By Sarah Drees

I had this friend back in college. Her boyfriend at the time told her he needed space.

So, she did something that I thought was absolutely ludicrous at the time. She looked him dead in the eye and said,

“Okay. Have all the space you need.”

and walked away.

My jaw hit the floor when she told me.

“You did what?!”

Less than 36 hours after that she gets a call,

“Baby, I was wrong! Please don’t leave me!”

What was this magic she had spun?

Somehow, she had convinced the man who was clearly preparing to leave her that, instead, she was leaving him.

It was genius!

It was impossible!

Wasn’t it?

Well… obviously not.

If you’ve arrived at this article, I’m going to guess that you likely fall into one of the below categories:

  1. Your boyfriend asked you to give him space and you think he might break up with you
  2. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you gnatted him and then he asked for space
  3. You’re trying out or thinking about trying out the No Contact Rule and are afraid that if you give your ex-boyfriend space, that he might not come back

Fear not! We are going to tackle the art of giving him “space” in-depth so you will leave here feeling confident that giving your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend space is nowhere near as scary as it seems and you may even find that you enjoy having the space.

But first, let’s talk about a few things:

  • What it means to give someone space
  • Some of the reasons why a guy might ask for space in the first place
  • And what to do if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend asks for space

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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What is Space?

As I was preparing to write this article I literally wrote down on a piece of paper “What is Space?” This led me to several deeper thoughts such as “what is space,” “what is time,” “what is life.”

Wow, that got deep and scary fast. Once I got past those flashbacks from philosophy 101 and I was done questioning the meaning of my existence, I came up with the following:

Space is something that a person may need to disconnect and “refresh” in order to allow themselves to think about certain things and reflect upon something weighing on their mind.

I wrote the definitive eBook about giving people space, “The No Contact Rule Book.  Go pick up a copy!

More simply and bluntly put, he is looking to be left alone for a while.

For purposes of this article, we are going to roll with this understanding.

Before we move on, some of you are probably wondering “well, what if he didn’t say he needed space, but he said that he needed time? That is totally different right?” Well no, not really. For purposes of EBR and this article, think of a guy asking for space and a guy asking for time to be pretty much the same thing. He is looking to be left alone for a while.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Why Did He Ask For Space?

There are a number of specific reasons a guy may ask for space:

  • He’s really busy
  • He has a lot of stress from him family, school, work, etc. right now
  • He’s tired of arguing
  • He’s confused
  • He’s trying to regain control
  • etc.

The list really can go on and on and on. I would encourage you to try not and dwell on finding a specific reason why he may have asked for space, especially, if things seemed like they were going well before he asked for space. If you know why he asked for space because he told you; great! If not, try not to over-analyze it.

The important thing to understand, is that when guys get overwhelmed, they handle their emotions differently than women. As women, we tend to seek out friends and family for support or to vent to. Guys typically do not do this. Men are more likely to bottle things up inside.

Because of this, guys can carry around a lot on a daily basis. Extra emotions or a fight can be enough to cause a guy’s plate to overflow, causing him to try to remove or avoid something from his plate. In this case, if he’s asked for space, you are thing he is trying to remove.

Another thing that is important to understand about men is that they are naturally problem solvers. Men are more likely to retreat and want to “reappear” once they have come up with a solution. They don’t want to necessarily be seen as they are trying to work through things and come up with a solution.

What Should I Do If He Asks for Space?

Simple.

GIVE HIM SPACE.

Definitely give him space.

There are a number of more obvious reasons why giving him the space he has asked for makes the most sense, such as it is more respectful and the more mature thing to do.

However, I know that if you’ve arrived on this page, you probably already know this and so far, you are not convinced that giving him space will work and is the best thing to do. Everything in you is telling you to chase him.

You ask, “Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

So, let’s start by taking a moment to explore what your other option is: Don’t give him space and continue to reach out at a normal or higher rate.

If you are considering this, you may be doing so because you are worried that giving him space will prevent him from coming back. You may feel that reaching out to him as if everything is “normal” may make him realize that he is making a mistake asking for space. Or, you may feel the need to convince him that you two belong together and that you can talk through whatever the issue is and space is not necessary. You may be wanting to show him that your love can conquer whatever it is that made him think that space was the only way to handle it.

I want to make this point really clear… so, I’m going to underline it AND bold it….

Continuing to try to talk to him, text him, or chase after him after he has asked for space is only going to push him further away.

We even have a word here at EBR for continuing to pester someone with texts, calls, emails, and anything else and this is called “gnatting.”

You can read about it here, in “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”  when you’ve finished reading this article. Basically, it’s texting or calling excessively.

Is it gnatting even if I text him like I normally would… nothing more?

YES!

He’s asked you to give him space (a complete disconnect) and you are giving him more than he wants. It’s annoying.

You know when a fly or a gnat is buzzing around and you can’t seem to get it to go away? That is how your ex boyfriend feels when you keep trying to force him to connect when he doesn’t want to.

Please do not be a gnat. Our pros over at EBR will all tell you that gnatting will lower your chances of getting your ex to come back.

That’s right! Gnatting, not giving him space is what will hurt your chances of him coming back.

I polled 10 random guys today. I asked them the following question:

“Would you be more likely to want to get back with someone who

a) you asked for space from and this person gave it to you

or

b) you asked for space from and they texted and/or called you trying to “fix” the situation?”

The results are below:

a) 10 votes

b) 0 votes

That’s right! 100% of guys said that they would be more likely to want to get back together with the person that respected their request and gave them space!

Why Giving Him Space and the No Contact Rule is the Best Option

Giving him space and utilizing the No Contact Rule will allow your boyfriend or ex boyfriend the opportunity to “reset” any bad feelings that he may have towards you. If you haven’t broken up and your boyfriend says he needs space, he is probably feeling stressed or overwhelmed by something in the relationship. He may need time to retreat and come up with the solution, like we talked about at the top of this article.

If you have broken up and you gnatted causing your ex-boyfriend to ask for space, it is paramount that you give your ex-boyfriend space now and begin implementing the No Contact Rule.

So why not learn much more – Get Your Copy of My eBook The No Contact Rule Book

Anything else you do after he asks for space is really going to move you towards the “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend” territory and really, who wants to be her? NOT YOU!!!

In the meantime, focus on becoming ungettable and the best possible version of you.

If you are unsure what Ungettable means, here is a link to an article explaining the term. It is unique to the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, but the concept is pretty easy to follow.

A “Real Life” Example

Think about a dog for a minute.

Imagine that you are standing on an open road. You and the dog are looking directly at each other but there is some distance between you, say 10 feet. This may sound funny but I want you to take a moment and try to picture your ex-boyfriend as that dog. Now I want you to image that dog turning around and walking the other way… The dog is creating space between you and him, just like your ex boyfriend.

Now, your first instinct may be to panic, to run after the dog, or to call it back to you and maybe even offer it a treat. However, if you chase after the dog (your ex boyfriend), what is the dog likely to do? The dog is likely to run away further. The dog may even enjoy being chased by you. If you call the dog back to you and offer it a treat, it may or may not come but if it doesn’t the dog is going to know that walking away from you sure got your attention and he was rewarded, thus this will encourage the dog to do it again. You don’t want to go this route either.
So, if those options don’t work, let’s imagine what you should do. You’re back on the street and the dog is walking away from you. Imagine instead, that you stand there and do nothing. Or, better yet, you turn around and start walking the other way, away from the dog. Now, imagine that when the dog turns around to see if you are following him, he instead sees that you are out having the time of your life! Maybe you’re even giving his much beloved treats to another dog.

What do you think the dog is going to be inclined to do?

If you said come running back, you are right!

Now, let’s apply this example to ex. Your boyfriend asks for space. Instead of freaking out and chasing after him, you simply respect his space. In the meantime you go off and do some UG (Ungettable) things. When your ex boyfriend checks in on you (whether directly by texting you or indirectly through mutual friends or by looking at your social media) he will see that you are off having fun. Your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will be much MORE LIKELY to come back simply because you respected his space and even made the most of it and had a little fun for yourself!

Space isn’t sounding too bad anymore, is it?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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You Still Have Reservations?

Wow, you’re still not convinced, huh?

I could just tell you that giving him the space he asked for could not only turn out to be awesome, but that it could strengthen your bond with your ex.

I could tell you that it may even HELP your chances of him coming back!

I’m guessing that if you still are not convinced that you have some other concerns about giving your guy space, so let’s talk through some of the more common questions I see when giving girls advice on our EBR Support Group. 

Will Giving Him Space Make Him Fall Out of Love With Me?

No, we are talking about you giving him space for a short period of time (typically no more than your no contact period). People cannot fall out of love in a matter of weeks. Respecting his space will show maturity and independence which should only make you more attractive in his eyes.

What If He Meets Someone Else While I’m Giving Him Space?

Well, I don’t want to lie to you so it is possible that he could meet another girl while you are giving him space or in No Contact. However, it is highly likely that this person will be a rebound and it will be very short-lived. There are other methods EBR offers to help in these specific situations… so, don’t worry. It’s not hopeless.

How Long Should I Give Him Space For?

I have to admit, this is tricky to answer but I felt like this is probably a really common question so I wanted to take a stab although there is not a “one size fits all” answer here.

If you are still dating and your boyfriend had asked for space, I would recommend giving him space for at least a week or until he reaches out. If he does not respond positively to your reach out after 1 week, do not gnat but give him another week of space. Remember, in the meantime, try to have fun!

Now, if you are broken up you need to give your boyfriend space until your No Contact period is up. You may be thinking, “what if he reaches out before then; has he had enough space?” Stick to your No Contact period and follow the No Contact Rule Book.

Story Time….

Let me leave you with a story, you’ll never guess who it is about…

No really, guess.

Okay fine, I’ll tell you, it is about me! The year was 2008 and I was in my first real High School relationship.

I know. Everybody say it with me…

So this guy, let’s call him “A.”

A and I had a great relationship that moved really quickly. We were in “love” after three weeks of dating. I know, it’s laughable now but this has an important lesson that came with it…

After about two months of being on a romantic high, A completely blindsided me and asked for “space.”

We were not fighting, we were perfect. I thought I was going to marry him and have his babies. I’m completely joking… only kind of, but not really…

Anyway, after A asked for space, I remember thinking that I must show him that space would only pull us apart and lessen our love; that I should show him that I was willing to fight for him and that this would prove to him that we were meant to be together.

I totally gnatted him for a week.

If you are still unclear on what gnatting is, you can read more about it here.

What was the result? He broke up with me a week later. I cried, and cried, and cried. But I DID NOT CONTACT HIM. I inadvertently began no contact and guess what, two weeks later he was BEGGING for me back.

Moral of the story is this: once I finally gave A the space that he was looking for, he was able to realize how much he missed me and how much our relationship meant to him. He began to wonder what I was doing and wanted to talk to me. Give the guy space and show him what he is missing out on.

A Quick Recap

So, something I have found in working with Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that, if we don’t do some kind of recap at the end of an article, our readers tend to pick on point that I made and forget the rest of the article altogether.

So, let’s look at what we discussed today.

  1. When a person asks for space, they are wanting a disconnect from the person they are asking for space from. The want time alone.
  2. There are plenty of reasons that your ex could be asking for space. The important thing is not to get hung up on the “Why?
  3. If he is asking for space, the absolutely BEST option is to GIVE IT TO THEM. Most of the time people don’t know what they want and when they get it they almost instantly realize that it is not what they really wanted.
  4. Then we talked about the reasons you might doubt that this will work… Well, you’re wrong. 9 times out of 10 it will work.

I also try to hook you guys up with a video that can help you moving forward.

For this topic today I think that THIS video is the perfect one for those of you in this situation.

Alright So, I’m going to do one more thing for you today.

I know… she has more?!

You’re probably wondering,

“What did I ever do to deserve such gifts?”

Well, you just clicked on the right article today, my friend.

I am going to open up the comments below for discussion. I want to hear about your situation with your asking you for space.

From there we can discuss your next action.

  1. How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?
  2. Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
  3. What have you done since he asked for space?

What to Read Next

How To Get Your Ex To Initiate Contact With You

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Why Does My Ex Talk To Me And Then Ignore Me?

By Chris Seiter | 2 comments

How To Make Him Want You Back

By Chris Seiter | 2 comments

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593 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

  1. Avatar

    Radhika

    May 13, 2020 at 3:09 pm

    There were alot of fighting in our relation..me and my bf are dating since 7 months..
    He was tired of daily fights..because i usually et insecure due to my past heartbreak.. few days ago he said he need space and he also said that it is not a breakup nd he will be back after 4 days
    .
    I texted him after 4 days but he didnt responded well.
    He was still stressed..I thought that he just wanna leave me..I told him that if he wants to leave me he should be straight forward..it pissed him off..he said angrily that how many times he said that he is not going anywhere he just wants to change something about relation…and he said he will be back when he will be all set..he said I have made his life stressful and on the other hand he said he will come back after he will be set..
    And again went fir a space..
    Now it has been 3 days I didnt contact him and nor he did ..
    But I am still afraid that whether he will come or not..will he find someone else though he said he will not..
    Please help me..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 11:34 pm

      Hi Radhika, as you mentioned there was a lot of fighting in your relationship this is why I would suggest that you follow a 45 day No contact and then reach out using the information that is in the articles

  2. Avatar

    Deanna Preston

    May 11, 2020 at 2:52 am

    So Im stationed overseas and I went back home to Hawaii and met a guy through a high school friend. We instantly connected and spent my last two weeks of vacation there together. (Sleeping over, going on dates, holding hands etc.) He told me before he left he really likes me but he doesn’t do long distance relationships but he still wants to talk to me and get to know because he knows I would return in less than a year. So we continued talking for 2 more months after I left, face timing eachother morning and night and he was saying things like he doesnt want anyone else but me and hes happy to be working toward a relationship. Until, I started to get anxious. My flaw was that I was not giving him his space and I kept asking for more time and effort. Which he was in fact giving me, I just couldn’t control my emotions and I overreacted to an argument we had several times over the same thing by blocking him on social media. A few days later I unblocked him and then apologized saying I overreacted and it’s because I’m far away and I can’t control my emotions but I will work at moving at his place and give him his space. At this point he was done and he said he didn’t want a long distance relationship from the beginning so he said we can be friends or whatever but not what we were. He said we can continue where we left off when I get back to Hawaii. So I’m absolutely sad and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve lost him. But it’s hard that we went from talking so much everyday to him barely responding to my messages. Yet he still likes my photos on social media.

  3. Avatar

    Riley Cox

    May 8, 2020 at 8:27 pm

    My boyfriend and I are each other’s first relationship. We had been talking for about 2 months and gone on a few dates. Then a month ago he asked me to be his girlfriend. Anyways about three weeks later we said I love you (I realize now that was way too fast). The next week was full of some fun dates however one date was very off. When we kissed we both felt an off vibe and little did I know he started to question that. The next day he had a sleepover with three girls (his two best friends and another friend) and he thinks he might have caught feelings for another girl at the sleepover. He comes over to my house 2 days later and tells me all of this and asks for a break. He said that he still likes me and I am his dream girl which is why he is confused on why he may have a crush on another girl and doubt our relationship. He proceeds to say he thinks we moved too fast and whenever we hung out it was only about kissing not getting to know each other. He also says he thinks we facetimed too much. The main reason however is that he doesn’t think he was ready for a relationship. Later that night, he and i pray for guidance from God and our song turns on the radio, then perfect by ed sheeran, then Gods plans like hello! And i sadly started to cry. He then decided to comfort me and give me a hug and then lay on my stomach and say “this is so comfortable i don’t know how i went from wanting to break up with you to wanting to kiss you” and started to cry. He then kissed me and left, saying next time i’m here i’ll have my answer. His mom this whole
    time has been telling him to
    dump me as no high school relationship should be serious. I understand where she is coming from but i hope he listens to himself. i also think he may have caught feelings for that girl as they did face masks and baked and did stuff normal couples would do while he and i only focused on trying to sneak kisses because of the social distance guidelines. i have respected his space and not reached out but i am so confused! i just hope he doesn’t make a mistake and break up with me without fully realizing all the good memories we have had. after all, i’ve been crying for days straight since that night.

  4. Avatar

    Kate

    May 1, 2020 at 9:16 pm

    Hi so me and this guy had been going out for 6 weeks , when we meet we both said there was a instant connection and that we both hadn’t had that in a long time, we started seeing each other like everyday and the feelings grew stronger and stronger , we finally said we wanted to be in a relationship He was the one who asked me to be his girlfriend and said he never takes people to meet his family or friends unless it’s going to go somewhere , so I meet all his family and friends than when it hit 6 weeks I noticed he started to pull away and wasn’t as he was at the start so I msged him asking what was wrong. His response was I’m not in a good head space I’ve gone back to feeling numb . I asked if it was me and he said it’s got nothing to do with me that I made me happy at the start and not feel numb anymore but now he has gone back to feeling numb and that he needs to love himself before he can love someone else , so I did the whole trying to fight for him and reassuring him how special he is. He than would say he would come see me so talk about it in person but never show . He msged me one night saying he would come see me on the weekend that he needed to be alone and me give him space I didn’t reply straight away he than sent another one saying he would come see you Friday night ( which was the next night ) I finally replied with okay I will give you space just no I’m here for you” he than replied I no you are I will talk to you Friday after work”. I never replied as I am giving him what he wanted but he never came To see me or I haven’t heard from him it’s only Saturday now so it’s only been one day . But what I want to no is is six weeks to early for someone to come back like will he come back or is that his way of completely cutting me off

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 11:36 pm

      Hi Kate, the average success with this program is between 3 to 6 months so yes 6 weeks is too soon. You need to first complete your No Contact for 30 days and then reach out starting the texting phase. During your No contact you need to work on your Holy trinity so that you are at your best self when you are speaking to your ex again

  5. Avatar

    Much

    April 29, 2020 at 10:25 pm

    I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years, we have started fighting heaps and I feel like it’s my fault for being insecure and nagging he came to see me and said he was over it and wanted a break so I agreed and said you do what you need to do. It’s almost been two weeks of our break and I’m going crazy. I’m scared he is going to break it off with me what do I do

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 1, 2020 at 9:39 pm

      Hi Much, so if you feel that you are insecure then you have given yourself something to work on during your No Contact, and going forward. Focus on your Holy Trinity, with your insecurities in mind. Then reach out after 30 days of NC

  6. Avatar

    Ashley

    April 29, 2020 at 12:04 pm

    Hi

    I was with my boyfriend 7 months I moved away to be with him lived together got a job there he dumped me 2 weeks ago and I want him back. I’ve tried contacting him to talk but he’s in hospital I asked can he talk when he’s home and I don’t get a response this is the first day NC have I got a chance of getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 3:25 pm

      Hi Ashley, I would complete your NC but if he is unwell in hospital then it is likely you wont hear from him while hes sick anyway. Hope you are keeping safe and well too

  7. Avatar

    Sara

    April 28, 2020 at 4:35 pm

    Hello,
    So in November my boyfriend lost his father. He has been sad about it but when we hang out I usually have fun things planned to help keep his mind off of it and keep him happy. Now that there is a pandemic and everyone needs to stay at home. Instead of us being together, I am at my parents house and he is at his moms house. Since I still have to go into work I am not able to stay at his moms because of that. My parents said that he could come stay at our house for the quarantine but he has had a sore throat for awhile and might be uncomfortable staying at my house during the week while I am at work, even though he has work to do on his own. I was kind of a pain when he was sick because I want him to come over and help him get better. We finally came up with a plan that he would come to my house no matter what last weekend. The weekend before that I drove to his moms house and we played outdoor games. It was fun but also kind of a weird vibe. Once I got home we both agreed that something was weird and I told him that I wanted to feel more loved. Because I didn’t see him for a month and he didn’t seem that excited to see me, just like 2 friends hanging out. So he got upset that I said that and said that I deserve someone who shows emotions and treats me better. He doesnt treat me bad, he has just had a lot of change in his life recently. I think that he is depressed and he said that he needs time to clear his head. I am really trying to give him space and narrowed it down to just a quick phone call before bed to say goodnight, but I think I am going to stop doing that too until he talks to me first. I am just put in a weird situation because I do not know what it is like to lose a parent. I also have work everyday so I get to get out of the house and see people while he is still stuck at his moms house. I am really going to not talk to him until he talks to me first and I am going to give him 2 weeks until I bring it up to him. Its just really hard not talking to your best friend all day and trying to keep your mind occupied. He has a job in wisconsin but since he got sent home he is at his moms house in illinois. Our plan was for me to find a job in wisconsin and once I did we could move in together and start our own life up there. Its really bad timing because I have a job interveiw in wisconsin next week and it is hard to be excited for it because I do not even know if he still wants to be with me. I am just losing my mind and I am worried about him but I cant talk to him at the moment because that is what he wants.

  8. Avatar

    Clare

    April 27, 2020 at 4:43 am

    My ex and I dated for 3.5 years, and broke up just shy of 3 months ago. He said he knew I’d be a great wife and mother, he just wasn’t sure he wanted that with me. When we last spoke he even mentioned that he just didn’t want to be with me. Since the day he broke up with me I haven’t contacted him, it’s been complete radio silence on both ends. He looks at my social media pages, but I don’t look at his. I even deleted my Instagram and Facebook so I wouldn’t be tempted. How much time is too much time? How will I know if we’d get back together or not? Please help, I love him so much and miss him a lot 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 2, 2020 at 1:25 pm

      Hi Clare, you need to start and complete your No Contact for at least 30 days and then work on your Holy Trinity during that time. I understand the uncertainty is hard but you need to focus on yourself and your healing during this time and then you start the texting phase, reading as many articles that apply to your situation is going to help you along the way too

  9. Avatar

    Valentina

    April 24, 2020 at 10:51 am

    Hi,
    I’ve been seeing this guy for 4 months now. We started off as casual and things developed really well. We didn’t have ‘ the conversation’ because we both felt like we knew where this is going. Then about a week ago he mentions that he needs some space – a few days space, as he is trying to cope with emotions from a bad breakup back in December. He said that he thought things were going well and he’s really sorry that he’s been unfair to me and wants to use this time to see how he is and wants to be sure that he is able to be committed to us. He said he doesn’t want to make any big decisions yet but just wants to see how this time goes. He said he needs a few days but it’s been a week now and I still haven’t heard from him. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 8:42 pm

      Hi Valentina, I would allow him the space he needs and I would set it to a 30 day NC where you focus on yourself and your Holy Trinity

  10. Avatar

    Ashley

    April 24, 2020 at 1:08 am

    Hey, so my bf asked me for space and i still continued to text him and he lashed out and said Alright, I told u to give me my space , now I’m taking it. You dont listen then he blocked me …
    Was that a breakup or hes just taking space his own way ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 1:09 pm

      Hi Ashley so this is him taking the space because you did not allow it or respect his need for it. I would suggest that you do not attempt to contact him for 45 days at all, and then start texting phase like Chris suggests in his articles

  11. Avatar

    Angelique

    April 24, 2020 at 12:49 am

    Hi, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about three months when he told me he needed some space. We had our first big argument over him being busy during the day fixing his truck. Which he’s been having for two years now, but he’s fixing it up since someone hit his vehicle at a meet. Anyways, lately, he hasn’t been texting, and if he does, it’s only early in the morning or late at night. We argued over him not texting me for a long time, and I told him all I wanted him to do was at least text me letting me know he’s busy. Because when he does that, it makes me think differently over the situation. But anyhow, he was upset and asked for some space. We haven’t broken up; just he asked for space. It’s weird, though, because I did exactly what you said not to do, which is text him. When I texted him last night, his best friend, who is a girl, answered his text messages. She was texting me and even texted me today morning saying I hurt him and that he needed space. However, she had told me that she stayed over at his house since he was pretty beat up about the situation. I honestly don’t know what’s going on between them, but what I do know is she’s the one he lost his virginity too. So I don’t know what to do at this point.

  12. Avatar

    Kendall

    April 21, 2020 at 3:00 pm

    Here goes nothing. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years, we moved in together this past October and last Wednesday he told me he doesn’t know who he is, what he wants or why he is unhappy. He advised it has nothing to do with me, he loves me, he’s in love with me but he just needs space right now to figure out what he wants. I know this has nothing to do with me, of course we have our arguments all couples do but I know he’s aware it’s nothing we can’t work through. He said he’s never been alone, since highschool he’s just been from one relationship to the next never really having time to focus on himself. He is a recovered addict so I feel like this is also easier for him to push me away than to try and resolve things and it also makes sense he is newly almost 2 years sober so that’s also a large life adjustment. His whole family and my whole family see our love and told him all relationships are hard and take work but we’re so amazing together he can’t let me go etc etc. He told me I am perfect, loving, caring, thoughtful and kind and anyone would be an idiot not to marry me.. it’s so hard to hear those things when we’re still in love and I want him to be the one I marry. I’m respectful and giving him his space. I have moved back in with my mother for the next 2 weeks while he is taking care of my dog since she’s unable to come with me. After the 2 weeks is up I’ll be staying with my friends until I can find an apartment. He doesn’t want to see me cause he knows it will make things so much harder. He’s admitted he doesn’t know if he’s making the right choice but he says he feels like this is just what he needs to do right now and it kills him to hurt me. I know he has something going on and all I can do is give him his space however long he may need. But the thought of moving out completely and getting a new apartment is scary. His mom and my mom tell me they think he will realize he is making a mistake and I hope that’s the case unless this is truly what makes him happy. I love him more than anything and his happiness means more to me than anything. I just pray he realizes how great we our and how amazing and irreplaceable our love is. I’ve done my best to just stay off social media and really take this time to focus on myself. I’m scared in 2 weeks or a month from now he will feel like this is the best thing for him and he won’t want to be with me anymore. It’s like pingpong back and forth in my head, as much as I want to be with him and I want us to work this out and have this just be part of our love story I’m scared that won’t be the case. There is so much uncertainty I’m just praying this time without me will make him realize how special what we have is and how even though he’s going through something right now it’s nothing he can’t tackle with me by his side. I’ve pasted the stage of blaming myself, I know this isn’t my fault and I know that he is aware of how I feel and that’s all I can do is now back up and let him think and process things. I wish he felt different, I wish he could see the love that everyone else does. Everyone is so shocked this is happening to us right now and I am totally shocked as well but I just pray we make it out of this together and stronger than ever. I hope he takes this time to really be alone with his thoughts and process what it would be like without one another in our lives. It’s so hard to listen to someone say their in love with you but they don’t know what they want or who they are and they just need to be alone right now. The not knowing how long this will last or what the outcome will be is the most crippling anxiety. One second I’m okay and I’m leaving this up to a higher power to just workout whatever is meant to be but the next second I’m like ugh god I just don’t want this to end. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through especially the uncertainty lingering over my head.

  13. Avatar

    Ali Brown

    April 20, 2020 at 8:34 am

    Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and the past few months and particularly during quarantine (we are isolating alone and apart in our own houses) I have been causing arguments with him a lot and jumping to and assuming the worst possible case scenario in any given situation. For example he wanted to have a beer with his friends over video call on the same night that we arranged to have dinner over video call. He wanted to do both and I jumped down his throat and accused him of fobbing me off for his friends after dinner.

    He has since asked for space and time and said he is not sure if he can carry on anymore because he is beginning to think badly of himself. He said he needs to prioritise his physical and mental health. Things have ended but we are still talking generally throughout the day, everyday. What shall I do? I want to get back together and I am speaking to a therapist about any anger and stress issues because I think that is the root cause of my behaviour.

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    Victoria B

    April 19, 2020 at 12:52 pm

    Hi, My bf and I got into an argument on Friday night (we have been fighting a lot lately).During the argument he told me he was going to Visit his parents who live six hours away, that he needed space and time to think. He told me that I needed to pack a bag and find somewhere else to stay until Sunday (I live with him and his roommate). He told me I could not stay in the apartment while he was not there. I was totally hurt by this, It felt like I was just being thrown out on the streets. But I respected his wishes packed a bag and left. Before leaving He said he would give me a call on Sunday to let me know when he was back in town to either talk and work it out or for me to pick up the rest of my things. I decided that I would not contact him at all while he was visiting his parents, respect his space. Well he ended up texting me accusing me of sleeping around later that night .Which is not true. I ignored his texts. I didn’t understand how he could accuse me of this when he was the one who wanted to distance himself from me. The following day he text me again asking what I was doing. I responded to that one but kept it short. I tried not to reply but I do want him back. He replied with telling me I’m cute and sending a kissy face emoji. Im confused he asks for space but then texts me? I decided to stop replying. My curiosity got the best off me and I looked at his social media and saw that he had removed our dating status off social media. I know it’s only social media but there are just so many mixed signals. It’s been a very emotionally draining past few days I don’t know what’s going to happen, what he’s thinking.Are we going to work it out and be okay or is It over and I now need to find a place to live? I’m honestly preparing myself for the worst. I feel like he is going to end things for good. I know he has a lot going on right now we both do. We are always around one another do to this quarantine, he has a lot of pressure from his parents to find a good job/career right after he graduates in May. We both aren’t working so money is tight, worrying about paying rent. And he had just asked me two move in about 2 weeks before this quarantine, so officially living together is kind of new to us. He is a very social person and he is not handling being stuck at home very well. I mean we both aren’t. It’s been tough. I don’t want things to end, I do want to talk and try to fix this. But I’m worried that he is just going to shut me out and I’ll just end up pushing him even further away.

  15. Avatar

    Hally

    April 17, 2020 at 8:32 am

    Hi, my boyfriend and I had been going out for exactly 4.5 years when he told me that he needed a break. He said that he was super stressed with school and family stuff and thought that it wouldn’t be fair to me if we continued the relationship while he was under so much stress. It was a huge shock to me because I had no idea he felt this way but I love him more than anything so I agreed to give him space. He kept reassuring that it has nothing to do with me and that this was not a break up and he kept saying “a short break”. He said that we could still talk and agreed that we would both be there for each other if we needed each other.Well it’s been 8 months since our so called break and there are
    no signs that he wants to get back together. He has deleted all of the pics of us on his social media And I hardly hear from him. In the beginning he would reach out and text me weekly and I even hung out with him alone 5 months ago but just as friends. Ever since that he hardly texted me and when he does I can tell that it’s not the same as it used to be. He never asks me how I’m doing all of our conversations are based around him. It’s so strange for me to see this side of him because throughout our entire relationship he made me feel so incredibly special. He’s the sweetest most loving man I have ever known and he always put me before anything. He had told me that he has wanted a future with me and we talked about marriage and what our kids names would be and what our house would looks like. Literally EVERYTHING! And now ever since this break and I am so beyond confused because he’s a totally different person. It’s been over a month since the last time we texted(he texted me on my birthday) and I’m trying extremely hard not to contact him first anymore. But I really don’t know what to do at this point. I feel so lost and I have cried every day since our break 8 months ago. I really feel like he is the person I’m supposed to be with but I am so beyond confused. Any advice will help!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Hally if you want to get back with this ex then you need to start the texting phase to try and get him investing into you again. I would take it as you are broken up not on a break as it has been such a long time. It is is now important for you to work up the value ladder and getting him talking to you, phone calls and skying. This is going to take time but it can work if you are patient

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    Anne

    April 17, 2020 at 7:50 am

    Hi, Just an overview of our relationship, I met him online. Since we’re in a long distance relationship, we chatted and did video calls non stop eversince we met. On our 6th month together he proposed to me. We were so happy and inlove until he got his new job. It’s tax season so it’s really a busy season for him. He doesn’t have any experience with tax so he is really struggling with work. He said he’s always stressed and worried. Specially now because of the epidemic. So eversince he got that job we started to talk less. And everytime we talk, he gets irritated easily and I can’t seem to get on his good side anymore. After an argument, he asked for some time alone (a week). It was so hard for me to give him space, until he told me that he wants to break up and hung up on me. The next day I sent him a text asking if it’s really over. Then we talked and he said that he just really need some time alone because he is too stressed with work and I was adding to the stress. I was so upset because it only started when he got his new job. Then he told me if i can’t give him some time alone, we can just break up. I was so sad because we recently got engaged and he was already giving up our relationship. I told him that i don’t wanna break up and i will give him some time. But i am so worried that he’s only taking sometime to break up with me. What should i do? I never texted him or called him after telling him I’d give him some time. I’m worried that he’s gonna break up with me after that “some time alone”.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2020 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Anne, leaving him alone is the best thing when someone asks for time or space. Showing that you respect that. If they then end the relationship after that space then you follow the rules of NC. It is up to you how long you are willing to wait – be it a week or a month of space. But I would set a deadline in your own mind when you are going to accept that the relationship is over and its time to start your NC period

  17. Avatar

    Kristina

    April 16, 2020 at 11:04 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and have been doing long distance (I live in New York and he lives in Florida). Everything was so amazing and going great. I last saw him two weeks ago and everything was good, until a week after I came back home. I noticed he started acting different towards me and not Really wanting to make plans to see each other again. Once I noticed he was being distant, I started panicking and being a little excessive. I finally told him I was feeling as if he didn’t want to see me or had no Interest in me anymore and he began tell me that he’s unsure and confused about our relationship. He made it clear that he still loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but at the same time he’s not sure if we should end things because he’s having trouble thinking about a future with me. It was so sudden, but he did just start a company and move so I’m not sure if that’s effecting him to feel this way. I asked him if he wanted to break up but it doesn’t seem like he wants to and kept reassuring me that he loves me but doesn’t feel like he has been the best boyfriend. I offered to give him space, which he agreed to, Hoping it will make him realize he does want to continue and fix the relationship. but I’m Also scared that giving him space may not Change his second thoughts. What is your opinion?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 7:19 pm

      Hi Kristina, I know the thought of giving them space is scary and makes you think that it is going to push them away but it doesn’t if you do it correctly it gives them a chance to miss you want to talk to you. So make sure you stick to a NC

  18. Avatar

    A

    April 15, 2020 at 11:51 am

    Hi my ex said he feels like he’s been forcing things and he’s always the one to message me and that I haven’t been giving him enough attention or been affectionate and has asked for space for a month to see how he feels. It’s hard during quarantine because I haven’t seen him for a month and after he cheated on me I felt like I’m not good enough for him and that he’s attracted to other women and will cheat again, we had been constantly arguing after this happened. As he said he needed space and to focus on himself, I have decided to give him his space but I don’t know if I’ll ever get him back. I feel like I have lost a huge part of my life even after he cheated I still love him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 23, 2020 at 4:00 pm

      Hi there A, so the issue I have with what you are asking – why is he good enough for you. Hes cheating you should be looking at this from the other side. The arguing and the issues in the relationship do not justify him cheating, or to cheat again. You need to take some time in NC where you are realising your own self worth. Work on your Holy Trinity and focus on being Ungettable.

  19. Avatar

    Stacey

    April 15, 2020 at 1:23 am

    So I’ve been in the same boat, my fiancé asked me for a few days space as we’d been arguing over such ridiculous things for a few days prior and he has been getting really depressed for weeks .. he just wouldn’t open up to me but would open up to another female friend about our relationship.. and yes I tried to give him the space but I also did gnatted him for the first few days.. it’s been 2 weeks since I’ve seen him.. and I’ve tried so damn hard not to contact him plus he’s been disappearing to his friends house etc maybe that’s to avoid “our new home”. I just miss him so much, to the point I’m crying myself to sleep at night wondering how it went so wrong.. I don’t even know how he feels about me anymore.. what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 23, 2020 at 3:51 pm

      Hi Stacey, I would allow him space still but I would also set a deadline in your mind as to how long you are willing to wait for him to decide what he wants, you cant wait forever. Limited NC is allowed where you reply to him if he reaches out but I would try not to check in on him in that time showing him you are respecting his request for space

  20. Avatar

    Taylor green

    April 11, 2020 at 5:41 pm

    Hi, In my relationship my boyfriend said that he needed to “do this alone for now”. Does that means he needs space or time? I’ve been with him for 5 years. I met him online playing video games. “Long distance”. The mistake I did was for 2 days or maybe 3. I didn’t text or call him for a full day. I mean I was texting him but it was like 3 texts then more hours past. When I got home I tried to finish texting him. The 3rd day. And that’s when it started. What I was doing I was trying to find people to socialize with. He’s been helping me trying to become a better person and said I needed to start socializing. And finding friends. Trying to get better at Calling people instead texting. Because texting people is boring lol

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 11, 2020 at 11:18 pm

      Hi Taylor if your guy has said he needs to be alone then I would take this as he needs you to leave him alone for some time, this is hard but it gives you a chance to get chatting to others and work on your social skills if this is an issue for you. I would start hanging out with people you work with rather than going straight home. Try creating friendships in person

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