For the next few minutes, just follow along with me here and imagine that you were in a situation where your ex boyfriend tells you that he hates and despises you.
Got it?
Good!
Oh but before I really dive in I have a bit of a favor to ask, if you have ever had an experience with an angry and agitated ex boyfriend such as what we will talk about here, by all means weigh in.
Tell me about your breakup situation and what happened.
Use the Comment Section below.
Me and my team will offer our input and support because we know how badly it can make you feel if your ex boyfriend says he hates and despises you.
In fact, it is an awful position to be in when you are on the receiving end of criticism from the guy you love.
You don’t know whether you should try and defend yourself and fight back or just lay low.
Sometimes, because of the heat of the battle, whatever you do when your ex boyfriend is on a rampage just isn’t going to turn out well.
But help is on its way. Lend me you ear!
(That’s a picture of me by the way in case you were wondering.)
Ok…
Ok…
You just want me to cut right to the chase.
So let’s say you wake up in the morning feeling alone with a heart sick feeling deep in your chest.
You are not the kind of girl who would ever think that their boyfriend would end up having hateful and resentful feelings toward you. You have been sweet and caring. The relationship, though only about a year old, has been fulfilling.
It never even entered your mind that what the two of you had together would come apart at the seams. You never imagined that you ex boyfriend would become so angry at you. That is why it was shocking when he told you that he never wanted to see or hear from you again. It was like a bad dream as you experience the relationship just break apart.
This is not happening to me…
You think to yourself.
But it did.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWhat is a girl to do when she thinks she has met her Prince Charming, but now he has nothing but hatred and disdain in his every expression?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHow Does a Relationship Fall Apart?
Breakups typically will end with a good bit of discord. Emotions running rampant usually are to blame for much of the damage. It is rare that a boyfriend and girlfriend will just amiably part ways, wishing each other the best.
But when your guy launches into a tirade of angry barbs and accusations, declaring you as the worst girl he has ever laid eyes on, that can really be painful. Then when your boyfriend tells you he wants you “out of his life“, that is getting pretty bad.
That kind of talk is crushing to the spirit.
Being on the receiving end of an abusive tirade is pretty rough on the “relationship ego,” if you know what I mean.
So let’s say things have gotten a little crazy lately.
With all that has happened, you are convinced that your ex boyfriend must hate you.
He has conveyed this to you countless times over the last few days.
He called you a couple times and left you messages filled with sarcasm.
You knew he could get angry with how things came down, but you never realized he would become so demonstrably ugly and hateful in his outbursts.
The few text messages you have gotten over the past week from your ex boyfriend have all pretty much communicated the same thing.
Your ex is telling things like,
“I can’t even stand thinking about you”.
“You are nothing to me now”.
“I hope you are suffering as much as I am“.
So why is your ex behaving like this?
Why does he seem to have so much hate in his heart?
And what on earth could you have have done to strike such a nasty and spiteful reaction from your ex bf?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWhy is Your Ex Boyfriend Being Such a Monster?
All these ugly things that your ex may be saying about you can be a blow to your self esteem.
It can cause you to question why you even got mixed up with him in the first place. It occurs to you that if he has so little regard for your feelings and is compelled to say the most monstrous things about you, maybe the whole relationship was a big mistake.
If I was to ever construct a list of the most mean spirited and vicious replies from an ex boyfriend, your guy with all of his venom would be among the top. It is as if your ex has assembled all of his angst, anger, resentment, and hostility into a big hate bomb and decided to drop it on you.
Of course, that can be a problem when ugly fights and breakups occur. Some guys become blind to the complexities of a mature relationship. Some may even think, you alone, are the cause of all his troubles, failing to recognize his own shortcomings.
We all know that breakups are rarely the fault of only one person or even one thing.
Yet, in this time and place, as you feel blown away by your ex boyfriend’s provocative outburst, you begin to wonder what on earth you may have done to justify such hatred.
You know deep inside your heart that he can’t really hate you like he says. Yet, it is hard to look past the litany of angry and ugly words he keeps casting your way. While your rationale mind knows he is trying to provoke you…get you to react to his absurd accusations, it still hurts a lot when your ex boyfriend seems to have nothing but contempt for you.
“Didn’t any of the good times we had together, count for something“, you ask yourself? Well, apparently not in your ex’s mind because his vicious attacks came pretty fast and furious after the breakup.
Ironically you were not even looking for the relationship to suddenly come to an end. It certainly was not something either of you had planned or foreseen.
Things in the relationship were moving along quite well.
Communications were pretty good.
The sex was good.
The fights that happened earlier, with a bit too much regularity, had subsided.
Conflict seldom got way out of hand and when the relationship pressure cooker sometimes turned too hot, you both did a decent job of cooling down and making up.
Your philosophy was “make up quickly and make out for a long time.”
Yet here you are, wondering how it all unraveled so quickly.
Now you are on the receiving end of his wrath and you want it to stop.
Breaking It All Down
He was your first really serious boyfriend and you were the first girl for which he had declared his love.
So in many ways, it was young love at the beginning. But after a year of dating, you believed a real attachment was forming.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizBut seemingly, out of nowhere, the end with your ex boyfriend just took on a life of its own.
Of course, in hindsight, you now regret telling your ex that you had a “little bit of a thing” with a former flame.
Looking back, that was the trigger. You think to yourself, it really wasn’t anything and should have never posed an emotional threat to your boyfriend. There was no sex involved. You only agreed to meet him at a park when you learned he was in town. The two of you did take a long walk to relive some of your shared past. But nothing really happened.
Of course, your boyfriend saw things completely differently and imposed his on spin on what “really happened”.
But nothing happened you keep telling yourself. Nevertheless, despite all your assurances that you were “his” and that you never entertained anything remotely “sexual” with your old ex boyfriend, he was not to be convinced.
It was stupid of you, looking back, to think that he would understand.
You had thought, “honesty was the best policy”.
So when he had simply asked you what your day was like, you told him the straight truth. Looking back, that is when your ex boyfriend’s anger fuse was lit. Hearing about you and some other guy walking around and reliving the good old days, was just too much for him to process.
Your guy had demonstrated before he was the jealous type. In fact, you had used a little jealousy on him before to arouse him. But you just didn’t properly weigh his potential to overreact to you simply connecting with an old friend.
That is when he unleashed all of his anger and vile, hateful accusations. You had never cheated on him and genuinely was committed to the relationship. But he was never very good at reading your mind. And in this case, his mind was racing with all kinds of nonsense.
You knew deep inside, he might be a little upset, but you didn’t want your relationship predicated on deceit. But you miscalculated his reaction. When your ex boyfriend started to unleash his spiteful claims about your lack of integrity and trustworthiness and outright accused you of “messing around“, you knew things were far out of hand. You pretty much zoned out when he started throwing around words like, “slut” and “tramp”.
It was those words, that you had never heard him utter, that made you aware that you ex bf was way out of control and the anger had taken over his better judgement.
Do You Wish You Could Turn Back The Clock With Your Ex Boyfriend
Now, of course, you wished you could turn back the clock.
While a good part of you was furious at him for his outlandish statements and behavior, another part of you really wanted him back. The breakup was kinda of mutual, though your ex boyfriend was the catalyst to it all. You were just being “you” and nothing about your behavior or intentions was wrong. That was clear in your mind. But of course, you ex bf saw none of that and in your view had a contorted sense of reality.
There really was nothing else you could say to him to explain things better. You had tried to reinforce, many times, that the little rendezvous you had with your old flame was nothing more than just being socially friendly.
You thought, “How much more frustrating can a breakup be if I did nothing wrong?”
Your current ex boyfriend was a great guy. But now everything was fouled up. And you didn’t know where to turn to get the relationship back on track. Your ex’s wild outburst upon learning of your excursion with another ex, had convinced you that he may have really meant it when he told you that he “never wanted to lay eyes on you again“.
So here you find yourself again, lying in bed, with your heart starting to race and pound in your chest with another one of those mini panic attacks. You think to yourself, “He may actually mean it this time. It may all be over. I may never see him again.” You start feeling sad again when you reflect on those many good times you had with your lover.
So, you ask yourself for the hundredth time, “Is it really over. Could he possibly no longer be in love with me”?
You reflect, “Could it it be over just because of an utterly, stupid misunderstanding”?
These were the questions my client asked me as she mulled over what she could do and whether the relationship with her ex was doomed forever.
Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Really Hate and Despise You.
As it turned out, my client was pretty motivated to get back on speaking terms.
She desperately wanted to know what on earth she could do to turn the whole thing around? She wanted to know, “How can you get my ex bf to stop thinking about me in such a hateful way?
She wanted to explore, “What can be done to make him see me again as the girl he truly loves and adores“?
Here is the good news.
It turns out, when we are dealing with the psychologically behind the feelings of hate and love, the two are not that far apart.
Think of a coin. Hate is one side. Love is on the opposite side. These two forces are diametrically opposed to each other. The feelings and forces behind these two emotions could not be more different. It seems there exists a great gulf between a boyfriend exhibiting hate for you versus him showing that he loves you.
But you might be surprised that it sometimes doesn’t take much to flip those feelings, particularly if you have a previous connection with each. If your background with each other has been relatively positive, then love will eventually win out over hate. If you have shared many loving and fulfilling experiences together as a couple, then your opportunity to flip anger and hateful feelings back over to love is high.
Think of hate as a temporary emotion.
It’s life span is usually not very long. Of course, the hate or anger that an ex boyfriend can feel toward his former girlfriend can be powerful. It can burn bright. But like a shooting star, hateful feelings and mean thoughts almost always phase out.
With time, the ugly nature that can rise up out of us can dissipate, particular if we are already invested in the person through common and meaningful experiences.
On the other hand, love is an enduring feeling. It has a spiritual, emotional, and biological connection. It is driven by positive experiences and attachment. Love arises from the many things you do well together as a couple. Love is uplifted by the natural chemicals released in your brain when you are in each other’s presence and when you hug each other or make love with each other.
So of the two sides of the coin, love more frequently trumps the darker side of our being. Flip the coin multiple times, it will more often land on love.
That is the way of love and hate and relationships.
So the dilemma for this young woman of my story above is to learn how to help her ex boyfriend most flip his coin such that it lands on love. Or in this case, a return to the loving bond which use to exist between the couple before they parted.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHow Can You Change Your Ex Boyfriends Attitude About You
The story I shared was taken from a woman (Amy) who reached out to me a few days ago. She was still smarting from her sudden and disastrous breakup with her boyfriend. When we first began talking about her situation, I explained to her that it could take some time to help her ex boyfriend flip over from the hateful feelings he was expressing, to a place where his feelings morphed back to where they use to be.
I explained to her she is not the first client to come to me with such a story. I told her there are many types of breakups and in many of them, the emergence of anger and resentment is not unusual. While her situation involved a very upset, almost out of control boyfriend who seemed unaccustomed to dealing with complex social relationship experiences, I was optimistic.
I reinforced that there was indeed hope because based on her description, their relationship up to the point of the breakup was relatively successful. It seemed to me that her ex bf was emotionally charged for a reason. Whether it was due to a form of attachment insecurity or an excessive control issue, he seemed to go way overboard with his reaction.
But this is the way of emotions, right? When emotions run high, all semblance of good reason seems to just vanish. Knowing this, will help you. I will talk about this more in a minute.
You see, when an ex boyfriend takes a plunge into the deep end of the cease pool of, “let’s see how much I can make my ex girlfriend suffer and agonize over her transgressions,“, then you know you have struck a raw nerve. While it may sound a little crazy to you, just know when your boyfriend overreacts with such passion, the positive thing you can derive from his reaction is that he deeply cares about you, otherwise he would not have such an adverse reaction.
You won’t feel outraged about something, unless you are deeply invested. Now I don’t recommend you rush out there and do something to really piss off your lover in order to gauge if they care enough about you to go bat sh@t crazy!
But trust me, if your boyfriend really cares for you deeply, he will on occasion go a little mad. Jealousy can bring that out. And that seemed to be at play to some degree with Amy’s situation.
The most important thing you can do is give him space and time. Those two things, which we will talk about later, can have a powerful effect on his psyche.
The Dynamics of Love & Hate
Let’s call it the Love/Hate Principle. It usually applies in situations in which there is another “perceived” challenge or rival to your boyfriend’s love and affections.
If your ex responds to your reaction to another’s perceived rival’s affection by expressing outrage and is beside himself with anger, to the extent that his behavior is awful and ugly, then you can be assured he must really, really feel close to you. Otherwise, his reaction would be more tempered.
So never give up hope if you feel the sting of anger and mean spiritedness.
Remember, he does not really hate you. The things he is saying comes from a place of anger.
If you carefully play your cards, you can facilitate the process of your lover learning just how “stupid” he is behaving. This is where my principle of “less is more” pays dividends. The less you do or say or do things to provoke him, the more you deposit into his bank of trust.
Don’t go running back, asking for forgiveness. Your likely to get another dose of his wrath. Don’t answer his ugly behavior with your own unpleasant counter attack.
In Amy’s case, it was a one time social outing she had with an old ex flame. These kind of situations are not that rare. There have been other cases I have dealt with involving equally chaotic relationship breakdowns.
There was the girl who needed advice on how to deal with a overly sensitive boyfriend who got himself all riled up when she flirted with a few too many guys. It was nothing really, but his insecurity led to some fretful days for her. She admitted she angry at him and struck back by flirting even more.
Predictably, their relationship unraveled as the tempers flared one too many times.
There was also a case I worked on the other day in which a young woman who emailed me with a frantic and shocking story of her ex bf going bananas over her wanting to hold off on sex. Her upbringing led her to embrace an old fashioned approach to premarital sex and so she simply wanted to wait for marriage.
But her insensitive boyfriend kind of freaked. He turned out be loaded with what I call the Jerk Complex. At least as it applied to this situation. And being independent minded, she gave him an ultimatum (usually not a smart thing to do) about ending the relationship. So he did by telling her that her attitude was a “relationship breaker”.
Using Time and No Contact To Your Advantage
Don’t we say the most stupid of things when were are upset?
But what I tell my clients is that it is not so much the words that matter, but actions and intentions.
There was something all of these ladies shared in common, including Amy, namely they all enjoyed a relatively solid relationship history with their boyfriends. None of them had been rocked by an on and off again pattern of breakups. Rather, the women were well adjusted and pragmatic about their life and their futures. None of them were begging and crying for a way to fix the relationship with their ex. And in each of these cases, the men in question seemed to be behaving outside of their normal history. It was as if certain events and circumstances aligned just right to cause them to melt down.
In no way am I excusing their behavior.
And nor should their girlfriends. I told each of my clients that if the relationship recovers, as I expect it would, there would be a need for some go backs. Meaning, the couple would need to sit down and understand exactly what happened, why it happened, and how to prevent that kind of behavior from occurring again.
So the question I had for all of these ladies was whether they were prepared to adopt the No Contact Rule. I explained how it worked to each of them in great detail and emphasized that the odds were in their favor given their history and how the breakups unfolded.
I suggested they adopt a 21 day No Contact Period. They could modify the period if their ex boyfriend demonstrated genuine remorse for their overreaction to the situation. And I went over all of the exceptions and advantages and disadvantages of not completing the entire no contact period.
I explained that by giving each other space, not only will time away from communicating and seeing each other foster the necessary healing, but it would also serve as a catalyst to their ex, helping him realize he is missing out on being with the one he truly loves.
One thing most women, who are bouncing off a recent breakup, badly need is time to clear their own thoughts and get more in touch with their feelings. But in these particular situations, the guys probably need it even more. They need time alone to calm down and eventually realize the foolishness of their behavior.
It may go against everything you are feeling, but time away from your partner in love will be beneficial. For your boyfriend to flip from saying he hates and despises you to reach a place where he realizes he has allowed his emotions to run away is not going to happen overnight.
Making Sure Your Ex Sees You as a Real Catch!
Flipping your ex is also about using the Principle of Projection that I talk about here on my website.
While you are carrying out the No Contact Rule, you want to exhibit the kind of attitude that you “have it all together“, even if you don’t quite feel that way. Mind you, I want you to work on become a better version of “you” and to do that you need to focus on improving your emotional and spiritual health.
Get out and engage in life, meeting new friends and traveling to new places. You want to project the image of someone who is beautiful, emotionally well adjusted, and thrilled to be enjoying life. The best way to do that, is to become that person.
Project a winning and positive image. Become the Ungettable Girl.
And while doing all these things and more, be aware that your ex will likely take notice. You can always do a few things to ensure that he notices.
The personal power in the post breakup period will switch to you. Your ex will be reminded of how important you are to his world.
Sometimes we miss things more, when it is taken away. That is the position you want your ex to be in. You don’t want him just missing you, but also realizing that there is a kind of a “New You” out there and this “New You” doesn’t seem to need him.
That is what you are projecting and that is going to help him flip back to you.
It is uncanny how often an ex can re-gear his whole attitude about how he thinks of you, if only you create some space and project independence, energy and success.
Lynette Hauser
October 11, 2024 at 9:57 pm
Me and my ex were together for 1yr and half, he’s Really and insecure since he had a messy breakup from his ex wife. I always tried to be open with him and show him that I was nothing like his ex wife, but nothing seemed to work at first he always accused me of cheating when I would talk to my guys friends, so I blocked all them to show his they don’t matter to me that he matters to me. He wanted me to download a app on my phone so he could keep tabs on me and see who I was talking to and what I was doing. I did it for him so he knew he had nothing to worry about. I got pregnant and had a miscarriage and he called me a lier and didn’t believe and still doesn’t. I’ve already mourned and moved past it. He told me today that it doesn’t fix anything that he hates me and despises me and I truly don’t know how to fix this or if it can be fixed. I feel lost without him.
Rachel
June 23, 2024 at 12:09 am
After reconciling one of many times with my ex boyfriend of over a year I crossed the line once again. I said unforgivable things about his stillborn child and now he hates me. I can’t blame him but I pray he can forgive me some day and flip his coin back to love. We’ve all said things out of anger but that doesn’t chose my reaction. Yes, I’ve apologized but it’s no good.
Tracy
December 4, 2022 at 10:40 am
Me and my ex were together for 7 months, we were eachothers first love. He broke up with me a month ago, and one day I hooked up with his close friend. He asked me if I did it or not, and I told him countless times I didn’t and lied to him. He found out yesterday about what happened and told me he never wants to speak to me again and called me many names. What should I do to get him back?
Coach Shaunna Nicol
February 24, 2023 at 11:48 am
Hi Tracy, you need to allow him time to process what has happened. Understand that for him you crossed a line that is going to be upsetting to him as he had feelings for you but also has been hurt by his close friend. Follow the no contact rule and do not hook up with anyone who is close to him going forward if you want this guy back.
Lola
March 18, 2022 at 6:25 am
I was with my ex boyfriend for 4 years. We have 3 children together aged 2, 1 and a couple months old. We haven’t been together in 3 months. I’m really glad our relationship ended because of how immature and unhealthy it was. I have hope of attracting a new found relationship with him in time. I truly love him, respect him and value him. I have grown so much in our times together and apart. He has never seen anything on his end to change. He says he despises me and says hateful things to me. I have forgiving him, but he is struggling to forgive me and is angry and resentful. He goes through seasonal depression but I don’t think he’s aware that he’s depressed and his Dad passed away last October. I have evolved throughout these 2 years and have became the best version of myself, even more so now that I have control over my emotions and know my worth. He hasn’t done any self care or any self improvement. He is the baby boy of the family of 6 older siblings. They have always done everything for him like his life revolves around everyone. We have been co-parenting since December. Then last week, he got upset in front of our children. I communicated to him that I needed us in anger management. He agreed and we went to our session and the counselor wanted us to do separate to help him through unresolved anger and his grief. I feel like him going to the counseling was his action to provide me with what I needed. I don’t think no man would go to counseling for someone he didn’t love and not for a relationship he didn’t care about. But same time I feel like he’s just going for the kids? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know what to do at this point.
Polly
October 17, 2021 at 2:47 pm
One year ago, I started going out with a guy I knew professionally, but because of covid restrictions, it wasn’t a conventional relationship (lockdowns meant we spent a lot of time apart). In the beginning, I was like ‘wow, he has a sense of humour!’ because he’s always really serious and seems angry, I enjoyed doing fun stuff with him, we got on really well. I thought. Well now lockdowns are over and I started seeing more of him, I realised that though he can be funny, he spends most of his day angry about work issues, is a workaholic, is constantly interrupting me, and I can only connect with him on his stuff. Also, I was never that into him physically. I also realised he has a habit of saying things and then finishes by saying “Am I right?” He wants validation all the time. He buys me expensive gifts I don’t want and never asked for, it’s embarrassing. He’s also a heavy smoker who decided to stop (for me, apparently, though I’d never asked him to stop) but when he got annoyed with me about something, the first thing he did was start up again. I’ve tried talking to him, when he interrupts I smile and make it into a joke, I’ve written him a carefully worded letter about the way I feel, but he’s always just ignored me. Finally I finished it today, I’m exhausted, and I’ve become public enemy no.1.
MA
October 3, 2021 at 5:57 pm
Hi. I divorced mybex husband after a year of chemo for breast cancer. We had a good basist for relationship but fights started as i got my diagnosis and he pushed me to incest a lot of money for an apt while i had operation chemo and radiații and afterwards when i was feeling horrible. I was with someone 3 mths after divorce for a short while. I was depressed and desperate and i was still under side effects of chemo, which made me do stupid things incl sendong him an email about this and that i need help from him. I tried to get back together after 6 months of breaking up- he blocked me said we d never be together and i haven t heared from him- he thinks i chester from during the marriage which is not true. I did no contact for 30 days afterwards of seems IT doesn t work. Is there still a possibility to get back ?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 7, 2021 at 9:05 pm
Hi MA, so it takes more than just NC to get an ex back it includes working on yourself in that time, reading articles here and watching the videos on YouTube is going to help you understand this.
Corina campbell
September 22, 2021 at 1:37 pm
Hello, Im corina im just dealing with what might be this situation… I dont know though. so the story is he tried to call me alittle less than 2 weeks ago i didnt get it because it was on messenger but i wasn’t active so i didnt know he had called me 2 times and then He texted aswell 2 times but after that nothing.. And then his cousin told me that everytime his mama says my name he walks away and he never replies to me either no more. So im so lost and i truly love him so its painful i did nothing wrong it was a problem and drama between his family and mine me and his family are very close still but he i think hates me Help me please?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 23, 2021 at 5:28 pm
Hi Corina, it sounds as if your ex needs some time away from you along with contact. I would suggest that right now you need to follow a No Contact, you would also need to stop talking to your friends and his friends about him. Give the appearance that you are moving on with your life. This article may also be useful to you…
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-to-do-when-he-says-he-needs-space/
Nova
May 8, 2021 at 1:18 pm
After he left me cuz of circumstances we both can’t control and him contacting me saying he’s feeling lonely and he misses my company but the time is wrong and we should be friends and i refused everytime ,,, after our last convo and saying goodbye peacefully and smiling from my side and him being kinda bitter from his .. he contacted me out of no where with a list of my flaws ( not even flaws ,, 1-calling me a liar over things i didnt lie abt , 2 -calling me the b word and falsely accusing me of things and twisting facts in a way that puts me in the wrong ,, and a lot more and saying that he’s not going to feel sorry abt talking like this and his reason of suddenly saying this is cuz no matter what happen he will never be with me,, the way he was talking it’s like he was convinced that he was right and no matter how much i showed him the truth he denies it ) … he’s the same guy that was shocked of how we fit so perfectly and used to call me his soulmate and bestfriend. I’m hurt since none of those things is true and bitter that the man i love things of me this way ,, will he ever regret it ? Wil he ever regret losing me ?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 13, 2021 at 9:06 pm
Hi Nova, if you work on yourself and show him hes made a mistake by becoming the Ungettable girl then yes he’s going to regret it, but it means that you need to work on yourself during your NC.
Amy
April 11, 2021 at 12:44 pm
So here’s a question I started dating somebody everything’s going good he gave me a sweatshirt you told me he really really cared about me a few days later he said he needed some time cuz he has some personal issues going on and he didn’t want to be in a relationship with anybody so I gave him a sweatshirt back a few days later he started dating somebody else and was extremely mad and angry at me he blocked me on all social media and he broke up with his current girlfriend and is dating again he tells everybody how much he hates me within 4 weeks he’s had three girlfriends
Leah
October 9, 2020 at 12:44 am
My ex seemed to give everything I do or say a different meaning which escalated most of the time. And no matter how much I defended myself and tell him he is mistaken about the interpretation of my words or actions, it meant nothing to him. I love him so much that there is nothing I won’t do to fix things. But he decided it’s not worth fixing and ended things without any explanation. He said it’s better not to talk or see each other. How is that better? I don’t deserve an ending like this. I don’t know what he thinks I did that deserves a punishment like this. How can someone who was all into you and cares for you turn to someone who wants nothing to with you just like that ? He treats me like a stranger. It drives me nuts trying to understand how he can just throw away what we had like it meant nothing. When I try to talk to him he always say please don’t… don’t what?as if I’m going to hurt him or something. I am the one that is hurting here. I don’t get it.
Chloe
September 25, 2020 at 11:03 pm
Hi,
This story is crazy from start to finish. I met a man in January this year. Instantly we had an intense crazy connection and it turned out we both grew up in the same small town, went to the same school, had all mutual friends but had never met. He moved to the city and I moved further out west. Straight away we got the feels for each other, opened up to one another, had mind blowing sex and spent three hours a night on the phone every night. After two weeks we decided we should call it off as we lived two hours from each other and our feelings were wayyy too intense. We didn’t talk for two days and then he realised he loved me and couldn’t be away from me so we decided to try and make it work. I week after that we found out I was pregnant even though I had the morning after pill. He said he’d support me in either decision but we both didn’t really want a baby. We went to the abortion clinic together and I was a complete mess. He ended up saying “tell them we are leaving we will work this out, I’ve got your back” so bam here we were together for 15 weeks and I’m 13 weeks pregnant. Everything was going great I met his ex baby mama and his son loved them to pieces, he met my daughters and he was fantastic with them. Come to the end of May when I started showing I noticed he’d stopped having long convos on the phone and stopped texting sweet things. I figured he was just stressed about everything so I was trying to just hold down the fort and not make a big deal of it. August rolls around and he told me he doesn’t love me anymore because I kept the baby and it’s ruined his life. I went no contact for 27 days and in that time he only tried to call on days 3 & 5 then nothing. So I contacted him because I wanted to know if he’d be at the birth. He told me he doesn’t want to be there because this baby was meant to be an abortion and his not going to sit there and hold my hand because he doesn’t love me anymore. Since then he has been nothing but horrible to me. He can’t even talk to me calmly I’ll ring him and within 30 seconds he is screaming at me and hanging up. I honestly can’t believe he has become this horrible nasty person when I would of done anything for this man. I still love him to pieces. Should I just give up? I’m so incredibly heart broken
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 12, 2020 at 9:51 am
Hi Chloe, this sounds absolutely awful!! And I would say that you need to No Contact him for a long period of time, I would suggest that you start facing the situation without him around, having a labour buddy or a parent someone who is going to support you through labour! As for him I would suggest you NC until baby is born, let him know the same day so he can not hold that against you for not telling him, and what ever he decides to do. Accept that. I don’t know if this is fear that’s made him change, or if he is just not a good guy, but take a big step back and focus on your wellbeing and the baby!
johanna
August 18, 2020 at 9:34 pm
Hi,
So I really messed up in the relationship and did something insanely crazy. back story we were together for 4 years. he has cheated on me in the past. this past january he went on a study abroad trip and met someone who he formed an emotional connection with. we were arguing a lot over him spending every single day together because I was getting jealous that every single story he mentioned he would go on and on about this girl he’s been hanging out with. I started to push him away with my fights and he broke up with me because he was confused with his feelings and knew that he had no future with the girl, but was confused how he was able to develop feelings for her. He was super mean to me after the breakup. eventually we got to be friendly and he was super apologetic for how he acted. I then asked for space because after 3 months apart he still wasn’t sure about me. He messaged me when he found out that I got coronavirus and was saying how much he misses me, wants to see me, how much he loves me etc. It was a lovely conversation. However, the next day he tells me that he has booked a bus ticket to go and see the girl he left me for along with two other friends over my birthday. I was so angry and upset and I told him I would never forgive him if he did this to me. After a week of contemplating how to alter the trip to not be there on my birthday, he decided to go. Ultimately I was so upset and hurt from this decision since he offered to change his tickets in the first place. I then decided to cancel his bus tickets without his knowledge and he was unable to go on the trip. He now hates me and has blocked me and says he never wants me to contact him ever again. I really hope that this doesn’t mean that I will never speak to him again. I have ways to contact him but have decided that I should respect the space. It’s been 18 days of NC. I’m not sure if he will ever forgive me. Do I have hope? What should I do in order to change his feelings about me? He said some really hurtful stuff about me when he found out 🙁
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 5, 2020 at 8:44 pm
Hi Johanna, what you did is going to make anyone angry, but also puts you in the “crazy” ex girlfriend section. Your NC needs to be at least 45 days. Even after that time expect him to still be angry with you
Amanda
August 4, 2020 at 4:07 pm
My ex-boyfriend Broke up with me and we got back together a couple times and it seems he’s not happy he’s always down in the dumps and I found out he had some pictures of the ex on his phone I told him about them and he said he didn’t have any pictures of her on his phone and he show me and they were not there anymore so did he Erase them or What because I know what I saw and when I asked him about it he got really mad and said I was a Crazy bitch, and he got really out of control and called me all kinds of bad things he said he hated me and he blocked me so I wasn’t upset with him about the pictures I just wanted to let him know they were on his phone in case he didn’t know I remained calm and he raised his voice with me and made me leave his house I love him and want to be with him but he won’t even talk to me or anything he says he hates me and I’m a crazy person and something is wrong with me I don’t know what to do to get him back anymore it seems hopeless I called him and texted him a lot and he got even angrier what can I do
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 11, 2020 at 7:00 pm
Hi Amanda, you need to go into a 45 day No Contact and stick with it for the full term. You need to spend some time working on yourself and showing that you have self control to not reach out to him for that length of time. You can use social media and mutual friends to show you are doing better than you have been lately but also that you are “moving on” from him by socialising with friends and doing fun activities.
Miriah
July 6, 2020 at 5:59 am
My ex broke up with me recently. We were together 5 years. To say the least it wasn’t a shock. He was getting to the point he was agitated all the time and immersed in his conspiracy theories. I’ve been depressed after the death of my mom a few months ago. I held on to the relationship because I still loved him and worried for him. He broke it off then I found out two days later he was trying to rebound with our coworker (we work together). Broke my heart. She rejected him and from what I understand she was uncomfortable with the entire situation. ( side note: he rebounded with me after breaking up with his ex years prior) He then blamed me for supposedly influencing her. By all means I am friends with the girl but I never did anything of the sort. He has been beyond hateful to me since. I had to move out of our home because he would scream horrible things at me. Threaten to throw my things out (which he eventually did). He texted me he hated me the last time I texted him trying to be kind and be on good terms for the sake of working together. He’s been having an absolute meltdown at work. Treating customers and the managers like garbage. I no longer attempt to talk to him. Its sad. He’s all alone. Nobody talks to him, he’s all alone. I feel like he might get fired.
Elizabeth
June 20, 2020 at 11:08 am
Ill try to be brief. I don’t know what to do. He is hurt and hates me. He wants children. I don’t. We split without an argument. We’ve shared our location on iPhone for a year. If I stop, he will be more mad and he thinks it proves even more that I never loved him. He twists my words but seems to believe what he comes up with. Unfortunately, I’ve tried to fix this by talking and asking him what to do. Throughout our relationship, he became involved in my volunteer work. Now we have so many mutual friends, I have no friends to go to. Any communication is from me by phone and he’s so nice it sounds fake. He got in my head, I lost boundaries and myself. I don’t know what to do. We could make great friends but he’s so angry and convinced I wanted to ruin his life.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 20, 2020 at 12:39 pm
Hi Elizabeth, in a situation like yours I must say that you are going to have to be cruel to be kind. He wants children, you dont. Thats pretty much the end of the relationship. Unless you change your mind and want children, or he decides that he is happy to not have any. The relationship wont work. As for being friends, you are going to have to give him some time to not be upset right now, he is still going to go through the stages of the break up even if he ended the relationship
Leslie
May 17, 2020 at 8:04 pm
My name is Leslie and I am 54 yrs old and my Ex boyfriend is 57 yrs old.We were together for 2 and half years.. and out of that time lived together for a year.: our relationship was full of love until it went down hill , He lost his step father and had to help with the funeral, then he lost his nephew tragically in a car accident and had to identify his body, then his mother needed caring and her granddaughter moved in, then the granddaughter was turning to dugs and alcohol and my ex boyfriend had to take over.. He had to now be the caretaker of his mother because his brother and 2 sisters wouldn’t help.. He had to be there for his mother and she walked all over him. So he literally pushed me aside.: He broke up by asking for space and over and over again said constantly I deserve better.. He didn’t break up with me for another woman because the other woman was his mother.. that was the first break up that lasted 39 days .. I begged and pleaded for him to take me back so he did and I tried my hardest to accept that his mother needed most of his time but things got worse .. too many excuses with his work , which was and is under his mother’s name and in her will .. He saw me for the first few days , about 4 times , then it was 10 days later, then it was 2 weeks later, then he pulled away and it was only phone calls he was giving me… Always always more and more excuses.. I said he seemed so depressed because he gained weight and every night complained about his mother and her business.. that was suppose to go in his name.. and his mother just gave him broken promises.. Now the last time I saw him was a month ago because we share his sons dog together, his son is in the military.. I love the dog and he wants me to be the dogs caretaker.. So the last time I saw him was mainly to give me food for her , he came and when I went to hug him there wasn’t a hug back , however, he stayed for a couple of hours on the couch and told me how it isn’t me and that he is frustrated and wish things were different.. A week before this event I asked him what’s going on please answer my questions so I said Do you love me I deserve to know the truth…He said no Leslie I don’t love you and he clearly showed signs as if he hated me and never invited me over to his house and he lives 5 minutes away and blamed it on the Covid19. However, he would have other people come to his home.. so none of this made sense .. So my last contact speaking to him before the break up was what should I do he then said I think you should walk away.. So I did for 14 days but I had to contact him for him to contact the vet for the dog to get her meds by my address because the dog was under his sons address which was my ex’s address before he went into the military..I fell for the trap when I called him for the dogs meds by him saying he thought I was mad at him. I told him I am doing what he asked by walking away.. in the past he gave me and offered money to me for the dog.. I would have never ever broken contact with him but I love the dog..So he was nice to me so the next 4 days I was texting him one text a day.. and he was responding and he wished me Happy Mother’s Day so I called him and he called me back but by accident I missed the call so then a few days went by and he called me again and apologized because somebody took his phone and then it suddenly turned up and that’s why he didn’t call back again, so that went well and then my daughter wanted me to see if he could drive us to the dump because he had a truck to get rid of mattresses he said that’s fine and if I can’t do it you are more than welcomed to take my truck on your own.. So I told him during our last time we talked I asked him if we are back together.. From what he said when I told him I never cheated on him that he said I know.. so I assumed we were back together.. but my gut felt otherwise by calling him and the last night again he had company and I wasn’t invited so that night I had severe anxiety and couldn’t sleep so I called him to clarify the final morning , he then said that the relationship had ended and that is what he meant by walking away.. I believe he fully led me on because him contacting me I thought we were back together as a couple.. So I said have a nice life and said goodbye.. I was so deeply hurt and in shock I texted him how I felt , in the past last break up he said my words were vicious and sharp and they were then but no swearing.. this time my words were strong and to the point that he led me on and he was no longer the man I fell in love with anymore and that he treated me like trash.. Maybe I was wrong but he continually led me on and I was so deeply hurt over and over again .. So he probably thinks again my words are Vicious not to mention I sent the text 3 times by accident because I was sending this message to my daughter what I sent him.. however I apologized for sending it that many times.. So my story ends with he use to be in love with me and his actions showed it highly and at the death of his nephew he loved me then but within one month he changed then drastically changed even more within the final 3 months.. I know for a fact that he can’t trust anyone except me to share his problems with so I am thinking that when his mother dies because she is in very poor help he will turn to me desperately.. I never did anything wrong except love him and support him all through his traumatic life situations.. all’s I did was love him so much because I thought that was what he needed but instead he pushed and pushed me away so that I would walk away because he said I deserve better.. He loved me before and definitely at his nephews wake .which was right before catering to his mother’s beck and call.. His mother is taking advantage and is a master manipulator.. my ex boyfriend even said this to me…. She wants him all to herself but my ex boyfriend can’t stand up for himself at all to anyone who uses him .. So that being said… Did he just push me away because of trauma and his mother and eventually come back and fall in love with me again.. ?? I am definitely going into no contact for my 3 rd time… Thank you for answering me
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 20, 2020 at 11:26 pm
Hi Leslie, if you complete this No Contact successfully while working on yourself to become Ungettable then you have a great chance. You need to be sure that you do not break NC as it looses its effectiveness every time. This time around you need to complete a 45 day No Contact
Diana
January 17, 2020 at 6:18 pm
Recently I tried having a closure moment with my ex boyfriend and ask ourselves why things ended so badly between us. It has been 4 months since the break up and am still trying to figure myself out but my ex boyfriend seems happy and contented. During the conversation he openly said that i the 3 yrs of dating i was never a friend to him just someone to have fun with and this has broken me emotionally and mentally, he later on said without hesitating tha he hates because in the past i told him that I never wanted to get pregnant with him and he reasoned this by concluding that I made him feel inferior as a man hence the reason of hating me. I stood by him, gave my all even when he cheated on me numerous times and i still forgave him yet he treated me with a lot of despise and said he is good without me in his life and I should not talk to him again. Advice me on what to do because
I really feel am done with him yet i still miss him.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 17, 2020 at 9:30 pm
Hi Diana, so something people dont quite understand is why we miss someone we are done with. Like yourself. You have spent time with this person and you have shared some times which you have been happy, enjoyed and loved. So not speaking to that person now is going to be normal to miss them even if you do not want to be with them anymore. So acknowledge you miss the person you spent that time with but you decided you didnt want to be with them, if you change your mind you can follow the process and start talking to him again and re attract them.
Vanessa
December 7, 2019 at 6:50 pm
My ex broke up with me a little over a month ago, he said he felt like we weren’t on the same page but things were going so good with us. We decided to stay as friends and we hung out a couple of times, everything was good and we would talk every other day. Until I noticed he was hanging out with one of my “friends” and her friend and they were being secretive about it. I confronted them and out of anger I was telling them they were being being fake. The only reason I was so upset was because I thought they were going to be honest with me. And those girls only want to party they’re not good influences. My ex got so mad at me that he blocked me only on one social media but I can still contact him through text and other social media. I asked him why he hates me and he said because I created drama and he doesn’t like that. I tried to apologize but he was so rude and didn’t want that. I respected his wishes and just wished him well.
Will he ever forget and forgive me or should I just move on?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 8, 2019 at 11:08 pm
Hi Vanessa yes he will get over that but what it could be is he does not like the fact you accused him. So complete a no contact and reach out in a friendly way at the end of 30 days
Irina
November 7, 2019 at 2:26 pm
My ex boyfriend who I broke up with exactly 4 weeks ago is an amazin person and was very lind. But we had a lot of conflits and I used to nitpick him for every little thing since he hurt me during summer, but nothing tragic. He made me react in a way that I didn’t like – I crief a lot and he told me in the end that he hates my reactions and that I am childlish and too emotional. Since we are classmates I still see him. At first, we didn’t talk for a week but then he told me he’ll still be thinking about us. He was telling me what bothered him and that he still loves me and misses me. He gave me a kiss on a hand. After 3 weeks he lost it with me, and told me we are never getting back together and that he doesn’t want to see me again and that he loved the way I loved him but never wants to be with a person like me again. When he sees me he looks at me with anger and almost hate and he barely says hi. He doesn’t want to talk to me and anything. Since we haven’t done no contact, and we’ve been broken up.. is there still a chance for us? We were together for a year and 1 day before breaking up we made plans for the whole year and to rent an appartment
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 8, 2019 at 6:06 pm
Hi Irina, so you need to do a limited no contact where you only speak to him if he approaches you or it is in a situation to do with school where you need to appear polite and mature. The rest of the time avoid him as much as you can. You need to work on your emotional control because acting out the way you described seems the be the reason he has walked away from the relationship so make sure you work on that. Then you need to start reaching out to him as a friend and re build that friendship connection again before you start flirting so he can see the improvements you have made. Remember its about showing not telling.
HA
September 5, 2019 at 1:10 am
My boyfriend was an amazing person and was very calm and kind too. However we had conflicts and I used to nitpick on small things which made me angry and we had fights quite often. He let them bother him so much he started losing his patience with time. We were together in a very committed living together relationship for over a year. At first he was nice and promised to help me get through things. However I kept begging for over a week since the break up and then since he wanted me to leave him alone I did so for 3 weeks. I contacted him after for some help and he did help and was kind to me. I ruined it by trying to talk to him. And then showed at his apartment. He was patient the first time and said don’t do it. But I saw some posts on Instagram of him and his friends on a trip with two couples him and another girl. I drunk dialed and texted everyone which I regretted and apologized the next day. But his friends had been poisoning him. I turned up again unannounced to genuinely apologize. He was fuming and I heard his friend say we should call the cops on me. I was still calm but he hated me and i could see it. Do you think I still have hope left? I already deleted his contact and I’m staying away from him.