Welcome to episode 35 of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.
Today’s episode is unique in the fact that while it does cover how to figure out if an ex boyfriend is stringing you along with false hope it is so much more than that.
We hear from “depressed in Atlanta” a woman who is desperately searching for answers.
Like always, here is a quick rundown of her situation,
- She broke up with her boyfriend 2 weeks ago
- He claims that he broke up with her because she was depressed and didn’t know what to do with her life
- He was upset with her and needed time (why was he upset when he was the one that broke up with her?)
- She is worried that she is being strung along by him
- She feels all of this is making her more emotional than normal
- She always seems to contact him first
Lets see what we can do about giving her some answers.
What I Talk About In This Episode
- The Win/Win Situation “Depressed in Atlanta” Is In
- The Top Three Mistakes That She Is Making (So Far)
- The Holy Trinity (Yet Again)
- A Huge Problem I Continually See Women Making
- The Two Paths “Depressed in Atlanta” Is Faced With
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
The Top Three Mistakes That “Depressed in Atlanta” Is Making
When I listened to “Depressed in Atlanta’s” situation I immediately noticed that she is making three major mistakes (if she decides to get her ex back.) I talked a lot about those mistakes on this episode.
What I would like to do is talk a little about them for you in the show notes here.
Mistake #1- No NC
Depressed in Atlanta doesn’t seem to have even entertained the idea of doing a no contact rule.
Now, for those of you who are familiar with Ex Boyfriend Recovery you will know that the no contact rule is kind of a big deal for me.
What is one of the many reasons for why we use NC?
Well, that leads us to our next mistake.
Mistake #2- Being Too Available
Want to know what is unattractive to males?
A woman who they are too available for.
I know it’s kind of important for being in a relationship but you aren’t in a relationship anymore.
You are single and when you are single the rules are a little bit different.
Mistake #3- Not Ending Conversations Soon Enough
“Depressed in Atlanta” complained that she was always the one that had to start the conversations with her ex.
But from what I have heard from her she has done nothing to earn a “reach out” from him.
Ending conversations early can help here.
Welcome to Episode 35 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. What is going on in the world of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery? As many of you know, I use this podcast as a way of reaching out to you on a weekly basis and updating you on the way things are going. The redesign of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery brand went live about a month ago. Things have been looking really great. The feedback from the redesign has been very positive. I’m really happy to report that.
I’ve also been talking with my wife and it looks like we’re going to be doing this coaching idea. I want to run something by you again. I want to get your feedback on this idea. Tell me if it’s something that you would be interested in. I’m hoping that I get a lot of comments on the show notes of this episode. Please give me your feedback on what I’m about to run by you here. You can go to www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode35.
My wife and I have decided to do some joint coaching. How this is going to work is pretty simple. You’re going to get my entire Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro system, the ebook and the audio book. I’m also creating a new product that I haven’t really told anyone about. This is the first time I’m mentioning it to the public.
It’s going to be a texting bible. Imagine that you are in the process of getting your ex back. You are undergoing this campaign to get him back. You’re in the texting phase. You’re wondering, “What should I send to him in this particular situation?” I’m creating a huge glossary of texts that explains, in depth, every single text.
It’s going to have hundreds, maybe even as high as 500 text messages that you can send. They are meant to cover every single situation you could possibly find yourself in. If you find yourself in a situation where your ex is being negative in his responses, there will be text messages to get him to go from negative to positive.
You’ll get the Pro system. You’ll get this texting bible. You’ll get another product that I’m working on that will be live very soon about the un-gettable girl. In addition to that, you will get customized game plans from either me or my wife. We will be answering every single one of your questions by email on a 24 hour basis. You will be guaranteed an in depth response.
This isn’t going to be a tiny, little response that you would get if you commented in the comments section of the website. This is in depth stuff here that I’m talking about. You pay a monthly fee. You get access to all of this information. You email us information about your situation. We come up with a very in depth, complicated, sophisticated, complex game plan to help you get your ex back. We help you follow that game plan.
Anytime you have questions along the way or something changes with your ex, let’s say the no contact rule isn’t working out for you or you have questions about certain things, just email us. We will answer it. You’re guaranteed a response within a day, probably sooner. The responses will be very in depth. This is as much hands on as we can possibly get.
We’ll be creating files for the people who sign up for this coaching so that we have a chart of information that we can refer to in order to really help people. That’s what this is all about. We really want to help people get their exes back. We don’t just want to stop at helping someone get their ex back. Things happen. I can’t ever 100% guarantee that you’re going to get your ex-boyfriend back. In the event that you don’t, we can even help you move on. We want to be with you from start to finish. We essentially want to help you put your life back together.
This kind of coaching isn’t for everyone. This is really hands on. We are going to be communicating daily. There will only be a maximum of 30 spots open for this kind of coaching. It will probably end up going fast. We’ll do a trial run in a few months and see how it works out. I really want to get your thoughts on it.
What can we do to make this coaching idea better for you? Right now, we’re just brainstorming. My wife and I have talked a lot about it for the past month or two. Now I want to involve you. I want to hear some of your thoughts about what can make this coaching better. Is what I described to you enough to make you interested in something like that?
You will be getting customized game plans from two ex experts. You will be getting 24 hour guidance. There are going to be in depth responses to answer every single question you have. We will basically hold your hand along the way, which is probably what a lot of you expect out of a “get your ex back” expert. We’re making the coaching live in a few months. Again, I want to get your feedback.
Let’s get to today’s question. Today we’re going to hear from a woman named Depressed in Atlanta. That’s obviously not her real name. She chose to go by a handle, which is perfectly fine.
She has an interesting question about her ex-boyfriend stringing her along:
“Hi, this is Depressed in Atlanta. My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago because he thought I was unhappy all the time and I didn’t know what I was doing with my life. I went to pick up my stuff from his house two days later. We ended up talking and having a really constructive conversation about everything.
He even kissed me goodbye and called me “babe” when I left, which had me feeling very confused. I’ll admit, I called and emailed him a few times after that. He reached out to me and helped me with a job interview. He says we shouldn’t chit-chat every day, but he is here if I need him.
He says he is confused and feels that it is bittersweet that I seem to have changed and become the person he wanted me to be when we were together, now that we have broken up. He said he still loves and cares about me but is also still upset with me and needs time. He can’t say for sure if we will get back together.
It’s making me more emotional than if he had just ended things and I thought it was over. He says the only time he wants to get back with me is when I am positive. I talked to him for two hours last night but he never contacts me. I’m having trouble motivating myself to move on and not be depressed all the time or contact him. What should I do? Is he stringing me along? Thanks.”
Thanks for the question, Depressed in Atlanta. I’m really glad to feature you on the podcast here. Hopefully we can help you out. I think I can. You didn’t really ask a question about getting him back. You asked if he was stringing you along. I’m going to go above and beyond for you. I’m not just going to stop at answering your simple question of, “Is he stringing me along?” I’m going to go above and beyond. I’m going to tell you the two options that you have at this point and come up with a small, strategic game plan for you.
Let’s do a quick recap of your situation for the listeners. Your ex-boyfriend broke up with you about two weeks ago. He said the reason was that you seemed depressed and you didn’t know what to do with your life. It’s weird because he also says that he’s upset with you and needs time. I don’t know. That’s a strange claim to me. He’s the one who broke up with you. How could he be upset? I supposed he can be upset about a breakup, but if he’s citing these depressed reasons, or whatever BS he’s pulling out here, his words don’t make the most sense to me. He said he was upset with you and needs time. It seems like he is stringing you along. It seems to be making you a bit more emotional than you normally are.
You say that you are always the first one to contact him, and you can’t get him to contact you first. He also said that, when you do talk, you seem more positive to him now. He said it’s bittersweet and it’s almost like you are the person he wanted while you were in the relationship together. But he’s just not ready and willing to take that next step to getting back into a relationship with you. Again, you’re asking if he’s stringing you along.
I’ll answer that first. Even though I know this episode is entitled “Is he stringing you along?” I’m not as interested in that. It’s a small question. No, I don’t think he’s stringing you along. I think he’s a mess with his own emotions and he does not know what he wants. That’s the honest truth.
When I listened to your situation and thought about it, I think he’s just a mess himself and doesn’t know what he wants. Those are my thoughts on it. Is he stringing you along? No, I don’t think he is. I think he honestly doesn’t know what he wants. He wants you sometimes. He doesn’t want you sometimes. It’s a normal human reaction, in certain instances.
Let’s get into the more interesting stuff. The first thing I want to talk about is his depressing comment. He mentioned that you were depressed and that you didn’t know what you wanted to do with your life. This isn’t for you, Depressed in Atlanta. This is more for everyone listening. This is basically out of the beast’s mouth. I’m constantly talking about the holy trinity, this idea of health, wealth and relationships merging together. That’s really what makes a person attractive, not only to him or herself, but to others as well.
What did this guy say to you, Depressed in Atlanta? He basically said, “You don’t have your life together. You look depressed and it’s unattractive to me.” That falls under the wealth and health categories. The health part is because you seem depressed, at least according to your ex-boyfriend. The wealth part is because of the job aspect. She doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life. He’s helping her get an interview.
For those of you who are doubting the health, wealth and relationship portions of my philosophy of becoming more attractive to a man, it’s right here from the beast’s mouth. This is from an actual man that’s not me. Even if you don’t trust what I’m saying about health, wealth and relationships and how you need to merge them together to create this holy trinity of attractiveness and the un-gettable girl, other men are saying this. It’s sewn into us.
It’s not just men. It’s people in general. Let’s pretend that you have your ex-boyfriend in front of you. You take two women of equal looks. Nothing is different about them. They have the same personality and same looks. Except one person has the holy trinity aspect of her life completely put together. Health, wealth and relationships are phenomenal.
The other person, on the other hand, has horrible health. She looks attractive, but she smokes all the time. In about five to ten years, she’s going to gain a bunch of weight. She has all sorts of physical problems. She’s dirt poor. She has no friends and she’s a little psycho when she gets a boyfriend.
Given the two options, which would a guy find more attractive? The girl who has the holy trinity on her side. That’s the first piece of knowledge that I want to drop on you, Depressed in Atlanta. Taking your ex-boyfriend out of the equation, merging health, wealth and relationships together is going to create happiness in your life. I think that’s a really important thing for you to grasp and start implementing.
I always find it really difficult to balance the three. For example, lately I’ve been on a health kick. As a result, I feel that my wealth and relationships have suffered a little bit. I’ve been putting more of my energy into health. I live in Pennsylvania. The winter is pretty harsh here. I’m a huge tennis fan. I like to go out and play tennis every single day. It keeps me active. It keeps me in shape. I kind of get insane with it sometimes.
During the winter, I couldn’t go out and play tennis so I completely pushed health out of the way and focused on wealth. I always feel like I have this constant battle of trying to merge the three, the health, wealth and relationship aspects together. The way I try to live my life is to try to find a balance between the three. Set aside a certain amount of time for your health every single day. Set aside a certain amount of time for wealth every day, that’s going to work and doing a phenomenal job at work.
Then set aside a certain amount of time for your relationships with your loved ones, friends and family. If you can merge these three together seamlessly and find a perfect balance between the three, good things are going to happen to you. Every time I’ve ever found a balance between the three, good things have always happened to me. I’ve always been happier in my relationships. My wealth has gone up and my health has gone up. That’s the holy trinity.
Depressed in Atlanta, the best piece of advice that I can give you today is to find a way to balance these three aspects. You need your wealth improved, according to your ex. I don’t think you should do it for your ex. I think you should do it for yourself. Also, don’t just make it all about your wealth. Find a way to merge the three.
When I look at your situation, Depressed in Atlanta, I think you have a pretty decent shot at getting your ex back. I don’t say that to everyone. There are some people who don’t have a decent shot of getting their ex back. The truth of the matter is that I’m all about numbers when it comes to this. I look at a percentage.
For example, someone who cheated on her ex-boyfriend six times with six different guys and was caught every single time is not going to have a high percentage shot of winning her ex-boyfriend back, as compared to someone in your position.
You are probably in one of the better situations compared to a lot of the women on my site. You’re in what I like to call a win-win scenario. There are two paths you can take. Either path you take will end up as a win for you in the end. The first path is probably what everyone is going to tell you the most. Move on. The second path is to try to get him back. I look at that as a win because you have such a high percentage shot of succeeding in winning him back if you do a certain amount of things correctly.
I’ll save the moving on part until later. There are advantages to doing that. But let’s focus on what you and the listeners want to hear about—getting him back.
When I look at your situation, I notice three big mistakes that you are making in your campaign to win your ex-boyfriend back. This is according to Ex-Boyfriend Recovery’s philosophy and what I like to teach. The first mistake is pretty simple. You’re not doing no contact. The no contact rule is an essential step of this process. The best way I can describe it is that it serves as a reset button. You press that reset button and, while things may not be as good as they were when you were in the courting phase of your relationship, you will be in a better spot, most likely. Again, I’m playing the percentages here. Most likely, you will be in a better spot by pressing that reset button. Your ex-boyfriend won’t be flaming mad at you all the time.
The no contact rule also helps make him miss you more. It also helps reassert your authority and show him that you are not too available to him.
This brings me to my next big problem. You are being too available for him. I don’t think you necessarily have this problem, but a huge problem I see from everyone on the website is that a lot of women are way too attached to their situation. They have this “all or nothing” mentality. They have this mentality that it’s the absolute end of the world if they don’t get their ex back. It’s not.
The world is not going to stop spinning if you don’t get your ex back. Just because you don’t get your ex back right now doesn’t mean there’s not a chance in the future. A lot of women don’t realize that. Being too attached to your situation makes you too available.
I can use my wife as an example here. When we were in the courting phase of our relationship and I was trying to get her to be my girlfriend, every time she would text me, I would immediately fumble for my phone and check. It got me trained like a puppy dog. I was checking my phone every five minutes, hoping for a text message from her.
I was very invested in the situation. I’m not sure that was the best thing. It almost made me obsessed. It probably would have been healthier for me not to have been so invested in it. I’ve talked with my wife and understand her perspective now that I’m married to her. I can ask her and get the truth from her on what she was thinking. Back in the courting phase, she was not as into the situation as I was. I had this “all or nothing” mentality. I was lucky enough to make it work but I know more about relationships than the average person. I had more tricks up my sleeve.
When it comes to exes, being too invested in your situation leads to things like neediness and not ending conversations soon enough. That’s the third biggest problem I see that you’re making. You mentioned that you talked to your ex-boyfriend for over two hours and it was a constructive conversation. Constructive conversations are good but I cannot overstate the importance of ending the conversation first, and ending it at the high point. This is essential. It is a mistake talking to your ex for that amount of time. You are not doing anything to leave him wanting more. He mentioned that he’s confused, he doesn’t know what to do and it’s bittersweet how you seem more positive now. If you would have ended the conversations first, it wouldn’t always be you texting him first. He would have a reason to want to text you first.
You can go to my sales page for Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro to get an idea of the process of ending the conversation first, and the process of the Ziegarnik Effect. It’s an effect that states that people remember uncompleted tasks better than completed ones. It’s the philosophy that all people on TV shows implement. A TV show ends on a cliffhanger. It ends at the high point of the episode. It keeps a viewer coming around to the next episode, a week later. It keeps them invested in the show. There is a whole week-long period that goes by where a lot of viewers can drop off.
The same thing goes with your ex-boyfriend. He can lose interest in you very easily, especially when you’re trying to reignite this passionate relationship with him again.
I would say, Depressed in Atlanta, the biggest pieces of advice that I can give you are the holy trinity, getting the health, wealth and relationships perfectly melded together in your life, doing no contact, not being too available and ending the conversations at the high point, and ending it first. Those are three important, quick strategies that I can give you from what you’ve told me.
Obviously, if we were doing more of a coaching type thing, I could give you much more in depth analysis, more strategies that you can implement and a super game plan if you were trying to get him back. I don’t know if you’re trying to get him back. I think you’re trying to look for some answers. It seems like you’re hurt, and that’s completely understandable.
Let’s talk about the first path. I said that you were in a win-win scenario where you had two paths you could choose. The first one was moving on. The second one was getting him back, which we just talked about.
Why is moving on a win-win scenario? Too many women out there have this mentality that, if they don’t get their ex back, the world is going to end. Again, it’s not. The “recovery” part of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery has two meanings. One is recovering your ex-boyfriend. Two is recovering from your ex-boyfriend in the event that you don’t recover your ex-boyfriend.
Getting over your boyfriend can be very helpful. It can go either way here. You’re in a situation where it’s a win-win scenario. Even if you do everything right and don’t get him back, you can just move on and be okay. I promise that it’s possible. But if you decide to move on, you have to be committed to moving on. I mean that you need to block him completely from your life.
There is a well-written, in depth article I wrote about how to get over your ex-boyfriend. I will link to that in the show notes of this episode. You can go to www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode35. I wrote it about a year and a half ago. It is possibly a little bit outdated. I do have plans to write more about how to get over your ex-boyfriend.
If you decide to go down this path, definitely take a look at that article. That’s probably the best thing I can recommend to you right now, other than completely cutting him out. That would be the easiest way to get over him and be disciplined about it.
Those are my thoughts on your situation, Depressed in Atlanta. I took my own approach to it. I answered your question about stringing along. I think I gave a lot of good information in this episode. For those who listened all the way to the end of this episode, thank you for listening. Feel free to comment and give me your feedback on the coaching idea.
Feel free to leave podcast questions. The more specific questions you ask, the better I can answer them. Again, I’ll put a link in the show notes to my SpeakPipe and contact page where you can leave me a voicemail for this podcast. I’m going to sign off for today. Thanks for listening. Thank you for being a fan of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery brand.