It can be a horrifying feeling when a boyfriend, one day out of the blue, tells you he never loved you and eventually breaks up with you. I am sad to say that this is one of the most common stories I hear on Ex Boyfriend Recovery. In fact, lately with the amount of comments and emails I have been receiving I decided to dedicate a whole post to dissecting what your ex boyfriend means when he says “I never loved you.” Of course, I am not just going to stop there. I am also going to give you actionable steps to put you in a favorable position to maybe get him back.

Facing The Truth

facing the truth cartoon

I am not in the business or habit of lying to my website visitors. I promise that as long as you stay within the confines of this website you will get the cold hard honest truth from me. Now, part of that cold hard honest truth is facing it. Now, most likely you came to this page because you want to understand your exes process when he told you that he never loved you. Maybe a little part of you even wants him back.

Hmm… perhaps I should rephrase that. Probably a huge part of you wants him back.

If that is the case then I am going to be straight with you, you may never get him back. Most women hide from that truth or won’t accept it. Women who do that almost always tend to fail at getting their boyfriends back. Usually, it is the ones with a very positive and optimistic attitude that do well in this area of the “game.” So, before you read on I want you to take a moment and realize that there is a possibility you may never get him back. I want you to confront this truth head on and not be scared of it. The sooner you do that and accept it I promise you will be a step ahead of everyone already.

“I Never Loved You?”

never loved you

Before I start this section I want to say that if you want more insight into your ex boyfriend than what this article provides I urge you to check out my two books,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

&

The Texting Bible

I want you to stop and think back to the very beginning of your relationship. Do you remember how happy it was? There was no fighting, bickering or manipulation. There was simply the honeymoon period and everything was great. I can remember way back when I was a young lad (just kidding) with my very first relationship. The honeymoon period was absolutely sublime. It was like waking up in heaven every single day. I remember I would go to bed every single night and my heart couldn’t stop beating because I would think about my girlfriend and just couldn’t wait to see her.

Ahh… how quickly that changed.

Soon, the honeymoon period, where it seemed like it was just her and I was over. We entered into the drama and fighting part of the relationship and things went down hill from there. So, why am I giving you insight to my own personal relationship experiences. Actually, this is one of those times where my personal relationship experience can come in handy. You see, I feel I have a pretty good grasp of the mindset of a boyfriend who says “I never loved you” to a girlfriend.

Why?

Because I actually WAS one of those boyfriends. I said those exact words to my ex and I think you will be shocked at my mindset when I did it. Anyways, there are a number of factors that I do personally feel have to be addressed before we move on. Lets look at them now.

  • How long did you date your ex boyfriend for?
  • How long from the breakup did he mutter those scary words “I never love you?”
  • What exactly did you do to him over the course of the relationship to make him feel he had to say those words to you?

How Long Did You Date Your Ex Boyfriend For?

how long you have been dating

I feel compelled to mention this because there are relationship and then there are RELATIONSHIPS. If you only dated him for a month and he said “I never loved you” to you then the odds are not in your favor of him not really meaning them. A month isn’t a long time when it comes to relationships. It doesn’t give you a lot of time to form a meaningful emotional connection with another human being. Now, on the other hand if you dated him for a year and were thick as thieves and he tells you that “he never loved you…” Well, there might be a little more to his statement than meets the ear.

How Long From The Breakup Did It Take For Him To Mutter Those Scary Words?

stages of breaking up

Everyone coming to this website is a human being, I hope. Like all human beings we have these little things called emotions. We can get our feelings hurt, we can experience extreme joy and we can even get angry if provoked. I would like to focus on that last little emotion for a moment, anger. I think everyone who has lived long enough has experienced a time where they have seen nothing but RED for a few hours because of their anger. Now, lets take a moment to step into the mind of your ex boyfriend. We know for a fact that immediately after a breakup is when everyone is out their peak when it comes to emotions. You are angry, he is angry, we are all so darn angry.

And what exactly do angry people do? THEY SAY THINGS THEY DON’T MEAN! So, it could be a possibility that if he said those four scary little words to you in the heat of the moment he really didn’t mean it truly deep down.

What Exactly Did You Do To Him Over The Course Of The Relationship?

chasing husband

If your relationship with your ex boyfriend was full of fights, thrown lamps and/or physical abuse on your part. Well, you aren’t doing yourself any favors trust me on that. Of course, there is another type of couple warfare that can have a devastating effect on a man, emotional warfare. I am using the words warfare because I do know some women literally manipulate the heck out of their man. Sure, it can go both ways as men can manipulate just like women can. However, we aren’t focusing on your ex in this section. We are specifically taking a look at YOUR actions during the relationship.

The more emotionally or physically manipulative you may have been during the relationship there could be a chance that he is happy to have you gone. Now, I am not saying he won’t want you back eventually (because there will be a point where he will) but you certainly didn’t do yourself any favors.

“I Never Loved You” What Does He Mean By That?

you really mean it

I mentioned above that I am in a special position where I have a bit of personal experience with the words “I never loved you.” In this section, I am going to tell you about my mindset when I said those words to my ex and I will also give you a number of other things that your ex could really mean when he says it.

To this particular girl, I am ashamed to admit that I was not the most experienced boyfriend. It was my first real relationship and I hadn’t quite matured to the level that I think was required to make the relationship work. I ended up initiating the breakup but in my heart I still kind of wanted to make things work in the moment. I broke up with her in the moment purely out of anger and arrogance. If I remember correctly, the two of us went about 3 days without talking. This was extremely rare as we were accustomed to speaking on a daily basis.

She was the one who extended an olive branch first and I slapped it away immediately. Again, I was very angry still. I suppose, I was just being angry for the sake of being angry. It felt good to be angry at her when the truth was that I was actually really angry at myself. I hated who I had become and that I had lost control over myself. Sure, she definitely had a part in making me that way but I am the type of person that likes to take responsibility for his actions.

Eventually, we got on speaking terms again but I still wasn’t in a calm place. That was when I muttered those four very hurtful words, “I never loved you.”

Here was the truth though, I muttered those words out of a place of anger. At one point of the relationship I did actually have those types of feelings. I was also a little bit scared at what the future would hold. You see, I thought that this particular girl and I were going to last a long time. It was my first real relationship so you’ll have to forgive my ignorance ;). I was just frightened at the uncertainty of the future. I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself and I was just extremely frustrated that I had lost control of the entire situation.

As I talk about in PRO I think a lot of guys are like me. They mutter those words out of a place of complete anger. The truth is that if they are completely honest with themselves and look deep within, they will admit that they are still capable of having those types of feelings. There is a very fine line between love and hate. Sometimes, even though it can seem like his actions say “I hate you” they are done from a place of love. I know it sounds confusing but sometimes it isn’t as black and white as just love and hate.

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back Again With Our Step By Step Guide To Getting Your Ex Back

Learn More

Diving Deeper

diving deeper

Notice how in the above sentence I didn’t say that all guys are like me. Yes, I think a lot of guys are very similar to me but there will always be those “exceptions.” In this section I want to dive deeper and help you figure out what else your ex could be meaning when he says “I never loved you” if he isn’t doing it out of a place of anger like I was. Below I have compiled a list of other possible motivations behind him muttering those words.

  • He might not be feeling attracted to you anymore.
  • He might have gotten bored in the relationship.
  • His emotional/physical needs were not met by you.
  • He actually means it.

He Might Not Be Feeling Attracted To You Anymore

are you attracted

That silly, silly fool. He is confusing love with attraction. A lot of women who discover that this is what their ex really means freak out on the spot. However, I tend to take the opposite approach, if your ex isn’t attracted to you then that means you have a great opportunity to re attract him. I have so much advice on how to do this throughout the site that I just feel like I would be repeating myself if I told you here yet again. If you know that your ex boyfriend is a pretty nice guy he would probably spare your feelings by saying “I never loved you” instead of  “I don’t think you are attractive.”

Now, both those statements are a little depressing to hear but I would gladly take the “I don’t think you are attractive” one over the “I never loved you” any day of the week. At least that way you have actually have a shot at getting him back by re-attracting him.

He Might Have Gotten Bored In The Relationship

im bored

Believe it or not but your ex may have gotten really bored with the relationship. I have multiple friends who are a little bored in their relationships. I would say that this usually tends to happen to couples who have been together for more than a year. Eventually, you get to a point where you have done everything there is to do together in a romantic relationship and you are just killing time together. Now, it might also be possible for a guy to get bored in a relationship really early on if he just gets bored easily.

Either way, this isn’t a bad reason at all. In fact, I would say the breakup and time away might actually help your case to get him back. Being boring is something you can definitely fix. Remember, what we are looking for here are areas of improvement. Any time you find one look at it as an opportunity to evolve and become something that he can’t stay away from.

His Emotional/Physical Needs Were Not Met By You

voldemort what

Yes, guys have emotional needs too! In fact, if they don’t get exactly what they need they can start questioning the relationship very early on. My brother is a good example here. I remember he was dating a girl who wasn’t giving him what he needed on an emotional level and he started questioning the relationship. In fact, he wanted to break up with her about two weeks before he actually did it. Now, his case might not relate to yours because he was never in love with the girl. However, I wanted to include his story to show you that if guys don’t get what they need emotionally it can be troublesome.

Of course, this is almost doubly true for guys and their physical needs. Now, I am a very rare breed in this world. I don’t pressure any girl to ever want to be with me physically. To me, I think the sexiest thing is to be with a girl who actually WANTS to be with you.

Unfortunately, most guys are not like me. They will pressure women and if they don’t get what they want it makes them really angry. I am not saying this to change your morals. All I am doing here is educating you on why he said “I never loved you.” I think in the case where you wouldn’t sleep with him it is more of a matter of him thinking “I am angry at your for not sleeping with me so I am going to say this to hurt you.”

He Actually Means It

confused

There will always be those cases where the stars won’t align in your favor and he could actually be meaning what he says. This is unfortunate and I think in this case there is nothing you can do. However, I will tell you that this is actually rarer than you would think. Most men after a breakup are just as emotional as women are and say things that they don’t really mean.

What’s Next?

So, now that you know all about what he really means when he says “I never loved you” what are supposed to do now? I highly encourage you to take a look around our site. I have multiple pages on how to get your ex back in all kinds of crazy situations. However, if I had to recommend just one page to you I would definitely say that you should read my how to get your ex boyfriend back complete guide. I spent the better part of a month researching and writing it and I promise you that you will not be disappointed.

183 thoughts on “If He Tells You That He Never Loved You Then Do This…”

  1. Avatar

    Cara

    August 8, 2019 at 8:14 pm

    Hi
    An ex of mine and I ended. He said he needed to get something off of his chest & went on to tell me how he never liked me and he could never actually gain any feelings for me. He says this was the true reason he dumped me.
    I feel hurt & highly used
    Please help.

  2. Avatar

    Kirstin Harper

    April 4, 2019 at 6:13 am

    I feel like we skip over the bullet point that men say this to hurt us so we beg for them to come back.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 4, 2019 at 10:29 pm

      Hi Kirstin…good point. Some guys can be manipulative or suffer from narcissistic tendencies and will play these games.

  3. Avatar

    Nikita

    January 10, 2018 at 7:05 am

    My bf left me after 2 years…we were together for 1 year and from last 1 year we are in a long distance relationship ..he loved me so much ..he was the one who promised me that he will marry me and always loved me …but suddenly we dint talk for 10 as he was busy with his job and after dat one day he calls me and says dat I never loved u but u r important for me and he wanted me to be his bestfriend and told me dat he can’t take anymore ..but I can’t be his friend so I next day I was hurt and I wrote him hurting msgs dat you r bad n ol so he blocked me and I also blocked him and it’s been 5 days he never called me back ..but deep down I know he loved me …even in a long distance relationship he always told me that he loves me and will always be with me and marry me ..I can’t believe he can do this to me ? I love him so what should I do to get him back ?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2018 at 5:41 pm

      Hi Nikita,

      Try the advice above and check this one too:
      If You Had a Long Distance Breakup Here Is How You Get Back Together

  4. Avatar

    M

    June 12, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    It has been 50 days and NO contact. My ex bf has not reached out to me ONCE! I know he is enjoying being single and seeing other people, but not positive if he is in a rebound relationship or not. I don’t know what to do. I feel he needs to approach ME first because I was very needy in the relationship and he could always count on me running back to him. But, he is also insanely stubborn so I’m certain he is waiting for me to do that out of ego/pride. I do not want to make him think I am needy and desperate by reaching out to him.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 10:41 am

      How mcuh did you improve and how active were you in posting?

  5. Avatar

    Sage

    May 2, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    My ex-boyfriend of 10 months just broke up with me, telling me that he never loved me. We parted on good terms and he wanted to be friends. Things had been going down hill for a while and when he broke up with me. He said he’d wanted to for 2 months now but didn”t want to hurt me. The thing is he’s been depressed for a while. He’d lost his apartment, moved in with his parents, works night shift so he doesn’t really have a social and is tired all the time. He also goes to college. He just became very drepressed.

    He didn’t have the best childhood; neither of one of us did, and he’d never really felt like he’d ever been loved. He’d told me while breaking up with me he’d never loved anyone as much as me, but also that he thinks he’s never been in love. He compairs what he’s feeling to what his friends have told him and how it was like for them when they feel in love. So he says.

    He wanted to be firends really bad, but I told him that I could not. That if it wasn’t a relationship then I couldn’t do it. I’ve ended all communication with him. Looking back on it now though there was a lot he could of done to make it work better, but I was just as much to blame. I never really tried to get him to talk. I am very bad at communicating and I was never as affectionate as i should have been, which I plan to change.

    Right now I’m focused on getting my life together, whether or not I can get him back. I am trying to move my life forward, something I was to scared to do before. I’m in the process of going back to college. He was the first person I ever trusted enough to fall inlove with. I’m 26, he’s 24. If we get back together I dont plan on being the same person I was before.

  6. Avatar

    Erin

    March 10, 2017 at 5:10 am

    When my ex and I broke up, he said that maybe he never loved me and I thought it was just so the breakup was clean, then he said he wouldn’t rule anything out and that maybe just maybe we could build back up from friends to be together again. Cut to over a month later, I’ve done NC, I did the first text, we started talking, texting and I guess being friendly. So finally the first phone call happens, and we talk for a few hours and at the end I ask him ” Did you only say you didn’t love me so the breakup was clean? ” and he said ” I wish that was true, and that I didn’t mean it, but I did. ” So he still says that, over a month later, after NC, after not reaching out during NC, I was working on myself to be better, to be his friend in a vain hope that he would take me back. So I asked him ” Do you ever want to be with me every again, like in the long run, if the whole friends thing works out? ” And he went silent for a long time and said he didn’t have an answer, so I asked straight out. ” You never want to be with me again, do you? ” And he said that no, he didn’t, and he was only playing along to ” work things out ” because he didn’t want to hurt me more and didn’t want to lose one of his bestfriends. So I followed every step, did everything I could and in the end, it was still the same result as when we first broke up. I knew he didn’t want us to be a couple ever again, I was just being hopeful. But this site gave me someone to lean on and talk to through all the hard stuff, especially my NC period. I wish this had a better result, but I guess this relationship just wasn’t meant to be.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 9:23 am

      Hi Erin,

      Oh no.. that was a wrong move.. it’s like you told him him your plan… but right now, after what he said, what’s your decision?

  7. Avatar

    77

    December 12, 2016 at 6:42 am

    This is a great website. First thing is, I started dating a guy in july. We dated until October 2016. Only a three-four month relationship. It started casual like he asked me out to a lunch date when we both got paid and i said sure. Well, I am the idiot that said we should be more, did we want to just have lunch, date, be friends, court even? I am 43 and he is a little younger than me. But he said you date, get to know one another. I said Ok. Well, our first week together we were nearly inseperable. I look back now and see mistakes and I see things I should not have done right away, but we were in the moment, everything was new. It was great. Finally, we had to sleep for a decent 12 hours. I was exhausted and I knew he was too. Things were still good. After the night we slept a wonderful twelve hours tho, this relationship started to tank.

    I learned he was very insecure and very inexperienced when it came to sex, relationships, friendships, trusts etc. He would go off alone for a while and over think everything. Eventually I learned he liked to take photos in the nude and send skype requests and all those horrible things a guy does to creep on you. he was living a double life with his work (he’s an actor) and was not going to let me in on that side of his life and he really should have because we had fun together, but he thought I would interfere with his work. I am 43 I am not going there.

    He was the first decent guy I had dated and been with where I didn’t feel allot of pressure to do everything with him, but he made it out like he wanted me to do all those things with him and since I didn’t want too, he felt unwanted and unloved! Pity! I do not want this guy back, but he’s moved back to my neighborhood and invites his new female friend over and they sit outside trying to make me jealous.

    He also borrowed a friend of ours, phone and texts me as her (she would never ask me if I was seeing anyone lol) and asks me questions as her, even though its him, major creepy, assholy move, total control freak and manipulative. He thinks its my fault I don’t want him back, because he’s trying to find out what he can do to get me back even if I don’t want to revive whatever you would have called our relationship. It would have been great if we could just be friends that just hang out and do stuff romantically, I am just a type of casual chic that likes casual relationships and friendships. What I mean is not several relationships, I mean a friendship with a man that is casual and friends that care for one another, even sexually, but not in a lovely dovey romantic manner. It does not require it to be over thought at all.

    But he wanted lovey dovey stuff all the time and to stay over at night all the time and I am just not one to share living space. I am an introvert with panic disorder and sometimes I need my alone time.

    I explained this to him as well but then I was not emotionally there for him, like he needed, or wanted. Yeah, eat all my food and never help repay any of it except maybe a cupcake here and there and maybe a pepsi here and there. I always help people who re down and out and when i am, I expect people to also share with me. Well, he wasn’t that way. It showed me then and there what he was like/used too and what the future looked like.

    No Thanks. But he is a very attractive man to me still and we still talk on facebook but not as himself he has to assume several different i.d.s just to be able to function and I know that isn’t healthy, but I have a healthy perspective on the friendship(s) we still have, even if he doesn’t. I know their not going to lead anywhere.

    Of course he did try to get with every young thing on the block once he split from me, and only came back to me via facebook after he couldn’t show women he was the sex god. Which he wasn’t. Sex was a mediocre thing with him and I admit I was not as toned as I’d like to be. I have fibro and cramps abound when I used to be able to get in certain positions that I am now not able to do so, but he was a virgin. Yep, I went there. But It was decent but he expected it to be done like right out of a movie or magazine case…and you have to be tactful with a man who is not sure what he’s doing, and I couldn’t sit him down and say “hey look you can’t do it like this” or “we will have to try something else” It was MY fault, because “I didn’t know what he wanted or didn’t know how to do what they were doing in a magazine” or because I don’t look at porn material anymore I didn’t know what I was doing, when I do know what I am doing, but because he wasn’t very endowed, I couldn’t do what most people do because well you couldn’t.

    How can I let him know I have moved on without actually having a new boyfriend? I just want him to move on and not care anymore, but because he’s not been with anyone else, of course he’s gonna try and come back but because it was so rough the first time I don’t even want to try the second time because some parts could be magickal but at the same time, he could also in the future mess that up too and I do not want to hear it. I don’t have to have a new guy in order to be moving on. I think relationships are more drama than they are worth.

    I admit I am still somewhat angry with him over how everything soured at the end but its like he thinks we have to hate one another for him to be able to be with someone else. No female is ever gonna put up with his sh*t. Unless she’s also just as crazy and manipulative as he is.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2016 at 7:06 pm

      HI 77,

      if you are really moving on, just stop talking to him and investing attention and emotion. If he needs to talk about important, be polite but that’s it. No more other talk about anything else. If he hands you something that pisses you off, like the way he talks to you or other people, just don’t take it by not giving attention to it.

  8. Avatar

    Shivi

    October 18, 2016 at 6:35 pm

    My ex brokeup with me four days back. I asked him thatbdoes he actually love me? And he just replied no i dont. I was shocked. We were having a very good relationship we were so much in love. He just said that those past fights made him like this he lost all the feelings he was just trying to love me from past 2 months just for my sake and now he cant hurt or fake more. I love him madly all i do is cry. I am very weak. What shall i do? I want him back. I want him to love me again.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 20, 2016 at 4:33 pm

      Hi Shivi,

      do you want to try the no contact rule? And what do you think about the advice above?

  9. Avatar

    Mira

    September 29, 2016 at 3:05 am

    Hello. I need some serious advice about my boyfriend. I already purchased the premium package of your ex boyfriend recovery but the thing is I don’t know if the book can be applied to me since we have not broken up yet. I have been dating this guy for almost 6 months now. We have not broken up yet but he said he doesn’t feel like he loves me anymore. He got bored of me and our relationship. He said he doesn’t miss me when we’re away anymore. We met only once in two weeks and I’m dying to see him everyday. The reason was he got bored of talking to me and we ran out of things to talk. I was shocked but I begged him to stay. I asked him to give me time and a chance to do something and make things work out. However, his personality changed a lot. He’s always busy with his classes and study. Back then he never ignored my message, even tho he was busy. It took him couple hours to reply but never ignored. Lately he ignored my message a lot. It always takes him up to 6 hours to reply me a short message. When he replied, he gave me only short, boring reply. I don’t know what to do. I never want to let him go. Sometimes he convinced me that there are better guys out there but I don’t want anyone else. What can I do to make him stay? I also read the text bible but I don’t know how it will help since we are still together. I don’t think I can use no contact rule. Please help!!!! Thank you so much

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2016 at 7:15 pm

  10. Avatar

    Sarah

    September 27, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    I have in relationship with a guy for 4 years. This year in July he said he does not love me anymore and wants of the commitment, but since then we used to talk daily so I thought it might just work out. But yesterday he said something that kind of hurt me that he didn’t love all these years like the way i do, but i know he did because then he added that i need to think if he loved me or not, I know he did because his actions showed the way he cared, how does anybody fall out of love suddenly I love him a lot, what should i do, thought of doing a NC, but m scared what if he doesnt come back, because he has made it clear that he does not want to be in any relationship ryt now with anybody and that he’s done with it and that he’ll never come back, I am not able to imagine anything without him right now, i feel he love me but the way he said it broke something inside. He said that since july he’s been feeling nothing towards me and since he has a lot of people around he’s not missing me, he sid he wants to enjoy life, going out with diiferent girls(though he says does not like them that way), but makes me insecure n hurt, What should I do, I feel if i dont contact him, he’ll think i moved on because one day he said move on, find someone else,he knows how much i love him n care for him n most of the times he says thing to woo me away, because he really doesn’t want me around. But I am not leave his side because he does not keep well. He says that he knows he’ll not be able to be loyal towards me and that’s why he’s going, though he has never ever ditched me…but now that we are not together he cares for other girls a lot, on specifically(though he said he doesn’t like her that way),probably m overthinking, but he gets comfortable with all girls that makes me feel a little bad when he tells me. Please help me, i don’t know what to do?should i take nc? what if he doesn’t comeback like said? is there any hope because m literally looking for one. Please help me, m literally not able to focus anywhere else, is what he said that he doesn’t love me anymore n does not want to come back , he does not feel anything for ryt now. what should i do, i really love him, n he knows all of this and that m waiting for him. how can he not feel a thing and ask me to move on what should i do? is there a chance? plzzz help

    1. Avatar

      Sarah

      September 29, 2016 at 4:47 am

      what do you think i should do, i am not talking to him right now, do you think this will help? Do u think i stand a single chance of getting him back like he was before???

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2016 at 7:28 pm

      There’s not guarantee that no contact will work but chasing is never attractive.. Plus it doesn’t help you to heal and improve yourself. When you start doing the no contact rule, the most important that you have to do is to grow, to improve. It’s not just about stopping to contact him. How would he be interested if you if you were still the woman that he left right?

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2016 at 5:55 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      Would keeping on contact or chasing him help you to get him back and miss you?

  11. Avatar

    Lory

    September 21, 2016 at 5:06 pm

    My boyfriend and I dated for 9 months. We both had our baggage (finalizing divorce, both having kids) when we met, but we seemed to go through these stages well. Between the two of us, he was the broken one (his ex gave him hell) and he was trying to back on track. I knew he needed to trust a woman again and I did my best to show him he could trust me. From the early stage he showed me he was into this relationship and me. Being in contact, wanting to see me, having our daughters meet and playing together, meeting his friends even chatting to his parents (who live abroad). All of this compensated the fact he was not so demonstrative ..I knew it would take time. Then he got a house which triggered major stress…I helped where I could without being invasive. He was busy with it, then came the holidays which we each had on our side with out respective families (already pre booked). When he returned from holidays, instead of enjoying day together, he was running around the house trying to fix things while I was looking after his daughter and mine. I felt like the babysitter and clearly being avoided. I eventually asked him why he was so distant and he said we should have a talk….one week later we met….and he broke up saying we had taken some distance lately and his feeling had not gone stronger…so it was better ending this….he claims he didn’t meet anyone else, that he is not interested in anyone else….that he needs to focus on his house etc… I feel heartbroken because we seemed to have surfed thru issues but the stress pilled up and he decided to “eliminate” what he could leave behind……it was soft break up, yes I cried and he felt bad and unwell about it….I have had no contact since…trying to follow your advises…but realistically will I have a 2nd shot…I miss him I miss us ….

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 23, 2016 at 9:25 am

      Hi Lory,

      If he’s really just stressed, then there is a chance. Just don’t chase him. Take it slow after no contact. Avoid giving him a chance to think that you’re a responsibility

  12. Avatar

    Robynn

    September 19, 2016 at 3:06 am

    Me and my boyfriend (now ex) we’re together for quite a long time and we just recently broke up. We haven’t spoken since it happened. But today I hear that he was telling his friends that he knew he didn’t want to marry me and that he was laying to me when talked about buying a place together. Should I say something to him? I’m doing the 30NC and I plan on sticking to it, but I also can’t just forget that he’s telling people this.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 6:56 am

      Hi Robynn,

      when and why did you break up? I know there’s a need to confront him about it, but I don’t think it’s healthy right now

  13. Avatar

    Sarah

    July 18, 2016 at 3:45 am

    Hi,
    My name is Sarah and I am going through a break up. It’s not like any other break up where I know I can cut him off and move on. We share a 4mth old baby and I really do love him. We dated for 2 years and moved in together 6mths ago. We have had issues, I would get angry when he would get drunk causing me to not communicate with him and lash out at him at random times. This happened for a year. We broke up once and within that month I ended up pregnant. I guess I thought he had feelings for me because he would call me or show up at my house. He has never said I love you and because of the pregnancy we moved in together to try to make it work for the baby. It only got worse. I wasn’t myself at all. I was emotional hormonal and something he quite didn’t understand. With a newborn baby and moving in together things remained the same. He said I needed help and needed to see someone so I would be able to communicate. I want my family together so I went and saw a counselor. It still wasn’t enough. I initiated to go our seperate ways and co parent. he then told me he never loved me. He said we don’t have anything in common. When he was living out of state we dated for 1 year through messages and we clicked. He moved to the same city and within a month i got pregnant. We never really got to date nor got to know each other. It confuses me because as i initiated the break up i stayed living with him and we were still sexually attracted. I said i love you once and he replied how could i love him if i dont know him. I am really trying to make this relationship work for the baby. I just don’t know if i should keep trying or just maintain a relationship as co parents. please help.

    1. Avatar

      Sarah

      July 20, 2016 at 11:19 pm

      He asked me if we could talk? is this a good sign. I’m on day 4 of minimum contact.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 21, 2016 at 2:10 pm

      no, don’t ask him to havs a family bonding..keep being in minimal contact..if he wants to talk listen first..if he says, he wants to work things out, let him prove it first..
      if he’s just explaining things, just afree and then continue on minimal contact
      if he says he wants to be friends, tell him you’re not ready and then continue on minimal nc

    3. Avatar

      Sarah

      July 20, 2016 at 12:10 am

      Thank you! I am in minimal contact day #2. i moved out with the baby. he said he didn’t see himself with me and that he would never love me, but cares about me because I am his baby’s mom. We have to see each other every day because of the baby but i just pick the baby up and leave. I don’t have any conversations with him unless it’s about the baby. should i suggest to go out together with the baby,as a family in one week or just keep minimal contact for 30days?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 19, 2016 at 5:27 pm

      hi Sarah,

      try limited no contact and read this articles:
      et Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together

      and he’s also right.. you didn’t know each other that well.. take it slow this time

  14. Avatar

    Kira

    June 1, 2016 at 2:42 pm

    During our actual breakup, my ex boyfriend told me he didn’t love me and didn’t think he would. His reason for the breakup waws that he wasn’t totally sure it was right and that it wasn’t how he thought it should be. He said he knew how he felt but also that he didn’t know what he was doing or thinking, or what he would feel . During our relationship he acted completely in love with me, telling me all teh time he needed me adn couldn’t be without me. We’d met each others’ families and spent almost every day together. He felt very needy and dependent on me most of the time and would even admit it. We have broken up and gotten back together before so we weren’t saying I lvoe you outright, but only in passing, like slipped into conversations.
    I just don’t get why he would act one way and say something else. Could he be doing tis out of defensiveness to rationalize th e breakup? Did he really mean it? Any advice would be super appreciated x

    1. Avatar

      Morgan

      September 9, 2016 at 5:44 pm

      My situation is very similar to Kira’s. But you haven’t expanded on how to meet someone’s emotional needs or what that means.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 10, 2016 at 12:59 pm

      Hi Morgan,

      yeah, it’s good that you asked. You can’t control him. If he’s depressed he has to sort that out on his own. No matter what you do, if a person is depressed and doesn’t want to take the initiative to help him/herself, then nothing will change. You can be one of the factors that makes him happy, but never be the sole source of his happiness. That’s not real love anymore.

      The best you can do is to inspire him to live his life by living your own and not babying him.. because if you reward his depression by being extra understanding when he’s depressed, then unconsciously, he would keep being like that because you keep chasing or you keep being there when he’s depressed.

    3. Avatar

      Kira

      June 14, 2016 at 9:04 am

      Depression I think — he’s not happy at all with his life/career. And he has strange expectations of where he should be and what he should be feeling
      Is there any hope here? Did he just really mean it?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 17, 2016 at 3:26 pm

      then that means he probably just said all of those because of emotions

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 11, 2016 at 2:00 pm

      Hi Kira,

      what do you think is the real reason for the breakup?

  15. Avatar

    Tarryn

    April 25, 2016 at 1:51 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thanks for your time and help. 😀
    My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago and this was after a month break so he could decide why he wasn’t falling in love with me after being with me for a year and if he wanted the relationship to continue to the next step or end. He is a honest and very kind man and I know that what he says he tries his best to explain honestly. He broke up with me on Easter Sunday. He said his priorities have changed and he just doesn’t want a relationship right now. He also said that anything can happen in the future and isn’t saying we never have a chance but he also doesn’t want to string me along. I asked if he was bored of the relationship and he said no.. I asked if he wasn’t attracted to me any more and he said yes he wasn’t attracted to me.. He said of course he thinks I’m attractive.. He just doesn’t want to be with me that way. I initiated no contact and tomorrow being the 26 April will be 30 days no contact. I literally disappeared. I did all you said by changing my profile picture to something beautiful.. I changed my cover picture to tie in with that. This was all things that I did after removing him and blocking him on Facebook and whatsapp though. After I got the perfect profile picture etc I unblocked him but I haven’t re added him on Facebook thinking maybe I should do this after getting a response from the first text message I will send. I guess what I really want to know is.. Am I wasting my time if the love was never there or so he says but his actions throughout the relationship spoke differently? He also hasn’t tried contacting me even though I am pretty sure he has worked out that I have unblocked him. He looks like he is enjoying doing his own thing. I am also pretty sure the break up happened due to me having fallen in love with him way before he could.. I left him in my dust basically. He has commitment issues as it is from past experiences that he has had. Oh.. He is Taurus.. So having me race ahead could be forcing him to feel. I just need to know what I should be doing here. I feel lost. I don’t want to continue doing this if it serves no purpose.

    1. Avatar

      Tarryn

      April 25, 2016 at 2:53 pm

      Oh.. He says that he loves me but isn’t in love with me. That he cares deeply for me. He says he loves me like I am family which I find a little messed up but hey ho.. Don’t know if any of this is helpful. He also seemed hurt that after our discussion to break up I said I felt like a fool and this whole year was a waste of time. So darn confused right now!! :-s I don’t know if I’m wasting time trying to light a flame that may have never been there. I felt like there was though.. Even though he was honest from the start that he wasn’t there yet and I need to give him time and be patient.. His body language and how caring and attentive and loving he was in his actions say something else. This is just plain frustrating!! But his silence and the fact that if he wanted me back he would have come to get me says something else. I just don’t know what to do.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 27, 2016 at 3:02 am

      Hi Tarryn,

      most of the time, when a person says he’s not in love anymore, it means there is no desire.. it can be because both of you have been so secure of each other or you haven’t been maintaining yourself lately.. if he sees your physical change and that you’re not as inlove to him like before, there’s a chance he will miss you and spark desire

  16. Avatar

    Samantha Bernal

    April 12, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    Hi Chris,
    First off I wanted to say that your article really helped me. My boyfriend and I dated for a year and he is in the Army. We had problems in December but we made each other stronger and got past them, this situation occurred due to a friend interference. I went over to his house to apologize for what happened and we talked, I asked him if he still loved me and he said ‘yes’. Before he left to go back to Missouri in January he got me a promise ring. We did anything we could to try to spend time together and be with each other. When we were with each other, we forgot about the rest of the world around us. When we started dating he was the one who said ‘I love you’ first. It was the best feeling in the world him saying that. And then he had to go back. We texted and Skyped. And I know the Army can get stressful, a lot goes on in your mind out there, but he was strong. He had a lot going on, he told me that. I was always there to listen when he needed someone to talk to and he appreciated that. And about a week ago he broke up with me. But two weeks before he did he told me I was his future and that I was his future wife and his future family would be with me. He told me he was in love with me before I ever did. And a week before he broke up with me he told me I was his best friend and his girlfriend and that he would support me no matter what. And I told him I would support him as well. Then boom just like that he’s gone. I’m in love with him, I have never felt something this strong before, not even in my 2 year relationship with one of my exes. He means the world to me and right now I’m completely falling apart. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
    P.S. I’m 17 and he’s 19..

    1. Avatar

      Samantha Bernal

      April 14, 2016 at 11:01 am

      Okay I will try that. Thank you so much. Also I fear that If I do try to contact him that he won’t respond and I am still going out to the state he is stationed in this summer to visit my mom.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 14, 2016 at 1:08 pm

      you’re welcome.. but if you don’t do anything, he might still not communicate…

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 14, 2016 at 3:30 am

      Hi Samantha,

      give it time.. if it’s about being in the army, let’s hope he opens up about it.. in the mean time be productive..try it for a month..if he really doesn’t contact for a month, then message him after it..don’t ask what happenend right ahead..touch base and rebuild rapport and when he is in a very good mood during a convo, then you can ask him what happened

  17. Avatar

    Chantell Henry

    March 24, 2016 at 10:22 pm

    Hey! I notice now that there is actually someone who is replying back. I would really appreciate some advice on my situation. My ex and I had an on and off relationship for a year and a few months. The last time we got back together which was 7 months ago. I did do NC never for too long though because he would text me and could tell he was on the fence so we decided to be friends and it actually worked. He regretted his decision and we got back together. This time things feel different. He is saying things that he has said before “I do not love you.” “I want to date other girls” he always seem to say this when breaking up with me but when we get back together its so obvious that he loves me so I don’t know how true this is. My question is that do you think that this method would work. Things feel different this time around. I did do no contact when he first broke up with me and he did text me within 4 days but ever since then we’ve been arguing and I can’t apply NC because Im scared of him never messaging me again. He has deep seated trust issues that even I can’t shake but I can’t give up on him. I love him too much. Ugh…. this sucks if I knew that relationship can get this painful I would have stayed single!!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 2, 2016 at 12:07 pm

      Hi Chantell,

      All of us are afraid to lose our boyfriend or girlfriend but the truth is, we can’t force them to stay. If we play too safe then he’ll end up having more power than you. It should be equal. Men make an effort when they know the woman can stand on her own if he leaves.

  18. Avatar

    Tiffany

    March 10, 2016 at 8:31 pm

    Hi Chris –

    I was with my boyfriend for a year on and off. Each time we broke up it was at the 3-4 month mark on the spot (3x). When we got back together the last time it was all him. He told me he made a huge mistake letting me go an wanted me back and wanted to be with me. A few days ago was our latest breakup and it was full of tears. This was the first time I had seen him cry, but I have never seen such a manly man cry so hard and so sincerely. He told me (yelled it, rather) that he did not love me. He had never told me he did, so I asked him if he never felt it in the entire year. He said no, but his actions showed me otherwise – I never knew the breakups were coming. Everything was always so great. He was always so good to me, in every way. He cried because he said he didn’t think he did enough for me. We had an amazing relationship – never fought, could always talk things out, always had so much fun together and never got annoyed of each other. We both trusted each other and there were never any issues. He called all of this out during the break up. He said I am amazing in every way. Due to the unexpected nature of the breakup, I had a lot of questions. I asked him how I can better myself and be a better gf for someone in my future and he said there is nothing I can do – it would be impossible for me to be any better. He told me that while he cared so much about me and wanted it to work so badly, something just wasn’t there for him (so… he wasted a whole year?). I told him that guys do not cry like that over people they do not love. I didn’t believe him when he said that he didn’t love me. I get the feeling It’s an issue with commitment. He is afraid to open up. His gf from HS (we’re both 30) cheated on him and I am his first long-term relationship since. He over thinks everything and can’t seem to move past the 3-4 month hump. Do I believe what he said? That he did not love me? Is there hope for us or should I walk away?

    1. Avatar

      Tiffany

      March 11, 2016 at 1:05 pm

      I know I need to give him space. The last time we broke up, he came back to me in 4 days. We have talked once or twice since we broke up, and both agree this is the hardest one yet. He said he was going to call me tonight and I am plan on talking with him just to clear up some lose ends. It’s hard to walk away from so easily and I feel like I have to fight, but also know that space is going to be the best move. This is my plan after tonight – to give him space. Do I do the 30 days no contact or still welcome him if he reaches out? So you think there is any chance for us?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2016 at 9:14 am

      For me, since it’s been a couple of times now, you have to do nc to break the cycle of breaking up and then coming back together.. you have to tell him that you’re not like he’s past and he has to be fair to you.. that you need space bcause it has been emotionally draining for you

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 11, 2016 at 12:51 am

      Hi Tiffany,

      I think he needs to have space so he can think about what you said and have realizations

  19. Avatar

    Jamie

    January 30, 2016 at 12:58 am

    Hey Chris
    My boyfriend and I broke up with me about three months we were together for nearly three years, he thought I cheated on him, there was a face and a private part photo was sent of me, and I didn’t even know about it, and he found out and he didn’t believe it wansnt me, he saw wat he saw, consider we were together all the time even when after work always together and he also help my parents with some money for a bond when there moved into a new place but there is two side of the story, he said to me he doesn’t to be part of it ever again, yes he was yelling at me because of things happen and then he text me by saying that he had doesn’t want to part of this with me ever again, he also used to say he love me, but now he said he doesn’t have feelings for me because of what has happen, he also text me and said to me won’t you go and find someone else to have sex with, but he was yelling at me in person, now when he went to Adelaide he come back and said to his sister that he feel like he was chasing him self and now I herd that he going back to his country and when he comes back he going to be moving to the Gold Coast with his friend, we were living together but he move back to his mum place, I still love him and not sure if I included everything in this but unsure if he still love me or he just saying hat to hurt me

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2016 at 2:44 pm

      Hi Jamie,

      Was all of those said in just one conversation? Right after he saw the photo?

    2. Avatar

      Jamie

      January 30, 2016 at 1:02 am

      I keep texting him nearly all the time hope I have pushing away more and more be user he doesn’t even speak to me now he also sound like he is abit jealous for some reason but when I keep text him he also said to leave him alone and doesn’t care anymore

  20. Avatar

    J

    December 28, 2015 at 6:06 am

    Hi Chris!
    I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He broke up with me rather. He told me he never really loved me since the beginning of our relationship. I don’t want to believe him because he was able to show me he loved me during our relationship.
    After reading this post, I realized that it can be the three out of the four reasons. This past few months, I could feel that he was not attracted to me anymore. We were living together for a year before we broke up. Maybe we reached the point where we were very comfortable with each other. Recently, we weren’t able to have that romantic date due to our busy schedules at work. We always see each other in PJs or sweatpants and sweaters.
    The thing that our relationship got so boring can be the reason too. We started to neglect each other and our conversations are becoming more of a formal business-like meeting. We forgot how to have fun and laugh at jokes. I wanted to reach out but I never knew how. And because of these reasons, we were never able to meet our emotional/physical needs.
    We just seemed to drift apart every second. I love him so much. When we broke up, he was so unsure about it, but his best friend encouraged him to do it. I knew he cared. For one week after our break up, he would bring me breakfast to my new place, or we would go out on a night stroll (without any physical contact) and we would just sit in silence, lost in our own thoughts. Sometimes, he would accidentally call me using the nickname he used to use during our honeymoon phase, and I did the same. It’s also my fault to let the break up happen. I was so angry, confused and unsure myself. I took him for granted. I wasn’t able to show him how much he means to me and how much I appreciated him. I admit I was acting so immaturely months before he called our relationship off. It became toxic. I became jealous and insecure. He was also at fault for not exerting any effort to communicate with me and for pushing me away when I make a move to fix our rocking relationship.

    A month has past, we have no contact since then. He stopped sending me messages and he also blocked me on facebook. I also changed my phone number. He has now a new girlfriend. I heard she was his ex-gf (a long long time ago) when he was in 2nd year in the university. They broke up after a month. So, right now, they are back together and is now having an LDR. They started their communication through social media and only met once before going on an LDR. They will probably meet again after more than a year.

    I want to have him back but he seemed so happy now. If he’s happy now with her, then I should just be happy for him but deep down, I am not happy about it.
    Will I still be able to re-attract him and make him miss me? Will I be able to have him back considering the fact that his new gf is once his ex?

    These days, I just spend my time on improving myself and my work. I live an active lifestyle, I eat good food, I exercise and play sports, and I have fun with my friends and family.

1 2 3

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.