What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space

I had this friend back in college. Her boyfriend at the time told her he needed space.

So, she did something that I thought was absolutely ludicrous at the time. She looked him dead in the eye and said,

“Okay. Have all the space you need.”

and walked away.

My jaw hit the floor when she told me.

“You did what?!”

Less than 36 hours after that she gets a call,

“Baby, I was wrong! Please don’t leave me!”

What was this magic she had spun?

Somehow, she had convinced the man who was clearly preparing to leave her that, instead, she was leaving him.

It was genius!

It was impossible!

Wasn’t it?

Well… obviously not.

If you’ve arrived at this article, I’m going to guess that you likely fall into one of the below categories:

  1. Your boyfriend asked you to give him space and you think he might break up with you
  2. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you gnatted him and then he asked for space
  3. You’re trying out or thinking about trying out the No Contact Rule and are afraid that if you give your ex-boyfriend space, that he might not come back

Fear not! We are going to tackle the art of giving him “space” in-depth so you will leave here feeling confident that giving your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend space is nowhere near as scary as it seems and you may even find that you enjoy having the space.

But first, let’s talk about a few things:

  • What it means to give someone space
  • Some of the reasons why a guy might ask for space in the first place
  • And what to do if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend asks for space

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What is Space?

As I was preparing to write this article I literally wrote down on a piece of paper “What is Space?” This led me to several deeper thoughts such as “what is space,” “what is time,” “what is life.”

Wow, that got deep and scary fast. Once I got past those flashbacks from philosophy 101 and I was done questioning the meaning of my existence, I came up with the following:

Space is something that a person may need to disconnect and “refresh” in order to allow themselves to think about certain things and reflect upon something weighing on their mind.

More simply and bluntly put, he is looking to be left alone for a while.

For purposes of this article, we are going to roll with this understanding.

Before we move on, some of you are probably wondering “well, what if he didn’t say he needed space, but he said that he needed time? That is totally different right?” Well no, not really. For purposes of EBR and this article, think of a guy asking for space and a guy asking for time to be pretty much the same thing. He is looking to be left alone for a while.

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Why Did He Ask For Space?

There are a number of specific reasons a guy may ask for space:

  • He’s really busy
  • He has a lot of stress from him family, school, work, etc. right now
  • He’s tired of arguing
  • He’s confused
  • He’s trying to regain control
  • etc.

The list really can go on and on and on. I would encourage you to try not and dwell on finding a specific reason why he may have asked for space, especially, if things seemed like they were going well before he asked for space. If you know why he asked for space because he told you; great! If not, try not to over-analyze it.

The important thing to understand, is that when guys get overwhelmed, they handle their emotions differently than women. As women, we tend to seek out friends and family for support or to vent to. Guys typically do not do this. Men are more likely to bottle things up inside.

Because of this, guys can carry around a lot on a daily basis. Extra emotions or a fight can be enough to cause a guy’s plate to overflow, causing him to try to remove or avoid something from his plate. In this case, if he’s asked for space, you are thing he is trying to remove.

Another thing that is important to understand about men is that they are naturally problem solvers. Men are more likely to retreat and want to “reappear” once they have come up with a solution. They don’t want to necessarily be seen as they are trying to work through things and come up with a solution.

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What Should I Do If He Asks for Space?



Definitely give him space.

There are a number of more obvious reasons why giving him the space he has asked for makes the most sense, such as it is more respectful and the more mature thing to do.

However, I know that if you’ve arrived on this page, you probably already know this and so far, you are not convinced that giving him space will work and is the best thing to do. Everything in you is telling you to chase him.

You ask, “Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

So, let’s start by taking a moment to explore what your other option is: Don’t give him space and continue to reach out at a normal or higher rate.

If you are considering this, you may be doing so because you are worried that giving him space will prevent him from coming back. You may feel that reaching out to him as if everything is “normal” may make him realize that he is making a mistake asking for space. Or, you may feel the need to convince him that you two belong together and that you can talk through whatever the issue is and space is not necessary. You may be wanting to show him that your love can conquer whatever it is that made him think that space was the only way to handle it.

I want to make this point really clear… so, I’m going to underline it AND bold it….

Continuing to try to talk to him, text him, or chase after him after he has asked for space is only going to push him further away.

We even have a word here at EBR for continuing to pester someone with texts, calls, emails, and anything else and this is called “gnatting.”

You can read about it here, in “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”  when you’ve finished reading this article. Basically, it’s texting or calling excessively.

Is it gnatting even if I text him like I normally would… nothing more?


He’s asked you to give him space (a complete disconnect) and you are giving him more than he wants. It’s annoying.

You know when a fly or a gnat is buzzing around and you can’t seem to get it to go away? That is how your ex boyfriend feels when you keep trying to force him to connect when he doesn’t want to.

Please do not be a gnat. Our pros over at EBR will all tell you that gnatting will lower your chances of getting your ex to come back.

That’s right! Gnatting, not giving him space is what will hurt your chances of him coming back.

I polled 10 random guys today. I asked them the following question:

“Would you be more likely to want to get back with someone who

a) you asked for space from and this person gave it to you


b) you asked for space from and they texted and/or called you trying to “fix” the situation?”

The results are below:

a) 10 votes

b) 0 votes

That’s right! 100% of guys said that they would be more likely to want to get back together with the person that respected their request and gave them space!

Why Giving Him Space and the No Contact Rule is the Best Option

Giving him space and utilizing the No Contact Rule will allow your boyfriend or ex boyfriend the opportunity to “reset” any bad feelings that he may have towards you. If you haven’t broken up and your boyfriend says he needs space, he is probably feeling stressed or overwhelmed by something in the relationship. He may need time to retreat and come up with the solution, like we talked about at the top of this article.

If you have broken up and you gnatted causing your ex-boyfriend to ask for space, it is paramount that you give your ex-boyfriend space now and begin implementing the No Contact Rule.

Anything else you do after he asks for space is really going to move you towards the “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend” territory and really, who wants to be her? NOT YOU!!!

In the meantime, focus on becoming ungettable and the best possible version of you.

If you are unsure what Ungettable means, here is a link to an article explaining the term. It is unique to the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, but the concept is pretty easy to follow.

A “Real Life” Example

Think about a dog for a minute.

Imagine that you are standing on an open road. You and the dog are looking directly at each other but there is some distance between you, say 10 feet. This may sound funny but I want you to take a moment and try to picture your ex-boyfriend as that dog. Now I want you to image that dog turning around and walking the other way… The dog is creating space between you and him, just like your ex boyfriend.

Now, your first instinct may be to panic, to run after the dog, or to call it back to you and maybe even offer it a treat. However, if you chase after the dog (your ex boyfriend), what is the dog likely to do? The dog is likely to run away further. The dog may even enjoy being chased by you. If you call the dog back to you and offer it a treat, it may or may not come but if it doesn’t the dog is going to know that walking away from you sure got your attention and he was rewarded, thus this will encourage the dog to do it again. You don’t want to go this route either.
So, if those options don’t work, let’s imagine what you should do. You’re back on the street and the dog is walking away from you. Imagine instead, that you stand there and do nothing. Or, better yet, you turn around and start walking the other way, away from the dog. Now, imagine that when the dog turns around to see if you are following him, he instead sees that you are out having the time of your life! Maybe you’re even giving his much beloved treats to another dog.

What do you think the dog is going to be inclined to do?

If you said come running back, you are right!

Now, let’s apply this example to ex. Your boyfriend asks for space. Instead of freaking out and chasing after him, you simply respect his space. In the meantime you go off and do some UG (Ungettable) things. When your ex boyfriend checks in on you (whether directly by texting you or indirectly through mutual friends or by looking at your social media) he will see that you are off having fun. Your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will be much MORE LIKELY to come back simply because you respected his space and even made the most of it and had a little fun for yourself!

Space isn’t sounding too bad anymore, is it?

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You Still Have Reservations?

Wow, you’re still not convinced, huh?

I could just tell you that giving him the space he asked for could not only turn out to be awesome, but that it could strengthen your bond with your ex.

I could tell you that it may even HELP your chances of him coming back!

I’m guessing that if you still are not convinced that you have some other concerns about giving your guy space, so let’s talk through some of the more common questions I see when giving girls advice on our EBR Support Group. 

Will Giving Him Space Make Him Fall Out of Love With Me?

No, we are talking about you giving him space for a short period of time (typically no more than your no contact period). People cannot fall out of love in a matter of weeks. Respecting his space will show maturity and independence which should only make you more attractive in his eyes.

What If He Meets Someone Else While I’m Giving Him Space?

Well, I don’t want to lie to you so it is possible that he could meet another girl while you are giving him space or in No Contact. However, it is highly likely that this person will be a rebound and it will be very short-lived. There are other methods EBR offers to help in these specific situations… so, don’t worry. It’s not hopeless.

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How Long Should I Give Him Space For?

I have to admit, this is tricky to answer but I felt like this is probably a really common question so I wanted to take a stab although there is not a “one size fits all” answer here.

If you are still dating and your boyfriend had asked for space, I would recommend giving him space for at least a week or until he reaches out. If he does not respond positively to your reach out after 1 week, do not gnat but give him another week of space. Remember, in the meantime, try to have fun!

Now, if you are broken up you need to give your boyfriend space until your No Contact period is up. You may be thinking, “what if he reaches out before then; has he had enough space?” Stick to your No Contact period and follow the No Contact Rule Book.

Story Time….

Let me leave you with a story, you’ll never guess who it is about…

No really, guess.

Okay fine, I’ll tell you, it is about me! The year was 2008 and I was in my first real High School relationship.

I know. Everybody say it with me…

So this guy, let’s call him “A.”

A and I had a great relationship that moved really quickly. We were in “love” after three weeks of dating. I know, it’s laughable now but this has an important lesson that came with it…

After about two months of being on a romantic high, A completely blindsided me and asked for “space.”

We were not fighting, we were perfect. I thought I was going to marry him and have his babies. I’m completely joking… only kind of, but not really…

Anyway, after A asked for space, I remember thinking that I must show him that space would only pull us apart and lessen our love; that I should show him that I was willing to fight for him and that this would prove to him that we were meant to be together.

I totally gnatted him for a week.

If you are still unclear on what gnatting is, you can read more about it here.

What was the result? He broke up with me a week later. I cried, and cried, and cried. But I DID NOT CONTACT HIM. I inadvertently began no contact and guess what, two weeks later he was BEGGING for me back.

Moral of the story is this: once I finally gave A the space that he was looking for, he was able to realize how much he missed me and how much our relationship meant to him. He began to wonder what I was doing and wanted to talk to me. Give the guy space and show him what he is missing out on.

A Quick Recap

So, something I have found in working with Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that, if we don’t do some kind of recap at the end of an article, our readers tend to pick on point that I made and forget the rest of the article altogether.

So, let’s look at what we discussed today.

  1. When a person asks for space, they are wanting a disconnect from the person they are asking for space from. The want time alone.
  2. There are plenty of reasons that your ex could be asking for space. The important thing is not to get hung up on the “Why?
  3. If he is asking for space, the absolutely BEST option is to GIVE IT TO THEM. Most of the time people don’t know what they want and when they get it they almost instantly realize that it is not what they really wanted.
  4. Then we talked about the reasons you might doubt that this will work… Well, you’re wrong. 9 times out of 10 it will work.

I also try to hook you guys up with a video that can help you moving forward.

For this topic today I think that THIS video is the perfect one for those of you in this situation.

Alright So, I’m going to do one more thing for you today.

I know… she has more?!

You’re probably wondering,

“What did I ever do to deserve such gifts?”

Well, you just clicked on the right article today, my friend.

I am going to open up the comments below for discussion. I want to hear about your situation with your asking you for space.

From there we can discuss your next action.

  1. How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?
  2. Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
  3. What have you done since he asked for space?

Written by EBR Teamate

Sarah Drees

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226 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

  1. Ruth

    March 17, 2018 at 8:34 am

    We never had a fight and we were happy in the relationship we had I waited for him for one year plus to come home from outside the country so we could be together and we have been communicating since then everyday he messages me in the morning and night and the day I don’t text him he gets angry so he finally got back into the country last year we went out and was together because I was his girlfriend and so we did a lot of things and even made love to each other but after that he began to act wrong n stopped picking my calls and refused to see me and now I think he is out of the country and he didn’t even tell me I did no contact rule with him although he didn’t ask for space but he has been avoiding me so I decided to give him space but it’s almost two months since he left the country but we barely talk that much and he constantly views my WhatsApp story but hardly comment for months now my question is should I block him from viewing my WhatsApp stories and do a no contact rule all over again ? What if he tries to contact me should I respond since we haven’t talk for a long time?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 17, 2018 at 4:58 pm

      Hi Ruth,

      He ghosted you. Follow this one:
      What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You

  2. Hopeless

    March 15, 2018 at 10:12 pm

    Plz help

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 16, 2018 at 3:28 pm


      What’s your situation?

  3. Steph

    March 15, 2018 at 6:49 pm

    We broke up cause we were fighting a lot- at the time of the break up he said he needed time and space to heal. It’s been almost 4 months now, we had some bad conversation in the first 3, went no contact, he reached out and we had a good talk, he texted me the next day to discuss the relationship some more. I know giving him space is what’s best right now, especially cause he has told me he’s still not ok after all our fighting, but I am just so afraid he is going to move on (and keep me on the back burner while he does it) because he is talking to new girls and has gone on a couple dates…

  4. Ann

    March 14, 2018 at 4:21 pm

    My boyfriend of four years broke up with me out of nowhere a week ago because he said he was unhappy. The next day, I told him not that we wouldn’t have contact for two months and he could reach out to me when he was ready to admit his mistake. Before that, I completely text gnatted him, but since then it’s been silence, except for him like one of my instagram posts. I have already realized that I placed a lot of my happiness into him and that could have put way too much pressure on him. We had also been dating since 15, so I think he wanted to explore a bit and make sure he wasn’t making the wrong choice. The only reason I think this is because he said he wanted to try to casually date other people and wasn’t sure about our future and didn’t like feeling married at 20.

  5. Ann

    March 13, 2018 at 1:38 pm

    My boyfriend of four years broke up with me out of nowhere a week ago because he said he was unhappy. The next day, I told him not that we wouldn’t have contact for two months and he could reach out to me when he was ready to admit his mistake. Before that, I completely text gnatted him, but since then it’s been silence, except for him like one of my instagram posts yesterday. I have already realized that I placed a lot of my happiness into him and that could have put way too much pressure on him. We had also been dating since we were 15, so I think he wanted to explore a bit and make sure he wasn’t making the wrong choice. The only reason I think this is because he said he wanted to try to casually date other people and wasn’t sure about our future and didn’t like feeling married at 20. We met up twice after the breakup to talk, one where I was composed, and one, not so much, but they were both within the same day, and that was the day after the breakup. I haven’t spoken to him since, and I left a box outside of his door of all of his stuff two days after the split.

  6. Missing someone

    March 12, 2018 at 2:58 am

    Hey I was with my boyfriend for 6 months and we tried to get back together but it didn’t work he said he didn’t know what he wanted and so I did the no contact rule I’m in the third week and I think he thinks I’ve completely moved on and he’s been having a lot of fun but he talks about me on social media but he hasn’t for a week now. I am too scared to contact him after the no contact rule and I’m scared he’s moved on to someone else. And he doesn’t like the job I do I want to change but he was my strength. And he’s the type of guy who doesn’t chase and I don’t chase either so I feel like we will never be together again and I’m too stubborn to contact him I’m so scared to I’m so lost

  7. Alison Kirk

    March 8, 2018 at 12:07 am

    I have been off and on with this guys for 5 months. He has a history of bailing on me. Normally that is a no brainier and I should have left months ago. The thing with him is that when we are together we are on fire. I have tried to have conversations with him about how it makes me feel. I told him that I wanted a real relationship and he would say that he wants that to. He continues to ask me to open up and take down wall. He even asked if we could have kids meet. I wasn’t jumping the gun and when I later agreed he decided to freak out about it and started being elusive. Short back store, we originally met online and had both come off on our own. I had a gut feeling that he might have gone back on so I logged into my old account and there he was. Updated profile and all. I didn’t jump down his throat, instead i followed suit and I activated mine again and viewed his profile to make sure he knew i knew. I went on as normal without bring it up. He started making passive aggressive remarks about having other dates. I didn’t acknowledge it until he was more direct about it. We talked about and we agreed to both come off. I did the very next day and he never did. In fact he updated his profile again. I tried to be patient but after about a week i was getting blown off again and I was at the end of my robe. I send my last message telling him that we were nowhere close to being on the same page and if he wants to keep his options open that is fine but I don’t think I am the girl for him. I started no contact at the point. Four days later I actually hear from him. He tells me that we could still be friends/fling and that he always has a good time with me but he doesn’t know if he is ready for a committed relationship at this minute. But you never know and that he misses me. That was yesterday and I didn’t respond. It is killing me to just be quite and fear that he will jump on to someone else fast. I feel that we had that indescribable “thing” and i don’t want to lose it. I just can’t allow him to treat me like I’m nothing.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 11, 2018 at 9:23 am

      Hi Allison,

      Move on from him..he just knows how to hook you and string you along..

  8. Sarah

    March 6, 2018 at 8:42 am

    So basically, we met through tinder, I was on holidays in Spain, we hit it off, went on dates every day till I left. We stayed in touch every day on WhatsApp, we expressed interest in one another and how mad we were for one another. Two months later, I went to Spain again to celebrate his birthday and stayed with him for a week then returned to the US. Two months later I travelled again to spend three weeks with him and did that again two months later. I knew he was not dating me only because when I leave the country, he is back on tinder and any dating app, but when I’m with him, he is committed. Unfortunately, I wasn’t like that and I was honest about being exclusive for him until I move to Spain and start working there (luckily my company decided to let me run our office in Spain. I could sense some red flags going on, him becoming distant before the last time I went to see him, my gut feeling said he met someone else. I became pissed because it’s only 6 months till I move to Spain but he is not being honest with me. So basically, I reached out to him and he told me that he is not really looking for something serious right now because of life, work, not sure how long he can act, his life is not stable before he lets someone in, his ex who hurt him 10 months ago and then when I told him I am sensing something not good happening between us and there are questions that were not answered such as are we seeing other people? He said let’s be friends, have some space and then see where we are when I move to Spain. He said the topic is making him nervous and so I said that’s all I wanted to know and thanks. 15 mins later he sent me that he is here if I need him. I didn’t reply. I developed feelings for him and I’m trying to heal myself and get over this. He is active on social media and he is fine. I haven’t contacted him since and I’m not going to. I met his friends every time I travel there and I think it is clear for everyone that we are not just a fling. I just need some advice because I really think we had an amazing time, we didn’t fight and it was just perfect. Why does he keep stressing on exploring more when I’m settled in Spain and not coming for a few weeks and leaving for two months. He was honest about not being interested in long distance relationships, but did he completely lose interest? He doesn’t miss my daily WhatsApp messages (morning and good night)? Was it meaningless for him? I think of it as a break up but what hurts me is that he gave up easily on us and i’m definitely sure I won’t contact him when I start working there. He asked for space and I just said okay thanks. Any insights? Did he just say let’s see where we are when I’m settled in Spain to be nice or he could mean it? It’s obvious he wants to be single for some time since his last relationship lasted for 3 years and I understand that, but even before the break up conversation, he used to text me.. We’ve been texting for 8 months on a daily basis. What is going on now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2018 at 4:15 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      You invested too much on a guy that doesn’t do the same for you.. Youre5 the only one going to his town and you know he’s dating someone else again when you’re gone because he’s back on Tinder.. You need to move on because you were not on the same page since the start..

  9. V

    March 5, 2018 at 1:39 am

    I met this guy over 3 years ago. He often cane by the place I worked and left his number. After a while he stopped trying.I never contacted him as I was in a relationship. I then messaged him a couple of month after I broke up with my ex. That was about 5 month ago. I didn’t chase him but left it a secret who is messaging. It took another month or more until he really wanted to meet me and find out who I was. We met and it was great. During this time I also saw another guy for whom I felt more. So I stopped seeing him and broke up the contact. He tried to convince me that we would be great together but I didn’t think he was right. Two month later he tried again. By that time I totally stopped seeing the other guy but was still recovering from it. Emotionally I wasn’t ready to meet someone new. We caught up anyway and had an amazing night. I still wanted to keep in causal and relaxed. He just was so charming and kept trying. We saw each other since then 3-4 times within 2-3 weeks until last weekend. I spent a long weekend at his place. I had a cosmetic treatmamet done and didn’t want to go out and thought it would be a great opportunity to spent more time with him and his place in the country. Stupid, I know. He was very excited but after the first day I felt a little distance. He always still treated me nicely but I felt it. The last day he took me to his friends place and we had a great night. We drunk way too much alcohol apart from him. He had plans the next day and his friends thought how unusual it is for him. I confronted him drunk why he acts weird and he finally said when he likes someone he really needs to think carefully if that person fits into his life. The next morning I left early and only messaged my apologies as I really didn’t remember the outcome of our conversations the night before. He said it was all a bit too much for him and he needs time to digest what happened. It’s a huge thing to accept someone in his life and he is sorry we are back there and hopes I understand. I said he should worry and it’s okay. I feel similar and everything went way to fast to quick and I shouldn’t have stayed so long and more importantly not come when I feel very insecure about myself (the cosmetic thing) I thanked for the fun times we had and said I wish him all the best. He replied he enjoyed it a lot and that I am really amazing.
    That’s it. How high are the chances you think he comes back around?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2018 at 7:21 am

      Hi V,

      Have you tried our quiz? You’re back and forth with each other so, he’ll probably be back agai.

  10. Sinead jackson

    March 1, 2018 at 7:22 pm


    I’ve been dating this guy for two months. Before I left to go home for two weeks he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. While I was away we were messaging each other non stop. He kept telling me how much he missed me and how much he liked me.
    We had a trip organized for when we got back for a weekend. On the Friday I was very sick and there was a lot of snow so I couldn’t move from the house. I asked would he mind popping over so we could plan our trip together for the next day and buy some food. He said he had plans with his friend who he hadn’t seen in awhile. But I got snappy which I shouldn’t have done and he went quite which made it worse. I messaged after we spoke and apologized that I was on steroids and they weren’t agreeing with me. He said he understood that he was on them too. I asked did he still want to go on the trip and he said yes.
    So we left in the afternoon the next day but when we got there he was acting very cold with me. He was on his phone most of the time which I found very rude. He even brought it into the toilet with him at one point. The remainder of the trip he bought me dinner and we did open up to each other about lots of deep things. I think I really annoyed him and made him question wether he wanted to be with me because I snapped so much before we went on the trip. I felt guilty so I said maybe it would be best if we had space. He said he didn’t want it at first but then said okay.

    He has been very ill since I’ve met him with an inflammatory disease which he told me about the first date we went on. I have been really sick with a flu, cold and sininitus since we have met he had a flu too so we haven’t had much luck. I’ve also lost my job just before I left for home. So I came back to having no job and barely any money in a country I’m not from. His also been stressed out with work and keeping it together even when his sick. I’m head over heels in love with the guy.

    Am I doing the right thing and giving him space? Will he come back happier and more loving? Or will he end things with me?

    Really would appreciate the help as I really really like this guy so much!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 5, 2018 at 1:24 pm

      Hi Sinead,

      Yes, because you should use the time to take care of yourself before thinking about him. It’s not going to help your relationship if you’re both sick..

  11. Bernice

    February 28, 2018 at 3:32 pm

    Well I have been dating my ex boyfriend for a year and a half. On January he told me that he wanted me to have a baby with him after I finish school (which is May this year btw). I told him I was not ready to have a baby. He argued about it and after so much arguing I felt like we both needed to calm down so I blocked him on everything ;calls;messages and social media sites. After 8hours I unblocked him. He asked me if I was back to my senses and still maintained his argument that he wants a baby with me or else we break up. I told him I wasn’t ready. We went for two days without talking and on the third day I asked him about his intensions. He told me he haven’t changed his mind and that he still wants a baby.. If at all I’m not ready then we should break up. I didn’t agree to the break up…. We continued talking which was arguing most of the part about the baby. After some time he told me that he needed space and time to think. I was so mad at him and I was so scared. I thought I was gonna loose him. So I gnatted him with messages and begged for him to rethink. He started bringing issues that we faced before during our 1 year relationship that he wasn’t really healed from the fact that I was still communicating with my other ex and that I did not want to go into business with him because our relationship isn’t guaranteed or secured because we not married. I apologized for all that and promised to do better But he kept telling me that he needs space and time to think…. I agreed to give him space but I was still hurt. I spent two days without talking to him and on the third day I asked him about his intensions regarding our relationship. He told me that he wanted to be single for now and that I shouldn’t pressurize him into a relationship that he needs a break from. I was so broken…I told him that I won’t pressurize him and I left him alone…what should I do Chris? I feel the break up was a bit rushed and it came unexpectedly…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2018 at 11:23 am

      Hi Bernice,

      If he’s telling the truth about wanting a baby, then it’s better to move on because that’s a big ask for you to do.. If you think he’s just using it as an excuse, try the nc rule..

  12. christiana

    February 28, 2018 at 11:47 am

    Hi Armor:
    After I messaged you last few days – as I indicated previously, After feeling him pulling away and my getting very drunk and mean – Well my worst fears as expected, today my boyfriend said he was still having a hard time processing the night i got really drunk. He said If it was the first time we had that problem it would be different but unfortunately it has happened quite a few times before. That just happened to be by far the worst. he begged me to stop but i would not listen. He said I did untold damage to his feelings for me. After the drunk night, he stayed away for a week, but still called, but this week he is back to staying away after we saw each other for 2 days, and now there is no contact at all. He stayed away to be apart from me. I know this.
    He said today in an email he need some time away from us to sort through it. And that he doesn’t feel as close to me as I did before and is afraid he might not get those feelings back. He said he did a lot of soul searching as he do not want to hurt me but he never envisioned going through what we went through the other night. he used to look forward to seeing me and visiting with me but honestly now he just does not. I said many hurtful things and he doesn’t want to live like that. He said he think it is best we spend some time apart as he need to search his feelings. I don’t know what to do. I wrote him a sincere letter back apologizing and asking for forgiveness; telling him how much I love him. He gave me no response. I called and text too. Still no response. What do I do now? He has not packed my things out of the house or asked for my key. Have I lost him completely based on what he said? are the change in feelings for not feeling close as before due to be very hurt and angry? He is trying to gently break things off and hope I fade away? I don’t understand how overnight practically he loses feelings. He must have been feeling this for a while now, because I did notice him pulling away; he said I was being needy and he felt suffocated. But, now we are on a break due to my drunken behavior and hurtful words. I don’t know what I even said that was so cruel. Will he come back? Please advise what I should do. I don’t want to lose him. I know I need to work on me, but he says he loves me, but doesn’t know what he feels right now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2018 at 11:15 am

      Yeah he’s just probably breaking it slow for you. Have you checked this one:
      How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

  13. Rachel Callahan

    February 25, 2018 at 5:09 pm

    A week ago my boyfriend of 4 years blindsided me by wanting to break up becuase he needed space becuase he felt confused and he wasn’t sure why. At first I was terrified and felt like my world was crumbling. But I realized after that there were a lot of things going on in his life that was causing him stress and I realized I was probably putting a lot of pressure on him that he couldn’t handle on top of everything else. I haven’t spoken to him or texted him or contacted him in the week since it has happened and I guess I’m just trying to figure out if me leaving him alone will make him realize that throwing away 4 years of us was the fight decision.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 12:47 pm

      Hi Rachel,

      You’re not the one who broke up with him.. he’s the one that decided to break up and leave you.. chasing isn’t going to help you.

  14. Christiana

    February 25, 2018 at 5:42 am

    So my boyfriend and I reconnect after many years of lost time and failed relationships. He and I have been very serious for a about 5 months. At one point said he loved me and wants to spend life with me. He asks yo see me everyday, every weekend. So here’s the thing ,,,, he’s been feeling suffocated and need space. Last night he said he needed some time to process things. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to date anyone else. In last few weeks I have felt him pull away all the while internally panicking and try to get closer. He kept saying he was feeling suffocated. That I have been acting like nothing is ever enough and he can’t seem to do anything right. I denied that of course. It has been tense between us. I got very emotional after a evening out and insanely drunk and apparently said some hurtful and mean things. I’ve begged for forgiveness. Apologized. He had remained distant. He left town today said he loves me too but no indication when he will be home or how long he will need time to process things. So my getting drunk and mean was the icing on the cake. I’m scared he is going to break up with me. He said I was so mean that he is trying to process that event. Maybe everything has led to that point. He has not asked for my house key back and my things are still at his house. I don’t know what to do. Do I just leave him alone. I don’t know if he’s slowly trying to let me down. I definitely see the error of my ways and want to tell him how sorry I am but he’s gone and I’m scared of making him pull away further. Do I just totally leave him alone. I wanted to write a letter. Again I’m scared. I love him so much and thought he loved me too. I’m so hurt. I would do anything to make everything right.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 12:03 pm

  15. Jamie

    February 23, 2018 at 4:57 pm


    First time poster and unfortunately I’ve come here to say I’ve done a really stupid thing. But first some background to prolong my own torture 🙁

    I matched up with a guy on an online dating website about 2 weeks ago. Go me! We sent multiple messages every day to each other until we finally met up about a week ago. It didn’t think he was into me, but he asked to meet up again at the end of the date. I was happy to be wrong as he’s really handsome and has always been really easy to talk to.

    We carried on regularly sending multiple messages to each other and then on Sunday we shared some pretty personal stuff like how he has been dealing with stress and two deaths in his family. Because of that I felt comfortable enough to tell him I’d never had a boyfriend. He seemed fine about it which was great!
    However, foolishly I followed this up with “I also don’t mean the following in a nasty way, just a way of clarifying any doubt: I don’t see you as my boyfriend, just someone I wanted to be honest with”. He asked what I meant and I said that I wanted to take the pressure off him and I. He freaked out about this, said we’d only had one date and that he needed some breathing space.

    Needless to say I’ve done what he’s asked and don’t plan to contact until he does so first, but I can’t help but feel that this whole situation has spiralled out of control. When I said take off the pressure of him and I, what I really meant was take the pressure of him. In my mind once I told him that I’ve never had a boyfriend then every time I do or saying something that can be related to that could make him think that I’m trying to turn him into my first boyfriend and freak out. So I just wanted to clarify that wasn’t the case. Also, by his own admission, he has enough stress in his life so the possibility of me being an added strain wasn’t something I liked so I, foolishly, tried to resolve the problem before it occurred. Which was rather stupid as the very act of me trying to resolve a non-existent problem actually caused one. Again stupid me.

    I realise now that it was way too early to bring this up with him but the idea came from a good place. As such do you think this situation is beyond being resolved? Shall I just wait and see regardless of how much the silence hurts or shall I just write this one of as experience?

    Thanks in advance for any help you can give.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 10:34 am

      Hi Jamie,

      don’t over think.. how did that day end?

  16. Hoping

    February 22, 2018 at 5:40 pm

    Its been 10 weeks and Im trying to text to build rapport but he takes a few days to reply one text. Except when my grandpa got hospitalised and i told him and he quickly replies. Im not sure how to get through his wall? I did NC and when we broke up he said he needed time. So after over a month I tried texting him but eversince we exchsnge texts once a week as he takes a few days to reply. Im not sure if its progress or no?

  17. Maggie

    February 22, 2018 at 1:42 am

    Hello there! I had been talking to a guy I hooked up with. He confessed to me that he was feeling really down because some girl he was in love with had rejected him, but still texted him saying that she wanted to stay friends (yet, she wouldn’t see him and insisted on being friends). So we talked a lot about it and about seeing each other again, he even said he wanted to know my place, but he always insisted on the fact that he felt down, and that I should be patient with him, since he felt he needed time to let this girl go and focus on somebody else. So, one month passed and I was starting to feel really anxious about the situation. I even tried to make him end things, but he kept saying “but I do want to see you, can’t you just let it go with the flow?” Finally, he said we’d meet, but cancelled a few days earlier saying that he didn’t feel like going out of his house at all. Of course I went mad (yet, for the first time), and he said “look, I really want to stay alone why can’t you believe me?” so I said “oh ok, I believe you but don’t expect me to be there when you do need me… I’m telling you this because I don’t want to hurt you” and he said “oh, you could never hurt me, and you know I wouldn’t hurt you either… just let things happen…” And then I said “ok, so you feel terrible… need to talk about anything?” And he just said, “no, babe, I don’t. I just need peace. And time.”
    I gave him space, it was obvious that it was the right thing to do. So I haven’t spoken to him for 10 days now, but he keeps checking my whatsapp status and instagram stories (often, he checks them as soon as I post them) and yesterday he liked a facebook post and shared it (a meme about Schroedinger’s cat). What do you think? Are things going well or I’m just hoping? Besides, I’m heading for Europe this weekend, so I definetely won’t be able to talk to him for quite some time, maybe more than the 30 NC period. Is it too much space? I do care about him and I know that I will have to contact him eventually, but it’s just that al these doubts keep coming =(

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2018 at 11:47 am

      Hi Maggie,

      Just to make it clear, you’re friends with benefits, he doesn’t want more but you do?

  18. Amanda

    February 20, 2018 at 9:02 pm

    Ok, so here is my situation. My boyfriend of 3.5 years asked for space. We live together but he travels for work so it was “easy” to do. For the 5 days he was gone I didn’t contact him but he still text me every morning and called every night. He came home and we had another talk and he said it needed to be a complete break up because with us on pause he still felt obligated to contact me. After a total breakdown I said ok and we agreed that we are broken up but while he’s figuring it out we aren’t changing our social media stuff so all the questions from family don’t come flowing in and we may be broken up but other girls are off limits since he still has me on the hook and at home. He left 6 days ago for a 2 week stint being gone, I am trying to give him his space but he still texts me good morning I love you and goodnight I love you every day. I respond because I know if I don’t he will take that as me “playing games” but I still don’t feel like he’s taking his space and I don’t feel I will ever get him back if he doesn’t stop contacting me. I don’t know what to do! Help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 24, 2018 at 10:45 pm

      Hi Amanda,

      Tell him continuing to talk to him is not helping the both of you.. Do you live with him/

  19. Irena

    February 20, 2018 at 3:13 am

    My boyfriend was getting distant for the last several weeks texting less and seeing preoccupied when together and not wanting to spend time together. I asked if everytjing was ok and he said yes he just had a lot on his mind and was busy. But he kept ignoring my texts and requests to hang out and then he did nothing much for Valentine’s Day. And I had had it and got upset. He then told me he needed space because he was stressed and had a lot going on and he needed space to figure it out. I wrote him back and said okay and that I would give him space and if he wanted to continue pursuing a relationship with me to let me know otherwise good luck with everything. It’s been days and haven’t heard anything. Did it handle it correctly?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2018 at 12:25 pm

      Hi Irena,

      Yeah, you laid an ultimatum but didn’t tell him until when you’re going to wait for his answer.

  20. Irena

    February 20, 2018 at 2:40 am

    So my boyfriend was getting distant the past two weeks. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing just a lot on his mind and he’s busy. After him not wanting to hang out and almost barely communicating with me and blowing off Valentine’s Day, I got upset. He then told me he had a lot going on and it was taking a toll on him and he needed space to figure it out. I wrote back and said thank you for being honest and replying to me. I’m sorry you feel that way but I think what we have is great. But you need to want it too. I then told him I’d give him the space he asked for and if he wanted to continue pursuing things with me to let me know and if not good luck with everything. That was three days ago. And I haven’t heard a peep from him since. Did I handle it okay? What do I do now?

  21. Pippa

    February 19, 2018 at 11:04 pm

    Hi Amor, my ex is due to return some of my things and my front door key while I’m out at work some time this week. I’m the kind of person who’d send a thank you text, but I’m guessing NC means I can’t do that? Won’t it seem rude of me or tit-for-tat because he unfriended me on Facebook?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2018 at 12:17 pm

      you don’t need to say that.. It will just make it harder for you not to reply if he starts a conversation after you say thank you.

  22. J

    February 19, 2018 at 12:23 pm

    I’ve never been in this situation before. But I told my boyfriend I wanted to talk. My uncle just passed and it was triggering abandonment issues in me that I wanted to express. I’ll admit I was vague and just said “can we talk?” I thought this might be intepreted, but I also asked if I could sleepover cause I had an early bus the next day — thinking this would reassure him if he thought it was a bad “can we talk”. When I showed up — perfectly normal. He talked about his stomach hurting, he tried to coax me into talking about what I came over to talk about by being cute as I was giggling nervously. I told him “I wanted to be frank avout my feelings because hr usually was and I thought it’d be good for me.” He said something along the lines of “me too” and I pretty much told him I couldn’t say what I wanted freely thinking he had something in the queue. After back and forth, he begins with something about chemistry he felt in previous relationships but not with me. But he claims he overlooked it because everything else was great. He said he didn’t know if I made sense to continue…

    At this point I started crying, but covered my face. He reached out for me to come to him, but I recoiled and said “don’t touch me.” I continued to cry. I managed to say “So you’re breaking up with me.” He paused. I think he said “uhhhh…” I said “I think I should go.”

    He said “Wait. What did you have to say?”

    Anger. “What does it matter now! Who cares.”

    He said “It doesn’t matter? Wait. You don’t wanna talk about this?”

    Me: “Talk about what! Is anything I say going to change what you’re feeling!”

    He pauses again. I kinda lost control of my feelings. Something I’ve never done in our 1.5yr long relationship. I was livid. This guy was trying to tell me his feelings for me were stagnant. I used the word to clarify and he said yes.

    I screamed at him about wanting something from the movies and that I wasn’t 15 anymore, knowing there are more important things than just chemistry. I said if everything else checks out what is the problem? He said something about it not being enough.

    And I asked him what that meant. He didn’t know. I asked if he was making a distinction between loving me and being IN love with me. He says “what does that even mean?” I asked him why he said he loved me. He couldn’t answer.

    He looked shell shocked throughout. I asked why he’d let me stay here. Why would I sleep here now?

    Him: “I didn’t think this would happen.”

    I pretty much just threw his keys (he had given me a copy months ago) on his bed and said something about how I had abandonment issues and I thought my fears were irrational, but here he was proving me right by leaving me. And this isnt how 1.5yrs end and I didn’t know what to say to him.

    He said “Yes, I guess not now. We should talk later.” I left his apartment.

    I have no idea what happened. I feel blindsided and confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2018 at 11:59 am

      HI J,

      looks like he falling out of love or losing interest.

  23. Jennifer

    February 17, 2018 at 5:51 pm

    Why are my comments getting lost?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 12:33 pm

      Hi Jennifer,

      It’s still here, it just haven’t been approved yet.. No, you didn’t give your power..that was ok to apologize

  24. Pippa

    February 15, 2018 at 8:25 pm

    Thanks Amor, I’ll do NC. I don’t even feel like communicating with him right now as it’ll all come out wrong, so it shouldn’t be too difficult. I can’t help wondering if he unfriended me on FB to get a reaction? I didn’t post anything about him or the breakup and was just my usual self as I wanted to look like I was getting on with things instead of moping around. I almost sent him a text asking him why but stopped myself!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2018 at 1:10 am

      Yeah, that’s possible that he just wants to see if you’re going to react after that.

  25. Pippa

    February 15, 2018 at 5:31 pm

    I posted my comment yesterday but it’s not showing – did it come through or should I post it again? Don’t want to overkill.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2018 at 7:04 pm

      Start your nc rule of at least 30 days..check this one:
      EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back