I have been doing this for a good four years now and there is one question that I get that always kind of irks me.

It’s not that it’s necessarily a bad question or even that it’s the most common situation people find themselves in. However, no matter what this one question seems to get asked on a daily basis.

Seriously!

Birthday1

Birthday2

Birthday3

So, what’s the question?

Ummm Chris.. My exes birthday happens during the no contact rule. Can I break it to wish him a happy birthday?

Hmm… how can I put this…

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I have probably told over a thousand women that over the years.

But you know what, maybe a man will soak in the information a bit better 😉 .

(Pretty lame segue, huh?)

Today we are about to make history on “The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast” because for the first time ever, instead of featuring a woman on the podcast we are going to be featuring a man!

Now, the man who we are featuring wished to remain anonymous so from this point on whenever I refer to an “anonymous” I referring to the man who asked the question.

So, his situation is pretty simple,

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Video For Episode 57: (Birthdays And The No Contact Rule)

You’ll notice that I have something new in front of my microphone in the video.

One of the biggest annoyances to filming these podcasts was the fact that the pop filter of my microphone obstructed so much of my face,

Screen Shot 2016-09-01 at 1.37.13 PM

Well, after much deliberation I came to the realization that I was going to have to get a new pop filter that didn’t obstruct my face at all. So, I went online, searched and eventually came across this bad boy,

Screen Shot 2016-09-01 at 1.39.52 PM

Yay!

Now you can actually see me when I talk so I don’t look like a robot.

Though now that I think about it maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to show you more of my face. You’ll be able to see every little imperfection or pimple I get.

OH NO!

Just kidding!

The Situation Anonymous Is Facing

  • He has literally just went through a breakup
  • He just started the no contact rule
  • His ex has a birthday coming up (next Wednesday) to be exact
  • He wonders if he should break the no contact rule (just this once) to wish his ex a happy birthday
  • He feels that if he doesn’t, if he ignores her, that she is going to take it the wrong way and become mad at him

The Things We Talk About In This Episode

  • If you are allowed to break the no contact rule to wish your ex a happy birthday
  • The protocol to follow if your exes birthday ends on the no contact rule
  • The idea of making sure every action you take has a positive impact on your own situation
  • How an ex is going to view you saying “happy birthday” to them
  • Why it’s a big mistake to break the no contact rule early
  • If an ex would ever not take you back because you didn’t wish them a happy birthday
I Want My Ex Back
Do You Have A Chance?

The Transcript For Episode 57

Click Here To Download The Transcript For Episode 57

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116 thoughts on “EBR 057: Birthdays And The No Contact Rule”

  1. Avatar

    Maria

    June 14, 2020 at 1:03 pm

    I break with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago, I have apply the No contact rule for a week, next weekend is the fathers day and he lost his father less than 6 months ago, I know these things are really important for him because his father meant a lot from him, should i write something to him because of this special day. or still, keep silent.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 14, 2020 at 9:38 pm

      Hi Maria, I wouldn’t recommend breaking No Contact for this reason as all you are going to do is get emotional response. Stick with your 30 days NC

  2. Avatar

    Jacob

    May 5, 2020 at 11:41 am

    Hi im currently on no contact with my ex 1 week and half but mother day is coming Up and her son birthday (5years old) is the same day (may 10)as mother’s day . Should i text my ex Girlfriend and wish her happy mothers day and happy birthday to her son.?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 5, 2020 at 10:38 pm

      Hi Jacob, if the child is not yours then no do not reach out to your ex for either occasions.

  3. Avatar

    CU

    March 9, 2020 at 7:44 pm

    Hi

    Thursday will be his birthday and day 40 of no contact. I have pulled away after he became cold again for no reason. Should I text him Happy Birthday? I want him back. He called me on my birthday in January but we were in the “hot” phase when we were talking or texting regularly. February 4th he went cold… It’s an LDR. Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 10, 2020 at 10:29 pm

      Hey CU so as you are in a No Contact I suggest that you do not reach out with a birthday message before speaking to them with a conversation that Chris suggests to break the ice first

  4. Avatar

    My

    January 9, 2020 at 12:24 am

    @SHANNON
    Hi , sorry. I keep leaving comments because you never really answer all of them haha so so I have to ask again, but this time it’s a bit diff. So follow up from my previous post… he said he’ll text me when he’s ready to talk (ab us, whether it be getting back together or not). u said not to respond if he texts me during NC like saying happy bday, but what if it’s a text saying he’s ready to talk? i read I think in here or somewhere else, that if they end up texting you sumn about getting back together, then it’s ok to break the NC rule because that was the point of the NC. So if he texts me that he is ready to talk about it or he texts me saying I made up my mind and i think we should get back together (or sumn) Do I break NC and respond? Or continue to ignore until after NC??

    BIG THANK YOU. i swear my last questions

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 12:32 am

      It is ok to break No Contact, if he says he wants to get back together, it is not okay to break No Contact if he says he wants to talk or is ready to talk.

  5. Avatar

    My

    January 7, 2020 at 4:48 am

    Follow up from my previous post:

    I don’t know when he’ll contact me. Whether it be next week, after 30 days, or in 3 months.. do I text him after 30/45 days if he doesn’t text me bc “i’ll lyk when i’m ready to talk”. Or I stay dead silent until he texts. and when he does.. continue to ignore for a week before responding or?

    also, in our situation (as explained in previous post)… should i block him from social media too? or no? because at this point.. i think HE is the one giving me NC too :/ or idk maybe if i text, he would respond. but i def won’t for first 30/45 days. but yeah so is blocking social media necessary for us? or is it more powerful for me to block him on everything so he can’t check up on me and leave him wondering?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 7, 2020 at 10:49 pm

      Dont block on social media, you just stick to your NC and post about how amazing your life is right now. Even if they reach out to you before you are done with your no contact do not reply as you need your ex to know they are not in power of the situation

  6. Avatar

    my

    January 7, 2020 at 3:57 am

    My ex and I dated for a year. our 1 year anni was Dec 14. 2019. On Dec 25. 2019 i found screenshots of nudes. turns out he had a fake instagram account since september and has been dming asking girls if they’d be willing to exchange nudes for $$. In those 4 months he had about 30 or so, maybe more, girls in those dms. Out of all of them though, only 2 ever sent nudes, the rest ignored or didn’t pull through. I broke up with him that night. It’s Jan. 6 today and i only came across this website today..

    The past 10 days I have been calling him crying and yelling at him, then telling him i forgive him and that he’ll be okay (emotional turbulence of course..) he owns up to what he did. he is quite depressed right now because as he told me (summarizes) “i look at myself and i feel disgusted. i broke the kindest heart in the world.. and i lost you. you deserve better than me” these past 12 days he was never the one to contact me despite he is in as much pain as i am. he says it’s bc he knows he doesn’t deserve to contact me since he was the one who broke me, but if i needed to contact him, he will always answer and be there for me.

    But sunday, Jan 5th we had a talk. He is numb now.. to everything. he doesn’t cry anymore. he said he doesn’t know what to do anymore and it’s my choice on what to do bc he knows he was the one who ruined it, so, the next move is on me and he doesn’t have a right to decide.

    but on friday Jan 3 2020, in response to me, he said “i haven’t moved on yet.. i swear. i still want you. But i think we need some space to heal because i can’t even take care of myself right now. i barely eat and sleep. but i can’t take this* (me mad texting him one day then he responds saying “i know i’m sorry, i’m trash”. and then texting him the next day like , “i know we will get better. maybe sumday in the future we can reconnect. u can learn from this lesson and not cheat anymore”). it hurts. i can’t take the mixed signals anymore”.

    I feel like that fault is on me…. So we decided to talk again on Sunday Jan 5, 2020… ab what i want to do bc at this point he’s just responding to my texts and calls. I think i want him back…

    On sunday we talked… i initiated the convo first asking if he was home and all. his responses.. were extremely dry. short. blunt.
    i felt hurt… my responses were like “hi, are you home yet?” and he’d say “at metro station” “gonna take an uber” i asked eta? he said “1230” (am)

    it was just so blunt.. it was like.. idk who i was talking to anymkre. even causally he doesn’t even text like that… on friday he was speaking in full sentences and with more emotion and now it was gone

    when he finally got home, we talked ab what we were gonna do or what i wanted to do* but then before i can get into that… i got emotionally held up over how he was texting. it was like.. he didn’t want to talk. i was so hurt i was crying bc i was so confused. did he not want to talk to me? i couldn’t help it so i called him. i facetimed him and he answered. his face was blank. he did seem numb. he wasn’t crying. eyes looked poofy. i was crying hard at this point. he asked “how does this help?” (like facetiming instead of texting) i felt rejected. it’s like he didn’t want to see my face anymore. or hear my voice.. the first 2-3 days or so when we facetimed, we helped each other move on. it was nice. but now it was like.. he was done with me?

    i was hurt and confused. i cried out, “what if i said i want u back right now?” (he regretted what he did. he said he lost the best he ever had. i knkw he did truly love me bc that’s why he’s in such a distressed state rn. but this new personality hit me.. i didn’t kno who i was talking to anymore. he responded, “right now.. i would say no. I’m not ready yet. I can’t take care of you if i can’t even take care of myself. I need some space to think and to heal. and i think you do too before being so sure u want to come back to me.. because what if in 2 weeks u are going to hate me and regret getting back together with me”

    This feeling… i felt like I was the one getting dumped. it felt like I got rejected. when ironically he was the cheater and i broke up with him. and he wants me but now he doesn’t even want me to call him? or contact him? it makes me so hurt, i don’t understand. he said if i text him or call him he’ll answer every time.. and he has.. the days where i cried and called and yelled at him and texted.. he responded very single time. SO WHAT HAPPENED? could it be he is just in so much pain, he can’t handle me anymore.. i hung up crying really hard saying “i’m sorry for bothering you. u won’t hear from me ever again” i said it in a angry and sad way. and i hung up the phone.

    he didn’t text me.. or call me again.. he allowed me to hang up knowing that i was in deep pain and hurts me so much.. why didn’t he text me saying “my please…. it’s not that i don’t ever want to hear from u again… i just need sum time to heal on my own” or SOMETHING to not let me cry like i did (it’s sumthing he woujd so if we got into fights during relationship. he wouldn’t let me sleep mad or sad)

    This was last night and ended around 230am .. I cried brutally hard for 2 1/2 hours middle of night after this.. i ended up texting him out of anger around 430am (i kno he’s still awake with his friends) saying “ur right. we need time, at least a month to heal. Ill give u as much space as you need. text me when you’re ready since i won’t text u. U won’t see, hear, or get texts from me again because u want nothing to do with me rn. this is my last message. bye. “
    i said this while crying my eyes out. ofc it was meant to be sad.

    but he responded in the morning TODAY 11am saying “thank you my…i just need more time. and i think it’s good for the both of us. ill lyk when i’m ready to talk”

    ?? he didn’t even argue against when i said “u want nothing to do with me rn” i felt like my heart was ripped out again. i don’t understand… one day he is crying and wanting me to back and willing to talk.. and now.. he needs a break from ME? when in really it should be me needing a break from him bc he was the only who cheated! but i told him already i forgave him.. i told him that and i mean it.. because i want to make sure he’ll be okay. i regretted asking desperate when i cried hard during facetime when we talked ab him not wanting to get together now. i asked repeatedly.. do u not want me to anymore? do u not love me anymore?? his face was just numb..

    I didn’t respond to that text. i’m going to do NC rule. should i do 30 days IF he ends up txting me within 30 / 45 days? but if by 45 days he HASNT contacted me… should i continue not to contact him… until he does? or just text him after 45 days. and if he texts me.. should i ignore for one week whenever that day may be, before responding?

    As for social media.. idk what to do. he didn’t argue when i cried saying u won’t hear (texts and calls) or see (social media) me ever again. i don’t know to block or just unfollow… block and don’t let him see what i’m up too? or unfollow and he has freedom to stalk me if he does (and ofc i try not to watch his stories or anything)

    please help..

    my bday is coming up too. IF he texted me happy bday on Jan. 15… i don’t respond right? bc isn’t now i feel like HE is the one giving me the treatment.. he said he’ll let me know when he’s ready to talk.. as ironic as it is… so if he texts me happy bday.. should i ignore

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 7, 2020 at 10:29 pm

      Dont reply, and you need to follow the No Contact rule! Fully… 30 days of silence

  7. Avatar

    Nadine

    June 2, 2019 at 6:23 pm

    Hello, I am about to start the no contact rule. And we have been apart for 7 months and were in a long distance relationship. I’ve already tried it before but didn’t make it. We are still talking every day. But this is getting to much for me and i am not going to do the no contact rule only because I want him back but also because I need to get better and i will just do it and see what happens. With not really much hope. Anyways my question is actually this my birthday is on June 10 and his on June 26. I know even if I will not contacting him starting from today or tomorrow he will text me. He always does. And I don’t know how or if to react. I was thinking about a simple thank you. And since my birthday comes first and he would congratulate me. Should I congratulate him too?! Thank you for your help I’m a big fan of your website. It has helped me a lot already

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 3, 2019 at 3:26 pm

      Probably best not to reply if you are in No Contact as it works against the grain of what you are trying to achieve.

  8. Avatar

    Anna

    May 22, 2019 at 1:21 pm

    My ex got angry at me or upset because I didn’t wish him happy bday. I had broken up with him and did no contact alr for 4-5 weeks and then we talked a little and then he stopped responding. Then now he is mad or upset, he says thanks a lot for wishing me a happy birthday. I feel so annoyed as he sounds like he is throwing a little tantrum. What should I do? I am so tempted to send an angry message but feel like if I respond we’ll just end up fighting.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 22, 2019 at 2:04 pm

      Hi Anna…so yes, he is acting childish because he is the one that shut down conversation. It would be best to continue NC and when you choose to reach out, do so on your own terms. Also, take a look at picking up my Program so you have all the tools and resources available to you

  9. Avatar

    Winnie

    March 27, 2019 at 6:21 pm

    Hi Chris, I’m currently on day 23 of NC (which I started within days of our break up, as per your advice on your website, which is great by the way and has helped me tremendously!), he hasn’t contacted me once during NC and today he sent me flowers for my birthday. Should I stick to the NC and thank him in a week when my 30 day NC period is over? Or should I send him a general thank you text today and go back into NC for the remaining week? On your youtube channel, you advised against contacting your ex when it’s their birthday, so I don’t want to ruin my chances of getting him back. Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 27, 2019 at 9:20 pm

      So you are right around that NC sweet spot for many people. How about responding kindly to the flowers, then shell up again and see if he initiates contact again. If he does, then try to slowly, as I teach in my Program, re-establish communications.

  10. Avatar

    Anon

    April 23, 2018 at 10:03 pm

    Hi. My ex broke up with me 2 and a half months ago. I successfully completed no contact and I’m in the rapport building texting stage and posting things to show I’m an UG now. We have a short text conversation every few days. Today is my birthday and he hasn’t texted me at all today which has really upset me. He won’t have forgotten. I don’t really know what to do anymore

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 11:52 pm

      Hi Anon…i know its hard when those special celebration days come around. I am sure he is thinking of you. Little doubt about that. It’s just communications are hard to restart sometimes after a breakup for lots of reason. It may be he is uncertain how to proceed with you….if he should restart the relationship…so he hesitates. Just Keep the focus on your needs and personal growth. If it doesn’t work out, remember, you are an UG and that will benefit you in so many ways.
      And if the hurts linger, consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group (1500 women strong). I do weekly Facebook lives and you can learn more by clicking on my website Menu/Products.

      And by the way…Anon…Happy Birthday…you are the best!!

    2. Avatar

      Anon

      April 27, 2018 at 6:53 pm

      I would like to pay to join the private fb support group. would my friends know if I join this group? Would they see on fb that I’ve joined this group as I wouldn’t want anyone to know?
      My birthday was 4 days ago and he still hasn’t sent me any birthday wishes. I don’t want to text him though as I feel like it looks as though I’m chasing him. I feel like he should be making more effort

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 28, 2018 at 4:51 am

      Hi Anon…The Private Facebook Support Group is set up such that only approved members can see each other’s posts (I am the administrator of the Group). I selected a rather vague name for the Group so its difficult to find if someone is searching for it for the reasons you described.

  11. Avatar

    Caroline

    September 30, 2017 at 1:06 pm

    Hi EBR team,

    I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. I regretted it a week after we broke up (I have broken up with him several times but he always took me back).This time I really realized how much we can work this out. But he was done with everything. He kept on mentioning small things he did not like about me everytime I I brought up how I wanted to get back with him. Unfortunately, I did not found this website sooner. So since that first week of our break up to 2 weeks ago, I had been texting, calling, sending him foods and doing nice things for him (he knows for sure I want to get him back and he still refuses). We met twice (and had sex) during that time. Sometimes he was annoyed and wait for hours before taking my phone calls but still he took them ( we talked for hours about usual things, unless when I started discussing about feeling he would end the convo)and he replied my texts -but would mostly leave the convo on the high note. Last week we met again. I asked for explanation about why he was sweet, still being touchy with me when meeting and even lead us to have sex when all I did was ask him to have casual dinner. I also aksed why he seemed enjoy our convo and sounded excited on chats. He said he was just being nice because we had long history and the sex was simply because the old memories caught him in the moments. I was devastated and even came to his house (met his mom too) to have in person explanation further. He still does not want me. After that he drove me home. I asked him to think about it for a month. He said yes. I promised to not text or call him on this period (30 days). We had sex again before he went hom and parted in nice way.

    Its been a week. I can do the NC for a month. But next week is my birthday. He will wish me (he will for sure. He is a nice guy , even when it comes to responding my clingy, embrassing ‘I want to get back with you’ efforts.

    So, if he really wishes me, should I reply him or just ignore it? I dont want him to feel bad if I dont reply. Please help! Really dont know what the best to do:(

    1. Avatar

      Caroline

      October 7, 2017 at 7:34 am

      Hai Amor,

      Thanks for replying to me.
      It turned out he didn’t wish me on my birthday. Exactly two weeks ago I did tell him I would not contact him for a month to give him space and time to think whether he still want to get together. He said OK (he was very sure not to be with me anymore).

      Now what should I do?
      Should I stay no contact until the next two weeks?
      Is he saying no birthday to me was basically a message that he already made his mind within these two weeks?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 8, 2017 at 9:28 pm

      Don’t contact him after a month.. You’re going to look like, you just waited for the month to finish, and then you’re back to chasing him again.. I think it would be better to restart the nc, do 45 days, be active in improving yourself and in posting and continue doing that even after nc while slowly rebuilding rapport.. Move on without totally moving on..

    3. Avatar

      Caroline

      October 6, 2017 at 6:04 pm

      Hai Amor,

      Thanks for replying me.
      So it turned out he didnt wish me happy birthday at all. Been 2 weeks we had no contact at all (I promised him not to contact him for a month so he can think about us one last time). What should I do? Stay nc?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2017 at 10:13 pm

      Hi Caroline,
      It would be better not to..

  12. Avatar

    Kathy

    August 29, 2017 at 7:17 pm

    Hi EBR team,
    My ex dumped me about a month ago due to an imbalance of things in his life: sports, academics, social life, love life, family, etc. And so I started NC two days after the breakup and he has texted me twice since then but I have not replied. We did not have a harsh breakup. I am currently waiting 90 days until I break the NC (estimated in October), but a mutual friend of ours encourages me to reach out to him on his birthday. Is that wrong or right? Should I wait and contact him ON his birthday or a few days after?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 12:26 pm

      Is his birthday within the 45 day nc?

  13. Avatar

    Bhoomika

    August 29, 2017 at 11:06 am

    I broke up with my ex on 13th Aug, but since then we have spoken 2-3 times in which he confessed that I am a very good girl for him and he is not sure if he can get someone like me, etc. I am not sure if he did this to makeme feel good or to just pacify himself as he knows that its me who is suffering due to the breakup. But after our last conversation on 27th Aug I told him that I wont be calling you anymore and since then he hasnt spoken to me, its been only 2-3 days though. My question is that his birthday is falling in the NC rule which is 5th Sept, so should I wish him because he would be expecting a call or a msg from me. So should I wish him, will he feel bad if I don’t and what if me not texting shows him that I don’t care (which is not the case at all as I am dying to be with him).

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 11:42 am

  14. Avatar

    Lorraine

    August 21, 2017 at 7:05 pm

    Hello, My ex boyfriend and I had broke up a month ago. He actually want me to give him space until his birthday which is 4 days to go but sadly I’ve been so persistent on texting him every now and then but he always says that “Lets just be focus on ourselves for now” He just want me not to contact him. Soon, I found out that he has dating a girl who’s the reason why we broke up. And according to his friends, he can’t decide between me and the girl he’s dating. Today wher planning to surprise him on his birthday which is 4 days to go. What will I need to do? Do I need to do the no contact rule? After his birthday? Isn’t okay if it’s already a month ago after we broke up?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 9:56 pm

      Hi Lorraine,

      you should start nc right away.. check this one:
      My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

  15. Avatar

    Eska

    August 16, 2017 at 5:17 pm

    Hi! My ex and I broke up a little over a month ago because he brought up that he didn’t feel we were compatible anymore (i’d been very stressed for the last 3-4 months). The day after the breakup I called and asked to get back together and he said he wasn’t sure and needed time. Then a week later I sent a letter and texted to tell him it was coming and he called me and said he would read it but that he didn’t want to get back together unless he was sure about a future with me, but that we would speak again. It took a week to arrive.

    It has now been 4 weeks since we spoke on the phone and 3 weeks since the letter. I’ve spent this time working on myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. I’m in the best shape I’ve been in years and am feeling happy and confident. I’m feeling that it is time to break NC but am not sure if I should do it at the end of this week (3 wks post letter, 4 wks since call) or wait 2 weeks. Next week is his bday and I don’t think I should break NC then. Any advice would be helpful

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 17, 2017 at 3:28 pm

      Break it a week after his birthday

  16. Avatar

    Gwen

    July 30, 2017 at 9:27 am

    Hi Amor,
    My situation in short is that following the advices of EBR I got him back last year but then because I was always very jealous he broke up with me again some months ago… I tried the advices here again and they started working well although this time it has been more difficult… the thing is that we are LDR and when I started the phone calls part (until there everything was more or less ok) we have had some phone conversations we shouldn’t have had because they are very sexual and I know I have to avoid those situations until he commits. The thing is that lately he acts as if he had no interest excepting the times that happens and he talks to me everyday but then doesn’t end the conversations and it’s being difficult for me being me and not him who leaves the conversation in a cliffhanger… well and the thing is that he has told me he is coming to visit me in two weeks. And also his birthday is this week. Yesterday I talked to him and he answered today I answered again and then there has being no answer of his part… then I’ve seen in a post he is at a party… I’m angry because he has been many days just talking and not answering anymore until the next day and I’m even thinking about not wishing him a happy bday but as I’m not in NC and also I want him to come in two weeks I don’t want us to have like a fight now… because moreover last year at this time I was in my first NC and I didn’t wish him a happy bday, as I’ve said it worked that time and we got back together but then in my bday this year we had a little fight, he didn’t wish me a happy bday and when I asked him why he told me that I didn’t wish him hm I didn’t believe that would causs that much effect on him because for when my bday was that had been like half of a year ago and he still was angry
    So should I wish him a happy bday this time? If I do it should I do it in just in a friendly way or cuter? I’ve also thought about wishing him the next day… is that a bad idea?

    Hi Amor,
    My situation in short is that following the advices of EBR I got him back last year but then because I got very jealous he broke up with me again some months ago… I tried the advices here again and they started working well although this time it has been more difficult… the thing is that we are LDR and when I started the phone calls part (until there everything was more or less ok) we have had some phone conversations we shouldn’t have had because they are very sexual and I know I have to avoid those situations until he commits. The thing is that lately he acts as if he had no interest excepting the times that happens, he has told me he likes me and has some feelings but then he talks to me everyday but doesn’t end the conversations and it’s being difficult for me being me and not him who leaves the conversation in a cliffhanger… well and the thing is that he has told me he is coming to visit me in two weeks. And also his birthday is this week. Yesterday I talked to him and he answered today I answered again and then there has been no answer of his part… then I’ve seen in a post he is at a party… I’m bothered because he has been many days just talking and answering a day after and I’m even thinking about not wishing him a happy bday but as I’m not in NC and also I want him to come in two weeks I don’t want us to have like a fight now… because besides, last year at this time I was in NC and I didn’t wish him a happy bday, as I’ve said it worked that time and we got back together but then in my bday this year we had a little argument, he didn’t wish me a happy bday and when I asked him why he told me that I didn’t wish him hm I didn’t believe that would cause that much effect on him because for when my bday was that had been like half of a year ago and he still was resentful
    So should I wish him a happy bday this time that I’m not in NC? If I do it should I do it in just in a friendly way or cuter? I’ve also thought about wishing him the next day… is that a bad idea?

    1. Avatar

      Gwen

      July 30, 2017 at 9:29 am

      Sorry it has been posted twice but it’s the second comment not the first I had problems with my keyboard on the phone and copied it twice it seems

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2017 at 3:18 pm

      It would be better if it’s next day..just make it casual greeting

  17. Avatar

    Sassy

    June 23, 2017 at 3:12 am

    My husband and I where together for 7 years we got married in 2015. In 2016 one month before I one year marriage anniversary he decided to tell me that he didn’t love me anymore like you used to and cheated on me. It’s been a year in a month and he still with another woman lost his license to drinking and driving his family have distanced himself from him and he has pushed away from his friends. I’ve done the no call and think I may have messed it up and he has not interactive back with me as I nagged him when I saw them both together out. Now he won’t even return any of my texts. I need help to save my marriage. How long should i do the NC this time around and should i wish him a happybirthday?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 23, 2017 at 9:29 pm

      Hi Sassy,

      how long did you do the no contact period before and how much did you improve? If you’re going to restart it, do at least 45 days and nope don’t greet him..

  18. Avatar

    Lara

    May 20, 2017 at 7:14 am

    Hi, I’m in my 20 day nc rule and it’s my birthday tomorrow and i know i shouldn’t reply to his text, but should i seen it because he probably will text on fb? And another question, what if he doesn’t text me, does that mean i should move on? Thank you!!

    1. Avatar

      Lara

      May 21, 2017 at 7:14 pm

      Hi Amor,
      He didn’t text me or anything and right now, I don’t know what to do. This thing is really important to me and he knew that. Maybe he is still nervous on me because how I overreacted when we had last fight or maybe because of his new girlfriend. I will finish my nc rule time and then I will decide if I will text him or give up on the idea because it seams to me I don’t have a chance now that he is with this new girl (for 2 months already). And maybe it’s better to suffer now and let things go. Right now, I have thousands of emotions in my head and I don’t know what to say, to do, anymore.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 21, 2017 at 6:53 pm

      Hi Lara,

      belated happy birthday Lara! So, how did it go? and it doesn’t mean that you should move on right away if he didn’t greet you but if you want to, of course that’s ok

  19. Avatar

    Amanda

    April 29, 2017 at 8:20 am

    he dumped me. …we are only attached for less than 2months and most of the time he used me as a hookup only
    although we are are couple but seems like he only interested in sleeping that’s all. not much dating…. I confronted him and he say yeah being friends is better as he don’t get the chemistry between us…. my birthday is on the 7th day of NC secretly I want to celebrate with him…if so happens if on my birthday 7th day NC he wish me happy birthday… should I reply? thank you or whatt should I do? in case. please help.. let’s say HE WISH ME a happy birth what should I do

    1. Avatar

      Amanda

      May 1, 2017 at 8:49 am

      I know if I ignore him, he will never ever send another text to me again. he is the type where if you ignore his text, he will just takes zero actions…. he won’t care. so far now in NC after his last text to me, I did not reply… but he doesn’t care tooo.. he did not send me extra text or show concern or anything… I’m afraid if he do text me again for my birthday and I ignore him he will be gone forever and moved on

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 1, 2017 at 11:50 am

      forever? you’re thinking too much

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 30, 2017 at 11:52 am

      Nothing, just ignore him.. If he just wants sex all along, move on from him.

  20. Avatar

    Shannon

    April 18, 2017 at 1:13 am

    Hello,

    It’s not necessarily a birthday, but my college graduation is next month (May 20th to be precise) and it will be, without a doubt, the most important day of my whole life (next to when/if I get married, of course!). The unfortunate part is that I started NC yesterday, so even when my 30 days are done, I highly doubt that i’ll be able to build enough rapport with him to invite him to my ceremony. It really sucks but that’s timing for ya!

    I’m not looking for advice, nor am I going to break NC early whatsoever for this. I’m just a little frustrated by my situation and needed a place to vent. Thank you for hearing me out 🙂

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