By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 8th, 2021

Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, I get a lot of questions as you can imagine. However, one of the most prevalent questions I get asked is,

“If I do No Contact, will my Ex forget me?”

The answer to that of course, is a big resounding


But of course, there is more information that goes along with that question. We need to look at WHY your ex will not forget you.

No Contact

So, let’s look at the first step of Ex Boyfriend Recovery, which is NO CONTACT.

For many, No Contact is a phase that instills dread. And it shouldn’t really.

The No Contact Rule works in several different ways. However, it is not my own invention. Many other relationship coaches use No Contact as part of their program. But there are aspects of No Contact that I feel they leave out.

First, no matter what the situation is, it gives you and your ex a chance to cool off.

For example, let’s say you’ve had a big fight and emotions are high. at that moment you are carrying around many different emotions especially. You love your ex, but you are so mad, that you hate them for that moment. Things are said in the midst of anger, when emotions are out of control. And sometimes, we say or do things that are almost impossible to fix later.

This is one of the main points I stress during No Contact. Time apart from your ex and the tense situation gives you a chance to get your emotions in control, some perspective, and get a plan of action together.

Whether it’s 21, 30, or 45 days of No Contact, it’s important for you to take the time to get your emotions in control.Why? Because No Contact comes to an end, and it will be time to get back in touch with your ex when you enter The Texting Phase.


Because No Contact will eventually come to an end, and it will be time to get back in touch with your ex when you enter The Texting Phase.

This second aspect of No Contact is equally as important. In fact, it builds up his anticipation for the two of you to have a conversation.

It’s very important to utilize this aspect. How do you build up this anticipation?

Well, by focusing on yourself, going out, and having experiences, of course.

But Chris, you say, How does this build anticipation for a conversation in the texting phase?

Patience Grasshopper, that information is coming.

But I need to stress, it is crucial that during No Contact, you go out and do things. Have experiences. Pick up new skills that you’ve always wanted to learn. Go places, try new foods.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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In the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Group, we label this part of No Contact as “Becoming the Ungettable Girl,” or “Being a UG.”

Want to know more about being Ungettable Girl? Find out more about that here.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Social Media

Now, while you are out living your life during No Contact, it’s safe to say, you are going to be using all kinds of social media during this time. And if you aren’t the social media type, then now is the time to make yourself familiar, because it is going to play an integral part to stirring your ex’s growing anticipation.

How do I know this? It’s ingrained in our culture these days. You can’t go anywhere in the world now, without someone taking a selfie, posting to Instagram, or checking a feed for some sort of updates. It’s second nature now.

And you are going to use in the effort to regain your Ex.

So, How are you going to use social media to get your Ex Back?
Again, I say patience….

I often tell the story of how I met my lovely wife.

I have written that when I first met my wife, I sort of stalked her. I checked her out on Facebook to see what kind of person she was.

And when I got to her profile, I found out she was an awesome woman, with a lot of friends. And a lot of those friends were guy friends.

And even though we weren’t in a relationship yet, I found myself to be jealous. Because I saw that other people were getting to be around this incredible woman.

And I wanted that. I wanted to be able to get to know her.

I mean… Wouldn’t you? Look at her!

The point of my story is, your Ex is checking your social media. It just so happens I have done a podcast on this very subject,t(Using Social Media to Get My Ex Back Podcast. In this podcast I mention the following statistics:

31% of people posted a picture in an attempt to make an ex jealous.
88% of people check up on their exes using Facebook after a breakup.
64% of people over-analyze wall posts and messages from their ex
50% of people delete their ex’s picture after a breakup.
33% quoted a song/lyrics about their ex.

and most importantly…..
70% of people admitted to using a friend to check up on their ex’s Facebook profile.

You see this last one is important. It’s important because it works on some weird level in your ex’s brain.

Here’s why:

You go out and you become the Ungettable Girl. You are out having new experiences, learning new things; you are cultivating a rich and rewarding social life. And of course, you are posting pictures and videos like crazy. In these videos, you look great, you feel great, and you genuinely look like your having a great time. Smiling, laughing, and projecting a sense of confidence is what would be seen in these pictures and videos.

Why are you going to post and use social media to your advantage? Because more than likely, your ex is falling into that 70% that admitted to checking their ex’s profile. And notice that statement: “admitted to checking.” I would wager that the percentage of people checking on their ex’s social media and not admitting it is slightly higher.

Why is this important? Well, first you have to realize that during No Contact, you are laying the foundation or groundwork to get your ex back. You are getting your emotions in check and having the time of your life.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Out of Sight, Not Quite Out of Mind…

Have you ever heard the phrase, “Out of sight, Out of mind”?

Using social media during the No Contact phase is the main combatant of “out of sight, out of mind.” You may not be talking to him, but he’s definitely checking up on you, which means you are still on his mind.

This is exactly where you want to be.

Will he forget you during No Contact if he’s not checking your social media?

No, there’s emotions there that he either hasn’t come to terms with, hasn’t processed or a combination of the two.

But what you do need to show is that your life is great, with or without him, which in turn will get your ex to thinking,

“Gee, she’s really doing great without me. What have I done by letting her go?”


So let’s put all this together:

  • You have done or are doing No Contact.
  • You are posting pics and video like there’s no tomorrow on various social media of the new and interesting things you are doing.
  • You are looking and feeling your best in all these photos and videos. You seem to be the very definition of the most fun and interesting person in the world.
  • You have mastered your emotions and have “Let Go without Letting go.”

Do you see the groundwork you’ve laid? You will now have an abundant amount of stuff to talk about.
You want to know what your ex has been up to while you were out living your life?

The Male Mind During No Contact

We’ve actually already written a set of articles about the Male Mind at various stages of No Contact:
The Male Mind During No Contact (2013)
The Male Mind After No Contact (2104)
You should read them! The give you valuable insight to how your Ex may react during this phase.
But, we also have to look at the way all human minds reacts during a breakup.

According to an article written by Megan Laslocky, scientists have compared the levels of dopamine in your brain while you’re in love, to those of a person that have experienced Nicotine and Caffeine.
Notice that they tested alongside two of the most commonly used drugs on the planet – Nicotine and Caffeine.

What did they find? Let me give you a direct quote from this article:

” as far as brain wiring is concerned, when you’re in love, it’s not as if you’re an addict. You ARE an addict.”

The rest of the article, I must say is a little frightening, as it talks about a possible future pill that a person could take to get over heartbreak.I mean, come on. Everyone experiences heartbreak.

I mean, come on. Everyone experiences heartbreak at some point or another.
But not everyone has found Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro.
But I digress.
Now, as I’ve said about the No Contact Rule many times on this site, it takes roughly 66 days to break a habit. See the connection?



So even the longest No Contact of 45 days isn’t enough to get your Ex to forget about you.
The one thing you need to realize in your addicted brain… yes, your brain is addicted too… is that even if your Ex gets a rebound girl, he’s simply swapping one addiction for another.This is why rebounds rarely work out.

This is why rebounds rarely work out.

You on the other hand, during your No Contact, are doing a sort of rehab. You are focusing on yourself, not the source of your addicted brain.
This gives you the mental edge over the Ex.

So let’s put all this knowledge together.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz
  • 70% of people admitted to using a friend to check up on their ex’s Facebook profile.
  • The Human Brain is the same as a drug addicted brain when it’s in love.
  • The No Contact Phase is shorter than the amount of time it takes to break a habit.

Couple these facts with your new found Ungettable Girl status, and you have all the tools you need to get your ex to want to come back.

But it’s important to realize that you have to conquer your own brain and your range of emotions after the breakup if you want to succeed. Maintaining the habits that you had before your breakup, or hanging on to past emotional hurt and anger will cloud your judgment.

This creates a foundation before moving forward.

It’s important to enter The Texting Phase with a solid foundation and good groundwork laid. You have to be the one in control of the conversation.

Think of it like the movie, “Now You See Me.”One of the main characters says, “Always be the smartest person in the room.

One of the main characters says,

“Always be the smartest person in the room.”

When you enter The Texting Phase, you have to be the smartest person in that conversation. Which means you don’t let anger, sadness, and neediness control your emotions.

But you also have to realize that the possibility of your Ex not having control of his emotions will be a reality. So it’s important to keep all texts positive, and focus on positive things.

You see, what many women and men that have bought Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro find, is that the

No Contact Phase, that they were so afraid of, is not the hardest phase.

It’s the texting phase that is the hardest phase.

The Texting Phase is where you find out the hardest truth about your breakup.

No, your ex did not forget about you.Now, what are you going to talk about to keep his attention?

But now, what are you going to talk about to keep his attention?

I can tell you, especially after consulting with individuals in the Facebook Group, that ideas and strategies for texting your ex are limitless. Some make flow charts. Some script their texts. Some just wing it, and go with the flow that their ex sets. Not sure I recommend the last one, though.

Whatever your approach, the foundation and groundwork still have to be there.

You still have to have things to talk about. Not sure where to start? Have more questions? Those answers and help can be found in my other book The Texting Bible.

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100 thoughts on “Will My Ex Forget Me If I Do No Contact”

  1. Em

    May 24, 2020 at 6:30 pm

    Hi, my bf of 2.5 years started being distant then I pushed if he wanted to be with me then he said I feel like I’m holding you back tbh so I broke down said don’t be silly anyway 3 days later I pushed again and he said I don’t think I want to be in a relationship it’s all pressure and arguments I love you and fancy you that’s why it’s hard I finally persuaded him to just take space and we have a break he’s sent several texts say he does not want anyone else no interest in talking or seeing anyone he doesn’t class his self as single if I’m in danger text him etc, this is hard for him bla bla he’s gone back to his mums said he hasn’t told anyone about it and my picture is still on his phone he’s all confused with what he wants, I’m heartbroken anyway after back and forth texts the last message I sent was- just tect me when your head is clear and you know what you want stay safe. No reply if he does reply I’m starting no contact today. I’m 30 and he’s 24 he’s just lost his job and has been really down lately. I want my man back

  2. arina

    May 18, 2020 at 4:32 am

    i and my bf had a argument about a week ago
    he never used to give me enough time and I argue with him on that topic and argument went so bad that I told a lot of bad stuff to him which hurt him as hell
    also I was the one who asked for brkup
    he also told me that he need brkup and we stayed without communication for about 3 days after 3 days I apologized him but he told that he is so confused about our realtionship
    One of my friend told me that he has been so stressed and not slept whole nights
    I fell so sorry for him and I pledged him a lot and beg him too
    and he told me that he might want some time and space but he himself is not sure whether he will be back to me or not
    he told me that he will tell his decision in june 1st which include 14 days but I am confused whether he will text me or not
    I am dong NC right now
    will it work even after begging him a lot and at last letting him take his time

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 11:03 pm

      Hi Arina, if you spend your 45 days No Contact focusing on yourself and working on yourself confidence then you will find that you are going to be able to change your exes perception of you. But it is important that you do this without breaking your No Contact, this includes watching your exes social media

  3. Sierra

    April 30, 2020 at 3:23 pm

    So me and my ex were together for almost a year and a half. We fought a lot and had problems but always worked them out and really loved each other. Every time we fought he’d be fighting for me the whole time. He was head over heels for me, he thought i was the one and I never thought he’d break up with me no matter what. There’s been a lot of drama and i was the cause for a lot of fights and pain and suffering because it’s really hard for me to get over things and id hold it against him or always come up with issues because he would act a way i didn’t like or be immature etc.
    About a week or two ago we had a fight and it dragged on for a while and then we made up like usual but i kept talking about it for a while and then he texted me a few hours later and said he had been spending some time talking to his brother and wanted to talk in person. I knew what this meant. I spent the whole rest of the day and evening screaming and crying and begging. I had never been in this position with him and I was shocked. He told me he just needed a break and we could get back together in a few weeks. Then about a week of having a “break” and only texting if i texted him or before bed I told him i was confused and upset and again he told me that maybe he just didn’t actually want this anymore and wanted to actually break up not have a break. Then there was more crying and begging. I knew that he was tired of all the drama we’d been through and how he felt like he didn’t have a life outside of me. I told him to please take time to think about it because I want to work on myself. After a few days of going back to kind of having a break while he thought about it, and me telling him we could start fresh and that I do realize how much i had held onto things, i began to think he wasn’t going to decide to break up with me and believed that i could change. Then today he looked me dead in the eye and told me it’s over and that nothing i say or do will change his mind. He said he’s done and wanted to be completely free after so long of going through pain and drama with me. He didn’t even seem upset.
    He was my absolute best friend and love of my life. We did fight hard but we loved harder. For a year and a half he was completely obsessed and in love with me and never wanted to lose me. I don’t know how he went from that to being able to end it with me when i told him things could change.
    Although I have signed up for therapy to focus on my anxiety and overreactions, it’s super fresh so I haven’t really done anything but cry and when i get myself to stop crying it’s because i tell myself we will get back together soon.
    What i really want is for him to want me back and us to get back together but be better. I don’t know if he’ll want me back at all bc maybe he’ll see how good and calm his life is without me. He blocked me and i blocked him so idk how he’ll contact me if he even wants to.
    We have 4 months before we both go back to college and I want us to get back together soon.

  4. Frances

    February 4, 2020 at 11:38 pm

    We dated for five years and engaged for two years. We’ve been broken up for 5 months. I moved back to my hometown since, I recently made a surprise visit at his doorstep. The first few words he exchanged were him telling me I shouldn’t have gone and that he was seeing someone already, that this new girl was good to him, as well. However, he was still willing to give me a hug and tell me I looked pretty.

    Plot twist, he stayed rooming with my sister and brother in law in the same apartment since we split. And spent his birthday weekend with my other brother in law and sister, and even stayed at their house.
    I’m so confused. Two weeks ago, he told me he did miss me and had considered getting back together, but now is a complete different story.

    I’m torn. Idk how he is seeing someone new already. I have decided to start the NC rule. I’m scared it won’t be effective. I love him. I have decided to be off social media since we split, should I get back on FB? Or make a new one?

    I know I have to learn to refocus on myself and by reading everyone’s personal story, it’s the smartest choice at this point. But, will he forget me? Will he ever initiate contact with me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2020 at 9:15 pm

      Hey Frances, so the amount of time he is spending with your siblings and in laws he is not going to forget you any time soon! And as for the fact you are waiting for him to initiate contact with you – you can reach out to your ex after you have completed a 30 day No Contact and worked on yourself in that time to become the best version of yourself.

  5. Kaity

    July 12, 2019 at 1:48 pm

    Hi Chris!
    I really need your help!
    Me and my ex have been together 5 years but we have broken up a few times in the past during those 5 years.
    He ghosted me 5 weeks ago. Last time I saw him we had a disagreement, it was something that could have easily have been sorted, then I left to go home and he hasn’t spoken to me since.. he didn’t once say that we were over. I reached out 4 times in the first week, then went no contact. I’m currently on day 28 of no contact and I noticed he deleted off a game we both play either yesterday or today (he had be added 2 days ago) but why would he delete me after 28 days?? I have no idea. I’m scared he’s moving on and doesn’t want me back :/
    Please help me!!

  6. Sare

    November 26, 2018 at 7:50 pm

    Starting no contact after we had a 2 month period of back on and back and forth contact but ending in him still not wanting to commit…I am worried he will forget about me in the no contact as this is the second time around (that can’t be good right, as I don’t think I handled the back and forth period well, too available etc) and he said he’s just not ready for that kind of serious relationship, though we did has a serious one and honestly very good one for 2 years. He said he needs to work on himself and that he has no interest or intention of pursuing another relationship with anyone else, this is about him… The biggest catch is he has no social I’m not sure how to keep him interested or aware that I’m (tryinggg!) doing just fine. Any advice on what to do if they do not have social media? How can I be the ungettable girl if he has no clue haha. Thank you so much!

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 26, 2018 at 10:53 pm

      HI Sare! While its always possible an ex partner can give up and move on, its not likely because the way I teach NC is for you to reach out to him in a certain way at the end of NC. When they don’t have social media, then you need to get creative in employing the “friends network” to your advantage. Also there are some creative ways to kinda put yourself in his path so its forces some type of interaction.

  7. Natasha Pratt

    October 2, 2018 at 7:27 pm

    Hi Chris
    My other half and myself are in 2 different countries at the moment. He was supposed to have joined me but unfortunately that has not happened. We have a baby together that he has not been able to meet. I tried the no contact rule and he contacted me within a week. Which led us to talking. Everything seemed good. And then out of the blue he blocked me. I managed to get hold of 2 days later but he is extremely cold with me. I have asked him if he has met someone he says no. We were together 2 years and engaged. Will the no contact rule still apply in this situation. He has been like this for almost 2 months but we usually have a fight and then he will block me. We didnt this time. I did pass a comment about what he is up to but didnt mean it in a negative way. We are messaging but he is extremely cold towards me and seems to annoyed i am spending time with my cousin and children. Help

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 3, 2018 at 1:13 am

      Hi Natasha!

      Blocking you out of the blue is a red flag. He obviously has some things going on in his head and you are not getting treated the way you deserve. So yes, restart no contact. I have tons of info on the site about this principle. I even wrote a book, ‘The No Contact Rule Book”. It will help you in all sorts of ways to get thru this.

  8. Jessica

    September 18, 2018 at 8:10 am

    Hello Chris,

    My ex broke up with me about a week ago for the second time. it’s been a year since we’ve got back together and it was the best year ever there was no bad fights it was all normal and amazing. we’ve been together for almost 5years.
    this time he said he cheated on me with someone and he’s sorry because he and the other one started developing feelings for each other but now it’s over and he can’t continue in our relationship anymore. My ex was always afraid of commitment and mariage I think that’s why he broke up with me again. now i’m applying the NC should I continue with it? is it possible to get back together and not breakup again? I really don’t know what to do im really really lost. everybody tells me that he doesnt deserve to be back with him and that im going to be doing a big mistake.
    Do you think he will be back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 19, 2018 at 12:19 am

      Hi Jessica!

      Some guys are like that…they run from commitment. Sometimes due to immaturity or fear of loss of independence. I do thing NC is the right medicine. Think about picking up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. Its lengthy and really gets into all aspects of this process/principle.

  9. caz

    July 31, 2018 at 6:59 pm

    Hi Chris. my boyfriend and I recently broke up after being together and living together for 3 years. I kept NC after he broke it off by phone saying he was addicted to job and everyone in it and wanted independence and said he did love me once. I had to have LNC while I moved my things out and he text to say he made a mess of everything, he wished me happiness and was truly sorry. can I really get him back if he feels like that? Thanks.

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 31, 2018 at 10:10 pm

      Hi Caz!

      My first though is 3 years is a good amount of time in which roots get laid down and that should be a positive going forward. Just know that while you are practicing NC, things don’t stand still. You are doing things to up your value and over time, most guys will come to miss their ex and look back at things differently, appreciating more what what you bring. Make sure you are following an ex recovery plan. My program lays it all out for you, so feel free to visit my site’s home page to explore my eBooks and other resources!

  10. Erica Brown

    July 31, 2018 at 6:07 pm

    Me and my ex boyfriend just broke up a week ago. He said he can’t do this anymore because I’m overly emotional and too dramatic. I suffer from borderline personality disorder and dependency disorder and I wear my heart on my sleeve so my emotions are very Dramatic. Every relationship I’ve ever been in has failed due to the guy cheating lying or doing drugs. For the first time in my life I found someone that loves me but he has been unfaithful by talking to other girls and flirting with them and I have a problem with porn but I recently overcame that. He has stirred up a lot of more emotions in the because I wasn’t able to forgive him and I was constantly suspicious that he was talking to somebody. My problem is that I overly communicate and he doesn’t communicate. That was our fall back he wasn’t very open with me except in the beginning but his constant lying about stuff drove me insane to where I would always talk about it and it would drive him crazy. I have acted like a 14 year old begging pleading and crying for him to come back and he says that he has to see a dramatic change in me before he even considers getting back with me. He said he wants to be friends and we’ve spoken almost every day some of it was dramatic some of it wasn’t. I want to incorporate the no contact rule but how do I do that now after I have realized my faults and apologize for them. I text him today telling him that I have realized what I’ve been doing wrong and I truly am sorry and I’m working on myself when is the best time to incorporate no contact because he thinks that we’ve been staying in contact because we’re trying to be friends. If I ignore his phone calls or his text messages if he does reach out to me what does that make it look like. Me and him have salt for the last 4 months because I’m overly sensitive and I need to get myself in check so I went to a psychologist and had help. I’m making small improvements but he just told me he couldn’t do this anymore which is when he broke up with me. How do I get him to miss me during no contact and how do I incorporate no contact now after I have been reaching out to him everyday since we broke up a week ago?

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 31, 2018 at 10:17 pm

      Hi Erica!

      I know the breakup is still fresh in your mind, so healing and recovery initiatives are important. And it sounds like you are working on yourself and you should be proud of your efforts to become the best version of yourself.You might want to reach out to him and give him a heads up that you are going to go thru a “quiet” period of healing and therefor won’t be very communicative going forward. Go to my website homepage and you can read about all of the resources that help people formulate a plan of personal recovery and ex recovery.

  11. Radka

    April 21, 2018 at 8:14 pm

    My ex brone up with me at the end of January, we kinda tried again for another 2 weeks but he said it was too much for him and that he was donw with us. I tried nc but I managed to survive 1 week and I texted him again. He said that he wants space and time to forget why we broke up and to remember why we fell in loce and that he can’t give us another chance yet cause he is mad and sad and hurt. He also said that it is probably hard for me to just walk away but that it means a lot to him and that if I wanna fight for us this is the only way.
    He said he wants kind of break for 6 weeks, and that it might seem to be harsh for me but that he thinks it could help us to try to fund way back to eachother. Ut has been 5 weeks so far and I am freaking out, got into depression and am scared that he wont text me anymore (he promised he will and that we will definitely see eachother again cause I was important to him and it was his first real relationship and that nobody would ever fight that hard for him as I did and do). My friends are telling me he was playing me over and wanted to get rid off me in nice way. I met him today at the train station, idk if he saw me but I think he did and it was very painful for me to see him after such a long time. It made me realize hiw much I miss him and want him back

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2018 at 11:24 pm

      Hi there Radka…I realize No Contact can be hard, so don’t be too down on yourself for giving in after 1 week! And now that it has been going on for 5 weeks, its closing in on the time to initiate a plan of restarting communications. First of all, have you picked up a copy of my epic ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro (available at my website Menu/Products link) as it is the best Companion Guide out there in my view that can help you with what to do, when to do it, how to text, what to do if things don’t work out, etc, etc. It is important you also focus on your own recovery and that is covered in detail in all my ebooks. So go pick up a copy and consider the advice I offer in it. And drop on by here anytime to let me know how things are coming along for you. And by the way, if the pain of the breakup is still plaguing you a lot, consider keeping a journal and writing down your thoughts as that will help you with coping and gain some new insight!

    2. Radka

      April 22, 2018 at 5:42 pm

      Hi Chris, I got your book almost right after our break up. But I did those huge mistakes in between like begging and gnuting:(
      I am proud that I was able to manage those 5 weeks, I was active on social media, posting a lot of nice pictures, made new friends. But my ex deleted me from Instagram, he said it is painful for him to see me and that it reminds him the break up. I left my profile on public so he can see everything but idk if he was checking on me. He inky sae my snaochat stories a couple of times. I kinda have a feeling that he started something with his ex colleague. Maybe I am paranoid, he said that I shouldn’t be worried about other girls, that he just wanna be alone for now and focus on himself to get his mind free and remember the good stuff. I am very worried that he was lying to me and that he winr text me after 6 weeks are over and I am nit sure if I should text him.

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 22, 2018 at 10:32 pm

      Hi Radka…thanks for picking up the book..Its a great resource, full of details and don’t worry about mistake you may have made in the past. Trust me, we all make plenty of mistakes when it comes to this emotional filled topic. Just stick with your plan and adapt as needed.

    4. Radka

      April 23, 2018 at 4:40 am

      Do you think I have right to text him after 6 weeks are over and remind him he promised to talk about it with me? Or should I just leave it? This whole break was his idea, I told him that if he us lying to me or wanna play me over he should just end it now and block me everywhere and he said that he would do it if he wanted to but he really wanna see what comes for us… I have never felt that bad in my entire life. I wish we could be together again

    5. Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 5:00 am

      Sure Radka…just follow the advice in the ebook. There is a texting schedule and strategy in there with examples.

  12. Kelly

    April 7, 2018 at 5:37 pm

    My ex and me broke up about 2 weeks ago. I have been with him for 4 years. He ending our relationship over a dumb reason, I think there is more to it and he isn’t telling me. I wasn’t doing the contact becuase he was in and out of the house, hes dog is with me, and actually our dads are best friend they have been since they were 15 years old and they live together right now. Every time I started to do the no contact rule he texts me like he knows I am doing it i told him it was best we didn’t talk for a while becuase are emotions are to high, havent talked to him in one day! He texted me the next day saying if I change my mind about us talking let him know also he’d understand if I didn’t. Well I never said anything to him. Then he texted me say he was sorry and I deserve to be with someone better who treats me like a qween and he was going somewhere else. So his dog will be happier with me. And just know that I will always love you. Please try to remember good stuff about me. Im turning the phone off I’m done with it. Bye – name here- im confused becuase he broke up with me!! I need help I’ve read all of you articles and have been taking you advice, bettering me! Do I speak to him? He is just trying to make me feel bad? Why would he if he broke up with me?

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 7:02 pm

      How long have you been in no contact? Sorry he’s giving you a hard time. When you do the no contact rule you should not tell him your doing it. It is more effective if it’s shocking and he wonders where you are.

    2. Kelly

      April 7, 2018 at 8:52 pm

      I have only be able to do the NC rule for a day. He keeps sending me texts, pictures of us. When he is the one who broke up with me. After getting seaval text messages of him saying he loves me and enjoyed the years we had and he will always love me I said ” your the one who broke up with me, your the one who said we can work things out. Why are you trying this around like I am the one who broke up with you”
      I think my ex is only doing this becuase he wants to make sure im still there even if we arent together, so he can continue to be single and do what he wants and he knows I’ll still be there if he wants to come back.
      But I am just scared if I keep ingroning him he will move on. I want him to realize I am not here unless he is with me.

    3. Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 10:15 pm

      Yes I can understand how hard that is to receive texts from someone you love and have to ignore them but try your best to follow through with the no contact. It becomes less effective each time you do it. It will help to remember no contact isn’t forever and you will talk to him again.

      I 100 percent agree with you. He wants you to be around as an option to him. The thing that will work on him is fear of loss.

    4. Kelly

      April 7, 2018 at 11:25 pm

      Okay I won’t response. One more question. I got in contact with an old guy friend again. Will my ex get mad? Will he not want to ever be with me again? Im scared he will think I have moved on. That’s not the case I just want to talk to my old friends again, and most of them are guys. Will this help my chances of getting him back or worsen them? Once we were watching a moive and I asked him if we broke up and I was seeing or talking to a other guy if he’d fight to get me back and he said no. Do all guys say that unitl it happends?
      Thank you for your help!

    5. Jennifer Seiter

      April 8, 2018 at 2:23 am

      Sure, He might get angry. How will he find out about this guy friend? I don’t think you should use jealously just yet. If you can avoid telling your ex about any guys for the time being I think that would be advantageous for you.

    6. Kelly

      April 8, 2018 at 3:40 am

      Well the only way he could is through are family members (family is very close) or if he comes back to our house to get more of his stuff, see his dog abd sees the text or trieds going through my phone
      But I am not sure if he will come back, he is an ex addict and I think thats why he left me becuase he misses that life style and knows he cant have me and that life style at the same time. I feel like our situation is a little different then others becuase of our families also out dad’s live together. He could come back here at anytime becuase he has alot of his stuff here. I dont think he is understanding what he is doing, he has literally broke my heart. I have been there for his through everything, jail, drugs, his ex harassing me. I am more pissed off then sad. So I think the NC rule won’t be that hard. I shouldnt have texted him back. Now I have to start over. Our 4 year anniversary is in 2 weeks too, and my 23rd birthday( which has been a big deal to me is in May) what if he contacts me on our anniversary? Im sorry i keep asking things im just so losted right now and this website has kept me from going crazy.

    7. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 2:33 am

      Hey Kelly…I thought I would jump in. You are not going crazy. You are going to be fine through all of this. Use this time to heal. That is important. Then when your feelings settle in place, you will have a better idea how you want to proceed and be confident in yourself.

  13. Anon

    March 28, 2018 at 6:03 pm

    So he messaged me yesterday evening on day 38 of no contact. I was so happy as I didn’t think he’d message at all. He asked me how my exam went, how my recent trip went (I went alone but was supposed to go with him but he dumped me and he also congratulated me on being employee of the month). I hadn’t contacted him at all so he must have seen all this on my Facebook. I replied this morning saying “Hi, I haven’t got my results yet. I didn’t get round to walking Hadrian’s Wall but I’m planning on going back :-)” he hasn’t replied. If I don’t hear from him, when do I start messaging him using tide theory? Should I wait a day or a few days? I’m really happy. No contact really works! 🙂

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:46 am

      Check you out using tide theory and all that!

      Love it 🙂

      Ok, I think you wait a day.

  14. Anon

    March 22, 2018 at 7:22 am

    I’m on day 33 of 45 day no contact and I’m doing well as I haven’t contacted him at all and I’m active in improving myself and on social media. He doesn’t use social media though. He hasn’t even messaged me at all and it’s been 33 days. Is this normal?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2018 at 5:18 pm

      Hi Anon,

      Yup, it’s common.

  15. Shelly

    February 20, 2018 at 10:30 pm

    I was in a long-distance relationship and we have been broken up for about 6 weeks. I haven’t been able to do NC because every week or 2 I text him or call him to chat and it turns into me begging and pleading. I am so worried I’ve ruined it for good. Last time we spoke was 3 days ago and he told me I needed to let go and he didn’t see it getting better. We were deliriously happy until I let my insecurities and worry take the middle seat between us. What do I do? I am so miserable and heartbroken. I feel like I’ve gained so much perspective too. Is it too late to salvage?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 24, 2018 at 10:55 pm

      Hi Shelley,

      Either do the nc right for at least 45 days or move on..

  16. Summer

    February 9, 2018 at 5:32 am

    Hi! My ex and I dated long-distance for one year, we live 2000 miles apart. We talked every single day via text, Facebook messenger and FaceTime. We are both in our 40s. He came to visit me on three occasions. We have a lot of mutual friends because we volunteer for a national organization and I actually met him in person at a conference a year and a half ago. A lot of these mutual friends have been very excited about our relationship. We have talked about getting married and he really wanted me to move to his state because he has a son and he can’t move himself for over two years. We have talked about living here because the cost-of-living is much cheaper. I have not been to visit him in his home state because he lives with his parents and his mom is very strict (controlling) and has a lot of rules. I have no issue meeting and hanging out with his parents a few times, but staying with them and meeting them for the first time sounded really stressful.

    He came to visit me two weeks ago. We celebrated my birthday together and it was absolutely incredible. The following day, Day 4/9 we were talking about our future and he got upset because I told him I really didn’t want to stay at his parents house. He said that his mother really wanted to spend a lot of time with me and that she would get upset if I stayed in a hotel. I told him that it made me feel a bit uncomfortable – Plus I’m over 40 years old. He got really upset, broke up with me and said that I was disrespecting his mother. He threatened to go home. I was in complete shock because that has never happened before. I was hurt that he was considering his mother’s feelings over mine. Although I do understNd that he lives with her and she’s basically in charge of him, with her rules.. I am just beginning to think that he’s really at her mercy. He cried a couple of times but I got him to stay that night and the following day seemed to be going well. But we started talking about the argument from the day before and he basically flipped out about me disrespecting his mother again. He packed up his things and left. I was absolutely devastated. He still had almost 5 days left of his trip and had already spent a lot of money. I don’t understand why he came in the first place if he was that wishy-washy about our relationship. I thought we had a really strong foundation. I have never seen him act this way before and in the four and a half days he was there, he was very emotional the whole time. He kept saying that he didn’t think he’d ever see me again. He was an emotional roller coaster.

    He did text me two days after he left my house and said he made it home safe – but I didn’t reply.. I haven’t talked to him in 10 days now. I miss him so much! He is normally very active on social media but has been pretty quiet, he hasn’t deleted me or any pictures and hasn’t changed his relationship status. I normally don’t use Facebook much but I have posted on FB a few times since – fun pictures etc. I also haven’t changed anything though all my friends keep telling me to do so. I’m confused why he hasn’t deleted me? He really hurt me and a part of me wants to just delete him and be done forever, before he does it to me first. He kind of already has. . I’m torn if I should reach out to him at some point because I have written like 10 letters. Help…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2018 at 1:02 pm

      Hi Summer.

      Have you sent those letters? How many times have you broken up?

  17. Grishma Bijukumar

    January 28, 2018 at 11:47 pm

    Hi me and ex broke up in November and I haven’t spoken to him since as the breakup was too painful and messy, his birthday is coming up in March and I was thinking of ending the NC period then as I have an actual reason to message him. Is 4 months too long for NC? Has he already forgotten me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 1:48 am

      Hi Grishma,

      It is long but why did you break up? And how much did you improve yourself and how active are you in posting?

  18. Melanie

    January 17, 2018 at 12:39 pm

    Hello there.
    I need your help; my boyfriend and I broke up on January 1st this year – we had two dogs together. I have one and he has one now. I do really miss him and he texted me about the money I owe him, I responded to him, he seemed nice but cold at the same time. All I see is he is constantly online on whatsapp. I have made a instagram account for our dogs, he constantly likes the pictures on them but not mine on my facebook. I do feel so bad. I have such a weird feeling and I’m afraid he is not gonna miss me. Please help me

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2018 at 8:23 am

      Hi Melanie,

      How active are you in improving yourself? It’s ok if he doesn’t like your posts, as long as you keep posting.. That’s your indirect way of showing your improving and not chasing.

  19. Sada

    January 13, 2018 at 8:04 am

    When my ex broke up with me I deleted him from Snapchat and Facebook. I don’t really post much on Facebook about my social life anyway because I have parents and grandparents on there and they don’t need to know about some stuff lol. But if I added him back on Snapchat, would that be breaking NC or making it less effective?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 11:43 am

      Hi Sada,

      It would be better to do it Facebook instead because your posts don’t disappear there.. Make a new account, and then in that account block your relatives.. so that when he searches your name, he’ll see the new account and see your posts.. so, that means you need to make your posts public.

  20. Shelly

    January 12, 2018 at 8:03 pm

    What if my ex doesn’t use social media? We’ve been broke up for 2 weeks — he completely pulled away because I became too needy and eventually he pulled away so far I had to do the dirty work and end it. I’ve come to so many realizations and have perspective that I constantly want to share with him. He is completely non-emotional right now. I know what we had was special. We were so close and happy until I messed it all up with my fears. Is this repairable? I don’t know what to do. :-/ I sent him an email last weekend and he suggested “meeting for dinner with time permits” but that sounds very elusive. Help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 12:54 am

      Hi Shelley,.
      You just need to make your posts public because there is a chance that he will check your account.

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