One look around my website should be enough to tell you how important the no contact rule is.

I’ve even gone as far as calling in the foundation upon which every successful “get your ex back” strategy is built on.

However, I thought I’d change things up today and talk about a few of the situations where you need to avoid it because it won’t work.

So, I’m not only going to explain those situations to you but if you read this article, all the way to the end, I’m going to tell you about a specific text message you can receive that will actually allow you to break your no contact period early.

Sound exciting?

Let’s begin!

When To Not Use The No Contact Rule

There are three big things I’d like to cover in this article.

Some of them may sound familiar but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that some of them are completely new to you.

I’m also going to go against the grain of what is expected.

Over the years I’ve been dubbed as a huge proponent of the no contact rule.

(Make Sure You Read This Article For A Full Rundown Of What No Contact Is.)

And while I still believe it is one of the most effective strategies for getting an ex back I’m not going to back it up 100% of the time in every single situation especially when it stops working.

Here’s a list of those situations.

  1. You broke up with your ex and immediately regret your decision.
  2. You find yourself in a situation where the no contact rule won’t work
  3. You receive a very specific type of text message(s)

Let’s dissect!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Factor #1: You Broke Up With Your Ex And Immediately Regret Your Decision

This is probably the most shocking factor of the bunch.

After all, you are here because you regret how the breakup went down, right?

Well, I implore you to pay attention to every word in that sentence.

YOU BROKE UP with your ex and immediately regret your decision.

Most of the clients I work with are in situations where their exes have broken up with them.

I know there have been a lot of debates about this but I think there is a bit more power that goes to the person that breaks up with the other person.

Think of it like this.

It’s not always fair but if you were the one to break up with your ex you are in a bit of a power position and if you regret your decision you may find that implementing something like the no contact rule might set you back.

You may be wondering how I’ve come by this knowledge.

Well, believe it or not this is actually something that we’ve encountered in our private Facebook group.

We mistakenly recommended the no contact rule to a few women who found themselves in this rare position and watched as things fell apart and their exes moved on or became unresponsive.

Whoops.

One day my wife got the idea to take the opposite approach and recommend a more direct track by just simply asking the ex out for a cup of coffee and admit that a mistake was made with the breakup.

The results were a lot more positive.

Now, there is one thing I want to focus in on here.

Timing does matter.

Even if you did break up with your ex and regret your decision. The thing you also need to account for is how long it’s been since the initial breakup.

If it’s only been a few days or a week then that is usually fine.

If it has been a few months then that could be problematic.

In those cases you’d probably want to take a look at implementing a no contact rule.

To recap, here’s the ultimate wishlist for this no contact alteration.

  • You have to be the one that broke up with your ex
  • It has to be right after the breakup.
  • You need to apologize or tell your ex that you made a massive mistake
  • You need to invite your ex out for coffee or an activity of equal value

Factor #2: You Are In A Situation Where Literal No Contact Is Possible

Sometimes you are just in a difficult situation where the no contact rule simply isn’t possible.

Situations like this include,

  • Working with your ex
  • Living with your ex
  • Sharing children with your ex

I think you get the idea as there are definitely more situations than the ones listed.

One of the biggest misconceptions with the no contact rule is the fact that when you do it, it doesn’t matter if your ex gets angry.

I’ve written multiple times about anger and how sometimes it can be a positive thing but there is a difference between direct anger and indirect anger.

If you are purposefully ignoring your ex while living with them it’s not only going to make your ex angry but it will also kind of creep them out.

And then of course you have situations where you share children with your ex.

Inevitably you will need to communicate about the children at some point and that might be impossible to do during no contact, right?

So, is there some kind of other no contact rule you can use?

Actually yes, in situations like these I recommend that my clients implement a “limited no contact rule.”

I’ve written about that here.

But if you want a quick crash course I’d be happy to do that too.

Limited Contact: This is essentially the same thing as the no contact rule except you are permitted to respond to your exes when they contact you first and if you deem their contact important.

What is deemed important contact?

Obviously if your kid is getting rushed to the hospital and your ex is contacting you about that then it might be good to respond.

But what if your ex is telling you that they miss you.

Is that important enough to respond?

Well, that’s actually the perfect lead in to the next factor I’d like to discuss with you today.

Factor #3: You Receive Very Specific Types of Text Message(s)

Last year there was a member of our private Facebook group who was implementing the no contact rule.

(If you aren’t in our Facebook Group you can get access to it for free with a purchase of any of our products.)

She did something really interesting.

She actually charted everything that her ex texted her.

He texted some interesting things.

“You ok?”

“I miss you…”

“I think about you all the time.”

“I can’t get you out of my mind”

“I will never find anyone like you.”

“I stalk you on social media.”

“How do you smile?”

“How do you move on?”

She cited each one of these text messages as reasons that she cracked and broke her no contact rule.

All of these text messages are positive by nature.

Each has an underlying current of one person wanting another to want them.

But when you look at all of the text messages do you want to know the one thing that is missing in all of them?

An actual admission that he wants to get back together with my client.

Sometimes you’ll find the no contact rule works so well that you’ll get responses like the ones above.

Those are good responses but what you are really looking for are responses like these,

“I want to get back together”

“We shouldn’t have broken up”

“It was a mistake for me to leave you.”

“Being friends is BS”

“I need you as my girlfriend/fiance/wife/boyfriend/husband.”

Do you see the difference between responses way above and the responses here?

It’s kind of like wants versus needs.

Wants don’t always get people to take action.

Needs do.

And what is the difference between wants and needs?

Needs are simply a function of “wants” maturing.

Think about that.

What to Read Next

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I Messed Up The No Contact Rule

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The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)

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107 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule May Not Work”

  1. Avatar

    Savannah

    March 13, 2021 at 2:02 pm

    Hey I’m needing some help. I was with this guy for almost 8-9 months. We just broke up 5 days ago. I started no contact 3 days after we broke up. He give me three chance and I messed up thoses three time one was I cheated on the begin of the relationship but he forgive me, the second one is I broke it off because I saw some thing that bothered me, the third one is that he give me a ring and I got scared because I started fallin really hard for this guy and I ran but the second and third time I broke it off I stood by his side and never left. And one day I guess he had enough and told me it was over and he was done forever. But he wants to keep our streak on Snapchat and text here and there. But sense I started no contact I broke our streak on Snapchat and he hasn’t sent me anymore snaps sense then, then the 4 day one of his friends decided to follow me on Snapchat and I ignored it and blocked him. Is there any possible way he is gonna come back? Will no contact work in my situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 8, 2021 at 9:00 pm

      Hey Savannah, yes NC can work in your situation but it is important that you follow the rules correctly, read articles for you to understand what you need to do when we say become Ungettable. And prepare your first reach out text to your ex for the end of your NC period

  2. Avatar

    Ann

    February 26, 2021 at 11:29 pm

    Hi. I have been with him for 7 months…no agruments. He proposed to me last month. Up until one week ago, he was still saying he loves me but now he wants to break up because he said that he could love me as much as I love him.

    What do I do? I love him so much.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2021 at 9:48 am

      Hi Ann, so you need to pull back and give him some space it sounds as if things got serious too soon. Let him have some time without you and stick with no contact to let him see that you are not dependant on him.

  3. Avatar

    George

    February 20, 2021 at 7:27 pm

    Hi, I feel that I have a unique situation and I was wondering if I could get some advice on what course of action I need to take for my situation, please reply if you are able to provide an answer.

    Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 23, 2021 at 4:24 pm

      Hi George, you can post your situation here and I can advise best I can with what information you give 🙂

  4. Avatar

    Kindra

    February 13, 2021 at 8:26 am

    My ex boyfriend dumped me a week ago. It came out of no where. Just the night before he way saying we were good. Also asked me to go indoor rock climbing the next morning.

    Later that night I rang him to ask why he never showed up to mine. He then proceeds to break up with me over the phone. Saying how he is just to busy with things at the moment, quitting his job and starting a new business, fixing finances with his ex wife, he also went on about my insecurities that showed with his ex wife. That he realised he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I was in shock and mentioned back angrily. I gave you and exception and a chance even though you were separated. You should of never gotten involved with me if you were not ready. I thought I was! I then stated that is what all separated men say. Then said this is done. Don’t ever call me again.

    I didn’t mean that and ever since, even after apologising for acting the way I did at the end of that phone call he has not replied to any texts or voicemails at all. Just left baffled at what happened and what brought on the 180 and he ending it, when just the night before he was saying we were good and even asked me out the next day.

    I started no contact yesterday. Have I completely blown it? He should understand how upset I got after hearing that news, how emotional and all over the place a girl gets over a break up.

    It never even got brought up before this that he was concerned about my insecurities. I don’t know why we couldn’t just talk through what our concerns were and work things out.

    Not sure what to do but just start no contact…

  5. Avatar

    Anna

    January 18, 2021 at 5:37 am

    If the situation is complicated – long distance, never met due to restrictions, but it was intimate and future plans being made. Over a year long. Stress became a factor, and his ex returned home (for a brief three to four week period, she leaves soon) to which he became shut off, confused feelings, and could no longer make promises (his words). Would no contact in this situation be helpful or hinder? We’ve spoken every single day since we’ve “met”. Recently we don’t speak, just a quick good night. If this would be helpful, how do I end our communication to leave him not afraid to reach out if/when he’s ready? Or should I cut my losses and walk away?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2021 at 9:19 pm

      Hi Anna, yes this could work but you need to be sure that you use your social media accounts to show you are doing well and not upset about the fact that he has let you down.

  6. Avatar

    Debbie

    January 6, 2021 at 4:11 pm

    Good Morning. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years about a month ago. I found text messages where he was actively pursuing another woman for three months although she didn’t seem interested. I was devastated because I thought he was faithful. He denies it all and says they are just friends.
    Should I implement no contact with him? He’s texted me holiday greetings and I responded accordingly.
    Thank you for your help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 6, 2021 at 8:18 pm

      Hi Debbie, if you want him back then yes you need to go into a No Contact and follow it for 30 / 45 days depending on what you feel you need. Be sure to read more articles to understand how the program works while in your No Contact too

  7. Avatar

    jerry

    November 30, 2020 at 4:41 am

    Good evening Chris,
    Five days ago I broke up with my girlfriend. She had been cold and distant for about a month. Her texts would be short and did not show any affection at all anymore. Saying things like “what’s up”, “Wyd”, and “cool”. Very unusual considering she used to use pet names and be much more affectionate. She said she still liked me and wanted to be in a long term relationship with me according to previous conversations. Had not stayed at my apartment for a month and a half while I stayed at her parents house a couple of times a week. However, up until the break up we had not spent time together for two weeks. I had asked a three times to spend time together, but was too busy and cancelled for two of the times. Eventually she made a false accusation that I had checked out her friend one time when we were hanging out together and told me she wasn’t going to talk to me anymore. So I said “sounds good” and “please don’t talk to me anymore”.. After four days of not talking to her I decided that I wanted to talk after lots of pleading on her end. I invited her over to my apartment to talk about our relationship. She came over, but instead just got mad at me the whole time for ignoring her for the four days that I used to think about things instead of acknowledging the fact that she had been so distant. I told her where the door was and she asked me twice if we were going to make things work after she got mad at me. I said no both times. She texted immediately after and called me saying I was rude for not walking her out. Since then she texted me a “happy thanksgiving”, but that is it. I replied and said the same. Nothing else though. I feel like I had been emotionally manipulated and gaslighted a ton towards the end of the relationship. But for whatever reason I still miss her a lot and can’t stop thinking about her. I am wondering if I should follow through with no contact even though I broke up with her. I blocked her on all social media, but did not block her phone number.

    Towards the end of the relationship I felt like everything I did was wrong. Was criticized for everything and felt like I was walking on egg shells because I could not share anything that didn’t sit right with me. Why am I so addicted to this toxic behavior? lol

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 30, 2020 at 11:53 am

      Hi Jerry, i agree that this sounds like a toxic relationship and she has gaslighted you at the end! Stick with your NC for at least 45 days longer if needed, but you do need to be really sure if you want to be back with this person. I would suggest moving on considering how she didn’t take account for her own short comings, and then to blame you for the whole situation shows you what type of person she really is. The decision has to be yours on what you want to do and I can advise you either way if you need me to 🙂

  8. Avatar

    Caitlin

    October 20, 2020 at 7:03 am

    Hi Chris,

    I’ve just come out of a 4 year on-off relationship involving numerous breakups – I lost count around the 12 mark. All these breakups occurred during fights – we didn’t argue often. These were most often because I felt taken for granted and he either pulled the plug or I did but only because he failed to even try resolve issues.

    The latest breakup happened and he, once again, apologised and said, ‘I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.’ This time, unlike previous times when I wrote letters, arrived at his door, texted and asked to try again before him rejecting me and then later coming back to ask if we can try, I did not seek him out. After 3 weeks, he sent several texts asking to talk because he made a mistake. I agreed and we decided to try, this time he promised to go to therapy with me. Anyway, he tried to revert back to normal, but I told him I needed time because I was so hurt and felt betrayed. He then ignored me. I knew when I spoke to him on the phone that he had become ambivalent and was distanced. A week later he sent me a text to say:
    ‘I hope you’re well. I’ve been non-stop thinking this week and I just think we should follow our heads. I just think it will happen again. I’m so sorry for putting you through this again, it was not my intention. I think we both know this is right but the feelings we have for each other makes it so hard. Please understand where I’m coming from. I just can’t hurt you again.’

    My immediate reply:
    ‘To be honest, I’d already decided not to try. [Lying and hurt!!] I now know what I want abs what I won’t tolerate. I deserve someone who loves me and is committed to me 100%. That’s never been you and it never will be you. Good luck with everything.’

    Later that evening I sent my final text:
    ‘Don’t contact me EVER again. I’m making sure to block you everywhere this time. You’ve taken enough from me.’

    I then blocked him everywhere. Unfortunately I made the mistake of unblocking him briefly on Instagram and noticed that he’s been posting videos all of a sudden of him riding his new motorbike and I saw a video of him kayaking with some girl – skanky – that he met when he did his learners. I’m devastated! It’s been over 5 weeks since the last message.

    I keep hoping that he’s going to seek me out, but I think that it’s highly unlikely given what I said in my texts.

    What do I do? Any objective insight would be greatly appreciated.

    Kind regards,
    Caitlin

    PS: We had a really good relationship but he blows hot and cold, and I walked on egg-shells to avoid conflict at times.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 22, 2020 at 8:51 pm

      Hi Caitlin, if you are walking on egg-shells in a relationship – it is not a good relationship. That is one thing you need to realise. This is not a healthy relationship to have. As for wanting him back, based on the fact you admitted to feeling that you were on edge with him. I would say that you need at least 45 days in no contact where you focus on yourself and what you want from a relationship and a partner (not from him personally) Then when you have this list of expectations, you can use this to compare to him, and others you meet. If they do not reach the expectation, then they are not the one for you. Read Chris’ articles about working on your Holy Trinity and being Ungettable and do the work for yourself, to be the best version of yourself and know your worth!

  9. Avatar

    Jamie

    October 15, 2020 at 2:20 pm

    Hi, So my ex Girlfriend broke up with me back in end of December 2019. We have not been together since, i have been living there and messaging her etc since we split and i have tried to sort/ fix things but at times i have made it worse.

    We have a child together and was together for 5 years as well.
    I really love her a lot and still want to be with her now still i feel we good together but was my fault we split due to my actions.

    Is it to late for me to initiate the no contact rule? i have just recently been kicked out from hers for being to needy and asking about getting back together.

    Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2020 at 5:18 pm

      Hi Jamie, now is the perfect time to start following the limited no contact, where you only speak about your child and nothing else

  10. Avatar

    Anna

    September 24, 2020 at 10:42 pm

    We didn’t really broke up but he told me about a situation and say that we can’t get married. And it’s better if we start to be away from each other or just stay in contact just as a friend.
    I don’t want to stay away from him. I really love him and want to be with him same as we were before.
    I started to not calling him and not to sending messages to him. But he sent msg already after two days and say “hello” n I didn’t replied and then after few minutes he said “I miss you” but I didn’t replied because I don’t know what to say. I just cried.
    Now he posted some emotional story on insta to feel me guilty. Like I am the one who don’t want to be with him.
    I don’t know what to do?
    Is it working or he will just forgets me due to his anger?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 12, 2020 at 10:27 am

      Hi Anna, if you want a future with this guy knowing that you will not be married, and are happy to accept that future then you can use the program to get him back. If you feel that you can not be his friend then stay with no contact indefinitely until you are over him. I would suggest that, if you want to get him back, your NC period needs to be 30 days of solid no contact, this includes not watching his social media and stories etc. So you would need to start again from day one.

  11. Avatar

    kay

    September 13, 2020 at 7:19 am

    Hi, I’m not sure if my situation is an exception because we both agreed on 30 days of no contact after the split. I believe he thinks I’m the one to blame for us breaking up but I have already apologised. My ex said the no contact was so that we both would move on and heal from the breakup but I actually want to get back with him. I tried pleading and begging once but he insisted on us separating. Should i just follow the 30 day of no contact then reach out? Or should i just wait until he texts me. At first we agreed on being friends after the no contact period but I am so scared that by the time he texts me he would have already moved on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 30, 2020 at 6:37 pm

      Hi Kay if you want to follow the program then you need to reach out after 30 days, but make sure you are working on yourself and your Holy trinity in that time

  12. Avatar

    Paul Foster

    September 11, 2020 at 8:56 am

    Can I ask you a question? My situation I believe is unique

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 11, 2020 at 7:43 pm

      You can post your question here and I can try to help you yes. If you are looking for one to one advice then consider coaching 🙂

  13. Avatar

    Sarah

    July 30, 2020 at 12:16 pm

    Four days ago I broke up with my LDR bf of 3 yrs because covid was preventing us from seeing each other and I was becoming jealous and not myself. I immediately regretted my decision and reached out to him the next day to apologise and asked if we can be back together.

    He said he loves me and wants to be with me more than anything but things can’t just go back to the way they were. He says he couldn’t sleep or eat after the break up and that I really hurt him and that we need time to work on ourselves. He says he will always love me but thinks we should be friends for now, and that it would be really difficult to just not talk to me so if we could please stay friends.

    I agreed, and since then we’ve been talking with the same frequency as before, lots of banter and humor, just without the I love yous or other romantic expressions. Even though I’m going along, this is hard and I find myself feeling rejected while still wanting him and that hurts. I’m just holding my emotions in and trying to see him as a friend. But it’s really hard. Should I go no contact in this situation where I messed up? What should I do if I want there to be a chance for us to get back together? He honestly didn’t do anything wrong. I just let covid cabin fever and loneliness get to me and I regret it so much.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 2, 2020 at 9:32 am

      Hi Sarah, you would need to go into a no contact and start following the program if you wanted this to work for you. Being his friend and talking to him all the time is not going to get him back

  14. Avatar

    David

    July 22, 2020 at 5:06 am

    So I broke up with my girlfriend early july. I did immediately regret it. I noticedbthat I had become attached and obviously wanted it more than her. We had gotten to the point where she was pulling away from me so much that I didn’t know what to do. So after breaking it off, I sent her a marco polo explaining that I didn’t want this and the stress with covid and not being able to see her took a toll. Keep in mind she is a high risk. She responded saying we can get together and talk about things. I said I had done and said things that were not intended and that I need time to figure things out. That is when I started a no contact period. During this time I’ve worked on self growth and understanding relationships and what women want. I realized I had made a ton of classic mistakes duting our time together. It’s been almost 3 weeks. I feel it has been long enough for us and a good time to reestablish contact. Just wanted your thoughts on this. Thanks.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 12:26 pm

      Hi David, I would suggest that you stick to the plan and reach your 30 day mark before reaching out to her for the first time, and also be sure that you use one of Chris reach out suggestions so that you can get a conversation going about something she is interested in and that will make your first reach out a positive one

  15. Avatar

    Jennifer

    July 14, 2020 at 11:43 am

    I don’t know if no contact is the right choice for my situation. We were supposed to be a random hook up but really connected well. 3 months later- he has a toothbrush at my house, texting daily etc. Everything from communication to natural chemistry was ON POINT. Then his ex (the one that got away .. ugh) added him on Snap. We both knew he’d want to explore that and I declined to be a back up plan or option. It’s been 6 days since the break up. 4 days since our last communication which was me telling him that unless he knows he made a mistake to leave me alone. I miss him terribly and want him back ‍♀️

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 14, 2020 at 4:32 pm

      Hi Jennifer, yes No Contact is definitely right for you as he has grass is greener syndrome. You need to follow a 45 day NC and then start the being there method

  16. Avatar

    Sanje

    April 28, 2020 at 5:00 pm

    We were in a 3.5 months old relationship. Everything was going pretty great. Even the night before breakup he sent me goodnight and kisses and hearts on his own. Literally not a single argument. But because of Covid19 we were not able to meet for a month now. So he wakes up next day and says he wants to end things between us, on text message, which is weird because he hated texting and always told me that Calling is the mode everyone should use to discuss important matters. So I convince him to talk to me and ask him what happened so suddenly and he said it has nothing to do with me. It is just that he wants to be alone. And I have to believe it because there was literally nothing wrong between us two. No clingy behavior, jealousy or misunderstanding. I had learnt enough about break ups to know that the more I push for reason, the more closed he will become mentally. So I agreed for break up and I have been on absolute no contact from then. Today is 8th day of no contact and break up too. So do you think I can expect him to come back? This is not about his ex returning or anything because she is happily married. One night he was sending kisses and hearts. Next morning he wanted to break up. What is wrong with men these days?

  17. Avatar

    N. C

    April 17, 2020 at 9:49 am

    Hi,

    I am not sure if my case is that relevant to this post but i would like to have an opinion on this. I am currently seeing a guy and we started of very well. But since we cannot see each other much during the COVID period, he starts to be a bit distance. I mentioned this to him a couple of times and he said he will work on it. But each time, it just gets more difficult. And end up with me trying to fix it and him saying he will try his best to improve. Until recently, there is an incident that helps me realise that he was on a Tinder and was actually talking to some girls. He admitted using tinder but not recently. He said he used it months ago but I received an anonymous texts that he was talking to someone as recent as a couple of weeks. I know we just started dating and we just agree to be exclusive but what I do not like is that he is lying to me. I seriously am ready to let things go if he would just admit to me that he used Tinder recently and apologize. So i sent him a text saying that all the things he is telling me does not make sense and if he could not tell me the truth then perhaps we should not talk for a while.

    Now i have 2 thoughts in my head, am I overeacting since we are not in a relationship or shall i continue with this no contact rule and see if he really cares he will try to contact me back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2020 at 9:44 pm

      Hey there so as you are not in a relationship you cant really be annoyed you are not in contact, what you can do is take a step back and allow him to show you the amount of effort he is willing to put into talking to you during this time and you do the same. Do not chase him, and the more you gnat him to talk to you more the less he is going to want to talk to you

  18. Avatar

    Jill

    March 13, 2020 at 12:45 am

    Thanks Shaunna, i am trying to work on myself, im just worried its coming up to the end of the no contact period and im not there yet with myself. Also i know theres gonna be no problem with getting him talking to me, that was never an issue, he wants to be friends, he was never annoyed with me or needed space, he wanted to continue talking to me as if nothing happened, he wants to be friends and chat but i just dont want that, i want more and i dont want him to get comfortable with the idea we can be just friends. I mean i feel like itll just end up with us as friends as soon as no contact finishes and i allow conversation again. do you know what i mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 3:34 am

      Hi Jill I do but you definitely could do with the full NC before attempting to be friends let alone more

  19. Avatar

    Jill

    March 11, 2020 at 1:36 pm

    Hey, ive written in the comments section in one or two of the other blogs but im just struggling. Ive been avoiding contact with ex who i work closely with, its hard but ive been doing ok with just short yes/no or essential work info, eventhough i feel he probably is more annoyed by it because me closing up and not talking was big reason for his decision to cease things qith me. Anyway, ive been doing no contact at work and outside of work but he keeps trying to be friendly and ask me about stuff we used to talk about like video games and stuff, im giving him short answers but i feel like im breaking no contact. I also dont qant him to think we can just be friends, because he thought we could me and i said no after break up. I dont know what to do, im tired and im trying to work on myself in the meantime but i feel like im just going wrong in every sense 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 2:08 pm

      Hey Jill if you are working on yourself then you are not going wrong! When you complete No Contact it takes time to see what works to get your ex talking to you again and how you are going to rebuild your connection. Youre doing great and if you feel you need to take a step back from being tired then you do that. Self love is most important

  20. Avatar

    Kay

    December 30, 2019 at 7:15 pm

    Hello!
    I’ve been on and off with my boyfriend for about 3 months now. We stayed together for a year then he suddenly started being distant, then we would get back together for a week and then he’d start being distant again and call things off again.
    Two months after the biggest breakup, out of the blue he came under my house and apologized and wanted to fix things so badly, only to lost interest again a week later. Not only that, while we were still talking, some friends posted a story of him sitting in a comfortable position with another girl he always had a crush on.
    I blocked him and we had a fight and he refused to admit himself doing anything wrong because he insisted they were just friends. He did not bother fight for me.
    Now, just a week later, I know from a common friend that he doesn’t care to fix things and he has completely moved on.

    I know you’re going to tell me he is toxic and to move on as well, but the year we were together was nothing near this behavior he’s been adopting lately and I just don’t understand anymore why he has changed so much and how to bring back the person I fell for in the very beginning.

    How do I get him back, for good, to the way the relationship was before all this mess happened.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 4:53 am

      Hi Kay, I would look up a local couples therapist and see if you could go speak with them when you are with him and sort through the issues that cause you to break up all the time. In the mean time I would follow a No Contact and work on yourself for some time, even if its just learning how to communicate in a relationship or how to improve factors in your life that you are not happy with at the moment

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