The no contact rule is one of the most popular strategies out there.
Well, today I tackle it!
We hear from Katelyn, a woman who actually works with her ex and is wondering how the heck she is going to do the no contact rule if she works with him. It’s pretty funny, I am actually working on a massive article right now that is covering this exact situation in-depth.
I plan to have that article released by Friday but until then I am going to tackle it in the podcast!
What I Talk About In This Episode
- What the no contact rule is.
- If you should break it for holidays or birthdays.
- A never before seen NC tactic (I have literally never talked about this on the site before.)
- What to do if you work with an ex.
- My E-Book and how it can help you.
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
Katelyn is on the verge of buying my book so call me selfish but I talked a little about it in the episode so I am going to talk about it here,
I also mentioned the importance of getting reviews for the podcast. You can find my Podcast on iTunes and leave a review here,
I am going to compile a list of the most popular articles I have written on the NC rule since I couldn’t really game-plan for Katelyn in this episode,
- The NC Rule
- How To Handle Every Situation In The No Contact Rule
- What If He Doesn’t Contact You During NC
- The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO
In this episode Katelyn was wondering if she should buy my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
Well, allow me to take a few moments tell you a little about it.
PRO was designed to be a step by step guide to hold your hand through the entire process of getting your boyfriend back.
Here are some of the things it includes,
- What to do during the no contact rule.
- What to do after the no contact rule.
- How to become an Ungettable Girl.
- A mock “get your ex back” campaign.
- Specific types of text messages to send to your ex.
If you are interested in picking up Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO the simply click the link below,
Welcome to Episode 9 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I’m very excited to have you here. Today we’re going to be talking about a pretty interesting subject. I know I say that every day, but without a doubt, this is one of the most asked-about topics. I should know, I’ve dealt with over 40,000 comments on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. Without a doubt, the majority of them ask this question.
No contact. This is about the no contact rule. Today, we’re going to hear from a woman named Caitlyn. She has a bit of an issue with the no contact rule, specifically if she should use it at work and how to navigate that situation. Let’s hear from Caitlyn:
“I’m pretty interested in buying your book. But, this whole 30 day no contact period, does that work if you work with the person you’re trying to get back? If you have the same job and you have no choice but to see them all the time, how do you approach that situation? Is this book still going to work for me?”
Thanks, Caitlyn, for your voicemail. This question couldn’t have come at a better time. Right now as we speak, I’m working on an article specifically about this situation. It’s about the situations where no contact can’t be used successfully, what to do and how to adapt. It’s crazy that you asked this question. This morning, I was writing about this very topic.
What do you do about the no contact rule if you work with your ex? I noticed you didn’t ask how to get back with your ex. You asked more of a general question about the no contact rule.
You’re also wondering about my book, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. For those of you who are first-time listeners, I wrote a book called Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. It helps you get your ex back. It’s a step-by-step guide. I’ll talk a little bit about that later.
Right now, I want to focus in on the no contact rule. Like I said earlier, you didn’t really ask a game plan related question. Today, instead of giving you a specific game plan, that section will be taken over by Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. I’m going to talk about how that can help you. Again, I don’t want to by pitchy or spammy. I just want to focus on unique content here and how to best help you and the listeners.
Let’s focus in on the no contact rule. What is it? I like to define the no contact rule as a period of time that you choose where you completely cut your ex out of your life in every form imaginable. You don’t see him. You don’t contact him. If he contacts you, you ignore him. If he calls you, you ignore him. If he messages you on Facebook, you ignore him. You ignore him everywhere. If he shows up at your door, he forced your hand. We’ll talk a little bit about that later. Generally speaking, that rarely happens.
The purpose of the no contact rule is to reset things. After a breakup, there are a lot of emotions involved. Sometimes time can help bring everyone down to a level where they’re thinking more logically.
Emotions are important when you want to get your ex back, but logic is also important. The no contact rule works on two fronts. It helps you make your ex miss you. It brings him down to a more logical level where he’s not so angry about the breakup. It also allows you time to work on yourself, improve yourself and become the un-gettable girl. That is a topic that I talk about in my ebook.
I’ve always been a fan of examples. Anytime that someone gives an example, I learn better. I want to give you an example of a time where the no contact rule would work perfectly. Let’s say that you and I are dating and we just went through a breakup. The breakup was really bad. I was really angry at you. I was fighting with you all the time. It just wasn’t working out so we went our separate ways.
You decide to use the no contact rule on me. You decide that you want to use it on me for 30 days, which is my general recommendation. It’s a 30 day no contact rule. Around day 10, I’m starting to think, “What the heck? Is she ignoring me? She must be ignoring me on purpose.” So I send you a text message to break the ice. It’s a simple text message that just says, “Hey.” No response. A day later, I send another text message. “Hey, what’s up?” No response. Now I’m starting to get a little bit worried. I’ve never had a girl do this to me before. What does it mean?
It starts to make a man look at you in a different light than he looked at you before. Most women, when they go through a breakup, start begging. They make all the cardinal sins. They’re begging. They’re needy. They’re clingy. They’re just not attractive. Neediness is the opposite of attractiveness.
The no contact rule is almost like pressing the reset button and starting over. You’re giving yourself a chance from the get-go to re-attract your ex. That can work if you do it correctly. Here’s the funny part. Most women will fail. If you’re listening to this, in my experience, 90% of the women that I deal with fail at the no contact rule. Why is that? That can only be explained by looking at your brain, more specifically, the area of your brain that lights up when you think about an ex.
Yesterday, I read an interesting article about your brain and what happens to it during a breakup. They did a study of a lot of people who were in the beginning stages of a breakup, when they would be thinking about their ex. These people reported that, at the beginning stages of the breakup, 80% of their waking hours were spent thinking about their ex. Think about that. Eighty percent of the time that they were awake, not sleeping, their mind was on their ex.
The scientist decided, “Let’s do a study on them. Let’s figure out what happens in a human’s brain when they go through a breakup.” Here is the interesting part. The area of the brain that lights up after a breakup when you think about your ex is the same area of the brain that lights up when someone has a drug addiction.
That is why the no contact rule is so hard. The no contact rule is forcing you to kick your drug habit. Your drug habit is your ex. Most women who attempt the no contact rule fail because it’s almost like an addiction. Talking to their ex, thinking about their ex and being clingy with their ex feeds that addiction.
Here’s the funny part. The people who listen to my advice and actually implement the no contact rule from start to finish have a much higher success rate of getting their exes back than the people who don’t. Why is this?
I like to talk about it as the zig and zig method. Everyone who wants to get their ex back always approaches it in the same way. They beg. They write a letter. They write a long email. They say, “Forgive me. I was wrong.” It just goes on. That is what an ex-boyfriend is expecting to happen.
I remember when I went through my very first breakup. That’s what I was expecting to happen. And it happened. But when it doesn’t happen, it shocks an ex-boyfriend’s system. It makes him look at you in a higher way. You’re of higher value to him. That’s what the no contact rule attempts to accomplish.
I get a lot of questions about the no contact rule on a daily basis. Without a doubt, the number one question is about holidays or birthdays. They say, “My ex-boyfriend has a birthday that falls on the no contact rule. Am I allowed to break it?” No. The no contact rule specifically states that you cannot contact your ex at all.
Of course, there is one exception. This is a tactic that I have never even talked about on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. This is only for the podcast listeners. It’s going to stay that way for a while. We’re on virgin ground right here. What I’m about to talk to you about, I’ve never told the millions of people who have visited my website. I’ve never told them about this. Here’s a handy little trick about the no contact rule.
We have to remember what we’re attempting with the no contact rule. You’re trying to get your ex back. If we’re operating under the assumption that we are trying to get your ex back, then what happens when your ex-boyfriend starts begging for you back during the no contact rule?
Should you just continue with no contact? When I first started Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, I thought you should. But experience has taught me otherwise. Experience has taught me that if your ex-boyfriend is begging and wants you back, you’ve already accomplished your goal. No contact has already done its job. You can break no contact, but under these specific rules.
Let’s say you are attempting a 30 day no contact period. There are many different types of no contact periods. I like to recommend 30 days because I think that 60 or 90 days is far too long. Believe it or not, after a certain period of time, your ex’s interest in you will dip. It’s not going to be as high. Let’s operate under the assumption that you are doing a 30 day no contact rule.
Let’s say that around day seven your ex-boyfriend texts you saying, “Hey, I’m sorry. Can we talk?” You don’t respond. A few minutes later, he texts you again. “Hey, I really want to talk to you.” No response. He texts you again. This is the third text now. “Hey, I am really sorry. I want to talk about us. I want to talk about our relationship. I think we can fix things.” No response. He texts you again. We’re up to four texts. “Hey, please, please, please call me. Talk to me.” If this happens to you seven times in one day, you can shift your no contact rule from 30 days to 3 days.
Let me give you an example. Let’s say that you are doing the 30 day no contact rule on me. At around day five of the no contact rule, I send you five text messages and two phone calls. They’re all in a positive manner. They’re all geared towards me wanting you back. In that case, you can shift your no contact rule from 30 days down to 3 days. Around day five was when all of this occurred. That means you would have only three days left of no contact before you can talk to me again. That’s enough time for me to process things and for you to feel like you’re going to be of higher value to me.
Here’s an interesting point that I’d like to make about that. What’s really important is the fact that seven actions have to be taken by your ex. They all need to be positive. In other words, if it’s four messages and three phone calls, you’ve hit seven. If it’s six text messages and one phone call, you’ve hit seven. They all have to be positive. They all have to be geared towards him wanting you back.
If they’re negative, like he’s using profanity, cursing you out or being angry or mad at you, we do not reinforce bad behavior. Treat him like you would a child. If a child acts up, you do not give the child a cookie. If the child spills food on the floor or breaks something, you’re not going to give the child a cookie. So, why the heck would you give your ex a cookie, which would be you contacting him? Why would you give him that when he’s acting up and saying mean things to you? The seven actions have to be positive. That’s the only way it works.
That’s the general overview of the no contact rule, plus a little nugget of knowledge for those of you who are super heavy users of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery website.
Let’s talk specifically about what to do if you’re in a situation where you work with your ex. It’s kind of hard to do no contact in that situation. You have to do something I like to call limited contact. What is limited contact? It’s essentially the same thing as the no contact rule with a few differences. The differences are where you are forced to interact with your ex.
Let’s say that you are working with your ex-boyfriend at a balloon shop. I don’t know why I picked a balloon shop. It’s the first thing that popped into my mind. He comes over and says, “Hey, I need you to air up these six balloons.” Are you supposed to just walk off and ignore him? No. That’s rude. Our job with the no contact rule is supposed to alienate your ex but it’s not supposed to do it in a super mean way. Remember, the goal here is to get him back, not to make him so angry that he never wants you back.
You want to limit the conversation with him. Keep it strictly about business. If he turns the conversation to your relationship, give him a one-word answer. How you say this one-word answer is important. If he says, “Hey, do you remember that time that we went on the hot air balloon?” You don’t say, “Yes, I remember that time! That was great!” Simply look at him with a smile and a bubbly attitude and say, “Yes.” It’s just one word.
He will not know how to react to that. How do you react to that? He’s going to understand that something is wrong. Men have this innate need to fix things. You want him to try to fix things with you. It’s going to put him in a position where he’s going to think, “Something is wrong with her but she seems kind of happy about it.” It’s almost like he doesn’t really know how to size you up. No one reacts that way. One-word answers are important.
Another interesting thing you can do at work to make the limited no contact rule very effective is to use jealousy. This is really important. Jealousy is like playing with fire. If you can control the jealousy and the fire, it can be extremely effective. But if it gets out of hand, it will burn the whole forest down. We don’t want to burn the whole forest down. We want you to get your ex back. We don’t want your ex to get so mad that he never wants to look at you or talk to you again.
How do you use jealousy in this way? If you’re working with your ex then you’re most likely going to see him on a daily basis or at least on a weekly basis. After the breakup is so fresh, he’s going to be hyper sensitive to everything you do. If you even just talk to another guy in front of him, he might get a little jealous, specifically if you laugh at the other guy’s jokes, lightly touch him on the shoulder or hand. It’s very subtle.
If you can do this very subtly in front of your ex, you’ll incite some jealousy in him. You want him to feel jealous. If he’s jealous, it means he still cares about you. If he still cares about you, you’re on the pathway to potentially getting him back.
Those are my top tips for using the limited no contact rule at work. Let’s recap so that I really hit the point home and the listeners can understand what I’m getting at. With limited contact at work, you want to avoid conversation as much as you can. If you’re forced to talk to him, that’s okay. Keep it strictly about business. If he brings up your relationship with him at all, one-word answers are great. The way you say the one-word answer is really important. Also try some jealousy tactics.
I realize I wasn’t specific when I said, “Keep it strictly about business.” Let’s go back to the balloon shop example and your ex-boyfriend is your boss or colleague. He tells you, “I need you to fill up these six balloons.” You can look at him and say, “Okay, I’ll do that.” It’s strictly business. If he brings up a business related task like counting money or clearing the cash register, you are very nice. You are very polite.
You don’t want to let on that anything is wrong or that you’re hurting inside. You just keep it strictly about business. Use as little words as you can to get away with not sounding rude. Keep it strictly about business. Again, if he brings up the relationship, use one-word answers. I gave you the example about the hot air balloon. “Yes” is perfect. That will do.
I already covered jealousy. That’s what you do if you work with an ex. It’s pretty good information.
Let’s turn our attention to the ebook. Caitlyn asked a specific question about if the ebook would work for her situation. It will absolutely work for your situation. It’s tailored to work in pretty much any situation that there is. In fact, I’ve had five success stories in your exact situation in the last two months. These are women who have worked with their exes. Their exes had broken up with them and they’ve gotten their exes back. There are five success stories.
We talked a lot about no contact today. What you do during the no contact rule is vitally important to getting your ex back. Also what you do after it is just as important. I’d put them at 50% each. What you do during the no contact rule is 50% important. What you do after the no contact rule, how to contact him, what to do and say is also 50% important.
What I gave you, Caitlyn, is 50% of the equation. You need the other 50%, which you can find in the ebook, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. For those listeners who are interested, I will put a link to the ebook in the show notes of this episode. You can find that at www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode9.
That’s going to do it for this episode of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I really hope you’ve enjoyed today’s episode. I have something special planned for tomorrow. If you’re enjoying these episodes and you want more of them, I would appreciate it if you subscribed and reviewed my podcast. I will put information on how to do that in the show notes on the website.
Those reviews are really important for the survival of this podcast. It is very competitive out there. The only way that this podcast can continue to survive is if we get those reviews. I implore you to please leave a review for this podcast. An honest review is all I’m asking. If you don’t like it, that’s okay. If you like it, that’s great. Put it in there. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I will see you tomorrow for Episode 10.