Making your ex miss you is an important part of trying to win them back (assuming that is what you are going for.) A few weeks ago a coaching client of mine asked a really interesting question,

Chris, I realize that the no contact rule is designed to help make your ex miss you but is there anything else I can do to raise the chances of this happening?

That’s a great question!

In fact, it was so good that I decided to craft a whole post about it.

So, that’s what this article is. I’m going to teach you three things that you can do, on top of the no contact rule, so that you can ensure that you are doing everything you can to make your ex miss you.

The Three Most Effective Ways To Make Your Ex Miss You During No Contact

Before I begin writing every article on this website it undergoes a pretty intense research process.

Usually I come up with a few hypotheses and either try to prove them or disprove them. I’m a big believer in using research so that over time we can guarantee that we are getting to the bottom of the best way to get an ex back.

Anyways, when it came time to look for the most effective ways to make an ex miss you during a no contact rule only three strategies made the cut.

  1. Stay disciplined and actually finishing the no contact rule
  2. Make your ex believe they’ve lost you forever
  3. Utilize subliminal messaging

What I’d like to do now is take an in-depth look at how you need to employ these three strategies.

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1. Staying Disciplined And Actually Finishing The No Contact Rule

I was planning on making a big speech about this because this is something that I drill over and over again in my book but I figured before I start doing that you probably need a quick primer on what the no contact rule actually is.

In short, the no contact rule is a specific strategy that you employ when you are trying to get your ex back. You basically ignore your ex for a period of time on purpose with the intent of making them miss you.

I’ve written about it a lot and have even written an entire book about it.

Oh, I’ve even filmed a lot of videos about it too,

(If those things won’t teach you about the no contact rule I don’t know what will.)

Of course, explaining the no contact rule isn’t why I’m writing this section. Instead, I’d like to talk to you about the people who fail the no contact rule.

In my experience around 80% of the clients that I work with end up failing the no contact rule.

Now, just so we are speaking the same language when I talk about “failing the no contact rule” I’m talking about people not completing it.

The Problem With Not Completing The No Contact Rule And How It Makes Your Ex Miss You

The no contact rule utilizes two important psychological principles that really make it effective.

  1. The scarcity principle
  2. Reactance

Here’s a quick crash course on those principles for those of you who want me to get to the point.

The Scarcity Principle: We are drawn to things that are scarce. The perceived attractiveness of those things are raised when we learn there aren’t many left.

Reactance: When freedoms are taken from us human beings will do everything in their power to get that freedom back. So, with no contact you are depriving your ex of their freedom to talk to you and they will likely react in was to get that freedom back

Together these two concepts do much of the work to make the no contact rule so effective.

There’s just one problem.

As stated above, 80% of the clients I work with fail the no contact rule.

Now, what does that mean?

Well, it means that when they set a goal to ignore their ex for 30 days straight they end up contacting them or responding to them on day 10 and then day 15 and then day 25 until they finally get to day 30 and they proclaim to the world,

“I finished no contact”

No….

You actually failed no contact.

Sleeping Example

Consider for a moment this scenario.

Let’s say you have two people,

Person A and Person B.

Now, these two people are identical in every way except one.

Person A gets 8 hours of sleep at night that is uninterrupted while Person B still gets 8 hours of sleep but is interrupted 6 times and wakes up each of those times.

Who do you think will be more productive the next day from an energy perspective?

Person A, right?

Well, breaking the no contact rule early is a lot like becoming Person B. You are interrupting the natural process that the no contact rule is supposed to enact.

And to further reiterate that point I’d like to move on to my second point.

2. Making Your Ex Believe They’ve Lost You Forever

Last night, while I was doing the dishes my wife walked up to me and began venting about someone in our private facebook group who wasn’t exactly taking her advice. Now, the thing you have to know about my wife is that she probably spends more time talking one on one with people than I do (crazy, right?)

While I was commiserating with her on the fact that this particular person wasn’t taking her advice she said something very insightful.

I was trying to explain to this person that our entire process emulates moving on.

Now, you may read that statement and literally pull one of these,

But I promise you that her observation is 100% spot on. Look, I’ve been doing this for most of the decade and I’ve learned a lot in that time.

What never ceases to amaze me is the fact that often when women try to hard to get their exes back they fail. However, it’s when they get pushed to a point where they are going to give up that they start to get results.

When I brought this up to my wife last night she nodded her head in agreement and added on that you can’t fake “moving on” and sometimes that is the very thing you need to convince an ex of in order for them to take you seriously.

I know it sounds so counter-intuitive.

You came here wanting advice on how to get your ex back and we simply say “move on.”

I try to teach people to look at it differently.

Instead of viewing it as moving on from your ex I say to view it as “moving on without moving on” because make no mistake about it while we have found a thread of success in “moving on” everything we advise people to do is done with the intent of winning that person back.

The Problem With “Moving On Without Moving On”

Like I said above, I’ve been doing this for a very long time which means I’ve seen how people interact with our content.

I see the things they like to read about…

And the things they don’t…

I also see what strategies people put into practice.

The big problem I see with “moving on without moving on” is the fact that no one does it. We are slaves to our own desires and we desire our exes. Moving on requires you to work on not desiring your ex and that is really hard for people to do.

In fact, it’s when men and women lose all hope that they start to see results because that’s when they essentially give up.

So, here is my challenge to you.

During your no contact period rather than obsessing about your ex do everything you can to pretend to be moving on. Make it look at authentic as possible. I would get into details but honestly I cover this in-depth in my articles on social media.

3. Utilize Subliminal Messaging

Do you like ninjas?

I do…

I have no idea why I am talking about that other than the fact that I believe that what I am about to teach you comes as close to a “ninja technique” as I have ever seen.

Subliminal messages are stimuli that lie below our threshold of conscious awareness

The idea is that if you can interest the stimuli in your ex related to you, you can hijack his thoughts without ever having a direct conversation with him.

I’ll give you an example.

In 1999 a test was performed to further understand subliminal messaging.

The participants were present at a liquor store and researchers found that when German music was played German wine sales increased and when French music was played French wine sales increased.

So, what happened here?

Well, the music served as a sort of catalyst that caused the wine most closely related to the type of music to be more attractive to people.

How does this relate to the no contact rule?

One of the biggest fears that people have when they begin a period of no contact is that they think their ex is going to forget them (I’ve never seen it happen.) However, if you are terrified of this then subliminal messaging is your best friend.

Finding Your Catalyst 

In the example above I talked about how music raised wine sales. In that example “music” was a catalyst meant to interest the stimuli beneath our consciousness which in turn makes particular types of wines more attractive.

What we need to do for you now is find a catalyst for you to use during the no contact rule so that you will appear a more attractive option for your ex when your period of no contact ends. Oh, and it’ll have that added benefit of making your ex miss you more.

Here’s the tricky part, your catalyst can’t be a result of a conversation you have with your ex.

It has to be something a bit removed from you and sometimes even out of your control.

Any ideas?

The best one I’ve been able to find has been the use of social media.

It’s been well documented on this website that after a breakup close to 90% of exes will “stalk” their exes on social media (Facebook being the most popular social media site for this.)

A few years ago someone in our Private Facebook Group had the brilliant idea to use Facebook in tandem with some subliminal messaging.

Her theory was simple,

If I’m at the top of my exes Facebook news feed every time he logs on it’s going to force him to think about me constantly during the no contact rule and eventually he will miss me so much he is going to want to see me.

Her theory proved to be correct and she did eventually get him back.

However, she had to do a few things first. In order to guarantee that she would be at the top of the Facebook news feed she ended up hiring a social media company to help improve the social signals to her posts so that it’s always at the top for him.

It was a brilliant catalyst.

You just need to find yours!

Sources And Citations

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31 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Miss You During No Contact”

  1. Jess

    August 17, 2018 at 6:47 am

    Hey Chris, so I was with my ex for almost 1.5 years and we were inseparable, we were so in love and together literally every single day. I think that may have been the problem, I became very codependent/sort of clingy/needy because I moved to Australia from Canada and did not know anyone else (met him 2 weeks after moving), I was fighting and arguing about stuff that did not need to be argued about. I regret my actions and the way I reacted as I can be hot headed and he likes no drama. We had an amazing relationship, our families knew marriage was discussed, but he said the past few months he has been unhappy and was thinking about leaving me. When he did break up with me said we were from two different worlds, that we aren’t right for each other, that he would be happier without me, that he couldn’t do this for the rest of his life, the arguing the fighting- he thinks its my mentality and I will never change and doubt him/be insecure etc not independent. I know I lost myself recently because I was very independent but then I was always with him and spent legit 5-6 days/nights with him. I felt like a burden and noticed a change in his behavior at the end of May. I regret how I handled many situations and I should have thought twice before choosing my battles. But he looked me in the face and said his perception of me has changes/he doesn’t love me the way he used to/doesn’t love me anymore. He will never ever get back together with me, and the problem is there is still alot of my stuff at his house. He asked me to have my address changed etc. I have started the NC and it’s only been like 2 days- we broke up a week ago – I spoke to your coach Anna – I just feel like I don’t know what to do or if theres even a chance because he is so stubborn and he’s obviously been unhappy for a while. He told me even if things he doesn’t care he never wants to get back. What should I even do!?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 1:48 pm

      Hi Jess!

      So you both have been together for a good spell and it went really. So there is a good foundation before things got off track. NC is the right move so you can recover and also work on reinforcing your value. Guy say things that later that realize were really stupid. So believe in the process and focus on your own recovery. That is very important.

  2. Phoebe

    August 15, 2018 at 8:00 am

    Hi Chris,
    I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and this was the second time he’s ended things with me. The first was a month ago so I started no contact and he begged for me back after 3 days. However, it’s happened again. His excuse was that he needed to concentrate on his degree as he’s a nurse and it’s long and stressful hours. His mum died 6 months ago and he’s had a rough childhood so I think the breakup is a lot to do with his mental state at the moment. We agreed to meet up this weekend to talk but I decided I needed space for this week before we do that, I’ve started no contact a couple of days ago and he’s already messaged me but I’m worried he’s trying to friend zone me and then still tell me it’s over when I see him this weekend. If I’m doing no contact which I’m on day 3 of, shall I just ignore him and not meet him this weekend even though we’ve arranged to? I’m stuck please help 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:43 pm

      Hi Phoebe!

      It seems things are a bit difficult with him personal life given his see saw behavior. I would suggest you reach out to him and let him know you you need some space for a good spell to process things and focus on your own recovery and encourage him to do the same. Sort of giving him a heads up that you are in NC, so you are perceived as taking the high road.

  3. Renne

    August 13, 2018 at 6:21 pm

    Hello again! So I have been no contact for about 2 and a half weeks and have run into my ex at a karaoke bar. I saw his friend come in while I was walking out to take a call and then saw my ex outside looking at the building to hide his face. I wasn’t 100% sure it was him but I walked by slowly and observed but then looked away to take the call. I then saw them both walk out and down the street. So, he avoided me. I also found out that he is still friends with all my family members and even likes their posts. He also looks at my sisters Instagram posts and stories (that have me in them) but not mine. I feel a little hurt like he is just treating me as a friend when we never talked about being friends. I even told him at one point in time in our relationship that I could never be friends with an ex especially if I still loved him. I don’t know why he is doing this. My sister thinks its weird that an ex would still take a chance to look at her story when I am still in them. sigh…

  4. Amanda

    August 8, 2018 at 10:48 am

    Hi.. So my boyfriend and I have been having long distance but our relationship have always been amazing,sweet,happy and always puts in effort. Until May.. His new shop opened and I got busy with my own schedule.. We stopped communicating and being there for one another. So we drifted apart. I thought I was falling out of love. I flew back to be in the same country with him and I confessed that I MIGHT be falling out of love and we don’t put in mutual effort.. He asks if I wanted a breakup. I told him no, I just wanted to fix a problem. Asking if he sees the problem.

    After that talk he became a complete different person, cold, unapproachable and doesn’t want to talk.. The next day he confessed saying it could be true that he might be falling out of love with me as well.. I panicked. I realize that’s not the case for me I fear of losing him so much.. I do love this man

    WE planned a trip months ago and left with 2 weeks to go together. The night before we fly off, he asks me to not go with him. Let him go alone. I was crushed and he admit he was selfish but he needed time and space by himself. But I couldn’t let him be cause I fear this would be the end.. This trip was my only chance to save our relationship.. We compromised and agreed within the 7 days trip. I’ll leave him alone for the last 3 days by himself..

    When we left to the trip.. He would look unhappy and doesn’t want to talk etcetc. I tried my very best.. I felt exhausted dating a split personality. He would be distant during the day but night he would open up to me and hug me… The next day repeat.. After giving him his own 3 days space alone.. We met at the airport and he rejects all physical affection. Nothing. The rejection hurts so much but he wouldn’t break up.

    I moved out. He doesn’t bother asking how am I doing or where do I live.. I was homeless.. Jobless.. And in a country where I only have him but he abandoned me. He texted me the day I moved out as if nth happened and I was angry so I was cold to him. And since then he doesn’t want to talk to me.

    I asked him out for dates but he ignores me or say he’s too busy. When I go out with my own friends, I bumped into him drinking with another girl I was crushed. We talked and he said he didn’t find someone new but.. He doesn’t put in any effort, hes hot and cold. We talked and now he’s okay with going movies with me.. Holding my hands and all but it is all demanded by me. He wouldn’t say I love you or anything… But he doesn’t want to breakup.

    I wanted to give up, so I ignored him after days of him being so hot and cold to me.. Then he came looking for me. He came talking to me only when he wants to and all. He’d text but stop the conversation whenever he wants or ignores me whenever he feel like it.

    I was so hurt I couldn’t stand waiting around everyday for his text and having to force physical affection being with someone that can’t even say he love me.

    I told him this isn’t going anywhere if its going to be the way it is for the longest time. I plead I begged I cry everyday and I just wanted to let go.

    So I ask him to make up his mind and ill give us both space and time. Let’s not contact each other. So now we’re in no conyact phase.. But I worry he might find this other girl again that he’s been texting and drinking with… What do I do

  5. Elina

    August 5, 2018 at 12:56 pm

    Hi Chris!

    My boyfriend broke up with me on the 1st of July, out of blue, we were together for 3,5 years and were really young while we started seeing each other (17), everything was great – literally everything, we didn’t fight, we had similar interests, hobbies, there were really no problems in our relationship. Since he went to work as a chef, everyone started to see a different behavior in him – easily irritated over everything, couldn’t sleep well and so on, families thought for a minute that maybe he’s on steroids since he loves to work out, but that wasn’t the case. So one day he came home and told me that he wanted to be single and see other women, out of the blue. He told me that he loved me and wouldn’t change a thing about me, but he wants to be single and there is no other reason in our relationship for that, that he was happy with me and that nobody knows the future and maybe instead of splitting our ways totally (he and I want to stay friends, since we literally have grown to be a family) we’d move in together in the future. Everyone (even his best friends, father and sisters who he is really close to) was in shock and didn’t see it coming, neither did I. Also, he is really stubborn, so if he has something in his mind, he needs to get it done. I begged him back, he agreed to try for a month, but said that he has his mind set on breaking up, but that we’d make this month the best that we can, that we’d do things that we haven’t before etc. Everything was perfect, he was loving and caring as usual and so on, but still he said that his mind is set. Also our relationship has always been 110% honest and that’s why we had a good and stabile relationship, so I believe him about there not being any other woman, but everything started when he went to work in a restaurant. He has ditched most of his friends and only speaks and hangs out w his coworkers and plays video games, everyone is really worried about him and sees that he’s in some weird crisis. I ended our month, because it made me realize, that he won’t be back and he wants to move on, I ended it on the 16th of July, we both cried like children and he told me that it actually would hurt him to see me with somebody else, but knows that he wants to be single, but still wants to know that he loves me a lot. Also he told me (when he was drunk) that he was a little bored in our relationship, so it’s probably the actual reason why he did that. We are both 20 years old. I would understand it if our relationship wasn’t good, but it really was very good and I love him with all of my heart. I started no contact on the 20th of July and right now he hasn’t written me, but likes all of my social media pics and so on. Also before NC he said that he really wants to be friends and he knows that it takes a lot of time, but that if I’m ready, I should write to him. So maybe he wants to give me time. All of our friends do not understand in any way, why would he do that. I really want him back, but since I’m a uni student and currently not working I don’t have the funds to buy your book. I really hope that you can help me.

    Lot’s of love from Estonia!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 5, 2018 at 6:29 pm

      Hi Estonia!

      You have some advantages in that you two were together a good period of time and that creates positive traction which comes in handy later when you try to reconnect. Some guys do things that are hard to explain and their words and decisions are not always in their best interest. Going forward, you want to have an ex recovery plan. I talk about all of that on my home page. So go visit me there and read up on some of the tools, eBooks, and other resources you can use to better optimize your chances.

  6. LL

    August 4, 2018 at 1:49 am

    Hey Chris! Today is NC Day 8 and my POI just messaged me saying, “I’m really sorry. I wish I could be with you if my mental health is in a totally different place…I can’t be with anyone…I’m lost.” We really like each other and at the same time, I recognize it is not my responsibility to save him. I feel he needs to sort through his internal demons on his own. Preferably w/ a professional. I can only continue to inspire him – now from afar, by continuing to be my beautiful and radiant self. I have your ebook and I’m wondering if NC would apply the same way for someone w/ depression? I feel like he will just go down the rabbit hole, even deeper. I could always check in when NC period is over but just wanted to get your input. Thanks, xx!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 4, 2018 at 2:33 am

      Great job LL!

      I agree with your thoughts. That is what NC is for. To also help the ex find their way to some sensible thinking. I think in the case when someone’s attitude is more depressed, you would want to be more flexible in the sense that if you are getting multiple positive messages (and depending on other factors) you could cut short the NC period and try to build on the positive line of communication. I talk about this extensively in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”.

  7. Tina

    August 1, 2018 at 10:54 am

    Hey Chris much appreciated for your reply. The thing is I only implemented no contact last week after he told me never to contact him. He’s blocked me on my personal number and not on my work number, he could’ve but I wouldn’t know. Anyway when he saw me, that was on day 1 of no contact and then he saw me again on day 5 of no contact. On day 3 I accidentally sent that request. He’s most probably going to think I’m stalking him or something? That’s why I’m asking if no contact is broken because it was early days. I just have no hope anymore. Because he’s blocked me, I just don’t know what to do, I haven’t blocked him on Instagram or WhatsApp

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 2, 2018 at 3:36 am

      Don’t worry about the technicality of if NC was broken as you are still in the very early stages of NC. Your focus should be on the healing part of NC. Focusing on your own recovery and feeling more empowered and realizing that you really don’t need to count on him to be happy. You get to that place, then you are empowered

  8. Sarah

    August 1, 2018 at 3:28 am

    I started no contact at 2.5 months after an initial no contact of 2 weeks. Then we remained in contact about once a week with me contacting him to start with then him me. The last time we spoke we went and had coffe he apologised for how things happened and I told him not to be sorry I told him that the breakup needed to happen and at this stage I can’t be friends with him, not yet anyway. That night and the next week he posted a whole heap of sappy suggestive stuff on fb even though he said he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone. I have been in no contact for 4.5 weeks now, I haven’t heard from him and have been doing my own thing. He reacts to everything I put on fb but I don’t to his. Where do I go from here? Do I keep no contact and see if he breaks? Do I just leave it and move on? Do I give it another couple of weeks and then contact him?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 1, 2018 at 3:47 am

      My best recommendation Sarah is to take a good look at picking up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” because you have many questions I am so limited here as to how much in depth I can answer them. I wrote the book to help provide a sort of blueprint people can follow so they know what to do and how and when. You can simply go to my website home page and find a list of my ebooks and many other resources!

  9. Tina

    July 31, 2018 at 4:49 pm

    Hi Chris! So yesterday when I was driving on the motorway, I think he saw me and I definitely saw him. I’m not sure if he knows I saw him. He tried to stay back a little. Does that mean my I’ve broken my no contact? Also remember when I accidentally sent him an Instagram follow request two days ago? He blocked me. Does that also mean my no contact is broken? Also Chris last year on the site you had a calendar of social media, and what to post on particular days. I can’t find that anymore. Where is it?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 31, 2018 at 10:25 pm

      No, you did not break NC. Probably a good thing. I will look into the social media calendar

  10. P. B

    July 31, 2018 at 10:39 am

    Thank you Chris!
    The problem is that everytime I did NC happened the same: he texted (usually on day 30, I don’t know why) more affectionate, I started to build rapport and when he was closer he backed again. I feel he is always restraining himself to get attached to me and then he takes a step and after that…he chages and become distant. I use to be nice but not affectionate, I don’t react to his plans too much, just like “oh, not bad, could be funny” because I don’t want to scare him and still…
    I need to become his priority, his crush. I need him to stop holding himself back. I don’t know if that’s the distance (hates LDR) or what… And I am afraid this time he doesn’t text. He always did even if it took a month and even a month and a half once (and he texted to tell me that he was thinking about me and wanted me to know). But if he met another girl, if he has a crush on another girl I can’t get his attention. I am in the second week of NC but when the day 30 comes I don’t want to text him, he “rejected” me last time backing of from things he proposed and I can’t initiate. I need him to miss me but until now the circle repeated itself and now I am afraid he moved on for good

  11. hana

    July 31, 2018 at 10:24 am

    its around 7 weeks with no contact , as i told i unblock him few days ago from Instagram . and he received a message that i wrote before blocking him it was saying that i worry about him but he never feel and that i also really hate him now ,he answered me with a long message yesterday saying that he gave me his all and now its in the past and he dont care if i hate him or not and he just wish me to find happiness and he wish for everyone in his past and asked me to go and live my life . because its pointless to try anything with me because what we have done is only fighting .and i gave him only bad vibe
    i answered also with a sort of long message firstly i said that i have sent that last time we fight and i dont know why he is answering now .. then i said other things
    then his messages get shorter
    then i asked why he came back to whatsapp .if he needed to tell me something

    he said its for someone else i told him so u was lying to me and he change peole as he change his clothes .
    he said its a male friend and new

    i asked few stuff and his answers was short
    at the end i told him i need to go to buy some things and let him enjoy with his new friend
    he just simply said ” you too ”

    please just tell me from your experience does he really care inside and he dont show it ? or from his acts looks like he have nothing for me ?
    should i leave and save my dignity ?
    iam thinkig to just send him a message telling ” sure i will .. find new people as it was easy as did
    till u see what u missed “

  12. renee

    July 30, 2018 at 10:22 pm

    Hello! So during the breakup he said he doesn’t think that I am the one and he can see himself getting married to me but divorcing years after. He also said that he loves me, cares for me (not as a friend) and relies on me a lot more than I think. We both said I love you and that we will miss each other (he said he would miss me more) and he said that we just need to grow. (I made the comment that I wanted to grow together but he didn’t really want to do that with me since he had more life and dating experience) this was then I guess a mutual break up (idk) and we stopped talking. I missed him so much and after about 4 days or so I accidentally waved at him on Fb messenger (it was seriously an accident, trust me) I deleted it right after hoping it didn’t go through and all looked good. Hours later he says, “please do not message me at all in the immediate future.” I told him I didn’t, he mentioned the wave, then I told him that I was sorry it made him uncomfortable but he didn’t need to be rude or give an attitude and should have just ignored it. Why did he act that way? and immediate future sounded harsh. How long would that imply?
    ** most of this relationship was LD but we broke up a few days before I moved back and we had ups and downs and breaks throughout it** I am just confused. Thank you!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 31, 2018 at 12:42 am

      Hello Renee!

      So it looks like you would benefit by having a comprehensive ex recovery plan. There are a lot of moving pieces when trying to get an ex back. You have been dealing with some rude behavior, but know that people are rarely on their best behavior when the relationship is waffling. Go to my home page and check out some of the ebooks that will help you with a blueprint on how to move forward!

  13. hana

    July 30, 2018 at 6:59 pm

    hello ,
    i have text before asking what should i do . it has been 7 weeks with no contract( 9th of june) just in 20 of june i contact with his friend to make sure he is fine .
    and he messaged me telling me ” to stop and just leave like you said ”
    and i ignored him
    he never messaged back .
    just close to my birthday date he activated his whatsapp again ( he was telling me he was using this app to contact with me only ) but i dont feel he really care or he came for me
    few days ago i have unblocked him on Instagram
    today i liked one of his photos by mistake and unlike it again i dont know if he got the notification
    should i send him something like ” so you back again on whatsapp ? ” iam sure he will reply whatever i send but i dont feel ok sending the first message
    or should i wait more with no contact ? but im scared because our relation wasnt so strong . he was telling me iam all he have .. but we have been talking 4 months only with a LDR and we was arguing from time to time and he was always having problem making first step easily
    or it seems something hopeless and he did not care from beggining? because theres no sign that he care

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 31, 2018 at 12:46 am

      Hi Hana!

      It depends on how long you have been in No Contact. Better to grow attraction in subtle ways for the whole period of NC, then use my program steps to advance to texting and all the other things you should be doing. Have you picked up my eBook? It will really help you.

  14. P. B

    July 30, 2018 at 5:03 pm

    I am in NC but it’s not my first one. A year and a half since break up, we were in a LDR but we lived kinda near, now he lives across the country. I tried to build rapport and each time he was feeling comfortable, he got distant. At first I chased a bit, never gnating but initiating conversations, proposing to meet… It didn’t work. In one sincere conversation he told me he didn’t want complications in his life. About meeting in person, he told me “sure, one day but not now (a year after the break up). And when I want, you may not want anymore, I’d have to live with that”. Another NC and he texted. We entered in a loop: building rapport, he got closer, he proposed things to do together by distance and just after saying, before it happened, he backed again. I didn’t initiate, I waited. Now I’m in one of that kinda NC but I’m afraid he never come back. Three weeks ago we was proposing facetiming and saying he was happy, two days after saying it he said that better not now. Everytime he came back to texting I was nice but not affectionate, I was cool and kinda distant, like “whatever” even if I was hurt, because I didn’t want to scare him off. But he scared himself. Also I am afraid he may have met another girl. I don’t know what to do. Two weeks since he told got distant and even didn’t answer to my last text (I was responding to a question he had made). I’m not initiating, obviously, buy I’m afraid he never text again and date another girl. My friends say that he always texts again and this is one of that times he give a step towards me and then ten steps back. But I don’t know how to break that circle and how to make him miss me (of course I’m following this article but since it wasn’t the first time and we spent a month without talking other times) and I am.afraid he met another girl… I don’t know if it will be enough

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 31, 2018 at 12:49 am

      Hi P.B.!

      So there is a lot going on here. A bit of off and on, with him getting distant again. The way to break the cycle is to employ No Contact. You cannot live in fear as you can’t control what he chooses to do. But you can work on your self recovery needs and advance your ex recovery program. Go to my home page of this site and tap into some of the tools and resources.

  15. Tina

    July 29, 2018 at 7:09 pm

    Hi Chris thanks for your reply. I was going through the resources: I find it confusing from last year, no idea why. I will try and work it out. The thing is: I feel like he hates me and just doesn’t want to know. I’ve tried to do no contact but I always break it after a week or so. I have no idea what to do now as I heard no contact becomes less effective. I only have WhatsApp and Instagram. He’s blocked me on both now. So how do I attract him if he’s blocked me from everywhere and how long should I do no contact for again?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 29, 2018 at 10:36 pm

      Your welcome Tina!

      The NC period is different for every situation. It can range 14 to 45 days. 21 days is fairly common. But one can modify it as well if you ex makes notable efforts to reach out in a positive way. But for you to heal and build value, such that he notices (and most guys will be keeping on their ex) you need to complete the entire NC period. So I have all the tools here from which you can choose to help you come up with your ex recovery plan so you know what to do and when and why!

  16. Tina

    July 29, 2018 at 10:46 am

    Hi Chris please help me. Basically I was in a friends with benefits kind of relationship with someone from March til May. It kinda got serious and I got pregnant. Anyway had termination and in May we had an argument, I bombarded him with messages and he basically told me he hated me and blocked me on WhatsApp. After that, we met up twice after that, I think he’s seen me around a couple of times too, he blocked me on phone too, and told me he has a gf. He said he feels guilty for cheating but then called me a few days later to tell me that he saw me around and what I was doing. Last night I accidentally sent him a friend request on Instagram. He’s blocked me now. Argh I feel stupid. What do I do now because I read your article on blocking and I don’t think he will ever block me? What the hell its wrong with him? What do I do? I’m blocked everywhere

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 29, 2018 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Tina!

      Sometimes guys can be cruel and say and do mean things. Fear sometimes drives this behavior. Hopefully that is it and he is not just a bad guy. You should go visit my website home page and check into all the resources I make available to people to help them with their situation. You need to have a game plan to better your chances and I have written books and have done webinars all about that. Being blocked is not the end of things. That can change back. But healing and doing things to better recovery is your first priority.

  17. Evedney

    July 28, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    So how will exposing myself on social media make him miss me am I not suppose to be scarce?
    I feel like he will think I’m trying to get him to notice Me….he thinks I won’t ever get over him guess he is right.Or how long before I start this social media posting?

    I am pregnant…so I also can’t be all and about because it’s humiliating for me to be dumped and pregnant with my third child and no marriage.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 29, 2018 at 1:37 am

      Hi Evedney!

      That is how attraction works…using it in a subtle way coupled with scarcity.

  18. Lucy

    July 28, 2018 at 3:29 pm

    I’m really really scared that I won’t be able to get him back and that he’s moved on. I get the feeling that the reason he broke up with me was because I kept doubting if he loved me or if I loved him. He told me a week after the break up that he wants to stay friends, that he doesn’t love me anymore and can’t have a relationship with me. I’ve tried the no contact rule, but it hasn’t really been working very well… I get the feeling that he was way sadder right after we broke up… in between he seemed happier, now he seems sad again. A friend told me he looks sad all the time. I’ve noticed him staring a lot more when I ignore him completely, but also does things that make it seem absolutely hopeless (giving me my stuff back, telling a friend he really doesn’t want a relationship). Do I still have a chance at getting him back? I truly believe he loves me (even if he’s trying to convince himself of otherwise), but I think I spammed him so much and made him feel really awful during the last three months of our 10 month relationship.