What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Ghosted You

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Here’s a question for you,

What is Ghosting?

We’ve all had some experience with it in dating.

You have gone on a couple of dates with someone, and then radio silence.

If we’re being honest, most of us are guilty of doing it ourselves. Those couple of dates that you did go on with him were boring.

He chewed with his mouth open. He called his ex while you were waiting on the appetizers. (I may have had that happen to me once.) And for whatever reason, you just don’t see it going any further.

You cringe when he texts you,

Screen Shot 2016-07-25 at 5.03.40 PM

You don’t want to have that dreaded conversation where you tell him,

“I just don’t see this being “a thing” or going anywhere.”

So, you ignore his texts and calls. You avoid running into him. And if you do you pretend you’ve never met.

You’re giving him the space to get over the traumatic loss of messing up an opportunity with someone as awesome as you. (I’m going to assume you’re pretty awesome.) The calls and texts to you double. Heck, they even triple until months down the road when he finally gives up, hopefully.

Now I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m talking to you about something that happens when you’re still in that “dating around” period.

Well, that’s just it.

Ghosting and “being ghosted” is not just reserved for single hopefuls that are going on a handful of dates a week.

This can even happen in relationships too!

Things are going seemingly fine. Over the time you’ve been together, things have gotten a little bit… routine. He finds himself noticing things other women have and do that you just don’t have or do anymore.

He stops spending as much time with you. He doesn’t put that effort in any more. Life can be busy so you haven’t even realized that you barely see him anymore and…

‘POOF!’ Suddenly he’s just gone!

No Text.

No Call.

No explanation.

He’s just gone.

And you find yourself blocked everywhere you turn.

Oh, how rude… I forgot to introduce myself,

BUT FIRST… There’s Something Important You Need To Know

I have been helping men and women get back with their exes for over half a decade and I have learned that most people have preconceived notions when they end up on my site. They think that all they have to do is follow the directions that I give them on the page and they are good to go. Now, while this may hold true in some cases I will say that getting an ex back is usually such a complex process that I can’t explain everything there is to explain in one simple article.

Luckily, I have created an “ultimate resource” for you to follow to not only get your ex back but to understand why they are acting the way they are acting.

All you have to do learn about this resource is to click the button below!

Get Relief FasterWith Tactics I Can't Put on the Blog...

 

Published July 27, 2016, | Modified October 25, 2016

1 - Allow Me To Introduce Myself

Hi. My name is Ashley and, let’s face it, you have no idea who I am.

So, Let’s get acquainted!

Screen Shot 2016-07-27 at 12.55.37 PM

This is me!

(Okay, so usually I’m more… colorful)

Ashley

Heck, I’m even more colorful than that but that’s all the pictures you are getting of me today 😉 .

In college I studied Visual Arts and Marketing. (Yes I drew that lovely picture of myself there.) I love cycling, tennis, and studying Psychology. I am clumsy and always nursing a bruise or two; therefore I was given the well-earned nickname of…

Crashley.

Why am I telling you all of this?

Because I am the newest member of Chris’ “Ex Recovery Team.”

He hired me to help him create content for you and has dubbed me as “The Head of Content Development.” Pretty fancy nickname, right?

But enough about me.

Let’s talk about you.

Or more specifically, ghosting!

2 - Welcome To "Ghost-ville!"

ghosted

There’s a similar thing happening to ghosting these days that is equally as devastating,

It’s called benching.

It’s almost exactly like ghosting, except there’s an excuse that prefaces the ‘Poof!’ He tells you that you guys need to take a break and he needs space. For now, you can just remain friends.

If this has happened to you then you, my friend, have been benched.

So, what’s going on in the mind of a man who says something like this?

Basically he wants to be single and date around without feeling like he’s cheating, but he wants you to be an option should he ever have the inclination to date you again, or, more likely, to be able to call for a hookup when there isn’t another option.

But still that “blocked” status applies. He blocks your number, but only unblocks it when there’s something he wants. He blocks or limits what you can see via social media. Oh, and you won’t dare run into him just out and about. It’s ghosting, with a clause.

But who would do that?

I mean really?!

Only scum would do that!

Eh, not necessarily.

This mentality, “If I don’t see their pain, then there’s a chance it doesn’t actually happen” is rampant today.

Out of sight, out of mind, and not weighing on their conscience.

Most of my friends are guys and I find that a lot of them prefer not to have to tell someone that they just aren’t really “feeling it” any more. In lady terms, “the spark is gone.” (I should be a linguist speaking all these languages!) Some of my guys let me poll them occasionally for insight. And I found that most of them even like the fact that, in ghosting someone, they have the option to assume that, that person is pining away somewhere over losing someone as awesome as them.

**cue eye roll*

eye roll

I mean honestly I can’t tell you that I’m not guilty of this very thing.

What?!

I know, I’m scum along with the rest of them.

WE ARE WORMS!

Pain andPanic

I’ll explain why doing crappy things is sometimes a necessary evil in the next few sections. So don’t hold it against me just yet. All in good time.

But first…

Why Does Ghosting & Benching Even Happen?

I’m not going to lie to you, these are both horrible situations to be in.

Seriously, they just suck.

I mean, if this has happened to you, you probably feel like you got blindsided by a truck and then it backed up and did it again, just for good measure.

You deserve some sort of explanation, and you aren’t going to get it from him. So I’m going to do something very nice for you. (You’re grateful I’m sure.) I’m going to lay out a few of the various reasons for why he might have ghosted you.

However, consider yourself warned, some of these will be hard to hear. So, if you want to hold on to whatever nice, albeit false, reasoning you already concocted for why he would possibly treat you this way, don’t read any further.

……

…….

………..

Still here?

Okay, well I’m glad you want to know the truth. I admire that about you.

Here are a few of the most common reasons ghosting happens:

3 - Situation 1 - The Dreaded Drama

The Dreaded Drama – The modern man is a narcissist. They expect women to cause a scene. I can’t really blame them. It’s human nature to want to throw a tantrum when we don’t get what we want. It’s something that I think goes all the way back to our childhood.

sharing

Not to mention, that most modern women have been conditioned to cause a ruckus in order to be heard.

Our entire gender has been given a bad rap by what most of my guy friends would call “the crazies”, meaning women who automatically overreact or resort to drastic measures in order to feel like they are being heard.

One of the guys refers to it as “The Rage Tornado.” And let’s face it, this number is growing. Oh, and “The Rage Tornado” isn’t even specific to our gender.

But we aren’t going to get into that today.

grown woman tantrum

No one likes confrontation and men will go out of their way to avoid it. They think you can’t handle losing them. Their ego is inflated by the assumption.

They’d rather imagine your devastation than actually see it, because in person there is one thing they can’t handle no matter how prepared they are… TEARS.

I know grown men who can handle pretty much any situation with finesse, but when presented with a crying woman, they panic and turn into a complete wreck. Think Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.

sheldon

I once had a roommate that dealt with things like him. I was so sick one evening that he stood outside the bathroom patting my shoulder with a broom held out like I had the plague or something and just kept saying, “There, There.”

SO, WHAT’S THE COUNTER TO SITUATION ONE?

Stay calm and keep your emotions in check!

Don’t let him see how much it hurts even if it feels like there’s a knife in your chest that hurts every time you breathe since you haven’t heard from him.

4 - Situation Two - The Respect Factor

The Respect Factor – This one can vary in meaning depending on how long the two of you have been together. If it was a short-lived relationship, it’s fairly possible that he never respected you in the first place.

In the world of dating apps, it has become easy to see each other as profiles rather than people.

An article in the Huffington Post put it well.

‘…matchmaking often happens by swiping right and left, making potential daters literally disposable. The ease of app and online dating has allowed ghosting to take new form. Chelsea, a 25-year-old Manhattanite who has been both a ghost and a ghostee says the fast-paced, onto-the-next mentality of online dating makes the need for an “it’s not me, it’s you,” conversation irrelevant. “Even after one or two dates they are still just a profile to you, not a person. I don’t feel the normal empathy I would for someone I met organically,” she said.’

If you’ve been together a while, it’s entirely possible that he has lost his respect for you.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“But, Ashley, people don’t just lose respect for the people they love.”

Not true.

It is so easy to undermine an entire relationship.

I once called off a relationship with a guy I truly liked and had been seeing for about half a year just because he said one simple, yet completely ignorant, statement that changed the way I saw him.

He went from being tall, dark, intelligent and handsome to being a sleazy guy who loved to talk about things he didn’t’ understand, making him entirely unattractive to me.

SO, WHAT’S THE COUNTER TO SITUATION TWO?

Chin up, and repeat after me.

“I cannot force someone to respect me by demanding it from them!”

You have to decide if they ever respected you in the first place. Ask your close friend who spent time with the two of you together, because this is something that is hard to see from the inside of a relationship.

If you come to the conclusion that he ever did respect you, then remind him of the person you were. However, you have to do this in conjunction with giving him new reasons to respect you.

“But Ash, I’m being ghosted! How do you show someone something when they aren’t around?”

I’ll get to that in a second.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

5 - Situation Three - Doing You a Favor

Doing You a Favor – Spanning the latter part of the time you were together, there were most likely things that you did or characteristics that you had that bothered him. These culminated into a mass of things that worked like a kite string. Each one lengthened the distance a little bit more letting him drift further away.

Kite

At this point he could explain your faults and allow you the option to adjust. But if the men in your life are anything like the men in my life, you know that they like to let things build up.

I mean, women do this too, but we’re just talking about men today.

For example, it bothers my dad that my mom puts things back when he’s using them, like the remote, or a spice he’s using out by the grill. Now, she’s not trying to inconvenience him. She just likes a clean house.

He knows this so he doesn’t say anything, but it annoys him none-the-less.

There are tons of little things that she does that annoy the heck out of him. But one day, she does something that is just the icing on the cake. (Something that drives me crazy too.) She is telling him something and walks out of the room while she’s talking leaving us both trying to guess at what she’s saying.

rotating door

It can be quite frustrating. When she comes back into the room, suddenly he says, “I hate it when you do that!” then proceeds to list every tiny little thing she does that drives him nuts.

Then that’s it.

He feels better since he’s not holding it all in anymore. She’s left standing there shell-shocked wondering why he hadn’t said something at the moment she was doing each little thing so she could fix them right then.

It’s not uncommon.

They’re married though. He can’t just ghost my mom. (I mean he could, but he hasn’t so far, so I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he won’t. But you never know)

In dating it’s a little different.

For our purposes today we’re going to assume that he just decides that laying all of that on you is just too much for you to handle. That and he doesn’t want to wait around for you to fix all of the issues. But it’s clearly bothering him, and he chooses to walk away without an explanation and save you both the trouble of hurting your feelings.

SO, WHAT’S THE COUNTER TO SITUATION THREE?

Read Chris’ article on The Ungettable Girl. (I’ve including the link towards the end of this article for those of you who want to continue reading this article.)

Do everything you can to be the best version of yourself.

6 - Situation Four - Profile Overload

Profile Overload – We’re going to play off of something we talked about in Situation two, the fact that we live in a profile rich environment these days. It’s highly possible that, in culminating all of the reasons we’ve talked about, the little things that bother him, the growing distance, it’s possible that someone else caught his eye and he’s, yet again, saving you both the trouble of hurting your feelings.

In a Tinder and Plenty of Fish kind of world, it is quite possible you’ve been thrown back to sea, lost and confused.

Don’t worry.

There are plenty of us confused fish out there.

confused fish original

SO, WHAT’S THE COUNTER TO SITUATION FOUR?

This counter is the same as before.

Build yourself up to be incomparable.

AKA: Become the Ungettable Girl

7 - Does The Fact That He Turned Into Casper Make Him A Bad Person?

The fact is that ghosting leaves you devastated and him convinced that he’s done both you and himself a favor.

He’s saved himself the pain and anguish of having a difficult conversation, not to mention the possibility of having to deal with tears and drama. And he’s saved you the pain having to actually hear that he doesn’t want to be with you, for whatever reason.

And that’s it for them.

They go on thinking they’ve done you a service and move on with life. This means it hurts less right?

WRONG!?

Now you’re in forever limbo wondering what happened, a confused fish lost at sea.

confused fish original

(Yup, I totally used the fish picture again 😉 .)

Is it fair? Not at all, but as my mother reminds me incessantly, life is rarely fair.

So no, it doesn’t make him a bad person. It just means he’s a coward and accentuates the fact that he has a serious lack of respect for you, which you should definitely take into account since we’re on this quest to get him back together.

Usually the decision to ghost someone is made on a whim, sometimes without any actual thought at all.

So it’s highly unlikely he planned on hurting you this way. However there are men who actually plan the ghosting ahead of time.

It’s habitual.

They know, going into the relationship that this is how it will inevitably end. These men aren’t worth your time and if you realize this is a regular thing for him, I don’t suggest going any further in trying to revive the relationship.

Let it die. You’re life will be better for it.

Feel free to continue reading, this article though. Here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery, we talk about becoming a better version of yourself quite a bit. I believe the poet George Herbert once said

“Living well is the best revenge.”

And we definitely encourage that here.

8 - How to Deal With Ghosting

what do you do here meme

You have a few choices on how to deal with being ghosted.

So, here is what I am going to do for you guys. I am going to divide this section up into two parts.

  1. The Stuff I DON’T Suggest
  2. The Stuff I DO Suggest

Sound like a plan?

Yes?

Awesome

I DON’T SUGGEST: (Seriously Don’t Do These Things)

Texting, Calling, Emailing – Don’t go “bumping into him” or sending a Carrier Pigeon repeatedly and obsessively,

“Hey.” “Hey I was wondering…”

“You want to go grab coffee?”

“Me and some friends… want to join?” etc.

(This is how you get labeled as “that crazy girl he dated that one time.”)

The Rage Tornado – hurl insults at him through every type of communication you have access to

(This is also how you get labeled as “that crazy girl he dated that one time.”) It’s a BIG NO NO!

Don’t do it!

I DO SUGGEST (Do The Following Things:)

A Longer No Contact Rule

45 days to be exact!

The reason for the extension is, because if you stick with a short bit of time, you’re just agreeing to the terms he’s already set in motion, which leaves him in control. Keep the No Contact up as long as it takes for him to realize it doesn’t bother you.

Eventually he’ll come around to see why you haven’t come begging for him back like he expects you to do.

Take the time to work on becoming the best version of you that you can.

Check out this article for tips on becoming an Ungettable Girl.

Also, you should try and guess at what issues he may have had with you and address them. I cannot stress this next part, only address these issues he has if they are also beneficial to your journey to becoming a better you.

Don’t go changing things you like about yourself just to appease him.

Also, DO NOT use this as an excuse to contact him to ask what issues he had!!

You’re a smart lady… I’m sure you can get pretty close to an idea of what bothered him in the relationship just by reflecting on your time together.

Place yourself in his peripheral.

If you don’t know what I mean, try this.

Sit up straight and look at the wall ahead of you.

Without turning your head or shifting your gaze, think about the things happening around you. You still have a pretty good idea of it without even seeing it, right?

You can even tell what color the people around you are wearing. This is what I’m talking about. Even though he can’t see you, he’ll still be able to see what you’ve been doing. Make sure he sees what you want him to see.

Assuming you were together for a while, you have the same friends you share acquaintances. Let other people see how well you’re doing. Adjust your social media to reflect the improvements you are making in your life. Don’t put it on blast that you’re having a tough time, even if you are.

Stay Strong During Your No Contact.

However, if you run into him, keep it short sweet and to the point. Here’s a great article on the No Contact explaining all of it’s complicated rules.

9 - Consistency, Consistency, And More Consistency!

consistency

Once you achieve your goal and get him back, remember to keep your wits about you, it is so easy to fall back into patterns. Trust me, there is this one guy I went out with about ten or twelve times.

I was a sucker for him, because I couldn’t’ quite figure him out. He’d be a jerk and dump me and we’d go for months without any interaction whatsoever. Then we’d wind up in the same room and suddenly I was jumping through hoops like one of those froo froo show dogs trying to keep his attention and he’d string me along because no one else had his attention at the time.

It’s just so simple to forget yourself. It’s our nature to try and maintain a sense of continuity. We automatically try to be the person we were to keep from having attention directed at us. I know that if you put me in the same room with any of the people I went to school with, I may as well have braces and have frizzy hair again. By reverting to who you were, you’re missing out on having that moment when they look at you and say, “Wow! Look at this incredible person she’s become without me!” You have to stay conscious of the time and effort you’ve invested into improving your life so you don’t let it float away at the first indication that your prey may be falling into your trap. Maintain the better you! Your life will be better for it whether you get the guy or go on to find someone better.

You don’t even need to aim your efforts directly at him. You want to turn heads. Fight that urge to keep the attention off of you. Have all the eyes on you and all minds filled with one thought; “She doesn’t NEED anybody! We just simply exist to her.” I guarantee that if the people around you are thinking it, this notion will permeate his mind to and soon he’ll be grateful to be a part of your life rather than you feeling like you have to fight tooth and nail to be in his.

However I can’t stress enough how important it is to continue becoming better, despite him being back in your life. If you allow yourself to fall into old patterns, being the girl he obviously doesn’t respect you’ll end up right back in Ghost-ville.

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (180)

  1. Andrea - 0

    Andrea

    I got ghosted :/ So I have been seeing this guy for awhile and we saw eachother a week ago, he told me he loved me and everything I wanted to hear and I haven’t heard from him since. I have tried calling him, texted him twice and still nothing. then sent him a fb message asking if we could talk, in which he saw and ignored. So 5 days later I send him another telling him that what he is doing is extremely unkind, but he didn’t answer and didnt even bother viewing it. He has been active on and off fb all day so I blocked him on facebook. Was blocking him the right thing to do? I want to make my ghost realize he made a mistake and truly disrespected me because I also feel like he has been using me for sex. Will I ever hear from him again?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Andrea,

      was that the first time you slept with him? Dont ever sleep with him again if you’re not officially together if he ever talks to you again..are you going to do the advice above?

    • Andrea - 0

      Andrea

      No it wasn’t the first time I slept with him, he has done this same exact thing a couple times and I would like to get my value and respect back I would like to do the above advice, but do you think I will ever hear from him again?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      there’s a chance that he will, especially once he sees you’re moving on but more probably, sadly, it will be for a booty call..

  2. Ashley - 0

    Ashley

    He Ghosted me after seeing me a week ago and telling me how much he loved me. It does hurt. I tried calling him, I eventually asked him if we could talk in which he ignored. And then I told him what he was doing is unkind. I then blocked him on facebook. Do you think it was wrong of me to block him on facebook?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ashley,

      it would be better if you dont, but if you’re going to unblock him or not, proceed to nc but don’t send a friend request during it..

  3. Ashley - 0

    Ashley

    Hello, I really need some advice. My bf & I have been on and off for two years. Before he ghosted me, we were not getting along and we got into a big argument before I was going out of town. We had a brief conversation after the argument and everything seemed okay. We did not talk while I was out of town for the weekend and I contacted him when I got back and he started ignoring me. This was before christmas and new years he did not contact me at all. I went no contact for 30 days. On the 30 day he contacted me by calling back to back then texted me saying he misses me and I complete him, and has been thinking about me everyday and wondering if I am okay. He also contacted my best friend to tell me that he misses me. It is now day 31 and I don’t know what to do because I was really hurt by him stop talking to me and I don’t know his true intentions. I do want to get back with him but take things slow. Should I continue doing 45 days then contacting him or what do you suggest?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ashley,

      well, it’s not really a 45 days nc anymore because you already talked to him.. but if you need more time, just dont initiate..

  4. Allie - 0

    Allie

    Hi! I wrote in yesterday, but my comment doesnt show up yet…
    So, I was dating this guy for a couple of months (we made it clear early on that we werent seeing other people). Everything was great, but then I had to move because of a job. We talked about it and decided not to end it but see where things would go. First few weeks he was great – we texted every day and would skype once a week. The problem was, I got a bit clingy and he got a bit scared that things were getting too serious. We talked about it and agreed to take it slower. I decided to back off a bit and give him some space. During my second visit things seemed to be a lot better. But then they werent… at first it was just a day without hearing from him… then it was two, then three. No more good morning or good night, or how was your day? texts. During the first three months he was the one who would text first like 90% of the time, and then he just stopped. I would text him something casual and sweet, and his answers were short and less interested. He would take hours to reply, if at all sometimes. I decided to skype with him one day, just to see if I was reading into it but we never got around to it because either he would cancel or I didnt have time. He was obviously ghosting me. So I decided to just start the NC rule. I havent heard from him in 3 weeks. He didnt write on my birthday or christmas. What I want to know is if a NC rule even works on someone who has ghosted you to begin with? Especially since it is long distance anyways. Should I just use the NC rule to move on and stop hoping for him to get in touch with me?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Allie,

      Sorry, I just haven’t reached your comment yet.. There’s no guarantee that the nc rule will work but that’s still a better choice than chasing and it’s the same process to moving on, so if you decide to move on after it, that’s ok..

  5. Allie - 0

    Allie

    Hi! So I was dating this guy for 2 months (we agreed early on that we weren’t seeing other people). Everything was great but then I had to move because of a job. We decided not to end it and see how things went. The first few weeks it was great – wed text every day, skype once a week. Then we got into an argument because he felt a bit pressured – I was being a bit clingy and demanding and I admit it. I tried to give him some space and it seemed to be working. But after the last time I visited things were just off. He no longer texted every day, wouldn’t ask how my day was, never suggested skype. One day turned to two, and then three without hearing from him. If I texted then he would wait hours to respond when usually he’d answer right away and his answers were short and uninterested. I asked to skype (not in a serious ‘we need to talk’ kind of way though) and he said sure but then he’d cancel and only once asked to reschedule. And again, he didnt text at all that week. Eventually I cancelled on him because he just didn’t seem to care anymore.
    I decided to start the NC rule after that and it’s been 2 weeks. He didnt write for my bday or xmas. My question is if I should just do the NC rule to get over him and move on or do is there still a shot?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Allie,

      Sorry, I just haven’t reached your comment yet.. There’s no guarantee that the nc rule will work but that’s still a better choice than chasing and it’s the same process to moving on, so if you decide to move on after it, that’s ok..

  6. Marie - 0

    Marie

    I tried to post earlier, but I don’t see my comment. I’m deeply hurt and confused. I’ve been seeing someone for nearly a year and three weeks ago, he went radio silent. No response to text messages. I left him two voicemails. Nothing. I was really starting to care deeply for him and trust him and I’m stunned. He’s quite a bit older than me but that didn’t matter at all to me. We had a great connection and insane chemistry, he was always so sweet and caring. I stumbled across your website and started the no contact rule (tomorrow it will be 2 weeks). Yesterday he texted me to see if I was at work and I didn’t respond. I’m just not sure what to do. Do I respond and find out what’s going on or where I stand and then go from there or continue the NC?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Marie,

      finish nc.. How much are you improving? are you active in posting in social media?

  7. Marie - 0

    Marie

    I’m really at a loss of what to do. I’ve been seeing a man for nearly a year and three weeks ago he ghosted me. No response to texts or calls. I stumbled across your sight and began the no contact rule almost two weeks ago. Yesterday, he texted me to see if I was at work and I just didn’t respond because I’m not sure what to do. On one hand, he never said anything to me so I have no idea where I currently stand or if he decided to see someone else or if he got in some freak accident (kidding…I do not think this is the case). At any rate, I’m not sure what I should do. Should I respond to see what’s going on and where I stand and then go NC, or should I continue no contact and then go on with winning him back from there??? Please HELP!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Marie,

      finish nc.. How much are you improving? are you active in posting in social media?

    • Marie - 0

      Marie

      Hi Amor,

      I’m feeling a lot better. Very busy with the social activities of the holiday. I’ve taken up running again and mentally feel so much stronger. Treated myself to a new hairstyle and feel really confident in my new look. I’m active on social media but he’s not on social media at all. Not sure how that helps.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      continue to be active in nc because you’ll never know if he checks that through a different account.

  8. nikki - 0

    nikki

    Hi…i am so confused and deeply hurt. After 4 and a half years…I believe i just got ghosted. On Nov 8th…my bf went to work..and never came back. previously…he has disappeard for a night or two while he uses meth…but always comes back, and cries his face off that he knows he needs help and that he loves me and is so sorry. After he didnt return after 4 days..i became very very worried…cuz who knows what could have happend…(he has no cell phone by the way) so i texted all his friends and none of them have seen him..and start calling and texting me often to see if he has returned. The man who provides free drugs for my bf..never responded to my text…(mystery solved) so..i tell him again PLEASE REPLY TO ME..EVEN JUST TO TELL ME “YES FINE LEAVE ME ALONE” i just wanted to know he was ok…and no reply….after 5 days…i go to the police station and file a missing persons report… cuz well..yeah he was missing..i asked everyone…havent heard from him AND he has never EVER done this before…

    i dont really have social media but friends do..and was told that the man who provides free drugs wrote on my boyfriends brothers facebook (my boyfriends family and i dont speak..EVER EVER…in fact..they have all showed up at my house two years ago..threatening to kill me and my mom cuz they were drunk or something..they resent me cuz my bf always picked me/chose me over them…(who wouldnt) ) his comment said ” ______(name of my bf) said that his stalker ex gf filed a missing person report and is telling people he OD’d cuz he wont return her calls or go back to her house lol”

    my heart dropped and i died. 1)EX???? WE NEVER BROKE UP. 2) calls??? he has no phone how can he get or return calls? 3) I NEVER EVER MENTION DRUG USE TO ANYONE cuz i dont wanna get him in legal trouble.

    i could not believe whati read…if this free drug give away man can go on facebook..why couldnt he just text me back saying “hes alive. go away” or something? so i didnt sit around for 4 days thinking my bf was dead or not okay.

    I was also in contact with my bfs bosses…who had told me he had not cashed his check…after a week..and when he left my house that day he had no money…

    something just wasnt right… how could he not come home after a week, not contact me a week, and not have any money??? they said when they saw him last time (he only works 1 day a week) that he seemed fine… we kept in touch and they told me they would text me rather he shows up for work this week or not. they never did..so i call…and they said “no…he didnt show up..but he did leave me a message that said for us to tell you not to call her anymore” and hung up on me.

    OMG OMG OMG…my world crashed yet again..what? how? why??? really???

    at this point…i thought it was the free drug giving man who was just texting and facebooking people whille my bf was high out of his mind on meth…(cuz a few days before i saw him last…he was so high it was scary….and if he got higher..i could only imagine)

    He had been telling me for 4 years..and latley as welll how much he loves me..hed be lost without me…that he literally needs me and KNOWS that no matter what problems we have…its me and him forever and he doesnt ever see himself without me. and i feel the same. he lived me with. and even now..ALL of his clothes are here.

    Come to find out…he wasnt too high to go to the police station..which isnt far from my house…to inform him that he wasnt missing…*another huge blow to my heart*

    WHAT HOW OMG

    I still have not heard a word from him. and i am completly broken..hurt…and just…the worst i have ever been. WHAT HAPPEND? why is he doing this? is it reallly over? how can he stop loving me over night? will he back back? has he even thought about coming back?

    i miss him so much…and i would DO ANYTHING just have him here again how it was.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nikki,
      we don’t advice going to abusive relationships. I believe you know it is an abusive relationship. You should move on from him.

  9. Shae - 0

    Shae

    I have recently been ghosted by my boyfriend. We have known each other for 8 years or so, a few years went by were we lost touch, but he spent time searching for me online and found me. It was like no time had gone by and our feelings for each other were still there. We professed our love for each other, how much we missed each other and talked every day and messaged each other thruout the day. He pursued me more with his daily ‘I love you’ and “I miss you”.

    One week he went out of town. That week I ran out of my anxiety meds (which he knows about my anxiety as he has it too). The withdraws were bad causing my anxiety to skyrocket to levels I have never experienced. While he was gone, I didnt hear much from him – which was no the norm. My anxiety was bad and I began blowing up his phone – and thinking his silence meant he was leaving me. He has promised me over and over of his own accord, he would never leave me and certainly would never behave in a way to ghost me.

    When he got back. He ghosted me. I began to panic as this had not happened to me. I refused to answer my calls or respond to voice mails or texts. Completely just ignored me. As a human being who loves this man I kept blowing up his phone. I did not know the proper way to respond to a man who loved me just flat out ignoring me.

    I got back on my anxiety meds and ended up getting a text from him that my ‘behavior’ of blowing up his phone and making assumptions was just wrong and ridiculous. And it was making him reconsider his level of involvement with me. What? I could understand his stance, my anxiety was out of control, but it was not a reflection of who I am. He knew this. I apologized regardless for my ‘ridiculous behavior’. He made several promises to get in touch with me. Never did. I have literally been left hanging for weeks and absolutely devastated. I have called and text him – but not blowing up his phone. Every few days. He never said we were over. He never said leave me alone. He never said dont call. His last words to me were ‘we will catch up in a few days’. And that never happened. It has been 2 weeks now.

    Today he still refuses to communicate with me. He has blocked me everywhere. I cannot have a mature adult conversation with him because he will not allow it. I have zero closure. I have no idea if he still loves me or if everything he said to me was never true. He said he does not just tell women he loves them. He has only told 3 people ever – and im the 3rd.

    What do I do? We were planning a future together. He was moving near me (before we even got back in touch). I am unable to communicate AT ALL!!!! I am so distraught. Depression has set in. I made one mistake (blowing up his phone while having major anxiety) – and now im being punished forever. He has pushed me out of his life w/out a real conversation about any of it.

    What do I do? My heart is shattered.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shae,

      you have to be stronger and keep reminding yourself that you’re not being punished and that you have the decision and power to help yourself. Do what you need to do for yourself first before thinking about a relationship

  10. Jessica - 0

    Jessica

    So me and my boyfriend broke up 2 months ago due to him feeling he didn’t love me anymore, obviously throughout the time I tried to beg and plead. I attempted the no contact rule but failed every time and continued to try and get him to want to work things out. As a result we tried to be friends with benefits but we both agreed it wasn’t right. We tried talking and trying to be friends again, but all I did was talk about us and try and push it along further. So now he’s asked for space, he never said how long so I am currently starting the no contact rule I’m only one day in. But I want to know how I go about this, do I wait for him to contact me eventually ? or do I continue to do no contact until he finally contacts me even if it is longer that 30 – 45 days ? I really want me and him to be able to work things out, I don’t want to make anymore mistakes.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jessica,

      the more you do the no contact rule, the less it can help you. So, it would be best if you stick to 45 days.. after that you can initiate but you have to be active in improving yourself. Make it seem you’ve accepted and moved on. Don’t do it just for the sake of staying silent..

  11. Krstie - 0

    Krstie

    Hey guys…soo I think I have been ghosted.I have been seeing this guy since end of August. We never had the exclusive talk and I never took down my online profile. Anyway last week he asked me to do something on Saturday so I got sick on Thursday like swollen glands and all. So he left me chocolates on my door..chocolates I dont like like and he does so that was weird. Anyway because I felt so bad we talked about canceling saturdays plans…so Saturday I actually felt really good and it was my kid free weekend so I was bummed that even though we cxld he didnt say hey why dont i come over and watch a movie. Anyway I didnt really hear from him except he said he wasnt feeling well and he was just relaxing…then nothing for the rest of the night..I believe he didnt have his kids either. So Sunday he text me Hey what are you guys up to? I respond not my weekend with the kids. He responded Oh sorry forgot. So I was kinda annoyed and pissed so I didnt respond or text him and guess what he didnt contact me either. mind you we usually text all day long and talk at night. Hes been very supportive and kind in some ways. Soo I texted him Thursday because I quit my job that was making me miserable. So I texted and said Soo I quit my job. He did respond saying OMG what happened I am at an event. So I told him and I said I almost didnt reach out because I havent heard from you. he said Sorry this week has been crazy(total excuse to me) I said dont be sorry. You don’t have to make things up. we went back and forth about my new job and I said I dont want to bother you enjoy your event. He texted again and i responded but then he didnt reply and I havent heard from him since? I am a little hurt I would have thought at 47 he could hae sent a text hey not feeling it anymore I am sitting on doing nothing but I dont even get it was this a ghosting did he think i was ignoring him..I kind of was but fully expected to hear from him. Let me know your thoughts and what I should do at this point. Do I just move on?
    ThanksI had submitted this last night but my comment disappeared ?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kristie,

      I think you’re not understanding expectations here. What are you two really?

  12. KB - 0

    KB

    Hey guys…soo I think I have been ghosted.I have been seeing this guy since end of August. We never had the exclusive talk and I never took down my online profile. Anyway last week he asked me to do something on Saturday so I got sick on Thursday like swollen glands and all. So he left me chocolates on my door..chocolates I dont like like and he does so that was weird. Anyway because I felt so bad we talked about canceling saturdays plans…so Saturday I actually felt really good and it was my kid free weekend so I was bummed that even though we cxld he didnt say hey why dont i come over and watch a movie. Anyway I didnt really hear from him except he said he wasnt feeling well and he was just relaxing…then nothing for the rest of the night..I believe he didnt have his kids either. So Sunday he text me Hey what are you guys up to? I respond not my weekend with the kids. He responded Oh sorry forgot. So I was kinda annoyed and pissed so I didnt respond or text him and guess what he didnt contact me either. mind you we usually text all day long and talk at night. Hes been very supportive and kind in some ways. Soo I texted him Thursday because I quit my job that was making me miserable. So I texted and said Soo I quit my job. He did respond saying OMG what happened I am at an event. So I told him and I said I almost didnt reach out because I havent heard from you. he said Sorry this week has been crazy(total excuse to me) I said dont be sorry. we went back and forth about my new job and I said I dont want to bother you enjoy your event. He texted again and i responded but then he didnt reply and I havent heard from him since? I am a little hurt I would have thought at 47 he could hae sent a text hey not feeling it anymore I am sitting on doing nothing but I dont even get it was this a ghosting did he think i was ignoring him..I kind of was but fully expected to hear from him. Let me know your thoughts and what I should do at this point.
    Thanks

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kristie,

      I think you’re not understanding expectations here. What are you two really?

    • Kristie - 0

      Kristie

      We were dating. We texted and spoke everyday since end of August. And then one day nothing. So did I think he was my boyfriend no but we were dating and talking and seeing each other regularly.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hmm.. ok.. I agree, you’re dating but you’re not actually exclusively girlfriend boyfriend right? I understand now, that it’s normal that you have those expectations but I think it could have been resolved by talking first. Because he doesn’t know what you want. I don’t think he’s ghosting you yet. Maybe he just doesn’t have anything to say after your last text. Talk as calmly as you want. Talk to him as if you understand that he doesn’t know what you want. So, now, talking to him is your way of communicating your needs.

    • KB - 0

      KB

      Hi Again,
      ok so he texted me that he was calling me tonight. I am pretty sure this is an official we arent see each other call. He has been cold and careful not to lead me on. Even when I texting him that I missed kissing him ugh I know. So part of me doesnt want to anwer tonight because i am just going to feel worse about it after he tellsme he doesnt want to see me anymore. I can’t imagine after him basically going no contact for 2 weeks that anything good is going to come from this convo. So could you please advise? Should I just ignore the call and move on or if I answer I really don’t know how to act I feel like I will be pretending I am fine and will hang up and cry. I hate this things were really good between us…I do have a lot of personal things going on but I try to keep as best I can a handle on them..things I have to deal with since my divorce. Please advise me…

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It would be better to just face it than avoid it.did you?

    • kb - 0

      kb

      Hi So he never called that was this past Tuesday. Then I received a Happy Thanksgiving text from him saying he hopes me and my girls have a nice holiday. Then says I know I owe you a phone call I promise I will give you a call next week and we can catch up.
      I just ignored it I didnt reply. I don’t know what he expects from me. he basically dissapeared from my life for the past 3 weeks so yeah I guess we are done. why he keeps saying he’s calling me I don’t know. I am just going to focus on myself maybe try to date and move forward unless he ends up on my doorstep..and I am pretty sure he won’t.

    • kb - 0

      kb

      hi so did I do the right thing by ignoring his Thanksgiving text? I just don’t know what to do if he called I wouldnt be rude but I know he isnt and I guess I didnt reply because I didnt want to seem like I cared. Things seemed good between us I really don’t know what happened. btw Thank you..forgot to say that. I just feel like I need him to reach out to me more then a Text on Thanksgiving.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome! Yes, you did. Because at least it helps to implement that you don’t need that phone call. If it’s an emergency, he would text it.

  13. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Me and this guy had been dating for a year and a half now. We both had agreed that we didn’t want to be a serious relationship yet and we just enjoyed being with each other. But then over the last 6 months, he started ghosting me. This was also around the time that he started getting closer to one of my friends and he used to hang out with her sometimes. But I wasn’t really threatened by it or anything. But we suddenly broke up about a month ago, when we had a long conversation on text where he said that he doesn’t see this going anywhere. Throughout the whole conversation, I did beg and plead for him to re-consider and give it another try. But he was adamant and I gave up and accepted it and we broke up that day on fairly friendly terms. He said he wanted to be friends but I went into No-Contact soon after the breakup. And it worked very well! He kept trying to contact me. After 3 weeks, he contacted me saying he wants to talk and we met up. He apologised and said he wanted to work it out. I was really happy, and we were having a good time and understanding each other. But then, I brought up some topic which involved his best friend and he left saying he wanted to think about it. After that , he’s ghosting me again. He won’t initiate any conversations and his reply to my texts are very short and he doesn’t try to keep the conversation going. Also, I feel very upset that I am not able to make him smile, he doesn’t confide in me or come to me for comfort like he used to. Instead, I’ve noticed that the friend of mine who he has gotten close to over the last 6 months is easily able to hold conversations with him and even make him laugh and he texts her sometimes. I feel jealous and abandoned. It doesn’t really feel like I’ve gotten him back. Also, I try to give him space and not text him, but it doesn’t seem to be having any effect. He hasn’t contacted me after our last conversation. Giving him space is not working the same way No-contact after the breakup was. What do I do to make him come to me again. It feels like if I ignore him, he just won’t notice or care. Also, meanwhile he seems to be getting closer to my friend. Maybe he’ll just forget about me if I ignore him. I don’t now what to do. I just feel sad that even after getting him back, it feels like he’s not here.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,

      I think he felt attacked when you asked him abouy his best friend,it’s like he was confronted.. the good thing is you got him back, it wont be awkward to invite him out and have fun.. jusr do it.. set aside any inquiries you have..be like his best friend

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      I really do want to be his best friend and get him to be comfortable with him again….but he doesn’t give me much time or attention….Never initiates conversations or asks to meet up….how do I get him to be comfort able with me again? He’s kinda ghosting me after we got back together!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you have to initiate..and you have to be patient, if he doesn’t agree for the first or second time, don’t get angry.. because if he did lose feelings for you, he’s just waiting for a reason to break up with you again.

  14. Jaimy - 0

    Jaimy

    Hi amor, we were not engaged we were talking about it a long time and then jn february he told his family. In my culture if you introduce the marriage talk to the families, It shouldn’t take long before the man has to ask the woman for her hand in marriage. I think he felt pressured. Because his family was also pressuring him to set a date. So you think he ghosted out of pressure? What do you advice me to do? It has been almost 3 months of no contact. I miss him very much and i don’t know what to do. Sometimes i think i should just move on. How can somebody be with you for so long and be so cold? If someone loves you they can’t be this harsh right?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah.. that’s the only clear reason from you story.. It looks like you have a small but even if it has been 3 months since you’ve talked, were those three months focused in improving yourself? Because if he doesn’t want to get married, then he wouldn’t talk to you if he thinks you haven’t moved on.. If he thinks you have moved on and you’re just being friendly, there’s a chance he might answer you texts.. So, even if it has been three months, try to do a month of solely improving yourself, and starting a new routine. Be active in social media. And then after a month, initiate contact with him. Just be friendly.. Try the recommend first contact text in the site..Check the link for the first contact text..
      EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

  15. Jaimy - 0

    Jaimy

    Hi Ebr, i need your advice. I’m from the netherlands so excuse my english.

    I have been with someone for 4 years. We were in a serious and good relationship and at the point of getting married. He told his family about it and i told mine and we were verru happy. Then i noticed he was getting a bit scared of the idea of this commitment. He would tel me that he freaks out and he stretches out dates with my family etc. He sometimes would go no contact for days and one time for 3 weeks. When he got back he would be sincerly sorry. Last time I told him it’s time to make a decision. Move forward or go our seperate ways. He said he wanted to grow old with me the rest of his life etc and doesn’t want me out of his life. But he just doesn’t know why he feels so scared. Anyway suddenly he ghosted on me. We were fighting and made up. After that He told me he would text me when he finishes his work and i never heard from him again. He turned his phone of. He doesn’t return my emails. I went to his house twice and didn’t find him home. I talked to his family and they don’t know why he’s acting like this. When they drop my name he doesn’t engage in the conversation. So it’s been 78 days. I’m going trough hell and am so sad. I think i’m not ever going to get an explanation why. How can someone be so cold. it’s like i never excisted. What do you think of this? Do you think i will ever hear something again?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jaimy,

      You were engaged? Or it just happenened that you talked about the future and you shared it with your families? I think he just doesnt want to get married soon.. He wants to marry you someday but not now, he felt pressured

  16. Daisy - 0

    Daisy

    Thanks for responding Amor. He ghosted me this last Monday night when he said he’d call. And he didn’t, and I have t heard from him since. Should I just met him go then?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      For me yes, but if you really don’t want to give up.. At least do a proper no contact.. do 45 days.. and just focus in improving yourself during and after no contact..

  17. Daisy - 0

    Daisy

    Hello, is anyone from the EBR team going to respond to my scenario please?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Daisy,

      sorry for the late reply..I havent reached your comment yet.. anyways, you became a text gnat at the end of the relationship, which was a bit normal because he was ghosting you but I think it would be better if you had just started the no contact rule right away..

      and when was that? how long has it been since he ghosted you?

  18. Daisy - 0

    Daisy

    My boyfriend and I have been together 6 months. We met online. We hit it off well, and we both are co parents. That brought a challenge bc our schedules were opposite, so when we became exclusive I was expecting to see him more and it felt like I was the one who was trying to figure out ways to see each other more than the once or twice per week bc we hadn’t involved our kids much yet. Just this past weekend I went on the dating site to disable my acct and I saw that he visited my profile. So I took a pic of t and sent him a texted saying that I saw him and being dace caustic asking if he saw anything he liked. His response was that someone from China emailed him and that according to logarithms he’s found what he needed bc I’m his high test match. Then he changed the subject asking what I was doing and about see in some movie. But of course an alarm went off in my mind so I started texting question after question on why he’d go on a dating site, and why would he would go on bc someone emailed him if this was normal behavior for him when he’s in a relationship with someone. He said it wasn’t what he usually does, and that he did it for no reason. Well, I wasn’t satisfied with that answer so I co rubies to text him more, he never responded for the rest of the night. So the next morning I co to urs texting and asking him why he was ignoring me. He finally responded to tell me he wasn’t avoiding or ignoring and that he’s been in meetings all day and asked if we could talk after work. I said yes and to please call me. He said that he would. That was Monday and I haven’t heard from him since, it is now Thursday. I’ve sent him some text and called him to no avail and haven’t received any response from him. So today I sent him a text saying that it appears the silence is his way of telling me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, and that it was ok but just lettin me know and being honest would have been cool. I sent him a few more texts after that. So I’m pretty sure I’m being ghosted. And, of course it hurts and I feel totally rejected. Thoughts?

    Reply
  19. Calli - 0

    Calli

    Hello,

    I have commented before on another thread, but can’t seem to remember where, so I’ll start another one. We’ve been on and off, hot and cold. I hadn’t spoken with him for about 3 weeks (your last comment recommended I wait one week until I contact him…I don’t expect you to remember, but just for reference). I texted him a pretty lame “hey what are you up to tonight?”. He has ghosted in the past, so I wasn’t sure I’d get a response. I walked away from my phone for 30 minutes or so. When I checked my phone, I saw that he responded nearly immediately with FIVE texts plus he tried to call me. He immediately told me what he was doing, said he ordered pizza, and wanted me to join him. I had other plans, but did eventually go over there, and…we did hook up (I know, I know). He had to work very early the next morning, so we didn’t get to spend much time together.

    Anyways, I texted him again tonight, and I’m not getting a response so I think he’s freaking ghosting again!

    Do you have any advice? Should I NC? Or should I give up on him since he keeps ghosting me like this?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh no.. it was a booty call… don’t do it again.. Honestly, I think you should move on.

  20. KayDee - 0

    KayDee

    Hi,
    I need an opinion on something . I was dating someone for 3 months things wernt going well as we were always arguing to a point he broke up with me. He then called me the same evening telling me he made a big mistake and it won’t happen again. We spoke about it and I told him we would talk about after I’ve come back from my holiday.

    Last Saturday I didn’t think was my last time with him. He invited me to his house and we had a long chat about what we both want but he also said that it would be a make or break conversation. We spoke about everything what I wanted and what he wanted . he suggested we go back to basics . I asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted to be loved . to be fair he is going through a lot . his granny is very very ill . His work is stressful and he is also getting ready for exams . He even asked if I was prepared to go in to this blindly by supporting him and I reassured him.I would
    I even suggested that if he needed space from me I would understand . I then told him that I needed to leave early for a family event. He was disappointed but clearly got over it . last Monday I went in to his Facebook and to my shock he unfriended me . I messaged and no response .. 🙁 I’m in limbo and I’m devastated….. I went on match.com where I met him and I saw he was online … He has mentioned that he would go online to see if I was online but this time it hurts a lot more 🙁 please help I don’t know what to do ….

    KayDee

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi kaydee,

      so you didnt actually broke up right because he took it back?

  21. Nara - 0

    Nara

    Hi Amor. Thank you for your feedback!

    We were practically LDR since few weeks into the relationship due to work and also sudden health issues involving his father.

    I cant contact him anyway as he blocked my nunber and social media so the 45 days NC should be fine and easy to follow.
    After that, what should I do?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      He has to unblock you first.. if you’re not unblocked yet, you have to extend nc..If you are unblocked, initiate contact and then slowly build rapport.

  22. Nara - 0

    Nara

    Hi.

    My ex of 7 months broke up with me by ghosting. It was a LDR so i cant confront him when it happened.
    It has been 3months since I last text him. He ignored all my calls and texts ever since.
    He had me blocked in Facebook and he even blocked my number now. I didnt beg but i did not exactly go NC the first month either- i texted him asking how he was doing etc.

    I am still in contact with his sister and she even tried to help me by telling his brother to contact me. Obviously he didnt like that.

    What should I do now?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nara,

      start the count of doing 45 days no contact. Thank his sister for helping you but she has to stop now. And then just focus in improving and healing.. How long were you ldr?

  23. Liz - 0

    Liz

    Hi,

    I had just been ghosted by a guy that I was dating for a year long distance. I could tell it was fading…but didn’t “want to see it.” We had an argument about a month prior which sparked the fade…but just about 2 1/2 weeks ago we were having a normal conversation then the next day he ghosted. I texted him about two times after and called a few. I sent him a message stating my feelings of being upset. I never heard back. It’s been about 2 1/2 weeks. I don’t believe that I will ever hear from him again. Out of sight… out of mind. I’m assuming he had moved on? Such a cowardly thing to do, and even if he did have issues with something I did, he could have communicated that with me. I’m just frustrated, and have it in my head that was the last contact we will ever have, which is upsetting.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI LIz,

      do you still want to try what’s advised here?

  24. M. - 0

    M.

    His birthday were yesterday and i didn t wish him all day or the evening when we were together with his friends watching movies. Actually he changed seat when i came closer and when he saw me texting he asked his friend to give him his phone to see if he had message..on purpose?idk.,i was a bit angry but later when i returned home i decided to text him happy bd.he replied the next morning.i didn t plan to send him anything else but later i changed my mind and i texted him “it was nice yesterday being all together like last year” he said yes it was,i put a smile face and stopped there.later at night he came with his friend but after some time sat a bit further like always,then went home.and then texted me “there s a guy that likes you, his name is … And add him if you want”. I said do you want that? And he said “i don t mind..basically he doesn t like you,he told me to tell you to add him on fb”… Why did he do that?? Does it mean it s really over??

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Maybe it’s just his way of testing you.. Just agree and say thanks. If the nc is done, it’s time to slowly rebuild rapport.

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I asked why did he asked him to tell me and he said i don’t know,what should I reply?…so I said ok, but what from now on??if he wants to ‘get rid of me’ and has no more feelings?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      act as if he doesnt like you anymore.. that means you’re reattracting him back..

    • M. - 0

      M.

      He didn t mention anything else when i said “ok,tell the other guy,thank you” he said only “welcome” and ended there.today they were at the football field practising and i saw him looking..later we were all together watching a film and he was asking from his friends their phone to send messages, talking about other girls etc.. And didn t say anything to me when we left later and i passed alone in front of him.. I was very angry,yet tried not to show that, but laugh,joke,be cool. But i don t know..i feel like he s not interested in me anymore.. What i can do??

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Start as friends again.. that means dont expect him to have feelings for you, but you’re going to create it by attracting him back.. So, that’s right that you didnt show you were pissed because you dont have the right to be pissed anymore.. dont be too available.. continue with your own activitied, so that you will be interesting

    • M. - 0

      M.

      Today i was out with some friends,guys only and he showed up ,talked with one guy that is his friend and he later told me that he was on a date with his friend and 2girls and they had sex,and that he likes one girl and dates her for a month or so,yet i didn t beleive it cause that guy likes me and has lied about me too.also said he didn t know the girl which is quite strange in a small community and he couldn t have sex im possitive about it because i know he s young and unexperienced and he cant on his own,let alone with a younger girl.. So he always tries to make me jealous or angry but don t do anything to get back together.. Or talk even as friends.. I don t know what to do or tell him really..

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just don’t respond to that. Take the high road..

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I m not sure how to treat him or what to say if i start a conversation because he seems like his not interested in me,i think he knows there was a guy that we had something but he doesn t look bothered,but if we re together i think he on purpose try to make me either jealous or angry..i can t understand really! What s going on? What do i say to him when he doesn t even greet me??

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think it’s because he knows you’re chasing him and he wants to keep it that way for now because it makes him feel good.. He makes you jealous enough to stay hooked and intrigued but doesnt engage because he’s not really interested yet to get back with you..

    • M. - 0

      M.

      yesterday was the same..when we started watching the film he asked for a phone to send messages to other girl and he and his friend that likes me were talking loud,saying things like “you’re a player”,”she’s your’s” etc…I was just staring the screen pretending i watch the film with a blanc face.then talked quietly with his friend’s brother..My biggest concern is that his friend and his brother both like me and try to push him into other girls so that he wont return,also lie to me so i wont want him…I don t know how to deal with this because nobody will help me.. and I don t know if he thinks I chase him. because his friend had seen me dancing and making out with another guy and logically has told him..right? it s all so messed up!So what i do??

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      As long as you don’t act flirty with them too, let them be. If he really likes you or he’s attracted back to you, he will pursue you.

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I’m just afraid he’s been brainwashed by them..they will tell lies about everything in order to get what they want.One of them last year almost made us break up like that..and I see that even if start talking more with other guys later they change,walk away and don’t talk to me all of the sudden..The point is that he beleives them because the are his friends and beleives that they wont do anything ”bad” to him, like take me away,or make up with me..But this is what’s happening but I can’t tell him because I will be the bitch and anyway he wouldn’t beleive me.right?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Don’t think like that.. Because the more you think that all guys are like that, the more you will get treated like that because you will act on that belief.

      Be consistent on who you are and what you do. Lies are lies and if you keep living the truth, it will show. If he believes more in the lies, then he’s the one that’s losing a good person, and you’re dodging an indecisive one.

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I see that he’s changed since last year…for the worse I mean.And I’m afraid because of them..So I just let it be and wait if he will talk to me again?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      For now yes. Rest from initiating. If he doesn’t initiate in the next two weeks, you can but if he keeps believing his friends, then it’s better to move on.

    • M. - 0

      M.

      Yesterday one of them was here with us and told that he caught one couple last night and then his sister said”ah i think I know” and whispered something in his ear and I think I caught the word ”brother”…and really there aren t many who would be in that place… I don’t know what to beleive…I haven t seen any likes or anything to suggest who that is.But later I decided not to go watch a movie with them.And I saw on fb that he wasn t online so the other times that i was with them he indeed did it on purpose being online and talk with other girls..I don’t know what to think, I ‘m very confused, I don’t understand his behaviour. And I don’t even know if should be friendly and greet him or not?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      be friendly.. if he’s really trying to make you jealous then you have to act like you arent

    • M. - 0

      M.

      well I try but I don’t know if I succeed it.and there are a lot happening I am not aware i think.Cause yesterday a guy whose friend and i did something and talk to us lately, kind of was ‘fishing’ me if i had a relantionship with this guy who likes me and lies a lot about my ex,me etc. and that made my suspicions stronger because I notice everytime a guy shows interest in me after a while for some reason stays away.So i denied but couldn’t ask more at this moment.But lately my ex and his friends came and that guy started saying things like my ex’s ex gf wants him still but he doesn’t reply to her and that he saw him last night whith a girl doing something..he kind of denied it but then he said yes,I think they both were joking cause his friend said that he wasn’t out last night but I don’t know if he hasn’t a girl really… I was just sitting trying to keep an indeferent face..later we returned home and he came with me and his sister,but without talking at all.. I don’t know if i sould like ‘inform’ him and the other guy what’s going on and that i don’t have a relantionship and are all lies? or what to do to reverse this situation and learn what happens behind my back?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      sorry M, I dont understand. Did you mean there’s a guy spreading rumors about you?

    • M. - 0

      M.

      yes, I am not sure of that, but last year he-I’ll call him X- went to my ex now,boyfriend then, and told him that i was out with another guy and making out.I was out with a guy indeed but did nothing at all,just talking..But this made us almost break up then.So i know that he wants me but i’ve said no to him last year and this year again and i’m afraid he might do the same things.Because he wouldn’t help me talking to my ex(that is his friend and his brother’s friend),but encourage him to find another girl.Then when one of X’s friends approached me and starting doing something,after one day stops talking to me and kind of avoids me.And other guys that came and talk to me ,later stop. Until one came and told me if me and X have a relantionship cause that’s what he heard… I said no but couldn’t ask more at that time..I’m just very worried if he says things to others and my ex as well,because these days seems very distand,I don’t see him,not even at fb..and i don’t know why’s that!?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Confront X, but I think it would be better if it’s done through text so that you have proof in case he uses it against you. And then avoid talking to him after that. Cut all ties with X, and avoid talking to any guy in their circle, so that he can’t whisper in that guy’s ear.

      As long as you’re not doing what he says you do, your actions will prove him wrong. It will come to a point that the people he talks to will even say that’s not how they know you.

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I don t go with him out anymore,I have to see him 2 days. But today I learned some things.It happened that this guy that was saying the other day that saw my ex with a girl and later asked me if i had a relantinship with X, came today and i talked with him.there were two of my ex’s friends there but left and later i talked with him alone..i asked about X and he said he heard that from someone else,probably because they saw us together. Then he said that the things he said about my ex were lies and asked me if i and him had something(he didn t knew), so i said that we had a relantionship.He said; ‘I asked you that because that day he(my ex) told me “you did well saying those things about me and a girl” and later I heard one of his friends telling him “she sure must have been jealous hearing that!”,..’. So it s proven he tries to make me jealous,that guy is very straightforward and tells the truth I m sure. But I don t understand why my ex tries to make me jealous but does nothing to be with me? He cares or not?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s more likely just because he feels good, like it makes him feel like a man

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I can t get it.. That seems he talks with his friends about me,why else they d say she must have been jealous.. And today that guy that my ex wanted me to add on fb because he was interested, added me himself,liked my photo and texted me also.. But now I left the village.I really don t get it! He is not goodlooking at all or anything and i don’t know if my ex wants to tease me,test me or he realky doesn t care…?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      maybe he wants to test you..

    • M. - 0

      M.

      My cousin as a boy told me the same thing but I don t understand why! Or what I am supposed to do? Ignore both? Flirt with the guy? Talk to my ex as nothing happens?wait until he talks?? I don t know..

    • ?M. - 0

      ?M.

      My cousin as a boy told me the same thing but I don t understand why! Or what I am supposed to do? Ignore both? Flirt with the guy? Talk to my ex as nothing happens?wait until he talks?? I don t know..this week i might go again to the village but what should i do?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Just be normal.. The more you act like you’re playing his game, the more he will play it on you..

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I rarerly meet him and he never talks to me,so i don t also..but anything else I can do?? To change this “you ignore me,i ignore you”??

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you bump into him, just smile. If you’re close enough just say hi. The more you act awkward or avoiding, he will too. Don’t make a big deal of meeting or bumping into him. If he ignores you, don’t be angry or react to him. Just let him. Let him take his time

  25. M. - 0

    M.

    At his birthday will be almost 30 days of not talking to him..still i don t know what to say or do because he rarerly shows up and he doesn’t admit anything! I don t know if he still likes me at all cause he said he didn’ t ,even so he seems jealous and when i am around hisnfriend he always shows up somehow..so i am afraid of rejection and i don t know how to talk to him or what i say…??

    Reply
    • M. - 0

      M.

      His birthday were yesterday and i didn t wish him all day or the evening when we were together with his friends watching movies. Actually he changed seat when i came closer and when he saw me texting he asked his friend to give him his phone tonsee if he had message..on purpose?idk.,i was a bit angry but kater when i returned home i decided to text him happy bd.he replied the next morning.i didn t plan ti send him anythingbelse but later i changed my mind and i texted him “it was nice yesterday being all together like last year” he said yes it was,i put a smike face and stopped there.later at night he came with his friend but after some time sat a bit further like always,then went home.and then texted me “there s a guy that likes you, his name is … And add him if younwant”. I said do you want that? And he said “i don t mind..basically he doesn t like you,he told me to tell you to add him on fb”… Why did he do that?? Does it mean it s really over??

  26. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    We were together for 1.5 years. Were looking at buying a house together, having babies. We got into a fight because I found out that he had been married 15 years ago and he never told me and he broke up with me cause I cursed him out. That was the first time I have done that. I apologize the next day but he was still mad. Waited five more days and text him. He said he did not want to get back together with me when I asked him. I told him I leave him alone and went into no contact for 30 days. He did not contact me during those 30 days. I text him after 30 days that I saw something and thought of him. He did not respond. Waited a week and text him again. Did not get a response.

    I am not sure why he is has not responded. I am not sure if he is angry that I went no contact on him or if he already found someone else. It just hurts that he has not responded to me. I feel like I have been ghost.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      Wow! he lied big time and then turned the tables on you on something you said because you were angry, when you have all the right to be angry!

      I’m not sure if he’s being proud right now or he’s ashamed and cant face you.

      usually after the third approach, we advice you to move on but for now, try to rest for two weeks before trying again

  27. CD - 0

    CD

    So, my ex ghosted me at the beginning of July. We had been dating for about a year and 1/2. At first he started being distant and then he just stopped responding to me all together. I texted twice to no reply and then I went into no contact mode. We actually had a great relationship and a not so messy breakup. Meaning I didn’t do the normal bad things ppl do after a breakup. I didn’t beg, text or call repeatedly. Although I thought about doing all of them lol. So I completed the 30 days of NC and then we started reconnecting again, talking and even flirting. So I felt like I was on the right track. But this past weekend one of my friends still has him on snapchat and she noticed he was venting on snap about a relationship not working out and mentioned he loved her. Clearly not me, but my guess was he tried to get back with an ex but realized it’s not working out. My friend told me about what she had seen on snapchat and of course I was hurt because I finally realized why he ghosted me. I honestly knew that a strong possibly but I finally had a confirmation. Even though we’ve been talking, we haven’t discussed any of the details of breakup at all. (I was under the impression I wasn’t supposed to until we actually met face to face.)He texted me yesterday and I left him on read. then he sent another message a couple of hours later and I responded with just a hey and then he sent another message but I didn’t respond and left that message on read as well. I was mad at the time and didn’t want to send any angry texts so I felt like not responding was the best choice. I was wondering what my next move should be?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cd,

      sorry, I just had to ask. If you had a break up, when did he ghost you? before or after it? and when did you actually break up?

    • CD - 0

      CD

      Hi Amor,
      He actually never said it was over. His way of breaking things off was by ghosting me. in general he doesn’t like confrontation, so he ignores things instead of dealing with them. I texted him a long cute message saying how much I missed and loved him, because he was being so distant lately and he didn’t even read my message until the next day and he didn’t reply. Then I sent a text asking if we were over and he never replied. I went on vacation at the end of the week and he suppose to take me to the airport and never made contact about that. and from there I just knew we were done. Even though we started talking I’ve never mentioned any of it. Before he ghosted me he used words like baby, honey etc but now it’s just a regular conversation.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok.. you said he ghosted you on the first week of july but you also said you did 30 days nc amd then now reconnected but you’re silent again.. so, I’m going to assume your last text on july was in the same week he ghosted you…

      and he also ghosted you because he tried to go back with his ex, you’ve been together for a year and a half so it’s either he used you for a rebound and waited for the right time to get back with his ex or he saw his ex and saw her as a grass is greener case..

      In either case, that means he has to see you as the better choice.. are you improving yourself?

  28. M. - 0

    M.

    So you think that too…some days ago it happened and i saw him with his friends passing from the beach.ipwe didn t notice each other at first but then his friend saw me,turned to him and he looked,i pretented to look somewhere else but then i saw as they walked his friend again tald something to him and looked back to me. Then the same afternoon he came to were i was sitting with his sister and our friend and sat and talk to them,then asked if he could send a message to someone but he couldn t so he left.. The other day he was sleeping to his friend again so they passed from the beach again and they came closer this time and his friend said sth i didn t listen but i heard him say “i don t want to”! And they passed said hello to my cousin and left…and then again this evening we were out and when i came to the table he left and he was all the time with his phone texting i think..after a while my company said we leave and i left with a boy first , then when the rest came he was together with one of his friends.. But after some minutes they left together..so yesterday his sister and my friend tried to bring me tohether with a boy.he was around and heard her saying some things,then he was looking at us i noticed and then i left with him for a bit and my friend said he seemed angry to her..the same evening while we were sitting out he came out of the house he was siting and said if he could come together to our car because we wanted to go toi a club the next day and he wouldn t come but changed his mind.then he called his friend and i heard sth about a girl that i ve noticed being around him all the time at the beach.so the next day i see him with her and her friends and when intalk tonhis friend he comes with that girl to check us i beleive and leave again.andnthe night finally he comes in the car with us but don t say anything to me or even lpok at me,but i noticed two times he came around and saw me having a great time dancing with my friends and that boy from yestrday too and i think he was bit down,not happy, my friend agreed to that, I don t know what to make from all these! I can t tell if i have any hopes or not or what i do ??

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      sorry for the late reply M. It’s a good sign that he’s looking at you but right now, instead of thinking if you have a chance or not focus on yourself first because after nc, you’ll have less time to do that.

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I try to look the best i can when i am out, work out a bit and also seem happy and laugh or talk with otjer guys.. Yesterday he was playing tennis at the beach with a girl that is following him always,i think he sit with her sometimes to make me jealous but i noticed that when she came,he walked away and when me and my friend came out of the water he came out too,leaving the others.then that guy that likes me came so i sat with him and talked and then we went in the sea again andni saw him watching. But in the night he wasitiing with us for a while but then he suddenly decided he will go out and hisnfriend told me that henwill come back with a guy that is hanging out with that girl and others. But my cousinnwhonwas there told me that he was avoiding her and that he asked one of his friends if he s having a girl or doing sth and said no.. Even so he doesn t seem like he s interested in me and i m sure he wont talk to me by his own. And soon it s his birthday and also i m leaving from here so i wanted to be in good terms at least ..but i don t see how?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      dont rush it.. you’ll look like you cant resist and just had to to talk to him.. and besides even of you talk to him before you leave, you’ll still leave.. one talk is not going to make the relationship better all of a sudden

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I feel i ve lost all my summer and maybe my last chance to do something .. And i feel like he s not going to talk to me again no matter what.his friends are very bad influence as well.he never stays in the same place with me and i wanted before i do leave have the chance to talk to him..in 7 days it s his birthday and i rarerly see him now so i can show myself and i don t know what to do now!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Regret of wasted time is another waste of time. So, enjoy the rest of the summer there. If you really want to talk, go ahead. So, that you won’t have another regret. Just don’t go begging to him

    • M. - 0

      M.

      At his birthday will be almost 30 days of not talking to him..still i don t know what to say or do because he rarerly shows up and he doesn’t admit anything! I don t know if he still likes me at all cause he said he didn’ t ,even so he seems jealous and when i am around hisnfriend he always shows up somehow..so i am afraid of rejection and i don t know how to talk to him or what i say…

  29. Sara Hart - 0

    Sara Hart

    hi there

    i have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months. about a month ago i had to move away for work. before leaving, we had a perfectly solid relationship. we were in love and talked 24/7 and were basically living together. we had planned to do long distance and figure it out as we went. however, after moving, things have been going very poorly and he is no longer making an effort. i am always the one to reach out and text throughout the day etc. i have asked him whats going on and just he says he is more busy at work than i am.

    i gave it a couple more weeks and nothing changed, so i brought it up again and we got into an argument. i suggested we take a couple days off and talk about it again after we’d cooled off. after a couple days, i reached out and heard nothing back….he ignored all calls and text message attempts i made in attempt to apologize for the argument and work things out. this was 7 days ago & i have never felt so disrespected by someone …do i assume he is ghosting me? are we broken up? does the NC rule apply here? complicated situation.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sara Hart,

      it looks like he is ghosting you…and yes, you should start no contact now

  30. Mary - 0

    Mary

    My situation is particuliar. I’ve been ghosted twice on the same day, different time by my unofficial ex-boyfriend via Facebook and text. I dont know where we stand and what to do either after what happenned 6 days ago (and no contact since).

    To give you a little picture of our relationship:
    We’ve been together since 10 months and it was a rocky relationship. He is an incredible man who do everything a good man do but he is emotionnally unavailable. Never talk about his feelings or how he feel. He do that with actions. He runs hot and cold. I will spare the details of the many impulsives actions or bad behaviours he had while running cold but I can definitely say I never let it pass, I confronted him everytime with constructive communication, openess, emotionnal self control, mirroring, setting boundaries, compromises and respect.

    Now the ghosting that made wonder where we stand and what to do:
    While I thought everything was fine between us, he suddenly unfriended me on Facebook without saying anything before his action. Worst, he did also deleted one of my friend too. (He didnt had any of my other friends on his FB). I had a feeling of what made him to do that but I needed to understand why. Three days before he unfriended me, we talked about our next date coming up and told him good night, and to focus on himself and his things to do since he has to deal with some issues and he also shared something on my FB the day before.

    I texted him “hey is everything ok? Is there any problem with me? I noticed you deleted me on FB when I wanted to share something. I don’t know if you did that because you wanted me to talk to you but if so, why not tell me? If we haven’t talked since 3 days, its because I wanted to give you some space to focus on yourself and your things to do”

    He replied “No, I don’t have a problem with you” . Then I asked ” Ok but why deleting me on FB?”. His reponse was ” because you are never connected and you didn’t talked to me the whole week”. What he said along his action was too much for me to handle this time. I started to lost my emotionnal control in some ways, bruised.

    I told him ” I don’t get it. It doesnt make sense. This isn’t even a reason to do so. You know I’m checking FB everyday and about talking to you, it was just 3 days ago. Im not the only one on your FB with your 200 friends who doesnt comment or post things everyday. Why deleting me specifically? I felt like you was playing games or trying to break up out of nowhere. It wasnt funny to feel that way. I can’t guess and understand what you want or don’t want, if you want me to talk to me or not because you say nothing. ”

    Instead of replying me back, he is ignoring this and confirmed he made the reservation about our date coming up. That’s usual of him to run away and avoid confrontation when its related with something he did and when emotions inside him can be awaken. Knowing this, I stopped the conversation and asked if we can see each other after his work because I have a lot to say. He told me to call him at his break time. I did and asked again if we can see each other after his work. He was avoiding again, I tried again until he asked “what is the matter with Facebook?”. At this point, I was litterally hurt to see how much he is careless, so emotionnally unavailable, how cruel it was to delete me without being honest and that I couldnt do nothing if he doesnt open up. I asked again why he did unfriended me, what made him do that for real. He said ” I already told you. You are never connected. I never see the green button that show you are online” . Now this as another reason. Green button… The pain was getting worst…. I told him since the beginning Im always in Offline mode even Im checking FB everyday since when its bothers him? I aint the only one either between his 200 other friends. Again, he repeated the same things, avoiding, lying by saying he did deleted many ( he just deleted 2. Me and my friend. How I know? His friend list is public).

    Then he switched the topic without answering and asked me a question: “when did I told you to not call me this week?”. As expected there was something that bother him behind his actions and reasons but still that hurts and it was unnacceptable for me. I tried my best to keep self control despite all and tried to make constructive communication until the moment I totally lose myself and I told him that I couldnt handle more, I couldnt accept this, I dont want to play more games anymore, etc. I was a total wreck at that moment. While I was saying all that, he cut me off saying “this sunday, i will pass to take my stuffs back”…. I hung up.

    He threatened to break up. This wasnt the first time he do that when there’s confrontation. Not long ago, I warned him that next time he will threat to break up, I wont hold him. (Before, I was asking “are you sure this is really what you want?”)… Not this time.

    I knew our relationship is over unless he doesnt open himself. I was so hurt. I blasted him by texting everything on what I feel, what I think, what I see, what I dont want and what I want with him, what I hoped…

    He replied back “call me”. I was so fucked up and heartbroken that I didnt want to call him.

    I texted again saying “the only thing you have to keep in mind on all my sayings is that you hurt me badly ok? And me, Im so mad for letting my heart open to you when I realized too late that you are not capable of doing the same. Im not mad at you for hurting me, consciently or not. I made the mistake to believe in you and us. I’ve always been alone without your support for all the shit we have been thought so for this one, I will be alone too. If you really want me, you will do the right things for real. Im not going to call you to hear you say its not your problem if I feel that way, Im not going to call you to hear you asking me questions of why I didnt talked to you past few days or whatever. If you really want me, you will give yourself in. You wont pass with cowardice, egocentrism, manipulation and a closed heart. All of you want is to run away from problems or anything related with emotions, leaving me alone to deal with, and you trying anything to forget and make it like it was when it was good between us and just have fun without yourself getting involved.”

    This is how it ended. He didnt texted back and he didnt confirmed for picking up his stuffs at my place. Usually he always want the last word, trying to get control or confirming to pick up his stuffs. This time, nothing at all. I didnt contact him either. I tried my best to focus on myself, been with friends, packing his stuffs in a box, etc… Last sunday, I was expecting him to come or confirm for his stuffs, I was even ready to leave the box at the door because I dont want to see him. I heard nothing from him.

    I wanted to contact him a last time to tell him this after Ive cooled down:

    “An action before a word does more harm than saying the truth. That words that arent true to meanings does more harm than saying the truth. Facing reality alone, keeping everything in itself and forgetting everything does more harm than facing that with someone who cares about you and to free yourself because the pattern will repeat and follow you all your life. Honesty and opening itself would have causing less damages. I would understand more of what you are trying to show me and I would react differently without blasting you. Its not you or unfriending me that fucked me up but how you did it and what made you push to do so. The rest got fucked up. Its a shame because you’re a good man and I can not do anything if you refuse all.

    For sure, its broken between us but if you have something to say about yourself on what I said and you are sincerely willing to work and change your behaviours , Im here. Other than that, its truly over. What should I do with your stuffs here?”

    I didnt sent him yet because I wonder if its worth it. If I should just let it go. If I should just send a text to ask when he want to pick up his stuffs. I love him, I want to give him a last chance and want to put an end on all that which is why I wanted to send the last message. One thing is sure, I cant keep his stuffs here for long. I cant keep hanging with all those questions in my head. The faster I get rid of his stuffs, the faster I will heal.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mary,

      if you will really heal faster when you give his stuff, text him that his stuff is ready and ask him when he would pick it up.. if he doesn’t answer, let him be and continue on your no contact period.. start to improve yourself and doing other things. If he contacts you for your his things during no contact, it’s ok to answer him as long as you only talk about his thing. Don’t talk about the relationship or your feelings… You should do 30 days..

  31. J - 0

    J

    Hi everyone,
    My ex asked me for a break 2 weeks ago, we were fine perfectly fine he got me roses that weekend and we spent the whole weekend together and then he goes home and texts me that he needs to be out of a relationship because he really need to focus on himself. We dated for a year and obviously our relationship had its ups and downs but it was all normal.
    I understand that he has so much going on in his life right now but also I wish we could work things out instead of him leaving.
    He said that he doesn’t want to lose me and that we can be together after he is done uni which is in December.
    I know its too long to even call it a break but I think is a break. Or at least thats what I keep holding on to.
    Last time we talked he said that he loves me and that wants to be with me forever but he thinks we really need this break that both of us are going to benefit from it. But what I dont understand is the fact that we haven’t talked in 2 weeks. I never begged (maybe a little when it just happened) but then I just said: “I love you so much that i am letting you go”. I know he loves me but honestly Im so sad guys. So I been reading all the articles and I been doing the no contact rule for 16 days, he hasn’t contact me tho. Guys what should I do?
    I’ve been just focusing on myself and trying to be a better person and reading all the articles but I need personal advice since I feel like my situation is completely different than most of them.
    Also his birthday is coming on in a couple days and I dont know if I should text him or what to text.
    Thank you so much it means so much

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      j

      nope, don’t greet him.. what bew things are you doing? you should start a new routine now..are you going out with friends?

    • J - 0

      J

      Hi amor
      Yes I’ve been going out with friends and spending time with my family and going to the gym everyday and just staying distracted as much as I can. I feel better, but I miss him so much and I can’t stop wondering if he is ever going to come back 🙁 that just breaks me.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s normal.. add on meeting new people too because that’s very important.

  32. Amy - 0

    Amy

    Hey team 🙂
    I would like some help! I had been seeing this guy for a few months and it was going amazingly he seemed so into me messaging me constantly saying all this sweet stuff and treating me so well in person. Suddenly he starts to get distant and eventually just doesn’t reply to my messages. After a few weeks he suddenly texts me saying sorry for being an idiot and asks how I’ve been and messages me on several different social media platforms but I only respond on text asking why he ignored me to which he said he doesnt know so I ask why he’s messaging me now to which he ignores. Another week goes by and and I get drunk and mistakingly message him a message on snapchat which apparenltly didn’t make sense. He then starts texting me saying he misses me loads (I don’t say it back i just say it’s his fault for acting up) and he then says he wants to take me out and I suggested an aquarium and he said he’d take me out the week after next because I said I was busy that week. We exchanged a few more messages before he then ignores me AGAIN. It’s been 2 weeks now and still no sign from him. What should I do?!! I really want him back I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him, please help!!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Amy,

      he’s hot and cold.. try to do 45 days no contact. Improve yourself, get busy, go out with friends and then initiate contact

    • Amy - 0

      Amy

      So should I initiate contact or wait for him to? And what should I say? Thanks for your help

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, initiate contact after 45 days and then use a topic that he always loves talking about

  33. Mia - 0

    Mia

    Hi Amor and the rest of the Team and a big thanks for all your help!

    My ex ghosted me about a month ago. In June, I felt like our dating relationship was going backwards rather than progressing, and long story short I brought up that I wanted to take a break and cut things off. He genuinely seemed disappointed and said he didn’t think our relationship was one-sided or that it was a good idea to cut contact, but agreed to do what I thought was best. A week later we met at an event and I offered him the opportunity to talk things through in a couple of weeks. He was happy and receptive to the offer then but never contacted me to confirm any plans within the time window I’d given. Afterwards, I texted him with a bit small talk; the topic of reconnecting wasn’t brought up and his tone was now suddenly serious and brief and the conversation ended quickly.

    Since then, I’ve been in NC for 25 days. I have no intention to end it any time soon or start texting him again myself after the past events. I’m sure we’ll have our next run-in at some event either later this month or in September. I’ve worked on myself and on living a great life in the meanwhile. Heck, I’ve even bungee jumped, which knowing him should earn a lot of interest and respect if/when he gets to hear about it (sadly, I have no action pics for social media)! I’ve also posted a great new profile picture on fb according to Chris’s guidelines in another article, which racked in attention. Even my ex liked the photo – a full two days after I put it up, though I’m fairly certain he’d seen it before that since he had been online.

    Any reactions or advice on how I should continue from here and what to do during potential run-ins?
    I feel like we had a great connection and a lot of fun together in our ten months, but practical issues and mutual inexperience have made things difficult, and now the “who broke up with whom” feelings are surely confusing on both parts. I still hope to think he’d too want another try given the signs I’ve seen.

    Reply
    • Mia - 0

      Mia

      P.S. I have a terrible habit of misusing the term run-in, what I mean is that I’ll be running into him – hopefully no arguments in store haha!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mia,

      Thank you!
      I think you have a chance. It’s just it got complicated in the end.. maybe he got bored, didn’t realize he was neglecting you and then during the break he realized it.. not that the break caused the fall off of the relationship.. I agree that that’s the right move but right now, after nc should be a restart.. like start off as friends first.. coz he would probably think you are trying again when you reconnect, so you have to refrain from being angry or blaming him or any negativity so that he won’t think about the negatives of the past relationship

  34. Samantha - 0

    Samantha

    Hi Chris / amor
    I was with my ex boyfriend for 2 years and 5 months and he just breaks up with me and says ” I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore ” and we haven’t talked since then … I’m not sure if he ever really loved me and how do I get him back in my life I need your help ! Thank you for you time .

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Samantha,

      how old are you and him? You should start the count of no contact after this because even if you haven’t talked in a month, you didn’t start improving yoursf as well and having a new routine and meeting new people.. I think you should do 30 days

  35. M. - 0

    M.

    Hello!
    I am in a same situation with my ex..we had a relationship last summer which ended by him after 2 months i left (because he lives in an island village and i in a town in the mainland),because he wanted someone else as he said.. After a while he tried sometimes to talk with me on fb but i was negative until i deleted him because i though he on purpose tried to make me jealous.. Anyway after one month i move to the island so i visit the village once a while,his sister is my friend so we talk and i learn things like he looks ours conversations sometimes or that he never wants to listen about me..and also we meet with him outside but he doesn t talk to me,not even look at me..only the third time that happens to be alone he says hi and ask if we can be friends.. But for the next 2 months he avoids me clearly, hides in his room,don t come out with his friends.. About 2 weeks ago i come to stay in the village for holidays, i meet him and his friend in the beach ,he never talks to me,or even passes near me but i catch him looking at me at times,so does my cousin..after 2 days a friend of his talk to me and seeing me quite troubled asks if i am still interested and if i d like to talk to my ex.. He said that he liked me still since i was his first so i agreed..and we talked..he said he s sorry for what he did and asked if i d like to do sth with him,that je wanted to but not have a relantionahip.. I asked him to be clear and honest about wanting me,not cheating etc..he said he is..so we were together again, he talked to me on fb and agreed to meet me but yet in frond of our friends didn t do anything.. We met some nights we started argue because he acted like that and i thought he had another girl in his mind butbhe said no everytime,then one day he said that he doesn t want relantionship because he will be very sad when i leave like last year when he was crying,but eventually agreed that it was the same with or without relantionship, then we huged and continued makind out.then one morning he texted me that he didn t want anymorre cause other guys made fun of him beacause i m quite older than him..i asked to meet and talk and he started saying messed things like he cant do it , that he liked sex but he doesn t want anympre,that he wanted then but not no,then refusing ,then saying that he likes another girl ,then that he doesn t like me anymore suddenly..so i left him.later talked to his friend and he said that he had changed this year long and has changed 5 or so girls without having relantionship ever,that he din t want to do sth with me at first but when he said he would because he likes me too,the other one said yes.also that he s in love with someone else and said that i am ungly…but i don t know if those are true or not..but since he broke me up again he avoids me again, stay in the house or sit far away without looking at me.. So really…i have no clue, avoid someone,avoid eye contact even when you re together but being jealous..does it mean he has feelings or not??what can i do now??

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi M,

      he said you’re ugly? that’s disrespectful…right now, you live near him right?

    • M. - 0

      M.

      Yes .. We re in a village..his friend said that he didn t mean it,just trying to convence himself and others he don t want me.. I really don t know what to do.. He clearly avoids me,cause when i come he leaves, he started pressing like to other girls and his ex again but when i am with his friend he asks him what we do together or when he s around i catch him looking at me sometimes,, i know if i talk to him he wont admit anything but what else i can do ? I don t like being like this,.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do no contact. try 30 days and just avoid the places that you might bumped into him

    • M. - 0

      M.

      Well , i do bump into him even if i try to avoid it.. And we don t talk anyway,since he usually leaves when i come but i wont stay here for that long..soon i will leave and i wont return anytime soon..so i don t know what to do since no one will help talk to him … I am just told that he doesn t feel anything about me ,he s just jealous out of ego…i don t know what to beleive..?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if that’s so, that means he has to think that you have moved on later on so,that he would be open to being friends again.

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I don t know how..i thought i coukd try to come closer to his friend that he s jealous and he was jealous as he told me but should i continue ? Does he really care or it s just his ego?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s probably more his ego.. you have to be more focused in your own growth, not just in making him jealous

    • M. - 0

      M.

      I don t have much to do anymore and a very little time… i just try to look as gorgeous as i can when i am out,be happy and smile and laugh a lot when he s around..and today a very good looking boy was next to me talking and i saw that he was staring and then even come close to us for a moment but i don t know if it was to check or accidental.. But also we were talking with my conpany to go to a place and his friends were around. I didn t go out but i saw he and his friends went to that place i d go..again i don t know if its a coincidence or done on purpose..i really can t tell!could it be?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm the first one when he moved closer when you were talking to a guu, looks intentional

    • M. - 0

      M.

      So you think that too…yesterday it happened and i saw him with his friends passing from the beach.ipwe didn t notice each other at first but then his friend saw me,turned to him and he looked,i pretented to look somewhere else but then i saw as they walked his friend again tald something to him and looked back to me. Then the same afternoon he came to were i was sitting with his sister and our friend and sat and talk to them,then asked if he could send a message to someone but he couldn t so he left.. And today he was sleeping to his friend again so they passed from the beach again and they came closer this time and his friend said sth i didn t listen but i heard him say “i don t want to”! And they passed said hello to my cousin and left…and then again this evening we were out and when i came to the table he left and he was all the time with his phone texting i think..after a while my company said we leave and i left with a boy first , then when the rest came he was together with one of his friends.. But after some minutes they left together.. I don t know what to make from all these! I can t tell if i have any hopes or not or what i do ??

  36. Anon - 0

    Anon

    Hello Chris/Amor!

    I’ve posted on this site before. But my situation has changed a little bit. To recap, we were together for almost 2 years. We had a baby and he already had a son from a previous relationship. Things were great for the first year, but as it got closer to the baby’s due date, i think he panicked and he started being distant and not treating me very well. Also, he is a recovering alcoholic. We broke up before the baby was born and got back together a few weeks after she was born.

    He relapsed really bad and I begged him to get help. After a few months, he went 3 hours away to rehab adn stayed for 3 months. He would call a few times to check in and talk a little bit. But when he was done with the program, he decided to stay in the different city. He asked me to move with him but i didn’t think it was a good idea. I wanted him to come home. He got very angry and broke up with me. He would continue to call and text me. After talkig to him for a few weeks, I did no contact for 40 days. We started contact again and I moved from texting to phone calls and things were going great. But he said he wanted to come to town for my birthday weekend and see us. I got so excited! But i waited all weekend and he never showed. When I would call, hsi phone was off. I waited until a few days into the next week and called again, but his cell service was turned off!

    I’m pretty sure he’s gotten a new number. Honestly, that’s not unusual, he’s changed his number a lot but has always given me the new one until this time. It’s been 2 weeks since my birthday and I have heard nothing from him! I emailed him just saying things were good down here and I hoped things were good for him to and to call me when he could.

    I’m lost and I just don’t know what to do. Last time we talked, he said he wanted to come back home. But one of our mutual friends says he is now thinking of moving to a different state. I don’t know what to do to get him to come home to his family and be with me and his kids again. Please help if you can!!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anon,

      don’t force him… he’s got problems with himself that he needs to sort now..and I hope he is because that’s better than being with you and using you for emotional support and then not really doing the change..

    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      Thank you, I hope so too. I’ve told him so many times before that he needs to work on himself. I’m sure it’s hard for him too. Yeah that’s the problem, I’m afraid he could just be using me for emotional support.

      He finally called last night from a completely new number. He asked how I was doing, apologized for not showing up, etc. But then he asked if I was seeing anyone else. I havent been, I’m way too busy working and with my baby. So I tried to change the subject but he kept bringing it back up. So i just said I’m not looking to jump into anything with anyone right now, I’m too busy. Was that okay? He asked if I would be okay with him moving back home and I said I didn’t know.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s ok but him moving back too soon may not be the best option..

    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      You’re right. I’m just so ready to be a family with him again. Could I keep talking to him to keep up our rapport or should I give him more space? Thank you so much for your replies. It really helps to talk to someone.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he’s hot and cold.. so let him prove first if he really is serious.. you can talk to him but don’t move too fast..

    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      Thank you Amor! I tried calling him last night but his phone must have been dead or he turned it off. I’m going to give it a few days and try again.

      I understand that he needs to prove iit to me that he is serious. I just don’t know hwo to go about that. Do I flat out tell him or is there another way? I’m so sorry if i’m taking up a lot of your time!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      No, it’s ok.. just ask whenever you need to.. I’m sorry I didn’t understand. What do you mean by telling him? Telling him that he needs to prove himself? You can tell that that what you wanted to see but be observant too because he might ask what he specifically needs to do and he will do it but what happens when he’s comfortable again?

    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      Thank you so much for your help!

      I talked to him earlier today. He called while I was at work and we talked for a few minutes before I cut it short. I asked how he was after he wanted to talk about me for a little bit. He said he was good, work is slow, and then he said he was thinking he woukd just stay in the city he’s in instead of moving to another state or moving back home. I tried to react neutrally so I said “Cool, is that where you want to stay then?” And he went into talking about how it’s really hard to be so far away and he’s not sure if he wants to stay away. He kept saying “I dont know what the future holds so we’ll wait snd see”

      Do you think he used “we” to imply us like me and him together? I didn’t talk about our relationship at all, I only told him how much I liked my new job and the baby is doing great. I’m just confused, I don’t know what he meant by the future comment

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah I think he’s referring to you and him

    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      See that’s what I felt like he meant. I just didn’t want to get my hopes up.

      I just don’t know what I should do. I still want him back but I don’t want to push him or make things harder for his recovery. I heard from someone he’s having a really rough time by himself so far away. I wish he would have told me.

      When I talk to him, should I stay away from bringing up getting back together?

      You are amazing, by the way. Thank you so much for your help. You must be so busy!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      THank you! Yep, it’s not the right time to ask. Basically the best you can do is to have a positive image and keep being interesting. Don’t put yourself in the position that you are the ex trying to get back with him. Let go of that. Have your own life and be that person he would be curious to know more because whenever he speaks to you it’s just fun and whenever you don’t, he just sees you’re having fun.

    • Anon. - 0

      Anon.

      Okay so I snapped. I tried to call him and he didn’t answer but he texted. So I asked him to answer but he said he couldn’t. And I thought maybe he was with another girl. So I went psycho and texted that I needed him to talk, he really needs to be there for me, I’ve been raising our baby on my own and I’m stressed, then he texted thst he could talk later and a called him a coward and a deadbeat and told him I hated him. I realize I screwed up…I think I screwed everything up…

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Relax.. you’re human.. just let everything cool down for now

    • Anon. - 0

      Anon.

      Ugh. I think I ruined everything. I left him alone for a fee days after my freak out. I called him just trying to talk. He talked for a little bit about my job and stuff. And then he asked what was wrong the other night. I said well I don’t really want to talk about that and that I didn’t mean to be hostile but I meant the things I said (he hasn’t been there for me or his child). And it’s like he got mad. He said he was having a hard time and he can’t deal with me freaking out and he wants me to go out and have fun and date. And I told him I have been going out, did you think I wasn’t? And he got upset again. He said if I couldn’t handle our situation to not try to get a hold of him anymore. And then I just hung up the phone. BUT I called back and he answered…and we argued some more. No yelling, I didn’t get emotional or cry or anything. But we did argue. I told him I was upset that he’s running away from his responsibilities and I wanted better for him. He also lied to me about his job.he hasn’t worked in weeks. And then he hung up on me. But when I called he answered again. And I asked if you don’t want me to talk to you anymore why the hell are you answering me? And he said because you will just call again.

      I’m so sorry. That was long and sad. I haven’t talked to him in about 5 days. His birthday was Monday and I didn’t call or text. I don’t know what to do. Does it seem like he doesn’t want to talk anymore??

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      what’s sure is that he just wants you to move on.. and he’s tired of the fights.. In order for you to have a restart.. you have to start as friends first but if he sees that you’re just chasing him and picking fights with him, that’s less likely to happen.

    • Anon - 0

      Anon

      That makes sense. But this is the first fight we’ve had since May when he said he decided to stay away! After the no contact every time we talked has been fun and really good. Until now. And I kinda made it sound like I had been on dates, even though I haven’t had time, because I was worried he thought I was just waiting for him. I don’t know how he can go from missing me and wanting to come back home to wanting me to move on in 2 weeks. I was thinking I’d go no contact again for a few weeks until we both calm down at least

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah I agree

  37. kate - 0

    kate

    my ex said he misses me 2 days after breakup, next day said we could not speak for 6 weeks and that he would try to speak to me. 5 days later he never tried. one of my friends spoke to him and he said he knows i am feeling bad. even after my friend asked him if he wants to let me know he’s okay, he told my friend not to tell me anything. now i’m blocked. what is happening?..

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Tell your friend to stop talking to him about you two.. although she is being helpful.. I think he thinks you’re trying to talk to him through her..

    • kate - 0

      kate

      he deleted my friends and blocked them too 🙁

      i was only concerned. what now.

  38. VP - 0

    VP

    Thank you so much for this site. We were friends for a year and had a short 4 month relationship….that was good. really good. I got scared (my past) he pulled away and finally he said i was great, he needed to work on himself and his goals. I didn’t beg or plead (learned from my past). just told him he was a good person, i had fallen for him, i wish him the best etc. deep down dying inside. its been a week. I am only on day 4 of NC….i texted lasted week asking if he wanted some stuff. he didn’t reply, i didn’t either. Its really hard today. I think he is talking to someone else. And i feel silly that i feel so deeply and am so hurt by such a short term relationship. I love the 30 days no contact it…because I know at the end it gives me a goal to be able reach out to him (because every minute i want to tell him how much i miss him) and hope that we can reconcile or I will be better off and not even want to. Im keeping myself occupied reading and reading and re-reading all the articles and comments. Thank you guys so much for support.

    Reply
    • VP - 0

      VP

      And to add…I am 38. He is 29. He chased me. for a year. he was pretty smitted with me. always wanted me around. gave me keys to his apt after 2 months. and the moment i got scared, spoke up, it went to shit. And i tried to not be annoying nagging girl. gave him a lot of distance but was there when he needed me. I am thinking now that was a mistake. I was hopeful for a month we would get back to where we were and be even strong, and boy was i wrong. he ran. geeze this sucks. and how the table turned. i didn’t think id be the one to fall so hard. I thought i would be the one to want out. I just want him back.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi VP,

      thank you for supporting us.. well, at least you can give him space now.. It’s probably hard for you because you’re still in the honeymoon period

  39. Amelia - 0

    Amelia

    By ghosting, I don’t mean completely not contacting me as is described in the article. I mean reading my message and ignoring me for days then replying, then ignoring again…

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amelia,

      when was the i love you’s? is it only at the start of the break up and then later on he just basically continue to message you but not really said he wanted you back?

  40. Annie - 0

    Annie

    Hi Team!
    I wish this post had been out earlier. I mean I was ghosted by my ex after one fight. I tried to implement NC but failed after 2 weeks. I called him to request a clear end and he gave it to me, but after much consideration, I still want him back so badly. I’m on my 2nd week of NC again, and now reading this post, wondering if I’ve blown my chance off…
    Thanks

    Reply
  41. h - 0

    h

    Hey guys! All of your articles are so informative! I was hoping you could shed some light on my situation. I have written about my situation on here before. We broke up 2 years ago and since then we have been in nc, since then I have made a lot of improvement in my life. I changed my major, got a new job, been traveling alot, going to be studying abroad soon and lost a lot of weight. He reached out to me a couple of weeks ago asking me out on a date. so we went to the movies and our special park. He told me that he missed me and was thinking of getting back together. However, we ended up fooling around but i told him no sex and now thinking back, I shouldn’t have fooled around with him, because I feel like i lost value in his eyes. But after our date, we texted for a couple of days and he stopped replying 2 weeks ago. So i decided to reach out to him, so i texted him about a movie that we talked about on our date, but he never replied. He has been looking at my sc and stuff though. Now I feel like he’s ghosting me and I’m not sure why, because after our date he said he really enjoyed it and that he was always down for hanging out and that he really missed me and was thinking of getting me back. Could you please give me some insight into why he is giving me mixed signals and now ignoring me? thanks!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi H,

      I think it was too fast for him.. maybe yes he still has feelings but he doesn’t really want to go back and he doesn’t want you to expect more..

    • h - 0

      h

      What should I do from here? Ive been in nc for a week now. Do you think he will ever talk to me again? Everything he did and said seemed like he was wanting to get back in a relationship with me, but I think it was a little too fast like you said. What is your advice on what I should do in this situation? thanks!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think you should do either 30 or 45 days and then after that start with texting first, and then calls and then meet ups again..build rapport in texts so you can move up to calls and then calls for meet ups

  42. June - 0

    June

    Hi,

    We were friends for long years, I was his support when he had problems with his last girlfriend 4 years ago and when he left that relationship. Eventually, 1.5 years later, I left my long relationship of 9 years, too. There was always some sort of tension between the two of us and whenever there was an opportunity to be close, we wound up together. We used to work at the same company, so at any event we both visited, we ended up in each others arms. After we first kissed, he said he needed to get out of my life because he could not handle what happened (we were in the same friend circle, he and my ex boyfriend knew each other). We didn`t talk for almost a month, and after every major similar event, we broke contact. Last New Year`s I ended up sleeping at his place for the first time, and the next day he told me we would be so perfect if only we had just met somewhere out of the blue, but he still wants that feeling -so we moved out of each others` life. by the end of February, we were talking again, he reached out to me. After some time, again, he just disappeared. Then we met up again at an event, he said he was dating someone, but every day he missed me. We then started a casual relationship, something like FwB. But I could not handle it, so I broke it off in January. He came back and I told him, I am not able to continue, we either give it a go and have a normall relationship, ir I am not able to do it. We tried. We were together for 6 months and it was actually good. He left our company and moved to a new one about 2 months ago. I started to have bad feelings about a month ago, and I was sure he was talking to some other girls. Two weeks ago I sat him down and asked what was it about. He said, it just felt so good to talk to someone without any sense of `must`, because he was starting to feel that way with me like I pressured him. So talking to this other girl was sort of a relief. He also has narcissistic tendencies.. he needs to be complemented from time to time to get his ego stroked and I knew there were coworkers, too he was chatting to. Last week he went to a party with colleagues and I had a feeling he would cheat on me. He was distant with me even though I did everything for his comfort. So when I asked if he wanted to have a shower with me, he replied – he wasn`t sure. I was devastated. I came out and for the first time in my life I checked his phone. Found a conversation with a girl where she was just sending photos of her legs saying, `maybe one day you will get to know me..` and the colleague, it was pretty obvious from the chat that something happened between them indeed.
    So i gathered all his stuff, packed it up and sent him away. Asked if he ever loved me, he said he did, he still does, but is uncertain if that`s enough. he said he had no plans of what happened, it just came in the heat and that it would not happen again. I asked if he intended to date these women. he said no. Still, I sent him away and asked him to only ever return if he would honestly be thankful for me being in his life.

    We haven`t talked then. A couple of lines only. I told him I missed him, he said he did, too and it was hard for him but he didn`t know how to handle this. I said in time we will know, but for now it`s better this way. He said – I think it`s good like this.

    My question is… I was very shy and had absolutely lacked self-confidence. In a way, I almost think I created this situation with my panic and constant questioning. I know he is probably tired of me now and probably any other new person is a relief.
    I have called a psychologist to get myself back on track mentally, to regain my trust in myself. I have lost lots of weight in the past years, and I have evolved actually into a beautiful woman-but in my head I used to be the fat little girl and I could not escape it. I just understood all this when we broke up.

    Please can you help? I used to be his absolute gold standard compared to everyone else. But now I am afraid I lost this. What can I do to raise my value in his eyes – what if he never will contact me again? I am actively trying to better myself so that if I ever get the chance, he would see me as a beautiful, radiant, well achieved girl he used to love in me, with lots of self-love. I truly believe that would change everything.
    But what if he does not contact me anymore? And remains out of my life. What happens if he starts dating these women? Is he just filling up the void now? Is it possible, that now that he has gained freedom the women he is now seeing will lose their values in his eyes.. and I will slowly gain back mine? Like the grass is green effect? What do I do if he finds a girlfriend. Is there a gameplan for this situation?

    Reply
    • June - 0

      June

      Please don`t get me wrong, I am very sad about what happened and really want him to figure out his loss on his own. I am just a little afraid – is being in contact with these women a sort of safety net now so that he wouldn`t have to face the loss of what we established?
      I have loved this guy for years now. I have a very strong feeling that despite every cough and hiccup we would end up together if only I could give him a chance to see me as a new, changed person he always wanted.
      Is there a chance?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi June,

      don’t hand him the power of describing who you are and your worth.. if you’re doing great, you love what you do, you’re a good person but he still doesn’t like you then it’s his loss..

      One of the factors of insecurity is because we keep giving the right to define us to others.. Most of the people that are attractive are the ones who are not afraid to lose a person in their life when that person doesn’t fit their standards..

      they assess if they need to change something but they don’t let others have the power over their happiness.

      and also, shyness is actually of something.. it’s limiting.. you can be calm but firm.. but don’t let fear be the basis of your decisions.. it’s ok to feel afraid, we all feel that.. and sometimes it’s for our safety too but if it’s the reason that you lower your standards.. then you have to assess your situation and change your ways..

    • June - 0

      June

      Hi Amor,

      thanks so much for getting back to me so quickly. I am aiming to stabilize myself and to build back all the confidence I used to have in me. But I am still wondering, how I can let him know about my progress if we are never to meet again?
      If he finds a girl now is it likely to stay or would it be just a consolation, a rebound kind of thing? Is there a chance for the upgraded me to get his jaws to drop?
      What can I do for this to happen? Can you help on this? What do you suggest?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      social media helps a lot, mutual friends too.. when you talk or see to mutual friends they will notice your change by just seeing you.. you don’t have to say anything or ask about him..

      it depends on the situation if he will stay or not.. but don’t focus on that because you can’t control that.. focus on how you can influence him by your actions and how you live your life and how you think

  43. Ashley - 0

    Ashley

    Hi team

    I was ghosted by my ex boyfriend after 10 months of dating. I accepted it and proceeded with nc. A few months later it was my birthday which he tried to attend but chickened out of which I only found out about later. He would then see pictures of me and comment on how beautiful I looked etc but would be speak in an angry manner to his friends about me if they were going to attend any parties I was attending that he would want to attend aswell. Through it all I remained out of sight and passed no comment. One of the reasons I so easily went into nc was that I found out he had cheated hence him acting weird and eventually ghosting. I kept this knowledge to myself and he then found out I knew. I have no desire to date him again, I think his cowardice shows we can’t be comaptiable long term. What I want to understand is why he is so angry at me and how do I keep moving on? Lately I feel as though I am forgetting all the bad and remembering the good which I think is not good for my progress. At the same time I still feel angry and seeing his face on social media makes me low key mad. I dont want to feel angry because I feel dissapointed in myself for still having any type of emotional connection to him and want to be prepared if ever I bump into him face to face. Its been a solid year no contact and I just want to completely be free. Any advice?

    Thanks!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ashley,

      I think it’s just a facade that he’s portraying to his friends to appear strong and to mask his guilt.. just keep ignoring him, as long as he’s not hurting you directly, you’re all good. Be civil if ever you bump into him

  44. Kate - 0

    Kate

    Hi 🙂 I recently reconnected with my ex after 1.5 years NC, but while his responses sounds positive with with smiley face emojis, he never asks anything about me and most of his replies seem to want to politely end the conversation. And now I’ve stopped texting him again. Since I’ve moved to another country after we broke up, it’s hard to proceed to phone calls or suggest a meet up. How do I proceed from here? How do I build attraction from half way around the world after so much time apart? Thanks!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Kate,

      how long have you been texting him?

    • Kate - 0

      Kate

      Hi Amor! One text a day for about 4 days, NC again for a week, then again for 7 days after. I can sense from that he already knows a lot of the information on what I’ve been up – either he’s been looking at my fb or mutual friends may have updated him. Apparently his life has stayed pretty much the same, whereas I’ve done and accomplished a lot more things. His replies makes it so hard for me to continue a conversation.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      well, he wouldn’t really talk about you when there’s not enough rapport.. and less if he’s not interested.. when you’re the one that’s trying to build rapport you have to be more interested in him and then be valuable in his eyes.. can he learn from you? are you mysterious enough for him to wonder or would want to get to know you more?

  45. Renee - 0

    Renee

    Hi Chris and Amour and Co,

    I think my comment got deleted on another post. I have been trying to get my ex back for about 8 months now. I completed NC. I texted him for a couple of months. He came back around at the beginning of the year and we saw each other for 2 and a half months. Then he moved 2 hours away for health personal reasons and basically ghosted me for 2 months. I was devastated. I was nearly done with him when he texted me out of the blue. I was wary at first but he kept texting me this little check in texts and then we slowly started to talk. We met up after a couple of weeks of talking and we had a nice time together. Since then we have been talking a couple times a week, a lot of long conversations. But the last 10 days, he has kind of disappeared again. He hasn’t necessarily ghosted again but I’m worried. We last talked the weekend before last and it was positive but he hasn’t initiated a conversation with me and I haven’t with him. He has a habit of ending our conversations before I have a chance..always leaving me wanting more. I was going to text him this weekend and test the waters… Why do you think my ex keeps giving me this hot cold treatment? What can I do to get him pursuing me again? He was so into me in June and the beginning of this month. So frustrated…

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Renee,

      sorry, i just haven’t reached yours yet.. you should be the one that’s ending the convo first and doing what he’s doing.. be interesting by not being available all the time and improving yourself.. when he initiates again..remember how to end the convo first and go out with others too

  46. annie - 0

    annie

    I felt like I was being ghosted by my now ex boyfriend. When we were still dating, I asked him that if he wanted to end things he should man up and tell me or if there was a problem to speak up and not ignore me. Our relationship faded slowly, we became distant over the last 4 months so i did 21 days of NC. He proceeded to end things. Since then I haven’t heard from him, he won’t respond to any of my texts (i’ve only sent 2), however he views my snap chat story and he has even taken a screen shot of one snap of me on my story. Is he still ghosting me? I can’t decide if i should re-do NC and go a full month this time, or keep texting him light and fun messages (or snaps sent to him directly) every couple of days / weeks…

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Annie,

      nope, don’t keep texting him.. if he didn’t after 3 attempts of texts.. even if you spaced them out, that either means you move on or do a long nc before trying again.

  47. A - 0

    A

    So, my ex and i broke up end of may and well we had uni together and we stopped talking (i had begged but only as an after reaction to him wanting to remain broken up – we dated 2yrs 1month) we had classes together and he would sit in and around me. It bothered me but I continued with no contact – after 30 days i didn’t contact him – I was doing ok – I realised we were wrong for one another (I couldn’t forgive what a bitch his mum was just because she is rich & my family is shit so a future partners family for me is a deal breaker). He messaged me at some point during the holidays saying if i wanted him to have anything to let him know (possessions?) but we went back and forth a bit but the messages were fairly bleugh – like polite but not really saying anything – it ended in him saying Lol and me not replying. So new semester and we have 3 classes a week – yesterday was the first one. He came in – new threads, new douchey haircut looking like some generic hipster dude which honestly we would’ve both laughed at one stage. He sat within earshot of me talking to this bitch who tried to break us up from both sides (telling him stuff and telling me stuff about him etc.) and then loudly bragging about how much he was benching now (never went to the gym before break up) and bragging about his grades. The whole flipping things was a brag session. Mind you I’m over this like I have moved on a few time 😉 if you know what i mean … became the ungettable girl got my own thing going. So after consulting with a few classmates who had worked with us in groups previously I didn’t want a repeat of last sem where I just beared him sitting a meter from me in each class – it was too close to me and it was painful. So I walked up to him (first convo we’ve had face to face since the break up) and told him it wasn’t a comfortable environment for me or I’m sure him for him to sit at the next table (i had gotten there first) and he was all arrogant and he FLEX STRETCHED AT ME … Like stretched backwards and flexed his biceps at me!!! WTF!!! and he was like “ugh – fine I won’t purposely sit near you” and all arrogant – and when i went over first he continued his conversation with his dickhead friend who is into female manipulation audio books!!! He just tried to assert his dominance on the situation but yeah I was vocal to my friends in the class when I walked around after – I was like he could sit anywhere! Btw the counselor knows about this and has offered to provide formal documentation if this becomes like a harassment thing – and it kind of is. We dated over 2 years. I feel bad for him, I feel bad for me you know? At one point he looked me right in the eye and I think I saw a flicker of pain. But him bragging sitting within earshot is NOT OK. I’m not ok with that. I don’t do that to HIM!!! I just do my thing with other people – make friends chill whatever. Anyway, the emotional rage thing – I hope I wasn’t doing that. I’m just disappointed that our first interaction after not speaking for over 2 months had to be a negative one.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI A,

      just chill,, the more you reach, the more you appear affected

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