By Chris Seiter

Updated on March 8th, 2021

You’re here on my website because you probably want your ex back.

Maybe you just broke up and are thinking about getting your ex back or maybe you’ve been trying different techniques for a while and they’re not quite working. When do you know it’s not worth trying anymore?

Today we’re going to talk about the 5 signs that your ex-boyfriend is never coming back.

That’s right – NEVER coming back.

Most of my videos like this are about signs that your ex will “probably” not come back, but today is about the absolute non-negotiables.

Truth is, a lot of exes will swear up and down that they’re never coming back but with enough time, they come around. Why?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

It’s All About Regrets

One of the things that I’m really intrigued by is people’s regrets at the end of their life because I think this is a perfect litmus test to the mindset of someone who maybe has regrets about a breakup.

So I went searching about what some of the biggest regrets are in life for people who are just about to die and here’s what I learned:

  1. They didn’t pursue their dreams.
  2. They felt that they worked too hard
  3. They regret not expressing their feelings to the one that they love.

The third regret is obviously the one I’m trying to focus on here. So if you’re sitting there wondering why an ex would come back and express their feelings to you years later, it’s regret.

But that’s actually not what we’re going to be looking at today. What we’re looking for are non-negotiable signs that your ex will never come back to you or even a few signs that you should never get back with an ex.

Sign # 1: Your Ex Is Happily Married To Someone Else.

If you’re rolling your eyes thinking “duhh” – don’t.

Unfortunately, this isn’t as clear or black and white as most people assume.

Simply being married is sadly not a technical non-negotiable, because I can’t tell you how often ex-boyfriends will cheat on their wives.

But remember, if he can cheat on her with you, he can cheat on you with someone else.

But we’re looking for solid non-negotiables here so pay close attention to my wording – I said if your ex is “happily” married, meaning he and his wife (possibly kids) are living their best life, then there is absolutely no point trying to get them back.

In fact, I even offer refunds to my clients whose exes are married because trying to get a married man is just a morally gross thing to do.

It’s not a good look on your frame of mind, especially because it often hurts more than one person.

You really don’t want to be the “other woman” or “homewrecker” who was the reason a family broke up.

Sign # 2: Your Ex Literally Walked In On You Cheating On Them

Unfortunately, cheating is one of the big things that we see throughout our website.

It’s not always the only reason for a breakup but it’s usually at least a contributing factor. Personally, I think it’s one of the hardest things to come back from but we have had some success..

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

However, we have NEVER had success if your ex has physically witnessed you cheating on them.

You see there’s a huge difference in knowing someone cheated on you and actually catching them in the act. Both are traumatizing and hurtful but seeing your significant other with someone else is WAY more potent and harder to forget/forgive.

Add to that the differences between why men and women cheat and it’s even more difficult to get over. The differences in cheating come from the differences in how men and women perceive sex.

When you look at how men deal with sex, they often deal with sex as a way to release stress. So, a man could still be in love with you and cheat on you. That’s different from how women view sex. For women, sex is very emotional. So it takes more trouble in a relationship to drive women towards cheating.

Women need to look and feel nice before sex and the mood needs to be perfect, etc. But a man might just get home from a long day at work and want to destress with sex, but his simple approach might not work because the woman just isn’t in the right frame of mind at the time.

And this is where a disconnect can happen because the woman will often think that’s all that he wants me for. Yet there’s a communication error because no one is communicating their thoughts clearly to the other side. And this can actually be a huge indicator of why relationships decline especially when they’ve been together for a long time.

But we’re kinda getting off-topic here.

The truth is that if you cheated on your ex, most of the time you’re gonna be checked out of the relationship anyway so it’s not really worth it to try again.

But if you are in that rare circumstance, because there are always outliers, where you essentially have had an ex walking on you cheating with some guy and you still want them back, I’m telling you the chances are so low I have never seen it happen.

Now, I do want to point out here that this is different from your ex finding out that you cheated on them. This is actually them witnessing the act. So if you are in a situation where you made a mistake and you cheated on your ex but they didn’t actually witness it, there is some hope.

It’s still harder than getting over an average breakup though because it takes a lot of work (perhaps even couples therapy ) to get over a cheating incident and rebuilt trust. And oftentimes you have to bear the brunt of that and some people just aren’t willing to do that.

Sign #3. Your Ex Won’t Respond To Anything You Reach Out To Them With

Having some sort of communication is absolutely necessary before you can get your ex back.

So, if you’re reaching out with the best text messages, you can think of and they’re not responding at all, your ex is probably really checked out and you don’t have a chance because guess what?

There’s no way you can get someone back without first communicating with them in some way, shape, or form.

So, let’s say a few months have gone by in your breakup and you’ve done a no contact rule and you’ve reached out to them multiple times only to get no response.

So you try your hand at maybe reaching them on Facebook or Instagram or literally any way you can think of to get their attention, but they still haven’t responded.

Then months go by, you let them have some more time and you try again. You reach out again and all the same ways. This time maybe even try to call them and you leave a voicemail yet nothing has happened.

And in some cases, let’s say your ex has blocked you and you can’t get in touch with them at all. It just seems impossible and let’s say three or four months go by they haven’t unblocked you. It’s a pretty good bet that they have moved on.

Most exes generally only block you on one or two mediums of communication, leaving at least one way open. So if you’re blocked everywhere for more than four months, it’s time to give up on trying to get them back.

Sign # 4. They Are Unbelievably Cruel When They Respond To You

While sign # 3 didn’t get you any responses, this is the opposite – only cruel responses.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Recently in our private Facebook support group, we had a client who reached out to her ex and her ex responded by basically posting a photo of him and another girl.

It was unbelievably cruel, petty, and definitely a sign that this particular client should not ever try to win someone back like this.

People who respond in cruel ways with an intent to be malicious with their texts do not deserve your time. It’s become a huge pet peeve of mine when I’ll be working with someone and I can just see them give all of their efforts to this ex-significant other who doesn’t deserve it.

I’m not saying your ex always needs to respond positively. In fact, neutral responses or even negative responses like “why are you messaging me?” are okay, but what’s not okay is for them to respond with a picture of them making out with someone else in a strip club.

This is a perfect indication that the person you’re trying to get back is not only not worth getting back, but you should immediately run for the hills.

Yet the problem will continue to persist because guess what?

People who want their exes back rarely change their minds about wanting to get their exes back.

That’s why we have them go through the no contact period so they can get into this mindset where they feel like they’re moving on without moving on.

But some exes are just extraordinarily cruel and sometimes it’s worth walking away because they’re not going to treat you any differently when they do get into a relationship with you if you get them back.

These exes will manipulate and use you and make you doubt your worth. In some extreme cases, they may even abuse you…

Sign # 5: You Are Being Abused Physically Or Emotionally

This one is really difficult to deal with because victims of abuse (both physical and emotional) are often in denial so they either run away from the problem of they just try to compartmentalize it so they don’t have to think about it. We see this happen the most in cases of emotional abuse because it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking ” at least he’s not physically hurting me”

But what about the emotional and mental hurt?

If your ex is emotionally abusing you or you look back at your relationship clearly and see evidence of emotional abuse, it’s a good sign that you just need to walk away.

It can be one of the hardest things to do because like I said, most people who want to get their exes back will not change their minds. Here’s the thing though: just like you won’t change your mind, your ex won’t change who he is.

Sure, he may put on an act of being a new person if you get back together but it’ll never last long, and you’ll always be walking on eggshells around him to not get on his bad side.
Change is a very hard thing to happen. I think human beings CAN change and that’s what makes us so unique. We can look at a problem and change our way of approaching that problem.

Yet when it comes to something that is so embedded into our personality, change does not come easy.

In fact, in my personal experience, I’ve only experienced massive personality changes in life-changing events. Now a breakup can be traumatic but it’s usually not a life-threatening or life-changing event that will cause your ex to have an epiphany and look at things in a new way.

So what will happen is they’ll promise you that they’ll be better. They will get back with you and they will be better at first, but slowly but surely they will get back to their abusive tendencies and you are just right back where you started.

That is why you should grade such people with the hardest scale possible when you look back at your relationship. You need to catch the signs of abuse and run the other direction as soon as you see them.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

That’s it, there’s no ifs and buts.

Do not allow yourself to be abused, even if it seems small and emotional.


Sometimes an ex just won’t come back or isn’t worth wanting back and here are the five signs that can help you identify that:

  1. Your ex is happily married to someone else
  2. Your ex walked in on you cheating on them
  3. Your ex won’t respond to you at all
  4. Your ex only gives you cruel responses
  5. Your ex was physically or emotionally abusing you

What to Read Next

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

4 thoughts on “Signs That He Isn’t Ever Coming Back”

  1. Cici

    March 13, 2021 at 10:18 pm

    Love ALL of these articles. They are currently helping me deal with my current situation. There was a solid 30 day interval we didn’t talk after he ‘left’. But left all of his things/animals at my house. At the end of the 30 days.. he finally came for them, leaving one of the animals behind. I wasn’t as prepared as I thought to see everything go, but I did not beg for him to stay. I did however slightly push for a reason why. He didn’t like it, but a few days after that day, he did text saying he would come see my daughter the following week. She requested to see him one last time. (I know, touchy subject). He never showed or text. He came to get his stuff a few weeks ago. Last night, we both wound up at a bar to see a band that we’re both friends with. Didn’t speak to each other, and I flashed just a cordial smile when he passed by, looking straight at me for what felt like 45 secs. Still haven’t txt him, even after seeing him last night. I did however post a couple of pics on Instagram of me with a couple girlfriends last night. Shortly after what appeared to be him seeing them, he unfollowed me. Are my steps backfiring by chance? Did he just not want to see them because it bothers him? Thanks so much for any advice!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 8, 2021 at 9:14 pm

      Hi Cici, it sounds like an emotional reaction to be honest which is not a bad thing really. Keep going and keep reading! Sounds like you’re doing great

  2. Diana

    October 15, 2020 at 4:43 am

    Hi Chris,

    My ex and I broke up more than a year ago. It’s been hard dealing with the breakup because he was my first love and first boyfriend. We started dating my junior-senior year of college in 2018 and we were doing really well. We were a little distant because of our busy schedules with work and school, but we made it work. Towards the end of our relationship, I noticed he would be “busy” a little too often. He was always declining plans or making excuses and eventually I called him one night to ask what was up with him. He confessed that he’d been losing feelings for me for about a month and tried to push through it, but that night he ended up breaking up with me.

    I was devastated, and I fell into the bargaining stage and asked him to please make things work. He refused and I left him alone for a couple of weeks and then asked for closure. Again, he refused. I tried the 30 day no contact rule and reached out, and although he replied it was useless. He wasn’t interested in actually having a conversation. I did another 30 days and reached out again, but he was the same. Shortly after that I stopped trying and he was the one who messaged me on social media. We talked for about a day, and suddenly I found myself blocked. It was the strangest thing so I asked him why, but he never replied. I haven’t heard from him since and that was in October of last year.

    This past year has been brutal for my healing process. With COVID going on, I haven’t even been able to enjoy myself or do things to get my mind off the breakup. I have definitely accepted that it’s over and removed myself from the grieving stage. I don’t really care to reach out again and get him back since it’s been over a year, but I do still think of him sometimes and wonder if he misses me. We had a great relationship and he ended it with “I’m losing feelings for you and going through things on my own.” I never understood what that excuse meant, but does it sound like he’d ever come back? I’m just curious because he is still on my mind even now and I’d like to know if I’m possibly on his. Thanks for your thoughts on this article, it really sparked my curiosity and interest.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2020 at 5:41 pm

      Hey Diana, there is a chance he could come back as his reasons for ending things were not that bad either. You need to understand that sometimes when young, we want to be alone it is when we learn to be independent. If you spend some time working on yourself and showing your ex (using social media and mutual friends) that you are doing great, are happy and living your life that could make your ex interested in talking to you again, which is where you reconnect and start building a foundation for a new relationship with them.