One of the most successful ways of getting your ex back is by implementing my no contact rule, but I’ve seen a lot of my clients struggle because they’re not exactly sure if it’s working.

And that’s totally understandable.

We all get impatient sometimes and want quick payback. Human psychology can be a bit tricky, though, and everyone’s feelings aren’t on the same timeline.

Today, I’ll walk you through the 7 signs that the no contact rule is working on your ex, so you’re 100% sure that you’re not wasting your time.

Here are the 7 signs we’ll be learning about today:

  1. Your Ex Tries to Get A Hold of You
  2. You’re Spending More Time on Your Self…And Loving It
  3. Others Start Finding You More Attractive
  4. Your Ex Starts Paying Attention to Social Media More
  5. Your Ex Is More Responsive After No Contact
  6. Your Ex Begins Sending You Gifts
  7. Your Ex Asks About You but Not to Your Face

Let’s dive deeper into each of these, so you know exactly what to look for to confirm that your efforts in the no contact rule are not going to waste!

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Sign #1: Your ex tries to get a hold of you

This is obviously the most apparent sign that the rule is working well for you because your ex is literally at your doorstep trying to win you back!

We typically recommend three different time frames for the no contact rule:

  1. 21 days
  2. 30 days
  3. 45 days

So, let’s say you choose the 21 day no contact time frame, and your ex consistently reaches out to you throughout that time. What does that mean?

It means that the no contact rule is doing exactly what it’s supposed to do!

Why does it work so well and make them reach out to you? PSYCHOLOGY!

This rule works on a psychological principle called Reactance, which means that we don’t like it when any of our behavioral freedoms are taken away.

Well, the no contact rule means you’re taking away your exes’ freedom of talking to you for a specific period, and that drives them NUTS! No wonder they come back running to you to re-obtain that freedom.

The more ways your ex tries to reach you- the better!

It means their anxiety over your no contact is increasing day by day, and they will exhaust every option they can to reach you. Some may call you; some may text, and some may try to get your attention on Facebook or Instagram.

So, what have we learned?

If your ex is consistently trying to reach out to you, the no contact rule is DEFINITELY working exactly how you wanted it to!

Sign #2: You’re spending more time on yourself… and loving it!

Most of our first-time clients are so obsessed with making their exes miss then when they’re on the no contact rule that they forget about themselves.

So, what about YOU?

How should YOU be feeling during the no contact rule?

The no contact rule gives you the perfect time to put your life back together on your own and put yourself FIRST.

We’ve all heard about the five stages of grief- denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

All of our clients go through these five stages, and the no contact rule gives them a perfect time to do that.

You have all the time in the world to let yourself grieve on your own terms. YOU control how sad you feel and for how long. And then you control when you get back up, dust yourself off, and rebuild your life in an image that you WANT.

So, if this no contact period is helping you learn to love yourself again, then that’s the perfect sign that you’re using this time to its fullest potential.

Sign #3: Others start finding you more attractive

In my opinion, this is more of a symptom if you’re doing the no contact rule correctly. You’re probably not doing it right if you’re not getting the attention you deserve from others.

One of the most common concerns from our female clients is “How to get a man to commit to you.”

Well, in a nutshell, for commitment, you need scarcity, urgency, and, most importantly, you need the fear of loss.

What better way to instill that fear in your ex than by letting them see the long line of suitors you have during the no contact rule?

So, feel free to strut your adventures on your social media and get likes and comments from other men. That’ll show your ex what he’s missing, and it’ll give you an epic ego boost.

Sign #4: Your ex starts paying attention to social media more

This sign has nothing to do with other men finding you attractive. It’s more about how your ex is acting on social media.

Facebook is the best social medium to see this sign in action because it allows you to contact your ex during this time indirectly, and it lets them see what you have going on in life too.

So, if your ex starts:

  • Liking your photos
  • Commenting on your photos
  • Reaching out to you via Facebook messenger

Then you KNOW that the no contact rule is definitely working.

Sign #5: Your ex is more responsive after no contact

This might sound paradoxical because you may think that the no contact is only working if your ex reaches out to you more during the no contact period, but that’s not always the case.

So yeah, while your ex reaching out to you during the no contact period is a valid sign, it’s even more compelling if they’re more responsive after the no contact time is completed.

Why?

Because it shows that the no contact period primed them to miss you so much that they do not want to risk falling out of contact again, they will then do their best to be more responsive than they have ever been.

Sign #6: Your ex begins sending you gifts

This sign is basically a more exaggerated and desperate version of sign 1. If your ex starts mailing you gifts during the no contact rule, then the rule is working TO THE MAX!

It really doesn’t get better than your ex missing you so much that he starts showering you with thoughtful presents to get your attention back.

What exactly counts as a gift, though?

I’d say anything from a small teddy bear to something huge like tickets to your favorite concert!

The bigger, the better.

Sign #7: Your ex asks about you but not to your face.

This last sign shows up most when you both have mutual friends after a breakup. It means that your ex is still scared to reach out to you directly, so he feels safer speaking to mutual friends.

This usually involves asking friends to ‘spy’ on you to see if you’re actually as happy as you seem on social media.

Literally everyone I know (including myself) has done this at some point in their lives, and I’m 99% sure that you’re nodding your head right now too.

So, if one of your mutual friends come up to you and say that your ex has been asking about you, it means that the no contact rule is working.

However, one mistake that my clients make in desperation to see this sign is pressurizing the mutual friend into divulging information about their ex. Don/t be that person. Pressing your mutual friend for information will only alienate them and force them to choose sides in the breakup, and you NEVER want to do that to a friend.

Let your mutual friend come to you. This might be in the form of a message your ex wants to pass on, or your friend could just be excited to share some gossip with you.Just be patient, and this sign will show itself!

Conclusion:

Now let’s recap everything we’ve learned today, so you’re fully equipped to know whether the no contact rule is working for you.

  • If your ex reaches out to you directly during the no contact rule, you’re on the right track
  • You don’t need your ex to do anything for the no contact rule to work, taking time to focus on YOURSELF is one of the best things in a no contact period
  • Let others compliment you! It’ll make your ex jealous and help build up your self-esteem
  • If your ex is actively engaging with your social media, the no contact rule is definitely working.
  • If your ex is replying faster and more enthusiastically after the no contact period, you’ve primed him perfectly!
  • Receiving gifts from your ex is the best manifestation of the no contact rule’s success
  • Mutual friends are key to reestablishing indirect communication with your ex but don’t push any friends to oversharing and picking sides if they don’t want to.

So now that you all know the 7 signs that the no contact rule is working, I’d love to hear more from you!

Have you ever experienced any of these signs?

Can you think of any other signs that could signal success of the no contact rule?

What to Read Next

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By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Will No Contact Work If Your Ex Moved On To Someone New?

By Chris Seiter | 3 comments

Her Ex Broke Up With Her Out Of The Blue And She Got Him Back

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70 thoughts on “Signs That The No Contact Rule Is Working On Your Ex”

  1. Avatar

    Jennifer

    July 20, 2020 at 12:30 am

    My ex was liked a few of my pics, one each two days in a row. One of them got some flirty responses from another guy. I was light and funny but not flirty in return. My ex then posted a pic, I saw it but did not react because no contact means NO CONTACT- the next day he deactivated his account. It’s been 2 days since then. I have not reached out. I don’t know if no contact is working or has backfired. Help! Lol

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 8:43 pm

      Hey Jennifer, I would say it sounds as if it is working in the sense that he has tried to get your attention by liking your photos and him deactivating his account could be an emotional response that you have not been watching his posts. Keep going!

  2. Avatar

    Luna

    June 5, 2020 at 11:47 am

    My ex broke up with me a week ago and since we haven’t spoken.
    We had no major issues, everything was good, our families, friends and coworkers liked both of us. Never had any arguments, always made time for each other, always checked in on how his day was, gave each other gifts and was always happy. A week and a half before the break up he was talking about the future for us, suggesting things for a years time when i can move out from my parents and we could live together.
    The week before the break up he didn’t always want to talk on text, and when we’d see each other in person he didn’t really want to touch me, kiss me, or even talk much.
    We work at the same place together and physically avoid each other. He suffers from depression and has been getting worse recently, he never spoke to me about how bad it has been getting. When he broke up with me he said he loves me, kissed my forehead, and held me close to him with one arm while i cried for a bit. His reasoning was he wanted to work on himself, fix things with his mum, and that he didn’t want to put me through everything because he believes he has nothing and no idea on his future career plans. To do that it he said it would be difficult to achieve being happy around me and upset, stressed, and angry without me around. Three hours after he changed his FB status to single.
    Supervisors at work have spoken to him about why he ended the relationship. First time he was asked he said he didn’t know if he wanted to be in a relationship. (which is strange because we had been together for 5 months). The second time with a different supervisor he said he does want to be with me but wants to be single. So far from what i can tell he hasn’t contacted his mum to attempt fixing that; just been with his friends the whole time thus only going home to sleep and is happy talking to everyone but me currently. At work he wouldn’t look at me or speak to me. What suggestions do you have from this article for during NC and after 30 days?
    Much appreciated, Thank you for reading

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 15, 2020 at 5:36 pm

      Hey Luna, if he wants to be single right now then you are not going to change his mind quickly. He needs to feel the single life first. And you need to focus on yourself being Ungettable. During work hours where you are around each other do not hang around his work area try to keep busy, but always be happy and chatty as if you are not upset. You need to work on your Holy Trinity and show how you are doing great. At the end of your NC you need to approach the texting phase with the information Chris has given in his articles about how to use a hook text

  3. Avatar

    Angela

    May 25, 2020 at 7:31 pm

    Hi.

    My ex and I broke up about 7 months ago. We had been together for about 2 years. I am the reason the relationship ended. He was very angry about it. He says he’s forgiven me but the anger is evident sometimes. He has been speaking to me but only for his own personal gain. I was the one who had to ensure that the friendship is maintained by texting every morning & night including phone calls. I’ve tried everything in my power to try get him back and it has failed (including begging). I decided to implement the no contact rule and today is only day 6. Before the no contact rule we had a fight so I think he’s still angry at me. I want to know if the NC rule will still work in my situation? Or did I apply it at a wrong time?

    And what happens if your ex doesn’t text you or reach out in any way during your NC period?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 4, 2020 at 9:30 pm

      Hi Angela it does not matter if your ex reaches out to you or not during your No Contact, what matters is that you work on yourself so that you become Ungettable. Always striving for the best for yourself. Then at the end of your No Contact phase you enter the texting phase. Where you reach out to your ex first. There are many articles here to walk you through what you need to be doing and how to go about reaching out for the first time after a No Contact too

  4. Avatar

    Maria Navarro

    May 23, 2020 at 8:35 pm

    Help please!! Hello: I was “dating” a guy for about 4 to 5 months. Since I met him he was honest about how much he works and what he was looking for in a relationship. We had instant chemistry! In the beginning we used to see each other very week once a week..but as time progressed he got more work to do and I was seeing him every two weeks. He never asked me to hang out with his little daughter when she was in town for the weekend, or asked me to go to grocery shopping or anything. He always told me he was looking for a serious relationship, and would like to get married “to the right girl”.
    Every time we spent together, it was at his house and we didn’t jump right into sex immediately..it was first a good time talking, getting to know each other, eating, watching tv, and then going to sleep..he always asked me to stay the night. The last time I was with him…i cant even describe how deep the connection i felt with him…needless to say…we never had rough sex…he was always on top of me…and we made love so intensely..looking in the eyes and his kisses were the most perfect to me….

    Fast forward…I got pregnant…It was not planned….I found out only because I was having a lot of pain…turned out to be a ectopic pregnancy…this was back in April 2020…he was working up to 15 hours a day at some point…and worried about losing his job and needing money for expenses (he recently bought a house, and had to get a new car)…I know…I could see how tired he is from working….but part of me always thought that he has to have some down time and he should be able to squeeze me a little bit more…but then again..maybe that was just me trying to force him to do that….He told me he doesn’t want to have a baby right now because he would prefer to be married or “When we get married” and at least in another 1 or 2 more years when he doesn’t have to pay so many things. He literally talked about US.
    He said he doesn’t want to rush things…and told me his last 2 relationships were with controlling women who were very mean. He said he has feelings for me. and he misses me a lot…
    Anyway..when i was going through the loss of my pregnancy, i had to have emergency surgery…very difficult…and he wasn’t there for me…yes he was asking me all the time if i was doing ok..and how everything was with me…but like..he never even picked me up from ER, or bought me flowers..or something that in my opinion he should’ve done…maybe it’s just me….but most importantly he didn’t make time for me…to even give me a hug or kiss!! nothing..not even 5 minutes….

    So i was in a very needy energy and i sent him a long message (like this one) asking him if he’s just busy or simply not so interested……I just wanted to know because i was anxious, sad for everything and i hadn’t seen him in 3 weeks! blame the virus!

    Anyway he said…that “he might just be too busy for a full on relationship plus the virus situation”….then I asked him if he at least knew he wanted to be with me when things settle? And i made the mistake of telling him….because I know i want you no one else..i want to be your queen! followed by LOL and a queen emoji. I mean i like to say silly things sometimes. His reply was: “Yes, lets just take some time off”
    I said..Im sorry if i said something stupid….but your right maybe its good to take time off.
    We didnt talk for 10 days and then i sent him a little…hello hope you are ok…then he started talking to me again..kind of normal but kind of distracted at the same time.

    After a few messages i sent him another one saying…hey i just want to say sorry for trying to push things before knowing you have a lot on your plate….i will respect your need for time…and hopefully i will talk to you again soon when you feel ready and if you want to still see me of course. He read it and responded saying he just got home..but hasn’t talked to me since then..its been 3 weeks 🙁 normally he never likes to talk about feelings over text) he keeps watching my stories on facebook though…and he’s always online but does not contact me…at all… i love him…:(

    What should i do???

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 10, 2020 at 4:28 pm

      Hey Maria, so if you want this gut to start chasing to you, then you are going to need to start working the program, starting with a proper No Contact where you do not reach out or reply for 30 days and this includes watching social media. Work on yourself, using these articles and Chris videos he has posted on YouTube to help you work through and understand the Holy Trinity and the Ungettable Girl information. This is going to show your ex that you are not waiting around for him anymore and getting on with your life

  5. Avatar

    Kate

    May 21, 2020 at 3:56 am

    Hi,
    My ex and I only dates 2and a half months but liked each other much longer. We never fought but he did say he wanted to slow things down and be friends to see if his feelings would catch up to mine. I said “sorry I do have feelings for you and cannot be friends right now this us goodbye”
    He told me he would miss me. He would miss hanging out with me, my cooking our amazing sex life too. He also said he won’t be dating anyone or talking to anyone else or sleeping with anyone. He hugged me a few times. He said he has feelings NGS just not in love with me. I said in your heart of hearts what do you want to do. He said again he friends and see where it goes. I said I can’t. When I left he said you never know what the future holds.
    I have now been NC for 15 days, no messages no calls etc, he has not contacted me either, I feel like he never cared. I miss him so much. It’s hard. I post my daily things on Facebook as usual. I have been doing sooo much and feel great.
    I often wonde if this is working ng and what do I say if he does not contact me after 30 days. How do I make that first contact. Wish he would just contact me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 4, 2020 at 9:02 pm

      Hi Kate, I would suggest that you reach out using the texts that Chris explains in his articles

  6. Avatar

    Hi

    May 19, 2020 at 3:32 pm

    Hi there,

    I’m a guy and right before the end of no contact she is sending me some very nasty and threatening messages. She has sent some sad messages prior to this and tried to contact me.

    I have not responded because she is not responding positively, but what to do if the messages are blackmail?

    Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 8:25 pm

      Hey there, so if this is the case you need to block her and keep a record of all those blackmail messages you have been sent!

  7. Avatar

    Ari

    May 8, 2020 at 2:45 pm

    Hi, my ex and I decided do be friends about a week ago. I started the no contact rule since then. Today was supposedly our first year anniversary. I thought he forgot about it and chose to let the day pass by without talking to me. I recently checked my email and found out that he sent me a gift card. It included a message saying thank you for the memories and love lots. Is it okay say thank you? Also, does his message sound like a goodbye measage?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 13, 2020 at 11:00 pm

      Hi Ari, so if you are going to follow the program, I would suggest that you do not acknowledge the gift and just stick to your NC

  8. Avatar

    Kayla Wright

    March 14, 2020 at 5:09 am

    I have been in no contact for 2 weeks, he broke up with me (5 months) but it was face to face and i wished him well, no crying or yelling involved. He had spoken of longevity the month before but on this day he stated he wasn’t ready for a deep relationship (even though he had been the one pushing for everything. I have a feeling this wasn’t the truth but it is what it is.)
    I reactivated my dating profile… saw that he had too (by chance because he was still listed on my likes). I made it a point to not look when he was on. I would hide my profile when i wasn’t online. Then today I forgot to hide it. He viewed me. He knows I can see who viewed me.
    My question is, do I need to start over with no contact? Do I hide my profile or block him? This would mean I would have to click on his profile. I’ve had no other mess ups or contacts with him.
    He does not do social media nor does he have to run into me anywhere. This is the only way he can even see me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 12:41 am

      Hi Kayla, so I would allow him to be able to view your profile. You need to not view his. Complete 30 days before you reach out with a text.

  9. Avatar

    Viky

    March 5, 2020 at 12:27 pm

    My Fiancée and I broke up 1,5 month ago after being together for 11years. I did strict no contact for 30days. After I finally reached out to him with a fun message. He replied by saying this: as I mentioned before, we can keep in touch, meet up and talk. But I don’t want to hurt you and give you false hope that there is a way back. It’s still becomes really difficult for me, when I think about all the good memories. but I have made my peace with what happened and I want to move on with my life. We can meet up but only if we are not going to talk about what happened and about us getting back together.

    I am trying to understand this response and if there are any meaning to it. Or it actually means what he says and just want to be friends?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 11:58 am

      Hey Vicky, it seems as if he is still focusing on his decision that he ended the relationship for the right reasons. Spend some time working the Ungettable girl work and use social media to show that you are happy in life and doing new and exciting things. Change his perspective of who you are, for the better.

  10. Avatar

    akaka

    March 3, 2020 at 9:04 pm

    hi there!
    My ex and I were together for 2 years ( with three small break ups the first year) and lived together for 1 year. we split almost 3 months ago, after the break up we sorted out things with out apartment and I moved out immediately. Our relationship was good ( or I thought so) we would have the occasional fights but nothing ever serious
    He would text me about things like how to pay the rent xyz then I told him I can’t talk to him right now and started a 30 day NC. During this time I didn’t hear from him at all and I thought that’s because I told him not to talk to me. Once the 30 days was up I initiated contact and it seemed to be going really well he was responding in about less than 5 minutes and even initiated a conversation with me the following day when I cut the conversation short. Then he randomly went silent, I sent a message and he ignored me. I thought he might haven been busy? but, he never responded. I tried again and he said that it was too hard to talk to me and that it’s best we go our separate ways. That’s when I may have went a little over board with the texts and honestly was probably pretty desperate sounding. He said he fell out of love with me in out relationship and he doesn’t want that to happen again. However, he told his friends he still cares about me once about a month ago since we broke up but other than that never brings me up. My old Co workers told me He has been hanging around the bar I used to frequent/ work and where we meet just about every weekend for the past 3 weekends. I have not reached out to him in about 16 days. did I mess up? what should I do, I don’t want to loose him

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 15, 2020 at 9:57 pm

      Hey Akaka, so it does not sound as if you have messed up but you would need to do another No Contact because your ex was not ready to talk to you. You need to make sure that when he sees you or when you do cross paths you are always positive and happy. Do not bring up the relationship or the break up etc.

  11. Avatar

    sammy

    February 29, 2020 at 4:09 pm

    Hi,

    I am unsure of how things will pan out. I have known my ex for two/three years, we dated for four months and broke up just short of a month ago. At the time of breakup he said that he is no longer feeling it, and after seemed very hot and cold. He then mentioned that he has a lot going on with work and family. Our relationship was great, we never argued and effort was always on both sides. He mentioned at times that he has told his family about me, and was almost at the point of meeting them. The break-up was out of no where.

    We have not spoke since, and last night I noticed that he marked the WhatsApp chat as read. I’m not sure if he is just over it, or if I should get in contact or if he will get in contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 2, 2020 at 10:52 pm

      Hi Sammy, so I would make sure that you spend some time working through the Ungettable information and apply that to your life before reaching out and amke sure you reach out using a text that Chris suggests that will get your ex talking in a positive way, and you need to end the conversation first not your ex

  12. Avatar

    Kay

    February 8, 2020 at 6:18 pm

    Is it too late to instigate no contact?
    I broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago, after 8.5 years.
    We share a dog together, and a group of friends.
    We’ve been seeing each other pretty regularly and texting. I believe he’s going through a mid life crisis because of his job, and it wasnt the relationship that was the problem, but he says he needs to figure out what he needs before he can think about a relationship again.
    Will no contact work if I’ve delayed it this long, and we will see each other when we’re around friends?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 8, 2020 at 6:54 pm

      Hey Kay, so you would be doing something called Limited no contact if you share a friendship group. So rather than asking the group to choose between you both. You reduce the time you spend around him. For example make sure you are near a girlfriend chatting than sitting there talking to him directly. It is doable after this amount of time but you are going to have to really work on the Ungettable information that is on this website and then even consider jealousy tactics further down the line

  13. Avatar

    Zoe

    January 30, 2020 at 9:06 pm

    Hey. My ex broke up with me a couple of days ago due to him saying he thought he had fallen out of love with me and doesn’t see a future with me. We had been together for almost a year. Throughout our relationship, we had argued a good amount. We took a break about a month ago and I thought we could get through our problems, so we got back together. 2 weeks ago, he wanted to end things but said he couldn’t because he was too attached and wanted to work on things. The past two weeks we had been working on things and I thought we were happier, but come Sunday he tells me these things and breaks up with me. Just last week he had said he loved me and wanted to be with me. I just don’t know what to do. I’m an emotional mess and he seems happy now when I do see him at school.

  14. Avatar

    Antz

    January 18, 2020 at 3:27 pm

    Hi, i just broke up with my bf after 6 months relationship. We were deeply in love and it was serious, until I made a big mistake which causing his losing his love and trust for me. However we still communicate everyday and tried to give a second chance. But ended up he was just took me for granted cos I was so demanding to ask him to act normally and show love. He said he cant cos his feeling is now changed and he still trying. Then just now I decided to end it as I am too hurted to feel neglected and taken for granted, and we decided to be friends for now. He seems to still want to maintain contacts with me, but I am afraid maintaining contacts will make him get used of the form of being friends. But to do NC it might give him a negative signal since we mutually agreed to keep on communicating. But I want him to miss me, to comeback and to remember how good our love was. I believe he just take it for granted because I was always there and available. How to do NC when he keeps reaching out everyday being friendly?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 5:20 pm

      Hi Ants, so you just stop replying even if he is being friendly you ignore him for 30 days

  15. Avatar

    Jasmine Hary

    January 16, 2020 at 8:53 am

    Hey there, currently two weeks into no contact and i am definitely healing but i do really want my ex back. He has texted me multiple times and more that I could not see due to unfriending. But recently i found out he is talking to this new girl yet its apparently nothing. Now i am just worried that if he is talking to other girls theres no space for him to miss me or want me back. He also goes out all the time and i feel like it stops him from having a proper think.
    Do you think this will effect my chances

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 11:44 pm

      Hey Jasmine, going out all the time is a sign that they dont want the opportunity to sit and reflect on the emotions he is going through and not wanting to deal with missing you but, yes he will be thinking about you and no matter what he does to distract himself it only works for so long. Keep going with your NC, keep on track

  16. Avatar

    Pretty

    January 15, 2020 at 10:13 am

    Hi EBR

    I’ve been with my ex for 4 months, we were working in the same place, staying together..everything was perfect, we were in love and happy until his ex showed up wanting to fix things, they have been together for more than 8 years but it was on and off and unhealthy….he decided to leave me for her but came back again, so we have been fighting over his ex and finally he’s over her but now he’s saying he wants to be alone, he doesn’t want a relationship anymore..I tried reasoning with him and explaining that our relationship is worth fighting for and he refuses, he even said the whole time he was dating me he didn’t see a future with me, I’m thinking of embarking on a no contact rule…will it work for me in this case?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 11:02 pm

      Hey there, so yes it is 100% worth doing the No Contact, however as he has been in a long term on and off relationship it may do him some good to be alone for some time as he is going to go through emotions that are not going to be fair on you. In that time you can work on becoming the Ungettable girl and when your ex starts to think about you and sees that you are doing so well and having this amazing happy life he is going to question why he ended things and feel like hes missed out on so many amazing times because he wasnt with you

  17. Avatar

    Milli

    January 15, 2020 at 8:54 am

    Hey my ex boyfriend and I have been together for one and a half years, I did work and travel and lived with him in his country. After I got back home because I did not had a visa anymore he said that he wants to break up with me and cannot love me because he has troubles loving himself and that he is very unsure in what he wants and that he will be for awhile. We have still been texting for about a month after that and calling but it came mainly from me, sometimes from him, but all of the conversations were about the relationship and me being super emotional, he said that pushes him further away. I am very unsure what to do because I really love him and I dont know if he decides that he wants to be with me or if he decides he is better off without me, what should I do in the situation. I stopped texting him 5 days ago but he did not try to reach out to me, I told him I need a little time off, but what if he decides that he does not want to be with me because he forgot about me after having no contact, or what if he sees he is better off without me, I am really unsure what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 11:14 pm

      Hi Milli he is not going to forget about you from 30 days of No Contact, but it is important to go into a No Contact after a break up so that you get time apart, you can deal with your emotions without causing more damage to the situation and then you can also change the image your ex has of you, cultivate the image that you want him to have of you by working on yourself and then he is going to see you in this new light and regret ending things with you. It also gives him that time to himself as he said he does not love himself you can work on himself so that he is in a better place when you are in the texting phase again

  18. Avatar

    Maja

    January 14, 2020 at 11:09 am

    Hi,
    I think my situation is hopeless. I was the one that broke up with my boyfriend after we weren’t on the same page and we weren’t able to resolve our problems, he didn’t want to communicate and I pushed him to and always nagging and we had several fights, but eventually we would undestand each other, get back on track and were happy and in peace, we lived in different cities (45 min drive) so we colud be together. We were 5 years together, seen places, been there for each other, we were supposed to move in together but were fighting about that matter, because he wanted me to move to our home town and live with his parents and I wanted us to be just the two of us. I will move to our home town this year but by myself, he will be there too, but we are not together anymore. Miss him, and I now understand what I did, and I was thinking it through. I broke up on the end of October 2019. We texted each other for Christmas (I texted first, wanted to meet) and he told me that there is nothing to talk about and that he is angry, then texted short for my birthday and New Year and that is it. Before that he deleted me and my friends from social media. So the no contact period starts from January 1 st when we last contacted or I sholud stop waiting and move on?? Can I make this right?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 12:01 am

      Hey Maja you can follow the program to give yourself your best chance of getting your ex back but it does involve reading, following through with the information given to apply to your situation.

  19. Avatar

    Lyn

    January 13, 2020 at 2:25 am

    Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 yrs. We have a lot of things in common and same interests. I work in the medical field, while he works in the business field. Though we have different points of view, we still manage to share infos and discuss issues. Then, while we were on our second yr, I had a lot of fall down with my career. I got depressed most of the time. I always talk to him and ask for more of his time for comfort. We do quarrel but tend to fix it within the day. Fast forward, during holidays he was with his family on vacation. We were okay. The usual conversations. Though I was quite furious if he isn’t able to respond back. Then suddenly, the last reply I got from him was “i want to have time alone”. I panicked. Thinking that he’ll break up with me. So I still text him everyday. Kept on saying sorry for my mistakes in our rel. I even told him I apologized to his parents because I was insisting him to marry me soon enough. I texted him that I promise not to do things that he’ll get mad of, like me being repetitive. Today is our 2nd anniv. I greeted him and told him I am wishing we could still have another chance. It’s been 2 weeks since the last talk with him. And for that time being, I’ve been texting him. What should I do now? Is there any chance he’ll come around? He haven’t said anything about breaking up. So I am still really hoping we’ll be okay soon.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2020 at 4:16 am

      Hi Lyn keep in NC for another two weeks where you do not reach out or reply to him. you need to NC for 30 days. If you follow the advice on this website and implement it to your life then you give yourself your best chance at getting your ex back. Read about being Ungettable and do the work that is needed

  20. Avatar

    Abigail

    January 9, 2020 at 5:54 am

    Hi..My boyfriend and I we’re together for 9 months LDR (he’s a seafarer). During that span of time, almost every month we had constant fights and misunderstanding which I normally start.He says sorry first but after every conflict, I don’t talk to him usually 1-2 days. The silent treatment seemed unacceptable to him since he is also very sensitive, he can’t seem to bear my harsh words taking it personally and he gets mad too which causes me to reach out first and say sorry. We agreed not to deal with conflict that way but I guess it did not improve. (I just can’t really change my behavior, I am a highly emotional person and keeping silent was my way of calming my anger and avoid saying hurtful words).And the misunderstanding, silent treatment, reaching out cycle went on. Fast forward he got back to work and is now at sea.It was the first time for him to be in a container vessel and he said the work is so stressful and hectic, he had difficulty adjusting,he can’t almost get enough sleep (it was pretty obvious bcoz he really did lose weight). It has been also very difficult for us to communicate because of time gap and his poor signal; our means of communication was messenger (we can’t even videochat most of the time). During our 7th month together which was his 2nd week starting work, we had a big fight which caused by my frustration over him not being able to contact for almost 4days. He explained but he said something (which I will not mention) that really got into my nerve I burst out of anger. He also got pissed which made our conversation worse.. After a few hours I reached out.That was then the 1st time he asked for space saying he was just so tired from work and our arguments doesn’t help.. I gave him space (but deep inside I was in panick state) but after a day he already reached out and we were back on track. Misunderstanding still came from time to time until this recent conflict that we had which I did not spoke to him for a day. After calming my feelings, I contacted him like nothing has happened.. He only responded once and did not talk to me then.. Few hours after I messaged him and said sorry for not communicating with him for a day.. His reply shocked me.. He said he doesn’t understand his feelings now and is confused of what he feels towards me..Like he can’t think of me in his happy times but only remembers me when he’s alone & lonely. That he became a boring person.(I wasn’t able to clarify what he really meant by that). He also said that he loves me so much but it’s cooling down and that he doesn’t like the situation he’s in. He feels as though he is holding back his words and actions and is in prison of the thoughts of me not to be hurt unlike when he was single where he was just carefree and comfortable. He was asking for my help.. After reading his rply I was really hurt and scared. I immediately replied of possible solutions to resolve the issue to which he only replied with let’s talk about it some other time.. I was not able to sleep that night thinking about what he said. I wasn’t expecting that because we were very much okay before the misunderstanding and did not feel a cold shoulder from him. The next day, I chatted him asking for time for us to talk. But he said he can’t give me time because of his hectic schedule to which I assumed that he really didn’t want to talk to me at at all, anymore.I called him but he did not answer (he was still at work then). That’s when I decided to break up with him. Then he asked was that really what I want, that he was just only needing space and not a split.. (I think he got alarmed that I wanted to break up).That he can’t just take the pressure anymore..That he’s situation there is unbearable. (I’m not sure if it’s because of his work or our relationship or both).He also kind of blame me for deciding immediately without even hearing his side..That I only listen to him when we are in situation like this..I replied, I asked you how many times but you did not respond and you don’t even want to talk to me..He explained he wasn’t able to answer because he was still at work. (I was irritated because he said he can’t give me time but now explains reason that he’s at work). It was clear to me then that he just wanted space, again. So i told him that I will give him the time he needs and wait for him.. He asked me until when will I wait and I replied it’s already up to him when will he let me wait.. After that, I sent a last long message asking sorry and that we’ll be in cool-off stage reiterating that I will for him for as long as I can until he’s ready to talk and make his decision to which he did not reply anymore.. Right now I’m in dilemma.. Should I wait for him or just move on? Is there still a chance for him to get back? I really need enlightenment.To be honest I am dying for him to reach out..But is confused if he is worth the wait.. It’s been two days already.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 7:41 pm

      Hi Abigail, so from the sounds of it the constant arguing bickering that you have been doing has taken a toll on your ex where he needs to be away from it and essentially you as it is you who he is arguing with. The fact that you have gone through this cycle with him over and over again it is important that you follow a full NO Contact for at least 45 days. No one can tell you if he is worth the wait, it is your decision

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