One look around my website should be enough to tell you how important the no contact rule is.

I’ve even gone as far as calling in the foundation upon which every successful “get your ex back” strategy is built on.

However, I thought I’d change things up today and talk about a few of the situations where you need to avoid it because it won’t work.

So, I’m not only going to explain those situations to you but if you read this article, all the way to the end, I’m going to tell you about a specific text message you can receive that will actually allow you to break your no contact period early.

Sound exciting?

Let’s begin!

When To Not Use The No Contact Rule

There are three big things I’d like to cover in this article.

Some of them may sound familiar but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that some of them are completely new to you.

I’m also going to go against the grain of what is expected.

Over the years I’ve been dubbed as a huge proponent of the no contact rule.

(Make Sure You Read This Article For A Full Rundown Of What No Contact Is.)

And while I still believe it is one of the most effective strategies for getting an ex back I’m not going to back it up 100% of the time in every single situation especially when it stops working.

Here’s a list of those situations.

  1. You broke up with your ex and immediately regret your decision.
  2. You find yourself in a situation where the no contact rule won’t work
  3. You receive a very specific type of text message(s)

Let’s dissect!

Factor #1: You Broke Up With Your Ex And Immediately Regret Your Decision

This is probably the most shocking factor of the bunch.

After all, you are here because you regret how the breakup went down, right?

Well, I implore you to pay attention to every word in that sentence.

YOU BROKE UP with your ex and immediately regret your decision.

Most of the clients I work with are in situations where their exes have broken up with them.

I know there have been a lot of debates about this but I think there is a bit more power that goes to the person that breaks up with the other person.

Think of it like this.

It’s not always fair but if you were the one to break up with your ex you are in a bit of a power position and if you regret your decision you may find that implementing something like the no contact rule might set you back.

You may be wondering how I’ve come by this knowledge.

Well, believe it or not this is actually something that we’ve encountered in our private Facebook group.

We mistakenly recommended the no contact rule to a few women who found themselves in this rare position and watched as things fell apart and their exes moved on or became unresponsive.

Whoops.

One day my wife got the idea to take the opposite approach and recommend a more direct track by just simply asking the ex out for a cup of coffee and admit that a mistake was made with the breakup.

The results were a lot more positive.

Now, there is one thing I want to focus in on here.

Timing does matter.

Even if you did break up with your ex and regret your decision. The thing you also need to account for is how long it’s been since the initial breakup.

If it’s only been a few days or a week then that is usually fine.

If it has been a few months then that could be problematic.

In those cases you’d probably want to take a look at implementing a no contact rule.

To recap, here’s the ultimate wishlist for this no contact alteration.

  • You have to be the one that broke up with your ex
  • It has to be right after the breakup.
  • You need to apologize or tell your ex that you made a massive mistake
  • You need to invite your ex out for coffee or an activity of equal value

Factor #2: You Are In A Situation Where Literal No Contact Is Possible

Sometimes you are just in a difficult situation where the no contact rule simply isn’t possible.

Situations like this include,

  • Working with your ex
  • Living with your ex
  • Sharing children with your ex

I think you get the idea as there are definitely more situations than the ones listed.

One of the biggest misconceptions with the no contact rule is the fact that when you do it, it doesn’t matter if your ex gets angry.

I’ve written multiple times about anger and how sometimes it can be a positive thing but there is a difference between direct anger and indirect anger.

If you are purposefully ignoring your ex while living with them it’s not only going to make your ex angry but it will also kind of creep them out.

And then of course you have situations where you share children with your ex.

Inevitably you will need to communicate about the children at some point and that might be impossible to do during no contact, right?

So, is there some kind of other no contact rule you can use?

Actually yes, in situations like these I recommend that my clients implement a “limited no contact rule.”

I’ve written about that here.

But if you want a quick crash course I’d be happy to do that too.

Limited Contact: This is essentially the same thing as the no contact rule except you are permitted to respond to your exes when they contact you first and if you deem their contact important.

What is deemed important contact?

Obviously if your kid is getting rushed to the hospital and your ex is contacting you about that then it might be good to respond.

But what if your ex is telling you that they miss you.

Is that important enough to respond?

Well, that’s actually the perfect lead in to the next factor I’d like to discuss with you today.

Factor #3: You Receive Very Specific Types of Text Message(s)

Last year there was a member of our private Facebook group who was implementing the no contact rule.

(If you aren’t in our Facebook Group you can get access to it for free with a purchase of any of our products.)

She did something really interesting.

She actually charted everything that her ex texted her.

He texted some interesting things.

“You ok?”

“I miss you…”

“I think about you all the time.”

“I can’t get you out of my mind”

“I will never find anyone like you.”

“I stalk you on social media.”

“How do you smile?”

“How do you move on?”

She cited each one of these text messages as reasons that she cracked and broke her no contact rule.

All of these text messages are positive by nature.

Each has an underlying current of one person wanting another to want them.

But when you look at all of the text messages do you want to know the one thing that is missing in all of them?

An actual admission that he wants to get back together with my client.

Sometimes you’ll find the no contact rule works so well that you’ll get responses like the ones above.

Those are good responses but what you are really looking for are responses like these,

“I want to get back together”

“We shouldn’t have broken up”

“It was a mistake for me to leave you.”

“Being friends is BS”

“I need you as my girlfriend/fiance/wife/boyfriend/husband.”

Do you see the difference between responses way above and the responses here?

It’s kind of like wants versus needs.

Wants don’t always get people to take action.

Needs do.

And what is the difference between wants and needs?

Needs are simply a function of “wants” maturing.

Think about that.

41 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule May Not Work”

  1. Nancy

    January 19, 2019 at 1:34 am

    Hi,
    Dated my ex for a year, it’s a Long distance relationship, cross country, and due to his work he can’t travel, but my job has flexibility, so I flew every month. We kept texting thru the day we’d FaceTime every night. Year was great but towards the end, I was adding pressure to him to propose. I wanted to get married and then think about having kids maybe a little after marriage, I’m older so I have a “timeline”. Last month we had horrible fighting, and that’s how it abruptly ended, during an argument he called quit. As Soon as he hung up, I called him, but he didn’t answer. Now it’s been a week, neither of us reached out. I want to apologise and reconcile, but from a far means so much harder to do. Recommendation about the NC rule or how to approach this?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 19, 2019 at 4:14 pm

      Hi Nancy!

      I am sorry you had such a horrible fight. So, you should give consideration to implementing NC.

  2. Amy

    January 18, 2019 at 1:18 am

    Hi Chris,

    Me and my ex have known each other for a year, and started dating about 2 months ago- we were good friends first. He travels a bit, so it’s a LDR. At first, I didn’t think much because he would be gone for 1-2 months at a time, and I thought it would be doable.

    Everything was going well, no fights, we’re having a great time. Fast forward he leaves for about a month– we don’t talk on the phone, however, we text almost every day, if not every other, e-mails, etc.

    We were talking and I got emotional about how far he was and said to him that this is very difficult and that I don’t understand this type of lifestyle (his traveling is due to his nomadic lifestyle, not because of work.) He also tells me that he believes in co-living (meaning living w/ several people under one roof. The more that I thought about it, the more that I felt extremely uncomfortable about his desires and wants. Out of high emotions, I said to him “We have no future together” and hung up.

    We didn’t contact for 5 days. I get an e-mail from him saying that he agreed with me- we have very different lifestyles.

    Now I really regret my decision, I immediately regret it about an hour I hung up after telling him we have no future.

    I know you said that there are exceptions where the NC may not work, and this one of them.

    My question is– should I go ahead and contact him, apologize and ask to try the relationship again? Knowing that he agreed in his e-mail that our breakup was the right thing to do– should I still apologize and ask for another chance? He is out of the country, and won’t be back until early Feb– will an apology over the phone work?

    Please help!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 18, 2019 at 3:59 pm

      Hi Amy!

      I think that would be fine…to let him know how you really feel, then give him some space to digest it.

  3. Michelle

    January 15, 2019 at 12:09 am

    Hey Chris,

    My bf broke up with me a week ago because he’s moving across the country (he moved yesterday). I met up with him yesterday to say goodbye, but we didn’t discuss our breakup not once. We both love each other (1 year and 3 months together), but for some reason it just didn’t work. We didn’t break up on bad terms or anything like that. It took everything in me not to beg and cry for him to change his mind. do you think the no contact rule will work in this situation even though we technically won’t see each other for a while. I was suppose to move down there in 6 months but he said we needed time to work on ourselves. I really think he used that suggestion as a coverup to break up with me. I’m on the east coast and he’s now on the west coast. I really love this guy and want it to work

  4. Tina

    January 12, 2019 at 7:28 pm

    Hi Chris can you please reply back to my last message as I don’t know what to do now.

  5. Tina

    January 11, 2019 at 2:28 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thanks for the reply. I’m not too sure if it’s care though, maybe he feels obliged to say thanks because of the sweet message I sent him. I don’t know where to go from here. Do I be no contact or do I message him soon? I’m afraid that he will neglect me again. Don’t know why he does that. Also why did he address my name saying Tan, rather Tanya. That’s what he used to called me when first met, tan. Tanya is my nickname at home

  6. Lily

    January 10, 2019 at 8:58 pm

    Chris, I have a question:
    My ex-boyfriend dumped me after a little over a year and a half. I had been struggling with major anxiety, sleep disturbance and other emotional problems for a long time, which took a toll on him. For the past few months he had been cold and unsupportive and had treated me like an irrirant. I have since gotten some help. It has only been two weeks since the break up. I have not implemented no contact. There has been low contact, and he acts distant and frankly, like a jerk. I am not even sure I want him back, given how much it hurt me that he was cold and not “there for” me during my struggles. He also never said goodbye to my son (nor agreed to it, which I asked for, because the abrupt departure from my son’s life of someone he was attached to, with no goodbye, is stressful and far from ideal). In fact, I think his behavior in this regard was selfish, immature, and hurtful, and I do not want anything to do with a man who behaves like that.
    The thing is, he HAD been sweet, and everything I’d wanted, at one point, and I suspect he, too, was struggling with things that had nothing to do with me (or, perhaps, his change in demeanor and of heart was caused by me and my struggles–if so, I want nothing to do with him.) Good partners are supportive during hard times, not “fair weather” lovers).
    The same day he broke up with me (earlier in the day) he had asked me to take a trip with him months in the future. Very odd. It seems the breakup itself was impulsive, even if he’d been unhappy for a while (as he now says.)

    I booked an expensive trip for us as a Christmas gift to him. I didn’t even “give” it to him at Christmas because of the way things were. I had intended to save it for New Year’s/Valentine’s Day. Then we broke up. I told him about the trip after the break-up (non-refundable, his name on ticket, an expensive mess), but we haven’t talked much. He wants to discuss it (presumably to figure out how it might be used, help me explore options to reduce the damage, etc…no idea.) He said it was “sweet” of me. Gag.

    What would you recommend I do now? Just go NC? Talk to him about the trip? (I am still angry with him, but haven’t acted like it.) What if he wants to take the trip? (He is very selfish, so I wouldn’t put it past him.) If we talk, should I maintain an upbeat attitude? If things could ever go back to how they once were, I think I could forgive him and would very much like to try again. Assuming that is my hope (and I don’t know), what do I do now? I do NOT want him taking advantage of me to get the trip.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 11, 2019 at 12:38 am

      Hi Lily. So NC is an option.I would not go on a trip with him unless the two of you have mended a lot of the fence. Yes, always lead with positivity and kindness. Taking the high road will make you feel better and more often than not, it produces results. Time is a great healer so make use of it for yourself and the relationship. And feel free to tap into any of my eBooks as they can help you infinitely more than I can here.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 11, 2019 at 12:38 am

      Hi Lily. So NC is an option.I would not go on a trip with him unless the two of you have mended a lot of the fence. Yes, always lead with positivity and kindness. Taking the high road will make you feel better and more often than not, it produces results. Time is a great healer so make use of it for yourself and the relationship. And feel free to tap into any of my eBooks as they can help you infinitely more than I can here.

  7. Tina

    January 10, 2019 at 4:46 am

    Hi Chris,
    Cutting a long story short, I met this guy in March 2018. I got pregnant a month later and had a termination. The guy really wanted me to have a termination and was really nasty to me. Also told me he had a girlfriend. Anyway after few months later in October, he contacted me asking if I would sleep with him and obv I said yes because I had feelings for him. So we slept with each other another 5 times or so. Anyway after a while I went away for work and he asked to meet up and I told him I wouldn’t be able to meet up til the following week. He didn’t respond. He had been ignoring me for over a month since end of November. Then I was getting really agitated so his birthday was only few days ago at the start of jan. I sent him a nice long message saying how kind he is and how I want him to have a nice day. He responded in the evening saying that my message meant a lot to him. So the next day I wasn’t expecting anything so I sent him another message saying hope it was a nice one and he said ‘it was thanks’ after I messaged saying ‘have a nice week at work’ and he addressed my name in a sweet way and said he hopes I do too. I actually don’t know what to do and where to go from here as he is unpredictable. It’s been two days I haven’t contacted him now. But did my birthday message to him really mean anything to him or did he just say it? Please help

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 11, 2019 at 12:52 am

      Hi Tina!

      I know the feeling…to tell your story properly, it would take many thousands of words. Same situation for me on this end. It took me 485 pages to write my eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. Its kinda like blue print to help people with an ex issue. Its wrong for you ex to have behaved in such a nasty way, when he should have been super supportive of you. I think right now the feelings are very jumbled up on both sides, though clearly he cares for you.

  8. Jen

    January 9, 2019 at 5:58 pm

    Hi

    I moved to be with my boyfriend after only a few months. Even though I’ve known him for eight years.
    One morning he woke up, told me something was missing and when I asked if things were ending he said yes. He then told me he realise she didn’t love me anymore. Even though he’d been talking about going on holiday and how mich he loved me the night before.

    I am trying to do NC but I’m struggling. He messaged today saying he took responsibility for his part in the relationship going wrong, and that he should’ve been more open about our issues. He still wants me to go to the theatre with him in two days. Even tho we broke up two days ago.
    Also we haven’t technically broken up, he’s asked for two weeks to clear his head. And we agreed not to message. Although he invited me over last night to support me because he knew I was hurting.

    I have no one else I know in this area and I’m really not coping.
    Does his text mean he’s regretting things or that he’s just admitting some fault.

    I really need some advice

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 10, 2019 at 1:48 am

      Hi Jen….I talk alot about the importance of your recovery in my Program. So lots of things for you to learn to help you along in that department. Also its wise to have an ex recovery plan to optimize your chances. Just take things slow and see how the next few days unfold to get a better read on what is going on in his head.

  9. Rai

    January 7, 2019 at 4:50 pm

    My ex and I broke up 2 months ago. We were together for 3 years but the last 6 months (at least) we were fighting a lot…. About stupid stuff until finally he left. I did a brief period of no contact and then we chatted whe he asked to come get some things he left. He said he’s not ready to jump back in. I understood. Then the holidays came and we saw eachother at a party. We hung out all night, then spent Christmas eve, into Christmas morning together. Same with New Years. On new years day he tells me a big part of him thinks I’m the one and we will be together but he still needs time. He is on a dating app and actively pursuing dates. I assume his time means looking for someone better and he didn’t deny this fact. He wants to make sure the decision to get back together is the right one. He also thinks I need more time to work on myself although he admitted seeing positive changes already. My question is should I back off and do no contact or should I remain in contact and keep building our connection?

  10. A

    January 3, 2019 at 10:53 pm

    Hello

    If my boyfriend asks to get back together or apologizes and wants to try a relationship again during the No Contact period, how should I reply? Can I just agree and move forward or should I make him apologize or wait before we move forward.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 3, 2019 at 11:03 pm

      It really depends on many factors…how far along you are in NC. How long you were together. How strong the relationship was. I get into all this in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”

  11. Marie

    January 3, 2019 at 5:22 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I haven’t been in contact with my ex boyfriend in over two months. A month after he broke up with me, he got into a relationship that looked pretty serious, however it is now clear it was a rebound. Last night I received three messages from him. I had a look at his Facebook and saw they had only broken up ten minutes ago. I was really hurt and angry that he’d message me so quickly, and I don’t wish to reply. However I don’t want to wait too long before I reply, as it has already been approximately 60 days. I was thinking about waiting another month so I can continue to work on myself even more, or could this make my situation worse?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 3, 2019 at 11:08 pm

      Seldom is is wrong to make time for yourself to improve those things that make you a better version of yourself.

  12. Anon

    January 2, 2019 at 2:31 pm

    Hi I don’t want to state my name on here but I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Beginning of December he told me he wanted us to have a break as he had feelings for another girl. I acted psycho but after advice from friends I initiated NC for two weeks. We eventually made plans to spend Christmas together (he still hasn’t told his family we have broken up) and I spent a whole week at his. He was messaging another girl the whole time and I was trying to hide my jealously but he knew as my face gives it away. When I was at his he was treating me as if we had never broken up (cuddling, kissing me and even joking with me). When I went to leave his he gave me a kiss goodbye and told me he would talk to me, I got home and we were talking but then the next day he blanked me and told me that he will talk to me just not every second of the day and will reply when he wants to (he was active for a whole hour before he replied). I’m fed up of the hot and cold so have him a choice to either commit to me and work on our relationship or to have me out of his life for good. He told me ‘I guess out of my life’ when asked why he told me he isn’t committed to me and don’t see the point in trying. We have a holiday booked in May (last payment is February) should I initiate NC for 30 days? Or is it pointless? I really do want him back, but the way his being I see my chance being very little.

  13. Renee

    January 2, 2019 at 4:02 am

    Hi Chris,

    I was wondering – if my boyfriend contacts me saying he wants to get back together or wants to apologize, how should I respond?

    So far we’ve been 3 days NC and the only contact after a very long and messy breakup conversation has been to tell him that I am not interested in being “friends” with him and not to contact me if he doesn’t want to be together.

    I’m planning on 30 days NC, but he has historically been very hot and cold, when we got together he started things then ended them after a week 3 times in a row, with less time in between each before actually starting our relationship… I’m preparing for him to not say anything, but also would be unsurprised if a week from now he wants me back… I just don’t know how to reply!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 2, 2019 at 5:35 am

      Hi Renee!

      Probably best to stay the course. Exceptions can be made but then we are getting into a complicated topic. But I wrote an eBook that covers that as well. Its called, “The No Contact Rule Book”….245 pages long that helps you with understanding A-Z!

  14. Daniel

    December 27, 2018 at 3:16 am

    Hi Chris…
    My ex and I have been separated 8 months, been together 6 years with 2 kids together… Not gonna lie, we have issues to work on but she says she wants to rebuild our relationship and me to eventually come home, however she’s constantly hot and cold… I was thinking of trying limited contact, only hanging out with the kids for awhile without her, etc… Basically just create a little space between us while still focusing on the kids of course… suggestions???

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 27, 2018 at 3:40 am

      Hi Daniel!

      That can work….limited contact has its applications when kids are involved. The Being There approach might be an option as well, but go with creating some space for now. Send me a bit more detailed summary of your situation via my Contact Us Form (link at the top menu on each website page) and I can go into more detail about the Being There method and some other resources you might want to consider.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 27, 2018 at 3:40 am

      Hi Daniel!

      That can work….limited contact has its applications when kids are involved. The Being There approach might be an option as well, but go with creating some space for now. Send me a bit more detailed summary of your situation via my Contact Us Form (link at the top menu on each website page) and I can go into more detail about the Being There method and some other resources you might want to consider.

  15. Ellie

    December 26, 2018 at 3:42 am

    Hi Chris, my ex and I (both in mid 20s) mutually broke up 2 yrs ago because we couldn’t do long distance indefinitely (met in the US, dated for 6 months, and then he moved back to Europe to finish school). We went through a ~10m no contact period until he reached out on my birthday. We’ve been talking since and Skyped for the first time since we broke up. We haven’t emotionally moved on from each other even though I’ve dated other people and he’s had casual flings but no relationships since me. Distance is still a factor so should I bring up no contact with him again? I don’t want to lose him or use ultimatums, but I feel it’s useless to keep talking even though I enjoy being in touch again if he misses me but doesn’t feel like he “needs” to be with me. What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 26, 2018 at 3:58 am

      Hi Ellie!

      If you the two of you are talking and things are relatively positive in how you are speaking to each other, then I would not institute no contact. Just continue to build upon the positive communication

  16. Shen

    December 26, 2018 at 12:55 am

    Hey Chris,
    So my ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago for the first time since our 1 year 11 mths relationship. We were engaged but not living together because we didn’t want to do that before marriage, although I visited some nights and slept over on occasions. We were happy, spent alot of time together. We do not live far from each other, maybe 7 minutes drive apart. He lives alone and I live my folks. He is 24 and I am 30. In September I found out he was cheating. We argued and he promised to change but he had already lied too many times about the 2 women he was having the affairs with so I didn’t believe that he was genuinely sorry. I ended up getting close to a male colleague of his and slept with the guy. My ex followed me and caught us. He dumped me after we fought. He refused to communicate with me, blocked me in social media, is always angry when I try to contact him, embarrasses me infront of others if I approach him, tells people what I did and how he caught me, and swears he doesn’t want me back ever. But I want him back. I begged already. Now I want to start no contact. But I fear he is gone forever. What should I do?? I made a stupid mistake. I should have tried to work with him to fix things when he was willing. Now he hates me. He still didn’t call for me to collect my things. Last night I dropped off an Xmas gift at his friend to deliver to him and he accepted the gift I was told. I was also told that after this morning when I went to see him and he threw me out of his place that he was crying when his friend went to see him. This friend is trying to get us back together and he says my ex is positive one time to get back with me but negative another time. He is still very angry and says that I shamed him. Please help me!!!!
    S.R.V

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 26, 2018 at 4:05 am

      Hi Shen!

      I think you should seriously think about starting no contact, but do it the way I talk about in my Program. I have tons of info on the site about it and I lay out a comprehensive ex recovery plan in my 485 page eBook, “EBR PRO”. There is much for you to learn so you can navigate this post breakup process!

  17. Sans

    December 25, 2018 at 4:32 am

    Hi Chris,
    My fiance of 4 years just left me 3 days back after a bad fight. Although this has been a pattern with him. After usually a bad fight. He breaks up and blocks me everywhere. These decisions of breakups are instantaneous. And the same happened 3 days back too. It was a fight cuz he thought I’m controlling (he was chilling with his friends while I was arguing about something with him on texts). He thinks I have problems when he is with his friends. I don’t agree with this but had we discussed it calmly instead of breaking up. I would definitely had made changes so he wouldn’t feel so going ahead.
    Anyway coming back to the point. He gave me the engagement ring more than a year back but our breakups have been consistent. This time it killed me more cuz we were at the verge of booking our wedding venue with our families involved. Almost all our breakups would follow up with me talking him out of it and showing some sense. Sometimes a short 1 week NC. But he always came around, agreed to the fact that he should not have broken up after he cooled down or whatever. And everything would be normal again. Now talking about our last fight, 3 days ago. After the break up, I did turn psycho for 1 full day. Begging him calling everyone he knows to get me to talk to him, mailing texting from different numbers. Apologizing. But I soon realized the damage I was doing to my dignity and stopped within a day. He had obviously blocked me everywhere.
    What really pinches me is me never leaving him for his gravest mistakes but he leaving me whenever I get on his nerve. For the record, I have never broken up with him. And he has done a lot of shit too. He was verbally abusive until 5 months back but I patiently worked it with him. I worked with him on his short comings for years. That’s how I deal with issues when I’m in love.
    Now another thing I want you to know is that even before we started dating almost 4 years back. I had told him I can’t shift my location city due to my career and family needs. Which he gladly accepted as he works from home. He himself proposed to shift to my city. We stay in cities 2 hours away flight wise. All these 4 years, he was okay with it. But just day before he left me a text saying he has decided that even if it does work out for us. He won’t shift to my city anymore and I should think about it and tell him if I want to be with him. And he very well knows it’s impossible for me.
    Now I really can’t give my city up for career reasons. Both of us live in the same country separated by 2 hours.
    Also this fight was not about the city. It was about something else altogether. And he seemed all excited to get married to me until the fight happened. I don’t know what suddenly changed. Or maybe he’s taking revenge. It hurts me to go through this again as I am already so insecured with his unstable mind. And this time our families were involved. Marriage was a few months away. He has been gaming online on PubG while I have sleepless nights crying. I have not spoken to him after that 1 psycho day. But it doesn’t even seem to matter. And it hurts me more. He playing pubG with his gang while I cry. Please help me out Chris. Please tell me what to do. How to get through to him. Also my location issue that suddenly came up. I am so so confused.

    PS – 3 years out of our 4 year relationship was not a long distance as I had taken a project in his city. But now since 8 months I’m back to mine. So it has been a long distance.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 25, 2018 at 11:41 pm

      So there is a lot going on here! Instead of getting into every question, I am going to advice you to pick up my epic long 485 page eBook, “EBR PRO” as there is so much there that can help you.

  18. Ocean

    December 23, 2018 at 7:15 pm

    Hi Chris, your advice is much appreciated.
    I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years about a month ago after a fight. I immediately regretted and contacted a week later and apologized…told him that I still love him and I miss him. He responded but very cold and standoffish. Another week past, I asked him if we could meet and talk but he didn’t respond. A week later, I asked him out for a movie which we both wanted to watch but he didn’t respond…so I haven’t contacted him since. I thought that NC could be the best thing to do.
    It’s been 3 weeks from my last contact, then last weekend he brought a girl to my best friend’s restaurant where we used to go all the time…my bestie immediately reported…he said that it didn’t look like they were a couple and could be a female friend however my ex has never been to my friend’s restaurant without me before so my bestie has thought that it is a bit strange seeing him there and with a lady friend! I got upset and messaged my ex straight away…asking him to be more considerate and not to bring the date to my best friend’s restaurant…I told him that it hurt my feelings. My ex responded immediately asking me how dumb I think he was to even think that he would bring a date to my friend’s restaurant and said that it was not a date but an old friend of his…he is not dating anyone and he asked me to come over to his place so that he can prove.
    I just asked him what he is trying to do and prove…he has been ignoring me for weeks…all I am asking for is to be considerate as he could have guessed that the word gets around to me and it would stir up my emotions.
    He has apologized over text saying that he can hand on heart say that she was an old friend of his and there’s nothing between them but he hates the thought of upsetting me nonetheless.
    He told me that he is leaving for 3 weeks Christmas holiday back to his country soon.
    Should I tell him that I love him still and want to talk things over before he leaves?
    I miss him every day.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 23, 2018 at 7:59 pm

      Hi Ocean!

      It seems you two already have some dialogue going on, so I see no reason why you can’t extend him best wishes for his trip.

  19. Rika

    December 19, 2018 at 8:56 am

    Hello,

    I have known my ex for around 6 years now, we broke up multiple times and I was the reason, I just didnt find him attractive at those previous times
    However, around half a year ago I talked to him again because I wanted him back, and it somehow went really well, I really do love him and he said he always loved me

    So we started going out together, but now he says stuff like he forces himself to see me sometimes,
    And yet he wanted to see me yesterday
    But when I talked to him about it again
    He said he regrets falling in love with me and it sucks to be in love. And that he wants me in his life.. I asked him “as a friend?” He said he doesn’t know.

    To add, he mentioned that he doesn’t want ME to end up with him and he is no good for me
    And he can’t be the person I want (he used to be a loving person)

    I don’t know what he means, and I think he is kind of confused about his feelings, so I decided to start the no contact rule to give him time to think about it

    This all happened yesterday
    However his birthday is soon and I don’t know whether I should message him or keep the no contact

    So I would like some advice.. and if possible to know what he means by saying all these weird stuff all of a sudden

    Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 20, 2018 at 2:58 am

      Hi Rika…so that is significant….6 years. It creates roots and that longevity usually comes into play later. It sounds like your ex was just acting out some of his pent up emotions and resentment. Clearly he is confused. IF you have started NC, then its best to stick with it. But it doesn’t seem like you have so give him some space, but lead with “kindness” in small doses. Eventually he will reflect that back to you.

  20. Sarah

    December 18, 2018 at 3:10 am

    Hi Chris,

    This is hard as my ex and I have already broken up twice already. Yet I still want him back… I got him back the first time…however this break up, I went pretty next level crazy on him and don’t think I can ever redeem myself. It’s impossible to get him back a second time round right? Especially when he has broken up both times? – particularly when I was obsessively contacting, begging and almost stalking…. My behaviour was psycho and I know it was….how can I redeem myself and make him come crawling back, when he essentially hates my guts and told me he never wants to see or speak to me again?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 19, 2018 at 2:32 am

      Hi Sarah!

      Take a look at my Program as it applies to the No Contact principle. It has a lot of elements in it that should apply, including things you should do for yourself to heal as you move forward.

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