The No Contact Rule


The no contact rule isn’t really a complicated concept to grasp. You basically cut off all communication with your ex for a certain amount of time. Generally, the no contact rule occurs after a breakup. Yet, it’s amazing how many people have trouble doing this correctly. Thus, this page is meant to teach you how to successfully implement the no contact rule so you can put yourself in the best position to get your ex back.

(Disclaimer- I realize that this website is meant mostly for women who are trying to get their exes back. However, this particular page deals with a universal subject that can be used by both men and women. So, if you are trying to get an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back then you came to the right place.)

Let’s Cut To The Chase… Can You Get Your Ex Back With The NC Rule?

It is very possible. That is why you are here right, to get your ex boyfriend (or girlfriend) back? Here is the deal though, I realize that over time I have become the “no contact” guy since I am such an advocate for it. As a result of this stereotype there are women and even men coming to this site that are under the impression that the no contact rule is all you have to do to get an ex back. That is actually not true. Getting your ex back is a very complicated process (I am not going to lie) that has a lot of different components to it. The no contact rule is only one of those components.

Now, if what you really want is a step by step guide that will lay out “the gameplan” to getting an ex back for you then I am here to tell you that I have created such a resource. It took me two months and 20,000 words but I did it. Check it out below:

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

What Is The No Contact Rule?

As stated above, it is basically an agreement with yourself that you are going to cut your ex out of your life for a certain period of time. Let me put this in terms that you will hopefully make things clearer:

Doing The Following Things Are NOT Allowed

  • Calling your ex on your phone.
  • Texting your ex.
  • Hanging out with them.
  • Emailing them.
  • Leaving your ex notes.
  • Bumping into them on purpose.

How Long To Keep No Contact Going?


Believe it or not but a lot of experts debate on this subject. Some will swear that 60 days (or two months) of not contacting an ex is optimal. Others claim that 90 days (or three months) is the way to go. I personally don’t agree with either of those assessments but then again each broken relationship is different and will require unique individual time frames. With that being said I believe that a minimum of 30 days is the way to go. This amount of time will give you and your ex enough breathing room to calm down and look at the situation more rationally.

Situations Where It Is Impossible To Avoid Contact

no eye contact

There will be certain situations where it will be impossible to ignore your ex. Remember, your goal with a no contact period is not to become a jerk so there is no reason to use it that way. If you find yourself in these situations and ONLY IN THESE SITUATIONS you can break your no contact agreement but there is a certain way you have to act.

Situation 1- If you have kids with the person. No contact in this case can be tricky. Your goal is to remain calm, civil and pleasant during any interactions with your ex. However, keep any talking simple and short. If you immediately cave and start talking about your feelings not only will you turn the person completely off but having a “feelings” conversation in front of your kids probably isn’t the best venue. After your interaction go straight back into no contact mode. This means no calling, texting or facebooking them.

Situation 2- If you live with this person even after the breakup. No doubt it can be really tricky to “no contact” a person when they are literally living with you. While this situation may suck it certainly isn’t impossible to cut off a significant portion of your contact with them. Your goal in this case is to be a very respectful roommate. However, you also need to remember that you are creating a new life of which they are separate from (or you need to appear to be creating one.) Again, keep any conversation simple, short and pleasant.

Situation 3- This one isn’t really like the other situations. Your ex may call you or show up on your doorstep wanting to collect their belongings. If this happens don’t be a jerk and prevent them from getting their stuff. You should know the drill, keep any conversation short and simple. If they try to talk about your relationship don’t get baited into doing so.

I Broke The No Contact Rule. What Now?


So, we have already established that in order to do a NC (No Contact Rule) correctly you are going to have essentially cut your ex out of your life for a minimum of 30 days. Now, a lot of you may be thinking that doing that is a piece of cake. If so, then you would be dead wrong. You’d be surprised at the amount of people who break on the first day. It can be especially hard when your heart is begging you to just pick up the phone and type a simple text message to your ex. Unfortunately, by breaking NC you are losing power and control over your relationship which at this stage is a very bad thing.

Besides, breaking the NC means you have to start over from day one. For example, lets just say that you advanced 15 days without even initiating contact with your ex (he/she may have contacted you but we will talk about that later on this page.) However, on day 16 you cave and contact them. Well, by doing this you are going to have to start your NC period over again FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. In order for this process to work you need to prove that you can go 30 full days without relying on your ex for a conversation.

A Stressful Choice

You may find that as you embark on this essential 30 day freeze out from your ex that they may try to initiate contact with you. If this happens I guarantee you that you are going to want to talk to them. Maybe they call you. Maybe they send you that simple one word text “hey.” Whatever happens DO NOT CAVE IN if this contact comes before the allotted 30 days. Even then though, you can’t begin to think about talking to your ex until you complete some of the other things outlined on this page which leads us to our next section…

What To Do During The No Contact Period


You didn’t think you were just going to sit around on the couch all day catching up on re-runs of Friends during this time did you? No, I am very big into remaining active and so should you. This is a perfect time to improve yourself which is exactly what you are going to be doing during this time. You are going to become the best version of yourself mentally and physically! But first I feel compelled to mention:

Behaviors To Avoid

  •  Staying at home all day or refusing to go out.
  • Drinking too much alcohol.
  • Sleeping all day long.
  • Telling everyone you have ever known about your breakup.
  • Making major life decisions.
  • Calling in sick to work.

The smartest thing that you can do during NC is to improve yourself both mentally and physically. Lets start by taking a look at how you can improve yourself physically.

Positive Physical Changes

change your appearance

Break-ups can happen for many different reasons. However, if you know for a fact that your ex became less attracted to you over the course of your relationship you can work to change that. When talking about physical changes during the NC period you should aim to become the sexiest version of yourself. For example, if you let yourself go a little bit during the relationship then it would be wise to use your time getting in better physical shape. Not only are the health benefits immense to getting in good shape but it can legitimately be a step in the right direction to getting an ex boyfriend or girlfriend back. Lets take a look at more positive physical changes you can make in your life:

  • Lose weight (if you are overweight.)
  • Quit smoking (especially if your ex significant other had a problem with this.)
  • Update your wardrobe.
  • Get a new haircut.
  • Be sure that your hygiene is taken care of.
  • Clean up your diet.
  • Treat any skin problems you may have (example: acne.)

Positive Mental Changes

best activites during no contact

Becoming the sexiest version of yourself is only half the battle when it comes to taking a positive step towards getting your ex back. In fact, you could make the argument that the mental side of things during the no contact period is even more important than the physical side. First off, let me define what I am going to include in this section. Obviously the positive mental changes is going to cover mental aspects but it will also help you understand the importance of not falling off the map socially. Lets take a look at what some of the most important mental changes you can make are:

  • Prepare yourself for the fact that there is no guarantee that you will be getting your ex back.
  • Do some brainstorming and determine what the real reason of your breakup with your ex was.
  • Keep your friends close and confide in them. They are there to listen.
  • If your friends are going out or you are invited out, GO!
  • Don’t be afraid to go on a date with someone new if you really want to. It’s ok, this can actually help you get your ex boyfriend back.

Why The No Contact Rule Works


In this section we are going to study some of the major benefits to implementing a NC rule immediately after your breakup. Hopefully this section will make you realize the true importance of not talking to your ex for 30 days. By now you should realize that the NC rule is important even if you aren’t trying to get your ex back because it will force you to focus on the most important thing, YOU!

Right now you are crazy. Immediately after a breakup is when you are at your most… “emotional” state. Taking a break from your ex for a minimum of 30 days will give you time to calm down and think more rationally. Not only this but it will give your ex some time to calm down as well. Nothing is going to get accomplished if the both of you are constantly a word away from getting into an argument.

It’s a psychological tactic to getting your ex back if you want. Think of it this way, by ignoring your ex they are going to begin to wonder why he/she isn’t begging me to take them back. It’s interesting, because it allows you to essentially turn the tables on them and gain control over the situation.

Instead of focusing on fighting with your ex you can focus on healing. The no contact rule isn’t just a psychological tactic to getting your ex back it is also a way to ensure that you have time to properly heal. breakup up sucks no if’s, and’s or buts about it. With a month of free time away from your ex you can really get a lot done in the healing department.

Prevents the infamous on again-off again relationship. I am sure you have met one of these types of couples that break up every few months only to get back together again after a few weeks. Healthy relationships are not built on a shaky foundation. They are built by strong ones and the no contact period allows you the proper amount of time to start building that strong foundation again.

You might learn after some soul searching that you don’t want to get back with this person again. This happens a lot more than you realize. Someone who feels so strongly about their ex goes on the 30 day freeze out period and after the 30 days are up they realize that they have no desire to get back with this person again.

Learn How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back
Put your email address in the box to the right to follow along day by day as I show two women (Sarah and Kai) exactly what they need to do to get their ex boyfriends back.
3,067 Responses to The No Contact Rule
  1. Dania
    October 13, 2014 | 10:31 pm

    Hi dear,
    Thanks for the beautiful words. My situation is different. he broke up with me because his father didn’t agree to marry me now, since he is applying for another nationality (He is Moroccan and living in gulf), so if he marry me now he may destroy everything his dad did to apply this papers. He said i am sorry but my dad wants me to wait and i wont let you wait for me since i don’t know when my paper is done! he said: I tried my best to convince him but my dad is stubborn!
    Should i send him back the sunglasses he bought me? and his T-shirt?
    At the last call i cried telling him to try his best and find a solution, I was so stupid and weak! Its has been 1 week now and i didn’t contact him. the same day he broke up with me he blocked me on instagram and twitter and FB! he said that he don’t want me to follow him and feel hurt or cry! what is this?! Please tell me what to do? am i doing the right thing by not contacting him? should i send him his gifts and T-shirt? is there any hope that he may come back?
    Thanks a lot in advance. :)

    • admin
      October 14, 2014 | 3:55 pm

      Wait, HIS father is preventing him from marrying you?

  2. Nick
    October 9, 2014 | 4:27 am

    Hey so me and my girlfriend broke up. We broke up on October 2nd and when we broke up you could say I was a little needy and tried contacting her. She said she wanted to be friends and that she just lost her feelings for me. But on October 5th I started the “no contact rule”. Her and I dated almost 7 months and had a very happy relationship and made lots of great memories together. She is 16 and I’m 18, so she’s a sophomore in high school and I just started my first semester of college. So on the day we broke up I was at her house and this was October 2nd I told her we needed to talk because I knew that something was wrong between us. So we talked and basically she ended it, we both started crying and were pretty emotional, I begged her not to do it. But we ended it good I guess and agreed just to ge friends for now. I DONT WANNA BE FRIENDS. During the night we broke up we went out to dinner with her and one of her friends, so it wasn’t that bad of a breakup. She told me things were just getting stressful, we were constantly always texting everyday and we had to let each other know where we were at, and who we were with, and if she was hanging out with her girlfriend’s and the girls had a guy come over I would get jealous. But we loved eachother alot and she told me she just doesn’t wanna date right now and she feels in the future that she wants to date me again and when she gets lonely she will come back to me. But I also don’t know if that was just stuff she made up. She also said let’s be friends for now. So the day after the break up I was kinda needy but the second day which was October 4th you could say I was really needy and I just kept trying to call and text with no response but later in the day I got a response and she said we would text later that night. I just feel for now she needs her time to think and get rid of all the negative things between us and then she’ll start reminiscing about all of our great memories together. I love her very much still and I have hope for us in the future or even maybe in the next 30 days or so. I just want to get your feedback on all of this and see what you guys think. I know we will either be friends after the 30 days or be back together. I guess I just wanna know when shes going to start missing me and try contacting me. And what time that will be, I’ve heard it usually happens during the two to three weeks of the process. I’m also wondering if at the end of the thirty days and if she doesn’t contact me at all, would it be stupid to contact her or should I give it more time. I would really like to get a women’s side of this feedback. Thank you so much and I hope for some feedback (:

    • FallenRobot
      October 10, 2014 | 3:32 pm

      Alright I’m going to respond before Chris, since you want a girl’s point of view, and I don’t think he fits that qualifier.

      I seriously just had this conversation with a friend, except they’re still together. So you’ve already admitted that you were needy/clingy, well to me, and most girls I talk to, that’s simply NOT attractive. I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve broken up with because they were too clingy or got mad when I hung out with my guy friends. And then afterwards they basically begged for me back and bombarded me with messages and such leading to me being grateful that I cut it off.

      One thing I noticed with you is that you said that she’s getting stressed, and since you just got out of high school you should know that it is very stressful. If she’s anything like me and the people I know she probably set aside her homework and chores each night to talk to you and that would cause a back up of stuff to do, and that plus slipping grades is pretty frickin stressful.

      I honestly think NC will be good for you. It’ll give you some time to adapt to not having contact with her 24/7 and it will give her a chance to destress, and once she notices that you haven’t been contacting her she’ll contact you out of worry and curiosity. Then bam, you have contact, dont leave NC too early though, and Chris can do his part with NC.

      ALSO if she does try to come back because she’s “lonely” think about it long and hard, because that’s not a good reason to get in a relationship. Although she could be saying that because she doesn’t know a better way to describe it, it’s still something you need to consider.

  3. Kathryn
    October 9, 2014 | 3:50 am

    It’s been over 30 days since I started the no contact rule and neither one of us has contacted each other. I am still blocked on Snap chat but not on Facebook. Should I still make an effort to contact him or give up on it completely?

  4. Holly
    October 9, 2014 | 3:01 am

    I am on day 6 of NC. My ex an I broke put back in June and I allowed us to act as though we were still together, even though he did not want to be official. I sent him an email asking for space to find out how I feel and to think of him as a friend a few days ago. But since then he has texted me everyday. Things like “you shouldn’t be mad”, “are you mad I hung out with (girls name)” (I didn’t know he had hung out with one), “I haven’t slept with anyone. Not that it should matter. And I still have feelings for you” and “have a good night” the last example has been every night. I know I need space to make the break, but with him texting me so much it’s so hard. Do I continue the NC rule or break it?

  5. Shaena
    October 8, 2014 | 10:53 pm

    I love your site, thanks for putting it all out there for us! :) Here’s my condensed story – met a guy through mutual friends and over the course of 3 months we fell in love. It was the kind of passionate, all consuming love that I’ve always dreamed of. Prior to this we were both pretty solid “players” and neither of us had any desire to be in a relationship, but it kind of happened anyways. He was actually the first one to say I love you. He was the epitome of perfection for those 3 months, but then on month 4 things started to change and he suddenly became distant and questioned my love constantly. One day he came over and ended things abruptly giving the reason that I blew him off a few days earlier for a football game (I know the irony of it all, but I love football & tailgating!). Now obviously that’s a ridiculous reason to throw away an entire relationship. A few days later he sleeps with some random chic, whatever I don’t really care. We try to work things out but he’s not quite there all the way & I can sense it. Then another week goes by & I go out of town to visit my family in an attempt to gain perspective on the entire situation. Btw, right before I leave we spend an amazing day together and things seemed pretty good. He then proceeds to turn his phone off for a few days and when he finally turns it back on, he calls to tell me he spent the past few days with someone else, he’s confused (no shit), he needs to cut ties completely, and that “I’m just going to break your heart over and over again.”

    I have respect for myself & DID cut ties, no contact whatsoever. Today will be day 8 for no contact. He tried to text me and call on Monday, thankfully I was distracted with the game & enjoying beer with friends. It basically took me almost a month to finally get myself normal again from the day he initially broke up with me. I was crying for 3 days when it first happened & just felt this profound sadness every morning when I woke up. I should mention that this is the first time I’ve ever been in love AND the first time anyone has ever broken up with me. Also, I’m 31 and he’s 25.

    From all the stories you’ve encountered I’m VERY curious as to your opinion on this man and if he’s even mature enough to handle a relationship. He seemed like it those first 3 months but now I’m wondering if he’s actually capable of sustaining a successful relationship and manage his own life simultaneously.

    Thank you!

    • admin
      October 9, 2014 | 1:43 pm

      May I ask what caused him to question your love?

      • Shaena
        October 9, 2014 | 2:31 pm

        No clue, nothing happened that I can pinpoint as a reason. He said that I wasn’t giving him all my love and that he needed more from me. In one of his recent voicemails he said he was scared and thought that maybe my love was all a “front” which seems absurd. Why would I pretend to be in love with him?

  6. Annabelle
    October 8, 2014 | 3:12 pm


    Its been a week today since i last spoke to my boyfriend. It was out of the blue what had happened. The argument mostly involved him saying i dont make effort, (i disagree of course ) he is very clingy of my time, even his family said this to me. I am independant so i like my alone time more than he. anyways i apologised and offered to make more effort. This later ended him saying i just need time alone to think. so i left him to it. I think 30 days is way too long for my situation though. niether of us has contacted each other. My dad sees him at work and he looks sulky. I feel its time to make contact soon but should i be the one to make it? as he feels im in wrong though he too had hurt me with what he said during the argument.I love him a lot, and i dont think all this is worth throwing away a lovely relationship that it was.

    • admin
      October 9, 2014 | 1:27 pm

      Yes, you make contact. To me, it seems like he didn’t feel wanted enough by you.

  7. Anon
    October 4, 2014 | 2:54 pm

    Hi Chris,

    You mentioned that NC can be anywhere from 30-90 days, but that you recommend 30. In which types of situations do you think it would be beneficial to extend NC longer than 30 days?

    • admin
      October 6, 2014 | 12:00 pm

      Situations where the breakup was just devastating and a lot of horrible things were said.

  8. Shelly
    October 3, 2014 | 4:48 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I was dating this guy and early on after 2 mos he said he couldn’t handle commitment. We kept seeing each other and ended up getting more serious – with me casually dating and him not but we still were sleeping together. I couldn’t get over him so any casual dates just didn’t work out. The next 4 mos were a roller coaster of me getting sad about what was going on and him confused about his feelings for me. I think for him he thought he would just date for fun but fell in love. We had a horrible break up the things I said and we said to each other were awful but every time we kept coming back to each other.

    When we last spoke he told me he was dating someone and he said he loved me didn’t like that I didn’t say it back and he would miss me but wanted me to leave him alone so he could heal and move on and I agreed. I only sent a text on his birthday 4 days after we agreed to go no contact. he said he regrets what happened with us and talking to me is a constant reminder of his regrets. It’s been weeks since I sent that text and roughly 3 since I spoke to him. He has someone he is seeing who he told me was the one (I think he was trying to be hurtful). Is this salvageable? He hasn’t reached out to me at all he said if I try to contact him he won’t respond and he needs at least 3 mos to move on and asked that I give him that time to heal. I was the one usually initiating contact but he was always there and available.

    • Shelly
      October 3, 2014 | 5:33 pm

      Also, I don’t see myself ever contacting him again – I deleted his number and only have his email. I don’t want to get in the way of whats going on with this new girl b/c I think it will make me look bad. I just don’t get how he could be super into he just met and not have lingering feelings for me. I don’t want to wait 3 mos to contact I want him to contact me now. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him but I was tired of feeling rejected all the time from how confused he was.

    • admin
      October 6, 2014 | 11:28 am

      Its salvagable… Just go into NC and do things on your terms and not his.

      • Shelly
        October 6, 2014 | 1:42 pm

        What if he never contacts me during no contact? I’ve been debating whether I should contact him again now b/c when I left things I was an emotional mess now he has a new gf who is probably super fun and exciting and I don’t want his last thought of me to be the messy ex who wouldn’t leave him alone. Should I contact and show him I’ve improved. I’ve been super together emotionally and working out/eating right – lost 10 lbs. I always look very nice and took care of myself.

        • Shelly
          October 6, 2014 | 5:31 pm

          Does it seem desperate to contact if he is dating someone else?

          • admin
            October 7, 2014 | 1:34 pm

            It depends on how you do it I suppose.

        • admin
          October 7, 2014 | 1:29 pm

          You should read the article, what to do if your ex doesn’t contact you during NC. I literally wrote an entire article on the situation.

          • Shelly
            October 7, 2014 | 1:52 pm

            ok thanks! I ended up seeing him this morning on the way to work…we live near each other. Didn’t speak he seemed very angry with me.

            • Shelly
              October 7, 2014 | 3:08 pm

              And I did see the article about what to do if your ex is angry. I thought enough time had went by but I think seeing me brought out emotions for him.

              • admin
                October 8, 2014 | 12:44 pm

                Or maybe not enough time went by for him to act rationally yet.

                • Shelly
                  October 9, 2014 | 3:48 pm

                  Maybe, but also ended up emailing him and he responded negatively, so when I saw him it was extra weird

  9. Pat
    October 1, 2014 | 3:36 pm


    I recently found this site and reading it in detail. My boyfriend had moved in and things where great till i recently cheated on the him, he found out because he had my apartment recorded while he was away for work. He came home and listene to it the next night. He packed up everything in the apartment and left. I have been going back and fourth about contacting him. I had not talked to him i played him our fav movie theme song 3 days after he left and then texted him 5 days after he left that inhope he landed safe and sound. i got no response. then i started the No contact, so it’s been 16 days. I want to reach out and very nervouse. Any suggestions????


    • admin
      October 3, 2014 | 2:00 pm

      Why did you cheat on him? What caused you to do it in the first place?

  10. Rose
    September 30, 2014 | 10:33 pm

    Hi dear Crise, its my 28 day NC,no fail, just one time when I found out its him keep calling me with privet number. And not talk,told him I knew its him and stop it! Then he stoped but then not as much but time to time he called with privet,then afew massege or voice on my viber but with very cold type of talk, that i wanted to bring ur coat,or can u call me or answer my call,he says, ” i dont take much of ur time “he dosnt beg or anything, its very very cold, and the last one was today which was very formal, by the way we had a fight, and then he told me he dosnt love me any more no feeling….I feel awfull, do u tbink he loves me! Am confuse, plz help me:)

    • admin
      October 1, 2014 | 3:49 pm

      Seems to me you are being too available for him.

      • Rose
        October 1, 2014 | 10:49 pm

        Hi!! Ur answer is very strenge!! As I mentiond I havent been in touch or answering any of his calls,texts, voice….at all !! So I kept my NC rull set as stone!and u saying ive been to available for him!????

        • admin
          October 3, 2014 | 2:23 pm

          You are absolutely right rose. That is my bad.

          What happened is I got your answer and another posters answer crossed (there are literally thousands of situations I have to deal with.)

          I dropped the ball there.

          I apologize.

  11. Averey
    September 29, 2014 | 7:03 pm

    Just started the NC with a guy I never dated but really like. He usually is the one leaving me hanging. I’m normally the last to text even though I always tell myself not to respond. I finally put my foot down after reading this and just stopped contacting him.

    It’s only been 3 maybe 4 hours and he has already texted me three times. I’ve never seen him act like this before. It’s empowering! Hopefully this changes the way he views me and starts taking my feelings more seriously. Or maybe (hopefully?) the opposite and I can finally move on. All I know is I deserve to be treated better.

    Thank you!

    • admin
      September 30, 2014 | 2:55 pm

      NC really is only supposed to be for people you have dated.

      • Averey
        September 30, 2014 | 4:11 pm


  12. ale
    September 29, 2014 | 4:39 pm

    hi chris. it’s been around 5/6 weeks since we last spoke/ seen each other. i told him i was backing off since he wants to date the 4 girls he is dating and i want a relationship. he got angry, saying i don’t understand him and that i make him sad (despite him getting in touch originally and him asking me to go out) but when i asked him to say why i make him sad, he couldn’t reply. i told him maybe it is because i remind him of how he can be and he nodded. the next day he texted saying he felt bad, didn’t know what to do, didn’t want to disrespect me or himself, slide back, but didn’t want to lose me. i told him maybe he should lose me to see what he feels. the next day he contacted me again with the excuse of some guy faking his own death to dump his girlfriend, saying that is emotional avoidance but he is not so bad. i told him again backing off means no texting (too easy otherwise, you go out, sleep with these girls, then i am there for the intelligent talks) and that i was disappearing hoping it would be good to us both. he went rude again saying disappear then, for which i told him off, and then sad don’t drag it out. haven’t heard from him since, not even a text on my birthday. today i bumped into his instagram by accident (thanks to a friend) and he has pictures with me in it, pictures i took last year on holiday. one of the pictures was one i took in june last year, him writing, and he says something like “struggle to write but the camera doesn’t care#separations” – the hashtag was the title of the email he sent when got in touch, and dates about 5 weeks ago. i miss him, despite everything. i don’t seem to be able to move on because i cannot accept why getting in touch, kiss me, behave like a boyfriend for a day, say i would make you happy, then backing off, pushing me away and retracting the apologies… thoughts? ideas? help? thank you.

    • admin
      September 30, 2014 | 2:47 pm


      Are you serious???

      • Ale
        September 30, 2014 | 9:07 pm

        Yes I am unfortunately. Don’t get me wrong, he knows I am not happy with it. Fair to say we have not been together for six months so he can do what he wants, it just bothers me that he got in touch, gave mixed signals then backed off. He is going through heavy stuff (finally accepting the abuse he suffered) and I guess it is a way to escape reality of a relationship. I got in touch today after 7 weeks of no contact to say what I believe and feel. He replied saying he misses me and would like to leave the past behind. Thoughts? I know this is not the average simple thing, mostly because of the heavy stuff he suffered in his childhood, and yes, I agree with your feeling of puzzlement…

        • admin
          October 1, 2014 | 3:49 pm

          Seems like a good response. Do you have any plans to see him again?

          • ale
            October 1, 2014 | 11:21 pm

            Maybe next week. I am trying not expect much nor repeat my mistakes. I told him right now I don’t want to know about dating but only why we have such a strong connection, he agreed and said this is why he replied. Gave me compliments on my looks and asked if I could help him out with his look, and generally been chatting. I am aware a lot has been said and done and the dating buggers me, but it’s either we manage to move forward or worst it can happen I will keep feeling like this. I feel I have nothing to lose… He seems more open so fingers crossed, but I am trying to keep it real.

  13. Chris
    September 18, 2014 | 7:07 pm

    My girlfriend of 4 months broke up with me for the 2nd time two days ago. Both times have been because her feelings simply dissapear after a while. She told me this was the 3rd time this has happened to her, and that she simply thinks that she’s not ready for a relationship. The last time she broke up with me, I applied the NC rule for over a month before she told me that she wanted me back.
    My questions are: how do I know when the NC rule starts working? And how do I know when I’m ready to be friends with her again? We have been friends for over 3 years, and both of us feel that we need each other in our lives. (Even if it’s not on a relationship level) Note that I’m not trying to get her back.. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”
    Thank you,

    • admin
      September 29, 2014 | 12:44 pm

      Hi Chris,

      I would love to direct you to my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery.

  14. Marisol
    September 15, 2014 | 10:45 pm

    I came across your article today and I’m hooked. I will make this short since you get plenty of emails. I have been dating my ex for 10 years on and off because he has cheated and enjoy the party life. We decided to buy a house and move in together he claims he was ready to make this work, we had our ups and down fixing and remolding the home and after 3 months a found out he was talking to the same girl he cheated on me before. I told him that it was better if we go our separate ways and he told me ” I won’t come back if a step out of this house” It’s been 2 months and I miss him so much and wish things will be different, we text at least 4 times per week but never to get back because his really upset I kicked him out. I spoke to him today and he told me that he doesn’t know what he wants or if he wants to work things out anymore, he hasn’t show me any effort to making things work out because his really mad and hurt. My question for you is what should I do should I ignore his messages and if I do what should be the last thing I should tell him before ignoring him completely. I wish I can go more into detail but I know you have more people to help out. He tells me I love you and miss you but this will not work and his Ego is so big it won’t allow him to look beyond that.
    Thank you,
    Marisol Guzman

    • admin
      September 16, 2014 | 3:22 pm

      Hi Marisol,

      First off, I am glad you left him. He is a scumbag who cheated on you multiple times. Men like that shouldn’t be rewarded with a good girl like you. Tell me, how long have you don the NC rule for?

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