What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

What To Do When You Get Denied Or Rejected By Your Ex

Rejection and denial…

For most of the women I work with there are no two scarier words than the ones written above.

And yet I find that quite a few women end up rejected or denied by their exes.

Why?

Well, in my experience it is because they overextend themselves.

Think of it like this.

Your ex boyfriend breaks up with you which causes you to immediately want him back. Of course, you are a very smart person and you know that you need to have a sound strategy if you are going to convince him to take you back. So, you go online and search everywhere for a reputable source to help you with your pain.

Eventually you stumble across my little gem of a website here and read about the no contact rule.

Now, don’t get me wrong.

The no contact rule is without a doubt an essential strategy to getting your ex back but it has a bit of a downfall to it.

Generally, by doing a period of no contact it makes you want your ex even more and causes you to go a little too fast too soon.

Hence, you overextend yourself before enough of a connection has been built and you end up rejected.

In fact, that is exactly what happened to Taylor, the subject of our episode today.

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A Bit About Taylors Situation

  • She just completed a 30 day no contact rule
  • She was on day 5 of the “texting phase”
  • Things seemed to be going well…
  • And then she overextended herself a bit and ended up rejected
  • She now wonders what to do

One thing that you are going to notice about this episode of the podcast is that I talk a lot about one thing,

Connection

Often times, getting an ex back revolves around how connected you can make him feel towards you and making him connected to you revolves around the four levels of conversation,

  1. Small Talk: Anyone can talk about, it can be a stranger in a shop or in a bus
  2. Swapping Facts: We only do this with people we are loosely acquainted with and is the sort of conversation you might have on a first date.
  3. Discussing Opinions: Tend to do with with people you are familiar with, You know they won’t judge you too harshly
  4. Sharing Feelings: Usually reserved for family members and romantic information.

Don’t worry, I talk a lot more in depth about it in the episode (give it a listen!)

Interview Transcript

  • Hey, hey, hey!

    What’s up and welcome to another great episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast.

    As always excited to have you here today. We are going to be talking specifically about rejection.

    Meaning if you’re trying to get your ex back and you’ve done something and he has rejected you, that’s never, never a nice feeling but before we really dive in, before I start taking questions from the listeners here, we’re going to be hearing from woman named Taylor with an excellent question. I wanted to ask you for a quick favor.

    If you could, if you haven’t already, please visit the iTunes page for the exboyfriend recovery podcast and leave an honest rating or review. I know, I know, it seems like I’m plugging this constantly but that’s just how important it is. So, if you haven’t done that already.

    I please advise you to go to the iTunes page and leave an honest rating and review and even subscribe to this podcast. Especially if you’re in the throws of trying to get your ex back. I’m going to be coming out with a lot of this podcasts in the future.

    So, if you subscribe you can literally get updates of when the next episode is coming out to your phone. You can listen to it and hopefully it will be a topic.

    That will be similar to your situation that you can use to help you. I’ve noticed a lot of women actually use this podcast as therapy.

    They listen to it to kind of calm themselves down when they’re having a little panic attack but never the less, let’s kind of focus on some of the more positive aspects of getting an ex back and let’s just tackle a really, really great question about rejection which I know is something that almost every single woman trying to get their ex back fears.

  • Hey Chris,

    My name is Taylor.

    So, my exboyfriend and I completed the no contact rule. So, we have 30 days of no contact and I am day 5 of texting him. I did the first contact texts and then the day without texting and then now, the funny text.

    And so, I was doing really well.

    I was following the rules. He seemed to be responding positively and then I made the mistake of asking him to hang out with me which I know was a mistake but moving forward, I’m not sure what to do. I said, let’s hang out.

    He said he didn’t think it was a good idea and was confused by the texts that I was sending because I couldn’t be friends.

    This was definitely a mistake on my part but I was just wondering what you would suggest I would do next?

    I was thinking possibly another no contact rule but that’s seems a little severe and then I was thinking about sending a first contact text message and just starting the texting sequence over. I’m not sure what to do.

    Please give me your advice.

    Thanks!

  • Hey Taylor, well, thank you so much for taking the time to leave that message. I really actually do appreciate it and I also wanted to congratulate you on actually getting through the no contact rule. I know it seems sort of like things aren’t going your way but believe getting through the no contact rule just means everything from this point on actually might get a little bit easier. Ok, so, if you’re not familiar with how the format of the show works, basically, when I’m not doing interviews with clients or interviews with experts, I’m actually answering question in a indepth manner and what I look to do is after I’ve received a question, I like to go and kind of recap it, just in case you’ve skipped it or maybe couldn’t understand the person. So, the person leaving the question, her name is Taylor and she completed the no contact rule, which was around 30 days. So, right now, she’s on day 5 of texting him. So, that’s an important number, day 5. So, she did the first contact text and she did a lot of other different text. She wanted to do  the funny text everything I’d recommend essentially in exboyfriend recovery pro which is my product or book. Things seem to be going really, really well between the two of them. He was responding, she was responding, it seems like conversation was going well but she jumped the gun a little bit and a got a little bit too far ahead of herself and asked him to hang out with her a little too soon. Of course he denied her, and now she’s pretty much confused on what to do going forward. She doesn’t know what to do. She’s wondering if she should jump back into the no contact rule and that’s actually where I’d like to start with you Taylor. Really, really interesting thing that I’ve noticed especially since I’ve been working so closely now with a lot of women in our private support group, I get to really understand better than I used to, the emotions that people go through when they go through this no contact period and one thing that I’ve noticed is that a lot wormen hate it at the beginning, they hate it and then somewhere about midway through the no contact rule, so maybe around day 15 something shifts.

    Their perception of the no contact rule shifts and they actually start enjoying it. They start to look at how positive of an impact it’s having on their life and by the end of the no contact rule, they don’t even want to contact their ex. I know it’s a really weird thing because at the beginning of the no contact rule that’s all they wanted to do but at the end of the no contact rule, I often hear women saying, “Should I end it? Should I extend it? Maybe I need some more time?” And let’s take it a step further now. So, let’s assume that that was kind of you. You were kind of enjoying the no contact rule and inevitably knew that you had to text your ex so, you were smart and did that. Things seemed to be going really well but in the back of your mind, you’re sitting and wondering, “Well, if things go wrong again, maybe I can just jump back into the no contact rule, and I can kind of service this reset button.” And that’s not necessarily the case. You can’t always fall in love with the no contact rule. So, the no contact rule, it’s got a lot of different functions. The main function is essentially what everyone points to, is to actually make your ex miss you but I’m actually bigger fan of the idea that this no contact period is this moment in time where you can actually truly reflect on what you want. if you want this relationship with this individual or if you want to simply focus in yourself. It’s a way to maybe put so much of the energy off of him and put it more on to you. I’m kind of a big fan of that and I’ve seen actually better results from women who have looked at the no contact rule in that way.

    But the other function that it serves, is essentially it’s a reset button. You can kind of hit the reset button to start over. So, you’re not kind of starting from the point where you broke up. You’re starting from a new point. Hopefully, a better point and one thing that you have to be careful of though is constantly hitting the reset button. I have noticed through my time and experience is that the no contact rule, every time you fail it and try it over again or every time you start it over again after things aren’t maybe going well with texing, it looses a little bit of it’s effectiveness. So, that reset button doesn’t necessarily take you in a postive place, it kind of takes you in a little bit of a worse place. It doesn’t mean that the no contact rule can’t work for you if you try it over again but what it does mean is that it will be less effective going forward. So, one thing that you really have to safe guard is constantly getting into this idea of, “Ok,  if things go wrong, I’ll just always jump back into the no contact rule.” Because a lot of times, getting back with an exboyfriend is simply a function of building up enough momentum. So, becoming such a force that he convinces himself that he needs to lock him down and he needs to commit to you. Now, let’s really look at what happened here. So, I’m a really big believer in this idea of this value chain.

    So, after the no contact rule, the first thing that you want to do or the worst thing they could potentially do is ask your ex out on a date which essentially isn’t exactly what you did Taylor but it is close to what you did. So, you said you’re in day 5 of texting him which I’m assuming, right around day 3 or 4 is when you ask him out in person. Now, I’ve actually put implementation or put steps in place to kind of improve the odds and stack the odds in your favor, so that when you do suggest to hang out of if he doesn’t suggest at first, if you do suggest a hang out, he’s more likely to say, but it’s important to move up this value chain. This idea of moving from no contact, to text messaging from text messaging to phone calls from phone calls to in person interactions from in person interactions to actually commitment to a relationship. That’s the idea of where things have to go and the way I see it, is when you’re actually looking at trying to ask your ex out on a date, it’s a function of attraction. How much attraction, how much does he value you? The first thing I want you to do Taylor is understand why he said no to you.

    He said no to you because you simply didn’t build a good enough case for yourself. Here, we’re going to use what I like to call The Megan Fox litmus test. I think I talked about this in the previous podcast that I did. Sorry, I’ve been doing too many Facebook lives on the private support group. I think I talked a little bit about this previous podcast episode but basically the way this works is let’s pretend that Megan Fox or someone who you deem  very, very beautiful and that you know your ex finds very attractive asks your ex out on a date. Would he say yes or no? Something tells me he would probably say yes to her and yet he says no to you. It’s simple a function of he values Megan Fox more than he values you. So, you haven’t build up enough attraction to get into that valued level where he’s willing to take his time and see you. Ok, so let’s talk about what to do now. So, you’re in a really tough position because you feel rejected and you kind of don’t know what to do and your first reaction is interesting. It was to jump back into the no contact rule which I’m actually going to suggest you don’t do that. I’m going to tell you why because I think you can simply just act like you’re hang out thing never happened and just sort of start over from the beginning of this mini little value chain during texting.

    So, one of the things that I’ve been doing a lot lately is handing the microphone to actually members of our support group so they can write articles on exboyfriend recovery. Since the way I look at it is exboyfriend recovery is a resource for you. It’s here to help you get your ex back or even get over your ex if that’s what you want and sometimes just having me stand up and be kind of the voice and stand and talk about “Oh, you should do this, this and this.” It can only be so beneficial. Sometimes, it’s a really great idea to get someone else involved. Someone who’s actually going through things with you so you can understand their perspective. Someone who’s actually gotten their ex back. So, you can understand what they did. I was lucky enough, one of the people who got their exes back on our private support group, I was lucky enough to work a deal out with them where they will actually write articles for us about 6 to 8 per month which is really great. It’s really interesting hearing from someone who’s gotten their ex back because it feels like they what they’re doing a little bit more so than the people who haven’t gotten their back that write articles. Nevertheless, the particular person that I’m talking about here, she came up with this really, really interesting way of looking at text conversations or just conversations in general.

    She calls it the four separate levels of conversation. I think it’s really great for you Taylor to listen in on this because this is sort of where you went wrong. So, the idea of when I say you need to build attraction over text, it’s not so much 12:40 of building attraction or saying the right thing or looking hot all the time. It’s really about connecting. You have to connect with you ex and there’s a lot of different ways that you can do that but the worst way to try to connect with someone and I’ll just give you an example. Let’s say Taylor that you and I were on a date, let’s say I wasn’t married for the sake of this particular circumstance. You and I are on a date Taylor and I’m sitting across the room. It’s our first date, we’re sitting across the room in restaurant together at a table. Ok, so, we’re at this restaurant and let’s say that I’m really interested in you. Now, the number 1 that I could do to completely freak you out, is sit down at this table and say, grab you by the hand, look you in the eye and say, “Will you marry me?” pull out a ring. Something tells me you would say no. Why? Because you haven’t even connected with me yet. You haven’t put any time. You don’t even know how I am. You don’t know if it’s even worth doing that plus it just says something about my mentality that maybe I’m a little bit unstable and I feel that’s sort of what you did by jumping the gun here. You don’t really take it slow and build up attraction or start connecting with your ex on all this small little levels and get this momentum building. So, that’s where the four separate levels of conversations come into play.

    So, the first level of conversation, so the first type of conversations that you’re going to want to have with your ex boyfriend is small talk.Now, small talk basically anyone can talk about–it can be, you can talk about this any topic with a stranger on a bus, a stranger in a shop, a stranger at the bookstore. So, on and so forth. Small talk is pretty simple. It doesn’t have to be anything revolutionary and an idea of a first contact text message is to be interesting, yes but it’s also to have kind of small talk about maybe an interesting story that you stumbled across or an interesting thing that happened to you. Something that’s not threatening and it’s not like you’re sitting there pouring your feelings out necessarily but it’s important to get your ex to connect during this small talk phase. So, this phase isn’t going to last too long. The idea here is once you get him connecting, you move on to the next level of conversation. So, after small talk, after you have kind of gotten small talk out of the way, you start moving into swapping facts. So, level one of the conversation, the very bottom of this ladder is small talk.

    Level 2, the one we’re on right now is called swapping facts. Now, we only do this with people that we’re pretty loosely acquainted with and this is sort of the conversation you might have on a first date. You’re telling your potential date facts about yourself. You’re date is telling you facts about her and sort of interesting thing that you’ve done. This is where you really you can start honing on in some of the stories. One thing that I really love is stories. I think pretty much everyone loves stories. So, you can swap a factual story maybe you took during the no contact rule. You took dancing lessons, maybe tell a story about that. So, the more you really do this, the more you tell stories, the more you tell facts about yourself, the more you ex shares facts and it’s really important to get your ex involved. So, as you’re doing small talk with your ex, he needs to do small talk back. As you’re swapping facts with your ex, he needs to be swapping facts right back. So, just connect with him on that level. Once you feel you’ve connected enough, you can move onto the third round of this ladder. That is discussing opinions.

    Now, people who only tend to do this with people who they’re familiar with because you know they won’t judge you too harshly. These are like friends basically. So, I would probably discuss my opinions with a friend because I know they’re not going to outright disown me. For the sake of argument and I’m trying my hardest not to say this because I don’t want to offend anyone. So, I’m going to try something better but I think if opinions are out there, let’s say–and I’m not saying it whether I’m for or against but I’ll just leave it that. Let’s say that I hated Donald trump, who’s the President right now of the United States. Well, I’m not going to tell someone who I just met that I hated Donald trump, I’m going to tell my friends, who I know aren’t going to be judging me too harshly. So, after you’ve done the small talk with your ex, after you’ve connected through small talk, after you’ve connected through swapping facts, you want to move to discussing your opinions and make sure that engages. It’s really important to make sure that he engages as well because that’s your little litmus test to see how connected he is into the conversation because if you’re the only one bringing up the small talk, if you’re the only one swapping any facts with him, if you’re the only one discussing your opinions, he’s not going to be very connected. He needs to be connected. For your opinion, he needs to either agree with it or share another one of his and the more you can do this, the more you’re going to connect but I will tell you generally speaking, people are going to connect better if your facts, if your small talk align with things that they’re interested in. So, I forgot the famous words or the famous phrase but there’s this movie called HI fidelity. It’s got Jon Cussack in it. Basiclaly, he’s talking about-he’s this guy. He’s kind of a weird guy honestly in this movie but he’s like obssessed with records, with vinyl records and music and everything and he’s talking to his friend about how he actually slept with this girl and what he had to do and he said, “Really it’s not about what’s you’re like. It’s about what they like.” Basically I totally said that wrong. I’ll have to look that up later. I butchered that. But essentially the idea is the more alike the two of you are, the more attracted you become to each other. That’s kind of a weird thing but I actually found that to be true in my own life and a lot of lives of other people who I’ve coached and helped. So, that is level 3. So, once you feel that you’ve sort of connected on discussing opinions, you can move up to the 4th rung of the ladder and that is sharing feelings.

    Now, this is usually reserved to only for family members and romantic partner. Now, I don’t think I have to go too much into details here because feelings are pretty simple. This is you tell someone you miss them. This is where you tell someone that you love them. They’re generally saying that it might be a little too soon. Usually you want to wait for an in person interaction to have this sharing feelings type thing. Let’s kind of put a quick timeline on this 4 levels of conversations. So, if somehow you’ve fallen asleep listening to  me and you’re listening to me to sleep well, shame on you. You should be listening to me first off. But uhm let’s do a quick recap of this 4 levels of conversations. So first off we have, small talk and then we have swapping facts and then we have discussing opinions and then finally we have sharing feelings. Now, it’s easy to understand the conversation aspect. The big picture of you but when does this stuff supposed to happen? Generally in a perfect world, I would do small talk and swapping facts through text messages and then I will do small talk, swapping facts and discussing opinions over the phone. So, after I’ve connected with an ex on small talk and after I’ve connected with them on swapping facts, I would try to move things into a phone conversation. Then on the phone, I would mix up small talk, swapping facts, and discussing opinions. So, once you have really connected there, you can actually slowly start sprinkling in some feelings but that’s when you’re going to want to move in for the kill and ask for that date because you’re stacking the odds in your favor because if they committed this much time to you, if you’re kind of connecting this much and it’s going well, he’s going well, he’s going to say yes to hand up and then finally in that person interaction is where you can start bringing up all four of this levels of conversation.

    So, essentially what you didn’t do correctly Taylor was you probably only did small talk and you probably did very little of swapping facts before you immediately moved on to asking him for a date. So, you really didn’t connect with him much at all but that is something you can actually start over and start doing. So, that’s sort of your game plan. Make sure you do small talk, swapping facts, discussing opinions and sharing opinions and sharing feelings and I want to point out, I cannot take credit for this idea. This was Tia, who’s a part of our private support group and writes articles for us. This was her brain child and I actually liked it so much that I’m actually incorporating it in to my own advice to people. So, that is going to do it for this great episode of the exboyfriend recovery podcast. If you’re enjoying this episodes, if you want to learn more, if you want to hear more, I highly suggest that you go to iTunes and leave us an honest rating and review. I know it sounds like I’m pitching that every 5 minutes and I am  but it’s really important that we get those ratings and reviews in. Even if you hate me, just tell me about it. Let me know. If you’re really enjoying this and you want to get constant feedback, constant attention, I’m a lost for words here but if you want to get notified anytime a new episode comes out and believe me, I’m filming this like crazy. I’m recording this like crazy. So, they’re going to be coming out en masse very soon. Go ahead and subscribe in our iTunes page for exboyfriend recovery podcast. If you don’t know how to get to the iTunes page, it’s really simple. Just go to iTunes app on your phone and type exboyfriend recovery and our podcast should pop right up. And then all you got to do is subscribe and after you subscribe well hey, then you’re going to be getting updates from me and listening to me ramble on about how to get your ex back. So, yeah, like I said, that’s going to do it for this episode of the exboyfriend recovery podcast. Like always, it was a pleasure.

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Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

19 thoughts on “What To Do When You Get Denied Or Rejected By Your Ex”

  1. Anon

    October 22, 2017 at 3:30 pm

    Ok well my situation went a little different.. I completed 45 days of nc then initiated contact with a funny positive memory text and said hope you’re doing well. He replied really quick (14 minutes) even though he was working. I was just gonna keep the convo short, simple and light. But his replies were very deep conversation right off the bat. He updated me right away that one of his relatives died and that his dad is going to prison. So I was just tying to be supportive and said that I was sorry he was going through all this and hopes he has people he can talk to if he feels the need to. Then he apologized to me for how things went down towards the end of our relationship. And said that his rebound relationship (he referred to her by name) helps him 100% and I had done nothing wrong he just needed a change and “first loves never last.” (We were each other’s first loves) then he goes on to say he hopes we can be friends (he’s said this a total of 3 times since we broke up) and looks forward to hearing about my adventures to come. I said yes let’s be friends, I just miss having conversations with you and maybe we can meet up soon. (I know I suggested a meet up too soon but he was already talking to me like nothing had happened. It wasn’t just small talk, so I figured “wth” go for it). But I also said: don’t say “hope we can be friends” if you don’t mean it. He said he meant it, I sent a jokingly text back then he did the same and right after that asked me how many guys I’ve slept with…. then he said I’m drunk btw. By this time we had been texting for a few hours. He asked me that at 12:15am. I just made a joke about the amount then said “jk you’ll never know.” That was at 12:30am. He sent “k” at 4:16am
    And that was it…. that was our first conversation right after nc, I thought it went good but it was weird. I mean to me even though he says his relationship now helps him 100% (they’ve only been dating 3 1/2 months and started dating a week after we broke up) it seems to me like he still cares for me. What do you guys think?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 4:38 pm

      Take it slow.Don’t meet up yet..because it’s either he’s lying or he’s friendzoning you..

  2. Til

    September 25, 2017 at 3:53 pm

    Hi,

    This is my situation. I was with a guy in a logdistance relationship ( different countries).We used to meet every 2 months. And it was pretty intense and I never had that conection with anyone. We were together for 9-10 months.The last 4 months were a nightmare in terms of comunication.We couldn’ reach each other. I lost my patience and I suggested to stop a few times. Things went worse and finally in July we broke up, in a really bad way,everything on whatsapp. We always said we need to talk about this on the phone.I was waiting for it. He also gave me hopes like sending me pics in between…Then when we had the conversation basically he was the one who talk and he told me he didn’t want to be in those places anymore.And he didn’t want to come back. I was by then totally in love again and I though we could fix it cause we were beyond that.I also thought about moving to his country.
    That made me feel so bad.I felt terrible for 2 weeks but I didn’t text him or anything.
    So after two weeks he texted me with all his rage that he was so angry at me etc
    He thinks it is all my fault, he did everything for things to work.It is true that I did bad some things and I asked him sorry about it, with my full heart.I told him I would like to make him feel better an so i would feel better myself also.
    But never again a conversation on the phone, he avoid it.I don’t know why, I suggested many times.
    Then he told me he stills thinks of me a lot and he sleeps with a thing I bought him.
    Then from time to time I have a message (not loving) just about things that made him feel bad in the past.I told him to talk all the way, not by drops.
    He knows already that I love him and I would like to be with him again and he doesn’t want to be with me but I don’t know why on earth he is taxting me every 4 days, with not useful things.
    Today we had a conversation (written of course) and he told me he doesn’t want to forget me etc.I asked him if he feels love still for me and he replied with a: ‘I feel love for some things and for others I don’t’ which is a non clear answer, the question is so clear.
    I have the feeling he doesn’t want to be with me but for some reason he doesn’t let me to move on.
    I don’t know if I did enough already, but I told him my feelings and he has information in order to wether he wanted to be together he could.
    But why is he doing this? I know you cannot be in his head but what should I do?
    Sometimes I think he is not the same person by the way he adress to me and the things he tell me. Today it was really disgusting that reply.
    And I feel stupid cause I still love him and it’s been more than 2 months since we broke up
    HELP

    Thank u!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 27, 2017 at 9:03 pm

  3. Ann Mary

    September 6, 2017 at 2:03 pm

    Hi,

    I and my boyfriend were together for almost 2 years. Though we love each other we fight a lot as well. We had a huge fight recently and he told me things like I flirt with guys and stuff which is not true. I got really hurt when I know how committed and honest I am in the relation. I told him I am breaking up with him. I was screaming on the top of my voice so was he. I said, ‘not even my dog will come back to you and that I did a mistake by choosing you over my ex’. He tried to talk to me while we were fighting but I didn’t let him have a conversation because I was mad at him and quite angry. A lot of times we say each other that we are done but we always patch up. However this time we didn’t patch up. Some days passed and he never tried to talk..I tried to talk to him and he said he is done. And that he still remembers my statement which said ‘not even my dog will.come back to you and that I did a mistake by choosing him over my ex’. I said sorry and I told him that he also said hurtful things and still I went back, just because I know that everyone says hurtful things when they are mad and they don’t mean it. But he didn’t even continue the conversation. He said he is done and left the place. This fight is definitely different from our previous fights and he has never behaved like this before. He is also active in dating apps and he also blocked me from all social media, which has happened before as well. Do you think there is a chance that we get back to each other. He has really loved me a lot which I know for sure

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 7, 2017 at 9:17 pm

      HI Ann Mary,

      you already apologized for it, so I think it’s time for you to start the no contact rule since he’s still angry about it.

  4. Meggy

    August 14, 2017 at 5:18 am

    I really need advice!
    My ex and i have been in a relationship for over 2 years. We were perfect together, each other’s first loves, first kisses, first dates and everything. But i always argued with him, didn’t appreciate what he had done for me and whenever we argue i felt he’s getting farther from me. And around May, he initiated a breakup but i said i would change and we worked out things. But in July, i also got emotional and started argument and we didn’t talk to each other for 9 days and after that he suddenly cleared his nickname from FB messenger and deleted the pictures from FB and changed his password. I begged him again and again. But he said very hurting words to me and kept saying no. And I agreed with him and he said if he misses me he’ll come back to me no matter when it is. But I went to his home after a couple of days and begged again. He was really angry at first but after talking a bit he was just like when we were dating, he was smiling and hugged me tightly. And I begged to have sex (we didn’t do it before) but he refused and he said you would cry and regret it. But he agreed anyways. And after doing that i begged again but he still said no. So that night, which was July 17th i wrote to him saying i will wait for you, but now i’m agreeing to breakup. He said i was still his first love and the most beautiful girl in the world, and if he misses me he will come back. And after a few days, we met up to get some documents from him, and he was different, he was no longer angry but was smiling and kind to me. He said he won’t look for other girls and although he knew i was logging into his icloud account, he won’t change his password and he still didn’t change it. And i asked him to kiss and he kindly refused, he said no we can’t. But we kissed. He said he was in a hurry, but i begged him to stay a bit but his mum called and get angry with him and asked where he is. After that he got annoyed. We almost didn’t talk or chat with each other. But he kept seeing my instagram story while not seeing his friends’ (i knew his password and he didn’t) he even seeing his chat with me on messenger. But suddenly he stopped seeing my story but saw his friends’. He also searched for some famous girls’ instagram. And yesterday i felt bad because i was the only one who knew his password and changed it back to his old password. In a minute he changed the password to something i don’t know and deleted all pictures with me that he didn’t delete before. I don’t know whether he got angry because i kept changing his password. I sent him a chat saying i’m changing for good and thanked him for breaking up with me because if he didn’t, i couldn’t have changed my behaviour and giving my a chance to start everything freshly and i also said i’m waiting for you not to get back together but to start everything from zero, when we got shy because of each other. He has seen the message but not replying.
    What should I do from now on? Do i still have a chance to get him back? I’m planning to write to him in around second week of September with some messaging saying our old happy memories. Please give me some advice. Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 14, 2017 at 8:56 pm

  5. sarahneedshelp

    July 23, 2017 at 3:32 am

    Hi Amor,

    I need help with my situation but also to vent a little. So, I’m sorry in advance for the long post.

    My ex and I were together for 1.5 yrs together, and then he broke up with me because we would fight constantly. Our fights were similar to how Chris described his… I would get upset over little things, my ex would get stressed out, and one day he was just fed up with fighting and so he broke up with me saying that we will never work, we’re never getting back together, and its getting harder to love me. Since it’s my first time being broken up with, I begged/called and texted a lot, and it didn’t work. A week after we broke up, he dropped by to pick up his stuff and I tried to get back together again, and he was hesitant and had to think about it for a couple of days. Ultimately, he said no. Since then, I entered NC and did not speak to him for 30 days. After that we miraculously got back together, and it was the happiest time for both of us. We were really great for awhile…

    Fast forward to now, 9 months later, he broke up with me again. Lately, we’ve been fighting over little things again, and he would get stressed and shut down. Which made me more angry because it felt like he didn’t care about us, or cared enough to make us work. So one day after a fight, he wanted a discussion about our relationship but I didn’t because I was still angry about what we fought about and so he broke up with me. I didn’t protest and I agreed it was for the best. After that, I didn’t contact him. 4 days later, he sent me an email and messaged me on Facebook. He’s not one to express so much emotions, especially in words, so I was very shocked. In the letter, he started by saying that he didnt think the way we ended did any justice for the beautiful relationship we had. Then he proceeds by saying I’m the love of his life, everything reminds him of me, he loved me so much but it wasnt enough for me, and our good times were like a dream but again its not enough. Then he said that maybe in the future, when our lives are different and we cross paths and have the same feelings then its meant to be. He continued by saying that for the first time ever, he thought he had found a life partner, and someone to grow old with. Then he apologized for us not working out, and taking me for granted and not appreciating our time together. He ended the letter by saying that he needed to write to me because we had something so special, and that he loves me but we just don’t work. Then he said that he’ll drop off my stuff later that week. I replied (I know I shouldn’t have) by saying thank you for the letter, can i come get my things. He said “No, i need some time apart from you, i’ll drop it off sometime this week” and i said okay. and i told him that i love him and want us to be together but i also agreed with his letter, and maybe when he drops it off we could discuss it and i could express my side of things. He didn’t respond, and I haven’t heard from him since. It’s been a week since that last conversation, and I’m getting a bit anxious about not hearing from him.

    I don’t know what to do at this point. I want to be with him but I’m not sure if he wants to be with me/try again… Do I even have a chance? Are my chances good/average/bad? Should I try NC again after he returns my stuff? How many days should I be in NC? What does he mean by the letter? Was that his way of closing the doors forever?

    Thanks for reading. Any advice would be appreciated!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 5:13 pm

      if you can start healing and improving yourself now, and if you can keep your composure when you meet up, you don’t have to restart nc but it looks like you’re too emotional right now, so I think you’re going to have to restart it after you meet up…it looks like a moving on letter, if you agreed to it that’s good. Your chances depend on how much you improve yourself, how active you’re posting, how much you can rebuild rapport and attraction after nc while slowly building rapport.

  6. Ann

    July 19, 2017 at 11:04 am

    Hi there! So im done with the no contact rule now and our initial conversation that i started went well. im on day 3 tomorrow but i have no idea how to start it again 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 19, 2017 at 12:47 pm

      use topics of his interest.. check this one too:
      The Most Effective Text Messages To Send To Your Ex Boyfriend

  7. Lana

    July 5, 2017 at 12:28 pm

    Hi, I went through the whole NC thing a couple times until I’m now in the “move on” part. It’s been 6 months and he still wants me to “never” talk to him again. I’m struggling with it, I still miss him so much and it hurts that he doesn’t seem to miss me at all.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 6:34 pm

      Hi Lana,

      You just have to keep going..there’s no other way but through it

  8. Lynn

    July 2, 2017 at 7:45 pm

    I was trying to get my ex back after a few months. After NC (I decided it because he had started to be cold and distant) we started to get better. We talked (by text) once a week, just a few messages about tv, movies…Then the things got better, during the last month we texted each other serveral times a week, talked about more things, not neutral but personal, even intimate and sometimes he texted me just because, with “excuses” (asking things he could ask anyone, for example). We were having fun and using some old inside jokes… Until last week. I had to go to his city (we lived in different cities, one of the reasons of our problems in the relationship) for a meeting and I asked him if he would want to met and grabbing a coffee and I could give him his bday present (we have talked about it, it was a Christmas present who arrived late and, since we broke up at the end of December, I never gave it to him but it was something special and I decided to give him for his bday, which is in ten days). He said he would confirm me the day before and then he came up with a excuse, something he had to do… The day arrived and I think that the thing he had to do was true (he was absent of the social media, which he only left when he is busy with this thing) but I know that he finished on time to meet just for a little while. I didn’t insist and he had promised that if he has time he would text me if he had time but he didn’t. And he haven’t text me since then. He didn’t ask me about the meeting (he had wished me luck the day before). Funny thing: as a result of that meeting, I’m moving to his city in three months. And I haven’t heard from him since then. I didn’t text him either, the last messages are mine, before going to his city and he ignored me.
    I am going to sent him the present but without saying him anything before. I was planning to ask him to open it “live” via skype or facetime, just to see his reaction but no, I don’t want to try anything like this now. And I am not texting him until he does, if this happens. We were getting close, getting back our connecton, having fun, and suddenly… Sometimes I think he didn’t want to meet because he lied to me and to himself when he said he is over it and if we met in person he may feel something… When we were together he told me that sometimes when he liked a girl but think he shouldn’t be with her (distance, mainly) he convinced himself that there was nothing to feel. I am afraid that he did the same with me (worst, because we really dated for six months) and he doesn’t want to meet to be consistent and avoid the risk of falling again… I don’t know. I was not being pushy or clingy, on the contrary, after NC I was acting cool (even if I am having an awful time with this and my heart is totally broken) and it worked: the more calm I was, the closer he gets. Now I think everything is lost again. If he is afraid of feeling something and he starts to get distant again…I am damned because I can’t get him back even if he has feelings… I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to loose him but I don’t know how to break his barriers. Any help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2017 at 9:25 pm

      Dont overthink. You’re going to act desperate because of that..

    2. Lynn

      July 4, 2017 at 11:34 pm

      You are right Amor…but I am kind of desperate… I don’t show him that, as a mtter of fact my friends tell me that he should know that I want him back and how I am feeling but for me that’s a big NO. I am trying to act cool with him, since when I started to be calm and relaxed when we text, he started to feel more comfortable and texting more. But…I feel that he is trying to replace me, not searching for another relationship but he is trying to be more popular on social media, trying to find friends (and finding that not everyone is here for him…until somebody does, and I am afraid of that moment). He received my present and he is going to open it tomorrow (he texted me and told me that he could’t go to pick it up until tomorrow and he is going to tell me when he opens it) and…I just want it to make feel something (it was very hard having it for six months because it arrived a few days after the break up, just after Christmas). I don’t know…I need him to “see” me again but he seems to be forcing himself to not do it…evrytime he gives a step….we were better than ever since the break up and now… I just don’t know what to do. I really feel that he is living in a fantasy world (social media, tv and movies, just that…) in order to think less after our break up and I feel that we were “real”, that I am real, and we belong together…I don’t know, it is a feeling…but I can’t make him see it if he doesn’t want to “look” at it. (And after the break up I commited the awful mistake of tryint to reason with him, great failure, obviously, after NC never tried anything like that again and I never will)

  9. gabriela

    July 1, 2017 at 7:49 am

    so my ex and i dated for 2 years and broke up about 5 months ago and for the first couple of months kept on talking, not always very positively. after a month and a half we met to return our belongings and we had a lot of fun together and kissed at the end while saying (mutually) that we still love each other…
    after that nothing really changed and a month and half later we met again (with friends) and i tried to talk to him and kiss him but he pushed me away.
    after that i took the nc rule and texted him after 30 days about a movie i saw and thing he would love, and got no response, so i tried again about a week later and told him i think the breakup was a good thing but i would hate to lose the friendship with him.
    he responded the day after with a long text saying he thinks it hasnt been enough time, that he wouldnt want to lose our friendship as well but that his last experience of me wasnt very positive and he doesnt want it to repeat itself. so i replied that i understand and i am not resenting him anymore and that i won’t push him to talk to me.
    17 days after that i texted him about a funny dream i had that made me remember how much i just love talking to him (nothing to do with a relationship, but as aperson). he did not respond at all, and that was 2 weeks ago.

    i will mention that i have been working really hard on improving myself and i did post a lot of fun and social experiences i took part of on facebook, and even wrote a post about overcoming a breakup for my freshly single friends, and he actually liked it
    so all in all i am confused
    is there anything i can do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2017 at 8:26 pm

      Hi Gabriela

      Try a 45 day nc, continue being more active in your life even after nc and then dont use a memory text again..go out with others too

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