The No Contact Rule

Will the No Contact Rule Work for You?

The one question we get more than any other is Will the No Contact Rule Work For My Situation?

I can’t read through and answer each question individually (because I literally get hundreds, sometimes thousands of emails per day), but what I did do is built an awesome calculator that I use myself to determine the impact of the No Contact Rule on almost any situation.

It takes about 4 minutes, and will go through 1) Details About You, 2) Details About Your Ex Boyfriend, and 3) The External Factors Involved in your breakup, and will calculate the actual chances that using the No Contact Rule will be effective in your situation.

Kind of like personalized advise from me for free 🙂

Take 5 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Now!

The no contact rule isn’t really a complicated concept to grasp. You basically cut off all communication with your ex for a certain amount of time. Generally, the no contact rule occurs after a breakup. Yet, it’s amazing how many people have trouble doing this correctly. Thus, this page is meant to teach you how to successfully implement the no contact rule so you can put yourself in the best position to get your ex back.

(Disclaimer- I realize that this website is meant mostly for women who are trying to get their exes back. However, this particular page deals with a universal subject that can be used by both men and women. So, if you are trying to get an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back then you came to the right place.)

LET’S CUT TO THE CHASE CAN YOU GET YOUR EX BACK WITH THE NC RULE?

It is very possible. That is why you are here right, to get your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend) back? Here is the deal though, I realize that over time I have become the no contact  guy since I am such a huge advocate for it. But no matter what I tell you in this article I know that there will be a certain percentage of you who struggle.

That’s why I want to introduce you to one of the best resources you can find online,

The No Contact Rule Book

You like Harry Potter, right?

Well, I wrote a book that is almost as long as the very first Harry Potter book and it talks about the no contact rule exclusively.

It answers all the hard questions.

It tells you when you can break it

IF you can break it

How to handle it if you work with an ex

Oh, and the GOLDEN exception.

I’ll leave that one for the book to explain. Anyways, if you are interested in diving deep and learning everything there is to know about the no contact rule I suggest you check out this book immediately,

The No Contact Rule Book

1 - What is the No Contact Rule?

As stated above, it is basically an agreement with yourself that you are going to cut your ex out of your life for a certain period of time. Let me put this in terms that you will hopefully make things clearer:

Doing The Following Things Are NOT Allowed

  • Calling your ex on your phone.
  • Texting your ex.
  • Hanging out with them.
  • Emailing them.
  • Leaving your ex notes.
  • Bumping into them on purpose.

2 - How Long to Keep No Contact Going?

30-days

Believe it or not but a lot of experts debate on this subject. Some will swear that 60 days (or two months) of not contacting an ex is optimal. Others claim that 90 days (or three months) is the way to go. I personally don’t agree with either of those assessments but then again each broken relationship is different and will require unique individual time frames. With that being said I believe that a minimum of 30 days is the way to go. This amount of time will give you and your ex enough breathing room to calm down and look at the situation more rationally.

Again, I cover this extensively in my book, The No Contact Rule Book. So if you want a much clearer picture of how this all works I recommend you check that out.

3 - Situations Where It Is Impossible to Avoid Contact

no eye contact

There will be certain situations where it will be impossible to ignore your ex. Remember, your goal with a no contact period is not to become a jerk so there is no reason to use it that way. If you find yourself in these situations and ONLY IN THESE SITUATIONS you can break your no contact agreement but there is a certain way you have to act.

Situation 1- If you have kids with the person. No contact in this case can be tricky. Your goal is to remain calm, civil and pleasant during any interactions with your ex. However, keep any talking simple and short. If you immediately cave and start talking about your feelings not only will you turn the person completely off but having a feelings  conversation in front of your kids probably isn’t the best venue. After your interaction go straight back into no contact mode. This means no calling, texting or facebooking them.

Situation 2- If you live with this person even after the breakup. No doubt it can be really tricky to no contact  a person when they are literally living with you. While this situation may suck it certainly isn’t impossible to cut off a significant portion of your contact with them. Your goal in this case is to be a very respectful roommate. However, you also need to remember that you are creating a new life of which they are separate from (or you need to appear to be creating one.) Again, keep any conversation simple, short and pleasant.

Situation 3- This one isn’t really like the other situations. Your ex may call you or show up on your doorstep wanting to collect their belongings. If this happens don’t be a jerk and prevent them from getting their stuff. You should know the drill, keep any conversation short and simple. If they try to talk about your relationship don’t get baited into doing so.

4 - I Broke the No Contact Rule... What Now?


rule

So, we have already established that in order to do a NC (No Contact Rule) correctly you are going to have essentially cut your ex out of your life for a minimum of 30 days. Now, a lot of you may be thinking that doing that is a piece of cake. If so, then you would be dead wrong. You’d be surprised at the amount of people who break on the first day. It can be especially hard when your heart is begging you to just pick up the phone and type a simple text message to your ex. Unfortunately, by breaking NC you are losing power and control over your relationship which at this stage is a very bad thing.

Besides, breaking the NC means you have to start over from day one. For example, lets just say that you advanced 15 days without even initiating contact with your ex (he/she may have contacted you but we will talk about that later on this page.) However, on day 16 you cave and contact them. Well, by doing this you are going to have to start your NC period over again FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. In order for this process to work you need to prove that you can go 30 full days without relying on your ex for a conversation.

A STRESSFUL CHOICE

You may find that as you embark on this essential 30 day freeze out from your ex that they may try to initiate contact with you. If this happens I guarantee you that you are going to want to talk to them. Maybe they call you. Maybe they send you that simple one word text hey.  Whatever happensDO NOT CAVE IN if this contact comes before the allotted 30 days. Even then though, you can’t begin to think about talking to your ex until you complete some of the other things outlined on this page which leads us to our next section

Will the No Contact Rule Work for You?

The one question we get more than any other is Will the No Contact Rule Work For My Situation?

I can’t read through and answer each question individually (because I literally get hundreds, sometimes thousands of emails per day), but what I did do is built an awesome calculator that I use myself to determine the impact of the No Contact Rule on almost any situation.

It takes about 4 minutes, and will go through 1) Details About You, 2) Details About Your Ex Boyfriend, and 3) The External Factors Involved in your breakup, and will calculate the actual chances that using the No Contact Rule will be effective in your situation.

Kind of like personalized advise from me for free 🙂

Take 5 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Now!

5 - What to Do During the Time Period

choices

You didn’t think you were just going to sit around on the couch all day catching up on re-runs of Friends during this time did you? No, I am very big into remaining active and so should you. This is a perfect time to improve yourself which is exactly what you are going to be doing during this time. You are going to become the best version of yourself mentally and physically! But first I feel compelled to mention:

Behaviors To Avoid

  • Staying at home all day or refusing to go out.
  • Drinking too much alcohol.
  • Sleeping all day long.
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about your breakup.
  • Making major life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work.

(The rest of the behaviors can be found in this book.)

The smartest thing that you can do during NC is to improve yourself both mentally and physically. Lets start by taking a look at how you can improve yourself physically.

Positive Physical Changes

change your appearance

Break-ups can happen for many different reasons. However, if you know for a fact that your ex became less attracted to you over the course of your relationship you can work to change that. When talking about physical changes during the NC period you should aim to become the sexiest version of yourself. For example, if you let yourself go a little bit during the relationship then it would be wise to use your time getting in better physical shape. Not only are the health benefits immense to getting in good shape but it can legitimately be a step in the right direction to getting an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back. Lets take a look at more positive physical changes you can make in your life:

  • Lose weight (if you are overweight.)
  • Quit smoking (especially if your ex significant other had a problem with this.)
  • Update your wardrobe.
  • Get a new haircut.
  • Be sure that your hygiene is taken care of.
  • Clean up your diet.
  • Treat any skin problems you may have (example: acne.)

(More chances can be found in this book.)

Positive Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

Becoming the sexiest version of yourself is only half the battle when it comes to taking a positive step towards getting your ex back. In fact, you could make the argument that the mental side of things during the no contact period is even more important than the physical side. First off, let me define what I am going to include in this section. Obviously the positive mental changes is going to cover mental aspects but it will also help you understand the importance of not falling off the map socially. Lets take a look at what some of the most important mental changes you can make are:

  • Prepare yourself for the fact that there is no guarantee that you will be getting your ex back.
  • Do some brainstorming and determine what the real reason of your breakup with your ex was.
  • Keep your friends close and confide in them. They are there to listen.
  • If your friends are going out or you are invited out, GO!
  • Don’t be afraid to go on a date with someone new if you really want to. It’s ok, this can actually help you get your ex boyfriend back.

(More chances can be found in this book.)

6 - Why the No Contact Rule Works

no-talking

In this section we are going to study some of the major benefits to implementing a NC rule immediately after your breakup. Hopefully this section will make you realize the true importance of not talking to your ex for 30 days. By now you should realize that the NC rule is important even if you aren’t trying to get your ex back because it will force you to focus on the most important thing, YOU!

Right now you are crazy. Immediately after a breakup is when you are at your most emotional  state. Taking a break from your ex for a minimum of 30 days will give you time to calm down and think more rationally. Not only this but it will give your ex some time to calm down as well. Nothing is going to get accomplished if the both of you are constantly a word away from getting into an argument.

It’s a psychological tactic to getting your ex back if you want. Think of it this way, by ignoring your ex they are going to begin to wonder why he/she isn’t begging me to take them back. It’s interesting, because it allows you to essentially turn the tables on them and gain control over the situation.

Instead of focusing on fighting with your ex you can focus on healing. The no contact rule isn’t just a psychological tactic to getting your ex back it is also a way to ensure that you have time to properly heal. breakup up sucks no if’s, and’s or buts about it. With a month of free time away from your ex you can really get a lot done in the healing department.

Prevents the infamous on again-off again relationship. I am sure you have met one of these types of couples that break up every few months only to get back together again after a few weeks. Healthy relationships are not built on a shaky foundation. They are built by strong ones and the no contact period allows you the proper amount of time to start building that strong foundation again.

You might learn after some soul searching that you don’t want to get back with this person again.This happens a lot more than you realize. Someone who feels so strongly about their ex goes on the 30 day freeze out period and after the 30 days are up they realize that they have no desire to get back with this person again.

What Do You Think? (5,536)

  1. angel - 0

    angel

    my husband left me recently. we are newlyweds (3 mos married). he was in a depressive state and wasnt taking medication. i recently was reading about narcissist behavior and i think he may be one. he was perfect then wgen we got married he changed. im confused and want to know whats going to happen. should i use no contact with his state of mind?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Angel,

      When did he exactly leave and how long were you together before you married? Does he threaten you in any way? You need to consult a therapist in dealing with him, honestly, it’s hard to say what’s going to happen. But narcissists always put themselves first. They can make you feel what you want to feel but only for their satisfaction. No contact will not heal him, it can only help you be more rational.

  2. Kristyna - 0

    Kristyna

    I tried the NC and I felt like it went quite well. During the NC we only communicated about our son. However I hit a major road block during our NC. I was rediagnosed with an illness and was an able to be left alone and required around the clock supervision or to stay in a hospital. The second choice I wouldn’t be able to see my son often. So after being unable to find anyone to help me my ex moved in with us. I tried to continue the NC but it was useless when I couldn’t get up to go to the bathroom or even feed myself. I feel like being sick has sent us even further than were we had left things. Now that I’m able to a lone more often he is gone even when needed. In a few weeks we all move to the city he works in. We will live separately again. Him and his now girlfriend (he says friend) are moving in together. My question is, is it even worth trying the NC again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kristyna,

      so, I’m assuming you’re well now right? If not, I think it would be better if you hire a nurse. Nc is not just for trying to get an ex back but it can be a way for you to help yourself heal.

  3. LoveSpain2014 - 0

    LoveSpain2014

    So I began taking to a guy online back in July, at the time I was visiting home for a few weeks due to personal reasons but we began chatting and he seemed nice enough. When I returned to the city I have been living in the past year we continued talking and decided to meet up. We clicked instantly, we spent hours together until neither of us could keep our eyes open and then he walked me home. We met the next day and the next, each equally as great. He took me to places that meant a lot to him. Everything was going great and we saw each other every day for a week. Until then he got an interview for a job in a different city, which he then got. He was like it’s okay you can visit me etc.. and continued to contact me like normal. He returned from the city at the weekend to collect stuff and also visited me too and we had a great evening together. He said things to me like he’s so glad he met me, he likes everything about me bla bla.. anyway the next day he moved. I had asked him to let me know he got there ok because his car was doing some strange things but of course once he was settled and had been to work. I didn’t hear anything but I know he is often up late and was online so I messaged him and he was fine but I did say oh you didn’t let me know you got there… he apologised and said he was tired and lots of friends and family talking to him etc.. anyway a couple of days passed and we were chatting but I increasingly felt like it was me making the effort. When I asked he said it was ok but I could just sense something was wrong. Also I had seen that he had been active on dating sites recently, though he had moved and we weren’t at exclusive stage it bugged me he was on these but saying to me everything was ok, he liked me and wanted me to visit. So I deleted the sites to save my anxiety. So after a couple of days of feeling a bit rejected and crappy because I hadn’t heard from him I sent some casual messages to see how he was. He responded quickly… until I suggested meeting up to which he made an excuse. So then I thought ok he is clearly not interested but he’s a man he can just tell me right? So I ended up getting a bit annoyed and sending a message in short saying hey this is not cool… he replied a couple of days later (after leaving my WhatsApp unread and liking all my Instagram posts) Saying he likes me for sure but he’s under a lot of stress right now with moving etc and he just doesn’t have time to talk to me like he wants to bla bla, that he wants to see me etc…. I thought B******T! But sent a reply saying ‘ok that’s cool, well they say if you really want to see someone you will make time for them 🙂 Hope you are settling in well and hope to speak to you soon. I received no reply. So after reading this site I have gone no contact. The first few days were so hard, especially when he was posting up stories on Instagram that I wanted to look at. But despite a difficult few days it is going well. I’m on day 10 so far and although improving myself hasn’t gone too well because I have been ill the past few days I feel like it really has given me time to reflect. I am thinking less and less about this guy and feeling better about myself. I am a strong, confident, independent woman and I want to advise girls out there to keep going with no contact. And yes I started no contact initially with the idea of winning him back but it has actually given me some real reflection time and I now think that if I really have to go through this effort to win back a guy I like, is he really worth it? Girls, there is a guy out there who is worth it and they won’t make you go through this if they really care. I’m on my journey to feeling indifferent about this guy, I’m not there yet and I hope he doesn’t contact now because I could weaken but I’m definitely in a more positive mind set thanks to reading on this site. Prince Charming isn’t this one, but who’s to say he isn’t the next???

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi LoveSpain2014,

      That’s a good mindset.. If he messages you, remind yourself why you’re doing no contact and how far you’ve achieved.

  4. Stephani - 0

    Stephani

    So here is the thing me and my bf broke up we got into fights . He block me from facebook it past 4 days and i texted him saying how he was and said he was good and it was a good conversation. And then i told him if he was going to unblock me since i wont have a way to text him back since i wont pay my phone and i told him to unblock from facebook since we can talk in their by just going to the library well he said he doesnt know how to unblock so i told him to get help on how to unblock someone from facebook he said ok but i have log in to facebook and still no friend request my question is will he unblock me someday just like he said

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Stephani,

      if he’s talking to you in some other way, then he might get lazy with unblocking you because there’s no need at the moment

  5. Abbey - 0

    Abbey

    Hi I’m currently on day 28 of NC. My ex has not contacted me over this time online or over text but we do see each other very often at school and have had to socialize at times. What do I say to him when I talk to him in the next two days? I’m not entirely sure if I want to get back together with him but I still want to know what went wrong in the first place.
    Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Move slowly.. start with a casual smile if you bump into each other. Be natural. If there’s something you can talk about with a current situation you’re both in, talk about that.

  6. Lucy - 0

    Lucy

    My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me in mid-August. He said I had been pulling away physically and noticed that I was refusing to spend the night often. I tried the no contact rule for the first week but he blew my phone up saying he misses me and needs me. I have seen him a few times since. He has asked me to the movies and asked me to spend the night. We are even going to a baseball game tomorrow. He says we are friends now but I want him back. Should I start NC for 30 days?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Lucy,

      were you friendzoned or friends with benefits? Yes, you should restart nc..

  7. The Obsessed one - 0

    The Obsessed one

    We were dating for about 18months. Things started getting ugly when I moved to a different city. He would read my texts but fail to respond I would end up bombarding him with texts. Then he would say I was not online so he didn’t tell me about his whereabouts. Moreover whenever we met on weekends he would meet me for few hours and say go spend time with your family and friends and he’d drop me home. He broke up with me few days back saying he can’t be available for me all the time and told me to be friends as this relationship is tiring him mentally. I’m 10days into the NC rule but already growing restless. Will he ever come back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi The Obsessed One,

      I hope I can guarantee that but I can’t. Have you tried our chances calculator? And are you actively improving yourself?

  8. The Obsessed one - 0

    The Obsessed one

    We were in a relationship for about 18months. Things started getting ugly when I moved into a different city and kept on constantly badgering him and needing his attention. I would get angry if he failed to reply even after reading my texts plus not telling me where he was. It made me restless. He would duck them by saying I was not online so there was no point revving you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi The Obsessed One,

      I hope I can guarantee that but I can’t. Have you tried our chances calculator? And are you actively improving yourself?

  9. S - 0

    S

    me and my ex were together for about one year and 3 months when one day we got into a huge argument because he thought i was cheating on him since i didn’t let him go on my phone. then he went silent on me, which made me really anxious, so i started messaging him constantly and he ignored me. and while constantly messaging him i began to bring up the past and accused him of things. a couple days later, he said we are over and that i can go to the guy he assumed i was cheating on him with. it has been 14 days since he broke up with me. But he wished me happy birthday a few days after breaking up with me. and he also still has my phone number and has me on social media. my question to you is that can i get him back? i really love him and want to be with him. i am trying no contact but it has only been a couple days.

    Reply
  10. Lizzie - 0

    Lizzie

    My boyfriend broke up with me 5 months ago after we had been dating for 3 years. He is now with another girl who he seems to be madly in love with but I still love him and want to get back together with him. I tried the no contact rule but that seemed to make no difference at all and now I don’t know what to do to get him back again. Please help me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lizzie,

      when did you try the no contact rule? How much did you improve then and now? When did you last attempt talking to him?

  11. Taylor - 0

    Taylor

    Hello,
    My ex and I broke up a month ago. I made a lot of mistakes… I begged for him, attempted to be his friend, and had sex with him. He told me he doesn’t have feelings for me and I need to move on about two weeks ago. I have attempted no contact multiple times but never completed it. Anyways, last week we were texting as friends, then a few days later I realized that this wasn’t in my best interest and that I need to move on. I didn’t text him anymore and I unfollowed him on all platforms and blocked him on Twitter. On Saturday morning he texted me asking why I blocked him and I said “idk” and he said “zoh okay just want to make sure you’re not mad at me”. We chatted a little after that and he stopped responding. That night, my friend was out and saw him dancing with a girl I used to be friends with. I became very angry because he talked a lot of crap about her when we dated and of course I made the mistake of texting him saying something about it. He said things like “why do you care were not dtogether” “you care or you wouldn’t be texting me” “you care a lot” blah blah blah. We got in our argument and then he stopped responding. Today I found out that him and that girl have been snap chatting and that he told her I was crazy. I haven’t talked to him since and I plan on going full no contact Bc at this point I have nothing to lose. I guess what I need the most advice on is:

    1. If him and this girl become something, how will no contact even work?
    2. Since we left things on bad terms, will no contact be less affective? I feel like the crazy ex and I wish I knew how to wipe the slate clean…
    3. If a guy says he has no feelings, does no contact still have a chance of working?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Taylor,

      We cant guarantee that nc will work..
      And nc is more for you. For you to improve and heal so that you would be more rational.. and through that, it can help you raise your chances.

      But to be honest, yes, you are that crazy ex girlfriend to him.. And to help influence the way he thinks about you. You have to genuinely change. Improve yourself and have your own life.. Dont ever ask, demand or get angry when he dates because you dont have the right anymore.. He has to think you have moved on, so that he would be more open on being friendly again

  12. Meriiiiii - 0

    Meriiiiii

    Hi,
    My bf was obsssed with me about 4-5 months before we started dating. He was in love with me from the first, he did everything to make me love him. Everything was perfect, he always though I was better than him so he tried extra hard for me. I was his dream girl( that’s what he told me) and he never felt something like this before. I met his family, went traveling with them etc.we were great couple no fight nothing for 9 months. We spent a lot of time togetherOne day his friends and him smoked weed front of me which pissed me off. I talked to him about it he said he won’t smoke again. But I kind of went to far, started pushing him away, being a little rude… till the last day he was trying to fix everything. He texted me I was mean again and told him I’m not happy.. and the next day I messaged him he was gone, he said he’s being smoking a lot, that he doesn’t know what he wants if he can make me happyand stuff.. I freaked out, put a lot of pressure on him to meet me. We met he was crying saying he doesn’t want to hurt me that he loves me he need time and we’re going to be together.. so I left crying.. next day I stated talking about meeting, he promised to come see me and he didn’t show up. The next I texted him don’t make plans we’re having dinner together… first he said he can’t then he said at 10:30 to meet him in his office. I went there je wasn’t there and he ignore my messages .. in the morning he deleted me from snapchat. So messaged him that I’m done. Then I found out there an 18 year old girl hanging out with him. His friend told me there nothing between them. I also found out he got a puppy for her( we have one together). I messaged the girl that I have a puppy and I guess it’s his move for every relationship. It’s been 13 days I’m on NC. Do you think it will help me get him back? What are my chances? He never told me we’re done
    Thank you
    Ps I asked about the girl he said she’s no one, just a car girl.(He owns a huge car business) I don’t see them spending a lot of time together like he used to spend with me but she has his car..and he hangs out with her sometimes

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Merii,

      I dont think he’s telling the truth..he gave her a puppy and a car… how old are you both? and how much have you improved?

  13. Paige - 0

    Paige

    Me and my boyfriend (now ex) have been dating for 6 months and we got in a bad argument a couple of weeks ago and I yelled out “we’re done!” obviously I didn’t mean it and I told him that and ever since that argument I’ve been trying to prove to him that I love him and didn’t meant it. He always told me he loved me and always used to tell me he’s going to marry me and give me kids (not all COLLEGE guys say this, right?) So after the “breakup” we were trying to work past the argument and make the relationship better, but he just keeps saying “i don’t know. It’s just not the same since you broke up with me”. I keep telling him i didn’t mean it (and he knows that) and even asked if he wanted to go back out (just to shut him up). I’ve literally been begging him to work out our relationship together but he’s not even willing to work it out. I’ve told him all things possible i know i hurt him and i’m trying to prove my love for him but it’s like he’s not trying to hear that ever since i screamed that “we’re done” out in the argument. All my friends and family are telling me to basically do the No Contact Rule but I just can’t! I went from talking to him and being with him every day to not being with him at all!!!! Plus, we go to the same university and have a class together (that we set up while we were together) so it’s kinda hard to just not think about him and ignore him. He’s always looking like he’s fine on campus and on social media so I’m wondering is he over me already??? PLEASE tell me what to do because I KNOW he’s the one and he knows I’m the one too.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Paige,

      that means, you’ll only do a limited or minimal no contact.. if you keep asking for him back, he’ll just keep on saying no to you

  14. J - 0

    J

    so I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, I begged for him back, I cried, I said I was fine with just being friends, and I kinda gave him closure. how do I make this work for me and not let my mistakes screw up my chances??

    Reply
  15. J - 0

    J

    So my ex goes to the same school as me and we have mutual friends and he’s in my pe class and he tries to be social with me what should I do when he tries to talk to me and things??? Also if i see him hanging out with our friends should I go over to them or not? or if I’m with the friends and he comes over what should I do? and is it alright if I go over to his friends who are kinda my friends too when he’s not there? and if he comes back should I leave?

    Reply
    • J - 0

      J

      also when I’m in the halls should I avoid looking for him and making eye contact? we go to a small school so I’m just wondering if I should do my best to avoid him at all times or what

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI J,

      you can still talk to your friends. If he’s around or approaches you, just be civil. Be short and polite. Don’t be engaging if he wants to talk. Give short replies.. Focus in improving yourself. Do new things or excel in the ones you are already in. If you bump into him, just give a quick smile but don’t start conversations nor approach him.

  16. Reed Winston - 0

    Reed Winston

    I am 53 years old and an engineer with science and engineering degrees. In my decades of experience, I will confident in asserting that the No Contact Rule will fail almost 100% of the time. The longer “no contact” is in place by either side, the less probable a failed relationship will recover.

    I want to explain why the No Contact Rule fails by giving an example…

    McDonald’s wants you to buy their fast food so they advertise. You go get a Big Mac and large fries, whatever.

    One day, some Marketing executive at McDonald’s has an idea. Being a firm believer in The No Contact Rule, she decides to reduce the marketing budget and drive up sales by using The No Contact Rule.

    Her thinking is this: If McDonald’s doesn’t advertise, then people will miss McDonald’s, wonder what happened, and then want to come back to McDonald’s to find out, and then stay and buy more food.

    However, the reality is that Burger King hasn’t stopped advertising – they are not doing no contact and they are keeping in contact with the fast food customer base. So, while McDonald’s keeps up The No Contact Rule and doesn’t advertise, Burger King is getting improved sales because, without MacDonald’s advertising, those people wanting their fast food weren’t thinking of McDonald’s, but, seeing Burger King advertisements, they instead went to Burger King.

    After a month, this MacDonald’s Marketing executive is fired and her story becomes required learning in business schools across America.

    It’s the same with relationships. If you have no contact, guess what? The other person is having plenty of contact with your replacement and is very quickly learning that 1) they can survive without you and 2) you really weren’t all that special.

    This is especially so for young heterosexual men who are constantly horny. On evolutionary grounds, they are hard-wired to constantly be on the prowl for available sexual partners. So, if because of The No Contact Rule, he is no longer getting his emotional and physical needs met, then he will begin to look elsewhere. Even if he is monogamous and totally in “true love”, now that he is single again, a part deep-down inside of him recognizes the opportunity that freedom presents to “legally” be with another woman. He may not actively seek a different female, but when another female approaches him that he finds attractive, then he is very likely to get into a rebound relationship with her.

    Put in sports terms, the failed relationship is like a fumbled football and The No Contact Rule is equivalent of doing nothing and letting the other team pick up the ball and run it in for a touchdown.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Professor Reed,
      That’s a very good analogy! The thing is there is no emotional attachment to a product.. With a person, you shared memories and feelings with that person and although no contact is not a cure for all, it’s human nature to miss somebody we lost. If you just replaced that person after a few weeks, then that either means you had no emotional attachment to that person, you’re trying to cover it up or you have already started to move before you broke up..

  17. rin - 0

    rin

    Can i contact him on day 30?its 30days today.need help

    Reply
  18. Sam - 0

    Sam

    Hi. My boyfriend and I recently broke up out of the blue. We decided to not talk for 2 weeks then see where we were both at. He does not want to get back together and he says he wont feel differently ever. We dated for 4 years. He isnt seeing anyone else and he gave me a bunch of stupid excuses. I want to know if no contact will even work on him. Nothing in his life changed when we broke up. He still does all the same things and hangs out with the same people and everything. The only difference is that I am not there. I always visited him and did what he wanted to do and hung out with his friends. I feel like this is why he doesnt miss me or want me back….because nothing has changed for him. We spent every day together for 4 years…I know our relationship isnt perfect and would take a little work but hes jumped off the deep end and is being strange. He was set off by something so insignificant and just stuck with it. I dont know what steps to take from here to get him back…. when i saw him last to talk about us, he was bugging for details about my life and said i looked good but doesnt want me. He got offended when i tried to avoid him when we were living together for a few days before i moved out. But he says he feels nothing when people say how sorry they are that we broke up. Just wondering if NC would work here or if i should be trying to stay apart of his life…..since we have all the same friends and just try and chill and see how that goes

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sam,

      we can’t guarantee that it will work.. but I don’t think there’s any other better move to do than doing the no contact rule and improving yourself during no contact and after.. It’s much better than chasing and waiting for him..

  19. Selle - 0

    Selle

    Hi. My ex boyfriend and I broke up 3 months ago. However, we still communicate to each other daily on fb messenger after the breakup. We even go and hangout sometimes whenever both of us are available. I admit that I am become needy and clingy whenever we talk to each other. I commit the “mistakes” that a woman probably does after a breakup. He expresses himself if he’s irritated and he keeps on telling me that he is not willing to commit himself to anyone for a long time after we had the breakup. I just started the NC rule today and I want to know if 30 days would be enough or do I need more time for the NC rule? Thank you very much and have a pleasant day.

    Reply
  20. Elle - 0

    Elle

    Hi there
    Do I have any chance of being back with my ex, he is 15 years younger than me with no children, I have 2 teenage boys.
    We were together for 3.5 years, started quite casually but ended up falling in love. We saw each other mainly at weekends as he lives 1.5 hours from me. We became best friends and shared everything, because of the distance we spent a lot of time calling and messaging and then had weekends together.
    He broke up with me 3 weeks ago, saying that he couldn’t give me what I want, that i deserve better, but that he truly loves me and will miss our friendship more than anything. He said he would still like to see me when he can and always wants to be there for me, but that he had all the stresses of a relationship but none of the benefits: ie not being together in the week.. We did keep in touch for the first couple of weeks and saw eachother twice, where he said “I’ve seen a house that would be perfect for us, and give me two years and it will be me you and the boys living by the coast!! He had also said that he can’t say that he will never want children though, although previously he had been ok with not having them.
    I eventually said that I set him free to live his life as he wishes, without me, as it was breaking my heart being in this limbo stage, so from 4 days only ago, I haven’t spoken or heard from him. Do you think the 30 day nc will help him get perspective on what he really feels. I desperately want to make sure he is ok, and I’m pretty certain he will be feeling that eat. But does the age and children thing just mean its pointless
    Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Elle,

      What did he mean when he had all the stresses of the relationship but none of the benefits? Do you always fight?

  21. Maggie - 0

    Maggie

    Hi, my comment isnt appearing. Long story short – i am in a period of NC with my ex. We have dated on and off for over a year now. I want to check on two things. When we first broke up I unfriended him on facebook, and unfollowed him on instagram. Does this ruin my chances? He unfollowed me back on instagram but still views my stories.
    Secondly, i think he has started NC on me first as I was the last one to send a message and never heard from him again – how do I reclaim things so that I am the one doing No Contact. I am on Day 6 and it is brutally hard. I am so scared he is going to start dating someone right away.

    Reply
  22. Olivia - 0

    Olivia

    Should I lengthen no contact to 30 days if my ex boyfriend hasn’t tried to contact me? I was just planning on doing no contact for 21 days and I’m on day 22 now but I read more about no contact and it said if your ex hasn’t tried to contact you, you should move to 30 day no contact. Should I do that? Thanks.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Olivia,

      When and why did you break up? How long were you together? You said you replied to his text? When was that? Did you start to improve yourself during no contact?

  23. Olivia - 0

    Olivia

    I implemented the no contact rule on my ex boyfriend and I was planning on doing it for 21 days and I’m on day 22 day now because I’ve been reading more about no contact and it was saying that if your ex hasn’t tried to contact you (he sent me a text calling me a nickname and I texted him back a text calling him a nickname and that is it) during 21 day no contact you should lengthen no contact for 30 days. Is that what I should do or should I contact him now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Olivia,

      When and why did you break up? How long were you together? You said you replied to his text? When was that? Did you start to improve yourself during no contact?

  24. Danielle - 0

    Danielle

    Im pretty disciplined and don’t have much of an urge to be in contact with my ex right now after he broke it off , even though it’s only been a few days, but my question is, does the no contact rule still apply when communication is key to the guy? Things almost headed south because our communication slipped for a couple days. He insisted on good morning to good night texts every single day as well as how we’re doing throughout the day and just checking up on each other in a healthy manner. Once it started slipping close to the break up (a fault on my end, I was too stressed and became short with him while he was putting in the same effort) he said that’s a red flag for him. So again, I don’t plan on contacting him, I want us both to have time to think about things (the relationship was good, positive, really no problems, and the break up wasn’t too bad, he said what he had to say and I said nothing but ok well I guess I should go now). And as strong as a personality he has, he’s also very afraid to upset people, and I wouldn’t want to make him feel like I hate him. And since he’s so sensitive when it comes to communication, should I still stay no contact if he tries reach out to me before the 30 days?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Danielle,

      wait, so he can’t get past from liking you to loving you because you weren’t that available to talk?

  25. Maggie - 0

    Maggie

    I have a question about social media in the NC rule. I have been on and off with a guy for six months and finally it’s over and I’m heartbroken. Before he wouldn’t give me so much as five days without contacting me, so this time I want to really implement no contact no matter what for my own sanity. So I have unfriended him on Facebook and stopped following him on Instagram. He unfollowed me back but never mentioned it and we haven’t spoken since. I am on day six. Having read this in worried though – does this make me a jerk ?! Instead of just no contact. I know there is no guarantee to get him back but I don’t want to definitely close the door on us being able to have a relationship and communicate again when the thirty days are up. Did I mess this up with removing him from my social media?

    Reply
  26. Victoria - 0

    Victoria

    My ex boyfriend has messaged me twice in the span of these past two months after not talking to me for six-seven months. First he asked for his things back very casually (all I had was a couple sweatshirts and I live a state away) and then yesterday he sent me a long message apologizing for the way he treated me, telling me he thinks about me every now and then and worries, that he wants to make sure I’m alright, and that he feels guilty about the way he acted. I don’t know what to do. He said he would understand if I didn’t want to respond to him, but I don’t know if I should or shouldn’t. Would he send a message like that just to make himself feel better? Or does he actually care? I can’t tell if he’s interested in me still.

    Reply
    • Victoria - 0

      Victoria

      Also I didn’t reply to his last message, I haven’t spoken to him in all those months.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Victoria,

      the only way to know that, is to talk to him..

    • Victoria - 0

      Victoria

      So it’s okay to break no contact? I’m not sure what to say. A few people that I know are telling me not to reply while others are saying I could if I was curious.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’ve been no contact for 6-7 months right? That’s too long.. you can break nc now..

  27. michelle - 0

    michelle

    We were together 4 and 1/2 years. I broke up aug 1 because some trauma issues from childhood I did not realize were keeping me closed. we mutually agreed on break up aug 3. He told friends he could not talk to me because he would fall back in. He called me drunk and ugly on aug 11. It is now sept 12 and I have not talked to him. I did try on aug 26 and I am blocked on his phone. Should I just accept its over?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Michelle,

      First, if you’re still blocked then you need to extend no contact and have you taken the steps you need to do to change yourself? Therapy? Doing new things? Stopping the ones that need to stop? Having a makeover?

  28. Angie - 0

    Angie

    Hey, thank for doing this and reading this. You rock!! Heres my story. We have been having problems for a couple of months. About 6 months, been together for over a year. Mainly just like emotional problems, him becoming distant, it just felt like he was putting in less effort then before, which made my more clingy(oops), he’s been asking for space for a while and it took me a long time to understand that ( but i do now) and i get that it’s not personal that sometimes he just needs space for himself, his family has always been a problem because his little sister (18 years old) hates me for absolutely no reason and his family matters a lot to him, so that pretty difficult to fight, and just a lot of emotionally straining thing like that, but anytime we spoke about breaking up we never did it, like we would both say things like”it seems like the right thing to do” but we wouldn’t last a day broken up. like we really do (or did) love each other( I’m not sure how i feel right now). Last week we had a conversation and he said he thought I was unhealthy for him and I didn’t allow him to grow. And that did it for me, knowing that he felt this way made it easier for me to let go of him since I love him and want him to be happy again. And I told him we should break up and that i was doing this for him, because i want him to be better, and that i didn’t want him to be with someone who he thought was unhealthy for him. And yeah he called today (Saturday) and I didn’t answer, he left a voicemail that said ” i just want you to know that if you need anything I’m here for you.” When i heard the voicemail, i sent him a text that said ” thanks for the offer” and that was that. So with that, is 30 days enough? More or less?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Angie,

      yeah I think 30 days is enough..both of you need a breather.. Use this time to start a new routine that you will still continue when you start to rebuild rapport and if you get back with him…

    • Angie - 0

      Angie

      Wait I’m confused? And if a get back with him…. (What?)

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Sorry!!!:D Wrong grammar! I mean, continue that routine that you will start during nc even when you get back with him..

    • Angie - 0

      Angie

      Okay. I plan on getting a gym membership and reading more books. But i have a question, he doesnt have any social media, so how will I still keep him in the loop that I’m like living life and having fun ? Also where can i read about what to do after the 30days?

    • Angie - 0

      Angie

      Also, he just texted me since i did the NC. Its been 4 days. He asked me if i will be watching my favorite show tonight. Would it be okay to text him that I’m not ready to talk to him yet, and that I need more time? I know itd be breaking the NC rule. & I’m dont want to start it all over again. Also my read receipts is on so it tells him i saw it which I’m sure doesn’t feel nice.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It would be better if you just ignore it. And then check the latest version of the no contact rule article. Start with the true purpose of nc section so that you’ll have an idea on what to do during nc.
      The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)

  29. Keisha Moore - 0

    Keisha Moore

    Hey!!!! My boyfriend and I were together for a year and 7 months, however, we began to argue a lot. I would say things I really don’t mean but I would then apologize for it and he would forgive me, which became a pattern. He is a very strong willed person and feels that he’s always right, so we argue about that too. I was single for three years before I met him but I was dating. I had a lot of male friends that would still initiate contact every blue moon. He begged me to change my number and I did. Everything was good for a little while then I started to feel I wished I hadn’t done so because we would argue too much over little things such as me not wanting to go places because I was too tired. He claims I’m selfish and I don’t know how to love a man. He broke up with me because of my ways but I was still having sex with him. I tried everything to get him back, but he keeps telling me we can be friends. I would ignore him for about a week then I get into my feelings again then I would call. He wouldn’t answer but would text me, so I would get angry and pop up places I know he would be to question him about his actions. When I approach him he would have a smirk on his face but would act nonchalant. He would answer any question I ask then walk away and don’t answer when I call. He tells me quit popping up and stop calling but when I ask him if he’s involved with another female he’s always telling me no, but his actions makes me feel like he hates me and his attention is somewhere else. He doesn’t call anymore. I took my social media page down and then he requested my friends. I’m thinking he request them so they could tell me things. I would log on for a couple seconds to check his page then I log off. He would put pictures up of himself on his off days. The last picture I saw was a pic he took somewhere he was supposed to take me so I questioned him if he took a female and his response was no. My main question I want to know is does he loves me anymore, is he dating someone else, and is he completely done? Its been two months since we’ve been going through this but I’m always initiating the calls so I feel like I’m being irritating and I’m not giving him the chance to experience life without me. I want to try the NC but I’m afraid it will make him forget about me. Help me please….

    Reply
  30. Nya - 0

    Nya

    A month *

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nya,

      It looks like she’s a grasss is greener case..Even if it’s hard to nc, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Stay strong in it and make a new routine with your daughter.. Don’t chase. Do 45 days before reinitiating talking with him.

  31. Beachrose - 0

    Beachrose

    My sort-of ex (he’s “not sure”, and also ADHD) moved out because he “fell out of love with me” and “realized he never wanted to be married” – after asking me “off and on” for 6 years. He also resented my putting boundaries on his being out almost every single night/ weekend, and being a real spendthrift, getting himself into debt – all of which really impacted our getting other things done. I was his last priority / taken for granted.

    I want to do the NC, but some of his stuff is still here, despite my giving him a month to get his stuff. I tried to make it easy on him, gathering & boxing almost all of it up – and still some of it sits here. He wants me to keep some relationship stuff intact, like keeping his photos displayed with mine at home, and helping me with my cabin, where he also still has some stuff. I think that’s just his using me as an emotional crutch. He hates the idea of “losing” access to my cabin, which he put a lot of time into.

    I really think he needs to get out of my life completely, to feel what life’s like without me, because I know I set the bar really high. He had a hard time leaving me because he knew that, and still – GIGS.

    What’s my strategy to get him to pick up his stuff, but not sound stressed about it – like I don’t care? He still cries when he picks things up at my place, sometimes takes me out to eat, and then we get on great – but then he disappears again and “cocoons” in his life, just texting me – not so different from when he neglected me here.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Beachrose,

      That’s your home and he decided to move out, so the decision on what keeps to be displayed, who goes and in and out should be yours. If he doesn’t want to get his things, so be it. Leave it at the front yard for him to easily pick up whenever he’s ready. Have your own decision and be strong with it, because the more you allow him to do what he wants in your life and in your home, the more you look like you rely on him.

      He has to feel and realize that you’ve really had enough and he has to respect your home. About your social media posts, yes make them public.

  32. DivineD - 0

    DivineD

    Long story short — he is good on paper, began cancelling plans after date 3, but would always text or call daily… After 1 month of not seeing eachother I asked for him to express his intentions…he said he would after church and disappeared for 2 weeks…he come back with general inquiry texts, but led to saying he missed me and wanted to see me. Again he would not confirm plans…I asked again for him to say what he wants from me…he asked me to call him to discuss we spoke about him being lost while driving, he said he would call back, and did not. 2 days later i noticed he unfollowed me on instagram. I sent him a text saying he was petty, delete my number and never talk to me again. He replies who is this ? Being a jerk…then 4 hours later says lol i kno who you are . I did not respond. 2 weeks later i went to a club he frequents with my friends. On my way back to our table I walk into him. He’s about 10 feet away – sees me, stares, acted like he didn’t know what to say or do. I broke the eye glance and proceeded to continue walking to the table where I was sitting with my friends. Unfortunately my view was directly aligned with where him and his friends were. He turned his back to me for the next 10 minutes or so and then they vanished. About an hour later I saw him heading up the ramp to another level. The next day he texts me saying “You looked cute last night”. I did not respond. While he is good on paper and a gentleman at times, the majority of our dynamic has been his communication with me via text solely that is geared mainly towards himself. I know he was dating other women. I think I deserve better. My question is I was 2 weeks in of having no contact and we bumped into eachother. While I said nothing verbally – he texted me the next day. Would I need to start over ; by the 30 day NC standards ? I get the feeling he may reach out again; so just wanting some guidance around how to play this although I may not even entertain him at a later date. Any help is appreciated.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI DivineD,

      you’re good.. You didn’t break nc.. just continue it.

  33. Johhny deep - 0

    Johhny deep

    Hi team expect

    I know this girl about 3 month . And she do like me . asking me to see his parent . But i realise i be texting her daily . One they she do not have a feeling for me . Should i apply NC rule . How many days

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Johnny Deep,

      Try just 21 days and be active in improving yourself and in social media

  34. Sam - 0

    Sam

    If he messages me should I reply back?

    Reply
  35. Anne - 0

    Anne

    Hi,

    A month ago my partner and I broke up after 9 years (we are both in our 20’s). The past few months had been less than idea, but not 100% terrible. He has been confused about what he wants, but as of this week has made the decision that he needs to break up, the reasoning is so that he can learn to be alone and discover himself. He said for a while he has been feeling unsure of our future but was too scared to tell me. We have been chatting during the month and saw each other a few times just to discuss things generally. He keeps saying that possibly in the future he will be the person I need, after he does some self-discovery. But there was no time frame given here.

    I am starting the no contact rule today for 30 days, but he already knows that in order for me to move on (which he has recommended I do because he says not to wait around for him), that I need to stop contact. He would prefer to still talk and see each other but respects that I cant do that. And he is very disciplined and wont contact me if I don’t contact him. Is there any point in doing the no contact rule or would it be better just to cut him out completely as I’m not sure if it will even work in this case? Given that we have been speaking/catching up and that he has made his decision.

    Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anne,

      do no contact more for yourself. So that you can be regain having your own routine and being independent because 9 years is long.. do 45 days and if you still want to get back after that, initiate contact and then slowly build rapport

    • Anne - 0

      Anne

      Hi,

      Do you think it wouldn’t work to get him back then in this case? Just because he has been changing his mind on and off, even though he has now told me to move on and not wait. I know he is still conflicted but I guess he is trying to stick to his decision.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think there’s a chance.. but raise it by improving yourself… don’t just stop talking to him..

  36. Catherine - 0

    Catherine

    My boyfriend of 4 months is having doubts about the future with me but says that he loves me. He has been acting distant for 3 weeks now and I felt really emotional and tried to understand where this was coming from especially since our relationship was perfect. Having fun all the time, connecting on intellectual subject, having mature discussions and great sex as well. A lot of new things have been happening in his life, new house, new jobs, new girlfriend etc. I don’t understand where it’s coming from and makes me really sad, especially since he’s been pushing me away from his social life and stopped the romantic little attentions he used to do. What should I do? I talked to him about it, and he said that he will make more efforts. I have been distance and stopped texting him first and I have been cold but polite. He’s been a little bit more sweet but I am obviously hurt. Help me please

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Catherine,

      maybe it has something to do with everything that is happening in his life right now. It can be a grass is greener case.. Are you going to do no contact rule?

    • Catherine - 0

      Catherine

      Should I do the no contact rule or wait if I broke up with him? I want to give him a chance first off. What do you mean by grass is greener case

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      oh sorry… it means he might be looking forward to doing better things than being in a relationship.. but this article explains it more: The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

      if you feel that there’s still chance to work it out before doing nc, go ahead..

  37. Sam - 0

    Sam

    I’m not to sure but he did say at the time he wants to forget the past and move on meaning he wants to move on from me as he always starts to think about the time I had left him.. I want to message him but I don’t know if its the right thing to do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      To be honest you have to move on first. Because if you have been making an effort in the past months then any effort now, would just seem like you’re chasing him. It will take a long time before he is really convinced that you have moved on.. I think you need to be silent for at least 6 months before trying again.

  38. Amy - 0

    Amy

    Hi here!
    I believe you have been work really hard and I am gratitude that you are helping to numerous women everyday. I wish I could have a good patience like you!

    Anyway, today is my 5 days NC, but I am still unsure if I should text him back since my ex bf keeps texting me(8 texts total) for three days straight to check out if I am doing ok, and told me he is getting understand how I feel. He even called to my mom tonight to check out if I am doing too that I have never expected! She answered him that I am doing fine. He also gtalked (hang out) me that he will be waiting for my response and depressed that he can see my profile pic has no longer of our picture. But he never mentioned me to be back to him and only told me he misses me and want to talk him when I am get around to it. So should I text him back or just keep follow 30 days NC rule? Thank you for have a time to listen me.

    Reply
  39. E - 0

    E

    Hello, So my boyfriend and I have been together for not even two months yet. (I just turned 16 In July, and he just turned 18 in July as well)He’s a great guy. He takes me places. Such as swimming, gym, etc. We always have fun together! And he always knows how to put a smile on my face! So when we first started talking/dating, I told him I don’t want to have sex again(Until I find the right guy) (I have had a sexual experience in the past) and he said he respects that. Because he’s interested in me, and not just sex. He knows I’m a true girl. He’s even told me that I’m different from the females he’s talked to in the past. So recently, two weeks ago on a Friday, my boyfriend called me after school, asking if I was busy. (To see if we can hang out) I said,” Yea I’m going swimming with my little sister. (Yes, they have met before)” He said,”Ooo can I come?” I said,”Yea, you can come.” So then my little sister and I went swimming, and I was looking around to see if he came, but he never did. So I called him that night, he answered, and I said,”Hey, why didn’t you come?” He was telling me that I can’t really get mad at him, because he didn’t say he was gonna come, he just asked if he could come(I know, weird right) and he went on by saying that he was watching a movie, and fell asleep, or whatever. So I just said okay. I didn’t get mad, even though I thought he was really gonna come, but I was confused at first. So then the next day, Saturday, My little sister and I went swimming again. And I called to see if he wanted to come. He said he was cleaning his room, and that he’d call me back to tell me whether he was going to come or not. (He had a stuffy nose) so he didn’t really want to go swimming (to avoid getting more sick) so he called back, and said
    Him:Hey, I’m done cleaning my room
    Me: Okay, So are you going to come?
    Him:*dead silence*
    Me:Hello?
    Him:I’m thinking,I’m thinking
    Me:didn’t you say you were available today?
    Him:Yea I am
    Me:So what’s stopping you from coming?
    Him:You’re little sister
    Me:How is my little sister stopping you from coming?
    Him: Cause I don’t want no little kids around, I want to spend time with you.
    Him:Why can’t you just come over here
    Me: Cause I’m with my little sister, do you want me to bring her?
    Him:No
    Me:Okay then
    Him: And I have a runny nose and shit
    Me: Okay then if you don’t want to come then don’t come
    Him: Why are you getting an attitude
    Me:If you don’t want to come then don’t come
    Him:Okay then I won’t come
    Me:Okay bye*hangs up*
    So after the Convo, we didn’t talk for 5 days. I tried calling him last Wednesday, but he didn’t answer(his phone was off) So then, that following Friday night, I called to see if he would pick up, and he did. So he picks up the phone, and I say,”Hey, what’s up?” And for a second he said,”Hey I’m kind of busy right now.” My bad I’ve been going through a lot of s***(He said that as an excuse of why he hasn’t been calling me.)Then I said,” My bad if I seemed a little grouchy on the phone last time.” He said,”It’s all good.” So I told him,”Well I’m going to be available to hang out, like on Monday and stuff, since we don’t have school Monday because it’s labor day.” (It was labor day weekend)And he got silent! So I said,”Are you okay?” He said,”yea.” You’re still in Spring Valley right?” He said,”Yea.” So I said,” are you sure? It seems like you hesitated.” He said,”Yea.” And then he went on by saying,”You called at the wrong time.” And so I was confused for a second, so I said,”Huh?” He said,”You called at the wrong time.” So I just said,” well when you’re ready just give me a call.”and we both just said,”Okay bye.” And hung up. So two days later,(Sunday) morning, I woke up, and noticed that he texted me saying,” Hey.” He sent that text to me at 4 in the morning. And I barely replied to it at 7, since I was asleep when he did text me. So he replies at 11, (He sleeps in lol) and we have a little convo in our text messages with one another. So then the last message I sent was,” You can call me later on tonight if you want.” And he didn’t reply, but I knew he would call. So I went to bed that night, and it was 3 in the morning(It was now(Monday) when he called, so I woke up, and answered his call.” So some of the things he was saying was,” So what are you doing today? I said, “Were supposed to be leaving in the morning(Since my family and I were in another part of California) and I would also like to see you today and stuff. So he said,”Aw you want to see me?” I said,”Yea.” So he breaks the news and says,”Well I got something to tell you.” I’m not in Spring Valley anymore. I’m not even in San Diego anymore. I’m in a whole mother state.” So I asked,”Where are you?” And he says,”I’m in las Vegas.” So I was shocked that he would leave without telling me, but there were some clues that I knew he was about leave to go there. (Before he left) (I knew I wasn’t stupid) he told me that he wasn’t going to talk to me anymore. He said he wasn’t going to call, text, nothing. But the only reason why he did is cause when I called him on Friday, he ‘accidentally ‘answered my call. Its like, you know how in the movies the boy falls in love with the girl, the girl disappears, the boy is on a mission to find her? Well that’s basically what he was trying to do. But God didn’t let it work out that way, because it wasn’t meant for it to happen so ha! Now he looked stupid! So then he goes on by saying encouraging me to not let him get me down, and to continue to focus on school. He also tried to lead me on for a second by saying,” And you can find you a nice guy) and I asked, “What do you mean by that?” He said,”Long distance relationships aren’t healthy.” So then, he also says that he’s trying to focus on him, and so on. Trying to make it happen. I asked him how did he get to Vegas, he said,” Grayhound.” He told me that his Lil sis was crying, and he told me that he was telling his mom bye. So before he left, he basically kept saying this quote to me, and it says,” Don’t let no one stop your success. Not him, not my mom, not my little sister, and not my friends.” And I asked him when he was still here, “Where did you get that?” And he said,”I made it up.” So when we were talking on the phone on Monday at 3 in the morning, I said,”Is that why you kept saying that little quote.” he said,”yea, I was trying to prepare you.” And while he was talking he said,”Whatever happens, just know that I’m just fine.” So then we continue to talk or whatever, then he said that he has to go to sleep, and that he’d call me tomorrow. So it was still Monday, but it was nighttime. So I was about to get in the shower, and I decided to go ahead and call him. So I called, he didn’t answer. So I went a head, got in the shower, I get out , and I call my Aunti. (She’s very wise, and gives great advice) (I’ve told her about him) so I called her, and talked to her about what was going on and stuff. I had called her earlier that day anyways, telling her how he moved to Vegas, didn’t tell me, etc. And I told her that he doesn’t have a job, his own place, a car, etc.and he just barely turned 18! And she was just telling me,”He’s not ready.” So back to after I got out the shower that night, I called her again, cause I had more stuff to tell her, but he was on the other line calling me back. So I told her that he was calling, and that I would call her right back, and she said okay. So I answer his call, and I say, “Hello?” He says,”Yea. I was handling some business.” So then I asked him,”Do you truly value me?” He says, “What do you mean by that.” I said,”Like, do you truly value me?” Then he started going off, raising his voice, saying,” I don’t got time for that s****. I don’t got time for that lovey dove s****. You don’t know what I go through! I don’t even talk to my own mom anymore! I’m out here by myself! I’m focused on me! You always trying to make it about you(he tried to make it seem like I’m always talking about myself to him, which is not the case) and so he goes off still talking stuff, saying more stuff like,”I thought you understood, but I guess not.” And so , I got quiet, and he noticed I got quiet, and said,”Anything else you want to say? You sure did quiet over there.” So I said,”I just don’t understand why you would throw me under the bus.” And then he just kept going, talking stuff. So my little sister kind of heard him yelling at me over the phone(She was in my room while I was on the phone with him) and so she wrote down for me to say to him,”Don’t yell at me.” And so I told him,”Don’t raise your voice at me.” He said,” Or what? You gonna hang up?” I didn’t say anything. So he kept talking for a couple of more seconds. Then it got quiet. So I whispered to my sister, “he’s still yelling.” To let her know that he was talking stuff to me, and she signaled for me to hang up, so I did. So I called my Aunti back, told her what happened. She said,” There’s a chance he may never call back.” And she also told me that I did the right thing of not saying anything, and hanging up. And that its up to him to come to his senses. And she also told me that he had no right to take his family problems out on me. Because that is between him and his mom, and it has nothing to do with me. He means well, but his priorities all over the place.” (Him trying to make it happen and all that) So after I got off the phone with my aunti, I told my sister I kind of felt bad for hanging up, and she said,”Why? You need to be a woman!” For a second I thought we were breaking up(When I hung up on him) but my sister was telling me,”It’s not the end of the world! All you did was hang up on him! He needs to calm down first! He probably feels stupid now since you hung up on him. “And I said,”You’re right.” The whole “him yelling at me” thing took place last night(Tuesday of this week) my question is, should I do the no contact rule? Do you think he will regret what he did to me, and will eventually miss me?) We have(or at least had) a great relationship. We haven’t had fights, nor arguments. It was wrong for him to try to avoid not talking/contacting me anymore, especially for the fact that he knows I’m a true girl, and that I’m innocent through all this! So why would he want to try to let go of someone who managed to be there for him, and stick by his side? You know?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI E,

      I think what’s he’s trying to say is that you’re not his priority right now. Maybe he went to Las Vegas to find a job there and fulfill his dreams, so that’s his priority right now.

    • E - 0

      E

      That’s stupid for him to do that. For the fact that he knows I’m his girlfriend. I remember on Monday when we were talking at 3 in the morning, and since we telling me he’s in Vegas,etc. You know how he was telling me that he wasn’t planning on calling,texting, me anymore? (When he got to Vegas) Well I asked him,” So you were trying to end the relationship?” And he said,”no.” I know, weird right! He is definitely giving mixed signals. And its like, he doesn’t want to lose me, but yet his actions are… You know? Just.. He has a lot going on with him. My question is, should I just imply the no contact rule? Our last Convo was Monday(when he was yelling at me) and I wasn’t arguing with him, or anything like that. I asked him one simple question, and he basically messed up. (By trying to yell at me for HIS problems) Me? I was just quiet. But I wasn’t tolerating the yelling thing.

    • E - 0

      E

      Okay so, he just texted me last night. I didn’t reply, because I’m letting him see how it feels to be ignored. Since he ignored my calls/texts when he moved.. All that smack he was talking on the phone on Monday, but yet.. He obviously feels bad about it now..

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      For me it’s ok to be silent for you to cool down but maybe after 2 or 3 days, talk to him.. Say what you really feel in the calmest way possible… do it in text so you can edit it and he will have to read all of it before answering

  40. Sophie - 0

    Sophie

    Hi,
    I was with my ex boyfriend for nearly four years and broke up two weeks ago because he feels ‘lost and confused’ about what he wants. He told me he loves me and our relationship has always been very happy, even up until two weeks ago. I started the no contact eleven days ago and haven’t had any mobile communication at all – however we work together and I started back at work today and he came to my office and spoke to me – work related and general chat – is this breaking no contact? It will be very difficult to ignore him at work. Any advice?

    Reply
  41. Vee - 0

    Vee

    long story short…married in february of this year, been together for 1.5 years. In June my partner told me she had been messaging back and forth with an old flame. in july she moved back to her parents, from july to august she was back and forth with her feelings toward me. saying she didnt know what she wanted, but would end up saying she wanted to move back with me and work on our relationship. a week ago me and the “old flame” found out that my partner was lying to both of us and leading us both on. my partner got upset at me for talking to her old/new flame and blamed me for our relationship ending and for her “losing” the chance to be with this other girl again. everyone is telling me that it’s over, but i love my her so much and want her back. i know that the old flame and her started talking again, since all the drama a week ago. do i still have a chance with “no contact”, or should i just move on? i honestly feel that she still loves me but she is so angry with everything that has happened. i have never done anything against her or our relationship and i hate this. i just want my partner back.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi vee,

      try the no contact rule first to heal and improve for 45 days.. Just focus in that..if you still want to try with her after it,.initiate contact

  42. Sam - 0

    Sam

    Hi..the guy I really loved truly has moved on.. He was talking to a girl after I left him on and off which I didnt not know about. I found out through social media he was in contact with her I confronted him asking why he had lied he said he wanted to stay friends with me. We don’t speak much anymore he has a new number which I don’t have but he talks to me through online if he has to ever but since I confronted him we have not spoken since and I miss him so much I know you’ll be thinking his not worth it but I just can’t imagine my life without him what shall I do! I have not message him since either I really miss him

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sam,

      are you continually active in maintaining and improving yourself? If you contact him again, would he think you’re chasing or just being friendly?

  43. krisha - 0

    krisha

    we has a very string connection we broke up because his parents were not covinced he tried to convince but could not .As they started giving emotional pressure he gave up, we are in a long distance relationship and its been 8 months we are dating and he broke up three days back since that day i have tried not to make any contacts with him and even he has not made any effort. does NC will help in this case .

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Krisha,

      we can’t guarantee that nc will work. But it will help increase your chances and make him miss you.

  44. Desperate - 0

    Desperate

    Hello,

    I was with someone for 5 months. The relationship moved very quickly and he told his family (I was informed after the break-up) that he couldn’t imagine anyone else more suitable to be the mother of his children). The reason for the break-up was that he was not ready to settle down. I contacted him a week after the break-up, again at the 2-week mark, and on the 3rd-week mark. At this point he contacted me here and there through snapchat and sending me a screen shot through text. I then met up with him to get my apartment key (he had the spare) and he told me he didn’t want to say goodbye to me and wanted to talk here and there. That didn’t last. I messaged him a few days later and the conversation died. and the last time he texted me, I answered with a smart remark. Every time we talk we end up talking about the relationship as much as I know i should avoid this. I started the no contact rule and I am on day 9. I am afraid that because he is so prideful he won’t reach out to me again, and if he does reach out to me and I ignore him, that he won’t contact me when I do re-initiate contact. UGH I don’t know what I should do if he were to contact me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Desperate,

      What needs to happen is a restart. So, that means when he initiates during no contact, and you ignore him, he has to see through social media that you are moving on. So, that when you reinitiate after no contact, he will think you’re just being friendly and then he’ll more likely talk to you.

      And another thing also, he will less likely become resentful of you ignoring him because he’s not even initiating that much. You’re the one who’s always doing it. And the last you said it died..

      When you end up talking about the relationship, what does he say?

  45. Aubrey - 0

    Aubrey

    Hello! My fiancé and I have known each other for a year and a half. We’ve officially were dating the past 6 months and just 2 weeks ago he broke up with me. I’m on day 4 of NC (I had to restart a lot) but today he wrote in his blog that I’m an amazing girl but we entered a relationship when he wasn’t ready. He claims that we moved fast (which I completely agree) but now he’s saying “I don’t know if I want to be alone to focus on my passions or if I want a partner to live life to the fullest.” He’s having a mini life crisis where things in his life keep changing. He seems committed to this break up and I know he’s confused. I feel like during the 30 days he’s still going to be confused and not willing to work things out or talk. I don’t understand why he rather figure it out on his own than have my love and support.. I have no clue how to get him back or what to do. Any advice would help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Aubrey,

      he chose to figure it out on his own because he realized that being engaged after 6 months is too fast. That decision was probably made while you’re in the honeymoon period. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

    • Aubrey - 0

      Aubrey

      I am trying the no contact rule. It’s day 5. We’ve been together 6 months then he broke up with me because he claims he was scared of his feelings. Got into a rebound relationship for 3 months then came back to me for 6 months we got engaged and now he’s “confused” he doesn’t know if he wants to be alone or wants a partner. I know he still loves me. At the end of the 30 day contact falls right on our birthdays (his bday is the day after mine) do you think he will come back? He hasn’t made any effort to contact which I don’t see him trying to, but if he does I plan on ignoring it

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      We can’t guarantee that.. but I think things were too fast for him, so take it slow this time

  46. Kay - 0

    Kay

    Me and my guy weren’t in a relationship yet. We’ve talked on and off for 2 years. Well this time I was super clingy . I think I was a little scared but nonetheless I was clingy and annoying he hated it. I know I messed up i’m not usually like that He’s blocked my number and all. Is the NC rule right for me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Kay,

      Yeah, he already blocked you. So, if you keep trying to contact him,you’ll annoy him more.

    • Kay - 0

      Kay

      I’m weak and I contacted him on social media (he hasn’t blocked me on there) not sure if that’s a good sign or not, but i’m trying nc , I just miss him a ton and want to work it out

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      are you going to restart the no contact?

    • Kay - 0

      Kay

      Yes i’m restarting today, I’ve set it for a week so I can take things a week at a time

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hmm what do you mean? after one week you’ll contact him again? It will have less effect if the nc is done in that way. The more you do stop and start the nc, the less it’s effect because he’ll notice the pattern. It should be done in one big blow. Some do mini nc but in your case. You have to do a full one. You have to do 45 days.

    • Kay - 0

      Kay

      45 days and such is really long. I may reach out after a week I may not . But i’m giving at least a week of nc. After a week I know my feeling won’t be completely hurt and I won’t care as much

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes it’s long but that’s what’s usually recommended to people who has been a gnat, especially that you’re blocked.. he has to thik that you’ve moved on and not chasing him anymore.

      and to really increase your chances, you have to improve yourself during and after nc

  47. Marina - 0

    Marina

    Hi there,

    I am on 30 days of NC. My boyfriend and I broke up because he cheated on me with a married girl. I found out, and after that he said that he doesn’t know how our relationship will be for now and also he said that he doesn’t see a future with me anymore. I never cried in front of him, I was very serious and I told him “ok, if this is all you want, that’s fine. I can not push you to be with me”. He asked me if he can call me from time to time and I told him to NOT call me because we don’t have anything to discuss, only if he will need my help. We hugged each other, like a final breakup and I was wishing him good luck.
    After that I started NC rule. After 5 day of NC he texted me on Facebook a link about cancer (my mom has cancer). I did not respond, I only “seen” his text. And that was all. He did not send me any text or something.
    Question: why do you think he did not say anything? Maybe because he is ashamed because he cheated on me? I mean…. Do you think I will have any chance to be together with him?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Marina,

      maybe he is ashamed. I think you do have a chance. I think you handled the break up well and you conveyed your standards well. Now, you need to be active in improving yourself and in social media. Make him regret leaving you by being your best self and being happy.

  48. Marie Ann - 0

    Marie Ann

    Me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about 10 months now, ever since I called the relationships quit. Throughout the past 10 months he has done nothing but try and keep me in his life and pester me any chance he got so that I would start talking to him (his favourite was changing the password to my Sims game on his account). The first time that he managed to get me talking to him again, everything was fine until my boyfriend at that time didn’t like me talking to him and in turn I decided to stop talking to my ex boyfriend and concentrate on my new relationship, this angered my ex boyfriend. Eventually it came around again, more so recently, that my ex boyfriend tried contacting me by taking my Sims game away from me so that I would have to talk to him in order to get the password. I did ask for the password and in turn he gave me angry response back and blocked me on every possible social media including text so that I couldn’t bother him. I managed somehow to contact him through email asking could we speak, because at this point I was starting to get my old feelings back for him which had gone into hibernation for so long because I felt he didn’t love me towards the end of our relationship which in turned he showed me that he actually did and also because all his friends told me he wouldn’t shut up about me when they went out. He eventually listened to my feelings and my long explanation about how I felt about him and things started on a mutual ground again with us being friends. This involved us hanging out and so forth. Until, at a point it got too where I eventually confessed I still loved him to him and he agreed he loved me back (he has a girlfriend at this time), so we planned to leave our current partners and give it another shot. However, a week or so after this he turned around and called it quits to me and him giving it another shot on the basis he has a good thing now and also because a lot of other people wouldn’t be happy with us getting back together (more so his mother – which I explained I’d try my best to sort out for his sake). After this I’ve had nothing but messages off him saying he doesn’t know what he wants and also I tried the push and pull theory where I basically tried to make him jealous by saying I had a date and he kept messaging me after this wanting to know details and also that same night he wanted to see me. He came to see me after mentioning when he see’s me he may cry because he felt emotional and we drove off somewhere to have a chat. He mentioned that he had a good thing now and that if I was single at a certain time and he was, he would have give it another shot. Which I don’t understand why he would then but now? So I asked him did he ever think about me and he said yes, all the time, that he thinks about general life stuff and kids and marriage and I’m sat here so confused as to why he’s thinking about that with me when he has a new girlfriend who he is supposedly content with? Since then he’s messaged me everyday almost, and he has started every conversation and asks me why I ignore him when I don’t respond to him. I also pointed out to him that if he didn’t care of love me he wouldn’t message me all the time asking how I am or come to see me so that I have my daily dose of him so it makes me happy, as he also mentioned. He replied with I guess so. Is that a good guess so or a bad guess so? Also, after this I accidentally sent him a message saying ‘that’s it I’m done’ with a peace sign emoji and in an instant he saw the message until I quickly responded with ‘sorry wrong person’ to which he replied with ‘haha’. Was that a good reaction or a bad reaction? He also responded afterwards asking what was that about to which I said nothing and he said it must be something so spill and I said it is but nothing that he needs to worry about to which he responded with alright then. He’s also mentioned that he’s scared another happening would repeat that happened within our first relationship, which I reassured him it wouldn’t but he seems hesitant. I’ve now implemented the 30 days NC but I am worried whether I still have a chance? Will he actually become so content with his new girlfriend that he forgets about me or will it work? I need advice ASAP!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Marie Ann,
      We don’t guarantee that no contact will work but the only truth here is that he has a girlfriend, period. Let’s say he still has feelings for you but if you keep talking to him, giving him the benefits while he has a girlfriend, you’re giving him the benefits without being committed, what’s even worse is that while you know he has a girlfriend. That lowers your value in his eyes.

    • Marie Ann - 0

      Marie Ann

      What do you recommend that I do? Continue with the 30 day NC as its only day 2 or do I not have a chance at all?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      continue the nc.. that’s your chance to heal and improve.. and to make him see that you’re the better choice by ignoring him and improve yourself. Have your own life, grow, be the ungettable girl.
      CHeck this article to have an idea of what an ungettable girl is: THE UNGETTABLE GIRL

  49. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    My boyfriend and I have not been together very long (3 months). He has expressed his love for me, that he only wants to make me happy for the rest of his life…. we even moved in together. Three days after my car accident (which left me with a broken nose in at least 2 places, cracked ribs, 2 large lacerations on my face, and 9 stitches total), he cut off all contact from me. He said his daughter, “could have been in the accident with me and I really could have hurt her”. She wasn’t with me by the way. The day after the accident he had taken off work to take care of me, but I knew something was bothering him. He kept up the pretenses that “nothing was wrong”. But after day 3 he made it evident that, he, “needed time to think”. Not even a day later I get a call from one of his close girl friends that he has said I am “unfortunately, no longer his girlfriend”. It still says we are in a relationship on facebook and the last I knew he needed to think about things. I’m so confused. I did the panicy girlfriend thing the day I found I he needed space…. “Please let me come home baby”, “I’m sorry for whatever I did (having a car accident)”, “You know I love you and your daughter”…. text after text went unanswered. I even went so far as to call his brother and his daughter’s phone…. I didn’t understand. After 2 days of begging and pleading I read your suggestion about NO CONTACT. It’s been 3 days so far. I only share positive messages that seem like I’m doing great, but I’m far from it. My things are still in his house and I plan on going over there to retrieve them on Labor Day while he’s working and I’m not. I pray his daughter is not there but my father will be helping me lift things I cannot…. I suppose what I’m asking is, when he comes home and notices all my things gone, will he be angry with me and we will never have the possibility to get back together. We had all these plans, to move to Texas together. He said he loved me and now he doesn’t respond to anything I say or do. I plan on following a strict “NO CONTACT” for at least 30 days but if he messages me I have no idea what to say or if I should just ignore. I need my space this time. I feel completely rejected. I know I still love him and I want him to come back (this may change). Please give me some advice to get through this.

    Reply
    • Jessica - 0

      Jessica

      I guess I should have specified that the positive messages I’m sharing are on facebook which I know he can see but they have nothing to do with him just my life in general and they are true. Also, when I called him he either did not answer or hung up.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi jessica,

      if he gets angry, that’s just his way of regaining power because he expects you to chase.. If he texts, ignore it.. You can only break nc if he says he wants you back

  50. nothappy - 0

    nothappy

    Hi,
    we were together almost 3 years and it was a very complicated relationship.. I am married with someone but separated and he was with someone else when we fell in love with each other. he broke up eventually but I he didn’t tell me and I always felt very insecure and guilty about us. I am very open and direct whereas he is very opposite. I tried to break up/talk to him about us several times but he always calmed me down and told me that all will be fine soon. I am about to have a divorce and 2 weeks ago I txted him to say that seems like we lost our spark and he seems like to be my friend rather than my ‘lover’. first he disagreed then next day he txted to say that he prefers to be my good friend rather than failing me. I am so sad and we exchanged some txts since then. now he wants a space and time to sort out other problems in his life but I am obsessed with him and missing him deeply. in a way I fee like this is the end, at the same time i keep hoping as he didn’t say anything certain.. I thought I was a strong and confident woman! any opinions on what should I do? I am really tempted to txt him:(

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nothappy,

      Looks like he got tired of hearing that he’s not making an effort which, I think is true though.. For you, it was not enough. It looks like you had different love languages. He wants space right? THen you should do the no contact rule. Do 30 days and just focus in improving yourself. Make him miss you by not chasing and improving yourself.

    • Nya - 0

      Nya

      Hey. My Ex and I I guess you can say have been broken up since May but we still did things as if we were in a relationship. We share a toddler together (not his biological) since he’s raised since a baby but recently after meeting and knowing her for two weeks he completely had changed. This is someone I’ve known for literally over 11 years but dated for 4. He didn’t even come to our daughters birthday recently which made her really upset. I suspect this girl is in his ear saying some things to him. She hates the fact that he used to talk to me and how close we were. I initiated nc just Tuesday but it’s hard especially when you’ve known this person for years and we were doing the same thing. I guess I’m scared we will never talk again. And I really lost my best friend. Because he was truly that before anything else. I mean I know I was the only girl he was with for literally 4 years and he has mentioned he wants to try something new. But this girl he’s with is controlling and something we took years to build she manged to tear apart in months. People tell me he’ll eventually start missing me. There’s a lot of years you can’t just throw away. And to an extent , I believe it. I hope this helps

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nya,

      It looks like she’s a grasss is greener case..Even if it’s hard to nc, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Stay strong in it and make a new routine with your daughter.. Don’t chase. Do 45 days before reinitiating talking with him.

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