I haven’t really had a podcast episode focusing solely on the no contact rule yet have I?

Ah, what the heck lets create one.

In today’s episode we hear from Christina (hey, that’s my wife’s middle name) a woman who,

  • Broke up with her ex boyfriend 3 weeks ago.
  • Today is the first day of her no contact period.
  • She also wants to buy my book.

After some thought I decided to make this episode solely about the no contact rule because Christina is just starting hers and I would like to explain the immense benefits to starting a no contact period.

What I Cover In This Episode

  • The “two pronged approach” the no contact rule accomplishes.
  • The benefits of doing a no contact rule.
  • Pressing the reset button on your relationship.
  • The different types of NC (30 days, 21 days, etc.)
  • The emotional state your ex has to be in to want to take you back.

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Is This Process A Waste Of Your Time?
Find Out Here

The Two Pronged Approach Of The No Contact Rule

two prongs

The two pronged NC rule effect is an idea I came up with a long time ago. The truth is that I never wanted to let anyone in on it so it wouldn’t mess up with it happening naturally but I have decided to scrap that and just let you in on it.

The two prongs of the no contact rule are,

  1. It helps you get him back.
  2. Builds emotional confidence capital

Lets take a moment to dive into each of these “prongs.”

Prong One- NC Helps You Get Him Back

This one is pretty obvious.

You will notice in the episode I talk about how the time during the no contact rule can help “ease things” a bit and can even slow down the anger. .

I get into this idea that really getting your ex boyfriend back is a function of his emotional state. He will be a lot easier to get back if he is in a happy emotional state as opposed to a negative one. Well, the no contact rule can help facilitate a move from a negative state (the male state after a breakup) to a positive state (the male state after NC.)

Oh, and how can I forge the added benefit that it could make him miss you.

Lets move on to the second prong.

Prong Two- NC Gives You Time To Build Emotional Confidence Capital

Getting an ex back in general is hard.

No one has a magic 8 ball that can give you all the answers.

So, internally you have to be prepared with the possibility that things may not work out for you. So, the no contact rule allows you time to focus on yourself and do things that will enrich your life. Plus it has that added benefit of ignoring him for a while.. For example, it allows you to go to the gym and get in the best shape of your life. This will have a positive impact on you and as a result your confidence will grow.

Hence the name “emotional confidence capital.”

The idea is that you gain enough capital that you can move on without moving on and we all know what happens then.

Statistically your chances of getting an ex back improve drastically.

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Episode 17 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Today we’re going to be talking about the no contact rule and the importance of it when it comes to trying to get your ex-boyfriend, husband or lover back. Today we’re going to hear from Christina. Her message is rather short but I think I figured out how to feature it.

Let’s listen to her message and then I’ll go from there:

“Hi, this is Christina. I broke up with my boyfriend three weeks ago. Sometimes we text each other but nothing gets done because he has a lot of influence from other friends. Today is the first day I didn’t text him. I would like to purchase your recovery book and see if it works.”

Thanks for the message, Christina. I’m really glad to have you here on the podcast. I listened to your message. For those of you listening, I just received Christina’s message today. It seems like today is the first day that Christina is going to be trying out the no contact rule.

She probably went to my website, read the tactics that help get an ex-boyfriend back and decided that the no contact rule was the way to go. She’s absolutely right. Today I’m going to be explaining the importance of it. I’m also going to dive into something that I’ve never talked about with the no contact rule and why I think it’s so effective..

We’ll start off with a bang here. The reason I love the no contact rule so much is that it gives you a two-pronged approach to your love life. It attacks your ex-boyfriend in two different ways. The first way is that it will help you get him back.

The second way is a way that I never talk about to people. I don’t want them to be aware of it. I want it to happen naturally without me trying to explain it. The jig is up. I’m going to explain it to you now. The first way that the no contact rule can be a success for you is that it can help you get him back. The second way is that it builds emotional confidence capital.

This episode is going to be structured differently because Christina didn’t give me a question with a lot of substance where I could dive into her situation. Nevertheless, I’m going to try to make the no contact rule a little bit more clear and effective.. I’ll hopefully convince the women who are on the fence about using it to actually use it.

This episode will be divided into two categories with two prongs. There is the helping you get your ex back section. Then there is the emotional confidence capital section. The no contact rule works simultaneously to accomplish this.

Let’s start with what you’re most eager to hear about. Ironically, building emotional capital is what I’m more eager to talk about, but we’ll start with how it helps you get your ex-boyfriend back. The benefits of the no contact rule are immense.

When you go through a breakup, it’s probably one of the most stressful times that you will go through in life. There is a reason why the compare losing a job to a breakup. Breakups hurt. They hurt emotionally. They hurt physically. People sometimes do crazy things when they go through a breakup. It’s the way people act when they love someone so much and that person doesn’t want to be with them.

One of the benefits of the no contact rule is that it allows you to ease things down a bit. What do I mean when I say it allows you to ease things down a bit? It’s this idea that the emotional state of a man matters when you’re trying to get him back.

Imagine that you and your ex-boyfriend are dating. While he was dating you, he was happy. Then, as he grew dissatisfied or things happened in the relationship, the two of you broke up. During the breakup, he is at a highly emotional state. It’s not going to be easy to convince someone who is in a highly emotional negative state to get back with you.

The no contact rule allows time to go by so that your ex-boyfriend can get into a not-so-highly negative emotional state. He’ll level out a little bit. He’ll get back to the norm. He’ll get back to his normal self. After the no contact rule is over, you can work him to get him into a highly emotional positive state. When a man is in a highly emotional positive state, he’s a lot easier to get back than when he’s in a highly emotional negative state.

This is the common mistake that many women make when they beg for their ex-boyfriends back immediately after the breakup. Of course he’s not going to want to get back with you. He’s in a highly emotional negative state. In order to really convince him to get back with you, he has to be in a highly emotional positive state.

In order for him to get into that highly emotional positive state, he needs to level out first. I don’t think human emotions work where they, all of a sudden one day, go from a highly emotional negative state to a highly emotional positive state, unless you won the lottery. That’s the one exception. If you woke up one day and you won the lottery, I’m pretty sure that would put anyone in a good mood.

Benefit number one of how the no contact rule helps you get your ex back is that it helps ease things down a bit. It helps level him out. The other benefit here is that it allows your ex-boyfriend to miss you. Too many times, women are overbearing with their exes after a breakup. They contact him to much.

They “gnat” him. I’ve coined that term. It’s like a gnat flying around your head. You’re constantly swatting at this gnat. It won’t go away. It’s buzzing in your ear. It’s annoying. You want to get away from it. That’s what you become to your ex-boyfriend if you constantly message him after the breakup. The no contact rule takes that out and allows for your ex-boyfriend to miss you.

No situation is like another situation. Getting your ex back is such a complex method. The theories that I’m describing are so complex that they can go off into hundreds of different possibilities. One possibility of the no contact rule is that it allows time to go by. As time goes by, your ex-boyfriend begins to think, “I kind of miss her.” That’s what you want. You want him to miss you. The no contact rule allows for that to happen.

Another reason that I like the no contact rule is that I compare it to hitting the reset button on a video game. My little brother and I would play the game Sonic the Hedgehog when we were kids. I know this is really nerdy for me to say. I probably shouldn’t bring it up because I’ll lose all credibility as an ex recovery expert. The way the game works is that you run and try to beat the level.

It’s like Super Mario. It’s a super-speed Super Mario game. The two of us were never able to beat the entire game. We would always die on levels. Eventually, we got so upset that we would turn the game console off. We would hit the reset button and start over again if we did things that we didn’t like. If we got into a situation that we knew we couldn’t get out of, we wanted to start over.

The no contact rule has some of that. If you successfully do the no contact rule, you don’t mess up and you don’t contact your ex during that time, it can really work in your favor. How? The reset button is effective for a number of different reasons. I explained the importance of the emotional state of your ex-boyfriend.

The reset button allows you to reset your ex-boyfriend’s emotional state. The reset button is equal to the no contact rule here. I’m not going to say that it’s completely like a video game where you reset and you’re able to start over from the beginning. The slate is wiped completely. The no contact rule is not like that exactly. But it allows you to start over from a point that’s not as bad as when you started.

In my mind, when you’re looking at getting an ex-boyfriend back, this is solid gold. It’s going to be easier to start over from a place that’s not equal to you both yelling at each other. Maybe it’s equal to you being on speaking terms. Maybe they’re not the greatest terms. You’ll have to work after the no contact rule to build up that attraction. I explain that in my ebook. I’ll talk a bit about that at the end of the episode.

The no contact rule equals a reset button.

There are two different types of no contact rules that I’m going to recommend to you. There’s a 30 day no contact period, which is probably the one that I recommend the most. Then there is the 21 day no contact period. You are always going to start out with the 30 day no contact rule.

This is something that I’ve learned over years of experience, through watching women implement the no contact rule. Let’s say that, around day five, your ex-boyfriend contacts you. It was in a positive way. He says, “Hey, I miss you.” Then, on day seven, he contacts you again with the same message. “Hey, I miss you.”

Then, on day 10, he contacts you and says, “I miss you.” At this point, he has given you three positive actions, telling you that the no contact rule is working here. In that case, you can move the no contact rule down from 30 days to 21 days. It’s like you get rewarded for your ex’s good behavior.

There is also a wrinkle in here that you can use to get the no contact rule down to three days. This is interesting. Imagine that you’re doing the no contact rule. Around day 10, your ex-boyfriend contacts you seven times, either through text messages, phone calls or Facebook. They’re all positive. They’re all of the “I miss you” level. They might say, “Come back. Why are you ignoring me? Please talk to me. I miss you.”

He does that seven times. He takes seven actions in one day. That’s a lot of action. That’s a lot of positive capital that you’re building up. Only in this case if he creates seven actions in one day can you move the no contact rule down to three days.

Thirty days is the standard no contact rule. If he creates three positive actions in the 30 days, you can move that from 30 days to 21 days. If he creates seven positive actions in one day, you can move the no contact rule from 30 days to 3 days.

Let’s talk about the positive actions he could potentially do. I don’t think it’s hard to explain this aspect to you. A positive action is a positive action. He sends you text messages that say, “I miss you.” He calls and leaves a really sweet voicemail. Stuff of that nature is a positive action towards him wanting or convincing you to come back to him. That’s a positive action.

What happens if he gives you negative actions? He might respond negatively to the no contact rule. He is angry at you. He is calling you names. He’s cursing at you. He’s saying negative things. In this case, you cannot move your no contact rule down. You keep it right at 30 days. Stick to your guns.

I created one episode about the no contact rule before. It was one on what to do if you work with your ex-boyfriend. I talked a little bit about this in that episode and the importance of not rewarding someone who is negative towards you. I explained that you wouldn’t reward a child for spilling milk on the carpet. You wouldn’t give him or her a cookie and say, “Good job. You spilled milk on the carpet. Now I have to clean it up.” You wouldn’t do that.

You would possibly punish, but you would continue to do what you’re doing, which is not to reward this person. It’s the same type of deal with your ex-boyfriend. We’re not going to reward your ex-boyfriend for lashing out at you just because you don’t want to talk to him. It sucks that he would react that way. Now you have an idea of how the no contact rule can help you and why it’s such a good idea.

Let’s talk about the second prong of the approach here. This is about building emotional confidence capital. When you look at ex recovery as a whole, I’m going to level with you. Your chances overall are not great. Most people don’t take their exes back. I understand this. I’m all about percentages. I’m all about how you can increase your chances of getting your ex back.

I can’t guarantee that you’re going to get your ex back. No one can. Anyone who tells you, “I guarantee you I will get your ex back 100% of the time,” is a flat out liar. You should run away from them immediately. The truth is, no one can guarantee that you can get your ex back. It’s too complicated of a situation. No one can mind control a human being. If you could, I would help you get your ex back and be a millionaire.

I’m into increasing your chances of getting your ex back. The no contact rule does that. I’ve weighed the benefits and the negatives. The no contact rule does do that. Overall, it increases your chances of getting your ex back. That’s what I’m all about.

In the unlikely event that it does not help you get your ex back, I also want you to work to build emotional confidence capital during the no contact rule. What is emotional confidence? You have 30 days for the no contact rule. Let’s say that you go to the gym every single day and reform your body. Let’s say that you lose 20 pounds in 30 days. That’s a big difference. You’re going to feel more confident during the no contact rule because of that.

If you’re doing things to heal yourself during the no contact rule, you are doing two things at once. You are helping get your ex-boyfriend back and you are also preparing yourself in a positive way if you don’t. What do I mean by that? Let’s say that you reacted very poorly after the breakup. You sat on the couch every day. You ate ice cream. You’re very disappointed.

You’re hurt. You spend all your time on the couch, eating. You gain 30 pounds in 30 days. I’m not sure if that’s possible. In any case, you are negatively impacting yourself. Too many people do negative things during the period after a breakup that hurt themselves.

I’m into doing positive things that will help you build yourself back up. You want to help heal yourself at the same time. It’s a two-pronged approach. It helps you move on without moving on from your ex-boyfriend. It also helps get your ex-boyfriend back. You’re prepared for both scenarios. It’s a beautiful thing when it works out.

I’ve had people come to me after the no contact rule and say, “I am so grateful that I found your website and your advice. I feel so great about myself. I don’t even want him back anymore. He actually came back to me but I denied him because I feel so great about myself.” These are the people who did such a good job at building emotional confidence capital.

They’re building emotional confidence during the no contact rule. That’s why I stress these things. Work out hard. Try to do things that improve yourself. If you do them, you’re attacking this situation in two different ways. You’re healing. You’re moving on without moving on. You’re also working to get your ex-boyfriend back. It’s a beautiful thing when it works out.

Of course, I’ve had people who’ve had the no contact rule blow up in their face. They don’t build the emotional confidence capital. Of course, I get blamed for it because I gave them bad advice. I’m not running some sort of lie factory here. I never told anyone that they can get their ex-boyfriend back 100% of the time.

I said, maybe it will increase your chances of getting your ex-boyfriend back. But you also have to work during the no contact rule. It’s hard work getting your ex-boyfriend back. What I’m explaining here with this two-pronged approach is that building emotional confidence capital helps you out no matter what. It’s something that you will always get back. That’s why it’s so important.

You’re here to learn about how to get your ex-boyfriend back. Maybe you’re here to learn how to get over your ex-boyfriend. I wrote an article on how to get over your ex-boyfriend. I’ll link to it in the show notes of this episode.

Now I want to talk a little bit about my book. Christina mentioned that she wanted to buy my book to see if it worked. My book works in this way. It uses the no contact rule as a two-pronged approach to help you get your ex-boyfriend back and also prepare you for the possibility that you may not get him back. It prepares you in a positive way.

This is only 50% of the entire equation when it comes to getting your ex-boyfriend back. The other 50% what to say, what to do, how to work a situation, how to properly text, what to expect when texting, how to set up a date and what to do on a date. There are all of those things and a lot of situations, like what to do if he has a girlfriend. That is the beauty of my book.

It focuses on both sides. Fifty percent is the no contact rule and the two-pronged approach. Fifty percent is what to do after the no contact rule. That is just as important as the no contact rule if you really want to increase your chances of getting your ex-boyfriend back. That’s why this book has continually made sales since its inception.

I’m currently working on a very interesting product. It’s going to be a constant companion for you. For 30 days straight, you’ll get lesson after lesson, teaching you what to do every step of the way. Every single day, it will tell you what to do to get your ex-boyfriend back. Every single day, you’ll get a new lesson. It’s a constant companion.

It’s constantly there, checking your work, making sure you’re on point, that you have the right rules and what to do in every single situation. I am working on it for months now. I work on it a little bit every day, trying to get it out there for you. This project that I’m working on is going to blow my ebook out of the water.

My ebook is good, but this project is even better. There is nothing online like this. There has never been anything like this. I’ve looked everywhere. There is nothing like this course that I’m coming out with. It’s not due to come out yet for a month from now.

If you are interested right now and want a step-by-step game plan on how to get your ex-boyfriend back, please go to the show notes of this episode and I will have information for you on how to get my book. I will give you a link to the page that explains what the book is about and the results that it has had.

That’s it for Episode 17 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I really hope that you’ve enjoyed this. I always like talking about the no contact rule and the two-pronged approach.

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138 thoughts on “EBR 017: The Importance Of The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    Sana

    July 7, 2017 at 8:41 am

    Plz help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2017 at 5:10 pm

      Hi sana,

      Check this one:
      Does Begging For Your Ex Back Even Work?

  2. Avatar

    Sana

    July 7, 2017 at 8:39 am

    N one more thing it’s been 7months since he broke up with me all m doin is pleading begging crying n asking him to get back but he is just not ready, he says he still loves me n we still meet like old times at his place n end up getting close again he doesn’t hv control over that but he is not giving me commitment n Jst simply asking me again n again to leave him

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2017 at 5:10 pm

      Hi sana,

      Check this one:
      Does Begging For Your Ex Back Even Work?

  3. Avatar

    Sana

    July 7, 2017 at 8:36 am

    M in a 10 yrs of relationship m engaged to him however now he broke up with me n he says he wants to focus on his career n having an affair with a girl from his profession he says she is helping me making my career as she but me n her rnot dating n stuff we r just good friends we only work together but I cannot marry u cz of my career front he ask me to move onn n I cannot do this .

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2017 at 5:10 pm

      Hi sana,

      Check this one:
      Does Begging For Your Ex Back Even Work?

  4. Avatar

    Sara allexandra

    June 16, 2017 at 5:08 pm

    Hey chris,
    My ex boyfriend and I were dating for a year and half. He broke with me one time before . I used on him the no contact rule than he came back after 4 months. Now he broke up with me again. But this time we had huge fight. He called me names. And pretending stories. As if I was cheating on him. But I didn’t. He also blocked me on everything in social media and his number. Its been now 4 months after the breakup. Itried to come back to him on many ways. But it still that he has anger. Yesterday I spoke with his uncle. And his uncle tried to talk to him about me. So he got angry again and was yelling . even he sent me message trying to hurt me throu words. Please help me I don’t know what to do specially I do love him.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2017 at 6:55 pm

      first, dont involve othet people.. You have to stop chasing and begging.. thr more you do no nc the less it can help.. so start a 45 day nc.. do it properly, dont stop improving and take it slow in building rapport

  5. Avatar

    Fede

    June 5, 2017 at 1:08 pm

    Hi! My ex brokup 4 months for trust reasons. After that I reacted like “yeah, I’m happy” and then after two week I started to do ALL the possible mistakes, from begging to asking her to come back, to give her presents, writing her every single day (she always answered) for all the 4 months. I also went to her city to have a date with her (she went out for dinner and act like she was hardly flirting, but then stopped when I tried to kiss her) and, at last, when he told me “is better if we don’t text each other anymore”, I gave her a bag with 15 letters made of gifts, romantic phrases or cd musics and texts… and at last one letter where I told her that i miss her, she’s the one, i think her, i ask to come back, i told her that she feels something because she’s behavior prove it, that I don’t see other girls, that I did a lot for her, that we will never be friends, thanks to what she gave me and that i feel bad and so i should start to forget her…. 🙁 what can I do now? I know she opened this letter 1st june but I gave it to her on the 14May. Since the 14May I did not write her. Now I don’t know if I have to go on with no contact or if is it better that I write her a clean state text telling her (contradictory) that I hope we will be friends and I am moving on. And after that starts the no contact from the beginning. What do you think (even in general?) 🙁 Thankssss

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 7, 2017 at 3:38 pm

      Hi Fede,

      send the clean slate text and then start the no contact rule

  6. Avatar

    loraine

    May 5, 2017 at 3:34 am

    I had been successfully 12 days into NC when I had a sad day and called the ex’s number and hung up after 1 ring, just to see what he would do if he saw a missed call. Well he txt straight away, saying he would call as soon as he could at work. Then i was mad at myself for breaking NC and didnt want him to call so i replied thati had dialled by mistake and no need for him to call. He replied ok, hope you are well. I replied you too, and left it at that. He sent another message just askign about my sick dog but i havent replied, not sure what to do now?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 5, 2017 at 4:35 pm

      answer about your dog and then end the conversation at that and restart nc..

  7. Avatar

    Samantha

    February 12, 2017 at 3:51 am

    Hi there,

    My boyfriend and I started long distance for 2 years until he left his hometown to be with me and we lived together for 2 years. So, we had been together a total of 4 years but recently my emotional volality drove him away. I was suffering from depression and took out a lot of my emotional rollercoaster on him. He has now moved out and says he wants to find himself again and regain his happiness that I took away by being controlling. He also says that he firmly believes I took his love for granted and didn’t recognize everything he gave up to me with me. We have now been broken up for 4 months and the texting and calling his been GNATTY on my end. He used to respond, but just this past weekend he blocked me and says that I haven’t respected giving him space at all. I’ve been so overbearing and all he wants is peace. He says he still loves me and we are in a break. However, people tell him that sometimes we aren’t destined to be with the one we love. It seems like he is throwing me on these rollercoaster where he doesnt even know what he wants. He is now just going out drinking every weekend with his friends and going on adventures. He has blocked me on every single thing and seems very annoyed and says he “isn’t in a position to talk about our relationship” and he doesn’t have to answer any of my questions. What do you think I should do? Is there still hope?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 13, 2017 at 7:47 pm

      Hi Samantha,

      do you want to try the no contact rule? If you are, do at least 45 days, have professional help for depression too and be very active in improving yourself, and in posting your activities in social media even if you’re blocked..

  8. Avatar

    Jen

    January 9, 2017 at 7:27 pm

    I’m on day 5 of no contact.
    I am trying not to focus on him and focus on myself instead. I’ve been going to the gym, eating healthy, and just really taking care of myself and bettering myself. I’ve been doing things I enjoy a lot too like reading, watching movies, and hanging out with friends.
    I must admit that I’m afraid that he’ll move on since I’m not reaching out. I’m afraid because 80% of the time I reach out first. We’ve never been in a relationship but we’ve been fwb for a little over a year now. I really want to be in a relationship with him but he says that he doesn’t have time and I think he’s not completely over his ex. However I know that he’s had really strong feelings for me(may still have). He told me he used to (we got into a big argument once in which he didn’t talk to me for two weeks and told me that the argument really diminished those feelings). I just want to know if I should continue with the no contact and if there’s any way to get him to commit to me?

    Btw he just texted me. We had a small argument the last time we talked to which he apologized via text. I apologized as well and that was the last I heard from him (I started the no contact) until now. I know that I shouldn’t break but he apologized again and said he hoped all was well with me. Should I respond or continue with no contact? If I don’t respond won’t he think that I’m still upset with him?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2017 at 7:43 pm

      you already apologizee to each other about it. He’s just using it to start a conversation..so, nope.. dont reply..

  9. Avatar

    Rae

    December 27, 2016 at 5:29 am

    the question is and also I wonder, we were justy together for three months but we didnt meet regularly although we msg each other every day, and we had happy times, and I treated him so well, but he thought i didnt meet him often I trivialised his feelings which he dislike, also before we brike up we had two weeks didnt see each other.
    what I want to say is: is it 30 NC is too long for us, I m afraid he will loss feelings for us. ( I m sure if I msg him he will respond me now, now I have one week NC I can do it for 30 sayd tho, but just afraid like what I said, he will loss feelings) he is a bit immature tho. now I have folloing the rules, I post fun pics on social media, and he liked one of my pic, I felt happy maybe is really like what the theories say: he wants me to msg him first, he was th eon e initially broke up with me. although I talked to him after broke up one week, I told him Im not happy without him, and he made me happy, he replied, I made him happy too, I know is not negative, so now I have been improving myslef and restart the NC for a week .

    but if he still dosnt msg me first during the 30 days NC should I msg him first, and what should I say to him, becasue we were not together for a long time so i worry now! and also he said we d better be friends, I dont understand it

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2016 at 5:20 am

      Hi Rae,

      you need to check this one:
      Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

  10. Avatar

    Priya

    October 3, 2016 at 4:25 am

    I was in a live in relationship with my guy for 8 months ever since we met. We had a fight and I was in the verge of losing my job. His parents suggested him to move out and see if things are fine for a couple of months. We moved out. I lost my job. He knew I am staying to work out things with him. I was about to move back to my country .Ever since we moved out, he said he needed time and was very unstable. I became a gnat. We broke up. One day he ended up telling he wanted me but he fucked up by being active on dating apps and it was a mistake. I was hurt but still forgave him and spoke about it. After that also we were in contact but one day he says he needs time and another day he doesn’t see us working out. Then I came across the NC rule. It’s going to be 2 weeks now since I started the NC. He calls or texts everyday but it is very mixed or diplomatic. Planning to go back to my country during NC for good. Not sure how long the NC should be or is it okay to complete the NC and then go back /complete it after I go back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 5, 2016 at 8:41 pm

      Hi Priya,

      I’m not sure I understand your question. What do you mean that you would complete it after you go back? You mean you would break it now? And then you would restart that count when you go back to your home country?

  11. Avatar

    Nidhi

    September 4, 2016 at 1:09 pm

    Hi Chris, Me and my ex bf were in 3year long relationship, we were also doing bit a lot of fights now and then because he used to be busy and i needed his time. He broke up wid me 2 months back, its a kind of bad break up, we had a big fight. Now after that I m only one begging,pledding, messaging, calling i did for 2 months and he switched off his cell phone for few days just to be in peace. He said he dnt wanna be wid me, he always say bad words just to hurt me, he also deleted our old pics and videos it mad me out. I last time asked him that will he forgive me, he said no chance he never wanna ve wid me. I m in touch wid his younger brother who kindda support me and tells me about him. He is not in a relationship with some one else. He is 35yrs and I m 27years old. He said we have age difference and we dnt have a match. Now i started ncr and I m almost done with 10days. He haven’t deleted me from his fb account, i feel like he kinda check me coming online or may be my profile. But he still mad at me. No msg or call affrontly in last 2 months. I m kinda worried may be he will move one and never talk to me again. Please help what to do??? I m still in ncr and continue with it.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 5, 2016 at 2:56 pm

      Hi Nidhi,

      do 45 days.. Ok. Getting real here. He has moved on. You have been chasing him for two months and all he wants to do is to get rid of you right? He thinks you’re chasing and it annoys him. Read this articles too so that you’ll know what to do now.
      OU DESPERATELY BEGGED FOR HIM BACK AND FAILED… I’M HERE TO FIX THAT

  12. Avatar

    Nidhi

    September 4, 2016 at 1:06 pm

    Hi Chris, Me and my ex bf were in 3year long relationship, we were also doing bit a lot of fights now and then because he used to be busy and i needed his time. I broke up wid him 2 months back, its a kind of bad break up, we had a big fight. Now after that I m only one begging,pledding, messaging, calling i did for 2 months and he switched off his cell phone for few days just to be in peace. He said he dnt wanna be wid me, he always say bad words just to hurt me, he also deleted our old pics and videos it mad me out. I last time asked him that will he forgive me, he said no chance he never wanna ve wid me. I m in touch wid his younger brother who kindda support me and tells me about him. He is not in a relationship with some one else. He is 35yrs and I m 27years old. He said he have age difference and we dnt have a match. Now i started ncr and I m almost done with 10days. He haven’t deleted me from his fb account, i feel like he kinda check me coming online or may be my profile. But he still mad at me. No msg or call affront in last 2 months. I m kinda worried may be he will move one and never talk to me again. Please help what to do??? I m still in ncr and continue with it.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 5, 2016 at 2:56 pm

      Hi Nidhi,

      do 45 days.. Ok. Getting real here. He has moved on. You have been chasing him for two months and all he wants to do is to get rid of you right? He thinks you’re chasing and it annoys him. Read this articles too so that you’ll know what to do now.
      OU DESPERATELY BEGGED FOR HIM BACK AND FAILED… I’M HERE TO FIX THAT

  13. Avatar

    Olivia

    August 25, 2016 at 12:06 am

    I would really appreciate it if someone gave me advice here. My ex and have been broke up for a little over a week now and I have been absolutely miserable the whole time, I miss him like crazy and I have no idea if he misses me which scares the hell out of me. We broke up because I’m too jealous and for what I have never regretted more in my life – I made a fake Facebook account to see what he would do and after him not flirting back or anything I forgot about it and then he sent “her” a friend request (which was because he was suspicious of “her”) and I accepted it then thought about it that whole night and the next day I confessed to him and he seemed really hurt and I felt so bad and still do that I can’t even explain it. After he told me he thought that we should have space from each other I started to cry my eyes out and he held me and told me he forgave me (I’m not sure if he really does) and told me everyone makes mistakes and that I shouldn’t beat myself up so much for it. The day after we talked and I told him how much I wanted to change and how hard I was going to work and that I loved him so much and that I don’t want to lose him and he said I know. He said hi to me a few days ago and called me a nickname and I replied saying hey but that was it. Now since that day I’ve implemented the no contact rule but I’m scared because he hasn’t tried to contact me since and I have no idea what I’m going to do or say after the month is up. We dated for almost 4 years and I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without him, we were perfect for each other and we never fought. I just made a terrible mistake and I really want to get him back. Please help, thanks

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2016 at 12:25 pm

      Hi Olivia,

      you had 4 years together..it’s not easy to forget..be active in social media so that he would see that you have your own life and think that you wouldnt act jealous anymore because you’re not acting insecure anymore

  14. Avatar

    Olivia

    August 23, 2016 at 3:49 pm

    My ex and I broke up a little over a week ago and I have been miserable since then and I don’t know what to do, because I want to get him back so bad. We broke up because I’m too jealous at times and because what I did which I am so ashamed and embarrassed about – I made a fake Facebook account to see what he would and after I tried to flirt with him with it he didn’t flirt back so I forgot about it but then he friend requested “her” and I accepted it but it was because he was suspicious and then I confessed to him and he seemed very hurt but he didn’t seem angry because once I started crying really hard he held me. He told me that he thinks we should take a break but he doesn’t know if he will want to date again. We dated for almost 4 years. I’m 18 and he’s turning 21 soon. For the first two days I wasn’t doing well and I was telling him how sorry I was and how much I regretted it and he said everyone makes mistakes and he told me the day I confessed that he forgave but I’m not sure if he really does. For the past week I have been working really hard on controlling and getting rid of my jealousy but a day hasn’t gone by that I don’t cry my eyes out and think about how much I miss him and love him. He texted me good night a few days ago and I said good morning the next morning because he works really late and I was sleeping and then he said hi and called me a nickname he would always call me I said hey but he didn’t say anything else after that. That was the day before yesterday. Yesterday I started reading all about you and your advice and I’ve decided I want to try the no contact rule and I really hope it works because I have no idea what else to do. But the obstacle I’m facing is that his 21st is on the 17th of next month and I will find it so hard not to tell him happy birthday and send him a card. Should I stick with the NC through his birthday and not say happy birthday or anything? Even if he tries texting me during that time? I’m also wondering what to say after the NC. Please help, thank you.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2016 at 12:26 pm

      Hi Olivia,

      you had 4 years together..it’s not easy to forget..be active in social media so that he would see that you have your own life and think that you wouldnt act jealous anymore because you’re not acting insecure anymore

  15. Avatar

    Feeling lucky

    June 26, 2016 at 8:13 pm

    My boyfriend and I broke up.But now i can see some improvements in my relationship as while chatting on facebook he some times gets closers and confesses that he loves me,but after i start to act like normal as i used to be before he reminds me of break up and says we should maintain friendship,but he drinks too much saying that he is hurt for me.In short ,sometimes he is good and other times not good behaving with me.But he still wants to talk to me.So what should i do now?Wouldn’t no contact rule be too much for him?Or how should i convince him?Please help.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 28, 2016 at 12:50 pm

      HI Feeling lucky,

      when did you break up?

  16. Avatar

    Marri

    June 26, 2016 at 2:23 am

    Dear Chris,
    I have been searching your website like crazy for advice on my ex. we have only known each other for 6 months now but i feel like its really meant to be. he and i are very opposite we met on a college campus in my home town where i do not go to school but he does, when we first met he was chasing me for about 6 weeks, during those 6 weeks we hung out everyday and he was so respectful and never pressured me to be with him he always said good things take time. After the 6 weeks he and i started our relationship. we were together all the time to the point where i was living in the dorm room with him for the rest of the school semester. we are very opposite he would rather show me affection than talk about his feelings. recently he moved back to his home state for the summer and i move back to the city (6 hours from the college campus) with the hope we were going to do long distance. for the first month we were perfect always talking and he was always telling me he missed me. then out of nowhere he started acting so weird and eventually asked me if we could just be friends. now here i am writing to you, every time we have talked so far i have texted him and he acts like he doesn’t care for me or have the time though i know that isn’t the case, i started the no contact rule 3 days ago but i fear he won’t reach out to me he is very stubborn and petty, i really feel like he’s different and won’t fall for some of these tactics. i really need you help so i can make him realize we should stay together also your thoughts on long distance.he has 2 more years of college left, how can i make him come back to me. Anything will help me at this point.
    Thank you,
    Marri

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 28, 2016 at 12:19 pm

  17. Avatar

    Rebeca

    April 28, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    Hi Chris, my bf of almost 2 years broke up with me because he doesn’t want a relationship and “doesn’t love me the way I love him”. We decided to go on a break, he said to see if it would help us. After 3 weeks of no contact, I told him it was time to make a decision. He told me he wants to move on. I told him let’s work it out but he just said no it wouldn’t work. I am devastated. He said we’ll still be friends but I don’t want that. He’s a Capricorn if that helps with anything (stubborn). I love him so much and I just want him back. He keeps saying we can’t work it out because he’s been feeling distant from me for months. But I’m changing, I’m less dramatic now. Do you think there’s any way I can get him back? He kept all these secrets to himself so I didn’t know anything was wrong. Do you think I can anything to get him back?

  18. Avatar

    Fernanda

    April 27, 2015 at 10:21 pm

    Hello there. I hope youre doing well.
    First off, thanks for the space. And I really think I will need it, haha.
    I think I just made a huge mistake. My bf broke up with me and we have been on the NC period for 2 days now and HE just texted me: “how are you?”. I took 6 hours to reply him and, according to what I’ve read online in these past 2 days, I tried to show him that I was alright, saying “Hi! I am good and you?” And he said “Good”. Then, I didnt say anything anymore. Errr… Now I see that I should have ignored his text, but he knows I would answer even a spam text, cause it is really not my type to ignore anyone at all… Maybe I destroyed everything?
    P.s.: Considering that we live in different countries for now. NC wont make him just vanish me from his life? Also considering that he is going thru a very stress in his family, with lots of big problems. Maybe this caused a mental confusion, since he is always stressed and sad?

  19. Avatar

    Susan

    April 24, 2015 at 12:21 am

    Hi Chris,

    I left a message on your podcast yesterday, but I am not sure how I will know you have responded to it. Please advise. Thanks.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 24, 2015 at 10:46 pm

      Usually if I respond to it I will just post it to the website.

  20. Avatar

    Brooke

    April 22, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    Okay Chris, I have been going for a week strong on the NC rule and so far, I have not had an urge to give in. Thank god. But I did leave a voicemail saying last time him and I spoke was for an hour and a half on the phone.. Three weeks after the break up and he told me he just didn’t care about me anymore and so on. And that he doesn’t see a future with me, nor will he ever. That’s why my last resort is no contact. But I’ve read on websites that when you send the first text after the 31 days, you should send, “Hey! I know this is a bit random, but I just wanted to say thanks for all the great times we spent together. I’ve learned a lot from our relationship, and I’m moving on. I hope we can still be friends down the road, though. Anyway, hope all is well with you.:)” just to show that you have moved on and it instilled fear of loss in him.. Reverse psychology in a way? And I don’t know if I send that, that he would be positive with that response as in, “yes, she’s finally moved on.” Or the fear of loss.. I’m worried. What do you think??

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2015 at 12:30 am

      Hi Brooke,

      Sorry its been so hectic lately.

      I still haven’t forgotten you though.

      Where did you read that advice?

      As a guy if I received that I would just think to myself, “she is trying too hard to impress me.”

      That’s just my opinion though.

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