By Sarah Drees

I had this friend back in college. Her boyfriend at the time told her he needed space.

So, she did something that I thought was absolutely ludicrous at the time. She looked him dead in the eye and said,

“Okay. Have all the space you need.”

and walked away.

My jaw hit the floor when she told me.

“You did what?!”

Less than 36 hours after that she gets a call,

“Baby, I was wrong! Please don’t leave me!”

What was this magic she had spun?

Somehow, she had convinced the man who was clearly preparing to leave her that, instead, she was leaving him.

It was genius!

It was impossible!

Wasn’t it?

Well… obviously not.

If you’ve arrived at this article, I’m going to guess that you likely fall into one of the below categories:

  1. Your boyfriend asked you to give him space and you think he might break up with you
  2. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you gnatted him and then he asked for space
  3. You’re trying out or thinking about trying out the No Contact Rule and are afraid that if you give your ex-boyfriend space, that he might not come back

Fear not! We are going to tackle the art of giving him “space” in-depth so you will leave here feeling confident that giving your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend space is nowhere near as scary as it seems and you may even find that you enjoy having the space.

But first, let’s talk about a few things:

  • What it means to give someone space
  • Some of the reasons why a guy might ask for space in the first place
  • And what to do if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend asks for space

What is Space?

As I was preparing to write this article I literally wrote down on a piece of paper “What is Space?” This led me to several deeper thoughts such as “what is space,” “what is time,” “what is life.”

Wow, that got deep and scary fast. Once I got past those flashbacks from philosophy 101 and I was done questioning the meaning of my existence, I came up with the following:

Space is something that a person may need to disconnect and “refresh” in order to allow themselves to think about certain things and reflect upon something weighing on their mind.

I wrote the definitive eBook about giving people space, “The No Contact Rule Book.  Go pick up a copy!

More simply and bluntly put, he is looking to be left alone for a while.

For purposes of this article, we are going to roll with this understanding.

Before we move on, some of you are probably wondering “well, what if he didn’t say he needed space, but he said that he needed time? That is totally different right?” Well no, not really. For purposes of EBR and this article, think of a guy asking for space and a guy asking for time to be pretty much the same thing. He is looking to be left alone for a while.

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Why Did He Ask For Space?

There are a number of specific reasons a guy may ask for space:

  • He’s really busy
  • He has a lot of stress from him family, school, work, etc. right now
  • He’s tired of arguing
  • He’s confused
  • He’s trying to regain control
  • etc.

The list really can go on and on and on. I would encourage you to try not and dwell on finding a specific reason why he may have asked for space, especially, if things seemed like they were going well before he asked for space. If you know why he asked for space because he told you; great! If not, try not to over-analyze it.

The important thing to understand, is that when guys get overwhelmed, they handle their emotions differently than women. As women, we tend to seek out friends and family for support or to vent to. Guys typically do not do this. Men are more likely to bottle things up inside.

Because of this, guys can carry around a lot on a daily basis. Extra emotions or a fight can be enough to cause a guy’s plate to overflow, causing him to try to remove or avoid something from his plate. In this case, if he’s asked for space, you are thing he is trying to remove.

Another thing that is important to understand about men is that they are naturally problem solvers. Men are more likely to retreat and want to “reappear” once they have come up with a solution. They don’t want to necessarily be seen as they are trying to work through things and come up with a solution.

What Should I Do If He Asks for Space?



Definitely give him space.

There are a number of more obvious reasons why giving him the space he has asked for makes the most sense, such as it is more respectful and the more mature thing to do.

However, I know that if you’ve arrived on this page, you probably already know this and so far, you are not convinced that giving him space will work and is the best thing to do. Everything in you is telling you to chase him.

You ask, “Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

So, let’s start by taking a moment to explore what your other option is: Don’t give him space and continue to reach out at a normal or higher rate.

If you are considering this, you may be doing so because you are worried that giving him space will prevent him from coming back. You may feel that reaching out to him as if everything is “normal” may make him realize that he is making a mistake asking for space. Or, you may feel the need to convince him that you two belong together and that you can talk through whatever the issue is and space is not necessary. You may be wanting to show him that your love can conquer whatever it is that made him think that space was the only way to handle it.

I want to make this point really clear… so, I’m going to underline it AND bold it….

Continuing to try to talk to him, text him, or chase after him after he has asked for space is only going to push him further away.

We even have a word here at EBR for continuing to pester someone with texts, calls, emails, and anything else and this is called “gnatting.”

You can read about it here, in “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”  when you’ve finished reading this article. Basically, it’s texting or calling excessively.

Is it gnatting even if I text him like I normally would… nothing more?


He’s asked you to give him space (a complete disconnect) and you are giving him more than he wants. It’s annoying.

You know when a fly or a gnat is buzzing around and you can’t seem to get it to go away? That is how your ex boyfriend feels when you keep trying to force him to connect when he doesn’t want to.

Please do not be a gnat. Our pros over at EBR will all tell you that gnatting will lower your chances of getting your ex to come back.

That’s right! Gnatting, not giving him space is what will hurt your chances of him coming back.

I polled 10 random guys today. I asked them the following question:

“Would you be more likely to want to get back with someone who

a) you asked for space from and this person gave it to you


b) you asked for space from and they texted and/or called you trying to “fix” the situation?”

The results are below:

a) 10 votes

b) 0 votes

That’s right! 100% of guys said that they would be more likely to want to get back together with the person that respected their request and gave them space!

Why Giving Him Space and the No Contact Rule is the Best Option

Giving him space and utilizing the No Contact Rule will allow your boyfriend or ex boyfriend the opportunity to “reset” any bad feelings that he may have towards you. If you haven’t broken up and your boyfriend says he needs space, he is probably feeling stressed or overwhelmed by something in the relationship. He may need time to retreat and come up with the solution, like we talked about at the top of this article.

If you have broken up and you gnatted causing your ex-boyfriend to ask for space, it is paramount that you give your ex-boyfriend space now and begin implementing the No Contact Rule.

So why not learn much more – Get Your Copy of My eBook The No Contact Rule Book

Anything else you do after he asks for space is really going to move you towards the “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend” territory and really, who wants to be her? NOT YOU!!!

In the meantime, focus on becoming ungettable and the best possible version of you.

If you are unsure what Ungettable means, here is a link to an article explaining the term. It is unique to the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, but the concept is pretty easy to follow.

A “Real Life” Example

Think about a dog for a minute.

Imagine that you are standing on an open road. You and the dog are looking directly at each other but there is some distance between you, say 10 feet. This may sound funny but I want you to take a moment and try to picture your ex-boyfriend as that dog. Now I want you to image that dog turning around and walking the other way… The dog is creating space between you and him, just like your ex boyfriend.

Now, your first instinct may be to panic, to run after the dog, or to call it back to you and maybe even offer it a treat. However, if you chase after the dog (your ex boyfriend), what is the dog likely to do? The dog is likely to run away further. The dog may even enjoy being chased by you. If you call the dog back to you and offer it a treat, it may or may not come but if it doesn’t the dog is going to know that walking away from you sure got your attention and he was rewarded, thus this will encourage the dog to do it again. You don’t want to go this route either.
So, if those options don’t work, let’s imagine what you should do. You’re back on the street and the dog is walking away from you. Imagine instead, that you stand there and do nothing. Or, better yet, you turn around and start walking the other way, away from the dog. Now, imagine that when the dog turns around to see if you are following him, he instead sees that you are out having the time of your life! Maybe you’re even giving his much beloved treats to another dog.

What do you think the dog is going to be inclined to do?

If you said come running back, you are right!

Now, let’s apply this example to ex. Your boyfriend asks for space. Instead of freaking out and chasing after him, you simply respect his space. In the meantime you go off and do some UG (Ungettable) things. When your ex boyfriend checks in on you (whether directly by texting you or indirectly through mutual friends or by looking at your social media) he will see that you are off having fun. Your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will be much MORE LIKELY to come back simply because you respected his space and even made the most of it and had a little fun for yourself!

Space isn’t sounding too bad anymore, is it?

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You Still Have Reservations?

Wow, you’re still not convinced, huh?

I could just tell you that giving him the space he asked for could not only turn out to be awesome, but that it could strengthen your bond with your ex.

I could tell you that it may even HELP your chances of him coming back!

I’m guessing that if you still are not convinced that you have some other concerns about giving your guy space, so let’s talk through some of the more common questions I see when giving girls advice on our EBR Support Group. 

Will Giving Him Space Make Him Fall Out of Love With Me?

No, we are talking about you giving him space for a short period of time (typically no more than your no contact period). People cannot fall out of love in a matter of weeks. Respecting his space will show maturity and independence which should only make you more attractive in his eyes.

What If He Meets Someone Else While I’m Giving Him Space?

Well, I don’t want to lie to you so it is possible that he could meet another girl while you are giving him space or in No Contact. However, it is highly likely that this person will be a rebound and it will be very short-lived. There are other methods EBR offers to help in these specific situations… so, don’t worry. It’s not hopeless.

How Long Should I Give Him Space For?

I have to admit, this is tricky to answer but I felt like this is probably a really common question so I wanted to take a stab although there is not a “one size fits all” answer here.

If you are still dating and your boyfriend had asked for space, I would recommend giving him space for at least a week or until he reaches out. If he does not respond positively to your reach out after 1 week, do not gnat but give him another week of space. Remember, in the meantime, try to have fun!

Now, if you are broken up you need to give your boyfriend space until your No Contact period is up. You may be thinking, “what if he reaches out before then; has he had enough space?” Stick to your No Contact period and follow the No Contact Rule Book.

Story Time….

Let me leave you with a story, you’ll never guess who it is about…

No really, guess.

Okay fine, I’ll tell you, it is about me! The year was 2008 and I was in my first real High School relationship.

I know. Everybody say it with me…

So this guy, let’s call him “A.”

A and I had a great relationship that moved really quickly. We were in “love” after three weeks of dating. I know, it’s laughable now but this has an important lesson that came with it…

After about two months of being on a romantic high, A completely blindsided me and asked for “space.”

We were not fighting, we were perfect. I thought I was going to marry him and have his babies. I’m completely joking… only kind of, but not really…

Anyway, after A asked for space, I remember thinking that I must show him that space would only pull us apart and lessen our love; that I should show him that I was willing to fight for him and that this would prove to him that we were meant to be together.

I totally gnatted him for a week.

If you are still unclear on what gnatting is, you can read more about it here.

What was the result? He broke up with me a week later. I cried, and cried, and cried. But I DID NOT CONTACT HIM. I inadvertently began no contact and guess what, two weeks later he was BEGGING for me back.

Moral of the story is this: once I finally gave A the space that he was looking for, he was able to realize how much he missed me and how much our relationship meant to him. He began to wonder what I was doing and wanted to talk to me. Give the guy space and show him what he is missing out on.

A Quick Recap

So, something I have found in working with Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that, if we don’t do some kind of recap at the end of an article, our readers tend to pick on point that I made and forget the rest of the article altogether.

So, let’s look at what we discussed today.

  1. When a person asks for space, they are wanting a disconnect from the person they are asking for space from. The want time alone.
  2. There are plenty of reasons that your ex could be asking for space. The important thing is not to get hung up on the “Why?
  3. If he is asking for space, the absolutely BEST option is to GIVE IT TO THEM. Most of the time people don’t know what they want and when they get it they almost instantly realize that it is not what they really wanted.
  4. Then we talked about the reasons you might doubt that this will work… Well, you’re wrong. 9 times out of 10 it will work.

I also try to hook you guys up with a video that can help you moving forward.

For this topic today I think that THIS video is the perfect one for those of you in this situation.

Alright So, I’m going to do one more thing for you today.

I know… she has more?!

You’re probably wondering,

“What did I ever do to deserve such gifts?”

Well, you just clicked on the right article today, my friend.

I am going to open up the comments below for discussion. I want to hear about your situation with your asking you for space.

From there we can discuss your next action.

  1. How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?
  2. Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
  3. What have you done since he asked for space?

374 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

  1. Jo

    February 10, 2019 at 10:04 pm

    Hi there,
    My boyfriend and I broke up 3 days ago. He said I didn’t listen when he asked me for space numerous times. He said I am a great person with a huge heart but he can’t do this anymore because I don’t listen. He said it’s too much stress and that I need a hobby. We have been together for a little over 6 months. He told me that right now he needs a little breathing room and I am not giving it to him. He said that he doesn’t want to lose me fully and that we can be friends. I don’t want to be friends with him I want to date him. We used to have so much fun and I think he got bored. He said he appreciates me and everything I have done for him but he needs time. I asked him how much time bc yes I freaked out. He said he doesn’t know. He said for me to give him a chance to reach out to me for once instead of it being me all the time. My friends think he is done with me completely but I don’t believe that. He said he doesn’t want a relationship right now and needs time. Do I have a chance to get him back? Please help!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 10, 2019 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Jo…so yes, there chance is always there. What you want to do is optimize your chances. That’s why I have this website and have written numerous eBooks and offer a Private Facebook Group for folks to join to help them thru all this!

  2. Becca

    January 31, 2019 at 4:19 pm

    Hi Chris!
    So my story is a little more unusual. My boyfriend is going through recovery and has been 7 months sober! Yay! And I’ve stood by his side since the very beginning. And he’s extremely appreciative of how supportive and nurturing I’ve been. This is also the second time we’ve dated. But I wasn’t respecting his need for space in the relationship so he could focus on his recovery and became needy. I’m severely co-dependent I’ve realized about myself in the last 2 weeks. We argued at least once a week and I have things I know I need to work on personally… He finally got to the point where he said he can’t do it anymore, doesn’t know if he sees a future with me, etc. and at the end of the convo he said he needs space and that we would talk more about it that week bc he was exhausted from driving 7 hours that day. We ended the talk and he hugged me and I left. That was Sunday night.

    I have not spoken to him for the past 3 days and planning to continue. Not called or texted him once. I’m not even sure if we are broken up or he just needs space. One thing I do know and it’s a long story on how I know.. but he still has my toothbrush in his bathroom and contact case on the counter.. and still has the 2 pictures of us up in his place. And he throughlyyyy cleaned… Even changed out his toothbrush for a new one and still didn’t throw mine away. Idk if I’m reading more into that but it seems interesting to me.

    My question is.. How much space do I give him in this senario? In the meantime I’m working on myself. Picked up a painting class.. starting therapy for my own deep rooted “daddy issues” lol which I’ve ignored for far too long… So I know we can make this work. But I’m afraid giving him the full 21 day no contact is too much for this situation? Forgot to mention he’s stubborn… And a big part of me believes he won’t contact me first. Friends say give him 1 week. But he’s stressed with work and his recovery.. and I caused more stress on top of it. And next week he has a BIG presentation for work where he’s traveling somewhere for like 2 days. Should I wait until after that? Any insight would be MUCH appreciated!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 1, 2019 at 12:28 am

      Hi Becca….that is great…7 months! So you are on the right track. Give it a few weeks. Just play it by ear as these things can change. He will come to respect you more and your personal power will return if you stand up for your own independence. And don’t forget you can pick up my 485 page eBook, “EBR Pro” that can help you a lot more than I can here in a few lines!

  3. Samantha

    January 27, 2019 at 11:17 am

    Hi. I hope you’re able to help me. My bf and I have been in relationship for 9 months. We met at work and were friends for 2 years before dating. Things were amazing until this last week. He is going through a divorce and had to go to arbitration with her and after that he just sent me a message to say he needed time to process things. I didn’t contact him for a day and the next day made the terrible mistake of contacting him and gnatting. I acted like a psycho and now he wants nothing to do with me. We still have to work together so I am not sure how that is going to work out. Please help me.

  4. Pedro

    January 22, 2019 at 3:54 am

    Hey there, I’m Pedro from Argentina. Just wanted to say that this article is awesome and really helped me to ease my anxiety about my current situation.
    Let me explain you, my boyfriend was going through some deep stress due to family matters (that he carries from many years now). Some months ago he got colder and started having lots of problems due to stress (bad mood with mostly everyone, frequent stomach ache, AND we do not have sex since almost two months now, since he is completely blocked in that area of his mind). Although I really accompanied through his whole sadness and bad moment, we shared really nice and deep moments where he opened up a lot. Anyway, almost two weeks ago he told me he feels really selfish for having this sexual block, and really guilty because he sees that he has gotten colder with me. He also told me that this has nothing to do with me (he even said that I’m the person that he always dreamt to share his time with, and he loves me a lot), anyway he asked me a time to be alone and try to focus on ‘returning to the path’ (as we say here). I was like ‘Ok, I really do wish that you could be happy and stable again, for me it is ok that you take this time off for yourself, If you need to talk to someone you can count on me and, and I love you a lot’. He then hugged me and left almost crying from my house.
    I applied the NC rule for 12 days now, I only got a text last week saying that he has a couple of things that belong to me and he wanted to give them back to me, I said ‘ok, no problem’ and then he disappeared again. (My friends tells me that this was like a test or an excuse to see me).
    Anyway, it is hard at this moment of uncertainty, but I will stick to the NC rule, and uploading to social media my new life full of sports, competitions and fun with friends.
    What do you guys think about this whole situation with him?
    BTW, sorry for my english, spanish is actually my native language.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 22, 2019 at 3:32 pm

      Hi Pedro… stay on track with NC and pick up my Guide to help you thru this whole process

  5. Shan

    January 21, 2019 at 9:42 am

    Good day my name is Shan
    I am from South Africa, i need some feedback and thoughts on my situation as it has me confused and torn in two..

    I am seeing a guy that i have know for years and we started connecting about 3 months ago, we did see eachother every weekend as our farms are quite far apart and we both work in the week. Things are absolutely amazing when we together… And this weekend that passed i could feel that something was different from his side.. And yesterday just before i left for home he sat me down and asked me for space. He is about 8 years older then me and he has been single for 9 years. And he said the reason is that he is so use to his own time and that being with me has been a big adjustment and that space is what he needs now.. And he made it clear that we are not finished he just need “him time”.

    How do i deal with this.. And does it look bad for my side that we might end up not getting back together.. And what should i do to give him his space..

    Kind regards

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 21, 2019 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Shan!

      Sometimes a break can be helpful so go with it and use this time to focus on your own healing and personal growth. Feel free to visit my home page as I hae a lot of tools and resources that can help you get through this period and come up with a more specific plan if things don’t improve.

  6. Sam

    January 17, 2019 at 3:20 pm

    This was super helpful. My ex and I broke up on our 6months. Things had been super hectic with him both at home and at work and he was extreamly stressed. He told me he needed space to figure out what he really wanted. If he wanted to be in a relationship or not anymore. He told me I was the best girlfriend he’s ever had, that I treated him better than his own family and he knew he could treat me better he just needed to figure out what he truly wanted.

    This being the first time this has happened I told him I would give him his space and I hoped he’d find his way back to me and that I was terrified he’d find someone else (I know I should have just said I’ll give you space and leave it at that) but I left him a note in the morning telling him where I stood on my feelings and our relationship. I NEVER reached out first. A few days went by he said happy thanksgiving to me we talked for all of two seconds and then radio silence until a week later that Sunday. He “just wanted to say hi” andother 2 second conversation. Fast forward to a month and a half after the breakup (still didn’t reach out first and was radio silent) my birthday! He actually reached out. I responded and so did he and then I didn’t respond until the next day and we talked for about 2 seconds but this small conversation felt more like he missed me than the other times but I don’t want to read into it. He has been religiously checking my Instagram (after I deleted him -so he has to search my name every time) everyday if not MULTIPLE times a day and views my stories. Now it’s been almost two months since the break up and I want to do the 21 day no contact rule as I have 2 events coming up that I will be living my best life at (and of course documenting).

    I guess my concern is what do I do from here? I want him back more than anything but I don’t know if he’s had enough space to miss me and actually want to get back into a relationship with me. I haven’t reached out first at all but I can’t help feeling like my relationship with him isn’t over… that we will get back together it’s just a matter of time.. what should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 17, 2019 at 6:53 pm

      Hi Sam….glad this article helped! So implementing a 21 day NC period seems to me to be the right move. There is much to the process in how to do it well along with managing the other things after a breakup. IF you have not picked up either of my eBooks, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” or “The No Contact Rule Book” you should give that some consideration as I try to break it down in details as to what to do and what to expect, etc.


    January 14, 2019 at 10:15 pm


    I know you have probably heard about this a lot but my situation is very difficult. I am in a long distance relationship for 2.5 years now and we did not exactly break up he asked me for time and space as he has lost him self and he feels like he is depressed, he turns everything to negativity and his feelings are frozen he said there is nothing i can do to help and he has to go through this alone.

    I called him on skype i asked him to let me go there on his birthday next month as we were planning so we can talk and sort this out together. I told him how much i love him and how i have pictured us together but he asked me to stop. I tried to insist but not crying and he hanged up the phone on me. i sent him a very calm recorded message thanking him for his time and for accepting to take my call i told him that i will leave him alone and that i believe in him and that he will make the right choice for himself and that i also believe in me and i will make the right choice for myself. So since then i have been NC and it has now been a week.

    2 days after the last time we spoke he called me twice but that was due to the fact that he knew from before that i was going to have an operation. I did not answer the phone. The next day he texted me saying that he tried to call me but no response and was asking how did it go with the doctor and if everything is alright. I did not answer. He did not come back to me after that but he knows i am alright from fb that i posted a foto with friends.

    He is depressed due to the fact that his last 2 years of life have been terrible for him. His dad had a brain stroke and they have been fighting to keep him alive since then. He has been giving all his money to treatments for his dad and all of his time and energy at his work and about taking care of his dad. I had always been there supporting him towards that but now that things are a bit settled i thought i could finally tell him what i want and that is to find a solution on how we are moving on and to take the decision of how we are finally going to be together. That panicked him he told me that he can’t do things the way i want him to do them and that i will have to allow time and no pressure on him. I told him that this is what i have been doing so far i was trying not to pressure him so i was pressuring my self all that long and i don’t want this anymore for my self. So we had ended up talking every day and fighting for the same thing .

    I don’t want to lose him for me he is still unique but i don’t want him back either if we are still going to be in the same situation.

    Do you think you can help? Do you think there is hope?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 15, 2019 at 4:26 am

      There is always hope.It seems a lot is going on so perhaps it would be best to take some time and space away from your ex given his behavior and lack of support in meeting your needs. NC helps with that.

  8. Anonymous

    January 6, 2019 at 5:43 pm

    Hi. Someone really please help me out…i have been stir crazy for a week now. So me and my ex were great no problems so it seemed. We have had an argument and he says his feelings have changed towards me and dumped me by text. I went round to see him to get answers as he refused to reply via texts. He says it’s not just me but everyone he feels disconnected to. I offered to be there as a supportive girlfriend to help work him through it but he says he wants to be single and do it on his own. He wants to sort his head out. When I tried to talk to him or ask him questions, he just got stressed.He did promise to give himself time to think about us and let me know. He has been so lovely in the break up…no nastiness.. .no name calling…i want him back it hurts so bad. It’s all I can think about… It hurts that for so many months he loved me and now it’s just gone weirdly cold. Im scared he wont remember how amazingly good we had it.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 6, 2019 at 7:27 pm

      Best to have a plan…have you considered picking up my eBook “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro?” I know it hurts a lot, but there are things you can do to heal and recovery with a greater focus on “you”. That is big part of my Program. I call it the Holy Trinity…health, wealth, and relationships.

  9. Olivia

    January 5, 2019 at 1:06 pm

    Hi there 🙂 My boyfriend of 10 months went abroad on a volunteering program for a couple of months suddenly, saying it was due to traumas in his life (brother’s death years ago, business partner stealing money, ex-gf marrying someone much younger than him, etc…). Our relationship has been great apart from his mood swings related again to all these traumas. He’s a wonderful person and I love him a lot, willing to wait for him. 3 weeks after he left for the volunteering program, he told me he needed some space. Before that, we were in touch regularly and he was very sweet and warm to me even while he was away. Of course I said ok but now I’m not sure if I should do full NC on him, and especially small things like, should I still like his Instagram posts and watch his Instagram stories? We didn’t break up so the situation is confusing. What should I do?

  10. Nina

    January 3, 2019 at 1:17 pm

    I’m writing to you cause after 2 years my boyfriend broke up with me because he can not project himself with me, he told me that he doesn’t know why because everything went great and find me beautiful and perfect and that we had the same interests moreover I was very adult and comprehensive and do not push him for any commitment ( just asked him if in the future we could see to live together, maybe in one year).
    1 year earlier He told me that he already have this fear, he already feeling like something was missing to project himself in the relationship and at this time I asked him if he was able to project himself in his life alone.. his answer was no.. so we though it was the main issue..
    But Now he decided to break up in purpose to see what is really problematic, if it come from me, our relationship, or if it’s him who need space and time to think about what he really wants in life. He also told me that he was lost in general about everything in his life like an early existential crisis ( He is gonna have 28 years old in February)

    It’s been almost 2 months now, but only 1 week and a half of NO CONTACT. ( we work in the same place so it’s harder, and at the beginning he wouldn’t cut contact because as he wasn’t sure about his decision he told me that it’s gonna be hard to contact me again when he will have the solution/answers..)

    What do you think about that ? Is it a good solution for me to keep going with the no contact ?
    I’m really afraid of him testing to meet other girls to see if he can find better or just forgetting me..

    Thanks ❤️
    ( sorry about my English, i’m French.)

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 3, 2019 at 11:16 pm

      Hi Nina…your English is quite good. I think you should continue with your No Contact strategy. Take a look at picking up my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it serves as a comprehensive blueprint of this whole process.

  11. Stephanie

    December 28, 2018 at 5:45 am

    Hi, my bf & I have been together for almost 2 years. He recently asked for a break but then broke up with me 4 days later. He said he just didn’t feel the same about us or me. However, he continued to talk to me & call me for the next week. A week later, he told me we could continue to try & give us a chance for 3 months, if by the end of that 3 month mark, he still doesn’t feel the spark for me again or the feelings don’t at least come back a little, we’d officially end it. I don’t know if the “give him his space” rule will still apply here because it doesn’t seem that he wants space but I’m struggling on whether I should just give it to him anyway. I told him I’m confident that I will get him to feel that spark again but I’m a little scared because I don’t know what exactly to do to get him there. He just said simply, “Just be yourself, that’s how I fell for you in the first place, & let everything else come naturally.” Which sounds easy enough but I’m still juggling on the space thing because one big thing in our relationship before was that we were ALWAYS together, if not in person then over the phone or text. We basically never gave each other the room to miss each other. I’m just very conflicted on what to do to get him to feel a spark for me again. He tells me that right now, he only feels sexual feelings for me but not emotional. How do I get him to feel something, besides sexual feelings for me, again? I’m not really sure if space will work in this case?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 29, 2018 at 2:33 am

      Hi Stephanie!

      So I see things have been up and down. So if he only wants the sex, but not the emotional intimacy that should be part of that before and after, then I think that is not healthy for you in the long run and you should consider giving each other some room.

  12. Emma Kirton

    December 25, 2018 at 6:25 pm


    Me and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago, we had a few arguments as I thought that he was acting odd with me, I looked at his phone and there were some messages to another girl, nothing serious but I was not okay with it, I confronted him and he blew up and left, moved out and went back to his parents, he has gone through a cycle of saying he doesn’t want a relationship right now to lets try again to he is upset and confused, he is being a brat because I caught him out, is the best thing to do to implement the NC rule? We have been in contact nearly every day since the break up, I was needy to begin with and then just started acting normal around him. What do you think?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 25, 2018 at 11:30 pm

      Hi Emma!

      I sorry your ex blew up. Some guys can overreact and act out their inside brat. NC does sound like a good solution for you. Pick up my epic long eBook so you understand the whole process

  13. Sarah

    December 24, 2018 at 5:26 pm

    I accused my boyfriend of cheating on me and I was wrong. We’ve been together for almost 3 years. A while back he lied to me about hanging out with a female and I looked through his phone and found out. We resolved it. Following that, my anxiety turned into paranoia and it was still an issue for me. It led me to look at his phone again. I found a very old message and accused him of cheating. I confronted him and tried to give him his stuff back. I was wrong and the message was from before we started dating.

    We’ve talked about me getting help so many times before, I recognize my anxiety is a major issue (not an excuse) and I just never brought myself to do it. I apologized profusely and he doesn’t want to speak for an indefinite amount of time. I don’t blame him. I am giving him his space.

    I am working on myself in the meantime for my own wellbeing and because I know I hurt him through my actions. I want to make this better and I know we can get through it. I just terrified he’s not going to reach the same conclusion. I majorly fucked up and all I can do now is wait but the wait is AGONIZING. I’m anticipating we’re not going to speak for like a month.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 24, 2018 at 10:18 pm

      Hi Sarah!

      I can understand why him lying to you about hanging out with another girl could lead you to be overly suspicious. So you are going about it in the right way by giving him space. Pick up my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” so you have insights into how you should proceed going forward!

  14. Nat

    December 23, 2018 at 9:11 pm

    What to do what to do.

    I’m currently in NC from my ex of four years. He’s always came back to me in the past after a fight and or silly break up. I was his first girlfriend and he’s loved me since he was a kid.

    We broke up due to my bad depression and I felt I couldn’t be the girlfriend he deserved and he cried and I felt terrible but I didn’t want to bring him down with my depressed attitude. I got some help and I am currently doing my best on getting mentally better and he was supportive. Things were starting to look up until we had a disagreement that he got super angry about so he told me to leave him alone and that’s I’m toxic so I did a full block out so I wouldn’t be tempted to contact him, that maybe immature on my part but that’s what I feel is best for me.

    My question is, given that enough time and pass has passed and I continue to improve on myself will this help my chances on getting him back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 24, 2018 at 3:45 am

      Hi Nat!

      Yes, your chances will improve if you work on those areas you feel need attention, particularly doing things to make your own self happy, so that no matter what happens, you can stand on your own!

  15. Sylvana Kelley

    December 15, 2018 at 8:18 pm

    Thank you for the article!
    Here is my situation,
    I have been together with this guy for about 1 year now and everything has been great after 5 month of dating long distance *would visit him on weekends cause he was at at time, in the military* we decided he would move in with me after he got out.
    We had a great time and loved our relationship but he started to get depressed cause he didnt like his civilian job so he applied out of the state and 2 weeks later after living together for 6 month, he picked up and moved away *its only been about a month since he has been sway* He wanted me to move out there with him by the end of the year and told me he wanted to settle and consider a family. But he now regrets leaving because he doesnt like the city or his job, he told me it’s so hard to be away from me but doesnt want me to move out there with him now because he thinks I’ll hate it too. He doesnt know anyone there. He is stressed and tired and now after I asked him why he was neglecting our relationship, he says he is busy and doesnt have time for the relationship even after 4 days ago he was excited for to come out and said all those things about our future yet doesnt have time for social media which is frustrating. He told me he needs space and time to think because he is tired of the whole distance thing again, even when he made that decision, without thinking things through *he said he is not sure how much time he needs. He was also previously married a few years ago, had his wife move in with him after he came back to the States and they ended up getting a divorce and now she’s stuck at the last place they were at, he said he was very fearful of that happening to me, even though we’ve been doing so great. He flies into town next weekend for the holidays and I know I’ll see him just because a lot of his furniture and our dog is here I’m just not sure why he wants space to think when we’re already apart and wonder if he regrets saying those words to me or if he really is going to throw all our amazing times away just because he is unhappy with his situation. I am a firm believer that no matter where you go with the person you love you can make it through the difficult times. We’ve definitely have more wonderful times then bad. Obviously I have strength to respect his wish and disconnect, I told him he can have that. I really want it to work, If he wants to break up, why cant he just do it without the space? I’m just so unfamiliar with what with space will do to us.

  16. Lyn

    December 14, 2018 at 4:41 pm

    Hey, Chris.
    My name is Lyn. First, of all, thank you for writing this article. I have a semi touchy situation, and I’d like to know if you could answer a couple of questions. Typical girl meets guy, guy says girl is his best friend, they fall for one another, guy asks girl out, they begin dating long distance. It was a short but intense relationship. We were best friends for months before he asked me out because he said I was so different from all the other girls he dated he was afraid to ask and thought I’d say no.
    We were the epitome of best friends: telling each other secrets and fears, hopes and dreams, working with each other to solve problems, supporting one another, things we had never told anyone else and having a blast while doing it. We knew each other 5 months before he said he fell in love and another 3 before he asked me out.
    The relationship was deep and intense, and I loved being in a relationship with my best friend. It lasted almost 2 months, and then he said he needed a break from us. He had a panic attack about how serious we were getting and how fast it was moving. He is young, and he said he had barely started his life. At that point, he said he was still in love with me. I didn’t initiate any conversations, although I answered him, albeit on my time, when he texted me.
    A week later, last night, we had a discussion, and after the initial discussion about a thought provoking video, he said his feelings of being in love with me faded during that conversation and what I said to him made him frustrated at himself becaused we are too similar, and he needed someone who didn’t always know what to say to him when he was sad or angry, that he needed someone who could work with him to solve his problems instead of a “quick fix”, and he said when I did that, he knew I was right and felt like he couldn’t do anything but agree with me, which made him frustrated at himself. I told him I wasn’t going to argue or beg.
    But honestly, I am confused. I’m not sure how feelings can that were so strong fade within a few minutes of conversation when he had them just a few minutes before. He said he still sees me as a friend, and he loves me, just not as one would love a lover. I won’t beg or plead. But I am wondering if I continue to be his friend and act like one or if I should use the no contact rule and see if he actually means it.
    I would love your opinion on what to do and how much of a chance there is, and if you have the time, I am wondering what happened within those few minutes that made him “fall out of love”. Thank you so much for your time!
    Sincerely, Lyn

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 14, 2018 at 11:55 pm

      Hi Lyn…thanks for your kudos. So frankly, a lot of what you ex is saying about what he wants from you makes no sense. He just seems to philosophical or picky about what he wants for every communication exchange. I am not sure if this is maturity thing or lack of experience or personality preference. I do think given his attitude about how he connect with you that employing No Contact would be a good choice. Pick up my eBook,485 page “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” or any other resources I make available that can help you through this process! Just know..its not “you”, its “him”. Many of the right guys in the right situation would fall very much in love with you

  17. Stephanie

    December 14, 2018 at 11:12 am

    I walked away from my ex 3 weeks ago because he kept snapping (not the first time. Done this previously when he was ill) at me over a period of days leading upto me walking away even though I have been there for him through his depression and his father dying. I felt terrible after as I felt his snapping was due to his depression and his dad dying.
    Despite this I still felt like he needed to say sorry so I gave him space. However, he messaged me to say he is sorry we disnt work and he doesnt want to go back to where we were and I should move on. I did message him and liaised with his friend (she told me he loved me and wanted to marry me and was devastated I walked away and expected me to come back to him the next day. He also said he disnt know what he hd done wrong) and sister but to no avail. He then messaged to say his father had passed (I was heartbroken that I couldnt be there for him). I messaged him on the day of the funeral to say my thoughts are with him and his family. He replied saying thanks and his mum was doing well.
    I then recieved a phone call off him the following morning to say that from a conversation with his friend (the one I was talking to regards our situation) and the messages exchanged between his sister and I he has decided he cannot be friends with me. I remained calm and said ok and we both hung up the phone. Within five minutes he blocked me.
    In your opinion would it be best to move on with my life?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 15, 2018 at 12:01 am

      Hi Stephanie! You can move forward with healing you need to working on being the best version of yourself. And you don’t need to be actively pursuing him. But you need not wipe him clean away from your possibility list.

  18. Ann

    December 12, 2018 at 1:21 pm

    So a guy I was talking to for a month decided he was still in love with his ex. He told me beforehand why it didn’t work between them (different life views, distance between them location wise). He said I handled things well when he told me about trying it out with her, he said he wasn’t even sure if it would work this time but he didn’t want to have any regrets. He said he couldn’t talk to me if he was trying to get her back which I understood but still asked if it was possible to go back to being friends if his situation didn’t work out and I told him if I was available then yes we could. I do miss him but haven’t contacted since having that conversation with him. Do you think I would still have a shot even doing NC?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 13, 2018 at 12:40 am

      Hi Ann!

      I think so. NC has so many elements and tactics associated with hit and it can help you a heck of a lot in the healing department. You need to be emotionally whole as you embrace the future,irrespective what happens!

  19. Danielle

    December 9, 2018 at 4:02 pm

    Hi there,
    I’ve been seeing a guy for about a year, he came straight out of a long term relationship and met me. Though he had been trying to end it with her for quite some time but couldn’t bring himself to break up with her. We hit it off straight from the get go. But I always knew from the beginning he didn’t get his space between realtionships. We have an amazing relationship though, I honestly couldn’t fault the guy, even down to opening doors for me, he always goes out of his way for me. We have a lot of mutual friends, we work for the same company but not the same office. Which has always been an issue for him, he likes his privacy. We had a serious conversation a few weeks ago where he was saying he didn’t know if he saw anything long term with me but then 10 minutes after the conversation he said he didn’t mean it. We had an event on Friday night and afterwards he told me that he felt irritated that I was there but then said I had done absolutely nothing wrong and he didn’t know why he was feeling that way. He’s always been so stressed and complicated about our relationship never wanting to put a label on it, but he isn’t a player type.
    Yesterday I called him and he said he was going to come and see me because he was getting really stressed out about our situation following on from Friday night and that I was supposed to be spending Christmas with his family but he doesn’t know how he feels and he’s worried the holiday period will make me fall harder and he won’t, he then used the “I love you but I’m not in love with you” but that he still cares about me, which I ultimately turned around and said that he sounded like he needs to figure out what he wants and to take some time. He text me a few hours later asking if I was okay and that he wasn’t and that he is “just trying to think what the best thing for both of us is”
    But now what, I encouraged the space, do I wait for him to come back or should I have just accepted that conversation was a break up?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 10, 2018 at 1:03 am

      Make use of the space to focus on “you”…your own healing and efforts to be a better you.

  20. Patricia

    November 29, 2018 at 7:08 am


    my boyfriend broke up with me a week ago after 2+ years because he said it hadn’t felt right for a while. I know that over the past months things got crazy and that made me get clingy and whiny when I got stressed but I’m trying to work on that now. We share an apartment but aren’t currently living together, so I’m wondering how much space to give him – how can I show him that the break-up gave me the kick I needed to figure out what I had been doing wrong?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 30, 2018 at 3:02 am

      Hi Patricia…Its not just you, but him too. I am sure he has done plenty wrong. We all do. Have you tried No Contact. Hop on over to my Home Page and check out my Program so you are up to speed on how to optimize your chances!

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