Does your ex want to be friends with you after a breakup?

Then you’re in the right place.

Today we are going to be tackling three of the biggest questions that my clients seem to have when they find themselves in this situation,

  1. Why your ex wants to be friends
  2. If staying friends with your ex will actually work
  3. What to do if your ex wants to be friends but you want more

Perhaps the best part about all of this is that everything I’m going to talk about today has been backed up by research or my own personal experience helping couples after a breakup.

Let’s begin!

Why Your Ex Wants To Be Friends With You After A Breakup

Before I actually start diving in and answering this question I’d like to lecture for a little bit.

There seems to be a very big misconception out there by how human beings operate.

People seem to be enthralled with this idea that true love conquers all.

They seem to believe that love somehow makes human beings selfless.

Human beings are a lot of things but one thing they aren’t is selfless.

Sure, every once in a while you’ll hear about a story a mother throwing herself in front of a bus to save her children but those kinds of people are in the minority. Most of us operate with one single mantra,

What’s in it for me?

We are ruled by our own self interest.

I say this not to be controversial but to help you understand why your ex wants to be friends with you after a breakup.

You see, I’ve been doing this for almost 7 years now and I’ve seen a lot in my time.

I have a coaching practice.

I have written a best selling book.

And well over 20 million men and women have visited my websites and a good segment of them have asked me questions.

After going through all of that I can confidently say that there are three primary reasons for why an ex would want to remain friends with you after a breakup and all of them have to do with their own self interest.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

The Three Reasons Your Ex Really Wants To Be Friends With You

The three reasons are relatively straightforward,

  1. Emotional Support
  2. Physical Support
  3. As A Holdover For Their Next Relationship

I’d like to take a quick second and expand on each of these reasons for a moment.

Why Your Ex Would Want To Be Friends With You For Emotional Support

People respond to breakups in many different ways.

Some will jump into bed with the first person they can find (see rebound relationships.) Others will avoid you like the plague.

And then you will have the people who want to “remain friends.”

But here’s the problem with that.

You often find that this kind of friendship is one sided.

It’s all about them unloading “how they feel” onto you and you making them feel better.

In essence, they are using you for emotional support and it makes total sense seeing as how they just went through a breakup.

After all, who better to understand them than the person they went through a breakup with?

Why Would Your Ex Want To Be Friends With You For Physical Support?

Friends with benefits shouldn’t be that hard to grasp, should it?

As I stated above, everyone responds to breakups in a different way.

In this case, your ex will want to remain friends with you because they believe they can get you in bed.

Want to know the most bizarre part?

According to a poll done on breakups by the Associated Press 36% of people have admitted to having sex with an ex at least one time,

Oh, and you may also notice another interesting question asked in the poll,

“How many of you have personally ever stayed friends with an ex after a breakup?”

According to the poll 51% of people have,

Staying friends and sleeping with exes is a lot more common than you think.

Why Would An Ex Want To Stay Friends With You As A Holdover For Their Next Relationship?

I believe we call this the dreaded friend zone.

People are appalled when I say what I’m about to say but quite frankly I don’t believe there is any other way to look at it.

When someone breaks up with you it’s essentially the same thing as having them admit,

I think I can do better than you

In other words, they believe they can find someone else.

The funny part is that we have a tendency to build these big ideas and feelings up in our heads and when it comes time to actually execute or experience them we find that it’s a little more difficult than we thought.

Where do we come running when this happens?

Yep, you guessed it!

Right back to the person we are comfortable with.

Will Staying Friends With Your Ex Actually Work? 

I have three main thoughts I’d like to discuss with regards to this question.

  1. Sometimes It Can Work So Long As Rules Are Redefined
  2. In Most Cases It Won’t Work If You Are Looking To Get Back Together
  3. The One Case Where It Is Actually Recommended

Let me unpack these three insights for you.

Sometimes Being Friends Can Work As Long As Rules Are Redefined

Let’s assume for a moment that you aren’t anything like my clients and you aren’t trying to win your ex back.

You are simply looking to remain friends with them and that’s it.

I believe this kind of arrangement can work assuming both of you are getting something out of the relationship, support.

Above I believe I made a pretty strong case that human beings are very self interested creatures and most of the time when an ex wants to be friends with you it’s because it serves them in some way.

As long as you aren’t getting used and you aren’t sleeping together I have seen certain exes successfully remain friends.

However, let me point out the proverbial fly in the ointment, it’s going to complicate things.

Assuming you do start dating someone else I haven’t met many people that are cool with their girlfriends or boyfriends being friends with their ex.

More on that in a second.

For Most People Being Friends Won’t Work If You Are Looking To Get Back Together

I’ve said it many times and have even written a book about it.

Getting your ex back requires you to position yourself properly and the timing has to be right

Often when you become friends with your ex you are placing yourself in a position of weakness.

It’s not impossible to get your ex back if you have friend zoned yourself but it makes life a lot more difficult.

Consider for a moment the stories you hear online like this,

Where a couple goes from “friends to lovers.”

The one common theme you see in those stories is the fact that it took time before one person was “ready to date.”

By purposefully putting yourself in the “friend zone” you are adding more time to your sentence.

In other words, it’s going to take longer to see success.

There Is One Case Where Purposefully Friend Zoning Yourself Is Recommended

Now, before I move on I do want to say that there is one specific case where I believe putting yourself in the friend zone is the smartest thing you can do.

Care to take a guess at what situation that is?

If your ex is dating someone new

I call it, “the being there method” and it’s something I’ve talked a lot about on this website and have even filmed a few videos over it,

The premise is pretty simple.

By purposefully putting yourself in the friend zone you will indirectly intimidate the new person your ex is with without actually doing anything wrong.

What To Do If Your Ex Wants To Be Friends But You Want More

Consider for a moment the types of conversations you have with the different people in your life.

You are going to have one type of conversation with your boss.

You’ll have another type with a stranger.

Another with your friends and family.

You’ll probably have a different one altogether with your lover.

Why?

What separates these people from having these different conversations?

In my opinion, trust.

If you could establish a clear hierarchy it’d probably look something like this,

Notice how the conversation opens up with people who hold coveted places in your life.

It all has to do with trust.

Generally speaking the more you trust the person the more powerful the conversation can be.

Here is perhaps the coolest part about this concept.

Every person will have a different hierarchy.

For some people their family may be more trusted than their friends.

For other their best friends may hold the top position.

It’s unique to each person.

However, I think one thing we can universally agree on is that if you are in the friend zone you have some work to do before you can be trusted enough to have powerful conversations that are meaningful enough for your ex to consider you a lover again.

How do you do that?

By doing earning trust via the conversations you have,

Each time you have a conversation with your ex you need to take a look at this scale and slowly move up it until you get to the sharing feelings bit.

Now, some of you may be looking at this scale and wanting a deeper explanation.

I have two recommendation if that’s you.

  1. Read my book
  2. Then read this article

Do those things and we’ll work to get you out of the friend zone.

What to Read Next

Why Your Ex Is Hardwired To Care About You

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Why Is My Ex Silent After A Breakup?

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

Does Your Ex Boyfriend Still Care About You? Let’s Find Out Together!

By Chris Seiter | 181 comments

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103 thoughts on “My Ex Wants To Be Friends”

  1. Avatar

    Angel

    March 3, 2021 at 5:14 pm

    Hello,

    Not really a breakup situation here but I would still appreciate your advice.

    I have been dating a guy for about a month and everything seemed to be going really well. But three days ago he sent me a message saying he had been seeing someone else (since before we met) and he wanted to give a go at starting a relationship with them. He apologised and asked me to be friends. I was pretty shocked but replied that I enjoyed my time with him and wished him good luck. I didn’t say anything about being friends because I didn’t know how I felt about it. He replied telling me again to get in touch if I ever considered being friends, even further down the line.

    What would you advise me to do? The 45 days NC to let him get over the honeymoon phase and then try being his friend?

    Many thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 24, 2021 at 7:38 pm

      Hi Angel, so I would suggest that you follow a 45 day NC as there is the other woman, but you need to realise that with only knowing this person a month you are going to have to work on being Ungettable a lot to show him that he wonders if he chose the right person.

  2. Avatar

    Jo

    February 3, 2021 at 10:50 pm

    My ex and I broke up about a month and a half ago. The reason he broke up with me is because he said he needed to get his head on straight and because he was overall just mistreating me. I went no contact for 37 days and he texted me two days ago and therefore broke no contact. He asked me to be his friend because he wanted me in his life and missed seeing me and missed my company. We then spoke on the phone and he mentioned that it was so nice to hear my voice, but if we pursue a friendship we can’t go into it with expectations or our fingers crossed. He said that “life needs to do it’s thing” (whatever that means). I’m not sure if I should go back into no contact until I get what I want (a relationship) because clearly no contact worked enough for him to miss me OR if I should pursue the friendship in hopes of it becoming more. We haven’t spoken since this phone call (yesterday). It hasn’t even been two months since we broke up. Any advice would be appreciated thank you so much!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 4, 2021 at 4:05 pm

      Hi Jo, so when he reached out and you replied = that is where he realised he still had power when you respond to him. This time follow a 21 day NC without replying to him if he reaches out in the mean time. You need to also read the texts that Chris suggests in his articles.

  3. Avatar

    Jass

    January 22, 2021 at 1:57 pm

    Hi, would really be grateful to have some advice.

    Well me and my girlfriend we’ve been dating for around 3 years. We just broke up in November. She broke up with me as I took her for granted, didn’t give her that much affection and also sometime i wasn’t there when she needed me the most. Well she broke up with me in good terms, even thought I still have feelings for her and want her back. I begged her, on phone, message even during our last meeting. But she said she isn’t ready and for the moment just want to be good friends. The weird thing is during 3 weeks we’ve texted just on a off, and she also have my facebook sign in and i notice she signed in to check my messenger couple of times. Since last week she’s been texting me a bit more and actually i find it weird that she is doing so as before she was just ignoring me until she told me ” Don’t ask me for now more ” “we can be good friend at the moment”. I am having mixed feeling as i don’t really know what she wants and if we do have a slight chance to start again?

  4. Avatar

    heartbroken_ANSW

    November 26, 2020 at 12:56 am

    My ex and I ended our relationship for nearly 3 months. He initiated the breakup and he suggested to remain as friends. Well… We still keep in contact as friends. Recently, he asked if I did consider one of our mutual friends. I was upset when he suggested and told him off. He reasoned that he wanted me to be happy. I told him that the mutual friend was only a colleague to me. I did not understand how could he suggest that. Would he really be happy if I am with the other guy?

    I resigned my job partly because of my ex. I didn’t tell him he was one of other cause when he asked.

    On one hand, I hoped I would get him back, on the other hand, it broke me when he suggested me to consider one of our mutual friends. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 12, 2020 at 8:56 pm

      Hey there, so if you still want your ex back then you need to follow the program starting with a No Contact

  5. Avatar

    Mel

    November 23, 2020 at 6:39 pm

    My ex asked me for time and space 3 weeks ago. I didn’t give him space until it was to late he now says he wants to be single and has offered friendship today although he has blocked me off social media. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2020 at 9:13 pm

      Hi Mel you start your No Contact and work on yourself! Read more articles and show your ex you can give him the space he wanted.

  6. Avatar

    Aimee

    November 13, 2020 at 12:58 am

    Hi, my ex and I broke up 18 months ago. We have been on and off speaking since but met a couple of times in the last few months and have slept together. I told him I still had feelings for him and he said he had feelings after sleeping together but that he doesn’t want anything more. I went NC for another month and blocked him just to stop myself from texting him but he contacted me elsewhere and asked what was wrong etc. I asked him if we could meet and talk as I hoped to get closure. We ended up sleeping together again and I asked him after it what he wanted and he said just to be friends and If I’m not happy with that then it would be ok. I really want him back and cannot stop thinking about him. What should I do

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 14, 2020 at 10:54 am

      Hi Aimee, so you need to stop sleeping with him while you are broken up. Because he is getting what he wants with no commitment. You need to go back into a no contact this time for 45 days and work on yourself in that time, read about the ungettable girl and how you need to become the best version of yourself. Then once complete you start the texting phase. Do not meet up with him for a while now. You need to get him investing into texting you, and then calling you before you start meeting up.

  7. Avatar

    Olivia

    October 22, 2020 at 8:53 pm

    We broke up 5 months ago. I did no contact for 3. He just came back and asked if he “was allowed to be a part of my life.” He says that he wants to be friends and doesn’t know what the future holds. I want him back. What do I do?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 22, 2020 at 9:10 pm

      Hi Olivia, if you want to be more than friends, then do not be his friend. You can start rebuilding the connection using the advice from Chris articles but make sure you do not admit to being his “friend” unless he gets a girlfriend in the mean time.

  8. Avatar

    Samantha

    September 20, 2020 at 7:49 am

    Hi there
    So about a month ago me and my ex broke up after 9 months of being together. We first started off as friends with benefits but that lasted a couple months before we fell for each other.
    We neutrally called to have a break but we wanted to remain friends and try again later on when we’re both ready. Which we both said from the start. But I said it first as I felt he was slipping and he was more focused on other things which I fine but I never saw him. For the first week we talked and hung out but now we don’t talk at all. We hang out with out group and whenever we’re together and he’s had a few drinks he’s all over me, saying he misses me and wants me back, can’t stop looking at me and then he doesn’t talk to me but when we’re together you can feel the chemistry. I decided that I was not getting anywhere And was stalking him on snap. So I unadded him and also to start the no contact. Two days later he messaged me upset that I unadded him and that we thought I didn’t want to be friends.
    So in the end. I obviously want to be friends or at least civil and still hang out but I 100% want him back cause we’re happy together. How do you think I should go about this cause I’m stuck. I’ve also decided to have a month on self love and improvement.

  9. Avatar

    Someone

    September 6, 2020 at 4:16 am

    hey..my ex and me broke up a few months ago..i am doing no contact but he is hinting he just wants to be friends with me..even after no contact..what should i do..? What does this mean..?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 6, 2020 at 10:52 am

      Hey there if you want a relationship then you need to avoid falling into the friends zone – the only time we allow this is if you are 100% he has moved on to someone new. So for now stick with your NC and then start texting phase. Read articles to help you through the program

  10. Avatar

    Jess

    September 5, 2020 at 8:08 pm

    Hey so I’ve been 5 years since I’ve had any contact with my ex and I’ve been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for 5 years. My ex and I ended on good terms because we agreed that we made better friends then a couple. While fast forward to now and we’ve been hanging out and talking a lot again, and at first I felt it was because he was really depressed and just need someone there for him, but last time we were texting and he was telling me about how he wasn’t really drunk just horny and a little tipsy.i could of just been a slip up but the other night he put his hand on my thigh and I didn’t think nothing of it till later because it was closer to my knee , I just don’t want to lose a friend but, I don’t want him to think he has a chance.

  11. Avatar

    Nicole

    August 8, 2020 at 5:18 pm

    Hey, I broke up with my ex, who we were so compatible with..we were best friends and the vibe flowed just well… however this year we have had ups and downs and he decided to end the relationship late last month and said I’ll forever be his best friend…he claimed I kept him distant and he was not feeling me anymore, cause I had lost myself..he has made it clear that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore, but we’ll hang around as friends..for me I want us to get back together but he has made his point clear that it will never happen…I have tried the no contact, but it’s hard cause we work together and live around the same area..
    What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 8, 2020 at 10:56 pm

      Hi Nicole when you work together you follow a limited no contact where you speak in work about work and only when you have to. Otherwise avoid being around him as much as you can and just go about your day as normal as if you are happy and indifferent to him being around. And then when out of work you follow the normal no contact rules.

  12. Avatar

    Jess

    August 4, 2020 at 7:14 am

    My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me two weeks ago. He said it was because he hated fighting with someone he loved. At the time, we were both really stressed and having small arguments, but I thought it was mostly because I was stressed about a certain circumstance. I realize now that I did ask too much of him overall and was sad often and he had issues communicating that he was feeling the toll of it so we never addressed it. He said to me often that I was sadder than he originally thought I was. I believe that’s why we broke up.

    At the time of the breakup, he told me he still cared for me, and wanted me to be his friend and stay in his life because he genuinely liked me as a person. He said he didn’t plan on dating for months or even years. I agreed, and then after we just didn’t speak for two weeks aside form sending streaks on Snapchat-and I never opened his, trying to follow No Contact. But then the other day I was online in a game we liked to play together, and he invited me to play with him, and he then called me so we could talk while playing.

    That went pretty well, we just chatted and played. He said that we should hang out sometime, and I should let him know when I was free, but I didn’t commit to anything and told him I was busy for the next two weeks. He did start to try and treat me more like a friend. Called me “broski” and stuff like that. Afterward we did continue snapchatting a little bit. Fast forward to today. We hadn’t said anything to each other all day, and he put one of those YOLO things on his story where people send you messages anonymously. People were jumping all over him and talking about how attractive he was, that they wanted to sleep with him… Etc. Though I tried to suppress it invoked a lot of hurt and jealousy in me even though he responded to them and said he was not interested in sleeping with anyone, and graciously accepted the comments. Later he snapped me a video of himself goofing around with some friends later, which I responded to, and then after he snapped me again with a bland response, I just left him on opened. (Snapchat is our primary form of communication). Feeling the pain I did, I feel like I need to do something about it but I don’t know what.

    Go back to only sending streaks without opening his snaps? Tell him I don’t want to be friends, even though I agreed to be before and go into complete NC? Or just cut contact with no explanation? Is it a good idea to take the fact that he called me first and said he wanted to spend time together positively and talk to him a little more? Maybe meet up in a few weeks? Please note we don’t have mutual friends, and we don’t follow each other on any social media besides Instagram.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 5:08 pm

      Hi Jess, no do not open his snaps… it really is not important that you keep your streak… You need to go into a NC and stick with it for at least 30 days. Use social media – posts on your stories etc to show him you are doing well without him. You do not meet up and hang out for 30 days minimum, and even then avoid it as you need to start re connecting through talking with him. texting and phone calls. Even though you do not follow each other on social media, you will get him watching you where he can.

  13. Avatar

    Mckenna Techtow

    July 30, 2020 at 6:29 pm

    I was in a LDR and it lasted for about 3 months. We would talk every day and I felt like we had a good connection. When I went to visit him we both had a good time. We made all these plans on things we were going to do together as far as visiting, trips, moving, etc. Then he slowly grew more distant after I left and I responded by being clingy and not responding well to him not reciprocating interest in me. He says he felt like the “spark” is gone and he didn’t like the clingy thing and I agreed with him about the clingy thing. He said he still wants to be friends. I didn’t beg for him to stay or anything. I really had my heart set on all the plans we made and it hurts to think about never seeing him again. I have been practicing the no contact rule for the most part. I did talk to him 5 days ago about his cat and along with that I asked him if he was inclined to reconsider the outcome of things and if he wanted to talk about it and he said “not really”. Im trying to talk to other people but it makes me feel like shit because I have my heart set on him and all the things we talked about and letting that go is hard. I’m not sure if there is any hope.

  14. Avatar

    Reese

    July 19, 2020 at 12:47 pm

    Hi,
    I have been with my husband for almost 6 years with 3 years of marriage. We struggled in our marriage but we’re deeply in love. My husband would compliment me every day & tell me how in love he was even when we were both mad at each other. I loved that about him. Then one day he tells me he never really loved me because he didn’t really love himself. Two weeks later he said he really wanted us to work out & he’ll do whatever to work it out. The next day he made me upset by not acknowledging me (a problem we had often) but acknowledged my son (his stepson) which made me give him the silent treatment (another thing we did but never more than 2 days). After 2 days, he completely stop speaking to me and 2 weeks later he said we were not together so he didn’t owe me any explanation. He even said we will get a divorce. I took a step back and left him alone. I kept myself busy even though this was still painful. Throughout the next 2 weeks I didn’t contact him, he kept calling asking to speak to my son only promising him a phone so that he wouldn’t have to call mines. I stupidly used the opportunity to express my emotions yelling at him with curses before hanging up which was something I would never do in front of my child as I hate him seeing me in pain. I couldn’t help it. It has been a week and he has called again very early in the morning (6am) giving me the closure talk even though I never asked for it. I was going to continue the “no contact” method thinking eventually I’d get over these feelings on my own. But now he keeps calling talking about a possible friendship. He said if I ever needed someone to talk to that he was here. Oh great! He also said I helped made him a better person, he feels really good now, and that a continued relationship with us can never happen again. So why call me? Does he get off on hurting me? If you feel so damn good, why tell me about it?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 19, 2020 at 7:45 pm

      Hi Reese, you need to follow a No Contact where you no longer speak to him, because he is not helping you or himself at this point calling you to talk all the time. With the way you feel it also isnt going to be possible for you to be friends with him yet. You need to read and follow the information about being Ungettable and then use this to show him how you are living your life with out him. While he knows you are sad and still missing him you are not going to get a change in his attitude

  15. Avatar

    Christal

    April 22, 2020 at 6:13 am

    Hi.
    Me and my ex having been dating for 6 years. There was Infidelity on both sides. Twice on his part and once on mine. I actually did it to get back at him sad to say. After he found out, he broke up with me and I can honestly say that I had regret my decision instantly and I apologized sincerely and promised that it wouldn’t happen again. However, he did not want to hear that. 2 weeks after we broke up, I found out that he started to date someone that dented our relationship during the six years because they were talking and being flirty with each other. We’ve been broken up for 8 months now and he has been in his relationship for 7 and a half months. However, we still have been talking and somewhat acting like a couple even still been having sex. I tried to do no contact three weeks ago, and yesterday he reached out saying how proud he was of me for starting my business that I was planning. He then went on to send me a screenshot showing that he has not removed any of our photo albums from his phone and he told me that even though we are together I should know how he really feels about me. Which in I don’t to be honest. When I pitched the idea of getting back he said he can’t just leave the girl he is with because she hasn’t done anything wrong to him. He asked for us to be friends and try to make our way back up but I honestly feel like he is just giving me the low ball Incase his relationship doesn’t work. I also feel like he is in a rebound relationship because it has all the signs mentioned and is at the stage of trying to prove to everyone that the relationship is real. Please, any advice will work. Because I don’t want to lose him to her. We have been three for three years before we got into our 6 year relationship. So it wasn’t only losing a partner but also losing a long time friend

  16. Avatar

    Dani

    April 1, 2020 at 10:00 am

    Our relationship is for about six months but we loved each other very much.But last month he wanted to breakup with me that he said he need his mental freedom.I never did bad things for him but when I was upset he upset more than me.Those times he told he need some days,and after few days he was with me with love.This time also same thing happen but he wants to end up.I want him back so I texted him not everyday just somedays.Now I want as a friend to give a chance for us again.Is that okey?Did he go away from me.Whay should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 2, 2020 at 10:42 pm

      Hi Dani, so starting the program is the best hting to do if you want to get them back. Starting with your No contact and working on the Holy Trinity

  17. Avatar

    Rachel

    March 25, 2020 at 1:50 pm

    I dated a guy for three months. Things were going really well and we spent 2 days together which he Invited me. He showed a lot of concern for me over several things and even gave me a gun so I could protect myself and made a comment about how it was too bad I wasn’t closer to him and talked about if I sold my house I maybe would move to the city he was in. He is only 45 min from me. This was all right before things went silent. He is going through a lot right now and claimed that everything was fine to then call me a few days later to tell me he ran into an ex he dated 20 years ago and always regretted breaking up with and he started having feelings and because their long history he wanted to see where things would go with her. He expressed that he was really sorry and wanted to remain friends and that he does have some feelings and does care about me even still. I sent him a heartfelt text and then left things be. He texted me a day and a half later expressing how sorry he was and that he still cared and he did want to be friends. I really miss him and keep holding out hope. The girl he started to date lives 3 or 4 hours from him but he has a house where she is at and said he was just going to travel to see her but wasn’t planning on moving back. At this point he said he wasn’t wanting anything serious and wasn’t official with her but didn’t want to date two people at once. His wife died almost a year ago so I know he is wanting to take things slow. He made a comment that this girl shares some qualities he liked in his wife which may be why he ended up with his wife In the first place. He also made the comment that he puts up a lot of walls. I really want to be with him. Please advise.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 4, 2020 at 8:21 pm

      Hi Rachel when someone is telling you that they do not want anything serious you need to take this as they are not investing enough in you, or afraid to lose you. Looking for almost a friends with benefits situation where they dont get the commitment of a relationship. I would work on your Holy Trinity and date casually when you can so that your ex can see he is going to lose you if he does not commit

  18. Avatar

    Megan

    March 24, 2020 at 3:15 pm

    Hey there,

    I have not spoken with my ex for about a month (since we’ve broken up). He finally reached out to me last night and was asking questions. I was very brief with him but he then realized it and said, “I thought we were friends.” I’ll leave you alone if you want. I simply responded we could be friends but I have not texted him or called him since. He initially called me to ask when I was going to pick something up that I left there but then started asking questions about my job and my dating life. Again, I was brief. Should I tell him that I don’t want to be friends? I have started dating again but nothing too serious. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 9:06 pm

      Hi Megan if you do not want your ex back, or want to be friends either then I would just NC him rather than having those sort of conversations

  19. Avatar

    Veronica

    March 17, 2020 at 11:38 pm

    Hi I was in a relationship with my ex for 2.5 years we broke up on January 27 because we weren’t happy he decided to work on himself and wasn’t prepared for relationship anymore but we were friends andhe would flirt with me and we almost met up at a hotel to hook up but last minute he canceled because he realized it was not a good idea i was upset because i felt played. He’s at a rehab trying to grow on himself to better his life but i was supported and was always there for him after he started to ignore me i started to insult him and got crazy and mean to him because I was hurt he suddenly agreed to stay friends with me after he said that he stopped loving me but that his boundaries were up and wants his space. He keeps telling me that I deserve to be happy and that he hopes i get laid and added a happy face . Why does he keep telling me that I should get laid. Do you think is a good idea to be friends with my ex? If i show him that I’m not interested in sex with him will it make him win me back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 10:09 pm

      Hi Veronica if you want your ex back then you need to complete a No Contact, and you do not friendzone yourself if you want a relationship. Unless he gets into a relationship with someone else. You need to work the Ungettable information to show you’re ex what he has lost by letting you go. Use social media and mutual friends to enforce this. You need to not entertain even having sex with him while you are out of a relationship as you do not want to fall into friends with benefits situation either.

  20. Avatar

    H

    February 26, 2020 at 11:26 am

    Hi Shaunna,

    Noticed a lot of postings on situations, just wondering if some people could post their success or unsuccessful stories on here?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 26, 2020 at 9:57 pm

      Hi H there are success stories posted as articles, along with YouTube videos where Chris has interviews with the success stories if you want to go check it out

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1jMYwzkpOM

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