The No Contact Rule

 Ex-Boyfriend-Recovery-PRO

The no contact rule isn’t really a complicated concept to grasp. You basically cut off all communication with your ex for a certain amount of time. Generally, the no contact rule occurs after a breakup. Yet, it’s amazing how many people have trouble doing this correctly. Thus, this page is meant to teach you how to successfully implement the no contact rule so you can put yourself in the best position to get your ex back.

(Disclaimer- I realize that this website is meant mostly for women who are trying to get their exes back. However, this particular page deals with a universal subject that can be used by both men and women. So, if you are trying to get an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back then you came to the right place.)

Let’s Cut To The Chase… Can You Get Your Ex Back With The NC Rule?

It is very possible. That is why you are here right, to get your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend) back? Here is the deal though, I realize that over time I have become the “no contact” guy since I am such an advocate for it. As a result of this stereotype there are women and even men coming to this site that are under the impression that the no contact rule is all you have to do to get an ex back. That is actually not true. Getting your ex back is a very complicated process (I am not going to lie) that has a lot of different components to it. The no contact rule is only one of those components.

Now, if what you really want is a step by step guide that will lay out “the gameplan” to getting an ex back for you then I am here to tell you that I have created such a resource. It took me two months and 20,000 words but I did it. Check it out below:

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

What Is The No Contact Rule?

As stated above, it is basically an agreement with yourself that you are going to cut your ex out of your life for a certain period of time. Let me put this in terms that you will hopefully make things clearer:

Doing The Following Things Are NOT Allowed

  • Calling your ex on your phone.
  • Texting your ex.
  • Hanging out with them.
  • Emailing them.
  • Leaving your ex notes.
  • Bumping into them on purpose.

How Long To Keep No Contact Going?

30-days

Believe it or not but a lot of experts debate on this subject. Some will swear that 60 days (or two months) of not contacting an ex is optimal. Others claim that 90 days (or three months) is the way to go. I personally don’t agree with either of those assessments but then again each broken relationship is different and will require unique individual time frames. With that being said I believe that a minimum of 30 days is the way to go. This amount of time will give you and your ex enough breathing room to calm down and look at the situation more rationally.

Situations Where It Is Impossible To Avoid Contact

no eye contact

There will be certain situations where it will be impossible to ignore your ex. Remember, your goal with a no contact period is not to become a jerk so there is no reason to use it that way. If you find yourself in these situations and ONLY IN THESE SITUATIONS you can break your no contact agreement but there is a certain way you have to act.

Situation 1- If you have kids with the person. No contact in this case can be tricky. Your goal is to remain calm, civil and pleasant during any interactions with your ex. However, keep any talking simple and short. If you immediately cave and start talking about your feelings not only will you turn the person completely off but having a “feelings” conversation in front of your kids probably isn’t the best venue. After your interaction go straight back into no contact mode. This means no calling, texting or facebooking them.

Situation 2- If you live with this person even after the breakup. No doubt it can be really tricky to “no contact” a person when they are literally living with you. While this situation may suck it certainly isn’t impossible to cut off a significant portion of your contact with them. Your goal in this case is to be a very respectful roommate. However, you also need to remember that you are creating a new life of which they are separate from (or you need to appear to be creating one.) Again, keep any conversation simple, short and pleasant.

Situation 3- This one isn’t really like the other situations. Your ex may call you or show up on your doorstep wanting to collect their belongings. If this happens don’t be a jerk and prevent them from getting their stuff. You should know the drill, keep any conversation short and simple. If they try to talk about your relationship don’t get baited into doing so.

I Broke The No Contact Rule. What Now?

rule

So, we have already established that in order to do a NC (No Contact Rule) correctly you are going to have essentially cut your ex out of your life for a minimum of 30 days. Now, a lot of you may be thinking that doing that is a piece of cake. If so, then you would be dead wrong. You’d be surprised at the amount of people who break on the first day. It can be especially hard when your heart is begging you to just pick up the phone and type a simple text message to your ex. Unfortunately, by breaking NC you are losing power and control over your relationship which at this stage is a very bad thing.

Besides, breaking the NC means you have to start over from day one. For example, lets just say that you advanced 15 days without even initiating contact with your ex (he/she may have contacted you but we will talk about that later on this page.) However, on day 16 you cave and contact them. Well, by doing this you are going to have to start your NC period over again FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. In order for this process to work you need to prove that you can go 30 full days without relying on your ex for a conversation.

A Stressful Choice

You may find that as you embark on this essential 30 day freeze out from your ex that they may try to initiate contact with you. If this happens I guarantee you that you are going to want to talk to them. Maybe they call you. Maybe they send you that simple one word text “hey.” Whatever happens DO NOT CAVE IN if this contact comes before the allotted 30 days. Even then though, you can’t begin to think about talking to your ex until you complete some of the other things outlined on this page which leads us to our next section…

What To Do During The No Contact Period

choices

You didn’t think you were just going to sit around on the couch all day catching up on re-runs of Friends during this time did you? No, I am very big into remaining active and so should you. This is a perfect time to improve yourself which is exactly what you are going to be doing during this time. You are going to become the best version of yourself mentally and physically! But first I feel compelled to mention:

Behaviors To Avoid

  •  Staying at home all day or refusing to go out.
  • Drinking too much alcohol.
  • Sleeping all day long.
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about your breakup.
  • Making major life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work.

The smartest thing that you can do during NC is to improve yourself both mentally and physically. Lets start by taking a look at how you can improve yourself physically.

Positive Physical Changes

change your appearance

Break-ups can happen for many different reasons. However, if you know for a fact that your ex became less attracted to you over the course of your relationship you can work to change that. When talking about physical changes during the NC period you should aim to become the sexiest version of yourself. For example, if you let yourself go a little bit during the relationship then it would be wise to use your time getting in better physical shape. Not only are the health benefits immense to getting in good shape but it can legitimately be a step in the right direction to getting an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back. Lets take a look at more positive physical changes you can make in your life:

  • Lose weight (if you are overweight.)
  • Quit smoking (especially if your ex significant other had a problem with this.)
  • Update your wardrobe.
  • Get a new haircut.
  • Be sure that your hygiene is taken care of.
  • Clean up your diet.
  • Treat any skin problems you may have (example: acne.)

Positive Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

Becoming the sexiest version of yourself is only half the battle when it comes to taking a positive step towards getting your ex back. In fact, you could make the argument that the mental side of things during the no contact period is even more important than the physical side. First off, let me define what I am going to include in this section. Obviously the positive mental changes is going to cover mental aspects but it will also help you understand the importance of not falling off the map socially. Lets take a look at what some of the most important mental changes you can make are:

  • Prepare yourself for the fact that there is no guarantee that you will be getting your ex back.
  • Do some brainstorming and determine what the real reason of your breakup with your ex was.
  • Keep your friends close and confide in them. They are there to listen.
  • If your friends are going out or you are invited out, GO!
  • Don’t be afraid to go on a date with someone new if you really want to. It’s ok, this can actually help you get your ex boyfriend back.

Why The No Contact Rule Works

no-talking

In this section we are going to study some of the major benefits to implementing a NC rule immediately after your breakup. Hopefully this section will make you realize the true importance of not talking to your ex for 30 days. By now you should realize that the NC rule is important even if you aren’t trying to get your ex back because it will force you to focus on the most important thing, YOU!

Right now you are crazy. Immediately after a breakup is when you are at your most… “emotional” state. Taking a break from your ex for a minimum of 30 days will give you time to calm down and think more rationally. Not only this but it will give your ex some time to calm down as well. Nothing is going to get accomplished if the both of you are constantly a word away from getting into an argument.

It’s a psychological tactic to getting your ex back if you want. Think of it this way, by ignoring your ex they are going to begin to wonder why he/she isn’t begging me to take them back. It’s interesting, because it allows you to essentially turn the tables on them and gain control over the situation.

Instead of focusing on fighting with your ex you can focus on healing. The no contact rule isn’t just a psychological tactic to getting your ex back it is also a way to ensure that you have time to properly heal. breakup up sucks no if’s, and’s or buts about it. With a month of free time away from your ex you can really get a lot done in the healing department.

Prevents the infamous on again-off again relationship. I am sure you have met one of these types of couples that break up every few months only to get back together again after a few weeks. Healthy relationships are not built on a shaky foundation. They are built by strong ones and the no contact period allows you the proper amount of time to start building that strong foundation again.

You might learn after some soul searching that you don’t want to get back with this person again. This happens a lot more than you realize. Someone who feels so strongly about their ex goes on the 30 day freeze out period and after the 30 days are up they realize that they have no desire to get back with this person again.

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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2,813 Responses to The No Contact Rule
  1. R
    July 25, 2014 | 4:59 am

    Hi Chris,
    I posted previously, but I didn’t get a response, could you please take a look and give me some suggestions when you have time? After I broke up with my boyfriend, I did the 30 days no contact period, and my ex did not contact me during the 30 days period. The first text I sent him was some variation of asking him to help me with luggage at airport. He did not reply to that text, but he used to reply me most of the times after we broke up(before I start the no contact). When should I contact him again? The next text I send him should be some variation of remembering the good times? Thank you

  2. Michelle
    July 24, 2014 | 11:36 pm

    I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now. Lately we have been getting into arguments because he has no time for me. I have asked him if he wanted us to be done and he told me no he loves me and wants a future with me. I have started NO CONTACT and I am on Day #5 and I have not heard from him. Will NO CONTACT RULE work in this case?

    • admin
      July 25, 2014 | 2:17 pm

      I wouldn’t do NC if you haven’t broken up.

  3. Victoria
    July 22, 2014 | 3:41 pm

    I am on day 4 of no contact, I was on day two 4 days ago until he wrote me saying how much he loves and misses me and hopes I know I’m the best thing in the world. I stupidly engaged and we then started having “sexy talk” it got interrupted when he was at work … He then wrote me hours later saying “I’m so sorry a client came into the office at the worst time. I want you so bad. The fantasies I have about you my angel are so strong.” I responded “tell me tell me!” Then nothing and we haven’t been talking and I’m just losing my mind but sticking to not talking. Am I doomed on getting him back? Last Monday I had told him I couldn’t talk to him anymore (he moved back to his country he’s from in Sourh America – he was living in LA and we were together 3 years) he told me when he moved back that I was the love of his life and all he wanted and that he was just going to sort out his visa and get back to the US but now there is no hope he’s coming back and we just grew apart. He texted me all day every day but never wanted to TALK on the phone. He said he needed to focus on work and getting his life together. Whenever we did talk he treated me like an inconvenience. When I expressed how hurt it made me he didn’t care. I eventually broke up with him. He sobbed and apologized for not being good to me … I stupidly gave him another chance but it just went back to him not giving a shit or talking to me …. Every weekend I wouldn’t hear from him, it hurt too much. Finally I ended it and said I cant talk anymore bc it’s too hard on me, his response was “but we’re in love and best friends, we don’t need to stop” I explained it was killing me and I had to have the chance to move on. He sobbed, I sobbed. By the next day we were talking but then he was responding less and less and said he was trying to help us not hurt anymore.

    It’s brutal though. I want him back. I’m scared to be alone. I wonder if he’ll ever come back to me. I don’t know what to do or how to move on…. We broke up bc we were just fighting too much and he didn’t want to talk as often as I did. Plus he’s so far from me and I can’t even visit him bc he lives in the most unsafe country. I’d be kidnapped in a second as an American tourist. He was kidnapped and is from there! Ugh. The pain is so awful and now I’m at the angry stage where I just want to yell and tell him I can’t believe he’s throwing away what we had and ask why he had to change. Also cannot bare the thought of him with someone else. How do I handle that? Every second I wonder if he’s sleeping with someone and it just kills me. I miss him and love him so much. I feel so completely alone. :(

    • Victoria
      July 22, 2014 | 3:49 pm

      Also let me just say, I did a lot of begging and crying to him right after our breakup bc he became so distant. I’m I screwed for doing such a stupid move?

    • admin
      July 24, 2014 | 2:01 pm

      I think its unhealthy of you to wonder about him sleeping around. You aren’t doing anything to benefit yourself.

      • victoria
        July 24, 2014 | 11:12 pm

        I broke down and tried contacting him Tuesday. He wouldn’t respond. He would sign online, read my messages and ignore them. I waited a couple hours and still nothing. I then wrote him again confused because we had talked just 4 days prior and everything was nice and he was saying we could talk whenever we wanted and were still in love and best friends.

        I waited hours and nothing … soon I started frantically contacting him and asking for a reason that he was ignoring me. Nothing.

        I felt out of control. I reached out to him today. Same thing.

        I just can’t understand why he would cut me off completely? I am absolutely devastated and consumed with regret but don’t know how to stop. Please write me something to help me. Why would a guy do this? We were totally loving. No contact was originally my idea and made him sob and say he wanted to still be in touch.

        I then remained in touch and we were nothing but sweet and loving. What the hell could make him just stop and not give a shit? I’m so depressed…

        • admin
          July 25, 2014 | 2:19 pm

          Just go into NC… Don’t break.

  4. Katlyn
    July 21, 2014 | 5:32 pm

    Sorry for my comment! But I need help immediately!
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now.
    He broke up with me on Thursday night after he had said something that hurt my feelings kinda. I just asked him to leave please. And he left. When he got home he texted me saying that we’ve both tried so much and it’s not working. And I asked him to come to my house the next day.
    So he came and just explained to me and I did the stupid thing ( cried and begged) for him to stay. And he just kept saying its time. But we can still do things together sometimes and he’ll be there for me and just held me while I cried. And so I just pulled my self together and opened the car door to get out and he started crying and I said “why are you crying now?” And he said “I don’t know I just didn’t” he never finished an I just got out of the car. And he texted me saying he’s sorry this happened. But he was time for him to go. And he just kept texting me.
    So yesterday he told me I think we need time apart then he’s like it was just time for me to go. And then he said ” just give it a few days or so and we’ll talk and see. So I started the NC and didn’t reply.
    Then he sent me another text a few hours later saying ” your gonna get to talk bad about me in like 10 minutes”
    I said what?
    He said ” I’m going to Chris and Savannah’s house, and I figured they would b talking bad about me to you”
    ( Chris is his brother, Samantha is my sister)
    They date too and love together it’s weird lol
    Anyways so I didn’t reply
    He text me again and said “they’re telling me about the trip they went on”
    I didn’t reply
    He text again and said ” I guess I’ll talk to you later”
    And I said “I’m just giving you the space you wanted?”
    He said ” I know I just thought you would respond, I’m going to bed now though.”
    I said goodbye.

    So my question is.. What the heck do I do? Is he playing mind games??
    We were very close and out of this past year we’ve seen each other like almost every day.

    • admin
      July 22, 2014 | 2:16 pm

      You shouldn’t have even responded….

      • Katlyn
        July 22, 2014 | 9:00 pm

        Ok I realize that. But now what do I do, do I just do no contact still? Is it ok for me to act like I’m better off without him?

    • Victoria
      July 22, 2014 | 3:43 pm

      You need to just stop contact. Nothing good will come from it sadly. I know how hard it is

  5. Marylen
    July 21, 2014 | 4:05 pm

    Hi,

    I am just wondering about starting a NC with my ex….well, I have a thousond of questions I’d like to ask, but since I guess it would be a kind of “too much to start with”;-), I’d just like to know: should I send to him a special message hinting or annoncing that I will cut the contact with him (I have been sending tons of messages to him in the last 10 days, since he told me he wants to cut the contact with me in order to forget me and try to start his own way)? Or I should just remain silent without any special message?

    Thanks!

    • admin
      July 22, 2014 | 2:11 pm

      Just remain silent without any special message.

      • Marylen
        July 22, 2014 | 4:14 pm

        Thanks!

        I just read the recommendation for a “classy” last message, which also seems OK to me.

        However tomorrow I’ll write more, have several doubts because of my situation being a little bit “specific” (I know I know, probably 95 our of 100 say that, haha).

        By the way, your website and you yourself (if Chris is = admin, of course), seem really amazing to me. I have been reading you for two hours now!;-)

        Since there is so much info for free in the web, please tell me if you do not mind: what is in your E-book that is not to be found in the web, so I might consider buying it? Asking this question from the point of view of a person who wants to recover her ex, though I am not sure to what extent I want him back…

        Well, thanks anyway, really fun to read you! And really convincing, too.

        Greetings from Spain.

  6. Rina
    July 20, 2014 | 9:21 pm

    Hey Chris! so I kind of broke the NC rule just a few minutes ago ^_^’ see… I called my ex roommate to see how she was doing and she put my ex boyfriend, Daron on the phone when I said I didn’t want to talk to him…. Anyway, he acted rather strange (not sure if this ties into if he still has feelings for me or not) First off, he asked how I was which shocked me, because like I’ve said before… Daron is NOT like that. Period. Then he said out of nowhere “ha. I’m enjoying the single life” (when we weren’t even talking about anything related to our relationship). Then I told him I was going to church with my friend Patrick on Sunday and he was like, “Patrick who?” and then he got mad and was like, “well I don’t care about your life so nevermind” (real wishy washy about it) then he pretended he was on the phone with this girl Alyssa for a minute (trying to make me jealous because he knew I knew he had a one night stand with her) … but I know it was just a rebound because Tammi (my ex roommate told me he didn’t like her at all because she shoots up heroin which i know is true) plus he got with her only 5 days after we broke up just because Tammi told him I liked this guy Leonard. For some reason I can kinda tell he’s thinking that our relationship was better that what theirs is >.>
    Anyway, does this mean I have to extend NC or… ? I was actually really calm and collected over the phone with him o.O Didn’t talk about the relationship, didn’t get obsessive, or crazy or anything…
    So do I extend NC? And my other question is… Does it seem like he still has feelings for me by what I just told you? o.O

    • admin
      July 21, 2014 | 4:13 pm

      Sounds like he is trying to overcompensate…

      No just go back into NC.

      • Rina
        July 22, 2014 | 12:02 am

        Make amends for how he treated me in our relationship?? orrr… for breaking up with me? Or something else…? obviously you probably wouldn’t know the answer because you know neither of us personally ^_^’ so I’ll just asume it’s both those things… why would he feel bad for breaking up with me though? Because he really wanted to be with me in his heart but he knew logically that we just didn’t fit together? o.O

  7. Erin s
    July 14, 2014 | 1:00 pm

    I can’t do this. Please help I smacked my ex. I sent an email about the whole scenario but I was drunk and jealous and after a while of drinking more on my own he came over and I smacked him. I never hit. Now he dumped me of course and says he used to love me (until I hit him) and we argued too much anyway. . We did argue but we always made up within minutes of an argument. It’s been 3 days since breakup and I made it one day with no contact and barely that because at the end of the night he texted me to get stuff back and I began a convo about that, that ended in “have you thought about us?” I so hurt and I feel nuts.

  8. Erin s
    July 14, 2014 | 12:53 pm

    I don’t do this. Please help. I smacked my ex

  9. leighanne
    July 10, 2014 | 3:30 pm

    What do I do if we work together. We in the same building. How will the no contact rule ever work

    • admin
      July 11, 2014 | 1:51 pm

      Looks like you are going to have to try something like limited contact.

  10. Melissa
    July 10, 2014 | 12:14 am

    So I have been with my high school sweetheart for four years. We met in our Junior and Senior year in gym class. In about two months of our friendship he asked me out to be his girlfriend, over text. I got SO excited because not only he is my first boyfriend, but in love with this man. Everything was going great. Until I started getting very clingy towards him and texted him non-stop, he was fed up with it. I made promises that I didn’t keep since I was immature. I said I will change but never did and broke my saying. Couple of weeks ago we got in a huge argument and it lead to him not wanting to see me for a while. I was loosing all control and started to look for him so I can talk it out with him. I am a bad listener, which I am working on. I tried to show up every where he was just so I can talk to him. He was fed up when I showed up outside of his job and it lead him driving away and me trying to call him like crazy. And couple of hours passed by…..he broke up with me :( He said he lost all feelings for me and wasn’t in love with me anymore. So I was doing the NC for about 4 days. And I ruined it and just tried to open a casual conversation. No begging, no neediness, just a simple “Hey how are you doing?” and the message was kinda long. But I never sent out another message since I know it was wrong and now I basically have to start over the NC again. Before I would send out another message, and another message, but I told myself that I’ll change and not sound needy so I didn’t text him. He says he will always care about me and never wants to hurt me ever again. I asked him that if change my behavior without you around me, can we start all over and slowly be friends again and take it day by day. And he says “We will see, in the meantime I want to be alone.” And I also asked, “Can we still workout together when you’re ready?” And he goes, “Yea, when things cool down we can do it as friends, but carefully. I don’t want you to think we are together and me lead you on.” But deep down I am going to be the new Melissa when we are ready to see each other. As in be all prettied out. Get a hair-cut, get my teeth whitened, and wear his favorite perfume. I have things to change and he does too. I am doing this so I can get my true love back and know that I am the one for him. Again, I am not going to talk to him anymore until he talks to me. Which I hope it is soon since my birthday is next week and he says he might spend time with me. I just want to show him how I changed and want to start fresh. Know that I have matured and just taking it day by day to have some confidence and happiness so he can be attracted to me again just like four years ago. Just be a new girl towards him and have him head over heels for me. I don’t want to lose this man. This breakup was a huge wake up call for me. I should’ve changed when I said so. And I want for him to fall in love with me again with the new me. And before you comment on this, please don’t say move on, because he didn’t say that and I am following what my heart wants. And my heart wants this man. Even if he did break my heart. He did it for a good reason, for me to change and be independent and I want him to see that. And forever he will care my heart and I will carry his.

    • admin
      July 10, 2014 | 2:29 pm

      I like your plan!

      Melissa 2.0

  11. dee dee
    July 7, 2014 | 9:48 pm

    Hi cris
    Ive been with my boyfriend for 2years now and we were good friends for about 4 months before we started dating I love him truely but we always make up and brake up and generally it was always me chasing him but lately I do not call him or tx for days our only arguement is because of his baby mother cause she doesn’t know about me still cause his affraid his not gona be able to see his child and I get very frustrated when he goes down to see them I dont want to loose him and when I say enough to leave I cant cope with out him we recently broke up for 3weeks and he done the approaching and then we got sexual the same night do you think I done right??? Plssss help meeeee :(

    • admin
      July 8, 2014 | 2:14 pm

      I don’t think its a good idea to sleep with your ex unless you are back together…

  12. Jackie
    July 7, 2014 | 8:21 pm

    I found out that my boyfriend of almost 6yrs cheated on me. For the past year we have had a really great relationship, there were some ups and downs but also a lot of happiness and love. He had recently been lying to me a lot and we had a serious talk about no more lies and weeks later he goes to Brazil with his buddies where they all ended up going to a brothel and having sex with women. I found out from his texts where he was bragging to one of his friends about it, his words were “you know I love my girl but this was a once in a lifetime experience” his friend asked if he was going back to the brothel again and he said nope. Before I knew that he had cheated on me, I asked him if he hooked up with anyone while he was there and he flat out lied to me. Once I had found the proof I confronted him and he admitted everything and told me that he wanted to eventually tell me the truth and he didn’t because he was too scared to loose me. While he was away he kept texting me and calling me about how much he missed me and loved me and how there was no other girl in the world for him, he either was clearly feeling really guilty or he just got a taste of something else and realized that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. I broke up with him right away and told him that this was the end of us forever and gave all his stuff back, including some of the gifts he got me in brazil. I’m pretty certain he thinks I am never going to take him back. He broke down and told me that he’s nothing without me and he can’t live without me. After I left he texted me saying that in his soul this is not who he is and all he can and will do is prove me wrong. After starting your 30day no contact and taking some time to think about it I do want him back, were both only 23 and have been together forever, so in a way I can understand him wanting to know what sex is like with someone else. I cheated on him once before with an ex but I came clean about it to him. He however, lied to me about this and I need to figure out how to take him back in a way so that he NEVER lies to me again. How do you think I should handle this? I am worried that the 30day no contact won’t work in my particular case because he believes there is no possibility of me ever taking him back.

    • admin
      July 8, 2014 | 2:08 pm

      Are you sure you want him back? Can you really forgive him for cheating or do you think youd hold that against him for the rest of your relationship? Was it a one time deal? If it is can you be certain he is telling the truth about it being just this one time?

      • Jackie
        July 8, 2014 | 7:42 pm

        Yes I want him back, this was a one time deal and it seemed to be purely about sex he has never cheated on me emotionally with anyone. I wouldn’t hold it against him forever but it would take some time to fully recover. I once cheated on him before emotionally and physically and he forgave me, I would never do it again and I think he deserves the same chance. Normally after we get in a fight I receive flowers or some kind of peace offering but I haven’t this time, I don’t think that’s because he cares any less I just think he has given up all hope on us getting back together because I made it clear from the beginning that it was over forever. It’s been about 2 weeks since we broke up and I feel like I need to give him some kind of hint that he needs to work to get me back. What should I do?

        • admin
          July 9, 2014 | 2:17 pm

          Are you sure he forgave you for the cheating?

          • Jackie
            July 11, 2014 | 4:35 pm

            Yes i’m sure, it was many years ago.

  13. Kara
    July 6, 2014 | 12:52 am

    I made it through NC. On day 34 of NC, just as I was composing the perfect text to send to him, HE reached out and texted ME. He said that he loves me. That he misses US and the happy times. He said that he wishes things were different between us. I paced myself well for a few days and we had a good back and forth going (he texted, I texted, he texted, I texted). It was light, upbeat, and friendly. Then, I must have gotten fearful/anxious, etc. I started asking about our relationship, about getting back together. When he wouldn’t respond, I’d get upset and text him even more. He started pulling away more and more, and the more he retreated, the more I pushed back at him and pressed him even harder. I sent text after text. I called him like 5 times in a row. Chris, I feel like I ruined it, by making all the classic mistakes…after I had done so well in NC and even with the first few days after NC. But now it feels like I blew it. What do I do now???

  14. Chelsea
    June 30, 2014 | 3:16 pm

    Me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago after 10 years of dating. We met at a very young age and had 2 breakup periods of 4 months each during the 10 years. The causes being my mistakes, always leaving me begging for him back.

    This time we broke up because he just said he was done. Hes a very angry person and is dealing with this by trying to hold onto anger. Today is day 5 of no contact.

    I have no tried to beg for him back like i have done in the past as it only gets him more angry. I had told him that this breakup is not what i wanted and that i truely felt we would be together in the future. This was when we said our final goodbyes last monday and he gave me my cats. He cried alot so i know he still cares about me

    Im extremly heart broken. Cant sleep, cant breathe feel like my throat is in my stomache with a swarm of butterflies.

    Any suggestions? I truely love him and want to be with him but i know he needs to come to the realization himself.

    </3

    • admin
      July 3, 2014 | 12:38 am

      Well, why don’t you try out the no contact rule like this page suggests.

  15. Hannah
    June 29, 2014 | 1:49 am

    Is it ever too late to start this process of getting your ex back and starting the no contact rule?

    My ex broke up with me about 2 months ago, We dated a for a year. I did not cry and beg for him back or make myself look desperate. However I have made mistakes, we have hung out several times since and I have talked about wanting to get back together. We’ve also hooked up almost every time we hang out but he always initiates it. We are on pretty good terms but I’m worried I’ve messed up my chances because I didn’t do the no contact rule right away. Should I start now? He also goes back to college in the fall so I’m pretty limited on time to get him back! Is a month of no contact too long?

    • Chelsea
      June 30, 2014 | 3:20 pm

      I am in no way an expert on this but I think you definietly need to not answer his messages. As much as it hurts and you want to, just keep thinking that you need to hold the power in this situation.

      If you keep allowing him to come and go freely as he wants, he has no reason to commit to you as his already getting everything he wants in your current situation…

      Thats just my advice. Hold your dignity and strength and dont let boys take advantage of you

  16. JC
    June 27, 2014 | 1:09 am

    I’m on 32 days of NC. My ex has not tried to contact me at all during this time. Chris, my belief is that my ex still loves and misses me very much…but is just “done” and has given up on any hope at reconciliation. I think he feels he has tried all he can do to salvage this, and that “switch” has flipped inside of him, and he has made the decision to move forward–despite how much he deeply cares for me. So, my question is–if this is true, do I risk reaching out to him or would it be better to wait it out to see if he comes back to me. If not, maybe I should move on myself? This is killing me.

    • admin
      June 29, 2014 | 4:50 pm

      What caused him to come to the conclusion that you two are “done?”

      • JC
        June 30, 2014 | 12:15 am

        In short, anger issues (on my part). I used him as the outlet for my anger and stress, and he just got to the point where he couldn’t take it anymore. Chris, I’ve been working hard on myself these past 35 days of NC. I’m in counseling now. I’m working with a therapist. But these changes won’t happen overnight. In my situation, would you suggest extending it to a 60 day NC?? He’s not seeing anyone. He still really loves me. He just couldn’t take the anger from me anymore. Thoughts?

  17. John
    June 26, 2014 | 11:08 pm

    Ok so.

    Me and my girlfriend split up 2 weeks ago (on a tuesday). I broke the no contact rule the following sunday, and then again the saturday after that (so roughly 5 days ago). My question is, how does the no contact rule work if we have the same hobby? Our hobby is what brought us together and we spend a lot of time doing it and have an enormous group of friends that do the samething. So when I go to do my hobby, she will be there aswell a long with all of our friends. Yesterday I went and did my hobby to get out and see my friends and she was there. We didnt talk or even acknowledge each other. While I am purposely going to where she is, I am not purposely going for her. Does this count as breaking the rule?

    • admin
      June 29, 2014 | 4:39 pm

      Let me refer you to my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

  18. Monica
    June 26, 2014 | 5:32 pm

    Hi Chris,
    So I’m in a tough situation. Me and my ex were together for 7 years and have been broken up for about 8 months now and he is now currently dating someone for almost 2 months now. He has admit to me that he misses me everyday and that he thinks about me all the time and still continues to dream about me. I’ll also admit that it’s always me going to him. But he did open up to me few days ago. He tells me that he doesn’t feel like things would work out between us but yet when we hangout it’s as if we are best friends and we have the time of our lives together. I feel he says these things because it’s what he wants to believe since he is in a new relationship. He doesn’t tell his new gf that me and him talk and the times we have hung out he doesn’t tell her anything as well. But I strongly feel that there is something still there. And I know he feels it too and I just want my soul mate back and I just don’t know how to do it. He came to my house the other day and we were just hanging out with my family and it was as if me and him never ended. Iv made big changes in my life cause I know I was the cause of this breakup and I messed up a lot but I am a completely different person now and he sees that and he still tells me how proud he is to see the person Iv changed to be. I just don’t know why he’s so hesitant to give me a chance when I can see he wants too. I’m just starting to think that he’s afraid that I’m going to go back to my old ways. Help me ):

    • admin
      June 29, 2014 | 4:31 pm

      Dating the new girl for 2 months.

      Ok, how fast did he start dating this girl after you broke up?

  19. Jennifer
    June 26, 2014 | 2:02 am

    I was doing NC and my ex (who has a girl who he got a two weeks after our break up its long distance never met before) contacts me on day 15 , i didnt respond and decided to go with 21 days instead of 30 .. we texted 2 days in a row good and positive conversations and we even decided to meet up this Saturday and he decided to block me yesterday and didnt respond to my “hope your having a good text” and my “goodnight text” im really confused since everything seemed fine the two days before… my friend said he posted a status saying “Damn , been thinking about more then before all day now-feeling incomplete” ..should i message him Saturday asking about our plans or do NC again ?

    • admin
      June 26, 2014 | 3:33 pm

      Wait, you have never met your ex before or the girl he is dating hasn’t?

      • Jennifer
        June 26, 2014 | 3:59 pm

        The girl hes dating

      • Jennifer
        June 26, 2014 | 4:33 pm

        Should I do NC again ?

        • admin
          June 29, 2014 | 4:28 pm

          Yes!

  20. Rawan
    June 25, 2014 | 6:08 pm

    Hi Chris,
    When you have time, can you take a look at my question and give me some suggestions? I met my boyfriend online, and we broke up around 3 weeks ago. He told me that he likes me a lot, and he’s physically attracted to me, and there was some chemistry in the beginning(that made him kiss me), but that chemistry never got developed properly, and now he doesn’t feel the chemistry/connection anymore. He said he doesn’t like me in a romantic way. We agreed to be friends for now the last time I spoke to him. I’ve been using no contact for 1 week now, and so far he has not contacted me. We’ve been together for 1 month, I know it’s short, but I really like him. We kissed, but we did not have sex yet. In my situation, do you think there’s any chance that I can get him back? Also, if he says there’s no chemistry, why did he still kiss me and do all the intimate stuff when he was with me? Thank you so much for your help.

    • admin
      June 26, 2014 | 3:19 pm

      Was it a long distance relationship?

      • R
        June 26, 2014 | 9:16 pm

        We live kind of far from each other, almost an hour by car, so we meet only once per week, eg, during weekends. Do you think there’s any chance in getting him back in my situation? Thank you.

        • admin
          June 29, 2014 | 4:36 pm

          I think there is. BUT it seems like the distance has been very tough on you two. Is there ever a scenario where you two would be closer to one another?

          • R
            June 29, 2014 | 9:35 pm

            No, since we met, we have been living far from each other. I have been doing no contact rule for almost 2 weeks now, and so far he has not contacted me. Should I just keep doing no contact for 30 days, then contact him afterwards(if he did not contact me)? Thank you.

            • admin
              June 30, 2014 | 2:40 pm

              Yes keep finishing out the NC rule.

              • R
                July 1, 2014 | 4:05 am

                If my ex-boyfriend’s birthday is after the 30 days no contact period, is it ok to send him a simple happy birthday text?

                • admin
                  July 3, 2014 | 12:53 am

                  Nope.

                  • R
                    July 12, 2014 | 12:39 am

                    After I finish the no contact period, what do you think about asking my exboyfriend for help(eg, go to airport and help me with luggage)? Is this good/bad idea? Thank you.

                    • admin
                      July 14, 2014 | 2:56 pm

                      Not a big fan of that bc it seems like its too quick too soon. Your not building any attraction.

                    • R
                      July 19, 2014 | 7:07 pm

                      Hi Chris,
                      I finished the 30 days no contact period. I then contacted my exboyfriend to ask him if he can help me with my luggage at airport(I know it’s stupid mistake). I was thinking most likely he will say no, but I was still hoping for that small chance he might say yes. Anyways, my exboyfriend did not reply to my text asking for help. After we broke up, before I started no contact period, most of the times he would respond to me, even talking on phone with me. I feel kind of hurt that he did not even reply(if he can’t help, i thought at least he can send me a quick text telling me). What should I do now to fix the situation? Do you think there’s still a chance of getting him back? Thank you

                    • admin
                      July 21, 2014 | 4:01 pm

                      Yes not the right move.

                      Did you read my guide on texting?

                    • R
                      July 22, 2014 | 3:52 am

                      So when should I contact him again? Yes, I read your guide, so the next text I send him should be some variation of remembering the good times? Thank you.

                    • R
                      July 23, 2014 | 4:10 am

                      So when should I contact him again? The next text I sent him should be some variation of remembering the good times? Thank you

  21. Ruby
    June 24, 2014 | 10:15 pm

    Hello Chris,

    Please, please reply because I am a total emotional wreck these days. My boyfriend and I were together for 10 months (We are long distance) and he was a pretty shy guy and an introvert so would not always express his feelings openly but whenever I said I loved him, he said he loved me too. We got very, very close and even got shared very intimate pictures and he never ran away still said he loved me and talked to me for hours and hours but since the last two months, he started pulling away and would tell me “I was sleepy, tired, busy”. Wouldn’t come online very often. And this became a pattern and then he started ignoring me a lot. I got worried and asked if he is annoyed by my presence, he said no (said I told you before too).

    After that conversation, he stopped all contacts with me. But I saw him acting very normal and was posting on Twitter and FB as usual but never talked to me although he knew I was hurt. So I ended up calling his best friend (he is our mutual friend) and cried on the phone. Now this guy told my bf about me being crying but he kept quiet and changed the topic.

    Ever since the last conversation, I haven’t spoken a word to him, nor posted any emo statuses or tweets but n now I am wondering if I should delete him off facebook? It’s been two weeks since my NC started. My friends keep telling me to call it quits and delete him from FB. I am in a fix

    • admin
      June 25, 2014 | 5:14 pm

      Did you ever meet him in person?

      • Ruby
        July 2, 2014 | 5:47 pm

        Yes we met online, but then we dated twice when he came to my city. After a month, he moved back to another country. Since then, we had been constantly in touch with each other and the relationship was even more intense after we met.
        Well, out of frustration I deleted him off facebook but not off my Twitter and we both see each other’s tweets but we never talk to each other. Also, I saw he retweeted some subliminal but not sure if they were for me or not. It’s been 25 days and still no contact at all. Actually we never fought or anything just stopped talking because he was tooooo distant. Today I asked his frined to ask him why he fought with me, he said “we never fought. Just been out of contact with her since a long time.” That’s it. I see he doesn’t care at all. What if he thinks I dumped him because I deleted him off FB. But honestly, he never tried contacting me, neither I contacted him at all.
        Should I lose all hope? :(

        • admin
          July 3, 2014 | 1:04 am

          When you say dated twice do you mean you saw each other twice on two dates?

          • Ruby
            July 4, 2014 | 11:38 pm

            Well we have been on contact via phone when he came here, and he had asked me out before he came here so mostly we were in touch through phone. When he came here, we went on a date twice. Should I continue my NC or just forget about him? :( he was overall a very nice person and don’t want to lose him. Worst of all, we never actually got into a fight or anything but communication just stopped. I read that some men pull away and then come back, however, this doesn’t seem to be the case here. Please suggest something?

  22. SaladeMeow
    June 21, 2014 | 6:45 pm

    Hi Chris, I just want to know that I’m on the right track! I started NC with my ex 3 weeks ago today. He sent me 2 pictures and then on day 19 texted “Hey what’s up” to which I, of course, didn’t reply.

    TOday I got a text from one of his friends saying that my ex was quote “sad” that I didn’t answer and he was “just trying to be nice and see how you are”.

    Now based on all the articles that I read on your site, this means that I am headed in the right direction… If he’s sad it means I have him by the emotional man parts, right? So I should just continue NC until after day 30 (if I choose to contact him) or until he starts being a text gnat himself, in which case I know that he is very invested.

    Soooo basically I just want to confirm that, in a guy’s opinion (yours) these are “good” signs and I am headed in the right direction?

    Thanks!

  23. ShineyLady
    June 20, 2014 | 9:09 pm

    Opinions on n/c lasting over 6 months? Does it mean it’s officially “over?”

  24. Sarah
    June 20, 2014 | 8:53 pm

    Hi Chris,

    my situation is a bit different but I hope you can give me a man’s perspective on how to handle it. I broke up with my ex ten months ago. In that time he has “chased” me and pleaded with me (through calls and emails then just emails cause I changed my number) to come beg to him. During that time I did not see him once though I did repsond to his emails a few times, usually in a mean way or with demands on what he would have to do to for me to come back (note: I broke up with him mainly cause I didn’t want to move over seas with him and cuase he was a bit controlling at times).

    Anyway…in the past month he has emailed me non-stop begging me to come back, and three days ago I called him and rudely told him I would come back (because I do love and miss him) only if he did certain things. But I said it in a very rude and demeaning way. He told me that he suspects I am playing with him and that I am too mean and that he no longer wants me back, that he is done.

    Since then, I have suddenly been obsessed with getting him back. I know why, it’s because he turned the tables and got the contol back. NOW, I have emailed him three times and called a few times and he wont answer or reply. MY QUESTION IS: would no contact work in this situation (where you want someone back that you originally dumped) and is it too late to apply NO CONTACT since I already emailed and called for a few days?

    What can I do to get a guy back that I dumped and treated bad to the point that he stopped trying to get me back?

    Thanks!

    • Sarah
      June 20, 2014 | 9:01 pm

      ps: I want to add that I know it is possible that perhaps he never really wanted me back and that he tried to get me back for ten months just so that he could then be the one to walk away. Maybe cause his ego was hurt,etc. Is this possible? Could an alpha male type man pursue you for ten long months after you dump him just so he can turn the tables?

      If so, is it better to simply walk away and not initiate NO CONTACT?

  25. Paolo
    June 20, 2014 | 3:30 pm

    if the relation was 5 months how long is the NC rule?

  26. ruchi
    June 20, 2014 | 12:19 pm

    This is day 4 of my nc. I feel the constant need to contact him what should I do

    • Zahra
      June 24, 2014 | 9:41 pm

      Keep it up! I’m in NC for 12 days now, it’s still hard to not contact him, but it’s better to not focus on him but on yourself. NC gives you (and him) the time to think and clear your mind. Go out with friends, go exercising, do some yoga or any other hobbies. Stick to the 30 days rule (minimum) and if you ever feel (after those days) to contact him, think wisely and then choose. And keep in mind: it’s his loss more than yours. Be confident!

      *Sorry for any grammar errors, it’s not my native language*

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