If youʼve been reading the articles on this site, or have bought the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro System, then you will know that I, Chris Seiter, do a ton of reading and research for the information that I share.
As you might expect, much of this involves the wonderful world of science. Many people can be intimidated by science. But, when it comes to the science of love, it is exactly as we have all been told:
Itʼs chemistry!
According to a March 2010 article featured on menshealth.co.uk, “Love grows out of lust…” They quote Dr. Helen Fisher, author of “Why we Love: the Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.”
Fisher says, testosterone and oestrogen- driven desire in both sexes to get out of the house and procreate.
“Itʼs a basic instinct, easily stimulated and relatively indiscriminate.”
As Fisher says, Love grows out of Lust. “Love is dependent on smell to flourish. Attraction between humans is crucially influenced by body odors and pheromones, says Richard Robinson, psychologist and speaker with the British Association for the Advancement of Science.
Being that the article was written for Menʼs Health, it was directed towards a male audience, it states that researchers at the University of California found a few whiffs of a chemical found in male sweat was enough to improve a womanʼs mood, increase her sexual arousal, and elevate her vital signs. So what does this mean for women trying to get a male to care again?
“In each stage, a different set of brain chemicals run the show. These stages are lust, attraction and love.”
According to Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D., in her article for Psychology Today, “The Science of Love and Attachement – How understanding your brain chemicals can help you build a lasting love,” it means quite a lot.
Greenberg incidentally also sights Dr. Helen Fisher, who says that there are three stages of falling in love.
“In each stage, a different set of brain chemicals run the show. These stages are lust, attraction and love.”
Lust is driven by the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women.
In this article for Psychology Today, in March of 2016, Greenberg says Lust is driven by the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women. “Lust occurs across species and may be part of the basic drive to find a partner to spread our genes with. But lust is different that love. Injecting men with testosterone makes them desire a potential lover more, but not necessarily fall in love in a lasting way.”
So, taking what you now know about how Lust works in a Man, being the Ungettable Girl that you are, you can now take your game to the next level. Attraction.
Of the three articles that I talk about in this piece, they have one thing in common.
Attraction.
According to Greenberg, “you begin to obsess about your lover and crave his presence. Your heart races and you donʼt feel like sleeping or eating…
You feel a surge of extra energy and excitement as you fantasize about the things youʼll do together.” All of these feelings Greenberg says, are created by three chemicals: dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizDopamine
Increased dopamine, according to Greenberg, is associated with motivation, reward, and goal-directed behavior, “hence the drive to pursue your loved one or create them in a fantasy if you canʼt be with them.” Greenberg also says that
Dopamine creates a sense of novelty; “Your loved one seems exciting, speacial and unique to you and you want to tell the world about his special qualities.
But letʼs break it down a little further as to what dopamine does.
According to Maryanne Fisher, Ph.D., in her article for Psychology Today, in February of 2013, dopamine is the beginning of the chemical process.
“Dopamine, which is created in the brain and adrenal glands, enhances the release testoterone.
Dopmanine affects various organs, including the genitals, the sweat glands, and also the senses.” Fisher asks the reader if they have noticed that during the first stages of love, the sky is bluer, or that you sweat more. Dopamine is partly responsible.
“As a consequense of dopamine being released, mood and emotions are also influenced, leading to feelings of excitement and happiness.”
Meanwhile, Fisher says, testorone increases the sexual desire but also the aggressive behavor, which can account for the push to pursue or chase the one who is fueling the intense response.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizNorepinephrine
Norepinephrine, according to Greenberg, is responsible for the extra surge of energy, the racing heart, the possible loss of appetite, and the desire for sleep.
But the effects of Norepinephrine and itʼs friendly sidekick PEA (phenylethylamine) are explained further by Fisher.
“Individuals start to ʻzero-inʼ on the person they desire, and at the same time, often have a feeling of euphoria.”
Fisher explains that nreopinephrine is a stimulant, causing the individual to feel alert, possibly unable to sleep, and enables them to notice the smallest details about their partners. “PEA is respondible for the feelings of giddiness, and may cause the loss of appetite,” says Fisher.
Fisher also points out that if the relationship doesnʼt last, PEA levels fall and are partly responsible for the feelings of depression. This should explain some of the actions and erractic behavior that many feel when they enter into no contact.
Fisher then explains that the “Feedback loop” begins to form at this stage, with the brain reward system becoming involved. “This reward system is influenced by the central nervous system and the contents of the bloodstream…The reward system sends chemical messages via neurotransmitters, to various parts of the body….which causes them to send messages back to the brain.”
“To put it simplistically, if stimulation of the genitals feels good, for example, the the rewards system receives this information and causes one to seek more for what was pleasurable.”
Fisher also adds that anticipation alone can cause a biolgical response and stimulate the reward system at this phase.
Serotonin
Greenberg states that scientists think serotonin probably decreases at this stage, but that more studies need to be done. “Low levels of serotonin are found in obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and are thought to cause obsessive thinking.”
Itʼs important to point out also that Fisher brings up a touchy subject here; where the relationship goes from here.
“Some might fear the possibility of rejections, which overrides their enjoyment of falling in love. Others may be scared about committing to the relationship, or be overly needy and clingy and as a result drive their lover away.”
“If things are going well, it gets replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which create the desire to bond, affiliate with, and nurture your partner.”
You want to cuddle and be close and share your deepest secrets with her. You plan and dream together
Itʼs important that my readers keep this in mind as they are re-establishing connections with their Exes. Fisher takes into account, your possible clingy behavior, and his possibly fear of commitment.
So what does all this lead to in the best case scenario?
According to Greenberg, Attachment (or as we said before, love), which in turn leads to the release of more chemicals. Greenberg says that attachment involves wanting to make a more lasting commitment to your loved one. “This is the point at which you may move in together, get married and/or have children.” Greenberg goes on to explain that after about four years in a relationship, dopamine decreases and attraction goes down. “If things are going well, it gets replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which create the desire to bond, affiliate with, and nurture your partner. You want to cuddle and be close and share your deepest secrets with her. You plan and dream together.”
Oxytocin
Oxytocin, according to Greenberg, is a hormone released during orgasm and during childbirth and breastfeeding.
“This may be the reason why sex is thought to bring couples closer together and be the ʻglueʼ that binds the relationship.”
Greenberg also points out that there is a dark side to oxytocin, which again, to me explains some of the erratic behavior after a breakup. “It seems to play a role in needy, clinging behaviors and jealousy,” says Greenberg.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizVasopressin
Greenberg points to a study to illustrate the effects of Vasopressin.
“Scientists learned about the role of vasopressin in attachment by studying the prairie vole, a small creature that forms monogamous bonds like humans do.”
When male praire voles were given a drug that suppresses vasopressin,” says Greenberg, “they began neglecting their partners and not fighting off other male voles who wanted to mate with her.”
So what does all this mean when you are trying to get your Ex Boyfriend to care again?
It gives you an edge. See you now understand the mechanics of what the body is doing, and how to make this work for you, in getting him to care again, and to keep a relationship. As Greenberg says, “It helps you develop more realistic expectations of your relationships.”
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizGreenberg offers the following tips:
- Donʼt mistake lust for love. Give a new relationship time before you start dreaming of a future together.
- Keep the dopamine flowing in a long-term relationship by having date nights, taking lessons, or going on trips in which you do novel and exciting things together. (Much like what I say when you hit the meeting/dating phase. Go on a date that helps them bond with you!)
- Keep the oxytocin flowing with sex and intimacy. Write cards and love notes, hugs and kiss, think of your partner when they arenʼt around, and share your hopes, dreams, and support those of your partner.
- If your the jealous, controlling type, start developing your own activities and friendships (which you should have picked up during No Contact!) that make you feel important and cared about.
- Itʼs also important to point out some of the facts in the menshealth.co.uk article, which says that “PEA also occurs in chocolate and strawberries.” Richard Robinson says PEA kicks in when we feel excited. “So if you want someone to fall for you, take them on a rollercoaster and feed them strawberries.” (Again this takes me back to the meeting/dating phase.)
Taking all of the science-y information into consideration, along with your new found confidence and focus on yourself that you should have found in your No Contact phase, you should have all the tools and insight that should lay your foundation for getting your ex back.
Make no mistake though, you could realize at this point you either donʼt want him back. A lot too depends on the mindset of your ex.
But this knowledge, combined with Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro, should give you what you need to get started on getting him to care again.
Mylyrose Christine Pones
February 26, 2019 at 5:02 am
Hello Coaches,
I have been always reading the blogs of your site. I am planning to have the private session but Im kinda broken this month, hopefully soon. My Ex and I broke up, 1month already and I have been doing the radio silence ever since the closure has done. We have been together for 3yrs.and I am a single mother.
Im inspired with all of your advices but honestly im not really sure what I want for now. I am the one who always baiting the “break-up” matter but he does not always agrees. Until the end of January we had the big fight, and he have been so busy with his job, and it feels like he doesn’t care that much like the way he used to be. So I started telling him about the “break-up” thing and I was really surprised he agreed. The first time I saw him not mad and agreed to break-up. At first I felt like finally he released me.. He kept on giving me the mixed signals for the 1st 2weeks after break-up but I always ignores him. I wanted to have the dignity with the break up that I brought and its been like 2weeks also that he stopped contacting me. Do you think he already gave up and will never chase me anymore? Im starting to miss him but still on my radio silence. Please I need an advice.. Thank you
Chris Seiter
February 26, 2019 at 10:40 pm
Hi there Mylyrose….Since you started NC and he understand a break could be beneficial to you both, then its probably best to continue moving forward with your NC period. But its important you understand how to implement it properly. So feel free to tap into any of my Program resources!
Zita
January 31, 2019 at 5:28 pm
My ex and I split in September 2017. After a hectic, on off relationship of 1.5 years. He said he hated me ,wanted nothing to do with me, and was so mean to me, and that he found someone else. I believe he is still with her. After we split, I did everything every single site I’ve read mentioned about moving on: got a new hobby, worked towards and got a promotion, dating a few guys and even worked on moving to Asia. And 2018 was amazing. I didn’t even think about him. Just moved on as hard as it was. Now, Jan 2019 and I’m dreaming about him when I haven’t even thought about him until the dreams started. Now, it is like my heart is breaking again and i don’t know what to do. It took so much effort last year to rebuild myself after our split and I was doing so well!! Now, these dreams are destroying me. What do i do?
Chris Seiter
February 1, 2019 at 12:24 am
Hi Zita!
Good for you in finding yourself and moving forward with new things in your life. I know…I know. Dreams of an ex can just pull you right back into some old feelings. But its normal to have dreams. You mind has a mind of its on! You are going to be find. Just make little mental suggestions to yourself to dream of other things before you turn in. As time passes…the dreams will become less.
Natasha
January 15, 2019 at 7:52 am
Hi chris me and my then boyfriend was together for 4 years but hes ok but most of the time he makes me sad he cheated on me and i really think hes bipolar he block me on watsapps what can i do i still love him
Chris Seiter
January 16, 2019 at 4:02 am
Hi Natasha!
Time for you to focus on “you” and perhaps its time to implement no contact.
Heartbroken Friend
January 11, 2019 at 7:26 pm
Ex broke up argued and he would get mad and say bye B he tried to apologize but I was still mad after that and months of verbal abuse I called him gay due to some things he told me he broke up saying we always argue nothing is going to change and not going into new yr arguing I’m no longer talking to you been 11 days is this time of many break ups final seems he made up his mind will not respond to texts or calls
He is also my best friend that we talked and shared everything with each other
Tracy
November 9, 2018 at 4:25 pm
Long Post
Hi, I’ve been with my ex boyfriend on and off for about 2.5 years. Now, he always seems to be hot and cold and from studying his behaviour I think he may be bipolar, so does his mum with him being up and down at times. When we are good, we are really good. We have a lot in common and get on like a house on fire. He split up with me because he wanted to be on his own before the summer but we were also in contact. During that time I started working on myself, joined the gym and got myself a personal trainer and lost weight. After an argument I decided to do NC. After of weeks NC he came back telling how he didn’t make effort, he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. We got back together the beginning of Sept 2018 and everything was amazing but I went on the holiday with my single friend that we both were meant to go on at the beginning of Oct 2018 (I changed the name when we were apart because he was adamant he wasn’t going) and on holiday he noticed I was getting a lot of attention from men (unwanted may I add). My ex bf thinks I cheated on him on holiday and nothing I say or do can convince him that I haven’t. He dumped me saying he doesn’t trust me or women (his ex slept with someone behind his back) and removed me off every social media account. I was very happy when we got back together and I wouldn’t have gave him another chance if I wanted to play the field. I have currently been in no contact for 4 weeks however he has contacted me a few times in regards to me getting my things and other financial matters. However I was out at a family event last weekend and changed my WhatsApp and FB profile picture (made it public so he could see) of me looking dolled up, slimmer, and feeling great. I got a lot of likes and comments on my weight loss on FB. That night my ex texted me and sent a cheeky message telling me that I wont like to hear this but he has moved on that’s why he hasn’t contacted me only to talk about my things he needs to drop to his mums but keeps forgetting. Now my ex he has dropped a few things over to his mums which I have collected but he still has other things he says he “forgot”. He has been over in his mums 3 times since that and still haven’t brought them over. I did not react to his message and I said thank you and told him I wished him luck and happiness in life and he told me thank you and at least we didn’t leave things on bad terms.
My ex is very stubborn and I do want him back, I feel he’s insecure due to my weight loss and is being very erratic as I said he can be up and down. I have never cheated (in my life) and I am very much attracted to him and want to work things out. I have not contacted him once in 4 weeks only to respond to his messages about my personal things. Any advice please?
Sonia
September 3, 2018 at 11:28 pm
Hello 🙂 Is there a “maximum” length for the no contact period, like if they don’t reach out in a while, is there a point or period of time after which you should break NC? If there isn’t a specific time period, how do you determine how long to keep NC? My relationship was a total of almost 9 months after having been close friends for 14 months and he doesn’t want a relationship nor friendship anymore because I was too clingy to him. What should one do if it’s not possible to break NC because you are still fully blocked in that time frame? I’m sorry for the number of questions, and thank you so much for any guidance on my situation!!
Chris Seiter
September 4, 2018 at 9:33 pm
Hi Sonia….usually around 45 days is the most I recommend. Given the number o questions you have on NC, I recommend you pick up my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book. It is rather comprehensive and goes into all kinds of details about the entire process.
Sonia
September 2, 2018 at 12:32 pm
What do I do if he wants nothing to do with me because I was too clingy and now has me blocked everywhere and we don’t see each other unless we plan to? Thank you so much!
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2018 at 8:25 pm
Sonia…have you tried no contact yet? Have you picked up any of the books in my program? Lots of help in those resources.
Gabby
August 10, 2018 at 8:49 am
Hi, my international distance ex bf of 1 and a half year broke up with me during a huge and ugly fight and I held him on the phone for 9hours discussing, asking why,pleading, hoping and he said he couldn’t breath and asked me to not visit him while we were suppose to meet this summer after our last trip to Europe this jan. We basically meet twice a year, four time total. I did no contact after our hurtful, forceful break up last phone call and after 66days I reached out with good memory text twice but he didn’t reply up to three month plus now. I miss him so much and started realizing both of our mistakes. Has he move on if he claimed to love me and took me to 7 countries to explore with before ? Can we get back together still ?
Amy
May 13, 2018 at 1:10 pm
Hi Chris! Here’s my story: I’ve been dating a guy for 1 1/2 years. He’s broken up with me a few times before by text or email, never by phone or in person. He broke up with me a little over a month ago for really dumb reasons. Tired of the on and off again, I gave the 30 days NC a try. Anytime he has broken up in the past, I always make the first contact and we end up back together. This time, he broke up with me by email and I’ve never spoken to him since. I waited 30 days of NC and sent a text to him. So far, it’s been a couple of days and no response. I don’t understand how a guy can profess his love by text at 1:00 and at 4:00 send a breakup email with no other contact. Should I just stop trying to understand and move on?
Chris Seiter
May 13, 2018 at 3:40 pm
Hi Amy…I agree. It is so insensitive for someone to break up with anyone by email or text. Its also immature and reveals a lot about the character of the person. You should give serious consideration to moving on and at most putting in place a 60 NC. If you feel you would benefit from some ongoing support of other ladies who have been thru similar situations, consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. There are about 1500 women in the group right now and there is a lot of synergy and idea sharing. Just to to my website Menu/click products link to learn more!
Sonic the hedgehog
May 12, 2018 at 12:25 am
Will no contact work if your ex tells you that they don’t want to even be friends with you? Or will they move on during no contact? What would you say is the best course of action in a situation like this? It’s been a week since we’ve dropped communication.
Chris Seiter
May 12, 2018 at 6:13 am
Hi Sonic…cool name! Guys will say things, so don’t always take them literally ….at least not until they repeat it frequently over time. I think you will benefit from a closer examination of tactics covered in my ebook, Ex Recovery Pro. Simply go to the Menu section of this site and click on “Products”. Hang in there, it may seem a bit hopeless, but it always does in the first week! These can be emotional times and and a little help can go long ways.
Sonic the hedgehog
May 12, 2018 at 6:37 pm
See… we initially broke up in December after about five months together and tried to get back together last month. We broke up after a couple weeks following an argument (we really weren’t ready), so this isn’t exactly the first week. I can’t afford much right now unfortunately so I’m limited to using online resources. If there’s one piece of advice you could offer for my situation, what would it be? I want to get it right this time.
Chris Seiter
May 12, 2018 at 11:10 pm
Hi there again….I would be quite the genius if I could roll out one line of advice to solve complication relationship situations!! I certainly am no genius! But my sense is that implementing No Contact in the right way has some upside benefits for both of you. Use my website as a research hub for getting more information about things you might try. My ebooks organizes the material much better and offers some new insights and tools, but you will find a lot of value throughout my website. Also, it is critically important you take of your own self recovery needs as breakups are hard on people, so allow time for healing and reflection and their are exercises and activities you can engage in to accomplish much of that! Let me know how it goes for you Sonic!
Emma
January 29, 2018 at 4:27 pm
Hi
I was with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, we were in the process of buying a house together and with a few weeks of completion he told me that he no longer loves me and hasn’t felt the same way about me for the last few months this was in November 2017. We tried for a few weeks to make it better (well I tried) and then on 13th December he told me to stop trying, so I did, I personally from that day have not text him first once, but he has reached out to me a couple of times at the beginning of January which I did reply to his messages. I then a few weeks after that bumped into him at the gym he asked if I was ok and I just said yep. I couldn’t physically looking at him because I didn’t want to see that the way he looks at me isn’t the same anymore. Since then I have been staying on the no contact rule, but I feel too scared to get back into contact with him because I don’t want to feel the pain of rejection again. What am I supposed to do if I am not willing to contact him? Will he get to a point of contacting me? I feel like this is completely the end now and it makes me so sad.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2018 at 5:00 pm
Hi Emma,
it’s better to be rejected than to regret that you didn’t take the chance to do right thing just because you’re afraid.
Melissa
January 14, 2018 at 5:39 pm
Hi Chris, my ex and I have been broken up a few weeks now. We tried to go straight into being friends but I recently asked for some time apart since it was obvious I still had feelings and was being clingy. He’s said he doesn’t see a future with me romantically but does still have feelings for me. My question is, is it possible to successfully do a NC when you have formally asked for time apart? Will he not just assume I will contact him once I am over the break up? Also, how can I possibly redeem myself after appearing so needy?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 15, 2018 at 1:00 pm
Hi Melissa,
Yeah, it’s still possible.. If you’re needy, he probably doesn’t expect you to not initiate.. check this one:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy
Kate
January 7, 2018 at 5:45 am
Hi Chris,
Me and my ex were together for a year and a half: we were in a long distance relationship as we attend seperate universities. (Last year he attended an all boys school and this year he switched to co-ed)
Our relationship has always been perfect! It felt like we were always in the honeymoon stage! He would always say he wanted to marry me on a daily basis! But then 2 weeks into him attending the new school he started to change a lot!! It was almost like a switch turned off for him and he suddenly said he is scared to think about a future with me right now because of how young we are (were 19).
He became more and more distant and then a week ago we broke up when he came home for christmas. (He said it was because our relationship wasn’t fun anymore)I did not cry when he broke up with me I just accepted the breakup meanwhile he cried, and got very emotional. He even stayed to hang out with me 2 hours after we broke up and before he left me kissed me good bye. We ended on an extremely positive note! I wanted him to see the best version of myself if that was the last time he would see me for a while. He told his best friend he never wants to delete our social media pictures together – and hopes I don’t, and that he doesnt want to tell anyone about our break up- he then told his best friend that he can see himself getting back together with me some day.
Everyone thinks the breakup occurred because he wants the chance to be single in university, and they think in the summer he will try to rekindle what we had. He even kept saying things to me like ”I will never stop loving you, that will never change.” HELP! I am so confused and do not know what to do!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 9, 2018 at 8:41 pm
Hi Kate,
are you going to do the nc rule? And check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
Rachel Maleh
December 31, 2017 at 6:12 am
Hi Chris,
I’m 17 years older than my ex so I’m kind of thinking I really have no chance, he blocked me from all social media, but when he saw me a month ago he said maybe he would let me back into his life slowly , we have a lot of the same friends and he doesn’t want to be around me, I have completely left him alone but now I wonder if he even cares or thinks about me at all or just erased me from his thoughts.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 11:09 pm
Hi Rachel,
When did you break up? It’s better to assume that he has moved on rather than clinging to what’s left.. if he has moved on, and sees or talks to you again today, would he regret not having you?
worried
December 30, 2017 at 2:33 pm
My ex and I were engaged.We was together 3 years but he was my best friend for 8.We had a stupid argument and broke up.He has been in a few rebound relationships.He tried coming back and I’ve pushed him away but still love him.He rub this last relationship and even told me he married her after only 6 weeks(he lied).He hasn’t contacted me like all the other times is been 2 months n I changed my number.I d is text him and he replied angry.What should I do now?I really love him but we both stubborn.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 31, 2017 at 10:31 pm
Hi,
honestly, for me you should move on..
Tina
December 28, 2017 at 7:11 am
Hi,
I dated this guy for a few months. He broke up with me. I regrettably became the text gnat and so he defriended me on facebook. We stopped talking for a month after that.
Then we talked again. I asked him to speak on the phone and we talked for an hour. He doesn’t want to be friends and he said he doesn’t have feelings for me.
He doesn’t want to meet me in person. I know I shouldnt text him but he always replies and I feel like there is a chance. Is there anyway I can get him back? or I should just move on
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2017 at 7:09 pm
HI TIna,
how much did you improve that time and how active were you in posting and how long were you building rapport when he said he didn’t want to be friends? And why did he say that? Did you ask him if you could be friends?
Sally
December 15, 2017 at 10:00 pm
Hi, Iv been with my boyfriend on and off for about 2.5 years. Now, he always seems to be hot and cold and he always seems to be playing games. I am very clingy at times which is my downfall. When we are good we are good but when things are bad they’re really bad. On Saturday he went out and turned his phone off, so I blew up his phone with texts and kind of over reacted and now he’s saying he’s had enough and that we are over and he never wants to speak to me again. This isn’t the first time this has happened and in a few days he cools down and texts me even though he swore he was done with me. This time seems different so I kept texting him loads and he said he doesn’t wanna speak to me for a few months/ years which is ridiculous! I left him for 3 days and broke NC after 3 days and he is still insisting that he never wants to speak to me again (he is very stubborn) not sure what to do I’m feeling really upset and I just don’t want it to be over.
fae
December 15, 2017 at 7:33 pm
Hi, me and my ex met when we were in highschool and we had plus minus about 2 years of relationship. He was a very loving person but things change since about this January, in which he was in his semester two of university as he met new friends. His social circle consisted of 3 female friend ( 1 which I found out liking him and talking bad about me) and two male (including him). He started to broke his own commitments with me and changed into an ignorant person, me literally having to confront about quality time each time. He changed into an angry person, as he literally abuse me verbally and physically. But I loved him so much and I believe the real him is still in there and tbh the reason he managed to graduate highschool, semester 1 and 2 of college is because I helped him with his assignments. I remained loyal and loving to him even though he treated me like shit along that period. One day I decided I had enough and ask him to broke up with me but he rejected the idea and said he still love me etc. Not long before that he had disagreements with his friends and found out their true nature like the one I warned him about and regretted of his behaviour towards me. He changed back to the person he was before, loving and caring. This lasted for 3-4 months. But about 3 weeks before we broke up, I found out he screenshoot two girl pictures in his laptop, one being his ex almost lover and the other is a girl from instagram he found pretty. He even drew his ex almost lover in photoshop as he is a graphic designer. I confronted him about this and he admitted liking them when we were in a period of arguing ( the one he changed because of his friends). He apologized and I ended up forgiving him. But then he started to change back into breaking his own commitments again and I literally have to confront him about quality time. He was also being unfair by making me obeying our commitments ( not going to club etc) but he himself on the other hand do it. When I confront about him being unfair he got so mad and called me “childish, demanding, not understanding” person. The next day I asked him to come over as we havent seen each other in 3 weeks to discuss things better but he broke up with me saying that he doesnt want to force things anymore etc. I tried to talk to him about it but he doesnt want to hear it. He said he still want to be friends but he ended up ignoring me and being so rude to me. His family is very upset as I and his family is very close especially to his parents who’s very disheartened to hear this. The strange thing, he told everybody different reason why we broke up; his university friends –> I was being overprotective, highschool friends–> small problems unsolved ( how the hell I know if he didnt talk to me), and he didnt even tell his family which is very strange as he is usually very open to them especially about me. I havent contacted him in almost two months and we broke up 15 October ago. I stopped contacting him at 25th of October. I still love him and want him back but I’m clueless.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 18, 2017 at 5:49 pm
Hi Fae,
We don’t advise going back to an abusive relationship.. Check this one:
How To Get Over An Ex Boyfriend When You’re Still In Love With Him
Mary
December 10, 2017 at 4:42 am
I broke up with him. I’ve done 3 months of perfect no contact. Can I send him a Christmas card? I won’t write anything besides his name and sign it.
Or is that weird?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 12, 2017 at 2:20 am
Hi Mary,
Yup, that’s weird..
Help
November 27, 2017 at 6:16 am
How would you come from a point that he has moved on ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 28, 2017 at 1:39 pm
that means how would you attract a person that is like a stranger to you? That doesn’t have feelings for you..