The No Contact Rule

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

The no contact rule isn’t really a complicated concept to grasp. You basically cut off all communication with your ex for a certain amount of time. Generally, the no contact rule occurs after a breakup. Yet, it’s amazing how many people have trouble doing this correctly. Thus, this page is meant to teach you how to successfully implement the no contact rule so you can put yourself in the best position to get your ex back.

(Disclaimer- I realize that this website is meant mostly for women who are trying to get their exes back. However, this particular page deals with a universal subject that can be used by both men and women. So, if you are trying to get an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back then you came to the right place.)

Let’s Cut To The Chase… Can You Get Your Ex Back With The NC Rule?

It is very possible. That is why you are here right, to get your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend) back? Here is the deal though, I realize that over time I have become the “no contact” guy since I am such an advocate for it. As a result of this stereotype there are women and even men coming to this site that are under the impression that the no contact rule is all you have to do to get an ex back. That is actually not true. Getting your ex back is a very complicated process (I am not going to lie) that has a lot of different components to it. The no contact rule is only one of those components.

Now, if what you really want is a step by step guide that will lay out “the gameplan” to getting an ex back for you then I am here to tell you that I have created such a resource. It took me two months and 20,000 words but I did it. Check it out below:

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

What Is The No Contact Rule?

As stated above, it is basically an agreement with yourself that you are going to cut your ex out of your life for a certain period of time. Let me put this in terms that you will hopefully make things clearer:

Doing The Following Things Are NOT Allowed

  • Calling your ex on your phone.
  • Texting your ex.
  • Hanging out with them.
  • Emailing them.
  • Leaving your ex notes.
  • Bumping into them on purpose.

How Long To Keep No Contact Going?


Believe it or not but a lot of experts debate on this subject. Some will swear that 60 days (or two months) of not contacting an ex is optimal. Others claim that 90 days (or three months) is the way to go. I personally don’t agree with either of those assessments but then again each broken relationship is different and will require unique individual time frames. With that being said I believe that a minimum of 30 days is the way to go. This amount of time will give you and your ex enough breathing room to calm down and look at the situation more rationally.

Situations Where It Is Impossible To Avoid Contact

no eye contact

There will be certain situations where it will be impossible to ignore your ex. Remember, your goal with a no contact period is not to become a jerk so there is no reason to use it that way. If you find yourself in these situations and ONLY IN THESE SITUATIONS you can break your no contact agreement but there is a certain way you have to act.

Situation 1- If you have kids with the person. No contact in this case can be tricky. Your goal is to remain calm, civil and pleasant during any interactions with your ex. However, keep any talking simple and short. If you immediately cave and start talking about your feelings not only will you turn the person completely off but having a “feelings” conversation in front of your kids probably isn’t the best venue. After your interaction go straight back into no contact mode. This means no calling, texting or facebooking them.

Situation 2- If you live with this person even after the breakup. No doubt it can be really tricky to “no contact” a person when they are literally living with you. While this situation may suck it certainly isn’t impossible to cut off a significant portion of your contact with them. Your goal in this case is to be a very respectful roommate. However, you also need to remember that you are creating a new life of which they are separate from (or you need to appear to be creating one.) Again, keep any conversation simple, short and pleasant.

Situation 3- This one isn’t really like the other situations. Your ex may call you or show up on your doorstep wanting to collect their belongings. If this happens don’t be a jerk and prevent them from getting their stuff. You should know the drill, keep any conversation short and simple. If they try to talk about your relationship don’t get baited into doing so.

I Broke The No Contact Rule. What Now?


So, we have already established that in order to do a NC (No Contact Rule) correctly you are going to have essentially cut your ex out of your life for a minimum of 30 days. Now, a lot of you may be thinking that doing that is a piece of cake. If so, then you would be dead wrong. You’d be surprised at the amount of people who break on the first day. It can be especially hard when your heart is begging you to just pick up the phone and type a simple text message to your ex. Unfortunately, by breaking NC you are losing power and control over your relationship which at this stage is a very bad thing.

Besides, breaking the NC means you have to start over from day one. For example, lets just say that you advanced 15 days without even initiating contact with your ex (he/she may have contacted you but we will talk about that later on this page.) However, on day 16 you cave and contact them. Well, by doing this you are going to have to start your NC period over again FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. In order for this process to work you need to prove that you can go 30 full days without relying on your ex for a conversation.

A Stressful Choice

You may find that as you embark on this essential 30 day freeze out from your ex that they may try to initiate contact with you. If this happens I guarantee you that you are going to want to talk to them. Maybe they call you. Maybe they send you that simple one word text “hey.” Whatever happens DO NOT CAVE IN if this contact comes before the allotted 30 days. Even then though, you can’t begin to think about talking to your ex until you complete some of the other things outlined on this page which leads us to our next section…

What To Do During The No Contact Period


You didn’t think you were just going to sit around on the couch all day catching up on re-runs of Friends during this time did you? No, I am very big into remaining active and so should you. This is a perfect time to improve yourself which is exactly what you are going to be doing during this time. You are going to become the best version of yourself mentally and physically! But first I feel compelled to mention:

Behaviors To Avoid

  •  Staying at home all day or refusing to go out.
  • Drinking too much alcohol.
  • Sleeping all day long.
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about your breakup.
  • Making major life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work.

The smartest thing that you can do during NC is to improve yourself both mentally and physically. Lets start by taking a look at how you can improve yourself physically.

Positive Physical Changes

change your appearance

Break-ups can happen for many different reasons. However, if you know for a fact that your ex became less attracted to you over the course of your relationship you can work to change that. When talking about physical changes during the NC period you should aim to become the sexiest version of yourself. For example, if you let yourself go a little bit during the relationship then it would be wise to use your time getting in better physical shape. Not only are the health benefits immense to getting in good shape but it can legitimately be a step in the right direction to getting an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back. Lets take a look at more positive physical changes you can make in your life:

  • Lose weight (if you are overweight.)
  • Quit smoking (especially if your ex significant other had a problem with this.)
  • Update your wardrobe.
  • Get a new haircut.
  • Be sure that your hygiene is taken care of.
  • Clean up your diet.
  • Treat any skin problems you may have (example: acne.)

Positive Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

Becoming the sexiest version of yourself is only half the battle when it comes to taking a positive step towards getting your ex back. In fact, you could make the argument that the mental side of things during the no contact period is even more important than the physical side. First off, let me define what I am going to include in this section. Obviously the positive mental changes is going to cover mental aspects but it will also help you understand the importance of not falling off the map socially. Lets take a look at what some of the most important mental changes you can make are:

  • Prepare yourself for the fact that there is no guarantee that you will be getting your ex back.
  • Do some brainstorming and determine what the real reason of your breakup with your ex was.
  • Keep your friends close and confide in them. They are there to listen.
  • If your friends are going out or you are invited out, GO!
  • Don’t be afraid to go on a date with someone new if you really want to. It’s ok, this can actually help you get your ex boyfriend back.

Why The No Contact Rule Works


In this section we are going to study some of the major benefits to implementing a NC rule immediately after your breakup. Hopefully this section will make you realize the true importance of not talking to your ex for 30 days. By now you should realize that the NC rule is important even if you aren’t trying to get your ex back because it will force you to focus on the most important thing, YOU!

Right now you are crazy. Immediately after a breakup is when you are at your most… “emotional” state. Taking a break from your ex for a minimum of 30 days will give you time to calm down and think more rationally. Not only this but it will give your ex some time to calm down as well. Nothing is going to get accomplished if the both of you are constantly a word away from getting into an argument.

It’s a psychological tactic to getting your ex back if you want. Think of it this way, by ignoring your ex they are going to begin to wonder why he/she isn’t begging me to take them back. It’s interesting, because it allows you to essentially turn the tables on them and gain control over the situation.

Instead of focusing on fighting with your ex you can focus on healing. The no contact rule isn’t just a psychological tactic to getting your ex back it is also a way to ensure that you have time to properly heal. breakup up sucks no if’s, and’s or buts about it. With a month of free time away from your ex you can really get a lot done in the healing department.

Prevents the infamous on again-off again relationship. I am sure you have met one of these types of couples that break up every few months only to get back together again after a few weeks. Healthy relationships are not built on a shaky foundation. They are built by strong ones and the no contact period allows you the proper amount of time to start building that strong foundation again.

You might learn after some soul searching that you don’t want to get back with this person again. This happens a lot more than you realize. Someone who feels so strongly about their ex goes on the 30 day freeze out period and after the 30 days are up they realize that they have no desire to get back with this person again.

Sarah and Kai

The Sarah Vs. Kai Case Study

Put your email in the box on the right to follow along as I show two women exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.Right Arrow

2,505 Responses to The No Contact Rule
  1. shattered hearts
    April 23, 2014 | 4:11 am

    Hi. My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year plus. I was cheated once and I’ve told him I need him to be honest with me at all times. We broke up ytd because he lied to me. I am really hurt. But we’ve planned a trip 2 weeks later and the air tickets & accommodation have already been paid. So do I continue the NC plan which we will both missed out the trip or just ho back together? But I do not want him to take me for granted and let him think is normal for him to lie to me. How. What should I do?

  2. Karla
    April 22, 2014 | 1:57 pm

    So I’ve started the NC rule, and I’m on day 3, but I had some questions. While I do avoid him now by taking different routes to classes, spending free time doing work, but all of our friends our mutual. I’m not sure how right it is to talk to them because they spend more time with him. I’m thinking I can, because they respect me just as much as him because of how he is at times, but it’ll be hard. I’m not one to cry infront of others while putting on such a front. Thanks!

    • Karla
      April 22, 2014 | 2:30 pm

      Oh yeah, also it’s unavoidable to see him in the mornings. I saw him yesterday, but I was keeping myself occupied, whether it was talking to others or doing some errands for teachers, but I see him every morning. How bad is that?

  3. Tani
    April 22, 2014 | 6:11 am

    My boyfriend of 18months 2 weeks ago asked for space and told me he needed some time to figure out how he feels. I haven’t contacted him and decided I would not for at least a month but 2 days ago he randomly called me (this is before I had come across your website) I answered not knowing this was going to effect me…we had small talk he just asked what I was doing and I actually was out with a girlfriend having drinks and after a few minutes of small talk he said i should let you go as it sounds like your having fun and I said ok and that was it. Now me answering his call I hope it has not stuffed any chances of him wanting me back…Has it? what do I do know? do I restart the 30 days no contact with him again? Please help-im confused as to what to do.

    • admin
      April 22, 2014 | 4:54 pm

      Haha honestly I think you played the call perfectly. Stick to NC nevertheless though.

  4. Laura
    April 19, 2014 | 7:23 pm


    My boyfriend and I dated for 1.5 years….he is 10 years older than me and we never told each other we loved one another…I always thought it was him having personal issues or he just wasn’t in a rush to marry….well he told me that he knew he was capable of loving but just wasn’t in love with me and that we needed to stop seeing one another but of course loves my friendship and daughters–suggested we be civil and still be friends….I’m devastated because I did so much for him and it was never enough….Do you think he will ever realize what he had? or What do I do? We had a great relationship–we never fought, we had a great friendship and great communication…but he says he built a wall up and just never loved me…

    • admin
      April 20, 2014 | 3:48 am

      What are your ages?

      • laura
        April 21, 2014 | 11:52 pm

        I’m 21 & he’s 31…I heard from him sunday and today….I mean why is he texting me if he “can’t fall in love with me”????

        • admin
          April 22, 2014 | 4:46 pm

          He probably still emotionally relies on you.

          • Laura
            April 23, 2014 | 3:03 pm

            Okay so what do I do? No contact? I’m not sure if he’s trying to be my friend or misses me…he’s constantly messaging asking how Im doing and If we can get our kids together for a playdate…idk!

    • Laura
      April 20, 2014 | 8:50 pm

      I’m 21 and he is turning 31 in 3 months. We each have a child
      From different relationships…he actually text me
      This morning saying “hey just wanted to tell you that I hope you’re doing good :) hope you and Sophia have a good Easter :)” it’s been 48 hours since we broke up…I have yet to reply!

  5. Sarah
    April 16, 2014 | 12:38 pm

    I would like to write this to give some hope to others reading, as I found great comfort in similar stories. My boyfriend of 6 months dumped me last month as he felt under pressure as I kept “going on about” having kids. I blame this on the fact I’m 37 and panicking! He was probably right that I was in the wrong, which made it harder for me to accept that I’d lost him through my own mistake. For the 1st couple of days, I sent him so many texts begging him to give me another chance, that I messed things up even more and he said he didn’t even want to be friends as I was doing his head in. The next few days were hell. I didn’t eat or sleep and couldn’t even vent to my friends as I’d been the one in the wrong and we have mutual friends. So I hid myself away and cried endlessly. I started reading about the no contact rule and thought I’d give it a go, though it was really hard not to text him. After a couple of days he started to send me matey type texts ending with a smiley face, just asking if I was ok. I broke the no contact rule, but only to briefly reply saying “Yeah, I’m fine :-)” Anyway, to my astonishment, after only 2 weeks, he wanted to come round to see me and talk about getting back together and we’re now taking it slow but very much in love. I think it’s just what I needed to make me realise what I could lose if I don’t give him space. Anyway girls, don’t give up, it’s hard, but if you are patient and he loves you, he will come back. Thank you for all your amazing stories of hope. Sarah xx

  6. Caroline
    April 15, 2014 | 3:04 pm

    Hi Chris! I think u already know my story :) My boyfriend of 1 year broke up (it was a serious relationship and we were planning to get engaged) with me in June 2013. I begged him non-stop to take me back for 1 month. Then since it didn’t work and that I read ur articles :) I decided to no-contact him. In October (that is 2 months since I last talked to him), I saw him on the street and he rushed to say hi but then I insulted him with some messages (but I also said sorry and how much I love him with some other messages. I know I’m crazy)because I discovered from facebook that he went to the movies with a friend. Since then, we do not talk to each other and I haven’t seen him anymore. Do u think he would come back? Please help me!! Thank you :)

  7. A hypothetical question
    April 15, 2014 | 9:23 am

    Just a hypothetical question.
    What if the breakup was premature? For example the two people didn’t really want to split, one(or both) of them only said it to test the other. I know that sounds childish, but I bet some people do that. In that scenario, wouldn’t it be better if one person just be the mature one and apologize right away? NCR only seems to add unnecessary drama to the situation. If they both decide to hold out until the other cracks, wouldn’t the situation be a deadlock? They could’ve made up the next day. But with NCR they have to wait a month.
    But overall, NCR is a legitimate.

    • A hypothetical question
      April 15, 2014 | 9:32 am

      It might turn into a real breakup by the end.

  8. Linds
    April 15, 2014 | 6:31 am

    I’m less than a week into the no contact period. My ex broke up with me and said he wants to be friends but to give him time before we talk again.The only social media I have is instagram and I unfollowed him so I wouldn’t see his posts.He is still following me though.Should I block him?Does it matter if he sees or likes my posts as long as I don’t see his?

    • admin
      April 15, 2014 | 4:19 pm

      Just finish out the NC period.

  9. Jane
    April 14, 2014 | 6:53 pm

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me back in June 2012 while he was out of the country for half a year. He broke things off with me because he said that he didn’t want to be involved in a relationship with anyone and that he needed to take the time to find himself and build a life for himself. He told me that he still loved me and still had feelings for me but wanted to be friends for now until he could figure things out in his life. So I made the mistake of being friends with him, spending time with him and hanging out. For the past couple of months I thought things were going great between him and I. We were getting along, we weren’t arguing and fighting, and we were spending more and more time together. I thought things were moving in the right direction and things were finally starting to look up for me. I did try the “no contact rule” for a few weeks and it worked, or at least I had thought it did. I ignored every attempt at communication from him until he decided to show up to my house because he missed me and wanted to talk. He ended up pouring out his heart to me, tell me that he still loved me, that he was still “in love” with me, that he missed me, and that he wanted to spend time together. As time went on after that, we started acting more and more like boyfriend and girlfriend. Like previously stated, we had been getting along really great and he started including me in more things in his life. If I ever brought up the relationship talk, he would tell me that he wasn’t ready and that he still was trying to figure his life out and that it wouldn’t be fair to me to drag me through finding himself. Last night, he pulled me aside and sat me down and decided to tell me that even though we have been acting like we are boyfriend and girlfriend, that he doesn’t want that anymore. He told me that his feelings have changed for me and that he is no longer in love with me anymore. He told me that I am still the most beautiful girl in the world to him and that I am truly an amazing and awesome person and his best friend, but he just doesn’t have the same feelings for me that he once had. He told me that he doesn’t foresee himself being in a relationship with anyone for many, many years to come and that he is still trying to figure his life out and that he realizes that he has been very selfish towards me and that it is no longer fair to me that he can’t reciprocate his feelings. He told me that he loves me very much, but he just isn’t in love with me anymore.
    So, I am lost, I am hurt, and I am confused. I know he has said similar things like this in the past to me, but only because we were arguing and fighting but last night was different, he had a calm demeanor and there was no tension or any negative emotions and feelings. Is the love really gone? Is it possible for us to rekindle again one day? Could his feelings grow for me again and could he fall in love with me again? Should I move on and let him go? Too many questions running through my mind so I am posting on here to try and get clarity and seek some advice. Thanks.

    • admin
      April 15, 2014 | 4:12 pm

      Ok, one question at a time. What do you want to know most?

  10. Mink
    April 14, 2014 | 1:07 pm


    Your website is very insightful! thanks for all the advice. I have not read anywhere what has to be done if its the ex’s birthday during NC? I am 26 days into no contact and its his birthday tomorrow. It was his idea to break a 4 1/2 year relationship.

    • admin
      April 14, 2014 | 5:38 pm

      You don’t contact him :/

  11. Clary
    April 14, 2014 | 8:13 am

    - my ex boyfriend of four years broke up with me two months ago
    - i’ve completed the 30 days NC on 11th april
    - bumped into him couple of times during and after NC
    - he was acting like he doesnt know me at all
    I’m confused chris, since he blocked me on all social media and was holding resentment towards me after the break up, i dont know if i should inititate contact because i know i will probably not get any reply. He also seemed to be so much happier now.

    Do you know why he’s treating me like a stranger every time we walked passed each other? Should i go up to him and say hi or should i pretend like i dont know him as well?

  12. Ms. Unfortunate Situation
    April 14, 2014 | 1:59 am

    I left my husband a 14 years for his brother. His brother was also married to my best friend and had 3 kids with her ranging from 12 to 17. I have 2 kids with my husband ages 13 and 11. When we came out about our affair all 5 of our kids hated us along with our friends in the majority of our family. After two weeks he told me he loved me but it was too hard for him to be with me and that his kids would never talk to him again if he stayed. I did go totally psycho on him since I feel that I gave up my whole entire life for him and he changed his mind two weeks later. We did do the friends with benefits thing about 1 week after that and haven’t talked much since. I understand that this is a very sticky situation but obviously I love him a lot since I was willing to give up my entire life for him and I would assume he really loves me too since in the beginning he was willing to do the same thing. He trying to get his wife but I think he’s doing that because he thinks it’ll be easier if he’s with her and it all his friends and family will like him again. I on the other hand want to get back with him. Do you think this no contact rule thing going to work for me are you think maybe my situation is a little different? He is currently staying with his sister and all of his stuff is still at my house so I will see him on occasion but I told him not to show up unannounced. I also see him almost everyday when we pick her kids up from school and we do not talk there since we are the talk of the town in our kids really don’t wanna see us together right now. Any helpful advise would be appreciated, thank you so much!

    • admin
      April 14, 2014 | 5:12 pm

      Honestly… do you feel bad at all about the affair? I mean, there are kids involved here?

  13. tami
    April 14, 2014 | 12:47 am

    CaN i make the first contact step after the 30days have passed? P.s. I hurt him alot without knowing that what i did was a big deal. I didnt cheat or anthing like that and i want him because i know i can fix and rebuild our relationship to be stronger than ever. So if u can text after what would be the best thing to say?

    • admin
      April 14, 2014 | 5:31 pm

      Yes you can.

  14. angie
    April 13, 2014 | 10:59 pm

    My boyfriend and I were together for almost four years. We started dating when I was a sophomore in college and he was a junior. We moved in together after 2 years and had a great relationship. Unfortunately due to my visa I had to leave the country. We planned on doing the whole long distance relationship but we never really made any future plans. I was always willing to do anything to stay with him, even if it meant starting a masters degree in the same city just in order to be able to stay there. I was willing to move to another city for him. He said he wasn’t ready for such a big commitment, and I understand, we are only 22 and 23 and not ready to get married or anything, but I would have still done anything just to stay together. He always said if it was meant to be we would end up together, but we couldn’t force things to happen. So we decided to go with the whole long distance relationship and hoped for the best. 5 days after I left he called me crying and upset telling me that he had kissed another girl at a party. He said he was sorry and he regretted everything and that he would understand if I didn’t want to talk to him ever again. We broke up and I tried to convince myself that it was for the best because it wouldn’t make sense to begin a LDR with no near future. The problem is I am still in love with him, and want him back but now he is the one who doesn’t want to get back together. What can I do to get over him? It kills me seeing him hanging out with our friends, living in our apartment, moving on with his life while I’m stuck here back home hating my life. I felt like we never really had closure and it is killing me. How do I get over this? Should I try the NC rule?

    • admin
      April 14, 2014 | 5:28 pm

      Absolutely you should.

  15. Sasha Jackson
    April 13, 2014 | 2:56 am

    I was doing so good with the NC I was on day 2 and enjoying it. I had ignored a few of his texts and was pushing forward. But he texted me again tonight and because of what he said my silly heart got the best of me and I responded. I have no idea how I’m going to be able to get through an entire 30 day period of NC. It’s harder than I imagined. Of course my main concern is that he will get mad at me and say some awful things because of it. I need more tips on how to successfully get through this NC period.

    • admin
      April 13, 2014 | 4:57 pm

      Take it one day at a time and make yourself as busy as possible.

  16. Britt
    April 12, 2014 | 9:29 pm

    How do I get over him? He was my first love, I worshipped and trusted him with everything I had. Then he just threw it away on my “friend” who is a walking ****. I don’t think I ever want to trust anyone ever again.

  17. Linda
    April 12, 2014 | 12:34 am

    Me and my ex were going out for 26 months. We moved to university and things got quite hard and eventually we just deteriorated and broke up because we didn’t know how to handle the distance or communicating with each other.

    I have been dealing with the break up really badly. I still love him and he still cares about me. We were in a somewhat emotionally abusive relationship and we didn’t have any help or realisation of what was going on. We broke up for a month and then he came to visit me for three days and everything was fine and perfect. He said he wanted to try again and he thought we were going to be great again and we acted like a couple and we were happy. However when he went back to university he changed his mind.

    That was a month ago. Now we are both home from university and I went to drop off his stuff. We argued and cried and hugged then were intimate and then said goodbye. It didn’t seem to make sense. He says he needs to “heal” and that he can’t be around me and he doesn’t want this “now”. Yet sometimes he totally changes tone and says he never wants to speak to me again and he just wants to move on with his life and one day we’ll both be happy and everything will be okay. He says he just wants the best for me and wants me to be as safe and happy as I can be.

    We have been on/off arguing since coming home from university and we haven’t been making progress, yet we have been in contact a lot. Now I have decided to give him what he wants and give him the space to “heal”. I think he still cares but I think he is scared of committing again because we are both hurting.

    Am I crazy for wanting this relationship to work? Will he move on and find someone else by me giving him time to “heal” or is there a chance he will come back to me?
    I am scared, I really did love this man and now I feel like he is in complete control of the situation so I decided not to email back but I am worried he will forget me and move on.
    Please help, this is seriously getting me down!

    • admin
      April 12, 2014 | 4:21 pm

      26 months hahaha. You really have it down don’t you. I mean, you have the exact month total for me.

      So, you two were long distance?

  18. aya
    April 11, 2014 | 10:34 pm

    I lost my ex boyfriend..he said hes going to wait for me but fall inlove with somebody else..only 1month to go and we’re going to see each other again..i call him bec.hes not answering what om asking in fb..if he has gf..i ask him if he has gf already..he said no at first but admitted it eventually..he said he love her..and said we could b friends but i said not gonna msg u anymore.i hope u two will b hapi..and before i cut d col i heard him said too much..what should i do?..but still i cnt believe its true that he love dat girl…

  19. Emily
    April 11, 2014 | 4:24 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me almost a month ago to my utter surprise, I knew we had problems, but I didn’t realize this bad. He was unhappy with our communication and my weight and our sex life becuase of the weight; because I kept saying I would change it, but I actually gained weight instead. He says that made him loose trust in my promises especially with the communication because he felt he tried harder to fix our problems then I did. I know he’s right on some levels, but there was a lot else going on too. I lost my job 4 mths into our lease, my friend moved into help with her 3 young kids into our 2 bdroom apt! That was so difficult and looking back, really stupid. It took me months to find another good job, which in the meantime both of them were begging me to just find any old job, which was hard bc I was the one who made all the money before and supported them. To say the least it has been stressful. I don’t know if it’s all over because we just “don’t work” as he says, or because maybe we just ran our of patience and time and grew apart with life and with each other. When we started dating, we were best friends and in college together, but I graduated 2 years ago and he’s still going and kept changing majors… I always felt we were off track because of that. Then add an awkward roommate situation we took on to pay bills… he says it just sped up what would have happen, but I feel different. Hes very logical and looks at things with little emotion when making hard decisions, and now he’s “shut his emotions off” because so busy with school and work and moving out (still in process of that, so living together still).. and i’m going crazy with them all the time!!! And we both would like to at least be friends because we were before.. but also for me because I think this feels wrong to quit after 4 years.
    I have done a lot of talking to him to the point that he says he can’t handle the emotional stuff anymore, that he if I even bring up the past, he goes quiet. I can’t help it, he was my rock, my confidant, idk what to do!
    I know I’ve talked too much to him and any space I give him now, he will gladly take. Lately he has been trying to be there for me, which has been sweet, but only as friends and because he says it harder for me because i wasn’t prepared as him.. he had been debating for weeks when to talk to me! It feels like he just turned it off while i still wait for my kisses. I just want to know he still cares, which he says he still loves me and cares, but he has to move on. I just want to know he thinks abt all the things we are losing and will miss and i want him to realize they are still worth fighting for.
    I did find out he cheated 6 mnths ago, but not until a week ago (broken up almost month now).. and he never told me bc he regretted it so much, he was just unhappy with our sex life (again i’m overweight and mind.. he is not, he loves working out) and didn’t want to hurt me after he thought abt what he had done. He never did it again. I don’t know if i can forgive him yet, but at this point its not like i can punish him.. and all i see is that i wish i knew then bc i just didn’t realize how bad it all was from his perspective. I thought we had time to work on us still since life had gotten so crazy. I would like at least the chance to work it out, but its so complicated.. i just know I still love him…
    He won’t ask my forgiveness for cheating bc he says he doesn’t deserve it. And I just still love him.. i cant shake that.
    Also how do you do it when we still have some bills and accounts together and will take months to end? Is it too late? Have I done too much damage to make this program work like the NC rule? I think we have something real and there is a lot going on, but I want to try!

    • admin
      April 12, 2014 | 4:02 pm

      Well, luckily you can work to lose the weight.

      I guess I just want to ask you if you really want him back if he cheated on you?

  20. Simran
    April 11, 2014 | 8:07 am

    hey, question? what if he doesn’t get in touch with you because he is very strong headed? but you know he has not moved on, he still loves you to bits and is totally diverting his mind by overworking himself? Should the NC rule still be applied?

    • admin
      April 12, 2014 | 3:48 pm

      Have you read the male mind during NC article. I actually talk about this.

  21. Sarah
    April 10, 2014 | 7:08 am

    Guys… what the heck… me and my ex broke up so long ago and I did all the wrong things in attempt to make him come back…

    He said he is not ready for a relationship, that he can’t take care of me (i suppose he did) and needed to focus on himself… and that i do to .. i guess its true…

    But we have been seeing each other, sleeping over… doing everything wrong.. and I get angry because he can’t have his cake and eat it too.. but I have simply not been able to help it.

    Its been 3 days since I initiated contact and I have not heard from him… what if he has found someone or .. ah my mind goes crazy.

    Sometimes I find myself on the brink.. making excuses like ‘well if he doesn’t its because he is scared and thinks this is the right thing to do and is trying to be fair and kind…’ I guess i’m despairing because he has not contacted me since three days ago… guys i think i’m going to contact him.. please tell me if this is a terrible idea…

    I am REALLY trying to keep busy. I go out every night with friends, do all my work, exercise… but when I’m alone.. ahh … I just want to know he cares.. and thinks of me while we find out own way independently as we relied on each other too much….

    Help! How do I do NC without being irrational… does it get easier?

    • admin
      April 11, 2014 | 3:49 am

      Yes it will get easier. My recommendation is to take it one moment at a time. Make yourself as busy as you possibly can. I know its hard but hang in there.

  22. Desiree Rojas
    April 8, 2014 | 11:04 pm

    My ex left me three weeks ago he was in complete depression after his sister death and was taking out me. He said he felt trapped and was unhappy with himself. But he contacts me everyday and argues with me and tells he doesn’t love or want me anymore. I deactivated my facebook so he wouldn’t message me anymore. 20 minutes he emails me upset that i blocked him. Then today he emailed to get his stuff Eventually am i going to be civilized. I love him i dont what to do.

    • admin
      April 10, 2014 | 1:44 am

      Just give him some time to calm down. He is acting like a crazy person right now.

  23. Christina
    April 8, 2014 | 3:27 pm

    Ohh soo confused. So my boyfriend of 1.5 years sat me down and said we needed “time apart”. Due to trustissues that keep haunting us from the past. I walked away calmly and decided to go no contact. He blew up my phone all night after and after not replying hasnt tried again. Am I right for going no contact in this situation? I know we love eachother but it seems like we never can communicate/ understand eachother. Its day 3 and Im having that anxiety feeling I wanna run but something keeps always pulling me back. I need insight into the male mind because im 100% woman confused why he cant understand my view on things. Blah! Cant decide whos right.

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