having a hard time with your break up. You did everything you could think of like texting, calling begging, pleading, crying, possibly writing a letter, showing up at his home, and/or showing up at his workplace.

You finally stopped because he got angry with you.

You rested for a week and then thought maybe I could just ask him to be friends. Now, you’re friends (sort of) and you’re being nice to him, hoping that can make him realize your worth.

He asks favors and of course you do them wholeheartedly. But then after a while, you realize it’s not working from your end. You feel friend zoned.

In one respect, things are not awful, but they are not the way they were before. Since you are not so great at discussing your feelings with your ex, you figure perhaps there is another way to go about things.

You decide to search for help through Mr. Google and voila! You found us!

You read up on things and decide you will try the No Contact Rule. You figure, “what do I have to lose.”

So, you just stopped replying to him all of a sudden.

In the backdrop of all of the experiences you had with him and all the memories you made with him, a new reality is setting in. He is being ignored.

Very good. You’re doing the No Contact Rule.

But then he gets angry.

And because you’re in the No Contact Period, you ignore him right?

No!

Why? Because you’re are going about things in the wrong way. The no contact rule was not started in the right way.

You should start it immediately after the break up, not when dialogue is open and the relationship is seeking to find itself.

You shouldn’t go into No Contact after you’ve established with him that everything is alright between the two of you.

Yes, it hurts to be friend zoned.

But girl, you have to at least make it clear to him.

You have to restart the count

Tell him, you thought you can be friends but you still couldn’t.

  • Don’t tell him you’re doing the no contact rule.
  • Don’t tell him you’re going to ignore him for a specific amount of days.
  • Don’t give him any ultimatums.

Just tell him you need time for yourself and when you’re ready, you’ll reach out. He will get the message. Perhaps he might not like a lot. But deep inside he will understand.

That way, he won’t be surprised if he does not hear from you. You won’t leave him wondering what you’ve been up to.

Now, what if he still gets angry?

Do you continue to explain why you’re ignoring him?

No.

You’ve already explained. You’ve been clear. He has to respect your decision.

He may be angry somewhat because he has grown accustomed to the friends with benefits situation. He may be angry because he’s was not expecting this reaction. He may have been hoping that you would stick with what you have been doing.

Let him cool off.

He will eventually realize that you are serious with what you said and that will help make him miss you and facilitate the re-opening of a more serious conversation about the relationship. You see, most friends with benefits situations evolve out of immaturity or a person’s lack of desire to commit. Such relationships are usually doomed to fail.

What if he’s still angry after a long time….let’s say after two weeks? Read on girl!

B) So, what if you started the No Contact rule in the right way?

Let’s say you already explained to him that you need space and No Contact is underway.

Or

You just initiated the no contact rule immediately after the break up.

And then after a week or two, he gets angry because you keep ignoring his texts of asking how are you…. what you are up to…. what did you eat…. I miss you…. etc.

As always, remember our mantra: Let him be.

Why?

Because you’ve broken up. That is the reality. This is not Junior High where you broke up for a day or two, then made up. If events led to the two of your breaking off a serious relationship, then no amount of rushing around to put it back together again will fix the problem.

So you might ask, Amor, what if he says,

Text 2

You might think, “Do I respond because if I don’t I am being rude, right?

In such a situation, you’re not being rude because (once again) you’ve broken up. You’ve ended a romantic relationship and it hurts. It’s not normal to be friends right after the break up. It is not normal for either party to the relationship to pretend that everything is fine.

Now, it is possible that your ex will think that the reason you’re ignoring him is because you’re hurting.

I am assuming he has some empathy.

He’ll think to himself why you’re doing this….ignoring him. The possibility that you are in great pain may very well cross his mind.

And so the most sensible conclusion he might be able to come up with is that you’re just not ready to open up yet.

And that’s true.

So, let him work through his own internalizing and stay in no contact. Anger has a way of fusing out after some time. Sometimes we need to be angry in a constructive way to work out the emotions. So stay true to your path. Don’t confuse him.

C) He’s angry because he thinks you’re happy without him.

So I get all kinds of comments like this!

“Amor, shouldn’t we have fun during the no contact rule? You know, go out with friends and family? How would he think I’m sad, if I’m out having fun? What if he gets angry because I’m having fun?”

So, your ex doesn’t want you to be happy after he breaks your heart?

“No, no, no! I mean he’s pissed because I look like I just don’t care after all!”

Are you supposed to care the same way after the break up?

No, you are not. Things have changed since the breakup. Your feelings for your ex is probably in flux, right?

So…..hello?

Earth to you girl!

When you’re having fun and ignoring him right after the breakup, that’s called moving on. Or perhaps a better description is moving forward. And I am talking about you. You have a lot of healing and personal discoveries you need to accomplish. And having fun and fulfilling experiences is part of that.

Don’t allow yourself to be “guilted” into thinking you should feel miserable.

So, if he gets angry because he notices you’re having fun, and then decides that he will move on too, what do you do?

First, relax. Don’t be so quick to conclude that he has erased you from his mind. If your ex starts to behave in this manner, it is likely he will eventually change this attitude because often it’s a spur of the moment reaction. He made it while he was angry.

He’ll probably even show you that he’s having fun too to throw you off. You know…tit for tat.

Remember the mantra! Let him be. Let him cycle through his anger and other feelings. Let him have his fun.

The more we try to hold onto things, the easier it is to lose our grip on them.

D) Your Ex Seems to be Angry Because of Your Jealousy “Play”!

Ok, yes we do suggest making jealousy moves, but we don’t want you to make it too obvious or forward.

Don’t start going on dates (early in the process) or sleep with a guy.

Don’t kiss a guy or participate in an intimate pose, then post it on social media because you want to make him jealous. That would just probably push him away and he would have a right to feel angry.

If you are making a “jealousy play” a group picture will do. When he sees you’re in that group with some guys and girls, he is unlikely to be angry, but it will make an impression and that’s ok. You are planting a little jealousy seed.

If he gets somewhat angry or annoyed because of that, take it as a good sign because that means he still cares.

“What if he accuses me of cheating because of that?”

If he levels such an accusation, my reaction would be, “really”?

If he flips out because of a group picture or something similar, then he needs to learn to chill out. Don’t respond or try to explain. You would just be feeding into his hysteria.

Remember, you’re not doing anything bad. That’s just his way to get you to text him. And you should read this article too: How to get your ex boyfriend if he thinks you cheated but you didn’t

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E) He’s just angry

So let’s dive back into the No Contact world.

Assume that you are out there trying to become that ungettable girl. Let’s say you haven’t texted or responded to anything and you’re just ignoring him and now he’s super angry because of it.

Let’s assume you started the no contact period immediately after the break up too. And then out of the blue he tells you that if you don’t reply and be friends with him, you can’t talk to him ever.

Should you respond or just let him be?

I vote for letting him be.

Why?

Because that’s just his way of trying to get his way over things. He is trying to control you. Strong relationships are not built on control. If you get an ultimatum like this, it shows you two things. First, it shows that some of the “personal power” has shifted to you. That is good for your girl! But it also shows your ex acting immaturely and acting out of a place of anger. And seldom can you reason with an angry person.

He needs to chill. No one should control you. Nor should you have complete control over another person.
If you reply, he may end up playing a game of not responding to you to get the upper hand.

He’s going to forget you: Out of sight, out of mind

You might ask, “Can’t I just continue to talk to him and just not talk to him about the relationship, so that I can remind him of the good times and not risk losing him?”

Why it probably won’t happen

Welcome to the 21st century where everything and everyone is online!

It’s hard to stay out of sight now if you are active in social media and if you read Chris’ posts and books, you will find a wealth of information about how to keep him thinking about you.

And surprisingly, the sooner you start the No Contact period, the better the prospects that he will start thinking about you quite a lot. In fact, with some guys, thoughts of you may become a little obsessive. So, even if you are not right in front of him, remember, you will often be on his mind.
So what can you do to help him keep you top of mind and back of mind.

Well, I am not so sure about him always keeping you top of mind. But there are lots of things you can do to keep him thinking about you in the back of mind. And that is where you will plant your seeds of attraction.

So that means you have to be active in social media.

What happens if you’re not a big social media user?

Well, that means you should start using it.

You don’t have to go big right away.

You can slowly ease into it.

  • Have an instagram account and make that your online photo album.
  • Have a snapchat account and play with the filters.
  • Have a Twitter account and follow inspiring people.
  • Have a Pinterest account so, you can explore and learn about projects or topics you love.
  • Connect the social media accounts that you can connect to Facebook, and then voila! you’re active.

Keep it all natural.

All of these social media actions can help you in many ways. It will help your personal development. It will help keep your mind off of sad times. It will help inspire you. And if your ex boyfriend is active in any of these social media platforms…guess what? You will find a clever way to make sure he is following you.

He will notice you and the seeds of attraction can be planted every day.

But the most important part is that you go out.

Meet friends.

Join classes and meet new people.

And then make new friends with your new classmates or work buddies and go out!

You can go out alone and do soul searching. You can go biking, hiking, walks in the park. Take a kayak out. Go to a bookstore and hang out. Stay involved and engaged in life, with people.

Just have a new environment.

You know, he might seem like he doesn’t care. And he will probably show that he doesn’t care. But you will see to it that he will learn through the “grapevine” about many of your activities. Slowly you are building value in his eyes. He will see he no longer has this exciting and interesting person in his life. More little thoughts will grow in the back of his mind.

According to a study by a Western Ontario graduate, Ms. Veronika Lukacs, 90% of exes check their exes’ profile after the breakup.

So, he will most likely check your profile.

That’s your way of being present in his life.

So let’s say that after all of your efforts, nothing happens. What does it mean and what should you do?

So let’s start off by asking “what” it is that didn’t happen.

Let’s assume he didn’t message you during no contact.

Ok…..no reason to panic. If you are still in your no contact period, then continue with it. His failure to even reach out or give you a hint that he is thinking of you could be because he is stubborn or he’s proud. Or on the positive side, he’s just busy or he wants you to take your time. Maybe he respects the process you are going through. Maybe is is simply afraid to reach out.

Not hearing from your ex boyfriend during No Contact can be for a lot of reasons. What is important is you keep the focus on becoming the best version of “you”. Your life does not revolve around whether your ex contacts you or not.

If the No Contact Period is over and he has not messaged you, what should you do?

Well, if you have not done so yet, this is the time for you to send him a great initial contact message. It is perfectly fine to make the “first move”. Believe me, women have been doing this for centuries! Chris covers this in great detail in his e-books and articles.

But let’s be clear, it’s very unlikely that your ex has totally forgotten you. That would be ridiculous, right. Don’t forget…when we are in relationships, a lot of close ties are achieved. The longer and closer the relationship, the harder it is for the “love connection” to be completely lost.

What should you do if your ex does not respond to your first contact message?

Hmm.. let’s say you did everything right, ok?

You stayed strong during the whole 21, 30, or 45 days of No Contact. You improved yourself but he didn’t answer your first contact text.
First of all, be careful about jumping to conclusions.

Wait a few days or longer before trying again. But this time, try a different contact message. Chris gives you lots of examples in his books and guides.
If your ex boyfriend didn’t reply after the second attempt or you want to prepare for that possible outcome, then read this article: What to do when the no contact rule doesn’t work

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

He’s going to find another woman…

new girlfriend

I have found this to be a frequent concern with many women and the very thought of it can dig right into your soul. Often it never happens. Sometimes it happens, but the relationship with the other woman is casual (without sex). And there are times where your ex boyfriend has a “friends with benefits” type of relationship with another.

I know! Just the thought of another woman can drive you crazy. Well, let’s again turn to our Moonstruck Girl for some wisdom. Let’s walk through some of her concerns and deconstruct them!

Moonstruck Girl 1

“What if he finds another woman right after the breakup?”

Moonstruck Girl 2

“What if he’s has known this new girl for a long time. We are talking about an old “flame”. Or let’s say he showed signs that he liked her even before he broke up with you?”

Moonstruck Girl 3

“What if you come to believe that he is really serious about this other girl and has just moved on to her?”

Moonstruck Girl 1: What If He Finds A New Girl Right After The Breakup

Yes, there is a possibility that your ex could find a new girl, but she will most likely be a rebound. So, it’s not likely that he will somehow just quickly stumble upon the person that he can lead a happily ever after life with.

Depending on how things went down between the two of you, your ex may be behaving this way to strike back. He could be trying to fill a vacuum in his life.

I’m going to assume you did the no contact right after the break up and you are doing 21 day period.

Let events play out.

You cannot control his actions. But you can control your attitude and the decisions you make about your life.

What can you do for this not to happen

As I mentioned earlier, you can’t control him. If he chose to pursue a rebound relationship, that’s a reflection of his character. His choice to take this direction is rarely because you implemented the no contact rule. If it was, then it tells you what you really need to know about the guy.

The lesson you can take from all of this is to not to pursue or get trapped in a rebound relationship too. Because if he saw or heard about you kissing or hooking up with another guy, that might cause him to be vengeful and do the same thing too. And then things just start spiraling out of control.

Also, don’t attack any potential woman you see or hear that he is flirting with. It makes you appear as the bad guy and then he might go right into the protective mode for her, making him her “Knight in Shining Armor”.

So, instead of this other woman slowly disappearing from his life, you could end up strengthening their relationship.

What Tactics Can You Implement If He is Seeing Another Girl?

Maintain the activities you started during no contact and then when you start texting, approach it like he has moved on to her. So, that means don’t be too forward in making a move so that he won’t go into a protective mode with the rebound girl.

Keep the conversations short but fun. Keep yourself productive and keep being beautiful and being active in social media. That way he will keep comparing you to the new girl and miss you more. The grass is greener syndrome can run deep in the minds of a lot of ex boyfriends. Sometimes they need to learn this lesson on their on.

I just want to reinforce that it is important to do everything slowly. Don’t be in a rush to win him back, if you want him back. Continue your efforts of finding your own fulfilling moments. You have control over the attitude you embrace each and every day. Make them all count. Don’t fall victim to the notion that you can control the actions of your ex or even his rebound girl.

Moonstruck Girl 2: What If He Has Known This “Other Girl” For A Long Times Or Even Dated Her Before

This scenario is similar to the first situation in that he may be falling prey to the Grass is greener syndrome. I use the word falling prey, because the “old flame” phrase originated because something went wrong….things flamed out.

Sometimes a guy can forget the bad feelings he had with his old flame. An ex can rush right back into the fire. So sometimes, whether or not you are in the no contact rule, your guy may look for a way to be with her. Often what happens is the guy figures out why he broke up with his “old flame” in the first place.

That is how I see it. An “old flame” can actually help your ex boyfriend realize the value you have.

Is there anything you can do to stop it from happening?

“Wouldn’t the no contact period make it easier for him to be with her?”

Honestly, it could but, you have more leverage if you use the no contact rule once he pursues her.

The alternative is to do everything you can think of to please him or convince him you’re the right one. But I see this backfire a lot. Chances are, he will more probably be annoyed with you and see you as a hindrance to his new found love story.

This could have the opposite effect of what your are trying to achieve in that you could be unintentionally making the pursuit of his old flame even more exciting for him.

Ok, well maybe that’s a bit dramatic but I think you get the point right!

If it happens: Why it happened?

Check out this article: The Grass is Greener Syndrome for Ex boyfriends to understand more about the Grass is greener case.

What you should do after it happens?

Just as we have taught you, continue growing and improving. It’s just as simple as that.

Well, OK….nothing is that simple!

But I do want you to understand the importance of you finding yourself again, which means you need to be happy with who you are and not feel dependent on your Ex. If you strive to be your best self, I like your chances in the long run compared to the competition.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Moonstruck Girl 3: What If He Gets Serious With This New Girl

If you’ve just broken up, it’s less likely that he would just move on that quickly. That’s not realistic. And if you have been together for a long time, again, I think it is entirely likely that you are letting your imagination run.

What you should do and not do!

Don’t chase, don’t beg, don’t threaten him, and don’t forget about your needs. Start no contact as soon as you can. If you have already talked and made everything clear and he still didn’t change his decision, that’s fine. It’s time to start the no contact rule.

What you should do if it really happens?

We can never be sure how relationships will jell. Getting the chemistry “right” between two people is no easy task. There are no fortune tellers that can ensure you and your ex are meant to be together for the long haul.

That’s life. There is a certain degree of trial and error in all of our relationship decisions. Only real life experience with another person can inform us whether we will be fulfilled and happy with them.

Yes, it can be heart breaking when someone you thought you could trust and who you loved chooses another.

But think of this way instead. Consider yourself fortunate. When you focus on becoming the “best” you that you can be, many paths will open up for you and someday you will likely look back and think, “I am so glad things worked out the way they did”.

		

Written by EBR Teamate

EBR Team Member: Amor

395 thoughts on “Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Sara

    November 16, 2017 at 4:45 am

    Hello, I’m wondering about how to handle social media.
    My ex has been constantly looking at my Instagram Stories.
    Should I watch his or just leave him thinking I don’t want to know about his life?
    I thought uncertainty was better for him feeling pressure and thinking he doesn’t have me at all anymore, but this article confused me a bit.
    Should I give mixed signals saying that I do care while still not contact him? Is watching his stories a way of contact?
    Should I send other kind of mixed signals like things that remind me of us or him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:22 am

      HI Sara,

      let him watch your stories, but don’t watch his..just continue being active in posting and do more posts that just stays there unless you remove them.

  2. Hannah

    September 25, 2017 at 3:05 am

    Dear Amor, remember me? I have not spoken to my ex since aug 1st. He said he was moving on getting married with a new girl but I have reason to believe that he didn’t. They may still be together though. Soon after the presumed wedding date he asked me via text to be friends. I didn’t respond and kept nc. Recently I changed my profile picture where we used to chat. And as a reply he sent a smiley face…. I didn’t reply, and 2 days later he sent amother emoji of a dancing girl.

    Some may say his reach out may be a good opportunity to initiate a convo after nc, but hell… its only a smiley / emoji! Couldn’t he come up with something substantial?
    Why does he only send emojis.. or might he be afraid to say more as last time I didnt react to his request to be friends?

    I would love to be in touch again but am afraid for the FWB treatment… so should I reply or not?
    I was thinking, I can send back a smiley…
    Its just that ignoring him in my eyes is so rude and disrespectful. He’ll still have to say something first if he wants a conversation? It’s so unlike me not to answer and I’m afraid it’ll press too much on my mind as it already does…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2017 at 8:11 pm

      Hi Hannah,

      nope, that was not enough to reply and you’re not being rude.. You know why? Because he’s in a relationship. YOu would look like a pushover if you replied knowing that was his “supposed” wedding date. How much did you improve yourself in the past weeks?

    2. Hannah

      October 3, 2017 at 10:01 am

      Oh Amor, it’s even worse, it’s not a relationship. .. he did marry her. I found out this weekend. So it wasn’t entirely a lie. But he did something strange: remember he told me that he was getting married on Aug 12th, but instead in reality it was Aug 19th. As if he wanted me to do something…. but I stayed NC since aug 1st, as I didn’t have the idea he would listen to me if I would be saying that I wanted to marry him….

      There are some weird things….
      on Aug 12th he texted me he was making a big step in his life and was moving to Europe, saying he would maybe closer to me… so confusing?!?! Why would he do that?

      On Sept 8th he posted on facebook a quote saying that you just got to accept that there’s some shit in life you can’t change.. not really something that I would post if I just got happily married?!

      And then indeed on Sept 20th he tried to contact me by sending some smileys straight after I changed my skype profile pic…

      Is there still hope?

      I did improve myself by exercising, doing things with friends, work hard, shift my focus, post positive UG pics, but I can’t get him out of my head!

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 3, 2017 at 9:59 pm

      If he’s already married, then you should move on..If I were you and if later on he asks for you back, then he has to get divorced first, fix everything including himself, before I even talk to him again…

    4. Hannah

      October 4, 2017 at 9:12 am

      But do you think there is still a chance that he will ask me back, or will contact me at all?

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2017 at 7:30 am

      If he does ignore him… He’s married, you should be setting a standard if he tries to contact you.. That would mean you’re ok to be his mistress if you keep talking to him..

    6. Hannah

      October 7, 2017 at 9:46 am

      But do you propose indefinite NC then? I mean, I want to open the dialogue because he rushed into this marriage with rocket speed… but by keeping quiet there will be never a dialogue at all… ?

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 8, 2017 at 10:57 pm

      Nope, not indefinite nc but to move on.. He’s a grown man..Whether he rushed it or not, you’re not his mom to talk to him about getting married to hastily.. If he married in a rush, that sole reason should be more than enough not to get involved with him.. He made a life changing decision without even thinking about it..

    8. Hannah

      October 9, 2017 at 9:04 am

      … and he gave me hope till the last moment… a week before the wedding he said he would move to europe and it would bring him closer to me. Why, why would he do that? In all 8 months between breaking up with me, meeting her, and marrying her, he gave me hope. He could have just been a friend or ignored me. Why? He hurtled me so much by doing that.

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2017 at 2:36 pm

      I dont know.. But it doesn’t matter now.. A proper man wouldn’t do that..

  3. Gwen

    September 9, 2017 at 8:24 pm

    Hi Amor,

    Well… My story is that he broke up with me then I discovered EBR followed the recommendations and I got him back but then he broke up again because I was very jealous and I tried NC again and we started having some phone sex and by cam too because we are LD. I know I should have avoided that but… I didn’t. Eventually, he came to see me again a month ago and we had sex I stopped following the recommendations here because I was lost I didn’t really know what I wanted and I was confused, but it was a mistake, just in that visit, he told me he just wanted to be my friend. So we stopped having sex conversations and we were being really good friends because actually we have never been aloof in that way, we’ve always been good friends since I met him and the other times he broke up we still were friends. The thing is that I was trying because I really love him and I’d really like having a relationship with him but as we are LD and I can’t move there for the moment because I’m still studying and nor can he come here because of his job and situation I see it very difficult. That’s actually the reason he told me to be just friends when he came here to visit me last month. I haven’t done anything this month because I was confused I didn’t know if letting go and just be friends or trying NC again and all the plan… However I haven’t stopped feeling the same for him and it makes me very sad that we can’t be together. Although I try to be logical I’m still so in love with him. The thing is that I got angry because I needed to talk with him about something and he saw my message and answered two days later so I didn’t answer him again… I’ve thought maybe I could try NC and I was talking with a friend who told me she thinks he plays with me because he told me maybe we could be together in the future but not now, as leaving an open door just in case he doesn’t find anything else he can go back with me. Actually the way he acted I thought the same as my friend. Maybe this is like the grass is greener and all of that… I don’t really know. Well I didn’t answer and some days later he has texted again asking me if I’m ok and sending some sad emoji faces telling me to answer as if he feels bad and all of that, also he has sent me a pic of a TV show we both like as trying to be nice… he told me the character of the show would persecute me if I don’t answer but I mean like joking, he was even cute with me the way he talked, but still I haven’t answered. My question is if I should try NC again when it was 4 or 5 months ago the last NC I did. If I do it should I tell him I need space or do I just leave him with no answer? Do I do 30 days or maybe 2 weeks is enough? And also I have doubts about NC because we’ve been talking this past month after he came and we weren’t in a relationship, we just thought about having one and had cybersex then in person when he came, but just that.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2017 at 12:00 pm

      Hi Gwen,

      How much is the possibility of making a long distance relationship with him work?

    2. Gwen

      September 14, 2017 at 1:30 pm

      Well it’s difficult, I would have to wait a year to be able to move there… Do you think it’s better if I try to move on? Or could I try once more?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 15, 2017 at 4:38 pm

      If you know he would be willing yo make it work for a year when you get him back, try it first

    4. Gwen

      September 23, 2017 at 7:04 pm

      Ok thank you Amor, but do you think this NC of 21 days is enough? I’m going to finish NC this week, he contacted me again saying he doesn’t know what happens to me why don’t I talk and that he’s worried about me. I didn’t answer, it’s been a week since he texted that, but I still was in NC but well he wasn’t angry at me, I’ve been active and I think it’s going to be enough but I want to be sure.

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2017 at 7:52 pm

      it’s not really “enough”, because after nc, you still have to continue improving yourself and being active in posting. The difference is that you’ve already initiated talking.

    6. Gwen

      September 25, 2017 at 6:16 am

      Oh yes yes, I meant that I wasn’t sure if it’s ok 21 days of not talking to him but I know I will have to keep on improving myself

  4. Amanda

    August 23, 2017 at 10:13 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend, to whom I was almost engaged to, and I just broke up last week. It was really ugly. This wasn’t our first break up, but a lot of them were stupid things and his fear of being in a relationship, he has a lot of baggage with that, he has been screwed over pretty bad. I was very understanding because when were together, it was amazing, and always kept him coming back. And I have been really patient because he has a lot on his plate (we both still live with our parents and his parents were on the brink of divorcing and then now his dad is dying of cancer probably within a year). So the last time we broke up, I came back to him to tell him I had a miscarriage. I know that I did. I lied to to him and told him I already went to the doctor though because in that moment he didn’t take it very well and I was scared and was trying not to make it his problem. Anyways, fast forward about a month. We were going to celebrate our one year anniversary. Around that time he told his brother and his parents found out. And now they are all convinced I am lying about it. And it was just my desperate ploy to get him back. He demanded paperwork from a doctor. But he didn’t really give me a chance to do or any anything, text broke up with me. And now I am blocked on absolutely everything, my number, Snapchat, Facebook. I didn’t even get to respond to his message. I only waited a week since then to try to reach out to him. I got a text free number and messaged him telling him I wanted to explain everything. And if he still wants to hate me then fine. I am officially going into no contact, because I did try to reach out to him. And I know what I have to do for it. I just started a new job. And I’m going to get my own apartment soon. I wouldn’t end no contact until after that point. But how do I get him to respond to me or anything ? I know he’s angry and needs space. But what do I say to him when the time comes?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 24, 2017 at 11:04 pm

  5. Lindsay

    August 18, 2017 at 4:28 pm

    Hi,

    My ex bf broke up 3 weeks ago. I initiated the no contact the next day after the break up. Currently it has been 18 days. I thought we were perfect for each other. We never even have gotten into an argument. I thought everything was fine and then 2 weeks before we broke up he started being distant. He told me he was stressed with work (he was currently working 6 12 hour night shifts) which I’m sure took a tole on him. He was mentally and physically exhausted. When he broke up with me he told me these things and said he wasn’t emotionally there at the moment and that all he wanted to do was go to work come home and play with he dog. His exact words were “I’m just in a funk.” When he told me this I was crying but I also said I just wanted him to feel ok again that’s all I cares about. So the last time I spoke to him there was no arguements or anything. He took his relationship status off of Facebook where it is hidden from everyone. Well when I checked his facebook today he put it back to say single. I immediately felt like I couldn’t breathe and there was a tightness in my chest. Does this mean he is over it? I’m trying so hard to follow the rules with no contact and am currently doing good so far. I haven’t messaged him or called or texted or anything. Should I post anything on Facebook sense we are still friends or what? Please help! Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 18, 2017 at 5:52 pm

      Yup, you should be active in posting in social media..

    2. Lindsay

      August 19, 2017 at 1:21 am

      what about the relationship status update to single from just hiding it on his time line? or am I reading too far into this?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2017 at 8:58 pm

      Yup, you’re overthinking it.. That’s better if he just hid it rather than changing it to an in relationship with somebody else right?

  6. FDM

    August 11, 2017 at 5:43 pm

    Hello Amor.

    Me and my gf broke up last Friday (and on wednesday two days before she texted me she wants to break up). The only problem is that it is our second break up. We were together for almost 5 years. I love her and I want her back I can’t help myself. I have been applying no contact till yesterday. She had birthday on Tuesday so I wished her through the text. Just simple positive short message, nothing else, just “i wish you happy birthday”. Problem is I gave her flowers on Friday in break up talk because I was scared that I will never seen her again. But to the point. She didn’t like my negativity about life, and that I could not go through the mistake I have made our first year (I was sad and I slept with someone else – I still feel ashamed over years and have a strong guilt even know), she gave me another chance, she was trying to overcome it, to be positive, but I was still having guilt, I was telling her what girl is nice who approached me etc, because I wanted to be honest, but it hurt her (now I feel so stupidly).First we broke up after 3 years, because I didn’t have job, was in US for 3 months and she wanted to be happy (also I was still not over the past). But we get together after almost month. She didn’t changed her status on facebook that time. After and during this break up, I didn’t contact with her only sometimes she wrote me about job, and I was working on myself – job, sports, motorbike, cooking. I was posting pictures on facebook. Than I was moving ahead happily. It seemed happy. We were on vacation etc, I bought a car just move on. Then some family problems happened and I was stressed with who I was living, and the problem is I began to be lazy again, to be self pity, nervous, sometimes exploding (not only to her but for example in a car traffic because of other drivers – maybe you know it). And she started to be more with her positive friends and in work. She said that she is now not breaking up with me because she just want to be alone. Other thing is that, she alwas wanted me to live together or travel but I was so dumm that I was postponing everything, I didn’t do anything, and also talk about past (in hidden signs), At the moment she changed her status on facebook, she replied me on tuesday just thank you with smile to my birthday wish. I think we broke up in positive way, her parents liked me and her friends too. Now I don’t have anything of it. What should I do? It has been 5 days since break up and not contacting her, except birthday wish (i know it was not clever but I didn’t want to look immature). I post picture on FB with my dad on motorbike to look more positive. But I am scared she now knows that maybe it is my strategy. Should I stay in no contact? Should I post on facebook as I do that my live is shifting forward? (sports, dating, new job -> new living?) Now

    I know I want to marry her and be together, I am so sad that I was not working more on myself, because she broke up with me and said that I need to date and to be in relationship with some other girl to ged rid of my past insecurity and guilt. I love her, still having passion and hope to fix it. I will be very glad If your reply and answer my questions.

    thank you with love

    FDM

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 12, 2017 at 12:16 pm

      It would be better to heal and improve by yourself instead getting into another relationship.. COntinue nc, improving yourself and posting in social media.

  7. Kate

    July 31, 2017 at 4:02 am

    Broke up over a month ago. Long story short as possible : we were friends for a couple years but always had a bit of back and forth of feelings but bad timing. Finally got together and things were really good but we started to fight frequently, about petty things. Both of our first real, long term relationship and that added to the tiny fights but they always ended up solving and it was a team effort. Had mutual strong feelings for each other throughout.
    He ended it saying he can’t do it anymore the fights were too much and he couldn’t see us working, and friends got involved and it was dramatic (we’re both first year uni), but continued to see each other a lot afterwards. During this period I acted a bit desperate and told him he was lying to himself about not wanting to get back. He got a bit defensive. Things were weird but we got over it and resumed talking. We were both leaving town for holiday for a few weeks and before we left, I read him a message I meant to send him telling him why we can/should make it work. This was a mistake because it was still too soon and needless to say it didn’t go well he just said he felt confused. Regardless, we maintained inconsistent contact whilst he was away. At first he did all the initiation, even said “i love you, but in a kind hearted way” and I was closed off. Then when I began to reciprocate he went weird. The cycle repeated.
    Upon both of our return we hung out and things were super normal, we didn’t talk about our feelings until I brought it up towards the end and regrettably said “Yeah I just want us to be friends without it being weird or one of us assuming we have feelings” because I still do have feelings. I’ve known him for a while and I frankly feel he has feelings but does not want to go through our relationship again.
    Anyway the situation right now is that we planned to hang out this week but I ignored his last message, an attempt to start no contact. I don’t know if this is the right call because Chris’s guide on the friendzone recommends no contact but you said one shouldn’t do that without warning.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2017 at 4:40 pm

      Hi kate,

      Ir depends on every situation on when and how you’re going to start nc, but the bottomline is to do nc.for you,just start nc..

    2. Kate

      August 1, 2017 at 12:41 am

      Do I need to warn him or can I just go ahead and do it?
      Also – what do you think of the situation in general? Likely to work or not? He still hasn’t made any effort to communicate

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 1, 2017 at 4:55 pm

      Nope..just start it..

  8. laura

    July 23, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    I really need advice. This is about getting my ex boyfriend back.
    My story
    Okay I will really try and summarise this.
    So I met this guy right after he started dating a girl for about 2 months. When we met the chemistry was good. So we started dating. And yes he was still with the other girl too. 
    But later on , we decided to just be friends till he is able to decide on one girl. 
    But cmon we still had the attraction and all just that we called ourselves “friends”.

    But now he has decided to stay with the girl. And the reasons are that when he met the girl he introduced her to his family so they all know her as his girlfriend and also the girls family know him. He is 30 btw . And again the girl hasn’t wronged him in anyway and he feels he needs at least a valid reason to end things with her. I mean what exactly is he going to tell her family members when they ask why he left her? 

    But aside all this I want him back. I know he loves me. Our relationship was good and very different. And I really really need help getting him back. Please help.

    1. laura

      July 23, 2017 at 7:44 pm

      And I already started the NC. Today is day 3 and he has called me twice today.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 5:25 pm

  9. Rachel

    July 18, 2017 at 3:45 pm

    I accidentally hurt my ex his feelings during a fight and he broke up, needing space. I gave him that space and after 3 days he got together with his ex/best friend. The past two weeks he has been ignoring me until he suddenly replied to my messages and said he can’t be friends now, only in the future. After I said I needed it he gave in and added me back. We spoke a few times but he is ignoring most of what I say. He’s the kind of type to avoid conflict/drama/bad things so I’m afraid he’s just running away from me easily. What I understood here is that I should apply the no-contact period but I have no way of showing him that I’m improving because he doesnt have facebook or other social media accounts. Also to clarify we are Long distance, and so is his rebound. The only place I can show my face is in games we both play because of mutual friends, idk if this is enough especially since we are ldr. Are my chances still higher when no-contact even if I can’t show I have improved? I really dont know what to do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 10:10 pm

      It’s ok even if he doesn’t have an account as long as he can still your posts if he does check your account because he’ll probably get curious and will check it.

  10. Rupa

    June 16, 2017 at 2:55 pm

    Hi Amor!!
    I broke up with my bf of almost 4 years in April last week bcoz of his disappearing and reappearing habit.
    He contacted me after a week or so . I did respond to him but only in a very limited way through monosyllables .
    After that he has stopped all contact with me again , abruptly and even I have not tried to contact him again .
    We did have deep feelings for each other .
    I am confused , hurt and also can’t figure out anything . What could be the outcome now ?? It’s already 40 days now .

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2017 at 6:43 pm

      Hi Rupa,

      how much did you improve and hoe active in posting in the last 40days?

    2. Drea

      July 12, 2017 at 6:46 pm

      Hello Amor, so my now ex bf and I had a GREAT relationship, I even got along great with his mother, everything, but he has too much going on and decided to break it off, typical right. But of course I respected his decision, now I’ve started the NC and before running into thismy family keeps telling me do not contact him and he might come back and if he doesn’t it’s okay. Which I understand, but why have something great be completely left out? Now he said ” if we are meant to be I will find my way back to you, right now I am at 10 days lmao I know I could do it and I could keep going cause girl i am DEDICATED to getting him back but obviously giving him space. Like I mentioned, I got along with his Mother and she say she I can go over whenever and just because we are not together, him and I, does Not mean me and her will stop contacting, (her words). Now, since I am implying the NC rule does this apply to his mother too? Or can I just meet up with her but not care to ask about her son? (Which I care, but I’m dedicated), ALso, when I finish the no contact rule, itll be a few days before the first year of his father not being with them today.. what should I do when they NC Is up and he has that coming out around? Should i wait after the date or contact him that day?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2017 at 1:56 pm

      Try the nc process first.. Improve yourself, be active in posting and then slowly build rapport after..if it doesn’t work, then move on..

  11. Priya

    June 4, 2017 at 8:45 am

    Hi Amor,
    My boyfriend broke up with me around two months ago. I pleaded , begged and apologized for everything till today. He blocked me on social media and then unblocked and again blocked and recently texted saying again that these fights are too much , our relationship is not in a good state, we have difference of opinions and we deserve better than each other.

    I do’t believe , we had misunderstandings and I realize and regret for my behavior, for hurting him but I am working to make myself confident. I love him a lot and I can never love anyone else. I just want another chance and these things will never happen. I truly love and care for him.

    We are in long distance for over a year. Our relationship was two years old and it was very serious.

    I have gone through your website, please help and guide me how to take this forward because I want him back .Do I still have chances of getting him back. Please help me in getting him back.

    Thanks,
    Priya

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 5, 2017 at 8:51 pm

      Hi Priya,

      check this one:

  12. Sonia

    May 27, 2017 at 1:33 pm

    I did the no contact rule, and got a positive respond even tho it was a few days after my first mesg to him. However since then I had to delievered bad to him (something medical & personal) and he ignored me assuming he either angry and didn’t like what I had to say. But I had to tell him. So my question is do I leave the situation alone, move on or try again. Shall I do the no contact again ? I’m confused what I should do. Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 29, 2017 at 3:41 pm

      what was the bad news?

  13. Melody

    May 21, 2017 at 4:22 pm

    I hv been with my boyfriend for 5 years and both of us are 27 now.
    We hv talked about the plan of getting married and i would say our relationship is quite stable.
    Two weeks before we argued on a minor stuff and we hv not contacted each other for 5 days.
    Eventually I found him and he told me that we were not compatible and he has fallen in love with another girl within a week.
    After 3 days of begging – i text him, phone him, i decided to start nc.
    Today is the 7th day of nc (10 days after our official breakup).
    He has actually asked for a dinner out on the 1st day of nc but i ignored him.
    Seems he is quite happy with his new girl now and he has unfriend me on facebook, and deleted all my pictures on instagam. And i totally have no idea where did this girl come from.
    If i keep adopting nc for30 or 45 days(??), any chance for me to get back him?
    I really really love him and he said he will take care of me after breakup.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 23, 2017 at 6:18 pm

      if he only started talking to the other girl after the break up, that’s more likely a rebound.. it’s not a gurantee that nc will work but it will increase your chances..do at least 30 days

  14. Melody

    May 21, 2017 at 4:19 pm

    I hv been with my boyfriend for 5 years and both of us are 27 now.
    We hv talked about the plan of getting married and i would say our relationship is quite stable.
    Two weeks before we argued on a minor stuff and we hv not contacted each other for 5 days.
    Eventually I found him and he told me that we were not compatible and he has fallen in love with another girl within a week.
    After 3 days of begging – i text him, phone him, i decided to start nc.
    Today is the 7th day of nc (10 days after our official breakup).
    He has actually asked for a dinner out on the 1st day of nc but i ignored him.
    Seems he is quite happy with his new girl now and he has unfriend me on facebook, and deleted all my pictures on instagam. And i totally have no idea where did this girl come from.
    If i keep adopting nc for 30 or 45 days(??), any chance for me to get back him?
    I really really love him and he said he will take care of me after breakup.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 23, 2017 at 6:18 pm

      if he only started talking to the other girl after the break up, that’s more likely a rebound.. it’s not a gurantee that nc will work but it will increase your chances..do at least 30 days

  15. Angel

    May 15, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    Hi Amor,

    I am currently doing a NC with my ex. it has been 2 weeks already. I find it so fun improving myself and building other friendships. Meanwhile, I chose not to go frequently with the close group of friends me and my ex belongs. We often see each other during breaks at work, but yes, I chose not to go always with them. (Actually, not going with them causes so much drama and issue but I chose not to think about them and instead build other friendships outside the group.) I talk with him sometimes because it is inevitable, and I tried to keep it civil but really sometimes I keep overdoing it. Meanwhile, I am currently dating a guy who’s fun to be with and I am expressing myself with this guy, but I still think about my ex. After 2 weeks of not going with our group, I showed up to the group and saw them. I do not feel awkward at all, but I try to avoid my ex as much as possible and keeping it civil. For the next couple of days, it will be hard not seeing them around because of group gatherings. But hell, my ex seems to have clearly moved on and he seems like the type who moves on easily, especially with the one month-relationship that we had (which is really not a relationship to start with because we barely talk! He’s a silent type of guy and that time I WAS the silent type of girl at the time and our humour is very different! I always thought so much how to start a conversation!). Now I dont know how to deal with the upcoming events, I know I can hold up and be patient at the moment, but clearly how should I deal with it?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 16, 2017 at 6:48 pm

      just be civil…always look your best.. be polite and direct in answering questions from him…be indifferent.. the more conscious you are around him, the more awkward you will act

  16. Lyza

    April 30, 2017 at 2:50 am

    Hi amor!
    My ex just ended our 13 yr rel because of another woman. We have been separated for 3 months already. I changed my number last month since it is not fair for me that he can have his cake and eat it too (yeah i was friendzoned). However i gave him my email bec we have to communicate about bills and stuff. He started emailing me two weeks ago and it was just limited contact. During that period he would call me by my pet name which i found odd and a little disrespectful. I asked him why he needed to call me that and he said that i would always he his sweetheart blah blah. I mean he just cant sweep things under the rug after everything he put me through. For 4 days he would just email that one word pet name. He was giving me breadcrumbs. He cant just email me that while at the same time still seeing the OW. I felt that he was testing the waters with me. If i would take the bait thats the time he will leave her. Thats just selfish. I finally replied that it was his choice to leave and that i am not an option bec i deserve better. I didnt hear from him until a week later when he emailed me about the bills. It was civil and a little defensive. I guess his ego was hurt. I just replied with a curt one liner. Did i do the right thing?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 30, 2017 at 2:02 pm

      Yes, you did.. That’s good that you chose self respect

  17. Marina

    April 25, 2017 at 10:55 am

    Hi,

    I am probably not the first one to be in this kind of situation, but we spent almost two years dating/being in a on-off relationship. Last month, he did it again: we were reaching a level at which we were perfectly comfortable with each other, about to go on two trips together, doing everything together but also leaving each other space, since we put a lot of understanding and effort to make the relationship work back in September 2016; out of nowhere, he freaked out about a simple fact like “kissing each other too much” but accused me of being the one to kiss him, which was ridiculous given the fact that he has always been the one with initiative.

    It offended me so much, I had a crazy reaction and we started fighting over many different nonsense things for 3 weeks onwards. We passed from “we need some time”, to “everything will be fine between us”, to “we’ve never been more than friends”, to “yeah, well I never liked you” in a few days time. Point is, the more I pushed the more he pushed me away and that’s a fact.

    Surprisingly, when I decided to agree and have some time off without seeing each other, he called me 15 times in a day (did not pick up) and we ended up having a hysterical argument at 2am because he was very furious and apparently had some stuff to say to me but I was drunk. We did not say absolutely anything with susbstance to each other, just blamed one the other, shouted and screamed. He blocked me on Whatsapp ever since and said never to contact him back again (being him the one to have contacted me).

    We do work together, same office, desk one next to the other and I started the NC rule the next day after the fight. We have not exchanged a single word. We recently had this situation in which we had to discuss something about work and I asked a simple answer question *yes or no* if he would like me to handle the case myself and he did not reply.

    First days he was very cheered up, tried to seem like nothing happened. As soon as I felt a little bit better with myself and took the NC time to realize stuff about me and started looking okay in the office, he has been weirdly: seems okay, then the next minute he seems sad, then the next hour he is angry… Yesterday he dropped a pile of documents on me by mistake and did not apologize, and then he got very aggresive at the end of the shift while me and my best friend were talking and laughing around.

    To be honest, I do love him and I do obviously want him back. I just cannot decide whether this is working out and he regrets what happened or I am just a massive pain to be around and he hates me even more each day that passes by. He has shut himself out completely and does not see any of our best friends in the city, so there is no way to know what he is up to either.

    I don’t know what’s going on…
    Advice would be appreciated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 29, 2017 at 9:29 pm

      you should move on.. if he really wants to commit, he has to prove it and do most of the work.

    2. Marina

      April 30, 2017 at 12:11 am

      Well, just when I decided to move on….

      He came to me the other day with the mission to remind me he has some stuff of mine back at his. When I thought it was just a normal short conversation about that exactly, he said he is very unhappy with our current situation… So, I decided I am not ready to talk about it (and specially he doesn’t look ready to do so either) and just said a mutual friend of ours (male) will pick my stuff thru next week for me.

      Took him exactly 1 minute to get very angry and start asking me “oh, so is this it?” repeatedly and yelling he thought I cared about him and similar stuff… Usually in this kind of situation, he does know how to push my buttons and make me engage in the argument but I managed not to for the first time ever…

      And this happened exactly at 2 weeks time of NC so I’d love to know what’s going on thru his mind…

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 30, 2017 at 12:41 pm

      maybe that’s just his ego because he didn’t expect you to say that you’re not ready to talk about your situation..

  18. Gianne B. Joseph

    April 11, 2017 at 7:59 am

    Hello Amor,Me and my boyfriend broke up in December 2016.His reason,is that he want me to find someone better to make me smile/happy.Because we had an arguments that began in September 2016(I’m not gonna give the whole story,its quite long,but I can give you the full details/story if you wanted to 🙂 )But I know that he broke up with me because he’s been hurt (because of me) just like I did.And yeah since we broke up,I did those begging and pleading saying that I’m gonna change which is wrong.Putting efforts to my messages to him like LSM.And mostly he’s been hot and cold towards me.There are times he’s showing his care to me,sometimes he’s pushing me away..And yeah,it continue,everyday.And then in 1st of January 2017,he even ask me that would I liked to go to his house to have some lunch with his family and of course I say yes.Then he treated me just like before and he says that we will still count our “monthsary”.So in short,he’s very hot and cold towards me and we still talk to each other but not the same as before.April 05,2017(that was the date for our 1st anniversary although we broke up of what I mentioned earlier)yet he still even make a LSM to me,saying that he will come back for me and he even cheered for me during my recognition day.I’m having a hard time whether should I make effort to him by contacting him(even though he’s hot and cold to me and he even say I love you to me and even calling me by my callsign)or do the No contact rule 🙁 I’m just afraid that what If I start the NC then he began contacting me saying I miss you then sooner no message anymore.Or what if he thinks that I’m moving on(which is actually not)then because he thought I did,he also began to move on.Then If I finished the NC in 30 days,then I began to have contact to him,what if he says that he have already moved on,or he says that I must stop because he had no more feelings about me?These are the questions that making my mind confused.And when I read this article today,it makes me hope(Thank you by the way).Here’s the thing Amor,of course after our breakup,I began to begged,cried many times,being depressed,continues to make contact to him,putting efforts,thinking that it will help me to get him back.And yes,he just ‘seen’ my messages,pushing me away…(Hot and cold)There are times too that he’s treating me like before when I was his gf.I know that his been cold towards me because of our past breakup as I mentioned earlier.It always continues until now 🙁 hot and cold thing.I wanted to start the NC today but I guess I’m late to started it because today where kinda okay about (75% if I’m gonna rate it)we talk kinda sweet(by callsign,saying I love yous)If only I started the NC after our breakup…What should I do?I don’t know when is the right time to started it :((( again….It’s so deppressing and I’m having a hard time…and its so confusing…How I’m gonna supposed to start the NC rule?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 12, 2017 at 11:22 am

    2. Gianne B. Joseph

      April 20, 2017 at 2:14 am

      Can I still have the chances to do the NC? We broke up in December 🙁 yet we still talk uptil now but he gives me the hot and cold treatment.He always give me the cold whenever he remembers the sad memories like his broken family,our breakup,our fight,or whenever I’m feeling blue.If I use the NC,is it effective on him?I’m having the hard time,Amor. 🙁

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 25, 2017 at 3:27 pm

      You’re already friendzoned..the only thing that can really help increase your chances is nc..and the only one that can help is yourself.. It would be better if he thinks you don’t want him..because that means you’re not chasing anymore

  19. Marion

    April 6, 2017 at 5:35 am

    Hi Amor,
    My ex broke up with me 2 1/2 months ago. Unfortunately during this time I have been doing everything wrong! I have cried, written long emails, tried numerous times to get him to give us another chance… We have remained friendly, and text every couple days or so. Right after the breakup, he seemed to really miss me and seemed somewhat conflicted when I discussed rectifying things. However, now after 2 months have gone by, he seems much more solid and resolute about the breakup, and seems to have adapted to not having me in his life.

    Armed with the knowledge from this website, I realize it’s now time to change course and go about things the right way!
    In this article you mention that if you have been acting as friends after the breakup, that you should indicate you want some time to yourself before starting NC, rather than just vanish. He helped me with my apartment move a few days ago, and we had discussed meeting up for a friendly drink in the coming days . I want to start NC and was hoping to get your advice on what to say when he reaches out in the next few days about coordinating to get together?

    I realize if I had started NC right after the breakup I wouldn’t have had to explain anything, but now to simply ignore him (especially as he helped me last week), doesn’t seem right. Since I had a crying emotional last encounter with him (after he helped me move), I’d prefer to regain some self respect and not say something like “I realize I can’t be your friend right now”… Any advice for what I can say that will convey I want space and impart a good impression on him for these next 30 days…? thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 7, 2017 at 7:08 pm

      tell him thank you for helping the other day but I realized it’s not the best time to be friends again.. I hope you understand. Have a great week!

  20. Sue

    April 5, 2017 at 5:09 pm

    Me and my boyfriend of 6 months broke up three days ago because he said he was not ready for a serious relationship. We talked about what I needed from the relationship regarding being a priority in his life and that if he could not make me a priority then I need to move on with my life (this was so difficult to do by the way). This was Saturday. He said he wasn’t sure what he wanted and needed to think about it. So Sunday night I had not heard from him. I didn’t want to rush him but for my own well being needed to know what he was thinking. I called him twice with no answer (he was supposed to be free during the times I called but I don’t know since I didn’t talk to him). So I text him and asked what he was thinking. He finally text back that it’s not fair for me to know he’s not ready for a serious relationship and that we are both young (I’m 37 and he’s 41 – we are both divorced) and that he did not think I should not have a hard time finding someone who would make me a priority. Obviously, I was heartbroken. I replied to his text with – thanks for letting me know. I have not contacted him at all since then and he has not contacted me. I have no intention of contacting him until I feel better or ever. At this point I do want him back, and I am hoping he contacts me during the no contact period. My question is what am I supposed to do if he does not contact me?

    About us briefly – we got along really well and had fun together. We really seemed to enjoy each other’s company. I also got along great with his kids. His life was very busy with his kids (has joint custody) and he worked a lot in addition to his full-time job. I do not have kids and do not work outside my regular full-time job so it was understandably harder for him to spend quality time with just me; I spent a lot of time with him and his kids. When he didn’t have them he was almost always working. I supported his desire to work extra, however, I found out he had lied or omitted telling me a few times that he actually was not working/had not worked and he went out with his friends. I did not mind if he hung out with his friends, yet he felt he needed to lie/omit it from me on more than one occasion. There were other instances where he did not respect my time and was only available when it was convienent for him. This was our only issue (but is a big issue in my opinion). He would also sometimes push me away, which he would attribute to getting freaked out about him having feelings for me (I have a feeling this may also have been a less than honest excuse). It was definately a I give more, way more than him kind of relationship. I really treated him good, which perhaps is partially why I’m so hurt.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 7, 2017 at 1:32 pm

      It’s ok if he doesn’t contact you during nc. You can initiate after nc.. What’s more important is that you improve yourself and that you’re active in posting

  21. Kate

    April 5, 2017 at 8:51 am

    Honestly, the only one person you can truely depend on is yourself, if you dont give up whatever other people say to you, it wont help you. you should really dont give it hope to him about you two peolple be together agian. what I have learnt isi dont give it hope, the more you give the more you will get upset and you cant recovered. I spent three tough months and I talked to friends, I left comments here……people kept telling me, it is the past you should move on, but I didnt listen to them, i thought we can still be together. but since I told him I d really give up on us, then I did really do I tried to meet old friends, new guys and talk to new people, and just three weeks I had changed a lot (the attitude toward us) and now I can relax, I am not going to push him anymopre, but still I will feel a bit hurt when I see his new pics….

  22. Aj

    April 5, 2017 at 1:52 am

    My ex and I recently broke up because of his major anxiety and depression. We agreed to stay in contact if he ever felt sad and needed someone to talk to. I tried NC, but keep receiving messages throughout the night. Should I still implement NC when I agreed to still be there for him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 5, 2017 at 5:29 pm

      Hi Aj,

      you’ll become his emotional crutch if you do.. He has to get professional help.

  23. Fibi

    April 2, 2017 at 7:25 pm

    Hi Amor,

    My boyfriend of 1.5 yrs just broke up with me a week ago he said he wants to be alone and that he can’t do this anymore and missed single life. We were very close and happy throughout our relationship never fought or anything. For the past few months I may have put too much pressure for him to better himself in terms of his career and mentioned a bit more about getting married and saving for a house. I was completely blind sighted and never saw this coming. I called him a few hours after the breakup and acknowledged my possible wrongdoings and apologized for it, asked him to work the relationship out but he insisted that he wants to be alone. It’s been 7 days I know i must need to respect his alone time I will give it to 30 days however we’ve made plans on trips and all the financial issues I have to sort out with him should I wait till after the NC period is over? My other question is wouldn’t posting on social media just impose a negative impression of me. Should i just be out of sight and out of mind and completely not post on social media? Our break up was very peaceful as i was completely shocked but I’m trying to respect his space. He treats me like a princess and I really want to make this right. Please let me know how I should approach this. Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2017 at 4:54 pm

      Hi Fibi,

      why would posting impose a negative impression of you? and doing nc means being active in improving and healing yourself..

  24. Jane

    April 2, 2017 at 3:36 am

    Hi,

    So I’ve recently just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years and it was a pretty bad one. First he said he never wants to see me again, but towards the end of the night he said he’s not sure how he feels about us anymore, just give it some time and see what happens. He was still really angry.

    Anyway, it’s been a few days now and there’s been no contact between us. Our anniversary (or what was supposed to be our anniversary anyway) would be coming up soon – on the 21st of April. Do you think it would be wise to contact him on that day or should I wait longer?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2017 at 12:53 pm

      HI Jane,
      Nope, that’s a very good day to establish that you’re not chasing by sticking to no contact rule and focusing in improving yourself instead during and after nc..

  25. Rose

    March 31, 2017 at 2:56 am

    I am ok with no contact. I tried to keep in text/email contact after we broke up (we were FWBs and he started seeing another girl. He told me about it before it became intimate, supposedly) as I was the one who ended things. He seemed angry when I did and that really confused me (if he knew I insisted on exclusivity, and he pursued another woman even though he knew that, didn’t he kind of decide that he didn’t want me enough to stick to the ‘rules?). Anyway I’ve had quite a bit of confusing behaviour from him like ignoring emails for a couple of days and then texting me at 2 in the morning and linking me to a romantic song, then telling me it was dedicated to his new woman! Another time after that he emailed saying he needed advice about a problem and trusted me, and could we chat sometime. I replied yes, and followed up with a text that day and an email a couple of days later when I got no response. It’s been two weeks and he still hasn’t replied. I’d take that as the virtual ‘eff you’ I think it was intended to be except for the fact we live within ten minutes of each other and he walks past my flat to/from his work every day. Surely a guy who is trying to cut you out of his life wouldn’t do that? There are alternative routes that are very slightly longer but he could easily take to avoid my street. My flat is along a narrow alleyway. If we are both there at the same time there would be no way to avoid each other. I’ve been avoiding going out at times I know he is likely to be about because I am doing NC after he ignored my offer of help after he asked for it via emaila couple of weeks back. We have still seen each other a couple of times though. I went to a coffee shop last weekend and he was there with friends. I didn’t realise until he spoke to get my attention. He said hi, and I responded politely, finished my coffee and left within minutes. What do I do in this scenario? Is this still considered NC if I am being polite but distant? Should I be using these opportunities to be an UG? Should I REALLY be hiding in my house trying to avoid him when he isn’t trying to avoid me (or at worst, doesn’t care if he bumps into me or not)? Am I right to do NC considering I was the one who said I couldn’t continue to see him if he was dating someone else, but he went ahead and dated her anyway? I feel he ‘dumped’ me, in effect. I sent him a long, straight talking email after the drunken 2am text session that ended in an argument and told him that I know he likes me, I saw through his behaviour, but my feelings about exclusivity hadn’t changed. I said I would consider a relationship in the future if we stayed friendly and were both single. I told him we could have a frank chat if he wanted but if he wasn;t up for that, no hard feelings, and that I was moving on, with or without him.2 days later I got the email asking for help, and I told you what happened after that. I am soooo confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 31, 2017 at 9:18 pm

      Hi Rose,

      when did you ask for exclusivity, during being friends with benefits or after he started seeing another woman? Because, being fwb, contradicts with wanting exclusivity.. If you’re not officially together, but you’re sleeping with each other, the guy will most likely not stick to you because he’s not committed to you

    2. Rose

      March 31, 2017 at 10:25 pm

      Hi – it was established it was casual but exclusive from the start. Just to clarify, I gave you some background with regards to the story just to put it into context. All I was really asking was is it still NC if you keep bumping in to the guy locally and if I do bump into him, what do I do to maintain NC? Thanks

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 2, 2017 at 2:51 pm

      yes but,dont intiate conversations.. if he does reply politely short and direct..and you have to improve yourself.. if you can avoide being in the places he’s going, do so..

    4. Rose

      April 2, 2017 at 9:06 pm

      Thanks for the clarification. The thing is, he walks past the only entrance to my home twice a day. It’s easy to avoid him in the mornings but I am actually hiding in my flat mid afternoons in case I bump into him. Isn’t that too much power to give someone who may never want to be friends or more with me again? Or should I assume (as I don’t really know) that he is passing in the hopes of bumping into me and avoid him for that reason? I mean, if he doesn’t get in touch, or I have to accept it’s over, then your site recommends an NC of over a year to get over him, lol. I can’t hide indoors for that long 🙂

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2017 at 11:01 am

      You don’t have to hide.. actually if you’re always out, either with friends or some other places then that’s better because you’re improving yourself and not seeing him

  26. Ste

    March 28, 2017 at 3:47 pm

    Hi EBR team,
    I’ve posted this, but unfortunately i cannot see it..

    I met my bf on early June 2015, start the relationship on Sept 2015 and he broke up with me on Feb 4th 2017.
    During the relationship, we did great time together, travelling together, support each other, and we have discussed about married this year.
    Lately, we fought often at least big fight once a month. Last fought, he is very angry and said that i am not grateful with all he had done for me and angrily he said done with me.
    After the break up, i am still begging and pleading, but he said he is leaving and we cannot together because he said i was too clingy and insecure. Few days later, he said that he promise will see me once i recover from my sick (i am hospitalized because of typhoid), but sadly he’s not.

    We still in contact (text and phone call) 2 weeks after the break up, then i ask a meeting with him to say goodbye then continue with our own lives, but no answer from him. From that time (its Feb 15th), we didnt contact anymore. He untag every pics of us on fb and instagram. We still friends on fb (but i unfollowed him so i wont see his update post), recently he unfollowed me on instagram (i think because i post many pics on it) but i keep follow him.

    Then i found similiar website with EBR and suggested to do NC but sent a clean state email first because of so much begging and pleading after breakup.
    I sent him last text message on March 6th, i said that i thank for the great times we have spent together, i learn a lot from our relationship and moving on, hope we still can be friends and hope all is going well with him. He just reply it with smile emoticon.

    After that, i apply NC and keep posting on sosial media to show that i am improving our life, having time with friends and family, keep cooking as my hobby, travelling to some places. I am improving our personality, i read many articles, i do workout, more focus on my work, grow up my spiritual.
    Now i am at day 22, and he’s not contact me directly at all.

    We are at same hiking whatsapp group (consist of 8 persons only, including me and him) which we spent great times hiking before at August 2016, and he ask to hiking again with our group (he text on March 12th).

    He is a stubborn guy, and his man’s pride is very high. But i know, he has a kind heart deep inside.

    Yesterday i saw his pics on my friends fb and instagram. He is travelling with his sister (my bestfriend) and his sister’s friends (my friends also).
    It makes me miss him so much.

    Should i apply 21 or 30 days NC? Can i text him now?
    I am affraid of 66 days break his habbit, and he’ll moving to other girl.
    Will he move on now and try to forget me?

    Honestly, there is ups and downs during NC. Sometimes i feel strong, but sometimes i miss him so much!
    I really want him back and doing great things together in the future 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 29, 2017 at 11:33 am

      Nope, don’t social media stalk him. Focus in improving yourself during and after nc and be active in posting. After nc, slowly build rapport. Check this one:
      Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

  27. Katelyn

    March 22, 2017 at 6:28 am

    We broke up in good terms. He said he doesn’t want to fix things because he is afraid we’ll hurt each other more so we should just save the friendship. I agreed but later realized that I couldn’t. I told him clearly that we should stop communicating because I can’t be friends with him. He agreed, so I started NC. Until after 5 days, he was asking me out for dinner. I didn’t show up because I don’t want to get hurt. But I don’t want to be rude so I replied telling him that we should not see each other since we already talked about it. He didn’t respond. I feel bad that I broke The NC. What should I do? Should I start counting from day 1 again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2017 at 1:51 pm

      Hi Katelyn,

      for me, you can just continue the count after that

    2. Katelyn

      March 25, 2017 at 3:54 pm

      It’s been a week after that and i haven’t heard anything from him anymore. Should I do 21 days or 30?

    3. Katelyn

      March 25, 2017 at 3:56 pm

      Anyway we live miles apart sort of ldr. When we were in a relationship, he used to come home once a month to spend time with me. So i never had the chance to see him and he doesn’t have accounts on social media like fb or instagram.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 26, 2017 at 2:04 pm

      do at least 30 days and continue to post so he has something to see when he gets curious

    5. Katelyn

      March 26, 2017 at 3:01 pm

      Okay thank you Amor! I will update you here after 30days.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 26, 2017 at 6:17 pm

      you’re welcome!

    7. Katelyn

      April 3, 2017 at 2:43 pm

      Hi Amor. It’s been 18 days since NC. I randomly received messages from him asking how I am, good night messages, but I stricly stick to NC. The problem is i don’t think I am becoming better. I am losing weight and growing eyebags. I want to travel but i don’t have time due to busy schedule at work. But i am not sad, it is just that I am a little bit of an introvert and I enjoyed staying home. Should i extend my period of NC to 45 or stick to 30 days? Is 45 days too much since we break up on good terms?

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2017 at 3:12 pm

      why not try to join a group with same interests? like books, journaling, calligraphy, scrapbooking, writing. etc. At least that way, when they meet up, there are probably introverts like you who will understand.

    9. Katelyn

      April 5, 2017 at 2:58 am

      Thanks! I will do that! Anyways last April fool’s day he left me an email saying he was hospitalized. But I didn’t replied because I know that was an April fool’s prank. Is it his way of testing if I still care about him?

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 5, 2017 at 5:35 pm

      yes, can be..

    11. Katelyn

      April 9, 2017 at 6:35 am

      Hi Amor! I don’t know if my comment posted on the other article because there is some error message occuring with the captcha. But i just finished NC with my ex bf. I just cut it short on 21 days since we were on a mutual break up and plus he keeps sending messages during nc, which I do not response to. So at the first time he heard from me he seems happy. The ratio of our text messages is 3:1 on our first encounter. He is asking me how i am, where i am after I send him a memory text. Then I cut off the conversation early just what Chris said. After doing that on the 1st day, he suddenly seemed cold on the next day. I tried to engage him into fun conversation on the next days but he just responds casually. I can’t build a rapport cause it feels like he is not interested with text and he is replying shortly. Now he is not texting me again first unlike on the first day when he seemed excited to talk to me but I finished our conversation. I am not texting him either now. What should i do? Can you guide me with this?

    12. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2017 at 7:05 pm

      it’s just the first week.. even if you had a good reply for two, there’s no rapport built in that time frame yet.. so, for now, just rest for 3-5 days from initiating and keep improving yourself.

    13. Katelyn

      April 10, 2017 at 11:00 pm

      Thank you Amor for actively responding on my questions! 🙂 I am sorry, I need more patience to build rapport. He is now texting me first even if I don’t initiate contact. Updating me on his life and I just replied casually and jolly on his messages. I will try to initiate a fun topic after 3 days. But it is okay to reply when he is the one who initiates contact right?

    14. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 11, 2017 at 10:05 pm

      you’re welcome! yes, it’s ok..just be the one to end at high point

    15. Katelyn

      April 15, 2017 at 5:45 am

      Hi. I am kinda sad Amor. It has been 2 weeks after i initiated contac5. He’s been updating me ever since, and i replied casually and happily. The last time he texted me he is going to a company outing, then after that he just disappeared. I follow him up about how the outing went and talked about one of the funny moments with his workmate, but he never replied. It has been 2 days since he updated me and I feel he is ignoring me on purpose since he is online. I don’t know what to do next. 🙁

    16. Katelyn

      April 15, 2017 at 12:14 pm

      I miss him so I sent him a message jokingly saying that he seemed a snobish. No reply. 🙁 i think my nc has come to nothing.

    17. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 16, 2017 at 11:38 am

      You need to work on your topics.. you have to initiate good topics and end the conversations at high point so that you can build rapport..

  28. Suitte

    March 22, 2017 at 5:40 am

    Hi Amor,
    My ex and I just broke up on Saturday last week after having an amazing relationship for 10 months. We have been through a lot and he never gave up on me. Even when I asked us to break up once or twice during our relationship, he told me to not give up on us and that he loved me. He was very committed to me and so was I. And I think the thing that I did wrong was that, I was angry at him on Saturday and threatened to break up (which I shouldn’t have done). I was expecting him to hold me back and talk through it like before, but he said he’s tired of it and he lost hope. He said he doesn’t feel the love anymore because I damaged it.
    I was begging him for a second chance which was a mistake as i looked pretty desperate which just pushed him further away.

    We were planning on having our last dinner to say goodbye tonight (4 days after break up). He was going to give me one last gift and i was going to give him a letter thanking him for the good memories and remind him about them.
    (Hoping that he would remember our good memories.)
    But he cancelled the dinner last minute because there was a big delivery at his work today and he owns the shop so he had to be there. He asked if we could meet tomorrow instead, but I’m going to australia for 5 days and I’m leaving tomorrow.

    I was planning on leaving him a good last impression of me on our last date and be the positive and funny girl he fell in love with so he could rethink his decision. After that I would start the no contact period. Hopefully it will make him miss me, however, now that things aren’t going according to plan I don’t know what to do.

    Should I text him and reschedule the dinner 5 days later when i get back from australia and then start no contact after the dinner or just start no contact from today?

    Because I’m worried that if I don’t contact him for 5 days and then have our date, he will get used to not having me contact him anymore. Does that mean the no contact rule won’t work anymore if we have our last date? Because i feel like it would mean we are slowly drifting apart instead of a sudden no contact.

    Also, if I start the no contact rule today, we won’t be able to end our relationship on good terms.

    Which option should i take?
    Reschedule our last dinner and have a good last impression and then NC or NC starting today and have no last dinner at all?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2017 at 1:49 pm

      Hi Suitte,

      how are you now?

  29. Naomi

    March 16, 2017 at 2:20 am

    what the web really suggest you to do is NC! but it doesnt suit all the situation and the people, NC also can ruin you if you want your own relastionship back again, what they will tell you is to improve yourself and nothing more, they wont suggest you any really useful methods!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2017 at 5:22 pm

      Yup, you’re right, nc is not a cure for all and yes, no matter what the situation or the cause of the break up is, you have to improve yourself..So,that whether you get him back or not, you still have your better self.. You will not be ruined if you improve yourself, it can only make you defeated if you only did it for him and not for you..therefore the change is not genuine because it’s not out of love for yourself..but just out of getting a guy back..

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