I don’t know why but it seems like so many women out there like to challenge the fact that I recommend that they contact their ex after the no contact rule first.
You’d think I would have asked them to sacrifice their first born with all the crazy looks I get.
Kelly was certainly in that group of people who thought that “A MAN” should always contact first.
Oh, perhaps I should back up a second and explain the fact that Kelly is in the Private Facebook Group so my team and I helped her out a lot with her situation. And for the most part she was excellent at implementing the advice we gave her.
There was just one “itty bitty” bump in the road.
She refused to text her ex first…
Here’s what she had to say about the whole thing,
And then I started battling with myself. I went back out and started looking other sites and they’re like don’t you ever text first.
It was at this point that my team and I calmly explained to her all of the benefits of texting first,
- How you can approach the conversation with a plan
- How you can come at it from a position of strength
- How he’s probably dying to hear from you.
And guess what?
All of what we had told her was confirmed when she got him back.
This is Kelly’s story.
Oh and by the way. If you want to read an awesome book I wrote on this topic, go check out “The No Contact Rule Book“!
V
February 6, 2018 at 12:31 am
I broke up with my ex fiance 2 months ago, we’ve dated 7 years, we tried to make it work and now he is in a relashionship and he is telling me that this is serious relashionship he wants it, he likes that girl (btw he met her in dating site), but he loves me, but he don’t want to come back because he don’t trust me he thinks our relashionship will be the same bad as 2 years it was..he lost his confidence because of me, and I don’t know how to prove him that it can change.He is dating 3 weeks and he tells me he is good as it is, thought he didnt moved on because he still has feelings to me. I tried no contact bacause it was so much tension and he was mad at everything, the next day he apologised and i started NC and he blocked me from social media, deleted all photos, so i freaked out and told his mom to tell him that i want to tell him something, so he actually unblocked my phone number, I tried to be friends (bacause I don’t want to lose him) and he told me that he is not using social media, that is a lie and I don’t understand why is it? What should I do to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 8, 2018 at 11:57 am
Hi V,
Restart nc and stick to it.. check this one:
Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact
Briana
January 22, 2018 at 11:59 pm
Hi my ex dumped me a lil after the new year on the 8th. It came out of nowhere. He said that he hasnt been in love with me the last 2 weeks and wasnt ready to be in a relationship/needs to find himself. We were in a relationship almost 2 years. He deactived his facebook and deleted no pic/status..and told me to text him through regular text…after the break up he said he wanted to be friends. I think that he is depressed after the holidays /the pressure of the new year / he has alot of family issues going on…i tried to reach out and see if hes ok but he is very hot and cold with me ? Dont kno what to do!!!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 24, 2018 at 4:50 am
Hi Briana,
Do you want to try the nc rule?
Alice
January 13, 2018 at 9:21 pm
Dear Amor
Update: As adviced I did ignore him. Two days later – NC 18 – he sent me a link with a business related event and the text “Please reply we need to talk about the company.”
I did reply delayed “Hello P, sorry for not replying earlier, I currently having a lot of things going on, once I have some more air again I will get in touch, in the meantime please send me any business correspondence via business Mail, greetz”
He replied “Please contact xy to ensure to not loose the oppurtunity.”
My reply: “OK”
Him: “As often said I would like to continue working with you, no matter what will be between you and me, in case you want that too.”
I did not reply on that one as I felt he got personal.
Was replying at all a mistake? We still have the business together which is my dreams too.
Reaching out with your texting example after NC would be OK?
Hope this helps others as well
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 15, 2018 at 12:08 pm
I think it caught him off guard, so he’s trying ensure connection. Yes, you could use our texting sample for your initial text after nc… just modify it to the topic he loves to talk about.
Alice
January 10, 2018 at 9:41 pm
Dear Amor
Thank you very much for you reply. I read that but was not sure how to react as he texted me on NC day 16 if we could meet and talk, he wants to know how I m doing.
If ignoring due to NC and strictly keep it business is ok or if I shall reoly delayed saying to need space or having a busy time I ll get back once all calmed down?
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 11, 2018 at 7:21 pm
Nope.. it wouldn’t help because you’re allowing yourself to be his emotional crutch.
Alice
January 10, 2018 at 1:22 pm
Dear EBR Team
I d love your advice.
My boyfriend who s most likely suffering with depression broke up with me on Christmas, one day after his Dads Birthday. His depression started being visible after the death of his father which was 8 months ago. There along came the whole family issue especially in regards with his non existing relationship with his Mom. Before the death of his father we had such a strong and loving deep relationship. He also sees it this way.
Unfortunately he has still not seeked prof help although he admitted suffering depression and seeing a doctor.
When he broke up he said he loves me but not romantically anymore and I trigger stuff just like his Ex did in relation with his Mom (he mentioned in the past roots of his issues lays in the bad/broken relationship with his Mom). He has no strength to watch after his little brother nor me and he does not want to be triggered anymore. He is exhausted. We will never get back together, he does not want a relationship the next 2 years and he might regret in 6 months.
Funnily is also he complained about not being understood by anyone, no one gives his space although everyone says, I say funnily because he s talking in plural, so like everyone not only me.
I know he needs help but what can I do? I was trying my best the past 8 months being supportive and letting him know we get through this as a team.
I m sincerly hurt and not knowing if he really stopped loving me as a partner. A few weeks ago I got this amazing message, that he fell in love with me again, he s slowely coming back does not want to miss me, never ever again, in his life.
So I am asking myself was that a lie? Or can u fall out of love 5 weeks later again? Was that my boyfriend or the depression breaking up?
I educated myself a bit bout depression but how to know when to let go/let it alone.
After he broke up I went straight into NC, it s day 17, he reached out yesterday saying he would like us to talk this week and he d like to know how I m doing.
I have not responded as I feel not ready but on the same time I feel bad ignoring him. I just got back on my feet and without prof. help I don t know how we could have a change. On the other end I fear, he found someone new, or he just wanting to meet me to say he is sorry to get rid of his guilt feelings, or he is curious for an ego boost to see what I m up to, or to get rid of his sorrows (he used to tell me everything) as he has no one left to talk or best case he d like to get back with me.
What do you guys think, shall I stick with no contact? Or shall I go and listen but it would break me a second time if he is done for good.
I still have hope that that loving person is still there, just in need of time to heal and grieve and especially prof. help once he s ready to return.
At the moment I m trying to focus on me to heal and to see things clear but it s hard as all got bad after the loss of his dad who was everything to him.
Oh and what I also have to mention we work together. I help him with some project (he s self-employed and still wants me to work with him, we exchanged 2 mails in regards to business related things, I kept it strictly non personal).
Would be glad about any feedback.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 10, 2018 at 8:48 pm
Hi Alice,
That’s good that he’s seeing a doctor.. Yes, you can do nc, but since you work together, check this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex
Faith
January 9, 2018 at 9:31 am
Hello EBR
My case is a bit special.
My boyfriend who s suffering depression broke up with me on Christmas after his Dads Birthday on 24th, 16 days ago.
His depression started being visible around July (death of his father happend 8 months ago. There along came the whole family issue with his Mom.)
So far I know he has still not seeked prof help against his depression.
He said he loves me but not romantically anymore and I trigger stuff just like his Ex did in relation with his Mom (he mentioned in the past roots of his issues lays in the bad/broken relationship with his Mom). He has no strength to watch after his little brother nor me and he does not want to be triggered anymore.
He is exhausted. Funnily is also he complained bout not being understood by anyone, no one gives his space although everyone says, I say funnily because he s talking in plural, so like everyone not only me.
I m hurt and not knowing if he really stopped loving me as a partner. A few weeks ago I got this amazing message, that he fell in love with me again, he s slowely coming back does not want to miss me, never ever again, in his life.
Was that a lie? Or can u fall out of love 5 weeks later again? Was that my boyfriend or the depression breaking up?
Before the death of his father we had such a strong and loving deep relationship. He also sees it this way.
I educated myself a bit bout depression but how to know when to let go/let it alone.
Now as I know with depression it s a bit of a special case I guess but every break up is unique.
I still love this man and do not want to loose him. Even if depression took over, is there a change to get back together with him or prepare in case he ever will seek help. I know he has to do that on his own and I m currently really trying to focus ond me and take care of myself.
Still not sure what to think about the whole situation if leaving it alone is the right thing to do?
I know the healing process takes time and I do not have the urge to reach out. I thought going into NC for me to heal and see how I feel through the process will guide me what next steps to take.
I still have faith this wonderful guy is still there. So I don t know if it s unrealistic to believe of giving him space to work out his demons and maybe following your steps could give hope for us to become again that strong team we used to be.
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 10, 2018 at 8:49 pm
Hi Alice,
That’s good that he’s seeing a doctor.. Yes, you can do nc, but since you work together, check this one:
EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex
Lulu
December 7, 2017 at 9:21 pm
Hello,
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5years, long distance relationship due to our school, we are in different countries. Due to our religion we can’t see eachother all the time even if we’re in the same country. We talked about marriage, kids, and apartment. Latelly for thr pass year we’ve been fighting a lot, I’ve been fighting depression. 2-3 weeks later he broke up with me and told me that he doesn’t love me anymore, but he asked me if he can stay in my life after I told him that I wanted him out. A day after I told him we can be friends and we agreed on that but I also told him that we weren’t right for eachother and that we are better off as friends (I didn’t mean it, we also have been friends for a year an a half before our relationship). A week after he texted me to ask about me and I replied okay like nothing happened but I did ask him what he wanted and he saud that he just wanted to ask about me. A week later I talk to him because we are working on a project together (hopefully I don’t have to talk to him again until the project is fully finished). Right now I’m in the NC phase and I’m 20 days in. What should I do next and will the program work for me? Do I have a chance of getting back? I’m also confused why he text me if he didn’t love me anymore?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 11, 2017 at 9:12 am
Hi lulu,
Your nc count should start after the day he asked if you’re ok..check this one:
9 Reasons For Why An Ex Will Text You After A Breakup
Moni
November 18, 2017 at 2:13 am
Hi. I’m currently implementing the no contact rule for the second time and it’s day 3. I went 5 days the first time, but cracked to congratulate him on getting a good grade on a paper he had been doing when we were dating, it went south from there. Anyways my main concern is that I work in the same building as my ex so we see each other almost every shift that I work. It’s a big stressor for me because he’ll give me a cold smile and when I say hello or something he is very expressionless and kind of cold with a reply. I try to be nice because we have to keep it civil for work. Should I just try to not say a thing to him at all? Should I avoid him?
I feel like I have been doing well for myself since he broke up with me about 15 days ago. I just feel like every time I see him at work it throws me back into hopelessness.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 18, 2017 at 3:12 am
Hi Moni,
check this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
Agnes
October 18, 2017 at 7:57 pm
Hi my name is Agnes. I’m just basically looking for advice on whether or not I made the right decision to initiate the ‘no contact’ rule on my ex boyfriend. About two weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. In spite of this, he said that he still wanted us to be friends and to stay in each other’s lives, so I agreed. However, before the official break up, we had been on a break for two weeks,because we had started fighting a lot and needed a break from each other. In the third week before the break up, I thought that things were getting better because we spent everyday together acting like two lovers and having the best relationship we have ever had! Then I asked him to talk about a way forward on the relationship and after putting all the cards on the table, he decided a break up was necessary for the both of us to grow. Anyway, we tried the friendship thing for a week, but it was too painful for me because I really just wanted us to be back in the relationship. He was also seeming confused because I could tell he wanted to be friends but was too afraid that things would go back to the way they were if we made it official again. I finally came across the ‘no contact rule and told him about two days ago, that I wanted space to figure things out. He came over yesterday to pick his things up, and was telling me about how hurt he is that I don’t want to keep in touch, and still loves me but thinks it’s the right thing to do. I didn’t reply at all and just have him his things. Did I do the right thing?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 22, 2017 at 6:51 pm
Hi Agnes,
yes, you did.
Linda
June 7, 2017 at 5:49 pm
I’m so confused,I’m in the NC I have one week to go my boyfriend broke up with me by text it was horrible I’m still very hurt I’ve been taking care of me I’m in great health I still go out I work I go dancing but seen him a couple of times it was not good I confronted him about him calling me a bad name breaking up with me he ran away jumped in his truck and drive away fast the second time I saw him he tried run away again (oh and bye the way the name he called me had no truth to it and he accused me of doing something bad it was a lie)so caught up with him after his friend stopped him I tried asking him why did he do what he did to me his reply was he didn’t do nothing,but before that he had been pulling away but not completely his still called me his girlfriend I come to find out he went to his children’s mom whom had major problems with she had some one but decided to slide back in with my guy when realize he and I were getting really close like he called me the one and he didn’t want anyone else but me I had meet some of his family members and Friends we were in love he even asked my mom for me before she passed away A year ago but any we were together a little over 2yrs we did a lot together we lived long distance we didn’t care but back to the second time I saw him actually slapped him while he was holding my arms as I asked him about what he did to me it really upset me when said didn’t do nothing I had never ever hit him I feel bad out it but I went into NC right after that but he had contacted my sister right before that and told her he still me very much and that I was the only woman he wanted and he went to her a few time to say the same thing and he also reached out to another friend to say he love help me please I’m so confused
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 10, 2017 at 6:18 pm
Hi Linda
how many days did you do nc? you said you’re two years together? when did his ex started trying to get him back?
May
April 11, 2017 at 8:07 am
I’ve been doing NC for 8 days and yesterday he contacted me:
“Hi May, I hope you’re ok. Just to let you know I have another bag of your stuff. Do you want me to drop it off next time I’m passing? X”
I don’t want to reply because I don’t want to break NC. I can’t think what the stuff is as I took everything last time I was there. All I can think is it’s a Game of Thrones DVD box set. That’s literally the only thing I can think I forgot.
What do I do? Reply bluntly and say yes. Or reply and say I’ll come get it at some point and leave it on my terms. Or just ignore for now?
Thanks
M
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 12, 2017 at 11:24 am
just ignore..
Toni
April 10, 2017 at 11:07 pm
Amor,
I purchased the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro and it does not list my situation. Can you help me?
Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 11, 2017 at 10:06 pm
what’s your situation?
rose
March 22, 2017 at 3:36 am
Is is possible to get him back through texting alone?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 25, 2017 at 10:44 am
Hi Rose,
he might have related you to stress because of the fights.. do nc, improve yourself and then dont apologize after. just slowly rebuild rapport..
Natalia
March 10, 2017 at 7:56 am
Hi EBR,
Three weeks ago, my boyfriend has told me that due to his job nature, he would be likely to be relocated in a few months. He was not at a commitment stage of asking me to move with him but yet, he did not want to do long distance because he believed that it would not work. He has told me that this has been on his mind for a while but never initiated the conversation with me because he thought by not letting me know was a protection for me. He was confused and said the only solution he could think of was to break up with me. I was devastated since I was not informed until now so suddenly, and he would not even listen to me when I said I wanted to give long distance relationship a go. I became frustrated and left his apartment.
We have never talked until last week where I texted him and asked how he has been ( I just hated the feeling of being hanging. I just wanted to know if we are over or if he’s still thinking about it). To my surprise, he was texting back positively and we started exchanging text messages. Sometimes he would initiate the conversation and the topic would just revolve what’s going on with each other’s life. Although there are texts floating around each day, but he would not initiate to talk about what happened that night or to ask me out for just a catch up.
I believe our relationship was quite a healthy one – we respected and loved each other every much. That was why the decision he had was such a surprise to me. I would like to seek your advice on what I should do. Should I call/text him and ask for a meet up to understand what is on each other’s mind? Or should I just wait until he initiates a meet up?
Thanks!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2017 at 11:49 am
HI Natalia,
Approach it like the advice on this one:
How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship
Cam
March 9, 2017 at 9:28 pm
I would like to purchase the premium package mainly for access to the Facebook discussion group. Will there be instructions on how to join the group once I’ve purchased it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2017 at 7:57 am
Hi Cam,
I’ll confirm how and get back to you..but what’s for sure is you’ll have access..
Anu
March 6, 2017 at 10:51 pm
Hey, I just the EBR e-book a few days ago amd finished reading it. I haven’t been in contact with my ex for 20 day, so I’m taking it as my NC. I actually have a pretty unique problem, I guess. After the break-up we weren’t in contact, he texted me but I couldn’t reply, I acted like I didn’t care cause I was hurt. After a few weeks he wanted me back so naturally I said I want him back too instantly, but then he was like, “no, it’s a mistake, I didn’t mean it, I was just feeling that way then” and like he doesn’t want me back. After not really talking to him for so long I just burst out like, “no I love you so much, I miss you”. I literally begged him, I told that I’m not in a good condition emotionally, how I think about our future, that I’ve never loved anyone else but him (all true) and all that expecting him to care. But he was like, “don’t guily trip me I don’t want it”. I told him I didn’t reply to him cause I was afraid that he must be angry with me and stuff. He didn’t care.
So, it all ended with me saying, “You don’t even care about me let alone love”. Then after a while I just wished him a happy birthday cause after all that, I’ve been a mess missing him and wanting him back.
So, my question is, in a way all that happened (kinda like how the e-book says things will happen, I was really surprised reading it) and he did want me back but then he didn’t and I reacted like that. Do I still have hope that he’ll want me back for real after following the e-book? I begged him and what not. We were together for 3 years and know each other for 4 years.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 10, 2017 at 4:29 am
Hi Anu,
restart the count of nc and follow the advice on this one:
You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That
Katie
March 6, 2017 at 10:01 am
Reading this post, made me want to say a big thank you to everyone at the wonderful Ex-boyfriend recovery team. Every post here is so helpful and guided me through a difficult time. I also was the one to reach out first after a 38 days no-contact rule, and received a very warm welcoming response. (Even though, during the break up, he said he didn’t see us being together, and he knows himself so well that it would be hard for him to trust me again.) I didn’t have the “he should contact first” mentality, as I always believe in taking the first step out if I really want to make something happen, as good things don’t (always) fell down from the sky.
We have not had “the talk” about where we are now, or what happened (as if the break never happened). It’s not like we “forgot”, but more like “ok, we messed up last time, and we understand we both miss each other. Here is another chance. Talking about the past isn’t going to change anything, and it was a misunderstanding that we know wouldn’t happen again. So let’s move on forward and give this a fresh new start.”
Anyway, I’m happy with how things are turning out so far 🙂
Again, Thank you everyone!
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2017 at 4:27 pm
You’re welcome Katie!
Tasmin
March 4, 2017 at 6:56 pm
That’s good advice! And yes, I’ve been improving greatly, lost 6kg, got new clothes and make-up and got more social!
A friend of him wanted to talk to him about the break-up and about me. He wanted to get me some info, so I won’t be scared to be rejected. Is that a good idea?
His friends also want us to get back together, because my ex was kinda depressed before he met me, they are affraid he’ll become depressed again, is it okay to accept their help?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2017 at 8:23 pm
His friends are ok to help. That’s good for you. What you need to avoid is that they will go over board. That it will look like you have been asking them to do it and that you and his friends are ganging up on him, which will make him annoyed with you.
Anon
March 3, 2017 at 11:48 pm
Hi EBR,
So I’m a little stuck. The ex broke up with me after 6 years together. We were living together and got a dog together too. During the start of our relationship I cheated but we stayed together all these years. Main reason for break up was change of feelings, some trust issues I suspect from the past and the typical, he said just want to be alone. But very mainly he no longer loved me like he once did. I took it pretty hard at first and even asked him to get back together. But otherwise it was not that bad of a break up. We kept things pretty good, no fighting. Did NC for 30 days during which he did not know I was ignoring him because I did politely reply to his message about picking up his stuff from the house. He took most of his things but I was not home so did not see him.
So I sent a first contact message according to EBR Pro. It went good. I was going to keep Day 2 blank, as per instruction, and possibly Day 3 too and then contact again. Anyway, so it was Day 3 and he texted me saying he was coming over to see the dog and pick up the remainder of his stuff from the shed. I was home but said ok. I wanted to keep things brief enough but polite and avoid talking about the relationship and feelings. But once I saw him i couldnt help but chat like we did when still together. It wasnt too awkward but we did exchange a few stories and talk about what we have been doing lately. He proceeded to ask how I was feeling, if I had missed him, if I love him, if I have been seeing anyone etc etc. I tried to play off most of the questions nonchalantly or tried to mislead him a bit by hiding what I have actually been feeling – was this a mistake? I wanted to sound like an UG. Like I was fine without him as for the most part I have. I think he also felt a bit of pity towards me at first because I lost a lot of our friends since the break up and asked how I was coping. He had received some bad comments from people since breaking up with me and felt angry about that. We only hugged and kissed on the cheek once to say hi and bye.
So now I feel like I cannot continue with the texting as initially laid out. Should I do NC again for a week or longer and then start over with first contact? I’m afraid he will move on faster particularly if he thinks I will soon. Also, about my first contact message I sent the other day. He mentioned when he came over that he found it very strange and I thought he was alone at the time but turns out he was with his friends and they all thought it was strange I contacted him so “out of the blue” and was speculating what I was doing. He is now always with his friends since he moved out and living with them so there wont be a good time to message him without them knowing. The are always together. He also mentioned he wants to live with roommates that are strangers but I am afraid who they may be and whether there will be females… Also, it sounds like he really wants to be on his own and independent. He did say he misses having a partner so I am worried he will find someone else. What do I do?
Thank you for your time.
Anon
March 5, 2017 at 10:22 pm
Thanks Amor.
Not sure if he will ask again. Didn’t want him to think just because he came over the other day that I want to get back together or that I want to make an effort to be friends and he doesn’t (yet?).
Quick question – would it be a good idea to delete all the pictures we have together from my social media accounts?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 8, 2017 at 8:38 am
for me,.you should just let it be for now because you’re trying to build rapport
Anon
March 4, 2017 at 11:22 pm
It was all positive. I thought maybe it would be too soon as he would not be ready to be “friends”.
He wouldn’t know I’m being distant as he wouldn’t have contacted me during this week anyway.
So you still recommend no more NC? If so, we should I continue in terms of Chris’ texting calendar? I did first contact a few days ago and although they sounded like positive responses, he did mention it was strange and so did his roommates. I am worried he will keep showing them all my texts and suspect my motive.
Also, he proposed that we sleep together the other day but i know how bad an idea that was and if I had it would turn into fwb. If he asks again how should I reject it?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2017 at 8:39 pm
Tell him it’s not your cup of tea. That could establish that you’re not trying to get back with him because if you are, you would have taken that bait. Yes, build rapport. It might have been strange before but now that he asked that, I don’t think it would be surprising anymore that you would text.
Anon
March 3, 2017 at 11:56 pm
I just feel like he had seen all my new improvements made during NC. And that at most he sees us being friends. So friend-zoned 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 4, 2017 at 5:27 pm
Hi Anon,
You just had a good exchange in person and now you want to be distant? Why? Did it get emotionally negative? You should actually use that exchange to build more rapport.
Fruit bowl
March 3, 2017 at 4:29 pm
I’ve been on and off NC for a while now since the breakup. When we get back together it turns into a friends with benefits thing (My mistake). Anyways, so far I’ve been 2 months NC. The last time we spoke he told me he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. It was a horrible, horrible fight. He blocked me. A week ago, I noticed he unblocked me. It was when I posted a status (you can see who views it). After that, he has been changing his picture constantly. This is very uncharacteristic of him! He’s not the very social type nor the type who takes pictures but he knows how much I love his pictures. Then today, he posts his own status (again, something very uncharacteristic of him). I didn’t want to look at it because I know it would stroke his ego but I was so curious I looked at it. Now he will see that I’ve seen it. What do I do? I cant message him first because of how horrible he was to me last time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 3, 2017 at 11:29 pm
Hi Fruit bowl,
since you’re not going to message first, just keep being active in your own life and in posting and don’t view his again.