By Sarah Drees

I had this friend back in college. Her boyfriend at the time told her he needed space.

So, she did something that I thought was absolutely ludicrous at the time. She looked him dead in the eye and said,

“Okay. Have all the space you need.”

and walked away.

My jaw hit the floor when she told me.

“You did what?!”

Less than 36 hours after that she gets a call,

“Baby, I was wrong! Please don’t leave me!”

What was this magic she had spun?

Somehow, she had convinced the man who was clearly preparing to leave her that, instead, she was leaving him.

It was genius!

It was impossible!

Wasn’t it?

Well… obviously not.

If you’ve arrived at this article, I’m going to guess that you likely fall into one of the below categories:

  1. Your boyfriend asked you to give him space and you think he might break up with you
  2. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you gnatted him and then he asked for space
  3. You’re trying out or thinking about trying out the No Contact Rule and are afraid that if you give your ex-boyfriend space, that he might not come back

Fear not! We are going to tackle the art of giving him “space” in-depth so you will leave here feeling confident that giving your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend space is nowhere near as scary as it seems and you may even find that you enjoy having the space.

But first, let’s talk about a few things:

  • What it means to give someone space
  • Some of the reasons why a guy might ask for space in the first place
  • And what to do if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend asks for space

What is Space?

As I was preparing to write this article I literally wrote down on a piece of paper “What is Space?” This led me to several deeper thoughts such as “what is space,” “what is time,” “what is life.”

Wow, that got deep and scary fast. Once I got past those flashbacks from philosophy 101 and I was done questioning the meaning of my existence, I came up with the following:

Space is something that a person may need to disconnect and “refresh” in order to allow themselves to think about certain things and reflect upon something weighing on their mind.

I wrote the definitive eBook about giving people space, “The No Contact Rule Book.  Go pick up a copy!

More simply and bluntly put, he is looking to be left alone for a while.

For purposes of this article, we are going to roll with this understanding.

Before we move on, some of you are probably wondering “well, what if he didn’t say he needed space, but he said that he needed time? That is totally different right?” Well no, not really. For purposes of EBR and this article, think of a guy asking for space and a guy asking for time to be pretty much the same thing. He is looking to be left alone for a while.

Why Did He Ask For Space?

There are a number of specific reasons a guy may ask for space:

  • He’s really busy
  • He has a lot of stress from him family, school, work, etc. right now
  • He’s tired of arguing
  • He’s confused
  • He’s trying to regain control
  • etc.

The list really can go on and on and on. I would encourage you to try not and dwell on finding a specific reason why he may have asked for space, especially, if things seemed like they were going well before he asked for space. If you know why he asked for space because he told you; great! If not, try not to over-analyze it.

The important thing to understand, is that when guys get overwhelmed, they handle their emotions differently than women. As women, we tend to seek out friends and family for support or to vent to. Guys typically do not do this. Men are more likely to bottle things up inside.

Because of this, guys can carry around a lot on a daily basis. Extra emotions or a fight can be enough to cause a guy’s plate to overflow, causing him to try to remove or avoid something from his plate. In this case, if he’s asked for space, you are thing he is trying to remove.

Another thing that is important to understand about men is that they are naturally problem solvers. Men are more likely to retreat and want to “reappear” once they have come up with a solution. They don’t want to necessarily be seen as they are trying to work through things and come up with a solution.

What Should I Do If He Asks for Space?

Simple.

GIVE HIM SPACE.

Definitely give him space.

There are a number of more obvious reasons why giving him the space he has asked for makes the most sense, such as it is more respectful and the more mature thing to do.

However, I know that if you’ve arrived on this page, you probably already know this and so far, you are not convinced that giving him space will work and is the best thing to do. Everything in you is telling you to chase him.

You ask, “Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

So, let’s start by taking a moment to explore what your other option is: Don’t give him space and continue to reach out at a normal or higher rate.

If you are considering this, you may be doing so because you are worried that giving him space will prevent him from coming back. You may feel that reaching out to him as if everything is “normal” may make him realize that he is making a mistake asking for space. Or, you may feel the need to convince him that you two belong together and that you can talk through whatever the issue is and space is not necessary. You may be wanting to show him that your love can conquer whatever it is that made him think that space was the only way to handle it.

I want to make this point really clear… so, I’m going to underline it AND bold it….

Continuing to try to talk to him, text him, or chase after him after he has asked for space is only going to push him further away.

We even have a word here at EBR for continuing to pester someone with texts, calls, emails, and anything else and this is called “gnatting.”

You can read about it here, in “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”  when you’ve finished reading this article. Basically, it’s texting or calling excessively.

Is it gnatting even if I text him like I normally would… nothing more?

YES!

He’s asked you to give him space (a complete disconnect) and you are giving him more than he wants. It’s annoying.

You know when a fly or a gnat is buzzing around and you can’t seem to get it to go away? That is how your ex boyfriend feels when you keep trying to force him to connect when he doesn’t want to.

Please do not be a gnat. Our pros over at EBR will all tell you that gnatting will lower your chances of getting your ex to come back.

That’s right! Gnatting, not giving him space is what will hurt your chances of him coming back.

I polled 10 random guys today. I asked them the following question:

“Would you be more likely to want to get back with someone who

a) you asked for space from and this person gave it to you

or

b) you asked for space from and they texted and/or called you trying to “fix” the situation?”

The results are below:

a) 10 votes

b) 0 votes

That’s right! 100% of guys said that they would be more likely to want to get back together with the person that respected their request and gave them space!

Why Giving Him Space and the No Contact Rule is the Best Option

Giving him space and utilizing the No Contact Rule will allow your boyfriend or ex boyfriend the opportunity to “reset” any bad feelings that he may have towards you. If you haven’t broken up and your boyfriend says he needs space, he is probably feeling stressed or overwhelmed by something in the relationship. He may need time to retreat and come up with the solution, like we talked about at the top of this article.

If you have broken up and you gnatted causing your ex-boyfriend to ask for space, it is paramount that you give your ex-boyfriend space now and begin implementing the No Contact Rule.

So why not learn much more – Get Your Copy of My eBook The No Contact Rule Book

Anything else you do after he asks for space is really going to move you towards the “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend” territory and really, who wants to be her? NOT YOU!!!

In the meantime, focus on becoming ungettable and the best possible version of you.

If you are unsure what Ungettable means, here is a link to an article explaining the term. It is unique to the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, but the concept is pretty easy to follow.

A “Real Life” Example

Think about a dog for a minute.

Imagine that you are standing on an open road. You and the dog are looking directly at each other but there is some distance between you, say 10 feet. This may sound funny but I want you to take a moment and try to picture your ex-boyfriend as that dog. Now I want you to image that dog turning around and walking the other way… The dog is creating space between you and him, just like your ex boyfriend.

Now, your first instinct may be to panic, to run after the dog, or to call it back to you and maybe even offer it a treat. However, if you chase after the dog (your ex boyfriend), what is the dog likely to do? The dog is likely to run away further. The dog may even enjoy being chased by you. If you call the dog back to you and offer it a treat, it may or may not come but if it doesn’t the dog is going to know that walking away from you sure got your attention and he was rewarded, thus this will encourage the dog to do it again. You don’t want to go this route either.
So, if those options don’t work, let’s imagine what you should do. You’re back on the street and the dog is walking away from you. Imagine instead, that you stand there and do nothing. Or, better yet, you turn around and start walking the other way, away from the dog. Now, imagine that when the dog turns around to see if you are following him, he instead sees that you are out having the time of your life! Maybe you’re even giving his much beloved treats to another dog.

What do you think the dog is going to be inclined to do?

If you said come running back, you are right!

Now, let’s apply this example to ex. Your boyfriend asks for space. Instead of freaking out and chasing after him, you simply respect his space. In the meantime you go off and do some UG (Ungettable) things. When your ex boyfriend checks in on you (whether directly by texting you or indirectly through mutual friends or by looking at your social media) he will see that you are off having fun. Your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will be much MORE LIKELY to come back simply because you respected his space and even made the most of it and had a little fun for yourself!

Space isn’t sounding too bad anymore, is it?

You Still Have Reservations?

Wow, you’re still not convinced, huh?

I could just tell you that giving him the space he asked for could not only turn out to be awesome, but that it could strengthen your bond with your ex.

I could tell you that it may even HELP your chances of him coming back!

I’m guessing that if you still are not convinced that you have some other concerns about giving your guy space, so let’s talk through some of the more common questions I see when giving girls advice on our EBR Support Group. 

Will Giving Him Space Make Him Fall Out of Love With Me?

No, we are talking about you giving him space for a short period of time (typically no more than your no contact period). People cannot fall out of love in a matter of weeks. Respecting his space will show maturity and independence which should only make you more attractive in his eyes.

What If He Meets Someone Else While I’m Giving Him Space?

Well, I don’t want to lie to you so it is possible that he could meet another girl while you are giving him space or in No Contact. However, it is highly likely that this person will be a rebound and it will be very short-lived. There are other methods EBR offers to help in these specific situations… so, don’t worry. It’s not hopeless.

How Long Should I Give Him Space For?

I have to admit, this is tricky to answer but I felt like this is probably a really common question so I wanted to take a stab although there is not a “one size fits all” answer here.

If you are still dating and your boyfriend had asked for space, I would recommend giving him space for at least a week or until he reaches out. If he does not respond positively to your reach out after 1 week, do not gnat but give him another week of space. Remember, in the meantime, try to have fun!

Now, if you are broken up you need to give your boyfriend space until your No Contact period is up. You may be thinking, “what if he reaches out before then; has he had enough space?” Stick to your No Contact period and follow the No Contact Rule Book.

Story Time….

Let me leave you with a story, you’ll never guess who it is about…

No really, guess.

Okay fine, I’ll tell you, it is about me! The year was 2008 and I was in my first real High School relationship.

I know. Everybody say it with me…

So this guy, let’s call him “A.”

A and I had a great relationship that moved really quickly. We were in “love” after three weeks of dating. I know, it’s laughable now but this has an important lesson that came with it…

After about two months of being on a romantic high, A completely blindsided me and asked for “space.”

We were not fighting, we were perfect. I thought I was going to marry him and have his babies. I’m completely joking… only kind of, but not really…

Anyway, after A asked for space, I remember thinking that I must show him that space would only pull us apart and lessen our love; that I should show him that I was willing to fight for him and that this would prove to him that we were meant to be together.

I totally gnatted him for a week.

If you are still unclear on what gnatting is, you can read more about it here.

What was the result? He broke up with me a week later. I cried, and cried, and cried. But I DID NOT CONTACT HIM. I inadvertently began no contact and guess what, two weeks later he was BEGGING for me back.

Moral of the story is this: once I finally gave A the space that he was looking for, he was able to realize how much he missed me and how much our relationship meant to him. He began to wonder what I was doing and wanted to talk to me. Give the guy space and show him what he is missing out on.

A Quick Recap

So, something I have found in working with Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that, if we don’t do some kind of recap at the end of an article, our readers tend to pick on point that I made and forget the rest of the article altogether.

So, let’s look at what we discussed today.

  1. When a person asks for space, they are wanting a disconnect from the person they are asking for space from. The want time alone.
  2. There are plenty of reasons that your ex could be asking for space. The important thing is not to get hung up on the “Why?
  3. If he is asking for space, the absolutely BEST option is to GIVE IT TO THEM. Most of the time people don’t know what they want and when they get it they almost instantly realize that it is not what they really wanted.
  4. Then we talked about the reasons you might doubt that this will work… Well, you’re wrong. 9 times out of 10 it will work.

I also try to hook you guys up with a video that can help you moving forward.

For this topic today I think that THIS video is the perfect one for those of you in this situation.

Alright So, I’m going to do one more thing for you today.

I know… she has more?!

You’re probably wondering,

“What did I ever do to deserve such gifts?”

Well, you just clicked on the right article today, my friend.

I am going to open up the comments below for discussion. I want to hear about your situation with your asking you for space.

From there we can discuss your next action.

  1. How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?
  2. Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
  3. What have you done since he asked for space?

415 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

  1. Avatar

    Bailie

    June 18, 2019 at 10:31 pm

    Hello Chris!
    I’ve been reading every single article of yours and they really spoke out to me. I’m writing this because I’m still on be fence!

    So me and a guy I was talking to for 5 months recently told me he needed space a week ago due to us arguing all the time, me getting frustrated and not understanding and made him feel alone and kept pushing him away because I was scared. In the beginning he knew he liked him, tried to go for me right away, tried to kiss me but I told him I needed to take things slow so we did. After a month I really started to like him but I still had my walls up because I was scared of getting hurt again. But In the end I ended up just hurting him. He wanted me to meet his parents as I would be the first one go on vacation but I did no. We got in a huge argument and then he told me he needed space and time because he needed to work on himself and grow as a person, and focus in school- he also told me he wanted to stay friends and that would never change. I wouldn’t accept it at first so the first couple days I “gnatted” him, called him a lot, texted whenever he would text me. But after I read this I stopped it all.
    He’s tried reaching out twice in the last two days but I’m on vacation and been posting me having fun and now he won’t even look at social media.
    He’s been going out with friends more especially this girl even though he said she has a boyfriend of two years now (he’s never lied to me before) and even promised me that he doesn’t want anything with any other girl including Me. And that he doesn’t know if me and him will ever get back together and said he doesn’t think so.

    I’m worried if I even have a chance with him again, I’m worried that I pushed him too far, and I don’t even know if I should text him or continue to ignore him and give him his space which I started two days ago, I’m worried this will just push him away further and find someone else or get so mad he doesn’t want to even be my friend.

    Please give me some advice. It’s been dwelling.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 19, 2019 at 12:42 am

      Hi Bailie….I would continue to give him some space, then reach out to him in the method I teach in my Program – EBR Pro Bundle which is the complete Package.

  2. Avatar

    Anonymous

    June 17, 2019 at 5:37 pm

    Hi, I have been through the no contact rule with my ex we have since met up for coffee. The following week he texted me that he misses me and I responded. He told me that he is very unhappy and then I didn’t hear from him for another week. I reached out to him and briefly spoke on the phone where he said he needs more time to think but wouldn’t tell me about what. I followed up with a text stating that I can no longer wait for him to think as i want him to be happy and I want to support him but he chose to let me go and that I just need to move on as him saying he misses me gave me a false sense of hope. He replied saying that he has been unhappy since we broke up and needs time to think and figure out why he’s unhappy and if it is because we are not together anymore. I then replied that he take all the time he needs to figure his things out but I cannot guarantee that I’ll still be here when he does figure his stuff out. I did not receive a reply and I fully intend on giving him time and space but do you think I ruined my chance with him by stating that I can’t continue to wait?

  3. Avatar

    Ely

    June 17, 2019 at 12:08 am

    Hi,
    Me and my boyfriend turned 8 months few days ago, the relationship is like a whirlwind, we were arguing lately for some changes i noticed to him.He was so sweet before but everytime i will talk to him it will turn to an argument. The last fight was about only a good night kiss, he said good night before we go to bed and didnt even give me a kiss like we used to. I confronted him and turned into a big fight. In the morning he left and didnt text me the whole time, so i texted him first and he replied that he needs to think things and that he will think if he still needs me in hid life or not , he asked for a week of no contacting him.Do you think he got bored because we spent a lot time together? Will he comeback? I heard that his ex is in town and im kind overthinking things. I miss him already but i still not contact him, sometimes im tempt to message him but i didnt. Please some advice about it. Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 17, 2019 at 3:41 am

      Hi Ely….just some time and space apart can help you both get centered.

  4. Avatar

    Jmae

    June 6, 2019 at 6:05 am

    Hi Chris,
    My bf broke up with me with a cliche “I/we need time and space”, it’s been 6weeks now since broke up with me. I accepted at first but then after few days I have been bothering him once or twice every week. I begged, pleaded and talked to him into getting back together for 6weeks already. I know worst mistake, I am embarrassed. I started NC June 3 but I my friend reached out to him on June 5. He called and they talked about the relationship, she told me him also I was miserable without him. I know such a very bad. My friend asked him if the space he wanted was permanent? He said he don’t know, he cannot answer. It’s was not a surprised because he always say that to me every time I say to tale me back. He will just say “I don’t know” or “I dont want it right now” but every time I asked if why not just tell we will never get back together or no chance anymore so I know I would move on. again he will just say “I don’t know”. Which is totally confusing and and frustrating for me.
    My question is did I break my NC when my friend talked to him and told her how miserable I was? And why he can’t answer me every time I asked him to just say it’s over and not working out ever again. But instead he will just say I don’t know. What does it mean?
    I have learned a lot in your websites. I find it very helpful. I hope you can have some time to reply in my post. I would really appreciate that. Thank you and more power.

    Broken

  5. Avatar

    Nicolle

    June 3, 2019 at 5:23 am

    How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?
    Via text message after I reached out to apologize about an argument and not respecting his wish not to talk about his current situation.

    Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
    We haven’t gotten there yet.

    What have you done since he asked for space?

    Reached out to let him know I cared and was her if he needed anything. Asked to let me know if he was okay.

  6. Avatar

    K*Nurse

    May 23, 2019 at 1:04 pm

    I have been with a man for 4 months. We were amazing together. Saw eachother only on the weekends … Texted every day. He is overworked and stressed with work, Financial issues and soon to be ex wife issues. He was recently seperated when we met and neither of us were looking. It just happens it was amazing. He started to pull away and finally asked for a break for time to work on himself. I never saw it coming. In hindsight I now realize he had been pulling away. I have not contacted him. But I am hoping this is just a break! I really feel we are great together and his and my family both feel the same way. Any advise?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 23, 2019 at 11:53 pm

      Hi there K*Nurse…sometimes space and time can do wonders. Take a look at my Program for more details on how you may want to proceed.

  7. Avatar

    Helen

    May 21, 2019 at 12:45 pm

    Hi,
    My partner and I have been together for 3 months. His a recovering addict who has just moved into a recovery support program. He is struggling, which I expected. We haven’t seen each other in a few weeks and he hasn’t spoken to me in over a week. A friend of mine reached out to him and he has said he doesn’t want to break up with me but he doesn’t know if he can be the partner he wants to be right now & that he needs time and space because his not copping at the moment. When I seen this conversation I waited two days before sending him a message to remind him that I love him, care about him, respect his decision & will wait and be here when his ready. I don’t want to walk away from the relationship but not knowing what is going on effects my mental health. (I am seeing a professional about my mental health)

    How long should I wait before reaching out again.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 21, 2019 at 3:49 pm

      I am so glad you are reaching out to get some help with coping thru all. WE all would benefit from seeing a mental health professional. Also, consider taking a look at my Program as it can also help you with the personal recovery and give you some insights on the ex recovery process. You each having some space and time sounds like the right medicine.

  8. Avatar

    PinkLotus

    May 15, 2019 at 6:31 am

    Hi Chris,

    I’m in a LDR with a guy for the last 10 months. From time to time he gets really busy and stressed from work and he contacts me less. Since last week he has been very busy so I gave him space and try not to bother him, he called me when he had a chance and was very affectionate and told me he has been very stressed.
    Yesterday I sent him a text to see if he was ok.. He said he was very tired and said ‘but don’t worry’, that lately he has been busy till late everynight and that he is thinking about everything and his head is going to explode.
    I understand that I’m not the problem, so I will just leave him alone until he reaches out to me again. What do you think? Am I misunderstanding?

  9. Avatar

    Laura

    May 12, 2019 at 8:12 am

    Hi Chris,
    So I met this guy about 3 months ago and he immediately began chasing me, he put all his effort into me and I have to admit, I was less than enthusiastic. Eventually it worked and I decided that I really liked this guy and that I wanted us to be together and so we were, and it was great and we were so happy. Then we had a huge fight (I was being super unreasonable and I did apologize for it) and I thought we would be okay in the end, however, 2 days later and he’s telling me that he just has too much stress in his life already to be dealing with this and he just feels like he needs to commit to his degree and his religion (so basically he was trying to remove stressors from his life and ping, the closest one was me). So after the breakup I sent him a message and said I understood and I hoped we could be friends (this is what he said during the breakup) and he sent a lovely message back agreeing. Only problem is that I DO NOT want to be friends! I know his feelings are still there and that he broke up with me because I did add a whole lot of pressure and stress and a lot of the time I was super unreasonable in understanding his work and the way he divided his time, but I also think that I could get him back by speaking about compromising and being there to support and help him, I’m just wondering how long I should wait to try and “have the talk”.
    Thanks in advance!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 12, 2019 at 3:37 pm

      Hi Laura….probably best to have a more comprehensive plan to coming back together as a couple. Take a look at my Program as I think it could help you. IF you rush into having “the talk”, it can backfire. Usually its best to build up slowly to it.

  10. Avatar

    Ali

    May 7, 2019 at 1:52 am

    Your article helped a lot. My ex & I had been on and off for almost 3 years, he broke up with me about 4 months ago but we have been hanging out, talking everyday, calling each other “babe” and doing a lot of other things people in a relationship would typically do. We were going into this summer with a let’s see what happens attitude but we got into an argument over the weekend and now he says he’s not ready for a relationship because of other things in life he has to deal with and that we should stop seeing & talking to one another but that he’ll always care and adore me and that he doesn’t know what the future holds. I’m going to respect his wishes of not reaching out to him but it’s hard and I don’t know if there’s a chance he’ll come back. What are your thoughts?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 7, 2019 at 1:54 am

      Glad the article helped Ali….sometimes space is a good thing, particularly if you know how to use it. I encourage you to check out my Program so you can learn more about the whole process.

  11. Avatar

    Lindsey

    May 1, 2019 at 9:16 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over 4 years. We’ve had our ups and downs but have managed to get through the rough times. Over two months ago he got a new group of friends who are always partying and going out. He all of a sudden broke up with me because he said he wants so to enjoy his life and wont have time for me. I begged him not to leave me over that. So he came back but our relationship has been very unstable since. He stopped making time for me. Almost every weekend he goes out with his friends. When he is available I ask him to hang out and he makes up excuses of why he can’t hang out with me. This weekend he went out with them Saturday night and Sunday I asked him to spend time with me and his excuse was that he felt sick (cold/flu). I’m used to talking to him multiple times a day through phone calls, text and facetime. Since he has been sick he hasn’t really reached out to me. I’ve offered to take him medication, food etc. but he doesn’t want me to in fact he ignores my texts. So I got upset and I told him I would leave him alone from now on. I feel like maybe another girl might have his attention and that is why he is acting this way. I confronted him about it and he got really mad. He said “I’m really sick and you’re bring up stupid things”. So I told him I would leave him alone and would not bother him anymore, I wished him to feel better. All he responded was “thxz”. After that I blocked his number. He has not reached out and I’m not sure what to do.. Should I let him party with his friends and give him space until he contacts me?????? HELP PLEASE

  12. Avatar

    Millie

    April 29, 2019 at 8:44 pm

    My ex and I have been together over 2 years. It’s long distance and I see him once or twice a month. I had a rough year and I know I’ve said things I regret to intentionally put him down. I tried to break up with him for immature emotional behavior once, he said “no.” Then he tried to break things off 8 months later and I said “no.” I began to be clingy and needy. Then he tried again 4 months later because he said he needed a break. Within 2 months of the break things were pretty much back to normal but I was still being clingy and needy. Last week he broke it off in what sounded very final. We were still texting back and forth and being supportive and understanding of one another and then all of a sudden he stopped responding to me with no warning at all.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 29, 2019 at 8:56 pm

      Hi Millie….I know all of that is frustrating what you have gone through. Perhaps a period of No Contact is in order.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 29, 2019 at 8:56 pm

      Hi Millie….I know all of that is frustrating what you have gone through. Perhaps a period of No Contact is in order.

  13. Avatar

    Jane

    April 25, 2019 at 9:46 pm

    My boyfriend and I dated for 5 months. We got into a big fight on Saturday when I should have just walked away and said ok but I kept nagging him. He left my house angry. The next day was easter and he never texted me. I texted him of course and he told me “he needs space because this relationship is too toxic for him right now and he has never gotten so angry with someone in his life and he needs space to get back into a routine and he’s angry and upset still and i stress him out, it hasn’t been ok, and he can’t be in this right now etc.” Of course I sent him a lot more messages telling him I want to fix it and he told me he knows my intentions aren’t bad and he begged me for space. Of course I felt like giving it to him would make him never come back and forget about me so I kept texting from that sat he said it till Monday. He then blocked my number and unblocked because he didn’t want to hear it. He told me to respect his space because I’m making it worse and digging myself into a hole.

    Well my birthday is 6 days after this aka tomorrow and I’m scared if he will even text me.

    I feel as if he will never come back because of the fighting but I haven’t reached out to him since Monday but it’s only been 3 full days of no contact. I’m nervous.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 25, 2019 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Jane…I know this is a hard time and our minds can be filled with doubts. I hope you are making use of my Program. If not, look at picking up my epic long flagship product, “EGR PRO” as it can help you in many ways as you navigate thru the post breakup period.

  14. Avatar

    Lara

    April 21, 2019 at 11:01 pm

    Thanks for the article, it helpede put a few things into perspective.

    How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months now. Hes 6 years older than me and we have different nationalities. Ive been working ony immigration papers to allow me to stay in the UK. This is a lengthy process and it forced me to go back home for 6 weeks in February. It was very hard on both of us but we made it work. Since I came back to the UK, my boyfriend has been asking me how id feel about getting more serious at some point and he was concerned that I might not want the same things he does at my age or that I might leave the UK. I reassured him twice that none of these situations will happen and that I do want to get serious with him. Two days ago he asked me for some time to think out of nowhere. Things were going incredibly well and he just hit me with it communicating the same concerns to me. I was quite emotional and Im afraid my reaction might have driven him away even further.

    Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
    He said we did not break up but he needs time to think.
    What have you done since he asked for space?
    I havent spoken to him since he asked for space. No contact through any means. Although im deeply hurt and sad, I am forcing myself to get dressed up each day and enjoy my holiday.. spending time with friends and family. I miss him deeply but I wont give him more than a week. After that, I will find a way to move on

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 22, 2019 at 3:27 pm

      HI Laura…I know it hurts but you will get thru this. Utilize No Contact to help lift yourself out of this bad spot. It will get better. Consider picking up my epic long eBook, “EBR PRO” as it get into all the things you should know and do as you proceed forward.

  15. Avatar

    Rose

    April 9, 2019 at 4:33 am

    *How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?* He didn’t. We’ve only been an exclusive couple for two weeks, and the first ten days he was 100% ON. He came on really strong. Then he gradually reduced his contact over a few days and then one day just didn’t talk to me at all for 24 hours. The next day he got back in touch and wanted to postpone a planned date. He never came out and said he wanted space – he made me figure it out for myself. I know we haven’t been dating all that long but we’re in our 30s. Too old for that crap. It shouldn’t be that hard to come out and say “hey I need space.” The way he handled it scans as fishy and it damaged what trust in him I had developed.

    *Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?* He says he’s still here, just really tired. But I find myself feeling somewhere between hurt, angry, and numb, and I worry that by the time he’s had “enough” space, I will have lost interest.

    *What have you done since he asked for space?* Haven’t contacted him at all. He’s still a Facebook friend but honestly it hurts seeing him post things when he’s refusing to talk to me at all, so I’ve hidden him from my news feed.

  16. Avatar

    gracie

    April 7, 2019 at 9:19 am

    Hi, I have been dating this guy for 7 months now. He is a very busy guy and have lots of stress at his work but we managed to get weekends together and then recently he never contact me for two days so I keep texting how he is until we argued as he said he was so busy and stress and tired and then he ask for space. he also said that he knows he would regret it but he cant give what he dont have. I was so sad about it but I send him a message that I am giving him now his space and then after 3 days he text back and say “thank you”. I havent replied to him yet as I was using the no contact rule to give him space. Should I reply or should I wait to text him after my no contact rule period is over. I am giving him 30 days and if he dont contact me I will be moving on from him.

  17. Avatar

    Jodi

    April 7, 2019 at 5:29 am

    Hi Chris. My ex and I have met online and have been in a long distance relationship for 4 1/2 years. He has been here 3 times I have been there 3 times. We were friends before that for awhile. I lied to him about something totally stupid but I didnt know it would go like it did. After awhile when feels gs came into play it was hard. He ended up finding out. I admitted it apologized cried and asked for forgiveness told him it would never happen again. That was 2 years ago. Since then he has brought it up and gotten angry with every issue. He stopped seeing me 2 years ago which brought more issues. 2 mos ago he blocked me. I did the 30 day no contact. I called him on another number and we talk from time to time. He has told me he still loves me and to give him time and that if he took me back now he wouldnt be 100% into it. I asked him how much more time he said he didnt know. He said he has been working on himself but needs more time. He reached out to my daughters 2 days ago after not speaking to them through this neither (they use to talk alot). He has told me theres no other woman and it’s not that hes trying to lose feelings and walk away that he truly needs time. I ts him I would give it to him asked if I could call once a week he said yes. How much longer should I give him and what are the chances of him coming back? What advice would you have? I love him beyond believe. He has been my inspiration for so much change in my life. Still working on me daily.

  18. Avatar

    Kaitlyn

    April 7, 2019 at 1:07 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago. I did this because I felt like “less loved” by him than I did at the beginning of the relationship. I felt like I was just a meesely tug boat in his fleet of yaughts (he is a very social guy with lots of great people around him that look up to him, they call him “The Mayor” or “Dad”.)

    I told him that I felt like he was responding to my affection and appearing annoyed, and he had never done this before.

    When I broke up with him I emphasized that I vauled not only my happiness, but his as well. I wanted ther best for the both of us so I cowardly told him that this wasn’t working and that I wish him the best. In the back of my mind I told myself that we still had a chance and maybe this would make him realize that he needed to step his game up, which is sick and evil, I know.

    I reached out to him not even 6 hours after, telling him I didn’t like how things ended and how I want to talk tomorrow. He texted me back and said he needed “time to think”. I said “okay” and to “let me know if you change your mind.”

    He didn’t change his mind so I went over to his house and I told him how commited I was to working on myself and my anxiety. How much I loved him and how I made a mistake and how he makes me the happiest girl in the world. His reaction was limited to a quick period of teary eye but for the most part motionless. He said he “I don’t have an answer for you” and “I haven’t had enough time to think”. He is now at his parents house. His dad is getting cancer removed and is old and risk. And to top it off his mother is sick too. His father is usually the caregiver for the mother, but now she is going to have to take on the role. My ex is with them right now and doesn’t know how long he’ll be there, but says he’ll be up there for at least the next 4 days. He said he’ll talk to me in person when he gets back, and that he can’t “deal with this roller coaster” right now. Which is completely understandable.

    Now I am left with not only feeling ashamed about taking the cowardly way out, but guilty because I want to be there for him while he’s going through this difficult situation with his family.

    I texted him a few times with no response, like “my thoughts are with you” and “drive safe”, but no response. After reading this article, I deleted his cell and work number, so I’m not tempted to text or call him. However, I didn’t delete a really sweet voicemail from him. I couldn’t get myself to let go of that memory, because I’m still hanging on to the chance of him reaching out to me and welcoming me back with open arms.

    Long story short, I broke up with my boyfriend, I told him it was mistake and now he wants space.

    How do I deal with this anxiety? Or wondering what he’s thinking ? And feeling like he’s alright without me while I’m crying and when I’m not crying I’m eating.

    Help.

  19. Avatar

    Gina

    April 4, 2019 at 12:26 am

    Hi! Thank you for the article.

    My bf and I have been dating for the past 2 and a half years. He is amazing. He is just perfect and now I feel like I have ruined everything because of my constant anger and pressure. My family is putting my under pressure to get married.. and he is 2 years younger than me.. we are in an interracial relationship. And his family works different than mine.. and he kept telling me that we will work towards it. But I needed assurance. He said take my word for it. I come from an Indian family and we are very conservative and the least we need as an assurance is a engagement ceremony. But he wouldn’t even agree . And it started bothering me that he wasnt sure about me all. So about 4 days ago, he kept asking me what was wrong because It seemed like something was bothering me. I told him how I felt about the whole situation and broke down.. he assumed I wanted a breakup (I have tried to breakup several times because I thought we have different priorities) he was patient and wanted me back each time.. but I never really looked at it from his point of view and how much hurt I caused him.. this time I went too far, once he said he wanted to take his leave, I immediately gave him his stuff back and deleted our pictures and messaged his cousin that we broke up. But only when he left my place I realised I had made a huge mistake. This man was perfect and I let him go like this.. I called him back and he cried to me and said I can’t do this anymore. We will not work. And I gnatted him, the whole of next day. He called me and cried so much and said please dont make this difficult, I’m in alot of pain. I still love you, but as of now, you and I cant be together because we will never work. I need to be alone. Give me time. I need space. When I’m ready to talk I will text you. Leave me be for awhile.. and hung up.. I cried and begged him.. and sent him a couple of our pictures and said I’ll wait for you..and I’m sorry.. i understand everything better now and how I screwed up.. I promised him no pressure or anything. My dad spoke to him.. and he told my dad I was harsh and unreasonable when he has never wronged me in anyway.. he said our priorities are so far apart.. she made the decision. She gave me back my things and deleted our photos. I just know I hurt him so much.. and now I finally understand everything. I just want one chance to make it up to him.. prove that I have changed for the better. And I will appreciate him more.. it’s be almost 3 days with absolutely no contact. And it’s killing me. I havent eaten in 3 days or even slept properly. I wake up every few minutes struggling to breathe. And regardless of where I am, home or outside.. the randomest thing reminds me of him.. God he was perfect.. I’m so stupid. It kills me because I know it was all my fault.

    I know he loves me dearly.. but if I gave him the time and space he wants.. will be consider taking me back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2019 at 3:11 am

      You are on the right path with No Contact. Just tap into my resources so you understand all of its elements and how how to best implement.

  20. Avatar

    Disco Kitty

    March 29, 2019 at 2:53 am

    Hi
    So my bf and I had only been dating six months but things were getting pretty serious. He is recently divorced and a few weeks ago, asked for space because in the process of finalizing the divorce, all of these feelings of inadequacy in relationships have come up and his head is a mess. He cares about me and loves me but he’s just not sure about us. I asked him if we had met a year later if he’d feel differently and he said yes. Anyways, since our “break” started, I haven’t reached out to him. He, however, has texted a few times. Last week he asked to see me because a friend of his had passed away and so I let him come over and we hung out a little and though there was no sex, we were cuddly. A few days after that, my beloved cat of almost 16 years died so I called him and he has been there for me a couple of nights this week. And one of those nights, we had sex. That was two days ago and we haven’t been in contact since. My question is, does our relationship seem like it has a chance of surviving?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 29, 2019 at 10:15 pm

      HI Disco Kitty….cool name! So that is the most popular question I get….is it worth pursuing…will the relationship prosper? I think so long as you have a sensible plan, then you can optimize your chances. Check out my Program to learn more!

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 29, 2019 at 10:15 pm

      HI Disco Kitty….cool name! So that is the most popular question I get….is it worth pursuing…will the relationship prosper? I think so long as you have a sensible plan, then you can optimize your chances. Check out my Program to learn more!

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