By Tara O' Malley

“Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

This is the nail-biting question that makes you pace the floor, unable to concentrate on work or the other areas of your life, isn’t it?

You wonder if his focus will shift to other attractive diversions, whether he will fill up the spaces in his life with non-girlfriend things, or worse – new girlfriend things!

Your mind begins to wander throughout the day to obsessive thoughts . . .

“Don’t I need to ensure I’ll be a constant reminder to him . . . . or at the very least, an intermittent reminder? Hold on, I’d better find out where his head is at, hadn’t I . . .”

You check his Facebook.

You check his Instagram.

You check his Snapchat stories.

You obsessively scout to see whether he’s been checking your Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat stories.

Would it hurt to “like” one of his posts?

Should you talk to one of his friends?

His mom? I mean, you did get along so well, after all.

Wouldn’t it be a good idea to run into him at the gym?

If you don’t, will he find someone else to talk to and ohmygosh, could they turn into a thing?!?

” I’m afraid he’ll find someone else?”

I want you to take a deep breath.

Don’t hold it!

Okay, now take another one.

I’m going to tell you something, but you have to be ready to be open to it, because it is not something you are going to WANT to do. You just have to trust me.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

The Single BEST Thing You Can Do Is To Stop Chasing Him

“Why,” you ask?

Well, men are actually resistant to chasing, so it becomes counterproductive. Just let that sit with you for a minute.

If you’re follow up question is,

“If I stop chasing, will he start chasing me and come back to me?”

Then you are DEFINITELY on the right page.

Think about every time you gave into the urge…

  • to chase
  • to over-contact
  • to be needy
  • and to get into his space uninvited

When you do these things you are actually setting yourself back from your goal of having him chase you.

Because that’s what you both want, him chasing you.

Why Is It Important To Stop Chasing Him?

You see, men feel a bit cheated when they don’t get the opportunity to pursue.

Here’s an example. I was recently talking to a close male confidante of mine about a woman he is dating. We’ll call him Matt*.

Well, Matt* liked this girl, let’s call her Jane*, quite a bit before they began going out.

Jane is accomplished, ambitious, funny, beautiful, and within our circle of friends.

But, once they began flirting, Jane was very direct and came on too strong for his liking. Matt’s satisfaction decreased by several levels right from the start, he told me!

As the weeks wore on, Jane laid it on the line; she didn’t want to waste time playing games. She was too old for that, and wanted a real relationship. Matt tried to manage her expectations. He wasn’t sure if he wanted an exclusive relationship and Jane ended up accepting whatever he was willing to give her, even if it wasn’t the relationship she really wanted.

Now, when Jane wants to see him, she calls him before he even has the chance to ask her out. This leaves Matt” feeling ambivalent towards her. I mean, to me he says,

“I really likes her. She makes me laugh. And the sex is amazing. But I feel cheated of his opportunity to chase her.”

His interest is declining because of it. Therefore, he chooses continues to see other women.

There’s a simple, and universal, value proposition in this.

People value what they must work to obtain more.

Think about it.

What tastes better?

A BLT sandwich they slap together for you at the corner bodega with the bacon that’s been sitting there since that morning and some cold mealy tomatoes


The the BLT you slave over for 30 minutes, lovingly frying the bacon yourself, sending the aroma wafting through the house, slicing and salting those thick red heirloom tomato slices, toasting the bread and then slathering on the mayonnaise, folding the crisp iceberg lettuce so carefully… biting into it with a little trickle of juice running down your wrist…

You get the point.

Dang. Now I want a BLT.

Or if you’re not a BLT person…

Well, first of all you are missing out, but that’s your call.

So, just think about it this way….

…let’s say you’re a music person.

Who doesn’t like music?!

Let’s say Pandora or Spotify suddenly redid their whole website and they wiped the entire history of your account. What would be harder to lose?

A playlist you have carefully curated and trained to “know” what you like?


A preset radio station that you had no input in?

Unfortunately, the opposite can also be said. What doesn’t take a lot of work to obtain actually decreases in value in our eyes. We have less of an attachment to it.

For instance, sometimes children born into financially well-off families are more careless with their more expensive belongings knowing they can be easily replaced.

Whereas, an individual who knows he can never get another Iphone if this one breaks will take much better care of it.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship, or a material possession. When we expend a greater amount of effort we develop greater emotional attachment. And you can use this to your advantage, my dears.

In the case of men, it is well-known that they derive a greater sense of satisfaction from expending a greater amount of effort. For those of you playing the home game, that means that they value the chase and derive more pleasure from it than they do when they don’t have to.

What Does This Mean For You?

Well, it means that shouldn’t be too easily accessible, available, or obtainable. You must be the Ungettable Girl.

And Ungettable Girls don’t chase.

Ungettable Girl is a Ex Boyfriend Recovery term that we use to describe the end result of becoming the best version of yourself. We even have a whole book on the subject. But if you just want to read a little bit about the process of becoming Ungettable, you could read more by following this link and reading more about it.
By now you should be thinking,

“Man! Not chasing him might be the SINGLE BEST thing I can do to get him back!”

And you would be right!

But Will He Even Notice?

I know what you are asking in your head right now.

“Will he even notice I stopped chasing him?”

The answer is yes, of course he will notice.

Up until now, you have been available, accessible, and obtainable.

It’s likely that he could predict your movements, your investments of time, and your patterns.

Take away that predictability, and anyone would notice.

First of all,let’s assume that when you were dating had a rough understanding of your schedule.

Let’s say your schedule was as follows:

  • you went to work or school daily
  • in the evenings you worked out
  • then you ate dinner
  • after dinner you would go to trivia night or babysat
  • and on weekends, you could generally be found at the swimming pool, the gym, the library, or on the couch.

Everyone has patterns, whether simple or complex like this one.

Furthermore, he was almost always assured of being able to get a response from you if he texted, called, messaged on Facebook, or Snapchatted. Whatever the method of contacting you, he knew you would jump at the opportunity to respond.

What If You Have Been Broken Up For a While?

All exes check in, all of them.

So, I can guarantee he’s been keeping tabs on your movements in some form or fashion, either outright or surreptitiously pseudo-stalking. You would be surprised to what lengths people go to to find out what their exes have been up to or who they have been spending their time with.

So, even if you have changed your schedule and patterns completely, almost every guy will still feel like they can predict your patterns and can access you if they want to, should they feel the urge.

And in both of these hypotheticals, since you are reading an article about chasing, we are assuming that up until now, you have continued to pursue him in some form or fashion.

You have been

  • reaching out to him
  • putting yourself in his path
  • “liking” his posts
  • sending him funny memes
  • texting him to just to say hello
  • dropping some “do you remembers” on him
  • casually bumping into him
  • perhaps even talking to his sister, mom, or friends

Even if you think you have been oh so casual, I promise he sees it as you chasing after him. This is how he feels.

So, if you stop all of that… what do you think is going to happen?

What is going to be left?

  • A void.
  • A vacuum.
  • An empty space.
  • The absence of predictability.
  • The absence of accessibility.
  • The absence of obtainability.

So, yes, my friends, he WILL notice!

And this is the magic of why No Contact works.

Let’s Review, Why Does No Contact Work?

If I wasn’t clear. No Contact works, because it’s based on a very simple principle.

They can’t miss you, if you aren’t gone.

You have to take yourself away

  1. as a physical presence
  2. as emotional support
  3. as a visible presence
  4. as a mental option

This makes them experience an emotional reaction.

But more than that, he’ll begin to wonder, all sorts of things.

“Did she stop liking me?”

“Did she decide I am I not good enough?”

“Did she find someone else?”

And ,again, that is the magic of Why No Contact Works.

Whatever happened with your breakup begins to be replaced by these thoughts and feelings of inadequacy in your ex’s mind. They will begin to drive him crazy! And he will HAVE to check out what your up to in order to quiet those questions.

Sure, you may have had your ups and downs. Maybe you were needy, clingy, and objected to his nights out with the boys.

Perhaps you argued, or maybe there were even some huge blow outs.

Words were said, words you both regret, words that have played over and over in your heads.

But, now, all he can think about is,

“What the heck is that girl doing?”

“Where is she?”

“WHY isn’t she online on messenger?”

“If she’s stopped doing being predictable… maybe she’s OUT doing something else with SOMEONE else!”

And if he has a life event that simultaneously occurs during this period, all the better, whether it’s a birthday, an accomplishment, or a loss.

Who would he normally turn to to share this with?

Well before I’m guessing you were his biggest cheerleader. So, if you aren’t there and you aren’t chasing him, then he’s going to feel that lack of you even more.
Some guys even become GNATs (going nuts at texting) because they cannot stand to be left in the dark!

It’s simple.

It’s clinical.

It’s strategic.

Maybe a little sneaky.

And it’s effective!

And once they are experiencing this emotional reaction, you have the opportunity to capitalize on it. But more on that later.

So How Do I Keep Him From Forgetting About Me?

You’re wondering this, too, aren’t you?

How did I know?

Well, because I WAS you at some point. We all were.

At some point we all wonder how to keep our exes from forgetting us.

So, first you have to ask yourself,

“How can someone forget about someone that was once irreplaceable in just a few weeks or months? Is that even possible?”

The answer is no. Just no.

Furthermore, you aren’t going to be sitting around gathering dust.

Hopefully you spent No Contact becoming an Ungettable Girl.

You are on a mission!

What’s your mission?

Your mission is to have the most fun and be the happiest you’ve ever been! You have nothing holding you back right now. There is no one you have to balance your life with.

Let’s do a little exercise.

What are all of the things you never had time for, the things you sacrificed in order to be a great girlfriend?

  • Spending more time with your girlfriends?
  • Getting your nails done?
  • Did you stay in and cook dinner instead of hitting up the hot yoga class with your pals?
  • Have you been yearning to go on road trips but you were stuck in the stands watching his sports games?
  • Have you been waiting to write a book or record a song, but just haven’t had the time because of your relationship?

Well, guess what, lady! Now’s your chance!

Carpe Diem!

That’s “Seize the Day!” for those of you unfamiliar with latin, or the movie “Dead Poets Society.”

Self-care and a broad range of interests make all of us more attractive to others, in general, especially to an ex.
Particularly, when you have completed No Contact successfully, and he’s been driven up a wall wondering where has you’ve gone and what you could possibly be doing that doesn’t revolve around him.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Getting Your Ex To Chase You Without Being Obvious

I know what you’re thinking…

“There’s more?!”

Yes! there is!

Because when you do what I describe next, he’ll have a third emotional reaction.

He’ll think to himself,

“Whoa! How can she be so happy after we broke up? Maybe she wasn’t as into me as I thought she was. Did I make a mistake? I want her back!”

All of this puts you in a prime position for you to capitalize on his emotions and remind him how much he really desires you and how much fun you two have together. You can do this by gradually and methodically getting back into contact with him using the tactics laid out in Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro.

First, though, you must learn to use two things to your advantage:

Your Social Media
Your Sphere of Influence

I say learn because you have to use them carefully.

Your Social Media includes any posting updates about your life through social media channels like Facebook, Snapchat, etc. There is an obvious and over-the top way to go about it. Or there is a subtle way to go about it. Our goal is the latter.

Your Sphere of Influence means connecting with people in your mutual circle who will learn how you are doing and what you are up to and get a positive impression of you.

Think of it like this, you want to create your “brand” with both of these tools. Your brand is your image, and you don’t want to send the wrong message.

So, you are going to want to put some thought into this.

What do you want to convey to him and to the world overall?

If you don’t want to seem like a frivolous party girl, be careful about posting lots of pictures with alcohol or out at the club with guys.

If you don’t want to seem boring, make sure you are posting about doing interesting things, not just “studying/working again.”

And the number one rule of thumb is to look good and smile.

Do this all the time, no matter where you are going or who you are meeting. Be positive and happy. Let it be known that you are living your life and living it well.

Don’t mention him, ask about him, or bring him up. Don’t seek out his friends or family. The information will trickle back to him somehow, trust me! Once that void where you were starts to be obvious to him, he will check on what you are up to.

Not only will he not forget you, he’ll be dying for you to reach out to him.

If you’ve previously been chasing him, he’ll wonder why you stopped . . . and it won’t take long for him to decide that he misses having you around. And when he does that, he will seek you out and start chasing you.

Let him.

So, my Ungettable Girls, stop chasing, because, when you do… they always come back!

So, Let’s Review

We’ve discussed a lot, but I think that the ULTIMATE take away from this article should be DON’T CHASE HIM!

  • Chasing will drive him away.
  • Removing yourself creates a void.
  • Don’t even worry about it, he’ll notice.
  • And. when he does start to pay attention…. don’t. be. obvious.

Alrighty, so in the comments below I am going to open up the floor for you to

  1. Tell me about your breakup
  2. Let me know what you’ve done so far
  3. And where you are in the EBR Process

From there our team will help you figure out where you need to go from here to get your ex back.

Are you ready?

Let’s go!

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317 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Stop Chasing Him?”

  1. Avatar


    December 25, 2020 at 4:24 am

    I was with this guy for 3.5 years.
    I have 3 kids that aren’t his.
    We certainly had our ups and downs, he cheated 2 years ago after an argument.. I struggled to cope and decided to stay but it was always a mission in my head. I guess I started taking him for granted and started to make him jealous.
    6months He started to hang with a friend he stopped seeing because of the cheating incident. Before that I felt that we were getting somewhere

    We started getting very very toxic. I couldn’t stop kicking him out every time it got tough.
    2 weeks ago, he didn’t come back. He went out slept with someone and now he doesn’t want anything to do with me and said he is never coming back. He said he has changed and he has made his decision.

    I begged for 4days, I then started the no contact rule and on the 3rd day he messaged me. I waited 5hours to reply. He wanted something if mine that we used togetehr. I don’t know if he wanted it because why didn’t he take it or he noticed I wasn’t messaging anymore. The next day I saw him at the gym and left, he then messaged and said he would change gyms.

    The following day I asked when he was going to grab it and I was ignored. When I asked why he was ignoring me 7hrs later he snapped. Then the following day he just rocked up to get it and it wasn’t pleasant to start with but ended with a goodbye cuddle.

    It’s not been 2 weeks and I’m hurt confused and everything… can I get him back, he seems to be very adamant I’ll never be apart of his life again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 30, 2020 at 7:35 pm

      Hi Ann, it sounds as if you both need a break from each other at this point so I would say that you need to complete a 45 day no contact, but yes you could possible get your ex back. However, I would suggest that you consider if you are going to be able to leave the past in the past. Even internally that battle causes a negative impact on your relationships and makes you not trust them even when you tell yourself that you do. Work through your own issues caused by this relationship and the cheating then decide if you want him back or not.

  2. Avatar


    November 30, 2020 at 11:20 pm

    I met someone online a month ago and we instantly hit it off. He was clear I was the only girl he was dating. Our dates were all suggested by him and he pursued like crazy. I felt so confident. Then last week I told him about something I liked and he ordered it for me. I was so excited I started chasing him a bit (texting first and initiating plans). He cancelled on our last plan and I could feel his distance. I should have let him go in his cave but I asked him about it and he said he was overwhelmed by me (in a good way). Then a few days later I asked him if this was over and kind of attacked him. The next day he told me that he is having doubts but he can’t pinpoint it. I said that it is normal and maybe he isn’t ready for all of this but he shouldn’t throw this away. Chasing again – I realize. He said “let’s talk soon”. I told him not until he takes more space. I am doing no contact but if he contacts me should I respond or do the limited no contact? I do believe he is having doubts because I was taking the lead.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2020 at 6:26 pm

      Hi MJ, no there is no reason for you to follow a limited no contact, you need to follow no contact properly if you want the program to work for you. Understand that the way you behaved after only a month is going to create an appearance that you are needy / insecure. You need to allow time for things to progress naturally for BOTH of you. While I understand we get excited about new relationships you need to allow that other person to develop their own feelings in their own time.

  3. Avatar


    October 17, 2020 at 8:02 pm

    So my boyfriend got jealous over a guy who worked with me and started giving me the silent treatment. I literally chased trying to get him less insecure, he was on and off with his feelings, at times ignorant while at times he wanted to meet and do things together. I tried to get to know what he wanted, like to stay together or break up but he was like let’s wait for a while (there was something major coming on in my life, and he wanted to wait after that so that I am less stressed maybe). Time flew by, we talked on and off. Then D-Day came and I had to ask him again because he wouldn’t discuss on his own, and he was like we should break up. I was hurt but I kept calm and agreed with the break up. He said we should remain friends, I said okay and excused myself for being impulsive. He said that it was okay, and I left him on seen and disappeared. It’s been three weeks since I didn’t contact him at all, he didn’t as well, but he checks my facebook stories and stuff. It hurts and I really think we could have worked things together, but I have been hurt way too much to do anything more. I started working out more than usual to try and divert my mind.

  4. Avatar


    August 21, 2020 at 2:59 am

    So me and my boyfriend broke up before. We started dating in January of 2017 and we broke up in November of that year. He broke up with me because we argued a lot and he was just going through a rough patch with his family. He didn’t have a good bond with his mom and step dad and him and his step dad would constantly get into fights and sometimes the cops were called. Even though we were broken up we still texted a lot for 3 months but by the beginning of February of 2018 he cut me off and told me to move on and that he didn’t love me anymore and that we would never get back together. He began drinking and smoking and partying a lot after that. Well 3 months later…. the beginning of May… he dm me on Instagram asking about a specific post that I posted on my VSCO and he asked if it was about him. It said something like “ if a girl still wishes nothing but the best to you after you hurt her, trust me you lost a great girl” or something like that. And I told him that it was and then he apologized and told me that he still loved me but that he is a shitty person and that I deserved better. Well then I called him and told him that I still loved him and that I didn’t think he was shitty and that he was only human. Well we ended up talking all night and eventually we got back together and he said he missed me so much while we weren’t together and that was why he was drinking so much and when he really started heavy drinking he cut off contact with me because he didn’t want me to see him like that. We ended up dating for 2 more years and broke up a couple months ago for the same reason… we argued a lot… But we had such a strong connection and you could tell we loved each other a lot. We were literally the same person but in separate bodies. I was his mini him and we were just obsessed about each other even after the honeymoon stage was over. Again he told me to move on and that we wouldn’t get back together. But he never told me that he didn’t love me anymore. He’s partying so much again and he barely sleeps and I can just tell in his eyes that he’s not the same right now. I’m 33 days into the no contact rule and he still hasn’t contacted me and I still haven’t contacted him either because I’m not ready and since we dated for so long I feel that not enough time has passed. But idk what to do because he told me last break up that we wouldn’t get back together but we ended getting back together after 3 months from when we stopped talking. So idk what to do because he says that we’ll never get back together but yet he said that last time too and we did. We were together everyday and did everything together and there was just no separation between us. We never got bored of each other and everyday was an adventure. He told me so many times that I was the love of his life. He had his own apartment so I was always over there so it was like we were living with one another. We talked about getting married in a couple years and having kids as well. We literally were planning a future together. So I don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether I should move on but not really move on. Or if I should should truly move on and give up on him. Like I said he told me we would never get Back together last time but we ended up getting back together. This is the second time we broke up so Idk if there is less of a chance for us. But he told my bestfriend that he’s not seeing anyone and that he doesn’t want a relationship right now. So maybe he doesn’t want me to get my hopes up and wait for him so that’s why he told me to move on? Or what. We did have an argument the night before we broke up. And he said he wanted to fix this and us. So I don’t know what to do. Maybe we just need time apart to reunite and have a fresh start but idk

  5. Avatar

    Vicky Hancock

    August 17, 2020 at 8:42 am

    So we met online we chatted for 9 weeks then we met up a few times. He lives 2.5 hours away from me so that hasn’t helped.
    I had recently come out of an abusive relationship and I had trust issues. He constantly text and called me.
    Then my mum died I became angry and I kept deleting him walking away from him. He became very distant and I did. He then cancelled our last date after he had a weekend out so I assumed he had met someone else. He said he would call me before my mum’s funeral and didnt then cancelled on me. I said you need to ask yourself why you are not making an effort. I asked him for space and if I was still single after this time we would take it from there.
    He messaged to say he should have made the effort and I deserve better. Then he continued to message me asking if I was out. He then messaged the next day and called me drunk on the Saturday night telling me he made a mistake.
    I was off the rails by then and was very cool with him. He called me in the evening when I had been drinking and I never heard feom him again. I deleted him out of my phone and off FB. Before I did that I saw a post saying he was out for the night eating in a hotel so another women I assume.
    I haven’t contacted him since.

  6. Avatar


    August 15, 2020 at 9:03 am

    He slept with his ex and lied and when I asked him out right he said “maybe, no he doesn’t think so”. Then in the pub in front of his mates he said to my friend “I fucked her and then went back to Katie (me)”.
    I was angry and upset and a few days later when he messaged me and called me I ignored him and hung up on him.
    A week later I got a bit drunk and messaged him, intact every time I got drunk I messaged him. and last weekend I turned up at his (I had been asked by his brother to walk his gf back). He told me to fuck off, that he doesn’t care about my feelings and I need to leave him alone. I ran out crying and have not spoken to him since.
    He always looks at my Facebook story and I know for a fact he doesn’t look at many peoples.
    I have messed up big time and I don’t know where to go from here.
    I do think he said what he said to my friend to look good in front of his mates and because he was in the pub and she really had a go at him.

  7. Avatar


    August 3, 2020 at 1:26 pm

    Well I was in a relationship, we was together for over a year..we have had a few blow outs..but this time it’s done me…last week, he was unwell & distant..just ignoring my calls and he became better & we spoke..he invited me around to talk..while I was there..his mate phoned him up..and they was chatting..not at any stage did he tell his mate that I was there & that he would call him back, nothing..i decided that seeing as he was busy, that I would got up to go..he put his legs out to stop me going..but I went..he didn’t come after me, no call no text..I’m so in love with this man, but god it hurts that he was so disrespectful towards me..I don’t know what to do..I’m in bits

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 5, 2020 at 11:56 pm

      Hey Kel start following the program starting with No Contact

  8. Avatar

    Mi Thin

    July 15, 2020 at 8:05 am

    We broke up in April and have been off and on since then.
    One of the reasons for break up is that he has only had sex with me. So he said he didn’t want to date me until he can be loyal to me. He said he’ll come back after he can control himself
    So we broke up. I’ve decided to stop contacts with him. I’ve blocked him on social media.
    But I’ve been kinda hoping for him to regret and contact me. What do you think about our situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 15, 2020 at 9:16 pm

      Hey Mi Thin, so I think his reason for not wanting to be exclusive is hurtful but he clearly thinks that there is better options out there for him, because if he loved you his number of partners would not matter to him! Work on yourself to become Ungettable and let him regret losing him while you follow the rules of No Contact

  9. Avatar


    June 11, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    I love reading your articles and lately have found them useful. So I took some time out from men as my ex destroyed me in so many ways. So I took a 4 year break only to then meet a complete idiot who was only looking for somewhere to stay over Xmas. So that ended after 3 months. Another year single I met a guy who was a contractor at our work. We got talking via fb, snapchat and eventually exchanged numbers. Our chats were fun & flirty, but I found he never really asked me much. I asked twice if he’d like to catch up with a coffee but was told “too busy” maybe next time. Messages then started to turn cold and blunt and the reply started to take longer. I told him I couldn’t handle his hot and coldness so would be best that we left it alone. Then something happened at work and contact was made again, but this time he was opening up and started ringing me. He seemed to be more interested. The messages became quite sexual and we’d be quite flirty on the phone. Any how his work finished at my place. We continued to talk so I ask if he fancies meeting up for a social distance hang out. I get “I’m not really interested, I switched off when you said I was blowing hot and cold” He then deleted me off snapchat, but continued to talk with me. Sending naughty pictures and still the occasional phone call. He literally then tells me he just wants to have sex with me can we at least do that. I kinda went along with it for a bit. But then realised what was I thinking. He just wants to use me and throw me away. After a week of chatting I just decided to remove him from Facebook, delete him from Snapchat (as we became friends on there again) and deleted his number.
    Now this may sound really petty or childish to some but I’m very picky with men and don’t come across many nice ones. This guy gave me an instant attraction everything about him was what I wanted. I feel maybe I came on a little strong with him because I’ve not felt that in a really long time. I think I can openly admit I probably chased him, why I do not know because I’m a strong independent woman and I’m older then him. Unfortunately I’ve been nursing in A&E whilst covid has been going on for the last 11 weeks, so I’m not sure if I’m all crazy headed from that, or still from men (that maybe I’m really not ready to be with anyone or even talk) my ex really did do me a gooden.
    I’m feeling gutted I’ve deleted him he blocked me on WhatsApp after he found out. I then just deleted my Facebook as I could feel myself getting a little crazy. This guy has just done me in really, I’ve spoken with a few guys over the years since my ex and that’s all it seems to be, we just talk and it’s the occasional FaceTime, they seem to say the write things so they get in my head and I’m left hanging there. I’ve never taken the steps to delete someone like I have this one and I can’t understand why I have as I have never felt an attraction like I did with him. But I left it with “I told you not to play games with me, I’m not here to feed your ego and I certainly don’t want a pen pal” then there was one last message to say “I apologise for being angry, but no hard feelings and I wish you happiness and peace” what the hell am I playing at. I feel like I’m a teenager. There’s been no reply and I don’t have his number now. Why am I here writing this? I have never felt the needed to contact an online chat forum? I can’t explain where I am in my head, I’m gutted we’re not talking, am I hoping my crazy shutting him off might kick him up the arse to pull his finger out, I don’t know maybe! Am I aware that I could of just blown it? Totally! I don’t know. Some insight would be grateful. Please.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 11, 2020 at 5:16 pm

      Hey Louise, so sometimes we can get caught up in the excitement of meeting someone new. You need to give yourself a break, you are working in a tough, strange environment. Especially in an a&e dept. To which I assume you are in the UK, and currently our social lives and mental stability is all under pressure. I think that this guy was not looking for a relationship based on his behavior it was more about casual. I think it is likely you will hear from him again but he knows right now you are going to need space and he is not going to give you what you are looking for right now. If you work on the Ungettable and the Holy Trinity that is mentioned on this website that you will be able to use social media to show you are doing amazing

  10. Avatar


    May 29, 2020 at 3:03 am


    My ex an I broke up in the middle of April. Due to a few things he is going through. I ended up kicking him out my car (oops) in a stern way and told him I have nothing else more to say to him. He was hesitate to get out but he did, slowly and a bit sad. I did the no contact for about 37 days. He didn’t initiate any contact at all. I reached out an I had a positive response and he was calling me beautiful and asking how my job is going etc. bringing up a few old memories.

    I reached out 3 days after that. Again, positive but he started to get a bit cheeky. I’m thinking flirting and maybe wanting one thing.
    I msgd him the next day (yesterday) to tell him about my job promotion, as he was really supportive through my whole training. Again a positive reply, hello good looking, congratulations, I’m so happy for you. But then went back and replied to my previous msg from the night before about when he was being cheeky.

    Now I feel confused and stuck and now want him to initiate contact. I feel like there’s mixed msgs but the last thing I want is for him to use me for one thing. Cos that 100% is not happening!

    I’ve been loving your website and I literally read everything! Just stuck now on my next move.
    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 9:04 pm

      Hi Sam, you have reached out three times and got positive responses so I would suggest that you wait 3/4 days to see if he reaches out to you first. IF not then use another text style that Chris explains in his articles.

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    Alyssa B

    May 28, 2020 at 7:21 pm

    I dated a guy for about 3 weeks things were amazing really hitting it off, every time we hung out he kept mentioning moving the relationship further and then boom out of nowhere said he wasn’t ready, He didn’t think he could get me what I needed doesn’t want a relationship etc. I was cool about the situation and agreed to continue talking and seeing each other. The last time we saw each other he was completely cold and different. This obviously upset me and I freaked out and then tried to reset back to just hanging out. His reaction was Idk right now if we can see or hangout anymore. I sent him a snap chat and told him I missed his face and I hope he’s doing well, he never responded after reading the message. He is constantly looking at my social media and I don’t know what to do from here. Is it too late? Will he ever come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 9, 2020 at 5:14 pm

      Hey Alyssa, you can follow the program with the shortest version of No Contact but I would suggest that you do not have any conversations about making things offical until you have been dating for at least 3 months.

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    May 25, 2020 at 4:30 pm

    Thanks for this article. I’ve been with my boyfriend nearly 3 years and we are still together. We are separated in different countries at the moment due to the corona virus and we are struggling with the lack of communication (we can only text, voip is banned where he is). I have been chasing him to get a set time for us to spend together long distance but he always blows me off, I feel he ignores me and doesn’t make any effort to talk to me – only replies when I speak to him. I can tell he gets annoyed when I message him to spend time. What should I do when we are still in a relationship although I feel it’s on the rocks?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 29, 2020 at 11:17 pm

      Hi Lauren if you are still together but feeling that there is a breakup looming or trying to avoid it. Be sure to be in emotional control when you are speaking with your ex, even when you are asking him to spend time, you need to try and make it about him suggesting it not you. Giving him some space, maybe even reading and following the information about limited no contact just to give him some time to come to you first.

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    May 15, 2020 at 10:37 pm

    Hey, I found your post helpful. I’ve known this guy off & on for 7 years. We’ve always flirted but never had the right time or been with other people. Recently we’ve been texting a lot & talking about hooking up. We went from texting every day to complete silence. Sometimes he responds after a week and then silence again. I just don’t get it. He is a lawyer, so I know he’s really busy. I don’t like playing games & I worry that if I ignore his messages in response, he will just walk away. I don’t know how to do the whole no contact thing?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 3:55 pm

      Hey Mary, I am so glad you found the article helpful! As for No Contact you need to not speak with your ex, not respond not reach out to your ex at all, not even on social media platforms for a solid 30 days or 45 depending on how much emotional time you need to work on yourself.

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    molly wilde

    May 6, 2020 at 7:08 pm

    Me & my boyfriend have been on and off for about 3 years. He has periods of just wanting to be relationship free and tells me that nows not the time to be together however within a couple of weeks he’ll be straight back in my texts asking me to go round. We had a break for about 3 months the first year we were together and I really had him chasing me .. i’ve kind of forgotton how and now i seem to be doing all the chasing. We broke up about 3 weeks ago now and we’ve been in contact. We’ve messaged a few times and usually he ends up saying how much he loves me and how we’ll be together eventually once hes had some space because i’m his soulmate. We also slept together the other day which I know we shouldn’t of but we can never stay away from eachother. I’ve been using this space away to improve myself as I lost a lot of confidence and it took a toll on the relationship. I have bounced back and feel amazing and I am so ready to give this relationship another shot as I feel this time it could be forever. What should I do? last time i texted him was today as I had to go and collect something from his house, i told him to leave it in the porch so I wouldnt see him. Do i start no contact now? Do you think he’ll come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 12, 2020 at 2:18 pm

      Hey Molly, yes you need to start your NC now and stick to it for 30 days solid. Then you need to make sure that you work up the value chain where you get your ex investing time in you not just jumping back into your old ways and habits. Do not give him boyfriend privileges, until you are in a relationship and have been back together for some time

  15. Avatar


    May 3, 2020 at 11:05 pm

    Hey well in currently heartbroke 3 days ago my boyfriend of 6 months left. I’ve been so confused as everything has been pretty much perfect since we met however we had to spend lockdown together first few weeks were fine but maybe it was too much too soon and it seemed we were getting on each others nerves abit …anyway we ended up having out first silly argument but I reacted quite childish and told him to leave which he did …anyway we patched up after a few days and he came back but things were not 100 percent the same and I felt like he was off with me some days and this got worse he was acting really different when I spoke to him about what was bothering me he said he was sick of it all packed all his stuff and again left on his way out he said he was giving me space for a few days but I felt he had no intention of coming back he literally took everything. I didn’t hear from him until I reached out the following evening but he was really cold and distant in his messaging I left him but contacted him again hours later but he just didn’t seem to want to know this went on for 3 days …..since then he’s been on whatsapp constantly which makes me think there’s more to this than a silly argument it’s almost like he’s gone from being so in love and besotted with me to completely changing its like he’s a different person…..I contacted him 24 hours ago for the final time but not heard from him since this has really hit me hard as I honestly felt id finally met the one ……what can you suggest?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 12, 2020 at 11:15 am

      Hey Sarah, as the advise is on this website to start this process it starts with a No Contact, which I suggest you do. Don’t explain to him or tell him you are doing a NC just go into it for 30 days. And work on your Holy Trinity during that time. The reach out with the texts that Chris suggests with your ex’s interests in mind

  16. Avatar


    March 8, 2020 at 10:09 pm

    Hey guys!
    Figured I’d leave a comment and see if I get a reply!
    I dated this guy for 2 years. Kinda complicated only because I brought 3 kids in and he brought 2 kids in. First year was rough, broke up once for 3 weeks but got back together. That 2nd year was amazing. We hardly every fought or argued, and always had a good time. Then came a disagreement about the children and he stormed off and threw a major fit. We seemed to have worked it out, but he never wanted to actually have a conversation about it. He just dropped it. About a month later, marriage got brought up and he said he’d never marry again. (He is divorced, I never married. ) I was blown away because he knew it was something I always wanted, no matter the timing of it. I wasn’t in a rush. We argued on and off about it for about a month. Then one day when he was watching my children I questioned if he was treating them differently than his friends kids. He took that wrong and blew up again and said he never wanted to be around my kids again. He wouldn’t listen to what I was really trying to say. I said I wouldn’t be in a relationship like that and he said fine we’ll be friends.
    We’ve been broken up for 6 months now. I did do no contact but didn’t do it until month 2. Talking occasionally on and off. Seeing each other on and off. The no contact didn’t do much. He never contacted me in those 30 days. Since then though, he’s been very hot and cold. One minute he’s asking to see me, the next he’s not. I do initiate every conversation. Only once or twice has he. We do still sleep together, I know I shouldn’t be.
    I wrote him a letter about a week ago asking him if he feels the same way and wants to work things out. He still hasn’t said anything about it but I know he got it.
    Anytime we hang out things feel normal and I can feel that he feels some sort of way. I just don’t know what to do now. Help, please!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 2:26 am

      Hi Melissa, as you say he is hot and cold you need to take a small step back from spending time with him and start being social with friends and making him wonder if you are moving on from him. When you do meet put yourself in situations where you are increasing the romantic vibes and flirting more often

  17. Avatar


    March 4, 2020 at 12:58 pm

    My ex and I have broken up 6 months ago. He left me and said he was happy with me, but that he thinks I am not the one. It all happened out of the blue. We stayed in contact. For the first month I was the was who was initiating the contact and then stopped. After that he started checking in, commenting my whatsapp statuses, etc.
    He started to contact me everyday. 2 days ago I started a conversation about our relationship again and it wasn’t successful. I can’t understand him. He says he would like to see me, but that we shouldn’t. Do you think if I cut off all the contact he will notice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 8:17 pm

      Hi Nika, you need to read or watch a video about the value chain and working up the value ladder. You do not ask your ex for a meet up so soon you need to build up your value through texting and phone calls first

  18. Avatar


    February 23, 2020 at 1:36 am

    I was with my ex for 2 years. Every time we use to fight he would end it with me which would emotional and physically ruin me. Mid last year we broke up for a month or so he promised he wouldn’t end it with me anymore over every argument we had. He become better at communicating before he got back with each other he explained to me why he would always end it, he said he was very stressed being 30 years old and not having his life on track not working and his dad being very ill. His dad ended up passing away around the time him and I wore trying to work things out. Anyway we weathered the storm together and started having a better relationships. Before this break up I was always scared to tell him the truth in case he broke up with him we broke over petty shit.

    Fast forward to December 2019 everything was going great for about 5 months until we had a little bit of an argument which we spoke in person about and tried to resolve. That same night we were trying to resolve our issues he found out I was lying about having snap chat, I lied straight to his face about it which I abouselty regret. I had nothing to hide but I lied out of fear that he would end it with me, because we were already trying to solve our issues I felt like this was going to add more fuel to the fire. I was in so much regret this Is the 3rd time I’ve lied to him in the 1 years we have been together, It’s not like me to lie even tho all 3 lies were petty and there was nothing to hid a lie is a lie and he 2nd time I lied to him he promised me no matter how small the lie is if I do it again it will be over for good and that’s exactly what happened this time he stuck to his word.

    I regret it and I’m forever sorry however the passed 3 months I’ve been chasing him he was being hot and cold one minute he wanted to see me and next minute he wanted nothing to do with me. Then we we finally saw each other 2 months ago (January 1st) he said he can’t commit right now he needs to focus on his life and he doesn’t want to go through this hurt again but he also said he doesn’t think this is the end for us. We did have sex that night and we the next day we stayed in contact however we started arguing again Mid January he asked to met so we can clear the slay and move on with our lives. We did that and after we left I broke down everyday in tears I chased and chased chased everyday I’d try call him and text him and when he would reply he would be so blunt and tell me to just leave it alone it’s done now. A week ago I asked him can we please work this out he said no we are done there is no more us he told me he still loved me but that was it . he still asked if I had met someone or if have given my number out to any new guysm However since he told me we are done and there is no more us. I asked him to block me every where so I couldn’t reach out to him. He did that and a day later I stupidly I messaged him from another number he then unblocked me and messaged me asking what’s up? I asked if he could speak on the phone and he said he can’t I replied ok all good and left it at that. I forced myself to start the no contact it’s been day 4 I’m doing ok but deep down I’m struggling.. is it to late to start the no contact even tho I’ve been chasing him for the past 2-3 months? Will be notice that I’ve stopped and possibly find it in his heart to start again? I’m 28 his my first love and I lost my virginity to him so this is very hard for me one of the hardest things I’ve faced. He cried when he ended it so I feel like maybe he will find it in his heart to give me another chance. After all we spoke of a future together marriage kids and all. So I hope he hasn’t just forgotten about all my good values and just reminding himself of the bad I’ve done.

    Yesterday I changed my what’s app profile photo to a new photo of me smiling a few hours later I noticed he put a new what’s app profile photo of himself smiling mind you his never ever put a photo of himself on his wats app account.

    This is the longest we haven’t spoken in, I know it’s only been 4 days but I feel like it’s been forever .

    I hope I’m doing the right thing.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2020 at 10:13 pm

      Hi Sara, yes you are doing the right thing sticking to No Contact and focusing on this time to get over the break up and your hurt feelings. Him mirroring your Whatsapp behavior shows he is watching what you are doing. So its a good sign he is keeping an eye on you

  19. Avatar


    January 30, 2020 at 9:25 am

    Me and this guy have been talking for about 6 months now theres were nice the first two months he would really show he was into me and always asking to see me and call me. After 2 months he started to change once I started really showing my feelings for him then we started getting into arguments because I would start to get emotional about how he seemed to just change how he felt. I would always ask him was he still interested in me did he still like me and he would always still say yes I would ask him if there was other girls and he would say no. Forward to 5 months we are still talking and everything I asked him about a relationship but he said he can’t and that he’s scared of commitment so we still are just working on us as to working on a future relationship which I am fine with doing. I just feel like I’m mostly just chasing him and I don’t want to keep doing that. I hate that I always have to leave the last message just for him to text me. I feel like if I don’t text him back before I go to sleep he won’t text me the next day. Sometimes I just want to finally leave him alone cause I just feel like he doesn’t want me or he just wants me gone. We do argue a few times a week now cause I get emotional and I start asking questions for confirmation that we are still working on us and when I ask him are we done he always saying no we aren’t done but I know he just backs off and distanced his self. I just want to know how can I get him to chase me again and want to always see me and talk to me ? I know I should do the no contact but I’m scared he will just move on once he see I’m just not texting him or anything. Will he even text me ? Will the no contact work if I’m the last one that has left the last text message at night

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2020 at 8:32 pm

      Hey Lele, so while you are giving him emotional and upset messages he is going to be less likely to reach out to you. You need to start and complete a full No Contact while working on yourself.

  20. Avatar


    January 25, 2020 at 5:06 pm

    I have recently broke up with my ex… I called it quits because I had enough of him not sharing with me what the problem was and him pulling away and changing his mind on things all the time. It was making me really anxious. He would still be loving towards me… Kisses and cuddles, hold my hand, stroke my leg etc but we had no sex life unless I pushed for it which of course means everything during bedroom time was for his pleasure and not necessarily mine!!

    Once we broke… He immediately said it’s because he felt isolated from friends and family, he told me he was sad and he told me he didn’t want this to mean we would never be in each others lives again.

    I immediately asked why he hadn’t told me that’s what he felt as I feel it’s something we could deffinitely correct because even I felt suffocated at times. He wasn’t interested at all and said he didn’t want our relationship anymore and he’s so unhappy. The tables turnt!! I’ve begged him to meet and talk, he refused. I went a little crazy and called lots but still no answer. I’ve since apologised about everything I could have done better as this is what I wanted to discuss if we met face to face. So I have basically done everything I shouldn’t have!! Fear hey!! I have also dropped his stuff and left it on his doorstep (and text him to let him know) and now we’re in the no contact phase. I appreciate you’re not a mind reader and no one will ever know if we will get back together or what will happen.

    It is his birthday at the end of Feb and I already had his present and wish to give it to him as he was very thoughtful on my birthday… Do you have any advice on how to play this? Also it’s Valentine’s Day soon… Do I just no contact this… Even though that breaks me to not let him know he’s the one I am thinking of!!

    I was always the driving force at the beginning of our relationship even though I was the one who didn’t want to be in a relationship at first as I still had some healing to do… He always said he wanted me but he never arranged dates.. I was always the one to do that and he would be more than happy to come along. I am very confused on this one.

    Many Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 30, 2020 at 10:11 pm

      Hey Hayley, yes go into a no contact and work on yourself in that time, show using social media that you are living your life and dont be afraid to use a little jealousy photos too where he can see you are around other guys and worry that one of them is going to give you the attention that he had stopped giving you

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