What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Will He Come Back If I Stop Chasing Him?

“Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

This is the nail-biting question that makes you pace the floor, unable to concentrate on work or the other areas of your life, isn’t it?

You wonder if his focus will shift to other attractive diversions, whether he will fill up the spaces in his life with non-girlfriend things, or worse – new girlfriend things!

Your mind begins to wander throughout the day to obsessive thoughts . . .

“Don’t I need to ensure I’ll be a constant reminder to him . . . . or at the very least, an intermittent reminder? Hold on, I’d better find out where his head is at, hadn’t I . . .”

You check his Facebook.

You check his Instagram.

You check his Snapchat stories.

You obsessively scout to see whether he’s been checking your Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat stories.

Would it hurt to “like” one of his posts?

Should you talk to one of his friends?

His mom? I mean, you did get along so well, after all.

Wouldn’t it be a good idea to run into him at the gym?

If you don’t, will he find someone else to talk to and ohmygosh, could they turn into a thing?!?

” I’m afraid he’ll find someone else?”

I want you to take a deep breath.

Don’t hold it!

Okay, now take another one.

I’m going to tell you something, but you have to be ready to be open to it, because it is not something you are going to WANT to do. You just have to trust me.

The Single BEST Thing You Can Do Is To Stop Chasing Him

“Why,” you ask?

Well, men are actually resistant to chasing, so it becomes counterproductive. Just let that sit with you for a minute.

If you’re follow up question is,

“If I stop chasing, will he start chasing me and come back to me?”

Then you are DEFINITELY on the right page.

Think about every time you gave into the urge…

  • to chase
  • to over-contact
  • to be needy
  • and to get into his space uninvited

When you do these things you are actually setting yourself back from your goal of having him chase you.

Because that’s what you both want, him chasing you.

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Why Is It Important To Stop Chasing Him?

You see, men feel a bit cheated when they don’t get the opportunity to pursue.

Here’s an example. I was recently talking to a close male confidante of mine about a woman he is dating. We’ll call him Matt*.

Well, Matt* liked this girl, let’s call her Jane*, quite a bit before they began going out.

Jane is accomplished, ambitious, funny, beautiful, and within our circle of friends.

But, once they began flirting, Jane was very direct and came on too strong for his liking. Matt’s satisfaction decreased by several levels right from the start, he told me!

As the weeks wore on, Jane laid it on the line; she didn’t want to waste time playing games. She was too old for that, and wanted a real relationship. Matt tried to manage her expectations. He wasn’t sure if he wanted an exclusive relationship and Jane ended up accepting whatever he was willing to give her, even if it wasn’t the relationship she really wanted.

Now, when Jane wants to see him, she calls him before he even has the chance to ask her out. This leaves Matt” feeling ambivalent towards her. I mean, to me he says,

“I really likes her. She makes me laugh. And the sex is amazing. But I feel cheated of his opportunity to chase her.”

His interest is declining because of it. Therefore, he chooses continues to see other women.

There’s a simple, and universal, value proposition in this.

People value what they must work to obtain more.

Think about it.

What tastes better?

A BLT sandwich they slap together for you at the corner bodega with the bacon that’s been sitting there since that morning and some cold mealy tomatoes

OR

The the BLT you slave over for 30 minutes, lovingly frying the bacon yourself, sending the aroma wafting through the house, slicing and salting those thick red heirloom tomato slices, toasting the bread and then slathering on the mayonnaise, folding the crisp iceberg lettuce so carefully… biting into it with a little trickle of juice running down your wrist…

You get the point.

Dang. Now I want a BLT.

Or if you’re not a BLT person…

Well, first of all you are missing out, but that’s your call.

So, just think about it this way….

…let’s say you’re a music person.

Who doesn’t like music?!

Let’s say Pandora or Spotify suddenly redid their whole website and they wiped the entire history of your account. What would be harder to lose?

A playlist you have carefully curated and trained to “know” what you like?

OR

A preset radio station that you had no input in?

Unfortunately, the opposite can also be said. What doesn’t take a lot of work to obtain actually decreases in value in our eyes. We have less of an attachment to it.

For instance, sometimes children born into financially well-off families are more careless with their more expensive belongings knowing they can be easily replaced.

Whereas, an individual who knows he can never get another Iphone if this one breaks will take much better care of it.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship, or a material possession. When we expend a greater amount of effort we develop greater emotional attachment. And you can use this to your advantage, my dears.

In the case of men, it is well-known that they derive a greater sense of satisfaction from expending a greater amount of effort. For those of you playing the home game, that means that they value the chase and derive more pleasure from it than they do when they don’t have to.

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What Does This Mean For You?

Well, it means that shouldn’t be too easily accessible, available, or obtainable. You must be the Ungettable Girl.

And Ungettable Girls don’t chase.

Ungettable Girl is a Ex Boyfriend Recovery term that we use to describe the end result of becoming the best version of yourself. We even have a whole book on the subject. But if you just want to read a little bit about the process of becoming Ungettable, you could read more by following this link and reading more about it.
By now you should be thinking,

“Man! Not chasing him might be the SINGLE BEST thing I can do to get him back!”

And you would be right!

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But Will He Even Notice?

I know what you are asking in your head right now.

“Will he even notice I stopped chasing him?”

The answer is yes, of course he will notice.

Up until now, you have been available, accessible, and obtainable.

It’s likely that he could predict your movements, your investments of time, and your patterns.

Take away that predictability, and anyone would notice.

First of all,let’s assume that when you were dating had a rough understanding of your schedule.

Let’s say your schedule was as follows:

  • you went to work or school daily
  • in the evenings you worked out
  • then you ate dinner
  • after dinner you would go to trivia night or babysat
  • and on weekends, you could generally be found at the swimming pool, the gym, the library, or on the couch.

Everyone has patterns, whether simple or complex like this one.

Furthermore, he was almost always assured of being able to get a response from you if he texted, called, messaged on Facebook, or Snapchatted. Whatever the method of contacting you, he knew you would jump at the opportunity to respond.

What If You Have Been Broken Up For a While?

All exes check in, all of them.

So, I can guarantee he’s been keeping tabs on your movements in some form or fashion, either outright or surreptitiously pseudo-stalking. You would be surprised to what lengths people go to to find out what their exes have been up to or who they have been spending their time with.

So, even if you have changed your schedule and patterns completely, almost every guy will still feel like they can predict your patterns and can access you if they want to, should they feel the urge.

And in both of these hypotheticals, since you are reading an article about chasing, we are assuming that up until now, you have continued to pursue him in some form or fashion.

You have been

  • reaching out to him
  • putting yourself in his path
  • “liking” his posts
  • sending him funny memes
  • texting him to just to say hello
  • dropping some “do you remembers” on him
  • casually bumping into him
  • perhaps even talking to his sister, mom, or friends

Even if you think you have been oh so casual, I promise he sees it as you chasing after him. This is how he feels.

So, if you stop all of that… what do you think is going to happen?

What is going to be left?

  • A void.
  • A vacuum.
  • An empty space.
  • The absence of predictability.
  • The absence of accessibility.
  • The absence of obtainability.

So, yes, my friends, he WILL notice!

And this is the magic of why No Contact works.

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Let’s Review, Why Does No Contact Work?

If I wasn’t clear. No Contact works, because it’s based on a very simple principle.

They can’t miss you, if you aren’t gone.

You have to take yourself away

  1. as a physical presence
  2. as emotional support
  3. as a visible presence
  4. as a mental option

This makes them experience an emotional reaction.

But more than that, he’ll begin to wonder, all sorts of things.

“Did she stop liking me?”

“Did she decide I am I not good enough?”

“Did she find someone else?”

And ,again, that is the magic of Why No Contact Works.

Whatever happened with your breakup begins to be replaced by these thoughts and feelings of inadequacy in your ex’s mind. They will begin to drive him crazy! And he will HAVE to check out what your up to in order to quiet those questions.

Sure, you may have had your ups and downs. Maybe you were needy, clingy, and objected to his nights out with the boys.

Perhaps you argued, or maybe there were even some huge blow outs.

Words were said, words you both regret, words that have played over and over in your heads.

But, now, all he can think about is,

“What the heck is that girl doing?”

“Where is she?”

“WHY isn’t she online on messenger?”

“If she’s stopped doing being predictable… maybe she’s OUT doing something else with SOMEONE else!”

And if he has a life event that simultaneously occurs during this period, all the better, whether it’s a birthday, an accomplishment, or a loss.

Who would he normally turn to to share this with?

Well before I’m guessing you were his biggest cheerleader. So, if you aren’t there and you aren’t chasing him, then he’s going to feel that lack of you even more.
Some guys even become GNATs (going nuts at texting) because they cannot stand to be left in the dark!

It’s simple.

It’s clinical.

It’s strategic.

Maybe a little sneaky.

And it’s effective!

And once they are experiencing this emotional reaction, you have the opportunity to capitalize on it. But more on that later.

So How Do I Keep Him From Forgetting About Me?

You’re wondering this, too, aren’t you?

How did I know?

Well, because I WAS you at some point. We all were.

At some point we all wonder how to keep our exes from forgetting us.

So, first you have to ask yourself,

“How can someone forget about someone that was once irreplaceable in just a few weeks or months? Is that even possible?”

The answer is no. Just no.

Furthermore, you aren’t going to be sitting around gathering dust.

Hopefully you spent No Contact becoming an Ungettable Girl.

You are on a mission!

What’s your mission?

Your mission is to have the most fun and be the happiest you’ve ever been! You have nothing holding you back right now. There is no one you have to balance your life with.

Let’s do a little exercise.

What are all of the things you never had time for, the things you sacrificed in order to be a great girlfriend?

  • Spending more time with your girlfriends?
  • Getting your nails done?
  • Did you stay in and cook dinner instead of hitting up the hot yoga class with your pals?
  • Have you been yearning to go on road trips but you were stuck in the stands watching his sports games?
  • Have you been waiting to write a book or record a song, but just haven’t had the time because of your relationship?

Well, guess what, lady! Now’s your chance!

Carpe Diem!

That’s “Seize the Day!” for those of you unfamiliar with latin, or the movie “Dead Poets Society.”

Self-care and a broad range of interests make all of us more attractive to others, in general, especially to an ex.
Particularly, when you have completed No Contact successfully, and he’s been driven up a wall wondering where has you’ve gone and what you could possibly be doing that doesn’t revolve around him.

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Getting Your Ex To Chase You Without Being Obvious

I know what you’re thinking…

“There’s more?!”

Yes! there is!

Because when you do what I describe next, he’ll have a third emotional reaction.

He’ll think to himself,

“Whoa! How can she be so happy after we broke up? Maybe she wasn’t as into me as I thought she was. Did I make a mistake? I want her back!”

All of this puts you in a prime position for you to capitalize on his emotions and remind him how much he really desires you and how much fun you two have together. You can do this by gradually and methodically getting back into contact with him using the tactics laid out in Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro.

First, though, you must learn to use two things to your advantage:

Your Social Media
and
Your Sphere of Influence

I say learn because you have to use them carefully.

Your Social Media includes any posting updates about your life through social media channels like Facebook, Snapchat, etc. There is an obvious and over-the top way to go about it. Or there is a subtle way to go about it. Our goal is the latter.

Your Sphere of Influence means connecting with people in your mutual circle who will learn how you are doing and what you are up to and get a positive impression of you.

Think of it like this, you want to create your “brand” with both of these tools. Your brand is your image, and you don’t want to send the wrong message.

So, you are going to want to put some thought into this.

What do you want to convey to him and to the world overall?

If you don’t want to seem like a frivolous party girl, be careful about posting lots of pictures with alcohol or out at the club with guys.

If you don’t want to seem boring, make sure you are posting about doing interesting things, not just “studying/working again.”

And the number one rule of thumb is to look good and smile.

Do this all the time, no matter where you are going or who you are meeting. Be positive and happy. Let it be known that you are living your life and living it well.

Don’t mention him, ask about him, or bring him up. Don’t seek out his friends or family. The information will trickle back to him somehow, trust me! Once that void where you were starts to be obvious to him, he will check on what you are up to.

Not only will he not forget you, he’ll be dying for you to reach out to him.

If you’ve previously been chasing him, he’ll wonder why you stopped . . . and it won’t take long for him to decide that he misses having you around. And when he does that, he will seek you out and start chasing you.

Let him.

So, my Ungettable Girls, stop chasing, because, when you do… they always come back!

So, Let’s Review

We’ve discussed a lot, but I think that the ULTIMATE take away from this article should be DON’T CHASE HIM!

  • Chasing will drive him away.
  • Removing yourself creates a void.
  • Don’t even worry about it, he’ll notice.
  • And. when he does start to pay attention…. don’t. be. obvious.

Alrighty, so in the comments below I am going to open up the floor for you to

  1. Tell me about your breakup
  2. Let me know what you’ve done so far
  3. And where you are in the EBR Process

From there our team will help you figure out where you need to go from here to get your ex back.

Are you ready?

Let’s go!

		

Written by EBR Teamate

Tara O' Malley

56 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Stop Chasing Him?”

  1. Luna

    December 14, 2017 at 11:31 am

    Hi Amor

    I wanted to know whether I could still apply NC or even limited NC because we have kids and when he comes around to fetch them we will have Ltd surface level talking like he will ask how’s things or work and I respond or if he’s been busy at work he lets me know if he can’t come see kids etc.

    I guess I’m wondering how do I do complete NC with kids – also like for eg he has kids for 2wks with his family in another city so i won’t see them but I’m a mother and they small still and so I worry – how do I balance not calling him so much to check in how kids are doing with my kids not thinking I ‘don’t care’ because actually I’m not calling because I don’t want to bother the father and want to give him the space ? It’s so hard with balancing this act and even wondering if NC will work on him if he has asked me for space ? Like he wants me to leave him alone so I give it to him are you saying whether he misses me or not – is not the point ? Rather it’s for me to heal and figure myself out and only talk to him when necessary? Then I know I focus on becoming a better me for me and if he sees it he does if he doesn’t well it’s his loss?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2017 at 2:08 pm

      What you last said is right..It’s still better to do it because chasing is never attractive..and hr probalby doesnt expect you to accept the situation and to improve

  2. Babs

    December 12, 2017 at 10:18 pm

    We broke up because he was “not ready” A few weeks of N/C and he contacted me, it took 4 days for me to get back to him, I mirrored his text. He asked me how my dance lessons were going. I told him they were going great. Then he another text of a song.. two of those. Finally I wrote him back and we texted a bit. Then, the last text was him asking to see videos of how I have progressed in my dancing. I think we both know what he really meant- he wants to see me again– physically. I have not responded because HELL-O we have broken up. Now what? I am just over this game.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2017 at 2:44 pm

      Hi babs,

      How long was the relationship and how many weeks did you do nc? How much did you improve yourself and how active were you in posting?

  3. Rakhee

    December 12, 2017 at 9:10 pm

    Hi.. so my ex and I were only together for 3 months. But they were so intense. He initially messaged me on instagram and that’s how we got talking. He said he’s never done that before and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. We went on our first date and he said it was the best date he had ever been on in his life (I agree). After that he chased me, he would always call and text and meet me regularly and we were so besotted with each other. After a few weeks he even asked me to be his girlfrjend officially. He spoke about wanting to marry me and have children and where we would go on holiday together. We’re both 26 so I thought we were working towards that anyway. Our families also knew and I spoke to his mum on the phone occasionally. Things were going great. But I have anxiety and depression and in hindsight I think I depended on him a little too much. He got offered a job away from home and wanted to decide without factoring me in as to wether he was going to take it or not. During the last few weeks of our relationship he was always busy working long hours and came home to spend time with his mum, and I would get mad that he never had time for me (big mistake on my part – I’m aware I was being needy but couldn’t see it at the time). Anyway, a day after the job offer we argued about the lack of time again and then he broke up with me. We tried to stay friends for the first month – he would message me a few times a week and I would reply. He would keep the conversation flowing and if it did fizzle out he would start the next one after a few days. I was going crazy watching his social media and eventually decided I couldn’t be friends and needed closure. I deleted him off my Snapchat and I deleted my Facebook and instagram accounts altogether. (He would continue to like girls pictures and it would upset me because I felt like he would start talking to one of them eventually just like he did with me). When we broke up he told me he’s being selfish and putting himself first. He was nice about it and still spoke to me all the time (just messages, he refused to meet or call). After I asked for closure and he let me ask him everything I wanted, he answered all my questions and said that having a gf you have to consider stuff, and he didn’t want that. He only wants to think about himself, go places and do things on his own. He also said he thinks we shouldn’t speak for a while and would understand if I delete him off everything. He said he didn’t know what love was but I showed it to him, and that maybe he still doesn’t know what it is, but he said he’s more inclined to say yes he did love me. But then He seemed so standoffish and cold. Like he never even cared. Anyway. We broke up 2 months ago, and it’s now been 1 month of NC and he hasn’t reached out once. His friends continue to watch my snapchat and one told me he just needs time and space to think. It’s been 2 months since he said that and now my ex seems further than ever. Do I stand any chance of getting him back, and if so how?! I genuinely feel as if he is the one for me. And I miss him so much it hurts. But I’ve stuck to the NC – I guess I had to considering how badly things ended the last time we spoke.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2017 at 2:41 pm

      Hi Rakhee,

      It was a short relationship so, it’s a small chance.. And also, being active in posting during nc means doing posts that doesn’t disappear after 24 hours.
      How much did you do that and how much did you improve yourself?

  4. Luna

    December 12, 2017 at 7:23 pm

    Hi Amor

    Surface level – means we greet say hellos – discuss kids and then odd how is work me work and that’s it.

    The same goes for texting – don’t discuss much other than practical logistical stuff.

    I guess that is ok even for NC but my point was I couldn’t understand how NC will work if he’s the one asking me to let go and to continue with the distance – like it’s all about if you Practise NC then usually the ex doesn’t expect it so now they miss you:

    Are you saying even if he’s asked me for it and even if it doesn’t make him miss me it’s still better I do it and create even more space and even stop the odd kids logistical stuff because he’s asked for it and now I have to do it to respect his wishes ?

    I guess I have to seek even more space if not to want him back purely to respect his wishes.

  5. Rachel

    December 11, 2017 at 8:37 pm

    Hey EBR,
    My ex-boyfriend ended things in June after 8 years together. For age reference, we began dating in high school. His reason being he needed to work on himself and he was freaking out about life. During that time I did a lot of soul-searching, got in great shape through diet and exercise, bought a car, and moved into an apartment with roommates in the city. For awhile we were distant but had the same friend group so we would run into each other often and, full disclosure, would occasionally hook up. We stayed in contact through October, at which point I actually thought things were improving as we were hanging out more and speaking more often, I was even going to his rec sports games, when he told me he was moving to a different city for a job.

    I was obviously devastated but at that point I had been reading your posts for a few months and decided to start a period of no-contact. I told him I cared for him, would miss him, and wished him all the best, but I needed some time to focus on myself. He said he understood and we went a month without speaking. He eventually reached out to me a month later, asked if we could have a phone call (which we did) and we started to talk more frequently; however, I made it a goal not to give off signs of over-eagerness and I was very casual. I never mentioned getting back together but at one point I said I needed to find a date for a friend’s wedding I’m going to in May and he said ‘a lot can happen in 6 months (referring to our relationship). He came home for Thanksgiving and asked to get together for a drink, which I did. We had a great time and it was obvious how happy he was to see me. He spent the night telling me how much he missed me, all the things we would do “when” I came to visit him in his new city, how he told his friends he wanted to marry me someday, how he wants to start something new together, I’m the most amazing person he’s ever met, and that all he needs is more time to figure himself out and that he’s so terrified of commitment because of his parent’s tumultuous relationship. At one point he got choked up talking about it. He even started mentioning things he would do differently if we got back together. We did end up sleeping together (I know this is a big no-no and I know I shouldn’t have), and after the weekend ended he flew back to his current state. I should note that I still keep in touch with his mom as we are very close. She keeps asking me if I will be attending Christmas Eve.

    At this point we are still talking, but it’s clear he’s still not ready for anything committed and that we will not be spending Christmas Eve together (for the first time in 7 years). At this point I don’t know if he’s completely stringing me along with all of these things he is saying, means what he says but is dragging his feet because he can, or if I need to make something happen to move this forward for the future. This is a frivolous detail, but he is also following a lot of new girls on Instagram and there is always a chance he is having a fling with someone down there.

    That said, when he comes home for Christmas and possibly asks me to hang out: Do I say no? Do I start no-contact again? Do I agree but keep it strictly to a cup of coffee? Do I start no-contact again now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2017 at 4:27 am

      Hi Rachel,

      If you didn’t sleep with him, would he still be around? If you put yourself in his shoes, does it look like you’re chasing hoping for him to come back?

  6. Lisa

    December 11, 2017 at 7:39 pm

    I was dating this guy for almost 2 year, we are both 27, it was the prefect realtionship he was my best friend we did everything together and have never fought, talked about the further, we were even a month away from living together. Then bam he breaks up with me out of no where with no signs either!!!…saying he’s needs to be single, thought he was ready but isn’t, only wish’s we met 2 years later… it has been a month and half. At the begging I begged for him back and asking for us to try. I noticed he was getting frustrated with that so i then just tried casual conversations.. I tried nc for a week but since I’m crazy in love with him and scared he will move on or forget about me I broke down and texted him.. which only made me sadder since he was still not seaming to have missed me … he says he can see us getting back together one day but not for a long time (ps I know he has been hooking up with different people since the break up)… do I have a change of getting him back!?? He is the love on my life

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 2:13 am

  7. Renee

    December 11, 2017 at 5:18 pm

    Need some advice

    Was dating my mate for about 4 mons and 2 mons in i made a mistake and lied to him just to see the outcome of him carrying and it back fired on me he believe If i can lye about something petty that can lye about something else so for about 2 months we’re been goin back in forward one day he’s cool the next he’s a new person one minute we moving forward next feel like we took 10 steps back so i kept pursuing hoping to get him back on the same page . Now it came a time when it seem like we were back to it i started to complain abt seeing him and about him giving me 100 cause i don’t want nothing less . I started to notice more i complain too him how i felt the more distant he became . He started ignoring my texts texts when he wanted also called when he wanted to the point i was upset cause it seem like he was dragging me i tol him he’s grown he should know what he want he like he don’t know from that conversation i didn’t hear frm him i just went cold turkey i wanted to see if he would contact me nothing after 3 days i Gave in i text him like how u act like i don’t exist he say i could say the same thing which made no sense cause he haven’t reached out so how u can say the same ? He later tells me he can’t do it my mind isn’t where it’s supposed to be which has me clueless because I’ve been nothing but on him . So i left him alone NC he contacts me 2 days later texting me lol I text back hours later wats funny he tells me he will call me i said ok . All of sudden he mentions he’s been sick i wish him well he calls few later acting like nothing happend asking me how me and daughter been , so i asked wat was the lol about he tells i seen you on fb seen ya picture i wouldn’t care if Yu had a million likes i end up telling him i was only on there to make him jealous smh he tells me what i did was wack so he’s being wack he needed to show me he wasn’t playing after hearing that i started to pour all my feelings out told him my mission is only to be with him make things better he go i hear you , only thing he says we will see moving forward seem dull to me convo ended regular he tells me to text him in the morning for him to leave me on seen while texting the next morning i thought we were good i was confused til i text him like hey mr petty he tells me i don’t get it i asked you gonna be like this forever no reply but i text he need to stop he says i don’t kno why we talking about this we talked about this already .so i try to change the convo he didn’t even reply i was hurt . So i told myself NC about 5 days later he texts me 4 am randomly we’re not fb friends so u can log back on , which was stupid cause my page was disactivated i didn’t even reply back cause i new he was tryna get to me he text few hours later saying now I’m back to my setting kinda upset me so i text briefly til he came and said if it wasn’t snowing he would tol me to come see him i replied cause he never talked that way he never text back what do i do please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2017 at 1:15 am

      Hi Renee,
      Restart the count, stick to at least 30 days because the more you restart it, the less it can help you..

  8. K.

    December 11, 2017 at 9:33 am

    Hi again. Since I didn’t receive any message from him during the NC period, I decided to extend it by 15 days. I do know that the more I do NC, the less effective it is, but I made this decision based on his recent behavior and my knowledge about his personality (he’s not the one to make the first move). So last week, right after 30 days had passed, he started approaching me and talking to me (still very awkwardly) about some minor stuff. I kept being friendly and even made him follow me right after I finished talking to him and went to chat with someone else. However, he’s been acting weird this week – two days ago he just stormed out of the room after the lecture was over, but then started to walk very slowly towards the exit, as if he wanted me to catch up with him (which I didn’t). Today he ignored me completely (there was a seat next to me and he hesitated to sit down for so long that another person came in and sat there – it looked ridiculous) and, what’s worse, as I was walking out of the building, he pretended he hadn’t noticed me and didn’t say ANYTHING. What to do now? I’m confused by his fluctuating attitude. I’ve made a lot of friends since we broke up, improved myself to the point everyone has started noticing all the positive changes, and become extra active on social media.
    Thanks,
    K.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 5:24 pm

      Hi K,
      You have to initiate conversations so, you can slowly build rapport..

  9. Ari

    December 11, 2017 at 8:52 am

    Ex’s mum told us to break up because we were too close too young, refusing to let us see eachother. She doesn’t want him to have a girlfriend. He told me that he would always love me and we would try to keep close, to get me to agree with her demands. That if we were friends we would be able to see eachother. However 2 weeks later he now likes another girl (a friend who had been constantly around him during our relationship, he knows I dislike her because of this- and she likes him) Naturally I thought he had been cheating on me. After several arguments over her and the situation, he has now told me to leave him alone, and that he likes her and he has moved on, she is his new best friend and that he doesn’t like me the way he used to and things have changed. It’s been a month since we broke up, and we agreed to keep in contact with eachother every day, as he is my best friend, but recently he wants me to go away, however last week before the argument, we had planned to see eachother and when we saw eachother last week he kissed me. I’m very upset that our memories are being replaced. I really do love him. He said that he wouldn’t do any of this. Now he’s went back on everything. The other girl and my ex have said that they don’t want to start anything for now because they know what it looks like. What can I do? He said that he didn’t want to let me think that in time all this would be resolved. However I believe that we were truely meant to be together.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 6:33 am

  10. Luna

    December 11, 2017 at 6:47 am

    Hi Tara

    Good article – the problem is how does this work if;

    1. Your ex keeps telling you he doesn’t miss you because he moved out and knows he is at peace because he feels through all your past baggage you have broken his heart and can’t trust you enough to let you back in?

    2. Wants you to let him go and tells you this because he wants to ‘give you advice’ on how to move on which is the space and letting go – it’s like he won’t fold on NC because he wants me to give it to him so perhaps he can feel less guilty about me hanging on to him?

    3. I can try and do this but I’m sure it will make him happy.

    4. Finally we share 2 kids together so he will message to check in how they are or when he comes to fetch them for his weekend I see him and we do a bit of surface level communication – during the NC how do I avoid this? I am actually thinking of moving to another city because it’s hard doing this with him around in the same city 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 6:31 am

      Hi Luna,

      What do you mean about surface level communication? If it’s only about that kids that’s ok. Would you rather have him think you’re not changing and will continue to chase?

  11. Olivia

    December 11, 2017 at 12:18 am

    Hi, Thanks for a great post! My boyfriend and I arent broken up yet , but we are at a “limbo stage” where he is not sure about his feelings for me anymore and we are thinking about breaking up.Would the advice from this post help? Instead of me convincing him to stay with me —- to just continue to have a lot of activities outside of him? Thanks!

  12. Shortie Spice

    December 10, 2017 at 4:08 pm

    Hi Team,
    We started to be friends a little more than a year ago. I just went through an ugly break-up in the middle of last July and afterwards we started to talk. He pursued me quite a lot. I was very much hesitant, because a friend of mine had a one night fling with him, but she then fell for him also. So the months went on and we met every now and then…shared long walks after work and had long hours of genuinely great conversations. One day we talked and decided to watch a movie together at my place, where the whole thing started. In the end he stayed over, but in the morning I cried with resentment because I slept with a guy my friend used to like (she then had a relationship going on with a guy for a year), but still I felt insanely crap. We agreed not to meet, but then a company Christmas party came..he begged to sleep together, I refused, but a couple of weeks later, we ended up together again, when I discovered I still was not ready for a relationship.. We talked a lot and he understood. Somehow, though, in the middle of January, he reached out to me to spend the evening together, casually. That`s when everything changed. I respected that he kept my boundaries, but at the same time I saw how he just wanted to be happy with me – and we started dating for real. I asked not to be blunt about it at work, because my used-to-be-friend made it very hard. Screamed at me and then started spreading disgusting gossip never leaving us to rest. I still was hesitant and wanted to take things very slow because of my past breakup and feeling generally afraid. I fell ill over the spring – I was in bed for 3 weeks after which we had a rough fight that ended in a panicky break-up. We both regretted it, but he had an ideology not to go back, no second chances. But we did it still and it was awesome for months, we met each others` parents and it was true bliss. Then in September a rough patch came to his life.. he started to feel out of place, he did not like his job and felt genuinely out of touch with his life. See… he is coming from a wealthy family, he has his own apartment that he got from his parents, they have a weekend house at the lake, they like to go kayaking and they have their own boat they enjoy. That`s where he spends all his summer weekends. There was a problem, though. I have a severe fear of water, I fell in deep water when I was a child and could not swim. So I asked if it was possible for the two of us to go and swim together so I can get accustomed to it in our home town, without anyone else. I was very much afraid of `not performing` well in front of his parents. After our first weekend there with his parents, his mom told me how beautiful and wealthy his last girlfriend was. I was so afraid to meet them again, especially going on a boat with a fear for my life…But when I started to overcome this, my grandmother was feeling worse and worse, we were in the midst of selling their house and moving the objects out of it. It took us four weekends with my parents. He started to feel unwell because I never joined him over the weekend to the lake, and I started to feel afraid, because he was feeling more and more tired and anxious. All I could see was he was working 10-12 hours a day, barely getting home to sleep and then immediately running to the lake just to come back even more tired. So the last weekend, I told him that it`s not okay. We need some time on our own to relax, to chill, to do –our- thing, because he by this time was totally giving up on work. There were lots of misunderstandings between us at the time, because he kept things to himself and was not really able to open up.. See, they do not really talk about hardships. Hardship is not very much known to him in terms of finances or private life. They live very freely and have everything. Then my grandmother died, my family collapsed. The sale of the apartments was still going on, my mother moved to my apartment for the working days, and I was already paying rent for my father in my apartment also. So this was a time, when he got tired of my family issues and his work issues. I tried asking him to spend time, like we did in the beginning to chill, to relax, to refresh ourselves, but we never had time .. it was a hard period for the both of us at work. But this also put stress on him once again. He felt he needed to perform in another field – in the relationship, too. And he lost it, he got overwhelmed… and so he broke up.
    We work at the same company a few metres away from each other. In the first few weeks we did not talk much, then a few weeks ago we started to talk. Finally. We went through everything that caused hurt for either of us. He opened up about how he wanted me to go with him on the weekends, I opened up about my insecurities, we gained a lot of understanding. We talked about why we did not move together… he wanted me to move to his place but he never mentioned, because he felt it would be futile having my mom and dad living with me temporarily.
    Then I told him I was preparing for this, my dad would be able to move.. but since he never asked me, we stayed. We talked a lot about how communication should have been better between us. And I honestly feel we have a clean slate ahead of us. Both of us know what matters for the other person now – so we can do it for the other. He is very much hesitant. He is very direct and stubborn. He says he has made a decision back then and he is defending that decision with rationalizing everything. In the past few days he has been trying to come increasingly closer to me. He comes out after me in the kitchen every time I am out. He tries to talk in person.. he even asked me out for a walk the other day. He said he wanted to kiss me, but his decision…and his parents are keeping him. He has an issue with his parents: he really wants to make up for everything he got from them and he does not want them to feel their son makes mistakes, so he is unable to stand in front of them and say just that: Okay, I gave up too early, I need this girl. We just had a Christmas party at the company yesterday. He was looking at me so much in love.. we danced, he raised me up in the air and held me, told me he knows I was right in everything and he has a lot to think of, because he made that decision for a reason back then. I asked him how much are his parents weighing in his reluctance? He said out of a scale of 10 – 25. He knows I am right, he knows there is a vision for us, but he is afraid we would break it once again. He is trying to console himself on tinder, I don`t know if he has any luck there. But I saw love and resentment in his eyes yesterday.
    What can I do now? I shared the story in completeness, so you can see all our difficulties..I really love this guy. He is just hitting 30 in January. How can I help him make this final step between knowing and finally acting against the fear of his parents disapproval?I am on good terms with his friends, they all are flabbergasted, they all keep telling him this was the greatest mistake he has ever made. Do you have any suggestion? I feel he is very close, he is just very stubborn. And we cannot really do no contact since we work in the same office.Please can you help? What is my gameplan if I love this boy and have serious belief in this?

  13. Shortie Spice

    December 10, 2017 at 4:07 pm

    Is it okay if I do not see the comment I posted? 🙂

  14. Shortie Spice

    December 10, 2017 at 3:52 pm

    Hello there,
    We started to be friends a little more than a year ago. I just went through an ugly break-up in the middle of last July and afterwards we started to talk. He pursued me quite a lot. I was very much hesitant, because a friend of mine had a one night fling with him, but she then fell for him also. So the months went on and we met every now and then…shared long walks after work and had long hours of genuinely great conversations. One day we talked and decided to watch a movie together at my place, where the whole thing started. In the end he stayed over, but in the morning I cried with resentment because I slept with a guy my friend used to like (she then had a relationship going on with a guy for a year), but still I felt insanely crap. We agreed not to meet, but then a company Christmas party came..he begged to sleep together, I refused, but a couple of weeks later, we ended up together again, when I discovered I still was not ready for a relationship.. We talked a lot and he understood. Somehow, though, in the middle of January, he reached out to me to spend the evening together, casually. That`s when everything changed. I respected that he kept my boundaries, but at the same time I saw how he just wanted to be happy with me – and we started dating for real. I asked not to be blunt about it at work, because my used-to-be-friend made it very hard. Screamed at me and then started spreading disgusting gossip never leaving us to rest. I still was hesitant and wanted to take things very slow because of my past breakup and feeling generally afraid. I fell ill over the spring – I was in bed for 3 weeks after which we had a rough fight that ended in a panicky break-up. We both regretted it, but he had an ideology not to go back, no second chances. But we did it still and it was awesome for months, we met each others` parents and it was true bliss. Then in September a rough patch came to his life.. he started to feel out of place, he did not like his job and felt genuinely out of touch with his life. See… he is coming from a wealthy family, he has his own apartment that he got from his parents, they have a weekend house at the lake, they like to go kayaking and they have their own boat they enjoy. That`s where he spends all his summer weekends. There was a problem, though. I have a severe fear of water, I fell in deep water when I was a child and could not swim. So I asked if it was possible for the two of us to go and swim together so I can get accustomed to it in our home town, without anyone else. I was very much afraid of `not performing` well in front of his parents. After our first weekend there with his parents, his mom told me how beautiful and wealthy his last girlfriend was. I was so afraid to meet them again, especially going on a boat with a fear for my life…But when I started to overcome this, my grandmother was feeling worse and worse, we were in the midst of selling their house and moving the objects out of it. It took us four weekends with my parents. He started to feel unwell because I never joined him over the weekend to the lake, and I started to feel afraid, because he was feeling more and more tired and anxious. All I could see was he was working 10-12 hours a day, barely getting home to sleep and then immediately running to the lake just to come back even more tired. So the last weekend, I told him that it`s not okay. We need some time on our own to relax, to chill, to do –our- thing, because he by this time was totally giving up on work. There were lots of misunderstandings between us at the time, because he kept things to himself and was not really able to open up.. See, they do not really talk about hardships. Hardship is not very much known to him in terms of finances or private life. They live very freely and have everything. Then my grandmother died, my family collapsed. The sale of the apartments was still going on, my mother moved to my apartment for the working days, and I was already paying rent for my father in my apartment also. So this was a time, when he got tired of my family issues and his work issues. I tried asking him to spend time, like we did in the beginning to chill, to relax, to refresh ourselves, but we never had time .. it was a hard period for the both of us at work. But this also put stress on him once again. He felt he needed to perform in another field – in the relationship, too. And he lost it, he got overwhelmed… and so he broke up.
    We work at the same company a few metres away from each other. In the first few weeks we did not talk much, then a few weeks ago we started to talk. Finally. We went through everything that caused hurt for either of us. He opened up about how he wanted me to go with him on the weekends, I opened up about my insecurities, we gained a lot of understanding. We talked about why we did not move together… he wanted me to move to his place but he never mentioned, because he felt it would be futile having my mom and dad living with me temporarily.
    Then I told him I was preparing for this, my dad would be able to move.. but since he never asked me, we stayed. We talked a lot about how communication should have been better between us. And I honestly feel we have a clean slate ahead of us. Both of us know what matters for the other person now – so we can do it for the other. He is very much hesitant. He is very direct and stubborn. He says he has made a decision back then and he is defending that decision with rationalizing everything. In the past few days he has been trying to come increasingly closer to me. He comes out after me in the kitchen every time I am out. He tries to talk in person.. he even asked me out for a walk the other day. He said he wanted to kiss me, but his decision…and his parents are keeping him. He has an issue with his parents: he really wants to make up for everything he got from them and he does not want them to feel their son makes mistakes, so he is unable to stand in front of them and say just that: Okay, I gave up too early, I need this girl. We just had a Christmas party at the company yesterday. He was looking at me so much in love.. we danced, he raised me up in the air and held me, told me he knows I was right in everything and he has a lot to think of, because he made that decision for a reason back then. I asked him how much are his parents weighing in his reluctance? He said out of a scale of 10 – 25. He knows I am right, he knows there is a vision for us, but he is afraid we would break it once again. He is trying to console himself on tinder, I don`t know if he has any luck there. But I saw love and resentment in his eyes yesterday.

    What can I do now? I shared the story in completeness, so you can see all our difficulties..I really love this guy. He is just hitting 30 in January. How can I help him make this final step between knowing and finally acting against the fear of his parents disapproval?
    I am on good terms with his friends, they all are flabbergasted, they all keep telling him this was the greatest mistake he has ever made. Do you have any suggestion? I feel he is very close, he is just very stubborn. And we cannot really do no contact since we work in the same office.
    Please can you help? What is my gameplan if I love this boy and have serious belief in this?

  15. Rishika Sinha

    December 10, 2017 at 7:43 am

    Hello!!
    So i was dumped a month and a half ago. We both wanted to be together forever and it felt like true love. However I started arguing a lot and he didn’t like it, he eventually said he couldn’t take it anymore.

    For two weeks since the breakup I texted him and he replied, he did miss me a lot. I decided to do no contact and told him I’ll be busy for a while. I did no contact for two weeks then it was broken cause I stupidly decided to follow some girls he was following on Instagram. He called and told me not to. I still did it and he said I annoyed him and he blocked me on Instagram, the last social media platform I wasn’t blocked on. He still kept my number. I called and apologised and acted desperate promising to change etc. Didn’t work. I realised that the reason for the breakup was due to my depression. So I started improving myself, I texted him to call me so we could discuss about me going to church for the first time. He is Christian and I used to be a non-believer. He helped me out a lot and immediately called me. We texted a bit afterwards and then I again implemented no contact. 2 days in, i get an ‘accidental’ text from him which I know is faked as he said he meant to send it to his brother, who has a completely different name than mine and also has a picture of him next to his name on my ex’s phone. I replied saying “sorry what?” And he said it was for his bro, I knew I shouldn’t talk long so I said alguds and ended it there with it. It’s been 5 days since that and I haven’t got anything else.
    Since I am not on his social media I know he’ll really miss me now. After the breakup he talked to me everyday and liked my posts. I am going out and having fun, getting over my depression that stemmed from some childhood bullying. I made a new public Instagram so anyone can see that and am putting happy motivating pics there encouraging people to be happy and healthy. Which I know he’ll love. I plan to wish him merry Christmas and on 2nd jan happy New Years on instagram message so he’ll see my new public account.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 4:35 am

      Hi Rishika,

      if he texts again, don’t reply because that means you’ll have to restart the count again.

  16. Susan

    December 10, 2017 at 1:58 am

    My ex of 3 yrs and I have had a rough year, in the spring he decided to be “the dad to his cousins baby” (sperm donor via aspiration behind his vasectomy.) He told me his plan, I got no input. I was not agreeable to it. We broke up got back together & have gotten through it. Now 8 months later I asked him for clarity on where our relationship is headed. The plan has always to have a future together. Now he can’t see himself married to me. He has cheated on me before and is showing similar signs he is again but I have no proof. We mutually agreed to break up. This is not what I want. From the day I met him I have felt I would take care of him & we would be together until death. This is a bit of our story but missing a lot of details. I do not know what to do at this point.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 2:14 am

  17. lisa

    December 10, 2017 at 1:06 am

    I was in a two year relationship (both in our late 20’s), prefect relationship no fighting we were best of friends. Talkin about the future and a month away from living together. Then out of no where, bam! Broke up with me! Told me he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and needed to be single for a few years… I already know he Is back to his player life style..I was destroyed. I begged for us to try. He got frustrated, then went to small talk because I was scared he would forget about me! .. I am now a week into no contact, but it’s killing me! Do I have a shot of getting him back?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 2:13 am

  18. Melissa

    December 9, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    My ex and I split about 2 months ago after 4 years. This is after being separated for 13 years. Yes, we were together before and we have a son who is 17. My ex never gave up on getting me back, not even when he was married for 7 years. That being said, we got back together 4 years ago. Now been apart for 2 months after he got extremely intoxicated and violent one night. This isn’t like him. Needless to say, he ended up in jail and is now going through court stuff. He blames me for it all. We weren’t allowed to even talk for a month and now we can have contact by text. A few weeks ago he told me that I forced him to make a decision about us although I didn’t. At that point he told me that he needs to move on. I never wanted it to end. I just wanted him to get help for his drinking problem. I love him so much and I’m not the same without him. I seriously feel like I’m dying from a broken heart. We text every now and then just casual. Is it really that easy for him to walk away after all the time he spent to bring me back in his life?? Does he really feel nothing at all?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 2:07 am

      Hi Melissa,

      is he still in jail? If not, where is he now? Do you still see him when he sees his son?

  19. Mia

    December 9, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    Before we broke up almost 2 weeks ago, I had preordered a new phone and had it shipped to his apartment since deliveries are signed for at the leasing office.i forgot all about it. i just got notification yesterday that the order was shipped. I asked my friend to contact him about bringing the phone to her. She did but she also added on (which I did not say) that I wanted anything else that might be at his place. Should I just let her get my items or should I contact him directly especially because it’s a brand new cell phone? Not sure what to do and if having her contact was the best thing. He broke up with me (2nd time in a year)because he felt he couldn’t make me happy, I should find someone else, and he’s not emotionally available like I deserve.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 2:09 am

      Hi Mia,

      did you talk to him?

  20. Michelle

    December 9, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    I saw my ex at a friend’s wedding during no contact. I chose to not care about it and was having fun with my friends. Suddenly he came and asked me what’s up. I kept it casual and said I’m good. He came few minutes later and said why are you ignoring me are you angry with me or something? I said why would I be angry and went subtly tp talk to other friends. He then tried talking again and again and I kept the conversation very short. Does that mean no contact is working? I was very calm and confident the whole time.
    He seems to be a little upset after a while..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 2:01 am

      Hi Michelle,

      yup, it is..

  21. Kellie

    December 9, 2017 at 3:02 pm

    My ex got into school me we started fighting more and he became interested in other girls he broke up with me but said he was still hopeful about us in the future, I became very depressed and begged and tried to show him how much I loved him for 2 months and now he has moved on and hates me, he told me to talk to someone else and get over him bc he doesn’t care anymore

  22. Pu

    December 9, 2017 at 1:39 pm

    We broke up 4 months ago (in Aug) only via a text from my ex said that he wanted to stop here cuz he’s not happy with the relationship and didn’t love me anymore, he also need to focus on other plans (we argued too much during 2 years together that made him too tired, and most of them are because of my personality). Up to now, we haven’t seen each other. I tried to convince him that I can change or at least I need a talk in person to make everything clear but he refused all. Then he asked me to be in the NC in 1 month and after that we could get back, but I broke the rule (at that time I didn’t know about how the NC works). After the NC, he had his decision of going away and I couldn’t do anything to change his mind. But it’s not only a hard time for me but also for him. He felt so bad, couldn’t sleep and drink too much. I thought that I could advise him to be better so I texted him but I was wrong, it made him feel worse. At that time I informed him that I won’t annoy him until he finish his exam (in Nov) and started my NC. Up to now we haven’t contacted over 2 months, so I’m not sure if I should do something because I don’t think he will be the one who contact me first.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 1:59 am

      Hi Pu,

      how much are you improving yourself and how active are you in posting in social media?

  23. Becky

    December 9, 2017 at 9:55 am

    Hi, so, I’m not sure what is best in my situation. I did no contact, was planning on 30 days but ended up talking to my ex at 26 days because we talked about exchanging items. He started chasing me and coming on very strong but I managed that for the first two weeks, until he invited me round to hang out. We started to have sex but I stopped it and said I couldn’t because I need to be in a relationship for that. I then found out that he’d been sleeping with other women very regularly and hadn’t used protection with me, even though I’d stopped it. He said he was clean and used protection with the other women but the whole situation upset me a lot. We argued and then talked it through.

    He said that he’d been aiming to get back with me but it was impossible and we argue too much and we should never talk to each other again. I said we should just stay as friends and eventually he agreed. We said we should work on our communication and the problems we have that make us argue. Should I restart no contact or do a mini no contact and then build rapport? I feel like I chased him because I admitted I had feelings for him still.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 1:55 am

      Hi Becky,

      yup, do a mini nc..

  24. Dawn

    December 9, 2017 at 1:43 am

    This guy and I seen each other for 2 years but not exclusively. Long story short, he wasn’t willing to commit and I stayed through the good and the bad. He finally commuted to a girl that knew nothing of his past and it wasn’t me. 7 months later he still refuses to let me out of his life. Telling me how important I am to him and he needs us to stay friends. He doesn’t want to lose me. I know there’s some level of feelings and he won’t see me for fear of doing something he regrets. We text every single day, all day long but then he stays the night at her place. Im beyond hurt, ive told him i cant be friends but he’s very persistent in texting me everyday. I don’t understand it or know what to do. I’m starting NC and could really use a male perspective on where he’s coming from.

  25. Beverly ward

    December 8, 2017 at 11:51 pm

    So 16 years and around 3 months relationship in October he leaves me for his first love to see how it will go our love was true and unconditional love he says he has a different kind of love with her the same day he left me he moved in with her and her family she is married still in November was was talking and he was flirting with me and I guess I put my foot in my mouth could not stop telling him how I felt and then SHE tells him he can’t be around me anymore unless she is there so now he’s not talking again and I still think I have a chance he came to a family thing on Thanksgiving and even told someone there he was going to go back to me if it doesn’t work out with HER and I want him back but don’t want to be second choice

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 3:13 pm

  26. V

    December 8, 2017 at 1:44 pm

    I ended it 11 days ago with this guy. I met him online via a language exchange website (he was learning English and I wanted to practice my Spanish). We started talking in January and talked every single day since day one and then we fell in love with each other despite the distance (I’m in Manila, he’s in Buenos Aires) and the age difference (I’m 30 and he’s 23). We talked and shared about everything in our lives. We even had plans of being together for real and maybe starting a family. I went away for a month to Europe (Germany and Spain) and he was always there talking to me. We were gonna meet up in Madrid but it didn’t happen because there were problems with his flight. When I got home to Manila, it was his turn to be away for a month to learn Italian in Rome and that’s when things got bad. We talked less and less and I got so clingy. He said he didn’t have the time to read my messages, but that he reads them when before he goes to bed at night. The first time I ended it, I blocked him on WhatsApp and Instagram but then talked to him again the next day. He has the tendency to get cold and so we agreed to do it again slowly but then we almost never talked anymore. I would see him online on WhatsApp but he almost never talked to me. It became worse and so I ended it. In the end I didn’t say nice things to him. I haven’t reached out since then and he blocked me too on WhatsApp. But honestly, I want a second chance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 10:11 am

      Hi Virginia,

      Honestly, it’s a small chance because you’re ldr, he’s young and immature.. Check this one:
      If You Had a Long Distance Breakup Here Is How You Get Back Together

  27. Felicity

    December 8, 2017 at 4:47 am

    How did I ever live without this website? Seriously could have used this in the last two years.

    Long story short my ex an I were together about 5 months. I’m 26, he’s 30. He came out of the blue, totally unexpected. I honestly haven’t met anyone who has ever made me so happy and laugh so much. Basically, he came with some baggage – a child – which is completely fine, but worse than that…his finance left him a week before their wedding and took their child across the other side of the country.

    We had a great time together, but even after a month or so it was clear he had a real issue with commitment. Not that he never wanted to be in a relationship again, but more that he never wanted to go through another break up and was kind of scared from his experience. Fair enough…what wasn’t fair was even 4 months or so into our relationship he was still sleeping with other people.

    I’ve never been in a situation like it and he was totally open and honest about it so I went along with it. For a while it was okay…but when we spent every waking minute together, getting more serious and going away together, I realised I couldn’t go on like that. To be honest, the way he acted was that we were 100% in a relationship – everything he did in his actions pointed to this. As you can imagine, I was surprised every time I learned that he wasn’t 100% exclusive, despite what he had originally told me.

    I was the girl that tried to change the guy, despite knowing he couldn’t and ended up heartbroken. It go too much and eventually we broke up – he said he couldn’t promise me he would ever change and that was enough for me.

    I did 30 days NC. He contacted me once to apologise and asked me to understand his situation. That he never meant to hurt me. I didn’t reply and he didn’t try contacting me. I was lucky when it came to day 30, I had planned everything I was going to say, I had worked on me and got back into shape. We didn’t delete each other of social media, but he watched every story I ever posted, and liked every photo I put up on Instagram. After contacting him, he spent the next week texting me every two days. Asking questions.

    Building rapport was hard, and there were times of miscommunication. He asked me a couple of times into the first two weeks or so of talking again to catch up. I think I was a little blunt in my answers of saying no, not yet. He didn’t really respond much a few times here and there. Or I would start a conversation with him and he would only give one positive answer and would just stop replying.

    Eventually we built up a good call rapport and I agreed to catch up. He seemed really excited about it and picked me up from work. We were in the middle of pay week so we decided to save some money and I would cook for us – his favourite thing. It was an amazing night, we laughed a lot and joked. Initially he tired to bring up the break up and I waved it off – not wanting to get into that sort of this. He asked me over and over again if I was seeing anyone and I told him the truth, no, but that I was happy and having fun. He said he didn’t believe me, but meh.

    And here’s my mistake…my one weakness after all the good I’ve done. We got pretty hammered and I asked him to kiss me. He told me no, that it wasn’t a good idea…Now I never take no as an answer and eventually convinced him…then convinced him to stay the night even though he was reluctant…then we slept together. I know! BIG NO NO. I knew my mistake the second I woke up.

    The only issue in our 5 month relationship was that I was always pushing for his commitment, and every time I did he freaked out. And he I was, pushing him again! Don’t get me wrong, he would kiss me and say it was a bad idea, but he wanted it just as badly as I did…but I should have stayed strong. If I hadn’t of done anything it would have been a great night.

    What’s worse is that in the morning, he couldn’t get out of there quick enough. He isn’t working much at the moment, and had the day off so he had no where to be…he claimed to have a headache (he did look quite ill and we drank A LOT), but complained about traffic and kind of shook off any mention I made of catching up on the weekend (whereas while cooking dinner he agreed and was excited).

    I was so ashamed (and hung) yesterday I didn’t message him, but today I gave in and cleared the air. He was responsive at first, but when I made a bit of a sexual flirty joke he didn’t reply. It’s always how i’ve talked, but now? I’m freaking out.

    Things I know – nothing has really changed…he still has his fear of locking himself down to one girl (grass is greener syndrome to the MAX). The only way things will change is when he can trust again, and no matter what I say or do, he needs to figure that out for himself.

    What I am scared of is that I have lost his respect, that I pushed just like in our relationship. I think he thinks I’m a bit clingy now and chasing him. I feel devalued and definitely not the unbeatable girl.

    Please help!!! Is there any hope for us? I’m at the final stages and now I have no idea how to act or what to do, especially after what happened on our date. Do you have any examples of how long getting back together could take?

    Sorry for the length… definitely not short.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 9:52 am

  28. Kimberly Thomas

    December 8, 2017 at 12:53 am

    So Sunday I had his laptop to finish up my work. I send myself emails from his so I can get stuff done faster. I saw in his email one from his ex mind you it was 8 months ago but he hid it from me. He told me before he had no problem with his ex however why didn’t you tell me? He is in my phone constantly when I have something. I show him my phone. He shows me his. However I brought it we were already in a slight disagreement because I felt like he was being fake nice after I tried last night to make an effort after he was being rude so he gave his laptop. He wrote me after I left saying. You had a bad attitude and you couldn’t even say thank you. Blah blah blah. I explained my side and nothing found this out and told him. He called me crazy and stuff. He blocked me on Snapchat and from his phone. He was supposed to get his stuff Sunday after work. Never came. I called him blocked number and he just sat on the phone didn’t say anything. I went to his house to give him his stuff and he didn’t answer the door. I heard him inside and nothing. Called again. Same thing sat on the phone. Now today I woke up in tears calling calling no answer. Sent him an email from his so he will get it no answer. In your opinion are we over? I apologized for calling him names I was just mad and for going through his stuff no answer. When we have been soo good and now this. This is our biggest fight. He has never blocked me on Snapchat before and I have no way of contacting him✓
    i sent an email. He said that right now dating out the picture and we can be cool however I spoke to a psychic this morning and it was spot on and she was saying ignore him for awhile. He loves you. He is hurt right now. If he really was feeling like that why is he avoiding me so hard and haven’t came to get his stuff??✓
    I tried everything I could. I think I fucked up because I went to his house last night and he was like wtf are you doing here. I’m not fucking with you right now. Like he was really mad. He’s been saying for 3 days is coming to get. I literally was waiting and he ignored me calls. However he was sleeping but like why is he avoiding me like the plague. I’ve let him alone since last night and haven’t called once today. I saw him today at our university and he didn’t look at me when he was talking and was saying that he doesn’t want to date me anymore. He’s not gonna change his mind and wasn’t even paying me any type of attention. Then when he was walking away he was like we can be cool I’ll still come over and blah blah. I’m not dealing with this drama.✓ But what I’m not understanding is you did it! You went behind my back and started the argument. You can’t even sit down and just talk to solve the issue. Once we talk we never have the same problem anymore. I really just feel like it’s all my fault for his mistake. I’ve apologized. Left him alone for couple days. Everything
    Than he emailed me 3 hours ago asking where I’m at. & he needs his stuff before he leaves. I didn’t reply. I really need help right now

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 9:39 am

      Hi Kimberly,

      Restart the count of nc after you give him his stuff

  29. Marissa

    December 7, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    I’m confused. I have been reading a large amount of comments on different posts and somehow after no contact, EVERYONE seems to get a PASSIVE response along with an “I hope you’re doing well”. Can such a long no contact backfire? Can it make your ex comfortable with the idea of losing you instead of longing for your attention?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 9:30 am

      Hi Marissa,

      It depends.. Losing you was already in the mind of the guy if he broke up with you..he wouldn’t break up if he didn’t really want to lose you in the first place..

  30. Jack

    December 7, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    i hope u can help me understand me and my relationship of my ex. Well i have my daughter i left her dad this year and got with my new bf on february. Things were great i finally was happy and in love. But my daughters father was causing me drama and things started going bad between me and my bf. Then he decided to file for custody for my child. And things got bad between me and my bf i started getting depressed and was taking my anger out on him. And breaking up with him for no reason. So he got fed up and broke up with me. Also me and my bf had our own problems but i always stayed thru good and bad times. So i tried working things out with him and said he moved on and that he didnt love me anymore because of the way i acted. So he was being mean pushing me away saying all this stuff. So im hurt but im letting him go. But when we were together i couldnt open up exactly why i was such a way with him because i didnt know how to open up. When we were together one night a guy took advantage of me but thanks to God he saved me and was able to escape. So i finally decided to let him go and accept that we are done. I just needed closure so i told em what happened and for him not to feel sorry for me and think i want him back. I respect we were done. So i told em and he came to see me and told me he wanted to be there that why didnt i open up. And he came to see me that night laid down and hugged me. Then he came the next day and same thing hugged me and kissed me on the head. I told him he doesnt have to text me or see me just because of what happened to me. But he said no i wna see you and text you. So we kept texting everyday and he would flirt with me and then started sending me videos of our memories we had. I guess he still has em and told me he still has everything i gave him. I was like oh okay nice. Then he would call and facetime me. But not once we spoke about our relationship. Then he came again and we ended up hooking up. So im so confused because he told me wanted to be friends but is sending me mixed signals. And he knows i love him so idk why would he do that. He says hes moved on and that we arent getting back. I honestly dont know what he wants. So i told em that lets just stop talking and not to worry about me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 9:19 am

      Hi Jack,

      He probably still has feelings.. How long have you been talking now and are you going to do nc?

  31. Faith

    December 7, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me about one month ago. During this period i have begged, told him how much i miss him and miss us via whatsapp and facebook messages but not a single response. He has been ignoring me. Sent him a message of how i was bereaved of my brother in law and a week later i was attacked by hoodlums all within this one month period yet no response at all.
    I just started the 30 day no contact rule and at my day 5.
    I am dong good so far because in this one month i have had to not contact him for some days but the max i got to was four days and something important like the losses i experienced came up and i had to reach out to him.

    i am resolved to complete the 30 day no contact period

  32. Anna

    December 7, 2017 at 9:54 am

    My ex broke up with me at the end of October after 2 and a half years. I went into no contact for 3 weeks and reached out to him. We spoke for a while but he made it clear we weren’t getting back together. He even told me he was happier and liked someone else. I told him I loved him and I was going to let him go and that’s the last time I spoke to him a few days ago. He seems really into this girl and told me he doesn’t love me anymore. Do I still have a chance? I’m improving myself and posting on social media. If I don’t contact him at all and stay in NC until he contacts me will that work too? I don’t want to contact him and get rejected again because it’s too painful. If I stay away will he come back even if he wants me to stay away? Is he really over me after being broken up for just over a month? I don’t know what to think please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 8:37 am

      Hi Anna,

      There’s no guarantee in any situation that nc will make your ex come back..it just helps increase your chances..

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