What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

My Ex Boyfriend Wants Nothing To Do With Me

If youʼve been reading the articles on this site, or have bought the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro System, then you will know that I, Chris Seiter, do a ton of reading and research for the information that I share.

As you might expect, much of this involves the wonderful world of science. Many people can be intimidated by science. But, when it comes to the science of love, it is exactly as we have all been told:

Itʼs chemistry!

According to a March 2010 article featured on menshealth.co.uk, “Love grows out of lust…” They quote Dr. Helen Fisher, author of “Why we Love: the Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.

Fisher says, testosterone and oestrogen- driven desire in both sexes to get out of the house and procreate.

“Itʼs a basic instinct, easily stimulated and relatively indiscriminate.”

As Fisher says, Love grows out of Lust. “Love is dependent on smell to flourish. Attraction between humans is crucially influenced by body odors and pheromones, says Richard Robinson, psychologist and speaker with the British Association for the Advancement of Science.

Being that the article was written for Menʼs Health, it was directed towards a male audience, it states that researchers at the University of California found a few whiffs of a chemical found in male sweat was enough to improve a womanʼs mood, increase her sexual arousal, and elevate her vital signs. So what does this mean for women trying to get a male to care again?

“In each stage, a different set of brain chemicals run the show. These stages are lust, attraction and love.”

According to Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D., in her article for Psychology Today, “The Science of Love and Attachement – How understanding your brain chemicals can help you build a lasting love,” it means quite a lot.

Greenberg incidentally also sights Dr. Helen Fisher, who says that there are three stages of falling in love.

“In each stage, a different set of brain chemicals run the show. These stages are lust, attraction and love.”

Lust is driven by the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women.

In this article for Psychology Today, in March of 2016, Greenberg says Lust is driven by the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women. “Lust occurs across species and may be part of the basic drive to find a partner to spread our genes with. But lust is different that love. Injecting men with testosterone makes them desire a potential lover more, but not necessarily fall in love in a lasting way.”

So, taking what you now know about how Lust works in a Man, being the Ungettable Girl that you are, you can now take your game to the next level. Attraction.

Of the three articles that I talk about in this piece, they have one thing in common.

Attraction.

According to Greenberg, “you begin to obsess about your lover and crave his presence. Your heart races and you donʼt feel like sleeping or eating…

You feel a surge of extra energy and excitement as you fantasize about the things youʼll do together.” All of these feelings Greenberg says, are created by three chemicals: dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.

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Dopamine

Increased dopamine, according to Greenberg, is associated with motivation, reward, and goal-directed behavior, “hence the drive to pursue your loved one or create them in a fantasy if you canʼt be with them.” Greenberg also says that

Dopamine creates a sense of novelty; “Your loved one seems exciting, speacial and unique to you and you want to tell the world about his special qualities.

But letʼs break it down a little further as to what dopamine does.

According to Maryanne Fisher, Ph.D., in her article for Psychology Today, in February of 2013, dopamine is the beginning of the chemical process.

“Dopamine, which is created in the brain and adrenal glands, enhances the release testoterone.

Dopmanine affects various organs, including the genitals, the sweat glands, and also the senses.” Fisher asks the reader if they have noticed that during the first stages of love, the sky is bluer, or that you sweat more. Dopamine is partly responsible.

“As a consequense of dopamine being released, mood and emotions are also influenced, leading to feelings of excitement and happiness.”

Meanwhile, Fisher says, testorone increases the sexual desire but also the aggressive behavor, which can account for the push to pursue or chase the one who is fueling the intense response.

Norepinephrine

Norepinephrine, according to Greenberg, is responsible for the extra surge of energy, the racing heart, the possible loss of appetite, and the desire for sleep.

But the effects of Norepinephrine and itʼs friendly sidekick PEA (phenylethylamine) are explained further by Fisher.

“Individuals start to ʻzero-inʼ on the person they desire, and at the same time, often have a feeling of euphoria.”

Fisher explains that nreopinephrine is a stimulant, causing the individual to feel alert, possibly unable to sleep, and enables them to notice the smallest details about their partners. “PEA is respondible for the feelings of giddiness, and may cause the loss of appetite,” says Fisher.

Fisher also points out that if the relationship doesnʼt last, PEA levels fall and are partly responsible for the feelings of depression. This should explain some of the actions and erractic behavior that many feel when they enter into no contact.

Fisher then explains that the “Feedback loop” begins to form at this stage, with the brain reward system becoming involved. “This reward system is influenced by the central nervous system and the contents of the bloodstream…The reward system sends chemical messages via neurotransmitters, to various parts of the body….which causes them to send messages back to the brain.”

“To put it simplistically, if stimulation of the genitals feels good, for example, the the rewards system receives this information and causes one to seek more for what was pleasurable.”

Fisher also adds that anticipation alone can cause a biolgical response and stimulate the reward system at this phase.

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Serotonin

Greenberg states that scientists think serotonin probably decreases at this stage, but that more studies need to be done. “Low levels of serotonin are found in obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and are thought to cause obsessive thinking.”

Itʼs important to point out also that Fisher brings up a touchy subject here; where the relationship goes from here.

“Some might fear the possibility of rejections, which overrides their enjoyment of falling in love. Others may be scared about committing to the relationship, or be overly needy and clingy and as a result drive their lover away.”

“If things are going well, it gets replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which create the desire to bond, affiliate with, and nurture your partner.”

You want to cuddle and be close and share your deepest secrets with her. You plan and dream together

Itʼs important that my readers keep this in mind as they are re-establishing connections with their Exes. Fisher takes into account, your possible clingy behavior, and his possibly fear of commitment.

So what does all this lead to in the best case scenario?

According to Greenberg, Attachment (or as we said before, love), which in turn leads to the release of more chemicals. Greenberg says that attachment involves wanting to make a more lasting commitment to your loved one. “This is the point at which you may move in together, get married and/or have children.” Greenberg goes on to explain that after about four years in a relationship, dopamine decreases and attraction goes down. “If things are going well, it gets replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which create the desire to bond, affiliate with, and nurture your partner. You want to cuddle and be close and share your deepest secrets with her. You plan and dream together.”

Oxytocin

Oxytocin, according to Greenberg, is a hormone released during orgasm and during childbirth and breastfeeding.

“This may be the reason why sex is thought to bring couples closer together and be the ʻglueʼ that binds the relationship.”

Greenberg also points out that there is a dark side to oxytocin, which again, to me explains some of the erratic behavior after a breakup. “It seems to play a role in needy, clinging behaviors and jealousy,” says Greenberg.

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Vasopressin

Greenberg points to a study to illustrate the effects of Vasopressin.

“Scientists learned about the role of vasopressin in attachment by studying the prairie vole, a small creature that forms monogamous bonds like humans do.”

When male praire voles were given a drug that suppresses vasopressin,” says Greenberg, “they began neglecting their partners and not fighting off other male voles who wanted to mate with her.”

So what does all this mean when you are trying to get your Ex Boyfriend to care again?

It gives you an edge. See you now understand the mechanics of what the body is doing, and how to make this work for you, in getting him to care again, and to keep a relationship. As Greenberg says, “It helps you develop more realistic expectations of your relationships.”

Greenberg offers the following tips:

  • Donʼt mistake lust for love. Give a new relationship time before you start dreaming of a future together.
  • Keep the dopamine flowing in a long-term relationship by having date nights, taking lessons, or going on trips in which you do novel and exciting things together. (Much like what I say when you hit the meeting/dating phase. Go on a date that helps them bond with you!)
  • Keep the oxytocin flowing with sex and intimacy. Write cards and love notes, hugs and kiss, think of your partner when they arenʼt around, and share your hopes, dreams, and support those of your partner.
  • If your the jealous, controlling type, start developing your own activities and friendships (which you should have picked up during No Contact!) that make you feel important and cared about.
  • Itʼs also important to point out some of the facts in the menshealth.co.uk article, which says that “PEA also occurs in chocolate and strawberries.” Richard Robinson says PEA kicks in when we feel excited. “So if you want someone to fall for you, take them on a rollercoaster and feed them strawberries.” (Again this takes me back to the meeting/dating phase.)

Taking all of the science-y information into consideration, along with your new found confidence and focus on yourself that you should have found in your No Contact phase, you should have all the tools and insight that should lay your foundation for getting your ex back.

Make no mistake though, you could realize at this point you either donʼt want him back. A lot too depends on the mindset of your ex.

But this knowledge, combined with Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, should give you what you need to get started on getting him to care again.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

33 thoughts on “My Ex Boyfriend Wants Nothing To Do With Me”

  1. Sarah

    November 18, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend and I dated for about 2 years. I found in his phone a few months back that he had been texting 4 girls, which he never met up with. One girl was married, with a kid, and one on the way. These texts were explicit. As disturbed as I was i did find out from the girls they never met up. We chose to work through it and give it a second chance. I am insecure about his social media and I went through his phone to find he was searching for his ex and other friends that were girls. He seemed to think this was not a big deal. I wouldn’t have cared as much if we didn’t go through what we went through. He ended up saying that he wasn’t happy and needed a break. He then sent me a text that said how much he loved me, how beautiful, I was, but how it wasn’t fair for him to drag me through his rut. He is about to turn 30 and I am taking it as he is very nervous to turn 30 and realize the responsibilities that come with 30. He has never been like this and I think he is having a mid-life crisis at 30. I did mention a short time before this what we planned for a next step aka move in together, 5 year plan. I think he freaked out from this convo, but didn’t freak out in that initial convo. He sent this about a week ago and I haven’t heard from him since. He also had been adding back these girls on his account because he claimed they were friends from school and he was embarrassed I had him remove them from his account. He also blocked all my girlfriends probably thinking I would expose what he did, which I haven’t, but didn’t remove my family, myself, or any of our pictures, that are his most recent pictures on his profile, that have captions that he loved me. I feel so confused and am not sure what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2017 at 3:22 pm

  2. WW

    November 18, 2017 at 12:39 am

    my ex of 6 years broke up with me because he said he was unhappy. hard for me to believe since he stayed in it for so long. i found out i was pregnant after the break up and then i miscarried. i didn’t tell him until after the fact because i was unsure of what he might say or do. i did some things that i’m not proud of. i incessantly called and texted him, drunk called him, and showed up at his house unannounced and uninvited to give him stuff back. he has blocked my number again and will not unblock me. i haven’t spoken with him in over 4 months. i wrote him a letter about 4 months ago saying something about the pregnancy and miscarriage but i am not sure if he even read the letter, so i didn’t get a response. then i messaged him two weeks later saying that i was sorry for my behavior and that i would like to talk before i move. then i messaged him a few weeks before i moved to a new city saying that i’d like to talk again and give him some things of his back, again no response. i have been messaging him on social media since he has blocked my number. i know that i haven’t acted right but he hasn’t either and i want a chance at reconciliation. i messaged him a few days before i left for school saying that i would like to give him his things back and that i would like some closure and would like to discuss the pregnancy and miscarriage. but he won’t even acknowledge me and i just don’t think he is being fair. he says that he knows what he wants in the future but no one knows what he/she wants in the future, not even him. it’s unfair of him to say that. his demeanor changed when i got into grad school in the same place where he wanted to go to grad school and he got wait listed. he broke up with me 3 weeks after i got into grad school where he wanted to go. i want to work things out, i want him back, and i want him back now. i found out he is seeing someone else and i lost my cool and i got his family involved and i just wasn’t thinking very clearly and i was just so upset and angry. i have since then cut off contact with them and i have been in therapy for quite sometime and will continue to be in therapy. i cannot handle the fact that he may never talk to me again. he does not get a free pass to act like this and things need to be discussed. i want him back. I am not sure if he is still with this new person, I am too afraid to look on social media to see if he is because I do not want to have another mental breakdown. All I want is him back. That is all. I am tired of people telling me to take care of myself, I have done that and I want a second chance. I have since this apologized to his mom but not his sister. As for him, I have tried to apologize but I am continuously ignored. I heard that he wasn’t seeing the new girl anymore and I want to reach out to him but I don’t know how to reach out in a way to get him to respond to me. I want to rekindle things. I haven’t reached out to him since I moved to a new city for school which was over 2 months ago. I want him back and I need your help. i texted his mom thursday and said “i hope that your son and i can talk one day too and wish him well” and she didn’t respond either. i messaged him last week via txt and my number wasn’t blocked because the message went through. all i said was “hope you’re doing well. i was just thinking about you.” no response. i understand that he may not know what to say to me or he may be doing other things but 6 years is not a freaking joke and i just want him back. i know he’s not acting right. i cannot explain why i want him back, i just do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 3:11 am

      Hi WW,

      We can’t say we can give you what you want, just because you want it.. That’s like saying yes to a spoiled brat, which I know you know you’re not.. Yes, you are desperate, yes, you want him back badly, but ask yourself too, if he blocked you and his mom is not responding, does it look like continuing chasing him is attractive? No right? That’s good that you’re in therapy, keep attending to it and be honest with your therapist even if you know you’re not going to hear what you want to hear.. Yeah 6 years is long, he still might have feelings for you but continuing chasing him is pushing him away because desperation is never attractive.

  3. Barbara

    November 16, 2017 at 1:09 am

    So my ex and I go to college together and we have to see each other every week. He broke up with me because he said we both had to work on our personal issues but there was no cheating or anything grave involved. I tried to ask him back but he said no and he’s not in love with me anymore. We stopped talking for about 2 weeks, and then we talked again recently because we were in an event with our friends. He approached me and said thank you for everything. He said he wanted to be friends and didn’t wan’t to lose me in his life because I’m one person just can’t ever forget. He also said thank you for everything so in a way he said it was closure for him. He recently told a friend of ours that he doesn’t see a possibility of us being together in the future, despite saying he did see a possibility before that talk. What can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:20 am

      Hi Barbara,

      don’t mind what he said to your friends, because that can be out of ego.. are you going to do the no contact rule?

  4. Barbara

    November 16, 2017 at 12:48 am

    My ex told our friends “i don’t see a possibility anymore for us being together in the future” after we had a talk which he took as “closure” we agreed to talk after a month and this is what he told our friend. What can i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 18, 2017 at 2:20 am

      Hi Barbara,

      don’t mind what he said to your friends, because that can be out of ego.. are you going to do the no contact rule?

  5. Girl123

    November 10, 2017 at 1:09 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Me and my ex have been broken up nearly 3 months but we were speaking for about a month afterwards and during that time we had sex 3 times and slept at each other’s houses twice. He said he wanted me to not wait for him then told me we could talk things out. The first week of NC he was texting me things like ‘hey you okay?xxx’ then I waited 60 days to reply because I felt like I needed some space to move on. I sent him a message and he replied then I replied and he hasn’t sent a message since? He always checks my stories on snapchat but is just ignoring me for everyone else as he is in University now. What should I do? Does he want me back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 12:33 am

      Hi Girl123,

      How much did you improve yourself and how active were you in posting in sites where posts lasts? and why did you break up?

  6. Judy

    October 24, 2017 at 4:38 am

    I married another man. Ex and I still texted here and there for the last 7 years….recently I told him I was thinking of cheating on my spouse with another man (at this point the ex and I were just friends, was seeking advice). He begins to tell me how I was the one for him, I was supposed to have his babies, he asked to be with me again. I got very upset because I never thought he was serious. I was hot and cold about seeing him and told him off several times, enough to make him leave. I still love him but didn’t want to ruin my life. He won’t talk to me anymore for 9 months now. Will he ever talk to me again? This has caused great pain.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 6:03 pm

      Hi Judy,

      If you’re not happy with your marriage, why not end it instead of cheating?

  7. Paige

    October 21, 2017 at 5:45 am

    Hi, here’s a situation I haven’t been able to wrap my brain around and none of the articles seem to target it. So things were going great with Daniel, we didn’t date for a long time, but we became close very quickly. After about 3 or 4 months of dating, he ended up deciding he did not want to be in a relationship and enjoyed the single life more. This is totally understandable. We did not argue and he asked to remain friends, I denied, and said we should just go our separate ways. But now, he’s being super petty. He’s rude, removed me off all social media except Snapchat and continues to watch my story even though he acts like he hates me. What could be the purpose of this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 12:56 pm

      Hi paige,

      Trying to control you.. If he wouod be angry then maybe you would want to be friends..if you were sleeping with him, then it means being friends with benefits

  8. Curious

    October 8, 2017 at 9:21 pm

    Does t mean anything if your ex breaks up with you says he hates you and wants nothing to do with you .. but still responds to your text ? It’s in a cold way but he’ll still respond ?

    I’m doing no contact now but was just curious as to why he even responds if he wants me out of his life he says .

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 9, 2017 at 12:29 am

      Did he respond right after saying that? When did he break up with you?

    2. Curious

      October 9, 2017 at 3:32 am

      It was about two weeks ago . He only made contact first maybe 3 times but when I make contact he responds.. a time before when he broke up with me he’ll just ignore me .. but now if I text him he’ll text back t won’t be nice but he still texts back .. Idk what to think about that .

      If a guy was completely done would he still respond .

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 10, 2017 at 1:55 pm

      Yes either he’s just being nice,got nothing to do, or is indifferent

    4. Curious

      October 9, 2017 at 12:52 pm

      Yes right after and even a few days later . For ex . Yesterday I texted one simple message and he responded “stop textin “ .
      I didn’t respond after that decided to do no contact but seems weird that he would even text .

  9. Jessica

    October 2, 2017 at 4:25 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My ex and I broke up 6 weeks ago. In text we fought about something his friend had done to him and forgiving him as I didn’t want my boyfriend making an idiot of himself or being used and it blew out of proportion. I said out of anger “I don’t even know why I bother anymore” I was talking about the relationship but as soon as I said I regretted saying that and told him it was out of anger and I just want the best for him he decided the break up was what he wanted but wanted to get back whenever the timing would be right. We kept in contact for three weeks after the break up but when I made out with another man he decided he wanted nothing to do with me and unfriended me on Instagram and snapchat but not Facebook. We were both at a club this weekend we did not talk but all mine and his friends kept telling me he was staring at me. I really believe we will get back together but I’m unsure on how to make it happen, I really need help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 2, 2017 at 10:29 pm

      Hi Jessica,

      Check this one:
      Get Your Boyfriend Back After A Fight

  10. Emily

    September 21, 2017 at 6:47 am

    HI, My ex broke up with me on March and had a new gf on April until now. We was still sticking to each other even after he got a new gf that looks serious about for marriage. I kinda feel like we are friends with benefits all this while but he still went hiking and movie with me. Recently I did stupid stuff like texting his gf for the first time after his gf confronted me for a few times and i run away. I texted the girl to make her to force him made a decision between two. Btw he is my boss so I am seeing him almost everyday. After I have text his gf, he never contact me at all except working stuff. No text, videos call like how he use to do. What should I do now ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 27, 2017 at 10:41 am

  11. clara

    August 18, 2017 at 4:02 am

    I’ve been acquainted and in relationship with my bf for 6 years. Last year we broke up, he met with his new gf and only for 8 months. Finally he back to me and regretted all that was done. Yesterday he shared that in deep his heart he don’t know what actually he wants. For my side hope that he can make a decision to marry me. What shud i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 18, 2017 at 5:36 pm

  12. Dayana

    August 16, 2017 at 7:37 pm

    Hi, thanks for your helpful website. I have a crush on a guy, i bumped into him on instagram via a common freind, asked him some questions and he gave his number, i didn’t contact him until i talked to him once a again after 2 weeks on instagram and he urged to talk on phone. But we had brief talk, i felt as if he only wanted to satisfy his curisity and finally i ended up putting my cards on table. I told him i liked him, asked if he had a gf or not… he said he didn’t have for almost a year… he had a breakup last year… he said it’s ok us tobe freinds… he is 32 yo and me 30… then he called me and told me sexual matters are important to him. I refused to and he got cold sort of… i tried to get close to him as i really like him… but he acts as if he doesn’t care me and he forces to reply! I don’t know what to do! All happend in a short period of time … what do you think?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 17, 2017 at 3:32 pm

      Hi Dayana,
      Looks like he just wants sex

  13. Girl2

    July 21, 2017 at 9:12 pm

    Hello. I was with my boyfriend for 1 full year then we was off and on for 7 years. We got a 5 year old son and was living together. Since day one there was problems. I thought hings would change because we was coming out of high school and we was young and naieve. But while we was living together he was starting to entertain other woman and i was starting to think he didnt care and love me. It made me entertain others as well bt we never slept with them. We just recently broke up because we kept arguing and arguing. I was ready to settle and get married he said he wasnt ready. He still like to party and hang out and im the type i want to be home with my son. We broke up and 2 weeks later hes in a relationship with his new girlfriend. They been together 2 months now he say he really like her but i have his heart because i was his 1st love. He say she do things for him i didnt do like party and rub his back . We dont contact each other at all because when we did we would kiss touch and hug and he said he dont want to do his girlfriend like that because she havent done anything to him. He say he have to check her cell phone everytime she comes over. Im lost and dont know what to do because i love him and he is the father of my son and it hurts me because hes with his new girlfriend

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 2:39 pm

  14. Girl

    July 6, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    Hi Chris I just need some advice. My ex and I got back together after a few months of no contact. We were broken up for like a year and then I spent all that time trying to get him back but when I didn’t message for a couple of months, he messaged me and said how much he missed and how no other girl was like me. We started dating again and it was amazing. We were together for 7 amazing months, we rarely fought, but he treated me so much better and we were both happy. We had a small fight but then he blew it way out of proportion and said he wanted me to leave him alone and he wanted a break up. This came out of nowhere because we were very happy and the very same day he was calling me his wife. I did beg him, I spammed his phone and i got him to agree on a break instead of breaking up. He said he’d take a break and see how he feels after but I’m not sure what to do now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2017 at 3:56 pm

      how are you now? Are you back in nc?

    2. Girl

      July 10, 2017 at 5:57 pm

      Hi. We talked things out but he says he doesn’t want to be with me. He says he’s tired of me but I don’t believe it because there were no signs. I don’t want to do NC. I’ve done NC too many times. I don’t even think I’ll want him back again after NC.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2017 at 9:05 am

      Ok, that means you’re moving on?

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