They Broke Up And Now They’re Married… Find Out How

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

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About a month ago I got a really interesting email from a woman named Jessy,

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The gist of the email from Jessy said that she broke up with her ex and using Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO she ended up getting him back. Not only that but he proposed and they got married.

Now, this actually hasn’t been the first time that I have had a hand in getting a couple married.

Some of you may remember Marueen one of my original success stories but this was on an entirely different level.

Why?

Well, it’s probably due to the fact that Jessy was so forthcoming with her situation. She was willing to get on camera (with her husband) and make a testimonial for me,

And on top of that I actually got her to agree to coming on the podcast to talk about what she did to win her ex back.

Honestly, I think it’s best if I cut right to the chase on this one.

Watch How Jessy Got Her Ex To Marry Her

Interview Transcript:

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Ok, I think we’re live now. Ok so, today we have one of the most special guest I think I’ve ever had on the show. It’s a woman by the name of Jessy and she is probably one of the best success stories that we’ve ever had probably in history. I will say that you’re not the first person to ever get married to your ex boyfriend. I have done that one other time. She also made me a video testimonial but I actually got Jessy to agree to come on to the show. So, we’re just going pick 0:30 Just kidding! But we’re going to ask you some questions and try to figure out what she did to successfully get her ex back who’s now her husband. So, welcome to the show Jessy.

Jessy

Jessy

Thank you Chris. I appreciate it.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

So, I’m really curious. Before we get into the relationship stuff, how did you come to the website? How did you find the website and how long were you reading it before you decided, “Ok, I want to get my ex back.” or did you just come to it like knowing you wanted your ex back?

Jessy

Jessy

I stumbled upon your site knowing that I wanted my ex back. So, I really can’t tell you how I arrived at your site but I know that I was Googling.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Probably Google.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, I was Googling and I was of course like the queries included things like “How to get your boyfriend back and you come across a number of different resources but yours was the only that resonated with me because you have like steps and I’m a very analytical person and I want something very concrete. I want a looks like, sounds like, feels like and I got that from your resource. So, I stumbled upon it and then when I make certain financial decisions, although your resource is not, it’s not going to break the bank. I appreciated the price point it was at. But I did sleep on it and I always say to myself, if it still resonates with me the next day then go ahead and buy it. So, I found it, I slept on it,  and then I purchased it the next day.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, it’s an interesting story. So, let’s kind of create a timeline here. When did this all happen? Do you remember or is it like a year ago?

Jessy

Jessy

Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday because when we broke up, that’s how painful it was. So, we broke up in May and the reason–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

May 2015 or 16?

Jessy

Jessy

May of 2016. Good question.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

That’s when my birthday is. I’m so sorry

Jessy

Jessy

That’s ok because we came back together. But yeah May of 2016 is when we broke up and so, I began my due diligence in terms of trying to find  a way for us to get back together around that time and so I stumbled upon your ebook. And oh my goodness, the no contact period which I’m sure you’ll ask it about later on that lasted for about  a month and then I followed that and we were back together by July.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Wow! Pretty quick!

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah!

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

You know we found in our studies– one of the great things about our website is we have so many people coming to it. It’s like the ultimate–like testing resource. We can try different things out and try to really figure out what works to get an ex back and we found like the average time is takes is right around 3 months. So, you fell into that. So, it’s really interesting that you said that. Now, let’s get into the relationship type stuff. Let’s talk specifically about the break up. So, what went wrong? Why did you two break up? And I guess we’ll take it from there.

Jessy

Jessy

Great question. I believe that there are always two perspectives. So, I want to remind you. You already know this is my version on what really happened.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

We’ll hear a different story from the husband later right?

Jessy

Jessy

If you ask him I’m sure the embellishments or perhaps the details would be a little different but we met about a year prior and it was like an immediate connection. I have broken up actually with someone the night before and the guy I’d broken up with–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Wow!

Jessy

Jessy

I know. It’s wild! But the guy I have broken up with the night before said we’ll, “Let’s go to happy hour for all time’s sake. Let’s just go and hang out once more. Even though we’re no longer considering romantic future. Well the very next day is when my now husband walked up to me and he just stood there. He didn’t say anything. He stood.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

He just stood there.

Jessy

Jessy

He just stood there!

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

He got some game. He just doesn’t have to say a word. Stands there!

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, that’s exactly what he said if you’re going to ask him. So, from there it was just–it was chemistry. Like indescribably chemistry. So, over the next year, we knew that we have this tangible love. We knew that we had something very, very special but because this was a second–we both had had one marriage already. We both had been divorced.

I have been divorced for a little bit longer than he had and so, I was ready to move forward and I realized I had a little bit more time to recovery and heal and do all what you need to after a divorce but he had less time. So, he was kind of like panicking, freaking out. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to get married again.

We both had young childrend and so, I think he was just nervous and also, I’m using the word counselor or therapy for lack of a better word but I wanted us to get some sort of–I just wanted us to just–I called it going inside and looking around to just 5:21 to make sure we got it right this time. Because apparently, there’s like a 70% divorce rate for second marriages.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

It’s pretty high.

Jessy

Jessy

And I did not want to get –yeah. So, that’s why I wanted to do it and he was not interested and so that pretty much what led to our break up.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, It’s interesting there’s this negative stereotype around therapy but I had a few weeks ago, a guy named Erik Newton on the show. And he said one of the most fascinating things that he’s interviewed like over 200 couples. He has married 200 couples. So, this guy knows what he’s doing right? So, I asked him, what’s the secret? What are this couples doing? And he said therapy.

Even when it’s good. So, it has to be like when times are super good. And he kind of likened it to like going to the dentist. Like you don’t always go to the dentist when you have a problem with your teeth. Obviously you do if you have a problem with your teeth but you’re just going for like the mandatory cleanings. It’s the same type of thing but I imagined if I were to put myself in your husband’s shoes. I would have think that the same exact thing and start to like thinking, “Wait, you’re basically saying we have problem.” You know? But sometimes it does take that outside perspective to open or bridge the gap. So, to speak .

Jessy

Jessy

Right. It’s funny that your other guest said that because I likened to like getting your oil changed in your car.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

That’s a good analogy.

Jessy

Jessy

Because it’s like that maintenance technique

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

That’s a good analogy.

Jessy

Jessy

But also, I had a different upbringing. So, in my mind, like you said, it had a different association with it than it did for him and I had to be mindful of that but it was also kind of a non-negotiable for me.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Well I also imagine to you–so, you’re divorced already and I hope you don’t mind me going here but I imagined you learned from the first divorce. Maybe you didn’t have the talk or talk about the things that maybe you should have and maybe could have saved that particular marriage. So, you maybe you didn’t want it to happen for your next serious relationship which happened to be your husband.

Jessy

Jessy

Exactly. That’s exactly right.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

So, you break up and we’re assuming here that it’s probably due to the–you wanted to go to–not therapy but maybe couples counseling. We’ll use it. It’s a little bit more socially accepted to say that you know.. Ok, so, he breaks up with you correct?

Jessy

Jessy

No. I broke up with him.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Oh, because he wouldn’t go–

Jessy

Jessy

Yes.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Ok, that’s interesting.

Jessy

Jessy

It was hard.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

How did that break up talk come about? Like did you do it in person? Did you do it over the phone? Were you living together at that time? How difficult of a separation are we talking here?

Jessy

Jessy

Well, you touched on a lot of things. We were not living together. Although he did ask me to move in twice and I said no because my preference was to move in after I was married to someone. And I realized this are very modern times and plenty of people live together prior to marriage but for me it was important to be married prior to be moving in. So, I’m a little bit old fashioned in that sense.

And then–oh the break up. I don’t remember if it was in person or over the phone but I just remembered saying I’m done and I remember it being very painful. There were elevated tones and volumes with language. So, again I don’t even remember if it was in person or over the phone or via text but I remember just saying I’m done. It hurts me, I’m done because  a future of not communicating as well as we could was more painful to than breaking up at that present moment.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Now, it’s interesting because–so, you came to our website specifically to try to win your ex back right? So, you came with that goal in mind. Now, generally speaking, usually the person who gets broken up with is having that. So what’s going on here? Did he try to get you back at all after the break up? Or was it all you sort of thinking, “Oh crap! I made a mistake.”

Jessy

Jessy

No, he didn’t try to reconcile things with me at all. And I also thought, “Oh crap!I made a mistake!”

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Ok, so a bit of both.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, it was equal parts of both. So, while I knew I wanted to get back together, I knew I did not want to get back together under the same terms that we broke up for or that I broke up with him for if I’m going to be honest with that language. So, yeah, great question. You’re making think about things! And not in a bad way. I’m perfectly fine with this. Again, I’m ok with therapy. A part of that is just examining things differently. So, thank you for asking that.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Oh, you’re welcome. And I’m sure it will get worse too. So, buckle up! No, I’m just kidding! I’m just kidding! Ok so, you try to get him back. What’s the thought process here? So, you come to the website, and what I’m writing resonates with you obviously because I’m just awesome and great!

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah!

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

So, what I’m writing resonates with you, what is the thought process here? So, you read this stuff, are you thinking, “I need to follow every single one of this steps?” of did you just take, “This sounds good to me. This sounds like it will work. This doesn’t sound like it will work.” Did you kind of follow the strategies step by step or did you kind of put your own little spin on things?

Jessy

Jessy

Great question. I followed it step by step to the T. And I wanted to do that because– I mean you didn’t promise miracles or anything but I wanted to be able to uphold you to what you were writing about in your book and I thought,  “Well, if I followed it step by step, depending on the outcome, at least I’ll know I followed it.” So, I guess I knew– I don’t know, you just have compelling words and I thought if I followed this step by step perhaps it could work.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Ok, so, obviously the first step here is the all every one talks about, The No Contact Rule right? So, you read about the no contact rule and you were probably thinking, “Oh my god. This sounds so hard.” Right? I mean that’s what everyone thinks right?

Jessy

Jessy

Well, I actually thought it sounded easy until I tried it. So, I attempted–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Everyone thinks that. That’s what I’ve learned.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, I though it was easy. I thought it was rather simple but I attempted the no contact rule  2 or 3 times before I actually followed through it. So, I broke it a few times.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Now, let’s talk about that. So, what happened that caused you to break it exactly?

Jessy

Jessy

Oh because I was still angry and hurt but inlove. So, I’d like contact him like, “You forgot something at my house.” via text. Well, no he didn’t contact me. That was painful too because I didn’t–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

You’re probably reading all this success stories yourself and seeing all this success with the no contact rule and it doesn’t happen for you. You know so, it’s probably a little disheartening.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, disheartening might not have been the case. The examples I remember reading in your book involved a lot of the other party contacting the person reading the book for various reasons. And that wasn’t the case with my now husband. He is a very rigid individual and he has a very strong will. So, I later learned that in his mind he was like, “Fine, if she’s not going to contact me, as much as my heart is hurting, I refuse to contact her.”

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Sounds like me.

Jessy

Jessy

You two have a lot in common.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Ok, so, you failed the no contact rule a couple of times. Now, one thing that I’ve learned is one of the steps I’ve taken over the years, is I’ve taked all the success stories I’ve ever heard back from. And I’m sure there’s a silent majority where people get their ex back and they don’t tell me. And I’m sure there’s a lot of people who don’t get their exes back but the ones I had, I took them all. I took all the success stories and I started looking at what this particular people were doing, what they had in common.

And so, one of the big things was the no contact rule. Like 70% had done the no contact rule on their ex but they also had made like changes in their life in a positive way. So, did you do any of that at all? Are you in the majority or the minority here?

Jessy

Jessy

I think I’m in the majority but I did it I think in ways differently than maybe some of your other–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

I’m curious to see like what changes did you make positively?

Jessy

Jessy

So, initially I got bummed because I heard other women and people like doing things for their communities and working out and getting their bodies in shape and not in a pompous way. As I don’t really need to work because I’m very satisfied with how I look. As I got–I have done and I continue to do like cool things in my community, things that bring my joy and fulfillment but in my careers is where I felt like I was lacking and I hadn’t accomplished what I had wanted to. So, I 14:18 myself into sales training and personal development from a career standpoint. So, I hadn’t heard any examples of that so, I wasn’t sure if I was doing things well because again I was fine with how I looked. You know I was satisfied for what I was doing for my humanitarian perspective but career wise I felt very dissatisfied so, I poured into that.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

That’s really, really interesting because most people–most women particularly, they’re very obsessed with how they look. And so, when I try to explain, ok do the no contact rule but at the same time while you’re doing the no contact rule, try to like divide your life up into this three aspects, health, wealth and relationships. And most people, what they focus on is health related things. Like looking better, working out, eating healthier. Sometimes relationships like making new friends, going out, obviously focusing on their ex a little too much. Rarely do you hear anyone working on their career. So, what strides did you make? Like any significant strides or was it more just a confidence type building exercise working on your career like that?

Jessy

Jessy

Great question. I poured a lot of money into career building and my now husband when he found out about some of the money that I spent on career and personal development, I think he was kind of happy that he wasn’t around and I was like swiping my card at those time are one of the things that I just do, don’t judge. I definitely spent a handsome four figures and he found out about it after the fact. But I told him to, I said in addition to what I use. I used some of the language that I learned in my sales training.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

So, it actually worked out for you. You can’t put a price on happiness.

Jessy

Jessy

You cannot.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Ok, so, you’ve made significant strides during the no contact rule. Things are going pretty good so far, except he hasn’t contacted you. Now, one of the big questions that I always get pretty much every single day is, “Should I contact him first? or should I wait for him to contact me?” And I always advice, “Hey you contact him first.” So, how did this happen for you? Were you having this kind of internal struggle on if you contacted him first or if you should wait for him to contact you?

Jessy

Jessy

No, hadn’t. Me personally, I haven’t had any internal struggle. I was very comfortable with contacting him first. The toughest part for me was maintaining that 30 day time frame. I literally had to put on the calendar. I wrote it on my calendar day  1 of the no contact rule and I wrote it on every single day of my calendar and when I got to–I’ve decided to I think break it on day 31. And so, I wrote on my calendar, this is day 31, you can contact him now. I had the templates that you have available on your resource. I had that predetermined. I knew exactly what I was going to say. I had that text in draft form. All I had to was add him as a recipient and press send on day 31 and that’s what I did. So, I was very comfortable with contacting him first.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

And how did it go? Like take me from the texting phase. Like when you guys are texting, how did it go? I’m really interested to hear this part.

Jessy

Jessy

Oh wow. I should have them in advance, but I have very vivid memories of it. So, I did it the morning of day 31. Would me like to mention the text that I used?

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, absolutely.

Jessy

Jessy

Ok, so the text that I used was the memory one. And I said–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Ok, reminds me of something..

Jessy

Jessy

Right. So, we used to have dance parties with our three girls. He has two girls from his first marriage and I have one. And so we used to have dance parties with our girls. I was very careful to mention a memory that didn’t have any negative ties to it.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Smart.

Jessy

Jessy

And this one song that we used to play when we had dance parties with our girls was it. So, I said I just–although I had not just listened to the song. I said I just listened to the song that we used 18:18 was it made me think of you. That was the end of it and I sent it. And I knew I had a meeting to go to. So, I sent it, I went to my meeting, and when I got back from my meeting, I just had a flood of text messages from him.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Awwww…

Jessy

Jessy

Something to the effect of,  “I missed you so much. I think of that song too. I’ve been waiting for you to contact me.” It was just a flood of warm texts..

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Boy, that didn’t take long at all. Basically just tapping into that memory was enough for him to –like a volcano.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, I don’t think 5 minutes passed between when I sent that text and when he responded to it. So, it was almost immediate.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

But take me like past day 31. Like how did the texting work then? Did you maybe just advance really quickly? Because everyone after the no contact rule, has like this really interesting path that they take. So–

Jessy

Jessy

I know what you mean now. So, Friday morning I sent the text, flood of like warmth and everything from him but I intentionally traveled out of time. So I live in Pennsylvania. We both live in Pennsylvania.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

I used to live literally in Pennsylvania until June when we moved to Florida.

Jessy

Jessy

What part? I have to ask!

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

We lived in Bensalem right outside of Philadelphia.

Jessy

Jessy

My husband’s office is in Wayne and we live in Harrisburg.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Interesting. So, originally I’m from Texas. My wife is from Pennsylvania. I moved to Pennsylvania for her, to be with her and we just couldn’t take the weather. That snowstorm was pretty much it for me. So, I was–

Jessy

Jessy

That will do it. That’s funny.  People usually live and move for love or money. So, you fall into that category.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

I’m part of–yeah, I’m part of that.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, very cool. So, yeah, I intentionally traveled to Maryland to see one of my career mentors. And so, Friday I text him. He said, “Oh my goodness. I love you and I miss you. Can we get together tonight?” and I said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t. I’ll be in Maryland until Sunday. And even when I get back on Sunday, it will kind of be too late. So, maybe Monday when I get back.” So, I kind of put it off a day. And so, we got together on Monday, we met at a park. He brought a bottle of wine that he just got in from The Philippines. So, we drank wine in park that was a few far from my house. And while we were so happy to see one another, one of my contingencies and one of my stipulations was still was still we need–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

The therapy..

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, we need to talk to someone else. So, I understand if for you, that’s a deal breaking and I’m hoping that you understand that for me, it’s a deal breaker. I’m hoping we can just find something in the middle that’s satisfies both of us. And we did! So, that Monday, we got together, we determined to kind of like pause, and we both would kind of go back to out respective corners and brainstorm a bit and when we got back together later on that week and decided on how we’re going to move forward.

So, we did find that joint therapy of sorts but it was based.. So, he would feel comfortable and I would feel comfortable and we’re still so happy about that.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Well, it’s almost like a fairy tale type situation to be in. Seriously, like that is so rare that this even happens. Now, I’m curious. So, you do the therapy or you do the couple’s counseling, whatever we’re calling it. So, you do that and how did things progress from there? So, when does he propose?

Jessy

Jessy

Ok, interesting question. The therapy that I wanted, and I again we’re using that for a lack of  a better term. The one that I wanted to go with was 6 weeks and one that he actually decided to go with was a three week program.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Ok, he was taking it serious.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, it was far longer than I ever expected him to want to do. So, we did that. And he didn’t propose. He just said like, after we started the therapy, we realized there was some conversations that we needed to have and after we have those, he said let’s just do it. Let’s just propose and get this over with and I said, ok I’m ready. So, we actually got married at the bar that we met. And in Pennsylvania, you can do something that’s called self unite. You can do a self uniting marriage. All you need are two witnesses. So, we asked two friends to join us at the bar that we met at.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Oh, you guys eloped. You were madly inlove.

Jessy

Jessy

We eloped. We didn’t have our rings. We worked with a jeweler and we had to order them.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Did you go to that Steven singer place?

Jessy

Jessy

No, no.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

I went there. I got roped into doing that. That stupid place.

Jessy

Jessy

I didn’t know that was. I see the billboards–

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

I Hate Steven Singer, it’s a jewelry place.

Jessy

Jessy

I had no idea. 23:21 I was like well, somebody hates so much.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Right!

Jessy

Jessy

I never looked into that. Now, I know. No, we didn’t do that but my ring, it’s absolutely gorgeous. It’s rose gold and it’s exactly what I wanted. And his has wood inlay in it. I call him my lumberjack. So, that’s another story for another time but we were waiting for our custom rings to come in. So, when we got married and we didn’t even have our hardware, we just did it at the bar. We got our rings a couples of weeks later and then that’s when we honeymooned in Rhode Island.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Fast and furious you guys. You guys are incredible. I’ve never seen anything go that fast before espcially after the no contact rule. I mean `it was like, one memory is all it took and then bam! He wanted you back bad.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah. 24:08 when we reunited, we reconciled in July and then our anniversary September 1st. And now it’s all in the same year.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Wow!

Jessy

Jessy

So, it was kind of fast and furious. But when we mentioned it to our daughters, “Well, it’s about time mom and dad. We were waiting for you to kind of come around and do that.” 24:27

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Now, I’m really interested in the couples counseling. You said there were a few areas that you hadn’t talked about. So, is it to–should we just not go there or is there–what were some of the big issues that you guys hadn’t talked about in your  previous relationship that maybe you needed to touch on?

We didn’t really talk about children. I wasn’t sure if I wanted more children and he was sure he did not want one more.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, I talked to my wife 24:55

Jessy

Jessy

You’re not alone! And then we didn’t talk about pets or animals. And so, I knew I did not want any pets or animals and he wasn’t sure about it. So, we both kind of determined, “Ok, no more children and no more animals. ” So, that’s a conversation we didn’t think to have. I think prior to in our first marriages.

Another thing we didn’t talk about was like physical intimacy but we explored that and we determined something that would work for the two of us. We didn’t consider like living arrangements and like–I didn’t think of his house but we never talk about how long we were going to be here because the house we’re living in now is the house that he was married in the first time.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Oh, so, there’s some kind of ghost of the previous surrounding.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah. Just a little.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

It’s all good. It’s all good.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, so I mean, I’m ok with discussing it but we didn’t determine like what would that, what that would look like. I think prior to in his mind, we thought, “Well, we have the future to talk about that.” But I felt more comfortable talking about a time frame. Time frames freak him out to be honest. And me being a recovering perfectionist, time frames are very important to me. So, now we’ve established that time frames are ok for certain things and time frames are not ok for other things. So, that ended up being a huge thing that we just hadn’t explored prior to our break up that we were able to kind of comfortably explore after we reconcile.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, I remember–so, it’s really crazy. When I was first introduced I have a VA or leah is my VA. She goes through all of the emails and she kind of sorts them into what I should see. And I remember she sent me one thing from you a long time ago. And it was something to do with,–oh it was something to do with like, if you get your ex back, what should you do to make sure the relationship is good?

And so, I was going through today, trying to prepare a little bit. I wanted to come in blind but I wanted prepare a little bit so I kind of wasn’t completely blind you know. And I stumbled across this email and I remember thinking,”Oh, I remember getting that and I remember like being so busy. It just like–I didn’t even pay attention.” But it’s interesting that you brought that up and it’s interesting that I remember that because I’m going to give you what I’ve learned from interviewing actual experts.

And the same guy who I was talking to about that, you know who interviewed 200 couples and was talking about therapy and how the good couples have to do therapy even when times are good. He also told me something really–he also taught me something really interesting. And it was the fact that, crap. I just forgot it. 27:52

Jessy

Jessy

Oh my god. That does happen to me. You’re human. Ok!

 

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

So, he taught me something really interesting. And it was the fact that you have to be able to have this very, very difficult conversations. Conversations you know where you’re partner is going to over react or your partner could potentially be upset and angry. And you have to have –create a safe space to have the conversation in and you have to be willing to have this kind of communication and understand–both parties understand that you’re not going to leave the relationship. You have to be willing to do that. And I can’t agree with that more because so many times we shy away from the conversations that you know for a fact your partner is not going to like.And a really perfect example is the therapy which caused your breakup. You know so, if you didn’t ask me, like if you didn’t email, that would be the best tip I’ve got off on the top of my head for you..

Jessy

Jessy

You have to kind of like know what trigger words are for your partner too. So, for my husband and I now, I don’t even know if he’s aware but I try to remind myself and him when we’re having those conversations that might not be the easiest to have. To remind myself and him we’re on the same team, no matter the outcome of this conversation, we will always be on the same team. I will always be his ally and what I remember, I try to always hold hands when we’re having those conversations. So, it doesn’t happen all the time but-

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Also you have to–if you’re husband’s listening, now he knows. If you’re holding his hands, it’s a bad conversation.

Jessy

Jessy

He’s lying on the couch. He knows. But even telling him that I used your book, I was kind of nervous.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Most people are.. I find–

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, I didn’t want him to think I was being manipulative or anything like that but interesting when I shared with him that it was because of your book –the only reason why I text him is because of your book. I promise you because we both have very–we both can be very, very stubborn. And if hadn’t had a road map, and you mentioned that in the beginning of your book too.

If I hadn’t had a specific plan and road map, we would not be together today. Because I didn’t have the tools otherwise to approach it in a very strategic and intentional way and so for that, I’m eternal grateful. He is too. I don’t even–he is too. We’ve had discussions about this.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Well, yeah you know. He’s probably the first male that I’ve ever seen have the guts to get in front of the camera and give a testimonial. And if you’re listening, I’m definitely going to post a testimonial in the show notes. And if you want to see it, you can see it but he’s literally the only one and we had someone, her name is Marie. And she was one of like the very first success story I’ve ever got and she got her ex back and now she’s married to him but he wasn’t getting in there for that. And I don’t even know if she told him. She was–getting her to get the video testimonial to me was challenging. I just asked for it but I think she was maybe hadn’t told her husband and maybe was worried about how he’d react. To your point, what she just said and it can be a little–I’ve seen different reactions for when men find out.

Some of them don’t care, some of them are kind of like your husband, grateful a little bit. And some of them just think it’s manipulative. So, I know a lot of women do keep it a secret and it’s really interesting. My website does not share well on social media because who wants to let their ex know that they’re trying to get him back.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, even when I shared it with –like I’ve had friends who’ve experienced breakups or versions of it. Since I’ve read your book and I’ve suggested it to them. And even some of my female friends, even with them wanting to get back with their exes, they just had a tough time with the title but I let them know, you know. I did not give them my copy. I said I refuse. I want to support what he’s doing.

So, you got to buy your own copy. I’m not going to give it to you but it made all the difference for us and for anyone nervous about whether they shoudl share it, one of my new personal things is authenticity. I was very–I shared that it’s because I love my husband so much and even with him being ok with me sharing it with him and doing  a video testimonial. That kind of speaks to how amazing he is and so I think with me being authentic and just sharing that I was desperate.

I loved you so much and I didn’t have the language or the words or the tools to share that with you but also–and know how important it was to have some of those crucial conversations. He was very open to it. I think my authenticity kind of mended itself to that. So, anyone who’s nervous, just be authentic and say, “This is the reason why I’m doing. It’s because you mean so much to me. “And it might help the news get to them a little bit softer.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, it’s a great way to look at things. Unfortunately, it’s hard to get people to look at i that way. You’re definitely, I’m really excited to share this with people because-hope. You know, you’re giving people hope here and people are just– I mean we’re dealing with some women who are just hanging on by a thread.

So, every single article that we put out there just like hanging on by a thread. So, I’m really glad to be sharing this kind of success with people. That it is possible to have this kind of an ending to your love story so to speak. But let me ask you, how are things now? Better than ever?

Jessy

Jessy

33:37 We call our love, I don’t know if 33:40. We call our love honey dripping love. That’s how oozing it is. That’s the hashtag in all of my Instagram posts with him. So, it’s actually amazing. We lie in bed sometimes and we think, “We are so grateful.” We want to share this opportunity with other things too but I think the openness from me and from me and like you said the hope that we had, we just knew that we wanted to make this work.

It didn’t hurt that we have like terrible first marriages under our belt and while we were scared, terrified that history might repeat itself. We also had  glimpses that it’s absolutely possible to find true, true honey dripping love again and we’re so grateful for it. We, were so in love. We’re very intentional to make sure that that in love feeling lasts into the future. Some people discount that but again , you have two very strong willed people determined that our love is going to last into the indefinite future so.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, it’s actually kind of a blessing that you did get the couples counseling because like I said, that is one of the best things you can do. To just kind of examine the situation you’re in, and it’s probably good to have those conversations, especially about kids. That’s a huge type of life changing event. And I know you have one and you said he has two but still adding another one into mix. I mean, how much can you handle? I mean I have one and it’s like a full time job.

Jessy

Jessy

That too. You spoke of something very important. We had so much divorce–there’s a lot of divorce in my family’s past and there’s a lot of divorce in my husband’s family’s past and more than anything I wanted to show our girls that it’s possible for this to work.

And so even if we have variances of opinions now, in front of our girls we do group family hugs to say, “You know you’re not always going to see things eye to eye but we can always resolve things and we’re still going to have the love and no matter what happens, we will continue to be on the same team.”  So, we are trying to display that for our girls no matter what.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Yeah, it seems like you really have a really good on your shoulders and I’m glad that you really did like talk about this kind of stuff to him but also kind of be a really good role model for your children. I mean that’s a big deal. You know, growing up like you just mentioned, I know what of my wife’s big things was that she had to marry a guy who had no divorce in his family because she thought that would increase the chances.

So, luckily my parents are still married and her parents are still married but it can be, you know, you touch a lot of good points here for a lot of people. So, I’m glad that you’re willing to like understand that and see that and admit it because a lot of people will just push it off to the side and not even bring it up and try to solve it which is kind of what you’re doing.

Jessy

Jessy

And you mentioned that–and a lot of it I think has to do with like embarrassment and fear because there are a lot of times when–as the society is flushing with millennials, the posts you see are people having so much fun, or people in love for the moment and I’m grateful because my husband was open to–initially, I don’t think he was but now we’re open to say like, these are our scars. This is what–we don’t have a perfect past. We have a lot of stuff like imperfect things going on in our lives but we are dedicated to making our future more beautiful with every passing day. So, got over feeling embarrassed I guess.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Well, that’s a beautiful thought to because just baring your soul to someone else really could do wonders for building trust. Because baring your soul to someone else, like this is not something that I’d do pretty much ever. You know, so, having the person there experience it, it’s a bid deal and it feels good. It does nothing but good things in my opinions. So, I’m glad that you have the courage to do that. And I’m so happy for you Jessy and your husband.

Jessy

Jessy

Thank you! Well, I will say too we’re in different paths. My husband sometimes says, “You divulge too much.” So, I do want to say that I’m grateful to him because he was open to that. I think in the past, he might not have shared as much but now again, we’re just kind of going through things hand in hand and I’m grateful to him for that because for me it’s important. I use to suffer from wanting to be perfect and not wanting to ever admit when things weren’t going well and he’s open to that . He is the man! I love him!

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

I can tell! You have said it in about twenty times! I’m glad to see you happy because it’s not a face that I end up seeing a lot. I usually get emails of people that are going through the hardest times. It’s a nice change of pace for me. To see someone who’s genuinely happy.

Jessy

Jessy

Yeah, I did have hard times. I cried my–when we first got back together, my mother was not in favor because she had only seen –her most recent memories of my relationship with him was the painful ones. So, initially she was nervous. She thought I don’t want you to get hurt again and I don’t your hurt to be sourced from him. So, yeah, I had some painful moment. A lot of tears that I didn’t allow for him to see. Again, because I have a strong will. But yes, so there’s a lot of 39:18

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

Well, I think that’s going to do it for this episode. This was a blast Jessy. Is there any parting words of wisdom that you want to tell anyone listening to this? Can you hear me?

Jessy

Jessy

I can hear you now. Go ahead I’m sorry. What did you just say?

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

I was just saying I think this is a good stopping point and is there any kind of parting words or wisdom you want to tell anyone listening?

Jessy

Jessy

Oh my goodness. Again, your book is at the perfect–I don’t know, my apprehensions were cost and it possible being a waste of money. I would definitely encourage anyone to just give it a try. The worse that can happen is–I don’t know about you but I’m “wasted” money on worst things, food, 40:23 I don’t know. You name it. I’ve wasted money on worst things and I gave this a try and I took a risk and it was  a very, very modest risk. Again, I love the price point of your resources. Give it a try and see how it world. Really there’s not much that could go wrong.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

That’s all good and by the way, I’m totally leaving this in. I feel like it makes things more real for people. You know they’ll realize that we’re not perfect so, don’t worry about it.

Jessy

Jessy

40:53 in there.

Chris Seiter

Chris Seiter

No, no. You’re good, you’re good.

October 20, 2016

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (16)

  1. Anon - 0

    Anon

    Hi, my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago after being in a two and a half year relationship. We started having problems a year ago, where his mother didn’t like me and felt like we were not compatible. Furthermore, I was a controlling girlfriend and I was also very possessive, which is something he did not like. So we broke up end of last year once, and decided to get back together and try things out again after a week break.

    Things got better and I was not controlling or hot tempered anymore. We went on a trip together and things were going well. However, after I went on an overseas trip for 2 weeks and then he left for a trip for another week, so about a month of not properly meeting and communicating, he decided to break up with me again. He felt like our relationship was going nowhere and we had no future together, and he didn’t love me and he was tired of trying.

    I really don’t know what to do, because I really want him back but he already “committed” to the idea of breaking up and he doesn’t love me anymore (though his actions had said otherwise before I went away for the trip) through the 1 month of no proper contact and meeting up. I feel like it is a cover up reason for him not wanting commitment anymore as he is going to university and this relationship did not value add to him and will distract him. Also he was probably tired out from trying and he has this negative association of me with controlling and possessive even though I am not anymore so he feels like he doesnt love me anymore even though we are very comfortable with each other and enjoy each other’s company.

    He is also convinced that he cannot love someone for long periods of time because of his parents’ failed marriage and has lost faith in love and marriage. Is there still a chance for me to change his mind and help him? Please help thanks!

    Reply
  2. TERESA PR - 0

    TERESA PR

    I been dating for 6 months but we have know each other for 20 years. He been keeping in contact with me but during he started having problems with sex. He is not able you get my direction. I was getting a little frustrated cause I though he didnt want to have intercourse. Than out of the blue he told me he went to the doctor and found out he has low testerone level. He needed to start taking shots will I be willing to give them to him and of course I said yes. We had ups and down in the bedroom but read a lot of articles how to help him and didnt force intimacy or criticize him in any way even he didnt preform that night and gave him encourament to not to worry so we huged each other and kiss and it was fine with it plus I felt his affection no matter what. Now he has been very distance from me like he is trying to avoid me. He has cancel and sometimes flake out on dates but still does contact me within an hour after of him doing this apologizing. My patience is running out after this last episode with by parents were in town and we had a big family event to go to which he was supposed to attend with me. The day he was supposed to meet my parents he send me a text that he was tied up with clients so he couldn’t make it but contacted me when he got done which was 10pm. We didn’t see each other all week cause he been extremely busy with work and his new business. I was pissed that he didn’t make any time to text or call me like he has always done. The day before my family’s big event with a lot of family coming in from out of state. He sends me a text telling me that he won’t be able to attend and that he has to go out of town to help his Aunt out of town that he is sorry and hope that I can understand how busy he has been and that in time I can forgive him.
    I was so disappointed since he knew about it for 2 months. I was looking forward to attend the event with him. I never responded to his text I wanted too but I was so upset I didn’t want to say something I will regret later so I havent. He hasn’t texted me since than it has been 3 days since his text and I haven’t texted him either. After reading a couples of your articles concerning the NC rule. I decided I will try it. Do you think I am over reacting? Should I try the NC rule or not? I been in love with him for years but I feel that he doesnt appreciate me or consider my feeling or opinions when he is making a decision. I have not told him I am in love with him. I have only told him I care for him and have strong feelings for him.
    Please I need some advice can anyone help me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yep! You should try the nc rule.

  3. Megan - 0

    Megan

    I finished NC and sent my first contact text but he didn’t respond. I sent “oh my gosh! You’re not going to believe what just happened to me” I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to talk to me. I thought the text would work 🙁 what do I do now?

    Reply
  4. Megan - 0

    Megan

    I am on my last day of NC and haven’t heard from him yet. Should I be worried? And should I go ahead and send a first contact text tomorrow? (the day after 30 days) I’m just so worried that he won’t respond.

    I feel like I have improved in myself over NC. I’m focusing more in my school work and getting my degree. I’m getting better grades, really pushing myself to do better. I’ve also been working out a little, and hanging out with my friends more often. I have also taken time during certain days of the week to pamper myself and build my confidence. And I have been posting on Facebook about fun things I’ve done and sharing funny videos, hoping he will take notice.

    Reply
  5. Cree Bashford - 0

    Cree Bashford

    I’ll start from the begining, my ex boyfriend and i’s relationship has been perfect for 3 years, hes my best friend, we get along like a house on fire, never have a dull moment together, never ever argued it was perfect! There had been a few things that had happened, like his parents told him they didn’t really love eachother anymore and they might break up but they seem to be trying, but as he is 23 and very sensitive and still lives at home it hit him really hard, he also got made redundant from the job that he loves.

    At the end of July he sat me down and told me that something didn’t feel right, he said he thought the spark had gone, he didn’t want to see me as much as before, didn’t think about me in the day that much, doesn’t want me to come out with his friends that much any more, and he basically said he felt bored. After this chat we went on a 2 week break with minimal contact to see if he missed me as he never did.

    After our break he said that nothing much had changed but he wanted to try and bring the spark back by dating once a week and seeing a little less of each other as we saw eachother a lot. We tried for about a month, we even stayed in an expensive hotel and had an amazing dinner one night and we both said it was amazing. But a few days later after one of our dates he said to me that he didn’t think he was in the right state of mind to be with me right now, he said he loves me more than anything in the world but he just needed to be by himself for a while. This broke my heart, he kept saying things like so many couples break up and end up getting back together it’s really normal, we just needed to take some time out. Every time we spoke about these problems, when we went on our break and when we broke up he was crying so much telling me how much he loves me.

    This was 6 weeks ago, i tried 30 day no contact and he contacted me on the 30th day and we’ve had a few more chats that lasted all day since then. I want this man back so badly, ive never felt a connection with someone like him ever i love him so much! But what i need to achieve is to make him miss me and want to see me as thats why we broke up.

    What can i do to make him want me back?!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cree,

      how much did you improve during nc? And are you still doing so now? You said you’re still texting until now, did you progress to calls? if you dont really call each other before, are you building up rapport? Are you always available? If you compate yourself now, to the old you, how many new things have you done and how many new friends have you made?

    • Cree Bashford - 0

      Cree Bashford

      I think ive improved myself, i know what went wrong on my side and i know what not to do if we gave it another shot. Ive tried working on myself like working out etc. no we haven’t spoken on the phone, but we never really did when we were together as we both prefer to text eachother. Whenever he texts me i do make myself available to reply but he hasnt asked to meet or anything yet.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s ok not to progress to calls if you’re not really doing that when you’re together. You have to continue improving yourself.. What’s essential right now is if you’re building up rapport, if yes, then it’s ok to initiate a meet up. Raise it before ending the conversation at high note.. when he’s in a good mood.

  6. Esther - 0

    Esther

    Well my ex fiancé have been broken for 9 months now. How will ex boyfriend recovery pro help me get him back and to improve myself? I only got him back once useing nc then he broke off the engagement a second time. The reason I want him back is because I love him very much. Plus he lives 5 hours from where I’m at. I went on a few dates last summer, today I treated myself to a frappe. I need help, last time I knew my ex fiancé had a new girlfriend since Augest 24 2016. I can’t do the being there thing I don’t have a car or my license. I’m on idk of Nc. Help please

    Reply
  7. Hello - 0

    Hello

    Hey there! I read in the podcasts’ page that we could send our own question via voice message that could be later answered in a podcast so I sent mine. I understand that you guys must have lots and lots of messages to feature but I wanted to know what my chances of getting an answer are. Thank you very much in advance !

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hello!
      🙂 If you’re situation hasn’t been covered yet in our articles or podcasts, there’s a higher chance you would be chosen

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