Today I’m going to show you the three most prevalent thoughts that your ex is thinking about if they don’t contact you.

It’s probably also relevant to mention that each of these three things that I’m going to talk about today are based on my experience as a coach and founded on award winning research (more on that in a minute.)

So, if you’ve ever wondered what is going on in your exes mind when they don’t contact you look no further.

Your answers are below!

What The Heck Is Your Ex Thinking About When They Don’t Contact You? 

In all there are three thoughts or overlying concepts that are going to be very prevalent in your exes mind if they don’t contact you,

  1. The Pendulum Swing
  2. They Have To Contact Me First
  3. The Peak End Rule

Now, I don’t expect you to understand any of these concepts. In fact, I’d be shocked if you did because exactly one third of the answers are from my own findings and I haven’t really talked about it that much.

But I’m rambling.

The rest of this article is going to be very straight forward.

I’m going to define each of these concepts for you.

Let’s begin with my personal favorite.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

1. What Is “The Pendulum Swing?”

Before I start getting philosophical I’d like to ask you if you know what a pendulum is?

No?

Well, rather than have me sit here and explain it for you it’s probably better if I show it to you,

Essentially it’s something that swings from left to right.

Generally you’ll see a lot of physics professors using it to explain one of newtons laws but I actually think it’s the perfect analogy to describe what goes on inside of someone when they go through a breakup.

Pretend for a moment that the pendulum actually was an indicator for how you were feeling internally after a breakup,

On one side of the spectrum (the left side) you have all of the bad feelings you could be feeling,

  • Anger
  • Resentment
  • Depression

And on the other side of the spectrum (the right side) you have all the good feelings that you could be feeling,

  • Missing your ex
  • Loving your ex
  • Wanting to get back together

Most of my clients would kill to have their exes feel this way about them.

Speaking of clients, one common complaint I hear from them about their exes is that they wish they didn’t get all of these mixed signals.

One moment their ex is asking them something like,

Do you ever think about getting back together?

Almost implying that they do want to get back together and then the next minute they can’t get a response from them. They are left in that awful limbo land.

The pendulum explains what is going on in this instance.

Over the years I’ve witnessed an interesting pattern taking place.

Exes tend to go through a pendulum of emotions after a breakup.

Where one moment they start feeling good,

And the next moment they start feeling bad,

It’s during these “bad moments” that you’ll find that your ex doesn’t want to talk to you.

Interesting to think that there is this internal battle going on within your ex, isn’t it?

But if you doubt this concept exists I’d like to turn your attention to your own experience with breakups. You’ve probably experienced this pendulum of emotions, haven’t you?

So, that is the first thing going on in your exes head after a breakup that would cause them to not contact you.

Let’s move on to another common thought I see a lot of the time.

2. They Have To Contact Me First

I want to show you something.

Hold on for a moment while I look it up…

Ah, there it is,

This is a picture of me taken about ten years ago a few weeks after I had been through a breakup.

Look how awful I look.

I’m kidding!

Anyways, I posted this picture because every single time I look at it I think of that break up.

I remember very clearly I had a mantra,

There is no way I’m contacting her first, she is going to contact me

I’m pretty stubborn.

I am a taurus after all.

Anyways, my ex was pretty stubborn too which meant that we were in the midst of an epic stand off,

Perhaps the most interesting thing was the reasoning for why I wouldn’t contact her first.

Ten years ago I was 18 years old.

Which meant that I wasn’t exactly the most experienced with relationships. It also meant I still bought into this idea that after every break up there is a winner and a loser.

And in my mind I’d start to “lose the breakup” if I reached out to my ex.

Therefore, she was going to have to talk to me first if she wanted to talk to me.

You’re dying to know who contacted who first, aren’t you?

It was her.

She was actually very clever in how she approached it to.

You see, in 2008 Hurricane Ike hit my hometown,

I grew up in a little place called Friendswood, Texas which is very close to where the video above was taken.

Anyways, the Hurricane went over our house and she reached out to check on me and make sure I was ok.

To this day I have always regretted how mean I was to her when she reached out. You see, upon seeing that I was “winning the breakup” I got very arrogant and said something like this to her,

I regret it because I think she was just trying to be nice but “winning the breakup” was more important to me at the time.

Anyways, I am telling you this story because I want you to see how seriously some people take this concept of making you reach out first.

And it could be going through your exes mind if they don’t talk to you.

3. The Peak End Rule

The peak-end rule has been revolutionary for my book readers who have really embraced it.

Why?

Because it gives you insight into how human beings think and act when they remember experiences.

So, what is “the peak-end rule?”

Put simply, human beings remember experiences based on how they felt at the peak of the experience (it’s most intense part) and the end of the experience.

In other words, when we think back to experiences we don’t account for the sum of it’s parts we account for mostly those two parts.

It looks a little like this,

Those two snapshots of time make up the bulk of our memory when we think back to the experience.

So, what does this have to do with your ex not contacting you.

Well, it’s actually an extension of what I talked about above with the pendulum.

If you recall, the pendulum moves from left to right, from bad to good.

The peak-end rule describes the motivation for why the pendulum moves.

Consider for a moment that your ex is remembering your time together and they start thinking about the peak,

The peak of your experience together is arguably the strongest and most exciting part to think about.

Most likely it’s going to cause the pendulum to swing to the right,

A few days later your ex starts to remember the end of your relationship,

This of course causes the pendulum to swing to the left as they remember how bad they felt at the end of your time together,

Do you see how these to concepts work together in tandem?

Do you see some of the motivation behind why your ex may not want to talk to you?

It’s pretty crazy, right?

Let’s do a quick recap because I dropped some advanced stuff onto your plate that I usually only save for my clients.

Conclusion

What we talked about today is pretty advanced so I’m sure there will be a lot of questions in the comments. If you didn’t already know I answer all of my comments personally.

Sometimes I’m a little slow about getting back to people but they do get answered eventually.

So, don’t hesitate to ask a question if something confuses you.

Let’s do a quick recap,

  • The are three prevalent thoughts that your ex is likely to think about if they don’t contact you
  • The pendulum
  • I’m not going to contact them first, they’ll have to contact me first
  • The peak end rule
  • The pendulum is simply an analogy for the trajectory your emotions take after a break up
  • Adopting a mindset of “they’ll have to contact me first” is an example of stubbornness
  • The peak end rule describes the motivation for why your exes emotions chance trajectory after a break up

Again, if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask them below.

What to Read Next

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92 thoughts on “What Is Your Ex Thinking If They Don’t Contact You”

  1. Avatar

    Clint

    August 10, 2020 at 11:23 pm

    My ex and I dated for about a year. I was going through some tough things and was a pretty sad person really. On top of that my daughters mom always found a way to put tension in my relationship with my now ex girlfriend. Eventually my ex said she couldn’t handle it and we split up but we continued talking and having sex and seeing each other once or twice a week. During this time I really wanted her back and I finally asked her if she thinks she would get back with me, she said no of course but we still continued to carry on as if we weren’t really broke up. This led to me wanting more then what we had though and I couldn’t control my emotions. I felt she was just stringing me along and finally I confronted her about it. She replied by basically saying that she was no one in my life and that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore and she wants distance and then proceeded to block me on everything. It’s been 3 weeks since then. Given our on and off again history is there any chance she may reach back out?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 2:06 pm

      Hey Clint, yes I think you will hear from her again, but make sure that you do not fall back into those habits of sleeping with her while broken up again. It is not going get what you want. You need to start by following this program and working on yourself.

  2. Avatar

    Lee

    August 7, 2020 at 12:26 am

    The ex and I broke up around the holidays. It was unexpected and they didnt want to be friends after. It was a long term (almost a decade). No kids or marriage but it was talked about.

    We spoke right before the Covid-19 outbreak and theres hasnt been contact since. You spend a decade of your life with someone and then a global virus happens. Not sure where we stand based on this article

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 7, 2020 at 9:20 pm

      Hey Lee, are you looking to get your ex back? If so then start reaching out more often and try rebuilding your connection. Read some texting articles to help you along the way

  3. Avatar

    Marie F

    July 27, 2020 at 8:08 pm

    My ex and I broke up a month ago for reasons that he wasn’t happy and we were arguing more. We were together for a year and 5 months. We also worked closely together but I left the job once we broke up because I couldn’t bare to see him everyday. I haven’t seen him in a month. I reached out by calling and we talked a few times over the last few weeks for hours at a time but he is not willing to meet in person. I tried to be positive in our last conversation a week ago asking to meet up for a simple walk but he is hesitant. I left it on a good note, but he hasn’t reached out since. I’ve been in no contact for 7 days today. Any advice would help at this time. He was my best friend.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 27, 2020 at 9:44 pm

      Hey Marie, you need to go back into a 30 day NC and then reach out to your ex with the texting phase – but you need to stop with the emotional conversations and asking him to meet up so soon, you need to work on rebuild your connection and his attraction to you through each stage. Read some more articles to help you to work through the program.

  4. Avatar

    Emma

    July 13, 2020 at 8:51 pm

    My ex of almost a year and a half and I were together for five years. We met young (at 24), fell in love hard and fast, moved in together after a year and towards the beginning of our 6th year together he decided he needed to live out the single life he missed out on. Gone were our plans and dreams and the life we built and I had no say. Towards the end he flip flopped between the kind, good looking nerd I loved and who loved me fiercely in return to this dude who was so obviously trying to prove something to world (he had a new job that gave him a taste of this frat-boy party lifestyle). Anyways, he ended things in a horrible way (not because we didn’t love each other but because he wanted to be free) and I basically haven’t heard from him since… until I got a letter from him about two months ago. Now, I admit, I may have caved (blame quarantine) and sent him a letter first. A letter that told him I missed him at the very end and then he decided to respond to it. His response was 6 pages long and talked a lot about how he wishes he’d learned the single man lessons he has learned in our time apart before we’d met so he could basically still have me and about the shame he has felt in the way he handled things… I guess he has met a lot of other women and is realizing that who I am and what we brought out in each other truly is special and admitted to carrying me and our love with him everywhere he goes and went on and on about how I meant the world to him… something I have felt too and that is why it has been so hard to let him go. It was rare, it really was. But then he also said he stands by his decision to be single. I responded and then he basically ghosted the response. I sent him another email about two weeks later asking him what his intentions were when he decided to write that letter and basically saying I will always have a door partially open for him. Hey, I was being honest. He responded late at night basically yelling at me. Saying he can’t believe I would question his motives and even think his words meant we have a chance bc he still doesn’t know what he wants (in all caps). He said this a lot when he broke up with me and it seems like he is still searching for something. I believe that what he is searching for is what was already in front of him for so long though. He signed off willing to meet in person if I wanted to talk more in hopes that we would both find some answers (I declined that bc it would hurt too much) and said that at this point in time we have no shot any other answer would be foolish. I feel like he was definitely on the pendulum of emotions and I can’t seem to let go of this idea that part of him really isn’t over us. I just don’t know what to do anymore bc I feel like I have tried so hard to say yes to new things and people but no matter what he is still there. I just wish I knew how to get through to him.

  5. Avatar

    Elizabeth Heim

    July 12, 2020 at 5:32 am

    If your ex isn’t contacting you due to the pendulum swing, how long should you wait to contact them again? My ex openly admits to being terrible at texting (and he’s not kidding, he once texted me 12 hours after I sent him a text)

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 12, 2020 at 10:19 am

      If you have had a few days of good texting conversation and they pull back, give them 3-5 days of peace and then reach out again – extend this the more time you spend having conversations with your ex, be sure that you are following the information about the peak end too

  6. Avatar

    Sara

    July 5, 2020 at 12:12 pm

    Stacey,

    I hope you are okay? Reading your story – exactly the same thing happened to me on 20th June 2020. I feel like such a fool.

    Do hope it gets better

    SK x

  7. Avatar

    Stacy

    June 25, 2020 at 2:46 pm

    Hey me and my ex were together for 2 years he was married but separated, when I met him he had no home no stuff no car no money so I supported him he was on sofas in caravans then in a really rundown area I helped him get the job he now loves the car he loves and he’s now has a nice place to live he always promised me he would get divorced and be a family as we both have children last year I found messages to his wife saying about he loved her he begged me back blah blah blah then he said last week he doesn’t want a divorce so I left he tried contacting me for a few days then stopped I had said it was over but I did try to sort things out with him , he said no we are over and he needs to be on his own so I said ok I blocked his number to stop us contacting each other then 2 days later he phones me off a private number saying he has been feeling crap so I messaged him that night as he reached out to me first and text him saying do you want to start over on a clean slate or cut our losses and he replied I want to be on my own so I said ok il let you move on take care and changed my number it’s been a week now I really miss him just think does he miss me

  8. Avatar

    Quin

    June 22, 2020 at 12:33 am

    My ex and i broke up 3 months ago. We were in LDR. Days after the break up, he said he misses me but I didn’t respond. I rrsonded after a week and i gave a hint that i want to reconcile. But he said he need to find a job before we can start again. Why does he go from “i miss you” to “i need space” in just a week? I went crazy and this is where the begging started. I begged for two months and he replies to me. But gets angry whenever i ask questions about our relationship and tells me to move on. But the next morning he will send me a message telling me calmly that he just needs to find a job and we can be together. It’s been a week since i went NC. Do yu think we can still have a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 17, 2020 at 11:44 pm

      Hey Quin, sometimes when people go through a break up they get panicked at the thought of losing their ex so they want to get back together. But when his emotions settled he realised that he did in fact want some space and time. So give him that and follow a 30 day No Contact period where you read all the articles on this website to help you along through the program

  9. Avatar

    Shelly

    June 16, 2020 at 8:01 pm

    Hi :]
    My ex and I broke up before 3 months. We were best friends and in the end, there were trust issues he couldn’t get over on. He was mad at me because of mistakes I did( I did not cheat) but I lied a lot and talked to my friend about him. I regret that. And I’m actually feeling much more forgiven to myself, because I know I did that because I was so insecure and tend to close my self when I’m angry or frustrated. I bagged in the first months for several day during this month. But eventually, I let it go. I gave him space. He still likes my posts, I can sense he still “search” for me in social media. And he said that he will always love me when we broke up, and that the break up happened because his need for space and quiet and get over his anger towards me, and not because he is not loving me. He even mentioned that time can heal and help in our situation, and that he liked to talk with me – and that’s what painful the most.
    Also, He said he can’t trust me and because of that he can’t see a healthy relationship with me (right now).we didn’t talked for 2 months, and next month I have a birthday. And I have this exceptions that he will reach out.
    I don’t know how he feels. I can tell he miss me. I can tell he loves me. I can tell he is “searching” for me In social media. But. He didn’t reach how so far. I did managed to improve my self and take care of my fears, my insecurities and my patience. I’m giving my self each day another challenge. And I’m really trying to keep been busy as much as I can. But it’s so hard. How can I make sure he will reach out? Is trust something that can be forgiven during time, even though we didn’t talked? I’m keeping my expectations low, for not disappoints later. I’m starting to think that “the right time” to contact him, if he will not contact me, will never come. Should I contact him if he will not reach out till my birthday? Do I even have a chance by the things I’ve just describe?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 4, 2020 at 10:23 am

      Hi Shelly, I would start following the program this means that you need to start doing No Contact where you are NOT focusing on him. You’re over thinking when you say you know he misses you and loves you, searching for you on social media, you have no solid proof this is just your thoughts. It is not following No Contact, or is it you focusing on yourself and your Holy Trinity. You need to start working on yourself, and change your mindset. You cannot MAKE him reach out. This program suggests that you reach out first after your No Contact is over. I suggest you read more articles so that you understand how to follow the program correctly

  10. Avatar

    Sarah

    June 7, 2020 at 8:32 pm

    Hi. My ex ended things with me and I immediately deleted him on all socials. After initially speaking in the few days after (him saying it wont work, me saying I’d like to try), ignored my 2x attempts at contact in the following 2-3 weeks. I left it 2 more weeks before I dropped his stuff off outside. He initially replied thanks but when I told him I missed him he blanked me after asking what I meant. I haven’t contacted since however he is following new girls on social media some from right after the break up (he had opened his instagram to public around 5-6 weeks after the split hence how I know). Is there a point in contacting him again? It has currently been 20 days since he last ignored me/I made contact.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 9, 2020 at 11:15 pm

      Hi Sarah, if you want your ex back then yes you need to reach out again but I suggest leaving it for 21 days of the last interaction. During which time you need to read the texting articles to prepare for your first reach out using Chris methods. Working through your Holy Trinity and becoming the best version of yourself

  11. Avatar

    Matt

    June 2, 2020 at 4:31 am

    Hi, so my ex girlfriend broke up with me about 3 days ago. We haven’t been in contact at all since then. No texts, calls, messages on social media, or anything. I want to reach out to her, but I’m a bit nervous and scared on how she’ll respond, if at all. What do I do? She hasn’t expressed any interest in even talking to me either. It has been completely silent.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 3, 2020 at 9:44 pm

      Hey Matt I would suggest that you stick to a 30 day No Contact before reaching out to your ex

  12. Avatar

    Ashley

    May 28, 2020 at 10:11 pm

    Hello. After 5 years of remaining single, I met a man who was 8 years younger than me. Me being 34 and him being 26. We fell in love, and he came to me at 8 months saying he needed to focus on himself and his career. After not speaking, he contacted me a week later telling me he loved me and he had made a mistake. During this time, I found out I was pregnant. He said we would figure it out and then broke up with me again. He blocked me on everything, and emailed me saying he respectfully wanted to move on with his life. I want to know how to change his heart and complete the no contact rule if when I do get into contact with him again, there is no way to do that aside from email.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 9, 2020 at 10:26 pm

      Hi Ashley, there is no way you can MAKE him change his mind all you can do is figure out what is best for you and baby. Read about Holy Trinity and Ungettable and work on that while you are blocked. I would suggest that you keep him updated pregnancy wise with emails but do not reach out to talk about anything else.

  13. Avatar

    Dave

    May 19, 2020 at 7:25 am

    Hello, my ex girlfriend broke up with me after 5.5 years. We are both 25. We both discussed getting married and were ecstatic to do so. However, I never had a real conversation and set up a real timeline … she probably didn’t think I was committed as I was in my head. In hindsight, I was emotionally abusive as I called her names during fights and never took any interest in what she loves. But in reality it was all I wanted. She hasn’t spoken to me in 40 days but as all of my friends and family say, that we both had that one obvious true love.. at least at one point. She loved me and it was so obvious. But I hurt her by ignoring her and didn’t even realize it at the time. I’ve texted a few times but was never overwhelming. It’s been 40 days and the most I’ve went is 17 days no contact. Is there still a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 9:38 pm

      Hi Dave, so you need to complete a full period of No Contact and work on your emotional control in that time, find things that help you cope when you feel that you need to reach out to her. Read some articles about the types of texts to send to your ex after you have completed a 45 day No Contact

  14. Avatar

    jordan

    May 9, 2020 at 9:10 am

    hi again. i have done no contact for around 30 days three times with the same result, him calmly and cold saying we will never meet again because the negative weighs so much more than the positive. he barely wants to talk to me. again, he doesn’t remember how the positive memories felt, and thinks him+me=negativity. ive been working on holy trinity as well as posting happy stuff in socialmedia but it doesn’t seem like his mind is changing at all. that is why i am wondering if it is actually possible that he will never be able to remember (the feeling of) the peak and our good times, and can stay in his negative rut for ever? is it actually possible that he will be this cold and fed up and refuse to have contact forever? i can’t understand how that’s the case when i know he still loved me breaking up with me. i’m really starting to lose hope here as rtime is passing, and i don’t know what to do.

  15. Avatar

    Nathaniel

    May 8, 2020 at 5:51 pm

    I like your analogies, they are very direct. The world is built on perspective, so use intuition. I am one that’s become greatly appreciative of my intuitive feelings, it helps me prepare. I have been very emotional and sensitive, even when I was little. My last breakup came at me fast and hard. It was out of the blue, though I knew it would end. All my past relationships have ended like this, I date, mess up and get dumped. I use words and thoughts to express my love. Constantly looking for a solution and compromise. Usually people are afraid to leave me, they may feel sorry. Though I never would know, cause I eventually stop caring. I express how I feel at the end, if it’s not reciprocated in a civil manor. I state what I feel went wrong and what I did. I try and figure out why love was lost. Eventually I get nothing but silence. My self reflection doesn’t work, my personal changes never help. Then the I get asked to be a friend, I’m a loner. What good is talking every once in awhile. That’s not friendship, that’s giving someone an opportunity to judge you. Social media says it all in the end, once that status goes to single. It ends up just being old memories of failure. They both partners wait to see who dates first and judges their ex’s partner. I remember the beginning of my last relationship. My ex had a picture of us, then a ex-partner made a racist remark. She didn’t really say anything, just agreed that I was Mexican. Which I’m not, so I carried those emotions for a long time. Angry and hurt, I knew she would repeat the same behavior. She eventually did, and we haven’t spoke in almost 3 years. I just chose to walk away from her and the friends we had in common. I just hope she can finally find someone who can take care of her.

  16. Avatar

    Eunice I Martinez

    May 6, 2020 at 10:51 pm

    What if I broke up with him and I did no contact for two weeks and I only reached out to apologize and take accountability on my part of The Break-Up? He didn’t respond, and I’m back in no contact now but have I ruined my chances altogether by sending that message? Is there anyway I can get them back after the fact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 11, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Hey Eunice, you have not ruined your chances but you are going to have to follow a 45 day NC this time around

  17. Avatar

    Christina

    April 30, 2020 at 8:57 pm

    Hi my ex and I broke up yesterday. Every time we would break up he would blow my phone up & try to get me back or express how he feels. This time he didn’t seem to care that I was breaking up with him. He has been calm , but very distant. I went to pick up the things I left at his house , & he gave them to me & didn’t look back or say anything at all. Then I was walking by in the rain and all of my stuff got wet , & he walked past me like he didn’t know me. I haven’t been texting him except for important things. Over the past day and a half , I contacted him 3 times in total & all the times he answered respectfully. Should I start no contact ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 3:43 pm

      Hi Christina, yes you need to start No Contact

  18. Avatar

    jordan

    April 27, 2020 at 9:34 am

    hello, my ex broke up with me after a big fight following a somewhat turbulent part of our relationship. turbulent meaning things being absolutely fantastic, but then a silly fight would break it down. the breakup-fight was however a big one, it was really really bad, and after it he said he no longer associated our relationship with any positive feelings, that the positive didn’t weigh in for the negative. he seemed angry and tired of it all, said he still cared very much for me, i know he still loved me, but he felt he had to choose his own happiness and that it couldn’t happen with me in his life because him+me=negativity. now i know for a fact that he too felt that most of our relationship was positive, we were a great fit and we were both having a great time, even though a fight would happen now and then. seems though, like this last fight left him with only negative memories. he remembers the positive ones, but he cannot really feel them like he can the negative and therefore they don’t matter. it seems to me he has forgotten the peak and what it felt like, he only remembers the end. so this leaves me with the fear that he actually can completely forever forget (the feelings of) the peak and all the positive things about our relationship because the negative at the end was so strong – and so i have the question: is that actually possible? with myself of course it is the opposite, i have a hard time feeling the negative things and doesn’t feel like i ever will although i remember they happened – for sure this can happen for him in the opposite way? also i am wondering, seeing as he still loved me when he broke up, does he not think (like me) about all the things that we will never get to do together again and why doesn’t that make him miss me? i’m thinking the negative is clouding this too, and it breaks my heart to think that he will always think him+me=negativity.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 5, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Jordan, so the most important thing that you do right now is follow a 45 day NC period where you give your ex a chance to stop that mentality, while also using social media to show that you can be happy positive person, its about changing his thoughts about you gradually. Be sure that you have an active No Contact period where your focus is on your Holy Trinity.

  19. Avatar

    danj

    April 22, 2020 at 8:22 pm

    Hi, my ex and I broke up a month and 10 days ago , he has blocked me everywhere and he told me that I have no chance to even talk to him again, after begging him for a week he never responded, I continued writing him messages or calling him with a private number once a few days but he did not respond, it was my fault that he dumped me but I love him so much and my heart is completely shattered I can not pass a day without crying. Should I consider NC ? It has not ever been so long that he has not written to me and I am so afraid that he will never come back we were together for like one year and half

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 10:26 am

      Hi Danj, yes definitely go into a NC and do so for 45 days and work on your emotional control during that time. Give your ex the space they want and need right now

  20. Avatar

    Emilia

    April 19, 2020 at 9:49 am

    I dated this really sweet guy from january to march, and it’s almost a month since he broke up with me. Things just started to get a little hard since we both (college students) had to go home to quarantine. He said he had feelings for me but he wasnt sure if he could give me 100% of himself right now, and he wanted to remain in touch and as friends which I said no. When I cried on the phone breaking up he cried too and said he’d miss me and more than anything I became his best friend. I am currently doing no contact rule. After he broke up with me he was tweeting stuff about being happy and now almost a month later he’s tweeting about being sad and having “existential crises”. He was always a super sweet and caring guy and I miss him a lot. It just makes me sad that it’s almost been a month and he hasn’t checked up on me, and the tweets are obviously making me think that he wants me to see that he feels sad and lost, but I don’t want to reach out since he dumped me and I don’t think its fair for me to do that. I am sad every day but I am not tweeting about it. From an outside perspective, no one would even know I’m going through a breakup. I just wish he’d text and I’d like to know why he isn’t.

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