One look around my website should be enough to tell you how important the no contact rule is.

I’ve even gone as far as calling in the foundation upon which every successful “get your ex back” strategy is built on.

However, I thought I’d change things up today and talk about a few of the situations where you need to avoid it because it won’t work.

So, I’m not only going to explain those situations to you but if you read this article, all the way to the end, I’m going to tell you about a specific text message you can receive that will actually allow you to break your no contact period early.

Sound exciting?

Let’s begin!

When To Not Use The No Contact Rule

There are three big things I’d like to cover in this article.

Some of them may sound familiar but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that some of them are completely new to you.

I’m also going to go against the grain of what is expected.

Over the years I’ve been dubbed as a huge proponent of the no contact rule.

(Make Sure You Read This Article For A Full Rundown Of What No Contact Is.)

And while I still believe it is one of the most effective strategies for getting an ex back I’m not going to back it up 100% of the time in every single situation especially when it stops working.

Here’s a list of those situations.

  1. You broke up with your ex and immediately regret your decision.
  2. You find yourself in a situation where the no contact rule won’t work
  3. You receive a very specific type of text message(s)

Let’s dissect!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Factor #1: You Broke Up With Your Ex And Immediately Regret Your Decision

This is probably the most shocking factor of the bunch.

After all, you are here because you regret how the breakup went down, right?

Well, I implore you to pay attention to every word in that sentence.

YOU BROKE UP with your ex and immediately regret your decision.

Most of the clients I work with are in situations where their exes have broken up with them.

I know there have been a lot of debates about this but I think there is a bit more power that goes to the person that breaks up with the other person.

Think of it like this.

It’s not always fair but if you were the one to break up with your ex you are in a bit of a power position and if you regret your decision you may find that implementing something like the no contact rule might set you back.

You may be wondering how I’ve come by this knowledge.

Well, believe it or not this is actually something that we’ve encountered in our private Facebook group.

We mistakenly recommended the no contact rule to a few women who found themselves in this rare position and watched as things fell apart and their exes moved on or became unresponsive.

Whoops.

One day my wife got the idea to take the opposite approach and recommend a more direct track by just simply asking the ex out for a cup of coffee and admit that a mistake was made with the breakup.

The results were a lot more positive.

Now, there is one thing I want to focus in on here.

Timing does matter.

Even if you did break up with your ex and regret your decision. The thing you also need to account for is how long it’s been since the initial breakup.

If it’s only been a few days or a week then that is usually fine.

If it has been a few months then that could be problematic.

In those cases you’d probably want to take a look at implementing a no contact rule.

To recap, here’s the ultimate wishlist for this no contact alteration.

  • You have to be the one that broke up with your ex
  • It has to be right after the breakup.
  • You need to apologize or tell your ex that you made a massive mistake
  • You need to invite your ex out for coffee or an activity of equal value

Factor #2: You Are In A Situation Where Literal No Contact Is Possible

Sometimes you are just in a difficult situation where the no contact rule simply isn’t possible.

Situations like this include,

  • Working with your ex
  • Living with your ex
  • Sharing children with your ex

I think you get the idea as there are definitely more situations than the ones listed.

One of the biggest misconceptions with the no contact rule is the fact that when you do it, it doesn’t matter if your ex gets angry.

I’ve written multiple times about anger and how sometimes it can be a positive thing but there is a difference between direct anger and indirect anger.

If you are purposefully ignoring your ex while living with them it’s not only going to make your ex angry but it will also kind of creep them out.

And then of course you have situations where you share children with your ex.

Inevitably you will need to communicate about the children at some point and that might be impossible to do during no contact, right?

So, is there some kind of other no contact rule you can use?

Actually yes, in situations like these I recommend that my clients implement a “limited no contact rule.”

I’ve written about that here.

But if you want a quick crash course I’d be happy to do that too.

Limited Contact: This is essentially the same thing as the no contact rule except you are permitted to respond to your exes when they contact you first and if you deem their contact important.

What is deemed important contact?

Obviously if your kid is getting rushed to the hospital and your ex is contacting you about that then it might be good to respond.

But what if your ex is telling you that they miss you.

Is that important enough to respond?

Well, that’s actually the perfect lead in to the next factor I’d like to discuss with you today.

Factor #3: You Receive Very Specific Types of Text Message(s)

Last year there was a member of our private Facebook group who was implementing the no contact rule.

(If you aren’t in our Facebook Group you can get access to it for free with a purchase of any of our products.)

She did something really interesting.

She actually charted everything that her ex texted her.

He texted some interesting things.

“You ok?”

“I miss you…”

“I think about you all the time.”

“I can’t get you out of my mind”

“I will never find anyone like you.”

“I stalk you on social media.”

“How do you smile?”

“How do you move on?”

She cited each one of these text messages as reasons that she cracked and broke her no contact rule.

All of these text messages are positive by nature.

Each has an underlying current of one person wanting another to want them.

But when you look at all of the text messages do you want to know the one thing that is missing in all of them?

An actual admission that he wants to get back together with my client.

Sometimes you’ll find the no contact rule works so well that you’ll get responses like the ones above.

Those are good responses but what you are really looking for are responses like these,

“I want to get back together”

“We shouldn’t have broken up”

“It was a mistake for me to leave you.”

“Being friends is BS”

“I need you as my girlfriend/fiance/wife/boyfriend/husband.”

Do you see the difference between responses way above and the responses here?

It’s kind of like wants versus needs.

Wants don’t always get people to take action.

Needs do.

And what is the difference between wants and needs?

Needs are simply a function of “wants” maturing.

Think about that.

What to Read Next

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78 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule May Not Work”

  1. Avatar

    Sanje

    April 28, 2020 at 5:00 pm

    We were in a 3.5 months old relationship. Everything was going pretty great. Even the night before breakup he sent me goodnight and kisses and hearts on his own. Literally not a single argument. But because of Covid19 we were not able to meet for a month now. So he wakes up next day and says he wants to end things between us, on text message, which is weird because he hated texting and always told me that Calling is the mode everyone should use to discuss important matters. So I convince him to talk to me and ask him what happened so suddenly and he said it has nothing to do with me. It is just that he wants to be alone. And I have to believe it because there was literally nothing wrong between us two. No clingy behavior, jealousy or misunderstanding. I had learnt enough about break ups to know that the more I push for reason, the more closed he will become mentally. So I agreed for break up and I have been on absolute no contact from then. Today is 8th day of no contact and break up too. So do you think I can expect him to come back? This is not about his ex returning or anything because she is happily married. One night he was sending kisses and hearts. Next morning he wanted to break up. What is wrong with men these days?

  2. Avatar

    N. C

    April 17, 2020 at 9:49 am

    Hi,

    I am not sure if my case is that relevant to this post but i would like to have an opinion on this. I am currently seeing a guy and we started of very well. But since we cannot see each other much during the COVID period, he starts to be a bit distance. I mentioned this to him a couple of times and he said he will work on it. But each time, it just gets more difficult. And end up with me trying to fix it and him saying he will try his best to improve. Until recently, there is an incident that helps me realise that he was on a Tinder and was actually talking to some girls. He admitted using tinder but not recently. He said he used it months ago but I received an anonymous texts that he was talking to someone as recent as a couple of weeks. I know we just started dating and we just agree to be exclusive but what I do not like is that he is lying to me. I seriously am ready to let things go if he would just admit to me that he used Tinder recently and apologize. So i sent him a text saying that all the things he is telling me does not make sense and if he could not tell me the truth then perhaps we should not talk for a while.

    Now i have 2 thoughts in my head, am I overeacting since we are not in a relationship or shall i continue with this no contact rule and see if he really cares he will try to contact me back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2020 at 9:44 pm

      Hey there so as you are not in a relationship you cant really be annoyed you are not in contact, what you can do is take a step back and allow him to show you the amount of effort he is willing to put into talking to you during this time and you do the same. Do not chase him, and the more you gnat him to talk to you more the less he is going to want to talk to you

  3. Avatar

    Jill

    March 13, 2020 at 12:45 am

    Thanks Shaunna, i am trying to work on myself, im just worried its coming up to the end of the no contact period and im not there yet with myself. Also i know theres gonna be no problem with getting him talking to me, that was never an issue, he wants to be friends, he was never annoyed with me or needed space, he wanted to continue talking to me as if nothing happened, he wants to be friends and chat but i just dont want that, i want more and i dont want him to get comfortable with the idea we can be just friends. I mean i feel like itll just end up with us as friends as soon as no contact finishes and i allow conversation again. do you know what i mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 3:34 am

      Hi Jill I do but you definitely could do with the full NC before attempting to be friends let alone more

  4. Avatar

    Jill

    March 11, 2020 at 1:36 pm

    Hey, ive written in the comments section in one or two of the other blogs but im just struggling. Ive been avoiding contact with ex who i work closely with, its hard but ive been doing ok with just short yes/no or essential work info, eventhough i feel he probably is more annoyed by it because me closing up and not talking was big reason for his decision to cease things qith me. Anyway, ive been doing no contact at work and outside of work but he keeps trying to be friendly and ask me about stuff we used to talk about like video games and stuff, im giving him short answers but i feel like im breaking no contact. I also dont qant him to think we can just be friends, because he thought we could me and i said no after break up. I dont know what to do, im tired and im trying to work on myself in the meantime but i feel like im just going wrong in every sense 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 2:08 pm

      Hey Jill if you are working on yourself then you are not going wrong! When you complete No Contact it takes time to see what works to get your ex talking to you again and how you are going to rebuild your connection. Youre doing great and if you feel you need to take a step back from being tired then you do that. Self love is most important

  5. Avatar

    Kay

    December 30, 2019 at 7:15 pm

    Hello!
    I’ve been on and off with my boyfriend for about 3 months now. We stayed together for a year then he suddenly started being distant, then we would get back together for a week and then he’d start being distant again and call things off again.
    Two months after the biggest breakup, out of the blue he came under my house and apologized and wanted to fix things so badly, only to lost interest again a week later. Not only that, while we were still talking, some friends posted a story of him sitting in a comfortable position with another girl he always had a crush on.
    I blocked him and we had a fight and he refused to admit himself doing anything wrong because he insisted they were just friends. He did not bother fight for me.
    Now, just a week later, I know from a common friend that he doesn’t care to fix things and he has completely moved on.

    I know you’re going to tell me he is toxic and to move on as well, but the year we were together was nothing near this behavior he’s been adopting lately and I just don’t understand anymore why he has changed so much and how to bring back the person I fell for in the very beginning.

    How do I get him back, for good, to the way the relationship was before all this mess happened.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 4:53 am

      Hi Kay, I would look up a local couples therapist and see if you could go speak with them when you are with him and sort through the issues that cause you to break up all the time. In the mean time I would follow a No Contact and work on yourself for some time, even if its just learning how to communicate in a relationship or how to improve factors in your life that you are not happy with at the moment

  6. Avatar

    D

    December 5, 2019 at 10:47 pm

    Hello I need some advice please. Here’s the story: it’s been almost nine years since my ex and I started dating back in high school, we had a kind of co-dependant relationship in which I needed him for socialization and emotional support. At first I was rather cold and liked to be pursued by him, which he did passionately. I often ignored him or ridiculed him and started fights. Now I feel awful about that but the truth is I just didn’t love myself. As the years went by, he started to chase me less and less so I had to start to chase him a little instead. We “broke up” multiple times but he always came back to me. I often felt fed up with him and wished to be with other guys. In the last year or so I don’t really know what we were; we never officially broke up. We kept seeing each other but he demonstrated less interest every time. I was kinda ok with it. The other day I found out he’s going out with some girl and I LOST IT. Now I want him back so desperately that I feel my life would be over if I lose him. I texted him and told him that we should not speak for some time because it hurts and he told me to reach out if I needed to. What do I do??? I want him back again

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 10:31 pm

      Hi D, so if you want your ex back then you are going to have to do some work during your no contact and become the best version of yourself and then reach out in a friendly way to get a positive yet short conversation started between you and your ex

  7. Avatar

    Juan

    November 30, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    Hola Chris,

    I met my girlfriend on Tinder, hit it off on first date, fell madly in love over just 5/6 weeks of dating, the feelings appeared mutual. In fact, she was using me as a rebound (very intense intimacy to the point of passing out!) and I ended up love bombing her, because she came out of a long term loveless relationship, I had separated from a long term marriage, working towards a divorce. Add to this, interracial and 20 year age gap, male being older. She introduced me to her work colleagues, even parents. But her bestie was always emotionally blackmailing her out of jealousy… that’s how well we matched in every way… and then one day she broke up, blocked me everywhere. 2 month no contact just completed. Does this stuff work? If she’s an emo-girl-to-empath with daddy issues, and me being an ambitious alpha male? One month relationship, two month no contact. Do you think it’s over for good? Her parting words were, everything was so perfect, but we rushed it… Well, being 20 years older, I certainly didn’t feel like I was rushing it, infact I was confident and she was being poisoned by her selfish bestie… still, what do you think?

    Gracias, Juan

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 1:05 am

      Hi Juan, so what you need to take into consideration here is if her “best friend” doesnt like you then she is going to have an effect of how your ex girlfriend views you. Its called Sphere of influence. Now there is not much you can do at the moment as you are blocked everywhere apart from move on without moving on. And if she does unblock you do not reach out straight away so it doesnt look like you are waiting for her to do this. You can even leave it a while to see if she reaches out to you first. And if you do find you are talking again slow things down, there is no need to rush things if she scares are fast you need to respect that to an extent

  8. Avatar

    Charlotte

    October 30, 2019 at 5:49 pm

    Hey! i have a question about the No Contact Rule
    You see my boyfriend broke up with me on friday 25 of October, we have been togheter for almost a year (today would have been a year). And he said he couldn`t deal with the distance, he goes to a school which is 4 hours away from me and we can only see eachother druing one weekend a month plus some breakes he has. I do understand his feelings, but he has only been there for 2 months and he didn`t expresse his feelings about it beeing hard ever, he just showed up at my door and broke up. Now i am heartbroken and confused as to why he did it because he said he loves me, but couldn`t handel seeing me one weekend a month.
    We talked the day after and he told me he wants to stay friends, but that he needs time. He also said that we could keep in touch because he still cares for me and how im doing. So now a few days later we have not called eachother, but we send some Snapchats (not as often as before, and i only get dark pics or pics of his feet and i get that)
    I want him back, really bad. He is the best person i have ever met and my best friend.

    So my question: do i start the No Contact rule and break off our snapchat “contact” or do i keep the “contact” and hope for the best ?And in january i am actually going to his school for a soccer tornament (this was decided before our break up) so what do i do then if i do the NC?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 6:28 pm

      Hi Charlotte yes you go into No Contact everywhere even Snapchat, it means for 30 days NO CONTACT at all. By the time January comes you’ll be done with NC and hopefully texting as normal again and building rapport etc

  9. Avatar

    Mac

    August 20, 2019 at 7:49 am

    Hey Chris,

    I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years a week ago. I am in love with her and knew that when I broke up. You may wonder why I did that. Well we were in a long distance relationship, but it was only a temporary thing as she was planning to move to the country I am living in for work. The reason I broke it off was because she kept telling me she wasnt in love with me and that she didnt miss me at all, but did not want to leave me, I couldn’t understand this mind set. Not loving me is one thing and I could be ok with that as I understand it sometimes takes longer for a woman to fall in love and I could accept that in time that may change. What I couldn’t accept is that she didnt even miss me, that was the problem for me. I did not want to be in a relationship where my partner didnt even miss me after being apart for 3 weeks, so I left her. I do want her back desperately and I am going through the no contact phase currently from day 1. I did not beg for her back I just hung up the phone and have not spoken to her since. I want her to realise what its like without me. I fear that she didnt miss me during our time apart why would she start missing me now even with the no contact? I fear losing her for good.

  10. Avatar

    Jordan

    August 9, 2019 at 4:30 pm

    Hey my ex works at a bar and I want her back but going through the no contact steps. It’s been about 2 weeks of no contact and 3 weeks of breaking up. But it’s only bar in town and my buddy wants to grab a drink and go shoot some pool there. Is it ok just to have a drink there and shoot pool and not try to talk to her or could I just say hey you look great and leave it at that

  11. Avatar

    Leigh

    June 19, 2019 at 8:23 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I’ve implemented the no contact rule for the last week but am a bit confused. I initiated the break up but it was because he wanted space and has a lot of personal/family stuff going on right now so his head wasn’t in our relationship. He said he had lost feelings but I truly think it was because of everything else he had going on, and we had gone from seeing each other (in the company of friends mostly) everyday to moving far apart. So, I’m not sure whether I fall into the category of I broke up with him and shouldn’t use the no contact, or really the break up was because of how he felt (he just didn’t tell me until I questioned him) and so I should follow through with the no contact. We were long distance when we broke up.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 19, 2019 at 10:54 pm

      I think No Contact would be the right path for you. You should take a look at picking up my comprehensive Program – EBR PRO Bundle as it can help you throughout this post breakup period.

  12. Avatar

    Jacob

    May 29, 2019 at 5:48 am

    We got pregnant in August, happiest time of my life her life and I was so ready to be a father. As time went on something changed with me. It was all my fault. I lost my job and as a man I’m sure you know that it’s imbedded in our minds that we are supposed to be dominant and be able to provide for our families. I didn’t feel like that. I had to move back with my mom, I was scared of my step dad due to trauma from a younger age. I started missing appointments because I was working for him to have a place to live and was scared to stand up to him and be there for my family. I only saw my gf maybe once a week because I was so tired all the time. I started shutting down there. Then thanksgiving came around and I didn’t even invite her to thanksgiving because I hadn’t told my family that she was pregnant yet because I was scared what they would think because I lived with them and also didn’t have a job. We starting fighting more until one day I snapped broke up with her and completely shut down. I laid in bed for 2 weeks straight and didn’t do anything, until one day I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize who I was. I fell into a pit of depression, I left my gf pregnant and alone. I finally got the courage to get help. I tried to go back to her and she denied she says we can never get back together and she would rather keep going through this alone. She says she’s ready to move on and it’s all my fault. I was crushed by this and broke all the rules. I pushed to hard I tried to hard and it has just pushed her further away. I just want my family back. I thought at the time it was the best thing for both of us because I didn’t want to drag her down with me, I needed help and finally got the courage to help myself and now it sucks because I’m ready for everything, but it’s just reoccurring with her that I left her during pregnancy: alone, scared, and hopeless. It sucks because I have to see couples with kids or dads doing stuff with there newborns that I never get to do. I just don’t what to do anymore I just want my family back.

  13. Avatar

    Kelly

    May 28, 2019 at 8:30 pm

    My ex and I just broke up on Friday after 9 months of dating-I moved into his apartment. He explained he didn’t feel the love for me as he used to and said he see’s me as more of a friend and maybe things had moved too quickly although he stated I was the best thing that has ever happened to him (BS) and he can’t imagine me not in his life. Long story short the morning after we broke up I flew to my parents to get away. We have been speaking on the phone once a day on friendly terms but I have to go back now and move out of the apartment Wednesday and Thursday this week. I want to implement the NC but I think I need to get through this hard move out portion first. I do have my next plan of where to stay, etc. mapped out. I purchased your plan but feel my next steps may be crucial since I will still have to see him and he may still be questioning himself. I love him with all my heart and feel I may screw it all up if I get too emotional and he runs further..

  14. Avatar

    Essie

    May 19, 2019 at 6:31 am

    My ex and I broke up, we had an Long distance and everything went well but we started fighting and disagreeing and it’s been 3 months and he wanted to be friends but things went downhill because we both misunderstood – I broke up with him but I realised it was wrong, now he says he’s tired and knowing him the more I leave him be the more he wouldn’t really message. We have been dating for a year, we visited each other too. I messaged him to apologise but he didn’t wanna listen after, I still wanna work things out with him as I love him but he’s told my Friend he’s moved on but not to me.

  15. Avatar

    Soha

    May 18, 2019 at 8:38 am

    Hey. Me and my ex dated for almost 2 years. I dumped him but it was due to some family pressures. I had no intentions of cheating on him. Though I discussed a guy infront of him saying that he’s my crush but I was doing that to convince myself that I’m over him. It was the time of 3 months before I came back to him. But I explained him everything that whatever I did was never my intention. It was just the trauma that was making me do all that stupid things. He said that give me 3 months ( the equal time you were ot there) and I’ll commit to you. In those 3 months he was sending me mix signals. One day that we’ll end up together and one day that there’s no chance. We’ve kissed multiple times during this no contact. But when the time of 3 months was over he said that I fon’t want to commit. I am focused on my career and no hindrance is accepted. He understands that whatever I did was due to family trauma but he’s not ready to give our relationship another chance. I begged in front of him for almost 3 months and he says that this relationship thing and my drama is hurting him mentally so the last message that I sent him was ” I’ll never talk to you about relationship again because you don’t like it and whatever makes you happy, makes me happy and I respect your decision” since then we’re talking casually on a daily basis. He is absolutely focused on his career and don’t want to get into a relationship but he wants to be friends with me. And he text me on a regular basis asking me “hey whats up?” should I apply the no contact rule on my situation? Should I reply to his texts in no contact period? Also, what if he stops texting me back? Are there any signs of me getting him back?

  16. Avatar

    Soha

    May 18, 2019 at 8:30 am

    I dumped him but it was due to some family pressures. I had no intentions of cheating on him. Though I discussed a guy infront of him saying that he’s my crush but I was doing that to convince myself that I’m over him. But I explained him everything that whatever I did was never my intention. It was just the trauma that was making me do all that stupid things. He said that give me 3 months and I’ll commit to you. In those 3 months he was sending me mix signals. One day that we’ll end up together and one day that there’s no chance. We’ve kissed multiple times during this no contact. But when the time of 3 months was over he said that I fon’t want to commit. I am focused on my career and no hindrance is accepted. He understands that whatever I did was due to family trauma but he’s not ready to give our relationship another chance. I begged in front of him for almost 3 months and he says that this relationship thing and my drama is hurting him mentally so the last message that I sent him was ” I’ll never talk to you about relationship again because you don’t like it and whatever makes you happy, makes me happy and I respect your decision” since then we’re talking casually on a daily basis. He is absolutely focused on his career and don’t want to get into a relationship but he wants to be friends with me. And he text me on a regular basis asking me “hey whats up?” should I apply the no contact rule on my situation? Should I reply to his texts in no contact period? Also, what if he stops texting me back? Are there any signs of me getting him back?

  17. Avatar

    Jadamal

    May 14, 2019 at 4:25 pm

    Me and my ex were together for 11 months. We met May 5 and made it official on May 20. We broke up on May 1 right before our anniversary. From the beginning there was no secret that he wanted to marry me and I wanted to marry him. We were spiritually connected and over time he became my best friend. We went through a lot together in a year just with his business ventures, death, and family issues but I never once questioned my love and loyalty; I was always there. He was also there for me through all of my issues and family drama. Our families are also very connected to each other. My family and friends loved him and his family and friends loved me as well. Everyone saw how in love we were with each other and he also told his mom that they were going to shop for rings 2 weeks before our breakup. Fast forward to 2 weeks before our breakup, he meets a girl at his job. He’s very excited about her and he tells me all of her spiritual beliefs and convictions. I am excited as well because we don’t meet many our age with the same convictions. She invites him to an event on Friday that he tells me that he wanted to attend. I was like you should go and I’d like to go there as well. So I went down there and met her, she seemed cool but she kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I treated it as just my own insecurities and jealousy. But I usually don’t get that jealous. Well about a week later I can tell that he had a lot on his mind so I asked him what’s wrong. Long story short he wants to take a break to get his mind right. He says that he could come back and say that I’m the one or he could come back and say we should be friends. I didn’t like that, so we talked it out and squashed it and he says it was just fear. The following weekend was great! Everything was normal. We did talk it out and got a little understanding. We had so much fun together. We invested in his business that was going public 2 days later. Then the next day I noticed I was still having a little trust issues after the initial breakup. I talked to him about where I was at mentally. Then I asked him, “I don’t think I’m the one for you am I?” He couldn’t answer the question so that was my answer. I suggested that we broke up. I told him that the girl that he met might be a good catch and when I mentioned her name he lit up like a fire cracker like he used to do with me. A couple of days later I wanted to kind of reconcile because I felt like we broke up in a weird spot. So when I called him he told me that he’s actually been talking to the girl he met and how great she is. She’s a realtor, she owns a construction company, and wants to build communities in Africa. They are spiritually fit and they’ve been getting so many revelations from each other. Everything is natural and organic and they don’t have to try to be friends. I didn’t blow up. I told I was happy for him and left the conversation. I haven’t talked back to him since and he hasn’t reached out to me. I don’t think this is a rebound and I feel like I just wasted a year of my life with him. What do I do next?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 14, 2019 at 11:31 pm

      Hi Jadamal….it probably best for you to focus on “you”, your healing an personal growth. Time is the truth machine in matters like this and over time it will be clear whether this is a rebound he has fallen into. But you need not put your life on hold. There are many paths for you going forward and if he should emerge as a possibility in the future, then you can take it up then and give it consideration.

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    Nathalie

    May 6, 2019 at 12:23 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I really like your page, helps me a lot! But now you’re confusing me!!!
    I was in short term relationship with my ex – 6 weeks but it felt so great to start. he broke up cause he was/is confused, not certain of his feelings and personal issues.
    We broke up like 4 weeks ago he cannot stay more than 1 week without contacting me!! He is still hesitant… I just move on without moving on as you suggest in another post.
    Now here’s my question: imagine he regrets his decision like you mention in this post… I am the dumpee… if I apply NC here, am I not ruining our chances to come back together?
    So today he sent me a message trough whatsapp, cause i changed my profile pic and he just sent: beautifull pic. So I friendly send Thank you.
    But if I have to follow NC i should not answer….
    Confusing again

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2019 at 3:29 pm

      Hi Nathalie….No Contact is an adaptable strategy, so if you are receive multiple positive reach outs and other factors fall in place such as I discuss in my eBook, “No Contact Rule Book”, then I have advised my clients in the past to make exceptions. Every situation is unique and calls for a different approach at times

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    Laura

    April 25, 2019 at 1:11 pm

    Hello Chris!

    My now ex-boyfriend broke up with me 12 days ago. We were together for 7 months. That same day, we had been together in a wedding; we had a lot of fun together, danced, got drunk… He doesn’t usually express very much his feelings, but that day he was literally melting at me, saying how much he loves me, how beautiful I am and how proud he feels of me and how lucky he felt (he was even “showing off” about me in front of his friends).

    So that same night I made a mistake… I got jealous for something (a female friend texting him at 3AM) -we never had arguments before related to jealousy-. So we started arguing, and at some point he got nuts and started literally yelling at me in the street and broke up with me at the moment. He was mean and rude, probably affected by the amount of alcohol he had. I was shocked; he had literally gone from 100 to nothing. I left.

    The day after I was so sad and shocked that I texted him at night saying “How are you feeling?” (I know I shouldn’t have done it) and got NO response from him ever. I was sure that eventually he would come back affected by what happened, or at least to tell me that he didn’t want to continue with the relationship in a calm, respectful way. Since then, I haven’t texted him at all. I didn’t delete him from social media, and I’m not posting stuff or anything.

    Two days ago I saw two visits from him to my website. It was obviously him; the visits were coming from his town, and I can even see from which device people visit my website with the analytics from Google. It was his phone.

    The day after tomorrow it’s his birthday, and I’m obviously not wishing him a happy birthday. I have so many doubts… I have no idea is he’s punishing me, or if he’s 100% sure about what he did. As I said, he was very drunk. I don’t know if it is that he feels ashamed or insecure about how he acted, or if he regrets or not. I don’t know if he expects me to go after him again. I know I made a mistake, but it’s no excuse at all to talk to me like that and break up with me… Of course our relationship wasn’t perfect, but we were happy together.

    I’m I doing the right thing? Is there any chance he’ll come back at some point…?Thanks!

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    Natasha

    April 3, 2019 at 2:22 pm

    Hello Chris.

    So I recently ended a 10 yr relationship with my ex boyfriend due to the fact thst he would not propose to me…Shortly after I regretted doing it,and tried to go on dates…hell I even went to New York with a co-worker to get my mind off of things,and he saw on fb…,but it didn’t work.All these memories came flooding back to me,and not only that,but I realized I let a piece of jewelry and the opinions of others get into my head.I let 10 amazing yrs go over that.The breakup was pretty bad because we weren’t talking for a few days from an argument that we had that I started which I think was over the ring(of course).

    There were also a lot of issues with his family that he brought into our home, and it was extremely stressful for me to handle at the time,because it was always a constant thing and cycle that kept happening.When his mom kicked his sister out she lived with us,and it was a nightmare for me.I know that is his family and I should have been more supportive of him and the choices he made because he’s a family man,and it’s not that I am not,but I was raised as an only child,and its easier for me to cut ties and burn bridges. But that is something that I have been working on.His mother was in an abusive marriage and she and her son came to live with us for a while.I became cold and distant because we had a lot going on,and like I said it was just a never ending cycle.
    When I broke up with him he was extremely helpful and helped me move my things into my new apartment,and out of it a few days later due to bedbugs…yuck.This was back in January.We talked once in February about a mutal friend who is in the hospital.I contacted him.Then on my birthday I contacted him which was march 26 and I expressed how I miss us and would like to get together to chat.Not because it was myWe eventually did get together,but we had sex,kissed,cuddled ect,and he told me about a lot of things that are going on in his life…very sad,stressed,depressed,his grandmother passed away,and he was recently diagnosed with anxiety from everything…including the breakup…I have been having issues with anxiety since I ended the relationship.Its really taken a toll on me as well,even though it was my choice.I saw him this past Saturday and read him a letter I wrote apologizing to him and the way I treated his family when they were going through their rough patch.Again we talked cuddled,had sex watched movies,plsyed the game…its like we were back in a relationship.He said he wants to work on his self right now,and I am as well.He doesn’t think a relationship will be the best for right now which broke my heart,but I understand 100% we jave things we need to work on internally and externally.We still text..but im usually the one to inatiate the conversation.I just have to be patient because this isnt the first time we broke up…but this was definitely a bad breakup.I handled some things not the best,but I’m learning from those mistakes and choices.I also want to point out that when i stsyed the night I did see he was ralking to someone in his phone and I’m worried he will forget me, and move on.He told me he went into my purse.But i never told him I went in his phone…so clearly we both have some trust issues right now. Do you think I should continue contact or leave him alone?10yrs is a long time…and I just really want this to work,and I want to fight for us.I dont care about the ring I just want him and his fsmily back.He’s my soulmate, and I love him so very much.Hope to get a reply back,and I apologize for how lengthy this was.

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