What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

He Broke Up With Me And Told Me He Needs Time

I have almost three associate degrees from the local Junior College.

Almost, because I am one of the world’s greatest procrastinators.

Along with being a procrastinator, I’m a perfectionist.

Ask Chris. I am always riding my deadlines down to the last minute, sometimes past that.

(Edit From Chris: It’s true, I had to email her to see when she was going to finish this article.)

I am one class short of my third degree, a Business Degree.

One of the most interesting and stressful classes I ever took was one on creative writing. And one of the most fun and most interesting conversations I have ever had was when I ran into my teacher. We sat down and had a glass of wine and talked about the millions of extension requests that she gets every semester.

There were people that gave her the old, “my dog ate it” routine. But the one she said she almost always would give extensions for was open writing assignments

“I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know what I wanted to write.”

She said that she could always tell when people were lying.

Human nature responds to the collision of emotions and rational thought with something that is called cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is the reason I found myself interested in psychology in the first place.

If you don’t know what that is let me educate you.

Every single person on this planet has experienced this feeling. It’s that feeling when you hate someone but you still kind of understand the reasons behind their actions.

As I said, EVERY single person on this planet, that means you too.

Common sense says that you just thought about a time when you had conflicting emotions.

Why is it so common?

Every single person who has ever gone through puberty knows the feeling.

All of those things your parents tell you not to do as a child, that you danced along the edges when deciding what to do as an adult.

If a man has made a decision to call off a relationship with you, you can bet that, unless you are a horrible person that you know of, at some point he has questioned that decision.

So, think back to a time when you had to ask for more time.

Go ahead, I’ll give you a minute.

I bet it didn’t even take you twenty seconds to remember one of the times you had to ask for a reprieve.

Why? Because even the most brown-nosing straight A student has her off days and needs some more time.

There are few words more daunting after a breakup when you are hoping for an explanation and instead you get “I just need some time.”

I mean generally when a woman would say that it would have a hundred different meanings.

We are so complicated, us women.

But men…

men are so much more likely to be straightforward.

When a man asks for time, he usually means he wants time, space, and distance.

Most men want straight forward. Most men want black and white. Most men want to be as far away from drama even if they are the ones that caused it.

So, what does it mean when he says he needs time to… and… something else. Generally, when anyone makes a declarative statement and then follows it up with a qualifier, the qualifier usually holds a bit of truth to it.

Everyone has a set of basic human needs. It isn’t as big on the scale as physical needs, like food, water, sleep, and safety, but self-actualization is important. Feeling like you have some semblance of control over the things that happen to you falls somewhere in between esteem and safety. Sometimes that means taking a moment to yourself and taking a step back to look at your life.

Men back away from things for various reasons, because they are stressed, either because of something within the relationship or outside of it.

In every relationship, there is a dominant partner and a submissive partner.

Don’t get excited. I’m not talking  Fifty Shades type stuff.

I’m saying that one person gives in a little more than the other, makes sacrifices to keep the relationship going. In turn, they lose things. The power shifts to one side of the relationship.

There is a reason I spend so much time repeating myself when I say that a relationship is a partnership… a partnership… a PARTNERSHIP!!

Whew.

Breathe.

If you can’t tell I believe in this.

There’s always truth to the things we say, even the lies, at least some truth.

So, when your boyfriend says he needs to take some time to himself, you can bet your butt that any reason he gives after that has SOME truth to it and you can tell by WHAT he says.

Most people don’t know what they want in a relationship.

In my experience, feeling that unbalanced weight of the relationship shifts to one side triggers a fight or flight response.

So, in the interest of staying positive about things, we are going to assume that your ex actually needs time and it wasn’t just an excuse to break things off.

What did his reason he gave mean? And what does it mean for you?

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

He Needs Time To “Figure Himself Out”

If he says he needs time to “figure himself out” then it’s likely that, on some level, he has let his autonomy escape him. Feeling like you aren’t living up to your potential is scary! When we are on our own, it is easy to give your full focus to your goals and achieving them, becoming the person you want to be.

If your ex needs time to figure himself out, it likely means that he feels like he has lost sight of his goals and ideals. It isn’t uncommon for the line between couples’ goals to become a little blurred after the weight of decision making begins to shift back and forth.

My guess is that your ex has realized how out of focus the views he had before the relationship have become and he is trying to remedy that feeling.

In every relationship, making the other person happy starts to take precedent over the things we see as important. Then keeping the relationship from derailing takes precedent. No one wants to be the reason things didn’t work out, so focus shifts to efforts not to rock the boat.

Did your ex put in a lot of effort into making you happy at the beginning, possibly over his own desires?

Did he give in when tensions rose later in the relationship in order to keep the peace?

If you see similarities in this scenario and your ex said he needs to figure himself out, then your next move should be to focus on how you can establish a more healthy relationship that takes into consideration what he wants.

He Needs Time To “Get His Life In Order”

If he says he needs time to “get his life in order” then it’s likely that he lost control of something in his life. Tell me you haven’t ever been in a situation in which your world felt like it was spiraling out of control. I bet you can’t.

They say time flies when you’re having fun. But being in a relationship kind of turns the rest of your life into a funnel.

Everything that happens, every choice that you make goes through a filter of, “How will this affect my relationship?”

I understand that line of thinking.

It’s what happens when you feel comfortable with someone. You think of the two of you as one unit.

But, suddenly it dawns on you that you are an us and you realize that if you ever weren’t an “us” your solo life would be out of control.

Realizing this makes a man feel like he needs to pull the things in his life into a pile and jump in the middle of it and flail around until he feels like it is his again.

If you find yourself in this situation. Your best bet is to get your own life in order. Why?

Well… the best part about this is that you have some serious power here.

Power you say?

Well, if he is truly struggling to feel like he didn’t lose a grasp on his life completely, then seeing that you were okay with not being in a codependent relationship will give him a reason to drop the fear that coming back will strip him of having his own life.

Dig in. Make your life your own. And when you get through No Contact and get the opportunity talk with your ex to rebuild even a casual relationship, show him that you have no intention of letting him sacrifice his interests.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

He Needs Time To “Sort Things Out”

If he says he needs time to “sort things out” then it’s likely that he doesn’t even know what needs sorting. Usually, this means he has choices and he’s not sure what he wants to do about it.

Most men are afraid to be tied down. Having options means he has a way out if he wants one.

When someone says they need to sort things out, it is likely that they have found that they have options and they’re testing the waters.

Maybe he got an ego boost because girls were flirting with him.

Maybe someone else showed interest.

Maybe he got a taste of the single life.

And maybe he just saw other people who were happier or doing the couple thing differently.

Whatever triggered his decision, if you find yourself in this type of situation, your only option is to rise above it all. Do not give into the emotional drivers that make you want to jump up and down and say,

“I can be better! I can be whatever you want! I can make you happy!”

You don’t need to grovel. Besides… it wouldn’t work.

Every man needs to know that a woman who is PERFECTLY FINE on her own CHOOSES to be with him.

You have to be strong during No Contact.

Put every effort into being better at being solo.

It has the double perks of making him a little jealous and also making him feel like getting back together is in his best interest, like being with you is a privilege.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

He Needs Time To “Work On Himself”

If he says he needs time to “work on himself” then it’s likely that he feels like he has let himself go on one if not all fronts.

If a man admits that he needs to work on himself, it is obvious that he finds something about himself unsatisfactory. But all men feel that way in some manner of speaking. All people do.

No one is 100% happy with themselves.

I have a friend who is a beautiful specimen of a man. Sure his face is not the American standard of beautiful, but he is a gorgeous and smart man.

You know what he asks me regularly?

He asks me if he should dye his hair.

He asks me if he should get a tan.

He asks me if he should focus on getting down to 4% body fat.

This beautiful and smart man doesn’t see how gorgeous he is… all he sees is his flaws.

I’m telling you… my friend isn’t just a 10 he’s a 14, and he will never see it.

This one, this situation, your only response is to move forward in your life.

Build yourself up. Read this article on getting on the right track and building confidence.

And then, when you get done with no contact, maintain your stature.

Don’t beg for him back. Compliment him on any progress he’s made, but the key is to not lay it on thick. And then withdraw.

Do you know what stakes a man puts on a woman?

What value he places on her?

I mean sure most of them look at women and find them attractive or not attractive, hot or not.

That’s at the beginning when they aren’t sure if they want to jump in just yet.

But when it comes to a relationship and whether or not to keep it, that decision doesn’t hang solely on whether or not he loves her.

It also balances on how having her in his life affects his life.

Chris calls this “becoming the Ungettable Girl.”

I am saying that every man wants to become someone they shouldn’t have access to.

Someone that’s cooler, hotter, and out of their league.

I think that if your ex is feeling like he’s lost control of any aspect of his life, then he is going over every decision he’s ever made. That means at some point he WILL review his decision to call things off. Usually, this will be after he’s had a moment to get a few of his other ducks in a row.

If, when he does, he sees that you are better than he thought you were, better that YOU thought you were, he’ll realize he made a mistake.

So, what I am I telling you to do?

Be a baddass.

Be the most baddass version of yourself that you can be, 100%, full-tilt.

Now, some of you are picturing the women you look up to.

But, check out this article, about women who grasped at their full potential. Some of them just did small things that had a large impact.

All I am saying is that you shouldn’t wait around or chase after him.

Be great and awesome on your own. He’ll see it, and he’ll realize that letting you go was the biggest mistake he’s ever made.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Ashley.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

EBR Team Member: Ashley

24 thoughts on “He Broke Up With Me And Told Me He Needs Time”

  1. Ajay

    November 18, 2017 at 3:35 pm

    Hey a guy and I were seeing each other for 4 months. When we met he had just came out of a long distant 3 year relationship. Everything was fine and things were moving a bit fast but he told me he hadn’t fallen for someone as fast as he did with me. He did however say he wasn’t ready to date again but he would date me when he feels ready. Two weeks ago he was attacked and not long after that he told me he we need to just be friends because life is short and he hasn’t achieved all the things he wanted to so he needs to do things for himself and get where he needs to in life. We officially called it quits yesterday but when I said “I’m letting you go” he told me he still wants me to be the person he talks to and can relax with. We agreed to be friends but I’m not sure what to do. I haven’t contacted him again. He told me he doesn’t want me to wait around for him but he still wants me to be around and still wants to see me. Help please.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 5:33 am

  2. Evan

    November 14, 2017 at 8:50 pm

    Hello, my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 7 months, and things were so good and he tried so hard in the beginning of the relationship, and we had a few differences after a few months, then the last two-ish months he has been being a bit more distant and his heart really has not been in it. So about a month ago he said he wanted space and he kept saying that he didn’t know if he wanted this and that he needs space. I was hurting so I bothered him and I was annoyed so I pestered him… but like three days later he FaceTimed me and he told me he realized that he really did want this and that he loves me so much and that he’s so happy to be with me. We had an amazing three weeks after that, no fights or anything. Until he started being distant because of stress again. I confronted him about it and was trying to reassure him that I was here for him through anything and he kept brushing me off, until we started another argument. The next few days things were tense and then he broke up with me because he kept saying that his heart wasn’t in this anymore but he still loves me. And then he kept saying that he will consider his desicison but he doesn’t think he wants to have a relationship because we are so young. He kept saying that a relationship may hold him back in his dreams in life, and that the feelings for me have been forced lately and that if his heart is not in this right now, he doesn’t want it anymore. We have done so much together and experienced so much together, and we know each other so well. Will he come around? He’s come to the realization just a few weeks before, but he got stressed again and his life started getting flipped around. Help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 1:47 am

      HI Evan,

      how old are you both? Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  3. Emily

    October 30, 2017 at 10:15 am

    Hi,

    My ex broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago. We’ve had conversations since and slept together a couple of days ago. I want him back but he says he doesn’t short-term and needs time. He still loves me and I love him but I don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 3:32 pm

  4. Tracy

    October 29, 2017 at 12:27 pm

    I am wondering if you can help me. My boyfriend (30) of 18 months broke up with me (28) 3 weeks ago today over a silly argument. He said he wanted time on his own. We are a couple who get on like a house on fire and we have mutual physical attraction. We text all the time and spend a lot of time together. I think this is where we have went wrong: spending too much time together. We hadn’t been doing things with friends or date nights or doing things on our own. I think this is due to me staying at his place all the time and more or less being too needy. I obviously don’t mean to be like that but he is just amazing to be around. I don’t get to spend time with my friends really as most are married with children and don’t do much. Hence me wanting to spend time with him a lot. Also I want to mention his previous relationship of 10 years was not good to which he had a 9 year old son. He said he wanted to be friends, I explained that if his heart was in it and his head wasn’t maybe it’s best for him to take time to himself and I will work on myself even though it is killing me 🙁 He doesn’t have a lot of money and I treat him all the time, he says for me to stop it but I can’t help it sometimes because if I see something I get if for him because he’s on my mind. I never want to make him feel that what he does isn’t good enough for me as I told him I don’t need gifts, money etc. He did say never say never about us getting back together as who knows what the future holds. I dont know if he is saying that to make me feel better. I have tried doing no contact rule but he messages me everyday and can be very flirty. I told him to not ask me for sex because he can’t have his cake and eat it too. He still has me on his social media as his girlfriend and photos of us in his apartment, his screensaver on his phone and on his keys. We have a concert tomorrow which we are both still going to. Is it best I initiate NC after then? I really want this guy back in my life he makes me really happy. My problem was making my life all about him. He is someone who can get moody at times and in being up and down. He never talks about his feelings and when you try to he just wants to drop the conversation. I sometimes talked about heavy talk in terms of the future before and don’t know if that has spooked him off.. I really want us to get back together. He is an amazing person who I love dearly. Your advice would be grately appreciated, thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 9:17 pm

      Hi Tracy,

      Are you in the nc rule now?

  5. Completely Confused

    October 19, 2017 at 11:09 am

    My bf of one year broke up with me last night because he says he’s just not happy. We weren’t fighting or anything. I just asked why he hasn’t been texting as much – if everything was ok.
    The thing is, we just spent a fabulous weekend together, and broke up during a nice evening together. We have fun, really enjoy each other’s company, and he says I’m wonderful, beautiful, the most kind and that he’s never loved or been loved any better in any way. We aren’t pushing the other for anything more, and he says I’m his best friend, and he does love me. We are both in our mid-40’s, well-educated, stable, and have had enough difficult times to not play games. I just don’t understand how he can end such a great relationship. I’ve asked if he is throwing “us” away when he really should be fixing whatever it is that’s really causing the problems.
    He says he genuinely wants to be friends, if I’m able, and can’t imagine not having me in his life at all. But that he needs to do this. Of course, I love him and think he’s making a mistake.
    What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 23, 2017 at 11:56 am

      Hi,

      Don’t agree to be friends and then start at least 30 days nc..

  6. Sofie

    October 18, 2017 at 3:52 pm

    I need all the help I can get!

    My boyfriend and I dated for almost a year and it was a pretty toxic relationship. He broke up with me and I ended up doing the no contact rule and ultimately we got back together 3 months later.

    Almost another year later, and in a much better, stable relationship, he tells me he needs time for himself because we are both still young (I am 25, and he is turning 30), he is still living at home, and he needs to focus on his business taking off. I felt like I was hit by a train because it honestly came out of nowhere! I understand he feels stuck and I feel like I may have pressured him with his business and our future, but I wish he would allow me to support him on the way.

    I started the No Contact rule 3 days after we broke up. I didn’t beg him afterwards, but did send him an encouraging text telling him to take time working on himself and that I understood. I then saw him out less than a week after we broke up.

    Ultimately, my questions are as follows:
    Do I re-start the No Contact rule since I saw him out?
    Is it even worth me reaching out to him after the 30 days since he needs time to figure himself out?
    Is this an excuse to breaking up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 22, 2017 at 6:47 pm

      HI Sofie,

      what do you mean that you saw him out? As in you just saw him alone outside and didn’t approach or you went out with him to talk? I’m not sure if it’s an excuse, but most of the time it is, but this time, I think you should do at least 45 days, and yes initiate contact if you want to try to get him back.

  7. jen

    July 31, 2017 at 5:22 pm

    this is a great article! ive followed all of the advise on the website and through podcasts and i went out with my ex last week. last night he got really jealous (again) and really angry so i used it to my advantage and finally got him to open up and be honest about how he feels. hes said he loves me alot and he even went with someone else to try and feel what he felt with me but got nowhere near. we both lost sight of our own needs and both got into a stressy mess trying to juggle everything in our lives which caused the breakup. hes said hes scared about how much he feels for me and how much i feel for him because of a bad past relationship and hes happy doing “me” stuff atm which i am too ive got really organised and looking after myself alot better even started working out. so this article helped to understand what he was saying aswell. now its just a wait and see what happens game. you’re all fab! thankyou

  8. Lisa

    June 9, 2017 at 6:20 am

    Hi! My ex and I are together for less than a month. He broke up with me 4 days ago and told me that it’s better for us to stay friends. That we don’t need complications in our lives. For the times we were together, i have been a brat and my mood swings and our unreasonable/petty quarrels turned him off and now he sees me as a complication in his used to simple and carefree life. At first i just agreed. But after 2 days, we talked and i told him that i can’t accept us being just friends and that i can do better and that he was being unfair because when i am doubting him i gave him a chance regardless. But he said that he is in that point where he really thinks that its better for us to just stay as friends. I tried to pushed it. But he didn’t agreed. He said it’s more unfair if he stays with me when he already doubts that we can work things out. Then he said that we will talk again when he comes back. Which is 4 days from today. I don’t know what to do for him to change his mind. I really want him back. At first, i wasn’t really all in in the relationship. But now i really want another chance to make amendsand make this work. And this time i’ll work with him. Do you think i should talk to him after 4days given the nc rule? He planned that out. I’m scared that if i won’t show up, he would think that i am being petty and unreasonable again. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 13, 2017 at 5:19 pm

      Have you talked?

  9. Sam

    May 18, 2017 at 8:39 pm

    My situation is unique . I’m a Canadian living and working England. I’ve been here for almost two years and my visit is about to run out and is not allowed to be renewed. I applied for my Italian citizenship as well as to law programs in England for this upcoming fall . I have recently wanted a change in my profession and decided to finally take the leap. It is important to note I have gotten accepted to my programs and my ex is aware of this.

    My ex broke up with me officially a few days ago . I get down sometimes as living here can get lonely . We recently went on a camping trip with his friends . The weather was terrible but I tried my best to get to know them all . I can be shy but I made an effort and truly got to know them . My ex put it in his head I had a terrible time , not being best friends with his friends is a problem for him . Fast forward a week he comes over saying he isn’t here to end it and he wants things to work . Next thing I know he’s dumping me . Against my best judgement I start begging him trying to convince him he’s making a mistake . The whole time he’s crying saying he’s crazy about me but it’s just not working . He feels like I’m here for him and not for me and he can’t handle the pressure . He is scared one day I’ll resent him . I constantly assure him that’s not true . He agreed to give it a chance , the next day he came over watched a movie, we were intimate with each other and I thought things would be better . Next thing I know the next week he is avoiding me . Yet he is still messaging me . Sometimes cold , other times sweet and jokingly like how we use to be . It’s important to mention a few days before camping we went to his family wedding where we had a great time and he told me he wants to marry me, getting very emotional while saying this.

    He came over at the end of the “trying to work on it ” week and brought his things to stay over. He even cooked me dinner. I simply stated to him that he needed to see me for things to work and I wanted them too. From that he decided to end it. He then proceeded to cry and tell me its hard but it is better for me. That he needed to figure things out. Through text he told me he is not in the right mind space to be with anyone right now. He needs time. He also said he FELL OUT FO LOVE and that its not me its him. ” if he could paint the perfect girl from him it would be me and that I am amazing”. He said it is all him, it is all in his head and it is something HE NEEDS TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT. That time may change things but he doesn’t know and doesn’t want to keep me hanging. He said that he was sorry and never meant to hurt me. And that if and when he figures this out and sees things differently I would be the first person he would contact.

    I just do not understand. It is all over the place. How could he tell me he wants to marry me and next week say he is out of love ? Oh apparently he has been for two months. It is important to note he got really depressed around them which is polar opposite of him, he is always care free. He said he couldn’t take the pressure of me being here for him , he knows how much I miss and love my family.

    I know I want him back. I know I want him as my forever. I am scared he will not contact me. If he doesn’t how am I even suppose to implement the no contact rule ? Isn’t the whole point to ignore him? He is also very stubborn and I am afraid he’ll decide it is easier to move on then to try and make things work.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 10:21 pm

  10. Sam

    May 18, 2017 at 4:26 pm

    My situation is unique . I’m a Canadian living and working England. I’ve been here for almost two years and my visit is about to run out and is not allowed to be renewed. I applied for my Italian citizenship as well as to law programs in England for this upcoming fall . I have recently wanted a change in my profession and decided to finally take the leap. It is important to note I have gotten accepted to my programs and my ex is aware of this.

    My ex broke up with me officially a few days ago . I get down sometimes as living here can get lonely . We recently went on a camping trip with his friends . The weather was terrible but I tried my best to get to know them all . I can be shy but I made an effort and truly got to know them . My ex put it in his head I had a terrible time , not being best friends with his friends is a problem for him . Fast forward a week he comes over saying he isn’t here to end it and he wants things to work . Next thing I know he’s dumping me . Against my best judgement I start begging him trying to convince him he’s making a mistake . The whole time he’s crying saying he’s crazy about me but it’s just not working . He feels like I’m here for him and not for me and he can’t handle the pressure . He is scared one day I’ll resent him . I constantly assure him that’s not true . He agreed to give it a chance , the next day he came over watched a movie, we were intimate with each other and I thought things would be better . Next thing I know the next week he is avoiding me . Yet he is still messaging me . Sometimes cold , other times sweet and jokingly like how we use to be . It’s important to mention a few days before camping we went to his family wedding where we had a great time and he told me he wants to marry me, getting very emotional while saying this.

    He came over at the end of the “trying to work on it ” week and brought his things to stay over. He even cooked me dinner. I simply stated to him that he needed to see me for things to work and I wanted them too. From that he decided to end it. He then proceeded to cry and tell me its hard but it is better for me. That he needed to figure things out. Through text he told me he is not in the right mind space to be with anyone right now. He needs time. He also said he FELL OUT FO LOVE and that its not me its him. ” if he could paint the perfect girl from him it would be me and that I am amazing”. He said it is all him, it is all in his head and it is something HE NEEDS TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT. That time may change things but he doesn’t know and doesn’t want to keep me hanging. He said that he was sorry and never meant to hurt me. And that if and when he figures this out and sees things differently I would be the first person he would contact.

    I just do not understand. It is all over the place. How could he tell me he wants to marry me and next week say he is out of love ? Oh apparently he has been for two months. It is important to note he got really depressed around them which is polar opposite of him, he is always care free. He said he couldn’t take the pressure of me being here for him , he knows how much I miss and love my family.

    I know I want him back. I know I want him as my forever. I am scared he will not contact me. If he doesn’t how am I even suppose to implement the no contact rule ? Isn’t the whole point to ignore him? He is also very stubborn and I am afraid he’ll decide it is easier to move on then to try and make things work.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 10:01 pm

  11. Rebecca

    May 12, 2017 at 10:18 pm

    WHOA. You have no idea how much I needed to read this. Like Ru Paul always says, “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen?” I think that while we, as ladies, are working to improve ourselves, we forget that maybe sometimes guys may be struggling with this as well! Sure, it kind of sucks to split in this way, but the best thing to do is keep moving forward. Great read!

  12. Rachel

    May 7, 2017 at 11:59 pm

    Hi! My boyfriend and I broke up on May 3rd through text ( harsh I know) because he said he hates it when we fight (which was only once since we got back together from our previous downfall in October) I stop talking. I decided to approach him calmly and asked if we could have a respectful and calm discussion about It in person so he agreed. I stopped talking to him until that day where he showed up right on time. The whole time he cried and told me he loves me and that it’s both our faults and that he just needs some time to be alone and get his life together. He said he just isn’t feeling this relationship anymore. Before he’d said this I spoke about how I’d taken what he’d said into consideration and that I was and will be working on that if he’d be willing to give me the chance, but If not I’d leave him alone. He said he didn’t want me to leave him alone and he still wanted to be friends, however I told him I don’t know if I can do that because I want him as a boyfriend considering we’ve dated for 3 years and I invested my everything into him. He said he’d respect that and of course I broke down crying because it was just so sudden. Like it was really over. He hugged me and kissed me several times on the head and held my hands and told me he still cares about me so much but he has to do this for himself right now and that it was killing him to do this. I find whenever his life gets too stressful he tends to push people away. He said he’d reconsider getting back with me but not because he wanted to at the present moment but because he didn’t want to see me in pain. I told him he had no obligation to stay with me because he didn’t want me sad. Eventually we agreed mutually to break up and it was the calmest break up we’ve had out of the 3 ( the first time was something foolish and we both worked on it and overcame It and same with the second time and we haven’t had that issue since). The last thing that happened was I got out of the car and told him I had a friend to meet and he said “Rachel…please let me hug you one last time” so I did and he drug it out for a very long time so eventually I had to let go because I know it was just hurting the both of us. When I got out of the car he started crying like I could hear him as I was walking away and it killed me so badly. The last thing that happened was I told him I missed him and he said he missed me too and even though I wanted to bombard him with texts, I stopped contact. It’s technically been 2 and a half days and I’ve accepted that no contact may not get him back, however I’m using it as more of a method to heal myself and evaluate everything and try to fix my communication skills whether it be for him IF HE comes back (which he usually does though I don’t have high hopes) or someone in the future. However, last time I initiated no contact (it worked) he said it actually pushed him away ( he didn’t know he just thought I was ignoring him to be rude) and if I hadn’t have broke It within the 16 days he probably would’ve just let me go. Would it be okay if I just don’t initiate contact first but keep the conversations brief and friendly If he were to contact me? Because I do want him back since this break up was clearly something neither of us truly wanted however I’m not going to be the one who pushes it on him. Both parties need to be willing but I don’t want to push him away. Sorry if this was long I’m just trying to give you the best insight.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 11, 2017 at 1:43 pm

      hi Rachel,

      you’re and off plus it’s so obvious he wants to friendzone you.. so it would really be better to do at least 30 days

  13. Fredericko

    May 4, 2017 at 3:59 am

    Awesome article Ashley! Very insightful

    1. EBR Team Member: Ashley

      May 4, 2017 at 4:23 am

      Thanks, Fred! You know I believe in our ladies more than anything. They have more potential than they will ever know. Soon enough their exes will realize it too.

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