Making your ex miss you is an important part of trying to win them back (assuming that is what you are going for.) A few weeks ago a coaching client of mine asked a really interesting question,

Chris, I realize that the no contact rule is designed to help make your ex miss you but is there anything else I can do to raise the chances of this happening?

That’s a great question!

In fact, it was so good that I decided to craft a whole post about it.

So, that’s what this article is. I’m going to teach you three things that you can do, on top of the no contact rule, so that you can ensure that you are doing everything you can to make your ex miss you.

The Three Most Effective Ways To Make Your Ex Miss You During No Contact

Before I begin writing every article on this website it undergoes a pretty intense research process.

Usually I come up with a few hypotheses and either try to prove them or disprove them. I’m a big believer in using research so that over time we can guarantee that we are getting to the bottom of the best way to get an ex back.

Anyways, when it came time to look for the most effective ways to make an ex miss you during a no contact rule only three strategies made the cut.

  1. Stay disciplined and actually finishing the no contact rule
  2. Make your ex believe they’ve lost you forever
  3. Utilize subliminal messaging

What I’d like to do now is take an in-depth look at how you need to employ these three strategies.

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1. Staying Disciplined And Actually Finishing The No Contact Rule

I was planning on making a big speech about this because this is something that I drill over and over again in my book but I figured before I start doing that you probably need a quick primer on what the no contact rule actually is.

In short, the no contact rule is a specific strategy that you employ when you are trying to get your ex back. You basically ignore your ex for a period of time on purpose with the intent of making them miss you.

I’ve written about it a lot and have even written an entire book about it.

Oh, I’ve even filmed a lot of videos about it too,

(If those things won’t teach you about the no contact rule I don’t know what will.)

Of course, explaining the no contact rule isn’t why I’m writing this section. Instead, I’d like to talk to you about the people who fail the no contact rule.

In my experience around 80% of the clients that I work with end up failing the no contact rule.

Now, just so we are speaking the same language when I talk about “failing the no contact rule” I’m talking about people not completing it.

The Problem With Not Completing The No Contact Rule And How It Makes Your Ex Miss You

The no contact rule utilizes two important psychological principles that really make it effective.

  1. The scarcity principle
  2. Reactance

Here’s a quick crash course on those principles for those of you who want me to get to the point.

The Scarcity Principle: We are drawn to things that are scarce. The perceived attractiveness of those things are raised when we learn there aren’t many left.

Reactance: When freedoms are taken from us human beings will do everything in their power to get that freedom back. So, with no contact you are depriving your ex of their freedom to talk to you and they will likely react in was to get that freedom back

Together these two concepts do much of the work to make the no contact rule so effective.

There’s just one problem.

As stated above, 80% of the clients I work with fail the no contact rule.

Now, what does that mean?

Well, it means that when they set a goal to ignore their ex for 30 days straight they end up contacting them or responding to them on day 10 and then day 15 and then day 25 until they finally get to day 30 and they proclaim to the world,

“I finished no contact”

No….

You actually failed no contact.

Sleeping Example

Consider for a moment this scenario.

Let’s say you have two people,

Person A and Person B.

Now, these two people are identical in every way except one.

Person A gets 8 hours of sleep at night that is uninterrupted while Person B still gets 8 hours of sleep but is interrupted 6 times and wakes up each of those times.

Who do you think will be more productive the next day from an energy perspective?

Person A, right?

Well, breaking the no contact rule early is a lot like becoming Person B. You are interrupting the natural process that the no contact rule is supposed to enact.

And to further reiterate that point I’d like to move on to my second point.

2. Making Your Ex Believe They’ve Lost You Forever

Last night, while I was doing the dishes my wife walked up to me and began venting about someone in our private facebook group who wasn’t exactly taking her advice. Now, the thing you have to know about my wife is that she probably spends more time talking one on one with people than I do (crazy, right?)

While I was commiserating with her on the fact that this particular person wasn’t taking her advice she said something very insightful.

I was trying to explain to this person that our entire process emulates moving on.

Now, you may read that statement and literally pull one of these,

But I promise you that her observation is 100% spot on. Look, I’ve been doing this for most of the decade and I’ve learned a lot in that time.

What never ceases to amaze me is the fact that often when women try to hard to get their exes back they fail. However, it’s when they get pushed to a point where they are going to give up that they start to get results.

When I brought this up to my wife last night she nodded her head in agreement and added on that you can’t fake “moving on” and sometimes that is the very thing you need to convince an ex of in order for them to take you seriously.

I know it sounds so counter-intuitive.

You came here wanting advice on how to get your ex back and we simply say “move on.”

I try to teach people to look at it differently.

Instead of viewing it as moving on from your ex I say to view it as “moving on without moving on” because make no mistake about it while we have found a thread of success in “moving on” everything we advise people to do is done with the intent of winning that person back.

The Problem With “Moving On Without Moving On”

Like I said above, I’ve been doing this for a very long time which means I’ve seen how people interact with our content.

I see the things they like to read about…

And the things they don’t…

I also see what strategies people put into practice.

The big problem I see with “moving on without moving on” is the fact that no one does it. We are slaves to our own desires and we desire our exes. Moving on requires you to work on not desiring your ex and that is really hard for people to do.

In fact, it’s when men and women lose all hope that they start to see results because that’s when they essentially give up.

So, here is my challenge to you.

During your no contact period rather than obsessing about your ex do everything you can to pretend to be moving on. Make it look at authentic as possible. I would get into details but honestly I cover this in-depth in my articles on social media.

3. Utilize Subliminal Messaging

Do you like ninjas?

I do…

I have no idea why I am talking about that other than the fact that I believe that what I am about to teach you comes as close to a “ninja technique” as I have ever seen.

Subliminal messages are stimuli that lie below our threshold of conscious awareness

The idea is that if you can interest the stimuli in your ex related to you, you can hijack his thoughts without ever having a direct conversation with him.

I’ll give you an example.

In 1999 a test was performed to further understand subliminal messaging.

The participants were present at a liquor store and researchers found that when German music was played German wine sales increased and when French music was played French wine sales increased.

So, what happened here?

Well, the music served as a sort of catalyst that caused the wine most closely related to the type of music to be more attractive to people.

How does this relate to the no contact rule?

One of the biggest fears that people have when they begin a period of no contact is that they think their ex is going to forget them (I’ve never seen it happen.) However, if you are terrified of this then subliminal messaging is your best friend.

Finding Your Catalyst 

In the example above I talked about how music raised wine sales. In that example “music” was a catalyst meant to interest the stimuli beneath our consciousness which in turn makes particular types of wines more attractive.

What we need to do for you now is find a catalyst for you to use during the no contact rule so that you will appear a more attractive option for your ex when your period of no contact ends. Oh, and it’ll have that added benefit of making your ex miss you more.

Here’s the tricky part, your catalyst can’t be a result of a conversation you have with your ex.

It has to be something a bit removed from you and sometimes even out of your control.

Any ideas?

The best one I’ve been able to find has been the use of social media.

It’s been well documented on this website that after a breakup close to 90% of exes will “stalk” their exes on social media (Facebook being the most popular social media site for this.)

A few years ago someone in our Private Facebook Group had the brilliant idea to use Facebook in tandem with some subliminal messaging.

Her theory was simple,

If I’m at the top of my exes Facebook news feed every time he logs on it’s going to force him to think about me constantly during the no contact rule and eventually he will miss me so much he is going to want to see me.

Her theory proved to be correct and she did eventually get him back.

However, she had to do a few things first. In order to guarantee that she would be at the top of the Facebook news feed she ended up hiring a social media company to help improve the social signals to her posts so that it’s always at the top for him.

It was a brilliant catalyst.

You just need to find yours!

Sources And Citations

55 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Miss You During No Contact”

  1. Tina

    October 11, 2018 at 11:20 am

    Hi Chris. Please help. So I contact my FWB after 30 days of nc, only a brief convo – it went well. He had blocked from everything. Anyway called him after 3 weeks – we had an okay convo until at the end he asked why am I calling because if his gf finds out she will question him. I said that’s fine and I’d delete his number. He was like that’s for the best. Anyway he seems to lie a little – I found some stuff out. Anyway I was upset but a day later he unblocked me on WhatsApp, I changed my display pic and now he wants to see me to have some fun and nothing else. He was adamant to see me. Just don’t know what to work out right now because I had a miscarriage two months and it was his baby. I went through a rough time. What does this all mean? I’m so baffled – I thought he had a gf after me. Anyway he might change his mind and say he doesn’t want to see me anymore. Right now I’m just grateful for the fact he’s unblocked me on WhatsApp

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 12, 2018 at 3:10 am

      Hi Tina!

      You might want to take a closer look at my program to help you through this whole process. Go to my home page and make use of the tools and resources I have there. It seems he is still open to reuniting, but its best to have a sensible ex recovery plan

  2. Tefi

    October 2, 2018 at 5:02 pm

    Hi
    I have a question
    My ex was with a girl for almost two years. He never really stop looking for me, he showed up at my house etc and talked about us. The possibility and the feelings. Now he is single two months and we’ve been seeing each other but he stills thinks of the ex and now says he wants to be a single guy, go out with friends and FLIRTS eith other girls. I was shocked but continue to see him. But yesterday decided to tell him that there are boundaries and i will not be there while he does that no respect. He started calling because he said “he wanted to response to that that he has that right” but later he was busy and didnt told me anything. I started NC. Im afraid he continues eith other girls. What should i do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 3, 2018 at 1:20 am

      Hi Tefi!

      I agree. He needs to understand you have little to no tolerance for his insensitive flirting behavior. NC may help your ex realize many things.

  3. Danielle

    September 20, 2018 at 7:54 am

    I understand what you’re saying Chris but I’ve already completed no contact. How does it work for someone who has been blocked but I made a positive connection the other day? I find this site really confusing. Last year it was so simple and this year I feel as though I can’t find anything on your site anymore.

  4. Danielle

    September 20, 2018 at 12:47 am

    Hi Chris thanks for the reply. Truly appreciate it. So how long do I wait to see if he initiates? And what do I do if he doesn’t initiate? How long do I wait til I initiate? This is so hard as he still has me blocked everywhere. Surprised that he even spoke to me in a decent way by calling with no caller ID. I’m losing hope

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 20, 2018 at 12:50 am

      Hi again Danielle!

      Most NC periods run from 14 to 45 days. Check out my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as it dives deep into this subject. The sweet spot for a lot of people is around 21 days…but varies depending on many factors and whether you modify the ex recovery plan depends on many factors.

  5. Danielle

    September 18, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    Hi Chris. So I completed 30 days of no contact. I contacted ‘my friends with benefits guy’ after 32 days. I called him with no caller ID as he has still got me blocked. It was a one min convo, it was an okay convo, he asked who it was, I told him and then asked him how he is and called to see how he was doing. He asked me how I was. Then he was like are you going to drop a bombshell, because remember when I said i was pregnant. I was like no I promise you. Then he was like I’m making sure. I did say that I’m sorry for hurting him, he basically repeated everything I said. Asked about him family too. Anyway eventually I said I’m gonna let him get on, and I said to take care, he said it back and that was that. Now what do I do because remember he has me blocked from everything? Maybe he was just nice for the sake of it because I called him out of the blue. I don’t know. Where do I go from here, can I even build rapport from this?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 19, 2018 at 12:10 am

      Hi Danielle!

      So you made a connection and it was generally positive. Pull back awhile and see if he initiates anything.

  6. Sally

    September 11, 2018 at 5:54 pm

    The thing is he’s in a different country and will be joining me on Nov. November is not too far, though I’m getting slightly impatient. Impatient cos I miss him so much. I want to get his attention so much but I don’t want to create drama and all that. I reduce my availability to him, to the extent of putting any notifications from watsapp on mute mode. I had a few missed calls and some messages. He’s the kind of guy that doesn’t want to show that he really wants me badly. Maybe it’s how men operates or …male ego? Kinda hard decipher his actions. Please help me with this.

  7. Sally

    September 11, 2018 at 3:21 am

    Hi Chris,

    Im not in a tiff with my husband. Can I use no contact to make my husband desire me? If it is, what’s the no contact rule will be like?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 11, 2018 at 3:27 am

      Hi Sally….I think there are other, better tactics to arouse your husband.

  8. Danielle

    September 8, 2018 at 11:00 am

    Hi Chris. But technically we were friends with benefits since March. We just argued a lot pretty much so how would he compare me with his girlfriend? To be honest I think he’s always had a girlfriend. I don’t think I mean anything to him even though I got pregnant by him. Haven’t seen him in 1 and a half months but haven’t been in contact for 21 days. What do I do? I feel lost as I’m blocked from everywhere. I’ve looked on your site about things. Did you manage to find the timeline of posting?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 9, 2018 at 5:21 am

      Hi Danielle…probably best to continue in NC as well as pull back and give yourself time to reflect on if you wish to invest any more of yourself in this person. He seems to be focused on self interest.

  9. Danielle

    September 7, 2018 at 6:29 pm

    Hi Chris thanks for your reply. But what am I meant to do when the 28 days of no contact is up because he has blocked me from everywhere. However I haven’t blocked me from anywhere. I feel like he doesn’t care and most prob isn’t checking up on me as he already has a girlfriend. I’m feeling drained. He knows I had a miscarriage and not once did he call to find out to see how I am. Before he told me to stop contacting me and etc, he said so much stuff like he hates me. When I think about it, it hurts. I’m on 21 days of no contact and I don’t feel that he doesn’t miss me at all. Please help. I’m alwahs posting photos of me smiling on Instagram but he’s also blocked me on that so not sure if he will ever see

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 7, 2018 at 10:55 pm

      Hi Danielle!

      I understand and you may be right, but guys can be notorious about stalking their ex, particularly when they start having a few little issues with whoever they may be dating. They starting comparing and that leads them to check up on you.

  10. Taylor

    September 6, 2018 at 5:49 am

    Hey Chris,

    So shortly before my ex ended things his grandmother passed away. I know when the memorial is and was thinking about texting him to just say a brief “thinking about you and your family today, hope y’all are doing alright” and leaving it at that. Would this appropriate for first contact? Also, is it too soon? It would have only been about 3 weeks since he ended things.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 7, 2018 at 4:12 am

      Hi Taylor!

      I think that is a good idea.

  11. Danielle

    September 4, 2018 at 2:33 pm

    I’m on 18 days of no contact and for the past 5 days I’ve been positing on instagram. Right now I feel so down, extra down. He hasn’t unblocked me from anything, he’s most prob having an amazing time without me and meeting up with his gf. I know we weren’t in a relationship but a friends with benefits kinda thing but will he miss me? I feel like calling him with no number but that wouldn’t work, he’d most prob have a go at me. I feel down and don’t feel good enough. And after the termination he hasn’t even bothered to call once to see how I am. Does a guy not feel any remorse or guilt?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 4, 2018 at 9:19 pm

      Hi Danielle!

      Guys do feel that….all people do, but some folks just push it away. NC requires patience and is not an inactive process. There are things you should be doing for your own personal recovery.

  12. Danielle

    August 24, 2018 at 2:25 pm

    Hi Chris thanks for the reply. I have been in no contact for 7 days now. I haven’t posted anything on Instagram yet or WhatsApp. He’s blocked me fully. Do you think I should start posting on social media? Or wait due to my miscarriage. Sometimes I feel down because it doesn’t affect him.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 24, 2018 at 11:57 pm

      Your welcome Danielle!

      Yes, social media postings are a good outlet. Its OK to feel down. Just let it all hang out one night. Even if its pulling the covers over your head and having a good cry. Do me a favor. Give yourself a big hug and tell yourself how much you love yourself and how you are really special! Because you are.

  13. Danielle

    August 23, 2018 at 9:55 am

    Cutting a long story short, I met a guy via online app in March. We hit it off quite quick and April we met up, slept with him a couple of times and got pregnant. I found out in June I was pregnant and told him, he was really stressed and wanted me to get rid of it, he was so harsh. I went to have a termination but due to complications I couldn’t have the abortion. But I told him I had the abortion as he was stressing me out and he was also stressed too, he was telling me he couldn’t sleep and eat. Since I’ve met him, we’ve been arguing, he blocked me from everything. Anyway, only a week ago I told him I was 13 weeks pregnant and that I am having a termination but he wouldn’t listen to me. I had to text him from another number. Said really hurtful things and said he hates me, he’s with another girl, told me to get rid, I cried. Eventually he apologised for what he said but told me to get rid because if his family finds out, it would ruin his life. He told me to call him once I got rid of it for peace of his mind. Anyway last week I found out that I miscarried so I called and left a voicemail, told him it’s gone. I was really down after. Feel like he has no remorse. How do I go about this? He has a girlfriend and maybe he always had a girlfriend when he met me. We were never an item, just friends with benefits but I fell for him. Help? Do I start posting on social media?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 23, 2018 at 10:54 pm

      Hi Danielle!

      I know its nearly impossible to tell a breakup story and keep it short! You did a great job. Your ex said some really cruel things and I am sorry you had to hear those things. You should think about implementing No Contact so you can heal and work through all these confusing feelings. Take time and ask yourself if this is the guy you really want to invest any more of your time in. I have a lot of books, guides, and resources on the site that can help you with how no contact works and how it can make a huge difference in your life.

  14. Jess

    August 17, 2018 at 6:47 am

    Hey Chris, so I was with my ex for almost 1.5 years and we were inseparable, we were so in love and together literally every single day. I think that may have been the problem, I became very codependent/sort of clingy/needy because I moved to Australia from Canada and did not know anyone else (met him 2 weeks after moving), I was fighting and arguing about stuff that did not need to be argued about. I regret my actions and the way I reacted as I can be hot headed and he likes no drama. We had an amazing relationship, our families knew marriage was discussed, but he said the past few months he has been unhappy and was thinking about leaving me. When he did break up with me said we were from two different worlds, that we aren’t right for each other, that he would be happier without me, that he couldn’t do this for the rest of his life, the arguing the fighting- he thinks its my mentality and I will never change and doubt him/be insecure etc not independent. I know I lost myself recently because I was very independent but then I was always with him and spent legit 5-6 days/nights with him. I felt like a burden and noticed a change in his behavior at the end of May. I regret how I handled many situations and I should have thought twice before choosing my battles. But he looked me in the face and said his perception of me has changes/he doesn’t love me the way he used to/doesn’t love me anymore. He will never ever get back together with me, and the problem is there is still alot of my stuff at his house. He asked me to have my address changed etc. I have started the NC and it’s only been like 2 days- we broke up a week ago – I spoke to your coach Anna – I just feel like I don’t know what to do or if theres even a chance because he is so stubborn and he’s obviously been unhappy for a while. He told me even if things he doesn’t care he never wants to get back. What should I even do!?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 1:48 pm

      Hi Jess!

      So you both have been together for a good spell and it went really. So there is a good foundation before things got off track. NC is the right move so you can recover and also work on reinforcing your value. Guy say things that later that realize were really stupid. So believe in the process and focus on your own recovery. That is very important.

  15. Phoebe

    August 15, 2018 at 8:00 am

    Hi Chris,
    I was with my boyfriend for 2 years and this was the second time he’s ended things with me. The first was a month ago so I started no contact and he begged for me back after 3 days. However, it’s happened again. His excuse was that he needed to concentrate on his degree as he’s a nurse and it’s long and stressful hours. His mum died 6 months ago and he’s had a rough childhood so I think the breakup is a lot to do with his mental state at the moment. We agreed to meet up this weekend to talk but I decided I needed space for this week before we do that, I’ve started no contact a couple of days ago and he’s already messaged me but I’m worried he’s trying to friend zone me and then still tell me it’s over when I see him this weekend. If I’m doing no contact which I’m on day 3 of, shall I just ignore him and not meet him this weekend even though we’ve arranged to? I’m stuck please help 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:43 pm

      Hi Phoebe!

      It seems things are a bit difficult with him personal life given his see saw behavior. I would suggest you reach out to him and let him know you you need some space for a good spell to process things and focus on your own recovery and encourage him to do the same. Sort of giving him a heads up that you are in NC, so you are perceived as taking the high road.

  16. Renne

    August 13, 2018 at 6:21 pm

    Hello again! So I have been no contact for about 2 and a half weeks and have run into my ex at a karaoke bar. I saw his friend come in while I was walking out to take a call and then saw my ex outside looking at the building to hide his face. I wasn’t 100% sure it was him but I walked by slowly and observed but then looked away to take the call. I then saw them both walk out and down the street. So, he avoided me. I also found out that he is still friends with all my family members and even likes their posts. He also looks at my sisters Instagram posts and stories (that have me in them) but not mine. I feel a little hurt like he is just treating me as a friend when we never talked about being friends. I even told him at one point in time in our relationship that I could never be friends with an ex especially if I still loved him. I don’t know why he is doing this. My sister thinks its weird that an ex would still take a chance to look at her story when I am still in them. sigh…

  17. Amanda

    August 8, 2018 at 10:48 am

    Hi.. So my boyfriend and I have been having long distance but our relationship have always been amazing,sweet,happy and always puts in effort. Until May.. His new shop opened and I got busy with my own schedule.. We stopped communicating and being there for one another. So we drifted apart. I thought I was falling out of love. I flew back to be in the same country with him and I confessed that I MIGHT be falling out of love and we don’t put in mutual effort.. He asks if I wanted a breakup. I told him no, I just wanted to fix a problem. Asking if he sees the problem.

    After that talk he became a complete different person, cold, unapproachable and doesn’t want to talk.. The next day he confessed saying it could be true that he might be falling out of love with me as well.. I panicked. I realize that’s not the case for me I fear of losing him so much.. I do love this man

    WE planned a trip months ago and left with 2 weeks to go together. The night before we fly off, he asks me to not go with him. Let him go alone. I was crushed and he admit he was selfish but he needed time and space by himself. But I couldn’t let him be cause I fear this would be the end.. This trip was my only chance to save our relationship.. We compromised and agreed within the 7 days trip. I’ll leave him alone for the last 3 days by himself..

    When we left to the trip.. He would look unhappy and doesn’t want to talk etcetc. I tried my very best.. I felt exhausted dating a split personality. He would be distant during the day but night he would open up to me and hug me… The next day repeat.. After giving him his own 3 days space alone.. We met at the airport and he rejects all physical affection. Nothing. The rejection hurts so much but he wouldn’t break up.

    I moved out. He doesn’t bother asking how am I doing or where do I live.. I was homeless.. Jobless.. And in a country where I only have him but he abandoned me. He texted me the day I moved out as if nth happened and I was angry so I was cold to him. And since then he doesn’t want to talk to me.

    I asked him out for dates but he ignores me or say he’s too busy. When I go out with my own friends, I bumped into him drinking with another girl I was crushed. We talked and he said he didn’t find someone new but.. He doesn’t put in any effort, hes hot and cold. We talked and now he’s okay with going movies with me.. Holding my hands and all but it is all demanded by me. He wouldn’t say I love you or anything… But he doesn’t want to breakup.

    I wanted to give up, so I ignored him after days of him being so hot and cold to me.. Then he came looking for me. He came talking to me only when he wants to and all. He’d text but stop the conversation whenever he wants or ignores me whenever he feel like it.

    I was so hurt I couldn’t stand waiting around everyday for his text and having to force physical affection being with someone that can’t even say he love me.

    I told him this isn’t going anywhere if its going to be the way it is for the longest time. I plead I begged I cry everyday and I just wanted to let go.

    So I ask him to make up his mind and ill give us both space and time. Let’s not contact each other. So now we’re in no conyact phase.. But I worry he might find this other girl again that he’s been texting and drinking with… What do I do

  18. Elina

    August 5, 2018 at 12:56 pm

    Hi Chris!

    My boyfriend broke up with me on the 1st of July, out of blue, we were together for 3,5 years and were really young while we started seeing each other (17), everything was great – literally everything, we didn’t fight, we had similar interests, hobbies, there were really no problems in our relationship. Since he went to work as a chef, everyone started to see a different behavior in him – easily irritated over everything, couldn’t sleep well and so on, families thought for a minute that maybe he’s on steroids since he loves to work out, but that wasn’t the case. So one day he came home and told me that he wanted to be single and see other women, out of the blue. He told me that he loved me and wouldn’t change a thing about me, but he wants to be single and there is no other reason in our relationship for that, that he was happy with me and that nobody knows the future and maybe instead of splitting our ways totally (he and I want to stay friends, since we literally have grown to be a family) we’d move in together in the future. Everyone (even his best friends, father and sisters who he is really close to) was in shock and didn’t see it coming, neither did I. Also, he is really stubborn, so if he has something in his mind, he needs to get it done. I begged him back, he agreed to try for a month, but said that he has his mind set on breaking up, but that we’d make this month the best that we can, that we’d do things that we haven’t before etc. Everything was perfect, he was loving and caring as usual and so on, but still he said that his mind is set. Also our relationship has always been 110% honest and that’s why we had a good and stabile relationship, so I believe him about there not being any other woman, but everything started when he went to work in a restaurant. He has ditched most of his friends and only speaks and hangs out w his coworkers and plays video games, everyone is really worried about him and sees that he’s in some weird crisis. I ended our month, because it made me realize, that he won’t be back and he wants to move on, I ended it on the 16th of July, we both cried like children and he told me that it actually would hurt him to see me with somebody else, but knows that he wants to be single, but still wants to know that he loves me a lot. Also he told me (when he was drunk) that he was a little bored in our relationship, so it’s probably the actual reason why he did that. We are both 20 years old. I would understand it if our relationship wasn’t good, but it really was very good and I love him with all of my heart. I started no contact on the 20th of July and right now he hasn’t written me, but likes all of my social media pics and so on. Also before NC he said that he really wants to be friends and he knows that it takes a lot of time, but that if I’m ready, I should write to him. So maybe he wants to give me time. All of our friends do not understand in any way, why would he do that. I really want him back, but since I’m a uni student and currently not working I don’t have the funds to buy your book. I really hope that you can help me.

    Lot’s of love from Estonia!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 5, 2018 at 6:29 pm

      Hi Estonia!

      You have some advantages in that you two were together a good period of time and that creates positive traction which comes in handy later when you try to reconnect. Some guys do things that are hard to explain and their words and decisions are not always in their best interest. Going forward, you want to have an ex recovery plan. I talk about all of that on my home page. So go visit me there and read up on some of the tools, eBooks, and other resources you can use to better optimize your chances.

  19. LL

    August 4, 2018 at 1:49 am

    Hey Chris! Today is NC Day 8 and my POI just messaged me saying, “I’m really sorry. I wish I could be with you if my mental health is in a totally different place…I can’t be with anyone…I’m lost.” We really like each other and at the same time, I recognize it is not my responsibility to save him. I feel he needs to sort through his internal demons on his own. Preferably w/ a professional. I can only continue to inspire him – now from afar, by continuing to be my beautiful and radiant self. I have your ebook and I’m wondering if NC would apply the same way for someone w/ depression? I feel like he will just go down the rabbit hole, even deeper. I could always check in when NC period is over but just wanted to get your input. Thanks, xx!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 4, 2018 at 2:33 am

      Great job LL!

      I agree with your thoughts. That is what NC is for. To also help the ex find their way to some sensible thinking. I think in the case when someone’s attitude is more depressed, you would want to be more flexible in the sense that if you are getting multiple positive messages (and depending on other factors) you could cut short the NC period and try to build on the positive line of communication. I talk about this extensively in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”.

  20. Tina

    August 1, 2018 at 10:54 am

    Hey Chris much appreciated for your reply. The thing is I only implemented no contact last week after he told me never to contact him. He’s blocked me on my personal number and not on my work number, he could’ve but I wouldn’t know. Anyway when he saw me, that was on day 1 of no contact and then he saw me again on day 5 of no contact. On day 3 I accidentally sent that request. He’s most probably going to think I’m stalking him or something? That’s why I’m asking if no contact is broken because it was early days. I just have no hope anymore. Because he’s blocked me, I just don’t know what to do, I haven’t blocked him on Instagram or WhatsApp

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 2, 2018 at 3:36 am

      Don’t worry about the technicality of if NC was broken as you are still in the very early stages of NC. Your focus should be on the healing part of NC. Focusing on your own recovery and feeling more empowered and realizing that you really don’t need to count on him to be happy. You get to that place, then you are empowered

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