What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact

Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, I get a lot of questions as you can imagine. However, one of the most prevalent questions I get asked is,

“If I do No Contact, will my Ex forget me?”

The answer to that of course, is a big resounding

“NO.”

But of course, there is more information that goes along with that question. We need to look at WHY your ex will not forget you.

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No Contact

So, let’s look at the first step of Ex Boyfriend Recovery, which is No Contact.

For many, No Contact is a phase that instills dread. And it shouldn’t really.

The No Contact Rule works in several different ways. However, it is not my own invention. Many other relationship coaches use No Contact as part of their program. But there are aspects of No Contact that I feel they leave out.

First, no matter what the situation is, it gives you and your ex a chance to cool off.

For example, let’s say you’ve had a big fight and emotions are high. at that moment you are carrying around many different emotions especially. You love your ex, but you are so mad, that you hate them for that moment. Things are said in the midst of anger, when emotions are out of control. And sometimes, we say or do things that are almost impossible to fix later.

This is one of the main points I stress during No Contact. Time apart from your ex and the tense situation gives you a chance to get your emotions in control, some perspective, and get a plan of action together.

Whether it’s 21, 30, or 45 days of No Contact, it’s important for you to take the time to get your emotions in control.Why? Because No Contact comes to an end, and it will be time to get back in touch with your ex when you enter The Texting Phase.

Why?

Because No Contact will eventually come to an end, and it will be time to get back in touch with your ex when you enter The Texting Phase.

This second aspect of No Contact is equally as important. In fact, it builds up his anticipation for the two of you to have a conversation.

It’s very important to utilize this aspect. How do you build up this anticipation?

Well, by focusing on yourself, going out, and having experiences, of course.

But Chris, you say, How does this build anticipation for a conversation in the texting phase?

Patience Grasshopper, that information is coming.

But I need to stress, it is crucial that during No Contact, you go out and do things. Have experiences. Pick up new skills that you’ve always wanted to learn. Go places, try new foods.

In the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Group, we label this part of No Contact as “Becoming the Ungettable Girl,” or “Being a UG.”

Want to know more about being Ungettable Girl? Find out more about that here.

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Social Media

Now, while you are out living your life during No Contact, it’s safe to say, you are going to be using all kinds of social media during this time. And if you aren’t the social media type, then now is the time to make yourself familiar, because it is going to play an integral part to stirring your ex’s growing anticipation.

How do I know this? It’s ingrained in our culture these days. You can’t go anywhere in the world now, without someone taking a selfie, posting to Instagram, or checking a feed for some sort of updates. It’s second nature now.

And you are going to use in the effort to regain your Ex.

So, How are you going to use social media to get your Ex Back?
Again, I say patience….

I often tell the story of how I met my lovely wife.

I have written that when I first met my wife, I sort of stalked her. I checked her out on Facebook to see what kind of person she was.

And when I got to her profile, I found out she was an awesome woman, with a lot of friends. And a lot of those friends were guy friends.

And even though we weren’t in a relationship yet, I found myself to be jealous. Because I saw that other people were getting to be around this incredible woman.

And I wanted that. I wanted to be able to get to know her.

I mean… Wouldn’t you? Look at her!

The point of my story is, your Ex is checking your social media. It just so happens I have done a podcast on this very subject,t(Using Social Media to Get My Ex Back Podcast. In this podcast I mention the following statistics:

31% of people posted a picture in an attempt to make an ex jealous.
88% of people check up on their exes using Facebook after a breakup.
64% of people over-analyze wall posts and messages from their ex
50% of people delete their ex’s picture after a breakup.
33% quoted a song/lyrics about their ex.

and most importantly…..
70% of people admitted to using a friend to check up on their ex’s Facebook profile.

You see this last one is important. It’s important because it works on some weird level in your ex’s brain.

Here’s why:

You go out and you become the Ungettable Girl. You are out having new experiences, learning new things; you are cultivating a rich and rewarding social life. And of course, you are posting pictures and videos like crazy. In these videos, you look great, you feel great, and you genuinely look like your having a great time. Smiling, laughing, and projecting a sense of confidence is what would be seen in these pictures and videos.

Why are you going to post and use social media to your advantage? Because more than likely, your ex is falling into that 70% that admitted to checking their ex’s profile. And notice that statement: “admitted to checking.” I would wager that the percentage of people checking on their ex’s social media and not admitting it is slightly higher.

Why is this important? Well, first you have to realize that during No Contact, you are laying the foundation or groundwork to get your ex back. You are getting your emotions in check and having the time of your life.

Out of Sight, Not Quite Out of Mind…

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Out of sight, Out of mind”?

Using social media during the No Contact phase is the main combatant of “out of sight, out of mind.” You may not be talking to him, but he’s definitely checking up on you, which means you are still on his mind.

This is exactly where you want to be.

Will he forget you during No Contact if he’s not checking your social media?

No, there’s emotions there that he either hasn’t come to terms with, hasn’t processed or a combination of the two.

But what you do need to show is that your life is great, with or without him, which in turn will get your ex to thinking,

“Gee, she’s really doing great without me. What have I done by letting her go?”

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Recap

So let’s put all this together:

  • You have done or are doing No Contact.
  • You are posting pics and video like there’s no tomorrow on various social media of the new and interesting things you are doing.
  • You are looking and feeling your best in all these photos and videos. You seem to be the very definition of the most fun and interesting person in the world.
  • You have mastered your emotions and have “Let Go without Letting go.”

Do you see the groundwork you’ve laid? You will now have an abundant amount of stuff to talk about.
You want to know what your ex has been up to while you were out living your life?

The Male Mind During No Contact

We’ve actually already written a set of articles about the Male Mind at various stages of No Contact:
The Male Mind During No Contact (2013)
The Male Mind After No Contact (2104)
You should read them! The give you valuable insight to how your Ex may react during this phase.
But, we also have to look at the way all human minds reacts during a breakup.

According to an article written by Megan Laslocky, scientists have compared the levels of dopamine in your brain while you’re in love, to those of a person that have experienced Nicotine and Caffeine.
Notice that they tested alongside two of the most commonly used drugs on the planet – Nicotine and Caffeine.

What did they find? Let me give you a direct quote from this article:

” as far as brain wiring is concerned, when you’re in love, it’s not as if you’re an addict. You ARE an addict.”

The rest of the article, I must say is a little frightening, as it talks about a possible future pill that a person could take to get over heartbreak.I mean, come on. Everyone experiences heartbreak.

I mean, come on. Everyone experiences heartbreak at some point or another.
But not everyone has found Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro.
But I digress.
Now, as I’ve said about the No Contact Rule many times on this site, it takes roughly 66 days to break a habit. See the connection?

ADDICTION = HABIT

BREAKING HABIT = 66 DAYS

So even the longest No Contact of 45 days isn’t enough to get your Ex to forget about you.
The one thing you need to realize in your addicted brain… yes, your brain is addicted too… is that even if your Ex gets a rebound girl, he’s simply swapping one addiction for another.This is why rebounds rarely work out.

This is why rebounds rarely work out.

You on the other hand, during your No Contact, are doing a sort of rehab. You are focusing on yourself, not the source of your addicted brain.
This gives you the mental edge over the Ex.

So let’s put all this knowledge together.

  • 70% of people admitted to using a friend to check up on their ex’s Facebook profile.
  • The Human Brain is the same as a drug addicted brain when it’s in love.
  • The No Contact Phase is shorter than the amount of time it takes to break a habit.

Couple these facts with your new found Ungettable Girl status, and you have all the tools you need to get your ex to want to come back.

But it’s important to realize that you have to conquer your own brain and your range of emotions after the breakup if you want to succeed. Maintaining the habits that you had before your breakup, or hanging on to past emotional hurt and anger will cloud your judgment.

This creates a foundation before moving forward.

It’s important to enter The Texting Phase with a solid foundation and good groundwork laid. You have to be the one in control of the conversation.

Think of it like the movie, “Now You See Me.”One of the main characters says, “Always be the smartest person in the room.

One of the main characters says,

“Always be the smartest person in the room.”

When you enter The Texting Phase, you have to be the smartest person in that conversation. Which means you don’t let anger, sadness, and neediness control your emotions.

But you also have to realize that the possibility of your Ex not having control of his emotions will be a reality. So it’s important to keep all texts positive, and focus on positive things.

You see, what many women and men that have bought Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro find, is that the

No Contact Phase, that they were so afraid of, is not the hardest phase.

It’s the texting phase that is the hardest phase.

The Texting Phase is where you find out the hardest truth about your breakup.

No, your ex did not forget about you.Now, what are you going to talk about to keep his attention?

But now, what are you going to talk about to keep his attention?

I can tell you, especially after consulting with individuals in the Facebook Group, that ideas and strategies for texting your ex are limitless. Some make flow charts. Some script their texts. Some just wing it, and go with the flow that their ex sets. Not sure I recommend the last one, though.

Whatever your approach, the foundation and groundwork still have to be there.

You still have to have things to talk about. Not sure where to start? Have more questions? Those answers and help can be found in my other book The Texting Bible.

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Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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63 thoughts on “Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact”

  1. Summer

    February 9, 2018 at 5:32 am

    Hi! My ex and I dated long-distance for one year, we live 2000 miles apart. We talked every single day via text, Facebook messenger and FaceTime. We are both in our 40s. He came to visit me on three occasions. We have a lot of mutual friends because we volunteer for a national organization and I actually met him in person at a conference a year and a half ago. A lot of these mutual friends have been very excited about our relationship. We have talked about getting married and he really wanted me to move to his state because he has a son and he can’t move himself for over two years. We have talked about living here because the cost-of-living is much cheaper. I have not been to visit him in his home state because he lives with his parents and his mom is very strict (controlling) and has a lot of rules. I have no issue meeting and hanging out with his parents a few times, but staying with them and meeting them for the first time sounded really stressful.

    He came to visit me two weeks ago. We celebrated my birthday together and it was absolutely incredible. The following day, Day 4/9 we were talking about our future and he got upset because I told him I really didn’t want to stay at his parents house. He said that his mother really wanted to spend a lot of time with me and that she would get upset if I stayed in a hotel. I told him that it made me feel a bit uncomfortable – Plus I’m over 40 years old. He got really upset, broke up with me and said that I was disrespecting his mother. He threatened to go home. I was in complete shock because that has never happened before. I was hurt that he was considering his mother’s feelings over mine. Although I do understNd that he lives with her and she’s basically in charge of him, with her rules.. I am just beginning to think that he’s really at her mercy. He cried a couple of times but I got him to stay that night and the following day seemed to be going well. But we started talking about the argument from the day before and he basically flipped out about me disrespecting his mother again. He packed up his things and left. I was absolutely devastated. He still had almost 5 days left of his trip and had already spent a lot of money. I don’t understand why he came in the first place if he was that wishy-washy about our relationship. I thought we had a really strong foundation. I have never seen him act this way before and in the four and a half days he was there, he was very emotional the whole time. He kept saying that he didn’t think he’d ever see me again. He was an emotional roller coaster.

    He did text me two days after he left my house and said he made it home safe – but I didn’t reply.. I haven’t talked to him in 10 days now. I miss him so much! He is normally very active on social media but has been pretty quiet, he hasn’t deleted me or any pictures and hasn’t changed his relationship status. I normally don’t use Facebook much but I have posted on FB a few times since – fun pictures etc. I also haven’t changed anything though all my friends keep telling me to do so. I’m confused why he hasn’t deleted me? He really hurt me and a part of me wants to just delete him and be done forever, before he does it to me first. He kind of already has. . I’m torn if I should reach out to him at some point because I have written like 10 letters. Help…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2018 at 1:02 pm

      Hi Summer.

      Have you sent those letters? How many times have you broken up?

  2. Grishma Bijukumar

    January 28, 2018 at 11:47 pm

    Hi me and ex broke up in November and I haven’t spoken to him since as the breakup was too painful and messy, his birthday is coming up in March and I was thinking of ending the NC period then as I have an actual reason to message him. Is 4 months too long for NC? Has he already forgotten me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 1:48 am

      Hi Grishma,

      It is long but why did you break up? And how much did you improve yourself and how active are you in posting?

  3. Melanie

    January 17, 2018 at 12:39 pm

    Hello there.
    I need your help; my boyfriend and I broke up on January 1st this year – we had two dogs together. I have one and he has one now. I do really miss him and he texted me about the money I owe him, I responded to him, he seemed nice but cold at the same time. All I see is he is constantly online on whatsapp. I have made a instagram account for our dogs, he constantly likes the pictures on them but not mine on my facebook. I do feel so bad. I have such a weird feeling and I’m afraid he is not gonna miss me. Please help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2018 at 8:23 am

      Hi Melanie,

      How active are you in improving yourself? It’s ok if he doesn’t like your posts, as long as you keep posting.. That’s your indirect way of showing your improving and not chasing.

  4. Sada

    January 13, 2018 at 8:04 am

    When my ex broke up with me I deleted him from Snapchat and Facebook. I don’t really post much on Facebook about my social life anyway because I have parents and grandparents on there and they don’t need to know about some stuff lol. But if I added him back on Snapchat, would that be breaking NC or making it less effective?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 11:43 am

      Hi Sada,

      It would be better to do it Facebook instead because your posts don’t disappear there.. Make a new account, and then in that account block your relatives.. so that when he searches your name, he’ll see the new account and see your posts.. so, that means you need to make your posts public.

  5. Shelly

    January 12, 2018 at 8:03 pm

    What if my ex doesn’t use social media? We’ve been broke up for 2 weeks — he completely pulled away because I became too needy and eventually he pulled away so far I had to do the dirty work and end it. I’ve come to so many realizations and have perspective that I constantly want to share with him. He is completely non-emotional right now. I know what we had was special. We were so close and happy until I messed it all up with my fears. Is this repairable? I don’t know what to do. :-/ I sent him an email last weekend and he suggested “meeting for dinner with time permits” but that sounds very elusive. Help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 12:54 am

      Hi Shelley,.
      You just need to make your posts public because there is a chance that he will check your account.

  6. chloe

    January 4, 2018 at 8:49 pm

    Hello

    My boyfriend of 8 years ended it over text the other day saying he loves me but isn’t in love with me anymore, he showed no signs of this happening and can’t give me any explanation other than he wants to be on his own, he swears to me that there is no one else. I’ve started NC but do you think it will work?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 6, 2018 at 12:18 am

      Hi Chloe,

      It’s not a guarantee that it will work in any situation, but it will help increase your chances.

  7. HF

    January 4, 2018 at 8:26 pm

    Hello

    My boyfriend finished with me over text about a week ago said he loves me but is not in love with me anymore and just wants to be on his own, it was so out of the blue but he said he has felt like it a while but didn’t want to hurt me, I texted so much abuse afterwards but have now commenced NC do you think it will work? And if so how long do I keep NC ongoing?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 6, 2018 at 12:15 am

      Hi Hf,

      it’s not a guarantee to work in any situation but it helps increase your chances.. how long were you together? And how many times have you broken up?

  8. Sandra

    December 30, 2017 at 10:24 am

    Hi,
    I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years. And he broke up coz his family was not approving of our inter caste marriage. He mistreated me a lot while explaining me to break this relation in the notion that I’ll hate him and that will be the best thing for me to move on. I however gave it time but he dint stop insulting me and keeping me badly. I finally one day when I saw him text a random girl blocked him on my whatsaap. It’s been a month he’s not reacted to that but has spoken to mutual friends about how upset he is. He stalks my profiles every single day. However I’ve made it all Private in the past week. Should I continue no contact? I don’t want to initiate speaking again at any cost until he does. Is he forgetting me if I make my social media private?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 10:26 pm

      Hi Sandra,

      it would be better if you make it public again.

  9. Linda

    December 25, 2017 at 11:30 am

    We have went on other trips other than the two mentioned. I had been able to address his stressing behaviour before when it doesn’t involve me. I feel like he is just being stubborn, and not wanting to resolve things. It has been 4 months since our original breakup. I am not sure what he wants. Could you please shed some light on this?

    Thank you team!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 27, 2017 at 5:58 pm

      Hi Linda,
      It sounds like he’s disrespectful but you see it as your fault because you were upset every time he tells you off..I think you should move on from him..

  10. Linda

    December 25, 2017 at 11:16 am

    Hi Chris, My ex and I have dated for 1 year and 3 months before we broke it off. I am a newbie, and he has had 3 short term relationships. Our main problem is that we have different ideas on how to communicate. I find it stressful when he stresses over new situations/ unexpected circumstances, or tells me off when he thinks I am wrong or to blame. Sometimes I might be, other times it might just be a matter of opinion and understanding of situations. There had been two days in our entire relationship to date that has set the tone.

    The first was while we went on a holiday where there were tight schedules with lots of activities and new adventures. He had felt the pressure and responsibility on his shoulders with assisting me while we went snorkeling, and started to tell me off about things which I felt was unfair so I had reacted indignantly. I know it was not my finest hour. I yelled and cried for him to understand and clarify but he just proceed to calling me names. We ended it a month after, but communicated daily, met every other weekend. We were on the road to recovery, until we recently went on another prearranged trip and something similar happened (I had wanted to talk and prevent things from happening, but he had refused to spare me the time). I know I overreacted, and said as much. He called me mental, and is refusing to hear or understand that there are triggers. I asked for his patience and understanding that I am not used to be told off. In retrospect, I think I overreacted due to the buildup of tiredness, stress from not being comfortable in deep open water, stress from his stressing and telling off. I really want to communicate that to him. He is however not listening, and had said since that there is nothing more to discuss because we are just friends. He definitely acted and said we were more than friends, and could work things out before the incident happen. However, he still wanted to meet to exchange presents. I have no idea why. Is there any chance? Should I do NC? I have done a week of NC before, and he was furious.

  11. Ms. Full of Hope

    November 20, 2017 at 4:53 pm

    Day 9 of no contact and I’m holding it together just for the simple fact that I’ve used this program before and it worked! And i want this to work more than ever and I know if i reach out i’ll have to start my days over with no contact…and plus i know the biggest thing is I trust it and i hope this time it works! Love you baby! I’m changing for both of us! I’m so sorry i wasnt the woman you deserved.

    4 years- &1 kid later… he met me when i first had my son and helped me raise him.

    Everyone out there trust in this program and still with no contact no matter how much you miss and love him!
    Peace!

  12. A.S.

    October 31, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    Hello,

    I was in a gay dating relationship. This is the second time my ex broke up with me. Last time, I stopped contacting him for 2 weeks, then he asked me out for a movie and we restarted dating. But this time, it’s been over 2 weeks of no contact, he still hasn’t reached out to me. I was wondering if he’s moved on or forgotten about me. I also find him on those gay dating apps, well, aka, hookup apps on and off. One more thing, after the breakup, he stopped liking my Instagram posts, but is watching my Instagram live videos. I want him to reach out to me, instead of me reaching out to him. I really don’t what to do. Could you please give me some advice or analysis on my case based on my current situation.

    Thank you very much.

    Sincerely,
    A.S.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 8:50 pm

      Hi A.S,

      It’s common that the ex doesn’t reacg out during nc.. What’s more important is that you keep improving yourself and being active in posting during and after nc.. If you don’t want to initiate, you have to set a limit until when you would wait for him initiate before moving on..

  13. Carla

    October 29, 2017 at 10:29 am

    Day 25 of NC. Still haven’t heard from my ex long distance boyfriend. Do you think he forgot about me? Cutting my long story short, we were “dating” for a year, long distance, my sister found out that he was dating another girl back home (he travels a lot for work and we met at one of the cities he traveled to) then told him to tell me. He did, I asked him what he wanted from me, told him to figure out what he wants and if he’s going to sort out things with her tell me, if he wants to try and fix things between us then we can talk. But I told him I have to back off. No response from him. I actually think he started NC before I did. What do you think I should do? Continue NC or move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 30, 2017 at 2:51 pm

      Hi Carla,

      He didn’t start nc.. Because that means if he did, he has the goal tp initiate contact and get you back.. He’s trying to guage how long you can hold off before going back to him or he chose the other girl..check this one:
      My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

  14. SK

    October 24, 2017 at 6:32 pm

    Thanks for the response. So according to the article you shared in reply to my comment, I have decided upon something. I am planning to take up the offer from him but on my terms. Whatever will happen, will happen on my terms. Am I doing this right? What should be my next move??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 26, 2017 at 7:21 pm

      Nope..actually what the article meant to say is, girls who want to get their ex back by sleeping with them thinks it’s ok if it’s in their terms but it’s not.. Especially in your case, he wants to be fb, then agreeing to it means you’re agreeing that’s all you’ll be..

  15. Elissa Veronica

    October 23, 2017 at 7:31 am

    Hi! I broke up with my boyfriend who treats me like a doormat. I want him to realize his mistake.

    Is it okay if i switch my phone off for a month of no contact? It’s impossible to keep it on and avoid his calls because once he starts calling, he calls continuously and i melt but when i get back, he again treats me like trash. please help. Can i switch off my phone?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 5:13 pm

      Hi Elissa,

      Yes, you can..

  16. Elissa Veronica

    October 23, 2017 at 7:28 am

    Hi! I’m starting No contact today after breaking up with my bf who treats me like a doormat. I love him and want him back so I’m implementing no contact.

    My question is that can i switch my phone off to implement no contact? It’s unbearable to keep it on and not take his calls because he’s the kind who starts calling the day I leave, only to again treat me like trash once I’m back with him? Is it okay if I switch my phone off for a month of No contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 5:13 pm

      Hi Elissa,

      Yes, you can..

  17. SK

    October 20, 2017 at 4:16 pm

    Hello Team.
    I had completed my 30 days No contact rule. I did even before I knew about this website. And suddenly one day my ex drunk calls me. But as I was at my friend’s place I couldn’t talk to him. So I told him to call the next day. And same thing happened. I was again busy with my friends and so we couldn’t talk. So after 2-3 days post this, I called him and we talked like we used to talk while we were dating. This went on for 2-3 days. At the end of the 3rd day we agreed even to meet. But then as he was again busy, we couldn’t meet. And then 2 days went by without any message from him. And then suddenly I realized he did the same thing again. Earlier also he had broken up in this fashion only. Without giving any clarifications. He had unfollowed me on Twitter. Tho I am still following him. He keeps tabs on me on Twitter. He checks every tweet of mine. And replies in sly. So I kept on texting him. Bugging him. He even used to reply. His responses were somewhat positive and neutral. The last we talked he told me it’s all over between us. And I should leave him alone. Also he asked me “Tell me something..Are you enjoying my pessimistic replies and attitude towards you??”. To which I replied “I am trying to get hurt from you so that it’ll be easy for me to move on.” And so at the end he dropped a bomb. That he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone. He just wants his desires ( read as lust) to be fulfilled. And so he proposed me a friends with benefits relationship. Which he clearly knew, I won’t accept. And which I declined the moment he asked.

    Now the thing is when were dating he had told me many a times that he is into some mess and which he cannot tell me. So I am guessing that he is into some problem which he doesn’t want me to be a part of and so he is making me away on purpose.

    Can you please help? What should I do? I am planning of accepting his offer of with benefits relationship just to be sure that if he is really into the only sex part or he really is in a mess. And what can be my next move?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 23, 2017 at 11:41 pm

  18. SK

    October 18, 2017 at 5:05 pm

    Hello Team.
    I had completed my 30 days No contact rule. I did even before I knew about this website. And suddenly one day my ex drunk calls me. But as I was at my friend’s place I couldn’t talk to him. So I told him to call the next day. And same thing happened. I was again busy with my friends and so we couldn’t talk. So after 2-3 days post this, I called him and we talked like we used to talk while we were dating. This went on for 2-3 days. At the end of the 3rd day we agreed even to meet. But then as he was again busy, we couldn’t meet. And then 2 days went by without any message from him. And then suddenly I realized he did the same thing again. Earlier also he had broken up in this fashion only. Without giving any clarifications. He had unfollowed me on Twitter. Tho I am still following him. He keeps tabs on me on Twitter. He checks every tweet of mine. And replies in sly. So I kept on texting him. Bugging him. He even used to reply. His responses were somewhat positive and neutral. The last we talked he told me it’s all over between us. And I should leave him alone. Also he asked me “Tell me something..Are you enjoying my pessimistic replies and attitude towards you??”. To which I replied “I am trying to get hurt from you so that it’ll be easy for me to move on.” And so at the end he dropped a bomb. That he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone. He just wants his desires ( read as lust) to be fulfilled. And so he proposed me a friends with benefits relationship. Which he clearly knew, I won’t accept. And which I declined the moment he asked.

    Now the thing is when were dating he had told me many a times that he is into some mess and which he cannot tell me. So I am guessing that he is into some problem which he doesn’t want me to be a part of and so he is making me away on purpose.

    Can you please help? What should I do? I am planning of accepting his offer of with benefits relationship just to be sure that if he is really into the only sex part or he really is in a mess. And what can be my next move?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 22, 2017 at 6:49 pm

  19. Anonymous vk

    October 17, 2017 at 3:09 am

    But i badly want him back. I can’t live without him. We did so many things together n everything just reminds me of him. Please help me out. What should i do next?
    Should i talk to him directly?
    I hope I’m not bugging you guys by asking for suggestions daily, as there’s no one to share it with n my friends don’t understand me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2017 at 8:37 pm

      The more reason you should do it for yourself.. Being desperate is not attractive..check this one:
      EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?

    2. Anonymous Vk

      October 18, 2017 at 6:22 am

      Thanks a lot team. Im listening to your podcasts too. I’ll find myself now. No more desperation. I’ll work upon it. Also I’ll unfollow him on Facebook so that I cannot see his online status. Thanks a ton. I’ll go with the flow, if he’ll come its gonna be his choice, if not, I don’t give a damn now. ❤️

    3. Anonymous vk

      October 19, 2017 at 9:17 am

      UPDATE: he came back!!! On 18th day at night, he said he wants me n never wanted a breakup but didn’t have the courage to stop me as he was all tangled in his own life (read as work pressure & also he’s preparing for a job for future so he’s quite messed up with it).
      So he admitted he loves me a lot n he hated it when he saw me posting on Facebook check-ins with guy friends.
      So now im thinking of taking it slow so that he doesn’t lose interest over me again n I’ll be less available. Any tips?
      And also i wanna know, if he’s too active on social media should i be worried about it? As I don’t think there’s some other girl in his life. He confessed everything last night n was sorry for not being there.
      He asked for some time so that he can be settled well n so that after that we can stay together.

      Thanks a lot team!
      Lots of love. Xx

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 19, 2017 at 3:37 pm

      Yup you should take it slow.. observe first, don’t jump into conclusions.

  20. Anonymous vk

    October 16, 2017 at 6:32 pm

    Also, now i think from today, he has set his eyes on some new girl of his office as they recently became friends on Facebook n today after coming from work he was online for 4 hours straight (THAT NEVER HAPPENED. Not even when we were together).
    I’m so broke right now. Maybe I’ll start the NC period over again from tomorrow & I’ve decided to stay away from social media for a couple of days n i will find a new job. It hurts when i see him active on social media n he doesn’t talk to me. 15 days of Nc was a waste i guess as it doesn’t affect him in any way. i hope he’ll regret it someday!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 16, 2017 at 11:23 pm

      Yep, you broke it.. If you’re going to restart it, do it for yourself..

  21. Anonymous VK

    October 16, 2017 at 3:56 am

    Hey team,
    Yesterday was my 15th day. And i got to know from a friend that there’s some guy who’s trying to win me over so he was disgracing me in front of my ex by saying things which i never said to him, about him.
    So i texted him yesterday to say that do not listen to him, he’s just hyping things.
    My ex did replied after 2 hours saying, “alright I’ll not listen baby”.
    He called me BABY! It means he wants to show there’s still love left for me.
    But after that i just said thanks (after 10 mins) and said okay (instant reply) and I just said hmm after 2 mins n didn’t text him after that, neither he did n he didn’t even came online after that.
    What should i do next?
    Maybe i broke the NC rule but he still replied. And i had to drop the msg as the other person was trying to take my ex’s place in my life by simply hyping things n making him think im bitching about him behind his back.
    i want him badly in my life n when i saw his reply, my heart exploded.
    Please reply. Im planning to drop him a text after 4 days as there’s a festival coming soon which is his favourite one. And i strongly believe he loves me a lot. Just want to know how to ask him to come back in my life. I’m restless!!!

  22. Anonymous

    October 16, 2017 at 3:07 am

    Im trying every bit to improve myself. I’m working out, talking n going out with friends but stil i end up missing him. Always. 24/7! And i end up crying.

  23. Anonymous VK

    October 15, 2017 at 3:15 am

    Hey team,
    I am trying everything but just couldn’t get over him. Yesterday one of our friends tried and asked him what went wrong between us and he said its a long story, will tell you some other day.
    When i broke up with him, i said a lot of things in frustration n anger n i guess he’s hurt. A lot.
    Should i talk to him 15th day today.
    Also, 4 days prior, i was there outside his office for some work, he saw me n avoided me because he didn’t want to come in front of me. What should i do. I love him a lot. He rarely comes on social media. Maybe just for a few minutes on fb and whatsapp. I’m feeling guilty now. We broke up because he was too busy for me. Please help. It feels like im dying

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 15, 2017 at 8:19 pm

      Hi Anonymous,

      Even if he’s not much into social media, you should be active in posting..how active are you in improving yourself?

  24. Anonymous VK

    October 14, 2017 at 11:09 am

    Its my 14th day of NC. I get to know from our common friends that my ex is enjoying with his friends in office and is all chilled out (i used to work in the same office). It feels like he doesn’t care about us anymore. What should i do? Should I continue with NC? Will it actually work? I badly need him back in my life. Please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 14, 2017 at 12:06 pm

      Hi Anonymous,

      You should do the same.. How active are you in improving yourself and in posting?

  25. MissAGA

    October 11, 2017 at 3:08 pm

    I deleted all of my social media accounts while my ex and I were together and am not really interested in getting them back. I still have snapchat, on which he and I are friends so I can post stories he can see and we also have a daughter together so once no contact is over I will be interacting with him some in regards to that (right now we are communicating through his mother, and since I am living with family since moving out I can plan to not be home when he comes to get her– trying to do no contact the right way!). Is this enough or do I really need to bite the bullet and make a new IG or FB?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 12, 2017 at 12:07 pm

      HI MissAGA,

      you mean with your family and not his right? Yes, it would be better to open FB and IG because posts that lasts or stays in your account are better..

  26. Julia

    September 4, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    I accidentally liked his photo on Instagram
    An old photo
    Is it considered as breaking the no contact rule?
    I didn’t remove the like

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 7:49 pm

      Hi Julia,
      It depends..how many days are you in nc now? How active are you in improving yourself and in posting?

  27. MM

    August 29, 2017 at 1:08 pm

    Hello!

    My fiance and I started seeing each other 2.5 years ago.

    At that time we were both in the same geographical location – the city – and he had moved here to pursue his dream.

    Now, because of money, he has to travel to his hometown to work which is about 3 hours from where we live.

    Our week therefore looks like this: M, T, W – he is away T, F, Sa – we are together, Su – I am at work and he leaves to stay in his hometown with his parents.

    When this new pattern for our relationship started, he was positive but as time has gone by (it’s now over a year), he has become bitter and negative about work and about driving down on Wednesday night to see me.

    Honestly, I struggled with this switch to long-distance and moreso lately, as he is not the guy I fell in love with when he comes at the end of the week. I have told him this but he snaps at me, telling me that he is doing it for our future (which is partly true).

    Last week I broke up with him after an argument as I was feeling constantly belittled by him and his tone, and that our relationship was being neglected. I did it by text which we promised we would never do, out of respect to each other.

    After sending the text part of me regretted it and the other part was glad. I regretted that I had sent a text, but I was glad he knew exactly how I felt.

    The issue was this happened the day before our friend’s wedding in Ireland, and we were flying to Ireland from my fiance’s hometown the following day. So that day (the day before the flight), I was meant to meet another friend of his who I’d never met before as he had – without asking – set me up to go on a 3 hour train ride with her! I was also expected to spend another 3 hours before he came from work, introducing his friend to his mum – again something I was not asked to do and something they were both nervous about!!!!

    So I didn’t take the train.

    And the response I got from him to the text message was “well if that’s what you want”

    I then did about 4 hours of NC (didn’t realise it was this at the time!) before I caved – I felt guilty sending a text to end everything we’d worked for, and part of me also didn’t want to think about him having fun with his friend. Another gigantic part of me also didn’t want to miss out on the wedding.

    I called him. No answer. I then texted “please call when you have a minute”.

    No call and no text message.

    So the following day, I decided to take a flight to Ireland, thinking it would save our relationship. But I didn’t know if he had gone or not so I spoke to his mum who told me he had but he was a mess so she encouraged me to go.

    I got on a plane but he still wouldn’t pick up my calls, so his mum called him to come and get me from the airport in Ireland.

    He did this but was so concerned with not inconveniencing his friend that I had to firmly ask him to stop the car so we could talk. He said he didn’t have time to call me back and kept saying he “wasn’t happy with my behaviour”. I said that I meant everything I said in the message, my only regret was jumping to the conclusion to end things.

    When I asked what he thought he told me curtly “everything you’ve said has been noted”. When I asked how he felt after the text he said “he was hurt and angry because he was losing his best friend”.

    We then went to the wedding and had an alright time. There were still times, however, when he had conversations with his friend without me – I put that down to him being socially awkward. Also he told me afterwards that she was apparently bad-mouthing me when they spoke in private – what?!? I’d gone out of my way to thank her for giving us the time together but she was very cold towards me for no reason.

    Anyway, we came back and it looked like things had been noted – he didn’t belittle me and he changed his tone when speaking to me.

    Things seemed better for a week but then quickly got bad.

    Last Monday he dropped the bombshell over the phone that he wanted us to move to his hometown once we’re married – WHATTT?! He lives in the countryside – deers and everything – and I’m a city girl with my family and friends and job here, so I asked how he expects that to work! He had no answer, just that it is cheaper there.

    We spoke about it in-depth face-to-face when he came on Thursday and he said he sees two options for our future – we both move to the countryside and he forgets about his dreams in the city (thereby us both resenting each other), or he buys a house in the city which he only lives in 3 days a week and the family we have is raised by me and my family (thereby him resenting me) – how does anyone win here??!

    In that conversation I told him outright that if he had said while we were dating that our relationship was going to be long-distance with a view to me moving, I wouldn’t have taken things further with him.

    On Saturday we were away from each other and he used the tone. When I made him aware of it, he hung up on me. I didn’t respond and he called back 3 hours later to apologise.

    The following day he drove back to where I am to go for a job interview. I had written his application for him as I do this for members of my family and I get some happiness from the task (I’m weird I know!)

    He came in afterwards feeling positive about things. I was attentive and interested but at the end of the conversation he said “oh they’ve asked me to come on Sept 7th so I wasn’t planning to, but I’ll drive down for that day”.

    Now he regularly forgets things I book for us so we have a shared calendar. In that calendar, we are set to be going to the theatre on that date.

    I was therefore very very angry at this point, that he forgot. I raised this with him and he made excuses, before realising that it was true when he looked at the calendar.

    I was so upset that I said that he never makes out he drives down for me anymore – only for his friend or for his editing, not for me.

    He stood by the worktop while I sat with my head in my hands on the sofa.

    He reached out by saying my name a couple of times but I didn’t respond.

    He then said “maybe I should go back to my flat”

    A few minutes passed and I said “aren’t you going to sit down and talk to me? Or don’t you have the balls?”

    I acknowledge that uttering that comment was not my finest hour but I was hurt.

    He then left in silence.

    I called about 2 hours later but no answer. I then texted that he had left chicken curry on my worktop and I am a vegetarian.. Basically trying to open conversation and maybe even get him to come over.. But no answer.

    For the whole of yesterday there was NC.

    I decided to change my Twitter status to remove his name from it, but that was the extent of anything to do with us yesterday.

    Now this morning he has texted saying he misses me but that I make him very angry sometimes.

    I have come across your site today so will try NC but my question is to ask if you think – from his actions – we are actually broken up?

    He has also just texted me to ask if we are together – what should I say?

    Lastly, it’s his birthday this weekend so I booked a train ticket to see him on Sunday, should I go? If not, I have told his mum I’m coming, should I text her and not him? Doesn’t that make me look bad?

    Any advice is much appreciated, thanks for taking the time to read about what’s going on in my heart and mind x

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 11:50 am

      Hi MM,

      Since you’re going to his bday, Talk first once you meet in person.. Make it clear with him

  28. Marie

    August 28, 2017 at 4:06 pm

    Hello there,

    My boyfriend and I started dating when we were 18/19 and were together almost 7 years. We had a really good relationship for many years. We have known each other since we were 14 and grew up with the same friends and went to the same university. After 6 years, we decided to move in together and living together was fine except we both got into new jobs that we hated, suffered financially, had a lot of stress and weren’t communicating well. I also found out that he was interested in a girl he worked with. He told me he wanted to go on a break and really figure out what he wants and then he finally broke it off three months later. When he broke up with me he told me he just wants to be single and do his own thing without having to answer to someone. He said that if we break up and get back together, our relationship would be better than ever because we will know 100% that we are the ones for each other (He questioned this because we both have only ever been with each other). When we first broke up, he immediately started hanging out with the other girl. After some time of NC he told me that he doesn’t have feelings for her but that shes a friend and an easy lay. He said that initially he thought he had feelings for her but then realized she is just a friend or f** buddy. After two months, we decided to meet up and we had an amazing day together. He said he was still figuring out what he wanted but that he wasn’t as confused anymore and that if we get back together our relationship will be stronger because we will no longer take each other for granted, etc. Since that meet up we talked casually here and there but nothing serious. He then moved into a new condo and invited me over to come and see it after three months of our break up. When I saw him I asked him a lot of questions. He told me he invited me there because he sees a life with me some day, he plans on marrying me, he sees me living there one day, that he feels like this is temporary and he’s more or less trying to figure out when hes ready to be with me again, etc. We discussed that he hasn’t felt the loss of me because we were talking casually on and off. He decided that we shouldn’t talk whatsoever so he can raelly feel the loss of me and figure out what he wants. I told him that he needs to hurry up because he’s losing me and he seemed pretty shocked but said “I don’t want to rush this because if we get back together I’m in it forever. When I left I said “Can I leave here believing in my heart that it is very likely that we will be together again some day” and he said Yes and we kissed goodbye.

    It has now been a month since that conversation. We haven’t talked at all and I still haven’t heard from him but I know he is still spending a lot of time with the other girl and doesn’t seem to be slowing down. At this point, I can’t figure out what to do. I don’t know if he knows he wants to be with me but is waiting until he has a new job (he works with her) because he knows I would have a problem with him working with her. Or if he just wants to be single and doesn’t want to be in a relationship, but when he gets to a point that he wants to settle down, I’m the one?

    At this point I feel like its been 4 months and the NC is only going to grow us further apart. I cannot see how removing me from his life after all this time will give him some sort of answer. Do I continue NC until he reaches out? Or should I try to see him again and ask for a final answer? Is it possible that he will still come back to me?

    Thank you!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 8:10 pm

      Hi Marie,

      Don’t let other people think that you’re going to put your life on hold like that for them. He’s doing his own thing, enjoying, growing, while you’re waiting? If I we’re you, talk to him one last time and make it clear, if he still says he needs time and someday whatever, tell him, I’m sorry, but I’ve already put myself in a disadvantage here. I thank you for all the memories but I need to move on. And then do at least 30 days no contact rule.. start moving on without totally moving on.. if you still want to try after that… slowly rebuild rapport but continue improving yourself and continue being active in posting in social media

  29. Mishelle

    August 28, 2017 at 2:54 am

    What if he doesn’t use social media? Will this still work?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      He’ll probably get curious and check your accounts so make your posts public

  30. Georgina

    August 28, 2017 at 2:10 am

    Hi Ex Boyfriend Recovery! Tbh, I have known this site last June when I’m trying to get my ex back who chose his ‘bestfriend’ over me. In short, he left me for that girl who only supplied his attention needs when I was not around. So yeah, I got him back over a day after fighting for him.

    But this last Aug. 17 was the worst one on history. A day after our 3rd anniversary, we had gotten into a heated fight and roughly is my fault. I said a lot of mean things to him that crushed his ego. I was freaking sorry about what happened but he decided to break our relationship bcoz of it and my paranoia of him talking to his freaking mistress during our reconcile. We still talk up to this day but the casual ones. But I somehow divert it into our relationship and look stupid and pityful. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to do the NC and the UG but I’m just afraid that he’ll forget about me. His wish to me was to be happy and strong bcoz if I did, it will assure him that I’m fine and finally leave my life. Help! I’m confused as hell!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 7:09 pm

      HI Georgina,

      That’s good that you know that you’re beautiful.. Being physically beautiful is just one part of being an ungettable girl. Improve other aspects of your life. Join new workshops, volunteer, improve your skills. Do new things and meet new friends.

  31. Julia

    August 21, 2017 at 8:00 pm

    Dear chris
    Few years ago I contacted you regarding my ex and you helped me a lot
    Now I’m facing another problem,I really hope that you will help me as well
    I met a guy about 4 weeks ago,and we stared going out immediately and kissed from the second date and spent all our days together
    He clicked so much and understood so much like I ve never understood anyone
    When I asked him that I need to know what are we he told me he doesn’t know but he likes me so much and he doesn’t want to involve me into his life problems,and he can’t give me an answer right now(it was a day before I traveled)
    When I traveled he was very weird for me for few days,saying he has work and those stuff he is busy and so on
    After few days he told me that his mom is in hospital(which he lied about because I found out she was ok)
    I didn’t directly tell him
    That he was lying but indirectly he understood that I know the truth(he knew how lying thing is a red zone for me)
    So then he told me he can’t be with but he really wants me ,he doesn’t want to involve me into his life problems and it’s better if we end it

    It really broke my heart,because I be never found a person who I thought was that sincere and real with me
    We clicked with everything,same
    Interests,same life problems,same experiences ,same taste,same way of thinking
    I really don’t know what happened,I didn’t see it coming
    And now it’s ve been few days and we didn’t talk
    I want him to come back and regret that he left me that way
    What can I do?
    Is the no contact rule applicable?
    (Like we didn’t officially dated)
    Plus he always checks my Snapchat first(while he doesn’t check other people stories,he checks few people only ) and he likes my photos on Instagram
    Please help me
    I can’t accept the fact that he just lead me on
    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 9:57 pm

      Hi Julia,

      yup you can still do the no contact rule.

    2. Julia

      August 29, 2017 at 8:01 pm

      He texted me today when I arrived to my country
      Saying “welcome back glad you had a safe flight” it was my 11th day of no contact rule.
      I answered
      “Thank you dear”
      Do I have to start the nc Again?
      And I don’t really know what to do when he texts me during the no contac rule? I’m scared not to answer so he might think I’m mad or I moved on and he won’t text me again

      Thank you

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 12:29 pm

      If that’s the only text you replied, carry on..just dont answer again next time