By Rachel

absense aIf I were to take all of the most common questions that are asked about the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program and run the data on them, they would likely look something like this:

“Will no contact make him miss me?”

“Will he miss me if I go no contact?”

“Will he miss me if I cut him off?”

“If I let him go will he come back?”

“Will he miss me if I stop texting him?”

You’ve probably figured this out by now because you’re an intelligent person, but all of those questions are essentially asking the same thing:

“If I start to ignore my ex, will it help him to miss me?”

Though No Contact has been proven to work, there are still so many women who get anxious about the idea of cutting their ex off or ignoring them completely.

I get it.

It seems counter-intuitive.

If you want someone to be re-attracted to you, why would you push them away? But the thing is, it does work. And we’re going to discuss why.

We’re actually going to cover a couple things here in this article:

First, we’re going to talk about the psychology of why distance and time are important after a breakup, the mindset your guy is in post-breakup, and why you need to give him space for a while.

Then we’ll discuss my favorite, No Contact, and how it should be successfully implemented.

Finally, we’ll cover the phenomena of moving on without moving on and how and why it works. Like, it’s scary how well it works.


What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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The Psychology of Distance and Time

“Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder”

This quote has been around for decades and is quoted in popular culture all the time. It’s become a cliché, of sorts, but clichés often have a basis of truth.

It would be nice if breakups were neat and tidy, with both parties shaking hands and parting ways in a calm, adult-like manner. But unfortunately, when it comes to matters of the heart, emotions tend to make it hard for things to be that simple.

Chances are, unless you were very lucky, your breakup was not neat and tidy.

Perhaps there was cheating involved and it was a big dramatic breakup, or maybe there were unkind words said on either side. Whatever the cause, your ex boyfriend needs some time to forget the drama and emotional intensity of the breakup.

In addition to that, chances are that he needs some time to forget the things he didn’t like about you or your relationship. It is, unfortunately, the case for all of us that after some time of being together we start seeming a little less perfect to our partners.

Our flaws begin to show.

Maybe we begin to work less hard at the relationship or forget about our own health and goals. I have definitely been guilty of this. In short, the magic and mystery leave the relationship and are replaced by something more valuable, but a little less exciting: comfort.

By distancing yourself from your ex after a breakup, you are creating an aura of mystery and allure around yourself. Your ex used to know what you were up to every second of the day, but now, he doesn’t have that privilege anymore.

So we’ve established why the absence is important psychologically. Now let’s talk about the second part of that quote: how does is make the heart grow fonder?

In the direct aftermath of the breakup, your ex boyfriend may be feeling some sadness, but he may also feel some relief. After all, he broke up with you. If he changes his mind at any point, surely you will be sitting by the phone waiting for him, never having looked at another man while you were separated.


Though you may worry that pulling a total disappearing act on your ex will have the opposite effect, it actually is more likely to help him miss you.

Think about it. If you are there and available to him, answering his texts and liking his Facebook statuses, he will know he can get you back if he wants you.

That does not create any urgency.

It also doesn’t give him a chance to miss you.

How is he going to remember how great a girlfriend you were if you’re still making yourself available to him every moment of every day just like you were when you were together?

He won’t get the chance to miss you if you do that. It’s that simple.

But with time and space away, two things will begin to happen in your ex’s brain:

  1. He will begin to remember what an awesome girlfriend you are, and all the joy and laughter you brought to his life. He’ll remember the soup you brought him when he was sick, the time you surprised him with tickets to see his favorite band when they were in town, the time you held him and cried with him when his grandfather died. He will remember all of the good things. With time apart from each other, all of the fights, the yelling, and the criticism will all disappear and will be replaced with memories of all of the positive things from your relationship. And the seed will be planted: “She was great. Maybe I made a mistake…”
  2. The other thing that will begin to happen is that your ex will become curious. You were a part of each other’s day-to-day life before, but he hasn’t talked to you in a few weeks now, maybe a month. However, after you stopped responding to his texts he will have started checking out your social media. From there he will see all the pictures of you out with friends, and posts about the fun and exciting things you are accomplishing. Another seed will begin to sprout “does she even miss me?” And then more texts will go unanswered from you, and he’ll start to hear from mutual friends if you are dating. Maybe he’ll even see a photo of you out with another guy and another frantic seed will take root: “Has she moved on?”

This is how you create a dynamic of absence, thus making the heart grow fonder. But the real treat is that it also creates an urgency in your ex’s brain – the distance and space make him question if you’ve moved on and if it’s possible that he’s lost you forever.

What this really means is that you’ve got him exactly where you want him.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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No Contact

So hopefully the above section has convinced you WHY you should absolutely do No Contact.

But how does one successfully execute a successful No Contact period?

The secret is another thing that may seem counterintuitive:

No Contact is NOT about your ex. It’s about YOU.

Another common mistake I see people do during No Contact is to continue focusing and obsessing over their ex – and to constantly find ways to justify it.

Earlier, we were talking about planting seeds in your ex’s brain first while ignoring him, and that will come easily and naturally if you put yourself first.

Women have such a tendency to put other people’s needs above our own. But now is the time to focus on you.

Sure, during No Contact you should post about all the changes you’re making and all the fun you’re having on social media for him and his sphere of influence to see. But, don’t get too obsessive about it.

No Contact is about you and what you want to accomplish to be a better, happier person – with or without your ex. The only person that you will for sure be spending the rest of your life with is yourself, so you should put as much effort into learning to love yourself as you can.

Look at The Holy Trinity of health, wealth, and relationships, and consider what you can do to lead a more fulfilling, joyful life. My guess is that, while you were in your relationships, your friendships may have been neglected. That is what usually happens when someone gets wrapped up in a new relationship.

So, call up some old friends and get sushi or something. Start a workout routine – it will help you get into shape. No to mention, physical activity produces feel-good chemicals in the brain, so you’ll feel better too.

Are you feeling stuck at your job? Start revamping that resume and putting it out there to feel out a potential career move.

No Contact can be turned into such a wonderful opportunity if you fully commit to completing it.

It makes me sad when I see girls in our Private EBR Facebook Group who spend all of No Contact obsessing over their ex.

You can’t control if your ex is going out on dates and sleeping around, or if he’s going to text you back once you complete No Contact. The only thing you can control is YOU. I’ll say this again because it is important that you know it…

The only person you are guaranteed to get to live with until the end of your days is YOU. Do you see what I’m getting at, here?

Every time you feel the urge to obsess over your ex, throw yourself into something that will benefit your Holy Trinity. I have seen many success stories come from the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Facebook Group, and the one thing that they all have in common is that all women, not only successfully completed No Contact where they ignored their ex boyfriend for 21, 30, or 45 days, but also DESTROYED  The Holy Trinity (in a good way) and became happier with themselves, so that even if they didn’t get their ex back, they were happier with who they are. And honestly, that is what the Ex Boyfriend Recovery journey is about.

Moving on Without Moving On

So far, this article has been about the power of ignoring and the impact it can have on your ex boyfriend recovery journey if you do it correctly.

There is one other concept I want to cover, and that is Moving on Without Moving on.


Guy breaks up with Girl.

Girl is very upset and cries a lot.

Girl sits on couch eating ice cream for days and Guy goes out partying.

Girl keeps trying to talk to Guy, who ignores her.

Time passes.

Girl begins to feel better.

Guy begins to feel worse.

Girl isn’t over guy yet, but decides to start trying dating.

Girl Meets someone amazing.

Guy starts to realize what he lost.

Guy asks girl to catch up and tells her how he feels…

Girl is over it. She’s moved on.

Sorry, Guy.


I have seen this happen time and time again.

Hell, I’ve lived this!

My last ex confessed that he was still in love with me and that no girl he has dated since even compared. But, by that point, I was happily involved in a new relationship and shot him down.

Hey, I was as nice as I could be about it. I didn’t pull a Princess Peach.

It always seems to be that the moment you let go and decide to move on… poof – they’re back.

It’s the push/pull theory at work. When you’re making an effort, your ex knows that they could have you back if they wanted to, so there is no urgency. You’re pushing, and they’re pulling away.

However, when you make the choice to move on, you stop pushing. Your ex feels that energy shift, and so they begin pushing back. That is why moving on without moving on can be so effective, and why you should use the push/pull theory even before you make the call to move on.

Don’t be too available. Make him work. Don’t put up with rude behavior. Don’t give him whatever he wants. Stand up for yourself. There are so many things you can do to set boundaries and make sure your ex is working for your attention. Above it all, stop contacting him contsantly. Let him come to you.

Moving on is one of the most effective ways to get your ex back. If you make the decision to move on, even though you still love your ex, that energy shifts. And you know what? Either your ex will come back, or you will be on your way to moving on to bigger and better things.

Take Back the Power

Ignoring someone can be a very powerful tool.

Hell, in the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a girl named Marcie Ross was ignored so much in high school that she literally turned invisible:

“People perceived Marcie as, as, as invisible,  […] and she became so.”

– Giles, “Out of Mind, Out of Sight”

Every day I see how effective No Contact is at getting under the skin of the guys that the women in the group are trying to get back.

Being ignored makes you feel like you don’t matter – like you actually are invisible.

I know it’s hard to start ignoring the guy you still love, but if you want to get him back, the best thing you can do is to give him some time and space to live with the repercussions of his decisions and let those seeds take root.

And while he is off remembering how awesome you are, you take care of yourself so that you can remember how awesome you are, too.


The Take-Away

Alright, so e have covered a lot of information here today. But, all in all, the take away should explain WHEN you should leave your ex alone and HOW it effects him. If you missed that, you would be ignoring him during No Contact and using that time to make your life epic. Then you will use the EBR guidelines from the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Book to reconnect and build rapport. If you successfully complete No Contact and ignore him for the full amount of time, then you are more likely to be successful with reconnecting, building rapport, and essentially getting him back.

So, now that you are fully equipped to get your ex back by ignoring him, let’s talk about your breakup in the comments below. Let me know about your breakup;

  1. What caused it
  2. What you’ve done since
  3. What you think you are supposed to do next

From there we are going to discuss what your best next step is.

What to Read Next

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60 thoughts on “If I Leave My Ex Alone Will He Miss Me?”

  1. Avatar


    July 15, 2020 at 9:40 am

    Hi, me and my ex broke up a month ago we are in alevels together and corona did make things difficult but we managed! But anyway he thought I was lying about something not really that deep but I wasn’t and I got my sister to back me up and he did not like that and dumbed me. I’ve not seen him since then as we are Ovs in corona but it’s so hard to let go because my mind is telling me he is coming back when we see each other although that seems to be highly unlikely as I said when he dumbed me if it’s meant to be we will come back and he said no he would never flirt or date me again. However I haven’t really done no contact like the most has been like 5 day’s as he texted me onec as I want to leave the school we are both at but he didn’t think I should and that made me think he cared about me but then a day later I explained why I wanted to leave and he had a go at me and just said you do what you want and all the best and he thought all these bad things of me and then ignored me. I also messaged him onec to say I just want us to be on good terms and he said we are and that was it and then messaged to say Thankyou for helping me with my theory I appreciate it and he said “no worries I hope it helped:)” anyway we dated for 8 months but he liked me for 2 years I think. it’s now summer so I won’t see him till September and he isn’t talking to any other girl he just works and plays with his boys on PlayStation but I miss him and love him so much and it feels like it’s getting harder not easier. As I really really want him back in my life and idk why he dosnt miss me

  2. Avatar


    June 1, 2020 at 3:06 pm

    I have a unique situation. My ex and i broke up in October after it being an on and off type relationship. When we first split, I cut communication completely and then a few weeks later he asked if we could be friends. I agreed to this even though i knew it would be hard. Our friendship has been so rocky, and i think that’s because feelings are still very high. We would fight constantly, even more then when we were together. A couple weeks ago, we kind of blew up at each through texting and I haven’t spoke to him since. He told me to stay away from every one. But then this past weekend, he asked a mutual friend if he could come to a party I was at. I told the friend I didn’t think that was a good idea and that we need to talk first and apologize. So he basically never showed up and now i feel like i should of asked him to come so we can talk. I hope i’m doing this right. The not communicating and such. I just want to know if I’m on the right path to reconciling and making things with him even better than before. I don’t want him to start hating me and never want anything to do with me anymore. Please help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 8:41 pm

      Hey Robin, I would suggest that you spend your time in the longer No Contact period so that you give your ex some time apart and yourself some time to work on your Holy Trinity and to become Ungettable. Chris has many articles to help you with this so that at the end of your No Contact you can plan and prepare a text that is going to capture your exes attention and create a short but positive conversation with your ex

  3. Avatar

    alyssa brito

    May 3, 2020 at 6:49 am

    Hi, 1 broke up with my ex 3 months ago because i caught him cheating. Weve been together for 4 years. This is our 2nd breakup and the reason is still the same. We also have a small business that started last yr only. And i am so hurt because despite everything i did for him, he still have time to flirt with other girls. When i broke up with him, he never talk to me anymore and he is so mad at me and badmouthing me to all our friends in the office. Just after a month, he has a new girl but they dont post it on public. Its been 3 months since we broke up but i cant move on. I am still so hurt and i dont know if he will realize my worth. I didnt contact him since february and he is showing that life is happier without me.

  4. Avatar

    Courtney J

    March 18, 2020 at 3:16 pm

    My ex Fiancé broke up with me nearly 2 weeks ago, we’d been together for nearly 6 year, been engaged for 10 months and had lived together for almost 4 years. He broke up with me because he said he wasn’t happy and felt he was putting in most of the effort in intimacy wise, it came totally out of the blue as he’d never said he wasn’t happy before and he never seemed unhappy. I am completely heartbroken, we were saving to buy a house and talking about having a baby etc. We’ve been in no contact now for a week and I just feel totally lost, I’ve been blocked on all social media and my number has been blocked, to begin with I begged and begged for him to take me back and realised I wasn’t getting anywhere so decided to just not contact him in the hopes he’ll miss me, will this work? I’m so scared that he’s not going to come back and it just seems to hurt more and more as time goes by. He really is my soulmate and I don’t want to lose him for good.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 11:46 pm

      Hi Courtney, completing a no contact is going to allow your ex the chance to miss you. I would suggest that you reflect on your intimacy in the relationship to see if there is any truth in what he said he felt. Take on board that he hadnt communicated this with you before the breakup too.

  5. Avatar


    March 13, 2020 at 10:15 am

    So I started dating a guy in November and we fell for eachother hard. By January we had already had a few arguements and kept breaking up and getting back together. We broke up start of February and by end of February he had messaged to say he misses me etc so we met up and ended up getting back together. We broke up within a week and I did all the stuff I shouldn’t do – message, call and cry to him. He has now blocked me on all platforms and I cannot contact him. The conversation ended with us agreeing that our hearts say yes but our heads say no.

    Do you think that now I should just let go forever and not bother trying to contact him or would the 30 days no contact still be an option? What if he hasn’t contacted me or even unblocked me by this stage?
    I love him very much 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 1:40 am

      Hi J yes 30 days No contact would still be an option! Give the program a go by reading as much information as you can to your situation and then apply this. Work on yourself and make sure that you work on becoming the best version of yourself

  6. Avatar


    February 2, 2020 at 2:38 am

    Hi there. My ldr ex fiancé of 2 years broke up with me 5 days ago. It wasn’t over a fight, we didn’t say any nasty things. He told me that he feels stuck in life with his job and school and at home, he feels overworked and that he doesn’t have time to just be him. He explained that even though he still loves me that he doesn’t have the mental space to be able to be in any relationship right now and that it wasn’t me. He explained that if he had his own place and was settled with a job etc he would then be able to take on a relationship. He told me I’m so pretty and I could get any guy I want, that there are other good guys out there (I think he was also starting to have low self esteem from not being in the gym etc) but when I said I’m not thinking of other guys and that I really want him, he said he knows how I feel because he doesn’t think there will be anyone after me. We had a plan for me to come over for the summer, and next year to close the gap after college. Maybe he felt smothered by me or realized he wanted more time to really focus on school and his career. When I said hey maybe we might get back together down the road he said maybe. That he doesn’t know exactly how long it will take for him and that he doesn’t want me to feel pressured to wait for him. We agreed to keep open communication (aka not block eachother) I tried to negotiate because I obviously love him and was willing to be flexible but he had already made his decision of what he thinks is right. I didn’t beg, I didn’t get angry and I stayed strong. I said I love you, and he said I love you too. The call ended and I immediately went into no contact and haven’t said anything since. Currently I haven’t been on my social medias. No Instagram or Twitter or Snapchat. I’ll occasionally repost a cute animal video on Facebook but that’s it. His friends and mom/sister are still friends with me, nobodies reached out. I don’t know if they even know yet. I’m left feeling so many emotions. I really love this man but after reading your article I love myself more. I want to better myself. I think those are my next steps. I don’t plan to post or even go on my socials for the time being except animal vids on Facebook. I am sad, but there’s nothing I can really do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 17, 2020 at 8:52 am

      Samantha, well done you! This is amazing post and you have dealt with this situation perfectly! Keep going strong <3

  7. Avatar


    May 21, 2019 at 8:50 am

    Hi, he broke up with me 3 days ago, today is day 4. The moment he broke up with me I went to take my belongings from his place and I left the stuff he bought for me. I blocked on fb, unfollowed on ig- and haven’t contacted him since.

    He seems to be in contact with my mom to ask me how I am, but my mom a replied a bit I told her to tell him that I am uncomfortable with her updating him with my life, so she did.

    His dad has texted me to apologise about the bad timing as well (exams in 3 weeks) and was really kind to me m, hoping to see me after I’m done with my postgraduate.

    We’ve been together for two years, he thinks it’s long enough to know we’re incompatible, a connection is missin and such – but I suspect he wants to explore whether there is someone better out there that fits his criteria 10/10.

    We had big arguments last time but recently before the break up we were working constructively at our problems and he acknowledges I can change for the better as well but he just can’t feel the ‘connection’.

    I am his first committed girlfriend, and his first in bed. I think we have a healthy relationship and would make a great team. But it seems that he doesn’t feel so suddenly. He says he thought about it for awhile and it’s rational and he doesn’t feel committed anymore.

    As I said, I haven’t been in contact w him since the break up and have been busy rebuilding myself and focusing on myself bc previously I was focusing on the RS. I’m going on a date tomorrow.

    But I want him back bc I know we got something good and healthy.

  8. Avatar


    April 15, 2019 at 1:09 am


    My boyfriend and I had been together for almost 4 years, lived together for almost a year. We went to high school together. I’m 19 and he’s 21. He broke up with me a few days before our anniversary. Anyway here’s the time line.

    So Friday the 5th, he just seems quiet and tells me I’m a little selfish and that I need to stop hounding him because our relationship isn’t on the rocks. Which I was like alright well I will clean more and worry about myself. Give him some space.

    My cousins came over the weekend before our breakup date (he left me Monday the 8th, and it’s now the 14th). We had so much fun and got drunk. My cousins all talked to me about how distant my SO seemed towards me, and how he doesn’t answer when I say I love him. During this time my cat runs out of our place and because I’m drunk I have a breakdown. My cousin is waiting for my SO to hold me while I cry, but he didn’t come around to help me. My cousin held me while I cried.

    I eventually got my cat back when I calmed down and looked. My SO was off. So they leave, and my SO goes out and comes back late. I try to snuggle him when he got home but he pushed me away. He goes to work Monday the 8th and I know something is off because he left the house without saying he loved me. So I was panicking and texted him to meet me for coffee.

    He shows up and just says we need to take it slow. Then says we need a break. Then says he’s completely done with me. He began to say how unappreciative and disrespectful I am towards him. How I have a bad attitude and behavior. How I’m childish. I was heartbroken completely. The man I loved was just tearing me apart. He said the truth hurts doesn’t it.

    I asked why he was making it out to be like I was such a horrible woman. I was shocked. I told him I was sexually frustrated because he never wanted me. He said he was sexually frustrated too because there wasn’t any emotion anymore. I said I don’t need him but I still want him. He said well I don’t want you and I don’t love you. I said I feel like you haven’t loved me in a long time. He said alright see ya. He walked off leaving me breaking down in public.

    I called my friend (let’s call him C, he’s our mutual friend). C says he’s on his way to pick me up. My now ex calls me saying he’ll take me home and he doesn’t trust me with C (keep in mind I would never do anything with C, or any other man.) I told my ex he can’t control me anymore since he broke up with me. I go with C to his house. My mom, who lives 6 hours away, drives up to where I live at 11 pm. We get to a hotel and that’s that. I go home for a week (this is now the 6th day home) and since then my ex has put up our house on Facebook, says he’s looking for a roommate. Most of my stuff is already packed. I’m leaving soon to go and get my stuff. I haven’t talked to him since he called me saying not to go with C.

    From what I hear he’s having a hard time, he wants space. If he doesn’t want me back, I’ll have to move 6 hours away. My friends who are also friends with hunter say I need to give him space and it wouldn’t benefit to talk to him right now. Is it possible to do no contact in this situation? Should I talk to him about any of this? I really need help guys. I love this man with all my heart, and I love my home, I love my job. I don’t want to lose it all and I really don’t want to lose my best friend. Please help me, I am at rock bottom. I’m so confused what to do.

  9. Avatar


    February 12, 2019 at 11:21 pm

    Hi chris! I wanted to message you as I’ve been reading your blogs for the last 4 weeks but haven’t seen a comment close to my situation so I will explain and hopefully you can give me some words of wisdom!

    So basically, me and my ex broke up about 2 months ago he said he wasn’t happy in himself and couldn’t make me happy whilst he felt like that. We ended it by saying we would have no contact and see eachother 3 weeks later after Christmas. We did text a little bit throughout the following 2 weeks and then the 3rd week I got a huge paragraph telling me that I’m amazing and none of this is my fault and to let me know he was okay but he wasn’t sure if he can give me what I need. So I obviously got upset and replied saying it’s not fair he then said this is the problem and I’m very argumentative! So I called him as texting was just getting heated and he said to me that I nag and get angry I got sad and he had to go close the shop at work. I then thought it wasn’t fair so I called him back and said I’m coming to get my stuff tonight you can’t message me all that and then expect me to let you say it. He then said he was sorry he sent it and to ignore it and he’s not good with words but I said I wasn’t waiting another week and I would come up in 2 days. So I did, I honestly thought he’d see me and change his mind but he didn’t he said I was horrible and didn’t realise what I said and I cried so much. I left and the following day I messaged him to say how sorry I was and he said seeing me cry made him realise how much he loved and missed me. We agreed to no contact at all until the date we originally planned to see eachother (8 days later) and I also asked him not to message me Christmas Day as it would ruin my day. he text me everyday.. he said ‘just wanted you to know your all I can think about’ he messaged me Christmas Eve ‘I hope you have a good day tomorrow’ I then woke up to a text Christmas Day and again Boxing Day and then I saw him the following day he then said he had to let me go and it wasn’t fair! So we left it I then spoke to him a few days later but it didn’t go well he said we have to leave it and he doesn’t know how he’ll feel to meet up again. Following day it was New Year’s Eve didn’t hear a word all day, got into bed and midnight and my phone went off it was him asking me to go round. He lives 45 minutes away but I stupidly went! When I got there he was so drunk so I left him to Sort himself out and he slept on the sofa. He went to work in the morning and came back at lunch time he said I could stay and watch films with him so I did we had a chat when he got back and he said he wanted to see me again once a week and make it fun again! So we planned to see eachother a few days later. We didn’t speak and the day before he called me saying to reschedule but he seemed weird and I questioned it he said he’d been worrying again about everything and wasn’t sure if he wanted to see me. I said out of respect you need to see me! And then he said ok. We didn’t speak till I got there, I didn’t want to question everything I just wanted to show him we can still have fun! I ended up staying and we slept together, spent all of the next day together and then i packed up all my stuff and he cried he said everything will work out and if we’re meant to be together we will be. I didn’t speak to him for a week and then i saw he got a big deal on a job and felt it was right to congratulate him. We spoke non stop for 2 days! I said would be nice to go for a coffee in a few weeks and he agreed! He also started explaining to me how he also got another job and got on a new football team without me asking. A few days later we were talking and he was flirting. So I said about staying over when I meet him and he freaked out and said he couldn’t see me. I then did the no contact rule for 15 days. Day 15 I went for dinner with his friends girlfriends (my friends too) one told me he said similar things to his ex when they broke up though when he said them to me he said he’d never said it before! I started getting upset and couldn’t not say anything but I couldn’t text or call in case he ignored me. So I drove to his and knocked on the door. He was shocked! We sat in my car and spoke and said it was all lies. He said the break up hasn’t been that bad as he’s been busy with work. He then started to tell me he’s getting a new car and moving in with one of his friends that I won’t be happy about (a girl friend that says stupid stuff without thinking but is literally just a friend) again without me asking anything to do with either! I said all he thinks about are the negative stuff but he said he’s been thinking positive and does miss me but I had annoyed him a lot by turning up and he said there’s a good chance we might not get back together now but he might miss me in a few months and went back inside. The next day I said to him I didn’t want it to end like that but I couldn’t have not said anything he said bye I don’t need this I went abit crazy with messaging and said he’ll realise I’m the one and the grass isn’t greener but it will be too late when he does and he didn’t reply. A few days later I thought he is just thinking I’m there on a plate so i messaged and said to him I deserve to be treated better the last 2 months he’s shown his true colours and it’s not someone I want in my life he told me that there’s someone out there better suited for me and he doesn’t think we should speak again. I didn’t reply! I then put a post on Facebook the following day about a new job I’ve got and he unfriended me straight away. It’s like he can’t bare to see that I do well. Of course partly it was a dig to make him think I’m ok without him but still! I don’t know what to think or what to do!!!

  10. Avatar


    January 1, 2019 at 9:23 pm

    My child father leave me with our child, but now he say he still love me,he put me true hell. Will he pay for what he did to me

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 2, 2019 at 5:39 am

      Time for you to focus on your own needs and healing and there are a lot of recovery activities that can help you.

  11. Avatar


    November 21, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    I’ve known my ex for about 9 months. Its been an off and on relationship as he is dealing with personal issues not related to me. During that time he got really depressed and shut me out (I also think he has ptsd but never admitted it), I completely cut contact with him in October so I could be happy with myself again. A month later he texted me and fb messaged apologizing and saying he’d return my key along with ask any questions, after seeing me at a work lunch (We do work together but not the same departments/building so occasionally have to walk past each other.) I responded saying we could talk because he said he wants to talk about what’s happened and what we are going to do about it but he never showed up. a week later I demanded he brought my key back because I got impatient waiting for him to be ready for “the talk” but when he did show I made him sit down and talk to me for 10 minutes. He told me how hes working on improving himself (going to gym/therpay) but can only focus on himself right now. From a previous month I witnessed him at a very low point and it effected me emotionally (cuz I didnt know how to help) and I feel like he shut me out to protect me from his unhappiness.

    When I grabbed his hands he claimed how much he still loves me then started rubbing just my ring finger and looking at it. He also said hes missed me so much he just doesnt have all the answers yet but will talk to me when he does. When he was leaving I hugged him and he pulled me in for a kiss, with a look of how badly he misses kissing me. He said it wasnt goodbye and “the talk” would come sooner but it’s been a couple weeks again of no contact, I’m afraid to text him even tho he said he’d respond, I dont know what to say.

    We have talked about a future together and he did promise he’d put a ring on my finger someday and still did. He also said I did not need to wait for him that he will do whatever to win me back when hes ready.
    I’m just so worried he wont try to win me back after he figures his stuff out and if he loved me so much why cant we have this talk. I understand he needs to be happy with himself first (not just because I make him). Should I do no contact again and let him come to me? I’m trying to be patient, I’ve already not talked to him for 2 weeks after getting my key back, would it be awkward to reach out? How can I help him or show support that I’m not giving up on our future together? Does he even still want to be with me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 22, 2018 at 3:48 am

      Hi C…I do think you should see NC through. Pick up my Guide to help you along if need be or tap into the vast library of resources at my site!

  12. Avatar


    September 10, 2018 at 8:00 pm

    My boyfriend of 2 years just dumped me a few days ago. It was around our 3rd week of starting college he is a few years older and transferred to a university after community college. He initiated a break because he was not sure how he felt about breaking up. A week later he ended it officially saying he enjoyed the freedom and didn’t feel the same anymore. I still talk to him because I miss him but I want to stop to make him miss me. I believe that moving to a new city and college was overwhelming for him and that pushed his feelings for me away and made him think being single was the best option. What should I do? Will he regret his decision and try to get back with me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 11, 2018 at 12:44 am

      Hi Seth!

      I know things are still fresh in your mind and raw. I have a lot resources here that can help you with the personal recovery end. So it seems employing no contact would be a good tactic for you. You can learn all about that here in my books and other resources on the site (see home page).

  13. Avatar

    Deanna Legros

    May 12, 2018 at 4:14 pm

    im so confused about my current situation and what to do. My ex and I were together for 10 years and we have 2 kids together. There was some infedelity on his part and we tried to work through it but the lack of trust and unresolved issues took a toll and we eventually got to a point where all we did was fight and yell and hurt each other instead of fixing anything. We never really knew how to properly communicate. So we broke up and it was not smooth by any means. We have been apart for two months now and he has a sex buddy already although he wants no relationship with anyone according to him. I try to give him space but it seems he always tries to lure me back in. Im confused about what he wants cause he tells me hes in love with me still and hes taking time to focus on himself and the kids and then will in time see how things are but then minutes later he says hes 100% done with me and doesnt think we could ever work out ever again. I truly believe he doesnt even know what he wants and hes just tryin to put on a front to cover up and hurt from getting to him or showing me that hes hurt. I know the love and passion are still there cause when we talk it becomes a heated argument cause theirs obviously a lot of hurt and feelings still left and neither of us seems to be able to just walk away. Help!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 12, 2018 at 11:16 pm

      Hi Deanna…Maybe a big break from each other, might underscore how how valuable you are to him (from his perspective). He seems to have had things his way and doesn’t appear to appreciate what you have offered to him over these 10 hears. Consider a form of limited contact. I suspect something needs to be done to break this up/down cycle. Having a sex buddy sure doesn’t help things in the long run. Use this time to reflect about what you want. Right now you are in the middle of it and so close to it, it can be hard to gain the perspective you need to decide how much more you want to invest in him. For ongoing support, consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group (website Menu/Products link). It is a terrific place where people share and help each other. Go read up on it!

    2. Avatar

      Deanna Legros

      May 12, 2018 at 11:35 pm

      thanks for the response. I started a minimal no contact because we do still have to discuss the kids and see each other during drop off/pick up so its definitely difficult. Do you think he often portrays little hurt or emotion about not being in a relationship with me because he genuinely doesnt care or is happy.. or is it more the male ego hiding his true feelings. Cause I see more in his face and eyes then what he says.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 13, 2018 at 12:10 am

      Guys can delude themselves when it involves their feelings. They can also push feelings away to avoid confronting them. They can be confused and uncertain as to what is best. Guilt can weigh on one’s behavior. So lots of stuff could be going on. Over 10 years, people put down roots and that is not easy to pull up. So, yes, I do think there is more going on beneath the surface. Minimal contact could be helpful, but kill him with kindness in whatever little exchanges you might have and quite frankly, that plays on the guilt and grows your value in his eyes.

  14. Avatar


    May 1, 2018 at 9:31 pm

    I’m not sure what caused outlr break up. He says I treat him badly and talk badly to him, That’s not the case he is a manipulator and doesn’t see things as they really are. Maybe I’m better off without him but it still hurts so much. He owns the house we live in and told me to move out with my 2 kids, he stated at his moms for the weekend and I started packing. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do next but I’m doing the no contact with So far 2 slips but they were nothing about us or me crying it was about my kids. He has text me and I haven’t replied.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 1, 2018 at 10:02 pm

      Hi Magen…I agree….people who are manipulators seldom take responsbility for their actions and cast blame elsewhere. Breakups will hurt for lots of reasons. We kind of get addicted to our partner chemically in our brain, so when things go wrong and we get separated, its like an addict need a fix to get them through the day. You should consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. I have about 1500 members and the women are very supportive of each other. I do weekly live webcasts there as well. Learn more if you wish by going to my website Menu and clicking on the Products link. Check that out as you may find some resources there to help you. Also reach out to your own support system to plan for other complications that might arise as to your living arrangements. He could be behaving really badly, but may come to regret his behavior sooner than your realize. The text may have been made from guilt. Just take your time with any important decisions and focus on those things that are priorities for you right now.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 1, 2018 at 10:02 pm

      Hi Magen…I agree….people who are manipulators seldom take responsbility for their actions and cast blame elsewhere. Breakups will hurt for lots of reasons. We kind of get addicted to our partner chemically in our brain, so when things go wrong and we get separated, its like an addict need a fix to get them through the day. You should consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. I have about 1500 members and the women are very supportive of each other. I do weekly live webcasts there as well. Learn more if you wish by going to my website Menu and clicking on the Products link. Check that out as you may find some resources there to help you. Also reach out to your own support system to plan for other complications that might arise as to your living arrangements. He could be behaving really badly, but may come to regret his behavior sooner than your realize. The text may have been made from guilt. Just take your time with any important decisions and focus on those things that are priorities for you right now.

  15. Avatar


    April 17, 2018 at 3:35 pm

    Hi, things were going great with my boyfriend of almost 4 months and he suddenly broke up with me, I think he became very overwhelmed with the way things were progressing. I always followed his lead but he’d get excited and rush into things (tell me he loves me, ask me to be his girlfriend, meet his parents). I knew he had issues from his past relationship that ended almost 3 years ago, that he just couldn’t move past. When he broke up with me he said that he’s emotionally unavailable and that he loves me and I’m his best friend but that it’s not fair to me and that he needs to be honest with himself and me and end our relationship. He also said he’s got a lot going on with his living situation (he’s selling his house and is moving a little farther away) and career (not sure what that means since he works for his dad’s company). He also said that all his friends had told him that he needed to talk to me and let me know what was going on, which i thought was really weird. He said he knew I’d be fine because i know my worth and am an incredible woman blah, blah. I didn’t act ideally as he was breaking up with me but the next morning I texted him saying I feel bad for the way i left and understand his decision and wished him the best. I then unfollowed him on Instagram and began NC. He then reacted and unfollowed me on Instagram, deleted everything of us (even comments) and deleted me on Snapchat but kept me on Facebook. We were supposed to go to a concert together a couple weeks later and he posted all over Instagram that he took another girl and tagged her (he doesn’t know that I know that she’s just a friend and that this was to make me jealous). I’m on day 24 of NC but have heard nothing from him. I’ve been trying to just move on with my life and have been posting pics of me doing things i love to do, showing that I am not dying of heartache. Do I even have a chance?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 17, 2018 at 11:13 pm

      Hi Monica….yes, it seems he can let his emotions run away. I think you are right, it does sound like a jealousy play. I think you are on the right track in how you are handling this. If you have my ebook and are following my comprehensive blueprint, great. If not, then go take a look at it as it might be of help to you or you may seem some other resources that you have interest in. Just click my website menu/Products link and you can take a deeper dive into any other resources that will benefit you.

    2. Avatar


      April 18, 2018 at 12:23 am

      Thanks, Chris. I’ll check it out. Do you think he will even contact me again? It kind of seems like a lost cause at this point because it’s been 24 days and still nothing.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 5:24 am

      Hi again Monica! Naah…24 days is not so long. Just get your game plan together (using my comprehensive ebook) and you will learn to drop him some little breadcrumbs that follows back to you. There are way to optimize the chances of a response from him when the time is right.

  16. Avatar


    April 8, 2018 at 11:09 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend and I are having issues with our relationship. I feel as though I’m not getting enough attention (long distance relationship to begin with)…. we sort of broke up but we didn’t.. it is very complicated.

    We met online and we use to talk a lot but then all of a sudden he stops talking to me/ignoring me- his actions upset me so much so I blocked and deleted him on my pm… this actions drove him insane and went to my other social media and was begging to speak with me. He wants to know what he did, when I told him that we don’t talk as much anyway so there is no reason to be on each other messenger. This has him flipping out on me and telling me that I was being childlish , and unstable etc. so I said I was hurt by what he said and I told him I will honor his request not to talk… then this has him flipping out again saying that’s not what he’s saying… anyway after this argument, he was back to my pm and we spoke a bit, he said he love me etc but then he’s very cold and distant at the same time… same place we were and this is why I block and deleted him in the first place.. he’s being cold and distant is not what I want in the relationship.. so I told him that we need to implement a 3 week no contact so that we can figure things out and I want to remain friends etc.. and this way we will both move on.. again he flipped out on me OMG… so I apologize and I told him I’m being matured enough to talk this through.. and he said goodbye.. so I said ok if that’s what you want I will accept your wishes and he told me that he’s not the one asking to not talk for 3 weeks.. I felt bad when he said that he said that so I continue talking to him… back to square one, the type of relationship I don’t want (cold and distant, love me and miss me only when he wants to talk) .. finally, today I decided, I will not remove him from social media, I will not login to our messenger (he won’t see a green light showing I’m online)… I will just ignored him and vanished for awhile. I’m not sure if I’m making the right decision but I love him so much and miss him so much but I take pride in my self and I want to treated good in the relationship. I want to feel secure and I want to know that he loves me 100%.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:26 am

      Hello Grace…I agree with you decision to implement the 3 week NC. Getting that secure feeling is important and the time will allow you both to figure things out.

  17. Avatar


    April 7, 2018 at 1:43 pm

    So, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago because he feels “unhappy”. But we’d just celebrated our 4 year anniversary and celebrated his birthday.. Initially I didn’t know about No Contact and was so shocked that I texted him the day after (I know, big mistake) and got no where, understandably. He contradicted himself a lot in his replies and didn’t make a lot of sense. So I ended the convo. But because we’re at Uni, we’ve just had a 2 week break for Easter meaning everyone’s gone back home (including him) and I kept waiting for him to contact me, but I got nothing and then after maybe 5/6 days I contacted again because I just felt total disbelief and desperation and again, he replied and said he still loved me, cared for me etc but that this is what he wanted so.. since then, which has been about a week and a half? Nearly 2 weeks? I’ve had no contact. I decided to block him off of my social media for the sake of my own well being and funnily enough, I found out from a close friend that he’d noticed the day I’d done it and was shocked by it.. so initially I felt power and felt good about it for a second. But then, yesterday I’d found out from a friend that he’d deleted all the pictures of him and me off of his Instagram… but whether that was to get a reaction or to make him feel better I have no idea. But I honestly thought I would of heard from him by now in some reconsiliation or other, but nothing. Do I just need to be more patient? It has only been 3 weeks? As we’re on the same course at Uni he will be seeing me around the building next week, so maybe that’ll bring him up to speed. Please help! I can’t tell what’s going to happen.

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 7:48 pm

      He probably deleted your pictures because it hurt him to look at them which is a good thing. You will have to be the first to reach out after no contact. Have you read our post on texting yet?

    2. Avatar


      April 8, 2018 at 3:38 pm

      Why is it a good thing? And why do I need to be the one who messages first?
      And no, I’ll have a look though.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 2:05 am

      Hi Ellie…hope you don’t mind me jumping in! Its because you control can the messaging

  18. Avatar


    March 20, 2018 at 1:35 pm

    We broke up 6 months ago (about 5 months of NC) and just recently I started texting and got through 3 first contacts positively. I keep texting him daily and i’m on about day 6 and I get positive responses BUT he is not yet initiating any contact. Do I keep initiating texts or should I go back to NC? I did let him know that I had moved on (meaning starting to date). Not sure where to go with this next, for the last few days it has been small talk, nothing serious although he does ‘insert’ himself into future scenarios when we chat.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 25, 2018 at 4:54 pm

      Hi lynn,

      Are you ending it in cliff hanger and in high point? How much are you improving yourself and how active you in posting in social media?

  19. Avatar


    February 25, 2018 at 2:53 am

    I am currently on day 4 of no contact. My boyfriend started becoming distant for the 2 weeks prior to breaking up, not wanting to spend much time together, hardly texting. So when he didn’t give me anything but some old drugstore candy for Valentine’s Day when he knew I got him a bunch of stuff, and he didn’t want to do anything to celebrate it with me, I had had the final straw. I told him if he didn’t want to take our relationship seriously then maybe we needed to put things on hold until he can and I cited all the reasons I was upset. He told me he had a lot going on and needed space. I didn’t talk to him for a few days and then I reached out to see what was going on. He said he’s stressed out and has too much going on. Then he said I put too much stress on him by constantly asking him to hang out when he can’t. Meanwhile, I’m just asking to spend some time together. Not like a half hour here and there. He said he felt too pressured then said he wasn’t as optimistic about us for a few reasons but wouldn’t say what they were just said things were different. Then I asked him if he wanted to still pursue things with me since he was asking for space and he said no. He said he wasn’t sure if things would change he’d have to see how things went. So I walked. I said I was leaving him along and to give me a call if he wanted to pursue things in a serious way and I haven’t heard anything from him since. Did I do the right thing? Do you think I’ll hear from him?


    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 11:42 am

      Hi Irena,

      I’m not sure if he’ll contact you again but yes, you did because why would you settle for someone who doesn’t value you?

  20. Avatar


    February 19, 2018 at 11:43 pm

    My ex and I broke up a few days. I feel that Im always tending to his needs but he doesnt do the same. We got into a big argument and broke up. This isn’t anything new for us but I feel differently. Im ready for his to get his stuff together or move on. So I have started the NC and its been 5 days of neither one of us reaching out. This isn’t surprising because the other times we broke up for a week and he gives in and I talk to him. This time Im going to not talk to him for 30 days minimum and see what happens. Wish me luck

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