By Sarah Drees

I had this friend back in college. Her boyfriend at the time told her he needed space.

So, she did something that I thought was absolutely ludicrous at the time. She looked him dead in the eye and said,

“Okay. Have all the space you need.”

and walked away.

My jaw hit the floor when she told me.

“You did what?!”

Less than 36 hours after that she gets a call,

“Baby, I was wrong! Please don’t leave me!”

What was this magic she had spun?

Somehow, she had convinced the man who was clearly preparing to leave her that, instead, she was leaving him.

It was genius!

It was impossible!

Wasn’t it?

Well… obviously not.

If you’ve arrived at this article, I’m going to guess that you likely fall into one of the below categories:

  1. Your boyfriend asked you to give him space and you think he might break up with you
  2. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you gnatted him and then he asked for space
  3. You’re trying out or thinking about trying out the No Contact Rule and are afraid that if you give your ex-boyfriend space, that he might not come back

Fear not! We are going to tackle the art of giving him “space” in-depth so you will leave here feeling confident that giving your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend space is nowhere near as scary as it seems and you may even find that you enjoy having the space.

But first, let’s talk about a few things:

  • What it means to give someone space
  • Some of the reasons why a guy might ask for space in the first place
  • And what to do if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend asks for space

What is Space?

As I was preparing to write this article I literally wrote down on a piece of paper “What is Space?” This led me to several deeper thoughts such as “what is space,” “what is time,” “what is life.”

Wow, that got deep and scary fast. Once I got past those flashbacks from philosophy 101 and I was done questioning the meaning of my existence, I came up with the following:

Space is something that a person may need to disconnect and “refresh” in order to allow themselves to think about certain things and reflect upon something weighing on their mind.

I wrote the definitive eBook about giving people space, “The No Contact Rule Book.  Go pick up a copy!

More simply and bluntly put, he is looking to be left alone for a while.

For purposes of this article, we are going to roll with this understanding.

Before we move on, some of you are probably wondering “well, what if he didn’t say he needed space, but he said that he needed time? That is totally different right?” Well no, not really. For purposes of EBR and this article, think of a guy asking for space and a guy asking for time to be pretty much the same thing. He is looking to be left alone for a while.

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Why Did He Ask For Space?

There are a number of specific reasons a guy may ask for space:

  • He’s really busy
  • He has a lot of stress from him family, school, work, etc. right now
  • He’s tired of arguing
  • He’s confused
  • He’s trying to regain control
  • etc.

The list really can go on and on and on. I would encourage you to try not and dwell on finding a specific reason why he may have asked for space, especially, if things seemed like they were going well before he asked for space. If you know why he asked for space because he told you; great! If not, try not to over-analyze it.

The important thing to understand, is that when guys get overwhelmed, they handle their emotions differently than women. As women, we tend to seek out friends and family for support or to vent to. Guys typically do not do this. Men are more likely to bottle things up inside.

Because of this, guys can carry around a lot on a daily basis. Extra emotions or a fight can be enough to cause a guy’s plate to overflow, causing him to try to remove or avoid something from his plate. In this case, if he’s asked for space, you are thing he is trying to remove.

Another thing that is important to understand about men is that they are naturally problem solvers. Men are more likely to retreat and want to “reappear” once they have come up with a solution. They don’t want to necessarily be seen as they are trying to work through things and come up with a solution.

What Should I Do If He Asks for Space?

Simple.

GIVE HIM SPACE.

Definitely give him space.

There are a number of more obvious reasons why giving him the space he has asked for makes the most sense, such as it is more respectful and the more mature thing to do.

However, I know that if you’ve arrived on this page, you probably already know this and so far, you are not convinced that giving him space will work and is the best thing to do. Everything in you is telling you to chase him.

You ask, “Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

So, let’s start by taking a moment to explore what your other option is: Don’t give him space and continue to reach out at a normal or higher rate.

If you are considering this, you may be doing so because you are worried that giving him space will prevent him from coming back. You may feel that reaching out to him as if everything is “normal” may make him realize that he is making a mistake asking for space. Or, you may feel the need to convince him that you two belong together and that you can talk through whatever the issue is and space is not necessary. You may be wanting to show him that your love can conquer whatever it is that made him think that space was the only way to handle it.

I want to make this point really clear… so, I’m going to underline it AND bold it….

Continuing to try to talk to him, text him, or chase after him after he has asked for space is only going to push him further away.

We even have a word here at EBR for continuing to pester someone with texts, calls, emails, and anything else and this is called “gnatting.”

You can read about it here, in “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”  when you’ve finished reading this article. Basically, it’s texting or calling excessively.

Is it gnatting even if I text him like I normally would… nothing more?

YES!

He’s asked you to give him space (a complete disconnect) and you are giving him more than he wants. It’s annoying.

You know when a fly or a gnat is buzzing around and you can’t seem to get it to go away? That is how your ex boyfriend feels when you keep trying to force him to connect when he doesn’t want to.

Please do not be a gnat. Our pros over at EBR will all tell you that gnatting will lower your chances of getting your ex to come back.

That’s right! Gnatting, not giving him space is what will hurt your chances of him coming back.

I polled 10 random guys today. I asked them the following question:

“Would you be more likely to want to get back with someone who

a) you asked for space from and this person gave it to you

or

b) you asked for space from and they texted and/or called you trying to “fix” the situation?”

The results are below:

a) 10 votes

b) 0 votes

That’s right! 100% of guys said that they would be more likely to want to get back together with the person that respected their request and gave them space!

Why Giving Him Space and the No Contact Rule is the Best Option

Giving him space and utilizing the No Contact Rule will allow your boyfriend or ex boyfriend the opportunity to “reset” any bad feelings that he may have towards you. If you haven’t broken up and your boyfriend says he needs space, he is probably feeling stressed or overwhelmed by something in the relationship. He may need time to retreat and come up with the solution, like we talked about at the top of this article.

If you have broken up and you gnatted causing your ex-boyfriend to ask for space, it is paramount that you give your ex-boyfriend space now and begin implementing the No Contact Rule.

So why not learn much more – Get Your Copy of My eBook The No Contact Rule Book

Anything else you do after he asks for space is really going to move you towards the “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend” territory and really, who wants to be her? NOT YOU!!!

In the meantime, focus on becoming ungettable and the best possible version of you.

If you are unsure what Ungettable means, here is a link to an article explaining the term. It is unique to the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, but the concept is pretty easy to follow.

A “Real Life” Example

Think about a dog for a minute.

Imagine that you are standing on an open road. You and the dog are looking directly at each other but there is some distance between you, say 10 feet. This may sound funny but I want you to take a moment and try to picture your ex-boyfriend as that dog. Now I want you to image that dog turning around and walking the other way… The dog is creating space between you and him, just like your ex boyfriend.

Now, your first instinct may be to panic, to run after the dog, or to call it back to you and maybe even offer it a treat. However, if you chase after the dog (your ex boyfriend), what is the dog likely to do? The dog is likely to run away further. The dog may even enjoy being chased by you. If you call the dog back to you and offer it a treat, it may or may not come but if it doesn’t the dog is going to know that walking away from you sure got your attention and he was rewarded, thus this will encourage the dog to do it again. You don’t want to go this route either.
So, if those options don’t work, let’s imagine what you should do. You’re back on the street and the dog is walking away from you. Imagine instead, that you stand there and do nothing. Or, better yet, you turn around and start walking the other way, away from the dog. Now, imagine that when the dog turns around to see if you are following him, he instead sees that you are out having the time of your life! Maybe you’re even giving his much beloved treats to another dog.

What do you think the dog is going to be inclined to do?

If you said come running back, you are right!

Now, let’s apply this example to ex. Your boyfriend asks for space. Instead of freaking out and chasing after him, you simply respect his space. In the meantime you go off and do some UG (Ungettable) things. When your ex boyfriend checks in on you (whether directly by texting you or indirectly through mutual friends or by looking at your social media) he will see that you are off having fun. Your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will be much MORE LIKELY to come back simply because you respected his space and even made the most of it and had a little fun for yourself!

Space isn’t sounding too bad anymore, is it?

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You Still Have Reservations?

Wow, you’re still not convinced, huh?

I could just tell you that giving him the space he asked for could not only turn out to be awesome, but that it could strengthen your bond with your ex.

I could tell you that it may even HELP your chances of him coming back!

I’m guessing that if you still are not convinced that you have some other concerns about giving your guy space, so let’s talk through some of the more common questions I see when giving girls advice on our EBR Support Group. 

Will Giving Him Space Make Him Fall Out of Love With Me?

No, we are talking about you giving him space for a short period of time (typically no more than your no contact period). People cannot fall out of love in a matter of weeks. Respecting his space will show maturity and independence which should only make you more attractive in his eyes.

What If He Meets Someone Else While I’m Giving Him Space?

Well, I don’t want to lie to you so it is possible that he could meet another girl while you are giving him space or in No Contact. However, it is highly likely that this person will be a rebound and it will be very short-lived. There are other methods EBR offers to help in these specific situations… so, don’t worry. It’s not hopeless.

How Long Should I Give Him Space For?

I have to admit, this is tricky to answer but I felt like this is probably a really common question so I wanted to take a stab although there is not a “one size fits all” answer here.

If you are still dating and your boyfriend had asked for space, I would recommend giving him space for at least a week or until he reaches out. If he does not respond positively to your reach out after 1 week, do not gnat but give him another week of space. Remember, in the meantime, try to have fun!

Now, if you are broken up you need to give your boyfriend space until your No Contact period is up. You may be thinking, “what if he reaches out before then; has he had enough space?” Stick to your No Contact period and follow the No Contact Rule Book.

Story Time….

Let me leave you with a story, you’ll never guess who it is about…

No really, guess.

Okay fine, I’ll tell you, it is about me! The year was 2008 and I was in my first real High School relationship.

I know. Everybody say it with me…

So this guy, let’s call him “A.”

A and I had a great relationship that moved really quickly. We were in “love” after three weeks of dating. I know, it’s laughable now but this has an important lesson that came with it…

After about two months of being on a romantic high, A completely blindsided me and asked for “space.”

We were not fighting, we were perfect. I thought I was going to marry him and have his babies. I’m completely joking… only kind of, but not really…

Anyway, after A asked for space, I remember thinking that I must show him that space would only pull us apart and lessen our love; that I should show him that I was willing to fight for him and that this would prove to him that we were meant to be together.

I totally gnatted him for a week.

If you are still unclear on what gnatting is, you can read more about it here.

What was the result? He broke up with me a week later. I cried, and cried, and cried. But I DID NOT CONTACT HIM. I inadvertently began no contact and guess what, two weeks later he was BEGGING for me back.

Moral of the story is this: once I finally gave A the space that he was looking for, he was able to realize how much he missed me and how much our relationship meant to him. He began to wonder what I was doing and wanted to talk to me. Give the guy space and show him what he is missing out on.

A Quick Recap

So, something I have found in working with Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that, if we don’t do some kind of recap at the end of an article, our readers tend to pick on point that I made and forget the rest of the article altogether.

So, let’s look at what we discussed today.

  1. When a person asks for space, they are wanting a disconnect from the person they are asking for space from. The want time alone.
  2. There are plenty of reasons that your ex could be asking for space. The important thing is not to get hung up on the “Why?
  3. If he is asking for space, the absolutely BEST option is to GIVE IT TO THEM. Most of the time people don’t know what they want and when they get it they almost instantly realize that it is not what they really wanted.
  4. Then we talked about the reasons you might doubt that this will work… Well, you’re wrong. 9 times out of 10 it will work.

I also try to hook you guys up with a video that can help you moving forward.

For this topic today I think that THIS video is the perfect one for those of you in this situation.

Alright So, I’m going to do one more thing for you today.

I know… she has more?!

You’re probably wondering,

“What did I ever do to deserve such gifts?”

Well, you just clicked on the right article today, my friend.

I am going to open up the comments below for discussion. I want to hear about your situation with your asking you for space.

From there we can discuss your next action.

  1. How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?
  2. Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
  3. What have you done since he asked for space?

320 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

  1. Letlotlo Phetlhu

    October 5, 2018 at 1:13 am

    Hi, so me and my ex boyfriend broke up but I want him back. We were fighting a lot, his not a confrontational person so in most cases I would bring up something and he would completely ignore me and that made me more angry. He even stopped trying to communicate with me, I was the one that tried texting and calling him. One day I broke up with him and he didn’t even question it. A few days later I told him I made a mistake but he said he needs to sort things out and I should wait for him. A week later in my drunken I drunk texted him and told him mean things and I felt really bad and tried to apologize a few days later but he completely shut me down and said his tired of me. A few days later I asked him to give me a chance to prove that it will be different and asked to at least give him a chance to think about it. It is basically a long relationship and I’m in his City for a few days and I would like to know if he thought about it before a leave the city again. My friends say I should just leave him alone and move on but I still love him and I want to fight for us and show him it will be different. But I don’t know what to do. I fight with myself everyday with contacting him.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:10 am

      Fighting brings down the spirits an I am sorry you had to go thru that. You should consider implementing the no contact rule and following along in the way I teach it in my Program. It will allow you time to figure things out and accomplish other things too.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:10 am

      Fighting brings down the spirits an I am sorry you had to go thru that. You should consider implementing the no contact rule and following along in the way I teach it in my Program. It will allow you time to figure things out and accomplish other things too.

  2. Kelsey

    October 4, 2018 at 10:21 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago due to circumstances. He’s a separated man and he needs space and time to think about his courses of actions to take for the upcoming divorce and custody of kids, which he’s afraid of losing of if word gets out of us.

    We agreed mutually to just remain friends for now so he can focus on himself and self reflect / grieve over his marriage, whatever he needs to do to sort himself out. He still texts me yesterday, we are in contact, not a lot but just normal texting about what we did.

    I’m not sure about the no contact rule.. I’m thinking to not contact him but if he initiates contact I would want to reply him. We broke up very amicably. It’s a case of right person wrong time, we never had any quarrels or fights. It’s all because of the circumstance he’s in.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:19 am

      Hi Kelsey!

      Seems like he is still engaged in keeping a connection with you. I agree with your assessment about holding off on NC.

  3. Alex

    September 27, 2018 at 2:42 am

    Hi. My boyfriend of 3 years has recently broke up with me.. it really broke me to the point I tried to contact him in every way possible for days, and at one point I was mean to him and tried to make people hate him which I feel really bad about. Our relationship wasn’t always perfect, sometimes we’d argue a lot, he cheated on me before because I got really controlling and wouldn’t let him do certain things. I have now realised my mistakes when he’s left, we broke up a few times before and I’d always manage to get him back begging him to come back, but now he just blocked me on everything and told me he never wants to speak to me again. I have no idea what to do, he really means everything to me and I don’t want him to lose feelings for me and be gone forever… he said he needs space and a breakup is a breakup, I didn’t give it to him for the first few days but I think now I have realised I need to.. I’m really scared he’s gonna run to someone new… what can I do in this situation to get him back? I really want to show him I’ve changed and that I will treat him fair. He just doesn’t believe me:( he called me last night and told me he loved me, but didn’t want to get back together..please help

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 28, 2018 at 3:14 am

      Hi Alex!

      Sometimes guys overreact and say all kinds of things. He is far from perfect and probably needs some space to examine not just himself, but your true value which I don’t think he appreciates enough. Take a look at my program…it has a lot to offer in helping you with what to do during the breakup period.

  4. Natalie

    September 14, 2018 at 11:06 am

    Hi my bf ended things about 7 weeks ago initially after a year of complete happiness for us both, I was integrated into his life completely including his children’s lives, had met his ex wife and all of his family etc… we only ever laughed and had fun and then one Monday he said he wasn’t sure how he felt about me and that he felt we were at different places…… heartbroken I packed my things up and left but continued after a few days to message him, we got back together after 2 weeks and agreed to take things slowly but he wanted me to stay every night for 2 weeks which I asked him why and he said because it feels right when you’re here….. 2 weeks later again he started acting completely out of character, no messages, no calls, drinking a lot and trying to be one of the lads – he is 45…. I had to ask him again what was going on as we had agreed to try but he hadn’t even started to and he said again I think we are in different places…… I told him he should have taken time to think about things properly and was clearly confused so I wasn’t going to contact him again for a couple of months to give him some space, but I miss him so much – he was literally the best friend I’ve ever had and our relationship was perfect up until 7 week ago, happy kids, happy man, happy me so I am really confused why he acted in this way – I’m 3 weeks into no contact now and I have to say although I am trying to keep busy and heal myself it’s hard and I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing as it’s not just him I miss but his children too who I feel have just been removed from my life! Any advice would be most welcome right now as i am trying to be happy but the thought of never seeing any of them again is harder than anything I’ve had to do before – even my divorce after 20 years of marriage!

  5. Christine

    September 10, 2018 at 9:05 am

    Hello! I’m writing because I’m honestly going insane lol My bf with which I’d been with for 3.5 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. Our relationship was not the best, we always fought, especially the last year when I found out that he cheated on me. I admit that during this last year I became paranoid and would control him, his phone, where he’d go and stuff. We broke up and then came back together several times, but during those times it was always me who wanted to end things between us. Then, 2 weeks ago he told me that he wanted some time to think because he a) felt suffocated by our relationship, b) my parents are strict and wouldn’t let me sleep at his house or go on a vacation just him and me, c) he was confused because he didn’t know if he was with me out of guilt for cheating or because he loved me. My first reaction was to get and angry and tell him to just break up, but that same night I regretted it and called him repeatedly. At first he would not answer, but when he did he told me that he couldn’t do it anymore and that he was sorry. That he was really really confused and wanted to be left alone. So I did. I’m on the 2nd week of NC. And although, I’ve been constantly checking his social media, I haven’t reached out to him. Recently, I saw that he was watching my IG stories (around 2 days ago) – I haven’t. I’ve refrained myself from watching his. However, today I saw that he put his profile on private. Im on week 2 of NC, but I wonder if I should reach out to him or not? (He’s always been the type to text or call me repeatedly while I’ve always been the “chill” one in our relationship. He even confessed to me that same night when I called him repeatedly that he was not expecting me to react like that). I feel like I’m a lowly losing him and that maybe there’s nothing I can do to win him back. He has not contacted me at all, and now he’s unfriended me and even putting anything on private. Should I show him that I’m the one interested? Or should I complete the NC period? I’m genuinely so confused.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 11, 2018 at 3:23 am

      Hi Christine!

      Please don’t go insane!! Probably best to stay in NC and leverage the social media tactics. But you really need to pick up my eBook and read about all the things you should be doing to heal and not feel like you are going insane!

  6. E

    September 7, 2018 at 2:23 pm

    Are you sure people don’t fall out of love quickly? I keep hearing and seeing that it takes 21 days to fall out of love with someone…but I intend to not talk to him for 30 days. Does this mean I don’t have a chance???

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 7, 2018 at 2:51 pm

      Love does not dissipate in 21 days. Lingering attachment can last for years.

  7. Nicole

    August 24, 2018 at 1:35 pm

    My ex and I broke up a year ago. After 30 days of NC, he called me out of no where and wanted to get back together. Now, A year later we broke up again. We have been broken up for a few week now. I still lived there and we were hanging out but not having sex. I moved out of his house 5 days ago. I did ask him to work it out but his reply was no I don’t want to. My feelings for you changed. We got in a big argument, we were great for a week, a week later I lost my job and 5 days later he broke up with me, two weeks later I moved out. I have been in NC since I moved out. Do you think he will come back a second time? I’m still in love with him. We built a house together and I still see my future with him.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2018 at 12:03 am

      Hi Nicole!

      Certainly possible. Best to have a solid plan and it seems you are employing NC, but there are things you can do to reinforce your value while in NC, so get up to speed on those things…social media tactics…jealousy ploys….other clever methods to showcase your value. Guys are always watching their ex

  8. Avielle

    August 19, 2018 at 1:25 pm

    I was in a relationship with my ex where I paid all the bills and all cos he was from a low income family whereas I was from a high class family, so I really wasn’t bothered over what he couldn’t provide for me. I got him a phone, and always paid for dates, never even requested for once anything from him. All I asked him for was his commitment and time.

    My ex broke up with me cos i sexchatted with an friend, sent explicit images and all. He said he never wants to hear from me again, he said a lot of hurtful stuff. He even asked me to come take all the stuff I got for him, the phone and Lil gifts included.
    I alerted him that I would be going into NC anyways. Well I’m 3days into the NC and I’m running crazy, no response from him … He hasn’t been online on any social/chat media since then

    Do you think we still stand a chance????

    , ps(it was a year and half old relationship which he gave me a promise ring, to hold on for him till he makes it to my standards)

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2018 at 11:30 pm

      Hi Avielle!

      It seems like you have been a great girlfriend minus the mistake you made with sex chatting. He is obviously angry, but time can sometimes work to push that away. I do think No Contact is the right move. It might be a good ting to give him a heads up that you have entered a “quiet period” to focus on working on being a better “you”. Think of it as a heads up and keep it short. Also, go pick up my massive 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, as it will help improve your chances!

  9. Jessica

    August 13, 2018 at 10:10 am

    My bf and I got together 6 months ago
    It moved really fast and we fell hard for eachother
    He moved in with me 2 months into the relationship and we spent every waking second together
    We both ignored our friendships and were completely obsessed with eachother (which I now realise was a big issue and probably what led to him asking for space)
    3 weeks ago he started becoming really distant and just didn’t seem happy – affection was gone from his part and it made me try even harder.
    1 week ago I brought it up and he said he was unhappy with his life and he needed space.
    We have had no contact, but I did message him on the weekend to ask to see him for 10 minutes to know what was happening with us as something was going on with my family and I needed to be there 100% without having this on my mind. He said he was busy and not to worry what’s happening with us and we’ll talk.
    How much longer do I give him until I say enough is enough
    It’s like he’s keeping me at arms length or is a coward to just break up with me.
    I’d rather just know.

  10. Vicky

    August 12, 2018 at 10:14 am

    I had been with my partner for just over 3 1/2 years and we have been trying to buy a house together rather than driving back and forth between us, about 1 1/2 hour drive. Everything seemed really good, we don’t fight, we are in constant contact from first thing in the morning to last thing at night. We have wonderful holidays and have been really happy and in love. We are at that point though when it’s serious and getting to moving in and getting engaged and I’m not sure if it’s freaked him out. In the last 3 weeks my boyfriend had been away with work and we hadn’t been able to chat as much, he saw a fellow mentor from his past who he hadn’t seen for 10 years and since then has been less commutative. I challenged him about it and it turns out he now has all these doubts about us, our future, if it’s love, if he wants me in his life, what he wants to do, where he wants work etc. He’s questioning his whole life including me. His words and his actions don’t make sense. 2 months ago he wants to put an offer in on a house together and now he doesn’t know if he sees a future with me. As his head is in such a mess and I can’t help him work though it we agreed the best thing to do was to take a break, giving him some space to sort his head out. I’m doing NC so he has the space he needs. I know he will miss me as I’m a huge part of his life and in a typical week I’m the main person outside of work that he speaks to, the only other person is his mum once a week so I know he should feel the void I have left. My worry is whilst i’m giving him the space he needs that he’ll convince himself he doesn’t need me and he just needs time to get over me. He’s not very good at talking to people about his feelings or understanding them himself. We are meant to be going on holiday second week of September and he’s left it open to still come and said not to rule it out but I don’t know if he’s just leaving me hanging on and now that I’m giving him space I don’t feel I can saying about being in limbo.

  11. LeeLee

    August 7, 2018 at 6:56 pm

    Hi, I am really having a hard time after my break up with ex-boyfriend that I dated for a year and 2 months. We have been broken up for almost three months, but we continued to talk everyday and i have made the mistake of begging and convincing him to get back with me that first month but he says we was never getting back together. Although he said that we continued to go hang out and chill at his house atleast once a week. But recently he had one of his guy friends ask him to go hang out and everything was ok until the next day. The next day we said gm and we was just talking and he told me that the same friend asked him to go out again fishing but i got upset because i wanted to hang out with him that day and said i should have asked but i didn’t have a chance and i told him i assumed that we would hang with me today. We ended up not talking no more the rest of that day because i was upset, and the next we didn’t talk until later and we ended up arguing about it and he said he didn’t just have to hang with me and that we not even together and that i am still acting like his girlfriend but I’m not. After that my feelings was really hurt and i cried and he was like he didn’t care and ignored me while I was talking to him and said he needed space from me. So so far its been a day and a half since i started the no contact but its really hard because i really want him back but I don’t think it will work because he seem so sure that he didn’t want to get back together with me and he is really stubborn.

  12. Vj

    August 6, 2018 at 6:51 am

    My boyfriend and I have not officially broken up. We have been dating off and on over 3 years
    Nor did say he wanted his space,what he said after taking me home,”I will see you later and I said what is later,his replied was “later.” I knew he wanted his space after that. I am implementing the No Contact rule. I am not going to be a gnat at all. If or when he contacts me,it won’t be the same between us. It has only been two days since he contacted me and it hurts. I am not confused and blaming myself for his time out. He can take all the time he wants,I am moving forward with my life. I’ve learned to let go. Once you let go,them come back eventually. Take your power back so that the tables are turned around in your favor. Finally I get it!! I am high valued woman which I refuse to beg for his affections. It is hard but in the long run it works. The NCR is also to help us heal our broken heart. Learn to love yourself most of all. At the end if he does not come back,in.time you will realize it was for the best. Just wish him love and happiness..

  13. SouthernSadness

    August 1, 2018 at 3:57 pm

    Hi. I’m having a difficult time. I dated my ex for 18 months. During that time we lived about an hour apart but because of his job he was staying with me about 4-5 days a week. We had a great relationship and shared many of the same interests. Pretty much did everything together. I expressed to him that I had to stay in my city for a few more years (I’d just bought a house) but would move with him after wherever he wanted to go (he wanted somewhere smaller). 5 months went by after he’d said he would move to me. Over the 5 months I’d expressed his inability to actually do something was making me feel pretty bad. He always apologized and said that was never his intention he wanted to be with me etc he just had just never pictured living in my city but then again had never had me before either. He’s even mentioned the thought of us getting engaged. Well one day I finally came to my breaking point and we got in our first big argument. I said things I didn’t mean, and ended it with well don’t bother talking to me again…the next day I reached out etc etc..he went dark and over the past 2 months has hardly responded to me. He’s shown up 2 to see me where we talked but he said he’s still skeptical about jumping back in…he also told me that he is buying a house and it’s 17 miles from me but then goes back to not talking to me….if I don’t initiate we don’t speak. And he just closed on a house basically in the same city as me. I have no idea what to do

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 2, 2018 at 3:25 am

      Perhaps what you need is a game plan going forward. Have you looked at some of the tools and resources I offer on my site. Go to my home page and you will see there are ways in which you can better your chances thru reasoned approach.

  14. Becky

    July 27, 2018 at 10:34 pm

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years, moved in after 4 bought a house 1 year ago. I thought it was going well, no big fights, we spoke about marriage, kids next year, the future, he should have out a ring in it, he even said what he wanted a boy to be called if we had kids. He works in law enforcement, carries a lot of stress and at home he zones out. Overnight we have a minor disagreement and he says he can’t live like this anymore, we have no future, he’s accepted this isn’t going to work, I don’t understand him, I don’t listen to him and I’m not emotionally there for him, he felt like this when his relationships were ending but this time it’s different because he loves and cares for me just as much but he needs space and now. We have a beautiful relationship with our families and are very close. Nobody saw this coming or ever expected it. He wants space and now to see if his emotions come back for me and if he is making the right decision or not and if he misses me then maybe we can date again. I did everything for him, he never lifted a finger around the house. He said maybe he should have lived on his own first, stayed single for longer, do we separate, sell the house? He doesn’t know. It’s been two weeks, he hasn’t messaged me at all. He said he should know how he feels in 1-2 weeks. It’s been just that, i offered to leave the house he stays. I messaged him 3 times, to let him know I was going away ( because he said don’t withdraw go out do what makes you happy he wants to know I’m safe), and twice to let him know I’m getting something from the house. I’m devastated. He said all the right things, I never thought a disagreement would lead to us breaking up because we do regularly spoke about our future. I don’t know what to do. I’m hurt and shocked, feel like I’ve been used and what he said to me wasn’t honest because underneath he had those doubts he never told me about. He said we will touch base at some stage but I don’t know when. I want to message him and say can we touch base, when are you free to meet. I’m trying to respect what he has said but I also need to look after me. It’s hard to process how overnight i was faced with moving back in with my parents. We are still paying for everything together, he is in the house will all the comforts. I’m trying to work on self growth and happiness but am struggling with this time in between not knowing if he will want this relationship or not. When he said he is sure this relationship wasn’t going anywhere we should be further along for 5 years, I acknowledge that’s how he felt then but things can change. I want to ask to move back home and if he still wants space he can go to his parents for a bit. I miss him love him but feel like if he is willing to throw it away he never really appreciated me, although everyone else sees how much I do for him. His job is a 10/10 stress and told me at the academy people said you can’t have a relationship, it’s foe single people, and a lot of relationships fail. I feel like I truly understand him now, see how I didn’t understand his job either but a lot of the finger has been pointed at me and I’m not sure if he really gets how much he has contributed to this too by my being honest, telling me things giving me and others hope about our future then he says it’s too much he can’t live like this and needs space. I don’t know what to do or if I should reach out and say we need to touch base when are you free. His parents said don’t let it go on for too long otherwise it will get harder. I want to make initiative but not sure if he will or how long I should wait or if ever or if I should say when are you free so we can touch base like he said. Please help.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 28, 2018 at 4:53 am

      Hi Becky….5 years is a good amount of time….traction gets put down and that is good for later. It sounds like he is going through some things and perhaps space for you both will be of benefit. His behavior is unusual, but it will eventually become clearer what is driving all of this. So read up on NC. I wrote a book on it called the “No Contact Rule Book”. Check into some of the resources I offer on my Home Page. There are things you can do to optimize the recovery process while in no contact. And don’t forget, NC is not just for him to miss you and come to realize how much he values you, but its for your healing and recovery too.

  15. Hopeful Gal

    May 13, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    Hi EBR team! I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 and a half years. Our relationship was full of love, laughs and great times. We had been best friends before we began dating which made our relationship even better. He broke up with me suddenly 3 weeks ago.

    He recently started a new job which has been taking up most of his time so we haven’t been able to see each other as much as we would like. I know he’s been really stressed out lately and he suffers from depression. He said he needed space to figure himself out and didn’t want a relationship right now.
    When he broke up he was so cold and heartless, which was really out of character. I sent him an email and then he said he had made a mistake breaking up and that he loves and misses me. A few days later he broke up again saying he needed space. He blocked me on most social media. I text him and emailed him trying to reassure him that our relationship was worth fighting for, but it got me nowhere. I am now on day 12 of NC and I’m working on making myself happy and trying to stay positive but I’m so scared that he will move on and forget about me. I can’t stop thinking about him and it’s driving me crazy because I don’t know if he is thinking about and or missing me. We really had a great relationship we told each other everything, of course we had our flaws and little fights but neither of us cheated or betrayed the other. It’s just so hard not being able to talk to your best friend who is also the person that you love with all your heart.

    With regards to giving him space I’m unsure if I should not contact him for 21 days or 30 days. Also if he wants space and then doesn’t contact me during or after NC, should I still contact him? I don’t want to annoy him but I also don’t want to lose him forever. Thanks EBR team! 🙂

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 13, 2018 at 9:29 pm

      Hey there Hopeful Gal! (I love your name). I think 21 days works for your situation. I am actually hopeful for your situation. The amount of quality history…3+ years….helps create internal emotional traction. Giving him his space and taking some for yourself should be helpful. I know it can seem hopeless at times. The pain is hard to avoid. But it need not be that way. You can optimize your chances. That is why I created a resourced aimed at helping folks like yourself that are struggling. It’s called Ex Recovery Pro. Go learn more about it. You can find it under my website’s Menu Section. Click on the link for “Products”. Hang in there my friend! It is still early in this game. I think there are more Chapters to be written. Don’t forget, an important part of ex recovery, is your self recovery. I talk about this and many other things.

  16. Little nymph

    May 12, 2018 at 9:45 am

    Hey there, I been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks and he went away for a gig from Friday til Monday, I didn’t text him or bother him when he was away, I finally text him on Tuesday evening asking him how his weekend was his reply was just need time, ex emptied house at weekend, I said I was sorry and asked if there was anything I could do and not to shut me out he said all ok, don’t worry, just need time, my first thought was did I just get dumped? Now am at a loss as we became very close very quickly and it was like we instantly clicked, I felt comfortable with him then wham he’s gone. Don’t no why I get pushed away cause his ex did him wrong

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 12, 2018 at 11:52 pm

      His head may be all over the place. So just give him some space for awhile and soon you will be able to get a better read on what is going on. It sounds like he values you, but is trying to pick up some pieces of his life.

  17. Ana

    May 12, 2018 at 4:19 am

    Hello! Great article and great website although i never thought i would ever need it. My bf and i have been together for 3.5 years and lived together for 3. After recent constant fights we said really upsetting words. My bf became cold with me on messages and in communication. Though still tried to remain the same. He told me that this isnt working and that we need to live separately for a while or at least during week days and then get together on weekends. I told him that if i move out from his flat, i move out from his heart. Told him that if we cant sort things out in the same radius SqM then no point in separate living. After a week (yesterday) we had another fight. He told me he might be leaving the country in the following year. Of course i get emotional and he got super angry which upset me even more. Anyway, i calmed Him down!!!! We watched a movie and even had the following but i couldn’t stop thinking how angry he got. So the next day i told him that i might stay away not to irritate him because he is tired of arguments. He sent me a text that he needs space and need to be on his own for a while. I said ok. He said i can come around weekends if we are free…?! What the hell? I dont think i should? We have an age gap of 13 years. He is 40. When we are in harmony we are super good! I dont think i have any tears left. I really love him despite all the offending words he said. Can i set him a date until when i give him space? Since i respect his request and gave it to him, can i tell him by the end of this month he has to decide? Otherwise he will get comfortable and will get used to me being away. Also we work together in next door offices so it complicates everything…please help!!! Im dying here. 2 sleepless night, litres of tears. I want him back.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 12, 2018 at 6:00 am

      Hang in there Ana! The first 48 hours is always the worst. But you come from a good stock. Its special species of woman, called, “Anna”! So hang in there. Its going to be OK, not matter what happens. I actually like your chances. 3+ years together, mostly good, creates traction and does not slide away so easily.You might want to take a deeper dive into a Blueprint I devised that can help you with your needs. To learn more about some of the products I created, go to my website’s Menu Section and click on the link for “Products”. I think you will find some useful resources there that will help you with your situation! The ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro is a good fit, but also take a look at my Private Facebook Support Group Community. I have about 1500 women in it right now and there is a lot of idea sharing and synergy. I do think creating some space for each of yourselves will be a good tonic. 21 days is a sweet spot for lots of folks, but it varies. It wouldn’t put any strings attached to a date as to anyone having to make a decision. That just creates an artificial deadline and thats never good, though I may have misunderstood what you said. Let me know how it goes, Ana!

  18. McKenzie Holt

    May 11, 2018 at 6:13 pm

    I dated this guy for 6 months and we had a really good relationship occasionally would argue over little things. We got into a big fight and both said harsh things and he ended it. And it was a week ago. He wanted space but I was so mad and hurt that he ended it over one fight I completely have gnatted him for the past week saying stuff like “are we gonna get back” “is there another girl” “do u still love me” and he would just be so annoyed with it. We decided to block eachother both so we could have no contact at all for a week . He told me he still is in love with me and he does think about me and missed our good relationship but is tired of arguing and that he “won’t ever get back together with me and that’s the end of it” because I didn’t give him space for a week and talked to him and reached out for advice to a couple of his friends. We aren’t talking anymore but I don’t know what to do. He has said space isn’t going to change anything and that we aren’t getting back together and to move on. But cussed at me when I mentioned another guy. I’m not sure if he means it when he says he’s done for good because I have gnatted him all week, advice please!!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 11, 2018 at 9:32 pm

      Hi McKenzie….it seems to me your ex is too rule bound. Somehow you are suppose to be wrong for wanting to communicate with him and sought out advice. He seems to be acting immaturely or he has some control issues. I think implementing your own form of No Contact, with a focus on your own healing and recovery, while at the same time rebuilding your value in his eyes could be a very effective tactic. He has said a lot of words, but will he actually back them up? I an not so sure, Fights happen and its learning how to get over them and reduce them is what is important for couples. He seems to want to punish you for violating his 1 week rule and that is kinda silly in my view. So consider that, if things don’t get better. There are lots of other guys out there who are not as controlling. Things can get better, my friend! Sometimes it is a function of having a blueprint to follow. That is what I created in a massive ebook. It’s called Ex Recovery Pro. Go take a look. You can find it on my website by click the Menu Section and looking under the link for “Products”. Consider it your ex recovery pal!

  19. Gretchen Spain

    May 11, 2018 at 3:38 am

    I’ve been dating a guy for the past two months. His best friend and my best friend are a couple. They thought we’d be perfect together, so we’ve given it a shot. The first 6 weeks were great. I was amazed how easy it was to be with him. Our friends told me they’ve never seen him so happy. We were hanging out 3-4 times a week. I completely let my guard down. Around week 7, I noticed he was shorter in his texting responses. He wasn’t planning any dates, but we’d still chat little bit. I didn’t realize he was trying to create space. I thought we were on the same page. There is a lot going on in his life. He’s stressed about work and finances, etc. After a week and a half of this space(ish), I finally broke down and asked what was going on. He basically said he thinks I’m too interested. He doesn’t understand why I like him so much. Here I thought he was stressed about everything else, but it’s me he’s stressed about. I cried, we had a long conversation – which was pointless and emotional. I just felt caught off guard. Ugh. I know he cares about me and he mentioned he’s not quitting us, but I need to re-establish my value. I’m implementing the no contact rule, but I’m not sure how long I should wait

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 11, 2018 at 3:44 am

      Hi Gretchen….it sounds like he could be a bit insecure about attachments. Not rare. Just go it slow and NC is the right move. Sometimes stress from different places can a cause a guy to pull in. My best advice is you need to gain more insight and smarts on how this whole ex recovery thing works. That is why I created an ebook called, Ex Recovery Pro. Go take a look. You can get there by way of my website’s Menu, click on the link for “Products.” Chances are, you just need a few good ideas to tap into as to how the whole process works! I am thinking 21 days for NC, but read up on it…the book is of epic length, so enjoy!

  20. Jordan

    May 9, 2018 at 6:51 pm

    Hey! (Sorry I comment so much lol), so my boyfriend of 3 years recently broke up with me (about 10 days ago), it was out of the blue. He told me he needed “space” and “time” that he was “sorry for not communicating better and that I deserved more”. He switched back and forth over a couple days changing his mind to a break and even agreeing to a date. We went, had a good time, and at the end said “I’m sorry but I still want to breakup” (double whammy for me). Since then I have not contacted him and have been working on myself, lost 12 lbs and am a tanned blonde beauty! But also working on my behaviors (behaviors I realized were inappropriate after reflection)…. he has been viewing my snapchats and kept me on Facebook, but the other day I realized he unfriended me on Snapchat! It hurt I panicked…. and I deleted (not blocked) him from Facebook (sort of as well you wanted a breakup here ya go). I do love him with all my heart, and we are very compatible… I just have NO idea what’s going on in his brain… all I want to ask is what he likelihood of NC working and bringing him back to me are (and I know that’s hard to know). What’s some advice for not going insane during this period?? I have accepted we may not get back together and that does hurt but I accept I can’t control anyone’s actions, thoughts, or feelings but my own…. help!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 9, 2018 at 11:59 pm

      Always glad to hear from you Jordan! This period after a breakup is tuff for a lot of reasons, but there is a physiological reason why we go a little crazy! Its technical and I don’t want to bore you, but your brain’s reward center is using to get its dopamine fix. But take away the relationship, your brain/body goes into alert status as its not getting the kind of feel good chemicals it was accustom to receiving naturally through the relationship. Indeed, it replaced by stress hormones, so its just a bit of a mess for a spell. But you can get better with time and with the understanding of what is happening to why you feel the way you do. Physical exercise and exertion can help combat this. Keeping a journal can help. Joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community can also give you an outlet (info on my website menu/products link).. So hang in there Jordan. Its going to get better. And as to what will happen, it is hard to predict. But you can better your chances if you focus on your own self recovery and also utilize a Guide that optimizes your chances!

    2. Jordan

      May 10, 2018 at 1:58 am

      Thank you so much!

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 10, 2018 at 2:07 am

      Your welcome Jordan. You hang in there now! It is said, the future is always moving, so there are many potential outcomes. Embrace what comes and adapt.

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