It can be a horrifying feeling when a boyfriend, one day out of the blue, tells you he never loved you and eventually breaks up with you. I am sad to say that this is one of the most common stories I hear on Ex Boyfriend Recovery. In fact, lately with the amount of comments and emails I have been receiving I decided to dedicate a whole post to dissecting what your ex boyfriend means when he says “I never loved you.” Of course, I am not just going to stop there. I am also going to give you actionable steps to put you in a favorable position to maybe get him back.
Facing The Truth
I am not in the business or habit of lying to my website visitors. I promise that as long as you stay within the confines of this website you will get the cold hard honest truth from me. Now, part of that cold hard honest truth is facing it. Now, most likely you came to this page because you want to understand your exes process when he told you that he never loved you. Maybe a little part of you even wants him back.
Hmm… perhaps I should rephrase that. Probably a huge part of you wants him back.
If that is the case then I am going to be straight with you, you may never get him back. Most women hide from that truth or won’t accept it. Women who do that almost always tend to fail at getting their boyfriends back. Usually, it is the ones with a very positive and optimistic attitude that do well in this area of the “game.” So, before you read on I want you to take a moment and realize that there is a possibility you may never get him back. I want you to confront this truth head on and not be scared of it. The sooner you do that and accept it I promise you will be a step ahead of everyone already.
“I Never Loved You?”
Before I start this section I want to say that if you want more insight into your ex boyfriend than what this article provides I urge you to check out my two books,
I want you to stop and think back to the very beginning of your relationship. Do you remember how happy it was? There was no fighting, bickering or manipulation. There was simply the honeymoon period and everything was great. I can remember way back when I was a young lad (just kidding) with my very first relationship. The honeymoon period was absolutely sublime. It was like waking up in heaven every single day. I remember I would go to bed every single night and my heart couldn’t stop beating because I would think about my girlfriend and just couldn’t wait to see her.
Ahh… how quickly that changed.
Soon, the honeymoon period, where it seemed like it was just her and I was over. We entered into the drama and fighting part of the relationship and things went down hill from there. So, why am I giving you insight to my own personal relationship experiences. Actually, this is one of those times where my personal relationship experience can come in handy. You see, I feel I have a pretty good grasp of the mindset of a boyfriend who says “I never loved you” to a girlfriend.
Because I actually WAS one of those boyfriends. I said those exact words to my ex and I think you will be shocked at my mindset when I did it. Anyways, there are a number of factors that I do personally feel have to be addressed before we move on. Lets look at them now.
- How long did you date your ex boyfriend for?
- How long from the breakup did he mutter those scary words “I never love you?”
- What exactly did you do to him over the course of the relationship to make him feel he had to say those words to you?
How Long Did You Date Your Ex Boyfriend For?
I feel compelled to mention this because there are relationship and then there are RELATIONSHIPS. If you only dated him for a month and he said “I never loved you” to you then the odds are not in your favor of him not really meaning them. A month isn’t a long time when it comes to relationships. It doesn’t give you a lot of time to form a meaningful emotional connection with another human being. Now, on the other hand if you dated him for a year and were thick as thieves and he tells you that “he never loved you…” Well, there might be a little more to his statement than meets the ear.
How Long From The Breakup Did It Take For Him To Mutter Those Scary Words?
Everyone coming to this website is a human being, I hope. Like all human beings we have these little things called emotions. We can get our feelings hurt, we can experience extreme joy and we can even get angry if provoked. I would like to focus on that last little emotion for a moment, anger. I think everyone who has lived long enough has experienced a time where they have seen nothing but RED for a few hours because of their anger. Now, lets take a moment to step into the mind of your ex boyfriend. We know for a fact that immediately after a breakup is when everyone is out their peak when it comes to emotions. You are angry, he is angry, we are all so darn angry.
And what exactly do angry people do? THEY SAY THINGS THEY DON’T MEAN! So, it could be a possibility that if he said those four scary little words to you in the heat of the moment he really didn’t mean it truly deep down.
What Exactly Did You Do To Him Over The Course Of The Relationship?
If your relationship with your ex boyfriend was full of fights, thrown lamps and/or physical abuse on your part. Well, you aren’t doing yourself any favors trust me on that. Of course, there is another type of couple warfare that can have a devastating effect on a man, emotional warfare. I am using the words warfare because I do know some women literally manipulate the heck out of their man. Sure, it can go both ways as men can manipulate just like women can. However, we aren’t focusing on your ex in this section. We are specifically taking a look at YOUR actions during the relationship.
The more emotionally or physically manipulative you may have been during the relationship there could be a chance that he is happy to have you gone. Now, I am not saying he won’t want you back eventually (because there will be a point where he will) but you certainly didn’t do yourself any favors.
“I Never Loved You” What Does He Mean By That?
I mentioned above that I am in a special position where I have a bit of personal experience with the words “I never loved you.” In this section, I am going to tell you about my mindset when I said those words to my ex and I will also give you a number of other things that your ex could really mean when he says it.
To this particular girl, I am ashamed to admit that I was not the most experienced boyfriend. It was my first real relationship and I hadn’t quite matured to the level that I think was required to make the relationship work. I ended up initiating the breakup but in my heart I still kind of wanted to make things work in the moment. I broke up with her in the moment purely out of anger and arrogance. If I remember correctly, the two of us went about 3 days without talking. This was extremely rare as we were accustomed to speaking on a daily basis.
She was the one who extended an olive branch first and I slapped it away immediately. Again, I was very angry still. I suppose, I was just being angry for the sake of being angry. It felt good to be angry at her when the truth was that I was actually really angry at myself. I hated who I had become and that I had lost control over myself. Sure, she definitely had a part in making me that way but I am the type of person that likes to take responsibility for his actions.
Eventually, we got on speaking terms again but I still wasn’t in a calm place. That was when I muttered those four very hurtful words, “I never loved you.”
Here was the truth though, I muttered those words out of a place of anger. At one point of the relationship I did actually have those types of feelings. I was also a little bit scared at what the future would hold. You see, I thought that this particular girl and I were going to last a long time. It was my first real relationship so you’ll have to forgive my ignorance ;). I was just frightened at the uncertainty of the future. I didn’t know what I was going to do with myself and I was just extremely frustrated that I had lost control of the entire situation.
As I talk about in PRO I think a lot of guys are like me. They mutter those words out of a place of complete anger. The truth is that if they are completely honest with themselves and look deep within, they will admit that they are still capable of having those types of feelings. There is a very fine line between love and hate. Sometimes, even though it can seem like his actions say “I hate you” they are done from a place of love. I know it sounds confusing but sometimes it isn’t as black and white as just love and hate.
Notice how in the above sentence I didn’t say that all guys are like me. Yes, I think a lot of guys are very similar to me but there will always be those “exceptions.” In this section I want to dive deeper and help you figure out what else your ex could be meaning when he says “I never loved you” if he isn’t doing it out of a place of anger like I was. Below I have compiled a list of other possible motivations behind him muttering those words.
- He might not be feeling attracted to you anymore.
- He might have gotten bored in the relationship.
- His emotional/physical needs were not met by you.
- He actually means it.
He Might Not Be Feeling Attracted To You Anymore
That silly, silly fool. He is confusing love with attraction. A lot of women who discover that this is what their ex really means freak out on the spot. However, I tend to take the opposite approach, if your ex isn’t attracted to you then that means you have a great opportunity to re attract him. I have so much advice on how to do this throughout the site that I just feel like I would be repeating myself if I told you here yet again. If you know that your ex boyfriend is a pretty nice guy he would probably spare your feelings by saying “I never loved you” instead of “I don’t think you are attractive.”
Now, both those statements are a little depressing to hear but I would gladly take the “I don’t think you are attractive” one over the “I never loved you” any day of the week. At least that way you have actually have a shot at getting him back by re-attracting him.
He Might Have Gotten Bored In The Relationship
Believe it or not but your ex may have gotten really bored with the relationship. I have multiple friends who are a little bored in their relationships. I would say that this usually tends to happen to couples who have been together for more than a year. Eventually, you get to a point where you have done everything there is to do together in a romantic relationship and you are just killing time together. Now, it might also be possible for a guy to get bored in a relationship really early on if he just gets bored easily.
Either way, this isn’t a bad reason at all. In fact, I would say the breakup and time away might actually help your case to get him back. Being boring is something you can definitely fix. Remember, what we are looking for here are areas of improvement. Any time you find one look at it as an opportunity to evolve and become something that he can’t stay away from.
His Emotional/Physical Needs Were Not Met By You
Yes, guys have emotional needs too! In fact, if they don’t get exactly what they need they can start questioning the relationship very early on. My brother is a good example here. I remember he was dating a girl who wasn’t giving him what he needed on an emotional level and he started questioning the relationship. In fact, he wanted to break up with her about two weeks before he actually did it. Now, his case might not relate to yours because he was never in love with the girl. However, I wanted to include his story to show you that if guys don’t get what they need emotionally it can be troublesome.
Of course, this is almost doubly true for guys and their physical needs. Now, I am a very rare breed in this world. I don’t pressure any girl to ever want to be with me physically. To me, I think the sexiest thing is to be with a girl who actually WANTS to be with you.
Unfortunately, most guys are not like me. They will pressure women and if they don’t get what they want it makes them really angry. I am not saying this to change your morals. All I am doing here is educating you on why he said “I never loved you.” I think in the case where you wouldn’t sleep with him it is more of a matter of him thinking “I am angry at your for not sleeping with me so I am going to say this to hurt you.”
He Actually Means It
There will always be those cases where the stars won’t align in your favor and he could actually be meaning what he says. This is unfortunate and I think in this case there is nothing you can do. However, I will tell you that this is actually rarer than you would think. Most men after a breakup are just as emotional as women are and say things that they don’t really mean.
So, now that you know all about what he really means when he says “I never loved you” what are supposed to do now? I highly encourage you to take a look around our site. I have multiple pages on how to get your ex back in all kinds of crazy situations. However, if I had to recommend just one page to you I would definitely say that you should read my how to get your ex boyfriend back complete guide. I spent the better part of a month researching and writing it and I promise you that you will not be disappointed.