By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 11th, 2021

The fear of experiencing all sorts of nightmare outcomes after a breakup or during the No Contact Period plagues many of our reader’s minds.

It is painful to endure the suffering of a breakup. Your boyfriend, who was always the focus of your attention…the guy you looked forward to seeing, talking to, and texting with…now suddenly is no longer in your life.

That can be scary and tough to deal with!

It is nightmarish enough just to deal with this huge change… this hole in your life.

Then you happen upon Chris’ website and start learning about how you can go about getting your ex back. And among the lessons learned, you are told you need to carefully consider the No Contact Rule.

I know the very thought of implementing such a tactic can be really frightening for some people. It seems to run against the grain of what you have been doing in the past.

I should know, because I read and answer so many of the comments that you leave on the website. Oh, I almost forgot to introduce myself,


Hi! I am Amor and I am part of Chris’ Ex Boyfriend Recovery Team. I love what I do. It is my privilege to work with and help women and men throughout the world with their breakups.

So I guess if Chris is the Ex Recovery “Whisperer”, then that makes me the Ex Recovery “Listener”! I have listened to many readers stories. I know and understand your fears and insecurities. I feel like I live inside your broken hearts.

One of the biggest fears readers have is that their ex boyfriend may never give them another chance if they were to do the no contact rule. Heck, I know many of you are concerned that the No Contact Rule may not even work for you. I talk with women everyday who struggle to complete their No Contact Period.

Take these commenters as an example,

NC question 1

NC question 2

NC question 3

It is tough out there in the break up world!

But my job is to help you with easing the fears and anxieties. I hope I can help you gain some perspective. You should not have to constantly fret over your ex boyfriend recovery plan going sour.

So let’s start first with the language we are using when we talk about this stuff!. Let’s stop talking about nightmare scenarios. Let’s get more realistic and centered!

Sure, it is challenging in many ways when you start your No Contact Period. And we are not going to avoid discussing some of these problems. It is good to know what kind of thoughts might later be racing through your mind.

But we are not going to just focus on problems. Much of this post will also focus on solutions. I like shining some positive light into your life! So, instead of talking about nightmares, let’s use the language of a “Mantra”!

Do you know what that is?

Definition of Mantra: It’s a group of words in Sanskrit believed by practitioners to have psychological and spiritual powers.

Better yet, let’s refer to it as the Moonstruck Mantra.

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Sometimes we all get struck down by certain thoughts and notions that are simply not true or are exaggerated. These ideas that get lodged into our minds can have negative psychological and spiritual consequences on our attitudes and behaviors.

So do you, at times, suffer from a “Moonstruck Mantra” around this whole topic of getting your ex boyfriend back?

Does the very thought of entering into a No Contact Period with your ex boyfriend shake you at your very core?

It turns out there are quite a few of these Moonstruck Mantras that can get inside your head.

Let’s explore some of the notions we get that are linked to implementing the No Contact Rule.

You Will Lose Any Chance You Have With Your Ex If You Do The No Contact Rule

going to happen

This one is a pretty common concern.

But ask yourself, “didn’t you already lose him when he broke up with you?”

Now, I am not saying you can’t ever get him back. But really, what do you have to lose going forward. Think about what you have to gain.

Now, we sometimes have this little voice that speaks in our minds. It can too frequently remind us of all the negative possibilities. For example, you might be thinking:

“But wouldn’t doing no contact give him more freedom to stay away from me and forget me?”

The fact that he broke up with you, probably means he doesn’t want you to give him attention anymore. Or maybe, you broke up with him for all the right reasons. Perhaps he needs time and his so called “freedom” to sort things.

On one hand, he probably expects you to beg him or offer an alternative solution. But you will discover that as time passes, his attitude and thoughts around the “whole breakup situation” is likely to evolve. But you need to create some distance.

Our research shows he is more likely to miss you, than to just forget you forever. This is particularly true if the two of you were getting along for a good part of the relationship. Those memories don’t just disappear or waste away in a matter of weeks or months.

Why Not Learn So Much More By Reading “The No Contact Rule Book”

He likely was not thinking that you would move on so easily. He was probably expecting to hear from you. Maybe his ego was anticipating some begging or excuses….anything. But silence. No, that is not what he was expecting.

That’s why you need to do no contact. Leverage the remaining feelings he has for you by making him see you in a different light. If he’s tired of being with you, then doing no contact is your way of respecting his decision.

But it can also be your way of influencing the way he thinks about you. He may discover what he actually was experiencing before when he said he was “tired of you,” was just the normal up and down of relationship. Those who are immature or have little experience with relationships can sometimes act impulsively. Give him a chance to reflect on things.

So let’s dive a little deeper into this topic. What are some of the more common examples of how a Moonstruck Girl can get sideways with her emotions?

Let’s probe into what she is thinking.

Moonstruck Girl 1:

“I’m afraid to do the No Contact Rule. What if I lose him because of it? What if he decides to never talk to me because I’m implementing the no contact rule?”

Moonstruck Girl 2:

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“I’m already losing him because of everything that I’ve done, but I don’t get why ignoring him would help? Wouldn’t that let him get away faster or become angrier with me. Will he just give up on me because he feels I gave up on him?”

Moonstruck Girl 3:

“He already said he’s not ever coming back. So wouldn’t using the No Contact Rule just give him the idea that I’m fine with that and then he’s free . I am afraid that I will lose him, instead of trying to get with him to discuss the solutions on how we can improve our relationship?”

Moonstruck Girl 4

“He will think that I gave up and decided to move on to another guy.”

Moonstruck Girl 5

“What if he moves on to another girl during the No Contact Period?”

Yep, that is a lot to take in. Our minds can race away in all kinds of directions when we start thinking about our boyfriends. So let’s try to put things into perspective and give you insights into what is more likely to happen and why you should stay the course.

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Why Your Worst Fear of Being Lost to Him Forever Probably Won’t Ever Happen

More often than not, implementing the No contact Rule usually makes your guy want to talk to you more.

As Chris discussed in the How to make him miss you after a break up article, a study that was performed back in 2005 by Helen Fisher showed us that there are some fascinating things going on in the brain of both men and women when they experience a breakup.

When we want something really bad and feel hooked to it…much like a drug addict…we can find ourselves literally experiencing states of emotional and physical withdrawal symptoms. Such is our predicament when we are pulled away from our boyfriend.

Once there is separation, there is a certain part of the brain that just takes on this bad news and it cannot handle it very well. Your brain is looking for those feel good chemicals that it naturally releases when you are together in a loving and intimate relationship and when it cannot be found in the right quantities after the breakup, you end up paying dearly.

But so does your ex boyfriend. Remember, this is not a one way street irrespective of how he is acting or saying or behaving.

So when you choose to implement No Contact, you’re like putting him in an enhanced withdrawal state. Even if he’s the one who broke up with you, he will hurt because it doesn’t erase the fact that he’s still use to you being around. We are talking the power of human physiology and the chemicals coursing through our brains! I bet you never thought of your ex has a science experiment!

What You Should Do To Overcome Your Fears of Losing Him

The recipe is pretty simple, but I admit it can be hard to implement consistently. So what should you do?

First, stop thinking like that!

If you think in these terms and form images about the crazy scenarios you conjure up, then you are prone to think this way….again and again. And worst, this kind of thinking can cause you to act out on what you are thinking. If you persist with the negative focus, it can result in a self fulfilling prophecy. And that gets you nowhere fast!

Secondly, focus on being really, really productive during your no contact period. I mean get engaged in lots of things…different things. Consider including activities or things he loves (so long as you enjoy as well). This can help you in many ways. You can post some images of you participating and being involved in these activities on your Facebook account.

We want him to notice. It could lead later to something the two of you talk about.

Moonstruck Girl #1: But What If Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Want to Talk After No Contact?

don't contact me again

First, ask yourself….is it really because of the No Contact Period or is it that he needs more time. And by the way, before I expand on this topic, let me remind you that the success of No Contact is not solely predicated on him reaching out to your first.

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The method Chris teaches deals with you initiating contact. Also, just perhaps it is a good thing that he does not want to talk with you. Just maybe he is not the right guy for you or maybe he needs a lot more time to figure things out.

Ok….sorry! I digressed a bit. Let’s get back to some of the things that can complicate the No Contact Principle.

It could be due to the possibility that the break up was a really bad one. He may still be angry with you or terribly hurt. Maybe someone has his “ear” and is whispering a lot of negativity to him about you.

Perhaps during the No Contact Period, you did not do enough things to subtly re-build attraction. There are many ways you can do this which Chris discusses in his ebook, “The No Contact Rulebook”!

Those are probably the most common reasons why your ex-boyfriend is still not talking to you after the no contact period….which by the way usually ranges 21-30 days.

If he said he’s never going to talk to you before No Contact, that’s probably a manipulative move or he said it out of emotion because he can see you’re serious about wanting to have space. And that’s a good sign.

That means he doesn’t want to lose you. And the more that chemical cocktail in his brain starts churning with all the wrong hormones, that favors you. Yep, you will be hurting too. But it empowers you to know why and to know that he is missing you as much or more.

Now, if he says he “wants nothing to do with you” after the No Contact Period is over, don’t be in such a hurry to believe him or hang on every word. Remember Chris’ teachings. It is not what people say that matters. Rather it is measuring their behavior over time that informs you more.

If he pushes back at you in a negative way, it is probably either because he’s still angry over the reasons he broke up with you or he’s getting revenge from being ignored. Chalk one up for immaturity. It is one of the leading causes of bad reactions from an ex.

What You Should You Do If Your Ex Pushes Back After You Reach Out

If your ex boyfriend pushes back in a ugly way or even just in a neutral way, just meet his resistance with kindness and brevity! Apologize, but do so only one time and keep it heartfelt and brief. Sometimes, less is more!

You Can Say (or text):

Text 1

This kind of response allows your ex boyfriend to think about his actions. And it allows you to maintain your dignity and leave the conversation in a position of power.

And if he replies in an ugly matter, don’t reply. You already said your piece. There will always be more options to reach out to your ex in the future if you choose to explore them.

Moonstruck Girl 2: He Moves on Because He thinks You Have Moved On

moved on

This whole notion of people moving on is short sighted. There are a lot of things under the surface that tugs at us to keep us connected with our Ex after a break up. We have talked about it a bit already. You remember… the chemistry of our brain and all of the precious memories that are shared between you and your ex.

Utilizing No Contact seldom leads to your guy moving on faster. He may think a lot of things, including that you have possibly moved on. But it won’t be hard for him to figure out the truth on that score. A quick look at your Facebook page or a reach out to one of your friends, will relieve him of any concerns about you moving on.

So while he may feel relieved that you are potentially still available, don’t be surprised if you end up annoying him because of your chose to observe the No Contact Rule. He is probably going to be secretly hoping you will make an effort to get him back. When you don’t he may feel pushed away.

But such is the post break up environment. Emotions can get messy and feelings can get confused. What often happens is that once he learns you are not out there chasing other guys, his little hopes will grow to be larger hopes and that is what you want to happen.

What You Should Do to Keep the Spark Alive

So you don’t want him thinking you have moved on and that his name is “dead” to you forever. So what can you do to keep that relationship spark alive?

You should do what you fear! Implement the No Contact Rule and drop little hints in social media or with your friends that you are happy and engaged with life. Say nice and lovely things to your friends about him. Make positive references about him in social media like, “my ex is a really great guy and it’s a shame we were not able to work thru things”.

I call this “psyche play”. You are like planting little seeds that hopefully get rooted in your ex boyfriend’s mind. Over time, it plays over and over again. You control the message.

Meanwhile, while you are in No Contact Period, be active in improving yourself and having your own life. Show him you have moved on (but you think of him fondly), but also show him that you’re not going to chase him anymore because you have a full life.

What Should You Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On?

If your guy still avoids you after no contact, that may mean your ex has moved on emotionally. It is not the end of the world. Indeed, sometimes that is the best thing for both of you. He makes a clean break from you and you make a clean break from him.

While that may sound horrible to you, particularly now with the break up still fresh in your mind, a clean break sometimes cleanses the soul. Sometimes your ex boyfriend won’t be able to see the error of his way or learn to forgive you of your mistakes unless there is a clean break.

Never say never, particularly when it comes to relationships. Just because a couple breaks up and don’t get back together after a month or two months or even a year; does not mean they never will.

Now, I do want to be realistic. As significantly more time goes by after a break up, the odds of the couple rekindling their passion is reduced. But look, I am a “glass is half full” kind of girl!

So don’t throw away all your hopes. If after all this time you still think your ex boyfriend is the “one” for you, then you can revisit. Try to look at things rationally and critically.

Explore whether you used the right approach on delivering the initial text or if your actions during no contact period was in the direction of becoming the unforgettable girl. But whatever you decide, don’t put your life on hold hoping he will come back into your life. Maybe the two of you will be joined together again. Maybe not. That is life! We cannot always see down the road.

Moonstruck Girl 3: Wouldn’t I Just Be Turning Him Free Such That He Never Commits?


In one sense, you are not freeing him up. But in another, you are. Let me explain.

The No Contact Rule facilitates the process of you letting him go. So just turn him free. In doing so, you free yourself up. But don’t forget, by implementing the No Contact Rule, you are showing some personal power. Your are not just giving him what “he thinks he wants” (his freedom), but in actuality you are taking a freedom away from him.

You are now probably thinking,

“What are you talking about Amor? How on earth does letting him go, take away one of his freedoms”?

Well, I am so glad you asked! What your ex boyfriend is losing is you. That’s right, he is losing his freedom to see you…talk to you….touch you….and text you. In the past, he was quite comfortable and accustomed with being in contact with you whenever it pleased him. But now you have set him free, but in the process you have freed yourself up.

By entering into the No Contact Period, you have essentially taken away one of his freedoms to reach out to you. If he does, you won’t be reciprocating. And over time, that will work on his psyche. And as a result, he will want you more. This little tug to regain his freedom will likely start first in his unconscious mind, but soon it will work its way to his conscious thinking.

You see, there is this principle called psychological reactance. When a person perceives that they are losing a freedom….something they are use to having….they will behave in a way to get it back. That which they are told they can’t have, will hold even more attraction to them.

What You Should Do If Your Ex is Non Committal About the Relationship?

If you have made efforts to reconcile, but he is undecided, the No Contact Rule will help to make him see your worth and have second thoughts about totally leaving you.

If he is really undecided, it can help make him see that you’re mature enough to handle the break up and then if you implemented the No Contact Rule immediately, it could help with making him miss you and just maybe he will rethink his decision. Especially if he sees how much fun you’re having and that you are making improvements in your life.

When you finally complete your No Contact Period and reach out to initiate contact as Chris has taught you, you can expect any number of outcomes. One outcome could be a noncommittal statement from your guy like:

“We’re just friends right? You’re doing good right? I just don’t want you to think I’m leading you on. Let’s just hang out”

If he says that, then, don’t panic. The world has not ended and by the time you have completed the No Contact Period, you should have a completely different perspective on things. Remember, Chris wants you to work on becoming the Ungettable Girl!

So let’s take stock of what it might mean if your ex responds this way. The truth is he probably trying to figure things out. This new you could be something he needs to take stock of.

He remembers how things were before. Maybe the break up had more to do with his failings. Maybe you needed to work some things out. In most cases, there is plenty of blame to pass around. Whatever the case, your ex boyfriend will be hesitant to go back to the way things were when you were both together in the past. So take things slow. Don’t be in a rush. Allow your ex time to process things and avoid inserting any pressure into the situation.

What You Should Do Going Forward!

Well, just like I laid out, agree with him girl!

He probably won’t expect that.

Make his case for him.

In a weird sort of way, that helps build attraction. Remember, guys often want that which they don’t have. Think of this process as a restart of a possible new future, not a continuation of your previous relationship.

The goal is just to start as friends and then slowly build the rapport and attraction through texts, and then calls, and then the dates until the feelings accumulate in him and he sees that you’re now a different girl and he is a different guy in some respects.

Moonstruck Girl 4: You Fear That He Will Think You Moved on To Another Guy

evil on me

Now, I am not advocating you or anyone else try to convince your ex boyfriend that you found another guy. But if your ex is the real jealous or insecure type and you suspect or hear that he thinks you are with another guy, then let that notion of his simmer for awhile. In time you can do something to help correct that false perception.

But don’t be too quick to ease his worries.

There are all kinds of reasons why a guy can think like this. If you initiated the breakup, his insecurities may get the best of him.

What You Can Do To Set the Record Straight

To change the way he thinks about a lot of things, your guy will need to come to terms with why you broke up with him, if that is the way it went down. Don’t allow him to put the blame on you. You’re doing the no contact because you need time to heal and he needs time to think about his actions that contributed to the breakup.

If you hear from the grapevine that he is still clinging to this notion that you are with another guy, don’t break the no contact period. Post your availability status on Facebook. Find a friend that can do a little subtle “setting the record straight” dialogue with your ex.

What if He Confronts You About This Imaginary Guy?

If he did reach out to you to ask about this mystery guy he thinks you are seeing, then yes, you should set the record straight, particularly if you are fairly far along in the no contact period.

If you get a positive response back from him, then it may just provide an opening for you to get him back (if that is what you want). That’s the purpose of no contact right?

But there is a caveat to my advice! In this situation where you are contemplating breaking the No Contact Rule, you should be far along in the process. Don’t be in a hurry to rush back into the fire if there has not been sufficient time for you both to heal. Chris talks about situations in which you can make exceptions in great detail in his ebook, “The No Contact Rulebook“.

Check it out!

Moonstruck Girl 5: What if You Are Afraid Your Ex Boyfriend Will Move On To Another Girl?


In my experience, such concerns are often never realized.

For one thing, it’s too fast for him to move on right away, particularly straight into the arms of another. Why? Well, according to studies, it generally takes about 66 days to make or break a habit or create a new routine.

Don’t forget, you were (and may still be in his mind) a very important part of his life. So based on that, 21, 30, or even 45 days of No Contact is usually too soon a period for him to move on. Now, he might try to make you think that he has, but it is no easy thing for him to simply tuck away all of the emotional connections he has built with you.

What You Can Do To To Lessen the Chance of This Happening?

Be very active during no contact.

Improve the health, wealth and relationships aspects of your life. That way you can become more interesting to him. Plant those attraction seeds that Chris talks about in all his books. It will help in making him value you more and miss you.

So What If Your Ex Does Move On?

“What if he’s so busy that he won’t need me anymore. What if he finds the perfect girl for him?,” you worry.
I received that question from one of the commenters and it got me thinking.

“Yeah, what if the ex chooses to do that after one week of no contact and then just ignored you all throughout the remaining days of your no contact?”

So, that means he moved on from you right?

In a way, yes he did. But my experience in these matters has taught me that often these other relationships an ex will get involved in are short term. Guys often suffer from the “grass is greener” syndrome. I know it hurts if you see or hear that he is with another girl. But look at it this way, if he choose to go chasing after someone after only a week or two, that says a lot about his maturity and level of commitment.

What You Should Do If Such a Thing Happens?

Avoid reacting to what you think he is doing. Stay true to the No Contact Period. One can argue that in such a situation, this would mean your ex moved on from your previous relationship. but that doesn’t mean he has forgotten about you.

He just chose this course of action. Time will tell how he really feels about things. And time will tell how you feel about the bigger picture as well. Remember, you are working to become the best version of yourself.

You Fear He Will Become Angry and Then Avoid You


You can’t control how your ex feels. So, when he gets angry during no contact, what do you do?

Ask yourself first. Why? Why is he angry?

Let’s breakdown some of the most common reasons why your ex can become angry during the No Contact Period.

A) Did he get angry because you didn’t implement the no contact rule the right way?

Let’s get some perspective! Let’s walk down the path many women often take.

You’re having a hard time with your break up. You did everything you could think of like texting, calling begging, pleading, crying, possibly writing a letter, showing up at his home, and/or showing up at his workplace.

You finally stopped because he got angry with you.

You rested for a week and then thought maybe I could just ask him to be friends. Now, you’re friends (sort of) and you’re being nice to him, hoping that can make him realize your worth.

He asks favors and of course you do them wholeheartedly. But then after a while, you realize it’s not working from your end. You feel friend zoned.

In one respect, things are not awful, but they are not the way they were before. Since you are not so great at discussing your feelings with your ex, you figure perhaps there is another way to go about things.

You decide to search for help through Mr. Google and voila! You found us!

You read up on things and decide you will try the No Contact Rule. You figure, “what do I have to lose.”

So, you just stopped replying to him all of a sudden.

In the backdrop of all of the experiences you had with him and all the memories you made with him, a new reality is setting in. He is being ignored.

Very good. You’re doing the No Contact Rule.

But then he gets angry.

And because you’re in the No Contact Period, you ignore him right?


Why? Because you’re are going about things in the wrong way. The no contact rule was not started in the right way.

You should start it immediately after the break up, not when dialogue is open and the relationship is seeking to find itself.

You shouldn’t go into No Contact after you’ve established with him that everything is alright between the two of you.

Yes, it hurts to be friend zoned.

But girl, you have to at least make it clear to him.

You have to restart the count

Tell him, you thought you can be friends but you still couldn’t.

  • Don’t tell him you’re doing the no contact rule.
  • Don’t tell him you’re going to ignore him for a specific amount of days.
  • Don’t give him any ultimatums.

Just tell him you need time for yourself and when you’re ready, you’ll reach out. He will get the message. Perhaps he might not like a lot. But deep inside he will understand.

That way, he won’t be surprised if he does not hear from you. You won’t leave him wondering what you’ve been up to.

Now, what if he still gets angry?

Do you continue to explain why you’re ignoring him?


You’ve already explained. You’ve been clear. He has to respect your decision.

He may be angry somewhat because he has grown accustomed to the friends with benefits situation. He may be angry because he’s was not expecting this reaction. He may have been hoping that you would stick with what you have been doing.

Let him cool off.

He will eventually realize that you are serious with what you said and that will help make him miss you and facilitate the re-opening of a more serious conversation about the relationship. You see, most friends with benefits situations evolve out of immaturity or a person’s lack of desire to commit. Such relationships are usually doomed to fail.

What if he’s still angry after a long time….let’s say after two weeks? Read on girl!

B) So, what if you started the No Contact rule in the right way?

Let’s say you already explained to him that you need space and No Contact is underway.


You just initiated the no contact rule immediately after the break up.

And then after a week or two, he gets angry because you keep ignoring his texts of asking how are you…. what you are up to…. what did you eat…. I miss you…. etc.

As always, remember our mantra: Let him be.


Because you’ve broken up. That is the reality. This is not Junior High where you broke up for a day or two, then made up. If events led to the two of your breaking off a serious relationship, then no amount of rushing around to put it back together again will fix the problem.

So you might ask, Amor, what if he says,

Text 2

You might think, “Do I respond because if I don’t I am being rude, right?

In such a situation, you’re not being rude because (once again) you’ve broken up. You’ve ended a romantic relationship and it hurts. It’s not normal to be friends right after the break up. It is not normal for either party to the relationship to pretend that everything is fine.

Now, it is possible that your ex will think that the reason you’re ignoring him is because you’re hurting.

I am assuming he has some empathy.

He’ll think to himself why you’re doing this….ignoring him. The possibility that you are in great pain may very well cross his mind.

And so the most sensible conclusion he might be able to come up with is that you’re just not ready to open up yet.

And that’s true.

So, let him work through his own internalizing and stay in no contact. Anger has a way of fusing out after some time. Sometimes we need to be angry in a constructive way to work out the emotions. So stay true to your path. Don’t confuse him.

C) He’s angry because he thinks you’re happy without him.

So I get all kinds of comments like this!

“Amor, shouldn’t we have fun during the no contact rule? You know, go out with friends and family? How would he think I’m sad, if I’m out having fun? What if he gets angry because I’m having fun?”

So, your ex doesn’t want you to be happy after he breaks your heart?

“No, no, no! I mean he’s pissed because I look like I just don’t care after all!”

Are you supposed to care the same way after the break up?

No, you are not. Things have changed since the breakup. Your feelings for your ex is probably in flux, right?


Earth to you girl!

When you’re having fun and ignoring him right after the breakup, that’s called moving on. Or perhaps a better description is moving forward. And I am talking about you. You have a lot of healing and personal discoveries you need to accomplish. And having fun and fulfilling experiences is part of that.

Don’t allow yourself to be “guilted” into thinking you should feel miserable.

So, if he gets angry because he notices you’re having fun, and then decides that he will move on too, what do you do?

First, relax. Don’t be so quick to conclude that he has erased you from his mind. If your ex starts to behave in this manner, it is likely he will eventually change this attitude because often it’s a spur of the moment reaction. He made it while he was angry.

He’ll probably even show you that he’s having fun too to throw you off. You know…tit for tat.

Remember the mantra! Let him be. Let him cycle through his anger and other feelings. Let him have his fun.

The more we try to hold onto things, the easier it is to lose our grip on them.

D) Your Ex Seems to be Angry Because of Your Jealousy “Play”!

Ok, yes we do suggest making jealousy moves, but we don’t want you to make it too obvious or forward.

Don’t start going on dates (early in the process) or sleep with a guy.

Don’t kiss a guy or participate in an intimate pose, then post it on social media because you want to make him jealous. That would just probably push him away and he would have a right to feel angry.

If you are making a “jealousy play” a group picture will do. When he sees you’re in that group with some guys and girls, he is unlikely to be angry, but it will make an impression and that’s ok. You are planting a little jealousy seed.

If he gets somewhat angry or annoyed because of that, take it as a good sign because that means he still cares.

“What if he accuses me of cheating because of that?”

If he levels such an accusation, my reaction would be, “really”?

If he flips out because of a group picture or something similar, then he needs to learn to chill out. Don’t respond or try to explain. You would just be feeding into his hysteria.

Remember, you’re not doing anything bad. That’s just his way to get you to text him. And you should read this article too: How to get your ex boyfriend if he thinks you cheated but you didn’t

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Yes, please

E) He’s just angry

So let’s dive back into the No Contact world.

Assume that you are out there trying to become that ungettable girl. Let’s say you haven’t texted or responded to anything and you’re just ignoring him and now he’s super angry because of it.

Let’s assume you started the no contact period immediately after the break up too. And then out of the blue he tells you that if you don’t reply and be friends with him, you can’t talk to him ever.

Should you respond or just let him be?

I vote for letting him be.


Because that’s just his way of trying to get his way over things. He is trying to control you. Strong relationships are not built on control. If you get an ultimatum like this, it shows you two things. First, it shows that some of the “personal power” has shifted to you. That is good for your girl! But it also shows your ex acting immaturely and acting out of a place of anger. And seldom can you reason with an angry person.

He needs to chill. No one should control you. Nor should you have complete control over another person.
If you reply, he may end up playing a game of not responding to you to get the upper hand.

He’s going to forget you: Out of sight, out of mind

You might ask, “Can’t I just continue to talk to him and just not talk to him about the relationship, so that I can remind him of the good times and not risk losing him?”

Why it probably won’t happen

Welcome to the 21st century where everything and everyone is online!

It’s hard to stay out of sight now if you are active in social media and if you read Chris’ posts and books, you will find a wealth of information about how to keep him thinking about you.

And surprisingly, the sooner you start the No Contact period, the better the prospects that he will start thinking about you quite a lot. In fact, with some guys, thoughts of you may become a little obsessive. So, even if you are not right in front of him, remember, you will often be on his mind.
So what can you do to help him keep you top of mind and back of mind.

Well, I am not so sure about him always keeping you top of mind. But there are lots of things you can do to keep him thinking about you in the back of mind. And that is where you will plant your seeds of attraction.

So that means you have to be active in social media.

What happens if you’re not a big social media user?

Well, that means you should start using it.

You don’t have to go big right away.

You can slowly ease into it.

  • Have an instagram account and make that your online photo album.
  • Have a snapchat account and play with the filters.
  • Have a Twitter account and follow inspiring people.
  • Have a Pinterest account so, you can explore and learn about projects or topics you love.
  • Connect the social media accounts that you can connect to Facebook, and then voila! you’re active.

Keep it all natural.

All of these social media actions can help you in many ways. It will help your personal development. It will help keep your mind off of sad times. It will help inspire you. And if your ex boyfriend is active in any of these social media platforms…guess what? You will find a clever way to make sure he is following you.

He will notice you and the seeds of attraction can be planted every day.

But the most important part is that you go out.

Meet friends.

Join classes and meet new people.

And then make new friends with your new classmates or work buddies and go out!

You can go out alone and do soul searching. You can go biking, hiking, walks in the park. Take a kayak out. Go to a bookstore and hang out. Stay involved and engaged in life, with people.

Just have a new environment.

You know, he might seem like he doesn’t care. And he will probably show that he doesn’t care. But you will see to it that he will learn through the “grapevine” about many of your activities. Slowly you are building value in his eyes. He will see he no longer has this exciting and interesting person in his life. More little thoughts will grow in the back of his mind.

According to a study by a Western Ontario graduate, Ms. Veronika Lukacs, 90% of exes check their exes’ profile after the breakup.

So, he will most likely check your profile.

That’s your way of being present in his life.

So let’s say that after all of your efforts, nothing happens. What does it mean and what should you do?

So let’s start off by asking “what” it is that didn’t happen.

Let’s assume he didn’t message you during no contact.

Ok… reason to panic. If you are still in your no contact period, then continue with it. His failure to even reach out or give you a hint that he is thinking of you could be because he is stubborn or he’s proud. Or on the positive side, he’s just busy or he wants you to take your time. Maybe he respects the process you are going through. Maybe is is simply afraid to reach out.

Not hearing from your ex boyfriend during No Contact can be for a lot of reasons. What is important is you keep the focus on becoming the best version of “you”. Your life does not revolve around whether your ex contacts you or not.

If the No Contact Period is over and he has not messaged you, what should you do?

Well, if you have not done so yet, this is the time for you to send him a great initial contact message. It is perfectly fine to make the “first move”. Believe me, women have been doing this for centuries! Chris covers this in great detail in his e-books and articles.

But let’s be clear, it’s very unlikely that your ex has totally forgotten you. That would be ridiculous, right. Don’t forget…when we are in relationships, a lot of close ties are achieved. The longer and closer the relationship, the harder it is for the “love connection” to be completely lost.

What should you do if your ex does not respond to your first contact message?

Hmm.. let’s say you did everything right, ok?

You stayed strong during the whole 21, 30, or 45 days of No Contact. You improved yourself but he didn’t answer your first contact text.
First of all, be careful about jumping to conclusions.

Wait a few days or longer before trying again. But this time, try a different contact message. Chris gives you lots of examples in his books and guides.
If your ex boyfriend didn’t reply after the second attempt or you want to prepare for that possible outcome, then read this article: What to do when the no contact rule doesn’t work

He’s going to find another woman…

new girlfriend

I have found this to be a frequent concern with many women and the very thought of it can dig right into your soul. Often it never happens. Sometimes it happens, but the relationship with the other woman is casual (without sex). And there are times where your ex boyfriend has a “friends with benefits” type of relationship with another.

I know! Just the thought of another woman can drive you crazy. Well, let’s again turn to our Moonstruck Girl for some wisdom. Let’s walk through some of her concerns and deconstruct them!

Moonstruck Girl 1

“What if he finds another woman right after the breakup?”

Moonstruck Girl 2

“What if he’s has known this new girl for a long time. We are talking about an old “flame”. Or let’s say he showed signs that he liked her even before he broke up with you?”

Moonstruck Girl 3

“What if you come to believe that he is really serious about this other girl and has just moved on to her?”

Moonstruck Girl 1: What If He Finds A New Girl Right After The Breakup

Yes, there is a possibility that your ex could find a new girl, but she will most likely be a rebound. So, it’s not likely that he will somehow just quickly stumble upon the person that he can lead a happily ever after life with.

Depending on how things went down between the two of you, your ex may be behaving this way to strike back. He could be trying to fill a vacuum in his life.

I’m going to assume you did the no contact right after the break up and you are doing 21 day period.

Let events play out.

You cannot control his actions. But you can control your attitude and the decisions you make about your life.

What can you do for this not to happen

As I mentioned earlier, you can’t control him. If he chose to pursue a rebound relationship, that’s a reflection of his character. His choice to take this direction is rarely because you implemented the no contact rule. If it was, then it tells you what you really need to know about the guy.

The lesson you can take from all of this is to not to pursue or get trapped in a rebound relationship too. Because if he saw or heard about you kissing or hooking up with another guy, that might cause him to be vengeful and do the same thing too. And then things just start spiraling out of control.

Also, don’t attack any potential woman you see or hear that he is flirting with. It makes you appear as the bad guy and then he might go right into the protective mode for her, making him her “Knight in Shining Armor”.

So, instead of this other woman slowly disappearing from his life, you could end up strengthening their relationship.

What Tactics Can You Implement If He is Seeing Another Girl?

Maintain the activities you started during no contact and then when you start texting, approach it like he has moved on to her. So, that means don’t be too forward in making a move so that he won’t go into a protective mode with the rebound girl.

Keep the conversations short but fun. Keep yourself productive and keep being beautiful and being active in social media. That way he will keep comparing you to the new girl and miss you more. The grass is greener syndrome can run deep in the minds of a lot of ex boyfriends. Sometimes they need to learn this lesson on their on.

I just want to reinforce that it is important to do everything slowly. Don’t be in a rush to win him back, if you want him back. Continue your efforts of finding your own fulfilling moments. You have control over the attitude you embrace each and every day. Make them all count. Don’t fall victim to the notion that you can control the actions of your ex or even his rebound girl.

Moonstruck Girl 2: What If He Has Known This “Other Girl” For A Long Times Or Even Dated Her Before

This scenario is similar to the first situation in that he may be falling prey to the Grass is greener syndrome. I use the word falling prey, because the “old flame” phrase originated because something went wrong….things flamed out.

Sometimes a guy can forget the bad feelings he had with his old flame. An ex can rush right back into the fire. So sometimes, whether or not you are in the no contact rule, your guy may look for a way to be with her. Often what happens is the guy figures out why he broke up with his “old flame” in the first place.

That is how I see it. An “old flame” can actually help your ex boyfriend realize the value you have.

Is there anything you can do to stop it from happening?

“Wouldn’t the no contact period make it easier for him to be with her?”

Honestly, it could but, you have more leverage if you use the no contact rule once he pursues her.

The alternative is to do everything you can think of to please him or convince him you’re the right one. But I see this backfire a lot. Chances are, he will more probably be annoyed with you and see you as a hindrance to his new found love story.

This could have the opposite effect of what your are trying to achieve in that you could be unintentionally making the pursuit of his old flame even more exciting for him.

Ok, well maybe that’s a bit dramatic but I think you get the point right!

If it happens: Why it happened?

Check out this article: The Grass is Greener Syndrome for Ex boyfriends to understand more about the Grass is greener case.

What you should do after it happens?

Just as we have taught you, continue growing and improving. It’s just as simple as that.

Well, OK….nothing is that simple!

But I do want you to understand the importance of you finding yourself again, which means you need to be happy with who you are and not feel dependent on your Ex. If you strive to be your best self, I like your chances in the long run compared to the competition.

Moonstruck Girl 3: What If He Gets Serious With This New Girl

If you’ve just broken up, it’s less likely that he would just move on that quickly. That’s not realistic. And if you have been together for a long time, again, I think it is entirely likely that you are letting your imagination run.

What you should do and not do!

Don’t chase, don’t beg, don’t threaten him, and don’t forget about your needs. Start no contact as soon as you can. If you have already talked and made everything clear and he still didn’t change his decision, that’s fine. It’s time to start the no contact rule.

What you should do if it really happens?

We can never be sure how relationships will jell. Getting the chemistry “right” between two people is no easy task. There are no fortune tellers that can ensure you and your ex are meant to be together for the long haul.

That’s life. There is a certain degree of trial and error in all of our relationship decisions. Only real life experience with another person can inform us whether we will be fulfilled and happy with them.

Yes, it can be heart breaking when someone you thought you could trust and who you loved chooses another.

But think of this way instead. Consider yourself fortunate. When you focus on becoming the “best” you that you can be, many paths will open up for you and someday you will likely look back and think, “I am so glad things worked out the way they did”.

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476 thoughts on “Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule”

  1. Dianna

    November 9, 2022 at 11:51 pm

    Comment ok I get I’m doing it and I am still on hell. Question … What if he comes to your house during no contact? No calls no text just shows up? Maybe you can address this scenario. Thank you Sincerely

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      November 13, 2022 at 1:03 pm

      Hi Dianna, on the off chance they appear at your door. You keep the situation calm, no emotions or discussion about the breakup or relationship. It is unlikely he is going to turn up unannounced.

  2. Brie

    October 12, 2020 at 8:52 am

    I broke 3 weeks of NC out of anger and sent him a bitchy text and he blocked my number and then I apologized and then he unblocked my number and apologized for how he ended things, but said he is focusing on himself and then a week later unfollowed me on Instagram. Also I’m pretty sure he has slept with someone else during this time. Should I move on? Or is there still a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2020 at 5:31 pm

      Hi Brie, it really is your call if you want to move on or not. But the program is here to give you, your best chance of getting him back

  3. Sophie

    September 19, 2020 at 5:29 pm

    Hi, I’m on day 27 of no contact and I’m starting to panic. We broke up amicably with no fallout. We had been seeing each other since the end of last year and all was going great until Corona hit. We have not been able to see each other since March. We were in daily contact and kept things going as best we could but then he said he’s losing feelings which is not surprising as we hadn’t seen each other for so long. We got on great and were in the exciting dating phase. He said because we aren’t able to date now we should just leave it and he wishes he’d met me after all this was over so we had a proper shot at the relationship. We ended it on the phone with no begging or pleading, just disappointment that this has been taken out of our hands and there’s nothing we can do about it and now we are going into another lockdown. Neither of us have tried to contact each other since we ended it. He’s stubborn and I’m really proud. I don’t know what to do for the best. We don’t know when Corona restrictions will end. The whole situations feels so helpless at this point :((

  4. Bebee

    September 18, 2020 at 5:07 pm

    If I implemented the no contact rule incorrectly…meaning not informing him I needed space and just ignoring his text, can I fix it? It’s obvious he is upset because of what he’s been posting on social media. It’s only been a week. Should I continue my silence?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 21, 2020 at 4:35 pm

      Hey Bebee, you are not meant to warn your ex that you need space. Continue with your NC and do not break it. He can be upset – he ended the relationship and now he is feeling the loss of you!

  5. Jayne Gorman

    July 24, 2020 at 3:01 pm

    Your website is my bible. It has saved my life. I am 9 days into the no contact period and im feeling good. My 2.3 year relationship ended and my ex was ‘facebook official’ with someone else within 2 weeks. I am hoping for a reconciliation with him but if that doesn’t work out, I already feel happy with myself. Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 24, 2020 at 10:49 pm

      Thats awesome Jayne! Good to hear the program is working to make yourself your best version of yourself keep going!

  6. Kay

    July 2, 2020 at 1:52 am

    What if we made the mistake of fighting for the relationship. On and off talking .. been split for three weeks now . I’m just now starting the no contact rule. Is there still hope?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 3, 2020 at 11:24 pm

      Hi Kay, there is still hope but be sure that you are working on yourself the entire time so that you have emotional control and are the best version of yourself so when he speaks to you again you are going to be this happy and confident person

  7. Anye

    June 27, 2020 at 11:45 pm

    My boyfriend was struggling financially but I felt that he wasn’t pulling his weight so I recommended friendship in the beginning in order for me to be helpful and to prevent resentment. He was very angry at this suggestion and us angry when I try to limit or schedule the borrowing. Recently he just tried to friend zone me, saying he wants to get to know me, he has decided to call a spade a spade , cease sex and get to know me, meanwhile he wanted the cash for a course and after the course he would move in. At this I had a bad feeling that he wants to use me to transition so I asked him for space , decided to break up. He was livid as he said it was unexpected. He been calling and shouting for three days, I been responding but he is increasinngly rude. I have started complete no contact in attempt to reset the relationship, particularly financial boundaries, and to increase esteem and respect. I love your site, been viewing since 2016.
    Please advise

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 7, 2020 at 8:55 pm

      Hi Anye, I would say that you are doing the right thing by going into No Contact, be sure to stick with it regardless of any interaction that may come from him during this time and be sure that you use social media to show how you are doing great and are happy. So he wonders why you suddenly changed with him

  8. Ashley

    April 20, 2020 at 4:49 am

    I have been reading many articles on the No Contact Rule and I just do not know if it is the right thing to do for me and my situation so I was hoping to get some advice.. One month ago, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. We never fought in our relationship. It was not until the last month or 2 of our relationship when we started fighting. When he broke up with me, he said it was because he felt like he was not good enough for me since most of our problems were his fault. About 2 weeks later, he told me he did not want to be in a relationship with anyone for awhile. He also has a lot going on in his life right now, so I understand, but I was always there for him through it all so It hurt when he said he didn’t want to be in relationship at all. Of course I was upset but we ended on good terms. We still talk almost everyday and he says he still considers me his best friend. But I feel like I have not given him a chance to miss me because we still talk a lot and we have hooked up twice since the breakup. I want to stop contacting so it gives him a chance to miss me but I am worried he will take it the wrong way. Our main problem towards the end of the relationship was communication. He did not tell me how he felt and would bottle it up until he couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with me. So, I am worried that by not contacting him, he won’t tell me how he feels or admit it and try and move on, thinking that thats what I am doing and that I do not want to get back together. I guess there is a part of me that hopes by talking to him he’ll realize how much he misses me and will want to get back together… but I am also worried that by talking so much, he doesn’t have a chance to miss me. Please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 8:21 pm

      Hi Ashley, yes NC is the right thing to do in our siutation

  9. D.

    February 23, 2020 at 8:10 am

    I’ve been reading many artickes on this site. I find them encouraging and insightful. I’ve been with my bf ever since shortly after my divorce, 3.5 yrs ago. Both of us are divorced, and have kids. We had a good relationship. Over the past year he experienced growing hardship in his life, with his business and financial situation, and with the relationship with his kids deteriorating. He began hanging out more at my house, not being very considerate to me and my kids. I felt he was increasingly living off me, not putting in any effort around the house. I grew resentful as I felt I could not say anything, him always being in some bad state or other. At lome point he asked me to co-sign for him at the bank. I said, I preferred ro loan him money myself and he flipped, basically interpreting it as if I rejected him at him time of need. He left for 3 days, then returned “to make things better”. However from that point on the relationship deteriorated. He made frequent, offensive references to my stinginess (having essentially lived off me for over 6 months), became aloof, coming at late hours at night. I told him I can’t go on like this. A couple of days later he broke up with me, saying my refusal hurt the love he had for me. At the beginning I begged him to stay, but seeing he was adamant I let him go. I’ve been nc since (3.5 weeks). I later learned during our last 2 months together he went on tinder and started dating some girl. I unfriended him on social media but no from friends that he hardly posts anything, even though he was very active before. I am finding it very hard to move on. I am very hurt at how he interpreted my actions, how he treated my home and children, and me disrespectfully, but I feel that I still love him and want him back. Why is this so difficult?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 3, 2020 at 10:08 pm

      Hi D, so going from what you have said. You can still love someone but still know that they are not a good person to be in a relationship with, you are hurt by what has happened and that takes time to get over and then when you move past the hurt you are left with the loving feelings you had for that person. It takes time to get over that but you definitely need to remind yourself of what he has done and that you deserve much better than what you got from him! Read the information on this website about being Ungettable and focus on that, yourself and your children for some time. You will start to feel better the more Holy Trinity work you do

  10. Melissa

    December 11, 2019 at 2:17 am

    Hi all!
    I’ve been flipping through many pages on here hoping to find some answers! My ex boyfriend and I were together a little over 2 years. We both had children from previous relationships. He was divorced, I was never married. He was single for 6 years after divorce(nasty divorce-he was cheated on),with me being the first girl he’s dated since. About the 2 year mark and I brought up marriage. He got defensive and said he’d never marry again. Him knowing it was something I wanted from the beginning. (No timeline on it, just some day.) So it caught me off guard. Since that day, for about 2 months, any little thing I did or say ticked him off. My kids annoyed him, we spent little time together, and just little arguments here and there over little stuff. We had never argued! Though, around 9 months together we broke up for 3 weeks because he thought I listened to too many people about our relationship and then we stopped talking to those friends when we got back together. Other than that, great relationship! He was amazing with my kids and all 5 kids got along for the most part. One night we babysat my girls (I have 3), and I guess they acted up. I later on asked him why he hasn’t been as loving to them as normally he is, and he blew up saying he didn’t want to be around my kids. Said he didn’t want to live with me or marry me ever. But that we can be friends and see each other when none of the kids are around. That was end of Sept 2019. We didn’t see each other for 3 weeks after, (but did remain in little contact). Went on a date, talked, but not about relationship. Ended up sleeping together, and eventually ended up hanging out once or twice a week for the next month and a half. After that, I ended up feeling like being friends wasn’t working for me and I wanted to fix things. He got upset and said I’m the one that broke up with him because he wouldn’t move in with me or marry me, I said no, you broke up with me because you didn’t wNt to be around my kids anymore. He seemed confused. He just kept saying, I don’t know what you want me to say. So I gave him one last hug, and said I hope your happy. He said, so you’re never going to talk to me again? I said no I will. And then I left. Implemented the no contact rule and it’s been 3 weeks now and haven’t heard anything. We only share Snapchat as a mutual social media platform so no other way to be in contact. I didn’t post anything until 2 days ago in which case he did not view but he views a mutual friend of mine. (I asked her). Does it mean anything that he doesn’t view my stories now?? Could he be angry with me for not saying anything after our last talk? Am I doing no contact correctly?? Anything I should be doing?

    Thanks !

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 5:27 pm

      Hey Melissa, so you are doing No Contact right giving that you are not reaching out to him and hopefully not viewing his posts if he does post to SC.

      However, considering this guy said he does not want to marry you, which is something you want for yourself one day, one reason to move on. And even bigger issue… he does not want to be around your kids! I would say walk away from this guy because he sounds like an ass, especially when he has children of his own! Regardless if your children are the most behaved on the planet or the naughtiest kids around, it is not their fault how he feels when he is around them. THEY ARE CHILDREN. Hes being selfish and to be honest I think you deserve better than someone who’s that shallow to speak like that about children

  11. Janna

    November 19, 2019 at 12:36 pm

    I’ve been reading so many articles . My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me about a month ago . I cheated on him with an ex lover for about the second to last month if our relationship . I begged for him back after it happened . Told him the other guy means nothing and stopped talking to the other guy . He wouldn’t talk to me at first when he found out . Then two weeks after he found out he came back and everything went back to normal .we were us again for the most part. He used to spend every night at my house but he was taking it slow .
    So some nights he wouldn’t stay . I was trying to let him take it slow . We went away for a weekend with my parents . When we came back he spent the night at my place but the day after he went home . I was getting upset when he did but I didn’t say anything . The day he went home he went out to the bar with some friends and I didn’t hear from him for three hours . Finally when I did I was so upset and he was so drunk and being weird . The next day he came over we argued about it then got over it he stayed the next two days . After that he went home
    It was a Friday night he was going hunting in the morning . He told me he was done going to bars after that to make me feel better . So I went out with my friends to keep me busy and he did the same . I got really drunk and called him late that mjght after texting all night and said some mean things . He was supposed to come back the next day after hunting . He wouldn’t even talk to me the next day . I begged him to come over and he wouldn’t . Finally he stopped by to get some clothes and to talk for an hour . We both cried he said he just wanted space so he could miss me and we could start over. So I tried to give him space . I would just say I love you in the morning and at night . He never would respond . I accepted that . Then one night one of his ex friends who wanted to be with him messaged me saying she saw him on tinder . It made me insane. I then called and texted everyday all day and he wouod barely answer me . I know he was getting annoyed he said he loves me but can’t ever be with me . He wishes he was by my side but can’t be . He also told me he had a secret camera he put in my room and saw everything . Finally after days of him just not answering I tried no contact . My dad has come up from Florida To visit and meet him finally . So my dad called him and talked to him and he said
    To him he just needs to get his head straight but wouod love to take him out to dinner . I stopped bugging him and texting him throughout this time . He has me on Snapchat tho and wouod watch my stories everyday I posted . Then my dad tried to contact him again he avoided meeting up with him. Then he stopped watching any of my Snapchat stories . His Snapchat number has been going up everyday all day in large amounts all of a sudddn which leads me to believe he’s talking to someone else . I got drunk after a week of NC I sent him a song via Snapchat he opened it . I then sent another one and he still hasn’t
    Opened it it’s been 5 days and still hasn’t
    Opened it and stopped watching my stories after I sent it . I still haven’t tried texting or talking to him tho I just sent the song . So since I sent the song my dad tried to get ahold of him again (mostly because he wants the tape he secretly recorded of me ) my ex said he couldn’t actually figure
    Out camera so he never actually had one he just said it out of anger but I think it’s a lie since he’s an electrician . But when my dad reached out again he didn’t call him back or text him back. That was yesterday . I’m still on his Snapchat also . But he doesn’t view my stories he ignored my dad .
    I haven’t tried to reach out yet I’m basically in two weeks of NC if you don’t include the songs I sent 5 days ago . What do I do ? Do I have any chances ? Is he just done ? Has he moved on ? His love for me was so strong . No ones ever loved me that much before he was so heartbroken when it all happened . Could he really have moved on that fast ? Doesn’t he really never want our love back ? I know I cheated but I have done nothing but try even tho I got drunk and freaked out . I don’t know what to do it consumes me . Seeing his number go up on Snapchat every minute of the day .

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 11:06 pm

      Hey so you broke the No contact 5 days ago when you sent the songs, so you have to start from the beginning, no contact means you have NO CONTACT at all. Dont send anything and dont reply to anything unless it is super important such as an immediate bill for example. The fact you cheated is going to have hurt him to make him angry and not trust you, which is why a full No Contact is really important to give him time to get over what happened. You need to follow the program and stick with it if you want to give yourself your best chance of getting your ex back

  12. Melissa

    May 13, 2019 at 10:33 pm

    My ex cheated on me and left me for her. We stayed in contact for four months and it looked like we would get back together soon. He was very manipulative and lied a lot so I went into no contact and a week and a half later they are engaged to be married. He told me repeatedly he was unhappy with her. Do you think he panicked that I cut off contact and blocked him ? Why would be want to move so quickly with her ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 14, 2019 at 2:26 am

      Hi Melissa…I am sorry you had to deal with someone that was deceitful. Let’s hope he realizes the folly of his ways. Going forward, your focus should be on your own healing. YOu did nothing wrong. He is at fault and not having you in his life is his loss.

  13. Ellie

    April 8, 2019 at 10:08 pm

    He always leaves me, but do sex when I am in front, he calls me his best friend, for relationship his explanation is( he loves me but we dnt hv future cause of different religions), that’s why he broke up with me. Ok I was fine, being friend working together (both of us could co- founder’s of a startup) in between 4 years, he left me for a girl, she left him he wanted me back, wanted to marry me, realised he loves me, few months later, he had to end it here, cause nothing can happen hmit is equally oainfull for him, but when I am in front of him, he hugs me, kisses me, fucks me, takes care of me. When m over phone, he texts, talk normal work, friendly talk. Hours of phone call, text. He text goodnight, good morning to me everyday. Even after fights, but no lovey dovey, nothing romantic ever, not a single text of missing you, or love you. Nothing never. No holding hands nothing. He is in incest since teenage, I found out about it, he promised several time to stop it but nope. He lies about it. N I keep finding his text to his sister. So last year I call it off. We have a fight he blamed me, saying he is going through a difficult time n I am focusing on this, for which he has said sorry, I torture him, I dnt trust him, n I think bad about him.. This was blamed on me. After a few months, again we were having sex, fights, promises, work chat, happy moments. I found out his video calls to his ex( for whole he left me) again fight, blaming me for not understanding the importance of time, and work. And getting upset over this. I took promise again to not lie n hide but to tell me. He gave it, three months we were happily talking. After three he lied about text his ex sent him, I found out again fight. Later he said, when I call u my friend no physical relationship from now. But then he does it. I never stopped him, cause I though his actions n words are different, n his words doesn’t mean anything. In November 2018 last sex ( he asked for it, by saying if you dnt thing otherwise I am feeling horny right now), but we chats n talks became wierd. Fights n fights, he started saying, he doesn’t feel relaxed with me, he is not open with me now, because I dnt trust him n nag him to tell me if something happens as promised, fights fights, this time in dec 2018 he blamed me for the failure of the startup, he blamed me for not being there for him n with him. He called me selfish and said u hv always only cared about ur relationship. N nothing else. ( I invested 5 lakhs in the business and used to being projects and do marketing.) More fights, so I stopped contacting him as he told me he feels suffocate by me he feels like I control him, but again he was angry on him saying, he was waiting for me to wish him Christmas. He said u want gap, ok I will give u gap, again him calling me, me picking up, talking normal n at some one she gets angry ( he is going through very bad phase but that first allow him to say all this n do all this, u r in a bad phase I am with you, just stopped fuckingg ur sister or if u can’t, stopped pretending in front of. Be true to me, I want truth between us, if it’s friendship than in that too. I cnt pretend that I dnt knw anything. So all I demand is please be truthful to me. I hv accepted everything). Fight fight. In Jan, he said he is ending the promise, as its his life n he decided what will happen in it. N he hasn’t born to explain actions to anyone. So I can think whatever I want. N he hopes one day” I will realised why he got reserved from me when he was all open to me once”. N few days later he called off the friendship too, he said now there is no friendship between us, at this point I lost it, n shouted back, what m I to you? A fly in ur milk? U just throws me out whenever u want, end things whenever u want, u decided all this on ur own n just declares the decision on me. Am I a joke to you? But he backfires me, n said no friendship I was very happy with you, but no more, if ur not a joke then I am also not a joke, I said why u r doing like this what has happened I hvnt asked you about her from a long time now. What else have I done now? He taunted me n said no he doesn’t want to be my friends. Ok. This goes for 6-10 days, over phone he breaks up, on messenger he text as if nothing happened, asking me what are you doing., insisting me to not leave messenger. Ok days passes. I stopped contacting him, he called I received, fight, him shouting on me reminding me how he doesn’t want the friendship then why I am still believing him blah blah. Ok once in anger he said he used me all these years. Later he said I said that because you told such sensitive thing to my mother. Ok, he was there on video, while my mother was getting operate. She came back home, n he said I dnt wana talk to you unless its work. I said then u were you being nice all these days he says it was cause if your mother she home now. (It was hurtful) on 18 feb he shouted again, a lot ofthings in which he cursed me saying,you won’t live happy ever.. N many other things. In that moment I told him I hv a project. So aftr the angry call, he called me, said sorry, for his behavior, n again called n asked the project I was talking about. I said I all send you details, n we cut the call. I went down stairs, foundggrandma unconscious, after three days I lost her. Ok, he called I didn’t respond, since his last call on 18 feb I didn’t respond him until 1 March. On 1 March, I talked to him and his mother told them everything that happened ( as he found about my gm from my friend. ) after on 1 March. I didn’t called him again. On 1 March it was very long call, it was of hours, I was telling him everything. He said he felt sorry n guilty as he said those words. But mostly he was listening. Talk about students, n he said he still dnt want friendship, I asked then why we’re u concerned about me. He said cause of humanity. I said ok, he said no not cause of that.. N I changed the topic. N we cut the call. No calls receiving after that. His mother called many times. I tried to ignore, she texted me. I said sorry to ignore her one day I talked to her n said, he lied to me for others, he left me, I cnt talk you to I am sorry. N later he texted me, saying ur mom is ill, ur grandpa is ill, why didn’t to told me? I am not ur enemy? I said u r not my friend either, he said I don’t know about friendship but is remaining are still there, I said nothing is left, u made it clear to me. He asked so now everything is finished from ur heart right? Now I am not in your heart anymore right? I said, u never wanted to be in my heart, why does it matter to you now? He said dnt talk bullshit. I didnt repied. On 18 March we called over phone as he wanted to know when I am going to office, to end the deed and sell other office stuff, or to decide to will I do further, as he has to leave cause of his financial conditions. I said u decided a date n let me know. He said u hv to complicate everything I said I am not complicating anything. U wanted to be free u r free. He got angry on it n said ok. I got myself free. Will inform you with date. N cut the call. Later I posted a pic of mine to which he respond, looking cute n happy, good stay happy, day after that, I posted a pic with a dog, he reacted, did you buy this dog. I didn’t respond at all. On 1 April he text me, client is asking for files I am send her all the file do you want it? Then I will send them to you, I didn’t respond, so he called. I didn’t received. One day I intiated text regarding a phone number on fb. I was a but irritated so I said few things. Like may be ur bad mouthing about me. N lastly I said, u wanted to leave me, u left me, I am out now. (This msg was on 21 March. ) since 1 April no calls from him. Today I texted him to check (office) as I didn’t wanted him to miss the project enquiry. He send me price of it, I said I only want you to check the email. He said thank you. That it. I hv posted my pics, he has seen them but no reaction. Usually he would hv get angry on him as my two much skin is showing in that pic. I am confused, whether I told him correctly by saing you wanted to leave me u left so I am out now. I am not talking to him since 21 March. Today was the first time I texted him regarding that email. M I doing right? He has stopped calling me but asked my friend two days back. ” Hi, are in touch with her? “. She said no. His mother texted two days back asking me, how much I doing. I didn’t respond. Is he missing me? Is he hating me more? Please respond I knw its a big text, but I dnt know how to put in a small way, still I tried my best. Please please please let me know whether I am doing the no contact right? He is a very angry, stubborn person, who just always sees mistakes in others firsts. But I was his only friend. N yeah he said “no friendship but for work we hv to be in contCt, as I am not stopping working with you.”, in the name of work, he wants to be in contact. He says, we have to do work together, so for work we have to talk.

  14. Bridget

    March 20, 2019 at 7:49 pm

    So my bf and I have been broken up for a week. I have been in no contact. I wrote a break up letter per the suggestion of some other programs. He responded with a thank you and would I like to have coffee and talk. I asked what about. He said we can just be friends and shoot the sh*t, right.? At this point, I told him I wasn’t ready to hang out. That I needed to have time apart to move on. That if he wanted to talk about working things out, then that’s another story. But otherwise, I hope he’d appreciate my need for space. I haven’t heard another word from him, which is good, I guess. But I do know that he’s mad per things he’s posting online geared towards me. I have promised myself not to look at his things. But I question if I made the right moves.

  15. Riya

    February 14, 2019 at 12:35 pm

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were in relation for 2 years. We both spent a very good time together. We shared mutual understanding very well. His father died during this period and also i supported him very much. I always helped him in his bad time. But he wasn’t settled careerwise yet. He tried jobs but that didn’t pay him well and was also not satisfied doing those jobs. Befor our breakup he was too upset to handle all those situations regarding his career. So he decided to move to abroad for better future. I was against his decision first because it will make us far from one another but after some days i also understood his situation that it will be best for him. But in this period our relation was also not going well. He could barely talk to me. If talked them he would feel as if i am annoying for him. So he didnt talk to me before our breakup. And suddenly one day he said to me that he dont want to be together anymore. He always said that he would marry me one day but then he said that he doesnt like me anymore and dont want to spend life with me. But i begged and cried infront of him that please do this to me. But he didnt listen to me. Then he cut off all the contact with me and didnt reply me. But after some days he texted me like normal and i also talked to him as a friend. But again he will find me unwanted and started be rude to me while we were talking because in those days he was not getting visa to go to abroad. He got refusal for two times. He went on and off with me while he was not getting visa. But when he got visa he didnt tell me but used to talk normally like friends. Few days before he left for abroad, he asked me to meet him and to have physical relation for last time but i refused to meet him as we were not in relation anymore so why would i agreed to his such demand. Now he is abroad. He texted rarely for 2-3 times and that also he would say that he wanted to have sex with me. But he didnt agree to have any commitment with me or to continue such a relation that will lead to our marriage one day. Even he didnt share with me his new contact number. So after getting humiliated for so many times i decided to cut off contact with him. We used to chat on telegram app and i deleted that account and uninstalled the app 2 weeks ago. I am thinking if he would want me then he can call me or text me on whatsapp. But still there is nothing good happening. I can see his pictures posted on instagram and he seems to be happy. I dont know he is missing me or not. I am confused whether i should move on or wait for him. Please suggest me if there is any chance.
    Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      February 14, 2019 at 11:18 pm

      Hi Riya!

      I can see a lot has happened and you have been thru a lot. I think you would benefit if you had an ex recovery plan to follow as a blueprint, not just for optimizing your chances, but also to help you with your own healing needs and recovery activities.

  16. Shanice

    February 6, 2019 at 11:02 pm

    Here I am again..
    To keep it short and simple, me and my ex have been apart for a while however last few months were good (talking most days/dates) however we had a argument about a week ago so I decided I needed to go into no contact, however the plot thickens.. I am now in no contact during the process of us moving our of our house ALSO we share a pet (would love to see a blog post on tips/tricks if you share a pet with your partner) – since I’ve gone into no contact I’ve only been discussing things related to the house and he is being very hot and cold?
    thanks so much!

  17. Neha

    October 30, 2018 at 4:53 am

    I and my love were in a romantic relationship for 8 months. It was a rocky one, but the high was worth the pain. We fought a lot, broke up several times but we knew how much we love each other so git back each time. He was always in doubt when he thought about a future. Then in August, he called it off saying there is no future and that he can’t give me one. I initiated the NC period and in 15 days he was curious to know if I’ve moved on. I told him that I wanted things to go back to normal. I was fine without the commitment part, I just wanted him back. He said it’s not practical, that I can go and meet someone else that my parents were searching for me to get married while we were together. I told him this was the case the whole time, why was he making an issue of it now? Then there was a lot of begging and pleading after which I got frustrated and told him I’m dead to him. After 3 days he asked if I wanted to talk. I didn’t reply. After 23 days he asked so it’s done right? Then when i met him to hear him out, he was finally ready to be back with me the way we were. But I told him that I know he has serious commitment issues and asked him to resolve them. He asked for a week. I gave him that and when the week was up I told him we should stop talking. He wasn’t ready for that and he told that he is trying to give his everything, trying to put himself in a normal committed life but that picture is not fitting into his current situation. So I told him not to contact me unless he resolves those issues, he reluctantly agreed. It’s been 4 days since then.
    He loves me and he does not want to lose me. He also has severe commitment issues regarding how things will change after marriage and how our families will get involved. I did my best that I’d take care of everything and it would not affect him. We also have compatibility issues. I don’t know if he will resolve his issues, and give us a real shot at a committed relationship. I’m miserable that I have tried to implement NC so many times and doing it yet again.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 31, 2018 at 12:15 am

      Hi Neha!

      You might want to pick up a copy of my 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. It will serve as your guide and help you with getting through this period.

  18. DCB

    October 16, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    I recently had my girlfriend break up with me and I don’t know where to go from here. I am a woman trying to get my ex girlfriend back so I was not sure which of your websites to use.
    We have been best friends since high school and during that time, we began dating and it was wonderful. Due to the fact that we didn’t have any adult responsibilities, we were together every weekend and saw each other every day. Fast forward to now, we are both 22 and very much involved in our adult life. She is on her last semester of Nursing School and I am working in the town we went to school. From the beginning, we had an interesting relationship in the way that she came out to me as being gay/lesbian. I accepted her the way she was and over time, she fell for me and I didn’t resist. We developed a great bond and we were together for 4 years. Throughout that time, after graduating, we had our ups and downs. I am not one to wear my heart on my sleeve but she is. I guess I got used to the idea of having her around and overlooked her want and need for affection. She had already almost left me because I wasn’t giving her this. She said it felt wrong to leave so we gave it another shot.
    Here recently, she has been really busy with her schooling and me with work that we began to drift apart. She felt unappreciated, and I was feeling rejected. We have talked about our future many times and I have always been the type of person to take it a day at a time and she is not. She wants plans and security. I was unsure of what I wanted in regards to the future. She never liked this about me and when she broke up with me last Thursday, she said we were not compatible and that we wanted different things in life. She said she hoped I would understand where she was coming from and she could not keep coming to this point. She also said she wants to stay friends because of the friendship we have always had.
    At first I begged her to stay and I told her how I felt about her but she said it was too late. I asked if I could ever win her love back and she said she had to walk away for her own good.
    I want nothing more than to get her back. We are currently on day 4 of NC and it is killing me. How do I prove to her I want her back? How do i know if she means what she said or if she wants me to fight for her? I’m so confused because I don’t want to lose her.

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 17, 2018 at 12:55 am

      Hi DCB!

      So I wrote my 485 page eBook for both guys and girls. The principles, concepts, and tactics apply to all, with some minor differences in some areas. I know NC is hard, but as you will learn in my program, much of your efforts during NC is to focus on “you” and your recovery and you will be little good to yourself or in your efforts to get her back if your head is not right! Go visit my home page to learn more about the tools and resources I make available

    2. Chris Seiter

      October 17, 2018 at 12:55 am

      Hi DCB!

      So I wrote my 485 page eBook for both guys and girls. The principles, concepts, and tactics apply to all, with some minor differences in some areas. I know NC is hard, but as you will learn in my program, much of your efforts during NC is to focus on “you” and your recovery and you will be little good to yourself or in your efforts to get her back if your head is not right! Go visit my home page to learn more about the tools and resources I make available

  19. darlin s

    October 1, 2018 at 4:41 am

    This idea that rebounds don’t last out? Oh, it happens. It totally happens and that’s why I doubt this research. No less than 5 men- 5! the last 5 I loved- got seriously involved with someone new in less than 2 months after we broke up. I did “follow the rules” and I lost them anyway. 4 of those relationships resulted in marriage a year after our breakup; only 1 marriage failed. I just feel like it gives people false hope to say “Don’t worry! Rebounds don’t last!” because they absolutely can. “No contact helps YOU get over it” is more like it. It doesn’t get your guy back.

  20. Debra

    September 24, 2018 at 4:11 am

    Hello , you don’t talk much on guys that self sabotage . Or emotionally unavalible . My boyfriend of 2 years has been going through a long divorce . Hurtful evil x . He doesn’t want her back . He just says I don’t think I will every love again or marry . He’s damaged ! He was so into me at first and we were deep . Funny and best friends and hot lovers into each other . Always together He said he loved me 2 weeks in but scared himself and backed that up . Never said it since. For the last 2 months he’s been consistent in seeing me yet his heart is not there no effort completely detached ! and the last few weeks stating fights as if to get me to break it off. The fights were over him treating me awful ! Example . He didn’t even offer me help prior to huricane florance . When I asked him if he was gonna stay with me during the storm , he said no Nd stop trying to make me feel bad ! Omg ! Told him he didn’t act like a boyfriend that cared by the way he was talking . He hung up on me , I called him back right away . I was gonna yell at him for acting so mean and disresful he never answered and I wasn’t gonna blow up his phone. I descided I have had enough and I stated no contact rule. It’s been 12 days and nothing ! The longer he takes the more pissed I get that he thinks so little . He may have broke it off due to another girl he may have met . Not sure . He never took his profile off dating sites and he always hid his phone . However, he’s been doing that for the entire 2 plus years we’ve been together and I know he hadn’t been with anyone else . He’s with me to much . I do want him back but the way he was not the way he’s been treating me. I didn’t do anything. Wrong to good to him . He was always checking out girls too . My thought is the grass is greener thing. He wants to get with other girls and what’s to keep options open But it’s weird he never said he wanted to break up . I think he was afraid to hurt me , yet that’s all he’s been doing. Shitty way to break up. This way he can test the water and then say oh I thought we broke up. . The problem I’m having is . If a man really cared he wouldn’t take 12 days to contact you . He should have called me 2 days tops to say he was sorry for hanging up and clearly not caring ! If he did call now, as if it’s like ( are you ok ) I wouldn’t answer! He needs to be like ! I’m sorry, I treated you bad, can we talk ! Oh and he hasn’t called to ask for his clothes which I fear he will do . Just to feel me out on if I have moved on . It also makes me feel like he doesn’t care that much that he doesn’t even want his clothes . What do you think? I appresate your help. I’m good overall . I’m hangibg in there . I think it’s because he hurt me so bad and I’m burned out of him pushing me away . I’m positive he’s self sabotaging . Can no contact fix’s that ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 25, 2018 at 3:06 am

      You are right Debra. And it happens. Some guys, for all kinds of reasons, will blow up their relationship. Its sort of a self toxic form of behavior. I am glad you are finding some peace. I think NC as practiced in the way I talk about in my program will help immensely. Its as much for you as it is for the guy to learn, recovery, and come to appreciate your value. Go to my home page and tap into the tools and program resources.

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