Will Text Messages Work To Get Your Ex Back?

She Got Him Back After Contacting HIM First After The No Contact Rule!

I don’t know why but it seems like so many women out there like to challenge the fact that I recommend that they contact their ex after the no contact rule first.

You’d think I would have asked them to sacrifice their first born with all the crazy looks I get.

Kelly was certainly in that group of people who thought that “A MAN” should always contact first.

Oh, perhaps I should back up a second and explain the fact that Kelly is in the Private Facebook Group so my team and I helped her out a lot with her situation. And for the most part she was excellent at implementing the advice we gave her.

There was just one “itty bitty” bump in the road.

She refused to text her ex first…

Here’s what she had to say about the whole thing,

And then I started battling with myself. I went back out and started looking other sites and they’re like don’t you ever text first.

It was at this point that my team and I calmly explained to her all of the benefits of texting first,

  • How you can approach the conversation with a plan
  • How you can come at it from a position of strength
  • How he’s probably dying to hear from you.

And guess what?

All of what we had told her was confirmed when she got him back.

This is Kelly’s story,

Watch Kelly’s Success Story Here

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

47 responses to “She Got Him Back After Contacting HIM First After The No Contact Rule!”

  1. Linda says:

    I’m so confused,I’m in the NC I have one week to go my boyfriend broke up with me by text it was horrible I’m still very hurt I’ve been taking care of me I’m in great health I still go out I work I go dancing but seen him a couple of times it was not good I confronted him about him calling me a bad name breaking up with me he ran away jumped in his truck and drive away fast the second time I saw him he tried run away again (oh and bye the way the name he called me had no truth to it and he accused me of doing something bad it was a lie)so caught up with him after his friend stopped him I tried asking him why did he do what he did to me his reply was he didn’t do nothing,but before that he had been pulling away but not completely his still called me his girlfriend I come to find out he went to his children’s mom whom had major problems with she had some one but decided to slide back in with my guy when realize he and I were getting really close like he called me the one and he didn’t want anyone else but me I had meet some of his family members and Friends we were in love he even asked my mom for me before she passed away A year ago but any we were together a little over 2yrs we did a lot together we lived long distance we didn’t care but back to the second time I saw him actually slapped him while he was holding my arms as I asked him about what he did to me it really upset me when said didn’t do nothing I had never ever hit him I feel bad out it but I went into NC right after that but he had contacted my sister right before that and told her he still me very much and that I was the only woman he wanted and he went to her a few time to say the same thing and he also reached out to another friend to say he love help me please I’m so confused

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Linda

      how many days did you do nc? you said you’re two years together? when did his ex started trying to get him back?

  2. May says:

    I’ve been doing NC for 8 days and yesterday he contacted me:

    “Hi May, I hope you’re ok. Just to let you know I have another bag of your stuff. Do you want me to drop it off next time I’m passing? X”

    I don’t want to reply because I don’t want to break NC. I can’t think what the stuff is as I took everything last time I was there. All I can think is it’s a Game of Thrones DVD box set. That’s literally the only thing I can think I forgot.

    What do I do? Reply bluntly and say yes. Or reply and say I’ll come get it at some point and leave it on my terms. Or just ignore for now?


  3. Toni says:


    I purchased the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro and it does not list my situation. Can you help me?


  4. rose says:

    Is is possible to get him back through texting alone?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Rose,

      he might have related you to stress because of the fights.. do nc, improve yourself and then dont apologize after. just slowly rebuild rapport..

  5. Natalia says:

    Hi EBR,

    Three weeks ago, my boyfriend has told me that due to his job nature, he would be likely to be relocated in a few months. He was not at a commitment stage of asking me to move with him but yet, he did not want to do long distance because he believed that it would not work. He has told me that this has been on his mind for a while but never initiated the conversation with me because he thought by not letting me know was a protection for me. He was confused and said the only solution he could think of was to break up with me. I was devastated since I was not informed until now so suddenly, and he would not even listen to me when I said I wanted to give long distance relationship a go. I became frustrated and left his apartment.

    We have never talked until last week where I texted him and asked how he has been ( I just hated the feeling of being hanging. I just wanted to know if we are over or if he’s still thinking about it). To my surprise, he was texting back positively and we started exchanging text messages. Sometimes he would initiate the conversation and the topic would just revolve what’s going on with each other’s life. Although there are texts floating around each day, but he would not initiate to talk about what happened that night or to ask me out for just a catch up.

    I believe our relationship was quite a healthy one – we respected and loved each other every much. That was why the decision he had was such a surprise to me. I would like to seek your advice on what I should do. Should I call/text him and ask for a meet up to understand what is on each other’s mind? Or should I just wait until he initiates a meet up?


  6. Cam says:

    I would like to purchase the premium package mainly for access to the Facebook discussion group. Will there be instructions on how to join the group once I’ve purchased it?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Cam,

      I’ll confirm how and get back to you..but what’s for sure is you’ll have access..

  7. Anu says:

    Hey, I just the EBR e-book a few days ago amd finished reading it. I haven’t been in contact with my ex for 20 day, so I’m taking it as my NC. I actually have a pretty unique problem, I guess. After the break-up we weren’t in contact, he texted me but I couldn’t reply, I acted like I didn’t care cause I was hurt. After a few weeks he wanted me back so naturally I said I want him back too instantly, but then he was like, “no, it’s a mistake, I didn’t mean it, I was just feeling that way then” and like he doesn’t want me back. After not really talking to him for so long I just burst out like, “no I love you so much, I miss you”. I literally begged him, I told that I’m not in a good condition emotionally, how I think about our future, that I’ve never loved anyone else but him (all true) and all that expecting him to care. But he was like, “don’t guily trip me I don’t want it”. I told him I didn’t reply to him cause I was afraid that he must be angry with me and stuff. He didn’t care.

    So, it all ended with me saying, “You don’t even care about me let alone love”. Then after a while I just wished him a happy birthday cause after all that, I’ve been a mess missing him and wanting him back.

    So, my question is, in a way all that happened (kinda like how the e-book says things will happen, I was really surprised reading it) and he did want me back but then he didn’t and I reacted like that. Do I still have hope that he’ll want me back for real after following the e-book? I begged him and what not. We were together for 3 years and know each other for 4 years.

  8. Katie says:

    Reading this post, made me want to say a big thank you to everyone at the wonderful Ex-boyfriend recovery team. Every post here is so helpful and guided me through a difficult time. I also was the one to reach out first after a 38 days no-contact rule, and received a very warm welcoming response. (Even though, during the break up, he said he didn’t see us being together, and he knows himself so well that it would be hard for him to trust me again.) I didn’t have the “he should contact first” mentality, as I always believe in taking the first step out if I really want to make something happen, as good things don’t (always) fell down from the sky.

    We have not had “the talk” about where we are now, or what happened (as if the break never happened). It’s not like we “forgot”, but more like “ok, we messed up last time, and we understand we both miss each other. Here is another chance. Talking about the past isn’t going to change anything, and it was a misunderstanding that we know wouldn’t happen again. So let’s move on forward and give this a fresh new start.”

    Anyway, I’m happy with how things are turning out so far 🙂

    Again, Thank you everyone!

  9. Tasmin says:

    That’s good advice! And yes, I’ve been improving greatly, lost 6kg, got new clothes and make-up and got more social!

    A friend of him wanted to talk to him about the break-up and about me. He wanted to get me some info, so I won’t be scared to be rejected. Is that a good idea?

    His friends also want us to get back together, because my ex was kinda depressed before he met me, they are affraid he’ll become depressed again, is it okay to accept their help?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      His friends are ok to help. That’s good for you. What you need to avoid is that they will go over board. That it will look like you have been asking them to do it and that you and his friends are ganging up on him, which will make him annoyed with you.

  10. Anon says:

    Hi EBR,

    So I’m a little stuck. The ex broke up with me after 6 years together. We were living together and got a dog together too. During the start of our relationship I cheated but we stayed together all these years. Main reason for break up was change of feelings, some trust issues I suspect from the past and the typical, he said just want to be alone. But very mainly he no longer loved me like he once did. I took it pretty hard at first and even asked him to get back together. But otherwise it was not that bad of a break up. We kept things pretty good, no fighting. Did NC for 30 days during which he did not know I was ignoring him because I did politely reply to his message about picking up his stuff from the house. He took most of his things but I was not home so did not see him.

    So I sent a first contact message according to EBR Pro. It went good. I was going to keep Day 2 blank, as per instruction, and possibly Day 3 too and then contact again. Anyway, so it was Day 3 and he texted me saying he was coming over to see the dog and pick up the remainder of his stuff from the shed. I was home but said ok. I wanted to keep things brief enough but polite and avoid talking about the relationship and feelings. But once I saw him i couldnt help but chat like we did when still together. It wasnt too awkward but we did exchange a few stories and talk about what we have been doing lately. He proceeded to ask how I was feeling, if I had missed him, if I love him, if I have been seeing anyone etc etc. I tried to play off most of the questions nonchalantly or tried to mislead him a bit by hiding what I have actually been feeling – was this a mistake? I wanted to sound like an UG. Like I was fine without him as for the most part I have. I think he also felt a bit of pity towards me at first because I lost a lot of our friends since the break up and asked how I was coping. He had received some bad comments from people since breaking up with me and felt angry about that. We only hugged and kissed on the cheek once to say hi and bye.

    So now I feel like I cannot continue with the texting as initially laid out. Should I do NC again for a week or longer and then start over with first contact? I’m afraid he will move on faster particularly if he thinks I will soon. Also, about my first contact message I sent the other day. He mentioned when he came over that he found it very strange and I thought he was alone at the time but turns out he was with his friends and they all thought it was strange I contacted him so “out of the blue” and was speculating what I was doing. He is now always with his friends since he moved out and living with them so there wont be a good time to message him without them knowing. The are always together. He also mentioned he wants to live with roommates that are strangers but I am afraid who they may be and whether there will be females… Also, it sounds like he really wants to be on his own and independent. He did say he misses having a partner so I am worried he will find someone else. What do I do?

    Thank you for your time.

    • Anon says:

      I just feel like he had seen all my new improvements made during NC. And that at most he sees us being friends. So friend-zoned 🙁

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Anon,

      You just had a good exchange in person and now you want to be distant? Why? Did it get emotionally negative? You should actually use that exchange to build more rapport.

    • Anon says:

      It was all positive. I thought maybe it would be too soon as he would not be ready to be “friends”.

      He wouldn’t know I’m being distant as he wouldn’t have contacted me during this week anyway.

      So you still recommend no more NC? If so, we should I continue in terms of Chris’ texting calendar? I did first contact a few days ago and although they sounded like positive responses, he did mention it was strange and so did his roommates. I am worried he will keep showing them all my texts and suspect my motive.

      Also, he proposed that we sleep together the other day but i know how bad an idea that was and if I had it would turn into fwb. If he asks again how should I reject it?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Tell him it’s not your cup of tea. That could establish that you’re not trying to get back with him because if you are, you would have taken that bait. Yes, build rapport. It might have been strange before but now that he asked that, I don’t think it would be surprising anymore that you would text.

    • Anon says:

      Thanks Amor.

      Not sure if he will ask again. Didn’t want him to think just because he came over the other day that I want to get back together or that I want to make an effort to be friends and he doesn’t (yet?).

      Quick question – would it be a good idea to delete all the pictures we have together from my social media accounts?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      for me,.you should just let it be for now because you’re trying to build rapport

  11. Fruit bowl says:

    I’ve been on and off NC for a while now since the breakup. When we get back together it turns into a friends with benefits thing (My mistake). Anyways, so far I’ve been 2 months NC. The last time we spoke he told me he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. It was a horrible, horrible fight. He blocked me. A week ago, I noticed he unblocked me. It was when I posted a status (you can see who views it). After that, he has been changing his picture constantly. This is very uncharacteristic of him! He’s not the very social type nor the type who takes pictures but he knows how much I love his pictures. Then today, he posts his own status (again, something very uncharacteristic of him). I didn’t want to look at it because I know it would stroke his ego but I was so curious I looked at it. Now he will see that I’ve seen it. What do I do? I cant message him first because of how horrible he was to me last time.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Fruit bowl,

      since you’re not going to message first, just keep being active in your own life and in posting and don’t view his again.

  12. Lisa says:

    How do I become a member of the private Facebook group?

  13. Anon says:

    Hi, Amor and everyone!

    Okay. So I’ve done around 70 days no contact. I know that’s a lot…but I was actually thinking about doing 90 days. That seems like such a long time. But in my situation, I had done 30 day no contacts and we always reconnected. Always. Before I had ever done a no contact he refused to lose touch with me. So I thought maybe I need to do something drastic to really get his attention. We’ve never gone this long without speaking to each other.

    I’ve been very active this time. I’ve been meeting new friends, hanging out with old and new friends, restarted some hobbies. I’ve been very active on Facebook posting, showing off my “new look” and showing that I’m happy. And I actually am happy! I’ve been on several dates and even thought I was going to move on with one of them! I liked this guy a lot….but he just wasn’t the person I want. I still want my ex.

    My problem is…I don’t know how my ex feels. I think either my number is still blocked or he changed his number (not unusual for him. He’s never been a stable guy, he’s had 12 numbers since we met almost 3 years ago) I had blocked him on Facebook but when I unblocked him, I found out that he blocked me!! So the only way to contact him, I think, is through email.

    Has it been too long? He was so angry the last time we spoke I’m afraid to reach out and get burned. But, honestly, after the first week of this round of No Contact I had the intention of moving on. I wasn’t trying to get him back, I wanted him out. But now that thus time has passed, I’m no longer angry. I think I want us to have a chance at being together not just for us but for our daughter. I want her to know her father and be a family with us. But should I just move on?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Anon,

      More likely over time, he will be less angry too. By that time, take it as a restart. That everything is behind and you’re starting over as friends.

    • Anon says:

      So if I decide I want to try to reach out, is emailing him okay? The last time we talked he said he hated me and to never talk to him again. That was in December…the day before our daughter’s first birthday.

      I’m scared to reach out, even though I want to. I think if we could at least be friends that it could be good for all of us. I’m just scared he’s still angry. Is email a bad way to reach out? Would I follow the same rules as texting?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      It would be better if it’s text or social media private message. Cross the bridge when you get there, if you can’t do those other options then yes, email him.

    • Anon says:

      Okay. It might come to just having to email because I do think he changed his number. He’s done that before when I was upset with him thinking that I would go crazy trying to get his new number (he did that three times. Twice while we were together and once after we had broken up.)

      I’ll think more about it before I act. I don’t want to make the wrong decision! I would hope that he would be more calm by now. But who knows. Sometimes I get angry at him still. But to be fair, he’s the one who left his girlfriend of 2 years to raise their newborn on her own.

      Thank you for your help, I’m sure you’re sick of seeing me comment!!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Of course not.. there are others who actually keep in touch even after they got their ex back. So, don’t be shy commenting.

  14. Tasmin says:

    Hi everyone!

    So I have a little doubt about everything.. I only have 7 days of NC left (we broke up a month and a half ago) and I’m just seriously nervous to contact him.. I had 0 signs that he misses me, infact, he is enjoying his life.. ALOT. I’m really nervous to text him first, because I don’t want to be rejected. I sometimes talk to his friends and they told me he never even talks about me and if they ask if he misses me, his awnser is “No.”
    I’m just really nervous to text him and scared. I actually want to wait untill he contacts me, but I know that could take months or not even happen at all!

    What should I do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Tasmin,

      if you’ve been really active in improving yourself and in posting in social media, it’s ok if you initiate even he didn’t contact you during nc and he might be just being keeping an image with yourself…if you really want to wait, set a limit until when

  15. Charna says:

    Hi, I completed no contact, but my ex just got angry and told me to f** off forever. What to do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Charna,

      why did you break up? How long was the relationship, how long did you do the no contact rule and how much did you improve? What was the first text you sent?

    • Charna says:

      About 4 months, he dumped me cos he fell out of love. I did 35 days. I improved a lot & made heaps of new friends. I asked him for help with a show I was put in charge of

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Sorry I forgot to ask, but when did you break up? Did you chase him after? Right now, it’s either you do one last no contact of 45 days or move on..

    • Charna says:

      We broke up a week before Christmas, and I chased for about a month after. Why do you recommend 45 days?

    • Charna says:

      We have an anniversary of our first date coming up (it will be 22 days after our last interaction). I really want to send a “guess what day it is” message that day. What do you think?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      actually I recommended 45 days assuming you did chase, and you did for a month.. Don’t send that. That’s still saying you’re chasing him.

    • Charna says:

      Thank you that’s good advice

    • Charna says:

      Just a question about the 30 day NC followed by 45 day NC cos of anger, doesn’t that mean we’ll have passed the 66 day point for “breaking habits”? Thanks

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Yes, but what you need is a restart. Right now, all he wants is for you to move on and stop chasing him.

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