By EBR Team Member: Ashley

Today I have three quick lessons for you!

First, you should know that your ex boyfriend is liable to do all kinds of crazy things that will cause you to wonder if he still cares about you.  You might find yourself wandering around your house, bumping into walls in a daze as you reflect on your ex boyfriend’s latest shenanigans.

But when you boil it all down, what keeps you up all night is the fear your ex boyfriend might not want you anymore.  You may look about at all the clues and convince yourself that the signs point to him not wanting to be with you.

Well, let me just tell you not to give up on your ex quite just yet.

Could He Possibly Still Be Interested in Me?

So what’s the quick answer to your query of whether your ex still has feelings for you?

Are you ready for my quick expert answer!

It is very likely your ex boyfriend cares for you far more than he lets on and there are several signs to look for that may reveal whether he still holds on to that love you are so afraid has gone missing.

Now my next two lessons are not so earth shattering, though one of them is pretty darn useful to know!

Don’t take your vitamins after you’ve been eating almonds and don’t open those stupid LinkedIn emails.

OK, we don’t want to go nuts talking about nuts since we are on this topic of your ex boyfriend!  But the other tip is golden.

Don’t you just hate it when you get message like:

“Ashley, people have been checking out your profile.”

linkd-in-email

I keep my LinkedIn updated, but I rarely use it as a networking tool and I almost always drag and drop those right into the trash.  As a side note, sometimes I actually do feel if I could drag and drop my ex boyfriend in the trash for not showing enough that he cares about me, it would be so uplifting.

But I would settle for some clear signs he still has special feelings for me.

OK…I digressed!

So today I had to decide to open that stupid email and only to find my ex boyfriend’s face staring up at me from the screen.

There it was.

I had gone out of my way to avoid looking at any of his profiles since we split and I had been doing a damn good job of it, if I do say so myself.

Suddenly, hundreds of what-ifs and questions started swimming around my head. You know those silly thoughts that cross every girl’s mind when any reason rears its head after a breakup.

We don’t just jump to small conclusions either.

We follow them like rabbit trails to extremes, hoping for a sign or clue that our ex boyfriend realizes he still cares and loves us more then he even knows himself.

Is There A Chance Your Ex Will Take You Back?
Take The Quiz

How Can You Really Know If Your Ex Boyfriend Even Wants You Anymore?

I know he’s been acting like a complete jerk, but clearly this means he misses me, right?

Maybe he wants to get back together?

Would I even take him back if he did?

Thankfully, saner heads prevailed. I came to the conclusion that either he did it by mistake or he just saw that I got a new job and was just satiating his curiosity.

Either way, I had the option to delude myself into thinking it was something it wasn’t. I chose not to lie to myself. I am so much better off because of it.

I was trying to figure out a way to lead into this article when this happened, and I cannot think of a better illustration of the things men do after a breakup that just leave us going, “Huh?”

Allow me to elaborate.

After a break up, even if we’re the ones that did the breaking up, we will always be left wondering what’s going on in our ex boyfriend’s head.

I mean, no one wants to hear that their ex got over them without any problems what-so-ever. Pride’s a funny thing like that. It is the driving force behind so many of the situations I want to talk about today.

Hope is another major player in this case. In fact, if we were the dumpee, this curiosity is inflamed by some sort of hope that he will see reason and come running back, like being lost in the dessert and seeing mirages everywhere you turn.

So, here’s what I have decided to do.

I have put together a list of… let’s call them “behaviors” that men engage in after a breakup that make you wonder:

Is there a chance my ex boyfriend  stills loves and care about me?

It turns out, I have identified 9 signs that suggest the possibility that your ex still does want you.  Or maybe not.  Maybe he is just being his old self or his new, worse self and is jerking your chain.  We are going to find out!

Here are the 9 Signs that might reveal whether your ex boyfriend still has feelings for you.

  1. Drunk Texting
  2. Liking Your Pics And Then Removing You From Social Media
  3. Double Standards
  4. Completely Ignoring You
  5. Jealousy
  6. Being A Complete Jerk
  7. Jumping Into A New Relationship
  8. Staying Friends (Hoping For Benefits)
  9. Contacting You After You Asked For Space

And I am going to dissect these behaviors for you so we can actually answer that eternal question of,

Does my ex boyfriend not care about me and everything we had together anymore?

Let’s find out!

9 Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Might Still Care About You

I need to make something clear.  Just because your ex bf is showing some signs that he might not have given up on you and still wants you in his life, don’t lose sight of the reality that the after breakup period is well known for its shifting moods and attitudes.

One day your ex boyfriend rolls out of bed and finds that he is consumed with thoughts about you. He is convinced you are the one and can’t believe his stupidity of letting this relationship collapse.

Your ex boyfriend may be so convinced that he wants and needs you in every way possible, that he is desperate to make it up to you.   And if he doesn’t do something about it soon, he will go nuts.

So he reaches out to you.  Of course, you are still hurt and in his mind you don’t quite say all the right things that he dreamed up in his fantasy dream.  Suddenly, like a canon shot, his ego is deflated and his mood changes.  Now he cannot even imagine being with you ever again.

Such is the whipsaw ways in which your ex boyfriend’s emotions and feelings can get twisted beyond recognition.

So just know that reading signs is one thing.  Interpreting them correctly and drawing long lasting conclusions about what your ex’s behavior really reveals, well, that is a different thing altogether.

So let’s give it a try!

Sign #1: Your Ex boyfriend Instantly Decides in a Fit of Rage, Jealousy, or Undying Love That He Will  Drunk Text You

It’s two o’clock in the morning. Your phone dings that familiar “ding”.

You sleepily reach under your pillow and bring the blinding screen to your face.

drunk-text

Seriously?

They’re rapid fire and, for a grammar nazi like him, they’re a wreck.

He’s drunk.

You consider responding.

It’d be nice to sleep next to him again or even just be friends.

But then you think about last week when you got a similar stream of texts from him early in the morning, you answered trying to make sure he got home okay. Only for him to pass out mid text, leaving those annoying three little dots dancing on your screen.

You saw him at school the next day and dammit if he didn’t treat you worse than he did before.

Your Ex’s View Of How It All Went Down -“Hey I am not the bad guy here”

He and some of his guy friends went out to grab some beers and catch a game. His friend, Sam brought his girlfriend. They spent the entire time playing grab-ass and being sickeningly sweet.

His other friends picked up some girls from the bar before they left. He went to pay his tab and realized that he was going home alone.

He had been out of the dating game for a while now. Suddenly, he started thinking about those times when he didn’t have to feel this way. Walking out of the bar, his drunk brain said,

“We should tell her we miss her. That’s a nice thing to do. Maybe she’ll be nice back. We could maybe hook up this once.”

So he texted you.

And whether you answer, or you don’t, he will always wake up in the morning and remember the reasons the two of you split in the first place.

He’ll spend the next few days scolding himself for ever texting you and heaven forbid if you see him or try to reach out to him. In an effort to keep himself from doing it again, he’ll try to push you away by being mean.

Let me show you something.

I asked my bestie (also an ex) what kind of weird things he’d do after a break up.

Here’s a screenshot of that conversation,

text-from-j1

text-from-j2

Yes, I asked if I could share it with you guys.

What kind of monster do you think I am?

How to Deal With An Ex That Seems To Care About You But Is Drunk

Remind yourself when you get those texts, that if he can’t say it sober and during business hours (you know, when you’re awake), then it’s probably not worth hanging your hat on.

Men are impulsive and reactive. They will do whatever they can to make themselves feel better when they feel bad. That’s why there are so many middle aged men driving sports cars out there.

So your ex boyfriend is going to have to show you the same kind of caring interest when he is sober before you get all excited that the relationship could be coming back together.

md-life-crisis

Sign#2: Your Ex Bf Will Like Your Posts or Pics And Then Suddenly Remove You From Social Media

You posted some pictures of your fun weekend spent with and family.

And there it is again his name, among your notifications, like a beacon in the vast ocean that is birthday notifications and the 200 pictures of your cousin’s baby bump that all look almost friends identical. (We get it! You’re pregnant! We’re excited for you! Quit it already!)

Now you’re just sitting there staring at the screen.

“What does this even mean?”

A few days later you notice, by mere coincidence, (Of course, you weren’t stalking his page or anything, right!) that he’s not only unfriended you, but he’s blocked you!

“Seriously, what does this even mean?”

What Is Your Ex Boyfriend’ Side of The Story For Why He Blocked You on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram or whatever Social Media Account You Both Use?

This falls along the same lines as the drunk text. So, as he was scrolling down his feed he saw your picture. It was in all likeliness an impulse. You two were together and he probably liked a LOT of your pictures during that time.

Men assume everything means way more to us than it might. So assuming you will read into it, he did the only thing he knows will keep him from doing it again.

Remember, in these early days of the breakup, your ex boyfriend is a man of two minds.  Part of him wants to push you away.  Another part of him wants you, cares deeply for you, and is seriously questioning why he was so foolish.

Well, these two minds of your ex bf will often collide and so as a result of the fallout, things like this will happen.

So by his actions, your ex can shoot down any of your hope instantly by blocking you.  But don’t take it necessarily as a personal attack.  It could be your ex boyfriend just doesn’t have the will power to resist reaching out to you in some way.  But another part of him knows he needs to create some space to allow for some healing.

Now what you read into all this, just remind yourself that when your ex boyfriend decides to block you, he decision is often not entered into with a great deal of thought.  It is often impulsive.  So don’t put too much stock into it.

No matter what your ex does now, he’s sure to feel guilty or fear being attacked about it later.  So don’t get hung up on it.

How Do You Deal With His Blocking You of  Social Media Access To Him

Girl, come on.

It’s just a picture or a post online.

It’s not like he sent a gold crested eagle (Do those even exist? I think I made that up) delivering a message telling you he’s happy you had a good time last weekend.

eagle-with-message

He literally clicked one button out of habit.

Don’t get your panties in a bunch so say I!

Remember, your focus is to work on your own self recovery, not dwell on petty things he may end up doing.

Sign #3: Is Your Ex Boyfriend Showing a Double Standard When It Comes To Dating?

He started seeing someone right out of the gate. It took you a little longer to get your footing, so-to-speak. Now you’ve started talking to someone new.

You and your new guy see your ex at a party. He is casting glares and throwing a tantrum like it’s a personal affront to his very existence that you’d even consider moving on. Well, it looks like your little jealousy ploy (if that is what it is) is working.

Clearly he wants you back. Right? Why else wouldn’t he want you to move on?

Maybe you are WRONG!!

Your Ex Boyfriend’s Way of Reacting To You Dating

Your break up was inevitable. If he was dating someone new so soon, he was already scouting talent before he ever even considered breaking up with you.

But now, he sees you with guy number two and he finds himself having competitive thoughts.

“I’m taller than he is.”

“Does he have better calves than me?”

And yes he’s definitely thinking

“I bet I’m bigger.”

It’s not that he wants you to be his again. He just feels a little replaced. That’s okay. He was.

Everyone wants to feel special, and right now he’s just baffled that you could move on after him at all.
Is he not all that is man?

Now, I confess that sometimes his reaction could be one that is born out from a jealousy that traces back to him still having feelings for you. It could turn out after all that your e boyfriend really does do care.

*Cue beating on chest and territorial tribal dance*

caveman-tendencies

How to Deal With an Ex Boyfriend who Melts Down for Perhaps Caring Too Much?

Don’t.

There’s nothing to deal with. He’s looking to get a response from you, some reassurance. In my opinion, he’s not necessarily deserving of it.

Dang it, now I’m going to be singing Sarah Bareilles’ “Love Song” for the rest of the day.

But it’s like she says, you should have to tell someone you love them just to make them feel better.

Imagine how your date, who actually likes you and chose to come to the party with you, will feel when you are suddenly trying to downplay your relationship to make your ex who was a butt head feel better. Isn’t that a little backwards?

But don’t go to the other extreme either. Don’t try to play up your relationship with your date to make your ex feel worse. Yes, we get it.

He was a jerk, but your new date doesn’t deserve to be a pawn either. If you can’t enjoy your date without reacting to your ex’s presence, perhaps you should relocate to an area away from him or perhaps simply suggest that you and your date go elsewhere, so you can actually enjoy your evening together.

Sign #4:  How Can An Ex Who Still Has Feelings For You – Completely Ignore You?

He completely cut you out after you split. He doesn’t respond to texts, phone calls, or anything. It’s like he disappeared of the face of the planet.

Didn’t the connection you forged mean anything at all? Did you just waste the last 3,4 5 months or years of your life?

All these things and more fly through your mind as you try to process what his big silent treatment really means.  It is natural to draw upon your worst fears when all communications with your ex boyfriend go right into the toilet.

If you are having them, it might resemble a train wreck as more conflict arises.  If your ex has not said or whispered a word to you will often take on all kinds of different meanings as you reflect on what has transpired.

Your Ex Boyfriend’ Side of the Story Is…

It’s easier for him to get over the relationship without you around, so he thinks.  Hence, he might delude himself for  awhile that you mean nothing to him.

But let me tell you, it’s not easy to simply shut down a relationship after you have been together for years.  Years of your ex bf caring about you with the two of you doing all kinds of things together.  Well, over time, that creates some traction within the relationship and its not an easy thing to extinguish.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It is almost just as difficult to cut someone out of your life as it is to be cut out.

How to Deal With An Ex Boyfriend Who Shuts Down All Communications With You?

Take it as a sign that he, like you, is going through his own process of recovery.  He may feel he has little choice but stay away from you as that is what he may have been taught to do.  He might be over at my other website (that assists men in breakups) and is trying to put some space between you and he.

So don’t take your ex’s choice to cut you out of his daily communications as a bad thing.

And even if this is a true sign of what your ex is thinking then accept that reality and just know that perhaps one day the two of you will be in each other’s orbit again, but for now, take the space to let yourself get over it.

Step #5: Is Your Ex Trying His Best to Make You Jealous?

He dumped you, and now he’s acting like he was wronged, parading his exploits around in front of you.

“Is he really so heartless? Did I do something to deserve being treated this way?”

You think to yourself. … He can’t believe in me any more.  Should I ever believe that my ex boyfriend even once cared about me because how can a person do such a thing to one they love?

Your Man’s Side of the Story

There are lots of way this could be going down.  Your ex boyfriend might still have feelings for you and figures he is going to play the jealousy card to get in your head, make you come running.

Yeah.  Guys can be stupid.

That tactic more often makes his girlfriend even angrier as it can send her the opposite sign of what he intended.  She may come to believe that her ex boyfriend has fallen in love with another girl and is having sex with her and now everything has gotten much worse and is lost.

The ex could also be thinking….

“Man, I’ve been with the same woman for a long time and  I’m just glad to know that other women still exist and are interested in me!”

Seriously though, even if he dumped you, it still hurts and no matter how positive you are about reading into his moves, jealousy can have some explosive blow back.

He’s numbing the pain with one of the three things that preside over anything else for a man, Sex. (The other two are food and survival.)

How to Deal With An Ex Bf Who is Hooking Up With a New Girl

Okay, here’s what you’re going to do.

Be happy for him. He’s found a way to satiate the pain of the split.

Go him!

OK.  I realize that approach is going to work with only a small percentage of you ladies out there.  In reading the signs, be sure you don’t panic and read in more than what is actually happening.  It’s true, men will date other girls to show you that he is still attractive and to get your attention.

It’s not always because he doesn’t want you anymore or is sick of you.  Just take this development with the realization that sometimes your ex boyfriend has to learn his lessons the hard way.  This could be a rebound relationship and that signs may be pointing at a time in the near future where he will realize that you and he were a much better fit than he ever realized.

That is a possibility.  Not a certainty.  But you need to give the process time to play out and time for you to work on your on attraction building tactics.

It may be a bone headed way to go about showing you he still likes you, but hey, at least he’s not doing anything too crazy, like quitting his job and going to live among the tribes in Africa.

Sign #6: Is Your Ex Boyfriend Starting To Be a Compete Jerk to You

You two run in the same circles. You actually see each other quite a bit, except something has changed. Not just that you two aren’t a couple any more. He’s different.

He’s cold and mean. He throws shade at you every chance he gets. He even calls you names, not just to you but to his friends.

Even after you two split up, you’ve been completely civil and nice to him. What could have prompted this kind of treatment?

Your Ex’s Reasoning For Why He Can’t Behave Himself

He probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing this. It’s part of that territorial thing we were talking about before. It’s like having a hair hanging down tickling your arm that you can’t quite see, except YOU are the irritant.

His happy little circle hasn’t changed at all other than you are no longer a comfort you are a reminder that he feels guilty or hurt. His angry little jabs are his way of swiping at the hair trying to remove it.

His brain recognizes you as what is keeping him from being happy. In his mind, he wants you, but can’t have you.  In his mind, he is still sore about how it went down

Your ex boyfriend is probably confused about how thing got to where they are now and how to show you properly that he still cares for you deeply.  Your ex may still be battling from within what to do and is incredibly frustrated, so he does the easy thing.

Your ex boyfriend pitches a fit. He acts the bad boy.  He pushes you away, when he really intends to pull you close.

Now, it is also possible that he is acting the jerk, because he is one and he is not worth it.  But you would know if this behavior is a normal reflection of how he behaves and if its not, then it’s a sign he has unresolved feelings for you.

So How Do You Deal With a Bad Boy Ex?

Ignore it if you can and address it if you must.

If you ignore it and remain in his environment, you will find that you will reestablish yourself as a new type of comfortable as opposed to the relationship kind of comfortable.

It will also play into creating more value.  In time, his true demeanor  and feelings for you will be revealed.  I don’t know why some guys confusing their loving feelings with their angry feelings.

It happens.  I guess it is a form of what I would call emotional dissonance.  This is when your ex boyfriend is holding on to two oppossing feelings.  In once case, he is still mad at you and is reading to give up on the relationship.  In the other case, he cares a lot about you and wants you back in his life.  He finds himself wrestling between the two, not knowing how to deal with these two conflicting notions.

He’ll just get over it and settle in over time.

If you must address it because it is getting out of hand then consider this:

Simply ask him to talk and point out that he’s been kind of rude to you since your split and you’d appreciate it if he’d dial it back a notch. He doesn’t have to be nice, he just doesn’t need to be so aggressive.

Sign #7: Your Ex Boyfriend Is The First To Jump Head First into a New Relationship

You’ve only been broken up for what feels like five minutes and he’s already got some new girl on his arm. I cannot even begin to explain to you how easy it is to understand what you’re going through.

How on earth could this be a positive sign that he wants you back?  Sure doesn’t seem that way. Looks like he wants nothing to do with you, so you might think

Oh wait, yes I can identify with you.

I just got through dealing with this and it SUCKS!

Right now, all you want to know is how this reflects on you. What about you made him dive into another girl’s… arms so quickly? What’s wrong with you?  These are the kind of internal thoughts that might be running through your mind.

My quick advice.  Cast them out.  Ain’t nothing wrong with you.  It’s him.  And it’s probably your ex boyfriend’s lousy way of trying to get under your skin because he is too afraid to admit to himself and you that he still cares for you and can’t get you out of his mind.  So he tries to wash out of his head by jumping into this rebound relationship.

Your Ex Boyfriend’s Side of the Sad Tale

He saw something he wanted and went after it.

Well, that is what he is telling his friends.  It could be true.  But you know what else could be true about this latest move by your ex boyfriend? It could be that he is so desperate and starved for attention and someone to help him feel more like a man, that he jumps at the first opportunity.

That could be it as well.  It could be a lot of things.

That’s what dating is about.  It partly to figure out what we really want!

Yeah sure he could have waited a week or two, but let’s face it, it would have hurt just as much.

How to Deal With This Stupid Boyfriend Of Yours When He Jumps at the First Girl He Sees!

The thing is, he didn’t take your feelings into consideration.

Why? Opportunity cost.

Had he waited just to keep you from hurting, then he may have missed his opportunity.

So in a way he is acting out of impulse.  Your ex bf is acting out of immaturity.

Yeah this makes him a jerk.

He may not have intended to hurt you, but I realize that that is EXACTLY what he did. How do you get over something like that?

Take solace in the fact that you now know how big of a jerk he can be, and that you are no longer with a guy like that right now.  Allow time and your action plan to take shape and soon you will know if he has given up on you completely or if he is using this rebound as a way to sooth his pain or ego or loneliness.

Sign #8: Staying Friends (Hoping for Benefits)

You go out with a group of friends. He’s there.

Uh oh.

But somehow, almost like magic, things aren’t weird. Somehow things feel just like they used to. You reach out and touch his arm, you laugh. He puts his arm around you as you scoot closer.

You decide to leave the party together. It wasn’t really discussed. It just kind of happened.

And then again a few weeks later.

And then again.

The two of you agreed to stay friends, but somehow you keep finding yourselves in each other’s beds. You don’t mean to. It just keeps happening.

Could he be considering getting back together?

Certainly he has to care for you because why else take it so far?  But its unclear what is really going down, isn’t it.

I mean you don’t really do anything other than sleep together that makes you think this. You really are friends; you just happen to be knocking boots.

You can’t help but hope that maybe things will come back together.

His Side of the Friends With Benefits Situation

Dude, I have this great deal with my ex. We aren’t dating anymore, but we still hookup when we’re together. Which is nice because I don’t’ have to train anyone new to do that thing I like just yet.

Could this be the way he is thinking?  Perhaps.

Or it could be that relationship coming back together do so in fits and starts and so he is like you in many ways, trying to figure out what it all means.

 Your Way of Processing It

I realize that you are probably hoping that this will lead to something more, like a rekindling of love lost.

Things don’t often work out that way.

I can tell you though that if it has gotten this far, then signs of the connection between the two of you are undeniable and hence, eventually you will need to sort out what you want from each other.

Frankly, a friends with benefits situation, in my view, is not sustainable and can potentially lead to a worsening of the relationship as time goes by.  It really depends on the people and other circumstances.

My long term suggestion: cut out the sex and find someone who’ll date you AND sleep with you.

Get you a man that can do both!

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Sign #9:  Your Ex Boyfriend Keeps Contacting You After You Asked for Space

You are trying your best to move on. Heck maybe you read “How to Get Over an Ex When You’re Still in Love With Him” and you have asked him to give you some space.

Good for you!

That is a tough call to make and I am proud of you for making it.

But let’s say you are not there yet.  Let assume you are still parsing through all the signs of his presumed interest and now he is just texting you even when you told him you need time alone.  Why does he do this?

What possesses your ex boyfriend to dutifully keep reaching out to you as if the two of you never even broke up. He calls and asks for favors.

“Could you take Fido out while he’s at work tomorrow?”

His sister can totally do that.

“Could you email him a copy of his resume? He seems to have misplaced it.”

Deleted it after we split. Sorry buddy.

“Hey what is that creamer you always get that he likes?”

Hazelnut, always Hazelnut.

“Where did he leave his sunglasses? He can’t seem to find them. Maybe he left them in your car.”

You dropped them in the lake the week we went to visit your Aunt. C’mon.

He’s being needier than he ever seemed to be when you were together. And you keep fielding these texts as best as you can, though you may not know whether you should completely ignore him.

Or if your luck better favors my own, he keeps reaching out to you right as you start to consider talking to someone new.

How did he know?

I always start to wonder if I need to check my apartment for bugs. He HAS to have some sort of ESP or something. It’s always RIGHT when I start to like a guy.

When I was younger, this would have sent me running back into his arms only to find us splitting up again shortly after.

Now I find that I can look at his reasoning for doing this and not let it screw up whatever possible romance could be budding with the interesting new prospect.

His Side of The Texting Barrage

Just like us women, men tend to go through phases of being fine with the split and missing us. However, while we go through LOOOOONG periods of time right after a split where we miss him like crazy, he’s fine right after the relationship then gets side blinded by the fact that he almost texted you about a show you watched together out of habit. Then suddenly the need to talk to you starts cropping up more and more. Eventually he will give in.

However, as soon as the two of you get comfortable and start talking again. Poof! He realizes he didn’t want the relationship back he just wanted to know you were still there.

That is one scenario.

Another one is he figured out pretty quickly that he screwed up.  That you are the catch of his life and that he let emotions cloud his vision.  So he figures he will overwhelm you with attention in the form of texts to get you to respond.

Or it could be an impulsive thing such that he can’t help himself, never mind you are not ready yet to even talk about such things.  Like an itch that he has to scratch.

Like a child reaching out in his sleep to remind himself that his mother is still there.

How to Deal With It On Your End

I find that their “missing us” phase, lines up with our “over it” phase far too often in my opinion.

I suggest you weigh you’re risk and reward in this situation.

How long did it take you to get to a place where you were almost over it?

Would it behoove you to make friends with your ex or avoid contact with him forever.

Of course, it all depends on your individual circumstance.  Just know that frequent repeated texts from your ex boyfriend can mean a lot of things, so be sure to take the time to peel back the layers, over time, to understand the root cause.

I find that in my life it almost always makes sense to be friends with an ex simply because you share a friend-base, but that’s not really the case for everyone, but you should definitely not throw any new relationships to the side simply because he texted.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Frequently Asked Questions About Whether Your Ex Boyfriend Has You On His Mind

FAQ 1: My Ex cheated but now says he wants me back. Does he care about me? The signs are not off the chart?

When someone cheats on us, trust is eroded.  If he says he wants everything back that he had with you is a good thing to hear, but just because he says this, doesn’t mean that it will happen.  His actions will speak louder.  There needs to be a restoration of the trust lost and that will take time.  Know that there will likely be periods where his trust in you erodes.  You can do things like openly sharing your phone records and checking in with him more frequently over time to earn it back.

FAQ 2: What can you do when you feel your ex boyfriend doesn’t care about you enough?

First you need to get back to basics as to what is really going on between the two of you.  Has there been a series of breakdowns and breakups? If so, then you need to focus on creating some value in how he sees you.  That won’t happen overnight and it it likely won’t happen if you are still half way in and out of the relationship. Sometimes it pays to pull all the way out, going into a no contact period, then coming back after you have focused on improving yourself and rebuilding your own confidence and value in his eyes.

FAQ 3: My ex boyfriend says he cares for me, but wont be with me or make any effort to give us a chance.  How do I change his mind?

Trying to change his mind should not be your focus.  Sometimes, the harder you try to make a relationship work, the more difficult it becomes to make that wish a reality.  If your lover truly feels connected to you and shows through his actions that he values you, the rest will fall in place.  The question is how do you build that kind of value.  It’s usually not by pushing your ex boyfriend hard for the very thing you want.  His natural impulse may be to resist.  Men like the chase. Give him something to be attracted to and do it often and make it fun.

FAQ 4:  How can I be sure my ex boyfriend will love me again in the same way he did before?  We are back together, but are we doomed?  Did my cheating on him ruin us for life?

Certainly, when we are dealing with cheating episodes in a relationship, damage is done and it is not undone in a matter of weeks or months.  In my view, the problem is not your ex boyfriend loving you less.  Love is not something that waxes and wanes. It is far more complicated and lasting than that. Love between you and your ex does not easily steal away into the night.  You are better off at working at restoring trust through trust building exercises, ongoing counseling, and an opening up of your life  to show your ex boyfriend you have full transparency.

FAQ 5: I am not sure if my ex wants me back because he doesn’t text me any longer. Can I do something to get his attention?

Yes, you absolutely can do something to improve your ex recovery odds.  Just because your ex bf stopped texting you doesn’t mean he stopped caring about you or has given up.  That desire to text you comes from the same place that caused him to want to date you in the first place.  Your job going forward is to leverage that.  And there are a multitude of ways to reignite that spark.  My eBooks help people optimize their chances to get noticed and they teach you how you can arouse his interest.  But you have to have a plan and you need to be faithful to executing it.  And how your individual plan will work will depending on an assortment of factors.

 

Okay Let’s Wrap Up!

You know what, that’s what you should take away from this I suppose.

I’m going to be straight with you; you’re never going to really know what is going on in your ex’s mind for sure. Even if you flat out asked them, you’ll probably never get the truth, because of pride, or selfishness, confusion, or just plain stupidity.

Relationship truths are not revealed so easily when both parties are still struggling to get in touch with their feelings.  You may think you know what you want, but later you may discover that it is not that important any longer whether your ex boyfriend wants you.

You may discover you really don’t want him.

Try Not To Sweat All the Uncertainties of Your Breakup!

As a matter of fact, you’ll never truly know why ANYONE does the things they do. It’s human nature.
So my advice to you, don’t dwell on the things you don’t have control over.

If you’re spending your time over-analyzing every little thing that he does, you’re going to miss the important things going on around you. Don’t miss out on wonderful friends, or good relationships because of a relationship that is already over.

I assure you, most of the time after a relationship, he is doing everything he can’t not to think about you or the relationship. He’ll cut himself off from you and surround himself with women and distractions if that’s the only way he sees. Sure, there are moments when he misses what you had, but those could be just fleeting moments.  Or not.  He may be one of those guys that has to take the more difficult path to discover you are the one he wants..

It’s up to you whether you want to get over the relationship and move on or try your hand at getting him back.

If you are having to ask if he cares though, then that’s just it, he probably doesn’t, unless you are speaking from a place of insecurity.  People show you, not just in tiny gestures, that they care.  So if you look and listen carefully, there will be a ton of little signs speak to the truth of your connection.

Even Famous People Struggle With Accepting Truths in Breakups

Would you believe that even Oprah dealt with this exact problem?

Many, many years ago, she was discussing a lost relationship with Dr. Maya Anjelou. She spoke about waiting for that phone call that never came. “When a person says to you, ‘I’m selfish,’ or ‘I’m mean’ or ‘I am unkind,’ believe them,” She said. “They know themselves much better than you do.”

She eluded to how this man had let her down, and the pain that she was going through. Dr. Anjelou replied to this by asking, “Why are you blaming the other person? He showed you who he was.”

“When you look back on bad relationships… For myself, [it was] sitting in a window waiting for him to show up, not even getting on the phone because I was afraid that if it was busy for one second that he would call and I would miss the call, not taking out the garbage on the weekends because I might be out the moment that he called, not running the bath water because he might call while I’m running the bath water…When you look at that process of waiting on somebody who has told you they were… going to be there for you and they were not, they are showing you in that moment exactly who they are.”

fullsizerender

So when you look back at your break up and you think of anything he’s done that is outright vicious or mean, know that, yes, he was probably just doing that to push you away, but there are many other ways to go about that.

Believe it or not, his actions reflect upon his very character. He’s showing you who he is.

I know it’s tempting to make excuses for him.

“He’s hurting.”

Or

“He’s just trying to save me from even more heartache.”

But that’s like cutting off your hand to save yourself the pain of a papercut.

The papercut will heal in time, just like you will eventually get over a break up.

But by pushing you away in a harsh manner, saying horrible things or doing things that will deliberately hurt you, well that’s really a much deeper cut that will take much longer, if ever, to heal.

So I implore you not to delude the situation in front of you. If you had a daughter and she was in any of these situations, what would you tell her?

249 thoughts on “Does Your Ex Boyfriend Still Care About You? Let’s Find Out Together!”

  1. Renee

    August 13, 2018 at 11:08 pm

    Hello again! So I have been no contact for about 2 and a half weeks and have run into my ex at a karaoke bar. I saw his friend come in while I was walking out to take a call and then saw my ex outside looking at the building to hide his face. I wasn’t 100% sure it was him but I walked by slowly and observed but then looked away to take the call. I then saw them both walk out and down the street. So, he avoided me. I also found out that he is still friends with all my family members and even likes their posts. He also looks at my sisters Instagram posts and stories (that have me in them) but not mine. I feel a little hurt like he is just treating me as a friend when we never talked about being friends. I even told him at one point in time in our relationship that I could never be friends with an ex especially if I still loved him. I don’t know why he is doing this. My sister thinks its weird that an ex would still take a chance to look at her story when I am still in them. sigh…

  2. Isa

    May 14, 2018 at 3:59 am

    I’d like to know, how one should approach social media? For instance, I’ve noticed my ex has become very active on all platforms but I do my best to not overthink it and avoid my own social media. What I’d like to know is what should I do? For example, it’s going to be 2 weeks since the breakup should I chnage my profile pics, delete pictures of us together? Like I’ve said I noticed he recently updated his profile pics and relationship status but I’ve done nothing other than limit my use on social media.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 14, 2018 at 3:24 pm

      Hi Isa…great question! You can be very tactical in your use of social media to present a picture of yourself of someone who is vibrant and attractive and engaged with life. You can drop little breadcrumbs in there to create attraction….little jealousy ploys sometimes can work depending on the situation. Why don’t you dive into one of the comprehensive eBooks I have written on this subject. You should find what you need on the “Products” Page of my website. Just click on my Menu and it will lead you to the “Products” link. I offer tons of ideas and actionable solutions. You need not do this on the run!

  3. Sanya

    May 13, 2018 at 9:30 pm

    So I broke no contact 2 weeks in. I texted him saying I miss him and that I thought I could go without talking but I can’t. He said that he did not appreciate me ghosting him at all. He was the one who broke up with me. Since that message, it’s been three days and we’ve talked a little over whatsapp but I have always been the one to initiate and keep up the conversation. He doesn’t come online till I text him, and he comes online when I do and responds to all my messages, but doesn’t actively participate in the conversation. I essentially told him three days ago that I don’t want to force him into anything, but I will fight for us and he said “okay”. What do I do now? I can’t tell if he doesn’t want to talk to me or wants to but wants me to work for it.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 13, 2018 at 9:39 pm

      Well Sanya….pick up my ebook and you will learn that an important part of ex recovery is building value in yourself, so he notices. You don’t want the balance to shift such that you are doing all of the chasing. Since communications are underway, that is fine. But going forward, keep contact limited until he shows a willingness to initiate. The idea here as explained in my ebook is to work toward a meet up…but you need to build value first. And you need to experience some healing in yourself so if this doesn’t work out, you have other things to look forward to doing.

  4. Ellie

    May 12, 2018 at 3:14 pm

    LONG POST, SORRY
    After months building rapport, my ex told me that he has moved on, that he only wanted fun, not complications (“too much drama in my life already”), texting sometimes and admitted he was still very attracted to me but not wanted a relationship (I guess that distance affects too, big complication for him, hates LDR and at this moment he is living across the country). I went NC an played UG. Day 31 he texted more affectionate than ever, told me that he always felt happier when I texted him, since we met… He asked me for a video for seeing my face “like if you were here”. We texted for two hours (never that long since the break up) and he was calling me pet names and sending kisses. I was more distant because the previous conversation has hurted me. I was nice but not affectionate. After that I didn’t initiate, I needed him to text me again. We used to have a balance initiating but the two months before that awful conversation it was almost always me and sometimes he answered in 10 minutes and another times he didn’t read me in a week. So my fear doesn’t let me text him, I need him to initiate. But he didn’t. It’s been almost 5 weeks, we’ve never spent so much time without texting each other. I am scared and sad. I miss him but…I am afraid he doesn’t want to talk, he isn’t initiating so… (I know it was him the last time but still…).
    I think he is “infatuated” by another girl he has “die<lized". She has a boyfriend but everytime they had an argument, he goes to my ex crying in order to get his attention. She need to be admired and all. But now I am afraid he may have broke up with her boyfriend and tries something with my ex. She lives far from him but wants to go to college in his city. And I am scared. She had him friendzoned but what if that ended? What if she decided to try the "good guy"?
    I keep playing UG and keeping my social media game up. But his postings during the last month… Well, my best friend (not the kind of person who tells you what you want to hear) says that his posts scream "text me!", that he's mirroring my postings (yes, he kinda is) and trying to make me jealous. I don't know what to believe, I am scared he moved on for good, met another girl, started something with the one I mentioned or just "erased" me from his mind completely. These days we could be talking about a common interest which is in the news but he isn't texting me about it, he talks about it in social media and with other people but not with me. So I understand that he doesn't want…my friend says that he is waiting for me to text him but, as I said, I am scared and don't dare to text him (even if I miss him like crazy) because I am afraid he ignores me or something…And I would need a first text, not a response. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to "compete" without talking to him… I don't know if keeping this "not initiating until he does again" is good or not, as I said, I really need him to initiate but I am not getting it…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 12, 2018 at 11:39 pm

      Hi Ellie….lost of stuff going on here with your situation. Sometimes these rebound romances play out and yes, he may be carrying some resentments. You have done a lot of things to build value and yet things are not where you want them. He has been up and down and so its hard to ride his roller coaster. Perhaps at this stage, you do reach out to him and explore his willingness to communicate

  5. Penny

    May 12, 2018 at 8:22 am

    The other day my ex boyfriend sent me a message saying he was tired of what we had become and was tired of everything. He’s recently got into a new relationship but I was wondering if this meant anything? I asked him to explain what he meant but he refused and told me to forget about it…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 12, 2018 at 11:56 pm

      Hi Penny….that was odd. My guess is that he is harboring some misgivings about the two of you breaking up and is trying to reconcile what he should do and what it all means. So maybe this unintelligible message was his emotions kind of crying out. Maybe with this new relationship, he now has a better way to measure your value and sees that you offer things this one doesn’t. Got an idea for you! Consider picking up my Ex Recovery Pro ebook available on this site (see Menu Section under “Products”)! It’s designed to dive deep into lots of tactics if you think you want him back. The ebook is epic in length. Best of luck my friend!

  6. Sarah

    January 10, 2018 at 3:29 am

    The call was last week, I didnt answer. The last time we have had contact was when he messaged me on social media about a month before.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2018 at 5:23 pm

      sorry, I was confused.. so he’s update about his life was a month ago? But you didn’t answer his call last week.. If you didn’t talk to him in any way since last month, and if you’re actively improving yourself and in posting, you can either extend to 45 days before initiating or initiate now to slowly rebuild rapport.

  7. Sarah

    January 8, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    My ex fiancé and I broke up about six months ago. I told him he needed to see a therapist. He has since been focusing on work & hooking up with other women. He’s brought up wanting to be friends, to stay in contact, meeting up, etc. I’ve made it clear what I expect from him. We stopped talking. He reached out to me to update me on his life. He’s blocked and unblocked me on social media when I havent responded (we weren’t even friends). And about a week or so later he called.

    I don’t know what to think.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 10, 2018 at 2:41 am

      Hi Sarah,

      when was that call?

  8. Confused

    January 3, 2018 at 2:55 pm

    What if he asked for some time (a few weeks says he) with exception of holidays. And although he replies really quickly, it was a really cold reply.

    What if he said he wants us to see each other again after some time? What does it means?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 9:27 pm

      it’s hard to say in why in just that but if you always play by his rules, you’re showing him you’re just waiting and can be stringed along..

  9. Asli

    October 6, 2017 at 12:02 am

    we divorced with my husband 9 months ago. I threw him out before we divorced. then he started dating a new woman even though we were married. He went to live with this woman. The woman threw him out and my ex husband tried to come home. I did not let him come back .Then he started to go out with a woman I knew and took common pictures with her so he could make me jealous. Then i went abroad. He called me and said he was not ready for marriage. We agreed that we are friends because we have a common child. when I returned to Finland, I continued my life and I kept in touch with my close male friends. Then my ex-husband behavior changed and he started to ignores me. Once he called me and started intimidste me. He started to intervene my actions. He dont want that I am dealing with men. then he removed me from social media and said he did not want to ever know me. afterwards I knew that then he divorced from the woman she had been living with. now he has agreed with her again and he is Ignoring me and our child. Now he is in relationship with this wowan and whenever he broke up with her , he start to hang out new womens or start to fight me without reason. What this behavior means ? Is he over me yet? Is he in rebound relationship?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 8, 2017 at 8:31 pm

      Hi Asli,

      He can be in a rebound but it can also be just ego because he still has that sense of ownership with you and that because he can see you’re still affected if he acts like that

  10. Suzie

    May 21, 2017 at 2:24 pm

    Hi I want to know if there is any possibility that my ex
    Might contact me again .
    Obviously I want to believe he misses me and will regret leaving me .
    I don’t think he will . I think he is determined to keep moving on .
    Cheers Suzie

    1. Suzie

      May 28, 2017 at 1:21 am

      Thank You . I have been hoping for contact as I’m struggling to move on .
      I miss him far more than I thought I would .
      I also think he has moved on .
      He has done this many times over .
      His relationships since divorced never go further than 3 years at the longest .
      He always says the same thing for each one . He just couldn’t get it to work.
      I believe he found it difficult to cut me off even though he wanted to and did so to make it easier for him to move on .
      He had a ten year history with an on again off again Partner . Never lasting longer than six months . She kept dumping him .
      I know he has stayed in relationships when he knew at an early point that it wasn’t going to go the distance .
      All this worried me that I would become another one of his failed attempts and he would stay not being sure without me realising it .
      Crazy but my son said he could have fooled him , he thought he was in love with me . So did my daughter .
      I’m not going to risk contact . I’m certain he would reject me further .
      It’s possible with a lot convincing in a moment of weakness he might see me but Im not the woman he wants .
      It’s painful . All I can do is one day at a time .
      Cheers

    2. Suzie

      May 26, 2017 at 11:34 am

      Hi , He walked out during angry with me 7 weeks ago .
      At first I didn’t realise that he had dumped me . After a few days I realised he wanted out .
      He didn’t contact me again .
      I finally couldn’t handle no contact . After 5 weeks I texted him to please call me .
      It took 2 text messages .
      We spoke he didn’t give exact reasons .
      He said the time away from me made him realise that we didn’t have a future .
      He thought we are in different paths ? A bit confusing as I’m retired so not on any path in particular .
      My impression from the conversation was he had lost interest and wanted to free up his time .
      He was very cold and uncaring .
      I did not ask to try again .
      He suggested maybe we could be friends down the track . I was very hurt and declined .
      He does not stay friends with his exes . I mentioned this and he said that’s true but with me it might be different .
      I assumed at this stage he only saw me as some sort of friend .
      I said Goodbye . He was reluctant to reply and said this is hard .
      I told him the damage had been done . It was the second time in a year he had got angry with me and cut me off .
      He isn’t usually an angry guy.
      Both times it was over feeling pressured that I wanted more time from him and not accepting his lifestyle ( lives on a boat ).
      We were together for 2 1/2 years . The last year has been long distance but not far . 1/12 hour drive.
      He visited every WE.
      It’s been 2 weeks since our only phone chat.
      There has been no contact on either side .
      Cheers

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2017 at 4:02 pm

      well, it’s more likely that he has moved on.. if you want to try again, approach it from that perspective.. that means rebuilding and starting over, instead of hoping or trying to grasp if there is still something left from him.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 22, 2017 at 7:45 pm

      Hi Suzie,

      when and why did you break up?

  11. Konfused

    May 18, 2017 at 3:08 am

    Wow, I should have seen this article earlier when I broke up with my ex.
    My ex and I broke up but we were in the same project group. He always tell me he cares about me and stuff. Any time we get intimate, he seems to be happy with me but then when we are outside he behaves weird and pushes me away from him. I told him he should give me space so that we don’t regret in future, he told me now is the time we needed each other so I shouldn’t say that. He calls me to buy food and other things for me, celebrated my birthday. Just last 3 days we had s**, and he made a comment which i didn’t like. He realize I wasn’t fooling or anything so he came to tell me he was sorry and things. Just yesterday he’s started showing that his weird behavior meanwhile he was so happy with me the previous days. Should I do him the no contact rule thing. And do you think he still likes me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 9:15 pm

      when and why did you break up? how long was the relationship?

  12. Lolol

    March 6, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    …Cripes… This article really sums up how my ex boyfriend dealt with our breakup. He used the out of sight and mind method before crazily coming back to apologise for being such an idiot to me after realising I’d cut him off social media…why oh why did I ever message him back??!…I’m certain he just wanted to ascertain that I still loved him before he then continued he wants to date others ‘right now’ (still won’t admit to ruling me out completely after six months apart)….I feel like such an idiot. He talks to me like ‘I’ll always be here if you wanna talk’ and ‘I care about you and you mean something to me’ ‘I have to follow my gut feelings’…then why try and apologise to be on good terms again doofus?!! ..obviously wants to know I’m still interested in the background..so my recovery goes back to square one and I have to face more hurt. I deeply regret not taking the upper hand through his desperate sounding apology message and running with it!!!! :[email protected]

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 5:45 am

      Hi Lolol,

      that’s ok..just make up in the present by being more focused in yourself

  13. Christine

    February 11, 2017 at 8:03 pm

    Hi again,
    And we’ve planned to meet at his place and we’ve agreed not to have sex. I’ll control myself because I’m willing to have him back.So is there hope for me. How should i act?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 13, 2017 at 3:48 pm

      Hi Christine,

      move on.. at this point, it’s so clear that he’s just using you..he knows what to say to you because he knows how you feel about him and he knows that he can convince you and abuse you..

  14. Christine

    February 11, 2017 at 7:50 pm

    Hi?
    The guide was really helpful but i would want to know about my situation. Well my boyfriend and I broke up last year and i was his fwb. I have not had sex with him though since last year and decided to do no contact. He texted while i ignored and called a couple of times. After the no contact i contacted him and he replied. I told him about what i hated In the relationship and all the wrong things he used to do that didn’t make me comfortable. I then told him, if he wanted us to be friends he should give me space for a while but he kept on contacting me.
    He is even engaging in conversations unlike before when he used to ignore me before i did no contact. He’s brought up sex talks and I’ve told him we can’t have sex unless he commits. I have told him that every time he brought up sex talks and he has agreed to not do it. He would ask me things like,why wouldn’t i concider the fact that he has never had sex with another girl ever since he knew me and after the breakup. How do i even trust him really and know this isn’t only about sex ? How do i know if he is lying or telling the truth? He would tell me that he wants us to start as friends and that he trusts me even if i cheated on him with his friend but i would insist on not having sex if we are friends unless he commits. He asks me to trust him and that he’s not a fuck boy.What should i do about this?
    I have also done him favours like sending him money to have his phone repaired. Is that wrong since we are friends? Is he really staying friends hoping for benefits or does he really mean his words? How do i know the difference and what should i do? Will he commit? I’m really patient with him. Please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 13, 2017 at 3:49 pm

      Hi Christine,

      move on.. at this point, it’s so clear that he’s just using you..he knows what to say to you because he knows how you feel about him and he knows that he can convince you and abuse you..

  15. Fifi

    January 19, 2017 at 3:16 am

    I came across your site and thought I’d like to share my experience with my ex. We broke up in November as I became to attached to him and not giving enough space to him. However, 2 weeks post breakup he agreed to travel together, since we’ve booked a trip together. After, when he leave for Christmas holidays in Europe for two weeks, he wished me on my birthday and Happy New Year. He contacted me when he is back in town informing me he bought me some gifts and we met again over weekend and spent the long weekend together. However, he did not keep in touch with me on weekdays like he used to. Last week, he invited me for breakfast on Saturday morning and I bring along my friends to join in the breakfast. On Sunday, he texted me for breakfast again, and I proposed to meet him over dinner and he agreed to it and we had dinner together. I am going to observe if he will text me again this coming weekend to meet me up.The whole point is in this situation, why is he behaving this way? Is he interested wanting to get back together or I am just wasting my time with him stringing me along? Whats your opinion on this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 20, 2017 at 3:41 pm

      Hi Fifi,

      so you never did nc? there’s a chance that there might be feelings of wanting you back but there’s also a chance that you’re friendzoned

  16. Pilar

    December 21, 2016 at 9:54 pm

    Broke up with my ex bf 6 months ago and The problem Is that he won’t let me move on. We tried getting back together once and it lasted a day. The first time I broke up with him because he was acting distant and the second time he broke it off because I stormed out of his house because he wouldn’t talk to me about what was going on. He only said he was scared to get hurt again and he was not the same person anymore. Every couple of months when he thinks I am dating someone else or I am over him he would initiate contact and mentioned us getting together or us talking and I have agreed but the first two times he came up with excuses when it came down for us to go on a date and this last time he really made me mad. He contacted me late at night and was wanting to make plans to go out on a date the next night, he even asked for my parents to come along. I agree but because of his history lately I didn’t mention it to my parents, the next morning he texted me to cancel as I figured he would. I ended up deleting him from Facebook because I can’t move on while we are still friends. I dk why he does this, he has gone as far as telling me he loves me. He said he is damaged and wants to be ready for me but I swear he goes back and forth. He has been divorced for a few years but I don’t think he ever got over the fact that his marriage was a failure. I love him but I can’t deal with the hot and cold. Even wonder if every time he messaged me was because he was lonely or drinking. Is he playing mind games, or is he really confused?

    1. fifi

      January 22, 2017 at 2:09 am

      we had limited contact sort of connection i suppose. is it possible to implement the NC from now?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2017 at 11:14 am

      yes, you can still do full nc

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 26, 2016 at 10:15 am

      Hi Pilar,

      he might be really confused, or he likes the feeling of just having you but not committing..if you really want to move on, just dont answer him

  17. Oktavia

    November 10, 2016 at 4:20 pm

    Hi, I’ve been thinking about this lately. I’ve been in no contact rule for 3 weeks, he texted me a couple times but it’s more like he’s upset with what’s going on, maybe he thinks I’m just playing with his feelings and all of his sacrifices. -a little flashback- So all of this time we have been in a relationship and he really spent his time for me, we did campus project together and we even know each other family. My parents are being supportive towards the relationship because they see him as a good person, nice, polite, and all of this good boy criteria. He introduced me to his parents too and they are very open to me, they even send me souvenirs whenever they go back from vacation. So we have a really great time, really great time until my mother has this faith that I will be with him in the future. But things went wrong and we broke up very badly. I can’t even tell who initiate the break up, but what makes me desperate is the fact that he probably hate me because he think I played with his feeling and he feel like anything I do offense him. Thats why he text me and even say that I’m being a jerk for doing that to him. I feel confuse because I don’t know how to react. But I keep on doing the no contact so I didn’t reply to his texts… I bet it makes him feel like I’m completely ignoring him and that would make him even angrier with me. What scared me is the fact that he might tell his families about our break up, and since he has to defence himself, of course he will say that I’m not like what they think, I hurt him, I play with his feelings, even worse, he might say I just ‘used’ him that is why he say I don’t appreciate his effort and sacrifice all of this time. And of course his family will think I’m not good. What I think is that will affect the possibility to recover this, right? Because he would probably follow his family to not being with me anymore. Beside, I heard he also already said bad things about me to his friends, and to his brother’s friend as well.
    So my chances now is bad? What do you think I should do ? Do I need to stop the no contact right now and just let him go or is there any possibility that I still can work this out? Thank you for answering anyway 🙂 🙂

    1. Oktavia

      November 14, 2016 at 4:00 am

      Another additional info, yesterday I went to my mother’s friend wedding and accidently met his parents. They greet my uncle first but I think his mom didn’t recognise me. When we share eye contacts for about 3 seconds ( I’m quiet sure she stopped and look at me for like 2 3 seconds), I wanted to give her a smile or at least say hello to her, but she just staring at me and then look the other way, busy finding seats for her. I was in shock, I keep thinking that maybe she already know about what happened to me and him, and I’m afraid to say that she’s probably mad and being super sensitive with me post break up. I don’t know if it’s true but if I can think positive, maybe she just simply doesn’t recognise me because when my mom meet her and a friend, she greet her very politely nicely and my mom said she did the same… What I’m scared is that if his parents already hates me for some reason ( sometimes after a break up he could talk to his/her parents about the break up right, and some of the parents feel this hatred towards his/her ex). What do you think? I really need advice right now … Will that decrease the possibility?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 14, 2016 at 5:27 pm

      Hi Oktavia,

      what confuses me is why you broke up. why did you break up? And when did you actually break up?

    3. Oktavia

      November 10, 2016 at 4:21 pm

      Oh, and one thing, how can I show him that I can change my bad attitude if he’s not looking at it? I mean how can he know I have changed or at least want to change when we are splitting up like this?

  18. A

    October 19, 2016 at 6:50 pm

    Hi,

    My ex and I were together for almost 2 years and lived together for 10 months. He broke up with me 08/04, so about 2 1/2 months ago. I messed up the first 7 weeks, begging, crying…calling him and such. He broke up with me due to our arguing, we talked about marriage and children everyday so it was out of the blue for me bc I thought we’d never break up. I also messed up and slept with him after a month of us breaking up and also wrote him a letter about realizing the mistakes we had both made and owned up to them. After the sex, he told me he felt bad and didn’t want me to have false hope of us getting back together, which really stung. A couple of days after that I went off on him somewhat telling him he used me and I wasn’t that kind of girl and stuff. He sent me a long email about being sorry for everything, but we couldn’t be together and stuff. I’m blocked on his fb, so I just deleted my fb so I wouldn’t look him up. We don’t follow each other on Instagram but neither of us are blocked so I think he looks at that but I’m not sure. Flash to today, I am on Day 20 of no contact. It was hard to get here, and I haven’t heard a word for him. Do you think there’s still a chance for him and I? Even though there were arguments, we were very happy with each other. Were also only 20 years old, not sure if that matters. How many days of no contact do you think I should do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 20, 2016 at 4:58 pm

      Hi A,

      do at least 45..I think there’s a chance, but you have to really genuinely change.. forget the previous relationship and take this as a restart.. Start out slowly as being friendly only at first..

      Yeah, you’re young and he’s young, so what you need to keep in mind is that you have to take it slow and you need to have your own life even when you’re in a relationship..

  19. A

    October 7, 2016 at 6:17 am

    My ex messaged me a few days ago because he was concerned abt me (for a particular reason) I didn’t reply especially because I broke nc once before with him (he was calling everyday) and I had to start over. However I’m feeling remoreseful that I didn’t reply, I also told him not to call or message me the last time we spoke. He hasn’t tried to contact me since so I’m wondering now if he is gone for good, it also seems as if he blocked me from whatsapp because I can’t see his display pic or last seen. Im just really worried he won’t come back, what do you think? (Day 10 nc)

    1. A

      October 12, 2016 at 4:13 am

      Ok thanks Amor very helpful

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 12, 2016 at 10:33 am

      You’re welcome!

    3. A

      October 9, 2016 at 9:53 pm

      And also i dont get why he would block me or delete my number if he is just respecting my space? And how long will he respect my space until he is calling me again. I felt better when he was always calling me because at least I knew he was thinking of me you know

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 9:38 am

      well, you can’t expect him to always chase you.. he’s human.. he’ll get that it’s not working so he has to stop.. That could be another reason for him to block you, to stop himself from constant checking.. more likely, when he’s more confident that you will probably reply, he will initiate but after no contact, it’s ok that you initiate as long as you’re the one who’s going to end the conversation in high note.

    5. A

      October 9, 2016 at 9:46 pm

      So do you think he’ll text me that he wants me back? I think he took me for granted during the relationship and so he thought I would still be around begging him to take me back so I think no contact is good to let him realize that it is not so as a result I don’t think I should be the one to reach out to him after no contact because I think it would jus seem like I was chasing him again and besides he broke up with me. So what do you think my chances are of him reaching out to me (seeing that he blocked me after I didn’t reply to him)?

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 9, 2016 at 6:06 pm

      Hi A,

      he’s probably just respecting your space

  20. Happi

    October 4, 2016 at 8:38 pm

    I have had an on-off relationship for the last 3 years. It was only “off” because my job took me away, and long distance was hard but we would make efforts to visit each other. Since last december we have had much more contact talking every week. And a few months ago he called me saying he wants more, a committed relationship long distance that would lead to marriage and one of us moving to the other person. He constantly talked about wanting to marry me and have kids and live together. He made more effort to come visit me more frequently, and after months of this I thought I should move and we try to do this for real. He was so excited when I told him I would move. But then the past 2 weeks he has been so busy and distant that I was confused so I asked him a few times if he was sure this is what he really wanted. He assured me each time. But then 3 days ago he ends it in a text saying he is too busy to focus on someone else and doesnt want to hurt me. I was so confused, as we had just spent a weekend together the week before and everything was fine. He wouldn’t respond to my texts back asking him what that means. And then he blocked my number and social media. But 2 days ago he sent me a message on snapchat saying he wants to talk on the phone. but then yesterday he blocks me on snapchat and never called. I don’t get it. I thought I was going to marry him. Is it just over now? Can I wait a few weeks and try to contact him?

    1. Happi

      October 7, 2016 at 8:32 pm

      Do you think that means its over forever? Why would he say he wants to talk but block me and not call instead?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2016 at 12:21 pm

      nope.. I think he’s confused.. and blocking you was a way for him to figure out what he really wants.

    3. Happi

      October 4, 2016 at 11:01 pm

      also I want to mention that ill be in town where he lives in a few weeks. can i reach out to try and talk in person? Or just wait?
      I am still planning on moving back there, as i have family there and its just right for me.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 6, 2016 at 9:48 pm

      Hi Happi,

      yeah, just wait.. but while waiting, be active with yourself. Read this one too:
      How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

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