The No Contact Rule

 Ex-Boyfriend-Recovery-PRO

The no contact rule isn’t really a complicated concept to grasp. You basically cut off all communication with your ex for a certain amount of time. Generally, the no contact rule occurs after a breakup. Yet, it’s amazing how many people have trouble doing this correctly. Thus, this page is meant to teach you how to successfully implement the no contact rule so you can put yourself in the best position to get your ex back.

(Disclaimer- I realize that this website is meant mostly for women who are trying to get their exes back. However, this particular page deals with a universal subject that can be used by both men and women. So, if you are trying to get an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back then you came to the right place.)

Let’s Cut To The Chase… Can You Get Your Ex Back With The NC Rule?

It is very possible. That is why you are here right, to get your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend) back? Here is the deal though, I realize that over time I have become the “no contact” guy since I am such an advocate for it. As a result of this stereotype there are women and even men coming to this site that are under the impression that the no contact rule is all you have to do to get an ex back. That is actually not true. Getting your ex back is a very complicated process (I am not going to lie) that has a lot of different components to it. The no contact rule is only one of those components.

Now, if what you really want is a step by step guide that will lay out “the gameplan” to getting an ex back for you then I am here to tell you that I have created such a resource. It took me two months and 20,000 words but I did it. Check it out below:

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

What Is The No Contact Rule?

As stated above, it is basically an agreement with yourself that you are going to cut your ex out of your life for a certain period of time. Let me put this in terms that you will hopefully make things clearer:

Doing The Following Things Are NOT Allowed

  • Calling your ex on your phone.
  • Texting your ex.
  • Hanging out with them.
  • Emailing them.
  • Leaving your ex notes.
  • Bumping into them on purpose.

How Long To Keep No Contact Going?

30-days

Believe it or not but a lot of experts debate on this subject. Some will swear that 60 days (or two months) of not contacting an ex is optimal. Others claim that 90 days (or three months) is the way to go. I personally don’t agree with either of those assessments but then again each broken relationship is different and will require unique individual time frames. With that being said I believe that a minimum of 30 days is the way to go. This amount of time will give you and your ex enough breathing room to calm down and look at the situation more rationally.

Situations Where It Is Impossible To Avoid Contact

no eye contact

There will be certain situations where it will be impossible to ignore your ex. Remember, your goal with a no contact period is not to become a jerk so there is no reason to use it that way. If you find yourself in these situations and ONLY IN THESE SITUATIONS you can break your no contact agreement but there is a certain way you have to act.

Situation 1- If you have kids with the person. No contact in this case can be tricky. Your goal is to remain calm, civil and pleasant during any interactions with your ex. However, keep any talking simple and short. If you immediately cave and start talking about your feelings not only will you turn the person completely off but having a “feelings” conversation in front of your kids probably isn’t the best venue. After your interaction go straight back into no contact mode. This means no calling, texting or facebooking them.

Situation 2- If you live with this person even after the breakup. No doubt it can be really tricky to “no contact” a person when they are literally living with you. While this situation may suck it certainly isn’t impossible to cut off a significant portion of your contact with them. Your goal in this case is to be a very respectful roommate. However, you also need to remember that you are creating a new life of which they are separate from (or you need to appear to be creating one.) Again, keep any conversation simple, short and pleasant.

Situation 3- This one isn’t really like the other situations. Your ex may call you or show up on your doorstep wanting to collect their belongings. If this happens don’t be a jerk and prevent them from getting their stuff. You should know the drill, keep any conversation short and simple. If they try to talk about your relationship don’t get baited into doing so.

I Broke The No Contact Rule. What Now?

rule

So, we have already established that in order to do a NC (No Contact Rule) correctly you are going to have essentially cut your ex out of your life for a minimum of 30 days. Now, a lot of you may be thinking that doing that is a piece of cake. If so, then you would be dead wrong. You’d be surprised at the amount of people who break on the first day. It can be especially hard when your heart is begging you to just pick up the phone and type a simple text message to your ex. Unfortunately, by breaking NC you are losing power and control over your relationship which at this stage is a very bad thing.

Besides, breaking the NC means you have to start over from day one. For example, lets just say that you advanced 15 days without even initiating contact with your ex (he/she may have contacted you but we will talk about that later on this page.) However, on day 16 you cave and contact them. Well, by doing this you are going to have to start your NC period over again FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. In order for this process to work you need to prove that you can go 30 full days without relying on your ex for a conversation.

A Stressful Choice

You may find that as you embark on this essential 30 day freeze out from your ex that they may try to initiate contact with you. If this happens I guarantee you that you are going to want to talk to them. Maybe they call you. Maybe they send you that simple one word text “hey.” Whatever happens DO NOT CAVE IN if this contact comes before the allotted 30 days. Even then though, you can’t begin to think about talking to your ex until you complete some of the other things outlined on this page which leads us to our next section…

What To Do During The No Contact Period

choices

You didn’t think you were just going to sit around on the couch all day catching up on re-runs of Friends during this time did you? No, I am very big into remaining active and so should you. This is a perfect time to improve yourself which is exactly what you are going to be doing during this time. You are going to become the best version of yourself mentally and physically! But first I feel compelled to mention:

Behaviors To Avoid

  •  Staying at home all day or refusing to go out.
  • Drinking too much alcohol.
  • Sleeping all day long.
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about your breakup.
  • Making major life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work.

The smartest thing that you can do during NC is to improve yourself both mentally and physically. Lets start by taking a look at how you can improve yourself physically.

Positive Physical Changes

change your appearance

Break-ups can happen for many different reasons. However, if you know for a fact that your ex became less attracted to you over the course of your relationship you can work to change that. When talking about physical changes during the NC period you should aim to become the sexiest version of yourself. For example, if you let yourself go a little bit during the relationship then it would be wise to use your time getting in better physical shape. Not only are the health benefits immense to getting in good shape but it can legitimately be a step in the right direction to getting an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back. Lets take a look at more positive physical changes you can make in your life:

  • Lose weight (if you are overweight.)
  • Quit smoking (especially if your ex significant other had a problem with this.)
  • Update your wardrobe.
  • Get a new haircut.
  • Be sure that your hygiene is taken care of.
  • Clean up your diet.
  • Treat any skin problems you may have (example: acne.)

Positive Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

Becoming the sexiest version of yourself is only half the battle when it comes to taking a positive step towards getting your ex back. In fact, you could make the argument that the mental side of things during the no contact period is even more important than the physical side. First off, let me define what I am going to include in this section. Obviously the positive mental changes is going to cover mental aspects but it will also help you understand the importance of not falling off the map socially. Lets take a look at what some of the most important mental changes you can make are:

  • Prepare yourself for the fact that there is no guarantee that you will be getting your ex back.
  • Do some brainstorming and determine what the real reason of your breakup with your ex was.
  • Keep your friends close and confide in them. They are there to listen.
  • If your friends are going out or you are invited out, GO!
  • Don’t be afraid to go on a date with someone new if you really want to. It’s ok, this can actually help you get your ex boyfriend back.

Why The No Contact Rule Works

no-talking

In this section we are going to study some of the major benefits to implementing a NC rule immediately after your breakup. Hopefully this section will make you realize the true importance of not talking to your ex for 30 days. By now you should realize that the NC rule is important even if you aren’t trying to get your ex back because it will force you to focus on the most important thing, YOU!

Right now you are crazy. Immediately after a breakup is when you are at your most… “emotional” state. Taking a break from your ex for a minimum of 30 days will give you time to calm down and think more rationally. Not only this but it will give your ex some time to calm down as well. Nothing is going to get accomplished if the both of you are constantly a word away from getting into an argument.

It’s a psychological tactic to getting your ex back if you want. Think of it this way, by ignoring your ex they are going to begin to wonder why he/she isn’t begging me to take them back. It’s interesting, because it allows you to essentially turn the tables on them and gain control over the situation.

Instead of focusing on fighting with your ex you can focus on healing. The no contact rule isn’t just a psychological tactic to getting your ex back it is also a way to ensure that you have time to properly heal. breakup up sucks no if’s, and’s or buts about it. With a month of free time away from your ex you can really get a lot done in the healing department.

Prevents the infamous on again-off again relationship. I am sure you have met one of these types of couples that break up every few months only to get back together again after a few weeks. Healthy relationships are not built on a shaky foundation. They are built by strong ones and the no contact period allows you the proper amount of time to start building that strong foundation again.

You might learn after some soul searching that you don’t want to get back with this person again. This happens a lot more than you realize. Someone who feels so strongly about their ex goes on the 30 day freeze out period and after the 30 days are up they realize that they have no desire to get back with this person again.

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
2,944 Responses to The No Contact Rule
  1. Kris
    August 27, 2014 | 11:11 pm

    chris i want to pick your brain for a second. i completed my NC period and after 35 days sent my initial text to my ex. he responded and hour later. i responded to his text and then got no further response from him. you already mentioned trying to establish more of a conversation with him.
    but what are your thoughts on an additional NC period? and waiting another 21-30 days before trying to establish more of a conversation?

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 12:36 pm

      Wait a week and try again.

  2. Chatnoir
    August 27, 2014 | 1:59 pm

    Hi,

    I could use some help, I would be very grateful for you answer or advice.
    The 30 days of no contact expired and we talked. It went surprisingly, since it was he, who contacted me first and tried to make a casual conversation. So everything went really well, until the dialogue became deeper. It was nothing like a fight or an argument, we just started to talk about what went wrong in our relationship and admitted mistakes, misunderstandings. None of us was as defensive as we were at the break up, so finally we could talk about these honestly. The bad thing was that both of us got kinda emotional, he cried, I cried, not in a desperate way, it was more because of the many good memories which we recalled. We both realized and agreed that we are not stabile yet emotionally, and it will be better to avoid contact for a while again.
    I don’t know what to think; is it posivite or negative? I am happy because I know that he still misses me and we discussed our relationship really well, but yet it feels like a second break up, to me. Do you think that there is still hope?

    • Chatnoir
      August 27, 2014 | 2:01 pm

      *It went surprisingly well

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 12:36 pm

      I think its more positive than negative.

  3. Liliana
    August 27, 2014 | 1:48 pm

    I didn’t know that I am not allowed to respond because I found your site after he contacted me. did I mess it up?

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 12:33 pm

      Well, yes but you can just do thing sright from this point on.

  4. Peardrops
    August 26, 2014 | 7:40 pm

    Hi All

    Im really heartbroken at the moment, I’ve just recently split up from my boyfriend of 2 years as I caught him out talking to others girls and acting like hes single, And the constant lies is what made me broke it off, I told him hes been dumped and then I tried to be amicable on the phone and he put the phone down on me and shouted that “I dumped him” Then the next day he started being abusive telling me to forget him and don’t contact him,and saying he hates me, wishing me and 1 of my kids were run over by a bus, That’s a lot of anger!! why has he reacted like this? and will we ever talk again

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 12:06 pm

      Definitely think the NC rule is right up your ally.

  5. ale
    August 26, 2014 | 2:23 pm

    Hi chris. I need advice (or probably just to hear it again). my ex contacted me again after 6 months he broke up with me. we met, talked, he kissed me (then said he felt almost as he was pushed to do it, despite he did it all and kept behaving like a teenager with me all day) but then told me he is dating 4 girls, he is under the weather (depressed) and that helps him. I told him last week that I don’t want to be one of many, I want to the one for someone, and therefore I told him I was backing off. he said stuff like I make him sad, and, when challenged 9like the kiss bit) he said it’s because I remind him of a part of himself he wants to distance from. We said goodbye and left, the next day he texted to say he felt bad, he is lost, doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t want to disrespect me and him, or slide back, doesn’t want to lose me. I told him maybe he needs to lose me to see things, and he closed off with “much love”. then contacted me again the next day, and I said the backing off means no text, I was disappearing to see if we would both see things, to which he replied disappear then. first week, no attempt at contact. I am finding myself paranoid as I know he dates and I keep checking connection times on whatssap (stupid technology). my friends say he doesn’t care about me at all, I just make him feel better as I am the only person who truly saw something in him and could challenge him (his so called best friend doesn’t give him advice because they don’t want to patronize each other, and he is apparently offended with me because at a dinner, to make small talk, I suggested he spoke to my friend, who works in the same field and maybe could help him out), and the ones who did challenge him he pushed them away… I feel of course lost. what do you think?

    • admin
      August 28, 2014 | 11:50 am

      Dating 4 girls at once?

  6. Gabriella
    August 26, 2014 | 12:52 am

    Hi! im really sad because i broke up with my boyfriend 3 days ago and we havent had any contact but i miss him so much, he didn´t want to break up he wanted to take a time but in this time we could talk and see each other but not as often as always i told him that i thought that was a terrible idea and that if we took our time then we should break up definately, and i have been telling him that he has changed a lot like a month ago, and 2 weeks ago i told him that we should take a time of no contact and he told me that we wanted to keep contact with me, but i never felt him like he was worried or sad although we have been together for more that 3 year, and he started hanging out with some new friends, and what made me the saddest person is when i tried to talk to him and he would be with his friends and he didnt try to call me or anything, he even told me that the only night i was too tired to talk with him because i had to works all day, he told him than he spent like 3 hours on skype talking to a new friend from seattle, and then one day after we broke up i sent to him a video i have make for our anniversary, i thought we would thank me but no he said that i only did gifts for him just waiting for him to give thing too. well the day we broke up he told me that he had came to the beach and i live really close to the beach, he told me that he came to run in the beach with his new friend named samara and my heart broke into pieces to know that we were in the middle of breaking up and he was running with a friend! a complete stranger and he cared more about that than about me.

    im just really sad and i dont know what to do.
    thanks Chris!

  7. KCLonging
    August 25, 2014 | 7:48 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Mine is a long and complicated story so I will try and cut to the chase quickly. I met my ex when I was 16. He was 18. He had just broken up with his gf when we started dating. We had an instant attraction to one another and I fell hard and fast for him. After a fairly brief relationship, he pulled away saying he was “confused”. His ex had recently begun contacting him again. We broke up. I was heartbroken. We remained in contact as we were part of the same social group. Just when I started to move on and become happy, he would show back up in my life where I least expected him. This went on for years. I eventually married. He married almost exactly one year later to the day (to the other girl I’ve already mentioned). He has been separated/divorced for over five years (he’s suffered several devastating tragedies) and the divorce was not his idea. A year ago, he contacted me through Facebook (after over 20 years of not speaking or seeing each other) to say he was sorry, that he had really loved me and that it was a mistake he’s had to live with. I was married at the time but have since separated. The separation was brewing before he re-appeared. We began an emotional affair and since my separation, we have hugged, kissed, snuggled, even SLEPT together (no sexual activity, just spooning). He has said all along that he is not ready for a relationship and that we need to take things slow (ummmm…I’m still married so I was okay with this plan). Yet he has introduced me to his sons, re-introduced me to his mother and spent alot of time talking to his friends and even his ex about me. His ex is still in his life 2-3 times a week (though she doesn’t really NEED to be at this point). He has continued to put her first meaning he has only been willing to schedule time with me around his time with her. Anyway, after making out one night he stopped and said, I feel like I’m cheating on my wife…WHAT??? To add insult to injury, he added another “old friend” into the mix without telling me about it and actually lied to me about it when directly asked…he eventually came clean (while telling me it was none of my business) though he SWEARS she’s just a friend and always has been (she’s married too). So after the cheating comment, I basically told him I couldn’t do this anymore. He is sooooooo angry with me. I have contacted him a couple of times in the last month (for various reasons some of which having to do with practical matters we needed to handle) and he has been very frosty if he responds at all (this after telling me he doesn’t want to lose all contact). There is so much more to this story but the basic bottom line is that over the past year he has said all kinds of things to make me believe that he wanted things to work with me and when we were together, he was soooo affectionate and sweet and loving. I don’t think he knows what he wants. I have been in love with this guy for 34 years. I HATE that we can’t seem to figure our relationship out. We went from talking every day and seeing each other a couple of times a week to no contact. I did unfriend him on FB and I did ask my friend to stop updating me on his posts (which all seemed to reference what was happening with us) but who really knows? I just feel lost and don’t know what to do…HELP!

    • admin
      August 26, 2014 | 1:34 pm

      Man you guys are all tangled up in this situation. It is so complicated huh?

      • KCLonging
        August 26, 2014 | 4:00 pm

        To say the least. Ugh…

  8. Liliana
    August 25, 2014 | 3:03 pm

    Hello,
    I have a question. My ex broke up with me 13 august. 4 days later 18 august he send me a whatsapp message to ask how is it with me. that was the only thing he messaged me. I told him hi.Than he says nothing. 4 days later again 23rd august he send me a whatsapp again because he saw that i was enjoying my life and he had a remark like: your enjoying, I was very cool and send him a high thumb image. and he said: ” so you are calm” I send a “?” to him. and he said: anyway go calm. I send a “?” to him again. He reply:” don’t worry i’m going to delete you from my list so I will be sure I won’t bore/ disturb you anymore. Than I replied: ” your are not disturbing me” and he ended with “ok” But what should I do in cases like this? Do I have to answer him? and contact him after he has contacted me? and I wonder If he still wants me? And what kind of answers should I give?

    Thank you in advance.

    • admin
      August 26, 2014 | 12:55 pm

      Well, if you are in NC then you simply don’t respond…

    • Liliana
      August 26, 2014 | 1:28 pm

      But can this mean that he wants me back? And if I don’t respond maybe he can block me of delete me. And if I see him because sometimes I see him should I look into his eyes or not? Thank you

      • Liliana
        August 26, 2014 | 1:30 pm

        because he likes to manipulate.

  9. Eloise
    August 19, 2014 | 11:39 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I have been seeing my boyfriend for two years. Today he told me that he has too much stuff going on and wants to still keep in touch with me and said he doesn’t know when he will be able to see me and just want to chill and not sure if he wants a woman in his life. I asked him if he was breaking up with me and he said he didn’t say that but if I want to move on it is up to me. It has been months since we spent any time together. I don’t know if he is telling me this not to hurt my feelings and he probably wants me to move on. What do you think I should do? I am really upset.

    • admin
      August 25, 2014 | 11:50 am

      My guess is he said that b/c he didn’t want to hurt your feelings too bad. I would have rather him be direct though.

      • Eloise
        August 25, 2014 | 1:57 pm

        He got laid off and has a temporary job which isn’t paying well and is suffering financially and is under alot of stress. He’s 50 and is depressed that his life is going this badly and I am trying to be supportive. I just don’t know what to do. He is a very direct and stubborn person.

  10. Danielle
    August 19, 2014 | 5:30 pm

    I think I want to take that step into the NC rule with my ex who just broke up with me, it would have been three years together in October. We’ve been having friendly conversation so do I tell him I need space or do I just stop responding out of nowhere?

    • admin
      August 25, 2014 | 11:20 am

      Just out of nowhere.

  11. Martina
    August 18, 2014 | 10:42 pm

    Hi! I have broken up with my ex about 8 weeks ago.. We stayed in touch and saw eachother a few times.. At some point he even spoke to me about trying again and starting to meet more reguraly.. However a week later (today)all went down the hill and I think he changed his mind? I told him that cutting contact is what I need ATM.. Is it a good thing I told him that I’m cutting the contact? Ps reason for the break up is that he doesn’t want relationship ATM and wants to be alone.. Do u think nc rule will help in this situation? Please help ;(

  12. Carol
    August 18, 2014 | 2:20 pm

    I am on my 5th day of no contact. We broke up after a big fight, and my first instinct was to delete him from my facebook. But I actually want him there, so he could check out my updates and see how i’m doing great without him, and the ideal would be if it happens during no contact. Adding him as a friend on facebook counts as a contact? Thank you

    • admin
      August 19, 2014 | 2:05 pm

      Hahaa you obviously haven’t read my guide on Facebook.

      I would say that keeping him friends is a good idea.

  13. Kristen
    August 17, 2014 | 10:31 pm

    Hi Chris, back again for some advice. Today is day 30 of NC. My ex has not tried contacting me at all during the NC period. I thought in the beginning that he might and it’s disheartening that he didn’t. In the beginning it was scary to think about embarking on the journey that is NC, but I am happy and proud of myself that I completed it! Though now that it’s over it is somehow that much more terrifying taking the next step to actually contact him. I have a first text planned out, but I keep psyching myself out that he’s not going to respond or he changed his number or something absolutely ridiculous like that. I know this isn’t the case or that I can never know for sure if I don’t take that first step contacting him after NC, but it’s still really scary. First text was going to be: “I saw the new trailer for _____ movie that made me think of you. How are you? Hope all is well”. I’ve read your almost all of you guides multiple times, but do you have any advice/words of encouragement in making that first contact after NC? Please and thank you. Thank you for all of these guides you post and all the advice and words you have for me and everyone (much of the advice you post to others has helped me through all of this). Much appreciated

  14. Claire
    August 17, 2014 | 4:02 am

    Chris what’s your take on this, Absence makes the heart grow fonder or Out of sight, out of mind?

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:59 pm

      I think it depends on the couple.

      Personally, abscence makes the heart grow fonder I think is true but too much absence can lead to out of sight, out of mind.

  15. Janel
    August 16, 2014 | 3:16 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I was with my ex for 4 months before he broke up with me in May this year, citing differences in personality as the reason. We are colleagues who see each other in office everyday, so it’s hard to maintain a strict NC although I try. About 2 mths after breaking up, he asked me out and it felt like the old days. I asked if he wanted to get back together, his answer was a flat No, saying that he doesn’t get back with his ex-s. I just started NC with him again 2 weeks ago. He has been running into a lot of trouble at work during the past one month. Problems include not performing at work (boss and colleagues complain), bad work attitude and rejecting communication with colleagues. He didn’t used to act this way. Now he’s the exact opposite of what he used to be (in person and at work). He’s not local and pretty new to our state, so I’m not sure if our break-up is affecting him badly, or he’s just feeling homesick. I’m concerned about him. He’s not close to anyone else at work, and no one cares that he’s giving up on himself. But it hurts me to see him like this. Do you think he wants attention? Should I try to talk him out of this, or should I continue NC for the remaining 2 weeks till the full 1 month of NC is over? Please advise.

    Last but not least, thank you so much for your help and all these wonderfully insightful articles, Chris. I really love your website.

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:57 pm

      He may be taking the breakup pretty hard if he isn’t performing properly at work.

      • Janel
        August 18, 2014 | 5:28 pm

        Hi Chris,

        Thanks for your reply. Would you advise that I continue to do NC on him till 30 days are up, or attempt to talk him out of his current state sint performing?

        • Janel
          August 18, 2014 | 5:30 pm

          Sorry for the typo. I meant to type “since he’s not performing at work”.

          Thanks Chris!

  16. veronica
    August 15, 2014 | 7:09 pm

    Hi Chris I have an issue.
    I’m on my 16th day NC my ex hasn’t spoken to me for 23 days.
    Here is the issue a very cute and sweet guy asked me out on a date and I know he wants more than a friendship of me .But I’m thorn, I love my ex with all my heart. We were since October in a long distance relationship and we planned all these months to live together. But I broke up with him last month,I was angry and sad and I felt like I had no choice to do that. It was getting to much for me. Moving there,Uni stuff and not being able to count on him I really think he took me for granted. I felt like I had to do everything alone. He didn’t even bother any more to spend time with me.
    It wasn’t always like that. I was very sad in the end of the relationship. I called him back after half hour I broke up with him but he rejected me. He said he couldn’t be with someone that switches from hating him and loving him. So I thought I had to prove him that I really loved him and for 10 days I did what you call being clingy,his friends stopped talking and responding to me .They are mad at me .They told me we wouldn’t fit together and he couldn’t relax with me. And I should take the consequences of my actions,but I’m doing that…
    I’m moving very soon not far away where he lives,the city where we planned to live together , I can’t back off because I got accepted into Uni. At the beginning he said he needed time and I gave him 2 days and I started messaging him…and I got no response so I kept messaging… a lot. And the 4th day when I got my results he said. We don’t work together I’m sorry. And he congratulated me for my results.
    The thing I don’t get is we got together because we worked together and because we had so much in common.
    I’m doing the NC. I’m improving myself, physically mentally and I have always so much to do with all my hobby’s and I go out all the time .
    I miss him and I want him back but he hasn’t talked to me and he adds quite a lot of girls on his Facebook.
    So my question is do you think I should go to the date ?
    I wanted to tell my ex about the date for being correct with him.
    You know,I don’t know what he’s doing or thinking. I don’t want him to be mad at me or think I never loved him.

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:24 pm

      Did he always add a lot of girls on Facebook before you dated him or is this just a recent trend?

      • veronica
        August 18, 2014 | 6:49 pm

        Just a recent trend.
        Thank you Chris :)
        But I’ll just give up.I did what you said in one of your articles ,to REALLY think if he’s worth.And tbh I realized I wasn’t evolving because I was too busy to make him evolve.The guy has so much potential but he kind of waits opportunities to come to him.I’m a fighter and a perfectionist I need to evolve and to improve myself.
        I doubt he even tries to learn from the mistakes he made in our relationship,even though I wish to learn from them so he can evolve as well.
        I’m much much happier right now. :)

        THANK YOU CHRIS!!!!Thank you for all your tips they helped me A LOT :)

  17. Jasmine
    August 15, 2014 | 5:45 pm

    Hi Chris Sorry I am writing a new post. I just can’t find my old one.
    Ever since my bf and I broke up which has been (3 weeks)he would always be the one texting me to talk and check up on me. However ever since last Tuesday things got a little heated up because he kept saying that he was Glad that We were talking and that i don’t completely hate him. I asked him why he was glad and his answer was “Because I am”… i asked him “because I am is really not an answer” and he went on saying that “he enjoy talking to me and that whatever answer he gives me i’ll find it unsatisfactory”… at that point i was irritated. I had told him that ” honestly the last thing I want right now with my exam coming up and my dad’s serious/dangerous surgery this week is to be arguing with me EX over dumb shit.” His reply was ” I am not trying to argue, i haven’t slept since 1:00 am i am tired and my eyes are hurting.”

    Since that day.. I stopped all communication and did the NO Contact rule as you said.

    He hasn’t tried to text or contact me. I am somewhat even mad and angry that he hasn’t texted me to see how my dad’s surgery went when he knew 100% when he was having it and how serious and nervous i was about it.

    My question is that is it normal for him to be acting like this.. ? or his just an asshole for not being considerate and checking up on me when i actually need to be checked up on… Do I have right to be mad. I mean i know that even if he did text me i wouldn’t answer because of the no contact rule.. but still !

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:21 pm

      I think you would benefit from reading the male mind during NC post I put together.

  18. Molly
    August 15, 2014 | 5:29 pm

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend of nine months, in fact it’s only been two weeks. When we first broke up, we discussed a little bit, all I know is that my ex wants to be friends. The only problem is that I believe he fell out of love me a while before we actually broke up, and it was easy for him to start being friends right away, only a few days after we broke up he was texting me. I tried telling him I needed time, at that point I had started no contact, but I don’t think he got it, after a few days of nothing he texted me again. Being in no contact I didn’t respond, then at like midnight he texts me again with “so I guess we’re done talking” I broke no contact and said I needed time, that I would contact him when I was ready. Of course I won’t say anything now until I feel ready. Should I have not responded in the first place, or was I right to, and was I right in thinking that he was ready to be friends, or was something else going on?

  19. Ammie
    August 15, 2014 | 3:50 pm

    What kind of text messages should I send him?

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:15 pm

      This site and the E-Book is full of them!

  20. Chatnoir
    August 15, 2014 | 2:20 pm

    Hi everyone! I am at the 2th/3th week of NC. I feel a lot better now and my ex boyfriend wrote me last week that it would be nice to meet and talk – however, I won’t answer him, not before September (it is a lucky coincidence that the 30 days of No contact will end in September, just as the new semester starts at the university for both of us. I thought that this way, it might be easier to start a conversation, if we don’t have to plan the meeting, just bump into each other at school, which also gives plenty of common topic to discuss instead of awkward silence. but i don’t want to plan too much before even meeting him, so that’s not my point.) He said extremely rude things last time, when he was angry, and, if I answer him immediately, he might think of me as someone completely without self-respect.

    The issue is that in our town, a little festival will be organized within 2 weeks. I know that he is planning to visit the event, but I have no idea what to do. It is very possible, that if I go too, we will meet at least once and I don’t want to meet with him, until I am not ready and the 30 days of silence is not over. Really don’t want to. But I have worries that if I don’t answer him and won’t show up at the festival, will he feel rejected and because of this; empowered to pick up girls? It’s not his style usually, but you know these situations; they gonna get drunk with his friends and they will encourage him to find somebody else, or a one-night stand, etc…
    So, I don’t know, which would do better to my chances to get back together with him; go to the festival and bump into each other, just to remind him or should I leave him alone? Okay, I don’t think that he would find his future wife at this festival, but if he hooks up with an another girl, won’t it ease the pain of our break up and make him forget about me?
    Thank you very much and please reply, I really don’t have any idea about what should I do.

    • admin
      August 18, 2014 | 12:09 pm

      No big deal.

      If you meet him just be super respectful and try not to engage in a long conversation with him.

  21. Kara
    August 15, 2014 | 2:36 am

    I made it through 30 days of NC…and followed your guide to sending the right texts after NC. He responds to my texts, but it takes him at least a half day/up to a day and a half to respond to my texts, and even then, they are minimal and completely void of any emotion. He seems very distant!! I have been good. I don’t bombard him with texts, but this can’t be a good sign! (this has been going on for a couple weeks now). HELP. What do I do now?

    • admin
      August 15, 2014 | 2:51 pm

      Well, its positive that hes responding.

      He may be playing some games of his own.

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