The No Contact Rule

Will the No Contact Rule Work for You?

The one question we get more than any other is Will the No Contact Rule Work For My Situation?

I can’t read through and answer each question individually (because I literally get hundreds, sometimes thousands of emails per day), but what I did do is built an awesome calculator that I use myself to determine the impact of the No Contact Rule on almost any situation.

It takes about 4 minutes, and will go through 1) Details About You, 2) Details About Your Ex Boyfriend, and 3) The External Factors Involved in your breakup, and will calculate the actual chances that using the No Contact Rule will be effective in your situation.

Kind of like personalized advise from me for free 🙂

Take 5 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Now!

The no contact rule isn’t really a complicated concept to grasp. You basically cut off all communication with your ex for a certain amount of time. Generally, the no contact rule occurs after a breakup. Yet, it’s amazing how many people have trouble doing this correctly. Thus, this page is meant to teach you how to successfully implement the no contact rule so you can put yourself in the best position to get your ex back.

(Disclaimer- I realize that this website is meant mostly for women who are trying to get their exes back. However, this particular page deals with a universal subject that can be used by both men and women. So, if you are trying to get an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back then you came to the right place.)

LET’S CUT TO THE CHASE CAN YOU GET YOUR EX BACK WITH THE NC RULE?

It is very possible. That is why you are here right, to get your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend) back? Here is the deal though, I realize that over time I have become the no contact  guy since I am such a huge advocate for it. But no matter what I tell you in this article I know that there will be a certain percentage of you who struggle.

That’s why I want to introduce you to one of the best resources you can find online,

The No Contact Rule Book

You like Harry Potter, right?

Well, I wrote a book that is almost as long as the very first Harry Potter book and it talks about the no contact rule exclusively.

It answers all the hard questions.

It tells you when you can break it

IF you can break it

How to handle it if you work with an ex

Oh, and the GOLDEN exception.

I’ll leave that one for the book to explain. Anyways, if you are interested in diving deep and learning everything there is to know about the no contact rule I suggest you check out this book immediately,

The No Contact Rule Book

1 - What is the No Contact Rule?

As stated above, it is basically an agreement with yourself that you are going to cut your ex out of your life for a certain period of time. Let me put this in terms that you will hopefully make things clearer:

Doing The Following Things Are NOT Allowed

  • Calling your ex on your phone.
  • Texting your ex.
  • Hanging out with them.
  • Emailing them.
  • Leaving your ex notes.
  • Bumping into them on purpose.

2 - How Long to Keep No Contact Going?

30-days

Believe it or not but a lot of experts debate on this subject. Some will swear that 60 days (or two months) of not contacting an ex is optimal. Others claim that 90 days (or three months) is the way to go. I personally don’t agree with either of those assessments but then again each broken relationship is different and will require unique individual time frames. With that being said I believe that a minimum of 30 days is the way to go. This amount of time will give you and your ex enough breathing room to calm down and look at the situation more rationally.

Again, I cover this extensively in my book, The No Contact Rule Book. So if you want a much clearer picture of how this all works I recommend you check that out.

3 - Situations Where It Is Impossible to Avoid Contact

no eye contact

There will be certain situations where it will be impossible to ignore your ex. Remember, your goal with a no contact period is not to become a jerk so there is no reason to use it that way. If you find yourself in these situations and ONLY IN THESE SITUATIONS you can break your no contact agreement but there is a certain way you have to act.

Situation 1- If you have kids with the person. No contact in this case can be tricky. Your goal is to remain calm, civil and pleasant during any interactions with your ex. However, keep any talking simple and short. If you immediately cave and start talking about your feelings not only will you turn the person completely off but having a feelings  conversation in front of your kids probably isn’t the best venue. After your interaction go straight back into no contact mode. This means no calling, texting or facebooking them.

Situation 2- If you live with this person even after the breakup. No doubt it can be really tricky to no contact  a person when they are literally living with you. While this situation may suck it certainly isn’t impossible to cut off a significant portion of your contact with them. Your goal in this case is to be a very respectful roommate. However, you also need to remember that you are creating a new life of which they are separate from (or you need to appear to be creating one.) Again, keep any conversation simple, short and pleasant.

Situation 3- This one isn’t really like the other situations. Your ex may call you or show up on your doorstep wanting to collect their belongings. If this happens don’t be a jerk and prevent them from getting their stuff. You should know the drill, keep any conversation short and simple. If they try to talk about your relationship don’t get baited into doing so.

4 - I Broke the No Contact Rule... What Now?


rule

So, we have already established that in order to do a NC (No Contact Rule) correctly you are going to have essentially cut your ex out of your life for a minimum of 30 days. Now, a lot of you may be thinking that doing that is a piece of cake. If so, then you would be dead wrong. You’d be surprised at the amount of people who break on the first day. It can be especially hard when your heart is begging you to just pick up the phone and type a simple text message to your ex. Unfortunately, by breaking NC you are losing power and control over your relationship which at this stage is a very bad thing.

Besides, breaking the NC means you have to start over from day one. For example, lets just say that you advanced 15 days without even initiating contact with your ex (he/she may have contacted you but we will talk about that later on this page.) However, on day 16 you cave and contact them. Well, by doing this you are going to have to start your NC period over again FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. In order for this process to work you need to prove that you can go 30 full days without relying on your ex for a conversation.

A STRESSFUL CHOICE

You may find that as you embark on this essential 30 day freeze out from your ex that they may try to initiate contact with you. If this happens I guarantee you that you are going to want to talk to them. Maybe they call you. Maybe they send you that simple one word text hey.  Whatever happensDO NOT CAVE IN if this contact comes before the allotted 30 days. Even then though, you can’t begin to think about talking to your ex until you complete some of the other things outlined on this page which leads us to our next section

Will the No Contact Rule Work for You?

The one question we get more than any other is Will the No Contact Rule Work For My Situation?

I can’t read through and answer each question individually (because I literally get hundreds, sometimes thousands of emails per day), but what I did do is built an awesome calculator that I use myself to determine the impact of the No Contact Rule on almost any situation.

It takes about 4 minutes, and will go through 1) Details About You, 2) Details About Your Ex Boyfriend, and 3) The External Factors Involved in your breakup, and will calculate the actual chances that using the No Contact Rule will be effective in your situation.

Kind of like personalized advise from me for free 🙂

Take 5 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Now!

5 - What to Do During the Time Period

choices

You didn’t think you were just going to sit around on the couch all day catching up on re-runs of Friends during this time did you? No, I am very big into remaining active and so should you. This is a perfect time to improve yourself which is exactly what you are going to be doing during this time. You are going to become the best version of yourself mentally and physically! But first I feel compelled to mention:

Behaviors To Avoid

  • Staying at home all day or refusing to go out.
  • Drinking too much alcohol.
  • Sleeping all day long.
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about your breakup.
  • Making major life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work.

(The rest of the behaviors can be found in this book.)

The smartest thing that you can do during NC is to improve yourself both mentally and physically. Lets start by taking a look at how you can improve yourself physically.

Positive Physical Changes

change your appearance

Break-ups can happen for many different reasons. However, if you know for a fact that your ex became less attracted to you over the course of your relationship you can work to change that. When talking about physical changes during the NC period you should aim to become the sexiest version of yourself. For example, if you let yourself go a little bit during the relationship then it would be wise to use your time getting in better physical shape. Not only are the health benefits immense to getting in good shape but it can legitimately be a step in the right direction to getting an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back. Lets take a look at more positive physical changes you can make in your life:

  • Lose weight (if you are overweight.)
  • Quit smoking (especially if your ex significant other had a problem with this.)
  • Update your wardrobe.
  • Get a new haircut.
  • Be sure that your hygiene is taken care of.
  • Clean up your diet.
  • Treat any skin problems you may have (example: acne.)

(More chances can be found in this book.)

Positive Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

Becoming the sexiest version of yourself is only half the battle when it comes to taking a positive step towards getting your ex back. In fact, you could make the argument that the mental side of things during the no contact period is even more important than the physical side. First off, let me define what I am going to include in this section. Obviously the positive mental changes is going to cover mental aspects but it will also help you understand the importance of not falling off the map socially. Lets take a look at what some of the most important mental changes you can make are:

  • Prepare yourself for the fact that there is no guarantee that you will be getting your ex back.
  • Do some brainstorming and determine what the real reason of your breakup with your ex was.
  • Keep your friends close and confide in them. They are there to listen.
  • If your friends are going out or you are invited out, GO!
  • Don’t be afraid to go on a date with someone new if you really want to. It’s ok, this can actually help you get your ex boyfriend back.

(More chances can be found in this book.)

6 - Why the No Contact Rule Works

no-talking

In this section we are going to study some of the major benefits to implementing a NC rule immediately after your breakup. Hopefully this section will make you realize the true importance of not talking to your ex for 30 days. By now you should realize that the NC rule is important even if you aren’t trying to get your ex back because it will force you to focus on the most important thing, YOU!

Right now you are crazy. Immediately after a breakup is when you are at your most emotional  state. Taking a break from your ex for a minimum of 30 days will give you time to calm down and think more rationally. Not only this but it will give your ex some time to calm down as well. Nothing is going to get accomplished if the both of you are constantly a word away from getting into an argument.

It’s a psychological tactic to getting your ex back if you want. Think of it this way, by ignoring your ex they are going to begin to wonder why he/she isn’t begging me to take them back. It’s interesting, because it allows you to essentially turn the tables on them and gain control over the situation.

Instead of focusing on fighting with your ex you can focus on healing. The no contact rule isn’t just a psychological tactic to getting your ex back it is also a way to ensure that you have time to properly heal. breakup up sucks no if’s, and’s or buts about it. With a month of free time away from your ex you can really get a lot done in the healing department.

Prevents the infamous on again-off again relationship. I am sure you have met one of these types of couples that break up every few months only to get back together again after a few weeks. Healthy relationships are not built on a shaky foundation. They are built by strong ones and the no contact period allows you the proper amount of time to start building that strong foundation again.

You might learn after some soul searching that you don’t want to get back with this person again.This happens a lot more than you realize. Someone who feels so strongly about their ex goes on the 30 day freeze out period and after the 30 days are up they realize that they have no desire to get back with this person again.

What Do You Think? (5,347)

  1. Katie - 0

    Katie

    Hi, I met a guy online and we became very good friends and our relationship become strong and we became so close, I felt very comfortable with him and same for him (he is an introvert). We started dating for 3 months (the total time we knew each other was 6 months), he went on vacation for 3 weeks and I was texting him every now and then to check that he is having a great time, suddenly he started being distant and then when I questioned if everything was ok, he broke up with me via text message saying that he met someone. I tried reaching out to him in 2 messages, first message I tried explaining to him that I would have preferred if he told me face to face instead of texting me and I would have respected his decision….no response from him, then my 2nd message was that I asked him that I value his friendship and don’t wanna loose him as a friend and we are civilized and mature enough to maintain a friendship (I sent him an FB request) cuz I removed from facebook….also no response from him…..what shall I do ? i will no longer contact him but is there any chance that he would come back ???

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi katie,

      to be honest if it was pure online, you have a small chance.. and he probably knows that trying to be friends right after the break up was just a form of chasing

  2. rachael - 0

    rachael

    Hi! Hopefully someone can shed some light into the situation that I’m in with my ex-boyfriend of about a year.

    Let me start off by saying that I broke up with him (2 days ago so I know it’s too soon to tell). I broke up with him because I started to feel like he was falling out of love with me. As soon as we got out of school and his brother came home from college he acted like I didn’t exist. He started spending all of his time with said brother- golfing, dinners, sports games etc. and he only made time for me at night after work or after he had eaten dinner with his family. Because this is a very tight Italian family, things like dinners and family activities were really important to them which is what I think lead to our demise. On top of that his brother was really controlling and always tried to convince him to break up with me even though I really felt like I was a good girlfriend. We didn’t fight all the time and I really did try to give him his space (especially in the beginning). Slowly I started getting kind of needy and I would express to him all the time that I was disappointed we weren’t spending as much time together (even going as far to cry a couple times in front of him) which lead to him taking me for granted. I hate to say it this way but I was out of his league. He was shy, never talked to girls, didn’t have too many friends and wasn’t too smart. But I always tried to make him feel like he was so special and loved because he really was. I couple times I threatened to take a break or break up with him if he didn’t make more of an effort to see me and every time he swore up and down that he would- he never did. I felt like I was being lied to and manipulated and it got to the point where every time I was upset about this he would get short with me and dismiss it instead of being sweet and understanding like he used to. Now his brother is out of his life because he went back to college and my ex is also going to be moving into a dorm in a few days (30 mins away not long distance). He talked to me every second of every day and we had a good relationship until the end. However, I feel like because he’s staring college and because he was so distant over the summer and because he didn’t really fight for me or anything when we broke up that he never cared at all. The breakup was by all means graceful as I told him I didn’t want this and that I was sorry however when we began to fight I said something off color about his brother which caused him to storm out (not the best of moves I know). I had every intention of going NC and since I broke up with him neither one of us has reached out. I’m going insane and I wish I never did this but honestly we were each others first loves and I was hoping this would propel him to treat me better going forward. But ever since he walked out on me I’ve been terrified he’s out of my life forever- anything I can do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachael,

      you said the relationship was ok when you broke up with him, so it’s just out of worry? The good news is that he still has feelings for you.. So, for now take this no contact as restart..improve yourself before talking to him again

  3. Marie - 0

    Marie

    Does Chris recommend sending a message if the ex contacts you like “I’m sorry but I don’t think we should be speaking right now.” or something like that? Or just flat out ignore?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Marie,

      it depends but it’s better if you just ignore him..

  4. TEL - 0

    TEL

    I had the same situation. Been doing the nc for a week now. You said that I should complete 45 days nc. He never stopped sending me message of the highlights of his day. Most of his messages are about his problems on work and family. This morning he said that he thinks that I’m really moving on. And I still didn’t reply. Don’t know if this is a good sign. I still want him back. I’m already improving myself and I know that I’m really good at ignoring him. Do you think there’s any positive signs from his messages?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi tel,

      it is but it looks like he’s just trying to friendzoned you

  5. Amelia - 0

    Amelia

    I was wondering whether the 30 day no contact rule would still work even if your ex hasn’t made any attempt to contact you anyway. For example after we broke up we had about three short conversations initiated by me of me asking for a second chance. Since then we haven’t spoken but it wasn’t as if he ever wanted to speak to me in the first place. Therefore will not speaking to him for 30 days even make a difference? Or is it true that it will cause him to be curious as to why I’m not begging him back. Also what do you do with social media during this time period? For example if I’m always uploading snapchat stories will that stop him from missing me as he doesn’t need to wonder about my life as it is all broadcasted on there. Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amelia,

      we can’t guarantee that nc will work but what you do in it matters most and the change you make must be genuine too.. when he sees your changes in social media but you don’t care about him, it can increase the chances of him missing you

  6. Anna - 0

    Anna

    My ex and I are on-off again… because He’s a CHEATER. Sigh. Don’t know why I can’t shake him… literally. Either way… He keeps cheating with the same girl. I’ll do NC and he’ll come back begging me that things will be different. He cheats again… same stupid chick. I get it… this is my fault for taking him back. I COMPLETELY understand this. So, I kicked him out last week. Yes, I said hateful things and then finally I said … you know what, you two have a GREAT life together.

    3 years into this. I love him. I do. I hate him. I have NEVER done this with any other guy. I have ALWAYS been able to be like F you… leave me alone and move on. I’m just stuck… WTF. Is a 60 day NC too long? 90? in my heart, I want everything to work between us, in my brain… I am thinking that 30 days, I’ll still be too emotional if and when he comes back. I don’t know IF I want him back and I want to be in control haha, but I also want to not make the stupid mistake again the 4th time. Also… WHY the same girl?? If he likes sally homewrecker so much… why doesn’t he just go date her?

    Yes I am working on me. I am starting NC today because he still hasn’t taken all of his stuff yet.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Anna,

      take all the time you want but bottomline is, don’t take him back until he proves he’s cut all contact with her and not going back with her

  7. Mandy - 0

    Mandy

    A bit of advice needed! Today is day 30 of NC. My ex contacted me on day 9, which I ignored. I got a pretty big job offer last week and had a post about it in fb which my ex would have seen. He messaged me yesterday (day 29) to say congratulations with a really sweet and seemingly well thought out message. I thought it would seem weird (and rude) if I ignored that message and then sent my planned message for ending NC the very next day. I waited about 8 hours then I politely thanked him, and then sent my planned txt to end NC later that night. We exchanged a few messages, but he was out drinking so it wasn’t an ideal time for us to talk for the first time in a month! When I wouldn’t reply he’d send another message though, but he was drunk and I don’t think he wold have done that sober. He then called me on his walk home and was saying everything I’d been hoping for, that he’ll always love me and he misses me so much and he misses what we had. I laughed all this off and told him he was sweet, but I didn’t reciprocate. He said he’s glad I’m so happy. He was drunk and asked me to come over, which I of course declined and I ended the convo and told him to go to sleep. I should feel great right?? But I don’t, it all went too quickly for the first day after NC and I don’t know what to do from here? I think I should have ignored his message yesterday and extended the NC period for a week so that he experienced me igoring him more. My instincts say leave it a few days/a week now and then send another message, about a good memory we have together? I’m just not sure where to go from here?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mandy,

      that’s right..better message after 3-4 days after that

  8. Neil - 0

    Neil

    Hi there,

    my lady broke uo with me after 6 months, after finishing my final thesis for Uni I needed some time to myself and rearrange my mind,clarifying thoughts concerning my future…..it was just a phase of 2-3 weeks where I didn´t see or talk to her that much.She suddenly acted strange and then 3 weeks ago, just texted me that her feelings had decreased and she wanted to stay out of touch…after a while she finally let me know WHY…after my final thesis she said she barely saw me either….she misinterpreted this as me not caring and missing her…she told me she owed me an eye to eye conversation but didn´t want to see me for the moment…I drove up to her place last week without telling her,bunch of roses and little meaningful gifts/reminders…she was very cold first but then could´t look into my eyes and said “I never knew you felt this way for me”….I told her I needed her more than she could ever know…however she said “I don’t know what to do…..” She took a weekend trip with her friend to get away last weekend….I wished her a nice trip and she only responded “Thanks,N”….after her 3 day trip I asked again whether she had a nice trip…again she said “thanks.It was beautiful…” no question how I was after I had cried in front of her and confessed how much I loved her….I asked her best friend´s husband for some help the other day via fb and he kindly replied that he doesn´t really know about the situation but knows from his wife (her best friend) that she was done…I don’t understand this,when she told me she doesn´t know….I sent her a bunch of messages that she could have been honest….and just tell me…just like she could have told me how she felt bc of not seeing me often enough ….that if she had said one word it would never have happened….in order to let her breath and me not texting her I deleted her number yesterday….I really love this woman…she told me she fell in love with me as well but when I was in that phase where I needed my space her feelings decreased….however,most importantly, on that night where I showed up at her place last week, she got to know how much I love her and she might still be confused…so from today on I want to try if the NC rule will work…sorry for my wrecked writing …I´m still confused

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Neil

      maybe she’s confused so use this time to influence her thinking by showing that you’re improving yourself.. you already made an effort so, this time focus on yourself

  9. Kari - 0

    Kari

    Hi there,

    You are right. The NC rule is harder than it looks to keep up. I was 3 days in and my ex contacted me, asking me how I was doing and if my leg had fully healed (I was having some joint issues at the time). I was silently relieved and I replied sweetly but without any obvious excitement from my end. He then proceeded to tell me I’ve been looking good (he must have seen a recent picture of mine on my whatsapp display or on my instagram page). I thanked him and ended the conversation first. I re-started the NC period. You see, for me, I find it easier when nobody is messaging each other. Once I’ve gotten on the NC train, I stay on it….but if he reaches out, and that too, very kindly, I begin to rethink my decision of avoiding him the full 30 days. Anyways, I had re-started NC after the first slip. 7 days went by. At this point, I’m thinking, good, looks like I’ll get through it since I don’t have any message from him to get tempted off of. But sure enough, he messages me seven days in, again with a very sweet message, telling me that I have been on his mind and he wanted to know if I have been doing well and if my family is also doing well. I read this message. At this point, I was at a crossroads with the NC rule. I was afraid if I don’t reply, eventually he will stop trying and we will both just carry on with the situation as is. And the other part of me was fearing that if I engage in an enthusiastic conversation so soon (which believe me, I was dying to do), that he will get the vibe that there is no need to get back together, since we seem to be doing so great post-breakup as a non-couple. So I chose the happy medium between these options , and again replied to his messages in the same fashion as the first time (sweet but short messages) and ended the conversation first again. Now, everyone is human…and can pick up on vibes. He left me after I asked us to give us a real shot. I cannot tell if he is messaging me just to be friendly or if messaging me because is missing me as his girlfriend. Either way, I am conflicted with how deeply to respond (or to even respond at all). I also worry that eventually he will stop altogether if he continues to get the vibe that I am being civil with him simply for the sake of being civil.

    Any advice?

    All of it becomes very tough to decipher at times.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi kari,

      stay strong in nc kari.. because if you contnue texting every now and then , he will just probably slowly drift away

  10. Cathy - 0

    Cathy

    I was in a relationship for 1 year and he ended it up before our anniversary with the reason he is not happy anymore. I didnt let him explain I just blocked him completely and we are in NC for almost a week now. Last night, he posted a picture of him and a girl publicly in facebook captioned “my special friend” then delete it in the morning. I totally blocked him out anywhere he can contact me. Do you think he did that intentionally to get my attention to talk to him or he is really having a rebound relationship?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cathy,

      it looks like he just did that to make you jealous.

  11. Jeannie - 0

    Jeannie

    I guess this comment is more to just have someone hear me out or vent. I broke up with my ex about a month and a half ago. It was a complete surprise. The last two weeks of our relationship he started being distant so I confronted him via text. HUGE mistake i know!! But anyways, i have never really been upset with him before so i didnt know how to best handle it. We were pretty good about understanding each other so this you could say was our first argument ever, we had always managed to talk it out. We had been together for a year. Because i have been hurt you can say i am very blunt when it comes to feeling like im being played so I told him he needed to figure out how he felt and if he really wanted this relationship. He ignored my text message. I was very upset because we had always been able to talk and now that there was a real problem he was ignoring me. After a couple of days he said he was burnt out and no longer wanted to stay in the relationshil. He told me he needed time because he hopes his feelings changed and we could get back together. We decided to try to stay friends because we were both reasonable people, but whenever i reached out ti see how he was doing i would get ignired after a reply or two. I would leave him alone and txt a couple of days later to see what he was doing and again the same thing. Now i was trying to not be a pain, but at the same time if we agreed to try to be friends it should be an effort on both people. After a couple of days of not talking he finally reached out to me first and i didnt know what to say so i didnt reply for two days. When i did he ignored me again and that when i blew up everything i was holding back and told him i didnt want to be friends anymore. He replied the next day saying something to do with me taking two days to replay and what not, and that he was happy to wait for me, but he was wrong if he didnt reply imediately. He later when in to say that he understood how things come across to me so he also wished me the best. I have not answered him since, its been a week. I deleted him from all my social media pages today and basically took out any way of contact between us. I was starting to be that emotional ticking bomb so i felt i needed to do this before i ruined things further. I absolutely do love him and would love to get back together, however, my biggest concern is that i want my friend back. I know we both need to learn things from our relationship and why it did not work, but i was starting to be that emotional girl so i decided it would be best to just cut him out all together before things got worse. Have i ruined all my chances of getting that relationship back on track or do i just accept my loses and move on completely?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Jeannie,
      nope, right now you need to regain balance.. so focus on that.. do 30 day of no contact and just focus in getting your life back together before worrying about anyone else.

  12. Gemma M. - 0

    Gemma M.

    Hi,

    My ex is moving out. We’ve been been together for 5 years, living together for 4. We’re both in our 30s. The reason is that he says he needs to find fulfillment and identity as a man as I have been the breadwinner/financial support throughout our relationship. He wants to try to be sinI’ve also gotten very clingy, possessive and jealous over the years and it took a toll on us. He wants to have 2 weeks of limited contact so he can think about the relationship and decide if he wants to continue with it, despite living apart. He also says that we shouldn’t see other people during the 2 weeks. I want him back so… Do you think I should tell him no contact for 30 days instead and that we’re allowed to see other people? Also, should I block him from social media during the 30 days so he can’t see my Profiles? Thanks in advance for your solid advice! 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gemma m,

      don’t tell him about nc.. you can tell him it’s not workable for you to stay in touch but don’t tell for how long.. and that you’ll reach out when you’re ready. you don’t have to date for now

  13. Ryan - 0

    Ryan

    Me and my girlfriend of nearly 2 years broke up the other week and since then i havnt been able to stop messaging her and asking for a second chance. I admit that on 3 occasions when i get to a point where i cant hold it in i have hit her which i truly regret and i have told her that. I have even tld her that im going to go to the doctors and get help for it which i think makes me look more of a man to her and maybe gets me some respect back. We still see each other though nearly every day because we do kickboxing together and when we are together we get on soo well, she gets on with me better than anyone else there. Recently though she has deleted all of our photos off instagram apart from one where its me with her and her mum when we went to america. She hasnt removed her relationship status of facebook but has told me shes wants us to be friends. I do believe that she needs space and i agree that im not giving her that with me always messaging her all the time. With doing kickboxing together we spend a lot of time with each other and we both have the same goals to be the best we can be. Should i start no contact, will it work?

    Reply
    • Ryan - 0

      Ryan

      And the reason i hit her was because i really hate being tickled or being confined in tight spaces and wen she does that my body goes into like shock and its like a natural responce to being in that situation

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Ryan

      so all three occasions were because you’re being tickled? not because you were angry? though we can’t guarantee that nc will work, it’s still a better choice than continuing to try to talk to her

  14. Rose - 0

    Rose

    This guy I was seeing isn’t ready to commit . Idk why but he just isn’t. We fell into a fwb situation and it sucks, I know but what to do? He has become very distant. I’ve started the no contact. I am at the beginning. Am I doing the right thing?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rose

      yes you are.. be active in improving yourself..don’t just stop talking to him

  15. ariana - 0

    ariana

    Hi, me and my ex are under the age of 17, but quite nearly and we had been together for 9 months. I’m quite a shy person and so is he but I’ve helped him to overcome that, i realised after i wasn’t showing as much love as i could for him, i came off as ignorant sometimes as he said and rude and that hurts him but thats only because i was trying to be mature around him and was totally in love which i explained, and i didn’t actually think that was any problem since we’re two very nice and humble people. So there was one week where i couldn’t talk to him much because there was a family wedding, he felt kind of lost during this week and i could only talk when i had time. One day in that week he had told me that he didn’t think we’d work out (june 2nd), and broke up with me and i couldn’t understand why because we had a very healthy relationship, (maybe less during that week though.) I kept questioning why and it was a very emotional breakup but im an understanding person and it didn’t end badly, and he confessed that he did feel lonely and it was also because he felt like i didnt care and was two different people, a lovey dovey side online and a moody person in real life and he didnt know what to believe and who i really was and i had said that soon he will see who i really am then, since i never thought it was such a major issue before. But the main reason he had ttold me was that he now made a decision to live life on his own, that still wanted to be with me maybe in the future too but now nothing. We had tried to stop speaking but a month went by and we had work experience together, we had planned to stop speaking after that. During work experience it went oppositely, we got even closer than we ever were when we were together and i had fully opened up to him and we were really happy and did get intimate, he once questioned what we really are (friends or what?) because we were so close. After that week, work exp was over and i feared we’d stop speaking like we said and thats exactly what happened, i still have a lot of hope and now hes really busy and its summer holidays so we will not see eachother but we do talk a little, even though he said he didnt want to but he still is and so am i, but im talking more lovey dovey and he’s now in total friend mode, and I think i miss him more than he misses me. And i asked him before about what he wants and he said..now nothing and he doesn’t mind what happens in the future whether we are getting together/married although he does hope so. So im trying something new, ive texted him talking about our past and thanking him and bringing up memories of the past, (so he gets happy and misses it) and hoping we’d be something in future if god wills and if were meant to be..then saying but its not like that anymore and he has chosen a new path, so it gets him excited thinking about the memories and then sad at the end and hopefully he misses me more? im going to start messaging him less probably just a goodnight message as we do or something to get him to be more crazy about me but what do you think, would we get back together in the future? by that i mean, at minimum a year because by then we’ll fully finish high school and then could be more free but i just dont know what to do, should i fully stop messaging (even though that was his idea at first but now hes talking to me a little), or message little enough for him to miss me? i talked about it with his sister and she said to act just like friends, not lovey dovey or he wont appreciate as much, he need to spend time apart if he needs to and i should let him and talk normally so he’ll see the difference and miss the old ‘us’ back and have more hope for the future; thanks for all the help xx

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi A,

      don’t think too much… tell him you’re not ready to be friends yet and then start no contact…so that he will miss you..but be focusef in having your own life, in improving yourself and going out with friends.. so that he will see that you have your own thing, and whatever plan he has, you’re not a hindrance to it

  16. MV - 0

    MV

    Hello
    I started NC two months after the break up (having been a gnat for a while). After two weeks of NC, my ex started texting and calling me. He wanted to hang out as friends. He needed advice about something I knew. Then, I texted him a question about something neutral, and he called me back to talk about it. The first two times he called I picked up because I thought he needed to get his stuff. Then I thought something had happened because it was late at night. Every time, I tried to restart the NC, but now I am not sure–we’ve been talking normally so I feel that suddenly disappearing would be weird.

    He has a new girlfriend, he left me for her. He does not keep in touch with any of his other exes because they hate him. So I don’t know if he wants to be friends with me to prove that he can get along with an ex, because he feels guilty about leaving me, or for another reason. Our breakup had a lot to do with the stressful things going on in both our lives, made worse by some serious misunderstanding. One of the times we talked, he kinda made it sound like he was not over me and that he wasn’t completely happy with her. But he was drunk when he said that so I don’t know if he meant it. Now I don’t know what to do. I’d like to have him back, but he’d have to leave the other girl first. Should I try NC again or just try to be his friend while he’s with someone else?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Mv,

      you need him to see you as the better option and as an ungettable girl..meaning you can’t be too available.. I think you should restart nc.. you can tell him you need more time for yourself and that you’ll reach out again once you’re ready and then even after nc, continue the activities you started in it.. while slowly building rapport with him

    • MV - 0

      MV

      Thank you, Amor. I’ve blocked his number for calls and texting for now, to avoid the temptation to answer. Part of me is worried that I’ll miss him reaching out to me. But you are right, I can’t be available at all times if I want him to take me seriously. I just wish this wasn’t so hard.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re welcome! it is hard.. but not impossible

  17. Chris Seiter - 0

    EBR Team Member: Amor

    well, that’s good.. what did he text? if it’s not about working things out and getting back together, stay in nc.. prepare yourself coz he might even get angry to get you to text but you have to keep inind that he has to realize that you’re not a doormat waiting to just accept everything he wants to do with you when he wants it.. he has to learn that you’re done being treated the way he treated you

    Reply
  18. Gin - 0

    Gin

    Hi,

    I broke up with my girlfriend 1 month ago.
    We both 29 years old. She has problems with commitment and she only dated 1 guy in the past 5 years which only lasted for 3 dates.
    Before we date she was my best friend for 2 years (we knew each other since childhood and now we work together)
    So we dated for 2 months which was a blast till suddenly she felt that things moving fast and that she can’t be available for me all the time ( I was texting her too much ).
    The problem is after she broke up with me (she cried) I kept contacting her as a “friend” and talk to her at work so I didn’t want to lose her and I didn’t want her to feel that she hurt me.
    Suddenly she got angry from no where shouting that I crossed the line of work and I should not contact her ever again “work or non work related topics, I need my space”

    So now my heart broke twice for losing both my girlfriend and best friend.
    I don’t want to lose both.

    So I started the No Contact rule 1 week ago.
    I still see her once or twice per week but I didn’t talk to her and she intentionally avoids me.
    After 2 weeks each of us will work in another place so we wont see each anymore and that really scares me.

    So do you feel that the no contact rule may work ? I am sure she wont contact me because she has huge ego but I plan to text her after at least 30 days of no contact some nice messages to catch up.

    Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gin,

      we can’t guarantee that it will work but it looks like it’s your best move for now…and focus in yourslef now.. improve and find new friends..once she sees you’re not chasing anymore and have your own life, she might be more secured to talk to you again

  19. Salina - 0

    Salina

    My Husband kicked me out of the house, He thinks I lied to him about money and financial issues, And that;s what started our fight on July 15, He then asked me to move out and called the cops because our fight got nasty, The police made me leave the house he owns which I gave up everything to be with him and move a hour away from my family to be with him, This is not the first time he has kicked me outr of the house when we fight, The first time was in September 2015, I was gone for week , he called me and said he missed me , I went back, Now when I left this time, I changed my number Changed my bank account and other activity was ceased. I have not called him or tried to contact him for anything, I am considering a divorce, but I confused??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi salina,

      do no contact for 45 days so you can reflecr..don’t make decisions now that you’re stikk emotional

  20. Cara - 0

    Cara

    Hi,
    I used one of Chris sample texts after 3 months of NC to break the NC ( I know I did it too long) and after AMor recommended I needed to break the NC. This was last week (last Tuesday) and I got great results. We had a short friendly text convo that resulted in him asking me out for next week. Well, this is Next week and it was left at him saying, “Okay, let’s try next week?” Which I took to mean during the week sometime since he normally works on the weekends. However, I have not heard from him at all yet to try to pinpoint a actual day/time. What do I do? Just wait it out and see if he texts today? This has happened before in the past 6 months ago, where he initiated the text, asked me out and then never followed through I suspect to keep me on a string. My concern is that he is going to think I am a pushover by not saying anything YET I have read that it’s better to not say anything at all and act like it doesn’t bother you because the guy is trying to get an emotional reaction out of you. Please advise as to what I should do at this point. Do I start another NC period if I don’t hear from him about a date this week? Help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cara,

      yep, that’s right..don’t ask about the date.. try to be active in social media again.. so, that means you have to either go out or post about othet things you’ve been doing..so that when he sees it, he’s reminded in an indirect way to message you ..

      and you didn’t ask for him if he can go out and meet anytime soon right? He’s the only one who initiated it? He will probably not follow thru, so be go out on that day or be busy going out this week on your own or with friends..

    • Cara - 0

      Cara

      Thanks Amor….yes HE asked to go out and I initiated nothing. However, this has happened I want to say 3 or 4 times where he has asked me out and not followed through. Since I know whenever I say “yes’ It boosts his ego and it’s his way of keeping me “on the hook,” DO you have any recommendations as to what I should say the next time he askes me out ?? Should I say “no?” There was one instance where I did call him out on it…and he stopped asking me, then I figured out he was using a mutual friend to find out if I was seeing anybody. So, I think when he asks me out, it’s also his way of finding out if I have a boyfriend or if i’m dating anyone exclusively. So calling him out doesn’t seem to be effective enough…and saying yes to a date doesn’t seem to work either. I thought about saying a white lie that I was seeing someone the next time he asks me. I am frustrated, it s like I can’t win with this guy and continually saying yes to him clearly doesn’t make me a challenge enough for him. Any other ideas?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      try to decline and then suggest a different day and time.. that it way, he confirms to your schedule.

  21. Angela - 0

    Angela

    Thanks for your response. I know that you’re right. I have spent the last few weekends with my family (which I missed very much since the last year and a half has been all about him) They all say the same thing (since I didn’t really tell them about the abusive part until now) He had my mind twisted into thinking I was the one with the problem. I even went to a therapist and am on meds for anxiety and depression because he was adamant that I was bipolar. Now, stepping back, I see that he was turning me into a puppet that he manipulated into whatever he wanted me to do. This was not love. I need to move forward. I have him blocked on cell phone, house phone, email, Facebook, and am taking one day at a time to get myself healthy again. Thanks again

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re welcome! Don’t rush it.. acknowledge what you feel but don’t linger in it

  22. CR - 0

    CR

    My ex and I broke up almost two months ago; we were together for 1 year and 2 months and were serious. We talked on and off for 6 weeks after the breakup. Sometimes we would talk and it would be nice, other times we would argue and I would beg for him to come back and then be angry with him when he said he didn’t want to. I have since realized that this was not a healthy way to respond and have apologized to him for my behavior, along with no longer acting that way. His reasons for not getting back together are that he needs time and space to figure out what he really wants and to get back in touch with himself. My ex and I are on good terms and remain friends; we are each other’s best friend. We both love each other, but he is no longer in love with me, while I am still in love with him. I am on day 9 on NC and have only heard from him once, he asked how I was doing and I didn’t respond. His birthday is on day 29 on NC. My question is if I don’t hear from him again before his birthday can I still send him a birthday card or should I continue NC?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cr,

      nope..you should just continue being active in improving yourself

  23. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    So update, 7 days no contact (yesterday) and he texted me “hey, just been thinking about you. Hope all is well.” I’m scared if I don’t respond he is gonna think I don’t want to fix the relationship. Which I do. I didn’t expect him to text at all and planned on having to be the one to reestablish contact.

    Reply
  24. J - 0

    J

    I broke it off with my boyfriend of 1.8 years, yesterday. Since the beginning, I have accepted some life situations that were challenging- caring for ill ex-girlfriend with cancer, female friends, etc. But our relationship was great, we had good times together, he even said yesterday that I was the best girlfriend ever, we really were compatible on many levels. The problem is that my feelings were well beyond his. We had a talk and he said all of the great things about US, great things about me, but he doesn’t feel “that thing” if he did he would be making serious plans, but it’s not there even though he cares about me. We were together constantly, I was at his house everyday and met all of his family. Because I was unsure of his love for me I was insecure and he knew it. Yesterday he said it was unfair because he couldn’t give me what I need. I gave him his key back and took my belongings and left on a good but sad note. Even though I initiated it, I asked if we could just try, but by then it was done. He said we had turned the corner. He said we should take a couple of days and then talk about it. As I left I told him that I don’t want the breakup and the decision is on him. I am going NC. How should I handle this?

    Reply
    • J - 0

      J

      I didn’t tell him that I’m going NC.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi J,

      basically it looks he’s just extending the suffering but in the end he will still beeak up with you..sorry of I’m negative but that’s what it really looks like.. start the no contact after that meet but for now don’t contact him too.. use this time to start or practice being in no contact.. meet a friend, read a book, research classes you can join, or join groups of similar interests that meet up every now and then..

      during the talk, if he does break up with you, agree and be calm and then tell him you understand and that you’re going to take time off for yourself and then do no contact

    • J - 0

      J

      So you believe this is a permanent breakup with no hope of revival?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think he will realy break up with you but that doesn’t mean there’s no chance of getting him back later on..that’s why you need to do no contact

    • MV - 0

      MV

      I don’t know if I should say anything, but I think he could be reacting to feeling a bit “pushed.” It seems guys often get scared when a girl shows that she truly loves them, cause they worry they can’t match that feeling or that they don’t deserve it. NC will give him time to figure out if he’s really happier alone or if he actually misses you. There’s no guarantee he’ll want to get back together. But if he does, taking care of yourself now, during NC, can help you have a better relationship in the future. Good luck!

  25. Mya - 0

    Mya

    I’m on my third week of NC. I have been actively improving myself and I love it. I still do want my ex back. What I’ve been thinking about is the idea of a set certain amount of days I’m supposed to ignore him for. I mean every relationship is different. How can 30 days make it that much better for us having a chance to be together again? Why not 28 days? Why not 23 days? What’s exactly the difference? I believe in whatever happens, will happen.

    I mean if I were to break NC earlier than 30 days, let’s say 25 days? Does that mean I have a lesser chance now to reconciliation? Please correct me, but let’s say I did end NC after 25 days and I followed all the rules for building repor. I text him the way I should, lead up to the phone calls and have the 3 dates…shouldn’t that end in the same fashion if I were to do a strict 30 days? Going back to the idea, “if it will happen, it will happen.”

    Another thing, I do understand if I were to reach out to him and he’s not responsive then yes I’ll have to wait a few days. I just feel like that could happen at day 31 too, day 45. I’m just having a hard time seeing that 30 days is the magic number where my chances will be better than let’s say 25

    Reply
    • Mya - 0

      Mya

      Not trying to rush the process. Just trying to see what’s wrong with a different amount of days than 30. And our relationship ended mutually. I have been VERY active in my life. Exercising, going out with friends, new job. The whole nine.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mya,

      It’s not a hard rule.. some even do 35 days.. it depends on every situation but comparing 21 days to 30 is 9 days apart.. more than a week.. you can build more… you can do a lot in 5 days too but if you feel very confident during day 25, that’s ok

  26. Help - 0

    Help

    Will the NC rule help with an ex that wants to stay friends and really want to get back together in the future. We broke up on a mutual agreement.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      in your case, he will simply friendzone you if you keep talking to him now because he’s still going to the army.. don’t rush things.. if you do a month of nc, you’ll habe 4 months to rebuild rapport and increase attraction but that doesn’t mean he will get back to you surely after 4 months because the real issue is the distance when he’s in the army.. you’re just going to use this time to make him miss you when he’s gone..

      if you keep being friends now, and you didn’t improve, he will still see the old you and the old problems that he sees that will probably happen while he’s in the army..

      I understand that you want to keep him in your hands right now in the hope to maybe build more rapport now but if you’re not changing and if he’s not seeing you as somebody that can leave if not taken care of, then he will keep playing safe..

      to ease your worries, tell him you need time alone for yourself now to heal… and then when you’re ready to be friends again, you’ll reach out to him..

      don’t tell him that you’re going to do a month of nc.. and then be very active in starting a new routine during nc to improve yourself, be active in social media too and then continue those activities even after nc

  27. Sara - 0

    Sara

    Hi! My boyfriend of 2 years just broke up with me. We were completely happy. We very rarely fought. We were planning a future together. Our relationship really was good, we were best friends and did everything together. We met and started dating and 4 month in I moved out of state. We maintained a long distance for about a year, and then he decided to move to be with me. We were so happy. But he ended up having a hard time finding a job. Due to this he fell behind on his bills and wasn’t able to care for his son from another relationship. We decided that we were going to move back home because that was the best solution for our future together. He went at the end of May and the plan was I would move by September. I planned a vacation to go up and see him. Well on July 3, after having normal conversations and no sign of difficulties, he went dark for a week. No calls, texts just a random email. He finally did reach out, via email, stating he would not be able to be with me for the vacation I had planned due to his son visiting and that he needed to fix his life so it was over between us. I went a little crazy and called texted and emailed like crazy…..who breaks up over email after over 2 years in a relationship? He said he loves me and I am amazing but he has to fix the mess that moving made his life. I get that. But why would he shut me out. I told him I just wanted to support him and be there for him. SO I started the NC rule today. But I’m wondering if you can shed any insight into this. We did not have a fight. No difficulties. We had a great relationship and I am having a really hard time with this.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sara,

      It looks like he wasn’t really happy when he moved closer to you and maybe he associated that with you and now he just wants a restart with his life

  28. Linda - 0

    Linda

    I proke up with my boyfriend we have been realtionship for six years and he doesn’t talk recently our future when I asked him he set a date but he forget he always think his family so I took no contact rule we didn’t talk 33 days and I really miss him did you think that he going to miss me and he going to ask me married
    Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi linda,

      it depends on what you do during no contact.. in how much you have improved.. how old are you and him? and why did you break up with him?

  29. Mia - 0

    Mia

    Hi Amor,

    It’s me again. I had written before asking what should I do about my bf pushing me away since he wanted to stand up on his feet. You had asked me to let him be if I wanted a chance with him.
    I was wondering does that mean the no contact won’t work for us?! Should I leave him be indefinitely?!
    Also today I accidentally called via whatsapp. I actually wanted to view his display picture but I hit the call button and I swear it was totally by mistake. I cut the call immediately but I guess it went through as he msgd asking me almost immediately whether I called him and that it the call doesn’t connect so it’s no use calling via whatsapp. I didn’t reply to him as of yet. Should I explain to him it was a mistake?! Or should I just let it go and wait for the NCP to get done?!

    Thanks a to.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Mia,

      sorry it wasn’t a clear instruction.. I meant let him be and do active no contact..focus in improving yourself while giving him space..if you haven’t started building new routine, you can restart the count for no contact

    • Mia - 0

      Mia

      I am two weeks in with NC. Haven’t spoken to him at all. Just the mishap that happened today with the call. I didn’t respond to his msg as well. I will continue the NC. Will see how it goes.

      Thank you so much for the guidance. It means a lot!

    • Mia - 0

      Mia

      Hi Amor,

      Firstly, I want to sincerely apologize for being a pest that I am currently being. But I really do need some insight.

      I told you I was 2 weeks in doing the no contact. But I really messed up yesterday I think. The thing is my bf is actually not in the same place as I am in. He left the country last year as he had some visa issues and told me he would work on coming back. Hence we were in long distance for about 7 months out of the 7 years. But I told you what had happened, he being unemployed and everything. Before we stopped talking, he had informed me that he would be back in July. I recently came to know via his sister that they were back in town but he delayed his return. He got his visa but planned on not coming back. This really got to me and I texted him asking what his plans were and why he wasn’t returning. We had planned to discuss our situation when he would return. So naturally I was really upset.
      When I texted him he first ignored my texts. I asked him to at least tell me whether or not he was coming back. Because I thought if he wasn’t then it was no point of us being together. He didn’t reply so I texted him again when I saw him online on whatsapp. He replied saying what did I want and what did I want him to say. He told me he already told me to move on. He wasn’t coming anytime soon as he had some business to take care of. He was really mean to me so I asked him to speak to me nicely rather than being rude. But he continued to talk rudely and I got really upset and angry. I told him he didn’t have shame and he said he didn’t. It made me so upset that I told him I was done with him and it wasn’t worth talking to him anymore. I told him I was done and blocked him from whatsapp as well as snapchat (the only two social media he uses). I really regret my actions because I really want him back. But the way he spoke to me hurt me. And it felt like the right thing to do. I thought of restarting the NCP. I am really worried that this will backfire. Will it be worth it to unblock him after the NCP and try speaking to him again?!

      Thank you so much for your patience with me.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s ok to comment as many as you like.. we understand.. don’t demand.. coz in his mind, you’re just chasing him and it’s annoying him.. yes, restart nc and this time.. finish it and really establish that you have your own life..when you do, it’s ok to.unblock him

  30. sam - 0

    sam

    Hi! I wanted to say that I GOT MY EX BOYFRIEND BACK. Yes and I’m so happy I read every single article in this website since we brokeup desperate to get my ex boyfriend back haha. I actually didnt even by the ebook not because i dont want to its because its not available in my country I know it sucks but I want to tell you that this website help me a lot in not being emotional and learn many things at same time i wanna say that the NO CONTACT RULE works I SWEAR TO GOD it works I started NC July 1. I actually went to my boyfriend begged and pleaded to him to comeback june 30 and obviously he pushed me away and said he doesnt have feelings for me anymore later that day i found this website and i came across the NC rule I initiate in July 1 and just yesterday july 14 my boyfriend texted me and begging me to come back he even texted my friends and begged them to talk to me. he even called me 15 times obviously i did not answer. IN JUST TWO WEEKS I GOT HIM BACK later that night he sent me very long text message saying that being away from me hurts and he misses me, HE WANTS ME BACK, he misses everything and he said that being away for me made him realize my value and worth. we are so happy we’re back together now and we’re gonna see each other next week So for those who is currently in NC dont lose hope continue it let your ex boyfriends realize what they’re missing out on. dont ever chase them especially if they are the ones who broke up with you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Congrats Sam! 🙂 Thank you for encouraging others!

  31. Gwen - 0

    Gwen

    Hello,

    I’ve been doing the NC but I followed the advices of another website where it tells that if your ex contacts and you don’t want to be rude, you can answer during NC but being distant and not amicable, not talking about personal things, and keeping the conversations very short. So I’ve been doing it. I’ve been following the advices of this website too, and as here NC rule is explained as a more serious thing, yesterday, when my ex texted me I didn’t answer at all. However, now I don’t think I did right, because as I’ve been answering, (avoiding him yes, but not ignoring him completely), I don’t know if the next time I write he’s going to be nice with me (my ex is very stubborn and mean sometimes). Also, I don’t know if I should just write normally, with the text I’ve been planing to use after the NC period. I don’t know if that’s a good idea, or if it’s better answering him today saying I was busy yesterday, but then, as I’ve been doing lately, end the conversation very quickly. Anyway, I was planing to end the NC period today or next monday, but as he wrote I decided next monday. Now I’m not sure of anything. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gwen,

      I think that’s because you’re following two rules, so it got confusing..
      I have a lot of questions..
      how long was your relationship? why did you breakup? why did you decide to do nc, how long was your nc and what did you do during it?

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Well… I decided to end NC yesterday, and he answered and was very nice with me. I wanted to end the conversation first, but he did. Then he wrote again saying he was busy and couldn’t talk but then he could and we kept talking, so finally I ended the conversation, although it was a conversation in two parts, not as I had planned, because I had planned a short one.

      Answering those questions:
      It’s difficult to say because we weren’t in a formal relationship all the time, but being serious… about 5 months, and perhaps it was very fast, we talked a lot about our future even about living together.
      He broke up with me because I noticed he was a bit changed and I started being paranoic and jealous all the time. It was an “it’s not you, it’s me” because he told me he wanted to be alone, he was very busy with his life and things had changed in the relationship.
      I decided to do NC because we agreed to be friends, but then two weeks later I couldn’t help it and we argued through text. Then he didn’t write in two weeks, neither did I, and while I was waiting for him to text me those two weeks I decided to look for advice online, because I was very deppressed with the situation, I found about NC, and I decided to try it because honestly I’d really like being with him again.
      My NC was interrupted as I said in the other comment, 15 days without talking at all, but then he wrote and I answered very coldly and ended the conversation with just two texts. Then I have been another 14 days more or less in NC, because I haven’t texted but he has texted me three more times, and all those times I answered the same way, saying I was busy, and ending it with just one or two texts. So, I suppose more or less a month, but not strictly because of that.
      I’m going to try to follow a plan as this website teaches now that I’ve decided to end NC, I’m just afraid I haven’t done it correctly, I have many doubts.

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Also, I don’t know if this is relevant or if it’s just me overanalyzing things, but these past two weeks he has been trying to write me with me avoiding him that way, he has changed his whatsapp pic many times, and when we were together he was with the same one for over 8 months. First when we argued he wrote “free” in his status, then two weeks later when he wrote me, he changed it just after writing me and wrote “…” Then when we were together I sent him a quote that says something about thinking and dreaming about the other one all the time. But I didn’t want to be paranoic so I decided to think he just liked that quote, but then, the next time he wrote me, he changed his profile pic again and put another quote I also sent him when we were together 🙁 That one says “I love you more than any fight we will ever have… I love you more than the distance between us… I love you the most” and we were in a distance relationship, although we saw each other in person, he just lives in another city, but the same country, and as that quote represented what I felt I sent it to him, now he has it as his profile picture. I was tempted to ask him why did he put it… But I didn’t want to start an argument again and I’m very confused so I didn’t ask him anything.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hmm.. truth is, NC’s effect is less when done more and more over time.. because of course the guy picks up your pattern.. But I think you should still give it a shot at full nc of 30 days.. but you have to make it worth it by really improving yourself, going out and doing new things, meeting new people and going out with them.. basically having your own life.. to increase your chances of him seeing you in a new light and missing you

    • Gwen - 0

      Gwen

      Hi Amor,

      I wrote him to clear things before starting NC again, and this time I’m going to follow it strictly. He told me he has been thinking about everything but he has many problems and didn’t tell me anything yet so he didn’t mess things up. He told me I’m one of the most important things he has to think in his life. But well, as he wasn’t sure of anything, I just told him I need time, he agreed, and told me to write when I want, that he understands I need time. So just that, I’ll do it one month and while that I’ll think about everything more clearly, and I will improve myself as you say.
      Thank you so much for the advice Amor, I will do full NC this time.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome and enjoy this time.. you onky have a month to not worry about anyone else

  32. Angela - 0

    Angela

    Just broke up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. We met online and the first six weeks were unreal. We are both in our 40s (I’m a divorcee of 20 years) He has been married twice and divorced twice and had a long term girlfriend he broke up with when he met me (and then cheated on me with when my father passed away) I was devastated and heart broken. My knight and shining armor turned into a creep. He works out of state, but is home on weekends. After a month, he asked me to come visit him and we got back together. He said he never loved any woman like he loved me. In the year to follow, we had some pretty bad fights. He physically abused me twice (saying both times were my fault) and once he was jailed for domestic battery while we were on vacation. I dropped the charges and I felt as if the event really brought us closer together (oddly as it sounds) We were great for awhile. Of course, he promised to get counseling (and never went) but I did and made attempts to be the perfect girlfriend he always would want. We talked on the phone several times a day and spent every weekend together…although there were a few arguments, nothing like the bad beginning ones. I did feel however I was walking on eggshells all the time and was insecure about why his phone was always locked up. We spent a week in Jamaica a year in and things seemed really great, but every once in awhile he turned on me. I’d do or say something wrong and he would flip out and turn away from me or deny me affection, which always made me beg for forgiveness. He eventually would give in and be okay again. We had a trip planned to Arizona two weeks ago (July 1) to visit his family and a concert planned for the Thursday before. June 6 was my b day and he spent the entire weekend catering to me. We went on bike rides and to the zoo, a baseball game and he got me a cake and lovebird charm. It was the most amazing weekend ever. Father’s day weekend however was terrible. We had an argument because he was away at work (mind you he calls me ten times a day or texts at least) and I hadn’t heard from him and he didn’t answer the phone. Then when I got a hold of him asked what the deal was he was slurring and said his phone died (which I knew it didn’t) I got mad and he blocked me from calling him. We fought all weekend and I begged him not to leave me (again) …we had the vacation coming up and the concert. Father’s Day was a HUGE SUCCESS… I busted my butt cooking catering and waiting on him and his entire family. His dad said for me to “hang in there”. My bf hugged me and said “I had redeemed myself” it was the best Father’s Day he ever had and thanked me for all my effort. Then, he kissed me goodbye for the week and told me he loved me. Monday he was distant; Tuesday, even worse; I was so angry and he screamed at me that he can’t always talk when he’s at work (but he wasn’t working…he was out to eat ..it was dinnertime and he ALWAYS CALLS AT DINNER TIME) He hung up on me angry and when I went to bed that night I called him to say good night and try to make amends (because it’s our ritual …no matter what time it is he says to call to say good night and he calls every morning at 6:25a.m. religiously) But this time he answered the phone rudely and accused me of checking up on him and hung up and no phone call the next morning….by Wednesday it was complete shut down. I went to his house and gathered all my belongings while he was at work. I left the key and took the concert tickets (which were bought for me) and sold them. He was furious when he got home. I also cancelled my flight to Arizona. I couldn’t take the back and forth any longer. He went to Arizona without me…I of course backed down and started to beg through texts again and he was foul and rude to me…even asked me to be friends with benefits ….I cried my eyes out. He went to Arizona and I went to Jamaica with my teenage sons …I texted him and called him every night I was gone ..he has me blocked. But, he recently made a facebook page..he never had facebook before ever and now he is posting pics I’ve taken of him over the last year (of course just of him) and he says they are for my enjoyment. I have blocked his number on all my phones and am blocking him on Facebook also. HELP I love him …and on my birthday weekend and the weekend after he said we’d be married and moved in together by December ….one week later I was history?!?! I am so confused and hurt….

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Angela,

      don’t go back to him.. your insecurity clouds your judgment.. and maybe it’s also somethjng like stockholm syndrome..it’s when you hold on to the little good you see in your abuser and then defend them or think you love them..

      think about how you would teach your two sons on how to properly treat a lady and what a healthy relationship would be like..

    • Angela - 0

      Angela

      Thank you …you’re right.. I feel better hearing that it wasn’t me. Have a lot of healing to do I guess.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re welcome! Don’t rush it.. acknowledge what you feel but don’t linger in it

  33. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    Do you think something longer than 30 day NC would be appropriate?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      sorry I forgot to put I think you should 45 days

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