By Sarah Drees

I had this friend back in college. Her boyfriend at the time told her he needed space.

So, she did something that I thought was absolutely ludicrous at the time. She looked him dead in the eye and said,

“Okay. Have all the space you need.”

and walked away.

My jaw hit the floor when she told me.

“You did what?!”

Less than 36 hours after that she gets a call,

“Baby, I was wrong! Please don’t leave me!”

What was this magic she had spun?

Somehow, she had convinced the man who was clearly preparing to leave her that, instead, she was leaving him.

It was genius!

It was impossible!

Wasn’t it?

Well… obviously not.

If you’ve arrived at this article, I’m going to guess that you likely fall into one of the below categories:

  1. Your boyfriend asked you to give him space and you think he might break up with you
  2. Your boyfriend broke up with you, you gnatted him and then he asked for space
  3. You’re trying out or thinking about trying out the No Contact Rule and are afraid that if you give your ex-boyfriend space, that he might not come back

Fear not! We are going to tackle the art of giving him “space” in-depth so you will leave here feeling confident that giving your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend space is nowhere near as scary as it seems and you may even find that you enjoy having the space.

But first, let’s talk about a few things:

  • What it means to give someone space
  • Some of the reasons why a guy might ask for space in the first place
  • And what to do if your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend asks for space

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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What is Space?

As I was preparing to write this article I literally wrote down on a piece of paper “What is Space?” This led me to several deeper thoughts such as “what is space,” “what is time,” “what is life.”

Wow, that got deep and scary fast. Once I got past those flashbacks from philosophy 101 and I was done questioning the meaning of my existence, I came up with the following:

Space is something that a person may need to disconnect and “refresh” in order to allow themselves to think about certain things and reflect upon something weighing on their mind.

I wrote the definitive eBook about giving people space, “The No Contact Rule Book.  Go pick up a copy!

More simply and bluntly put, he is looking to be left alone for a while.

For purposes of this article, we are going to roll with this understanding.

Before we move on, some of you are probably wondering “well, what if he didn’t say he needed space, but he said that he needed time? That is totally different right?” Well no, not really. For purposes of EBR and this article, think of a guy asking for space and a guy asking for time to be pretty much the same thing. He is looking to be left alone for a while.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Why Did He Ask For Space?

There are a number of specific reasons a guy may ask for space:

  • He’s really busy
  • He has a lot of stress from him family, school, work, etc. right now
  • He’s tired of arguing
  • He’s confused
  • He’s trying to regain control
  • etc.

The list really can go on and on and on. I would encourage you to try not and dwell on finding a specific reason why he may have asked for space, especially, if things seemed like they were going well before he asked for space. If you know why he asked for space because he told you; great! If not, try not to over-analyze it.

The important thing to understand, is that when guys get overwhelmed, they handle their emotions differently than women. As women, we tend to seek out friends and family for support or to vent to. Guys typically do not do this. Men are more likely to bottle things up inside.

Because of this, guys can carry around a lot on a daily basis. Extra emotions or a fight can be enough to cause a guy’s plate to overflow, causing him to try to remove or avoid something from his plate. In this case, if he’s asked for space, you are thing he is trying to remove.

Another thing that is important to understand about men is that they are naturally problem solvers. Men are more likely to retreat and want to “reappear” once they have come up with a solution. They don’t want to necessarily be seen as they are trying to work through things and come up with a solution.

What Should I Do If He Asks for Space?

Simple.

GIVE HIM SPACE.

Definitely give him space.

There are a number of more obvious reasons why giving him the space he has asked for makes the most sense, such as it is more respectful and the more mature thing to do.

However, I know that if you’ve arrived on this page, you probably already know this and so far, you are not convinced that giving him space will work and is the best thing to do. Everything in you is telling you to chase him.

You ask, “Will he come back if I stop chasing him?”

So, let’s start by taking a moment to explore what your other option is: Don’t give him space and continue to reach out at a normal or higher rate.

If you are considering this, you may be doing so because you are worried that giving him space will prevent him from coming back. You may feel that reaching out to him as if everything is “normal” may make him realize that he is making a mistake asking for space. Or, you may feel the need to convince him that you two belong together and that you can talk through whatever the issue is and space is not necessary. You may be wanting to show him that your love can conquer whatever it is that made him think that space was the only way to handle it.

I want to make this point really clear… so, I’m going to underline it AND bold it….

Continuing to try to talk to him, text him, or chase after him after he has asked for space is only going to push him further away.

We even have a word here at EBR for continuing to pester someone with texts, calls, emails, and anything else and this is called “gnatting.”

You can read about it here, in “Desperation 101- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Without Looking Desperate”  when you’ve finished reading this article. Basically, it’s texting or calling excessively.

Is it gnatting even if I text him like I normally would… nothing more?

YES!

He’s asked you to give him space (a complete disconnect) and you are giving him more than he wants. It’s annoying.

You know when a fly or a gnat is buzzing around and you can’t seem to get it to go away? That is how your ex boyfriend feels when you keep trying to force him to connect when he doesn’t want to.

Please do not be a gnat. Our pros over at EBR will all tell you that gnatting will lower your chances of getting your ex to come back.

That’s right! Gnatting, not giving him space is what will hurt your chances of him coming back.

I polled 10 random guys today. I asked them the following question:

“Would you be more likely to want to get back with someone who

a) you asked for space from and this person gave it to you

or

b) you asked for space from and they texted and/or called you trying to “fix” the situation?”

The results are below:

a) 10 votes

b) 0 votes

That’s right! 100% of guys said that they would be more likely to want to get back together with the person that respected their request and gave them space!

Why Giving Him Space and the No Contact Rule is the Best Option

Giving him space and utilizing the No Contact Rule will allow your boyfriend or ex boyfriend the opportunity to “reset” any bad feelings that he may have towards you. If you haven’t broken up and your boyfriend says he needs space, he is probably feeling stressed or overwhelmed by something in the relationship. He may need time to retreat and come up with the solution, like we talked about at the top of this article.

If you have broken up and you gnatted causing your ex-boyfriend to ask for space, it is paramount that you give your ex-boyfriend space now and begin implementing the No Contact Rule.

So why not learn much more – Get Your Copy of My eBook The No Contact Rule Book

Anything else you do after he asks for space is really going to move you towards the “crazy psycho ex-girlfriend” territory and really, who wants to be her? NOT YOU!!!

In the meantime, focus on becoming ungettable and the best possible version of you.

If you are unsure what Ungettable means, here is a link to an article explaining the term. It is unique to the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program, but the concept is pretty easy to follow.

A “Real Life” Example

Think about a dog for a minute.

Imagine that you are standing on an open road. You and the dog are looking directly at each other but there is some distance between you, say 10 feet. This may sound funny but I want you to take a moment and try to picture your ex-boyfriend as that dog. Now I want you to image that dog turning around and walking the other way… The dog is creating space between you and him, just like your ex boyfriend.

Now, your first instinct may be to panic, to run after the dog, or to call it back to you and maybe even offer it a treat. However, if you chase after the dog (your ex boyfriend), what is the dog likely to do? The dog is likely to run away further. The dog may even enjoy being chased by you. If you call the dog back to you and offer it a treat, it may or may not come but if it doesn’t the dog is going to know that walking away from you sure got your attention and he was rewarded, thus this will encourage the dog to do it again. You don’t want to go this route either.
So, if those options don’t work, let’s imagine what you should do. You’re back on the street and the dog is walking away from you. Imagine instead, that you stand there and do nothing. Or, better yet, you turn around and start walking the other way, away from the dog. Now, imagine that when the dog turns around to see if you are following him, he instead sees that you are out having the time of your life! Maybe you’re even giving his much beloved treats to another dog.

What do you think the dog is going to be inclined to do?

If you said come running back, you are right!

Now, let’s apply this example to ex. Your boyfriend asks for space. Instead of freaking out and chasing after him, you simply respect his space. In the meantime you go off and do some UG (Ungettable) things. When your ex boyfriend checks in on you (whether directly by texting you or indirectly through mutual friends or by looking at your social media) he will see that you are off having fun. Your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend will be much MORE LIKELY to come back simply because you respected his space and even made the most of it and had a little fun for yourself!

Space isn’t sounding too bad anymore, is it?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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You Still Have Reservations?

Wow, you’re still not convinced, huh?

I could just tell you that giving him the space he asked for could not only turn out to be awesome, but that it could strengthen your bond with your ex.

I could tell you that it may even HELP your chances of him coming back!

I’m guessing that if you still are not convinced that you have some other concerns about giving your guy space, so let’s talk through some of the more common questions I see when giving girls advice on our EBR Support Group. 

Will Giving Him Space Make Him Fall Out of Love With Me?

No, we are talking about you giving him space for a short period of time (typically no more than your no contact period). People cannot fall out of love in a matter of weeks. Respecting his space will show maturity and independence which should only make you more attractive in his eyes.

What If He Meets Someone Else While I’m Giving Him Space?

Well, I don’t want to lie to you so it is possible that he could meet another girl while you are giving him space or in No Contact. However, it is highly likely that this person will be a rebound and it will be very short-lived. There are other methods EBR offers to help in these specific situations… so, don’t worry. It’s not hopeless.

How Long Should I Give Him Space For?

I have to admit, this is tricky to answer but I felt like this is probably a really common question so I wanted to take a stab although there is not a “one size fits all” answer here.

If you are still dating and your boyfriend had asked for space, I would recommend giving him space for at least a week or until he reaches out. If he does not respond positively to your reach out after 1 week, do not gnat but give him another week of space. Remember, in the meantime, try to have fun!

Now, if you are broken up you need to give your boyfriend space until your No Contact period is up. You may be thinking, “what if he reaches out before then; has he had enough space?” Stick to your No Contact period and follow the No Contact Rule Book.

Story Time….

Let me leave you with a story, you’ll never guess who it is about…

No really, guess.

Okay fine, I’ll tell you, it is about me! The year was 2008 and I was in my first real High School relationship.

I know. Everybody say it with me…

So this guy, let’s call him “A.”

A and I had a great relationship that moved really quickly. We were in “love” after three weeks of dating. I know, it’s laughable now but this has an important lesson that came with it…

After about two months of being on a romantic high, A completely blindsided me and asked for “space.”

We were not fighting, we were perfect. I thought I was going to marry him and have his babies. I’m completely joking… only kind of, but not really…

Anyway, after A asked for space, I remember thinking that I must show him that space would only pull us apart and lessen our love; that I should show him that I was willing to fight for him and that this would prove to him that we were meant to be together.

I totally gnatted him for a week.

If you are still unclear on what gnatting is, you can read more about it here.

What was the result? He broke up with me a week later. I cried, and cried, and cried. But I DID NOT CONTACT HIM. I inadvertently began no contact and guess what, two weeks later he was BEGGING for me back.

Moral of the story is this: once I finally gave A the space that he was looking for, he was able to realize how much he missed me and how much our relationship meant to him. He began to wonder what I was doing and wanted to talk to me. Give the guy space and show him what he is missing out on.

A Quick Recap

So, something I have found in working with Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that, if we don’t do some kind of recap at the end of an article, our readers tend to pick on point that I made and forget the rest of the article altogether.

So, let’s look at what we discussed today.

  1. When a person asks for space, they are wanting a disconnect from the person they are asking for space from. The want time alone.
  2. There are plenty of reasons that your ex could be asking for space. The important thing is not to get hung up on the “Why?
  3. If he is asking for space, the absolutely BEST option is to GIVE IT TO THEM. Most of the time people don’t know what they want and when they get it they almost instantly realize that it is not what they really wanted.
  4. Then we talked about the reasons you might doubt that this will work… Well, you’re wrong. 9 times out of 10 it will work.

I also try to hook you guys up with a video that can help you moving forward.

For this topic today I think that THIS video is the perfect one for those of you in this situation.

Alright So, I’m going to do one more thing for you today.

I know… she has more?!

You’re probably wondering,

“What did I ever do to deserve such gifts?”

Well, you just clicked on the right article today, my friend.

I am going to open up the comments below for discussion. I want to hear about your situation with your asking you for space.

From there we can discuss your next action.

  1. How did he go about asking you for space or time to think?
  2. Did you breakup or have you not quite gotten there yet?
  3. What have you done since he asked for space?

What to Read Next

How to Make Your Ex Miss You Without Talking To Him

By Chris Seiter | 129 comments

I Messed Up The No Contact Rule

By Chris Seiter | 8 comments

The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)

By Chris Seiter | 6764 comments

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673 thoughts on “Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space”

  1. Avatar

    Dee

    March 15, 2021 at 5:45 pm

    My bf of 2 1/2 years had an argument in Friday, as his sister and mum have decided to break lockdown rules and meet up on mothers day. He lives with his mum and told her it wasn’t a good idea as she has an operation soon. I got angry as he still went along with it. We have only ever had 3 rows in our relationship and all 3 have been to do with them breaking lockdown rules. We’ve been in a supper bubble as I live on my own and his Mum’s made comments, rolled her eyes and tutted if he says he’s coming to see me (which at most is once a week atm). His final message to me was that I could still see my daughter mothers day, as he’d been good and she wouldn’t be at risk, then he said ‘think we need a bit of time anyway he. I’ve had enough for now’. I replied agreeing with him. He’s now not text me for 3 days and it hurts. This is a man who when I asked him if he loved me, said he couldn’t say he didn’t as he does have feelings but he’s thought he was in love before and those break ups weren’t the wrench they should’ve been. So I’m here not knowing how he feels but giving him space

  2. Avatar

    Lucy ly

    March 10, 2021 at 4:49 pm

    I just gave my boyfriend nearly 2 weeks space because he said he need alone time to cheering himself up and I feel so painful and insecure about it. Whether He still love me or not. I had questioned my self doesn’t he have met other girl ? Or doesn’t he friend said anything about my relationship with him ? Because before one day of said he need space we still on call and talk sweet which each other than after evening he said he wanna hang out at his friend house. So after that day morning he suddenly becomes like that. He doesn’t want to reply or contact back to me and haven’t seen my text for week now after he want space. And it been a while we no contact each other but we still in relationship. Should i text him “ How have u been Bae?” “ When will u come back?”
    Or Should i keep being silent for other 1 ? weeks ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2021 at 10:37 am

      Hi Lucy, if you are not broken up then you need to reach out and see where you stand, before you can follow the program properly

  3. Avatar

    Aish

    February 24, 2021 at 9:59 am

    Hi
    I have a lot of insecurities. I get severe anxiety when my boyfriend goes out with his friends drinking or anywhere really. I feel like he’ll do things that he shouldn’t be or that he’ll find someone else. All this is based on the fact that I’ve suffered with 2 of my past relationships where I was hurt and cheated on and lied to. This man that I’m with is wonderful and hasn’t done anything to me. Yet I have these fears that I have thrown onto him. Now he feels suffocated and asked to take a break. We are engaged and we’re planning to be married this year. He told me he’ll wait for as long as it takes for me to fix my issues and go back to him. But I don’t know where to start or how to show him if and when I have changed. My heart aches not having him to talk to as much. Please advice me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2021 at 5:49 pm

      Hi Aish, this is understandable where the worries come from – however you are going to have to do some work on your self-esteem as right not you are punishing you boyfriend for things your exes did. You sole focus needs to be on your self esteem and understanding that if he wanted to be with someone else he would – he is choosing to be with you.

  4. Avatar

    Aish

    February 24, 2021 at 9:51 am

    Hi,
    I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and he even proposed to me. We were planning to be married by this year end. Our families like eachother as well. However, a few days back we got into a big fight where he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. He feels that I’m overly possessive and have insecurities that stem from my previous relationships. And I will tell you that that is in fact true. I do get scared and suffer from severe anxiety even thinking about him going out drinking with his friends where he could meet another girl, cheat on me, etc. this has happened to me in 2 of my past relationships where I was unaware for a long time. Anyways, now my boyfriend feels suffocated and wants freedom and space. He doesn’t talk to me the way he used to. We’re not technically together as he said I need to fix my issues and not manifest it on him. He said he’d be there in the end. But I’m scared. I don’t know how to do this or fix things. My heart aches. Please give me some advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2021 at 9:36 pm

      Hi Aish, so this means that you need to stick with a no contact and work on yourself in that time, you need to also take a step back and think about his words, are you overly possessive? Or do you show insecure attachment at all?

  5. Avatar

    Cay

    February 22, 2021 at 6:46 pm

    Dear ExBoyfriend Recovery,

    My boyfriend and I dated for 5 years and then he suddenly broke up with me via email. I was shocked and heartbroken! After he broke up with me, I gnatted him and then he asked for me to not text or email him. I immediately stopped all contact with him.

    It has been 31 days of NC since then. Yesterday, he texted me this message, “Heard that Meagan (my daughter) was in a serious car accident. So sorry to hear that. Hope she is doing better.” Because it had been 30 days, I texted back a simple “Thank you” and that “she is doing better”. I did not follow-up yesterday with any additional text messages asking him how he was doing, or anything else.

    My question for you is, do I wait another 15 days?? Do a send a text in a few days??

    Do I do nothing?

    I am not sure what to do at this point.

    Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 9, 2021 at 9:54 pm

      If you are still looking to get him back then I would suggest that you reach out with a text that Chris suggests in 14 days from when you last spoke

  6. Avatar

    Katie

    February 17, 2021 at 6:21 pm

    Hi!
    My boyfriend brokeup with me because of a few horridly nasty things I said to him over FaceTime. He said he needed space and said this is a final breakup. But then he also said that deep down in his heart he thinks him and me will see each other again. I don’t know if I should text him after a week to just check up on him? Or should I let him text me first? I don’t know if I should move on. I currently find myself in a limbo and just want to know if there is any chance him and me would get back together. Hence why I want to text him and explain or just talk things through.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 19, 2021 at 12:28 pm

      Hi Katie, I know things are said in the heat of the moment, but when it is repeated it takes it toll on a relationship. I would suggest that you take a no contact period of 30 days and leave your ex alone for a little while. Give this article a read and it may help you understand whats going on with your ex – https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/blog/

  7. Avatar

    Kellie Hamilton

    January 31, 2021 at 3:31 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up after 4 years and didn’t speak for a week. I don’t like giving him space because I feel like I will get to where I want to be in life and not want a relationship anymore. Right now,I’m angry because I feel blind sided and confused. I’ve been doing everything to keep him off of my mind because we both need time to grow amd become better people because we did plan on getting a house (already purchased),getting married and having kids. Now my mind has done a 360 and I’m neutral about all of it because I feel like 4 years was a waste of time. I will leave him and if we end up together but much better than before (which is what I want) then that’s fine. The thing I need to get over is how long because it makes things seem like it’ll never happen

  8. Avatar

    Charlotte

    January 17, 2021 at 5:59 pm

    After living together for a year at his family home over 2020 lockdown after only being together for 5 months – very quick, he has now freaked out and said he needs space. I thought all was great! He said he has been having bad thoughts the last couple of months about how serious this is at the age of 25 when he doesn’t have his life together and it’s all too much for him has been scared of hurting my feelings and getting me to move back home partially incase I see it as a step back.
    He doesn’t have a proper job just helps his family business, has no money and hasn’t really achieved anything over the last year and is now having some kind of quarter life crisis about his future and whether he can be responsible for a girlfriend.
    He is not being man up enough to end it so I said have your space. And have now moved home with my family with not even a quarter of my stuff! I don’t want to lose him and waste what has been and amazing year and a half his parents and sisters are texting me saying he needs me and they miss me so much I really became part of the family! He is definitely a guy who escapes going to see the football though, very social and goes out a lot, wants to do his own thing but has been very good to me, I don’t know whether it’s just been the affects of lockdown or what!

  9. Avatar

    M

    January 14, 2021 at 11:33 pm

    My boyfriend of 11 months broke up with me last week because he felt like I wasn’t happy where we were living and that I didn’t do enough to make myself happy (getting healthier and better body). He thinks I belong with my family in another state, so he asked me to leave and I came here to be with them. I gave him a week and texted him to discuss logistics of our apartment. It was a very positive and mature conversation. Long story short, I asked him if he ever thought of trying again because we moved in after a month and a half of dating, so we never really got to be boyfriend and girlfriend and date, especially with coronavirus. Over text, I asked him to consider trying again, which he said he’d consider, but he needs time and space he says, which I am giving him from here on out, but he also doesn’t want me to hang on. I don’t know what to do because this waiting is extremely difficult.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2021 at 10:24 pm

      Hi M, I would agree that you guys moved way too quickly and should not have moved in that soon. I would suggest that you follow the no contact rule and then reach out and get to know him on a dating level first, before trying to be anything more than that.

  10. Avatar

    Juily

    January 9, 2021 at 2:58 pm

    Hello
    My boyfriend tells me that he want space we didn’t talk it’s been 4 day’s now there is a no contact between us he said I’ll msg you when I’m going to be free nd we had a last conversation in that he tells me he is so stressed so he wants time what I have to do I missed him so much

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2021 at 6:58 pm

      Hi Juily, if you are still together then I would suggest that you reach out with a text now and again letting him know you are thinking of him and hope he is okay, do not add pressure to talk to you right now, allow him sometime, hopefully he will come back if you allow space and time.

  11. Avatar

    Lopez

    January 6, 2021 at 2:41 am

    My fiancé and I got in a really heated argument and she said some hurtful comments to where I lashed out and said something hurtful. She immediately severed all communication and said I don’t understand the caliber of damage I just did. She asked for space and said she would reach out when she was ready to talk. The next day I self reflected and sent a super lengthy apology and so forth. Well three days later she finally sends a text saying “I’m not ready to talk, I just wanted to let you know I’m good since we having been talking.” Aka she is physically okay since I worry. I told her I am glad she is okay, and that I miss her and didn’t have to say it back and that I loved her. She said I love you too… well now it has been 5 days total of space and no resolve or conversation yet. I understand respecting space is vital, but at what point do we acknowledge the elephant in the room and resolve the issue? We are engaged. It feels like she’s drifting away. (Not to mention we have went through this before and last time even after speaking she broke up with me a few days later), so the response I feel is that hey we might be in the same place only this time she actually reached out and said something on her own accord. I don’t want to push her away or force her to talk to me, but we are engaged and it’s like we are dead to each other. We don’t even speak or know what is going on with each other each day.

  12. Avatar

    Cams

    January 1, 2021 at 2:17 am

    Hi my boyfriend and I had a huge fight. Then he suddenly break up with me in the middle of the argument. Lately we have been arguing a lot for the same topic. I cried at him and then he said he will think about it.
    I gnatted him for 2 days but nothing works. All I got was swollen eyes for crying for hours. The next day he send me a food delivery and I ask him about it if it was from him. He said he just want to send it to me, I feel touched because he remembers my favorite food. He called me later that night and said that he need to think and was not yet done thinking and he doesn’t want to burn bridges. The next day we met, I went to his place to talk. He let me in and hug me tight. We both cried. But still he ask to give him days to think about us. So I told him I’ll give him a week of space and he nod. I miss him badly. I can’t stop myself from crying. I tried everything and I feel like I have no energy to move

  13. Avatar

    Sarah Hill

    December 15, 2020 at 1:48 am

    Hi, my boyfriend recently found out his parents are splitting up. The last two weeks he has been very distant from me and when I approached him he said that he needed space. I gave him 5 days space and he went back to his parents house and now he came back today and has taken everything back with him. But I’m so confused as he said that he still loves me but I don’t understand why he is treating me like this. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2020 at 10:48 pm

      Hi Sarah, it sounds as if he is not dealing with the split well. He may just want to be at home right now. Leave him be and show him you are not going to hassle or beg him to be in touch with you. IF he ends things then go into an immediate no contact.

  14. Avatar

    Melissa

    November 15, 2020 at 9:40 am

    Hi guys at EBR!!

    Loved this article and I felt it was appropriate for me to drop my story too!

    My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago. During that time we have had multiple contact from both of us. I want to get back with him and I decided keeping in contact and being at his beck and call was not going to help because he was getting the best of both worlds- there when he needed me and single when he wanted to be alone.

    So I decided to give him space and not reply to his most recent message. He seemed to get angry after a few hours that I didn’t reply so I just replied and say ‘sorry I am giving you space’.

    Did I do the right thing or is he now annoyed at me and going to run in the opposite direction? Do you also need to tell an ex you’re doing ‘no contact’? I felt because we’d been speaking every now and again me then going cold Turkey didn’t make a lot of sense so I felt I had to tell him I’m giving him space?

    I’m just looking for some advice moving forward!

    Thank you xx

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 19, 2020 at 7:24 pm

      Hey Melissa, so yes you did right, however I would have said it would have been more effective to just not reply to his angry message either, but for now you keep with your NC and focus on yourself for the rest of this time. Let him miss you

  15. Avatar

    Gabby

    November 15, 2020 at 2:12 am

    Hi team EBR

    I have been dating my guy for a year and half now it’s been on again off again so many times I can not count. Now he says he loves me and we are not together we are working on things and it’s his decision if and when we are together again. Will giving him space chance his mind ? He does contact me still almost every day but it’s not like it was when we were together. Do I still contact him if he does me? What is the best option in my Situation?

    Thank for listening I’m going crazy
    Gabby

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2020 at 6:25 pm

      Hi Gabby, so the first thing you need to realise that you should not be an “option” he either wants to be with you or he doesn’t! You need to make him think/realise you are not going to sit around and wait for him to choose to be with you again, and then drop you when he next feels like it! Read about being ungettable and work on yourself, show him how you are not waiting around for him to choose to be with you or not

  16. Avatar

    Claire

    November 14, 2020 at 2:31 am

    Hi,
    So I’ve been dating this guy for 3 months. Things moved pretty fast since we had more time to get to know each other during quarantine. We established we were in a relationship. Everything was great and we hung out a lot. Three weeks ago he stopped talking to me out of the blue. I gnatted him for a couple days because I had no clue why he stopped talking to me. During my gnatting, He texted me and said he needed to be alone and that he was sorry. He said he was going through some issues. Then he continued to ignore me. I didn’t contact him for a week and he finally called me. During our convo he explained briefly why he retreated and I told him how much he hurt me by ignoring me for 2 weeks. When I asked him where our relationship stood he said that he knew what he did was wrong and he understood if I didn’t want him back. I told him I needed to think about it and we ended the convo. He ended the convo saying he missed me. The next day we chatted some more and things seemed more normal. I told him I wanted to see him and missed him but he ignored my invites to meet up. Then the following day he goes off grid again with no explanation. It’s since been another week he hasn’t talked to me ( wk 3)… I tried to reach out through text but was ignored. Everyone around me is telling me to leave him but I can’t bring myself to… should I keep waiting? If he misses me why doesn’t he want to see me? Why is he ignoring me again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2020 at 9:17 pm

      Hi Claire, from the above I think your guy reached out after you gave him space to test to see if you were still willing to speak to him after him ignoring you for two weeks and you jumped straight back in asking to meet up etc. You need to now No Contact HIM. Otherwise he is going to drop in and out when ever he feels like it.

  17. Avatar

    Summer

    November 6, 2020 at 2:22 pm

    Hey team EBR!!!
    So this is the guy I’ve been with for around 10 months and met twice because of quarantine and he also had broken up with me once 5 months ago on text. We were together after 2 months and then met for 2nd time. The issue is he’s not taking any strong step to make things official or completely committed and upon me asking him that what he really wants, he said he’s not confirmed right now. Actually he’s waiting for his brother to get married first and my family wants to see me settled in my life sooner so in this way it’s getting hard for me to make him convinced and I don’t want to pressurize him. So after being sad and crying on the phone I told him you really need some time once you’re confirmed about me you can tell me but it’s not necessary that I’ll be available. So my question is should I follow no contact rule or simply give him space (no calls & texts) ??
    And if I should give him space how much the duration should be, and should I remove him from social media as well?? Or I should give him a deadline in order to decide and tell me soon so I shouldn’t be wasting my time in thinking when he’ll contact again??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2020 at 5:39 pm

      Hi Summer, so you need to firstly explain to your family that you being settled “soon” is not important to you and that you are focusing on being HAPPY. You need to give your ex some space, following a No Contact for a period of 30 days, work on yourself and do not watch his social media but there is no need to remove him off anything.

  18. Avatar

    Dora

    October 31, 2020 at 9:49 am

    Hi,
    This is quite a confusing story. My boyfriend and I have been together since high school, we’ve now been together for 4 years. On both of our ends it was expressed that even after 4 years we were truly happy in our relationship and our problems were close to none. We had a great bond and could sit around with just each other for hours and have the best time. Now, he’s moved away to start college. This is his first time ever being away from home and having no one he knows around him. It’s basically a whole 180. Long story short he’s realizing there are more interesting people in the world and that he has underlying personal problems that he says he didn’t see until I gave him space. So now I’m giving him space. Unfortunately when we first called I definitely think I gnatted him, but I’ve totally respected him asking for space and haven’t messaged him. He has reached out but he just said that he’s sorry for what’s happening and that he hasn’t forgotten about me and that he’s trying his best to figure everything out before he makes any rash decisions. He’s just at a very confused state. I’m worried if I keep giving him space he’ll forget about me because he’s in an environment with nothing reminding him of me and none of our friends to talk to about this. I really don’t understand how in the blink of an eye you can question your entire 4 year healthy relationship, just after we were talking about getting a place together and arranging a trip for this November. Do you think this is a phase and he’ll come back? We really were great together and this was all so sudden. From what he’s told friends he hasn’t been able to eat properly or sleep because he feels so distraught. But why is he still confused if putting space between us makes him feel like that? I know I don’t need him, but I really want him. We haven’t broken up, we’re just “having space” and I told him to reach out once he’s figured things out. I know I don’t need him but I really want him. Is it really true that I should seem like I’m living my best life by posting things on social media? I’ve been MIA on everything since he asked for space. My gut feeling is that it’ll all be fine, but I’m in desperate need of advice, thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 31, 2020 at 10:10 pm

      Hi Dora, so yes you should be using social media to show your ex how you are doing with out him. Showing him that you are doing great and growing as a person yourself. IF you want to get him back then you are going to have to accept right now he’s experiencing “student” Life and he is going to want to be free to enjoy this time with new friends, if you go into a no contact and show him you are not going to be sitting around waiting for him to come back to you he is going to think about you and miss you

  19. Avatar

    Cap

    October 28, 2020 at 2:03 pm

    Hi,
    My ex boyfriend that I dumped reached out to me after seven months of not seeing each other and me believing that we would never interact ever again. I thought I moved on, and I was seeing another guy, but my ex coming back reopened old wounds and I miss him again. He called me to get closure, but he added me on an app that we used to chat together on and I thought we would be talking again. I wanted to be honest and I told him I was seeing someone, and a day later I asked if we were going to be friends and he said that he needed space. I regret telling him that I was seeing someone especially since we decided to stop seeing each other. I don’t know if I want to get back together, I just wished we would be talking and chatting again like we used to.

  20. Avatar

    ana

    October 26, 2020 at 1:32 pm

    Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years, lived together for 2 and a half years. When Covid-19 came, our country was under a strict lockdown. WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 7 MONTHS in the house. I guess he grew tired. We gave up the apartment, in the meantime I went back to my parents’ home and decided to stay for a while until I study for my MA next school year.

    We were fine and doing well 1 month of being away but then I noticed he just makes up excuses to seem busy. One day I snapped and confronted him about it. We didnt talk for a day. I told him we needed to talk in person and so the next day he went to my house. He stayed the night and we discussed about us. He said I became quite toxic and he got tired because I always ranted my problems to him. I accepted my mistake and told him I was willing to work on it. We almost broke up, we were both crying but ended up hugging each other and decided for a cool-off. The next day, I totally forgot about our cool off and greeted him for our monthsary, he didnt greet me back so I snapped. I continued to gnat him that week… convincing him to come over and talk to “fix” things. NOW I TOTALLY REGRET THIS!!!!!

    I Wish I HONORED OUR 2 WEEKS NO CONTACT. Anyway, he decided to go with my plan and try to “communicate” and get things fixed. We were okay for a day, acted as couples in a LDR. Until that same night we got invited to a friends’ house (dont worry we were socially distanced) we both went to the gathering and lasted until 4am. At 5am he said he’ll take me home… On the way home he asked how I was and I instantly RANTED again without realizing. I KNOW IM UNCONTROLLABLE.

    Just minutes after, he then decided to say ” I want to break up. I don’t love you anymore” But honestly, I dont believe his words because he was just so kind to me before all these. So I BEGGED him not to break up and managed to make a 2 Month Cool Off / No Contact Deal.

    Here’s what he said:
    * I’ll give your things to your brother (they’re friends)
    * I’ll give you our first dog
    * When our other dog gets pregnant, I’ll let you have one baby
    * That he’s been thinking of breaking up with me for a while and he no longer sees me in his future ( NOTE THAT HIS CAREER IS NOT SO GOOD AT THE MOMENT AND I KNOW HE’S STRUGGLING) and this might just be because of the current situation. His actions were the complete opposite of this before our big fight

    On the second day of the No Contact Rule, I decided to just message him plainly telling him to just let our dog stay with him for awhile and that I’ll be the one to get my things when the time comes… just let it be for now.

    I didn’t expect any reply and yes, I didn’t get any but that’s fine for me.

    During the first 2 days of the No Contact Rule, I was miserable. I went to the beach for 2 days just to clear my head.

    I know, I totally made mistakes. I know I was selfish for begging but I desperately didn’t want him to go. At least, he gave me another chance: The No Contact Rule.

    * He asked what if he meets somebody during this period
    — Gosh I was just crying and I dont really remember what I responded. My mother thinks, this is just to push me away and to agree for the break up so that he can finally have his alone tome considering that on the first attempt of the No Contact Rule, I was an animal. So this was his last choice for peace and quiet. That he said things he didnt mean to. And that time will tell whatever he’s thinking about.

    * He said not to expect that we’ll be okay after 2 months of no Contact.
    — This is honestly what I’m worried about. He’s a man of his words. Family said he’ll miss me.. that I just improve myself for now and give him what he wants. But I’m really not that confident because the things he said during supposed “break up” just keeps echoin in my head.

    I need help on what I should do? How do I maintain our relationship even though we’re in NO CONTACT agreement and that he’s not sure if we’ll be okay even after this. I know men are hard to read so please help me.

    NOTE:
    He has belongings here in our house such as a refrigerator, a bed, and a table.

    How Do I correctly use social media and how do I make sure that we’ll be okay.

    I’m planning on giving him a handwritten “apology / better-me” letter after 1 and a half months during the no contact in hopes that this will help him think, I guess.

    Do you think, I still have a chance?

    Thank you so much! I BADLY NEED YOUR HELP! HOW DO I MAKE SURE THAT HE’LL BE BACK?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 28, 2020 at 4:41 am

      Hi Ana, so first off do not sent a hand written letter to your ex, it does not help and it will not give you the results you are hoping for! During your No Contact you need to spend the time focusing on yourself, not worrying about him or the relationship – you need to be happy without him in your life. This is an important factor in the program. Read articles about the Holy Trinity, and being Ungettable. Use this information to improve yourself, spend time with your family and friends where you can. I cannot really tell you if you have a chance or not, its more about you being willing to follow the program and work on yourself, to give yourself that chance of getting him back.

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