For the next few minutes, just follow along with me here and imagine that you were in a situation where your ex boyfriend tells you that he hates and despises you.

Got it?


Oh but before I really dive in I have a bit of a favor to ask, if you have ever had an experience with an angry and agitated ex boyfriend such as what we will talk about here, by all means weigh in.

Tell me about your breakup situation and what happened.

Use the Comment Section below.

Me and my team will offer our input and support because we know how badly it can make you feel if your ex boyfriend says he hates and despises you.

In fact, it is an awful position to be in when you are on the receiving end of criticism from the guy you love.

You don’t know whether you should try and defend yourself and fight back or just lay low.

Sometimes, because of the heat of the battle, whatever you do when your ex boyfriend is on a rampage just isn’t going to turn out well.

But help is on its way. Lend me you ear!

(That’s a picture of me by the way in case you were wondering.)



You just want me to cut right to the chase.

So let’s say you wake up in the morning feeling alone with a heart sick feeling deep in your chest.

You are not the kind of girl who would ever think that their boyfriend would end up having hateful and resentful feelings toward you.  You have been sweet and caring.  The relationship, though only about a year old, has been fulfilling.

It never even entered your mind that what the two of you had together would come apart at the seams. You never imagined that you ex boyfriend would become so angry at you.   That is why it was shocking when he told you that he never wanted to see or hear from you again.  It was like a bad dream as you experience the relationship just break apart.

This is not happening to me…

You think to yourself.

But it did.

What is a girl to do when she thinks she has met her Prince Charming, but now he has nothing but hatred and disdain in his every expression?

How Does a Relationship Fall Apart?

Breakups typically will end with a good bit of discord.  Emotions running rampant usually are to blame for much of the damage. It is rare that a boyfriend and girlfriend will just amiably part ways, wishing each other the best.

But when your guy launches into a tirade of angry barbs and accusations, declaring you as the worst girl he has ever laid eyes on, that can really be painful. Then when your boyfriend tells you he wants you “out of his life“, that is getting pretty bad.

That kind of talk is crushing to the spirit.

Being on the receiving end of an abusive tirade is pretty rough on the “relationship ego,” if you know what I mean.

So let’s say things have gotten a little crazy lately.

With all that has happened, you are convinced that your ex boyfriend must hate you.

He has conveyed this to you countless times over the last few days.

He called you a couple times and left you messages filled with sarcasm.

You knew he could get angry with how things came down, but you never realized he would become so demonstrably ugly and hateful in his outbursts.

The few text messages you have gotten over the past week from your ex boyfriend have all pretty much communicated the same thing.

Your ex is telling things like,

“I can’t even stand thinking about you”.

“You are nothing to me now”.  

“I hope you are suffering as much as I am“.

So why is your ex behaving like this?

Why does he seem to have so much hate in his heart?

And what on earth could you have have done to strike such a nasty and spiteful reaction from your ex bf?

Do you have a chance of getting him back?
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Why is Your Ex Boyfriend Being Such a Monster?

my boyfriend is a monser

All these ugly things that your ex may be saying about you can be a blow to your self esteem.

It can cause you to question why you even got mixed up with him in the first place.  It occurs to you that if he has so little regard for your feelings and is compelled to say the most monstrous things about you, maybe the whole relationship was a big mistake.

If I was to ever construct a list of the most mean spirited and vicious replies from an ex boyfriend, your guy with all of his venom would be among the top. It is as if your ex has assembled all of his angst, anger, resentment, and hostility into a big hate bomb and decided to drop it on you.

Of course, that can be a problem when ugly fights and breakups occur.  Some guys become blind to the complexities of a mature relationship.  Some may even think, you alone, are the cause of all his troubles, failing to recognize his own shortcomings.

We all know that breakups are rarely the fault of only one person or even one thing.

Yet, in this time and place, as you feel blown away by your ex boyfriend’s provocative outburst, you begin to wonder what on earth you may have done to justify such hatred.

You know deep inside your heart that he can’t really hate you like he says.  Yet, it is hard to look past the litany of angry and ugly words he keeps casting your way.  While your rationale mind knows he is trying to provoke you…get you to react to his absurd accusations, it still hurts a lot when your ex boyfriend seems to have nothing but contempt for you.

Didn’t any of the good times we had together, count for something“, you ask yourself?  Well, apparently not in your ex’s mind because his vicious attacks came pretty fast and furious after the breakup.

Ironically you were not even looking for the relationship to suddenly come to an end. It certainly was not something either of you had planned or foreseen.

Things in the relationship were moving along quite well.

Communications were pretty good.

The sex was good.

The fights that happened earlier, with a bit too much regularity, had subsided.

Conflict seldom got way out of hand and when the relationship pressure cooker sometimes turned too hot, you both did a decent job of cooling down and making up.

Your philosophy was “make up quickly and make out for a long time.”

Yet here you are, wondering how it all unraveled so quickly.

Now you are on the receiving end of his wrath and you want it to stop.

Breaking It All Down

He was your first really serious boyfriend and you were the first girl for which he had declared his love.

So in many ways, it was young love at the beginning. But after a year of dating, you believed a real attachment was forming.

But seemingly, out of nowhere, the end with your ex boyfriend just took on a life of its own.

Of course, in hindsight, you now regret telling your ex that you had a “little bit of a thing” with a former flame.

Looking back, that was the trigger.  You think to yourself, it really wasn’t anything and should have never posed an emotional threat to your boyfriend.  There was no sex involved.  You only agreed to meet him at a park when you learned he was in town. The two of you did take a long walk to relive some of your shared past.  But nothing really happened.

Of course, your boyfriend saw things completely differently and imposed his on spin on what “really happened”.

But nothing happened you keep telling yourself.  Nevertheless, despite all your assurances that you were “his” and that you never entertained anything remotely “sexual” with your old ex boyfriend, he was not to be convinced.

It was stupid of you, looking back, to think that he would understand.

You had thought, “honesty was the best policy”.

So when he had simply asked you what your day was like, you told him the straight truth.  Looking back, that is when your ex boyfriend’s anger fuse was lit. Hearing about you and some other guy walking around and reliving the good old days, was just too much for him to process.

Your guy had demonstrated before he was the jealous type.  In fact, you had used a little jealousy on him before to arouse him.  But you just didn’t properly weigh his potential to overreact to you simply connecting with an old friend.

That is when he unleashed all of his anger and vile, hateful accusations.  You had never cheated on him and genuinely was committed to the relationship. But he was never very good at reading your mind.  And in this case, his mind was racing with all kinds of nonsense.

You knew deep inside, he might be a little upset, but you didn’t want your relationship predicated on deceit. But you miscalculated his reaction.  When your ex boyfriend started to unleash his spiteful claims about your lack of integrity and trustworthiness and outright accused you of “messing around“, you knew things were far out of hand.  You pretty much zoned out when he started throwing around words like, “slut” and “tramp”.

It was those words, that you had never heard him utter, that made you aware that you ex bf was way out of control and the anger had taken over his better judgement.

Do You Wish You Could Turn Back The Clock With Your Ex Boyfriend

turning back the clock to stop the breakup

Now, of course, you wished you could turn back the clock.

While a good part of you was furious at him for his outlandish statements and behavior, another part of you really wanted him back.  The breakup was kinda of mutual, though your ex boyfriend was the catalyst to it all.  You were just being “you” and nothing about your behavior or intentions was wrong.  That was clear in your mind.  But of course, you ex bf saw none of that and in your view had a contorted sense of reality.

There really was nothing else you could say to him to explain things better.  You had tried to reinforce, many times, that the little rendezvous you had with your old flame was nothing more than just being socially friendly.

You thought, “How much more frustrating can a breakup be if I did nothing wrong?”

Your current ex boyfriend was a great guy.  But now everything was fouled up.  And you didn’t know where to turn to get the relationship back on track. Your ex’s wild outburst upon learning of your excursion with another ex, had convinced you that he may have really meant it when he told you that he “never wanted to lay eyes on you again“.

So here you find yourself again, lying in bed, with your heart starting to race and pound in your chest with another one of those mini panic attacks.  You think to yourself, “He may actually mean it this time. It may all be over. I may never see him again.” You start feeling sad again when you reflect on those many good times you had with your lover.

So, you ask yourself for the hundredth time, “Is it really over. Could he possibly no longer be in love with me”?

You reflect, “Could it it be over just because of an utterly, stupid misunderstanding”?

These were the questions my client asked me as she mulled over what she could do and whether the relationship with her ex was doomed forever.

Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn’t Really Hate and Despise You.

As it turned out, my client was pretty motivated to get back on speaking terms.

She desperately wanted to know what on earth she could do to turn the whole thing around?  She wanted to know, “How can you get my ex bf to stop thinking about me in such a hateful way?

She wanted to explore, “What can be done to make him see me again as the girl he truly loves and adores“?

Here is the good news.

It turns out, when we are dealing with the psychologically behind the feelings of hate and love, the two are not that far apart.

Think of a coin.  Hate is one side.  Love is on the opposite side.  These two forces are diametrically opposed to each other.  The feelings and forces behind these two emotions could not be more different.  It seems there exists a great gulf between a boyfriend exhibiting hate for you versus him showing that he loves you.

But you might be surprised that it sometimes doesn’t take much to flip those feelings, particularly if you have a previous connection with each.  If your background with each other has been relatively positive, then love will eventually win out over hate.  If you have shared many loving and fulfilling experiences together as a couple, then your opportunity to flip anger and hateful feelings back over to love is high.

your ex bf will choose love over hate

Think of hate as a temporary emotion.

It’s life span is usually not very long.  Of course, the hate or anger that an ex boyfriend can feel toward his former girlfriend can be powerful.  It can burn bright.  But like a shooting star, hateful feelings and mean thoughts almost always phase out.

With time, the ugly nature that can rise up out of us can dissipate, particular if we are already invested in the person through common and meaningful experiences.

On the other hand, love is an enduring feeling.  It has a spiritual, emotional, and biological connection.  It is driven by positive experiences and attachment. Love arises from the many things you do well together as a couple.  Love is uplifted by the natural chemicals released in your brain when you are in each other’s presence and when you hug each other or make love with each other.

So of the two sides of the coin, love  more frequently trumps the darker side of our being.  Flip the coin multiple times, it will more often land on love.

That is the way of love and hate and relationships.

So the dilemma for this young woman of my story above is to learn how to help her ex boyfriend most flip his coin such that it lands on love.  Or in this case, a return to the loving bond which use to exist between the couple before they parted.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

How Can You Change Your Ex Boyfriends Attitude About You

The story I shared was taken from a woman (Amy) who reached out to me a few days ago.  She was still smarting from her sudden and disastrous breakup with her boyfriend.  When we first began talking about her situation, I explained to her that it could take some time to help her ex boyfriend flip over from the hateful feelings he was expressing, to a place where his feelings morphed back to where they use to be.

I explained to her she is not the first client to come to me with such a story.  I told her there are many types of breakups and in many of them, the emergence of anger and resentment is not unusual.  While her situation involved a very upset, almost out of control boyfriend who seemed unaccustomed to dealing with complex social relationship experiences, I was optimistic.

I reinforced that there was indeed hope because based on her description, their relationship up to the point of the breakup was relatively successful. It seemed to me that her ex bf was emotionally charged for a reason.  Whether it was due to a form of attachment insecurity or an excessive control issue, he seemed to go way overboard with his reaction.

But this is the way of emotions, right?  When emotions run high, all semblance of good reason seems to just vanish. Knowing this, will help you.  I will talk about this more in a minute.

You see, when an ex boyfriend takes a plunge into the deep end of the cease pool of, “let’s see how much I can make my ex girlfriend suffer and agonize over her transgressions,“, then you know you have struck a raw nerve.  While it may sound a little crazy to you, just know when your boyfriend overreacts with such passion, the positive thing you can derive from his reaction is that he deeply cares about you, otherwise he would not have such an adverse reaction.

You won’t feel outraged about something, unless you are deeply invested. Now I don’t recommend you rush out there and do something to really piss off your lover in order to gauge if they care enough about you to go bat [email protected] crazy!

But trust me, if your boyfriend really cares for you deeply, he will on occasion go a little mad.  Jealousy can bring that out. And that seemed to be at play to some degree with Amy’s situation.

The most important thing you can do is give him space and time.  Those two things, which we will talk about later, can have a powerful effect on his psyche.

The Dynamics of Love & Hate

love endures and hate dies off

Let’s call it the Love/Hate Principle.  It usually applies in situations in which there is another “perceived” challenge or rival to your boyfriend’s love and affections.

If your ex responds to your reaction to another’s perceived rival’s affection by expressing outrage and is beside himself with anger, to the extent that his behavior is awful and ugly, then you can be assured he must really, really feel close to you.  Otherwise, his reaction would be more tempered.

So never give up hope if you feel the sting of anger and mean spiritedness.

Remember, he does not really hate you.  The things he is saying comes from a place of anger.

If you carefully play your cards, you can facilitate the process of your lover learning just how “stupid” he is behaving.  This is where my principle of “less is more” pays dividends.  The less you do or say or do things to provoke him, the more you deposit into his bank of trust.

Don’t go running back, asking for forgiveness.  Your likely to get another dose of his wrath.  Don’t answer his ugly behavior with your own unpleasant counter attack.

In Amy’s case, it was a one time social outing she had with an old ex flame.  These kind of situations are not that rare. There have been other cases I have dealt with involving equally chaotic relationship breakdowns.

There was the girl who needed advice on how to deal with a overly sensitive boyfriend who got himself all riled up when she flirted with a few too many guys. It was nothing really, but his insecurity led to some fretful days for her.  She admitted she angry at him and struck back by flirting even more.

Predictably, their relationship unraveled as the tempers flared one too many times.

There was also a case I worked on the other day in which a young woman who emailed me with a frantic and shocking story of her ex bf going bananas over her wanting to hold off on sex.  Her upbringing led her to embrace an old fashioned approach to premarital sex and so she simply wanted to wait for marriage.

But her insensitive boyfriend kind of freaked.  He turned out be loaded with what I call the Jerk Complex.  At least as it applied to this situation.  And being independent minded, she gave him an ultimatum (usually not a smart thing to do) about ending the relationship.  So he did by telling her that her attitude was a “relationship breaker”.

Using Time and No Contact To Your Advantage

give each other space and time

Don’t we say the most stupid of things when were are upset?

But what I tell my clients is that it is not so much the words that matter, but actions and intentions.

There was something all of these ladies shared in common, including Amy, namely they all enjoyed a relatively solid relationship history with their boyfriends. None of them had been rocked by an on and off again pattern of breakups.  Rather, the women were well adjusted and pragmatic about their life and their futures.  None of them were begging and crying for a way to fix the relationship with their ex.  And in each of these cases, the men in question seemed to be behaving outside of their normal history.  It was as if certain events and circumstances aligned just right to cause them to melt down.

In no way am I excusing their behavior.

And nor should their girlfriends.  I told each of my clients that if the relationship recovers, as I expect it would, there would be a need for some go backs. Meaning, the couple would need to sit down and understand exactly what happened, why it happened, and how to prevent that kind of behavior from occurring again.

So the question I had for all of these ladies was whether they were prepared to adopt the No Contact Rule.  I explained how it worked to each of them in great detail and emphasized that the odds were in their favor given their history and how the breakups unfolded.

I suggested they adopt a 21 day No Contact Period. They could modify the period if their ex boyfriend demonstrated genuine remorse for their overreaction to the situation.  And I went over all of the exceptions and advantages and disadvantages of not completing the entire no contact period.

I explained that by giving each other space, not only will time away from communicating and seeing each other foster the necessary healing, but it would also serve as a catalyst to their ex, helping him realize he is missing out on being with the one he truly loves.

One thing most women, who are bouncing off a recent breakup, badly need is time to clear their own thoughts and get more in touch with their feelings.  But in these particular situations, the guys probably need it even more. They need time alone to calm down and eventually realize the foolishness of their behavior.

It may go against everything you are feeling, but time away from your partner in love will be beneficial.  For your boyfriend to flip from saying he hates and despises you to reach a place where he realizes he has allowed his emotions to run away is not going to happen overnight.

Making Sure Your Ex Sees You as a Real Catch!

make your ex boyfriend see you as a real catch

Flipping your ex is also about using the Principle of Projection that I talk about here on my website.

While you are carrying out the No Contact Rule, you want to exhibit the kind of attitude that you “have it all together“, even if you don’t quite feel that way. Mind you, I want you to work on become a better version of “you” and to do that you need to focus on improving your emotional and spiritual health.

Get out and engage in life, meeting new friends and traveling to new places.  You want to project the image of someone who is beautiful, emotionally well adjusted, and thrilled to be enjoying life.  The best way to do that, is to become that person.

Project a winning and positive image.  Become the Ungettable Girl.

And while doing all these things and more, be aware that your ex will likely take notice. You can always do a few things to ensure that he notices.

The personal power in the post breakup period will switch to you. Your ex will be reminded of how important you are to his world.

Sometimes we miss things more, when it is taken away.  That is the position you want your ex to be in.  You don’t want him just missing you, but also realizing that there is a kind of a “New You” out there and this “New You” doesn’t seem to need him.

That is what you are projecting and that is going to help him flip back to you.

It is uncanny how often an ex can re-gear his whole attitude about how he thinks of you, if only you create some space and project independence, energy and success.

178 thoughts on “Why Does My Ex Boyfriend Say He Hates and Despises Me?”

  1. Eva

    April 5, 2018 at 4:58 pm

    The text sounds pretty reasonable, yet what about on off relationships?
    this time before he split up, he wanted to marry me. he got angry after me being insensitive and clingy (well he split up few days before so yah surprise).
    Yet he completelt overreacted and got so nasty. blocked me,one day later told me to “fuck off”, that he regrets wanting to marry me, that he doesn’t care what i am saying, he wants a better girlfriend and that I am a slow learner etc. I stayed cool yet felt humiliated. So he said the relationship is toxic and he doesn’t want to see me any more. Yet I got unblocked.
    So is that agressivness normal? How will a man realise that this behaviour is bullshit?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 6, 2018 at 12:04 am

      It’s really normal!

      In fact, I’ve seen crazier behavior from exes. How old is he may I ask?

    2. Eva

      April 20, 2018 at 9:14 pm

      Ah Chris! Sorry late reply I try to catch up. I hope I don’t annoy you.
      He is 26 I am 29.
      I got blocked again with the same hateful talk and now he is threatening me to open his heart for someone else, because he regrets to have been with me and he was unhappy all the time. It is tiring. I know the role I played during the break up. yes man I made some bad mistakes, also was needy and did not respect his wish for space. I hurt him without intention and he hates me for being the reason he is hurt. I read all the articles/books etc. just not yet went radio silent.
      for now I just think I should write sth to recover my dignity. That I understand h being upset yet to talk to me like that is not ok and I now take my step back and take space. what do you think?
      I am resilient yet his respect and love is gone.
      Not sure if I ever can rekindle that.
      Thank you for your patience and attention 🙂

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2018 at 9:24 pm

      I am thinking that his respect and love for you is far from being gone. That is not something that just disappears with some words or anger. These breakup situations can bring out the worse in us all, but with time things settle down….emotions temper down…and people get in touch more with what they truly want and need.

    4. Eva

      April 20, 2018 at 10:20 pm

      So do you suggest radio silence for now?
      (But will he ever apologise or unblock?)
      I fell like I still look needy in his eyes
      thank you for your encouraging. I try my best to stay strong and positive.

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2018 at 1:31 am

      No Contact (radio silence) does allow you to rebuild your image in his eyes if that is a problem. As to what he might do, we are dealing with probabilities. Think less about that and more about what you can do to focus on your own recovery needs as that helps you in the long run.

  2. jane

    March 11, 2018 at 9:37 pm

    Hi there, Well this is a long story…
    around this time 2 years ago i went through a breakup which completely hurt me so much, and even haunts me now. When i was 14 (i know right, very young!) i met a boy, who was extremely charming, we were so alike! and we became the best of friends and fell in love with each other. Thinking back now (being 18) i don’t think this was a sexual love, it was more of an innocent, best friend love. I was quite a shy child, i was scared of doing something wrong, being judged. This boy was, cheeky, a bad boy some would say. Yet so different, but so alike. He was so ‘different’, cliche ahah. Well we were together for 2 years, and they were amazing but it was so immature, arguments over every tiny thing. I have now learnt from this though and am grateful for what these situations have taught me. We did everything together, and it got to toxic as i just wanted to be with him all the time and he was distancing, wanting to be with other girls, wanting to explore. Thinking now, i don’t blame him. But the way he handled these feelings, hurt me so badly, even to this day. He cheated on me. He went away for 4 weeks with his friends on a NCS trip (like a activities holiday with other schools) when he got back we were supposed to go to spain for 2 weeks on holiday. But… Whilst he was there he lied to all the girls saying he was single, his friends went along with it and he cheated on me. I got a phone call out of the blue saying that he wanted to break up. At this point i knew we weren’t working, it hadn’t felt right for so long, so i guessed this was probably for the best, even though it hurt like hell. (i didn’t know he had cheated on me yet) so he ended it with “maybe in 2 years we can meet up and i can take you out for dinner and try again” blar blar blar. Anyway i took my friend on holiday (best holiday of my life anyway ahah) But then it got nasty. I found out he cheated and he instantly denied it. More came out, he slept with other girls. He told me that he never loved me and that he hated me, never wanting to ever see me again. When i got back off holiday, my best friend who was a boy, reached out, he supported me, and swooped in. At first, i wasn’t sure if it was too soon, but everything felt so right. He was perfect, he treated me so right, everything my ex was never to me. So, me and that boy got together after a month of talking. My ex found out and me thinking he hated me, getting on any girl he could get, started spreading nasty rumors about me to my friends. He said i cheated on him with the boy i was with now, but i didn’t. I still think he thinks i cheated on him, when i really didn’t, i would have done anything for him.

    Anyhow, i am still with that boy, who i now love so so much. Our relationship is so different to my exs, it’s more mature, everything i ever wanted. I am so happy with him. But little things keep reminding me of my ex… i feel so guilty but i know it’s human.
    My ex still says nasty stuff about me if i’m brought up as he is friends with my friends. Which i really don’t understand because if he didn’t care then why is he still saying stuff? He now has a new girl friend which i am happy about because i really want him to be happy. But i hate how he is still horrible about me because i haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve forgiven him and taken what i learnt from him into my new relationship. We still haven’t talked since we broke up and it’s been 2 years. Theres so much unsaid and i feel so guilty about now letting it go, especially as i’m with someone new. I don’t love my ex anymore but i don’t like the tension between us everytime we are at the same parties. Lately he has been at every party that i have been at, and every time we are in the same circle, he walks off saying “ffs i can’t do this” or “anyway i’m gonna go over there” and it makes me feel terrible because i don’t want him to feel like he can’t be in the same space as me and to think that we’ve gone from doing everything together and knowing so much about eachother to becoming strangers who can’t even be in the same room it’s awful and makes me so sad. My friends have told me to confront him but i feel that it’s too late. Too much time has passed, i don’t think it even bothers him anymore as he’s moved on but then why do i feel so much tension at parties? I feel him watching me, and i feel so insecure as my best friend tells me that she can see him looking at me. and i even see it! He does things out of spite like hugs other girls in front of me (even though he has a girl friend of his own), this doesn’t make me jealous but it annoys me that hes actually trying to annoy me. I don’t understand and it’s so confusing. I feel if i were to talk to him about this he would be nasty and wouldn’t want to talk about it. Even if we were to talk, i also wouldn’t know what to say as i wouldn’t want to over step as i’ve got a boyfriend so i wouldn’t want my ex thinking the wrong thing as i don’t want him back, just to be civil. But it’s been 2 years, so how can i even approach this! we are off to university soon anyway so should i just let it all go? Everything just feels so unanswered and he was a huge part of my life so it’s so difficult.

    Thats the end of my story… Hope you can help maybe and give me some answers?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2018 at 4:41 pm

      Hi Jane
      Just approach him casually when you’re in one place.. If he doesn’t want to talk you just have to let him be.. Don’t waste more time on him
      He’s probably just keeping on bad mouthing you to stick to his stories.

  3. Lindsay

    March 10, 2018 at 6:46 am

    Hi Lindsay

    Sorry that you think I’m rude or being nasty to you , but in fact it’s not the case. The real reason for me not wanting to be with you is that I started to despise(not hate) the person you became cos I fell inlove with that nice mannered girl who was precious to me.
    All this drama exposed the true person you are and what I saw aint actually what I can live with cos you are vindictive towards everybody, even after I told you, you don’t have to get everybody back for what they did to you… there is a thing such as Karma.

    Never the less, my feelings for you are real that’s why Natalie went off like she did cos I told her how I felt about you.

    This break up is not about her, I cant be with you cos your negative way of thinking puts me off and this is something I don’t want to deal with.
    Sorry for not being forth coming about this cos I didn’t think you would have understood this on Tuesday cos your mind wasn’t right.

    We can be friends when you are the person I met a few months ago, I liked her better , infact I fell inlove with her.


    This is the email I got from my ex after he broke up with me on Wednesday.

  4. Emma Wade

    December 30, 2017 at 7:31 am


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Emma,

      you need to give him space.. he has to heal and you have let him move on.

  5. Asia

    November 19, 2017 at 5:37 am

    Hello my name is Asia. Me and my boyfriend broke up on good terms a month ago. Less than a week he gets a girlfriend and he acts as if he hates me. He doesn’t even want to hear my voice. He brags about how he does this and that with his new girl of a month. He sounds happy with it and really hates me. What does it mean and what do I do? I still have feelings and they’re strong ones and I want him back. Help please.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:41 pm

      Hi Asia,

      How long were you together and are you going to do the no contact rule?

  6. Anna

    November 1, 2017 at 1:49 pm

    Me and my bf broke up before and he came back after about 2 weeks and said he was always going to come back. I said some stuff I didn’t mean and he left, it wasn’t half as bad as our last break up. I texted him and his family a lot trying to make him reconsider. He told me to leave him alone on Monday. I didn’t speak to him on Tuesday. Today I asked if he still has my necklace (one that he bought me) and he said he did and that he was going on his lunch break and not to message him again. I told him I’d give him space but he knows I want him back. He also said that there was no one else. Do you think he will come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 8:03 pm

  7. Rain

    October 16, 2017 at 6:47 am

    Okay so my names rain, i was with my ex for 5 yrs. Our relationship wasnt the best, alot of infedelity. But when his family falsely accused us and we were in jail for a yr fighting oyr case, we talked about starting over, and he told me God was gona bring us closer. I belived it. But the day we signed to get out he left me for a girl he cheated on me with the year before. He didnt show any sign he was going to do that, he wrote me letters every week. Front and back pages. We spoke about god and how he wanted to hold me again. I didnt understand why he left me. He started blaming me, saying from the past. I didnt understand where it was all coming from. I stood by his side through the whole thing. I went to jail cuz of his family. After a couple months roll by, i slept with him a few times, and he wrote me on valentines day. But i never responded. And now he doesnt talk to his mom because he says were best friends, he says he hates me. But i dont lniw why. I didnt do anything to him. I feel like he is mad at himself for doing that to me and now is trying to justify it. It makes me upset because he truly believes i ruined the relationship. I know i was a good women to him. And he didnt care. Now he is happy and is doing the things i wanted to do with him. I asked myself in the beginning why her, what did she do that was so much for him. That i didnt do. She only knrw him for a half a year and he left me for her. I dont care about him anymore. But i dont understand why he tells his mom he hates me and doesnt want to talk to her.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 16, 2017 at 11:49 pm

      Hi Rain,

      It looks like it’s an abusive should move on..

  8. Ana

    May 2, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    Good article! I am living a similar situation.
    My boyfriend and I were dating for 11 months, we were close to complete our first year anniversary. During our relationship he was talking about marriage a lot and that he wanted for me to be the motherof his kids, but things were not ok between us lately. From two months now we started fighting a lot, he is that very stubborn guy and I am too, but sometimes he will be very selfish as well. I was there for him at the most difficult time on his life, I would do anything for him. I was there when he wanted to be with his family and friends, but about my friends he told me that he was not capable of be with them because he didn’t like them and most of the time he wouldn’t accept any invitations from my friends. I was very upset and told him that from now on I wouldn’t be with his relatives as well. He started rejecting me and make me feel very pure and one of this days I answered to an ex boyfriend message to go out with him, if I wasn’t upset with my boyfriend I would say no but this time I said yes just to make my boyfriend jealous, but when my ex boyfriend was arriving to pick me out my boyfriend was coming at the same time to talk with me and they ended up meeting. My boyfriend was so upset that he wanted to break up with me right there. I cried a lot and realized that I messed up and was about to loose the love of my life. I asked him to forgive me right there and hugged him crying and told him that I did this only to hurt him regarding his behaviour towards me. He ended up asking me to not repeat that same behaviour ever again and I promised that I would never do it again.
    Things got very strange between us, there were days that things seemed to be very good like the old times but then things got back to the strange feelings he started avoiding spend time with me and every time we were together he wouldn’t stop looking to the watch only to next tell me that he needs to go. I was felling horrible and was crying everyday for not being with him because he started studying a lot and was always busy not having time for us as the old good days. But then I pute myself together and started dating my girlfriends and not waiting for him to say something, and sometimes I was out with my co workers a group of people with men and women. He started being very angry with me and told me that he couldn’t trust me anymore and that he didn’t know if wasn’t meeting my ex boyfriend. We started fighting a lot and I also yelling at him telling him horrible things. He told me that he couldn’t be a real man with me and that I’m always attacking him and broke up with me. I was angry for him breaking the relationship for the second time in 11 months that I told him I didn’t want to see him again. He is meeting his psychologist every week and she is the same age of him, understand all his problems and listen to him (something that I stoped doing due to our fights) I noticed that lately he was enjoying a lot spend time with her.First time he broke up with me he came back to me after 10 days saying that he was missing me, But after him breaking up with from me two weeks ago now I didn’t call him doing the NCr and he didn’t call as well. Because I was silent during the past two weeks I posted a photo on facebook with a girlfriend and he wouldn’t comment or anything like he did in our first break up. Way should I do? This is day 17 of NC

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 3, 2017 at 6:45 pm

      finish at least 30 days.. if the past weeks were not active in improving yourself, restart the count.. and then slowly build rapport after while improving yourself

  9. Genevieve Chavez

    May 2, 2017 at 8:48 pm

    There are a few things I’m struggling with, but I guess the biggest one is that I really miss my ex and feel abandoned. We were definitely one of those couples that had our fair share of fights because we were together every single day, we especially fought on the weekends because I like to stay in and he’s the exact opposite. Basically the Saturday before last I went out with my ex to support his band and after I wanted to go home, he of course didn’t. Long story short, we got into a big, bad, drunk fight (he had a whole bottle of champagne) and he ended it with me after saying some pretty nasty things. We went separate ways that night and I admittedly was being a gnat that night and the next morning. Fed up because he had a history of straight up ignoring me after an argument, putting his phone on airplane mode or blocking my number until he wasn’t mad anymore, I emailed him Sunday asking if this was one of those situations or if he really meant what he had said the night before. I was trying to put my foot down, it backfired and he emailed me saying he’s unhappy and fed up, etc. After saying some awful things to me (including saying I “rely” on him too much), he ended it with saying he’ll pick his stuff up “at a later time” and not to bother calling or texting him because it’ll be a waste of time. I emailed back saying I accepted it and still loved him (I know I shouldn’t have), also asked him to at least talk to me in person when we exchange stuff (also realized I shouldn’t have). Never got a reply and figured out I was blocked on his phone (surprise, surprise) when I tried calling one last time. After I figured this out I immediately went into NC. I had my problems, but overall I feel like I was a loving, supportive girlfriend and he could never fully commit himself to me the three and a half years we were together. What do I do next? I don’t know if I should do 30 or 45 Days of NC, help? Opinions on my situation would be really helpful.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 3, 2017 at 6:40 pm

      try at least 30 days of nc..check this link:
      The Ungettable Girl

  10. Zammy

    February 5, 2017 at 6:20 pm

    OK..good day Chris and everyone at EXBR. My story is quite long. actually my relationship with this guy has been a whack. We dated for 2 months .First, I met him on FB, somehow we got to meet each other. We fell in love. He told me how he adored me and all those stuffs.
    The problem is..dis guy has a history of heartbreak. The 2 ladies he dated got married and left him hrt broken. So, since then he’s been a Casanova until he met me. I’m sure he loves me but something happened..we had sex (unprotected) it was a mistake, we got carried away but after everything..he kinda started regretting it..he felt so bad he started crying..he told me that the last time he did it was with his ex and how he promised himself never to do it again until marriage. He started suspecting dat I was sent by someone to hurt him. Well, d next day I left his house. For a while, he acted nice..he never called but he always picked my call even though he refused to talk abt dat incident. Well, I admit I made a mistake, I kept calling him and he started busying my call. Then he called me and started shouting at me.. Finally he told me he hates me passionately.. Dat hurts because at a point he insisted that he must break my virginity and I yielded.. After keeping it for a long time. I became a text gnat. I sent voice notes on WhatsApp.. Crying and asking him what I did wrong.
    Now, he didn’t block me on WhatsApp and FB like he usually does whenever we have issues. I don’t know if I stand a chance to get him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 5, 2017 at 10:42 pm

      Hi Zammy,

      honestly, he sounds like he’s lying to you and sex was all he wanted.. His reasons were lame.. But I do hope I’m wrong.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

  11. Cams

    February 1, 2017 at 6:21 pm

    Hi Amor, My ex and I broke up about a month ago. He gets angry and hatred at me that the we broke up. He says “I don’t love you anymore, I don’t want to see you” like that. Why he is acting like that so much? I intiate the break up because I felt there’s no spark at all. The time I begged and pleaded him to come back he started to be stubborn. Then I found out that “I’m pregnant” with him. In fact, I don’t want to tell him this situation I don’t want to be a desperate or needy but my friend told him that I was pregnant. He confronted me like “why you don’t tell me? Your friend tell me.” Then he gets angry that he will never come back. I started no contact rule after that incident. When I reached 25 days of no contact rule he is the first one initiate the call and text he started to chat me he says sorry for what he have done, He just care for the baby not our relationship anymore. But I don’t response. Then he suddenly open up the relationship. I don’t response again. After that he asks me “how are you? How’s the baby? Are you taking your check up regularly?” That was time I replied him. About the baby itself no other than but everytime we talked about the baby he always reminded me, He cares for the baby only. Why he is acting like that? I don’t think anything or expecting from him but he always intiate that. Help me pls to get through with his action and behavior.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 2, 2017 at 4:48 pm

      Hi Cams,

      I think that’s it. He cares for the baby but he wants you to move on. Check this one too:
      Here’s How To Get Your “Baby Daddy” Back

  12. Tiphy

    January 31, 2017 at 6:01 pm

    Hi. I felt identified with the article. On Friday, I asked my bf if he was ok, but he answered in a very bad way. I didnt know why or what happened. The whole weekend he called and he apologized in messages as well. I helped him a lot in all his dramas even with money.

    On Monday we talked normally until i saw him online and i asked who he was talking to (sth we usually do to each other) and he exploded and said “with my friend, is that so bad?” I got upset and said a lot of things that made him even angrier and he blocked me. I had the chance to talk to him in person and i told him that bc of his previous behavior we would break up forever. He got even more upset.

    Today Tuesday i texted him a bunch of things on his other phone. He threatened me with blocking me again on that phone. He hasnt done it, but he said he was tired of me 🙁 I ended the conv apologizing and wishing him a good life. He hasnt received the mssg yet. We were in a nice relationship. No fights in a long time… He might be stressed, but treating me like he did is sth i cannot tolerate after all i did for him

    I want him to realize that he hurt me and i plan to go on vacation to apply the NC even better… What do u think?

    1. Tiphy

      February 24, 2017 at 7:53 pm

      Ive stopped tlking to him… i cant deny i miss him a lot….buti understood that when sb leaves u itsbc they dont want u by their side….
      thanks a lot… well be hard but ill do it
      thnks again

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2017 at 8:35 pm

      Moving on is a process.. You’re welcome.

    3. Tiphy

      February 24, 2017 at 3:33 am

      Ok… So Ill just move on… actually, thats what ive been thinking…
      But, what if he tries to reach me? should i act normal or ignore him…

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 24, 2017 at 2:47 pm

      If you really want to move on, stop talking to him. If you can be friends with him and move on at the same time, then talk but if it’s not going to help you, don’t.

    5. Tiphy

      February 23, 2017 at 3:35 am

      He said he wanted to change our texting habits after work… we agreed on a good night message every night and he says that after work he is too busy or too tired to do it… and that he wants to stop texting once we get out of work… we have done that for 3 years, why does he want to change it?

      so i got mad and stopped replying on Saturday… He stopped talking and Tuesday he said we were over when i mentioned the gifts i gave him … we havent talked or seen each other till now

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 23, 2017 at 8:40 pm

      hmm.. that’s like just making the break up slower.. for me you should move on..

    7. Tiphy

      February 21, 2017 at 6:00 pm

      Hi!! I told u id keep you updated 🙂

      Ive been doing no contact and improving myself. I even have a new friend(guy)… Last Saturday and before that, my ex had been texting me and i decided to reply, breaking no contact, on Saturday… he was nice and said he wanted me back but he wanted to change some things in our relationship. I didnt like it and stopped replying and he said bye.

      Today Tuesday i wanted to remind him of a gift i gave him. I sent him a messge just to talk and he answered angrily and said we were so over and that the past is sthg that shouldnt be mentioned between us. I think he misunderstood the objective of my message and the gifst haha… Anyway, he threatened with blocking me. I apologized and stopped writing.

      I was on a 21 day no contact. Should I go on a 30-day or because of all the things he said i should move on and dont even try to get him back?

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 22, 2017 at 8:34 pm

      what was the change he said that you don’t want?

    9. Tiphy

      February 11, 2017 at 3:23 am

      Thanks… Ill continue w no contact…

      However, whatever happens i dont care anymore… i dont even know if i want him back … he doesnt care… why should I? With his words he showed me he is not interested anymore …

      Thanks for the help given so far… ill improve myself in all senses, and keep you updated… hugs

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 11, 2017 at 5:51 pm

      you’re welcome Tiphy! I really do hope the best for you

    11. Tiphy

      February 10, 2017 at 11:31 pm

      After i wrote the last mssg here i saw him face to face and he said hi i answered back … when leaving he said it wasnt necessary for us to stop talking and that i could send him a mssg whenever i wanted to… i looked at him and he said that we were better off this way separated but that i could talk to him whenever i wanted to… i answered that we were better off without talking, he said it was up to me…

      His “we r better off this way” sent me to the friendzone and i think i wont even try to get him back if he doesnt love me anymore… why trying?

    12. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 10, 2017 at 11:45 pm

      you’re emotional right now.. hurt.. withhold making decisions because you’re not that rational.. it’s ok that it hurts..acknowledge it.. but better if you dont make any steps or decisions now..

    13. Tiphy

      February 10, 2017 at 7:10 pm

      Ive just discovered i was added back, but he hasnt texted me or anything and i hvnt either … ive been running into him these dqys and i cant even say hi or greet him as i do w the rest of the ppl. today we saw each other face to face and he turned his face to one side not to say hi… that broke me in pieces…

      im doing ok applying no contact i guess plus living my life normally but i cant say what he does its not hurting me…

    14. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 10, 2017 at 11:27 pm

      it probably hurts him too.. but this is for the better, and I know it’s hard but don’t forget to leverage nc by improving yourself

    15. Tiphy

      February 6, 2017 at 5:24 am

      Help, please! Im about to have a heart attack… so i couldnt go on vacation from work… He blocked me on whatsapp and two days later he unblocked me…

      I tried to understand why he broke up w me and he said our relationship was toxic!(we hadnt had fights in a long time, i dont get it) i blocked him on whatsapp on Friday bc of this and i still could see his profile pic but tonight i discovered he had deleted my phone number… Im not blocked though I feel awful…

      Why do u think he did it? We hvnt talkd since Friday… He broke up w me on Monday… Should i cntinue w NC? Should I unblock him n delete him as well? Thx 4 reading…

    16. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 6, 2017 at 2:35 pm

      no dont, just let him be and continue being active because that’s still a good sign that he’s still affected by you

    17. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 1, 2017 at 11:12 am

      Hi Tiphy,

      yeah, I think both of you need space..

  13. Awkward

    January 28, 2017 at 10:26 am

    It has been almost two months of no contact after breakup and I bumped into him. It was bound to happen we live in the same complex. My puppy which he gave to me ran towards him and I stood shook looked the other way and once they were done bonding I called my puppy to come back and that was it. I know was I wrong for not confronting or saying hi he broke up with me and it was bad. If I do see him again what should I do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 28, 2017 at 3:17 pm

      Hi Awkward,

      smile and hi..just be polite and civil

  14. Amanda

    January 26, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    Amor, he finally came over today to see our kids. He has to bc im nursing our newborn and he’s not on a feeding schedule. He didn’t speak to me at all. I tried to make small talk and he was unresponsive except maybe 2-3 words. He got some clothes and left after being here for about 45 min. I asked if we could talk and he said he wasn’t there to talk just to see the kids and said maybe some other time. What should I do now? I felt really hurt when he left. Should I forget trying to talk about our relationship and continue with no contact. He said he would come tomorrow to see the kids but idk if I can keep having him come over and it be like this without talking. It hurts a lot and I don’t want to prod him to talk to me and be rejected as I was today. I really do love him and I’ve tried hard.

    1. Amanda

      January 27, 2017 at 6:10 pm

      Armor, thank you. I will try to do just that if and when he comes back. By doing so do you think he will think I’m not interested in working things out? He hasn’t contacted me since yesterday. I had apologized for brining things up. His mom keeps telling him he needs to come home and figure things out but he’s unresponsive to her when he does. Idk if her pushing will backfire

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 28, 2017 at 12:14 pm

      well, you’ve shown care and interest in him when he came and he didnt care right? I know it hurts but if he truly cares or wants to talk to you, he should’ve when you were being kind..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 27, 2017 at 11:49 am

      do a limited contact..only talk about the kids if needed.. when he comes over, dont initiate small talk.. start a routine that helps you bounce back emotionally and physically and that only involves him as a co parent

  15. Amanda

    January 25, 2017 at 6:05 am

    My ex text me telling me he wants to see our kids. He’s been gone a week and not asked for them but now has. Should I let him
    See them? I’m hurt and upset that we just had our son 2 weeks ago and he’s lost a week with him. I feel like he doesn’t deserve to see them after leaving us. Should I? I feel like it will make things worse if I dont

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2017 at 3:29 pm

      Hi Amanda,

      yes, you should..

  16. Amanda

    January 23, 2017 at 6:58 pm

    I have tried to ask my ex to help at our kids appt today and all he offered was to watch our daughter he didn’t realize she had an appt. I explained and he ignored that. He will not respond to me at all when I bring up possibly talking about our situation and has seldom replied when it involves our kids especially with our new born son. He seems very disinterested in us. It hurts to say the least bc he knows how much he’s needed here. This wed will be a week that he hasn’t been here. Idk what else to do. I’ve tried minimal contact but he doesn’t even seem concerned about our kids. It’s not like him and the only thing I haven’t done fully is no contact. Maybe I should just leave him be completely and not contact him at all about anything? I’ve only contacted minimally mostly about our kids. He knows I want to fix things but when he left a week ago he told me he no longer wanted a relationship and I took it as heat of the moment and tried not to read too much into it but I fear this is set in stone. I’ve tried praying and talking to friends and family to get my mind off this all but in the few moments my kids are busy are asleep my mind is flooded with so much uncertainty. I need advice on what my next move should be

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 12:50 pm

      I agree that you should do a full no contact now.. It’s very apparent that he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. That’s ok. I know it hurts but for me, eventually he will talk to you because of the kids. He’s probably doing this because he wants you to move on. Start a new routine with the kids that doesn’t involve him. SO, that if he wants to co-parent, it would be easier to adjust. Rather than depend on him. Improve yourself. Heal and take your time to heal.

  17. Amanda

    January 23, 2017 at 5:54 pm

    Hi Amor, he left our son’s insurance card outside of his parents where he’s been for the last week for me to pick up today. I was going to try to talk to him face to face but ended up just getting my son’s insurance card and leaving. His parents were home at that time and I felt like it would be very awkward. He’s always tried to go to our kids appts when he’s able. I let him know the time of the appt and told him if he wanted to go he could. I got no response to that. It’s not like him to not ask about the kids or go to appts. I’m
    Worried he’s seeing someone else. Idk if that’s just my thoughts getting the best of me. I feel like it may be hopeless. All of his clothes and other things are still at my house and he’s yet to ask for them or come get them which I think is odd.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 12:50 pm

      I agree that you should do a full no contact now.. It’s very apparent that he doesn’t want to talk to you anymore. That’s ok. I know it hurts but for me, eventually he will talk to you because of the kids. He’s probably doing this because he wants you to move on. Start a new routine with the kids that doesn’t involve him. SO, that if he wants to co-parent, it would be easier to adjust. Rather than depend on him. Improve yourself. Heal and take your time to heal.

  18. Amy

    January 22, 2017 at 2:48 pm

    What if by being happy and active during the no contact not make him want me, but make him hate me more for not feeling sad over the break up? Bcs thats what im feeling right now. I feel like he’s upset im enjoying myself. It was him who wanted to break up. Is it a good thing to make him mad though

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2017 at 2:35 pm

      Hi Amy,

      is that good that he wants you to be sad? I think you should check this one:
      Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule

  19. molly

    January 22, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    Hello Chris why i can`t see my comment ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2017 at 1:52 pm

      Hi molly, I think it’s because your comment wasnt approved yet when you checked

  20. Rose

    January 21, 2017 at 5:50 am

    Hi chris,
    Great article! Me and my ex been together since high school. We been together for 7 years and split November 2016. In February I left to work in Philadelphia for two months. When I got back home my ex told me he met someone but she was just a friend( which came out to be his coworker) I didn’t freak out until I seen texts in his phone between the two. When I seen the texts I confronted him and I Left him alone and didn’t communicate with him for a few weeks. He came by my job to tell me if we were going to work it out I would have to put behind me what he has done and he will put behind what I have done. I responded with anger and told I can’t becuase everyday while he works he will see her. Things got out of hands after that. I broke the no contact rule several times up until July. We bumped into each other and we talked but it ended with pointing the finger at each other and bringing the past up. He also said I didn’t change. I called him the next day and he responded with a text saying he didn’t ever want to speak with me and has nothing to say to me. I backed off finally and reflected because I made mistakes and since we lived together at the time we made our relationship work. He’s very close to my brothers and he told one of them he didn’t know where he and I went wrong but with his new gf it was different. Another time he went by my brothers house and asked my sister what I been up to. I get mixed feelings when they finally tell me things and sometimes I want to reach out but I learned not to react so quickly like before. There’s days I still can’t believe we are over. Thank you for the articles they really do help!

    1. Rose

      January 23, 2017 at 8:26 pm

      Hi Amor,
      I do want him back but it just seems as if I really can’t do anything but keep myself active in things I can control. I’m discouraged too becuase from what I hear she’s been really helping him a lot. It just seems hopeless at this point she will still be the one he chooses. He’s hasn’t been coming by anymore since November. Thanks for responding back Amor!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 1:30 pm

      that’s right.. Be active in posting because normally, he would be curious about you and that’s the only thing he can check to know what you’ve been doing.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 22, 2017 at 3:54 pm

      Hi Rose,

      I’m going to forward this to Chris..Thank you! what’s your plan? do you still want him back?

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