I haven’t really had a podcast episode focusing solely on the no contact rule yet have I?
Ah, what the heck lets create one.
In today’s episode we hear from Christina (hey, that’s my wife’s middle name) a woman who,
- Broke up with her ex boyfriend 3 weeks ago.
- Today is the first day of her no contact period.
- She also wants to buy my book.
After some thought I decided to make this episode solely about the no contact rule because Christina is just starting hers and I would like to explain the immense benefits to starting a no contact period.
What I Cover In This Episode
- The “two pronged approach” the no contact rule accomplishes.
- The benefits of doing a no contact rule.
- Pressing the reset button on your relationship.
- The different types of NC (30 days, 21 days, etc.)
- The emotional state your ex has to be in to want to take you back.
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
The Two Pronged Approach Of The No Contact Rule
The two pronged NC rule effect is an idea I came up with a long time ago. The truth is that I never wanted to let anyone in on it so it wouldn’t mess up with it happening naturally but I have decided to scrap that and just let you in on it.
The two prongs of the no contact rule are,
- It helps you get him back.
- Builds emotional confidence capital
Lets take a moment to dive into each of these “prongs.”
Prong One- NC Helps You Get Him Back
This one is pretty obvious.
You will notice in the episode I talk about how the time during the no contact rule can help “ease things” a bit and can even slow down the anger. .
I get into this idea that really getting your ex boyfriend back is a function of his emotional state. He will be a lot easier to get back if he is in a happy emotional state as opposed to a negative one. Well, the no contact rule can help facilitate a move from a negative state (the male state after a breakup) to a positive state (the male state after NC.)
Oh, and how can I forge the added benefit that it could make him miss you.
Lets move on to the second prong.
Prong Two- NC Gives You Time To Build Emotional Confidence Capital
Getting an ex back in general is hard.
No one has a magic 8 ball that can give you all the answers.
So, internally you have to be prepared with the possibility that things may not work out for you. So, the no contact rule allows you time to focus on yourself and do things that will enrich your life. Plus it has that added benefit of ignoring him for a while.. For example, it allows you to go to the gym and get in the best shape of your life. This will have a positive impact on you and as a result your confidence will grow.
Hence the name “emotional confidence capital.”
The idea is that you gain enough capital that you can move on without moving on and we all know what happens then.
Statistically your chances of getting an ex back improve drastically.
Welcome to Episode 17 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Today we’re going to be talking about the no contact rule and the importance of it when it comes to trying to get your ex-boyfriend, husband or lover back. Today we’re going to hear from Christina. Her message is rather short but I think I figured out how to feature it.
Let’s listen to her message and then I’ll go from there:
“Hi, this is Christina. I broke up with my boyfriend three weeks ago. Sometimes we text each other but nothing gets done because he has a lot of influence from other friends. Today is the first day I didn’t text him. I would like to purchase your recovery book and see if it works.”
Thanks for the message, Christina. I’m really glad to have you here on the podcast. I listened to your message. For those of you listening, I just received Christina’s message today. It seems like today is the first day that Christina is going to be trying out the no contact rule.
She probably went to my website, read the tactics that help get an ex-boyfriend back and decided that the no contact rule was the way to go. She’s absolutely right. Today I’m going to be explaining the importance of it. I’m also going to dive into something that I’ve never talked about with the no contact rule and why I think it’s so effective..
We’ll start off with a bang here. The reason I love the no contact rule so much is that it gives you a two-pronged approach to your love life. It attacks your ex-boyfriend in two different ways. The first way is that it will help you get him back.
The second way is a way that I never talk about to people. I don’t want them to be aware of it. I want it to happen naturally without me trying to explain it. The jig is up. I’m going to explain it to you now. The first way that the no contact rule can be a success for you is that it can help you get him back. The second way is that it builds emotional confidence capital.
This episode is going to be structured differently because Christina didn’t give me a question with a lot of substance where I could dive into her situation. Nevertheless, I’m going to try to make the no contact rule a little bit more clear and effective.. I’ll hopefully convince the women who are on the fence about using it to actually use it.
This episode will be divided into two categories with two prongs. There is the helping you get your ex back section. Then there is the emotional confidence capital section. The no contact rule works simultaneously to accomplish this.
Let’s start with what you’re most eager to hear about. Ironically, building emotional capital is what I’m more eager to talk about, but we’ll start with how it helps you get your ex-boyfriend back. The benefits of the no contact rule are immense.
When you go through a breakup, it’s probably one of the most stressful times that you will go through in life. There is a reason why the compare losing a job to a breakup. Breakups hurt. They hurt emotionally. They hurt physically. People sometimes do crazy things when they go through a breakup. It’s the way people act when they love someone so much and that person doesn’t want to be with them.
One of the benefits of the no contact rule is that it allows you to ease things down a bit. What do I mean when I say it allows you to ease things down a bit? It’s this idea that the emotional state of a man matters when you’re trying to get him back.
Imagine that you and your ex-boyfriend are dating. While he was dating you, he was happy. Then, as he grew dissatisfied or things happened in the relationship, the two of you broke up. During the breakup, he is at a highly emotional state. It’s not going to be easy to convince someone who is in a highly emotional negative state to get back with you.
The no contact rule allows time to go by so that your ex-boyfriend can get into a not-so-highly negative emotional state. He’ll level out a little bit. He’ll get back to the norm. He’ll get back to his normal self. After the no contact rule is over, you can work him to get him into a highly emotional positive state. When a man is in a highly emotional positive state, he’s a lot easier to get back than when he’s in a highly emotional negative state.
This is the common mistake that many women make when they beg for their ex-boyfriends back immediately after the breakup. Of course he’s not going to want to get back with you. He’s in a highly emotional negative state. In order to really convince him to get back with you, he has to be in a highly emotional positive state.
In order for him to get into that highly emotional positive state, he needs to level out first. I don’t think human emotions work where they, all of a sudden one day, go from a highly emotional negative state to a highly emotional positive state, unless you won the lottery. That’s the one exception. If you woke up one day and you won the lottery, I’m pretty sure that would put anyone in a good mood.
Benefit number one of how the no contact rule helps you get your ex back is that it helps ease things down a bit. It helps level him out. The other benefit here is that it allows your ex-boyfriend to miss you. Too many times, women are overbearing with their exes after a breakup. They contact him to much.
They “gnat” him. I’ve coined that term. It’s like a gnat flying around your head. You’re constantly swatting at this gnat. It won’t go away. It’s buzzing in your ear. It’s annoying. You want to get away from it. That’s what you become to your ex-boyfriend if you constantly message him after the breakup. The no contact rule takes that out and allows for your ex-boyfriend to miss you.
No situation is like another situation. Getting your ex back is such a complex method. The theories that I’m describing are so complex that they can go off into hundreds of different possibilities. One possibility of the no contact rule is that it allows time to go by. As time goes by, your ex-boyfriend begins to think, “I kind of miss her.” That’s what you want. You want him to miss you. The no contact rule allows for that to happen.
Another reason that I like the no contact rule is that I compare it to hitting the reset button on a video game. My little brother and I would play the game Sonic the Hedgehog when we were kids. I know this is really nerdy for me to say. I probably shouldn’t bring it up because I’ll lose all credibility as an ex recovery expert. The way the game works is that you run and try to beat the level.
It’s like Super Mario. It’s a super-speed Super Mario game. The two of us were never able to beat the entire game. We would always die on levels. Eventually, we got so upset that we would turn the game console off. We would hit the reset button and start over again if we did things that we didn’t like. If we got into a situation that we knew we couldn’t get out of, we wanted to start over.
The no contact rule has some of that. If you successfully do the no contact rule, you don’t mess up and you don’t contact your ex during that time, it can really work in your favor. How? The reset button is effective for a number of different reasons. I explained the importance of the emotional state of your ex-boyfriend.
The reset button allows you to reset your ex-boyfriend’s emotional state. The reset button is equal to the no contact rule here. I’m not going to say that it’s completely like a video game where you reset and you’re able to start over from the beginning. The slate is wiped completely. The no contact rule is not like that exactly. But it allows you to start over from a point that’s not as bad as when you started.
In my mind, when you’re looking at getting an ex-boyfriend back, this is solid gold. It’s going to be easier to start over from a place that’s not equal to you both yelling at each other. Maybe it’s equal to you being on speaking terms. Maybe they’re not the greatest terms. You’ll have to work after the no contact rule to build up that attraction. I explain that in my ebook. I’ll talk a bit about that at the end of the episode.
The no contact rule equals a reset button.
There are two different types of no contact rules that I’m going to recommend to you. There’s a 30 day no contact period, which is probably the one that I recommend the most. Then there is the 21 day no contact period. You are always going to start out with the 30 day no contact rule.
This is something that I’ve learned over years of experience, through watching women implement the no contact rule. Let’s say that, around day five, your ex-boyfriend contacts you. It was in a positive way. He says, “Hey, I miss you.” Then, on day seven, he contacts you again with the same message. “Hey, I miss you.”
Then, on day 10, he contacts you and says, “I miss you.” At this point, he has given you three positive actions, telling you that the no contact rule is working here. In that case, you can move the no contact rule down from 30 days to 21 days. It’s like you get rewarded for your ex’s good behavior.
There is also a wrinkle in here that you can use to get the no contact rule down to three days. This is interesting. Imagine that you’re doing the no contact rule. Around day 10, your ex-boyfriend contacts you seven times, either through text messages, phone calls or Facebook. They’re all positive. They’re all of the “I miss you” level. They might say, “Come back. Why are you ignoring me? Please talk to me. I miss you.”
He does that seven times. He takes seven actions in one day. That’s a lot of action. That’s a lot of positive capital that you’re building up. Only in this case if he creates seven actions in one day can you move the no contact rule down to three days.
Thirty days is the standard no contact rule. If he creates three positive actions in the 30 days, you can move that from 30 days to 21 days. If he creates seven positive actions in one day, you can move the no contact rule from 30 days to 3 days.
Let’s talk about the positive actions he could potentially do. I don’t think it’s hard to explain this aspect to you. A positive action is a positive action. He sends you text messages that say, “I miss you.” He calls and leaves a really sweet voicemail. Stuff of that nature is a positive action towards him wanting or convincing you to come back to him. That’s a positive action.
What happens if he gives you negative actions? He might respond negatively to the no contact rule. He is angry at you. He is calling you names. He’s cursing at you. He’s saying negative things. In this case, you cannot move your no contact rule down. You keep it right at 30 days. Stick to your guns.
I created one episode about the no contact rule before. It was one on what to do if you work with your ex-boyfriend. I talked a little bit about this in that episode and the importance of not rewarding someone who is negative towards you. I explained that you wouldn’t reward a child for spilling milk on the carpet. You wouldn’t give him or her a cookie and say, “Good job. You spilled milk on the carpet. Now I have to clean it up.” You wouldn’t do that.
You would possibly punish, but you would continue to do what you’re doing, which is not to reward this person. It’s the same type of deal with your ex-boyfriend. We’re not going to reward your ex-boyfriend for lashing out at you just because you don’t want to talk to him. It sucks that he would react that way. Now you have an idea of how the no contact rule can help you and why it’s such a good idea.
Let’s talk about the second prong of the approach here. This is about building emotional confidence capital. When you look at ex recovery as a whole, I’m going to level with you. Your chances overall are not great. Most people don’t take their exes back. I understand this. I’m all about percentages. I’m all about how you can increase your chances of getting your ex back.
I can’t guarantee that you’re going to get your ex back. No one can. Anyone who tells you, “I guarantee you I will get your ex back 100% of the time,” is a flat out liar. You should run away from them immediately. The truth is, no one can guarantee that you can get your ex back. It’s too complicated of a situation. No one can mind control a human being. If you could, I would help you get your ex back and be a millionaire.
I’m into increasing your chances of getting your ex back. The no contact rule does that. I’ve weighed the benefits and the negatives. The no contact rule does do that. Overall, it increases your chances of getting your ex back. That’s what I’m all about.
In the unlikely event that it does not help you get your ex back, I also want you to work to build emotional confidence capital during the no contact rule. What is emotional confidence? You have 30 days for the no contact rule. Let’s say that you go to the gym every single day and reform your body. Let’s say that you lose 20 pounds in 30 days. That’s a big difference. You’re going to feel more confident during the no contact rule because of that.
If you’re doing things to heal yourself during the no contact rule, you are doing two things at once. You are helping get your ex-boyfriend back and you are also preparing yourself in a positive way if you don’t. What do I mean by that? Let’s say that you reacted very poorly after the breakup. You sat on the couch every day. You ate ice cream. You’re very disappointed.
You’re hurt. You spend all your time on the couch, eating. You gain 30 pounds in 30 days. I’m not sure if that’s possible. In any case, you are negatively impacting yourself. Too many people do negative things during the period after a breakup that hurt themselves.
I’m into doing positive things that will help you build yourself back up. You want to help heal yourself at the same time. It’s a two-pronged approach. It helps you move on without moving on from your ex-boyfriend. It also helps get your ex-boyfriend back. You’re prepared for both scenarios. It’s a beautiful thing when it works out.
I’ve had people come to me after the no contact rule and say, “I am so grateful that I found your website and your advice. I feel so great about myself. I don’t even want him back anymore. He actually came back to me but I denied him because I feel so great about myself.” These are the people who did such a good job at building emotional confidence capital.
They’re building emotional confidence during the no contact rule. That’s why I stress these things. Work out hard. Try to do things that improve yourself. If you do them, you’re attacking this situation in two different ways. You’re healing. You’re moving on without moving on. You’re also working to get your ex-boyfriend back. It’s a beautiful thing when it works out.
Of course, I’ve had people who’ve had the no contact rule blow up in their face. They don’t build the emotional confidence capital. Of course, I get blamed for it because I gave them bad advice. I’m not running some sort of lie factory here. I never told anyone that they can get their ex-boyfriend back 100% of the time.
I said, maybe it will increase your chances of getting your ex-boyfriend back. But you also have to work during the no contact rule. It’s hard work getting your ex-boyfriend back. What I’m explaining here with this two-pronged approach is that building emotional confidence capital helps you out no matter what. It’s something that you will always get back. That’s why it’s so important.
You’re here to learn about how to get your ex-boyfriend back. Maybe you’re here to learn how to get over your ex-boyfriend. I wrote an article on how to get over your ex-boyfriend. I’ll link to it in the show notes of this episode.
Now I want to talk a little bit about my book. Christina mentioned that she wanted to buy my book to see if it worked. My book works in this way. It uses the no contact rule as a two-pronged approach to help you get your ex-boyfriend back and also prepare you for the possibility that you may not get him back. It prepares you in a positive way.
This is only 50% of the entire equation when it comes to getting your ex-boyfriend back. The other 50% what to say, what to do, how to work a situation, how to properly text, what to expect when texting, how to set up a date and what to do on a date. There are all of those things and a lot of situations, like what to do if he has a girlfriend. That is the beauty of my book.
It focuses on both sides. Fifty percent is the no contact rule and the two-pronged approach. Fifty percent is what to do after the no contact rule. That is just as important as the no contact rule if you really want to increase your chances of getting your ex-boyfriend back. That’s why this book has continually made sales since its inception.
I’m currently working on a very interesting product. It’s going to be a constant companion for you. For 30 days straight, you’ll get lesson after lesson, teaching you what to do every step of the way. Every single day, it will tell you what to do to get your ex-boyfriend back. Every single day, you’ll get a new lesson. It’s a constant companion.
It’s constantly there, checking your work, making sure you’re on point, that you have the right rules and what to do in every single situation. I am working on it for months now. I work on it a little bit every day, trying to get it out there for you. This project that I’m working on is going to blow my ebook out of the water.
My ebook is good, but this project is even better. There is nothing online like this. There has never been anything like this. I’ve looked everywhere. There is nothing like this course that I’m coming out with. It’s not due to come out yet for a month from now.
If you are interested right now and want a step-by-step game plan on how to get your ex-boyfriend back, please go to the show notes of this episode and I will have information for you on how to get my book. I will give you a link to the page that explains what the book is about and the results that it has had.
That’s it for Episode 17 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I really hope that you’ve enjoyed this. I always like talking about the no contact rule and the two-pronged approach.