Does Your Ex Boyfriend Still Care About You? Let’s Find Out Together!

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

So, this morning I learned two lessons.

Don’t take your vitamins after you’ve been eating almonds, and don’t open those stupid LinkedIn emails.

You know the ones.

“Ashley, people have been checking out your profile.”

linkd-in-email

I keep my LinkedIn updated, but I rarely use it as a networking tool and I almost always drag and drop those right into the trash, but today… oh today… today I had to decide to open that stupid email and only to find my ex’s face staring up at me from the screen.

There it was.

I had gone out of my way to avoid looking at any of his profiles since we split and I had been doing a damn good job of it, if I do say so myself.

Suddenly, hundreds of what-ifs and questions started swimming around my head. You know those silly thoughts that cross every girl’s mind when any reason rears its head after a breakup. We don’t just jump to small conclusions either. We follow them like rabbit trails to extremes.

I know he’s been acting like a complete jerk, but clearly this means he misses me, right?

Maybe he wants to get back together?

Would I even take him back if he did?

Thankfully, saner heads prevailed. I came to the conclusion that either he did it by mistake or he just saw that I got a new job and was just satiating his curiosity.

Either way, I had the option to delude myself into thinking it was something it wasn’t. I chose not to lie to myself. I am so much better off because of it.

I was trying to figure out a way to lead into this article when this happened, and I cannot think of a better illustration of the things men do after a breakup that just leave us going, “Huh?”

Allow me to elaborate.

After a break up, even if we’re the ones that did the breaking up, we will always be left wondering what’s going on in the other person’s head.

I mean, no one wants to hear that their ex got over them without any problems what-so-ever. Pride’s a funny thing like that. It is the driving force behind so many of the situations I want to talk about today.

Hope is another major player in this case. In fact, if we were the dumpee, this curiosity is inflamed by some sort of hope that he will see reason and come running back, like being lost in the dessert and seeing mirages everywhere you turn.

So, here’s what I have decided to do.

I have put together a list of… let’s call them “behaviors” that men engage in after a breakup that make you wonder,

“Does he still care about me?”

There are a total of nine of them,

  1. Drunk Texting
  2. Liking Your Pics And Then Removing You From Social Media
  3. Double Standards
  4. Completely Ignoring You
  5. Jealousy
  6. Being A Complete Jerk
  7. Jumping Into A New Relationship
  8. Staying Friends (Hoping For Benefits)
  9. Contacting You After You Asked For Space

And I am going to dissect these behaviors for you so we can actually answer that eternal question of,

“Does he care?”

Let’s begin!

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#1: He Drunk Texts You

It’s two o’clock in the morning. Your phone dings that familiar “ding”.

You sleepily reach under your pillow and bring the blinding screen to your face.

drunk-text

Seriously?

They’re rapid fire and, for a grammar nazi like him, they’re a wreck.

He’s drunk.

You consider responding.

It’d be nice to sleep next to him again or even just be friends.

But then you think about last week when you got a similar stream of texts from him early in the morning, you answered trying to make sure he got home okay. Only for him to pass out mid text, leaving those annoying three little dots dancing on your screen.

You saw him at school the next day and dammit if he didn’t treat you worse than he did before.

His side

He and some of his guy friends went out to grab some beers and catch a game. His friend, Sam brought his girlfriend. They spent the entire time playing grab-ass and being sickeningly sweet.

His other friends picked up some girls from the bar before they left. He went to pay his tab and realized that he was going home alone.

He had been out of the dating game for a while now. Suddenly, he started thinking about those times when he didn’t have to feel this way. Walking out of the bar, his drunk brain said,

“We should tell her we miss her. That’s a nice thing to do. Maybe she’ll be nice back. We could maybe hook up this once.”

So he texted you.

And whether you answer, or you don’t, he will always wake up in the morning and remember the reasons the two of you split in the first place.

He’ll spend the next few days scolding himself for ever texting you and heaven forbid if you see him or try to reach out to him. In an effort to keep himself from doing it again, he’ll try to push you away by being mean.

Let me show you something.

I asked my bestie (also an ex) what kind of weird things he’d do after a break up.

Here’s a screenshot of that conversation,

text-from-j1

text-from-j2

Yes, I asked if I could share it with you guys.

What kind of monster do you think I am?

How to Deal

Remind yourself when you get those texts, that if he can’t say it sober and during business hours (you know, when you’re awake), then it’s probably not worth hanging your hat on.

Men are impulsive and reactive. They will do whatever they can to make themselves feel better when they feel bad. That’s why there are so many middle aged men driving sports cars out there.

md-life-crisis

#2: Liking Your Posts or Pics And Then Removing You From Social Media

You posted some pictures of your fun weekend spent with and family.

And there it is again his name, among your notifications, like a beacon in the vast ocean that is birthday notifications and the 200 pictures of your cousin’s baby bump that all look almost friends identical. (We get it! You’re pregnant! We’re excited for you! Quit it already!)

Now you’re just sitting there staring at the screen.

“What does this even mean?”

A few days later you notice, by mere coincidence, (You weren’t stalking his page or anything.) that he’s not only unfriended you, but he’s blocked you!

“Seriously, what does this even mean?”

His Side

This falls along the same lines as the drunk text. So, as he was scrolling down his feed he saw your picture. It was in all likeliness an impulse. You two were together and he probably liked a LOT of your pictures during that time.

Men assume everything means way more to us than it might. So assuming you will read into it, he did the only thing he knows will keep him from doing it again.

Shoot.

Now you’ll read into that too.

No matter what he does now he’s sure to feel guilty or attacked somehow.

How to Deal

Girl, come on.

It’s just a picture or a post online.

It’s not like he sent a gold crested eagle (Do those even exist? I think I made that up) delivering a message telling you he’s happy you had a good time last weekend.

eagle-with-message

He literally clicked one button out of habit.

Don’t get your panties in a bunch.

#3: Double Standards

He started seeing someone right out of the gate. It took you a little longer to get your footing, so-to-speak. Now you’ve started talking to someone new.

You and your new guy see your ex at a party. He is casting glares and throwing a tantrum like it’s a personal affront to his very existence that you’d even consider moving on. Clearly he wants you back. Right? Why else wouldn’t he want you to move on?

WRONG!!

His Side

Your break up was inevitable. If he was dating someone new so soon, he was already scouting talent before he ever even considered breaking up with you.

But now, he sees you with guy number two and he finds himself having competitive thoughts.

“I’m taller than he is.”

“Does he have better calves than me?”

And yes he’s definitely thinking

“I bet I’m bigger.”

It’s not that he wants you to be his again. He just feels a little replaced. That’s okay. He was.

Everyone wants to feel special, and right now he’s just baffled that you could move on after him at all.
Is he not all that is man?

*Cue beating on chest and territorial tribal dance*

caveman-tendencies

How to Deal

Don’t. There’s nothing to deal with. He’s looking to get a response from you, some reassurance. In my opinion, he’s not necessarily deserving of it.

Dang it, now I’m going to be singing Sarah Bareilles’ “Love Song” for the rest of the day.

But it’s like she says, you should have to tell someone you love them just to make them feel better.

Imagine how your date, who actually likes you and chose to come to the party with you will feel when you are suddenly trying to downplay your relationship to make your ex who was a butthead feel better. Isn’t that a little backwards?

But don’t go to the other extreme either. Don’t try to play up your relationship with your date to make your ex feel worse. Yes, we get it.

He was a jerk, but your new date doesn’t deserve to be a pawn either. If you can’t enjoy your date without reacting to your ex’s presence, perhaps you should relocate to an area away from him or perhaps simply suggest that you and your date go elsewhere, so you can actually enjoy your evening together.

#4: Completely Ignoring You

He completely cut you out after you split. He doesn’t respond to texts, phone calls, or anything. It’s like he disappeared of the face of the planet.

Didn’t the connection you forged mean anything at all? Did you just waste the last 3,4 5 months or years of your life?

His Side

It’s easier for him to get over the relationship without you around. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It is almost just as difficult to cut someone out of your life as it is to be cut out.

How to Deal

Perhaps one day the two of you will be in each other’s orbit again, but for now, take the space to let yourself get over it.

#5: Tries to Make You Jealous

He dumped you, and now he’s acting like he was wronged, parading his exploits around in front of you.

“Is he really so heartless? Did I do something to deserve being treated this way?”

You think to yourself.

His Side

“Man, I’ve been with the same woman for X amount of time, I’m just glad to know that other women still exist and are interested in me.”

Seriously though, even if he dumped you, it still hurts.

He’s numbing the pain with one of the three things that preside over anything else for a man, Sex. (The other two are food and survival.)

How to Deal

Okay, here’s what you’re going to do.

Be happy for him. He’s found a way to satiate the pain of the split.

Go him!

It may not be a very healthy way to go about it, but hey, at least he’s not doing anything too crazy, like quitting his job and going to live among the tribes in Africa.

#6: Starts Being a Compete Jerk to You

You two run in the same circles. You actually see each other quite a bit, except something has changed. Not just that you two aren’t a couple any more. He’s different.

He’s cold and mean. He throws shade at you every chance he gets. He even calls you names, not just to you but to his friends.

Even after you two split up, you’ve been completely civil and nice to him. What could have prompted this kind of treatment?

His Side

He probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing this. It’s part of that territorial thing we were talking about before. It’s like having a hair hanging down tickling your arm that you can’t quite see, except YOU are the irritant.

His happy little circle hasn’t changed at all other than you are no longer a comfort you are a reminder that he feels guilty or hurt. His angry little jabs are his way of swiping at the hair trying to remove it.

His brain recognizes you as what is keeping him from being happy, so It is simply trying to remove you from his environment the only way it knows how, aggression.

How to Deal

Ignore it if you can and address it if you must. If you ignore it and remain in his environment, you will find that you will reestablish yourself as a new type of comfortable as opposed to the relationship kind of comfortable.

He’ll just get over it and settle in over time.
If you must address it.

Simply ask him to talk and point out that he’s been kind of rude to you since your split and you’d appreciate it if he’d dial it back a notch. He doesn’t have to be nice, he just doesn’t need to be so aggressive.

#7: Jumps Head First into a New Relationship

You’ve only been broken up for what feels like five minutes and he’s already got some new girl on his arm. I cannot even begin to explain to you how easy it is to understand what you’re going through.

Oh wait, yes I can.

I just got through dealing with this and it SUCKS!

Right now, all you want to know is how this reflects on you. What about you made him dive into another girl’s… arms so quickly? What’s wrong with you?

His Side

He saw something he wanted and went after it.

That’s what dating is!

Yeah sure he could have waited a week or two, but let’s face it, it would have hurt just as much.

How to Deal

The thing is, he didn’t take your feelings into consideration. Why? Opportunity cost.

Had he waited just to keep you from hurting, then he may have missed his opportunity.

Yeah this makes him a jerk.

He may not have intended to hurt you, but I realize that that is EXACTLY what he did. How do you get over something like that?

Take solace in the fact that you now know how big of a jerk he can be, and that you are no longer with a guy like that.

#8: Staying Friends (Hoping for Benefits)

You go out with a group of friends. He’s there.

Uh oh.

But somehow, almost like magic, things aren’t weird. Somehow things feel just like they used to. You reach out and touch his arm, you laugh. He puts his arm around you as you scoot closer.

You decide to leave the party together. It wasn’t really discussed. It just kind of happened.

And then again a few weeks later.

And then again.

The two of you agreed to stay friends, but somehow you keep finding yourselves in each other’s beds. You don’t mean to. It just keeps happening.

Could he be considering getting back together?

I mean you don’t really do anything other than sleep together that makes you think this. You really are friends; you just happen to be knocking boots.

You can’t help but hope that maybe things will come back together.

His Side

Dude, I have this great deal with my ex. We aren’t dating anymore, but we still hookup when we’re together. Which is nice because I don’t’ have to train anyone new to do that thing I like just yet.

Doesn’t mean I have to stop looking though.

How to Deal

I realize that you are probably hoping that this will lead to something more, like a rekindling of love lost.

Things rarely works out that way.

My suggestion: cut out the sex and find someone who’ll date you AND sleep with you.

Get you a man that can do both!

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#9: Keeps Contacting You After You Asked for Space

You are trying your best to move on. Heck maybe you read “How to Get Over an Ex When You’re Still in Love With Him” and you have asked him to give you some space.

Good for you!

That is a tough call to make and I am proud of you for making it.

However, for some reason your ex keeps on reaching out to you as if you two never even broke up. He calls and asks for favors.

“Could you take Fido out while he’s at work tomorrow?”

His sister can totally do that.

“Could you email him a copy of his resume? He seems to have misplaced it.”

Deleted it after we split. Sorry buddy.

“Hey what is that creamer you always get that he likes?”

Hazelnut, always Hazelnut.

“Where did he leave his sunglasses? He can’t seem to find them. Maybe he left them in your car.”

You dropped them in the lake the week we went to visit your Aunt. C’mon.

He’s being needier than he ever seemed to be when you were together. And you keep fielding them as best as you can.

Or if your luck better favors my own, he keeps reaching out to you right as you start to consider talking to someone new.

How did he know?

I always start to wonder if I need to check my apartment for bugs. He HAS to have some sort of ESP or something. It’s always RIGHT when I start to like a guy.

When I was younger, this would have sent me running back into his arms only to find us splitting up again shortly after.

Now I find that I can look at his reasoning for doing this and not let it screw up whatever possible romance could be budding with the interesting new prospect.

His Side

Just like us women, men tend to go through phases of being fine with the split and missing us. However, while we go through LOOOOONG periods of time right after a split where we miss him like crazy, he’s fine right after the relationship then gets side blinded by the fact that he almost text you about a show you watched together out of habit. Then suddenly the need to talk to you starts cropping up more and more. Eventually he will give in.

However, as soon as the two of you get comfortable and start talking again. Poof! He realizes he didn’t want the relationship back he just wanted to know you were still there.

Like a child reaching out in his sleep to remind himself that his mother is still there.

How to deal with it.

I find that their “missing us” phase, lines up with our “over it” phase far too often in my opinion.

I suggest you weigh you’re risk and reward in this situation.

How long did it take you to get to a place where you were almost over it?

Would it behoove you to make friends with your ex?

I find that in my life it almost always makes sense to be friends with an ex simply because you share a friend-base, but that’s not really the case for everyone, but you should definitely not throw any new relationships to the side simply because he texted. It’s not worth it, and in most cases.

Okay let’s wrap it up

You know what, that’s what you should take away from this I suppose.

I’m going to be straight with you; you’re never going to really know what is going on in your ex’s mind for sure. Even if you flat out asked them, you’ll probably never get the truth, because of pride, or selfishness, or just plain stupidity.

As a matter of fact, you’ll never truly know why ANYONE does the things they do. It’s human nature.
So my advice to you, don’t dwell on the things you don’t have control over.

If you’re spending your time over-analyzing every little thing that he does, you’re going to miss the important things going on around you. Don’t miss out on wonderful friends, or good relationships because of a relationship that is already over.

I assure you, most of the time after a relationship, he is doing everything he can’t not to think about you or the relationship. He’ll cut himself off from you and surround himself with women and distractions if that’s the only way he sees. Sure there are moments when he misses what you had, but they are just that fleeting moments. It’s up to you whether you want to get over the relationship and move on or try your hand at getting him back.

If you are having to ask if he cares though, then that’s just it, he probably doesn’t. People show you, not just in tiny gestures, that they care.

Would you believe that even Oprah dealt with this exact problem?

Many, many years ago, she was discussing a lost relationship with Dr. Maya Anjelou. She spoke about waiting for that phone call that never came. “When a person says to you, ‘I’m selfish,’ or ‘I’m mean’ or ‘I am unkind,’ believe them,” She said. “They know themselves much better than you do.”

She eluded to how this man had let her down, and the pain that she was going through. Dr. Anjelou replied to this by asking, “Why are you blaming the other person? He showed you who he was.”

“When you look back on bad relationships… For myself, [it was] sitting in a window waiting for him to show up, not even getting on the phone because I was afraid that if it was busy for one second that he would call and I would miss the call, not taking out the garbage on the weekends because I might be out the moment that he called, not running the bath water because he might call while I’m running the bath water…When you look at that process of waiting on somebody who has told you they were… going to be there for you and they were not, they are showing you in that moment exactly who they are.”

fullsizerender

So when you look back at your break up and you think of anything he’s done that is outright vicious or mean, know that, yes, he was probably just doing that to push you away, but there are many other ways to go about that.

Believe it or not, his actions reflect upon his very character. He’s showing you who he is.

I know it’s tempting to make excuses for him.

“He’s hurting.”

Or

“He’s just trying to save me from even more heartache.”

But that’s like cutting off your hand to save yourself the pain of a papercut.

The papercut will heal in time, just like you will eventually get over a break up.

But by pushing you away in a harsh manner, saying horrible things or doing things that will deliberately hurt you, well that’s really a much deeper cut that will take much longer, if ever, to heal.

So I implore you not to delude the situation in front of you. If you had a daughter and she was in any of these situations, what would you tell her?

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

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What Do You Think? (103)

  1. Christine - 0

    Christine

    Hi again,
    And we’ve planned to meet at his place and we’ve agreed not to have sex. I’ll control myself because I’m willing to have him back.So is there hope for me. How should i act?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Christine,

      move on.. at this point, it’s so clear that he’s just using you..he knows what to say to you because he knows how you feel about him and he knows that he can convince you and abuse you..

  2. Christine - 0

    Christine

    Hi?
    The guide was really helpful but i would want to know about my situation. Well my boyfriend and I broke up last year and i was his fwb. I have not had sex with him though since last year and decided to do no contact. He texted while i ignored and called a couple of times. After the no contact i contacted him and he replied. I told him about what i hated In the relationship and all the wrong things he used to do that didn’t make me comfortable. I then told him, if he wanted us to be friends he should give me space for a while but he kept on contacting me.
    He is even engaging in conversations unlike before when he used to ignore me before i did no contact. He’s brought up sex talks and I’ve told him we can’t have sex unless he commits. I have told him that every time he brought up sex talks and he has agreed to not do it. He would ask me things like,why wouldn’t i concider the fact that he has never had sex with another girl ever since he knew me and after the breakup. How do i even trust him really and know this isn’t only about sex ? How do i know if he is lying or telling the truth? He would tell me that he wants us to start as friends and that he trusts me even if i cheated on him with his friend but i would insist on not having sex if we are friends unless he commits. He asks me to trust him and that he’s not a fuck boy.What should i do about this?
    I have also done him favours like sending him money to have his phone repaired. Is that wrong since we are friends? Is he really staying friends hoping for benefits or does he really mean his words? How do i know the difference and what should i do? Will he commit? I’m really patient with him. Please help me.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Christine,

      move on.. at this point, it’s so clear that he’s just using you..he knows what to say to you because he knows how you feel about him and he knows that he can convince you and abuse you..

  3. Fifi - 0

    Fifi

    I came across your site and thought I’d like to share my experience with my ex. We broke up in November as I became to attached to him and not giving enough space to him. However, 2 weeks post breakup he agreed to travel together, since we’ve booked a trip together. After, when he leave for Christmas holidays in Europe for two weeks, he wished me on my birthday and Happy New Year. He contacted me when he is back in town informing me he bought me some gifts and we met again over weekend and spent the long weekend together. However, he did not keep in touch with me on weekdays like he used to. Last week, he invited me for breakfast on Saturday morning and I bring along my friends to join in the breakfast. On Sunday, he texted me for breakfast again, and I proposed to meet him over dinner and he agreed to it and we had dinner together. I am going to observe if he will text me again this coming weekend to meet me up.The whole point is in this situation, why is he behaving this way? Is he interested wanting to get back together or I am just wasting my time with him stringing me along? Whats your opinion on this?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Fifi,

      so you never did nc? there’s a chance that there might be feelings of wanting you back but there’s also a chance that you’re friendzoned

  4. Pilar - 0

    Pilar

    Broke up with my ex bf 6 months ago and The problem Is that he won’t let me move on. We tried getting back together once and it lasted a day. The first time I broke up with him because he was acting distant and the second time he broke it off because I stormed out of his house because he wouldn’t talk to me about what was going on. He only said he was scared to get hurt again and he was not the same person anymore. Every couple of months when he thinks I am dating someone else or I am over him he would initiate contact and mentioned us getting together or us talking and I have agreed but the first two times he came up with excuses when it came down for us to go on a date and this last time he really made me mad. He contacted me late at night and was wanting to make plans to go out on a date the next night, he even asked for my parents to come along. I agree but because of his history lately I didn’t mention it to my parents, the next morning he texted me to cancel as I figured he would. I ended up deleting him from Facebook because I can’t move on while we are still friends. I dk why he does this, he has gone as far as telling me he loves me. He said he is damaged and wants to be ready for me but I swear he goes back and forth. He has been divorced for a few years but I don’t think he ever got over the fact that his marriage was a failure. I love him but I can’t deal with the hot and cold. Even wonder if every time he messaged me was because he was lonely or drinking. Is he playing mind games, or is he really confused?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Pilar,

      he might be really confused, or he likes the feeling of just having you but not committing..if you really want to move on, just dont answer him

    • fifi - 0

      fifi

      we had limited contact sort of connection i suppose. is it possible to implement the NC from now?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, you can still do full nc

  5. Oktavia - 0

    Oktavia

    Hi, I’ve been thinking about this lately. I’ve been in no contact rule for 3 weeks, he texted me a couple times but it’s more like he’s upset with what’s going on, maybe he thinks I’m just playing with his feelings and all of his sacrifices. -a little flashback- So all of this time we have been in a relationship and he really spent his time for me, we did campus project together and we even know each other family. My parents are being supportive towards the relationship because they see him as a good person, nice, polite, and all of this good boy criteria. He introduced me to his parents too and they are very open to me, they even send me souvenirs whenever they go back from vacation. So we have a really great time, really great time until my mother has this faith that I will be with him in the future. But things went wrong and we broke up very badly. I can’t even tell who initiate the break up, but what makes me desperate is the fact that he probably hate me because he think I played with his feeling and he feel like anything I do offense him. Thats why he text me and even say that I’m being a jerk for doing that to him. I feel confuse because I don’t know how to react. But I keep on doing the no contact so I didn’t reply to his texts… I bet it makes him feel like I’m completely ignoring him and that would make him even angrier with me. What scared me is the fact that he might tell his families about our break up, and since he has to defence himself, of course he will say that I’m not like what they think, I hurt him, I play with his feelings, even worse, he might say I just ‘used’ him that is why he say I don’t appreciate his effort and sacrifice all of this time. And of course his family will think I’m not good. What I think is that will affect the possibility to recover this, right? Because he would probably follow his family to not being with me anymore. Beside, I heard he also already said bad things about me to his friends, and to his brother’s friend as well.
    So my chances now is bad? What do you think I should do ? Do I need to stop the no contact right now and just let him go or is there any possibility that I still can work this out? Thank you for answering anyway 🙂 🙂

    Reply
    • Oktavia - 0

      Oktavia

      Oh, and one thing, how can I show him that I can change my bad attitude if he’s not looking at it? I mean how can he know I have changed or at least want to change when we are splitting up like this?

    • Oktavia - 0

      Oktavia

      Another additional info, yesterday I went to my mother’s friend wedding and accidently met his parents. They greet my uncle first but I think his mom didn’t recognise me. When we share eye contacts for about 3 seconds ( I’m quiet sure she stopped and look at me for like 2 3 seconds), I wanted to give her a smile or at least say hello to her, but she just staring at me and then look the other way, busy finding seats for her. I was in shock, I keep thinking that maybe she already know about what happened to me and him, and I’m afraid to say that she’s probably mad and being super sensitive with me post break up. I don’t know if it’s true but if I can think positive, maybe she just simply doesn’t recognise me because when my mom meet her and a friend, she greet her very politely nicely and my mom said she did the same… What I’m scared is that if his parents already hates me for some reason ( sometimes after a break up he could talk to his/her parents about the break up right, and some of the parents feel this hatred towards his/her ex). What do you think? I really need advice right now … Will that decrease the possibility?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Oktavia,

      what confuses me is why you broke up. why did you break up? And when did you actually break up?

  6. A - 0

    A

    Hi,

    My ex and I were together for almost 2 years and lived together for 10 months. He broke up with me 08/04, so about 2 1/2 months ago. I messed up the first 7 weeks, begging, crying…calling him and such. He broke up with me due to our arguing, we talked about marriage and children everyday so it was out of the blue for me bc I thought we’d never break up. I also messed up and slept with him after a month of us breaking up and also wrote him a letter about realizing the mistakes we had both made and owned up to them. After the sex, he told me he felt bad and didn’t want me to have false hope of us getting back together, which really stung. A couple of days after that I went off on him somewhat telling him he used me and I wasn’t that kind of girl and stuff. He sent me a long email about being sorry for everything, but we couldn’t be together and stuff. I’m blocked on his fb, so I just deleted my fb so I wouldn’t look him up. We don’t follow each other on Instagram but neither of us are blocked so I think he looks at that but I’m not sure. Flash to today, I am on Day 20 of no contact. It was hard to get here, and I haven’t heard a word for him. Do you think there’s still a chance for him and I? Even though there were arguments, we were very happy with each other. Were also only 20 years old, not sure if that matters. How many days of no contact do you think I should do?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi A,

      do at least 45..I think there’s a chance, but you have to really genuinely change.. forget the previous relationship and take this as a restart.. Start out slowly as being friendly only at first..

      Yeah, you’re young and he’s young, so what you need to keep in mind is that you have to take it slow and you need to have your own life even when you’re in a relationship..

  7. A - 0

    A

    My ex messaged me a few days ago because he was concerned abt me (for a particular reason) I didn’t reply especially because I broke nc once before with him (he was calling everyday) and I had to start over. However I’m feeling remoreseful that I didn’t reply, I also told him not to call or message me the last time we spoke. He hasn’t tried to contact me since so I’m wondering now if he is gone for good, it also seems as if he blocked me from whatsapp because I can’t see his display pic or last seen. Im just really worried he won’t come back, what do you think? (Day 10 nc)

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi A,

      he’s probably just respecting your space

    • A - 0

      A

      So do you think he’ll text me that he wants me back? I think he took me for granted during the relationship and so he thought I would still be around begging him to take me back so I think no contact is good to let him realize that it is not so as a result I don’t think I should be the one to reach out to him after no contact because I think it would jus seem like I was chasing him again and besides he broke up with me. So what do you think my chances are of him reaching out to me (seeing that he blocked me after I didn’t reply to him)?

    • A - 0

      A

      And also i dont get why he would block me or delete my number if he is just respecting my space? And how long will he respect my space until he is calling me again. I felt better when he was always calling me because at least I knew he was thinking of me you know

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well, you can’t expect him to always chase you.. he’s human.. he’ll get that it’s not working so he has to stop.. That could be another reason for him to block you, to stop himself from constant checking.. more likely, when he’s more confident that you will probably reply, he will initiate but after no contact, it’s ok that you initiate as long as you’re the one who’s going to end the conversation in high note.

    • A - 0

      A

      Ok thanks Amor very helpful

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome!

  8. Happi - 0

    Happi

    I have had an on-off relationship for the last 3 years. It was only “off” because my job took me away, and long distance was hard but we would make efforts to visit each other. Since last december we have had much more contact talking every week. And a few months ago he called me saying he wants more, a committed relationship long distance that would lead to marriage and one of us moving to the other person. He constantly talked about wanting to marry me and have kids and live together. He made more effort to come visit me more frequently, and after months of this I thought I should move and we try to do this for real. He was so excited when I told him I would move. But then the past 2 weeks he has been so busy and distant that I was confused so I asked him a few times if he was sure this is what he really wanted. He assured me each time. But then 3 days ago he ends it in a text saying he is too busy to focus on someone else and doesnt want to hurt me. I was so confused, as we had just spent a weekend together the week before and everything was fine. He wouldn’t respond to my texts back asking him what that means. And then he blocked my number and social media. But 2 days ago he sent me a message on snapchat saying he wants to talk on the phone. but then yesterday he blocks me on snapchat and never called. I don’t get it. I thought I was going to marry him. Is it just over now? Can I wait a few weeks and try to contact him?

    Reply
    • Happi - 0

      Happi

      also I want to mention that ill be in town where he lives in a few weeks. can i reach out to try and talk in person? Or just wait?
      I am still planning on moving back there, as i have family there and its just right for me.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Happi,

      yeah, just wait.. but while waiting, be active with yourself. Read this one too:
      How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

    • Happi - 0

      Happi

      Do you think that means its over forever? Why would he say he wants to talk but block me and not call instead?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope.. I think he’s confused.. and blocking you was a way for him to figure out what he really wants.

  9. Kelsie - 0

    Kelsie

    Hello

    So I posted on here after doing no contact for a few weeks I met up with my ex because he wanted to talk he noticed that I was looking and feeling better he said he wished things had of turned out better and he regretted alot.of what happened he cried and told me I thinks about me all day and has no interest in anyone after all this I said do you think we will get back together later on and he said I don’t know I think we rushed into a relationship to quickly and that he wanted to be friends he said he wants to be with me but we aren’t ready to get back together but he wants me to wait until he has cleared his head and to start of slow and be friends and see what happened he can’t tell if we are going to be together or not

    What should I do now
    Obviously the feelings are still there?
    Should I go back to Nc and give him space he said all the things he said before about me moving on and finding someone else he didn’t mean and that he didn’t want to lose me and he’s so lost with out me

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kelsie,

      hmm.. looks like you ended the no contact rule pre maturely.. well, I can’t blame you if he messaged or called you that he wants you back. If you keep doing nc, it will lose it’s effect because he will notice the pattern. So, make the most of this nc. Don’t break it, unless he literally says he sure he wants you back at that moment.

  10. Relentless - 0

    Relentless

    Hi Amor,

    You have always been quite helpful so I thought I’d ask for advice again. My boyfriend of 8 months is a great guy, pretty much all my needs are met..except for 2. Basically he hasn’t met my mum, and well it’s been 8 months. He finally agreed to meet her on my bday in a few weeks, however I still see he has his reservations. I asked him about why he’s so reluctant and he said part of it is his English isn’t that good and he’s embarrassed and out of his comfort zone. He admitted in his own country he was with a girl 5 years and never met her mum, so it’s new for him I guess. I’m worried he will pull out last minute before he meets her. Most people would’ve dumped their bf after a few months of this, I know there are cultural differences though. The other issue is, he hasn’t said I love you..I did once in passing but since he never said it back I never mentioned it again. I know he cares, one time I was crying over worries of someone in the family and he cried too after seeing me cry.

    These 2 things are relevant I know, I mean he’s already agreed to one…but still that should’ve happened months ago. Any advice??

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Relentless,

      It’s a first time for him so, agreeing is already a big step. Let him take his time if he doesn’t come. Try a different approach next time, ask him on the day itself so that he doesn’t have much time refuse. But don’t make it like you’re cornering him. Make it like being at the mall, and then suddenly you’re mom decided to tag along because she has something to buy. So, make sure that whatever day that is, he feels great about himself so that he won’t be too anxious.

      With the I love you, that’s a different one. It might be that’s he’s just not verbal so, try to observe if he has a different love language. And say it too, you’re with him and you love him so, it’s ok to say I love you even if he doesn’t say it back. If you really want to ask, pick at a time that he is in the best mood.

  11. EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

    EBR Team Member: Amor

    Hi CPL

    unblock him… It’s better if sees your posts..just dont open his.. keep improving yourself.

    if he sees you’re moving on, improving and having your own life, there’s a chance that he would be comfortable to start as friends again after nc

    Reply
  12. What does he want? - 0

    What does he want?

    Hi Amor,

    My ex and I broke up this May, blocked and unblocked each other multiple times, got into contact multiple times. He finally blocked me from social media this July and we haven’t made any contact since then. My best friend tried to reconcile things between us but nothing came out of it. That was the only time she made any contact with him. He made it pretty clear that he didn’t want me but a few days ago he sent a Facebook friend request to my best friend. Why would he want to befriend his ex’s best friend even when he knows she doesn’t hide anything from me? Why would you send your ex’s best friend a friend request? We don’t run in the same social circles.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi What does he want,

      maybe to try to sneak up on what you’ve been up to lately.

    • What does he want? - 0

      What does he want?

      Dear Amor,
      Thank you for the reply. He unblocked me a few days ago out of the blue and added me to his contact list also. I don’t know if I should try to contact him first but so far I’m loving the no-contact rule. It has helped me grow from within. 🙂

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s good. It would be better if you stick to no contact rule

  13. Donna - 0

    Donna

    Ok, so here’s my story and it’s kind of complicated… I have this guy friend (I’m 32 and he will be 43 in a couple months) and we met back in 2010 working together on a film for the summer. We live on opposite coasts and we barely talk on social media. He was happily married back when we met, but he quickly got a divorce and started to date one of the girls we worked with.

    To make things more complecated, we met again in late 2013, at a party he was having. His eyes sparkled when he laid eyes on me. He called out my name and said “hey buddy, it’s good to see you here! I’ve missed you so much!” I think he noticed some changes I had made between the last time he saw me, including the fact that I lost 30 pounds, but he would never say anything about it. He just said that I look really good. I blushed, we both admitted that we missed each other and in the midst of teasing me about missing him, he found a note in my hand telling him my feelings for him. He asked me if I love him and I had to fight the tears telling him yes and that I’m sorry I ruined our friendship. He hugged me close to his body, and assured me that I didn’t do anything wrong and that we are still friends. He told me to never apologize for my feelings if they are real, because why apologize for something you can’t change. I asked him if things didn’t work out with his girlfriend, would it be possible he could give me a chance. He said that anything is possible and that maybe we will see someday. I told him that I would rather us be friends than make things awkward between us just because of my feelings. He laughed and said not to worry that everything is good between us. He never once brought up his girlfriend in our conversation. He remembers details about me that my average friends wouldn’t remember, he looked at me longingly and he held my hands when we talked. He asked me details about my plans for the day and if I wanted to work with him again in the future, but he also acted a bit wishy-washy. He also told me that he enjoys receiving messages on Twitter from me and that I make him smile, so I decided I would continue to send him messages just as I always had. Also, he introduced me to his parents and sisters. We talked and I still keep in touch with his sisters (but I haven’t talked to them since I have him his space).
    I felt fantastic and beautiful, and I’m sure he felt the self-confidence radiate from me. But he still had his girlfriend and he never told me how he felt about me. He was happy he had me smiling again before I left the party (I had work the next morning).

    Last year, I had this continuous argument with one of his fans on Twitter, it was ridiculous and I kept defending him for a month or so until I blocked her around September. Nothing happened after that. I stayed silent on social media as I just got a new job and stayed busy. Once a week I would send him a meme early in the morning before I went to work just to make him smile. Next thing I know, I wake up Christmas morning and he blocked me. I don’t know if he did this because of that fan said something to him, or if his girlfriend made him do that because she never liked me and felt jealous that he would even look at me. All I know is that I felt so lonely and afraid that I lost him forever. I opened a separate Twitter account and he opened a separate account also (at least I believe it is him) and we talk maybe once a month. I’m afraid though that I have lost him as a friend and that he will never talk to me again. My self-confidence went from high to low the day he blocked me last Christmas and it’s been a struggle since then.

    He is no longer with his girlfriend after dating her for these years, and officially called it quits as of the beginning of this year. I have tried to talk to him during these past few months since they broke up, hoping that maybe he will talk to me now that he was single. 5 months later, now he is dating another girl. But I think it’s a rebound since she is 20 years younger than him (and when I talked to his sister the week before, she told me he was still upset over the breakup and to give him time). I decided to make myself have a “no contact” time for about 6 months or so until I get myself back to being the self-confident woman that he saw he last time we met 2 years ago. I figured that if he sees me missing from social media after I tried to get his attention and apologize for making him uncomfortable, maybe he will miss me and want to talk about this.

    I still talk to him through this other account about once a month. He says that he misses me and asks how I am doing. But he acts like he never blocked me on his main account, and when I mention him blocking me he ignores the question and asks me another question. So I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to hurt his feelings because I know he is a sensitive person just as much as I am.

    I wouldn’t necessarily call him my ex since we never had a real romantic relationship. But I’m hoping you can give me some advice here anyways. He knows I love him, and I have a feeling that he had a more-than-friendly feelings for me. Would 3 months of silence work for me, or would I be risking him forgetting about me altogether? Does being long distance make the chances of reconciliation of our friendship almost impossible?

    I’m sorry that my message is so long, but I would appreciate your help!

    Thank you!

    Reply
    • Donna - 0

      Donna

      Chris, I would like to add that I have been going no contact for about 20 days so far and I have been working on me, improving myself worth, going to the gym, to the beach, enjoying myself.

      Though, I have to admit, because this guy is always on Twitter and Instagram, I have been trying to stay clear from both social media sites for that reason. Am I hurting my chances to gain him back? Do you have any advice for me as to how to ignore him on social media without having to unfollow him on Instagram?

      Thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Donna,

      I have to be realistic. I think he was being nice with you because he knows you love him.. He likes that feeling of being admired. And no contact means no contact at all. That means yoy cant message him once a month.. I think there is a chance but dont chase him. Be the ungettable girl.. Be great but dont beg or ask him to be with you.

      check this:
      The Ungettable Girl

    • Donna - 0

      Donna

      Amor, thanks! I am trying my best to focus on improving myself, getting healthy and what not.
      I’ll take your advise and not send him messages at all to his private account. I did get a teasing reply from him yesterday. But I have not replied back to him.

      Is it possible for me to get Chris’s insight on my dilemma? I would really appreciate his suggestions.

      I’ll read up on the Ungettable Girl page. Thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I’ll forward your story but I can’t guarantee that he can reply immediately.. You can try sending in a voice mail too if you want

  14. Laura - 0

    Laura

    Me and my ex was together for 19 months. He use to go out and leave me all the time last minute (I would be left sat in with his mum) he is so unpredictable one minute he is really sorry and the next he doesn’t think it’ll work because it’s gone ‘too far’ we havnt spoke since 4th September. His mum has text me to see it I’m
    Ok and my dad has returned all his belongings to his house. He has been working away through the week but been constantly out on the weekends. We both have a christening in October for his friends baby and are both god parents. What do I do?? He’s mentioned booking a lads holiday to Benidorm. I have him on no social networking sites and he had deleted the pics of me and him on his Instagram I’m heartbroke. Do u think he will come back ??

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Laura,

      go to the Christening. Try doing the no contact rule..Look uour best and just be civil.. If you have to talk to him about it that’s ok but talk only about that..

  15. Eleonore - 0

    Eleonore

    My boyfriend broke up with me 25 days ago by a phone call,I was shocked and couldn’t help telling him that this is going to destroy me , he simply told me that he knows I’m going to get over this.
    It was awful from him because he showed me that I will be the only one affected…anyways after that conversation I started a no contact for two reasons : 1) because I want him to regret letting me go and 2) because I am so angry of him,if he wasn’t that into me why did he start this relationship (it was his request)
    He texted me twice on whatsapp during the first week to ask about how I am feeling,I read his texts (so he can see the seen sign) but didn’t reply…Yesterday I took your advice : changed my profile picture and put a very beautiful one where I look so happy and fresh,everyone was liking it even people who are usually not social media active and I was sure he has seen it: Today he liked it and wrote a comment : I am glad seeing you that happy. I don’t know what it means ? is he regretting or just reminding me that I told him I’m gonna be sad without him? sometimes I think he just want to make sure I am ok since the breakup was his idea and the whole fault is his,I no longer want to look vulnerable ,I want to take control and be that fatal challenging lady he regret having lost.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Eleonore,

      You are taking back your power by improving yourself. So, good job on that. If he checks your posts and comments in it, that’s a good sign. Because whether he has moved on or not, that means it would be easier for you to build rapport after nc.

    • Eleonore - 0

      Eleonore

      Hello ,Thank you for your response this is giving me some confidence.
      I just don’t want to be friendzoned by him,he seems like caring if I feel better after the breakup.
      You know I’ve read several books lately about why relationships fail and I realized that I was too nice ,too available ,needy ,clingy ,insecure etc I was everything to make him run away ,yet I was not like this usually with the other guys I dated and they were usually the ones in love (and I was not ) but when I met him I started acting like a crazy desperate girlfriend…
      He dumped me saying that he just couldn’t have a feeling strong enough to make him commit but I’m sure that in the early stages of the relationship he was really into me(it was like 1 year ago now)
      He is living overseas and this is complicating things for me to recover him …ah and one other thing, yes I love him but I’m still pissed of him for dumping me this way and can’t break the NC by my own initiative or I’ll feel humiliated 🙁

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hmm.. Then that means you would continue nc until he reaches out?

  16. rose - 0

    rose

    Today he texted me angrily saying that he hates me and I shut keep my mouth shut and that he doesn’t want to see me again that I am the past. I was shocked because I didn’t know why he started talking like that and he didn’t want to tell me what was the problem and it felt really weird. I didn’t even talked bad stuff about him so I really cannot understand his reaction. He was the one who always came to talk when we were out and now out of nowhere, when I’m ignoring him he s angry at me for no reason?! and I told him like 100 times what s the problem and he didn’t say. It s really confusing.. I found out that last night he went to talk to a girl in a club and that girl was with a close friend of mine and I think he knew that my friend is going to tell me. He broke up with me but he’s the one angry…………I AM CONFUSED

    Reply
    • rose - 0

      rose

      however I acted very nice, like I read here in the articles. I wanted him to see that I am better and is not necessary to be mean. I told him that he is a nice person and I respect him even though he s like that. I wished him a beautiful day and that s it 🙁

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rose,
      I dont understand too.. did you mean you’re still together and he just said that?

  17. So Confused - 0

    So Confused

    My ex and I are both 32 years old and have been broken up for about a year now. He ended the relationship back in October of 2015, the day after my birthday. We celebrated it with a nice dinner and boom, I get a text message the next day saying he needed some space.
    I followed through with the NC(no contact rule) and focused on me. Joined a gym/all women bootcamp, lost 10 lbs, restarted a few businesses I talked about when he and I were together, and spent more time with family/friends.
    On Mothers Day I received a “Happy Mothers Day” text from him. I replied with a simple “Thank You.” And left it at that.
    Fast forward a few months later I sent the famous “accidental but intentional” text which opened up a short convo that I ended quickly. On the July 4th I sent a simple text indicating I was thinking of him and hoped all was well. This has opened the door for short text messages here and there then an open invitation to dinner. At the moment I couldn’t go ( I was leaving out the country the next day) but told him I’d love to do so once I returned.
    He and I had dinner at the end of July. It went very smoothly and within conversation he brought up the break up and his reasons for doing so. I listened without judge or blame and made it very clear that I understood he had to take care of him. He asked how I felt and I did say how hurt I was and how much I stilled love him. He indicated he felt the same. Later he asked about my dating life and was surprised I was still single. He made it known he had a “lady friend” ( who had a 50/50 chance of being his girlfriend) but was not committed to anyone. He told me I looked good with the lost weight, new tan, and awesome figure. He later asked did I ever think about our sex life. I indicated all the time and he implemented he did the same.
    My question, is he opening the door for reconciliation or just friendship? ***Sidenote*** I haven’t heard from him in a month

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi So confused,

      It looks like you only communicated a few times a month. Why? So, you’re not really building up rapport.. It does sound that he missed you in that convo, but why haven’t you talked to each other for a month now? Is it because you’re waiting for him to initiate?

  18. Liz - 0

    Liz

    So my boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago.. In the beginning we had not done no contact but I have finally completed an entire no contact period of 30 days. Even though I did not initially do no contact, do I still have the chance of it having the same effect? Also, what do I do now that the no contact period is over?

    Reply
  19. Oli - 0

    Oli

    Hmm what if this is a guy who you were never official with but are off and on with who likes things you are tagged in and comments on your fb profile photos, sends you 15-25 messages a day including unsolicited dick pics but yet will NOT invite you anywhere and gets weird when you hint at meeting up? I don’t know how tondealnwith this anymore.

    I’ve posted before because I thought this guy was maybe questioning his sexuality but now I think maybe there’s something else happening here. He exhibits behavior that fall on the asbergers scale like a fsilure to understand how to empathize and respond to emotional issues. He also can start relationships but certainly cannot maintain them so most women wind up being one night things to him. He’s also very socially awkward and has a very strange vocabulary. There’s many other things I think are indicators but these are just a few. How do you deal with a guy like this and do these rules even apply ?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Looks for now, all he wants is really just sex…He hasn’t found that somebody that he will commit for or he has but she got away

  20. Kelsie - 0

    Kelsie

    My boyfriend broke up with me almost a month ago I was his first girlfriend In three years as he didn’t trust any girls and it took him that long he said when he met me he was looking for love but couldn’t miss the opertunity with me.. he broke up with me aftee a perfect relationship for 10months because I wasn’t ready to have a baby and when I did i did he was very happy I wasnt and didn’t want to have the baby but after a few weeks I came around I Lost the baby at 3months and he broke up with me saying that he loved me but we obviously wanted different things and that he hopes I’m happy and goodbye I havent heard from him in a month do you think there is a chance that he will change his mind I am 21 and he is 25 part of me wants to forget him because of what he has done but a bigger part of me misses him and wants to work on things but is it too late?

    Thank you

    Reply
  21. Nikki - 0

    Nikki

    Hi, it’s been two months since I reconnected with my ex and I feel he’s starting to warm up to me and beginning to show care and express more personal details to me in our texts exchange. However when I hinted I’m heading home soon (I moved away for work for 1.5 year but now am moving back), the tone of his texts went cold and guarded again. Why do you think that is?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nikki,

      maybe he doesn’t want to move too fast.. just shrug it off..

  22. Emma - 0

    Emma

    Hi Amor,

    My boyfriend dumped me 6 months ago. I did NC, built rapport, he tried a FwB situation and I said no, he tried to friendzone me and said we can’t be in a relationship as we are too different. I reverse friend zoned him and started dating someone and used reverse psychology and said I don’t want to jump into a relationship with him. Then he was interested in me. We went on a few dates. He didn’t try to push me for sex. Now he invited me to his birthday this Friday. The issue is our group of friebds are separate and if I go to his birthday his friebds would start speculating what’s going on. He hasn’t invited any of my friebds so Im just worried I will be in a awkward social situation if I go to his birthday party. Plus I am scared of acting jealous as he is inviting several of his female friends. Do you suggest I skip the birthday or bring a date or something else?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emma

      if he invited you, you don’t have to think about what his friends will say. That’s his job. It’s his birthday, I don’t think it’s nice to bring in a date with you.

  23. rose - 0

    rose

    hey. my boyfriend broke up with me a couple of weeks after a period when we were fighting kind of often and he said he needed some space because it was too much. of course we were fighting because he started to loose his temper sometimes. we were 2 years together and I was his first serious relationship. Unfortunately he was childish and his ego was huge and I was always the one solving the fights. After we broke up I saw that he still has the pictures with me on instagram and when we re out I can see that he is looking at me. He even tries to make me jealous by talking with other girls in my presence. I used to ask for explanations every time he did that but he s not talking much. Like once he hugged me at a club and I asked why and he said I don t know. And this week I was out and we ignored each other and he was out talking and half hugging an ex highschol friend and he came after 2 hours at me to ask me how am i and he was like’ seriously are you ok?’ I didn’t say anything about the girl. It s confusing because I love him but I don’t know his feelings. btw I didnt text him for 8 days now.

    Reply
    • rose - 0

      rose

      and when I went to ask him in the club yesterday how is he feelin he talked a bit but didn’t even look me in the eyes…….he was avoiding eye contact. I don’t understand when he is drunk he comes to me but when he is sober he is distant somehow

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rose,

      that means he’s not really ready to talk.. When you asked about how he’s feeling that means you have to restart count of no contact.. do you want to ?

  24. H - 0

    H

    My ex boyfriend and I have dated twice and each time I broke up with him because he wasn’t giving the relationship what he knew he should have been. Each breakup was for different reasons however. I’ve known him for a bit over 2 years and our relationship started off as long distance-those two times that we broke up. I went to go see him after a year of meeting him(in basic training) because he had begged me and was still completely infatuated by me and said that he loved me. We were always super close and he was so happy to see me. I broke up with him because his female roomate at the time did not respect our relationship. I went to go visit him again months later in February when we got back together. We had one bad night out which led to him not sharing a bed with me for my last few nights there so I broke up with him which may have not been the right thing to do but I was feeling horrible. Now we both live in the same place, we had each moved. He moved here first because he said I was going to be moving here. The first night here I slept over at his place and we went out to lunch the next day. Everything seemed like it went very well. The next couple weeks it seemed really tough for him to make time for me outside of work which was irritating so I didn’t try to talk to him for about two weeks. Then over the weekend we were both drinking and ended up sleeping together. In the morning we just cuddled and he seemed happy and then hugged me before leaving for work. However that night I found out that he is talking to other girls, even trying to hangout with them. It hurts that he’s trying harder to spend time with them than he has with me when I’ve been so important in his life. I asked for some clarification last night and he told me that he cares about me but can’t see us being in a relationship right now. I know he has a lot of stress right now and we’re both young, just turned 20. I pretty much been saying he is having a life crisis. He’s not the sweet amazing person I used to know. I’m not sure if he said “right now” thinking it might make me feel better or if he’s hoping I stick around. Most of the time he won’t text back but yet I see him giving attention to other girls he barely knows. His family says that he loves me and cares about me but I know he also has a hard time showing his feelings. To me he is really the one, he has brought up marriage and kids in the past for our future. I would like to think there is still a chance and he really does love me but just isn’t ready for a relationship, maybe with anyone that is, right now and is going through too much himself. But I need a clear thought whether or not it’s worth thinking he may grow up and we will be together. I understand that if a guy really wants to be with you and wants a future together he likely wouldn’t risk any possibility of losing the girl or would just be with her.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi H,

      so when was that break up and when did you last talk?

  25. Kaitlin - 0

    Kaitlin

    Me and my ex have been apart for a month now. Our relationship was very bumpy with us breaking up multiple times but I want it to finally work.
    We chose to stay as friends, even though we still have sex. Recently, our friendship has been awful. He knows that I am interested in him and just a few days ago, he said that I can ask him out when I next see him. Then the next day, he messages me saying he has seen a girl who he finds attractive. He never met her before but he said that he would ask her out next time he saw her.
    Also, we are both negative people. I try not to be mean to him, I just get jealous easily and bad things happen alot. This causes him to say that he hates me, that I am mean and he says I’m butthurt. He can say some really nasty stuff. He expects me to not be angry at him after he says all that. Usually I say something back or end our skype calls which makes him more mad and he says it’s why he doesn’t like me. He also hates my voice.
    All this negativity has made him want to find a girl who isn’t me. I want him but I dont want either of us to get negative or for him to hear my voice and dislike it.
    If I start the no contact rule, he could easily go to my house and question me since we both live on the same street. I can’t not let him in since I live with my parents and they’ll let him in anyway. If he does come over, it might end with him having sex with me since he is really perverted. Half the time when we see each other, he just wants to grab my breasts or talk about other girls who are ‘cute’.
    What should I do to get him back? Even with all these negatives, I still want him and the no contact rule will be ruined if he comes to my place to confront me. If I do the no contact rule, it will be a lot easier for me to be less of a negative person, I just don’t know how to go about this.

    Reply
    • Kaitlin - 0

      Kaitlin

      Also, I think we are tired of each other. We talk everyday and if I suggest us not talking for a day or two, he doesn’t like it and persuades me to not do it.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kaitlin,

      How old are you both? Have your own decision. You can do that. Talk to him and tell him you need space and time for yourself because you it’s not in your character to do the things you did. Don’t ever sleep with him again if you’re not official. Don’t give over the power to decide about your life because that’s your life. You don’t have to blame but yourself, so, take responsibility. It’s good that you want to do no contact now to change, that’s the first step. Do 45 days and if he comes over and he talks about wanting to continue being friends with benefits, just firmly say no. You don’t have to be angry. Just say no, I’m not that person anymore and then continue on improving yourself.

  26. Mallory - 0

    Mallory

    Okay so I read does your ex still care about you and the thing is he hasn’t tried contacting me at all. I deleted him from all social media because I found myself looking constantly on his stuff. He has been talking to some other girl but I still have quite a bit of his stuff at my house from when he left. So am I just supposed to move on? He hasn’t contacted me at all since the 26th except for when I told him he needed to come get his stuff and he said he wasn’t in town. So what do I do? I am so confused I have read so much of the stuff on this page and ordered the pro version of the book read it. Its all confusing because now I feel like this is telling me to move on because he probably didn’t care about me anyway. I want this to work but I am now just lost on what my next step is or to just get over him completely. I need help

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      move as if he has moved on… Start over.. Approach as friends only and then rebuild rapport.. Move as if you didn’t have history but only good memories

  27. Sabrina - 0

    Sabrina

    Hey there, first thank you for all the good articles on this website – I really appreciate it a lot. My best friend gave me that advice.
    At a glance: Me and my boyfriend met last Christmas during our semester abroad. First being friends we got more attracted a few weeks before we had to return home. Problems started, because we now no longer lived together in one student house, but 3hrs away from each other and had difficulties to agree a bit in advance on our dates as he is more the spontaneous guy. Still everything was very good and romantic. Till I found out that he was kind of flirty texting sometimes with other girls (“babe”, heart/kiss emoticon). He is also really into instagram and I didn’t like the fact, that he was liking other girls all the time while sometimes ignoring my latest posts. We started to argue more and more, sometimes without a hard reason (because I wasn’t keeping myself busy and did the mistake to let him be my centre of interest). More or less he broke up with me because I wasn’t feeling comfortable anymore, but came back after 2 days. Still my situation didn’t change and started with arguing again, which led to the fact, that he broke up with me last week stating that he is not certain about his feelings, that I am still important to him, he values that I am pretty and smart and that we fit together very well, but that he is uncertain because of all the arguing, which he can’t stand and that he might come back, because he regrets that decision or – not… but that he either wants to commit to me 100% how I deserve it or not. And that I shouldn’t be worried that he will take another girl now, because he doesn’t want to have a relationship at the moment because he is not made for it. At the end of the call we talked a bit calmer, started some dirty talk (don’t ask me how it happened) and facetimed. In the end he said goodbye with good night with my nickname and made me aware of the fact, that he’s giving me a kiss now.
    So we didn’t talk until I accidentally sent him a messenger invitation in the night when he returned from partying, he called me several times, I called him back after I’ve seen it and he said he was worried that something happened. End. Texted me the next day again. When I asked him why he askes me something he said “just because”. This is were I implemented NCR.
    What happened until there: He was the first one watching my snapchat story, out of the sudden he liked pictures of my best friend which he never did, once he was liking both of my new instagram pictures and one of his best friends contacted me to just ask where the last picture was taken.
    I know, that the purpose of NCR is also to recover yourself. But I am now at a point, that I am asking myself – why that behaviour? What is it giving me? What are the factors, that I see that NCR is successful or not? I mean he didn’t text or call me. There is nothing to ignore at the moment. You know what I mean…

    Reply
  28. S021-969 - 0

    S021-969

    Hi, the guy I was seeing only for a short time around 2 months broke up with me stating that he was not over his ex and that he needed time for himself and that he wishes he was in the right frame of mind for me now.. Throughout the time I was with him he was the one to act all comitted inviting me to meet parents and like 30 of his family at dinners planning holidays together and stuff then he went quiete and then broke it off he offered to be friends and unfortunately I didn’t know about Th NC and was attempting to contact him which I think backfired .. I have since commenced the NC rule about 2 weeks after I should have do you think there is any hope?

    Reply
  29. Lekesha - 0

    Lekesha

    Hello. I was in a 5-year relationship with my ex. It was long-distance for about 3 years, but we would facetime daily. We broke up mutually last October. Since then, we’ve stayed in touch via text and occasional phone calls on average once a week and sometimes more often. The whole staying in touch and remaining friends was going well. Every time he’s been back in town, he has reached out to meet up so we’ve met up in person for casual drinks about 2-3 times now. We’ve even talked about meeting in a different city before, but logistically did not work out.

    The last couple weeks have been somewhat difficult for me. A series of weird bad luck events happened to me and it made me miss him a lot more. He has always been my major support system for the last several years…however, I did not reach out or tell him about all the stuff that was happening to me. While we were texting, I offered to fly into one of the cities he would be at for a night to just meet up and have a nice meal. He was hesitant and said that it probably wasn’t worth the time/effort for me to just fly in for half a day. I said I didn’t mind and then finally I said that it probably isn’t a good idea and I just saw it as a temporary escape for all the stuff happening around me. I said it would be best to go separate ways and that I was sorry for even bringing up the idea. He then responded a couple hours later that “we are doing well and can continue to be really good friends so meeting up in this city probably isn’t the best” — this was about 12 days ago. Since then, I’ve felt like it was a break-up all over again. Except this time it felt like he was breaking up with me. He’s texted twice since then, but I have not responded. I thought it would be good to give myself some time and maybe I hoped that me not responding would make him miss me more… anyways, he hasn’t tried contacting me again and its been 10 days since his last text. I told myself to do the NC for at least 21 days, but now I’m afraid it’ll give him time to move on even more. It’s been almost a year since our break-up and we’ve been friendly since. Should I continue NC or just go back to being friends? I keep wondering why he hasn’t reached out, especially since he is now back in town. Maybe he thinks I need some time alone so he’s stubborn?

    Reply
  30. Nora - 0

    Nora

    Hi, my ex broke up with me because “his mom wants him to marry someone else”. Kindly note thats common thing in the middle east (getting married to the girl of parents’choice). He went out of his ways to tell me he doesnt love me and he doesnt want to be with me. I respected his wishes and cut him off for 3 months without not even 1 single contact. I deleted him from my snapchat a month after the breakup (i find it pointless to keep an ex on social media). A week ago, i received an add request from on snapchat at 3 or 4 AM. I accepted, he watches everything i post, mind you i followed the NCR and also, ive been seeing a nice guy lately.
    Please advise me what to do, what does he want? I came to peace with him dumping me.. what does he want from me.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nora,

      he misses you.. You can’t control him so the best you can do is to just maintain yourself. Be the best you can be, and let’s hope he sees you as the better option than the girl he’s supposed to marry. Most of the time, being you, being your best and just living your life makes you beautiful. Confidence, makes you shine, and you will feel confident when you know you’ve been maintaining yourself. Confidence, is attractive to other people and when he’s current gf notices that he’s more attentive to you, it will create jealousy.. And he will probably defend you because you’re not even doing anything, you’re just living your life and you’re not attacking the other girl. You will appear as the good guy in his eyes.

    • Nora - 0

      Nora

      Hi Amor,

      Thank you very much for your lovely comment.
      Besides to living my life to the fullest and take good care of myself, shall i contact him? I haven’t contacted him since almost 4 months and he just recently re-added me on snapchat, what do you suggest?

      I really trust your opinion <3

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yep, you should message him and then slowly build rapport

  31. Isabella - 0

    Isabella

    First of all i wanted to thank you for all of your advice and help! All of your articles have really helped me out and made me laugh along the way!
    I’m looking for a bit of advice on how to handle his reactions, as he keeps bringing up our past together.
    We were together for 3 years, but it’s been 9 months since I broke up with him. He dated other women during that time and i dated other men. I’m completely fine with knowing that, as we weren’t together. However, he seems bothered by the fact that i dated other men, and doesn’t believe that i didn’t sleep with anyone because i have quite a high drive. Now i haven’t slept with anyone else because i wasn’t interested enough, and i still cared for him, yet no matter what i say he doesn’t believe me.
    He also keeps bringing up our past arguments and the breakup, saying i did this and that and how hurt he was etc. I asked him what he wanted and said he wants to take things easy and gets all defensive when i mention it, or offer to talk about it all. Yet I never bring up our past, I’m quite happy to take things as they are right now and simply enjoy our time together.
    We are sleeping together, and I’m actually enjoying how easy and relaxed things are. We’re not in a relationship but he has asked me to go out on an actual date with him in a couple of weeks when he gets back from a business trip. My issue is that he keeps asking if I’m going to miss him, if I missed him while we were apart etc. He said that he never stopped loving me while we were apart, and doesn’t want me to leave when I spend the night with him. I feel as though he needs constant reassurance from me, yet at the same time he doesn’t want to discuss anything. Even though I’m enjoying our time together I’m starting to feel a little drained from constantly reassuring him, and going over our past together.

    Is there anything I can do/say to reassure him? Or do I simply wait it out?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Isabella,

      Thank you! Have a talk with him or text him what you wanted to say so that he would have to read all of it before answering you.

    • Isabella - 0

      Isabella

      Ah! Okay, thank you!!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome!

  32. Leana - 0

    Leana

    Isn’t those last articles exactly the oppossite of what Chris is telling us?
    You are telling in those few articles pretty much “forget him”. I can agree with you but Chris was telling different so I’m a little bit confused.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 2

      Chris Seiter

      Hi Leana,

      Do you mind expanding a bit on this for me?

      What last articles exactly?

    • Cara - 0

      Cara

      I found myself thinking the same thing that this article contradicts what Chris explains in his articles and podcasts. For example, the guy liking something on your facebook or “unfriending ” you is the exact opposite of one of Chri’s podcasts where it indicates that it’s a huge sign they are missing you, or trying to get your attention.
      Another podcast and article explains the reason’s he’s making you jealous is because he’s emotionally invested to a certain extent and want’s your attention. And Chris went on to state that it likely means your ex subconsiciously wants you back. Or that if if a guy is angry it’s the opposite of apathetic and that usually means they have some type of emotional investment in the girl, the past, etc.
      I too can appreciate the advice in this article, but I’m finding that it contradicts A LOT of what i understood and read in Chris’s articles and podcasts.

    • Cara - 0

      Cara

      This advice contradicts the Podcast about Facebook and what it means when a guy likes your pictures or posts.
      The article here states:
      “Girl, come on.It’s just a picture or a post online. It’s not like he sent a gold crested eagle (Do those even exist? I think I made that up) delivering a message telling you he’s happy you had a good time last weekend.. ”

      AS Opposed to the Podcast by Chris tht states “It does mean something that he liked your picture or post. ” Chris goes on in the podcast to explain it’s a low risk way for the guy to get your attention and if you ever ask him about it he can just say “well it was just a like” , etc.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Leana and Cara,

      I’ll forward this first, so they can respond to you both.. Thank you for voicing out your concerns.

    • Leana - 0

      Leana

      I don’t want to be rude or anything like that but the main reason why I like this site is because it’s giving us hope. Hope and the strategy for getting him back. This article isn’t unique, those suggestions and advices we can read all over the Internet “forget him, he doesn’t deserve you, move on”. It’s generic. No offense. Every text that Chris writes is unique. Because it gives us something that we can’t read anywhere else. He won’t say those general advices “forget him, yo girl”, except if he really thinks that about some particular case. Cara said what I meant. Chris was telling us just the opposite. And I can understand that you need aquintances but I like the old site more. When I open this page, I don’t open it for some girl power generic paroles, I open it for advices and even if it is advice about moving on forever, I want it more specific. This just isn’t good. Too many words for nothing. And I know that Chris will defend this text, after all he has chosen members of his team but I don’t like it. It is the first time that I don’t like something on this site. Chris had an amazing text about moving on forever but this isn’t like that. If you want to encourage us to move on from ex, this is not the right way.
      I know Chris doesn’t have a lot of time but please, don’t make this site boring and not-unique. Keep it the way it was, the way we love it.

    • Kevyn - 0

      Kevyn

      I agree 100%

  33. Cara - 0

    Cara

    Okay, so what if they selectively like your new pics and DON’T defriend or block you? That means nothing too? IN my case, my ex rarely likes my pics but when he does I can tell it’s usually a lead up to him texting me. Also, he likes my pics the next day or after the “likes” and comments have stopped from other friends.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good. That means he’s easier to read. But don’t rely too much on just him liking your posts.

  34. Cuddling - 0

    Cuddling

    Quick question. I have been trying to get my ex back for 6 months. I did NC started speaking. He wanted to be friends at first. Then he tried to have FwB and I made it clear no casual sex. Then he tried to friend zone me again till I started dating someone else (casually). This is when he started being interested in me. We ended up kissing and cuddling and falling asleep. Nothing sexual. Now my ex lives nearby and insists on sleeping next and cuddling up to me every night. I have pretended to fall asleep early a few times and not reply. But I was wondering if cuddling with limited availability (few times a week) is OK because it did help us get closer or if he is using me for intimacy or pushing me again towards FWB? Or should I stop with this cuddling/ sleeping next to each other?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It does help but we all know what he wants girl.. try to leverage that. Don’t always do it. Make him miss you..
      He will want to level up to sleeping with you, so make him feel that some nights you have your own thing and if he doesn’t make a move, he’s going to lose you.

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