Will Text Messages Work To Get Your Ex Back?

My Ex Boyfriend Wants Nothing To Do With Me

If youʼve been reading the articles on this site, or have bought the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro System, then you will know that I, Chris Seiter, do a ton of reading and research for the information that I share.

As you might expect, much of this involves the wonderful world of science. Many people can be intimidated by science. But, when it comes to the science of love, it is exactly as we have all been told:

Itʼs chemistry!

According to a March 2010 article featured on menshealth.co.uk, “Love grows out of lust…” They quote Dr. Helen Fisher, author of “Why we Love: the Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.

Fisher says, testosterone and oestrogen- driven desire in both sexes to get out of the house and procreate.

“Itʼs a basic instinct, easily stimulated and relatively indiscriminate.”

As Fisher says, Love grows out of Lust. “Love is dependent on smell to flourish. Attraction between humans is crucially influenced by body odors and pheromones, says Richard Robinson, psychologist and speaker with the British Association for the Advancement of Science.

Being that the article was written for Menʼs Health, it was directed towards a male audience, it states that researchers at the University of California found a few whiffs of a chemical found in male sweat was enough to improve a womanʼs mood, increase her sexual arousal, and elevate her vital signs. So what does this mean for women trying to get a male to care again?

“In each stage, a different set of brain chemicals run the show. These stages are lust, attraction and love.”

According to Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D., in her article for Psychology Today, “The Science of Love and Attachement – How understanding your brain chemicals can help you build a lasting love,” it means quite a lot.

Greenberg incidentally also sights Dr. Helen Fisher, who says that there are three stages of falling in love.

“In each stage, a different set of brain chemicals run the show. These stages are lust, attraction and love.”

Lust is driven by the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women.

In this article for Psychology Today, in March of 2016, Greenberg says Lust is driven by the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women. “Lust occurs across species and may be part of the basic drive to find a partner to spread our genes with. But lust is different that love. Injecting men with testosterone makes them desire a potential lover more, but not necessarily fall in love in a lasting way.”

So, taking what you now know about how Lust works in a Man, being the Ungettable Girl that you are, you can now take your game to the next level. Attraction.

Of the three articles that I talk about in this piece, they have one thing in common.

Attraction.

According to Greenberg, “you begin to obsess about your lover and crave his presence. Your heart races and you donʼt feel like sleeping or eating…

You feel a surge of extra energy and excitement as you fantasize about the things youʼll do together.” All of these feelings Greenberg says, are created by three chemicals: dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.

Dopamine

Increased dopamine, according to Greenberg, is associated with motivation, reward, and goal-directed behavior, “hence the drive to pursue your loved one or create them in a fantasy if you canʼt be with them.” Greenberg also says that

Dopamine creates a sense of novelty; “Your loved one seems exciting, speacial and unique to you and you want to tell the world about his special qualities.

But letʼs break it down a little further as to what dopamine does.

According to Maryanne Fisher, Ph.D., in her article for Psychology Today, in February of 2013, dopamine is the beginning of the chemical process.

“Dopamine, which is created in the brain and adrenal glands, enhances the release testoterone.

Dopmanine affects various organs, including the genitals, the sweat glands, and also the senses.” Fisher asks the reader if they have noticed that during the first stages of love, the sky is bluer, or that you sweat more. Dopamine is partly responsible.

“As a consequense of dopamine being released, mood and emotions are also influenced, leading to feelings of excitement and happiness.”

Meanwhile, Fisher says, testorone increases the sexual desire but also the aggressive behavor, which can account for the push to pursue or chase the one who is fueling the intense response.

Norepinephrine

Norepinephrine, according to Greenberg, is responsible for the extra surge of energy, the racing heart, the possible loss of appetite, and the desire for sleep.

But the effects of Norepinephrine and itʼs friendly sidekick PEA (phenylethylamine) are explained further by Fisher.

“Individuals start to ʻzero-inʼ on the person they desire, and at the same time, often have a feeling of euphoria.”

Fisher explains that nreopinephrine is a stimulant, causing the individual to feel alert, possibly unable to sleep, and enables them to notice the smallest details about their partners. “PEA is respondible for the feelings of giddiness, and may cause the loss of appetite,” says Fisher.

Fisher also points out that if the relationship doesnʼt last, PEA levels fall and are partly responsible for the feelings of depression. This should explain some of the actions and erractic behavior that many feel when they enter into no contact.

Fisher then explains that the “Feedback loop” begins to form at this stage, with the brain reward system becoming involved. “This reward system is influenced by the central nervous system and the contents of the bloodstream…The reward system sends chemical messages via neurotransmitters, to various parts of the body….which causes them to send messages back to the brain.”

“To put it simplistically, if stimulation of the genitals feels good, for example, the the rewards system receives this information and causes one to seek more for what was pleasurable.”

Fisher also adds that anticipation alone can cause a biolgical response and stimulate the reward system at this phase.

Serotonin

Greenberg states that scientists think serotonin probably decreases at this stage, but that more studies need to be done. “Low levels of serotonin are found in obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and are thought to cause obsessive thinking.”

Itʼs important to point out also that Fisher brings up a touchy subject here; where the relationship goes from here.

“Some might fear the possibility of rejections, which overrides their enjoyment of falling in love. Others may be scared about committing to the relationship, or be overly needy and clingy and as a result drive their lover away.”

“If things are going well, it gets replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which create the desire to bond, affiliate with, and nurture your partner.”

You want to cuddle and be close and share your deepest secrets with her. You plan and dream together

Itʼs important that my readers keep this in mind as they are re-establishing connections with their Exes. Fisher takes into account, your possible clingy behavior, and his possibly fear of commitment.

So what does all this lead to in the best case scenario?

According to Greenberg, Attachment (or as we said before, love), which in turn leads to the release of more chemicals. Greenberg says that attachment involves wanting to make a more lasting commitment to your loved one. “This is the point at which you may move in together, get married and/or have children.” Greenberg goes on to explain that after about four years in a relationship, dopamine decreases and attraction goes down. “If things are going well, it gets replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which create the desire to bond, affiliate with, and nurture your partner. You want to cuddle and be close and share your deepest secrets with her. You plan and dream together.”

Oxytocin

Oxytocin, according to Greenberg, is a hormone released during orgasm and during childbirth and breastfeeding.

“This may be the reason why sex is thought to bring couples closer together and be the ʻglueʼ that binds the relationship.”

Greenberg also points out that there is a dark side to oxytocin, which again, to me explains some of the erratic behavior after a breakup. “It seems to play a role in needy, clinging behaviors and jealousy,” says Greenberg.

Vasopressin

Greenberg points to a study to illustrate the effects of Vasopressin.

“Scientists learned about the role of vasopressin in attachment by studying the prairie vole, a small creature that forms monogamous bonds like humans do.”

When male praire voles were given a drug that suppresses vasopressin,” says Greenberg, “they began neglecting their partners and not fighting off other male voles who wanted to mate with her.”

So what does all this mean when you are trying to get your Ex Boyfriend to care again?

It gives you an edge. See you now understand the mechanics of what the body is doing, and how to make this work for you, in getting him to care again, and to keep a relationship. As Greenberg says, “It helps you develop more realistic expectations of your relationships.”

Greenberg offers the following tips:

  • Donʼt mistake lust for love. Give a new relationship time before you start dreaming of a future together.
  • Keep the dopamine flowing in a long-term relationship by having date nights, taking lessons, or going on trips in which you do novel and exciting things together. (Much like what I say when you hit the meeting/dating phase. Go on a date that helps them bond with you!)
  • Keep the oxytocin flowing with sex and intimacy. Write cards and love notes, hugs and kiss, think of your partner when they arenʼt around, and share your hopes, dreams, and support those of your partner.
  • If your the jealous, controlling type, start developing your own activities and friendships (which you should have picked up during No Contact!) that make you feel important and cared about.
  • Itʼs also important to point out some of the facts in the menshealth.co.uk article, which says that “PEA also occurs in chocolate and strawberries.” Richard Robinson says PEA kicks in when we feel excited. “So if you want someone to fall for you, take them on a rollercoaster and feed them strawberries.” (Again this takes me back to the meeting/dating phase.)

Taking all of the science-y information into consideration, along with your new found confidence and focus on yourself that you should have found in your No Contact phase, you should have all the tools and insight that should lay your foundation for getting your ex back.

Make no mistake though, you could realize at this point you either donʼt want him back. A lot too depends on the mindset of your ex.

But this knowledge, combined with Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, should give you what you need to get started on getting him to care again.

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

10 responses to “My Ex Boyfriend Wants Nothing To Do With Me”

  1. clara says:

    I’ve been acquainted and in relationship with my bf for 6 years. Last year we broke up, he met with his new gf and only for 8 months. Finally he back to me and regretted all that was done. Yesterday he shared that in deep his heart he don’t know what actually he wants. For my side hope that he can make a decision to marry me. What shud i do?

  2. Dayana says:

    Hi, thanks for your helpful website. I have a crush on a guy, i bumped into him on instagram via a common freind, asked him some questions and he gave his number, i didn’t contact him until i talked to him once a again after 2 weeks on instagram and he urged to talk on phone. But we had brief talk, i felt as if he only wanted to satisfy his curisity and finally i ended up putting my cards on table. I told him i liked him, asked if he had a gf or not… he said he didn’t have for almost a year… he had a breakup last year… he said it’s ok us tobe freinds… he is 32 yo and me 30… then he called me and told me sexual matters are important to him. I refused to and he got cold sort of… i tried to get close to him as i really like him… but he acts as if he doesn’t care me and he forces to reply! I don’t know what to do! All happend in a short period of time … what do you think?

  3. Girl2 says:

    Hello. I was with my boyfriend for 1 full year then we was off and on for 7 years. We got a 5 year old son and was living together. Since day one there was problems. I thought hings would change because we was coming out of high school and we was young and naieve. But while we was living together he was starting to entertain other woman and i was starting to think he didnt care and love me. It made me entertain others as well bt we never slept with them. We just recently broke up because we kept arguing and arguing. I was ready to settle and get married he said he wasnt ready. He still like to party and hang out and im the type i want to be home with my son. We broke up and 2 weeks later hes in a relationship with his new girlfriend. They been together 2 months now he say he really like her but i have his heart because i was his 1st love. He say she do things for him i didnt do like party and rub his back . We dont contact each other at all because when we did we would kiss touch and hug and he said he dont want to do his girlfriend like that because she havent done anything to him. He say he have to check her cell phone everytime she comes over. Im lost and dont know what to do because i love him and he is the father of my son and it hurts me because hes with his new girlfriend

  4. Girl says:

    Hi Chris I just need some advice. My ex and I got back together after a few months of no contact. We were broken up for like a year and then I spent all that time trying to get him back but when I didn’t message for a couple of months, he messaged me and said how much he missed and how no other girl was like me. We started dating again and it was amazing. We were together for 7 amazing months, we rarely fought, but he treated me so much better and we were both happy. We had a small fight but then he blew it way out of proportion and said he wanted me to leave him alone and he wanted a break up. This came out of nowhere because we were very happy and the very same day he was calling me his wife. I did beg him, I spammed his phone and i got him to agree on a break instead of breaking up. He said he’d take a break and see how he feels after but I’m not sure what to do now.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      how are you now? Are you back in nc?

    • Girl says:

      Hi. We talked things out but he says he doesn’t want to be with me. He says he’s tired of me but I don’t believe it because there were no signs. I don’t want to do NC. I’ve done NC too many times. I don’t even think I’ll want him back again after NC.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Ok, that means you’re moving on?

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