By EBR Team Member: Ashley

So it seems really weird that you are in a situation where a person that loved and cared about you so much doesn’t even want to speak to you…

It’s unsettling and hurtful. It’s a difficult pill to swallow, right?

These thoughts are probably going through your head right now…

“Why won’t he talk to me?”

“We’ve known each other for 3 years! We’ve done so much together!”

“How could he just toss me aside like that? He’s told me so many times he loves me!”

You probably spend hours obsessed with what he’s thinking. You are enamored as to why he won’t speak to you.

Unfortunately, this is all very typical of an ex after a breakup.

There are a lot of reasons why your ex may not want to talk to you.

And we will talk about those today, along with some other things.

  1. Why Your Ex Doesn’t Want To Talk To You
  2. What Your Options Are In Dealing With This
  3. How To Make Him Contact You First

Why Your Ex Doesn’t Want To Talk To You

Now I could bust out a long list of reasons covering why your ex might not be cool with talking to you… right now. That “right now” is important. Remember that “right now.” We’ll talk about it again.

Actually, you know what? I AM going to give you a long list of reasons.

You ready?

  • Your Ex Could Be Over You
  • He Could Be Involved In a Rebound
  • It Could Be Painful For Your Ex To See Or Talk To You After The Breakup
  • Your Ex Could Be Mad At You

Now, I want to talk about these for a minute before we move on.

First things first, your ex could be over you.

I put that one first because it is least likely. And it’s the one you are least likely to want to hear. So… it’s out of the way.

Besides, it takes time to get over someone. It doesn’t just happen overnight. Why do you think you miss your ex so much?

If you could will that love for them away you would wouldn’t you?

And what is the one thing people keep telling you it’s gonna take?

Time, right?

And if time has passed it’s still unlikely, because it generally takes a lot of time.

Then, there’s the pain.

Breakups suck, man… for both the Breaker and the Break-ee. (Is that a word? Well, it is now.)

The pain of a breakup can be comparable to having someone you love pass away.

Now, I will venture to say that everyone reading this has lost someone at some point, even if it was a pet.

After a breakup, you start to wonder some things you might wonder if you lost someone,

“Is he gone forever?”

“How can I even begin to move on?”

“I am so heartbroken. Can I just lay in bed and cry all day?”

Well, believe it or not, your ex will go through some version of that too. So, if your ex refuses to talk to you, it could be because he is hurting still from the breakup.

Or, if your breakup was a particularly messy one and he ended up being mad at you, it could just be that he isn’t over that initial anger. This is probably likely if the two of you had a fight or an argument that led up to the breakup.

There is another reason that could cause this communication freeze out. You aren’t going to want to think about this one either.

If he is in a rebound relationship, he might be respecting her feelings or wishes by cutting you out. Which bodes well for you because that means she’s insecure in general, in the relationship, or both. Eventually, he’ll have enough of that. being insecure is not attractive.

No matter what, you have options as to what you can do that will bring him back. If you do it right, you could win him back for good.

What Your Options Are In Dealing With This

Aw… guess what… another list!!

  • You Can Chase
  • You Can Beg
  • You Can Wish
  • You Can Pray

OR…

I said OR…

  • You Can Get Him Back

Let me say that again…

You. Can. Get. Him. Back.

Yeah. Yeah. I know that “You Can Chase” one sounds like a great idea right now while you’re missing him. Right?

Wrong!

You shouldn’t chase or beg. And you definitely shouldn’t sit around wishing, hoping or, praying for him to come back.

That last one though… it’s the one.

You should definitely do that. You should definitely NOT do whatever you are thinking about doing. Instead, you should finish reading this article before you do anything.

Let’s get your ex back.

You know what I am gonna say now, right?

Well, if you thought I was going to tell you how to get him back using Ex Boyfriend Recovery tactics… you would be right!

How To Make Him Contact You First

Okay, so your first instinct to make him contact you would be to contact him.

Trust me. I know. I’ve been there.

And I’ve watched thousands of women come through the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Group and every single one of them has that urge to contact their ex.

Can you guess what the first thing I am going to tell you NOT to do?

Our first step of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Process is actually called No Contact.

If you guessed that it means that you ABSOLUTELY should NOT contact your ex. You would be 100% correct.

At EBR we have three different lengths of time for No Contact based on your specific situation, 21, 30, or 45 days.

If you are missing your ex, everything in your mind will tell you to contact him in some manner.

And I am here to say… that your mind is wrong.

Fight that urge, because No Contact is effective and it will effectively make your ex realize that he misses you too.

During this time, you will want to just sit around and wait for his call. If you do that you will be miserable and you will not get your ex back.

I bet you are wondering,

“what am I supposed to do for 21, 30, or 45 days?”

Well, the answer for that is to become an Ungettable Girl. I know that’s another unfamiliar

Essentially, becoming Ungettable is becoming the best version of yourself.

But if you want a more detailed description here is a link to several articles:

The Ungettable Girl

The 6 Things That Are Keeping You From Being Ungettable

How to Be Confident When You Feel Like Crap After a Breakup

Essentially, during this time you are going to work on a few aspects of your life. We call these aspects The Holy Trinity. They are Health, Wealth, and Relationships.

What you are going to do is make improvements in these areas of your life.

For example, for health you would possibly choose to focus your energy on exercise or nutrition.

For wealth, you might try and shoot for a promotion or a raise. You could learn how to manage your finances. You could make an investment or several.

For relationships, it could be with your family. It could be with your friends. It could be with yourself.

And this isn’t just to fill the time. While you are creating space and distance, your ex will start to miss you. Once you get through No Contact, you get to reconnect with your ex and build rapport with him.

Imagine this. What will be more effective?

“Hi! I’m so glad you agreed to have coffee. You look great. Yeah, absolutely nothing has changed since we broke up. All of those things that led to our breakup that I had a hand in… still here.”

OR

“Hi! I’m so glad you agreed to have coffee. I’m glad to hear that things are going well for you. Things are going pretty great for me too. I’ve really gotten my life together since we split up.”

If you don’t have any improvements to bring to the table, how do you think he’ll react next time you want to get together?

Well…like I mentioned earlier, not caring and living your life without worrying about him will solve most of the question automatically.

But having something to show for your time apart. Man!

He’ll start to wonder,

“Why’s she doing so good without me?”

“Is she better off?”

“Has she moved on?

So, you have No Contact and you can become Ungettable.

But, you can also use the Circle of Influence.

Three people are a triangle… Four people are a rectangle. But five they make a circle… or a pentagon. But, who has time to figure out all those angles?!

Most people have at least five people in their lives whose opinions they care about. They’ll listen to what they have to say even if they don’t like it.

Think about it.

Who makes up your circle of influence?

Your parents? Your siblings? Your friends?

I bet each of those people has asked about your relationship since the breakup. Even if they are trying to be nice and avoid mentioning it, they will eventually. They may have even asked if you had heard from your ex.

But, have you noticed that, when they find out something new about your ex, they always come running to tell you about it?

Well, guess what. Your ex has a circle of influence too and you can use it against him.

If your ex isn’t talking to you it’s likely he also unfriended you on Facebook or unfollowed you on Instagram. He may have even blocked your number if you gnatted him.

Let me define that word there for you because we kind of made it up.

Gnatting (v) to annoy by contact or attempting to contact incessantly.

If he won’t talk to you, how will he see how well you’re doing?

I know, you were probably wondering that yourself. And if you weren’t… well, you probably are now.

So, here’s your answer.

Think about those people in your ex’s circle of influence. Who is your ex most likely to listen to? There should be several.

Now, are you friends with any of them on social media or in real life.

Okay, instead of focusing on whether or not your ex sees your improvements or at least that you aren’t pining for him (and even if you are, just pretend.)

This works amazingly…especially if you have an ex that is so stubborn!

Be careful though.

If you over-post on social media, it will be obvious that you are trying to get someone’s attention.

If you typically post on social media twice a week, don’t post 10 times in one week!

The idea here is to make your ex come to the conclusion, on his own (possibly with help from his Circle of Influence of course), that you are not worried about him and are doing just fine!

I don’t mean to say “Use your friends,” but USE YOUR FRIENDS!

Live the UG (Ungettable Girl) life and hint at those improvements you make on social media.

The UG doesn’t worry about anybody!

At least that’s what you show everyone.

Never mention anything to these friends about your intentions to get your ex back. Don’t post anything that will indicate that you are worried about him or want him back either.

This will do all the damage you need it to do…

He will go crazy about why you are doing so well right after the breakup. He will be frustrated and curious as to how you can handle this so well.

And you know what that will drive him to do?

It will drive him to talk to you!

Once you reconnect with him after No Contact, there is one thing I can tell you. You should watch how comfortable you get with your ex when you do finally talk.

Don’t try and talk about getting back together until he shows interest in getting back together. Trust me, if you have to ask… he’s not there yet.

Constantly asking about the relationship or about getting back together will do the opposite of what you want to accomplish.

Guys have super-huge egos and enjoy feeling like they can have as many women as they want.

Making you feel rejected feeds his ego. It makes him feel as if he can control you.

If you chase after him like that you are giving him permission to treat you however badly he wants. You want to create a challenge for him. You can’t do that if you are constantly pestering him about getting back together.

 

The Take-Away

Okay, now that I have laid all of this out there and given you the resources to follow through on it, let’s recap.

You should now know:

  1. Why Your Ex Doesn’t Want To Talk To You
  2. What Your Options Are In Dealing With This
  3. How To Make Him Contact You First

Now that you have all of this information, you should be all set, right?

Well, even if that is true, I am going to give you access to one more resource… OUR TEAM!!

In the comments below, tell me about your breakup. What have you done since the breakup. Have you gnattted your ex? How extreme has the not-talking-to-you been?

Based on that information, our experts will help determinewhat your best next action should be. And, together, we will have your ex reaching out in no time.