At some point in the process of winning your ex-boyfriend back you are going to have to speak to him. Usually that means that you are going to have to call him when you are ready, giving you control over when the call happens. You calling him first is a great approach because you are in the driver seat which mean’s you can be prepared.

But what should you do if your ex-boyfriend calls you first……. Should you answer or ignore it?

This article is going to help you figure out if you should answer the call or not, and how you should behave when you speak to him.

The topics we are going to be covering are:-

When you are trying to win your ex-boyfriend back the general plan involves you reaching out to your ex. Normally you will start with texts and build enough rapport to progress onto phone calls and then eventually face to face meetings and dates.
However things don’t always work that way, sometimes an ex-boyfriend might call you first but the big question is…. Is it better to answer it or let it go to voicemail?

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The Benefits Of The No Contact Rule

Everybody knows that I love the No- Contact rule. I love it because it gives you time to get yourself back, settle your head, and work on improving yourself. After a breakup emotions can run high and this is the case for you and your ex. Having a period of no-contact allows your ex’s negative feelings towards you to subside leaving behind a sense of nostalgia for the relationship that will make him miss you.

The deeper into the no-contact period you go, the stronger those feelings of nostalgia become, finally peaking at around the 21-30 day mark. Because your ex-boyfriend’s negative feelings and sense of nostalgia balance out between 3-4 weeks, we usually recommend to our Ex-Boyfriend Recovery community that they maintain a strict no contact period of no less than 21 days.

During those 21-45 days of silence your ex-boyfriend will see you going from strength to strength without him, wonder why you have not contacted him and become frustrated by the lack of attention you are giving him. This is exactly the effect you want to have on your ex-boyfriend if you want him to chase you and invest his time, money and effort into you…. All key components in the strategy to winning your ex back.

The no-contact period will be confusing for your ex, one moment he might feel happy and free, and the next moment he is feeling depressed. It is common for an ex-boyfriend to start calling and texting you for attention, validation, or even to start a fight amongst other reasons. It is better to let your ex continue to wait until the end of your 21-45 day no contact period to avoid falling into a make-up/break-up scenario, a friends with benefits relationship or having arguments that will damage your chances further. For this reason I believe staying in no-contact and ignoring your ex is often the best option if he calls you.

There are some exceptions where I think it is advisable to break the no contact rule and we are going to cover these next.

Children

If you have children with your ex then I definitely think you should answer if he calls. This reason is no brainer, his call could relate to anything from a breakdown in childcare right through to some kind major accident.

If you have children with your ex, always remember that a child has a right to have two parents if the opportunity allows. Maintaining low contact with your ex-boyfriend is permissible if you have children together, however you should keep correspondence to a minimum for at least 21 days.

Co-Habitation

If you still live with your ex-boyfriend then ignoring him for 21 days will be incredibly difficult and also make for an unpleasant living arrangement. If you live with your ex then I recommend low contact, rather than no contact for the sake of being civil. Your low-contact would allow saying hello, smiling, being pleasant and respectful….. The key point to remember however is that you are not friends. You are aiming to give off the impression that you are happy and unfazed by the break-up in all of your interactions but that you do not want to be his friend.

Because you live together your ex-boyfriend might need to call you in an emergency, when he does you should let it go to voicemail. Pick up the message and if it is an emergency then call him back. If he is calling for general chat, then you should ignore it and speak to him briefly when you get home.

Other Administrative Purposes

This would include things such as working together, sharing classes or needing to settle financial matter.

If your ex calls for any of these purposes I would generally class these as less urgent than having children together. If your ex-boyfriend calls I would let it go to voicemail and pick it up later on in the day. If your ex has a genuine matter than needs to be resolved then you can text him or email him back a few hours later in the day.

The Rule Of Four

There are several criteria that I would consider reasonable grounds to break no-contact……. BUT……. you are going to need to meet at least four of those criteria to accept your ex-boyfriends phone call. This is because on their own each of these criteria is not strong enough justification to break your no-contact rule.

I know you are going to be tempted to cheat here ….. so I am putting a lot of trust in you to show some discipline…. Don’t let me down

1. How long were you together?

If you and your ex-boyfriend were together a long time and this is your first breakup then I would say you have grounds to break no-contact.

If you and your ex-boyfriend had a relationship lasting less than a few months, then the fact you have broken up so soon is probably an indication that there are some bigger underlying problems to be addressed during your no-contact period. Where this is the case I recommend ignoring the call.

2. How many days into no-contact are you?

If you have only just started your no-contact period, then it is probably not a good idea to go ahead and break it straight away….

Remember your no-contact period is there to help you improve yourself, if you skip the time you have for self-improvement, the new relationship may well suffer from the same problems as
before…… and we don’t want you getting back together only to break-up again.

If however you are nearing the end of your no contact period and your ex-boyfriend reaches out to you, then you can consider answering his phone call.

If you are unsure whether you have completed enough of your no-contact period, I would suggest that if you have done ¾ of the time then you can answer his call.

3. Have you broken up before?

I want you to ask yourself a question…. Are you stuck in a make-up/break-up cycle?
The make-up/break-up cycle would be where you are constantly splitting up and getting back together but never really making any improvements in your relationship. Think of your typical on again, off again relationship….

That is exactly what the make-up break-up cycle is.

If you and your ex have had several breakups already and are stuck in an on/off relationship…….. then it is time to break the cycle. If you can identify with this then I strongly recommend that you undertake your full no-contact period and do not take his call as it is important to show your ex-boyfriend that you mean business.

However if this is your first breakup and your ex reaches out to contact you during your no-contact period, then you would have strong grounds to answer his phone call assuming you meet three other criteria.

4. Where are you in your personal recovery

This factor is really important. Speaking to your ex before you feel mentally ready can set back your progress by weeks. The last thing you want to do when attempting to get back on track and rekindle a relationship, is suffer a major backslide that might trigger needy or angry behaviour on your part.

Take time to think about how you felt immediately after the break-up and compare that to now.

  • Do you feel more emotionally stable?
  • Would talking to your ex make you feel like crying?
  • Do you feel capable to speak to your ex without begging to get back together?

Think about your own journey through self-improvement…. Are you able to say that you have significantly upgraded your lifestyle in a way that makes you happy?

If you feel that you can answer each of these questions positively (with no cheating) then you have good grounds to take his call. For those of you who perhaps are not yet ready, I would recommend staying in no-contact to avoid causing further damage by speaking to soon.

5. What caused the breakup?

This category is very broad, it covers the whole encyclopaedia of breakup reasons but I will attempt to cover the main ones.

In circumstances where your ex-boyfriend cheated on you then I would suggest you remain in no contact, think of your no contact period as a sort of punishment for his behaviour. If you break the no-contact period for an ex who cheated on you, then will teach him that you will easily forgive his infidelities, making him more likely to cheat again…. I think we can both agree that you definitely don’t want to give this impression to him.

If you broke up because of a long-distance relationship where the breakup was not so bad then I would suggest taking the call. My reason for this is that LDRs are very difficult and opportunities to talk or meet up are less frequent so you should take advantage of the situation if you feel ready to talk.

The last two types of breakup I want to cover are the Grass is Greener syndrome and the General Breakup. The Grass is Greener syndrome is where your ex-boyfriend grows disillusioned with the relationship and feels he could find a better girlfriend…… you and I know that is probably unlikely because you are awesome!

Finally, the general breakup is where you breakup for no particular reason, you just drift apart. Perhaps your ex felt that you weren’t suited for each other or he didn’t have time for the relationship, maybe he said “it’s not you, it’s me”…. Anything like that would be classed as a general breakup.

If your break-up was caused by either Grass is Greener syndrome or was a general break-up then I would recommend that you stay in no-contact as it is important that your ex recognises that there is a strong chance he could lose you; this is only going to happen if you are less available to him.

Other factors you might want to consider are how bad was the breakup….

  • Was civil or did it involve tears and tantrums?
  • Did you beg him to stay?

If your breakup was extremely painful then I would recommend staying in no-contact as the likelihood your ex is angry with you is much higher. This is because the level of pain experienced after a breakup is related to how much you felt for someone; the more you love someone, the more painful the breakup…. It makes sense really.

If your breakup was very painful then this indicates that the feelings between you and your ex were very strong…. these sort of feelings take a long time to settle down, so you should wait until the end of no-contact rather than answer his call as both your emotions will still be very raw.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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6. Who initiated the break-up

This factor is all about power…. and believe me if you hold the power then your chances of getting back together are a lot better.

If you broke-up with your ex-boyfriend then you most likely have the upper hand in winning your ex back. However if your ex-boyfriend ended the relationship with you then the situation is the other way around.

This factor is a tough one because if you dumped him then you don’t want to bruise his ego too much if he is making efforts to get you back. However…. If you broke up with him then its worth remembering that you must have had a good reason. Ask yourself if you feel your ex has changed and if he feels remorseful.

If he broke-up with you and is reaching out then it could be he is regretting the situation or it could be that he is trying to hook-up so you will need to evaluate all of his behaviour before making your decision.

7. How often has your ex-boyfriend contacted you?

This one is probably the most telling sign that your ex wants you back. If your ex has reached out to you several times by text or phone call in a positive manner, then you are seeing the beneficial effects of no-contact. If your ex has done this a few times over a period of a few days and is making a lot of effort, then you can answer his phone call if you can meet the “rule of four”

Notice how I said that your ex reaches out in a positive manner…… if your ex reaches out to you in a negative manner, perhaps he is angry or rude towards you then I would definitely suggest that you stay in your no-contact period. Remainining in no-contact will give him time to settle down and also stop him from saying more hurtful things towards you which could kill your confidence.

To help you figure out quickly if you can answer your ex’s calls I have drawn up a flow chart for you to follow….. just try to avoid cheating the system!!!
If you feel you want to cheat the system, then you probably aren’t ready to talk to your ex yet.

How Do You Behave On A Call?

If you do decide to answer your ex-boyfriend’s call, here are a few short pointers on how to behave when you speak with him.

Do’s

  • Be positive and upbeat.
  • Listen to what he has to say.
  • Talk about his interests.
  • Mention the exciting things you have been up to.
  • End the conversation on a high point.
  • Keep the call short .

Don’ts

  • Don’t discuss the breakup.
  • Don’t ask to get back together.
  • Don’t get emotional.
  • Don’t get into a fight.
  • Don’t ask if he misses you or is seeing someone.

Summary

We have established there are three criteria which will allow you to answer your ex-boyfriend’s phone call if he rings. The criteria we discussed were having children together, cohabitation, and administration purposes. Anything that doesn’t fall into those categories isn’t strong enough justification on its own to break your no-contact period so you will need to pass the Rule of Four.

I’m trusting you to show some restraint and not try to cheat the system as the no-contact rule is designed to help you heal after a break-up. The no-contact rule is such a fundamental part of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery programme that you should really only be breaking it in exceptional circumstances. If you feel in any doubt about whether you meet the criteria then I would recommend you stay in no contact as it is the safer option.

If you feel you meet the criteria to break no-contact and answer your ex’s calls, just remember to remain calm and positive on the phone to him. Try to avoid talking about the breakup, and finally end the call at a high point just as you would with a text message conversation.

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52 thoughts on “Should I Answer If My Ex Calls Me?”

  1. Avatar

    Tonia

    December 6, 2020 at 9:33 pm

    Hello there.
    My ex and I share a 1 year old. we broke up 4-5 weeks ago, I ended it, but I am struggling with no contact. its only been 4 days. He has been reaching out and at first it was easy to ignore because he was texting full sentences. when the text is nothing about our child, I ignore it. but now, I think hes catching on. so now when he texts, he sends “Question” with no question, to get me to respond first, so I dont know if the text, or question (if any exists) is about me or our child.He also sends “Hey” or “Hello” “WYD” “I miss you” and sometimes videos of toddlers doing stuff our son does lol stuff like that. We dont have a sharing agreement so he visits his son here. Also he facetimes me alot. I haven’t answered any calls because idk what they will be about. when he calls and it doesnt have to do with our son. how can I get out of the conversation without sounding rude? or if the convo starts about our son and then he tries to lead onto something else, how can I cut it short, while still building the desire? I know he misses me, but I want to complete at-least 21 days because I feel he thinks Im always going to be here waiting.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 18, 2020 at 10:11 pm

      Hi Tonia, so you didnt mention if you wanted him back or not? If you do not then you can keep conversation with him in a civil and emotionless style. If you want him back and have to speak to hi on the phone etc, then you speak about your child and then explain that you need to go because you need to do something about the house, or go out somewhere, just casual excuses to get off the phone.

  2. Avatar

    Anne

    November 24, 2020 at 9:30 am

    Hi,
    Thank you for all your work here!
    I love reading them.
    My question is… after 5 years being a dream couple, no fights, big plans about marriage and kids… he broke up with me, because he became bored and chatting with ladies, who boosted his ego… He still keeps calling me almost everyday. A month ago he said he wants to try it again – but then we decided it needs some time… I would prefer to spend quality time together, but he says it is enough if we talk on phone… Why does not he really want to meet? Why does he keep calling me?
    I do not really know if he still wants to try or not anymore.
    He keeps saying he thinks of me everyday, misses me, also the attraction is there.
    But then why do not we meet?
    The breakup was 5 months ago. Sometimes we met during this time. But the no contact was skipped.
    Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2020 at 9:12 pm

      Hi Anne, he keeps calling and not committing because you are confirming you are there when he is ready! You need to NC him!

  3. Avatar

    Jena

    November 5, 2020 at 10:08 pm

    We have been broken up for several months now. I dumped him after he stopped putting in effort because he was feeling down and confused about his life. His messages got shorter and he would constantly hang up on me. We are in a LDR and I felt so alone. I broke up with him so I could be happy on my own. We have that break up/make up cycle going on for four years now. This is the first time I’ve ever broken up with him. He says he can’t commit, yet he’s already dating someone new. He posted their date night on our shared food account. He has been reaching out and sending memes. He just asked me if he could call me tomorrow, but I’m still really hurt. I’m hesitant to even respond to his question asking to call, but in this article you said to accept calls from LDR exes, since contact is limited. He’s the kind of person with a huge ego so I know not responding will only make things worse. He will act out and make me “rue the day.” I want to have self-control, but that seems to fly right out of the window if I think there’s a chance he might want me back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2020 at 10:09 am

      Hi Jena, so if you are following the no contact rule then you would have to ignore all his attempts of contact unless he matches the golden rules – which are mentioned in this article. If you have completed your No Contact of a solid 30 days then you can answer his calls and texts but make sure that you are following the information in the articles and advice when you reach out.

  4. Avatar

    Ashley

    October 22, 2020 at 3:33 am

    My ex fiancé and I are going through a very and nasty break up. I’m a hot head, bad temper, don’t hold back kind of woman and it gets me in trouble. My impulsiveness has definitely caused issues with the relationship and these are things that I am working on via therapy and medication. We officially ended about a week ago, found out he joined tinder the same day. When we fought, they were bad. Very mean and nasty things have been said- never physical, but just hurtful things. I have been following the no context rule and have t talked to him for about 6 days.
    He kept calling me and calling me and I was ignoring it. Then he texted me and said it was an emergency. I called him and he was crying, his grandpa died today and his step mom had a bad heart attack- both he is really close to. We talked for about 10 minutes, he was crying and I was crying because even though I’m so upset with him, I don’t want him to be hurting like that. I’m unsure what to do. I want to be there for him but I’m still very upset at the things he has done. I don’t want to look like a fool.

  5. Avatar

    Chelsea

    September 5, 2020 at 4:19 am

    My ex wants to be friends & wants me to move on, I haven’t called or texted my ex for 4 weeks now but my ex calls me we end up having a convo but out of the blue talks about the breakup & give negative things to say about the breakup or call me toxic or negative things about me but when I tell him to explain then he doesn’t wanna talk about anymore & ends the call & I’m very calm & I talk about other things & I don’t mention the breakup, in this situation I don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 8:07 pm

      Hi Chelsea, it sounds as if you need to re do a no contact and this time ignore his calls as he is going in circles all you are doing is reinforcing his decisions to end the relationship. Read about being ungettable and use social media to show your ex you are doing you and are happy without him. That is how you are going to make him see you in a different light

  6. Avatar

    Xue Xiong

    July 29, 2020 at 4:48 pm

    My ex has been trying to call me but he rarely text me. Can I get some reasons why? It annoys me that he seem to only reach out to me to his own convince. If he spam calls me so many time why couldn’t he just leave a message saying he wants to talk to me, etc. When I reach out asking what he called for or that I missed his call, he either response “butt dialed”, “I forgot”, or just leaves me on read.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 11:27 am

      Hey Xue, it sounds as if your ex is trying to get your attention for some reason. Do you want them back? To spam call you, is not a butt dial, and I find it hard to believe he forgot why he called you a number of times. If you want him back then I suggest that you read some articles and follow the rules of No Contact for some time

  7. Avatar

    Lesego

    May 15, 2020 at 11:51 pm

    Well I dated this guy and he sent me a message to fix things and we did so as time went by after 2 weeks of fixing thing he lied to me and said he left girlfriend for me but only to find out he didn’t and it’s not the first time he cheats
    Last night he called and I answered and said am sleeping but that’s because I didn’t know it’s him and i cut off all communication with him that day I found out he cheated again to be honest i feel like he still cares about me or maybe am fooling myself ? One thing I realised about myself is that I look for him in every guy that I meet despite him cheating he brought me happiness and a reason to date but now as much as I say am happy without him I think I am lying to myself because I wanna convince myself that am done with him when I know am not

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 3:32 pm

      Hey L, this is upsetting for you and the other girl as he is playing games with both of your emotions and minds. I would suggest that you take a step back form the situation and assess it. How would you advise your best friend if this was happening to her? You say you are looking for this guys characteristics in other guys around you, where I would say be wary of that because if you continue to compare you are not going to match. No two people are the same. You need to date with an open mind, even if it takes time to meet someone who is going to get your full attention its better than being with someone who thinks its acceptable to cheat

  8. Avatar

    Janine

    April 9, 2020 at 2:34 pm

    I have been off and on with this guy for about 3 years. He doesn’t call for days and doesn’t respond to texts for days. I put all of the effort into the relationship as it pertains to communication. I think he cares for me because if I need anything, he’s there for me. Otherwise, he’s ghosty. He has no wife. No kids. I texted him and he didn’t respond but called me a week later. This behavior is unacceptable and I’m tired of it. I watched the phone ring out then I texted him saying “just seeing your call, hope all is well”. Should I continue to ignore him. I’m really close to giving up.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 9:24 pm

      Hi Janine, if you want something to change then yes I would treat him the way he treats you as you are not breaking up you sound more of a friends with benefits when HE decides its acceptable

  9. Avatar

    Hassan Ibn Hamid

    February 27, 2020 at 6:09 pm

    My girlfriend broke up with me after 9 years an(our relationship was like break up makeup relationship, she always cheats and I forgive her but this time told me she wants a break up I begged her to stay but refuse that she has gotten someone else, I did the no contact for about 6-7weeks then she pop up again to apologize I thought she was serious and we even had sex. But since there she will never call me and most at times refuses my call. I don’t no what to do whether to go back to no contact or what because she really doesn’t care atall

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2020 at 10:49 pm

      Hi Hassan if your girlfriend treats you this way repeatedly then she knows she gets away with it. I suggest that you ignore her for 45 days minimum and take some time to work on yourself and get over the poor treatment!

  10. Avatar

    Vanessa

    December 30, 2019 at 7:24 pm

    I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over 5 and half years and he decided to end things on Christmas eve. Weve gone through so much and in the beginning but push through because i knew he could change. This past year I noticed he became too comfortbale, I felt as if he was loosing feelings for me. My insecurities got the best of me and I ended up cheating on him. I told him I needed a break because I didn’t want to hurt him anymore but he begged me to stay and gave me a chance. He ended up finding out through my phone and was angry. Eventually he gave me a chance and we were okay for the next 4 months. Days before the breakup we got into an argument and I had said we need a break because I felt so guilty that I had hurt the one I loved the most. I haven’t eaten, im not happy knowing that I lost the love of my life. I turned my phone off for 2 days and he miss understood that for a break and went on a 2 dates with a girl and kissed her. He said it was best if we remained as friends. I was devisated. I went to mexico for 3 days and he called me at 5am because he was depressed and I answered. He said he had told all of his friends that we broke up and all of a sudden his feelings for me came rushing back and that he misses me. He wants me to seeing me when I come back but the next day he said that he doesn’t think we are right for eachother. I don’t know what to do anymore because I want him to trust me again and that I can change. We talked about marriage and kids and what our furture holds before all the time. I know I screwed up and if I could take it all back i would in a heart beat. I regret hurting him in that way and I want him to give me another chance to proof to him. Please help with any advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 4:51 am

      Hey Vanessa, so by the sounds of things a break would do you both good so do a No Contact and work on yourself for some time, insecurities and worries. Communication skills in a relationship too. In the mean time he can have a chance to really miss you and consider how good the relationship had been in the past and what you did have together. As we start to forget negatives and we start to focus on the positives.

  11. Avatar

    Stella

    September 6, 2019 at 4:38 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 2month because I told him before I can have sex with him we have to go for HIV test which he agree,but along the line I had sex with him without going for the HIV test .I told him we have to go for the test he refse I was so angry and end the relationship.i had to stay away from him no contant for 1months two week ,he just called me telling how he miss me and he would love to see me what should I do .

  12. Avatar

    Stella

    September 6, 2019 at 4:29 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 2month

  13. Avatar

    Christy

    May 27, 2019 at 6:05 pm

    Hi please can you check my story I need a response please I sent it two days ago thanks

  14. Avatar

    Christy

    May 26, 2019 at 6:10 pm

    Hi,
    Me and my ex boyfriend met just 2 months ago on Instagram so we talked for about 3 weeks and decided to meet up so he flew me out to meet him for just 4 days he wanted me to stay for a week but I declined and stay for just 4 days . So after I returned back home given he lives in Europe he called me and said that if I can be his girlfriend I accepted. And into 1 month and half into dating he said he loved me and I should make time ASAP so that I can come visit him again. Because he runs his own business in Europe and I just work for someone else in the sates so we decided for the first two trips I will be the one traveling till his business gets in great standing and the third one which will be by September of this year he will come visit me in the states or we can both travel to Dubai . So back track a lil bit when we first accept to be official boyfriend and girlfriend I stopped talking to other plp and he said him too stop texting or replying the other plp he was talking to before he met me. So I believed him. 3 days before his birthdays a Thursday he texted me that his going to be doing a lot of work that day so even if I call I don’t get him he will call me back .

    Mind you before that day we used to talk like 5 times or more a day and even with that we usually text back and forth the whole day plus and lot of FaceTime calls. We will be on the phone till he will falls asleep and I will want to hang up but he will say no forcing himself to talk to him that’s how much close we were.

    So on this day he only texted me once and no calls from him and when I called him he did not pick up. So I went to his Instagram and saw that he posted a video of just himself in a boat going to an island and another video of him in a restaurant just by himself nobody else in the video. So as a girl that have been cheated on before I knew something was not right . So I started digging on his page of the Gals that normally likes his pics and then boom after couple searching I saw a girl posted him on her own Instagram stories with them on the boat and at the restaurant drinking wine and making a cheers and another video of them just laughing about stuff together. So when I saw that I saved the video and I started calling him . I called him like 10 times he never picked up his phone not even once.the whole night I called him he did not pick up his phone. So I sent him a text “ I hope whoever you are with is worth it for you to treat me like this , now i see your true colors “

    The next day when it was around 5pm there time he called me on video and started lying that he was going through some stress with phone plus his WiFi and went to the consulate and he left his phone . And that I should stop assuming that he was with someone else who the hell is that person that will make him not pick my calls … was just going on and on . So I said stop lying now am scared of you just wait let me play you a video so that you can see exactly wr you at yesterday since you’ve forgotten wr you at. When I showed him the video he just hung up the phone and then after 2 minutes he called on FaceTime but he was not showing his face then he said “ I fucked up am ashamed of myself I can’t even look at you am sooo sorry “ he said he was talking to her before we met so he decided to go back to his ways of not being in a relationship wr he can do watever he wanted but he knows his wrong and he promises not to ever let me down again . He said “Am so used to being single for years , i didn’t expect to fall for you to the point of love before he I met you but when i met you I really care for you I want you to be my woman . So I thought I was ready but I will change. am so sorry.

    I cried a lot because he hurt me .

    Mind you it was his birthday so before he got caught he mentioned if I wanted to come visit for his birthday he will get my ticket again I refused because am working so I told him I will make it up to him end of June by coming to visit for a week.

    So I talked to him 2 days after I caught him because he will call me like 20 times a day if not more plus he will text me how sorry he is and ashamed that I should give him another chance have not seen the best of him yet.

    So starting today have started the NC rule with him , he has called me 8 times already and texted me 3 times the last text was “ so you not picking my calls anymore? “
    Because yesterday I conversation ended up breaking up with him and then I hung the phone but I was very calm when breaking up with him I told him I don’t trust him and it’s very hard to get past this.
    Really I still love him and I will hope that he will change like he said so that we can be together because realistically he is the only man that have been with that’s treats like a princess with love and his so proud of me to his friends and brother. Always asking me if am okay ? If I need something ? And he is the first guy that made me so comfortable around him that I took off my make up because I have a lil bit if ace scars that did not say anything bad about it instead he said “ I still look beautiful regardless “ But the part that he cheated so quick in the relationship got me thinking really hard.
    So wat should I do ? Should I still do the NC rule or keep talking to him to figure things out please help me out ASAP thanks I appreciate

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 27, 2019 at 8:38 pm

      So this is a close call. Ummmmm. Maybe trying reaching out in response to his efforts to contact you and try to rebuild the trust. Think in terms of little steps.

  15. Avatar

    Rosa

    May 1, 2019 at 6:58 pm

    This is an awesome blog! Thanks!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 2, 2019 at 1:15 am

      Thanks Rosa!

  16. Avatar

    Sarah

    December 9, 2018 at 5:34 pm

    Hi, I started no contact with my ex who I live with just over 3 weeks after the break up. On day 2 of it he asked to watch TV with me. The next day he text me to apologize, he said he’d been feeling sad that day but knows it’s inappropriate now to want to spend time with me. On day 4 I left to stay with my parents and left him a goodbye note wishing him well for the future. He then text me later that day thanking me for the note, saying he’d enjoyed our relationship and memories together, he told me he was completely miserable, and apologized for any pain he’d caused me. On day 7 of NC he rang me at 10:30pm but I didn’t answer. I text him the next morning to say I hadn’t been able to answer because I was out with friends and just wished him well. He text back 4 hours later saying he was fine and hoped I was too. I’m very very confused by what’s going on. Why can’t be leave me alone to let me move on? Any advice?

  17. Avatar

    Emma

    October 22, 2018 at 2:46 pm

    My bf ended our relationship, we have been together 14 years and 3 kids..he walked out o. Us 4 weeks ago but still keeps texting and phoning saying he wants to see the kids,but when he does he comes at night ,stays for 2 or 3 nights then hez gone again ..please help me with nc because I want him back but Dont want him walking all over me

  18. Avatar

    Natalie

    April 17, 2018 at 4:01 am

    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year plus. Everything was all great and well until his dad actually saw a couple picture of us on facebook (we just got together that time). His dad doesn’t like me from the first glance without knowing me and asked my boyfriend to leave me just because he couldn’t accept me as his girlfriend. Under family pressure and all, my boyfriend decided to leave me and chose his family over me. We had a heartache breakup because both of us still love each other and he still takes care of me very well. After the breakup, we still texted each other on a daily basis until one day I couldn’t bear with being just friends with him and I choose to have “no contact” with him ever since. But he still keep texting me and calling me to know my whereabouts because I’m all alone in the city. I left my hometown and staying in the city for quite some time already. I’m not sure under such circumstances do I still have a chance to get back together with him because I hope he can change his mind that he will regret for leaving me instead of trying to convince his dad to accept me and at least meet me in person before his dad trying to put any other judgment on me. What should I do now?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 17, 2018 at 11:27 pm

      HI Natalie….that’s too bad the Dad acted that way….very judgemental….not cool at all. Natalie, I think you would benefit from my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. You can learn more by clicking my website Menu/Products link. There is so much info in it, much more than I can give your here. I think your chances are quite good. You need a plan and need to understand some texting tactics you can employ. You can’t control what his Dad thinks or says, so don’t worry so much about that. Focus on your ex recovery plan.

  19. Avatar

    Jlynn

    March 16, 2018 at 6:07 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year and a half. During this time, I was taking him back and forward to work and everywhere else he wanted to go. He just purchased a car and no longer needed me to take him anywhere. I asked him what’s going to happen with our relationship. He said, we have no relationship and we were just friends. I clearly got mad and ended what I thought was a relationship. He sent me this long text message apologizing for leading me on. Lately, he has texted me and call me which I have not answer. It’s only been 7 days. What should I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 17, 2018 at 4:05 pm

      Hi Jlynn,

      So you were never gf and bf?

  20. Avatar

    minchin

    January 20, 2018 at 6:59 am

    Hi there, I think I made a mistake and I feel bad about it.
    It’s been 5 months since my former boyfriend dumped me for someone else. And that’s the same time we did not have any communication at all. Fast forward, he sent an emoji to my facebook messenger last December to which I just ignored. This January, he sent another message how I was doing. I said ” doing fine, thanks, I hope the same for you.”
    He responded right away with “thanks.” and asked me if I still work in the same place.
    I responded only after a day with a plain “yes”. and he just replied to me with “?”- a question mark. i sent back that question mark to him and now he just seen it.
    questions and doubts:
    – I think I lost the stand off and the no contact.
    – I think it was maybe his new girlfriend that has access on his messenger that replied to me.
    -If not, what was he thinking? just replying with a question mark after I answered him…
    I am really confused. 🙁
    Please help! thank you so much in advance!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2018 at 5:29 am

      Hi Minchin,
      We don’t know if it was really him or his ex but if it was him, you didn’t really “lose” because you just sent back he did but you shouldn’t have answered in the first place too if you are moving on…

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