If He Tells You That He Never Loved You Then Do This…

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

It can be a horrifying feeling when a boyfriend, one day out of the blue, tells you he never loved you and eventually breaks up with you. I am sad to say that this is one of the most common stories I hear on Ex Boyfriend Recovery. In fact, lately with the amount of comments and emails I have been receiving I decided to dedicate a whole post to dissecting what your ex boyfriend means when he says “I never loved you.” Of course, I am not just going to stop there. I am also going to give you actionable steps to put you in a favorable position to maybe get him back.

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Facing The Truth

facing the truth cartoon

I am not in the business or habit of lying to my website visitors. I promise that as long as you stay within the confines of this website you will get the cold hard honest truth from me. Now, part of that cold hard honest truth is facing it. Now, most likely you came to this page because you want to understand your exes process when he told you that he never loved you. Maybe a little part of you even wants him back.

Hmm… perhaps I should rephrase that. Probably a huge part of you wants him back.

If that is the case then I am going to be straight with you, you may never get him back. Most women hide from that truth or won’t accept it. Women who do that almost always tend to fail at getting their boyfriends back. Usually, it is the ones with a very positive and optimistic attitude that do well in this area of the “game.” So, before you read on I want you to take a moment and realize that there is a possibility you may never get him back. I want you to confront this truth head on and not be scared of it. The sooner you do that and accept it I promise you will be a step ahead of everyone already.

“I Never Loved You?”

never loved you

Before I start this section I want to say that if you want more insight into your ex boyfriend than what this article provides I urge you to check out my two books,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

&

The Texting Bible

I want you to stop and think back to the very beginning of your relationship. Do you remember how happy it was? There was no fighting, bickering or manipulation. There was simply the honeymoon period and everything was great. I can remember way back when I was a young lad (just kidding) with my very first relationship. The honeymoon period was absolutely sublime. It was like waking up in heaven every single day. I remember I would go to bed every single night and my heart couldn’t stop beating because I would think about my girlfriend and just couldn’t wait to see her.

Ahh… how quickly that changed.

Soon, the honeymoon period, where it seemed like it was just her and I was over. We entered into the drama and fighting part of the relationship and things went down hill from there. So, why am I giving you insight to my own personal relationship experiences. Actually, this is one of those times where my personal relationship experience can come in handy. You see, I feel I have a pretty good grasp of the mindset of a boyfriend who says “I never loved you” to a girlfriend.

Why?

Because I actually WAS one of those boyfriends. I said those exact words to my ex and I think you will be shocked at my mindset when I did it. Anyways, there are a number of factors that I do personally feel have to be addressed before we move on. Lets look at them now.

  • How long did you date your ex boyfriend for?
  • How long from the breakup did he mutter those scary words “I never love you?”
  • What exactly did you do to him over the course of the relationship to make him feel he had to say those words to you?

How Long Did You Date Your Ex Boyfriend For?

how long you have been dating

I feel compelled to mention this because there are relationship and then there are RELATIONSHIPS. If you only dated him for a month and he said “I never loved you” to you then the odds are not in your favor of him not really meaning them. A month isn’t a long time when it comes to relationships. It doesn’t give you a lot of time to form a meaningful emotional connection with another human being. Now, on the other hand if you dated him for a year and were thick as thieves and he tells you that “he never loved you…” Well, there might be a little more to his statement than meets the ear.

How Long From The Breakup Did It Take For Him To Mutter Those Scary Words?

stages of breaking up

Everyone coming to this website is a human being, I hope. Like all human beings we have these little things called emotions. We can get our feelings hurt, we can experience extreme joy and we can even get angry if provoked. I would like to focus on that last little emotion for a moment, anger. I think everyone who has lived long enough has experienced a time where they have seen nothing but RED for a few hours because of their anger. Now, lets take a moment to step into the mind of your ex boyfriend. We know for a fact that immediately after a breakup is when everyone is out their peak when it comes to emotions. You are angry, he is angry, we are all so darn angry.

And what exactly do angry people do? THEY SAY THINGS THEY DON’T MEAN! So, it could be a possibility that if he said those four scary little words to you in the heat of the moment he really didn’t mean it truly deep down.

What Exactly Did You Do To Him Over The Course Of The Relationship?

chasing husband

If your relationship with your ex boyfriend was full of fights, thrown lamps and/or physical abuse on your part. Well, you aren’t doing yourself any favors trust me on that. Of course, there is another type of couple warfare that can have a devastating effect on a man, emotional warfare. I am using the words warfare because I do know some women literally manipulate the heck out of their man. Sure, it can go both ways as men can manipulate just like women can. However, we aren’t focusing on your ex in this section. We are specifically taking a look at YOUR actions during the relationship.

The more emotionally or physically manipulative you may have been during the relationship there could be a chance that he is happy to have you gone. Now, I am not saying he won’t want you back eventually (because there will be a point where he will) but you certainly didn’t do yourself any favors.

“I Never Loved You” What Does He Mean By That?

you really mean it

I mentioned above that I am in a special position where I have a bit of personal experience with the words “I never loved you.” In this section, I am going to tell you about my mindset when I said those words to my ex and I will also give you a number of other things that your ex could really mean when he says it.

To this particular girl, I am ashamed to admit that I was not the most experienced boyfriend. It was my first real relationship and I hadn’t quite matured to the level that I think was required to make the relationship work. I ended up initiating the breakup but in my heart I still kind of wanted to make things work in the moment. I broke up with her in the moment purely out of anger and arrogance. If I remember correctly, the two of us went about 3 days without talking. This was extremely rare as we were accustomed to speaking on a daily basis.

She was the one who extended an olive branch first and I slapped it away immediately. Again, I was very angry still. I suppose, I was just being angry for the sake of being angry. It felt good to be angry at her when the truth was that I was actually really angry at myself. I hated who I had become and that I had lost control over myself. Sure, she definitely had a part in making me that way but I am the type of person that likes to take responsibility for his actions.

Eventually, we got on speaking terms again but I still wasn’t in a calm place. That was when I muttered those four very hurtful words, “I never loved you.”

Here was the truth though, I muttered those words out of a place of anger. At one point of the relationship I did actually have those types of feelings. I was also a little bit scared at what the future would hold. You see, I thought that this particular girl and I were going to last a long time. It was my first real relationship so you’ll have to forgive my ignorance ;). I was just frightened at the uncertainty of the future. I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself and I was just extremely frustrated that I had lost control of the entire situation.

As I talk about in PRO I think a lot of guys are like me. They mutter those words out of a place of complete anger. The truth is that if they are completely honest with themselves and look deep within, they will admit that they are still capable of having those types of feelings. There is a very fine line between love and hate. Sometimes, even though it can seem like his actions say “I hate you” they are done from a place of love. I know it sounds confusing but sometimes it isn’t as black and white as just love and hate.

Diving Deeper

diving deeper

Notice how in the above sentence I didn’t say that all guys are like me. Yes, I think a lot of guys are very similar to me but there will always be those “exceptions.” In this section I want to dive deeper and help you figure out what else your ex could be meaning when he says “I never loved you” if he isn’t doing it out of a place of anger like I was. Below I have compiled a list of other possible motivations behind him muttering those words.

  • He might not be feeling attracted to you anymore.
  • He might have gotten bored in the relationship.
  • His emotional/physical needs were not met by you.
  • He actually means it.

He Might Not Be Feeling Attracted To You Anymore

are you attracted

That silly, silly fool. He is confusing love with attraction. A lot of women who discover that this is what their ex really means freak out on the spot. However, I tend to take the opposite approach, if your ex isn’t attracted to you then that means you have a great opportunity to re attract him. I have so much advice on how to do this throughout the site that I just feel like I would be repeating myself if I told you here yet again. If you know that your ex boyfriend is a pretty nice guy he would probably spare your feelings by saying “I never loved you” instead of  “I don’t think you are attractive.”

Now, both those statements are a little depressing to hear but I would gladly take the “I don’t think you are attractive” one over the “I never loved you” any day of the week. At least that way you have actually have a shot at getting him back by re-attracting him.

He Might Have Gotten Bored In The Relationship

im bored

Believe it or not but your ex may have gotten really bored with the relationship. I have multiple friends who are a little bored in their relationships. I would say that this usually tends to happen to couples who have been together for more than a year. Eventually, you get to a point where you have done everything there is to do together in a romantic relationship and you are just killing time together. Now, it might also be possible for a guy to get bored in a relationship really early on if he just gets bored easily.

Either way, this isn’t a bad reason at all. In fact, I would say the breakup and time away might actually help your case to get him back. Being boring is something you can definitely fix. Remember, what we are looking for here are areas of improvement. Any time you find one look at it as an opportunity to evolve and become something that he can’t stay away from.

His Emotional/Physical Needs Were Not Met By You

voldemort what

Yes, guys have emotional needs too! In fact, if they don’t get exactly what they need they can start questioning the relationship very early on. My brother is a good example here. I remember he was dating a girl who wasn’t giving him what he needed on an emotional level and he started questioning the relationship. In fact, he wanted to break up with her about two weeks before he actually did it. Now, his case might not relate to yours because he was never in love with the girl. However, I wanted to include his story to show you that if guys don’t get what they need emotionally it can be troublesome.

Of course, this is almost doubly true for guys and their physical needs. Now, I am a very rare breed in this world. I don’t pressure any girl to ever want to be with me physically. To me, I think the sexiest thing is to be with a girl who actually WANTS to be with you.

Unfortunately, most guys are not like me. They will pressure women and if they don’t get what they want it makes them really angry. I am not saying this to change your morals. All I am doing here is educating you on why he said “I never loved you.” I think in the case where you wouldn’t sleep with him it is more of a matter of him thinking “I am angry at your for not sleeping with me so I am going to say this to hurt you.”

He Actually Means It

confused

There will always be those cases where the stars won’t align in your favor and he could actually be meaning what he says. This is unfortunate and I think in this case there is nothing you can do. However, I will tell you that this is actually rarer than you would think. Most men after a breakup are just as emotional as women are and say things that they don’t really mean.

What’s Next?

So, now that you know all about what he really means when he says “I never loved you” what are supposed to do now? I highly encourage you to take a look around our site. I have multiple pages on how to get your ex back in all kinds of crazy situations. However, if I had to recommend just one page to you I would definitely say that you should read my how to get your ex boyfriend back complete guide. I spent the better part of a month researching and writing it and I promise you that you will not be disappointed.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (178)

  1. M - 0

    M

    It has been 50 days and NO contact. My ex bf has not reached out to me ONCE! I know he is enjoying being single and seeing other people, but not positive if he is in a rebound relationship or not. I don’t know what to do. I feel he needs to approach ME first because I was very needy in the relationship and he could always count on me running back to him. But, he is also insanely stubborn so I’m certain he is waiting for me to do that out of ego/pride. I do not want to make him think I am needy and desperate by reaching out to him.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      How mcuh did you improve and how active were you in posting?

  2. Sage - 0

    Sage

    My ex-boyfriend of 10 months just broke up with me, telling me that he never loved me. We parted on good terms and he wanted to be friends. Things had been going down hill for a while and when he broke up with me. He said he’d wanted to for 2 months now but didn”t want to hurt me. The thing is he’s been depressed for a while. He’d lost his apartment, moved in with his parents, works night shift so he doesn’t really have a social and is tired all the time. He also goes to college. He just became very drepressed.

    He didn’t have the best childhood; neither of one of us did, and he’d never really felt like he’d ever been loved. He’d told me while breaking up with me he’d never loved anyone as much as me, but also that he thinks he’s never been in love. He compairs what he’s feeling to what his friends have told him and how it was like for them when they feel in love. So he says.

    He wanted to be firends really bad, but I told him that I could not. That if it wasn’t a relationship then I couldn’t do it. I’ve ended all communication with him. Looking back on it now though there was a lot he could of done to make it work better, but I was just as much to blame. I never really tried to get him to talk. I am very bad at communicating and I was never as affectionate as i should have been, which I plan to change.

    Right now I’m focused on getting my life together, whether or not I can get him back. I am trying to move my life forward, something I was to scared to do before. I’m in the process of going back to college. He was the first person I ever trusted enough to fall inlove with. I’m 26, he’s 24. If we get back together I dont plan on being the same person I was before.

    Reply
  3. Erin - 0

    Erin

    When my ex and I broke up, he said that maybe he never loved me and I thought it was just so the breakup was clean, then he said he wouldn’t rule anything out and that maybe just maybe we could build back up from friends to be together again. Cut to over a month later, I’ve done NC, I did the first text, we started talking, texting and I guess being friendly. So finally the first phone call happens, and we talk for a few hours and at the end I ask him ” Did you only say you didn’t love me so the breakup was clean? ” and he said ” I wish that was true, and that I didn’t mean it, but I did. ” So he still says that, over a month later, after NC, after not reaching out during NC, I was working on myself to be better, to be his friend in a vain hope that he would take me back. So I asked him ” Do you ever want to be with me every again, like in the long run, if the whole friends thing works out? ” And he went silent for a long time and said he didn’t have an answer, so I asked straight out. ” You never want to be with me again, do you? ” And he said that no, he didn’t, and he was only playing along to ” work things out ” because he didn’t want to hurt me more and didn’t want to lose one of his bestfriends. So I followed every step, did everything I could and in the end, it was still the same result as when we first broke up. I knew he didn’t want us to be a couple ever again, I was just being hopeful. But this site gave me someone to lean on and talk to through all the hard stuff, especially my NC period. I wish this had a better result, but I guess this relationship just wasn’t meant to be.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erin,

      Oh no.. that was a wrong move.. it’s like you told him him your plan… but right now, after what he said, what’s your decision?

  4. 77 - 0

    77

    This is a great website. First thing is, I started dating a guy in july. We dated until October 2016. Only a three-four month relationship. It started casual like he asked me out to a lunch date when we both got paid and i said sure. Well, I am the idiot that said we should be more, did we want to just have lunch, date, be friends, court even? I am 43 and he is a little younger than me. But he said you date, get to know one another. I said Ok. Well, our first week together we were nearly inseperable. I look back now and see mistakes and I see things I should not have done right away, but we were in the moment, everything was new. It was great. Finally, we had to sleep for a decent 12 hours. I was exhausted and I knew he was too. Things were still good. After the night we slept a wonderful twelve hours tho, this relationship started to tank.

    I learned he was very insecure and very inexperienced when it came to sex, relationships, friendships, trusts etc. He would go off alone for a while and over think everything. Eventually I learned he liked to take photos in the nude and send skype requests and all those horrible things a guy does to creep on you. he was living a double life with his work (he’s an actor) and was not going to let me in on that side of his life and he really should have because we had fun together, but he thought I would interfere with his work. I am 43 I am not going there.

    He was the first decent guy I had dated and been with where I didn’t feel allot of pressure to do everything with him, but he made it out like he wanted me to do all those things with him and since I didn’t want too, he felt unwanted and unloved! Pity! I do not want this guy back, but he’s moved back to my neighborhood and invites his new female friend over and they sit outside trying to make me jealous.

    He also borrowed a friend of ours, phone and texts me as her (she would never ask me if I was seeing anyone lol) and asks me questions as her, even though its him, major creepy, assholy move, total control freak and manipulative. He thinks its my fault I don’t want him back, because he’s trying to find out what he can do to get me back even if I don’t want to revive whatever you would have called our relationship. It would have been great if we could just be friends that just hang out and do stuff romantically, I am just a type of casual chic that likes casual relationships and friendships. What I mean is not several relationships, I mean a friendship with a man that is casual and friends that care for one another, even sexually, but not in a lovely dovey romantic manner. It does not require it to be over thought at all.

    But he wanted lovey dovey stuff all the time and to stay over at night all the time and I am just not one to share living space. I am an introvert with panic disorder and sometimes I need my alone time.

    I explained this to him as well but then I was not emotionally there for him, like he needed, or wanted. Yeah, eat all my food and never help repay any of it except maybe a cupcake here and there and maybe a pepsi here and there. I always help people who re down and out and when i am, I expect people to also share with me. Well, he wasn’t that way. It showed me then and there what he was like/used too and what the future looked like.

    No Thanks. But he is a very attractive man to me still and we still talk on facebook but not as himself he has to assume several different i.d.s just to be able to function and I know that isn’t healthy, but I have a healthy perspective on the friendship(s) we still have, even if he doesn’t. I know their not going to lead anywhere.

    Of course he did try to get with every young thing on the block once he split from me, and only came back to me via facebook after he couldn’t show women he was the sex god. Which he wasn’t. Sex was a mediocre thing with him and I admit I was not as toned as I’d like to be. I have fibro and cramps abound when I used to be able to get in certain positions that I am now not able to do so, but he was a virgin. Yep, I went there. But It was decent but he expected it to be done like right out of a movie or magazine case…and you have to be tactful with a man who is not sure what he’s doing, and I couldn’t sit him down and say “hey look you can’t do it like this” or “we will have to try something else” It was MY fault, because “I didn’t know what he wanted or didn’t know how to do what they were doing in a magazine” or because I don’t look at porn material anymore I didn’t know what I was doing, when I do know what I am doing, but because he wasn’t very endowed, I couldn’t do what most people do because well you couldn’t.

    How can I let him know I have moved on without actually having a new boyfriend? I just want him to move on and not care anymore, but because he’s not been with anyone else, of course he’s gonna try and come back but because it was so rough the first time I don’t even want to try the second time because some parts could be magickal but at the same time, he could also in the future mess that up too and I do not want to hear it. I don’t have to have a new guy in order to be moving on. I think relationships are more drama than they are worth.

    I admit I am still somewhat angry with him over how everything soured at the end but its like he thinks we have to hate one another for him to be able to be with someone else. No female is ever gonna put up with his sh*t. Unless she’s also just as crazy and manipulative as he is.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI 77,

      if you are really moving on, just stop talking to him and investing attention and emotion. If he needs to talk about important, be polite but that’s it. No more other talk about anything else. If he hands you something that pisses you off, like the way he talks to you or other people, just don’t take it by not giving attention to it.

  5. Shivi - 0

    Shivi

    My ex brokeup with me four days back. I asked him thatbdoes he actually love me? And he just replied no i dont. I was shocked. We were having a very good relationship we were so much in love. He just said that those past fights made him like this he lost all the feelings he was just trying to love me from past 2 months just for my sake and now he cant hurt or fake more. I love him madly all i do is cry. I am very weak. What shall i do? I want him back. I want him to love me again.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shivi,

      do you want to try the no contact rule? And what do you think about the advice above?

  6. Mira - 0

    Mira

    Hello. I need some serious advice about my boyfriend. I already purchased the premium package of your ex boyfriend recovery but the thing is I don’t know if the book can be applied to me since we have not broken up yet. I have been dating this guy for almost 6 months now. We have not broken up yet but he said he doesn’t feel like he loves me anymore. He got bored of me and our relationship. He said he doesn’t miss me when we’re away anymore. We met only once in two weeks and I’m dying to see him everyday. The reason was he got bored of talking to me and we ran out of things to talk. I was shocked but I begged him to stay. I asked him to give me time and a chance to do something and make things work out. However, his personality changed a lot. He’s always busy with his classes and study. Back then he never ignored my message, even tho he was busy. It took him couple hours to reply but never ignored. Lately he ignored my message a lot. It always takes him up to 6 hours to reply me a short message. When he replied, he gave me only short, boring reply. I don’t know what to do. I never want to let him go. Sometimes he convinced me that there are better guys out there but I don’t want anyone else. What can I do to make him stay? I also read the text bible but I don’t know how it will help since we are still together. I don’t think I can use no contact rule. Please help!!!! Thank you so much

    Reply
  7. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    I have in relationship with a guy for 4 years. This year in July he said he does not love me anymore and wants of the commitment, but since then we used to talk daily so I thought it might just work out. But yesterday he said something that kind of hurt me that he didn’t love all these years like the way i do, but i know he did because then he added that i need to think if he loved me or not, I know he did because his actions showed the way he cared, how does anybody fall out of love suddenly I love him a lot, what should i do, thought of doing a NC, but m scared what if he doesnt come back, because he has made it clear that he does not want to be in any relationship ryt now with anybody and that he’s done with it and that he’ll never come back, I am not able to imagine anything without him right now, i feel he love me but the way he said it broke something inside. He said that since july he’s been feeling nothing towards me and since he has a lot of people around he’s not missing me, he sid he wants to enjoy life, going out with diiferent girls(though he says does not like them that way), but makes me insecure n hurt, What should I do, I feel if i dont contact him, he’ll think i moved on because one day he said move on, find someone else,he knows how much i love him n care for him n most of the times he says thing to woo me away, because he really doesn’t want me around. But I am not leave his side because he does not keep well. He says that he knows he’ll not be able to be loyal towards me and that’s why he’s going, though he has never ever ditched me…but now that we are not together he cares for other girls a lot, on specifically(though he said he doesn’t like her that way),probably m overthinking, but he gets comfortable with all girls that makes me feel a little bad when he tells me. Please help me, i don’t know what to do?should i take nc? what if he doesn’t comeback like said? is there any hope because m literally looking for one. Please help me, m literally not able to focus anywhere else, is what he said that he doesn’t love me anymore n does not want to come back , he does not feel anything for ryt now. what should i do, i really love him, n he knows all of this and that m waiting for him. how can he not feel a thing and ask me to move on what should i do? is there a chance? plzzz help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      Would keeping on contact or chasing him help you to get him back and miss you?

    • Sarah - 0

      Sarah

      what do you think i should do, i am not talking to him right now, do you think this will help? Do u think i stand a single chance of getting him back like he was before???

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      There’s not guarantee that no contact will work but chasing is never attractive.. Plus it doesn’t help you to heal and improve yourself. When you start doing the no contact rule, the most important that you have to do is to grow, to improve. It’s not just about stopping to contact him. How would he be interested if you if you were still the woman that he left right?

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