By Tara O' Malley

“Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

This is the nail-biting question that makes you pace the floor, unable to concentrate on work or the other areas of your life, isn’t it?

You wonder if his focus will shift to other attractive diversions, whether he will fill up the spaces in his life with non-girlfriend things, or worse – new girlfriend things!

Your mind begins to wander throughout the day to obsessive thoughts . . .

“Don’t I need to ensure I’ll be a constant reminder to him . . . . or at the very least, an intermittent reminder? Hold on, I’d better find out where his head is at, hadn’t I . . .”

You check his Facebook.

You check his Instagram.

You check his Snapchat stories.

You obsessively scout to see whether he’s been checking your Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat stories.

Would it hurt to “like” one of his posts?

Should you talk to one of his friends?

His mom? I mean, you did get along so well, after all.

Wouldn’t it be a good idea to run into him at the gym?

If you don’t, will he find someone else to talk to and ohmygosh, could they turn into a thing?!?

” I’m afraid he’ll find someone else?”

I want you to take a deep breath.

Don’t hold it!

Okay, now take another one.

I’m going to tell you something, but you have to be ready to be open to it, because it is not something you are going to WANT to do. You just have to trust me.

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The Single BEST Thing You Can Do Is To Stop Chasing Him

“Why,” you ask?

Well, men are actually resistant to chasing, so it becomes counterproductive. Just let that sit with you for a minute.

If you’re follow up question is,

“If I stop chasing, will he start chasing me and come back to me?”

Then you are DEFINITELY on the right page.

Think about every time you gave into the urge…

  • to chase
  • to over-contact
  • to be needy
  • and to get into his space uninvited

When you do these things you are actually setting yourself back from your goal of having him chase you.

Because that’s what you both want, him chasing you.

Why Is It Important To Stop Chasing Him?

You see, men feel a bit cheated when they don’t get the opportunity to pursue.

Here’s an example. I was recently talking to a close male confidante of mine about a woman he is dating. We’ll call him Matt*.

Well, Matt* liked this girl, let’s call her Jane*, quite a bit before they began going out.

Jane is accomplished, ambitious, funny, beautiful, and within our circle of friends.

But, once they began flirting, Jane was very direct and came on too strong for his liking. Matt’s satisfaction decreased by several levels right from the start, he told me!

As the weeks wore on, Jane laid it on the line; she didn’t want to waste time playing games. She was too old for that, and wanted a real relationship. Matt tried to manage her expectations. He wasn’t sure if he wanted an exclusive relationship and Jane ended up accepting whatever he was willing to give her, even if it wasn’t the relationship she really wanted.

Now, when Jane wants to see him, she calls him before he even has the chance to ask her out. This leaves Matt” feeling ambivalent towards her. I mean, to me he says,

“I really likes her. She makes me laugh. And the sex is amazing. But I feel cheated of his opportunity to chase her.”

His interest is declining because of it. Therefore, he chooses continues to see other women.

There’s a simple, and universal, value proposition in this.

People value what they must work to obtain more.

Think about it.

What tastes better?

A BLT sandwich they slap together for you at the corner bodega with the bacon that’s been sitting there since that morning and some cold mealy tomatoes

OR

The the BLT you slave over for 30 minutes, lovingly frying the bacon yourself, sending the aroma wafting through the house, slicing and salting those thick red heirloom tomato slices, toasting the bread and then slathering on the mayonnaise, folding the crisp iceberg lettuce so carefully… biting into it with a little trickle of juice running down your wrist…

You get the point.

Dang. Now I want a BLT.

Or if you’re not a BLT person…

Well, first of all you are missing out, but that’s your call.

So, just think about it this way….

…let’s say you’re a music person.

Who doesn’t like music?!

Let’s say Pandora or Spotify suddenly redid their whole website and they wiped the entire history of your account. What would be harder to lose?

A playlist you have carefully curated and trained to “know” what you like?

OR

A preset radio station that you had no input in?

Unfortunately, the opposite can also be said. What doesn’t take a lot of work to obtain actually decreases in value in our eyes. We have less of an attachment to it.

For instance, sometimes children born into financially well-off families are more careless with their more expensive belongings knowing they can be easily replaced.

Whereas, an individual who knows he can never get another Iphone if this one breaks will take much better care of it.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship, or a material possession. When we expend a greater amount of effort we develop greater emotional attachment. And you can use this to your advantage, my dears.

In the case of men, it is well-known that they derive a greater sense of satisfaction from expending a greater amount of effort. For those of you playing the home game, that means that they value the chase and derive more pleasure from it than they do when they don’t have to.

What Does This Mean For You?

Well, it means that shouldn’t be too easily accessible, available, or obtainable. You must be the Ungettable Girl.

And Ungettable Girls don’t chase.

Ungettable Girl is a Ex Boyfriend Recovery term that we use to describe the end result of becoming the best version of yourself. We even have a whole book on the subject. But if you just want to read a little bit about the process of becoming Ungettable, you could read more by following this link and reading more about it.
By now you should be thinking,

“Man! Not chasing him might be the SINGLE BEST thing I can do to get him back!”

And you would be right!

But Will He Even Notice?

I know what you are asking in your head right now.

“Will he even notice I stopped chasing him?”

The answer is yes, of course he will notice.

Up until now, you have been available, accessible, and obtainable.

It’s likely that he could predict your movements, your investments of time, and your patterns.

Take away that predictability, and anyone would notice.

First of all,let’s assume that when you were dating had a rough understanding of your schedule.

Let’s say your schedule was as follows:

  • you went to work or school daily
  • in the evenings you worked out
  • then you ate dinner
  • after dinner you would go to trivia night or babysat
  • and on weekends, you could generally be found at the swimming pool, the gym, the library, or on the couch.

Everyone has patterns, whether simple or complex like this one.

Furthermore, he was almost always assured of being able to get a response from you if he texted, called, messaged on Facebook, or Snapchatted. Whatever the method of contacting you, he knew you would jump at the opportunity to respond.

What If You Have Been Broken Up For a While?

All exes check in, all of them.

So, I can guarantee he’s been keeping tabs on your movements in some form or fashion, either outright or surreptitiously pseudo-stalking. You would be surprised to what lengths people go to to find out what their exes have been up to or who they have been spending their time with.

So, even if you have changed your schedule and patterns completely, almost every guy will still feel like they can predict your patterns and can access you if they want to, should they feel the urge.

And in both of these hypotheticals, since you are reading an article about chasing, we are assuming that up until now, you have continued to pursue him in some form or fashion.

You have been

  • reaching out to him
  • putting yourself in his path
  • “liking” his posts
  • sending him funny memes
  • texting him to just to say hello
  • dropping some “do you remembers” on him
  • casually bumping into him
  • perhaps even talking to his sister, mom, or friends

Even if you think you have been oh so casual, I promise he sees it as you chasing after him. This is how he feels.

So, if you stop all of that… what do you think is going to happen?

What is going to be left?

  • A void.
  • A vacuum.
  • An empty space.
  • The absence of predictability.
  • The absence of accessibility.
  • The absence of obtainability.

So, yes, my friends, he WILL notice!

And this is the magic of why No Contact works.

Let’s Review, Why Does No Contact Work?

If I wasn’t clear. No Contact works, because it’s based on a very simple principle.

They can’t miss you, if you aren’t gone.

You have to take yourself away

  1. as a physical presence
  2. as emotional support
  3. as a visible presence
  4. as a mental option

This makes them experience an emotional reaction.

But more than that, he’ll begin to wonder, all sorts of things.

“Did she stop liking me?”

“Did she decide I am I not good enough?”

“Did she find someone else?”

And ,again, that is the magic of Why No Contact Works.

Whatever happened with your breakup begins to be replaced by these thoughts and feelings of inadequacy in your ex’s mind. They will begin to drive him crazy! And he will HAVE to check out what your up to in order to quiet those questions.

Sure, you may have had your ups and downs. Maybe you were needy, clingy, and objected to his nights out with the boys.

Perhaps you argued, or maybe there were even some huge blow outs.

Words were said, words you both regret, words that have played over and over in your heads.

But, now, all he can think about is,

“What the heck is that girl doing?”

“Where is she?”

“WHY isn’t she online on messenger?”

“If she’s stopped doing being predictable… maybe she’s OUT doing something else with SOMEONE else!”

And if he has a life event that simultaneously occurs during this period, all the better, whether it’s a birthday, an accomplishment, or a loss.

Who would he normally turn to to share this with?

Well before I’m guessing you were his biggest cheerleader. So, if you aren’t there and you aren’t chasing him, then he’s going to feel that lack of you even more.
Some guys even become GNATs (going nuts at texting) because they cannot stand to be left in the dark!

It’s simple.

It’s clinical.

It’s strategic.

Maybe a little sneaky.

And it’s effective!

And once they are experiencing this emotional reaction, you have the opportunity to capitalize on it. But more on that later.

So How Do I Keep Him From Forgetting About Me?

You’re wondering this, too, aren’t you?

How did I know?

Well, because I WAS you at some point. We all were.

At some point we all wonder how to keep our exes from forgetting us.

So, first you have to ask yourself,

“How can someone forget about someone that was once irreplaceable in just a few weeks or months? Is that even possible?”

The answer is no. Just no.

Furthermore, you aren’t going to be sitting around gathering dust.

Hopefully you spent No Contact becoming an Ungettable Girl.

You are on a mission!

What’s your mission?

Your mission is to have the most fun and be the happiest you’ve ever been! You have nothing holding you back right now. There is no one you have to balance your life with.

Let’s do a little exercise.

What are all of the things you never had time for, the things you sacrificed in order to be a great girlfriend?

  • Spending more time with your girlfriends?
  • Getting your nails done?
  • Did you stay in and cook dinner instead of hitting up the hot yoga class with your pals?
  • Have you been yearning to go on road trips but you were stuck in the stands watching his sports games?
  • Have you been waiting to write a book or record a song, but just haven’t had the time because of your relationship?

Well, guess what, lady! Now’s your chance!

Carpe Diem!

That’s “Seize the Day!” for those of you unfamiliar with latin, or the movie “Dead Poets Society.”

Self-care and a broad range of interests make all of us more attractive to others, in general, especially to an ex.
Particularly, when you have completed No Contact successfully, and he’s been driven up a wall wondering where has you’ve gone and what you could possibly be doing that doesn’t revolve around him.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Getting Your Ex To Chase You Without Being Obvious

I know what you’re thinking…

“There’s more?!”

Yes! there is!

Because when you do what I describe next, he’ll have a third emotional reaction.

He’ll think to himself,

“Whoa! How can she be so happy after we broke up? Maybe she wasn’t as into me as I thought she was. Did I make a mistake? I want her back!”

All of this puts you in a prime position for you to capitalize on his emotions and remind him how much he really desires you and how much fun you two have together. You can do this by gradually and methodically getting back into contact with him using the tactics laid out in Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro.

First, though, you must learn to use two things to your advantage:

Your Social Media
and
Your Sphere of Influence

I say learn because you have to use them carefully.

Your Social Media includes any posting updates about your life through social media channels like Facebook, Snapchat, etc. There is an obvious and over-the top way to go about it. Or there is a subtle way to go about it. Our goal is the latter.

Your Sphere of Influence means connecting with people in your mutual circle who will learn how you are doing and what you are up to and get a positive impression of you.

Think of it like this, you want to create your “brand” with both of these tools. Your brand is your image, and you don’t want to send the wrong message.

So, you are going to want to put some thought into this.

What do you want to convey to him and to the world overall?

If you don’t want to seem like a frivolous party girl, be careful about posting lots of pictures with alcohol or out at the club with guys.

If you don’t want to seem boring, make sure you are posting about doing interesting things, not just “studying/working again.”

And the number one rule of thumb is to look good and smile.

Do this all the time, no matter where you are going or who you are meeting. Be positive and happy. Let it be known that you are living your life and living it well.

Don’t mention him, ask about him, or bring him up. Don’t seek out his friends or family. The information will trickle back to him somehow, trust me! Once that void where you were starts to be obvious to him, he will check on what you are up to.

Not only will he not forget you, he’ll be dying for you to reach out to him.

If you’ve previously been chasing him, he’ll wonder why you stopped . . . and it won’t take long for him to decide that he misses having you around. And when he does that, he will seek you out and start chasing you.

Let him.

So, my Ungettable Girls, stop chasing, because, when you do… they always come back!

So, Let’s Review

We’ve discussed a lot, but I think that the ULTIMATE take away from this article should be DON’T CHASE HIM!

  • Chasing will drive him away.
  • Removing yourself creates a void.
  • Don’t even worry about it, he’ll notice.
  • And. when he does start to pay attention…. don’t. be. obvious.

Alrighty, so in the comments below I am going to open up the floor for you to

  1. Tell me about your breakup
  2. Let me know what you’ve done so far
  3. And where you are in the EBR Process

From there our team will help you figure out where you need to go from here to get your ex back.

Are you ready?

Let’s go!

212 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Stop Chasing Him?”

  1. Jennifer Fisher

    September 30, 2018 at 9:32 pm

    Hi,

    I’ve been dating a guy for just over two months, so still in the “honeymoon” phase. We became intimate from very early on, and spent the entire summer together. It was great. He is the shy, introverted type, but he opened up to me. He told me he hadn’t dated anyone for a year, since his ex broke up with him – I have my suspicions she cheated on him. Recently, for the last month, he started getting moodier toward me, and we had a couple of “arguments” – mainly him getting frustrated with me over something minuscule and storming out of my house. I also noticed a shift in the way he communicated with me, he adopted a rude manner and I started to feel undermined. When I went away for work, and this was when I noticed he wasn’t bothered about communicating with me – and he expressed I’m “needy” and expressed he’s got anxiety and depression. After this ordeal, he apologized and told me how excited he is to see me and he misses me. Upon returning, he had various “anxiety” attacks (so he says) and stayed over less, spending more time at his, failing to keep in touch and becoming quite aggressive when I questioned this shift of behavior. I didn’t hear from him so I went round to his house to see if he’s ok and he wouldn’t open the door. He later told me “he doesn’t need help” in a very hostile tone. With no effort to be nice to me, I was so upset and distraught I called on a break – I had to initiate over text because he wouldn’t pick up the phone. He sent a reply two days later, confirming my request to speak next week. Please tell me that I’m wasting my time? It’s sad because we were so close had did so many fun things in the summer.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 1, 2018 at 3:25 am

      Hi Jennifer!

      He sure his acting immaturely. Unclear to me what is going on in his mind. Perhaps he just needs some time alone to put things in proper perspective or get whatever help is needed to manage his emotions.

  2. Victoria

    September 24, 2018 at 8:47 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I am not feeling this I have to say. I have been reading your articles since the break up. The break up happened 9 weeks ago now. Sadly I did not take any of your advice and I made all the mistakes you can make. The pleading and begging and the chasing in many various ways. I went through a few made stages. He wanted to chat to me as friends. When I questioned why he wanted to keep me in his life. I mean, he was sending the most random text messages and what’s app just out the blue, 2-3 a day! I was ever confused. So I asked why he wants to chat to me every day as he dumped me 6 weeks prior. He said just for gossip and chat. I was devastated again and I told him so. Ignored him for a week or so and we ended up saying some horrible things to each other and he asked me to delete his number. On the 15th of this month it came to a head with me. I sent him an apology email, regarding the way I have taken the break up and my crazy emotional behaviour since. I did not expect anything back from him and had it in my head it’s time to move forward. That day about 4 hours later he texted me, saying “got your email, thank you. No reply just now as I am at a tournament and then we have end is session celebration. I’m so tired.” I replied saying “sounds like you’ve had a great day. Have a fun night.” And I’ve not heard since. I’ve been in no contact since that day. I miss him so much but have given up hope the he will even notice I have stopped texting him. I don’t even think he will care that I am not contacting him at all. So after 8 weeks of chasing him, so long after the break up is there any chance with no contact? He doesn’t have me on his social media either so I think it will be hard to use those skills you suggest for sending little UG moved on vibes. We were together a short time. Only 10 months. He ran when I asked for more commitment and hid some things from me. Then dumped me when I got upset about it. He was very mean at the onset of the break up and I went into an emotional mess trying to get answers. We never argued or fell out throughout the break up. It was sudden, I thought we were on same page and moving forward. So can the no contact rule work on this situation?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 25, 2018 at 2:53 am

      Hi Victoria!

      We all make mistakes Victoria and as long as you are taking lessons from the past….then you are making the past work for you. Guys will run sometimes when they feel confined and a sense of looming commitment can scare them. Looks like NC would be good for you. Pick up on of my eBooks and move forward with your ex recovery plan!

  3. CPL

    August 13, 2018 at 2:12 am

    So my situation is a bit different in that this guy isn’t my ex boyfriend. Three years ago I went in to get a new phone and he happened to work there. I walked in and thought he was cute and eventually he wanted my number, added me on Facebook and knew I was leaving for Miami the next day and was texting me almost everyday. Somewhere we lost touch and we had each other on Snapchat and would sometimes reply to each other’s stories if they were funny, etc. during the time we lost touch he was in a relationship and so was I. Weirdly, we seemed to have our relationships end around the same time. Now fast forward to about 3 weeks ago or so and we happened to bump into each other at jury duty. He was with his mom and I was wI h my dad but he texted me asking what I was doing there and we started talking and his mom was there. He was dressed nicely and so I told him “aww u look so nice!” And after being there for hours, he texted me and we figured out we both have to go back August 18th. When I said that he was like “lunch date?!” And the convo didn’t end. In fact he seemed to keep it going over days. My dads in real estate and he’s 25 getting into the same thing. He knows my dads successful, down to earth and funny esp because of some of my snapchats in the past. At work, he would text me multiple times like up to 18 messages once and I responded on my own time. Another time he texted me 10:14am and I was sleeping and got another text at 10:40 saying “someone’s still sleeping I miss those days.” I guess he though I was ignoring him. I went over his house and I said I have to watch the bachelorette lol and he was down to watch it. The most I did with him was make out with him. No sex nothing more. I thought he’d never text me after. He told me at the beginning I was hard to get. I assumed it was partly manipulative to see how far I’d go but I stood my ground and still he wanted to see me and at a reasonable hour. After I left (I tried to end the night first), he gave me a kiss goodbye walked me out told me to get home safe. The next day around 2:00 he texted me “whatcha doing?” He saw a snap video of my dad that wasn’t individually sent to him and chatted me saying I LOVE ur dad I’d do that too lol. He makes comments about my dad a lot and that I’d like his mom because I met her and said she was funny. He snaps me AND texts me and replies relatively quick. However, he snap chatted me a video and since the snapchF disappears often I decided to text him instead and said lmfao ur a psycho bc he’s always telling me he “drives like an asshole” (he loves cars). And he responded with “because I didn’t answer? Lol right I said no I was responding to ur video omg jeeZ and he was like I didn’t know! I’m sorry busy day at work I’m getting pissed. And I tried to not just let it go bc I don’t want ppl to walk all over me and so I said this ha happened twice, I don’t think I deserve that so please don’t let it happen again and he says lmao u gotta chill and I said don’t tell me to chill and when I responded he goes “lmao bye” and started ignoring me. Oh and the day at court he put me on his snap story and told me so many ppl contacted him that they knew me or that I was hot. He storied ln Snapchat so many times that night and that doesn’t happen so often. Also when we hung out we discovered we knew a mutual guy and he started asking me “did you like hookup with Chris?” Like he was bothered. He also randomly asked me if my best friend knew I was with him idk why or if that’s because girls usually tell their best friends about guys and he’d feel important? So anyway ik he was purposely ignoring me so o didn’t blow up his phone even tho he claimed I did yet he’s the one who sent so many texts to me all the time and tagged me in a meme etc. he started calling me psycho and got all angry and when I said let’s just drop it bc it so wasn’t a big deal he couldn’t do it. He didn’t delete me on Snapchat but I noticed when I put up a story he viewed the first two and I didn’t view any of his story and after that he stopped looking at mine. I don’t know if I’m reading into it but he was always viewing my story and replying to it days before. I don’t know if he was doing that to get my attention. I like him a lot and fee like I ruined things and he thinks I’m dramatic. I haven’t contacted him but I will see him on the 18th I think and while I hope that reconcilies things I don’t always know what to do to help myself in the situation. A part of me feels he feels I’m not that into him idk why but I’m so confused. Any help would be great!

  4. Sav

    August 12, 2018 at 11:54 am

    I met my boyfriend on match.com almost 2 years ago. I moved in with him after 9 months of being together. We have 1 year living together now.

    When i moved in with him I noticed he wasnt being as intimate with me as much as i wanted. I went through his phone and saw a lot of porn. I confronted him about it and he was being very defensive about the porn. He now deletes his browsing history and carries his phone everywhere.

    We argue once a month over this and i always beg him and ask him to stop with the pornography since this is affecting our sex life.

    I even try to ask him for us to watch porn together he says no. We tried to go to a couples therapist and he stopped going when the therapist asked him how often he watches porn (during an individual session of course).

    He is blaming his lack of sexual desire or erectile dysfunctiom on the relationship. Telling me that he doesnt love me right now. He told me he loves me but is not in love “right now”. I begged him to not break up witj me. Its been over a month now and he wouldnt want to be intimate witj me anymore he doesnt even want to make out with me.

    A couple of weeks ago he told me that this relationship will work out if i move out of his apartment and we only see each other on the weekends to bring a spark back into our relationship. I told him that if i move out its over for good but changed my mind later and told him I want to work it out.

    At this point its been a month now and he still holds on to resentment and tells me that this is all my fault and he lost respect for me because i reached out to his mother and friends.

    However, he still texts me throughout the day to ask how my day is, cooks me dinner and still being there for me, but when it comes to sex or intimacy or being open with me, hes not there. He told me he is not going to open up. I dont know what to do anynore. I feel like he is punishing me.

    Yesterday i did move out of his apartment but Im not sure now if i should still do NC even though we are still “together”??? Or is this his way of breaking up with me??? Idk what to do at this point.

    Please help.

  5. Sav

    August 12, 2018 at 11:47 am

    Hello

  6. Sav

    August 12, 2018 at 11:45 am

    Hello. Met my ex? Online 2 years ago, I moved into his apartment a year after dating. We have been having issues and arguing once a month due to his lack of initmacy and addiction to porn. He asked me to move out of his apartment in July. I kept begging and pleading and calling his friends and family to have him change his mind. At one point he kept saying that he wasnt happy with the constant arguments and needed a break. He said that we can still be together and see each other on the weekends to bring excitement back in the relationship. He kept telling me that he hasnt seen a change in me because every week I have been talling about the situation and wanting to work it out. He was not being intimate with me anymore and he would not make out with me either. However, he would text me while i was at work asking about my day amd making dinner for me every night. Which led me to more confusion and more wanting clarification of what all of this means. He kept telling me he wants me to move out. I finally (after a month) moved out and im currently living with a friend. Even though he says we are not broken up, do I still apply NC? I feel like I lost the opportunity for him to change his mind about me because i kept pushing and pressuring him and chasing him. I did so much damage and im not even sure if we are really still together at this point?

    Please help

  7. Nicky

    August 10, 2018 at 1:46 am

    Hi Chris,
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years and a couple of months. We have been in a distance relationship due to college. He would come home every six months and we would be together the whole summer. The first year was rough for he was adapting and feeling home sick so we broke up for a couple of months, but then got back together. This year I went to USA to be with him for two weeks since he was graduating. I left and then he case back to our country a couple of days later. We had been hanging out and everything as a normal couple until we got into a huge fight one day. I was just very stressed because he had stop being sweet with his words and had suddenly stopped flirting with me. After that fight everything went down. Since I started the fight I was mature and went to his house to apologize and he said that I had to work on myself so that things could workout. I had notice that he had been talking to a girl, but since we have records of jealousy and tried to put that aside, besides I met the girl when I went to his university. Anyway days later he went to another city to a concert that we had planned to go to together. He went on his own and I thought it was okay because I was trying to give him space. The day after the concert he was acting strange and told me that sometimes he did not felt like talking to me. So I called him and found out that he had feelings for the girl he had been texting. We didn’t speak that whole day or the day after that became back. Three days later we decided to talk and he broke it of because he said that he could not be thinking on two women at the same time. I was crushed.I was expecting him to apologize and say that he wanted to be with me but that did not happen.We both cried for we had talked previously about marriage and leaving together. We kissed and it was all a little messed up. He told me to stop looking for him because that is the only way he comes back to me. Given the brake up of the first year. He left and we kept talking. We never really stopped , hanging out kissing and various times we were intimate. Days later I found out that the girl he was pursuing did not really wanted to have a relationship with him. I read some text messages between him and his best friend were he told her that he was going to keep trying to a certain point with this other girl. He also had talked to her about how he had plans with her, plans that he originally had with me. This really broke my heart. He still kept hanging or but most
    of the time I asked him to since he was teaching me how to drive. Every time we kissed and we were trying to figure things out. He said that we are trying to work things out, but he’s still talking to that other girl. I confront him every time and he tells me that it is not what I think. That he does not talk to her like that. One time he confess to me that he still liked her so it bothers me that he talks to her obviously. Even though we are trying to work things out I feel like this damage or relationship. He tells me that he loves me, but barely calls me love or any of the sweet words he used to call me. I feel as if he’s not really there. I have tried to be sweet with him, but I do not get his same reactions as before this whole cheating happened. I know this website is to recover your ex, but I really want to recover my boyfriend. I might sometimes be needy because I feel him distant and I do not know if that is affecting him. I want him to chase me again, flirt with me and be cute with me. How do I recover that? Do you think he might be thinking of this other person? Please let me know your thoughts.

  8. Mel

    August 9, 2018 at 7:47 pm

    Hi, so this guy is not on social media and we do not have the same circle of friends. He is from 3 hours away and was a contractor at my work,He has left now
    and gone to a new job. He said from the beginning he did not want a relationship, just fun as he was so hurt in his last one with the mother of his children, who was an alcoholic and he is sensitive. Over the two months we really connected physically and emotionally and he said he got feelings and went from being cold to really nice. He said he would stay in touch as it was the best time he had in years but on the last night before he left he said there would be no contact. I text him twice and after the second time he replied he missed me and thought of me but the longer we text the more it hurts and that it was really hurting, but he had been honest it was not going to be a relationship. We did have great sex but he really opened up to me. He just was not ready, I know to be involved he said he just wanted to concentrate on his children who he had all weekend as he worked away all week, all the time in different parts of the country. He was emotionally unavailable but did open up and have feelings and was quite vulnerable underneath. I text twice more saying ignore me and just talked about general stuff, on the second text I sent a good picture and just said I am giving up now and just wanted him to remember me – he ignored me. it has now been 4 days and i will give up. In a complicated situation like this distance, the ex, will no contact work. we got on so well and i was very lovely to him but he did say i was clingy ( as I liked him) but it was him asking to meet every night in his last two weeks which i could not do. I defn adored him and he said he loved that and waking up every morning to my late night texts he said he loved getting at the time and when he was here not to stop sending them. He is only on whats app not snap chat, instagram or FB. Can no contact work in this situation or do i give up and realise he wont come back it been three weeks and he has replied but then ignored the last two but I always said ignore me and the last one was I am giving up with the picture three days ago. I know its all silly and desperate and I am not hoping we will have a relationship I would have just liked to know he was happy and said that, although he prob did not believe me, and let it all end naturally and fizzle out rather than being so cold – he did apologize for being so cold on his last text. Thank you

  9. Mar

    July 28, 2018 at 5:19 pm

    My and my boyfriend were together almost two years. Recently i found out he cheated almost a year ago with his ex. He had also been messaging alot of girls. One thing is when i first gor with him i wasnt really inlove so i would message guys. I will admite in our relationship we lacked communication. When i first got with him i wasnt into him, but i stayed. I treated him like crap. At first he was jelous and controlling, and then i took over. I deleted girls off his instagram, and when he follows girls i get mad. When he goes with his friends i dont trust him. We took road trips together. It took him to say he needs space for me to realise i love him. Now i want him back now that he needs space and is so tired if me and didrespects me. Im hurting what should i do? Do you think hell come back if he says he loves me, is close to my family and needs to work on himself?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 29, 2018 at 1:45 am

      Hi Mar!

      Sometimes having space is good for you both. You focus should be on “you” and your healing. Certainly having a plan that can help you with that and also help you with getting him back is part of the the same thing. Find your emotional balance first, then make use of an ex recovery plan which you can go to my home page and learn all about how to accomplish that with some of the resources I offer!

  10. Ellen

    May 1, 2018 at 8:49 pm

    6 years together,, 5 living together, was mutual breakup and turn nasty, talked for 2 months normally, loving and angry. Wanted 1 more week to think about it as he didn’t want to get back together, then wanted another week. I was begging, crying and tried no NC on/off. Ask for my post today and he said to leave him alone. Have deleted his number and blocked him on everything. Even his own family. Do you think he notice ??

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 1, 2018 at 9:40 pm

      Hi Ellen…thanks for dropping by! 6 years is alot of history, so I sense that there are more Chapters to be written. But do yourself a favor and take a look at my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro (at my website Menu/Products link) as it has considerable information that should help you through this process. There is just so much for you to learn about. But i want you to remember, it is important you spend some time focusing on your needs and goals and seeking to be the best version of yourself. Much of this can be accomplished in a pure NC period. But read up on it and my ebooks will get you there faster.

  11. Lucy

    April 25, 2018 at 10:42 am

    Was only with my ex boyfriend for 6 weeks but the emotionally dependent foundation was built straight away to the point he still rings me if he has trauma and he pursued me relentlessly .. but about 3 week ago he started pulling away at first I didn’t say anything but would constantly ring and text to check in eventually I asked what was going on and he said he didn’t know what he wanted and needed space .. I initially was hurt and lashed out we argued and he told me he had never cared about me and never felt a spark so I didn’t speak to him at all and did my own thing about 5 days later he messaged me saying he hadn’t meant what he said and he was just bad at pushing people away when he was feeling pressure so I apologised and asked him what he wanted to do from there he said he needed some time to himself to sort his stuff out then he would try again with me but then asked me to stop over thinking about him all the time and said he would ring me when he’s ready to start again … since then I’ve been still ringing and texting him I get the urge every 3-5 days do you think I should go into no contact now to let him initiate more chasing ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 26, 2018 at 12:11 am

      Hi Lucy…he said mean things because he was angry, but that is no excuse. I think NC would be of benefit in order to create more balance in the relationship as he seems to want to control everything.

  12. pat

    April 16, 2018 at 12:44 am

    Hi, my boyfriend of over a year just broke up with me to chase another girl. Is it possible to get him back? Should I use NC following the break up given that he will be chasing someone else?
    (not sure if relevant but he says he misses me and its possible to get back together but he wants to break up and chase her for now)

    thank you so much for your help, it just happened yesterday but i’ve found some comfort in your words.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 3:40 am

      Hey there Pat! I think employing No Contact Principle would be helpful. You should take the time to heal from this rash like decision for him to go chasing after some girl. Its unclear how this will all shake out, but right now, you should be focused on your needs and goals and becoming the best version of You. Meanwhile, let the No Contact Process do its thing. Take a look, if you haven’t already at any of my ebooks that can give you much greater detail on what to do and how during this whole breakup process (click Menu/Products link). You may discover you don’t want him after how he has behaved.

    2. pat

      April 18, 2018 at 9:59 am

      thank you very much for your reply! your posts have been really helpful 🙂

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 11:05 pm

      Hello again Pat…thank you and keep me informed as to how things develop for you. And if you need a Companion Guide to help you through this whole process, you know where to go on my site.

  13. noel

    April 11, 2018 at 11:22 pm

    Hi Chris, so my ex and I had an extremely tumultuous break-up. Background info: it was a fairytale start and we were madly in love and lived together for two years. I left a life in S.F. to be with him in London then we both moved to NYC. The last time I saw him he was supposed to be in London and I just so happened to run into him and we was with another woman at a bar. He wouldn’t even look at me and sent my nasty f-u texts and gave me 5 days to get out of the apt. This was Feb. 5th. We were done though in December and I was in denial and begged, pleaded did everything I could to save our relationship. His mind was made up. Leading up to seeing him with another woman (I think they’re currently dating) he was supposed to come home but then had a “business dinner” last minute–he showed at 4am smashed out of his mind and yelled at me said horrible things and left. I have sent emails recently, some drunk, some begging, some wanting closure. But he told me he doesn’t want to see me for the “foreseeable” future. He told me to stop harassing me and basically threatened a restraining order. So, in this case does he think about me, will he ever come back. He told me he loved me more than any other woman he’s been with. When it was good it was good. Is it hopeless. I am 6 days NC.
    Thank you!
    Noel

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 11:26 pm

      Hi Noel…it could be a rebound. Two years with you is not insignificant. I think NC was a good choice. I know it hurts right now. But things will get better for you in time, no matter how it all shakes out. I have a Private Facebook Group which helps a lot of folks. You can learn more about it if you go to my website Menu/Product section. Lots of great resources there to help you get through all this.

  14. Destiny

    April 9, 2018 at 11:25 pm

    So this guy I’ve been seeing for a little over 6 months broke things off with me. He said I was clingy and although I treated him well he left me and I believe he is seeing someone else. So l did no contact for about 2 weeks. He contacted me after seeing it was an a relatives birthday and told me to tell them happy birthday. I responded very brief and said thanks. Being that he’s seeing someone else I wonder does he truly miss me even if I did chase him and do anything and everything he wanted because someone else now feels that void. After I responded thanks I haven’t heard from him and wonder if I will again

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:11 am

      Hi Destiny. There are always options. Some time ago I created what I think is an awesome resource. It’s called Ex Recovery Pro. Full of ideas and clever strategies. Take a look. You might just need an informed blueprint to get you to the finish line. Click on my website’s Menu and pull up the “Products” Page. Explore and see if this fits your needs.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:11 am

      Hi Destiny. There are always options. Some time ago I created what I think is an awesome resource. It’s called Ex Recovery Pro. Full of ideas and clever strategies. Take a look. You might just need an informed blueprint to get you to the finish line. Click on my website’s Menu and pull up the “Products” Page. Explore and see if this fits your needs.

  15. Maria

    April 5, 2018 at 8:02 am

    After 5 weeks of our break up, he texted me and said me that he is sorry for his behaviour and he still feel for me but dose not want me to go back to him as he know that he is not good enough for me . I send a very simple reply text. But since then he did not contacted yet. I am just thinking what is in his mind actually .

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 11:55 pm

      Do you mind telling me what you texted him back exactly?

    2. Maria

      April 6, 2018 at 8:46 am

      I just mentioned that I also have same feelings for him and then I wished him to be happy and positive .. that’s all

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:49 am

      So, you essentially told him that you still have deep feelings for him and basically validated what he was reaching out for.

      You’ll find men will do these reach outs to validate themselves or make themselves feel better.

      Almost like a test and you basically just gave him what he was looking for.

  16. Anon

    April 3, 2018 at 2:03 am

    I did 38 days of NC then he finally reached out to me last week positively and I replied quite friendly but kept it cool but he hasn’t texted since. I’m becoming the UG. If I start initiating text with tide theory, doesn’t it look like I’m chasing him? I want him to be chasing me as he’s the one who dumped me. I feel as though if he wants me back, he should be the one trying

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2018 at 12:44 am

      Do you mind if I ask the exact text that you sent him.

      (Give me some context too when you send it.)

      Like remind me I asked you for the text b/c I will totally forget without the reminder. Answering comments is a tough business on the memory.

    2. Anon

      April 4, 2018 at 12:39 pm

      Hi, so he dumped me and I did 38 days no contact. I was aiming for 45 as he’s stubborn. On day 38 he texted me saying “Did you pass your exam? Did you have a good time at hadrians wall? Congrats on employee of the month.” He must have seen all this on my Facebook even though we’re not friends. My profile is now public and I’m becoming the UG. I texted him the next day saying “Hi, I haven’t got my results yet. I didn’t get round to walking Hadrian’s Wall but I’m planning on going back :-)” he didn’t reply. And neither of us have messaged each other again. Shall I do no contact again or should I be initiating messages? I want him to be chasing me, not the other way round 🙂

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 11:03 pm

      Love how you guys still find that UG post somehow.

      No, I feel like you should initiate some. Remember, it doesn’t matter who starts the conversation it matters who ends them 🙂

    4. Anon

      April 6, 2018 at 5:15 am

      Thank you very much for your reply. I find your messages very comforting and I’ve read so many of your articles. I’ll keep you updated 🙂

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:52 am

      I am glad you read a lot of my articles!

      Someone is still out there reading my stuff YAY!

  17. caroline

    March 29, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    My comments I guess were deleted but I’ll still follow up and add I heard from ex yesterday he asked when I wanted to hang out again.. I was hoping for some thoughts from you guys but I guess I have my answer.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:55 am

      We didn’t delete them.

      I promise.

      We have been having a few website issues with comments and were looking into alternatives.

  18. Caroline

    March 27, 2018 at 8:13 pm

    Just to follow up because I see a lot of follow up questions ask about Social Media. I don’t know if he “stalks” my public Instagram but I can say I have posted a lot of out having fun, being happy, doing cool stuff pictures since our break up, and a few posts and plenty or likes and comments alluded to me dating other guys too. I would say doing no contact immediately and for so long really helped me to move on and be happy post break up and be a in a great place when he reached out. Not sure if it’ll work out for me, but be patient ladies, and be happy, they all really do seem to come back IF you don’t chase.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:42 am

      Bam question answered LOL I literally just asked you about NC haha.

    2. Caroline

      April 3, 2018 at 2:18 am

      So after 10 days of not hearing from him or contacting him myself, he texted me asking to borrow something and suggested vaguely we hang out again “whenever I want”. Then the next day we texted for hours which was the first time we’d done that since breaking up and in that conversation he told me that he felt like my friends didn’t like him and didn’t think he cared about me but he did care about me. I didn’t but know what to say so i apologized that i put him in uncomfortable situations and then i changed the subject and he offered to help me out with something. The next day he told me he had a business trip coming up in a nearby city and i should meet up with him if I’m in the area too, to which i said i would not be that close. The day after that he asked to pick up what he wanted to borrow but i was busy and not home all day. I’ve accepted this is going to be a slow process but i want to rebuild momentum. I don’t feel like he’s pursuing me hard enough and i don’t want to be some filler until he meets someone else.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2018 at 12:52 am

      You hit the nail on the head.

      Your failing at momentum and we need to find a way to get it back.

      So, have you heard my theory on conversation.

      I believe there are levels to conversation,

      Small talk
      Telling stories
      Sharing Opinions
      Sharing Feelings

      Ideally you kind of view them as a guantlet where you master each level before you move on to the next one. I feel like you’d really benefit from this.

    4. Caroline

      April 4, 2018 at 1:35 am

      I feel like in our last conversation he started sharing feelings with me, so have i made it? I’ve read just about everything on your site, but can you direct me to this post or is it only in your book?

      I pretty firmly believe in rarely texting a guy first and i texted him first twice on Thursday- sure it resulted in a long conversation and him sharing feelings but still I really don’t want to chase him.

      In our relationship I initiated a lot in the very, very beginning but then after a month he basically took it upon himself to practically move in with me, but that’s when it started to get messy. I was still trying to play hard to get but he was at my house every day and night whether i was home or not. He is a very typical Cancer if you read about astrology lol.. they don’t like rejection.

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 10:44 pm

      So, I am familiar with astrology but I am not a very big fan of it. I am more of a scientist by nature. Maybe that’s short sighted of me… haha.

      Anyways back to your situation.

      Him sharing feelings… Tell me exactly what he said. Let me be the judge 🙂

      Also, sorry for the late response.

    6. Caroline

      April 5, 2018 at 10:49 pm

      I did care about you btw. It seemed like everyone I met couldn’t just be happy for you and looked at me like some asshole.”

      Ps- he is an actual scientist and his favorites tv show is Buffy’s too!

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:33 am

      Haha Buffy rocks…

      If you ever want to get me off track just start talking Buffy!

      Ok, so in my opinion you haven’t really gotten to “sharing feelings” quite yet. Generally it’s an unprompted thing from him and it looks like you said something that prompted this statement. Also, I think he is trying to pain himself like a victim which is pretty common actually haha.

    8. Caroline

      April 9, 2018 at 8:13 pm

      Changed my mind – can you delete the comment I just submitted beginning with ‘Thursday”.

    9. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 4:09 am

      Done!

    10. Caroline

      April 3, 2018 at 2:02 am

      So afternoon 10 days he texted me asking to borrow something and suggested vaguely we hang out again “whenever I want”. Then the next day we texted for hours which was the first time we’d done that since breaking up and in that conversation he told me that he felt like my friends didn’t like him and didn’t think he cared about me but he did care about me. I didn’t but know what to say so i apologized that i put him in uncomfortable situations and the more i changed the subject and he the next offered to help me out with something. On Saturday he asked to pick up what he wanted to borrow but i was busy and not home all day. I’ve accepted this is going to be a slow process but i want to rebuild momentum.

  19. Caroline

    March 27, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    We dated for only four months last spring/summer but it was intense. I fell hard for him and I thought he felt the same about me, but he started to get really depressed about some other things going on in his life and broke up with me. Neither one of us spoke to the other for 6 months. Finally he texted me – straight up asking to see me. I agreed. We proceeded to have three amazing dates, all initiated by him. He told me how much better he was doing. The chemistry was still there. It seemed like we were going to get back together. When he asked me to go to a party with him I was so excited he was going to take me back around his friends. But at the party he was emotionally cold. I was disappointed by his lack of enthusiasm at the party and feel like he was taking me for granted. After a few hours I abruptly said I was leaving and he walked me out. He texted to make sure I got home ok and I let him know I did. That was 10 days ago and I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t know if I blew it or if this could motivate him more to chase me harder if he feels he’s lost me again? I don’t know if I should reach out or wait for him..

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:42 am

      So Caroline,

      At any point throughout this process did you do a no contact?

    2. Caroline

      April 3, 2018 at 2:10 am

      I was VERY emotional the night we broke up but i did no contact immediately after that night until he texted me 2 weeks later and suggested we should see each other but i was friendly and cool and shot him down gently. Then there was no contact for either of us for 6 months until he texted me.

  20. Jenny

    March 19, 2018 at 2:59 am

    Been seriously dating a guy for 6 months. He was fresh out of a long term relationship when we first started hanging out. We stayed at each other’s houses, spent almost every night together, traveled, spent time wth each other’s families. Three weeks ago he started acting funny. We didn’t talk for a couple days and when we did speak he said he was stressed and just needed some time to sort his life out. Haven’t been contacted since and I’ve not reached out. I’ve been NC. Heard he’s trying to get back with his ex but she’s with someone else and not sure she wants him back. Just unsure of this quick change and him ghosting me after over 6 months. He talked about marriage and having children together. Told me I was the best everything he’s ever had. I want to contact him for answers but i just don’t know what to do at this point. Or if it’s hopeless.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 24, 2018 at 4:53 pm

      Hi Jenny,

      It looks like you’re a rebound..
      Check this one:
      EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

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