My Ex Boyfriend Wants Nothing To Do With Me

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

If youʼve been reading the articles on this site, or have bought the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro System, then you will know that I, Chris Seiter, do a ton of reading and research for the information that I share.

As you might expect, much of this involves the wonderful world of science. Many people can be intimidated by science. But, when it comes to the science of love, it is exactly as we have all been told:

Itʼs chemistry!

According to a March 2010 article featured on menshealth.co.uk, “Love grows out of lust…” They quote Dr. Helen Fisher, author of “Why we Love: the Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.

Fisher says, testosterone and oestrogen- driven desire in both sexes to get out of the house and procreate.

“Itʼs a basic instinct, easily stimulated and relatively indiscriminate.”

As Fisher says, Love grows out of Lust. “Love is dependent on smell to flourish. Attraction between humans is crucially influenced by body odors and pheromones, says Richard Robinson, psychologist and speaker with the British Association for the Advancement of Science.

Being that the article was written for Menʼs Health, it was directed towards a male audience, it states that researchers at the University of California found a few whiffs of a chemical found in male sweat was enough to improve a womanʼs mood, increase her sexual arousal, and elevate her vital signs. So what does this mean for women trying to get a male to care again?

“In each stage, a different set of brain chemicals run the show. These stages are lust, attraction and love.”

According to Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D., in her article for Psychology Today, “The Science of Love and Attachement – How understanding your brain chemicals can help you build a lasting love,” it means quite a lot.

Greenberg incidentally also sights Dr. Helen Fisher, who says that there are three stages of falling in love.

“In each stage, a different set of brain chemicals run the show. These stages are lust, attraction and love.”

Lust is driven by the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women.

In this article for Psychology Today, in March of 2016, Greenberg says Lust is driven by the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women. “Lust occurs across species and may be part of the basic drive to find a partner to spread our genes with. But lust is different that love. Injecting men with testosterone makes them desire a potential lover more, but not necessarily fall in love in a lasting way.”

So, taking what you now know about how Lust works in a Man, being the Ungettable Girl that you are, you can now take your game to the next level. Attraction.

Of the three articles that I talk about in this piece, they have one thing in common.

Attraction.

According to Greenberg, “you begin to obsess about your lover and crave his presence. Your heart races and you donʼt feel like sleeping or eating…

You feel a surge of extra energy and excitement as you fantasize about the things youʼll do together.” All of these feelings Greenberg says, are created by three chemicals: dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.

Dopamine

Increased dopamine, according to Greenberg, is associated with motivation, reward, and goal-directed behavior, “hence the drive to pursue your loved one or create them in a fantasy if you canʼt be with them.” Greenberg also says that

Dopamine creates a sense of novelty; “Your loved one seems exciting, speacial and unique to you and you want to tell the world about his special qualities.

But letʼs break it down a little further as to what dopamine does.

According to Maryanne Fisher, Ph.D., in her article for Psychology Today, in February of 2013, dopamine is the beginning of the chemical process.

“Dopamine, which is created in the brain and adrenal glands, enhances the release testoterone.

Dopmanine affects various organs, including the genitals, the sweat glands, and also the senses.” Fisher asks the reader if they have noticed that during the first stages of love, the sky is bluer, or that you sweat more. Dopamine is partly responsible.

“As a consequense of dopamine being released, mood and emotions are also influenced, leading to feelings of excitement and happiness.”

Meanwhile, Fisher says, testorone increases the sexual desire but also the aggressive behavor, which can account for the push to pursue or chase the one who is fueling the intense response.

Norepinephrine

Norepinephrine, according to Greenberg, is responsible for the extra surge of energy, the racing heart, the possible loss of appetite, and the desire for sleep.

But the effects of Norepinephrine and itʼs friendly sidekick PEA (phenylethylamine) are explained further by Fisher.

“Individuals start to ʻzero-inʼ on the person they desire, and at the same time, often have a feeling of euphoria.”

Fisher explains that nreopinephrine is a stimulant, causing the individual to feel alert, possibly unable to sleep, and enables them to notice the smallest details about their partners. “PEA is respondible for the feelings of giddiness, and may cause the loss of appetite,” says Fisher.

Fisher also points out that if the relationship doesnʼt last, PEA levels fall and are partly responsible for the feelings of depression. This should explain some of the actions and erractic behavior that many feel when they enter into no contact.

Fisher then explains that the “Feedback loop” begins to form at this stage, with the brain reward system becoming involved. “This reward system is influenced by the central nervous system and the contents of the bloodstream…The reward system sends chemical messages via neurotransmitters, to various parts of the body….which causes them to send messages back to the brain.”

“To put it simplistically, if stimulation of the genitals feels good, for example, the the rewards system receives this information and causes one to seek more for what was pleasurable.”

Fisher also adds that anticipation alone can cause a biolgical response and stimulate the reward system at this phase.

Serotonin

Greenberg states that scientists think serotonin probably decreases at this stage, but that more studies need to be done. “Low levels of serotonin are found in obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and are thought to cause obsessive thinking.”

Itʼs important to point out also that Fisher brings up a touchy subject here; where the relationship goes from here.

“Some might fear the possibility of rejections, which overrides their enjoyment of falling in love. Others may be scared about committing to the relationship, or be overly needy and clingy and as a result drive their lover away.”

“If things are going well, it gets replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which create the desire to bond, affiliate with, and nurture your partner.”

You want to cuddle and be close and share your deepest secrets with her. You plan and dream together

Itʼs important that my readers keep this in mind as they are re-establishing connections with their Exes. Fisher takes into account, your possible clingy behavior, and his possibly fear of commitment.

So what does all this lead to in the best case scenario?

According to Greenberg, Attachment (or as we said before, love), which in turn leads to the release of more chemicals. Greenberg says that attachment involves wanting to make a more lasting commitment to your loved one. “This is the point at which you may move in together, get married and/or have children.” Greenberg goes on to explain that after about four years in a relationship, dopamine decreases and attraction goes down. “If things are going well, it gets replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which create the desire to bond, affiliate with, and nurture your partner. You want to cuddle and be close and share your deepest secrets with her. You plan and dream together.”

Oxytocin

Oxytocin, according to Greenberg, is a hormone released during orgasm and during childbirth and breastfeeding.

“This may be the reason why sex is thought to bring couples closer together and be the ʻglueʼ that binds the relationship.”

Greenberg also points out that there is a dark side to oxytocin, which again, to me explains some of the erratic behavior after a breakup. “It seems to play a role in needy, clinging behaviors and jealousy,” says Greenberg.

Vasopressin

Greenberg points to a study to illustrate the effects of Vasopressin.

“Scientists learned about the role of vasopressin in attachment by studying the prairie vole, a small creature that forms monogamous bonds like humans do.”

When male praire voles were given a drug that suppresses vasopressin,” says Greenberg, “they began neglecting their partners and not fighting off other male voles who wanted to mate with her.”

So what does all this mean when you are trying to get your Ex Boyfriend to care again?

It gives you an edge. See you now understand the mechanics of what the body is doing, and how to make this work for you, in getting him to care again, and to keep a relationship. As Greenberg says, “It helps you develop more realistic expectations of your relationships.”

Greenberg offers the following tips:

  • Donʼt mistake lust for love. Give a new relationship time before you start dreaming of a future together.
  • Keep the dopamine flowing in a long-term relationship by having date nights, taking lessons, or going on trips in which you do novel and exciting things together. (Much like what I say when you hit the meeting/dating phase. Go on a date that helps them bond with you!)
  • Keep the oxytocin flowing with sex and intimacy. Write cards and love notes, hugs and kiss, think of your partner when they arenʼt around, and share your hopes, dreams, and support those of your partner.
  • If your the jealous, controlling type, start developing your own activities and friendships (which you should have picked up during No Contact!) that make you feel important and cared about.
  • Itʼs also important to point out some of the facts in the menshealth.co.uk article, which says that “PEA also occurs in chocolate and strawberries.” Richard Robinson says PEA kicks in when we feel excited. “So if you want someone to fall for you, take them on a rollercoaster and feed them strawberries.” (Again this takes me back to the meeting/dating phase.)

Taking all of the science-y information into consideration, along with your new found confidence and focus on yourself that you should have found in your No Contact phase, you should have all the tools and insight that should lay your foundation for getting your ex back.

Make no mistake though, you could realize at this point you either donʼt want him back. A lot too depends on the mindset of your ex.

But this knowledge, combined with Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, should give you what you need to get started on getting him to care again.

July 5, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (4)

  1. Girl - 0

    Girl

    Hi Chris I just need some advice. My ex and I got back together after a few months of no contact. We were broken up for like a year and then I spent all that time trying to get him back but when I didn’t message for a couple of months, he messaged me and said how much he missed and how no other girl was like me. We started dating again and it was amazing. We were together for 7 amazing months, we rarely fought, but he treated me so much better and we were both happy. We had a small fight but then he blew it way out of proportion and said he wanted me to leave him alone and he wanted a break up. This came out of nowhere because we were very happy and the very same day he was calling me his wife. I did beg him, I spammed his phone and i got him to agree on a break instead of breaking up. He said he’d take a break and see how he feels after but I’m not sure what to do now.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      how are you now? Are you back in nc?

    • Girl - 0

      Girl

      Hi. We talked things out but he says he doesn’t want to be with me. He says he’s tired of me but I don’t believe it because there were no signs. I don’t want to do NC. I’ve done NC too many times. I don’t even think I’ll want him back again after NC.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ok, that means you’re moving on?

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