Today I’m going to show you the three most prevalent thoughts that your ex is thinking about if they don’t contact you.

It’s probably also relevant to mention that each of these three things that I’m going to talk about today are based on my experience as a coach and founded on award winning research (more on that in a minute.)

So, if you’ve ever wondered what is going on in your exes mind when they don’t contact you look no further.

Your answers are below!

What The Heck Is Your Ex Thinking About When They Don’t Contact You? 

In all there are three thoughts or overlying concepts that are going to be very prevalent in your exes mind if they don’t contact you,

  1. The Pendulum Swing
  2. They Have To Contact Me First
  3. The Peak End Rule

Now, I don’t expect you to understand any of these concepts. In fact, I’d be shocked if you did because exactly one third of the answers are from my own findings and I haven’t really talked about it that much.

But I’m rambling.

The rest of this article is going to be very straight forward.

I’m going to define each of these concepts for you.

Let’s begin with my personal favorite.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

1. What Is “The Pendulum Swing?”

Before I start getting philosophical I’d like to ask you if you know what a pendulum is?

No?

Well, rather than have me sit here and explain it for you it’s probably better if I show it to you,

Essentially it’s something that swings from left to right.

Generally you’ll see a lot of physics professors using it to explain one of newtons laws but I actually think it’s the perfect analogy to describe what goes on inside of someone when they go through a breakup.

Pretend for a moment that the pendulum actually was an indicator for how you were feeling internally after a breakup,

On one side of the spectrum (the left side) you have all of the bad feelings you could be feeling,

  • Anger
  • Resentment
  • Depression

And on the other side of the spectrum (the right side) you have all the good feelings that you could be feeling,

  • Missing your ex
  • Loving your ex
  • Wanting to get back together

Most of my clients would kill to have their exes feel this way about them.

Speaking of clients, one common complaint I hear from them about their exes is that they wish they didn’t get all of these mixed signals.

One moment their ex is asking them something like,

Do you ever think about getting back together?

Almost implying that they do want to get back together and then the next minute they can’t get a response from them. They are left in that awful limbo land.

The pendulum explains what is going on in this instance.

Over the years I’ve witnessed an interesting pattern taking place.

Exes tend to go through a pendulum of emotions after a breakup.

Where one moment they start feeling good,

And the next moment they start feeling bad,

It’s during these “bad moments” that you’ll find that your ex doesn’t want to talk to you.

Interesting to think that there is this internal battle going on within your ex, isn’t it?

But if you doubt this concept exists I’d like to turn your attention to your own experience with breakups. You’ve probably experienced this pendulum of emotions, haven’t you?

So, that is the first thing going on in your exes head after a breakup that would cause them to not contact you.

Let’s move on to another common thought I see a lot of the time.

2. They Have To Contact Me First

I want to show you something.

Hold on for a moment while I look it up…

Ah, there it is,

This is a picture of me taken about ten years ago a few weeks after I had been through a breakup.

Look how awful I look.

I’m kidding!

Anyways, I posted this picture because every single time I look at it I think of that break up.

I remember very clearly I had a mantra,

There is no way I’m contacting her first, she is going to contact me

I’m pretty stubborn.

I am a taurus after all.

Anyways, my ex was pretty stubborn too which meant that we were in the midst of an epic stand off,

Perhaps the most interesting thing was the reasoning for why I wouldn’t contact her first.

Ten years ago I was 18 years old.

Which meant that I wasn’t exactly the most experienced with relationships. It also meant I still bought into this idea that after every break up there is a winner and a loser.

And in my mind I’d start to “lose the breakup” if I reached out to my ex.

Therefore, she was going to have to talk to me first if she wanted to talk to me.

You’re dying to know who contacted who first, aren’t you?

It was her.

She was actually very clever in how she approached it to.

You see, in 2008 Hurricane Ike hit my hometown,

I grew up in a little place called Friendswood, Texas which is very close to where the video above was taken.

Anyways, the Hurricane went over our house and she reached out to check on me and make sure I was ok.

To this day I have always regretted how mean I was to her when she reached out. You see, upon seeing that I was “winning the breakup” I got very arrogant and said something like this to her,

I regret it because I think she was just trying to be nice but “winning the breakup” was more important to me at the time.

Anyways, I am telling you this story because I want you to see how seriously some people take this concept of making you reach out first.

And it could be going through your exes mind if they don’t talk to you.

3. The Peak End Rule

The peak-end rule has been revolutionary for my book readers who have really embraced it.

Why?

Because it gives you insight into how human beings think and act when they remember experiences.

So, what is “the peak-end rule?”

Put simply, human beings remember experiences based on how they felt at the peak of the experience (it’s most intense part) and the end of the experience.

In other words, when we think back to experiences we don’t account for the sum of it’s parts we account for mostly those two parts.

It looks a little like this,

Those two snapshots of time make up the bulk of our memory when we think back to the experience.

So, what does this have to do with your ex not contacting you.

Well, it’s actually an extension of what I talked about above with the pendulum.

If you recall, the pendulum moves from left to right, from bad to good.

The peak-end rule describes the motivation for why the pendulum moves.

Consider for a moment that your ex is remembering your time together and they start thinking about the peak,

The peak of your experience together is arguably the strongest and most exciting part to think about.

Most likely it’s going to cause the pendulum to swing to the right,

A few days later your ex starts to remember the end of your relationship,

This of course causes the pendulum to swing to the left as they remember how bad they felt at the end of your time together,

Do you see how these to concepts work together in tandem?

Do you see some of the motivation behind why your ex may not want to talk to you?

It’s pretty crazy, right?

Let’s do a quick recap because I dropped some advanced stuff onto your plate that I usually only save for my clients.

Conclusion

What we talked about today is pretty advanced so I’m sure there will be a lot of questions in the comments. If you didn’t already know I answer all of my comments personally.

Sometimes I’m a little slow about getting back to people but they do get answered eventually.

So, don’t hesitate to ask a question if something confuses you.

Let’s do a quick recap,

  • The are three prevalent thoughts that your ex is likely to think about if they don’t contact you
  • The pendulum
  • I’m not going to contact them first, they’ll have to contact me first
  • The peak end rule
  • The pendulum is simply an analogy for the trajectory your emotions take after a break up
  • Adopting a mindset of “they’ll have to contact me first” is an example of stubbornness
  • The peak end rule describes the motivation for why your exes emotions chance trajectory after a break up

Again, if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask them below.

What to Read Next

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71 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”

  1. Avatar

    Dave

    May 19, 2020 at 7:25 am

    Hello, my ex girlfriend broke up with me after 5.5 years. We are both 25. We both discussed getting married and were ecstatic to do so. However, I never had a real conversation and set up a real timeline … she probably didn’t think I was committed as I was in my head. In hindsight, I was emotionally abusive as I called her names during fights and never took any interest in what she loves. But in reality it was all I wanted. She hasn’t spoken to me in 40 days but as all of my friends and family say, that we both had that one obvious true love.. at least at one point. She loved me and it was so obvious. But I hurt her by ignoring her and didn’t even realize it at the time. I’ve texted a few times but was never overwhelming. It’s been 40 days and the most I’ve went is 17 days no contact. Is there still a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 9:38 pm

      Hi Dave, so you need to complete a full period of No Contact and work on your emotional control in that time, find things that help you cope when you feel that you need to reach out to her. Read some articles about the types of texts to send to your ex after you have completed a 45 day No Contact

  2. Avatar

    jordan

    May 9, 2020 at 9:10 am

    hi again. i have done no contact for around 30 days three times with the same result, him calmly and cold saying we will never meet again because the negative weighs so much more than the positive. he barely wants to talk to me. again, he doesn’t remember how the positive memories felt, and thinks him+me=negativity. ive been working on holy trinity as well as posting happy stuff in socialmedia but it doesn’t seem like his mind is changing at all. that is why i am wondering if it is actually possible that he will never be able to remember (the feeling of) the peak and our good times, and can stay in his negative rut for ever? is it actually possible that he will be this cold and fed up and refuse to have contact forever? i can’t understand how that’s the case when i know he still loved me breaking up with me. i’m really starting to lose hope here as rtime is passing, and i don’t know what to do.

  3. Avatar

    Nathaniel

    May 8, 2020 at 5:51 pm

    I like your analogies, they are very direct. The world is built on perspective, so use intuition. I am one that’s become greatly appreciative of my intuitive feelings, it helps me prepare. I have been very emotional and sensitive, even when I was little. My last breakup came at me fast and hard. It was out of the blue, though I knew it would end. All my past relationships have ended like this, I date, mess up and get dumped. I use words and thoughts to express my love. Constantly looking for a solution and compromise. Usually people are afraid to leave me, they may feel sorry. Though I never would know, cause I eventually stop caring. I express how I feel at the end, if it’s not reciprocated in a civil manor. I state what I feel went wrong and what I did. I try and figure out why love was lost. Eventually I get nothing but silence. My self reflection doesn’t work, my personal changes never help. Then the I get asked to be a friend, I’m a loner. What good is talking every once in awhile. That’s not friendship, that’s giving someone an opportunity to judge you. Social media says it all in the end, once that status goes to single. It ends up just being old memories of failure. They both partners wait to see who dates first and judges their ex’s partner. I remember the beginning of my last relationship. My ex had a picture of us, then a ex-partner made a racist remark. She didn’t really say anything, just agreed that I was Mexican. Which I’m not, so I carried those emotions for a long time. Angry and hurt, I knew she would repeat the same behavior. She eventually did, and we haven’t spoke in almost 3 years. I just chose to walk away from her and the friends we had in common. I just hope she can finally find someone who can take care of her.

  4. Avatar

    Eunice I Martinez

    May 6, 2020 at 10:51 pm

    What if I broke up with him and I did no contact for two weeks and I only reached out to apologize and take accountability on my part of The Break-Up? He didn’t respond, and I’m back in no contact now but have I ruined my chances altogether by sending that message? Is there anyway I can get them back after the fact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 11, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Hey Eunice, you have not ruined your chances but you are going to have to follow a 45 day NC this time around

  5. Avatar

    Christina

    April 30, 2020 at 8:57 pm

    Hi my ex and I broke up yesterday. Every time we would break up he would blow my phone up & try to get me back or express how he feels. This time he didn’t seem to care that I was breaking up with him. He has been calm , but very distant. I went to pick up the things I left at his house , & he gave them to me & didn’t look back or say anything at all. Then I was walking by in the rain and all of my stuff got wet , & he walked past me like he didn’t know me. I haven’t been texting him except for important things. Over the past day and a half , I contacted him 3 times in total & all the times he answered respectfully. Should I start no contact ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 3:43 pm

      Hi Christina, yes you need to start No Contact

  6. Avatar

    jordan

    April 27, 2020 at 9:34 am

    hello, my ex broke up with me after a big fight following a somewhat turbulent part of our relationship. turbulent meaning things being absolutely fantastic, but then a silly fight would break it down. the breakup-fight was however a big one, it was really really bad, and after it he said he no longer associated our relationship with any positive feelings, that the positive didn’t weigh in for the negative. he seemed angry and tired of it all, said he still cared very much for me, i know he still loved me, but he felt he had to choose his own happiness and that it couldn’t happen with me in his life because him+me=negativity. now i know for a fact that he too felt that most of our relationship was positive, we were a great fit and we were both having a great time, even though a fight would happen now and then. seems though, like this last fight left him with only negative memories. he remembers the positive ones, but he cannot really feel them like he can the negative and therefore they don’t matter. it seems to me he has forgotten the peak and what it felt like, he only remembers the end. so this leaves me with the fear that he actually can completely forever forget (the feelings of) the peak and all the positive things about our relationship because the negative at the end was so strong – and so i have the question: is that actually possible? with myself of course it is the opposite, i have a hard time feeling the negative things and doesn’t feel like i ever will although i remember they happened – for sure this can happen for him in the opposite way? also i am wondering, seeing as he still loved me when he broke up, does he not think (like me) about all the things that we will never get to do together again and why doesn’t that make him miss me? i’m thinking the negative is clouding this too, and it breaks my heart to think that he will always think him+me=negativity.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 5, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Jordan, so the most important thing that you do right now is follow a 45 day NC period where you give your ex a chance to stop that mentality, while also using social media to show that you can be happy positive person, its about changing his thoughts about you gradually. Be sure that you have an active No Contact period where your focus is on your Holy Trinity.

  7. Avatar

    danj

    April 22, 2020 at 8:22 pm

    Hi, my ex and I broke up a month and 10 days ago , he has blocked me everywhere and he told me that I have no chance to even talk to him again, after begging him for a week he never responded, I continued writing him messages or calling him with a private number once a few days but he did not respond, it was my fault that he dumped me but I love him so much and my heart is completely shattered I can not pass a day without crying. Should I consider NC ? It has not ever been so long that he has not written to me and I am so afraid that he will never come back we were together for like one year and half

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 10:26 am

      Hi Danj, yes definitely go into a NC and do so for 45 days and work on your emotional control during that time. Give your ex the space they want and need right now

  8. Avatar

    Emilia

    April 19, 2020 at 9:49 am

    I dated this really sweet guy from january to march, and it’s almost a month since he broke up with me. Things just started to get a little hard since we both (college students) had to go home to quarantine. He said he had feelings for me but he wasnt sure if he could give me 100% of himself right now, and he wanted to remain in touch and as friends which I said no. When I cried on the phone breaking up he cried too and said he’d miss me and more than anything I became his best friend. I am currently doing no contact rule. After he broke up with me he was tweeting stuff about being happy and now almost a month later he’s tweeting about being sad and having “existential crises”. He was always a super sweet and caring guy and I miss him a lot. It just makes me sad that it’s almost been a month and he hasn’t checked up on me, and the tweets are obviously making me think that he wants me to see that he feels sad and lost, but I don’t want to reach out since he dumped me and I don’t think its fair for me to do that. I am sad every day but I am not tweeting about it. From an outside perspective, no one would even know I’m going through a breakup. I just wish he’d text and I’d like to know why he isn’t.

  9. Avatar

    Jillian

    April 11, 2020 at 1:27 pm

    Hi so my ex and I broke up about 2 1/2 months ago. The whole breakup was very unclear as to why. He told me it was cuz he had depression and felt like he was bringing me down with him and that he knew I would be better off without him. I’ve been a mess ever since and when I asked him to clarify he told me he just thinks it’s best we be friends. That’s the last time I talked to him which was about a month ago. He hasn’t reached out to me at all. Does it just mean he doesn’t care and I should just forget about him. It seems like that’s probably the answer.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 10:45 pm

      Hi Jillian if your ex is depressed and is struggling with his mental health along with other things then you need to respect his need for space, which is where you follow the No Contact rules and make sure you follow the advice given

  10. Avatar

    Liliana

    March 11, 2020 at 4:13 pm

    Hi! So me and my ex broke up after three years. He just text me and said that he didn’t see a future with me and we weren’t meant for each other. Mind you we went on trips with my kids(are not his) and he said he loved me. I would ask if he saw a future with me and my kids and he always said yes. Now he broke up with me, without saying goodbye to my kids and my heart shattered. I am 16 days no contact and he hasn’t contacted me at all. I refused to believe the reason, but I’m starting to think it’s how he really felt. Idk what to do, I’m very stubborn! He hurt me and my kids. When it comes to things like this, have you heard anyone get their ex back. I went step by step last time we broke up and it worked. We got back together. Invested more in each other. We talked about getting married and moving in together. It’s just so sudden, I’m hurt.

  11. Avatar

    Molly

    March 9, 2020 at 8:52 pm

    Hi
    My ex broke up with me during a heated drunken argument 3 days ago due to us arguing too much. He has anger issues and we have never had an argument where I am the one initiating and on the front foot, I am always the one in the wrong in his eyes. Since then, he hasn’t contacted me and I have started NC. When will he eventually contact me? I think he is seeing me as the root of all his anger when all I try to do is help him, he blames me for him being angry with other people. Will it just take time for him to miss me and realise what he is doing?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 10, 2020 at 10:24 pm

      Molly this guy sounds as if he is gaslighting you where he is blaming you for having issues. If he is not willing to work on his anger then your relationship is going to remain the same, even when he does miss having you in his life and you work on yourself if he still has anger problems, the same issues are going to appear again

  12. Avatar

    Maria

    March 9, 2020 at 3:39 pm

    Hi, i need help
    I was dating this guy for 7 months he said he loved me, but because of my past started questioning his feelings I think i pushed him away! Last week he message me he couldnt go on with me he had a lot of things going on i his family. I dont know what to do I deleted his number and snap because I didn’t want to message him i was really hurt

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 11:25 pm

      Hi Maria if you want to get your ex back then start with No contact and reach ou tat the end of 30 days with a text that Chris suggests

  13. Avatar

    Melissa Eastman

    February 22, 2020 at 2:34 pm

    Hi! I won’t go into my whole story but my ex and I are taking a bit of a break apart for some clear reasons. I’m worried because I feel like on Instagram, he stopped posting as much on his stories so I worry he was trying to get someone else’s attention and now he did. He still looks at all my stories though. Anyway so he texted me first on Tuesday, this was about 4 days since our fight and it was something very nice and that he was thinking of me. I want it to happen again and I think I’m also being stubborn but I’m not sure how to illicit that text initiation from him again!!!

  14. Avatar

    Michy

    February 21, 2020 at 5:13 pm

    So my ex reached out to me after 3 months no contact it’s been 4 WEEKS and he hasn’t planned to meet me yet. He says he wants to meet me for a drink and a chat but this hasn’t happened yet.
    He has rang me and been texting me. But this week has gone completely dead on me. I reached out and asked if he was alright he said his stressed out with work but his still interested.

    Should I back off and see what happens? Not sure why one minute his all over me then the next not planning to see me feeling so confused.
    Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 22, 2020 at 11:51 pm

      Hi Michy, I would say that it sounds as if you are too available to him so while you are texting make sure you are dropping out of conversation without warning, and attempt to get some phone calls in there if you can. 4 weeks is not that long in texting phase as everyone has a different development pace. We have clients in our private Facebook group who have been texting their ex making great progress for months and not managed to get a meet up as of yet. Do not rush it

  15. Avatar

    Cindy

    February 11, 2020 at 2:41 am

    I seriously don’t even know where to begin! Put a comment to answer a confusing question. I’ve been confused for 2 months now. But I’ll give it my best shot at it!
    We were mates back in our high school years, after 29 years I finally tracked her down. She has 5 boys, 3 older early 20’s and 2 younger boys aged 11 and 9. One older boy as social anxiety and the younger boy has autism and think younger is seeing signs of seperation anxiety. When she asked for what looked like a break up in her text message, she kept saying see what happens in the future. She mentioned internal struggles and it’s her not me. But I know I had some part in her decision with being needy etc. And we are on a break and maintain a friendship but atm I’m struggling to call it much else. We kept in contact, no-one has blocked each other, no-one knows we are on a break. I was getting that pendulum swing for weeks, she would ask a few times what am I doing, give me a reaction on a photo of me at work. Nothing spectacular, but she hasn’t given one of those since we were together. Always would say good morning by words or by a gif. Fast forward to the weekend I went to visit, I was nervous as hell. Didn’t know how she would be, I was fine for the first day kinda, but she brought up the relationship by saying I want this visit for you to be my friend. And for me after that wasn’t pleasant, come to the day before heading home while alone in her car. I brought up the relationship by asking where did we go wrong, she kept saying it’s her not me. I replied in a calm approach with you can’t sit there and say my pressure didn’t help with your pressure. Now I know she is gay, she was comfortable with being with me in an inimate situation for her first time, we were girlfriends before we got to thst point. She was relieved of telling ppl she was gay and everyone supported her. So after this chat in the car she said out of nowhere I don’t even think I’m gay and I couldn’t say much at all and in my response I said so I guess you are saying I was your experiment and she said she said in away yes. I was gutted and hurt, she has never even suggested she wasn’t. So a few questions also. Could it be a heat of the moment to hurt me for pressuring her with bringing up our relationship? Why does the dumper allowed to bring up relationship and we can’t? After I went home she kept her distance from texting me. Could it be guilt knowing if she never meant it be hurting her knowing her words hurt me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 21, 2020 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Cindy it sounds as if your ex isn’t sure what she is feeling so I would recommend that you keep your distance as to not get yourself hurt right now. It seems that she may be confused about her sexuality right now. If you want to get back with her in the future I do suggest you take some time in no contact and then reach out and start texting again to see how the friendship/relationship develops from there.

  16. Avatar

    X

    January 9, 2020 at 1:20 pm

    Hi guys.
    I need some advice. My ex and I recently seen eachother and have been in and out of contact. When we last seen one another, we both expressed how we still loved eachother and it felt like old times, I felt the connection was still there and I know he felt it too. But since then, I’ve noticed he has gone distant, hot and cold and I don’t know what to do. We only talk through Snapchat but we haven’t really had any meaningful talk or even talk about the relationship yet as I felt the last time I seen him it was the right time and I did hold back which I regret because I feel like we won’t see one another again. I know he night be busy with work, but I do feel he has back off and isn’t interested anymore and I’m afarif now I’ve lost him. I thought things were heading in the right direction, taking it all slow as I wanted to make sure we were starting fresh, but I don’t know what to do now. Any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 14, 2020 at 8:26 pm

      Hey X, if you have been in touch with your ex for more than a few weeks then you can start making suggestions for casual meet up for coffee or something non romantic (for now) and see how that goes. I would also move from SC to a more secure media so you can observe your conversation with your ex to see where you lose his interest as you are supposed to be ending conversations with him, you are supposed to be leaving him wanting more from you. Not you from him

  17. Avatar

    Theresa jayne

    January 1, 2020 at 6:25 pm

    Hi Chris
    I came across your ex boyfriend recovery a few weeks ago I was in a long distance relationship with a man about 23 years younger than me however he made the first move I got a message off of him on a dating site everything was going well for on off 13 weeks I’d say and he sent a last message 12th Dec 2019 I’ll speak to you later
    From that day until now I’ve not heard back from himself
    A few days looked like he blocked me?
    The age gap was big he’s 29 I’m 51 but he video called everyday messaged he seemed mature their was jealousy I’d say few arguments I’m trying very hard to do this NC I have been for 20 days I don’t know what to do I’m worried he’ll do it again 3 times I think he’s stayed out lied to me God knows please help
    Being apart from one another doesn’t help making plans for this year that’s gone to pot

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 5:23 am

      Hi Theresa it is difficult to deal with this as you have not been given a reason he just stopped talking to you. You need to do a No Contact where you do not reach out and you’re doing well to get to 20 days, if by the time 30 days comes and you are not unblocked you go to 45 working on the Ungettable Girl information on this website, but you may find that it takes some time for him to unblock you which is just forcing you to do a No Contact until you have methods of contacting him again

  18. Avatar

    Moe

    December 21, 2019 at 8:11 pm

    My recent ex gave me an ultimatum. Take his name and have his 2nd child. He has a 21 year old. I have two children under 12. I won’t take his name, because I’m established professionally and I don’t want to take a 2nd husband’s name. And I have not said I won’t bear children again, just that I don’t feel it’s in the plan. It’s not in my heart now or yet. I’m blessed with the two I have. So we both agreed that we are holding our position and I suggested we end things. We did. It’s been a week and no contact. We were still on social media until yesterday, he removed me, probably because I was responding to other guy’s flirty comments on my posts. Anyways. What is on his mind of the 3 things in this article? Does me want me to contact him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 21, 2019 at 11:04 pm

      Hi Moe so to be hoenst it sounds as if you and your ex want two very different things in life, so it may be time to accept that you are not going to be compatible. Hes going to be hurt and upset that you are getting attention from other people as clearly he imagined a future with you (marriage and child) but you do not want that in your life. There is no middle ground here it seems, not unless one of you is willing to give the other what they want, which can then cause further issues

  19. Avatar

    Christopher

    December 20, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    I dont know if shes my ex or but she said she needed time and blocked me on everything and I havent not heard from her in 4 days I know she was very angry with me and i deserved it I messed up big time I just need to know if she is done with me or not

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 21, 2019 at 10:28 pm

      Hi Christopher, I would assume if you have not heard from her for the rest of the week then yes it is a break up and take it as time to do a No contact

  20. Avatar

    Chris

    December 1, 2019 at 3:53 pm

    My ex dumped me Oct 22nd 2019 over a text. We have been together 3 years, we live together and were very much in love. She didn’t pull away at all and the breakup came as a shock. We had sex the night before(passionate) morning of break up told me how much she loved me and kissed me on way to work. I got sick in Nov 2018 and had to take a year off work, we both knew the year wouid be hard financially but it was for the best. I changed during the year off, I got depressed with nothing to do, became insecure, needy and kept failing at everything. Started playing video games alot, gambling, smoking pot again, anything to numb the pain. It was her money i used for all this stuff and my daily cigarette habit. We started drowning in debt, our dog was dying and she has a stessful job with family issues. Lost her mom to alcoholism and brother to suicide. I could tell the last two months she was depressed but i thought it was due to her diet, outside stuff. Never explained break up, Asked if it was someone else and she got very very mad saying if im that blind that just reaffirms her decision. Said she became unhappy, i lost my confidence, not enough intimate interactions, etc. I begged for a month to no avail, moved out. I instantly quit cigarettes, video games, weed and gambling. I hit the gym, put on 15 pounds of muscle and got a great new job. Paying her $800 a month and explained I just got lost with no direction and to give me another chance. I still have a house key, stuff there and some of her stuff. She checks my Facebook stories almost instantly, still has my photos up but blocked me on twitter. Her dad broke his neck 3 days after breakup and is living there now while he recovers. When i ask if we are done, should i give you your stuff back and move on she won’t answer me either way, just avoids me not saying move on or don’t. I think she broke up with situation not me and doubted my ability to change which im proving her wrong. What does this mean, what should i do? I mean we were looking at houses a week before break up, her friends are pushing her to move on but her family still all like me? im confused?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 10:49 pm

      Hey Chris so I do suggest giving her some time to work on getting her mental health back to a better place. As it is difficult to go through all you have said above and still be happy. She needs time to heal and she may need therapy too. In that mean time you can do work on yourself so that you are in a better position, so when you speak again she can see the changes you have made and make it more appealing to come back to you because you are able to help, support and love each other as you were before all the negative effects started to take place. I hope your health is much better for you now which would help factor in with the wealth side of your Holy Trinity, Health Wealth and Relationships

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