What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

The No Contact Rule Is Killing Me…

So it happened…again.

The pang in your heart, the pain in your gut that tells you that you need to contact him.

It hits you randomly, as a lot of reminders of him always do – when you’re flipping through channels which watching TV and a random show pops on that you used to binge watch together; or when you’re driving and a song that you two used to sing comes on; or maybe your friends suggest having dinner at a restaurant you two had your eighteenth date.

No matter what the trigger is, the result tends to be the same: “I need to text him. I need to call him.

I want to tell him how much I miss him and want him back.

“This No Contact Rule is killing me!”

I totally understand this feeling, y’all.

The No Contact Rule is a struggle and let’s face it – the struggle is real.

Not being in constant contact with someone you spent all day, every day texting and/or calling just plain sucks.

There’s no other way to say it.

Quitting something cold turkey disrupts our perfect world, and since our perfect world involves our lovely exes, we take this abrupt end quite hard. Every day without contact does numbers to our psyche.

We get anxious and worried about the ex moving on and not wanting or needing us anymore.

For those lucky ones who have exes reaching out to them during their No Contact, or NC, period, they have to dance around the idea of whether or not to reply to them. No matter what the situation, the basic truth is that No Contact always starts off as a struggle.

How we choose to overcome it, however, is what we truly struggle with the most.

Some women are able to survive No Contact unscathed and hardly bothered, and by the end, they’re ready to pick up the phone and text that ex of theirs, making sure they know what they’re missing. But for the rest of us, it’s not that easy because it really feels like someone pulled the rug out from under us.

We aren’t just left heartbroken, but also defeated and devastated, our resolve a little weaker than other women. That’s not to say that we are weak, just that we haven’t found our inner strength yet. Allow me to elaborate with my own story.

Currently, I’m going through an indefinite NC with my ex after an unsuccessful texting phase, and an initial NC period that I barely got through. Notice that I said “got through” and not necessarily “survived.” See, I wouldn’t exactly say that I survived my first NC because, to be totally honest, I didn’t follow the No Contact Rule wholly and completely.

Let me remind you what the No Contact Rule is according to Chris and The Ex-Boyfriend Recovery:

[No Contact is] A period of time in which you ignore your ex deliberately in an attempt to make them miss you more and ultimately allow them time to erase any bad feelings they have towards you; while simultaneously providing yourself an avenue to emotionally recover and grow as an individual.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Deliberately ignored my ex? Check. Attempted to make him miss me? Check. Maybe. The verdict is still out on that. Allow him time to erase any bad feelings he has towards me? Check. Simultaneously provide myself an avenue to emotionally recover and grow as an individual? Uh………………….

See, I believe the reason many of us struggle with No Contact, why we are killing ourselves over it, is simple: We are all still obsessing over our ex-boyfriends.

For the most part, NC is not successful because the ex is still the central focus of this whole process, when truthfully, the focus should be on you. You, too, are “getting through” this No Contact, not “surviving” it, because you’re not focused on you.

As hard as it is, ignoring your ex and finding the courage to not reach out to him only seems hard because you’re putting so much stock in him. I’m gonna give you some tough love right now, and you probably don’t want to hear it; but you’re gonna need it if you want to get through this No Contact period, baby doll, so please don’t take offense when I say bluntly: Stop obsessing over him! I’m sure if you learn how to do this, like Gloria Gaynor famously said,

You will survive.

If No Contact is killing you, think back to why you started it in the first place. If you keep focused on both aspects of NCR (putting yourself first, then your ex), then the better equipped you will be to surviving it.

Stop worrying about if he will contact you, when he will contact you, if he is lurking on your social media. It won’t be helpful, I can assure you.

Put yourself first, in the center focus of this NC game. Let the focus be more on you and less on your ex. “How can I do that?” you might be asking yourself.

Well, I’ll share with you some of the things that I’m currently implementing on NC Round 2, with hopes that these tips will help you out.

Feel Your Feels… Then Move On

First of all, go through every emotion you’re feeling so you can allow yourself to move on from them.

Try not to hold in all your feelings or bottle up your emotions because that’s not always the healthiest thing to do. If you feel sad – cry. If you’re angry – vent to anyone or to yourself, even. If a random memory pops into your mind, think about it and then do something else. Basically, cry over your spilled milk and then clean it up because you’ve got other things to do, champ.

Feel your feels and then move on.

But how do you do this? How can you go through your emotions and just carry on like you never felt that way? Let me tell you what I did. Personally, I am a very emotional person, so I go through a lot of emotions in a day. Can you imagine what I was going through the first week of my breakup? It was terrible! When I got so tired of the emotional turmoil, I decided to write my feelings out. I’ve been told many times by friends how therapeutic writing is for the mind and soul.

Even though I was advised to do this during any point of heartbreak or depression, I never did it. To actually write my feelings? I couldn’t bring myself to be that candid. But this most recent breakup shook me so much that I felt like I truly needed to get my feelings out. The easiest way for me to write my feelings out and not succumb to texting my ex before NC ended was to dedicate a journal to my ex.

By doing this, not only was I able to get my feelings and frustrations out, I was also able to get the ex out of my head when he clouded it and distracted me in my NC.

A lot of my entries were written like I was texting him about my day, how I felt, what reminded me of him. For days when I was lazy, I made voice notes instead, and pretended I was talking to him.

Trust me: This emotional release will be healthy for you, even if you have to do it multiple times a day. Think of it as a detox – Once you clear your mind of all that is blocking it mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, the lighter you’ll feel and the more you can focus on doing other things.

Speaking of other things to do, here’s another tip: Keep busy. I’d like to warn you that of course keeping yourself busy right after a breakup can be rough on you in the beginning, and understandably so. It can be draining your energy, but it’s better to keep yourself moving that sitting alone in your room, wondering what went wrong for the millionth time that week.

Many women probably will admit that the worst times of the day after a breakup is when they’re left alone with their own thoughts.

But if you try to put yourself in constant motion, you’re forced to focus on other things. You can reconnect with the kind of person you were with your family and friends, and get to know them all over again.

Make plans to do the things you did with them before your ex monopolized all your time (and we can be honest here; we know the ex monopolized all of your time.)

Delve into the interests you set aside in favor of your ex’s interests, or venture out and find new hobbies.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Mine was being shoddy at Calligraphy, in case you were wondering (you probably weren’t.)

  • See the movie you wanted to see.
  • Take that cooking class.
  • Even date – but only if you feel ready to.

I wouldn’t want you to throw yourself at another relationship unless you’ve taken care of yourself first.

And ladies, don’t be afraid to unplug yourself from social media for a while.

I know it’s hard to do it for many of us whose phones are basically their right hand (I’m guilty of it!), but unplugging for a while off every kind of social media can help you stay focused.

After my ex and I broke up, I obsessively checked Instagram to see if he posted, what pictures he liked, and always wondered if he was looking at my profile. I knew it wasn’t healthy, but I kept checking it every five minutes until it he deleted me off his “Followers” list.

That’s when I knew I had to stop checking my social media religiously. It wasn’t helping me focus on me.

And look, you don’t have to do this for a long period of time, either. You can unplug for an hour or two, a few days, or even a few weeks if you absolutely need it.

But once you’re ready and you’ve got your mind cleared, your focus centered, jump back in that social media game and use social media to your advantage, not at the mercy of your ex’s.

Another way I stayed focused during my first NC period was by being active in the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Facebook group.

I know it sounds like shameless plugging, but hear me out.

This group saved me at my lowest low.

When I couldn’t open up to my family and my friends were sick of hearing me sing along to Adele to nurse the pain, everyone in the group provided me with the support I needed to carry on.

Chris and Jennifer Seiter, as well as all the active members in the group – everyone consoled me when I posted my frustration. And when I returned the favor and helped console others, I found myself reflecting on my own relationship and what I was doing.

It was then that I looked at my own recovery period, how I handled/was handling it, and if I needed to re-evaluate anything.

Because everyone was at different stages post-breakup – fresh from heartbreak, just getting over NC and anxiously preparing for the texting phase, or already back with their exes and sharing with others what helped their process – not only did I do a self-evaluation on my progress, I also found that helping others distracted me from my own situation. If you get a chance to join the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Facebook group, I highly recommend it.

These ladies are there when everyone else in your life just doesn’t understand why you’re still upset.

They’re your #squadgoals, and they’re there for you, babe.

No Contact Is A Necessary Evil

So now that I shared with you how to stay focused during your NC period and other activities you can do to keep you on track, I want to share with you some specific benefits to NC that I’ve noticed from my own experiences, as well as others.

While there are benefits, yes, I cannot help but say that No Contact is a necessary evil. It’s evil because you’re forcing yourself to stop talking to your ex cold turkey, but it’s necessary because it’s it will do so much good for you.

It’s good for you because it allows you to take a step back and look at who you are, post-breakup, because you’re definitely a different person than you were before you were in a relationship.

You’ve spent months, maybe even years with this person who you’re currently missing and pining for.

And while I’m sure many of you have maintained your own independent identity in the relationship, the truth is you were always identified as a couple, a team, a unit, like “Mike and Christine” or “Jackie and Jamie.” For me, it was “Janell and Kris.” When Kris left, Janell was on her own and needed to learn how to be alone again.

Even though I’d be alone a long time before Kris, I’d forgotten how to live alone again without him.

I forgot how much I liked working out in a gym versus getting my workout by practicing my golf swings with him. I forgot that I didn’t actually like watching Bleach, his favorite anime, because I was more into Sailor Moon. I’d forgotten a lot of things because I was part of “Team Janell and Kris”, that “Team Janell” barely existed.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

When I rediscovered who I was pre-Kris, I started to feel like my old self again.

And that’s a lesson everyone eventually has to re-learn, post-breakup, because so much of your life were a part of theirs.

Re-learning who you are during No Contact is essential because, like the rule says, you need to recover emotionally in order to fulfill the next part, which is growing as an individual. This part is a term that Chris coined for us, and that we in the EBR group embraced wholly, known as being the “Ungettable Girl.”

Doesn’t Sandra Bullock look so #boss in this scene of Miss Congeniality?

When I think of being an Ungettable Girl, or “UG” for short, this image immediately pops into my mind almost always. Sandra exudes confidence and a type of impenetrable aura that makes you just want to be like her.

This is the kind of confidence you need to be an Ungettable Girl.

I just want to make that clear – being ungettable is not to say that you have to go through a total body makeover and look sexy in a bodycon dress, ladies. And it’s totally okay to want a makeover to feel UG, as well. No shame zone here! Heck, I went blonde during NC!

But being UG is more than physical appearance.

It’s about rebuilding that confidence that was most likely destroyed when your ex left.

And when you’ve built that confidence back up again, you’re setting yourself further down the clear path of recovery.

Re-Evaluate Your Value In The Relationship

The last benefit of the No Contact Rule is that you get to re-evaluate your priorities.

At this point, if you’ve allowed yourself to recover emotionally and to grow as an individual, it shouldn’t matter how long your NC period is before you break it….JUST KIDDING, Y’ALL!

Stick to 21-45 days, or Chris will rebuke me!

But seriously, if you’ve allowed yourself time to recover and grow, you’ll realize that by not contacting your ex throughout the entire NC period, you give yourself time to re-evaluate your value in the relationship. You will also see that NC allows you to look at parts of your relationship that you could make changes so that you don’t make the same mistakes once you’re back together with your ex.

Maybe through NC, you’ll learn at that point that getting your ex back isn’t your priority anymore.

Maybe you begin to realize that you don’t want your ex to miss you that badly. Maybe you’re ready to move on to greener pastures, date the other fish in the sea because now you’re a badass woman whose confidence cannot be shattered easily.

You may not have seen this right of the bat when you started your NC period, but that time really does put your wants, needs, and priorities in that relationship into perspective so you can reflect and hopefully build a better one the second time around.

I know, it may be killing you not hearing from your ex. And it’s tough to feel better about yourself after feeling rejected and broken up with, but don’t lose yourself in that sea of negativity.

Once you stay focused on accomplishing the No Contact Rule in its complete, two-fold process, the stronger you become.

And if you didn’t know it already, you are strong.

The No Contact Rule wasn’t implemented to make you hate your life, and its intent is never to make you feel bad about your ex not wanting you.

It exists to remind you that no matter how you’re feeling about the breakup, only you can start the process to help you be whole again.

Others can help you along the way, and your ex can take you back, but it’s up to you to make sure you survive in the end.

And yes, you will survive.

(This was a guest post written by Janell Agcaoili)

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

71 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule Is Killing Me…”

  1. Elizabeth

    February 13, 2018 at 12:48 pm

    I’m 6 months pregnant , day 2 of no contact . It’s a struggle to say the least . We were together about 4 years on and off and planned this pregnancy for a while . Things were bumpy for about 3 months then he decided he’d rather be single ,wants the baby to be adopted even though he has other kids . If he doesn’t reach out to inquire about the baby should I try a longer no contact rule

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 17, 2018 at 6:31 pm

      Hi Elizabeth,

      How is he as a father to his other kids? When did you break up? And check this one:
      How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are Pregnant

  2. abundant smiles

    February 12, 2018 at 2:33 pm

    Truth is no contact isn’t going to the easiest thing to do .Trust me ,I’ve been through the 45 day one and let’s just say it broke me ,but it’s totally worth it I got to put a lot of things in perspective and actually started to live for me (p.s he was my whole life)
    but I’m glad I did finish because I don’t feel obsessed and that actually made my ex boyfriend text me that he misses me and wants to see me and asks why I’m so distant (hahaha no contact was a huge success) it actually works
    ooh and btw font think that by reaching out to him or whatever you’ll feel less pain from the break up….nope it’ll only put you further into emotional turmoil

  3. Rudegirl

    February 7, 2018 at 11:15 am

    My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. We had been talking a bit as “friends on FB” but I asked him for space to deal with the breakup even though he claims to still love me situation is apparently “too complicated”… Well, I’ve been on NC for 3 days now… and he’s particularly fond of sending me messages saying I am being rude for not answering his nonsense messages in an angry-ish tone… My question is should I be reading his messages and letting them go marked as read. Or just not read them at all… We are still “FB friends” and I am working on bettering myself and becoming that ungettable girl.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2018 at 6:35 pm

      You already told him you need space. So, he’s the one being rude. It would be better just not to read at all so, you’re not conflicted.

  4. Jess

    January 31, 2018 at 8:04 am

    Hi,

    So my ex and I dated for nearly two years. I know that what went wrong was the accumulation of lots of little things like early on me trying to do everything in my power to be perfect I shut down his attempts to be good to me e.g. oh you’re on your period should I buy you chocolates or something? Me: no I don’t need anything 🙂 thanks for asking though. He stopped asking and stopped trying and that made me insecure. I told him about my insecurities and we tried harder but then I started getting stressed out with work and uni and I would show up at his room every day just to nap. This put a strain on him because he used to get excited when ever I showed up but it turned into a draining thing where he felt bad in his own space for not entertaining me even though I just wanted to be in a room with him and didn’t need entertaining. I stopped being exciting the more I tried to make things up to him. We talked about it and I made sure to have a reason to visit him and asked before coming over but even then we didn’t do much more than watch movies and we ran out of things we both wanted to watch. I could feel that there was an imbalance in the relationship and I made up my mind since I was just sad all the time thinking he didn’t care about me. So I made a final plan. To set up a projector and watch his favourite movie and have snacks we both liked as a start off for planning a special night each week. I didn’t tell him that though which may have been my down fall. I just asked him to come over on a particular night to watch a movie. I met up with him for lunch that day and told him not to forget the movie. He told me he had and had already agreed to a group movie with some of our mutual friends. He said I could come to that though. I was sad about him choosing that over me since he had been gone for two weeks on a camp and we were never the kind of couple that had very many planned things so I had hoped it would have some weight. I agreed to go to the movie but let go of his hand when we were walking to lunch because I was sad and upset and somehow wanted him to know without me telling him (which is silly I know, I just wanted him to decide on his own to choose me). So he didn’t and I went back to work since we were just meeting for my lunch break (I work right next door to him). And then I saw a message from him later in the day “gotta leave now for the movie, not waiting for you” that was while I still had 3 hours of work. That made me upset so I waited until the movie finished and I asked him to go for a walk. He agreed and we walked and I told him I had been feeling bad about the relationship. He said he had been feeling the same. He felt bad because sometimes he didn’t feel excited about seeing me and sometimes he thought about whether he would be better with a different girl (not someone specific just whether I was right for him) and he felt particularly bad because the only flaws he could point out was a chew too loud sometimes and I don’t like to play video games. So we decided to go on a break and talk again in 2 weeks time. So I spent a week resisting the urge to contact him even though I really wanted to and the first thing he sent me after a week on a day I woke up angry and everything had just gone wrong was an article about how hard it is to be the one who loves less. I now realise that was him trying to express his feelings so we could understand each other but I took that as a rejection and so very angry me sent an awful text. I had been looking up solutions to our problem to distract myself from texting him and one of them had said we needed to start fresh. End everything and start again so stupid me put all that in a text with no context and a lot of swearing. F the good times f the bad times, let’s salt the earth so no ghosts can come back this is over. Type thing. I even said we couldn’t be best friends anymore which I really regret because he had been talking about being friends afterwards and that is something I would appreciate now. So I killed it. The hope we had of maybe trying to fix things. His response was that the thing that hurt the most was he thought he was going to marry me and I responded by saying I had never let myself consider that because I had never thought he would. So yea I killed every shred of hope. And then I killed it more by asking him out again the very next day. And then while having a panic attack about what I had done telling him I was cold and broken (over text). So after that I tried leaving him alone. But I couldn’t I am addicted. That was why I couldn’t even last more than a week on break. Everything in my life I want to share with him. But now I can’t. So I have sparodically gone a few days between messaging him. He always responds politely but clearly doesn’t get any joy from it. I gave in and visited his house a week after I broke up with him and we went for a walk and I asked if we could still be friends and he said hanging out with me just makes him think of the break up and makes him scared of me asking him out again and him having to say no. Even after that after a few days I contacted him again and he again replied politely. I know I’m doing all the wrong things. I’ve killed my chances but a big part of me wants someone to just say. It’s alright, there is still hope. But I don’t think there is. I can’t seem to do a no contact period. I’ve also remembered all of the good things that we had and all of the things we could have been. On the bright side though I’m not a big mess anymore, just a little one. I go to work and I kick ass. I have been looking after my plants and trying to distract myself. I got a gym membership and have started going but each of these new and exciting things I want to share with him and that weakens my resolve. I know deep down that doing the no contact will likely not make him contact me. I know he still cares and I believe he still loves me but if I cut him out he is stubborn enough that he would cut me out too. Any advice would be appreciated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 6:03 pm

      Hi Jess

      check this one:
      How To Stay In No Contact

  5. Chloë

    January 28, 2018 at 7:38 am

    Hi,

    My boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. The main reason is that we had too many discussions. He wasn’t feeling good anymore.
    I’m already working on myself in therapy to improve myself. So I know I can do/be better.
    We still had contact the first month to splitt our stuff, to pay each other and to decide who would take care of the dog.
    We were together for 4 years and lived together for 1,5 year. So it took a while to decide who was keeping what.
    The contact was most of the time fun, we could still laugh together and make jokes together.
    We celebrated new year together with our friends. And the day after I visited him and we had sex… The same day he already apologized to me. Because he noticed my hopes were rising.
    After that we have not seen each other anymore. But we still had contact to ask about the dog. At this moment that’s the only thing he still cares about.
    So he still texts me to ask how to dog is.
    But last month he also texted me one day to tell me about his weekend. (Raised my hopes)
    After that I tried to start to no contact to make him miss me. After 5 days he texted me to ask about the dog. And after 7 days I texted him something random.
    He always answered my texts. We always send a few texts back and forth.
    And at one point I felt we were ready to meet up. So I send him a text to ask to do something together.
    He ignored me since that text. (It’s been a week. )
    He probably doesn’t dare to text me ‘no’.
    So that really hurts. He was the one who said to me the first month after the breakup that he wanted to stay friend. But now he told a friend that I can’t let go and he can.
    I’m afraid I asked it too soon. I just want to become friend again and then get closer and try to get back together.

    So now I wanna do the no contact for real.
    But it’s already killing me when I think about letting him go…
    He’s already moving on. So I’m afraid he will forget about me instead of miss me during NC.
    I’m feeling like doing the NC and moving on is giving up on our relationship. I know he already did, but I didn’t. Because I’m still convinced we belong together and we can do better together.
    I really don’t know what to do at this point.
    I’m still heartbroken and hoping, wishing and praying everyday to get back together.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 12:43 am

  6. Melanie

    January 8, 2018 at 9:42 am

    Hello there.
    I really need your help – I’m turning to really desperate.
    My boyfriend who I was with for two years broke up with me after a fight. i was very mean to him and I was very jealous. Two days ago, he texted me when I come and get my things – (we lived together) . He wasn’t there but his mother cleaned his/our apartment. I have always been cleaning, but not the way she did it and she’s been really mean to me saying I can’t clean, that I won’t have a chance with him ….. I’ve lost a lot of weight since a week and I really wanna fight for him. What shall I do? I asked him if he thought about us and he said; he’s more having an opinion of not living together. I’m stuck.
    Please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 10:08 pm

      Hi Melanie,
      Did you lose weight because you’re not eating or because you worked out and ate good food? Aside from health, are you improving the wealth and relationships with other people aspects of your life?

  7. WhiteRabbit

    December 26, 2017 at 4:02 am

    Hi Amor,
    No, I do not owe him any money; during no contact he texted he wanted to pay for my registration and insurance on my car, and he wouldn’t waste is time doing this if he didn’t really care about me so if I didn’t contact him to pick up the paperwork I could ‘go f myself’. I broke NC of 10 days to be given a gift, told he wanted to do this for me, and to be told he was sorry for how much he’s hurt me. But he insists we cannot be together because he cannot accept his familiarity to my previous partner. As I mentioned my boyfriend confessed his love after a 5 year friendship and his feelings were undeniably obvious and there have been many grand gestures to express his affections. However, he has always wrestled with being able to trust that I genuinely love him, rather he suspects he is a rebound, or a pawn in a play to make my past partner jealous. He said he cannot help but worry there is always a chance I’d still fool around with him. There is no reason for him to believe this and I suppose only time will prove to him I genuinely fell in love with him. He wants to get over me and move on because he believes we can never be together as he will never overcome this. But aside from this we have never fought, things were always very loving and we were so affectionate and such adoring friends to one another. He was being deliberately cruel and pompous flaunting the fact he was with someone else and making it seem as if he and I had merely fooled around for a few weeks together and nothing more. I used that opportunity to return to no contact rather than respond to his remarks and defend myself. it has been 6 days since returning to NC, but in that frame Amor, he has texted me to let me know he paid for my plates and placed them on my car for me, has offered me additional financial help, and asked me to let him know I got my things back. He has also texted me to apologize for being hateful in a long message he took back the things he had said. But it was still clear he believes we can’t be together. He has also in this 6 day NC texted with a friend of mine, where he was nasty at first, then said he did live me but he will never admit it to me again because he is trying to convince himself he doesn’t and he thought he fooled himself. He mentioned I hadn’t responded to him in days and he had clearly given up on me. He hasn’t contacted me since sending me the apology after speaking to her. In this message he told me the only way for me to move on is for him to never see me or speak to me again, he was sorry for how he hurt me, and that I was his ‘inner happiness’ and said goodbye .
    I’m extremely uncomfortable because I fear he has truly given up and let go of me because I refused his help and ignored him when he was offering to do things to show he cared. But I don’t want favors Amor, I want him. And I know he does love me according to what I’ve seen and heard .. Does a situation with a breakup on this basis call for something else? Will NC be effective for a situation like this? We deeply love and care for each other but he does not trust my feelings are genuine .. And trust is everything. Can he outgrow this thinking, can a man overcome something that I feel is immature and petty ( after all, he has an ex too, with children, who cares??) as ‘I used to be friends with him I just can’t accept it’ . Also Amor, please note, the ‘used to’; he hates him. At one point he took me on a trip and while holding my hand he told me he learned to accept that and was not wrestling with it anymore. But he brought it up a few more times and then just let go. And although he did reach out after 10 days of NC to see me in person he said it was the last time we’d ever see each other while repeatedly saying he missed me so much. And copious apologies for how much he’s hurt me. He went over things I thought he never noticed. It was obvious he’d been thinking. As he said it to my friend and to me again during my NC, I fear it may be true. I cannot let go of him. We confessed never having a friend easier to talk to or be with than each other, we were very comfortable and at peace around each other, we were wildly passionate together and there were so many long, loving gazes each time we were together. It’s impossible for me to believe he would give up something he confessed he had wanted and thought could never be his own. I know that in the time we’ve been romantically involved, my circumstances have changed as I’m in court with the prior partner to settle custody arrangements ( my boyfriend wanted this done much sooner to feel better about us but the process of going to court is beyond my control) and I had to take the semester off from nursing school because of all the problems this created. My boyfriend undoubtedly was more attracted to me when I was so busy with school rather than struggling to get back on my feet after closing the books on my prior relationship. And I can see where I’d appear needy and desperate now, which is why I absolutely did NOT want him to pay for anything to help me – and reinforce my neediness. I am sticking to NC but I’m deeply saddened and anxious about how to handle this correctly as I seem to do everything wrong Amor. I’m about to start a new job, school starts again in a week, I went back to the blonde hair he was crazy about, so I’m improving with great strides.. But my fear is, he will never see them, because he will never contact me again. I hope I’ve clarified myself better, as I don’t feel he’s abusive at all; he’s never even called me a bad name in his life – but he can be mean and cruel and cut very deep when he wants. I did get an apology though..but you see Amor, it came with a ‘goodbye forever’ message. Thanks for taking the time to help with your insight and expertise, this is the most special person I have ever known, and losing someone this close to me is so confusing and so painful.. This can’t be a good enough reason for a man to give up on the woman he said is everything he ever wanted, his soul mate, first real experience of being truly in love ..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 27, 2017 at 10:25 pm

      Improve for yourself not for a guy.. I still advise that you move on from him..

  8. WhiteRabbit

    December 21, 2017 at 10:07 pm

    I need advice, urgently. My boyfriend broke up with me claiming he cannot / will not ever be able to accept I had a previous relationship with someone he grew up with.. and this was 6 months of hot and heavy, extremely emotional , intense romance with no fights – with MY BEST FRIEND. yes – we have known each other five years, friends first, then confessed our mutual undying crushes and off we went til the intensity really began to make him push/pull/ disappear and start having doubts..
    Long story short he devastated me by announcing he gave up on us and somehow overnight (?) got a girlfriend to replace me too.. I initiated no contact ten days , but he contacted me asking to deliver my daughter’s Christmas gift. At that time he repeatedly stopped himself from talking to look away and sigh ‘I really miss you ‘ between his insistences he was sorry but he’d never feel safe with me ( believing I could either fool around with my ex or use him to make my ex jealous ) .. Then told me he intended to get the tags and insurance on my car. I didn’t want the help from him at all – I want nothing from him but respect and consideration – better than THIS – but there is no denying I need it or I won’t be able to go back to school. I had to accept the help – with comments that were downright insulting – him claiming he never really loved me, exaggerating how long we’d been together, being cocky and downright cruel knowing I was still reeling from the shock of seeing a girl texting him and being told there was already someone else .. I can hardly breathe …
    Well I have Immediately resumed no contact even with my license and paperwork in his possession – I realized he was doing this to alleviate his guilt and bad karma, not as a thoughtful gesture – and used that revelation as my opportunity to stand up for myself and go silent. Indeed if he believes he wants me out of his life I shall oblige him It’s been three days on attempt to of NC and he’s been texting me about getting my tags and giving me updates regarding this and nothing else. However a few hours ago he offered me more help. He has a small project for me related to his business that would help me pay some bills – but I don’t want his help. After all, getting to a low point is no doubt what killed his attraction and he has to see me as needy and dependent – why would I want to enable him to reinforce this negative image of me?? But then again – he gets so angry if I refuse his help – I only accepted the offer for the tag because he said if I didn’t answer and acknowledge he cared or he wouldn’t bother to do this that I could go screw myself ?.. I didn’t want to accept anything under such terms but the standard advice rarely applies as this was a friend that confessed he’s loved me for five years – wanting to get me away from my abuser – now that I’m free he somehow views the situation I ran from as a threat to him; Something that entices me to return .. It’s preposterous . Anyway – I don’t want to make a mistake here. Do I accept the help and acknowledge his gesture “demonstrating that he does care about me” or do I continue to ignore him ( after all – if I accept the help – I would do so failing to defend myself or respond to all the horrible , deliberately hurtful things he has been saying and I want to stand my ground and demonstrate I won’t tolerate that from him – or any of this from him – not for anything.) please help.. Respond or keep silent ?? I am still very much in love with him but he has betrayed me – there must be consequences even if I am to suffer to make my point…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 25, 2017 at 9:45 pm

      Sorry, correct me if I’m wrong. You owe him for paying up for the tags and insurance of your car? If yes, find a way to negotiate with him that you will pay up for in due time, get a witness, and better if it’s in writing and don’t accept help from him anymore and move on.. He’s abusive..

  9. Terra

    December 19, 2017 at 8:48 am

    I’m on 19 days of no contact and my ex hasn’t contacted me..there are alot of rumors in college that he is seeing a junior..
    I know this girl and he and she were friends from earlier..we had spoken about her after the breakup and before I started no contact and he said he didn’t like her..I want to believe him…bt they spend too much time together…n with all the rumors and seeing them all the time…I can’t control my emotions..
    We we’re together for 6 years..I want to believe he won’t lie to me..
    Please help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 8:53 pm

      Hi Terra,

      You had 6 years, so that’s not easy to forget but right now, the more important thing is you keep improving yourself and maintaining your new routine.. Make him regret through your improvements.

  10. Terra

    December 19, 2017 at 8:43 am

    I’m on my 19th day of no contact and my ex hasn’t contacted me at all…we are classmates n I see him everyday.. bt he totally ignores me n I ignore him…
    Lately people have been talking and saying that he is dating a junior..i know the girl and we were all friends from earlier. He spends alot of time with her..we had talked about it before I started no contact n he had told me he wasn’t into her and that all the rumors going round college were bad n it seemed like he could not even have female friends. I believed him at that point of time..but lately they have been spending too much time together..I want to believe him when he says he does not like her…I mean we were together for 6 years n I do trust him..
    But all the rumors and seeing them together is killing me

  11. Katia

    December 14, 2017 at 4:05 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. We were together for a year and he had just given me a promise a ring for our anniversary. He said we broke up because he has a lot of things going on that he wants to fix and also because he said he wants what’s best for me and all he will do is bring me down because I actually have a path for greatness and he doesn’t. I love him so very much. Me and him have a bond, a connection that I have not had with anyone else and he feels it too. I miss the way he would look at me, his sillyness, his hugs and not wanting to let go, his kisses, I just miss him. When he broke up with me I begged him to stay promising I will change but he said it was over. He later said maybe we can try again in the future but for now we are over. He finally said he needs time to think whether or not we should get together but he can’t make any promises. I have started the no contact rule and yes it is killing me. I know now what went wrong in the relationship and I just want to fix it and show him how much I love him. He offered to stay friends but I rejected it because I want him to be with me as a couple not friends. He hasn’t contacted me again but I saw him at school and he smiles at me and I couldn’t help but smile back. I want him back so bad but I don’t know how to do it. I am really close to breaking the no contact rule to text him but I know I shouldn’t. I am also scared he might lose feelings or the no contact will work backwards and he wont want me back. Please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 4:56 pm

  12. Renee needs help

    December 13, 2017 at 12:37 am

    I had lied to my ex telling him i was at one place and i wasn’t now since he had issues with me couldn’t really figure he wanted to move on some weeks it’ll b hot some weeks it’ll b cold just had me all confused so i started to approach him about it but it seem like the more distant he became it drove me crazy unanswered text he’ll text when he wanted went from 4 calls a day to mAybe one we got into it one day after are phone convo i just didn’t call him for about 3 days no contact i broke i end up texting him We talked like happened then i try the next day same result but i Text him have a gd night at work usually he’ll text back but nothing, i must admit i was hurt said I’ll NC i started over mAybe a day in i text him again asking him how can he act like i don’t exist he tells me ( he can say the same to me )which made no sense to me he finally just text he can’t do this cause your mind isn’t in the right place (which confuses me I was all on him )i started spilling my heart via text and no reply i left him alone back to NC so 2 days into that he texts again laughing (lol) hours lata i asked wats funny he said he”ll call me he did we talked about he’s acting wack cause me lying was wack this the cards he was dealt all i seem myself doing was spilling my heart again and all he can tell me we will see moving forward it I’m thinking ok we get somewhere Convo ended well he told me to text him in the morning so i did he replies two hours later and then leaves disappeared so i just left it that
    way back to NC a week later he texts me about fb saying (oh we’re no longer fb friends i can log in ) my page is deactivated but i ignored the text few hours later he texts now I’m back to my regular settings i guess he was tryna b rude to get my attention. I text back wateva he starts with a series of questions how’s ur new man? Or old ? You like him ? Hope you learned ya lesson lying ? I told him never that serious he calls he’s self telling me i only care about clothes and how i look to him telling me if it wasn’t snowing he woulda told me to come see him to me replying and him disappearing again. …. Please help please wats he’s deal ????what should i do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2017 at 1:15 am

      Hi Renee,
      Restart the count, stick to at least 30 days because the more you restart it, the less it can help you..

  13. Renee needs help

    December 13, 2017 at 12:28 am

    I had lied to my ex telling him i was at one place and i wasn’t now since he had issues with me couldn’t really figure he wanted to move on some weeks it’ll b hot some weeks it’ll b cold just had me all confused so i started to approach him about it but it seem like the more distant he became it drove me crazy unanswered text he’ll text when he wanted went from 4 calls a day to mAybe one we got into it one day after are phone convo i just didn’t call him for about 3 days no contact i broke i end up texting him We talked like happened then i try the next day same result but i Text him have a gd night at work usually he’ll text back but nothing, i must admit i was hurt said I’ll NC i started over mAybe a day in i text him again asking him how can he act like i don’t exist he tells me ( he can say the same to me )which made no sense to me he finally just text he can’t do this obliviously someone has my attention (also confused me )i started spilling my heart via text and no reply i left him alone back to NC so 2 days into that he texts again laughing (lol) hours lata i asked wats funny he said he”ll call me he did we talked about he’s acting wack cause me lying was wack this the cards he was dealt all i seem myself doing was spilling my heart again and all he can tell me we will see moving forward it I’m thinking ok we get somewhere Convo ended well he told me to text him in the morning so i did he replies two hours later and then leaves disappeared so i just left it that
    way back to NC a week later he texts me about fb saying (oh we’re no longer fb friends i can log in ) my page is deactivated but i ignored the text few hours later he texts now I’m back to my regular settings i guess he was tryna b rude to get my attention. I text back wateva he starts with a series of questions how’s ur new man? Or old ? You like him ? Hope you learned ya lesson lying ? I told him never that serious he calls he’s self telling me i only care about clothes and how i look to him telling me if it wasn’t snowing he woulda told me to come see him to me replying and him disappearing again. …. Please help please wats he’s deal ????what should i do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2017 at 1:15 am

      Hi Renee,
      Restart the count, stick to at least 30 days because the more you restart it, the less it can help you..

  14. AshleyJ

    December 6, 2017 at 6:32 am

    Just a side note: I don’t use social media so he has no idea what I am up to.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 10, 2017 at 5:43 pm

      Hi Ashley,

      Open up social media accounts, don’t add him yet but add mutual friends, make your posts public and do posts that just stays there unless you remove them…do at least 30 days and check this one:
      “Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now

  15. AshleyJ

    December 6, 2017 at 6:29 am

    Hello,
    He broke up with me after more than 2 years, we lived together for over a year.
    I was constantly stressed (overworked), had fights, he got too hurt, never talked it out (he buries feelings of being hurt), he had had enough, didn’t feel the same way. We agreed it was beautiful.
    He moved out, we only talked logistics through text.
    I am into two weeks of NC, picking up new and healthy habits (inproving my ways of coping with work stress, changing career paths to sokething I am passionate about, yoga, sport, reading about how to better communicate).
    I was thinking of doing a 30 days NC but… his bday is on Xmas day but he will be away for the holidays seeing his family. So I might be better off with just a bday text and then continuing into the new year. However, as the ending was quite okay (I of course freaked out but accepted very fast, didn’t beg was just very sad).
    How long do you suggest to go NC?
    Thanks

  16. geeta

    December 5, 2017 at 5:10 pm

    Hi
    I apologized thru text one week ago for what I did ( said bad things) and tgen ladt night called to say ‘hi snd I know youre ok it would be nice to talk ok bye’…….so now Im implementing NC. He has not contacted me at all since my text and phone call. I may have yo go lknger than 30 days because I get the sense he really wants to move on ftom his silence…..gut ferling…..crazy ‘instincts’……Im so miserable but will do ANC…..Im scared Ive lost him….at the moment I dont want to go thru all this to come out at the end without me….the thought of that makes me even more miserable…..no joy cant eat cant work cant think cant focus not good

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 9:00 pm

      Hi Geeta,

      It would be better if you see a therapist to get professional counsel…

  17. The new self improved me

    November 25, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    Day 14 and my hearts still shattered. I’ve been improving my diet, exercising, getting back into languages but I still think about him all the time. 4 years, 1 kid later.. I still cry n want to break novontact on the daily only because I know that my chances are gone if I do plus I’ll have to start over so I don’t. But I do miss him…. half way through tho! That makes me happy that I’ll be able to talk to him again. I’ve read all the articles and purchased the book lol so I just gotta tie it all together when the time comes… and hopefully he hasn’t blocked me and still loves me…

  18. Anonymous

    November 17, 2017 at 10:37 am

    I am on my 17th day of NC rule. He’s posting love statuses on his WhatsApp. He’s too available on social media, be it Facebook & WhatsApp. I don’t know whether it’s just to show me or he is actually with some other girl. After 2-3 days of our breakup i felt like he’s looking for some other. Our relationship was 11 months long.
    Now I’m wondering whther I should text him after NC or not! As i still love him but if he would have cared about me he would have texted me till now instead of looking for other girl. I guess it’s a new girl from his workplace. I am not sure though, but he’s showing like he’s with someone else.
    Please help me what should i do? And also, should I delete his number as looking at his love statuses n constant online status kills me as I couldn’t help myself from checking his profile???
    As per some people, he looks normal, no sad feeling or traces of breakup. Its like i wanna talk to him after NC but knowing the fact that he might be with someone else kills me.
    Also im active in posting on Facebook about my improvements as im working out on myself n posting pictures.
    Please help. Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:44 am

      You can extend to 45 days if you want to…

  19. Linda

    November 15, 2017 at 1:38 pm

    Hi,

    I purchesed your program just now and I have a question. My case: we broke up already 1,5 month ago and we were talking sometimes. Last times we saw each other I talked to him about us and he refused, we had sex just this last time, was totally messed us situation. Then I started following program next day because I did not know about it before.
    For how long shall I be on no contact? Longer than 30 days or 30 days it will be enough.

    Many thanks
    Linda

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:11 am

      HI Linda,

      how long was your relationship and why did you break up?

  20. Anonymous

    November 9, 2017 at 12:42 pm

    Can this be my first text to him after NC? (I’ve gone through your article of first text after NC)

    “Hey _____, I just want to let you know that I’m 100% cool with the breakup and I thought that it was a good idea. Hope we can still be friends. Talk soon.”

    Can you guys modify it, if its good to go??
    Thanks:)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:32 pm

      Nope.. just be friendly, don’t ask permission to be friends.. because that looks like you’re just trying to make it look like you’ve moved on.

  21. Gio Oktabera

    October 29, 2017 at 8:57 am

    hi, me and my ex broke up 1 week ago, first I called him, begged and pleaded. i know it was a wrong move because the more i beg the more he pushes away from me. he said that he doesn’t want to be in relationship with me anymore and we cannot get back together. so today i started to do NC Rule. but days after we broke up he said that he won’t contact me at all becaus it will good for me to forget him, he said to me to try find someone new and forget him, then yesterday i discovered that he has now someone who he said just friend, but they call each other very intens even in the middle of the night, and hiding it from me (i was with him that night). he said it is just friend to help him move on through this break up. it really hurts!! after we discussed everything and officially broke up, he asked me when will i get my stuff, and he said he wants to be friend with me. so today i decided to do NC rule. but what if he applies NC too but in order to get over me and move in? i think his rebound relationship is getting serious now even he said he will never ever dating this person, i know he lied because actually he will never know what will happen in the future with this person, he cannot guarantee it. please help, i really want him back. we are together for 2 years, and i know that NC wont be easy because we have bill to pay until at least june nex year. please help!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 9:13 pm

      Hi Gio,

      She’s not a rebound if they started talking before the break up.. Check this one:
      He Cheated On You And You Want Him Back… What Do You Do?

  22. M

    October 29, 2017 at 4:48 am

    How do I approach the first message following no contact if he’s blocked me and all I have is facebook but we’re not even facebook friends? Do I send a message and a friend request?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 7:49 pm

  23. Carla

    October 27, 2017 at 1:32 am

    My best friends are probably tired of hearing about my situation and they hate the guy, so, please help me guys and girls! Cutting my long story short, my ex long distance boyfriend confessed to me that he was dating someone else the same time as me. They have a place together and he travels a lot for work. We met in another country where I was living and he was assigned there for a few weeks, we went out and when he left to go back to his country he said he wanted to keep in touch. We did, for months. Then we met again and spent a week together. Anyway, basically, he’s living a double life. My sister found out about it, well she’s like a super good stalker, and thank God for big sisters, then told him to tell me. He did, we talked some, he said he was trying to get out of the situation and sort out the place. Our conversation was cut off but I was able to tell him to figure out what he wants then we will talk. He said he wants me to do that also and tell him how I feel and what I want to do. I told him I know what I want (which is to work things out and see where it goes) but I’m not gonna tell him what to do. Last thing I said was I’m gonna back off, because I have to look out after myself. If he is going to sort out things with her, tell me, if he wants to try to fix things between us, we will talk. It’s been 22 days and I still have no response. Last message I sent was 19 days ago (where I told him I will back off). The no contact is killing me but I guess I have my answer? Do you think he forgot about me? Should I move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 30, 2017 at 2:49 pm

      Hi Carla,

      He didn’t start nc.. Because that means if he did, he has the goal tp initiate contact and get you back.. He’s trying to guage how long you can hold off before going back to him or he chose the other girl..check this one:
      My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

  24. Tanu

    October 5, 2017 at 3:10 pm

    It’s been a three weeks now since I started NC but now this no contact rule killing me because now I have a doubt he is approaching new girls, he remains online daily for long time. I want to text him on his birthday that is on 17 December but I now it’s scared me what if he got new relationship.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 6, 2017 at 10:25 pm

  25. Tanu

    October 5, 2017 at 2:53 pm

    It’s been a 3 weeks since I started NC, I want to text him on his birthday that is 17 December but now No contact rule is killing me because now I have doubt that he is approaching new girls. He remains online daily till midnight, yupp he likes my post but still he doesn’t text me.
    Now I m thinking will no contact rule will work…? Will he come back ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 6, 2017 at 10:25 pm

  26. Messed Up

    October 4, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    Hi Amor,

    I messed up and broke NC after two weeks, texted my ex (he broke up with me a month ago) a good memory I had recently due to seeing a favorite movie we enjoyed together to somehow ending the text about he’s right space apart was good for us since I’m not as upset anymore and no hard feelings (we both said some things out of anger). I attempted to seem like the bigger person. Before he had me blocked but I saw it went through. He didn’t text me back until two days later at midnight saying “no hard feelings either” Did I just screw myself over? Why bother replying two days later when he could’ve easily ignored me like he did before? I never replied to his text and restarted NC.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2017 at 8:26 am

      Hi Messed up,

      That’s good that you didn’t reply.. Just focus in improving yourself now , completing nc, and be active in posting

  27. Anon

    October 1, 2017 at 10:41 pm

    I was in a six-month textual relationship with two successful dates at the beginning. Then he cancelled any other dates we were meant to go on with various excuses. Yet he says he wants me to be the last woman in his life and wants to see me regularly when he moves nearer to me (he only lives an hour away and has a car). He says he loves, wants and desires me (we haven’t had sex) and even mentioned marriage a few times! Then he wanted me to view a flat with him last week. But when the day came he cancelled it again blaming it on a chest infection that hadn’t once been mentioned. I ended things with him but now I want him back. Is NC worth a try to get him to see just what a decent woman I would have been with him, or by the way he’s treating me, is it worth trying to get back at all?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 2, 2017 at 8:41 pm

      Hi Anon,

      as they say, actions speak louder than words.. He says the right things but doesn’t have the integrity to show it.. You should move on..

  28. pinksugar

    October 1, 2017 at 4:38 am

    My bf told me his wife that he is separated from was sexting him. I said did you reply he said yes I asked for examples and he sent me their page. I was so hurt. He could of said he was showing interest in her all of a sudden?. As I was sexting before and after she was and he saw me that next morning we were intimate so why the need to sext her anyways if he is so into me?. When he keeps saying he doesn’t love her, isn’t attracted to her or interested in her?. He is trapped in his marriage and feels guilty about leaving his kids this was the last ever stay or come back for him. And he chose me apparently so. He apologised for sexting with her and said that he won’t do it again and that he’ll only flirt with me from now. And sorry he hurt me. I said thank you for understanding. Then he msgd later that day he reflected and thought that even though he feels bad hurting my feelings that he will do what he wants he is his own man and if I don’t like it so be it. I sent a huge novel msg explaining my feelings and pain and that if
    that’s his choice to do so I can’t be with him. (I didn’t think this was the break up as I just thought he would say sorry and want to be with me and make it work as I just assumed and haven’t got experience with relationships/break ups I just thought love would conquer) but he msgd next day after he reflected saying he has become toxic and he thinks it’s the right decision (me who cannot be with him due to his choice in secting/flirting with her) and sorry things didn’t work out, then 45 mins later msgd last time to date I wish you all the best in the future and I hope you do find happiness. He went on to block me straight away on social media which he has never done before. Did he do that bcs he is hurt and angry at me for saying if you loved me you wouldn’t do this to me etc etc calling him out on stuff?) or immediately in moment went oh well I’ll just go back to wife anyways who cares? Both haven’t made contact. And no I haven’t and won’t block him on social media I think it’s immature anyways. I still love him and want him to contact me to say he wants to get back together. It’s 5 days since he msgd about the future stuff and Im not coping. What do men think of this? What does the male just totally accepting and giving up and blocking me so quickly mean? I fear he just went back to his wife to be fulfilled and will never see me or talk to me again. I’m struggling with the fact he didn’t fight for us and now I’m thinking that he must of lied the whole time about me being perfect, he loved me and can never live without me. Will he contact me anytime soon? Will he want to be back with me? Did he ever love me? Does he love her? Will they work out?. Thank you for any advice and perspectives.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 2, 2017 at 12:14 pm

      Hi Pink sugar,

      He’s not trapped..he’s an adult and his actions are his own choice..if he truly loved you, he wouldn’t even be sexting with his ex wife in the first place.. For me you should move on..if not, at least try the no contact rule and do 30 days

  29. Kate

    September 18, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    My boyfriend and I were in a long distance relationship for about a year and seven months. We were texting on and off, dating different people, for about four years before we started our long distance relationship. A month ago, he broke up with me . I was going to apply the no contact rule right after our breakup but I ended up texting him and he was hot and cold depending on the day. I couldn’t apply the no contact rule due to the fact that I was planning on staying over at his place a month later due to an entrance test I was going to take. I had to keep in touch with him but now that we talked when we met, he was talking about how he doesn’t feel like he’s going to lose me after the breakup because he wants me in my life still as friends. I asked him if it’s ever possible for him and I to reconcile but he said a small possibility but no. I came back from his place today, and told him that I can’t see him as a friend so I can’t text him anymore. He seemed surprised at the start but understood. I am deciding to apply the NCR for 30 days but I feel like he is going to move on knowing how determined he is to find new love but then again, I do want him to know what it feels like to actually lose me. What is your advice given this situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2017 at 11:09 am

  30. Mandolin

    August 30, 2017 at 4:36 am

    Me & my ex dated for 4 months, it was a great 4 months, we met the old fashioned way (hes not into social media so he doesnt have a fb, IG, twitter, etc.) we kind of rushed into things, we made it official 2 weeks into meeting & told eachother we loved eachother 3-4 weeks into it. The way he treated me was the BEST ive ever been treated, he told me he loved me everyday & i was sure of it. well a couple of weeks ago my ex resurfaced (him & i have been off & on for 4 years) we hungout one night & i did the unthinkable..it ate me up so i told my bf the very next day. we broke up for about a day but immediately got back together. we been together since. Lastnight i went over to his house, he made dinner & it was like it always has been, we slept next to eachother then today i could tell the vibe was off, i got it out of him & he said that he doesnt feel the same way anymore & that he constantly feels like im going to cheat again (i tried hard to reassure him i wont) he said we should take a break..i have been texting him all day, trying my hardest to get a single reply from him but theres been nothing. I told him that i was going to fight for him & that i was going to make things right..my question is how do i do that when he wont even reply? i also have a feeling he wont ever reply..even if i follow the 30 day NC rule, i feel as if im just giving him more time to move on. i love him & i dont wanna lose him..he told me when i cheated that he wanted to make me his wife & the mother of his kids..i cant lose that

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 6:56 pm

  31. Ms.K

    August 19, 2017 at 2:13 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months. It is a serious relationship. We both do want to get married but our circumstances are different. I am born and raised in the US and he came here for college (graduated and works now but his family is back home). He has applied for citizenship. He loves me unconditionally and shows a lot of effort. The problem came up when I was adamant that I wouldn’t move to another state if he got a better job (he had a contract job and supports his parents back home) and I didn’t know that was his case til later on. He also misses his family a lot and feels obligated to take care of them. He cares for me a lot and loves me but also has said that I should move on and find someone who is here. I am willing to compromise–I am a CA public school teacher and my credential is accepted in other states. I don’t have a problem with him moving to another state, he can also sponsor his parents after his citizenship. It is that I do not want him to move to a 3rd world country. He says that he may go back to his home country in the future (even though job opportunities are not really there). He has so much potential here in the US.
    We still love each other and have not “officially” broken up. How do I start the “no contact process”? He contacts me all the time. Do I say that it hurts too much and we need to stop contacting each other? I know that he does miss me when we just don’t see each other for a few days. He knows that I want to get married but he thinks that I deserve better and should move on–but his actions show he loves/cares for me. He has said that his love will not change. What do I do? Looking Forward to Hearing From You.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 21, 2017 at 6:43 pm

  32. Abe

    July 26, 2017 at 6:31 am

    Hi my boyfriend or ex-bf one day texted me while I’m at work and told me get some of my stuff first at home because he need space. He just told me he’s tired of always fighting and sometimes I disrespect him. It’s been 2 weeks already and after I gave him that space he’s always out drinking with his friends. And to be honest I’m scared not because I don’t trust the people around him right now because he might enjoying going out to the point he forget about me. I know he really mad at me because he doesn’t want to see me or talk to me. It really hurts! Our friends told me to move on already but I do believe everything gonna be OK. I’m not gonna give up… I really love him… I want him back… Please help me!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 29, 2017 at 6:14 pm

      Hi Abe,

      Do you mean you’re not living together anymore? Are you going to do the no contact rule?

  33. Jessica

    July 22, 2017 at 2:37 am

    Ex broke up w me 1 month ago for a variety of his own needs, I’m not mad but we had begun building a life and stress overwhelmed him w job and an ex who he needed closure from. He calls every few days to tell me where he’s at emotionally. He knows I’m waiting for him. I have texted him a small handful of times despite his request I not. No begging or anything just “good luck at your meeting” type stuff. When he calls we talk 10 to 40 minutes.
    I need to not contact him. Last message I sent was this morning and it was kind of a shameless music video I thought might speak to him about his situations.

    Advice would be appreciated. He clearly told me and tells me I did nothing wrong and that it’s him and he “will be thinking about me” “will call me soon” “is getting closer to what he needed to do for himself”

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 2:42 pm

      Are you still in the no contact rule right now?

  34. Kayla

    July 9, 2017 at 11:21 pm

    Please help! So my boyfriend and I (we dated for 2 years) broke up about a month ago but two weeks ago me and him were texting and he was asking what we could do differently to make our relationship work and everything seemed okay we even hung out like we were dating. After hanging out with him for a day, out of the blue he just said that maybe it’s better if we just broke up.. a week later I ended up texting him because I missed him so much and he seemed very distant so instantly ended the conversation and now I am a week into no contact. I don’t know how he could change his mind about us so quickly.. one minute he was trying and the next he just gave up. It was also really confusing because he was talking to one of my best friends telling her that he loved and missed me.. I just don’t understand why he’s being like this. He’s my best friend and I really want this to work out…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 13, 2017 at 9:40 am

      Stick to atleast and be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

  35. Diane

    July 6, 2017 at 11:34 pm

    Hi
    My ex broke up with me a month ago. We had an argument about my being insecure about his ex and he said that everything he had been doing didn’t matter. We were incredibly close for a year. Up all night talking , we have a lot in common, best friends. And we don’t argue about anything else. Anyway we have lived together since January. He moved out and a week later started dating someone and two weeks ago- after dating her for two weeks- told me they were talking about him moving in. He was watching her two children while she worked. I was in shock! Who just meets someone and moves them in. He told me that he had never met anyone like her ever. For two weeks I harassed him I think I was in shock. I cried I said he never loved me Only thing I didn’t do was beg him to come back. When u called he always answered even tho he would often sound irritated n respond to my text Then ten days ago I started no contact. Yesterday I broke it but I text him he text right back and I responded and ended it there. He called today. I answered. We texted a bit until I stopped responding. Do I restart no contact? I think my confusion came when I was reading an article last night on being there when they are dating someone new. I wonder if my situation with him pretty much living with this girl will work with no contact. I mean how do I know it’s a rebound. Some people do fall in love at first sight

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2017 at 3:59 pm

      Yes, you should restart. If they met after the break up, she’s probably a rebound.

  36. Ellie Searles

    June 30, 2017 at 6:09 pm

    HI, So my ex and I broke up a week ago. It was his doing I am on day 5 of NC last night he purposefully showed up at the place he knew I was going to be. Today I am a mess. I don’t know if he was just doing it to mess with me, because he hasn’t texted me at all since we broke up. But I just want space because I want to get over him and I feel like he’s not respecting that… What else can I do especially when he purposefully goes to where i am again….

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2017 at 4:49 pm

      Hi ellie,

      What did you do when you saw him?

  37. Jane

    June 30, 2017 at 4:22 am

    Please HELP!!! I’m ten days into NC, my ex has been a tx gnat almost everyday of NC. He says he misses me but I’m not sure if he will want me back. I know he still loves me and the attraction never died between us but I’m scared he only wants me as a friend. What should I do? Do I continue NC to 30 or 21 days?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 30, 2017 at 4:45 pm

      Continue nc until 30 days

  38. Fred Seiter

    June 28, 2017 at 10:18 pm

    Awesome Awesome post, Janell! So well written and spot on advice