By Chris Seiter

Updated on March 8th, 2021

Welcome to episode 35 of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.

Today’s episode is unique in the fact that while it does cover how to figure out if an ex boyfriend is stringing you along with false hope it is so much more than that.

We hear from “depressed in Atlanta” a woman who is desperately searching for answers.

Like always, here is a quick rundown of her situation,

  • She broke up with her boyfriend 2 weeks ago
  • He claims that he broke up with her because she was depressed and didn’t know what to do with her life
  • He was upset with her and needed time (why was he upset when he was the one that broke up with her?)
  • She is worried that she is being strung along by him
  • She feels all of this is making her more emotional than normal
  • She always seems to contact him first

Lets see what we can do about giving her some answers.

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • The Win/Win Situation “Depressed in Atlanta” Is In
  • The Top Three Mistakes That She Is Making (So Far)
  • The Holy Trinity (Yet Again)
  • A Huge Problem I Continually See Women Making
  • The Two Paths “Depressed in Atlanta” Is Faced With
Can I Get My Ex Back?
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Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

The Top Three Mistakes That “Depressed in Atlanta” Is Making

When I listened to “Depressed in Atlanta’s” situation I immediately noticed that she is making three major mistakes (if she decides to get her ex back.) I talked a lot about those mistakes on this episode.

What I would like to do is talk a little about them for you in the show notes here.

three ways

Mistake #1- No NC

Depressed in Atlanta doesn’t seem to have even entertained the idea of doing a no contact rule.

Now, for those of you who are familiar with Ex Boyfriend Recovery you will know that the no contact rule is kind of a big deal for me.

What is one of the many reasons for why we use NC?

Well, that leads us to our next mistake.

Mistake #2- Being Too Available

Want to know what is unattractive to males?

A woman who they are too available for.

I know it’s kind of important for being in a relationship but you aren’t in a relationship anymore.

You are single and when you are single the rules are a little bit different.

Mistake #3- Not Ending Conversations Soon Enough

“Depressed in Atlanta” complained that she was always the one that had to start the conversations with her ex.

But from what I have heard from her she has done nothing to earn a “reach out” from him.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Ending conversations early can help here.

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Episode 35 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. What is going on in the world of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery? As many of you know, I use this podcast as a way of reaching out to you on a weekly basis and updating you on the way things are going. The redesign of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery brand went live about a month ago. Things have been looking really great. The feedback from the redesign has been very positive. I’m really happy to report that.

I’ve also been talking with my wife and it looks like we’re going to be doing this coaching idea. I want to run something by you again. I want to get your feedback on this idea. Tell me if it’s something that you would be interested in. I’m hoping that I get a lot of comments on the show notes of this episode. Please give me your feedback on what I’m about to run by you here. You can go to

My wife and I have decided to do some joint coaching. How this is going to work is pretty simple. You’re going to get my entire Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro system, the ebook and the audio book. I’m also creating a new product that I haven’t really told anyone about. This is the first time I’m mentioning it to the public.

It’s going to be a texting bible. Imagine that you are in the process of getting your ex back. You are undergoing this campaign to get him back. You’re in the texting phase. You’re wondering, “What should I send to him in this particular situation?” I’m creating a huge glossary of texts that explains, in depth, every single text.

It’s going to have hundreds, maybe even as high as 500 text messages that you can send. They are meant to cover every single situation you could possibly find yourself in. If you find yourself in a situation where your ex is being negative in his responses, there will be text messages to get him to go from negative to positive.

You’ll get the Pro system. You’ll get this texting bible. You’ll get another product that I’m working on that will be live very soon about the un-gettable girl. In addition to that, you will get customized game plans from either me or my wife. We will be answering every single one of your questions by email on a 24 hour basis. You will be guaranteed an in depth response.

This isn’t going to be a tiny, little response that you would get if you commented in the comments section of the website. This is in depth stuff here that I’m talking about. You pay a monthly fee. You get access to all of this information. You email us information about your situation. We come up with a very in depth, complicated, sophisticated, complex game plan to help you get your ex back. We help you follow that game plan.

Anytime you have questions along the way or something changes with your ex, let’s say the no contact rule isn’t working out for you or you have questions about certain things, just email us. We will answer it. You’re guaranteed a response within a day, probably sooner. The responses will be very in depth. This is as much hands on as we can possibly get.

We’ll be creating files for the people who sign up for this coaching so that we have a chart of information that we can refer to in order to really help people. That’s what this is all about. We really want to help people get their exes back. We don’t just want to stop at helping someone get their ex back. Things happen. I can’t ever 100% guarantee that you’re going to get your ex-boyfriend back. In the event that you don’t, we can even help you move on. We want to be with you from start to finish. We essentially want to help you put your life back together.

This kind of coaching isn’t for everyone. This is really hands on. We are going to be communicating daily. There will only be a maximum of 30 spots open for this kind of coaching. It will probably end up going fast. We’ll do a trial run in a few months and see how it works out. I really want to get your thoughts on it.

What can we do to make this coaching idea better for you? Right now, we’re just brainstorming. My wife and I have talked a lot about it for the past month or two. Now I want to involve you. I want to hear some of your thoughts about what can make this coaching better. Is what I described to you enough to make you interested in something like that?

You will be getting customized game plans from two ex experts. You will be getting 24 hour guidance. There are going to be in depth responses to answer every single question you have. We will basically hold your hand along the way, which is probably what a lot of you expect out of a “get your ex back” expert. We’re making the coaching live in a few months. Again, I want to get your feedback.

Let’s get to today’s question. Today we’re going to hear from a woman named Depressed in Atlanta. That’s obviously not her real name. She chose to go by a handle, which is perfectly fine.

She has an interesting question about her ex-boyfriend stringing her along:

“Hi, this is Depressed in Atlanta. My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago because he thought I was unhappy all the time and I didn’t know what I was doing with my life. I went to pick up my stuff from his house two days later. We ended up talking and having a really constructive conversation about everything.

He even kissed me goodbye and called me “babe” when I left, which had me feeling very confused. I’ll admit, I called and emailed him a few times after that. He reached out to me and helped me with a job interview. He says we shouldn’t chit-chat every day, but he is here if I need him.

He says he is confused and feels that it is bittersweet that I seem to have changed and become the person he wanted me to be when we were together, now that we have broken up. He said he still loves and cares about me but is also still upset with me and needs time. He can’t say for sure if we will get back together.

It’s making me more emotional than if he had just ended things and I thought it was over. He says the only time he wants to get back with me is when I am positive. I talked to him for two hours last night but he never contacts me. I’m having trouble motivating myself to move on and not be depressed all the time or contact him. What should I do? Is he stringing me along? Thanks.”

Thanks for the question, Depressed in Atlanta. I’m really glad to feature you on the podcast here. Hopefully we can help you out. I think I can. You didn’t really ask a question about getting him back. You asked if he was stringing you along. I’m going to go above and beyond for you. I’m not just going to stop at answering your simple question of, “Is he stringing me along?” I’m going to go above and beyond. I’m going to tell you the two options that you have at this point and come up with a small, strategic game plan for you.

Let’s do a quick recap of your situation for the listeners. Your ex-boyfriend broke up with you about two weeks ago. He said the reason was that you seemed depressed and you didn’t know what to do with your life. It’s weird because he also says that he’s upset with you and needs time. I don’t know. That’s a strange claim to me. He’s the one who broke up with you. How could he be upset? I supposed he can be upset about a breakup, but if he’s citing these depressed reasons, or whatever BS he’s pulling out here, his words don’t make the most sense to me. He said he was upset with you and needs time. It seems like he is stringing you along. It seems to be making you a bit more emotional than you normally are.

You say that you are always the first one to contact him, and you can’t get him to contact you first. He also said that, when you do talk, you seem more positive to him now. He said it’s bittersweet and it’s almost like you are the person he wanted while you were in the relationship together. But he’s just not ready and willing to take that next step to getting back into a relationship with you. Again, you’re asking if he’s stringing you along.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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I’ll answer that first. Even though I know this episode is entitled “Is he stringing you along?” I’m not as interested in that. It’s a small question. No, I don’t think he’s stringing you along. I think he’s a mess with his own emotions and he does not know what he wants. That’s the honest truth.

When I listened to your situation and thought about it, I think he’s just a mess himself and doesn’t know what he wants. Those are my thoughts on it. Is he stringing you along? No, I don’t think he is. I think he honestly doesn’t know what he wants. He wants you sometimes. He doesn’t want you sometimes. It’s a normal human reaction, in certain instances.

Let’s get into the more interesting stuff. The first thing I want to talk about is his depressing comment. He mentioned that you were depressed and that you didn’t know what you wanted to do with your life. This isn’t for you, Depressed in Atlanta. This is more for everyone listening. This is basically out of the beast’s mouth. I’m constantly talking about the holy trinity, this idea of health, wealth and relationships merging together. That’s really what makes a person attractive, not only to him or herself, but to others as well.

What did this guy say to you, Depressed in Atlanta? He basically said, “You don’t have your life together. You look depressed and it’s unattractive to me.” That falls under the wealth and health categories. The health part is because you seem depressed, at least according to your ex-boyfriend. The wealth part is because of the job aspect. She doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life. He’s helping her get an interview.

For those of you who are doubting the health, wealth and relationship portions of my philosophy of becoming more attractive to a man, it’s right here from the beast’s mouth. This is from an actual man that’s not me. Even if you don’t trust what I’m saying about health, wealth and relationships and how you need to merge them together to create this holy trinity of attractiveness and the un-gettable girl, other men are saying this. It’s sewn into us.

It’s not just men. It’s people in general. Let’s pretend that you have your ex-boyfriend in front of you. You take two women of equal looks. Nothing is different about them. They have the same personality and same looks. Except one person has the holy trinity aspect of her life completely put together. Health, wealth and relationships are phenomenal.

The other person, on the other hand, has horrible health. She looks attractive, but she smokes all the time. In about five to ten years, she’s going to gain a bunch of weight. She has all sorts of physical problems. She’s dirt poor. She has no friends and she’s a little psycho when she gets a boyfriend.

Given the two options, which would a guy find more attractive? The girl who has the holy trinity on her side. That’s the first piece of knowledge that I want to drop on you, Depressed in Atlanta. Taking your ex-boyfriend out of the equation, merging health, wealth and relationships together is going to create happiness in your life. I think that’s a really important thing for you to grasp and start implementing.

I always find it really difficult to balance the three. For example, lately I’ve been on a health kick. As a result, I feel that my wealth and relationships have suffered a little bit. I’ve been putting more of my energy into health. I live in Pennsylvania. The winter is pretty harsh here. I’m a huge tennis fan. I like to go out and play tennis every single day. It keeps me active. It keeps me in shape. I kind of get insane with it sometimes.

During the winter, I couldn’t go out and play tennis so I completely pushed health out of the way and focused on wealth. I always feel like I have this constant battle of trying to merge the three, the health, wealth and relationship aspects together. The way I try to live my life is to try to find a balance between the three. Set aside a certain amount of time for your health every single day. Set aside a certain amount of time for wealth every day, that’s going to work and doing a phenomenal job at work.

Then set aside a certain amount of time for your relationships with your loved ones, friends and family. If you can merge these three together seamlessly and find a perfect balance between the three, good things are going to happen to you. Every time I’ve ever found a balance between the three, good things have always happened to me. I’ve always been happier in my relationships. My wealth has gone up and my health has gone up. That’s the holy trinity.

Depressed in Atlanta, the best piece of advice that I can give you today is to find a way to balance these three aspects. You need your wealth improved, according to your ex. I don’t think you should do it for your ex. I think you should do it for yourself. Also, don’t just make it all about your wealth. Find a way to merge the three.

When I look at your situation, Depressed in Atlanta, I think you have a pretty decent shot at getting your ex back. I don’t say that to everyone. There are some people who don’t have a decent shot of getting their ex back. The truth of the matter is that I’m all about numbers when it comes to this. I look at a percentage.

For example, someone who cheated on her ex-boyfriend six times with six different guys and was caught every single time is not going to have a high percentage shot of winning her ex-boyfriend back, as compared to someone in your position.

You are probably in one of the better situations compared to a lot of the women on my site. You’re in what I like to call a win-win scenario. There are two paths you can take. Either path you take will end up as a win for you in the end. The first path is probably what everyone is going to tell you the most. Move on. The second path is to try to get him back. I look at that as a win because you have such a high percentage shot of succeeding in winning him back if you do a certain amount of things correctly.

I’ll save the moving on part until later. There are advantages to doing that. But let’s focus on what you and the listeners want to hear about—getting him back.

When I look at your situation, I notice three big mistakes that you are making in your campaign to win your ex-boyfriend back. This is according to Ex-Boyfriend Recovery’s philosophy and what I like to teach. The first mistake is pretty simple. You’re not doing no contact. The no contact rule is an essential step of this process. The best way I can describe it is that it serves as a reset button. You press that reset button and, while things may not be as good as they were when you were in the courting phase of your relationship, you will be in a better spot, most likely. Again, I’m playing the percentages here. Most likely, you will be in a better spot by pressing that reset button. Your ex-boyfriend won’t be flaming mad at you all the time.

The no contact rule also helps make him miss you more. It also helps reassert your authority and show him that you are not too available to him.

This brings me to my next big problem. You are being too available for him. I don’t think you necessarily have this problem, but a huge problem I see from everyone on the website is that a lot of women are way too attached to their situation. They have this “all or nothing” mentality. They have this mentality that it’s the absolute end of the world if they don’t get their ex back. It’s not.

The world is not going to stop spinning if you don’t get your ex back. Just because you don’t get your ex back right now doesn’t mean there’s not a chance in the future. A lot of women don’t realize that. Being too attached to your situation makes you too available.

I can use my wife as an example here. When we were in the courting phase of our relationship and I was trying to get her to be my girlfriend, every time she would text me, I would immediately fumble for my phone and check. It got me trained like a puppy dog. I was checking my phone every five minutes, hoping for a text message from her.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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I was very invested in the situation. I’m not sure that was the best thing. It almost made me obsessed. It probably would have been healthier for me not to have been so invested in it. I’ve talked with my wife and understand her perspective now that I’m married to her. I can ask her and get the truth from her on what she was thinking. Back in the courting phase, she was not as into the situation as I was. I had this “all or nothing” mentality. I was lucky enough to make it work but I know more about relationships than the average person. I had more tricks up my sleeve.

When it comes to exes, being too invested in your situation leads to things like neediness and not ending conversations soon enough. That’s the third biggest problem I see that you’re making. You mentioned that you talked to your ex-boyfriend for over two hours and it was a constructive conversation. Constructive conversations are good but I cannot overstate the importance of ending the conversation first, and ending it at the high point. This is essential. It is a mistake talking to your ex for that amount of time. You are not doing anything to leave him wanting more. He mentioned that he’s confused, he doesn’t know what to do and it’s bittersweet how you seem more positive now. If you would have ended the conversations first, it wouldn’t always be you texting him first. He would have a reason to want to text you first.

You can go to my sales page for Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro to get an idea of the process of ending the conversation first, and the process of the Ziegarnik Effect. It’s an effect that states that people remember uncompleted tasks better than completed ones. It’s the philosophy that all people on TV shows implement. A TV show ends on a cliffhanger. It ends at the high point of the episode. It keeps a viewer coming around to the next episode, a week later. It keeps them invested in the show. There is a whole week-long period that goes by where a lot of viewers can drop off.

The same thing goes with your ex-boyfriend. He can lose interest in you very easily, especially when you’re trying to reignite this passionate relationship with him again.

I would say, Depressed in Atlanta, the biggest pieces of advice that I can give you are the holy trinity, getting the health, wealth and relationships perfectly melded together in your life, doing no contact, not being too available and ending the conversations at the high point, and ending it first. Those are three important, quick strategies that I can give you from what you’ve told me.

Obviously, if we were doing more of a coaching type thing, I could give you much more in depth analysis, more strategies that you can implement and a super game plan if you were trying to get him back. I don’t know if you’re trying to get him back. I think you’re trying to look for some answers. It seems like you’re hurt, and that’s completely understandable.

Let’s talk about the first path. I said that you were in a win-win scenario where you had two paths you could choose. The first one was moving on. The second one was getting him back, which we just talked about.

Why is moving on a win-win scenario? Too many women out there have this mentality that, if they don’t get their ex back, the world is going to end. Again, it’s not. The “recovery” part of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery has two meanings. One is recovering your ex-boyfriend. Two is recovering from your ex-boyfriend in the event that you don’t recover your ex-boyfriend.

Getting over your boyfriend can be very helpful. It can go either way here. You’re in a situation where it’s a win-win scenario. Even if you do everything right and don’t get him back, you can just move on and be okay. I promise that it’s possible. But if you decide to move on, you have to be committed to moving on. I mean that you need to block him completely from your life.

There is a well-written, in depth article I wrote about how to get over your ex-boyfriend. I will link to that in the show notes of this episode. You can go to I wrote it about a year and a half ago. It is possibly a little bit outdated. I do have plans to write more about how to get over your ex-boyfriend.

If you decide to go down this path, definitely take a look at that article. That’s probably the best thing I can recommend to you right now, other than completely cutting him out. That would be the easiest way to get over him and be disciplined about it.

Those are my thoughts on your situation, Depressed in Atlanta. I took my own approach to it. I answered your question about stringing along. I think I gave a lot of good information in this episode. For those who listened all the way to the end of this episode, thank you for listening. Feel free to comment and give me your feedback on the coaching idea.

Feel free to leave podcast questions. The more specific questions you ask, the better I can answer them. Again, I’ll put a link in the show notes to my SpeakPipe and contact page where you can leave me a voicemail for this podcast. I’m going to sign off for today. Thanks for listening. Thank you for being a fan of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery brand.

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147 thoughts on “EBR 035: Is Your Ex Boyfriend Stringing You Along?”

  1. Heather Ralston

    January 25, 2021 at 2:48 am

    My ex broke up with me back in November last year. The relationship lasted for a month but the love I had for him was very deep and indescribable. Him and I are 19 and 20 and during our relationship we talked about future plans and stuff like that. I think we went too fast honestly. He told me he was in love with me first. He broke it off and I hadn’t heard from him since until last week telling me he thought I forgot about him and he still cares. even grew out his hair for once because he remembered I liked it that way. Made it known that he can’t handle a relationship with work. He wants to be friends but we weren’t before dating and I feel like I am making all the effort where he should chase me. which I am sure that is why he texted me because I did the no contact rule and a month later he reached out. His mom was also in the relationship always had to know everything. On top of that before me he has only been in one relationship and this one with me was the most serious one. Most family and friends suggest telling him to leave me alone until he is ready to commit or actually ask him do you think we will ever get back together. Do you see me in your future.

  2. Elaine

    September 23, 2019 at 11:58 pm

    Hi EBR team,

    My ex bf broke up with me about 2 months ago and I have been begging and pleading ever since. Only because I am sometimes confused by his actions. He’s made it verbally clear that he no longer wants to try or start over or come back to our relationship but I feel certain actions say otherwise. It feels like he’s trying to keep a foot in the door.

    I have offered numerous times to drop his things off to his house or even mail it(if seeing me was the issue) and he has always responded with “no it’s okay, I’ll come get it”

    I don’t understand why he insists on driving to my house to come get a shirt & couple other things when I am making trying to make it easier on him by dropping his things off or even mailing it. I’ve also made it clear that holding onto his things make it difficult for me to heal and move past the break up and while he knows this, he still insists on getting his things back when he comes here himself.

    Maybe I am over analyzing but is this a sign of him stringing me along?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 26, 2019 at 9:42 pm

      Hi Elaine, I would say take notice of his actions over his words, but I would like to remind you to do follow the program and complete a NC and if you have done so make sure you are aware of the types of messages and actions you should be taking to get your ex interested in you and your life.

  3. Inci

    January 5, 2018 at 6:11 pm

    I want to say that I even don’t know if he was the one who had written (started first) in Facebook to my bestie back then (I thought only that could be). It could be that she was the first who write to him something like he should please be good to me and he answers.. But I know it is nothing to worry about.
    I have one general question: when a girl don’t want to date the man anymore (or SHE was the one who break up the rel.ship) is then one of the ways he can mend his ego by writing something to the bestie of the girl just to make it look like it doesn’t affect? Or is this to mend his ego only the case when the man leaves the girl and she does not begging?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2018 at 6:14 pm

      It can be to mend his ego in whatever the reason of the break up is or who initiated the break up.. Or to fish info from the friend because he gjot curious on why you’re not messaging or chasing…

  4. Inci

    May 24, 2017 at 1:30 pm

    Hello! I come to your site, because a friend on mine have told me that this is such a great site! I met a boy 11 months ago. My girlfriend and I got to know him and his friends as we were at a party and we were all together while once again while we were going out. He and I had about 5 dates and we also kissed. Then I had a no contact periode with him. I thought that he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship and I haven’t make it clear to him too what I wanted. In the NC he wrote to my Bestie girlfriend at Facebook chat. He asked her what’s up and how did she do, what are she doing? and if she still goes partying. She have said to him while chatting with him: I’m fine thank you, and if you want to know how she,I, is doing, yes, we’re partying. Then he asked her “yeah how is she doing”? A Now I bumped into him and we will perhaps play billiards, Date like.. Would you date him again? Do you think that he wanted to flirt with my friend and turn her on back then or do you assume, because of the text-intend that it was friendship smalltalk like that he only wanted to be present in our clique or so?

    1. Inci

      October 19, 2017 at 12:40 pm

      We are building rapport now, and we will met each other the second time:) he lives in an other country.
      I don’t describe all points of my case right, sorry for that! I thought it would be easier for you to understand the case. We know each other longer than 11 months and we two were at a time in the friendzone too. I don’t know the text he was written to my bestie girlfriend, it’s not important, it was nothing I should worry about. It wrote to you the text which I thought he was written to her. And the days on which we have met each other, this I have also written to make the case easier. It’s all good now. I’m no more jelaous now.I have no reasons and no more fear. I just let all be what will be. Thank you too for your Help!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 23, 2017 at 12:08 pm

      That’s good! Have fun when you met

    3. Inci

      June 2, 2017 at 9:11 am

      Ok, I am just very sensitive. No, he doesn´t show more signs of interest in her. But generally, do you think its ok, when a man which you have been on dates and kissed and he knows a little bit you bestie and your group of girlfriends, when he write and asks her how she is, during the time you and he don´t have contact? And then you and he have contact again

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 2, 2017 at 7:39 pm

      yes, because there can be a lot of reasons why.. He might be bored and she was online that time, he might be curious about you, he might want to make you regret through her, he might have needed help about something that he knows she might have knowledge about..

    5. Inci

      May 31, 2017 at 11:11 pm

      Ok shouldnt overdoo it but
      We had one date last Friday and last sunday again. He have told me last last friday that my beestie girlfriend -to which he had written on fb back then- why she does not go on a date with his buddy, becuse he is intetrested in her. Is this a sign, that indicates that my date had not tried to flirt and turn on my bestie back then ?
      and on sunday, when we met each other, my bestie mate was with me, because he picked me up from a lunch and and the three of us had a short smalltalk.
      Yesterday he couldn’t reach to me on my mobileohone, so he asked her on facebook whether she knows where I am, am I at home or, and if she could please give him my home number. So could I see this as indicator no.2 that he had not tried to flirt with her back then? Because I mean, as a boy, you dont flirt with a girl, and a half year down the road you ask her about the girlfriends number, which you have been on dates before. That would be some kind of embarassing and unmanly.
      And the 3rd question:) is it possible, do you accept to pay the exbf. RecoveryPro and come in the fb group even if I am from Germany?

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 1, 2017 at 5:46 pm

      you’re still overthinking it.. if he likes her, he’ll show more signs.. but if he doesn’t, you’re going to create a problem because of worrying and he might even start liking her because your worries will push him away. You can be a part of the group in this link:
      Private Facebook Group

    7. Inci

      May 31, 2017 at 11:03 pm

      Ok shouldnt overdoo it but
      We had one date last Friday and last sunday again. He have told me last last friday that my beestie girlfriend, to which he had written on fb back then, that she and his buddy would make a great couple, because his buddy is intetrested in her. Is this a sign, that indicates that my date had not tried to flirt and turn on my bestie back then ?
      and on sunday, when we met each other, my bestie mate was with me, because he picked me up from a lunch and and the three of us had a short smalltalk.
      Yesterday he couldn’t reach to me on my mobileohone, so he asked her on facebook whether she knows where I am, am I at home or, and if she could please give him my home number. So could I see this as indicator no.2 that he had not tried to flirt with her back then? Because I mean, as a boy, you dont flirt with a girl, and a half year down the road you ask her about the girlfriends number, which you have been on dates before. That would be some kind of embarassing and unmanly.
      And the 3rd question:) is it possible, do you accept to pay the exbf. RecoveryPro and come in the fb group even if I am from Germany?

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 26, 2017 at 5:55 pm

      dont overthink.. if he really wanted you or anybody else, let his actions prove it..

  5. Inci

    May 24, 2017 at 1:23 pm

    Hello! I come to your site, because a friend on mine have told me that this is such a great site! I met a boy 11 months ago. My girlfriend and I got to know him and his friends as we were at a party and we were all together while once again while we were going out. He and I had about 5 dates and we also kissed. Then I had a no contact periode with him. I thought that he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship and I haven’t make it clear to him what I wanted too. In the NC he wrote to my Bestie girlfriend at Facebook chat. He asked her what’s up how did she do, what is she doing? and if she still goes partying. She have said to him while chatting with him: I’m fine thank you, and if you want to know how she (I) is doing, yes, we’re partying. Then he asked her “yeah how is she doing”? A Now I bumped into him and we will perhaps play billiards, Date like.. Would you date him again? Do you think that he wanted to flirt with my friend and turn her on back then, or do you assume, because of the text-intend that it was friendship like that he only wanted to be present in our clique or so?

    1. Inci

      June 27, 2017 at 7:03 pm

      Dear Amor, thank you.
      I don’t know why I am so jealous because of nothing-.- now he and I go on dates and possibly get together. But the case, that he wrote to my bestie back then, when we were in the NC worries me, I don’t know why I’m so jealous.
      You wrote: “can be, because if he thought you were moving, then one of the ways he can mend his ego is making it look like it doesnt affect by talking to your friend”

      I don’t understand exactly what you mean because of your, “if he thought you were moving”: but back then HE broke up the contact with me by not date and writing to me anymore (and I didn’t wrote to him too, because of his Nonwriting).
      It was his “turn” to write to me, to get me back. (That were my opionion back then)
      Do you meant, that even if He broke up with me back then, and I didn’t begged back for him, he wrote to my bestie to mend his ego by showing that my Nonbegging doesn’t affect him?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2017 at 4:22 pm

      Im sorry.. I meant moving on and yes you’re probably right on that he did that to mend his ego

    3. Inci

      June 3, 2017 at 6:37 am

      Yes, ok there can be reasons. You mean possibly by with the regret, that he might make me regret through her, because I have didn’t write to him anymore, so he could thought, oh ok I can write a little bit with the girlfriend (not that he want to make me jealous, just to talk with an acquaintance)

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 3, 2017 at 4:13 pm

      can be, because if he thought you were moving, then one of the ways he can mend his ego is making it look like it doesnt affect by talking to your friend.. but please, dont get hung up on that.. you’re wasting time worrying.. it does nothing but hinder progress in improving yourself.

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 26, 2017 at 5:55 pm

      dont overthink.. if he really wanted you or anybody else, let his actions prove it..

  6. Paige

    October 24, 2016 at 2:51 pm

    I know this podcast was posted last year, but i was wondering if you were still doing the coaching?

  7. Sonia

    August 27, 2016 at 3:38 am

    I started dating my ex when i was 23 and he was 24, dated for a year, we were both very young so unstable, after a year he took a job offer and moved to another country, i was pretty devastated but went along to live my life as a twenty something girl, about 3 years later my job sent me to europe for an assignment and we ended up meeting again, and realised that we still had feelings for each other, we started dating again, but at that time i just got out of another relationship and almost tied up the lose ends but not entirely, my ex moved to back to China for me to stay with me, and found evidences of my previous relationship which lead to his severe trust issues which followed us throughout the whole relationship. We kept on dating, despite all the fights, sometimes big ones, during the process he got another job in Europe and I decided it was my turn to make a compromise, quitted my job and followed him to europe and became a freelancer. Financial front we were ok, i was self sufficient and was quite good at what i was doing, but living together in a foreign country where I dont speak the language very well, i realised that i depended a lot on him, i wasnt brought up quite a home making girl, so i had to learn how to maintain a household from scratch; I also am pretty clumsy, carefree and easygoing by nature, where he is very systematic, neat and organised, we constantly fought about these differences which lead to bigger fights, the trust issues also chimed in making them huge explosions. but we still loved each other despite all our differences, trying to make it work, we decided to move to another tropical country, which I am now sitting in front of my screen. 3 days into being here, he told me he was comfortable in looking for an place to live together, and that we should take a break. he said he was extremely exhausted from our fights and feeling like he had to be responsible for everything in a household, and me not being supporting enough, which i really do sympathise… once this was established, he started to get on tinder and found a local girl with whom, he claims that he can “talk to”, he was honest about being on tinder and chatting to girls. I understand what he’s doing but am also very heartbroken. so I decided to go home for a bit and start NC, while bettering myself as a person… last time I asked him if he still loved me, he said, i dont want to get your hopes up, i just felt like I have put my mental and physical health on the line to cater your spoilt traits, so yes I still love you, and yes i dont want to let you go, but at this point i see no other way cuz am literally too tired…. my question is, well, like everyone else’s, do I still stand a chance with him..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 30, 2016 at 11:26 am

      Hi Sonia,

      Your English grammar is actually good. I think you do have a chance, he just have to see you become independent.. And really independent, not just for the sake of getting him back. THat means you have to have your own life even if you get him back.

  8. Not good enough

    July 13, 2016 at 9:59 pm

    Does this apply to a man who has doubts about me regarding my children? I’m divorced and have kids from my failed marriage (he was abusive). My ex said he was stuck between his mind and heart, he was confused because he loved me but he wanted someone who didn’t have any. I broke things off because of his uncertainty. I’ve done the NC way over a month. Has made no attempt to contact me other than post a Snap that indirectly was geared toward me and my male friend (who he knew i was attracted to in the past). Should I even attempt at trying to get him back? I’m afraid he might string me along by dumping me for someone else who doesn’t have kids. Everyone around me tells me to move on and forget him. My mind tells me to move on, but my heart still clings to him. I loved and respected him and so did he (supposedly). Even went as far as saying I completed him. But if he doesn’t wan’t me in his life and has these doubts, then why post a Snap about a note I left for my male friend, was he trying to upset me? The note had a derogatory word added on to it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2016 at 6:10 pm

      Hi You’re more than enough :),

      you know if he really loves you, he would love your kids, not make them a hindrance..

  9. CCat

    July 10, 2016 at 2:05 am

    I was dating my guy for a couple of months, he broke up with me 3 weeks ago. During that time, he went on a trip and came back. He messaged me to catch up, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Prior to the sex, he was holding my hand and stroking my hair… which in my mind I thought were signs that he wanted to get back together. After sex, I decided to talk about whether we were rebuilding our relationship. In his response, he said… “I like you, I am attracted to you… but what we did was just sex. I care about you a lot and love hanging out with you. But I don’t think this relationship will progress. I want us to be friends (if you are not comfortable with having sex, we don’t need that) I want us to hang out and go for dinner/travel/ attend weddings together and etc”. In my response I said “Isn’t that called dating? everything that was mentioned was something you do when you are dating…. not when you are friends” So that’s what he offered, a friendship with the benefits (no sex) or just cut ties…. I still care about him (since I got really emotional). and don’t know what to do… I have used Chris’s method from his ex-boyfriend recovery book, but this seems like its abnormal… help!! 🙁

    1. Ccat

      July 13, 2016 at 2:40 am

      So should I do what Chris has suggested and no contact or just cut ties? My head says one thing and my heart says another..:(

    2. Chris Seiter

      July 13, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      Your head is probably right.

      Though I realize it’s difficult to go against what your heart wants.

    3. Ccat

      July 10, 2016 at 10:26 pm

      Hi, I meant him… Not the recovery method. I just thought the offer of that arrangement. Which sounds to me like friends with benefits (without sex) or providing him with a girlfriend experience is odd…he said he missed when he was on his trip, yet he doesn’t want to be involved with me… But still wants the hanging out experience which to me sounds like dating but he doesn’t label it like that. Any assistance to decipher this would help. Thanks

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 12, 2016 at 7:21 am

      ah..yes, he’s really asking to be fwb

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 10, 2016 at 8:19 pm

      hi Ccat,

      sorry i just want to clear it, what’s abnormal? him or the exrecovery method? if it’s the method, can you elaborate more so I can explain more about it

  10. Alexis

    June 20, 2016 at 7:08 am

    It’s been four months since my ex and I broke up. We met last night to watch a movie and everything felt pretty great, we even acted like we ar the best of friends. While watching a movie, he grabbed my hand and held it the whole time. We still held hands after we went out of the mall. He kissed me twice and then when dropped me home. No exchange of i love you’s. Then I asked him about it he said he doesn’t have exact words but promised to tell me his answers. I waited for it but nothing. I asked him again but all he told me is “sorry everything’s hectic at work right now.” Is he avoiding my question? Idk what he is trying to tell me..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2016 at 7:32 pm

      Hi Alexis,

      yeah, it looks like he is avoiding it..

  11. Ignored

    June 12, 2016 at 4:36 am

    Alright this will be long!. So I was with my exe for over a year & he broke up with me over just over 2 months ago because he was unhappy with himself & needed to be “alone” to work on himself & get his life on track by finding a full time job in his field & working on his career finally. (He took a break after graduating before wanting to start his adult life you would call it. We got together when he graduated). I put “alone” in quotations because well I am aware he is seeing another girl now. When he ended it I went into a month of NC. When I reached out things seemed great we seemed to get flirty via text & he even initiated then a lot. When I met up with him, I hate to say it we hooked up. & well did so each time we saw each other. This went on for 3 weeks. He was all about seeing me. But the effort to talk & treat me well dwindled & Well I felt used everytime we slept together & I wanted to put an end to it. Not to mention I found out he began having another girl over. An exe girlfriend of one of his friends. So one night he’s with me, next with her. It started about 6 weeks since our break up that he has been seeing her. I don’t know if she’s a rebound or if it’s serious. Like so much for needing to be alone! Anyways I never told him I know about her. The day I was going to put an end to sleeping with him he surprised me by initiating a meet up that was in the day (we used to me after supper). Involved being with his best friend & his girlfriend. He was super sweet with me & at night we didn’t have sex. He just cuddled me when before he never did & did the little routine affectionate things he did when we were together. It was like old times & I thought we were on the road to getting back. But next time I saw him he was quite rude by being on his phone ignoring me & i felt he didn’t want me there & well he told me let’s call it a night…then I find out he invited the other girl over. The next time we were together he had a talk with me saying he’s only hanging out with me as friends & he doesn’t want to hurt me into thinking he wants to get back together. And well we slept together too that night but haven’t since. He stopped initiating seeing me but I have with him once a week & we have spent a day a week together (no sleepovers or sex) Now the girl is always over even though they act like they aren’t seeing each other around their mutual friends. He began ignoring my texts & picking & chosing when and what to answer. It hurts. He even told me I don’t feel like hanging out with you at the moment do I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks. him saying that hurt & I was offended. But he said he didn’t have a problem or issue with me (I asked if he did because it seemed out of no where he wants nothing to do with me) Then he ignored a text that I sent a few days later which hurt because what now he isn’t in the mood to even talk to me? you don’t do this to friends. I told him I’d like to have a conversation with him to work this out because friends don’t do this. He finally wrote I’m not in the mood to talk. I was upset & hate to say it got in a fight. I told him I just want 2 mins of his time to discuss what’s going on. I feel like you are suddenly treating me bad & ignoring me & it hurts. You say there is no problem but your actions say otherwise. He ignored this message. I told him if you respected and valued be me as a friend you would allow me to have a quick discussion about it. No response. I think he knows he has me wrapped around his finger & well lost value as you say because he knows he can get me whenever he wants even after he ignores texts & says rude things. To me. He knows I’ll jump at the opportunity to see him or talk. I wanted to show him no that isn’t the case by sounding like I was over him. So I wrote the next day: ok I guess we’re done having anything to do with each other. Have a great life.. (dramatic I know but I didn’t know how else to do it). He responded right away saying stop being dramatic I just said I don’t feel like hanging out with you or talking to you right now. Relax. Stop Making a big deal of everything & we’re good. I told him I don’t know what you expect. Lately you ignore me & say rude things to me & you think that when you’re ready to talk again & hang out that I’ll be all happy & normal & act as if you never just ignored me & not treated me well. That’s not how it works. He told me look there is no problem we’re good I just said I didn’t feel like hanging out with you right now or talking & you began acting weird so I ignored you. we’re good trust me. Anyways i haven’t talked to him since (it’s only been 3 days). But I don’t know what to do. Like I said I think he knows he has me when he wants. Maybe he is also serious about the other girl. He still is seeing her many times a week. I already told him how I can’t pretend he hasn’t been rude to me when he finally wants to hang out. I don’t know how to raise my value or even help get him back while his attention seems to be with the other girl.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 8:45 am

      Hi Ignored,

      well first, stop chasing him and then start active nc.. heal and then try to live life without him, build a new routine and improve yoursled

  12. Strung Along

    June 9, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    So my ex broke up with me 3 months ago. After a month of NC we got on good terms again & I thought we were on the road to getting back together. We hooked up before commitment (I know a mistake) & maybe about 3 weeks after we were back in each other’s life & hooking up I find out he is seeing another girl. He never told me but I know. He strung me along for a couple more weeks leading me on & then dropped the we’re only friends bomb & spending all his time with her now. As far as he’s concerned he doesn’t know I know about her. The past 2 weeks he has treated me like dirt. Picking and choosing answering texts when before we had good communication. It’s like he wants nothing to do with me but won’t say it to my face. It’s disheartening because I am even ok being “just friends” with him as he says. I want to have a mature conversation about it and find out why we were fine before but now he wants nothing to do with me. So last week I asked him to do something & he told me he isn’t in the mood to see me. I asked if he had some issue with me since he has started treating me poorly lately & he says there is no problem & im the one being weird. I’m trying to get him to open up and tell me why he suddenly being quite rude to me, but he claims there is no problem. I didn’t contact him for a week after & This week I tried texting him a harmless message about a movie he talked to me about. No response. clearly there is a problem! The next day I asked if he has an issue with me because he seems to be ignoring me. He finally answered with I dont feel like talking. I told him that if he respected me & valued me he would have a mature conversation with me even if he doesn’t feel like talking. I told him last time he claimed there was no issue but clearly there is if you are acting this way (flat out ignoring me lately. Acting like you want nothing to do with me). He’s acting like a selfish child by refusing to communicate about whatever issue he is having. I don’t know what to do. I get it he is probably not answering to cut me out of his life so he can be with the other girl. But he should have the decency & respect to talk to me about why so suddenly he is acting this way & being rude. Friends don’t do that to eachother. I don’t know what to do!!!

  13. Destiny

    June 4, 2016 at 9:38 am

    My ex and I had an on again/ off again relationship for 3 years. He then completely ignored me and got into a rebound relationship. After 6 months of exhaustingly trying to reach out to him I finally followed the no contact rule. He heard the news that I was out of state back in my hometown and reached out to me to say good bye as I was also planning on permanently leaving my current residence. When I got back he decided to help me look for a job which was a success. We started dating again but that went sour as we became friends with benefits. Now he’s completely ignoring me again and has started a new relationship. I did the no contact again and tried reaching out to him this time but instead of getting a response from him I got a response from her saying that he wants nothing to do with you never because I control his life which I don’t find true at all and now she recently contacted me saying that she no longer sees him. Not only that I feel bad. I feel confused on why he would say I’m controlling his life when I was just trying to reach out to see how he was doing. Can you please help me understand this situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 13, 2016 at 12:52 pm

      Hi Destiny,

      maybe that’s just something he told her to assure her

  14. Danimariee

    April 3, 2016 at 8:05 am

    Hi Chris, came across a topic that I haven’t encountered on your site yet…what’s your take on “the rubber band theory”?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2016 at 9:15 am

      I’ll forward this to him and get back to you with hia thought okay? Thanks for asking!

  15. risa

    February 23, 2016 at 9:47 pm

    I’ve read the moving on article multiple times, and i find it hard because you want to implement a year long nc rule, is there anyway to move on, but still build rapport with an ex?

    1. risa

      February 24, 2016 at 9:31 pm

      is this something that should try to be done during the NC period?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2016 at 12:43 pm

      Ahm.. it means you’re no contact should focus on moving on.. so the length of no contact depends in how fast you move on

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 24, 2016 at 10:52 am

      Hi Risa,

      that means you have to be sure first that you really have moved on before trying to be friends with him…. The timeline depends on how fast you can move on

  16. Paula

    December 26, 2015 at 4:30 pm

    Hi Chris.
    My boyfriend and I broke up 3 months ago after a 4 year relationship. I’m a single mother living with my family and he wants me to be financially independent. Also, last year he changed jobs and moved 3 times and started binge drinking on the weekends.
    Since the breakup there has been fighting, crying, spending time together like we did in the past, and talk of working things out.
    I did NC once for 2 weeks and later for 3. During that time he would text and leave me drunken voicemail saying he loved me.
    Recently we have been seeing each other and I felt like he was really making an effort with me by calling me when he’s sober, making plans with me ahead of time, and not binge drinking. I, on the hand, have been very sensitive to everything he says and does, jealous of the other people in his life, angry and weepy. (I know. Not attractive.)
    He said he could understand that I have a lot of anger and hurt. He’s maintained that he loves me and that he doesn’t want anyone else. He says that we both have things that we need to work on and that we’re trying to figure things out.
    So after that conversation I didn’t hear from him for 4 days. I got it in my head that he was just using me and stringing me along. So I decided I would stop having sex with him, stop being so available and so emotional. Instead I got drunk and sent him a bunch of angry texts. He finally replied that he wanted me in his life but not romantically and that he would never have sex with me again. I asked if he was just fed up or if that was how he really felt and he said he would tell me later. It’s not the first time he’s said something like that when he was mad but it really gets to me.
    Later I texted apologizing for the things I said and wished him a happy holiday. He replied thank you. You as well. He hasn’t contacted me since and I’m kind of glad.
    I feel like I should do the NC thing again but this time for a month or longer to get my feelings in check and really work on myself.
    Do you think he was using me or really interested in working things out? Do you think there’s a chance for us down the road?

  17. Lisa

    December 23, 2015 at 10:04 pm

    Hi Chris. My ex and I broke up almost 4 months ago, due to lots of fighting (over nothing), and him saying he was depressed (us, work, family life). I saw him about 5 days later to exchange our stuff and he cried and asked if we could go on a break instead because he still loved me. I’m embarrassed to say, I did contact him during that time, in my defence my emotions were all over the place with “what it’s”. Anyway, 2 weeks later he said he still needed more time and couldn’t do it with me around. I asked him not to contact me. The next few days were a blur of him contacting me to see how I was, and me snapping at him. To the point that I said I wanted nothing to do with him. 3 weeks later, he contacted me, and asked to hang out. I wasn’t aware of the NC rule at this point, but I kindly responded that it wouldn’t be a good idea yet and he could ask me a little further down the track, there was no more to this conversation, It was brief. He asked me again 2 weeks later and I agreed. It was about this time I came across your website. We went on a day date, public, no pressure and we had so much fun. I even told him “I have to go” at the high point. True to your word, it made him text more and more. I’ve followed basically everything – kept texts short, not responded to some, brought up the past amazing memories, ended conversations first, haven’t been too available. Now, they’ve all worked in that I’m not always contacting him first, I’ve seen him 5 times since that first day (some his initiating, some mine), and they have all been great. He even came to my Graduation (something happened and my family couldn’t come anymore), gave me a present for my birthday, has told me he still loves me, and that he wants to hang out post Xmas to give me an Xmas present. My problem is, he doesn’t want to talk about anything. He gives little hints that he regrets what’s happened, but when it comes to talking, he stirs in another direction, cracks a joke and leaves it laying in the air. I’m at that point where I feel like I need to go backwards and do NC again. But more permanently. My balance with health, wealth and family is at the highest point it’s ever been. Although I think it’s working against us because he’s suffering in all those aspects and he has a big ego so I feel like my wins are affecting him. I guess my question is, should I force a good bye. Or should I continue to be there? I’m worried he’s just using me to get over the hurt of the break up, and let me go slowly as opposed to cold turkey! Sorry for the long text!

  18. laura

    October 22, 2015 at 1:34 pm

    I think my ex is/was stringing me along. We broke up almost a year ago. I tried modified no contact (we have kids) but staying at day 3 he was going crazy. I got 100s of emails, texts, calls, to the point he was messaging me on playstation network, fb, kik, letters, through friends, work…everywhere I went there was a message from him. I felt unable to move on during no contact. At 10 days I explained I just wanted some space. Over the last 10 months we began talking daily, seeing each other more, he calls everyday to say he loves me and though we haven’t talked about being together things were good. In the last month communication has pretty much dropped off. I asked him about it and he said things are the same since we broke up. Hes cancelled on me several times but when I see him he acts like everything is great and is very loving and affectionate. He does call me every couple days but it’s like about the weather or work. Totally trite conversations…nothing normal at all. I think he is seeing somebody but doesn’t want to tell me. That aside I’m not going to force him to tell me so I’m just going with the flow and acting like everything is fine.

    I’m thinking nc other than communication about the kids is the way to go. I think he’s distracted enough currently that I will not feel anxious or smothered and it will give us both time to reflect.

    1. laura

      October 23, 2015 at 1:01 am

      Oh and idk if it makes a difference but we’ve been together 11 years and I’m not sure If want to get back together. I was just enjoying how things were going but am not ready to push things forward at all.

  19. Cathy201

    October 15, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    I am totally confused i just think im losing it .
    We were together for a year and a half. We broke up because we fought too much and in aggressive ways. We broke up too many times. We stayed apart for a month and then again we started talking but he kept being uncertain and saying that he isnt sure if we can make it but he is sure he doesnt want the same fights again. That kept going on for four months since our break up. With me coming and going. Trying to get close,then feeling stressed confused and rejected with his apathy and then getting furious and angry and asking for explanations for his love and trying to cut it once and for all. Again and again. And then again from the top. With me always doing the first contact the first move ,the proposes to sleep together,to see each other,everything. He was just a receiver to the whole thing. Though he is always there if i need anything, absolutely anything. Reminding me that he and will always love me and care about me no matter what. Even when i was cursing on him or the times i was full with anger and disbelief for his love, he kept repeating he loves me and cares. But thats it. Whenever we are to meet ,or anything. No move at all. Ever. And his explanation is one. He just cant pit us through the same events again he cant stand that,he thought we might make it happen if we d go slow but he is too afraid. I tried too many times to fix everything, to take it slower and slower each time so that he wont feel pressure but i have feelings too. I feel so bad and insecure because of a rejection or with a cold reaction which gets me to react in an angry way and demanding explanations. So much crying so much pain Chris. And still negative. I can’t anymore i just cant get it. Is he stringing me along and why why would he ? Even the times whe slept together it was because of me contacting him and convincing him. He promised so pure love to me throughout the whole relationship and i received it thats why i keep fighting. or does he just want to end it but dont want to be or seem cruel? Please any piece of advise because im coming to a conclusion he just don’t want me anymore. If he wanted he would give just 1% of a try just a move something. That’s all i asked for after all.

    1. Cathy201

      October 15, 2015 at 9:32 pm

      I gave so many times ultimatums and then undoing them two-three days later, that at my last time which was yesterday he didn’t reply to the text at all. I just know i am so fed up with him not doing even the slightest but confessing so much love and sadness without me on the other hand. He just drives me crazy. (Plus last time i went over his place, he still has my toothbrush and a towel in his bathroom). I just want to know why why all that why…

  20. Amanda

    October 6, 2015 at 3:49 pm

    This reminds me so much of my recently ended relationship.

    Here is the back story … we have been dating for 2 years we moved in together in January of this year. We loved hard but we fought harder, there were a lot of good times but the bad times just kept outweighing the good based on the foot we started the relationship on (I wasn’t over my ex before him, and he continued to keep in contact with his ex behind my back as well) We started our relationship 4 weeks into knowing each other despite having no closure in our previous relationships. We talked about marriage and kids for our future as we got into this deeper, but throughout our relationship he was very sketchy about his phone and didn’t like having an open relationship when it came to phones, computers etc. I would constantly keep finding inappropriate text messages with other girls that were way more friendly then just texting a friend that is a girl. I kept threatening the relationship (mistake on my part) and told him I was done if he didn’t make an effort to be more open with his phone to gain my trust back. He would always beg for me to stay when I would threaten leaving. Finally 2 1/2 weeks ago he received a text message from a female co-worker at 12:30 at night, refused to be open with me about the text and deleted it before I could see it. I finally ended the relationship because I was done with the hiding of phones and him being shady. He tried salvaging it but I had to finally do something drastic to show him i would not tolerate the behavior and I moved out within a week. He continues to contact me , wants to hang out as friends, tells me he still loves me, misses me etc… yet he is still texting/hanging out with this other girl (co-worker). He wants to keep me around as a “friend” to see if it leads to salvaging something in the future (I’m 90% sure the new girl is rebound). He swears he never cheated but admitted that they are “talking” 5 days after we broke up. I just found your wonderful site a few days ago and want to start the NC rule, but I’m afraid me stepping away will just allow his new rebound girl to blossom into something more. He tells me she means nothing to him and that he just wants to figure out what he wants in life and if this is something worth revisiting in the future. Should I just stop answering his text messages cold turkey and start NC without saying anything first or tell him I can’t sit here on the sidelines and be friends with him while he tries to pursue this rebound and then start NC?

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