Today I have three quick lessons for you!
First, you should know that your ex boyfriend is liable to do all kinds of crazy things that will cause you to wonder if he still cares about you. You might find yourself wandering around your house, bumping into walls in a daze as you reflect on your ex boyfriend’s latest shenanigans.
But when you boil it all down, what keeps you up all night is the fear your ex boyfriend might not want you anymore. You may look about at all the clues and convince yourself that the signs point to him not wanting to be with you.
Well, let me just tell you not to give up on your ex quite just yet.
Could He Possibly Still Be Interested in Me?
So what’s the quick answer to your query of whether your ex still has feelings for you?
Are you ready for my quick expert answer!
It is very likely your ex boyfriend cares for you far more than he lets on and there are several signs to look for that may reveal whether he still holds on to that love you are so afraid has gone missing.
Now my next two lessons are not so earth shattering, though one of them is pretty darn useful to know!
Don’t take your vitamins after you’ve been eating almonds and don’t open those stupid LinkedIn emails.
OK, we don’t want to go nuts talking about nuts since we are on this topic of your ex boyfriend! But the other tip is golden.
Don’t you just hate it when you get message like:
“Ashley, people have been checking out your profile.”
I keep my LinkedIn updated, but I rarely use it as a networking tool and I almost always drag and drop those right into the trash. As a side note, sometimes I actually do feel if I could drag and drop my ex boyfriend in the trash for not showing enough that he cares about me, it would be so uplifting.
But I would settle for some clear signs he still has special feelings for me.
So today I had to decide to open that stupid email and only to find my ex boyfriend’s face staring up at me from the screen.
There it was.
I had gone out of my way to avoid looking at any of his profiles since we split and I had been doing a damn good job of it, if I do say so myself.
Suddenly, hundreds of what-ifs and questions started swimming around my head. You know those silly thoughts that cross every girl’s mind when any reason rears its head after a breakup.
We don’t just jump to small conclusions either.
We follow them like rabbit trails to extremes, hoping for a sign or clue that our ex boyfriend realizes he still cares and loves us more then he even knows himself.
How Can You Really Know If Your Ex Boyfriend Even Wants You Anymore?
I know he’s been acting like a complete jerk, but clearly this means he misses me, right?
Maybe he wants to get back together?
Would I even take him back if he did?
Thankfully, saner heads prevailed. I came to the conclusion that either he did it by mistake or he just saw that I got a new job and was just satiating his curiosity.
Either way, I had the option to delude myself into thinking it was something it wasn’t. I chose not to lie to myself. I am so much better off because of it.
I was trying to figure out a way to lead into this article when this happened, and I cannot think of a better illustration of the things men do after a breakup that just leave us going, “Huh?”
Allow me to elaborate.
After a break up, even if we’re the ones that did the breaking up, we will always be left wondering what’s going on in our ex boyfriend’s head.
I mean, no one wants to hear that their ex got over them without any problems what-so-ever. Pride’s a funny thing like that. It is the driving force behind so many of the situations I want to talk about today.
Hope is another major player in this case. In fact, if we were the dumpee, this curiosity is inflamed by some sort of hope that he will see reason and come running back, like being lost in the dessert and seeing mirages everywhere you turn.
So, here’s what I have decided to do.
I have put together a list of… let’s call them “behaviors” that men engage in after a breakup that make you wonder:
Is there a chance my ex boyfriend stills loves and care about me?
It turns out, I have identified 9 signs that suggest the possibility that your ex still does want you. Or maybe not. Maybe he is just being his old self or his new, worse self and is jerking your chain. We are going to find out!
Here are the 9 Signs that might reveal whether your ex boyfriend still has feelings for you.
- Drunk Texting
- Liking Your Pics And Then Removing You From Social Media
- Double Standards
- Completely Ignoring You
- Being A Complete Jerk
- Jumping Into A New Relationship
- Staying Friends (Hoping For Benefits)
- Contacting You After You Asked For Space
And I am going to dissect these behaviors for you so we can actually answer that eternal question of,
Does my ex boyfriend not care about me and everything we had together anymore?
Let’s find out!
9 Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Might Still Care About You
I need to make something clear. Just because your ex bf is showing some signs that he might not have given up on you and still wants you in his life, don’t lose sight of the reality that the after breakup period is well known for its shifting moods and attitudes.
One day your ex boyfriend rolls out of bed and finds that he is consumed with thoughts about you. He is convinced you are the one and can’t believe his stupidity of letting this relationship collapse.
Your ex boyfriend may be so convinced that he wants and needs you in every way possible, that he is desperate to make it up to you. And if he doesn’t do something about it soon, he will go nuts.
So he reaches out to you. Of course, you are still hurt and in his mind you don’t quite say all the right things that he dreamed up in his fantasy dream. Suddenly, like a canon shot, his ego is deflated and his mood changes. Now he cannot even imagine being with you ever again.
Such is the whipsaw ways in which your ex boyfriend’s emotions and feelings can get twisted beyond recognition.
So just know that reading signs is one thing. Interpreting them correctly and drawing long lasting conclusions about what your ex’s behavior really reveals, well, that is a different thing altogether.
So let’s give it a try!
Sign #1: Your Ex boyfriend Instantly Decides in a Fit of Rage, Jealousy, or Undying Love That He Will Drunk Text You
It’s two o’clock in the morning. Your phone dings that familiar “ding”.
You sleepily reach under your pillow and bring the blinding screen to your face.
They’re rapid fire and, for a grammar nazi like him, they’re a wreck.
You consider responding.
It’d be nice to sleep next to him again or even just be friends.
But then you think about last week when you got a similar stream of texts from him early in the morning, you answered trying to make sure he got home okay. Only for him to pass out mid text, leaving those annoying three little dots dancing on your screen.
You saw him at school the next day and dammit if he didn’t treat you worse than he did before.
Your Ex’s View Of How It All Went Down -“Hey I am not the bad guy here”
He and some of his guy friends went out to grab some beers and catch a game. His friend, Sam brought his girlfriend. They spent the entire time playing grab-ass and being sickeningly sweet.
His other friends picked up some girls from the bar before they left. He went to pay his tab and realized that he was going home alone.
He had been out of the dating game for a while now. Suddenly, he started thinking about those times when he didn’t have to feel this way. Walking out of the bar, his drunk brain said,
“We should tell her we miss her. That’s a nice thing to do. Maybe she’ll be nice back. We could maybe hook up this once.”
So he texted you.
And whether you answer, or you don’t, he will always wake up in the morning and remember the reasons the two of you split in the first place.
He’ll spend the next few days scolding himself for ever texting you and heaven forbid if you see him or try to reach out to him. In an effort to keep himself from doing it again, he’ll try to push you away by being mean.
Let me show you something.
I asked my bestie (also an ex) what kind of weird things he’d do after a break up.
Here’s a screenshot of that conversation,
Yes, I asked if I could share it with you guys.
What kind of monster do you think I am?
How to Deal With An Ex That Seems To Care About You But Is Drunk
Remind yourself when you get those texts, that if he can’t say it sober and during business hours (you know, when you’re awake), then it’s probably not worth hanging your hat on.
Men are impulsive and reactive. They will do whatever they can to make themselves feel better when they feel bad. That’s why there are so many middle aged men driving sports cars out there.
So your ex boyfriend is going to have to show you the same kind of caring interest when he is sober before you get all excited that the relationship could be coming back together.
Sign#2: Your Ex Bf Will Like Your Posts or Pics And Then Suddenly Remove You From Social Media
You posted some pictures of your fun weekend spent with and family.
And there it is again his name, among your notifications, like a beacon in the vast ocean that is birthday notifications and the 200 pictures of your cousin’s baby bump that all look almost friends identical. (We get it! You’re pregnant! We’re excited for you! Quit it already!)
Now you’re just sitting there staring at the screen.
“What does this even mean?”
A few days later you notice, by mere coincidence, (Of course, you weren’t stalking his page or anything, right!) that he’s not only unfriended you, but he’s blocked you!
“Seriously, what does this even mean?”
What Is Your Ex Boyfriend’ Side of The Story For Why He Blocked You on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram or whatever Social Media Account You Both Use?
This falls along the same lines as the drunk text. So, as he was scrolling down his feed he saw your picture. It was in all likeliness an impulse. You two were together and he probably liked a LOT of your pictures during that time.
Men assume everything means way more to us than it might. So assuming you will read into it, he did the only thing he knows will keep him from doing it again.
Remember, in these early days of the breakup, your ex boyfriend is a man of two minds. Part of him wants to push you away. Another part of him wants you, cares deeply for you, and is seriously questioning why he was so foolish.
Well, these two minds of your ex bf will often collide and so as a result of the fallout, things like this will happen.
So by his actions, your ex can shoot down any of your hope instantly by blocking you. But don’t take it necessarily as a personal attack. It could be your ex boyfriend just doesn’t have the will power to resist reaching out to you in some way. But another part of him knows he needs to create some space to allow for some healing.
Now what you read into all this, just remind yourself that when your ex boyfriend decides to block you, he decision is often not entered into with a great deal of thought. It is often impulsive. So don’t put too much stock into it.
No matter what your ex does now, he’s sure to feel guilty or fear being attacked about it later. So don’t get hung up on it.
How Do You Deal With His Blocking You of Social Media Access To Him
Girl, come on.
It’s just a picture or a post online.
It’s not like he sent a gold crested eagle (Do those even exist? I think I made that up) delivering a message telling you he’s happy you had a good time last weekend.
He literally clicked one button out of habit.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch so say I!
Remember, your focus is to work on your own self recovery, not dwell on petty things he may end up doing.
Sign #3: Is Your Ex Boyfriend Showing a Double Standard When It Comes To Dating?
He started seeing someone right out of the gate. It took you a little longer to get your footing, so-to-speak. Now you’ve started talking to someone new.
You and your new guy see your ex at a party. He is casting glares and throwing a tantrum like it’s a personal affront to his very existence that you’d even consider moving on. Well, it looks like your little jealousy ploy (if that is what it is) is working.
Clearly he wants you back. Right? Why else wouldn’t he want you to move on?
Maybe you are WRONG!!
Your Ex Boyfriend’s Way of Reacting To You Dating
Your break up was inevitable. If he was dating someone new so soon, he was already scouting talent before he ever even considered breaking up with you.
But now, he sees you with guy number two and he finds himself having competitive thoughts.
“I’m taller than he is.”
“Does he have better calves than me?”
And yes he’s definitely thinking
“I bet I’m bigger.”
It’s not that he wants you to be his again. He just feels a little replaced. That’s okay. He was.
Everyone wants to feel special, and right now he’s just baffled that you could move on after him at all.
Is he not all that is man?
Now, I confess that sometimes his reaction could be one that is born out from a jealousy that traces back to him still having feelings for you. It could turn out after all that your e boyfriend really does do care.
*Cue beating on chest and territorial tribal dance*
How to Deal With an Ex Boyfriend who Melts Down for Perhaps Caring Too Much?
There’s nothing to deal with. He’s looking to get a response from you, some reassurance. In my opinion, he’s not necessarily deserving of it.
Dang it, now I’m going to be singing Sarah Bareilles’ “Love Song” for the rest of the day.
But it’s like she says, you should have to tell someone you love them just to make them feel better.
Imagine how your date, who actually likes you and chose to come to the party with you, will feel when you are suddenly trying to downplay your relationship to make your ex who was a butt head feel better. Isn’t that a little backwards?
But don’t go to the other extreme either. Don’t try to play up your relationship with your date to make your ex feel worse. Yes, we get it.
He was a jerk, but your new date doesn’t deserve to be a pawn either. If you can’t enjoy your date without reacting to your ex’s presence, perhaps you should relocate to an area away from him or perhaps simply suggest that you and your date go elsewhere, so you can actually enjoy your evening together.
Sign #4: How Can An Ex Who Still Has Feelings For You – Completely Ignore You?
He completely cut you out after you split. He doesn’t respond to texts, phone calls, or anything. It’s like he disappeared of the face of the planet.
Didn’t the connection you forged mean anything at all? Did you just waste the last 3,4 5 months or years of your life?
All these things and more fly through your mind as you try to process what his big silent treatment really means. It is natural to draw upon your worst fears when all communications with your ex boyfriend go right into the toilet.
If you are having them, it might resemble a train wreck as more conflict arises. If your ex has not said or whispered a word to you will often take on all kinds of different meanings as you reflect on what has transpired.
Your Ex Boyfriend’ Side of the Story Is…
It’s easier for him to get over the relationship without you around, so he thinks. Hence, he might delude himself for awhile that you mean nothing to him.
But let me tell you, it’s not easy to simply shut down a relationship after you have been together for years. Years of your ex bf caring about you with the two of you doing all kinds of things together. Well, over time, that creates some traction within the relationship and its not an easy thing to extinguish.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. It is almost just as difficult to cut someone out of your life as it is to be cut out.
How to Deal With An Ex Boyfriend Who Shuts Down All Communications With You?
Take it as a sign that he, like you, is going through his own process of recovery. He may feel he has little choice but stay away from you as that is what he may have been taught to do. He might be over at my other website (that assists men in breakups) and is trying to put some space between you and he.
So don’t take your ex’s choice to cut you out of his daily communications as a bad thing.
And even if this is a true sign of what your ex is thinking then accept that reality and just know that perhaps one day the two of you will be in each other’s orbit again, but for now, take the space to let yourself get over it.
Step #5: Is Your Ex Trying His Best to Make You Jealous?
He dumped you, and now he’s acting like he was wronged, parading his exploits around in front of you.
“Is he really so heartless? Did I do something to deserve being treated this way?”
You think to yourself. … He can’t believe in me any more. Should I ever believe that my ex boyfriend even once cared about me because how can a person do such a thing to one they love?
Your Man’s Side of the Story
There are lots of way this could be going down. Your ex boyfriend might still have feelings for you and figures he is going to play the jealousy card to get in your head, make you come running.
Yeah. Guys can be stupid.
That tactic more often makes his girlfriend even angrier as it can send her the opposite sign of what he intended. She may come to believe that her ex boyfriend has fallen in love with another girl and is having sex with her and now everything has gotten much worse and is lost.
The ex could also be thinking….
“Man, I’ve been with the same woman for a long time and I’m just glad to know that other women still exist and are interested in me!”
Seriously though, even if he dumped you, it still hurts and no matter how positive you are about reading into his moves, jealousy can have some explosive blow back.
He’s numbing the pain with one of the three things that preside over anything else for a man, Sex. (The other two are food and survival.)
How to Deal With An Ex Bf Who is Hooking Up With a New Girl
Okay, here’s what you’re going to do.
Be happy for him. He’s found a way to satiate the pain of the split.
OK. I realize that approach is going to work with only a small percentage of you ladies out there. In reading the signs, be sure you don’t panic and read in more than what is actually happening. It’s true, men will date other girls to show you that he is still attractive and to get your attention.
It’s not always because he doesn’t want you anymore or is sick of you. Just take this development with the realization that sometimes your ex boyfriend has to learn his lessons the hard way. This could be a rebound relationship and that signs may be pointing at a time in the near future where he will realize that you and he were a much better fit than he ever realized.
That is a possibility. Not a certainty. But you need to give the process time to play out and time for you to work on your on attraction building tactics.
It may be a bone headed way to go about showing you he still likes you, but hey, at least he’s not doing anything too crazy, like quitting his job and going to live among the tribes in Africa.
Sign #6: Is Your Ex Boyfriend Starting To Be a Compete Jerk to You
You two run in the same circles. You actually see each other quite a bit, except something has changed. Not just that you two aren’t a couple any more. He’s different.
He’s cold and mean. He throws shade at you every chance he gets. He even calls you names, not just to you but to his friends.
Even after you two split up, you’ve been completely civil and nice to him. What could have prompted this kind of treatment?
Your Ex’s Reasoning For Why He Can’t Behave Himself
He probably doesn’t even realize he’s doing this. It’s part of that territorial thing we were talking about before. It’s like having a hair hanging down tickling your arm that you can’t quite see, except YOU are the irritant.
His happy little circle hasn’t changed at all other than you are no longer a comfort you are a reminder that he feels guilty or hurt. His angry little jabs are his way of swiping at the hair trying to remove it.
His brain recognizes you as what is keeping him from being happy. In his mind, he wants you, but can’t have you. In his mind, he is still sore about how it went down
Your ex boyfriend is probably confused about how thing got to where they are now and how to show you properly that he still cares for you deeply. Your ex may still be battling from within what to do and is incredibly frustrated, so he does the easy thing.
Your ex boyfriend pitches a fit. He acts the bad boy. He pushes you away, when he really intends to pull you close.
Now, it is also possible that he is acting the jerk, because he is one and he is not worth it. But you would know if this behavior is a normal reflection of how he behaves and if its not, then it’s a sign he has unresolved feelings for you.
So How Do You Deal With a Bad Boy Ex?
Ignore it if you can and address it if you must.
If you ignore it and remain in his environment, you will find that you will reestablish yourself as a new type of comfortable as opposed to the relationship kind of comfortable.
It will also play into creating more value. In time, his true demeanor and feelings for you will be revealed. I don’t know why some guys confusing their loving feelings with their angry feelings.
It happens. I guess it is a form of what I would call emotional dissonance. This is when your ex boyfriend is holding on to two oppossing feelings. In once case, he is still mad at you and is reading to give up on the relationship. In the other case, he cares a lot about you and wants you back in his life. He finds himself wrestling between the two, not knowing how to deal with these two conflicting notions.
He’ll just get over it and settle in over time.
If you must address it because it is getting out of hand then consider this:
Simply ask him to talk and point out that he’s been kind of rude to you since your split and you’d appreciate it if he’d dial it back a notch. He doesn’t have to be nice, he just doesn’t need to be so aggressive.
Sign #7: Your Ex Boyfriend Is The First To Jump Head First into a New Relationship
You’ve only been broken up for what feels like five minutes and he’s already got some new girl on his arm. I cannot even begin to explain to you how easy it is to understand what you’re going through.
How on earth could this be a positive sign that he wants you back? Sure doesn’t seem that way. Looks like he wants nothing to do with you, so you might think
Oh wait, yes I can identify with you.
I just got through dealing with this and it SUCKS!
Right now, all you want to know is how this reflects on you. What about you made him dive into another girl’s… arms so quickly? What’s wrong with you? These are the kind of internal thoughts that might be running through your mind.
My quick advice. Cast them out. Ain’t nothing wrong with you. It’s him. And it’s probably your ex boyfriend’s lousy way of trying to get under your skin because he is too afraid to admit to himself and you that he still cares for you and can’t get you out of his mind. So he tries to wash out of his head by jumping into this rebound relationship.
Your Ex Boyfriend’s Side of the Sad Tale
He saw something he wanted and went after it.
Well, that is what he is telling his friends. It could be true. But you know what else could be true about this latest move by your ex boyfriend? It could be that he is so desperate and starved for attention and someone to help him feel more like a man, that he jumps at the first opportunity.
That could be it as well. It could be a lot of things.
That’s what dating is about. It partly to figure out what we really want!
Yeah sure he could have waited a week or two, but let’s face it, it would have hurt just as much.
How to Deal With This Stupid Boyfriend Of Yours When He Jumps at the First Girl He Sees!
The thing is, he didn’t take your feelings into consideration.
Why? Opportunity cost.
Had he waited just to keep you from hurting, then he may have missed his opportunity.
So in a way he is acting out of impulse. Your ex bf is acting out of immaturity.
Yeah this makes him a jerk.
He may not have intended to hurt you, but I realize that that is EXACTLY what he did. How do you get over something like that?
Take solace in the fact that you now know how big of a jerk he can be, and that you are no longer with a guy like that right now. Allow time and your action plan to take shape and soon you will know if he has given up on you completely or if he is using this rebound as a way to sooth his pain or ego or loneliness.
Sign #8: Staying Friends (Hoping for Benefits)
You go out with a group of friends. He’s there.
But somehow, almost like magic, things aren’t weird. Somehow things feel just like they used to. You reach out and touch his arm, you laugh. He puts his arm around you as you scoot closer.
You decide to leave the party together. It wasn’t really discussed. It just kind of happened.
And then again a few weeks later.
And then again.
The two of you agreed to stay friends, but somehow you keep finding yourselves in each other’s beds. You don’t mean to. It just keeps happening.
Could he be considering getting back together?
Certainly he has to care for you because why else take it so far? But its unclear what is really going down, isn’t it.
I mean you don’t really do anything other than sleep together that makes you think this. You really are friends; you just happen to be knocking boots.
You can’t help but hope that maybe things will come back together.
His Side of the Friends With Benefits Situation
Dude, I have this great deal with my ex. We aren’t dating anymore, but we still hookup when we’re together. Which is nice because I don’t’ have to train anyone new to do that thing I like just yet.
Could this be the way he is thinking? Perhaps.
Or it could be that relationship coming back together do so in fits and starts and so he is like you in many ways, trying to figure out what it all means.
Your Way of Processing It
I realize that you are probably hoping that this will lead to something more, like a rekindling of love lost.
Things don’t often work out that way.
I can tell you though that if it has gotten this far, then signs of the connection between the two of you are undeniable and hence, eventually you will need to sort out what you want from each other.
Frankly, a friends with benefits situation, in my view, is not sustainable and can potentially lead to a worsening of the relationship as time goes by. It really depends on the people and other circumstances.
My long term suggestion: cut out the sex and find someone who’ll date you AND sleep with you.
Get you a man that can do both!
Sign #9: Your Ex Boyfriend Keeps Contacting You After You Asked for Space
You are trying your best to move on. Heck maybe you read “How to Get Over an Ex When You’re Still in Love With Him” and you have asked him to give you some space.
Good for you!
That is a tough call to make and I am proud of you for making it.
But let’s say you are not there yet. Let assume you are still parsing through all the signs of his presumed interest and now he is just texting you even when you told him you need time alone. Why does he do this?
What possesses your ex boyfriend to dutifully keep reaching out to you as if the two of you never even broke up. He calls and asks for favors.
“Could you take Fido out while he’s at work tomorrow?”
His sister can totally do that.
“Could you email him a copy of his resume? He seems to have misplaced it.”
Deleted it after we split. Sorry buddy.
“Hey what is that creamer you always get that he likes?”
Hazelnut, always Hazelnut.
“Where did he leave his sunglasses? He can’t seem to find them. Maybe he left them in your car.”
You dropped them in the lake the week we went to visit your Aunt. C’mon.
He’s being needier than he ever seemed to be when you were together. And you keep fielding these texts as best as you can, though you may not know whether you should completely ignore him.
Or if your luck better favors my own, he keeps reaching out to you right as you start to consider talking to someone new.
How did he know?
I always start to wonder if I need to check my apartment for bugs. He HAS to have some sort of ESP or something. It’s always RIGHT when I start to like a guy.
When I was younger, this would have sent me running back into his arms only to find us splitting up again shortly after.
Now I find that I can look at his reasoning for doing this and not let it screw up whatever possible romance could be budding with the interesting new prospect.
His Side of The Texting Barrage
Just like us women, men tend to go through phases of being fine with the split and missing us. However, while we go through LOOOOONG periods of time right after a split where we miss him like crazy, he’s fine right after the relationship then gets side blinded by the fact that he almost texted you about a show you watched together out of habit. Then suddenly the need to talk to you starts cropping up more and more. Eventually he will give in.
However, as soon as the two of you get comfortable and start talking again. Poof! He realizes he didn’t want the relationship back he just wanted to know you were still there.
That is one scenario.
Another one is he figured out pretty quickly that he screwed up. That you are the catch of his life and that he let emotions cloud his vision. So he figures he will overwhelm you with attention in the form of texts to get you to respond.
Or it could be an impulsive thing such that he can’t help himself, never mind you are not ready yet to even talk about such things. Like an itch that he has to scratch.
Like a child reaching out in his sleep to remind himself that his mother is still there.
How to Deal With It On Your End
I find that their “missing us” phase, lines up with our “over it” phase far too often in my opinion.
I suggest you weigh you’re risk and reward in this situation.
How long did it take you to get to a place where you were almost over it?
Would it behoove you to make friends with your ex or avoid contact with him forever.
Of course, it all depends on your individual circumstance. Just know that frequent repeated texts from your ex boyfriend can mean a lot of things, so be sure to take the time to peel back the layers, over time, to understand the root cause.
I find that in my life it almost always makes sense to be friends with an ex simply because you share a friend-base, but that’s not really the case for everyone, but you should definitely not throw any new relationships to the side simply because he texted.
Frequently Asked Questions About Whether Your Ex Boyfriend Has You On His Mind
FAQ 1: My Ex cheated but now says he wants me back. Does he care about me? The signs are not off the chart?
When someone cheats on us, trust is eroded. If he says he wants everything back that he had with you is a good thing to hear, but just because he says this, doesn’t mean that it will happen. His actions will speak louder. There needs to be a restoration of the trust lost and that will take time. Know that there will likely be periods where his trust in you erodes. You can do things like openly sharing your phone records and checking in with him more frequently over time to earn it back.
FAQ 2: What can you do when you feel your ex boyfriend doesn’t care about you enough?
First you need to get back to basics as to what is really going on between the two of you. Has there been a series of breakdowns and breakups? If so, then you need to focus on creating some value in how he sees you. That won’t happen overnight and it it likely won’t happen if you are still half way in and out of the relationship. Sometimes it pays to pull all the way out, going into a no contact period, then coming back after you have focused on improving yourself and rebuilding your own confidence and value in his eyes.
FAQ 3: My ex boyfriend says he cares for me, but wont be with me or make any effort to give us a chance. How do I change his mind?
Trying to change his mind should not be your focus. Sometimes, the harder you try to make a relationship work, the more difficult it becomes to make that wish a reality. If your lover truly feels connected to you and shows through his actions that he values you, the rest will fall in place. The question is how do you build that kind of value. It’s usually not by pushing your ex boyfriend hard for the very thing you want. His natural impulse may be to resist. Men like the chase. Give him something to be attracted to and do it often and make it fun.
FAQ 4: How can I be sure my ex boyfriend will love me again in the same way he did before? We are back together, but are we doomed? Did my cheating on him ruin us for life?
Certainly, when we are dealing with cheating episodes in a relationship, damage is done and it is not undone in a matter of weeks or months. In my view, the problem is not your ex boyfriend loving you less. Love is not something that waxes and wanes. It is far more complicated and lasting than that. Love between you and your ex does not easily steal away into the night. You are better off at working at restoring trust through trust building exercises, ongoing counseling, and an opening up of your life to show your ex boyfriend you have full transparency.
FAQ 5: I am not sure if my ex wants me back because he doesn’t text me any longer. Can I do something to get his attention?
Yes, you absolutely can do something to improve your ex recovery odds. Just because your ex bf stopped texting you doesn’t mean he stopped caring about you or has given up. That desire to text you comes from the same place that caused him to want to date you in the first place. Your job going forward is to leverage that. And there are a multitude of ways to reignite that spark. My eBooks help people optimize their chances to get noticed and they teach you how you can arouse his interest. But you have to have a plan and you need to be faithful to executing it. And how your individual plan will work will depending on an assortment of factors.
Okay Let’s Wrap Up!
You know what, that’s what you should take away from this I suppose.
I’m going to be straight with you; you’re never going to really know what is going on in your ex’s mind for sure. Even if you flat out asked them, you’ll probably never get the truth, because of pride, or selfishness, confusion, or just plain stupidity.
Relationship truths are not revealed so easily when both parties are still struggling to get in touch with their feelings. You may think you know what you want, but later you may discover that it is not that important any longer whether your ex boyfriend wants you.
You may discover you really don’t want him.
Try Not To Sweat All the Uncertainties of Your Breakup!
As a matter of fact, you’ll never truly know why ANYONE does the things they do. It’s human nature.
So my advice to you, don’t dwell on the things you don’t have control over.
If you’re spending your time over-analyzing every little thing that he does, you’re going to miss the important things going on around you. Don’t miss out on wonderful friends, or good relationships because of a relationship that is already over.
I assure you, most of the time after a relationship, he is doing everything he can’t not to think about you or the relationship. He’ll cut himself off from you and surround himself with women and distractions if that’s the only way he sees. Sure, there are moments when he misses what you had, but those could be just fleeting moments. Or not. He may be one of those guys that has to take the more difficult path to discover you are the one he wants..
It’s up to you whether you want to get over the relationship and move on or try your hand at getting him back.
If you are having to ask if he cares though, then that’s just it, he probably doesn’t, unless you are speaking from a place of insecurity. People show you, not just in tiny gestures, that they care. So if you look and listen carefully, there will be a ton of little signs speak to the truth of your connection.
Even Famous People Struggle With Accepting Truths in Breakups
Would you believe that even Oprah dealt with this exact problem?
Many, many years ago, she was discussing a lost relationship with Dr. Maya Anjelou. She spoke about waiting for that phone call that never came. “When a person says to you, ‘I’m selfish,’ or ‘I’m mean’ or ‘I am unkind,’ believe them,” She said. “They know themselves much better than you do.”
She eluded to how this man had let her down, and the pain that she was going through. Dr. Anjelou replied to this by asking, “Why are you blaming the other person? He showed you who he was.”
“When you look back on bad relationships… For myself, [it was] sitting in a window waiting for him to show up, not even getting on the phone because I was afraid that if it was busy for one second that he would call and I would miss the call, not taking out the garbage on the weekends because I might be out the moment that he called, not running the bath water because he might call while I’m running the bath water…When you look at that process of waiting on somebody who has told you they were… going to be there for you and they were not, they are showing you in that moment exactly who they are.”
So when you look back at your break up and you think of anything he’s done that is outright vicious or mean, know that, yes, he was probably just doing that to push you away, but there are many other ways to go about that.
Believe it or not, his actions reflect upon his very character. He’s showing you who he is.
I know it’s tempting to make excuses for him.
“He’s just trying to save me from even more heartache.”
But that’s like cutting off your hand to save yourself the pain of a papercut.
The papercut will heal in time, just like you will eventually get over a break up.
But by pushing you away in a harsh manner, saying horrible things or doing things that will deliberately hurt you, well that’s really a much deeper cut that will take much longer, if ever, to heal.
So I implore you not to delude the situation in front of you. If you had a daughter and she was in any of these situations, what would you tell her?