By Sarah Drees

I had this friend back in college. Her boyfriend at the time told her he needed space.

So, she did something that I thought was absolutely ludicrous at the time. She looked him dead in the eye and said,

“Okay. Have all the space you need.”

and walked away.

My jaw hit the floor when she told me.

“You did what?!”

Less than 36 hours after that she gets a call,

“Baby, I was wrong! Please don’t leave me!”

What was this magic she had spun?

Somehow, she had convinced the man who was clearly preparing to leave her that, instead, she was leaving him.

It was genius!

It was impossible!

Wasn’t it?

Well… obviously not.

If you’ve arrived at this article, I’m going to guess that you likely fall into one of the below categories:

  1. Your boyfriend asked you to give him space and you think he might break up with you
  2. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you gnatted him and then he asked for space
  3. You’re trying out or thinking about trying out the No Contact Rule and are afraid that if you give your ex-boyfriend space, that he might not come back

Fear not! We are going to tackle the art of giving him “space” in-depth so you will leave here feeling confident that giving your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend space is nowhere near as scary as it seems and you may even find that you enjoy having the space.

But first, let’s talk about a few things:

  • What it means to give someone space
  • Some of the reasons why a guy might ask for space in the first place
  • And what to do if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend asks for space

What is Space?

As I was preparing to write this article I literally wrote down on a piece of paper “What is Space?” This led me to several deeper thoughts such as “what is space,” “what is time,” “what is life.”

Wow, that got deep and scary fast. Once I got past those flashbacks from philosophy 101 and I was done questioning the meaning of my existence, I came up with the following:

Space is something that a person may need to disconnect and “refresh” in order to allow themselves to think about certain things and reflect upon something weighing on their mind.

I wrote the definitive eBook about giving people space, “The No Contact Rule Book.  Go pick up a copy!

More simply and bluntly put, he is looking to be left alone for a while.

For purposes of this article, we are going to roll with this understanding.

Before we move on, some of you are probably wondering “well, what if he didn’t say he needed space, but he said that he needed time? That is totally different right?” Well no, not really. For purposes of EBR and this article, think of a guy asking for space and a guy asking for time to be pretty much the same thing. He is looking to be left alone for a while.

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Why Did He Ask For Space?

There are a number of specific reasons a guy may ask for space:

  • He’s really busy
  • He has a lot of stress from him family, school, work, etc. right now
  • He’s tired of arguing
  • He’s confused
  • He’s trying to regain control
  • etc.

The list really can go on and on and on. I would encourage you to try not and dwell on finding a specific reason why he may have asked for space, especially, if things seemed like they were going well before he asked for space. If you know why he asked for space because he told you; great! If not, try not to over-analyze it.

The important thing to understand, is that when guys get overwhelmed, they handle their emotions differently than women. As women, we tend to seek out friends and family for support or to vent to. Guys typically do not do this. Men are more likely to bottle things up inside.

Because of this, guys can carry around a lot on a daily basis. Extra emotions or a fight can be enough to cause a guy’s plate to overflow, causing him to try to remove or avoid something from his plate. In this case, if he’s asked for space, you are thing he is trying to remove.

Another thing that is important to understand about men is that they are naturally problem solvers. Men are more likely to retreat and want to “reappear” once they have come up with a solution. They don’t want to necessarily be seen as they are trying to work through things and come up with a solution.

What Should I Do If He Asks for Space?



Definitely give him space.

There are a number of more obvious reasons why giving him the space he has asked for makes the most sense, such as it is more respectful and the more mature thing to do.

However, I know that if you’ve arrived on this page, you probably already know this and so far, you are not convinced that giving him space will work and is the best thing to do. Everything in you is telling you to chase him.

You ask, “Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

So, let’s start by taking a moment to explore what your other option is: Don’t give him space and continue to reach out at a normal or higher rate.

If you are considering this, you may be doing so because you are worried that giving him space will prevent him from coming back. You may feel that reaching out to him as if everything is “normal” may make him realize that he is making a mistake asking for space. Or, you may feel the need to convince him that you two belong together and that you can talk through whatever the issue is and space is not necessary. You may be wanting to show him that your love can conquer whatever it is that made him think that space was the only way to handle it.

I want to make this point really clear… so, I’m going to underline it AND bold it….

Continuing to try to talk to him, text him, or chase after him after he has asked for space is only going to push him further away.

We even have a word here at EBR for continuing to pester someone with texts, calls, emails, and anything else and this is called “gnatting.”

You can read about it here, in “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”  when you’ve finished reading this article. Basically, it’s texting or calling excessively.

Is it gnatting even if I text him like I normally would… nothing more?


He’s asked you to give him space (a complete disconnect) and you are giving him more than he wants. It’s annoying.

You know when a fly or a gnat is buzzing around and you can’t seem to get it to go away? That is how your ex boyfriend feels when you keep trying to force him to connect when he doesn’t want to.

Please do not be a gnat. Our pros over at EBR will all tell you that gnatting will lower your chances of getting your ex to come back.

That’s right! Gnatting, not giving him space is what will hurt your chances of him coming back.

I polled 10 random guys today. I asked them the following question:

“Would you be more likely to want to get back with someone who

a) you asked for space from and this person gave it to you


b) you asked for space from and they texted and/or called you trying to “fix” the situation?”

The results are below:

a) 10 votes

b) 0 votes

That’s right! 100% of guys said that they would be more likely to want to get back together with the person that respected their request and gave them space!

Why Giving Him Space and the No Contact Rule is the Best Option

Giving him space and utilizing the No Contact Rule will allow your boyfriend or ex boyfriend the opportunity to “reset” any bad feelings that he may have towards you. If you haven’t broken up and your boyfriend says he needs space, he is probably feeling stressed or overwhelmed by something in the relationship. He may need time to retreat and come up with the solution, like we talked about at the top of this article.

If you have broken up and you gnatted causing your ex-boyfriend to ask for space, it is paramount that you give your ex-boyfriend space now and begin implementing the No Contact Rule.

So why not learn much more – Get Your Copy of My eBook The No Contact Rule Book

Anything else you do after he asks for space is really going to move you towards the “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend” territory and really, who wants to be her? NOT YOU!!!

In the meantime, focus on becoming ungettable and the best possible version of you.

If you are unsure what Ungettable means, here is a link to an article explaining the term. It is unique to the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, but the concept is pretty easy to follow.

A “Real Life” Example

Think about a dog for a minute.

Imagine that you are standing on an open road. You and the dog are looking directly at each other but there is some distance between you, say 10 feet. This may sound funny but I want you to take a moment and try to picture your ex-boyfriend as that dog. Now I want you to image that dog turning around and walking the other way… The dog is creating space between you and him, just like your ex boyfriend.

Now, your first instinct may be to panic, to run after the dog, or to call it back to you and maybe even offer it a treat. However, if you chase after the dog (your ex boyfriend), what is the dog likely to do? The dog is likely to run away further. The dog may even enjoy being chased by you. If you call the dog back to you and offer it a treat, it may or may not come but if it doesn’t the dog is going to know that walking away from you sure got your attention and he was rewarded, thus this will encourage the dog to do it again. You don’t want to go this route either.
So, if those options don’t work, let’s imagine what you should do. You’re back on the street and the dog is walking away from you. Imagine instead, that you stand there and do nothing. Or, better yet, you turn around and start walking the other way, away from the dog. Now, imagine that when the dog turns around to see if you are following him, he instead sees that you are out having the time of your life! Maybe you’re even giving his much beloved treats to another dog.

What do you think the dog is going to be inclined to do?

If you said come running back, you are right!

Now, let’s apply this example to ex. Your boyfriend asks for space. Instead of freaking out and chasing after him, you simply respect his space. In the meantime you go off and do some UG (Ungettable) things. When your ex boyfriend checks in on you (whether directly by texting you or indirectly through mutual friends or by looking at your social media) he will see that you are off having fun. Your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will be much MORE LIKELY to come back simply because you respected his space and even made the most of it and had a little fun for yourself!

Space isn’t sounding too bad anymore, is it?

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You Still Have Reservations?

Wow, you’re still not convinced, huh?

I could just tell you that giving him the space he asked for could not only turn out to be awesome, but that it could strengthen your bond with your ex.

I could tell you that it may even HELP your chances of him coming back!

I’m guessing that if you still are not convinced that you have some other concerns about giving your guy space, so let’s talk through some of the more common questions I see when giving girls advice on our EBR Support Group. 

Will Giving Him Space Make Him Fall Out of Love With Me?

No, we are talking about you giving him space for a short period of time (typically no more than your no contact period). People cannot fall out of love in a matter of weeks. Respecting his space will show maturity and independence which should only make you more attractive in his eyes.

What If He Meets Someone Else While I’m Giving Him Space?

Well, I don’t want to lie to you so it is possible that he could meet another girl while you are giving him space or in No Contact. However, it is highly likely that this person will be a rebound and it will be very short-lived. There are other methods EBR offers to help in these specific situations… so, don’t worry. It’s not hopeless.

How Long Should I Give Him Space For?

I have to admit, this is tricky to answer but I felt like this is probably a really common question so I wanted to take a stab although there is not a “one size fits all” answer here.

If you are still dating and your boyfriend had asked for space, I would recommend giving him space for at least a week or until he reaches out. If he does not respond positively to your reach out after 1 week, do not gnat but give him another week of space. Remember, in the meantime, try to have fun!

Now, if you are broken up you need to give your boyfriend space until your No Contact period is up. You may be thinking, “what if he reaches out before then; has he had enough space?” Stick to your No Contact period and follow the No Contact Rule Book.

Story Time….

Let me leave you with a story, you’ll never guess who it is about…

No really, guess.

Okay fine, I’ll tell you, it is about me! The year was 2008 and I was in my first real High School relationship.

I know. Everybody say it with me…

So this guy, let’s call him “A.”

A and I had a great relationship that moved really quickly. We were in “love” after three weeks of dating. I know, it’s laughable now but this has an important lesson that came with it…

After about two months of being on a romantic high, A completely blindsided me and asked for “space.”

We were not fighting, we were perfect. I thought I was going to marry him and have his babies. I’m completely joking… only kind of, but not really…

Anyway, after A asked for space, I remember thinking that I must show him that space would only pull us apart and lessen our love; that I should show him that I was willing to fight for him and that this would prove to him that we were meant to be together.

I totally gnatted him for a week.

If you are still unclear on what gnatting is, you can read more about it here.

What was the result? He broke up with me a week later. I cried, and cried, and cried. But I DID NOT CONTACT HIM. I inadvertently began no contact and guess what, two weeks later he was BEGGING for me back.

Moral of the story is this: once I finally gave A the space that he was looking for, he was able to realize how much he missed me and how much our relationship meant to him. He began to wonder what I was doing and wanted to talk to me. Give the guy space and show him what he is missing out on.

A Quick Recap

So, something I have found in working with Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that, if we don’t do some kind of recap at the end of an article, our readers tend to pick on point that I made and forget the rest of the article altogether.

So, let’s look at what we discussed today.

  1. When a person asks for space, they are wanting a disconnect from the person they are asking for space from. The want time alone.
  2. There are plenty of reasons that your ex could be asking for space. The important thing is not to get hung up on the “Why?
  3. If he is asking for space, the absolutely BEST option is to GIVE IT TO THEM. Most of the time people don’t know what they want and when they get it they almost instantly realize that it is not what they really wanted.
  4. Then we talked about the reasons you might doubt that this will work… Well, you’re wrong. 9 times out of 10 it will work.

I also try to hook you guys up with a video that can help you moving forward.

For this topic today I think that THIS video is the perfect one for those of you in this situation.

Alright So, I’m going to do one more thing for you today.

I know… she has more?!

You’re probably wondering,

“What did I ever do to deserve such gifts?”

Well, you just clicked on the right article today, my friend.

I am going to open up the comments below for discussion. I want to hear about your situation with your asking you for space.

From there we can discuss your next action.

  1. How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?
  2. Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
  3. What have you done since he asked for space?

391 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

  1. Avatar


    April 9, 2019 at 4:33 am

    *How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?* He didn’t. We’ve only been an exclusive couple for two weeks, and the first ten days he was 100% ON. He came on really strong. Then he gradually reduced his contact over a few days and then one day just didn’t talk to me at all for 24 hours. The next day he got back in touch and wanted to postpone a planned date. He never came out and said he wanted space – he made me figure it out for myself. I know we haven’t been dating all that long but we’re in our 30s. Too old for that crap. It shouldn’t be that hard to come out and say “hey I need space.” The way he handled it scans as fishy and it damaged what trust in him I had developed.

    *Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?* He says he’s still here, just really tired. But I find myself feeling somewhere between hurt, angry, and numb, and I worry that by the time he’s had “enough” space, I will have lost interest.

    *What have you done since he asked for space?* Haven’t contacted him at all. He’s still a Facebook friend but honestly it hurts seeing him post things when he’s refusing to talk to me at all, so I’ve hidden him from my news feed.

  2. Avatar


    April 7, 2019 at 9:19 am

    Hi, I have been dating this guy for 7 months now. He is a very busy guy and have lots of stress at his work but we managed to get weekends together and then recently he never contact me for two days so I keep texting how he is until we argued as he said he was so busy and stress and tired and then he ask for space. he also said that he knows he would regret it but he cant give what he dont have. I was so sad about it but I send him a message that I am giving him now his space and then after 3 days he text back and say “thank you”. I havent replied to him yet as I was using the no contact rule to give him space. Should I reply or should I wait to text him after my no contact rule period is over. I am giving him 30 days and if he dont contact me I will be moving on from him.

  3. Avatar


    April 7, 2019 at 5:29 am

    Hi Chris. My ex and I have met online and have been in a long distance relationship for 4 1/2 years. He has been here 3 times I have been there 3 times. We were friends before that for awhile. I lied to him about something totally stupid but I didnt know it would go like it did. After awhile when feels gs came into play it was hard. He ended up finding out. I admitted it apologized cried and asked for forgiveness told him it would never happen again. That was 2 years ago. Since then he has brought it up and gotten angry with every issue. He stopped seeing me 2 years ago which brought more issues. 2 mos ago he blocked me. I did the 30 day no contact. I called him on another number and we talk from time to time. He has told me he still loves me and to give him time and that if he took me back now he wouldnt be 100% into it. I asked him how much more time he said he didnt know. He said he has been working on himself but needs more time. He reached out to my daughters 2 days ago after not speaking to them through this neither (they use to talk alot). He has told me theres no other woman and it’s not that hes trying to lose feelings and walk away that he truly needs time. I ts him I would give it to him asked if I could call once a week he said yes. How much longer should I give him and what are the chances of him coming back? What advice would you have? I love him beyond believe. He has been my inspiration for so much change in my life. Still working on me daily.

  4. Avatar


    April 7, 2019 at 1:07 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago. I did this because I felt like “less loved” by him than I did at the beginning of the relationship. I felt like I was just a meesely tug boat in his fleet of yaughts (he is a very social guy with lots of great people around him that look up to him, they call him “The Mayor” or “Dad”.)

    I told him that I felt like he was responding to my affection and appearing annoyed, and he had never done this before.

    When I broke up with him I emphasized that I vauled not only my happiness, but his as well. I wanted ther best for the both of us so I cowardly told him that this wasn’t working and that I wish him the best. In the back of my mind I told myself that we still had a chance and maybe this would make him realize that he needed to step his game up, which is sick and evil, I know.

    I reached out to him not even 6 hours after, telling him I didn’t like how things ended and how I want to talk tomorrow. He texted me back and said he needed “time to think”. I said “okay” and to “let me know if you change your mind.”

    He didn’t change his mind so I went over to his house and I told him how commited I was to working on myself and my anxiety. How much I loved him and how I made a mistake and how he makes me the happiest girl in the world. His reaction was limited to a quick period of teary eye but for the most part motionless. He said he “I don’t have an answer for you” and “I haven’t had enough time to think”. He is now at his parents house. His dad is getting cancer removed and is old and risk. And to top it off his mother is sick too. His father is usually the caregiver for the mother, but now she is going to have to take on the role. My ex is with them right now and doesn’t know how long he’ll be there, but says he’ll be up there for at least the next 4 days. He said he’ll talk to me in person when he gets back, and that he can’t “deal with this roller coaster” right now. Which is completely understandable.

    Now I am left with not only feeling ashamed about taking the cowardly way out, but guilty because I want to be there for him while he’s going through this difficult situation with his family.

    I texted him a few times with no response, like “my thoughts are with you” and “drive safe”, but no response. After reading this article, I deleted his cell and work number, so I’m not tempted to text or call him. However, I didn’t delete a really sweet voicemail from him. I couldn’t get myself to let go of that memory, because I’m still hanging on to the chance of him reaching out to me and welcoming me back with open arms.

    Long story short, I broke up with my boyfriend, I told him it was mistake and now he wants space.

    How do I deal with this anxiety? Or wondering what he’s thinking ? And feeling like he’s alright without me while I’m crying and when I’m not crying I’m eating.


  5. Avatar


    April 4, 2019 at 12:26 am

    Hi! Thank you for the article.

    My bf and I have been dating for the past 2 and a half years. He is amazing. He is just perfect and now I feel like I have ruined everything because of my constant anger and pressure. My family is putting my under pressure to get married.. and he is 2 years younger than me.. we are in an interracial relationship. And his family works different than mine.. and he kept telling me that we will work towards it. But I needed assurance. He said take my word for it. I come from an Indian family and we are very conservative and the least we need as an assurance is a engagement ceremony. But he wouldn’t even agree . And it started bothering me that he wasnt sure about me all. So about 4 days ago, he kept asking me what was wrong because It seemed like something was bothering me. I told him how I felt about the whole situation and broke down.. he assumed I wanted a breakup (I have tried to breakup several times because I thought we have different priorities) he was patient and wanted me back each time.. but I never really looked at it from his point of view and how much hurt I caused him.. this time I went too far, once he said he wanted to take his leave, I immediately gave him his stuff back and deleted our pictures and messaged his cousin that we broke up. But only when he left my place I realised I had made a huge mistake. This man was perfect and I let him go like this.. I called him back and he cried to me and said I can’t do this anymore. We will not work. And I gnatted him, the whole of next day. He called me and cried so much and said please dont make this difficult, I’m in alot of pain. I still love you, but as of now, you and I cant be together because we will never work. I need to be alone. Give me time. I need space. When I’m ready to talk I will text you. Leave me be for awhile.. and hung up.. I cried and begged him.. and sent him a couple of our pictures and said I’ll wait for you..and I’m sorry.. i understand everything better now and how I screwed up.. I promised him no pressure or anything. My dad spoke to him.. and he told my dad I was harsh and unreasonable when he has never wronged me in anyway.. he said our priorities are so far apart.. she made the decision. She gave me back my things and deleted our photos. I just know I hurt him so much.. and now I finally understand everything. I just want one chance to make it up to him.. prove that I have changed for the better. And I will appreciate him more.. it’s be almost 3 days with absolutely no contact. And it’s killing me. I havent eaten in 3 days or even slept properly. I wake up every few minutes struggling to breathe. And regardless of where I am, home or outside.. the randomest thing reminds me of him.. God he was perfect.. I’m so stupid. It kills me because I know it was all my fault.

    I know he loves me dearly.. but if I gave him the time and space he wants.. will be consider taking me back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2019 at 3:11 am

      You are on the right path with No Contact. Just tap into my resources so you understand all of its elements and how how to best implement.

  6. Avatar

    Disco Kitty

    March 29, 2019 at 2:53 am

    So my bf and I had only been dating six months but things were getting pretty serious. He is recently divorced and a few weeks ago, asked for space because in the process of finalizing the divorce, all of these feelings of inadequacy in relationships have come up and his head is a mess. He cares about me and loves me but he’s just not sure about us. I asked him if we had met a year later if he’d feel differently and he said yes. Anyways, since our “break” started, I haven’t reached out to him. He, however, has texted a few times. Last week he asked to see me because a friend of his had passed away and so I let him come over and we hung out a little and though there was no sex, we were cuddly. A few days after that, my beloved cat of almost 16 years died so I called him and he has been there for me a couple of nights this week. And one of those nights, we had sex. That was two days ago and we haven’t been in contact since. My question is, does our relationship seem like it has a chance of surviving?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 29, 2019 at 10:15 pm

      HI Disco Kitty….cool name! So that is the most popular question I get….is it worth pursuing…will the relationship prosper? I think so long as you have a sensible plan, then you can optimize your chances. Check out my Program to learn more!

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 29, 2019 at 10:15 pm

      HI Disco Kitty….cool name! So that is the most popular question I get….is it worth pursuing…will the relationship prosper? I think so long as you have a sensible plan, then you can optimize your chances. Check out my Program to learn more!

  7. Avatar


    March 7, 2019 at 8:37 pm

    Hi there!
    Me and my bf have been together for 7 years and just purchased a house a few months ago. He has a very demanding job working over 70 hours a week with no time at all with me. Lately he’s been really stressed at work and I have to admit I haven’t been helping. I’ve been demanding some time with him but he’s been spending more time with his friends with his free time than me. I made the mistake of bringing up kids in the middle of all this I know…..what was I thinking? I then noticed him distancing himself from me and finally told me he sees us growing apart, has doubts about our relationship, and needs space. I took some of my things and have been staying with my parents for the past week and a half. We have never really had any issues up until this past month but I’m miserable. Why would someone have doubts when they made a commitment in purchasing a home with me a few months ago? Can things get better and will this space improve our relationship?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 8, 2019 at 2:31 am

      I think so Christine. 7 years is meaningful and those roots will likely come into play later. Sometimes people get lost in their own head when the truth is staring them straight in the face. This is what could be happening with your ex. His eyes are wide shut to what he has already invested in the relationship and sometimes given someone plenty of clearance can help them regain perspective.

  8. Avatar


    March 3, 2019 at 9:43 pm

    Hey Chris!,

    So I have been reading your blog posts religiously for the last 2 days and I’ve also downloaded EXBR pro just to gain insights about my situations and what to do about my situation. So here’s the breakdown of my relationship. Me and my ex have been together for 2 years, on and off because of cultural differences. His family is chinese and I’m not. There we’re also issues about finances. I was in debt before I met him and was currently working on paying them off but he didn’t know that until he found out about it and it became such a huge issue and the. We broke up got back together then now here we are broken up again because of the same issue again his parents, my finances-got into a car accident back in February, learned that I also didn’t do my taxes properly so I owe money then on top of that I also still was in debt so when my ex found out about that he decided to break up with me after the car accident. So now I’m in no contact it’s actually been a month. I’ve only contacted him three times, 1. was to get some paperwork for my car issue 2. To exchange things 3. To pay him money that I owe. All in all it was business. He never really reach out and now I’m stuck in limbo whether I should reach out or not. I’ve been definitely working on being UG, I paid all of my debt, I’m back in the gym, I use to do marathons and OCRs, then also working on my career had an interview for a higher position at work and just waiting for the results to come out. Even though I love my ex and I am willing to work all the issues out in the relationship, I’m not entirely sure if this is right for me. His family is totally against us and I don’t know if I want to put my heart again out there only to have it torn down into pieces again by this person if things are getting tough. Any advice?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 4, 2019 at 3:45 am

      Hi Ces! OK, so it think NO Contact is the right move and you should be setting you sights on your plan on how to reach out to him when your NC period is over. You are doing a great job in the personal recovery department! Kudos to you. You are like a star. I hope you are following my Program to help you through all of this!

  9. Avatar


    March 1, 2019 at 10:37 am

    Dear Chris

    First of all I must say thanks the article it actually shed some light on my situation.

    I have been dating a guy for the past 2 years and it’s a long distance relationship this means we see each other like once or twice in a month.

    And honestly this is hard for me and lately it’s been so painfull and stressing and I have also personal stressing stuff that I deal with like every normal human being

    So lately iv found myself moody when I meet him or not just loving enough . The last time I must have made some comments about flirting with other men that made me him not so happy… and he says when we had sex I was not into it.

    And we had a fight and he said nobody talks to him like I did and it’s too much for him and that he needs some space but I feel like it’s a break up.

    I tried to hug him to say goodbye but he wouldn’t even let me touch him.

    I have cried as much as I can

    And I don’t know

    He has a birthday in 1 week I haven’t contacted him but should I send him a birthday message or should I let him just have his space

    I really love him

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 1, 2019 at 10:49 pm

      Hi Leila….glad the article was of help to you. Perhaps this is less of a breakup and just a bad moment that you both had together. Giving each other space can be a good thing, but I see no wrong in sending him something nice…a little birthday surprise, with a not explaining you know he needs space and that you too are using this time to focus on some self healing and reflection. Pick up my 485 page epic eBook, “EBR PRO” as it should help you in a lot of areas.

  10. Avatar


    February 26, 2019 at 5:41 am

    My ex bf and I three weeks ago because of stress. He told me he is not happy anymore. I know its been months he has problems at work and also financially. I did the no contact rule for three weeks and I texted him the other day and he replied. Does it mean there a possibility for us to get back together? How long should I wait again and what im going to do next? I dont want him to feel that im so needy but I miss him so much.
    Pls help me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 26, 2019 at 10:37 pm

      Hi Emzy…Are you implementing my Program as I think it will help you with figuring out all of the steps you can take post breakup

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    February 10, 2019 at 10:04 pm

    Hi there,
    My boyfriend and I broke up 3 days ago. He said I didn’t listen when he asked me for space numerous times. He said I am a great person with a huge heart but he can’t do this anymore because I don’t listen. He said it’s too much stress and that I need a hobby. We have been together for a little over 6 months. He told me that right now he needs a little breathing room and I am not giving it to him. He said that he doesn’t want to lose me fully and that we can be friends. I don’t want to be friends with him I want to date him. We used to have so much fun and I think he got bored. He said he appreciates me and everything I have done for him but he needs time. I asked him how much time bc yes I freaked out. He said he doesn’t know. He said for me to give him a chance to reach out to me for once instead of it being me all the time. My friends think he is done with me completely but I don’t believe that. He said he doesn’t want a relationship right now and needs time. Do I have a chance to get him back? Please help!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 10, 2019 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Jo…so yes, there chance is always there. What you want to do is optimize your chances. That’s why I have this website and have written numerous eBooks and offer a Private Facebook Group for folks to join to help them thru all this!

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    January 31, 2019 at 4:19 pm

    Hi Chris!
    So my story is a little more unusual. My boyfriend is going through recovery and has been 7 months sober! Yay! And I’ve stood by his side since the very beginning. And he’s extremely appreciative of how supportive and nurturing I’ve been. This is also the second time we’ve dated. But I wasn’t respecting his need for space in the relationship so he could focus on his recovery and became needy. I’m severely co-dependent I’ve realized about myself in the last 2 weeks. We argued at least once a week and I have things I know I need to work on personally… He finally got to the point where he said he can’t do it anymore, doesn’t know if he sees a future with me, etc. and at the end of the convo he said he needs space and that we would talk more about it that week bc he was exhausted from driving 7 hours that day. We ended the talk and he hugged me and I left. That was Sunday night.

    I have not spoken to him for the past 3 days and planning to continue. Not called or texted him once. I’m not even sure if we are broken up or he just needs space. One thing I do know and it’s a long story on how I know.. but he still has my toothbrush in his bathroom and contact case on the counter.. and still has the 2 pictures of us up in his place. And he throughlyyyy cleaned… Even changed out his toothbrush for a new one and still didn’t throw mine away. Idk if I’m reading more into that but it seems interesting to me.

    My question is.. How much space do I give him in this senario? In the meantime I’m working on myself. Picked up a painting class.. starting therapy for my own deep rooted “daddy issues” lol which I’ve ignored for far too long… So I know we can make this work. But I’m afraid giving him the full 21 day no contact is too much for this situation? Forgot to mention he’s stubborn… And a big part of me believes he won’t contact me first. Friends say give him 1 week. But he’s stressed with work and his recovery.. and I caused more stress on top of it. And next week he has a BIG presentation for work where he’s traveling somewhere for like 2 days. Should I wait until after that? Any insight would be MUCH appreciated!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 1, 2019 at 12:28 am

      Hi Becca….that is great…7 months! So you are on the right track. Give it a few weeks. Just play it by ear as these things can change. He will come to respect you more and your personal power will return if you stand up for your own independence. And don’t forget you can pick up my 485 page eBook, “EBR Pro” that can help you a lot more than I can here in a few lines!

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    January 27, 2019 at 11:17 am

    Hi. I hope you’re able to help me. My bf and I have been in relationship for 9 months. We met at work and were friends for 2 years before dating. Things were amazing until this last week. He is going through a divorce and had to go to arbitration with her and after that he just sent me a message to say he needed time to process things. I didn’t contact him for a day and the next day made the terrible mistake of contacting him and gnatting. I acted like a psycho and now he wants nothing to do with me. We still have to work together so I am not sure how that is going to work out. Please help me.

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    January 22, 2019 at 3:54 am

    Hey there, I’m Pedro from Argentina. Just wanted to say that this article is awesome and really helped me to ease my anxiety about my current situation.
    Let me explain you, my boyfriend was going through some deep stress due to family matters (that he carries from many years now). Some months ago he got colder and started having lots of problems due to stress (bad mood with mostly everyone, frequent stomach ache, AND we do not have sex since almost two months now, since he is completely blocked in that area of his mind). Although I really accompanied through his whole sadness and bad moment, we shared really nice and deep moments where he opened up a lot. Anyway, almost two weeks ago he told me he feels really selfish for having this sexual block, and really guilty because he sees that he has gotten colder with me. He also told me that this has nothing to do with me (he even said that I’m the person that he always dreamt to share his time with, and he loves me a lot), anyway he asked me a time to be alone and try to focus on ‘returning to the path’ (as we say here). I was like ‘Ok, I really do wish that you could be happy and stable again, for me it is ok that you take this time off for yourself, If you need to talk to someone you can count on me and, and I love you a lot’. He then hugged me and left almost crying from my house.
    I applied the NC rule for 12 days now, I only got a text last week saying that he has a couple of things that belong to me and he wanted to give them back to me, I said ‘ok, no problem’ and then he disappeared again. (My friends tells me that this was like a test or an excuse to see me).
    Anyway, it is hard at this moment of uncertainty, but I will stick to the NC rule, and uploading to social media my new life full of sports, competitions and fun with friends.
    What do you guys think about this whole situation with him?
    BTW, sorry for my english, spanish is actually my native language.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 22, 2019 at 3:32 pm

      Hi Pedro… stay on track with NC and pick up my Guide to help you thru this whole process

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    January 21, 2019 at 9:42 am

    Good day my name is Shan
    I am from South Africa, i need some feedback and thoughts on my situation as it has me confused and torn in two..

    I am seeing a guy that i have know for years and we started connecting about 3 months ago, we did see eachother every weekend as our farms are quite far apart and we both work in the week. Things are absolutely amazing when we together… And this weekend that passed i could feel that something was different from his side.. And yesterday just before i left for home he sat me down and asked me for space. He is about 8 years older then me and he has been single for 9 years. And he said the reason is that he is so use to his own time and that being with me has been a big adjustment and that space is what he needs now.. And he made it clear that we are not finished he just need “him time”.

    How do i deal with this.. And does it look bad for my side that we might end up not getting back together.. And what should i do to give him his space..

    Kind regards

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 21, 2019 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Shan!

      Sometimes a break can be helpful so go with it and use this time to focus on your own healing and personal growth. Feel free to visit my home page as I hae a lot of tools and resources that can help you get through this period and come up with a more specific plan if things don’t improve.

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    January 17, 2019 at 3:20 pm

    This was super helpful. My ex and I broke up on our 6months. Things had been super hectic with him both at home and at work and he was extreamly stressed. He told me he needed space to figure out what he really wanted. If he wanted to be in a relationship or not anymore. He told me I was the best girlfriend he’s ever had, that I treated him better than his own family and he knew he could treat me better he just needed to figure out what he truly wanted.

    This being the first time this has happened I told him I would give him his space and I hoped he’d find his way back to me and that I was terrified he’d find someone else (I know I should have just said I’ll give you space and leave it at that) but I left him a note in the morning telling him where I stood on my feelings and our relationship. I NEVER reached out first. A few days went by he said happy thanksgiving to me we talked for all of two seconds and then radio silence until a week later that Sunday. He “just wanted to say hi” andother 2 second conversation. Fast forward to a month and a half after the breakup (still didn’t reach out first and was radio silent) my birthday! He actually reached out. I responded and so did he and then I didn’t respond until the next day and we talked for about 2 seconds but this small conversation felt more like he missed me than the other times but I don’t want to read into it. He has been religiously checking my Instagram (after I deleted him -so he has to search my name every time) everyday if not MULTIPLE times a day and views my stories. Now it’s been almost two months since the break up and I want to do the 21 day no contact rule as I have 2 events coming up that I will be living my best life at (and of course documenting).

    I guess my concern is what do I do from here? I want him back more than anything but I don’t know if he’s had enough space to miss me and actually want to get back into a relationship with me. I haven’t reached out first at all but I can’t help feeling like my relationship with him isn’t over… that we will get back together it’s just a matter of time.. what should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 17, 2019 at 6:53 pm

      Hi Sam….glad this article helped! So implementing a 21 day NC period seems to me to be the right move. There is much to the process in how to do it well along with managing the other things after a breakup. IF you have not picked up either of my eBooks, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” or “The No Contact Rule Book” you should give that some consideration as I try to break it down in details as to what to do and what to expect, etc.

  17. Avatar


    January 14, 2019 at 10:15 pm


    I know you have probably heard about this a lot but my situation is very difficult. I am in a long distance relationship for 2.5 years now and we did not exactly break up he asked me for time and space as he has lost him self and he feels like he is depressed, he turns everything to negativity and his feelings are frozen he said there is nothing i can do to help and he has to go through this alone.

    I called him on skype i asked him to let me go there on his birthday next month as we were planning so we can talk and sort this out together. I told him how much i love him and how i have pictured us together but he asked me to stop. I tried to insist but not crying and he hanged up the phone on me. i sent him a very calm recorded message thanking him for his time and for accepting to take my call i told him that i will leave him alone and that i believe in him and that he will make the right choice for himself and that i also believe in me and i will make the right choice for myself. So since then i have been NC and it has now been a week.

    2 days after the last time we spoke he called me twice but that was due to the fact that he knew from before that i was going to have an operation. I did not answer the phone. The next day he texted me saying that he tried to call me but no response and was asking how did it go with the doctor and if everything is alright. I did not answer. He did not come back to me after that but he knows i am alright from fb that i posted a foto with friends.

    He is depressed due to the fact that his last 2 years of life have been terrible for him. His dad had a brain stroke and they have been fighting to keep him alive since then. He has been giving all his money to treatments for his dad and all of his time and energy at his work and about taking care of his dad. I had always been there supporting him towards that but now that things are a bit settled i thought i could finally tell him what i want and that is to find a solution on how we are moving on and to take the decision of how we are finally going to be together. That panicked him he told me that he can’t do things the way i want him to do them and that i will have to allow time and no pressure on him. I told him that this is what i have been doing so far i was trying not to pressure him so i was pressuring my self all that long and i don’t want this anymore for my self. So we had ended up talking every day and fighting for the same thing .

    I don’t want to lose him for me he is still unique but i don’t want him back either if we are still going to be in the same situation.

    Do you think you can help? Do you think there is hope?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 15, 2019 at 4:26 am

      There is always hope.It seems a lot is going on so perhaps it would be best to take some time and space away from your ex given his behavior and lack of support in meeting your needs. NC helps with that.

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    January 6, 2019 at 5:43 pm

    Hi. Someone really please help me out…i have been stir crazy for a week now. So me and my ex were great no problems so it seemed. We have had an argument and he says his feelings have changed towards me and dumped me by text. I went round to see him to get answers as he refused to reply via texts. He says it’s not just me but everyone he feels disconnected to. I offered to be there as a supportive girlfriend to help work him through it but he says he wants to be single and do it on his own. He wants to sort his head out. When I tried to talk to him or ask him questions, he just got stressed.He did promise to give himself time to think about us and let me know. He has been so lovely in the break up…no nastiness.. .no name calling…i want him back it hurts so bad. It’s all I can think about… It hurts that for so many months he loved me and now it’s just gone weirdly cold. Im scared he wont remember how amazingly good we had it.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 6, 2019 at 7:27 pm

      Best to have a plan…have you considered picking up my eBook “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro?” I know it hurts a lot, but there are things you can do to heal and recovery with a greater focus on “you”. That is big part of my Program. I call it the Holy Trinity…health, wealth, and relationships.

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    January 5, 2019 at 1:06 pm

    Hi there 🙂 My boyfriend of 10 months went abroad on a volunteering program for a couple of months suddenly, saying it was due to traumas in his life (brother’s death years ago, business partner stealing money, ex-gf marrying someone much younger than him, etc…). Our relationship has been great apart from his mood swings related again to all these traumas. He’s a wonderful person and I love him a lot, willing to wait for him. 3 weeks after he left for the volunteering program, he told me he needed some space. Before that, we were in touch regularly and he was very sweet and warm to me even while he was away. Of course I said ok but now I’m not sure if I should do full NC on him, and especially small things like, should I still like his Instagram posts and watch his Instagram stories? We didn’t break up so the situation is confusing. What should I do?

  20. Avatar


    January 3, 2019 at 1:17 pm

    I’m writing to you cause after 2 years my boyfriend broke up with me because he can not project himself with me, he told me that he doesn’t know why because everything went great and find me beautiful and perfect and that we had the same interests moreover I was very adult and comprehensive and do not push him for any commitment ( just asked him if in the future we could see to live together, maybe in one year).
    1 year earlier He told me that he already have this fear, he already feeling like something was missing to project himself in the relationship and at this time I asked him if he was able to project himself in his life alone.. his answer was no.. so we though it was the main issue..
    But Now he decided to break up in purpose to see what is really problematic, if it come from me, our relationship, or if it’s him who need space and time to think about what he really wants in life. He also told me that he was lost in general about everything in his life like an early existential crisis ( He is gonna have 28 years old in February)

    It’s been almost 2 months now, but only 1 week and a half of NO CONTACT. ( we work in the same place so it’s harder, and at the beginning he wouldn’t cut contact because as he wasn’t sure about his decision he told me that it’s gonna be hard to contact me again when he will have the solution/answers..)

    What do you think about that ? Is it a good solution for me to keep going with the no contact ?
    I’m really afraid of him testing to meet other girls to see if he can find better or just forgetting me..

    Thanks ❤️
    ( sorry about my English, i’m French.)

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 3, 2019 at 11:16 pm

      Hi Nina…your English is quite good. I think you should continue with your No Contact strategy. Take a look at picking up my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it serves as a comprehensive blueprint of this whole process.

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