What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You

Here’s a question for you,

What is Ghosting?

We’ve all had some experience with it in dating.

You have gone on a couple of dates with someone, and then radio silence.

If we’re being honest, most of us are guilty of doing it ourselves. Those couple of dates that you did go on with him were boring.

He chewed with his mouth open. He called his ex while you were waiting on the appetizers. (I may have had that happen to me once.) And for whatever reason, you just don’t see it going any further.

You cringe when he texts you,

Screen Shot 2016-07-25 at 5.03.40 PM

You don’t want to have that dreaded conversation where you tell him,

“I just don’t see this being “a thing” or going anywhere.”

So, you ignore his texts and calls. You avoid running into him. And if you do you pretend you’ve never met.

You’re giving him the space to get over the traumatic loss of messing up an opportunity with someone as awesome as you. (I’m going to assume you’re pretty awesome.) The calls and texts to you double. Heck, they even triple until months down the road when he finally gives up, hopefully.

Now I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m talking to you about something that happens when you’re still in that “dating around” period.

Well, that’s just it.

Ghosting and “being ghosted” is not just reserved for single hopefuls that are going on a handful of dates a week.

This can even happen in relationships too!

Things are going seemingly fine. Over the time you’ve been together, things have gotten a little bit… routine. He finds himself noticing things other women have and do that you just don’t have or do anymore.

He stops spending as much time with you. He doesn’t put that effort in any more. Life can be busy so you haven’t even realized that you barely see him anymore and…

‘POOF!’ Suddenly he’s just gone!

No Text.

No Call.

No explanation.

He’s just gone.

And you find yourself blocked everywhere you turn.

Oh, how rude… I forgot to introduce myself,

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Allow Me To Introduce Myself

Hi. My name is Ashley and, let’s face it, you have no idea who I am.

So, Let’s get acquainted!

Screen Shot 2016-07-27 at 12.55.37 PM

This is me!

(Okay, so usually I’m more… colorful)

Ashley

Heck, I’m even more colorful than that but that’s all the pictures you are getting of me today 😉 .

In college I studied Visual Arts and Marketing. (Yes I drew that lovely picture of myself there.) I love cycling, tennis, and studying Psychology. I am clumsy and always nursing a bruise or two; therefore I was given the well-earned nickname of…

Crashley.

Why am I telling you all of this?

Because I am the newest member of Chris’ “Ex Recovery Team.”

He hired me to help him create content for you and has dubbed me as “The Head of Content Development.” Pretty fancy nickname, right?

But enough about me.

Let’s talk about you.

Or more specifically, ghosting!

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Welcome To “Ghost-ville!”

ghosted

There’s a similar thing happening to ghosting these days that is equally as devastating,

It’s called benching.

It’s almost exactly like ghosting, except there’s an excuse that prefaces the ‘Poof!’ He tells you that you guys need to take a break and he needs space. For now, you can just remain friends.

If this has happened to you then you, my friend, have been benched.

So, what’s going on in the mind of a man who says something like this?

Basically he wants to be single and date around without feeling like he’s cheating, but he wants you to be an option should he ever have the inclination to date you again, or, more likely, to be able to call for a hookup when there isn’t another option.

But still that “blocked” status applies. He blocks your number, but only unblocks it when there’s something he wants. He blocks or limits what you can see via social media. Oh, and you won’t dare run into him just out and about. It’s ghosting, with a clause.

But who would do that?

I mean really?!

Only scum would do that!

Eh, not necessarily.

This mentality, “If I don’t see their pain, then there’s a chance it doesn’t actually happen” is rampant today.

Out of sight, out of mind, and not weighing on their conscience.

Most of my friends are guys and I find that a lot of them prefer not to have to tell someone that they just aren’t really “feeling it” any more. In lady terms, “the spark is gone.” (I should be a linguist speaking all these languages!) Some of my guys let me poll them occasionally for insight. And I found that most of them even like the fact that, in ghosting someone, they have the option to assume that, that person is pining away somewhere over losing someone as awesome as them.

**cue eye roll*

eye roll

I mean honestly I can’t tell you that I’m not guilty of this very thing.

What?!

I know, I’m scum along with the rest of them.

WE ARE WORMS!

Pain andPanic

I’ll explain why doing crappy things is sometimes a necessary evil in the next few sections. So don’t hold it against me just yet. All in good time.

But first…

Why Does Ghosting & Benching Even Happen?

I’m not going to lie to you, these are both horrible situations to be in.

Seriously, they just suck.

I mean, if this has happened to you, you probably feel like you got blindsided by a truck and then it backed up and did it again, just for good measure.

You deserve some sort of explanation, and you aren’t going to get it from him. So I’m going to do something very nice for you. (You’re grateful I’m sure.) I’m going to lay out a few of the various reasons for why he might have ghosted you.

However, consider yourself warned, some of these will be hard to hear. So, if you want to hold on to whatever nice, albeit false, reasoning you already concocted for why he would possibly treat you this way, don’t read any further.

……

…….

………..

Still here?

Okay, well I’m glad you want to know the truth. I admire that about you.

Here are a few of the most common reasons ghosting happens:

Situation One – The Dreaded Drama

The Dreaded Drama – The modern man is a narcissist. They expect women to cause a scene. I can’t really blame them. It’s human nature to want to throw a tantrum when we don’t get what we want. It’s something that I think goes all the way back to our childhood.

sharing

Not to mention, that most modern women have been conditioned to cause a ruckus in order to be heard.

Our entire gender has been given a bad rap by what most of my guy friends would call “the crazies”, meaning women who automatically overreact or resort to drastic measures in order to feel like they are being heard.

One of the guys refers to it as “The Rage Tornado.” And let’s face it, this number is growing. Oh, and “The Rage Tornado” isn’t even specific to our gender.

But we aren’t going to get into that today.

grown woman tantrum

No one likes confrontation and men will go out of their way to avoid it. They think you can’t handle losing them. Their ego is inflated by the assumption.

They’d rather imagine your devastation than actually see it, because in person there is one thing they can’t handle no matter how prepared they are… TEARS.

I know grown men who can handle pretty much any situation with finesse, but when presented with a crying woman, they panic and turn into a complete wreck. Think Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.

sheldon

I once had a roommate that dealt with things like him. I was so sick one evening that he stood outside the bathroom patting my shoulder with a broom held out like I had the plague or something and just kept saying, “There, There.”

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SO, WHAT’S THE COUNTER TO SITUATION ONE?

Stay calm and keep your emotions in check!

Don’t let him see how much it hurts even if it feels like there’s a knife in your chest that hurts every time you breathe since you haven’t heard from him.

Situation Two – The Respect Factor

The Respect Factor – This one can vary in meaning depending on how long the two of you have been together. If it was a short-lived relationship, it’s fairly possible that he never respected you in the first place.

In the world of dating apps, it has become easy to see each other as profiles rather than people.

An article in the Huffington Post put it well.

‘…matchmaking often happens by swiping right and left, making potential daters literally disposable. The ease of app and online dating has allowed ghosting to take new form. Chelsea, a 25-year-old Manhattanite who has been both a ghost and a ghostee says the fast-paced, onto-the-next mentality of online dating makes the need for an “it’s not me, it’s you,” conversation irrelevant. “Even after one or two dates they are still just a profile to you, not a person. I don’t feel the normal empathy I would for someone I met organically,” she said.’

If you’ve been together a while, it’s entirely possible that he has lost his respect for you.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“But, Ashley, people don’t just lose respect for the people they love.”

Not true.

It is so easy to undermine an entire relationship.

I once called off a relationship with a guy I truly liked and had been seeing for about half a year just because he said one simple, yet completely ignorant, statement that changed the way I saw him.

He went from being tall, dark, intelligent and handsome to being a sleazy guy who loved to talk about things he didn’t’ understand, making him entirely unattractive to me.

SO, WHAT’S THE COUNTER TO SITUATION TWO?

Chin up, and repeat after me.

“I cannot force someone to respect me by demanding it from them!”

You have to decide if they ever respected you in the first place. Ask your close friend who spent time with the two of you together, because this is something that is hard to see from the inside of a relationship.

If you come to the conclusion that he ever did respect you, then remind him of the person you were. However, you have to do this in conjunction with giving him new reasons to respect you.

“But Ash, I’m being ghosted! How do you show someone something when they aren’t around?”

I’ll get to that in a second.

Situation Three – Doing You a Favor

Doing You a Favor – Spanning the latter part of the time you were together, there were most likely things that you did or characteristics that you had that bothered him. These culminated into a mass of things that worked like a kite string. Each one lengthened the distance a little bit more letting him drift further away.

Kite

At this point he could explain your faults and allow you the option to adjust. But if the men in your life are anything like the men in my life, you know that they like to let things build up.

I mean, women do this too, but we’re just talking about men today.

For example, it bothers my dad that my mom puts things back when he’s using them, like the remote, or a spice he’s using out by the grill. Now, she’s not trying to inconvenience him. She just likes a clean house.

He knows this so he doesn’t say anything, but it annoys him none-the-less.

There are tons of little things that she does that annoy the heck out of him. But one day, she does something that is just the icing on the cake. (Something that drives me crazy too.) She is telling him something and walks out of the room while she’s talking leaving us both trying to guess at what she’s saying.

rotating door

It can be quite frustrating. When she comes back into the room, suddenly he says, “I hate it when you do that!” then proceeds to list every tiny little thing she does that drives him nuts.

Then that’s it.

He feels better since he’s not holding it all in anymore. She’s left standing there shell-shocked wondering why he hadn’t said something at the moment she was doing each little thing so she could fix them right then.

It’s not uncommon.

They’re married though. He can’t just ghost my mom. (I mean he could, but he hasn’t so far, so I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he won’t. But you never know)

In dating it’s a little different.

For our purposes today we’re going to assume that he just decides that laying all of that on you is just too much for you to handle. That and he doesn’t want to wait around for you to fix all of the issues. But it’s clearly bothering him, and he chooses to walk away without an explanation and save you both the trouble of hurting your feelings.

SO, WHAT’S THE COUNTER TO SITUATION THREE?

Read Chris’ article on The Ungettable Girl. (I’ve including the link towards the end of this article for those of you who want to continue reading this article.)

Do everything you can to be the best version of yourself.

Situation Four – Profile Overload

Profile Overload – We’re going to play off of something we talked about in Situation two, the fact that we live in a profile rich environment these days. It’s highly possible that, in culminating all of the reasons we’ve talked about, the little things that bother him, the growing distance, it’s possible that someone else caught his eye and he’s, yet again, saving you both the trouble of hurting your feelings.

In a Tinder and Plenty of Fish kind of world, it is quite possible you’ve been thrown back to sea, lost and confused.

Don’t worry.

There are plenty of us confused fish out there.

confused fish original

SO, WHAT’S THE COUNTER TO SITUATION FOUR?

This counter is the same as before.

Build yourself up to be incomparable.

AKA: Become the Ungettable Girl

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Does The Fact That He Turned Into Casper Make Him A Bad Person?

The fact is that ghosting leaves you devastated and him convinced that he’s done both you and himself a favor.

He’s saved himself the pain and anguish of having a difficult conversation, not to mention the possibility of having to deal with tears and drama. And he’s saved you the pain having to actually hear that he doesn’t want to be with you, for whatever reason.

And that’s it for them.

They go on thinking they’ve done you a service and move on with life. This means it hurts less right?

WRONG!?

Now you’re in forever limbo wondering what happened, a confused fish lost at sea.

confused fish original

(Yup, I totally used the fish picture again 😉 .)

Is it fair? Not at all, but as my mother reminds me incessantly, life is rarely fair.

So no, it doesn’t make him a bad person. It just means he’s a coward and accentuates the fact that he has a serious lack of respect for you, which you should definitely take into account since we’re on this quest to get him back together.

Usually the decision to ghost someone is made on a whim, sometimes without any actual thought at all.

So it’s highly unlikely he planned on hurting you this way. However there are men who actually plan the ghosting ahead of time.

It’s habitual.

They know, going into the relationship that this is how it will inevitably end. These men aren’t worth your time and if you realize this is a regular thing for him, I don’t suggest going any further in trying to revive the relationship.

Let it die. You’re life will be better for it.

Feel free to continue reading, this article though. Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, we talk about becoming a better version of yourself quite a bit. I believe the poet George Herbert once said

“Living well is the best revenge.”

And we definitely encourage that here.

How to Deal With Ghosting

what do you do here meme

You have a few choices on how to deal with being ghosted.

So, here is what I am going to do for you guys. I am going to divide this section up into two parts.

  1. The Stuff I DON’T Suggest
  2. The Stuff I DO Suggest

Sound like a plan?

Yes?

Awesome

I DON’T SUGGEST: (Seriously Don’t Do These Things)

Texting, Calling, Emailing – Don’t go “bumping into him” or sending a Carrier Pigeon repeatedly and obsessively,

“Hey.” “Hey I was wondering…”

“You want to go grab coffee?”

“Me and some friends… want to join?” etc.

(This is how you get labeled as “that crazy girl he dated that one time.”)

The Rage Tornado – hurl insults at him through every type of communication you have access to

(This is also how you get labeled as “that crazy girl he dated that one time.”) It’s a BIG NO NO!

Don’t do it!

I DO SUGGEST (Do The Following Things:)

A Longer No Contact Rule

45 days to be exact!

The reason for the extension is, because if you stick with a short bit of time, you’re just agreeing to the terms he’s already set in motion, which leaves him in control. Keep the No Contact up as long as it takes for him to realize it doesn’t bother you.

Eventually he’ll come around to see why you haven’t come begging for him back like he expects you to do.

Take the time to work on becoming the best version of you that you can.

Check out this article for tips on becoming an Ungettable Girl.

Also, you should try and guess at what issues he may have had with you and address them. I cannot stress this next part, only address these issues he has if they are also beneficial to your journey to becoming a better you.

Don’t go changing things you like about yourself just to appease him.

Also, DO NOT use this as an excuse to contact him to ask what issues he had!!

You’re a smart lady… I’m sure you can get pretty close to an idea of what bothered him in the relationship just by reflecting on your time together.

Place yourself in his peripheral.

If you don’t know what I mean, try this.

Sit up straight and look at the wall ahead of you.

Without turning your head or shifting your gaze, think about the things happening around you. You still have a pretty good idea of it without even seeing it, right?

You can even tell what color the people around you are wearing. This is what I’m talking about. Even though he can’t see you, he’ll still be able to see what you’ve been doing. Make sure he sees what you want him to see.

Assuming you were together for a while, you have the same friends you share acquaintances. Let other people see how well you’re doing. Adjust your social media to reflect the improvements you are making in your life. Don’t put it on blast that you’re having a tough time, even if you are.

Stay Strong During Your No Contact.

However, if you run into him, keep it short sweet and to the point. Here’s a great article on the No Contact explaining all of it’s complicated rules.

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Consistency, Consistency, And More Consistency!

consistency

Once you achieve your goal and get him back, remember to keep your wits about you, it is so easy to fall back into patterns. Trust me, there is this one guy I went out with about ten or twelve times.

I was a sucker for him, because I couldn’t’ quite figure him out. He’d be a jerk and dump me and we’d go for months without any interaction whatsoever. Then we’d wind up in the same room and suddenly I was jumping through hoops like one of those froo froo show dogs trying to keep his attention and he’d string me along because no one else had his attention at the time.

It’s just so simple to forget yourself. It’s our nature to try and maintain a sense of continuity. We automatically try to be the person we were to keep from having attention directed at us. I know that if you put me in the same room with any of the people I went to school with, I may as well have braces and have frizzy hair again. By reverting to who you were, you’re missing out on having that moment when they look at you and say, “Wow! Look at this incredible person she’s become without me!” You have to stay conscious of the time and effort you’ve invested into improving your life so you don’t let it float away at the first indication that your prey may be falling into your trap. Maintain the better you! Your life will be better for it whether you get the guy or go on to find someone better.

You don’t even need to aim your efforts directly at him. You want to turn heads. Fight that urge to keep the attention off of you. Have all the eyes on you and all minds filled with one thought; “She doesn’t NEED anybody! We just simply exist to her.” I guarantee that if the people around you are thinking it, this notion will permeate his mind to and soon he’ll be grateful to be a part of your life rather than you feeling like you have to fight tooth and nail to be in his.

However I can’t stress enough how important it is to continue becoming better, despite him being back in your life. If you allow yourself to fall into old patterns, being the girl he obviously doesn’t respect you’ll end up right back in Ghost-ville.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Ashley.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

EBR Team Member: Ashley

231 responses to “What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You”

  1. Ann says:

    In your article you said to wait 45 days for no contact or until he realizes he misses you. But in the no contact article it says not to go longer then 45 days. So if he ghosted you do different rules apply for the length of no contact?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Ann,

      Sorry, I don’t entirely understand what you mean. What different rules do you have in mind? If he ghosted you, you can do as long as 45 days if you want, and then initiate contact after that

  2. Crystal says:

    So, I met this guy online several months ago. We hit it off, and we talked everyday for a few weeks. Then, poof he disappears. After a couple of messages went unanswered, I told him it was cool if he wanted to just be friends (I truly meant it because we hadn’t met or anything), but no response. Fast forward 7 months (after I’ve forgotten him), and he hunts me down and sends me a friend request on facebook. I accepted, and we started talking again. He apologized about ghosting me, and his reason was that he was overwhelmed between work, figuring things out with his ex regarding their son after their recent divorce, etc. He asked me out on a date, to which I initially said no. However, after he repeatedly apologized, asked for a second chance, and kept talking to me for a couple of weeks, I decided to go out with him. We talked every day for about a month, but we only went on 2 dates due to our schedules (it just happened that we were both really busy during this time). I was leaving for a week long vacation, and he started acting a bit distant, so I asked if everything was ok. He said he was just busy, and I told him ok, I just didn’t want him to feel overwhelmed and to disappear again because I liked him. We didn’t talk while I was on vacation as I didn’t have service. I messaged him to let him know I was back. He read it, no response. Next day, I messaged him, just asking if everything was ok. He read it, no response. I sent one final message telling him that I got the hint that he didn’t want to talk to me, and that it’s cruel to ignore someone completely, and he shouldn’t have come back if he was just going to do this again. He read it, then blocked me on Facebook. I had no intention of saying anything else, but it really hurt that he took that extra step.

    I really liked this guy, and things seemed to be going well, so I don’t get it. What’s his deal? Normally, I’d forget about him and not waste my time, but dating after divorce is hard. Been there, done that. So, my brain can’t decide if he’s just struggling with dating or if he’s just a complete jerk. What’s your take on this one?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Crystal,

      how long ago was he divorced? Because it seems like he’s not serious with you.. for me, you should move on because it looks like he has an attitude of talking to you when he has nothing to do and ghosting you when he’s busy.

    • Crystal says:

      He’s been divorced just over a year. From what he told me, he hasn’t dated at all since. On date one, he was already talking about a future with me. He mentioned buying a house within the next year and told me where he was looking to buy, and he asked if I would be willing to live in that area. He mentioned future vacations, getting married, etc. I thought discussing those things on a first date was moving very quickly, but I just assumed that he was just excited and not used to dating. I told him I wanted to get to know him better, but I’m not in a rush . He initiated most of the conversations, checked on me several times when I was sick, etc. It just seems so strange to cut all communication when I wasn’t bombarding him with messages, begging to see him, etc. I almost feel like he rushed in trying to start a full fledged relationship and then freaked. Thoughts? I’m not contacting him, & I’m still blocked as far as I know.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Maybe he did, but after that I wouldn’t talk to him..he has to do a looooot of work to get my trust back

  3. Pampa says:

    Hi, i really need your advice.
    I started talking with this guy 6 months ago. Actually i like him since 2 years ago without him knowing. So when he finally come to me 6 months ago, it was a happiness to me.
    I met him only twice. When i met him, he treat me like i’m his woman. Very sweet and a nice man to share ideas tho. But, 3 months ago, we met and suddenly he kissed me after dinner in his apartment. Very intense and i’m afraid it was goin lead into had sexs. I’m quite shocked because it’s kinda confusing because i don’t know what his motives, is he just want make out with me, is he a man who have trouble with expressing his feelings in a word or what? He never said he likes me. He only hugs me from the back if i ask his feeling back then. So i end up angry and went home that night. After a week i text him why he did that? Did he just want my exterior or what? Aaaand he is not reply mt text until now. It’s been almost 4 months. When i still befriend with him in social media, he kept updates his instagram or path. My feeling hurts so i delete his contact and social media. He definitely dump me, right? My feeling is so hurt because i keep thinking about him and actually i love him. I’m so sad. What can i do to move on?

  4. Kilauren says:

    Hi there, so nice to know I’m not alone in this. My bf does a stupidly insane job and hasn’t contacted me for 32 days. Nothing unusual for his work but he’s been finished now for two weeks and I haven’t heard from him. His last contact was loving and my reply was lighthearted and non needy. Chances of his meeting someone else is 0.00001% and he’s mature enough not to ghost. I haven’t reached out to him because about a year ago I did that and got reminded that he was still chasing me so I won’t do it again. My question is, at this point do I assume he IS ghosting me and start 45 days NC? Xx

  5. sam says:

    Reading all the other comments really has made me feel better! its horrible that after someone would do this to us we would still want them back but they arent all bad people and I am sure I have done it to people in my time.With my situation i had been with my ex for 4 years,we broke up i was fine for first couple of weeks,we then met up and swapped letters to each other saying how we would like to see how it goes and hopefully get back together.its been since 5 days since i have now heard from my ex the last text he sent me said “that text was meant for someone else ? he basically thought i was replying to another text to someone esle where it was meant for me saying about meeting up friday.I then yes as a mistake text him a few times saying hope everything is ok as a family member had been really sick and then poured my heart out for the last time this morning saying how upset i was and i assume he was seeing someone else (yes it is crazy as its been 5 days but i thought me saying that would almost make him react like hed panick and think quick i must tell her i am not seeing anyone so she doesnt move on but that is not the case).I think after 4 years that he will eventually reply on his own terms as surely he cant just ignore after saying about making a go of it , i know i havent played my best cards by looking crazy but if he had any respect for last 4 years you would think.but i am gutted and have cried most days and it has felt like an enternity but i suppose it best to think its over and thats it !i keep checking his whatsapp and the last time he was on and as i know what he is doing for the next few weeks (going on holiday and other events) I cant stop myself from thinking of him getting with other people.i feel like because i am not at my best at the moment i feel vulnerable etc so this will be the beginning of the no contact rule.i do wonder though if he does text me do you wait to the end of the no contact rule to reply as surely you are then ghosting the ghoster ?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi sam,

      It depends if it’s not awkward to reply to that text after nc otherwise start a new topic

  6. Mare says:

    Hey Amor!

    I was having some issues posting and I’m not sure if it went through, hope this isn’t a duplicate, but here’s the situation:

    So I met this guy on bumble and everything seems to be going really well. We spoke everyday, texts and phone calls, and there was an equal amount of effort. Week nights were hard for dates because of our conflicting schedules, but we saw each other almost every weekend. Plans were made ahead of time. His friends knew about me, the whole thing. He also always said that it was up to me to let him know “when I felt he earned the right to be exclusive” and that “he was super picky so he wasn’t talking to other girls.” It had been about a month and four actual dates. Then one day (3 days after a great date and normal communication afterwords up to said day) he was telling me how a bridesmaid from his brothers wedding two years ago and him were friends and he’s going to this wedding in November with her. I let it go and was like oh that sounds fun! Then he was super quiet and moody over the next few days until that Saturday. I texted him in the morning as usual and he was a little short but everything seemed fine. I asked him if he still wanted to do something later that day and I haven’t heard from him since. Literally mid conversation, and I know he’s been on bumble since. I know it seems silly because it was so short, but I really liked him and saw a relationship starting to build. I texted him twice afterwards saying hey and then “everything okay?” a few days later. I also unfollowed him on Instagram because I was gonna drive myself crazy. He still follows me on snapchat and Instagram, but hasn’t viewed a story since Sunday (the day after the ghosting) I’ve been using the no contact rule for 3 days now and taking some time to focus on me and my new workout and diet plan. I just need to know if I’m holding out false hope. What do you think?

    • Mare says:

      I just realized it posted 3 times I am so sorry!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Mare,

      That’s ok…Honestly, I think he’s not serious with you and you invested more emotionally than him. If you still want to try and see what will happen..just do 21 days..

  7. Mare says:

    This is long and a doozy haha but I wanted to give as much context as possible.

    Heyy! I sent an email, but I’m struggling over here haha. I want to join a free coaching class, but it’ll have to wait until after work today
    So I met this guy on bumble and everything seems to be going really well. We spoke everyday, texts and phone calls, and there was an equal amount of effort. Week nights were hard for dates because of our conflicting schedules, but we saw each other almost every weekend. Plans were made ahead of time. His friends knew about me, the whole thing. He also always said that it was up to me to let him know “when I felt he earned the right to be exclusive” and that “he was super picky so he wasn’t talking to other girls.” It had been about a month and four actual dates. Then one day (3 days after a great date and normal communication afterwords up to said day) he was telling me how a bridesmaid from his brothers wedding two years ago and him were friends and he’s going to this wedding in November with her. I let it go and was like oh that sounds fun! Then he was super quiet and moody over the next few days until that Saturday. I texted him in the morning as usual and he was a little short but everything seemed fine. I asked him if he still wanted to do something later that day and I haven’t heard from him since. Literally mid conversation, and I know he’s been on bumble since. I know it seems silly because it was so short, but I really liked him and saw a relationship starting to build. I texted him twice afterwards saying hey and then “everything okay?” a few days later. I also unfollowed him on Instagram because I was gonna drive myself crazy. He still follows me on snapchat and Instagram, but hasn’t viewed a story since Sunday (the day after the ghosting) I’ve been using the no contact rule for 3 days now and taking some time to focus on me and my new workout and diet plan. I just need to know if I’m holding out false hope. What do you think?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Mare,

      That’s ok…Honestly, I think he’s not serious with you and you invested more emotionally than him. If you still want to try and see what will happen..just do 21 days..

  8. Mare says:

    Heyy this is a little bit of a doozy haha

    Heyy! I sent an email, but I’m struggling over here haha. I want to join a free coaching class, but it’ll have to wait until after work today
    So I met this guy on bumble and everything seems to be going really well. We spoke everyday, texts and phone calls, and there was an equal amount of effort. Week nights were hard for dates because of our conflicting schedules, but we saw each other almost every weekend. Plans were made ahead of time. His friends knew about me, the whole thing. He also always said that it was up to me to let him know “when I felt he earned the right to be exclusive” and that “he was super picky so he wasn’t talking to other girls.” It had been about a month and four actual dates. Then one day (3 days after a great date and normal communication afterwords up to said day) he was telling me how a bridesmaid from his brothers wedding two years ago and him were friends and he’s going to this wedding in November with her. I let it go and was like oh that sounds fun! Then he was super quiet and moody over the next few days until that Saturday. I texted him in the morning as usual and he was a little short but everything seemed fine. I asked him if he still wanted to do something later that day and I haven’t heard from him since. Literally mid conversation, and I know he’s been on bumble since. I know it seems silly because it was so short, but I really liked him and saw a relationship starting to build. I texted him twice afterwards saying hey and then “everything okay?” a few days later. I also unfollowed him on Instagram because I was gonna drive myself crazy. He still follows me on snapchat and Instagram, but hasn’t viewed a story since Sunday (the day after the ghosting) I’ve been using the no contact rule for 3 days now and taking some time to focus on me and my new workout and diet plan. I just need to know if I’m holding out false hope. What do you think?

  9. Gizelle says:

    I was in a relationship for nearly 2 years with a guy. We went through a lot of hardships. A couple of months ago, I’ve noticed that my ex has been drifting away from me. We barely saw each other. I made many attempts to talk about it with him but he says he’s exhausted from work. Then he stopped texting me throughout the day. He would still call me. A year ago he closed his Facebook account. Things seemed off this week. Thursday night we had a great conversation, we laughed on Skype ect. Friday morning I noticed via Facebook that he activated it. He removed our pictures and blocked me. I called him and his number is changed. I didn’t email or anything. He doesn’t follow me on any other social media but twitter. I haven’t heard from him since. Is there any hope for me?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Gizelle,

      Since you just broke up, there’s still a chance, don’t chase and beg. Try the advice above.

  10. Celeste says:

    I was dating a guy for about 5 months. For the first 4 he was super sweet, we talked daily, hung out multiple times a week. When he would go on trips I would still hear from him throughout. Then all of a sudden things just felt off. He wasn’t trying to hang out as much, would make excuses for why I couldn’t join him on trips he had invited me to, but he still continued to make plans with me. We’d go out to dinner, watch a movie, etc. Then I noticed a dating app on his phone (but gave him the benefit of the doubt that it was not active, just had not been deleted). This past week we went to dinner but then the weekend came and he blew me off entirely, and with a little prying told me that I’d pushed him away. I don’t know where the switch was flipped…but we definitely had a lot of potential and when things were good, they were great! Do i have a chance of getting back together with him?

  11. Maria says:

    I went out with this tinder guy who lives in a different country but nearby and comes here very often. We connected so well it is crazy. He helped me with my routine and wasn’t hesitant on talking about our future. Was upfront. We talked for a month and the moment he landed he talked to me. We met the next day on a date which is my best ever. Then on our second date we became a bit intimate and once he flew back he talked to me normally and with the same excitement and attention. A week later he said he isn’t looking for anything serious so I refused to meet him again. He kept on asking but I said no. 2 weeks later when he came back he asked to come over and so after making him wait i let him. This time around he was a bit mean. Correcting the way I pronounce words and not being as kind/gentleman like with me. Still he asked me on a date for movies. He later teased me about having a double date and I insisted on him telling me if he is being truthful. He teased throughout the day until I got mad and became “crazy” to him. I told him not to mess with me lol 🙁 He asked if I wanted to end things based on a fight and I said yes, because I wont let a guy call me crazy. So I unfollowed/deleted him from everywhere except snapchat. I messaged him and apologized for my behavior, and that since I gave him a second chance I deserve one too. He said he’ll get back to me once he’s home but after 60 days.. He still hasn’t communicated once but never misses to see a snap of mine. Even though I unfriended him months ago he continues to see all my snaps. Should I give up? I miss him everyday and when he sees my snaps it doesn’t help.

  12. Lisa1.0 says:

    Perhaps I am crazy, but my Ghost and I haven’t had anything going on for 16 days now. Prior to that, he would ghost for 2-4 days at a time, I didn’t know what it was then, and he would call up like nothing happened. Sure, I’d be pissed, but now I know what he is doing. The reason why this thing is different is because I told him I was sick, in the hospital, suffered two seizures and cannot drive for 3 months (state law). So, he freaks out on the phone says he’d call me back in a bit and never did. I didn’t call him either. Screw it. I asked him before we hung up: so this is it, huh? He said, “oh, no. . . I’m not going anywhere. . ..” he’s told me that twice now, so what’s with the ghosting? Since we’ve done this before and gotten back together later, I suspect he’ll call eventually. But, I need to know what to do. Should we give it another shot or should I tell him what I really think of his dating skills? I am too old for this crap, I am 51 and he is 57; one would think that him, pushing 60 would be happy and on his best behavior to have a steady relationship since he still has kids at home. The only thing I truly do miss are those awesome 70’s Circa sideburns. Other than that, I can do without the Cialis and will remain losing weight, getting fresh air and doing projects around the house to declutter. Just need to know if I do give him a chance, sit down calmly and tell him that I won’t tolerate ghosting again, but he has a pattern. Otherwise, tell him what a moron he is for losing the Greatest Black Chick (well, only one) to ever grace his bed……..

  13. Lynn says:

    I meet a guy about 6 months ago, we hit it off right away. He lives an hour from me and works far from home quite often so the majority of our relationship was long distance. I drove across Canada with him to his work, he flew me out to see him, he even surprised me when he came home and came to see me first before anyone else. We had a great relationship, we talked, text and FaceTime everyday. Once he was home i was super excited because it meant I could spend more time with him getting to know him better. I gave him space since he has kids so he could enjoy them. But once he got home the contact became less. I told him how I felt and was ready for the next step in our relationship and he said even though we don’t talk about it, he thinks about it often. I was trying hard not to pressure him but my emotions got in the way. Because we both had kids and juggling our own lives, I felt overwhelmed to the point of physical exhaustion. He came to spend the day with me, I opened up about some of my anxieties in my life ( just going though some tough times)He was very supportive and attentive although did seem a bit off. We were planning a trip together and 2 days later after confirming the trip with him that morning I went and booked it. He texted me an excuse why he might not be able to go. I was frantic because I already paid and became overwhelmed even more. I called 3 times to talk to him that night and poof! He disappeared.
    I couldn’t believe it, total shock. I wanted answers but was very respectful in my text while also being understanding to his feelings because he generally was a nice guy…up until the ghosting part. 2 days later I got upset and called him out on ghosting me via text. The next day I got emotional again and poured my heart out to him but then by the end of the day I texted good bye….and still nothing.
    I think he felt like I was being pushy and maybe me being showing anxiety scared him…so lost..I know he really cared for me. I think I might have messed up.
    I started NC 5 days ago.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      That’s good that you started nc.. You have to show him indirectly through your activity posts that you’ve accepted the situation and that you’re moving on.

  14. Lindsey says:

    Hi, I wish I can get some insights into my past relationship. I met my ex from an online dating app. After we messaged about two weeks, we finally met. From the first time I met him, I knew I like him, so the followings days we became the intimate friend. After three months later, I gave myself and forced him into the relationship because I want to be with him. At that time when we knew each other, I knew he was not ready for our relationship because he had depression issue from various things happened in his life (also include his past unsuccessful four years relationship). But he still accepted my relationship that I want to be with him.

    We were dating for three months before we broke up. During the relationship, we had quite a lot of fighting and arguments. Also, we thought of break up several times, but eventually we decided to back together since we had feelings for each other. However, this time due to misclassification of a certain issue and due to my misunderstood of his words, I was pissed off and decided broke up with him. After that, I was so emotionally and mad at him so I said a lot of bad, insult words to him for several days, and even he knew I was mad but he still took my words seriously, and I totally hurt his feelings.

    Even if I beg him several times that admit my fault and want him to give me another chance, he refused, and said he want to focus on finding job and back to school, he doesn’t want a relationship and he is not ready for a relationship. He said he could treat me as a normal friend, but I refused, so he and I only talk online now. I met him two days ago in my place, and I emotionally broke down all the time when he was here, cried all the time, but he still gave me the same answer. After he left, he hasn’t messaged me yet. I love him a lot and still want him back. In my case, (awful broke up), do I still have a chance to get him back?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Lindsey,

      it’s a general breakup, yes, I think there’s still a chance.. Are you going to do at least 21 days of no contact to focus in improving yourself?

  15. Olivia says:

    I don’t think my other comment went through so I’m posting again. I’ll keep it simple this time.

    Guy I was seeing for four months just quit texting me three weeks ago, right after we spent Valentine’s Day together. We didn’t argue or fight but he advised that the relationship was casual. I don’t know we know wth this guys problem is because he’s dissapeared, But he’s all over my social media and likes my Facebook posts (but not any photos). I’ve been improving my life, and Doing my own thing . Also does NC also mean no looking at his social media?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Oliviaz
      yes, it means no social media stalking.. if.you’ve always been doing that restart the count.. That’s good that you’re improving yourself. Keep it up.

  16. Oli says:

    I have a weird situation. I was seeing someone casually (his words) for about four months. He’s very busy and works long hours so our time together was limited. He admittedly had an unsuccessful relationship with someone a year before me which ended because of these long hours. I think he still is bothered by the fact that his work schedule makes relationships difficult.

    Long story short. A few weeks ago we spent a fun evening together for Valentine’s Day (he made it a point to do something) this went against the whole “casual” thing and I thought maybe things were getting a little more serious. Apparently I was wrong because he ghosted me immediately afterwards and hasn’t contacted me since EXCEPT via weird Facebook stalking (he seeks out things I comment on and likes it). And making strange comments on events I want to go to. He just likes things that make no sense. I wonder if it’s some half assed attempt at keeping one pinky toe in the door while now giving zero effort to reach out.

    Am I now a backup plan? And Is this his warped way of communication? We’ve been NC for almost three weeks but this was set in motion by him not contacting me so I just went with it. After a week I realized there was a possibility it was over, after two weeks I resigned myself to NC. But How do I deal with a ghost when they won’t stop creeping on and liking my fb posts and comments? He makes himself known yet won’t reach out to speak to me now. I’ve accepted a date with someone else to occupy myself. I work out constantly so I’m in great shape and I’ve also been really doing everything to keep a positive attitude and be a better human overall. Aside from this is there anything else I should do?

    Admittedly I’m torn between being open and receptive to I’m coming g back and also me setting boundaries and just blocking his crazy ass.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Oli,

      if he said he just wants to casually date, and now he’s ghosting you, that means he really is just casually dating you.. Because it looks like you’re expecting something serious from him… For me you should move on or if you want to give him a chance, take it as face value that he is not that serious and if he wants to date you, he has to prove to you to first that you’re in the same page

  17. E says:

    Hi,
    I’m hoping for some advice here… I started talking to this guy on a dating app at Christmas. He was on vacation so we could not meet up but we would text every day, video chat and talk on the phone.
    One month later he came back in to town and we went on our first official date. Sparks were flying, we had an amazing time and kissed at the end. Straight after he texted me and said that I was as wonderful as he had imagined and that he couldn’t wait to see me again. 2 days later we had dinner at my house, we kissed for hours then he drove home.
    After that he texted me again, said all the sweetest things.
    My dad came visit me after that for 5 days so we could not go for another date, although we kept phone contact and texted. Then he got sick with fever, he texted me saying he wished he was feeling better so he could hug me, he wrote and said that he couldn’t wait to get well.
    The week after he contacts me again and apologized for not texted as much because he’d been sick, that he was feeling better now and what my plans were for the week, he said he wanted to see me (that was on Monday), we made plans for Saturday. Later that Monday I asked him if he wanted to come over that night. He said he was free, would hurry over and call me soon.
    That was the last thing I heard from him. He never showed up or wrote back to my “where are you?” text.
    Today, 6 days later I texted him and ask what happened, said that I didn’t expect a wonderful guy like him to do this. That he could have said something…
    He never replied…
    I’m so upset and confused… he has putting so much effort in to me and he was soooooo attentive and said so many nice things to me.. that I was his dream girl and that he’s so happy me met me..
    I don’t know what to do now… regret sending him the text today 🙁 but I’m truly left confused and broken. I just don’t get how it could change over a day like this :/

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi E,

      that’s odd.. do you see him being active online?

    • E says:

      Yes, I see him active on Snapchat and instagram every day. It’s really odd.. never heard back :-/ doesn’t make sense.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      so, that means he’s ok.. and he is ghosting you.. Try to complete the 30 day no contact period. Be very active in improving yourself and in posting in social media. If you didn’t do that in the past few days, restart the count and then after initiate contact. If he doesn’t answer, that means it’s better to move on.

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