What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, I get a lot of questions as you can imagine. However, one of the most prevalent questions I get asked is,

“If I do No Contact, will my Ex forget me?”

The answer to that of course, is a big resounding

“NO.”

But of course, there is more information that goes along with that question. We need to look at WHY your ex will not forget you.

No Contact

So, let’s look at the first step of Ex Boyfriend Recovery, which is No Contact.

For many, No Contact is a phase that instills dread. And it shouldn’t really.

The No Contact Rule works in several different ways. However, it is not my own invention. Many other relationship coaches use No Contact as part of their program. But there are aspects of No Contact that I feel they leave out.

First, no matter what the situation is, it gives you and your ex a chance to cool off.

For example, let’s say you’ve had a big fight and emotions are high. at that moment you are carrying around many different emotions especially. You love your ex, but you are so mad, that you hate them for that moment. Things are said in the midst of anger, when emotions are out of control. And sometimes, we say or do things that are almost impossible to fix later.

This is one of the main points I stress during No Contact. Time apart from your ex and the tense situation gives you a chance to get your emotions in control, some perspective, and get a plan of action together.

Whether it’s 21, 30, or 45 days of No Contact, it’s important for you to take the time to get your emotions in control.Why? Because No Contact comes to an end, and it will be time to get back in touch with your ex when you enter The Texting Phase.

Why?

Because No Contact will eventually come to an end, and it will be time to get back in touch with your ex when you enter The Texting Phase.

This second aspect of No Contact is equally as important. In fact, it builds up his anticipation for the two of you to have a conversation.

It’s very important to utilize this aspect. How do you build up this anticipation?

Well, by focusing on yourself, going out, and having experiences, of course.

But Chris, you say, How does this build anticipation for a conversation in the texting phase?

Patience Grasshopper, that information is coming.

But I need to stress, it is crucial that during No Contact, you go out and do things. Have experiences. Pick up new skills that you’ve always wanted to learn. Go places, try new foods.

In the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Group, we label this part of No Contact as “Becoming the Ungettable Girl,” or “Being a UG.”

Want to know more about being Ungettable Girl? Find out more about that here.

Social Media

Now, while you are out living your life during No Contact, it’s safe to say, you are going to be using all kinds of social media during this time. And if you aren’t the social media type, then now is the time to make yourself familiar, because it is going to play an integral part to stirring your ex’s growing anticipation.

How do I know this? It’s ingrained in our culture these days. You can’t go anywhere in the world now, without someone taking a selfie, posting to Instagram, or checking a feed for some sort of updates. It’s second nature now.

And you are going to use in the effort to regain your Ex.

So, How are you going to use social media to get your Ex Back?
Again, I say patience….

I often tell the story of how I met my lovely wife.

I have written that when I first met my wife, I sort of stalked her. I checked her out on Facebook to see what kind of person she was.

And when I got to her profile, I found out she was an awesome woman, with a lot of friends. And a lot of those friends were guy friends.

And even though we weren’t in a relationship yet, I found myself to be jealous. Because I saw that other people were getting to be around this incredible woman.

And I wanted that. I wanted to be able to get to know her.

I mean… Wouldn’t you? Look at her!

The point of my story is, your Ex is checking your social media. It just so happens I have done a podcast on this very subject,t(Using Social Media to Get My Ex Back Podcast. In this podcast I mention the following statistics:

31% of people posted a picture in an attempt to make an ex jealous.
88% of people check up on their exes using Facebook after a breakup.
64% of people over-analyze wall posts and messages from their ex
50% of people delete their ex’s picture after a breakup.
33% quoted a song/lyrics about their ex.

and most importantly…..
70% of people admitted to using a friend to check up on their ex’s Facebook profile.

You see this last one is important. It’s important because it works on some weird level in your ex’s brain.

Here’s why:

You go out and you become the Ungettable Girl. You are out having new experiences, learning new things; you are cultivating a rich and rewarding social life. And of course, you are posting pictures and videos like crazy. In these videos, you look great, you feel great, and you genuinely look like your having a great time. Smiling, laughing, and projecting a sense of confidence is what would be seen in these pictures and videos.

Why are you going to post and use social media to your advantage? Because more than likely, your ex is falling into that 70% that admitted to checking their ex’s profile. And notice that statement: “admitted to checking.” I would wager that the percentage of people checking on their ex’s social media and not admitting it is slightly higher.

Why is this important? Well, first you have to realize that during No Contact, you are laying the foundation or groundwork to get your ex back. You are getting your emotions in check and having the time of your life.

Out of Sight, Not Quite Out of Mind…

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Out of sight, Out of mind”?

Using social media during the No Contact phase is the main combatant of “out of sight, out of mind.” You may not be talking to him, but he’s definitely checking up on you, which means you are still on his mind.

This is exactly where you want to be.

Will he forget you during No Contact if he’s not checking your social media?

No, there’s emotions there that he either hasn’t come to terms with, hasn’t processed or a combination of the two.

But what you do need to show is that your life is great, with or without him, which in turn will get your ex to thinking,

“Gee, she’s really doing great without me. What have I done by letting her go?”

Recap

So let’s put all this together:

  • You have done or are doing No Contact.
  • You are posting pics and video like there’s no tomorrow on various social media of the new and interesting things you are doing.
  • You are looking and feeling your best in all these photos and videos. You seem to be the very definition of the most fun and interesting person in the world.
  • You have mastered your emotions and have “Let Go without Letting go.”

Do you see the groundwork you’ve laid? You will now have an abundant amount of stuff to talk about.
You want to know what your ex has been up to while you were out living your life?

The Male Mind During No Contact

We’ve actually already written a set of articles about the Male Mind at various stages of No Contact:
The Male Mind During No Contact (2013)
The Male Mind After No Contact (2104)
You should read them! The give you valuable insight to how your Ex may react during this phase.
But, we also have to look at the way all human minds reacts during a breakup.

According to an article written by Megan Laslocky, scientists have compared the levels of dopamine in your brain while you’re in love, to those of a person that have experienced Nicotine and Caffeine.
Notice that they tested alongside two of the most commonly used drugs on the planet – Nicotine and Caffeine.

What did they find? Let me give you a direct quote from this article:

” as far as brain wiring is concerned, when you’re in love, it’s not as if you’re an addict. You ARE an addict.”

The rest of the article, I must say is a little frightening, as it talks about a possible future pill that a person could take to get over heartbreak.I mean, come on. Everyone experiences heartbreak.

I mean, come on. Everyone experiences heartbreak at some point or another.
But not everyone has found Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro.
But I digress.
Now, as I’ve said about the No Contact Rule many times on this site, it takes roughly 66 days to break a habit. See the connection?

ADDICTION = HABIT

BREAKING HABIT = 66 DAYS

So even the longest No Contact of 45 days isn’t enough to get your Ex to forget about you.
The one thing you need to realize in your addicted brain… yes, your brain is addicted too… is that even if your Ex gets a rebound girl, he’s simply swapping one addiction for another.This is why rebounds rarely work out.

This is why rebounds rarely work out.

You on the other hand, during your No Contact, are doing a sort of rehab. You are focusing on yourself, not the source of your addicted brain.
This gives you the mental edge over the Ex.

So let’s put all this knowledge together.

  • 70% of people admitted to using a friend to check up on their ex’s Facebook profile.
  • The Human Brain is the same as a drug addicted brain when it’s in love.
  • The No Contact Phase is shorter than the amount of time it takes to break a habit.

Couple these facts with your new found Ungettable Girl status, and you have all the tools you need to get your ex to want to come back.

But it’s important to realize that you have to conquer your own brain and your range of emotions after the breakup if you want to succeed. Maintaining the habits that you had before your breakup, or hanging on to past emotional hurt and anger will cloud your judgment.

This creates a foundation before moving forward.

It’s important to enter The Texting Phase with a solid foundation and good groundwork laid. You have to be the one in control of the conversation.

Think of it like the movie, “Now You See Me.”One of the main characters says, “Always be the smartest person in the room.

One of the main characters says,

“Always be the smartest person in the room.”

When you enter The Texting Phase, you have to be the smartest person in that conversation. Which means you don’t let anger, sadness, and neediness control your emotions.

But you also have to realize that the possibility of your Ex not having control of his emotions will be a reality. So it’s important to keep all texts positive, and focus on positive things.

You see, what many women and men that have bought Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro find, is that the

No Contact Phase, that they were so afraid of, is not the hardest phase.

It’s the texting phase that is the hardest phase.

The Texting Phase is where you find out the hardest truth about your breakup.

No, your ex did not forget about you.Now, what are you going to talk about to keep his attention?

But now, what are you going to talk about to keep his attention?

I can tell you, especially after consulting with individuals in the Facebook Group, that ideas and strategies for texting your ex are limitless. Some make flow charts. Some script their texts. Some just wing it, and go with the flow that their ex sets. Not sure I recommend the last one, though.

Whatever your approach, the foundation and groundwork still have to be there.

You still have to have things to talk about. Not sure where to start? Have more questions? Those answers and help can be found in my other book The Texting Bible.

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

14 responses to “Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact”

  1. Julia says:

    I accidentally liked his photo on Instagram
    An old photo
    Is it considered as breaking the no contact rule?
    I didn’t remove the like

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Julia,
      It depends..how many days are you in nc now? How active are you in improving yourself and in posting?

  2. MM says:

    Hello!

    My fiance and I started seeing each other 2.5 years ago.

    At that time we were both in the same geographical location – the city – and he had moved here to pursue his dream.

    Now, because of money, he has to travel to his hometown to work which is about 3 hours from where we live.

    Our week therefore looks like this: M, T, W – he is away T, F, Sa – we are together, Su – I am at work and he leaves to stay in his hometown with his parents.

    When this new pattern for our relationship started, he was positive but as time has gone by (it’s now over a year), he has become bitter and negative about work and about driving down on Wednesday night to see me.

    Honestly, I struggled with this switch to long-distance and moreso lately, as he is not the guy I fell in love with when he comes at the end of the week. I have told him this but he snaps at me, telling me that he is doing it for our future (which is partly true).

    Last week I broke up with him after an argument as I was feeling constantly belittled by him and his tone, and that our relationship was being neglected. I did it by text which we promised we would never do, out of respect to each other.

    After sending the text part of me regretted it and the other part was glad. I regretted that I had sent a text, but I was glad he knew exactly how I felt.

    The issue was this happened the day before our friend’s wedding in Ireland, and we were flying to Ireland from my fiance’s hometown the following day. So that day (the day before the flight), I was meant to meet another friend of his who I’d never met before as he had – without asking – set me up to go on a 3 hour train ride with her! I was also expected to spend another 3 hours before he came from work, introducing his friend to his mum – again something I was not asked to do and something they were both nervous about!!!!

    So I didn’t take the train.

    And the response I got from him to the text message was “well if that’s what you want”

    I then did about 4 hours of NC (didn’t realise it was this at the time!) before I caved – I felt guilty sending a text to end everything we’d worked for, and part of me also didn’t want to think about him having fun with his friend. Another gigantic part of me also didn’t want to miss out on the wedding.

    I called him. No answer. I then texted “please call when you have a minute”.

    No call and no text message.

    So the following day, I decided to take a flight to Ireland, thinking it would save our relationship. But I didn’t know if he had gone or not so I spoke to his mum who told me he had but he was a mess so she encouraged me to go.

    I got on a plane but he still wouldn’t pick up my calls, so his mum called him to come and get me from the airport in Ireland.

    He did this but was so concerned with not inconveniencing his friend that I had to firmly ask him to stop the car so we could talk. He said he didn’t have time to call me back and kept saying he “wasn’t happy with my behaviour”. I said that I meant everything I said in the message, my only regret was jumping to the conclusion to end things.

    When I asked what he thought he told me curtly “everything you’ve said has been noted”. When I asked how he felt after the text he said “he was hurt and angry because he was losing his best friend”.

    We then went to the wedding and had an alright time. There were still times, however, when he had conversations with his friend without me – I put that down to him being socially awkward. Also he told me afterwards that she was apparently bad-mouthing me when they spoke in private – what?!? I’d gone out of my way to thank her for giving us the time together but she was very cold towards me for no reason.

    Anyway, we came back and it looked like things had been noted – he didn’t belittle me and he changed his tone when speaking to me.

    Things seemed better for a week but then quickly got bad.

    Last Monday he dropped the bombshell over the phone that he wanted us to move to his hometown once we’re married – WHATTT?! He lives in the countryside – deers and everything – and I’m a city girl with my family and friends and job here, so I asked how he expects that to work! He had no answer, just that it is cheaper there.

    We spoke about it in-depth face-to-face when he came on Thursday and he said he sees two options for our future – we both move to the countryside and he forgets about his dreams in the city (thereby us both resenting each other), or he buys a house in the city which he only lives in 3 days a week and the family we have is raised by me and my family (thereby him resenting me) – how does anyone win here??!

    In that conversation I told him outright that if he had said while we were dating that our relationship was going to be long-distance with a view to me moving, I wouldn’t have taken things further with him.

    On Saturday we were away from each other and he used the tone. When I made him aware of it, he hung up on me. I didn’t respond and he called back 3 hours later to apologise.

    The following day he drove back to where I am to go for a job interview. I had written his application for him as I do this for members of my family and I get some happiness from the task (I’m weird I know!)

    He came in afterwards feeling positive about things. I was attentive and interested but at the end of the conversation he said “oh they’ve asked me to come on Sept 7th so I wasn’t planning to, but I’ll drive down for that day”.

    Now he regularly forgets things I book for us so we have a shared calendar. In that calendar, we are set to be going to the theatre on that date.

    I was therefore very very angry at this point, that he forgot. I raised this with him and he made excuses, before realising that it was true when he looked at the calendar.

    I was so upset that I said that he never makes out he drives down for me anymore – only for his friend or for his editing, not for me.

    He stood by the worktop while I sat with my head in my hands on the sofa.

    He reached out by saying my name a couple of times but I didn’t respond.

    He then said “maybe I should go back to my flat”

    A few minutes passed and I said “aren’t you going to sit down and talk to me? Or don’t you have the balls?”

    I acknowledge that uttering that comment was not my finest hour but I was hurt.

    He then left in silence.

    I called about 2 hours later but no answer. I then texted that he had left chicken curry on my worktop and I am a vegetarian.. Basically trying to open conversation and maybe even get him to come over.. But no answer.

    For the whole of yesterday there was NC.

    I decided to change my Twitter status to remove his name from it, but that was the extent of anything to do with us yesterday.

    Now this morning he has texted saying he misses me but that I make him very angry sometimes.

    I have come across your site today so will try NC but my question is to ask if you think – from his actions – we are actually broken up?

    He has also just texted me to ask if we are together – what should I say?

    Lastly, it’s his birthday this weekend so I booked a train ticket to see him on Sunday, should I go? If not, I have told his mum I’m coming, should I text her and not him? Doesn’t that make me look bad?

    Any advice is much appreciated, thanks for taking the time to read about what’s going on in my heart and mind x

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi MM,

      Since you’re going to his bday, Talk first once you meet in person.. Make it clear with him

  3. Marie says:

    Hello there,

    My boyfriend and I started dating when we were 18/19 and were together almost 7 years. We had a really good relationship for many years. We have known each other since we were 14 and grew up with the same friends and went to the same university. After 6 years, we decided to move in together and living together was fine except we both got into new jobs that we hated, suffered financially, had a lot of stress and weren’t communicating well. I also found out that he was interested in a girl he worked with. He told me he wanted to go on a break and really figure out what he wants and then he finally broke it off three months later. When he broke up with me he told me he just wants to be single and do his own thing without having to answer to someone. He said that if we break up and get back together, our relationship would be better than ever because we will know 100% that we are the ones for each other (He questioned this because we both have only ever been with each other). When we first broke up, he immediately started hanging out with the other girl. After some time of NC he told me that he doesn’t have feelings for her but that shes a friend and an easy lay. He said that initially he thought he had feelings for her but then realized she is just a friend or f** buddy. After two months, we decided to meet up and we had an amazing day together. He said he was still figuring out what he wanted but that he wasn’t as confused anymore and that if we get back together our relationship will be stronger because we will no longer take each other for granted, etc. Since that meet up we talked casually here and there but nothing serious. He then moved into a new condo and invited me over to come and see it after three months of our break up. When I saw him I asked him a lot of questions. He told me he invited me there because he sees a life with me some day, he plans on marrying me, he sees me living there one day, that he feels like this is temporary and he’s more or less trying to figure out when hes ready to be with me again, etc. We discussed that he hasn’t felt the loss of me because we were talking casually on and off. He decided that we shouldn’t talk whatsoever so he can raelly feel the loss of me and figure out what he wants. I told him that he needs to hurry up because he’s losing me and he seemed pretty shocked but said “I don’t want to rush this because if we get back together I’m in it forever. When I left I said “Can I leave here believing in my heart that it is very likely that we will be together again some day” and he said Yes and we kissed goodbye.

    It has now been a month since that conversation. We haven’t talked at all and I still haven’t heard from him but I know he is still spending a lot of time with the other girl and doesn’t seem to be slowing down. At this point, I can’t figure out what to do. I don’t know if he knows he wants to be with me but is waiting until he has a new job (he works with her) because he knows I would have a problem with him working with her. Or if he just wants to be single and doesn’t want to be in a relationship, but when he gets to a point that he wants to settle down, I’m the one?

    At this point I feel like its been 4 months and the NC is only going to grow us further apart. I cannot see how removing me from his life after all this time will give him some sort of answer. Do I continue NC until he reaches out? Or should I try to see him again and ask for a final answer? Is it possible that he will still come back to me?

    Thank you!!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Marie,

      Don’t let other people think that you’re going to put your life on hold like that for them. He’s doing his own thing, enjoying, growing, while you’re waiting? If I we’re you, talk to him one last time and make it clear, if he still says he needs time and someday whatever, tell him, I’m sorry, but I’ve already put myself in a disadvantage here. I thank you for all the memories but I need to move on. And then do at least 30 days no contact rule.. start moving on without totally moving on.. if you still want to try after that… slowly rebuild rapport but continue improving yourself and continue being active in posting in social media

  4. Mishelle says:

    What if he doesn’t use social media? Will this still work?

  5. Georgina says:

    Hi Ex Boyfriend Recovery! Tbh, I have known this site last June when I’m trying to get my ex back who chose his ‘bestfriend’ over me. In short, he left me for that girl who only supplied his attention needs when I was not around. So yeah, I got him back over a day after fighting for him.

    But this last Aug. 17 was the worst one on history. A day after our 3rd anniversary, we had gotten into a heated fight and roughly is my fault. I said a lot of mean things to him that crushed his ego. I was freaking sorry about what happened but he decided to break our relationship bcoz of it and my paranoia of him talking to his freaking mistress during our reconcile. We still talk up to this day but the casual ones. But I somehow divert it into our relationship and look stupid and pityful. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to do the NC and the UG but I’m just afraid that he’ll forget about me. His wish to me was to be happy and strong bcoz if I did, it will assure him that I’m fine and finally leave my life. Help! I’m confused as hell!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Georgina,

      That’s good that you know that you’re beautiful.. Being physically beautiful is just one part of being an ungettable girl. Improve other aspects of your life. Join new workshops, volunteer, improve your skills. Do new things and meet new friends.

  6. Julia says:

    Dear chris
    Few years ago I contacted you regarding my ex and you helped me a lot
    Now I’m facing another problem,I really hope that you will help me as well
    I met a guy about 4 weeks ago,and we stared going out immediately and kissed from the second date and spent all our days together
    He clicked so much and understood so much like I ve never understood anyone
    When I asked him that I need to know what are we he told me he doesn’t know but he likes me so much and he doesn’t want to involve me into his life problems,and he can’t give me an answer right now(it was a day before I traveled)
    When I traveled he was very weird for me for few days,saying he has work and those stuff he is busy and so on
    After few days he told me that his mom is in hospital(which he lied about because I found out she was ok)
    I didn’t directly tell him
    That he was lying but indirectly he understood that I know the truth(he knew how lying thing is a red zone for me)
    So then he told me he can’t be with but he really wants me ,he doesn’t want to involve me into his life problems and it’s better if we end it

    It really broke my heart,because I be never found a person who I thought was that sincere and real with me
    We clicked with everything,same
    Interests,same life problems,same experiences ,same taste,same way of thinking
    I really don’t know what happened,I didn’t see it coming
    And now it’s ve been few days and we didn’t talk
    I want him to come back and regret that he left me that way
    What can I do?
    Is the no contact rule applicable?
    (Like we didn’t officially dated)
    Plus he always checks my Snapchat first(while he doesn’t check other people stories,he checks few people only ) and he likes my photos on Instagram
    Please help me
    I can’t accept the fact that he just lead me on
    Thank you

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Julia,

      yup you can still do the no contact rule.

    • Julia says:

      He texted me today when I arrived to my country
      Saying “welcome back glad you had a safe flight” it was my 11th day of no contact rule.
      I answered
      “Thank you dear”
      Do I have to start the nc Again?
      And I don’t really know what to do when he texts me during the no contac rule? I’m scared not to answer so he might think I’m mad or I moved on and he won’t text me again

      Thank you

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If that’s the only text you replied, carry on..just dont answer again next time

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *