EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule

Will Text Messages Be THE THING That Gets Your Ex Back?

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I have been doing this for a good four years now and there is one question that I get that always kind of irks me.

It’s not that it’s necessarily a bad question or even that it’s the most common situation people find themselves in. However, no matter what this one question seems to get asked on a daily basis.

Seriously!

Birthday1

Birthday2

Birthday3

So, what’s the question?

Ummm Chris.. My exes birthday happens during the no contact rule. Can I break it to wish him a happy birthday?

Hmm… how can I put this…

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I have probably told over a thousand women that over the years.

But you know what, maybe a man will soak in the information a bit better ๐Ÿ˜‰ .

(Pretty lame segue, huh?)

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Video For Episode 57: (Birthdays And The No Contact Rule)

You’ll notice that I have something new in front of my microphone in the video.

One of the biggest annoyances to filming these podcasts was the fact that the pop filter of my microphone obstructed so much of my face,

Screen Shot 2016-09-01 at 1.37.13 PM

Well, after much deliberation I came to the realization that I was going to have to get a new pop filter that didn’t obstruct my face at all. So, I went online, searched and eventually came across this bad boy,

Screen Shot 2016-09-01 at 1.39.52 PM

Yay!

Now you can actually see me when I talk so I don’t look like a robot.

Though now that I think about it maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to show you more of my face. You’ll be able to see every little imperfection or pimple I get.

OH NO!

Just kidding!

The Situation Anonymous Is Facing

  • He has literally just went through a breakup
  • He just started the no contact rule
  • His ex has a birthday coming up (next Wednesday) to be exact
  • He wonders if he should break the no contact rule (just this once) to wish his ex a happy birthday
  • He feels that if he doesn’t, if he ignores her, that she is going to take it the wrong way and become mad at him

The Things We Talk About In This Episode

  • If you are allowed to break the no contact rule to wish your ex a happy birthday
  • The protocol to follow if your exes birthday ends on the no contact rule
  • The idea of making sure every action you take has a positive impact on your own situation
  • How an ex is going to view you saying “happy birthday” to them
  • Why it’s a big mistake to break the no contact rule early
  • If an ex would ever not take you back because you didn’t wish them a happy birthday

The Transcript For Episode 57

Click Here To Download The Transcript For Episode 57

February 1, 2017

Will Text Messages Be THE THING That Gets Your Ex Back?

In so many of the success stories I’ve heard over the years, the primary way that the couple communicated was texting. Texts are short, simple and can lead to HUGE results if you can send the right text message, in the right situation. But it all depends on the inner-dynamics of your relationship.

We’ve put together a quiz, so you can find out if text messages will work for your individual situation. It’s a total of 19 questions, and only takes about 5 minutes to answer. Are you ready to know ?

Take 5 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Now!

What Do You Think? (78)

  1. Sassy - 0

    Sassy

    My husband and I where together for 7 years we got married in 2015. In 2016 one month before I one year marriage anniversary he decided to tell me that he didn’t love me anymore like you used to and cheated on me. It’s been a year in a month and he still with another woman lost his license to drinking and driving his family have distanced himself from him and he has pushed away from his friends. I’ve done the no call and think I may have messed it up and he has not interactive back with me as I nagged him when I saw them both together out. Now he won’t even return any of my texts. I need help to save my marriage. How long should i do the NC this time around and should i wish him a happybirthday?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sassy,

      how long did you do the no contact period before and how much did you improve? If you’re going to restart it, do at least 45 days and nope don’t greet him..

  2. Lara - 0

    Lara

    Hi, I’m in my 20 day nc rule and it’s my birthday tomorrow and i know i shouldn’t reply to his text, but should i seen it because he probably will text on fb? And another question, what if he doesn’t text me, does that mean i should move on? Thank you!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lara,

      belated happy birthday Lara! So, how did it go? and it doesn’t mean that you should move on right away if he didn’t greet you but if you want to, of course that’s ok

    • Lara - 0

      Lara

      Hi Amor,
      He didn’t text me or anything and right now, I don’t know what to do. This thing is really important to me and he knew that. Maybe he is still nervous on me because how I overreacted when we had last fight or maybe because of his new girlfriend. I will finish my nc rule time and then I will decide if I will text him or give up on the idea because it seams to me I don’t have a chance now that he is with this new girl (for 2 months already). And maybe it’s better to suffer now and let things go. Right now, I have thousands of emotions in my head and I don’t know what to say, to do, anymore.

  3. Amanda - 0

    Amanda

    he dumped me. …we are only attached for less than 2months and most of the time he used me as a hookup only
    although we are are couple but seems like he only interested in sleeping that’s all. not much dating…. I confronted him and he say yeah being friends is better as he don’t get the chemistry between us…. my birthday is on the 7th day of NC secretly I want to celebrate with him…if so happens if on my birthday 7th day NC he wish me happy birthday… should I reply? thank you or whatt should I do? in case. please help.. let’s say HE WISH ME a happy birth what should I do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Nothing, just ignore him.. If he just wants sex all along, move on from him.

    • Amanda - 0

      Amanda

      I know if I ignore him, he will never ever send another text to me again. he is the type where if you ignore his text, he will just takes zero actions…. he won’t care. so far now in NC after his last text to me, I did not reply… but he doesn’t care tooo.. he did not send me extra text or show concern or anything… I’m afraid if he do text me again for my birthday and I ignore him he will be gone forever and moved on

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      forever? you’re thinking too much

  4. Shannon - 0

    Shannon

    Hello,

    It’s not necessarily a birthday, but my college graduation is next month (May 20th to be precise) and it will be, without a doubt, the most important day of my whole life (next to when/if I get married, of course!). The unfortunate part is that I started NC yesterday, so even when my 30 days are done, I highly doubt that i’ll be able to build enough rapport with him to invite him to my ceremony. It really sucks but that’s timing for ya!

    I’m not looking for advice, nor am I going to break NC early whatsoever for this. I’m just a little frustrated by my situation and needed a place to vent. Thank you for hearing me out ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
  5. Lana - 0

    Lana

    Hi there,

    My ex-bf of nearly 2 years broke up with me out of the blue a month ago and asked me to move out. He says he loves me but is not inlove with me. I move out on Friday and his birthday is on Saturday. We had made plans for his birthday on Saturday. Should I honour those plans (he previously said to cancel but then changed his mind saying given our history it would be nice to hang out) or should I start the NC rule as soon as I move out on Friday?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Lana,

      I think you should start the nc after the party, in case it works out between the two of you in that party.

  6. Millie - 0

    Millie

    Soooo, me and my boyfriend had been exclusive for almost two months when I broke up with him yesterday ’cause he was making me less and less of a priority and I wasn’t satisfied with that sort of treatment. However, I do want him back ’cause he has such beautiful qualities and I still love him. I am doing NC and it ends the day before his birthday. NC day 30 ends the day before his birthday. Should i contact him the next day or wait some more days? If I should wait, how many days?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Millie,

      Chris mentioned what yo do if your ex’s bday falls on the last day of nc, Do you agree with what Chris said in the podcast? If yes, I think a week is enough..

  7. Diane - 0

    Diane

    Part 2 to earlier question about his birthday: He might be at a small New Years party that I’m going to – 10 people. I actually would like him to go (he will go alone, we both will). So, I am worried that if I don’t wish him a happy birthday, he might not go. I’m 2 weeks into no contact.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Diane,

      when is his birthday? And why would your friends feel awkward if you dont greet him, are you all together personally in his bday or are they going to wait for you to greet? And who is arranging the new year’s eve party? Why and when did you break up? How long were you together?

  8. Diane - 0

    Diane

    Normally, I wouldn’t have a problem not wishing him a happy birthday but we have a lot of friends in common and he did Write a Facebook post for my birthday. But, I’m actually concerned about fiends and I dont want them to feel awkward or that they have to choose sides. So, I wonder if I should simply post “happy birthday” on his timeline. Thanks.

    Reply
  9. kelsey - 0

    kelsey

    So here’s what I did, and it went over well.
    My Ex’s birthday fell after my No Contact time. I wanted to do 30 days NC, and his birthday fell on what would have been day 32. I am in graduate school with my ex and we see each other regularly in class. So I did not contact him on his birthday, I waited until after his birthday, and then about 4 days after his birthday, I gave him a belated birthday card as a way to end NC.
    I didn’t write anything super emotional in the card. Basically said, “I hope the next year brings fun, adventure, and significance. I truly wish for your happiness…. ” I briefly shared good news about how I’ve improved myself, and then ended it saying maybe eventually we’ll chat and catch up, but for now I’d like a little space until our final exams were over. I wasn’t expecting him to respond, I just wanted to give him a soft end to NC and figured I’d text him in a week after our exams.
    I gave it to him in person at school and he struck up a conversation about our research papers it was warm and kind. His body language was encouraging.
    And it’s still too soon to tell what’s going to happen, but just a few hours later, he texted, for the first time since our breakup! So now I guess we’re texting! Good thing I bought that Texting Bible during NC.
    At this rate, I’ll never focus on studying for finals. hahaha But I’m feeling really confident about my chances at this point, after getting a positive response. Just gotta keep cool. I keep telling myself that: Be cool, Kelsey!
    ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Very good Kelsey! Just enjoy, take everything slow and cool

  10. Zuzi - 0

    Zuzi

    Hi there,

    Great to have this article! Thank you. I have a bday coming up right after no contact question.

    I’m in a situation where someone broke up with me nearly six months ago, the reason was a “I might lose my job” depression and “omg, I need to sort out my career” and “I can’t be a good bfriend right now for anyone, not the way I want to be.” Thinking back, I think the issue for both of us was that we both liked each other a lot – got along great – but then his work got super stressful and he got distant, and I got super needy because I didn’t realize it was his work. I got scared that it was me or something and freaked out. So the breakup really blindsided me. He also said that when we were breaking up that its scary for him, because it’s so easy to be in a relationship with me. Yeah, I know.

    For a couple months I kept in touch since I was worried about him (got polite responses and I know from other sources the depression was real), then I managed three weeks no contact while traveling, and things started to go really well – like really well, he started texting and liking posts on FB proactively, and even apologized for not answering some of my texts from months ago – but I pushed to meet in person too fast, and bloop, all efforts wasted. I got the “I’m too busy” response.

    I tried for another month and things staid friendly via texts. We ended up chatting over FB and he apologized for being missing in action, but said he’s been doing it to everyone because he’s starting a new career and it’s finally going well and he really needs to focus on it. So then I went into second no contact and successfully stuck to it for 30 days, and I’m feeling great about my life. Funny enough, he started liking posts on my Facebook in week three of no contact and sharing posts he knew I would like (he normally does not do any of that), but did not get in touch directly.

    The issue is that his bday is coming up on day 3 after no contact, and I’m kind of at a loss as to what to do. I listened to the podcast, and I understand that sending a text with happy birthday might get a boring response…but then again, I thought if it’s personal enough it might not be? Also, what about FB? Nowadays everyone posts a boring happy birthday message out of politeness on the wall…so I’m thinking, will it be too obvious if I don’t?

    Thanks!!!
    Zuzi

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Zuzi,

      if he’s birthday is day 3,whether it’s obvious or not if you don’t greet him, the better option is still to not greet him and to focus in improving yourself during no contact period and to continue improving yourself after it.

  11. Cara - 0

    Cara

    Sorry for the long post.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cara,

      it’s ok..About his bday, dont text.. If you really want to show you’re moving on, don’t text..

  12. Cara - 0

    Cara

    Hi EBR team,

    So mine is the reverse situation of the birthday text question. I’v talked about my situation many times here before but just to recap we have been off/on for a year but our last date was really last February where he sort of ended things and I was the one who initiated the last 4 texts to him each time after completing 30-45 days of no contact trying to follow Chris methods. The second to last text I sent back in July using Chris method and pretending I saw him at a bar so I texted if that was him. He replied right away it wasn’t and was friendly and pleasant and he even asked me out for drinks to which I recall excitedly sharing I got a date on EBR but then he never followed up the following week. The last text I sent I basically called him out on why it seemed that our mutual friend always seemed to know when I saw him or had a date with him cause I didn’t want her to know (She did not want us to date_. To which he never replied. I wasn’t rude or disrespectful, I just called him out. I wanted him and her to know I’m not a pushover and it made me mad. Anyhow my B day was in November but I never got a b day text from him when I have the last 2 years. I know he keeps close tabs on my facebook, I know he hasn’t completely let go as I haven’t either. I still want him back. I know Amor has said too much time has passed and yes a lot of time has passed but I think anything is possible and I’ve heard stories of people getting back together years later and it being successful. Plus there’s Chris’s article on getting together with an ex after a year or more so I’ve put stock into that too. I’m working on improving myself and being the ungettable girl.
    So HIS bday is coming up in December , DO YOU think I should send a b day text to him even though he did not send me one? All my friends say no that i need to send the message I;m over him and he’s flaked on the last date he asked me out on, and he’s playing a mind game with me, etc. One friend says sending him a B day text negates my text where I was calling him out. But I think maybe it would just be a friendly gesture that sends the message I’m not angry at him so much . What should i do? Text him for his B day or not?

    Reply
  13. Dee - 0

    Dee

    Hello,

    I broke up with my bf last year but thank to this site, I manage to got him back.

    But now I realise, it’s not the relationship, it’s the man I’m dating that makes it impossible for us to work it through.

    He pulls silent treatment regularly, esp. at the times I attempted to encourage him to improve. Definite narcissist.

    Anyway, it’s been more than a month, the longest NC so far. I don’t think I want to get back to him.

    But, I bought holiday tickets for the two of us. Depart in two weeks.

    First of all, I hate to think that it’d went to waste. Second of all, I want to take the opportunity to ask him to return my belongings and money before splitting for good.

    I don’t know.. Better to just disappear from his life or to make final effort to get my rights back? I kinda feel sick picturing the rendezvous, on the other hand it’s quite a chunk.

    Looking forward to hearing from you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Dee,

      it’s your right to get your things and money back so, with or without nc, do that..

  14. Sharon - 0

    Sharon

    Hello,
    My boyfriend went to study abroad in america for 4 months, thinks we’re going fine for the first month, until I he started getting very close to a girl out there on social media, he lied at first saying he never saw her on campus until the girl tried to follow me on Instagram and when I refused she had he friend attempt to befriend me, after telling him how it hurt my feelings that he was getting close to another girl and that I felt I wasn’t enough he simply said he was sorry and that although he loved me he thought that it be best we become friends as our relationship was based on our really good friendship and he didn’t want anything that could potentially happen in the remaking months he had out there ruin our friendship. We were together for 18months and I wonder if he did this because he knew he wanted to get with other girls.
    We then went a week without talking and after that he contacted a mural friend to pass a message to me about cheap travel where I
    currently live, this friend told him to contact me himself and he did, we started speaking and discussed how we’d try to be friends but I decided to do the no contact rule after 2 weeks of speaking as things were going back to normal in the sense of speaking everyday but when I look at his social media when he goes out in Miami it’s just lots of different girls, but then before he starts a conversation with me he deletes the pictures and videos, I couldn’t bare the idea of him having the best of both worlds with me as his friend for when he gets back and still getting with other girls at the same time. I’m worried then no contact rule won’t work because he has so many distractions out there where he is and what if he just ends up getting over me, as he will get used to being in an environment without me ? And at the end of the 30 days do I contact him? What if he doesn’t contact me at all during the NC

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sharon,

      if you kept being present, talking to him, he wont get over you?

    • Audrey - 0

      Audrey

      Hello

      So do I not do the no contact rule? And surely I can’t keep myself in his life so he doesn’t get over me, he has to realise himself that he wants me around, so do I give him the best of both worlds where he talks and potentially sleeps with other girls (as his single) and talks to me at the same time surely that makes me look silly for still being available for someone like that, it’s bets I let him have his fun. i was thinking to contact him in about a months and a bit time when he only has a week left of his studying abroad so that I won’t have to put up with seeing things of him having ‘fun’ there Or is that far too long ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      For me you should do the no contact rule.. I just wanted you to answer that question because it can help you realize what you just said..

    • Audrey - 0

      Audrey

      I’ve been doing the no contact rule and he hasn’t really contacted me, he liked my status about me going on holiday and then sent me a direct message on twitter about a funny video which I don’t really know wether I should count as contact I don’t want to overthink and take it as his thinking of me same time I feel like he was testing the waters to see if I’d respond which I didn’t, I just don’t want to jump at that as a sign he cares or whatever when really it was nothing

    • audrey - 0

      audrey

      hello, i spoke to him at the end of the NC we spoke consistently for two days, he spoke of how he had bought me a present and that he would give it to me upon his return, he was so into he conversation telling me everything he had got up to however I’ve now found his seeing someone out there but i don’t understand because the way he was talking to me i would say was inappropriate for someone who is basically in a relationship this leads me to wonder is he trying to keep me around and organise us meeting because he know he only has 2 months left (Study abroad) out there with her? I don’t think i want him back but now i wonder has he not spoke to me since then because of her and his trying to keep her sweet? i asked him about a picture i saw of them on halloween and he denied she was his gf instead he said she was part of his costume her and other people but he couldn’t find the picture with the others, i feel like his trying to have the best of both worlds again. i don’t know what to do i should cut him of completely right

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      actually, it looks like you’re probably right but you would only confirm it as more days pass because he has to show more signs through his actions

    • audrey - 0

      audrey

      We’ve been talking recently an i have been very platonic but he has continued to cross what i would say are boundaries considering we’re now ex’s his talking about how he wants to see me when he returns, his apologised about how he had acted after the relationship had ended, including the girl who he had started getting very close with etc, he sends me pictures of himself showing his tan, how his growing his chest hair out and wants me to wax it when his back lol. He just keeps telling me how i’ll always be a priority to him and when I made a joke about me and a guy not being official yet he became annoyed, all this seems straightforward like i could say he wants me back or he still cares but thats before you take into account the fact that his still potential seeing the girl out there which is again selfish on his part as he knows its temporary.
      I think i still want to be friends but i just don’t understand what his thinking when he does all this i feel like he doesn’t realise we’ve broken up since he hasn’t had to deal with it in a realistic setting where we live, his constantly apologising but i feel like ehe just wants to use me as he know he’ll be alone when he returns, i just want your interpretation of what you think the reasoning behind his behaviour and actions may be .

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      there’s only one thing to know if you’re right, dont live with him when he gets back and if he lets go of the other girl

  15. Anne - 0

    Anne

    we broke up in may .and I unfriended him from everywhere. he called me in July once or twice. even asked our mutual friend to talk to me about the breakup but that mutual friend didn’t mention that he asked him to do so.I didn’t give any closure and blocked the mutual friend after two days.later in august it was my birthday and he called twice I didn’t receive. he even messaged me on Facebook but not to wish but it was about an exam I had so I didn’t answer again.I truly loved him a lot and was a mess in may and wanted him to talk to me.but he never even asked how I was.at that time I had a damaged leg when he broke up with me.I had met an accident. and he left me totally alone.I was the one doing the chasing in the relationship and he would always have an excuse to leave.I am done with the chasing and want to know if he has changed his ways then only I might consider getting back.I don’t even know if he wants us together anymore or he just misses being in a relationship. I still love him but its not necessary for me anymore to have him.I had been in no contact since may and still didn’t contact him anyway. I had an important note book of mine at his place and he knew well that I may need it for my exam but I didn’t contact him to get it back. I just let it be.and yes I have seen him update his Whatsapp status to sad miss you kind of songs.and profile photo of a young girl with her daddy but we don’t have kids.what do you think I should do if he calls me sometime. what will be his reaction if I contact him first.what might be his thoughts. has he moved on? I wanted that he regret leaving me.do you think he regrets it?

    Reply
    • Anne - 0

      Anne

      today I found he even has liked my profile pic on Fb.I had read the ungettable girl artickr. on your advice.it was very good.I even tried but I can’t understand how much I have attained that status.I am improving the marks on my face and even changed my look a bit.new design spectacles grown hair.not much difference in weight.and no chasing.what else should I do?and as for the like. do you think he keeps checking on my profile through mutual friend? I know statistics and all but each case is different. the profile photo is of me in new looks .I had updated it on 2nd October and today 7th October he has liked.do you think I have any chance of getting him back?if so how much? even if I don’t its his loss ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anne,

      if you really want a guy to regret leaving, it’s just really being your best self.. I wish I can answer you on what he thinks and what his exact reaction would be but I can’t.. If you really want to know, you have to answer and then take it slow.. Observe while rebuilding rapport.

  16. Megan - 0

    Megan

    I just need advice on what to do in this situation. I am in the middle of NC on day 12 and haven’t heard from him yet, but I just found out that a really bad hurricane is headed toward his area and they are planning evacuations. I am really worried about him and didn’t know if I should risk contacting him to make sure he’s safe and okay or if I should just let it pass and hope for the best and keep doing NC?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It would be better if you just let it pass. I understand that you’re worried but he’s an adult. He can handle himself.

  17. Krissy d - 0

    Krissy d

    So I’m having a hard time finding something that is right for my situation. My boyfriends father just passed away and although he has not come out and said that is the reason he can’t be in a relationship right now, it is hard for me to believe that it is not the reason. Also, because my ex and I were so close I have a pretty good feeling he is going to text me for my birthday next week. Of course this means nothing it’s just my bday, so my question is, do I respond when he texts me happy bday? Feel like my situation is hard because of the passing of his dad.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi krissy d,

      when did you break up? If it’s really that, then doing the no contqct rule can give him space to grieve and think and yep, it would be better not to answer him on your birthday

    • Krissy d - 0

      Krissy d

      We broke up a few days ago. We only dated for 4 months but we were very close to each other and we would always talk about it.

  18. Josephine - 0

    Josephine

    A little bit different of a situation. We broke up because he lost his dad 2 months ago and is greiving. We ended things 3 weeks ago. I spoke to him a week and a half ago because we work together and there was no avoiding it that day. We kept things strictly work related. Didn’t even ask each other how we are or anything. Anyways, his dad’s birthday is on Monday. I get the point of no contact but he lost his father. This is a lot more sensitive in this case. He can barely take care of himself which is why we decided to part ways, at least for now. I don’t want to restart no contact but I feel like it is disrespectful to not reach out and give condolences and say I’m thinking of him and his family and dad on Monday.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Josephine,

      if you really want to be there for him, be there. But it’s an emotional situation, you’re bound to make an emotional conversation after greeting him.. so, you have no choice but to restart the count. There’s no harm in restarting it. What’s more important is how you change. Even if there was no birthday that breaks your no contact rule, if you didn’t improve yourself and became more rational, you’ll have to restart the count too.

  19. Leslie - 0

    Leslie

    What about if he reaches out to me on my birthday? His was 2 months before mine and I went out of my way to make it the most meaningful one he’s had. I’m starting NC and by my birthday it will be day 26 which is sooo close to 30. If he does contact me should I ignore it and follow up the week after NC is over? What if he wishes to see me? We are on confused terms since he doesn’t know if he’s ready for a serious relationship again, due to previous heartbreaks, which he invested a lot into. He knows I feel betrayed and we had a couple rough patches because I was always insecure and jealous (I never felt he was 100% committed so that really got to me) I wasn’t a jealous person before and haven’t had issues with that in previous relationships but he’s something I never wanted to lose because it feels like it’s what I’ve been looking for. I hope I didn’t annoy the crap out of him with my insecurities that he decides to not consider us once more

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Leslie,

      So, the last talk was your break up? It would be better if you don’t answer him on your birthday..

    • Leslie - 0

      Leslie

      The last talk was me asking for my stuff back which didn’t happen because “he fell asleep” and didn’t really seem to be in a hurry to close things off. He was not great at communicating what was going on for a whole month so I wasn’t even aware we were broken up until I pushed for clarity the day before. I told him I couldn’t keep a friendship because that would only hurt me further to be constantly reminded. Several times he would say that he doesn’t know what will happen and that it’s possible we can get back together but he isn’t certain for sure which you can assume is really frustrating because I don’t know if I should be hopeful or not. I’m just fearful that he’ll commit to someone else which would be more hurtful since he said that was his reason for not being with me. I’m really hoping he’s taking this time to reflect but there’s no way to really know. When he didn’t respond because he was asleep my last message said that we can just worry about it later if there’s the possibility of us getting back together but if not we need to move on. I think he didn’t respond because he has the same answer for me that I’m having a hard time accepting “I don’t know what will happen” I’ll ignore him if he reaches out to me on my birthday.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you’re going to proceed in no contact, then yes you should ignore..he should be the one getting worried that you might find someone else.. Use this time to improve yourself and to become confident

    • Leslie - 0

      Leslie

      Update: 1 1/2 weeks before NC is over but I find myself confused on if I should even try anymore. He hasn’t reached out to me so far, he’s been adding girls and there’s a specific one that he’s been liking all her pictures and she’s been commenting on his. If he really wanted to be with me he wouldve made an effort but it seems like he never cared and is fine with pursing other options which is hypocritical because he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I just feel hurt and unsure of this whole plan. Of course I would like to be with him again but little things keep getting me down

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tak,

      Ok, well, you only have three choices: move on, chase him, or do nc and focus in improving yourself..

    • Leslie - 0

      Leslie

      I just found out he’s dating this other girl. That was super fast…. I don’t know what to do

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      So, what’s your decision? Move or try doing no contact first?

  20. Jordyn - 0

    Jordyn

    When my bf and I broke up last month, we agreed that it’d be okay if I were to call him to wish him a happy birthday, and it just so happens to fall on the last day of NC. I know now that is recommended to extend NC by a couple of days if your ex’s birthday is on the last day of NC, but my ex is expecting me to call him as I had told that I would when we broke up. During our last contact, my ex had even said that he was looking forward to me calling on his birthday. He knows that I’m a person of my word, and yet, after reading the transcript for this podcast, I’m not sure if calling would be a good idea now. Should I still keep my promise and call him on his birthday?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jordyn,

      why did you break up? If you don’t call him, yes, it might surprise him, it might make him sad, but more likely it will make him think you have moved on and most of the time, that’s what the ex needs to think so that you wouldn’t be perceived as the chaser.

    • Jordyn - 0

      Jordyn

      He broke up with me because he felt like he was strong enough to be in a relationship while going through grad school. As in, he felt like if we were to stay together, he wouldn’t have enough energy to work on improving himself education/career-wise and personal issues-wise (i.e. his over-dependency issues, terrible lack of time management, etc). He also felt that with grad school, his two jobs, and his club activities, he wouldn’t be able to give me what I deserve in a relationship (e.g. someone who can see me more than once a week, text or call me anytime, take me out to places, etc). I had told me that it’s perfectly okay if we couldn’t see each other or talk as often as we used to because I know that grad school and his other obligations demand a lot of time and effort, but he kept insisting that I deserve someone better.
      I’m almost leaning toward the idea of calling him as for my own birthday last year, he traveled halfway across the world to surprise me when I was studying abroad for a semester. It was the most romantic and nicest thing anyone had ever done for me, so I figure that the least that I can do is wish him a happy birthday.

    • Jordyn - 0

      Jordyn

      wasn’t strong enough*

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok.. If you really want to wish him a happy birthday, it’s either you restart the count after that, or just don’t start nc until after his bday.

    • Jordyn - 0

      Jordyn

      I’m already going through NC. I’m on day 27. What I’m saying is that his birthday is on the last day of NC.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ah, then you shouldn’t..

    • Jordyn - 0

      Jordyn

      But when we broke up, I promised him that I would call…He had even said that he was looking forward to me calling.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      but like the podcast above, it would just be one of the other greetings he would receive that day and there’s no room for him wonder

  21. JP - 0

    JP

    My bf and I are “on a break” for the past couple weeks. I’ve done no contact for the past week. His birthday is tomorrow – do the same rules apply?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jp,

      not really, because technically, you’re still together.

  22. Lauren - 0

    Lauren

    So I’m not sure if this is the wrong topic to comment under but I’m not sure what to do… me and my ex have been broken up for about 6-7 months I have done no contact before but it failed, throughout the 6-7 months we have made several phone calls and how we still love each other and we even seen one another and it went great but when it comes down to it he still isn’t wanting a relationship and I feel like he was just leavin me waiting for him. His friends told me 2 weeks ago he talks about me and how he wants me but he’s older then me and he works. I’m not sure wjay to do..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lauren

      how old are you both? when and how long did you do nc? Did you improve yourself during and after it?

  23. Ollie - 0

    Ollie

    MY birthday is this Tuesday and falls into the NC period. If he reaches out and says happy birthday should I give a simple “thank you” response? Or none at all. Thanks!

    Reply
  24. Shalmali - 0

    Shalmali

    Hey! I was about to contact you guys for help and just then I saw this article and my screenshot in it!
    So I did text him up(my nc has been over by a month) and he replied positively! I mean he thanked me and said a few good things like he was waiting for my text all day, he apologised for what he had done,that he hopes we’ll be in touch & that I’ll be special to him forever.
    I tried to keep the conversation short, but he somehow just didn’t stop.
    What do I do after this?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s ok to initiate a text again, just be the one to end it high note the next time.

  25. Stella - 0

    Stella

    i have started the no contact rule on september 8 and i will be ending on october 8th. My ex’s birthday will be the week after the nc end date, so would it be fine for me to wish him ?

    Reply
  26. Lyne - 0

    Lyne

    Thats really good will make sure to not wish him a happy birthday next Tuesday

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lyne

      you said he texted a month after you started nc, so are you aiming for 45?because you’ve already broken it when you replied and he thought you’re back to talking again

  27. aish - 0

    aish

    i love this podcast! thanx chris ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Thank you too Aish!

    • yuna - 0

      yuna

      I was with my x for 3 years and we got engaged, we got into a fight and i broke it off. I totally regret it Biggest mistake i Did!! I broke the NCR After 2 weeks and got a negative response. So i started again the NCR its been 3 weeks but his birthday is at the end of my 30 days. In the podcast Chris says we should wait a couple of days later to wish them a happy Bday. Can you give me some examples of what type of text i should send?

      Thanks for your advice.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Yuna,

      wait, have you improved yourself?

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