If He Tells You That He Never Loved You Then Do This…

It can be a horrifying feeling when a boyfriend, one day out of the blue, tells you he never loved you and eventually breaks up with you. I am sad to say that this is one of the most common stories I hear on Ex Boyfriend Recovery. In fact, lately with the amount of comments and emails I have been receiving I decided to dedicate a whole post to dissecting what your ex boyfriend means when he says “I never loved you.” Of course, I am not just going to stop there. I am also going to give you actionable steps to put you in a favorable position to maybe get him back.

Facing The Truth

facing the truth cartoon

I am not in the business or habit of lying to my website visitors. I promise that as long as you stay within the confines of this website you will get the cold hard honest truth from me. Now, part of that cold hard honest truth is facing it. Now, most likely you came to this page because you want to understand your exes process when he told you that he never loved you. Maybe a little part of you even wants him back.

Hmm… perhaps I should rephrase that. Probably a huge part of you wants him back.

If that is the case then I am going to be straight with you, you may never get him back. Most women hide from that truth or won’t accept it. Women who do that almost always tend to fail at getting their boyfriends back. Usually, it is the ones with a very positive and optimistic attitude that do well in this area of the “game.” So, before you read on I want you to take a moment and realize that there is a possibility you may never get him back. I want you to confront this truth head on and not be scared of it. The sooner you do that and accept it I promise you will be a step ahead of everyone already.

“I Never Loved You?”

never loved you

Before I start this section I want to say that if you want more insight into your ex boyfriend than what this article provides I urge you to check out my two books,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

&

The Texting Bible

I want you to stop and think back to the very beginning of your relationship. Do you remember how happy it was? There was no fighting, bickering or manipulation. There was simply the honeymoon period and everything was great. I can remember way back when I was a young lad (just kidding) with my very first relationship. The honeymoon period was absolutely sublime. It was like waking up in heaven every single day. I remember I would go to bed every single night and my heart couldn’t stop beating because I would think about my girlfriend and just couldn’t wait to see her.

Ahh… how quickly that changed.

Soon, the honeymoon period, where it seemed like it was just her and I was over. We entered into the drama and fighting part of the relationship and things went down hill from there. So, why am I giving you insight to my own personal relationship experiences. Actually, this is one of those times where my personal relationship experience can come in handy. You see, I feel I have a pretty good grasp of the mindset of a boyfriend who says “I never loved you” to a girlfriend.

Why?

Because I actually WAS one of those boyfriends. I said those exact words to my ex and I think you will be shocked at my mindset when I did it. Anyways, there are a number of factors that I do personally feel have to be addressed before we move on. Lets look at them now.

  • How long did you date your ex boyfriend for?
  • How long from the breakup did he mutter those scary words “I never love you?”
  • What exactly did you do to him over the course of the relationship to make him feel he had to say those words to you?

How Long Did You Date Your Ex Boyfriend For?

how long you have been dating

I feel compelled to mention this because there are relationship and then there are RELATIONSHIPS. If you only dated him for a month and he said “I never loved you” to you then the odds are not in your favor of him not really meaning them. A month isn’t a long time when it comes to relationships. It doesn’t give you a lot of time to form a meaningful emotional connection with another human being. Now, on the other hand if you dated him for a year and were thick as thieves and he tells you that “he never loved you…” Well, there might be a little more to his statement than meets the ear.

How Long From The Breakup Did It Take For Him To Mutter Those Scary Words?

stages of breaking up

Everyone coming to this website is a human being, I hope. Like all human beings we have these little things called emotions. We can get our feelings hurt, we can experience extreme joy and we can even get angry if provoked. I would like to focus on that last little emotion for a moment, anger. I think everyone who has lived long enough has experienced a time where they have seen nothing but RED for a few hours because of their anger. Now, lets take a moment to step into the mind of your ex boyfriend. We know for a fact that immediately after a breakup is when everyone is out their peak when it comes to emotions. You are angry, he is angry, we are all so darn angry.

And what exactly do angry people do? THEY SAY THINGS THEY DON’T MEAN! So, it could be a possibility that if he said those four scary little words to you in the heat of the moment he really didn’t mean it truly deep down.

What Exactly Did You Do To Him Over The Course Of The Relationship?

chasing husband

If your relationship with your ex boyfriend was full of fights, thrown lamps and/or physical abuse on your part. Well, you aren’t doing yourself any favors trust me on that. Of course, there is another type of couple warfare that can have a devastating effect on a man, emotional warfare. I am using the words warfare because I do know some women literally manipulate the heck out of their man. Sure, it can go both ways as men can manipulate just like women can. However, we aren’t focusing on your ex in this section. We are specifically taking a look at YOUR actions during the relationship.

The more emotionally or physically manipulative you may have been during the relationship there could be a chance that he is happy to have you gone. Now, I am not saying he won’t want you back eventually (because there will be a point where he will) but you certainly didn’t do yourself any favors.

“I Never Loved You” What Does He Mean By That?

you really mean it

I mentioned above that I am in a special position where I have a bit of personal experience with the words “I never loved you.” In this section, I am going to tell you about my mindset when I said those words to my ex and I will also give you a number of other things that your ex could really mean when he says it.

To this particular girl, I am ashamed to admit that I was not the most experienced boyfriend. It was my first real relationship and I hadn’t quite matured to the level that I think was required to make the relationship work. I ended up initiating the breakup but in my heart I still kind of wanted to make things work in the moment. I broke up with her in the moment purely out of anger and arrogance. If I remember correctly, the two of us went about 3 days without talking. This was extremely rare as we were accustomed to speaking on a daily basis.

She was the one who extended an olive branch first and I slapped it away immediately. Again, I was very angry still. I suppose, I was just being angry for the sake of being angry. It felt good to be angry at her when the truth was that I was actually really angry at myself. I hated who I had become and that I had lost control over myself. Sure, she definitely had a part in making me that way but I am the type of person that likes to take responsibility for his actions.

Eventually, we got on speaking terms again but I still wasn’t in a calm place. That was when I muttered those four very hurtful words, “I never loved you.”

Here was the truth though, I muttered those words out of a place of anger. At one point of the relationship I did actually have those types of feelings. I was also a little bit scared at what the future would hold. You see, I thought that this particular girl and I were going to last a long time. It was my first real relationship so you’ll have to forgive my ignorance ;). I was just frightened at the uncertainty of the future. I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself and I was just extremely frustrated that I had lost control of the entire situation.

As I talk about in PRO I think a lot of guys are like me. They mutter those words out of a place of complete anger. The truth is that if they are completely honest with themselves and look deep within, they will admit that they are still capable of having those types of feelings. There is a very fine line between love and hate. Sometimes, even though it can seem like his actions say “I hate you” they are done from a place of love. I know it sounds confusing but sometimes it isn’t as black and white as just love and hate.

Diving Deeper

diving deeper

Notice how in the above sentence I didn’t say that all guys are like me. Yes, I think a lot of guys are very similar to me but there will always be those “exceptions.” In this section I want to dive deeper and help you figure out what else your ex could be meaning when he says “I never loved you” if he isn’t doing it out of a place of anger like I was. Below I have compiled a list of other possible motivations behind him muttering those words.

  • He might not be feeling attracted to you anymore.
  • He might have gotten bored in the relationship.
  • His emotional/physical needs were not met by you.
  • He actually means it.

He Might Not Be Feeling Attracted To You Anymore

are you attracted

That silly, silly fool. He is confusing love with attraction. A lot of women who discover that this is what their ex really means freak out on the spot. However, I tend to take the opposite approach, if your ex isn’t attracted to you then that means you have a great opportunity to re attract him. I have so much advice on how to do this throughout the site that I just feel like I would be repeating myself if I told you here yet again. If you know that your ex boyfriend is a pretty nice guy he would probably spare your feelings by saying “I never loved you” instead of  “I don’t think you are attractive.”

Now, both those statements are a little depressing to hear but I would gladly take the “I don’t think you are attractive” one over the “I never loved you” any day of the week. At least that way you have actually have a shot at getting him back by re-attracting him.

He Might Have Gotten Bored In The Relationship

im bored

Believe it or not but your ex may have gotten really bored with the relationship. I have multiple friends who are a little bored in their relationships. I would say that this usually tends to happen to couples who have been together for more than a year. Eventually, you get to a point where you have done everything there is to do together in a romantic relationship and you are just killing time together. Now, it might also be possible for a guy to get bored in a relationship really early on if he just gets bored easily.

Either way, this isn’t a bad reason at all. In fact, I would say the breakup and time away might actually help your case to get him back. Being boring is something you can definitely fix. Remember, what we are looking for here are areas of improvement. Any time you find one look at it as an opportunity to evolve and become something that he can’t stay away from.

His Emotional/Physical Needs Were Not Met By You

voldemort what

Yes, guys have emotional needs too! In fact, if they don’t get exactly what they need they can start questioning the relationship very early on. My brother is a good example here. I remember he was dating a girl who wasn’t giving him what he needed on an emotional level and he started questioning the relationship. In fact, he wanted to break up with her about two weeks before he actually did it. Now, his case might not relate to yours because he was never in love with the girl. However, I wanted to include his story to show you that if guys don’t get what they need emotionally it can be troublesome.

Of course, this is almost doubly true for guys and their physical needs. Now, I am a very rare breed in this world. I don’t pressure any girl to ever want to be with me physically. To me, I think the sexiest thing is to be with a girl who actually WANTS to be with you.

Unfortunately, most guys are not like me. They will pressure women and if they don’t get what they want it makes them really angry. I am not saying this to change your morals. All I am doing here is educating you on why he said “I never loved you.” I think in the case where you wouldn’t sleep with him it is more of a matter of him thinking “I am angry at your for not sleeping with me so I am going to say this to hurt you.”

He Actually Means It

confused

There will always be those cases where the stars won’t align in your favor and he could actually be meaning what he says. This is unfortunate and I think in this case there is nothing you can do. However, I will tell you that this is actually rarer than you would think. Most men after a breakup are just as emotional as women are and say things that they don’t really mean.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

What’s Next?

So, now that you know all about what he really means when he says “I never loved you” what are supposed to do now? I highly encourage you to take a look around our site. I have multiple pages on how to get your ex back in all kinds of crazy situations. However, if I had to recommend just one page to you I would definitely say that you should read my how to get your ex boyfriend back complete guide. I spent the better part of a month researching and writing it and I promise you that you will not be disappointed.

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Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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355 Comments on "If He Tells You That He Never Loved You Then Do This…"

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Nikita
Guest
My bf left me after 2 years…we were together for 1 year and from last 1 year we are in a long distance relationship ..he loved me so much ..he was the one who promised me that he will marry me and always loved me …but suddenly we dint talk for 10 as he was busy with his job and after dat one day he calls me and says dat I never loved u but u r important for me and he wanted me to be his bestfriend and told me dat he can’t take anymore ..but I can’t be… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Nikita,

Try the advice above and check this one too:
If You Had a Long Distance Breakup Here Is How You Get Back Together

Nikita
Guest
My bf left me after 2 years…we were together for 1 year and from last 1 year we are in a long distance relationship ..he loved me so much ..he was the one who promised me that he will marry me and always loved me …but suddenly we dint talk for 10 as he was busy with his job and after dat one day he calls me and says dat I never loved u but u r important for me and he wanted me to be his bestfriend and told me dat he can’t take anymore ..but I can’t be… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Nikita,

Try the advice above and check this one too:
If You Had a Long Distance Breakup Here Is How You Get Back Together

M
Guest
It has been 50 days and NO contact. My ex bf has not reached out to me ONCE! I know he is enjoying being single and seeing other people, but not positive if he is in a rebound relationship or not. I don’t know what to do. I feel he needs to approach ME first because I was very needy in the relationship and he could always count on me running back to him. But, he is also insanely stubborn so I’m certain he is waiting for me to do that out of ego/pride. I do not want to make… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

How mcuh did you improve and how active were you in posting?

M
Guest
It has been 50 days and NO contact. My ex bf has not reached out to me ONCE! I know he is enjoying being single and seeing other people, but not positive if he is in a rebound relationship or not. I don’t know what to do. I feel he needs to approach ME first because I was very needy in the relationship and he could always count on me running back to him. But, he is also insanely stubborn so I’m certain he is waiting for me to do that out of ego/pride. I do not want to make… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

How mcuh did you improve and how active were you in posting?

Sage
Guest
My ex-boyfriend of 10 months just broke up with me, telling me that he never loved me. We parted on good terms and he wanted to be friends. Things had been going down hill for a while and when he broke up with me. He said he’d wanted to for 2 months now but didn”t want to hurt me. The thing is he’s been depressed for a while. He’d lost his apartment, moved in with his parents, works night shift so he doesn’t really have a social and is tired all the time. He also goes to college. He just… Read more »
Sage
Guest
My ex-boyfriend of 10 months just broke up with me, telling me that he never loved me. We parted on good terms and he wanted to be friends. Things had been going down hill for a while and when he broke up with me. He said he’d wanted to for 2 months now but didn”t want to hurt me. The thing is he’s been depressed for a while. He’d lost his apartment, moved in with his parents, works night shift so he doesn’t really have a social and is tired all the time. He also goes to college. He just… Read more »
Erin
Guest
When my ex and I broke up, he said that maybe he never loved me and I thought it was just so the breakup was clean, then he said he wouldn’t rule anything out and that maybe just maybe we could build back up from friends to be together again. Cut to over a month later, I’ve done NC, I did the first text, we started talking, texting and I guess being friendly. So finally the first phone call happens, and we talk for a few hours and at the end I ask him ” Did you only say you… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Erin,

Oh no.. that was a wrong move.. it’s like you told him him your plan… but right now, after what he said, what’s your decision?

Erin
Guest
When my ex and I broke up, he said that maybe he never loved me and I thought it was just so the breakup was clean, then he said he wouldn’t rule anything out and that maybe just maybe we could build back up from friends to be together again. Cut to over a month later, I’ve done NC, I did the first text, we started talking, texting and I guess being friendly. So finally the first phone call happens, and we talk for a few hours and at the end I ask him ” Did you only say you… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Erin,

Oh no.. that was a wrong move.. it’s like you told him him your plan… but right now, after what he said, what’s your decision?

77
Guest
This is a great website. First thing is, I started dating a guy in july. We dated until October 2016. Only a three-four month relationship. It started casual like he asked me out to a lunch date when we both got paid and i said sure. Well, I am the idiot that said we should be more, did we want to just have lunch, date, be friends, court even? I am 43 and he is a little younger than me. But he said you date, get to know one another. I said Ok. Well, our first week together we were… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI 77,

if you are really moving on, just stop talking to him and investing attention and emotion. If he needs to talk about important, be polite but that’s it. No more other talk about anything else. If he hands you something that pisses you off, like the way he talks to you or other people, just don’t take it by not giving attention to it.

77
Guest
This is a great website. First thing is, I started dating a guy in july. We dated until October 2016. Only a three-four month relationship. It started casual like he asked me out to a lunch date when we both got paid and i said sure. Well, I am the idiot that said we should be more, did we want to just have lunch, date, be friends, court even? I am 43 and he is a little younger than me. But he said you date, get to know one another. I said Ok. Well, our first week together we were… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

HI 77,

if you are really moving on, just stop talking to him and investing attention and emotion. If he needs to talk about important, be polite but that’s it. No more other talk about anything else. If he hands you something that pisses you off, like the way he talks to you or other people, just don’t take it by not giving attention to it.

Shivi
Guest
My ex brokeup with me four days back. I asked him thatbdoes he actually love me? And he just replied no i dont. I was shocked. We were having a very good relationship we were so much in love. He just said that those past fights made him like this he lost all the feelings he was just trying to love me from past 2 months just for my sake and now he cant hurt or fake more. I love him madly all i do is cry. I am very weak. What shall i do? I want him back. I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Shivi,

do you want to try the no contact rule? And what do you think about the advice above?

Shivi
Guest
My ex brokeup with me four days back. I asked him thatbdoes he actually love me? And he just replied no i dont. I was shocked. We were having a very good relationship we were so much in love. He just said that those past fights made him like this he lost all the feelings he was just trying to love me from past 2 months just for my sake and now he cant hurt or fake more. I love him madly all i do is cry. I am very weak. What shall i do? I want him back. I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Shivi,

do you want to try the no contact rule? And what do you think about the advice above?

Mira
Guest
Hello. I need some serious advice about my boyfriend. I already purchased the premium package of your ex boyfriend recovery but the thing is I don’t know if the book can be applied to me since we have not broken up yet. I have been dating this guy for almost 6 months now. We have not broken up yet but he said he doesn’t feel like he loves me anymore. He got bored of me and our relationship. He said he doesn’t miss me when we’re away anymore. We met only once in two weeks and I’m dying to see… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
Mira
Guest
Hello. I need some serious advice about my boyfriend. I already purchased the premium package of your ex boyfriend recovery but the thing is I don’t know if the book can be applied to me since we have not broken up yet. I have been dating this guy for almost 6 months now. We have not broken up yet but he said he doesn’t feel like he loves me anymore. He got bored of me and our relationship. He said he doesn’t miss me when we’re away anymore. We met only once in two weeks and I’m dying to see… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
Sarah
Guest
I have in relationship with a guy for 4 years. This year in July he said he does not love me anymore and wants of the commitment, but since then we used to talk daily so I thought it might just work out. But yesterday he said something that kind of hurt me that he didn’t love all these years like the way i do, but i know he did because then he added that i need to think if he loved me or not, I know he did because his actions showed the way he cared, how does anybody… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sarah,

Would keeping on contact or chasing him help you to get him back and miss you?

Sarah
Guest

what do you think i should do, i am not talking to him right now, do you think this will help? Do u think i stand a single chance of getting him back like he was before???

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

There’s not guarantee that no contact will work but chasing is never attractive.. Plus it doesn’t help you to heal and improve yourself. When you start doing the no contact rule, the most important that you have to do is to grow, to improve. It’s not just about stopping to contact him. How would he be interested if you if you were still the woman that he left right?

Sarah
Guest
I have in relationship with a guy for 4 years. This year in July he said he does not love me anymore and wants of the commitment, but since then we used to talk daily so I thought it might just work out. But yesterday he said something that kind of hurt me that he didn’t love all these years like the way i do, but i know he did because then he added that i need to think if he loved me or not, I know he did because his actions showed the way he cared, how does anybody… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Sarah,

Would keeping on contact or chasing him help you to get him back and miss you?

Sarah
Guest

what do you think i should do, i am not talking to him right now, do you think this will help? Do u think i stand a single chance of getting him back like he was before???

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

There’s not guarantee that no contact will work but chasing is never attractive.. Plus it doesn’t help you to heal and improve yourself. When you start doing the no contact rule, the most important that you have to do is to grow, to improve. It’s not just about stopping to contact him. How would he be interested if you if you were still the woman that he left right?

Lory
Guest
My boyfriend and I dated for 9 months. We both had our baggage (finalizing divorce, both having kids) when we met, but we seemed to go through these stages well. Between the two of us, he was the broken one (his ex gave him hell) and he was trying to back on track. I knew he needed to trust a woman again and I did my best to show him he could trust me. From the early stage he showed me he was into this relationship and me. Being in contact, wanting to see me, having our daughters meet and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lory,

If he’s really just stressed, then there is a chance. Just don’t chase him. Take it slow after no contact. Avoid giving him a chance to think that you’re a responsibility

Lory
Guest
My boyfriend and I dated for 9 months. We both had our baggage (finalizing divorce, both having kids) when we met, but we seemed to go through these stages well. Between the two of us, he was the broken one (his ex gave him hell) and he was trying to back on track. I knew he needed to trust a woman again and I did my best to show him he could trust me. From the early stage he showed me he was into this relationship and me. Being in contact, wanting to see me, having our daughters meet and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Lory,

If he’s really just stressed, then there is a chance. Just don’t chase him. Take it slow after no contact. Avoid giving him a chance to think that you’re a responsibility

Robynn
Guest

Me and my boyfriend (now ex) we’re together for quite a long time and we just recently broke up. We haven’t spoken since it happened. But today I hear that he was telling his friends that he knew he didn’t want to marry me and that he was laying to me when talked about buying a place together. Should I say something to him? I’m doing the 30NC and I plan on sticking to it, but I also can’t just forget that he’s telling people this.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Robynn,

when and why did you break up? I know there’s a need to confront him about it, but I don’t think it’s healthy right now

Robynn
Guest

Me and my boyfriend (now ex) we’re together for quite a long time and we just recently broke up. We haven’t spoken since it happened. But today I hear that he was telling his friends that he knew he didn’t want to marry me and that he was laying to me when talked about buying a place together. Should I say something to him? I’m doing the 30NC and I plan on sticking to it, but I also can’t just forget that he’s telling people this.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Robynn,

when and why did you break up? I know there’s a need to confront him about it, but I don’t think it’s healthy right now

Sarah
Guest
Hi, My name is Sarah and I am going through a break up. It’s not like any other break up where I know I can cut him off and move on. We share a 4mth old baby and I really do love him. We dated for 2 years and moved in together 6mths ago. We have had issues, I would get angry when he would get drunk causing me to not communicate with him and lash out at him at random times. This happened for a year. We broke up once and within that month I ended up pregnant. I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

hi Sarah,

try limited no contact and read this articles:
et Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

and he’s also right.. you didn’t know each other that well.. take it slow this time

Sarah
Guest

Thank you! I am in minimal contact day #2. i moved out with the baby. he said he didn’t see himself with me and that he would never love me, but cares about me because I am his baby’s mom. We have to see each other every day because of the baby but i just pick the baby up and leave. I don’t have any conversations with him unless it’s about the baby. should i suggest to go out together with the baby,as a family in one week or just keep minimal contact for 30days?

Sarah
Guest

He asked me if we could talk? is this a good sign. I’m on day 4 of minimum contact.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

no, don’t ask him to havs a family bonding..keep being in minimal contact..if he wants to talk listen first..if he says, he wants to work things out, let him prove it first..
if he’s just explaining things, just afree and then continue on minimal contact
if he says he wants to be friends, tell him you’re not ready and then continue on minimal nc

Sarah
Guest
Hi, My name is Sarah and I am going through a break up. It’s not like any other break up where I know I can cut him off and move on. We share a 4mth old baby and I really do love him. We dated for 2 years and moved in together 6mths ago. We have had issues, I would get angry when he would get drunk causing me to not communicate with him and lash out at him at random times. This happened for a year. We broke up once and within that month I ended up pregnant. I… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

hi Sarah,

try limited no contact and read this articles:
et Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

and he’s also right.. you didn’t know each other that well.. take it slow this time

Sarah
Guest

Thank you! I am in minimal contact day #2. i moved out with the baby. he said he didn’t see himself with me and that he would never love me, but cares about me because I am his baby’s mom. We have to see each other every day because of the baby but i just pick the baby up and leave. I don’t have any conversations with him unless it’s about the baby. should i suggest to go out together with the baby,as a family in one week or just keep minimal contact for 30days?

Sarah
Guest

He asked me if we could talk? is this a good sign. I’m on day 4 of minimum contact.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

no, don’t ask him to havs a family bonding..keep being in minimal contact..if he wants to talk listen first..if he says, he wants to work things out, let him prove it first..
if he’s just explaining things, just afree and then continue on minimal contact
if he says he wants to be friends, tell him you’re not ready and then continue on minimal nc

Kira
Guest
During our actual breakup, my ex boyfriend told me he didn’t love me and didn’t think he would. His reason for the breakup waws that he wasn’t totally sure it was right and that it wasn’t how he thought it should be. He said he knew how he felt but also that he didn’t know what he was doing or thinking, or what he would feel . During our relationship he acted completely in love with me, telling me all teh time he needed me adn couldn’t be without me. We’d met each others’ families and spent almost every day… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kira,

what do you think is the real reason for the breakup?

Kira
Guest

Depression I think — he’s not happy at all with his life/career. And he has strange expectations of where he should be and what he should be feeling
Is there any hope here? Did he just really mean it?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

then that means he probably just said all of those because of emotions

Morgan
Guest

My situation is very similar to Kira’s. But you haven’t expanded on how to meet someone’s emotional needs or what that means.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Morgan, yeah, it’s good that you asked. You can’t control him. If he’s depressed he has to sort that out on his own. No matter what you do, if a person is depressed and doesn’t want to take the initiative to help him/herself, then nothing will change. You can be one of the factors that makes him happy, but never be the sole source of his happiness. That’s not real love anymore. The best you can do is to inspire him to live his life by living your own and not babying him.. because if you reward his depression… Read more »
Kira
Guest
During our actual breakup, my ex boyfriend told me he didn’t love me and didn’t think he would. His reason for the breakup waws that he wasn’t totally sure it was right and that it wasn’t how he thought it should be. He said he knew how he felt but also that he didn’t know what he was doing or thinking, or what he would feel . During our relationship he acted completely in love with me, telling me all teh time he needed me adn couldn’t be without me. We’d met each others’ families and spent almost every day… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Kira,

what do you think is the real reason for the breakup?

Kira
Guest

Depression I think — he’s not happy at all with his life/career. And he has strange expectations of where he should be and what he should be feeling
Is there any hope here? Did he just really mean it?

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

then that means he probably just said all of those because of emotions

Morgan
Guest

My situation is very similar to Kira’s. But you haven’t expanded on how to meet someone’s emotional needs or what that means.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor
Hi Morgan, yeah, it’s good that you asked. You can’t control him. If he’s depressed he has to sort that out on his own. No matter what you do, if a person is depressed and doesn’t want to take the initiative to help him/herself, then nothing will change. You can be one of the factors that makes him happy, but never be the sole source of his happiness. That’s not real love anymore. The best you can do is to inspire him to live his life by living your own and not babying him.. because if you reward his depression… Read more »
Tarryn
Guest
Hi Chris, Thanks for your time and help. 😀 My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago and this was after a month break so he could decide why he wasn’t falling in love with me after being with me for a year and if he wanted the relationship to continue to the next step or end. He is a honest and very kind man and I know that what he says he tries his best to explain honestly. He broke up with me on Easter Sunday. He said his priorities have changed and he just doesn’t want a… Read more »
Tarryn
Guest
Oh.. He says that he loves me but isn’t in love with me. That he cares deeply for me. He says he loves me like I am family which I find a little messed up but hey ho.. Don’t know if any of this is helpful. He also seemed hurt that after our discussion to break up I said I felt like a fool and this whole year was a waste of time. So darn confused right now!! :-s I don’t know if I’m wasting time trying to light a flame that may have never been there. I felt like… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Tarryn,

most of the time, when a person says he’s not in love anymore, it means there is no desire.. it can be because both of you have been so secure of each other or you haven’t been maintaining yourself lately.. if he sees your physical change and that you’re not as inlove to him like before, there’s a chance he will miss you and spark desire

Tarryn
Guest
Hi Chris, Thanks for your time and help. 😀 My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago and this was after a month break so he could decide why he wasn’t falling in love with me after being with me for a year and if he wanted the relationship to continue to the next step or end. He is a honest and very kind man and I know that what he says he tries his best to explain honestly. He broke up with me on Easter Sunday. He said his priorities have changed and he just doesn’t want a… Read more »
Tarryn
Guest
Oh.. He says that he loves me but isn’t in love with me. That he cares deeply for me. He says he loves me like I am family which I find a little messed up but hey ho.. Don’t know if any of this is helpful. He also seemed hurt that after our discussion to break up I said I felt like a fool and this whole year was a waste of time. So darn confused right now!! :-s I don’t know if I’m wasting time trying to light a flame that may have never been there. I felt like… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Tarryn,

most of the time, when a person says he’s not in love anymore, it means there is no desire.. it can be because both of you have been so secure of each other or you haven’t been maintaining yourself lately.. if he sees your physical change and that you’re not as inlove to him like before, there’s a chance he will miss you and spark desire

Samantha Bernal
Guest
Hi Chris, First off I wanted to say that your article really helped me. My boyfriend and I dated for a year and he is in the Army. We had problems in December but we made each other stronger and got past them, this situation occurred due to a friend interference. I went over to his house to apologize for what happened and we talked, I asked him if he still loved me and he said ‘yes’. Before he left to go back to Missouri in January he got me a promise ring. We did anything we could to try… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Samantha,

give it time.. if it’s about being in the army, let’s hope he opens up about it.. in the mean time be productive..try it for a month..if he really doesn’t contact for a month, then message him after it..don’t ask what happenend right ahead..touch base and rebuild rapport and when he is in a very good mood during a convo, then you can ask him what happened

Samantha Bernal
Guest

Okay I will try that. Thank you so much. Also I fear that If I do try to contact him that he won’t respond and I am still going out to the state he is stationed in this summer to visit my mom.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

you’re welcome.. but if you don’t do anything, he might still not communicate…

Samantha Bernal
Guest
Hi Chris, First off I wanted to say that your article really helped me. My boyfriend and I dated for a year and he is in the Army. We had problems in December but we made each other stronger and got past them, this situation occurred due to a friend interference. I went over to his house to apologize for what happened and we talked, I asked him if he still loved me and he said ‘yes’. Before he left to go back to Missouri in January he got me a promise ring. We did anything we could to try… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Samantha,

give it time.. if it’s about being in the army, let’s hope he opens up about it.. in the mean time be productive..try it for a month..if he really doesn’t contact for a month, then message him after it..don’t ask what happenend right ahead..touch base and rebuild rapport and when he is in a very good mood during a convo, then you can ask him what happened

Samantha Bernal
Guest

Okay I will try that. Thank you so much. Also I fear that If I do try to contact him that he won’t respond and I am still going out to the state he is stationed in this summer to visit my mom.

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

you’re welcome.. but if you don’t do anything, he might still not communicate…

Chantell Henry
Guest
Hey! I notice now that there is actually someone who is replying back. I would really appreciate some advice on my situation. My ex and I had an on and off relationship for a year and a few months. The last time we got back together which was 7 months ago. I did do NC never for too long though because he would text me and could tell he was on the fence so we decided to be friends and it actually worked. He regretted his decision and we got back together. This time things feel different. He is saying… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Chantell,

All of us are afraid to lose our boyfriend or girlfriend but the truth is, we can’t force them to stay. If we play too safe then he’ll end up having more power than you. It should be equal. Men make an effort when they know the woman can stand on her own if he leaves.

Chantell Henry
Guest
Hey! I notice now that there is actually someone who is replying back. I would really appreciate some advice on my situation. My ex and I had an on and off relationship for a year and a few months. The last time we got back together which was 7 months ago. I did do NC never for too long though because he would text me and could tell he was on the fence so we decided to be friends and it actually worked. He regretted his decision and we got back together. This time things feel different. He is saying… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Chantell,

All of us are afraid to lose our boyfriend or girlfriend but the truth is, we can’t force them to stay. If we play too safe then he’ll end up having more power than you. It should be equal. Men make an effort when they know the woman can stand on her own if he leaves.

Tiffany
Guest
Hi Chris – I was with my boyfriend for a year on and off. Each time we broke up it was at the 3-4 month mark on the spot (3x). When we got back together the last time it was all him. He told me he made a huge mistake letting me go an wanted me back and wanted to be with me. A few days ago was our latest breakup and it was full of tears. This was the first time I had seen him cry, but I have never seen such a manly man cry so hard and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Tiffany,

I think he needs to have space so he can think about what you said and have realizations

Tiffany
Guest
I know I need to give him space. The last time we broke up, he came back to me in 4 days. We have talked once or twice since we broke up, and both agree this is the hardest one yet. He said he was going to call me tonight and I am plan on talking with him just to clear up some lose ends. It’s hard to walk away from so easily and I feel like I have to fight, but also know that space is going to be the best move. This is my plan after tonight –… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

For me, since it’s been a couple of times now, you have to do nc to break the cycle of breaking up and then coming back together.. you have to tell him that you’re not like he’s past and he has to be fair to you.. that you need space bcause it has been emotionally draining for you

Tiffany
Guest
Hi Chris – I was with my boyfriend for a year on and off. Each time we broke up it was at the 3-4 month mark on the spot (3x). When we got back together the last time it was all him. He told me he made a huge mistake letting me go an wanted me back and wanted to be with me. A few days ago was our latest breakup and it was full of tears. This was the first time I had seen him cry, but I have never seen such a manly man cry so hard and… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Tiffany,

I think he needs to have space so he can think about what you said and have realizations

Tiffany
Guest
I know I need to give him space. The last time we broke up, he came back to me in 4 days. We have talked once or twice since we broke up, and both agree this is the hardest one yet. He said he was going to call me tonight and I am plan on talking with him just to clear up some lose ends. It’s hard to walk away from so easily and I feel like I have to fight, but also know that space is going to be the best move. This is my plan after tonight –… Read more »
EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

For me, since it’s been a couple of times now, you have to do nc to break the cycle of breaking up and then coming back together.. you have to tell him that you’re not like he’s past and he has to be fair to you.. that you need space bcause it has been emotionally draining for you

Jamie
Guest
Hey Chris My boyfriend and I broke up with me about three months we were together for nearly three years, he thought I cheated on him, there was a face and a private part photo was sent of me, and I didn’t even know about it, and he found out and he didn’t believe it wansnt me, he saw wat he saw, consider we were together all the time even when after work always together and he also help my parents with some money for a bond when there moved into a new place but there is two side of… Read more »
Jamie
Guest

I keep texting him nearly all the time hope I have pushing away more and more be user he doesn’t even speak to me now he also sound like he is abit jealous for some reason but when I keep text him he also said to leave him alone and doesn’t care anymore

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jamie,

Was all of those said in just one conversation? Right after he saw the photo?

Jamie
Guest
Hey Chris My boyfriend and I broke up with me about three months we were together for nearly three years, he thought I cheated on him, there was a face and a private part photo was sent of me, and I didn’t even know about it, and he found out and he didn’t believe it wansnt me, he saw wat he saw, consider we were together all the time even when after work always together and he also help my parents with some money for a bond when there moved into a new place but there is two side of… Read more »
Jamie
Guest

I keep texting him nearly all the time hope I have pushing away more and more be user he doesn’t even speak to me now he also sound like he is abit jealous for some reason but when I keep text him he also said to leave him alone and doesn’t care anymore

EBR Team Member: Amor
Guest
EBR Team Member: Amor

Hi Jamie,

Was all of those said in just one conversation? Right after he saw the photo?

J
Guest
Hi Chris! I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He broke up with me rather. He told me he never really loved me since the beginning of our relationship. I don’t want to believe him because he was able to show me he loved me during our relationship. After reading this post, I realized that it can be the three out of the four reasons. This past few months, I could feel that he was not attracted to me anymore. We were living together for a year before we broke up. Maybe we reached the point where… Read more »
J
Guest
Hi Chris! I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He broke up with me rather. He told me he never really loved me since the beginning of our relationship. I don’t want to believe him because he was able to show me he loved me during our relationship. After reading this post, I realized that it can be the three out of the four reasons. This past few months, I could feel that he was not attracted to me anymore. We were living together for a year before we broke up. Maybe we reached the point where… Read more »
Cassie
Guest
Hi. Me and my boyfriend recently split up. We were together for nearly a year this coming Christmas. We have been on and off, due to arguments, insecurity and jealousy mainly. We have gotten to the point now where he has said he is done with me, he never loved me, he was just lying and that he never wants me back. I and a few of his family members still have a glint of hope. I adore this man, we made many life plans, we were engaged and even tried to start a family (upset followed as I miscarried… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Guest

Men often say things they don’t mean when they are angry. Well let’s face it everyone does that.

Do no contact for 30 days. Try to reach out after that.

Cassie
Guest
Hi. Me and my boyfriend recently split up. We were together for nearly a year this coming Christmas. We have been on and off, due to arguments, insecurity and jealousy mainly. We have gotten to the point now where he has said he is done with me, he never loved me, he was just lying and that he never wants me back. I and a few of his family members still have a glint of hope. I adore this man, we made many life plans, we were engaged and even tried to start a family (upset followed as I miscarried… Read more »
Chris Seiter
Guest

Men often say things they don’t mean when they are angry. Well let’s face it everyone does that.

Do no contact for 30 days. Try to reach out after that.

Kait
Guest
Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he… Read more »
Sheila
Guest

I will give you a honest answer. You are humiliating yourself. Why women disrespect themselves so much because they refuse to face the reality? You are not listening to him. For him, the relationship is over. He is rejecting you again and again but you keep on begging. You are doing this because of your emotions, you cannot control yourself due to your emotions. I think the NC rule will not make him change his mind but giving him some space might help him to analyse things with a calm mind.

Kait
Guest
Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he… Read more »
Sheila
Guest

I will give you a honest answer. You are humiliating yourself. Why women disrespect themselves so much because they refuse to face the reality? You are not listening to him. For him, the relationship is over. He is rejecting you again and again but you keep on begging. You are doing this because of your emotions, you cannot control yourself due to your emotions. I think the NC rule will not make him change his mind but giving him some space might help him to analyse things with a calm mind.

Mary
Guest
Well, I was dumped about a month ago now (we were together for two years) and it was confusing, because he told me that he still had stong and real feelings for me, and that the didn’t really want to break up, but he was lost and felt like he could give me what I needed and deserved. I just let it go, thinking he was just having a crisis and felt like I wanted more commitment that he wasn’t ready to give. Maybe he felt like I wasn’t “the one” or…whatever. I was just confused because it came out… Read more »
Carole
Guest
It’s better that you know now than to be in a relationship for 24 years then to be told that he never loved you in that way but that he came to care about you. Man I ran as fast as I could and never saw him again. That my friend is quite a blow. Don’t try to get someone back who knew of your disposition and then used it as a door out of the relationship. Do you really want a man that comes back out of pitty, both of you guys will be in a sort of jail… Read more »
Mary
Guest
Well, I was dumped about a month ago now (we were together for two years) and it was confusing, because he told me that he still had stong and real feelings for me, and that the didn’t really want to break up, but he was lost and felt like he could give me what I needed and deserved. I just let it go, thinking he was just having a crisis and felt like I wanted more commitment that he wasn’t ready to give. Maybe he felt like I wasn’t “the one” or…whatever. I was just confused because it came out… Read more »
Carole
Guest
It’s better that you know now than to be in a relationship for 24 years then to be told that he never loved you in that way but that he came to care about you. Man I ran as fast as I could and never saw him again. That my friend is quite a blow. Don’t try to get someone back who knew of your disposition and then used it as a door out of the relationship. Do you really want a man that comes back out of pitty, both of you guys will be in a sort of jail… Read more »
Sarah
Guest
Hi! My ex-boyfriend and I broke up two days ago and this came as a complete shock to me. We had been together for almost 9 months and had had the most amazing time together. However, we were only together for 4 months before I started study abroad in Australia. We decided to stay together and although things were hard because we missed each other we were still as close as ever. We said we loved each other every day and he would send me sweet messages or cute animal pictures/videos for me to wake up to when I was… Read more »
Sarah
Guest
Hi! My ex-boyfriend and I broke up two days ago and this came as a complete shock to me. We had been together for almost 9 months and had had the most amazing time together. However, we were only together for 4 months before I started study abroad in Australia. We decided to stay together and although things were hard because we missed each other we were still as close as ever. We said we loved each other every day and he would send me sweet messages or cute animal pictures/videos for me to wake up to when I was… Read more »
Nidhi
Guest
I dont know from where to start . Its 8 months back that my best frnd just had his breakup . He was a bit upset so i talked with him for hours on fb to make him feel good . then one day he said to me that he likes me but i didnt react to it as he is a kind of guy i cant trust at one go especially at this. It continued for several months and then one day he proposed me . I denied (i liked him but wasnt sure of him) . We started… Read more »
Nidhi
Guest
I dont know from where to start . Its 8 months back that my best frnd just had his breakup . He was a bit upset so i talked with him for hours on fb to make him feel good . then one day he said to me that he likes me but i didnt react to it as he is a kind of guy i cant trust at one go especially at this. It continued for several months and then one day he proposed me . I denied (i liked him but wasnt sure of him) . We started… Read more »
Kelly
Guest
Hi Chris. I was with my ex about a year and a half. We are in our mid 30s and things progressed very quickly. I was his first serious relationship. I heard from many of his peers and friends that he talked about me all the time and they’ve never seen him be this way about another girl. For the most part, he was a great boyfriend-flowers, thoughtful texts, dates, trips, meeting families, wanting to move in together, etc. Periodically, we would get into big fights where he would say terrible things to me. “I dont love you” “I’m never… Read more »
Kelly
Guest
Hi Chris. I was with my ex about a year and a half. We are in our mid 30s and things progressed very quickly. I was his first serious relationship. I heard from many of his peers and friends that he talked about me all the time and they’ve never seen him be this way about another girl. For the most part, he was a great boyfriend-flowers, thoughtful texts, dates, trips, meeting families, wanting to move in together, etc. Periodically, we would get into big fights where he would say terrible things to me. “I dont love you” “I’m never… Read more »
Ashley
Guest
I just recently had a break up. like two weeks ago. we had been together for 8 months and I was practically living with him for the last month. everything seemed good we were making near and distant future plans. He has been laid off since we became official and I have been supporting him find a new job in his field and tried to not push the issue and stress him out. we broke up once before after 2 months and we ended up deciding o give it a second chance. I felt blind sided when I came home… Read more »
Ashley
Guest
I just recently had a break up. like two weeks ago. we had been together for 8 months and I was practically living with him for the last month. everything seemed good we were making near and distant future plans. He has been laid off since we became official and I have been supporting him find a new job in his field and tried to not push the issue and stress him out. we broke up once before after 2 months and we ended up deciding o give it a second chance. I felt blind sided when I came home… Read more »