By Sarah Drees

I had this friend back in college. Her boyfriend at the time told her he needed space.

So, she did something that I thought was absolutely ludicrous at the time. She looked him dead in the eye and said,

“Okay. Have all the space you need.”

and walked away.

My jaw hit the floor when she told me.

“You did what?!”

Less than 36 hours after that she gets a call,

“Baby, I was wrong! Please don’t leave me!”

What was this magic she had spun?

Somehow, she had convinced the man who was clearly preparing to leave her that, instead, she was leaving him.

It was genius!

It was impossible!

Wasn’t it?

Well… obviously not.

If you’ve arrived at this article, I’m going to guess that you likely fall into one of the below categories:

  1. Your boyfriend asked you to give him space and you think he might break up with you
  2. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you gnatted him and then he asked for space
  3. You’re trying out or thinking about trying out the No Contact Rule and are afraid that if you give your ex-boyfriend space, that he might not come back

Fear not! We are going to tackle the art of giving him “space” in-depth so you will leave here feeling confident that giving your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend space is nowhere near as scary as it seems and you may even find that you enjoy having the space.

But first, let’s talk about a few things:

  • What it means to give someone space
  • Some of the reasons why a guy might ask for space in the first place
  • And what to do if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend asks for space

What is Space?

As I was preparing to write this article I literally wrote down on a piece of paper “What is Space?” This led me to several deeper thoughts such as “what is space,” “what is time,” “what is life.”

Wow, that got deep and scary fast. Once I got past those flashbacks from philosophy 101 and I was done questioning the meaning of my existence, I came up with the following:

Space is something that a person may need to disconnect and “refresh” in order to allow themselves to think about certain things and reflect upon something weighing on their mind.

I wrote the definitive eBook about giving people space, “The No Contact Rule Book.  Go pick up a copy!

More simply and bluntly put, he is looking to be left alone for a while.

For purposes of this article, we are going to roll with this understanding.

Before we move on, some of you are probably wondering “well, what if he didn’t say he needed space, but he said that he needed time? That is totally different right?” Well no, not really. For purposes of EBR and this article, think of a guy asking for space and a guy asking for time to be pretty much the same thing. He is looking to be left alone for a while.

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Why Did He Ask For Space?

There are a number of specific reasons a guy may ask for space:

  • He’s really busy
  • He has a lot of stress from him family, school, work, etc. right now
  • He’s tired of arguing
  • He’s confused
  • He’s trying to regain control
  • etc.

The list really can go on and on and on. I would encourage you to try not and dwell on finding a specific reason why he may have asked for space, especially, if things seemed like they were going well before he asked for space. If you know why he asked for space because he told you; great! If not, try not to over-analyze it.

The important thing to understand, is that when guys get overwhelmed, they handle their emotions differently than women. As women, we tend to seek out friends and family for support or to vent to. Guys typically do not do this. Men are more likely to bottle things up inside.

Because of this, guys can carry around a lot on a daily basis. Extra emotions or a fight can be enough to cause a guy’s plate to overflow, causing him to try to remove or avoid something from his plate. In this case, if he’s asked for space, you are thing he is trying to remove.

Another thing that is important to understand about men is that they are naturally problem solvers. Men are more likely to retreat and want to “reappear” once they have come up with a solution. They don’t want to necessarily be seen as they are trying to work through things and come up with a solution.

What Should I Do If He Asks for Space?

Simple.

GIVE HIM SPACE.

Definitely give him space.

There are a number of more obvious reasons why giving him the space he has asked for makes the most sense, such as it is more respectful and the more mature thing to do.

However, I know that if you’ve arrived on this page, you probably already know this and so far, you are not convinced that giving him space will work and is the best thing to do. Everything in you is telling you to chase him.

You ask, “Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

So, let’s start by taking a moment to explore what your other option is: Don’t give him space and continue to reach out at a normal or higher rate.

If you are considering this, you may be doing so because you are worried that giving him space will prevent him from coming back. You may feel that reaching out to him as if everything is “normal” may make him realize that he is making a mistake asking for space. Or, you may feel the need to convince him that you two belong together and that you can talk through whatever the issue is and space is not necessary. You may be wanting to show him that your love can conquer whatever it is that made him think that space was the only way to handle it.

I want to make this point really clear… so, I’m going to underline it AND bold it….

Continuing to try to talk to him, text him, or chase after him after he has asked for space is only going to push him further away.

We even have a word here at EBR for continuing to pester someone with texts, calls, emails, and anything else and this is called “gnatting.”

You can read about it here, in “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”  when you’ve finished reading this article. Basically, it’s texting or calling excessively.

Is it gnatting even if I text him like I normally would… nothing more?

YES!

He’s asked you to give him space (a complete disconnect) and you are giving him more than he wants. It’s annoying.

You know when a fly or a gnat is buzzing around and you can’t seem to get it to go away? That is how your ex boyfriend feels when you keep trying to force him to connect when he doesn’t want to.

Please do not be a gnat. Our pros over at EBR will all tell you that gnatting will lower your chances of getting your ex to come back.

That’s right! Gnatting, not giving him space is what will hurt your chances of him coming back.

I polled 10 random guys today. I asked them the following question:

“Would you be more likely to want to get back with someone who

a) you asked for space from and this person gave it to you

or

b) you asked for space from and they texted and/or called you trying to “fix” the situation?”

The results are below:

a) 10 votes

b) 0 votes

That’s right! 100% of guys said that they would be more likely to want to get back together with the person that respected their request and gave them space!

Why Giving Him Space and the No Contact Rule is the Best Option

Giving him space and utilizing the No Contact Rule will allow your boyfriend or ex boyfriend the opportunity to “reset” any bad feelings that he may have towards you. If you haven’t broken up and your boyfriend says he needs space, he is probably feeling stressed or overwhelmed by something in the relationship. He may need time to retreat and come up with the solution, like we talked about at the top of this article.

If you have broken up and you gnatted causing your ex-boyfriend to ask for space, it is paramount that you give your ex-boyfriend space now and begin implementing the No Contact Rule.

So why not learn much more – Get Your Copy of My eBook The No Contact Rule Book

Anything else you do after he asks for space is really going to move you towards the “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend” territory and really, who wants to be her? NOT YOU!!!

In the meantime, focus on becoming ungettable and the best possible version of you.

If you are unsure what Ungettable means, here is a link to an article explaining the term. It is unique to the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, but the concept is pretty easy to follow.

A “Real Life” Example

Think about a dog for a minute.

Imagine that you are standing on an open road. You and the dog are looking directly at each other but there is some distance between you, say 10 feet. This may sound funny but I want you to take a moment and try to picture your ex-boyfriend as that dog. Now I want you to image that dog turning around and walking the other way… The dog is creating space between you and him, just like your ex boyfriend.

Now, your first instinct may be to panic, to run after the dog, or to call it back to you and maybe even offer it a treat. However, if you chase after the dog (your ex boyfriend), what is the dog likely to do? The dog is likely to run away further. The dog may even enjoy being chased by you. If you call the dog back to you and offer it a treat, it may or may not come but if it doesn’t the dog is going to know that walking away from you sure got your attention and he was rewarded, thus this will encourage the dog to do it again. You don’t want to go this route either.
So, if those options don’t work, let’s imagine what you should do. You’re back on the street and the dog is walking away from you. Imagine instead, that you stand there and do nothing. Or, better yet, you turn around and start walking the other way, away from the dog. Now, imagine that when the dog turns around to see if you are following him, he instead sees that you are out having the time of your life! Maybe you’re even giving his much beloved treats to another dog.

What do you think the dog is going to be inclined to do?

If you said come running back, you are right!

Now, let’s apply this example to ex. Your boyfriend asks for space. Instead of freaking out and chasing after him, you simply respect his space. In the meantime you go off and do some UG (Ungettable) things. When your ex boyfriend checks in on you (whether directly by texting you or indirectly through mutual friends or by looking at your social media) he will see that you are off having fun. Your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will be much MORE LIKELY to come back simply because you respected his space and even made the most of it and had a little fun for yourself!

Space isn’t sounding too bad anymore, is it?

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You Still Have Reservations?

Wow, you’re still not convinced, huh?

I could just tell you that giving him the space he asked for could not only turn out to be awesome, but that it could strengthen your bond with your ex.

I could tell you that it may even HELP your chances of him coming back!

I’m guessing that if you still are not convinced that you have some other concerns about giving your guy space, so let’s talk through some of the more common questions I see when giving girls advice on our EBR Support Group. 

Will Giving Him Space Make Him Fall Out of Love With Me?

No, we are talking about you giving him space for a short period of time (typically no more than your no contact period). People cannot fall out of love in a matter of weeks. Respecting his space will show maturity and independence which should only make you more attractive in his eyes.

What If He Meets Someone Else While I’m Giving Him Space?

Well, I don’t want to lie to you so it is possible that he could meet another girl while you are giving him space or in No Contact. However, it is highly likely that this person will be a rebound and it will be very short-lived. There are other methods EBR offers to help in these specific situations… so, don’t worry. It’s not hopeless.

How Long Should I Give Him Space For?

I have to admit, this is tricky to answer but I felt like this is probably a really common question so I wanted to take a stab although there is not a “one size fits all” answer here.

If you are still dating and your boyfriend had asked for space, I would recommend giving him space for at least a week or until he reaches out. If he does not respond positively to your reach out after 1 week, do not gnat but give him another week of space. Remember, in the meantime, try to have fun!

Now, if you are broken up you need to give your boyfriend space until your No Contact period is up. You may be thinking, “what if he reaches out before then; has he had enough space?” Stick to your No Contact period and follow the No Contact Rule Book.

Story Time….

Let me leave you with a story, you’ll never guess who it is about…

No really, guess.

Okay fine, I’ll tell you, it is about me! The year was 2008 and I was in my first real High School relationship.

I know. Everybody say it with me…

So this guy, let’s call him “A.”

A and I had a great relationship that moved really quickly. We were in “love” after three weeks of dating. I know, it’s laughable now but this has an important lesson that came with it…

After about two months of being on a romantic high, A completely blindsided me and asked for “space.”

We were not fighting, we were perfect. I thought I was going to marry him and have his babies. I’m completely joking… only kind of, but not really…

Anyway, after A asked for space, I remember thinking that I must show him that space would only pull us apart and lessen our love; that I should show him that I was willing to fight for him and that this would prove to him that we were meant to be together.

I totally gnatted him for a week.

If you are still unclear on what gnatting is, you can read more about it here.

What was the result? He broke up with me a week later. I cried, and cried, and cried. But I DID NOT CONTACT HIM. I inadvertently began no contact and guess what, two weeks later he was BEGGING for me back.

Moral of the story is this: once I finally gave A the space that he was looking for, he was able to realize how much he missed me and how much our relationship meant to him. He began to wonder what I was doing and wanted to talk to me. Give the guy space and show him what he is missing out on.

A Quick Recap

So, something I have found in working with Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that, if we don’t do some kind of recap at the end of an article, our readers tend to pick on point that I made and forget the rest of the article altogether.

So, let’s look at what we discussed today.

  1. When a person asks for space, they are wanting a disconnect from the person they are asking for space from. The want time alone.
  2. There are plenty of reasons that your ex could be asking for space. The important thing is not to get hung up on the “Why?
  3. If he is asking for space, the absolutely BEST option is to GIVE IT TO THEM. Most of the time people don’t know what they want and when they get it they almost instantly realize that it is not what they really wanted.
  4. Then we talked about the reasons you might doubt that this will work… Well, you’re wrong. 9 times out of 10 it will work.

I also try to hook you guys up with a video that can help you moving forward.

For this topic today I think that THIS video is the perfect one for those of you in this situation.

Alright So, I’m going to do one more thing for you today.

I know… she has more?!

You’re probably wondering,

“What did I ever do to deserve such gifts?”

Well, you just clicked on the right article today, my friend.

I am going to open up the comments below for discussion. I want to hear about your situation with your asking you for space.

From there we can discuss your next action.

  1. How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?
  2. Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
  3. What have you done since he asked for space?

347 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

  1. Lyn

    December 14, 2018 at 4:41 pm

    Hey, Chris.
    My name is Lyn. First, of all, thank you for writing this article. I have a semi touchy situation, and I’d like to know if you could answer a couple of questions. Typical girl meets guy, guy says girl is his best friend, they fall for one another, guy asks girl out, they begin dating long distance. It was a short but intense relationship. We were best friends for months before he asked me out because he said I was so different from all the other girls he dated he was afraid to ask and thought I’d say no.
    We were the epitome of best friends: telling each other secrets and fears, hopes and dreams, working with each other to solve problems, supporting one another, things we had never told anyone else and having a blast while doing it. We knew each other 5 months before he said he fell in love and another 3 before he asked me out.
    The relationship was deep and intense, and I loved being in a relationship with my best friend. It lasted almost 2 months, and then he said he needed a break from us. He had a panic attack about how serious we were getting and how fast it was moving. He is young, and he said he had barely started his life. At that point, he said he was still in love with me. I didn’t initiate any conversations, although I answered him, albeit on my time, when he texted me.
    A week later, last night, we had a discussion, and after the initial discussion about a thought provoking video, he said his feelings of being in love with me faded during that conversation and what I said to him made him frustrated at himself becaused we are too similar, and he needed someone who didn’t always know what to say to him when he was sad or angry, that he needed someone who could work with him to solve his problems instead of a “quick fix”, and he said when I did that, he knew I was right and felt like he couldn’t do anything but agree with me, which made him frustrated at himself. I told him I wasn’t going to argue or beg.
    But honestly, I am confused. I’m not sure how feelings can that were so strong fade within a few minutes of conversation when he had them just a few minutes before. He said he still sees me as a friend, and he loves me, just not as one would love a lover. I won’t beg or plead. But I am wondering if I continue to be his friend and act like one or if I should use the no contact rule and see if he actually means it.
    I would love your opinion on what to do and how much of a chance there is, and if you have the time, I am wondering what happened within those few minutes that made him “fall out of love”. Thank you so much for your time!
    Sincerely, Lyn

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 14, 2018 at 11:55 pm

      Hi Lyn…thanks for your kudos. So frankly, a lot of what you ex is saying about what he wants from you makes no sense. He just seems to philosophical or picky about what he wants for every communication exchange. I am not sure if this is maturity thing or lack of experience or personality preference. I do think given his attitude about how he connect with you that employing No Contact would be a good choice. Pick up my eBook,485 page “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” or any other resources I make available that can help you through this process! Just know..its not “you”, its “him”. Many of the right guys in the right situation would fall very much in love with you

  2. Stephanie

    December 14, 2018 at 11:12 am

    I walked away from my ex 3 weeks ago because he kept snapping (not the first time. Done this previously when he was ill) at me over a period of days leading upto me walking away even though I have been there for him through his depression and his father dying. I felt terrible after as I felt his snapping was due to his depression and his dad dying.
    Despite this I still felt like he needed to say sorry so I gave him space. However, he messaged me to say he is sorry we disnt work and he doesnt want to go back to where we were and I should move on. I did message him and liaised with his friend (she told me he loved me and wanted to marry me and was devastated I walked away and expected me to come back to him the next day. He also said he disnt know what he hd done wrong) and sister but to no avail. He then messaged to say his father had passed (I was heartbroken that I couldnt be there for him). I messaged him on the day of the funeral to say my thoughts are with him and his family. He replied saying thanks and his mum was doing well.
    I then recieved a phone call off him the following morning to say that from a conversation with his friend (the one I was talking to regards our situation) and the messages exchanged between his sister and I he has decided he cannot be friends with me. I remained calm and said ok and we both hung up the phone. Within five minutes he blocked me.
    In your opinion would it be best to move on with my life?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 15, 2018 at 12:01 am

      Hi Stephanie! You can move forward with healing you need to working on being the best version of yourself. And you don’t need to be actively pursuing him. But you need not wipe him clean away from your possibility list.

  3. Ann

    December 12, 2018 at 1:21 pm

    So a guy I was talking to for a month decided he was still in love with his ex. He told me beforehand why it didn’t work between them (different life views, distance between them location wise). He said I handled things well when he told me about trying it out with her, he said he wasn’t even sure if it would work this time but he didn’t want to have any regrets. He said he couldn’t talk to me if he was trying to get her back which I understood but still asked if it was possible to go back to being friends if his situation didn’t work out and I told him if I was available then yes we could. I do miss him but haven’t contacted since having that conversation with him. Do you think I would still have a shot even doing NC?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 13, 2018 at 12:40 am

      Hi Ann!

      I think so. NC has so many elements and tactics associated with hit and it can help you a heck of a lot in the healing department. You need to be emotionally whole as you embrace the future,irrespective what happens!

  4. Danielle

    December 9, 2018 at 4:02 pm

    Hi there,
    I’ve been seeing a guy for about a year, he came straight out of a long term relationship and met me. Though he had been trying to end it with her for quite some time but couldn’t bring himself to break up with her. We hit it off straight from the get go. But I always knew from the beginning he didn’t get his space between realtionships. We have an amazing relationship though, I honestly couldn’t fault the guy, even down to opening doors for me, he always goes out of his way for me. We have a lot of mutual friends, we work for the same company but not the same office. Which has always been an issue for him, he likes his privacy. We had a serious conversation a few weeks ago where he was saying he didn’t know if he saw anything long term with me but then 10 minutes after the conversation he said he didn’t mean it. We had an event on Friday night and afterwards he told me that he felt irritated that I was there but then said I had done absolutely nothing wrong and he didn’t know why he was feeling that way. He’s always been so stressed and complicated about our relationship never wanting to put a label on it, but he isn’t a player type.
    Yesterday I called him and he said he was going to come and see me because he was getting really stressed out about our situation following on from Friday night and that I was supposed to be spending Christmas with his family but he doesn’t know how he feels and he’s worried the holiday period will make me fall harder and he won’t, he then used the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” but that he still cares about me, which I ultimately turned around and said that he sounded like he needs to figure out what he wants and to take some time. He text me a few hours later asking if I was okay and that he wasn’t and that he is “just trying to think what the best thing for both of us is”
    But now what, I encouraged the space, do I wait for him to come back or should I have just accepted that conversation was a break up?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 10, 2018 at 1:03 am

      Make use of the space to focus on “you”…your own healing and efforts to be a better you.

  5. Patricia

    November 29, 2018 at 7:08 am

    Hi,

    my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago after 2+ years because he said it hadn’t felt right for a while. I know that over the past months things got crazy and that made me get clingy and whiny when I got stressed but I’m trying to work on that now. We share an apartment but aren’t currently living together, so I’m wondering how much space to give him – how can I show him that the break-up gave me the kick I needed to figure out what I had been doing wrong?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 30, 2018 at 3:02 am

      Hi Patricia…Its not just you, but him too. I am sure he has done plenty wrong. We all do. Have you tried No Contact. Hop on over to my Home Page and check out my Program so you are up to speed on how to optimize your chances!

  6. Cat

    November 27, 2018 at 11:57 am

    Hi,
    Three weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me, he said he was confused and had been for a month or so, for now I’ve only been in contact with him about getting my stuff back at some point so we’ve only spoken once. The reason he gave for the breakup is that he thought we were only friends however we’ve been in a relationship for three years. Two weeks before the breakup he told me he’d never leave me and was happy we had a deep conversation. But we didn’t see eachother for the next two weeks and suddenly he was confused again and broke it off. However he told me he loved and cared about me during the breakup, but also kissed me, told me to never change and that I was the perfect person for him. What do you think that meant? I think he’s super stressed and exhausted at work but he won’t admit it when I asked, yet would always say he was having a rubbish week at work, and he went and blamed it on the relationship. Will he come back ever?

  7. Shanaya

    November 14, 2018 at 5:58 am

    Hey
    So I met this guy online. He is actually from a different country so we haven’t met yet. We’ve been talking for like a month now. I started liking him cause he is so sweet and all. Thought he liked me back. But something cropped up at his work place and he has been so distant then. I noticed and confronted him about it. He told me that he is so stressed with work and that he isn’t the most available person at the moment. So I asked him what he wanted me to do. He was like it’s best we both focus on ourselves for now. What does that mean. He doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore? Today is the second day iv not contacted him. He hasn’t contacted me either and but he is always on my instagram viewing my stories. I really like him. And I’m just sad that he is so held up that our relationship didn’t really blossom but he once told me that he liked me too. So what should I do? Like should I continue the no contact rule till he reaches out? What if doesn’t reach out? I really want him to. I just donno what to do so he can.

  8. Ariana

    November 12, 2018 at 2:56 am

    Hi there, I am seeking advice about my situation.
    My ex and I had a great relationship, Talked about a future, Traveling and He even was looking for apartments close to me because we had formed a strong connection. Me and him eventually got busy and stopped seeing each other as frequent however, kept in contact on social media, Calls, Face time and text. We broke up and talked about it and it seemed mutual but we both were lying.After the breakup he said he wanted to stay friends and continued to text me! I texted him a day later and poured my heart out because watching (In person) Him smile at me and walk away made me cry and the thought of it still does.I thought to myself why did I let my insecurites and fears that he was goung to hurt me make me do this. Anyways after the text he didn’t respond for a few hours no more than 12. I thought he was ignoring me but said he was busy. In the coming days his friend duke passed and I tried to help and talk to him but he pushed me away… Im sure you can see how this can and did turn ugly….
    I kept gnating and gnating and gnating for a week. During which he still said he still loves me and continuously told me he missed me. I panicked and did not want to lose him so I wrote a love note and sent it to him……. Wrong time.
    It did the opposite and he asked for space. When he asked for space I was so desprate to please his wishes as I did not want to lose him I said I wouldn’t speak to him until my birthday. (80 days) he agreed,
    To which I did not give..
    Now currently my gnating got me blocked by my number and facebook (Where I gnatted).
    -Note I am not blocked on everything.

    I found him on a dating/hookup app stating he was “Happily in a relationship”
    -Note platform we met.

    I got jealous and messaged him and he basically told me to move on, i said : I thought you loved me” his response? “Me too”

    -Note even finding him on this app he said He still wanted to be friends but I was making it difficult.
    NC has been initiated Oct 11th (A month to the day!!!)
    *He has not reached out since

    * During NC I have been finding new interests and hobbies like
    I have started a collection of Hats
    I posted a Selfie on instagram for eveyone and stepped out of my comfort zone.
    I started going to the gym
    out with friends more!

    Final thought: I do very much love my ex and he has been on my mind everyday since the breakup. At first I was very unhealthy and only thinking for myself. Now I can see why my ex reacted how he did. I was very very annoying but at the end of the day I am a prize to be won and I fight for what I love. Now I know you cant give me the definite yes or no however do you think I have a shot?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 12, 2018 at 5:02 am

      Hi Ariana!

      Proud of your Ariana for your amazing efforts in NC to find new interest and hobbies! Find that love for yourself and do things for yourself….date yourself. This is a big part of learning about things that matter. Beyond that, be sure you are following some kind of ex recovery program. I am partial to mine and have lots of eBook that can help dive into the details of all of this!

  9. Andrea

    November 7, 2018 at 8:55 am

    Hi There!
    Is the 21 or 30 day NC rule applicable for short term relationships? Or should i shorten the NC period?
    I was with my ex for about 3 months when we had an intense and whirlwind romance. Both fancied each other very much and very attracted to each other. We even went on a trip together which was amazing. 2 months into dating, he asked me to be his girlfriend. He was hesitant at first as he has been struggling with self esteem issues. Also, he feels that i am completely out of his league. Hence he was quite insecure as well and needed reassurance as he was hurt in his previous relationship.
    After a few weeks together, we had a huge argument which ended up in him asking for a breakup. He wanted space to figure himself out. Next day we had a talk and he seemed decided on the breakup and felt it was for the best as he felt that he needs time to know himself before he can love someone else. He said he thought he was ready for a relationship and was not and also did not want to go through another huge argument. Also, he built many barriers due to past insecurities and told me that though i had broken down much of his barriers, he couldn’t get past the final hurdle to completely open himself up. He was clearly very upset and even cried when we parted. Afterward i texted him and asked for another chance but he said he was having a meltdown and felt very scared as he did not know who he was and wanted to be alone for awhile and said we were both very emotional at that time and would be better to not contact each other for awhile. He said he liked me very much and his feelings for me was very real and he saw a future in us but need some time to find himself first. He also said he hated himself very much and felt that he failed me and disappointed the both of us.
    We used to communicate via text all day and he would wish me good morning and night without fail during the time we were together. Now it has only been 3 days of no contact and i am missing him very badly. What should i do? Do i still stand a chance at getting him back?

    Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:11 am

      Hi Andrea…great question

      In most cases, yes. But every situation is unique and its impossible to analyze and discuss in one response. Take a look at my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as it is a great resource!

  10. Sandy

    November 4, 2018 at 6:03 am

    Hi there! My ex and I had non stop contact since our breakup for 2 and half months ago. We’ve had ups and downs during this times where he showed hot and cold behavior towards me. We’re in a long distance relationship so we would normally communicate through text and video calls. Last week, he told me that “he’ll be back soon” as I showed him signs that I want him back. But just yesterday, I asked him to call me and I think I smothered him. He asked for a week of space since he said we had not stopped talking and he needs to recharge himself. He told me to trust him and it’s just a matter of recharging himself. He sent me a final message to end our conversation that day saying “trust me, I’ll be back soon”. I don’t know what that means. He’s scheduled to come over in a couple of weeks. Do you think he wants me back as well or maybe that space will make him decide to leave for good? I worry that in this time apart he will get used to life without me and gets a new routine. I mean no text or anything from me. thank you so much!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 4, 2018 at 3:39 pm

      Hi Sandy!

      Its true…sometimes guys just need to get away from everything. Some of them feel the call for independence and if they feel smothered they will pull away. So focus on yourself and getting yourself to a better place emotionally so you can see your life need not revolve around him, especially if he needs a 1 week mental vacation.

  11. Ashley Dawson

    October 28, 2018 at 6:51 pm

    Yea. Im actually considering to follow the No Contact Rule. So do you think he’s just asking for a space? Cause he did not mention we are already done though. Or Im just the only one thinking that?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 29, 2018 at 2:51 am

      Hi Ashley…sometimes it helps everyone to take a step back and dial in the emotions and get in touch what is important. Calmer minds lead to better decisions. Your relationship may very well survive and do well. Just take things slow and execute your ex recovery plan.

  12. Ashley Dawson

    October 27, 2018 at 4:56 pm

    Glad I came across to your blog, so here’s my story. My BF for 5 years have been on LDR for one month now, We had an argument last week and he pulled himself away from me. I keep on chatting, calling him but to no avail. I’m feeling so hopeless and afraid he might no longer talk to me thats why I keep on nagging him, asking how can he manage not to talk to me for that long. (which I then realized is a major turn off to every guy right after I discover your blog) Then 1 week after he finally messaged me telling that whatever I think about him is wrong. That I always think of others that I tend to forgot myself. He also said he wants me to learn to live on my own, to be independent and to grow as a person. And him pulling away is just a part of it. He wants me to focus on my work instead of thinking about him or anything else. Besides, he can handle himself alone. I never had a change to respond nor to clarify what he meant since he deactivated his fb right after messaging me. I know I acted too clingy and needy that draws him futher. Now, I am confused with our status. Is he just asking for space? Or he’s implying a break up? He did not mention about it though. I stll have hopes that we may just need space since he still keeps on logging my fb. I can see it on my email that my account has always been reactivated even if I already deactivated it twice. I am left here hanging.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 28, 2018 at 4:30 am

      Hi Ashley!

      Thanks so much for visiting. So I see you have some solid experience….5 years…with your ex. That kind of relationship traction can pay off in your efforts to win him back. Don’t beat yourself up for being too clingy. Lot of people get pulled into that behavior. Have you considered implementing no contact? Also, pick up my Companion Guide, “Ex Boyfriend Recover Pro” if you need a blueprint to follow!

  13. Paige Wilson

    October 27, 2018 at 3:52 am

    Hi there!
    My ex boyfriend dumped me 7 weeks ago, reasons I can’t even quite explain myself, mostly because we were unhealthy and stressing eachother out. I got help with some mental illnesses in the mean time, learned a lot of the reasons this happened in therapy etc.
    Although the entire first month after the breakup I “gnatted” him (to be fair though we dated for two years and compared to the two years we were together a month of gnatting wasn’t as bad as it sounds). I am on one week of NC after sending a clean slate message apologizing for things I had done, saying I was happy to give him space now, wishing him well hoping we can be friends eventually. I just had surgery done yesterday, and he knows, and i’m confident that’s going to have him thinking about me even more and how I am recovering. The breakup did shock me initially because he was always the one to beg over me when I said I needed time away or just a few days of space. Any thoughts?
    Love EBR!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 28, 2018 at 4:41 am

      Hi Paige!

      Thank you Paige for all your love! Don’t be too hard on yourself for “gnatting”. It happens and we all learn our lessons in time. I hope you are feeling better after your surgery. I think NC is the right medicine. Pick up a copy of “The No Contact Rule Book” as it will help you optimize your efforts!

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 28, 2018 at 4:41 am

      Hi Paige!

      Thank you Paige for all your love! Don’t be too hard on yourself for “gnatting”. It happens and we all learn our lessons in time. I hope you are feeling better after your surgery. I think NC is the right medicine. Pick up a copy of “The No Contact Rule Book” as it will help you optimize your efforts!

  14. maryam al enezi

    October 25, 2018 at 5:11 pm

    Hi i bump into this article, My situation is, I asked my boyfriend if he still loves me and he answered that he is confused because he said he can’t give back the love I am giving him because he is still enjoying his time with his friends and family. Since he was working out of the country for 8 years and its his first time in 8 years to come back for good. we did not broke up He did not asked for space but i was the one who told him that i will give him space and wont bother him. Will he come back to me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 25, 2018 at 8:09 pm

      Hi Maryam!

      Glad you found us! It is usually best for you both to take some time and space for yourselves and each other when this sort of thing happens. You can read more about no contact and having a sensible ex recovery plan in any of my books or on my site. The books are more comprehensive.

  15. Letlotlo Phetlhu

    October 5, 2018 at 1:13 am

    Hi, so me and my ex boyfriend broke up but I want him back. We were fighting a lot, his not a confrontational person so in most cases I would bring up something and he would completely ignore me and that made me more angry. He even stopped trying to communicate with me, I was the one that tried texting and calling him. One day I broke up with him and he didn’t even question it. A few days later I told him I made a mistake but he said he needs to sort things out and I should wait for him. A week later in my drunken I drunk texted him and told him mean things and I felt really bad and tried to apologize a few days later but he completely shut me down and said his tired of me. A few days later I asked him to give me a chance to prove that it will be different and asked to at least give him a chance to think about it. It is basically a long relationship and I’m in his City for a few days and I would like to know if he thought about it before a leave the city again. My friends say I should just leave him alone and move on but I still love him and I want to fight for us and show him it will be different. But I don’t know what to do. I fight with myself everyday with contacting him.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:10 am

      Fighting brings down the spirits an I am sorry you had to go thru that. You should consider implementing the no contact rule and following along in the way I teach it in my Program. It will allow you time to figure things out and accomplish other things too.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:10 am

      Fighting brings down the spirits an I am sorry you had to go thru that. You should consider implementing the no contact rule and following along in the way I teach it in my Program. It will allow you time to figure things out and accomplish other things too.

  16. Kelsey

    October 4, 2018 at 10:21 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up 2 days ago due to circumstances. He’s a separated man and he needs space and time to think about his courses of actions to take for the upcoming divorce and custody of kids, which he’s afraid of losing of if word gets out of us.

    We agreed mutually to just remain friends for now so he can focus on himself and self reflect / grieve over his marriage, whatever he needs to do to sort himself out. He still texts me yesterday, we are in contact, not a lot but just normal texting about what we did.

    I’m not sure about the no contact rule.. I’m thinking to not contact him but if he initiates contact I would want to reply him. We broke up very amicably. It’s a case of right person wrong time, we never had any quarrels or fights. It’s all because of the circumstance he’s in.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 5, 2018 at 2:19 am

      Hi Kelsey!

      Seems like he is still engaged in keeping a connection with you. I agree with your assessment about holding off on NC.

  17. Alex

    September 27, 2018 at 2:42 am

    Hi. My boyfriend of 3 years has recently broke up with me.. it really broke me to the point I tried to contact him in every way possible for days, and at one point I was mean to him and tried to make people hate him which I feel really bad about. Our relationship wasn’t always perfect, sometimes we’d argue a lot, he cheated on me before because I got really controlling and wouldn’t let him do certain things. I have now realised my mistakes when he’s left, we broke up a few times before and I’d always manage to get him back begging him to come back, but now he just blocked me on everything and told me he never wants to speak to me again. I have no idea what to do, he really means everything to me and I don’t want him to lose feelings for me and be gone forever… he said he needs space and a breakup is a breakup, I didn’t give it to him for the first few days but I think now I have realised I need to.. I’m really scared he’s gonna run to someone new… what can I do in this situation to get him back? I really want to show him I’ve changed and that I will treat him fair. He just doesn’t believe me:( he called me last night and told me he loved me, but didn’t want to get back together..please help

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 28, 2018 at 3:14 am

      Hi Alex!

      Sometimes guys overreact and say all kinds of things. He is far from perfect and probably needs some space to examine not just himself, but your true value which I don’t think he appreciates enough. Take a look at my program…it has a lot to offer in helping you with what to do during the breakup period.

  18. Natalie

    September 14, 2018 at 11:06 am

    Hi my bf ended things about 7 weeks ago initially after a year of complete happiness for us both, I was integrated into his life completely including his children’s lives, had met his ex wife and all of his family etc… we only ever laughed and had fun and then one Monday he said he wasn’t sure how he felt about me and that he felt we were at different places…… heartbroken I packed my things up and left but continued after a few days to message him, we got back together after 2 weeks and agreed to take things slowly but he wanted me to stay every night for 2 weeks which I asked him why and he said because it feels right when you’re here….. 2 weeks later again he started acting completely out of character, no messages, no calls, drinking a lot and trying to be one of the lads – he is 45…. I had to ask him again what was going on as we had agreed to try but he hadn’t even started to and he said again I think we are in different places…… I told him he should have taken time to think about things properly and was clearly confused so I wasn’t going to contact him again for a couple of months to give him some space, but I miss him so much – he was literally the best friend I’ve ever had and our relationship was perfect up until 7 week ago, happy kids, happy man, happy me so I am really confused why he acted in this way – I’m 3 weeks into no contact now and I have to say although I am trying to keep busy and heal myself it’s hard and I’m not sure I’m doing the right thing as it’s not just him I miss but his children too who I feel have just been removed from my life! Any advice would be most welcome right now as i am trying to be happy but the thought of never seeing any of them again is harder than anything I’ve had to do before – even my divorce after 20 years of marriage!

  19. Christine

    September 10, 2018 at 9:05 am

    Hello! I’m writing because I’m honestly going insane lol My bf with which I’d been with for 3.5 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago. Our relationship was not the best, we always fought, especially the last year when I found out that he cheated on me. I admit that during this last year I became paranoid and would control him, his phone, where he’d go and stuff. We broke up and then came back together several times, but during those times it was always me who wanted to end things between us. Then, 2 weeks ago he told me that he wanted some time to think because he a) felt suffocated by our relationship, b) my parents are strict and wouldn’t let me sleep at his house or go on a vacation just him and me, c) he was confused because he didn’t know if he was with me out of guilt for cheating or because he loved me. My first reaction was to get and angry and tell him to just break up, but that same night I regretted it and called him repeatedly. At first he would not answer, but when he did he told me that he couldn’t do it anymore and that he was sorry. That he was really really confused and wanted to be left alone. So I did. I’m on the 2nd week of NC. And although, I’ve been constantly checking his social media, I haven’t reached out to him. Recently, I saw that he was watching my IG stories (around 2 days ago) – I haven’t. I’ve refrained myself from watching his. However, today I saw that he put his profile on private. Im on week 2 of NC, but I wonder if I should reach out to him or not? (He’s always been the type to text or call me repeatedly while I’ve always been the “chill” one in our relationship. He even confessed to me that same night when I called him repeatedly that he was not expecting me to react like that). I feel like I’m a lowly losing him and that maybe there’s nothing I can do to win him back. He has not contacted me at all, and now he’s unfriended me and even putting anything on private. Should I show him that I’m the one interested? Or should I complete the NC period? I’m genuinely so confused.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 11, 2018 at 3:23 am

      Hi Christine!

      Please don’t go insane!! Probably best to stay in NC and leverage the social media tactics. But you really need to pick up my eBook and read about all the things you should be doing to heal and not feel like you are going insane!

  20. E

    September 7, 2018 at 2:23 pm

    Are you sure people don’t fall out of love quickly? I keep hearing and seeing that it takes 21 days to fall out of love with someone…but I intend to not talk to him for 30 days. Does this mean I don’t have a chance???

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 7, 2018 at 2:51 pm

      Love does not dissipate in 21 days. Lingering attachment can last for years.

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