One of the most successful ways of getting your ex back is by implementing my no contact rule, but I’ve seen a lot of my clients struggle because they’re not exactly sure if it’s working.

And that’s totally understandable.

We all get impatient sometimes and want quick payback. Human psychology can be a bit tricky, though, and everyone’s feelings aren’t on the same timeline.

Today, I’ll walk you through the 7 signs that the no contact rule is working on your ex, so you’re 100% sure that you’re not wasting your time.

Here are the 7 signs we’ll be learning about today:

  1. Your Ex Tries to Get A Hold of You
  2. You’re Spending More Time on Your Self…And Loving It
  3. Others Start Finding You More Attractive
  4. Your Ex Starts Paying Attention to Social Media More
  5. Your Ex Is More Responsive After No Contact
  6. Your Ex Begins Sending You Gifts
  7. Your Ex Asks About You but Not to Your Face

Let’s dive deeper into each of these, so you know exactly what to look for to confirm that your efforts in the no contact rule are not going to waste!

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Sign #1: Your ex tries to get a hold of you

This is obviously the most apparent sign that the rule is working well for you because your ex is literally at your doorstep trying to win you back!

We typically recommend three different time frames for the no contact rule:

  1. 21 days
  2. 30 days
  3. 45 days

So, let’s say you choose the 21 day no contact time frame, and your ex consistently reaches out to you throughout that time. What does that mean?

It means that the no contact rule is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do!

Why does it work so well and make them reach out to you? PSYCHOLOGY!

This rule works on a psychological principle called Reactance, which means that we don’t like it when any of our behavioral freedoms are taken away.

Well, the no contact rule means you’re taking away your exes’ freedom of talking to you for a specific period, and that drives them NUTS! No wonder they come back running to you to re-obtain that freedom.

The more ways your ex tries to reach you- the better!

It means their anxiety over your no contact is increasing day by day, and they will exhaust every option they can to reach you. Some may call you; some may text, and some may try to get your attention on Facebook or Instagram.

So, what have we learned?

If your ex is consistently trying to reach out to you, the no contact rule is DEFINITELY working exactly how you wanted it to!

Sign #2: You’re spending more time on yourself… and loving it!

Most of our first-time clients are so obsessed with making their exes miss then when they’re on the no contact rule that they forget about themselves.

So, what about YOU?

How should YOU be feeling during the no contact rule?

The no contact rule gives you the perfect time to put your life back together on your own and put yourself FIRST.

We’ve all heard about the five stages of grief- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

All of our clients go through these five stages, and the no contact rule gives them a perfect time to do that.

You have all the time in the world to let yourself grieve on your own terms. YOU control how sad you feel and for how long. And then you control when you get back up, dust yourself off, and rebuild your life in an image that you WANT.

So, if this no contact period is helping you learn to love yourself again, then that’s the perfect sign that you’re using this time to its fullest potential.

Sign #3: Others start finding you more attractive

In my opinion, this is more of a symptom if you’re doing the no contact rule correctly. You’re probably not doing it right if you’re not getting the attention you deserve from others.

One of the most common concerns from our female clients is “How to get a man to commit to you.”

Well, in a nutshell, for commitment, you need scarcity, urgency, and, most importantly, you need the fear of loss.

What better way to instill that fear in your ex than by letting them see the long line of suitors you have during the no contact rule?

So, feel free to strut your adventures on your social media and get likes and comments from other men. That’ll show your ex what he’s missing, and it’ll give you an epic ego boost.

Sign #4: Your ex starts paying attention to social media more

This sign has nothing to do with other men finding you attractive. It’s more about how your ex is acting on social media.

Facebook is the best social medium to see this sign in action because it allows you to contact your ex during this time indirectly, and it lets them see what you have going on in life too.

So, if your ex starts:

  • Liking your photos
  • Commenting on your photos
  • Reaching out to you via Facebook messenger

Then you KNOW that the no contact rule is definitely working.

Sign #5: Your ex is more responsive after no contact

This might sound paradoxical because you may think that the no contact is only working if your ex reaches out to you more during the no contact period, but that’s not always the case.

So yeah, while your ex reaching out to you during the no contact period is a valid sign, it’s even more compelling if they’re more responsive after the no contact time is completed.

Why?

Because it shows that the no contact period primed them to miss you so much that they do not want to risk falling out of contact again, they will then do their best to be more responsive than they have ever been.

Sign #6: Your ex begins sending you gifts

This sign is basically a more exaggerated and desperate version of sign 1. If your ex starts mailing you gifts during the no contact rule, then the rule is working TO THE MAX!

It really doesn’t get better than your ex missing you so much that he starts showering you with thoughtful presents to get your attention back.

What exactly counts as a gift, though?

I’d say anything from a small teddy bear to something huge like tickets to your favorite concert!

The bigger, the better.

Sign #7: Your ex asks about you but not to your face.

This last sign shows up most when you both have mutual friends after a breakup. It means that your ex is still scared to reach out to you directly, so he feels safer speaking to mutual friends.

This usually involves asking friends to ‘spy’ on you to see if you’re actually as happy as you seem on social media.

Literally everyone I know (including myself) has done this at some point in their lives, and I’m 99% sure that you’re nodding your head right now too.

So, if one of your mutual friends come up to you and say that your ex has been asking about you, it means that the no contact rule is working.

However, one mistake that my clients make in desperation to see this sign is pressurizing the mutual friend into divulging information about their ex. Don/t be that person. Pressing your mutual friend for information will only alienate them and force them to choose sides in the breakup, and you NEVER want to do that to a friend.

Let your mutual friend come to you. This might be in the form of a message your ex wants to pass on, or your friend could just be excited to share some gossip with you.Just be patient, and this sign will show itself!

Conclusion:

Now let’s recap everything we’ve learned today, so you’re fully equipped to know whether the no contact rule is working for you.

  • If your ex reaches out to you directly during the no contact rule, you’re on the right track
  • You don’t need your ex to do anything for the no contact rule to work, taking time to focus on YOURSELF is one of the best things in a no contact period
  • Let others compliment you! It’ll make your ex jealous and help build up your self-esteem
  • If your ex is actively engaging with your social media, the no contact rule is definitely working.
  • If your ex is replying faster and more enthusiastically after the no contact period, you’ve primed him perfectly!
  • Receiving gifts from your ex is the best manifestation of the no contact rule’s success
  • Mutual friends are key to reestablishing indirect communication with your ex but don’t push any friends to oversharing and picking sides if they don’t want to.

So now that you all know the 7 signs that the no contact rule is working, I’d love to hear more from you!

Have you ever experienced any of these signs?

Can you think of any other signs that could signal success of the no contact rule?

What to Read Next

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77 thoughts on “Signs That The No Contact Rule Is Working On Your Ex”

  1. Avatar

    Lauren

    January 14, 2021 at 2:33 pm

    Hi,
    a while ago I broke up with my long distance ex in the heat of the moment. He immediately tried to move on. I contacted him afterwards and asked to be together again (I begged and pleaded) but he said that he is unhappy with his life in general and does not want a relationship anymore. He said though that when he comes back after 2 years or so we might see each other and then who knows.
    He wanted to end on good terms. We could not decide if we wanted to remain friends. For him it was okay to just not talk again until we possibly bump into each other. I told him that we should take some time apart and afterwards decide on this friends thing. That’s when I implied no contact. It’s been 2 weeks. He texted me once because it was my birthday and I said “thanks” to him.
    I feel like he’s moving on dating other girls. He’s avoiding me on social media (doesn’t view my stories etc) too, but interacting with other girls and getting to know new girls every day.
    I don’t know what i am supposed to think of this.
    Is there a chance he’s coming back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 21, 2021 at 3:33 pm

      Hi Lauren, there is no way for me to tell you yes or no to your question. All you can do is work on yourself in this time and make sure that you follow the advice for UG. Read and follow the program and see if you can get a texting conversation started with him after a period of No Contact and build a foundation with him again. Keep in mind if his mental health is not right and he does not want a relationship then all you can do is wait until he is more open to dating again.

  2. Avatar

    Jodie Campbell

    November 1, 2020 at 2:47 am

    Hello ,
    This one is a little different from the rest i have read.

    I have what you can call a friend, we are not dating or seeing each other exclusively yet as he is in Perth for work for about 12 months. His choice to change his lifestyle for when he returns back to Sydney.
    We have been ‘hanging out’ with one another on and off since February this year, meaning, sporadic contact. We did see eachother before he left for Perth. He has been there for 2 weeks now and since than we have been in contact every day since. I do have feelings for him and he is aware of how i feel and what i want to happen and work on with him, he has told me that he likes a lot and when he returns home he wants to work on it too.. since being over there we have had flirty talks and sexting quite a bit , so the entire relationship aka friendship had really blossomed into something special as we got to know eachother more. 3-4 days ago i noticed a shift in his behaviour (texts) towards me as we starting to call eachother babe and all the nice endearing nick names, this had become less, now i understand that he may be busy however the last day or two he has had days off leaving him more spare time, he called me clingy as my attitude started to change and i was even noticing that this was not part of my behaviour. I have taken a step back, since yesterday we have hardly spoken. I told him that i was going to give him some space which he replies with ‘ ok thanks’ presuming thats what he wants. Today i received a good morning jodie text later on in the morning which he has never done, he always would send it early in the morning because he told me that he wants to be the person i think when i wake by seeing his message as i am the first person for him he thinks of but lately i dont think i am anymore. i dont know how else to think of this and im concerned that he has lost interest in this with me , i have learned about what or how clinginess is perceived as i am unaware of what is known to be clingy.
    Im keeping it brief with him plus not contacting him and trying to show him that i dont need to talk to him everyday even tho thats exactly what we have been doing as he initiates it. Now its gone.. do i keep up with giving him space and allowing for the brief friendship style messages to continue .. he doesnt question me what im doing for the day anymore just says have a great day and i respond saying the same i no longer ask, is this the best way to continue? do you think this may improve?? whats your perception of this ??
    thankyou in advance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 1, 2020 at 11:10 am

      Hi Jodie, I would say that him working away, meeting new people and making friends is going to change the way he behaves slightly as he is going to want to have that social company where and when he can. Understand that his routine and patterns are going to change, and he doesn’t want a girl who is his “friend” to be demanding his time, keep this in mind. He is going to get an insight to how you could be if you were to get serious. So you need to be confident, happy and fun to talk to. You need to allow him have some space yes, but you can reach out from time to time. As you are not broken up, or ever were in a relationship you need to keep in mind he has no obligations to you, as harsh as that may seem. You need to keep yourself calm to not ruin any chance of a future relationship.

  3. Avatar

    Maddie

    September 5, 2020 at 10:15 pm

    Hello, I’m really really struggling… I dated my ex for a 1 1/2 yrs, everything was totally fine until the quarantine and then we had a couple fights and after one fight he went to his Grandma’s house and he came back a completely different person. We were obsessed with each other and had a healthy relationship for such a long time. At the time he was very scared about his future and what to do, I had a solid direction but he didn’t and I think that scared him, he turned to things he never liked and became a different person. Out of the blue he decided to up and move to Montana across the country from where we are from to be with family and become a doctor of all things. He always expressed how he could never move there.

    He left his friends, mom, grandma, his dog, his job, me and everything to move somewhere because he needed to “find his happiness” he told me he wanted to change his whole style and more. He loved my family and was best friends with my brother but he left them as well and never said bye. I was desperate at first because of him moving and we initially tried for a month before he went out there on vacation and decided to come back just to move and end things. I tried everything to change his mind.

    Then for four weeks I did no contact, I reached out to him about something he liked and he responded positively. A few days later he wished me a happy birthday and we had a good conversation but I could tell he didn’t seem the same. We had a couple more good conversations, but I felt hurt when he referred to me as a friend to his family. I honestly feel like his family had a lot to do with it because they wanted him to move out with his dad and leave his mom. They gave him an easy way out.

    He reached out to ask me about school and I decided to ignore because I was hurt from the last time we talked and then recently I reached out and we had a great conversation. Two days later he deleted our pictures from Instagram so I sent him an honest message about how I felt and how I was so confused, then I blocked him and told him why.
    He was confused, but then said he still cares and that if I needed someone to talk too or needed anything he was there.

    What does this all mean I am so confused plz help idk where to go from here!!!

  4. Avatar

    Kay

    September 5, 2020 at 4:34 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend three weeks ago and now he’s sending me flowers and gifts. I started complete no contact for the last week and today fedex dropped off another gift.. what should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 8:03 pm

      Hi Kay, you do not state if you want your ex back or not so I cant really advise you. If you want him back and hes sending all these gifts then speak with him because he clearly is sorry. If you do not want him back, then just keep in No Contact indefinitely

  5. Avatar

    Jennifer

    July 20, 2020 at 12:30 am

    My ex was liked a few of my pics, one each two days in a row. One of them got some flirty responses from another guy. I was light and funny but not flirty in return. My ex then posted a pic, I saw it but did not react because no contact means NO CONTACT- the next day he deactivated his account. It’s been 2 days since then. I have not reached out. I don’t know if no contact is working or has backfired. Help! Lol

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 8:43 pm

      Hey Jennifer, I would say it sounds as if it is working in the sense that he has tried to get your attention by liking your photos and him deactivating his account could be an emotional response that you have not been watching his posts. Keep going!

  6. Avatar

    Luna

    June 5, 2020 at 11:47 am

    My ex broke up with me a week ago and since we haven’t spoken.
    We had no major issues, everything was good, our families, friends and coworkers liked both of us. Never had any arguments, always made time for each other, always checked in on how his day was, gave each other gifts and was always happy. A week and a half before the break up he was talking about the future for us, suggesting things for a years time when i can move out from my parents and we could live together.
    The week before the break up he didn’t always want to talk on text, and when we’d see each other in person he didn’t really want to touch me, kiss me, or even talk much.
    We work at the same place together and physically avoid each other. He suffers from depression and has been getting worse recently, he never spoke to me about how bad it has been getting. When he broke up with me he said he loves me, kissed my forehead, and held me close to him with one arm while i cried for a bit. His reasoning was he wanted to work on himself, fix things with his mum, and that he didn’t want to put me through everything because he believes he has nothing and no idea on his future career plans. To do that it he said it would be difficult to achieve being happy around me and upset, stressed, and angry without me around. Three hours after he changed his FB status to single.
    Supervisors at work have spoken to him about why he ended the relationship. First time he was asked he said he didn’t know if he wanted to be in a relationship. (which is strange because we had been together for 5 months). The second time with a different supervisor he said he does want to be with me but wants to be single. So far from what i can tell he hasn’t contacted his mum to attempt fixing that; just been with his friends the whole time thus only going home to sleep and is happy talking to everyone but me currently. At work he wouldn’t look at me or speak to me. What suggestions do you have from this article for during NC and after 30 days?
    Much appreciated, Thank you for reading

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 15, 2020 at 5:36 pm

      Hey Luna, if he wants to be single right now then you are not going to change his mind quickly. He needs to feel the single life first. And you need to focus on yourself being Ungettable. During work hours where you are around each other do not hang around his work area try to keep busy, but always be happy and chatty as if you are not upset. You need to work on your Holy Trinity and show how you are doing great. At the end of your NC you need to approach the texting phase with the information Chris has given in his articles about how to use a hook text

  7. Avatar

    Angela

    May 25, 2020 at 7:31 pm

    Hi.

    My ex and I broke up about 7 months ago. We had been together for about 2 years. I am the reason the relationship ended. He was very angry about it. He says he’s forgiven me but the anger is evident sometimes. He has been speaking to me but only for his own personal gain. I was the one who had to ensure that the friendship is maintained by texting every morning & night including phone calls. I’ve tried everything in my power to try get him back and it has failed (including begging). I decided to implement the no contact rule and today is only day 6. Before the no contact rule we had a fight so I think he’s still angry at me. I want to know if the NC rule will still work in my situation? Or did I apply it at a wrong time?

    And what happens if your ex doesn’t text you or reach out in any way during your NC period?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 4, 2020 at 9:30 pm

      Hi Angela it does not matter if your ex reaches out to you or not during your No Contact, what matters is that you work on yourself so that you become Ungettable. Always striving for the best for yourself. Then at the end of your No Contact phase you enter the texting phase. Where you reach out to your ex first. There are many articles here to walk you through what you need to be doing and how to go about reaching out for the first time after a No Contact too

  8. Avatar

    Maria Navarro

    May 23, 2020 at 8:35 pm

    Help please!! Hello: I was “dating” a guy for about 4 to 5 months. Since I met him he was honest about how much he works and what he was looking for in a relationship. We had instant chemistry! In the beginning we used to see each other very week once a week..but as time progressed he got more work to do and I was seeing him every two weeks. He never asked me to hang out with his little daughter when she was in town for the weekend, or asked me to go to grocery shopping or anything. He always told me he was looking for a serious relationship, and would like to get married “to the right girl”.
    Every time we spent together, it was at his house and we didn’t jump right into sex immediately..it was first a good time talking, getting to know each other, eating, watching tv, and then going to sleep..he always asked me to stay the night. The last time I was with him…i cant even describe how deep the connection i felt with him…needless to say…we never had rough sex…he was always on top of me…and we made love so intensely..looking in the eyes and his kisses were the most perfect to me….

    Fast forward…I got pregnant…It was not planned….I found out only because I was having a lot of pain…turned out to be a ectopic pregnancy…this was back in April 2020…he was working up to 15 hours a day at some point…and worried about losing his job and needing money for expenses (he recently bought a house, and had to get a new car)…I know…I could see how tired he is from working….but part of me always thought that he has to have some down time and he should be able to squeeze me a little bit more…but then again..maybe that was just me trying to force him to do that….He told me he doesn’t want to have a baby right now because he would prefer to be married or “When we get married” and at least in another 1 or 2 more years when he doesn’t have to pay so many things. He literally talked about US.
    He said he doesn’t want to rush things…and told me his last 2 relationships were with controlling women who were very mean. He said he has feelings for me. and he misses me a lot…
    Anyway..when i was going through the loss of my pregnancy, i had to have emergency surgery…very difficult…and he wasn’t there for me…yes he was asking me all the time if i was doing ok..and how everything was with me…but like..he never even picked me up from ER, or bought me flowers..or something that in my opinion he should’ve done…maybe it’s just me….but most importantly he didn’t make time for me…to even give me a hug or kiss!! nothing..not even 5 minutes….

    So i was in a very needy energy and i sent him a long message (like this one) asking him if he’s just busy or simply not so interested……I just wanted to know because i was anxious, sad for everything and i hadn’t seen him in 3 weeks! blame the virus!

    Anyway he said…that “he might just be too busy for a full on relationship plus the virus situation”….then I asked him if he at least knew he wanted to be with me when things settle? And i made the mistake of telling him….because I know i want you no one else..i want to be your queen! followed by LOL and a queen emoji. I mean i like to say silly things sometimes. His reply was: “Yes, lets just take some time off”
    I said..Im sorry if i said something stupid….but your right maybe its good to take time off.
    We didnt talk for 10 days and then i sent him a little…hello hope you are ok…then he started talking to me again..kind of normal but kind of distracted at the same time.

    After a few messages i sent him another one saying…hey i just want to say sorry for trying to push things before knowing you have a lot on your plate….i will respect your need for time…and hopefully i will talk to you again soon when you feel ready and if you want to still see me of course. He read it and responded saying he just got home..but hasn’t talked to me since then..its been 3 weeks 🙁 normally he never likes to talk about feelings over text) he keeps watching my stories on facebook though…and he’s always online but does not contact me…at all… i love him…:(

    What should i do???

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 10, 2020 at 4:28 pm

      Hey Maria, so if you want this gut to start chasing to you, then you are going to need to start working the program, starting with a proper No Contact where you do not reach out or reply for 30 days and this includes watching social media. Work on yourself, using these articles and Chris videos he has posted on YouTube to help you work through and understand the Holy Trinity and the Ungettable Girl information. This is going to show your ex that you are not waiting around for him anymore and getting on with your life

  9. Avatar

    Kate

    May 21, 2020 at 3:56 am

    Hi,
    My ex and I only dates 2and a half months but liked each other much longer. We never fought but he did say he wanted to slow things down and be friends to see if his feelings would catch up to mine. I said “sorry I do have feelings for you and cannot be friends right now this us goodbye”
    He told me he would miss me. He would miss hanging out with me, my cooking our amazing sex life too. He also said he won’t be dating anyone or talking to anyone else or sleeping with anyone. He hugged me a few times. He said he has feelings NGS just not in love with me. I said in your heart of hearts what do you want to do. He said again he friends and see where it goes. I said I can’t. When I left he said you never know what the future holds.
    I have now been NC for 15 days, no messages no calls etc, he has not contacted me either, I feel like he never cared. I miss him so much. It’s hard. I post my daily things on Facebook as usual. I have been doing sooo much and feel great.
    I often wonde if this is working ng and what do I say if he does not contact me after 30 days. How do I make that first contact. Wish he would just contact me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 4, 2020 at 9:02 pm

      Hi Kate, I would suggest that you reach out using the texts that Chris explains in his articles

  10. Avatar

    Hi

    May 19, 2020 at 3:32 pm

    Hi there,

    I’m a guy and right before the end of no contact she is sending me some very nasty and threatening messages. She has sent some sad messages prior to this and tried to contact me.

    I have not responded because she is not responding positively, but what to do if the messages are blackmail?

    Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 8:25 pm

      Hey there, so if this is the case you need to block her and keep a record of all those blackmail messages you have been sent!

  11. Avatar

    Ari

    May 8, 2020 at 2:45 pm

    Hi, my ex and I decided do be friends about a week ago. I started the no contact rule since then. Today was supposedly our first year anniversary. I thought he forgot about it and chose to let the day pass by without talking to me. I recently checked my email and found out that he sent me a gift card. It included a message saying thank you for the memories and love lots. Is it okay say thank you? Also, does his message sound like a goodbye measage?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 13, 2020 at 11:00 pm

      Hi Ari, so if you are going to follow the program, I would suggest that you do not acknowledge the gift and just stick to your NC

  12. Avatar

    Kayla Wright

    March 14, 2020 at 5:09 am

    I have been in no contact for 2 weeks, he broke up with me (5 months) but it was face to face and i wished him well, no crying or yelling involved. He had spoken of longevity the month before but on this day he stated he wasn’t ready for a deep relationship (even though he had been the one pushing for everything. I have a feeling this wasn’t the truth but it is what it is.)
    I reactivated my dating profile… saw that he had too (by chance because he was still listed on my likes). I made it a point to not look when he was on. I would hide my profile when i wasn’t online. Then today I forgot to hide it. He viewed me. He knows I can see who viewed me.
    My question is, do I need to start over with no contact? Do I hide my profile or block him? This would mean I would have to click on his profile. I’ve had no other mess ups or contacts with him.
    He does not do social media nor does he have to run into me anywhere. This is the only way he can even see me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 12:41 am

      Hi Kayla, so I would allow him to be able to view your profile. You need to not view his. Complete 30 days before you reach out with a text.

  13. Avatar

    Viky

    March 5, 2020 at 12:27 pm

    My Fiancée and I broke up 1,5 month ago after being together for 11years. I did strict no contact for 30days. After I finally reached out to him with a fun message. He replied by saying this: as I mentioned before, we can keep in touch, meet up and talk. But I don’t want to hurt you and give you false hope that there is a way back. It’s still becomes really difficult for me, when I think about all the good memories. but I have made my peace with what happened and I want to move on with my life. We can meet up but only if we are not going to talk about what happened and about us getting back together.

    I am trying to understand this response and if there are any meaning to it. Or it actually means what he says and just want to be friends?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 11:58 am

      Hey Vicky, it seems as if he is still focusing on his decision that he ended the relationship for the right reasons. Spend some time working the Ungettable girl work and use social media to show that you are happy in life and doing new and exciting things. Change his perspective of who you are, for the better.

  14. Avatar

    akaka

    March 3, 2020 at 9:04 pm

    hi there!
    My ex and I were together for 2 years ( with three small break ups the first year) and lived together for 1 year. we split almost 3 months ago, after the break up we sorted out things with out apartment and I moved out immediately. Our relationship was good ( or I thought so) we would have the occasional fights but nothing ever serious
    He would text me about things like how to pay the rent xyz then I told him I can’t talk to him right now and started a 30 day NC. During this time I didn’t hear from him at all and I thought that’s because I told him not to talk to me. Once the 30 days was up I initiated contact and it seemed to be going really well he was responding in about less than 5 minutes and even initiated a conversation with me the following day when I cut the conversation short. Then he randomly went silent, I sent a message and he ignored me. I thought he might haven been busy? but, he never responded. I tried again and he said that it was too hard to talk to me and that it’s best we go our separate ways. That’s when I may have went a little over board with the texts and honestly was probably pretty desperate sounding. He said he fell out of love with me in out relationship and he doesn’t want that to happen again. However, he told his friends he still cares about me once about a month ago since we broke up but other than that never brings me up. My old Co workers told me He has been hanging around the bar I used to frequent/ work and where we meet just about every weekend for the past 3 weekends. I have not reached out to him in about 16 days. did I mess up? what should I do, I don’t want to loose him

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 15, 2020 at 9:57 pm

      Hey Akaka, so it does not sound as if you have messed up but you would need to do another No Contact because your ex was not ready to talk to you. You need to make sure that when he sees you or when you do cross paths you are always positive and happy. Do not bring up the relationship or the break up etc.

  15. Avatar

    sammy

    February 29, 2020 at 4:09 pm

    Hi,

    I am unsure of how things will pan out. I have known my ex for two/three years, we dated for four months and broke up just short of a month ago. At the time of breakup he said that he is no longer feeling it, and after seemed very hot and cold. He then mentioned that he has a lot going on with work and family. Our relationship was great, we never argued and effort was always on both sides. He mentioned at times that he has told his family about me, and was almost at the point of meeting them. The break-up was out of no where.

    We have not spoke since, and last night I noticed that he marked the WhatsApp chat as read. I’m not sure if he is just over it, or if I should get in contact or if he will get in contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 2, 2020 at 10:52 pm

      Hi Sammy, so I would make sure that you spend some time working through the Ungettable information and apply that to your life before reaching out and amke sure you reach out using a text that Chris suggests that will get your ex talking in a positive way, and you need to end the conversation first not your ex

  16. Avatar

    Kay

    February 8, 2020 at 6:18 pm

    Is it too late to instigate no contact?
    I broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago, after 8.5 years.
    We share a dog together, and a group of friends.
    We’ve been seeing each other pretty regularly and texting. I believe he’s going through a mid life crisis because of his job, and it wasnt the relationship that was the problem, but he says he needs to figure out what he needs before he can think about a relationship again.
    Will no contact work if I’ve delayed it this long, and we will see each other when we’re around friends?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 8, 2020 at 6:54 pm

      Hey Kay, so you would be doing something called Limited no contact if you share a friendship group. So rather than asking the group to choose between you both. You reduce the time you spend around him. For example make sure you are near a girlfriend chatting than sitting there talking to him directly. It is doable after this amount of time but you are going to have to really work on the Ungettable information that is on this website and then even consider jealousy tactics further down the line

  17. Avatar

    Zoe

    January 30, 2020 at 9:06 pm

    Hey. My ex broke up with me a couple of days ago due to him saying he thought he had fallen out of love with me and doesn’t see a future with me. We had been together for almost a year. Throughout our relationship, we had argued a good amount. We took a break about a month ago and I thought we could get through our problems, so we got back together. 2 weeks ago, he wanted to end things but said he couldn’t because he was too attached and wanted to work on things. The past two weeks we had been working on things and I thought we were happier, but come Sunday he tells me these things and breaks up with me. Just last week he had said he loved me and wanted to be with me. I just don’t know what to do. I’m an emotional mess and he seems happy now when I do see him at school.

  18. Avatar

    Antz

    January 18, 2020 at 3:27 pm

    Hi, i just broke up with my bf after 6 months relationship. We were deeply in love and it was serious, until I made a big mistake which causing his losing his love and trust for me. However we still communicate everyday and tried to give a second chance. But ended up he was just took me for granted cos I was so demanding to ask him to act normally and show love. He said he cant cos his feeling is now changed and he still trying. Then just now I decided to end it as I am too hurted to feel neglected and taken for granted, and we decided to be friends for now. He seems to still want to maintain contacts with me, but I am afraid maintaining contacts will make him get used of the form of being friends. But to do NC it might give him a negative signal since we mutually agreed to keep on communicating. But I want him to miss me, to comeback and to remember how good our love was. I believe he just take it for granted because I was always there and available. How to do NC when he keeps reaching out everyday being friendly?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 5:20 pm

      Hi Ants, so you just stop replying even if he is being friendly you ignore him for 30 days

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    Jasmine Hary

    January 16, 2020 at 8:53 am

    Hey there, currently two weeks into no contact and i am definitely healing but i do really want my ex back. He has texted me multiple times and more that I could not see due to unfriending. But recently i found out he is talking to this new girl yet its apparently nothing. Now i am just worried that if he is talking to other girls theres no space for him to miss me or want me back. He also goes out all the time and i feel like it stops him from having a proper think.
    Do you think this will effect my chances

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 11:44 pm

      Hey Jasmine, going out all the time is a sign that they dont want the opportunity to sit and reflect on the emotions he is going through and not wanting to deal with missing you but, yes he will be thinking about you and no matter what he does to distract himself it only works for so long. Keep going with your NC, keep on track

  20. Avatar

    Pretty

    January 15, 2020 at 10:13 am

    Hi EBR

    I’ve been with my ex for 4 months, we were working in the same place, staying together..everything was perfect, we were in love and happy until his ex showed up wanting to fix things, they have been together for more than 8 years but it was on and off and unhealthy….he decided to leave me for her but came back again, so we have been fighting over his ex and finally he’s over her but now he’s saying he wants to be alone, he doesn’t want a relationship anymore..I tried reasoning with him and explaining that our relationship is worth fighting for and he refuses, he even said the whole time he was dating me he didn’t see a future with me, I’m thinking of embarking on a no contact rule…will it work for me in this case?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 11:02 pm

      Hey there, so yes it is 100% worth doing the No Contact, however as he has been in a long term on and off relationship it may do him some good to be alone for some time as he is going to go through emotions that are not going to be fair on you. In that time you can work on becoming the Ungettable girl and when your ex starts to think about you and sees that you are doing so well and having this amazing happy life he is going to question why he ended things and feel like hes missed out on so many amazing times because he wasnt with you

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