Today we are going to be talking about a question I get all the time from my coaching clients,

Chris, how long should you wait before you contact your ex?

From a broad perspective it may appear that this is a question with one singular answer but life isn’t just black and white, there are also shades of grey.

Today I’d like to explore how long you should wait to contact your ex after a breakup and also give you a few tips about what you should say to them if you want to position yourself properly to succeed in getting them back.

Let us begin!

An Exact Count Of How Long You Should Wait Before You Contact Your Ex

There are three big concepts I want to discuss with you today.

  1. The Three Time Frames
  2. The Paradigm Shift
  3. Indirectly Prepping Your Contact Strategy

I don’t expect you to become a master at these overnight. However, what I do expect is for you to pay attention and keep an open mind.

Your chances of success with your ex could very well rely on how and when you contact your ex.

Understand?

Good!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Concept #1: The Three Time Frames

Are you familiar with the no contact rule?

When my coaching clients ask me what it is my response is almost robotic,

The No Contact Rule- Is a period of time where you ignore your ex on purpose with the intent of making them miss you while at the same time giving yourself some time to cultivate your own life.

I think I’ve probably recited that definition on this website hundreds of times.

Here’s what I typically don’t teach the average reader.

I have found that there are three ideal time frames for how long you should be doing the no contact rule for.

And it just so happens that when you contact your ex will rely heavily upon which time frame you choose during your no contact rule.

Oh, and in case you were wondering the no contact rule is an essential part of the overall strategy for getting your ex back.

It has to be done.

If you are skeptical just watch this,

Anyways, there are three time frames upon which I recommend your length of no contact should be.

  1. 21 Days
  2. 30 Days
  3. 45 Days

Some of my peers will sit there are recommend even longer no contact periods but I have found those to be ineffective.

Why?

Did you know that it takes a human being 66 days to form a new habit?

Following this line of thinking we can assume that if your ex wanted to it would only take them 66 days to get out of the habit of thinking about you.

This is why I never recommend long time frames for the no contact rule.

The highest I ever go is 45 days which is quite significant in my opinion.

Often when I am coaching someone they will ask,

How do I know which time frame is perfect for me?

It’s a good question which is why I’ve put together this little graphic,

The way I see it I think every person who goes through a breakup should always aim to start with the 30 day no contact rule.

This is the standard time period that most people recommend.

Often when you are starting a no contact rule you have no idea how effective it will be on your ex.

For some, it can be extremely effective and for others the signs might not be visible.

Here’s my point if you use the 30 day rule as your standard you can shift your time period based on how well things go with your ex.

Let’s say that you try the 30 day rule out on your ex and they contact you 15 times around day 7 of your attempt.

All of these messages are generally positive.

In this particular instance you might want to consider shifting the 30 day rule into a 21 day rule.

Of course, this can work the opposite way as well.

If you attempt the 30 day rule and don’t get any contact from your ex and are extremely worried about contacting them first.

You can always shift your no contact rule up to be a 45 day rule.

Concept #2: The Paradigm Shift

What is a paradigm shift?

The dictionary defines it as a fundamental change in approach or underlying assumptions.

I always like to describe it as outside the box thinking to my clients.

A paradigm shift is change.

It’s where one set of individuals expect you to do one thing and you do another thing.

It’s where you find a new way to do something.

Change is always present throughout a paradigm shift.

When I tell someone new about the no contact rule and get them to buy into it the one thing they always hear is the “make your ex miss you” part.

They completely skip over the “cultivate your own life” part.

I understand the temptation.

However, the single biggest mistake I see people making when they contact their exes is not creating a paradigm shift for their ex.

The no contact rule allows you time to create that paradigm shift.

What do I mean by that?

Look at this graphic below,

Perception is a powerful thing.

Right now your ex perceives you a certain way.

What we need to do is get you to create a paradigm shift and have them view you a different way.

When I was in college I had the pleasure of sitting next to a pretty girl. The problem was that she was a bit larger than I preferred for my own personal tastes.

It wasn’t that she was obese.

Far from it.

It was just that she was “big boned” I should say.

Anyways, since we sat next to each other we got to know each other and exchanged numbers.

She asked me on a few dates and I ended up always making an excuse.

She was very pretty but I couldn’t get past the fact that I viewed her as slightly overweight.

We always remained friendly but slowly and surely we kind of drifted apart.

I never did go on a date with her.

A few years later I was walking to my car with my friend and I ran into her.

It took me a while to recognize her because she looked so differently.

She had lost weight to the point that even my friend pulled me aside and said,

Wait, you had a chance to date her and you didn’t? What’s wrong with you?

I then commenced a very fumbled attempt to try to get her to go on a date with me but the tables had turned.

Instead, she stood me up.

That’s karma for you.

But the experience taught me something interesting.

If you can shift someones perception of you the entire game changes.

Concept #3: Indirectly Prep Your Contact Strategy

In case you haven’t read between the lines yet you are supposed to contact your ex after the no contact rule.

But what are you supposed to say?

I’m actually a big believer that you start prepping what you say before you even think of crafting a text message.

What do I mean by that?

One thing we know from research is that the possibility that your ex is paying attention to you after a breakup is high. Studies have suggested that 90% of exes will “Facebook Creep” you.

I say use this as an advantage.

Create the narrative that you want to create.

Shift the paradigm.

Have your ex watch the story of your life from afar only to wish they were there with you.

Social media is a weapon.

Make sure you use it effectively.

I’ll give you an example.

Last year I was doing a coaching call with a client and she was struggling what she was going to say to her ex after the no contact rule.

That was when I described the idea of “priming” to her.

Of slowly drip feeding information to her ex to excite him enough to respond to her messages.

She told me that she couldn’t really think of a way to text her ex but she wanted to find a non threatening way to tell him that she was going to be in his area for work.

They were long distance.

She didn’t want him to think that she was stalking him because she really did have work in his area.

Anyways, I started quizzing her on things that he was interested in throughout their relationship.

It turns out that he was a huge game of thrones fan.

So, we came up with the idea to do something outside the box and take this picture of the dragon queen,

And literally photoshop her face onto it,

Once that was done she was supposed to post it to Facebook with a caption like,

Check out my ride into (area the ex was) for work on Thursday?

She did this a good three days before she was supposed to go to work.

Her ex immediately liked the photo and texted her,

Instant date!

All because she primed her arrival properly.

Here is my point.

You need to be using social media like this.

Don’t copy the dragon queen thing entirely.

But use the idea for your own purposes!

What to Read Next

How To Get Your Ex To Initiate Contact With You

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Why Does My Ex Talk To Me And Then Ignore Me?

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How To Make Him Want You Back

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70 thoughts on “How Long Should You Wait Before You Contact Your Ex?”

  1. Avatar

    Anonymous

    May 20, 2020 at 3:53 am

    Hi Chris and Team!
    I wanted to tell you that the month long no contact actually worked for me! I’ve never had any luck with my exes in fact, my one ex is now engaged but I’ve been trying to be good this time around. My ex and I dated for almost a year and a half, had an amicable breakup, and managed to stay in touch and on good terms. We had an especially good conversation a month ago where it felt like we were really almost friends again and then time started going by where we weren’t talking (and we had talked about once a week before this). But I thought about your rule and I waited it out to see what would happen. It ended up being almost a month on the dot! But I ran into a mutual friend at the park yesterday and we talked for a bit, but I guess he told my ex about it because he texted me today and we talked for a little bit! I was a little unsure of how this whole thing goes so I’m grateful to have your advice! Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 8:02 pm

      This is awesome news thanks for your feedback 🙂

  2. Avatar

    Janelle

    May 14, 2020 at 2:10 pm

    I know you say 45 days is the limit, but my ex boyfriend and I maintained very positive communication in the the first 2 months since weve broken up and at times it even felt like we were becoming friends again, but we haven’t talked in the past month. I guess with quarantine theres been nothing to talk about. I know he sees me in a good light though. His birthdays at the end of june and I thought maybe that would be the perfect way to initiate contact again. Do you think that would be okay or do you think it might be too late?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 4:31 pm

      Hi Janelle we do not suggest that you reach out for a birthday after a No Contact period. I understand that you have been communicating since your break up but to follow this process we see that completing a No Contact sees the most success

  3. Avatar

    Amber

    May 6, 2020 at 2:40 pm

    Hi just asking what do I do make contact with my ex agin it’s been 4 weeks since we broke up we had a fight and I missing him I don’t want him to think I’m despite or stalking him and it was a long distance relationship how can o snow him instead that I have feelings him and I cared for him and make him i Interested in me agin

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 12, 2020 at 7:13 pm

      Hi Amber, there are many articles that can help you produce your first reach out after NC

  4. Avatar

    Kathryn

    April 22, 2020 at 12:38 am

    Hello,
    Me and my boyfriend were together for 8 months, but this is the best relationship I’ve been in and I love and care about him deeply. His dad suddenly passed 2 months into our relationship, and although it was hard it only brought us closer together. Everything was completely fine (at least from my end) and we seemed like we were at an all time high. Randomly, out of the blue, he called me to break up with me because he said he couldn’t handle grieving his dad and having a girlfriend at the same time. And now he is questioning his feelings for me saying “I don’t know how I feel I don’t know what I want I’m sorry.” I really want him back in my life but I understand he needs time. Where do I go from here?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 11:52 am

      Hi Kathryn, I would say hes been honest and is struggling to deal with his grief, losing a parent is a difficult process to go through and understand. Sometimes that means they walk away from others until they start to feel better. I would follow the NC period and then reach out after 45 days

  5. Avatar

    Matt preen

    April 21, 2020 at 3:03 pm

    Hi I hope you can help

    So me and my now ex broke up over a stupid Row and a miss read badly typed text message from me a week ago now , obviously with all this virus going about it’s causing major stress and she works for the nhs over her in the UK so is doing mad overtime at work and is struggling ext

    When ever I try to sort things out she will say I “through it away so easily” even though I went to hers the next morning to make amends face to face so braking up is clearly not what I wanted ,

    She will call my back if I attempt to call her and she misses it or even text me to say she is a bit busy at the mo when I call her and she can not answer ,

    We had a long neutral phone conversation a few days ago which I cut short because in my mind I was confused how she could just call back and speak like nothing had happened yet when I asked her to go for a walk/ talk in a neutral place to try and sort us out she reply’s there is nothing to sort out and again “you through it away so easily”

    Iv asked her to just be honest with me and tell me if it’s not going to work out As I will respect her answer and leave her be but she totally avoids the question …

    What should my next move be

    Thanks guys

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 6:41 pm

      Hi Matt, so the fact shes avoiding the question means she is unsure more than anything I think. Plus she works for the NHS shes going to be in the most stressful uncertain time of her career, so be patient. If you are there for her to talk to when she does have the time, she is showing interested, and she is spending her free time talking to you. I am thinking its more fear than anything so if you keep as you are having the conversations over the phone being supportive and patient that you are going to show her you are not walking away easily but try to avoid the heavy emotional conversations about getting back together for now as she is going to feel pressured to decide when she is currently working in a very stressful environment as it is

  6. Avatar

    caleb

    April 15, 2020 at 6:50 am

    Hi Chris,
    I recently broke up with my ex-girlfriend of 3 years and she seems quite interested in dating and talking to other people it seems, I am wondering whether it is worth pursuing her still and progressing with the 30 days no contact time frame. I am still very much in love with her and wish to spend the rest of my life with her and am implementing daily routines and aspects that weren’t present within the relationship in hopes that it’ll prove effective…. one more thing we are quarantining together and I’m trying my best to limit my neediness and limiting contact.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 22, 2020 at 9:59 pm

      Hi Caleb, only you can really decide if you want to try and get your ex back or not but the information in these articles can help you if that is what you choose to do

  7. Avatar

    Spyridoula

    April 12, 2020 at 1:27 am

    Hey i read your article
    My ex broke up with me on March 23rd
    It’s been almost 3 weeks now
    After our break up he contacted me 2 days later asking how i am but left me on read after like 2 messages
    I reached out to him after 4 days and he did send me a message as to why I’m messaging him but i didn’t reply
    After again 4 days i reached out again and we talked a bit, i offered to talk bit by bit and he can choose whether we can be together in the future or not, he said it was a good idea but wouldn’t work in the long run. Eventually he was distant and cold, still leaving my messages on read and even telling me that I’m the only one trying to get back together, but he never rejected my idea and told me to meet other people and then come back to him if none has worked out and probably we can start again what is that?? I told him i don’t like all this mindset he has and it feels very one sided, he said the problem is just me and he had no problem communicating with me the passed few days. I’m currently on day 6th again of NC, are there chances he’ll try to reach out after the 30 days NC rule? If not, should i? I really want him back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 13, 2020 at 3:40 pm

      Hi Spyridoula, No Contact is not about waiting for him to reach out to you – I suggest you read a few articles and understand what it is about, but it is 30 days where you work on your Holy Trinity, and then on day 31 you reach out to your ex with a text that Chris suggests, again this can be found in the articles

  8. Avatar

    Anna

    April 6, 2020 at 1:42 am

    Hi
    I officially broke up with my ex march 4th. I did through text this time. I wasnt happy anymore due to feeling i had to beg to be intimate. And he had few exes on his FB. He removed them but i felt as he restricted me on his FB because he never liked my posts but did others. He claimed he didn’t see them. After this COVID19 outbreak 2 weeks ago i message on FB his stepmom to see how everyone is doing and to give them advice and update as i work in medical field. I didn’t want to contact him as i didn’t want him to think im trying to get him back. These past few days i wanted to text him to see how is he doing but i cant help but to argue with myself why is he not asking about me and my kids( he met them he has no kids). I still love him and would give us a chance if he realize my hurtings and show his love to me as he claimed he loved me. Should i let him go even if is so hard to or should i contact him or you think he should be also concerned about my well being and contact me first? I dont want to be naive one.. thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 7, 2020 at 12:03 am

      Hi Anna, if you want him back then complete 30 days NC and then reach out. I would also not reach out to his family during this time. Stick to your 30 day NC work on your holy trinity and focus on you and your children during this difficult time.

  9. Avatar

    Courtney

    April 5, 2020 at 4:35 am

    Hello,
    My boyfriend and I broke up on March 3rd after a 8 month relationship. I really care about him n hope to work things out with him, however I didn’t give him space when he wanted it in fear he’d lose feelings for me…. he told me on Wednesday, April 1st, we’d never work things out and I’m wondering if he meant it or if he just said it to get that space he wanted.. he was also a little angry at the time of saying that.. heres a little background into our relationship… he NEVER wanted kids or to get married until he met me, it was a very happy loving relationship until I got bad mentally (I have seasonal depression) which then, we started fighting a lot and that’s why we broke up..

    I haven’t talked to him for the past 2 days, I was planning on in like 2 weeks to a month to see if he’d talk to me, cause he said he would talk about what happened between us when he’s ready too. However he has a horrible memory due so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask him to talk, to see if he is ready. Two weeks after our break up he was still telling me he loved me. He kept his word one night as well. I know he still cares about me as he did tell me that, n he just decided that we are still friends (he didn’t know if we were or not before). My dad told me today he thinks that he only said that we won’t work things out to get the space he wanted. My parents saw how much he loved me n they really liked him. I’m just extremely worried that he really meant that, but my heart n gut keep telling me he really didn’t mean it.. we also have a pet together.

    I was wondering if you think I still have another chance with him? If I do, what do I do to get him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2020 at 8:25 am

      Hi Courtney, so by the sounds of things you have gnatted him so I would go to a 45 day NC and then reach out, and ignore him in the mean time. Regardless if he reaches out you do not reply. Give him the space that he asked for and in that time work on yourself, follow the information for the Holy Trinity. If you want him back then read as many articles and use the information to help you

  10. Avatar

    Anuradha

    March 26, 2020 at 12:56 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend broke up with me and went back to his Ex. But we were still in touch for many months. But few months back he suddenly removed me from his contact list and said he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore as he don’t want me to think that he is still with me. Then I too decided to move on and removed his number from my contact list as well. After 2 months of no contact I guess he has added me back as I can see his last seen and profile picture on Whatsapp. Is it a positive sign? Its been 3 months of no contact now. Should I add him on my contact list? Should I initiate the conversation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 9:33 pm

      Hey there so yeah I would say it is positive that he has added your number bat it shows that he would be open to speaking with you. But I would make sure that you reach out with a text that Chris suggests and keep to the texting advice given, do not outstay out welcome and make sure you end the conversation not him

  11. Avatar

    Anonymous

    February 25, 2020 at 10:45 pm

    Hello whichever expert reads this.

    Me and my girlfriend had been dating for almost 3 years. We are both around 21. We were a match made in heaven. She loved the hell out of me, and even though sometimes I played it cool, I loved her dearly too. We were both pretty set on having a future together. However, in the first month of our relationship, I was dumb and immature and was inappropriately texting another girl overseas. After I did that, I felt so ashamed and disgusted in myself and immediately deleted all contact with that person and devoted myself to my girlfriend. However, she feels strongly about cheating, and this same girl from overseas messaged my girlfriend and told her that we were sexting while I was dating my gf. She confronted me, and we were unable to recover our relationship. She broke up with me the next day. I know she still loves me because up until this incident, she was crazy for me. I still love her and want her to see the changes I made and how special our relationship actually was. Is there any way I can get her back? I’m two days into no contact.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 3, 2020 at 9:42 pm

      Hey there so yes there is a chance but it starts with working on yourself during No Contact making sure you are the best version of yourself. You do however need to make sure you do not speak to the other girl again and you are going to have to work to gain your exes trust back

  12. Avatar

    monica

    February 24, 2020 at 12:24 am

    hi chris, so my ex and i broke up on monday of this week after a whole year-long relationship and it’s now sunday.

    so for some background, the day of our break up and the night after our breakup i had called him and begged and apologized for all that i messed up on (since he believed he was feeling trapped in the relationship and wanted to let me go because i would always fight with him on the dumbest things). i even asked him if he would take me back in the future– he responded with probably, but he still wanted to date other people while we were split up! what?! plus, he even admit to not wanting me to move on with someone else, but wanted to date other people?? it got me all confused.

    but i have a sibling that let me borrow her phone for a bit today, and i think i made a really bad decision; i pretended to be my sister texting him, and he just responded with “stop trying to push things between us”, admitting that he’s going to want to date other people. i even told him that i said i didn’t love him anymore (which was a COMPLETE bluff, i wouldn’t be here if i didn’t still want him back).

    i’m just now applying NC once again for the second time this week, as i attempted it for two days on wednesday and thursday but i fed into my temptations of his texts of checking if i was okay. my question is, did i make a huge mistake?? did i blow it?? can he come back?? what happens after this? i tend to overthink a lot and this has been on my mind since this morning.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 26, 2020 at 11:08 pm

      Hey Monica you have not blown it no, but you have got to start again from day 1. Where you stick to it for a minimum of 30 days and do not reach out or reply to anything he sends you. Each time you break it it loses its effectiveness. Dont let yourself overthink, become focused on yourself and work on becoming Ungettable

  13. Avatar

    Iustina

    February 10, 2020 at 12:22 am

    Hi. I dated my ex for 4 weeks and he broke up with me because he thinks I deserve better, he told me that I put pressure on him and we started wrong our relationship, that he is not healed from the past and he doesn’t want to me make me suffer.
    I want him back. Last time he said that he wants to be friends, to meet for a Coffee or to go to dance someday. I agreed to stay friends. He didn’t text me after the day we broke up.
    How can I have him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 11, 2020 at 11:32 pm

      Hey Iustina, the best way to improve your chances is to follow the program and work on yourself in that time. Read as many articles that apply to your situation on this website and make sure you focus on how to become Ungettable

  14. Avatar

    Pauline

    December 31, 2019 at 7:54 pm

    Hi chris, do you have any advice for lesbians relationship? Because me and my girlfriend broke up last week with a simple and first fight, lately she was being cold to me, so i asked for space, and then my ex girlfriend messaged me during the Time that I wasn’t talking to my girlfriend, my ex told me she wants to get back to me, at first i told her no because i love my girlfriend but then she insisted and my fault was i told her I’ll think about it, but the nextday I messaged my ex I don’t want to get back to her and i will call my girlfriend to fix our problem, so i called my girlfriend and told her everything with my ex and then that’s when she broke up with me, i will understand if she wil get upset but breaking up with me I don’t think it’s the right thing to do.. I tried to convince her and begged her but she made up her mind and she told me she can’t trust me anymore, we are in a long distance relationship too like 2-3hrs flight. Do you think if i do the NC she will realize everything and come back to me? We been together for 1yr5mnths and i met her in dating app. I met her family and same thing with her she met my family, we see each other like in every 3-4, all in all we been together for a month in person, and for the entire relationship we stayed on the phone every night. Btw in the end of our break up, she told me we can still be friends, but I can’t give her what she wants because i love her

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 4, 2020 at 11:36 pm

      Hi Pauline, so the rules still apply. No contact allow some space and reach out after 30 days, where you focus on yourself and how you are going to improve in the factors that broke the relationship up, showing your ex you are the best person for them out there. So while you’re in no contact work on yourself use social media to show how you are doing great things with yourself.

  15. Avatar

    Nikki

    November 28, 2019 at 5:49 pm

    My ex and i broke up oct 28th. I constantly texted him and his family, even after he blocked me. About a week later he texted me but was telling my step dad everything i said. We havent spoke since then and he has since changed his number. Should NC start from date we last spoke?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 28, 2019 at 9:27 pm

      Hey Nikki yes you restart from the day after you last spoke

  16. Avatar

    Nova

    November 19, 2019 at 6:26 am

    hi chris,
    so my boyfriend and i recently went on a break due to him needing time to work on his mental stability. we both said i’d we ever want to talk we can and that we would like to try to make it work if it ever could. we both still very much love each other and want what is best for the other person. is the 30 day contact rule still what i should be shooting for or is it more towards a the 24 day?
    i don’t want to intrude on his time of self work, but also do not want to be apart.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 19, 2019 at 8:13 pm

      Hi Nova yes you are aiming for 30 days, there is no 24 day plan I am afraid. Stick to the process plan

  17. Avatar

    Dina

    October 27, 2019 at 2:48 pm

    Hi,
    Two questions please:
    1- does it matter who did the breaking up? If they did the breaking up do i still contact them or is it over?

    2- they don’t have social media. What do i do in that case?

    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 27, 2019 at 8:33 pm

      Hey Dina, it doesn’t matter who ends things still do the No Contact and work on yourself. And as for social media you will have mutual friends so you still need to post to social media and make the most of the image you can create to his sphere of influence

  18. Avatar

    Angela

    October 24, 2019 at 1:21 pm

    Hi Chris.
    The last time my ex and I talked was on August 9th but I sent a text message to him on August 13th and he didn’t reply. We haven’t talked since then and its been over 70 days. Do I still have a chance to start with him again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2019 at 8:38 pm

      Hi Angela, so we advise to speak before 66 days are up because of the way habits are formed. But you need to reach out with a text about his interests and rebuild your connection with him so that you can work your way up the value chain again

  19. Avatar

    Michelle

    September 9, 2019 at 11:53 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I had been dating this guy for 3 months. He’s a medical school student so he only has free time on the weekends. On top of that we live 2 hours away from each other and he doesn’t have social media. He recently ended things for reasons like being busy with school, wanting to be more selfish with his time, and he wasn’t sure what he wanted relationship wise. Which confuses me because we had been dating as if we are boyfriend and girlfriend already. I feel like he is stressed about a big exam coming up and that is what triggered the break up. But i just don’t know. The break up was very amicable but I don’t see him to be one to reach out to me during NC. Anyway, since he doesn’t have social media how can I “prime” him or make him want me if he’s most likely not even creeping on my social media?

    1. Shaunna

      Shaunna

      September 12, 2019 at 9:08 pm

      Michelle, follow the program and you will have your best chance of getting him back

  20. Avatar

    Mark

    September 8, 2019 at 10:39 pm

    Every time I told my ex she said well we’re not going to live together until my sons school you know if you want to take a break and see how it goes and I didn’t want to take a break I said I care about you I’m not looking for anybody else in this weekend coming up for about a year. And then last week I didn’t hear from her all day and I wasn’t meaning I know I don’t know I know she had an abusive relationship before but all I was meaning was I don’t mean to bother you and I think she took the bed and the Saturday that done at three Saturdays ago I said and don’t mean to bother you she got up I guess you have a bent out of shape about it and then I just told her I missed her that Sunday and she’s like well we can take a break if you want because it’s gonna be a while before we can we can do anything I said I care about you she said if you have me a lot of things to think about I said think about what we’ve already talked about getting married and I said when I’m not with you and really miss you and I really care about you she said you know let’s take a step back and then she seem like she was trying to break up the whole time and I didn’t understand that you know it was like I do not care about this woman deeply and I never loved anybody . And I told her and I feel silly for it and tell her and as I said sometimes when you’re not around when I don’t hear from you that it hurts and she said love should never heard I said we both been divorced for so you know and she said well we need to take a big step back and you know Ann I didn’t understand that and Internet spotlight on her set up an iPad not on purpose I just put an Instagram account out and found one Instagram because she was in my phone contacts and I found 115 of the websites and she has an app called stocker and I eat all her accounts are locked so it’s not like I could get into them but it’s like I care about this one and I’d want to get creeped up on me she said before the break up before the last guys were texting a little bit and she said that that I was it was a pity party that he would you know it it is like she’s mitigating how I felt that wasn’t missing heard it was a pity party and all she heard she said all she heard my voice before I hung up with pain and sadness and it wasn’t it was just missing her there was a pity party just like Rex husband and I did want to remind her of her ex-husband and then she said the day before that it was me trying to make her feel guilty because I said I didn’t want to bother you or I was bothering you it was just me that’s just how she made me feel so is there any way this is going to be resolved and she’s already got in I think she’s already got a new boyfriend I’m not sure but I wasn’t sending her any messages on anything and she blocked my thing on Instagram we weren’t even friends on Instagram I didn’t even know she was on all these accounts so you know on her accounts are private so we went I wasn’t sending any messages but she knows that I found her on some accounts so you know I wasn’t stalking her but I just want to know why she was so angry with me because I really did care about this woman deeply and I felt like To me it just felt like she went out of her way to be angry at the break up and I’m just tell her that I cared about and want to be with her and she kept for time she said it was a pity party and was just like Rex husband and all that I was jealous of her friends and her and her life and I’m like I know we’re not living together but I still wanna hear from you and be with you and I was you know so her leaving me and she said take a big step back and she’s already blocked me on her phone and you should not be an Instagram and also it’s like I’m I’m pretty sure it’s over but it is in I’ve had break up before but nobody none of them hurt like that and I don’t know I feel like maybe I should just let her go and she told me that you know it’s you know let’s go she was trying to break it up and see make sure trying to break it up easy so what is your advice is completely over

    1. Shaunna

      Shaunna

      September 12, 2019 at 9:34 pm

      Hey Mark, complete your NC and work on being Ungettable. Read about being blocked by an ex and what to do using social media. She will check in on your page even if you are blocked there are ways. You need to work on your value chain once your NC is over 🙂

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