By Rachel

absense aIf I were to take all of the most common questions that are asked about the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program and run the data on them, they would likely look something like this:

“Will no contact make him miss me?”

“Will he miss me if I go no contact?”

“Will he miss me if I cut him off?”

“If I let him go will he come back?”

“Will he miss me if I stop texting him?”

You’ve probably figured this out by now because you’re an intelligent person, but all of those questions are essentially asking the same thing:

“If I start to ignore my ex, will it help him to miss me?”

Though No Contact has been proven to work, there are still so many women who get anxious about the idea of cutting their ex off or ignoring them completely.

I get it.

It seems counter-intuitive.

If you want someone to be re-attracted to you, why would you push them away? But the thing is, it does work. And we’re going to discuss why.

We’re actually going to cover a couple things here in this article:

First, we’re going to talk about the psychology of why distance and time are important after a breakup, the mindset your guy is in post-breakup, and why you need to give him space for a while.

Then we’ll discuss my favorite, No Contact, and how it should be successfully implemented.

Finally, we’ll cover the phenomena of moving on without moving on and how and why it works. Like, it’s scary how well it works.

Onward!

The Psychology of Distance and Time

“Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder”

This quote has been around for decades and is quoted in popular culture all the time. It’s become a cliché, of sorts, but clichés often have a basis of truth.

It would be nice if breakups were neat and tidy, with both parties shaking hands and parting ways in a calm, adult-like manner. But unfortunately, when it comes to matters of the heart, emotions tend to make it hard for things to be that simple.

Chances are, unless you were very lucky, your breakup was not neat and tidy.

Perhaps there was cheating involved and it was a big dramatic breakup, or maybe there were unkind words said on either side. Whatever the cause, your ex boyfriend needs some time to forget the drama and emotional intensity of the breakup.

In addition to that, chances are that he needs some time to forget the things he didn’t like about you or your relationship. It is, unfortunately, the case for all of us that after some time of being together we start seeming a little less perfect to our partners.

Our flaws begin to show.

Maybe we begin to work less hard at the relationship or forget about our own health and goals. I have definitely been guilty of this. In short, the magic and mystery leave the relationship and are replaced by something more valuable, but a little less exciting: comfort.

By distancing yourself from your ex after a breakup, you are creating an aura of mystery and allure around yourself. Your ex used to know what you were up to every second of the day, but now, he doesn’t have that privilege anymore.

So we’ve established why the absence is important psychologically. Now let’s talk about the second part of that quote: how does is make the heart grow fonder?

In the direct aftermath of the breakup, your ex boyfriend may be feeling some sadness, but he may also feel some relief. After all, he broke up with you. If he changes his mind at any point, surely you will be sitting by the phone waiting for him, never having looked at another man while you were separated.

WRONG!

Though you may worry that pulling a total disappearing act on your ex will have the opposite effect, it actually is more likely to help him miss you.

Think about it. If you are there and available to him, answering his texts and liking his Facebook statuses, he will know he can get you back if he wants you.

That does not create any urgency.

It also doesn’t give him a chance to miss you.

How is he going to remember how great a girlfriend you were if you’re still making yourself available to him every moment of every day just like you were when you were together?

He won’t get the chance to miss you if you do that. It’s that simple.

But with time and space away, two things will begin to happen in your ex’s brain:

  1. He will begin to remember what an awesome girlfriend you are, and all the joy and laughter you brought to his life. He’ll remember the soup you brought him when he was sick, the time you surprised him with tickets to see his favorite band when they were in town, the time you held him and cried with him when his grandfather died. He will remember all of the good things. With time apart from each other, all of the fights, the yelling, and the criticism will all disappear and will be replaced with memories of all of the positive things from your relationship. And the seed will be planted: “She was great. Maybe I made a mistake…”
  2. The other thing that will begin to happen is that your ex will become curious. You were a part of each other’s day-to-day life before, but he hasn’t talked to you in a few weeks now, maybe a month. However, after you stopped responding to his texts he will have started checking out your social media. From there he will see all the pictures of you out with friends, and posts about the fun and exciting things you are accomplishing. Another seed will begin to sprout “does she even miss me?” And then more texts will go unanswered from you, and he’ll start to hear from mutual friends if you are dating. Maybe he’ll even see a photo of you out with another guy and another frantic seed will take root: “Has she moved on?”

This is how you create a dynamic of absence, thus making the heart grow fonder. But the real treat is that it also creates an urgency in your ex’s brain – the distance and space make him question if you’ve moved on and if it’s possible that he’s lost you forever.

What this really means is that you’ve got him exactly where you want him.

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No Contact

So hopefully the above section has convinced you WHY you should absolutely do No Contact.

But how does one successfully execute a successful No Contact period?

The secret is another thing that may seem counterintuitive:

No Contact is NOT about your ex. It’s about YOU.

Another common mistake I see people do during No Contact is to continue focusing and obsessing over their ex – and to constantly find ways to justify it.

Earlier, we were talking about planting seeds in your ex’s brain first while ignoring him, and that will come easily and naturally if you put yourself first.

Women have such a tendency to put other people’s needs above our own. But now is the time to focus on you.

Sure, during No Contact you should post about all the changes you’re making and all the fun you’re having on social media for him and his sphere of influence to see. But, don’t get too obsessive about it.

No Contact is about you and what you want to accomplish to be a better, happier person – with or without your ex. The only person that you will for sure be spending the rest of your life with is yourself, so you should put as much effort into learning to love yourself as you can.

Look at The Holy Trinity of health, wealth, and relationships, and consider what you can do to lead a more fulfilling, joyful life. My guess is that, while you were in your relationships, your friendships may have been neglected. That is what usually happens when someone gets wrapped up in a new relationship.

So, call up some old friends and get sushi or something. Start a workout routine – it will help you get into shape. No to mention, physical activity produces feel-good chemicals in the brain, so you’ll feel better too.

Are you feeling stuck at your job? Start revamping that resume and putting it out there to feel out a potential career move.

No Contact can be turned into such a wonderful opportunity if you fully commit to completing it.

It makes me sad when I see girls in our Private EBR Facebook Group who spend all of No Contact obsessing over their ex.

You can’t control if your ex is going out on dates and sleeping around, or if he’s going to text you back once you complete No Contact. The only thing you can control is YOU. I’ll say this again because it is important that you know it…

The only person you are guaranteed to get to live with until the end of your days is YOU. Do you see what I’m getting at, here?

Every time you feel the urge to obsess over your ex, throw yourself into something that will benefit your Holy Trinity. I have seen many success stories come from the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Facebook Group, and the one thing that they all have in common is that all women, not only successfully completed No Contact where they ignored their ex boyfriend for 21, 30, or 45 days, but also DESTROYED  The Holy Trinity (in a good way) and became happier with themselves, so that even if they didn’t get their ex back, they were happier with who they are. And honestly, that is what the Ex Boyfriend Recovery journey is about.

Moving on Without Moving On

So far, this article has been about the power of ignoring and the impact it can have on your ex boyfriend recovery journey if you do it correctly.

There is one other concept I want to cover, and that is Moving on Without Moving on.

Scenario:

Guy breaks up with Girl.

Girl is very upset and cries a lot.

Girl sits on couch eating ice cream for days and Guy goes out partying.

Girl keeps trying to talk to Guy, who ignores her.

Time passes.

Girl begins to feel better.

Guy begins to feel worse.

Girl isn’t over guy yet, but decides to start trying dating.

Girl Meets someone amazing.

Guy starts to realize what he lost.

Guy asks girl to catch up and tells her how he feels…

Girl is over it. She’s moved on.

Sorry, Guy.

 

I have seen this happen time and time again.

Hell, I’ve lived this!

My last ex confessed that he was still in love with me and that no girl he has dated since even compared. But, by that point, I was happily involved in a new relationship and shot him down.

Hey, I was as nice as I could be about it. I didn’t pull a Princess Peach.

It always seems to be that the moment you let go and decide to move on… poof – they’re back.

It’s the push/pull theory at work. When you’re making an effort, your ex knows that they could have you back if they wanted to, so there is no urgency. You’re pushing, and they’re pulling away.

However, when you make the choice to move on, you stop pushing. Your ex feels that energy shift, and so they begin pushing back. That is why moving on without moving on can be so effective, and why you should use the push/pull theory even before you make the call to move on.

Don’t be too available. Make him work. Don’t put up with rude behavior. Don’t give him whatever he wants. Stand up for yourself. There are so many things you can do to set boundaries and make sure your ex is working for your attention. Above it all, stop contacting him contsantly. Let him come to you.

Moving on is one of the most effective ways to get your ex back. If you make the decision to move on, even though you still love your ex, that energy shifts. And you know what? Either your ex will come back, or you will be on your way to moving on to bigger and better things.

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Take Back the Power

Ignoring someone can be a very powerful tool.

Hell, in the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a girl named Marcie Ross was ignored so much in high school that she literally turned invisible:

“People perceived Marcie as, as, as invisible,  […] and she became so.”

– Giles, “Out of Mind, Out of Sight”

Every day I see how effective No Contact is at getting under the skin of the guys that the women in the group are trying to get back.

Being ignored makes you feel like you don’t matter – like you actually are invisible.

I know it’s hard to start ignoring the guy you still love, but if you want to get him back, the best thing you can do is to give him some time and space to live with the repercussions of his decisions and let those seeds take root.

And while he is off remembering how awesome you are, you take care of yourself so that you can remember how awesome you are, too.

 

The Take-Away

Alright, so e have covered a lot of information here today. But, all in all, the take away should explain WHEN you should leave your ex alone and HOW it effects him. If you missed that, you would be ignoring him during No Contact and using that time to make your life epic. Then you will use the EBR guidelines from the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Book to reconnect and build rapport. If you successfully complete No Contact and ignore him for the full amount of time, then you are more likely to be successful with reconnecting, building rapport, and essentially getting him back.

So, now that you are fully equipped to get your ex back by ignoring him, let’s talk about your breakup in the comments below. Let me know about your breakup;

  1. What caused it
  2. What you’ve done since
  3. What you think you are supposed to do next

From there we are going to discuss what your best next step is.

 

 

 

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65 thoughts on “If I Leave My Ex Alone Will He Miss Me?”

  1. Nina

    February 19, 2018 at 4:43 am

    I should also add that he ended it because of a dynamic he felt in our relationship. A dynamic of me getting upset with him and he feeling like he had to work very hard to keep me happy. I admit that there was a problem with me feeling insecure about his investment in the relationship. And that caused me to behave in ways that were not good for him…I would leave his house without reason, and sometimes force conversations about where the relationship was headed. Basically, I had a hard time relaxing and being in the moment. I felt he had trouble with sustained intimacy.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2018 at 11:19 am

      Hi Nina,

      The nc rule is not guaranteed to work in any situation but it helps increase your chances. If you’re going to do it, that means if he initiates during it, you don’t reply. Focus in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

  2. Nina

    February 19, 2018 at 4:35 am

    My ex and I dated for 7 months. He ended it because I pushed for things that he felt he couldn’t do. That was 2 weeks ago and he will not respond to my texts or calls. He sent me a nice goodbye text. Saying I was great, blah, blah. But that he had not, and will not change his mind regarding the status of our relationship. Wished me the best, told me he hoped I could accept his decision and look forward. I responded that I did accept his decision, and thought that because of the big things he was dealing with in his life, that he could use a friend. I offered to be his friend. Since then, I have heard nothing from him. I have sent a text, but he does not respond. He may have blocked my number, who knows.
    How can no contact work in my situation? This man is extraordinary and I messed up. I would like the opportunity to start a fresh chapter with him.

  3. Nina

    March 30, 2018 at 2:34 am

    I should also add that he ended it because of a dynamic he felt in our relationship. A dynamic of me getting upset with him and he feeling like he had to work very hard to keep me happy. I admit that there was a problem with me feeling insecure about his investment in the relationship. And that caused me to behave in ways that were not good for him…I would leave his house without reason, and sometimes force conversations about where the relationship was headed. Basically, I had a hard time relaxing and being in the moment. I felt he had trouble with sustained intimacy.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 7:46 am

      Hi Nina,

      The nc rule is not guaranteed to work in any situation but it helps increase your chances. If you’re going to do it, that means if he initiates during it, you don’t reply. Focus in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

  4. Nina

    March 30, 2018 at 2:34 am

    My ex and I dated for 7 months. He ended it because I pushed for things that he felt he couldn’t do. That was 2 weeks ago and he will not respond to my texts or calls. He sent me a nice goodbye text. Saying I was great, blah, blah. But that he had not, and will not change his mind regarding the status of our relationship. Wished me the best, told me he hoped I could accept his decision and look forward. I responded that I did accept his decision, and thought that because of the big things he was dealing with in his life, that he could use a friend. I offered to be his friend. Since then, I have heard nothing from him. I have sent a text, but he does not respond. He may have blocked my number, who knows.
    How can no contact work in my situation? This man is extraordinary and I messed up. I would like the opportunity to start a fresh chapter with him.

  5. blinded by your grace

    February 17, 2018 at 5:35 pm

    leaving him alone (especially doing no contact )will indeed get him to miss you I did no contact for 45 days and on the 4th day my ex bf called me up saying he missed me and wanted to meet up,he has a girlfriend already btw (which I of course declined )anyway he will miss you .p.s he just told me he still loves me so it does work

  6. blinded by your grace

    March 30, 2018 at 2:50 am

    leaving him alone (especially doing no contact )will indeed get him to miss you I did no contact for 45 days and on the 4th day my ex bf called me up saying he missed me and wanted to meet up,he has a girlfriend already btw (which I of course declined )anyway he will miss you .p.s he just told me he still loves me so it does work

  7. Brie

    February 16, 2018 at 1:44 am

    I’ll do my best to summarize this so bare with me:
    I was in an LDR for over 2 years. We never met in person but we’ve sent each other videos and I googled him so I know he was who he said he was. He was the man of my DREAMS and we agreed that we would do everything we could to meet up when I graduated college.We talked about getting married and whatnot.We broke up a few times, but we were always able to talk it out. Fast forward to a year ago. He was forced to move in with his disabled father to help care for him, and this took up LOADS of time. His commute went from 10 minutes to over an hour and then he has to care for his father when he gets home. He began to tell me that he was depressed because he basically had no life anymore, and I was as supportive as I could be. He started getting more and more distant and my anxiety did it’s thing and made me worry that he was hiding something or that he was lying about everything. So one day we talked for a while and I straight-up asked him “Do you want to be with me?”. He kind of paused and said something about how it wasn’t a ‘yes’ or ‘no question because he doesn’t want me to have to deal with not getting any attention because of his dad when there’s someone else who could. Then he called me his ‘dream girl’ and said that if he had to choose between me and his dad he would choose his dad. I have no idea why he thought this had to be an either/or kind of thing but ok.
    Fast-forward to New Years Day. I said something to him about maybe giving me 5 minutes at night to talk to him and apparently this was the line. He said that he would ‘love me until the day I died’ and I ‘meant a lot to him’ but he couldn’t give me any attention and he ‘refused to be depressed over this anymore’. I begged him not to do this and to just call me but he said he would call me in the morning. I called him about 4 or 5 times in a row (I was freaking out) and he blocked me. I thought that he would unblock me in the morning but I never heard anything from him. I e-mailed him begging for closure, but he never replied. I tried ’30 days’ but he blocked me so I had no way of texting him. Then last week, I sent him a Snapchat telling him that I was sorry for disrespecting his wishes and that I hoped to hear from him soon. he opened it, but didn’t reply. So i sent him another one the next day saying that I hoped he had the respect for me to just give me closure. He opened it and unfriended me. I have no idea what would make him go from “you mean a lot to me’ to BLOCKING me the same night! I know the begging was the wrong thing to do, but I’m praying that it didn’t ruin my chances. It’s been over a month since I’ve heard from him. This is TOTALLY unlike him! DO you think there’s still a chance that I could hear from him again? Despite the fact that I begged? Does he still even care about me?
    Please give me some insight! Thanks!

  8. Brie

    March 30, 2018 at 2:50 am

    I’ll do my best to summarize this so bare with me:
    I was in an LDR for over 2 years. We never met in person but we’ve sent each other videos and I googled him so I know he was who he said he was. He was the man of my DREAMS and we agreed that we would do everything we could to meet up when I graduated college.We talked about getting married and whatnot.We broke up a few times, but we were always able to talk it out. Fast forward to a year ago. He was forced to move in with his disabled father to help care for him, and this took up LOADS of time. His commute went from 10 minutes to over an hour and then he has to care for his father when he gets home. He began to tell me that he was depressed because he basically had no life anymore, and I was as supportive as I could be. He started getting more and more distant and my anxiety did it’s thing and made me worry that he was hiding something or that he was lying about everything. So one day we talked for a while and I straight-up asked him “Do you want to be with me?”. He kind of paused and said something about how it wasn’t a ‘yes’ or ‘no question because he doesn’t want me to have to deal with not getting any attention because of his dad when there’s someone else who could. Then he called me his ‘dream girl’ and said that if he had to choose between me and his dad he would choose his dad. I have no idea why he thought this had to be an either/or kind of thing but ok.
    Fast-forward to New Years Day. I said something to him about maybe giving me 5 minutes at night to talk to him and apparently this was the line. He said that he would ‘love me until the day I died’ and I ‘meant a lot to him’ but he couldn’t give me any attention and he ‘refused to be depressed over this anymore’. I begged him not to do this and to just call me but he said he would call me in the morning. I called him about 4 or 5 times in a row (I was freaking out) and he blocked me. I thought that he would unblock me in the morning but I never heard anything from him. I e-mailed him begging for closure, but he never replied. I tried ’30 days’ but he blocked me so I had no way of texting him. Then last week, I sent him a Snapchat telling him that I was sorry for disrespecting his wishes and that I hoped to hear from him soon. he opened it, but didn’t reply. So i sent him another one the next day saying that I hoped he had the respect for me to just give me closure. He opened it and unfriended me. I have no idea what would make him go from “you mean a lot to me’ to BLOCKING me the same night! I know the begging was the wrong thing to do, but I’m praying that it didn’t ruin my chances. It’s been over a month since I’ve heard from him. This is TOTALLY unlike him! DO you think there’s still a chance that I could hear from him again? Despite the fact that I begged? Does he still even care about me?
    Please give me some insight! Thanks!

  9. P. B

    February 15, 2018 at 6:56 pm

    Thank you Amor.
    So what can I do? I was building rapport, I was in flirting-friends zone. Did a second NC for your recommendation, he texted on day 30 warm, nice and flirty, letting me know that he had been thinking about me and all that. I answer neutral, nice but not too invested. A.d keep playing my game in social media, mastering mi UG. What else can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2018 at 12:12 am

      Use interesting topics for him. Work on your kind of texts. focus more in your activities than him and set a limit on until when you’re going to try to rebuild rapport, if after that limit it’s not progressing, move on.

  10. P. B

    March 30, 2018 at 2:50 am

    Thank you Amor.
    So what can I do? I was building rapport, I was in flirting-friends zone. Did a second NC for your recommendation, he texted on day 30 warm, nice and flirty, letting me know that he had been thinking about me and all that. I answer neutral, nice but not too invested. A.d keep playing my game in social media, mastering mi UG. What else can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 7:42 am

      Use interesting topics for him. Work on your kind of texts. focus more in your activities than him and set a limit on until when you’re going to try to rebuild rapport, if after that limit it’s not progressing, move on.

  11. Mel

    February 14, 2018 at 7:08 pm

    I feel like none of these articles apply to my situation because it is so bizarre: my ex and I were together for a decade, and when we broke up, I cried and begged for days. Then I texted him nonstop for like 24 hours. But at the time of the breakup, he said he’d come with me to my parents’ house to speak with them about our separation, since he’s basically family now. Now, we are supposed to meet at my parents’ house in a couple of days but I want to start NC to see if maybe he just needs some time away. Seeing me will disrupt this. Should I just cancel the parents’ house thing?

  12. Mel

    March 30, 2018 at 2:50 am

    I feel like none of these articles apply to my situation because it is so bizarre: my ex and I were together for a decade, and when we broke up, I cried and begged for days. Then I texted him nonstop for like 24 hours. But at the time of the breakup, he said he’d come with me to my parents’ house to speak with them about our separation, since he’s basically family now. Now, we are supposed to meet at my parents’ house in a couple of days but I want to start NC to see if maybe he just needs some time away. Seeing me will disrupt this. Should I just cancel the parents’ house thing?

  13. S

    February 13, 2018 at 6:28 pm

    Break up 1 month by him. After living together and being together 20 months. Second break up with him siting we are just different. I’m older, by six years. Both in our late forties. I tried to ask what we could do, I did some negotiating, begging of sorts. He knows I love him. And want this. Two days ago he told me he would be my wingman to find another man. We are friends. I stated no friends, no FWB. Either. So I find it difficult to do no contact. He will sometimes come by and we get along so well. Even intimate last week.
    What do I do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 11:12 am

      Hi S,

      Tell him to stop coming by and hanging out because being friends is disrespectful to your pain right now

  14. Christina

    February 13, 2018 at 5:25 pm

    My guy decided to pack a bag and leave our home last night. He stated he was going to come back for the rest of his stuff eventually. I did try to get him to talk to me, but this morning, I sent one last text stating that he needs to contact me when he wants to come to the house for his things, and otherwise, he is not the only one who needs space and time to think.
    What caused it? There was a lot of drama involving his ex wife. She is controlling and manipulative and he’s been abused by her for 15+ years. She twisted everything and manipulated him into believing I was lying to him(and I’m not), I was going through his phone and social media(and I’m not), and various other things. He thinks he cannot trust me at all.
    Since this morning, I’ve not contacted and I’m sure that is what I need to keep doing. I think once he has time away from me and sees how much harder life is when he doesn’t have a nice home to live in, he will start to see that a woman who has done so much for him and cared for him has no reason to ever lie to him. I am going to work on myself and think about ways I can nurture relationships in the future so that trust is never an issue. Hopefully, he will return, but in the meantime, I will give it space for him to get his head back on his shoulders.
    What else can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 10:51 am

      Hi Christina,

      That’s good that you think that way.. Start a new routine, do new things and make new friends.

  15. S

    March 30, 2018 at 2:50 am

    Break up 1 month by him. After living together and being together 20 months. Second break up with him siting we are just different. I’m older, by six years. Both in our late forties. I tried to ask what we could do, I did some negotiating, begging of sorts. He knows I love him. And want this. Two days ago he told me he would be my wingman to find another man. We are friends. I stated no friends, no FWB. Either. So I find it difficult to do no contact. He will sometimes come by and we get along so well. Even intimate last week.
    What do I do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 7:42 am

      Hi S,

      Tell him to stop coming by and hanging out because being friends is disrespectful to your pain right now

  16. Christina

    March 30, 2018 at 2:50 am

    My guy decided to pack a bag and leave our home last night. He stated he was going to come back for the rest of his stuff eventually. I did try to get him to talk to me, but this morning, I sent one last text stating that he needs to contact me when he wants to come to the house for his things, and otherwise, he is not the only one who needs space and time to think.
    What caused it? There was a lot of drama involving his ex wife. She is controlling and manipulative and he’s been abused by her for 15+ years. She twisted everything and manipulated him into believing I was lying to him(and I’m not), I was going through his phone and social media(and I’m not), and various other things. He thinks he cannot trust me at all.
    Since this morning, I’ve not contacted and I’m sure that is what I need to keep doing. I think once he has time away from me and sees how much harder life is when he doesn’t have a nice home to live in, he will start to see that a woman who has done so much for him and cared for him has no reason to ever lie to him. I am going to work on myself and think about ways I can nurture relationships in the future so that trust is never an issue. Hopefully, he will return, but in the meantime, I will give it space for him to get his head back on his shoulders.
    What else can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 7:42 am

      Hi Christina,

      That’s good that you think that way.. Start a new routine, do new things and make new friends.

  17. Sasha

    February 13, 2018 at 3:59 am

    Posted in another article–not sure if you got it…so will post here.
    LDR for about 3 years. He was in another continent. Didn’t meet for 2 years. He moved to Canada (we are still LD bcz Im in NY). I went to see him twice. That’s all we have met. He is dealing with depression, for so many years (even before he met me). He has so much responsibility of his family, plus he hates it in Canada due to the cold weather. We always talked about marriage. But since his family didn’t agree, he said he cant do it, but we didn’t stop talking. There was still hope we will get married one day. Btw, we did break up once in 2016 due to so much stress on our relationship (due to LD, his family issues, me putting pressure on him). I did the NC rule for 34 days. He messaged me. We started talking again and got back together (he was still in different continent then). This time seems different though. Things started going downhill in december. He wouldn’t talk to me. Would always be ‘busy’. He even called once to apologize for his behavior, but then silence again the next day. When i confronted him what is going on between us, he shut me down. And I decided to let it be and move on. Although, I did contact him on his bday (18th day of NC) and went on with my life. He started contacting me again, not everyday but once a week. He initiates all the talks. Recently, he started messaging everyday and saying how he wants to go on a vacation. He asked if I would like to come. I got confused and asked are we going as friends or more than that. He said friends.
    So, I think i am friend-zoned. I am confused if I should go on vacation with him or not. Maybe that will help build rapport? Should I re-start NC and do 45 days now? I am still interested in getting him back. I know he has no-one else he is taking to. I was his first gf. We have a lot of emotional connection. The only reason im scared to do NC is because I know, no matter how I treat him, he will always reply if I message him.
    So, my question: Should I restart NC? Especially now, that we started talking? I’m thinking maybe this is the time I should start building rapport and show him Im not desperate. Please help! Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2018 at 12:33 pm

      Hi Sasha,

      What’s the reason of rebuilding rapport again? Is it to get him back? Because if yes, I think you should just move on.. Unless, he’s going to move to Canada, or he literally says he changed his mind about the possibility of you being his wife someday.

  18. Sasha

    March 30, 2018 at 2:50 am

    Posted in another article–not sure if you got it…so will post here.
    LDR for about 3 years. He was in another continent. Didn’t meet for 2 years. He moved to Canada (we are still LD bcz Im in NY). I went to see him twice. That’s all we have met. He is dealing with depression, for so many years (even before he met me). He has so much responsibility of his family, plus he hates it in Canada due to the cold weather. We always talked about marriage. But since his family didn’t agree, he said he cant do it, but we didn’t stop talking. There was still hope we will get married one day. Btw, we did break up once in 2016 due to so much stress on our relationship (due to LD, his family issues, me putting pressure on him). I did the NC rule for 34 days. He messaged me. We started talking again and got back together (he was still in different continent then). This time seems different though. Things started going downhill in december. He wouldn’t talk to me. Would always be ‘busy’. He even called once to apologize for his behavior, but then silence again the next day. When i confronted him what is going on between us, he shut me down. And I decided to let it be and move on. Although, I did contact him on his bday (18th day of NC) and went on with my life. He started contacting me again, not everyday but once a week. He initiates all the talks. Recently, he started messaging everyday and saying how he wants to go on a vacation. He asked if I would like to come. I got confused and asked are we going as friends or more than that. He said friends.
    So, I think i am friend-zoned. I am confused if I should go on vacation with him or not. Maybe that will help build rapport? Should I re-start NC and do 45 days now? I am still interested in getting him back. I know he has no-one else he is taking to. I was his first gf. We have a lot of emotional connection. The only reason im scared to do NC is because I know, no matter how I treat him, he will always reply if I message him.
    So, my question: Should I restart NC? Especially now, that we started talking? I’m thinking maybe this is the time I should start building rapport and show him Im not desperate. Please help! Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 6:31 am

      Hi Sasha,

      What’s the reason of rebuilding rapport again? Is it to get him back? Because if yes, I think you should just move on.. Unless, he’s going to move to Canada, or he literally says he changed his mind about the possibility of you being his wife someday.

  19. P.B

    February 12, 2018 at 7:52 pm

    Here again. Sorry for the long post and thank you for being there and your advice.
    Sum up: one year after break up, 1st NC, built rapport, trapped in the flirting-friends zone. He has moved across the country a few months and hates LDR (our was but lived near, one hour by train).Before he moved I told him some of my feelings and said that he wasn’t moving forever, just a few months and we could have that conversation when he is back and that he was very happy to know my feelings. I did second NC in January for your advice and he texted on day 30 very nice and flirting, even proposing a plan “for us” to do at distance. I answered the following day an he waited 10 days. Told me that he can’t watch our favorite tv show without thinking about me and asked me if I’m going to see a movie we both are looking forward too and how is my life in “my city” (I live now in his former town for studies). I answered too fast (my mistake, I was too anxious that night fearing he was with another girl). It’s been 3 days and nothing happened. I know that he went to a party last Saturday and I’m araid he could have met someone there. I’m always obsessing with the possibility he date another girls. I know I can’t control that but it breaks me because I’d loose him forever.
    The thing is that I need to tell him how I feel and asking for another chance because it’s been a year and my therapist says that I need to have a deadline and not staying in this state of uncertainty.And I agree. But there is the distance (I don’t now if he has a date for coming back or if he wants to stay there much more) and the possibility of him meeting another girl. I’m going to do it because I need him to know and don’t stay in this ambiguos situation of hard flirting + friends.
    But my therapist thinks that I should tell him all face to face. I agree and I really need him to see me, I think it could change a little bit the things, out of sight, out of mind but if he sees me face to face isn’t that easy to deny feelings. The problem is that it is impossible to meet, I tried a few times (when we lived in different but near towns and once when I went to his new city). He always said that he wanted (we even talked about what could happen when the moment arrived) but in the last minute he came up with an excuse. Last time, in his new city, he really couldn’t make it for work BUT if he had read my messages before (was one of that times he didn’t read in days, sometimes he waits days and others we text back in minutes) we could have arranged in another way. After I came back he apologised and said that he was ashamed for failing me but… If I try one more time, the risk to something similar happens is high. I don’t know why he is so warm and nice by text and tells me that he want to see me (even in his last text, 10 days ago) and when he has the chance he avoids it. So I don’t know what to do.
    Should I start texting him in the next days if I hadn’t response to prepare the field and to know if he is dating (not asking him, obviously, but I could feel it for the way of talking to me, I know him). I don’t want to appear out of the blue like “hey, we’ve talked two times in two months but I love you, give me another chance”. There’s anything I can do apart from keep my social media game up? (I’m good at that but it’s not enough to get him back)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2018 at 12:29 pm

      I don’t agree with confessing your feelings because that just confirms you’re chasing.. and by the looks of it, he’s not interested right now. It’s less likely that he will reciprocate your feelings if he doesn’t even want to see you in the first place.

  20. P.B

    March 30, 2018 at 2:50 am

    Here again. Sorry for the long post and thank you for being there and your advice.
    Sum up: one year after break up, 1st NC, built rapport, trapped in the flirting-friends zone. He has moved across the country a few months and hates LDR (our was but lived near, one hour by train).Before he moved I told him some of my feelings and said that he wasn’t moving forever, just a few months and we could have that conversation when he is back and that he was very happy to know my feelings. I did second NC in January for your advice and he texted on day 30 very nice and flirting, even proposing a plan “for us” to do at distance. I answered the following day an he waited 10 days. Told me that he can’t watch our favorite tv show without thinking about me and asked me if I’m going to see a movie we both are looking forward too and how is my life in “my city” (I live now in his former town for studies). I answered too fast (my mistake, I was too anxious that night fearing he was with another girl). It’s been 3 days and nothing happened. I know that he went to a party last Saturday and I’m araid he could have met someone there. I’m always obsessing with the possibility he date another girls. I know I can’t control that but it breaks me because I’d loose him forever.
    The thing is that I need to tell him how I feel and asking for another chance because it’s been a year and my therapist says that I need to have a deadline and not staying in this state of uncertainty.And I agree. But there is the distance (I don’t now if he has a date for coming back or if he wants to stay there much more) and the possibility of him meeting another girl. I’m going to do it because I need him to know and don’t stay in this ambiguos situation of hard flirting + friends.
    But my therapist thinks that I should tell him all face to face. I agree and I really need him to see me, I think it could change a little bit the things, out of sight, out of mind but if he sees me face to face isn’t that easy to deny feelings. The problem is that it is impossible to meet, I tried a few times (when we lived in different but near towns and once when I went to his new city). He always said that he wanted (we even talked about what could happen when the moment arrived) but in the last minute he came up with an excuse. Last time, in his new city, he really couldn’t make it for work BUT if he had read my messages before (was one of that times he didn’t read in days, sometimes he waits days and others we text back in minutes) we could have arranged in another way. After I came back he apologised and said that he was ashamed for failing me but… If I try one more time, the risk to something similar happens is high. I don’t know why he is so warm and nice by text and tells me that he want to see me (even in his last text, 10 days ago) and when he has the chance he avoids it. So I don’t know what to do.
    Should I start texting him in the next days if I hadn’t response to prepare the field and to know if he is dating (not asking him, obviously, but I could feel it for the way of talking to me, I know him). I don’t want to appear out of the blue like “hey, we’ve talked two times in two months but I love you, give me another chance”. There’s anything I can do apart from keep my social media game up? (I’m good at that but it’s not enough to get him back)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2018 at 7:42 am

      I don’t agree with confessing your feelings because that just confirms you’re chasing.. and by the looks of it, he’s not interested right now. It’s less likely that he will reciprocate your feelings if he doesn’t even want to see you in the first place.

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