You have broken up with your ex-boyfriend and are probably wondering if he is thinking about you, whether he misses you, if has he forgotten you and why he hasn’t text you.
You might be questioning why he is acting strange and considering if it is pointless to even try to get your ex back. Things are rarely pointless and to explain why this article is going to talk you through it

  • Your situation
  • The emotional roller coaster
  • How men deal with breakups

When a couple breaks up, it is a confusing and painful time for both parties but more often than not one person is left suffering more, and that is the first area we are going to talk about.

Your situation

There are three key factors involved in identifying if your ex-boyfriend is still thinking about you and to what extent.

The first is how long you were together, it might seem obvious but the longer you were together the more he is going to think about you after a breakup.

If you were with someone for several years, then your ex will miss you more than a relationship that lasted only a few weeks.

That’s not to say your ex will not miss you at all if you had a brief relationship, however you should be mindful that a sense of infatuation is easier to overcome than deeper feelings of love.

The next important factor to talk about is who initiated the breakup. Generally speaking, the breakup is easier for the person who initiated the breakup.
This is due to a number of different reasons.

  • They accepted the idea of being alone BEFORE the breakup.
  • They are less invested in the relationship than the other party, hence the breakup.
  • They likely have other distractions such as work or school that contributed to the breakup.

I would say there is perhaps one exception where your ex may miss you more than you miss him even if they initiated the breakup….. this exception is if you were caught cheating on them.
If this is the case your ex-boyfriend will miss you but those feeling will also be tainted with anger and hurt by what has happened.

The final factor in establishing if your ex is thinking about you is how long it has been since the breakup.

Your no-contact period will do wonders to make your ex miss you…. This is because you actually have to disappear for someone to miss you, you don’t miss people when you hear from them all the time.

At the start of your no-contact period your ex will not miss you much but as you progress towards the end he will miss you and think about you more and more.

We know on average it takes an ex-boyfriend around 60 days to get over a breakup. Your ex will tend to think about you the most around the 21-45 day mark after the breakup. For this reason, the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery plan recommends you do around 21-45 days no contact. Beyond that point in time, the closer you get to the 60-day point the less your ex is going to be thinking about you.

After 60 days your ex is likely to be over the breakup but you can re-attract him back to you, there is still a possibility that you can win him back.

Now that we have discussed the rough magnitudes of scale when it comes to your ex-boyfriend missing you, I want to move on to the next area which explains how his thoughts and feelings towards you will change as time passes

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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The Emotional Rollercoaster

Recently I touched on the concept of being on an emotional roller coaster after a breakup. This idea is based upon something called the Kubler-Ross curve of grief.

After a breakup a person experiences similar feelings of loss as grieving, so using this is particularly relevant to a breakup scenario.

When a couple breaks-up both people go through the same spectrum of emotions in the same order as can be seen in the diagram below.

This diagram shows the whole range of feelings a person goes through during a breakup.

There are 7 different feelings your ex-boyfriend will go through, each with its own unique set of characteristics. Sometimes a person can flip flop between the boundaries of stages but a person would never go from the end of the roller coaster to the beginning again.

Shock

This is a feeling of numbness or a kind of emotional paralysis where a person might not feel anything other than a sense of surprise. It can last from a few hours to a few days.

Denial

This is that period soon after the breakup where you convince yourself that everything is fine and that the situation will go back to normal, perhaps you think that your ex will pick up the phone and ask to get back together as though it was only a misunderstanding. You may even avoid telling people about your breakup in-case the situation is remedied quickly.

Anger/Blame

Not everyone experiences anger or blame on the emotional rollercoaster but it is common.

This can either be anger at your ex or with yourself. During this stage, an ex-boyfriend can sulk or lash out at you or other people, often with a subsequent apology. It is usually paired with finding ways to blame you for causing the break-up…. Often stating you drove him to break up with you by something you did.

This stage of anger and blame can last a couple of weeks or more and there are several articles on the website to help you deal with an angry ex-boyfriend.

Bargaining

This is the time after the breakup where you try to cut a deal with your ex. Perhaps you promise them you will change and things will be different.

This usually manifests itself with begging or pleading.

Sometimes this might even be bargaining with yourself or God or fate that your breakup is temporary.

Depression/Regret

This stage involves an overwhelming sense of sadness and loneliness as you would expect and is a normal part of a breakup. It is now, that your ex-boyfriend realizes the magnitude of the situation and the breakup.

This stage also involves feelings of guilt and regret for the things that may have been said or done before or after the breakup. Often a person will wish they had done things differently and long for an opportunity to turn back the clock.

The stage of depression and regret is the point at which your ex-boyfriend will miss you and think about you the most. It usually occurs around the 21-45 day mark and coincides with the end of your no-contact period.

Trying to move on

This is the point at which a person starts to experiment with being single, they start to feel ready to recommence a new life. This might involve taking up a new hobby, making new friends, finding a new job etc.
This stage is about figuring out what life is supposed to look like now you are single again.

Acceptance

The last stage of the emotional rollercoaster is acceptance. At this point, your ex-boyfriend will realize that life is probably not going to be the same again but has hope that life will be ok.

Now there are some slight differences in the roller coaster depending on who ended the relationship. The stages of shock and denial come before the breakup for the initiator and if your ex broke up with you…. that means him.

Why is this?….. Well before someone breaks up with you, they tend to think about it for days, weeks even months beforehand, just to make sure they are 100% certain they want to end the relationship. This means that if your ex was the one to break up with you, the shock factor of the breakup isn’t there and the denial stage has often been surpassed as they tried to make the relationship work before leaving…… It makes sense when you think about it.

When you look at where your ex (blue line) is on this second chart compared to you (orange line), you will see that he has already started the rollercoaster before you broke up and you are in fact trailing behind him.

Don’t worry because this is not a problem, men and women tend to heal at a different pace but things eventually synchronize up. Try not to panic that your ex seems to be racing away, as you will soon catch up.

How men deal with breakups

Many of you might be wondering if your ex is thinking about you and going through an emotional roller coaster as he seems fine.

A man’s way of coping with a breakup is different to how a woman would deal with it.

You might be considering how he can appear to move on so fast after your breakup…..It may surprise you to hear that even if your ex appears to be moving on extremely quickly, he is still thinking about you.

Here is a list of the different methods men will use to try and get over a breakup. Pay close attention as they can help you identify where about your ex-boyfriend is in the recovery process.

Sulking

A lot of you will find this really frustrating and wonder why your ex-boyfriend can’t just communicate like an adult.

Men aren’t encouraged to talk out their problems and deal with how they are feeling. Men learn that the “done thing” is to bottle it up and internally manage their problems.

Often it can seem like your ex is over the breakup because they are ignoring you. In fact, the act of ignoring someone is a sign of anger. Holding onto a grudge is an active decision that takes energy and as such, that means your ex still has feelings for you.

Is it a bad thing that your ex is holding a grudge?…… Well, it’s obviously not ideal but the fact your ex is actively holding a grudge means he still has feelings for you and is thinking about you.

When someone is over a breakup they have no unresolved feelings, they feel indifferent, it is indifference that is the opposite of love…. So in a weird way, sulking is a sign he still cares.

Silence

When women go through a break up they have an amazing group of friend’s that they can call on for advice and support.

For men it’s a little different, at best they might be able to confide in their best friend. The advice he will receive is most likely to be to move on, especially if it has been more than a couple of weeks after the breakup.

Occasionally men will seek advice from their female friends but again this does not last beyond the first couple of weeks generally

For a man, there is a need to maintain their sense of masculinity and an appearance of self-control after the breakup. This limits the level of advice and support an ex-boyfriend can call upon after a breakup, because of this your ex-boyfriend may have to endure the breakup in relative silence.

Not being able to work through the breakup actually makes it HARDER for your ex-boyfriend to move on and stop thinking about you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Stubbornness

Even if your ex-boyfriend is thinking about you constantly that doesn’t necessarily mean he is going to contact you.

Why?….. there are several reasons.

Your ex will not want to look weak and reach out first.

He wants you to chase him

He has made a decision and feels he needs to stick to it

He doesn’t think you have changed

Rather than contact you, an ex-boyfriend is more likely to sit and wait for you to text him and wonder why you are not chasing after him during the no-contact period.

Exercising His Freedom

After a breakup you might see your ex-boyfriend turn into a party animal. It may seem like he is having the time of his life, maybe he is out drinking all the time and hanging out with girls.

Your ex does this to prove to you that he can have a great time as a single guy, the problem is that your ex-boyfriend will quickly discover that partying all the time will not help him to overcome how he feels after the breakup.

Exercising his freedom serves a few purposes, it helps him prove that you have no control over him, it can also be used to make you jealous or even hurt your feelings.
A man tends to exercise his freedom the most in the lead up to the depression stage. This is because the permanence of his singledom has not yet set-in and he has not felt the full force of loss after the breakup.

 

Lashing out

You may well find your ex-boyfriend lashing out at you after the breakup, being mean or saying hurtful things.

This can also include your ex being mean, hurtful or aggressive towards other people in his life.

This lashing out is caused by an inability to effectively deal with floods of emotions, and eventually, the stress of this bubbles over into arguments and fighting.

An ex-boyfriend is mostly likely to lash out at you or other people between the stages of denial and depression.

Beards and underpants

I know it can sound like a bit of a cliché but women can eat chocolate and ice cream when they are sad. They can go get a manicure, or talk things through with their friends. Women can have a make-over or indulge in a bit of retail therapy…. All fantastic ways to make you feel better when you are depressed.

The male equivalent of this is growing a beard and sitting at home in underpants watching TV. This is another way to both exercise freedom from your control as you aren’t around to nag him anymore.

The beards and underpants stage can also be a sign that he is struggling to look after himself without you and is feeling depressed.

The beards and underpants behavior can occur right up to and including the depression and regret stage.

Ego Boosting

After a breakup a man’s ego takes a bit of bashing and a man will want some female validation to lift his ego, this is to make him feel attractive and like a man again. This can range from flirting online with lots of girls to one night stands or rebound relationships.

If your ex-boyfriend is talking to other girls and dating again this can often be a sign of missing you.

Your ex may be using other girls as a way to distract himself from thinking about you and also to lift his spirits now he doesn’t have you around anymore. If your ex has a new girlfriend within the six weeks of your breakup then this is most likely to be a rebound relationship.

These tend to be short-lived, during his rebound your ex will hit pause on the rollercoaster ride of emotions as the new girl will act as a temporary distraction but once the rebound is over your ex will return to the roller coaster.

Will your ex still think about you when he is with the new girl?…. yes, everything she does will be compared to you, in fact having a rebound can actually make your ex miss you MORE.

Working out

Hitting the gym is often a guy’s go-to coping mechanism when trying to get his life back on track. It’s a good way to work off those feelings of anger, sadness, and loneliness.

If your ex is spending a lot of time in the gym then it is likely that he is missing you. Going the gym helps improve his self-esteem and boost his ego whilst also providing a useful distraction from his feelings. Working out tends to happen after the depression stage and last right through until the end of the rollercoaster.

What Does It All Mean

It’s reasonable to say that your ex is thinking about you after your breakup. The more interesting questions are “How much is he missing me?” and “When is he thinking about me?”.

The best place to start figuring out the answers is by thinking about how long you were together, how long you have been apart and who initiated the breakup. This should help you establish how much he misses you.

To figure out when he thinks about you, have a look at the emotional rollercoaster and try to guess where he is. If you are struggling look at how men deal with breakups to get an indication of where he might me in the recovery process. This will give you a good indication of when he is thinking about you and how is feeling about you right now.

What to Read Next

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60 thoughts on “Is My Ex-Boyfriend Thinking About Me?”

  1. Avatar

    LISA L LONG

    April 12, 2020 at 2:41 am

    Thank you so very much for your help and support. Losing a boyfriend is hard.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2020 at 7:07 pm

      Hi Lisa thank you for your comment, it can be hard but know you deserve to be happy and focus on yourself and you will be feeling better in no time <3

  2. Avatar

    Melissa Williams

    February 25, 2020 at 11:12 pm

    My fiancee and were high school sweet heart for 1 years and we split, and 3 years after he got married. Before his divorce was final he decided to come back to our home land. We ended up dating again because he never fell out of love with me, whe started to get intimate and when his divorce was finalized we got pregnant with the little girl he want from me from years back(at the time we weren’t intimate though). Upon getting pregnant he left me but quickly came back(he get the pregnancy symptoms and I dont). We were together until 2 years after he got jealousy of someone I spoke to as just a friend. It took 6 weeks for him to take me back. Since then today we have never had drama just disagreements and quickly got over it all.

    2 weeks ago from today my dad threw him out disrespectfully and insulted my boyfriend, bearing in mind that my boyfriend was his right hand man. Now because of how my father treated him he wants nothing to do with me and I found iut 2 day after this drama that i am pregnant. He wants me to get rid of it and up to the day before the drama he wanted a child by me.

    Me and our daughter now cries because it is hurtful that he only comes for her to carry her to school and gives me money to help with her.

    Up to today I happen to was into and icecream parlor and he was in there sitting I just and said good morning never expect he would be there. He is eyes started to fill with water as he was already sad when I saw him.
    He says to me a week after the break up it was because I never wanted to leave my dad’s house before. I tried to leave since the break up but he doesn’t want me to leave my dads place he want me to humble and stay with my dad and make things good between my dad and I.

    I love my fiancee and I miss him dearly, we were going to get married and so forth.
    Now he wants no connection with me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 3, 2020 at 9:49 pm

      Hi Melissa. Read the program and apply the information to your situation, I would also try to explain to your father how you feel

  3. Avatar

    Ashley

    July 19, 2019 at 5:42 pm

    My boyfriend and I dated for 2 years :/ he broke up with me over text and told me things were no longer the same. I continued to text him for a few days after the breakup and he told me he doesn’t want me out of his life and he will always have love for me in his heart and continued to tell me that he wants me as his best friend.. a couple days later he was with another girl. It’s been a month now and he is still with the girl and we have not spoken besides one message I sent him that he never responded too. I just wonder how he seems perfectly fine while I’m still hurting over it.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 19, 2019 at 8:03 pm

      Hi Ashley….sometimes an ex can give that appearance that everything is just fine. But often it’s not and they are masking their feelings or are in some form of denial. What matters is if you have an sensible ex recovery plan. Take a look at my complete Program I call, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Bundle”

  4. Avatar

    Samantha

    June 17, 2019 at 10:55 pm

    Hello,

    My ex-boyfriend and I are 45. We had fulfilling and kind amorous relationship for over a year. For many months, there was something truly beautiful between us with an emotional and physical connection that I have not had before.

    Then he lost his job. He sobbed when he told me because he said he would have to move and would have to leave me. Our relationship did not change for about 6 weeks, until he went for job interviews on the other side of the country.
    On February 28th, upon his return from a job interview, he turned off our emotional connection. There was a radical switch, and yet he wanted me with him constantly.

    He ended up taking a job three hours away, which I feel is doable. He hates his new job. We talk every night, but he does not text anymore. He does not say he misses me. The last two times I went for the weekend, we had no physical contact and he was cold (except when he was sleeping with his arms tight around me.) He is experiencing some sexual issues and is depressed. (We have already covered this topic in detail and he has been to the dr.)

    Our relationship has been declining rapidly. He has been saying that we are in a visitorship, and not a relationship. He has not given me an answer to my suggestions for upcoming weekends together. He has been increasingly colder. He is talking about quitting this job and moving again, quite far away.

    He is suffering in his current job, but now I am suffering. I tried everything to be supportive and salvage the beautiful thing we had, to no avail. I have been so sad.

    So, I told him that this relationship is not making me happy anymore. I am not getting what I need: attention, affection, and an emotional connection. I reminded him that I have been unwavering in my love for him, but that I want to be happy. I can not wake up in the morning with my first thought being for someone, or got to bed with my last thought of the day being for someone who is not « in. »

    He replied that his job is terrible. He is stressed. He is depressed. He said that there is only so much of him, and that he can’t be on all fronts. I replied that I am very sorry to hear that, but I need to be happy and we should call it a day. There is no way I can convince him, or coerce him, or influence him, or charm him into giving me the little bit that I need.

    When we were done our talk he asked
    « So are you coming here this weekend? »
    Wait what?

    So, I went through it all again…this relationship is not making me happy anymore despite the love I feel for him and that we should call it a day. He said that losing his job and moving got it the way. He said our relationship was truly wonderful while it lasted.

    I love him. He cares for me, I’m sure of that. But I will not be in a relationship that has made me increasingly unhappy over the past 4 months.

    So, my question for you is: is there a chance that he may miss me enough to make the effort to try to get back the connection we had?

    And, did he actually end it with me in his mind all the way back in February, but let this drag on until I ended it officially?
    If so, who broke up with whom? Who is the orange line and who is blue? Where are we each on the chart?

    Thank you

    Samanths

  5. Avatar

    Saba

    June 10, 2019 at 1:22 am

    Hi,

    My bf and I were together for 8 months before he suddenly broke up with me. The relationship was full of ups and downs and miscommunication from both sides. It was a very loving relationship but had some not so pretty moments. It was ultimately a very minor issue that lead to the breaking point. I was under the impression it was just another fight and I had gotten heated and said some harsh things. Throughout the final argument he was still trying to keep us together and tell me it was minor. The next day when I cooled down and wanted to talk it over he said “I thought you said you were done?” And he was done. Cut all ties and said it was over. It’s been two months and he hasn’t reached out at all. He was always the one trying to make it work and saying everything was good we were fine. Our families had met and it was leading up to marriage. It was such a shock to my heart to watch him walk away. He used to say “once a relationship is over, I never go back”.
    Can I assume it’s over for good?

  6. Avatar

    Sab

    June 10, 2019 at 1:19 am

    Hi,

    My bf and I were together for 8 months before he suddenly broke up with me. The relationship was full of ups and downs and miscommunication from both sides. It was ultimately a very minor issue that lead to the breaking point. I was under the impression it was just another fight and I had gotten heated and said some harsh things. Throughout the final argument he was still trying to keep us together and tell me it was minor. The next day when I cooled down and wanted to talk it over he said “I thought you said you were done?” And he was done. Cut all ties and said it was over. It’s been two months and he hasn’t reached out at all. He was always the one trying to make it work and say everything was good we were fine. It was such a shock to my heart to watch him walk away. He used to say “once a relationship is over, I never go back”.

  7. Avatar

    Florence

    May 5, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    My boyfriend and I split up 2 months ago after 3 years together. We have been in contact regularly since the break up but no progress in terms of getting back together. Is it too late to start NC? Has he had his 60 days to get over me already or will he now need to break habbit of contact with me so worth starting? I have your book but am confused on this point.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2019 at 4:02 am

      Hi Florence! Sometimes it best to change one’s strategy if things are not working out. You say you have been in regular contact but things are not progressing. I think employing No Contact and do all the things I discuss in my Program for yourself and for the relationship is a good course of action.

  8. Avatar

    Beth

    April 24, 2019 at 7:51 am

    I’m coming up to 5 weeks of being broken up with and immediately did the NC rule, he still hasn’t texted me. During this time he has illegally (we r still in high school) gotten drunk and vaped – partied heaps. He has also flirted with these three girls that were always trouble within our relationship; he also used to say he didn’t like them and is now super close with them and flirts with them; and has done it infront of me. I’m just really confused because the day of and days before we broke up he seemed more into me than ever and we were so so happy together. When we broke up he told me it was because I was too controlling, but I believe I wasn’t – I just got weird whenever he talked to one of those three girls because of previous issues. I would love to have him back but I don’t know if he’s into me or not? And he still hadn’t texted me ://

  9. Avatar

    Pauline

    April 15, 2019 at 10:34 am

    Hi, My ex bf split up with me 2 wks ago. He moved to London 3 months ago after living with me for 4-5 months (we had an argument so he left and moved to London) we got bk together as he was saying we could work things out. He recently got a job in London and now its hard. So just over 2 wks ago he stayed with me before starting his job anyways his plan was to stay till the wkend but he also had plans to see his mate in a dif city. So work phoned to start work early so he went back to London. I spoke to him that night and was asking him will he be going to see his mate the wkend and he sed prob so I thought well can you come see me before him obviously it went to a heated argument I was saying your not bothered, I shouldn’t be asking u to come see me u should want to see me, do u actually want to be with me. Then because I moan a lot and he just got bk to London he said Ive only just bk to London after seeing you and your already arguing, maybe its best we leave it.
    So I replied don’t ever call me again. and now I aint spoke to him.
    He has been going out clubbing every wkend but he hasn’t put it on social media ive seen it through his mates. He can make an effort to go out with his mates but not see me.
    Do you think he moved on and enjoying his single life? Is he actually thinking of me after 6 years of being together?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 15, 2019 at 2:25 pm

      HI Pauline….so its not easy for anyone to just leave six years in the back of their mind. Take look at my Program as to how to proceed!

  10. Avatar

    Els

    April 7, 2019 at 4:50 pm

    My boyfriend of 7 months broke up with me a week ago. Somewhere in October last year I tested as always and found out I was HIV positive. He lived 3 hours away from me but we would see each other at least once to two times a month. We were pretty much in love and had no problems. In November when he visited I told him about my status and even asked him to go for a test. He told me he was afraid but will go when he is ready. He was stressed but I thought he was gonna be fine. In December he visited and looked fine. We were not intimate as his leg was painful due to the incident I knew of not knowing that he has started of being afraid to be intimate with me. I did not suspect anything as I trusted him. In January he told me he wasn’t taking all that well and he decided we should take a break, we kept on having conversations during the break. In the beginning of March this year he got employment and moved to another province, I thought he everything was fine until he told me he tested and was negetive. Later that day he texted me saying he’s sorry his heart is no longer in our relationship. I was hurt by that and called him back, suggested that he educated himself more about the virus and asked him to meet up the following weekend and said he will get back to me. The following day I decided to call him and he did not answer, sent him texts but still did not get back to me. I’m left with answered questions of whether he did love me or not or whether he’s sad about this whole ordeal. Should I continue trying to get hold of him as I’m worried and still love him or not.

  11. Avatar

    Amber

    February 5, 2019 at 4:02 am

    I dated my first love (boyfriend) 30 years ago. I was 18 and he was 22 we were inseparable for 4 years. He asked me to marry him and I said yes, however my parents came the day I was going to run off with him and picked me up and took me to another state. Four years later he got married and had kids and I got married as well and had kids. He was never happy in his relationship because he said he always thought about me and never got over me. He divorced after 12 years of marriage and had 3 children, the youngest one is 11 years old. We just found each other about 5 months ago by coincidence which I think it was destiny after 30 years. I was also married and with 3 kids but not happy at all, I wanted out of my 21 year marriage. When he came into my life 5 months ago he helped me get out of my marriage. He gave me strength and advice. I got the courage and filed for divorce right away. My first love and I met up 4 months into the relationship. While talking, texting and meeting up it seemed just like old times we picked up where we left off. He was so in love with me and I loved him too, however he never could understand why at 22 years of age I did not stand up for him and waited for him, why did I go with my parents. I told him out of respect there was nothing I could do. He shared with me that he went crazy drinking everyday and fighting he did not care. I can only apologize. Well when we met up we had 2 wonderful days together and we continued to communicate by phone. I have moved out from my home with my youngest son 17 and would like to continue with my first love. However, he is divorced (10 years) however he still lives under the same roof with his EX and 11 year old son. I’ve asked him to move but he says he can’t because of his son. I do believe that it’s because of his son, there is nothing going on with his EX and him (it’s not his word only but friends in his town that I’ve known have shared with me) that they are not a family. Well, since the beginning he said the time was not right because he can’t leave the house until his son turns 13 and is older to decide if he wants to live with him or his mom. We had talked about being together in 2 years and he asked me if I would help take care of his son if he lived with us. Of course I would. However a week and a half ago we quit talking because I get sad, jealous and can’t understand why he has to be in that situation. He said he was only hurting me because everytime we talked I would either start crying, get mad or start questioning. I told him that my love was still there and he said he has always loved me that love was not the problem, the problem is the time like he said 5 months ago. I got so upset that I said do not call me or text me because you are only hurting me. He said if that is what you want ok. Well, he has not tried to call or text but I’m so depress and wished I would of never said that. I know that he doesn’t want to see me hurt and that he was going to continue texting and calling at least once a week, which would have been fine because we needed to get to know each other better. Also, my divorce will not be final until 2 more months so I need time for me. I think we rushed into the relationship but we wanted to see each other after 30 years. When together our love has not changed we are still the same. He said he never got over me, named his daughter after me and remembered that we promised that we would be together one day even if we were old. However, the time is not right because he has to be there for his son. What can I do for him to call me or text me. We have so much history together and he shares details of everything we did together as well as places we visited. He says he will never forget because we were meant to be together. I don’t understand why we are not talking and if he loves me why doesn’t he take the first step? I’m trying to do the No Contact and I’m on day 12th. Do you think he has forgotten me? When we talked these last 5 months we talked about everything and 4-5 times a day.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      February 6, 2019 at 1:34 am

      He definitely has not forgotten you and stay true to your NC and pick up my 485 page eBook if you have not already so you understand all faucets of how to implement NC and all the rest.

  12. Avatar

    Lynette

    January 6, 2019 at 10:31 pm

    My ex-boyfriend and I enjoyed a loving relationship for a few months, and we have made plans for the future. He suddenly broke up with me after getting angry over (what I thought was) a small matter. He could be projecting memories of his ex-wife onto me.

    He has since been in one rebound relationship (one week after breakup) and he has also called me ‘by mistake’ (one month after breakup / two weeks after no contact).

    The delusional me thinks he misses me but is too proud to ask for reconciliation. The sensible me reminds myself that he’s failed in two major relationships, including going through an acrimonious divorce, so he may not miss me.

    Are divorced men more adept at getting over breakups?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 7, 2019 at 4:47 am

      Hi Lynette! It seems he was rather impulsive and you may be right that he has some demons chasing around in his mind. Past history is usually predictive of the future. So every guy is different, whether they have dealt with divorce or not. So you may want to continue with NC, focusing on your healing and needs. You will have more time later to reflect more deeply whether you wish to invest more in trying to get him back considering recent developments and past history.

  13. Avatar

    Namrata

    October 22, 2018 at 7:40 am

    Hi, this is the 3rd time that my boyfriend and I are breaking up in the last 1years and 10 months. 1st time we decided it to be mutual but we got back in 2 months, 2nd time we fought and decided to break off over call but got back after 7 weeks of NC and this time it was really really bad. I said nasty things in anger and then he said nasty things. We were arguing a lot already. This time we broke off over chat. We have known each other for 3 years before we got together and we were good friends for those 3 years. I can understand that all that he said was out of anger though it still hurts. I don’t mind talking to him but I am scared that he may not talk to me. What should I do? Is he thinking about me? We used to meet 2-3 times a week and talk atleast for a couple of hrs on and off during the day and we had some set patterns of doing things. I am more of a pattern person and he was more of a spontaneous person. I was the more insecure person in the relationship and this always put me on the edge and I was always questioning things he didn’t do or do. Would that have irritated him to this extent? Do you think he thinks of me? Would he be regretting all the nasty things he said to me in anger? Because I am regretting. Why can’t I see him hurting like I am? I just want to know if he is thinking about me.

  14. Avatar

    Haway

    October 9, 2018 at 12:10 pm

    ogized and others he is wrong an apologize.
    First year we were fighting a lot , but later we know each other better so fighting with each other not much as before .
    Latterly he was sick a lot of time , and i was supporting him when he’s feeling down , no job or anything he do in his life now , we wish he will be ok one day , it’s not a big issue but he can’t over it .
    We was so good until i feel so bored from everything , i was so stressed out from all things in my life.
    My work , my family , his state,my insecurities that he may be not interested in me as before, i was extremely affraid he may be in a real depression one day ,my concern that we don’t see or talk to each other as before lately , i told him all my concerns when he asked .
    Then he text me hours later that we can’t be together anymore , and ask me not to talk about it again, he want to just remain friends.
    In the first i agree with him not to talk about it again, then i understand that i was so negative to him and he don’t want anymore load .
    Unforthenly i break his role and text him that i will never be negative again and i love him, and i don’t want to lose him.
    He was so angry and mean to me , he call me selfish and send text hours latter that all bad things happen to him because of me .
    tell me nasty things like i’m a bad sticker and threaten me if i take to him again in any way or form he will make me regret and tell my parent to keep away from him, and he don’t want to see anything from me anymore. he told me he was in hell with me for 4 years and all bad things happens in his life because of that. then he send a text massage to my sister to tell her to keep me away from him otherwise he will tell my dad & it will cause a problem to me , so he won’t do it now. but if i do somthing, he will call him immidalty without even replay to me.

    These texts i see them when i wake up, i feel shocked, i help him a lot, i was by his side all the time, sometimes i give him some money if needed,
    i was with him & supporting him with all my heart, wish he will be ok (When that happens He was asking me to forgive him because he break up with me before this ) but now he see me as a reason for all bad things happens in his life.
    I was wondering why he done that to me , what did i do wrong.
    Why he changes,
    I feel pain and hurt, after all this years he lost it , i think he don’t love me anymore.
    i was shocked and bleeding until now , i hate him now , i can’t believe what he did.
    Sure i don’t even talk or replay to him. I feel i don’t want to, but inside me i think i still have feeling for him, i wish he come and apologize for what he have done.
    We don’t block each other until now.
    i go no contact with him for 30 days and text him after it but he replay that he don’t want me to text him ever again,so i go to no contact again, i want to heal from this shock , i want him to regret losing me & apologies & text me first.
    He moved to another city , we were planning he will moved to it one day
    I want to be positive and a funny person to be around.
    Is there any hope to get back together ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 10, 2018 at 2:17 am

      Hi Haway!

      Some guys are just not good eggs. Just take some time and space and focus on your own healing for a good while before you decide if you wish to invest any more time in trying to recoup the relationship.

  15. Avatar

    LS

    September 22, 2018 at 4:57 pm

    Hi, I posted a comment 5 days ago but it hadn’t appeared & been responded to. I’m not sure how this comments work.

    Anyway, my concern is basically the relevance of the no contact duration to the 60-days estimated period of getting over you/break-up. I’m quite confused as to how to gauge the length of no contact that I have to do. At the mo it’s been 22days since the break-up (contact every end of each 3wks) but only 4days since last contact. If I base it on the 60days til one gets over, I only have 3 more weeks to keep quiet to get on the ideal 45days at most after break-up. But it is suggested in all of your articles to do a continuous 30-45days of no contact which I also feel right to do right now though my worry lies in the fact that 30-45days is riskily hitting the 60days-after-break-up point. What best to do? Brief history below.

    In my mentioned attempted post, I relayed what went on. We were 3 years together w/ a previous break-up on our 2nd year mark, 1st year lived in, 2nd year LDR, got back together & lived in together again for 3months in between the 3rd year. We broke up Aug.27 then silence from both until he drunk-contacted at the end of 1st week which got us peacefully talking for 2days. Silence on both sides again until end of 2nd week when I was so sad that i texted him ‘wish I never met you, ever’ to w/c he didn’t reply. At the end of 3rd week was his bday, I texted simple greeting & he replied his thanks, then I called him checkin up & said I miss him but he was on the negative tone & response telling me it’s bc I was the one who broke up & texted bad message/s. To which I replied that i didn’t want to end the relationship but that I didn’t have a choice bc he pushed me to it & I just couldn’t accept what it’s/he’s doing to me (I felt not prioritized & relationship’s lack of direction). He’s not replied & I haven’t texted since, that was Sept.18.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 23, 2018 at 4:40 pm

      Hi LS!

      Great question…but my response would be lengthy to do it justice.

      I would suggest you pick up my 247 page ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book” as I get into all of this and more. The range for NC is usually 21 to 45 days. Given your relationship history, I would think 21-30 days is a good range, but as you will learn from reading my book, this whole process is subject to modification depending on a variety of factors.

  16. Avatar

    SadCherry

    August 25, 2018 at 8:46 pm

    Hi Chris,
    So currently I am at 17th day of no contact. One night I went out and my ex was there. 10 minutes after I came he went home (mutual friend told my friend). Actually I think he is avoiding me. I live in a small town, haven’t seen him in 15 days, because I avoid places where I know he goes. Anyway he broke up with me, but it wasn’t ugly break up and we agreed to stay in good terms. I want him back, but for now I am in no contact. So why is he avoiding me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 26, 2018 at 1:30 am

      Hi Happy Cherry….good job with sticking thru your NC! Not sure why he is avoiding. Maybe embarrassed. Right now, just stick with the program and execute your ex recovery plan and remember much of NC is about taking care of “you”.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 26, 2018 at 1:30 am

      Hi Happy Cherry….good job with sticking thru your NC! Not sure why he is avoiding. Maybe embarrassed. Right now, just stick with the program and execute your ex recovery plan and remember much of NC is about taking care of “you”.

  17. Avatar

    Lucy

    July 29, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    If an ex-boyfriend is over the break up after 60 days, is it too late to start no contact after 3 weeks? Will he move on by the time I reach out?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 29, 2018 at 10:38 pm

      Hi Lucy…its different for everyone….depends on the guy and the circumstances leading up to the breakup. But I have seen people get back together after months..after years. It is really about whether you are following a smart plan. Go to my home page and you will see lots of resources!

  18. Avatar

    Anna

    May 7, 2018 at 4:34 pm

    Hisorrys Anna.my boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago.we’ve been together for 8 years,we also lived together that long.he told me he’s breaking up with me because there’s no desire but later on when I was very upset he’s told me hugging me that all he asks for is just some space and that I need to trust him as he’s doing this for us.he told me he doesn’t like the living arrangement and that I need to move out (he owns the flat we lived in) and he helped me to find a secure apartment close to my work 20 mins away form place we lived in.he even helped me moving my stuff with his car and put himself as a guarantor for it and paid the deposit.he even took me to the airport and back with his car when I went to visit my family in my country. We meant to go together,but he cancelled his tickets saying that if he goes it will deceive the object(i think he meant that space he mentioned although i don’t know if he lied to me about it)When I was away he texted me twice then when I called to ask if he’ll still pick me up from the airport he assured me he will and he was very polite and asked me how’s my holiday. We had a brief nice chat.When he picked me up from the airport (he was communicating with me all the time letting me know he’s on his way etc) he was asking again what’s new happened on my holiday, asked about my family and then he’s behavior suddenly changed.he told me in anger that’s the last time he’s picking people up from the airport and he doesn’t have to do anything, I’ve told him he offered and that I didn’t expect him to do it(he has offered after break up that he will pick me up)and has lashed out at me that he’s in a hurry yet he’s spent already three hours in the car.he was so angry as we were stuck in a traffic he started banging the steering wheel and drove aggressively. I was shocked and even though I tried to act uplift he scared me behaving like this so I just stared in front of me not saying anything. I could only see him looking at me every few seconds.when he dropped me off he immediately called me but I was on the phone with my mom so he texted me to apologize for being such a d… And even though I’ve told him not to worry,that I understand and I appreciated that he helped me he apologized couple of times more same evening and thanked for the gift I’ve brought him back from my country.couple of days later when my mom invited me for a dinner he texted me thanking again for the gift so I waited a day or two before answering. Then I started the no contact on him.I’m already a week to it and haven’t heard from him at all.does he think about me or miss me?thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 7, 2018 at 10:39 pm

      I Anna….that is quite a story and thank you for sharing it with me. You picked up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, right? If not, go check it out as it will be immensely helpful to you given all of the things going on. You need to have a comprehensive blueprint on what to do and not do, to better your chances. Just go over to my website Menu/Products link to learn more. I have no doubt he think of you and misses you. It is nearly impossible for someone not to have these feelings and many more complicated emotions. The key is having an action plan and executing it. And part of that plan needs to deal with your own self recovery because you have been through a lot.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 7, 2018 at 10:39 pm

      I Anna….that is quite a story and thank you for sharing it with me. You picked up my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, right? If not, go check it out as it will be immensely helpful to you given all of the things going on. You need to have a comprehensive blueprint on what to do and not do, to better your chances. Just go over to my website Menu/Products link to learn more. I have no doubt he think of you and misses you. It is nearly impossible for someone not to have these feelings and many more complicated emotions. The key is having an action plan and executing it. And part of that plan needs to deal with your own self recovery because you have been through a lot.

  19. Avatar

    Sherry

    March 24, 2018 at 9:29 pm

    Hi, if my ex bf is in the “ego boosting” phase then where is he on the roller coaster?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 1:08 am

      Can you give us a little more context to go on?

    2. Avatar

      Sherry

      April 7, 2018 at 3:55 am

      Hi Chris,

      Sorry if this is long. It seemed like he went through shock when I moved out, and was in depression mixed with a rebound directly after our break up. Like, within the first week of our break up. I went through no-contact for thirty days, broke no contact and texted him. He was very receptive. The breakup and no contact did a number on him. He was physically gagging out of nowhere, had lost a lot of weight, and had dark circles. He had withdrawn from all outside activity and didn’t go wild or party like he thought he would when he broke up with me. He said he never wanted to lose me forever. He felt like an idiot for wanting to be alone and breaking up with me, and then even more of an idiot when he realized he didn’t want to be alone. Then he jumped into a relationship with his coworker. When I came back into the picture, he was still with this person.

      Over the span of two weeks of being in contact with him, we saw each other almost every other day. He was initiating texts, saying good morning and good night, and over the course of those two weeks, we had many deep conversations (he initiated), and many fun outings and rekindling. No sex at all or even making it past kissing and handholding those past two weeks. He paid for everything: Food, drinks, even bought me gift. He let the rebound go around the second week, but was making a show of being on dating sites and basically implying he didn’t want a relationship with me. Like he was poking at me to react. Even though he had hinted at getting back together several times, I had never taken the bait. Never said I loved him or missed him. The last time I saw him, he asked me out to the movies, then took me out to eat, then we kissed and he said he loved me again. I finally told him I loved him, back. I mentioned getting back together for the first time, and he agreed. He said he couldn’t wait to live with me again, spend time with me, make me smile, etc.

      The next day, he had pulled away by ignoring my text that I had sent. He then apologized for not answering my text a couple days later…but I knew deep down that he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship with me. So I did some damage control, asked him to meet up, and told him I think we needed some more space apart. He told me he was confused and didn’t know what he wanted. That getting back together would be a mistake. I kept it brief, agreed with him, and told him I wanted him to be happy and that I needed to take a step back because he seemed to have a lot going on. He seemed sad but agreed, hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek, and we went our separate ways.

      Since then, three weeks ago, (it’s been six weeks since we last contacted) I have heard through his friend that he has jumped into seeing a new girl (but voiced that he wants to leave her and isn’t sure whether to be with me or find someone else) and I know he is going online and talking to girls that way. He has low self-esteem, so I figured this might be “ego-boosting”. Or, is it “exercising his freedom”?

      By the way, he also checks my social media every single day for the most part, several times a day. Sometimes, even late at night.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 9:26 pm

      By any chance did you have a chance to check out my newest article,

      https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-know-if-your-ex-boyfriend-is-in-a-rebound-relationship-how-long-will-it-last/

      I talk a lot about the mindset of a man going into a rebound relationship.

    4. Avatar

      Sherry

      April 7, 2018 at 10:37 pm

      Hi Chris,

      I did look, thank you. Where would rebounding be on the roller coaster, do you think? Since the roller coaster stops every time he is with someone, i’m not sure if he is just using women for ego boosting or not.

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 3:48 am

      Rebounding is kind of like going up the rollercoaster!

    6. Avatar

      Sherry

      April 10, 2018 at 3:50 am

      So going up means moving on?

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:02 am

      It means it is a tough stage of the breakup

  20. Avatar

    Beth

    March 23, 2018 at 8:46 am

    2 years NC here, however once or twice a year we are in the same building for a work thing, no words are exchanged.
    We have a history of him going off for a few months, or a year, and coming back to me.
    Even though we are amazing together he doesn’t want a divorced woman, I don’t fit his template. One day he will realise nobody will tick every box on his ideal woman list.

    He looks like he’s in a beard, underpants and weight gain phase (although of course it could be for other reasons) and I am fighting the urge to find out if he’s ok. When I see our mutual friends they constantly talk about him, unnecessarily so and I am intrigued as to why.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2018 at 6:21 pm

      Hi beth,
      Have you asked your friends why?

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