What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space

I had this friend back in college. Her boyfriend at the time told her he needed space.

So, she did something that I thought was absolutely ludicrous at the time. She looked him dead in the eye and said,

“Okay. Have all the space you need.”

and walked away.

My jaw hit the floor when she told me.

“You did what?!”

Less than 36 hours after that she gets a call,

“Baby, I was wrong! Please don’t leave me!”

What was this magic she had spun?

Somehow, she had convinced the man who was clearly preparing to leave her that, instead, she was leaving him.

It was genius!

It was impossible!

Wasn’t it?

Well… obviously not.

If you’ve arrived at this article, I’m going to guess that you likely fall into one of the below categories:

  1. Your boyfriend asked you to give him space and you think he might break up with you
  2. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you gnatted him and then he asked for space
  3. You’re trying out or thinking about trying out the No Contact Rule and are afraid that if you give your ex-boyfriend space, that he might not come back

Fear not! We are going to tackle the art of giving him “space” in-depth so you will leave here feeling confident that giving your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend space is nowhere near as scary as it seems and you may even find that you enjoy having the space.

But first, let’s talk about a few things:

  • What it means to give someone space
  • Some of the reasons why a guy might ask for space in the first place
  • And what to do if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend asks for space

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What is Space?

As I was preparing to write this article I literally wrote down on a piece of paper “What is Space?” This led me to several deeper thoughts such as “what is space,” “what is time,” “what is life.”

Wow, that got deep and scary fast. Once I got past those flashbacks from philosophy 101 and I was done questioning the meaning of my existence, I came up with the following:

Space is something that a person may need to disconnect and “refresh” in order to allow themselves to think about certain things and reflect upon something weighing on their mind.

More simply and bluntly put, he is looking to be left alone for a while.

For purposes of this article, we are going to roll with this understanding.

Before we move on, some of you are probably wondering “well, what if he didn’t say he needed space, but he said that he needed time? That is totally different right?” Well no, not really. For purposes of EBR and this article, think of a guy asking for space and a guy asking for time to be pretty much the same thing. He is looking to be left alone for a while.

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Why Did He Ask For Space?

There are a number of specific reasons a guy may ask for space:

  • He’s really busy
  • He has a lot of stress from him family, school, work, etc. right now
  • He’s tired of arguing
  • He’s confused
  • He’s trying to regain control
  • etc.

The list really can go on and on and on. I would encourage you to try not and dwell on finding a specific reason why he may have asked for space, especially, if things seemed like they were going well before he asked for space. If you know why he asked for space because he told you; great! If not, try not to over-analyze it.

The important thing to understand, is that when guys get overwhelmed, they handle their emotions differently than women. As women, we tend to seek out friends and family for support or to vent to. Guys typically do not do this. Men are more likely to bottle things up inside.

Because of this, guys can carry around a lot on a daily basis. Extra emotions or a fight can be enough to cause a guy’s plate to overflow, causing him to try to remove or avoid something from his plate. In this case, if he’s asked for space, you are thing he is trying to remove.

Another thing that is important to understand about men is that they are naturally problem solvers. Men are more likely to retreat and want to “reappear” once they have come up with a solution. They don’t want to necessarily be seen as they are trying to work through things and come up with a solution.

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What Should I Do If He Asks for Space?

Simple.

GIVE HIM SPACE.

Definitely give him space.

There are a number of more obvious reasons why giving him the space he has asked for makes the most sense, such as it is more respectful and the more mature thing to do.

However, I know that if you’ve arrived on this page, you probably already know this and so far, you are not convinced that giving him space will work and is the best thing to do. Everything in you is telling you to chase him.

You ask, “Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

So, let’s start by taking a moment to explore what your other option is: Don’t give him space and continue to reach out at a normal or higher rate.

If you are considering this, you may be doing so because you are worried that giving him space will prevent him from coming back. You may feel that reaching out to him as if everything is “normal” may make him realize that he is making a mistake asking for space. Or, you may feel the need to convince him that you two belong together and that you can talk through whatever the issue is and space is not necessary. You may be wanting to show him that your love can conquer whatever it is that made him think that space was the only way to handle it.

I want to make this point really clear… so, I’m going to underline it AND bold it….

Continuing to try to talk to him, text him, or chase after him after he has asked for space is only going to push him further away.

We even have a word here at EBR for continuing to pester someone with texts, calls, emails, and anything else and this is called “gnatting.”

You can read about it here, in “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”  when you’ve finished reading this article. Basically, it’s texting or calling excessively.

Is it gnatting even if I text him like I normally would… nothing more?

YES!

He’s asked you to give him space (a complete disconnect) and you are giving him more than he wants. It’s annoying.

You know when a fly or a gnat is buzzing around and you can’t seem to get it to go away? That is how your ex boyfriend feels when you keep trying to force him to connect when he doesn’t want to.

Please do not be a gnat. Our pros over at EBR will all tell you that gnatting will lower your chances of getting your ex to come back.

That’s right! Gnatting, not giving him space is what will hurt your chances of him coming back.

I polled 10 random guys today. I asked them the following question:

“Would you be more likely to want to get back with someone who

a) you asked for space from and this person gave it to you

or

b) you asked for space from and they texted and/or called you trying to “fix” the situation?”

The results are below:

a) 10 votes

b) 0 votes

That’s right! 100% of guys said that they would be more likely to want to get back together with the person that respected their request and gave them space!

Why Giving Him Space and the No Contact Rule is the Best Option

Giving him space and utilizing the No Contact Rule will allow your boyfriend or ex boyfriend the opportunity to “reset” any bad feelings that he may have towards you. If you haven’t broken up and your boyfriend says he needs space, he is probably feeling stressed or overwhelmed by something in the relationship. He may need time to retreat and come up with the solution, like we talked about at the top of this article.

If you have broken up and you gnatted causing your ex-boyfriend to ask for space, it is paramount that you give your ex-boyfriend space now and begin implementing the No Contact Rule.

Anything else you do after he asks for space is really going to move you towards the “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend” territory and really, who wants to be her? NOT YOU!!!

In the meantime, focus on becoming ungettable and the best possible version of you.

If you are unsure what Ungettable means, here is a link to an article explaining the term. It is unique to the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, but the concept is pretty easy to follow.

A “Real Life” Example

Think about a dog for a minute.

Imagine that you are standing on an open road. You and the dog are looking directly at each other but there is some distance between you, say 10 feet. This may sound funny but I want you to take a moment and try to picture your ex-boyfriend as that dog. Now I want you to image that dog turning around and walking the other way… The dog is creating space between you and him, just like your ex boyfriend.

Now, your first instinct may be to panic, to run after the dog, or to call it back to you and maybe even offer it a treat. However, if you chase after the dog (your ex boyfriend), what is the dog likely to do? The dog is likely to run away further. The dog may even enjoy being chased by you. If you call the dog back to you and offer it a treat, it may or may not come but if it doesn’t the dog is going to know that walking away from you sure got your attention and he was rewarded, thus this will encourage the dog to do it again. You don’t want to go this route either.
So, if those options don’t work, let’s imagine what you should do. You’re back on the street and the dog is walking away from you. Imagine instead, that you stand there and do nothing. Or, better yet, you turn around and start walking the other way, away from the dog. Now, imagine that when the dog turns around to see if you are following him, he instead sees that you are out having the time of your life! Maybe you’re even giving his much beloved treats to another dog.

What do you think the dog is going to be inclined to do?

If you said come running back, you are right!

Now, let’s apply this example to ex. Your boyfriend asks for space. Instead of freaking out and chasing after him, you simply respect his space. In the meantime you go off and do some UG (Ungettable) things. When your ex boyfriend checks in on you (whether directly by texting you or indirectly through mutual friends or by looking at your social media) he will see that you are off having fun. Your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will be much MORE LIKELY to come back simply because you respected his space and even made the most of it and had a little fun for yourself!

Space isn’t sounding too bad anymore, is it?

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You Still Have Reservations?

Wow, you’re still not convinced, huh?

I could just tell you that giving him the space he asked for could not only turn out to be awesome, but that it could strengthen your bond with your ex.

I could tell you that it may even HELP your chances of him coming back!

I’m guessing that if you still are not convinced that you have some other concerns about giving your guy space, so let’s talk through some of the more common questions I see when giving girls advice on our EBR Support Group. 

Will Giving Him Space Make Him Fall Out of Love With Me?

No, we are talking about you giving him space for a short period of time (typically no more than your no contact period). People cannot fall out of love in a matter of weeks. Respecting his space will show maturity and independence which should only make you more attractive in his eyes.

What If He Meets Someone Else While I’m Giving Him Space?

Well, I don’t want to lie to you so it is possible that he could meet another girl while you are giving him space or in No Contact. However, it is highly likely that this person will be a rebound and it will be very short-lived. There are other methods EBR offers to help in these specific situations… so, don’t worry. It’s not hopeless.

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How Long Should I Give Him Space For?

I have to admit, this is tricky to answer but I felt like this is probably a really common question so I wanted to take a stab although there is not a “one size fits all” answer here.

If you are still dating and your boyfriend had asked for space, I would recommend giving him space for at least a week or until he reaches out. If he does not respond positively to your reach out after 1 week, do not gnat but give him another week of space. Remember, in the meantime, try to have fun!

Now, if you are broken up you need to give your boyfriend space until your No Contact period is up. You may be thinking, “what if he reaches out before then; has he had enough space?” Stick to your No Contact period and follow the No Contact Rule Book.

Story Time….

Let me leave you with a story, you’ll never guess who it is about…

No really, guess.

Okay fine, I’ll tell you, it is about me! The year was 2008 and I was in my first real High School relationship.

I know. Everybody say it with me…

So this guy, let’s call him “A.”

A and I had a great relationship that moved really quickly. We were in “love” after three weeks of dating. I know, it’s laughable now but this has an important lesson that came with it…

After about two months of being on a romantic high, A completely blindsided me and asked for “space.”

We were not fighting, we were perfect. I thought I was going to marry him and have his babies. I’m completely joking… only kind of, but not really…

Anyway, after A asked for space, I remember thinking that I must show him that space would only pull us apart and lessen our love; that I should show him that I was willing to fight for him and that this would prove to him that we were meant to be together.

I totally gnatted him for a week.

If you are still unclear on what gnatting is, you can read more about it here.

What was the result? He broke up with me a week later. I cried, and cried, and cried. But I DID NOT CONTACT HIM. I inadvertently began no contact and guess what, two weeks later he was BEGGING for me back.

Moral of the story is this: once I finally gave A the space that he was looking for, he was able to realize how much he missed me and how much our relationship meant to him. He began to wonder what I was doing and wanted to talk to me. Give the guy space and show him what he is missing out on.

A Quick Recap

So, something I have found in working with Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that, if we don’t do some kind of recap at the end of an article, our readers tend to pick on point that I made and forget the rest of the article altogether.

So, let’s look at what we discussed today.

  1. When a person asks for space, they are wanting a disconnect from the person they are asking for space from. The want time alone.
  2. There are plenty of reasons that your ex could be asking for space. The important thing is not to get hung up on the “Why?
  3. If he is asking for space, the absolutely BEST option is to GIVE IT TO THEM. Most of the time people don’t know what they want and when they get it they almost instantly realize that it is not what they really wanted.
  4. Then we talked about the reasons you might doubt that this will work… Well, you’re wrong. 9 times out of 10 it will work.

I also try to hook you guys up with a video that can help you moving forward.

For this topic today I think that THIS video is the perfect one for those of you in this situation.

Alright So, I’m going to do one more thing for you today.

I know… she has more?!

You’re probably wondering,

“What did I ever do to deserve such gifts?”

Well, you just clicked on the right article today, my friend.

I am going to open up the comments below for discussion. I want to hear about your situation with your asking you for space.

From there we can discuss your next action.

  1. How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?
  2. Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
  3. What have you done since he asked for space?
		

Written by EBR Teamate

Sarah Drees

61 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

  1. Sabby

    December 12, 2017 at 8:22 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I were together for over a year and then split as he felt we weren’t getting along. 5 months later we got back together. It’s been 6 months and tonight he has decided to end it again because he said he wasn’t that happy and needed to be happy on his own. I said ‘are you just wanting some space?’ But he said that we had to call and end to us. I’m at a total loss. I know he did not treat me as well as he should have and he admitted to that too. I walked away the moment he began to get upset telling him that it was time I left. What do I do now?? I want to be with him but I don’t want the mess that we have just finished. I cannot avoid him as I am his manager and will see him every day at work. We also have pur work Christmas party on Saturday and I’m worried about seeing him there.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2017 at 2:17 pm

  2. sara

    December 11, 2017 at 11:12 am

    My on and off ex boyfiriend of 3 years has split up wih me again. For weeks i could feel a disconnect from him, not texting me loads and not calling. seeing as it was an LDR, i began to worry. After a bit of Gnatting on my part he finally came out and said that he doesnt see a future with me any more and inevitably will meet someone new, he would like to still meet up with me and sleep with me but he said that nothing else will happen. He said he isnt massively in love and that i became too full on. He said that we need a break from each other if we were to ever work out but i dont know what he means, if i am just an option if he doesnt find the relationship he wants. He saids he would like a reunion in the future but just isnt sure. its the third time in a year and a half he has broken up with me. what do i do? walk away? I love him so much. Please help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2017 at 1:09 am

  3. Rina

    December 11, 2017 at 5:11 am

    Hi amor,

    Thanks for responding. I’ve been actively posting post that’s stays now. However, he hasn’t contacted me as to when he will be passing my stuff back or when he wants his. Any idea why and will I be able to get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 1:49 am

      maybe because they’re not really important things.. it depends on a lot of factors on how much probability you have to get him back.. have you taken our quiz?

  4. Shortie Spice

    December 10, 2017 at 4:42 pm

    Hi Team,
    We started to be friends a little more than a year ago. I just went through an ugly break-up in the middle of last July and afterwards we started to talk. He pursued me quite a lot. I was very much hesitant, because a friend of mine had a one night fling with him, but she then fell for him also. So the months went on and we met every now and then…shared long walks after work and had long hours of genuinely great conversations. One day we talked and decided to watch a movie together at my place, where the whole thing started. In the end he stayed over, but in the morning I cried with resentment because I slept with a guy my friend used to like (she then had a relationship going on with a guy for a year), but still I felt insanely crap. We agreed not to meet, but then a company Christmas party came..he begged to sleep together, I refused, but a couple of weeks later, we ended up together again, when I discovered I still was not ready for a relationship.. We talked a lot and he understood. Somehow, though, in the middle of January, he reached out to me to spend the evening together, casually. That`s when everything changed. I respected that he kept my boundaries, but at the same time I saw how he just wanted to be happy with me – and we started dating for real. I asked not to be blunt about it at work, because my used-to-be-friend made it very hard. Screamed at me and then started spreading disgusting gossip never leaving us to rest. I still was hesitant and wanted to take things very slow because of my past breakup and feeling generally afraid. I fell ill over the spring – I was in bed for 3 weeks after which we had a rough fight that ended in a panicky break-up. We both regretted it, but he had an ideology not to go back, no second chances. But we did it still and it was awesome for months, we met each others` parents and it was true bliss. Then in September a rough patch came to his life.. he started to feel out of place, he did not like his job and felt genuinely out of touch with his life. See… he is coming from a wealthy family, he has his own apartment that he got from his parents, they have a weekend house at the lake, they like to go kayaking and they have their own boat they enjoy. That`s where he spends all his summer weekends. There was a problem, though. I have a severe fear of water, I fell in deep water when I was a child and could not swim. So I asked if it was possible for the two of us to go and swim together so I can get accustomed to it in our home town, without anyone else. I was very much afraid of `not performing` well in front of his parents. After our first weekend there with his parents, his mom told me how beautiful and wealthy his last girlfriend was. I was so afraid to meet them again, especially going on a boat with a fear for my life…But when I started to overcome this, my grandmother was feeling worse and worse, we were in the midst of selling their house and moving the objects out of it. It took us four weekends with my parents. He started to feel unwell because I never joined him over the weekend to the lake, and I started to feel afraid, because he was feeling more and more tired and anxious. All I could see was he was working 10-12 hours a day, barely getting home to sleep and then immediately running to the lake just to come back even more tired. So the last weekend, I told him that it`s not okay. We need some time on our own to relax, to chill, to do –our- thing, because he by this time was totally giving up on work. There were lots of misunderstandings between us at the time, because he kept things to himself and was not really able to open up.. See, they do not really talk about hardships. Hardship is not very much known to him in terms of finances or private life. They live very freely and have everything. Then my grandmother died, my family collapsed. The sale of the apartments was still going on, my mother moved to my apartment for the working days, and I was already paying rent for my father in my apartment also. So this was a time, when he got tired of my family issues and his work issues. I tried asking him to spend time, like we did in the beginning to chill, to relax, to refresh ourselves, but we never had time .. it was a hard period for the both of us at work. But this also put stress on him once again. He felt he needed to perform in another field – in the relationship, too. And he lost it, he got overwhelmed… and so he broke up.
    We work at the same company a few metres away from each other. In the first few weeks we did not talk much, then a few weeks ago we started to talk. Finally. We went through everything that caused hurt for either of us. He opened up about how he wanted me to go with him on the weekends, I opened up about my insecurities, we gained a lot of understanding. We talked about why we did not move together… he wanted me to move to his place but he never mentioned, because he felt it would be futile having my mom and dad living with me temporarily.
    Then I told him I was preparing for this, my dad would be able to move.. but since he never asked me, we stayed. We talked a lot about how communication should have been better between us. And I honestly feel we have a clean slate ahead of us. Both of us know what matters for the other person now – so we can do it for the other. He is very much hesitant. He is very direct and stubborn. He says he has made a decision back then and he is defending that decision with rationalizing everything. In the past few days he has been trying to come increasingly closer to me. He comes out after me in the kitchen every time I am out. He tries to talk in person.. he even asked me out for a walk the other day. He said he wanted to kiss me, but his decision…and his parents are keeping him. He has an issue with his parents: he really wants to make up for everything he got from them and he does not want them to feel their son makes mistakes, so he is unable to stand in front of them and say just that: Okay, I gave up too early, I need this girl. We just had a Christmas party at the company yesterday. He was looking at me so much in love.. we danced, he raised me up in the air and held me, told me he knows I was right in everything and he has a lot to think of, because he made that decision for a reason back then. I asked him how much are his parents weighing in his reluctance? He said out of a scale of 10 – 25. He knows I am right, he knows there is a vision for us, but he is afraid we would break it once again. He is trying to console himself on tinder, I don`t know if he has any luck there. But I saw love and resentment in his eyes yesterday.
    What can I do now? I shared the story in completeness, so you can see all our difficulties..I really love this guy. He is just hitting 30 in January. How can I help him make this final step between knowing and finally acting against the fear of his parents disapproval?I am on good terms with his friends, they all are flabbergasted, they all keep telling him this was the greatest mistake he has ever made. Do you have any suggestion? I feel he is very close, he is just very stubborn. And we cannot really do no contact since we work in the same office.Please can you help? What is my gameplan if I love this boy and have serious belief in this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 5:08 am

  5. Rina

    December 10, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    Hi amor,

    I’ve been constantly posting posts that stays. Any idea why he hasn’t contacted me to get his stuff back or to return mine? Do we have a chance to get back tgt?

  6. Abigail

    December 10, 2017 at 12:19 pm

    Hi,

    My ex broke up with me a few months ago now and he said he’s really hurting and that I’ve hurt him too much and my family has. I had asked him for some space as he was living with me and my parents in a cramped space and he took this as me rejecting him completely. I started the nc period and he messaged me around about a week into it saying that I had really hurt him and that he couldn’t forgive me and that I would never get anybody better than him. I started speaking to him again as he messaged me and he agreed to give me another chance again. It went well for 3 weeks but he’s got a lot on his plate with work and Christmas coming. He has been giving me mixed messages and leaving me confused, he told me yesterday he wants space and thinks we should just move on from each other as he is still hurting. He has said he still loves me previously. But he wants space from the thing that has hurt him, ie me. What shall I do? How do I know he means it this time? When I tried the no contact he got angry that I had made no effort with him. Do I try nc again or just move on?
    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 4:41 am

      Hi Abigail,

      well, he asked for space.. continue talking to him after he himself don’t want to talk to you will look like you’re chasing him and you’re also handing over your power to him whenever he messages you.. So, to get your power back and to make it equal between you two, accept the break up.. stick to nc at least 30 days, and then slowly rebuild rapport afterwards.

  7. Pearl

    December 10, 2017 at 7:26 am

    Wow! What a nice article, it got me thinking. My relationship as just being like, whenever I complain about what I want he is always taking it the wrong way, whereas whenever he talks about he is I always intend to adjust.
    My Boyfriend is always chatting up different girls on his social media, uploading their pictures but have never trying posting our picture together or even a write up about us, this has also got me thinking that I get so furious about but it seems like he doesn’t care about my feelings.
    He is also a workaholic always working.
    Recently a fight comes up and he asked for space, I tried gnatting him for a little while but it seems not working at all. Do you think this no contact rule and giving him the space he want will work?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 4:32 am

      Hi Pearl,
      It’s not a guarantee that it will work in any situation, but it helps increase your chances of getting him back.

  8. Skye

    December 9, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    Hi, my ex and I broke it off after 7 months 4 days ago and I’m missing him horribly. We had no issues with cheating, but I had a lot of insecurity due to my history with depression that made me vulnerable to jealousy. He always had to reassure me that he would not cheat, (I believed him) but there was this other girl he was close to before we became friends in the first place. This girl caused a lot of arguments between us, and we’ve gone over the same argument over and over again, but 4 days ago, he decided that he could no longer do it anymore and that we were not meant for each other. Since then, I’ve lost my appetite, having not eaten well for a single day and am currently skipping meals not feeling hungry for some reason. But that’s not my focus.
    I gnatted him the night of the breakup as well as the next day, but 2 days after, I decided that I would use the Limited Contact Rule, given that I attend the same school as him and cannot completely avoid him.
    We still have a streak on snapchat, although we only send regular streaks. However, we have had minimal conversation through text and a small conversation yesterday in person, and it was about myself having a plan to change in order to find happiness from within. He was sort of looking at his phone while I was talking, but he did look at me when I asked if he believed in my change (he said yes). He also tried walking away and the one distinct thing I remembered from that conversation that hurt me was him saying “That’s not how it works. You’re not going to win me back without my consent.” He still is very good friends with the girl I was jealous of, and says that he doesn’t think engaging in conversation is awkward. He has not blocked me on any social media, nor my number, but had only initiated one conversation about a videogame on snapchat earlier today, which I responded to because I didn’t want him to think that I dislike him. I don’t think he dislikes me but he said that he doesn’t have a plan and will just see how things go along.
    To fix my personality issues, I’ve decided to seek out a therapist, and he knows that. Even if I’m telling myself that I will rebuild my confidence and return an energetic, mature and as the girl he once loved, there is still a part of me that whispers that he’ll lose interest in me. That little voice is driving me insane and I have a strong temptation to spill my heart out to him, but I still refrain. When is an appropriate time for me to start talking about where we went wrong in the relationship? I still have hope that we can get back together as a stronger couple.
    Also, he is the kind of guy to shut out other people when he’s upset, or only opens up to one/two people, for he can be very sensitive. I’m afraid that he’ll open up about me to this other girl and fall for her, although she likes someone else. What can I do in this state of grief? Do I have a chance of getting him back? I want an emotional connection with him again but he feels so far away…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 2:05 am

      Hi Skye,

      The limited nc means you only talk to him about school stuff when necessary. That means keeping your snapchat streak is breaking nc.. So, you have to restart..

  9. Alice

    December 9, 2017 at 9:40 am

    My bf moved out in a rush a week ago, we both had a night out with our own friends and both got very drunk. I was home first and a few hours later when he was home we ended up having a big fight. The next day after he sobered up he packed his stuff and left ( in the rush he has taken a few of my things and left some of his). He has since been texting me but says he can’t deal with the fights or my attitude when I drink. I’ve not had a drink since that night and I miss him dearly. The last text was about 3 days ago and I told him I was fine and not to worry about me. He said he does and always will but I’ve heard nothing since. If he does text me asking if I’m ok should i text back? If I don’t and I ignore him he will ask why I haven’t text him back? We have been together 6 months – I live alone and I miss him a lot especially now it’s near to Christmas

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 1:54 am

      Hi Alice,

      send a clean slate text.. tell him you agree with his decision and then thank him for everything.. don’t say you’re doing nc.. and then start nc.

  10. Rina

    December 9, 2017 at 6:58 am

    Hi amor,

    I have since started posting posts that stays. Any idea why he doesn’t wanna return my things or get his back? It’s been 1.5months

  11. Danielle

    December 9, 2017 at 5:15 am

    Hi! My boyfriend and I went on a break about a month ago. I cheated on him in the beginning of our relationship and he found out after a year of dating him. He told me he needed time and space to think about things and it’s been a month and I asked him if he wants to make things work with us and he said “I do I just don’t know how” what does this mean? I’ve been giving him a lot of space but sometimes I have to give in and text him once. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 1:44 am

      Hi Daniella,

      that means he doesn’t know how to trust you again.. check this one:
      This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again

  12. MONI

    December 8, 2017 at 12:22 am

    TOGETHER 1 YEAR MET THE KID ,GOT A KEY,HAVE MY CLOTHES AND DOG AT THIS PLACE. WE HAD A GOOD RELATIONSHIP HE RECENTLY GOT A 2ND JOB AN LIVES FAR FROM ME . I WORK GO TO SCHOOL. HE SAID HE NEEDED SPACE TO BE ALONE , I SAW LESS TIME FOR ME AND TOLD HIM HOW I FELT ABOUT BEING LONELY AND NOT SEEING HIM 🙁 I BEEN BLOWING HIM UP SINCE IM SAD/SCARED.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 9:33 am

  13. Tana

    December 7, 2017 at 12:04 am

    Hi so me and my ex broke up five months ago and about a month and a half ago he reached out to me and we started talking again. Everything kinda went back to normal and he was even telling everyone that we were trying to work things out and take things slow. We were literally hanging out at least 3 to 4 times a week! Everything seemed to be going good and then out of nowhere he stopped talking to me. He then sent me a text saying that he was sorry for not talking to me and that he had a couple days to think and he said that he really needed to get his life together. He told me to do my own thing and he hoped that we could still be friends. I knew he was stressed out about money, school, and family so I told him that it was okay and that he could do whatever he needed to do. what should I do???

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 6:06 am

      Hi Tana,

      Do nc,stick to at least 30 days

  14. Veronica

    December 6, 2017 at 11:06 pm

    My ex broke up with me end of July 2017. We would have been a year this December. He said I was not supportive of him and that he needes to focus on his kids . That I made him insecure etc. he kept in contact texts and some phone calls but me mostly making the effort. We fibally met up again and I thought we were taking steps to rebuild but i noticed it was me making the most reaching out calling etc. so I asked him if he felt Like i was overwhelming he said no that he doesn’t have to answer me but he does. Then this past weekend out of no where he pulls the same thing saying he needs to cut me off bc he does not see me in his life and he does not know what he wants. Of course I was hysterical he said he cares about me and we’ll take it slow. Since then he text me once first and I have been again the one msg him. I have not today and am thinking of dong NC but am wondering if it’s too late ? Or if I should tell him I respect his wishes and will give him space. He had gone on a rant that came out of left field. One minute making plans for a movie 2 hrs later telling me to respect his wishes to not call ir text him . Wth ?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 5:12 am

      Hi Veronica,

      Tell him you respect his wishes, but dont tell him you’re doing nc.. Do at least 30 days

  15. Stacey

    December 6, 2017 at 8:37 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago saying he didn’t love me anymore and he needed time to focus on himself. We still live together and he’s been very hot and cold with me. He will
    Sleep in the bed when he’s had a drink because he’s happier and when he’s sober he’s angry. He has some small
    Alcohol and gambling issues and most recently I’ve heard him crying in the toilet. He’s also told his mom he’s had suicidal thoughts. I’m wondering if the depression was a cause of the break up? He seems so much happier when he’s had a drink.
    He still finds me attractive etc but keeps repeating that we are not together as if to justify to himself. He’s deleted me from Facebook and the reason I know is because he told me! Why tell me? What Can I do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 4:19 am

      Hi Stacey,

      But you still live together? Why is he acting like that? Did he had a recent problem? Maybe with work?

  16. Stacey

    December 6, 2017 at 8:19 am

    Hi team, my ex broke up with me just over a month ago saying he didn’t love me anymore and wanted to be alone to sort himself out. He has a few gambling and drinking issues. He’s been hot and cold with me, sleeping in the bed a few times especially when he’s had a drink. We still live together you see. I’ve heard him crying in the bathroom and he’s told his mum he’s had suicidal thoughts. Could it be he’s depressed and that’s why he’s broke up? He’s had ample opportunity to leave the apartment and stay as well and he chooses not to. He seems to be happy when he’s had a drink and then when he’s sober he’s angry all the time. He’s Just Unfriended me on Facebook Too. Please help, I’m so confused as to what’s going on with him

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 4:19 am

      Hi Stacey,

      But you still live together? Why is he acting like that? Did he had a recent problem? Maybe with work?

  17. Sierra

    December 6, 2017 at 3:48 am

    Hey Amor,
    Thanks for responding so in the article it says a week he didn’t necessarily ask for space but I’m giving him and I some space because it didnt seem like he was interested in talking about us being in a relationship he talked to me about what he doesn’t like when I do so and so part of me feels like I should just breakup with him cuz he’s already out the door I haven’t reached out for two days now in the beginning he said he wanted a relationship and when we spoke he said he wants a relationship as well maybe I’m overthinking it but I can’t shake that body language and vibes he was giving off

  18. Jane

    December 5, 2017 at 11:28 pm

    Hi!
    My exboyfriend broke up with me because he was already too stressed about his life, he can’t find a job he’s in debt and he can’t find a place to settle in. We were living together for a year. I had to leave USA because my visa was expired. After the 3rd day he broke up with me and told me i was just another stress in his life. He cheated on me with another girl 6mos before and i just found out that the girl is coming to the same place he is in now.

    What do i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 8, 2017 at 5:55 pm

      Hi Jane,

      Looks like the real reason for the break up is the girl.. check this one:
      EBR 039: Dealing With An Ex Boyfriend Who Cheats

  19. Ty

    December 5, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    Hello,
    BF of 7 years broke up with me last year. We gradually stay hanging out/ dating but (no title) a few months later- “exclusively” at least I was told. Find out he’s sleeping with someone else. I cut him off, he begs til I contact him 3 weeks after. Says he needs to be alone. Still continues contacting me and telling me how much he loves me and wants a relationship in the future that was better and new everyday/ every few days. Because of the lies and betrayal it’s hard to trust anything he says and I need time to get over that situation. But he says HE needs space to be better for me in the future and work some things out within himself. I haven’t talked to him in 9 days…the last convo he didn’t say anything about not talking. He always said he needed time alone but he would continue to contact me. So not hearing from him I’m not sure what’s going on…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 9:07 pm

      Hi Ty,
      Start the count of your nc period after reading this and then be active in improving yourself and in posting.. to be clear, in the past year, you have been friends with benefits?

  20. Rina

    December 5, 2017 at 4:42 pm

    Hi amor,

    Thank you for your reply.

    I’ve been actively posting on Instagram stories but he isn’t viewing at all. He has also blocked me on every platform. I’ve been improving myself and meeting new friends. What Can I do to get him back? He hasn’t update me when he wants his things back either or when will he return mine.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 8:57 pm

      don’t do instagram stories.. do posts that doesn’t disappear unless you remove them.. and make your account public..

  21. Luna

    December 5, 2017 at 6:17 am

    Hi Sarah

    It’s amazing when you say ‘ I remember thinking that I must show him that space would only pull us apart and lessen our love; that I should show him that I was willing to fight for him and that this would prove to him that we were meant to be together’…

    Because I thought the same and sometimes I still do – I can’t seem to understand why it is in the relationship of love when man asks for space they don’t want you to show them how devoted and loyal you are to them by talking it out etc etc – maybe it’s because as females we never have the need for space (tho I may be wrong because I haven’t dumped someone yet hence requiring ‘the need for space’ maybe men and woman who leave their partners maybe they all want space maybe it isn’t just men only? – maybe it’s because I know if I told someone I love I want space or that I want to leave, I’d be expecting them to want to show me the willingness to fight.

    I guess sometimes we need to realize way we want to be loved doesn’t mean the other person you love sees love in the same manner – maybe a man really sees love by the partner respecting his feelings and needs and doing the above just pushes them further away … i know wot I did pushed him further away.

    My situation is quite complicated – I know he says he’s done as there isn’t feelings left in him for me… so he has left – so now I continue with giving him space and hope to improve myself and see if he ever trusts me enough to want to start building a connection again with me 🙁 but for now I know our Ltd no contact will have to be long enough for his heart to heal and for mine to heal too because I am heartbroken for him having walked out on us without wanting to try to change the relationship dynamics for a new and improved relationship. He waited too long when too much damage was done to speak up and just poker faced his way through and now as he claims he no longer loves me or misses me hence he has no need or want to invest in the relationship:(

  22. JennyAshley Perez

    December 5, 2017 at 2:41 am

    Okay! I read this whole article and thought to myself wow this is dead on what I’m going through. I have been in a same sex relationship for 10 years. We most recently got married in August. Shortly after marriage I noticed my wife acting diff like distant. I ended up finding out two weeks before marriage she kissed a coworker. Originally when I found out she said it was only an emotional affair and meant absolutely nothing! But later I found out it was physical. Mind you I found thisall out less than a month into marriage. So, after finding this out you can imagine I was pissed and constantly arguing nonstop! Then she began telling me that she feels like she never got “me” time to hang out with friends since we got together at such a young age. So I thought maybe she just wanted to get the party phase out her system. But then she started saying she was confused and was in a confused state and doesn’t know how to fix it. So she asked for space and moved into her parents house I was the gang trying to do everything to keep her but I felt it pushed her more and more. So then she began saying she thinks she wants an open relationship ( which is the CRAIZEST THING EVER) my wife has never been a sexual person not even in the beginning so her asking this was insane!!!!! Unreal at that! Then she would say stuff like I honestly don’t even know if I want an open relationship I’m soooooo confused. She said the only way I would know if I want it is if i tried it so I told her ok go head and gave her a green light and everything and she still has not taken it. I asked why she won’t and she said because she isn’t sure she wants that so CLEARLY SHE IS VERY CONFUSED. So today I finally decided I’d do the no contact rule which is what everyone told me I should have done from the beginning so she can see how much she misses me and it may even help with the confusion. The thing is my wife hasn’t never been a cheater she’s comletey opposite of that and I think what’s making her sonconfused is that she’s trying to figure out why she allowed herself to do that when in reality it was just a mistake because the coworker got her at a vulnerable time. Just before marriage when emotions were running high. But I feel this is where the confusion comes in to play she’s trying to find a reason and think she maybe she wants an open relationship and that’s why she allowed that to happen but I know her so well and I know she would not want that. Anyways I guess we will see how the no contact rule works for me.

  23. Alex

    December 4, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    And what could this mean?I ruined everything asking him If it is what he wants for sure?He had problems with it so I wanted to protect myself but maybe the words were not right.It all went too fast but he was the one to commit after I just told him about a fact that we act like a couple.I Am implementing during this “mini no contact” all the theories even more like being UG ,or going out with friends ,going to the gym etc.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 7:25 pm

      Hi Alex,

      Don’t ask. You will look like you’re chasing him.. Just be casual and indifferent.. That’s good that you’re busy, but if you really want to convey that you have your own life, you wouldn’t worry if he needs more time, because you barely have time for him..

  24. Alex

    December 4, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    Hi Amor,
    So i told you about my current situation in last post i think(with an ex that i reunited with And then he was still not sure about His feelings and said he wants to go slow and spend some time together first to do it maturely and not to hurt anyone in the process)so he never told me that he needs space but I can feel it (he is not very talkative now so I just left him like this,only thing he does is liking my ig photos and seeing my stories).I want to text him this Sunday (it will be more than week with no contact) but I don’t know how?Something positive and normal?Or ask him if he needs more time or ask about what he told
    me before we stopped talking?Thanks

  25. Emily

    December 4, 2017 at 11:35 am

    My “space” story is lengthy, but in short my EX asked for space about 8months ago. After spending 7 weeks apart we got back together. Now, a week ago, he breaks up with me again … saying very similar things like “he needs to overhaul his life,” “I love you but it’s too straining,” “haven’t you ever tried so much and cared so much that you just move on?” Etc. So…. of course my first instinct (in the first 24 hrs) was to fight for him back. Then for a full week I did NC. But over the weekend I was back home (I live in a different city now) and texted to try to get together it started a disagreement how “he’s doing what’s best for us” . Serious deja vu here. Not ready to give him up yet.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 7:18 pm

      Hi Emily,

      Try at least 45 days of nc, start a new routine, have your own life and then take it slow in building rapport after that and maintain your new routine, even if you got back with him.

  26. Courtney

    December 4, 2017 at 3:23 am

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me about two months ago, since then we’ve still continued to talk. After he broke up with me I gave him space and he text me a week later after NC, we’ve talked ever since, have hung out a few times and even hooked up a few times, anytime we talk or hangout it’s like we never even broke up, he even still tells me he has love for me and cares about me, but he says he broke up with me because he feels like we rushed into the relationship in the first place which I agreed we did, we only were talking for about a month and then started dating and we were together for about 6 months, we also argued a lot and it added a lot of stress onto him and our relationship. But ever since he broke up with me things have been good for the most part between us, he says he isn’t talking to any other girls whether that is true I’m not sure, the few times we have gotten into arguments after our break up, I would tell him that I will give him space and that I loved him, only for him to text me a few hours later or the following day. I’m just confused where to go from here. He said he is just focusing on himself and doesn’t want added stress onto him because of work and he is moving into a new house soon but I just don’t know if I should continue to wait on him. Since we’ve broken up I do my own thing completely, going to the gym, hanging out with friends and let hours pass between texts sometimes between him and I to make him think I’m doing different things. What should I do now? Give up? Continue to wait? Help me please!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 2:06 am

      Hi Courtney,

      If you’re sleeping with him but you’re not officially back together, that means you’re not friends with benefits.. check this one:
      EBR 030: What To Do If You Sleep With Your Ex Boyfriend

  27. Sierra

    December 3, 2017 at 11:19 pm

    Hello,
    So I’ve been dating this new guy for about 4 months now and he’s been really good to me he takes me out on dates and is a gentleman to me today I asked him about where does he see our relationship going and asked him if he’s comfortable making things official from his body language he seemed uncomfortable and was a little reluctant to say that I’m his girlfriend. I told him that I like taking it slow and that it doesn’t have to get really serious so soon he says he likes the way things are I feel like he isn’t really taking the relationship seriously or maybe it’s too fast for him right now. I want to give him and myself some space because it was an awkward conversation and idk if I’m wasting my time or not. Do you think I should give him space and not see him in a while in order for him to make that decision while I try to figure things out for myself? Also he is going through some family issues right now and I found out he is having money issues as well although he’s too proud to tell me I kind of assumed based off of how he’s been acting lately

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:59 am

      Hi Sierra,

      Yup, I agree with giving both of yourselves time apart..

  28. Heartbrokengirl

    December 3, 2017 at 7:35 pm

    My ex broke up with me on 11/22. He blindsided me completely. We were in long distance relationship but we were happy, never fought. The day before he broke up with me, we had an long but very confusing conversation about our future. He was panicking and asked me so many questions that I don’t have an answer for, questions about what our future looks like even 5- 10 years down the road. He was so stressed out and I have never seen it before. He suddenly didn’t want to do any of the plans we talked about for our future. He is 24 European and I’m 30 American. We met while we were traveling and we traveled for 4 months and LDR for 7 mos. We talked about moving to each other’s country and then travel more after. He is the best person I’ve ever dated. It broke my heart that he didn’t want to be with me all in a sudden and I’m crying all the time. I’m still in shock actually. My friends told me he is too young. The fact that he has been traveling for 2 years and he is heading home soon, but he doesn’t have a career plan whatsoever. He hasn’t contact me at all after the break up. He still follows me on Instagram, and he views my stories but never liked me photos. We are still friends on fb. I never stalk him on any social media, I unfollowed him on Instagram. After the break up, I sent him a message basically saying that “if you want figure what you want and who you are, I respect it. I hope I will be still be here when you are ready. Till then, I know I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me 100%.” He wrote back saying, “your words meant a lot to me. I booked a ticket back home and hope to figure out what my plan is. Best of luck to you”

    I’m still heartbroken that he hasn’t shown that he misses me I started NC after I sent him that message on 11/26. I’m traveling again so I’m trying to post very positive pictures on insta of me having fun.

    I really miss him. We had such a good time together. I cherish every moment of it

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:53 am

  29. Rose

    December 3, 2017 at 7:04 pm

    My ex broke up with me a month ago, I went into NC and contacted him last night. Things turned sexual but then he told me he liked another girl (he thought I was with another guy but we’re just friends) he went to her house but said nothing happened. He’s worked with her from September. He said he didn’t like her when we were together and when we broke up he said there was no one else. He said he really likes her and that he feels nothing for me at all and doesn’t love me. He said I could get anyone I wanted and told me to go after this guy who is my friend. I told him I was going to let him go so he can be happy and I think he’s blocked me. Do you think he really likes her or maybe he was trying to make me jealous? Should I move on? Is there any chance he’ll come back? We were together for 2 and a half years we were each other’s first everything, he’s good at hiding his feelings and we’ve broken up before because he said I was better off without him. I really don’t know what else I can do. He knows I still love him but he said he’s happy how he is.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:09 am

      Hi,

      the more you do nc, the less it works.. so, make this your last nc, do 45 days and then take it slow in building rapport after nc and check this one:
      My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

  30. Heartbrokengirl

    December 3, 2017 at 5:41 pm

    My ex broke up with me on 11/22. He blindsided me completely. We were in long distance relationship but we were happy, never fought. The day before he broke up with me, we had an long but very confusing conversation about our future. He was panicking and asked me so many questions that I don’t have an answer for, questions about what our future looks like even 5- 10 years down the road. He was so stressed out and I have never seen it before. He suddenly didn’t want to do any of the plans we talked about for our future. He is 24 European and I’m 30 American. We met while we were traveling and we traveled for 4 months and LDR for 7 mos. We talked about moving to each other’s country and then travel more after. He is the best person I’ve ever dated. It broke my heart that he didn’t want to be with me all in a sudden and I’m crying all the time. I’m still in shock actually. My friends told me he is too young. The fact that he has been traveling for 2 years and he is heading home soon, but he doesn’t have a career plan whatsoever. He hasn’t contact me at all after the break up. He still follows me on Instagram, and he views my stories but never liked me photos. We are still friends on fb. I never stalk him on any social media, I unfollowed him on Instagram. After the break up, I sent him a message basically saying that “if you want figure what you want and who you are, I respect it. I hope I will be still be here when you are ready. Till then, I know I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me 100%.” He wrote back saying, “your words meant a lot to me. I booked a ticket back home and hope to figure out what my plan is. Best of luck to you”

    I’m still heartbroken that he hasn’t shown that he misses me I started NC after I sent him that message on 11/26. I’m traveling again so I’m trying to post very positive pictures on insta of me having fun.

    I really miss him. We had such a good time together. I cherish every moment of it

  31. Rina

    December 3, 2017 at 2:43 pm

    Hi,

    1) he told me he wanted a clean break and need time to think. I gnatted him and we ended up breaking up 3 days later

    2) we have broken up for over a month, did the NC rule except that 2 weeks into it I texted him to return my things and for him to take his things but he replied only when he has the time. But he seems free so idk why he’s dragging it

    3) since the last text, I haven’t texted him. It’s been 2 weeks. Does it seem like he couldn’t care less about me and has moved on? How Can I get him back?

    Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:41 am

      Hi Rina,

      how active are you in improving yourself and in posting in social media?

  32. Rina

    December 3, 2017 at 4:00 am

    He said he wanted a clean break and needed some time. I gnatted him and he broke up with me 3 days later. We haven’t contacted for a month, except 2 weeks ago I texted him to return my stuff at his place. He said he will when he has the time. I started the NC rule again after that. What should I do now to make him come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:41 am

      Hi Rina,

      how active are you in improving yourself and in posting in social media?

  33. Jadez

    December 2, 2017 at 1:54 pm

    Hi! Me and my partner were together almost 7 years he woke up one day and decided he didn’t wanna be with me anymore, he said he needs time as he’s not sure what will happen in the future? I’m absolutely gutted! He was my world! I’m currently in the process of moving aswell so I’ll be even further away 🙁 so I even bother? I’m on day 3 of no contact (only messaged back over children)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:24 am

  34. Vanessa

    December 2, 2017 at 9:24 am

    Hi team.

    My ex and I were in a LDR for 6 months.
    We try to see each other once a month but can’t do it since nov because he s super busy. He started to be distinct since late oct. We didn’t fight or argue etc. In early Nov, he said he s in a disaster due to work, family issues and bad addictions which he try to stop. He s trying to find balance in life. He told me he need some time then he would be normal again. During the period I didn’t express negative emotions to him. I just try to be normal updating him about my life and encouraging him. And didn’t dare to ask deep about his issues (Is that gnatting ? 60:40 but I really need to wait a long long time for his response) we didn’t do any phone conversation during the time for giving him more space. I mail him little gifts, He thank me for being a caring person. Another thing is he’s lonely at home, my stuff reminds him of me, he said he s lucky to have me for showing so much love to him. I thought we can pass this but he broke up with me in mid Nov, saying he s emotionless due to busy work, family issues and addictions. Originally we plan to meet in Dec but now he changed his mind. Again I hold my disappointment saying it’s fine for not coming in Dec. Then trying to remind him about our happy memories in the past. He said he really can’t think of anything now.

    So I start the NC immediately. Now it’s already 15 days but he still didn’t reach out. I think his problems are hard to solve in a short period of time. Does 30 days NC enough or should it be longer ? What should I do now ? I wonder if he still have feelings to me. In these NC days I find him online more frequently than before. Busy work or is that an excuse ? And do I do it right when he said he needs time?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2017 at 1:23 am

      HI Vanessa,

      restart the count, do 30 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media but don’t social media stalk him.. Looks like he’s reason was just an excuse..

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